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mypoisonedvine · 4 years

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Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 6)

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5)

series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself. except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.

word count: 5.1k

warnings: smut (in the form of road head lmao) plus some more implied smut and teasing and stuff, use of 'y/n' which is perfectly fine but it still makes me anxious cause I've never done it before, other than that just fluff and celebrity/PR stuff

You tilted your head slightly as you watched Bucky emerge from the pool, slicking his wet hair back out of his face, body dripping with cool droplets that sparkled in the afternoon sunlight.

Yeah, you were never going to get tired of this view.

“See somethin’ you like?” he grinned as he grabbed a towel and rubbed it over his hair before lowering it to dab off his shoulders and torso, his dog tags jingling lightly when he bumped against them.

“Yeah, why don’t you come over here and put that body on me?” you purred. He chuckled and stepped closer, tossing the damp towel aside before leaning down to climb onto your pool chair and hover above you; the dog tags hung low and tickled your stomach, making you giggle a little.

“I don’t know that I should, I actually have a girlfriend…” he explained, feigning hesitance as you sat up slightly to nibble at his jaw.

“You know, a lot of couples have a ‘celebrity pass,’ and I just so happen to be a celebrity… do you two have one of those?”

“Maybe we do,” he replied nonchalantly, raising an eyebrow.

“Who’s yours?”

“This really hot girl I saw once, in this really crappy movie,” he winked.

“Hey!” you laughed, shoving him back. “Which one of my movies is crappy?”

“What makes you think you’re the hot girl I’m talking about?” he countered.

“Oh, you’re really trying to get yourself in trouble.”

“Just to be clear— we’re not going to have any celebrity passes, right?" he frowned. "Because you know a lot of famous people and I don’t like those odds.”

You scoffed. “Definitely not.”

“Good. I can only handle one famous woman at a time anyways,” he chuckled.

He, meanwhile, would never get tired of waking up beside you, holding you before you were even really aware of anything yet, feeling you stir in his arms and snuggle up close to his chest.

“Bucky…” you mumbled sleepily into his shoulder.

“Yeah?” he whispered, smiling a little as your eyes fluttered but didn’t really open.

You just hummed and shifted again, looking so peaceful that he couldn’t help but kiss your forehead. “Mornin’, beautiful,” he purred.

And there was the best part of every morning: when you opened your eyes and looked up at him for the first time, and you smiled— actually smiled at the sight of him. He couldn’t remember the last time somebody was this happy to see him. He couldn’t imagine what he’d ever done to deserve it.

“Hi,” you greeted coyly.

“Hey there,” he grinned back. His eyebrow raised when he felt your foot delicately trail up the back of his leg, your hips beginning to straddle his. “Got somethin’ on your mind, pretty girl?”

“Maaaaybe…”

He chuckled, always impressed (in the best possible way) by your insatiability. “Already?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, “had a dream about you.”

“Care to enlighten me?” he prodded, rubbing your back with his metal hand.

“You had me bent over the bed…” you began, voice a bit lower than normal.

“Good start.”

“In my trailer," you finished.

“Oh, you’re filming in this dream?”

“Well, we weren’t filming right then," you grinned, and Bucky clenched his jaw just imagining the idea of filming you while he fucked you. Much too risky when celebrity sex tapes always seem to end up leaking, but a fun thought nonetheless. "But you made me promise to keep quiet in case somebody heard us. Said you didn’t want anybody else to know how I sound when I come.”

He smirked. “Seems like something I would say.”

“But really I liked the idea of everybody overhearing and knowing how good you make me feel… I want them all to know I’m yours.”

“Sounds like a nice dream,” he smirked, shivering slightly when you leaned in to start kissing his neck and jaw.

“Feel like making my dreams come true, stud?” you purred.

“Yes,” he admitted tensely, “but we don’t have time. You have a meeting at 9, remember?”

“No no no, we have time,” you assured. “We both know how fast you can make me come.”

“No point in doing something if you’re not gonna do it right,” he frowned, “and I don’t have time to do it right.”

“You really are just completely against quickies, aren’t you?”

“Morally and religiously, yes," he announced firmly as he puffed up his chest.

“Religiously?” you repeated with an eyeroll.

“Making you come at least three times is sacred,” he explained. “I worship your body. The shapes I make with my tongue on your clit? I’m spelling out my prayers.”

“You do spend a lot of time on your knees,” you remembered.

“Yeah, well, so do you,” he winked. “But you really do need to get up. And I need to shower before I go warm the car up.”

“Fine," you groaned, wrenching yourself out of his grasp and hopping out of bed.

"That's the spirit," he laughed, getting up with you and starting his own morning routine.

He had to keep you in check to make sure you were ready on time, but with a little encouragement he was able to get you in the car with even some time to spare. And since it was just the two of you and you weren't going to be seen getting out of the car, you could ride passenger and be closer to him.

"What's this meeting about again?" he asked as he took the car around the driveway and out of the front gate, starting the commute to the address you'd given him.

"Director wants me for a project, we're gonna talk about her vision and see if it's a good fit."

"Have you seen a script yet?" he asked, hoping that you'd let him take a look at it if you had.

"No, it's still being written, but the concept sounds amazing. I'll tell you all about it after the meeting," you promised.

He checked the estimated arrival time on the GPS screen and noticed it was even faster than he anticipated.

"Hey, we've got some room for error— do you wanna stop for breakfast?" he offered.

"I want breakfast, but I don't wanna stop," you decided.

"What, like drive-through?" he asked, but then you suddenly reached across the console and slid your hand over his thigh and right over his groin. "Oh, fuck."

You smirked as you leaned in a little bit, resting your head on his shoulder as he started to grow hard in your palm. "Keep your eyes on the road, okay?"

"O-okay," he nodded a little, shifting in his seat to make it easier for you to undo his belt and fly.

You reached into his boxers and wrapped your fingers around his shaft— even just that made him shiver and blink a few times to try to focus on driving. Your fingers were a little cold but it was welcome relief considering he was suddenly burning up.

A few strokes were enough to get him fully hard, and it took a deep breath to keep him together as you leaned your head down into his lap, giving a slow lick right over his tip. "Fuck," he whispered under his breath, but you definitely heard it because he could feel your smirk as you kissed up and down his length.

Just when he was about to beg for it, you wrapped your lips around him and sucked, gentle at first but slowly getting more aggressive as he fought the urge to buck up into your mouth.

"Oh god," he sighed, head falling back onto the headrest. Your tongue swiped over his slit where precum had gathered already, and it was just another reminder that you'd already found all his most sensitive places and planned to use them against him whenever you could.

A little hum echoing in your throat vibrated through his cock, making him hiss a little as you started to set your pace of bobbing up and down and stroking what you couldn't fit in your mouth. Little drops of your spit rolled down the shaft to his balls and if he wasn't trying to hard to look at the other cars on the road he would've let his eyes roll back in his head.

Finally, a red light gave him a chance to take his hands off the wheel and grab your hair, stroke your back, hold your face— he didn't really care what, he just needed to touch you.

"Baby," he groaned, "fuck, you're so good… keep sucking my cock, just like that, oh my god—"

A car horn tore him from the moment and made him realize the light had turned green. One hand quickly shot up to steer as he let his foot up off the brake, breathing through his teeth as you sucked him harder and deeper.

Just as he put his foot on the gas, you took him down your throat until your lips met with the very base of him, and the shock made his leg jerk and sent the car lurching forward.

You were laughing a little as you pulled off of him, still stroking his soaking wet length as you popped up to glance out the windshield and then up at him. "Drive much?"

"All the time," he defended breathlessly, "but, uh, not usually like this."

"You can handle it," you scoffed. "All you need to do is not hit any cars or poles or pedestrians. Just relax and let me get my breakfast…"

You went back down with a smirk as he exhaled sharply, silently promising himself that he was going to keep his cool and drive safely.

Instantly, the tip of your tongue just barely pushing into his slit sent that plan out the window, a loud moan echoing through the car and his eyes falling shut for only a moment.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he groaned.

You let out a coy little giggle before getting back into it, returning to your reliable pattern of stroking and sucking with the occasional venture into the back of your throat— but this time gaining speed steadily, making his toes curl inside his boots and the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

His metal hand had a death grip on the steering wheel while his other stroked your hair and held you down just a moment longer each time your throat wrapped around his head.

"Fuck, baby, I'm gonna— oh god—" he tried to warn you.

You moaned approvingly, stroking your hand and bobbing your head faster.

His turn was coming up and he needed to get two lanes over, but at this point he accepted that he was going to miss the turn because he just needed to come down your throat right fucking now; he didn't even hear the GPS announcing that it was recalculating the route, he didn't even care that he was driving way too slow, all he could perceive was the feeling of your lips around him as he throbbed with each pump of his load onto your tongue.

"Fuuuuckkkk," he gasped as he held you down at your neck, making sure you got every drop. But that backfired pretty quickly when he let go and you still didn't come back up, sucking as if he hadn't come at all. "Oh— oh fuck!" he yelped, and his fears that his eyes would fall shut were gone because they were wide fucking open now, his breathing coming fast and hot through his teeth as your tongue refused to let up.

Your little moans made it clear this was not an accident, but a deliberate attack on his senses that made his entire body jolt.

He tried to pull you off of him, and you resisted for just a moment before finally giving him a break, popping up from his lap to swallow what was in your mouth and lick your lips with a prideful smirk. He allowed himself a quick glance at your satisfied expression as he laughed exhaustedly, still trying to catch his breath as you leaned back in your seat.

"You are…" he began, but he didn't even know where to start. "That was dangerous," he decided to inform you instead.

"But it was fun," you grinned.

Another red light gave him a chance to tuck his softened cock back into his jeans. "We're just a few minutes away, so I don't have time to return the favor," he realized with a frown.

"Don't sweat it, I get the feeling you're gonna more than make it up to me tonight."

"What makes you so sure?" he smirked, even though you were completely right.

"Because I'm gonna take you out somewhere fancy, and you always put out after I buy you dinner," you explained with a chuckle.

"It's cause every time we go out, I have to act all professional and stuff, so when we get home I just can't wait to get my hands on you again."

He pulled in to the parking garage of the studio, finding a spot before turning off the car. You were about to grab your bag but he pulled you into a kiss; not so desperate since he'd just come two minutes ago, but still plenty passionate as his tongue slid over yours in search of the taste of himself to remember what you'd done even clearer.

Your lips moved against his with a quiet little moan, so precious that he couldn't stop himself from gripping your waist tightly.

"You're sure you can't be a few minutes late?" he mumbled, barely pulling back as he reached up and held your face in his hands. "We could get in the back and you could ride me real quick."

"Ah ah ah, we know there's no 'real quick' with you, you said it yourself," you reminded him. "You'll say it's just to take the edge off and then I'll end up folded like a pretzel while you rail me for an hour."

He laughed; he couldn't deny that. "Fair enough. Go to your stupid meeting."

"It won't even take that long," you promised. "And I'll be thinking of you the whole time… hard not to when sucking you off got me so wet."

"Fuck," he growled, "you'd better leave now before I change my mind and make you stay."

You smiled and gave him a peck on the nose before opening the door and getting out of the car. He took a moment to watch you walk away before grabbing his newest borrowed book from the glovebox: Tuck Everlasting. You promised this one wouldn't make him cry which was the only way he agreed to read it because he couldn't handle another sad ending again. And, because he was a little too in love to think straight, he actually believed you.

He hadn't told you yet, though; it was way, way too early for him to feel this way at all, let alone tell you about it. For now, the two of you had something great going, and he didn't want to rush it. Well, he did want to rush it, but he knew he shouldn't, so he kept his feelings to himself for the time being.

You were heating up some Vietnamese leftovers on the stove (you’d taught Bucky to stop using the microwave to reheat noodles and now he would never go back) while your boyfriend relaxed on the couch, attempting to find something decent to watch with your meal.

“Hey, one of your movies is on later,” he noticed as he scrolled through the channels. “We could watch that.”

Maybe it was weird that you watched your own movies pretty often— after all, plenty of actors preferred to avoid seeing their own performance— but it made perfect sense to you; you took roles in the kinds of movies that you enjoyed watching and wanted to see more of. It wasn’t that you sought out something you’d been in to watch, and it definitely wasn’t that you didn’t cringe a little watching yourself, but you just happened to like a lot of the things that you’d been in. Plus, they brought back sweet memories. “Oh, which one?” you asked, focusing mainly on stirring the food in the wok.

“After Midnight,” he informed you, and your smile dropped.

“Oh. Um, I don’t like that one,” you dismissed quickly, “what else could we watch?”

“Really?” he pressed, unfortunately not following your segue. “It’s pretty popular… I never saw it, sorry, but I figured I should. Is it not good?”

“No, it’s good, it just—”

“Then what don’t you like about it?”

“Do you not know that I did that movie with Sam Wilson?” you finally blurted out.

“Oh…” he deflated slightly. “You two dated, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, over a year,” you remembered, sounding more somber than you intended.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories,” he frowned, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

“No, it’s okay, it’s not bad memories,” you soothed.

“Well, I didn’t mean to bring up any good memories either,” he smirked. “I guess you guys were pretty serious?”

“I thought so,” you answered, leaving the silent second half hanging in the air: He didn’t.

“Kinda sucks you can’t watch your own movie just ‘cause your ex is in it,” he realized.

“Yeah, that one’s especially hard since that’s how we met and all… and I was basically the only person on the planet who didn’t watch Code Gray while it was on,” you remembered. “I mean, everyone was talking about it and I just had to smile and nod and try to ignore the big-ass billboards in LA with his face on them. You get used to that last part, though.”

“Maybe you get used to it, but I don’t think I will,” he admitted.

“I guess it’s easier when you’ve already seen your own face on a billboard,” you shrugged, turning off the stove and distributing the food into two bowls.

"That reminds me, I saw your perfume ad on the side of a skyscraper yesterday," he told you proudly.

"Oh yeah? How's it look?" you asked as you stuck some chopsticks into the food and brought it with you to the living room.

"Looks good, I guess, but it doesn't really look like you to me. You're so airbrushed I couldn't see all my favorite little details of your face," he admitted as you set the bowls on the coffee table.

"That's the nature of the game," you shrugged, joining him on the couch and relaxing against his chest as he embraced you.

“Dating in the public eye must be tough…” he mumbled. You twiddled your thumbs and wondered if that meant he didn’t want to go public with you. He must have sensed your discomfort; he always did. “What’s on your mind, beautiful?”

"Would you ever want to… you know… go public? I wouldn't blame you if you'd rather stay this way as long as possible—"

"What?!" he scoffed. "Baby… I don't care about the spotlight, for better or for worse, I just care about you. And I want to shout it from the fucking rooftops if you'll let me."

You grinned and snuggled up into his arms. “Really?”

“Yeah,” he hummed.

“We could, you know… start that process, if you wanted.”

“What about what you want?” he pressed instead.

“I want everybody to know,” you decided with a smile that you tried (and failed) to fight. “I want to be able to go out with you and not worry about who sees or how you touch me.”

He grinned and kissed you, gentle but a little bit less than innocent. "I want that too," he whispered.

"Then let's do it," you announced giddily. "But, let's have dinner first."

He was reading as he waited for you in bed, starting to pick up on the fact that you'd duped him into another heartbreaking read. He was about to confront you about it when you returned from the hallway, but you spoke first.

"I just got off the phone with my publicist," you informed him, "she thinks we should get papped together before I post about it on Instagram."

"'Get papped'?" he repeated incredulously as he slipped a bookmark between the pages and set the novel aside. "Is that some sort of hip slang for getting a pap smear because, I'll warn you now, I’m pretty sure anatomy dictates that we can't do that together."

"Paparazzi," you clarified unamusedly as you got in bed next to him. "She wants us to go to lunch or something and tip off a few photographers; it'll be in the gossip rags by tomorrow."

"God, being famous sounds weird as fuck," he shivered.

"You'll find out for yourself soon," you warned, half ominous and half humorous, as you laid your head on his chest. "You're gonna have your own following once this hits."

He grimaced a little, afraid of becoming slightly famous in his own rite just for dating you when he didn't actually have any talent worthy of attention or praise. “Oh god, I’m not gonna have to make an Instagram, am I?”

"No, but you might want to consider a tinted moisturizer," you pondered aloud as you suddenly examined his face closely.

He gently batted your hand away as you reached up to poke his cheek. "Okay, I get it, I'm old. Makeup ain't gonna fix that."

"You're not old," you laughed, "and it's not that there's anything wrong with your face, it's just that everybody looks washed out on camera and the magazines and their readers are fucking ruthless. If I go out without mascara they'll start running shit about how I'm turning into a crypt keeper. God forbid I wear a tight shirt after eating a massive burrito; they'll pick out baby names for me."

"Christ," he groaned.

"You still wanna do this right?" you asked quietly, shifting from joking to concerned so quickly.

"Of course," he assured, clutching your hand where it had been absent-mindedly rubbing over his chest hair. "Do you?"

"Yeah," you smiled, relaxing again. "I can't wait, honestly."

"Then let's do the lunch thing tomorrow. You have to help me pick what to wear, though." Your arms wrapped around his torso and hugged him tight. "Ooh, don't squeeze me so hard, I ate a lot of Vietnamese food," he frowned.

"Sorry," you giggled, still holding him close but applying less pressure. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders, instinctively stroking your arm with his thumb for a moment before leaning over to turn off the lamp on his bedside table.

Yes, his bedside table, with a drawer full of his stuff. Next to your bed. It was like his wildest (yet most domestic) fantasies coming true and he was beside himself about it.

"G'night," you whispered, cuddling up closer to him.

"Goodnight," he whispered back, planting a kiss on the top of your head. He stayed awake just long enough to hear your breathing and feel your heartbeat as they slowed down, only then allowed himself to fall asleep as well.

You'd convinced him to stick to his usual style of 90% leather and denim, while you opted for the classic "I'm famous but I'm pretending I'm normal but I'm definitely not" look of jeans and a t-shirt that looked casual but actually cost nearly a grand combined. It was the ideal look for allegedly-candid pap pics, in your mind; unfortunately, the ribs were wanted to order were not part of that look, and you frowned a little as you ordered your salad and gave the menu back to your waitress.

"I'll have the same," Bucky mumbled quickly and handed his menu over as well, the waitress nodding before she stepped away.

"Salad? Really?" you questioned, fixing your hair for a moment since the breeze had messed it up slightly; you had to sit outside for visibility reasons, and thankfully the weather was gorgeous, but you could do without the wind.

"I'm not stupid, I know better than to unhinge my jaw to eat a burger when I'm going to be photographed," he chuckled. "I'm not hungry anyways, I'm too nervous."

"Don't be nervous," you dismissed, "all you have to do is sit here and not suppress the instinct to act like my boyfriend."

He reached forward and rested his hand on top of yours on the table, stroking your wrist with his thumb. "How about this?"

You smiled a little, feeling your face warm; sometimes he made you feel all shy and giddy like that, just from the simplest things.

“So, when are the paparazzi getting here?” he asked, breaking the silence that you hadn't even really noticed before, too lost in your thoughts.

“They’re already here. Across the street, behind those bushes.”

“Wha— oh my god,” Bucky gasped as he craned his head to see there were, in fact, cameras obscured behind the foliage, “they’re good!”

“Yeah, it’s too bad they use their powers for evil most of the time,” you frowned. “Spent a lot of time and money trying to keep less flattering pictures out of the papers.”

“How ‘less flattering’ are we talking here?” he pressed with a raised eyebrow.

“Unfortunate angles while getting out of a car… maybe a rendezvous on a balcony that we thought was totally private…”

“Do I want to know who the ‘we’ was?”

“Nope,” you grinned. "That's all in the past now… and right now I'm here with you." For emphasis, you slipped one of your shoes off and playfully trailed your foot up his leg.

"Careful there, honey, or you're gonna end up with some more dirty pictures to bribe some sleaze into deleting," he warned with a smirk.

"Just gotta make sure these pictures make it clear we're not just friends," you explained, shrugging a little but wiggling your toes as you moved just past his knee before going back down and slipping your shoe on.

"Maybe we're just really, really good friends."

"Ever gotten this personal at lunch with a really, really good friend?" you asked playfully.

"No, I don't think so…"

"Ever had sex in the bathroom of a really fancy restaurant?" you added, voice dropping as you grinned.

"No, and I never will," he laughed, "because the chances of getting caught are astronomically too high. We literally came here for the express purpose of getting caught."

"Yeah, fair enough," you deflated slightly, taking another bite of your salad.

It was easy after that: just talking with him as naturally as you always did. He glanced over at the hidden photographers occasionally but you'd all but forgotten they were there.

"Well, I think our job here is done," you decided after a half hour had passed. You stood up from your chair and he followed suit, but he stopped you before you turned away.

"Not quite yet," he smirked as he pulled you closer and into a kiss— one that just barely pushed into 'a little too steamy for out in public' territory. Even so, he was the one that had to pull away first because you quickly got so lost in it that you would've let him go on forever. "Now we're done."

"Yep, that'll do it!" you laughed, hugging him quickly before dropping a fifty on the table (it was a 40% tip but who cares) and leading him back to the car.

His phone was already set to give him news updates about you, and he smirked when he checked it after dinner only to see your plan already in motion so easily.

New photos spark Y/N Y/L/N dating rumors

Is Y/N Y/L/N dating again after highly-publicized romance with ‘Code Gray’ star Sam Wilson?

‘Touch of Blood,’ ‘After Midnight’ Star Spotted At More-Than-Friendly Lunch with Her Bodyguard

Y/N Y/L/N and Mystery Guy Get Frisky Over Salads at Lazan Bistro In The Lower East Side

“Now we just have to wait until tomorrow,” you smirked. “Is it weird that I’m all jittery about it? I mean, it doesn’t really matter, cause we’re the only thing that matters, but—”

“No, it’s okay, I’m excited too,” he agreed, setting his phone down and wrapping his arms around your waist. “Although I am enjoying my last day of anonymity.”

“Soak it in, Bucky-boy, most of us don’t get the chance to really appreciate it before it’s gone,” you giggled. “You should go out and celebrate— go grocery shopping, see a movie, something I can’t do anymore.”

“If you can’t do it anymore, does that mean you’re not coming with me?”

“That’s sort of the point.”

“But I’ll miss you…”

“You’re so needy,” you rolled your eyes. “But I like it,” you added with a peck to his cheek.

“Need anything from the grocery store? Or the movie theater?”

“All I need is a kiss before you go,” you decided.

He purred and pulled you a little closer, ghosting his lips over your cheek. “Do I get to pick where it is?”

“Above the belt,” you scolded playfully.

“That still gives me plenty of options,” he smiled as he leaned down to lift your shirt up, deciding to place his slow, gentle kiss onto your nipple. He wrapped his lips around it carefully, circling his tongue around the bud as it hardened.

“Oh fuck,” you sighed, weaving your fingers into his hair.

He grinned and looked up at you, pulling away just a little too soon to hear your pretty whines. Who’s the needy one now? “Can I give you one more kiss, on the other one?”

“Only in the interest of symmetry,” you smirked, moaning when he moved to the other nipple and sucked it a little harder than the last. He let his teeth just barely graze the sensitive skin, your body jolting in his arms at the sensation.

“Oh, I bit this one but not the first one,” he realized, “so I’m gonna have to go back. For symmetry.”

He kissed his way back and gave a rough lap over it before sucking it between his lips and using his teeth just like he’d promised. “God, just fuck me.”

“Really? I thought you wanted me to go out without you,” he remembered.

“Later,” you sighed, “need you now.”

A prideful grin stretched over his face as he stood back up and held you tight, tapping your back to instruct you to jump into his arms and wrap your legs around his hips— which you did instinctively, much to his delight. “Okay, pretty girl, let’s get you to bed.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bodyguard!bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n

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danijimenezv · 3 years

Note

Ma’am, I saw Sara ask a few writers about their E x MC weddings and I got curious about Jill, so now I have to ask

1. How touchy are they on their wedding day? Affectionate or more subdued because all of their family is there?

2. Is Louise there?

3. Do they sneak away during the reception for a quickie?

4. When do you see them getting engaged?

5. How long of an engagement do they have?

6. Is Ethan into planning it or does he let Jill do whatever she wants? Or does he only care about the "important" things?

7. Do they have any fights about the wedding? Like little baby fights

8. Where do they go for their honeymoon?

9. Do either of them cry during their vows? Or the first dance? Or the speeches?

10. Best man and maid of honor?

Anon, I love you for asking about my babies, I could talk endlessly about them! Also yes, I believe @thesassywitchofthenortheast started the wedding fever in the fandom 😂❤

1. How touchy are they on their wedding day? Affectionate or more subdued because all of their family is there?

They are all handsy. Jill tends to be a bit more subdued when she's around family because they are all about formality and stuff, but it's hers and Ethan's day and she can't bring herself to care about anything else. And Ethan is still processing that he got her as his freaking wife. So yes, super handsy

2. Is Louise there?

Yes and no. She doesn't attend their wedding, but she stops by at some point to wish them the best and to see her son on his happiest day.

3. Do they sneak away during the reception for a quickie?

They do 😂🤷🏻‍♀️ but only a couple of people notice their disappearance

4. When do you see them getting engaged?

About a year after OH3, when they are 39 and 29

5. How long of an engagement do they have?

I'd say about a year long

6. Is Ethan into planning it or does he let Jill do whatever she wants? Or does he only care about the "important" things?

He practically lets Jill do whatever she wants, because he knows his fiancee is a perfectionist and already had a lot of things envisioned years before he popped the question, and he wants her to have her dream wedding. Though, Jill runs everything by Ethan, to make it feel like they're planning it together, and Ethan indulges her most of the times

7. Do they have any fights about the wedding? Like little baby fights

I don't see them fighting about anything. Jill has a very classic taste that goes well with Ethan's taste, so I think everything goes smoothly for them (and also the fact that Ethan just wants to see her happy so he goes with whatever she says). Maaaaybe the only thing I see them disagreeing on is the amount of guests

8. Where do they go for their honeymoon?

Costa Rica baby 💁🏻‍♀️ my country. The Papagayo Peninsula is stupidly stunning! Or maybe Nosara, which is my fave vacation spot. Still to be decided, but definitely Costa Rica 💕

9. Do either of them cry during their vows? Or the first dance? Or the speeches?

Not during the vows, but Ethan lets out a few tears during their first dance as spouses, and Jill cries like a baby after the speeches

10. Best man and maid of honor?

This is still undecided, and I might need help plotting this so I'll summon @jamespotterthefirst, @aestheticartsx, @liaromancewriter or anyone who wants to help me figure it out 😂. I feel the slight obligation to pick either of Jill's sisters, she's closer to Ivy than to Kat, but I also see Sienna being a great potential and kinda want her to be. For Ethan, I picture him growing really close to Tobias again (after they fix things, of course) and growing close too to Jill's older brother Luke (because they are the same age), but there's also Naveen, and Bryce (they technically are in laws and they become bros, even if Ethan would never ever admit to it). So who knows, I need help

#ethan x mc #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan ramsey x jill valentine #dani answers

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pumpkinpaix · 4 years

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9, 13, 14, 20? :O

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

ALAS I AM APPARENTLY A LONGFIC WRITER,,,, or like, a very short tiny vignette, no in-between. I used to be incapable of writing anything long (all my shit from like 2007-2012 was under like 5k pretty much), but now it’s like. fuck! every story i want to write ends up spiralling out into like 50k+ projects /o\ I’m definitely a plotter. I wish I could be more spontaneous, but I do much, much better when I have some kind of endgame in mind. I can kinda fudge the middle, but the beginning and end have to be set :/

13. Do you share your writing online? (Drop a link!) Do you have projects you’ve kept just for yourself?

yep! here’s my ao3, which is pretty much just mdzs right now, but I’ve got some Saint Seiya stuff planned 👀 truly getting ready to return to my roots. saint seiya was the first fandom i wrote for! :D if you’re looking for my tumblr ficlets, I believe the tag is #myficlet

however, in terms of original prose and poetry, it mostly all just stays in folders on my hard drive. :’D I’ve entered some poetry and prose into local writing contests and won before, so my work exists out in the ether, but one day I’d like to have published books :’) I have so much poetry that kind of just sits around, and i’m like maybe?? it would be cool to share some of it? but all of it needs more editing and refining, I almost never edit my poetry it just kinda comes out in a mess and then I don’t look at it for years, so none of it is like good. a lot of it has potential, I think, but I have like, maaaaybe one poem that I would say is almost good lol.

I have like five nano novels hanging out as well, so just like. hundreds of k of words stacked up over the last decade and a half :’D

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

depends! sometimes I think of a title and a concept at the same time and try to weave them together. sometimes it comes in the middle, and sometimes I’m scrambling right at the end. sometimes I’m struggling for the whole fucking time (me with lxc fic right now good god this title has been eluding me for MONTHS)

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

okay, since you’re the one asking, I’m going to talk about my painting selections in this little tumblr not-fic i wrote about hyoshun even though I know you don’t really do the classic series, but hey.

I’ve seen both Aivazovsky’s Ninth Wave and Repin’s Sadko in person, but I’ve studied all of the paintings that were included. I’ve never been to the Tretyakov, so I haven’t seen any of those in person, but GOD i want to. All of the paintings that I talked about are some of my favorite 19th century russian works except Sadko, which is nice, but not like, one of my favorites. I just like it.

here is why I chose those works in particular:

1. Aivazovsky’s Ninth Wave is a fucking experience to witness. It’s impossible to convey the presence of it, the size of it, on a computer screen. you feel swallowed up by the ocean and the light and the terror and the beauty of it--even as you face death, you also face the sun. you know, just like. peak sublime. I really think Shun would find the concept of the sublime very moving, given what we see of his character in canon: he cares, deeply and viscerally about the inherent value of life, but sees himself as small within it. And I don’t necessarily think that scares him so much as it awes him sometimes. He knows his own value and strength, respects risk, and respects sacrifice. I think would relate a lot to the Romantic artists who looked out at the vastness of the world and reacted with wonder and terror.

I think Shun very much feels a deep sense of wonder at being alive, of existing, and that he takes that very seriously. idk, there’s that moment at the 12 temples, when he stops to smell the roses at Aphrodite’s temple. it’s like, yeah, we’re in the midst of fighting for our lives, but god. there is such beauty here. facing the sun even as you face death. I think he would like that painting a lot.

2. Knowing Repin’s other work, I find the Sadko really beautiful and charming and surprising! It’s such a fun subject for a painting--instead of painting a religious scene, it’s a scene from a bylina, about a man named Sadko. I believe here is the scene where he’s asked to choose a wife from a line of beautiful sea maidens, but all he wants is to return to the surface and live with his human wife that he loves so much. and it’s okay! he does! the painting is lovely and just really visually stunning. and there’s something really moving about the way that sadko has eyes only for his wife on the surface, dressed in plain clothes, out of reach, even as these dazzling women laden with jewels parade before him. aaaaaaaaaa. anyways, I think Shun would like this painting too, for those reasons!!

3. Now the Tretyakov paintings that I’ve never seen, but GOD they just. they get me right in the heart. first, Conscience, Judas, by Nikolai Ge. it’s hard for me to describe exactly what I’m feeling when I look at it, but that really vicious white on Judas’s robe, the coldness of it, the alienation of a traitor. I want to weep for judas. I am not christian, so my interpretations of the bible are largely moot and uninformed, but I’ve always been intrigued by the thought that like--without judas’ betrayal, christ could not have risen. without the fall, there cannot be a triumph. that doesn’t mean that judas was acting for that reason, i certainly don’t know enough about biblical studies to make any kind of interpretation, but in the sense that like--christ had to fall and judas was the instrument of it. imagine the remorse of knowing. there’s something very human and sad about watching everything you loved and betrayed walk away from you into the darkness while you are left behind. without you, it could never have happened. i don’t know. there’s something about the nature of unforgiveable sins in there. i think about Shun’s speech to Balron Lune and I think he would feel some kind of way looking at this painting.

4. Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, by Perov--this painting kills me every time i see it. again, not christian, but like. the agony of christ. god. the nature of sacrifice. knowing that you must suffer and die, but oh! you would rather live, please if only you could live. let this cup pass me by. that on its own is already so much to sit with. and I think Shun, as well as the other saints, for very obvious reasons, probably have a lot of complicated emotions surrounding the concept of sacrifice and doubt. and idk, whenever there’s a moment when you feel like you are reaching through time and space to realize that someone out there has felt the way you are feeling, it’s like. that’s a lot. it hurts.

5. The Demon Seated, Vrubel: aaaaaaaaaaa. one of my favorite paintings!!! the demon is beautiful, and the demon is terribly melancholic, and the demon is alone, and the demon is powerful sitting amidst the blooming flowers and the setting sun. the gentle face in contrast with the muscular body. the inherent negative aspect of a demon in contrast with the subject’s heroism. I think that this would remind shun very much of his own brother, who is so angry and violent and dark, but whom he still sees as gentle and loving still. i think shun would look at this painting and see ikki sitting there, alone, watching the sunset on some distant shore. as for hyoga, I think it would be hard for him to see this without seeing shun after the hades arc: a kind and beautiful man, a demon by nature not by choice. someone soft made unwillingly hard. a murderer who would ferry even centipedes out of the house to safety.

ANYWAYS. I LOVE ART and i project all my feelings onto shun thank you for coming to my ted talk

writing asks

#cyan writes #ask meme #cyan dlc #saint seiya #romanticism #russian painting #thank u for asking!!! :DDD #kingofthewilds #asks and replies

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some-creep · 4 years

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CREEP RANKS EVERY SONG IN NIER... AUTOMATA (mostly) BY TITLE

Because, like, no one played Gestalt. Also this game has more songs.

Significance Like. I guess. It’s a title you can use. What is significant? We don’t know. The characters don’t know. They are struggling to find out. We all are. What is meaning? What really matters? I don’t know but we’re all crying. 8/10

City Ruins – Rays of Light / Shade Plays in the ruins of the city. Exactly as advertised. Sounds sad like you might imagine. 9/10

Peaceful Sleep This is the Resistance camp right? Peaceful things don’t tend to happen there honestly. At least not as we keep going. Sounds like a sleepy JRPG town though. Ok title for the mood it gives. I like this song a lot so I’m cheating and giving it more points than I know it deserves as just, like, a title. 8/10

Memories of Dust Sand is dusty. What memories? We’re making them. Cool title. Sounds like a YA novel though. 9/10

Birth of a Wish Genuinely often get confused with the Silent Hill 2 bonus story Born from a Wish whenever I try to remember what this song is called. This Cannot Continue / 10

The Color of Depression This is like… a really cool title. Thanks. That Scanner boy is not gonna live the happy family life you all for some reason keep suggesting he is. Bad things are gonna happen to him. He dies anyway. 11/10

Amusement Park Yeah. I guess. We certainly are in the amusement park level. Creep why does this one rank so much lower than City Ruins which was also just “name of location”. Amusement park is not a cool title. City Ruins is a cool title. 7/10

A Beautiful Song Would you say Simone has girlpower? Would you say Simone successfully used her girlpower to kill and consume countless androids and also turn them into near lifeless weapons and body jewelry? 9/10

Voice of No Return Sad title. Sad song. Exactly as advertised once again. I feel sad listening to the Automata OST most of the time. Is this quest complete in the camp? I think so. Anyway it’s really sad. I love to cry. 11/10

Grandma – Destruction Um so this is like. Genuinely a horrible title. It reminds me of the title of a darkweb video which I will say no more on. This song is REALLY good its a shame this title is so… uh. Bad. It’s just bad. 1/10

Faltering Prayer – Dawn Breeze / Starry Sky This is another really cool title. This game is about like… life after god. I’m not here to get thematic. I say in a list entirely about if the song fits the theme. Anyway this is a cool title. The song again… sounds sad. One of them is a music box which I love. Cheating again. 10/10

Emil’s Shop EVERY DAY’S A SALE. EVERY SALE’S A WIN. 12/10!!

Treasured Times The fact this plays after Emil’s shop on the OST is the biggest tonal whiplash in the world. This song makes me feel an emotion I cannot describe. It’s something like sadness but not quite. This isn’t a review of the songs, just the title. But reading the title makes me feel that emotion too but stronger when I think about it. I don’t know. 9/10

Vague Hope – Cold Rain / Spring Rain Good title… Thematically very appropriate. Not COOL like some of the others but it feels right feels canon. I like it. It’s just the city ruins quest complete song but it also plays in one of the fucking… DLC fights. That makes me extra sad. 10/10

End of the Unknown Which unknown was ended. Genuinely think when this plays I had more unknowns than knowns. This song sounds like every song from the Gestalt DLC. 6/10.

Pascal At least Automata has far fewer “named after a character” songs. They just have named after a place songs. I love Pascal so if I give this a low score he might be upset. 8/10

Forest Kingdom It really… the forest huh. Random but one of the songs in Code Vein does a vocal thing that always reminds me of this song for some reason. That has nothing to do with this game or this songs title at all I just wanted to tell you. Long Live The Forest King / 10

Dark Colossus – Kaiju This song is also in Gestalt. It’s cooler here. More stakes. Song title suggests less stakes though? That’s kinda weird. Because of this it loses points. I’m sorry. 7/10

Copied City Dude I left this one off the list when I first typed it out lol. Someone not to @ anyone told me this was based on Nier’s village. Lie to me again. I don’t know what City is being Copied. One of them. It reminds me more of the Cathedral City from DoD3. Which is a bad horrible game that I completed 100%. 8/10

Wretched Weaponry Not to be confused with Wretched Automatons. Is this like, a remix? My ears don’t work so I don’t know. Don’t inform me because I love being stupid. Anyway, in the narrative it makes sense. It’s a good, cool title. Song is softer than the title would suggest. 9/10

Possessed by Disease COOL SONG TITLE. Thank you. This plays… somewhere. Uh. Hm. I’ve 100% completed this game like three times. 9/10

Broken Heart You think you’re gonna hear a sad song? SURPRISE. Sinister as hellllll. Subverted expectations baby. MCU take notes. I’ve never seen a movie in the MCU. Loving the dark tones in this. Broken heart but the emotion isn’t just sad. GOOD STUFF. 10/10

Mourning Again. You think it’s gonna be sad? But BOOM. It isn’t. I mean it still is, but in a dark way. These aren’t song reviews. These are title reviews. But if a title suggests one thing and delivers another that’s still a valid point right? I don’t know. Hey wait isn’t this just Shadowlord’s Castle? Yonah / 10

Dependent Weakling Well, it’s no Song of the Ancients – Fate, but it’ll do. In all seriousness, this is like, a great song title for Eve’s boss battle. Y’know, because he relied so heavily on Adam and all’a that. Maybe a little on the nose. Maybe a little rude. Eve sucks / 10

Rebirth & Hope Sounds hopeful. Plays during ending A where we see a Rebirth cos 9S super doesn’t die. This song is literally 30 seconds long why am I even bothering. Oh, right, because it’s on the OST at all. 30 second songs / 10

War & War Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here, this is the war room. It… sounds like a war room song. A preparing for a big battle song. Once again, exactly as advertised. Plays before a big battle. It really thematic naming! Peace was never an option. 8/10

Crumbling Lies Words cannot express how much I adore this song. First of all, title is on point. It’s the song that plays when you get to Route C. Literally the moment I fell in love with the game. The Bunker is destroyed, which, again… maybe it’s a bit on the nose. I don’t care. This is the perfect song title to the perfect song. I will die on this hill. 12/10

Widespread Illness Red Eye except it’s robots now. Very thematically appropriate. Everyone is dying. There’s nothing you can do to cure it except kill them. They’re incredibly infectious. Zombie Virus but with Robots. Can you tell I don’t remember what it’s called? I’m writing this at 1am and I’ve decided it’s funnier if I don’t look anything up. Sounds very somber… I like it. 9/10

Fortress of Lies Not to be dramatic but when I read this English title I was like MMMMMMMNNN because like. I get it. It plays in the Bunker. Which… is built on lies. Again. Incredibly on the nose but when I learned what the song was called I just fucking DIED the first time. I’m stupid. I don’t care. 11/10

Song of the Ancients – Atonement Another song I died when I learned the title of. Devola and Popola in that game have nothing to atone for. They are atoning for sing they did not commit. Punished for the crimes of another set of Androids, possibly thousands of miles away. It’s not fair. They have nothing to atone for. They’ve done nothing wrong. 12/10 crying creeps.

Blissful Death FUCK. This one plays in the Devola and Popola like. Text Adventure part. Which is just. I love it so much. No one dies in that though. Well… maybe someone does. It’s not impossible that Popola hurt someone. It’s suggested that, maaaaybe she did. No one stops. No one Stops.

Emil – Despair Emil’s life has quite literally only been despair. Please don’t bully him with your song titles like this… 9/10

Alien Manifestation Vintage meme of that guy from the history channel with the impact font that just says Aliens. This game has aliens, I will give you that. They’re all dead though. I guess the machines are aliens but. Eh. Wait doesn’t this play in the castle? There aren’t even aliens there what the fuck. 5/10

The Tower There’s a tower. This plays there. Thank you. Also the name of a tarot card I think? That could be cool if I knew a single goddamn thing about tarot cards. I don’t. 6/10

Bipolar Nightmare Cool flying section. Has anyone found Grun skip yet? Because the bounty for that was like. A lot of money. Vaguely a cool song title. I kinda like it. Although for some reason it reminds me of The Evil Within’s Japanese title, Psychobreak. So I think I like it less because of that. Not the worst title, but maybe the lowest of the COOL EDGY song titles. Fucking love the piano part in this one though. 7/10

The Sound of the End Really super cool and sexy song title. 2B is going to die but she can’t let anyone else get hurt because of it. She’s already done so much damage. This song is really dramatic sounding. The title is dramatic. Love this one a lot. The actual playable segment is kind of a struggle. But I think that’s the point… 10/10

Weight of the World / End of YoRHa I once got into an internet fight because I said this song is about every character except 9S because of the line “I’m only one girl”. I was corrected that the Japanese version is basically EXCLUSIVELY about 9S. None of this is relevant at all I just wanted to remember it. I still do not like 9S. Thematically a brilliant title. Everyone feels like they must do so much… but you cannot bear the weight of the world alone. Ending E legitimately makes me cry. Whenever I think about the messages from other players supporting me? It’s a lot. What the fuck. 12/10

#nier #nier automata #long post #creep ranks

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linlearnskorean · 6 years

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Studying for the TOPIK with a habit calendar

Recently I’ve been feeling a little aimless in terms of my Korean studies (and really my life in general). Now that I’m intermediate level and can survive easily while living in Korea, I’ve gotten super lazy. I haven’t really been studying this past month AND I stopped watching/reading/listening to Korean content.

I figured maybe the problem was that I lacked a tangible goal. So I’ve decided to take the TOPIK this January 2019. It’ll be my first time but right now I think I’m about level 3, so my goal is to get 4 and maaaaybe 5. Who knows.

I also have some other goals I’d like to work on like reading more in general (literally only been watching TV for months), writing fiction and exercising, so I made a little habit tracker calendar thing this past weekend:

So the point is to do just small baby steps everyday. In the past, I’d assign myself huge daily targets like “read 100 pages a day, write 2000 words a day, etc” which is just not sustainable for me with a massively energy-sucking full time teaching job. No wonder I always ended up quitting.

But some tasks don’t need to be done everyday which is why I separated the calendar into daily and weekly tasks.

Daily Tasks

The way I found my “baby steps” for the daily tasks was by doing each of the tasks I wanted to make into habits during the weekend when I had all the time in the world. I timed myself and then set my daily goals to be only that which I can do within 45 minutes per task.

For example, on average:

Reading 1 chapter of an English book = 5-10 min

Writing 500 words of fiction in English = 15-45 min

Reading 1 chapter/section of a Korean book = 10-20 min (the book I’m currently reading has short sections of about 4-5 pages)

Writing 1 “essay” in Korean = 20-30 min (it’s not really an essay. It’s just a new way I’m trying out for studying vocab because I’m so sick of flashcards and Anki. Everyday I’ll write 1-2 paragraphs using at least 5 new vocab words, and at the end of the week, I’ll re-read them all. If I can’t remember the meaning of the words, I add them back in the list to be used again for the next week’s essays.)

Meditating for 20 breaths = 2 min or so

So at the very most, my daily tasks can all be completed within 2 hours a day, which is very doable for me. I usually split it so that I do my English reading and writing in the morning and my Korean reading and writing in the evening. And I meditate right before bed.

In terms of studying for the TOPIK, for this month I’m taking things slowly, so my only focus is input (reading/generally consuming Korean content) and output (speaking and writing in Korean) everyday. Next month, I’d like to start doing practice tests.

Weekly Tasks

I put the number of boxes in the column for the number of times a week I want to do those tasks. For the ones with 1 box, I can do it whenever as long as it’s within the week. I enjoy the flexibility instead of trying to do it on a certain day of the week.

All except one of my weekly tasks are centered around studying Korean. The last one is my exercise goal. My aim is to get fitter and more toned hence the strength and HIIT focus. I tend to do this in the morning after reading but before writing.

Effectiveness?

It’s actually been super effective for me so far, and let me tell you it has NOT been easy. Literally 2 days in I caught a nasty cold (I’m still in the throes of it writing this in a daze so excuse me please), which has made it hard to complete the tasks.

But since the tasks are so small, I’ve been managing to still fit them in even though all I want to do is sleep ahaha...

The visual aspect of the calendar is the key to its effectiveness for me. I have it posted in an area of my apartment where I see it 90% of the time (I live in a studio so this is super easy to achieve). I keep thinking about how I’ll have to stare at this calendar for 1 whole month and I don’t want to be constantly reminded of my past failures in the upcoming weeks by having blank spaces :P

So it’s been rather motivating to say the least.

Make Your Own?

If anyone would like to make their own version of this, here’s a link to it on Google Drive. This version is view-only. So what you have to do to get an editable version is go to File > Make a copy (this will copy it to your Google Drive account) or File > Download as... (to get it as a Word doc or something else).

Change it as you see fit to help you keep track of your goals. Plus, you can change it month to month. At the end of each month before making the next month’s calendar, you can evaluate how your past month went and if your priorities have changed, tweak accordingly! That’s what I plan on doing next month.

#studyblr #langblr #productivity #korean #Korean langblr #korean studyblr #habits #topik #lin learns korean #resource #habit calendar

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bataddictedloony · 7 years

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If you have a friend with depression

I’ve learned a few things since I was really deep in myself two years ago, and I had two friends at the time who were just really really REALLY bad at handling someone with depression but they were also the only two people who gave a shit at the time.

Hence, lemme tell you a thing or two.

MASSIVE SIDENOTE: not everyone has the ability or the personality to be a good friend to someone who’s depressed. That’s not entirely your fault, it’s first and foremost the situation that’s super shitty. But some people have a very attention-based personality. Being loud, wanting to be heard, not a very good listener, not a good observer, tend to be extroverted, those kind of people. People who require energy. If you’re someone like that and you have a depressed friend you want to help, you’re either going to have to step aside or work VERY hard.

Healthy tip #1: What I mean by step aside is definitely NOT abandon them. You’re still allowed to be their friend but you’re going to have to get used to being their second friend. Go out of your way to bring your friend to social events, gently bring them into conversations with other people (don’t force them), so that they get the chance to meet someone less tiring, someone less extraverted, someone who pays more attention to the details, someone who can deal with someone in a depression or can very easily learn how to and adapt. However, when your depressed friend manages to find someone like that, don’t be a stranger. They might not act like it but they’ll feel very bad if you completely stop talking to them. Like, ask what they’re up to once a week or so. Keep it casual. Talk about your day, don’t always ask about theirs (the answer is ‘not good’, you know the answer is ‘not good’ and they know that you know the answer is ‘not good’, so why bother asking), instead ask what they’ve been doing, ask if they’ve watched or seen anything interesting (not good, not cool, not something they like, something interesting. It’s not overly positive and it’s easy to answer without coming over as a pessimist. In fact, try to avoid them having to be pessimistic alltogether.) There might be a chance, tho, that YOU will feel abandoned yourself and for that you should use your socializing to find yourself some friends as well. Your depressed friend WILL pay more attention to their less tiring friend because that’s the kind of person they need right now. They still love you, they will still think you’re great, but you’re not the kind of person they need to become better or at least not get worse (and yes, I’m sorry to say, people who are draining can make depression worse, speaking from experience.)

Healthy tip #2: Talk about everything. This should be an all around thing with friends in the first place but different friendships with different people work different ways. Anyway, talk to your depressed friend about everything. Not just the things you’re excited about but also the things THEY are excited about - the thing with depressed people is they rarely have anything to be excited about anymore, so when they talk about something that makes them happy or helps them, drop what you’re doing and listen. Listen and pay attention, try to remember some of the things they say, write it down if necessary, because when your depressed friend has an episode, you’ll have a list of things that will make them feel better or at least calm them down. NEVER dismiss them when they talk happy.

When I was in deep, and I mean DEEP, all I wanted was for my friends to listen to me about things I was excited about. They only listened when I was talking pessimistic which wasn’t only tiring to them but to me as well. So...

Healthy tip #3: Your friend knows they’re being overly pessimistic. That’s the annoying thing about mental illnesses, we are AWARE that what we say is dumb, or pessimistic, or overreacting but we can’t do shit about it. So when your friend talks to you about something that happened and they feel very strongly and emotional about, listen to what they have to say, then offer comfort (a funny movie, hot coco, mood lighting, a folder full of kittens), make them sleep it on and then the day after, when the emotions will have mostly passed, ask them again about how they feel about it and THEN offer advice - keeping in mind that most of your advice might be completely useless because a. they don’t work on depressed people (physical activity and sleep and a nice shower and such are the things depression PREVENT you from doing), b. they’ve already tried it and c. they literally can’t do it (if you grew up in a rich household and one of your friend’s problem is financial issues, you’re not the right person to give them advice). I only learned this AFTER my depression had mostly passed so keep in mind that your friend isn’t always aware that they’re overreacting at that moment, they don’t always realise they need a day to process before they can start moving on. And also keep in mind processing can take more than one day.

Healthy tip #4: You won’t always be appreciated. This is the most heartbreaking one and mostly the one that breaks friendships. People who are in a depression are overwhelmed by everything that goes wrong. There is no room for positivity. It sucks for everyone involved. Of course, your mental health should go first, if you’re like me and you’re an emotional sponge and you can feel yourself becoming depressed as well, it is time to take a vacation or maybe even a permanent leave of the friendship. Again, this is why it’s important your depressed friend has someone to fall back on when you’re not there anymore. DO NOT leave your friend to become even more lonely than they already are, make sure you’ve made a plan well beforehand that your friend has other people to talk to. Never assume they’ll find someone because some of them won’t live long enough to do so. Again, experience, don’t repeat my mistakes, don’t do what my friends did. If it is any condolence, your friend WILL get better, and that’s when they will realise how good of a friend you were during their most trying times. Don’t shut them out, if they’re good people, they’ll want to come to you to both apologize and thank you. I have yet to experience that but I hope it will feel like it was all worth it by then.

Healthy tip #5: Be there, physically. Not digitally. I remember a lot of shit shit moments with those two friends during my deep depression but I did have very good moments too and those best moments were when I was physically with them. When I got to hug them. When it was just us against the world. Touching and hugging can do so much to a person’s mood, like it’s scientifically proven. When you notice your friend has only been speaking to you over chat and it turns out they haven’t seen other friends in a while, go out with them. Seriously, during my depression there were 3 months where I didn’t say a word. All my conversations were through chat, I didn’t talk to my classmates and I always ran upstairs before my parents could say anything. Do not let it come that far. See a movie, walk in a park, go to an amusement park, sit lazily at home, go somewhere with them where you can hold their hand, give them sideway hugs, ruffle their hair, sit with your legs pressed against each other. I had a classmate today massage my head while I kept on working for school and I swear I got 5 more years added to my life!

Healthy tip #6: Finally, what I wanted to hear from my friends when I was depressed was validation. Again, don’t assume that your friend knows, because they don’t. Outright tell them that what they feel is valid, they’re right to feel the way they feel, their situation sucks, this is their defense mechanism and they’re allowed to feel that way. Use your own words, not the internet’s. They’ve heard those a thousand times, they’ve lost their credibility at this point. Tell them that you care about them anyway. Be honest about the way you feel when they come to you to complain. Maybe use euphemisms, maaaaybe sugarcoat, but never lie. Lying or telling them what they want to hear is one of the worst things you can do as a friend AND to a person who’s depressed. Never hide the truth, be open. Also, tell them they will be fine. Not in an angry, dismissive way, but as a comfort. They WILL be fine. They might never completely heal but there will be a time in their lives where they will feel better and happier. Tell them they might rehash during those times but reassure them that you or some other or new friends will be there to help, be there to listen and be there to comfort. But also those moments will pass and they will be happy for a while. It’s not a matter of if, but a matter of when. It’s a goal you can both strive for.

I hope that any of these help you and your friends, I wish I knew all of these when I was deep in my depression myself so I could’ve slapped it on my friends’ faces. As for those friends... I’m definitely still bitter (but I’m sure so are they) about the things they did super super wrong. I also want to apologize and thank them for the things they DID do right but alas, I got blocked by one of them :| I’m making work of the other one tho.

#To those who know them yes I am talking about Astrid and Vic #wherever they may be #depression #like a teeny tiny bit #mention of suicide #this is supposed to be helpful #not burn friends of depressed people to the ground

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oumakokichi · 8 years

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one thing that confused me during the 5th chapter: when ouma asked momota to kill him, did he know momota had a terminal illness and would die anyway? i was wondering since i knew ouma wanted to save as many lives as possible, and him being murdered surely meant that momota would face execution. is this also why momota went through with it? also, why did the two complicate their case by swapping clothes? sorry for all of these questions, ouma is just so interesting & you seem to know a lot haha.

There’s no need to apologize, anon! I really enjoy writingmeta, and I’m happy if I can clear up any information. It’s a lot of fun towrite here, because I really love both Ouma and ndrv3 a lot!

As far as Ouma knowing about Momota’s illness—yes, hedefinitely did! He knew quite early on, in fact, much earlier than the rest ofthe group. Momota doesn’t do the best job at hiding the fact that he’s coughingup blood and generally feeling really physically unwell. In Chapter 3 inparticular he starts getting noticeably worse and holes up in his room for awhile, using the excuse that he doesn’t like all the occult happenings that aregoing on thanks to the Religious Student Council and Monokuma’s “resurrection motive.”

But considering how he clings to Maki and winds up coughingup blood in front of everyone in that scene before leaving the room in a hurry,it’s pretty clear that Ouma picked up on his illness even when everyone elsebrushed it off as a fluke (everyone else even thought Maki had just hit Momotaand made him bleed in that scene). Ouma is incredibly perceptive, and he couldtell too that no matter how much Momota kept claiming he was “just fine” andthat there was “absolutely nothing wrong with him,” the truth was verydifferent. And the fact that Momota kept covering up such an important truthwhile still berating Ouma for lying all the time became a huge point ofdisagreement between them.

For all that it was well-intentioned, Momota lying about thestate of his body was a very poor decision. Even as early as Chapter 3, hecould tell that there was something very, very wrong with himself, and he knew that he was dying, although he didn’tknow why or even what sickness he had. And yet he continued to try to play therole of shounen protagonist and kept lying to everyone that he was okay, thatthings were just fine, that they should stop worrying about him—and thesethings were bound to blow up in his face sooner or later, as they inevitably doin Chapter 5.

Quite a large theme of Chapter 5 is that even characters wholike to think of themselves as the most honest, the most against lying andmanipulation, often do find themselves lying to others when they feel thesituation calls for it. Kaede did the same about her plan to kill the ringleaderin Chapter 1, and Momota does it through Chapters 3-5 about his physicalcondition. And this kind of hypocrisy was not looked on well by Ouma, whopoints out that he’s at least quite open about the fact that he’s a liar, sothat everyone at least knows to doubthim.

In Chapter 4, Ouma even tries to force Momota to come cleanto the rest of the group about his illness. When Momota goes running at him totry and punch him once Ouma has done his whole “I’m the villain” routine afterGonta’s execution, Ouma sidesteps him and counters his punch—and while Momotais on the floor pretty obviously winded and coughing up blood, Ouma tries tomake it painfully obvious to the whole group that he’s sick, saying, “Hey, wasit just my imagination or was your punch a lotslower than last time?”

Everyone crowds around Momota and worries about him andfusses over him, but the moment he says “whatever, no big deal, I’m fine,” hiswords are pretty much taken at face value even if the others are still a bitconcerned. It’s not until Momota finally comes forward at the end of the Chapter5 trial and admits that he’s literally on death’s door that everyone realizes “hey,maaaaybe all that coughing blood he was doing was a sign that maybe somethingwas very wrong with him.”

From the moment Maki crashed into the machinery bay and shotOuma and Momota with the poisoned arrows, Ouma knew there was no longer a wayout of the situation without someonedying. He and Momota were both poisoned, and there was only one antidote. Andas long as a murder of any kind occurred, then that meant that whoever wasconsidered the culprit would have to be executed. So from the moment Maki shotboth arrows, two people wereguaranteed to die, not one (my own personal AUs about a Momota victim-culpritsuicide case aside).

The scenario was as follows: Ouma could have pushed Maki andMomota both under the bus and let them die. By drinking the antidote forhimself, Momota would have died as a result of Maki’s actions, not his, andMaki herself would’ve been executed for a crime that she was very much responsiblefor. But this, of course, would resemble the same situation he found himself inwith Miu and Gonta in Chapter 4 far too much for his liking, and he was tiredof getting people around him killed after doing it once, even indirectly.

Of course, by deciding to give the antidote to Momotainstead of himself, that still means he would die from the poison, and Makiwould be the culprit. And as he points out to Momota himself, because her planwas so rash and not well thought out at all, it would be incredibly easy forany of the group to figure out that she was the one who killed Ouma. She’d beexecuted, and Momota would live for perhaps…a few more days or weeks at most.He and Ouma both knew that he was, in his own words, “out of time.” So therewas very little point in engineering a situation where Ouma and Maki both diedand Momota survived, because really, that meant no one would survive in theend.

The best scenario, then, was the one they thought up. Notonly would Maki get to survive instead of being executed as a culprit, but byworking together, Ouma and Momota were able to strike back incredibly hard at the real ringleader, and basically flipped ahuge middle finger off to the whole ndrv3 audience. The idea of a “catbox crime”in which neither the culprit nor the victim nor the method of death was known,and which was a mystery even to Monokuma and the ringleader, was a first in thefranchise.

Momota agreed to Ouma’s plan not only because he recognizedthat it was the best way to save Maki’s life, but also because he himself hadalmost no time left to live, even without counting the poison. And because Oumawas so willing to sacrifice his own life for his plan, and because the planitself was so detailed and could actually retaliate against the ringleader,Momota definitely came to respect Ouma on some level for it.

He wasn’t blackmailed or forced into cooperating with Oumaat all: the two of them found themselves in a situation with their backsagainst the wall, and in the end, Momota teamed up with Ouma of his own freewill. After all, he’s not the sort of character who enjoys passively sittingaround and doing nothing when given a chance to fight.

Now we arrive at the other question you had, about why theycomplicated the scene by switching clothes for their plan. I’ve talked aboutthis before here, but the fact of the matter is, the clothes-switch and thecamcorder video itself both prove, in my opinion, that they, and Ouma inparticular, were trying to make their “unsolvable case” solvable. The clueswith the jacket and the camcorder were actually the most essential to provingthat it was Ouma under the press, and not Momota.

If the true objective in Chapter 5 had been to make a “real”Schrodinger’s catbox, in which it was completely impossible to tell who was thebody under the press and the Exisal with the surviving culprit could never beopened unless the culprit came forward themselves, then there was no reason toleave such obvious clues behind. If Ouma had really wanted to make it completelyunknown, then he would’ve warn no shirt at all under the press, and had Momotakeep his own shirt and jacket with him inside the Exisal, rather than flushingOuma’s shirt down the toilet on his orders.

Ouma provided those clues so that the group, and Saihara inparticular, could arrive at the truth themselves. Because no matter howconvinced he was that his plan would probably work and that Monokuma probablywouldn’t execute the group at the expense of breaking his own rules if he gotthe answer wrong in the trial, there was no way for him to be 100% sure—moreso sincehe’d be dead and unable to participate in the trial himself, and he had to relyentirely on Momota’s acting.

Ouma put on a huge bluff, and definitely wanted Monokuma tothink that he was absolutely willing to bet everyone’s lives on the line if itmeant taking the true ringleader down, but this was impossible for him. And there’s a very simple canonical reason asto why, and as always, it comes down to the core of his entire character: hewas morally against killing people. His motto with DICE, “we don’t kill people,”was the key to his motivations in absolutely every aspect of the killing game.Therefore no matter how much he bluffed, there was no way that he would actually take a bet that could involve gettingabsolutely everyone executed without their consent at the school trial.

And so, he and Momota left clues behind. The catbox mysteryof “who is under the press” could have remained entirely impossible to solve,but Ouma was positive that with enough hints, Saihara could reach the truth—andthat if he could reach the truth of the mystery he left him, he’d be strongenough to tackle the truth of the killing game itself later on. This turns outto be absolutely true: in Chapter 6, literally only hours after Momota’s trial,Saihara has to follow a trail of breadcrumbs left for him by Ouma, and he andthe rest of the survivors decide of their own free will this time to bet theirlives against the ringleader and hold a retrial for Amami’s murder.

I hope I was able to clear up your questions! There’s stilla lot of really blurry and mistranslated information on Chapter 5 going aroundcurrently, so I know things can get confusing. Thank you for stopping by, anon!

#ndrv3 #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #kokichi ouma #kaito momota #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #momota: coughs blood up constantly and probably a lung #the entire rest of the group: he's fine though...he said he was fine...what do you mean he's dying #anonymous

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hashtagartistlife · 8 years

Text

2016 Fic Recap

Thanks to the beautiful and talented @sequencefairy for the tag!

total number of completed stories:

In total: 38

Bleach: 30 (28 english stories + 2 korean ones)

Miraculous Ladybug: 4 (2 english + 2 korean)

Naruto: 1

Fairy Tail: 1

Noragami: 1

GSNK: 1

total word count:

45841 words in finished fics, but if we include my published in-progress fics, the number jumps to 68286. If we want to add up the words I have scattered around in as-yet unpublished fics..... ngl, probably about double that number :’/ :’/ :’/

fandoms written in:

Answered that one above.

looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Jesus god I haven’t written this much fic..... well. ever. I’ve always dabbled in ficwriting, but I thought of myself as primarily an artist-- this year is the year that cemented the fact that, hey! Maybe I want to be a good writer as well. Basically I wrote about 10 times as much fic as I ever expected to write, but it’s all good :’D

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

fdnfjfhujkdfjrs UM probably The Search for Delos; it came to me really vividly and I wrote it all in pretty much one sitting. When I was done, I was genuinely very surprised that I had a piece like this in me. It’s somewhat different from my usual writing style, and it deals with some heavy themes, but this is the closest I’ve ever gotten to achieving my writing style goal of being simple but vivid and achingly profound.

did you take any writing risks this year?

I joined IRBB, which was risky considering my track record of MONTH-LONG WAITS between chapters and my muse being flighty like icarus :’/ case in point: im only 4000 words in and im stuck as hell. Aside from this, I. uh. Wrote nsfw for the first time and discovered joint writing, which is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

I want to try and finish cyclical this year, but as long as I keep a semi-regular update schedule on that one (once a month, or thereabouts) I’ll consider it a success :’/ I definitely have to finish irbb, and apart from that if i’m being ambitious... I’d like to finish f r a y and where the heart rests.

The other goal is if I manage to finish cyclical (whether this year or in the future), I want to print it with a nice cover and illustrations and have it on my shelf for my own edification :’D

best story of the year?

I’m gonna be honest i don’t understand this question... I’ve already said my favourite story for the year was The Search for Delos, but is this asking, like, objectively my best piece of writing? I’d still say The Search for Delos :’/ Although, I do think Ritardando was some good writing on my part.