#i think it's why i think of these space songs - because they're a part of everything; once more; when they go. us and everything else.

[shiki-jin]

YOUR CELESTIAL MAJESTY • SAGAU

(part 0 here)

was listening to TruE on loop while writing the last part of this, it's genuinely such a good song ugwvdya

also can you spot the contradiction ;D it's plot relevant i promise

not proofread, dont bully me ill write a thesis on why youre a meanie

—

you had long deleted genshin, since you had other things to do. you had wanted to go back to the game for a while now, now that you were less busy, but there was just one little problem.

it was now taking up nearly triple the amount of space that it was when you uninstalled it. around 300 whole gigabytes.

jesus christ, what phone can even handle this???

your phone, apparently. because as you opened the game to see if maybe a miracle would happen and that if maybe they would just, like, remove half of the things in the game, it just… kinda loaded?

no installing new files, no checking for anything, no nothing…. just an immediate pan to the gates of celestia.

you decided to check if it was the right genshin since this was just way too weird, but countering your judgement, every link you found led you to the same game, leading you to believe it not to be a bootleg or an illegal version.

guess i’ll trust it then.

you clicked on the gates which opened smoothly, and your screen turned white. then, the symbols of the seven elements appeared in gray.

and then the game just… opened. no loading time, once again. no getting stuck on the geo symbol, nothing. nada. just a smooth entrance into what you had to assume to be teyvat — but your surroundings didn't really support that claim.

the grass was brown and just looked off, the sky was gray. a darker shade than, say, mond’s walls, but it was like one of those game crashes.

well, except you could still move around.

you moved your current character around (the traveller? since when were they the only one in your team?) and decided to open the map after not figuring out where you could possibly be.

hold on, this is springvale? since when?

eveything looked dead, like it had been rotting for a century. you tried to ignore it though, and teleported to the inside of mondstadt. surely this was just some glitch, right? one that would fix itself if you teleported?

maybe the world loaded incorrectly, maybe the fact that nothing took time to load meant that it couldn't load, maybe this or that, maybe…

maybe this really was how the game looked normally. you hadn't done any quests though, so you wondered if it could be restored.

you took a screenshot of the your surroundings — the stone, worn down and dirty. the houses which looked to be in a horrible state, and… the npcs, all sickly and pale, like they were starving.

you went to reddit (yes, reddit), and posted the screenshot, asking if it was normal.

you closed the game and decided to take a nap, too tired to really deal with this shit any further.

while you slumbered, people replied to your post.

╰┈➤ lol me too anon, me too

╰┈➤ isn't the game closed or wtv? how'd you get this wtf

╰┈➤ they're trolling

╰┈➤ o makes sense oops

╰┈➤ So we’re all still mourning huh

╰┈➤ jokes aside that's a super impressive edit ngl

you remained unaware of the truth, but you'd find out soon enough.

actually, you'd find out now, apparently…

what the fuck?? why is my bed so hard now?

you groaned and forced your eyes open, seeing a dark, nearly black sky.

the only light was a single star, lingering right above you.

“since when was i outside...?"

a voice spoke to you, answering your question.

“you always have been, have you not? but would you like to head inside, my lord?”

... huh? i recognize that voice...

—

p.s. place your bets on who it is, i’m thinking of one specific character but if there's a fan fav i'll make it them instead since i haven't written anything beyond this point (⁠・⁠_⁠・⁠;⁠)

p.s.s. don't expect updates to this series too quickly, i wish i could write as quick as i think of ideas but sadly that's not the case orz

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[pedrithink]

understand ✩ jude bellingham

request: can you do jude and the reader arguing during their vacation and she starts crying when they're at the beach but she doesn't want him to notice but he notices and starts apologizing

"I'm just telling you that I felt uncomfortable, that's all." You exasperate as you cross your arms. Is it so hard for Jude to understand your side?

He shakes his head impatiently. "And I'm telling you that no big deal happened."

"They were practically all over you, Jude. They were hitting on you and ignoring my existence." You roll your eyes to keep tears from escaping your eyes.

"And why does that matter? I'm with you, you know that." Jude runs his hands over his own face somewhat aggressively and, whispers. "There's no need to create a giant problem over a situation as silly as this."

"You seem to be schismatic about not understanding my side." You cross your arms. "The point is that they kept sending little papers with their instagram, sending drinks, and had the audacity to come to our table and talk to you while I stood there watching everything like an idiot." You swallow your tears and stare at him with glittering eyes. "And you did nothing."

"What did you want me to do? Please, love. They're just fans."

Jude's impatient voice only makes your heart tighter, and the moonlight, the sound of the breaking waves, and the sand invading your shoe do nothing to improve the situation.

Faced with this situation, you can only take a deep breath and hope that this is the dream and that you are not arguing while you are in such a paradisiacal place, hope that Jude understands 1% of what you are feeling right now.

"We traveled here to have fun on my vacation and look at the kind of ridiculous thing we're discussing in the middle of a party." He grimaces in dissatisfaction.

You don't have the guts to say anything else for the next 20-30 minutes and Jude much less.

You are surrounded by the noise of the party, the crashing waves and each other's pained, dissatisfied sighs.

Jude stood beside you, head down. In a way that he didn't need to face you for the moment. He knows that you need this moment of silence to think about everything you've said to each other in the few minutes you've come outside the party to talk.

But at no time does he dare leave your side. Whatever the fight may be, you don't leave each other's side without working it out.

It all started because of some women who didn't care that Jude was holding hands with you, that he was kissing you relentlessly and insatiably. They didn't care that he was with someone else and it bothered you because Jude wasn't able to say "Enough" to them, according to him, it was an unnecessary fight to buy.

You guys normally don't argue, you don't like it. You avoid it as much as possible and always respect each other's opinion and space, but this situation left you completely out of place and you tried to express this with the intention that Jude would understand your side.

Your eyes fill with tears when you hear Keshi's "Understand" playing in the background in the inner part of the party, the light touch of the music along with the sounds of the waves makes your heart squeeze because this is your song.

take you by the hand, you're the only one who understands.

Tears escape and you try to hide them as you bite down hard on your lower lip trying to keep the sobs from escaping your lips.

You don't want Jude to see you crying, but you can't stop more tears from flooding your face.

He is the person who understands you most in the whole world, so why does it seem that now you are not being understood?

Jude takes courage to look at you and is startled when he sees you crying. His heart shatters into a million pieces and the urge to pull you into a hug becomes immense, he can't resist and pulls you around your waist. "Hey, no. No, my love. I'm sorry, don't cry."

Jude's arms grab your waist and you try to avoid it, but you can't resist melting into his embrace either. "Please forgive me." He whispers as he strokes your hair. "I thought it was something silly, but now I can clearly see that you have been affected by it. Not knowing how to express myself properly is one of my biggest fucking flaws. I hate that about me."

Jude says the last sentence in a low way, he wanted to throw himself into the sea and disappear for a few minutes. He feels so ashamed for putting you through such a situation.

Jude's hands walk to your waist and pulls you back so that your eyes stick to his, he always liked to talk looking into your eyes. "Hurting your heart was the last thing I wanted in the world. Forgive me, my love."

"I know and understand that you didn't mean to, Jude. But, this lack of positioning hurts." You explain as you dry the trail of tears from your face. "It may be silly and insignificant to you, but it makes me insecure."

His eyes soften and you can even see a trail of tears forming on his edge. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just thought I was making the right choices, trying to avoid a fight or something, but clearly I wasn't. It hurt you and I promise that from now on I will review my attitudes."

His hands walk over to caress your back. "I value you so much, I really do, and I honestly don't know what my life would be without you. I know I let you down, and in the end, I feel like it hurt me more than it hurt you because I can't handle the idea that I hurt you. I love you too much.” He whispers. “I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

You hug Jude by the neck and give him a light kiss on his lips, you know that he didn't mean to hurt you and this conversation (not the fight) was even good for you to clarify some points and prevent more situations like this from happening again in the future.

Jude makes you feel complete.

[thatfreshi]

Pitch Black (Astarion x Reader)

TW - panic attack, claustrophobia, themes of death/rotting

I based this off some sad lore I found out about him yesterday :(

Recommended Song: Rainy Day Loop - SALES

There's a lot of things Astarion hasn't told you. You don't mind, because a lot of those things are hard to relive. Everything he tells you comes with a price, but he does it mostly out of necessity. There are times you know something lies deeper, and yet you don't pry. It will come to light if he decides it needs to.

However, he never told you about one of the first truly cruel things Cazador did. How one day he refused him, told him no for once. He woke up buried six feet under, starving in undeath for an entire year until his master dug him up again. That was the last time he disobeyed.

This led to a fear he never told you about, claustrophobia, that terrifying feeling of being unable to escape small spaces. He doesn't like closets, this you knew, but you assumed it was because they're dark and sad, not because they're small rooms.

One morning you're sleeping, peaceful, arms wrapped around him tight. He wakes up before you, calm at first. When he realizes his discomfort at feeling trapped in your arms, he gently tries to move you off of him, but you grab back in your slumber, not knowing what's going on beyond the barrier of sleep. That first wave of panic sets in as you wrap yourself tighter than before, and he freezes up, remembering the smell of musty dirt and bones. He tries to scoot away, and you unknowingly pull him in again. That second time is enough for him to feel fully trapped, and without thinking he bites down hard on your arm.

"GODS!"

You bolt up out of your sleep, holding your arm, realizing it was Astarion who caused the sudden alarm. He sits at the edge of the bed, breathing heavily, still trying to ground himself. You try to ask him things, why the hell he'd do that to you, but he can't hear your questions. The worms, the beetles, at some point you become accustomed to the tiniest sounds. He wondered if they'd start to eat away at him, if vampires were like corpses, if he would slowly decompose in the ground. You go to touch his hand and he yanks it away, standing up.

"Astarion!"

And he finally turns to see you on the bed, your arm bleeding badly, how concerned you look. He can't speak though. Footsteps, people passing by, unable to scream because of how tightly packed the sediment is. You try anyways.

"Aster, listen to me. I need you to listen to me, okay?"

You're panicking. You haven't seen him this bad in a while. He's not there, at least not truly there. To be knocked out, only to wake up in pitch black, what a horror.

"I think you're having a panic attack my love, can you try to focus on one thing in the room?"

A painting, a landscape of a graveyard. He was put in a graveyard, some kind of cruel joke. His eyes wander to the frame, golden, like thread. He remembers stitching little phrases and stories into his clothes, he remembers the first time he did such a craft for you. The breathing starts to settle, still shaking, he sits back down next to you, and just starts sobbing. You go to hug him and he flinches.

"No!"

You are almost taken aback, but you remember that it's not your fault.

"Okay, that's okay. I'll just sit here with you."

He just cries for a while, and you let him. Clearly something startled him badly, badly enough that he bit you. You forgot until now that you were bleeding. Not only did his fangs pierce, but many of the rest of his teeth got through the skin. As you're analyzing your wound, you take part of the blanket and press it into your arm, trying to stop the bleeding. Astarion notices the movement, and you see guilt overcome his face immediately. You interrupt before he can speak.

"It's okay darling, I know you didn't mean it."

He wipes at his tears, finally coming back to reality, truly grounding himself.

"I... I'm sorry."

"I know, it's okay."

He stares at a crack in the floorboards.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He nods, mainly because he hates it when you're confused.

"So... a long time ago, Cazador decided it would be fun to bury me alive."

He almost laughs at how ridiculous it is, how someone could even think to do that. You just listen.

"And I stayed there for an entire year. And I don't know how it happened, but you tried to hug me tighter while you were asleep, and I- I just panicked, I felt so trapped and it just reminded me so much of-"

He can't even bring himself to say it again.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea."

He scoffs.

"Yeah, you were asleep, and I freaked out like a monster and bit you."

He gazes down at the wound, wincing at what he's done.

"Hey, look at me. Wounds heal, I'll be okay. What matters is that you're okay."

"I... I think I'm okay now. Just, feel miserable."

"That's okay, you're allowed to feel however you want."

"I know. Thank you my sweet."

He picks your hand up off the bed, holding it to his face. It takes weeks after for him to be hugged again, especially being the little spoon, but you don't mind. You'll go through every phase of his, good and bad. This one just happens to be bad, and that's okay. He'll be okay. You'll both be okay.

[taylortruther]

I actually agree with you 100% on all long-term relationship breakups being pretty much the same. When you've loved someone for so long, it means they're also part of your routines, part of your comfort, part of your home and part of your family. Their family becomes your family, their friends become your friends, their hopes and aspirations become things you care about as well as their struggles. The reasons why the rs starts falling apart aren't as simple as one or both parties no longer "being in love", but rather a combination of issues: career ambitions intolerable to the relationship for various reasons, incompatibility of personalities or of extended families, growth at different paces, the goals and wishes agreed at the start of the rs changing with time, loss of trust and connection, etc. I thought of this the other day when an anon mentioned the movie Blue Valentine, and I think the reason why that film feels so realistic (and devastating) is because all long term relationships slowly desintegrate in similar manners to what happens to the couple in the movie. And piggybacking off the discourse we had on The Alcott, it's quite desperating and frustrating to slowly realize that things that once were profoundly sacred have come to feel like a curse; you no longer feel like you're choosing everyday to be with this person out of love, but rather that you're emprisioned to them.

What we know about TTPD department so far makes me think this will be explored but not in the way many fans seem to be expecting (not you guys lol but I have seen ppl that expect the songs to be sassy, petty, and accusatory). Instead, I think we will see her show and deconstruct all the ways she fought for it to work, compromising, committing, twisting herself into a pretzel, and making herself smaller, not because he was "forcing her" like some fans think but rather from her own decision bc that's just how much she loved him. Which is even more devasting if you think of it: she locked herself away, tried to dim her shine, beared emotional burdens alone because of her own conviction and desire to make things work, not as a result of him "making her" do all of that. So imo one of the reasons this album will be particularly devastating is bc we will learn in a very raw manner just how much she loved this man and how much she was willing to give up for him, and how much regret she probably has about things she did for him that at the time felt like a no-brainer but in hindsight seem ridiculous (which is a very common thing for everyone bc that's simply what you do when you love someone; love isn't usually rational). And this will undoubtedly be very relatable for ppl who have been in ltrs that ended bc, as you say, most of them end in the same way and most of us realize how much we actually sacrificed for it only after the fact.

i agree!!! also, we know taylor never does anything by halves. we know love is basically a religion of drug to her. we know she felt that he believed in her and loved her for her at a time when she felt she was distinctly unlovable. we know she fought hard to deal with her baggage. we know she was reflecting on fame, how fickle it is, and why she wanted it so badly (miss americana doc, mirrorball, midnight rain, to name a few.) we can look at midnights to see the things that were haunting her and they were things like: dealing with fame, choosing the hard way, reckoning with loss of self, wanting to protect love that felt fragile, blocking out noise, the empowerment and loneliness of relying on oneself. midnights feels like a very honest and logical progression past folkmore, which discussed those topics as well as infidelity, taking up space, confronting depression and pain and other sticky human desires. ttpd feels like it will further touch on these complicated and sticky and dark topics, with the added "bonus" of the specter of a breakup, and the breakup itself, haunting them. anyone whose ever lost a part of themselves to try and save a relationship of any kind will understand, i think. love is a beast that way.

[ugh-yoongi]

about u | jjk

❝ this song is about a love that you can’t reconcile—wanting to make a home out of a person that has proved to you time and again that they are not a home; they are just a person. it’s about retracing scars, negative patterns, all with the silent belief that moments of communion and understanding might justify months of misfiring and regret. we’re all just trying to get back to that ‘first high’ feeling—an honest endeavor, however futile. ❞

✤ PAIRING jungkook x f. reader ✤ GENRE exes to fwb to strangers, college/grad school au; angst, smut ✤ RATING explicit. minors do not interact. ✤ WARNINGS toxic & self-destructive behavior (inc. jealousy and possessiveness). infidelity (with an external partner). reader is bisexual (which is not a warning but a general statement so the homophobes stay away) and there is a brief mention of coming out. two people who are both too honest and unable to communicate. swearing. cigarettes and alcohol use. kissing, some spitting, fingering, oral sex, protected vaginal sex. every time i asked jess to read this over for me she always came back with "jfc jewel" so i guess this is angsty. unhappy ending. ✤ WORDCOUNT 7.3k ✤ LISTEN TO this was based off of "winterbreak" by muna, but there are bits and pieces of the entire about u album in here, "everything" and "outro" especially. ✤ THANK YOU to muna for writing the album, @the-boy-meets-evil and @hot-soop for reading over this for me multiple times and putting up with all my brainstorming and my beloved @here2bbtstrash for the extra set of eyes. ✤ AUTHOR'S NOTE hi, thank you for reading! i cannot emphasize enough how much more sense this story will make if you listen to about u in the background. i would also like to reiterate that these two are maybe not all that likeable most of the time, but i hope they're still human. as i once saw in an ao3 tag, you are more than the worst thing you've ever done.

[ the first. ] You’d read an article once—something about the second time you fall in love.

It’s going to feel different, it’d said. The first time felt like a dream.

As you stare across the kitchen at Jeongguk, you think that might be true. The part about it feeling like a dream, because it used to be a pinky-lavender haze and everything that has come after hasn’t felt so good. Not a nightmare, but close. At least with nightmares you can force yourself awake. You can tell yourself it wasn’t real. You can pretend.

This is as real as it gets, watching him smile over the rim of a plastic red cup. Someone else’s hand on his arm. The girl it belongs to looks nothing like you, and you wonder if she’ll be the second time he falls in love. You also wonder why you didn’t stay home. You wonder about fault and regret and if either of them even matter. No, you eventually decide: there’s just you in Taehyung’s kitchen and Jeongguk on the other side of it and the result of a million decisions in between you.

There had been a plenitude of reasons you’d fallen in love with Jeongguk, but he’s undoubtedly beautiful. Soft, tinkling laugh; a smile that reaches his eyes. Not all that long ago you used to be responsible for both, so there’s a lingering, bitter sting beneath your wonder. Jeongguk is beautiful and no longer yours, and that’s enough to have you retreating to the living room.

Jimin’s at your side immediately. Wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of your head that does little to alleviate your guilt. Missing someone is always easier with thousands of miles in between you. All those distractions. Just like a nightmare, distance lets you pretend. Not so easy to do when all those ghosts come back to haunt you; when you can still hear Jeongguk’s soft voice in the kitchen. The music is so loud but you’d be able to hear him anywhere, you think.

Even places he’s not.

Jimin leans down, forces his way into your personal space. “Are you doing okay?” he asks, and his words are warm and wrapped in alcohol, but you nod. You’re scared you might start crying if you open your mouth. Afraid of what might come out besides shuddering breaths, which just makes you feel stupid. Baby’s first breakup, you chide yourself. Maybe Jimin can get you a commemorative ornament.

Taehyung is turning twenty-four and it should be joyous. It is joyous. People that aren’t you are laughing and dancing and pressing their cheeks together as they huddle close to take selfies. Someone you don’t recognize is cackling wildly as they wrangle Taehyung into a headlock and smear cake frosting on his face. Someone else is tutting and running a rag under the tap to wipe it off and then the frosting is gone. It’s hard not to draw parallels.

There one minute and gone the next.

Gently wiped away.

But the feeling lingers, doesn’t it? The tack of the frosting, all the love that transpired between you and Jeongguk. Sometimes you fear it’s permanent—not able to be wiped away with a rag run under the tap, not able to be wiped away at all. Just this burden you’re cursed to carry, because Jeongguk isn’t and can’t be yours but knowing does nothing to erase the past. Doesn’t help you forget. It’s fucked and it’s unfair, but that’s just the way it goes.

“I think I should leave,” you say, watching another scene play out in the kitchen. Jeongguk fills a cup and hands it to a different pretty girl. Everyone here is so pretty. Makes sense; so is Taehyung. Pretty people are drawn to one another like that. “Is it too soon? Will it be obvious?”

Jimin sighs, wraps you in a hug. Says, “Oh, love,” in a way that’s too sympathetic. Makes you sound too pathetic. “No one will blame you. These things are hard.”

You squeeze your eyes shut. Not that you don’t appreciate Jimin’s reassurance, but sometimes it all feels a bit silly. Weren’t you the one to walk away? Call it off? Are you allowed to mourn the very thing you destroyed?

And Jimin, bless him, is so patient with you. Asks if you need a ride home and you wave him off, remind him your parents’ place isn’t far, that the cold might do you some good. You tell him you appreciate him and his night shouldn’t be ruined on your account, and you just laugh when he tries to protest, tell him to go get himself another drink.

“Text me when you get home,” he says, voice stern, and you brush that off, too. “I’m serious. It’s late and it’s dark and anyone could be out there—”

“Maybe I should walk you home, then?”

All those articles you read about the second time you fall in love didn’t mention this. Said nothing about the way a voice will always be able to turn your world on its axis and how to right it again. Said nothing about how to coexist with ghosts. Said nothing about what to do with all the yearning and the pain and the stupid, selfish strands of hope. There are paragraphs about an overarching, general grief, but nothing about the specific one living inside of you.

The shock on Jimin’s face is reflecting your own. It’s nice to not be the only one caught off-guard and stammering over their words. It’s nice to have a friend when it feels like your entire world is on the edge of collapse. “I don’t…” he begins. Swallows thickly and turns to look at you, an obvious question biting at the back of his teeth.

You know the answer.

You know that what you should say isn’t what you want, just like you know it isn’t fair, this thing you’re doing. Because you turn to Jeongguk and say, “Are you sure?” which might as well be a yes, because you’re selfish and suspended in this liminal space and don’t want him to go home with anyone else. You don’t want him to move on.

He shrugs. “It’s on the way.”

You say okay. Let Jimin help you into your coat, hide his face in your neck as he tells you to be careful, and that stings. You’ve never had to be careful around Jeongguk before. The two of you never, ever hurt one another—until you did. The kind of hurt your heart hasn’t easily forgotten, is still stubbornly clinging to.

Your heart wants Jeongguk, always.

You want Jeongguk, always, so you let him grab your hand, link your pinkies together. You let him lead you out of the house and don’t turn back to see who might be watching. God, you want to, though. Want all those pretty girls to see that he’s leaving with you. Want them to know it’s your name that’s branded on his heart; your name beneath his skin. For once, you want someone to want what you have.

It’s strange. The two of you have been apart for eight months, and there’s a lot of things you might want to tell someone in that amount of time, but you find it hard now. Don’t know where to start, which words to use. Don’t want to say something stupid, because Jeongguk is just walking you home but you’ve assigned a lot of meaning to it, and eight months is a long time to yearn for something and finally get it.

So you say, “You didn’t have to do this, you know,” because it’s something that’s true and easy to say.

Jeongguk doesn’t answer right away. Drops your pinky so he can hold your hand properly—fully, all five fingers intertwined—and squeezes. “Is it weird for you?” he asks, and he doesn’t sound nervous. Almost sounds like he’s smiling a little, giving you shit. He sounds familiar.

“No. I don’t know. Maybe a little.” He asks why? at the same time he passes under a streetlight. Lights up golden and amber. He’s beautiful—“I don’t know. It’s just… I guess it’s just been a long time. We didn’t leave things the best.”—and no longer yours.

The Jeongguk walking beside you is not the same Jeongguk that walked out of your dorm eight months ago, tears staining his cheeks, the smell of a goodbye fuck still clinging to his clothes, his skin, sweat still dotting his hairline. This Jeongguk is sharper, more selfish with his laughter, and you wonder about all the ways heartbreak can change a person. How you’re changed for facilitating it. You wonder if Jeongguk blames you before deciding you’re too much of a coward to find out the answer.

“Was it that bad?” When you look over at him, he’s chewing on his lip ring, trying to bite back a smile. “You’ll have to remind me. I don’t remember.”

You stop walking, jerking forward when Jeongguk is left unaware and keeps going. “That’s not funny,” you say. “Jeongguk, that’s not—I did what I thought was best, okay? I thought I was doing the right thing—”

The smile drops from Jeongguk’s face. “Hey, hey, look at me,” he says, and he’s hesitant to reach out and touch you but he does it anyway. Cups your face in both hands. “I know, it’s okay. That’s just—it’s just life, right? You did what you had to do, babe. It’s okay.”

You did what you had to do, babe.

Did you?

Jeongguk is selfish with his laughter but never his affection, and knowing that feels like an albatross around your neck. You have broken him so entirely, but he’s still kind to you, finds it a worthwhile thing to be.

His eyes go to your lips. Tattooed fingers dimple your face just a little more, dig in deeper. When you dare to take him in, he looks… different. No longer amused, the way he was just seconds ago; now, there’s something dark there. Longing, anger, hunger. Jeongguk looks like he wants to swallow you whole and make you suffer; looks like he wants to cage you beneath him and worship you through the comedown.

I’d let him, you think as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. As you smell the smoke that lingers, the sweat and the alcohol. I’d still let him.

It’d be so easy to press a kiss there. To feel his skin beneath your lips: flushed, still warm from the party, not all daunted by the bitter winter wind biting at your cheeks. As you lean in further, you wonder if it’ll taste the same. You wonder how much can change in eight months and if all those old comforts change, too. If it’s something inevitable.

Jeongguk moves his hands to your waist. Crawls his fingertips beneath your jacket and finds bare skin. Sucks in the smallest bit of air, and you would’ve missed it had it been any other time, but winter is always quiet and subdued. Always smells transitional, something dangerously close to hope and redemption.

And eight months is a long time to miss the feel of someone’s lips, isn’t it, so you think you can be excused for reaching for something you thought you’d never have again.

The first kiss is hesitant, testing; pressed to the spot just beneath his ear. Maybe you don’t know this Jeongguk, but you know the version of him you used to love—the one you still do—and you know the way he’ll sigh. You know the way his hands will grip tighter. You can still hear it, the way you used to kiss him there and he’d say, don’t start something you can’t finish, baby, and the way you’d laugh and always, always finish it. Can still feel the warmth that used to bloom in your chest. The love.

Jeongguk won’t say that now, you know. Wonder if it’d sound more like don’t start something you already finished if he did. He huffs a small laugh, more an exhale than anything, and asks, “What are you doing?”

And you answer, “I don’t know,” because it’s honest. You admit, “I guess I just miss you,” because it’s true.

A war wages within Jeongguk. You can see the storms, the white flags that are close to being thrown out. Can see the way his gaze flits between your lips and your eyes. What he’s looking for, you don’t know, but the storm rages on. And just like real life, just when you think it’s at its worst, there’s a break in the clouds: a tangible beam of silvery-warm light when Jeongguk tangles his hands in your hair, thumbs at the hinge of your jaw. Jeongguk tilts your head back and looks ethereal in the amber glow of the streetlights.

He says, “We shouldn’t,” and you nod, because you know and the anguish on his face is surely mirrored on yours, but when he follows it with, “let me take you home, let me take care of you,” you find it impossible to care.

You nod.

Everything is amber.

Eight months is a long time to go without the way Jeongguk kisses you: intentionally, demandingly, insatiably. He still tastes the same. Tastes like the first time you’d ever dared to kiss him, back at that party freshman year, tongue flavored with cheap liquor. Jeongguk tastes forbidden and feels like coming home.

You couldn’t say how you make it to Jeongguk’s apartment, but the way you stumble over the threshold feels familiar. The way the door is barely locked when Jeongguk crowds your space; picks you up, wraps your legs around his waist, presses you against it, hips moving on their own accord, rutting, all those little sounds spilling from his lips—everything is familiar. This is not just a practiced song and dance but something memorized. Something instinctual. You could be apart from Jeongguk for years instead of months and your body would still know what to do.

He carries you to his bedroom and you don’t think about who else has been between his sheets, because he puts you down so gently. Kisses your lips, your jaw, your neck—all gentle, powder-soft. Sounds like spring when you paw at the velvety cashmere of his sweater, pull it over his head, and he sighs. Feels like he’s breathing fresh life into something he shouldn’t, something long dead, but then you skim along his warm skin and your world is reduced to the way it feels like silk beneath your fingertips.

“I still love you,” Jeongguk whispers against your mouth, his inked fingers toying with the button on your jeans. Pops it open, pulls the denim down your thighs. Doesn’t bother pulling them off, only goes as far as your knees. And it’s uncomfortable, the way it’s bunched there, but the way Jeongguk says, “Fuck, missed you so much,” is so sweet.

Everything happens too fast.

Jeongguk leaves your shirt on. Drags it up and over your breasts and kisses at the newly-exposed skin. Sinks his teeth in, lets it hurt for a second before he laves over the marks. Settles between your legs and coaxes an orgasm out of you with his mouth and his fingers. Speaks his praise into the juncture of your thigh, breathless as he touches himself, strokes his cock with the wetness lingering on his fingers. Looks so, so pretty when he sits back on his haunches and says, “Just wanna look at you,” and makes it sound wistful and longing.

Makes it sound like it means something.

He’s still touching himself, still slicking himself up. There’s a split second where he goes to move and thinks better of it. Looks to the side before looking back at you. The storm kicks up again. “Have—” he begins before he swallows thickly. Dares to look hopeful, even through the squall. “Have you been with anyone else? Since…?”

You haven’t. Tried to, once—another stupid party, more cheap liquor passed to your mouth from someone else’s, but it hadn’t gone anywhere. They hadn’t tasted like Jeongguk; hadn’t felt the same. Two puzzle pieces that fit together all wrong.

Jeongguk has, though. Something you’d heard from a friend of a friend that you weren’t meant to. They’d called it a rebound, and it had bloomed so many ugly thoughts in your head. Five months had passed. Jeongguk was fucking someone else in his bed while you were in yours, torturing yourself over whether or not to tell him happy birthday. Whether it was allowed to or not, it’d stung.

(You had. You’d reworded the text a million times, plucked up all the courage you could find before you sent it. It’d gone unanswered, just like you expected it would, and you thought it was because Jeongguk didn’t want to talk to you. Thought you were digging your fingers into wounds that had yet to heal, so it’d stung but you understood.

But Jeongguk hadn’t answered because he was fucking someone else. Had someone else’s taste on his tongue; was panting someone else’s name into the dark. The embarrassment had been the worst part.)

Still does, if you’re being honest with yourself, so you lie. “I—yeah,” you answer. “Just one.”

Looks like it stings Jeongguk, too. “Right,” he responds, blinking back tears, and he’s got a lot of nerve, you think. “Yeah, okay, I’ll just—a condom. Are you…”

“Jeongguk—”

“Are you sure? Maybe this isn’t…” He huffs. Drops the condom on the bed, hangs his head. “What are we doing?”

You stare up at the ceiling. Nothing up there but the swirls in the plaster. “I don’t know,” you admit. “Hurting each other, probably.”

Jeongguk walks his fingers down your thigh. Grips at your skin, wants it to bruise. Wants you to have something to remember him by come morning. “Sometimes I’m really mad at you, you know?”

“Yeah, trust me, I know.”

He nods. Refuses to look you in the eye now that you’re watching him. “I still love you so fucking much and I’m still so angry. What am I supposed to do with that? What am I… fuck, I thought I was over it. I thought I’d see you and not feel a fucking thing.” There’s fresh ink on the back of his left hand. You hadn’t noticed it earlier, but you notice it now, when he runs his hands down his face.

You also notice the way the atmosphere shifts, the split second in which his heartache bleeds into something else—resolve, maybe. Obstinacy. Like he knows how this is going to end and he’s going to do it anyway. He’s going to find the most painful part and press on it, dig his fingers in, and it’s just an inevitable, foregone thing. Something he can prevent and something he’s choosing not to.

“You fucked someone else,” he sneers. Rips the foil open with his teeth, flashing too white in the dark of his bedroom. Rolls the condom on like it’s an inconvenience. Like you’re an inconvenience. “Was it good? Was it worth it?”

You roll your eyes. Feel the way your breath catches in your throat, because you’re not going to cry. Jeongguk fucked someone else and is vilifying you and it’s hypocritical and ugly and unfair, but you’re not going to cry over it. You’re going to press the gas pedal as far as it can go, say, “Yeah, it was,” and find some wicked delight in the way his eyes squeeze shut, as if it can spare him from the pain.

The two of you used to love each other. Jeongguk used to smile down at you when you were naked beneath him like this. Used to lean in close and whisper that he loved you just as he pushed inside even though you knew, you could feel it in everything he did. Now, there’s no smile. Now, he leans down and spits on your pussy and pushes inside and doesn’t tell you a goddamn thing.

Not with words, anyway.

Because the way he fucks you says it all. Impersonal, desperate, bitter. He grips your hips and fucks into you frenzied and fast. Takes your hand and puts it on your clit and tells you to get yourself off. An inconvenience. Tells you he misses your tight cunt, tells you he misses the way it milks his cock, tells you he misses watching the way you come undone underneath him, but he doesn’t tell you he misses you.

There’s a moment, just after he spills into the condom and stays inside, just catching his breath, when you think he might say it. Might tell you he loves you around the lump in his throat, might apologize, might ask if you two can’t figure it out.

There’s only a moment.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. Lets the moment pass. Pulls out and ties off the condom and wordlessly gets up to throw it away. It’s the silence that pisses you off. The disregard. Jeongguk hates you for something you’d lied about doing that he’d done for real, so you can be wordless, too. You can treat him like an inconvenient, cheap fuck, too. You can get up and find your clothes and pull them on and let him watch, words biting at the back of his teeth, and you can tell yourself to feel nothing.

You can say, “You’ve got a lot of fucking nerve,” and not shy away from the resentment in your voice, because it’s properly placed. “You fucked someone else, too, so you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve, Jeongguk.”

Eight months is a long time to miss someone, to play at daydreams. To think of all the things you want to say, the things you’ll do. In not one of them did you think about this: you, fully dressed and stinking of sex, saying, “It’s late. I’ll show myself out.”

Jeongguk, tears glistening on his cheeks, saying, “No, let me—baby, I’m sorry, please—I’ll drive you.”

A shake of your head. Jeongguk doesn’t push it.

Roll credits.

[ the second. ] Jimin wants to talk your ear off about it—the girl you’re seeing.

It’s new and there isn’t much to say. You tell him the two of you met at one of the student showcases put on by the art department and leave off the part about all of Jeongguk’s old friends being there, that he would’ve participated, too, if he hadn’t dropped out after you broke his heart. Leave off the part where you would’ve been there to support him instead, in another life. Leave off the part where it’d just been morbid curiosity: you, not an art student, wandering those halls to see if Jeongguk’s photographs were still framed on the wall.

“Is she nice?” Jimin asks, head nearly knocking into yours as someone shoves by him. “Fucking asshole.”

You nod. “Why would I date someone that wasn’t nice?”

Jimin, perpetually unbothered until he decidedly isn’t, sends you a look that he hides behind the rim of his cup. “Because you’re in your self-destruction era and aren’t thinking clearly.”

“The fuck does that mean?”

“Exactly what I said. You know I’m happy if you’re happy, but…” He pauses as he trails off. Tries to wrap his words in something delicate. “It’s pretty clear you still aren’t over it. That’s all.”

You snort. “That’s all?” you repeat, like it’s some small thing. Like it’s normal and fine.

“I’m sure it’s easier to pretend when the two of you are thousands of miles apart,” Jimin amends, and he must see how you bristle, stung by the callout, because his eyes soften. “Tell me about her.”

She’s beautiful and kind and smart. Smokes clove cigarettes and the smell is always clinging to her skin. You know how to make her come but don’t know what she’s majoring in—fashion, you think, because she’s always holding fabric swatches against your skin. Tells you what suits you and what doesn’t. Tells you which textures don’t work, what’s too warm, and she doesn’t need to tell you what’s too cold because you already know it’s you.

She’s beautiful and kind and smart and has no idea you’re still in love with someone else.

But you can’t tell Jimin that, can you? Can’t tell him about how she’d dragged you to a private corner in the gallery and kissed you breathless; the way she made you come on her fingers; the way Jeongguk’s name nearly slipped out of your mouth as you shook. Can’t tell him that she’s got arms full of art. Delicate patchwork; nothing like the harsh, bold colors inked into Jeongguk’s skin, but it feels the same to trace the lines.

You can’t tell him much of anything, so what you settle on is, “She’s nice—good for me,” and it doesn’t sound convincing to either of you.

Jimin doesn’t call you on it, though. Not again. Instead, he keeps his gaze steady, staring into the fire, the flames dancing wildly when you meet his eye. “You need to be careful,” he says. “You’re going to hurt her, too. Maybe worse than you hurt him.”

“Jimin—”

“Just be careful,” he reiterates, and all you can do is nod. What else is there to do besides wait for the inevitable crash and burn?

And it’s a little unfair, you think, that Taehyung grows older every single year. A little unfair that guilt won’t let you decline the invitations. A little unfair that you can still pick Jeongguk’s laughter out of a crowd. A little unfair that these hometown friends-turned-acquaintances still throw sideways glances whenever someone else touches him, as if he still has someone to answer to; as if they’re expecting something.

An hour. You’ve survived an hour longer than you did last year, and it’s not much but you’re still proud of yourself. You’ve had a drink, talked to someone other than Jimin. Managed to ignore the way Jeongguk is ignoring you; the way he immediately leaves a room as soon as you enter.  Maybe it’s better like this, you reckon. Maybe it’s what you need.

An hour is long enough. Jimin doesn’t comment on the way your bones crack when you stand to leave. No one needs a reminder of growing older. He doesn’t ask if you’ll be okay, either; if you need a ride home. Instead, he stays quiet as he studies you, clearly wondering if lightning strikes twice. If you’re going to be able to walk past Jeongguk and out the door without making another mistake.

You can at least make it across Taehyung’s sprawling yard and to the house. You can dodge the sweat-slick bodies and the girls sitting in laps. You can toss your empty cup in an overflowing trash can. You can pretend the eyes on your back are well-intentioned.

You can make it to the bathroom.

Annoying, the way your phone has been vibrating all night only to disappoint you. Irrational. You scroll past the emoji-laden messages, the coy flirting, because they’re from the person you’re actually dating—the person you told you were going to sleep early—and not from Jeongguk. You should feel guilty. You should feel guilty, but the face staring back at you in the mirror doesn’t look guilty at all.

She looks tired. A little beat-down, but that’s life.

Maybe that’s just what happens when you’ve spent the last two years of your life chasing after ghosts.

A knock at the door startles you. Sends your phone tumbling to the floor, screen probably cracked to hell, and you swear under your breath. “Just a minute!” you call out, a little stunned from how threadbare you feel all of a sudden.

Still, the knocking continues, and you’re on your knees on this bathroom floor and all you want to do is cry. You don’t want to be on this floor in this house. You don’t want to keep putting in the effort of maintaining the facades of all these friendships. You don’t want to keep coming back to this town, don’t want to keep being confronted with the harsh reality of all your mistakes.

“Just a fucking min—”

The words die on your tongue, because there Jeongguk stands, all the air in your lungs dissipating at the amount of space he takes up. Even worse when he steps inside and locks the door behind him. You feel like you’re going to drown. You feel like you’re going to scream or cry or both, and you’re still on the floor, still on your knees, and it feels too much like penance when you look up at him. Feels like you’re groveling, praying for forgiveness.

You stand quickly, ignoring the rush of blood to your head, the way your legs tingle. Jeongguk still hasn’t said a word, doesn’t seem like that’s going to change, either, and it’s really all you can do to stay on your feet when everything in you is screaming to collapse.

Eventually, he says, “You’re seeing someone,” and it isn’t a question, not really, but it borders on one. It’s a question and a confirmation and somehow sounds a lot like he’s asking for permission for something.

“I—yeah.” You swallow. “It’s new.”

He hums. Steps a little closer. Leans against the sink. Darts out his tongue to swipe at his bottom lip before he tugs his lip ring between his teeth. “Yeah? Does he treat you well?”

“She,” you correct, and there’s a flash of something in his eyes. Surprise, maybe. Jeongguk, at one point, had known everything about you, but not this. “And yeah,” you add on, barely a whisper, “she does.”

Part of you feels embarrassed. Jeongguk had known everything about you but not this, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed or guilty but it still sits there in the middle of your chest. Feels like you’ve been keeping secrets. Feels like shame, even though you aren’t ashamed. Feels like you’re awaiting judgment. But the surprise in Jeongguk’s eyes disappears and something else settles in its place—uncertainty, if you had to guess.

“Are you happy with her?”

You shrug. “Like I said, it’s new.”

And Jeongguk is as emulous as ever, because he asks, “Does it feel like what we had?” and you already know the answer is no.

“I’m not sure anything will.”

It’s honest; you hadn’t said it to appease him, but he looks pleased anyway. You’re starting to understand why so many people write about their first love. Why it’s such a powerful role to fill. Because you and Jeongguk are standing in a bathroom behind a locked door, feet apart from one another, and you think, I don’t think there’s anyone I will ever love more than him even though it’s been two years. You think, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this.

You think, I would try over and over and over again if he asked me to.

Later on, when you’re alone in your childhood bed and your face is streaked with tears, only your shame and guilt for company, you won’t be able to figure out who moved first, but one of you had.

Once upon a time, you had known everything about Jeongguk, too. You could recite his taste from memory, but it’s different this time. He licks into your mouth and it tastes like ash—nothing like the clove cigarettes your girlfriend smokes, but close enough that the parallel burns like acid in your throat. It’s close enough that you can keep your eyes shut and pretend again.

This time there’s no softness to be found. There’s just Jeongguk’s mouth pressed to yours, barely letting you breathe, not wanting anyone to hear. There’s just the sink digging into your back. Jeongguk’s hands gripping at your waist, pulling at the hem of your skirt. There’s the frustration and desperation of two people who love each other but will never, ever get it right.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as he spits into his hand and slicks you up, if you’re going to tell her.

There’s you, already too far gone, saying you don’t know.

There’s Jeongguk asking, as you’re clenching around him and dragging him with you to the edge, if you’d come back to him if he asked you to.

There’s you, already knowing the answer to this, too, saying you would.

But this isn’t that and Jeongguk doesn’t ask. When it’s over, he tosses the condom and does a half-assed job of helping you clean up and he doesn’t ask. He splashes water on his face and fixes his hair and he doesn’t ask. He tucks his cock back into his briefs and zips his jeans and he doesn’t ask.

Jeongguk has one hand on the doorknob and he doesn’t ask you to come back. Instead, he asks, “How long are you gonna keep doing this?”

For once, you don’t have an answer.

[ the third. ] You go even farther away for grad school.

You try to put more distance between you and Jeongguk, more distance between you and all the skeletons in your closet, but you just pack them up in different boxes and bring them with you.

You spend New Year’s Eve chain-smoking in your parents’ back yard—that same brand of clove cigarettes, because hearts are easy to break but some habits are not. Sometimes it’s a comfort to hurt yourself in the same way you hurt others, so you chain-smoke and you don’t go to to Taehyung’s birthday party because you weren’t invited and it doesn’t sting in the same way that it doesn’t sting that Jimin doesn’t call you once you’re home because he hasn’t spoken to you in a year.

The clock ticks down to midnight. Someone sets off fireworks. Absolutely nothing changes.

There are no half-baked resolutions. There’s no hope that this is going to be the year you get your shit together. There’s just you and the bed you’ve made for yourself; the autopilot you can’t—won’t—turn off, because you don’t know where you’re going anyway so you might as well just go wherever it’s taking you. There’s guilt and there’s shame and there’s baggage, but they’re all old friends. Those are old scars.

The sweatshirt you’re wearing doesn’t belong to you, and it does little to protect you from the bitter cold that bites at your skin. Jeongguk doesn’t belong to you, either, but he keeps coming back to you like he does.

“Mind if I sit down?”

You shrug, gesturing to the empty chair beside you. The small fire you’d built is down to its last embers, and it’s what you focus on, because you can’t focus on Jeongguk anymore.

“You weren’t at Tae’s.”

“Wasn’t invited.”

“Oh,” he breathes. “Sorry, I didn’t know. I would’ve—”

“It’s fine. I wouldn’t have gone anyway.”

He seems to hear what you don’t say. I wouldn’t have gone because I can’t be around you anymore. I wouldn’t have gone because I don’t trust myself with you. I wouldn’t have gone because I’ve burned down every good thing in my life trying to keep you. “Oh. Yeah, that—that makes sense.”

He’d texted you. Asked if he could see you. Just wanted to talk, and you’ve never cared much for symbolism, but nearing midnight on New Year’s Eve had seemed as good a time as any to let it go, so you’d said yes. Now, when there isn’t much to say, all of Jeongguk’s flimsy excuses are laid bare. Transparent.

“Was Jimin there?”

Jeongguk nods. “You didn’t know?”

You shake your head. Feels like it’s made of concrete. “No. We haven’t talked since last winter break.”

“Because of—”

How cruel, that you’d confessed to Jimin instead of the one person who deserved to know. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

You shrug again. “It’s okay. I don’t think it’s permanent, just until I can get my shit together, I guess. Wasn’t fair to drag him into my mess anyway.”

“It’s not that easy,” Jeongguk says, and it sounds like something he wants to be true. It sounds like something he’s said countless times in defense of himself. “We’d—I’d do it if I could.”

“Yeah,” you agree, “of course.”

Silence creeps up again, so you dig another cigarette out of the pack and offer one to Jeongguk that he waves away. “Cloves? That’s a weird choice.”

“Just something I picked up along the way.”

He hears you again: They’re what she used to smoke. It helps me heal to hurt myself with something that reminds me of her. Sometimes I chain-smoke clove cigarettes and I don’t wash the smell from my hands, my clothes, my hair, because it makes me feel less alone.

So he asks, “Was it real?”

“Doesn’t matter,” you answer, flicking the wheel of your lighter, words spoken around the cigarette stuck between your lips. “It never had a chance. Not a real one, anyway.”

“Do your parents know?”

“Know what? That I went away to college and started fucking women?” Jeongguk shrugs. Has the audacity to look embarrassed. “What are you trying to ask me? You wanna know if I keep coming back to you because I’m scared to come out to my parents?”

“No. I don’t know. I just—”

The laugh that escapes you is scorched and bitter. Sounds the way the tobacco tastes. “No, Jeongguk. I keep coming back to you because I keep hoping you’ll ask me to.” I keep hoping you still want me.

“I almost did,” he admits, and you can hear how he swallows around the lump in his throat. “The first time.”

“When you were a dick about me sleeping with someone else? Yeah, okay. You didn’t want me back, you just didn’t want me to be with anyone else.”

He huffs. “How the fuck do you know what I want? You’ve never bothered to ask.”

“Because it doesn’t matter,” comes your response, stilted and practiced. “It doesn’t matter what we want, because we’re just going to keep hurting one another trying to get it right.” You suck in a breath, wipe furiously at the tears on your cheeks. “And we’re never going to.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Then ask.” Jeongguk startles, looks at you with wide eyes. “Ask me to come back for real, Jeongguk, and I will.”

A beat of silence.

Two, three, four.

Someone sets off another round of fireworks. A dog barks. It’s so cold that you can see Jeongguk’s breath each time he exhales, each time he breathes out instead of speaking. All the words he isn’t saying. And it’s exactly how you knew it would go, but it does nothing to tamp down the devastation in your chest.

You’d confessed your transgressions to Jimin and thought your silence to your ex-girlfriend was a gift, that it was sparing her the pain of what you’d done. Now you understand that someone’s silence can be the most vicious thing of all.

[ the last. ] Graduation looms. It’s the last winter break you’re spending at home.

Your therapist suspects you get your compartmentalism from your parents.

They don’t mention it. They see the stack of boxes and your bare bedroom walls and they don’t say a word about any of it. They watch you pack everything in your car and don’t offer to help. They process their grief silently, and when you can’t stand it anymore, you say, “I dated a woman my senior year of undergrad, you know.”

They don’t say anything to that, either, but it feels good to tell them. Feels a little like freedom and reclamation, like you can be who you are in front of others.

When you leave for good, you don’t want to repackage all those same skeletons.

So you meet Jimin for lunch and you take it in stride that everything is weird, that there’s nearly two years of silence to fill. You don’t ask for forgiveness and he doesn’t demand it of you, just asks if you’re doing better. “I’m doing the best I can,” you answer, and it’s human and honest enough that he accepts it with a warm smile.

Jeongguk is more difficult.

There’s no way to neatly box up that kind of baggage.

You’d intended to stop by his apartment to talk, tell him you aren’t coming back anymore. There’s nothing left here for you, you’d told him, and there was a flash of something. A there’s me, isn’t there? that had gone unsaid, destined for the same fate as a million other unspoken words between you.

Because there is him, but there’s also the way you’re desperately trying to claw back into something resembling normalcy. You’d lost yourself when you also lost Jeongguk, and you need to figure out who you are without him. You need to know who you are once you stop running and let your demons catch up with you. You need to hear what they have to say.

Maybe Jeongguk had said it best last year—“It’s not that easy. I’d do it if I could.”—because you’re nothing if not predictable and self-destructive.

You’re nothing if not naked and on your back beneath him, your fingers threaded through his hair as he rocks his hips into you, more tender than you deserve. His lips are ghosting along your skin and every press feels like a brand. Feels like he’s both making a mockery of you and declaring you ruined for anyone who might come after him. Feels like you’ll love him until you die.

(Some version of you must exist outside of Jeongguk’s grasp—outside of his orbit, his bed—but right now, as he twines your fingers together and pins them above your head, you can’t figure out who she might be.)

Eight months had been a long time to think of all the things you wanted to say, and four years is worse. Four years, and you still can’t bring yourself to ask him to try again, but there’s nothing after this, nothing to lose, so your voice is hoarse and raw when you say, “Jeongguk,” and he groans a little, nips at the column of your throat because he loves the way you say his name. “Jeongguk,” you repeat, because he senses the urgency, hears what you aren’t saying.

“Yeah, baby, say it. Whatever it is, tell me.”

He rolls his hips faster. Before, he would’ve tried to prolong the ending, but he’s hurtling towards it now. There’s nothing after this, you know, but you need the confirmation. You need to finally put all of this to rest. “I want to—” His cock strokes someplace that whites out your vision. “Fuck, want to—want you to come with me.”

He laughs, full of himself, probably smirking out the side of his mouth. “Keep squeezing me like that and I will soon.”

“No,” you insist, shocked at the conviction in your voice, “when I leave. Come with me.”

Everything slows. Jeongguk pulls back, moves his hands to cover himself, and there’s nothing but cold confusion in his absence. “What?”

“I didn’t ask you before. Last year. I just—I left it up to you, and you’re right, I didn’t ask what you wanted, but I didn’t tell you what I wanted, either. But I’m telling you now. I’m asking—”

There was never going to be anything after this.

Jeongguk’s silence says it all.

The way he pulls out and rolls you onto your stomach. The way he fucks as fast and as hard as he can. The way he used to love you openly and honestly and now holds whatever’s left close to his chest like it’s something to be ashamed of.

Someone’s silence can always be the most vicious thing of all.

Roll credits.

thank you so much for reading, and an additional thank you in advance if you decide to reblog my work. as always, my inbox is always open for any feedback! ♡

[channelinglament]

Is it okay if I send this idea. Imagine yandere hsr hearing you singing love songs. Imagine you singing a song like call me maybe. The characters would think you are asking them for their number.

AHAHAHHAH THIS IS GOLD✨️✨️

Since no one specified characters, I'll chose randomly (I actually started spinning the wheel in google lmao-)

- this is a reaction, not a drabble like I attempted ;w;

@2broschlininahotub

Trailblazer(Caelus and Stelle)

(You can think of one or both, I referred as they/them because I wanted you to pick the one you're comfortable with, or both if u want to. I mean, they're the same person-...but I can't help but think of them as twins lmaooo)

╱|、

(˚ˎ 。7

|、˜〵

じしˍ,)ノ

^ this is them.

"Did our Aeon just started singing??"

- they would just stand there and listen

- until they understand this is a romance

- Are you proposing your love for them?🥹

..You're asking for their number?

...💳💥💳💥💳💥💳💥 (this is Welt's credit card)

- You can get not only their number, but their(Welt's) money aswell!

- Also wdym by "You just met them"..?

- If they somehow manage to hack your phone (50/50 chance) then they'll 100% call you

...10000% call you if they manage actually..

They will not leave you alone afterwards tho..

You love them right?

Dan Heng

- ...

- * blushes and looks away *

- ૮ ˶ᵔ . ᵔ˶ ა

- Would definitely find a way to hack your phone and get your number. Though, probably, by this moment, you'll be at Herta's space station.

- would not question why did you start singing. Actually would ask you to sing more, he absolutely loves it.

..just don't sing it nearby others..

-2/10 would not recommend. Sing only to him. At least only romance songs (or around the trio)

March 7th

- Uwah!♡

- This is so cute!

- Ofcourse you can have her number!

- Would you like to take pictures with her?

- Maybe a date even?????

- *Furiously writes in her diary several pages about your "confession" for her*

/ᐢ⑅ᐢ\ ♡ ₊˚

꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ ♡‧₊˚ ♡

./づ~ :¨·.·¨: ₊˚

`·..·‘ ₊˚ ♡

Please sing it only to her.. just in general

She loves your voice, but

She can't chose, if she wants everyone to hear you, or if your voice should be only to her (or trio)

Silver Wolf

(Yes 2 gifs)

This two gifs is literally what she is doing after hearing what you just sang (while you're still singing-)

- Hacks your phone, takes your number and adds her.

- Even tho Herta froze her game accs...is willing to work with her and that robo-guy to bring you here.

- Doesn't wanna share with Herta and others..so would steal you afterwards

- Say hello to life with Kafka and Blade

- Until others find you..

Gepard

- *Blushing intensifies*

- He would turn into tomato

- His face would be redder than Riddle Rosehearts's hair

- Stutters

- Malfunctions

- But happy

- When you're here, would take you on a date. And give you his number almost immediately.

- Sadly cannot do anything before Herta, SW, Welt and others bring you here.

..He's so angry that he wanst the first one to see you, but at least you're here now

He understands that you need to communicate with others but..

Make sure to pay attention to him

___________________________________________

..Want me to make part 2?

..if yes then what characters? Or should I spin the wheel again?

https://spinthewheel.app/RJM6E2G5Di/link

[sailing-through-hawkins]

✧ dedicated to that one anon that made me feel so happy about the siren kas au again!! also thank you mea for beta-reading this for me you are a lifesaver!! going to tag @xenon-demon and @chaoticlovingdreamer because i know you both were interested in this idea hope it's cool to tag you!! ✧

The first time it happens, it's not a big deal.

They were on their way to start a supply run, some small groceries, snacks and sweets, to try and keep the mood up.

He had already done his rounds, checked in on El (still exhausted) and Dustin (still sleeping with his head on his mom's lap; she's still wiping her tears away when Steve sees her) and the Byers (still huddled together, warm, loving). He felt a twinge in his chest at the absence of Lucas and Erica but he knows they're with their parents because they did a check-in literally ten minutes ago. They're safe.

Steve knows they're safe. He just wishes they felt safe.

A whole month of fear and caution but this time, instead of a couple of kids sharing glances across town, nodding and walking on, it's everyone in Hawkins, gawking up at the dark clouds without any idea of what's been happening under their noses for years.

He wishes they never had to find out.

"Hey," Robin says, grasping his hand as she steps out onto the doorstep next to him. "We got this, right?"

"Yeah," Steve grips her hand back, stroking his thumb over the ink doodles across her knuckles. Sometimes he thinks the only reason they'll make it is that he's got her by his side. "We got this."

She smiles a thin, watery smile, lifts up her mask and makes her way to the car. He inhales, covers his nose with the black bandana Dustin gave him and follows behind her, gripping at the cold, empty space in his palm.

The forest was always one of the worst parts of living in this house, but the darkness has turned it ashy and cold, like something out of a zombie movie. He wonders, as he stares through the trees, if Barb got to see the forest before she was pulled through.

That's when he hears the music.

An echo of a guitar strumming. It's faint, the sound warbling as the guitar gets tuned and re-tuned every few strums.

It's so quiet, he thinks, so why does it sound so close?

"Steve?" Robin calls out, her eyes as wide and beautiful and terrified as ever under her goggles. She stands next to his car, one hand tapping the hood nervously. "You ready?"

Steve blinks and shakes his head, the echo of the guitar fading away as he twirls his keys around his finger. "Ready."

Probably just someone playing around on the radio or something, he reasons as he starts the engine.

No big deal.

Two days later and everyone is in the living room.

Everyone meaning literally everyone, even fucking Mrs Wheeler, all to discuss shelter for the families who lost their houses in the earthquake.

Steve's house is already full of most of the Party (Dustin insisted they use the name for the entire Upside-Down-Expert-Team), otherwise he'd offer it as a place for people to stay in until they can get something more permanent.

That's all this place is good for anyways. Just a rest stop.

"I appreciate that, Mom." Nancy taps her finger on the dining table, eyes squinting and lips squeezed into a very fake smile. Steve winces and starts to make his way to the sun room, gripping the blankets in his arms tightly as she continues. "But some of these people need -"

It's pretty easy to tune the discussion out, focusing on laying out the blankets and making as much of the space as comfortable as possible. The big windows let so much sunlight in, it's perfect for anyone who wants to soak up in the warmth. The only problem is the view.

He pointedly doesn't look at the pool, hands on his hips as he surveys the room, and that's when he starts to hear the guitar again. The strumming starts up quietly and washes over him, re-tuning itself every time he starts to rearrange the blankets again. A few minutes of tuning and it starts to play a song this time.

Steve tilts his head, staring out at the pool. Someone must have switched on the lights when it started getting dark.

When did it get so dark? He should go back and check on everyone, make sure they're comfortable. Is there enough space? Maybe he should redo the blankets?

The song soaks the back of his neck.

The blankets are perfect. He and Robin just can share.

It's so familiar, he thinks, as the water ripples with the wind. Something he's heard, but not listened to.

There shouldn't be any water in the pool. Why is there -

The song is slow, coiling behind his ear and gently drifting down his shoulders, making him shiver. He thinks he should know the music, humming along to it as the guitar starts to get louder. It feels nice, a comforting chill down his back that eases the tension of his wounds.

His wounds. Robin. Robin, his bat bites still hurt, why does it hurt so much, what's -

Oh, he thinks as the music plays even louder in his ear, in his mind, that's not the radio.

"Steve!"

Robin is crying, hands crushing his jaw, her face blocking the view of the empty pool. The music is gone.

"Steve, please!"

"Rob?" he croaks, swallowing the dryness of his tongue. His head feels flooded with a fuzziness, blood rushing through his veins like it was moving too slowly before. He blinks when he realizes they're outside now, standing between the pool and the house. It's still daylight. "What -?"

She pulls him into a hug, and he struggles, but manages to wrap his own arms around her, if kinda slowly. "You just - you weren't saying anything and started walking to the pool and I couldn't stop you -"

"Steve," Nancy says somewhere to his left. He barely manages to lift his head to look at her, blue eyes sharp and a Walkman held tightly in her hand. "What did you see?"

The fuzziness is fading away but his brain is still moving through a fog to connect words together. "I heard music."

Robin's face is in front of his again, eyes wide and beautiful and terrified. Oh, Robbie. "Vecna uses music now?"

"Not Vecna." Steve wrinkles his nose. "It...wasn't Vecna."

"How do you know that?" Nancy squints at him and he rests his forehead against Robin's, his bones melting into stone, too heavy to hold up. He hears the creak of the Walkman, Nancy gripping it tighter. "Steve, how do you know it's not Vecna?"

"Music w's nice." His eyes are closing. "Felt nice."

After that, the plan was never leave Steve alone.

It made bathroom breaks awkward but Argyle was so chill about it that Steve didn't even mind after the first two trips.

El couldn't find anything Upside-Downy on him, and there was the entire town with Upside-Downy shit happening everywhere, so there wasn't really much more to the plan than him having a bodyguard.

They made a chart for their shifts. God, he loves these shitheads.

"Here, man," Argyle says quietly, handing over three slices of pizza with a wink. Steve thanks him with a real, if exhausted, smile. Sleep hasn't been easy for the past week. "Fresh outta the oven."

"You're a godsend, dude," Steve groans, blowing air on the pizza slice. Mike grumbles under his breath about "hair-bias", whatever the fuck that means. Erica just rolls her eyes and shoves at his head.

The Sinclairs are visiting today, the parents persuaded by Lucas and Erica's whining (and a little bit of Steve's charm) so they can spend more time at "home base" with the others.

They're sat in the living room, eating lunch as rays of sunlight shine on the food like some kind of holy blessing, with the rest of the Party.

The rest of the survivors would be more accurate.

He tries not thinking about it, tries to appreciate the warm cheese and loud laughter. There's too much to not think about. How Max isn't here, how she deserves more, how he wants to see her okay and alive and happy.

Eddie isn't here either, and he doesn't think about how much he deserved better too.

"Steve thought it was cool! Right, Steve?"

He wishes Eddie could have made it, that Dustin didn't have to lose him like that.

Hell, they could have been friends. Maybe buried the hatchet so they could make fun of Dustin together, catch each other's eye whenever the tone makes an appearance and just laugh whenever he wasn't looking.

"I said, right, Steve?"

Maybe they could have hung out. Steve would come over to his trailer - or maybe Eddie would come over for a swim - and he'd make fun of Eddie's taste in bands - or maybe he'd listen to him play his guitar, never looking away from those ringed fingers as they created wonderful, wonderful music.

"Dude?"

Oh shit, the music is back. That's probably not good, is it?

But it's so sweet. So calming and cool, like a balm against his torn skin, washing over the dark feelings that built up in his ribcage.

"Steve!"

The song ripples through his veins and he sighs at the feeling. The pool doesn't have water anymore, he thinks. He emptied it so long ago. The music is sad, and his heart clenches at the sound.

The lake has water, he thinks. And the song turns light, sweet, calling him, curling around him, pulling him towards -

"Sorry about this, dude."

"Fuck!" Steve gasps when he hits the ground, groaning as his back ache returns at full force. "What the fuck, man?"

To his credit, Argyle looks genuinely sorry and helps him back onto his feet, holding Steve up with a tight arm around his waist and a tighter grip on his wrist. His shoulder aches at being thrown over Argyle's neck but walking is a lot easier when someone else is carrying half the weight.

He feels so heavy now.

"What - happened?" Steve croaks as they hobble back to the house. When did he leave it?

"You just got up and you weren't -" Dustin swallows, his voice croaky like he'd been yelling. "It's like you weren't even there."

"God, you can't keep doing this, Steve," Robin smacks his shoulder with a tight smile, tears still unshed in her eyes. His chest aches at them. "How many times are you gonna walk out on me?"

"Sorry Robbie," he says and accepts her very tight ow, ow, ow hug with a sad laugh. "I don't know what's going on."

"Was it the music again?" Will asks quietly.

Steve looks at him, leaning his head against Robin's. When did he get so tall? When did they all grow up already? "Yeah," Steve replies, just as quiet. He swallows when Robin lets out a sob into his shoulder. "It was the same song."

By the time his brain is fully functional ("Debatable," Mike sneers, crying out when El smacks him up the head), everyone's already discussing the new plan.

"We'll need to make notes, figure out the pattern, see if there're any triggers for Steve." Nancy said and he tries not to let it get to him, the fact that he needs babysitting now, that he can't do anything without being watched. "If the music makes people feel...good, it could still be a whole new tactic. Maybe Vecna wants our guard down, maybe he's countering our favourite songs, maybe it's a distraction. We have to be ready."

Steve still wants to grumble that it could never be Vecna, that's insulting, but he's too tired to argue about anything anymore.

They've even rearranged who sleeps where so that the Sinclairs can sleep over. They take one of the guest rooms while Mrs Henderson and Dustin join Steve in his own room. He almost loses his mind cackling when the both of them eye his wallpaper with the same mix of disgust and fascination. When Mrs Henderson sees the curtains, she almost gags and it's the loudest he's laughed in a long time.

"You're gonna be okay," Dustin tells him right before they fall asleep. Steve looks up at him from the floor where he lays, couch pillows doing more for his back than training against monsters ever did. "You'll be fine."

"'Course I will, dude," Steve smiles at him as Mrs Henderson leaves the room to talk to Hopper one last time. Tews is curled up on the bed, purrs loud, almost melodic, and lulling Steve's thoughts into a calm. "If the giant flesh monster couldn't get us, no way some wrinkly old naked guy will."

Dustin laughs outrageously at that and Steve wants to coo, wants to cry, wants to grip Dustin tightly in his arms and hide him away from the world, hide them all away in this empty house and make it full, make it safe for them, for Max, for Robin.

He doesn't.

He eventually falls asleep to the sound of Dustin muttering under his breath. And when Steve sleeps, he dreams.

It's so cold around him, so dark and empty. The sky thunders red and the cries of so many monsters echo around him. But there, through the cold and the shadows and the monsters, there's the song, calling to him.

I'm here, he thinks as he trudges his way through the inky mass of thick liquid, not water, not blood, but enough of both to make his steps heavy. I'm coming.

The song curls up on his skin, on his bat bites, soft and sweet and cold, like that time Robin spilled ice cream all over the -

"Steve!"

Robin. Where's - where's Robin?

Shh, it's okay. She's fine. Everyone's fine. Keep going.

Oh, he thinks. Of course. Everyone's okay, he knows they are, right?

Steve pauses his next step.

Right?

The song is even lonelier now and he shakes off the questions clouding his mind. It croons to him, so happy as he makes it through the ink to the shore. It sounds so sweet, that's it, keep going, come on.

He's crawling at this point, body heavy with the weight, until the song lifts him up onto his knees and he looks up to see -

"Snap out of it!"

Steve gasps at the sting on his cheek, blinking when light hits his eyes fiercely, shapes and sounds moving around him from a distance. There's a buzzing coiling behind his ears.

"Steve?"

Dustin's terrified face finally comes into focus behind his mother, who is standing right in front of Steve with her arm stretched across the space between them. Steve blinks, "Hold on, did you just slap me?"

"I'm so sorry, Steve," Mrs Henderson says and just like Argyle, she seems to really mean it. Does she? Her outstretched hand rests on his forehead as the other grips his upper arm. His back aches. His torso burns. Where did the song go? "We were so scared, you weren't saying anything -"

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" Would never, of course not, just needed to keep going.

They both deny it vehemently. "Of course not! You were just - staring. Out the window. At -"

"At the pool," Steve hisses, biting his lip.

"Yeah," Dustin breathes out, his eyes watering as he reaches out to grab Steve's wrist. "But you're - you're back now. We just - just need to slap you out of it. What's another concussion, right?"

Steve laughs because Dustin's voice is so choked up that if he doesn't laugh, he'll cry. He ruffles the curls of his hair with a smile. A sinking feeling claws at him from the inside of his stomach. Can't he listen to the song one more time?

"Steve?"

"Yeah, I'm here, I'm -" Steve swallows as the blood in his veins prickles. Won't you hear me one more time? "I - I don't want to listen. I won't."

"Can you still hear it?!"

Please? It would make us so happy, Steve.

"I - no, no, I -"

"Steve?! Guys! Code red, code red, please!"

Please, Steve. Please?

"Okay," he says, eyes drooping as the melody curls up around his waist, brushing against the inside of his skin, pooling around his chest, thrumming in time with his heart beat. It feels so sweet, so good, thank you, come here, come here. "Okay."

"El, do something, please!"

The song turns harsh, gnawing on his bones, piercing through his skull, pushing him to the ground as someone is interrupting, no interruptions, leave us alone, alone, alone. The pain builds up crawling and clawing up  to his chest to his shoulders to his head, his head, it hurts, it hurts so much, please stop, just stop. "Fuck, fuck -"

"Steve?" Dustin whimpers and he aches, he aches, he aches.

He screams.

When he wakes up, it's to dawn creeping through the windows and rope around his body.

Red sunlight, just like in Mike's Superman comic books, covered by dark clouds.

A red sun to the blue moon. Right side up to the upside down. You to me.

"Whe -" Steve croaks, his eyes creaking open. Fuck, they're so crusty, that's gross. "Where?"

"Steve!"

Robin's face in front of his, beautiful and terrified. He squints up at her, glancing over to find Dustin and Lucas staring at him with wide eyes, Hopper behind them. They watch him and they nod. Others are coming in, Mrs Byers and Jonathan and Nancy -

Steve hisses as something claws through him for the fourth time that night, pain, pain, go away, go away -

"Shit, shit, shit, everyone get in position, -"

"Will, get over here, he's gonna -"

Come here, come on, please? Won't you come back?

"Where are you?" Steve murmurs as the pain turns into the music, gliding over him, like a wave coming to shore, pulling him back to the water, back to us.

"He's talking to the siren! Somebody get -"

Come here, come back, come to me. 

"Can't find you," he says, slurring his words as the song combs through his hair, like fingers scratching against his scalp. "Where're you?"

"That's it, Steve, keep talking, we got you -"

Want you here, with us, want us together, don't you?

"Yeah, yes, together," he sighs, the melody trilling in his chest, happy, sweet, soft, perfect, it'll be perfect, together, all together, just before someone reaches for his hand

He hisses and the song pulls away roughly, leaving him floating in the void, he cries out for it to come back, but he betrayed them, shouldn't have done that, Stevie, you tried to trick us -

"Shit!" Steve drops back to the bed with lead in his bones. El is still holding his hand. He was so close, the connection just barely at his fingertips.

Dustin swears as the others start to argue. The frustration is building up in the room, everyone too tense to think about answers, you sly dog, that was clever, but we don't like traitors -

"Wait, no," Steve gasps as something claws in his wounds, amused, you tried to trick me? Fine, no more playing around. "Fuck, wait -"

And the song crashes into the shore, pulls him down under where everything is sweet and cold, right back where you belong.

It's so warm out here, between the trees.

The skin on his back was blistering, biting at his flesh, before the song had gently cooled it down. He shivers at the chill, smiling when the song pulls him forward, looping around him with a sweet hum. It feels so nice, to hear the song without any distractions.

Without any interruptions.

Keep going.

Steve sighs when the song runs through his hair, laughing when it musses it all up. His hand twitches, he wants to fix it up until it's perfect again.

Keep going.

There are noises behind him, the sound of running and metal-on-flesh. It's all so slow, even slower than him. He doesn't know what's behind him, just the dark and gentle song pulling at his veins.

Keep going.

He makes it to the water, to the lake. There is no moonlight, but the song guides his steps, keeps him light. How sweet, he thinks, how sweet of you.

He makes it until his waist is plunged in the frigid water and then the song stops. He looks around but can't see anything in the shadows. There are sounds of humans yelling, of monstrous shrieks behind him, but where is the song?

"Hey."

He looks up and sees crimson eyes, half-lidded, and a smile staring down at him. Massive black wings blow gusts of wind at him. He shivers, and gives a smile in return.

His song.

The wings slow down until big, red eyes are level with his own, curls of black falling with gravity to brush against his cheek. The song hums in his chest, satisfied, delighted and sweet.

"Miss me, big boy?"

[vitaminseetarot]

PAC Pick a Palette: One Small Thing That Will Help You Grow ☕🌞💴

Welcome back to my pick a card readings! This time we're looking at the time between our New Moon sowing and our Full Moon flowering. At this stage of the magic making process, work has gone underway to build upon the seed that was germinated and growth happens. Soon it will reveal the peak of its work through the flower, but before then the stem and leaves also deserve attention. They're the ones helping to power the whole thing!

It's important, then, to look at what you're using and where you are in the process. Not everything is meant to grow at the same rate, but sometimes the right ingredients like plant food or pruning clippers can do an incredible job at providing a needed boost.

Pick one of these three color palette swatches to find out what you can add or remedy to assist the growth of your own magic!

(Forgive me if the spread out looks a bit funky this time, it's all about finding the part of the house with the best natural lighting!)

Pile 1: Coffee Beans

Draw: Four of Wands; Queen of Pentacles, Page of Wands, Death 18 - Communication, Aries Rising - Act, Heartsease - Compassion "Tread a little more tenderly."

You need more space to grow whatever it is you're creating. A bird can try to lay an egg without a nest, but it's never going to be easy. Building a sturdy nest increases the young's chance of survival. You should try considering the space in which you're using to create your project or desire: are you writing a novel in a cluttered room, or cooking a meal when you can't find half of your measuring cups and saucepans? Are you meditating in a place where it's difficult to tune out the background noise?

Four of Wands talks about creating the space for you to thrive like the corn in Queen of Pentacles. The Queen is able to cultivate her garden in peace and certainty that abundance is hers. You are meant to take what it is you're doing and allow it to grow, so the Queen is being quite literal here. But she wants you to do it from a place of joy and enthusiasm instead of dread.

The Page is fired up from drinking coffee and is ready to go. But you must be in a place of ease with yourself to do this. Your message is to act upon your growth, but do it from a gentle place and at a gentle pace. Do not try to over exert yourself when you do have the space to practice or create. Do not try, for example, to squeeze 45 minutes of exercise into 5 minutes, thinking that it's all the time you're allowed, so why not go overboard, amiright? This is the fast lane to killing what you're growing and your joy for it, pile 1, and what you're growing is still in a very delicate stage. You have time to work out the details, so don't rush this. Heartease was the first card to pop out and the only card to jump, so it's really emphasizing the need to be careful with how you spend your time and energy.

The Communication card is the only one that really stands out to me. Perhaps what you're developing has to do with communications. Writing a book, preparing a speech, blogging, interview, etc. but it could also have to do with growing your connections with other people through how you communicate. You could be rekindling an old friendship from school or meeting someone for coffee? In any case, Compassion is the keyword here. Be gentle and ready to listen more to feedback, while creating a safe space for your friend or colleague to communicate clearly with you. This is a meetup you'll want to act upon, but do so from a place of kindness.

Also for some reason, maybe it's because I heard the song recently while out, but Tom Petty's "Free Fallin" is in my head while typing your reading and only your reading. Argh, such an earworm! If this person you're meeting up with hurt your heart in some way way back in the past… yeah it's cool to be on the defensive, assert your boundaries. Heartease, however, still asks that you treat this situation with diplomacy.

Pile 2: Radiance

Draw: Eight of Wands; Queen of Pentacles, King of Swords, Knight of Pentacles 19 - Healing Grief, Pisces Rising - Dream, Wisteria - Longevity "Plan for and take the dedicated path."

You have some similarities to pile 1, so if you were interested in that pile I recommend checking it out for messages. For starters, you have Queen of Pentacles in the exact same space on your spread, so that tells me there's a lot of collective push for undertaking rapid growth at this time. The Queen does it from an appearance of near effortlessness, but it's not without considerable effort on her part. She's able to handle a lot with grace and consistency.

It seems like in your cards, pile 2, you're pretty solid when it comes to growing towards your goals. You've become used to trucking along without must reprieve, as if it's from one thing to another as smoothly as the train cars pass the railroad crossing. You're being asked to remember about the power of momentum, and about the little things that add up. Think of how a bird takes off. When it starts flapping, it flaps hard. Once it's high in the sky, it spreads out and soars with ease. It requires a lot of steady pushing, one flap at a time, but eventually when it takes off it gains more speed than ever.

Again like with pile 1, you have all the time you need to make your dreams grow and flourish. Just don't be surprised if this takes a rather long time to accomplish. The Queen of Pentacles is less interested in quantity or time efficiency as she is in quality. It's not that she isn't punctual, far from it, but she and the Knight know that the best fruits are ones that ripen when they're ready to. You're being encouraged to plan for the long term, with wise judgement as the King of Swords suggests, and to open yourself up to envisioning more brilliant avenues to fly through. Imagine what would make your heart soar, and grow that instead of something that you merely feel "obligated" to do. Great things can take time, but it'll be completely worth the wait.

Also, my sun catcher reflected a rainbow perfectly on the osprey in this Eight of Wands card, it's nice. There is a radiance that comes from taking time to grow something to how you want it to be, like the bird with its fish catching talents (it can pluck them right out of the water and fly around boasting its catch). Your skills will shine here, just be sure to care for yourself in the meantime.

Pile 3: Perfect Penny

Draw: Nine of Wands; II High Priestess, XIV Temperance, Seven of Wands 25 - Truth, Taurus Moon - Relax, Belladonna - Silence "Listen more and quiet be."

So this was an interesting spread because at first I couldn't tell if the message was to hold on or let go. Maybe that's your current dilemma when it comes to growth. And it's a valid one, cause it's a lot like the pruning stage. You have to decide which leaves are valuable to your health, and which leaves are dead and must be clipped away.

The penny is like… saving a wishing penny for a rainy day. You're on the defense with Nine of Wands. Do I use this penny now to accomplish this, you ask, or I should I save it for later when I might use it for something else? Nine of Wands is a lot of energy being deliberately held back for a reason, like an arrow ready to fire. It could be that you're maybe putting a little too much perfectionism into the idea. What you're growing has not yet been grounded into the material world, it's still a passion idea or a fire in your heart but you're holding it back. But Nine of Wands is also a Sagittarius card, doubly so since Sagittarius is the 9th sign. The requirement here for growth is pushing forward with optimism that your wish will not go to waste. There's an energy of perfectionism here especially as it took me exactly nine photos before I settled for this one. I finally decided it didn't have to be perfect, it just had to feel ok enough!

My first reaction was to say "trust your gut and you'll learn to balance the give and take," then High Priestess and Temperance came out together! Somewhere inside you already know what it is you would like to do with "the penny" of an idea you're casting into the wishing well. You don't have to overthink this. It's a matter of coming from a heart-centered place of Truth. Belladonna is showing you how to tap into your intuition: "listen more, silent be." Listen closely to what your heart is wishing to do. Balance this out with how others may perceive your goals or growth. There may be people who say something like, "you're going to use what you got on 'that'?" or "are you really sure that's what you want to do?"

It takes practice to choose from a place of intuitive open mindedness, but it will reward you in this case. You're being reminded to stay relaxed and steady about this. Making the next move doesn't have to come from a place of high pressure or unneeded stress, even if it's time sensitive. But by learning to listen to your intuition more, the part that tells you how to proceed from a place of optimism within reason, you'll be able to more quickly expand and grow upon what it is you're creating. With penny's copper corresponding to Venus as well as Taurus moon, it's suggested here that you could receive monetary or financial growth through this, as well.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[steddie-there]

Eddie has never been one for household chores, preferring to put them off until the last minute or just skip doing them entirely if he can get away with it. But helping Steve clean their rabbit's cage? That has quickly, surprisingly, become one of his favorite activities.

And of course it's because of Steve. Because every single Monday evening, Steve turns the light on in their bedroom and announces gravely, "The time has come, my friend," to the tiny black fluffball who has hopped up to the edge of the cage, curious. And, without fail, he stands with his hands on his hips for just a few moments, staring between that innocent little gaze and this week's carnage of hay and toys spread across the cage floor.

"Why do you have hay spread to kingdom come in here?" he asks Paul in such a disappointed tone that Eddie can't help but giggle.

"Because he's a bastard, you know that," Eddie tells him as he readies a trash bag and pulls on some gloves. He hands another pair to Steve.

Steve laughs. Takes the gloves. Coaxes Paul into the kennel attached to the hutch with a treat and closes the door. Drops another treat inside. "That's all you get today, you know," Steve warns the rabbit and Eddie thinks he deserves some credit for not laughing when they all know full well there will be at least one more before bed.

Steve sings as he sweeps the cage clean. Snippets of songs from the radio, snatches of Corroded Coffin's latest. Eddie sometimes sings along and sometimes just listens, listens and feels like he could make a home in Steve's voice.

And then he takes the trash out while Steve readies a new litter box. Comes back just in time to see Steve sitting by the cage, Paul flopped in his lap. Leans in the open doorway and watches.

Laughs when Steve sternly tells Paul, "Now, this time, let's not dump our hay box over again, okay?"

"You're such a dad," he teases and Steve rolls his eyes at him, but he's laughing, too. And Eddie's heart feels so full at that moment that he can't help but sit down next to Steve and lean his head on his shoulder as he reaches over to pet the tiny white mark on Paul's soft forehead.

"You're gonna be such a good parent someday. You know that, right, Stevie?" he whispers.

And Steve is quiet, not responding, and Eddie knows his eyes have filled with tears and he knows exactly why, knows Steve is thinking about his dreams of a family and his parents and how desperately he doesn't want to be like them, and so he just turns and softly kisses the tears away until they're gone. Presses a gentle kiss to Steve's forehead.

"C'mon, let's go be boring parents and watch dumb TV until we fall asleep," he tells Steve, gets a little laugh in return. They put Paul back in his cage, go cuddle on the couch. Enjoy being in their home, just them and the quiet noise from the TV and the sound of Paul hopping around his newly clean space.

Twenty minutes later, they hear the unmistakable sound of the hay box being turned over and Steve calls out, "Paul, what did I tell you?" so indignantly that Eddie just has to laugh and pull him closer and kiss that disgruntled look off his face until he settles in again, warm and heavy against Eddie's side.

Yeah, this is definitely his favorite chore.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

ao3: And Rabbit Makes Three

[tuxedo-rabbit]

Shadowheart's Curse: The info missing from the Selune Path

Spoilers Ahead! Don't read further if you are not finished with Shadowheart's Act 3 quest.

I just finished Shadowheart's act 3 quest and had some questions about her curse. The decision you're given at the end seems incredibly simple, despite how grave the characters act while discussing it. Then I read this reddit post.

Apparently the Selunite path is missing context about what exactly Shar's curse does. I'd love to bring this discussion to the tumblr side of fandom, so I've copied the relevant bits of discussion here. Feel free to read the full thread instead, but the Shadowheart bits are a small part of a larger discussion, so you will have to scroll to find things.

From reddit user That_Red_Moon:

"IMO SH suffers from having such a massive cross-road in her story in Act 2. They wanted to support the paths with basically the same amount of "space" expected comparable to others/ Ast, so lines and content and details are divided in such away that you would have to play a number of paths to get the full picture.

Like (Shar path) people think SH taking her Parents to the camp is the best choice because they think the Shar curse is just an annoying AF chronic ouchy and "you can handle chronic pain if it means your family lives". No, Shar Path SH reveals that the curse connects them to Shar. The pain was punishment for moments when she felt SH starting to lean towards Selune (Which explains why it goes off so often in the background in Act 3 when SH saves Night Song and why it's completely gone and replaced by POWER when she goes Shar path ... unless she turns on her and takes her parents), and Shar used the parents pain from the curse/ their refusal to turn from Selune regardless of the torture to convert into power.

It's confirmed that when Shar SH kills her parents they go to Shar to be exposed to eternal torment and pain to power SH as Shar's chosen ... they don't go to Selune regardless of being "2 of her most fanatic followers" (Which was why she targeted them). Turning her parents into Moon Motes on the Selune Path is the only path that unquestioningly frees the family from Shar in both life and death, as the curse is a connection to Shar that allows her to take them in the afterlife. Otherwise? You're hoping Selune does something in the future with no guarantee. "

Reddit user mr_Jyggalag:

"Do her parents get sent to Shar after death in each case, or just if they would be killed by Shadowheart as Shar's chosen?" 

Reddit user That_Red_Moon:

"I don't see why Shar SH would have the power to send her life long Selune worshiping parents souls to Shar's Side for eternal torment but Shar, with her 40yrs of curse on this family, wouldn't be able to collect their souls in death if they're still connected to her via the curse.

To me, it's simple. The Odd Man Out is the Selune SH Moon Mote path.

-Shar SH leaves with her parents. This doesn't break the connection to Shar, she is back to being tormented by Shar making Curse pain to fuck up her life.

-Shar SH kills her parents. Parents are sent to Shar for never ending torment and this pain is converted into power for SH. She has no curse pain, but curse is still there because it feeds her and connects her to Shar + Parents ... she just gets more and more power from her parent's never ending suffering without remembering who they are or what she did (YOU remember though ... ).

-Selune SH leaves with parents. They are all still cursed and dealing with Shar tormenting them with curse pain. Again, like the past 40 years, doesn't matter that the parents are "2 of Selune's most fanatic followers" who never turned their back on Selune ... they're all still connected to Shar through the curse.

-Selune SH kills parents to free them all from Shar's curse. The whole family is freed from Shar and Shar's' curse, Parents go to Selune's side as Moon Motes, no way for Shar to torment SH or parents as the curse is gone.

There are 2 paths where the parents die, and the only time they go to Selune is when they're freed of the curse. With the curse, the go to Shar as it was always her intent to torment these 2 endlessly to juice up her chosen (SH)"

Here's a link to a youtube video showing Dark Justicar Shadowheart killing her parents, in case you'd like to see what That_Red_Moon is talking about yourself.

This missing context, imo at least, would make the choice for a Selunite Shadowheart hit harder. It makes killing her family feel like it has as many benefits as sending them to camp. And as many drawbacks.

As is, it feels like the game tells you that turning Shadowheart's parents into moonmotes is a noble sacrifice but doesn't actually show me why the curse is bad enough to warrant their deaths.

[prettyinpikk]

What Cha' Gonna Do For Me

Part 2 of Ain't nobody. Part 1 here

Chaka Khan inspired fem!black reader x Sevika

I decided to make this a series with many different parts and a lot of tea to come 👀. I'm trying to feed y'all fr 🤭 but I hope you enjoy.♡

You enter for your next shift at the Last Drop going to the back to get ready quickly because you were already a bit late cause of your son Camron, not wanting to let you leave, having to put him to sleep while your sister watches him.

Going to the dressing room you put on your green matching set and touched up your hair and as you're walking out, you see the one and only Sevika herself kickin it with her poker friends with a cup of her favorite whiskey and a half lit blunt resting in-between her thick lips. From what you could see, she was in her element admiring her from where you stand. Your band mate had to remind you what you were really there for by calling your name to move your butt to the stage.

“Right, sorry I'm late. Baby boy wouldn't let me go.” Laughing it off as the band all dismissed it, knowing it's hard taking care of a kid by yourself.

“Alright, let's get this show started.”

At the sound of your voice being illuminated by the mic, Sevika looks up to the stage to see you getting into the song. At this point, she forgot about the card game she so easily could win. Instead, she's invested in the graceful voice that has taken up her senses. She couldn't stop staring at the gorgeous Black woman who danced and sang on the stage in front of her.

As you sang you take notice to Sevika’s staring so you take the advantage of the song changing and move to dance in the opened bar space, moving to dance towards her while singing, you realize damn near the whole bar was looking at you like you lost your last mind turing back to the stage you continue your show ending a bit early to let the band play for the rest of the night you walked over to her table and as you make you way over there everyone gave their attention to you, the group applauded for you as you thanked them shyly.

“Aww thank you. There's no need for that, really.” Smiling sweetly at them, you turn your full attention to her. “I was wondering if it was okay if I sat with you?”

Sevika takes this opportunity to really have a conversation with you without being interrupted, and she can finally ask you about that kid you’d mention. She then tells her poker friends to leave you two. “Have a sit doll face.”

“Doll face, that's new. I bet you call all the pretty ladies that, huh ya flirt.” Sending her a smirk of knowing.

“Well seeing that you are one of those pretty ladies, it seems so.”

Humming back a reply, you sit in a small silence, sensing that she wants to ask you something. “You look like you want to ask me something, so ask it.”

Sevika shifts in her seat before exhaling the smoke from her mouth. “So about that kid, how old are they?”

“Hmm straight into okay. Um, well, my boy Camron is 3, and he's turning 4 next month. How about you, got any kids?”

At this, Sevika barks out a laugh and shakes her head. “Hell no, you wouldn't catch me walking around with no brat.”

“Why they got to be a brat? What's wrong with kids away, I think they're cute.” You say with certainty, folding your arms over your chest, leaning forward on the table.

“Yeah well you just keep thinking that. They're just little pests that grow up to play loud music in the middle of the night while you try to sleep. That's what they are.”

“That sounds very specific. Are you beefin’ with a child, Sevika?” Laughing at her very serious and aggravated face.

“Beefin’ please, I despise the little maggot she's always over the place and has these mental breakdowns and expects me to fix them.” She huffed out already over it.

“Oooh let me guess, it's Jinx that you're talking about. Yeah, she's wild, but she's a sweet girl from the times I've talked to her.”

“Tch you don't know half of it.”

“Aw don't be too hard on her Vika. We used to be the same way when we were small she just trying to figure it out is all. Now give me them cards so I could kick yo ass in some spades. Oh, and don't act like I didn't see you staring at me while I was singing.” You say in a cocky tone with a smile on your face.

“Oh really now, don't go crying home when you lose love, and I was admiring the performer like everyone else.”

“Please lady I saw you looking into my soul, plus I had to go through all 7 of my uncles and my 3 of my aunties to get at least one win so I know you can't be that good because I can definitely hold my own in a game of spades.”

“Well that's not going to matter when I win. You want to put something on it?”

“HAHAAA hell no, that's my grocery money girl, you must be crazy.”

“Well it was worth a shot. So what does your kid dad do?” She asked, watching you shuffle the card deck.

You paused shuffling for a second, not expecting to go over those memories of Camron's dad again. “Don't know probably off somewhere with the broad he fucked.”

“Oh… I didn't mean to…-”

“No you're good, you were just curious and plus it was a while ago. Now back to this game don't get soft on me now.”

“Mhm you wish.”

“First one to win 5 rounds buys another one to drink.”

“Deal.”

[songhunter]

trans allegory in mystic fragrance and forbidden rain

aka: the essay no one asked for

Content warnings for: Discussions of homophobia and transphobia, and brief mentions of suicide.

If you guys have any other comments on this topic (especially KnightsPs, I'm an UNDEADP so I'm less familiar with their lore) please comment or rb or drop an ask or anything! I love talking. It's also been a hot minute (3 or 4 years) since I last took an English class so my analysis is a little rusty.

Part 1: UNDEAD's "Monster" and Queerness

Every UNDEAD song (with one exception) has the same premise — the singers are the impure, immoral monsters who are singing to a pure, human audience. There are two genres of UNDEAD song:

“I’m a monster seducing you into the darkness, give into your desires because I know that secretly you want it too” — Immoral World, Savage Love Affair, etc.

“I’m a monster and I’m so badass” — Darkness 4, Nightless World, etc.

Darkness 4 lyrics, translation by Shirayukin on Fandom wiki.

The “monster” in UNDEAD’s music is shorthand for anyone that exists outside of a pure society. By joining the monsters, you become tainted and can't return to society, but that’s the only way you can possibly live as your authentic self. In this way, the "darkness" is a safe space that these monsters have created for themselves.

This is, of course, a reference to Rei and how he feels ostracized from society -- the whole reason why Koga began UNDEAD was as a message to Rei that if Rei felt like a monster, he shouldn't roll over and die, but live with them as an undead. However, the concept of the queer monster is incredibly applicable imo. Historically, lots of villains in horror media were queer-coded as a way of eliciting disgust or a fear response, as a way of making its villain seem strange and, well, queer. (Oh, no! Look at all these horrible people ruining life for the law-abiding families!) The link between queerness and horror has been analyzed to death.

But queer people also love the misunderstood monster who's shunned by "proper" society. The gothic novels that originated the horror genre in the 1800s, like Dracula or the Picture of Dorian Grey, were written by queer authors and/or contained scores of queer themes. Do I need to go into why werewolves, shapeshifters who had to go deep into the woods to hide their wolf form, can be read as queer? Do I need to go into why Frankenstein, someone abandoned by his own creator and shunned by society by the nature of his existence alone (something out of his control), can be read as queer? Do I really need to go into why the modern-day vampire is queer? Vampires? Of course queer people will love these monsters, because they see themselves in the monsters, more so than the victims. (Also, nothing more in line with the queer experience than seeing a monster and going “ngl they're kinda hot actually.”)

In summary: It's very easy to read UNDEAD songs and UNDEAD's conceptualization of the "monster" through a queer lens. The monster is queer, and the monster welcomes you into the darkness and invites you to also give into your desire to live freely.

Immoral World lyrics, translation by Mandy on Fandom wiki.

Also, shout out the love you tried to hide, huh? Show me your truth? Show me your pride?

Dude.

Dude.

Sidenote: The one exception to this “monster” theme is of course the elephant in the room, Sustain Memories. I think it plays well into UNDEAD’s image — at least in !-era, Rei, Adonis, and Koga have always been the monsters, while Kaoru is the human that joined them (see: their Halloween costumes in !-era). So Kaoru doesn’t sing of monsters, he sings of a human love. There's also something to be said about Kaoru being the one member of UNDEAD who tried so desperately to appear cishet and experience a "normal" love in !-era. But also, it's a wedding song because the anime boys look cute when they sing about weddings.

Part 2: What about Forbidden Rain?

Here's the thing about UNDEAD's other monster songs -- they're always proud of being monsters. They're not ashamed, and they want the audience to join them in their freedom.

Forbidden Rain lyrics, translation by @/snaketaper on Twitter.

On the other hand, the singer in Forbidden Rain sees themselves as a "beast" who can never be forgiven, someone who's slowly poisoning their pure lover. They love them so much that they apparently have to let go of them, for their own sake. It's the first song that actually contains references to genuine love (usually UNDEAD is just horny).

The song remains sort of ambiguous about the nature of the relationship between the singer and the audience. It's clear that the audience does actually care for the singer, since they do reach out a "gentle hand" that the singer can't take. But the singer says, "Let's end this thing that never even began" -- are they even together in the first place? Maybe it never began because they were scared of the "beast." Or maybe it never truly began because the relationship was built on a lie. They sing about a beast inside them that they have to hide, and says that their current self -- the one they show to the audience -- is a fake. And this is something that cannot be forgiven.

It's not hard to read this in the context of queerness. Maybe it's about a gay singer who doesn't want to reveal their feelings and tarnish a platonic relationship. Or maybe it's a trans singer who's wracked with guilt at keeping their identity under wraps and hasn't come out to their heterosexual lover, so they want to break off things before they come out and taint their previous relationship.

In Love & Beast, the "source material" behind Forbidden Rain, Inogari (Adonis' character) is soft-spoken, protective, and kind. He saves the main police character in the very first scene. He's an ambassador and a respected enough member of society that he's part of the Sakurayama (Rei's character) social club. He uses "watashi," which is even more polite than Adonis' "ore." He literally faints at the sight of blood. He's the picture of innocence and goodness and all that society approves of. But in a Jekyll and Hyde-like twist, he ends up secretly being the killer Beast. In the end, the Beast is finally caught when Inogari realizes the truth and chains himself to a wall so he can be caught by the police in an act of sacrifice.

Inogari is the picture of propriety, but he keeps the Beast repressed, and eventually this Beast destroys him. Even if you try your best to act as part of proper society, you'll never really fit in.

Silent Oath lyrics, translation by royalquintet on Fandom wiki.

Another note: Forbidden Rain has a lot of the same themes of self-sacrifice, repression, and pure, romantic love that Knights songs do. Knights, in game, is a much more traditional idol unit than UNDEAD is. Forbidden Rain thus attempts to align itself more closely with the socially acceptable Knights, but it's still an UNDEAD song at its core. The monster is inescapable.

Part 3: Mystic Fragrance and Trans Allegory

This thread by @/pretty5P on twitter (https://x.com/pretty5p/status/1625958198623539200?s=46&t=lm_x5Uw5f8pKXHUoLzYksw) is a really cool analysis on the perfume symbolism in the song and how it relates to Arashi's gender identity (go read it!!), but if you don’t want to give Elon Musk ad revenue, the gist of it is this: Odette is her "masculine" initial impression, the impression others have of her, and the impression that fades most quickly. Odile is her lasting "feminine" self and the true self that remains when the top notes fade away.

Over the course of the song, the singer (Odette/Odile) grows more and more tainted, going from a pure white dress to a multicolored rainbow dress to a pitch black dress. The final perfume note is desire, the desire to live as themselves, the desire to be with the person they love.

Mystic Fragrance lyrics, translation by KYM2020 on Fandom wiki.

While the song does focus on a pure romantic love, just like Knight's songs, the symbolism of wanting to be Odile is far more similar to UNDEAD's monster. The idea of a "hidden desire" lying in wait beneath pure feelings is explored in almost every song, as is the symbolism of a dress that gets tainted by desire:

Savage Love Affair lyrics, translation by Nina on Fandom wiki.

And just like UNDEAD songs, the "tainting" of the pure is never presented as a bad thing. Note the references to the moon in both -- it's only in the dead of night, in a midnight ballroom, that one can "spread their wings" and reveal their true self. The darkness, the space of monsters, is a safe space, and in the light of the truth-seeking moon the singer of Mystic Fragrance says that their audience is beautiful.

In the original Swan Lake ballet, Odette is a beautiful woman who falls in love with Prince Siegfried. She's cursed to transform into a swan in the daytime, a curse that can only be broken if someone who has never sworn their love to anyone swears their love to her (in other words, someone untainted). Unfortunately, the evil sorcerer who cursed her turns his daughter into Odile, the black swan who looks identical to Odette, and Siegfried mistakenly confesses his love to her. Knowing that the curse can never be broken, Odette throws herself into the lake rather than live the rest of her life as a swan, and Siegfried joins her.

Mystic Fragrance isn't tragic, however.

Part 4: Living your truth

The endings of Forbidden Rain and Mystic Fragrance are where they differ. Both of their source endings are tragic — Inogari is unable to control the Beast and shackles himself to a wall, waiting to be arrested. Odette and Siegfried leap into a lake and drown themselves, because the only way they can be together is in death. Forbidden Rain ends with the singer holding their loved one close to them one last time in the rain before they leave.

But Arashi rejects her source material because she chooses to embrace the monster. She becomes Odile. She decides to live her truth, and as the top notes and heart notes fade away, all that lingers is her true self. That's why Mystic Fragrance has a happy ending.

There's a lot of symbolism in the Mystic Fragrance music video with respect to the person who loved Arashi during the war era and who killed themselves. She spreads her arms like the wings of an angel and sings in front of a setpiece that looks like the cenotaph. Her outfit contains anemones, symbols of a lost love and grief (and, coincidentally, the flower that Adonis in greek myth turned into when he died). Her greatest regret was that that person couldn't love themselves the way Arashi now tries to love herself. In this way, Mystic Fragrance is like a message to that person -- live your truth.

[alonetimelover]

Action! - part 4 - Social Media

Pairings: ex!Harry Styles x Director!Reader x Joseph Quinn

Warnings: swearing, drug mention (in harry's song)

Summary: A walk through aftermath of Harry and YN's break up, new woman, new man, some drama, new albums, lots of love.

ynupdates

part 1 part 2 part 3 series masterlist

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♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by hArrysbutterfly, stupdates and 4 716 others

ynupdates For the first time in months(!!!) we have an update! YN with Taylor Swift in YN's cabin. They're celebrating evermore release! | credit: florencepugh

ps. please don't jump to conclusions because you see a man next to yn, we don't know who he is, so let's not assume

view all 2 716

hArrysbutterfly finally! I was so worried about her! I understand she needs space after everything *cough* WB *cough* but it's so nice to see her being with people she loves

ynmymama i hope she's happy and staying healthy

ynsmybestie we know the man, at least UK fans know him

⤷ ynshands tell me!!!!

⤷ynsmybestie he's Joseph Quinn he played in Dickensian, Miserables or Catherine The Great (some BBC shows that UK folks know well) he's rumoured to be in stranger things also

taylors22 guys please tell me I'm not delusional and few songs are about yn and harry

⤷ynupdates i hear it too! I didn't want to make a post about it (because people are just cruel) but I hear it!

⤷ynsmybestie im not the biggest fan of taylor but im going to listen to this (tell me which songs, please)

⤷taylors22 well, the whole album is a masterpiece but! I think that gold rush, 'tis the damn season, tolerate it or (maybe) evermore are about yn and harry

⤷taylors22 those are just my assumptions after little deep down into harry and yn's update accounts. im not saying it's 100% about them, just to be clear

⤷ynsmybestie of course!! i've listened to a few and man... gold rush is about them 100% I mean, internet loves this guy

harryupdates so good to see her again!

harrysmylife i miss yn and harry so so much:(((

⤷ ynsmybestie well, sad to burst you bubnle but they weren't very happy together

⤷ harrysmylife and how do you know that??

⤷ ynsmybestie they (celebrityupdates) have a whole article about it, apparently someone close to yn and harry spilled the beans and said too much about our babies

⤷ hArrysbutterfly bestie!!! spill the tea please

⤷ ynsmybestie basically harry fell out of love, at the end only yn cared about their relationship and he didn't have the balls to end it earlier. all in all he moved on while still being in a relationship with yn

⤷ harrysupdates well, let's not believe everything that person said, we don't know if that was someone actually close to yn or harry. we need to accept their decision of ending the relationship. however it happened shouldn't be our concern.

——————————————————————————————

2021

yourinstagram

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by harryupdates, ynsmymama, joekeery, mayahawke, gatenm123, noahschnapp and 5 917 061 others

yourinstagram hi, hey, hello! we're halfway through the script of st4, so I thought ill give you guys some insight (i hope Duffer brothers won't sue me). it's not some insight, im literally giving you shirtless Joe Keery, please appreciate it.

ps. we are here without masks but we are staying safe. we're vaccinated and we're tested every day. please stay safe wherever you are in the world!

view all 11 927 comments

ynsmybestie Joe???? 🤤 you're spoiling as bestie!

⤷yourinstagram i try, i try

⤷ynsmybestie jskdbsjis OMFGSIS

joekeery you're making my DM's blow up

⤷yourinstagram sorry! i really am!

⤷mayahawke youre not, are you?

⤷ yourinstagram shhh!

noahschnapp BYLER 👨‍❤️‍👨

ynshands doing god's work, yn! thank you!

ynupdates Joe Quinn as the new character??? I love it. why no one talks about him?

⤷ yourinstagram im wondering the same

⤷ ynsmybestie we will talk about him, bestie. we will.

harrysmoustache posting at the same time as THE photos

⤷ ynshands what photos????

⤷ harrysmoustache harry and olivia w went to jeff's wedding together (hand in hand and all that!!)

⤷ynshands so after months of those secret photos its finally confirmed? jesus

⤷ harryskiwi yeah, they first were photographed like day or two after yn and harry's break up?? its been a while

⤷ harrysmoustache about six months, WILD (pun intended)

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ynupdates

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by harryupdates, ynsmymama and 9 617 others

ynupdates YN with Joseph Quinn out in Atlanta celebrating the end of shooting season 4 of Stranger Things. Joe Keery and his girlfriend were seen joining them.

view all 2 827 comments

ynsmybestie OMFG!!!! they look so good! 🤤

ynsmymama yn wearing Jo's jacket in those two pics? so cute

harryskiwi she looks so good! that silk dress?? damn, yn 🔥

ynshands sir? your hand? 😳 all those British, curly men falling for yn, i understand you

⤷ ynsmybestie also him feeding her? jesus...

hater55 moving on so quickly?

hater71 new guy again?

hater03 another one?

ynshands okay, why do y'all hate on her? moving on so quickly? a year after ending her last relationship is quickly? what was then Harry's doings with moving on days after breaking up? you people really love to hate on a woman just because she's happy with a new man

——————————————————————————————

2022

yourinstagram

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by florencepugh, tchalamet, annetwist, gemmastyles, taylorswift, harrystyles and 7 617 817 others

yourinstagram with this year coming to the end, small photo dump with my favourite moments from 2021. this year was the one when i had my saddest and happiest moments. i hope 2022 will be our year.

one - i think it was during the last week of shooting st4, im a simple girl - i see a beautiful sky, i take a photo

two - you guys know the masterpiece that dirty dancing is? we did it.

three - ❤

four - find yourself a man that reads your recomendations. seven husbands of evelyn hugo finished, mans search for meaning next

five - yes he does the cooking, yes he does the cleaning 🍕

six - ❤️

seven - florence's birthday!!!! can you see how gorgeous she looks?? my, my, my, im drooling 🤤

eight - R.I.P. Dom Pérignon

nine - ❤️

view all 761 996 comments

florencepugh my birthday one of the highlights of your year??? i love you so much, beautiful. see you at the party!

⤷yourinstagram see you, beauty!

tchalamet chérie! when you're happy, i'm happy

⤷yourinstagram stop flirting, Timothée

⤷tchalamet joe, give yn her phone

⤷yourinstagram who?

⤷tchalamet yn calls me timmy, joe. you gave yourself up, mate. give her the phone

⤷yourinstagram no. ❤️

⤷ynsmybestie they're the funniest

annetwist happy new year, darling! ❤️

⤷yourinstagram thank you, annie! the happiest for you

taylorswift can i write an album about you?

⤷yourinstagram i thought you already had one??🍂

⤷ynsmybestie bestie are you confirming evermore being about you????

gemmastyles we need to meet up, yn!

⤷yourinstagram text me the date and im all yours, babe

ynsmymama her still being close to anne and gemma? while having a whole new man? also harry lurking, we see you👀

ynsmysoulmate can we talk about how she started posting more about herself and her life after dumping Jeff's ass and getting new manager??? im so here for it. Ronnie Coleman im your number1 fan

⤷ ynsmymama so true! i feel like she really wants to share her happy memories with us and jeff didn't let her, Ronnie is like her bestie and let's her decide whatever she thinks is best for her

⤷ haarrysmoustache jeff was doing with yn what he does with harry, minimal social media + public spottings

⤷ harrysbtch buuut, harry said himself that he doesn't like social media and tries to avoid it as much as possible (he's now all over it with olivia but who am I to judge???)

⤷ ynsmymama oh, that might be it. yn said in one of her interviews that she didn't mind social media because she learnt how to deal with it (and that interview was in 2019, while still being managed by Jeff)

harrysbtch photos of Joseph???? recreating THE ICONIC scene from one of her favourite films?? she has her own jonny castle

⤷ ynsmysoulmate and he reads her recommendations? cooks and cleans? man, when i tell you i feel weak in the knees, im not lying. 🥵

⤷ynsmybestie she just needs joseph to dress up as him or danny zuko for halloween and she's probably done for 😭

taylor22 Dom Pérignon ???? champagne problems??

⤷ ynsmybestie if champagne problems is about yn and harry im dead 💔

harrysbtch also, harry are you sure you wanted to like this post???

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harrystyles

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by harryupdates, annetwist, oliviawilde, harrysmama, ynsmybestie and 8 817 716 others

harrystyles Harry's House. May 20th.

view all 187 666 comments

oliviawilde ❤️

harryupdates the king is back!

annetwist cannot wait, my boy! x

ynsmybestie okay, so how many songs about yn, hmm?

ynsmymama i hope you're not going to bring more drama between you and yn after this album is released

⤷harryskiwi imo id love for him to have a song about her. we only got a few in fine line

⤷ynsmymama maybe, i just dont want it to affect yn and joe

harrystyles ALSO my new song As It Was - out on April 1st, H

⤷haarrysmoustache the promotion! so true💀

⤷harryupdates harry, please make a post about it

⤷harrysheadphones well, it's few days later and he didn't, he really doesn't care 😭

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josephquinn

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by yourinstagram, joekeery, mayahawke, sadiesink, noahschnapp, milliebobbybrown, harrystyles, tchalamet and 2 716 615 others

josephquinn Stranger Things Season 4. Thank you for a warm welcome in this beautiful family. It's an absolute honor to join you. Season 4 on Netflix on May 27th. See you then.

view all 65 827 comments

yourinstagram look 👏 at 👏 you! what a dream. what a man.

⤷ josephquinn dream man?

⤷yourinstagram you're damn right

joekeery look at him, all dressed up. where's your denim vest?

⤷josephquinn give it back, robber

mayahawke im sorry, who did you play? i don't think i know you from set

⤷yourinstagram maya, eddie cut his hair

⤷mayahawke oh! right, those puppy eyes seem familiar

sadiesink 🎸

yourinstagram okay, guys. let's stop bullying joe. he's pouting on the couch

⤷ josephquinn i'm not pouting!

⤷ ynsmybestie well, yn's story is telling something different

ynupdates he's so fine

ynsmymama what a pretty man you are, mr quinn

ynshands can we talk about how they were constantly looking at each other while being on teh carpet??? the winks? smirks? they're so in love

⤷harryupdates im so anxious because we said the same about h

⤷ynshands well, let's not talk about him. joe's the man now

⤷ harryupdates well, he just liked this post...

⤷ ynshands WHAT?!

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twitter

yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 5h

okay, so... harry's house is out and i have some thoughts. im no youtuber so i didn't make a video (my phone has a broken camera, soo) but i cannot keep it to myself. i found some nice connections and im doing a thread of it here, enjoy babes (1)

10k comments 💬 67k shares 🔃 126k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 5h

music for a sushi restaurant: soo, yns hot enough to cook an egg on her, that's for sure. she loves bubblegum, especially blue! they were seen together numerous times at the sushi restaurants (2)

2k comments 💬 65k shares 🔃 125k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 5h

late night talking: yn said she broke her camera one awful day. harry posted a story of broken lenses and a box of chocolates (yns favourites!) also late night talking was yns caption to her IG story containing a screenshot from her facetime with harry (3)

2k comments 💬 65k shares 🔃 124,5k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 5h

grapejuice: so yn was so perfect for him, he said that in one of the interviews after releasing fine line. they spent a lot of time in Italy, drank wine, harry was seen buying yn flowers EVERY DAY, but now he just drinks wine - its all that is left. and he is NOT drinking dom perignon but the wine from 1982 which is the one yn was drinking with joe (her new year ig post) (4)

2,5k comments 💬 66k shares 🔃 125,8k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 4h

as it was: well, let's face it. it's not about yn. it's olivias song. that's it babes (maybe its a stunt song or whatever, dont know.) the promotion for this song says it all. he didnteven make a post about it, just a comment. (5)

3k comments 💬 62k shares 🔃 122k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 4h

daylight: so I don't think yn was doing cocaine but maybeee. i know for sure that bluebird is yn's favourite poem by charles bukowski (harrys fav writer). they were seen doing a race on bicycles. and there is a reference to adore you: ANTIDOTE that we know is about yn. its a love song, definitely. (6)

3,2k comments 💬 65,2k shares 🔃 124,9k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 4h

little freak: harry spilled beer on timothee during one of the little women cast parties, and definitely wasn't sorry (jealous son of a bitch). yn loves yoga, and has a body of a goddess! side note: i think its a beautiful song of what harry WANTS to think but definitely IS NOT doing (liking all her and Joe's pictures, stalking fanaccounts, and so on) and a statement that even though he's in a new relationship he still thinks of the old one, of yn :((( (7)

5,2k comments 💬 66,9k shares 🔃 126,2k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 4h

matilda: yn put that film on her 'ten films I cannot live without' list, saying it describes what she went through during her childhood (poor baby😞) and harry used her experience to write a song without telling her - he admitted that during his latest interview (8)

7,4k comments 💬 70,5k shares 🔃 136k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 3h

cinema: I mean???? you can argue all you want, but yn is THE director and olivia is actress/director. the song just suits yn better in my opinion. just pure filth is this song, pure filth. dirty man. (9)

11k comments 💬 61,9k shares 🔃 132,7k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 3h

daydreaming: there is no hard proof. yn apparently said 'baby, loving you is a real thing' during her speech at the oscars after party. (10)

1,8k comments 💬 58k shares 🔃 123k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 3h

keep driving: song about basically: should we still be together? connections? black and white film camera was harry's present for yn on their first anniversary. yellow sunglasses - yns iconic look in italy. the breakfast order - yns go to order while eating breakfast out of home. riot America- the attended multiple protests across america. kiss her and don't tells - they hid their relationship for months. choke her with a sea view - that one story from the yacht 🔥 (11)

16,5k comments 💬 65,9k shares 🔃 131,8k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 3h

satellite: song after the breakup. yns got a new life with joe. Hard to explain but it just a song about harry bothering yn while she's being - in harrys opinion - sAd in her relationship with joe, he's waiting for her move. i beg someone to do a BIG break down of this song, it's just a heartbreak anthem. (12)

8,6k comments 💬 66,8k shares 🔃 132,6k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 3h

boyfriends: what can I say? harrys just calling himself out. he was seen out at the pubs drunk. just a perfect song for saying 'hi, im the problem. its me, im the problem' (13)

3,2k comments 💬 61,5k shares 🔃 124,3k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

love of my life: jonny is one of yn's best friends from university, yn and harry spent a week in his house to get out of all the news that had been spread about them. he admits to not knowing yn enough - it was present in the interviews he did (not knowing her favourite films or composers) (14)

4,3k comments 💬 57k shares 🔃 130,3k likes❤️

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yn and joe r my parents @ianornotbabe 2h

didn't know it was going to blow up like it did. im glad you guys liked this piece of veery shallow breakdown. its a beautiful album, grammies are waiting for this man. and i hope we'll get some answers in the future. byeeee x

4,7k comments 💬 23k shares 🔃 109k likes❤️

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harrysbtch @iheartharryandyn

bestie, this thread is a masterpiece. all the connections you've made?? couldn't do it better

788 comments 💬 2,8k shares 🔃 15k likes❤️

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harryupdates @dailydoseofharryy

i really don't know what to think about this album. there's so many songs about yn. it's cool to see him putting it out, his thoughts and feelings. but also with yn being in a relationship and having these much written about her??? i don't know if i would feel comfortable

5,1k comments 💬 13kshares 🔃 37k likes❤️

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ynupdates @dailydoseofyn

@harryupdatess harry's an artist so it was predictable that he would wrote about the experience during and after his relationship with yn. i hope it won't disturb yn an joe's relationship, they look so happy together

345 comments 💬 4,3k shares 🔃 21k likes❤️

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joeandynfann @dailydoseofjoeandyn

and here we got yn and joe being unbothered queen and king, ignoring trending on twitter and being the cause of breaking IG and twitter for some time - yn's IG story

54k comments 💬 127k shares 🔃 316k likes❤️

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instagram

celebrityupdates and enews

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by harrysmoustache, oliviashat and 173 098 others

celebrityupdates Harry Styles (28) and Joseph Quinn (29) are YN YSN's (25) respectfully past and present boyfriend. From what we know the breakup was rather ugly but now? It doesn't seem like it. On the photos you can see Harry and Joe wearing the suits from Harry's newest Gucci line HA HA HA. Is that the promotion? Or it's just another stunt relationship in the industry? Or perhaps Harry Lambert (Styles' designer and friend, as well as YN's friend) found a way to promote the fashion line he's a part of? Read more in our newest article, link in our bio.

view all 81 018 comments

enews pinned! 'Harry in his latest interview let people know that one of his favourite books is Mans Search For Meaning by Victor E. Frankl. Book that YN was recommending to Joe Quinn.'

enews pinned! 'Joe Quinn played Eddie Munson in one of the Netflix hit shows, Stranger Things. In the last episode he was playing Master Of Puppets by Metallica. The said song was taught to him by Styles' friend and bandmate, Mitch Rowland. Our source said that it caused an argument between Harry, Mitch and YN. Harry apparently was furious that his friend was still in contact with his ex girlfriend and her new best friend (at that time YN and Joe weren't together yet).'

ynupdates the suits situation is messy. i can't imagine joseph being super excited about wearing his girlfriend ex's design. it's just weird...

⤷ harryupdates expecially that Joe was super happy about wearing Gucci, and the patch on Joe's sleeve doesn't have the HA HA HA logo. maybe it's just a similar design?

⤷thejoequinnupdates joe was wearing the suit before the clothes from HA HA HA collection were being sent to their ambassadors. imo it's an early lambert's design for HA HA HA. and because yn is his friend as well he did the suit for Joe. then Harry used it for the HA HA HA. promo at its best. HA HA HA is trending and the online store has no products available. Harry played it well.

⤷ ynupdates if that's true then i feel sorry for yn, really sorry. her ex is using her current boyfriend for promo which is sick and twisted. man just move on.

ynshands we thought harry moved on while still being in a relationship with yn but we were wrong. that bitch is still in love with her...

⤷ ynsmybestie can you blame him?

⤷ ynshands bestie, im so in love with her that it's unhealthy, something close to what harry's doing tbh 💀

hArrysbtch hes a simp 😭 woah

user618 those celebrities will do anything for fame smh

user917 that's ... toxic

——————————————————————————————

text messages between YN and Harry Lambert

hrr lmbrt

hiii! i have some new suits for you and joe to try before your new movie premiere. when are you two free??

yn🐐

when did you plan to tell me you're going to dress him in the same thing as joe?

hrr lmbrt

it's not exactly the same suit, yn. joe had the cotton one and harry had a cotton+silk one. the print is also different.

yn🐐

people on the internet don't know that, lamby. they are sure joe is somehow connected to your new clothing line. they're making a lot off buzz around it.

hrry lmbrt

yn, you know how it works...

yn🐐

was he the one to propose it or was it jeff?

hrr lmbrt

i don't know, babe. got the information from above.

yn🐐

don't bullshit me, harry. you said you want to stay friends despite all the things that happened between him and I. act like a friend then, please.

hrr lmbrt

jeff's idea but harry wasn't really opposed to it

but please don't do anything you'll regret.

yn🐐

i already lost one relationship because of him. I'm not going to lose another one. I won't let him destroy my happiness again. I truly care about joe, lamby

hrr lmbrt

maybe go a little easy on harry. he's not doing well.

yn🐐

it was nice catching up, lamby. if the suits aren't or won't be part of that collections then we're free on friday.

——————————————————————————————

text messages between YN and Jeff

yn ysn

next time you plan to get under my skin use me or my name, stay away from people I love, Jeff. your way of promoting him is getting out of hand.

jeffrey

hello yn, nice hearing from you. I see you saw the suit Harry was wearing. such a nice piece of clothing, wasn't it?

yn ysn

this is the last time you're hearing from me jeff. next time it's going to be Ronnie and eventually my lawyers. your ways are too invasive for my liking. you used my name and my relationship for years, i think that's enough. stay away from Joseph, he has nothing to do with you or him.

jeffrey

I don't understand why are you so dramatic about it? it's just a suit. it's not like only we got benefit from it. your and your boy's things got promotion as well.

yn ysn

it's not just a suit. you control him well, we both know that. you can prevent him from doing what he's doing. it's unhealthy.

also, i don't need promotion like that, never did. you just think that ploting behind people's backs is the best solution. it's not.

goodbye, Jeff. like I said next time you're invading my or my partner's life you'll hear from our lawyers.

jeffrey

can't wait, yn.

——————————————————————————————

text messages between YN and Joe

yn🫀

hi, baby. i contacted lamby and jeffrey. i hope it will do the job, if not Ronnie is ready to contact them himself.

joe🎸

hello, lovie. how are you feeling?

yn🫀

to be completely honest? bad. i hate confronting people but they crossed the line. they could use my name all they want but they decided to use you and you have nothing to do with it, nothing.

joe🎸

well, im your boyfriend, that's probably enough.

yn🫀

it shouldn't be, we talked about it.

at least lamby said it was jeff's idea, just like i had thought.

enough of that, where are you coming home? i made pasta

joe🎸

im like 15 minutes away, lovie. i love you and see you soon, we'll talk about it more after the nice bath, what do you think, hmm?

yn🫀

i love you! im getting the bath bombs ready 🛀

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yourinstagram

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by josephquinn, tchalmet, florencepugh, harrystyles, taylorswift, ronniecoleman and 18 917 716 others

yourinstagram it was an honour to direct and star in a film like 'bones and all' is. it was also a challenge, I never thought I would take, and here i am in the film with one of the best actor out here. thank you to our whole team working on this film. thank you tchalamet, my best friend. thank you josephquinn, my love for all the tips and support and love and patience. see you in theatres, i'll be there 🦴

ps. don't ask me the colour of anything

view all 471 819 comments

tchalamet the best director and the best actress out there! what you did with and in this film is extraordinary, yn! you are the true artist. it's an honour working with you. ❤️

⤷ yourinstagram you're making me cry, timmy 🤧

florencepugh ACTRESS AND DIRECTOR many tried, just a few succeeded. yourinstagram did. such a beautiful film, such a beautiful performance by timmy and yn. love you both so so so much 💗

yourinstagram, tchalemet and 176 918 others liked this comment

josephquinn that's my girlfriend! and her sidekick ☠️

⤷ ynshands how is joe so effortlessly funny?

⤷ ynsmybestie right? jealous but funny and hot 🔥

taylorswift i already bought tickets. so proud of you all!

annetwist ❤️

ynupdates yn acting????? im so confused. i bet its a masterpiece if she had so much do do with this film

hArrysbtch timothee's shade on harry, olivia and all of that? he's fucking the best

ynsmybestie timothee finally got to kiss yn, he must be delighted

tchalemet and 41 716 others liked this comment

⤷ ynshands he's so happy 😭

⤷ joemyman joe is probably fuming 💀

⤷ harrysmoustache im sorry, WHAT?

⤷ ynsmybestie check twitter, its all over it. someone videoed a scene during the first screening of the film. they are kissing kissing 👅

harryupdates congratulations you two! its going to be oscar worthy for sure

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yourinstagram

♥️ 💬 ➤

liked by josephquinn, tchalamet, taylorswift, florencepugh, sadiesink, annetwist and 20 172 617 others

yourinstagram three years of knowing you. one year of loving you. thank you for being with me in my lowest and my highest moments. you are my person. ❤️

view all 716 929 comments

josephquinn thank you for loving me, sweetness. i love you.

florencepugh shootout to the best couple i know

tchalamet the most beautiful couple out there

taylorswift i am writing a song about you two, there's no way

annetwist happy anniversary! ❤️

sadiesink it really is your year, eddie - i mean joseph 🎸

ynupdates sleeping on a highway tonight, thanks a lot

joemyman what a sweet, sweet couple. happy anniversary!

ynshands you beauties

harrysmoustache well, harry didn't like this one

⤷ harryupdates he did but unliked it after a few minutes

hArrysbtch i love love love

[luvring]

Listen… you said we could ask for more hcs pt.2…………………….

RAAAAAAAAAAH

Ais? PLS? YOUR WRITIJG IS SO GOOD I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME

AIS HCS (2)

gn!reader | (part 1) anon you GET ME! BUAAAAHHH AND OMGG THANK U... that's so crazy actually i hope u guys think about me today i will b thinking about all of u😙🫶🧡 YIPPEE!

so stupid /affectionate. takes photos of you and says "now a silly one." or starts taking selfies without telling you

will do cheesy romantic things with you because you ask. he can tease you all he wants, and he wonders how he's found himself swaying to a song with you in the kitchen,, but then you hold him a little tighter and he's like ah. that's why

tells you to be careful with his horns. not in a they're sensitive way but in a please do not get in a position where he could poke your eye out way. rest your chin in between them if you want though

asks you to pay for lunch. when it's actually time to pay he's like "what the hell are they doing over there?" so he can pay first. you guys fight to pay semi-regularly. You are the people who made me want to scream and cry when i worked retail.

do his make-up. i dare you. what. you don't want to stand in between his legs with his hands on your hips while you try to do eyeliner Be serious. he'll be your test subject for new looks

or let him do your make-up. you can match w some red eyeliner :)

doesn't do any little video trends with you without being a little annoying/difficult but he Will do them and do them extremely well in the end. everyone's jealous of your relationship

if you're having trouble sleeping and try to not move around a lot in case you wake ais up,, it's too late. bro is awake. he sighs and nuzzles into you before being like,, "if you can't sleep, you can wake me up you know." or "how long were you going to go before waking me up?"

^ late night snack runs.. he'll stay up as long as you do. hanging out in a mcdonalds parking lot at 2am eating chicken nuggets who gets me

pulls your head to lay on his shoulder if he sees you getting sleepy. rests his head on top of yours

silently comes and lies down with you if he's in a bad mood. you don't have to talk or really do anything, just being around you helps him feel better. he won't complain if you coddle him a little though :) you offer to get him some snacks or cuddle him and he smiles against your skin. "i'm starting to think you have a crush on me or something." you roll your eyes and flick his forehead but he just lets out a breathy laugh. "yes please."

cannot fucking play horror games/movies around this guy like why are YOU jumpscaring me Where is my safe space. he relishes in you clinging onto him / holding you from behind, but he also respects you scaring him back if you're more immune to horror

don't start a prank war with this guy because that shit isn't ending. he excels in annoyingly inconvenient pranks Don't Do It.

tells you about the dogs(/animals) he saw while out during the day. modern au he sends you pics either wordlessly or guessing their names. "meet nacho cheese" "why would u say that" "that's obviously his name? have some respect"

ohh. people watching...this sounds silly. but like i'm thinking about how he doesn't like being lonely/isolated but Is and how he has to watch others enjoy themselves and stuff. so you hanging out together and talking and guessing random people's life stories is just like. a casual thing but reminds him He Has Somebody to do that with now

why'd i say that

you know how he was in the rafters at the beginning. yeah he's asking if you wanna join him up there. you're like You do that Regularly? not just trying to intimidate me? and he's like 🤷‍♂️ it's comfortable enough.

promises he won't let you fall and keeps a steady hold. See? it isn't so bad.

modern au tattoo artist ais who gets me. anyone. anybody. helloooo? guys please i'm gonna pee my pants

🏷 | @lost-lonnie @screaming-wea-sel @dreamtydraw @respitable @semifilms @hexcoeur

[ragnarozzys]

tumblr user ragnarozzy you have to answer me seriously. what are the classpects of the gang from always sunny in philadelphia, in your opinion

oh boy. WE'VE BEEN DISCUSSING THIS AS WELL so ok. you can get my thoughts on classpects and as a bonus, also the blood colors i think each of the gang would be if they were trolls.

charlie (bronze): bard of space mac (jade): maid of heart dennis (indigo): prince of mind dee (indigo): knight of doom frank (purple): heir of rage

charlie is the lowblood of the gang and that's why the rest of them would feel like he's automatically assigned to "charlie work". he's a bronze so he can commune and handle animals like rats, cats, and birds. bards are known to be the WILD CARD in a session which charlie firmly is!! he can make or break a session like the way he handles the bar. he keeps the space around him small (being difficult to get out of philly or shrinking the space of his apartment into a studio by blocking off rooms) and while generally laidback, he has shown a routine and a resistance to change. bonus, he’s also creatively inclined (various songs, the musical, sewing, etc).

mac is a jade since a lot of their character arcs can revolve around repression (which mac has Plenty of). purple was also considered for his religious fanaticism but mac wouldn't be that high on the hemospectrum imo. mac is pretty solidly a heart player to me. he is obsessed with his own identity and sense of self. as a maid, he lets others dictate that for him whether its his dad, dennis, the gang, etc. is he the religious guy, the big guy, the gay guy, the ireland episodes also touch a lot on this. he feels every emotion strongly. very heart player.

dennis and dee had a privileged upbringing and think themselves better than others bc of it, considering themselves part of the noble elite (despite having little to no real influence). they're indigo for sure and as twins, should be the same caste.

dennis immediately is a prince of mind to me. he ghosts heart because his decisions to manipulate people and mess with their heads is powered by his own emotional motivations and self (largely for his ego). he insists on standing out, strongly believes that his sense of logic and reason is above all others, and is not afraid to cut down other people in calculating ways to believe he's right.

dee is kind of a hard one to pin down but we settled around on knight of doom. knights tend to be insecure with themselves and hide it with confidence and an obsessive effort to make themself more useful. dee is not a stranger to doom and negativity and moreso, has weaponized it for her benefit, even introducing doom to others like cricket or the guy who called her his "rock bottom".

frank, as the one with the most power and pull in the group using his business status and money while also being insanely unpredictable, is a purpleblood. dude is all rage aspect to me, he embodies anger and fear. he's stubborn, skeptical, quick tempered, easily paranoid at the drop of a hat and manipulates others with his own fearmongering and falsities.

I HOPE THIS WAS A SERIOUS ENOUGH ANSWER this is something that i've been pondering about with my friends since like 2022