#i think a small break from this acc will have to happen because i cannot catch a break fr 😭

[enluv]

was just informed I have a fracture in my right knee🧍🏽‍♀️pls I cannot catch a break fr...first I'm sick and now this 😭😭😭

[dutchdread]

No offense bro, but why are you always so protective of Cloud? No disrespect to you or anything but I've heard quite a bit of different opinions and theories on Cloud myself and I do agree with the people who say that he takes Tifa for granted. Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior. He also does act like he's the only one who has suffered in his life. Do you have other reason to defend him other than the fact that you "relate" to him? Just wondering.

Sorry for the late reply, my life has basically left no room for hobbies these past months. Your question is hard to reply to because I am not sure what you mean when you say I am protective of him. I guess you mean I defend his actions? Specifically in ACC? Firstly let me state that there is a difference between being a good character and being a nice character, there is also a difference between agreeing with someones actions, or just understanding them. Personally, I never really liked Cloud, especially not when I was younger. A lot of my defense of Cloud doesn't come from me personally liking him, but from me thinking he's a good character. I also think Snape is a good character, but I don't like his actions, and I don't defend them, although I still understand them to a certain degree. I should also say that as I started to understand Clouds character more, I also started liking HIM a bit more, although I still don't like the things he did, and would very likely not be friends with him. But I do understand why he did what he did and cannot be too critical of him because of that. You've probably heard that before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That's great advice, if you want to judge someone, you should imagine what it would be like to be them, however, I've noticed that too often when people try to walk a mile in someone elses shoes, they refuse to take their own shoes off first. They don't think "what would it be like to be him", they think "what would I do in that position". But Cloud is not you, and you cannot judge him by how you would act, you've not gone through the same things he has, your thought patterns aren't the same etc. This matters because too often I see people judging Clouds actions in ACC, and establishing his motivations by saying things that boil down to "If I were in his position, I would only do those actions if I loved Aerith/didn't love Tifa/whatever". But they're not Cloud, and they're not understanding how Cloud thinks, and that it's different from how THEY think. But like you said, I do see some recognizable elements of myself in Cloud, which is why I do understand his actions, and why I feel relatively certain in defending them, because I see them coming from a good place. It's common for me to react to things in a way that others find counter-intuitive. Let me give you an example, my brother once was mad at me because I had not told him my girlfriend of several years and I had broken up while I did tell a random stranger at the pub. He said that he felt like he wasn't important to me if I told a random stranger but not him. The truth was the exact opposite, I love my brother, and could not bear to face him for some reason, as I told him: "if not caring enough was the problem, then I wouldn't have told a random stranger". I see people exhibit that same lack of understanding when discussing Clouds actions, where they feel like his actions must be the sign of him just being a bad person, or not caring. But ask yourself what is more likely, that Square-enix wants their hero to be a bad person, or that you simply are misunderstanding the character? I understand why people don't get Cloud, Cloud suffers from obvious mental health issues, and mental health issues simply are not something that the general public understands, even today. Not only that, but Cloud went through the most insane series of traumatic events anyone could ever imagine. He had an alien parasite in him, saw his entire town murdered before his eyes, then saw Zack murdered in front of his eyes, then saw Aerith murdered in front of his eyes, and just when he started living a peaceful life he is forced to watch his child succumb to sickness in front of his eyes, and then he finds he himself is dying. All this on the psyche of a man who had had a fear of failure ever since he was a child, spent most of his life essentially in war, and had a severe identity crisis as well. Do you think you can honestly judge him by going "that's not what I would have done"? Would that not be incredibly

presumptuous? Have you suffered from depression as a result of severe post-war PTSD and a lifelong feeling of inadequacy combined with a fear of failure and the belief that many of your loved ones died because you failed and were inadequate? Because that's the context in which you have to view Cloud when watching Advent Children. Saying "Going through trauma in the past is not really an excuse for his behavior" is just incredibly short-sighted, your behavior is determined by who you are, and who you are is determined by what you go through in the past. You can't expect a broken child to become a well-adjusted adult when being a well-adjusted adult is the result of having a normal childhood.

I also don't want to cause offense, but this really is a mindset you should change, because this mindset is one of the most pervasive and damaging ones in our society, it's the one that probably bothers me most when I hear it because it makes zero sense. It's like breaking a robots self-repair unit, and then being angry at it on the grounds that the self-repair unit should have fixed it. It's also very insensitive in general, it's the equivalent of saying "why are you depressed, just stop being depressed", people don't choose to be depressed, people don't choose to have a fear of failure. People don't choose their emotions, they're just there. They can be influenced by behavior over time, sure, but behavior is equally influenced by who you are and your emotions, which, as mentioned before, is determined for a large part by your past. People don't just "snap out of it". They fight and fight and fight, and sometimes they win and break out of the spiral, and sometimes they lose and it breaks them.

FFVII, and especially Advent children, is all about that struggle, and during those struggles you will have high-points, and low-points. FFVII shows all of those. It shows Cloud trying, it shows Cloud wanting, it shows Cloud failing, but it also, ultimately, shows Cloud prevailing. Judging Cloud for not breaking out of the spiral by the time of Advent children, when he was mentally only barely 18 years old, and when he started at the worst place anyone could ever imagine, is just not reasonable. It's the modern day equivalent of "let them eat cake", something that can only be said from the place of privilege of not knowing what the struggles of the people you're critiquing are actually like. So having that out of the way, lets look at Clouds actions from the perspective of Cloud. Cloud is a young boy, and he's in love with the girl next door, he wants to get her to notice him. One day said girl walks up a mountain and he follows, she falls off a bridge and ends in a coma. Cloud followed her because he's in love with her, and he gets the blame from the adults. Cloud internalizes this, and its important to imagine what this must be like for a child, to have the adults all tell him it's his fault that the person he loves ended up hurt. "your fault", "your fault". Afterwards Cloud starts thinking Tifa hates him and starts acting out. I think this is a good moment to point out btw that this child has no father figure. This is the start of his feelings of failure and inadequacy, he blames himself for not being able to protect Tifa, failure number 1, he thinks that if he were strong, he'd be able to protect her, he thinks that if he were like Sephiroth, then even Tifa would have to notice him. Now until this time Cloud is not an asshole, he's a bit of a rebellious kid yes, but notice that he's not a bad kid as much as he's a kid who wants to protect someone, has no direction, and is acting out. So Cloud thinks he's not good enough, but he leaves town confident that he'll become good enough, and even makes a promise to Tifa. All this follows logically from what we know about Cloud, and tells us a lot about how deeply seated these feelings are. Becoming Soldier wasn't a small thing, not some small passion project that he just came up with one day, it's the result of the things that happened in his childhood and he left everything behind make it so. He told the girl he loved, he promised, he boasted. And then he failed. Failure number 2. He comes back to Nibleheim and can't bear to look Tifa in the eye and admit that he couldn't do it, that he's a failure. His entire life so far has revolved around this and he wasn't good enough. So here we have Cloud, not in a great mindset, thinking he's a failure, and what happens? His entire town is murdered by the person he admired, someone he worked with. His Mother is killed, and Tifa, the girl he PROMISED to protect, gets slashed open so badly that apparently she needed to have her ribcage reinforced with metal. I think we can all agree that this by itself would be enough to potentially scar a person for life. (Cloud, not Tifa XD) So what's next for the boy who left town in order to become a hero? Well, he gets captured and experimented on for 4 years, during which his mind and sense of identity is bombarded with memories and knowledge of the lifestream in the form of mako, muddying up his thoughts. Cloud already had a weak sense of self as a result of his childhood, it's why he failed to enter Soldier and now this distaste for who he is makes him extra susceptible to Jenovas influence. The next thing Cloud sees, (he didn't consciously experience the 4 years of mind-fuckery) is his best friend getting killed trying to protect him, because Cloud wasn't strong enough. Failure #3. At this point, in Clouds mind the list of people dead because he could not protect them, because he's a failure, include his mother, his entire town, his best friend, and as far as he knows, the girl he loves. This is his life. His mind is broken, he hates himself, he doesn't want to be himself,

he has a mind-altering parasite inside of him trying to adjust his identity and Clouds just goes "I reject this reality and constitute my own". And why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't he want to live in a fantasy world where he wasn't a failure, where he made it into soldier, where he was cool and successful and not a disappointing failure? Zack tells him to be his living legacy and Cloud goes with it, then he runs into Tifa, Jenova adjusts Cloud further based on Tifas memories of them and rejoined with the girl for whom he joined Soldier Cloud is unconsciously all too willing to play the part. FFVII starts and it doesn't take long for the cracks in his fake persona to show, he meets Aerith, and becomes her bodyguard. He gets to be the hero he always wanted to be. But then, even as "Cloud strife, soldier first class", Cloud is still a failure, the plate still drops, killing thousands, he gives Sephiroth the black materia, he beats up Aerith, and ultimately, fails to save her as well. Tifa was the First Failure, and Aerith was the Final Failure. Even as a soldier, Cloud still couldn't save anyone, he loses even more faith in himself, he doesn't know who he is, he doesn't trust himself, and then when he also loses Tifas trust in who he is, he just breaks and gives over to Jenova/Sephiroth. Even Hojo calls him a failure. Cloud feels like a nobody. Now mentally weakened, under the influence of jenova cells, he gives Sephiroth the black materia AGAIN, and meteor is summoned. Another entry on the long list of moments Cloud can look back on in shame later on in life. He falls into the lifestream and again his psyche is under attack. We know what happens afterwards, Tifa finds him, cares for him, and saves him through his feelings for her. Cloud realizes who he is, realizes he's weak, and goes after Sephiroth without lying to himself. In the end he defeats Sephiroth mentally and is supposedly rid of his direct influence.

But that doesn't mean that this mentally 17 year old is now fine, we should remember these events when analyzing ACC. Cloud has been in constant fighting/war/peril ever since he left home as a child, and is now a traumatized 17 year old in a 21 year olds body. Novels and other materials give us an insight into how Cloud thinks during these times, and how he thinks about himself. We hear him say that he's going to live because that's the only way he can atone for his sins. He talks about wanting to change, and about believing he can change because he now has Tifa. He's a man (boy) who just exited war, and wants to be positive, but is still clearly blaming himself. We see that this initially goes well, we are told that Cloud experiences peace and happiness that he's never experienced before. We're also told about the things that make it go badly, when he has to deliver flowers to the ancient city for instance. While Cloud regained the sense of who he was the belief that he wasn't good enough, that he was a failure, was never solved, if anything it was put on hold until he got his memories back, and now he is forced to deal with it.

While he is no longer directly manipulated by Sephiroth he's still suffering from PTSD and, most notably, survivors guilt. He blames himself for the deaths of Zack and Aerith in particular, and starts visiting the church. Now most people might think it's natural to avoid places that make you feel bad about yourself, but that's not how a depressed person thinks, Cloud thinks he deserves to feel badly he WANTS to punish himself, he WANTS to feel bad. He's ashamed of the moments where he's carefree and laughing with Tifa. Why should he get to be happy when Aerith and Zack are dead because of him? He shouldn't be happy, he should be in pain, he should remember them, not doing so would be an insult to their memories, he must never forget how he failed them! That's how Cloud is thinking. We know of course that this is non-sense, Aerith and Zack wouldn't want this, if anything it's this mindset that is tarnishing the memories of Aerith and Zack, but that's not how a mentally unwell person thinks. Cloud wants to atone, and thinks he finds salvation in Denzel, whom he finds at Aeriths church. He thinks that by saving this life, he can, in some way, make up for all the death he caused. Tifa has a similar belief when she finds out Denzels parents died in the plate crash. And when Denzel joins the family, and Cloud has path towards redemption in his mind, things start getting better again. Because this is the cause of the problems Cloud is having in ACC. When Nojima says:

first off, there’s the premise that things won’t go well between Tifa and Cloud, and that even without Geostigma or Sephiroth this might be the same

This is the conflict he's talking about, he's not saying "Tifa and Cloud are incompatible, it has nothing to do with Sephiroth", he's saying "if Sephiroth didn't show up during Advent children, Cloud and Tifa would still be having problems because Cloud is going through survivors guilt."

But the good times don't last, Denzel has Geostigma and Cloud cannot find a cure, Denzel....is going to die. Cloud, has failed again. Not only that, but Cloud catches Geostigma....Cloud is going to die. And THIS is why Cloud leaves in Advent children. And you have to look at this as Cloud. Cloud said he was going to live to atone for his sins, but instead he's going to die. He won't atone for his sins, even worse, he's going to leave Tifa and Marlene behind. He failed again. He couldn't protect Denzel, he potentially brought an infectious disease into their house as well. Literally all Cloud can think about is that literally everything he's ever tried has ended in failure, everyone he's ever tried to protect, he's failed at. Do you understand how easy it would be for a person like this to fall into the trap of thinking "I deserve to die", "I don't want Tifa and Marlene to see me die", "Tifa and Marlene are better off without me anyway", "they'd be happier if I weren't here". Etc. Now we know this is nonsense, but come on, how many instances have you heard of depressed people genuinely believing that their loved ones would be happier and better off if they just didn't exist? However, throughout the movie, Zack, Tifa, and Aerith, all confront Cloud, and urge him to not give up. Cloud eventually does try again, and ultimately finds redemption not by being stuck in the past, but by letting the past rest and be beautiful (a lesson Cleriths unfortunately never learned). "I never blamed you you know, not once" "I want to be forgiven. By who?" "Isn't it about time you did the forgiving?" In the end, Cloud moves on, and therefore, so do Zack and Aerith. Aerith and Zack walk into the light, Cloud plants flowers on Zacks grave, and lets Zacks buster sword rest in Aeriths church, now no longer rusting, but shining. Instead of the past being a negative reminder, Cloud lets the past be beautiful. Cloud was doing Aerith and Zack a disservice by remembering them the way he did, because it was ruining his life, it wasn't a good thing, but it did come from a good place, from a good man whose ashamed of not being good enough. Yes, it harmed Tifa, people going through these things often do hurt those around them, but it's not because they're bad people, or even weak, but because people are imperfect and Cloud has gone through hell, both internally, and externally. Are his actions really that weird or deplorable? "He didn't even go save the kids!" Yes, he's hesitant about saving the kids, why shouldn't he be? Everyone Cloud tried to protect or save, ended up maimed or worse, or as Cloud puts it: "I can't even save myself". "He left Tifa alone!" Yes, he thinks he's going to waste away and die, can you blame him for not wanting to put Tifa through that and for thinking she'd be better off without him? "He drinks!" Wouldn't you?! Who wouldn't want to forget that stuff? But in the end, He's only gone for about a week, he never intended to harm Tifa, he never physically harmed Tifa or cheated on her, his entire life revolved around wanting to be better for Tifa and blaming himself when he wasn't good enough, how is it reasonable to say this man takes Tifa for granted when the fact that he thinks he has to BE BETTER in order to be worthy of being with her has been a constant throughout his entire life and story? He DOESN'T take Tifa for granted, that's why he's beating himself up, that's why he leaves, not because he thinks he's better than her, or that he'll always have her, or that she'll follow him like a dog, or something like that. But because of the opposite, because he thinks HE is not good enough, that SHE would be better of without him. Saying Cloud takes Tifa for granted, is honestly, simply, wrong. It's 180 degrees the opposite of what is happening in FFVII, the biggest constant in Clouds life, is that he doesn't take Tifa for granted, and I don't understand how anyone could argue otherwise.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. I know it won't happen, but I do wish maybe around the fourth year anniversary of LO in March Rachel would put it on a mid-season hiatus and take a real, long break off. Maybe not a year, but definitely several months, maybe half a year at bare minimum. Going literal /years/ without a real break to just relax and recharge cannot be good physically, mentally, or emotionally, and she has enough of a dedicated fanbase that it won't hurt it's numbers. If not for the comic's sake, then for herself.

2. whats annoying to me about people being mad at "antis" is like none of these blogs or discords would even need to exist if these same people actually let real discussion and critique be allowed in the fan spaces without fear of doxxing, harassment, and threats? most of the critique isnt even particularity bad, but they act like you personally killed their mother right in front of them and force you out, then get mad people have to create blogs like this just to talk? you cant win with them.

3. Didn't realize Rachel was against fan edits of the comic. she must have gotten too jealous of how much better @nymphsupremacy is at their editing work 💀

From OP: I think RS is more against people editing/reposting any artwork she makes of the comic outside of webtoon (not all the time but most times from what I’ve seen). I can see why she’d be annoyed since some fans see her draw anything LO related and think it’s fine to edit/repost it.

Also, stan @nymphsupremacy!

4. IDK how RS has nearly 200k twitter followers yet most of her tweets a best only break about 5k likes. Same on instagram which has over 657k followers yet her posts only get about 50k likes. Like that's less than 10% of her followers on either app actually liking and engaging with her posts. Like LO fanart gets more traction than her own posts. That's just odd to me.

From OP: Tbf, that happens to a lot of artists (especially on insta). I can’t count the amount of times I’ve seen artists move accs because of the lack of engagement.

5. It might just be me but does it just seem RS seems really burned out/miserable in most of her social media posts now? Like you can just look at her old asks on this blog and see she was far more chipper in her older responses, but now recent stuff seems so blunt. Even her celebrating something good is just so devoid of joy. Episode announcements are also just like "ok go read it now" and that's about it? IDK, I just feel like she needs a serious break, especially in the New Year.

From OP: I think that has to do with the success of the comic. The bigger LO got, the more work RS has to do since she is no longer a small creator. But that’s just what I think.

6. I think the "Homer would love LO" comment is even dumber bc one) If he existed (A lot fo scholars don't think he did) he would hate every non-Greek retelling, much less LO, but more so two) Wasn't a big selling point to LO that it "reclaims mythology from the misogynistic men of ancient times" like? So why would you claim Homer, a misogynistic man from ancient times, would love it then? Isn't that exactly the person you WOULDN'T want to love your story? Shouldn't you want him to hate it instead?

7. deadass tho didnt rachel go to art school? one of the main things they do there (or tbh anny art class) is critique. its required for every project so you learn what you did wrong and to learn from it. did se seriously go her entire art education and not get critique? or was she just coddled by her teachers or something? bc it just doesnt line up.

8. girl i just read the last chapter and omg i can't believe they really did the whole "Hades baby look at me this isn't you uwu" thing 💀💀💀

9. do they want us to call out the guys too because i will. hades is easily the worst character in the whole series, he has only become worse and worse as time goes on, and his relationship to persephone is a disaster waiting to happen. thanatos was and still is abused by him. apollo is a terrible villain with zero drip. zeus isnt actually wrong. poseidon deserves better. hermes deserves better. ares looks like a rotten orange. hephaestus is not actual  disability rep no matter what rachel says.

10. LO is really heading into the 200 episode range with no end in sight. The trial still isn't even done! They haven't even touched on Semele, Eros and Psyche, Leto trying to make Apollo take down Zeus, or Kronos! Or even the main myth with Demeter! Like is that another 2-4 years of content then, if not more? When is it ever supposed to end? How is any of this supposed to wrap up without it being rushed and/or most of these plots left with no conclusion? Even HxP isn't technically together by now!

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Ice Man Job

leverage 2.08

Hardison: Jim Kerrity III. He took over Kerrity Diamonds four years ago after his old man retired, and in that small amount of time, he drove the business straight into the ground by living way beyond his means.

(Parker is restless on the couch and Eliot pushes her away from him)

Hardison: I'm talkin' drugs, booze, women.

(Parker continues to moves restlessly)

Hardison: According to his credit card statements... What? Why? What are you doin'?

Parker: What?

Eliot: What?

Parker: What?

Eliot: It's distracting.

Parker: The couch is feeling a little empty.

Nate: Eliot, will you please sit next to Parker.

Eliot: No, I'm sittin' here now.

Nate: Guys, guys. We all miss Sophie. I, we just have to adapt.

Hardison: I got this. Move, go.

(Hardison sits next to Parker on the couch)

Hardison: You happy? (picks up keyboard)

parker can’t get comfortable because she misses sophie. she’s never had friends/close family before (minus archie but that’s irrelevant) and sophie was one of her people and she doesn’t know how to cope properly when she loses them

the ot3 sitting together as they should

- - - - -

Nate: You know what, the thing about this that people don't understand is insurance fraud, it's a lot of red tape, and with a big claim like this, it'll take a year before Kerrity sees any money, and the bill collectors are not gonna wait around. He's gotta fence the diamonds.

Parker: He can't. (grabs the remote and changes the monitors)

Eliot: What do you mean?

Parker: His diamonds are GIA certified, VVS clarity, all about two carats.

Hardison: That's my clicker.

Parker: Who stole the Polar Star? (raises her hand) Who stole the Gem of Gibraltar? Damiani raid? Me. I know diamonds, and our bad guy can't fence those diamonds because stones that size have an ID number laser-inscribed on them.

Eliot: So it’s like a stolen car. Gotta clean the VIN before you can sell 'em.

Nate: How do you get that ID number off?

Parker: With a special laser. But only three guys can do it. Antwerp, Dubai, Tel Aviv

SHE KNOWS HER DIAMONDS

- - - - -

[Flashback]

Parker: Hi.

Man: Hello.

Parker: Buy me a drink?

Man: You got it. (gestures to the bartender and puts his hand on Parker’s knee) So?

(Parker grabs his fingers and breaks them, then picks up a briefcase and hits him in the chest before heading away, almost falling)

we LOVE to see parker not tolerating slimy men and hurting them when they touch her

- - - - -

Parker: Yeah, I'll be fine.

(later Parker is crouched behind the counter talking on the phone)

Parker: I will not be fine. I stabbed that guy with a fork.

[London Bar]

Sophie: Parker, Parker, relax. It's fine. Listen. Go to Nate's cupboard and you're gonna find a sexy little mini-dress and my emergency Jimmy Choos.

[Leverage HQ]

Parker: Jimmy who? You have a body in Nate's closet? (she looks excited)

[London Bar]

Sophie: Shoes, Parker. Didn't I teach you any...? All right, listen. This is the important bit. Do you still have the Rosalind Diamond you stole in Perth?

[Leverage HQ]

Parker: Yes.

[London Bar]

Sophie: Wear it. The diamond will speak for you. You won't have to say a word. This is the key to the grift. You just trust the character. Say nothing, trust the diamond.

[Leverage HQ]

Parker: I can do that. Don't tell Nate I called.

[London Bar]

Sophie: I won't.

- - - - -

bruh parker is SO HOT in that blue dress with her diamond that she stole I’m-

- - - - -

Hardison: All right. Lay the arms down, brother. He's cool.

(Eliot lets Kerrity go)

Hardison: You have to excuse my bodyguard. He's touchy. It's 'cause he's a mute.

eliot looks ready to beat hardison’s ass for a hot second

also I LOVE eliot’s little braids in his hair

- - - - -

Kerrity: What kind of thief calls himself a thief?

Hardison: An uncatchable one with a brilliant reputation. You've seen my work in Perth. The Polar Star? Nicked it. The Gem of Gibraltar? Nicked it. The Damiani raid? Distraction while I nicked everything in the vault next door. Big stones, trust me.

(behind Hardison, Parker is pacing angrily)

eliot gives her a Look™ when she looks like she’s going to interrupt hardison because he KNOWS how pissed she is

- - - - -

(Parker is at the kitchen bar, locks and picks spread out in front of her. She’s focused on picking a lock)

Eliot: Ice Man?

Hardison: Hey, I put a lot of work into that character. No, no. No, I bought new clothes, ugly as hell, too.

Eliot: This always happens when you go on the grift, Hardison.

Hardison (*): I put stories on the website.

Eliot: You go too big.

Parker: Sophie told me to say as little as possible, let the character do the work.

Nate: When did, uh, Sophie say that?

Parker: A long time ago. Maybe last Christmas. I don't even think it was Sophie.

Nate: I'm gonna go put more pressure on Kerrity. I want you guys to be on the clear-out. Ice Man, play it cool. That's just an awful, awful name.

Hardison: Genius.

Eliot: See?

Hardison: It's genius.

Eliot: When you get in too deep on this, I ain't bailin' your ass out.

Hardison: I don't need you to bail me out. I'm the Ice Man.

Eliot: Not. Gonna. Help

parker picks locks when she’s upset/annoyed/distressed and I love that continuity for her in the show

also eliot you buffoon you’ll always help hardison you’re fooling literally no one

- - - - -

Guard: There's a Mr. Sterling here from the insurance company.

LMFAO NATE YOU DIDNT

- - - - -

Eliot (on phone): I know. He's driving me crazy. How, huh? I'm backup, they can't rely on me. All right, all right. Hey, thanks. Don't tell Nate I called.

Parker: Who was that?

Eliot: Cable company

eliot is more upset than anything because he’s been put into a position where he can’t protect them as well. THATS what he’s mad enough about to call sophie about it.

also this picture meme describes the situation perfectly

- - - - -

Eliot: Whoa! Whoa! What are you people doin' here?!

Woman: We work here. Who are you?

Parker: We're with OSHA.

Eliot: We issued a class-one evacuation notice for this facility effective 24 hours ago.

Parker: This place is on lockdown for chemical exposure.

Eliot: Nobody read the memo?

Parker: Did nobody read the memo?! You, cough!

(Parker holds a pad to the woman’s mouth and she coughs into it)

Woman: What chemical?

Eliot: Given the set-up for this place, it could be a matrix of solid phase sulfates, uh, nitrates.

(Parker shows a blackened pad to the woman)

Woman: That's inside me?

Eliot: Honey, your lungs are a parking lot, sweetheart.

Parker: And in that parking lot, the diagonal lines are painted with poison.

(parker turns and looks at eliot, who shakes his head slightly in exasperation)

Eliot: People, move towards the door, all right?

Parker: Do not inhale unless you are 50 feet from the entrance. Yeah.

(all the workers leave the room)

eliot just sighing at parker’s antics is beautiful

- - - - -

Nate: All right, nice work, guys. Tomorrow, when he shows up with the diamonds, the state police will be there.

[Exterior Street]

Eliot: Why, so they can arrest Hardison's ego?

Hardison: Be cool, baby. Ice cool. Hey, who wants to go for a spin?

Eliot: Can't believe you rented a Ferrari.

Hardison: Rented?

Parker: I'll get a ride home with Eliot.

(Eliot and Parker move away and get into his truck before driving away)

Hardison: Y'all are just jealous. Oh, they just jealous, baby. Don't worry about that. Look at ya. Lookin' better than green-

okay so now we know hardison in canon owns a red ferrari convertible

- - - - -

Hardison (makes call): Yeah, yeah. Sheila, not makin' it in tonight. Yeah, work thing. Bugger all.

[Interior Van]

Sophie: Hardison? Are you calling me in character?

[Russian’s Office]

Hardison: I told you, butternut. It's work. I can't get out of it.

[Interior Van]

Sophie: What accent is that? Ooh. Ooh, you've been nabbed.

[Russian’s Office]

Hardison: Afraid so.

Sophie: Is it the mark?

Hardison: No. No, muffin, no.

[Interior Van]

Sophie: It's the goons. You oversold the part.

[Russian’s Office]

Sophie: You fell into the trap of the overzealous henchman.

[Interior Van]

Sophie: Don't worry. It happens all the time. As long as they're not Russians.

[Russian’s Office]

Hardison: It's gonna be a bit of a problem.

Sophie: It's the Russians? I'm gonna have to phone Nate.

Hardison: Uh, leave it off, crumpet.

[Interior Van]

Sophie: No, no, no, listen. Hardison—

[Russian’s Office]

Sophie: --you cannot talk your way out of Russians.

[Interior Van]

Sophie: I mean, you can stall them maybe for a bit, but whatever you do--

[Russian’s Office]

Sophie: --do not tell them you can do anything else. (hangs up)

Hardison: Smooches. Love her. (puts down phone)

- - - - -

Eliot: I had courtside seats, man. Tell Hardison if he makes it out alive, I'm gonna snap him in half.

Nate: Uh, Eliot says hi.

again, eliot, you ain’t foolin no one

- - - - -

parker sitting on the dining table,,, I love it when she perches herself on things

- - - - -

eliot is wearing a checkered/white plaid shirt with flowers on it it’s adorable

- - - - -

(Kerrity is placing a necklace on a woman’s neck)

Kerrity: Wow, that looks beautiful. Three hundred thousand dollars on your neck. (Nate knocks on the door) Oh. Amy, I'm gonna meet you at the bar, sweetie, OK? You'll earn that later. Let's go. Excellent. This had better be important.

y’all nasty

- - - - -

we love to see eliot knocking people out with one punch

+ him apologizing to the unconscious guard after

- - - - -

(Parker lays a magnetic strip over the two halves of the sensor)

Parker: This will hold them together.

Eliot (hands her a screwdriver): Electric's faster.

Parker: Vibrations will set off the seismic sensor.

(Eliot leaves the vault as Parker moves the sensors to one side and replaces them with false sensors. She then works on getting the combination)

- - - - -

Eliot buzzes Hardison in. Hardison fakes punching Eliot, who goes down. Hardison continues to fake beating Eliot up)

Eliot: Next time, I'm playing the thief.

Hardison: I'd like to hear you do an accent.

Eliot: I'd like to hear you do an accent.

Hardison: I went to Second City in Chicago.

(outside the Russian and his men watch Hardison beating Eliot)

[Vault]

(Parker writes the combination to the vault on the handle in what looks like invisible ink)

Eliot: When’d you find time between that and karate at the Y?

Hardison: You know what? Just shut up.

Parker: Shut up, guys

chaotic ot3

- - - - -

(Parker hangs on to the vault door as it swings shut, then jumps to an overhead pipe)

[Kerrity Diamonds]

(Eliot watches Parker move across the vault in a security monitor)

Eliot: Stuck it

this is cute okay, his proud lil face

- - - - -

hardison also carries a black light on his keychain ???

- - - - -

I’m sorry, I’m but a simple wlw and parker hanging upside down doing her thing is beautiful

- - - - -

[Flashback]

Hardison: Shh! Do you hear that? Diamond Jim's comin' down here. You go and stop him while I nick the diamonds.

(the Russian and his men turn to the vault doorway. Hardison backs away. Parker steps out of one of the larger boxes and pulls Hardison into it)

Hardison: Thank you, and I mean thank you, but how are we gettin' out of here?

(Parker pulls out some sort of electronic device)

Hardison: What is that?

Parker: Shh! Pull your arms in.

(the device beeps as Parker enters a code. After a moment, an explosion collapses the floor beneath them and they fall into the tunnels below where Eliot helps Parker to her feet)

Eliot: Det cord.

eliot helping them off the ground? domestic ot3

- - - - -

Eliot: What are you smilin' at? You still screwed it up.

Hardison: I'm smiling 'cause you said if I got in trouble, you wouldn't help me.

Eliot: Parker made me.

Parker: No, I didn't.

Hardison: Come on, man. Let's hug it out.

Eliot: I'm not huggin' it out, Ice Man.

Hardison: Just hug it... Just a little man love.

(Hardison puts his arm around Eliot’s shoulders. Eliot tries to push him away)

Eliot: I'm not huggin' it out with you. No...

Hardison (stands to move closer to Eliot): It’s not—

Eliot: Sit down in your stool.

Hardison: Don't make this awkward.

Eliot: What are you doin', man?

Hardison: This is uncomfortable now.

(Hardison lays his head on Eliot’s shoulder as Eliot continues to try and push him away)

Hardison: Get in the pits.

Eliot: I'm gonna break your frickin’ arm.

parker shuts eliot down immediately because eliot needs to step up for his actions

ALSO, ELIOT LEANED HIS FOREHEAD IN FOR ONE (1) SECOND. HE TOTALLY SECRETLY LOVED IT

also this meme sums up the entire episode

* sorry the script said something wrong and I don’t feel like going back to check lol

[writeyouin]

Maybe like a tfp scenario where optimus and human reader are in a relationship but keep it a secret from everyone until one day miko finds out when she catches the human giving him a cute smooch on his lips and miko takes a picture of that to show everyone else.

TFP Optimus Prime X Reader - Photo Finish

A/N – I have gone so far out of order with my requests that by this point I’m just picking up the ones that inspire me for a while.

Rating – T

Warnings – None.

Optimus held you lovingly in his servos as you pressed your head against his. It was rare the two of you got to share such a tender moment but hidden from prying eyes in his hab-suite, it was finally safe to do so. When Optimus had first asked you to be his, he warned you that the relationship would have to be kept secret so as to protect you from the dangers being with him could bring; you didn’t mind living in stolen moments for him, after all, Optimus rarely asked anything of you, the least you could do was keep a secret.

“(Y/N)…” Optimus said wistfully.

“I know,” You whispered. “You have to go.”

Optimus sighed heavily, wishing he could give you more, yet resigning himself to the fact he couldn’t.

You pecked his helm. “Stay safe out there.”

Optimus put you down carefully, making no such promise. How could he when each mission could be his last? Instead, he made a small request of you, “Go home, and get some rest. I will inform you of my return.”

“Is that a promise?” You asked with a small smile.

“You have my word,” Optimus said sincerely.

You nodded, satisfied as he escorted you out of the base where the two of you would part ways. There was no time for second glances or sweet words after the two of you left his hab-suite, for when everyone else could see you, any exchange with Optimus became a professional act.

You tried to walk slowly through the base as you made your way to Optimus’ hab-suite, but it was almost impossible to keep calm after hearing about his extensive injuries from the previous mission. Apparently, he’d barely escaped with his life after going toe-to-toe with Megatron. You supposed you should be happy he’d escaped, but truthfully, you were hurt that Optimus had broke his promise to tell you of his return. Instead, you had to hear about it second-hand from Miko over the phone. You knew you shouldn’t be angry considering the circumstances, but what else was there to feel when you were trying to stave off worry?

“Where do you think you’re going?” Ratchet said sternly from behind you, knowing full well the only room ahead of you was Optimus’.

You forced yourself not to clench up, hating that Optimus was alone and in pain with each wasted second. You didn’t dare to face Ratchet, fearing he would see your feelings written all over your face. Casually, you held a datapad in the air, “Prime asked for this. I thought I’d bring it, so Fowler didn’t come and bug him.”

Ratchet tutted indignantly. “I think not. Nobody is seeing Optimus until he recovers.”

You composed your face into a neutral expression, ready to finally face the grumpy medic. “C’mon Ratchet, what do you think will happen if Prime doesn’t get this? He’ll stop resting and come looking for it.”

Knowing how much of a workaholic Optimus was, Ratchet saw the logic in your argument. “Very well, hand it over and I’ll take it over to him.”

“What if he’s recharging? You are way too big and loud to sneak in there. He’ll never notice if I slip in and drop this off. I’ll be in and out before he notices, promise.”

Ratchet scowled, evidently not trusting you to complete the task without bothering Optimus.

“Ratchet, if you go in there and wake him up, we both know you’ll never get him to rest again.”

Reluctantly, Ratchet withdrew his servo. “Fine, but be quick,” he snapped.

“You got it,” You said, trying to keep up your act as you walked the remaining length of the hallway where Optimus was waiting.

Upon entering Optimus’ hab-suite, you weren’t surprised  to find that Optimus wasn’t resting. Instead he was hunched over his computer console, completing one of the million tasks he had as leader of the Autobots. Normally, you would have made a joke about his working habits or laughingly reprimanded him. However, you didn’t have any humour in you as your eyes traversed his body, noticing every dent, scrape, and odd patches of energon that had dried from crudely welded injuries.

Seeming to sense another presence, Optimus looked over, saying nothing when he saw you.

“Are you okay?” You asked quietly, wishing you had something better to say.

“(Y/N)…” Optimus sighed, hating that you had to see him like this.

Slowly, you padded over to him placing your hand over a recently welded cut on his leg. “Why didn’t you call me? You promised to call me. I would have been here for you.”

“I did not want to concern you.”

You shook your head angrily, “But you did, Optimus! You did! I had to hear this from Miko, and she’s vague at the best of times. Do you get that?! I heard you were injured from a kid! It should have come from you.” You didn’t really know why you were yelling, only that you couldn’t stop, and Optimus wasn’t arguing his own defence. “Look, I know we have to keep our relationship a secret from everyone else, but when did we start keeping stuff from each other? My God, say something!”

Optimus bent down, pressing a servo gently on your back, “I’m sorry.”

You huffed defeatedly, leaning into his touch, “Yeah… Me too. I didn’t mean to get worked up about it, but please, you have to tell me about stuff like this.”

Optimus withdrew his servo, unable to respond to your affections when guilt weighed so heavily upon his processor. You swallowed anxiously, sensing the change in the atmosphere, “Optimus, what’s wrong?”

“(Y/N), I believe that we need to talk.”

You nodded slowly, hoping that meant something different in Cybertronian terms than it did in human terms. “Okay.”

“I am…” Optimus searched for the right word to convey his feelings. “Concerned about your welfare. During my time on your planet, it has to my attention that humans put a great deal of effort into cultivating relationships that will last a lifetime. It would be selfish of me to remain with you when I cannot provide the lifestyle you deserve.”

“Optimus,” You breathed. “Are you breaking up with me?”

“Please, let me finish, you need to hear this. When I asked to be with you, I was being selfish, yet you complied. I then requested you keep the relationship secret and you agreed. I know if I asked anything of you now, you would say yes. When will the point come that I ask too much of you, presuming I haven’t already? You should not have to live a lie on my account.”

You shook your head, smiling adoringly at Optimus, your reaction shocking him completely. “I’d rather have every stolen moment I can get with someone I love than a lifetime with someone faking it.”

Optimus’ spark jolted, sending shivers up his spine at your declaration of love.

You bit your lip, backing away to the door, “I uh… I see I’ve given you a lot to think about, so I’ll leave you to get some rest. Goodbye Optimus.”

Optimus stood frozen in time, completely shut off from the world around him. He tried to put himself in your position but found himself unable to. He could never admit he loved you if you tried to break up with him, mainly because it would have broken him too much to hear. On top of that, he felt the familiar sense of selfishness that he so often got where you were concerned.

He called your name, limping out into the hallway after you. He expected that you might be long gone after such an awkward interaction, but as it turned out, he needed only to take a few steps out, finding you leaning against the wall with your head in your hands. You looked up tiredly, fearing that he’d come to end things once and for all.

His face became an expression of pure seriousness as he said, “I love you too.”

“Don’t run in the hallways Miko,” Miko said, immaturely imitating Ratchet’s stern voice. “Don’t be reckless Miko. Stop getting in the way Miko. Be quiet M-”

Miko stopped her sarcastic commentary, upon seeing you and Optimus in the hallway ahead of her. Optimus held you on his servo where you stood, kissing him ardently; by the looks of your tousled hair and flushed cheeks, the two of you had been at it for a while.

Miko rushed to grab her phone from her pocket, just in time to snap a picture before you and Optimus pulled apart, whispering in hushed tones. Miko crept away, admiring her picture and thinking about a lot of instances wherein you and Optimus had been together that were only now making sense. She couldn’t wait to tell the others about it and was going to wait for nothing to do so. The second she thought you and Optimus wouldn’t see her, she ran off, calling for the others.

While Miko raved about her photo to a group of startled Autobots and humans alike, Optimus placed you gently on the ground, wincing from his injuries on the way back up.

“I wish I didn’t have to go,” You said sorrowfully.

Optimus nodded solemnly, “Me too. May I escort you back?”

“No. You have to get some rest. Goodbye Optimus. I love you.”

“And I you, with all my spark.”

You gave a small wave, leaving him alone in the hallway as you made your way to the main room of the base where you would call upon a ground-bridge to take you home. You didn’t pay much attention to the conversation everyone was in, but you did notice when a sudden hush came over the room at your entry. All eyes and optics were on you, making you feel you’d done something wrong, though you couldn’t imagine what.

“Hey uh… Is something wrong?” You asked your new-found audience, looking from one face to another. Bulkhead and Jack were shifting uncomfortably, unsure of what to say, Bumblebee was making a series of clicks and whistles that Raf was unwilling to translate, Arcee simply stared at you as if impressed by you, Miko was grinning smugly, and Ratchet was shaking with undeniable fury.

It was Ratchet who broke first. He pointed an accusatory digit at you, growling, “You!”

“Me?” You forced a smile, fearing whatever was to come next in the mystery you had stumbled into.

“HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?!”

“Excuse me? I’m sorry, but what are you-”

“YOU AND OPTIMUS!”

“Me and-” You paled, looking to the others for help, but nobody said anything, each clearly waiting for some kind of explanation. “OPTIMUS,” You called, hoping he’d hear your distress and come running.

“DO NOT AVOID THE QUESTION!”

“OPTIMUS, GET IN HERE NOW!”

It took a minute but Optimus half-limped-half-ran into the bunker, clearly looking for some kind of attack. He glanced around, confused by the way everyone was looking at him and you.

“(Y/N), has there been some kind of problem?” Optimus asked curiously.

“Oh, I’d say so. They know about us.”

“About us?”

“Yes Optimus, about us.”

Optimus took another look at everyone’s faces, realisation dawning on him. He knew this was going to take some explaining, yet he didn’t know where to start. He glanced down at you, checking if you were okay and silently begging your help.

“Okay,” You sighed. “It’s kind of a long story, but if you let us explain, then you can chime in at the end.”

After an arduous discussion with multiple questions, an awful telling off from Ratchet, and many inappropriate jokes from Miko who you’d found to be the culprit, you and Optimus were finally free to recover in his hab-suite.

You stared guiltily at him, wondering exactly what this meant for the two of you. It was only a few hours ago that he was ready to break up with you, where did this put your relationship now? You found that you couldn’t sit and wait in the thoughtful silence Optimus had set.

“So… That could have gone better,” You said anxiously.

Optimus hummed stoically.

“I um- I can leave if you want. You clearly need your rest, and I’m just getting in the way of that.”

“This will change things,” Optimus commented pensively.

“Yes. Yes, it will.” You searched Optimus’ optics for answers or a hint of the future, “Optimus, is everything okay between us?”

Optimus looked at you as if he was seeing you for the very first time. The more people that knew about the two of you, the more danger you would be in. He wondered if he could put you in that kind of danger just to be with you, yet as he reached absently for you, he knew the answer.

“(Y/N), would you do me the honour of staying here tonight? I do not want to see you leave just yet.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Before, your secret relationship limited how much you could see Optimus and the opportunity to stay over had never come up. You smiled, fighting away emotional tears, “The honour is all mine.”

“I love you,” He said for the third time that day, growing to love how it sounded.

“Not as much as I love you.”

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[wanderingaunt]

The Vulnerability in Asking

*This post was inspired by Marsha Shandur of Yes, Yes Marsha! After attending True Stories (Told Live) Toronto! on Zoom this evening. There were some captivating storytellers who dug deep and inspired to write stories for this blog post.

I walked into the kitchen and found an empty Instant Carnation coffee tin.

“This will be perfect,” I thought.

I left the room with my tin in hand and walked into the office. I took a white piece of paper and cut a small rectangle from it. I took a pen out and wrote the words “Donations” on the outside of it. I taped the paper to the outside of the tin and smiled.

“This will be perfect.”

I was probably 7 or 8 at the time. I knew all of the neighbors in our neighborhood and visited with them throughout the week. I collected my tin and eagerly stepped out the door. I walked around the neighborhood and went door to door knocking. Neighbors would open the door, and I would hold out my donations tin. Knowing me, I probably had some sort of speech planned that enrolled the neighbors in why it would benefit them to donate to my cause. My cause is still foggy in my memory. Regardless, I had a cause and thought my neighbors could support it financially.

House by house, my tin begin to fill with more and more change. When my tin was full, I closed the plastic lid on the container and skipped back home. I was so excited! I had collected so much change. I couldn’t wait to show my Mom.

Now this is the part of the story, where I’m not totally clear on the exact details, so I’ll share what I remember as stored in my memory.

I ran home and opened the door and showed my Mom my tin full of coins. I was so excited that people had actually given me money! Rather than being excited for me and cheering me on, I saw a look of horror pour across my Mom’s face. Suddenly I got the notion that what I had done was not okay. It was not okay for me to Ask for money, especially money from neighbors.

I was immediately filled with shame.

“It’s not okay to Ask for money.” Got it. I stored that message deep in my mind.

Fast-forward to a few years later. My Great Aunt Mimi had just come to town for her annual visit. I loved when Mimi came. She would play with us, read to us, and buy us toys. Neither my Great Aunt Mimi nor Uncle Charlie ever married or had children of their own. They would treat my Mom and her sisters as their children. As such, they would often take care of certain financial needs. Thanks to Mimi and Charlie, I was able to get braces, get new school clothes, and receive money for various trips or school activities.

When Mimi arrived, I was beyond excited. I couldn’t wait to receive Licorice Nips hard candy, and of course receive new toys! I always had this view that Mimi and Charlie were rich. “Rich” to a child is often different from reality. I don’t know what their exact financial situation was, but in my eyes they were wealthy. As such, that meant they had money to spare. I remember going into Mimi’s room while she was visiting. She had asked me to get her wallet from her purse. For whatever reason, likely out of curiosity, I picked up Mimi’s wallet and opened it. My eyes grew big. I saw a lot of cash tucked away in the wallet. I pulled it out and began to count. I was amazed. Mimi carried a lot of cash with her. I put the cash back in and carried it off to find Mimi. When I handed her the wallet, I said, “Woh! You have XXX dollars in your wallet!” I don’t remember the exact amount, but I’m sure it was more cash that I had held before.

Once again, I was taken aback. Mimi got this look of being violated on her face which then turned into anger. In her thick Jersey accent, Mimi looked at me and exclaimed, “You went through my wallet?! Did I tell you that you could open my wallet? Why did you think it was okay to count my cash?”

I was mortified and filled with shame.

“What were you thinking?? You never go through someone’s wallet and ask about how much money they have.” Got it. I stored that message deep in my mind.

These are two stories that have shaped my view of money and asking.

Lesson #1: It’s not okay to Ask other people for money.

Lesson #2: It’s not okay to Ask others how much money they have, and by all means never count it!

Shame became my underlying theme for my relationship to Money.

I stored these memories deep in my psyche. It wasn’t until a few months ago that these memories resurfaced while in meditation. It was towards the end of my yearlong coaching program. As part of our Retreat Leader Certification, we had to submit various calls and videos. When I first looked at the criteria for the certification, I remembered seeing “Submit a Successful Sales Call”. My heart sank. “How in the world am I going to submit a successful sales call?” I thought. Fear immediately consumed me. I naturally pushed my sales call off week after week.

Consider what you resist most is actually what you’re meant to lean into.

In March, I attended my final in-studio yoga class right before Stay at Home orders began. It was my favorite Soulful Sunday class with my favorite yoga teacher, Dustin. Dustin likes to crank the heat up in class so we’re already sweating before we start moving. Dustin always pushes us to our limit and reminds us how powerful we are. In that particular class, he guided us into this really challenging heart opening pose. It was similar to Camel pose except one leg was hovering off the ground. Camel is challenging on its own, and having to hover our legs made it all the more challenging. It is also a “Fight or Flight” pose which opens your heart and tests your very limit. I got into the pose on the first side, and was consumed with anxiety.

“I’m going to die! I’m going to die!” I shouted in my head.

I got out of the pose on my right side and caught my breath. When we got to the pose on the other side, I allowed myself to try again. I got into the pose once again, and felt the rush, anxiety, and emotion consume me. I got out of the pose and collapsed face down onto my mat and began crying.

“You’re not going to die. It’s okay. You’re okay. You’re not going to die.” I thought in my head.

In that instance I realized, “This is what Asking feels like to me.”

Asking feels like I’m going to die.

I thought back on my life and recognized how not Asking or fearfully asking has impacted me. Asking is extremely vulnerable for me. And, at the core of Asking, is shame.

And it isn’t only with money. Asking for anything has hindered me. After making decisions as a child that “it’s not okay to ask for money”, I took this to heart. I decided that since it wasn’t okay to Ask, I would become self-sufficient and do everything on my own. I became a pro early on. I learned to take care of myself. If I needed money, I would earn it myself. When I started my period as a tween, I was too ashamed to ask my Mom or sisters for tampons, so I figured it out myself. When I wanted to do something and needed to ask permission, I would come up with some long story to enroll the other person in it. Even asking for simple things at my former job like, “Can I take a day off or go on vacation?”, was extremely difficult for me. I would add in humor to make the request seem less daunting. And let’s forget about asking for a raise. Luckily, I had a boss who would take a stand for me and ensure I got periodic raises. “Wooh, off the hook there.”

At the core of Asking, is the answer, “No.”

At least that was what I built in my head. If I asked for something, the answer would ultimately be No. So why ask? I learned to get clever at my leasing job. I would sell customers on my experience living at the apartment community, rather than asking them if they wanted to lease. So you can imagine what it was like when I decided to quit my job, go on my nomadic journey, and start my own business.

I would eventually have to confront my fear and shame around Asking.

Solo-traveling the world has supported me in learning to flex my muscle around Asking. However, it’s usually the last resort. I try every way to figure out the problem on my own before resorting to asking someone. The more I’ve enhanced my intuition and awareness, the better I’ve become moving through my discomfort around Asking.

So back to my Retreat Leader certification and having to submit a successful sales call. I was terrified. All of my anxiety and shame around Asking for money resurfaced. One of my coach’s support team members offered to do sales calls with us. I was excited because, I didn’t have to offer an invitation to potential clients. I had my call with Janet and felt a bit spacey, but pleased after the fact. I was proud of myself for showing up and taking on the challenge. When I got my score back, I saw that I failed the sales call portion. 3 out of 10. In the notes, my coach wrote: “I want you to spend one FULL DAY in which you cannot TELL anyone anything, you can only ask.”

Gulp.

I immediately broke into tears. Not only had I failed this portion and had to redo it, I now was challenged with only ASKING for a day?! Once again “Fight or Flight” took over, and I felt like I was going to die. Maybe this was my sign that this certification wasn’t for me. Who was I for thinking I could complete and pass this anyway? After a good 30-minute cry, I went downstairs and told my sister what happened. My sister who is oversees a division of the Introduction Leadership Program for Landmark Worldwide, validated my upset and asked me if she could share something with me. I said yes. She looked at me and said she has witnessed many people she’s coached up against a wall; a wall in which the person felt like they wouldn’t be able to break through.

The moment a person accepts a challenge and chooses to show up fully (with fear and all the emotions attached), is the moment that magic happens.

She told me this challenge alone could be the reason I was called to enroll in this coaching program in the first place.

I chose to accept my coach’s challenge and only ASK for a day. It was quite a challenge and practice! I constantly had to pause and be mindful about forming questions rather than telling anyone anything. I persevered and made it a whole 24 hours with only asking questions. I was super proud of myself for moving through my fear and resistance, accepting the challenge, and showing up fully for it. I do thrive off of challenges, after all.

In the end, I had a successful sales call (with my coach nonetheless) and passed my Retreat Leader Certification! I even got a sale from it! This challenge taught me to view Asking from a different lens.

When we ask questions, we’re taking the attention off of ourselves and allowing space for the other person to decide.

I share these stories as a way to connect my resistance around Asking, and to share the heavy interpretations about Money and Asking that I’ve carried with me. Asking for money, a sale, or offering my services is still a block for me. I am working through it, and want to acknowledge that it’s still present for me at times. I have a beautiful website. I have a beautiful offering of services that I truly believe will change the world one person at a time. I have created beautiful art through my photoshoots and writing. When you see me post about a new offering or service, know that I have to move through many barriers to allow these spirited offerings to be known.

I offer anyone else who struggles with Asking or has shame around money, to take heart. You are not alone. Allow yourself to acknowledge your discomfort, create a mantra or say some affirmations about your worthiness, and step out into the light. It may be scary. It may feel personal when no one responds, or someone says, “No.” Keep showing up. Believe in yourself and your offerings or desires, and trust that the right people will come. Ask for support from others when you’re feeling scared, stuck or full of shame.

Host a Girl’s Night Inward

In August, I am on a mission to impact 100 people by Asking for people to host a Girl’s Night Inward. Girl’s Night Inward is a fun and enchanting evening for your tribe to come together in safe space for individual oracle card readings. We live in a world where at the core of our being, we all want to be seen and heard. Girl’s Night Inward provides a safe space for you and your tribe to be seen and receive messages tailored to each specific person. Would you consider being a host and inviting your tribe for a unique, fun, and enchanting evening via zoom? Send me a message or if you know you’re ready to host, reserve your spot here.

Love Donation

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[frederickwiddowson]

Genesis 1:1 comments continued: How do you know that God exists?

The second question that begs itself is, “How do you know that God exists?”

There have been lots of arguments in history regarding God’s existence. There is everything from Pascal’s Wager. It goes like this in a shortened way. If I believe in God and He doesn’t exist I won’t know because I will cease to exist. If you don’t believe in God and He does exist, you’re fried.

There have been arguments from Aesthetics, Desire, Conscience, the Moral Argument, the Ontological Argument, and on and on for thousands of years. But, really, the argument for God’s existence breaks down to where we live. The most important proof of God’s existence is that there is something rather than nothing and since stuff doesn’t create itself it had to be created, and that’s where God comes in.

Of course, faith cannot be based on this idea. Faith is based on your experience with Him and on the truth of what He has said in His book. Not only have I encountered a risen Saviour in prayer, Bible reading, answered prayer, and in the creation and reality around me but I completely trust His book containing His ministry of reconciling mankind to Himself. I have no doubts. God speaks to my heart through His book changing me without me hearing words in my ear but working on me from the inside in His special way.

You may not find me a credible witness. Unbelievers become adamant, raving even, that as a person of faith you are a lunatic, or weak, or small-minded. They cannot accept that a perfectly rational scientist, businessman, or scholar of any type could believe in and love a God who has not revealed Himself to them.

These are things outside of our personal experience with God, a personal experience that no unbeliever can understand or accept unless God Himself touches their hearts, that suggest or even prove His existence.

Let’s take something as complex as life. The astronomer Sir Fred Hoyle was born in Yorkshire, England on June 24, 1915. He was conferred a master's degree from Cambridge in 1939 and then was elected Fellow, St. John's College, Cambridge in the same year. He worked his way to become a Professor of Astrophysics and Natural Philosophy in 1958. He was a leading contributor in the discovery of how the elements from lithium to iron are synthesized inside stars.

Professor N. Chandra Wickramasinghe was born in Colombo, Sri Lanka, on January 20, 1939, studied astrophysics at Cambridge, and was a student of Hoyle's. He received a Ph.D. in 1963 taught at Cambridge. He later became a Professor of Applied Mathematics and Astronomy at the University College, Cardiff, Wales. He is an expert in the use of infrared astronomy to study interstellar matter.

These are no lightweights although Wickramasinghe has gone a little bonkers in the last few years. But, they both came to the logical atheist conclusion that life came from outer space. Why? Because it was impossible for it to have happened by random chance on earth, not in 15 billion years or a hundred billion years. Let me read you a quote published recently by Dr. Wick…

“Improbability of Life

The blueprint for all life from bacteria to plants to animals was discovered in the 1950s by Watson and Crick to reside in DNA – in particular in the precise arrangements of the nucleotides A,G,T,C that effectively code for proteins that in turn control cell function. In a series of books and articles published in collaboration with the late Sir Fred Hoyle, I have argued that highly specific arrangements needed for the operation of living cells cannot be understood as arising from random processes. For the simplest bacterium (Mycoplasma genitalium) the probability that its few hundred genes will be discovered by random shuffling of their amino acid components gives a figure of 1 in 10 to the 1000th power or smaller. Hoyle and I have compared such horrendous improbabilities to the odds against a ‘tornado blowing through a junk yard leading to self-assembly of BOEING 707 airplane.’”[1]

1 in 10 to the 1000th? These types of scientists estimate there is only 10 to the 80th power number of atoms in the universe. Saying that life came about by random processes is like me saying that I’m getting handsomer, wealthier, and smarter as I get older. You would just look at me and go, what? I’m joking, right? But, scientists who believe in spontaneous generation, I mean abiogenesis, or life by accident are serious.

So, proof that God exists, step one. Life could not have happened on earth by chance. It’s not mathematically conceivable, not by any stretch of your Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Dr. Who imagination. But, what about it coming from somewhere else? That’s called panspermia and that’s what Dr. Wick believes in.

Well, NASA scientists Peter D. Ward and Donald Brownlee, in their book, Rare Earth: Why Complex Life is Uncommon in the Universe, explained that it is also highly unlikely that life came from someplace else as this planet, located where it is, is the best and most likely place for life to exist and, in fact, probably could not exist anywhere else.

So, proof that God exists, step two. Life could not have happened anywhere but on earth. But, it couldn’t happen here by chance. So, something else, or someone else rather, must be happening than mere material processes randomly achieved, or if you don’t like my use of the word random, then how about without purpose or intent, by accident.

Who could it be?

You know if they could have proven that life could have come together by random events on earth like Miller-Urey’s experiment tried to do and failed in the 1950s it would be astounding. But, you’d have to have nothing and then have something suddenly come into existence for it to simulate God without God. After all, Miller-Urey made something happen with the equipment and chemicals they introduced making themselves in the place of God. But, they did not create life and established conditions that evolutionists do not believe were present in their fantasy of early earth anyway. So, it worked as a publicity stunt but was not good science.

Then, there was Dr. Wimmer in the latter part of the twentieth century who supposedly made a virus out of synthetic DNA. Now he admitted in an interview that he did not create life as a virus isn’t alive, it can’t reproduce itself and needs a host, and he used synthetic DNA.

None of these experiments or any other created life or proved that it could be created by random processes without an intelligent mind involved.

So, now you have the gorilla in the living room. You have something as complex as life and you shouldn’t have it if there were no one to inject their intelligence into it. Life isn’t possible without God.

You have the atheist or the doubter demanding, “How do you know God exists?” and you have your own testimony, if you have one, and you have this incontrovertible fact, “Because without God life could not exist.”

You see, we are not just alive. We are aware that we are alive. Science has a huge problem with conscious self-awareness. Step three to proving that God exists. I am.

It has been said repeatedly that consciousness is the window through which we understand. Science has failed to pinpoint the actual brain processes that are behind our awareness. Some neuroscientists and philosophers of science express a deep pessimism that we will ever find an explanation for consciousness. But we know. Every car mechanic or customer service rep, a farmer or bank teller can know what a neuroscientist does not know. We know where consciousness comes from, that function of our spirit.

Zechariah 12:1 ¶  The burden of the word of the LORD for Israel, saith the LORD, which stretcheth forth the heavens, and layeth the foundation of the earth, and formeth the spirit of man within him.

Scientists say that a good theory, a theory that must supplant other theories, doesn’t have to answer every question. But it must answer more questions than its competitors. The belief in God answers far more questions than theoretical science can even come up with.

God is the greatest of all self-aware beings.

Exodus 3:14  And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

He made us. He formed our bodies, our souls, and our spirits. In these verses are all three; body, spirit, and soul.

Genesis 2:7  And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.

1Thessalonians 5:23  And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.

He uses our spirit to see us from the inside.

Proverbs 20:27  The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.

We are made self-aware and our soul is the seat of our self-identity and will and our spirit makes us aware of it, of God, and of all things. It is our understanding, our skills, our drives, our emotions, our yearnings.

It is sad that the atheist or doubter will question your testimony as to whether or not you are a credible witness for God’s existence. That was how I came to Christ, the mechanism He used, the testimony of others. I vacillated between atheism, happy to believe in any religion at all, and really, God just being irrelevant to my life or thinking. But, over time I saw the truth of Christianity in the lives of people around me.

No, it wasn’t because of someone screaming Bible verses at me on a street corner. It wasn’t from someone handing me a gospel tract. It was the testimony of Christians, filled with faith and goodness, relying completely on God for their very survival, trusting in Christ’s righteousness and not their own for eternal life. Their faith was real, and it took time but God impressed on me that reality until I accepted it myself and received Christ on March 19, 1986. It was a Wednesday evening I believe.

The question of whether or not God exists has been a subject of deep philosophical debate for thousands of years. But, even outside of our experience we know.

Psalm 19:1  The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.

The proof of God’s existence is all around us. Without God’s existence no reality makes sense for very long.

Ask yourself, if there was no God, then why is there something rather than nothing? Why is something as complex as life here in this space of earth?  If God doesn’t exist why do I know that I am? Where did that come from, o’ wise one? How can we have this conversation?

The universe is finely tuned, so finely tuned that something as rare and fragile as life can live in it. Things like the ratio of the strength of electromagnetism to the strength of gravity for a pair of protons, nuclear efficiency of fusion from hydrogen to helium, the density parameter, the cosmological constant, and a bunch of other intelligent sounding stuff make many scientists insist that the universe is just so and because of that you, me, and that little chipmunk you saw on your deck this morning can exist.

Other scientists invent all sorts of nonsensical things to counteract this belief. They will resurrect the multidimensions of the occult of the late 1800s which impacted theoretical physics then and say there is a multiverse, many universes where things are different and anything is possible. I might even be handsomer, wealthier, and smarter on one of them, in their imagination only of course.

But, the universe is fine-tuned. Now, how does something get tuned? Have you ever seen a radio tune itself? Never mind. In today’s world I suppose that is possible. But, at some point a person was involved; an engineer or someone to tune that radio. How do you think the universe was tuned so close and exact? Who did it? Who maintains it? We all know that if you leave your car in the driveway without maintaining it for thirty years the tires will rot and it will become undriveable. The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that all things fall apart. Oh, and there is this;

Colossians 1:17  And he is before all things, and by him all things consist.

Scientific papers have expressed alarm at the harmful mutations produced in each generation of people. One of them was entitled, “Contamination of the Genome by Very Slightly Deleterious Mutations: Why Have We Not Died 100 Times Over?” But, we’re here, our biology is preserved, life goes on and the planet is not yet cold and dead.

Again, I say ask yourself, if there was no God, then why is there something rather than nothing? Why is something as complex as life here in this space of earth?  If God doesn’t exist why do I know that I am? Why is the universe so finely tuned as to permit us to exist?

You know, our government has spent millions of dollars searching for extraterrestrials, life on other planets, even microbial. They will continue to do so but will probably never find it. The scientific community has a hunger, a lust, to overthrow God. They are searching for microbes and water on Mars.

In the Rosetta Mission they recently learned that water in space can be vastly different than water on earth so they feel confident in at least admitting that our water didn’t come from comets. But, they will keep searching, hoping to be able to drive the nail in the coffin for belief in the God of the Bible.

There are two other things that scream the truth of the existence of God. One is the very desperate desire to prove beyond all doubt that He does not. Let me read you part of the short religious history of man that God has provided in Romans.

Romans 1:19 ¶  Because that which may be known of God is manifest in them; for God hath shewed it unto them. 20  For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse: 21  Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,

 And in another context an ancient warning;

 Isaiah 66:4  I also will choose their delusions, and will bring their fears upon them; because when I called, none did answer; when I spake, they did not hear: but they did evil before mine eyes, and chose that in which I delighted not.

 Remember what King David thought of atheists in about 1000 BC.

 Psalm 14:1  « To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David. » The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.

 Finally, evolutionary biologists admit an astounding thing. Belief in God, according to some of them, is hard-wired into the human brain. A neuroscientist and the author of several books, Andrew Newberg, wrote a book entitled Why God Won’t Go Away: Brain Science and the Biology of Belief. He is called a neurotheologist, studying how religious belief and prayer affect the brain.

 On page 129 he wrote, “…evolution has adopted this machinery, and has favored the religious capabilities of the religious brain because religious belief and behaviors turn out to be good for us in profound and pragmatic ways.”

 As evolutionists often do he refers to evolution as he does in other places with natural selection almost as a god in itself rather than just a process or a mechanism by which new species of dog, cat, or deer are produced by environmental stresses or opportunities or human cross-breeding efforts (There are more than two dozen scientific definitions of species.) The fact is that all of the genetic information necessary for a creature to adapt to its environment are present within the creature’s DNA and no dog ever became a cat and no alligator ever became a trout. But, Newberg, like other of his ilk, refer to evolution as a sort of inert god who unfeelingly adopts and favors in the passage I quoted. In a preceding page he refers to natural selection as not tolerating something. So, it is almost humorous to see how these kinds of scientists use language, at the least, in a very interesting way.

 Susan Mazur, a science writer and journalist who doesn’t appear to be a fundamental Baptist (said in a tongue-in-cheek manner), wrote in her book The Altenberg 16: An Expose’ of the Evolution Industry that, “Evolutionary science is as much about posturing, salesmanship, stonewalling and bullying as it is about actual scientific theory.” (v)

So, to summarize, if you want to look outside of your own experience for proof that God exists I suggest starting with life. There are many other topics we could talk about that prove or at least suggest His existence but for brevity sake let’s review the points I’ve made.

 One, there is something rather than nothing and since space dust did not create itself then something or someone did. Two, life could not have begun here on earth and probably not on some distant planet by chance. Some intelligent being had to create it. Three, self-awareness and consciousness imply a reality greater than the physical universe. Four, we are apparently “hard-wired” to believe in God. It is part of our make-up.

 We believe in God because He has communed with our spirit so that we can. We experience Him in our prayer and in the answers to it, the way the Bible speaks to us, in the truth found in it, the way He molds and changes us by our reading and hearing it read, by the reality arounds us that is confirmed in the Bible, and by His miraculous intervention in our lives.

[1] Chandra Wickramasinghe & Robert Bauval, Cosmic Womb: The Seeding of Planet Earth (Rochester, Vermont:Bear & Co., 2017), Kindle ed., chap. 1.