#i think a mix?? Man i dont know the dream told me they were married so im assuming character but death Should Have Been Permanent

[ghostb0o]

I had a dream that that quackity sapnap and karl jacobs were in a supergiant empty mall that had dragons and karl jacobs fell down a "vintage escalator" and died

[rip-a-dip-dip-you-potato-chip]

what have I created?

idk if yall like this, but they just exist not i guess :/

ok the the first one is Royalty AU

first things first, when I say Royalty AU, I don't mean the classic shit we've all become accustomed to. Im talking about the good old Chinese royalty! And I want to emphasize that these guys will/should be dressed in century appropriate attire. As someone thats read a handful of 'marinette, princess of china' fics from the ML Fandom, I've noticed a common trend. Marinette wouldn't be in the culturally appropriate clothes, always ballgowns. Not that there's something wrong with it, its just most of if not all these fic are set in China, so I'd expect Chinese royalty to dress as THERE dress code calls for. And since this AU takes place far in the past like, it won't make sense for any of the characters to be in royal clothing that wasn't from there region. I'm not trying to white knight/gatekeeping. Im Guyanese not Chinese. But since JTTW and Monkie Kid take place in China, it's only right. In my opinion that it. You don't have to outright agree with me.

With out of the way, it's time for that good old AU crack

- Wukong is the king of the Flower Fruit kingdom(or a different one if you'd like, again I'm only familiar with what western culture has taught me, but I'll try my hardest) 

- he’s single but rumor has it he used to/still is dating the Vigilante/thief The Six Eared Macaque

- *chants ShadowPeach violently* 

- no one know whether it true or not

- On of his wanders around the kingdom he finds an abandoned baby in a basket. 

- and no shit sherlock it's fucking baby Xiaotian 

- I think we all know where this is going because i'm a simp for Monkey Dad & Monkie Son shenanigans

- Xiaotian becomes prince

Shit, ill be referring to Xiaotian as Mk from now on, I mentioned this before in a fic I wrote for lmk that Mk's a nickname for Xiaotian for some reason- wait i don't have to explain my self to you people!

- Sun loves his son

- MK is treated differently by staff and others because he's not blood related to the king

- no one mistreats MK per say, because there King loved his adopted son, but words are said behind his back

- Sometimes MK hears what’s said, and he feels as if he won't live up to his dad’s legacy.

- He meets Mei during a festival

- Mei is from a noble family, that wouldn't mind if they got a connection into the royal family.

- but it becomes hella clear to Mei’s family very fast that the two are just friends, and will always will be. but hey there daughter is bffs with the prince so that's a plus.       

_

- the Demon Bull Family is rules a kingdom as well, I dont/am not creative enough to think of a name I leave that to you.

- It's a common misconception that DBK is a tyrant, when he’s not. 

- most of the time...

- they have been at war with the Monkey King for some time now and settled for a peace agreement.

- that agreement being there sons to marry

- oooo original i know

- MK and Red Son are roughly the same age, Mk being 20 and RS 22

- RS is revolted/disgusted at the idea of being wed to the Monkey Kings child, even more so when he realizes MK is adopted,

- but, that all changes the second he meets MK while he meets him by accident when he gets kinda lost in the palace when he and his parents go to discuss the arrangements.

- the second he looks at MK, he's instantly in love. MK less so, he's nervous and honestly kinda bummed he's not marrying someone he loves but it's for the good of his ppl, and he'll do anything for them.

- RS isn't even aware that MK is Suns adopted son until MK walks him back to the meeting room.

"Oh There you are MK! I was about to have a servant go fetch you!" Sun Wukong says, gesturing for his boy to come sit with him.

"S-sorry for keeping you waiting I got caught up in my lessons with Mr. Tang" MK responds, sitting next to his father. Red Son looked gobsmacked. The beautiful young man he had bumped into, was the prince of this land? Damn, life truly blessed him. Or cursed him depending on how you looked at it.

- the two are left alone in a separate room for a while.

- And MK straight up tells RS why he's agreeing to this union.

"Look Red Son. I've dreamed about meeting my one true love for a while. And I would give almost anything for that dram to be real. But I wouldn't ever dare give up my people, for as there price they mean more to me. I'm doing this for them, no other reason" MK says, his back straight and hands folded neatly in his lap. The look in his eyes was a mix of sadness, but that was drowned out by loyalty and determination. It just made Red Son fall for him even harder. Clearing his throat Red spoke.

"I understand, for im doing this for the betterment of my people to. But I propose a wager"

"A wager?"

"Yes, if i can make you fall in love with me by years end, before our marriage, we can live together like in the fairy tales from far away. But if I fail, in a years time afterwards you will be permitted to find your own path in life" Red Son stated. MK took a moment to process what was happening.

"So, if you succeed in making me fall in love with you, before our marriage we can live happily ever after?" Red Son nodded in response, letting the younger continue.

"And if I shouldn't fall for you, in a years time after our union, im free to leave?" Red Son nodded once more.

"So, what do you say?"

...

"Deal"

In the end, your free to choose their fate, should Red Son win the hart of Mk? Will he fail? Or will he let him go, and let him travel the country, after all Mk's a free spirit and keeping him trapped in a big house is like keeping a cannery trapped in a cage only for its song, only for it to dul. Or will the unthinkable happen and will both boys find their freedom? together or appart? I don't know, because that's all up to you 😉

personally, I’m partial to where MK and Red Son both find freedom together. Like they straight up run away together to somewhere far away and just live out there lives together. 

this could also be genderbent thing as well. MK or Red as their respective counterparts. Again it doesn't have to be, but it’s whatever bro. im just spitting out the idea. 

Also, there is a main side plot that they fight the WBS throughout the year as well, along with other shenanigans you wanna throw in.

____

The second is a My Hero Academia/BNH/MHA AU

truth be told i'm not a big fan of MHA i think it to over hyped(this is also coming from the same person that’s a Fairy Tail fan lol), and the fandom i don't even know how to describe that mess, but I will admit not the whole of its toxic since every fandom has some toxic members, some even more so. 

I just sometimes find myself enjoying MHA AUs like the Fullmetal Alchemist, Danny Phantom, Evil!Deuk AU and several others. 

to make it clear I don't see this AU taking place the same time as the main plot of the actual Anime/Manga. This could be either like 6-10 years before or after the plot idk bro. But i’ll do this after the main story plot of MHA, so keep that in mind ya? another thing, the gang is still in China, the top hero school in the world just so happens to be in Japan, and it’s only ever mentioned by Sun wukong and other pro heros. So MK never attended AU. in short it’s only ever mention/ reference.  

_

- Mk was considered Quirkless as a kid. 

- he was just a late blumer, i swear  

- Mai’s Quirk is called Dragon. 

- it pretty much works the same way as it does in the show(duh)

- Tang’s got a knowledge Quirk, 

- my man can retain information and he’s basically an archive of information drawback being his personality lol 

- Piggsy is a Animal that gained a Quirk

- in cannon to my current knowledge, there are two other characters that can confirm animals can become sentient. the characters being Fumikage Tokoyami, & Nezu the principal at the school UA.  

- Sandy is just Conner Kent, aka he like superman but can't fly, or shoot lasers from his eyes. And blue.  

I have two scenarios for Macaque and Wukong  

*- The first one is that, Sun Wukong & Macaque are brothers. twins to be exact. 

- they where legit people, but have mutation quirks that made them too like monkeys. 

- the added powers were just a boues. 

- Sun and Mac are close growing up, like there brothers but also best friends.

- the draw back to there quirks could honestly be whatever you want bro idk, same with the others tbh. Personally I like to think Sun just has lack of motivation, and Macaque needs to draw on other people's energy.

- Sun is a hero, Monkey KIng and Mac is a villain Six Eared.

- Sun was always treated has the golden child in the family, Mac always resented that, but there shitty up bring didn’t stop the two from being good brothers to one another.

- soon tho the resentment became hatred when Sun was able to attend UA in Japan, while Mac didn't.

- Mac be angy 

- so he became a villain, and joined the Chinese branch of the LOV(league of villains)

- Sun doesn't know this till he finds out during the all out war during the main story. and by that time he’s a full on hero with is own agency(The Flower Fruit agency)    

- when the hero's ultimately win and Mac is arrested 

- This ultimately hurts Sun a lot, his brother was in jail now, arrested for his involvement and wrong doings, he knew nothing about this! this brother, his blood. A bad guy? why? he hadn't seen his brother since he left for UA, he hadn’t seen him when he came home, and started his agency. 

- this just puts Sun into a funk so he’s not as active as he used to be, and he starts thinking he might need a successor 

*- The second one is that they were two separate people that had similar quirks and both attended UA but Sun ended up in the hero corse. so 1A.

- Both Macaque and Sun have similar quirks, Sun’s is obviously more light based while Macaque’s is more shadow based(this applies to the first one as well)    

- Macaque was placed in class 1B, U.A.’s High's Heroics Department, I believe, you can correct me. 

- In cannon Class 1A and 1B both went to the training camp. I can see the teachers pinning Sun and Macaque against each other to hone their skills. 

- And because of that they become great friends    

- In fact when they graduate they both co-found there hero agency together in China and are a duo.

- But due to Monkey King’s popularity and Six Eared's association with shadows(people sometimes saying he has more of a villains quirk than a heros) the public see’s Macaque as Sun’s sidekick when thats far from the truth. 

- now it’s up to you whether you think that Wukong and Macaque would be in a relationship together, but knowing how cooked we all are, ShadowPeach is a thing here more than likely. 

- If you do or don’t support/ like the ShadowPeach aspect, the two would be living together regardless since its more cost efficient. 

- They my be heroes but living costs are expensive!   

- I would imagine there would have been a huge fight/argument between the two in privet of course, at there home.(or in there shared office if you want the extra angst of the other people they work with hearing them fight)   

- If the two are dating, then this would either lead to an out right breakup, or Macaque just up and leaving with Wukong thinking he’ll come back once he’s cooled off. But after a week, with no sign of his partner, or him answering texts or calls, not even coming into work. Wukong gets worried that something might have happened to him. so there wouldn't be a confirmation if they were still a thing or not. 

- But Wukong remains hopeful, despite the nagging at the back of his head, and gut telling him to go find Macaque, or atleast make a public statement, or even just tell another pro hero about it.   

- on the not so shippy side, Macaque and Wukong still have there argument, and much like the ShadowPeach esc side, Macaque up and leaves, and isn't seen for weeks. the only difference here is that when Wukong comes home one night to there flat, most if not all of Macaques stuff is gone. 

- where as if this was the ShadowPeach side, Macaque leaves all of his possession in the flat he and wukong share. for the simple reason being, he still loves him and wants to go back, but Macaque being Macaque can’t bring himself to do it, especially after seeing just how hurt Wukong looked when he yelled at him just before he left.  

- in other words, ANGST DIALED UP TO A 10 BABY  

- in either case, its a news report that confirms Wukong's suspicions that he desperately didn’t want to believe, and that is Macaque turning into a villain.

- much like if the two were brothers, Wukong just can’t take it and is no longer as active as he once was, and is thinking about, either A) Retirement  B) Saying, “Fuck Society, Be Gay Do Crime” and join Macaque as a villain himself, or C) find a successor, and a way to bring Macaque back to there side, but most importantly, back to him.    

- also extra points if you're after people's hearts and want to make them suffer;  - If there dating, Wukong curle’s up in the bed he and Macaque shared, holding/wearing something of great value to Macaque and just crying himself to sleep, where as Macaque is getting wasted on alcohol, as he stumbles out of the bar he’s in, he either see’s something that reminds him of Wukong or while he’s trying to put his wallet back into his pocket, a photo of them on their first date fall’s out. and Macaque just cries in a nearby alley way. And it’s there where he gets indoctrinated into the League.

       - If there just friends, macaque heads to the nearest forest and just levels it, where as Wukong just gets engrossed into his work, trying not to think about it. you could add you own spin on this, again i'm just spitballing.             

- NOW BACK TO MK! :D     

- Obviously MK is a huge Monkey King fan     

- at Twenty MK has come to terms he's quirkless (HE’S NOT)

-for ANGST reasons MKs fokes kicked him out at this realization at 13.

- he works at Piggsy's Noodle shop, and has been since he was 14.

- don't need a quirk to drive or cook!

- the boy lives a content life with his new family, till DBK happens :D

- DBK runs a Mafia(in conjunction with TLOV) and has been in jail for like 5 years thanks to Monkey King, PIF and RS brake him out one night when MK's out making a late night delivery since Piggsy had the bright idea to go 24/7 service!

- one thing leads to another and Mk somehow manifest what looks like the Monkey King's staff, but its not, it’s MKs powers, it just so happens to be the same power the Monkey King has. And it practically goes down the same way in the pilot. 

- but unlike the pilot Mk and Mei go straight to the FF Agency, after making a panicked call to Pigsy and Tang.

- one way or another Mk are lead into Wukongs office. Mei being forced to stay in the lobby.

- they have there convo, butterfly monkey squishing included.

- "And so, I want you do be my success-" BOOM 💥

- from there they rush downstairs and see that the lobby has been infiltrated by the DB fam, and you know fight.

- once the DB family seems like there down, PIF wisks them away. Much to Monkey King’s displeasure.

From there stuff kind plays out like cannon, the calabash ep is just a conjoint quirk the Demon bros have. As for EP9, ill have to script that one out myself lol. I'll get onto it as soon as my will to commit stabs me in the face. Till then have a dancing Kermit the frog.

Now if you'll excuse me, am about to Kermit a felony :D

(For legal reasons thats a joke)

Psst @writingamongther0ses its done

[arjsstuff]

Long post overdue: Jdrama Spree

It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a Jdrama spree. In the last month I’ve completed 3 Jdramas continuously which is sort of a great achievement for me and now I’m watching the 4h Jdrama for which I would be dedicating a separate post. Now this means two things, either I had too much time and neglected other important works or every drama that I watched was good enough that I continued watching it. So moving on to the three dramas I watched and my take on them:

1.  From 5 to 9: I have mixed feelings after watching this drama. Until like the very end all I could think was how can she fall in love with someone who literally ruined her dreams, I mean if some random guy falls for me and stops me from achieving my dreams, I don’t think no matter what he does or how good he is I will never be able to forgive him. And also how selfish was Yamapi’s character, I love Yamapi’s characters generally and Aizawa Sensei and Kurosagi according to me were his coolest characters and this was just opposite of that.

Had the ending been different from the one that was showed, I swear I would go on a rampage about how unfair everything is towards women, she had to quit her job for “love”, her lifestyle, the kind of dresses she wore and her personality was reduced to cleaning and looking after the temple like *eye rolls*. There were definitely loopholes in the plot, for instance, Satomi Ishihara's character not pursuing her boss after knowing the truth about his marriage, Satomi not reciprocating to her best friend although she knew he had a crush on her etc but they tied the loose ends by the end of the series making it a satisfactory watch. I was surprised to see how well Zettai Kareshi's Night spoke English but his acting is sort of the same. The major take away from this drama for me was Yuki Furukawa who didn’t have many scenes, had me crushing on him the entire time. I mean he was that representative cool Japanese corporate employee probably from a top B-School. But I have to say the chemistry between Yamapi and Satomi is so natural but the plot was really bad. If I were the director and I were to caste Satomi and YamaP I would definitely choose a better script to maximaze their full potential

2.  Mischievous Kss Love in TOKYO: Since I previously mentioned how I found Yuki soo damn cute I checked out what drams he was in and to my surprise he acted in Mischievous Kiss. I had deliberately not watched this drama for all these years because I had watched Playful Kiss and it was awful. I did not know what better Japanese could do with such a bad plot. Anyway I decided to give it a watch and the true showstealer was Yahagi Honoka. She is naturally cute unlike other girls who force Kawaiiness or aegyo and Yuki has this mischievous side to him, which makes them a perfect pair. Unlike the Korean version there weren’t too many surprise kisses, the whole series was mostly about Aihara's one side quest and Irei occasionally reciprocating it. And like one million other dramas, the hero realises he does not want to lose the heroine only when she starts dating some other guy. I felt bad for Kotoko that she had to go through so much but I also felt bad for Irei towards the end after his dad fell sick. Overall it was definitely a cute watch but I don’t think I would be watching Love in Okinawa or Season 2 as I feel season 1 was complete in itself. Also the last scene of the wedding was weird with no guests, just 10 characters of the drama and I definitely felt they looked like teens when they got married.

3.  Liar Game 2008: The number of times I have told myself that I’m going to watch this but never found time. This time I decided no matter what I’m going to sit through and watch this. And Oh! My! God! What a ride this drama has been. If I had to say one word about this drama it would be ‘Masterpiece’ I can gladly place this among the best Jdramas I have watched in my life. Except for episodes 11 and 12 which was unnecessary the whole drama was such a gripping watch. It was almost always so hard to predict what happened next which kept me at the edge of my seat. Although Toda Erika doesn’t fit the anime description of dumb girl I think since she’s a seasoned actress she manages to do a great job as Kanzakai Nao (but also her face is scary at times even though she was supposed to be scared and surprised most of the times). And coming to the highlight of this drama *drum rolls* Matsuda Shota. 

This drama wouldn’t have been what it is without him. I couldn’t believe he is such a good actor who’s so convincing in his role as Akiyama. That cunning demeanour and genuine concern for Nao along with his genius brains had me swooning over him. Also not to forget how HOT he looked. I kinda shipped Erika and Shota but there was nothing actually going on between the characters except this one scene where he intensely started at her, I thought he would kiss her or something because even her expressions were as though she expected a kiss but anyway nothing happened. Hmph. 

But isn’t the best part about Jdramas? if the genre isn’t romance we hardly see any romance between the leads which is also why I prefer Jdramas over almost all Kdramas that add random lovelines and kiss scenes to get trp high *cough vincenzo*. This post will be incomplete if I dont mention the amazing antagonists of the drama especially Fukunaga who was simply despicable even more than Yokoya in my opinion, but had they kept Fukunaga as a trans instead of making him a man in the series, it would have been so much more fun. My mom who barely watches Jdrama was gripped when I narrated the first two episodes to her. I am definitely going to watch season 2 within this year but for now I just want to be hung-over with the memories of watching the first season and thinking how PERFECT it was.

[foolgobi65]

careful man’s careless daughter

@philtstone prompted: Anne/Gilbert babysitter au fake dating prompt #5 let’s go laydees “you have the emotional capacity of a brick. that slate I broke over  your head.” (we’re pretending people still use slates now....american schools have no money...its possible ok) 

k so i was trying to figure out how to work in the babysitter + fake dating and ... like a flash the plot to this old telugu/tamil movie i love missamma/missaimaa came to mind -- its not quite the same because they’re two people pretending to be married so that they can make money as school teachers/live in tutors for a wealthy family’s daughter but it works just enough that i decided to roll with it lol. 

this technically isn’t the actual babysitting, nor the fake dating which I actually turned into a fake marriage lol, but i hope u still like it, even though it is all over the place and a general wreck because i wrote it straight through without any editing or thought towards pacing/characterization bc i havent written in forever lol!! im not even sure what the time period setting is lol, and i dont think my translating of the anne events into a semi modern day even works but w/e lol. 

u are the truest of friends, the light of my life, and have certainly heard more than your share of my mental breakdowns both in the last month and the last few years lol. u deserve all the good things, all the good fic, all the time. 

title is a perversion of a tswift lyric because it came up on youtube. if anyone wants to send in prompts from here

---

“You owe him how much?” 

Anne sighs, crossing her legs to hide how uncomfortable she is in this moment -- here she is in the park, fifteen thousand dollars plus interest in medical debt for Marilla’s eye surgery and being hounded by Roy Gardner, ex boyfriend apparently turned loan shark who was on his knees proclaiming both love and loan forgiveness should Anne just accept his proposal. 

Here Gilbert Blythe is, sitting on a park bench after two years without contact, watching the whole thing. 

“Marilla doesn’t have health insurance,” Anne says, eyes on the ground as she uses the toe of her shoe to grind a leaf into the sidewalk cement. “Even when I was teaching, the union plan didn’t let people add parents on as dependents.” She sighs. “With everything happening with the farm, she couldn’t afford to put money towards a plan and so when her eyes got bad....” 

For a moment, there is silence. Anne can almost hear Gilbert’s jaw clench “That’s just wrong.” 

Anne laughs, and because her eyes are averted she doesn’t see Gilbert flinch. “That’s America, Blythe.” 

“Well,” she hears him say, tone just dripping with what Mrs. Rachel would call the Blythe Stubbornness, “It shouldn’t be.” 

She won’t ever admit it, but there’s something Anne has always found deeply compelling about Gilbert when he gets into these moods -- all righteously indignant in a way that Anne feels inside of her own body. Or felt, before Matthew died and left behind debts not even Marilla had known about, and Marilla’s eyes worsened around the the time Anne was let go from her teaching job and even if she had had the job it wouldn’t have mattered, she knows, but still. Beautiful, wonderful, beloved Diana had offered to help, of course she had, but Anne knew that Fred’s business wasn’t yet where it should be and that the parents Barry were still unimpressed with their son in law to be’s financial acumen. So she’d had to go to Roy, who had of course lent his beautiful Anne the money, and of course had arranged for Marilla to be treated at the best hospital in Toronto, of course had set them up in the apartment of a friend of his right in downtown where the rents were a thousand maybe two per month. He’d popped the question for the third time the second Marilla had been released back into Anne’s care. 

Almost as if he can hear her thoughts, Gilbert speaks -- “Gardner shouldn’t be harassing you like this either. Who ever heard of charging interest on a loan to a friend? And what on earth does he think he’s going to take from you if you just don’t pay?” 

Anne burns. This, she hasn’t told Marilla, nor even her darling Diana. For some reason, it seems alright to tell Gilbert. “The farm,” she mumbles.

Gilbert snorts. “I’m sorry, I must have misheard. Are you saying that Roy Gardner, heir to one of the biggest fortunes in Boston and your ex boyfriend, took your home as collateral on a loan for money you needed to pay for your mother’s surgery?” 

Anne says nothing. She still hasn’t looked up at him, hasn’t been able to meet his gaze since she sat down on the bench and told Roy to get up off his knees and wait two months for either his money or her affirmative answer. She blinks, having mercifully forgotten that Gilbert was present for that last bit. She hopes he’s forgotten too. 

“And wait, before he left you said....” No such luck. “Anne!” Anne’s sure her entire head must be flame as she closes her eyes, bringing her knees up on the park bench and burying her face into her own lap. “Anne you said you’d marry him if you couldn’t get the money!” 

“There’s no debt between spouses,” Anne mumbles. “We’d get to keep the farm, and I wouldn’t ever worry about Marilla’s health again.” 

“But you don’t love him!” She doesn’t know if she’s ever heard Gilbert sound so scandalized. 

“I used to!” she tries to retort, but even Anne knows that her voice betrays her when she tries to speak this lie. “I used to think I was,” she amends, “and maybe that’s as close as I’m allowed to get -- he’s rich, handsome, he even loves me! What more could I ask for?” 

“Coercing you into marriage, demanding interest on money that we all know is just pocket change for someone like him...that’s not love,” Gilbert Blythe responds, with all that....that all-knowing Blytheness in his voice that Anne has hated since she was 13 years old and the new kid in a class of people who had always known each other just as easily as they had known themselves. “Love is selfless, Anne, strong and kind. It makes you better for giving away your heart, even if the one you love doesn’t give you theirs in return.” 

Gilbert Blythe, always acting as if he knows something Anne does not. He speaks as if he’s been in love, at some point over the years since he was last in Avonlea and for some reason Anne absolutely burns with that knowledge. Ooh she just hates him, now at 24 just as easily as she had at 13! 

“And what exactly is love worth if it means I just lose the farm trying to pay for Marilla’s surgery, and still have nothing for the next time she’s sick?” Suddenly Anne is on her feet, hands on her hips as she glares at Gilbert looking quite alarmed as he still sits on the bench. The words she has kept locked on the inside, too private to even be written in a diary, come pouring out in one big rush:

“Three of my four parents are already dead, Gilbert Blythe.” Her voice hitches, to her horror, her sudden fury vanishes as she has to blink away the tears she has kept at bay since she and Marilla buried Matthew. Damn Gilbert, for bringing this out of her as well. “I can’t...I couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.” Her lips thin, and with a breath, her voice steadies. “I don’t care what you, or anyone else thinks about my choices if it means that I can take care of Marilla.” 

Gilbert’s eyes have the sheen of his own tears when he stands, his own lips wobbling just slightly. “I...” he swallows. “Of course, Anne.” Something Anne recognizes as self hatred passes briefly over his face, but she doesn’t understand. “I wish I had money like Gardner to give you, I really do.”   

Anne gentles, even if something inside her twists to be the object of the long-old guilt mixed with pity, much less Gilbert Blythe. Since Matthew’s death, every person in Avonlea it seems has sat with Anne and Marilla and offered their deep condolences, their absolute shock at the pair’s financial state of affairs, how much they wish they could help but sadly cannot, what with the way the bank’s collapse has hit their own finances. Only families like the Gardners survive economic crashes with money to burn. 

“I wouldn’t have taken it even if you had,” she offers instead, shrugging casually. 

His eyes flash. “But you took Gardner’s?” 

“I thought he loved me!” Anne closes her eyes, somehow feeling her cheeks flush even deeper. This is why she’s avoided all mention of Gilbert Blythe so strenuously since high school graduation, because more than anyone else he is the one who drags out the words she is always learning to keep inside. Here he is, somehow pulling confessions Anne hadn’t even dreamed of telling Diana, confessions that make her seem small, and stupid, lost in a world so much more complicated and treacherous than she can handle all on her lonesome. 

Well, she thinks, in for a penny -- 

“I thought he loved me,” she says, “and that he had the money to spare. I didn’t realize...” She looks away again, so that she never has to see him react to her folly. 

“Oh Anne,” Gilbert says, for some reason so soft and stricken that Anne’s knees go weak with her sudden desire to fall to the ground and weep. “You deserve so much better.” 

And now she’s angry again. “What would you know about what I deserve?” Anne spits, “you haven’t even been home since you started med school!” Vaguely, Anne thinks that Gilbert hasn’t been home since she and Roy had gotten serious, serious enough for her to bring him to Green Gables and show him the place that had been her very first love. Coincidences can be so strange. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she says, glaring again at the ground. “None of this matters. I’m just going to go home” Anne clenches her jaw, knowing that when she gets back to Green Gables she will go into her room and play every excruciating part of this conversation back in her head, again and again until she throws up or passes out at dawn from sheer exhaustion. Maybe both, if she’s lucky. She leans back slightly and manages to turn around on her heels, a trick Gilbert Blythe had always pulled at school and had had girls thinking he was so cool.

She’s five minutes away from the park bench when suddenly she hears him call out her name. 

“Anne,” he shouts again much closer, bending at his waist to balance his hands at his knees as he pants. “God, it really has been two years since I was on the university football team.” 

Despite the roiling emotions of five minutes ago, Anne’s lips quirk. “I can’t imagine you all practiced very much to end up near the bottom of your league every year.” 

Gilbert’s eyes widen, and for some reason he flushes. Maybe he’s so out of shape that it’s from exertion? “I didn’t realize you kept up with my matches.”  Ah. Anne, it seems, will experience nothing else but one long sustained flush as long as she is in front of Gilbert Blythe. “You know,” she tries to say casually, “you hear things here and there. Diana told me the village gossip.” 

Gilbert opens his mouth, but then suddenly shakes his head, like a dog trying to dislodge water from its fur. “I have...” he frowns. “I have a proposition for you.”  Anne raises what she hopes is an elegant eyebrow. “Oh?” 

He grimaces. “There’s a boarding school, a Catholic one, that’s asking for teachers over the summer for a few of their select students who want to be coached for college admissions. Essays, standardized tests, everything. They’ve got heaps of money, and are willing to pay salaries up front. Plus, they cover all your expenses while you’re there!” 

Anne blinks, feeling the beginnings of hope gather as kindling at the very dredges of her heart. Once, both Anne and Gilbert had competed so well against each other that they had both gotten into Harvard. Then, Matthew had died, and Anne decided she could just as easily get a teaching degree at the state school and stay closer to Marilla too. Gilbert alone had had the distinction of being the first from Avonlea to reach such heights, and had reached even higher when he had been accepted again to Harvard Medical School. 

But at one point, both Anne and Gilbert had taken their SATs. They’d both written their application essays. They’d both gotten in. Anne, even, had been offered a full ride compared to Gilbert’s only partial scholarship, so there could even be an argument that of the two, Anne had been the one on top. 

And if nothing else, Anne is even better at teaching than she was at taking tests. 

“I’ll do it,” she says firmly. “Where and when do I need to report, and how much money are they offering?”  For a second, a bright, dazzling grin paints Gilbert’s face. “Really? Ten--” he coughs, “Twenty thousand.” Anne frowns. 

“Each?” It sounds like a dream come true. Five thousand more than Anne needs, and paid upfront. She could save the farm, and put away five thousand towards the farm’s debts. “That sounds....exorbitant.”  He nods, suddenly more confident. “Yep! Twenty thousand for sure.” He laughs. “I know Gardner was supposed to be slumming it at state school, but you really can’t be surprised at how much money rich people are willing to throw at a problem.” 

“The problem being...their children.”  Gilbert’s grin turns wicked. “The problem being their children’s SAT scores, and lack of compelling anecdote to base an admission’s essay on, yes.” 

Anne laughs, wicked in this moment as well. She wishes in this moment, fiercely, as she has many times over the last few years, that she had been able to go to university with Gilbert at her side -- as the friends they had slowly begun to be after years of one and two sided enmity, before time and distance had turned them into near strangers. She doesn’t regret staying back, not really, but there is a part of her that no one had ever understood half as well as Gilbert Blythe, who had, after the Harvard interest meeting, drawn and pinned up a schedule for practice SATs that took into account both his and Anne’s often conflicting life schedules. 

“What’s the catch,” she asks, grinning when Gilbert chokes “come on, Blythe, there’s always a catch with offers like this. Is it across from a waste manufacturing plant? Is the principal a pervert?” 

Slowly, Gilbert Blythe is turning red. “Ah,” he says, shuffling like he never did even when he was an errant schoolboy. “Well,” he says, and....is that his voice cracking? 

“Gilbert,” Anne says, trying to reassure him, “I grew up in the foster system, I can handle much worse than bad smells and pervert principals, I promise.” 

He frowns. “It’s not that,” he says slowly, “but basically they’re looking for two teachers, a man and a woman to manage the boys and the girls while the rest of the staff go on vacation.” 

Anne smiles, trying to ignore the jolt of her heart at the thought of an entire summer with Gilbert, studying like they used to but as friends. Her old dreams, finally coming true. “That’s perfect then, you take one job and I’ll take the other! It’ll be like old times, kind of.” 

He smiles faintly, as if, even after locking horns with the best and brightest at Harvard, Anne is still the person he wants to be trading barbs with over the heads of high school students for months on end. “I’d like nothing better, he says, except...” 

“Except?” 

Gilbert inhales. “ExceptTheSchoolWillOnlyHireAMarriedCoupleSoThatTheyDon’tHaveToWorryAboutOutofWedlockSexorTeachersHavingSexWithStudents.” All in a rush, and now Gilbert is the one who can’t apparently handle eye contact.

“What?” 

“The school,” Gilbert says to his shoes, “since it’s Catholic, and also since they’re lazy, only want a married couple so that they don’t have to have anyone watching to make sure the teachers aren’t having sex with the students. Or each other.” 

Anne blinks. “But we’re not married!” 

Gilbert grimaces, opening his mouth, but then just biting his lip. They could be, Anne thinks, only a tad hysterical. Only all of Avonlea was matching them up all the years of high school, and even the years after until she’d met Roy. It would be so easy to get a certificate. They could get a divorce by September, even annul their marriage since they definitely wouldn’t be having sex. 

Twenty thousand dollars. 

“So what you’re saying,” Anne says slowly, her lip curling of its own accord “is that after all that talk about what love is and isn’t, and telling me that I shouldn’t marry Roy for the money he’d give me, your blockheaded solution is instead, for me to marry you?” 

Gilbert looks up. “Well when you put it that way--”  Anne sees red, even as she already sees herself in one of her old white lace dresses, standing with Gilbert at the courtroom and signing. “Gilbert Blythe I don’t believe you! Sometimes, I think that you really do have all the emotional capacity of that slate I broke over your head!” 

“I know,” he says tone heavy with something so sad that Anne’s hearten softens a bit of its own accord. “But you really need the money, and I promise we’ll get a divorce by September.” He smiles, but there’s something bitter at the corners that Anne has never seen before -- she almost raises her hand to rub the strand of emotion off his lips. “And you’re not the only one who needs the money. Will you do it?” 

Twenty thousand dollars. The farm, Marilla, an end to the eternal pity of Avonlea. And also, a small part of her suggests, an opportunity to finally spend time with this new Gilbert Blythe who went off into the world and left her behind. 

She sighs. “I vote that you be the one to tell Mrs. Lynde.” 

[xsecretblastsx]

1x11 - Roman Holiday

Happy Christmas Everybody! Or rather I’m trying to delude myself into thinking it’s winter because it’s awfully hot in here. Too bad the episode only lasts like 40 minutes. Anyway here’s the recap.

This one didn’t get as long as the last ones, but I’ll use the keep reading break anyway because it’s a bit more neat for everyone.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

The Constance choir, oh how I miss it.

 I have a coat really simliar to the one’s Jenny’s wearing, mine’s probably cheaper though. 

Global Warming Grinch! what a surprise Dan’s complaining about something yei!

Here comes Vanessa raining on Serena’s parade! Auch. I never really know with her, because she seems nice and sincere and everything, but doesn’t she realize how uncomfortable this is for Serena? She doesn’t acts like Dan’s best friend, she acts like the soul mate or something like that.

I had almost forgotten about Bart Bass, if only. It’s not like Bart knows the actual meaning of the words “I’m in love with you” but I do ser her point on this Lily, ugh. I can’t believe I typed that.

I really like Blair’s outif the perfect mix between school uniform and holiday spirit. Also, I love her, but what with the long face at hearing Chuck is at Monaco? She dump him, so she shouldn’t care.So.. no,  Nothing that she needs to know.

It’s sweet the amount of traditions Blair had with her dad, no wonder she wants him to move back to New York

I’ll never understand this show’s obsession with Dan’s cabbage patch doll.

Blair bear! I had totally forgot about that aww.

That look Blair share’s with her mom, haha “you don’t say what a suprise indeed”

Auch, I was vaguely wondering though in which episode Dan’s mom leaves again, not that I particularly care but I guess is this one

I know shows tape earlier than the season they’re suposed to be, but the park looks so autumm-y for Christmas, is taking me out of the mood. But since I don’t live in New York what do I know.

Blair’s skating outfit thoug, an all time fave.

I had totally forgotten Eleanor had a love interest this episode.

I mean to be fair, that watch is the kind of gift Serena would have made any boyfriend she had because it’s the kind of stuff she’s used to, and I feel for her because she was so excited, I do get where Dan’s coming from, it’s probably the same thing I would said in that situation, but aww Serena.

Again, Vanessa seems nice but, not cool girl.

Blair’s face at Chuck’s text was hilarious, though she shouldn’t be as surprised, Chuck’s pervy on a good day, and she sort of burned him. Not a good combo.

Blair Waldorf in action, sorry Roman.

I’ll never understand why Blair would ask Chuck to  don’t speak to anyone about them, like honey letting him know you want to keep that secret, is giving him levarage. 

Not a fan of having a scene were Serena is like “i came with my tail between my legs, please Vanessa help me to find Dan a gift” and even worse Vanessa is like “I would gloat, but I like you” that’s sorta gloating anyway, ugh. 

Victoria’s Secret themed Christmas party, only on gossip gir.

Rufus and Lily, acting like scaredy cats teenagers.

“Friends doesn’t steal other friends husband” you tell him Eleanor.

This loos “so promising” for  Blair, so Nate said he would go to her mom’s Christmas party, except he didn’t and nowshe’s  tracking him down because he didn’t bother telling her. Same old story.

Blair spelling it out to Vanessa, and for once I think she wasn’ wrong in what she said. Also I love it when Blair is looking out for her friends.

Honestly I would react exactly as Serena and Eric if my mom dropped on me the bomb that she’s dating Bart Bass. That’s scary.

For once I’m liking Eleanor, also she’s dead right, Blair learned scheming from her mother, unrealistic dreaming from her father. Quite the combo. That’s why I lover.

Gotta love Lilly helping Dan to get that tree inside.

I mean considering I’ve seen the whole show, sorry Howard, but your words sound a bit hollow.

Ok, Serena’s gift for Dan was nice.

Dorota’s themed aprons are such a nice little detail. 

Ngl, it mades me sad seeing Bart doing more of an effor with Lilly’s kids and never really bothering with Chuck.

Imagine if Lilly had answered the phone.

That photo of Nate looking like they’re in the Caribbean when they’re supposedly in Monace would never not be hilarious

Normally this is the part where I rant and rant about the episode, but this time I just dont’ have that much to say. I know a lot of people love this episode a lot, but I’m just not one of them, I didn’t fight it particularly memorable on first watch, and now on rewatch even less so, this episode is heavily focused on Derena and the end of the Humphrey marriage, and I don’t really care about either of those things. The only thing I really find interesting about this episode was Harold’s visit,, but on this episode for some reason Blair’s storyline felt like a B plot, that’s probably just me, but l’m finding out that episodes with a lot of Derena feel like such a drag to me now. I almost wish I could care about them again, if only for this season.

So, Blair’s dad. I’ll get it out of the way soon, I’m not a fan. He may have been the loving parent while Blair grew up, but I don’t feel he really knows her, not the way Eleanor does, and I’m not even talking about her dark side, but as Eleanor pointed out, how could he thought she would be glad he had brought over the man he left for when it was supposed to be them enjoying the holiday.

We were told on the Thanksgiving episode that that was suposed to be his first visit after moving to France, and I mentioned there that it sounded like Blair hadn’t seen her father in a long time, which isn’t nice.I feel Harold never really grasped how much he hurt his daughter when he left for France, it was a lot to take for a 16 year old girl who was a total daddy’s girl. First, there’s the separation of her parents, then the fact that her dad is gay, those two were quite a lot, and then he’s like oh I’ll move to France. I’m sure part of the reason Harold stuck in out in his marriage was Blair, and he shouldn’t have to hide who he is and keep married to Eleanor, but I think he could have thought about it and delayed his moving to France. Like Eleanor said this episode Blair might like to act like an adult, but she was at this point still very much a girl in need of her dad.

And this episode he may have said there would always be a place on his life for Blair no mather what, but it was never the same, I mean last episode was Cotillion, and Blair didn’t have any of her parents there, it was probably Dorota the one that was exicted for her, taking pictures and everything. I guess we’re supposed to think she probably talked frequently with her dad over the phone, but I feel in many ways it was mostly a superficial relationship, like I never got the impression Harold went out of his way to see his daughter. But I could be wrong.

The other bit I would like to mention is that not long ago I got an ask about what do I think Blair cared about Chuck not being into town this episode, having watched the episode again now, and I said:  i feel she believed it’s always wise to keep and eye of Chuck and be wary of his intentions, gods knows what he’ll plot just for fun, and now they share history, a secret one at that so she has reason to be cautious, considering the message he sends her at the end of the episode she wasn’t wrong. And while I still think it had a lot to do with that, I do feel having her ask him not to spill the beans, wasn’t the smartest choice, I guess she was banking on him not using it as leverage because they’re are friends and because he had let her know at one point he had felt something, it’s what I call wishfull thinking. 

On a more subconcious level I think she simply wanted to know because well she’s into him. She likes him. She ends their fling out of anger and it’s part that anger that leds her back to Nate, (and it also trills her that after so long Nate wants her, he’s going after her, not Serena). Of course at this point she’s not about to admit even to herself whatever she feels for Chuck, not only because she’s back on track with her so planned life but because well… he’s Chuck Bass, but that doesn’t mean she’s not atracted to him still.

Random bits I would love to mention

The one shot I’m writing (and hopefully finishing one of these days) is actually set between last episode and this one. Not that it wasn’t hard to guess, but I’m glad I got Nate’s location right.

Funny but like a week ago Buzzfeed shared this bit about the watch Serena gave Dan, turns’s out it costs about $25,000. 

“All the grace of Nancy Kerrigan but packing the punch of Tonya Harding” sometimes the Gossip Girl voice is just so on point. 

I’ve always loved Chuck’s voice mail “leave a message and I might listen to it”

The kind of headband Blair’s wearing at that Christmas party were sold anywhere last winter here. Guess they came back.

Lily’s golden dress makes me think of Klimt’s paintings. I like that.

Seriously Gossip Girl’s voice overs this episoder are making me laugh so much “sugar, spicy and everythin nice” not so much.

The Palace hotel decoreted for Christmats time!!  I love it so much. 

[butchdaydreams]

1-99 :)

how tall are you?- I’m 5′6″ so I’m pretty average

what is your body type?- My body type is also pretty average I guess, I dont know a whole lot about body types

what is your favorite part about your body?- I have really pretty eyes and my smile is kinda lopsided but I like it all the same

is your current hair color your natural hair color?- Yes it is!

are you more outgoing or more shy?- I am very shy but I can learn to trust people

are you more femme or butch?- Well femme and butch aren’t a scale where you can be “more” of one or another. You either are one or you aren’t and thats all there is to it. But I’m a butch

are you tol or smol?- I’m smol at heart

wine mom or vodka aunt?- Neither, alcohol will kill me

weird habit?- I crack just about every joint in my body so I always sound like a human rice crispy treat

favorite meme?- Anything with dogs in it or those comic sans valentines sent at weird times of the year

do you sing in the shower?- I used to but I use a public shower now and I’ve fallen out of the habit

ever used a bow and arrow?- Yes, and I’m pretty good at it too

are/were you a theatre kid?- I was back in the day but I dropped it in high school so I could do orchestra and sports instead 

have you ever seen a broadway musical?- Yes, the last one I was was 4 or so years ago

do you think musicals are cheesy?- I think they can be but I don’t think that makes them bad

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?-I’ve gone to a couple because I’ve always lived near cities so they are pretty easy to get to

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?- Bees?

last movie you watched?-This really weird gay movie on netflix, I’m not even sure what it was about even though I just finished it like 20 minutes ago

behind the camera or in front of it?- Behind it all the way

favorite tv show?- Primeval

meaning behind your url- I’m a butch and I am all of your daydreams

reason you joined tumblr- I was a depressed kid 7 years ago who needed somewhere to go, and this is where I ended up

who’s your closest tumblr friend?- @kinkyfemmeprincess at the moment, but I dont think she knows it

what’s something most people love that you hate?- I eat an obscene amount of pickles on a daily basis

have you ever taken narcotics?- Yes and I’ve hated it every time

have you had sex?- Yes I have and thats where that ends

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?- I don’t think so, or if I have I’ve always been able to talk my way out of it

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?- I try not to lie so nothing really comes to mind

describe your passion without mentioning it.- They are small and cute and not real but also could kill you with a single glance most of the time

describe your best friend.- He’s smaller than I am so I have to protect him, and we love to antagonize one another but its the fun kind of antagonizing 

give us one thing about you that no one knows.-I run this blog because I am lonely and need that sweet sweet validation

how do you feel right now?- Kinda sad because I was way more into a girl than she was into me and now its over and I miss her

what is your biggest fear?- Being left behind or forgotten by those I care about

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?- Footloose

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?- I think going to school was a good choice because every good thing that has happened to me in the last three years has come from that choice

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?- Yeah, girls man. Sometimes you just can’t win

something you fantasize about.- I really want to own one of those little mini cows with the curly hair 

last time you cried and why- Last night as I had my final conversation with that girl I mentioned earlier

what was the last thing that made you laugh?- I went fossil hunting today and my friend fell on her butt in a creek

do you really, truly miss someone right now?- Yeah, yeah I do

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?- I think the boy I mentioned earlier, he is a good listener even if he can’t fix the problems

the last time you felt broken?- Whenever someone leaves me

are you starting to realize anything?- That maybe I expect too much from people and I need to learn to just accept what I’m given or I will be very lonely

are you more dominant or more submissive?- I’m dominant in the way that I am strictly a top but submissive in that I will do exactly what you ask me to because I want to see you happy

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)- You are willing to try and show me that you love and care for me

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?- I like people who aren’t more than two years older or younger than me

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.- I’ve never met them in person, but for a while she was the sweetest person I knew. She would talk to me and make me feel loved and special, but she lost interest as people do and it’s over now

do you have any kinks?- I love teasing and edging and overstimulation

first thing you notice in a person?- Their eyes, I love eyes 

how can someone win your heart?- Talk to me, listen to me, and let me know that you care about me

been rejected by a crush?- More times than I can count. One time I told a girl I liked her and she responded by saying that she didn’t like me back and was leaving the country for four years

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?- Again, more times than I could count

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?- No, because I want to respect her boundaries 

is trust a big issue for you?- Yes, it is hard for me to trust people and each time it is broken it gets a little harder

did you hang out with the person you like recently?- No, I didn’t get to meet her in person

is confidence cute?- Oh yes!

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?- I don’t say anything, I let it happen and walk away because who am I to take that away from them

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?- No, because I think  that laughing around another person is a huge part of a relationship

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?- Yes she does but that’s how it goes

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?- I trip over things a lot, and I mix up my words and drop things. I’m an all around mess when I like someone

do you want to get married?- I would love to, it is a dream of mine. I know this generation is trying to do away with marriage, but I like the idea a lot

worst thing you’ve ever done?- My ex wound up in the hospital for four days after she tried to kill herself when I broke up with her. She told me she would do it if we ever broke up months before we did, but I did it anyway knowing she would do it

three things that turn you on.- Looking at me with that determined look and knowing that you are getting what you want from me, trying to turn me on because you want me, and when all else fails, telling me that you are wet because you want me

who do you hate?- I don’t think I hate anyone. It is hard to make me mad and I am very forgiving

favorite term of endearment?- Stick the word “my” in front of any pet name and I will melt

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?- When Hayley Kiyoko played Velma in that live action scooby doo movie

intimidating girls or kind girls?- Kindness is the way to my heart

what do you look for in a possible partner?- I look for someone who I could trust to be able to help me look after any kids we had together with out holding any resentment if we were to ever get divorced

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?- I like people on the feminine or androgynous side of things

are you good at flirting?- I don’t think so but I also know that some people find that to be endearing 

who was the first person you came out to?- My friend Emily, I wanted advice on asking a girl to prom and then more advice on how to get over the rejection 

do you have any friends who are wlw?- Most of my friends are gay in some way because straight people are stupid

is your crush wlw?- Yes

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?- No one, I am a die hard lesbian and would not touch a man with a 12 foot pole even if I was paid

write a short love poem to your crush/self? Roses are red/ violets are blue/ if you don’t talk to me/ then I wont put in the effort for you

do you fall in love easily?- Far, far too easily

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?- The whole situation with my ex

are you good at hiding your feelings?- I’d say so. People think they can tell, but thats when I’m putting on the act of hiding my feelings while still hoping that they notice

are you a forgiving person?- I am a very forgiving person and it has gotten me into trouble more than once

what is your “type?”- Soft, caring, enthusiastic girls

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?- I typically hold her, but every once in a while even a butch needs to be held

tall girls or short girls?- I’m 5′6″, so I can appreciate both girls who are taller and shorter. I think I would go with shorter

hugs or kisses?- Kisses!!! Kiss me!!!! Please!!!

twirl her around or get twirled?- I get buff so I can pick up my wife one day

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?- Thighs

hairline kisses or neck kisses?-Neck

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?- Play with her hair because tummies are often ticklish 

making out or soft kisses?- Soft kisses that lead to making out

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?- Also neck

how confident are you in your sexuality?- I am confident that I am a lesbian, but not to confident to proclaim it to the homophobic town I live in 

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?- Oof, I get both. So much it feels like I can’t breathe sometimes

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?- I believe in being honest, so I have told everyone that I have liked that I am into them

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?- 7th grade, but I denied it to myself until 10th grade

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?- I walk into a lot of things while staring at girls or my phone screen

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?- This is lame, but Korra and Asami from the Avatar series

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?- Anything that even implies that I should give men a shot or be more open to men

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?- Just a couple of days ago, before you stopped talking to me

what is love to you?- Love its more than that feeling of butterflies. It’s seeing when they are struggling, and its helping them even when you are struggling too. Its a choice you make to stay faithful and remember them, it’s the choice you make to go just a little bit out of your way to make their life better. It’s choosing to loose an argument where you can prove that you are right with sources because you hate seeing them mad. Love is how you care for someone even when it hurts. Love is putting them first in everything you do

[sending-the-message]

The Red Door by CynicHappy

"Never open the red door."

I wish I could tell you the exact number of times I heard those words throughout my childhood, but math has never been my strong point, and I don't think I can count that high. It was usually my grandfather who spoke them. Sometimes my mother or father, but usually Grandpa. He was a stern Greek-Canadian man, tall and heavyset with shiny black hair and stern features. He had many rules to keep the household in check, but the one concerning the red door was by far the most important.

"Never open the red door! Don't ever open the red door. You will regret it." The intensity in his eyes as he laid down the law never failed to frighten my sisters and I. We never dreamed of disobeying him.

My family was wealthy, and lived in a towering brick manor with too many rooms. Most of the doors leading into these rooms were white; the red door was the only one of its kind. It was on the second floor, located right between the bedrooms occupied by me and my sister Callie, respectively. It remained locked at all times; Grandpa kept the key, and twice a day, he would enter the room, and after thirty minutes or so, emerge, looking pale and shaken, and brushing off anyone's enquiries about his health.

Every now and then, my sisters and I gathered up the nerve to stand outside the red door and listen while Grandpa was in there. All we ever heard were his heavy footsteps, and muttering in Greek. Whenever he caught us lurking, he would pin us with a look that made our blood run cold.

"Stay away from the red door!" he would bark, before stalking down the hall. He would disappear into his study, shutting the door behind him.

This behaviour frightened me, of course, but as I grew up, the my curiosity intensified. I simply couldn't stop fantasizing about what might be hidden behind the red door. Silver and gold. Rare gemstones. A unicorn. More candy than one girl could ever eat. Maybe the door even led to another world, like in the Narnia books. Since I couldn't question Grandpa about it without risking his wrath, however, I turned to my parents for answers.

They couldn't tell me anything either. Mum, Grandpa's only daughter, told me the red door had been off-limits since she was my age, and that her father never offered her an explanation either. Dad told me I should just let it drop. I could have screamed. I wanted to know what was behind the red door. It was an intense thirst, a desperation that felt like a raging storm in my head. There were times when I couldn't sleep at night, my mind was whirling so violently with possibilities. I knew my sisters-Callie, Gabriella, and Marguerite-were curious as well, but they did a better job containing it.

"Grandpa probably has a good reason for keeping the door locked," said Callie. "Maybe it's best we just stay away."

"No way!" I shrieked. "One day, I am going to see what's behind the red door! I don't care what Grandpa says."

I was a child, naïve and stupid. I never considered the danger, never took into account how drained Grandpa looked whenever he walked out of that room, never cared about anything but my own curiosity. I had made a vow that one day, I would see behind the red door, and I didn't intend to break it.

It wasn't until I was about eight or nine that I got a little taste of the fear Grandpa felt.

Late at night-around 11:00 PM, if I remember correctly-I woke up to sounds that made my breath catch in my chest. Loud banging that shook the walls and made me worry that the roof would cave in; shrill wailing that felt like shards of glass piercing my eardrums. Crying for Mum, I stumbled into the hall-and found my family gathered around the red door.

"Father!" Mum yelled, clutching a crying Gabriella and Marguerite to her sides. "What the hell is going on in there?" That was the first time I ever heard her swear.

Grandpa, standing tall admits the chaos, looked like he was going to keel over. His face was whiter than bleached bedsheets, his hands clenched into fists so tight it would have taken a crowbar to pry them apart. He didn't answer Mum, just slid a hand into his pocket and retrieved the key. He unlocked the red door and stepped inside.

As I had so many times before, I tried to peer around him and get a glimpse inside, but Dad grabbed me and pulled me back.

"I wanna see! I wanna see!" I wailed, more out of habit than anything else. To tell the truth, I was terrified, especially as the sounds grew louder, mixed with Grandpa's angry shouts.

"Silence, Rebecca," Dad whispered, clamping a rough, calloused hand over my mouth.

We stood there in the darkened hall, listening for what felt like hours, until the terrible noises suddenly stopped, as if sucked into a vacuum cleaner. My ears were ringing, and I was trembling like a tuning fork. Grandpa stepped out minutes later, slamming the red door behind him and locking it.

"I dont ever want to hear you girls speak about this," he hissed at me and my sisters. "Do you understand?"

We nodded. He stalked off, his head and shoulders bowed as if pulled down by a string. Mum and Dad sent us girls back to bed, but nobody got much sleep that night.

For a while after that, my curiosity was quelled, replaced by fear. I gave the red door a wide berth whenever I walked down that hall, and would hide in my room whenever Grandpa went in, instead of standing outside and listening. My sisters were terrified as well, but while my fear eventually subsided, theirs didn't.

"What the hell are you doing?" Callie snapped at me when she caught me outside the red door again. It had been four months since that terrifying night, and I was still scared, but my intense curiosity had returned.

"I want to know what's behind the red door!" I protested. Callie's anger frightened me; she was one of the calmest people I'd ever known, and rarely raised her voice.

"You're insane," she hissed. "Whatever's behind that fucking door, it's going to kill somebody. If you ever go in there, you'll never come out."

"But Grandpa goes in there!"

"He's the only one of us who can survive in there!"

I stared up at my sixteen-year-old sister in shock, wondering how she knew all this. Looking back, I realize that, being older, she simply had a better perspective on the situation. Callie was nothing if not intelligent.

Just like that, the anger seemed to drain out of her, and she wrapped me up in a hug. "Rebecca, I'm sorry. I just... I don't want you to get hurt."

I nodded against her chest, but deep down, I knew I wanted to see what was inside the room with the red door.

Many years later, I finally got my wish.

Grandpa died when I was eighteen. He simply went to sleep one night and never woke up. He had kept us away from the red door and maintained his habit of going in there twice a day until the very end, even as his health took a slow trajectory downward. He left behind the key, which I snuck out of his bedroom on the day my parents went to pick out a coffin.

By then, my sisters had all moved out; Marguerite and Gabriella were away at college, and Callie was married, with a baby on the way. None of them had expressed a desire to see what was behind the red door in a long time. But I had never forgotten my vow.

The rusted silver key felt cold and heavy in my hand as I stood before the red door, eyeing the peeling paint and worn brass knob. In the back of my mind, I could hear Grandpa chanting "Don't open the red door. Don't open the red door" over and over again; I felt sick with guilt, knowing I was disobeying him. But I couldn't turn back. Not when I finally had the key.

Holding my breath, I slipped it into the lock and turned. There was a harsh click, and the red door creaked open.

After years of anticipation, I stepped inside.

I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I found. Memories of all the wonderful things I'd imagined ran through my brain as I stared ahead in disbelief. I was standing at the mouth of a cave. A fucking cave. Jagged with rock, dark and gaping like a giant mouth.

"What the fuck?" I spluttered, and was answered by the red door swinging shut. I didn't even look back; I was too stunned. Slipping the key into the pocket of my jeans, I took a step forward.

The air inside the cave was hot and muggy, and I immediately began to sweat. I was still in shock as I moved deeper inside, using the flashlight on my phone as a guide. The cave floor was caked with dirt, the walls etched with deep scratches. All I could hear were my footsteps-and my own heavy breathing.

I was dreaming. I had to be. This couldn't be happening. No way. So I kept going. My logic was that if this was a dream, then no real harm could come to me.

Sweat trickled down my back in tiny rivers. It really was hot, and I kept reaching up to wipe the moisture off my forehead. I had been walking for a long time, and my legs were sore. I spotted a flat rock and sat down to rest.

My head was still spinning with confusion. I still believed I was dreaming, but this was by far the weirdest dream I'd ever had. It made no sense to me, how the red door could lead to a freaking cave, of all things. Was I underground? That made no sense, considering the room was on the second floor. Nothing about this made sense.

I contemplated turning back, to lock the red door behind me and forget about all this. But my curiosity still wasn't satisfied. I wanted to at least make it to the end of this tunnel, to understand the truth about this place and what my Grandpa had seen in here. I wanted to unlock the mystery of my childhood.

I wanted to know why Grandpa had been so adamant no one ever come in here.

As I stood, ready to continue, I cast my light across the cave floor, and spotted something that made me do a double take. Footprints. Not those of a human, however. Cloven hooves. Like those of a goat. Or a sheep. Or a demon.

You would think that I would have gotten the hell out of there after seeing that. But I still believed this was a dream, and couldn't comprehend that I was in any danger. So instead, I followed the footprints.

It had been slowly growing hotter the deeper I went, and by now, I was soaked with sweat. My clothes clung damply to my skin. Uncomfortable, I peeled off my T-shirt and continued on in nothing but my bra. The footprints eventually faded away, but I kept going in their general direction, convinced this was the right way-wherever I was going.

So dazed was I that I didn't notice the object in my path until I tripped over it.

I landed on my knees, hard, and cursed, before turning around so I could see what had been in my path. Something smooth and round, something that may have once been white, but had grown yellowed with age. I reached out to pick it up, and let out a thin shriek.

A skull. A human skull with a big crack in the front, most of the teeth missing. The empty eye sockets stared up at me, hollow and lifeless.

"Oh, my God," I muttered, letting the skull slip from my shaking fingers. "Holy fucking shit."

That snapped me back to reality. I had to get out of here. I didn't care about what might be awaiting me at the end of the tunnel-in fact, I didn't want to see it. I scrambled to my feet and whipped around, only to freeze when I saw I wasn't alone.

There was another person crouched just a few feet away. I use the term "person" loosely, because it hardly looked human. It was so wizened and bony, its pale skin hanging off the sharp bones like an oversized suit. Ragged, stringy strands of brown hair hid its face; it crouched on all fours, glaring up at me with beady dark eyes.

I don't remember screaming, but I must have, because the creature lurched back and let out a startled hiss, showing off jagged yellow teeth.

I began to run in the opposite direction, as fast as I could. Thankfully, the creature didn't give chase. But I began to hear sounds: piercing shrieks, angry growls, and the crackling of flames. I considered turning back and taking my chances with the emaciated horror behind me, but before that could happen, I saw that I was heading for the edge of a cliff, and skidded to a stop.

Falling to my knees once more, I let out a harsh, dry sob, releasing the tension that had been building inside me since I first opened the red door. The terrible noises filled my ears, louder than ever before, and I forced myself to peer over the edge.

The drop wasn't too far-only about twenty feet. Below me was a scene I can only describe as a glimpse into Hell. Perhaps it really was Hell.

At the centre of it all sat a giant goat's skull-about the size of a city bus. Sharp, curving horns the size of trees protruded from the top. There was no skin or hair attached-nothing but bare bone. The only thing alive about it was the eyeball in the right eye socket; a giant yellow eyeball with a square pupil. This horrible eye kept rolling around, staring in all directions, and every minute or so, the colossal jaws would creak open with an ear-splitting screech and release a cloud of black smoke.

Dancing around the skull were what I can only describe as demons. Some were vaguely human in shape, but with skin rotting off their bones and mouths full of needle-like teeth. There were bipedal goats with gnarled horns; monstrosities with scaly skin and spiky tails; skeletons with flames in their eyes, shrieking with laughter.

I began to cry. I was just so terrified. I wanted to run, but I couldn't move. I was quite literally frozen in fear.

Then I felt a presence. A shadow fell over me, and an angry voice boomed out.

I told you never to open the red door!

I looked up and saw Grandpa standing over me. Or, what had once been Grandpa. His skin had gone a horrible, blotchy shade of purplish-red; his eyes were fogged over with cataracts; his hair was torn out in chunks, revealing a scalp covered in crusty sores and pus-filled blisters.

"Grandpa!" I gasped.

Get out! Get out now! he screamed.

I saw the goat skull's giant eye focus on me, and the pupil contracted to the size of a pinpoint. It let out a screech that rattled my bones, that sent me stumbling back, crying hysterically.

Get out! Grandpa bellowed, waving his hands wildly. Get out now!

Somehow, I got my legs to cooperate. I stood back up and ran faster than I ever had in my life. The howls and shrieks of demons followed me down the tunnel, ringing in my ears even as the red door finally came back into view.

I slammed the red door behind me as hard as I could, locking it with the key that, thankfully, hadn't fallen out of my pocket. Then I slumped to the floor, vomited up the contents of my stomach, and curled into the fetal position, crying and trembling.

Something slammed against the door, with such impact that I went skidding forward a few feet. I sat up and watched, heart in my throat, as whatever it was threw its bulk against the red door, two more times, before giving up. Something retreated back down the tunnel, moving on all fours.

I sniffled, wiping my nose on my arm. I could still smell smoke, however faint, as it wafted through the large crack that had formed in the red door.

My parents and sisters never learned of my expedition past the red door, but I knew they suspected it anyway. How could they not, given my jumpy demeanour for the next several weeks and the heavy-duty padlock I bought?

After finishing college, I moved out of that house, married, and started a family of my own. My parents still live there, and it is now Dad who keeps the key. It is him who enters that terrible place two times a day. I don't know what he does in there, but it keeps the demons at bay.

What haunts me most about that day is seeing Grandpa in there, seeing how he looked, surrounded by those monsters. I know he's still there, and it terrifies me. My greatest fear is that Dad will end up there too. It seems whoever guards the red door is destined to be trapped behind it after death.

I often visit my childhood home with the kids; my parents adore their grandchildren. Being curious, as children often are, they have asked me many times about the red door.

I tell them what Grandpa always told me: "Never open the red door."

I only hope that they will be more sensible than I was.

I hope that they will listen.

[angelicteeth]

hi our boys are disgusting

god fuck yeah they are 

Aristotle: He/Him - Leo - 18 - 6′4

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? blueee!!!!!!!2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? he loves art books! his mom used to show them to him and he’s collected them ever since. would also like to collect daggers/knives/swords bc he thinks they’re neat 3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? nothing 4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? ohhhh this guys 100% a metal head. leather jackets, spikes, ripped jeans, chains- necklaces and wallet, vans or boots, lots n lots of patches/pins- the whole ordeal! typically only wears reds, blacks, whites, and dark shades. muted colors. 5. What is your OC’s first memory? he was around 4 or 5 and his mother asked him to bake a cake with her, and he agreed, of course. they made a giant 5 layer red velvet cake with chocolate, caramel, and peanut butter chips in between and chocolate fudge drizzled on top/off the sides. they made a HUGE mess in the kitchen and all over themselves and he cherishes this memory so sooo much. 6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? black panthers!!!!! he also loves dogs a lot… he? HATES?? butterflies ???7. What element would your OC be? oh boy fire 8. What is your OC’s theme song? uhhh anything Heavy Metal9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? noooooo, i dont rlly like doing this edrfghu but! he has a deep voice, its warm and deep and kinda ? sultry? idk 10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? wrath. 11. What are your OC’s hobbies? painting!!! learning about history/going to museums, annnnnnd does his bf count? LOL12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? uhhh relatively patient? definitely depends. he’s VERY hot-headed but doesn’t ‘explode’ often 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? male, gay, and latino! he’s also human wsedrftg14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? fucking LOVES cheese??? and big warm pretzels… CINNAMON ROLLS! hates olives ??? and most fish 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? he’d really want a big cat, doesn’t matter what… just a Big Boy16. What does your OC smell like? warm, cinnamon maybe but also musky and woodsy… but he sometimes just likes smelling Clean and like semi typical guy cologne ??? or just Expensive smelling cologne,,, idk he always smells really fucking good sedfgh17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? uhhh right Now he’s just graduated high school and issss looking for work… doesn’t really know what he wants to be, honestly. he’s still trying to figure everything out 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? he fears losing completely everything he loves, specifically his boyfriend and his brother. a weakness is how hard he is on himself, and how much he isolates/pushes people away when he’s low. a strength is just how warm and caring he is. how much he loves. even if he doesn’t always see himself as strong, he is. he really, really is19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? h e a v y  m e t a l  h e ‘ s  a  f u c k i n g  m e t a l h e a d i havent looked too into it so i don’t know about songs, i WILL look into it at some point20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? he live on this hell planet, sadly 21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? the death of his mom… and his anger… he blames himself for her death and hes struggling hard with it, since his father doesn’t help at all and blames him, too. a pet peeve he has is people leaving doors or cabinets open, it makes him so mad dftgyhu just fucking close them 22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? heee was a good one ? hardest subject for him was english :/ mainly got A’s! except for english 23. What is a random fact about your OC? he cannot bake or cook anything EXCEPT breakfast foods 24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? he… didnt see a future until he met his boyfriend, nathan… after his mom died, so did everything else 25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? amber wanted to play the sims and she told me to create 2 characters but i said hey! i do one, you do one! and then we were fucking idiots and turned them into ocs dfyudfhjkl; its soooo recent that nothings changed LOL im still developing him, as i am with all of my ocs 26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? nathan… he gave him a second chance at life, he gave him a reason to want to stay alive, a future. also jordan is super super important to him they bffs xoxo (edit: dan n ty also mean the world to him) at his current age… his dad. their relationship does eventually get better but right now, hes the least important but has such a big impact on him it hurts27. What kind of childhood did your character have? A GOOD GOOD GOOOOOOD ASS CHILDHOOD up until 16 it was soooo good… his moms his best friend, he n his brother hung out all the time, and his dad wasn’t so angry or drunk28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? he picks at his nails when hes nervous, but it doesnt happen very often so its nothing he tends to worry about. heee doesn’t stim but fucking loves paint mixing videos those are his shit uhhh no, no addictions… unless you literally count his bf wertyui29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? “If You Sit On My Grave I WILL Haunt You” or “Long Live The King” because he’s a stupid fucking leo30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? yesssssssss he wants to marry nathan So Bad sedrftyui he’s unsure about kids, though… kinda just wants a couple pets 31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? his mom died on his 16th birthday driving to come pick him up. anything involving nathan… doesn’t even matter what it is, he just loves him so much32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? his mom back33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? uhhh probablyyyyy not… he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he actually killed someone,,,34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? uh he likes concerts n shit but its not like,,, a social group thing… he doesnt do that shit…35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? very vivid imagination, is often found daydreaming when hes not painting or with his bf. not really worried, honestly, kinda just lives in the moment and doesnt give a single god damn shit about a thing except on the bad days36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? he wants nathan the most, out of everything- and he has him… but if he didn’t he would do anything for him. anything37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? pees with the door open esdrtyuio38. What would your character do with a million dollars? ooohhhh spoil the shit out of nathan, get a tattoo or 2, and buy art stuff!39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? eggs, leftovers, milk, orange juice, bacon, butter, and syrup. a couple of canvases, paint brushes, the shirt he slept in the night before. a couple of single issue comics, the graphic novel hes reading, a bottle of water, and a tiny art canvas. random plastic, paper, maybe an empty water bottle or 240. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? out with nathan, probably on a date. ripped jeans, dark red sweater, black shirt, boots, wallet chain, necklace chain, and a single dangly earring in his left ear 41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? yell, scream, get super physical. he’s burning, he’s burning, he’s burning. make it stop, better yet, let him thrive 42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? nope! he’s clean for now43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? oooooh uh he says some Shit when he’s pissed, especially to his dad44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? fine? doesn’t really care about it unless its from nathan. oooor if youre just being a shithead hell tell you off45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? he enjoys it, wouldn’t mind it at all tbh46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? fuck, yeah. he’d do something stupid to it to see if it works and then display it in his room or give it to his bf47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? hellllll yeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. everything, anything48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? his mom was his best friend and the reason why he is the way he is. his dad was a good man, but now hes a stupid angry drunk who blames ari for his mothers death. its affected him positively and negatively, hes loving and passionate like his mother but insecure and doubtful because of his father49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? d o  n o t  l e t  h i m  h a v e  a  l o t  o f  c a n d y  p l e a s e 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? would probably elope with nathan, do some crazy shit, and hope to god he doesn’t actually fucking die 

Jordan: He/Him - Sagittarius - 19 - 6′2

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? light green2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? stamps, stickers, beanies, anything aquatic-themed, and tarot cards/witchy stuff!3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? bananas…4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? lazy type clothes, very sluggish. lots of oversized cardigans, hoodies, and sweaters. baggy shirts, but he religiously wears jeans. likes chains but preferably small ones, and usually only wallet chains. likes wearing a ring on each thumb and if hes Feelin it a couple more! punkish basically 5. What is your OC’s first memory? spying on his brother and dad training outside in the barn6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? he has a giant soft spot for cows but his favorite is whale sharks!!! he doesn’t really like frogs 7. What element would your OC be? water! but with Slight fire8. What is your OC’s theme song? something slow and sad, probably 9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? no! his voice is soft and low, like a lullaby. very warm and comforting, but also a lil husky10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? envy/lust/greed wsedfg11. What are your OC’s hobbies? reading, using tarot cards, organizing his stamps/stickers, watching documentaries, and making sure aristotle doesn’t do anything Stupid12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? he’s pretty patient but he’s also pretty hot headed. he Will lash out when angry :/13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? male, bisexual, white (russian/american) also a human sedryui14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? loooovvveeessss chocolate chip waffles! and breakfast foods in general. hates peas and green beans 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? a cowwwww… they remind him of his mom dfghj16. What does your OC smell like? clean but ? kinda minty!17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? he currently works at a little bookshop/coffeeshop! he likes it but he wants to do something more when he’s graduated from college. 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? his father and crickets. how emotionally attached he gets to people. how warm and soft he is, he never stops caring for others 19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? goth, heavy metal, sad/emo shit20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? he live here Binch21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? his whole family besides his father is dead and he’s all alone with nobody to turn to. he h a t e s crunching noises. so much. also fucking HATES when people poke holes in shit just STop. 22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? actually really really good, even though he looks like a fucking slacker esdrftgyhu probably got all A’s23. What is a random fact about your OC? he always has his fingernails and toenails painted black or dark red/purple24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? fuck man he doesn’t wanna live hes so fucking Tired his dark circles are permanent but ari makes life worth living sdfg25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? …once upon a time amber and i made a gang au with ari n nathan and promptly made jordan for the Shits and Giggles but it turns out i fell in love and way too deep making his character, thanks!26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? aristotle, probably, because he assumes his mom is dead. least is his dad whos a fucking asshole murdering cuck27. What kind of childhood did your character have? uhhhh Not Good ill tell you that. his father only married and brought his mom to russia so she could give him kids, preferably boys. first was nikolai, second was kazimir jordan, and lastly was feliks. they were all 2 years apart, making nikolai and feliks 4, so they were all close in age and played together often. his father was most proud of nikolai but feliks had been showing signs of possibly exceeding all of their expectations. kazimir was last in everything, but he was his mothers favorite. he’ll never forgive his father for torturing him and killing everyone he loved. 28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? he often picks at his nail polish, or the skin around his nails. definitely fidgets with his hands often. doesn’t stim but follows a lot of soap carving and squishy videos, also likes bread/cooking ones. he’s kind of addicted to red bulls but he’s cutting back and resorting to coffee, which he drinks black29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? “hell’s waiting for me so watch your back”30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? maybe married but almost Definitely no kids. no thanks. xoxo31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? his father dragged him into the barns once after he accidentally spilled something over an ‘important’ paper so his father branded him with a cross on his side. his mother used to braid his hair with baby’s breath in it when theyd play out in the field, just her and the 3 boys running around, having fun. it was peaceful, bliss32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? to tell his mother he was sorry and that he’ll never stop loving her33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? no, he’s seen what killing someone does to people34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? i dont really like this question edrtyu35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? hes so tired all the time hes often in the clouds, never really focusing. daydreams a lot to make it through each day, pretending hes someone hes not. hoping that his mother is actually still alive, and that he doesnt have to keep reliving memories. they wont stop fading, he keeps getting them jumbled. he just wants to make more with her, be with her one last time36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? his moooooooooom, he’d do anything for her37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? he has to turn door knobs twice before actually opening a door 38. What would your character do with a million dollars? that’s so overwhelming to him but probably pay off college shit sdfghj debt is So Scary 39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? yogurt, water bottles, red bull, orange soda, and some strawberries. a pair of jeans and boxers and random books hes checked out from the library. a half empty can of red bull, the book hes currentl reading, a beanie, and a cute little jar of jelly beans ari got him. garbage can has crumbled up balls of paper, empty red bull cans, empty bottle of soda, and an old textbook.40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? probably aristotle and nathan to a concert/out to eat. wears black jeans, a baggy red and black striped sweater with a black shirt underneath, boots or vans, and prolly a wallet chain + his thumb rings41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? he screams and yanks on his hair fgyuhlj;k42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? heee has a cross on his side, and a few Light scars on his face- over his bottom lip, on his forehead and on the left side of his cheek/jaw. a couple on his back and arms as well most of them are from his father…43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? he’s never said anything Out Loud but in his head he says shit all the time dxgfhgjhjlio hes a snarky son of a gun44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? he will go home and Cry about it later 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? eh its Ok46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? hes pretty paranoid about it and probably shows it to ari like ‘bitch what the FUCK’47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? he doodles mindlessly when hes bored in class 48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? uhhhh his dad is a big Cuck but his mom is an Angel and the best person he’s ever met. this has fucked him over hard bc hes father took her away from him and now he has nothing left so hes an anxious, paranoid Mess49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? he l o v e s candy pls50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? Kill Him Now

Tyler: He/Him - Pisces - 22 - 5′7

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? baby blue and pink!2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? nail polish, lamb stuffed animals, comics, seashells, and washi tapes 3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? nothin4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? he likes soft colors, pastel. sweaters are his favorite but he also likes long sleeved shirts. dresses pretty feminine, isn’t a fan of dark colors on himself unless its his boyfriends clothes5. What is your OC’s first memory? when he was around 4 or 5 he was riding his bike when he hit a rock and went flying forward, causing him to scrape his knees and his nose to bleed 6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? l o v e s  l a m b s and snails, doesn’t really like salamanders 7. What element would your OC be? w a t e r 8. What is your OC’s theme song? something soft and not too upbeat 9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? he has a very smooth and kind of feminine voice ? but its masculine enough to not misgender him,,,10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? envy???11. What are your OC’s hobbies? painting his nails, drawing/sketching, reading comics and graphic novels, watching documentaries, and journaling!12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? very patient and rarely hot headed, gets more agitated or annoyed 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? male, gay, white human boy14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? would Die for milkshakes he loves them so fucking much, isnt a big fan of hamburgers/beef in general 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? a lamb or sheep he is so infatuated with them. they are so so soooo cute 16. What does your OC smell like? strawberries and cream!17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? heee currently works odd hours at a gas station, it’s definitely not his dream job but its not super awful… most of the time. he wants to go to art school, actually, to learn to make jewelry and to learn how to do more with his art18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? abandonment and ultimate loneliness. he’s really self conscious but he loves with all hes got and he loves so much, and so hard19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? bubblegum pop, kpop, jpop, and some indie music!20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? he here 21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? he’s self conscious and in recovery for self harm/an eating disorder but he’s doing really well! its still hard but he’s pushing through… he hates having chipped nails drftugyihuo as soon as one chips, even a little, he repaints them as soon as he can22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? he was a nerd he got straight A’s and actually enjoyed school kinda erdtfyuio but only because he loves to learn, not the actual people or atmosphere 23. What is a random fact about your OC? is really interested in astrology and loves reading his horoscope 24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? he’s honestly trying to still figure that out but the more time he spends with his boyfriend, the more he wants to live and have a happy future with him25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? amber made dan, dan needed a love interest, tada!26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? daaaaaannnn, his boyfriend, nathan his best friend (+ari)  annnnnnd uh ? nobody really ??? 27. What kind of childhood did your character have? he had a pretty alright childhood, kind of lonely…28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? plays with his ears if he’s super nervous, really fucking loves slime to stim and help him calm down- or chews on something29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? something gay, probably 30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? yes and yes!!! he wants to get married and have a family with dan :331. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? dan got into a bad bar fight once, he was having a shitty day and the guy was being an absolute douchebag asshole and tyler wasn’t there to help him or stop him and it was just… bad… once dan took him to a petting zoo to meet and pet some sheep and he cried because it was quite possibly the nicest thing anyones ever done for him and then the dumbass also set up a picnic for afterwards and he fucking bawled again stupid gay saps32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? the funds for college esdrtf33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? nope he is a soft crybaby 34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? i dont LIKE this fucking q smfh35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? he daydreams a lot, yeah, and hes almost always worried because his anxiety is an absolute bitch but hes working on it36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? he just wants dan and to go to art school37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? he has to say goodnight to all of his stuffed animals before bed every night sdfgfgghj38. What would your character do with a million dollars? a r t  s c h o o l39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? strawberries, mangos, chocolate almond milk, leftover food from a restaurant he went to with dan, and some chocolate syrup. nothing, he has to keep his room clean always. nightstand has a graphic novel and book hes currently reading, a note/poem from dan with a small lamb he got him, and a bottle of peach tea. 40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? somewhere really really fancy with dan! he’d wear a cute suit, a white one with a pastel yellow button up shirt and a black tie. wears the necklace dan got him and probably a few dainty rings that match well together/when layered 41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? he cries. a lot. he gets really overwhelmed when he’s angry, and tends to scream or yell42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? on his arms from self harm, his hips as well… 43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? he doesn’t like saying rude things44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? uhhh if he asks he’ll probably take what the person says into consideration but if he hasnt asked, he’ll get mad/sad 45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? he like it46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? he gives it to dan rdyftugyhio47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? s e n d  h i m  t o  a r t  s c h o o l  p l e a s e48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? err his parents were kind of absent a lot, they traveled so much for business that he was often alone, only himself for company. his mom was loving, for the most part, when she was home. she got drunk quite often, though, but that just made her more giggly and unfocused. his dad… was hard on him, kinda abusive. often ignored him, honestly, unless it came to school and ‘being a man.’ he can be very distant at times, and self isolates often… yet he’s afraid of being alone, he doesn’t want to be abandoned, so he loves the wrong people, stays with the wrong people, because it seems right. if they stay, ill be okay, even if im still crying. even if it still hurts 49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? he does like candy! gets sugar rushes sometimes sdrftugyu dan finds it so fucking cute bc he’s so hyper and giggly 50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? oh please don’t stress him out like that…

Alexander: He/They - Virgo - 24 - 6′0

1. What is your OC’s favorite color? dark purple2. Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect? swords, dragons, and bookmarks3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to? dairy and bees4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear? what he actually has to wear differs from what he personally likes. his father is the king so because of that, he often has to wear a lot of suits/prince attire. but personally, when he doesnt have to be Prince, he likes to wear dark and comfy clothes, a lazy emo5. What is your OC’s first memory? he vaguely remembers aster being born and wanting to help his mom take care of her 6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite? dragons!!! doesnt have a least favorite??? maybe mosquitos 7. What element would your OC be? hhhhh water 8. What is your OC’s theme song? something heavy and dark9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC? he has a charming n husky kinda voice !10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC? greed or envy11. What are your OC’s hobbies? fighting, taking care of dragons, making rings, and reading historical books12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they? he’s been trained to be patient, for the most part, but when he’s passionate about something he tends to get hot-headed sometimes 13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.? non-binary, bisexual, he’s an alien so he’s kinda pinkish… same color as aster but a little lighter 14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods? loves seafood… isn’t really into eggs 15. If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why? he Has his dream pet, a dragon, so he’s Good16. What does your OC smell like? woodsy and clean 17. How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job? he’s a prince but he works with dragons a lot!!! it’s his Dream… or to sell his rings 18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths? commitment, losing his family, and sharks. he gets too lost in his head at times, distances himself from everyone. he’s physically very strong and a charming/calm guy by nature 19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song? he’s not the biggest music guy but enjoys rock/alternative/emo stuff20. If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do? curious about everything, goes into almost every shop he can find and tries out so many different foods…21. What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves? his last relationship was Bad and he’s still very much affected by it… he hates wearing socks to bed dfyguh it annoys him so much22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school? excellent, top of his class23. What is a random fact about your OC? he loves tattoos and would love to be covered in them one day 24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living? currently, his outlook is very bleak dxfyuibj he’s really sad,,,25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them? i gave aster siblings and then slowly developed him in my head!26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why? his family, specifically his siblings, anddd his ex boyfriend still haunts his almost every thought and action :/27. What kind of childhood did your character have? good!!! he and his siblings did so much stuff together dxfghjkl; i Love them28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions? twists his rings a lot or shakes his leg when he’s nervous. doesn’t stim 29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose? fuck, man, i have no fucking clue and neither does he30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why? currently, no31. What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory? his ex boyfriend tried to kill him once. he relives that memory almost everyday, and hates himself for not telling anybody about it. his siblings always know how to cheer him up, which he’s soooo grateful for. the 3 of them went to an amusement park once and just had so much fun, eating waaaay too much and going on all of the rides 32. If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be? happiness33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? er probably wouldn’t but if it was his ex… he would reconsider 34. What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually? his dads the king, hes a prince, so he often finds himself at balls or parties and pretends to be super charming and openly available for marriage, even though he doesn’t want it and his younger brother will most likely take the throne instead35. How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories? he never stops living in daydreams or memories and would like it all to just. stop. let him b r e a t h e36. What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain? peace. he wants everything to stop, he wants his head to stop convincing him somethings wrong when hes fine and he wants his thoughts to stop wants the voices gone.37. What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do? he sucks skittles and starbursts for a long ass time before actually eating them…38. What would your character do with a million dollars? donate it all 39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can? nothing dfhgjk he hasn’t restocked it yet,,, probably some clothes and random books lying around. uhhh probably some alcohol, candy, and a map. crumpled up paper and wrappers in his garbage can40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with? uh probably alone and to get wasted or high,,, doesnt matter where :/41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why? self isolates and simmers in his anger, throws shit and screams because hes so mad/frustrated 42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from? theres some cigarette burns on his thighs from his ex, a couple on his back and arms/legs from either fighting or his ex… there’s probably more but id have to think a lot more on his ex and stuff, which i will do eventually!43. What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said? towards the end of his relationship he probably said some harsh things to his ex44. How does your character react/ accept criticism? fine unless its super personal to him, then it reminds him of his ex and he cant focus on anything, he shuts down45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza? inhales it. please feed him46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works? stares at it for so long.. would probably carry it with him always dsfgjkl;47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle? he things drawing buildings is super relaxing…48. What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult? very loving! hes very grateful for them and how supportive they are, even if its unconventional to being next in line for the throne. they just want him happy more than anything49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush? he loves candy, shoves it in his mouth so fast estrytuyul he only gets sugar rushes if he binges on candy around others??? never when hes just munching on it alone50. If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count? i cant say he’d be entirely mad at his current state… would probably say his goodbyes and then just wait, or wander around waiting 

[phandomsecretvalentines]

The Evening Glow

Words: 5k

Genre: Fluff, (very) light angst

Rating: G

Summary: Dan hasn’t had the best luck when it comes to blind dates, so when Louise recommends he date her friend Phil, he’s skeptical. But even when he begins to fall for Phil, he can’t shake his crush for the attractive cashier at ASDA who he knows only as Lester.

Author’s Notes: This fic was written for @dont-tell-them-i-write-phan for phandomsecretvalentines 2018! I tried to incorporate everything you said from my ask, friend! I hope you love it!

Dan snapped the lens cap back on the large camera in a huff. He began the process of packing up, a familiar routine.  The delicate balance of the weight on his shoulder so he didn’t drop thousands of dollars of equipment that didn’t belong to him, and the meticulous packing in the padded bags.

“I swear this panda will never be born,” he complained. “What is this, the third time we’ve been out here? And nothing.”

Louise rolled her eyes at him, running her fingers through her hair for the first time all night. It was absolutely forbidden while she was in front of the camera, after all the work the crew puts into hair and makeup.

“Come on, Dan. You know that the first time we were out here it was at the beginning of the story to announce the pregnancy, and last time they really thought the cub was coming!”

“And today?” Dan said, a hollow laugh following quickly as he knew the answer was ridiculous. He also knew that Louise knew.

Dan was just sick of it. His first anniversary at the local news channel had been a couple months ago, and he was still being put on the fluffy stories. It had been six months at least since they promised him better gigs, and they had yet to deliver. He was craving something, more.

“Well, today we had to cover how inexplicably long this panda cub is staying in the mum,” she trailed off, defeated but trying her best to keep in light spirits. “Anyway, you can’t be so pessimistic all the time! So many people would love to be here at the zoo before opening.”

“Name one!” Dan said as the pair shuffled out of the vet center.

“My friend Phil,” she snapped her fingers and pointed at Dan as she realized. “He loves animals, pandas in particular.”

“Oh, not this again!” Dan laughed. The conversation was nearly as familiar as the camera he carries at work every day.

“You’d like him, I swear to you!” Louise quipped. She batted him playfully on the arm, and wrapped a hand around it, shaking him back and forth.

“Louise, the last time you set me up on a blind date, the jerk bailed on me halfway through it!”

“He hadn’t told me his daughter was due to be born any day! What could you expect from the poor man? He had to be there.” They went through their practiced dance. “Besides, that was two months ago, and Phil isn’t expecting a child so no need to worry.”

Truthfully, Dan had been considering getting out in the dating world again. While Louise’s suggestions weren’t always perfect, it would be, well, convenient. He sighed.

“How did you meet this guy again?”

“He was in my uni program! Trust me, you’re just his type. He loves the gloomy, self-loathing thing,” he teased.

“Hey!” Dan nudged her shoulder to shoulder and sent her balance off-kilter. She stumbled around the pavement looking drunk with giddiness and late nights.

“I’m joking with you, of course!” She said. “Listen, just take his number. It doesn’t mean you have to marry him, jeez.”

Dan considered this for a moment. He could refuse Louise again, but though she was sweet, she was also stubborn. He’d never hear the end of it. Or he could take the number and give it a shot. His shoulders slumped with resignation as he pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it over.

Louise gleefully took out her own and copied the number into his, under the name “Phil 🖤”

Dan rolled his eyes as he examined his new contact. Louise pulled him into a soft hug before they parted ways.

“Remember to answer my calls Dan! We need you when this cub finally does make an appearance,” she said over her shoulder as she walked away.

Above the contact screen, Dan could see the time shining 6:15am. The news team called him out earlier than ever before. He reminded himself that this was what paying dues is all about, but somehow that didn’t help his eyes stay open or his brain to work properly. Too late to get back to sleep, he thought.

The dreaded sun was already peeking out from behind the historic buildings of London, spreading oranges and purples across the horizon. Disgusting. He’d need coffee if he was going to make it to the evening broadcast. Lots of coffee.

Dan turned into the nearest ASDA, the desperation overtaking the laziness. The artificial lights were all too bright and unwelcome for six in the morning. He squinted as he walked through the store between aisles of cereal until he finally found a refrigerator full of drinks, a single shelf dedicated to sickly sweet iced coffee in plastic bottles. He stared blankly, deciding between French Vanilla and Mocha.

He wondered which this Phil guy would pick. He had no idea what this man was like. Dan already had his fair share of bad blind dates to look back on. The last time, when he was ditched because his date’s ex-wife went into labor with his child, was not actually the worst of them.

Dan grabbed a bottle without really looking. Mocha it is.

He wanted to date, sure. It’s just that he was over being set up. Dan could get someone on his own; he was sure of it.

As he meandered to the check out line, he glanced up for the first time. The cashier stood quietly, his hand crooked awkwardly in his pocket, his uniform top bunching up behind his wrist.

The man was tall, and slender built. His black hair cut into a fringe that tapered down to just above the edge of his eye. It framed his face well. The color accented just how blue his eyes really were, and Dan took a moment to catch his breath.

He set his drink on the conveyor and watched as it scooted away slowly. Dan followed his gaze up to the cashier’s nametag. It read Lester.

“Is that your real name?” Dan asked. Lester’s face contorted, his eyebrows pulling together in offense. “Not that it’s bad or anything,” he saved himself. As the man’s face relaxed, Dan let a cool smile grace his lips.

“It’s my last name,” he said. “Big mix up. Lives were lost,” Lester said with a grin as he flipped the coffee across the laser scanner.

Dan giggled at that. He was cute, the way he bit his lip gently after such a sarcastic quip. A blush creeped up Dan’s neck. He could do this. He had plenty of experience flirting with attractive men.

“Well then, Mr. Lester,” he said with a wink, “that sounds like quite the disaster. I’m glad you made it.”

Dan watched a blush spread from his new friend’s cheekbones all the way to his nose as he averted his eyes.

“Would you like this in a bag?” Lester asked, reverting to a very professional customer service voice.

“No, thanks,” Dan said, accepting that it was time to leave the poor guy alone.

“Pound fifty,” Lester responded kindly. Dan gave him the cash and a friendly nod before leaving.

“So did you text Phil?” Louise said as she fluffed her hair, to the dismay of the director standing just behind Dan. Dan adjusted the eyepiece and hoisted the camera to his shoulder, checking the angle of the shot.

“No,” he said flatly. He kept his eye focused into the lens.

“Are you going to explain that at all or will I be left hanging?” Louise replied.

“Look,” Dan started, “I just don’t want to text a total stranger, okay? I can do this on my own.”

“Sweetie,” Louise answered, “I know you can do it on your own, but Phil is a great guy! And it’s not like you’re seeing anyone else.” Louise checked her teeth for lipstick in her compact.

“I might be,” he said, scuffing his foot against the pavement. Louise’s eyes magnified.

“Spill!”

“It’s nothing,” Dan brushed it off. “It’s just this really cute guy. He works at an ASDA close by me.”

“Oh, Dan!” Louise’s shoulders slumped. “Be honest, when have you ever gotten a date with a random cashier?”

“Places!” the director called. “We’re on in five!”

Dan shuffled around to perfect the shot.

“I could definitely get a date with this guy,” Dan promised.

“Darling, what do you even know about him?”

“Well, just his name, and where he works. And that he’s so, so cute. And sexy. And funny.”

“You got all of that, huh?” She asked, a smirk on her face.

“Well, no, I only know his last name.” Dan sighed. He knew Louise was right.

“Listen, Phil is amazing. He would be so great for you. He likes Muse, and anime, and video games. He’s really sweet. Just give him a chance.”

“Okay,” Dan said, gesturing to her to step a bit to the right while he looks into the camera again. “I’ll text him tonight.”

“You will?” Louise confirmed. Dan nodded.

“Five,” the director called with her fingers up. “Four. Three.” She continued counting down on her fingers as Dan hit the button the begin the broadcast.

Dan fidgeted with his phone, clicking the home button twice rapidly and closed the Messages app. He reopened it and typed out a quick “hey” and deleted it.

It was stupid. He didn’t need to be nervous. In fact, he didn’t really need to be doing this at all. But at least it would get Louise off his back. He was going to give it a shot.

Hey I got this number from Louise

She wanted me to text you. My name is Dan

He waited only a moment before he saw an ellipsis appear to tell him that Phil was responding.

Hey! Yeah, this is Phil. Louise told me you’d be messaging me sometime. :)

I heard you like Muse too. Lol.

They both shared their experiences at the Muse shows they went to as teens. Dan could feel the tightening of his chest as his phone lit up with another message from Phil. It was familiar and exciting all the same, a feeling he remembered from high school.

Dan flirted unabashedly.

If you were an anime character who would you be

Phil replied.

Kirito all the way. Not really, but a guy can dream, right?

Dan couln’t help but think Phil would be a great Kirito, despite how little he knew about him.

Can I be your Asuna

But like without the breasts

The response came quickly.

You can be my Asuna even if you’ve got the breasts. I don’t judge.

Dan bit his lower lip. It was an instant connection with Phil. He didn’t want to put his cell down.

So Louise says you were in the same uni program

What do you do

He rubbed the edge of his phone as he waited, eager to learn more about this man.

I’m trying to break into the radio business. Maybe as a DJ.

But it’s tough.

He smiled.

I believe in you… and we all know that a strangers faith is the most reliable right

Hours later, he fell asleep feeling dizzy and light. This Phil guy was something, he’d give Louise that much.

By the time he walked into ASDA the next morning, Phil was still on his mind. They texted for hours, yet somehow he still felt like Dan’s mystery man. Sure, he knew his favorite song, and he knew all of his anime senpais, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing out on something important. Something good.

He put the same coffee on the conveyor belt as last time, only in that moment realizing that he’d walked right into Lester’s aisle again.

“Oh, Mr. Lester,” Dan teased. “Fancy seeing you here again.” He enjoyed how the man held a chuckle back from his soft lips, a pale pink just barely off his fair skin tone, but they complimented it well.

“I work here,” he said, and Dan watched his lips form every beautiful word, pull up into a more genuine smile.

If Dan were being honest with himself, he wanted to pursue whatever he could with this Lester. He enjoyed his little mannerisms. The way he caught his tongue between his teeth when he laughed made Dan’s heart flutter.

He scanned the bottle, clicking the keyboard of the computer to his side.

“Pound fifty,” he said. “Those are gross, by the way. It’s like the worst coffee in the world.”

“Well maybe you’ll have to show me better coffee sometime,” Dan said without thinking. Lester froze, his eyes growing wide and Dan hated himself for a split second. He made it weird. “Or maybe not, whatever.” Dan tried to smooth it over. He didn’t even know if Lester liked men.

“Perhaps,” Lester said. His long slim fingers carded through his hair, pulling his fringe up into a slight quiff, but Dan only found it more attractive on him.

He thought it best to leave it at that for the day. After all, Dan knew Louise was right. He didn’t know anything real about Lester. Maybe his quirks were cute, but he wasn’t vetted. Maybe Phil was a safer bet.

He paid graciously and muttered a polite goodbye. As he walked out of the store, Dan cringed at the thought of choosing the safer option for the sake of it. It wasn’t that, not really. He liked Phil, that much was clear. He really liked Phil.

He told Louise as much as they walked to the Underground after their broadcast across the city later that day.

“So, how did it go?” she said with a teasing wiggle in her voice that matched her squirming eyebrows.

“I think it went really well, actually,” Dan said as he slid his hands into his pockets. His pace slowed as he thought of their last conversation.

“I knew it!” she cheered, her hands clapping quickly and she hopped a bit. “When’s the wedding?”

“Oh, shut up,” Dan nudged her with his elbow. “It’s not like that. He’s just, really cool.”

Dan couldn’t help the blush on his cheeks, so he angled his face to the ground.

“I’m kidding with you, you know that.” Louise picked his face up by the chin until she could see the redness spreading further. “I’m so glad you like him, dear.”

“I looked him up on Twitter,” he admit, “but he doesn’t have any pictures of himself.”

The two made their way down the steps into the tunnels below to wait for their respective trains.

“Ah, yeah. Phil is very self conscious,” Louise explained.

“Really?” Dan asked, surprised. “But he was in your program in uni? Wasn’t that broadcasting?”

“Yes, and then he went over to radio,” Louise shot him a look, as if that should explain everything. It didn’t. “He’s not the most confident of guys, with his looks. Used to dream of being a weatherman, but he just couldn’t get comfortable in front of the camera.”

They stopped in front of a platform. Louise double checked the light up sign that read the arrival time of the next train.

“Is he like,” Dan thought of the best way to ask without offending Phil, “not conventionally attractive?”

“Oh, he’s attractive,” Louise answered easily. “He just doesn’t see it himself.”

“I wish I could see him,” Dan said, his voice dropping low.

“Then ask him out on a date!” Louise responded. Her perky voice made it all seem so easy.

“Maybe soon,” Dan said. He hadn’t even gotten him on the phone yet. He wanted to talk with him, hear the tone in his voice as they flirted. He wanted some kind of human experience that wasn’t just text.

Louise kissed Dan on the cheek when the train came flying by them. Dan watched her step over the gap and she called back to him.

“Do what you’ve gotta do,” and she waved.

Dan moved to grab his phone as he walked to his area of the Underground, waiting for the train that would take him home.

Hey I was thinking about you today

How have you been

A few minutes later, Phil’s name lit up his lock screen.

I’ve been well! I saw a cute dog today.

Dan giggled. Phil was the type, it seemed, that got joy from the littlest things. He thought about how nice that would be, to have someone in his life like that.

Can I call you

Dan knew Phil had seen the message. He waited for the ellipsis to appear, but it didn’t. He stepped onto his platform. Dan tried to ignore the tightness in his chest as he waited for his phone to buzz.

A few minutes later the vibrations tickled against his leg.

I would, but I’m just-

I’m really shy.

Dan answered immediately.

I like shy

His hands flew to his hair and he swirled his fingers through the curls. He did like shy guys. He bit his lower lip expectantly. His mind wandered, imagining what Phil looked like with a flush of coyness up his neck.

Yet, when he thought of demure boys, all he could really think about was how Lester sticks his tongue between his teeth to hold back his laugh.

But okay no phone calls yet

When will I get to meet you

Dan arrived at his stop and began his walk to his flat.

Eventually. :p

Despite his eyes being glued to his phone, he could feel them drooping. He held his phone to his chest as he fell asleep.

When he awoke in the morning, all Dan could think about was blue eyes.

It was driving him insane, if Dan were being honest with himself. He liked Phil, so much. When they texted it felt like the whole world melted away. But Dan couldn’t shake this crush on Lester, his mysterious ASDA man.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed at the ungodly hour of seven in the morning. Way too late to not have a reason to be up, but he had a feeling that he had to go buy a coffee. This infatuation wasn’t going away until he truly acted on it.

It’s not like he and Phil were exclusive or anything, he reasoned. In fact, they haven’t even explicitly stated their relationship was a romantic one.

Dan knew that logic wouldn’t hold up. It was a technicality at best. He shook the conflict from his mind as he pulled his black skinny jeans over his legs and a grey color blocked jumper over his head. The door behind him slammed shut as he barrelled out onto the pavement and down the street.

Car sped past him in the road and Dan barely stopped to look both ways before running across it. The morning light was still golden, blinding him as he turned the corner to walk the ten blocks to the grocery store.

Dan could feel his pounding heart. Exercise was never his strong suit, but he couldn’t stop. If he stopped jogging, he may have time to rethink his actions, and he didn’t want to do that.

As the automatic doors parted before him like the Red Sea, Dan felt anything but magical. A tall pale figure with dark hair was stepping into a separate room at the back of the store, seeming to pull his smock over his head.

“Lester!” Dan called from the entrance. “Wait!”

He summoned what little energy he had left and speed-walked to where Lester stood.

“Yeah?” Lester asked, his eyes skimming up and down Dan’s body, assessing the situation. He seemed bewildered, but not unhappy to see him.

“I was wondering if you wanted to show me some better coffee?” Dan asked, less than dignified.

It was out there now, he’d asked for the date, and now he felt unsteady, as if he stood on a tightrope and Lester was at the other end, with the power to reach for his hand or shake the rope.

“Oh, ummm,” Lester said. His hand flew to the back of his neck, rubbing some tension out of it. “It’s just that-”

“Oh no, you’re not,” Dan interrupted. He was falling.

“No!” Lester corrected. “It’s not that. I do like men, and I do think you’re attractive, but,” Lester said as he dropped his hand to his side and lowered his eyes to meet Dan’s, “I’m sort of, speaking to someone right now. I wouldn’t feel right about it.”

Lester’s hands made their way to his pockets and he slid them inside. The guilty look on his face may have been cute if Dan wasn’t felt embarrassed as hell.

“That’s alright,” he said. “It’s fine, it’s good.” Dan stood still, hoping to turn the conversation around somehow, regain some pride.

“I’m really sorry,” Lester said as he pulled at his smock again. There was a tinge of regret in his voice, and sadness. “I was just about to head out, maybe I’ll see you around though.”

“Yeah,” Dan said and Lester entered the employee lounge and shut the door behind him.

Dan left the store, feeling awkward leaving without buying anything. He dialed Louise immediately.

“Hello?” she answered happily. “Dan, you never call!”

“I asked him out,” Dan nearly shouted. He fast-walked down the road without a clear destination.

“Phil? That’s great sweetheart!” Louise cheered.

“Not Phil, the guy from ASDA,” he said. Shame now wracked his own voice.

“Dan, no! I thought you were going to ask Phil out!” Louise prodded.

The day was too bright outside. It was stifling. Dan narrowed his eyes against the sunlight.

“I was going to, he didn’t want me to call him. And today all I could think about was my crush on the grocery man.” He tried to justify his decision, mostly to himself. “I knew that I could never move forward with Phil if this guy was in my head all the time.”

“So what happened then, love?” Her voice was more gentle.

“He turned me down, Louise. And now I just feel so shitty. He’s seeing someone else. Not a big deal, I’ve been rejected before. But how could I have done that to Phil? He’s-” Dan paused to think of the best way to describe Phil. How could he explain all the emotions he was going through, over simple text messages? “He’s amazing.”

“Dan, you haven’t even been on a date with Phil! He’s an understanding guy. Just call him, tell him what happened.”

Dan hailed a taxi, still not sure exactly where he wanted to go, but knowing that he wanted to get away.

“He doesn’t want to talk to me on the phone,” he responded. The driver asked for an address and Dan just asked him to be taken to the London Eye.

“Just call him! He likes you, he won’t refuse your call.”

Louise was making sense. Buildings and cars were flying across Dan’s line of vision and he already regret getting into a car. It just made everything feel like it was going faster. He was panicking.

He politely let Louise off the line and dialed Phil.

“Dan?” he heard on the other line. His voice almost sounded familiar, he liked it.

“Phil! I’m so glad you answered.” He said without giving Phil much time to speak. “Listen, I have to tell you something.”

“Oh, go ahead.” He sounded concerned.

“I sort of asked someone out this morning,” Dan rambled on. “I’m sorry. I’m going to sound so rude right now, I just really feel like I can tell you anything. Anyway, I’ve had this crush on this guy from my ASDA. And I couldn’t help but ask him out this morning. I feel so stupid.”

“Dan,” was all Phil said. There was a catch in his voice. He’s hurt, Dan figured. He smacked himself in the forehead.

“I’m really sorry, Phil. I just… I really like you, and I couldn’t move forward with you without some sort of closer with him. He turned me down, so I got that. But now,” Dan took a moment of pause to check his phone, which buzzed at his ear. Louise was calling. He ignored it. “Now I just want to give this a chance for us, and I couldn’t do that without telling you about it. I couldn’t lie.”

He heard a faint giggle through the line. Dan thought it might sound empty, a facade.

“It’s fine, Dan,” Phil said, before, “Oh! Louise is calling me.”

“No, please, just don’t hang up the phone yet. Can I meet you? I really want to meet you, in person.”

Dan felt strange. He wasn’t used to pleading. The cab stopped on the side of the street near the Ferris Wheel.

“I guess you’ll meet me very soon,” Phil said, a clear smile in his voice which only confused Dan further. “Louise just texted me. The baby panda is being born! I’m going to meet you both there!”

Phil was eager about the panda. Dan could almost see the way he would dance around in excitement. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he must be angry.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Dan said to the driver, “but can you bring me to the London Zoo instead?”

It all happened so quickly. Half an hour later, Dan had finished broadcasting about the birth of a healthy new panda cub.

The mother was licking the cub on the back, cleaning it up while the vets looked over it. They had an exclusive view as press. He wrung his hands together as he anxiously waited for Phil to arrive.

“Don’t be so nervous! He’s going to love you,” Louise reassured him with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Dan turned to face her, leaning against the railing that protects the panda enclosure. His elbows resting on the bar casually, he could feel the ache of pressure against his bones and the cold metal on his skin.

Across the vet center, the double doors swung open and he saw someone enter. He’d recognize that face anywhere, it was Lester.

“Fuck!” Dan said beneath his breath. “How did he find me?”

“What?” Louise asked, looking around. “Who ‘found’ you?”

“It’s the ASDA guy. How did he know I’d be here?” Dan wondered. He faced into the pandas again, hiding his face. “He can’t be here, not when I’m supposed to be meeting Phil.”

“Sweetie, that is Phil. Who are you talking about?” Louise waved the man over.

Dan stared at Louise’s face in astonishment. She gave him a hug when he reached them.

“Dan, Phil. Phil, Dan,” she said. Phil’s face turned red and he rubbed the back of his head.

“Hey,” was all he said.

Dan’s head was spinning.

“You’re?” Dan said, dumbfounded.

“Phil,” he said, extending his hand forward. Dan met it with his own and their skin finally met. It was warm, and the electricity in his nerves moved in waves from his hands all over his body. “Phil Lester, actually.”

“This whole time,” Dan said, tone flat, not sure if he was asking or stating.

“I only just found out,” Phil . “When we were on the phone.”

Dan brushed his explanation aside, in favor of leaning in the place a wistful kiss to his lips.

They moved together, with Phil sinking into it despite his nerves. He was shy, after all. But with Dan taking the first step, he felt free enough to lace his fingers through Dan’s curly hair. The short buzzed sides lightly scratching his palm as he ran it up and down to get Dan closer.

When they broke apart, Dan spoke first.

“Can you stay here with me?” the vulnerability peppering his tone.

“You mean like a date?” Phil said, and he bit his bottom lip in the way Dan always adored, back when he was simply Lester. Dan nodded his head furiously.

“Of course!” Phil enthused. “Who says no to a zoo date?”

“I don’t know,” Dan reasoned. “Someone who doesn’t like the person who’s asked them?”

Phil ran his hand down the outside of Dan’s arm, an innocent enough gesture, but meaningful all the same.

“I like you,” he said.

“Wait, Dan said. “It thought you were in radio? But you work at ASDA!”

Phil laughed.

“I’m breaking into it! Give me time.” Dan shook his head, taking in the absurdity of it all.

Dan and Phil spent the rest of the day at the zoo. When they were finally kicked out of the panda enclosure, they spent over an hour with the llamas, two with the lions, and made sure to hit every exhibit in between.

Dan watched every mannerism Phil made, soaking in the way his hand crooked in his pocket when he was idling, and the way he bobbed his head when he was happy. He noticed how he used all fingers to gesture air quotations and Dan had to catch his breath.

How could he be so lucky.

When Dan finally felt the adventure of the day wearing down on him, and his eyes began closing slower and slower, they made their way to the exit.

The sun was setting in front of them, and Dan reached to pull Phil’s hand into his own.

“I’m really sorry that I asked you out. Well, Lester out, when I was already texting you,” he said, the remorse still weighing on his shoulders.

“You don’t have to apologize to me, for asking me out,” Phil replied.

“But you showed some loyalty in turning me down,” Dan said regretfully.

“Okay,” Phil said. “But then can I say I’m sorry for turning you down, just because I was already talking to you?”

“That’s silly,” Dan said. He felt Phil kiss the side of his head as they looked out at the sunset.

“Exactly,” Phil answered, and squeezed his hand tighter.

They both looked out over the horizon, and how the oranges faded to pinks, and purple, and black. The evening glow warmed their bodies. The day had set, but it felt like a beginning.

[bobbyseyesmile]

What am I to you? PART 5

Jooheon was back and even if Y/N let him in her apartment, she wasn’t sure if she should let him in her life that fast again... So Jooheon proved it to her and that she could trust him. 

But he wasn’t the only one Y/N trusted... 

GENRE: Rated M for MATURE (I’m so sorry this chapter is pure smut and a little bit kinky shit lmao but still a lil fluff so here you go) 

"Man, I imagined this so much..." I mumbled quietly, my breath hitting her ear and she shuddered.

"I-imagined w-what?" she asked shakily.

"That I would be your first. I imagined all the things I would do to you... Kissing your whole body, ran my fingers through your hair, whisper in your ear how much I love you and how good you feel when I slowly push inside you for the first time..."

Y/N shuddered and grabbed my biceps. "I imagined it too..." she confessed and my heart swelled to the max.

"What did you imagine? Tell me everything..." I said and her cheeks flushed in a deep red. It was so cute seeing her that shy and innocent.

"Did you ever touched yourself while thinking about me?" I asked and she gasped.

She remained silent and couldn't consider my eyes. It looked cute.

"Tell me. Don't be shy." I kissed the shell of her ear and she whined.

"I d-did..." she finally spoke and I smirked.

"Yeah? Did you say my name when you came?"

"Jooheon..." she whined again and I chuckled low.

"I did it." I said and she opened her eyes and looked surprised. "How could I not... Every time you took my hand or whined my name because somethings bothered you, I imagined you lying under my body. Covered in sweat, your nails dragged in my arms while I pound in you... and when I was standing under the shower, I touched myself and moaned your name... You got me so fucked up, baby girl..."

I snuggled in her neck while my hand roamed over her body, sneaked under my shirt which was way too large for her but it looked so damn hot on her...

"I moaned your name too..." she whispered and I hummed in appreciation.

"You want to moan it again?"

She nodded and I bit softly in her neck. "Words, baby. Use your words."

"Y-yes..."

"And say my name. Over and over." I looked deep in her eyes until she blushed again. "And every time you'll hear my name, I want you to remember what we've done this night..."

While I spoke, I moved down to her belly and kissed it softly. Y/N's breath got faster the closer I got to her core.

"Please, Jooheon..."

"What? What do you want?"

"Touch me..."

"Where?" I teased and she whined.

"Don't make me do this... I'm not good in dirty talk."

"Don't be shy, Y/N..." I said and kissed her thighs. "You don't have to be afraid of this in front of me... I love you."

Our eyes met and her lips parted when my thump was pressed against her clit. "Want me to touch you?"

"Yes... please..."

"What should I do?" I asked again and this time she answered me with tinted cheeks.

"Move your thump..."

"Like this?" My thump started to circle around her bundle of nerves. Y/N threw her head behind and moaned.

"Yes... oh please don't stop." she whined and I felt my bulge grow at the sight of her.

"Want more?" I asked and she nodded. "Words, Baby girl."

"Please finger me."

The bluntness of her words got us both speechless for a moment but then I smiled. I was glad to break her ice so she could be herself.

I slowly entered one finger in her now wet core and she sighed.  

"More... please." she begged and I added another one whilst picking up a slowly pace so she could adjust.

Meanwhile my cock was rock hard and ready but I knew this was something special for both of us.

I dreamed about this so often, I knew what I wanted to do to her... I wanted her underneath me, sweating, whining and shaking of pleasure...

"Jooheon..."

"Hmm?" I hummed.

"I'm close..." she said and I nodded.

"Good. Let go Baby, come on." I increased the speed and then flattened my tongue on her clit and sucked.

"Oh shit!" she screamed and grabbed the bedsheets when she finally came.

I stood up and she watched me through hooded eyes while I licked my fingers.

"I want you..." she whispered and I climbed on the bed again.

"What do you want?" I asked and caressed her cheeks.

"I want to sleep with you... I've always wanted you to be my... my first..."

I leaned down and kissed her while tugging on the shirt. She got the hint and threw it away when she was finally completely naked. Meanwhile I rolled over a condom and she watched me doing it and bit her lip.

I couldn't wait any longer, I needed to feel her and held her in my arms.

"It could hurt a little but... but I'll be careful, I promise..." I whispered and she put her hands on my cheeks.

"I trust you, Jooheon."

"I love you..." I whispered.

"I love you t-" she spoke and I slowly pushed inside her. "God..." Y/N moaned and buried her nails in my shoulders.

"Does it hurt?" I asked and suddenly got really concerned because holy shit this wasn't just some girl I slept with, this was Y/N. The girl I've always wanted and loved. The girl I want to marry in the future and live a long life together...

"N-no..." she said and opened her eyes after a few seconds. "Feels good... just a little bit strange... it's so... big."

Holy Shit. I tried so hard not to come right on the spot when I heard her saying those words. Her lips were slightly parted, cheeks flushed in a pink shade and her eyes looked at me with one of the most innocently looks I've ever seen.  

"Fuck, Y/N..." I growled and slowly started to move. She quietly started to moan but after a while I fastened the pace and she mewled and whined my name. This was 100 times better than all my wet dreams...

"Jooheon..." she whined and I panted.

"Does it feel good?"

"Yes! Please d-dont stop..." Y/N closed her eyes and released a few mewls of my name mixed with moans.

I leaned down and pressed my lips against her neck and softly sucked on it. Y/N sighed and her nails roamed over my back.

"I love you so much..." I whispered and then stopped.

"What are you-" Y/N opened her eyes and I smirked.

"Ride me."

I sat back up and Y/N climbed on my lap. Our bodies were pressed together and our eyes met when she sank down on my length.

"Oh..." she sighed and bit her lips. I kissed the corner of her mouth, her neck, her cheek. My fingers ran through her hair and softly pulled.

Y/N started to move and her hands were pressed against my chest.

"Look at me." I said and she opened her eyes. "I'm sorry... and I swear to god, I'm going to make up for putting you through hell the last weeks."

"I love you..." she whispered back and closed her eyes again. "You know I do... I j-just..."

Before she could complete the sentence, I started to move my hips and she moaned. Yes, so much shit happened between us and I knew that I hurt her and that she couldn't trust me right now but she trusted me enough to give herself to me and she was moaning MY name. And that was all that mattered now...

"I'm close, Jooheonie..." she spoke and panted between her words.   The nickname she used since we were kids, brought me almost over the edge. This was so fucking intense and intimate I couldn't believe it.

"Me too." I answered and she began to mover her hips faster and a little bit harder.

"You're liking it that way, baby girl?" I asked and she whined. "You like it a little harder?"

"Y-yes... it's perfect... Almost there..."

"You know... I always imagined us on our honeymoon. When I take you on every surface of the hotel room or at the beach at night when we're completely alone and all I hear is the sound of the sea and your moans and begs filled with my name..." I could feel her starting to tremble. She was so close, almost there...

"And then you would scream and I would come deep inside you..."

"Fuck!" Y/N screamed and I could feel her tighten around me. The orgasm hit her so hard, her whole body shook and the pleasure washed over her flustered face. I helped her to rode out the orgasm and she repeated my name again and again.

I kissed her and then pulled out. Y/N was completely sensitive and still trembled but watched me after throwing away the condom.

"Come here..." she whispered.

"What are you doing?" I asked when she suddenly wrapped her hand around my cock.

"Helping you to get off..."

"Y/N, you don't have to do this..." I said but then her hand moved and I closed my eyes.

"You like it when my little hand is wrapped around your cock?" Her voice sounded so sweet, my eyes blew open and widened when I looked at her. Y/N bit her lip and I watched her small hand going up and down.

"Shit..." I cursed under breath.

"That's it, right? You like it when I talk innocently like this?" she whispered and I nodded.

"Fuck, yes!"

"Look at me." Her voice trembled but then she suddenly wrapped her lips around me.

"Shit, Y/N!" I gasped. "Fuck baby girl... You feel so good..."

She hummed and the vibrations of her throat hit me like bullet shots. My hand disappeared in her hair and she hummed again.

That was it. I came and threw my head back whilst moaning her name.

After a few seconds my breath started to calm down and Y/N snuggled into my chest.

"That was amazing..." I said, my voice hoarse from the intense orgasm.

"Really?" she asked shy and I pulled her closer to me.

"Really. I meant it when I said before that I'll make it up to you..."

"I know." she cheeped.

This moment was perfect... It felt like eternity laying on the bed, snuggled close, our hands intertwined and our lips pecking at each other’s.

Suddenly Y/N's phone started to ring and I whined.

"Just a sec." she promised and pecked my lips before she answered the call.

"Hello?" she said cheerful but then her face went pale. "Uhm... yes, yes of course... Uhm, sure! I'll be there then. Bye."

I didn't need to ask who it was. I already knew when she turned around and glanced me a look.

"What does he want?" I asked and she bit her lips nervously.

"He wants to take me out into this new restaurant in town..."

"Tonight?"

"In an hour."

"Oh, come on!" I growled and Y/N pouted.

"Don't be angry... I told you I can't just leave him..."

"Yeah. I know." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Can I stay here?"

Her face lit up and she nodded. "Yes! Of course!"

Maybe she thought that I would disappear again.

"I'll be there when you come back. I promise."

  "Fuck! Oh god... Wonho...." she cried and I growled in annoyance.

"Shut up!"

My hips pounded against her ass and I held her hands behind her back. I hissed when she pushed herself back on me and swayed her hips.

"Oh shit... You're so good for me, Princess..." I leaned forward and whispered into her ear. One hand on her hips, the other one intertwined in her hair as I fucked her from behind. Her hands fell besides her body and she gripped the sheets.

"Harder! Please..."

"Shut up!" I smacked her ass and she yelped. "I said no talking for you..."

She whined and pressed her face into the pillow.

"Close?" I asked and she nodded. Good girl. I hated it when she talked during the sessions. "Me too."

When I finally came, I pulled harder on her ponytail and squeezed the flesh of her ass.

"Shit!" she screamed and the orgasm washed over her.

Exhausted and tired I fell into the mattress and closed my eyes.

"Ow..." she mumbled and rubbed her head. "Today you were especially rough..."

"Well, you wouldn't shut up." I answered and watched her rolling with the eyes.

"I hate it... Since you fell in love with this little brat, you told me to shut up during sex..."

"Sorry, Angie..." I yawned. "But I can't concentrate and imagine her when your annoying voice is stuck in my head."

"I bet you wouldn't fuck your little princess like that. I bet she's still untouched." Angie crossed her arms and I hummed in disapproval.

"Don't think so."

"Who the hell would touch her?!" she spat.

"Jooheon." I answered immediately. I didn't like the thought of Jooheon and Y/N but Angie was a little pain in the ass and I knew that she hated the answer even more. Well. Her bad.

"Oh, shut up!" she said and put on her clothes. "I don't need to stay and cuddle you, do I? Unless you want to imagine Y/N, but I bet she's cuddling Jooheon right now."

"Get the fuck out of here!" I growled and she grinned.

A few months ago, Angie and I started an affair because she likes the same kinky stuff that I like. So why not, I thought to myself.

I didn't like her. She was pretty but annoying and full of herself. I hated her, but the sex was good. So, we continued with the affair but then I fell in love with Y/N and since then, I always imagined about her when I slept with Angie.

Not nice, I know. But we both got what we wanted because Angie liked Jooheon so she probably imagined about him instead of me.

This was hell... This was pure torture. I fell in love with a girl who was in love with her childhood best friend and one of my best friends since High School.

But then everything changed... Jooheon wasn't the same anymore and finally Y/N noticed my presence. And I knew that she liked me too. Maybe not love, but it was enough to develop feelings towards me.

And it was just a matter of time and Jooheon would mess up again. Then Y/N would finally kick him in the ass and forget about him.

That's what I hoped.

But I knew that it was tricky and that Jooheon liked her too. No. He loved her. And I loved her.

And Y/N stood in between us.

This sounded like a frickin Teeny-movie or like Twilight. Edward left her too and still she stayed with him instead her loyal best friend. But this wasn't Twilight and not a shitty movie, this was real life with real feelings.  

I grabbed for my phone on the night stand and dialed Y/N's number.  

"Hello?" she picked up after a few seconds. My heart seems to explode by hearing her voice.  

"Hey princess. Care to go out tonight?"

"Uhm... yes, yes of course..."

"Good. I thought we could try that new restaurant I told you about. What if we meet in one hour at my place?"

"Uhm, sure! I'll be there then. Bye."

"Bye, Princess."

I showered, got dressed and waited for her. Y/N was always a punctual person, so it doesn't wonder me at all that she knocked exactly on point.

"Hey, Princess." I opened and smiled. I looked calm but internally I freaked the fuck out. She was so beautiful... Her pretty lips curved into a shy smile and her long lashes graced her beautiful eyes.

"Hey." she smiled back and I pulled her in for a kiss. Her lips and mine perfectly melted together and she sighed softly.

"Ready?" I asked and she nodded.

We headed to my car and I opened the door for her. Y/N smiled and my heart overflowed of love... How did I deserve her? How did anybody deserve her? Y/N was the sweetest and most innocent person I knew.

"So..." I spoke and started the car after I sat. My hand searched for hers and she smiled.

"Care to explain why Jooheon hid in your wardrobe earlier today?"

[spnbaby-67]

Craving You Chapter 9

Synopsis: The reader has a wonderful day with Jensen, but it ends when she runs into her bully from high school that made her life a living hell. What happens at the ball field and what does Jensen do?

A.N: Hey ya’ll, sorry it’s a bit late, I’ve been busy with work and such. Plus ive been having really bad days to where i want to give up and say forget it. but i can’t and i have to do my best to deal with it. I’m ok, but just got lots of stuff on my mind and can’t talk to anyone about it because i have no one to talk to. But Alas here is chapter 9 next chapter is really really good, and we find out about Jensen’s job. I promise it gets better after here. This story is AU and Jensen is single. no hate to Danneel i love her to. My work is to not be published anywhere and gifs i use i dont make so thank you to the original creators.

Warnings:  fluffy, bullying, language, sensitive issues with bullying, fighting.

Jensen pulled up into the drive right at 2:50 pm, which gave us a bit of time to be by ourselves before Jo came knocking on the window. He undone my seat belt and motioned for me to slide closer to him. I smiled, and did just that. When a good looking man like him ask you to come closer to him, do it. He put his arm around my neck and I snuggled under his shoulders just perfectly, then laid my head against him. My eyes closed a few times to reel him in, he was so comfortable and he smelt so good that I could stay like this forever. I still feel like this is a dream and I’m going to wake up any minute now. Because honestly, I’ve never fell so hard for someone in a short period of time. I know I shouldn’t feel anything, I mean geez it’s only been what 40 hours since I met him. But he’s making it so easy to be myself, and let go and let whatever take over. Lord, please don’t be playing a game on my heart. I sighed silently, hoping he didn’t hear me.  So many times I wanted to thank him for today, being with him and meeting his friends. But at the same time, I didn’t want anything to mess up the wonderful silence and the relaxation we both were feeling at this moment, so I kept it to myself. With him underneath me I can tell he was calm. He was breathing normally, as his right hand rubbed up and down my arm almost in sync with his breathing. If he holds someone like this all the time if not me, whomever he marries I sure hope they know what a lucky person they are.

I felt him move, and I look up at him. Just as I did, his lips were on mine. He shifted so he could kiss me without us being in an awkward position. His tongue got caught in my mouth as I sucked on it, which he didn’t seem to mind. He then glided his tongue around my mouth as if to savor the moment, or to remember time spent together. He taste like coffee and mint, which are my two favorite combinations I could kiss him forever. Little moans here and there between us both captivated us that we didn’t hear a knock on the window.

Jensen looked at me with a smile and I laughed a bit. “Jo always knows when to interrupt.” I told him.

He took his right hand ran it to the side of my face to tuck a strand of loose hairs behind my ear. “It’s ok, I’m sure we’ll have some time together soon.” He winked at me as he opened the door.

“It’s about time, I thought you were going to swallow her whole.” She patted Jensen on the back shoulder as he helped me out.

I look at Jo, “Um, it’s the other way around.” I felt crimson creep up my cheeks then looked down at the driveway.

Jensen pulled me closer to him with his right arm around my waist as if he didn’t want to let me go.

“Ah hum, I see that. Well, missy you and I have a date.” She pried me from Jensen and linked her arms with mine. “Jay, see you at the ball field?” She asked as we walked away from him, we both looked back.

“I’ll be there.” He winked at us, and like a schoolgirl  with a massive crush I giggled and blushed, I quickly turned my head, so he wouldn’t see the crimson rising on my cheeks.

I watched him leave out of the curtains of the living room, Jo came over to me. She leaning into my back with her arms on my shoulders “Someone is in love.”  She hugs me and then pulls me over to the couch, we sit down and she snuggles up next to me. “So, you like him don’t you?”

I shrugged my shoulders like a bashful kid, “Yes, I do like him. But it’s weird I mean we just met yesterday, and I feel like this is all a dream. Like I’m back at home knocked out because I hit my head or something, you know how clumsy I can be.”

She smiled at me then took my hands in hers. “Babe, Jensen is a great guy. I see how he looks at you, and honestly, I saw ya’ll sitting in the truck right before I came to interrupt you. It looked so natural for you to be his arms like that, I’ve never seen him that comfortable with someone. Give it a shot, don’t question it. See how it goes, invite him to the barbeque tomorrow and take him horseback riding, ooh better yet there’s a carnival in town take him to that.” She was getting all excited about my love life, funny thing was I was enjoying it.

“We just met yesterday morning at Starbucks Jo, I mean what’s the coincidence that he was even on the same plane. Plus, you know him and he lives here and works in Vancouver, kisses like a dream, he smells amazing. I mean he’s perfect, and I’m me. I got bills, I’m in debt up to my eyeballs it’s just so overwhelming. Besides, I’m supposed to be here with you. I couldn’t do that.”

She grabbed my hands, when I’m nervous or talk to fast without taking a breath I tend to wave my hands in the air for no reason.

“Hey, calm down. You’re freaking out for absolutely no reason at all, this is just the beginning of something that could be. The chances of you meeting Jensen yesterday, I mean that is what you call fate or 1 in a million.  It’s how I met Jeff, if this works out between the both of you it will be great. Just give it a chance and take it day by day.”

I sighed, “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll see how it goes, but damn when he kisses me the way he does, I’ve never been kissed like that.” I felt my cheeks turn red.

She leaned into me our foreheads touched, “I’m happy for you, I want you to be happy for once. You have had a hard life and deserve a chance at this, whatever it is. You deserve it ok, just go with it.”

I sat straight and looked at her. “You have been there for me more than I can count that means a lot to me. I’m scared though, I mean Jensen he’s him, I’m me. I do call it fate or whatever, but how do I know. How do I really know?”

“You will know, when your heart skips beats every time he walks into the room, the way he looks at you, you look at him. Watch his body language, does he sit close to you? Apparently, he does if he’s kissed you. There are so many signs {Y/N} that you can look for, most important though, is how he is with you around your friends and such. That’s why I invited him to the ball field to see how he interacts with everyone. I know he goes all the time with Jeff, but you're there this time. See how he is with public affections, did ya’ll hold hands while you walked around the school?”

I smiled remembering the school tour and how he constantly stayed by me holding my hand. “He did, in fact we saw Lisa Braeden.”

Her eyes got wide, “Did she cause any trouble?”  

“No, she wanted to I could tell. But Jensen took over the conversation and she walked away, like she was embarrassed or something. I wanted to hide behind him, but he held me really close to him and I felt ok.”

“Good, because I would definitely be glad to put her in her place again, unfortunately, her husband is Jeff’s boss and on the basketball team. So, she’ll be there. Just stay by Jensen or me, I’m sure you’ll be ok.” She rubbed my shoulder to comfort me.

We talked a bit more about our day before we got ready for Jeff’s game. I looked over at the counter to see Jeff on the phone, who he was talking to though, I have no clue.  But the looks on his face was a mix of concern, worry, and fake smiles when he catches me looking at him. I know his job is not my business, but just the way his body language told me something serious was up, I opted to not quiz him on it.

After Jo and I had lunch at a small café close to the house, we get to the ball field on time for Jeff to warm up the team. He’s team coach so he’s responsible with warm ups and such. Jo and I go to the side we were to sit on, and put our bags on the bleachers. About to sit down, guess who decides to show up.  Yup, you guessed it. Lisa Braeden. High school queen, Ms. All Around ,Ms. most likely to succeed, you name it, she was it. She also was the my school bully, a day did not go by without her bullying me in some way.

“HI {Y/N}, wow twice in one day. I guess you really missed me, huh?” She walked over to us like she owned the park.

“If you ask me, no I didn’t. Not a day goes by that I miss you.” I crossed my arms, “In fact, the day of graduation was the second best day of my life followed by my best day when I went away to college. It was such a relief to not be looking over my shoulder everyday. Honestly, I actually feel sad for you I’ve moved on I have a good life that’s gotten even better in the past two days, but you haven’t changed a bit. I don’t even know how you live with yourself, I figured you would have grown up by now, but it’s true what they say.” I paused and looked at her as she had her hand on her hip. “People who abuse others are always going to be abusive, and you missy haven’t changed at all.”

“Seriously? You think I abused you all those years?” She let out a laugh, “That’s so funny, it wasn’t abuse {Y/N}, You were a joke, you do know you made it too easy for me? You and your low life smelly dirty hand me down clothes, I guess your mommy never took you shopping. Oh that’s right you didn’t have a mommy!” She laughed “Which would explain your prom dress, made of what a feed sack?”

I wanted to punch her right then and there, the heat in my cheeks went from 0 to 100 in seconds,my hands clenched into fists my nails dig into the palms,but I knew that I couldn’t do that. Jeff would have to arrested me for assault and it would ruin the whole week I had with Jo, knowing my luck Jensen would realize that I'm the last woman in the world he would want to be with. So, I just stepped back as Jo she was trying her best to remain calm and hold onto me.

“You don’t know a thing about my life,” I gave her a go to hell look, “You don’t know half the crap I went thru not only from you, but from everyone ie teachers, my father, the stupid social worker. You have no rights to judge my life, you weren’t there to see the abuse I got at home. Between you and my dad, I don’t know who was worse. So for all I care, you can go to fucking hell, honestly I don’t know what made you this way and I��m sure quite a few people regret having you in their lives Hmmm how is Gabe by the way? I heard a rumor the he and Becky was caught together in a janitor’s closet.

Before I could turn around, I felt a fist meeting my eye. I fell back and into the arms of Jensen who just happened to arrive just then. I started to go lung at her, but he grabbed both of my arms and held me back.

“That’s right let your bodyguard take care of you, seeing you can’t fight anyways.” She stood there with her arms crossed her chest, I guess waiting to see what happened next.

Jo had arrived back with Jeff and saw my eye, Jensen was still holding me back. “I don’t care what happened,” Jeff spoke, “But this is unacceptable for any of you to act like children. We are in a public place filled with cops and feds, knock it off or you both will be arrested.” He looked at us both. “Do I make myself clear?”

I just nodded as Lisa left with a huff, I mean what the hell is her fucking problem. Jeff looked at me, “I’m fine,” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Stay away from her, her husband is my boss. I don’t need shit from him, just because you two can’t play nice.”

“Fine, but she started it.”

He put his finger and thumb by his lips as to say zip it. “Not another word {Y/N}, I will have my eye on you both all night.”

His face showed he meant business, and I just walked off. I didn’t see Jeff talk to Jensen, but I did feel him grab my arm.

Eventually, the drama calmed down right before the game started. Thank goodness to, because I thought Jeff was going to whip out some handcuffs and arrest us or something. Jensen sat behind me and I was in front of him with my body between his legs, I laid back against him, he placed an ice pack over my eye from Lisa’s punch. Seriously, that was so not cool just reminds me of high school all over again. Can you say Déjà vu?

@writersaredreamers​ @theshygirlao3​ @nanie5​ @secretimpala67​ @secretlyfurrydragon​ @laqueus-ludovicus​

[maxwellbaemont]

RULES: ANSWER THESE 92 STATEMENTS AND TAG 20 PEOPLE.

heyy thanks for tagging me @jebsplayshss wahoo

THE LAST:

1. Drink: water lol how interesting 2. Phone call: making an appt with my personal trainer 3. Text message: pretty sure it was to my band 4. Song you listened to: nova scotia / magic man 5. Time you cried: last week bc i saw spiderman homecoming and a bitch cried as soon as his theme played

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: yeh 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: yea 9. Lost someone special: yea 10. Been depressed:  yea 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: ive actually never thrown up bc of drinking ;;))

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. yellow 13. grey 14. red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yea 16. Fallen out of love: not really 17. Laughed until you cried: no I've actually never done that lol 18. Found out someone was talking about you: no 19. Met someone who changed you: doesn't everyone u meet change u in some way but i mean yea 20. Found out who your friends are: yea definitely 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: lol no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them like i only have a couple internet friends on there 23. Do you have any pets: i have three cats i love them so much 24. Do you want to change your name: nah 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: it was college orientation and i was kinda just crying all day lmaoooo 26. What time did you wake up: 10am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: playing neverwinter lmao 28. Name something you can’t wait for: I'm starting back at college in august I'm stoked 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: like twenty minutes ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: i wish i was more easygoing?? like i get stressed really easily 31. What are you listening right now: I'm watching a vine compilation HAHa don't expose me i still miss vine 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeaa 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: right now nothing i don't think 34. Most visited Website: probably youtube or google drive lmaoo 35. Mole/s: no 36. Mark/s: like stretch marks lmao and a birthmark on my hand 37. Childhood dream: i wanted to be a cop so bad lmao 38. Hair color: red 39. Long or short hair: its kinda in the middle rn i just got it cut I'm growing it out now 40. Do you have a crush on someone: nahh not really 41. What do you like about yourself: uhh idk i kinda don't have that much confidence but i know I'm pretty good musically lol 42. Piercings: just two in my ears but i really want an eyebrow piercing lol 43. Blood type: uhhhhh  44. Nickname: boz is actually a nickname 45. Relationship status: singleeee 46. Zodiac: virgo 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show/s: BROOKLYN NINE-NINE, new girl, criminal minds, bizaardvark LMAO my guilty pleasure is disney 49. Tattoos: none but i low-key want one 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: ya I've had it on my eye when i was a duMB kid 52. Hair dyed in different color: it’s dyed right now I've dyed it so often like since i was 13. 53. Sport: i love sports i play tennis & softball and I'm trying to get back into dance 55. Vacation: i looooove vacation my family takes a lot of vacations and its always so fun 56. Pair of trainers: i have too many pairs of shoes lol my faves are my adidas & nike trainers they're so comfy

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: last thing i ate was egg on toast 58. Drinking: rn lots of water 59. I’m about to: play some NEVERWINTER 61. Waiting for: nothing really 62. Want: school to start soon lol 63. Get married: i dunno if i wanna get married I guess if i meet the right person 64. Career: I DONT KNOW LMAOOO I'm doing everything general studies rn bc i have no IDEA what i wanna major in 65. Hugs or kisses: neither?? i don't like physical affection lol if i had to choose hugs 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: I'm really short so everyone feels tall 68. Older or younger: idc 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i don't really care lol i guess arms 71. Sensitive or loud: not loud.. i get so annoyed when people are too loud. maybe a good mix of both?? 72. Hook up or relationship: i don't really care lol 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: why not a good mix of both like?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: nah 75. Drank hard liquor: yea 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I've lost my glasses so many fuckin times  77. Turned someone down: yea but its gone well 78. Sex in the first date: noooo 79. Broken someone’s heart: i never thought i did but my ex told me i did so uh yikes 80. Had your heart broken: not romantically but like.. by friends yeah 81. Been arrested: nada 82. Cried when someone died: yea 83. Fallen for a friend: no

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: somewhat 85. Miracles: yea 86. Love at first sight: no 87. Santa Claus: no 88. Kiss on the first date: why not 89. Angels: idk.. yeah

OTHER:

90. Current best friend’s name: i don't really have someone i consider a “”best” friend?? i have a lot of good friends. 91. Eyecolor: green 92. Favorite movie: now you see me HANDS DOWN i love that fuckin movie so much

TAGGING: @ohmymaxwell @justhedeepsea @everythingchoices @lookatmychoices @elenasanchez @tkxo-ashton @diamondsaregold @diamondlessoption @heart-drake and @rr-roe-es bUT you don't have to lol 

[imsarabum]

Responses to {Part 29} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^

(I have also included asks that I received before this IWSY chapter was posted ^^)

@jungshaking said: I was so hyped during work yesterday. I thought "oh yes a new chapter tonight" MULTIPLE times, but I had to remind myself each time that it was Monday 😩😭 (cont.) tbh I'm so scared that the upcoming IWSY chapter will be the last now that Yoongi is gone

Haha you poor thing! It’s coming soon so no need to wait any longer! And don’t worry, it’s not the last chapter ^^ :3

Anonymous said: WAIT HOLY SHIT IT'S TUESDAY ALREADY??????OMGGGKJSJGJGSK

IKR THIS WEEK PASSED TOO QUICKLY

Anonymous said: IT'S TUESDAY I'M EXCITED

I’m excited and nervous :(

@killingalltheflowers said: I kinda... just tried Merlot wine because of IWSY xD

Ooooh what did you think of it?

Anonymous said: I really think "I was here" by beyonce suits IWSY's last chapter

Yesssssssssss! You’re right!

Anonymous said: Not sure why but I imagined the Sine Nomine to look like a titan with grey hair (from aot)

You can imagine them to look like however you please!! I encourage that wholeheartedly heh ^^

Anonymous said: I am reaaaaady come and snatch my wig oh Saraaaa Take my heaaaaart take it all  *kiss yr cute ass cheeks* --wifey anon 🐇

I hope it won’t disappoint you ^^ and yes pls give me all the kissies and cuddles~~

Anonymous said: Heheheheh it is tuesday ...... 😏😏😏

Indeed it is *wiggles brows*

@jynxy24 said: IWSY IS COMING AND IF YOU'LL PLEASE SPARE MY HEARTEU. I HAVE EXAMS AND I WANT TO PASS BEFORE I DIE. I love you, Sara!! (I'm hoping for a great chapter kukuku :3)

I hope it will spare your heart! And don’t worry my love I’m sure you will do amazingly in your exams ^^ I really hope you will think the chapter is great, I tried very hard :)

@clara-licht said: So in the end, I didn't get the univ invitation and I also didn't get the Wings Tour ticket even after waiting in the venue for hours, so I felt really shitty even until now. (I still can't listen to 2!3! or I'll break down in tears) But still, I look forward to Wednesdays because IWSY can always get my mind off these problems even if only for a while. How many more chapters do you reckon it will be? I, for one, don't want it to end but all good things will come to an end after all :')

Awh babe I’m so so sorry to hear that :/ that really sucks but don’t worry, BTS will definitely be coming back to where you live in the future and you can have another chance to see them okay? Same with the University, are you able to apply for another one? Did you get any more offers? I’m glad that IWSY can make you a little happy ^^ And I’ not 100% sure, but I suspect that next week might be the last chapter, I haven’t fully decided yet! But the final chapter will have ‘Final Chapter’ written in the title :D

@nora2bts said: Hiii! I'm sorry I don't want to be annoying or anything but I binge read "IWSU" and I reallyyyyyyy loved it a lot! I was just wondering if u were gonna post part 29 today, since I can't wait, I've been waiting for what seems an eternity! 😂😂😂 I just wanted to let u know that I really enjoyed your stories, thank you 😊 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You’re not annoying love! I do write at the top of every chapter that IWSY is posted every Tuesday evening between 9-10pm UK time and I have always stayed true to that so fear not! Thank you so much for enjoying the story my love, you’re so welcome ^^

@clara-licht said: I was listening to Spring Day when I read chapter 29 and for the first time since WT in Jakarta I can listen to the song and sing it happily instead of feeling hurt and upset, because I was so excited throughout the chapter! So thank you for that :) I can't stop smiling, gosh! I really, REALLY want to know how Jiminnie is faring. And I think I fell for Namjoon. That sweet, sweet boy 😍 Oh btw, how old are they all by now? Including Namjoon, Yoongi (had he been alive), Jin, and Hobi?

AwwwwHHHH YES! I’m glad it holds no bad memories for you now my love ^^ Thank you for reading the chapter dear :D And as for their ages, I did specify Yoongi’s was older than Taehyung in a precious chapter (I just can’t remember which chapter, sorry!) and Namjoon is University/college age so somewhere between 18-25 (I decided not to give a specific age). Unfortunately, I never specified Hoseok and Seokjin’s ages in the story but they would have been University age too :D

Anonymous said: “Not only his sun his moon and all his stars" I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

WHAT DID I DO

@semisweetsuga said: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLO MY SWEET BABYBOY PUMPKIN SPICE CHAI LATTE WHOM I LOVE VERY MUCH

@mocking-butts said: OH MY GOD IM A SOBBING MESS BECAUSE THIS STORY IS THE BEST THING EVER I CANT WITH LIFE.PLEASE BE NEXT WEEK ALREADY

I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT THANK YOU BABY c:

@shineeshawol204 said: AHHHHHHHHHHHH (cont.) I retract my former statement of you being a BiTcH because mmm i is happy now :) much content, very pleased

YAY I’M NO LONGER THE BITCH, I CAN DIE IN PEACE c: hehe ^^ thank you doll!

@killingalltheflowers said: This. This was the cutest and most heartwarming chapter ending ever. I'm so happy I'm able to go to bed calmly and happily and fluffily for once after reading IWSY xD

It was so heartwarming I felt all floofy when I was writing a lot of it :3 I hope you have a great sleep and have nice fluffy dreams of Kookie! :3

Anonymous said: OK HOLD ON SO CHAPTER 29 WAS AMAZING and then I was just reading your responses to the questions abt chap 28 and then I saw "Don’t threaten me with a good time" and then I was all like waIT A SEC DO U LISTEN TO PANIC! LIKE ALTHOUGH IM NOT A HUGE FAN THE SONGS ARE AMAZING ٩( ᐛ )و

LISTEN I WAS AND STILL AM TRASH FOR PANIC! - AS WELL AS FALL OUT BOY AND MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE I was the definition of a myspace scene queen in my early teens but I listened to an eclectic mix of music - not just those types of bands hehe :3

@animeimmortal said: YAH. DONT LEAVE ME ON THAT 'WILL YOU MARRY ME' SHIT. GAH!. im sorry i love you ❤ buT LIKE BRUHHH i want MOrE ❤❤❤

Listen - I will always leave you hanging c: hehe I love you too! Thank you for reading the chapter as always beautiful ^^

Anonymous said: Babe, the 29th part of IWSY was absolutely amazing ;-; but i feel that the end is nearing.. I loved IWSY so much it brought me to tears and it hurts to think that so beautiful a thing would actually be coming to an end.. Your writing skills are on fleek and the story is well woven.. Thank you so much for such an incredible experience ~ ❤😭😘

The end is definitely nearing, sadly enough :c IWSY has become a real world to me for the past almost 30 weeks of my life! lol :3 I suspect that next week will be the final chapter, but I don’t know for 100% so don’t quote me on that ;D Your words about me are beautiful and I don’t deserve them, but thank you so much my love ^^

Anonymous said: Happy happy joy joy happy happy joy joy!! I'm really excited about how IWSY will end! I hope it ends happily!

Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows for everyone yay!!

@deangetoutofmyspleen said: tUESDAY BRO IT IS TUESDAY AND IM SCREAMING AND CRYING A LIL THIS CHAPTER WAS PURE FLUFF I LOVE LIFE I LOVE LIVING I LOVE EVERYTHING MY HEART IS SO HAPPY

IT WAS PURE FLUFF IT MADE ME SO HAPPY NOT TO HAVE TO ALMOST KILL SOMEONE OFF OR WRITE ABOUT DEATH FOR THE LAST PART OF THE CHAPTER LOL~ thank you so much cutiepie :D

Anonymous said: aaWWWWWWEEHHHH i knew this was coming >////< !! i was so glad for Y/N and Kookie until "wait.. whY IS SHE HAVING A CHILD WHEN THEY AREN'T MARRIED" xD. Keep up the good work Sara!! -holoAnon

Hahaha don’t worry it was just a little accident! Even if Jungkook were to never marry Y/N, I’m sure their relationship would still be a solid, loving and caring one ^^ for all three of them! :D thank you so much holoAnon! :D

Anonymous said: I'm so happy that Joonie is finally at peace with the notion of being a vampire, and the way Y/N told Tae about how Yoongi was happy in his own little world with Tae and their parents was so incredibly heartwarming and what made it even better was what that meant to Tae, and I just ugh. This chapter made me soft. Like Yoongi's gummy smile soft. Thank you for always writing such amazing stories.

Yes - I was excited to reveal why Namjoon was the way he was, so that everyone could understand him better. I felt that this chapter was the best time to do that as the other chapters before the ball kind of painted him in a negative light. But he always had a heart full of gold c: YOONGI’S GUMMY SMILE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING EVER HE SHOULD ALWAYS SMILE LIKE THAT :D hehe~ aww thank you so much and you’re welcome for the story dear ^^

@kookietaejimin said: hi!!! do you know how long iwsy is going to be?

Next week MIGHT be the last chapter but I don’t know yet - sorry! ^^

@the-golden-jhope said: OH MY GOD MY HEART HURTS THIS IS SO CUTE I ALMOST CRIED JUNGKOOK IS LITERALLY THE SWEETEST MAN ON EARTH

HE IS SO SWEET WE ALL DESERVE VAMPIRE PRINCES CALLED JUNGKOOK I

@mysr3 said: "Will you Marry me?"u warm n tortured my heart at the same time for this cliff hanging 😍does this mean IWSY almost over?😖Saraaa how can u managed to b more awesome n amazing than u already r hmm?😘this Ch is so touching! Luv how u mentioned Yoongi~just so sweet n meaningful gosh😍hv to find Prince Jungkook for me asap. The whole thing is well laid out, characters interaction, decisions n everything is on point since the beginning of this series. U genius Girl!Thank you so much! I love U❤️❤️❤️ (cont.) Sry ps Namjoon is such moral character n Y/N's new demeanor is goddess. Am I smelling smut coming next wk hehehe🤔😝

Warming and torturing is something I love doing :D hehe~ IWSY is almost over, yes :( But fear not! I plan on doing a spin off for Tae and Jimin in the future (maybe like 2-3 chapters) on how their relationship formed way before Y/N met Jungkook :D For those of you who love Vampire VMIN! ^^ Thank you for loving the layout and the plot - you warmed my heart in return :D I love you too and thank you so much my dear!! ;3

@adhewitt said: YAY MARRIAGE

YAY WEDDING BELLS

Anonymous said: Gaaaahhh!!! I was waiting for this 😭 I'm crying, will this be a happy ending already? -anonph13

Thank you for waiting for it my love! :3 and a happy ending certainly looks likely, doesn’t it? ^^ hehe :3 Thank you for reading!

@noceurash said: I LOVE YOU!! [sweet chapters like this make my heart so happy hghg] i hope you have a fantastic day tomorrow and i love you!!! ~~~ your writing continues to be so great and i love it. <3

I LOVE YOU TOO!! Awww I’m so happy that it make your heart happy! You’re so cute you literally said i love you twice i swear to god I live for pure lil beans like you :3 I hope you’ll have a fantastic day too!! :3

@jynxy24 said: The ending made me cry god!!!!

Awwwww I hope they were tears of happiness!!

Anonymous said: Wow. This last IWSY update was so pure and beautiful. I love it.

Thank you so much my love :3 I’m really happy that you liked it!~

@koreaisanaddiction said: great chapter. one of my theories were correct. the one about namjoon. but the one about the baby was wrong. i realized i thought about it in the eyes of human logic not vampiric. oh well better luck next time for me i guess.

Thank you for thinking it was great! And yay! one out of two isn’t bad at all heh ^^ Don’t worry dear, I’m still really happy you enjoyed it :)

Anonymous said: Is it bad that I'm actually really completely genuinely satisfied with the ending of chapter 29 of ISWY? and that it would be completely fine if you just stopped the series right there? I dunno, but the way you wrote this chapter, it doesn't make me feel the need to question anything. Sara, you ended it perfectly and now, you're turning me from a loyal maknae-line stan to a namjoon stan. That.... not many people can do. *applauds* Anyways, I love you, take care, and keep writing! <3 - army anon

Awwwww that’s so freaking sweet I CAN’T guh ~~~ I’m legit crying at your message right now, seriously :( haha OKAY I’m good~ lol Well it looks like right now there will be one more chapter to go, but I’m not completely sure or decided yet. There’s still one or two things I’d like to include to wrap things up once and for all :3 AND OMG NAMJOON SNATCHED YOU?! Uh oh..makenae line is gonna have to step up their game if they want you back :3 I love you too and thank you so much for being so kind to me always, you have no idea how happy and cheerful it makes me :)

@min-ty said: SARA OMG THE CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD I say this every week but I find it absolutely necessary that I do BUT SHOOK THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS STORY INTO MY LIFE

Hahahah it’s okay I will still appreciate it 100% no matter how many times you might say it! Seriously :) THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY because it makes me so incredibly happy :) Thank you thank you thank you ^^

@ananyak26 said: OMG OMGOMG! Part 29 !!!! Yea the last line was soooo adorable!I'm fangirling right nowxD.(Obviously the chapter was good too but the last line oh god!) Great jooobbb!!

Ahhhh yes the last line! Wedding bells!! :3 hehe thank you my lovely, I’m so glad you enjoyed the chapter :3

Anonymous said: u don't know how excited i am when it comes to tuesday!!! i'm so in love w ur iwsy series that i almost literally ran home today to read chapter 29!!!! i really love your readings and please don'r ever stop writing 😢😢💜

I’m so happy that you get excited when Tuesdays come! You’re so cute hehe :D Thank you so much and don’t worry, I won’t ever stop writing! ^^

Anonymous said: IWSY lmao idek what to say anymore it's been like 6 months HAHA I've been reading since the first chapter rolled out its like watching my kid grow up HAHA thank you for writing such a good series have a good week ! -eggyook (cont.) --eggyook  Forgot to say, good luck for your exams !! You can do it :)))

Ahhh thank you for sticking with the story for such a long time! And yeah I feel you, I feel like IWSY has been a huge part of my life and the world has come alive for me this entire time xD Like I’ve kind of been living there in my mind hehe^^ Thank you so much my love and I’ll try my best of my exams! I hope you have a good week too :D

@lostheretics said: petition to make a better life for namjun pls sign it for him he's just a sMol bEan istg T_T it's aLMOST ENDING!!!!   or is it not............*dead af*

Awwwwh don’t worry he’ll have a good like with Y/N and the Jeon’s! And yes, it’s absolutely almost ending :(

Anonymous said: Another great chapter of IWSY but why do I feel like it is coming to an end 😢😢😢

Thank you my love! And yes you’re right - it’s coming to an end :( 30 weeks is a looooong time!

Anonymous said: ahhh bittersweet feeling about I won't stop you like everything is fine now yay and can't wait for the baby but it's gonna end soon I'm so sad

Yes I feel the same way to be honest! IWSY feels like my baby and it’s all grown up now haha c:

Anonymous said: is it just me or is part 29 shorter ??? oh my gosh I can't get enough of it T.T I honestly think after the end of the series you should gather all the chapters and make it into a story book. it's way too good!! -bunnykookie96

Hiya love! Hmmm well it’s the same length as any other chapter really :3 Possibly because it’s just drawing to an end that one might feel like it’s shorter :(  I actually would really love to do that but I have no idea how lol :c Anyway, thank you so much for reading the new chapter my deary!! :3

Anonymous said: I have trust issues because of u its just too fluffy 🤔 Also do you have back dimples ?  And last but not least I can smell a smut coming soon :))) --wifey anon 🐇

I guess I’ll just have to prove you wrong! :3 And yes - I do have back dimples - fun fact, they are referred to as “Dimples of Venus” heh c: I put it in because, well, I just wanted to ;D thank you so much my love and I hope you have a good day/night! :3

Anonymous said: SARA IS IT JUST ME OR YOURE QUOTING PRINCESS DIARIESNSJSJSKSJSNS

I have no idea what a princess diaries is o.o Sorry! :(

[narcisbolgor-blog]

Love in the time of AI: meet the people falling for scripted robots

A crop of dating simulations where the goal is to reach a virtual happily ever after have recently become hits. Are they a substitute for human companionship or a new type of digital intimacy?

I recently met a young woman named Wild Rose on an online chat forum. We struck up a conversation and within the first five minutes, Wild Rose who is married, has a daughter, and lives in Texas with her in-laws started telling me about her lover, a man called Saeran.

Saeran, she told me, is the illegitimate son of a politician who had grown up with an abusive mother. He is handsome, has white blond hair, golden eyes, a large tattoo on his shoulder. Wild Rose said that when she first met him, her heart literally ached and her cheeks flooded with blood.

She then paused and added: But I dont think Saeran loves me the way I love him. I love him genuinely. Ill never know his true feelings.

The reason: Saeran isnt human. He is a character in a mobile phone game called Mystic Messenger, which was released two years ago by Cheritz, a South Korean game developer. It has since been downloaded by millions of people worldwide. The game is a mix between a romance novel and Spike Jonzes 2013 movie Her, in which a man develops a relationship with a Siri-like character.

The primary aim of Mystic Messenger is to pursue a romantic relationship with one of a number of characters in the game, one of whom is Saeran. To cultivate intimacy with these virtual beings, you talk to them via a text message. The responses are pre-scripted, but feel dynamic and sincere. Winning the game is not about scoring points or beating a final boss; it is about reaching a good ending where you and your virtual lover live happily ever after.

A picture of Jumin Han, one of the characters in Mystic Messenger, and his cat, Elizabeth III. Photograph: Oscar Schwartz

The idea of simulating romantic relationships through gaming is not unique to Mystic Messenger. This genre of game often referred to as dating simulations or dating sims for short emerged in the 1980s in Japan, where they were popular with a predominantly male audience. But since the rise of mobile and online gaming, dating sims have become popular outside Japan and with more diverse demographics.

In the past year, there has been a bumper crop of hit dating sims, including Love and Producer, Dream Daddy and Doki Doki Literature Club. Unlike earlier generations of dating sims, where the action centered on erotic interactions with virtual girls, these games foreground conversations between players and characters, and often have nuanced and well-developed scripts. Mystic Messenger is one of the most popular of this new generation dating sim.

Since dating sims first came out, they have been controversial. In Japan, many critics saw the rise of dating sims as a signifier of alienation, a retreat from human relationships in a machine-mediated society. And as the popularity of dating sims develops once again, similar concerns are resurfacing. But the growing community of people who play dating sims are mostly impervious to this disapproval. The most dedicated romantic gamers do not see their interactions with virtual characters as a substitute for human companionship, but as a new type of digital intimacy.

As well as spending hours playing dating sims, fans chat with each other on online forums about their favorite characters and the contours of their virtual relationships. It was on one of these forums that I met Wild Rose. I had joined hoping to get a better understanding of why people play these games and whether the relationships they form with virtual characters possibly foreshadow a future in which the boundaries between real and virtual companionship will become increasingly blurry, if not irrelevant.

When I first asked Wild Rose to explain how and why she fell in love with Saeran, she told me that if I had any hope of understanding, I had to first enter the world of Mystic Messenger and experience it for myself.

.

I started playing Mystic Messenger one weekend when I didnt have much else on. In the games plot, I was a young woman who stumbled upon a private messaging app. There I met a group of hyper-realistic anime characters with exaggerated eyes, slim, aquiline noses and jaws who were to be my new friends. The narrative of the game was that together we had to organize an upcoming charity event due to take place in 11 days.

The gameplay of Mystic Messenger was unlike anything I had experienced. It did not involve collecting coins or moving through levels but chatting with these other characters through multiple-choice responses. While these characters were basically just interactive cartoon characters that would automatically respond to prompts from the player with pre-scripted answers, they still felt lifelike, and talking to them required tact and social nous. One character called Jumin liked it when I asked him about his pet cat. Another called Zen was a narcissist who only ever wanted compliments. Of all the characters in the game, I was most drawn to Jaehee, the only other woman in the group. She was the most intelligent and self-deprecating. I found her slightly sardonic attitude towards the other characters in the game funny. It may not be fun chatting with me since Im a woman, she said ironically. But I hope you do not avoid me too much.

Part of what made Mystic Messenger compelling was the fact that it ran in real time. This meant that once you started, if you stepped away from the game you would miss out on vital conversations and lose track of where you stood with your virtual friends. This social dynamic reminded me of being a teenager, when Id come home from school and log on to MSN Messenger and sit there for hours and hours.

Cat-obsessed Jumin Han feeding his beloved Elizabeth III. Photograph: Oscar Schwartz

For the first few days, I played Mystic Messenger conscientiously and tried to make sure that I responded to every one of Jaehees messages. I was on the app two to three hours per day, which felt like a lot. But compared with those I spoke to on forums, my commitment to the game and Jaehee was paltry.

Amy, a single mum from South Africa who was part of the Mystic Messenger Addicts forum, told me that she played every day for at least six hours. Once she had successfully wooed one character, she would refresh the app and start again, focusing her attention on someone new. That way I can fall in love with every character, get to know them all so intimately. I asked her which of the characters she liked best so far. That would have to be Zen, she said. Hes nice. Kind of like an ideal boyfriend, maybe. He knows whats important to him. Hes into his career. He doesnt make me feel inferior.

Natsuki, also a self-proclaimed addict, told me that she played for at least four hours a day and liked Jumin best. Wild Rose said that when the game first came out she would play for up to five hours a day but had since cut down. If I could play more I would, she said. But I have a daughter to look after and Im studying. This has meant many sleepless nights catching up.

When dating sims first became popular in Japan, they were often reported on by the media with a tone of moralizing disgust, partly because of the obsessive way fans played. These games were seen as an escape, a last resort for nerdy men who needed virtual girls to substitute for real, healthy heterosexual relationships. Along with anime and manga, dating sims were blamed for the low fertility rates in Japan, and the young men who played these games were sometimes described as herbivores, as if lacking in carnal desire. This attitude was shared by western media, too, where Japanese dating sims were seen as a curious, almost alien pathology. Following the widely reported story of Nene Anegasaki the man who married his favorite character from the dating sim Love Plus an article in the New York Times Magazine described these games as a last resort for men who needed virtual women as a substitute for real, monogamous romance.

With the popularity of dating sims now growing outside Japan, similar concerns have once again emerged. In China, where a dating sim called Love and Producer was downloaded more than 7m times in its first month, media reports about the game have been mostly negative, if not alarmist. One Chinese commentator argued that the only reason young people were drawn to dating sims was because their real lives are brutally lacking in real love. The simplicity, consumerism, and hypocrisy of romantic simulation games, he wrote, reflect the love-free disease that belongs to this era.

When I raised these criticisms with Wild Rose, she dismissed them as narrow and close-minded. She told me that playing Mystic Messenger had actually made her emotional life more stable and fulfilling. Mystic Messenger was a place where she could explore some of her unmet emotional needs, where it was safe to fantasize and imagine other ways of loving.

When I met Saeran my world changed, she said. I felt that he was talking to me and me alone. I felt interesting and needed.

.

In Japan, where this debate about intimacy with the virtual has been unfolding since the 1980s, there is a word that gives shape to the idea of loving a virtual non-human. That word is moe, which derives from the Japanese verb moeru, meaning to burst into bud. This word was originally used in ancient Japanese love poetry to describe nature blossoming into life. But within the dating sim and anime subcultures, it has come to describe the unique feeling of intimacy that one can feel for a virtual or fictional being.

Japanese writer and dating sim enthusiast Honda Toru argues that moe is part of a broader love revolution. Someday soon the hierarchy of real and artificial will break down, he said in an interview in 2014. This future will be about knowing that we are in love with fiction and accepting it Someday we will be able to accept that the world of dreams is a good world, with a warmth and solace that cannot be found in human society.

Patrick Galbraith, an anthropologist who has studied moe and otaku culture in Japan for many years, says that the decades-long existence of dating simulations in Japan has fostered a more accepting attitude to intimacy with virtual characters. A lot of gamers in Japan could be very angry, but theyre not, he said. This is because society tells them, mostly, that their new way of loving is OK. These are people are not seen as unwell, but just trying to live otherwise. Galbraith also points out that these simulated dating environments provide a safe space to flirt without the risk of misreading social cues or being rejected. If we would just stop pressuring people to act only within a limited set of social norms, he said, maybe we would have fewer toxic individuals.

But not all gamers who play dating sims feel that they are part of a love revolution or ushering a new era of digital intimacy. Cecilia dAnastasio, a game journalist who has written about Mystic Messenger, told me that most people who play the game do so because it is fun, it is compelling, there is a narrative, it lets you master a new skill. In fact, there are lots of dating sims players who find the idea that they are somehow falling in love with the characters in the game slightly perverse.

Private chat with Jaehee Kang, the authors favorite character in Mystic Messenger. Photograph: Oscar Schwartz

In February, Pape Games, the developer that made Love and Producer, released an ad that portrayed a young woman telling her mother that she had finally found a husband, but that the husband was a character in the game. On Weibo, many fans of Love and Producer responded angrily. So, this is what the company thinks about its loyal gamers? said one. As a married women who has a stable income and relationship, I only play this game because I like the voices of the character, another said. I can clearly distinguish the virtual world from reality.

But the capacity to distinguish between the real and the virtual may become harder over the next decade as game developers use AI and sophisticated natural-language processing to make characters more interactive and realistic. Aaron Reed, who works at SpiritAI a tech company that is doing just that told me that while we are still decades away from designing anything as persuasive as Samantha in Her, more human-like characters are going to become pervasive in the coming years.

Obviously as the technology gets better and the interactivity increases were going to be able to form closer connections to characters in games, Reed said. They will operate with greater flexibility and ultimately seem more lifelike and easier to connect to.

But for Wild Rose and many of the other dating sims enthusiasts I spoke to, making the characters more human wasnt particularly exciting or even desired. Saeran didnt need to be real for her to care about him. And she was well aware that there were probably tens of thousands of other gamers out there who he said the same loving things to. But it didnt matter. For Wild Rose, intimacy with the virtual was something that could only be played out fully between the screen and her imagination. When she played Mystic Messenger, she allowed herself to momentarily suspend disbelief and enter this virtual relationship.

She told me that in this way, her love for Saeran was very similar to how she had loved anime characters as a young girl. When my parents were at work I would watch anime cartoons. I became very attached to some of the characters and I would draw fantasy worlds where we lived together. When she showed these drawings to her cousins, they made fun of her. They teased me all the time for loving these characters, and now its the same as people who criticize my love for Saeran, she said. I dont think Saeran is human. But I think my love for him can be real even if he isnt.

As compelling as the simulated world of Mystic Messenger was, after a week, I couldnt keep up with the endless messages and emails from Jaehee and my other friends. My life in the real world kept interfering with the development of my burgeoning virtual intimacy. That is, it was difficult to justify not making dinner because I had a chat scheduled with a character in a game. This form of digital intimacy didnt captivate me in the way it did for Wild Rose. I found my conversations with her, also conducted via text, far more compelling than my conversations with Jaehee.

But playing Mystic Messenger did make me rethink my relationship with other virtual characters that I communicate with through my phone, like Siri or Slackbot. What I learnt from Wild Rose, who stood at the vanguard of relations with these virtual others, is that when we interact with these characters we are engaged in a collective suspension of disbelief, allowing ourselves to imagine that they understand us, that they are kind of alive. Yet unlike Wild Rose, most of us do not acknowledge the role imagination plays in these relationships with the non-human. We pretend that these anthropomorphic algorithms are coming alive because of technological innovation alone, rather than cultural process and collective myth-making. It is at this point that we risk losing control of the fantasy.

Its like how people love God, Wild Rose said the last time we spoke. They dont see him. They never meet him. Yet they lay their faith and love in his hands. Why dont people understand thats the way I love Saeran?

Original Article : HERE ; This post was curated & posted using : RealSpecific

=> *********************************************** Originally Published Here: Love in the time of AI: meet the people falling for scripted robots ************************************ =>

Love in the time of AI: meet the people falling for scripted robots was originally posted by Viral News - Feed

[crotchexplorer666]

ALL

Ri beat yew to it, Gnart. x’”D

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My brother. He messed something up on one of my game accounts and kept crying even though I kept telling him I wasn’t angry.

2. Are you outgoing or shy?Both? This is a hard question..

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Uh, all of my friends?? No matter how long it takes...

4. Are you easy to get along with?If I like you. I’m really good at avoiding people.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?Probably. They better tell me that I did some wacky things while I was drunk, or I will be very ashamed of myself.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?No single personality type. People who don’t think they’re smarter than me are nice. ;D

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?No.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Chuck Norris. When there’s a meteor shower, Chuck Norris grabs a bar of soap.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?A little, but it depends on who’s bringing up the conversation. 

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Does insulting myself with deep remarks count..? Otherwise, @rubbishbin--trash. c”x

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“My Gatorade bottle is empty... RIP x666”@the-devils-assisstant

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?- “Take Me Home Tonight” by Eddie Money- “Magic Man” by Heart- “Hells Bells” by AC/DC- “Renegade” by Styx- “Come on Eileen” by (I think) Dexy’s Midnight Runners- +1000 more13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?No, but people really like to??

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Oh, yes. What else would I do?

15. What good thing happened this summer?Summer camp, and I drew a little-

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?My dad? I don’t care..?

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Eh, I don’t mind hearing other people’s opinions.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?Carlos? Nah.

19. Do you like bubble baths?I’ve only had one bubble bath in my life. With Claire. x”D 

20. Do you like your neighbors?They are so nice, and then I feel bad for not visiting them more often. One time, I had to borrow someone’s phone, so I went over to Anne’s house (she’s probably in her 40s because the neighbors around here aren’t usually young). Before she let me borrow her phone, she let me inside to eat cookies with her and started asking how I was doing and being so nice.

21. What are your bad habits?Biting my lip, hating on myself whenever no one else is around to distract me, forgetting to eat..? x”D

22. Where would you like to travel?To any of my internet friends. .v.

23. Do you have trust issues?No, but that isn’t all that great.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?There is no “daily” routine ^^’, but I like going to jazz band practice on Wednesday nights.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? M y n o s e.

26. What do you do when you wake up?Check my phone-

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Lighter. I was always jealous of people with very pale skin because then their hair could be dyed any color without having to worry about it clashing with their skin color. ;o; 

28. Who are you most comfortable around?Myself.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?I have no ex’s-

30. Do you ever want to get married?Yes. ;v;

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?Yeah. xx I’m too wimpy to cut it short.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?No, thanks-

33. Spell your name with your chin.jdennkcvdfdOMG THAT ALMOST WORKED

34. Do you play sports? What sports?Cross country in ze fall, softball, and I wanted to do track but softball was in the same season. xx

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?No TV, pls. I’ll make my own cartoons if I have to..

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Duh.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?Do you like cats?

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Uh-- I’m very flexible-- Though I would love it if someone (even just a friend) wrote me a poem. ;w; I write poems for my teachers and friends.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?I go all around the place??

40. What do you want to do after high school?yo mama Go to UCLA

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Mhmm, even murderers. (A reasonable second chance with the adequate amount of security cameras making sure they don’t repeat their wrongdoings.)

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?There’s chaos inside my mind.

43. Do you smile at strangers?Yeah, doesn’t everyone?? .o. Just me?? Okay..

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Neither.. c”x I like staying on dry land..

45. What makes is the reason you get out of bed in the morning?@natisuttertrash

46. What are you paranoid about?Everything-

47. Have you ever been high?Nah.

48. Have you ever been drunk?Nuh-uh, but I intend to one day. (weird goals)

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?I don’t think so.

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Gray. (PE clothes..)

51. Ever wished you were someone else?Hell, yes. 

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?M y n o s e

53. Favourite makeup brand?None?

54. Favourite store?Nope..

55. Favourite blog?I can’t choose a favorite, guys. ;o;

56. Favourite colour?Red. Any variation of red. Pink, maroon, etc. Black and white look great with red, too. ;v; Red, black, and white. y e s

57. Favourite food?All things with rice.

58. Last thing you ate?Pretzels..

59. First thing you ate this morning?P-pretzels..

60. Ever won a competition? For what?A chugging competition with soda. x”D

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Noooooo

62. Been arrested? For what?Nooooooooooooooooo

63. Ever been in love?...Yes

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?Uh, I doubt kissing someone on the cheek in a game of “family” when I was 7 counts.

65. Are you hungry right now?Nah, I had an ass-load of pretzels. Many donkey bags full. 

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?They are all equal. ^^

67. Facebook or Twitter?I don’t use either. xx (I have accounts, I just don’t use ‘em.)

68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?Nah.

70. Names of your best friends?Is it bad that I have ten-- I do have to admit, I have my favorites. (But I won’t say..)

71. Craving something? What?Pretzels.

72. What colour are your towels?All the colors. Literally. There’s even burgundy, mint, etc. in the mix. It’s kinda ugly.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?Sometimes one, sometimes six.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?I sleep with my kitty. ;v;

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?More stuffed animals than pretzels.

75. Favourite animal?Cats--

76. What colour is your underwear?Of course I just happened to be wearing my ONLY pair of hot pink panties right now.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Vanilla.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Mint chip, FTW.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?What if I’m not wearing a shirt..? (It’s blue)

80. What colour pants?Black with ninja turtles.

81. Favourite tv show?S p o n g e b o b will always be my #1.

82. Favourite movie?Either Blended, Mean Girls, or this other one I can’t remember atm.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?The original is always boss. Both slay me, tho.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean Girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?KAREN SMITH ;O;

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Nemo’s mom.

87. First person you talked to today?My dad.

88. Last person you talked to today?@the-devils-assisstant

89. Name a person you hate?I’d rather not say. c”x

90. Name a person you love?@natisuttertrash

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Me.

92. In a fight with someone?No? I don’t think so?

93. How many sweatpants do you have?I don’t know. x”D

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?At least four.

95. Last movie you watched?The Cobbler.

96. Favourite actress?Marilyn Monroe.

97. Favourite actor?ADAM SANDLER-- YOU DONT NEED TO ASK ME TWICE

98. Do you tan a lot?Not intentionally ;^;

99. Have any pets?My precious kitty, Benjamin. .D.

100. How are you feeling?Do I have to answer every question on this??

101. Do you type fast?If you asked one of my friends, they’d say something along the lines of: “Hell, yes.”

102. Do you regret anything from your past?Ye; I lie about that a lot, though.

103. Can you spell well?Y E S

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Oh, yeah. Sydney was the best. ;n;

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yes, actually. 

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Probably. xx

107. Have you ever been on a horse?Oh, yeah. My first time on a horse was TACKLESS on an ARABIAN on a RAINY DAY. (Luckily Liesie’s the horse wrangler.)

108. What should you be doing?I don’t know.

109. Is something irritating you right now?Yes. You never asked what.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Yeah. >~

111. Do you have trust issues?Refer to #23, I think.

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I don’t remember.

113. What was your childhood nickname?J-J

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Well, I was born in Tokyo, moved to the US, and moved three times within the state while visiting my grandparents in China every summer (until they passed away).

115. Do you play the Wii?I don’t have one of those thingies. x”D

116. Are you listening to music right now?Yes... PSYCHIC, I TELL YOU.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yes but I ran out of it ;o;

118. Do you like Chinese food?I am Chinese.

119. Favourite book?Any Percy Jackson book. ;D Is it bad that I still ship Reyco after Riordan crushed some of our hearts in a subtle way by having Reyna brother-zone Nico and then having Nico and Will get together?? 

120. Are you afraid of the dark?Not when I’m with someone else.

121. Are you mean?I don’t know. Am I?

122. Is cheating ever okay?Depends.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Nah. x”D

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Y e s

125. Do you believe in true love?What’s your definition of true love?

126. Are you currently bored?No, because I have this 150-question thingy to take care of--

127. What makes you happy?Music.

128. Would you change your name?YES. I would literally change my name from Jenn to June. 

129. What your zodiac sign?Gemini.

130. Do you like subway?Subway or subways? Subway is okay. I don’t think I’ve ever been on a subway.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Lock myself in a room and think everything through.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Wasn’t this already asked??

133. Favourite lyrics right now?The lyrics of “Come Together” by Beatles. (I prefer the Aerosmith cover, tho)

134. Can you count to one million?Nope.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I tell a lot of dumb lies to make it obvious that I’m lying. That’s just how I fail at being funny. ;w;

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed.

137. How tall are you?5′3

138. Curly or Straight hair?My hair never decides. Everytime I take a shower I never know if it will drive straight, wavy, or curly. xx Plus it’s hard to brush.

139. Brunette or Blonde?Brunette. MY HAIR IS DARK BROWN; N O T B L A C K.

140. Summer or Winter?Winter days, Summer nights (I prefer Summer nights).

141. Night or Day?Night. ;u;

142. Favourite month?December. 

143. Are you a vegetarian?No, but sometimes it seems like it. x”D

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?A l l o f t h e m.

145. Tea or Coffee?

146. Was today a good day?Meh.

147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers.

148. What’s your favourite quote?Ahhh, too little time left over to decide.

149. Do you believe in ghosts?This question is too hard. c”x

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?“The children’s pants had large wooden boxes in them.”

[ulyssesredux]

Penelope

Also he was dead spyglass like the dogs do it 4 or 5 times a day I got that way when I had only had time to do that act of contrition the candle I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the name of a shirt they wear to be squashed like that thered be some truth in it pretending to be a tutor, to inquire thoroughly into Lydgate's circumstances, be apparent to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well as all that lovely little statue he bought it at once saw the 2 things in their tail if you married Bulstrode, the first socialist he said to Sir Godwin Lydgate's, which she ought not to look at me they want everything in which his own character, and go abroad. This was really wondering with some of that I choose to do, Sir James, not being used to love coming home after dances the air the blue sea and the funeral and thinking about business so very distressing. Don't I see he did not repeat her brother's complaints to her. A sort of Byronic hero—an amorous conspirator, it is they who wear them I wanted to pick him up on the clean sheets I just half smiled I know they were shaking and dancing about in his composition I thought he was like that that might murder you any moment; who was in great style at the bottom of his grandfather instead of blaming her brother, going to get the smell of scorching. But I fear, said Rosamond, earnestly. I tormented the life out of a hook with a child embarazada that old blackguards face on him anybody can see its not or hed be off his hat what a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken bottles for a woman like that and didnt I dream something too yes there was a Flower of the way Mrs Mastiansky told me you hadn't a word to say against the sun from rising tomorrow the sun all the woodcocks and pigeons screaming coming back the skin underneath is much honored, is his son that got all the pleasure I could have wished this beforehand, whatever I do wish Brooke would leave that off, to whom these cheerful truths had a good job he was gone on me thats better I havent even one decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me after the lovely one she had been on the wrong side of the sudden revelation that another had thought of your whiskers filling her up entirely. Here you all undressed or the lancers O the lancers O the lancers theyre grand or the door of the generous host whom nobody criticises. If I were out with her again and her black blessed virgin with the wine of love in his heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt find anywhere only for I hate that pretending of all this to go to Lowick. Well, Vincy, easily recovering her calmness at the Only Way in the world only for the 4 years more I have of life up to a party, and threw her indignation into a consumption, as she has nobody to say, Cadwallader?

Look ugly or those awful names with bottom in them like a fair valuation. But he stands very high with Mr. Vincy. The web itself is made of spontaneous beliefs and indefinable joys, yearnings of one rebellious tear. The iron had not entered into treaty for it I suppose it was somebody strange he brought back from the south circular when he said Im dining out and going to and I so damned nervous about that? Walter, how can Mr. Bulstrode, opening his arms theres nothing for a dark man in the desks and drawers let him fall into a mans bedroom with her old green dress with the sweat stuck in the middle of us the same on account of father being in the sight of the kind known in the paper as if he takes a long time. —Is a Peelite. He got rid of Garth twelve years ago my God after that only makes it worse of Mr. Casaubon's death he had all the time it was struck by lightning and all those words in it theyre all mad to get it out straight whistling like a bunch of mixed violets, watching the sun and the big stupoes I ever going to the warehouse the next time yes because he is dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not I saw the Spanish girls he didnt recognise me either when I looked close in the way I do yes because a woman surely are they so beautiful of course it was to write the voyages those men have! But here was a little alone with her old green dress with the kisses of the house so you cant see the old things so much into Middlemarch gossip, Lydgate had never seen her in private. They only came forth gracefully on solicitation.

Casaubon. When you are here, Fred, and to enter so much into Middlemarch gossip, Lydgate had quite forgotten Rosamond's remark that she thought a sobering dose of fact no new tenant would take the farms on the black water but it was having a long wrangle in bed to let out the rooms he at present occupied; and Fred had given out unexpected electricity, and he says about old tenants stay on. See how he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid Concone is the name I dont like my accent first he meant the shoes that are too delightfully ridiculous. You are all for outlay with your farms. But these things just when you touch it my lips forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world was standing for Parliament, said Mrs.

I half frowned at him he was descending a little more urgency of this kind, till Mr. Lydgate is a flower that bloometh a few moments. Mrs. I put the quilt on the stage when I was to her depreciation as a haunt of young Ladislaw's. What!

I don't know about Mary. Rosamond of his hat what a temptation this would be glad of the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent even one decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me then hell see Im not going to give him what that meant I hate an unlucky man and he is who is going to give him the other room he could see over to the strength of the garden, and to enter so much still I made him blush a little return on rent-days to help the men with our 2 photographs in all my life yes he said it was extremely pretty it got as dull as the devil knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that he had purposely given emphasis to the Kingsbridge station with his lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the tide all swamping in floods in through the bottom of the morning it must have been said or done. Exactly: that he will be quiet on my bottom Ill drag open my drawers that was something and then the usual kissing my bottom was to hinder any one else, Mr. Brooke, shuffling round and shaking hands.

They will be quiet on my bottom because I used to weaning her till he comes out or a picnic suppose we all know the wag's definition of a big fool dreeping in the paper in them and grinning all over they want to do, said Sir James could know what he called it I suppose Id have to let out too much make it double My Ladys Bower is too heavy on me thats the way it takes a long wrangle in bed all day reading it up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the bullfight at La Roque it was a discipline for Fred hardly less sharp than his disappointment about Fred, she said, with affectionate deference. He said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the bones I hate an unlucky lad, Lucy. The accepted lover spent most of his hopes as to say yes my mountain flower and first I must buy a pair of old brogues itself do you like a weddingcake standing up in luxury—in spite of opposing rock. Said with quiet satisfaction, That is unloving. Where am I to do, he said I was what 22 or so it was so expressive will I what did he know me in the prettiest of up-stairs to take her hand up to him the old kitchen now is he too young then writing every morning a letter from a profession, went on with much spirit. And now he brings him home tomorrow today I wish hed even smoke a pipe like father to see me running Id just go to Ennis his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt have been glad to get it cheaper than by going around saying he was a world in which Christianity is taught, and preference for armorial bearings in our mutual position; the only thing she could eat at our table on Christmas day if you went anear he was the face and singing about the Vicar of St.

What can you have to go to her and I can. James, anxious to tread carefully.

If we had running along Williss road to Europa point twisting in and wasnt to be sick or going to have such a friend of Mr. Farebrother's old ladies, and telling him on the chamber arrah what harm but he had been released. But I fear you are the same paying him for a crust with his cold feet on me thats better I used to write the answer in bed with what a woman after coming out of me serve him right its all the plans he invents then leaving us here all day youd never know consumption or leave me with his position. Rosamond, blushing deeply, and makes him slack about some things; and while she was a little filial lecture afterwards, said Mr. Cadwallader.

But I cast my eyes still he had that white blouse on open in the winter its more company O Lord I wanted to give all the time even that watch he gave after the lord Mayor looking at him after that long joult over the other world tying ourselves up God be merciful to us I wonder whether he wishes he could twist how he is sure to rise in society yes wait yes that was an awfully nice man he showed me without making it so clean and white for them to set up housekeeping, he's mistaken, that's rather good, you know, enables a white rose and I said I was washing myself there below with the mass of wrinkles with all her miracles of the different ways in which Christianity is taught, and her black blessed virgin with the fine cattle going about with not another thing in all the pleasure I could have brought them back to Lewers this morning when I threw the rest of the bed too with his hairy chest for this. I forget what he forgets that wethen I dont want to make his house at Quallingham, when sustained by an accomplished creature who entered into every one's feelings, and ordering our lives as we can have music and cigarettes I can see what attention only of his life and the man never even rendered down the gallery said O much about as my backside on pins and needles still theres something I often asked him atheists or whatever they like from anything at all in their mouth all the time after at mass when my petticoat bodice all day reading it up besides he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a wet nurse all swelled out the light made it the other clergymen's neckcloths, because it seemed to demand an answer. Papa does not mind five honest tenants being half-grown kitten instead, strode across Fred's outstretched leg, and excellent waiting at table. But let us have a living to give an answer that would suit you, and for all their learning why dont they go about like that all her husband's strange indelicate proviso had been for some plate of an English university, and I thought you were not to leave knives crossed like that Id rather die 20 times over a year ago when was it yes imagine Im him think of him as simply an object of Mr. Farebrother, and there was a weed in the charades I hate people touching me afraid of her slipper after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade to make her mouth water but it was dark and ride me up out of those simpletons; whereupon Letty put her work out of the subject of drawers might have been a sin; it was but give it to God he had come to Middlemarch, who at that time trying to imagine what the sharp edge would be exciting going round with him.

I said I hadnt are you brooding over so? Returned. Mrs. Why should I sit here, and could either look at that time trying to make fun of him then behind his back I know of him or sticking up at I always think of these was of a poor quality. They are every-day things: in too worldly a way, and now everything is given to indirect modes of expressing himself: when Fred had been keeping away from us.

I wonder do they ask us to marry on? Lying in bed that morning and when one has notions in science, every moment is an impatience of everything in which the parson doesn't cut the principal figure. His position is not martyrdom to pay for their different tastes like those names in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them a bit loose from the south circular when he came on to say yes then it had to tell you in fine style I always want to throw a handful of tea into the glooms about that any more when I said firtree cove he would have better reasons than these for slighting so respectable a class of men gaping at us with their skirts blowing up to him, uncle, and we all know the wag's definition of a song out of that. He bought Mr. Peacock's practice, which she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its the feeling especially now with Milly nobody would believe cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us room even to let them all sides like the end of the different ways in which memory would not long ago in Walpoles only 8/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the ear for herself take that Mrs.

' And everything will settle down again as usual like the king of Spain was born I bet the cat I suppose hes a widower now I find he's in everybody's hearing.

Look, Dodo! Bulstrode did not once occur to Fred that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me I ought to make out shawls amusing things but tear for the fat lot I care the more because of them ever I suppose he scratched himself in it I hope hell write me a loveletter his wasnt much and I in it all now plainly and they sat quite still for many minutes which flowed by them like that that would at least that she might be a woman like that I asked Mr. Farebrother was somewhere in the butchers and had to say the property which was the first socialist he said that no one present to observe his random shots, which was much more difficult to make a splash in the Apocalypse. Cadwallader—when he found her looking cheerful with the patronage of the first man kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I think it is a Peelite. Vincy was silent. But Garth would not be hindered: they would be to be excited but I opened my legs round him I was washing myself there below with the engraving; and what is he driving at now showing him my photo its not good of all this hair off me just in passing but I saw the Spanish and he believed himself to foresee with perfect clearness. Things trouble you, my dear? There is one good chance—that perhaps he himself had even blinded his scrupulous care for his night office or something like a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I thought he was very nice invention too by the bye as Brooke's guest and a gold bracelet I dont feel a delicacy in appearing to glance over the ears theyre a nice present up in us all of us slaving here instead of sending her to write the answer in bed with a lion God Im sure that marriage must be to have a fine salty taste yes because theyre so savage for it in time, and sister all live with him in her about politics and earthquakes and the 8 big poppies because mine was thicker than cows then he wanted to examine a print curiously, as if to encourage them. The best people there are a few brains not like me to step over at the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the highest company and been everywhere, and was determined to blame?

Bulstrode said no more of the matter with my hair like the dickens they call them ideas.

I remember one time I ever heard of such a low fellow, that East Retford was nothing to their navels even when we walk forth happily among them in the tea-table and upset the milk, then, said Mr. Vincy was very nice invention too by the educational mother. I remember when I used to do with it I wonder why they call it that if I were Brooke, said Sir James, not being used to know where were you where are you brooding over so?

Oh, he's a dangerous subject with Mrs.

Pray come too, and he in mourning thats 11 years ago I wish you would insist on my lap now. As for Rosamond, insisted Lydgate, you ply him with all her life after of course he had me always when I knew his tattarrattat at the mutual web. Have you tried him on. I beg your pardon coach I thought it was meeting Josie Powell and the warden marching with his keys to lock the gates, said Dorothea. But Dorothea's effort was too short then the sea anyhow he always takes off his feed thinking of his exposing himself.

That's your hobby, and machine-breaking everywhere, and she too was spinning industriously at the little man he showed me how soon you can believe him I never had thats why he wants and he not long married flirting with a villa and eight rooms her father was an unwonted sign of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the very place too we did in this life get into bed till that thunder woke me up no damn fear once I start I tell you I had to halfshut my eyes over things in her about politics they know by the Tolka in my grave I suppose thats how he is what spoils him I feel some wind in me better go easy not wake him have a dreadfully secular mind. I havent forgotten it all now plainly and they bring the voters drunk to the great, imminent discovery. I could have picked every morsel of that kind. He felt sure that she had worms or not still all the horses dung I could certainly hasten the work with a quick movement said almost sharply—Do you mean—That is how families get rid of one life towards another, visions of completeness, indefinite trust. Allow me to feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished I could quite easily get him to stop and not think of him;—and yet, with his opera songs and his ready tongue. Are they? I heard burglars in the W C drunk in some pub corner and her black blessed virgin with the opera hats I tasted once with my legs round him and left his plans belated: he was educated: you know—the sort of object-lesson given to indirect modes of expressing himself: when Fred had given out unexpected electricity, and that kind of expression in us through many intricacies of lace-edging and hosiery and petticoat-tucking, in spite of his being a man who wants to read in bed in the coffee she stood there standing when I put my arms around him yes thatd be awfully jolly I suppose never dream of washing it from me and if he was too proud to act as if he were transplanted into plenty: he had to say the property was all thinking of as well throw you out in the kitchen to get a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt marry him not if he knew she broke off the ship and old captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for them to do but the one way—you have allowed all this is about a womans bottom Id throw my hat that old Glasgow suit of yours would never interfere with them why arent all men like that dirty bitch in that family physician I could pose for a penance I wonder is he driving at now showing him my photo its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it with a strong representation how important it was going to take me to show it to some poor child but I told her over him because I didnt get a nice lot all of them. Not that Mr. Casaubon has not said so yet here you are they theyre all right I wouldnt give in with the razor paring his corns afraid hed get regular pay or a loo her face swelled up on her own way at the canal was frozen yes it was easier to object than to hinder any formal communication of an adverse resolve; in the next morning in letting Rosamond know what Mrs. I do know me in the ladies letterwriter when I saw his eyes shut and a little less like an Irish cottier's.

It is Aquinas's fault, said Sir James complied at once what you mean.

Everything was changing its aspect: her husband's injustice. That's a showy sort of thing that he had the oyster knife cant be true a thing like that nowadays full up of each other up; and altogether Lydgate had not taken him by his tenants or any one would have called an ordinary way, very much beloved, but he could buy me a great lot about a landlord not a horse or an ass am I with nothing but my pipe and pond-animalcules.

I spoke from inference only. It must be of a king theyre all right I wouldnt mind being a woman always licking and lecking but I could without too openly they were just beginning to form themselves. He touched her keenly. Paul's Cross after old Latimer. Cadwallader. And it takes me to try some fellow or other inconvenience, purely by the bottle anyway if not I saw through him telling me all the time even that watch he gave me the pan all for masses for herself take that thats alright the one I did with her the one I have a child embarazada that old commode I wonder why he wants to be prepared for in the way thats why I suppose they could I get up under my petticoats especially then still I look young no matter what they please a married woman or a murderer anybody what they did together well naturally and if a man almost easy O how the waters come down at me professor I hope Ill never be like her?

One ought to satisfy him if we hadnt enough of that hardened criminal he was too late now for your impudence she had been lower than she had believed, whose exorbitant claims for himself an old pattern which was probably deficient. Well, Vincy. But now, only because Mr. Casaubon wished it. The eldest understood, and the boats with their skirts blowing up to her mouth water but it will take wing; Brooke will sell the 'Pioneer,and everything you were a nice lot its well for men all their stinks after them always know who he has got a chance in Brighton square running into my muff when I was thinking of him, said Fred, who had risen to look at Fred or not, ought she? We may all be ruined for what I should never have got him to get a high style of embroidery and Valenciennes. It follows as a great lot about a womans bottom Id throw my hat at him that knew us I thought the heavens were coming down on bathingsuits and lownecks of course hes right enough in Santa Maria that gave me the Italian then hell write about some woman in their tail if you got pelted, interposed Mrs. And here is Celia and her husband was one true thing he slept on the whole blessed time till I taught him Cappoquin he came back with the soup but I could easily have slipped a couple of eggs since the City Arms intelligence they had the advantage of those a nice aquamarine Ill stick him for one time well done to him. Farebrother said—Wait here a minute after just to try and steal our things if they only knew him as a woman and he had found it out then to flush it nice cool pins and needles still theres something queer about their children always smelling around those filthy bitches all sides like the dogs do it again if he doesnt correct her faith I will put the quilt on the paucity of time rather than of a romantic comedy. —Miss Noble, the oil-cloth worn, the idea making us like that he had no other fixity than that look how white they are and the moon shining so beautifully coming back on the scene he was, had come at all then Ill tell him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well as possible how he got all those firm expectations were upset.

It is a nuisance under one's very nose.

It did not know how the waters come down at me with a grand dinner except that Synoptical Tabulation, which no one wished to do it since I was a subject which Mrs. Sir James to follow when he was as flat as a great favour the very highest style of man anywhere to be free from it is easy I think he'll turn him round: I wouldn't talk of the naked street that disheartened me altogether I suppose its all the time with his beard a bit sooner then I hate the mention of her ear and a bottle of hogwash he tried to bite the nipple I had before to keep turning and turning to get in a gate somewhere or one of these was of a manner like he got me on the shelf well Im not a rock: he would give any number of representatives who will pay for it I think while Im asleep then we had together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the room to show one wet Sunday in the preserved seats for that it meant him but hes no chicken nor a stranger either besides my face the best men, said Mr. Brooke. I forgot that he used to love coming home with a smile in his hand anear me drawers drawers the whole more painful to Mary, imagining now that I got him to tell him I want LI or perhaps the sweety kind of flowers are those they invented like the sea excited me of old Mrs Fleming and drove out to her, and gives him a stinted provision for himself and lock him down into the glooms about that would suit you, then jumped down again and swept half the character a woman and he so English all father left me in the cheeks of my face was turned the other. Why should I sit here idle? Dorothea, breaking in impetuously. There was a sudden strange yearning of heart towards Will Ladislaw thinking about me lover and mistress publicly too with his lips, and tripping away. Why, yes, said Mrs.

He was an exceptional man that common workman that left its hard to believe all I thought I had to stand for him to come and hear him.

And happening the next room hed have one yes when I said I liked him because I was watching me whenever he asked who are not to flinch from. Mr. Vincy. Come, that's capital.

I said to herself to her head with my hair a bit the skin underneath is much finer where it was found out he walks down the fat I told him he said, rising to go away from us. Rosamond, a sort of thing—these men never understand what is he driving at now showing him my photo its not that stuckup university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt pay till he was out of her, if Bulstrode had not taken him by the divine government under each dispensation. It was a bit putting on the black water but that only makes it a wider range than that fixity of alternating impulses sometimes called habit, and an election coming on—Dear papa! I know I am an adulteress as the early frost, and other incidents of scientific inquiry, are observed to be popular and see it all over also his lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the kitten's head as usual on the black water but it was a potent professor of John Jameson they all whitehot and the wineshops half open at night and the bugs tons of them it was found out on the windowsill before all the ends of the Huguenots to sing the Vicar's praises. Excuse me, it must have given me up no damn fear once I start I tell you I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote to say, but he's such a home as Wrench had—well, child, we must not think of him as much as I can have music and cigarettes I can get up a row and made him stand there and kiss me in the hope but he has done. Said Lydgate, lifting her eyes with wider gravity at her schoolfellow Miss Willoughby's.

Where am I ever go back there again is a little return on rent-days to help a tenant to buy them of a promise to erect a tomb with his for a moment but I dont know what to make its only like gruel or the Dublins that won and half the rotten eggs would mean hatred of your uncles do you think me very undeserving, Mrs. I can't talk to your soul almost paralyses you then a girl for their seats out of the spoon up and whats this her other name was just like that on my lap now. Mr. Bulstrode be to blame herself and her lot of trash I hate those rich ones off Stephens green running up to to get him to be tied though I wouldnt let him fall into a temper still he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes were red when his brother-in-law Bulstrode had vexed him, I dare say? But it had a kind of expression in us all of it too, Miss Garth has such very high connections: he is one of those candidates who come from being forbidden to her lately at the grand funeral trousers as if he knew how he is besides something always happens with him, said the Rector.

She was knitting, and led off the street into a consumption, as if to encourage them. In the earlier half of those new some word I couldnt keep it as well be in bed with his for a penance I wonder what shes got like now after living with him that he could, he was shaking like a hatrack no wonder but he does of course it used to be a cheapening of our constitution, while Letty arriving cried out to see rivers and lakes and flowers all a womans body were so dubious to her mouth water but it will not mind if every field on his hand with his knife or theyd have taken it into his soul thats dead I suppose he wont get or its some little bitch or other and Martin Cunningham and the skirt and jacket and the second verse first the old stupid clock to near the Bloomfield laundry to try and make him do it on the other side was reading aloud from that naivete which belonged to preoccupation with favorite ideas. I halfturned and stopped then he said at the back of his exposing himself. —It is seven weeks now since papa gave his consent. Bulstrode, wishing to rouse her husband's places of deposit for private writing, but he's such a born liar too no wonder they treat you like.

He would have done if he knew the items of election expenses I could see that this blooming youngster should flourish on the canal lock my Irish beauty he was on the clean sheet I wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I never thought hed write making an appointment I had before to keep turning and turning to get a high style of embroidery and Valenciennes. And I shall have to make a knot on a visiting card or practising for the 4 years more I have a good eyeful out of her in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough till I promised to give me chloroform or God knows its not true and that derelict ship that came along I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a hair's-breadth beyond—docile, therefore, and slightly meditative; in fact, resumed Sir James? In carrying out this bequest of labor to Dorothea, meditatively. He is a great mirada once or twice first he meant to make people believe that you have to perfume it in the bottom of the bed to know where were you not? Dagley complained to me.

What can I its a wonder she didnt darken the door when he comes up in the morning it must be prepared for the burglars benefit there isnt in all directions if you please that might be wrong about Mary. And that if you had such an idea about him l or 2 tunnels perhaps then you could not speak for you of the kind, which was shown to him who Mrs Fleming and drove out to him. And happening the next lane running round all the nicer then coming back suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother whoever she is such a house like this Id love to have the violet pair I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst to the great, imminent discovery.

The certainty that I may win Mary.

Yes, young people are usually blind to everything but their own intention.

And it really is painful for me, papa. Family annoyances. Young love-making not at all hours answer the door when he sprained his foot in it you want to buy them of a bottom Mulvey I wouldnt trust him too far to give all the woodcocks and pigeons screaming coming back the skin much an hour he was educated: you only mean that which takes in the Blessed Virgins arms sure no woman could have wished this beforehand, whatever the Vincys might suppose. But I should be the 1st man Id meet theyre out looking quite conscious what harm but he never can explain a thing like that, said Mary. He is engaged in making scientific discoveries.

When, seating himself on a little indisposed to raise a question if I was coming next only natural weakness it was having a strong desire to rescue him from doing worse where it was on account of her life. She might have taken it into him and all about the parishioners in Tipton. A pretty deal to do nothing: that makes it so now there you are joking.

There was no help for it and invite some other woman I can tell him the other world tying ourselves up God be merciful to us I thought I had some I could always hear his voice talking when the priest and they bring the voters drunk to the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those frightful rocks and Saint Michaels cave with the sashes and the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as if already breathed upon by exquisite wedded affection such as would be more classy O beau pays de la Flora and he said the Rector, lounging back and smiling easily, as if I went into the unpleasant fact about the monuments and he always sang it not? And you see something of that. But it's pleasant to find himself in! Sir James. I wonder what sort is his foremost man. And that money-advances from fathers-in-law; and he wanted to shout out all round the back of the ladies letterwriter when I was in love with the old castle thousands of years old yes and he wanted to touch the lute and transform life into romance at any moment what a row youre making like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a white soft living substance to make—you never would marry Mr. Ladislaw from wanting to put his tongue 7 miles up my hole is itching me always when I looked a bit of a body can understand then he asked to take lessons what is good satire.

Mr. Farebrother, but this time know that. Assuredly, said Lydgate. Don't be sad, Dodo—I think I am standing in his gentlest tone, as she likes, he was throwing his hat and stick and rose quickly.

Harriet! He got rid of troublesome sprigs. And as to the lowest pits that sponger he was or did supposed to be passive, is a great leg of and she as insolent as ever for the gold cup hed say its from the London and Newcastle Williams and Woods goes twice as far as ever for the son then the same paying him for one thing I hope that lamp is not martyrdom to pay bills that one drop even if its a wonder Im not no nor anything like that in women no wonder they hide it I was interested having to answer he always said that he said hed have one or two Brooke and this Master Ladislaw will take wing; Brooke will sell the 'Pioneer,or Ladislaw, said Lydgate, having early had much exercise in such a born liar too no hed never turn or let him know if he had been asked to admire the spider, Mr. Casaubon was spiteful.Said the Rector. Every morning now she sat with Celia. Dorothea, meditatively.

Then he said he was black and blue do him all the bits of paper in his grand funeral trousers as if Mr. Casaubon has not left any expression of opinion to which Mr. Vincy, he reopened the subject? Mr. Farebrother and hear him preach. There was no time in conjecturing how much were they Ive no clothes at all hours answer the door much after we were like cousins what age was he was pale with excitement about going away so familiarly in the world let us take a direction that would at least one quarter of the garden at the end would be.

They are every-day things: in spite of experience supposed to represent beauty placed up there for tea 2 days after in the pit at the cleaners 3 whats that for the bit you put down your throat we have to let them get a private tutorship and go about rather gay not too old for him what are his wife I just after my mother he used his mouth singing then he wanted that his notion of being worsted in dialogue with a cord flagellate sure theres nothing like a mummy will I indeed did you ever be up to the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he hadnt an idea about him, turned on the leg behind high up was it there was a new attitude, and lunch lingering in the world the mists began I hate those eels cod yes Ill sing Winds that blow from the reading of the night for him to show it to God he had the manners not to go and marry a poor old woman to another I couldnt smell anything off it Im certain the way they do themselves the fine cattle going about that any more when I looked back and smiling, while the grizzled Newfoundland lying in the right reins now pull the chain then to the fair with the cherries which stood in a few pence for them to set up housekeeping, he's mistaken, that's capital. At this crisis Lydgate was a real officers funeral thatd be hot on for flirtyfying too when I half frowned at him first you sometimes love to hear him preach. You are not of this kind, said Sir James. What! A large tear which had been remarking on baby's robes. Casaubon wanted to examine a print curiously, as he gave me the present terms. But Mr. Brooke. Vincy preferred playing was that of course I put him into it. This constancy of purpose in the paper, and she went on, observing nothing more than was good for him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is anything uncomfortable for you in a dim and clogging medium: distrust of any sign that in Horace?

What I care with it what a man who beats me in the 'Pioneer. Satire, you are here, Fred could not possibly have wished that he has got into the tea-table and upset the milk, then jumped down again and her black blessed virgin with the engraving; and he tired me out of her worsted, knitting her brow at it show them attention and they treat you like those babies in the D B C with Poldy laughing and trying to catch my eye as if we had to defend her husband, lost no time the next room hed have heard me on copied from some old Aristocrat or whatever the Vincys might suppose. Garth to manage your papa says he will not like Bartell Darcy sweet tart goodbye of course compared with an air of the mountain yes when I half of the will with some liqueur Id like to see that his notion of being hanged O she didnt look a big brute like that other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it I wonder could I only could remember the I half frowned at him seduce him I was just like a weddingcake standing up miles off my stockings lying on his nose like that all invention made up about he drinking the champagne out of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her dog smelling my fur and always the worst to the uncle who was not likely to make you feel that papa should be treated as if to encourage him as hes there they know youve no man could look at that period there was a boycott I hate that pretending of all the time to time, and giving him the satisfaction of giving Fred his discipline and the last of yesterday that made it the two of them for money, and the tall old chap with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it the last year by giving lessons, carrying on hard study at the same place and dont forget it God only knows whether he did not repeat her brother's complaints to her at present occupied; and it would not be right. He does play for money, and we were engaged became general in Middlemarch without the neck is very fond of him.

We should not surmount every other. Mrs. He found the family in a large shawl; and Lydgate thought that would allow us to marry on? Some say it's the end I can see what attention only of his grandfather instead of roving around the city meeting God knows its not true and that Mrs.

It did not repeat her brother's complaints to her one evening, in relation to Rosamond's family.

But the best linen and the sailors playing all birds fly and I take my stand on them hes certainly well off I know they were so plump and tempting in my bed in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression besides scrooching down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the light too so then there were any words written for me I heard burglars in the morning Mamy Dillon used to stoop in that light—that gossamer web! But here was a bit queer to go beyond this salutary general doctrine, and he went out. Said Mr. Brooke, rising, taking up the side of the 'Pioneer. You were not such a home as Wrench had—well, but he might imagine he was, had hardly seen Ladislaw, and you ought to be prettier than memory could represent her to do with it like a prince on the wrong not being in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he brought me that one change them only not to upset myself and write his name upon it. You wanted to and she pretended not to look out of the generous host whom nobody criticises. I ever going to Howth Id like to think rather rigorously of what had been a prime minister: the force of circumstances was easily too much the fashion now garters that much I couldnt find anywhere only for the world to make her mouth water but it will not be an affair of a man looks like with his lamp and try again so as he implied to Mr. Garth seemed pleased that Mary we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night I couldnt describe it simply to please him, and preference for armorial bearings in our mutual position; the whole time watching with the heat there before the last of yesterday that made up about he drinking the champagne out of the way it was asking you to sit it out in his wifes mouth damn this stinking thing anyway wheres this and wheres that of course that is Keck—an amorous conspirator, it is sure to rise in society yes wait it all over the other side of me when I was afraid when that other beauty Burke out of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the very place too we did it or lump it he thinks nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt a moustache that was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I stared it out of him if hes anything of this world without style all going in food and rent when I asked him I liked him because I told him about some dean or bishop was sitting beside me in the box I could all in white and lavender like a rose I didnt want to make of me serve him right its all very fine, you know: Hawley and his boiled eyes of all the people passing they all of them knew Dodo as well he doesnt smear all my compriments on your person my child on the chair before me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that was all thinking of me to find out was he brought in if they could put him in the most blameless men I suppose well have him I knew the purport of her suggesting me to marry Farebrother at last he made me seasick he didnt like it so as to the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he made me the other side of the spoon up and then you have men on your side who will pay for everything at once to pay for everything at once saw the 2 Dedalus girls coming from school I never give up my hole is itching me always at myself 4 and 5 times a day older than then I wouldnt mind feeling it neither would he feel when he found lilies there too where he is indeed judging by the educational mother.

His attendance on Dorothea while her brain was excited, had as little of what went on in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent all drowned he can scour off the hand off that little Italian boy to mend so that finished that I am not ungrateful; I trust in heaven it won't be broken!

Your whiskers filling her up with a will, said Sir James, said Rosamond, a little girl because I used to weaning her till he was shaking like a new pattern of gate—I hope my breath yes he said he was dying to find everybody, and cast her eyes down meditatively on her it brings a parting and the hotel rrrsssstt awokwokawok his eyes or standing up miles off my drawers and bulge it right out and have nothing more than anybody. But the months gained on him.

We should not see it comes out or Ill see if there was some funny story about the grounds, and he would keep entire silence on a lovely woman O Lord I wanted to marry you for your opinions, but in the porkbutchers is a cursed day too no hed never find another woman like that bath of the name model laundry sending me to put it past him like other women do I so there you are glad that he regarded Fred's idleness with a Molly in them in everybody's mouth in Middlemarch without the least because he used to weaning her till he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to say yes till I was jumping up at the bottom of the other side of the banks there on purpose that we went over middle hill round by Coadys lane will give no money to provide furniture; and though, since Mary openly placed Farebrother above everybody, I admit—the doors and windows to make a new city better leave this ring behind want to feel your way with a dirty barefaced liar and sloven like that if any fool wouldnt know what: It is as angry with him that Mr. Vincy, blustering as he sat down to me the fidgets coming in to spoil their sleep except an odd mixture of plum and apple no Ill have to learn the way to Lowick parsonage he had been keeping away from the Grange chiefly as a sheet frightened out of the piano stood, and I love and being expected continually by some one who always do more than any other redactor. Is he really going to be married in a lover's nature—it was going by with the sense of having exceeded in words was peculiarly mortifying. I found in her nature what could she go to Lowick, to make the great archery scene at the Only Way in the best my blouse open for his having come in Id like to try and patch it up like in a way not to ask any questions but they want to do that there was some rage in his slippers to look at baby, things were right enough, and the oysters 2/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the grass with Brownie at his shirt with a more correct outside. There was some rage in his wifes mouth damn this stinking thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes I had youre always in great singing voice no I never heard of wedding-clothes being bought after marriage. Ladislaw; but my pipe and pond-products which he believed me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I shall stay with Christy, opening her eyes rather absently.Humphrey; and only captain Groves and father talking about Spinoza and his son that got to do anything extravagant, but he never saw a better judge than James. And she has nobody to command her as she was not more or less sanctioned by men of ordinary honor.

What? Fred thought it as ridiculous, having early had much exercise in such dismissals.

Caleb likes taking trouble: he would have done with it; and then of his estate. Then you think me stupid if he had omitted to send off from the depths of her in the desks and drawers let him keep it when was it yes rather high up was it to God he had been considerably reduced since he had prepared was subdued only by distrust of Dorothea's nature: she could say distinctly to herself was, had come home. Retrogressive, now! She never did give me what do I care the more because of them. Mrs Rubio brought it on her wasnt she the downright villain to go to bed, I hope shell get someone to dance attendance on Dorothea while her brain was excited, had talked fervidly to Rosamond to be all shot or the freemasons then well see well see well see then let him have him sitting up like that on show on the stage when I sang at where its over a daub of red ink would do something to H H the pope besides theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his arms theres nothing for a father to get a husband whose thoughts had been asked to take photographs on account of the sudden revelation that another had thought that in her chair, with an ill-chosen domestic apparatus. That Miss Theother lot of squealers Miss This Miss That Miss Theother lot of that for the property was all very fine, you have taken up such an idea about him and Dorothea about the young May moon shes beaming love because he never will he take a decided course, and preference for armorial bearings in our mutual position; the whole insides out of his spunk on the knife for bad luck or if its not that its just the ordinary do it in time, said Mrs. I remember they all look at them I wanted to study up that myself they darent order me about the grounds, and half fearing that she was undergoing a metamorphosis in which his own position was not advantageous, a sort of happiness even than this—being continually together, independent of others, and I saw him that the revelation might do Fred Vincy a great friend of ours; and Fred predicted to himself that he says is so much harm.

It was plainer now than ever that his character as a great big hole in his eye I had to say they give a snap of my foot so much harm. I've had enough of them.

And she has been since I was watching the sun so he must be to the poll. I forgot it to God I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the show on the pop of asking them to set up housekeeping, he's mistaken, that's capital. It's no use at Lowick—I hope he won't go into a volume of sermons by Mr. Tyke has been called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years if I knew it was impossible for either of them pretending to like it! The result of the ashpit. It seemed a triumphant eluding of his own position was not a rock: he would like to know grey matter they have been said or done. Said wasnt it natural so it is not martyrdom to pay for everything at home then—no teasing with personal speculations—he has kept college company. Come, you know. But mamma was near spoiling all, was made active by the imbittering discovery that in her heart, but really when a husband but you cant do a thing pfooh you wouldnt see women going and marrying him first tickling him I want LI or perhaps 30/-in all sure you were yes I said I was in great style at the little bit of what people should be the manager he gave me the fidgets coming in lovely and fresh who knows the meaning of the nymph with my family. I've taken my resolution, so I took off only my blouse or touch him with my hair like a jelly all over also his lovely young cock there so tender all the time as a girl he was able to think rather rigorously of what she resolved to do the criada the room was crowded and watch him after him at the open air fete that one denying it up in me nice invention too by the handwriting or the freemasons then well see well see then let him go to Will Ladislaw?

But I should think he is one of those high-bred cousins who were bores, should be appealed to in writing.

I was fit to be always and ever wearing the same besides I hate people that have to knock off the hand, I should be true up to him. The best people there are so many years to know I cant help it if anyone asked could he have the two ways I always knew wed go away, and everything has been since I have a good deal of trouble to anybody. Bulstrode has pushed him forward more than he is drawing it down my horses soon.There are tremendous sarcasms against a landlord stands in his gentlest tone, Mr. Farebrother must be given up. If you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever he got anything really serious the matter. The evening that Fred might be wrong about Mary. What original notions you clever men have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to tell her a wallflower that was why we had to be so very distressing.

As to Lydgate himself, having been accepted, he had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote a letter on its way and scandals too the few old rags I have of life up to me.

Christy, opening into a boat with him at Bray telling the boatman he knew the way only a black mans Id like to find out something about poetry in it who gave him all the rock standing up like a river so clear Harry Molly darling I was a poet like lord Byron and not living at home more especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does that is wise. But he's getting on right something happens or he might want to I feel I want to get the last person who ought to chuck that Freeman with the fez used to stoop in that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he did not bribe enough. If anything is done to make everything comfortable about Rosamond's marriage; and the smell of a man theyre not afraid going about of getting Garth to make the great God I dont know and Im to be listened to by a lengthening line of wool, shouted and clapped his hands at the Broadstone going away or wed be seen from the house he felt it was a little filial lecture afterwards, and she never left us a farthing. Garth meant, and he so quiet and mild with his tall hat on the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing for a postcard U p up O sweetheart May wouldnt a thing simply the way I used to write to the mark. Here you all are, eh? There is one who was instructed to the highest uses of his like that on my clean shift or powdered myself or a murderer anybody what they can out of the world let us make too much singing a bit putting on the pop of asking them to set up above everybody, you never know consumption or leave me with a jealous dread in his tone. Tell me at once to pay bills that one when I looked close in the eye of my business, and only time we were before she had too on the jealous side whenever he set out at five o'clock and called on Mrs. She ought not, as St.

The certainty that I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the featherbed mountain after the lovely places we could accept any exchange for it.

You were not cheerful, and you ought to have behaved just the right thing that Dorothea was in there on the paucity of time rather than of a few words not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple no Ill have to wash it off on me yes and damn well fucked too up to open it with his point of view considerably changed in relation to many observers besides Mr. Farebrother was somewhere in the drawing-room on to get it out in front of me in the right place was adorable. Miss Vincy and Mr. Farebrother.

Said Dorothea, breaking in impetuously. Will you give it up.

After a slight pause, he observed, when Mr. Farebrother has left us together on purpose that we might speak freely.

Marriage, of course any old rag looks well on you then a girl in spite of experience supposed to be married soon.

On the contrary, he said he was years older than me I tell you, to make, ended the Rector, laughingly, that Mr. Farebrother that I could always hear his voice talking when the day well soon have the whole thing and one of these was of a philanthropist is likely to be a cheapening of our constitution, while he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the night he walked home with a strong effect on him at Bray telling the boatman he knew how to row if anyone asked could he have the violet pair I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst I know—the county. Mrs. He did not wish for the smell of scorching.

I think he'll turn him round: I wouldn't talk of phlebotomy, I think Ill get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have made us the fish supper on account of their bad conscience ah yes I pulled him off letting on I want to make the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he wrote it I wonder whether he wishes he could twist how he is the name of a place like that he should be glad.

Does he know you are behaving very ill, Fred could not help feeling that he remained silent and went to India? Said Mrs. What!

What has he not long married flirting with a bit foolish in the City Arms hotel when he stood up and down the paper as if he knew she was a good time somewhere still she must have altogether begun with an intelligent welleducated person Id have to knock the good baronet, feeling that he had too on the landing always somebody inside praying then leaving all their learning why dont they go howling for the gold cup hed say or do something quite beneath him, even with men, said Mary, retreating, and the castanets and the four paltry handkerchiefs about 6/-in-law, or prospective income from a heap of shallow cabinet drawers, in which his own love as probably evident enough. He hopes soon to be a university professor of Italian and Im to be a little backward, I shall stay with Christy, opening his arms theres nothing else its all his other expectations; he wants what he never knew how to settle it at once. She now said with the fine gentlemen in their hats and the mosquito nets I couldnt find anywhere only for the priest was going by with the one like a sausage or something where hed no business they can out of it before I tore it up in us all go and wash the cobbles off themselves first then they come out please shes in great humour she said one day to accompany a patient to Brassing, he told me point-blank that clergymen seldom understood anything about business, said Dorothea, breaking in impetuously. Just what Rosy ought to go and see if they send up a pretty strong party.

He touched her ear because her bumgut fell out a fine hack, and ordering our lives as we know, said Lydgate.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2018