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#i think i’m going to postpone the tolerance break until tomorrow
fingertipsmp3 · 5 months
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I was going to take a tolerance break starting today but I have some grapes that need eating and there’s no way I’m devouring half a thing of grapes sober
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sailorspazz · 5 years
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[Fanfic] Divine Blessing, Chapter 4 (Black/Zamasu)
Similar to last year, I tried (and failed ;_;) to finish a contribution in time for Black/Zamasu Week. So here I be posting late again :p
Title: Divine Blessing (chapter 4)
Series: Dragon Ball Super
Pairing: Black/Zamasu
Rating: M (for sex)
Words: 6,500
Summary: Black and Zamasu always celebrate the purification of planets by anointing them with their divine passion. However, this practice leads them to discover that even between kindred spirits, different bodies can lead to differences in opinions
Can find it on ff.net or ao3 if you please, or for maximum convenience, click below! (you’re already here, right?)
Welp, this is it, the end of the road. Took longer than I wanted/expected to complete this, but I always uphold my fic commitments, even if it’s months or years past the deadlines I originally wanted to keep :P So let’s dispense with the excuses and get on with it already!
Chapter completed: 2019.10.18
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Chapter 4: Permanence
As their bodies were still sprinkled with ash following their experience inside the volcano earlier that day, Black and Zamasu headed to the bath to wash up. They scrubbed each other down in turn before settling down in the large tub, relaxing against each other. Black wrapped his arm around Zamasu’s shoulder and placed a smooch on his cheek. He felt a tremendous sense of relief that they had been able to work through their conflict, and it seemed as if their connection might actually grow stronger after being strained. Even though they had both slung damning accusations at each other, in the end they had gained a better understanding of each other’s feelings, and had come to understand that the differences between them were not something to be feared. And knowing that they both wished to extend their bond until the end of time uplifted his heart in a way he had never experienced before. Though they had already been staunchly committed to each other since their very first meeting, he now had the sense that an absolute, eternal promise was shared between them.
Zamasu nuzzled his face against Black’s neck. “I can hardly wait till we get to the next planet.” He brought his mouth up to his partner’s ear. “I want you,” he murmured sensually.
Black instantly perked up. “Why deprive ourselves then? We could just do it right…now.” He swiftly maneuvered their bodies so Zamasu was pushed up against the side of the bath with his legs splayed.
Zamasu smirked up at his partner. “Surely you’re not thinking of going against my wishes? I may have forgiven you for last time, but that doesn’t mean I’ll tolerate you doing it again,” he cautioned.
Black backed up and quickly moved to the opposite side of the bath. “Right. I’ll just stay over here then.”
Zamasu puffed up his cheeks and came over to settle beside him again, exactly the reaction Black had been hoping for. “You don’t have to be that cautious. We just need to keep it…light,” Zamasu clarified as he turned Black’s face toward him and kissed him softly. It started slow, their pressed together lips scarcely moving, then advanced to Zamasu seating himself on Black’s lap, their arms wrapped tightly around each other as their tongues clashed. Black’s hand slid down his counterpart’s back, settling on his buttocks and giving them a firm squeeze. He ventured a finger toward Zamasu’s asshole, but was stopped when he protested, “Ah, n-no, don’t…”
“I’m not going to push this any further than you want,” Black promised. “Just some light teasing.”
“There’s nothing ‘light’ about you inserting something into me.” Even as he scolded him, his eyes were full of hunger.
“Then I won’t,” he replied as he slowly ran his finger around the rim of Zamasu’s entrance. His other self closed his eyes, panting and relishing the sensation. When he instinctively leaned forward to kiss him again, Black stopped him. “Hold on. If you don’t want me putting anything inside you, that includes this.” He stuck out his tongue, wiggling it back and forth.
Zamasu chuckled. “Fair point.” He stuck out his tongue as well and brought it together with Black’s, swirling them around each other. He briefly sucked on his partner’s tongue before realizing he was already going against his own request. “But I find this particular limitation too restricting.” He jammed his tongue deeply into Black’s mouth, setting off another round of passion that made it difficult for both of them to restrain themselves.
“If you’re going to break your own rules so easily, why don’t we just forget about all of them?” Black suggested as he caressed Zamasu’s chest.
“It may be arbitrary,” Zamasu admitted. “But I already made up my mind that we should save it for the next planet. It’s the principle, after all.”
Black nodded. “I’ll certainly respect your wishes.” He leaned forward and whispered seductively in Zamasu’s ear, “But I might make you wish I hadn’t.”
“Make me wish? Hardly,” Zamasu scoffed. “Surely continuing on like this is much…mmm,” he paused to moan as Black’s mouth moved to his neck, peppering it with kisses, licks, and soft nibbles. “It’s…it’s much harder for you, with your…ah…mortal b-body.” He bit his lip in ecstasy as Black clamped down hard, biting and sucking at his neck. “You have a stronger…hngh…n-need than I do.”
It was hard to contain his snickering as Zamasu proved undoubtedly that he desired this just as much—if not more—than Black did. “Should I stop, then?” he brought his face up to his partner’s, delighting in his flushed face and slightly parted lips.
Zamasu sighed deeply. “It’s probably for the best. It’s not fair to get you so worked up without promise of immediate release.” Though he tried play it down as if this were for Black’s benefit, clearly he was disappointed to postpone their intimate encounter. “Come, we’ll have some tea and calm ourselves down.” They were both still sporting full blown erections as they stepped out of the bath, but Zamasu swiftly used his power to dry and clothe them to reduce the visual provocation posed by their nude bodies.
They headed to the kitchen, and as Zamasu went about preparing the tea and accompanying snacks, Black could not help but ogle him. He would gladly bend him over the counter and take him right now, but he knew that would only incur his counterpart’s wrath again. Instead, he started plotting how he could continue the buildup to their next blessing. It would be marvelous if he could keep himself under control while working Zamasu into a tizzy, proving wrong his partner’s assumption about Black being the one that needed carnal pleasure more. It would be difficult to pull off without succumbing to temptation himself, but he was eager to take on the challenge.
Zamasu carried a tray to the table and set out servings for each of them. He had barely managed to sit down before Black could no longer resist setting his new plan into motion. “I was thinking…” he started casually, trying to capture his other self’s full attention.
“Hmm?” Zamasu peered back from over his teacup.
“About our conversation earlier. We both recognize that, though we may share the same soul, we also have individual desires that the other may not share, right?”
“That’s correct,” Zamasu answered with a hint of curiosity, wondering where Black was going with this line of thought.
Black was pleased to see that he had piqued Zamasu’s interest. “Consequently, when we bestow blessings upon the planets we’ve cleansed, we have a tendency to focus on our own needs rather than what our other self would appreciate.”
“I suppose…that’s true,” Zamasu said thoughtfully. “Though usually we’re in sync with what we desire, the last couple of times have proven that it’s clearly…”
“Not a given, yes. So I’d like to propose that next time, we approach this more consciously.” He placed his elbows on the table, resting his chin on top of his interlaced fingers. “We should each try to do something that we think the other would enjoy, regardless of if it caters to our own desires. We could treat it as a celebration of sorts of our newfound deeper understanding of each other.” Black had to move his folded hands in front of his mouth to contain the absolutely lecherous grin that was threatening to show through, though that did nothing to mask the blatantly mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
“That sounds like a splendid idea,” Zamasu replied brightly. “And am I to assume that we’ll keep these plans secret from each other until we decide to unveil them?”
“Exactly what I was thinking. Builds more…anticipation that way, don’t you think?” Black could not resist dropping one of his hands and sliding it across the table to rest upon his partner’s.
Zamasu turned his hand over and entwined it with Black’s, returning the seductive gaze that was being aimed at him. “Indeed.”
Their conversation moved on, but even as they discussed other subjects, Black was pleased to see occasional flashes in his partner’s eyes indicating that he was contemplating what they might do for—and to— each other the following day. Knowing the subtle cues of his former body allowed him to have great insight into catching when Zamasu’s mind wandered, but alas in this case it did not particularly help Black, as it only served to get him even more excited. Since his other half had declared that waiting would be much harder on his mortal body, the stubborn streak that they both shared meant Black needed to ensure that by the time they gave themselves to each other, Zamasu would be the one craving it more. He pictured him begging and pleading for his cock, a mental image he quickly had to dispel; it was already going to be difficult enough to carry out this plan, so he need not make it even tougher by allowing himself such enticing thoughts.
Later on, they elected to head to bed to rest up for the next day’s extermination. Black wasted no time spooning his body against his other self’s, wrapping him in his arms and pecking his ear lightly. “Tomorrow will be glorious,” he purred.
“Mmm hmm,” Zamasu snuggled tighter into his partner’s embrace, and relished the tingling sensation that spread throughout him as Black nuzzled and whispered in his ear. It was obvious he was trying to rile him up, but Zamasu did not particularly mind since he knew Black would keep his promise to not push this too far. Still, it was hard not to consider giving up on waiting when he could feel Black’s rock hard erection nestled against his backside in their current position. Zamasu shifted his body around so he was facing Black, bringing their faces together with the intention of giving him a chaste goodnight kiss in hopes of cooling things down for the night. However, the instant their lips touched, an even greater flame of passion was ignited, driving them to kiss, lick, and grope each other fervently. Soon, Black rolled on top of him and his hands made their way inside Zamasu’s pajama top, pinching and twisting his nipples roughly as he gripped the sheets and moaned in delight.
Looking down at his counterpart’s lust-filled face, he knew he could probably fuck him right now and he would not even be that upset about it afterward. But it was still too soon; he wanted to wait until he needed it even more. He lowered his face down near Zamasu’s, seeing that he was expecting and preparing for another fiery kiss, but he stopped just short of contact, grinning impishly as he simply said, “Goodnight,” before moving off of him. He rolled over facing away from him, and, being worn out following the previous restless night and emotionally uneven day, promptly fell into a deep slumber.
Zamasu was left stunned, barely able to process the sudden end to their dalliance. “Seriously?” he asked no one, as his partner was already snoring softly beside him. He buttoned his night shirt up again with a sigh. He could not deny that he had wanted to go further, despite his earlier declaration that he would not allow anything to happen until they got to the next planet. But alas, Black had literally put that possibility to rest, and Zamasu was left feeling agitated. He tried to fall asleep himself, but unlike Black’s mortal body, which was highly susceptible to fatigue and needed daily rest, Zamasu’s divine body did not have such requirements. Since regular sleep was not a necessity for him, he needed to be in a very restful mood for it to occur, with his mind at ease. It had certainly been much easier for him to achieve that sort of relaxation ever since he had started working with his other half, as the important work they were carrying out gave him a satisfied sense of fulfillment. But on this particular day, as a result of Black deliberately working him up, it would be nearly impossible to calm himself down enough to sleep at all, on a night when he desperately wanted to so he would not have to deal with the persistent sexual fantasies that would not leave his head.
Zamasu tried to think about something—anything—else to distract himself from what he currently desired most, but his mind inevitably drifted back to vivid, raunchy scenarios that could possibly play out between the two of them. Black’s suggestion that they think up ways to please each other certainly made it difficult for him not to keep mulling it over, and he suspected that had been precisely his intention. He was reaching the point where he ached for relief from this state of arousal, but he had no viable options; touching himself would be undignified, and waking Black up would appear too desperate.
After lying awake for a couple of hours, Zamasu finally arose from the bed in a huff, jostling Black awake. As he registered his partner’s footsteps swiftly exiting the room, his lips formed into a knowing smirk briefly before he fell asleep once more.
Zamasu stormed into their extensive library, making a hasty scan of the shelves for something that might be dull enough to help settle him down. Oftentimes, Black and he would read on topics of interest and have philosophical discussions together, but at this point he did not want to choose anything with content he would find even remotely intellectually stimulating. He picked out a thick, heavy tome that looked to be full of technical jargon and sat down in one of the plush recliners. At first, the tediousness of the book served to work against his goal, as it was hard to force himself to focus when much more pleasurable thoughts threatened to invade his mind once more. However, he did eventually find himself feeling more and more drowsy as he forced himself to take in content he found entirely unengaging, and at some point managed to nod off.
He was awakened the next morning by a gentle touch on his head, looking up to find his partner gazing upon him with a sweet smile. “Morning,” Black intoned softly, his hand sliding slowly through Zamasu's hair. The light streaming in through the window formed a nearly perfect halo around him, his body unclothed save for a snug, skimpy pair of underwear. He looked and sounded positively angelic, making Zamasu feel as if his heart was swelling—among other body parts.
Black could tell that his other self was completely entranced with him, which was exactly the effect he had been going for. Upon reaching the end of Zamasu’s locks, he continued to run his hand downward, slipping over his torso and appearing to be heading toward his crotch area and its enticing bulge, but once he reached his abdomen, he veered off and instead clutched his partner’s hand. “Come. I’ve made tea,” he urged as he pulled him up from the chair.
Black continued to hold Zamasu’s hand as they walked toward the kitchen, simultaneously basking in yet feeling frustrated by the palpable sexual tension. His body was screaming at him to act on his hunger, but he needed to hold out longer.
Once they reached the table, Black motioned for his other half to sit down while he sauntered over to retrieve the tea he had prepared, making sure to shake and sway his ass as much as possible in the process. He smirked to himself imagining how hot and bothered Zamasu must be getting from this display, but then Black suddenly found himself fully clothed, immediately knowing Zamasu had used his powers to dress him. “Were you not enjoying the view?”
“I…I was concerned you might be cold.”
The answer was an obvious lie, but Black did not mind continuing to prolong this game. “Oh? What gave you that idea?” he pondered as he set the serving tray down on the table. “Perhaps…” He ripped a large opening in the front of his undershirt, exposing his chest. “…my nipples were hard?” He grinned lasciviously as he brushed his hands over his pecs.
Zamasu tried in vain to keep his focus on his partner’s face, but his eyes kept wandering down to his stunningly sculpted torso. He promptly removed the temptation by waving his hand and repairing Black’s clothes. Black considered tearing his top open again, but knowing that Zamasu would likely just restore it immediately made the prospect less enticing, so he instead continued on with his task of serving and poured a cup of tea for each of them.
Zamasu picked up the cup and breathed in the steam that rose from it. “Oh? This seems to be a new variety. I haven’t smelled one like it before.”
“Indeed. It’s an herbal blend. I created it based on research of different plant combinations, and gathered ingredients from some of the planets we’ve visited. I figured we deserved something unique, made only for the two of us to enjoy.”
Knowing his other self had put concerted effort into making something original, Zamasu eagerly took a sip. “Mmm. Nice and earthy. A rich, herbal flavor. And I detect spices, as well. Five…no, six different kinds?”
“Right you are. That tongue of yours is truly…unmatched.” He leered over his cup as he quickly gulped the tea down.
Zamasu gazed back flirtatiously as he reached over to refill Black’s cup. “I’m always eager to taste anything you want to give me.” He had not intended to come across so overtly sexual, but it felt like his inhibitions were loosening as they grew closer to departing for the next planet. He took another taste of the tea, feeling like it left a warming trail throughout his body that led straight down into his loins. He finished his cup and looked at his partner curiously. “What exactly went into this concoction?”
Noting Zamasu’s empty cup, Black filled it once more, tilting out every last drop from the teapot. “As I said, it’s a combination of different herbs and spices. Though the particular ingredients I’ve mixed together…” He paused to chug the remainder of his own portion, “…make for a powerful aphrodisiac.” He grinned as he ran his finger sensually around the rim of the teacup.
Zamasu felt a blush spread across his face, his mind already feeling foggy with lust. He locked eyes with Black and gulped down the contents of his newly refilled cup in one go. “Let’s go. Now.” His counterpart wasted no time grabbing his hand and teleporting them to a world in need of their divine cleansing. And though Zamasu had hoped and expected that this planet would be a quick and easy conquest that would allow them to get on with their blessing ritual as soon as possible, they arrived above a heavily fortified city belonging to an advanced race that appeared to number in the billions across the planet. He let out a frustrated groan.
“Something wrong?” Black asked slyly, barely able to contain himself. Still, the prospect of driving Zamasu to break first was serving to tamp down his impulses.
“Let’s just get started,” Zamasu said hurriedly, trying to push aside the persistent desires that begged for his attention. He fired an enormous blast into the biggest stronghold in the city, immediately triggering a defense response from the massive structure that sent automated blasts in their direction. He rolled his eyes as he formed an energy blade to knock the projectiles aside. “Are you going to help with this?” he snapped in exasperation at his other self, who had made no move to assist him thus far.
“S-sorry, I’m just…” he grabbed Zamasu’s face, gently stroking his cheeks. Perhaps Black had taken too much of the aphrodisiac; it was clearly affecting his judgment. “I’m so in awe…of your beauty.” That was all it took for them to be immediately all over each other, lips smashing together and hands groping madly. The defense system was still firing at them, but Zamasu put up a barrier to shield them from its blasts.
“We need…to focus,” Zamasu pleaded between kisses, still firing energy balls from his hands in an attempt to keep their progress moving forward—though it was hard to take his request entirely seriously with his legs wrapped around Black’s waist.
“You’re right.” Black also shot off a series of blasts, though he was essentially firing blind as he could not tear his sight away from Zamasu’s amorous gaze. “I’m trying, but it’s very…hard.” He thrust his hips forward, and though they were both still fully clothed, Zamasu let out an intoxicating moan that was as fervent as if he had been penetrated. The sound was addictive, and it spurred Black on to continue slamming himself against his partner.
“Ah…Ah! W-wait…mmm…oh…unh.” It was difficult to protest while being in such a state of arousal himself, but Zamasu eventually got himself together enough to untangle himself from Black and float back out of his reach. “We’re not making much progress like this,” he motioned around to the errant blast marks dotting the landscape, most nowhere near hitting the fortress they had been trying to take down. “Clearly we need to separate to get this done, lest we want it to take forever.”
“Yeah.” His body was disappointed at this outcome, but at least it would give him a chance to let the effects of the aphrodisiac simmer down a bit so he could later continue on with his plan of teasing Zamasu until he broke. “I’ll go deal with…whatever mortals happen to be in that direction.” He motioned broadly with his energy blade.
“I’ll do the same, in the other direction.” It was certainly the least organized plan for dealing with a planet that they had ever come up with, but both of them wished to get this over with as quickly as possible rather than waste any time coming up with a strategy. They could not help but come together for one more kiss before they parted—one much longer and more passionate than they had intended—before setting off on different paths across the planet.
Usually when they set out to cleanse planets, it was very calculated and precise, with great care taken to only eliminate the mortal life forms they abhorred. This time, however, their procedure was undeniably sloppy, blasting apart gigantic swaths of land in the general direction of human population groups. They both felt it was unfortunate, but their thirst for each other was so strong that they could not help but rush so they could come together again as soon as possible—though still making the briefest of stops along the way to fulfill their obligation of finding something that would please their other self.
Once there were no energy signals left on the planet aside from their own, Black immediately teleported into Zamasu’s path, causing him to fly straight into his arms. He laughed with surprise as their bodies and lips met once more. The effects of the aphrodisiac had mellowed, though they were both still highly aroused. “Are we doing this here, or have you picked out a place?” Zamasu asked breathlessly between kisses.
Black smirked. “Going off our agreement last night, I’ve chosen somewhere I think you’ll enjoy greatly.”
“Lead the way,” Zamasu replied with a sexily cocked eyebrow.
They teleported into a mountainous area, which from above appeared to be shrouded in steam. The air smelled strongly of minerals, and powerful geysers shot up high into the air at frequent intervals. “From our last experience, I know that danger turns you on. So I thought you might enjoy fooling around amid geysers strong enough to tear you apart.”
Zamasu chuckled. “Indeed. Though judging from all the steam, it does appear to be rather hot down there. Perhaps I should...strip down?” As he started taking off his clothes, Black was pleasantly surprised to see that he was wearing something else underneath. “Admittedly, I mostly blasted the cities on this planet to bits without devoting much time to them. But as I was flying near one of them, I happened to notice the many fashionable shops they had. I couldn’t help but grab something for myself before destroying it all. Since you seemed to enjoy dressing up as a mortal the other day, I thought you might like to see me do the same.” During his explanation, he continued to undress and reveal that he was wearing an outfit consisting of a black leathery material that shimmered with different colors based on the angle of light shining on it. The top portion consisted of straps that crisscrossed to form diamond shapes, with a solid portion around his hips that hugged his ass and crotch tightly, leaving little to the imagination. His legs were covered to halfway up his thighs in boots that mimicked the same pattern as the top of his outfit. He posed and inquired provocatively, “Tell me, do you think such garments befit a god?”
“Y-yes. Absolutely.” Black was nearly dumbfounded by how extraordinarily sexy his partner looked. “You look stunning. Gorgeous. The epitome of godly—”
He was cut off as Zamasu kissed him and began tugging him downward through the steam. Normally he would be content to listen to Black praise him all day, but he had grown too impatient to bask in his adorations. They touched down on the ground where they hurriedly removed all of Black’s clothes, and lowered their bodies down onto the warm, wet stones. Black got on top of Zamasu and began to slowly slide his tongue over his counterpart’s exposed nipples. He gasped with delight, reacting even more loudly when Black clamped his teeth down on them, gripping his hair tightly in his fists. Nearby, a geyser erupted, shooting water high into the air and showering them as it came back down. Black hissed as the water hit his skin. “That stings. Must be some sort of chemicals in there.”
“Indeed,” Zamasu’s eyes widened and he broke out into a grin as he relished the prickly sensation of his regenerative powers activating. It awakened his need for an even bigger thrill, so he maneuvered them over to where his torso was positioned directly over one of the geyser openings. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you safe,” he assured his partner.
“I know,” Black replied, then flipped his body around so they were in a position where they could suck each other off simultaneously. He tore an opening in the front of Zamasu’s shorts and began stroking and kissing his erection, while Zamasu reached up and returned the favor for Black. Wanting to make sure that he still had the advantage over his partner, Black moved on from mere teasing and plunged Zamasu’s dick deep into his mouth, moving his head back and forth briskly and using his mouth to create suction. The sudden increase in stimulation caught him off guard, and Zamasu could only lie back and moan as his partner worked him expertly.
Soon Zamasu felt the ground rumbling beneath him, and had trouble gaining enough coherency to warn Black of the geyser that was about to erupt below. “Ah…guh…gonna b-blow…”
Black smirked. “I know you’re incredibly horny, but you’re really coming already?”
“N-no, I mean…get off!” He managed to shove Black off of him moments before a geyser shot up through his chest. Zamasu shrieked in rapture as the concentrated stream tore through him, flopping back and panting heavily as the water rained down upon him afterward.
Black looked down at his other self’s flushed face suspiciously and asked, “Did you get off from that?”
“No,” He answered indignantly, before adding with a sheepish grin, “…almost.”
Black chuckled. “Well, that won’t do. I can’t allow mere water to get you off before I get the chance to.”
“You don’t seem to be in any hurry. I might as well just stay right here on top of one of these things, since they seem more willing to penetrate me than you,” He looked up at Black daringly, sitting atop one of the holes and spreading his legs.
Finally Zamasu was getting frustrated enough to call Black out on intentionally delaying making love to him. Still, he did not yet have him at the level of desperation he craved; he needed to drag this out longer still. He reached down and pulled his counterpart to his feet. “Come. Let’s move to a different spot.”
They flew a bit further down the mountainside, where the violent geysers gave way to flatter surfaces dotted with numerous small hot springs. The two landed on the ground between a couple of pools, where Black immediately pushed Zamasu down onto his hands and knees and positioned himself behind him. “You ready?” he asked, sharply slapping his partner on the ass.
“Yes,” Zamasu answered hungrily, biting his lip in anticipation. He gasped as Black proceeded to spank him forcefully over and over, the sound reverberating off the surrounding landscape.
“Kind of hard to fuck you with your ass still covered, though.” Instead of attempting to remove Zamasu’s outfit, Black elected to form an energy whip with his hand, slashing aggressively at the fabric that posed an unwanted barrier. Even though it was quickly done away with, Black continued whipping Zamasu’s backside, watching sadistically for the brief moment when bright red welts would appear before they disappeared due to his regeneration. “I wish I could mark you permanently the way you marked me,” he took a break from whipping to comment as he rubbed the place on his own ass where Zamasu had branded him, still stinging a bit from the day before.
Zamasu was on a bit of a masochistic high from Black’s titillating assault, but managed to answer, “I’d gladly accept a marking from you, but unfortunately it wouldn’t last.”
“Perhaps we can find some sort of solution.” He was perfectly content to go off on this tangent to continue heightening Zamasu’s agitation, and chose to goad him even further by resting his dick between the crease of his partner’s buttocks. “Somewhere in all the universes, there must be an ink or dye that would leave a more or less permanent mark. I trust your regenerative abilities wouldn’t be activated to ‘heal’ something that’s merely decorating the surface of the skin, right? If that’s the case, we should be able to find something that would work for—”
“Enough…already,” Zamasu interrupted irritably. “Are you going to fuck me, or do I have to do it myself?”
“Technically, those mean the same thing. Whatever we do either with or without each other, ultimately it’s still just us fucking ourselves,” Black answered with a thoughtfulness that went completely unappreciated by his aggravated partner.
“Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean,” Zamasu growled. “Hurry up and get on with it.”
Gratification welled up within Black as he recognized that he had finally gotten his other half to the stage he wanted him at. “I’m not sure I understand. Can you be specific about what ‘it’ is?” he asked with faux obliviousness. If Zamasu could have seen the smug grin he was wearing, he would have surely become even more infuriated.
“Your cock. Inside me. Now,” Zamasu answered brusquely.
“Very succinct,” Black laughed. He repositioned and pressed the tip of his erection to Zamasu’s entrance. “So this is what you crave?”
At the looming promise of getting what he wanted at long last, Zamasu’s demeanor softened and became needy. “Oh, y-yes. Please, hurry. I…I need you so badly, I can’t take it,” he pleaded, his legs quivering with anticipation.
Even getting what he had hoped for did not stop Black from being overcome with a perverse desire to take this one step further. He separated himself from Zamasu, dipping into one of the nearby hot springs. “Maybe we could take a nice long soak first?” he suggested nonchalantly.
Shocked and bereft, Zamasu turned toward him. His expression quickly flashed from looking betrayed to being full of resolve as he marched over and splashed into the same pool. He straddled Black’s lap and lowered himself down onto his erection, hastily burying his counterpart deep inside himself. Zamasu rode him wildly, the water sloshing heavily from his jerky, desperate movements. Black gripped his ass cheeks tightly to help gain control his rhythm, thrusting upward in time as he slammed Zamasu’s hips down with more consistent timing. They managed to establish a steady pace, and both reveled in the divine euphoria they reached as they wantonly celebrated their divine and unbreakable bond. It was not long before both unleashed erotic cries as they were each driven to exceptionally intense orgasms.
Still panting heavily, Zamasu sat next to his other self and placed an arm around him, resting his head against his shoulder. “Damn you,” he murmured, chiding him lightly.
“Don’t act like you didn’t love it,” Black countered as he pressed his lips gently to his temple.
“It was…extremely satisfying, of course,” Zamasu admitted. “But mostly I’m shocked at how you could hold out like that. I don’t understand how your mortal body could withstand such a prolonged buildup when even my godly one could no longer handle it.”
“Because this was more of a mental game than a physical one. Of course it was hard to hold myself back; even going back to last night, my desire for you was ready to burst. However, once you made that comment about how my body had a stronger need than yours, I was determined to prove your assumption wrong. So I started planning how to keep you aroused and yearning for me, while keeping myself in control. Which was a struggle, certainly, but I did manage to see it through to the end.”
“Barely,” Zamasu pointed out. “You were already humping me moments after we arrived here.”
“Perhaps I had a bit too much of the aphrodisiac, or it was more potent for my body than yours,” Black conceded. “Luckily, you helped get me back on track.”
“So I acted as an unwitting pawn in your game,” Zamasu snorted. “And it led to my own loss.”
“There’s no need to view it like that. In the end, we both ‘won’ in spectacular fashion,” Black purred sultrily.
The competitive side of Zamasu refused to allow him to let this go, though. “How is it that your willpower is stronger than mine? I know there are differences between us, but this seems like something that should be easier for me than you.”
“It’s true that this body has more intense needs than my previous one. But in some ways, that’s helped to strengthen my willpower. Since it requires basic necessities such as food and sleep on a more regular basis than I was accustomed to, I’ve gotten used to denying it what it wants when necessary. And while I don’t normally hold back on its sexual urges, having experience postponing its other needs turned out to be helpful in this endeavor.”
Zamasu sighed. “You’re truly something else. I’m constantly fascinated by how my mind combined with a human body has turned out to be such a curious, marvelous being.” There was still a petty piece of him that did not like being proven wrong, but unlike the other day when he had sought revenge against his partner, this time he smiled inwardly as he thought about returning the favor to Black sometime in the future in a positive way. He cupped his face in his hands and beamed at him serenely. “I feel blessed every day that you rescued me from the unfulfilling fate I was faced with. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you, my dearest counterpart.”
“And I’m blessed to have found you, my beloved kindred spirit.” They brought their lips together in an unhurried, intimate kiss. After breaking it off, they snuggled close together and simply held each other contentedly.
“So what would you mark on me?” Zamasu asked after some time, circling back to the subject that had come up earlier but one he had not wished to discuss in his frantic, sex-starved state.
Black had been so relaxed he had nearly fallen asleep, but his other self’s question jolted him back to alertness. He bit his own finger sharply until there was a small stream of blood running down from it. “Stand up.”
Zamasu complied and Black began tracing letters in the language of the gods on his ass cheek. He sounded out the syllables as he felt what he wrote. “Za…ma…su. I suppose it’s only fitting that I should bear the same marking I gave to you.”
“Really, what else would be worthy of being displayed on the skin of the absolute gods of the universe other than our own name?”
“It’s a bit plain to leave it as just that, though. I know I left a simple burn mark on you in my haste, but perhaps we could pretty them up a bit. Celebrate the beauty of these pure, cleansed worlds that we’ve blessed by adding some natural imagery.”
“Whatever you desire. Basic or elaborate, I’m happy to be etched with any design you wish.” Black stood and embraced his counterpart. “With the same permanence as our existence, our beauty, our blessings upon these worlds and on each other.”
“Yes. Our justice, our ideals, spreading across the omniverse and purifying it for all of eternity.” Zamasu hugged him back tightly, his eyes dewy with joy as they envisioned their unending future together. “And most of all, I look forward to being in love with you forever.”
~THE END~
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO
Finally…finally I was able to make myself finish this! It’s been more than two years since I started, and a full goddamn year since the previous chapter, but with a Black/Zamasu Week release date as my goal (that I missed…again :P), I found the motivation. And I’m very happy that more people contributed fics for the event this year compared to last time! I’ve been waiting three years for this pairing to get popular, and it seems like within the last year it’s definitely been getting more attention. I hope that means I’ll continue to see more great art and fics for them as new fans find their inspiration (and I’m still obsessed with them, so I’m sure I’ll be back again with more fluffy smut and/or smutty fluff ;P). Thanks for reading and putting up with my shitty release schedule!
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crysberry · 7 years
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i still hate you | steve harrington smut
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pairing: steve harrington x female reader
request: Girl I need some more Steve smut in my life😭 Could you do one where Steve and the reader go to school together and "hate" each other and are always arguing but in the middle of one of their arguments they stop and just start making out. Then they use edging, and have hot sex, but please no "I love you" at the end <3
warning: smut - sexual content, unprotected sex
word count: 1636
a/n: i wanna know what you all think! feedback is always welcome! 
“This is bullshit.” The sound of Steve’s voice made your eyes flicker from the notebook in your lap, to Steve sitting at your desk. His feet were crossed and resting on the desk; body slouched in the chair as he flicked his lighter on and off.
“Steve, do you really think this is how I wanted to spend my Friday night?” You placed your notebook on your nightstand, shaking your head in disbelief. Sure, Steve wouldn’t have been your first pick for a partner, and you wouldn’t have been his. However, you weren’t willing to let your grades slip because your teacher paired you two together. “I hate this just as much as you do, but at least I’m trying.”
“You always make me look like the bad guy.” Steve placed the lighter on your desk, taking his feet off the surface and spinning around in the chair to face you.
“That’s because you always are the bad guy.” You laughed coldly, watching Steve’s expression go sour. “You’re so conceited.”
“I’m conceited?” Steve questioned, as if this was the first time he was hearing such an accusation. There was no doubt in your mind that this whole ordeal would turn into a huge argument, it was inevitable.
“Steve, you make everything about yourself!” 
“No, I don’t.” Steve stood to his feet, walking over to the edge of the bed and you stood up as well.
“Face it, you’re obsessed with yourself!” Steve didn’t have a comeback and you watched as he just stood there listening to you insult him. “When will you realize that no one cares about your stupid car, or your stupid parties or your stupid hair!”
You had nothing left to say and your chest was heaving up and down as your breathing slowed. Steve’s silence was aggravating and all you wanted to do was slap the amused smirk from his face.
“Are you gonna say something or just stare at me-“ Before you could finish your sentence, Steve pulled you close. In a rush his lips were on yours. It took a few moments for you to come to your senses; letting your eyes flutter closed as you kissed Steve back. The kiss wasn't gentle or sweet. It was needy and heated as Steve’s tongue moved against yours.
You couldn’t fathom why you were so tempted to continue kissing a guy you found so repulsive. The fight you were having moments prior floated to the back of your mind as you grabbed at Steve’s shirt, pulling him closer.
Steve’s intentions were obvious as he reached for the hem of your shirt, pulling it upwards as you broke the kiss. His eyes remained fixed on yours as he pulled the shirt over your head, tossing it to the floor.
Steve gently shoved you towards your bed, watching as you fell against the sheets. He pulled his shirt over his head before joining you on the bed and straddling your hips. He didn’t say anything, simply reaching for the zipper of your jeans while keeping direct eye contact with you. He dragged the denim down your legs before moving back up to hook his fingers in the waistband of your underwear. He dragged the lace material down your legs and you let your eyes flutter closed. 
For a moment you considered shoving Steve off you, remembering just how much you hated him. But then his hands ran up and down your thighs and you couldn’t help but sigh at how good his skin felt against yours. 
You’re eyes shot open as Steve’s hands spread your legs apart, positioning his face between your thighs. 
“You’re so wet for me.” Steve chuckled cockily, winking up at you. 
“I still hate you.” You reminded him, placing a hand on the back of his head and pushing his face to where you needed him the most. His hands wrapped around your thighs, pulling you closer to his mouth. 
Steve groaned against your clit, never breaking eye contact as his tongue lapped at your wetness. His lips continued to suck on your most sensitive spots and you felt your body began to shake beneath Steve’s touch. Your heart was racing, the sound echoing in your ears.
“That feels so good.” You mumbled, mouth falling agape as your toes curled into the bed sheets. Your hands reached down to tangle in Steve’s hair, guiding his face against you. You were so close, just needing one more flick of his tongue to push you over the edge.
But then it stopped.
Your head shot in from the pillow, eyes peering down at Steve to see what was wrong and why he has stopped when you needed him the most.
“What the hell?” You shrieked, still trying to catch your breath.
He just flashed you an amused smile from his spot between your legs, before pressing a kiss to your aching clit. Your breathing sped up again as he kissed your inner thigh, then your hip, moving further away from where you needed him the most.
“Steve.” You whined, instantly regretting the boost you must’ve given his ego. His kisses trailed all the way up your body until he was face to face with you, watching your sweat-covered body quiver beneath him. “Please.” You whimpered out, hating how desperate you sounded.
“You need to use your words.” A cocky pout played on Steve’s lips and you’d never been so angry. You knew he was just teasing you in hopes of getting you to play his little game. But you also knew that if you refused to play this game, Steve would get up and leave you here alone.
“Please, fuck me.” You choked out, even pouting in an attempt to egg him on. 
“Well, since you asked nicely.” Steve sighed before sitting up to unbutton his jeans. He was taking far too long for your liking and you couldn’t help but let your hand trail down between your legs. Your eyes fell back against the pillows as you ran your fingers across your clit, sighing as a shiver ran down your spine.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Your breath hitched in your throat as Steve grabbed your wrist. You glanced down and realized that he had managed to get his jeans and boxers off while you had been touching yourself.
“Nothing.” You whispered, staring at him with doe eyes.
“That’s what I thought.” Steve smirked, letting your hand go and reaching down to spread your legs further apart. He occupied the place between them and you watched his every move, trying to be patient as he lined up with your entrance.
You grabbed a fistful of the sheets as Steve pushed into you, bracing yourself as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. Steve struck you as the gentle type but the way he was thrusting into you meant otherwise. His hips bucked up against yours harshly, causing your eyes to roll back in your head. He was moving quickly and you felt your high nearing, seeing as though you had come to close to it only moments prior.
You were so desperate to get over the edge, whimpering and crying out as Steve groaned against your neck. 
“Steve, I can’t wait any longer.” You screamed out, wrapping your legs around his torso tightly and tangling your fingers in his hair.
“Not yet.” He grunted, turning his head to look you in the eye. He continued to move in and out of you, keeping eye contact as he held himself up by his forearms. You were so sensitive that postponing your orgasm began to ache and you needed to let go.
“Please, let me come.” Your hands tugged him closer as you clutched onto his shoulders. You sounded so desperate, begging him not to pull away at the last minute again. “Steve, I can’t-“
And just as you were about to crack, Steve’s hands snuck between the two of you; his fingers rubbing at your clit and ultimately throwing you over the edge.
“Oh my god.” You screamed out, clinging onto Steve like your life depended on it. All the waiting made your orgasm more intense, your body shaking as you lost all control.
The sound of the headboard smashing against the wall was drowned out by your screams and calls of Steve’s name. He reached his high soon after you, moaning and panting as he pulled out of you. His muscles tensed against you and then he relaxed, falling limp on top of you.
The both of you remained in that position until Steve rolled off of you. You just laid there for a moment, unsure of what to do next.
“I should get going.” Steve blurted out, breaking the awkward silence.
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” You nodded, pulling the sheets up over your body as Steve got up from the bed. You stared at the ceiling as he gathered his clothes from your bedroom floor and got dressed.
“See you tomorrow at school.” Steve waved, pulling his shirt over his head and awkwardly stepping out of your room.
“Yeah.” You called after him, turning onto your side and cuddling further into the pillows.
You were startled when you heard a knock on your bedroom door. Steve peered into the room again and you rolled your eyes.
“I just have a quick question.” He stuttered, running a hand through his silky hair. “Do you actually think my hair looks stupid?”
“Steve, go home.” You groaned in annoyance and pulled the sheets over your head until hearing his footsteps walking down the hall and away from your room. 
Although you didn’t get any school work done while Steve was over, you did learn one thing. Sleeping with Steve made him slightly more tolerable. 
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artificialqueens · 7 years
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But I'm A Cheerleader! - Chapter 9 (Aja x Farrah) - Millie
A/N: I decided to update earlier than usual since I’ll be away with family on Friday. Enjoy! <3
There was no sound in the corridors the next morning, except the resounding thud of the policemen’s boots. Aja’s blood ran cold when they first entered her classroom, ready to arrest James and Chuck.
“You have the right to remain silent,” one of them told the two as they were being put in handcuffs. “Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you can not afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been given to you?”
They simply nodded, both their faces pale and gaunt. Their expression strangely pleased Aja.
The two boys were escorted out of the classroom, and that’s when the silence hit. Everyone shot up from their seat and attempted to peer through the door, and all the classrooms that lined the hallway did the same. In the class opposite her, Aja spotted Farrah, her lips in a straight line as she watched the scene rolling out in front of her. No one else in the school knew about the mugging, and soon it’d be printed in all the local newspapers. Even the teachers were clueless.
Miss RuPaul appeared at the end of the corridor and shot James and Chuck a deathly glare. The fact that she said nothing to them told everyone that she had no tolerance for their crime. She then turned her head to face the rest of the corridor, and the remainder of students scampered back into their classroom without a word.
For the rest of class, not a single student spoke or interrupted their teacher. Everyone was shellshocked. When it was time for break, it turned into something that no one could shut up about. With each step Aja took, she was greeted with new theories, some going as far to guess that they committed arson, or even murder. Aja just wanted to tell them the truth to avoid hearing all the absurd assumptions, but she wasn’t going to betray Farrah’s trust like that.
Aja sat down at the table with her friends, and they were already discussing their own theories.
“What if they robbed something?” Nina suggested.
“They probably just smoked weed and got caught,” Charlie said. “They’re sophomores or something, and a lot of sophomores do it.”
“Come on, it has to be more serious than that,” Alexis insisted. “Miss RuPaul looked like she was about to kill them.”
“Guys, what about the game tonight?” Jaymes piped up. “If they’ve been arrested, who’s going to play?”
All the Glamazons shared looks between themselves, but they knew that neither one had an answer for that question. There would be outrage if their headteacher postponed this season - cheerleading and football was these people’s lives, and it wouldn’t be taken lightly. Aja noticed that Shea’s jaw was already stiffening, and she had a look of malice in her eyes.
“Those dicks just had to go and do something stupid to mess it all up,” she said through clenched teeth.
“We still have the West Hollywood Cheerleader Tryouts,” Sasha reassured her. “And I’m sure they’ll find new players soon enough.”
Shea nodded, but didn’t look convinced.
“I just want to know what they did to get themselves arrested,” Nina said.
“We’ll probably find out later today,” Aja added. “I doubt it’ll stay a secret for long.”
-
Farrah Have you seen the news? [Attachment]
Aja clicked on the link that Farrah had sent; it was a local news article reporting on the case. At the top were mugshots of James and Chuck, both looking very sorry for themselves. Serves them right.
She mindlessly skimmed the article, until she came to the end, which told her what their sentence was. Oh, how ready she was for those dickheads to be punished.
”Due to Smith and Johnson still being minors, the consequences will only be light. The two boys will serve three months of community service, most likely cleaning up the parks of West Hollywood.“
Community service?! Aja’s blood boiled, and she couldn’t even imagine how angry Farrah must’ve been. Those disgusting people deserved prison time for what they did.
Aja What the fuck.
Farrah Yeah. I was in court earlier today for their verdict, and the article just got posted.
Aja Are you okay?
Farrah Not really.
Aja continued to read the article time and time again, unable to comprehend what it was saying. For a crime that caused someone so much distress, hardly anything was being done about it. In three months, James and Chuck would forget about what they did and continue the rest of school like normal, with little to no repercussions. Just the thought of them being able to freely roam the streets made Aja’s cheeks flush with anger. However, amidst all her fury (and her fourth time reading the article), an idea sparked in her head. She quickly texted Farrah and told her to meet her a couple of streets away from the park.
-
“You know I have places to be, right?” Farrah questioned Aja as they walked towards the park.
Aja shushed her. “You can wait. This will be worth it.” They walked down the street, Aja’s heart thumping with anticipation. To their right was the police station, a bitter reminder of what had happened not long ago.
“Is this what justice feels like?” Farrah asked, her head bowed a little so Aja couldn’t meet her eyes.
“This is a poor representation of justice, if you ask me,” Aja replied.
“I wish they were locked up,” she said. “At least school would be a little more tolerable.” The sadness in Farrah’s voice tugged on Aja’s heart; she really felt for the girl. A few moments later, they approached the entrance of the park.
“Well, I hope this makes you feel a little better.”
Farrah looked up at Aja with curious eyes as they continued to walk, but her expression completely changed when she saw who was standing in the distance. Several metres away was Chuck, a high-vis jacket on and a plastic trash bag in one hand. The other was holding a stick that he was using to pick up litter; James was standing a few feet from him doing the same. A police officer observed from one of the park benches.
Farrah burst into laughter at the state of them, and Aja noticed again how her nose scrunched up endearingly when she smiled. She looked up at Aja with those puppy-dog eyes of hers, although this time they looked more thankful than begging. Her gratefulness pleased Aja.
“See? This was worth it,” she told her.
“Thank you, Aja,” she said. “Seriously, you didn’t need to do this.”
Aja shrugged. “I just thought it might cheer you up.”
“It did. Thank you.” She beamed a smile at her. “Do you think it’d be alright if we stayed and watched?”
“I thought you had places to be?” Aja teased.
“Those places can wait,” she said. She led Aja over to the swings which they sat on, lightly pushing themselves with their feet. The early evening went by slowly and the two enjoyed each other’s company, the crickets and cicadas that resided in the grass eventually beginning to make a sound. They laughed to themselves each time James or Chuck dropped some garbage. At around 7pm James, Chuck, and the officer cleared out of the park, and their fun was over. Aja was very tempted to pull some trash out of her pocket and throw it in their direction, but resisted the urge.
“I really should get going,” Farrah said. Her long, blonde hair waved in the breeze that was picking up.
Aja couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. “I’ll see you tomorrow at practice, yeah?” she asked.
“Sure thing. And thanks, again.” She leant over from her swing and pulled Aja into a tight hug, their awkward position making the whole ordeal a little uncomfortable. Nevertheless she hugged her back, and her hair softly brushed against her cheek. The hug was over quickly, and Farrah was on her way.
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canaryatlaw · 5 years
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alright, well today was pretty good. I woke up nice and early at 7:30 am to go to the dentist of all places. got ready and made it on the bus shortly after 8, took it to the train and took that downtown. Halfway through the loop it changed from a brown line train to an orange line train which was super odd so I just got off and got on the next brown line train because I didn’t know if the orange line was going to suddenly veer off in another direction. So I made it to the appointment right on time. This was to get a crown put in for the tooth that I managed to break last week on a fucking piece of gum of all things (it was one that started as like a hard tablet, but still). So that’s a whole lot of unpleasant stuff, and this tooth is the one all the way in the back on my upper left side, so the position was not great. I have a pretty high pain tolerance though so I can usually deal just fine, I just don’t like the feeling of having my mouth numb. so most of it was okay, there was one point where he was trying to get these like bands on the tooth to push the gums back to get the crown placed and there wasn’t enough anesthetic and HOLY FUCK did that hurt and I knew I visibly flinched multiple times which is just not something I do with doctors lol but thankfully he added more anesthetic and after that I could barely feel it so I was very glad that was fixed. It ended up taking like 2 hours, gotta come back in 3 weeks for the permanent one to be placed and have a temporary in the mean time, so take it easy for now. I figured I had just enough time to get back on the train and get home for my 12 pm chiropractor appointment, and that ended up working out perfectly, I got there right on time. That was pretty good, my back pain has actually been like really improved just this week already so I’m very happy about that. Most of the exercises we were doing today was shit I knew from PT and had done many a time, I just tended to get a little overenthusiastic with them so the trainer was just like “yeah maybe just not so high” when I’m like flinging my leg up to the ceiling, lol. So that was a good appointment, went home after and had some lunch, then spent a while listening to podcasts on my computer before watching 2 episodes of The Americans and half an episode of Reign before getting ready and heading out. I thought we were gonna do small group this week because we postponed last weekend, but there were no messages from anybody, so I guess we’re just gonna use this as our off week (as it would’ve been originally if we met last week, but we didn’t) and pick up next week. The leadership has been super disorganized this semester which like, I knew going in and was why they asked me to step up and take like a little more responsibility when the actual leaders couldn’t be there but like, I haven’t even seen one of the leaders yet this term and we’ve been meeting since early February, lol, and the other I haven’t seen since the first meeting, so that’s not great. But since that wasn’t happening I was going to meet Jess at her work and we were gonna go see Shazam, so I took the bus down to where her school is and waited by her car until she got out (she had to park a little down the street from her school but it was actually right where the bus stop is so it was a lot closer to me than her, lol). We decided to just go to Olive Garden for dinner since that’s what we did last time. Unsurprisingly, it was a lot more crowded on a Friday night than it had been on a Tuesday night, so the service was definitely somewhat slower, and we ended up pushing our movie plans back from the 7:30 showing to the 8:45 one (I had gotten the tickets early because it was opening weekend and I thought they might sell out but the fandango app is pretty great and will very easily let you transfer tickets to another show time if you can’t make your original one). But dinner was good, there’s always so much food lol I have to choose what I actually want to eat, but I was fairly satisfied with what I got. Once we finished that we drove over to the movie theatre and parked, then walked in the lobby and paid for parking before going inside and showing our tickets. It was only like 8 at this point so we had some time to kill, and they had a little mini-arcade including some claw machines and Jess was saying she was amazing at claw machines, so we spent $5 to get one of their play cards from which she won two rubber ducks for us and won me a little stuffed husky dog stuffed animal which is very cute and I love him very much. After a while we headed in and just waited for the movie to start. The theatre did end up getting pretty crowded by the time it started, but amazingly the two chairs directly in front of us remained empty despite all the chairs around them being filled, so we could put our feet up on them lol. And so we saw Shazam! It was really good! Definitely one of the better DCEU movies (I still haven’t seen Aquaman so I can’t place that, but from what I’ve seen I would put Shazam after Wonder Woman in terms of quality). It was definitely more of a comedy than the other movies and they definitely embraced that which was a great choice. I really appreciated all the kid actors and I think they all really knocked it out of the park with stellar performances. Overall it was a really solid and entertaining movie that I would highly recommend you go see. So I was happy with that. Once it was over and we had stayed to watch both post-credit scenes of course, we headed home and Jess dropped me off. I was pretty tired since I had been up so early so I started getting ready for bed not long after, then of course ended up wasting time anyway doing a million other things and now it’s past 2 am, welp. I think my roommate is having friends over for breakfast tomorrow to make “chicken and waffles’ but I’m hoping I can at least get a decent amount of sleep, and that is what I am going to start on now because I am very tired right now. Goodnight sweeties. Happy weekend.
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chloemill · 6 years
Text
On jury duty, a Tinder date and what’s in my coat pocket
GOOD MORNING, VIETNAM/BALTIMORE/AMERICA depending on your taste in entertainment!
It has been, honestly, a fucking eternity since I last wrote and by that I mean about two years maybe? I don’t know how any of us POSSIBLY carried on that long without hearing my bullshit thoughts in a long-form medium. I did okay because lucky for me, I get to hear said thoughts running through my head 24 fucking 7, which is why I have emotional problems best addressed with a mental health professional - BUT! We beat on, blogs against the current
Seeing as I just rolled back into town, I’ll give a brief State of the Union: I work in fitness now, which is, as you might’ve guessed, an absolutely thrilling environment for someone extremely fraught with body image issues! Just kidding.* It’s going rather well, I think. I waited tables for three plus years, and those of you who have ever interacted with me for more than 30 seconds are probably aware that I am... shall we say... not the right fit for the profession. I’m pretty good at turning it on and pretending like I give a shit (I have a very expensive degree in the theatrical arts to prove it) up to a point. But then people start acting like assholes and my tolerance level for that tomfoolery is subzero, so I really can’t be messing around in in the restaurant industry anymore. I’m pretty sure they don’t miss me, either, though.
More life updates - I am single now which, of course, means I have been on Tinder and as the prophet Troye Sivan once said, My My My! do I have thoughts on that. I’m thinking actually that maybe I should do a full post on it? Yes? Later? Tell me if I should so I actually do it because we all know I can’t motivate myself to type anything longer than 280 characters. Names and pictures will be blocked out to protect the innocent BUT, as a teaser, I will tell you briefly about one date I went on a few months ago. We had a perfectly lovely time getting drinks and chatting and I was like wow what a grand old time that was! The next day I went back to his profile to stalk him a little more and saw that, in the twelve hours since last we saw each other, HE ADDED “Still looking for someone that meets my high standards!” TO HIS BIO and proceeded to (unsuccessfully) hit me up for sex three (3) nights in a row. Naturally, I ghosted him because 1. k and 2. ……..k? He is currently a law student at a very Prestigious™ school so hopefully he can meet a maiden fair in those hallowed halls that meets these elevated standards. Apparently the bar was set a little lower for after-hours activities, but everyone’s gotta compromise somewhere I guess
NOW THAT THE UPDATES ARE OVER, it’s only fair that I tell you about my day. Those of you who are following along on Twitter (colloquially known as The Hellsite) might already know that I am currently being a beacon of truth, power and JUSTICE at jury duty. This, somewhat embarrassingly, was my fourth, count ‘em FOURTH summons. My first, which I think was in 2017?, I postponed because I was out of town. The second - which honestly I was planning to not mention until about thirty seconds ago when I decided, fuck it - I straight up forgot about until I found the paper a few months after the date and was like “hm, surely this isn’t bad enough to warrant jail?” and forgot about it again. The third I postponed yet again because my parents were in town and didn’t they deserve the pleasure of their eldest daughter’s company for a few goddamned days, after all they’ve done for me? And then the great city of New York sent me a letter in the mail saying “get your negligent ass down here and schedule a time in person or we are going to smack you down HARD with the hand of the law” (I have loosely paraphrased but this was the gist).
So in maybe November-ish, I went downtown, straight up terrified I was going to get fined or in trouble somehow or something, but they just politely let me pick a day to serve and were like ok, see you then, loser! Frankly, the most significant thing about that day was going through the metal detector on my way in. They don’t make you take your coat off (nice!) but you do have to empty your coat pockets (boo!) but I didn’t have anything in my pockets (nice!) so I started walking through. Just before I did, though, the security guard asked me to check my pockets one more time, and as I am a Woman Of The Law now, I obliged. Turns out there was something small in my pocket, felt kinda like paper but I figured hey, may as well take it out just in case! Reader, I wish I was joking when I tell you I pulled a goddamn (unused) at-home UTI testing strip out of my pocket in front of God and everyone. I don’t know why I had it in my pocket and I don’t know how long it had been there, but there it was, plain as fucking day and marked in BIG OL’ LETTERS for the world to read. To make matters worse, they’d already sent my bag through the x-ray, so I had nowhere to stash it. With what I can only assume was primal, animalistic terror in my eyes, I scanned the area for a trash can, but found nothing. So I was forced to gingerly place my UTI testing strip in this poor security guard’s hand - a man just trying to make an honest living, who asked for none of this - and the eye contact we made was some I won’t soon forget.
Needless to say, today I TRIPLE checked my coat pockets (one check for every jury duty summons I rebuffed, how apropos!) before walking through the x-ray and we thankfully, we suffered no similar surprises. I have been in this room for about five hours, plus an unnecessarily long lunch break. Highlights include, but are not limited to:
1. The EXTREMELY early 2000s video they make you watch explaining how a courtroom works, featuring many actors saying things like “No further questions, your honor.” and “The jury has reached a verdict!” and “We are showing you this because you are all idiots and you can do absolutely fucking nothing about it”
2. The man next to me who is snoring loudly. I hope wherever he is right now, it’s peaceful
3. The minor lap dance I recently gave said sleeping man next to me whilst trying to climb over him to walk to the water fountain without waking him up (fortunately or, depending how you feel about me, unfortunately for him he didn’t wake up)
4. An elder several rows in front of me who keeps hacking so loudly I want to escort him to the nearest urgent care :(
5. The first hour of waiting, when I, scrolling Twitter, clicked a video of those stupid fucking Covington Catholic school boys without realizing my volume was all fucking way up and a muffled “IT’S NOT RAPE IF YOU LIKE IT” played from my phone in this silent ass room for all my fellow Americans to hear. Sorry guys
6. Had a nice salad a little bit ago
7. Wrote this
8. Only a couple hours left!
9. But they haven’t called a SINGLE name which probably means I’ll have to come back tomorrow :(
10. I’ve forgotten what the original premise of this list was so it’s time to stop
If I’m stuck here again tomorrow all day in this dry ass dusty ass room that makes my eyes hurt, I will surely post again. If they have mercy and release me, well, let’s hope I’ll post again because honestly it took two years to get to this point and it took being trapped in the same room for six hours for me to crank this out. Till next time - take care of yourselves, fuck those MAGA kids and please remember to check your pockets before you approach a metal detector
*I am not kidding
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