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ramblingsmlb · 2 years

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The Awe-Inspiring Potential of the Baltimore Orioles (And how the front office can mess it up)

As the 2022 season winded down to a close, the annual clinching of postseason berth time began. The Dodgers, who went to win 111 games, the most since the Mariners won a record 116 games in 2001, clinched on September 12th. Next, the Houston Astros clinched on September 16th, and the New York Mets clinched the postseason on September 20th. These, of course, were not shocking. The Dodgers, Astros, and Mets ranked 2nd, 9th, and 1st in overall payroll.

And on September 30th, with the Mariners clinching postseason berth and ending a 21 year playoff drought, the Baltimore Orioles were eliminated. No one expected the Orioles to get this far, the Orioles, whose payroll ranked 28th out of 30 MLB teams, a third of which was going to Chris Davis, who was being paid to not play as a result of one of the worst contracts in the modern era, in what was the best division in baseball.

No one expected this Orioles team to be competitive, but now they've forced the front office's hand in the matter. This team's young talent that comes up in the next two years is unparalleled, after picking 11th, 1st, 2nd, 5th, and 1st again in the Draft the last five years, the Orioles have the ability to build a true juggernaut in the next couple of years.

However, as much as I'd like to have the Orioles succeed, I do have concerns, concerns that link up to the very top of the organization.

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MLB LEVEL

On the major league roster, the Orioles have managed to unlock some key players that they project to keep for a while. Austin Hays, Ryan Mountcastle, Cedric Mullins, Anthony Santander, Ramon Urias, and impressive developments in the bullpen all give me hope for the team's development at the major league level.

None of the pieces mentioned are excellent players. The best is probably Cedric Mullins, and none of these players are stars, but they're all average to above-average players that came into the season with little to no real expectations, and showed that they can be serious contributors to this team.

In the outfield, it seems to be held up by Anthony Santander, Cedric Mullins, and Austin Hays. Santander has had a couple good offensive years now, hitting 33 HRs in 2022 with a 120 wRC+. Santander has an average hit tool, and isn't a great athlete or defender, but his bat gives him enough power to be a significant contributor, and he doesn't strike out much.

Austin Hays is boring, but good. Hays is about average with everything, hit tool, power, arm, speed, and field, but he's a solid contributor in the league's weakest position of left field.

I don't know what Cedric Mullins is. I think it's pretty clear he's a very good player. Plus speed, plus glove give him a very high floor, and he's proven that he can buoy that with at least average offensive prowess, but is there more there? Mullins was a 136 wRC+ and 6 fWAR player in 2021, with plus power and a plus hit tool. In 2022, the power and the hit tool regressed back to a 106 wRC+, though he still posted a 3.4 fWAR. In all likelihood, Mullins will never have a season like 2021 again. That being said, can he be a consistent 4 WAR player and his offense becomes more 110-120 wRC+ rather than 95-105 wRC+? We'll see. I don't have a confident opinion in favor of one side or another.

In the infield, the starters project to be Ryan Mountcastle at first base, Adam Frazier at second base, Jorge Mateo at shortstop, Gunnar Henderson at third base, and Adley Rutschman at catcher.

I really like Ryan Mountcastle. Another player who seemingly came out of nowhere, Mountcastle was a pretty good offensive player who was negatively impacted by the wall getting moved back in left field. Mountcastle projects to be an average to above average offensive performer, and about an average first baseman.

Adam Frazier is a decent player, a slap hitter with average defense, average run tool, and no power. Frazier hit .309 with a 113 wRC+ on 2021 split between the Pirates and the Padres, but struggled with a 81 wRC+ in 2022 with the Mariners. I do expect Frazier to bounce back from his dismal 2022 season, I don't expect much offensively, maybe 95-105 wRC+, but not amazing potential or upside. He's solid, that's it.

Jorge Mateo is a weird shortstop. Defensively, he's nasty, and his speed and base running is top notch, but he doesn't have a bat. Mateo's career high in wRC+ is 83, he strikes out 26-30% of the time, and doesn't walk. He'll have bursts of power, but he strikes out and struggles to make contact too much to the point when he's unable to maintain hot streaks. Mateo is a stopgap until the Orioles find someone better at the very least. I would personally be shocked if he started 2023 with the Orioles, and I would be pleased if he wasn't starting after the Trade Deadline because they traded for a better shortstop.

I'll save Gunnar Henderson for the farm system overview, so I'll move on to Adley Rutschman. The common pattern with the Orioles is that there's a lot of average players, offensively and pitching-wise, but that ends with Adley Rutschman, who is a top three catcher as of this moment. Personally, I do think that Adley Rutschman was a better prospect than Julio Rodriguez coming into 2022, and he lived up to expectations for me. Gold Glove caliber defense behind the dish with a plus arm, his defensive value is immense. Offensively, the ceiling is MVP-level. A certified 60-65 hit tool, plus power, and incredibly impressive plate discipline for a rookie, with a 13.8% walk rate that ranked 11th of all major leaguers, an 18.3% strikeout rate that's 4% below league average, his wRC+ finishing at 133. Adley Rutschman is a top thirty player in the league, and if he taps into his plus power more, that's a certified 6+ WAR player and a perennial MVP candidate. This is the guy. This is the kind of guy you build around. This is a star.

Offense (20-80 Scale): 53

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On the pitching side, there is genuine concern. Kyle Gibson, a 35 year old pitcher coming off a bad year, is their ace. I do think Gibson isn't bad, but he's a #4. Beyond that, it's Kyle Bradish, who's a #5, Dean Kramer, who's a #5, Tyler Wells shouldn't be in the rotation, and then there's two wild cards in DL Hall and Grayson Rodriguez, who I strongly believe they should both start 2023 in the rotation. Grayson Rodriguez does not need conditioning in Triple A. He has nothing to prove in Triple A. DL Hall has nothing to prove in Triple A. Both are Top 100 Prospects who you need to build the weakest part of your team around.

Rotation (20-80 Scale): 44

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The bullpen is actually surprisingly good. I like Felix Bautista, I like Dillon Tate, I like Cionel Perez, I like Bryan Baker. We'll see with Mychel Givens. I'm more middle of the pack with the other guys who start in the bullpen, but they developed those four in 2023 and made them the focal point of the bullpen, which is typically a very healthy sign for an organization. If you can find and develop bullpen players one year, you can typically do it again.

Bullpen (20-80 Scale): 54

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THE FARM SYSTEM:

As of right now, the Orioles have a consensus top three farm system in the game, with, at least I believe, eight top 100 prospects: Gunnar Henderson, Grayson Rodriguez, Jackson Holliday, Colten Cowser, Jordan Westburg, DL Hall, Coby Mayo, and Heston Kjerstead.

Gunnar Henderson is the one player I didn't mention on the 2023 opening day roster, their projected third baseman. Gunnar Henderson, in my opinion, is my #1 prospect in MLB. A certified plus hit tool, plus power, plus speed, plus arm, and plus defense, I view Gunnar Henderson about as good of a prospect as Bobby Witt Jr. was entering 2022, maybe a touch worse, who I saw as the #3 prospect in 2022. Henderson flashes incredible athleticism and shocking speed for a guy who's getting 45-50 grades from public platforms. Henderson also flashed a top notch arm and raw defensive potential at three positions. While he's a plus third baseman, could he be an adequate shortstop, or an adequate second baseman? We'll see about that, but he has a decent chance of either of those working out. The ceiling with him is a bona fide star, and maybe there's a five tool player. Again, with Rutschman and Rodriguez, these are all star-level players you build around.

Grayson Rodriguez would have an excellent argument for #1 prospect in baseball if he hadn't gotten an oblique injury that wiped out three months from his 2022. Grayson Rodriguez has gotten legitimate comps to the likes of Gerrit Cole, with four pitches at least plus. His fastball projects as plus to double plus, his slider plus to double plus, his changeup plus to double plus, his curveball as plus, with premium command you simply don't find with this kind of stuff. To put it simply, Grayson Rodriguez is a raw, generational pitching talent, who's proved it at every level. There's zero reason to keep him in Triple A to begin the year with the Orioles' mediocre rotation pieces. Grayson Rodriguez has the ability to establish himself as a top pitcher in the league if given the choice by his team.

Jackson Holliday was the most recent #1 pick in the draft, a high school shortstop with incredible helium and upside, with strong bloodline connections to All-Star and borderline Hall of Famer Matt Holliday. Holliday's tools are hard to quantify at this point, but there's massive upside that comes with the fact that he likely won't make an impact at the major league level for at least three years.

Colton Cowser is a former top college performer, a real offensive force who's rocketed through the minors since his Drafting in 2021, reaching Triple A in 2022. Cowser was initially a hit-over-power outfielder with good tools across the board who turned into more of a power-over-hit guy in 2022, striking out 25% of the time, but hitting 19 HRs in 138 games. Overall, a very good prospect who probably moves to left or right field, where he projects to be average to above average defensively.

Jordan Westburg is a strong offensive performer with a low-ceiling, high floor projection. I view Westburg as a budget Gunnar Henderson, a certified infielder who splits time evenly between second base, third base, and shortstop. Westburg projects to be a solid offensive contributors, but doesn't scream "impact." Westburg flashed plus power and spent significant time at Triple A, which he succeeded in, though his hit tool may be squarely average.

DL Hall is an intriguing prospect, a small lefty arm with big stuff, whose ceiling projects as a strong #3, while his floor is a high-leverage reliever. DL Hall is a fairly divisive prospect who some label as a potential middle of the rotation starter, while others say that he's a multi inning or high-leverage reliever. I don't lean either way, but he pitched 13.2 innings in 2022, with a big fastball, big curveball, and intriguing changeup. His 5.93 ERA is contested by a 1.65 FIP, a 2.57 xERA, a 2.84 xFIP, a 29.7% K rate, and a 46.2% GB rate, though those numbers are from a small sample size where he pitched out of the bullpen most of the time. There is command concerns (5.1 BB/9 in the minors, 9.7% BB rate at majors), and injury concern, given how he's never pitched over 100 innings in a major league season, but if he's healthy, there's no reason not to start DL Hall in the rotation to the begin the year.

Coby Mayo is a high upside, low floor third base prospect who got people excited when he mashed in 2021 after getting drafted. While Mayo has big power and a big arm, the athleticism is below average, which may force him to first base in the future if it continues to trend downhill. Coby Mayo has maxed out at Double A, meaning I would personally be surprised if he made significant impact to the Orioles in 2022, also given that the Orioles have quite a lot of third base depth with Ramon Urias, Gunnar Henderson, and Jordan Westburg all in front of Mayo on the depth chart.

Heston Kjerstead is an intriguing outfield prospect. Selected #2 underslot in the 2020 draft, Kjerstead was projected to be a big power, high upside outfielder that would rush to the majors. However, Heston Kjerstead didn't play in 2020 due to the shortened COVID season, and suffering from myocarditis, a heart inflammation issue, he didn't begin playing until June 2022, and the Orioles want to take it slow with him, ease him back into earning back valuable development time. Kjerstead mashed in Single A, but struggled in a 43 game stint in High A, all of which shouldn't be taken too seriously. Kjerstead is at least a year and a half from the majors on the low end, and all now is being used for is regaining the time he lost.

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FARM SUMMARY:

To be frank, I believe this is the best farm system in the league, with an incredible mix of high-end talent, upper minors talent, outfielder, infielder, lefties, righties, and pitching talent.

When it comes to development, I'll admit it, I'm truly impressed. The Orioles' strategy of going under slot in the draft has certainly paid off. While the Orioles have had their success with their first round talents, Gunnar Henderson, Jordan Westburg, and Coby Mayo are all prime examples of talent they've properly developed outside of the first round. The Orioles have the best position player prospect, and the best pitching prospect in the league, which, to be honest, is all they really need if the front office is open to augmenting the roster with major free agency upgrades, but the depth just provides more floor and more ceiling at the same time.

However, management of this depth and their prospects is where I could possibly see a disconnect between me and the front office. I project that Gunnar Henderson, DL Hall, Grayson Rodriguez, Colton Cowser, and Jordan Westburg will make impact at the major league level, unless any of them deal with significant injury. As of right now, though, I would start Henderson at third base, and start both DL Hall and Grayson Rodriguez in the rotation, while giving Cowser and Westburg just a touch more developmental time in Triple A before getting called up in May or June. That being said, I'm not sure either DL Hall or Grayson Rodriguez start on the roster to being 2022, which would make me furious.

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HOW THEY CAN FAIL:

This is as good of a foundation as you can draw up, to put it simply. It's a better foundation than the Mariners had after 2021. The Orioles have a star at the major league level right now in Rutschman. The Orioles have literally no payroll on the books. The Orioles have waves set up to impact the majors right now. Now is the time to be aggressive, to start your guys, Hall and Rodriguez, in the rotation. Why not? This is your window! You have four pieces I consider significant enough to keep at their respective positions, Rutchsman (Catcher), Mullins (Center Field), Santander (Right Field), and Henderson (Third Base), with Cowser ready to supplant Hays in left field if necessary, and Westburg ready to man any of second base, third base, or shortstop.

These are your guys. This is your basis. This is what you rely on. This a perfect storm that can begin the creation of a true powerhouse. You have every tool at your disposal.

However, I'm deeply disturbed by a couple aspects of this plan. First, why haven't you tried to signed Rutschman to an extension? Now is the perfect time to do it. There's not concern about whether he'll succeed or not. He will. Where's the downside with a Rutschman extension?

Secondly, why are you playing passive in free agency? You have the second lowest payroll in baseball, only ahead of the pit of depression and endless famine that is the Oakland Athletics, and you've spent $140M+ in payroll in the past, which means that you're more than capable of spending $170M+ in payroll now. I don't want $170M in payroll in 2023. That would be rash. That being said, just raise it past $100M. Why weren't you aggressive with Carlos Rodon? Why weren't you aggressive with Chris Bassitt? Jose Quintana? Taijuan Walker? Jameson Taillon? Crying cheap isn't getting you any sympathy here.

Am I supposed to believe that you're satisfied with your rotation being a #4, three #5s, and a guy who shouldn't be pitching in a major league rotation in Tyler Wells? What are you really doing with an Adam Frazier signing? Why are you radio silent in the trade market? There's plenty of second base options on the trade market. Kolten Wong was available. Jorge Polanco is likely available. Both are better than Frazier, who got the same deal as Rich Hill, which would've been a significantly better signing than Frazier.

Why weren't you invested in the shortstop market more? Am I really supposed to believe that you were priced out of Dansby Swanson, a 2-3 WAR better option than Jorge Mateo? Hell, why not Jacob deGrom or Justin Verlander? It's aggressive, but you have more than enough payroll space where that doesn't hurt you. Am I supposed to believe that your spending ability has DECREASED since 2018?

To put it bluntly, I love this Orioles team's future. I like the players who're at the major league level. I like their general development, from fringe starters to top prospects to relievers. That being said, I hate how this team is crying cheap, and how they're playing this incredibly passive. In my opinion, this shows that this front office isn't committed to winning in 2023. They're trying to see if this team's good before spending on it. That's the wrong way to go about it. You have your team. You have your system. You know your strengths, you know your weaknesses, and your weakness is clearly lying in offensive impact and the starting rotation. You do not need another average player in Adam Frazier. You need a guy who'll give you a 120 wRC+, or a #3's production in the rotation.

That being said, is the offseason over? No. Can they do more? Of course. Do I expect them to? "I'm not sure" is the unfortunate answer. I think this team has a wonderful foundation, but we'll see whether the front office wants that to blossom in 2023 or not.

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survivor-north-sea · 2 years

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episode nine: "I’m just a turkey, gobble gobble" - Jayjay

Trinica

not me crying over a vote LOL I swore i wouldn't get emotional over a game. But like I feel awful about leaving Jinx out of this vote. Toni came to me worried about Jinx and like, I've been worried too (mostly that she'll get too close to Raffy) but mostly frustrated that Jinx always argues every vote we decide on in pink venom. But Toni was like ADAMANT that we can't trust Jinx, and still is, which is confusing because they voted the way we thought they would!!!

Idk idk idk this just sucks. I wanted pink venom to go all the way, I wish it could have. I wish we had stuck together because this just feels awful and I don't know where to go from here. I thought I was cut out to be a villain but I'm not!!

Jayjay

Well that tribal was absolutely insane. Now all I have that I know I can really rely on is Champ. We’re hoping to band together with others like Esteban, Tyler, Bethany, and Arvin to have the numbers and I’m sure they would feel the same considering they were basically all screwed over by Raffy and other members on Hidra. I thought for sure it was me tonight, but thankful it wasn’t. I’m still in shock at how Jinx came out throwing my name out there to everyone as well as Raffy when I wasn’t much of a threat in this game. However, this tribal council has showed me and hopefully others who everyone really is and how they want to play. I will not play a silent game anymore. They want to vote me out, I’m gonna make sure it’s for a valid reason and show them I am a force to be reckoned with. All I know is that they chose the wrong side and they’re gonna regret it.

Tyler Frazier

So like 2 hours ago I was miserable and hated my spot within the game…right now? I don’t feel to bad about it. My main alliance ended up sort of in the middle of the game so we can choose between Jayjay Champ and Arvin and the non men group with Raffy kinda just there. This could be an awful read and we will see when we go to next tribal but I’m just trying to be optimistic

Well fuck me I guess. Lmao I can't believe a quarter of our tribe voted for me. Knew it knew it knew it. But yeah I feel like some things have shifted and we can't let anyone know they've shifted. So those are my thoughts rn, hoping no one feels betrayed, I know Jinx will and I'm actually sorry I didn't tell her my plan she was just causing such a scramble with everyone trying to do everything to make her happy this vote. It's a little crazy, but I love her and I hope she has no hard feelings.

Bethany

i am never joining a non-men’s alliance again

This morning has not gone how I thought it would be going. It started off with me wondering who all voted me. I think it was Hairie, Arvin, and JayJay. I asked Champ if she voted me just in case, I honestly don't know where whomever voted Hairie with us got his name from which is a little bit of an issue. I do think it was Champ who voted with us though.

Trinica

Oof okay, I'm in a slightly better space having taken the night off from game-ing. But I woke up still feeling super frustrated by the stuff Jinx was saying to me last night. They're acting as if we targeted them, or Raffy (who they talk about needing to protect from past experiences but...nobody is actively targeting Raffy and he's also an Adult). We just attempted to split the vote without telling her because she would have stopped us (and in fact did twice earlier that day) when we tried to discuss it. We were an hour away from tribal with no vote settled on and it was maybe 15 mins before tribal that I came up with Hairie. There was literally no time to have a long conversation with Jinx in which all she would say is "I'm not voting Raffy" even when nobody was suggesting she would.

Tyler Frazier

So some info I learned last night -Toni really wants to work with me (slay! glad it is mutual) -JayJay also wants to work with me now! (Feels out of necessity but at least people finally want to work with me outside of the 2-3 people I’ve had the whole time) -Jinx was upset ab the vote (whatever you wanted Raffy to stay and he did) -Oh yeah speaking of that! Jinx really wanted Raffy to stay (interesting…) -Bethany accidentally ratted out the Hairie plan not knowing Jinx didn’t know (ya know that’s sorta not her fault they were the ones who made it so confusing) -Jinx wants me out bc I’m a white man (meh I will live. Already knew they didn’t wanna work with me now I know why) - Hairie had an idol and didn’t play it for some reason when he knew that either he or one of his closest allies were being voted out (I’m cool with it) ALSO I WILL CRY IF AJ GOT HER ADVANTAGE FROM THE FEAST BC LIKE THAT MEANS MORE THAN ONE PERSON COULD HAVE AN EXTRA VOTE AND I HATE IDOLS AND ADVANTAGES

Ok on a more light note. Now that it's after the morning, I can see how it's just a very high emotion sort of tribal. Not excusing ppl, but yeah. Also I think I'll give some fun positive things about people to cheer myself up and say smth nice.

Jinx: unafraid to speak her mind and be chaotic. We love that sort of energy in general.

JayJay: we've never talked but I think if things were different she'd have been cool to work with

Champ: has great hair. 10/10 when I see it I get envious. Super peppy and fun to talk to!

Arvin: ball of sunshine. Can't really say bad things about him, he's super helpful and friendly.

Raffy: unapologetic and we appreciate that energy here.

Tyler: also a twin, vibes are great, seems super fun and I wish we talked more.

Esteban: honestly just such a great person to talk to, love chatting with him it's so much fun

Bethany: she's a queen what else can I say. we stan

Toni: honestly just super honest and a kind genuine person, great vibes and so helpful/supportive

Trinica: my ride or die, if I don't win I want her to, one of the coolest people I know

Arvin Bentonon

I'm sitting out the challenge again, now because of a disadvantage. Huhu

Jayjay

I miss Hairie and wish he was still in the game. I like Raffy as a person, and i have nothing against AJ or Jinx. I felt so offended last night and felt like an idiot for placing trust in people where I guess I should have been more cautious. With so many people coming to me right after tribal saying Hairie basically planned for me to be the vote was just insane to me and made me feel so betrayed considering he was my number one person. However after taking time off and thinking about everything I do still think and would love to believe that he did have my back 100% till the end and I feel terrible for thinking the opposite. I didn’t feel like I could trust anyone at all. But it’s a new day now and I’m feeling a lot better mentally and physically. However it’s been pretty lonely without him around to talk to. I miss you Hairie and I’m sorry for ever doubting you and your trust even though it was for a second, it just didn’t feel right! 😢 I’ll make sure to write confessions on a clear leveled head on not based off of rampant emotions.

Toni

Theme: Self-Care

The greatest act of self-care to me is showing up as your authentic self. The last tribal was a really emotionally charged one. Having taking some time to reflect I have definitely gained perspective but also have a lot of decisions to make. I’m at a crossroads where my only confirmed ally 100% is Trinica. We’re trying to decide between working with jinx and Raffy / Aj / champ, Jay Jay and Tyler / Esteban, Tyler, Bethany. All of those groups believe we have an alliance with them in some way.

One things I’ve managed to clear up during this time is that I’m going to continue to show up as my authentic self because whether is game smart or not my true nature is coming through and I’m most proud of that.

P.S. Jay was born to moderate the way they deescalated the last few days with authority, care and clarity has been inspiring.

Signing off heard and held. ❤️

Trinica

I've had a long talk with Jinx last night and today and think we're in a place we might be able to move forward working together. Same with Raffy today. I'm worried because my strategy this far has been to be super friendly to everyone, let others put names out first, etc. But I think people are going to see through the middle of the road stuff and realize I'm pulling a lot of strings behind the scenes. So far only 1 person seems to think I'm a threat (and it's probably AJ lol) according to the tribe survey thing. But I think that could very well change.

I also don't want to lie to people anymore because it's exhausting 😭 but if I'm friendly with everyone I'm inevitably going to have to lie.

I have a strong chance at winning immunity. Praying I win. Judging by how votes are going I really hope I'm not even on the table.

Raffy

I was left out of the vote last time and I feel some type of way about it. So, I am in my protecting my peace era. If people want to talk to me, then they can approach me. I don't care enough to approach people. If that gets me voted out, oh well. I had a good run. Genuinely don't think I'm gonna win so instead I will just be Viking and having a good time.

The challenge was fun. Was very relaxed.

Trinica and I talked some strategy. We brought up the possibility of Toni being tight with Esteban, Tyler, and Bethany. We both said we wanted Esteban out next. Toni doesn't give me trustworthy vibes. She will do what suits her and what's best for her. Good for her.

AJ talked to me a little. They seem good.

Honestly, I just want Esteban out and am just gonna hope people do as well. I'm vibing.

Trinica won and I'm leaving. Goodbye.

Tyler Frazier

So Trinica won immunity and that’s cool. Wasn’t gonna target them. So that’s slay! I’m not really sure what I’m gonna try and make happen ag this tribal bc Esteban Bethany and I have two options. Champ and JayJay or the Hidra 4. Either way we would like to bring Toni in with us bc she feels she is on the outs so it’s more the Hidra 3. I’m just not sure if it’s too early to take out Jinx or not but when that conclusion is reached you should get an update 🙃. Hopefully I’m safe I’ve been pretty under the radar and the only people who have reasons to vote me out are Raffy who is more focused on Esteban and Jinx and from my understanding people don’t like Jinxs reasoning for targeting me so I’m not worried ab that one too much

Trinica

I WON IMMUNITY!!!!!!! I didn't need it, but it's always nice to have.

AJ and I talked for like 2 hours to figure out our longterm strategy. I got her to come around off of voting Raffy and onto voting Esteban. It's a risky move for sure, but I really want Raffy to trust me and that is the way to do it. Right now we've bonded through being betrayed by Esteban in some sense. Toni doesn't want him gone, but has said she'll go with the numbers. I'm going to try to convince her tomorrow that the potential of a Bethany/Tyler/Esteban alliance is dangerous and that she doesn't have Esteban in her pocket as much as she thinks.

Jinx will vote with me and Raffy and AJ. Arvin is a wild card but it'll just be getting to him first. And that'll give us numbers, but to maintain the bridge with Bethany, I'm going to see if there's any universe in which she votes Esteban out. And if there isn't, well, that tells us she's more loyal to that alliance than to Pink Venom.

Tyler Frazier

Actually I lied apparently the Nons men alliance is dead so…yeah there’s that

Esteban

Last tribal was so intense. Raffy called me out being a snake and i m unfortunately just respond to it intensely. Sorry thats me, i don’t like confrontations but when called out i do respond.

The self- scavenger hunt challenge is pretty cool and much needed. I was able to complete it all but unfortunately couldn’t be there for the tiebreaker as i am really sick. I am happy trinica won!

Today, i’ve heard that Raffy is campaigning really hard against me and that makes sense. I respect it. My vote is for him anyways regardless of the outcome (or it might change depending on the talks)

I hope this tribal will be an easy and peaceful one!

Wiggity, cheetos!

Jayjay

Of course there’s already 2 names being thrown out there for tribal tonight. I’m not surprised that they would be Esteban or Raffy. I’m gonna Vite tonight with what I think would help my personal game and I think the obvious vote tonight would be for Raffy considering he’s a bigger threat then Esteban is in the social game and in challenges. We also know he doesn’t have an immunity idol so I feel now would be the best time to make that move. However tribals are never really that simple so I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what kind of chaos will happen when it does! 🫣

Tyler Frazier

Okay so MY plan for tonight bc I’m sure there’s like 8000 is to use Raffy as the decoy name and then blindside Jinx with Jayjay Bethany Champ Arvin Esteban and myself. Raffy is kinda just on an island of his own at this point and after last tribal he doesn’t have an idol (to my knowledge) so like what’s the point? Obvi I think he’s a threat to my game but as long as esteban is here I know that’ll be his priority whereas Jinx is much more dangerous for me specifically

Raffy

I’m still sitting here hoping Esteban gets voted out but now Toni (because of course it’s Toni 🙄) has decided to get cold feet once again. Now she’s trying to get the votes on JayJay or Arvin. Honestly just vote me out at this point. No reason to stay here if no one is a) willing to talk to me and b) hear me out and listen to me.

Jayjay

I really can’t help but laugh at this point… kind of excited to see how tribal is gonna go down tonight even if it’s me who gets voted out… this game is just making people go wild at this point. I’m just a turkey, gobble gobble.

Tyler Frazier

So Raffy just played the alliance revealer thing on Esteban and I think Esteban handled it pretty well…then Jay called him out in his lie which wasn’t great but ya know the damage is done. Hopefully it doesn’t ruin the 6 we just formed bc Jayjay did get sussed out by it.

Champagne

Honestly trying to catch up, I haven’t been super active and I’m really trying to stay under the radar. Nobody views me as a threat so my strategy going forward is to stay on everyone’s good side and keep talking to everyone.

Arvin Bentonon

Right now, I don't know who to trust

Jinx

i’m a gemini rising and it’s showing this round!

Bethany

honestly like way too much is going on still and i'm very much In The Middle and i don't like it!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone is going to be upset with me no matter how i vote this tribal and i'm sad becuase i don't like making people upset.

on one side, we have the efforts to revive pink venom, but they want to vote jayjay or champ and that's just not happening for me personally. but like the only name i would agree to in that group would be raffy and that seems like a death wish to try and push that in that group ever again.

"strong 6" was made today of me, tyler, champ, jayjay, arvin, and esteban which i am solidly vibing with but they want to vote jinx and i can't really push against that but i don't want to write jinx's name down

and then toni kind of wants to votes raffy i think but idk about anyone else from pink venom

raffy is clearly targeting esteban so like that's no shock. but i don't understand who he thinks is voting with him? just jinx? maybe aj? i'm not sure.

kind of just want to throw my vote on raffy because i don't think that aj/toni/trinica/jinx/raffy will all vote together and even if they did, it would be 5-5-1 and i can just play dumb or whatever aksdjfalksjf i just don't want to write jinx's name down but maybe i just will have to and apologize to everyone later i really don't know i'm not having fun everyone seems unenthusiastic at this point and like this is more of a chore than something fun which i completely get but it's killing my vibe too

Trinica

Another exhausting tribal day! It's not just managing your alliance, it's also managing your fake alliances and making sure those chats don't go dormant for too long.

I tried to reignite pink venom, but it fizzled. We've lost Bethany to the dark side, which I suspected would happen. If she would only have said she'd vote Esteban, she'd be able to stay another day. But alas!

The tricky part about tonight's vote is Arvin. I keep telling everyone he's a solid vote, but he's so scared of AJ at this point that he might just flip. If I were him, I would flip. He has a better shot with Champ and JayJay. But I told him Bethany suggested him as a vote tonight, so hopefully that pulls him with us. I had to tell him Bethany also suggested AJ and that's why I trust AJ to vote with us this time. He took half an hour to respond to me, which could be Classic Arvin Response Times OR could be that he's running everything I say to him past the girls. That would suck. But worst case scenario, we have Toni's extra vote, which will put us at a tie.

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sadghostdyke · 2 years

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sad and uncomfortable about the ctommy finale so hey do yall want to hear about what i think we should do for the mariners this offseason? no? well you're getting it anyways

so we've got a few major holes right now in our lineup. we've got an outfielder (mitch haniger) in free agency, we've got an outfielder who sucks at defense and frankly should be moved to a DH position and possibly be traded at the deadline if he doesn't have a bounceback year (jesse winker), and we've got a second baseman in free agency (adam frazier). what's a team to do!

now more talented and knowledgeable people than I have opined on this subject relentlessly, but i don't like to be quiet so you're going to hear from me on this one too. here's what i think the mariners should do. obligatory disclaimer that i don't know shit about what the fuck a payroll cap is other than we have one, so. that's not coming into consideration

1. THE OUTFIELD

there have been a number of proposals suggested by others, but i'm going to focus on what i think is a good idea. first, we sign brandon nimmo. he's an outfielder, he's a left handed back, he's got improved OBP, all things we're looking for. i'd love to have him, he's perfect. we've plugged one hole in the outfield.

now for the other hole. there are two options here. first, we could re-sign mitch haniger. i love mitch (We're Going To End This Fucking Drought letter my beloved) and i would love to have him back. most of his issues are due to the fact that he's unnaturally prone to freak accidents, and at SOME point he's got to have an injury free year, right? right?

the other option is masataka yoshida, a left-fielder from japan's baseball league. the mariners are well known for having signed famous players who came from the npb (ICHIRO MY BELOVED), it wouldn't be out of the question to sign another one. yoshida is a two time batting champ, and he would go far in plugging the hole we've got in that left field.

if we don't plug that other hole... well then i'd say we probably do a situation where taylor trammell, maybe kyle lewis if he comes back?, and sam haggerty take turns in that section of the field.

no we are probably not getting aaron judge. still. a girl can dream.

2. THE INFIELD

here's where things get tricky. people go ohhhh should jp crawford be moved to second baseman? should the new person signed play shortstop? here's my thoughts: i do not give a single shit. if jp plays second base, i will be happy and cheer. if he plays shortstop, i will ALSO be happy and cheer. i am a very cheery boy.

there are a lot of shortstops and second basemen entering the field. i was always lukewarm on adam (kate, if you're reading this, im so sorry. i cheered at captain slapdick i promise) and i honestly don't think we should re-sign him. there are lots of other options we've got entering free agency. most people are focusing on four Big ones: carlos correa, dansby swanson, trea turner, and xander bogaerts.

gonna say no to correa. i don't like cheaters (for those who do not know baseball, correa was part of the '17 cheating astros, and i have hated him ever since). i would DEARLY love turner or swanson or bogaerts. however lots and lots of teams want them, so that's yknow. a bit of a wild card situation.

i'd also really like to get jose iglesias. he's slipped under the radar a little bit in comparison to others, but he had a .297 season, so that'd be amazing.

uh. that;s my mariners dreams for this offseason. lets go ms

#fae.txt #mariners #baseball

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kitnita · 2 years

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mariners: Does a straw have one hole or two? 🤔

#mariners #baseball #seattle mariners #jp crawford #logan gilbert #cal raleigh #george kirby #chris flexen #ty france #julio rodriguez #julio rodríguez #matt festa #ryan borucki #alskdjhfg and i can't figure out the last two dudes #i think one is adam frazier??#and ryan borucki is the other???#but i am Not confident enough to tag lmaooo #@ sm admin: name label all of them for me please #EDIT: ty @ compass-rose-tinted for the names!!

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deathbecomesnerds · 3 years

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“Baby’s First Trick’r’Treat” -- Raymond/Astrid

Just some lovely fluff! Happy Halloween everybody!

Ray was adamant about doing nothing outside of the house for Enniss’ first Halloween against Astrid’s insistence.

“He won’t even remember, Star! We’ll wait until next year—when he’s older. And walking!” Ray insisted, and Astrid begrudgingly concurred.

So, on the following Halloween, Astrid bought the whole family costumes and decorated the house, as well as bribed Frazier to stay at the house to hand out candy to the fellow Trick’or’Treaters. It was all planned out and Ray was absolutely horrified.

“You’re not serious that I wear that, are you?” Ray asked as he sat in his office while Astrid presented the costume to him.

Astrid smirked “Baby’s First Trick r Treating, Raymond. You promised!” She furrowed her brow.

He did. Ray knew he did. But now he couldn’t back out otherwise, Astrid would beat him with an inch of his life. Halloween was her holiday, and she wasn’t going to let even Raymond Smith himself ruin it for her.

“Alright,” he said with a sigh, standing up from his seat and reaching out for the costume.

Astrid smiled and danced to herself before leaving the office, Ray grumbled as he looked down at the costume--trying to remind himself that he didn’t have to be the hardass he was all the time.

‘This is so fucking ridiculous!’ He thought to himself as he looked over the Lumberjack costume he had been forced to wear. The faux axe was resting on the dresser as Ray slicked his hair back for the hundredth time when Astrid finally emerged from the bathroom with her simple tree outfit.

She was hot. Though the costume wasn’t meant to be sexy, Ray couldn’t help but want to water that tree but she was too enthralled with getting everybody ready, and her itinerary so that way Enniss could be in bed by a reasonable hour that even if he offered a quick poke, the only poke he would be getting was one in the eye.

“What?” Astrid asked, adjusting her hair that had strategically placed leaves in it.

Ray smiled “Nothing.”

Astrid smiled back at him “You look so handsome,” she said, walking up to him and stroked his hair back “All the mommies won’t be able to keep their eyes off you,” she teased before biting her lip.

“Sometimes, I think you like showing me off.” he told her.

Astrid nodded “You would be correct. I want the neighborhood to know that I have the hottest dad on the block.” she said, her smile softening.

Ray kissed her, trying hard not to smear her make-up before pulling away to look at her in all of her beauty “You are one very fuckable tree.” he told her.

She snorted, playfully hitting Ray before blushing “I’m gonna go get Enniss ready, and then...Trick’R’Treating!” she said gleefully before walking out of their bedroom.

Enniss was out like a light, passing out in his Woodland Creature costume that Ray and Astrid agreed he was ‘absolutely adorable’ in. Ray put him down quickly in his bed before going back downstairs as Astrid dropped the bounty of candy onto the dining table and giggled to herself as she grabbed a Mars Bar and ripped the packaging open.

“Hey!” Ray growled before approaching Astrid, who giggled as she turned to face him while taking a bite of her treat.

Ray chuckled, reaching behind her and grabbed a KitKat, gracefully opening the packaging to break off a piece and shove it in his mouth. The parents were quiet as they munched on the candy before Ray smirked and leaned in to kiss Astrid.

“You’re such a good Mummy…” he told her “Getting everybody all dressed up, running all over town for candy...he had so much fun.” he told her.

Astrid nodded and smiled “He did!” she said “I’m so glad he did. As did you…” she smirked.

Ray smiled at her, eating the other part of his KitKat while they stared each other down; Ray slowly leaned in and kissed her lips, stroking her face as he did before finally pulling away from her. He wanted to. She wanted to as well. But there was something blocking them when Ray finally huffed.

“I’m fucking exhausted!” he admitted.

Astrid laughed “Me too. But I have an idea.”

“Oh?” Ray asked as he rested his forehead against hers.

Astrid nodded “Uh-huh.”

“Which is?”

She smiled softly “Why don’t we get in our pajamas,”

“Yeah,”

“...and open that new bottle of Scotch.”

“Uh-huh.”

“And watch Taskmaster.” Astrid offered.

“I fucking love you!” he said before kissing her passionately.

Astrid laughed as Ray pulled away, grabbing another KitKat and hurried upstairs to change out of his costume. Mrs. Smith followed behind, picking up the articles of clothing as she went along and walked in just in time to see Ray begin his night routine as he stood in his boxers. It was a good night--and Astrid was glad that Ray took it all in stride, but she was now more excited to just sit in her pajamas downstairs with a glass of Scotch and laugh at 5 comedians making arses out of themselves.

#the gentlemen #Raymond smith #Charlie hunnam #Astrid x Raymond

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revlyncox · 3 years

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Always Becoming

The changing of the seasons reminds us of the seasons and cycles of life. We are always becoming who we are. This was written by Rev. Lyn Cox for the Spring Festival at the Washington Ethical Society (4/18/2021) and references the story of Demeter and Persephone.

We are always becoming who we are. Two weeks ago, I spoke a little about what that means for us on a community level. And community is an important part of identity. As Kenyan-born philosopher John Mbiti wrote in African Religions and Philosophy (1975) with respect to the concept of Ubuntu: “I am because we are, and since we are, therefore I am.” We are always becoming, partly because the communities of which we are a part are always becoming.

Today, I’m going to talk a little about some of the experiences that move our process of becoming in new directions. These might be things that we think of as individual experiences, yet I think they are also communal, and I think the line between individual and communal might be fuzzier than some of us were led to believe. The experiences we’ll talk a little about today are things like grief, longing, rage, curiosity, hope, and love. We will keep exploring those things our whole lives, and I’ll need to be relatively brief today, because we want to make sure to have time to celebrate life with a Baby Naming ceremony after the regular Platform.

Grieving feels especially relevant today. In the WES community, we’re grieving for some of our members, and we are particularly heartbroken for our beloveds who have lost a loved one recently due to trauma. Nationally, we’re still reeling from the anti-Asian violence that claimed eight lives in Atlanta, and then that grief was compounded by the tone of the trial of Derek Chauvin and our renewed grief for George Floyd, and then that grief was compounded by the deaths of 20-year-old Daunte Wright and 13-year-old Adam Toledo at the hands of police, and then our grief was compounded again by the deaths of eight people at a FedEx facility in Indianapolis, four of them members of the Sikh faith. The grief can be overwhelming, especially for those among us who see a reflection of close friends or family or selves in those who have died.

Grief is part of what makes us who we are. By sharing that experience of grief in community, we can bear witness to the people and the hopes that have been lost. There are some who think grief needs to be hidden, that it’s unseemly to be so human in public. Yet when the losses are so profound, how else can we honor life except to cry out.

At the Revolutionary Love online conference this weekend, grief has been a big theme. Micky ScottBey Jones and Rabbi Sharon Brous had a conversation on Thursday on just this topic, and it’s been a continuing thread on some of the other panels I’ve been able to catch. Micky ScottBey Jones spoke about grief for her mother who died of COVID and grief over mass violence and grief over what’s been lost due to health disparities and racist systems, she said, “Grief opens up our imagination and bolsters our courage.”

I think what she was saying is that when we feel and express our mourning together, the seeming impossibility of continuing with life becomes possibility. Maybe not right away. Shock and numbness might come first. But, together, we have a collective capacity that transforms us, that makes it possible to gather the energy to return to life.

Rabbi Sharon Brous responded that “public grief is an act of rebellion against the world as it is, because we are not willing to forget.” Brous noted that there are deep roots in her Jewish faith drawn from collective experiences of trauma, grief, truth-telling, and adaptation. From the transformation of Judaism from a Temple-focused culture to a diaspora culture, to survival through various pogroms, Brous remembered that there is grief woven into everything, but that doesn’t stop the existence of life and joy.

Jones went on to observe that we cycle through mourning, lamentation, truth-telling, and rebuilding. All of those things are part of the continuance of life, the re-imagining of life. We learn and we teach truth in the process of public grief. We figure out together what happens next in adapting and rebuilding because of how we form and strengthen relationships in the process of public grief.

Grief is part of who we are, it is part of our process of becoming. Grief is not all of who we are in the long run, though it might feel like our whole world in some moments. This is something that we might overlook about the story of Demeter and Persephone. Demeter’s public grief and rage, and the way her mourning brings the entire economy of her mythological world to a halt, feels true. A story where life eventually goes on -- radically different from what had come before, but it goes on -- that feels true. Persephone being called to comfort and lead the souls of the underworld, but not knowing what to say to them until she got in touch with her own grief, that feels true.

Our story this morning is about grief, but it’s not only about grief. It’s also about re-orienting ourselves and our communities. It’s about the power of love to find a solution that subverted rules of division. It’s about entering into a new way of being, even when we don’t know what that new way is going to look like in its fullness.

Grief is one thing that urges the characters in the story to continue with the process of becoming, but it’s not the only thing. Beauty and longing are also forces in the story. In some versions, Hades takes Persephone to the underworld without her consent, yet even in those versions, she finds beauty in roots and jewels and pomegranate seeds; even in those versions, she is transformed into a queen. In the version I shared this morning, Persephone chooses to follow beauty and curiosity. She continues on her journey through uncertainty. If we can stay with this version of the story for a moment, it leads me to wonder what calls us forward to become the people we can become with authenticity and ethical values.

Curiosity seems to be a powerful force for becoming. Sometimes we try things, not knowing what will happen next. That’s been what a lot of the last year has been like. Moving together through the next year will be more experimentation. We will try some things, and then try some more things. Let’s travel on that journey together in the spirit of adventure and curiosity rather than perfectionism. My hope is that our curiosity will involve open hearts as well as open minds, Let’s be curious about how the people around us are feeling, what’s lifting us up, and how we can show up for one another.

Beauty is another thing that calls us forward, and I’m grateful for the beauty of spring that is providing some comfort and counterpoint in these difficult days. For me, the progression of snowdrops to daffodils to cherry blossoms to strawberry blossoms has helped me to keep track of the days, to remember that there is a past and a future, and that more growth is ahead. The music offered today is yet more beauty, more reason to remember that we are better together, more inspiration to find centering and peace. Perhaps some of us are hanging on, awaiting the possibility of encountering the beauty of a loved one’s face in person, or the beauty of art, or the beauty of a home-grown tomato. Beauty is something that can call us forward, can motivate us to continue becoming the people we could be.

One more thing that feels relevant right now about the journey of becoming is the role of building relationships, both strengthening current relationships and being open to new ones. Last night, one of the panels of the online Revolutionary Love Conference was about Lessons Learned in Ferguson, convened by my colleague James Croft from the Ethical Society of St. Louis and three of his local St. Louis interfaith colleagues about how their community came together after the murder of Michael Brown. Koach Baruch (KB) Frazier, a Jewish activist and drummer, and the Rev. Dietra Wise Baker both spoke about moments when music brought together activists with different viewpoints and who had been through harrowing circumstances, and how their ability to come together was built on the hospitality of leaders in the interfaith community. Making a place of sanctuary in their buildings, being invited into each other’s homes, being concerned with each other’s wellbeing, all of those things made it possible to organize for change and make meaning. Rev. Erin Counihan on the same panel talked about being brand new at her congregation, and deciding to show up for an interfaith meeting, even though she didn’t know what her role would be or what the plan was or what might happen. She talked about confronting her whiteness, including the attachment to certainty that goes with whiteness, and emphasizing relationships over plans. KB Frazier added that people had to unlearn their perceptions of others with different identities and from different communities, because all people have dignity and it is important to leave stereotypes at the door when everyone is together in striving for liberation. James said that whenever nonsense is going on in St. Louis, there is already a community of people who are trained, supercharged, and ready to respond together. Something in Ferguson, something in the larger St. Louis community, something all over the world, was and is ready for change. And the way it was and is going to change, is (at least in part) about relationships.

All of this reminded me of the Washington Ethical Society and our relationship with the Washington Interfaith Network (WIN). Something that is different about building power in a coalition like WIN than working with other organizations on a particular issue is the place of relationships. There are encounters where it doesn’t seem like there is a plan, or it’s not clear what our individual roles might be, or where our preferred way to do things might not prevail. Staying in relationship anyway matters. Power is built not only in the victories, not only in the visible parts of the protests, not only in the legislative visits, but also in the trust that grows from people who show up for each other in the absence of certainty. Power is built around drum circles and kitchen tables and solving mundane problems. We as individuals and as a community are always becoming, our community of communities is always becoming, DC and its environs and all of our neighborhoods are always becoming because we are drawn forward by relationships.

The power to care for one another effectively works the same way. We have some current and recent examples of people taking care of each other within the WES community, but it’s not new. There has not been a moment since I arrived when we didn’t have a meal train or a check-in plan or greeting cards going out to someone. Grief and struggle are facts. But we don’t have to face them alone. Put aside conflict and tension and gossip and arguments about the right way to do things or the right words to use. Take care of each other and let other people take care of you. Being in a values-centered community can bring out the best because we want to be our best for each other, not because of patronizing efforts to teach or reform others. Love is what makes the whole thing work.

People are always changing. Communities are always changing. There are things we can pay attention to, things we can nurture, that move us toward becoming who we could be, who we hope to be. We pay attention to the communal experience of grief, because feeling the reality of that grief leads us to human connection, truth-telling, and the drive for a re-imagined future. We pay attention to curiosity, which leads us to be courageous when we don’t know what might happen next. We pay attention to beauty. Beauty helps us to find peace and meaning, and energizes us for the journey onward. We pay attention to relationships, because who we are always has a context. We may not be able to control the changes that accompany loss, risk, and the onward progression of seasons, but we don’t have to go through those changes alone.

We are always becoming who we are. May we join together with others in such a way that we grow into the best version of who we could be, authentically and fully ourselves while still true to our values and ready to be part of a re-imagined future.

May it be so.

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rogerioreal · 4 years

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REVIVEHER

Nearly every track that Larry Levan played at The Paradise Garage.

2 Puerto Ricans, A Blackman And A Dominican - Do It Properly 198752nd Street - Cool As Ice 1983 52nd Street - Tell Me (How It Feels) (12") 1986 80's Ladies - Turned On To You 1981 Adele Bertei - Build Me A Bridge 1983 Adiche - Get Ready (12") 1985 Adonis - No Way BackAdvance - Take Me To The Top 1983 Affinity - Don't Go Away 1983 Al Hudson - If You Feel Like Dancing 1977 Aleem - Confusion (12") 1985 Aleem - Love's On Fire (12") 1986 Aleem - Release Yourself 1984 Alexander Robotnick - Problemes D'Amour (12") 1985 Alfie - Star (12") 1985 Alfie Silas - A Puppet To You (LP or 12") 1982 Alfie Silas - Communicate (LP Cut) 1982 Alfredo De La Fe - Hot To Trot 1977 Alfredo De La Fe Alicia Myers - I Want To Thank You (LP) 1982 Alma Faye - Don't Fall In Love 1979 Alma Faye - It's Over (12" ext. mix) 1979 Alma Faye - Stop, I Don't Need No Sympathy 1977 AM-FM - You Are The One 1982 Amii Stewart - I'm Gonna Get Your Love 1982 Andrea True - NY, You Got Me Dancing 1977 Andrea True - What's Your Name, What's Your Number 1977 Ann Margret - Everybody Needs Somebody Sometimes (Larry played Instr. 1981 Anthony & The Camp - What I Like (12") 1986 Anthony White - Block Party (Inst.) 1977 Archie Bell - Anytime Is Right 1981 Aretha Franklin - Freeway Of Love (12") 1985 Aretha Franklin - Get It Right 1983 Aretha Franklin - Who's Zooming Who (12") 1985 Arpeggio - Love & Desire 1979 Ashford & Simpson - Ain't No Stopping Us NowAshford & Simpson - Bourgie Bourgie 1977Ashford & Simpson - Don't Cost You Nothin' 1978Ashford Simpson - Found A Cure &It Seems To Hang On! (Special Disco Remix) 1978Ashford & Simpson - Outta The World (12") 1985 Ashford & Simpson - Stay Free (LP) 1979 Atlantis - Keep On Movin' & Groovin' 1982 Atmosphere - Atmosphere Strut 1976 Sojka and Pike on Elite Atmosphere - Dancing In Outer Space 1981 Atmosphere - Disco Juice 1976 Atmosphere - Spaced Out 1976 Attitude - Love Me Tonight 1983 Aurra - Checking You Out 1982 Salsoul Aurra - Make Up Your Mind 1981 Ava Cherry - You Never Loved Me 1980 B.B. & Q Band - "On The Beat" 1981B Beat Girls - For The Same Man 1982 B.T. Taylor - You Can't Have Your Cake (& Eat It Too) 1982Babe Ruth - The Mexican 1973Baby'0 - In The Forest 1980 Bad Girls - Too Through 1981 Bananarama - Cruel Summer (12" Mix) 1984 Barbara Fowler - Come And Get My Lovin' 1984 Barbara Mason - Another Man 1984 Barbara Pennington - 24 Hours A Day (12" Vers.) 1977 Barbara Streisand - Promises (LP) 1981Barry White - Let The Music Play 1976Barry White - My Sweet Summer Suite 1976Basement Boys - Love Don't Live Here Anymore (12" or Comp. LP) 1987 BBCS&A - Rock Shock 1982 Bell & James - Livin' It Up 1978 Ben E. King - Music Trance 1980 Bert Reid - Groovin' With You (Levan 12" Mix) 1984 Betty Wright - One Step Up, Two Steps Back 1984 Beverly Johnson - Can't You Feel It (LP) 1979 Bill Brandon - We Fell In Love While Dancing 1978 Billie - Nobody's Bizness 1983 Fleetwood rds Billy Frazier - Billy Who? 1980 Billy Nichols - Give Your Body Up To The Music 1979 Levan mix on West End rds Billy Ocean - Love Zone (12") 1986 Billy Ocean - Nights (Feel Like Getting Down) (12" Remix) 1981 Billy Ocean - Stay The Night (12" Vers.) 1981Bionic Boogie - Cream Always Rises To The Top 1978Bionic Boogie - Risky Changes 1978 Black Ivory - Mainline (12") 1979 P Adams and L Burgess Black Light Orchestra - Touch Me, Take Me 1977 Black Mamba - Vicious (Levan 12" Mix) 1984 Garage rds Blackbyrds - Happy Music 1976 Donald Byrd Blackwell - Boogie Down & Mess Around 1978 Blancmanage - Feel Me 1982 Blaze - If You Should Need A Friend (12") 1987 Blondie - Rapture 1981Blue Magic- Look Me Up 1974Bo Kool - Love Money 1982 inspired 'Love Honey Love Heartache' On Tania records, UK track Bob-A-Rela - Spend The Night 1979 Bob-A-Rela - Stop 1979 Bobbettes - Love Rhythm 1981 Bobby Thurston - Check Out This Groove 1980 Bobby Thurston - You Got What It Takes 1980Bobby Womack ‎– I Can Understand It 1972Bohannon - Let's Start The Dance 1978 Boney M - Daddy Cool 1977 Bonnie Boyer - Got To Give In To Love 1979 Booker T - Don't Stop Your Love (12" Remix) 1981 Boris Badenough - Hey Rocky (12") 1986 Brainstorm - Hot For You 1979 Brainstorm - Lovin' Is Really My Game 1977 Brainstorm - We're On Our Way Home 1978 Brass Construction - Can You See The Light (12" or LP) 1982 Randy Muller Brass Construction - Changin' 1976 Brass Construction - Give & Take (12") 1985 Brass Construction - Walkin' The Line (12") 1983 Brass Construction - We Can Do It 1980 Brecker Brothers - Don't Stop The Music 1977 Brenda & Tabulations - Let's Go All The Way (Down) 1977 Brenda & Tabulations - Superstar 1977 Brenda Gooch - You And I Together 1980Brian Eno - David Byrne ‎– The Jezebel Spirit 1981Bruce Johnson - Pipeline 1979 Bruni Pagan - Fantasy 1979 Patrick Adams on .... Vanguard Bruni Pagan - Lovers (LP) 1979 Buffalo Smoke - Stubborn Kind Of Fellow 1978 Bumble Bee Unlimited - Love Bug (Original Red Greg 12") 1976 Greg Carmichael Bunny Sigler - By The Way You Dance 1978 CJ & Co - Devil's Gun 1977 C-Bank - One More Shot 1983 John Robie C-Brand - Wired For Games 1982 Cameron - All That's Good To Me 1981 Cameron - Boogie's Gonna Get Ya 1981 Cameron - Let's Get It Off 1980 Cameron - The Magic Of You 1980 Candi Staton - When You Wake Up Tomorrow 1979 Candido - Dancin' & Prancin' 1979 Salsoul Candido - Jingo 1979 Salsoul Candido - Thousand Fingerman 1979 Salsoul Capricorn - Capricorn 1980 Captain Rapp - Bad Times (I Can't Stand It) 1983 Captain Rapp - I Can't Stand It (12" - 2nd Press) 1986 Carl Bean - I Was Born This Way (12") 1987 Carl Bean - I Was Born This Way (Orig. Motown 12") 1978 Carly Simon - Why 1982 Atlantic WEA Carol Douglas - You're Not So Hot (12" or LP Vers.) 1983 Next Plateau Carol Hahn - Do Your Best 1982 Carol Williams - Can't Get Away From Your Love 1982 Carol Williams - No One Can Do It Like You 1981 Carol Williams - You've Reached The Bottom Line (12") 1983 Carolyn Harding - Gonna Get Your Love (12") 1985 Carolyn Harding - Memories (12") 1986 Carolyn Harding - Moving On (12") 1987 Carolyn Porter - I Said It And I Meant It (12") 1987 Carrie Lucas - I Gotta Keep Dancin (Original Vers.) 1977 Cat Stevens - Was Dog A Doughnut 1977 Celi Bee - Superman 1977 Central Line - Don't Tell Me 1981 Central Line - Walking Into Sunshine (12" Levan Remix) 1981 Cerrone - Cerrone's Paradise 1977 Cerrone - Je Suis Music 1978Cerrone ‎– Love In C Minor 1976Cerrone - Supernature (whole album) 1978 Cerrone - Take Me 1977 Cerrone feat. Jocelyn Brown - Cherry Tree 1980 Chaka Khan - I Know You, I Live You (LP) 1981 Chaka Khan - Tearin' It Up (12" Levan Remix) 1983 Change - Angel In My Pocket 1980Change - Paradise 1981 Change - The Very Best In You 1982 Change - This Is Your Time 1983 Chantel Curtis - Get Another Love 1979 Chantel Curtis - Hit Man (LP) 1979 Charlie Calello Orchestra - Sing Sing Sing 1979 Charo - Dance A Little Bit Closer 1977 Salsoul Chas Jankel - Glad To Know You 1982 Chemise - She Can't Love You 1981 Cher - Take Me Home 1979 Cheri - Small Town Lover 1983 Cheri - Star Struck 1982 Cheryl Lynn - In The Night 1981 Cheryl Lynn - Keep It Hot (12") 1979 Cheryl Lynn - Love Bomb 1979 Cheryl Lynn - Star Love 1977 Cheryl Lynn - You Saved My Day 1978 Cheyne - Call Me Mr. Telephone (12") 1985 Chi-Lites - My First Mistake 1977 Chic - Chic Cheer 1978 Chicago - Street Player (12" Mix) 1979 Columbia reds Chip E. - Like This (12") 1985 Chocolette - It's That East Street Beat (12") 1985 Choice 4 - Come Down To Earth 1977 Circle City Band - Magic 1983 Circuit - A Little Help From My Friends (12") 1985 Circuit - Release The Tension 1984 Cissy Houston - Think It Over 1978 Citispeak - I Don't Need Your Handouts 1984 Citispeak - Rock To Rock 1983 CJ & Co - We Got Our Own Thing 1977 Class Action - Weekend (12" Levan Remix) 1981 Sleeping Bag rds Claudja Barry - Down & Counting (12") 1986 Claudja Barry - Johnny Please Come Home 1978 Claudja Barry - Sweet Dynamite 1977 Clausell - Don't Let It Be Crack (12") 1986 Joe Clausell ??? Coffee - Purpose (LP) 1982 Colonel Abrams - How Soon We Forget (12" Remix) 1987 Colonel Abrams - I'm Not Gonna Let (12") 1986 Colonel Abrams - Music Is The Answer 1984 Colonel Abrams - Over & Over (12") 1986 Colonel Abrams - Speculation (12") 1985 Colonel Abrams - Trapped (12") 1985 Colors - Am I Gonna Be The One (12" Dub Vers.) 1983 Colors - Pay Me Back My Love (12") 1986 Columbus Circle - If You Read My Mind 1982 Conquest - Give It To Me 1981 Conversion - Let's Do It 1981 --> Leroy Burgess Conversion - Sweet Thing 1982 Cookie - You Can't Judge A Book By It's Cover 1982 Cory Daye - Pow Wow 1978 Crown Heights Affair - Dancin' 1977 Crown Heights Affair - Don't Wanna Change You 1980 Crown Heights Affair - I See The Light 1980 Crown Heights Affair - Say A Prayer For Two 1978 Cuba Gooding - Happiness Is Just Around The Bend 1983 Streetwise rds Cultural Vibe - Mind Games (12") (Not the same record as Quest) 1986 Easystreet reds Curtis Hairston - I Want You (All Tonight) 1983 Curtis Hairston - I Want You All Tonight (12") 1985 Curtis Hairston - We All Are One 1984 Curtis Mayfield - Tell Me (How Ya Liked To Be Loved) 1979 Curtis Mayfield - What Is My Woman For? 1979 D Train - Keep On 1982 Prelude D Train - Music 1983 Prelude D Train - Walk On By 1982 Prelude D Train - You're The One For Me 1981 Prelude D.C. LaRue - Cathedrals 1977 D.C. LaRue - Let Them Dance 1978 D.D. Sounds - Cafe 1978 Dan Hartman - I Can Dream About You (Levan 12" Remix) 1984 Dan Hartman - Love Strong 1979 Dan Hartman - Relight My Fire 1978 Dan Hartman - We Are The Young (Levan 12" Remix) 1984 David Bowie - Let's Dance (12") 1983 David Christie - Don't Stop Me, I Like It 1978 David Joseph - You Can't Hide From Your Love 1983David Williams - Come On Down, Boogie People 1977 Dazz Band - Let It All Blow (12" Mix) 1984 Debbie Jacobs - Don't You Want My Love 1979 Dee Dee Bridgewater - Bad For Me (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Dee Edwards - Put Your Love On The Line 1980 Delegation - Heartache No. 9 1980 Denise McCann - Tattoo Man 1976 Dennis Coffey - Wings Of Fire 1977 Denroy Morgan - Happy Feeling 1982 Becket rds Deodato - Are You For Real 1984 Deodato - Keep It In The Family (LP) 1982 Deodato - Keep On Movin' 1982 Deodato - Night Cruiser 1980Deodato - Super Strut 1973Deodato - Whistle Bump 1978Deodato 2001 ‎– Also Sprach Zarathustra 1986Desmond Child & Rouge - Our Love Is Insane (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Dexter Wansel - Disco Lights 1977 PIR Dexter Wansel - Life On Mars Dhar Braxton - Jump Back (12") 1986 Sleeping Bag rds Diamond Touch - Love Line (12") 1985 Diana Ross - The Boss 1979Diana Ross - Love Hangover 1976Diana Ross - "No One Gets The Prize" 1979Diana Ross - Once In The Morning (LP) 1979 Diana Ross - That's How You Start Over (LP) 1983 Diana Ross - Work That Body (12" Version) 1982 Dianne Marie - I've Waited Much Too Long 1982 Dinosaur[/color] - Kiss Me Again 1978 Sire rds Dinosaur L - Corn Belt (Levan Mix; Comp. LP) 1986 Sleeping Bag rds Dinosaur L - Go Bang 1983 Sleeping Bag rds Direct Current - Everybody Here Must Party 1979 Don Ray - Got To Have Loving 1978 Don Ray - Standing In The Rain 1978 Donald Byrd - Love Has Come Around 1981 Donald Fagen - New Frontier 1982Donna McGhee - It Ain't No Big Thing 1979Donna Summer - Autumn Changes 1976Donna Summer - Bad Girls 1979Donna Summer - Hot Stuff 1979Donna Summer - I Feel Love 1977Donna Summer - Last Dance 1978Donna Summer - Love to Love You Baby 1975Donna Summer - MacArthur Park 1979Donna Summer - Spring Affair 1976Donna Summer - Summer Fever 1976Donna Washington - 'Scuse Me, While I Fall In Love 1981 SalsoulDonny Hathaway ‎– The Ghetto 1969Double Exposure - Every Man Has Got To Carry His Own Weight 1976 Salsoul Double Exposure - I Declare War 1978 Salsoul Double Exposure - I Got The Hots For You (12" Mix) 1979 Salsoul Double Exposure - My Love Is Free 1977 Salsoul Double Exposure - Ten Percent 1976 Salsoul Dynamic Superiors - Nowhere To Run 1977 Earons - Land Of Hunger 1984Earth, Wind & Fire - Africano 1975Earth Wind & Fire - I Think About Lovin' You 1971Earth, Wind & Fire - Moment of Truth 1971Earth, Wind & Fire - Power 1972Earth, Wind & Fire - Side By Side (LP) 1983 Eastbound Expressway - Never Let Go 1979 Ecstacy, Passion & Pain - If You Want Me 1981 Roy B rds Ecstacy, Passion & Pain - Touch And Go 1976 Eddie Drennon - Would You Dance To My Music 1977 Eddie Kendricks - Ain't No Smoke Without Fire 1978 Eddie Kendricks - Girl You Need A Change Of Mind 1973Eddie Kendricks - Goin' Up In Smoke 1976 Motown rds Eddy Grant - Living On The Frontline 1978 Eddy Grant - Nobody's Got Time 1980 Eddy Grant - Time Warp 1977Eddy Grant - Walking On Sunshine (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Ice rds Eddy Rosemond - Funk It 1979 Edgar Winter Group - Above & Beyond 1979 Ednah Holt - Serious, Serious Space Party (Levan 12" Mix) 1981 West End rds Edwin Birdsong - Rapper Dapper Snapper 1980 Salsoul rds El Coco - Cocomotion 1977 El Coco - Dancing In Paradise 1978 El Coco - Let's Get It Together 1976 Eleanor Mills - Mr. Right (12") 1987 Electric Mind - Zwei 1983 Eloise Whitaker - Don't Turn Your Back On Me 1981 Empire - Freakman 1981 Empress - Dyin' To Be Dancin' 1981 Prelude rds Empress - Take A Risk 1982 Prelude rds Erasure - Sometimes (12" Remix) 1987 Erotic Drum Band - Plug Me To Death 1978 ESG - Moody 1981 99 rds Esther Williams - I'll Be Your Pleasure (Levan Remix 12" or LP) 1981 Esther Williams - You Gotta Let Me Show You 1976 Evelyn King - Your Personal Touch (12"/LP) 1985 Evelyn Thomas - Heartless (12") 1985 Exodus - Together Forever 1979 Expose - Let Me Be The One (12" Remix) 1987 Extras - Haven't Been Funked Enough 1979 Faith, Hope & Charity - You're My Piece Of Mind (Ext. 12" 1976 Fancy - Come Inside (12" Mix) 1984 Fantastic 4 - Got To Have Your Love 1977 Fantastic Aleems - Hooked On Your Love 1980 Fantasy - You're Too Late 1981 Farley Funk - Love Can't Turn Around (12" Dub Mix) 1986 Farm Boy - Move (12") 1986 Fat Larry's Band - Act Like You Know 1982 --> see Whatnauts Fat Larry's Band - Lookin' For Love 1979 Fatback Band - I Found Lovin' 1983 Fatback Band - Is This The Future (12" Vers.) 1983 Fatback Band - Spanish Hustle 1976 Fatback Band - Take It Anyway You Want It 1981 Fatback Band - The Girl Is Fine 1983 Feel - I'd Like To 1982 Feel - Let's Rock Over & Over Again 1982 Sutra rds Fern Kinney - Groove Me 1979 Final Edition - Betcha Can't Love Just Once 1980 Fingers, Inc. - Can You Feel It (Comp. LP) 1987 Fingers, Inc. - Mystery Of Love (12") 1987 Fingers, Inc. - Never No More Lonely (LP) 1987 First Choice - Breakaway 1980 Salsoul rds First Choice - Doctor Love 1977 Goldmind rds First Choice - Double Cross (Levan Remix) 1979 Salsoul rds First Choice - Let No Man Put Asunder (Remix) 1982 Salsoul rds First Choice - Love Thang 1978 Goldmind rds First Love - Don't Say Goodnight 1980 Five Special - Why Leave Us Alone 1979 Flakes - Sugar Frosted Lover 1980 Fleetwood Mac - Little Lies (12" Remix) 1987 Flower - Classical Love 1979 Fonda Rae - Heobah 1983 Posse rds Fonda Rae - Over Like A Fat Rat 1982 Vanguard rds Foxy - Tena's Song 1978 France Joli - Gonna Get Over You 1982 Prelude rds France Joli - The Heart To Break The Heart 1980 PreludeFrankie Goes To Hollywood - Relax 1984Frankie Goes To Hollywood - The Ballad of 32 1984Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Two Tribes 1984Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Welcome to the pleasuredome (The Whole 13:40 version) 1984 Fred Fowler - Girl You Need A Change Of Mind (12") (Kendricks Remake) 1986 Freda Payne - I'll Do Anything For You (12" Vers.) 1978 Freda Payne - Love Magnet 1977 Free Life - There's Something Better 1979 Freeez - I.O.U. 1983 Fresh Band - Come Back Lover 1984 Frida - I Know There's Something Goin' On 1982 Frisky - You Got Me Dancing In My Sleep 1979 Aretha Franklin - Jump To It 1983 Front Page Orchestra - Love Insurance 1979 Frontline Orchestra - Don't Turn Your Back On Me 1981 Full Circle - Workin' Up A Sweat (12") 1986 Full House - Communicate (12") 1986 Funk Deluxe - This Time 1984 Funk Fusion Band - Can You Feel It 1982 Funkapolitan - As Time Goes By 1982 Gary Criss - Rio De Janiero 1978 Salsoul rds Gary's Gang - Let's Love Dance Tonight 1979 Gayle Adams - Love Fever (12") 1981 Gayle Adams - Stretchin' Out 1980 Gayle Adams - You Brought It On Yourself 1980 Gayle Adams - Your Love Is A Life Saver 1980 Gaz - Sing Sing 1978 Salsoul rds Gene Chandler - Get Down 1978 Gene Dunlap - Take My Love 1981 General Johnson - Can't Nobody Love Me Like You Do 1978George Benson - This Masquerade 197 George Duke - I Want You For Myself 1979 George Kranz - Din Daa Daa (Original 12" Mix) 1984 George McCrae - Love In Motion 1977 Geraldine Hunt - Can't Fake The Feeling 1980 Gibson Brothers - Cuba 1979 Gibson Brothers - Oh What A Life 1980 Gino Soccio - Hold Tight 1981 Gino Soccio - I Wanna Take You There Now 1980 Gino Soccio - It's Alright 1982 Gino Soccio - Try It Out 1981 Gino Soccio - You Move Me (LP) 1982 Gino Soccio - Dancer 1979 Giorgio - I Wanna Rock You 1979 Giorgio Moroder - Evolution 1978Giorgio Moroder - Knights in White Satin (Full Album Version) 1976Girls Can't Help It - Baby Doll 1982 Gladys Knight & The Pips - Save The Overtime For Me (12" Vers.) 1983 Gladys Knight - It's A Better Than Good Time 1978 Gladys Knight - Love Is Always On Your Mind 1977 Glass - Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat 1982 West End rds Gloria Gaynor - Let's Make A Deal 1976 Gloria Gaynor - Let's Mend What's Been Broken (LP or 12") 1981 Goldie Alexander - Show You My Love 1982 Goody Goody - It Looks Like Love 1978 Atlantic --> Montana Goody Goody - Let Me Work On You 1982 Black Sun rds Grace Jones - Do Or Die 1978 Grace Jones - Don't Mess With The Messer 1979 Grace Jones - Feel Up (Levan Remix) 1982 Island rds Grace Jones - I'm Not Perfect (But I'm Perfect For You) (12") 1986 Grace Jones - La Vie En Rose 1977 Grace Jones - My Jamaican Guy 1978 Grace Jones - Nipple To The Bottle 1982 Grace Jones - On Your Knees 1979 Grace Jones - Pull Up To The Bumper (Disconet mix)1981 Grace Jones - Slave To The Rhythm/The Fashion Show/Ladies & Gentlemen (all 1985 1985 Grace Jones - Sorry 1976 Grace Jones - Warm Leatherette 1980 Greg Phillinganes - Behind The Mask (12") 1985 Gregg Diamond - Danger 1979 Gregg Diamond - Star Cruising 1978 Grey & Hanks - Dancin' 1979Grover Washington Jr. - Mister Magic 1975Gunchback Boogie Band - Funn 1982 Gwen Guthrie - Hopscotch (LP Version) 1983 Island rds Gwen Guthrie - It Should Have Been You 1982 Gwen Guthrie - Outside In The Rain (Levan 12" Remix) 1986 Gwen Guthrie - Padlock (Levan Remix - EP) 1985 Gwen Guthrie - Peanut Butter (LP Version; Levan remix released in 1985) 1983 Gwen Guthrie - Seventh Heaven (LP Version) 1983 Gwen Guthrie - Seventh Heaven/Getting Hot/Peanut Butter (Levan Remix - EP) 1985 Gwen Guthrie - They Long To Be Close To You (Levan 12" Remix) 1987 Polydor rds Gwen Guthrie - Ticket To Ride (Levan 12" Remix) 1987 4th and Broadway rds Gwen McCrae - Funky Sensation 1981 Gwen McCrae - Poyson 1981 Hanson & Davis - I'll Take You On (12" Levan Mix) 1986 Fresh rds Hanson & Davis - Tonight (Love Will Make It Right) (12" Dub Mix) 1985 Harlequin Fours - Set It Off (12" - female version) 1985 Harold Faltermeyer - Axel F (12") 1985 Harvey Mason - Groovin' You 1979 Arista rds Heaven & Earth - I Really Love You 1981 Heaven 17 - Let Me Go 1983 Herbie Hancock - Tell Everybody 1979 Hercules - Seven Ways To Jack (12"/Comp. LP) 1986 Hi-Gloss - You'll Never Know 1981 Hindsight - Stand Up (12" Remix) 1987 Hot Cuisine - Who's Been Kissing You 1981 House People - Godfather Of House (12") 1986 Hugh Masekela - Don't Go Lose It, Baby 1984 Jive Africa I Level - Give Me 1981 I Level - Minefield 1981 Ian Dury - Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick 1978 Ian Dury - Reasons To Be Cheerful 1978 Ian Dury - Spasticus (Autisticus) 1981 Idris Muhammed - Could Heaven Ever Be Like This 1977Idris Muhammad ‎– One with a Star 1978 Imagination - Burnin' Up 1983 Imagination - Changes 1983 Imagination - Instinctual (12" Remix) 1987 Imagination - Just An Illusin 1983 Imagination - Looking At Midnight (12") 1983 Imagination - State Of Love 1983 In-Sync - Sometimes Love Lets You Down (12") 1987 Indeep - Last Night A DJ Saved My Life 1983 Inner City Jam Band - What I Did For Love 1977 Inner Life - Ain't No Mountain High Enough (Garage Mix) 1981 Salsoul rds Inner Life - I'm Caught Up 1979 Prelude rds Inner Life - Let's Change It Up (12") 1985 Inner Life - Make It Last Forever (Levan Remix) 1981 Salsoul rds Inner Life - Moment Of My Life 1982 Salsoul rds Instant Funk - Body Shine (Levan Remix) 1979 Salsoul rds Instant Funk - I Got My Mind Made Up (Levan Remix) 1979 Salsoul rds Instant Funk - Just Because You'll Be Mine 1983 Salsoul rds Instant Funk - Slap, Slap, Lickedy Lap (Levan Mix) 1979 Salsoul rds Instant Funk - Why Don't You Think About Me 1979 Salsoul rds Intrigue - Fly Girl (12") 1985 Invisible Man's Band - All Night Thing 1980 Island rds Isaac Hayes - I Ain't Never 1980 Isaac Hayes - Moonlight Lovin' 1978 Isley Brothers - Harvest For The World 1976 Isley Brothers - Inside You (12" or LP) 1981J Geils Band- Give to me 1973J.M. Silk - I Can't Turn Around (12") 1987 J.M. Silk - Let The Music Take Control (12") 1987 J.M. Silk - Music Is The Key (12") 1985 J.R. Funk & Love Machine - Feel Good, Party Time 1980 Jackie Moore - How's Your Love Life Baby (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Jacksons - The Hurt (LP Cut) 1984 Jago - Are You Going To Go 1983 Jaki Graham - Set Me Free (12" Remix) 1987 Jakki - Sun Sun Sun 1976 Jamaica Boys - Spend Some Time (12" Remix) 1987 Jamaica Girls - Need Somebody New (12" Levan Remix) 1981 Sleeping Bag rds Jamaica Girls - On The Move (12") 1986 Jamaica Girls - Rock The Beat 1982James Brown - Give It Up Or Turn It Loose 1970James Brown - It's Too Funky In Here (12") 1979 James Brown - Living In America (12") 1985James Brown - The Payback 1973James Wells - My Claim To Fame 1979 James Wells - True Love Is My Destiny 1978 Jammers - And You Know That 1982 Jammers - Be Mine Tonight 1983 Salsoul rds Jan Leslie Holmes - I'm Your Superman (12" Disco Mix Version) 1984 Janet Jackson - What Have You Done For Me Lately (12") 1986 A&M rds Janice Christie - Heat Stroke (Levan 12" Mix) 1986 Supertronics rds Janice Christie - My Love Is Money 1984 Janice Christie - One Love (12") 1985 Janice Christie - Taking Me For Granted (12") 1987 Janice McClain - Smack Dab In The Middle (Levan Remix) 1980 Jean Carn - Time Waits For No One 1976 Jean Carn - Was That All It Was (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Jeanette "Lady" Day - Come Let Me Love You 1981 Jeanette Thomas - Shake Your Body (12"/Comp. LP) 1987 Jeff Lorber - Step By Step (12") 1985 Jeffrey Osborne - New Love 1982 Jeffrey Osborne - Plane Love (Levan 12" Remix) 1984 A&M rds Jeffrey Osborne - The Borderlines (Levan 12" Remix) 1984 A&M rds Jennifer Holliday - Hard Times For Lovers (Ext. 12") 1985 Jennifer Holliday - No Frills Love (Ext. 12") 1985 Jenny Burton - Bad Habits (12"/LP) 1985 Jenny Burton - Remember What You Like 1983Jesse Green ‎– Nice And Slow 1976Jimmy Bo Horne - Is It In 1980 Jimmy Bo Horne - Spank 1979 Jimmy BoHorne - Let's Do It (12") 1985 Jimmy Cliff - Peace Officer (Dub 12" Version) 1982 Jimmy Ross - First True Love Affair (Levan 12" Mix) 1981 Quality/RFC rds Jimmy Ruffin - Falling In Love With You 1977 Jimmy Sabater - To Be With You 1976 Jimmy Williams - All Of My Lovin' 1983 Joan Armatrading - Kind Words (And A Real Good Heart) (12") 1986 Jocelyn Brown - Love's Gonna Get Ya (12") 1985Jocelyn Brown "Somebody Elses Guy" 1984Joe Church - Don't You Wanna Be Mine (12") 1987 Joe Simon - Love Vibration 1978 Joe Tex - Ain't Gonna Bump No More 1977 Joe Thomas - Plato's Retreat 1978 John Davis - Night And Day 1976 John Rocca - I Want It To Be Real 1984 Johnny Dynell - Rhythm Of Love (12") 1985 Johnny Harris - Odyssey 1980Johnny Mathis - Gone, Gone, Gone 1979Jomanda - I'll Give It To You (12") 1987 Jones Girls - You Gonna Make Me Love Somebody Else (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Joy - I Need Your Love 1983 Joyce Kennedy - Hold On For Love's Sake (12") 1985 Judy Cheeks - Mellow Lovin' 1978 Salsoul rds Juggy Jones - Inside America 1976 Jupiter rds Jungle Wonz - The Jungle (Comp. LP) 1986 Jungle Wonz - Time Marches On (12"/Comp LP) 1987 Junior - Mama Used To Say 1982 Mercury UK rds Junior - Not Tonight/Look What You've Done To Me (LP) 1985 Junior - Tell Me 1983 Mercury UK rds Kano - Can't Hold Back Your Loving 1981 Emergency rds Kano - I'm Ready 1980 Emergency rds Karen Silver - Nobody Else 1981 Karen Silver - Set Me Free 1981 Karen Young - Detour 1982 Karen Young - Hot Shot 1978 West End rds Karyn White - Facts Of Love (12" Levan Remix) 1986 Kashif - Help Yourself To My Love 1983 Kashif - I Just Gotta Have You 1983 Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill (12") 1985 Kebekelektrik - War Dance 1978 Salsoul rds Keith Barrow - Turn Me Up (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Kellee Patterson - Turn On The Lights 1977 Keni Burke - You're The Best 1981 Key Of Dreams - Africa 1983 Kid Creole - Going Places 1981Kid Creole And The Coconuts - I'm A Wonderful Thing Baby 1982Kid People - Life's A Party (12") 1985 King Errison - Manhattan Love Song 1977 Kinky Foxx - So Different 1980 Kleeer - Get Tough 1981 Kleeer - Keep Your Body Workin' 1978 Klein & MBO - Dirty Talk 1982 Klein & MBO - Wonderful 1982 Klinte Jones - In The Heat Of The Night 1984Kokomo ‎– I Can Understand It 1975Kokomo - Use Your Imagination 1976 Komiko - Feel Alright 1982 Konk - Konk Party (12") 1986 Konk - Your Life (12") 1986 Kool & The Gang - Fresh (12" Remix) 1985 Kool & The Gang - Misled (12" Remix) 1984 Kool & The Gang - Open Sesame (9 min. version) 1976Kool & The Gang - Summer Madness 1974Koto - Japanese War Games 1983 Kraftwerk - Music Non-Stop (12") 1986Kraftwerk - Numbers 1981Kraftwerk - The Robots 1978 Kraftwerk - Trans Europe Express 1978 Kreamsicle - No News Is News 1984 Kurtis Blow - The Breaks 1980 Mercury US L'Amour - Let's Make Love Tonight 1984 Lace - Can't Play Around (Levan 12" Mix) 1982 Atlantic rds Laid Back - The White Horse 1984 Lamont Dozier - Going Back To My Roots 1977 Larry Graham - Sooner Or Later 1982 Larry Page - Slinky Thighs 1977 Larry played) 1982 Laurice Hudson - Feel My Love 1982 LAX - All My Love 1980 Legacy - Don't Waste The Night (12") 1985 Lemelle - You Got Something Special 1982 Lemon - A-Freak-A 1978 Lenny Williams - Choosing You 1977 Lenny Williams - Please Don't Tempt Me 1977 Lenny Williams - You Got Me Running 1978 Leon Huff - I Ain't Jivin', I'm Jammin' 1981 Leon Love - Once Is Not Enough 1984 Les Lee - I'm The One You Want (12") 1985 Level 3 - Central Line 1982 Level 42 - Something About You (12") 1985 Level 42 - Starchild (12") 1985 Level 42 - World Machine (12") 1985 Lime - Agent 406 1981 Linda Clifford - Gypsy Lady (Ext. 12" Vers.) 1978 Linda Clifford - Runaway Love (Ext. 12" Version) 1978 Linda Evans - Don't You Need 1979 Linda Hopkins - It's In Your Blood 1977 Linda Taylor - You And Me Just Started 1982 Lipps, Inc. - All Night Dancing 1980 Liquid Liquid - Cavern 1984 99 rds Lisa Lisa - I Wonder If I Take You Home (12"/LP) 1985 Living In A Box - Living In A Box (12") 1987 Liz Torres - Can't Get Enough (12") 1987 Liz Torres - Mama's Boy (12") 1987 LNR - Work It To The Bone (12") 1987 Logg - I Know You Will (Levan 12" Remix) 1981 Salsoul rds Logg - You've Got That Something 1981 Salsoul rds Loleatta Holloway - Catch Me On The Rebound 1978 Loleatta Holloway - Crash Goes Love 1984 Loleatta Holloway - Dreamin' 1976 Gold Mind rds Loleatta Holloway - Greatest Performance Of My Life (Levan Remix) 1979 Gold Mind rds Loleatta Holloway - Hit & Run (12" Remix Vers.) 1977 Loleatta Holloway - I May Not Be There When You Want Me 1978 Loleatta Holloway - Love Sensation 1980 Salsoul rds Loleatta Holloway - So Sweet (12") 1986 Loose Change - Straight From The Heart (12" Mix) 1979 Loose Ends - Choose Me (12") 1985 Loose Joints - Is It All Over My Face (Levan Remix) 1978Loose Joints- Is It All Over My Face (Original Male Version) 1978Loose Joints - Tell You (Today) 1983 Lorraine Johnson - Feed The Flame 1978 Lorraine Johnson - The More I Get (Remake of Teddy - Larry played both) 1977 Love Club - Hot Summer Nights 1983 Love Committee - Law And Order 1978 Love Unlimited Orchestra - King Kong Theme 1977 Lucy Hawkins - Gotta Get Out Of Here 1978 M - Pop Muzik 1979 Machine - Is It Love 1980 Machine - Marisa 1979 RCA rds Machine - 'There But For The Grace Of God Go I' 1979 RCA rds Macho - I'm A Man 1978 Prelude rds Made In The USA - Melodies 1977 Madhouse - Six (LP) 1987 Madleen Kane - Forbidden Love 1979 Madleen Kane - Rough Diamond 1978 Madleen Kane - You Can 1981 Madonna - Everybody 1982 Madonna - In The Groove 1984 Madonna - Open Your Heart (LP/12") 1986 Magazine 60 - Don Quichotte 1984 Mahogany - Ride On The Rhythm 1982 Mai Tai - History (12") 1985 Mai Tai - Hold Me (LP) 1986Malcom McClaren - Buffalo Girls 1982Malcolm McClaren - Madam Butterfly 1984 Man Friday - Jump (12" Levan Mix) 1986 Man Friday - Love Honey, Love Heartache (12" Levan Mix) 1986 Bo Kool Man Parrish - Hip Hop, Be Bop (Don't Stop) 1982Manu Dibango - New Bell 1972Manu Dibango - Nights In Zeralda 1972Manu Dibango - Soul Makossa 1972Mandrill - Get It All 1973Mandrill Fench Walk- Fencewalk / Hagalo 1973Mandrill - Hang Loose 1973Marc Sadane - Exciting 1982 Marc Sadane - Sit Up 1981 Marcia Griffith - Electric Boogie 1983 Margie Joseph - Knockout 1982 Marianne Faithful - Why Did You Do It 1979 Marjie Joseph - Prophecy 1976 Mark IV - Rainy Days (12") 1985 Marsha Hunt - The Other Side Of Midnight (12" Vers.) 1977 Marshall Jefferson - Move Your Body (House Music Anthem) (12") 1987 Martin Circus - Disco Circus 1978 Martin Circus - I've Got A Treat 1978Mary Jane Girls - "All Night Long" 1983Mary Jane Girls - In My House (12") 1985 Mary Wells - Gigolo 1982 Mary Wells - These Arms 1981 Mass Production - Sun Dancer 1983 Mass Production - Welcome To Our World 1977 Master C&J - In The City (12") 1987 Matrix - Stay, I Need Your Love 1982 Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride (12") 1983 Maze - Twilight (12") 1985McFadden & Whitehead ‎– Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now 1979Melba Moore - It's Been So Long (12" Remix) 1987 Melba Moore - It's Been So Long (12") 1986 Melba Moore - Standing Right Here (Ext. Remix LP) 1979 Melba Moore - You Stepped Into My Life 1978 Merc & Monk - I Get Carried Away (Levan 12" Remix) 1985 Metropolis - New York Is My Kind Of Twon 1978 Metropolis - The Greatest Show On Earth 1978 MFSB - Love Is The Message (14 min. Remix Vers.) 1981 PIR rds MFSB - Mysteries Of The World 1980 MFSB - We Got The Time 1976 Michael - Jackson - 1987Michael Mauro - Susie Q 1980 Michael Wycoff - Still Got The Magic (Sweet Delight) 1982 Michael Wycoff - Tell Me Love 1983 Michael Zager Band - Love Express 1978 Michele - Can't You Feel It 1977Michele - Disco Dance 1977 Michelle Freeman - Where'd You Get What You Got 1979 Michelle Goulet - Stop & Think (12") 1986 Michelle Wallace - It's Right 1982 Michelle Wallace - Jazzy Rhythm 1982 Mick Jagger - Lucky In Love (12" Dub Remix) 1985 Midnight Rhythm - Workin' & Slavin' 1978 Midnight Star - Curious 1983 Midway - Set It Out 1984 Mighty Clouds Of Joy - Mighty High 1976 Mighty Pope - Sweet Blindness 1979 Miguel Brown - Symphony Of Love 1978 Mike Anthony - Why Can't We Live Together 1982 Mike Theodore - Cosmic Wind 1977 Mike Theodore Orchestra - The Bull 1978 Mikki - Dance Lover 1981 Mikki - Itching For Love 1981 Millie Scott - Every Little Bit Of You (12" Remix) 1987 Millie Scott - Prisoner Of Love (12") 1986 Ministry - Work For Love 1982 Minnie Riperton - Adventures In Paradise 1976 Minnie Riperton - Stick Together (Ext. Mix) 1977Modern Romance ‎– Can You Move 1981Modern Romance - Salsa Rapsody (Import 12") 1981 Moment Of Truth - Chained To Your Love 1977 Mona Lisa Young - Rock Me Down (12") 1985 Mona Rae - Do Me 1981 Montana - Who Needs Enemies (With A Friend Like You) 1983 Montana Sextet - Heavy Vibes 1982Montreal Sound - Music (Very Special Disco Mix By PAJ) 1977Monyaka - Go Deh Yaka (Go To The Top) 1983 Morris Day - Color Of Success/The Character/The Oak Tree (All LP) 1985Mtume ‎– Green Light 1983Mtume - So You Wanna Be A Star 1980Munich Machine ‎– Get On The Funk Train (Part I+II) 1977 Munich Machine - Party Light 1979Murray Head - One Night In Bangkok (12") 1985 Musique - Push Push in the Bush --> Patrick Adams Musique - Keep on Jumpin' --> Patrick Adams N.V. - It's Alright 1983 N.V. - Let Me Do You 1984 Nancy Martin - Can't Believe 1982 Narada Michael Walden - The Nature Of Things (Levan 12" Remix) 1985 Native - Love Ain't No Holiday 1984 Nature Zone - Porcupine 1976 New Birth - Deeper 1977New Birth ‎– Until It's Time For You To Go 1973New Order - Blue Monday 1983New York Community Choir - Express Yourself 1977 Nick Straker Band - A Little Bit Of Jazz 1981 Nick Straker Band - The Beat Inside (LP) 1981 Nile Rodgers - Land Of The Good Groove 1983 Nile Rodgers - State Your Mind/Stay Out Of The Light (Levan 12" Remix) 1985Nina Hagen - African Reggae 1982NJ Connection - Love Don't Come Easy 1981 Nona Hendryx - Keep It Confidential 1983 Nona Hendryx - Transformation 1983 Nona Hendryx - Why Should I Cry (12" Remix) 1987 Norman Connors - Once I've Been There 1977 North End - Happy Days 1981 North End - Kind Of Love (Kind Of Life) 1979 Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait (12") 1985 Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait (12") 1986 Nuance - Love Ride (12" Mix) 1984 O'Jays - Extraordinary Girl (LP) 1984 O'Jays - Put Our Heads Together 1983 Odyssey - Easy Come, Easy Go 1977 Odyssey - Inside Out 1982 Odyssey - Use It Up And Wear It Out 1980 One Way - Do Your Thang 1981 One Way - Music 1980 One Way - Shine On Me 1983 Originals - Down To Love Town 1976 Originals - Hurry Up And Wait 1976 Pam Todd - Let's Get Together 1979 Pamela Stanley - Coming Out Of Hiding 1984 Paradise Girls - Holding Back (12" Dub Mix II) 1986 Passion - Don't Bring Back Memories 1980 Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield 1983 Patrick Juvet - I Love America 1978 Patti Austin - Betcha Wouldn't Hurt Me 1981 Patti Austin - Honey For The Bees (Levan 12" Remix) 1985 Patti Brooks - After Dark 1978 Patti Labelle - I'll Never, Never Give Up 1983 Patti Labelle - Music Is My Way Of Life 1979 Patti Labelle - Something Special (12") 1986 Patti Labelle - The Spirit's In It 1981 Paul Hardcastle - 19 (12") 1985 Paul Hardcastle - Don't Waste My Time (12") 1986 Paul Jabara - Pleasure Island 1978 Paul Simpson - Treat Her Sweeter (12") 1985 Paul Simpson Connection - Use Me, Lose Me 1982 Peech Boys - Come On, Come On (Levan 12" Mix) 1984 Peech Boys - Don't Make Me Wait 1982 Peech Boys - Life Is Something Special (Levan Remix) 1983 Peech Boys - On A Journey (Levan Remix) 1983 Peech Boys - Warm Summer's Night (LP) 1983 Pennye Ford - Change Your Wicked Ways (12" Remix) 1984 People's Choice - If I Knew Then What I Know Now 1980 People's Choice - You Ought To Be Dancin' 1980 Pete Shelley - Witness The Change 1981 Peter Brown - Disco Love Breakdown (Flip of "Do You Wanna Get Funky With Me") 1977 Peter Godwin - Emotional Disguise 1982 Peter Jacques Band - Fire Night Dance 1979 Philip Bailey - I Know 1983 Phreek - May My Love Be With You 1978 Phreek - Weekend 1978 Phyllis Nelson - I Like You (12") 1985 Phyllis St. James - Ain't No Turnin' Back (LP Cut) 1984 Pieces Of A Dream - Warm Weather 1981 Pilot - You Are The One 1984 Planet Patrol - Play At Your Own Risk 1982 Players Association - I Like It 1977 Players Association - Love Hangover (Inst. Remake of D. Ross' version) 1977 Pleasure- Take a chance 1980Pleasure Pump - Fantasize Me (12") 1987 Pockets - Come Go With Me 1977 Pointer Sisters - Automatic (12" Remix) 1984 Pointer Sisters - Dare Me (12") 1985 Pointer Sisters - Happiness (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Pointer Sisters - We've Got The Power 1980 Positive Force - We Got The Funk 1979 Positive People - This Feelin' 1981 Poussez - Boogie With Me 1979 Powerline - Journey 1981 Precious Wilson - I'll Be Your Friend (12") 1986 Pretty Poison - Catch Me (I'm Falling) (12") 1987 Prince - Controversy 1981 Prince - Just As Long As We're Together 1978 Prince - Sign Of The Times (12"/LP) 1987 Prince - When Doves Cry 1984Princess & Starbreeze - The Drought (12"/LP) 1987 Princess - Say I'm Your Number One (12") 1985 Private Possesion - Are You Wid It (12") 1986 Private Possession - This Time (12") 1986 Professor Funk - Visions (12") 1987 Project - Love Rescue 1979 Projection - Love Struck (12") 1987 Pure Energy - Breakaway 1981 Pure Energy - One Hot Night 1984 Pure Energy - Party On 1980 Pushe - Don't Take Your Love Away 1984 Q - The Voice Of Q 1982 Quando Quango - Love Tempo (12") 1987 Quartz - Beyond The Clouds 1978 Queen - Another One Bites The Dust 1980 Queen Samantha - Take A Chance (12" Vers.) 1978 Quest - Mind Games (12") 1986 Rainbow Brown - Til You Surrender 1981 --> Patrick Adams Rainy Davis - Sweetheart (12") 1986 Ralph McDonald - We Need More Calypso (12") 1985 Ramona Brooks - I Don't Want You Back 1980 Ramsey Lewis - This Ain't No Fantasy (12" - Female Vocal Side) 1985 Randy Crawford - Don't Wanna Be Normal (LP) 1986 Raw Sex - Stop The War 1982 Raw Silk - Do It To The Music 1981 --> Nick Martinelli Raw Silk - Just In Time And Space 1983 Raww - Don't You Try It 1984 Rebbie Jackson - Centipede (12" Mix) 1984 Reel To Reel - Love Me Like This 1983 Relevation - Feel It 1981 Rene & Angela - Keep Running 1983 Revelation - Holdin' On 1982 Rhonda Parris - No No Love (12") 1986 Rhyze - Just How Sweet Is Your Love 1980 Rice & Beans Orchestra - You've Got Magic 1977 Richard J. Smith - Don't Go Walking Out That Door 1982 Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up (12" Remix) 1987 Rick James - Glow (12") 1985 Rick James - You And I 1978 Ripple - The Beat Goes On 1978 Rita Hart - Pardon Me Mister 1984 Ritchie Family - Alright On The Night (LP) 1982 Ritchie Family - I'll Do My Best For You 1982 Ritchie Family - Life Is Music 1977 Ritchie Family - Put Your Feet To The Beat 1979 Ritchie Family - Quiet Village 1977 Robert Gorl - Darling Don't Leave Me (Import 12") 1983 Roberta Flack With Donny Hathaway ‎– Back Together Again 1979Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face 1972Roberta Flack - Lovin' You Is Such An Easy Thing To Do 1981 Rochelle Fleming - Love Itch (12") 1985 Rock Candy - I Got Love 1982 Rockers Revenge - Walking In Sunshine 1982 Rockers Revenge - Walking On Sunshine 1982 Rod - Just Keep On Walking 1982 Rod - Shake It Up (Do The Boogaloo) 1980 Rolling Stones - Missing You (12" Vers.) 1978 Rome Jeffries - Good Love 1983 Ronnie Dyson - All Over Your Face 1983 Roschelle Fleming - I Know Just What You're After (12") 1987 Rose Royce - Do Your Dance 1977 Rose Royce - Love Me Right Now (12") 1985 Rose Royce - Still In Love 1982 Roundtree - Get On Up (Get On Down) 1978 Roundtree - Hit On You 1982 Roy Ayers - Don't Stop The Feeling 1979 Roy Ayers - Running Away 1977 Royal House - Can You Party (12"/Comp. LP) 1987 Rufus - Any Love 1980 Rufus - One Million Kisses 1983 Russ Brown - Gotta Find A Way (12") 1986 --> Tee Scott Salsoul Orchestra - 212 North Street 1981 Salsoul Orchestra - Don't Beat Around The Bush 1976 Salsoul Orchestra - How High (Levan Remix) 1979 Salsoul Orchestra - It's Good For The Soul 1976 Salsoul Orchestra - Love Break (Remix 12") 1982 Salsoul Orchestra - Magic Bird Of Fire 1977 Salsoul Orchestra - Run Away 1977 Salsoul Orchestra - Take Some Time Out For Love 1982 Salsoul Orchestra - You're Just The Right Size 1976 Salsoul Orchestrat w/ Loleatta Holloway - Seconds 1982 Samantha Fox - Touch Me (I Want Your Body) (12") 1986 Samson & Delilah - I Can Feel Your Love Slippin' Away 1984 Sandy Anderson - It's Over (I'm Through) (12") 1987 Sandy Mercer - Now That You're In 1979 Sandy Mercer - Play With Me, Lay With Me (12" Vers.) 1978 Sandy Mercer - You Are My Love (12" Vers.) 1978Santa Esmeralda Starring Leroy Gomez ‎– Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - 1977Santa Esmeralda Starring Leroy Gomez ‎– Esmeralda Suite 1977Sarah Dash - Low Down, Dirty Rhythm 1983 Sarah Dash - Sinner Man 1979 Satin & Green - Spectacular 1982 Screamin' Rachel - Fun With Bad Boys (12") 1986 Seawind - Whatcha Doin'? 1980 Second Image - Can't Keep Holding On 1982 Secret Weapon - It Must Be The Music 1982 Serena - Get Your Body Up 1983 Sergio Mendes - I'll Tell You (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Serious Intention - You Don't Know Pow Wow or Easy Street records? (1986) Seven Deadly Sins - Lust 1977 Shades Of Love - Keep In Touch (Body To Body) 1982 Shalamar - My Girl Loves Me (12" Ext. Promo Only) 1985 Sharon Bailey - Cosmic Dust 1981 Sharon Brown - I Specialize In Love 1982 Sharon Paige - Tonight's The Night 1980 Sharon Redd - Beat The Street 1982 Sharon Redd - In The Name Of Love (LP) 1982 Sharon Ridley - Changin' (Closing Song at Garage) 1978 Sheryl Lee Ralph - In The Evening 1984 Shiela & B. Devotion - Spacer 1980 Shiela E. - A Love Bizarre (12"/LP) 1985 Shiela Hilton - The Bed's Too Big Without You 1980 Shirley Lites - Heat You Up (Melt You Down) 1983 Side Effect - Always There 1976 Siedah Garrett - Do You Want It Right Now (12") 1985 Silver Convention - Dancing In The Aisles 1976 Silver Convention - Mission To Venus 1978 Silver Convention - Voodoo Woman 1977 Silvetti - Spring Rain 1977 Sinnamon - I Need You Now1983Sinnamon - Thanks To You 1982 Siren - Open Up For Love 1979 Sister Sledge - Lost In Music 1979 Skatt Brothers - Walk The Night 1979 Skipworth & Turner - Can't Give Her Up (12") 1986 Skipworth & Turner - Thinking About Your Love (12") 1985 Skyy - First Time Around (Levan Remix) 1979 Skyy - Here's To You 1980 Skyy - Let Love Shine (LP) 1983 Skyy - Show Me The Way 1983 Skyy - Skyyzoo (Levan Remix) 1980 Skyy - Super Love 1980 Slave - Feel My Love 1981 Slave - Wait For Me 1981 Slimline - If You Can Dance, You Can Do It 1982 Sly Cabell - Feelin' Fine 1982 Smokey Robinson - And I Don't Love You (Levan 12" - Larry played Dub) 1984 Sofonda C. - Pick It Up (12") 1987Soft Cell - Seedy Films 1980Soft Cell - Tainted Love 1982Softones - That Old Black Magic 1976 Somethin' Special - Come Make It Feel Good 1981 SOS Band - Take Love Where You Find It 1980 SOS Band - The Finest/Borrowed Love (LP) 1986 Soul Sonic Force - Planet Rock 1982 Southroad Connection - You Like It, We Love It 1978 Space - Carry On, Turn Me On 1977 Sparkle - Handsome Man (Levan Mix) 1980 Sparque - Let's Go Dancin' (Levan 12" Remix) 1981 Sparque - Music Turns Me On 1982 Sparque - Take Some Time 1984 St. Tropez - Fill My Life With Love 1978 St. Tropez - One More Minute 1979 Stainless Steel - It All Comes Down To Love 1978 Stainless Steel - More Than Meets The Eye 1978 Staple Singers - Slippery People (12" Mix) 1984 Stargard - Wear It Out (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Starshine - All I Need Is You 1983 State Of Grace - That's When We'll Be Free 1982 Status IV - You Ain't Really Down 1983Steel Pulse - Blues Dance Raid 1982Steel Pulse - Ravers 1982Stephanie Mills - Medicine Song (12" Remix) 1984 Stephanie Mills - Put Your Body In It (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Stephanie Mills - You Can't Run From My Love (12" Vers.) 1983 Steve Arrington - Dancin' In The Key Of Life (12"/LP) 1985 Steve Arrington - Nobody Can Be You 1983 Steve Arrington - You Meet My Approval (LP) 1983 Steve Hurley - Jack Your Body (12") 1985 Steve Miller Band - Fly Like An Eagle 1976 Steve Miller Band - Macho City (12" Vers.) 1982 Steve Shelto - Don't Give Your Love Away 1983 Stevie Nicks - Stand Back 1983 Stevie Wonder - As 1977 Stevie Wonder - Go Home (12" Remix) 1985 Stevie Wonder - Love Light In Flight 1984 Sticky Fingers - Wastin' My Love 1978 Stimulation - Stimulation (12") 1985 Sting - If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free (12" Remix) 1985 Stone - Time 1981 --> Tee Scott Strafe - Set It Off 1984 --> Walter Gibbons Strikers - Body Music (12" Levan Remix) 1981 Strikers - Contagious 1982 Strikers - Inch By Inch 1981 Subject - Celebrate (12") 1986 Subject - The Magic, The Moment (12") 1985 Sun Palace - Rude Movements 1980 Supremes - High Energy 1976 Supremes - Let Yourself Go 1977 Suzi Lane - Harmony 1979 Suzy Q - Get On Up And Do It Again 1981 Suzy Q - With Your Love 1981 Sweet Cream - I Don't What I'd Do 1978 Sweet Life - I Get Lifted 1983 Sweet Pea Atkinson - Dance Or Die 1982 Sweet Thunder - Everybody's Singin' Love Songs 1978 Sylvester - Body Strong 1979 Sylvester - Dance (Disco Heat) 1978 Sylvester - Do Ya Wanna Funk 1982 Sylvester - Don't Stop (12") 1983 Sylvester - Give It Up 1981 Sylvester - I Need Somebody To Love Tonight 1979 Sylvester - I Need You 1980 Sylvester - Menergy 1983 Sylvester - Over and Over 1977Sylvester - Stars 1979 Sylvester - Too Late (12" Mix) 1984 Sylvester - Trouble In Paradise (12") 1983 Sylvia Striplin - Give Me Your Love 1980 --> Uno Melodic rds Syreeta - Can't Shake Your Love (Levan Remix) 1981 System - You Are In My System 1983 T Connection - At Midnight 1979 T.C. Curtis - Body Shake (Instr. 12" Version) 1982 T.C. Curtis - You Should Have Known Better (12") 1985 T.S. Monk - Can't Keep My Hands To Myself 1981 T.S. Monk - Candidate For Love 1981 Taana Gardner - Heartbeat (12" Levan Mix) 1981 Taana Gardner - No Frills 1981 Taana Gardner - When You Touch Me (Levan Mix) 1979 Taana Gardner - Work That Body (Levan Remix) 1980 Talking Heads - Burning Down The House 1983 Talking Heads - Slippery People (12") 1983 Talking Heads - Swamp 1983 Talking Heads - Take Me To The River 1978 Talking Heads - This Must Be The Place 1983 Tamiko Jones - Can't Live Without Your Love 1979 Tammy Lucas - Hey Boy (12") 1986 Tasha Thomas - Shoot Me (With Your Love) 1978 Tata Vega - Get It Up For Love 1978 Tata Vega - I Just Keep Thinking About You Baby (Ext. 12" Mix) 1979 Tavares - Don't Take Away The Music 1976Tavares - Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel 1976Teddy Pendergrass - The More I Get, The More I Want 1977 Teddy Pendergrass - You Can't Hide From Yourself 1977 Temper - No Favors 1984 Tempest Trio - Love Machine 1979 Tenderness - Gotta Keep Trying 1978 Tenita Jordan - I Don't Wanna Think About It (12"/LP) 1985 Teri DeSario - Ain't Nothin' Gonna Keep Me From You 1978 Terri Gonzalez - Treat Yourself To My Lofe 1982 Terri Wells - I'm Givin' All My Love (12" or LP) 1984 The Affair - Please Don't Break My Heart (12") 1985The Clash ‎– The Magnificent Seven 1980The Cut - Kindness For Weakness (12" Levan Mix) 1986The Edwin Hawkins Singers* ‎– Oh Happy Day 1969The Emotions ‎– Flowers 1976The Emotions - I Don't Wanna Lose Your Love 1976The Family - Screams Of Passion (12"/LP) 1985 The It - Donnie (12") 1986The Jackson 5 - Dancing Machine 1974The Jackson 5 - Hum Along And Dance 1973The Jackson 5 - Mirrors of My MindThe Jacksons - ABC 1970The Jacksons - Show You The Way To Go 1976The Joubert Singers ‎– Stand On The Word 1985The Limit - Say Yeah 1984 The Police - Voices Inside My Head 1980 The Quick - Rhythm Of The Jungle 1982 The Quick - Zulu 1981 The Who - Eminence Front 1982 Thelma Houston - Don't Leave Me This Way 1976 Thelma Houston - I'd Rather Spend The Bad Times With You 1984 Thelma Houston - I'm Here Again 1977 Thelma Houston - If You Feel It (12" Remix) 1981 Thelma Houston - Just Like All The Rest (Dub 12" Vers.) 1983 Thelma Houston - Saturday Night, Sunday Morning 1979 Thelma Houston - You Used To Hold Me So Tight (12") 19 84 Theo Vaness - I Can't Dance Without You 1979 Theo Vaness - Nobody But You 1978 Theo Vaness - Sentimentally It's You 1979 Third World - Dancing On The Floor 1981 Third World - Lagos Jump 1983 Third World - Now That We Found Love 1978 Third World - One To One (12") 1985 Thomas Dolby - Dessidents: The Search For Truth 1984 Thompson Twins - In The Name Of Love 1982 THP Orchestra - Good To Me 1979 THP Orchestra - Two Hot For Love 1978 THP Orchestra - Who Do You Love 1979 Three Million - I've Been Robbed (12") 1983 Three Ounces Of Love - Star Love 1978Tim Curry ‎– Paradise Garage 1979Timmy Thomas - Stone To The Bone 1977Timmy Thomas ‎– Why Can't We Live Together - 1972Tin Tin - Kiss Me 1982 Tina B. - Honey To A Bee (12" Mix) 1984 Tina Turner - Afterglow (12" Promo) 1986 Tom Browne - Crusing 1983 Tom Tom Club - Le Elephant 1981 Tom Tom Club - Pleasure Of Love 1983 Tom Tom Club - Wordy Rappinghood 1981 Tomorrow's Edition - You Turn Me On 1982 Toney Lee - Reach Up 1982 Tony Cook & The Party People - On The Floor 1984 Tony McKenzie - Ha-Chica 1983 Tony Orlando - Don't Let Go 1978 Tony Paris - Electric Automan (Levan 12" Remix) 1985 Total Contrast - Takes A Little Time (12"/LP) 1985 Total Contrast - The River (12") 1985 Touch - Love Fixation (12") 1987 Touch - Without You (12") 1986 Touchdown - Ease Your Mind 1982 Tracy Weber - Sure Shot (2 different 12"s; one has a Instr. Version that 1982 Tracy Weber - Sure Shot (Instr. Version released as "B" Side of One Step At A Time) 1983 Tramaine - Child Of The King (12") 1986 Tramaine - Fall Down Spirit Of Love (12") 1985 Tramaine - The Rock (Levan 12" Remix) 1987 Trammps - Body Contact Contract 1977 Trammps - Can We Come Together 1976 Trammps - Disco Party 1977 Trammps - Love Insurance Policy 1979 Trammps - People Of The World 1977 Trammps - Stop And Think (Remix LP) 1977 Trammps - Wha Happened To The Music 1983 Troiano - We All Need Love 1979 Trussel - Love Injection 1980 Twennynine - Fancy Dancer 1981 Two Tons - Do You Wanna Boogie, Hunh? 1980 Two Tons - Earth Can Be Just Like Heaven 1980 Two Tons - I Got The Feeling 1980 Ullanda McCullough - Bad Company 1981 Undisputed Truth - You + Me = Love 1976 Unique - What I Got Is What You Need 1983 Universal Robot Band - Barely Breaking Even 1982Universal Robot Band - Dance & Shake Your Tambourine 1977 Unlimited Touch - Searching To Find The One 1981 Upfront - Infatuation 1983 Valerie Oliver - Get The Money 1983 Van McCoy - Party 1976 Van McCoy - Rhythms Of The World 1976 Vanilla Mix - Easier Said Than Done (12") 1987 Vanity - Under The Influence (12") 1986 Vesta Williams - Don't Blow A Good Thing (12" Remix) 1987 Vicky D - This Beat Is Mine 1982 Vikki Love - Stop Playing On Me (12") 1985 Village People - Fire Island 1977 Village People - San Francisco 1977 Viola Wills - If You Could Read My Mind 1980 Visage - Fade To Grey 1980 Visual - Somehow, Someway 1983 Visual - The Music Got Me 1983 Voice In Fashion - Only In The Night (12" Dub Mix) 1987 Voyage - From East To West 1977 Voyage - From East To West 1978 Voyage - I Love You Dancer 1980 Wally Badarau - Chief Inspector/Novela Das Nove (12") 1986 Wally Jump, Jr. - Don't Push Your Luck (LP) 1987 Wally Jump, Jr. - Private Party (12") 1987 Wally Jump, Jr. - Turn Me Loose (12") 1986 Wanda - I Must Be Dreamin' 1982 War - City Country City 1972War - Deliver The Word 1972War - Galaxy - 1977War - Southern Part of Texas 1973War - The World Is A Ghetto 1972War - You Got The Power 1982Wardell Piper - Super Sweet 1979Warp 9 - Light Years Away 1983 Was (Not Was) - Tell Me That I'm Dreaming 1982Was (NotWas)- Wheel Me Out (Long Version) 1981Weather Girls - No One Can Love You More Than Me (12"/LP) 1985 Webster Lewis - Let Me Be The One 1981 Weeks & Co. - Go With The Flow 1982 Weeks & Company - Rock Your World 1981 Whatnauts - Help Is On The Way 1982 Whitney Houston - Love Will Save The Day (12" Remix) 1987 Whitney Houston - Thinking About You (12") 1985 Will Powers - Adventures In Success 1983 Willie Colon - Set Fire To Me (12") 1986 Willie Colon - She Don't Know I'm Alive (12") 1986 Willie Hutch - In And Out 1982 Winners - Get Ready For The Future 1978 Wish - Touch Me (All Night Long) 1984 World Premiere - Share The Night 1984 Xena - On The Upside 1983 Yarbrough & Peoples - Don't Waste Your Time (12" Remix) 1984 Yaz - Don't Go 1982 Yazoo - Situation 1982 Yazoo - State Farm 1983 Yello - Call It Love (12" Remix) 1987 Yellow Magic Orchestra - Computer Games 1979 Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart (12") 1983 Yoko Ono - Walking On Thin Ice 1981 Young & Co. - I Like What You're Doing (To Me) 1980 Young & Company - Such A Feeling (12") 1986 Yvonne Gage - Garden Of Eden 1981 Zena Dejonay - I've Got To Find A Way 1983 Zulema - A Mother Cries 1981Zulema - Change 1978Zulema - What's In It For Me 1982Roberta Flack - First Time Ever I Saw Your Face 1972

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hommedeseptiles · 4 years

Text

IsFly Musings and In-Game Scribbles

Overtime Period One

I open the browser and see a heavy shot total. Isles lead 44-20. And the thing has gone into overtime. Leading three-two after leading three-one .. is fine. So many such series end 4-2. But. If you let them back in after 3-1 up, especially in hockey ... it's a concern. A hot risk.

Varlamov is in net for Isles. Thomas Greiss only logged one game this playoff. Tho the 34 year-old is capable. And could start forty a season, likely. [Ed note: He's started 39, 38 and 49 with Isles in varying years; just 28 this year. Varlamov is a 6M man to Greiss' 3M. Varlamov started 39 this year and has 13 playoff starts to Greiss' one.]

I struggle with various streams ... I can't be bothered with my box downstairs. Not now. Not this season. Yes, it still works. However. It's complicated.

Six and forty-five.

Isles enter, the Flyers are five in the screen as they steal back and look organized.

The Isles don't have a slick, untouchable, unrankable forward .. no franchise player. They've come, perhaps not full circle but some kind of time-mango to the team I enjoyed about six seasons ago. When Jack whatshisname was the coach [Jack Capuano; seven seasons with a 47-win register in 14-15]. And they were a bunch of No Names. Buoniconti's Bees. Or whatever. Am-I-Rite? [Ed note: You've confused to Miami Dolphin entities; the Buoniconti-era No Name Defence and the Woodley-era Bees]

Four and fifty.

The Isles make comfortable ovals around the tight fingers of the cyborg orange. Flyers are coached by still-likeable Alain Vigneault (yes, THAT Alain Vigneault) but they're still P for putrid.

Faceoff to Carter Holt's left. Carter Bailey? Carter Barter? These names. He's good, tho. And not a bad kid.

The Isles shot lead is now 50-20. I've missed most of the game so I don't know what kind of 50-20 we're talking about here. Knowing the Isles, the number probably means early-game verve and then third period Flyer Failings. The Isles also gear down in the final frame; great goals for-against ratio in the playoff third.

Oh those Fliers.

I'm a bit busted. And shelved. And so forth. But I've been bookish. Filmish. Sipe. Fouts. Chuck Knox. Staubach and Dorsett against Bradshaw and Franco.

Also Ali. Jimmy Young. The Foreman. Some other odds and ends including an appearance on Donahue by Norton, Holmes, Frazier and Ali.

Two and thirty.

The Flyers seem to be waiting for Doom. No. Not that Doom [Ed note: Legion of Doom]. The 2020 Doom.

Komarov fires off a drop-pass and it hits wild and high. Vigneault's suit is not as sharp as last game's but still sharper than most other coaches'. I guess Vigneault made an insensitive remark last week that got flash-featured on RDS' Instagram feed. Remember RDS? Ah ha ha. Of course you do. So do I.

Habs are still in my dawghawse. Fire MB, bro.

Isles penalty. Moments later, Cizikis is hauled down on a short-handed thrust... cross-check-shoved from behind by Flyer d-man Sanheim at the circle. We go to fours.

And 1:18 left in the period.

The first OT period of this game (as per my feed). My, ah, procured feed.

<shrug>

I've paid so much. And what about all the dropped wifi. Fuck Rogers.

Thirty-eight seconds.

Leddy low behind his end line. Back and forth. Now they emerge. Pelech. Up for Pageau. Drives left to right, crosses the crease but the puck dribbles off.

And then the siren.

First Intermission (OT) Isles 4, Fliers 4

Do I really need to hear Vegas pronounced "VEGG-USS"? No, I don't. It's VAY GUSS. Ok?

Vancouver is down 3-2 in that "series" and if anyone SHOULD tie up a series after being down 3-1 (which the Canucks WERE) it's Vancouver. Ok?

I'm going to end each paragraph with "ok?" for now. Ok?

Ok. The feed fades to commercial imagery as I face a commercial break. Ok?

I've also been watching Derek Carr games prior to the Gruden hire. And just generally catching up on missed NFL footage. I missed 2004-2018 as you may or may not recall. Ok?

Hm. I forgot about ALT-F4 but just instinctively used it to down some unwanted sprung pages from yet another feed. These feeds are reliable, yes. I haven't decided how I want to view games at home. Over the past six years (essentially the length of my musings absence; with the odd short exception) I've kept watching .. more each season (minus Montreal) but almost always in public. And often with a beer involved. Different from the coffee period. Tonight is coffee, of course. But you wouldn't know why it's "of course". You THINK you know. But you DON'T KNOW. And you NEVER WILL. JK. Ok? Overtime Second Period Isles 4, Fliers 4

We resume. A quick shot of Alain. His usual expression for "situation" situations. Isles have a brief advantage and they control. Anders Lee. Loses it on the hash.

Fliers' number eighteen escapes [Ed note: Tyler Pitlick RW]. Wrister. Free, a defender just out of the picture. Varlamov extends his glove across his left post and nabs it. Announcer says it was easy. But I felt some quease.

Prior to the regular season, I went on record (somewhere) to say Isles would win the Cup. My pool picks were according(ly). Ok?

Fuck boomers, bro.

And many of my Gen X compatriots. They've forgotten what it was like to get followed around the 7-11. Or Blockbuster. Rogers Video. Etc.

And now we have Gen Z. Yes! As cool as millenials. But different style.

The penalty elapsed. Back to fives. Regular season OT means four-on-four. But, NHL conservatism (what remains of it) requires fives in the playoffs. Heaven forbid that skill should settle a contest (over brawn, sistas and bruthas, over brawn).

Flyers swarm. They close. Varlamov is a vacuum man, lost papers, lost trinkets ... the tools twinkle and he closes the pad. Boy does it look like a puck went in on the rear-net replay. Nope. That was a stick blade. Then the helicopter view above the crease shows Varlamov's boot curvetouch the puck out. And Pelech drops, face to boot and helps elbow the puck into exile. Clutching Varly's pad, a dainty shoeman showman.

No goal.

And that hectic moment is forgotten. Neutral zone calm. But the Flyers accelerate. They dare. It's daring because any uptick from Philly results in Isle commitment. Isles ARE the better team. And the Flyers best hope is a languid opponent. I wish I'd seen the first three periods. Maybe tomorrow. (There's a song about that)

Fourteen and fourteen left.

Oh. And it's Carter Hart. He's about twenty. It's his second or so full season. Image search shows a possibly likeable young fella.

Shots are 52-28, Isles.

Wrap. Whoah. Flyers Are able to ... take advantage of fatigue. Isles emerge. Eberle, he of Oil fame, winds and fires. We hear a ting but not a post-ting. Eberle's wild shots are part of his charm. Right?

Ok?

Flyers settle in for another five-on-five unwanted visit in Islander ice.

Nelson carries it out. Flushed out after a shot. Isles re-enter. Uncle Leo. Yes, he's an Isle now.

So. When we're talking about these blue-name no name Island Aislers ... lotta functional no-mistake hockey merchants ... forward names include Anders Lee, Mathew Barzal, Jordan Eberle (that's your tabbed first forward line). Anthony Beauvillier, Brock Nelson, Josh Bailey, Derrick Brassard, Jean-Gabriel Pageau and Uncle Leo. I guess <sigh> he's not as annoying as before. But.

Nine and twenty-five.

Isles start to press. Pageeau line. He's the centre. Brassard and Leo. First pairing on the blue; Adam Pelech and Ryan Pulock.

They're pushed back and then emerge quietly. Sneakily. Flyers are more concerned with maintaining their starfish five formation then just childishly lunging for the puck. They're taking away any slot passes and happy to let Isles ping from the outside. Seems effective.

Ok. So Hart. He's 21. He started thirty last year and 40 this season. Most teams completed 62 games before the season was postponed. Yes. Covid-19. If you're reading this in 2030.

He was 0.917 last year and 0.914 this season. The bulk of starters will rank between 0.910 and 0.920. I would suggest that increments of 0.35 are significant. It's a team stat, too, of course. And must be superimposed with the usual criteria; shot quality and contestation, opponent formations, opponent quality ... etc, etc, blah blah blah. Ok?

Your friend Carter is from Sherwood Park, Alberta (just outside Edmonton).

Six and forty.

Flyers beat Montreal last round in what was described by some as a tight and tough series ("some" being certain interviewed Flyers).

Their captain is Claude Giroux. Yes. He's a captain now. And that should tell you about the P for putrid. Putridity varies from spot to spot in the rink, of course. In the building(s). But yes. It's still the Fliers you love. Ah ha ha.

Brian Elliott, that paragon of goaltending arrogance (not alone in the league) started 27 Flier games. His save percentage was 0.899. Yes. You can laugh out loud.

Fliers score. The puck ekes through the pads.

There will be a game seven.

Hm.

Cuthbert cites a Mayfield broken stick as the pumpkin break. He was shooting from their blue. Stick broke (these dumb modern sticks .. I mean how many years have they had to get them right). Typical Flier goal.

Just shooooooot. Shooooooooot. We gotta get more rubber on net.

Some tyrannies counted bullets.

FINAL Philadelphia Flyers 5 New York Islanders 4 (2 OT)

Series tied 3-3

NBC Stars: Provorov, Barzal, Lindblom HDS Stars: Not enough hockey viewed

#Montreal Mystique #Homme de Sept-Iles #NYI #NHL #Flyers #Fliers #nhlplayoffs #hockey #Philadelphia #New York Islanders

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ourpickwickclub · 5 years

Note

Blake seemed really happy after the performance, smiling about his shaky hand to Kevin Frazier about performing with Gwen at the Grammys. The way he said it, I wonder if he was envious when Adam got to do that five years ago ;) Also in Gwen's IG snap at the end of the night too where he said he was a winner because he performed with her - they both seemed very content and happy with how it went.

I agree, I think they were happy and loved being able to perform together, although the night was also an emotional and difficult one.

— M

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aliceviceroy · 5 years

Link

Feb. 5, 2019

“We think of church as a place of healing and transformation, and it is,” says Michael Walrond Jr., pastor of the First Corinthian Baptist Church in Harlem. But for some, he says, “religion has been more bruising and damaging than healing and transformative.”

Pastor Mike, as he is called, leads services in a renovated art deco movie palace on Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Boulevard. Under his direction, the church has taken a lead in confronting an issue that few other religious institutions have tackled: what some call religious trauma syndrome.

You won’t find this condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which clinicians use to make their diagnoses. But the term has been gaining currency with psychotherapists, counselors and others who work with people who are recovering from the harmful effects of religious indoctrination.

Some churches “weaponize scripture and religion to do very deep damage on the psyche,” he said. Gay, lesbian and trans people are told that God condemns them, unwed mothers that they are living in sin, and many natural human desires are deemed evil.

Scientific research into the consequences of such religious condemnation remains at an early stage. But the potential for harm is clear. Many suffer for decades from post-traumatic stress disorder-type symptoms, including anxiety, self doubt and feelings of social inadequacy

Marcus Jerry Kaz McNeely, 33, who works in an after school program, came to the Hope Center, a free psychiatric clinic run by the First Corinthian Baptist Church, after leaving a church in the Bronx that prohibited watching TV, going to the movies and wearing jewelry. The leader, who demanded absolute obedience, bullied Mr. McNeely from the pulpit for the slightest infractions.

“I became sick because of stress, depressed and paranoid,” Mr. McNeely said.

Kyndra Frazier, center, directs the Hope Center, a free psychiatric clinic run by First Corinthian Baptist Church where she is a co-pastor.First Corinthian Baptist Church

Kyndra Frazier, a co-pastor of the church who directs the Hope Center, helped Mr. McNeely shed his “religious perfectionism” and “be O.K. with not being O.K.,” as he put it. She also taught him how to meditate and to “spend more quality time with myself,” a luxury that the fundamentalist church he attended had not allowed him.

Pastor Frazier, who struggled with religious condemnation of her sexual orientation as a child growing up in rural North Carolina, tells those who come to her not to blindly believe everything that’s taught from the pulpit or that’s written in the Bible, but to develop their own capacity to discern God’s will for them.

Another congregation that is working with those grappling with religious trauma is the Holy Trinity Community Church in Nashville, with a membership that is over 80 percent L.G.B.T.

Brice Thomas, the lead pastor, says he first grasped religion’s capacity for harm when his father, a Pentecostal faith healer, died of a treatable skin cancer because the church did not believe in going to doctors. After a stint in the military, Mr. Thomas, who is gay, became ordained in the United Church of Christ, one of the first denominations to affirm marriage equality, and took up his duties in Nashville last year. Together with Jennifer Strickland, a licensed therapist, he is setting up a “Recovering from Religious Trauma Syndrome” group at the church.

Pastor Thomas says that releasing feelings of shame and unworthiness takes time and the support of a loving community. He adds, however, that being ostracized by religion can be a blessing in disguise if it pushes one to develop a more authentic personal faith.

“I’m grateful to the religious community that I grew up in because the challenges that they presented have brought me to the place I am today,” he said. “I’m also thankful for my sexual orientation because it has opened me to deeper ways of being in relationship to God.”

Even after people leave religions where they have suffered abuse, they can still harbor the emotional conviction that they are “basically sinful and wrong,” says Marlene Winell, a human development expert who coined the term “religious trauma syndrome” in a series of articles in 2011.

Dr. Winell was raised by missionary parents in Taiwan whose religion, she says, taught her that she was never good enough as a child. She struggled for years “to figure out how to enjoy life,” whose pleasures she had been made to feel guilty about.

Dr. Winell’s group, Journey Free, runs retreats where people suffering from religious trauma share personal stories and engage in nurturing exercises like “the baby wrap,” in which participants are swaddled in a blanket and rocked by the others who read statements like “I love you” and “you are welcome to the world.”

“I call it reparenting,” Dr. Winell says.

Another group that works with victims is the Child-Friendly Faith Project, founded by Janet Heimlich, a journalist who has written about religious child maltreatment. The project has worked with those who say they were traumatized by religious groups, including former attendees of Cal Farley’s Boys Ranch, a Christian boarding school for at-risk children located outside Amarillo, Tex.

Brett Higbee, a retired land surveyor who attended the ranch during the late 1970s, said that he was routinely beaten for religious infractions like failing to memorize Bible verses. These experiences made him religion-phobic for years, he said, his pain triggered by entering a church or even hearing Christmas music on the radio.

The gap between religious teachings on compassion and the ways that faith sometimes gets misused inspired Dr. Harold G. Koenig, a psychiatrist, and his colleagues at Duke University to develop “religious cognitive therapy” in 2014. The therapy uses “positive scriptures that focus on forgiveness, God’s love and divine mercy to challenge the dysfunctional thoughts that maintain trauma,” says Dr. Koenig.

The Duke team has developed workbooks that accentuate this positive content for each of the world’s major religions. Clinical trials, published in 2015, showed that religious people who received the therapy had lower rates of depression and reported more positive emotions like gratitude and optimism than those who did not receive it.

The best cure for religious trauma may be a deeper dive into the spiritual core of religious teachings, Dr. Koenig says.

“Jesus just gave two commandments to the faithful,” he observed, “to love God and to love your neighbor as yourself. If people remembered this and allowed it to guide their attitudes and actions, they might stop harming people in the name of religion.”

An earlier version of this article misstated when the United Church of Christ affirmed marriage equality. It was one of the first denominations to do so, but that was in 2005, not over two decades ago.

#religious abuse

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howwelldoyouknowyourmoon · 6 years

Text

When Religion Leads to Trauma

Some churches “weaponize scripture and religion to do very deep damage on the psyche,” one pastor says.

New York Times

By Richard Schiffman February 5, 2019

“We think of church as a place of healing and transformation, and it is,” says Michael Walrond Jr., co-pastor of the First Corinthian Baptist Church in Harlem. But for some, he says, “religion has been more bruising and damaging than healing and transformative.”

“I became sick because of stress, depressed and paranoid,” Mr. McNeely said.

Read full story here:

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/05/well/mind/religion-trauma-lgbt-gay-depression-anxiety.html

Moon says “sell your life” for me

Moonie coffin time

Moon: “Women have twice the sin”

UC missionary from South Korea extorts money from Japanese

Yasue Erikawa, Moon, money, shame, guilt, fear and hell.

The Frightening Power of Obedience to Authority

conformity

Bending Truth – Cognitive Dissonance

Cult Indoctrination Process by Means of Psychological Manipulation

Religious Trauma Syndrome – Marlene Winell

Repairing the Soul – Janja Lalich

Developing Healthy Boundaries

Take Back Your Life: Recovering From Cults & Abusive Relationships

#religious trauma syndrome

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Bea & Fraze

Bea: *Bea felt sick. She'd felt sick the whole day, not able to focus on any task, told off for daydreaming (as if), waiting for this moment to come, thinking SO hard for a way out of it but still not having a solid one by the time the bell for lunch rang and Miss was calling out their names. Crosslegged on the carpet, being 'Agosti' gave her no extra time to prepare either. There was only Josh Abbott and Amaya Adams before her on the register. She was a School dinner kid, that meant getting in line to be led to the dining room to get your tray of whatever shit they were serving today. The packed-lunch early years' kids stayed in the classroom, having their sandwiches and crisps and whatever else where they'd been doing their colouring and ABCs earlier. Trying to swallow the lump in her throat as she cleared it, and then trying to look the way the movie stars looked when you were annoying them, narrowing your eyes, raising a brow like you were so stupid, instead of shamefaced embarrassed, when Miss faltered at her interruption and the class tittered, expectant. 'Yes, Katie, what is it?' 'I've not got my lunch money, Miss.' Of course, it had to be drama, huffing and puffing with the classroom helpers who shook their heads, some with equal annoyance, some with pity, Miss making a big scene of 'Why not?' and then 'Well HOW did you forget?'; pondering out loud if she could be trusted to bring money in tomorrow, if that would be allowed and on and on it went, the kids getting rowdier again, laughing and sneering, all that bullshit washed over her anyway, she didn't care about them. Just standing there, still and expressionless, wishing they'd hurry up and make a bloody decision. Protests, pointing out 'I'm not even hungry anyway' batted away with annoyance 'You HAVE to eat lunch, Katie, don't be ridiculous!' Everyone loving how in trouble she was. This was all his fault. She hated him so much. Trying not to care, because that was the punishment, and if she wasn't embarrassed then he hadn't won, hadn't got what he wanted out of it, had he? She stood there, jogging her right leg up and down, the 'I'm bored of this now so you all should be too' look plastered on her face, fixed so tight it ached to maintain it on days like this. She caught eyes with that freckly boy, who hadn't joined in with the laughing yet, and wasn't looking at her just to see how much trouble she'd be in. She didn't know how she could tell, but she just could, she narrowed her eyes at him, furrowing her brows, as if to say 'What do you want?'* Fraze: *Lunch was proper class, not the cheese sarnies and deffo not the bruised fruit that his ma kept putting back into his bag day on day like enough threats and hard looks would make him eat it on one of 'em. Nah tah. Apples or oranges he could kick or lob decent but bananas were fucking scratty shit. It'd been a laugh when Joe showed him how to shove one up a car exhaust, yeah, but he couldn't reckon on one of the lads keeping watch every time. They were too soft, like. And he could hear his ma now if he got caught, feel how far he'd have to duck out of her way if the news caught her when she was home. Forget her having his knackers in a vice like she did his da, he wanted to be let out for footie, free to smash any other scally at the beautiful game whenever he fancied. That was what he was thinking about 'til it got gegged by the bullshit around him kicking up a notch. Alright. Fuck's sake. It was all going off from what he could tell 'cause that girl who was always on her tod hadn't got her spends, which shouldn't be nothing 'cept the teachers were being well cackhanded as per and keeping her pure embarrassed. Or so he'd have reckoned if he hadn't kept glancing, like. With one more he recognised how fuming she was. It was just the same as how he got, but she weren't handling it in any of the ways he did. Or didn't. Depending who you asked. He kept waiting for her to shout or swear or throw the tray and leg it, but there was none of that. Alright then. She had his full attention with the rest. 'Course that made him feel bad 'cause he wasn't stupid, he knew she didn't want any of 'em staring, but for every knobhead that he elbowed or glared at to shut up, more joined in laughing or pissing about that he'd have to make himself noticed too to deal with. That would be stupid. What then? It felt like ages before he worked out that he was gonna give her the fruit and half of whatever else Joe had thrown into his lunchbox this morning. Longer before he stood to do it, meeting the girl's eye for the first time. He made his voice loud.* Miss, she can share with me, I've got loads. Bea: *She didn't have to wait long for an answer, not that it was an answer that satisfied her, AT ALL; fucking hell. She shook her head, trying to protest but it was lost under how much Miss was wetting herself in excitement, literally clapping her hands together, making more of a show of how considerate and kind he was being, and how they should all make more effort to be like that to each other. Like, yeah, this boy was usually one for acting up, making her job harder than she liked, but no need to go overboard. Apparently so, though, at least Bea weren't the only one in this silly pantomime now, that gave her some solace and pride back. Not that it was hers to keep, a 'Thank you, Frazier' forced from her by their stupid teacher. As if that weren't bad enough, she was then plonked down next to him on his lunch table, as if he'd agreed to be her 'bezzie mate', as they'd probably put it. She scowled down at her shoes, kicking the table leg in frustration. This was so shit. She jutted her chin out, looking up at the blonde kid with defiance, and a shrug.* Thanks but keep it, I don't need anything. Fraze: *His eyes would've rolled back into his head at miss' bullshit if he'd let 'em, but right now, he only had eyes for who he'd lumbered himself with this break without knowing why he'd bothered. She wasn't, this girl whose voice didn't match his (too posh for 'round here), or really sound like it should come out of her either (too quiet for the anger he saw was there, barely hiding). She talked like someone off the telly but she kicked out at the table like she belonged at his, squeezed between his ma and da too, like. Same temper. Call this the mad kid table, yeah? Katie sat down and everyone stopped craning their necks and finally put some food in their gobs. Good. Still, his nose scrunched itself up at the teacher's continued fannying about, fuck the pat on the head. He didn't do it for that, he weren't no goodie two shoes and nobody called him Frazier, not even his ma when she was on one. He'd just wanted everyone to shut up and they had now. So whatever. Job done, yeah? Go away, miss. When it was only them two he emptied his bag out onto the table, and giving the lunchbox a hard shove towards her as she tried to refuse, in a way that matched her attitude and unmistakably said, 'yeah, you do.' Or, 'it's lunchtime, what else are you gonna do, watch me eat?' * Bea: *Bea scowled at him, taking a little less than half, what she knew she was meant to, including the battered banana that was starting to smell like what she knew as booze from all the people's breath she'd smelt in on. Gross. She was resolute on not eating any of it anyway, even if her stomach was growling, feral with the hunger, making her mood worse, it was always worse when she was hungry, all of it. She remembered Sunday mornings with her Dad, crispy bacon on fluffy white rolls, yellow pools of butter. Vague remembrances of him telling her not to tell her Mum soured by all the things she wasn't allowed to tell now. Not hungry anyway. Yeah, right. All they'd had in this morning was those rusk things Luce liked so much and it didn't feel right taking anything from her, even when she felt so empty she might fall in on herself. Candy from a baby, yeah? Didn't take a genius to know that made you the bad guy. And there wasn't room for three of 'em in one house, was there. There was only one baddie in the films, maybe a gang but they only counted as one 'cos they was bad in the same ways. She weren't nothing like him or her, nah, fuck that forever. No one was gonna be bad like they were to her, to Luce, never. She shook her head, not wanting to be here, in these thoughts, in her head, again. He had a point on that, even if he was annoying with it; What else was she gonna do? She tore her half of the sandwich up, playing with it, acting like she was always just about to put it in her mouth but always got distracted before she could.* I owe you then. Fraze: *He'd fucked up, she was telling him that every way but saying it out loud so it didn't matter how, why or because. His ma would say 'are-eh' all sarky if she were here, he reckoned and that jogged him on to get over it. Stop being soft. Sulking, like. If you don't like it, do something that voice inside told him. His da would. Joe would. Even little Tommo would have a go, if only by throwing a wobbler loud as a baby brat could. Fine then. Fraze turned to her with a shrug, shaking his head that nah, she didn't owe him fuck all. Meaning it. Well, it went boss, 'course it did. No effect. She was just still pissing about like she'd never seen a sarnie with the crusts cut off before. Maybe she was up herself like some of the other's said, too good to eat with him or any food made for him, like. That'd be right, after he'd put himself out. He kicked out at the table leg himself to settle his stomach back, using more force that she had, before bothering to try to fill it and replace the frustration with fullness. 'Cause that made you happy, yeah?* It's just cheese. *He stuffed the whole of his share of sandwich into his mouth as if to prove it weren't that bad, chewing with the same fierceness. Blue eyes burned into green unflinchingly as if forcing her to watch him would also make her copy the actions and eat. Like she was Tommo's age and it was that simple.* Bea: *She looks down at the table leg pointedly, raising a brow, 'What'd it ever do to you, like?' also throwing a cursory glance the adult's way, yeah, they were getting noticed.* Thanks a bunch. *She smiled sweetly, as if it were a genuine thanks, shoving a bit of the sandwich in her mouth sharpish, they'd be over like a flash to make her otherwise, least this display had 'em focusing on the kid choking on their crisps again, 'stead of them.* Well, I do. So think what you want fast or I'll decide for you. *She said, matter-of-fact. Savouring the first bite of food she'd had since...3 o'clock, yesterday? And that was only the sweets she'd settled on from Al's, should've gone for something more filling... She frowned.* And I know what cheese is, by the way. *Obviously, the boy was regretting being 'nice' to her now. Standard. Not like anyone else bothered. Oh well. She turned her body to face away from him, arms folded in her lap, body language closed. Cheeks pinkening at the idea he thought she was trying to be his friend, and not only that, but he was going to be like all the rest and be so openly against the idea. Well, think again.* I'll stop talking to you, how's that for a favour? Fraze: *He followed her gaze to where it went when it broke off from his and saw that he'd probably be in trouble if he didn't stop. At the very least one of the teachers would try and make him do that counting to calm down thing which never fucking worked and made him feel like such a twat. He sighed, exactly how he so often heard one of his parents do, without knowing he'd made a sound never mind done his own copying. There wasn't any consideration in his next action either, Fraze just did it. Broke the chocolate bar down the middle and assigned her the bigger piece. Like she was him and he was Joe. He handed her share to her, wordlessly, not taking no for an answer, like. Not waiting for one. No fucking way was he gonna let her decide anything for him. So yeah, he was thinking on his feet. And gonna make a quality choice, obviously.* Go'ed giz us some sweets then if you're gonna cry 'bout it, like. *He shrugged again, giving pretending that the idea of getting anything decent from her (just 'cause he gave her half a manky sarnie, handful of crisps and a banana) wouldn't make his day. A grin escaped anyway. He couldn't help it, how she talked made him want to. It was dead funny.* Yeah? *He raised his eyebrows as if he was pure shocked by the idea of someone knowing what cheese was. *Well, no take backs, you said I can have whatever I want, shit sarnie or nah. * He nudged her, playfully, grinning. *Okay, but what if what I want is for you to chat to me, what you gonna do then? Fucked it for yourself, haven't you? You've gotta set boundaries for me, see, or I want it all. Bea: *She tried to not look at the chocolate as if she'd never seen any before, save him taking the piss again. Also save melting it in her palms, waste; she was about to take a bite, 'cos they were eating lunch now and it was pointless trying to fight that, especially as hunger always got worse if you had SOME food. It was like teasing yourself, poking the bear or whatever it was that adults said. Once you had a little, you NEEDED more. But fat chance she was letting that comment go unanswered, dickhead! She kicked his foot closest to her, not hard nor nothing, didn't need the teachers back 'on 'em and didn't need to make HIM cry, like.* I.don't.cry. Get that straight. *Bea took a bite now, for emphasis.* Right then, easy. Come with me after School, get it sorted. *She nodded, happy to have it sorted by time the day was out, and happy he'd picked something she could give or she would've had to get creative. Blinking at him, at what felt like a sudden change of heart from the boy, and concealing the grin that tries to form in return of his, she shakes her head.* Nah, it's one for one, you don't get unlimited favours, idiot. And you'd rather have sweets, wouldn't you? *Bea shrugs, finishing the chocolate, licking her lips clean.* Fraze: *He laughed, no shame at it now that she was finally reacting in a way he was used to, shaking his head again, harder this time.* All girls cry. End of. *Ma's didn't count, like, and she didn't know his, so whatever. That could be the story and he was sticking to it. She had hers and the way she was telling it meant he'd get sweets. If she wasn't full of it, Joe would lose his mind. They all would. Ali would definitely cry and she wasn't allowed chocolate or sweets yet to know how good they were. His grin widened at the idea of having something none of them did, for once. But the voice was back as soon as he had that thought, turning it into more of a frown, telling him that if he showed the rest of them what he had, he'd have to fight to keep every sweet and losing wasn't just about sharing, it was shaming. Fuck. He'd have to eat 'em all before he got home. There weren't decent enough hiding places in the flat to risk anything else. The fucking dog would sniff 'em out and he'd be in the shit like he was at Easter. Fraze clicked his lunchbox shut, why the hell was he thinking about that? Stop being a div. She'd gonna think you are, and worse.* Alright. I'll ask. *Easy said, 'cause like he'd already, to himself, she didn't know his ma. Or that there was no chance she'd let him go down the shops with the new girl at school 'cause he asked nice. Still, he nodded himself to convince her (at least) that it was happening. Fuck knows what Katie would be like if she reckoned she still owed him. Nah tah, to that. But wait a sec, he might not have to be the loser mama's boy in her eyes though if this after school plan went tits up. She was right, 'course he wanted sweets, but he still knew better than not to take advantage of the possibility that he didn't, just in case. He was a McKenna for fuck's sake.* Who says? Bea: Well you must only know really pathetic girls then because I never cry so you're wrong. *She stuck her tongue out at him, not even checking if any adult was looking now. She believed it, though; Loads of the kids in their class, girls AND boys, still cried every morning when their Mums left, clinging to their legs, begging 'em not to leave... And barely anyone took the piss out of them, much. It pissed Bea off. She could handle the ones who just wouldn't have nothing to do with her, suited her fine anyway, but the ones who thought they were funny or hard or whatever were the worst. Didn't have time or energy for it, didn't they get it? She shook her head. Still, this one, Fraze, they ACTUALLY called him, not Frazier, wasn't being like that right now; So for this lunch break, (JUST this one, like), she'd 'play nice' as Miss always told her to.* If you can't come tell me what's your favourite and I'll still give it you tomorrow morning, swear. *She held out her pinky to him.* I say. What, you wanting something for every single bit of your lunch or something? That's a bloddy cheek, init? *She smiled, to show she was joking.* Fraze: *His eyebrows rose in proper surprise for the first time since they'd sat down together. She weren't backing down, maybe she was right that she weren't like other girls in their class? She already hadn't pitched a fit when he swore or run off to tell on him like others did when he did in front of them. But he couldn't let her know that, could he? Still a McKenna, like. If she earned it, he might give her a clue. Maybe. For now, he just had to fight back. With a laugh he balled up the empty crisp bag and threw it at her, not hard, but aiming for her head. 'Course it was a direct hit. A teacher moved towards the table at speed, but he reckoned it was worth it anyway. She'd be well impressed, how could she not be? Before the telling off could come and stop him, Fraze continued to grin proudly as he linked his finger with hers, making sure she did promise even if she was mad at him now. And he nodded too.* Well, I like Sherbet Lemons best, remember that, yeah? In case and just 'cause.* He grinned back, trying not to show how happy it'd make him if they could go to the shops sometime. He didn't like girls, but if she weren't, basically (and they both agreed, or as good as, that she weren't a standard one, at least) then it was alright. Fuck it. He laughed that off with what else she said.* Nah, not for this shit show, but next time I save you, for sure. I'll step my game up. Then you'll owe me big and won't wanna refuse. Bea: *She saw the hit for what it was, a challenge. She wasn't, however, as fully certain on what the response he was after was, especially when the big grin came. If he wanted her to cry, good fucking luck, boy. The teacher who marched over and made Fraze not only apologize to her but get up and put his crisp packet in the bin, helped her work it out, giving her no time or chance to respond with violence, like. Instead, she made funny faces behind the woman's back at him whilst he was at the bin, sticking up her middle fingers (being careful that only he saw because SO many of the girls would love a chance to dob her in for anything). As he sat back down she smacked him upside the head, shaking her own, bemused but not necessarily mad.* NEXT time? What makes you think I'll need you EVER again? And what's bigger than sherbert lemons? *Her eyebrows rose questioningly with her grin, to show she expected an answer* Fraze: *His apology was about as sincere as her thank you earlier, like, 'cause he knew she weren't mad at him. If he was sorry for anything it'd be the lunch bell going. This was a proper laugh and girl or not, Katie was sound. He didn't even get mad himself when he had to get up and clean up 'cause she made sure. No promise needed. It should've wrecked his head that this posh girl with no mates he hadn't spoke to before today was pulling the same tricks on him right now that he did to keep the lads thinking he was boss but he didn't. Maybe it was just that he'd already worked out they were the same and she belonged with him on the angry kid table or he could've been having too much fun watching her to care. Either way, like his ma and da always said, he'd take what he could get. Keep on loving it, yeah? It helped that she could hit an' all, better than most of the other boys on his street. Fraze was so impressed that he wanted to blurt that news out to her there and then, but he didn't. Couldn't 'cause that'd only show that she didn't need him, any time, probably, and she'd win. He wanted that way less than Sherbet Lemons, if he admitted it out loud or not.* What makes you think you won't? You got form now, ain't yous? *He shrugged, stomach twisting, though he didn't know why any possible answer she could give in reply would do that. So what if she never wanted to see him again? Give a fuck, yeah? He was popular, he didn't need her as a mate. She needed him to be hers, if anything. Remember.* Plenty of shit is, I can fit loads of 'em in my mouth if I want. I'll show you later on if you don't reckon so. Bea: *Back to scowling, getting up from her seat, metal chair legs scraping on the vinyl floor as she pushed away from the table and away from him, slamming her chair under the desk with more force than necessary. Why'd he have to say that, like that? Oh well. It was only a lunch time, like she'd said. And the bell was due to go in five, according to Miss' loud voice ringing too close in her ear.* Oh, piss off, Frazier. See you later.*She tutted turning away from him sharply. Bea busied herself with helping clean up, a task she usually left to the rest of her class, only pretending to help, like. She kept catching his eye from across the classroom, unable to stop herself for some stupid bloody reason. She made mental note to sit as far away as possible from him when it was carpet time next.* Fraze: *He didn't know what he'd said or done but he knew what he couldn't and wouldn't. He wasn't sorry. Not for anything. Not ever. He weren't no pussy, like. And he deffo weren't the kind of soft lad that trailed along after a stupid girl. Older lads took the piss out of any that behaved like that, he'd heard 'em, under the slide at the park, bevvied voices carrying, loud and proud. The old pissheads that stumbled out of the ale 'ouse in the afternoon were the same but only in volume. He was meant to keep away from them, his ma and da made him swear. Not these lads though, they were cool. Decent. Fraze puffed his chest how he'd seen these teens do and turned away. Another job done. 'Cept his back wouldn't stay to her, wanting to be aware of what she was doing and if she cared what he was. Or not. Jesus Christ. Why and what the fuck? Alright she was funny, but not enough of a laugh to be a proper bitch. Fuck it, if he found out what he'd done wrong it'd stop winding him up, yeah? He'd ask her next chance he got and that'd be that. End of. He just didn't like not having the answer. He'd get that and get over it. Easy. Then he'd get his sweets and go home. Like she said, nothing beat his faves anyhow so whatever.* Bea: [Home Time] Bea: *It had been dead hard avoiding the freckly kid all afternoon. Harder than it should be. He was no more on her radar than the rest before this, like, but now it seemed everywhere she turned, he was there, being all loud and...well, loud, really. It didn't help when they were sat on the same table to do puzzles, snatching pieces from the other before they got place it becoming a game that almost got her to grin when she remembered what he said and she had to remember to scowl at him again. Idiot. Form? What did that even mean? And he could fucking talk. His Mum always picked him up, and he had a Dad too, he'd picked him and his Brother up too sometimes, with the little boy and girl which must be more family. What did he know about anything, like. Absolutely nothing. Baby. Home time was easily her least favourite bit of the day. All the Mums and Dads and Nans and older Sisters and Brothers waiting in the playground, the way all the other kids ran to the window, all excited to see who was there for them, waving until they'd be allowed out to jump into their arms, tell them all about their day as they walked hand in hand to their lovely Home where they'd have fish fingers and beans for dinner in front of kids' TV before bath time and being tucked up in a cosy bed and read a story 'til they fell asleep and got to do it all again tomorrow. She hated them all. But she had to stick close. She weren't no idiot. She knew how dead easy she could get snatched by some wrong'un. So she changed the way she went home, switching it up every day. Following a different family every time, so they didn't get suspect and ask her where her 'Mam' was, all concerned. Safety in being confused as one of theirs, with an adult to protect her. She'd never followed freckled boy, he didn't live the same way she did. Anyway, his Mum stared too hard and Bea didn't like it at all. Miss tried (and failed) to get everyone to calm, back crosslegged on the carpet as she did the last register to make sure everyone was accounted for and sent to the right family and home. Bea reckoned they spent half their day saying 'Here', as if it was possible to get out. She'd tried, plenty of times. It would be easier when they were in proper classrooms like the bigger kids but they were still treated like such little babies. Fraze was sat about three kids away, so she leaned behind, tapping him on the shoulder, giving him a silent thumbs up and then a thumbs down, to gauge if he remembered. He had. So when her name was called, number three, she spoke loud and clear over the overly-excited chittering of everyone else.* Miss, I'm going back with Frazier and his Mum today. *When Miss nodded, how little she cared clear, Bea went to gather her bag from the cloakroom, hanging about there 'til they got to the Ms on the register; That's where he was, right?* Fraze: *It was piss easy ignoring that girl for the rest of the afternoon, like. He had loads of mates, more than anyone else in the class had 'cause who didn't like him, 'cept her now. But he weren't thinking 'bout that, was he? If he thought he was properly gonna, it was all grins and chatter and laughter. Being louder than all them other sounds going on in his head, learning it off Joe, everything what not too do 'cause his brother could be well quiet and frowny and he didn't like that. Fuck no. Besides, his ma and da were loud all the time, even sleeping they snored and snored. Jesus, his ma could say more with one of her looks than miss said all day, and everyone on their street knew it. Like everyone in this class knew he was the funniest, best at footie and fighting by miles. So there. Katie could reckon whatever else she wanted. What did he care? He was Fraze McKenna. End of. Still, he couldn't help trying to get the girl to grin again, wanting to see it same as before, share jokes that half the rest of 'em never got. Fuck knows why. Maybe she was right, and he was different too, not just better. And they were both more like the older lads under the slide than the babyish girls who hid under their tables playing pretend. He'd been weighing that idea up for a bit himself anyway. He could hurt his big brother if he wanted, and sometimes he did want to. Katie could hurt anyone here if she felt like it ('cept him, 'course) and he reckoned she did, maybe more than sometimes. That went round and round his head 'til the bell rang and he had something else to think on. Home time. Time to worry 'bout other shit. At least today if was only if his ma would let him go to down the shops or nah, Joe would say it could be worse and he weren't wrong 'bout none of that stuff ever. His brother could be trusted to be right when Fraze weren't sure if he'd dreamed things or muddled them up. Joe knew what was real and what weren't no matter what. Alright then. Fine. He'd just get permission to go. No need to fucking cry 'bout it, only man up, she said she'd bring the sweets tomorrow if his ma said no, swore as well. He couldn't lose. Fuck it. Fraze charged out to do exactly that as soon as he could, without looking back to check if the new girl was keeping up with how fast he could run. Unlikely. He was proper fast. He nearly smacked into his ma with the force of it, like, but she just laughed. Ruffled his hair, glaring back at him when he tried to do one to make her stop, before cracking up again. Fucking hell. Pure embarrassing. He tried not to go red and get his words out. If he made this quick she couldn't do anything else to make him look stupid, yeah? Besides ask loads and loads of questions about where he was going, who else was, and what Katie's mum reckoned about it. Fraze stamped his foot impatiently through each one, earning a less jokey look of warning. Oh come on! He answered every one, he weren't gonna do it smiling while she made him look like a twat, was he?* Bea: *Bea rolled her eyes, as he ran out, surprised he didn't fall and scrape his knees on the tarmac the way he kept looking back at her. She couldn't help but smile smugly to herself, making sure to take her time just as smugly, swinging her bag at her side as if she was in no rush. 'Cos she weren't in no rush to chat to his Mum, no thanks. He could bloody sort that, she'd be doing the rest; favours didn't extend that far no matter how much of a hero he chatted he was. She hung back, bored, as she did the usual Mum thing and he went all pink. Bea looked the lady up and down, studying. Fraze didn't look loads like his Mum. They were both blonde but she was more pale, and her eyes were really big and it was creepy, she decided there and then. She was young, younger than the Mums that all stuck together looking everyone else up and down, but not the youngest by any stretch, the Mums who looked like they should still be at big School, like. Probably about as young as her Mum and Dad had been...That made her dislike her more. Bea did her best to stay out of it, even though he was being such a boy and making a right mess out of it but she instinctively chimed in when she asked what her Mum reckoned.* My Mum don't reckon anything, she's dead. *You find out quick it's a decent way to shut people up, or make 'em feel sorry for you and give you what you're after, simple as. Fuck, even Nan could be tapped for stuff when she was having one of her days where she wanted to go on and on about how much she loved and missed her 'little girl' wailing and sobbing so dramatically like she was trying to get an Oscar. Of course, ran the risk of her calling her 'Kathryn' (even though that weren't even her full name or nothing) and saying she wished she was the one that died instead but, who cared? Not like she didn't wish her Nan was dead too so it was fair. She copied Fraze, stamping her feet too, making eye contact with his Mum as she grinned, willing her to relent.* Fraze: *Fraze blinked when Katie told 'em about her ma ('cause he didn't know that or anyone else who had a dead ma, only some lads without das, dead or taken off by the bizzies for a stretch) but his own didn't flinch, she just asked instead what 'whoever was looking after her' reckoned then, not missing a beat, and calling her 'kid' which made him go even redder, like, his own eyes basically begging her to shut up, but his ma weren't paying no attention to him, only the girl next to him. It wasn't a look he'd had aimed at him before so he didn't have a clue what it meant, good or bad. Either way, he reckoned it was best to try and hurry this shit along. Not that his ma was having any of this. 'Course she wouldn't. He weren't born yesterday even if she was treating him like he was in front of this girl. He tried saying 'please' and everything, only screwing his face up a bit around the word, 'cause a whole bag full of sweets wouldn't disguise the taste of having to. If she was proud of him, she never said though, insisting that yeah, they could go to the shops if she went with them. FUCK! Arlarse weren't the word. Right, this weren't happening. No way was he going with his ma along to hold his hand like some baby. He'd rather starve. Or never speak to Katie again, ever, than have her think that's the kind of lad he was. Tah, ma. Honestly. Cheers so much. His face was burning up to his ears, it was shit enough she'd see that, they both would. Fraze scowled, shaking his head, fiercely.* Nah. Forget it. Bea: *Bea raised a brow, disbelieving. Was this lady actually daft? She gestured around her with an encompassing shrug of her shoulders.* You see 'em here? They reckon it's fine, adult. *Putting thick disdain on the 'adult' because the 'kid' had rubbed her up the wrong way so sod you, whoever's Mum you are, give a fuck. She let's it sit for as long as she can but sighs, inevitably relenting when she won't and he's about to blow his top with it. Poor boy. More hassle than they were worth, parents. Glad she didn't have any, like. Sure. Bea was sure she didn't want/couldn't have her coming if she were gonna stick to her promise, and she always did so. She'd try once more to get Fraze to come with, thinking it'd be good to impress him with all the sweets she could get, for free; but if his old lady was gonna be a pain in her arse she'd have to settle for just getting him his share tomorrow morning. No fun in it but at least she wouldn't owe him no more.* Look, my Nan's husband- *She had to call him Grandpa when he was here, to show how close they were to people and what a great man he was to raise the orphan girls, but he weren't here and she took the small amount of satisfaction it gave her to disobey him here and now-* is a Doctor at that surgery right there, see? I ALWAYS go to the corner shop after School, he watches the whole time, yeah? I'll bring him back safe. But if you're REALLY worried about YOUR child, I'll just go ALL BY MYSELF then. *Emphasis as a challenge, like are you concerned for real like you're fronting or are you just like Miss and the rest? As long as you're seen to have done your bit, then fuck off, kid, I'm blameless and don't owe you shit. Go on, disappoint me, like.* Fraze: *He couldn't believe what he was hearing, nobody talked to his ma like that, even his da knew better than to try it, like, but fucking hell, here was this tiny girl, half his size, giving it all that and more 'cause she weren't fronting that she weren't scared or anything, she just properly weren't. Fraze's chest felt tight and his stomach was well twisty, making him reckon that maybe he didn't want sweets so bad any more now. Wide blue eyes went from Katie to his ma and back again, not daring to blink in case he missed a sec of what either of 'em were gonna do next. He watched for everything that weren't said out loud an' all, 'cause that was the thing with his ma, she could be quieter than Joe ever had, when she wanted, but there was always something going on. Like he said, she was always loud, not always in the shouty way of it or whatever though. And right now he reckoned he could hear her thinking. Deciding about shit. More than if he was allowed sweets or nah. He swallowed hard, waiting, counting not to calm, exactly, just...fuck knows. He made it to 3 when he saw his ma do one of them smiles of hers that he tried to copy in the mirror whenever Joe weren't about to catch him. And then swore he felt the nod she gave as much as saw it, breathing out himself at the same time. Yeah? She was really saying it was alright instead of kicking off? Oh my god. His jaw was about to hit the floor, unlike his ma's which he knew was set as much as her mind was made up. She told him to 'go with his friend'. (The unspoken McKenna code passing between 'em with a look as he made sure to stand as tall as possible so his ma knew he understood that he was meant to look after this girl and would. Could easy.) He barely listened to the rest, knowing she'd be telling him the usual shit, to get his arse straight back to the cafe, no messing, blah blah blah, but he did hear her invite Katie back too, catching his classmate's eye quickly, unable to stop himself from hoping that she would come with after, get a coke with him and stick around. He liked her again and this time he really wanted her to know it. Be friends proper like his ma reckoned they were. But even more than that, he wanted to see if he could impress her too, somehow. For that, he needed time and opportunity so fingers crossed. The boy grinned widely, feeling it on his face but not caring who else saw. Things were going his way, why shouldn't he? Fuck off if you don't agree.* In a bit, ma. *He threw the words over his squared shoulders, feeling her watch him how he was sure she would they both until they were out of sight. Fine. He weren't mad. Not now.* Bea: *She wasn't sure how Fraze's Mum would react. Most adults (the normal ones) didn't know how to react to her, she made them uncomfortable, she did the other kids as well. Hell, even some of the bad adults she saw way more of couldn't handle her, just like old Al in the corner shop, she shook her head, smirking at the thought of rinsing him of all the good stuff, yet again. This time with someone to show-off to and share her spoils with. She liked it when she made people uncomfortable, it was better than the ones she didn't, they're the ones who made her feel like that instead and she hated it. Telling her how clever and grown-up and funny she was, but in the voice you'd use to talk to a baby so she doubted they fucking meant it. But she was. Had to be, so she had to take some damn pride in it too, thanks very much and fuck you for thinking otherwise. As much as she doubted the lady was gonna belt her one, still, Bea didn't reckon on a smile either; It ALMOST caught her off-guard, to the point she smiled back, before quickly wiping it off her features as if it never happened. Pretend it was to get out of here faster, whatever. She did a fake polite smile back when the invite came, knowing she couldn't already- but when she caught him trying to catch her eye, all eager and earnest- her reply that NEEDED to be 'No, thanks' stuck and instead she said nothing, just nodded her head dumbly. Oh well. She'd dash after, make whatever excuse worked best, no problem. Walking off from her with a bemused nod, kind of shocked that that had actually worked but proud it had, she stood up as tall as him (well, she wasn't, but back as straight and shoulder's pushed as far back, like), side by side. The shop really was only a few buildings down the road from their School and you only had to cross one tiny sideroad which was easy unless you was a total moron and she didn't think he was, actually. She looks up at him, grinning back, his infectious.* How many Brothers and Sisters you got then? *Bea asked, unprompted, wondering if there was more she'd not seen before or what.* Fraze: *He was pure made up to be doing this, he weren't allowed when it was him and his big brother together, though they did it secretly when ma and da weren't about to stop 'em, this was different. Proper. They'd asked and they'd got, that didn't just fucking happen, day to day. Not to him. Not with his ma. So there was no pretending he weren't happy. Simple as. He was bouncing on his heels all the way along, free and loving it, like. Fraze didn't look back once, wouldn't. He barely stole any the girl walking with him, 'til she spoke, breaking the easy silence. His eyes met hers then, searching for how she felt in spite of the grin he could see, making sure. Taking it serious, everything his ma hadn't needed to tell him to do and he hadn't needed to promise to. He shrugged at the question, surprised if she really didn't know already 'cause for some reason it was always something people did.* 2 Brothers and a sister. *He grimaced at that word same as he had with 'please'.* But she's just a baby, like. Whatever. *He meant that. Ali weren't annoying yet. Less than Tommo already was, following 'em about like a little shadow. Fuck that and fuck off.* Ma and da like me best though. *He laughed. The boast was half true, he was his da's fave, way more than Joe, who was a mama's boy. Like or nah. *An' they got a girl now so they ain't need no more, thank Christ. *He paused, looking at her again as he remembered what she'd said before about her own family, the only thing he knew about her other than her name and her anger. His eyes and voice both softened as he spoke up.* Soz 'bout your ma. That's shit. Bea: *He had loads of energy, like. It was hard for Bea to keep up, honestly, but she did her best not to let it show. That was par for the course when you never got enough food or enough sleep, you get used to faking an acceptable, undetectable level of 'fine' to keep from the more exhausting conversations no one wants to have. Simple as. Still, conversationally, he was easy to keep up with. So she had seen them all before. Bea nodded, pleased she had some experience to relate to what he was saying.* My sister too. *It was hard to tell how old babies were, they all sort of looked the same but she reckoned Luce was a bit younger than the little girl she'd seen with Fraze's Dad a few times. Fatter though, and she didn't walk yet or say much. It worried her a lot but she didn't wanna think about that right now when she had all the other time in the world to do that, right now she actually had something else, so appreciate it whilst it lasts. She laughs, meaning it, ruffling his hair like his Mum had, having to get on her tiptoes to reach.* Nah, bet they tell you off ALL the time. Bet you're- *She gets off him, quick, shrugging away, pulling her jacket 'round her tight but making a sound like she ain't even bothered, though she's walking faster.* If you reckon that's shit, my Dad's dead too so wha'd'ya think to that? Fraze: *Fuck's sake. It was going decent, she liked him again, he could see it, hear it when she laughed and feel it when she took the piss that it was playful same as before with the crisp bag, but he didn't keep his mouth shut and let it be. Why? She was the one with the dead ma, she knew how shit it was without him to tell her. Knobhead. She turned into Joe when their ma and da came home late or they woke up in the night 'cause the door was going again, like. If he tried another sorry she might hit him, or worse, cry like she reckoned she never. Either way, she wouldn't hear the apology 'cause she didn't want it. He blinked hard, scratching the back of his neck as he caught up with her increased stride. That bit was easy, finding something to say weren't. Fraze frowned and thought. It came to him after a sec.* I reckon you'll do all right, my ma and da don't have parents, never have, and they're sound. *He pulled the girl back by the sleeve of her coat, not rough like he would've if she actually was his brother, but insistent still, looking at her.* You won my ma round, like, and that ain't something I can do. Bea: *More nodding. Least that made sense, why his Mum had been nice to her, like. Dead Parents club. They didn't call it that, but she'd overheard him telling some well-meaning old biddies that that's where she went...Support group? Yeah, support group, that he'd found a really amazing one for her with other kids with dead Parents, sometimes dead Brothers and Sisters too, for a change. It was all bollocks, she didn't go nothing like that. Fuck, probably reckons if he lets her start chatting that all his secrets and feelings will come spilling out, never mind her own. Joke. She didn't really feel much about her Parents anyway, truly. No offense. Didn't have time for it. If she ever had the luxury of time to think on them, she just got angry at them for leaving her here because if they hadn't, all the rest of her problems wouldn't exist, so then she would have time to miss 'em like everyone reckoned she must/should. When Fraze pulls her back, she considers telling him, God, not all of this, but some of it, she decides against it, though. HIS Parents ain't dead, after all, and holy fuck she bets nothing like what's happening to her has EVER happened to him; So he ain't gonna get it, couldn't. She shrugs, less aggressively than before, sort of smiling that weird half-smile that was a bit sad too, that she'd learnt from the films, fluttering her eyelashes at him all for effect.* I am cuter than you. Fraze: *There was a huge part of him, growing every second, it felt like, that wanted to know what going on, behind everything, but just like his ma (who never even locked the bathroom door but still kept 'em all at arms length still) he had no clue how to get Katie to show or tell him either. He couldn't scream at her or hit her. You weren't allowed to do shit like that to girls, and everyone else saw her as one even if them two didn't, so he'd get in trouble if he dared try anyway. And he didn't, dare, like. Not 'cause he wanted sweets, fuck them honestly by now, he'd basically forgot 'bout the whole debt thing. But 'cause he couldn't stop thinking about her coming to the cafe with him and maybe tomorrow, sitting together 'cause they wanted to, instead of miss saying they had to. He shrugged back, staring at her openly, fed up with so many secrets around all the time. Fuck cute, that was for babies and animals and that. She was more. Impressive and fierce and...what? He needed to find a word for the new girl that was just better. Cooler. Properly decent. Something that fit.* You ain't cute, you're boss. Bea: *It isn't that the prolonged eye contact made her uncomfortable, it was that it DIDN'T, and she didn't know what to do with that at all. She was used to people looking at her, and those people and their looks making her want to rip off her own skin because it crawled so much. As much as their hands and eyes would roam all over her and- And she knew what to do with them, stare back, to hide all that...grossness, that she felt underneath, because that's what they wanted to see, so you couldn't let 'em. She had to make it hard for them, not as fun, or else, what the fuck did she have? But Fraze wasn't looking at her like that. Or making her feel any of that. But she felt SOMETHING, not nothing, like when people looked her up and down who didn't know. What did he know, though? It was confusing. Bit like the word he called her. She still didn't know exactly what it meant, when they said it the way they did 'round here, but she knew it was a good thing so she was happy. She smiled, opening and holding the shop door for him with a wink as they reached it.* You'll see. Fraze: *She smiled and he was back to winning. Nah, feeling like a winner was more like it. He smiled back, putting his weight on the door before it could knock her over, like. She really was tiny, smaller than any other girl in their class by loads but he'd never noticed until she squared up to his ma just now, which didn't make sense 'cause 'course that made her seem bigger. Why was he thinking 'bout how she looked anyway? Weird that. She weren't no boy he was looking to fight, working out his odds and that was the only time size mattered. Fraze told himself to shut his gob and went in, looking 'round 'til he found where the sweets were and went towards 'em. This shop had shit loads, if he had spends he could go well mad in here, like. Get more than a handful of his faves. His ma hadn't given him any though so that weren't likely, was it? He could hear her voice in his ear, saying 'take what you can get, kid' so he started filling one of the little paper bags with Sherbet Lemons, but he'd only thrown a few in, nowhere near enough to stop her owing him, when something else drowned out that wisdom. He turned back to the girl, sharply, stopping. Fraze kept his voice low, trying not to embarrass her again.* How you gonna buy these without any money? Bea: *Al was a nervous sort of man but Bea could see he was even more nervous than usual now that she wasn't alone, his eyes darting back to Fraze enough to be odd but he clearly couldn't help it. Probably reckoning the little girl had told the little boy all the bad things unassuming old Al liked to get up to with her. She grinned at the man fiercely, taking power in that thought, linking her arm with the boy's and Al smiled back best he could, all meek and licking his lips even five seconds making them all wet. Disgusting. Bea peered down into Fraze's pink striped bag and frowned up at him, talking loud to show she could, it weren't no secret.* Get more! Get stuff for your Brother's and Sister too, if you like. We can have whatever we want. Al and me are good friends, aren't we Al? *A mumbled 'Oh erm, yes, of course we are. Help yourselves, kids. Any friend of Katie's...' as he worried the skin on the back on his neck, coughing into his elbow furiously, going pink like Fraze had earlier with his Mum.* Bea made a big show of peering at every shelf, taking her time, 'Hmm'ing' out loud, tapping her index finger on her lips, in time to the tapping of her foot. She was really taking the piss today, trying a 'sample' of every pick 'n' mix going, shoveling jellybeans into her mouth and handing the boy as many, firing them into his mouth, see if he could catch them. It was a right laugh. Made better by the fact Al was getting mad but still couldn't do anything, even when she 'accidentally' knocked over a whole display of chocolate bars. He was still just laughing, in such a nervous, fake way and tutting over the top dramatic, cleaning up behind 'em. The power she felt in him being able to do fuck all was immense, it was why she came back every day. It was why he was so mean when he got his chance. Worth it though. Worth it to make him fucking squirm. In the end she got some of those little sugar mice for Luce, they were kinda gross and she didn't really like letting her sister eat them either (she was big enough and everyone knew sweets were bad for you) but her little sister loved it when Bea made them scurry about, pretending to nibble on the mouldy cheese way past the turn, acting like they were gonna bite the horrible dog's tail off, she proper giggled, like- Yeah, those for Luce and she didn't really fancy anything herself, feeling sick from how much she'd ate just to show her accomplice that she could, to show Al too. She felt full as well though that was impossible. Full of it, like. That's what she'd heard Miss say about the freckly face in front of her, dead affectionate though, like, not on a day when he was actually winding her up proper. He was just...likable. Bea liked him, she decided. Pulling him out the door, giggling, waggling her fingers at Al behind 'em who looked like he was about to cry, the absolute pussy.* If you come back with me again, you can have more, don't have to share your lunch or nothing. Just don't tell no one else. I only share my secrets with people who are worthy, okay? Only us can do it, not even your Brother can come...No offense. *She stuck her pinky out again.* Deal? Fraze: *Linking arms was the kind of playground shit that stupid girls did and he didn't like it, but he liked that she did, that she was over the top happy from the first sec she did it so he didn't pull away. Besides, the bloke weren't happy 'bout none of it, and Fraze liked him even less. Instantly. He was the kind of bell end his ma warned 'em off of, he felt that. Acting all nice to hide the sketchy. Loads of 'em did it, you had to have your wits, like. And a decent jab, which his da had taught him an' all. The way Katie called him a friend got his back proper up, not just 'cause he wanted to be hers, though he did. It was the way she said it, with the same voice his ma and da used when people came 'round, late. He felt sick over it, didn't want anything, would rather she was a dipper too, like him and Joe sometimes were, with little things you could hide easy. But every time he tried to shake his head nah or get words out to tell her they should just bail now, fuck this for a bad idea, the girl handed him something. It was tempting to go home the hero, sweets for everyone and as many inside him, like. He couldn't deny that. And anyway, if this man was a wrong'un then he was owed it. Worse too. Until he could tell someone, maybe make his da come 'round and scare the cunt then why not, yeah? They were good sweets, he couldn't deny that either, especially when she made a game of getting him to catch 'em. He laughed with none of the nervousness he felt in his guts when Katie did that, finding it even funnier when they fell on the floor. Al would have to sweep each of 'em up. Have fun, knobhead. He grinned wider than he had before now, 'til it almost hurt, picking out loads more sweets and chocolate than his ma would ever let him keep hold of, just 'cause. If he could leave this place with empty shelves, he would, to see how smiley Al would feel 'bout him taking everything. His ma would be proud of that much, he reckoned. It made him feel better, a bit. Brave enough to stick his own fingers up at the bloke when she waved, like it was how he treated shitty adults as standard. Still, he breathed out a huge breath once they properly left. The street under his feet felt massive suddenly and well bright. Fraze shook his too heavy head, only stopping when his new mate spoke to him, his eyes widening instead, both eyebrows rising up really high. That was alright by him, it meant he didn't have to ask any stupid questions when his face did that for him. A hand ran through his short blonde hair, too many thoughts to think.* Okay. Yeah. *He couldn't help grinning again, he knew she was only saying that stuff about him so he'd keep his mouth shut, but he liked it. Being treated like a winner by someone else without a fight and having a secret that even Joe wouldn't know. Sharing it with her. He nodded, redoing the promise. It didn't feel decent enough though, not for now, and not as soon as he'd had a better idea. The boy spat into his palm quickly and held it out for the other to shake.* Deal. Bea: *She knew what the other girls in their class would do if Fraze so much as attempted to do this with them, (though, why would he? He was always just playfighting with the other lads and generally tormenting the girls that came near and tried to make him play Mums and Dads with them or something), they'd shriek in horror and run away, hysterical giggling or crying, either to tell the Teacher or talk to the other prissy girls about how gross boys were. Bea just reckoned they were lucky if a bit of spit was really the grossest thing they could imagine. How lucky to be such a little Princess that you never have to touch anything unpleasant, that you can run and scream, and people will listen. She spat into her own palm, with more enthusiasm than necessary, (fueled by her annoyance at every other girl who wouldn't), and shook his hand real strong, like, looking him square in the eye, serious.* No takebacks. Your Mum will let you now she knows me so don't be tryna get out of it, alright? I'll know. *She poked him in the chest to show she meant it, but turned her serious tone into a playful one, grinning again, wiping their spit onto the chest of his School jumper.* Boss, yeah? Fraze: *He didn't know how he knew she'd do it before she did, he just reckoned she would. Without any of the other bullshit other girls brought with 'em, like screaming or telling tales of him. Anyway, who was she gonna tell, her granddad? He weren't scared of no coffin dodger and she hadn't called by him that anyway, so maybe she could stick him less than the teachers. Sounded like it, and yeah, if he knew more blokes like Al, no wonder. Fuck it, he weren't sorry 'bout spitting and he didn't have to be, 'cause she'd done the same back before he could even blink. So there. All Fraze could do now was hold her serious gaze.* I ain't never. I only say what I mean, nothin' else. And I reckon I like you, now. Kid. *He added the last word with a cheeky grin, doing the best impression of his ma's voice that he could, which by his own reckoning was pure decent. He'd practiced a lot, like, to make Joe and the younger 'uns laugh. He hoped she would too, fingers crossed. Every grin of hers made him do it too, if he realised or nah, but the boy felt this one, how it kept growing when she was grosser than him. He looked down at her hand when it touched him, small as fuck, but really strong against his chest. He wanted to put his own on top of it, or something, for a sec, 'til he blinked the moment away. Don't be stupid, he told himself, as quick. Why would Katie want that? Why did he? He forced himself to look away, blushing, a bit. Fucking hell. This was the most embarrassing thing that'd happened all day. He shrugged hard, pretending it was that easy to get past it. His voice, only his own again, steady and loud.* Yeah. You comin' to the cafe then? Bea: *Her face hurt from how big she was beaming but she didn't mind none, didn't even care how much she was showing all her cards right now, 'cos he had first so that made it alright for her as well. It was nice, different, but still nice. She really hoped he meant it and they could have some more fun, get in some more trouble. It'd make her days a bit less shit, she'd have less time to think about when she had to go 'Home'. No sense worrying 'bout it whilst she weren't there, couldn't be, HAD to be in School. It'd be ace if they could be kinda mates. Bea even let the 'Kid' slide because it was funny how much he could make himself sound like his Mum, she laughed, able to see the funny side when the woman herself weren't the one saying it at her. She felt him tense up under her fist, she didn't know why but instinctively dropped it back to her side, feeling bad she'd made him feel bad, though she didn't get it. Not like he was afraid of her, like he thought she was gonna thump him, surely? Maybe he thought she was gross? She let it slide, as well, knowing he'd only get dead moody if she tried to ask, (she would've too so), walking further on in the direction of the cafe. It was her turn to tense up. She wanted to. Even though his Mum and Brother would be there too, she really did want to stay with him, keep having a nice time. A lot, actually. But Luce...Bea bit her lip, conflicted. What was ten more minutes? But, how much would she enjoy them when she knew anything could happen in a split second and it was bad enough she had to spend 6 hours every day away from her, not able to keep an eye on Nan, keep her Sister safe.* Will your Mum put my coke in a to-go cup for me? I can't stay long. I have to go look after my baby Sister. Fraze: *She hadn't said nah and that put the smile back on his face, though his face still felt a bit hot from the hand thing and his stomach was doing that twisty shit again 'cause it was ready for her to go running off home and keep him waiting for tomorrow, like. That's what girls did, yeah? He'd seen it on telly and heard it from the lads at the park, both couldn't be wrong. No way. So she was different and he was lucky. And today was a good day where this girl kept being boss. End of. He weren't gonna ask why. Alright, maybe later when she had properly gone and he was in bed, trying to sleep, but not now. While they could, Fraze intended on having as much fun as they could. It weren't like he'd forgotten that he needed to impress her too for everything she'd already done. Easy it'd be 'cause they had ages before it was time to go pick the others up and head home. All he had to do was think of something that she'd reckon was 'worthy' again. He weren't no thicko, he'd get it done. Somehow. He was about to open the door, holding it open for Katie this time, when he worked out that she'd stopped. He hung back with her, waiting for the reason. It weren't the one he expected, 'bout getting in trouble for staying out or feeling sick from so many sweets and he blinked for what felt like the hundred millionth time that day. What? He looked at her confused.* Can't your nan or grandda do that? But yeah, she will. 'Course. Anything for one of my mates, like. Bea: *Any potential annoyance at him not getting it was assuaged by him calling her his mate. It felt good, on the inside, it was her turn to go pink, facing away so he couldn't see it, that and her stupid big smile. She weren't even arsed about all the kids at School who wouldn't be her friend, because they clearly didn't know shit, why'd she wanna be friends with idiots like that? And she reckoned him the same before but he was showing he was different now, somehow, even if she hadn't totally pinned down how, yet. It didn't matter, if they were mates, she'd have time to work him out, she was smart enough. Easy. She shrugged, being casual with it as she walked in the cafe, like it weren't the big deal it was.* ... Sure, but she makes me help her. *Rolling her eyes at him all 'adults, yeah?', making it as relatable as she could, like, come on, get it and drop it quick.* Fraze: *He nodded, pulling a face of his own 'cause his ma was like that, on at him if he told Tommo to fuck off even though he weren't the one being annoying in the first place. So what if that was his little brother's first words? He'd fit right in then, yeah? You're welcome, like. He could answer the door for 'em next time armed with that and all the pointing he did. The grimace turned realer then, he'd only said the stuff in his head but Fraze just couldn't joke about that shit. Never. It made him scared and weren't having that ever, but especially now, with her. He nodded at his ma as they walked in, exaggeratedly as he made his fingers into a gun and put it to his head, miming dead for a sec after, to show Katie he knew exactly what she meant and 'course it was the same for him. He pulled out a chair for the girl at the table Joe was sat at, homework book already out, the one next to empty seat he was gonna take though. It didn't take long after they'd sat down for his ma to come over too and he told her quickly what they both wanted so she'd go again. He'd been embarrassed enough by her, knowing she'd ruffle his hair again on her way past to piss him off. It was fucking worse, she told him that they had to share 'cause she weren't 'made of money' even when he basically shouted back at her that Katie had to leave soon, trying his best to barter for the cup deal. FUCKING HELL. It was this table's turn for a kick and his to get pulled up by his collar so his ma could 'have a quiet word in his ear'. The whole cafe knew what she was really saying. His fists clenched as he went, no chance of calming down as he stared back at the two of them left at the table.* Bea: *Bea watched the whole performance from start to finish, mix of amusement and curiosity, sat passively on her chosen-for-her chair, opposite Fraze's Brother, who sat as passive. More. He wasn't even slightly interested, it seemed, barely looking up when voices were raised, tables kicked and his Brother dragged off. She got it. Your normal's your normal, no matter how unlike anyone else's it might be. God, she got it. The things she knew were bad that she didn't bat an eyelid at now, blinking like her friend had whenever she said something he weren't reckoning on. When him and his Ma were gone out back, she turned to properly study the Brother, Joe, weren't it? You wouldn't pin 'em as Brothers, for a start. He was dark where Fraze was blonde, long hair 'stead of short, shorter than him too even though he was the year above, brown eyes where his were blue, devoid of any freckles when the other boy was entirely covered. Opposites. Again, she got it. She loved her little sister but she was the weirdest looking thing and she was glad she didn't look like that, sorry Luce. The boy, Joe, smiled up at her, bit nervous, she smiled back, apologetically, not meaning to have been staring for that long. She didn't get out her Homework, no intention of doing it, even if she had the time. She sipped on the shared coke, taking the blue straw so Fraze would have to have the pink, smirking. It was a funny taste, but it seemed grown-up. She'd only had coke before now from stealing the dregs other people left in places like McDonalds. Pretending to be with this family or that, she'd never been noticed, good at looking like she belonged somehow. Her friend came back scowling, slumping in his seat dramatically. She pushed the glass over to him, like he had his lunch earlier today, nudging him with her shoulder to say 'Cheer up, mate'.* Fraze: *He was so fucking mad, knowing that his first shot at impressing the girl was gone already and not reckoning on having long for another, if she was even still there when he got back. Joe could make her wanna leave by being west in his own way if their ma didn't. He should've taken her someone else, somewhere pure cool, like the park, but he didn't reckon it until now, while he was meant to be listening to his telling off. Forget that shit though, it was always the same bollocks over and over, them reckoning he should do what they never did themselves. His ma and da weren't calm. Joe weren't, still as he sat. So why should he listen? It was stupid. Yeah, alright his ma didn't have loads of spends but neither did Katie and look at all the sweets he'd got. She coulda stretched to another coke to make him look boss too, if she'd wanted. But nah, she wanted to keep him a baby. Fraze didn't make a sound, dared not 'cause it'd make her keep him here longer away from his brother and mate, but he grimaced through every sec. Couldn't not, like. 'Til his ma started saying stuff he didn't expect, questions about Katie which made his eyes widen (again). There weren't much else he could give her, answers wise, all he knew 'bout this girl really was that she had a baby sister too, dead parents and lived with her grandparents (he didn't have any to compare to, 'course but they sounded annoying) He weren't gonna tell anyone 'bout Al, he'd promised and there weren't anything to say even if he hadn't. It was more of a feeling he had, not words and thoughts. How was he meant to explain that? If there'd been no promise, or he was a snitch, his ma still weren't giving him chance, talking and talking herself. The only question out of loads that he did answer was when she asked him if they nicked the sweets she'd already clocked him having. He didn't want her thinking Katie was a dipper when she weren't and he definitely didn't want to be marched back into that bloke's shop and made to give 'em all back. No fucking way, tah. He waited for her to kick off or call him a liar ('cause it weren't the proper truth, leaving Al out the picture) but his ma just let him go back to the table with one of her looks ('cept not exactly, and not the kind he reckoned on getting either). He went, but it didn't feel like winning, even being back with his new friend. He didn't like that look or what it might mean if he brought this girl back to the cafe again.* Bea: *Bea didn't like how it felt now. Dead awkward. She knew his Mum didn't actually like her, yeah, shocker and give a shit, lady, stop staring at me too; but that was seeming to matter more now it wasn't just them two. Probably 'cos she'd got him in trouble with his Mum and he was angry with her now. Shit. She didn't mean to do that, like. Not trying to make and break friends on the same day. Oh well. Guessing she'd leave before she could make it any worse, she got up almost as soon as he was back, leaning over to take a big gulp of the drink as she did.* Thanks for the drink. *She raised her voice loud enough so his Mum would hear too, show she had manners, actually.* See you tomorrow then? Fraze: *Fraze wanted to kill his ma right then and if looks could kill, he would've, without feeling bad, at all, like. As soon as Katie got up, he moved himself, holding onto the sleeve of the coat she hadn't taken off (again) to keep her at the table she'd leaned over for longer, shaking his head.* Don't go yet. *His voice sounded dead weird and he was glad he couldn't see whatever the fuck his face looked like, 'cause he'd only wanna take the piss out of himself and now weren't the time.* We've got loads of homework, like. *He could give a fuck 'bout that, he weren't gonna do it and even if the new girl was, he knew she didn't need his help, miss loved to go on 'bout how proper smart Katie was, but it was the first thing he could think of. Fuck's sake. Maybe he was a thicko. Fingers crossed she'd reckon on what he actually meant and he wouldn't end up more embarrassed that he'd already been today. Worth a shot, yeah?* Bea: *She looked down at her cuff, and his hand attached firmly to it, still, looking back up to his face, resolve softening instantly, seeing how mad he WASN'T at her, just his Mum. Instinctively, she'd drawn her hand up into the coat when he'd made to grab her, but she now had a strong urge to reach down and grab his hand back, to hold it for a while. Her fingers felt itchy from it, but Bea resisted. Booting her dropped bag back under the table, she smiled, sitting down again. Leaning down to get the homework book and a pencil out.* Alright, boff. *She stuck her tongue out at him.* Fraze: *She sat back down next to him and he breathed out hard, but making it the kind of 'oh fuck off' sigh he'd heard both his parents do as he made a face back at her. It quickly turned into a wide grin though, Fraze couldn't help that, his ma was cleaning the other tables, Joe wasn't trying to be matey with his new one (he did shove some sweets his brother's way, just in case he was gonna open his mouth to say something) and she was sticking around. He was made up to take all that. Homework weren't gonna keep him happy, but he reckoned he could think of something else to do with his book if he tried hard. Thinking, the boy blew bubbles in the glass with his straw, biting down hard on the tip when he realised he had a pink one. Tah ma, bet that was you, an' all. He nudged Katie with his elbow, showing her his 'masterpiece' when was done. It didn't take long, it was piss easy to make a flipbook, his ma had shown him and Joe ages ago and it weren't hard to draw a version of their teacher getting a lunch tray dumped over her head by the last page. Not impressive either, but he couldn't raid the cafe kitchen like she had Al's shelves. He weren't doing this to score points anyway, just make her smile. Or maybe laugh, that'd be best.* Bea: *Bea watched him studiously, over his shoulder, uncaringly brazen like, so she could try and work out what exactly he was doing. She laughed happily when he showed her the finished product. It was like a tiny film or something, she had no idea how it worked but she thought it was really clever. Not to mention funny, especially the look he'd drawn on Miss' face.* Cool! Show me how. *She bet Luce would love these. She could make her ones about the dog and the mice, make up stories to go with them...Yeah, that'd be good, she'd think it was like magic, her big brown eyes shining out from her pudgy little face. Fraze obliged, clearly feeling proud to know something she didn't but he was a patient teacher with it too, her tongue poked out in sheer concentration. By the end, she'd drawn Al, slipping on some gumballs and falling straight on his big bum, mop bucket landing on his head to add insult to injury, crying big, fat cartoon tears. She grinned up at her friend, seeing if he liked it, and could tell who the fat, bespectacled old stickman was meant to be. She whispered in his ear, so the other's couldn't hear, the cafe quieting down as they got closer to closing time.* You didn't tell your Mum nothing, did you? Fraze: *She did laugh and it made him feel weird, but not in the bad way he had in the shop or his ma had with her questions. It was like when he was little like Tommo and his da used to chuck him around and flip him upside down, all that kind of shit. When he laughed too, Fraze couldn't get his breath properly, as if he'd run really far and fast, and his face hurt (the same as when he had contests with his boy mates to see how could fit the most food in their gob) 'cause he was grinning so much. It got wider once she asked him to show her how to make a flipbook and again when she had her own go, but he weren't mad. Couldn't be. Honestly, he couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so NOT mad and not only that but happy instead. Happy, even though she was better at drawing than him by miles and normally he hated coming second at anything, announced out loud by somebody or in his own head, like. For a sec he almost told her how good she was, reckoning she'd like to hear it, but before he could, Katie got closer to him than she'd been up 'til now and he forgot any of them words. The upside down feeling was back, 'cause her hair was long and soft and it tickled his cheek when she moved (which should've been annoying but was only confusing 'cause it weren't ) and he knew it smelt nice but not why or what of. He knew too that, like her hand earlier, he wanted to touch it, but again, not why he did. He shook his head firmly no to both things, but couldn't stop himself from reaching to put every strand that'd got him behind her ear where it should be, telling himself it would get in the way of him talking into hers if he didn't.* 'Course not. I promised, didn't I? I always keep 'em. Bea: *She could tell he liked her, for real. She weren't being 'up herself' nor nothing, like everyone reckoned she was; But she couldn't help it when it was THAT obvious, could she? What was she meant to do? Ignore it? Pretend the opposite was true? That was just stupid, if you asked her. Anyway, she liked that it was obvious. Why was it meant to be all sly and secret and make you feel confused and wrong? It was like that with him, with all of them, and that was just... bad. Really bad. She appreciated how easy kids her own age made it. And it felt nice. Good. Nothing weird in it, she was the one in control too, knowing more than all of them always. Some of them didn't even know what it was, the feeling. She reckoned Fraze probably didn't. He didn't like girls, he'd said. He was one of those boys. The footie and fighting and running around being lairy boys. Some boys would play with the girls, preferred it, enjoying all the attention and love they got lavished on them if they were willing to be the Daddy, or worse, much worse, the Doctor. She'd kissed lots of boys under the slide, or in the Wendy House, when the Teachers weren't looking, but ONLY when they were being the Dad. Doctors and Nurses made her skin crawl. It made her wonder if these kids knew him like she knew him, the way they insisted on playing it. Too hands on, too in your face, too...everything. She'd give any boy, or girl for that matter, who came near her with the stupid plastic stethoscope a slap. No, that wasn't even the point right now. Focus on what he was saying, not doing. He's your friend, an actual friend, don't ruin this like you do with all the others who give you the time of day. They weren't going to kiss RIGHT NOW. In front of his Brother and Mum, for God's sake! So stupid. She shook her head, letting more strands of her strawberry blonde hair fall in front of her face, the tight ponytail she did before leaving the house a laughable mess by the end of the day, hair wild and essentially loose. It wasn't like she WANTED him to tuck the rest behind her ears too, nah. She smiled at him, a little breathless, a little pink, to show she weren't shaking her head at him, only herself.* Good. Me too. Fraze: *He smiled but couldn't look back at her at the same time, he needed to take a breath and a drink so he did both. Too fast, nearly knocking the glass of coke properly over. Thank fuck it only wobbled but didn't fall 'cause he was in enough trouble with his ma. Still, he shrugged, acting like even if he didn't mean to be that div, he didn't care that it'd happened. He was Fraze McKenna and he was cool, end of. Especially now she reckoned so too. This girl who weren't like the rest and he'd already told was well boss. He turned back to their homework books, clearing his throat, all 'ahem' like he'd seen loads of adults do before they said something important, like, deciding that now was the time to let her know what he reckoned to her picture of Al. He made his voice standard volume again, hoping his ma would hear it an' all ('cause she could draw or paint anything he'd ever thought up and asked her to do, unlike his da who weren't as decent as Katie, somehow.)* You're dead good at drawing, you know. Bea: *Bea went to steady the glass, grabbing it from him when it didn't fall and he was busy playing it off; taking a huge, gulp, finishing it for them with a grin.* 'Fore you're wearing it, like. *She explained, similarly loud enough for his Mum to hear too, the lady already not reckoning much to her manners as was. She smiled big and proud with the compliment he gave. Usually she didn't really care about approval or compliments or any of that shit from people, like Miss, definitely not from any of them. It was just telling her stuff, about herself, which she already knew? Like, thanks. Saying, well done, YOU'VE impressed ME. But from Fraze, it was I'M impressed by YOU. She didn't know if those things were really any different or if they just felt it, but it was like sunshine.* I just practice a lot really... *It was true. It was quiet, easy to do anywhere, when she couldn't sleep, when she weren't allowed to. And it was almost like being somewhere else when you could focus, see the picture so clearly in your head, put all your energy into trying to make it as real as possible on the page in front of you. .She did it to try and remember too. Where she'd lived before. Mum. Dad. It wasn't good enough to take her back, though. Maybe when she was older and really good, maybe then- No. Never. She shook her head. Invariably thinking about Luce now because that's how it worked, literal trade-off she hadn't asked for. That was mean. She was a baby. This wasn't her fault, she didn't ask for it either, she didn't do anything wrong- but neither did I, Bea thought.* I better get going now. *It probably seemed out of nowhere but it weren't, she'd stayed way longer than she should've, than she meant to. She really did have to leave this time. Running all the way Home, heart already thudding hard into her ribs before starting.* Thanks for lunch again. See ya tomorrow.

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