#i understand why it could've rubbed u the wrong way

[luveline]

So your drunk reader and Spencer fic? Maybe one with Hotch but reader has had something important going on and had called Hotch previously over it, but this was just a super sappy drunk call during an important case but Hotch can never not answer if he technically can talk for just a moment?

thank u for ur request! fem!reader

"I just can't understand how he can be two places at once," Derek says, infuriated. 

Hotch has a thousand possibilities racing through his head. "He can't be," he says, "so we have to work out what else is happening."

"It's him," Emily says. "Same clothes, same face. And it can't be an evil twin–" 

JJ groans, rubbing her eye with the heel of her hand and leaning forward into the conference table they're all sitting at. "I actually like the evil twin theory for this one." 

Hotch's phone vibrates in his pocket. He needs to focus —he can't focus. You've been so heartbreakingly lonely while all of this has been happening, and he loves you, but they have three missing girls to find. 

Time is ticking downward. He's never going to make any headway if he knows you need him on the other side of the phone.

"Just answer it," Rossi says quietly. "Reid's gonna crack it any second now. You have a duty to more than work, my friend." 

Hotch catches it before it goes off. Standing, he buttons his suit jacket again and makes for the door. When it closes, he talks in a measured tone. "Honey," he says, "are you alright?" 

"I'm okay," you say, immediate and bubbly. 

You sound okay, he thinks. "Did you hear anything else from the doctor?" 

"Aaron," you say, a number of emotions in your tone, but mostly love, "they don't call on Sundays, and they never call after six anyways." 

"It's later for you," he remembers.

"I'm so sick of doctors and worrying and worrying about doctors, now I'm worrying about you, did you have to go? 'Cus I know you had to go, but I wish you could've just stayed home. I have this weird bruise I want you to look at–" 

"Hold on. Nothing's wrong?" 

"You're not here. That is so, so wrong." You hiccup. "Woah." 

Hotch blinks to himself, a smile on his lips for the first time in days. "Sweetheart, have you been drinking?" 

"Just what was left of the wine." 

"You mean the one we got last week? That we haven't opened?" 

"Yes." You sound serious. He can imagine your tipsy face, solemnly nodding with eyes wide open.

"Where are you? Still at my apartment?" 

"Is that okay?" 

Hotch closes his eyes. "That's perfect. I don't have to worry about you as long as I know where you are. You haven't taken any painkillers, of course." 

"I'm not silly." 

"That's up for debate. I… I'm glad you're in a good mood, it's good to relax, but no more wine, okay? You'll make yourself sick, and I won't be there to take care of you in the morning." 

"Don't remind me!" Another hiccup. "I think I should've been a special agent, mister Hotchner, so I could come with you all these places and not have to miss you. I love you. I love your face and your hands and the way you always squeeze my hip in the morning when you wake me up." Your forlorn sigh is clear despite the distance. "Do you love me?" 

"Very much, Y/N." 

"I love you. I really didn't mean to drink so much but it actually tasted nicer the more I did." 

"That's how it goes."

"I try to not be disgusting when we have wine together but you weren't here, 'n' I thought I could get sloshed without feeling bad." 

"Why would you feel bad?" he asks, bemused. 

"'Cus you'd have to take care of me, and you take care of everyone. All the time." 

"I like taking care of people. I love taking care of you. You realise that I'd love to take care of you 'sloshed'?" he asks. He can be very honest here, knowing you probably won't remember the entirety of your conversation, but you'll recall how you felt. Well, if you don't get nauseous. "I love looking after you no matter what's wrong. I'm only sorry I can't do it as much as you deserve." 

"You're sorry? That's dumb." 

"Maybe it is." 

"Definitely it is, Aaron. You're way too handsome to bother being sorry." 

Maybe twenty years ago. "In that case, you can stop saying sorry to me altogether." Hotch pauses as a knock rattles the glass behind him. Derek stands on the other side, pointing at Spencer, whose lips are moving a hundred miles an hour. Their smartest member saves the day again. "Honey, I have to go. I'm sorry. I wish I could be with you, you know that? But I really have to go." 

"This is impressive for us, actually, we had like four whole minutes. Bye, handsome, have a good time at camp." 

He snorts. "Bye." 

Hotch takes a split second to collect himself. Your hurting, your drunkenness, your open love for him and the obvious if slurred affection you speak with, he puts everything away and gets ready to do his job. If he does it well enough, he could be home in time to rub your forehead through the hangover. 

[slashingdisneypasta]

Cruella De Vil x AFAB!Assistant!Reader || Smexcerpt

Plot: You find out what your dumbass co-worker has been doing to further her career- you decide to take a leaf outta that book.

Warnings: Smuty. Employer/Employee. References to pussy eating. Unedited.

Imagine walking up to Cruella De Vil's office to hand in some of the designers' works for her to review, all enclosed in a pretty leather-bound folder with straps to tie it closed, and when you approach the door you hear...

Well. Noises.

Immediately your eyes widen, like, oh fuck is that?-

Moaning!??

And what the h e l l is that... wet sound??

The door is ajar. Casey, Cruella's other assistant, was always sloppy about things like that- you did not understand why that whiny little bint got all the good tasks. Going to fancy parties and shows with the Mega Bitch while you stayed in the office doing paperwork. Going through the designs with the Mega Bitch while you got them coffee and dinner orders-- even though she s u c k s at her job!! You are objectively way better, you have the eye just like Cruella does and the confidence to speak up to her. All the designs that Cruella ends up picking, you pointed out. All the outfits Cruella wears so successfully to those events and shows?? YOU PUT THEM TOGETHER!-

... But now, peaking and seeing what's inside the Mega Bitches office- you finally get why.

Your mouth falls open, seeing Casey on her knees under the huge folder Cruella's flipping through- and between her legs. The moans are from her, Casey, and the wet noises??

Those are coming directly from your bosses cunt.

... God. Damn., you think, eyes wide and partly outraged.

If that's what it takes you certainly could've fucken done that!! And better, too. If Casey licked pussy as bad as she did everything else but where a skirt, you knew you could do it better.

Holy shit-

~

The next day you get yourself totally worked up in the bathroom during your break, right before Casey's; ever-so-slowly rubbing your clit between your folds, over your underwear. You got your pussy unbelievably drippy- and you did it thinkinh about the Mega Bitch, your horrible boss, Cruella. Who woulda thought?

Then you slipped off your stockings, sent Casey for her break, grabbed the designs you forgot to hand in yesterday due to the boiling hot career outrage (and, alright, lust- ) with shaky hands, and headed confidently (Determindly) to Cruella's office.

Knock knock, "Ma'am? I have those designs."

She doesnt even look up from her paperwork, speaking surprisingly coherently around the cigerette stick tucked between her molars. "Mhm, you know where they should go Y/N. Hurry up and put them there and get out- I need a coffee. Now."

"Right." Awkwardly, you set them down in the organiser tub labelled designs. When you don't leave after that, instead hovering at her desk (nervous, and unbearably horny), Cruella rolls her eyes, groans, and straightens up with an irritated gait.

"?? Coffee?? Now?? Where bloodywell is it!?" She snaps, such a familiar tone to you. Hopefully that will change, after this, you think with an eye roll.

With that thought, enough to push you forward, you carefully rest your hands on the desk; Leaning down and speaking lowly to the woman. "... Look. I saw what you had Little Miss Short Skirt doing in here, yesterday."

If you expected Cruella to be surprised, ashamed, or flustered in any sense, you were wrong. Good thing you weren't expecting that. Not out of her- you've been her assistant long enough to k n o w the bitch. In the face of your revelation, Cruella just raises an undaunted eyebrow. "... so?"

"I think you and I both know I'd, uh, how should I put this?... perform that particular task, better." Feeling the heat still throbbing inside your underwear, you go on. "And- and I want to."

"... you do?" Cruella sounds deadpanned and uncertain; disbelieving. After a second, she rolls her eyes and goes on, looking back down at her work. You're losing her. "Y/N, I thought you were a serious girl. You took your career seriously. I know that, and so-- that's how I've been treating you. You have potential, don't squander it."

She thinks you have potential?!! She wouldn't say it if she didn't believe it, so- Then how bloody come she's been giving you all the g r u n t work!????-

You know what? Whatever. Keep calm, keep going.

"I won't. I would never." You admit. It's true- you wouldn't do anything to jeopardise your future (Fashion is everything to you and you will make it in the industry.), but you would do anything to make it. "... that's why I'm doing this."

Then you slip down to your knees on the floor, creeping under the table and between the older womans thighs.

It's funny, you've known her so well for so long (as her assistant) it feels half natural to be doing this finally. Like it was building up to this, your lips on her glistening cunt; Your tongue inside her.

It's evident she feels the same, because its no time before her clawed fingers dig into your hair, scraping against your scalp, dragging you deeper against her pussy.

[bwaveq]

Ask: do u do ..request? Just some reassuring vash and wolfwood if u want like the reader is really down if u want of course - @sweetchildcloud

Tw: swearing, mentions of s*ucide, panic attacks(?), drinking, death

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Vash

• Vash hated seeing you in such low spirits especially if you weren't fond of showing it. You've told him before how you felt about expressing emotions in front of others, but when it was around him you felt scared. Not only was it embarrassing, but it was also scary to find out how'd he treat the situation. You know he means no harm, you just weren't sure what he'd say.

Walking with slow strokes of steps along the sandy dunes the suns from above were no help to your situation. You felt lost seeming to comfort yourself you slowly wrap your arms around your torso, as the slow drags of your feet stagger holding back a sob in your dry parched throat.

You couldn't understand how hard you tried, why were you acting this way? Was it the guilt you held not being able to save those hopeful kid's back from the town you and your group were walking a distance from? The priceless faces those children held knowing that they were finally going to live a fulfilling life, for them to pass away by the hands of your enemy.

How could you do this. You could never forgive yourself for what you've done. You could've done something, you could've prevented this from happening. What is wrong with you?? You're nothing but a walking sorry excuse. The light from their eyes draining within second's on their little beds of wool, hands cold to the touch as they were murdered in cold blood.

Knees hitting the soft pools of sand below you, choked out broken sobs were nothing but cracked yells of agony. It's too much to bare if only i could've done something to save those kids.

Everything seemed to be muffled as nothing were to be heard but screams and gasp's, your heart felt like it was going to shatter your head throbbing as you continued to scream. Bloodied hands hitting the sand below you, your forehead pressed itself upon the searing crushed rocks of warmth. Yelling out never ending apologies to nothing but the sand underneath your faltering figure.

"Im so sorry! Forgi—ve me!!!"

I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault

I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault

I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault

I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fault I'ts all your fau-

Sudden rushed steps were to be heard coming towards you not bothering to look up as the thoughts grew louder and louder the grip you hold onto your shirt was tight enough to tear it, only if it were paper. Screaming out apologies Vash clashes onto his knees in front of you to embrace your shaking form, cradling your head close to his chest with a hand securely holding the back.

"Hey! Hey! You're ok, it's ok!" Voice filled with reassurance and panic not sure what's happening he continues holding you in a tight but gentle hold as the other's look back to witness what's going on deciding to keep their space, faces filled with empathy.

" I killed them!! I killed them all!!" Sucking in gasps of air only for it to be blown back out with sob's the blonde cradles your form, fleshy fingers rubbing along the top of your back trying to bring comfort.

"Nono! You didn't, it's not your fault please do not blame yourself. You're ok everything's ok i promise!"

"How ca—n everything be ok??! H—OW?!" The wave of panic courses throughout your body as you try to push the male in front of you away, but to no avail you couldn't. His grip on you only tightening not to where he could harm you, but just to where he could hold you securely.

"Please believe me, it's not your fault..you did everything in your power to protect those kids! And i'd say you did a great job! Even..even though they're no longer with us..im sure of it they appreciated your care and presence.  You did nothing wrong so please do not blame it on yourself.. it was amazing enough for them to have that sort of experience...before they passed..i know how you feel and i understand your pain. They're in a better place now, those kids are now running around without a care in the world, they're safe. They're in good hands now.."

Taking in those word's you couldn't understand it, but the gentle tips of fingers grazing along your back brung you away from harmful thought's. Breath's still ragged it still was difficult to get it under control,

That was when Vash decided to take your cheek gently into his cold metallic hand. Even though the metal felt cold within a touch it still made you warm.

"Look at me, focus on me and only me. Breathe with me slowly.." You were forced to look at his face, you couldn't pull away even if you tried, because he wouldn't want you to take this on with yourself so with moments of reassurance & short breath's your breathing became slower and calmer as time went by.

Hands grabbing onto your own they lead your hands against his chest, feeling the beats of his drumming heart made your racing heart slow. Knowing that a beating heart was right in front of you, you have never felt calmer. Chest rising and falling his breath faintly brushes against your forehead as he guides you through these steps, baby blue eyes peering deep into your tired ones.

"There we go..one more time, hm?"

1..2..3 inhale

4..5..6 exhale

7..8..9 inhale

10..11..12 exhale

You felt calm, calmer than ever before you felt as if everything around you disappeared. No more pain, no more guilt. It's as if this person in front of you casted a spell. Feeling an urge to hug the blonde you slowly remove your hands from his chest pulling a confused expression from the other. that is until your hands rest against his back, arm's wrapping themselves around His figure.

No words were said as the wind started, blowing a faint breeze past the two of you the blonde's face molding into one of adoration & empathy, gently hugging you back with his chin resting against the crown of your head. Words rolling off his tongue in a soft spoken manner.

Maybe expressing your emotions isn't so bad.

Wolfwood

• It was a cheerful night at the nearby diner, drunkards laughing and clinking glasses yelling with joy. Yet, you were sitting in the farthest corner away from everyone else alone with alcoholic bottles some knocked over and spilt.

The lights above you dimmed as a show decided to come on where a woman came out with a stunning black dress that hugged her figure snuggly, you didn't bother sparing her a glance but you knew how beautiful she was when all of the attention was on her. Silence throughout the crowd the lady began singing into a microphone her voice silky like honey.

Your mind wondered, eyeing the glass bottles of alcohol taking one in your hand as you down the bottle. Not even a second went by before the beverage was swiped out of your hand, you were about to protest when an all too familiar figure stood in front of your table. Pitch black sun glasses, black suit, cig nestled between roughened lips, along with raven black hair.

"I knew i'd find you here, Needle Noggin was right for once."

Slowly blinking you'd stare at the male knowing it was Wolfwood, watching him take a swig of the alcoholic drink face quickly retorting to one of disgust.

"Eugh! Is this straight vodka? Hm.. who knew you drank this stuff."

"Haha..i thought it was obvious..i drank this stuff." In an drunken state your words were slurred as the male in front of you threw you a look, brow raised he lowers his sunglasses to get a better look at you throwing out a "sheesh." While examining you over.

"Looks like someone drank more than they can handle,  now when i realize it something is bothering you. You've never drank so much before ."

Pulling the seat out from underneath the round table, he places the cross he carried in against the wood walls setting himself down arm slung over the back of the chair, his leg resting over his other knee. You never knew how it felt like to deal with your emotions, for when these moments of lows you'd run away searching for anything to get rid of these feelings. Only for them to return stronger than ever.

"Mm i'd..like to think you're wrong, i drink all of the time. You just don't..don't see it." Sitting up in your chair the room starts to spin as you began to falter over the table only to be caught by a hand, looking up to see it came from Wolfwood. throwing you a concerned look he stands up from his seat continuing to hold you up, pressing your body weight onto his arm.

"I'd say your ways in drinking is unhealthy.. lets get ya home sweetheart."

"You can't talk..the way you smoke cigarettes right after another is unhealthy.."

"Fair."

Hoisting you up from off of his arm he swiftly catches you with his other beginning to reach his hand over to his weapon, called the punisher. You wondered how many people he has killed, whether they were innocent or not. You knew you couldn't say anything, it's not like you were any different.

Leaving the glass bottles upon the table, you had attempted picking one up for the road. Not sparing you a chance nicolas simply tugged you along making your drunken gaze meet the back of his head.

You stumbled as he walked along through the crowd with a hand pulling on yours, you felt warm simply fanning yourself with a wobbly hand as your eye caught sight of the singing woman before. It seemed as if everything was 10x brighter than it was when you stepped in this shabby diner, you shielded your eyes by looking down at your feet the man in front of you never letting go of your warm calloused hand.

Outside held a dark sky with the moons shining brightly down towards the quiet town, it was a beautiful night. The only error about it was the fact the air was humid. You stumbled on your feet vision giving out from time to time wondering how long you've been in that bar.

Before you knew it a hand rested lightly against the low of your back, as another hand grabbed your own seeming as if Wolfwood was examining it. You caught a glimpse of disappointment through his sunglasses while the other was taking in your bruised beat up hands.

"Im not here to hear your pity..or your lectures."

Glancing up at the black haired other you retrieve your hand from out of the male's grasp, he didn't seem to mind as you stood there on un even feet. In this situation the sand below your shoes wasn't helping either making you slowly crouch down stumblingly placing your bottom upon the sand letting out a deep sigh.

"I could've helped myself out of there..there was no point looking for me— ughh im—nso dizzy."

"What made you drink that much? Even as you said it earlier, you've never drank this much unless something happened."

Here we go, people butting into your business as if its their right to know. You simply shot him a lazy glare whilst still sitting on the ground, you weren't looking to argue or yell at Nicolas.

" it's really nothing Wood.. now if you'd excuse me this'll be...be my spot for toni—ght.." you really weren't looking forward to discussing anything right now, the thought of breaking down in front of Nicolas was not on your to do list. With groggy eyes you could only keep your gaze on the others golden brown shoes, noticing they weren't going to be moving a single inch.

"Leave me here. Go back to wherever you've walked..from."

"You sound mad"

"Maybe i am—so-swhat."

Silence fills your ears as neither of you continued the conversation. Knowing Wolfwood wouldn't be leaving anytime soon a sigh left your dry lips as you lazily place a hand underneath your chin to support it from underneath. An elbow resting upon your crossed legs gaze never leaving the ground.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"..What."

"So what's botherin ya?, im not leaving until i get an answer out of those lips of yours." Lighting up a cigarette before sitting down in front of you, the undertaker looked at you with an expression that was telling you to go on. Even if you wanted to you just couldn't, you always saw your problems doable and that you could deal with them yourself. It felt like hours sitting there with Nicolas staring at you with his lit cigarette occasionally blowing puffs of smoke away from your person.

"...Mm i guess im just not my—self.. i can't really keep my..my emotions un—der control anymore."

As if on cue you could see tiny water droplets fall onto your leg, looking up to see where it might've came from the sky looked clearer than ever. Stars littered along the dark skies of never ending space it reminded you of how mysterious life and earth could be. You guess you've never had the time to look beyond of what you saw, you were just drowning in sorrow and rage that your sight was limited from the things around you.

Oh how sad you felt feeling a lump in your throat your nostrils beginning to sting, you now noticed where those water droplets came from. You were crying without knowing it. With slow movements you covered your eyes as if to not let the other see.

"I think im just tired.. that these emotions will slide in a minute and that i'd b—e back to my usual self, I'm really not getting why you're wasting your time on someone pathetic. You should really l—eave."

Voice wavering you couldn't help the sobs that were escaping your mouth you felt your heart skip a beat as you cried, hunching over in your criss cross form.

"Maybe..maybe if i were to leave, i wouldn't be in so much pain. I wouldn't have to be sitting here suffering, i feel as if my emotions or problems don't matter but for some reason you're here wanting to know why im feeling off. It's so confusing!?

You make me so mad, that you're willing to sit here and listen to what i have to say. It's frustrating! Every time im here at this bar you always find me in the same corner every single night. Drinking away my sins only to throw them back up, i don't understand you. Neither do i understand myself, im such a bad person why're you always following me around??? I can't go a day without feeling so worthless, so helpless, so..so useless! But i can't say anything because my problems aren't as bad as others. I feel so guilty about feeling the way i feel i can't stand it at all!!!"

At this point you didn't care if your voice cracked, or the way it wavered. Your tears covered your vision as you were just hunching over more and more, trying to rub at your eyes as if wiping them away would make them disappear.

You wanted to be happy, you wanted to smile away your fears, you're so sick of having emotions. It was all too much for you. Nicolas only listened to what you had to say, not a single interruption in mind. He understood you so well. How you felt, how much guilt you carry. It was all too familiar.

"Having emotions is what makes you human, whether you agree or disagree there isn't any hiding from the truth. Life is mysterious and a shit load of confusing but that's how it is in order for you to understand what it's like, I'm not speaking as if i've roamed this planet for 100+ years. I know someone who has, but that's off topic. Everyone around you has at least been through moments like these more than once, they can't help it, neither can you.

Sometimes it's better to have emotions than none at all, what you want to be a robot or somethin? Go right ahead. No one's stoppin ya."

Putting out the crumpled cigarette he finds you slowly lifting your head upwards staring right at him with soaked cheeks, reaching out a hand to wipe away the excess salty tears he smiles. A real one while looking at you who's lost for words eyes producing more tears, but one's of being heard.

" You got a lot of confidence to be showin your emotion's, in front of others ya know. Not showing emotions is for the weak, even though i can't really say anything i mean the truth. Crying, laughing, yelling.

Those are sign's of emotions, and in my opinion those are cool as hell."

"Pfft...you're so stupid.." chuckling you look down a slight moment to wipe and rub at your eyes the black haired male smirking with amusement.

"Anything for you, the reason i run into you every single night here at the diner is not because im looking for you, im just trying to prove my point i can pull people everywhere i go to make em jealous." Rolling your eyes you just scoff at the man who laughs pulling out a sucker for you and himself.

"Mm as if you didn't imply you were looking for me."

"Hmm? When did i say that i think you're hearing things, might need to get those ears of yours checked!"

Feeling the weight on your eyes increase you look around to find it's only the two of you, glancing over back at Nicolas he throws out a grunt while standing up to his feet. Not before he gives you a sucker, which is seemingly your favorite flavor.

"Thank you Nicolas.."

"No problem, that'll be 20,000 double dollars as both your therapist and your caretaker."

"..Now wait a second—"

Not letting you finish what you have to say he suddenly scoops you up into his arms starting to carry your still drunk self over his shoulder.

"I can walk on my own you know."

"I doubt that, and i hope you know you're spending the night at my place~"

"Mm..mk it's not like i have a place to call home anyway."

Laughing with a sucker in his mouth he carries you and his machine gun with a sly smirk on his face, you could only sigh as you popped the flavored sucker into your mouth instantly spitting it out.

"Are you serious, i hate that flavor..!"

"Oops, that was my last one."

"Whatever."

——————————————————

A/N: im done.. IM FINALLY DONE!!! YES 3190 WORDS I'VE NEVER WROTE SO MUCH IN MY LIFE💯💯🔥🔥

I hope y'all enjoy this one im kinda nervous on what y'all have to say😅 and tbh i think i wrote more on Wolfwood's than i did Vash idk though, im not reading through them again☠️

[sehodreamsthoughts]

lmaoo thank u baby i am completely normal though dw (no i am not)

also i didn’t wanna like double text but in response to what u posted about on ur main blog.. i’m glad ur not going to be tolerating hate, it pains me to see when ppl get shit on when they don’t deserve it whatsoever.. i was going to say in one of my previous messages too that entitled asks or anon hate almost always rub me the wrong way that the person sending them are a minor and if not, well they still shouldn’t be reading fics because that’s not appropriate behaviour… ik we’re writing n talking about some wild stuff but still… have some class.

i’ve been wanting to start my blog for a while but ppl are just so weird and/or judgmental on here (or in general irl) and so it just always deters me when i see ppl misbehaving lol… but i think if i did receive hate i would go about it as u do. block, and delete because i don’t want stuff like that preserved on my blog.. i understanding shaming ppl for their inappropriate asks but i think i would personally just not wanna give ppl a platform. i believe ppl send asks like that for attention too or because they get off on conflict.. weirdass behaviour.

so, long story short i support u and i’m so sorry u have received any negative asks at all because u don’t deserve that and ppl are awful, but u seem like a strong, smart person but still, u shouldn’t have to deal with that and i’m sorry that you’ve had to.

- 🥟 anon

"Strong smart person" baby I don't know about that since I'm totally a crybaby but thank you 😭🩷

To be honest when I just started my blog I did answer a couple of hate asks but then I was pretty weird out by them, like okay you don't like it then just block me???? And I totally think the same, the people sending useless hate asks are definitely kids or or people that get off to conflict, but my time (everyone's) is so precious I simply started ignoring and deleting. I don't particularly feel hurt by those messages since I know what I do doesn't hurt anyone in real life, I put tw and I'm careful to not trigger anyone so I feel I do enough for them 🤷‍♀️, if they don't want to read they don't have to, and if they do is not my problem at all so 🫏🫏🫏

I never blocked that much unless I really dislike the person, and I was honest when I said I didn't care who read my blog or not, but letting children do it is absolutely something I won't ever support, and blank blogs never were a big deal to me until I saw someone do a weird question in my comments that only could've been done by one so there's when I realized "oh, these could be underage..." and god, the idea of them reading my stuff just... No, it doesn't sit well with me at all 🤢

Thank you baby for supporting me tho 🩷, in the end I guess I also didn't care since I saw that there were other people like you that actually liked what I did so for me that was more than enough to just keep going.

Oh, and I still think you should make your blog but of course it's totally your own decision 😭, you should do what makes you feel comfortable in the end! In my case I started my blog just because I was bored and had done an Anton fic when the power was off in my district (third world country ✨), and then I just kept going??? 😭, I never gave it much thought to what having a blog would involve 💀. I've been a small blog for a long time, before at most I would receive one ask per week and talked to only one person in DMS (I still remember them even if they're not that much in Tumblr anymore). I never thought I would suddenly gain more followers one day? (Not like I have a million, but I appreciate the little I have) and even more I never expected to have met so many good people like my moots and my wife and anons like you that make me happy whenever I see my inbox, I guess I'm focused more on the positive side and that's also why I seem like kind of a pushover when I suggest you to have your blog but that's just me too so 😅👩‍🦯

[striddums]

I'm mostly concerned on you reblogging posts that silence abuse victims and overlook how they feel just because you guys want to ship your yaois. Please reread the one post you reblogged. I understand your happiness for bakudeku (idc for bnha so idk the discourse behind it) but a post telling people to get over their personal feelings as abuse victims JUST so they can leave u guys to ship ur yaoiz alone is. So Fucked Up. Also OP of that post is a fujoshi who says "antis" unironically

are you talking about this post?

i’m not sure if you are but if so i don’t really get where u got the ‘silencing’ part from…? they seem very respectful towards abuse victims, telling them their feelings are valid and important. saying they’re definitely never obliged to forgive their past abusers and stuff like that, and absolutely NOT telling people to “get over their personal feelings”! the only point they’re trying to make is that it’s not right for someone to attack others for liking a ship that they project their past on… cause those characters are not them

and that’s the thing - no one is saying people can’t be uncomfortable with the ship for their own personal reasons. heck, no one is even saying u can’t outright hate it for whatever reason u have! the problem lies with how vicious some people can truly act towards others in this fandom for liking a certain ship… outright attacking them and stuff. it’s not nice

that’s what the OP meant and what my reasoning behind reblogging it was - sorry if it came off as wrong. i never want to make light of or belittle the feelings of people who have suffered from abuse, or still are. their feelings & problems are so much more important than an anime; a work of fiction. all we’re saying is that those two things aren’t directly linked, so we’d prefer if people stopped acting as if they are.it’s not about diminishing a persons feelings and past experiences so we can “ship our yaoiz”, it’s pointing out that those two things should be kept separate.

katsudeku is a very controversional and delicate ship so there’s a LOT of discourse around it. like a lot a lot - i’ve never been a fan of a couple that made me feel like walking on egg shells quite as much as this one, haha! so i understand if you saw that one post as an outsider it might rub you the wrong way, wondering why people would throw abuse victims into this, but it’s all part of a very long debate that’s been going on on tumblr since before i even joined the bnha fandom. people who dislike the ship were the first to mention ‘abuse’.

though i… slightly… doubt you truly don’t care about bnha and the discourse, since you called them “bakudeku” while on my blog i’ve only been calling them “katsudeku” as of late, and to use that other shipname i kinda feel u know more about the matter… since that’s what all the people who hate the couple & find them abusive call it… but i shouldn’t jump to conclusions. i’m so sorry if i’m wrong.

also again - katsudeku isn’t yaoi.

it feels kinda dirty to pull this card but… please stop reducing m/m couples (including from anime) to yaoi

also yeah when people use “antis” unironically it makes my toes curl too, but doing that doesn’t automatically make them a fujoshi either. listen i know there’s some people in this fandom who ship the couple but are basically only interested in a hot, sexual relationship between them - and i steer as clear away from those people as possible. they make up about only 2% of all the shippers

[rinstars]

𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 — 𝐬.𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞)

pairing: suna rintarou x reader

genre/trope: angst, unrequited love, forbidden love

warnings: nsfw, profanity, infidelity, mentions of weed/drugs, intoxication

description: you knew you never meant to him as much as he meant to you.. yet deep down, you still hoped his heart also breaks with every single goodbye and the regrets of the past clings to him a lot more than he let you believe.

note: this is a repost of 'the call' where i changed and added a few things to make it fit as a prologue better, so make sure u still read it. i'll do this series at my own pace so please just be patient! i'll open the taglist so just send me an ask if you want to be tagged hehe.

The smell of leather and weed floating in the space surrounding you constricts your breathing, making you gasp for air – even more as he suctions the air out of you through your heated shared kiss, your lungs burning with the need for oxygen. But you ignore it. Running your fingers through his hair and meeting his hunger with kisses equally as rough, you ignore the building pain on your chest.

You rock your hips towards him, feeling his hard crotch rub you through the lace of the panties you bought just a few days ago. Pulling away for a moment only to gasp on his reddening plump lips while he lazily guides your movements on his lap, triggering a flood of pleasure wash over you.

Slender, pale, and long fingers reached over to snatch another blunt, taking a long drag before the very same fingers of the opposite hand takes the back of your neck so he can pull you closer to his lips. He breathes the smoke out of his mouth into yours, connecting your lips once again.

Despite the distinct scent of the drug, you taste a tinge of sweetness on your tongue as his own massages yours. Rocking your hips harder to his forces a moan out of you, making your fingers curl around his lengthy hair. You pull away, muttering a small give me a minute to him. Leaning back on the steering wheel, you watch him while you try to control your ragged breathing.

His hair is long. Long enough that it falls softly all the way to his eyes and cheeks, the ends brushing his really pale skin. With your earlier statement, he just shrugged with the same unchanging look of nonchalance in his eyes—proceeding to take drags out of his blunt. His beautifully shaped eyes now bloodshot and shiny with moisture.

He's almost like a vampire, now that you think about it. So beautiful. Such pale skin but such dark hair. Sharp gaze but soft lips. Intoxicating scent but still so sweet.

The most similar thing between him and vampires, you thought, is the way he sucks all the life out of you. Drying you out and taking all your light.

This man has corrupted you more than you're willing to admit.

You opened your mouth to say something when the blaring ring of his phone makes you jump. His eyes glanced over the source before grabbing it with a sigh and scanning the monitor. You didn't even need to ask who it is. You're very well aware who it is, and why he never hesitated to answer.

When it comes to you, it always takes a lot of rings and missed calls before he picks up, though. You understand. You tell him you do, you always will.

He doesn't pick a call up on the first ring unless it's his girl. Astumu whispered as if he heard you ponder about the caller in your head one night when you were drinking with him in a bar. Loves her a lot. Probably too much.

The alarms rang in your head that night, no matter how much you tried to ignore it. So annoying but at the same time so painful. You didn't know how to turn it off and you wish every single time you could.

"Darling," He whispered with such a loving voice, one you never heard from him when he answers your calls. Your heart ached but you knew better than to confront him about it. Instead you cry in the arms of the twinss—more on Atsumu's, since Osamu takes you through an hour long lecture of why you should have known better.

You know that much, you think.

You shouldn't have let yourself get dragged in this stupid situation, craving a taken man and his touches. Letting him in on your secrets even when he barely lets you get a peak in his.

"I miss you too, my love.. Oh?.. I'll be home soon." He speaks in pauses as he lets her finish speaking first. You close your eyes to prevent the liquid threatening to spill out, taking a deep breath before slowly lifting yourself from his lap to the passenger seat. His eyes widened a millimeter—almost as if he cares what you do, when he noticed you getting off him without having to tell you. You noticed he ended his call with her and you refuse to look back at him. If you do, you are sure of another sleepless night.

Another sleepless night of asking yourself what went wrong and if he ever regretted his decisions— maybe he, too, spend the night wide awake asking himself why he brushed off every single detail of the past like it never existed, why he acts like you're a stranger he met for the very first time when both of you coincidentally takes the seat next to each other on a bar, why he never gave you an explanation of what happened that day.

Cold fingers hook under your chin, slowly turning your head to the left. He leans over the center console, connecting his lips with the soft skin of your neck, making you exhale out at the feeling of him sucking all the reason in you again. He runs his tongue wet on your collarbones, creating a glistening trail.

"I'll see you soon?" He whispered on the crook of your neck, nibbling it a little with his teeth. The bruises he leave on your skin another reminder that everything is real.

You just hum with a nod, cupping his jaw and slowly pulling him away from you with a small smile. One of his bangs fell in the middle of his face—you reached up to brush it away.

So many unspoken words from you. Too many. You wonder if he has anything he's holding back to say too as his eyes linger on you a second longer than usual. Or maybe you're just desperately reading into the lines again, like what Osamu said way too many times.

"Rin, what.. what are we?" Every parting is like this, like a new way of saying goodbye that you both developed. You just needed to be reminded, to wake up from whatever delusions you're starting to have.

"Nothing." He replies as flatly as all the other times before. Not a hint of emotion – no amusement or remorse.

You swallow, letting your hands fall to your sides. On the verge of turning around and reaching the door, his voice echoes once again. "How many times are you gonna ask me this?"

Until you start feeling something.

You thought to yourself. Anger, disgust, love, hatred, adoration, anything. You just want him to feel something. Prove to yourself and everyone else that you're not just a tool to him.

"Sorry. Slipped out of habit." You settle for that response now. No point having a conversation with him about this.

"You don't have to leave right away, I can still drive you home."

Losing all the strength to refuse, you found yourself just agreeing with him. Why the fuck are you even so upset to begin with? You knew what you signed up for. You knew about the girl. You saw him with her in the very same bar a few nights ago. Watched how much attention he gives her, how tightly he holds her.

Of course, you knew about the girl. Your past with her woven in a way no one will be able to deny, and she knows it too, as much as Suna and the twins do. How could you forget? Everything to you was clear as day, from the very first day to the last. Rintarou knows it hurts you more this way, but he never bothers to hide it from you—how he chose her over you.

"I'll break your heart by the end of this, baby." He warns you as you feel his length slip inside you, making you moan out in ecstasy.

"I don't care." You pant, grabbing him by the hips as a way of telling him to go faster.

Looking back, maybe you shouldn't have been so foolish and say that. Now, you're paying the price. Now, your exit has been sealed.

The moment you met him, you forgot everything – your reason, pride, dignity, loyalty, sense, self-love. You hate how intoxicates you like the drugs on his backseat and yet you can't stop. You wonder if he knows how you feel about him—how you still feel about him. If he notices the way your eyes would light up when you see him or the way you would wrap your arms so tightly like you're afraid of letting him go.

The car stopped soon after and you looked out the window to find yourself in front of your house. You collected your things and fastened the clasp on your sandals then opened the door, stepping a foot outside when he once again stops you by the wrist.

"I'll call you soon. I promise."

"I'll be waiting." You wriggle out of his grip without looking back, stepping your remaining foot out to join with the other as you stand up to leave. "Take care, Rintarou."

"You too, baby." The sound of his tires grow fainter by the second as he speeds off to his and his girlfriend's shared apartment and it was so loud, you couldn't tell if there was a strain on his voice when he said that or if you just imagined it again in your head.

You didn't notice the sobs wrecking your body. Not until you feel warm droplets fall to your open palms in front of you. You clutched your phone tightly, holding it to your chest.

You can only hope the next call comes soon, interrupting the continuous flow of the songs on your phone—the very records that remind you of what you never had—or perhaps, if things went a different turn; what you could've had with him.

[seonghwa-is-babie]

Protective pup

Y/n And yunho haven't gotten the best response to coming out, getting a lot of hate from antis, unfortunately, y/n got a bit more than just online hate, all because he looked too scary and intimidating with his height and tattoos

Yunho x male reader

Warning: slight angst (cursing, bruises, crying)

Note: sorry if this made u cry ;-;, and that the ending's a bit awkward

Today was a wreck for y/n, ever since he and his boyfriend, Yunho came out as a couple, he's been getting a lot of hate from both fans and non-fans. y/n tried to stay strong in front of him, but in reality he didn't know how much hate he could handle anymore, since it was escalating to physical harassment

It wasn't uncommon for him to come home with bruises, but he did his best to hide them from yunho, he was already stressed with their comeback being right around the corner

Today was another one of those days where he got beat up for being in a relationship with their 'oppar'

🐶

Once he got home he expected to be welcomed by his boyfriend, Yunho, with open arms, but he wasn't home at the moment, so y/n decided to text him

________________________________________

you: baby why aren't you home? I thought you were done by now?

Yunho🐶❤️: They're making us practise a bit longer for our comeback

you: When are you coming home then? I miss you...

Yunho🐶❤️: We're almost done, don't worry :)

Yunho🐶❤️: love you😘😘❤️

_______________________________________

Deciding he had enough time left to hopefully cover up the wounds, he went to the bathroom to get some bandages for the cuts, and foundations for the bruises

🐶

After bandaging up his arms and putting on a decent amount of makeup to cover up the bruises

He turned off his phone, hoping to not see anymore notifications from comments under anything he posts "maybe he is better off without me, or he can find someone else who's so much better than me, who isn't hated" as he started to think, he couldn't help but cry from it, falling asleep after the crying had tired him out.

At practice🐶

"alright from the top guys, five six seven eight" they went over their choreography once again "yunho your footing's wrong, you're supposed to go like this" the instructor demonstrated "sorry sir, I won't do it again" they repeated it, only for him to do another part wrong, repeating this problem until the members decided to address it

"yunho, you've been a bit out of rhythm since our break, is everything okay?" seonghwa asked concerned "I don't know hyung, maybe cause of..."

San looked at him confused "cause of what, Yunho?" he looked down "y/n sent a text asking why I wasn't at home and after I explained why, I don't know why, but his reply seemed so sad, he didn't even say I love you back, and I think I know why" the older didn't fully understand

"well, why do you think he's sad?" yunho looked down "I think it might be because of the hate we've been getting for coming out, I've deleted all social media of off my phone, but I don't know if he did it as well."

"yunho, maybe you should go home to check on him" Hongjoong said, concerned for the yunho's boyfriend, he knew him quite well and knew that despite his intimidating exterior, he was a gentle soul "but what about practice?"

wooyoung pushed him towards the door "that's not important right now, what is, is that you go home and check up on your boyfriend"

🐶

"I'm home" yunho said, expecting a hug and a kiss from his boyfriend, but all he saw was an empty living room, like he had feared "maybe he went to bed already? That's strange, normally he waits for me to get back" he went up the stairs to their shared bedroom, hoping to find the other there

To his surprise, he did, though he was already asleep, so he tried his best not to wake his lover up, sadly he did wake up because y/n was a pretty light sleeper

"Yunho?" he turned around to face his lover, he smiled "hey, I'm home, I missed you" he went closer to his lover, only then noticing the tear stains and the slightly red eyes "why did you cry? Did something happen?" he hoped to deer God that it wasn't the hate, but just a bad day at work

"i'm fine, don't worry about it" he tried grabbing yunho's arm to stop him from further inspecting his body, but that backfired as the sleeve came up and exposed the bandages, which yunho obviously saw

"oh my gosh! What did you do? Did someone hurt you?" tears started to slip from y/n's eyes and he turned over to his back "babe please, I'm worried about you" y/n turned back to yunho, the years exposing his makeup "hold on one minute, please"

He came back with a a few makeup wipes "may I?" y/n decided to no longer hide what people were doing to him and nodded. As yunho started gently wiping off the makeup, his face contorted into one of shock "how'd that happen, honey?"

"....Your fans, they've been harassing me on and off social media, on it, they always say I don't D-deserve you, that I-I'm a heartless ass hole who doesn't know how to properly care for you. But off...... Yunho.... I'm not sure if you know how much it hurts not only physically, but mentally as well. I've tried to stay strong, but I don't know how much longer I can take it"

at this point he was sobbing, something Yunho had never seen before. He sat next to his slightly taller boyfriend and rubbed the others back "I-I didn't know it go that bad..... I didn't think they would go that far. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you sooner" both began to cry in each others arms

🐶

"I promise you I will do something about this, I hate to see you go through so much pain" yunho said, sitting in y/n's lap "maybe we could do something together?" the younger nodded, before getting up from the older's lap and grabbing his phone, texting someone "who're you texting?" yunho made room for y/n to look over his shoulder

"just my manager to ask him if I can do a V-live to address what's going on" the older tensed up "are you sure that's a good idea?" the younger nodded "we don't have to if you don't feel comfortable with it" y/n thought about it

"I don't want you to do this alone, but I don't know if I can face the camera right now" Yunho tried to think of something they could do "how about...... You lay your head on my lap facing away from the camera, that way, you'll still be there with me, but don't have to see any negative comments" y/n nodded

🐶

Yunho got his phone positioned where they could see both him and y/n and waited until enough people joined in "hey guys.... This isn't going to be a happy vlive today, instead I want to address something that's been a problem lately" he could already see some hate comments on screen "ever since I came out with my boyfriend, we've been getting a lot of hate, me getting only a bit of what y/n has been going through, I normally trust you guys and love you all, but harassing y/n for being together with me is just wrong"

"but oppar he isn't right for uuuu"

"we love a protective bf, preach🏳️‍🌈"

"not our fault you're both filthy homosexuals😒"

"hope u guys still know there's fans out there who support you two, we love you💙💙💙"

"but he doesn't treat u right unlike I would"

"for the people who think y/n doesn't treat me right because of how he looks, he's the sweetest guy I could've asked for, he knows what I like and dislike, how to cheer me up. Why can't you guys see that, is all you guys see a tall scary man with tattoos, or the sweet, loving person laying beside me"

y/n started to cry again and buried his face into yunho's thighs, Yunho brought him up to comfort him, y/n still facing away from the camera "it's okay, it's gonna be fine, we're gonna sort this out alright?" the youngest went to wipe his tears, the older leaning into those touches from him

"guys, you should stop... Look how much we're hurting him and y/n"

"oppar he'll just use you"

"look at how much they care about each other, how could you hate them?🥺🥺🥺🥺"

"guys please, I can't stand seeing him this unhappy and sad, seeing him with so many bruises and cuts, and him not even being able to face the camera because of you guys. This has to stop, or we will have to take drastic measures in order to keep ourselves save" y/n looked at his boyfriend, a bit scared but also relieved that this might just be a solution to their problem

"yunho, are you sure this is what we should do?" he asked, still unsure of what to do "I know many fans probably won't like it, but this is what I have to do if I want to keep you and myself safe" he took in a deep breath before looking back towards his phone "we will be deleting our social media from our phones, and if we catch any of you harassing me or y/n, you will be blacklisted and will get a restraining order from us" he ended the live

🐶

"are you okay baby?" y/n asked yunho  "no, I just-" he began to cry "I just can't believe that they would do so many awful things just because we're together" the older pulled him closer "I guess that's the harsh reality of idol life, because of the way you're supposed to act towards fans, it gives them a false sense of hope. I wish things were different, but sadly we can't change it, not in one day that is. This stuff is going to take time for people to accept, but i'm sure that when some more time has passed, people will accept it, as there will be more like us in the future"

"how can you be so sure of it? Maybe people will start to resent it even more" he looked up at y/n "I don't know what the future holds, but I do know we can influence it, you're a role model for people, if they see from you that it's okay, I'm sure many people will follow"

they stayed in each other's arms, eventually falling asleep, but not before saying one last thing to each other "I love you yunho, with all my heart, and I hope our country will allow us to be together till the end" yunho snuggled closer to y/n "you mean like getting married and stuff? I'd love to get married to you, and I hope we can in the future too"

They shared a quick peck before cuddling up once more and going to sleep for the night

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Whatever Keeps You Up At Night

Boy, this fic has been one I've been picking at for months. And while it's not perfect, I think I'm going to go ahead and post it cause I feel pretty good about it. There's a few song, movie, and poem references. I'll be surprised if someone gets them all.

In this fic the reader thinks about sleep

______________________

Clouds drifted across inky skies. Your central heat was cranked up just enough to leave you defrosted, but not any higher in fear it could fail. You thought of getting something to drink, but you didn't want to leave the warmth and comfort of your bed. Winter wasn't your favorite season, but it reminded you of him.

Oh, if you would've been in his home, there certainly would've been more sound. It wouldn't have necessarily come from the house itself, but from him; his breathing, footsteps, or the light whistle of his teeth which covered up his snoring; its sound feeding the springtime in your heart. If you had gone over when he was ready to go to bed, he would've stayed up and entertained you. Yet, none of that could've taken place if he wasn't home. So, you weren't in his home, you were in yours.

In the sharp corners where shadows laid, you dared not step until it was noon. In the daytime, though mostly in the evening was the draft which never went away and gave you a chill; causing you to wrap your duvet closer. It smelled like Ricks detergent, and you were surrounded by the night. You weren't a stranger to its lonesome ways, nor were you acquainted with it, but you existed in it; willing yourself to be anything other than awake. Try as you may, tonight's sleep might not come so readily, because you already begun to think about him and dearly wished he was home; on earth; in this dimension; anywhere close if he could help it; except for right now where it could not be helped that he was on assignment and that you had to be without him much longer then you wished, but you would wait as well as go on because you did have a life; albeit a little bland without him. 

At night, while part of the world was quieting down, other parts were waking up and heading off to work; you could do either; so could he. Sometimes you would work through the night, especially when you had an idea itching to be written, but most often you would sleep; or at least try to sleep with hopes of having sweet dreams; at times your dissociated thoughts having found their way back to you. You had never been much of a dreamer, and you rarely liked to dream; you never felt rested enough in the morning after, but at times it was nice; more so if Rick was in them. Thoughts of how he was doing kept you up at times - as it was doing now - and you could only wonder where in the universe he currently was, but you'd almost forget about it if anxious thoughts took over, and problems you hadn't solved reappeared. Sometimes thoughts of the past intermingled with your dreams; as pleasant or heartbreaking as they could be.

Tossing and turning were options you could accept, but if he was available, you'd call Zeta-7 to hear him, and allow his cheerfulness to ease you into a gentle submission; to relax beyond compare, and leave you in a decent enough mood to doze. Why, you could listen to him explain anything from quantum mechanics to the variety of animal mutations which existed in a galaxy far, far away; to be lulled and softened by his cadence, was a treat you wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. If it happened on the rare chance that you were overcome by exhaustion, you'd just fall asleep as soon as your head hit your pillow; not understanding how or when you'd close your eyes, though you were always grateful when you did. However, if it so happened that you woke up randomly without a cause, but from a feeling, then you knew; you had just missed him; his existence being like a midnight soliloquy; like a ghost, he was sometimes there, but then wasn't; it wasn't that difficult to see why, but it still surprised you nonetheless.

It seemed that once you had given Rick the permission to visit whenever he liked, he did; being woken by the familiarity of his presence on more than one occasion. It was neither ambiguous or obscure, but there, like the air you breathed, being a living, positive force of goodness; vital to your existence. Just when you thought there were no other comparisons to be made, he continued to become and shape himself into the extraterrestrial being that he caused himself to be. Oh, some days you would miss him something fierce, but whenever you'd find yourself so alone, you'd remember that he'd come; whenever it was that he could.

Now, he wasn't sloppy, nor did he hide that he had come by, but he was careful. Quietly, he would check about the house, then would step into your bedroom with caution as though sleeping beauty might wake. At times you only caught the blur which barely stepped out of the doorway, or was soothed by the hand which smoothed out your hair, and other times it was just his scent which lingered; an echo of his existence. Once he sang you a Mexican love song, which made your heart burn, and it seemed interwoven into your half-woken state; having been so drowsy you thought you had dreamt it. And because he worked at random hours, and sometimes for days and weeks at a time, he'd come and lightly kiss you hello and goodbye before going back to work, though your recollections were few. It was precious, and you enjoyed it; at least when you were conscious of it. Most of the time, however, you were only aware of the warmth which touched your cheek and of the blanket which had been placed over you when you were cold; these being the other ways in which he showed you he loved you.

Yet, it happened one night, just as you were about to go to sleep after having spent a better part of the day typing, you saw the familiar green glow in the hallway, and then saw him come through your doorway. He looked at you as though you were a ghost, and you stared into the dark, your nowhere man being there; somewhere out of your reach. As you were about to turn on the light, his gentle touch stopped you. Unsure of what he was about, you didn't struggle as he pulled you into an embrace, but having him squeeze you with all his might, trembling despite himself left you unsettled. “Ricky," you wondered; a flutter of anxiety starting to build in your chest. "what's the matter?”

“I-I-I wish I could just stay here with you,” he began in a low voice; the scent of smoke and disinfectant coming off of him as you rubbed his back. “where n-nothing bad happens.”

He had smelled like this before; as though he had been busy with janitorial duties instead of sorting through papers or lab samples. “Bad day?”

“Y-yeah."

Bad wouldn't be the beginning as to describe it; of that you were sure. You assumed it was another case where he was responsible for the lowly, more humble work which his workmates didn't care to do; or was assigned as to demean him; bullied into doing; likely all of the above. “I'm sorry,” you softened. “I hope it wasn't that bad.”

“It's - I'll b-be fine. I just - I-I had to see you.”

A chill ran through your back. Under any other circumstances, you could've interpreted that as one of his romanticisms, but his quiet desperation brought about a fresh wave of worry instead. "But can you see me in the dark?"

"I wouldn't have been able to if it wasn't for my bionic eye. Did I-I tell you about that yet? I'm sorry if th-that sounds gross."

"I don't know if you told me yet. I guess now is a good time as ever, but maybe you can explain it in detail another day."

"I'm s-sorry, I know you were about t-t-to go to bed, but I - all I could think about was you."

Warmth flooded your cheeks, and you wished you had worn something cuter instead of an old pair of pajamas, but you knew he didn't care. Zeta-7 was lovely that way. You tried to think of something flirty to say in return, but a yawn escaped you instead."Boy, I really have bad timing, d-don't I?" he commented.

"Dear, don't get me wrong, I love having you here," Which was true in all respects, though you wondered if you could put him at ease. "but maybe… perhaps it would be better if we went to the living room. I can get you something warm to drink if you'd like.”

“Y-you don't have to do that." he said in a hurry. "Besides," he continued. "don't - don't I look better this way?”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you cooed. 

“No, you don't. Why would you say that? I already know you as you are and I can say for certain that you are the light of my life. To me, you've always been handsome. In fact," you smiled up at him; unsure if he could see your sincerity. "you're the man of my dreams. I dream of you, of that darling smile, of your winning personality which lights up my days, and of your sweetness. Your unconditional sweetness. If you don't believe me, you can always check my dreams.”

“Gosh, if life….si la vida pudiera ser u-un sueño," he sighed, "then I'm sure it'd be you. If I-I had the time it'd be nice if we could - if I could dwell there; in that dreamland of yours. I bet it'd be swell, and normally I'd think all of that - all of which you suggested would be swell, but today hasn't been--it hasn't been that kind t-t-to me."

"I know, but isn't there anything I can do for you Rick?"

He didn't answer. You moved a hand to caress his face in hopes of soothing him but instead found a bump on his right cheek which caused him to wince. “What was that?"

"It's - it's nothing."

"Don't you lie to me Ricardo," you reprimanded. "this is something."

Gingerly, you followed where his skin was warmer than usual and was raised. Your heart sank at the thought of what could've happened. "Oh no, did they…. did they hurt you? What happened?"

A noise escaped him, but he neither confirmed nor denied. This, in turn, made you reluctant to want to return him to the monsters, but you knew he would go; whether or not you wanted him to. The villainy which existed in his kind and Zeta-7's rarity made him such an easy target. You had talked to him about it before, about how he should speak up, but the harsh reality of his situation prevented him from doing so, and you wondered how much more would they try to take from him. True, he wasn't a broken man, but even bravery needed its encouragement and you were going to love him all the more for it because that's all you could do at the moment. "My sweet, sweet man, do you know what I love about you?"

Passing a hand through his hair, you were careful not to brush his cheek, to which a sigh escaped him; the likes of it as though he only just now began to calm. You continued. "I love that no matter what, you'll persevere and continue to be determined. You're so strong, that I couldn't be prouder, but please, don't let them take you away from me."

The arms which had almost been lenient in their affection held you a fraction tighter; immovable in the way in which you were grounded. It was as though being in want of comfort, he in turn desired to return in kind; his impalpable emotions giving way to simpler, softer ones.  "I missed you. I-I missed this. Warm hugs and a-affirmation."

"If it's hugs you want," you replied softly. "you can have as many as I can give you. Affirmation? I'll give you enough to reach the moon. I'm no scientist, but somehow, I know you could make it come true."

Warm lips kissed your forehead, and a relieved chuckle brushed your cheek.  "The math w-would be nearly impossible."

"So there's a chance." you giggled.

Leaning in close enough, he pressed his forehead to yours. "Yes, th-there is if you believe it enough."

"I do believe, but more so I believe in you. How...how can it be that someone as incredible as you would be harmed by people who look the same? To hurt my man of all people? I ought to get some training and become your bodyguard or something. It just isn't right for anyone else to touch even a hair on your head."

“It um - it was an accident. I sh-should've been paying attention to where I was going. I know it seems bad, but it isn't." which you knew wasn't completely true. "However, I'll get it treated. I-I promise.”

"Why don't you let me take a look at it? I have a first aid kit in the hallway. And while I never finished my medical training, I know enough to treat this. Please, why not let me play nurse and help you feel a little better?"

“M-mi corazón, I would rather y-you don't see it. It looks worse th-then it actually is, but it's fine. Really, I-I swear it is. You've already done more than enough.”

Pulling away a bit, you wondered. "Have I? It seems all I've done is talk you into oblivion, but what about you?" 

"Wh-what about me?" he wondered.

"It isn't like you to swear. I haven't heard you swear yet." you teased, pressing a soft kiss on his injury. "I doubt I ever will." 

"It's not th-that kind of swear," he began to explain, but then he stopped, thought for a bit, then chuckled. "but I-I-I see what you're - I understand the joke."

You noticed that Zeta-7 avoided standing in the moonlight, and while you couldn't really see him, you didn't relent in your expressions. “Man, if I would've known you were coming over, I would've dressed up a little and made sure there was extra food for you to eat. I'm sorry.”

“It's alright, I-I already ate. I finally used my coupon for Rick's Diner near main street."

Playing with the collar of his sweater you wondered. "Was it any good?"

"It um - it was alright, but I think next time I'll pack some food to warm up. You um - you smell nice by the way. I'm sorry if I-I smell.”

By now, you had gotten used to the variety of smells which could've wafted off him. He had smelled better and worse before, but that only added to his curious ways and charms. "Well, if you're so worried about it, then why don't you stop being so shy and come a little closer. That way you could smell like me."

The silence which proceeded was almost frightening. Hmm, you might've gone too far again, but you couldn't help yourself; half the time he opened the way for light teasing. And yet, you had told yourself before that it wasn't so kind to play with an old man's heart; despite the best of intentions, it might not have been perceived that way, but in the quiet of the room, you could feel his mature heart quicken at your words, and the light rustle of clothes as he fidgeted despite himself. He was so adorable, it was almost criminal, but before he could stumble upon himself in embarrassment, you added. "I was just kidding. Goodness, I guess I have bad timing too. At least where jokes are concerned. Still, to have you here…it's better than a dream."

Again, there was a silence that proceeded and you felt the tug of doubt, but he broke the silence with his sincerity. "I-I never thought you - that I'd be so lucky to enjoy moments like th-this. Let alone with a-a woman."

"In the dark?"

"Whenever. I'm s-sorry I still get embarrassed, but you make me nervous at times. Y-you can be a little unpredictable."

"Good," you brightened. "keeps things exciting. Though, everytime you say something like that, it makes me wonder if it'd be the last time I'd hear you say it. It better not be."

"In my line of work," he admitted solemnly, "there's always a-a chance of that happening, but it's not - I don't like to think about it. However, it does make me appreciate that I'm able to have someone when I - when I'm lonely. I know how pitiful that sounds and how much I repeat it, but you don't know how it's been a great comfort. If you weren't here I'd…"

Though the words died in his throat. You had a feeling as to what he might've meant to say, and frankly, you were glad to not have heard them. Rubbing his back, you cooed. "It's okay. It's all going to be fine. I don't mind how many times you tell me, because I know how much you mean it. I'm right here if you need me. As I am now, and always will be. If you'd like anything...if you need to or want some fresh clothes to change into, I'm sure I can find something around here that might fit. If you want to stay here with me, that's ok too. Whatever you need, I'll be happy to help."

"Allowing me t-t-to come here is more than enough." 

Resting a hand on his chest you wondered. "Are you sure? You could stay. Couldn't you stay?"

"I-I wish I could princess. You don't know how much I'd rather be here, but I-I don't want them coming here t-t-to retrieve me, so it's better if I go soon."

"Why?"

"If the guard Rick's have to retrieve me one too many times, they might limit my portal gun use and I'd rather avoid that."

"I swear, I think there's a curse keeping us apart."

Caressing your cheek with the pad of his thumb, he chuckled. “By now, I ugh - I suppose I've become a bit of a broken record, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Curses and swearing aside that is."

"I know."

You didn't want him to go. Not back to those people who couldn't appreciate him. How he put up with it you didn't know. “Maybe one of these days, you could skip out on work and we'll go somewhere. Maybe we could go to Blips and Chitz, and I'll try that one dance game designed for spider people. Wouldn't that be nice? Then we could go see the Jerry's and I can get asked embarrassing questions all about you. How does that sound?”

Bending down to kiss you, he winced but kissed you nonetheless. “That would be swell, but w-we can't go tonight. I-I should get going. I had wanted to make sure you were safe, but it's nice t-t-to see you up. I hope you didn't mind me barging in this way.”

“I don't mind, but I only wish that I could be awake more often when you're here.”

“I-I know, but it's okay. I usually can't stay for long anyway.”

What a shame it really was. You hid your face in his chest, relishing in the warmth and softness of his sweater while you still could; foolishly hoping that he would change his mind. Who would've known he could be so stubborn. Then again, you couldn't find fault in that. “Maybe if I ask the sandman hard enough to bring me a dream," you admitted in a girlish voice. "then I'll see you again real soon."

"I will see you. Y-you only have to look for me."

"In my dreams?"

"If y-you believe."

You pulled him in for a kiss then, pressing peck after peck knowing that he would disappear. You knew he didn't get enough affection already, and he'd have to make due with what you could give him, but was it really enough? You'd never know. With one arm around you, his other was digging around in his pockets for his portal gun. And just as his fingers lightly brushed it, you stopped him and handed him your favorite stuffed animal. “Huh? F-for me?”

“Mhm. That's Bimbo, he'll be sure to keep you safe. He um…my dad had always told me that this stuffy would keep me safe and I consider him one of the dearest friends in the world, but right now I know I'm not the only one who could use a friend. I'm sure he'd be happy to keep you company for a while."

"But h-he's important to you."

"True, but you're the most important to me. Now, something to remember is that he likes to give plenty of hugs and enjoys tea parties, though he would never readily admit it."

"I-I like those things too."

"See? You two are going to be good friends. There's no doubt that you two will get along."

The arm which had been holding you about your waist held you a fraction tighter, and if you hadn't given him a light push, he might've not been encouraged to go. “You gotta let me go now. I don't want you to get in trouble. Please, just make sure to return to me in one piece. Understand?.”

“Yes, I-I-I do. I will.” he answered, before opening a portal and stepping through. 

The warmth he had brought was already growing cold. And checking the time, you were sure that you weren't going to get a wink. So dragging the duvet cover with you, you plopped yourself on the couch and flipped through Interdimensional cable, until you found a movie you've might've watched a dozen times before; snuggling into the pillow that still smelled like him; hoping that he will be fine.

Fin