#i think this is the second time ive talked abt them but they are my little adorable demons | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

puppyeared · 10 months

Text

doodles of my fav sillies

anton belongs to @poicyss

#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it #im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3 #im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow #homemade comfort blorbos......#watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks #or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands #i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks #its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days #i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside #cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine #AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached #i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right #on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands #and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits!#i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly #the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking #maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol #myart #my art #my oc #oc #friend oc #augusta #anton #vincent #sillies family #doodles

444 notes · View notes

faaun · 1 month

Text

ok let's catch up quickly

#so i went on a few dates w this guy. long hair beautiful face kinda looked like a girl (good) said yes ma'am when i told him to do smth #(also good) film student great at photography including candids. made a sheath of leather for a sword pin i have . et cetera.#he asked to cuddle and i was like iggg and then i felt Nothing and i was like ohhh yh ok ok yep lesbian #like he meets almost all my criteria but. yeahhh no . also at the end of that date he had some weird takes. anyway broke up w him and told #him actually im p sure im a lesbian (again) and he was like yk thats the second time this has happened to me this week but its ok bc ive #fallen for this girl from berlin. and then we cooked together. anyway . met a beautiful butch lowk in love w her. weve been on (1) date.#have two exams in a few days havent studied enough going to like end it all basically. my research partner kicked me off our research #(expected(it was always skinda sketchy)) which was devastating + it happened in a lidl 15 hours into a journey from bordeaux #to go back to the UK. my friends were kinda busy paying for baguettes but also they heard this whole exchange and are kinda mad at him #my friend of 10+ years is coming over in a few days. my evil ex situationship person that i decided to stay friends w because i kept #insisting they are a good friend and not evil and also extremely beautiful? turns out shockingly enough they were evil. tried to fix them #and then i realised due to their entire friendship group being ppl like me (Every Single One of their friends are ppl they met on dating #apps then led on then dumped and proposed staying friends w) and are collectively extremely attracted to them and not over them they #keep validating the most diabolical shit they say/do to hace a chance w them. they broke up w their ex and the way they keep leading #this poor girl on and making her heartbeeak worse and saying that they want more power over her and want her to beg for them back etc...MY #JAW HAD DROPPED esp bc i didnt even know the ex was in the picture BECAUSE ME AND ONE OF OUR FRIENDS (that they also dated) HAD JUSR SLEPT #NAKED TOGETHER IN THEIR BED W THEM. GIRL. anyway that is the least of the diabolical stuff they said but no we are moving onnn #this was b4 the beautiful butch btw. anyways . i have a mitski concert tmrw i think?? idek anymore #i used to have a crush on this guy very briefly and then it disappeared and then i realised if he fundementally changed everything abt #himself then maybe id like him but ofc i didnt tell him that but i still think abt it sometimes but anyway thats irrelevant now bc 99% sure #even if he did id still not find him attractive (lesbianism). please recommend good overnight moisturisers btw i have super dry skin #right. the friend of 10 yrs. we had a hard convo abt why she essentially bullied me in year 8 and it made me highly bitter but i also love #her and ik things are diff now its been like . Many Years . and shes going to stay a while I HAVE TWO EXAMS I DONT HAVE TIME but i love her #its fine. i think i might just switch into medicine and do the whole become a neurosurgeon thing (which was my plan B) bc plan A is looking #kinda impossible rn. I WANNA TALK MORE ABT WHAT THE EX SITUATIONSHIP PERSON SAID but i wont bc i dont wanna be too mean but also . MY GOD #i had a conversation w a philosopher friend about whether i have a moral responsibility to try to fix them bc unleashing this on society #feels wrong and he said 'probably but...run' so yeah im not talking to them atm. second date w beautiful butch on monday btw IDK WHAT TO #WEAR. she said she likes fems. im just gonna wear the shortest ralph lauren skirt i have w the cute leg warmers and hope 4 the best #its 1:15 AM im abt to drink coffee and start studying bc what the FUCK man. also almost finished watching the boys its very good #one of my best friends is struggling rn it is breaking my heart i want to take the burden from her i miss her very much

16 notes · View notes

munamania · 5 months

Text

also ok maybe had a weird little freak moment yesterday :/ i was with lydia and needed to eat my godawful shitass sushi before going to the library so anyway who do i spot but the roommate with some random guy naturally and im like lydia pause i need to be a stalker but so casually for just like a sec. (this is in a downstairs like cafe/hallway/elevators area) so i stall and then we go to check for a free room to sit in and when there r ppl in it we just go back near the cafe area and theyre over in this little. alcove. of a sitting area. lounging. and im so normal and rlly naturally glanced over a couple times hoping to god the guy didnt see me cause luckily roommate was faced away. anyway. but lydias screenaging it up so im just sitting there awkwardly. and i have to walk past them at one point to get soy sauce to drown the sushi in and maybe that made me look like a weird little stalker too. well again this is if the guy even knows who i am and prob not so whatever its like fine. but like yeah and then i def saw them getting up and then on the elevator to leave so i think my skittish little creature tendencies scared off the vibe from across the room even... and i didnt just wave like a normal person bc i wasnt sure they saw me but we've spotted each other at much greater distances there's simply no way. i was treating them like what the kids call an 'opp' kinda... me when im an anxious little beast...

#and me when i type up a long paragraph abt like nothing happening! <3 #um. and i am overthinking and in my defense. ill lament one more time. HAVENT HAD MY ANXIETY MEDS IN DAYS. so plz be nice..#and lydia joked abt how i was a little weird. which i was. but now im like fuckkkkk man we're never hanging out again...#they also went back to like one of my stories theyd seen this morning so its like wowwwwww so youre literally obsessed w me..#anyway. still being so strong and leaving it to them to make a rain check plan if they wanna. and if not thats so hashtag chill #also ive barely seen sam this week which is like nice but i found out they last second saw the eclipse together #and again not that i think i would come up or w/e but i did have sam off my close friends for a while bc he was stressing me out. yk.#and im not sure if um... that would have become evident... doesnt actually matter who gaf #but yeah also naturally hes seeing one of the coolest most beautiful talented creative etc girls in the film major rn #on top of his little fuck buddy. and im not being a bitter little incel abt the fact that hes got bitches and i dont.#bc its like. whatever. too much going on rn to have bitches. tho ill stick to my guns in saying some good sex could fix me a little #yayyyy i love talking #abby talks

7 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months

Text

...

#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated

8 notes · View notes

randygrim · 9 months

Text

Birdies :]

#sorry the picture is a bit shit. they dont like me being close to them w/o treats / if its not bed time #if i dont have them out for 3 hours a day minimum then they throw many tantrums #also bedtime isnt strictly when its like 7pm. just whenever they start getting tired (usually after 4 hours of being out)#they start like hunkering down around the 5 hour mark #so i gots to put them away around 5 hrs so they dont fall asleep outside their cages #if they do fall asleep then they get scared as shit when i try to wake them #they live in seperate cages cuz they get super pissed at eachother at night #and one of them has a bad foot so he cant just hopp to another spot in the cage real fast #so yeah! seperate cages for sleepy times but they hang out a ton otherwise #i love me bords :]#i think this is the second time ive talked abt them but they are my little adorable demons #randy rambles

9 notes · View notes

pepprs · 1 year

Text

last few hours in boston :(

#purrs #conference tag #we literally just got here and now we have to go 😭💔 i havent rly felt as enriched by this conference as i have in the past (though there’s #still 2 more sessions to go to incl the closing plenary and we’re getting lunch in the station before the train ride home) but ive walked #around so much and have spent time with people i love and some people i miss. and have been on adventures i have been looking forward to for #a rly long time though i am kinda bummed i never made it down to fanueil square. but… idk what happiness feels like anymore but maybe for me #it’s just absence of misery and despair. or contented ness. i have gotten a little triggered from time to time these last few days and ive b #been lonely in my hotel room but MAN it has been nice to not be miserable and suffering and to take walks and to not go to every session (ev #even though i do feel bad abt it like i missed 2 plenaries and an afternoon concurrent session which is more than i usually miss) and to #be in this city which feels so much like brighton and so uncity like in some ways. it’s so charming and omg i went to harvard and it was #NOTHING like what i imagined it to be / feel like.. just a quaint artsy quirky town. and the rest of the places ive been have been like that #too. and people LIVE here every day!!!!! there’s a big beautiful world here both above ground and below!!!! and im gonna be late to #breakfast but… i just feel nourished and healed in a way i wasn’t expecting to. I haven’t been this far away from home in 3+ years and #it’s just been really nice being somewhere else and going on adventures and seeing things surviving. i miss my grandparents a lot and im sad #to not be visiting them and to be unable to visit them now lol but it’s just rly nice and special being here. im goingto miss it so much and #im trying to savor every second. i wish we had one more day here and im a little sad to be going home lol #* what i meant when talking about happiness earlier is that i think… i have been happy these last few days. for the first time in a really #really long one. and that’s nice. it’s good to be happy again. and good to be here

13 notes · View notes

toastsnaffler · 9 months

Text

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man #i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks #and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig #even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them-#better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them #like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it #hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders #for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee #the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want #me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so!#anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too #its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh #we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its #kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way #im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily #cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction #its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things #for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a #want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them #and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎#i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay.#.vent

3 notes · View notes

silverislander · 9 months

Text

i have a weird relationship w the way i look bc on the one hand luckily i don't have very bad dysphoria, i don't get it abt a lot of stuff and it's not smth that's constant either i'm very lucky that way. but also. i know that w my body and my face and my voice i am never going to look a way that makes other people perceive me as what i am and that feels. really bad. but also i don't deserve to feel bad abt that bc i have features that are conventionally attractive. but also i hate them

#its not even that i want to change myself for the most part. its that i wish i could change how other people read those parts of me #the only thing i wish i could change is my chest and having periods and thats partially bc its inconvenient #almost everything else is habitual. clothes/hair/the way i walk and move/etc #but just. the second people hear me talk they read me as a woman and it makes me want to fucking scream #and i have a v round 'feminine' face so like. its that x2. i get read as a teenage girl all the fucking time #and i like those things abt myself!! i like my voice and the way i look #i wish people just. wouldnt assume at all. i wish i could fucking confuse them actually i wish they couldnt tell anything #as a kid i read a lot of 'girl dresses as a boy to do xyz' and i always loved those stories #not bc i /wanted to be/ a boy (trust me ive fuckin questioned that lmao) but bc like. the freedom to pick and move around between #being able to get people to recognize you as what you want to be. being both and neither and smth else entirely #hell i still get a lot of euphoria from confusing people honestly. i cant meaningfully be misgendered bc youre either right or funny #idk! idk. its a very first world problem i know but im never going to be seen as the me that exists inside my head #and i think im allowed to be a little sad abt it #levi.txt

2 notes · View notes

vampyrluver · 10 months

Text

I love my brothers so much i want to protect them all wasaaa

#.txt #i love my parents but i think they r harsh nd mean nd not self aware at all #my parents dont believe they were strict growing up #but my moms the same one who took my phone away for a while year bc i was depressed #my parents r the same ppl who didnt lwt me do anytbing growing up #i literally didnt ask them to do anything bc ik they wpuld say no #i was so paranoid in highschool i couldnt even enjoy my free periods without thinking id get in trouble from my dad #my parents are now being rly strict nd harsh to my youngest brother #nd im doing all i can to support him but its also hard bc the fee times i disagree w my parents they get mad #so ive leanred to keep my mouth shut nd talk to my brother privately about my support for him #u kno how messed up it is tht i cant side w my brother in front of my parents #i have a lot of trauma from my parents nd ive done A LOT to better myself so it makes me feel so bad seeing the same things happen to my bro #nd my other brother he is literally the poster child for traumatized kid nd its insane to me how my parents dont see it #he moved out the second he could nd hasnt been living back here since #my parents stress abt like oh why does he hate us blah blah blah its bc u guys r not nice 😭😭😭#like how r u not self aware omg kids turn out a certain way bc of the ppl who raised them come onnnnnnnn

4 notes · View notes

nomaishuttle · 11 months

Text

sry im like willing myself to get up and brush my teeth and all that but im literally like Maybe i should finally actually listen to tbi. as in the bifrost incident not traumatic brain injury which it would be insane if there was a mechs album named traumatic brain injury.

#i legit never listened to it idk why i think i got scared n then yk and blah blah blah and yada yada and my granny died and yeah.so yeah #basically i need 2 listen and also i sort of just need to listen to every mechs album bc idk that ive fully listened to either of the ttbt.#<- i know a few of the stand outs but i havent fully listened basically.... and i miss the mechs so bad rn its crazy. i think they would #killing eachother over mild disagreements #i say that like its a hc im pretty sure thats canon i think its awesome. if iiii was an immortal space pirate whos only exists #to power the narrative and i was on a ship with like 7 other immortal space pirates who only exist to power the narrative.#well 1 me and those guys would be having the most insane sex possible crazy shit guns would ABSOLUTELY be involved we would #be fucking in the airlock opening the doors just for laffs itd be fucking wild shit. second of all yes wed kill eachother at least once a #day r u crazy andf itd be awesome. id make a to do list of every single death i could imagine and id do each at least 10 times and itd be #crazy !! wah wah immortality 1. seems fun 2. they die eventually 3. legit whenever they want they can just kill themselves and not exist fo #an hour tell me that isnt my dream world i dare you.#also ik ive exclusively talked abt the crew members which is kind of one of my pet peeves bc they legit arent the focus #but im nostalgic for them and rest assured the albums make me craaaaazyyy #mdni #minors dni #sorry i forgot what i said about the guns and whatnot #nsft #a2t #covering all the bases here

1 note · View note

faaun · 2 years

Text

they r soooo. anyway

#lol um anyway . i kissed them for the first time yesterday but it literally feels like a yr ago but it also feels like today #on a bridge at night against a cityscape. river looked like a painting...etc it was nice . and then. yh theres a lot to talk abt #so i dont wanna say it all rn bc im tired but yeah. they r . sooo. pretty cool etc etc. whatever im fine im just . angry that i dont get to #see them that often bc they live in a diff city etc. also took them to a spot which usually is like . relatively busy bc london is busy all #the time but it was cold and it was at night so there were like 0 people there. the view was so good but other things were better #also kissing smn w a vertical labret is actually just >>>#lol en ee way i miss them #im soo overwhelmed w life rn and theyre not rly helping but like. in a good way #i told my friend to lmk if he notices that im becomjng too engaged w romance to the point where im neglecting academics #and he immidiately said it. like according to him im thinking abt her too much when i should be thinkint abt philosophy too much #which is like. idk if that's true bc ik he has a rly skewed perspective bf he kind of swore off datint #etc but at the same time . wbat if hes right. omg. but also let me have this Moment #that was last week when i was forcefully taken to manchester by a university society . like we hadnt even kissed yet #i fell asleep bc ive been so exhausted and when i woke up i realised they briefly appeared in a dream i had #and then i started tearing up out of Fear bc like . whenever ive lost smn i loved the dreams were the worst #like . good dreams. were horrible. and now its like what if this turns out horrible ? but i dont wanna self sabotage bc i rly rly rly like #them . i gave them a rose and on the train home i could stop staring at their hands holding the rose #and i know theyve liked me for months and i know theyve been waiting for months but somehow its still like #what if it just fades. whatever happens happens ig. i took them a leaf compressed in a poetry book from #a book shop we found on our second date tgth. they gave me a necklace w a small vial and a tiny flower inside #its so pretty. thinking abt the way they put it on me + when they wrapped their arms around me when i was cooking for them etc etc #im FINE its FINE its OKAY . whatever !!!!!#[chroma blue]

11 notes · View notes

arolesbianism · 2 months

Text

I've been passively watching an isat playthrough while twiddling my thumbs in my current oni save as I wait for my new power systems to be done and hey guys. I think one of these bitches is aromantic. Why did no one tell me one of these bitches is aromantic I would have played the game myself if I knew that

#rat rambles #ok tbf I still theoretically Could but I dont think Id survive playing through the like first 6 hours of the stuff Ive already seen #anyways current review is that it's rly well written so far and I like how well the worldbuilding is implemented naturally in the dialogue #having odile be a presumably anthropologist or smth along those lines does wonders for this ofc but even with that its amazing how #natural the party feels when discussing their different cultures #and ofc I am staring at mirabelle hard. this game is clearly not shying away in the slightest from queer topics so. blinks oh so sweetly #I am sooooo fucking desperate for canonically aro characters who are actually written to be aro if she talks abt it at all I Will cry #honestly real con of this is that its making me conceptualize an eternal gales au which is not what I should be thinking abt this early #also its a problem because Im pretty dead set on the idea that aris would be sif and that means tali is off limits #which is unfortunate because I think itd be funny to make her mirabelle on the sole basis of her maybe being aro #otherwise the assignments are pretty easy even if some of them would be looser fits than others based on my current knowledge #mase would be odile fydd would be bonnie and sier would be iz #for mira Im thinking if I wanted to get funky with it then maybe bloom? it doesnt effect sier too much since I can just make it so his mom #was the one frozen in time or smth #now bloom is rly only in the running because of the leftover human kids shes somehow the best choice despite being 9 years old lol #dodie is off the table since I try to practice restraint when using dodie in aus #and the snake triplets are well. the snake triplets.#they have about a billion things that makes them hard to fit into any au #now I could use a stalien instead but thats a Really hard choice for me to make given the rest of the selected cast #plus none of them actually fit that much better than bloom would tbh?#like to be clear basically the only thing keeping bloom from being an easy pick is that shes 9 #like I could just do it anyways but I should probably wait a lil bit to make sure mira doesnt pull out some crazy shit to change my mind #based on what I do know the only one thats rly a bit of a stretch is sier but Im ok with that I can just slap a different character arc in #rly most fucked up thing abt this cast is that aris our sif is second tallest #which feels deeply wrong to me especially once you consider the hat #her siouette is going to be all fucked up and different from sif's shes going to be so big compared to them #shes not even That tall shes like 5'8 thats just tall compared to most of her companions #in canon shes the third tallest of the friend group and second tallest not counting dodie #so its mase then her and in this hypothetical au the rest of the garden gnome squad #sier is 5'1 fydd is 5 flat and bloom is 4'9 if Im remembering correctly

0 notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

Text

...

#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i #shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and #i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but #like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure.#whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i #should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh.#i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i #do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18 #days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno #how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do #something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do #i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its #like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be #miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do?#try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can #tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends?#id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st #roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can #never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated #unrelated

5 notes · View notes

be-good-to-bugs · 6 months

Text

maybe i WILL get to move back home

#the bin #i talked to my mom and things might go ok but idk #i just have to wait and see but i desperately hope i can move. i need to see a doctor so bad. my whole body feels horrible all the time #and my tooth has gotten so much worse. i can deal with it if thres an end date. i cant deal with it indefinitely. and i cant afford to get #it fixed without insurance. i would rather die than deal with this shit for another however long i have to i CAN NOT do that #esp bc i would need to go to work while experiencing it. idk. im shaky literally ALL the time and my insides alwyas hurt and my joints #hurt so much too. and half the time im at work my chest hurts and i cant see straight. i cant fuckin do this anymorew.#apparently my dad might be getting a new job so their landlord might be more willing to renew but idk. she said she should know on april 1st #which isnt that far away but idk. i mean. its not impossible theyll renew. who knows. i hope so.#i know at keast thst i have a way to get there if there is a place for me to live so thats good. my health cant take this anymore. and im #also not able to emotionally. idk what other option i have but. god. its hard enough as is. im having like a perpetual panic attack since i #found out i probs wont get to move. im tryna be optimistic. i dont think im physically capable of staying here any longer #it was hard enough to stay herenthis extra yearm ive been having breakdowns repeatedly over it. and my physical health keeps worsening #i miss my little sister. i wanna be able to see the people i care about. theres so few people in the world i enjoy being around and i dont #get to see them ever. instead i have to see my second least favorite person in the world in order to even just get groceries #hhhh. i want the time to pass so i can know for sure but i also desperately dont wnat it to cause im so scared itll be bad news #whatever. i will hope and believe that itll work out until i know that it wont. hhhhh. worst case scenario i guess ill just have to save up #and figure out moving there later on but like. i was really happy to NOT have to worry abt rent or working so i could focus on my health and #then i could go back that that stuff. oh well

0 notes

gemharvest · 10 months

Text

Anyways also feeling kinda down that I haven't worked on owed in a bit & that today I was supposed to start back up but kinda. Didn't get anything done.

Just kinda really feeling drained lately and idk how much of this is because I just got done with being sick/ being on my period back-to-back and whatnot and I really want to be creative but then when I try everything Just Sucks. I'm very thankful I didn't have to go in this past Wednesday, and that I do not work again until next Wednesday as long as I am not called off then too (or as long as the other kennel person doesn't need covered ig), because maybe it'll give me the time to get my energy back without having to worry about doing shit.

#ramblings #were getting closer and closer to the end of the year and like.#idk i just do not feel like ive been doing anything #ive been doing stuff but its not what i wanted it to be like. my mom and i still havent worked out taking comms #so i still have not been able to take any and i dont think we will be able to work this shit out until after the holidays #idk. someones over tonight so i dont wanna bother but i might try talking to her abt it. to see if we can at least work out a day #when we can get things sorted out. because i really want to take commissions so i can have more income than a part-time job #<- without having to take on a second job/ quit the job i have now for a fulltime one #also as we get closer to a new year im filled with dread abt having to do college. even if i just do online classes i wont lie to you ive #liked the freedom ive had not dealing with school. i know i need some kinda education so i can try and find a reliable job #but its just. the last time i was in school it got me to a really bad place mentally and i just dont wanna deal with that again #sorry. i just wanna think out loud abt this stuff rn i guess #havent rlly talked abt this with anyone. theres only so much my friends can do bc the majority of them i can only talk to online #and idk how well my family would understand. especially my parents. without scolding me for like. loathing school and shit

1 note · View note

blueslight · 2 years

Text

Im in such a weirdly shit mood today i feel so sad and isolated and BORED out of my motherfucking mind and I just feel like asssss

#Like i literally have NOTHING to do #and i got really sad earlier thinking about how i dont feel comfortable in my extended friend group anymore . and like idk ive been #questioning stuff lately like my morals and stuff and my values #and like thinking about graduating exhausts me cuz on one hand like . prom. i dont wanna go like genuinely i wouldnt have any more fun than #i can have at home but at the same.time i guess a part of me is sad .? that i dont wanna go to prom and that ill miss out maybe #and same w all social stufff basically like I genuinely dont think i enjoy large social gatherings but also i cant tell for 100% sure yk #and a part of me IS sad that i cant have a normal teen experience #but mostly that like. i cant relate to anyone really. It feels like the divide between me and people just keeps growing the more #-i stop faking things and masking and stuff #but i cant tell if the way i feel abt some stuff is morallly alright . for example a someone in our friend group hangs out with people that #make racist jokes. and I sorta judge him for it CUZ i thinm its lacking a moral.backbone. but at thw same time maybe its weird of me to #think thar way and worse maybe its hypocritical cuz like. for example i listen to bands that have done some shitty stuff (only to a certain #degree of course like i have my boundaries) and i think the like hypercritical 'cancek culture' sort of mindset is stupid and unhealthy #and like you shouldn't be expected to only associate with morally perfect thimgs. but also i dont think you should be friends with shitty #people cuz thats different yk.. but everyone is so tied to each other in a way i wont ever understand #and like maybe its just easy for me to say cuz i dont have much experienxe w stuff like that‚ maybe i just think you can #cut people.off if theyre too shitty cuz ive never really been in that Situation #but like if my friend made a racist joke or something i would at least talk to them yk??#but idk I hate being in morally challenging situations bc i have a very ig unreliable moral compass and insanely low empatthy . so i #always have to second guess myself and i guess i have to re-sort my priorities. cuz i care about people feelinf safe around me but it #leads to me resenting myself when i DO judge people and i really really dont wanna be overly negativr but i also dont wanna keep like #supressing everything ....#idk i just want my peace but something always comes up. and i dont understand other people and lately it just feels like the giant divide #between me and other people and esp the other teenagers has been growijg so hard #and my two best friends are the only people where i feeo like we speak the same mental language and stuff #but one of them has zero backbone and would never have my back ever cuz shes just too scared and the other one is similarly socially lost #like me #and i feel like idk any expectations/wishes i got towards other people are morally bad of me cuz it feels like i need to know better #like i judge myself for being hurt that my one friend doesnt defend me against anyone when they say bad stuff but like i know shes just #too scared. and yet

0 notes