#i think ill start coloring my digital art like this it actually looks pretty cool

[the-unofficial-village-idiot]

They may have canonically been gay-for-pay but they're gay-for-free in my heart

[azulas-lightning-bolt]

I truly do not know why I am letting this see the light of day, but here.

tw: really bad art under the cut

fem mako with all my little hcs applied so she doesn't look even slightly like the original. you're welcome. I was hunched over my dad's nice drawing computer (he's an architect) for about five hours trying to figure out how to digital art on krita. this is the best I could come up with.

I kind of like this so. I'm gonna yap a bit about my 'artistic intentions'. starting off there's the qipao, which was originally going to be red/gold like the ref pic I used, but then I was like. what if I made her look even more ek. and then the qipao turned green. this was mostly just me testing out shading and stuff, and I'm honestly pretty proud of the qipao in general. it's hard to see in the finished piece, but the contrast between shaded and flat colors is actually insane. I'm not too happy with how Mako herself turned out.

however.

the hair and the makeup are my newest prized possessions. like. the eyeliner. the little hair pieces sticking up from the ears. the lipstick. the little blush. aosufhoafhosaiff. also her eyes?? I wasn't sure but I really wanted to include the central green/gold heterochromia, and this was born. and her little mole. I was giggling to myself drawing that on. I thought the purple snake tatoo on her arm would be a cool nod to some of mako's concept art w an arm tatoo and also a,, backstory,, w the triple threats,, but i didn't really like how it turned out. left it on just because.

and on the topic of her arms. I don't fucking know how to draw burn scars. help. or arms, actually, but whatever. revisiting those the arms are actually so bad but I was staring at the computer screen so long I could taste the colors. I hate anatomy and that is why I write more than I draw. and the fucking lichtenberg scars. I'm on the brink. they look so cool but my hand was cramping so goddamn bad drawing ten thousand little lines on my pixelly fucking krita canvas oh my god. though if i may i would like to direct your attention to the scars on her ear. I thought that was a neat little detail but idk.

otherwise anatomy-related I tried to give her that blocky ek build as well, although I think it came out more clunky than anything. though honestly I’m not too upset as this was a practice. I might go back another day and fix it to be slightly less terrible but. whatever.

uhhh the background was supposed to be the fire nation emblem and her name as, like, a newspaper cover or something. if my handwriting wasn't terrible, I would've written on the little boxes of subtitles like, 'captian and firebender of the up-and-coming probending team, the fire ferrets' and 'the survivors of a true rags-to-riches tale; the background of the newest probenders.' so yeah that was kind of the idea with her name in the back. also she doesn’t have her scarf because uhhh. I forgot it but we’ll just. pretend. idk. I also do not know how to draw scarves so,,, yeah.

i love her so much btw i'm really mentally ill abt her. if anyone has like art tips. please share im really new and really bad at this.

ps: she does still have the eyebrows, the pointy part is just hidden under her hair.

[gobstoppr]

Okay but in all seriousness the way you use color just shifts something in my brain whenever I see it, ESPECIALLY when you choose vibrant colors for the entire piece or only add one vibrant color because just AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH the way I'm SOBBING every time because it's so damn good

Also when you opt for more pastel colors????? It's been a while but back during ✨️our Kirby days✨️ you posted an art piece of Meta Knight sitting in the moonlight and just. The lines, the moon popping out thanks to the limited color pallet, the pastels, the way you made him So Fucking Shaped. It's literally the first thing that comes to my mind whenever I think of Meta. It's just such a stunning artwork like hhhhnnnnggggggGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO GOOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I LOVE IT

AAGHHHHH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH

this made me smile sm

im rlly proud of that meta knight ur talking about.. it was originally a physical sketch but i liked it sm i turned it digital and then i got silly with the colors

ive always been proud of my colors, but in the past (like idk 7 years ago) i had a weird limited approach to things. i figured out the trick of like,, taking something whose base color is pink and shading with purple. and then that was all i would do, because it pretty consistently made stuff that was pleasing to look at

and i developed a bit on that sorta style for years until my spamton era happened. i started using mspaint a TON and it radically changed my approach to coloring. having to both go into a seperate menu to select colors AND having the black/white slider be required to color pick Made it so that i had to experiment a lot more. mess around, maybe try a lower saturation. and after a while i started getting obsessed with grey tones.

my old old art was all super colorful, but in a sorta predictable way. its nice but didnt leave much of an impression

but in like my current era i use a lot of toned down colors. desaturated, greyish in betweens, playing with warm greys v cool greys, actually appreciating complementary colors

butyeah thats all to say. uh. i like colors a lot and i think about them alot

there r always new ways to approach coloring something and u can make some crazy stuff

ill admit that i feel like alot of my doodles n stuff look a little samey atm. u can tell what colors i default to when im feelin lazy lmao (cream, teal, green, warm pink, etc. all desaturated of course) but then again i havent been drawing much lately, the sample size isnt super big

i wanna make more shit i just never have the ideas or motivation.. i jsut end up doodling fish furries lol

uh i got distracted. anyways. thank u sm.....

[sitron-sunni]

a get to know you better meme

tagged by @dummerjan, tysm!<33

do you make your bed? no.

what's your favourite number? Four! No reason behind it, I've just always really liked four.

what is your job? don't have one

If you could go back to school, would you? I'm in school! I actually had to drop out for several long years due to chronic illness. I had to move to find a school willing to provide accommodations, but I got started again with online classes almost three years ago. Now, I'm finally (finally!!), wrapping up my last subject for upper secondary school, which qualifies me for higher education. I literally sent in my application for art school last night<3 Everything is terrifying but also exciting but also terrifying but also there's no other way but forward, so.

can you parallel park? nope, I can't drive.

a job you had that would surprise people? Have not had any jobs.

do you think aliens are real? Well yes. the universe is infinitely big, I do believe some form of life exists out there, whether single-cell organisms or a more intelligent species. Do I think they came over here and built the pyramids? no. no i do not.

can you drive a manual car? still can't drive...

what's your guilty pleasure? i don't know, do i have one? I like lots of things people might find cringe, like, 80's love ballads or early one direction songs, but I wouldn't say there's anything I think of as a guilty pleasure.

tattoos? can look really cool on other people, though they're not necessarily something I'm inherently attracted to. also, they are not meant for me. I'm too indescisive, too afraid of making a mistake, and too aware of how changeable I am. I hope I keep growing and changing for the rest of my life, and I don't wanna put marks on my body that define me as someone I've moved away from, if that makes sense.

that being said, there are some tattoo artists i follow on instagram whose work i really like. People who do the loveliest watercolour work, people with insane colors, people with gorgeous, folk art-style. If I had to get a tatto, I would go to one of them, and let them dream up something wonderful.

favourite colour? yellow! yellow-y orange! sunlight!<3

favourite type of music? I think spotify usually tells me it's some type of folk indie pop rock-thing, but it's easier to answer the reverse: I don't really listen to opera, screamo/heavy metal or dubstep/edm. Aside from that? I love gathering artists and songs of all different styles from all over the world in all different languages. I'm eclectic at heart.

do you like puzzles? yes, although it's a struggle to do physical puzzles as I can't seem to find a spot with good lighting. But I've done lots of digital puzzles and they're fun.

any phobias? my fear of insects has gotten progressivley worse. specifically the crawling ones. especially if they have lots of legs, and are fast. ughhhh. does it classify as a phobia? idk.

favourite childhood sport? the words 'childhood' and 'sport' in combination are rarely associated with enjoyment for me. idk. we played a game similar to baseball sometimes, that would probably have to be the one but... I've never really been a sports-person...

do you talk to yourself? Hm. rarely out loud, but often in my head.

what movie(s) do you adore? the first lotr movie = ultimate comfort movie. Mamma mia, pretty woman, notting hill, wild child = fond childhood memories w/ my mom. Billy Elliot and the way back are two movies I've watched several times and really really enjoyed, like they just stand out in my mind. Divines, which I stumbled across on netflix, is possibly my fave. If I were to rec someone one movie, it would be that one. I just think it's good. I vibe with it.

coffee or tea? coffee, I cannot stand tea.

first thing you wanted to be growing up? A hairdresser, maybe? and I wanted to be a designer for several years after I read the book threads by sophia bennett, lol. Grew out of that one around 13/14 i think.

tagging whoever sees this and wants to do it!<3

[kaleidiope]

September Project updation post in October because, well, i’m silly

This post I’ll mainly talk about my plan for my stories, and the things that’ve changed along with my plans for them and such. This was suppose to be in September but, I procrastinated, so yeah!  And, a ‘keep reading’ line to keep things tidy looking! Also, I actually had this as a draft, but forgot about it! Also, also, please don’t mind all the spelling errors that i’m sure is in here, this is quite long, and i’m so sorry for all of that!

You all know the drill, this is an update for the story I've been working on. It was made in roughly February of 2019. Or at least, that’s when I got the idea for it. I’ve been working on it seriously since September of 2019. So, for about a year. On this blog you can find a good bit of random things about it, including drawings. A lot of the drawings I've done I never posted, maybe one day, probably never, but still! A lot of this Blog has actually been WIPS of my story. And, since those past updates, story pitches and such, a few things have changed, and that's what this is about!

First, for those who don’t know, I feel in love with One shot, Deiland, Moonlighter, Borderlands, and a few other games. Mainly One shot for it’s vibe, it’s feel. I loved it, maybe too much? And, really wanted to make something like it. I don’t see that atmosphere much, personally. On Music box maniacs, a lovely site, I was given the idea to make a melody for a character. And that’s how Umber came along. Over time, I kind of made Umber, and left her. Started trying to get into digital art, but without a tablet I tried to create a character that would be easy to free hand with a mouse. Which became Pax. Over time, I feel in love with Pax’s design. I drew him a lot, he was my first, and only OC. I’ve drawn random people and thing’s before, but he had a name. An age. And soon, a back story. He was set in a different world than Umber’s. Which, at this time, is almost abandoned. He was a potion seller’s child who only wanted to go on the adventure’s the customers where experiencing. And one day, he’d face a dragon, and possibly his fate. But that was scraped because each time I drew him, more and more, the backgrounds reminded me of Umber’s story. So, he became a child in her story and his was abandoned.  Umber was suppose to be a child traveling with no family trying to get awareness of her light to others. And once meeting Pax in another shop, he agreed to help her. So, you could say, Pax was Moonlighter based, and Umber was One shot based. The idea that her light was a bad thing and there were ‘”bad people” didn’t come until later. Though, Crimson was suppose to be a bully type of person who mocked, and even at times, almost hurt Umber. Because also, at this time, everyone was children. Once it was thought over for awhile then did we get the story line we have now. Umber was an inventor in a world suffering a seeming eternal eclipse. which was ruled by a corporation that was money hungry and didn’t care for the greater good. The world had glowing bugs that somehow emit a good amount of light, and through time and a lot messing and discovery, oddly power? Which is what the corporation sells, Starworm lights, and “batteries” of a sort. The bugs also allow some things to grow, but with them being harvested as much as they are, the corporation is killing the world. But, that won’t be their problem, they’ll be dead by the time it’s an issue. Now, we have a lot of characters and general world building stuff, along with the flora and fauna and how things work. So, let’s begin! (Yes, this is going to be a long post. I’m so sorry!) But, I have since changed a few things, which I will now state. I was pretty heck bent on giving them ages, but, I don’t wish for them to have any, anymore. This is not earth. It’s a planet without a sun. Keeping track of time is easier than days, let alone years. So for many, it’s just a toss up on how long they’ve lived for. Just a mere, rough, idea. I wanted ages for personality comparisons and height ideas for when I draw them. Which, was never my idea at first. This was just for OC’s to draw, yes, but then it became a story for them, along with for my own enjoyment and somehow it became more than that. Which, I oddly love. But, ages were more for an even sillier reason I've since abandoned as well, and I think the story’s better off now since then. Also, they were all children at a time. Adults wouldn’t even have names or faces, All adults were originally suppose to get full face masks. Instead of half masks. But Indigo ruined that, and after that, some of the characters were being made older. To fit with the personalities, for say, Talos. He was also a child, who I didn’t feel being a child would fit the character and mainly, their job in the story as a whole. So yes. The story itself wasn’t the main idea. Having OC’s to draw were. But I was given a lot of support on MBM with my story pitches, also, I enjoyed making them. So I continued. And I really enjoy this. World building has been the hardest, trying to make things make sense, like the eclipse lasting years. And the fact a moon bigger and that much closer to the planet would most likely make the planet itself, the planet’s moon, and the moon, the planet. And how is life still possible, along with, isn’t it cold? And to that, yes, yes, yes, and maybe XD Mainly, this is fantasy, yes, I do want it to make sense, yes, this isn’t earth. The people’s races aren’t our races, calling them human might just be an insult to them. I mean, they don’t even have pupils. (Thanks, odd drawing style.) So, my answer to a lot of this is, it’s not earth. This is fantasy. I’m doing this for fun. And I’ve done a lot research for something that was never suppose to be as much of a thing as it is, but i’m having too much fun to stop now. And with that as well, yes, a lot of my characters are suppose to have a deeper skin color. Talos, Mauve, Indigo, and so on, are suppose to have a more deep olive color. But, at the time of drawing a lot of them, I didn’t have the faith to execute other skin tones correctly. So I just didn’t. Just like drawing illustrations for my story. I didn’t think I would because I didn’t think I could, but i’m now willing to try. So, here is where we stand so far! I want my characters to have a rough age, but it could be depicted to give of take about three years. I’ve said I wanted Pax to be about 11, but I also see him to act older for his age and such. The idea of him being any younger seems odd, but if you wanted to give him a 9-15 age for an example, that’s more than cool. That goes for all my characters. I want a lot of my characters to look like their own character, i’m working very hard with redraws to make sure there’s noticeable differences with their noses and eye shapes and such.  I want different skin colors and face shapes and so on, but the idea of different races on such a small planet and even the idea of tanned skin in a world without the sun to give one a tan seems odd to me? But there will be differences, because I always wanted there to be. This story will indeed cover some heavy topics. Including but not limited to, alcohol, death, suicide, murder, mental and physical disorders and illnesses, such as DID, alzheimer’s, dementia, memory issues, abandonment, and a form of racism. All things are not straight out talked about or referenced, but lightly implied.  I took inspiration from a lot of things. (including places, animals, other stories and people) And I will not refer to any of it within my story, such as DID. There is already too much falseness and other wrong info on that and other things. I do not trust myself to paint it in a good light, nor a correct light. And will re-frame from actually stating a character has an identity disorder. The idea this world knows of DID and would use the same word is also something I question. But the characters disorder is based on DID. (Also, it’s Tobias.) The idea of genders is something that’s a toss up. I’ve never said anything of the sort and would rather not say anything. The idea that they have genders or sexuality is just something I don’t really want to think about and is rarely mentioned. The idea of love and such is mentioned, purely more for a joke/bit. But still I don’t wish to think of my characters with genders or those parts no matter what I refer to them as. Not mention these characters still aren’t human. I do use She/he/they pronouns for my characters and as of now have used phases like, “That guy” But, it’s become a personal running joke I want to make clear at the start of my story that it was translated and adapted to fit this worlds standers of word form. There are roughly 25 characters as of now, only five main characters, or should I say, five characters that get there point of view expressed. And about six support characters, and the rest are minor support characters. Some of these characters are only mentioned, or referenced, as an attempt to build the world. Questions are always open, and this story is undergoing many changes and constant consideration. As I learn, grow and improve my skills.  I have no hope or want for this to get big or anything of the sort. this is for fun. 100%. If it looks like I talk about this a lot, but never have anything to show for it, it’s because I want it to be perfect or close to it before I show anything. Which will be never, because I can never make perfect. I’m just trying to do the best I can and am pushing the limits of my skills to get there.  I should note, I am fine, I’m not “Pushing” myself. Which is why it’s taking the time it is.  I am really working on character personalities and keeping them coherent and sane along with the same. And talking about all this helps with that. As for now, I know what I want to do, and where I want my story to go, i’m just figuring out how to execute it best.  I’m more skilled in writing where I describe things, mainly emotions and the scene it’self. Along with script writing. I’m not skilled with writing conversations which is a large part of my story. Same with drawing backgrounds or anything that isn’t people. So my story so far reads a lot like a script due to how the conversations are laid out and due to how I describe how each thing is done. This is something I want to get a bit away from because it was purely so I wouldn’t get lost and confused with who was talking and the emotion/feel of each scene.  That’s because I have the attention span and instruction following skills of a carrot. I use my characters names far too many times along with a lot of other things I use for self help clarity which I hope to fix by the end. I do think it’d be cool to start dropping parts of the story and other things of what I have done, with the note that it could change. I feel it’d be fun, but i’m very hesitant to do so.  I do wish to make character bios and such for them all at some point and just have a post that lays down what has been decided so if anyone wants they can follow along with the process. But, that’s all a toss up as of now. Thank-you for reading, and for your time, I hope you have an amazing day! And I dearly apologize for this length! 

[hysteriamodes]

Coloring in grey scale

So, hey, this is somewhat of a tutorial for those curious about some of my coloring and blending. I made this especially for anyone younger than me and is exploring digital art, but this is also for others who are curious about what I do. I love reading other artist’s comments and looking at their WIPs, so why not.

Another reminder: if you’re looking for my artwork, please follow @rainbow-illness and not this blog. All of my finished stuff goes there; usually, my works in progress (WIPs) or Angry Doodle Corner go here. Sometimes I use this blog to repost my art, but that is my official art blog, no this one. Not unless you like nonsensical posting and metal, then have at it. If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to hit me up, I love talking about art.

So I can’t always sit down and talk about my processes and how I go about doing them, but I was able to sit down and take some screencaps while I was working on my iPad Pro. Using the iPad is actually my first choice to draw on because of the convenience of carrying it around like a sketchbook, whereas my laptop isn’t always easy to carry around--it’s a big laptop. While I use my iPad, I also like to go back and correct things, recolor, re-proportion, or spend more time privately working on a drawing. I have my iPad with me, all the time, so I’m out in places usually like Starbucks doing this. I also struggle with pretty bad PTSD and agoraphobia, so having my iPad out with my headphones on gives me an excuse to put my mind elsewhere to calm down.  My family just usually looks at me and goes “oh, she’s working on her art again”; I did this as a kid, too, only with sketchbooks.

I do not have a Cintiq either, though I would absolutely love one. This laptop is capable of using a stylus, but I think I need a better one to do it with. All I’m using is a cheap Wacom Bamboo tablet that I’ve had for five years, that’s it. Everything I’ve done on this blog has been on a small surface. So if you’re just dabbling into art, don’t beat yourself up for having the small stuff, I’ve worked with small stuff and still do. The only thing I have that’s not small is, well, the space and processor on my laptop are much faster than any other laptop I’ve owned, bought especially for graphic design classes and my artwork. 

So, that being said lemme just forewarn some of you guys. My artwork is all done in two to three layers! Yes, you read that right! Why? When I was 16, I didn’t have a Wacom tablet to mess with, so I had to use a mouse and learned from there. When I turned 18, I got my first Wacom tablet while working my first official job and the family computer didn’t have a good processor. So when I got my first official laptop, it was basic and not made to run anything beyond the web browser and such, it could barely handle Photoshop. It did, however, run Paint Tool SAI with no issue (which is why I still prefer it over anything I use), it just couldn’t handle more than five layers. After losing my drawings constantly and not being able to do anything in the prized software I’ve been eyeing since my Sophmore year of high school, I found a workaround with it. 

And that’s what I’m going to write about here. With that in mind, no, you do not have to limit your layers! I’ve taken traditional art classes so my first instinct is to literally paint over my stuff like I would on a canvas. If you don’t want to do that, you don’t have to! Yes, I am nuts. 

That being said, let's do this.

If you haven’t taken traditional art classes, that’s cool! I’m going to be using some art terms you haven’t heard of, but you definitely will when you take your first ever drawing class. These terms are foreground, value, negative space, contour, and weighted line (I’ve seen it called line weight too). For the more experienced art students who are likely groaning over that stupid contour practice from that book “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain”, I’m sorry, guys. Newbies, you are going to know this. 

And you are going to hate it. While I still hate it and, yeah, my eyes are rolling into my skull right now just even talking about it, there are some useful practices in here that I... actually use. Who would have thought? At least we’re not talking about still lives.

Anyway, here’s what I’M going to say that some art teachers will not tell you but I want anyone to read this to know:

- Do not obsess over your drawing to look exactly like your reference. Just don’t. Forget this completely, worry about it later or don’t even worry about it at all. This is your style, your interpretation.

- Digital art is hard. Art is hard! Practice makes perfect and you learn over time just by studying (looking at) other pieces of art. It took me like well over 10 years to find my own little niche and I’m still playing around with coloring styles. I have a lot.

- If you’re just starting to draw with a tablet of any kind, play around with it. My first official program was a cheaper version of Paint Shop Pro and when I first got it when I was 14, I sat around and experimented on layers to see what it would look like. Explore!

- When you start drawing figures or faces, try not to think of it as, well,  face or a figure. Reduce it to basic shapes, like squares, triangles, and circles.

Greyscale can establish light source, value, scale, and negative space.

I don’t always use greyscale for my art, but when I do, I appreciate it because it makes my life easier. For example, Alphonse Mucha’s pieces here from his “Slav Epic”.

Chances are, you’ve seen Mucha’s art nouveau on prints, fanart, fabrics, and all of that. But Mucha did so much more and he is a huge influence on me for a reason. By the greyscale we see here, we can see foreground/subject with each illustration. Mucha is using value (that’s shadow) to emphasize this, in addition to negative space (background) to draw you in, just by using black and white. Notice how the other subjects don’t have such a powerful contrast and light source versus the other, especially the woman on the left. Mucha made his art pop by his understanding of contrast.

For this first part of this entry, I’m going to be using Papa Emeritus II from “Ghost”... who is a good example of how to draw faces, too. Huh. Regardless of what drawing program you’re using, keep your opacity low, at 50%.

Simplicity at its finest

Instead of focusing a lot on Emeritus’ face, I’m going to focus on the negative space behind him. I’m using this to define his figure. This is a good picture because of the stark contrast, though, it’s a little tricky because it is really contrasted and you can’t see where the light source really is. But that is okay!  I am going in and just using this negative space, the contour of his head and torso. Before I even think of a face, I want to softly go in and use black (or grey) to fill up that negative space. Keep it simple and work your way up.

After I lightly fill in the negative space around him, I can start lightly going in and establish his face by blocks of shadow.  And this is why Emeritus II is such a good example for this kind of work. I don’t usually start going in and drawing eyes, I rely on the shadows of the face to see where their eyes, ears, lips, and such lie. 

Here’s another example (though, it’s old):

This is in my maroon style underpaint, which is what I post most of the time. For their faces, I just used basically eye sockets to start working on their faces, like Papa Emeritus II down below. Again, this dude is a great example.

Here is where it may get a little funky.  I created a new layer and set that layer to Multiply, still keeping that opacity low. Since I have no light source and I just want to create a really dramatic lighting, I made a vignette with a simple airbrush tool.  

With that little vignette, you can create a new layer (unless you’re me, I just merge it down because of that constant fear of nonexistent software crashing) and I’m using the color pick tool to go back and forth to start using greys to really get into Emeritus’ face, especially his wrinkles. I’m painting over it constantly, switching back and forth between a paintbrush tool and color pick tool to blend. Again, keep your opacity low... unless you’re me and you’re feeling adventurous. You’ll also notice here that I have more than one photo reference. I use several for a lot of my art, so I encourage you to do the same. I had no idea what his jaw looked like, so I grabbed a second photo. Now that I have a better idea of where his hat ends on his forehead and how his nose looks, I start doing a weighted line.

Weighted line and Contour

Now is the dreaded talk. Of contour.

Welcome to Drawing I hell. This cursed image is from the book “How to Draw on the Right Side of the Brain” and if your teacher does not talk about this in your first drawing class, I am going to eat my hat... I have a hat lying around here somewhere. ANYWAY, the contour line exercise is basically you just using a neverending line for a drawing. I don’t know who drew this (and tbh, thanks a lot for every single boring assignment I’ve done in drawing classes), but this guy used contour lines for his drawing. I’m having war flashbacks over here, but I managed to find an art teacher’s page talking about different types of contour. My god, they are evolving.

Going back to our dear friend Papa Emeritus II, I used weighted line to start adding in little shadows to his face.  Weighted line goes hand in hand with contour; it is a great technique to not only add details, but add little bits of shadows.

This is a simple example; the thicker line is adding to the shadow of the apple, giving it value!

Papa Emeritus II is such a good reference... I used him as inspiration for King Melwas here.

Gwenhwyfar is also a good example of weighted line. Gwen is essentially a very, very pale character. In contrast to Melwas, who is in darker clothing, Gwen is soft, she is the focal point in this drawing. For the little pieces of her hair, the corner of her lips, eyelashes, and her fingertips, I used a weighted line to establish these things, otherwise, Gwen is so pale, she’ll easily be washed out completely.

This drawing of Alice, which I’m still messing around with, is another example of how effective a weighted line can be with depth. The lines I added into her face, eyelashes, creases, hair, and fingers add those little details since everything I’ve done before like Papa Emeritus II was so soft with a low opacity on the brush settings.

Layer masks and curves

There are two ways you can color greyscale images.

You can do this by going into Layer > Adjustment Layer > Curves (this is how it looks like in Procreate).

This gives you a neat ol’ base color! I am playing around in the blues, adding soft hues of blue in their figures and the white in this picture can either turn blue, cream, or even green. You don’t have to use Blue, you can use any of the other colors. For me, I’m always drawn to blues. Another cool thing to play around with is Color Balance, which is underneath the same function as Curves.

But if you don’t have any of these, you can add a new layer, and do Multiply.

The only drawback to this, of course, is how destaturated (the lack of color) it looks. And yes, that’s an issue you will have and I did run into this while doing this. How I combat this is using additional layer masks. Believe it or not, Alice here was once at a grey scale, looking even more desaturated than Gwen.

For Alice’s face, I went in and use:

- Soft Light because she needed more peach and roses in her skin. Omri’s original drawing gave her a light rose blush so I wanted to do the same.

- Overlay to mask out the black lines from the greyscale I had.

- Lighten which I used to make her lips pinker, her apron’s shadows lighter, and parts of her hair brown.

The same went for Gwen, who is, again, very pale. But while she’s supposed to be pale, I didn’t wash her out completely. To add more saturation, I used a combination of Soft Light over my Multiply layer and Overlay to start working at the highlights on her hair, nose, and shoulder. 

This little walkthrough isn’t as visual as I like, but with limited software like Fire Alpaca, GIMP, or Paint Tool SAI that don’t have the abilities of Photoshop in terms of color correction and playing around with colors, I really encourage you, readers, to play around with these tools. Using the color picker back and forth, especially after using layer masks, gives you an ability to mix and blend colors. The reason why I work with greyscale or a maroon under paint is that you can create brilliant colors and make a new palette; the trick is to constantly mess around with them. I never go in and flat out color anything, with the exception of things like “angry doodle corner” which is basically what I call my lazy drawings, drawings where I’m just honestly goofing off with.

So in summation...! Or me trying to summarize this.

 Experiment and explore with layer masks and adjustments. Whoever says that using these tools isn’t real art, they’re wrong. And please don’t ever be afraid of using references of any sort!  Alphonse Mucha is saved ten times over on this computer.

[dangoghz]

legitimate advice for new phandom blogs

hey !! so i know sometimes posts like ‘RULES FOR THE PHANDOM XD’ are made and they’re all like “numba one. dan is a squishy bean respect this uwu” but this isn’t gonna be like that lol. im just going to list a few actual things that might help people new to the phandom learn about and become integrated into the community! of course these aren’t ‘rules’ and u dont have to listen to any of it ofc,,, im not here to control ur blog, just here to say what people normally do. feel free to rb whether u are a new blog or not, ill appreciate it either way!

(NOTE: PLS TELL ME IF ANY OF THE LINKS DONT WORK AND ILL FIX THEM PERIODICALLY!)

italicized text is defined in the glossary at the bottom!

1. be interactive! 

here, unique to our corner of timmy darn communism, we have a lot of like virtual traditions that everyone knows. these help you to make friends and also grow ur blog with some new mutuals. here are some examples.

networks: networks, or nets, are a sort of selective gc, usually with a theme or concept that it’s based around, in which all who wish to be part of fill out an application form that determines whether they get in. this is kinda the one with the most work, as u also have to make a group blog and info post, but it’s definitely worth it. i have made my closest friends in nets (such as @phleurnet which i birthed), and a lot of people on here would say the same. if you want to know more or apply, my friend diana runs an update blog @phandomnets! (examples, these are all open btw: x x x)

meetups: meetups are not in real life, don’t worry. a meetup is when someone organizes a specific time at which we all post thing around a certain theme! for instance, on halloween on tuesday, my friend milo hosted a halloween meetup. usually people post selfies but if u are uncomfortable with that, u can post art, music, or anything else related to the theme. a blog called @phandommeetupwatch keeps track of these! (examples, all happening soon/just happened: x x x)

follow forevers: a follow forever is a big celebration post when u reach a follower count milestone, no matter 50 or 5k. u tag all of the blogs you love, and they reblog it to appreciate u! it’s really positive and shows people how their work has paid off. usually people are tagged in alphabetical order, and sometimes people bold their favorites but the stylization is up to u. (recent examples: x x x)

milestone activities: sometimes people do things for their followers when they reach a follower count that involves their followers requesting something! there are many many forms of this type of thing. a common one is blog rates, in which there is a set template and the blogger rates each blog that sends in an ask using the template (info post ex: x; rate ex: x). there are also url edits (x), name/url moodboards (x), and more. u can certainly come up w an idea of ur own, being creative is great!

talk to people: that’s right dude!!! ye!!! u can message a blog u think is cool, or send an ask if u think something they made or are talking about is interesting, or add something sweet in the tags (more on etiquette later) when u rb their post. additionally, sometimes people stir up discourse, and u should participate in it if u want (past discourse examples: x x). u can also send asks when people reblog ask games, which are a list of questions with a theme (new one of mine ex: x). 

2. play around with your blog!

customizing your blog can start giving you what we call a branding, making you distinguished from other bloggers. this can include everything from as simple as using an icon to coding your own about page. 

themes: a blog can be way more appealing if it is aesthetically pleasing. admittedly, i often follow people just because of the smoothness of their mobile theme. a mobile theme is rather easy to construct as u can do it on ur own with a phone. it is how ur blog looks on a phone. although u don’t have to do this, i recommend sticking to two to four colors on ur theme and avoiding stuffing it with a lot of bright things because it can distract from content. additionally, bloggers often make their descriptions short and succinct. (my fav mobiles: x x x.) on a pc, your blog theme can be customized completely on html, meaning there is a lot of freedom. u don’t have to learn to code for this, bc u can find free themes anywhere, just search ‘free tumblr themes’ on google. once again, be creative, but u shouldn’t overload. (my fav pcs: x x x.)

about pages: in order to avoid chunky descriptions but still let people know the key deets about themselves, bloggers create about pages. sometimes these bout pages are uncoded but u can also use html code if u want to. some common things in an about page are interests, maybe personality types/horoscopes/hogwarts houses, original content, and links to other social media. (examples: x x x)

urls: urls are a key part of your blog’s brand. ‘rebranding’ is what people say if they change their url! if u are tired or bored with your url, changing it is an opportunity to change your theme and other parts of ur blog as well. (url change ex: x). 

saved urls: saved urls are basically when bloggers hoard sideblogs in order to reserve the urls used for them. if you ever encounter a blank blog that has ‘saved’ as its title, that’s probably it. sometimes people like to give away their urls, either as a constant thing (ex: x) or by doing a url giveaway (x). either way, it’s a good opportunity to change it up!

tags: in order to keep their blog cleancut and organized, a lot of bloggers have special tags for certain people, certain topics, and/or certain types of media. many people in the phandom particularly have tags for dan and phil that match (strawberries and cream, lune and sole, etc). if they have many of these tags, there can be a page for their tags on their blog. this page can be coded with special html or just a regular tumblr page, it doesn’t really matter. but it’s very useful for those who visit your blog, and makes it easy for u to navigate older posts as well! (examples: x x x)

3. learn to make og content!

producing original content helps you establish what your strengths are and why people should follow you. it also allows u to contribute to the fanbase, and gives u a chance of being noticed by dnp! and the validation is lovely. there are many options if u want to make something. 

gifs: gifs are an ART here in the phandom, and its mechanisms still perplex me to this day bc ive never tried it. u probably already know what a gif is, but if not, its essentially a short animation made in photoshop that repeats. gifmakers are often distinguished by a unique coloring (example gifmakers: x x x), such as my friend emily’s smooth dark blue tint (x). it can be a long process to learn how to gif but it is very rewarding in the end, from what i’ve heard. (tutorials: x x)

art: there is a very wide range of phanartists, all with such talents, either digital or traditional, that you can draw inspirations from for your own work. you can make cartoons, comics, realism, abstract, nsfw even, or any mix (or none) of the former. artists on tumblr definitely deserve more attention than they get here on tumblr, so be sure to show appreciation towards them! (my fav artists: x x x)

edits: edits are the Graphic Designs of our community and are usually very aesthetically pleasing. they can be centered around a certain event, like a video or something dnp made, or just for fun. the more practice you get making them, the more dexterous u’ll become. they can be a great tool if u like the design aspect of art but don’t want to actually draw. (edit makers: x x)

icons: icons are just the little profile picture that u can insert for ur blog. it’s really easy and fun to make them, kind of like a lazy version of edits. you can make them using photoshop or an app like picsart or medibang, and it doesn’t take a lot of time. more on how to use icons in section 4. (examples: x x x) (my lil tutorial: x)

moodboards: moodboards are nine pictures arranged 3 by 3 that have a certain color scheme. it’s kind of like a collage except the photo feature here separates the pictures for u. there are a lot of innovative moodboard makers that stun me w how pretty it looks or how they arrange the pics. moodboards are also an easy and fun option! (moodboard tags: x x x)

textposts: this is by far the easiest and more common form of content u will find. it’s just writing about dnp in a textpost! if a textpost isn’t very serious, people also call it a meme or shitpost. shitposting is defs on the rise here so its a good business to get into. it’s also a great outlet for ur emotions or personal connections to what dnp do! (example talk tags: x x x)

fics: by far the most famous media to come out of here, phanfiction is a popular form of phan indulgence. u have probably heard of the most scarring ones (list: x), but there is actually a really vast range of it, not just creepy smut! some other genres are fluff, angst, and slow burns. u will discover that, despite the sterotype, not all fanfiction is bad. you can find lovely fics on @phanfictioncatalogue by genre, au, or topic. and, if u need help writing something, many writers would love to help. (a few well-known fics: x x x x x)

4. tumblr etiquette!

i know tumblr might seem like a simple social media (or perhaps not after u’ve read all the above?) but there’s a lot of things that u just....u just don’t do. it’s sort of like virtual manners, and if u don’t follow them, then it’s unlikely that people will like ur blog. once again, this is by no means me forcing u to run ur blog a certain way. it just happens that the types of ppl who break these rules are who we mock in gcs :////////. so yea, here’s some advice.

credits: if u decide to use someone’s art, edit, gif, or icon on the theme of ur blog, check what they require of u before u use it. most content creators strongly ask for credit in the description of ur blog, either by link or like ‘icon/header/art by ____’. it is just a common courtesy to the person who spent time on that, and if u think credit will ruin the aesthetic of ur blog, a) u probably don’t have an aesthetic in the first place and b) learn to appreciate art, binch. 

anonymity: anon asks can be very powerful either negatively or positively depending on how u yield them, so make sure that u are careful with what u send. compliments are always welcome and criticism as well, but blatant rudeness or hate will do nothing. u will only make someone feel bad about themselves and it will not accomplish anything. also, u face the threat of all their friends turning u into a meme. 

sensitivity: a lot of people here are way too easily offended by harmless jokes, a common example in the phandom being when we insult dnp affectionately and people take it way too much to heart. please don’t start drama over something w no real meaning. however, there are times when it is indeed necessary. if u want to criticise a blogger, be respectful of them simultaneously. by all means, if u spot someone being racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynist, or the like, feel free to call them out on it. but beforehand, make sure that u have done ur research and are educated on the topic, or u could turn out to be blatantly wrong. 

adding to posts: everyone makes this mistake when they start out here and that’s totally okay, but adding to every post u reblog is incredibly bothersome. a rule of thumb would be don’t add anything unless what u say will actually improve the post significantly. if ur additions are along the lines of ‘LOL’ or ‘i relate!!!!’ or ‘philly is a smol bean XD’, learn to use the tags for heaven’s sake. they’re there for not only organization but also for commenting. some exceptions, though, would be if u are mentioned in the post or the op is your close friend. 

respecting privacy: this should already be obvious to u, but respect dan and phil’s boundaries. do not tag them or their main tags (#daniel howell, #danisnotonfire, #amazingphil), in any phanfics, phanart (like specifically with them as a romantic ship), or phan edits. do not talk to their family members, expose their personal info like address or phone number, and do consider that they are real people just like u. we may make things based around phan, but it is kept in a community for us and not for dan and phil’s eyes. this is very important.

5. have fun!

sorry if this is all overwhelming, but i tried to make it as simplified as possible. and also sorry for the sass, i’m kinda tired of all the ding dongs on here and want to prevent further ding dongs from being created. thanks so much for readin and be sure to send me an ask anytime if u have questions! welcome to hell!

glossary

timmy darn communism: me being my usual weird self and replacing ‘tumblr dot com’ with random words that start with the same letters

mutuals: someone who you follow and who follows you; usually who u interact with most

rb: shortening for ‘reblog’

discourse: when theres is intense discussion of a certain topic, sometimes phan-related sometimes not, sometimes serious and sometimes silly

branding: the word ‘branding’ kinda started as a joke, but it’s generally what we use to call what someone’s blog reminds them of, whether it be a certain color or a discussion topic; my branding, if u asked a mutual, would probably be impressionism, tea, and baguettes (dont ask ab that one)

html: a simple type of coding used for designing websites! u can learn basic html here or here, it’s way easier and funner than it looks

dnp: dan and phil; we also say ‘deppy’, ‘dip and pip’, ‘the boys’, ‘the rats’, and more

coloring: basically the stylization of a gif, shown through filters, textures, contrast, brightness, etc. 

talk tag: a tag in which all of the textposts that a person makes are sorted into

phanfiction terms

smut: porn fic :/ 

fluff: just what it sounds like, a type of fic that usually has a lot of soft stuff like cuddling, flirting, and looooove

angst: a fic with a lot of drama, usually sad or very emotional

slow burn: a fic where a pairing, in this case phan, slowly falls in love

au: stands for ‘alternate universe’, a fic in which dan and phil are written not as youtubers but in a completely different scenario (ie. bad boy and new guy in high school, university students, space exhibition, anything u can dream up really)

anon: short for ‘anonymous’

op: short for ‘original poster’, aka who made the post

[twilightvolt]

A 3 month late art summary featuring art that i haven’t uploaded here due to my absence. unless i randomly feel like it, i don’t think i’m gonna go back and upload them here. if you wanna see them, though, they’re all on my DA.

I know i've pretty much said all the important bits in A Sacrifice for the Wind, but i figure i reiterate everything said along with expanding upon everything that occurred during 2017. piece by piece. and yes, i did intend to make an art joke. So, to get it outta the way, 2017 stunk more than a dead fish on a city bus. i lost a lot during that year. i lost the will to believe in whatever the future had in store for me, i almost lost a few friends, i lost my motivation to work on my projects and above all...i lost the smile i've always kept on every year before that. never have i been so emotionally damaged in all 5 years of my artist life leading up to this point. But, i can't say it was completely terrible. as much as i bashed it, art wise, 2017 was a very progressive year. looking at every wedge on the clock, i can't stop staring at how far i've come since the end of 2016. after being stripped of my tablet at the end, i've even learned how to not be afraid of making permanent mistakes. But yeah, let's begin. by turning the clock all the way back to January. when things were much simpler.... January: Hukaro Nakawa ~Final Mix Yeah, this was done in October, but i uploaded it in January for Moon's birthday. plus, there was nothing noteworthy this month. i still remember all the nice comments i got. this was the beginning of a year that i ran right in and yelled "LET'S SHOW THIS WORLD THAT WE WON'T STAND FOR ANOTHER 2016!" Oh how naive i was... February: The Beast Inside Remember when i played a lot of League in my free time? i sure do. anyway, this was my next attempt after Hukaro to continue doing my "Squeenix Cinematic Style." this time on the, at the time, new revamp for Warwick. needless to say, i still think i did a better job on Hukaro. BUT, this was still pretty good. it was during these first few months when things were really lookin' up for me. i was continually working on things cuz i really wanted to make something and school was pretty cool too. March: Digimon ZX Cover ZX ISN'T DEAD I SWEAR! *ahem* I MEAN....hai. owo As we march on into March, i think R2 of Digimon Temporal Jump was going on at the time. we were going through our story entries and things were pretty great being with my best buds. i also began doing art streams i'm pretty sure, with this drawing in particular being done during two days of streaming. i'm being serious, by the way. ZX is not dead. i've been typing up the story on my phone, so look forward to those chapters sometime soon! April: Are You Ready? Yup. in anticipation for Digidestined.Com, i decided to start seriously developing Digimon Unchained ahead of time so people would be able to get to know Yuki beforehand. unfortunately, i didn't actually get to start the story until much later, but that was just me being a lazy bum. i was hangin' out on Discord and stuff, talking about how excited i was for what was to come. we all know what happened, but at the time, being able to go back to the world i once knew with Luneth was a big deal for me. it's like i was going back to the beginning. And fear not, peeps! i've been working on Unchained for quite awhile. you'd be surprised how much i've worked on it with Gao. ^w^ May: Bits n' Bytes Ultima Vocal Collection Oh yeah, i did a birthday gift for Fire too! just so you know, i do still wanna make OSTs for my other Digimon adventures, but without my tablet i can't really do them right now. this month was pretty alright if i remember. making new friends and strengthening bonds with old friends. things were pretty fun in the sun cuz y'know......summer was coming. June: Connection Flow in Ice and Snow AWWW YEEEAAAAH, LET'S KICK IT!!! *Another Way by Girugamesh plays at full blast* (if .Com had a vocal OST, that would be opening.....3 if i remember the list i made. would've been the final opening i think. it's been awhile since i looked at the files.) Now that .Com finally began, i was on the hype train to the sun as i feverishly worked hard on my .Com stuff. this poster was one of my proudest works this year tbh. i promised i would make something great outta this story. this would be the closure that Luneth and Vivi so desperately needed, and Yuki and Arcus would be the ones to save them and close their book for good. not only that, but i was also graduating high school. after throwing my cap in the air, i said my heartfelt goodbyes to all the friends i've known since elementary and middle school including the close friends in my AP Art Squad. Team AP Art Will Never be Apart! honestly, things couldn't be any more exciting for me. Gee, it would be a shame if something were to happen that would trigger a chain of events that would divide my friends forever and send me down a spiraling pain train to the void known as crippling depression. July: DigiJuly Day 5: V-Mon (Vivi) This drawing was done to commemorate three years of adventures with Luneth and Vivi. this was during DigiJuly, when i was doing Digimon doodles nonstop for the duration of the month. What was once a hype train became a train wreck once July came around. things were ok until DTJ burned down in a raging fire and that set the stage for the rest of the year. i literally wouldn't be able to overcome any of this until November or so. i don't wanna dwell on it anymore since i'd be sounding like a broken record at this point. August: D3P: D-Sona 3 Portable Not a lot of art this month either. can you believe that? XD Hoo boy. August. need i say anything more about this month? we thought things settled down after DTJ shut down, but something was amiss.... This was the month that it happened. the climax of the story best left untold....even though i told it a hundred times already. >_>' Outside of the incident, time was running short for our stay at our current home and we were thinking of our next move. i began to worry about college as steep student debt caused us to have a change of plans on where to go. i was beginning to doubt if i even had a future to believe in. i was running out of options, and i was running out of hope. And trust me, it only gets worse from here. September: The Next Generation After awhile, things were still going on outside my realm of knowledge. it only made me feel worse seeing everything transpire long after the initial conflict. with this stigma hanging over me, i finally decided to pack my bags and leave the Digimon group era of my artist life. it was a pretty sour note to end it on, but let's be real here, there was no way i could wait any longer for things to get better. granted, my birthday was awesome, and i couldn't thank everyone enough for coming together to try to bring my spirit back. unfortunately, my bout with depression was just beginning. it was so bad, i pretty much stopped taking care of myself, which would lead to a few days ago when i'd end up with one less tooth in my mouth. i swear i won't let it get that bad again. With everything plummeting down to the dark abyss, i said goodbye to the life i once knew. from here on, things were about to change. i wasn't gonna end here. not now. October: Howling in the Shadows From this month forth, my family had no idea where we were going. the beginning of the tale of the borderline homeless that still continues to this day. Packing away my computer and drawing tablet for what feels like an eternity, i was moving out of my current home that we rented for the duration of my senior year and into grandma's house......in a raging storm. i'm not kidding. the rain was so bad that when we got there, our clothes were completely soaked and we couldn't even see 5 feet ahead of us outside that night. i knew immediately that it was some sort of ill omen for what was to transpire in the coming months. in fact, i even had dreams of the aftermath of what might happen. Now that i was stripped of my digital art abilities, i had to think of something else to do. so, i decided to dedicate myself to going back to traditional art. Boy, did i have fun. November: Return to the Realm of Sleep Now, this was the only thing i was able to crank out in November. BUT, that doesn't mean i didn't draw. i drew stuff, but nothing noteworthy enough to upload here. i'm gonna tell it to you straight now. Arcus will return. With my mental health still kicking me in the butt (it hit me so hard i had a panic attack one day.), i wasn't really motivated to draw much. in fact, i even hid myself away from the internet for quite awhile. without my friends or my sense of purpose, i felt like i had nothing and i was pretty under the weather for a majority of this month. that being said, i snapped myself out of it by force. it was stupid that i still felt the way i did months after what happened. sure, it was horrible, and i wish i could forget everything. but i can't stay stuck in the past. And so, i picked up my colored pencils and other such tools, and began my journey to recovery. December: Lexicon (Lex) and A Sacrifice for the Wind I got the hang of drawing traditionally pretty quickly. throughout the month, i was on fire, drawing masterstroke after masterstroke. (at least, in my opinion. XD) Making my new home in the mobile communities of Amino, it was a nice change of pace from the big screen of my computer. i made a bunch of new friends (to the staff of the Aminos i'm in and the rest of the crew in our Digimon Discord server, you guys are the best and thank you for healing the pain of yesteryear!) and had a grand old time making new OCs, Lex being one of them. i honestly luv Appmon and i wish we got more, but i'm content with what we got tbh. it'll live on in Seikatsu and his friends. be ready to see them once again in the near future! And so, in the wake of destruction as the world continues to change around me, i chopped off my signature anime emo locks, revamped my wardrobe and set my sights toward the future. Nowadays, i've completely moved on from the pain, but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened. overall, 2017 was a complete pile of poopoo garbage and i'm glad the nightmare is finally over. Even if i can't completely write it off as bad, there's just way too many negatives that weigh down the rest of the year for me personally. it's March now and things are pretty hectic, but i've got newfound courage and i know this year will be better than the last. time for me to get back up and charge forth to a better tomorrow!

[welcome2theneighborhood]

100°

Chapter III

‘Dear Amanda,

I’d lost the love of my life once, and I don’t know if I can do it again.’

AO3

In the morning we were going out with Amanda, Morgan, and Atticus for brunch. Not until nearly noon, though, so it gave us plenty of time to sleep in. We all needed it.

The hotel wasn’t too far away from their apartment, just outside the city. We met them halfway at a little corner diner, the eight of us huddled around two tables put together. I arranged it so that River and Atticus would sit together. They got along fine, but I wanted so badly for them to be best friends. My maybe-one-day stepdaughter and my maybe-one-day stepgrandson. Maybe. One day.

The diner provided them both with coloring mats and a couple of crayons each. Having different colors they’d go on to share probably helped initiate their bonding. I should thank the waitress for that.

Once everyone had eaten their fill -and I probably ate about two fills- we figured out what we were going to do for the day. Just about the time that Morgan suggested going to the Lincoln Park Zoo, though the idea excited me more than a little, I remembered that I had wanted to take Amanda out to get a graduation outfit today. I turned to her. “You down for some daddy-daughter time today?”

She looked a little taken aback by the suggested but smiled brightly. “Always, Pops! What’d you have in mind?”

I explained the idea to her, leaving off the part about wanting to talk about potential anxiety for the future, and she nodded. “Yeah, let’s do it.” Amanda was never one for shopping but she seemed enthusiastic about the idea. I was just relieved I didn’t have to talk her into it.

We all agreed that the rest of them would go to the zoo, the small children bouncing around their respective parents in an effort to get going faster, and we went our separate ways for the afternoon. We’d meet up again for dinner.

Amanda led the way to just where she wanted to check out, and I was all too happy to take her.

I started the conversation when she was in the dressing room, trying on a sleeveless blouse. Uncomfortable conversations were always easier when you didn’t have to look at the person you’re talking to. “Hey, Panda? “

“Yeah?”

“How’re you feeling about being done with school?”

“Oh, I’m excited! Almost feels like I’ve been here too long already. I worked really hard and I’m happy to be done with it.”

“And what about moving to New York?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, that’s cool. I’m lucky to have gotten a job at all.”

“And you’re not nervous?”

“Huh?”

“You’re not nervous? About moving on to another stage of your life?”

There was a long pause in the conversation. Well, it probably only lasted a few seconds, but my own anxiety made it feel so much longer. “... Yeah. I am, a little. But I think Morgan being there with me will make it all a little easier.” She came out of the dressing room in the green sleeveless blouse. I didn’t like how it was so low cut in the front, but she cut off my concern with an offhanded comment about how she’d need to get a cami to go with it. I only barely knew what she was talking about. “It’s gonna be a big step. And probably pretty scary. But I’ve been making big scary steps for a while now. And I know I’ve got a lot of people who have my back.” She smiled a little. “So, yeah, I think I’ll be fine.”

I decided to trust her on that for now. If anything else came up, it could be addressed then. In the meantime I’d just be a little more vigilant than usual about how she might be feeling. Which was to say, very, very vigilant.

Amanda still didn’t much like shopping; the first outfit she tried on was the one I ended up buying for her. That top, a black camisole, black leggings, and shoes that in some way matched her shirt. We had plenty of time to kill before we were supposed to meet up with the others, so Amanda took me around town, showing me all the hot spots she’d frequented over the last few years. I could see the nostalgia in her eyes. She was probably going to miss Chicago more than she let on.

When we did reconvene, they were just leaving the zoo. The girls and Atticus were all decked out in overpriced merchandise, and on top of it all Craig had bought Amanda a hat with panda ears on it, which she immediately donned with pride. River started talking my ear off about all the animals she’d seen, and the twins showed me pictures to corroborate her descriptions. We got dinner at the same  diner we’d eaten at that morning, bringing the day around full circle.

Right after dinner we went by Horne’s campus museum for the BFA Exhibition, in which Amanda’s Capstone project was being displayed. The series consisted of gorgeous and seemingly impossible portraits of her friends interlain with the city landscape. Faces blended perfectly into theiir surroundings, blurring the lines where one image ended and the other began. One of the pictures was of Morgan, woven in with the face  of their apartment building. Through a combination of raw imagery and digital effects she’d really created something spectacular.

I didn’t understand what it was trying to say, if indeed it was trying to say anything at all other than “look at what good art I made,” but I was definitely impressed and incredibly proud.

When I asked Amanda what she was trying to say with that piece, she just smirked and shrugged.

We went back to Amanda’s apartment to hang out and relax for a little while before we headed back to the hotel. Well, Amanda didn’t have time to relax.

“I can’t believe you put packing off to the last minute,” Morgan sighed, getting Attie ready for bed.

“She takes after her father!” Craig called from the next room.

“I’m filing for divorce, bro. Not even married but I’m filing for divorce.”

“Hey, don’t do that to the girls!”

I ruffled River’s hair as she played with her father’s-boyfriend’s-daughter’s-girlfriend’s-son’s toys. “Wish we could stay and help you pack, Manda, but we better get going. Can’t sleep in tomorrow.” I stood and kissed her head, and we started to get ready to leave.

Morgan brought Atticus out from his bath. “Oh, you’re heading out? Attie, say goodnight.”

“Night, Mommy Manda’s family…”

That was too much cuteness for my poor heart. I would adopt this child as my own.

Craig had to pull me out of the apartment.

Back at the hotel, the girls plopped down immediately, and tonight the twins didn’t argue that River wanted to sleep in their bed tonight. I could tell they actually found it pretty sweet that their little sister wanted to sleep nestled between them. Hazel tried to put up a front like she might have been annoyed, but she cracked so easily.

“C’mon, girls, go brush your teeth and get into pajamas.”

Briar and Hazel took turns getting changed in the bathroom, and enjoyed the luxury of not having to fight over the sink when they were granted two. River got changed out in the room while they were doing so, getting herself dressed for bed. Craig normally would’ve helped her, but he just sat on our bed and supervised. Once the bathroom was free I took her in to brush her teeth.

The kids all ready for bed, we both tucked them in and they watched Steven Universe on Briar’s phone until they fell asleep. I took the opportunity alone in the dark with Craig to address what had been bugging me this whole trip.

“Hey. Your back still hurt?”

He shrugged a little, but I could see the answer in his downcast eyes. “It’s fine, bro. Probably just pulled something.”

I kissed his cheek while I took a moment to think about what to say next. “Before we go back home I want you to get it checked out, okay? We have time. Or we’ll make time. Okay?”

I knew he didn’t want to admit weakness, but he softened slightly. “Thanks. Yeah, I’ll get it looked at.” He laughed a little to lighten the mood. “Probably just getting old, right?”

I didn’t know if I bought it. The two of us being the same tender age of forty-eight evened things out on that end, and if either of us was going to be feeling the effects of age first, it was going to be the one of us who spent the last twenty years indulging in the sweet, salty, and greasy goodnesses life had to offer me. I had aches and random bouts of illness every once in a while, but something about this felt… off. Craig worked out too well and too often to be feeling like this. Because it wasn’t just the backache, was it? “You’ve looked like shit for days.”

He didn’t seem to have expected this response, and to be fair I hadn’t expected it, either. “What do you mean?”

“You’re just super tired all the time, even now that you’ve started to give yourself breaks more often, you’re looking more rundown than before.”

It almost seemed like he was realizing this for the first time, but there was a glint of recognition in his eyes: recognition of something he’d noticed long before I had, but that he just wasn’t willing to speak aloud. “Yeah. Okay. I’ll get that checked out too.”

He turned over, away from me. I could hear a stifled hiss of pain.

I was ready to clock out for the night, but I didn’t want either of us to go to sleep on a sour note. I leaned over him, and kissed his cheek, lingering there. “I love you, bro.”

I could barely see any of his face at this angle, but I did see just the corner of his lips lifting in a small smile. “I love you too, bro.”

Satisfied, I gave him one more kissed before settling into the pillows for the night.

My baby girl was graduating the next day. I don’t know how I was able to sleep a wink.

[chimcharstar]

I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY

COMING RIGHT UP

♡ cute asks ♡

angel; do you have a nickname?

G!

awe; how old are you?

21

baby; favorite color?

purple

bloop; spirit animal?

i know what youre trying to do bug

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

YEAH

buttercup; showers or baths?

showers

butterfly; dream destination?

maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM

calm; favorite scent?

this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes... overrated

cozy; eye/hair color?

red hair green eyes

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

people saying small nice things

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think... 

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite

daylight; favorite album of all time?

idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that

dear; zodiac sign?

sagittarius

delightful; concerts or museums?

?????? N/A unfortunately

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil

dobby; dream job?

writer of , books or screenplays or something

doll; how do you like to dress?

behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

the demigirl reading this

fairy; do you have a pet?

no :(

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean

forever; where do you feel time stop?

i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.

garden; how many languages do you know?

one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that. 

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do. 

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me

kinky; do you blush easily?

no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit

love; what is your favorite season and why?

autumn, because pretty, haloween

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good

magic; what are five flaws you have?

overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

emotional labour, similar energy level

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

i have not read a book

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

realizing im trans

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing

shine; art or music?

MUSIC

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

yes

smitten; do you collect anything?

bonsais?? 

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

chocolate, any,

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset, that is the beautifulest

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me... 

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital? what is this about?

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyal, honest

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

niGHT OWL

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

shapeshifting

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

tidy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time

[duaneodavila]

Don’t Stand So Close To Me: Navigating The Physical Hazards Of Being An In-House Counsel

I love art. I love standing in front of vast, colorful masterpieces and wondering where the artist started on the canvas. Was it the main event like the toothsome predator in Copley’s “Watson and the Shark,” or something more subtle, more personal, like Rembrandt’s shoulder swag in his self-portrait? I could spend hours staring at paintings, their textures and messages changing with the shifting light. But you know what I never do? Touch them.

Why? Maybe it’s my aversion to being manhandled by museum guards. Maybe it’s out of a profound respect for not spoiling the medium with my grubby mitts. Or maybe, you know, it’s because you’re not supposed to.

My stint in Biglaw proved that most attorneys adhere to the “no touching unless there’s a medical emergency and even then” rule. I can count the number non-handshake touches I received from partners. Even at my going away shebang, only a few younger associates dared come in for the awkward back-pat, coworker half-hug. I let this slide since we’d all been in the trenches together. Once you watch the sun rise in your office with someone while waiting for pages to come back from the printer, boundaries naturally erode.

This luxurious personal space concept left me ill-prepared to go in-house. Going in-house should really come with a warning label and a manual or a pamphlet or something (because who has time for manuals) and one of the salient warnings in bold should be “EXPECT TO BE TOUCHED. A LOT.”

To be clear, I’m not talking about “this is clearly unwanted touching that amounts to harassment, let’s go have a meaningful conversation with HR present” stuff. That’s not funny in the slightest. And if this is happening, then by all means, report them and get their asses fired if you can.

I’m talking about the random gray area of touching, which rises to the level of weird and annoying, but not harassment territory touching. And just like bullshit, everybody’s tolerance for it is a little different.

My company is overwhelmingly male, from entry-level to C-suite and there are times I feel like I’ve stumbled into some sort of bizarre sporting event, only everybody is wearing business casual and coming to term with male pattern baldness of some sort of another. I am a routine recipient of back slaps, shoulder squeezes, arm stroking, and even the occasional head pat. Yes, that’s right. I once had a VP pat me on the head while I was seated at my desk as he told me to keep up the good work. I think it’s worth pointing out that I’m still here and he’s not.

In my experience, I find business people to be natural pushers of boundaries, whether it’s our company’s risk profile or standard procedures and practices they find too cumbersome to bother following, so I can’t say that I’m entirely surprised that they would be routine and shameless invaders of personal space.

I’ve actually spent a lot of time thinking about what spurs people to touch one another in a professional environment. Is it just the boundary thing? Or is it a lady parts thing? I think it must be some of column A and some of column B to be sure, but I think it’s something more than that. I think attorneys are inherently unknown quantities to business people and they’re looking for reassurance, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not.

Remember when you touched that snake during the zoo demonstration in the third grade, you bad ass? That feeling of cool dry scales over your fingertips? You wanted to know that you could do it.  That there was nothing to be afraid of. Well, I think we’re the snakes in this analogy.

I often find touching paired with searching questions from business people. “Are we good, Kay?”  “Is this going to come back and bite us in the ass?” “I think it was a good deal, right?” That pat on the arm and the shoulder squeeze is a touch point. I get it. I don’t like it and I feel absolutely no qualms about mocking anyone who touches me, but I think I get it.

That doesn’t mean that when touching feels particularly egregious, I ignore it. My preferred response is when someone lays hands on me, I look slowly at the offending digits and then drag my eyes up the business person, giving them the blank stare of the carrion crow and perhaps, the eyebrow arch. I find this non-verbal particularly effective because it leaves the business partner to wonder what I would have done if the touching had continued. Nothing good, I can assure you.

Occasionally, when I feel like someone has really crossed the line (recent example, a senior manager who insisted on clasping my hand as he told me that “I’d find a way to get this deal done” and he wasn’t talking about time constraints, but risk tolerance concerns), I will have a private, closed-door conversation with the business partner and woe to the guy who has a kid that I know about or have glimpsed in a picture frame on the desk, because nothing creates that look of dumbstruck horror when you ask a father how they would feel if a teacher or a coach put their hands on little Brantley. I know, it’s a cheap shot, but an instructive one I take to stop the behavior because really, if we’ve gotten this far on my annoyance scale, we’re in HR territory.

So what’s the big deal about touching in the workplace? I harken back to the concept of tolerance. I have a pretty high threshold for a lot of things, you have to when you’re juggling shifting priorities and deadlines and the occasional less than truthful business partner. But touching throws me off my game. As reassuring as it might be for a partner to clasp their hand on my shoulder, I find it unsettling. I never have the urge to touch anyone at work. And while I’ll generally give a business partner the benefit of the doubt (it’s just a reassurance thing, right?), I do sometimes wonder if it’s an attempt to assert control over someone else, mainly me. And if that’s the case, then as my grandma used to say, that really frosts my pumpkin.

For me, people who invade my personal space are slightly worse than people who cut the line, but less annoying than those who insist that Jimi Hendrix wrote “All Along the Watchtower.” (Try again, children. Bob Dylan. Scout’s honor. And while I’m on the lyrical soap box, Cat Stevens didn’t write “Cat’s Cradle.” Harry Chapin did. So there.) But again, like the half-truths and fictitious deadlines our business partners try to con us into on a regular basis, everyone must decide for themselves what their tolerance level is.  And for me, I readily admit that I am the freaking Mona Lisa of attorneys. Keep your grubby mitts off.

Kay Thrace (not her real name) is a harried in-house counsel at a well-known company that everyone loves to hate. When not scuffing dirt on the sacrosanct line between business and the law, Kay enjoys pub trivia domination and eradicating incorrect usage of the Oxford comma. You can contact her by email at KayThraceATL@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter @KayThrace.

Don’t Stand So Close To Me: Navigating The Physical Hazards Of Being An In-House Counsel republished via Above the Law

[s-nnyd]

all of the ask me meme :) please stop talking about naruto

i think that was this one?

rose: what makes you feel beautiful?

man, hmm, when my hair falls just right and it looks like the hairstyle that could be used in like a romcom drama oh or when the sun starts to set because everythign just starts to feel like the right color and it makes it just about everything right

lace: how would you describe your best friend(s)?

complete idiots i love hanging out with

wish: what are your favourite memories?

oh fuck dude my favorite memories? okay so back in middle school when there was the open house and i signed up for one of the shifts i just stayed in ms. dean’s room and like it was raining and pouring and i was just kinda fooling around with some friends before our shifts started and like we ordered pizza and my goodness it was cold and wet as fuck but it was such a genuinely nice memory of just the feeling during that time also when were painting murals for  art ds like shit man that was like the time of my life and i genuinely get all these heartfelt feelings each time i think about it (oh oh oh oh and like mrs q said that like shes trying to make things work with walker about doing a mural inside the class and im like holy fuck please like im legit gonna cry if that happens) and although its super embarrassing just like all the times ive ever really had talks and hung out with mrs q like they were genuinely nice memories and esp friday too like she told me stories about the previous schools she went to and the types of students she had and i love hearing stuff like that and yesterday was truly enjoyable

heaven: describe your ideal date

hhhhhhhh okay okay okay okay so its raining out but we still were supposed to meet up and im standing outside with a cup of hot choco with extra whip cream just the way she likes it cause i wanted to get it for her and when she comes to meet me she also has a cup of hot choco with extra cocoa for me and its just the kinda heart and chest swelling kinda moment cause we both were thinking about each other and then we head over to watch the movies first something stupid yet enjoyable and after going to have some lunch at like a really good tofu house and then after going to an art museum and then ill say somethign cheesy like man im surprised you dont live here ‘why?’ cause youre a work of art  or you know whats the most beautiful piece of art out of this whole exhibit ‘ooo was it the ______ or the _____ one or maybe its the ______?” nah its you and thats the main commentary im making through out the whole exhibition and like after that we head over to my place and the rains still coming down my head on her lap and her fingers through my hair as watch a movie both of us has seen far too many times already that it this point its just for the sake of background noise and like we swap spots where shes on my lap now adn eventually she falls asleep i carry her to the bed and let her nap for a bit and she wakes up after a while and comes into the kitchen and im cooking fried rice at like 3 in the morning and its just lazy hugs and bad singing but all in all its just relaxing soothing loving and everything i really want

angel: what is your dream aesthetic?

oh man like okay have you seen that godzilla jacket that was floating around on tumblr for a while like like that specific aesthetic where its super cool stitching and japanese words that i can actually read for once OH OH OH or like just absolute artist like just paint splatters and charcoal and pastel that wont wash out and jean jackets with patches and just yeeeeeee

wings: list five things you love about yourself

hmmm i think my determination to always be improving, my loyalty, my ability to think from multiple angles of a situation, my creativity and the multitude of ideas that come as a result of it , and mmm prolly the fact that when i love someone or got a crush like more than anything id love to give them the absolute most like id give them the world if i could if it would make them happy and like they dont gotta accept my feelings or anything but jsut please dont reject my gifts like i just want you to be happy and i wanna see you smile and laugh and like even if this aint gonna turn anything im glad i got to love you and have this experience

marble: what do you look for in a partner?

oh man okay so like ive noticed that every single person ive ever had a crush on like  i dont necessarily got a type in the sense of like looks or anything like that cause they all look super different and there is no one “type” but like its a lot closer to a “type” as in a type of person like someone whos generally super open minded and caring and gentle someone who even though they dont believe so theyre changing and helping so so so so many people around them someone who has the best laugh that id do anything to hear and the prettiest eyes and the most amazing smile that id truly do anythign to see someone whos usually loved by many but even in close relations theyre extremely close heart to heart and very attentive someone whos got a great head on their shoulders and the mindset to keep moving forward and improve someone who rlly pushes the idea communication, trust, and honesty and like man theyre people with the most beautiful minds and hearts and like it ends up being a case where theyve got the most beautiful face too

velvet: describe your dream home

oh fuck dude i couldnt even talk about this for my project for japanese i cant do it here

pearl: what is your favourite: scent, flavour, sound, texture?

shit dude ive really gotta say that my favorite scent is prolly the art and the ceramics room like really its super calming my fave flavor would maybe be honey? (i just had a honey stick rn so) my favorite sound is the sound of my crush’s voice and laugh, fave texture has def gotta be my paint like fuck i love sticking my hand in that shit

sunlight: list five things you find to be beautiful

link, zelda, my crush, the specific color of cerulean blue, okay and oddly enough that scar thats on my leg from when i fell off my skateboard

cherry: what words of advice would you give to a stranger?

if you think someone’s got a cool shirt, pretty eyes, a nice laugh, the cutest button nose, a soothing voice, or is just in general attractive to you, just tell them like the smile on their face is worth a whole lot and i promise you that it could make their day

blush: describe your ideal future

oh fuck okay so its one where i got a like four big dogs (cause these are my faves), a samoyed a husky a german shepard and a pit bull, and im living in a nice decent place with my loved one i have a job either at one of the major animation studios or im working with a huge game company (preferably Nintendo so i can work on some loz games) and ive also got a seperate place thats a block or two away from my home and its my own personal studio a place that is just a whole floor dedicated to working on my art whether it be two dimensional traditional or digital and i also got a throwing wheel and a place to put my ceramics and ive made some movies and games that ive dedicated to mrs q and mrs y because theyve brought me so far in my art career and also played such a big role in my life in general and id love to make them proud and like honestly that soudns like the absolute shit to me

sea: what music, art and/or literature brings you peace?

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh man just seein loz fanart is the best but also like fuck dude like mmmmm when i see an art style i really love that has literally the best fuckign composition and color usage like fuck thats my shit like theres some specific ones that i dont know how to describe

wine: talk about something you are looking forward to

working on that mural if mrs q can make it through cause that is legit what i really wanna do like i fucking love working on murals oh oh oh also when we can finally order the new j shirts cause i finished the design and i really wanna see everyone wearing them im really proud of this year’s design aalsososoooooooo like im really excited to work on the next project for ceramics like were makign slab boxes and we can basically tell a story and do whatever the fuck we want with it and man im just so excited for that (wow i legit realized that like everything ive listed that is part of my dream or makes me excited or happy is like art related like wow)

honey: what do you do to relax?

i watch shitposts oh that or i talk to my cousin lynnette cause really shes super understanding and its really easy to talk to her

silk: describe your most recent dream

man i forgot the bulk of it but i think like it was one where i didnt finish my charcoal portrait or my coil pot in time and then i woke up in a cold sweat

matte: what is something you are proud of?

hmmmm at current im proud of the presents i gave to mrs y and mrs q cause it made the both of them really happy and like i really wanted to show them how thankful i am to them and like they genuinely liked the posters and the flowers

gloss: list ten songs you love right now

lmao shit uh

feelings - hayley kiyoko

maple - hayley kiyoko

redbone - childish gambino

forrest gump - frank ocean

shes so mean - matchbox twenty

perfect - ed sheeran

and legit just like all of the soundtracks for all the loz games

satin: what never fails to make you happy?

oh oh oh oh oh when i give a present to my crush or i do something nice for them and they just give me the biggest smile or the best laugh ive ever heard and theres just the crinkle at the corners of their eyes from smilign so hard and because theyre trying so hard to keep eye contact with me while but theyre laughing really hard and they can only keep one eye open and like just the genuineness of joy and all

opal: talk about your interests and passions

hhhhhhhh dude dude like mannnnnn like hhhhhh okay imma talk about loz for a sec and like i know i brought it up before but i love like so much okay like oot was my first time playing time playing any loz game and my lord it was the shit like the storyline the characters the graphics the sound track the quests and side characters liek everything really made it feel like so much mroe and like i feel so much for it like heres link growing up and hes like what around ten or so and hes got some friends and he finally gets his fairy and then his tree dad goes and dies right after telling him lmao sorry but you kinda gotta save the kingdom k bye and like this kid this kid literally knows jack shit about anything but he goes on and does it anyways he goes and helps zelda he goes and helps the people who are in trouble along the way and plays some rad ass tunes on his tiny lil ocarina of time while doing it and like even when he gets put into the future like he sitll has the mindset of a ten year old hes still as innocent and earnest and pure hearted as when he first started and like holy fuck dont get me started on sheik like shit sheik is so damn cool and like knowing that it was zelda all that time like fuck yeah zelda can kick ass fuck yeah zelda got muscles for days fuck yeah she can punt you across the kingdom and like at the end when she thanks him and sends him back and time so he can enjoy the lost time like shit dude i know zelda meant well and all but like hes experienced so much with and for her hes done so much give the kid a break and then even then navi in the end like leaves and then eveything continues in majoras mask and again hes in his ten year old body but now wiht the experiences and knowledge and basically memories from being seventeen like hes got so much mroe than what his body and mind should handle at this point and he wanders into the forest again all in search for an old friend to look for navi and like when he gets sent to termina after trying to chase after skull kid and like havign those nightmares witht he scrubs like hes gone through so much and i only want more for him and like he doesnt have to save termina he doesnt he doesnt need to do anything he can let termina get smooshed to smitherins by the moon for all the work hes already done for hyrule but he does it anyway and he rewinds time again and again and again and again so he can fix all of these problems for all of these people he does all of this to bring some sort of proper ending for these people who have the last three days of their lives the last three days before their deaths repeat over and over and over and over and over again and he saves them each and every time he rewinds time and he goes through all this shit i mean this ten year old mother fucker is doing olympic bakc flips and twirls and shit after oot like shit boi and then like oh myy gooddddd like damn botw like fuck dude that game means a whole lot to me like its lacking a lil bit in the presence of an evil and i mena i know its ganon and all but like shit i could ignore that motherfucker for all eternity if he wasnt being such a total asshat to zelda and like i mainly beat that motherfucker up just for zelda like for once in a game ive never wanted more to save her like they went so much into detail abotu her and like dude those memories thos cutscenes? like that shit made everythign and i truly love her she works so hard and shes held up to this image of being extremely spiritiually adept because of all her ancestors ebcause of all the other zeldas but she jsut cant she jsut cant do the same thing and so she tries in other ways she tries to udnerstand and get a grasp on sheikah and ancient tech so she can at least be prepared to stand against the calamity when it does come and like the champions all worry about her like the girl nearly got herself killed in the process of trying to awaken her so called spiritual powers and like dude finding out that in the beginning zelda legit hated links ass like they put so much mroe into her like she she hated seeing that he was a prodigy that he didnt have a single trouble in the world and then finally link speaks up and he tells her he talks to her about why he keeps quiet and like the two finally bond and like the two dorks love each other so much that it really does go beyond friendship and romance like they legit would die for each other that one time that zelda was this fucking close to getting her ass handed to her on a silver platter and link was beat the fuck up like he went to save her and then the time when link was basically on his death bed and a guardian was about to pulverize him zelda stood between him and the guardian this bitch wasnt even thinking about having her spiritual powers she was legit ready to die for him if it meant he could run away and get to safety and i mean luckily she her spiritual powers did come out but she legit realized it when she was so genuinely scared but chose to stand up cause she cared for him so much and like these two kids fight so much and have gone through a lot both on their own times and also together but like i love them so much no matter what timeline theyre in

kiss: what do you want from life right now?

my lord i want life to point me in the right direction tbqh or at least give me a mentor for some help like please ive been guiding and doing everything myself this whole time give me a break like after reading all the stories for lang and lit like it makes me feel so lost in what im doing like after catcher in the rye and playing the role of holden caulfield and denying that i fit any part of the role and then realizing how similar i was to him and then reading death of a salesman and relating to biff and reading raisin in the sun and relating to beneatha like shit i really felt lost like ive been talking about it with my therapist lately and like yeah i think i really need some direction or reassurance or a mentor or at least something in my life thats consistent cause right now im a complete mess