#i think rise raph is genderfluid and uses he him she her and they them

[phasesofpencils]

My mind is currently fixated on this one brief moment in a tmnt short. The short itself was not that great lol but this one moment will not leave me rn.

The shorts about Donnie making a device that projects human disguises onto them (so they can sneak into April's school and get pizza). But the important detail here is its supposed to project "how they really see themselves."

And when Raph first tries it out he becomes a prom queen until Donnie "fixes" it.

But that 5 seconds are taking up all the space in my brain rn and all i can think of is trans fem Raph.

[temporaryturtlebrainrot]

My fun little headcanons regarding names in TMNT (everything about turtles refers to a situation in which they were pro-mutated/turned human) (all headcanons apply to my works/AUs):

all of Aprils across multiverse have different flowers as middle names; '07 is April Rose, '12 is April Iris, Rise is April Lily, Bay is April Daisy and Mutant Mayhem is April Poppy (others I'm not sure of because I'm not very familiar with them, but I was thinking Dahlia for '03) (obv I'm not really with MM either for now but 1. it was my brother's suggestion and 2. honestly, the vibes are there, I think)

Casey Junior's full name is actually Cassandra as well, because Cass senior would not care for gender norms, especially in the apocalypse. They haven't been going by Cassandra since she died though. (before they both found it hilarious to confuse people with their names and nicknames).

speaking of, his middle name is Raphael (I headcanon that Raph died very shortly before CJ was born)

generally, most Casey's aren't very fond of their middle names, for various reasons; Junior - because it feeld like an expectation of greatness (not that it didn't achieve it, but still), '07 Casey - because the name is old-fashioned and pretentious (Ferdinand), Bay Casey because the turtles clown him for it (John; "boring, basic, straight, white church boy"), '12 Casey because it's too masc for his genderfluid ass and the turtles clown them for it (Nicholas; "saint Nick/Santa Claus") and Ex-Foot Recruit is the exception because she is Trans of Gender™ and chose the name herself (Anne)

even excluding the two Cassandras, not every Casey is actually Casey - some of theirs full names are Cassius (*cough '07 cough*)

if they were to be legally recognized, you'd think most of the turtles would wear the surname Hamato or Splinterson, depending on their Splinter's origin, and you'd be right. but, there are exceptions; Bay turtles use O'Neil, per April's suggestion, due to their pre-mutation history with her family; Rise gang were debating between Hamato and Jitsu, ended up hyphenating and using both; the ones that met Batman had to come up with an excuse for suddenly knowing the Waynes, so after a long and complicated discussion they settled on being Jason's (who at that point was legally un-dead and is a natural ginger (because I have them humanized as gingers, also I'm a ginger!Jason truther)) cousins adopted out and discovered through ancestry or some shit like that, and given that that would mean they had a choice in surnames, everyone ended up with something slightly different: Leo kept to being just Leonardo Hamato, as he was the closest with Splinter, Raph went Raphael Todd just to be annoying, Donnie decided on Donatello Todd-Hamato because they always wanted a hyphenated last name and assuming Todd was their "original" surname, it should go first, and then Mikey choose to be Michelangelo Hamato-Todd, just to finish out the options.

Rise turtles think of their colors as middle name, but because they aren't actual names, they figured they could find something similar in pronunciation, spelling or meaning and thus ended up with: Raph - Reed, Leo - Bloom, Donnie - Violet and Mikey - Orane.

in a multiverse/crossover scenario, Aprils use their middle names, Caseys go long ways to avoid using middle names (they are all thankful for Junior bc that's one less nickname they have to come up with). Donnies collectively refuse to use their full name, which isn't really a problem because there's a lot of nicknames that can come from Donatello, especially if the only person that cares about the designated gender of the name is the transfem; Mikeys also avoid their full name, but unlike Donnies - who do it on principle of Donatello being an artist and not a scientist - they just don't want to make the effort of saying the whole thing. again, not an issue since there's a lot of ways to shorten Michelangelo. unlike those two groups, the Raphs realised the need for full name almost immediately after meeting, because there isn't that much to do with Raphael, and they had to resort to non related nicknames in some cases, and finally, the Leos - also known as the Biggest Trans Conglomeration™, mostly don't care what they're called, as long as it's the right gender, but they don't necessarily struggle with coming up with nicknames - at least not as much as Raphs and Caseys.

on this note, might as well give out the decided on nicknames like it's candy on halloween lmao

2007: Cass, Rose, Leonardo, Raphael, Don, Mike

2012: Case, Iris, Lea, Raph, Dee, Michael

Bayverse: Casey, Daisy, Leo, Rafa, Danni, Mikey

Rise: Cassie, Lily, Nardo, Red, Tello, Angel, Junior

Batverse: Leon, Ra, Donnie, Angelo

that's it, I don't really know why I wrote it all out, goodnight 💚

[dyke-mecha]

😍 👹 for Broken Trifecta & 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ for every turtle in both SheLL and Trifecta if you don't mind? fdhsjdfs hope it's not too much if it is feel free to ignore the second part fgskdfs

Thanks so much for the ask!!! :D

😍 Are there any romances in your au?

RaphMona!! They're queerplatonic and their whole romance basically started out as being each other's sparring partner <3. For Mona, it's a lot about having someone who so fully accepts her as she is and for Raph it's having someone who goes head to head with him and calls him out on bullshit if necessary

Oh technically there's also past Splinter/Shen and Shen/Saki, but that whole thing was a giant mess

👹 Are there yokai/supernaturals in this universe?

I've been thinking about that for a while, but no. No yokai in here. I mean, there's aliens, but nothing like the yokai in rise. (SheLL has some though)

🏳️‍🌈 What is [x]’s sexuality? 🏳️‍⚧️ What is [x]’s gender?

(Some of them only discover their gender/sexuality listed here during the story, so their pronouns etc are gonna change based on what part of it I'm talking about)

Broken Trifecta:

Leo: trans woman (she/her), aspec (she tried to define it more closely, but ended up sticking with simply aspec)

Raph: trans butch lesbian (he/him, with terms like brother being okay when his siblings use them), also demisexual and demiromantic

Mikey: he likes using a ton of microlabels, but as a like, catchall she uses genderfluid (any pronouns), aroace

Donnie: agender (he/they, later he/it), gay

SheLL: (the four original turtles are all ~6, so no sexualities for them yet)

Leo: trans boy (he/him)

Raph: unsure, but prefers they/them (will later go on to use genderqueer)

Donnie: trans girl (she/her)

Mikey: cis boy (any pronouns)

Venus: very aggressively doesn't care about her gender, aromantic lesbian (pronouns she's fine with whatever, usually defaulting to she/her for herself)

Jennika: *static noises*. She's having a bit of a crisis. Eventually gonna settle on bigender (she/he) lesbian though (+ being ace)

[bucketofbugz]

Alr alr

ROTTMNT Pride headcanons then 🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻

Yippee the easy one!!!

I'll do the turtles, the main 3 humans, and Splinter for this but if there are any additional headcanons you want you can ask for them too!

Mikey Mikey is one of those characters who I have kind of a mass of headcanons for I'll accept almost anything for Mikey's gender but for most fics and aus I have him as genderfluid (although I do have a few where I projected too hard and he became pangender like Magic and Masks). Usually I headcanon Mikey as aroace also as a projection thing since I am aroace-spec and heavily kin Mikey! Usually I'll either cycle through pronouns or use he/she for him.

Donnie Donnie is almost always bisexual and genderqueer when it comes to my fics because those are my main two headcanons for him. Although him being gay or aroace do not bug me! Rise Donnie always has he/they pronouns when I write him.

Raph It's probably very clear from every time I post about Rise Raph but I headcanon her as transfeminine (specifically a transgirl, but I think bigender Raph as a concept is cool. Just not my personal headcanon). I also headcanon her as lesbian and you'll see this a lot with the non-men characters because I project onto them. I use she/her exclusively on Raph.

Leo I am not free from headcanoning Leo as gay because-- Look at him. But I also headcanon him as transmasc! usually as a transguy but I also see him using xenogenders. Mostly space-themed ones because I gave him my space special interest.

April I really just don't see her liking men, so I've always headcanoned her as lesbian. I haven't really thought about gender identity for her, though. Personally I see her using she/they pronouns.

Casey (sr) I love Casey sm I think about her too much for someone who barely has her relevant in any of the aus he's currently writing. I see her as someone who doesn't really care about her gender identity or the pronouns that people use simply because she didn't think of it that much in the Foot and why should she have to think about it now? I am jumping on the train that she is a raging Lesbian though because, once again, I am projecting.

Sunita SUNITA!! Literally love Sunita. Always trying to figure out a specific gender identity to give her because I think she's Not Cis but I haven't decided on one. However, like Leo, I think she'd use xenogenders! I feel like it would take her a while to figure out her identity romance-wise, but I think she'd settle on using omnisexual. I've always used she/her for Sunita.

Splinter Personally I see him as cis but I think trans headcanons for him are cool. You can't tell me this man isn't bisexual though.

Sorry this took so long but thanks for letting me ramble!

I wrote this instead of writing my next fic chapter so I really need to get on that.

[ducknotinarow]

Ramble about: Mikey! :D I wanna know all about the sunshine baby ;3; any verse and anything you wanna talk about

| Ramble about my muse

Imma do this where I start on things that apply to all takes of Mikey then more specific stuff for each verse I have. Mostly it'ss just be 2003 and 2012 though since Rise ive talked about so i left him out of his own section and 87 a bit newer so his bit will be the shortest.

Aromatic Pansexual. Mikey dosen't care to much for being in a romantic relationship this dosen't mean he won't he a bit content with his own interests and platonic relationships. It's why he tends to vicariously live and meddle a bit in his brothers/friends relationships.

He attracted to ones good vibes over their gender uwu. Mikey has actually gotten experience under his belt he just dosen’t talk about it. He can keep thinks more casual.

Genderfluid. pronouns? he will actually use any. he/him. They/Them. She/Her.

I have made a few mentions here and there on a few Mikey's being pretty open on their gender in responses. Like how Rise and 2012 both share an interest in painting their nails and their brothers nails or shells if they let him

Mikey dosen't use Labels however. He is just Mikey.

All Mikeys do like to paint their nails but they don't all push it to their brothers. 87/03 go with one color and its mostly just orange. 12/rise will mix it up and sometimes to mutplie colors at a time.

Highly empathic. Mikey is very attuned to others feelings it's why hes the likely the one you wanna meet first out of the four. He dosen't view many as threat which can be both bad and good. SO if Mikey DOSE feel someone can't be trusted it might pay to listen to him.

Has ADHD. Now really only the Rise version has this confirmed but well I always saw the case for 2003 and 2012 and I can see it easily applied to him over all.

Highly admires all his brothers. True to his place as the baby in the family Mikey looks up to his brothers and admires them for who they are. Often trying to emulate them.

Also because of that and his empathy hes highly aware of his older brothers hang ups and struggles. He knows Leo burned of Leader/How hard they are on themself (rise), He knows Raph carries the worlds problems on his shoulders, He knows Donnie sets his self worth into his mind and creations and feels like a failure if he cant fix an issue. Mikey is painfully aware of this all.

It why hes a tad more relaxed and laid back and tries to get them involved in his own antics. Or gets a bit to involved in what they are doing. Yeah hes annoying but its coming from a good place.

Super protective. Sorry to anyone who dates his brothers or takes a liking to them. Will he befriend you and be that siblings that steals his brothers partner away to hang with him? yes he will. But theres a slight motive behind it. He's making sure you good for his brothers and well thats a hard thing to crack to Mikey because of how highly he thinks of them. Even Casey someone he is friends with he has done this with.

That another thing out of all the turtles? Mikey is the one you don't wanna make mad. Sure Raph, Leo and even the rare times Donnie snap is something you wanna avoid but Mikeys worse. He aims to hurt. Last Ronin uwu is a good example or ya know 2012 throwing a whole couch out a window over Leo or Rise Mikey throwing buildings and boats even.

It's stated and shown in many of the shows and comics that Mikey could be one of the greatest ninjas out there, Even rivaling Leo's abilities. I feel last Ronin shows it most. He has often gotten the better of all his brothers when pitted against them at times. Mikey just lacks the drive, focus and motivation at times.

87

Has Severe stage fright, just can not handle the spot light funny enough.

Is a major gift giver for no reason at all. he just sees something and thinks his brothers would like it. Sometimes yeah its just a rock it made him think of them okay

Gets upset if his brothers disguises clash in anyway u-u just cause they live off trash don't mean they have to dress it.

Casey's look is trash but Casey scares him to much to say anything about it.

2003

Having to kill a deal with version of Splinter fucked with him a bit more than he has noticed. He felt guilty about it for months and made sure to be a bit more serious with training for a bit of time.

Loved super heros since his first comic book he ever came across.

His favorites are Captain America, Spider man, Batman and Wonder women.

It's what inspires him to feel he and brothers could do real good for the city. Not just simply hide away they can help people.

Helping others is his biggest goal. Even why he dawned the Turtle Titan persona.

Mikey dose a lot of charity work on his own. Making sure orphanages/foster homes are getting toys and essentials to the kids. Helping their homeless friends out with basics through the year.

What makes Mikey happiest? being useful to others even if he might complain here and there knowing he helped someone? it just feels nice.

2012

Admires Donnie the most of his brothers and is why he often is always in their lab. Also them always being team up as the B team adds to his closeness.

pretty open on his whole gender thing. He’s got a collection of dresses and wigs and such. It’s why he loves those teen magazines.

Loves to paint his brothers shells tends to keep him quite and it's a fun bonding moment for Mikey. At most it's just a small section hell do a small design on. But if they will let him go all out he will uwu

Has a few of online friends that he met from online games, he has actually met in person. Hes worried his brothers would freak out about it. So he kinds of keeps this fact to himself.

[gunpowdville]

The Great Flesh-Eating Cake Incident of Year [REDACTED] (Not to be Confused With the Bifrost Incident)

Chapters: 1/2

Words: 3502

Relationships: Drumbot Brian - Raphaella la Cognizi (queerplatonic), Gunpowder Tim/Lyfrassir Edda/Marius von Raum, The Aurora/Nastya Rasputina (although most don’t show up until the second chapter)

Other Things: genderfluid tim, she/her tim, he/fae marius :)

Summary: Brian and Raph bake a cake. Or, they try to. It doesn't exactly go well. (aka, Why Raphaella la Cognizi Should Never Be Allowed in the Kitchen)

read on ao3 here or read below the cut for people who don't like ao3 (i will post the second chapter. at some point. hopefully soon)

Chapter 1

“Try it now.”

“Is it safe?”

“Does that matter?”

Brian gives her what she calls his teacher look, a combination of calm exasperation and gentle chiding. “I would prefer to not fry myself from the inside out, if I can help it.”

“Boring,” Raphaella accuses, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “And you know I’d fix you if you did.” Well actually, she would get Nastya to fix him, as Raph herself has absolutely no self control when it comes to the prospect of tinkering with a complex mechanism and Brian hates being tinkered on without his permission.

“Yes, of course, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt like hell,” Brian points out. “Not to mention how horrendously it would fuck up my systems.”

Raphaella pouts. “So I installed the flamethrower for nothing?”

Brian hesitates. “...I didn’t say that.”

Raphaella perks up immediately, turning her full attention from the clattered worktable to her partner. Brian straightens up and faces away from her, focusing at the blank wall at one end of the lab. He pokes his tongue around the inside of his mouth a little, probing at the new addition in the back. He tests out flipping its settings, making sure everything flows smoothly, then steels himself and opens his mouth, turning it on. Nothing happens.

Raphaella throws up her hands in exasperation. “I don’t understand! That should have worked! It-”

Brian yelps suddenly, clapping his hands to his throat as the back of it heats up rapidly, too rapidly, the heat growing from gently uncomfortable to unbearable in a matter of seconds. Luckily, his systems react before he can, shutting off the new attachment the second it could cause potential harm. The heat fades almost as quickly as it had swelled.

“Ow,” Brian says mildly.

“That was about to work,” Raphaella huffs, hands on her hips, eyes fixed somewhat accusingly on Brian. “If you had just waited a moment longer.”

“It was about to melt my vocal cords,” Brian points out in retort. Raphaella throws up her hands again.

“My husband is a coward,” she declares to no one in particular, with no actual insult behind it. Brian can’t help but smile softly at the endearment. They’re not married, technically, but for all intents and purposes they might as well be.

“I’ve started to become convinced that you’re simply trying to kill me,” Brian remarks to her as she turns back to the notes on her lab table. She shoots him a brightly malicious look, one backed heavily with fondness. “Maybe I am.”

He sits down on the stool beside the lab table and reaches for her, catching her waist from behind and pulling her onto his lap. She leans back into him as he wraps his arms around her, and he rests his chin on her shoulder so he can peer down at the pages of notes in her hands.

“Here, tell me what I’m doing wrong,” Raphaella holds up the notes so Brian can get a better look at them. He hums thoughtfully as he scans her delicate sketch of his body, each part individually labelled with possible enhancements to be added in Raph’s lacy handwriting. Brian’s own handwriting, cramped and blocky, annotates the science officer’s notes with his own observations of measurements and possible difficulties.

In his mind, Brian overlays the sketch on top of the official schematics the doc left in there, focusing on his throat and the new addition, checking for anywhere where it isn’t wired properly or messing with any of his other systems. Nothing. He bites his lip, a very natural bad habit that he’s never been able to shake, despite it splitting the rubber badly. Raphaella hits him lightly in the side of the head when she notices him doing it.

“I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done,” Brian says finally, leaning back slightly on the stool. “I think it’s simply a matter of too much heat.”

Raphaella ‘hmphs’, taking her notes back from him and setting them back on the table. She turns her head to study Brian’s face, placing her hands atop his where they rest over her stomach. He quirks an eyebrow at her, and she regards him silently. He can tell that she’s thinking through what next to work on, now that their flamethrower experiment is a bust.

He gives her stomach a light pat. “If you don’t mind, I was going to go bake something. Tim’s been complaining that there aren’t enough ‘munchies’ onboard. And yes, that is the word xe used.”

Raphaella slaps a hand to her heart melodramatically, the gesture accompanied by a theatrical gasp. “Leaving me for Tim, are we? Scandal.”

Brian chuckles gently as he rises to his feet, dislodging Raph in the process. “Yes, I’ve decided you’re much too cruel and brutal for me, and I’d be much happier feeding Tim for the rest of eternity.”

Raphaella tosses her hair and turns away from him, crossing her arms over her chest and tilting her chin up imperiously. “Good riddance.”

“Good riddance indeed,” Brian agrees drily, with no heat behind it. Raph glaces over her shoulder at him and grins, and he smiles back as he slips out the lab door, tipping his hat as he goes.

Ivy’s reading at the kitchen counter when he enters. She doesn’t look up as he makes his way into the kitchen proper, wrangling his hair into a wiry ponytail and tossing his hat on the counter. He peeks at the cover of her book and makes an intrigued little noise when he notices it’s about prophets and oracles throughout space and time.

“I was going to give it you when I was finished,” Ivy says without looking up. “I thought it might interest you.”

“It does,” Brian tells her, and she smirks, proud of herself. She still doesn’t take her eyes off the pages. Brian leans over, resting his elbows on the counter, and knocks his forehead briefly against hers, a somewhat awkward sign of affection that’s he’s developed with some members of the crew. She responds by patting his head absentmindedly, still not looking up from her book. He smiles, and turns back to the kitchen.

After a couple minutes of rummaging around in cabinets, Brian becomes aware of Raphaella’s presence leaning against the counter to his left.

“Missed me?” he asks teasingly. She rolls her eyes and pokes him in the arm. “You promised you’d teach me to bake.”

Brian pauses, replaying the last ten minutes in his mind to confirm that he has not, in fact, promised her this. And then he realizes that she’s referring to a time quite a few decades ago, when the two of them had been left back on the ship while the others had been out pillaging a nigh-extinct planet. They’d been sharing some pastries that Brian had been experimenting with, and Raphaella had asked him how he’d made them. He had launched straight into a detailed explanation of exactly which ingredients he had used and what amounts of each, and how he had played with the measurements and tweaked the recipe to see how he could improve it. Raph had listened with utter fascination, and after he had finished she had mentioned that it seemed a bit like her experiments, only with slightly different materials. He had offered to teach her a little, if she’d like, and she had said she would love to learn. And now here they are.

“I did do that, didn’t I,” Brian muses. He studies Raph, leaning against the counter, a sparkle in her eyes that both makes him excited to see what she has in store and fear for his life.

“So?” Raphaella raises an eyebrow. Brian considers.

“We are making a cake,” he tells her, keeping his voice slow, steady, and serious. “A basic cake. We are not going to put anything in it that is not on the ingredients list. We are going to follow the recipe. To the letter. And we are not, I repeat, we are not going to burn down my kitchen.”

My kitchen, Aurora corrects him gently.

“Our kitchen,” he concedes.

Raphaella steps forward and takes Brian’s hands, looking him solemnly in the eyes. “I won’t let you down,” she promises. “Trust me.”

“Phee, I love you to death, and I always will” Brian tells her, lifting her hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it. “But I draw the line at trusting you.”

“Rude,” Raph sniffs, while Ivy tries to cover up a snort.

“Practical,” Brian shoots back, letting go of her hands and reaching past her to pluck the recipe from the counter. With a flourish, he deposits it in her hands. “Find me these ingredients.”

Raphaella mutters something about ‘bossybitch Brian’ as she turns away from him and marches purposefully toward the cupboards. He watches her fondly for a moment, before busying himself gathering pans and setting up his beloved electric mixer, something he’d found being sold for scraps on a junkyard planet and had lovingly repaired and repainted with his own two hands. Its name is Small Brian, and it remains one of his most prized possessions.

“Bri, which eggs are we using?” Raphaella calls to him, her head buried deep in the disorganized fridge. Brian abandons Small Brian for just a moment and pokes his head in beside hers.

“Ah, not those,” he says, indicating a half dozen of jet-black eggs glowing faintly from within. “Those are Ashes’. They will supposedly hatch into a rare breed of fire-breathing corvid.”

“And those?” Raphaella points to the other carton of eggs.

“We’re using those,” Brian confirms, pulling the carton out. “Ah. Wait. Not this one.” Carefully, he removes a small, round, green orb from the carton and places it gently on the counter. “An octokitten laid this. We think.”

Raphaella leans over and picks it up, holding it in the palm of her hand and bringing it up close to her eyes. She looks suspiciously like she’s about to slip it into her pocket, so Brian plucks it from her hands before she gets a chance to. She sticks her tongue out at him. He waves her off to go collect the rest of the ingredients, reminding her that the lovely ceramic pot labeled ‘sugar’ is in fact actually filled with gunpowder, and the sugar is in the cabinet to its right. Meanwhile he goes back to fussing over Small Brian.

The mixer isn’t starting up properly, it keeps stuttering and stopping whenever he tries to turn it on. Brian frowns, tapping the top of it with a metal finger. “Come on, love,” he says softly to Small Brian. “Don’t give up on me now. Not after all we’ve been through.”

“Raph,” Ivy speaks up from her place at the counter, her tone amused. “Brian’s talking to the appliances again.”

“If either of you make a joke comparing me to an appliance, I will kill you,” Brian warns both of them placidly, fiddling with Small Brian’s mechanisms until the machine whines and starts up properly. “Good lad,” Brian says, patting the appliance lovingly.

“I saw that,” he adds when he catches the look Ivy and Raphaella share over the counter. Raphaella rolls her eyes and gestures to him to come approve the ingredients she’s gathered. She hooks her arm through his and tips her head onto his shoulder while he checks each one off against the recipe.

“Excellent, that’s everything. Thank you.” he says, kissing her on the top of the head. “ Now we can begin.”

Raphaella, as always, is a very attentive student, listening well and asking questions when necessary. He suspects that she asks some of the questions just to listen to him talk about something he loves, and he adores her for it. They work very well together, the two of them, bantering back and forth as they do. Ivy chimes in on occasion, never taking her eyes off of her book.

Jonny strolls into the kitchen at one point, zeroing in on the chocolate chips scattered across the counter with a predator’s precision. As soon as he spots the first mate, Brian sweeps a knife into his hand and points it at him. “Out.”

Jonny backs away, throwing his hands up in surrender. He’s been killed enough times over messing around in the kitchen that he knows by now that the best thing to do is back off.

All in all, it’s a shockingly peaceful time. Brian hums to himself as he stirs ingredients together, and Raphaella goes through the cupboards, looking for something to play with. She reaches to open one in the back, and Brian notices too late which one it is. Raphaella stops, tilting her head in curiosity as she stares at the contents of the cupboard.

“Oh, Briiiiiiiiaaan?” she calls in a singsong voice, which is usually a sign that Brian is about to either be taken apart or assist in taking apart someone else. “What is this?”

Brian sighs and sets down the bowl, making his way slowly over to her. She raises an eyebrow at him as he gazes silently for a moment at the dismantled skeleton shoved into the back of the cupboard. “Those… are my bones.”

“Your… bones.”

“My bones.”

“Why…?”

Brian shrugs. “It’s not like I’m using them.”

“Right.” Raphaella studies the skeleton for a moment longer, before declaring, “I’m going to make soup out of them.”

Brian starts. “I’m sorry?”

“Your bones. I’m going to make soup out of them.”

“You are not.”

“Bone broth is a thing, isn’t it? Ivy?”

“It is,” Ivy confirms, casually turning a page.

Raphaella grins, gathering the bones into her arms. “Brian soup.”

“Brian s- no!”

“Brian soup Brian soup Brian soup Brian soup-”

“NO.”

“I thought the doc took your bones,” Ivy mentions, as Brian attempts to gently cajole his partner into giving him back said bones.

“I asked her to let me keep some of them,” Brian explains, tugging a rib out of Raph’s arms and dislodging about three more, which clatter to the floor unceremoniously. “They are mine, after all.”

“It’s unusually sentimental of me, I know,” he adds as Raphaella ducks under his arm, executing a perfect twirl to get the bones out of his reach, “I’m not quite sure why I wanted them.”

“For soup,” Raphaella quips, and Ivy snorts as Brian throws himself at the science officer. Raph yelps and scrambles away from him, and so begins an epic chase around the kitchen, Raph struggling to run away while clutching an armful of bones, the owner of said bones following a step behind her, playfully angry.

Brian doesn’t realize he’s started humming to himself until Raphaella turns to face him, jogging backwards, and asks what song it is.

“It’s a new one I’m working on,” he says, using her moment of distraction as an opportunity to trap her in the kitchen, the wraparound counter devoid of exits besides the one that he is currently standing in front of. “It’s called ‘Raphaella Please Don’t Make Soup Out of My Bones.’”

“I hate it,” Raphaella decides, still backing away. She’s almost hit the counter, and Brian smirks at his inevitable victory.

“You’ve barely heard it,” he argues, and begins humming louder. Raphaella’s back hits the counter, and Brian stops. Standing in the middle of the kitchen, he begins tapping his foot along to the tune.

“Oh, no you don’t,” Raphaella starts, but the other foot has already begun to move as well. Just tapping at first, tap tap tapping to a beat in Brian’s head, but the footwork quickly becomes more and more complicated as he eases into the song. Ivy picks it up quickly and starts tapping her fingers on the counter, taking charge of the beat while Brian continues humming the melody.

Raphaella shakes her head, refusing to let his shenanigans charm her, but Brian refuses to give up. He dances his way smoothly across the floor to her, finishing with an elegant twirl and an extended hand. Raphaella regards him with reluctant defeat, then rolls her eyes and takes Brian’s hand.

He waltzes her out into the middle of the floor, two steps forward, one step back. He spins her out, then spins her back in so they’re swaying with her back pressed to his chest. “You’re a master manipulator, you know,” she says to him. He smiles. She twirls him out, then twirls him back in and dips him, effortlessly holding up his mass of metal.

“I don’t remember this step of the cake recipe,” Ivy comments drily. She’s finally looking up from her book and is watching the two of them with an expression that is equal parts exasperated and amused.

“Which step, the bone soup or the dancing?” Brian returns, just as dry. Ivy is saved from having to respond by the arrival of Marius, who comes striding through the door like an invading general, arms spread wide in greeting.

“Well, if it isn’t my three favorite delinquents,” fae says, grinning like a maniac. “Dancing in the kitchen like- wait. Why is Raph in the kitchen?”

“I’m helping,” Raph says proudly, tossing her hair over her shoulder in a decidedly smug fashion as Brian collects his bones and returns them to their cupboard. “How can we help you?”

Marius pulls up a stool and takes a seat next to Ivy, scanning the pages of her book idly. “Tim stole my partner.”

“To be fair, Tim is also dating your partner,” Brian points out, handing the bowl of cake batter to Raph to finish stirring and put in the oven.

“Sure, but she’s being smug about it. So I’m pouting,” Marius replies, metal fingers tapping on the counter. “Oh, also: Tim wanted me to tell you. She/her for the time being.”

Brian nods, taking note of the pronouns. “Well, when you feel like speaking to Tim again, you can tell her that a cake is on its way.”

Marius raises an eyebrow. “You mean that cake that Raph just slipped something into behind your back?”

Honestly, Brian is surprised that this didn’t happen earlier. Slowly, he turns to Raphaella, who meets his eyes with a mischievous smirk as she slips an empty vial back into her pocket.

“What was in that?” he asks gently, not mad, just curious.

“Just a little something I whipped up,” Raphaella says, giving the batter an experimental stir. An odd squelching noise escapes from the bowl, and she quickly lets go of the wooden spoon as a dark tendril of… something curls up around it, possessive and hungry. “Oh. That’s interesting.”

“What the fuck was that?” Marius leans forward over the counter, curiosity evident on faer features.

Raphaella sets the bowl carefully on the floor and steps away from it, circling around it to Brian’s side. He gives her a questioning look, and she shrugs cheerfully, indicating that she has no idea whatsoever the effect of whatever she put in may be. With somewhat tired resignation, Brian steps forward to investigate what has become of his simple chocolate cake.

It’s… alive. The dark, viscous substance in the bowl has begun to writhe and bubble in a distinctively sentient manner, tendrils forming reaching out, looking to grab hold of something. The tendrils feel their way around tentatively, like a newborn animal learning to walk for the first time. The substance itself has an oddly familiar shimmer to it, the nearly oil-black surface revealing colors of every hue and nature when the light hits it.

“That looks like…” Marius frowns, clambering over the counter and dropping next to Brian as what was meant to be a cake slowly drags itself out of the bowl and onto the floor. “Oh, Raph, you didn’t!”

“Don’t touch it,” Brian advises as Marius crouches near the thing to get a better look.

Marius gives the Drumbot a scathing look. “I’m not a moron, Brian, I’m not going to-”

“Mare, get back,” Brian snaps, but it’s too late. The crawling blob has already reached the violinists foot and has clamped on tightly, wrapping its tentacles up and around his leg. He stares down at it in mild concern for a moment, then says: “Fuck.”

What happens next is hard to describe. The viscous thing sort of… stretches itself, until it covers Marius’ entire body, undulating and pulsing, then collapses in on itself, returning to its smaller form, leaving nothing but a slightly steaming metal arm left where the ship’s doctor once stood.

“What the hell did you do?” Brian demands, staring at the (now slightly larger) creation as it drags its way across the floor.

Raphaella doesn’t respond. “I think it ate faer,” she says instead. Then, “where is it going?”

Brian glances at the floor just in time to see the thing disappear into the vents. He lets out a cry, but it is much to late. It’s gone.

“Well,” Ivy says, staring with vague concern at the open vent. “Fuck.”