#i think it's hilarious every single time

[gentlebeard]

If I could hold you for a minute, Darling, I’d go through it again

For @edsbacktattoo & @stedesearring 💕 Show: Our Flag Means Death - Season 1 & 2 Music: Francesca by Hozier YouTube

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

[milkcandyreview]

i LOVE honkai: star rail. there's characters in here named march 7th. there's characters in here named sparkle. there's characters in here named kafka. blade. silver wolf. black swan. no the black swan and the silver wolf don't have an overt connection to each other. there's characters in here named boothill. hook. firefly. acheron. topaz. characters named lynx even. "what was that key confrontation scene in honkai: star rail version 2.1 about?" oh so there's these characters...aventurine and......dr. ratio............and they had a tense meeting with.......................sunday........................................yeah............those are their names

[cowardlykrow]

If Pete, Steph, Richie, and Ruth went bowling, who do you think would win?

Well.... i can’t even see Richie and Ruth bowling to be real

I feel like they would complain that it hurts their arms or something and would always bring up the one [or multiple] times they separately threw their shoulders out- or some other horrific accident-

But i suppose if they did play: Ruth wouldn’t even be able to pick up the lightest ball available while Richie would be way too sweaty to hold his ball most of the time and when he did manage to get a grip on it, he’d try and do some ridiculous anime pose before each turn only to have the ball slip and hit something or someone that wasn't the pins [he’d get them kicked out tbh]

Also they would SO use the gutter guards so do they even really count??? 

Now I think Steph and Pete would get really competitive and into it for sure and I also fully believe Pete would totally be winning, but would inevitably lose on purpose to let Steph win

So the answer is Stephanie

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! I have a question that (judging by how my mom reacted when I asked) is going to sound like a joke, but I am genuinely asking because I really don't know what's funny about it and I would like to So the other day at work a contractor called me, asked one question I could (and did) answer, and then spent 10 minutes complaining about his phone, insisting it was a problem on our company's end. The problem is his phone not dinging to alert him when he gets emails from us, and after I gently tried explaining a couple times that the issue is on his end, not mine, he just kept getting angrier and insisting that is was not on his end. I finally said "I'm sorry, I can't fix that. Is there anything else I can help you with?" He said, angrily "Well there's no need to be sassy about it" and hung up on me And like, I get that it's funny he hung up on me after calling me sassy of all things (far from the worst thing I've been called at work) but both my boss and my mom separately seem to think my response is funny??? I thought I was just being professional! Am I missing something?

[whatisamildopinion]

Girl, you need to be promoting your Aasimar!Riz fic!!! This last chapter with Kalina was amazing! The chapter before with Garthy was just as amazing!!!

ANFHDJDJISBDBDBJDVWGCRHE this is too funny. I have been such a slacker on fic posting as a Tumblr writer that my buddies are yelling at me affectionately. hilarious.

Friendly reminder for everyone that I have a fic!! it's fun!!! I am putting all the characters with daddy issues and religious trauma in a jar and shaking them to see what comes out.

Have a snippet from the next chapter because this ask is absolutely too funny. I'm also throwing in a sketchy pen drawing that I did of our boy below the cut. The link to the latest chapter will also be down there. Love you, Mads 💜

---

"I thought the whole point of being here was going to Calethriel Tower,” Tracker says, her voice suddenly tight. 

“That is the point,” he says. “We know Aelwyn is here. We’re betting that Adaine is probably here too. But probability and certainty are very different things. I’d like to at least have some kind of backup location to check if this falls through.”

“Oh,” she says. “That makes… an infuriating amount of sense. Fucking Fallinel.”

“Fucking Fallinel,” he agrees.

“I just assumed… in the name of Galicaea, if we came here for no fucking reason-” She breaks off as her speech dissolves into a wolflike snarl, lips curling up to bare teeth sharpening into fangs. Her eyes flash yellow as she does. 

Riz fully looks up, setting down his maps. “Okay. What’s going on? What did you come here to talk to me about?”

Tracker looks a little embarrassed for a second, before she fully peels back her lips to growl under her breath, a deep, subsonic noise that only Riz would have been able to hear. She runs a hand through her short curls, clenching and unclenching her other fist. “Does Kristen ever…” she starts. “Does she ever, like, really piss you off? Don’t you just want to grab her by the throat and shake her sometimes?”

“At least once a week,” Riz says. “Why? What did she do?”

There he is. My favorite little man. Give him some love

[stalebagels]

u ever look at any of these late night hosts, like john oliver, and say yea i think u could have adhd

like obviously no substantial evidence is available to u but yea u know

YOU ARE CORRECT AND YOU SHOULD SAY IT

[pagesofkenna]

[acnara]

We as shippers and general harrymort/tomarry enthusiasts don’t take enough advantage of the fact that V and Harry canonically share the same blood.

[notwithstandingclause]

Okay another coldfire thought, so Erna doesn't have jesus but in many ways the prophet is an equivalent figure in Erna's society, as such it follows that people use "prophet" as a curse the way we use "jesus christ"

Ciani drops her pen and without thinking goes "ah prophet damn it" and Gerald is right there like "... I mean... I could if you want?"

Damien is looking at a sunset or something and without thinking some old phrase like "glory to the prophet" just slips out and behind him in the shadows he just hears Gerald laugh

Gerald spills a bit of ink while writing and very quietly under his breath mumbles "prophet's tits"

[dykrophone]

middle/high school me didn't form parasocial relationships with celebrities they formed serial parasocial relationships with random lesbian 20-something bloggers with a penchant for being 24/7 haters on increasingly obscure platforms (often that they had abandoned years ago) and would stay up till like 4am every night reading their posts from like five years back and collecting the Lore

[godsworstson]

who was gonna tell me I could've seen bhg live in my city in one my favorite venues if only I wasn't born like three months before that concert

[the-sprog]

I love when people make fucked up family trees in one piece fics.

Luffy is the son of Dragon and Crocodile, who are respectively the sons of Garp the fist, hero of the Marines, and captain Whitebeard. He also has two brothers, but only Sabo is the son of one of his dads (Dragon). They are both the grandchildren of Garp, though. But Ace is also the son of Whitebeard. So Ace is kinda Crocodile's brother, making him both Luffy's brother and uncle. He's also Portgas D. Rouge and Gol D. Roger's son.

This is where it gets complicated as if it wasn't already

Red Haired Shanks is Roger's son, making him Ace's brother. But he's also Luffy's dad. He has a daughter, Uta, who is Luffy's sister, but not Ace and Sabo's. Does this make Shanks Whitebeard's son? Is he both Luffy's dad and uncle?

There's also Buggy who is Shank's brother and also possibly Crocodile's lover.

Speaking of lovers, Dracule Mihawk is dating Shanks, he's also kinda Zoro's dad? And Perona's, who's now Zoro's sister. They are not connected to anyone else in this tree.

There's also Crocodile's ex, of course, Doflamingo. Who has a brother, Corazon, who has a child, Trafalgar D. Water Law, and an adoptive father, Sangoku (Garp's unwilling best friend), making him Law's grandfather, but not Doflamingo's dad. Does this make Law and Luffy cousins? For a brief while at least?

Makino is also dating Shanks, it's fine, Mihawk is not the jealous type. She's also the ASL's mom, along with Dadan. Dadan is not connected to anything else.

[sunrisevariant]

most recent gag: if my fiancée walks in while im changing i act panicked and yell “don’t come in here I’m serving 80’s ryo”

[dj-of-the-coven]

The difference in energy between joshneku and beatneku is staggering lmao, like SUCH a vibe change. Beat & Neku r like that couple that's fucking sickening to be around bc they're yearning at the same time that they're literally all over each other, like stealing each other's drinks and buying each other flowers and holding hands even when it's severely inconveniencing. meanwhile I literally can't imagine joshneku as anything but hand in unlovable hand, I can make him worse also they divorce and get back together and divorce again like six times and each time Neku's like eating ice cream and sobbing on Shiki's well-adjusted lesbian lap while she's fucking sweating trying not to tell him she got engaged to Eri last month and Beat's just eating drywall from the pain of not killing Joshua with his bare hands  

[darkvolley]

I love going through lets players' kingdom hearts playlists and right after recoded seeing a twewy playlist immediately followed by ddd. Like, yep. Bet I can guess what your audience told you to do before starting ddd.