#i used my back pain as an example ofc and i'm not saying i have it bad or worse than anybody else

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it can be true that certain lifestyle changes can help with pain and disability, but people really overplay how those changes will affect people's lives.

I've found that exercise has helped my back pain - I have had chronic back pain that PT didn't touch, but exercise has helped. However, what hasn't changed is what exasperates that pain, and when my pain is especially exasperated, it doesn't matter how much I exercise, I'll be in my bed trying so hard to get out, and I'll be seeing white. So, yes, exercise helped me, but it did not save me. That's an example of what I mean.

It's fine to give (solicited!!) advice to people about how to manage things like this. But I'm begging people to be realistic about this. Lifestyle changes can only do so much, and disabilities are - surprise! - disabling.

[verawhisk]

my drawing process (thank you @pepper-ika!)

i draw and colour for a long long time. i don't do the traditional sketch + lineart + colour -- sketches are hard to line, they're kind of time-consuming and usually they end up better than the lineart, so i just draw like normal and clean it up before colouring. i start at the head and end at around the feet, kinda like a person showering (lol). here i'm using your typical pencil brush you can find in any standard art program.

a tip i got from another artist was to colour using a thick, opaque pen brush that varies a lot in width. it saves a Lot of time. before they showed me that, i made the mistake of using a soft, painterly brush to colour my art. it hurt my wrist because i had to press really hard to get flat colour -- when all that time i could have just been using a pen brush! also, i start with soft colours because they're nicer to look at.

2. i do colourful midtones like redness in the skin or maybe a blue five o clock shadow if they have one. from this point onward, i use a flat square-ish brush combined with a painterly smudger and a soft airbrush.

i read somewhere that you should apply perfume on the moistest parts of your body so i kind of use that same idea when drawing redness. usually i do it where skin meets skin: folded arms, a crunched back, closed hands, and that place where the thighs touch the buttcheeks, lolol. and of course: the nose, lips, and ears. it makes the skin look real and warm and lively!

3. i lay down my shadows and lights, usually in that order. and at this point, i'm throwing extra shadow on wrinkles, fat, bumps, lumps, etc. a body without rolls is like an angel without wings!

also i smudge like CRAZY here. just like how it's impossible to have "too much gravy" on your chicken, it's impossible to have "too much blending" when you're drawing skin. blend that ish.

when it comes to the colour of the shadows, i always make shadows the base colour but darker and more saturated, and i move the hue a little to the left (for example: orange goes to red, green goes to yellow, purple goes to blue). i do that with, like, every colour. i can't tell if it's lazy or not but at this point i'm too scared to ask.

4. finally i make some minor adjustments like liquifying to fix lopsided eyes or oversized heads/hands. when i was in high school, my art teacher would say "great, but watch the size of the feet, hands, and neck," lolol. he was right ofc. when i go "hm... that looks a little weird," i have to trust that gut feeling because when i do fix it, it ends up looking way better. here is a horrifying gif illustrating that.

AHH!!!

alternatively you could do a messy line and color, then do a whole paintover like i did here. this is awesome for details because you dont have to go back and change the lineart - you just paint over and add whatever you want and redraw the line to fit it.

i dont really use the different layer modes that much. in this one i used a gradient map of the drawing as an overlay. idk if that really does anything major but it does create a new range of colors to play with. i also used a multiply layer to cast a big shadow over the card (layer 8) because it has this tiiiny little pattern that would be a pain in the butt to draw shadows over. everything else is pretty standard.

(and no i dont name my layers... yes i will be changing my name and moving countries)

another thing worth noting: i use airbrushing A LOT. i remember reading somewhere that using airbrushes is like. a cardinal sin. it’s not, man. it’s great. airbrushes and smudging are dope and i use them all the time.

i hope you found this helpful! have a great weekend <3

[asfearlessasamango]

here i ammmmm i hope this isnt the longest ask ever lol but i cannot overstate how GORGEOUS i find your prose. the phrase “tiredness curls up in each joint like old cats in old corners” is so absolutely evocative and paints such a melancholic, beautiful, rich picture in my mind every time i remember it. i could actually get it tattooed thats how seriously beautiful i find it. most of all i loooooooove the amount of social norms, architectural details, cultural differences etc etc you infused in the story to fill in the gaps of the canon universe. the choice of using of rice paper vs. glass and all the reasoning behind it is the example that comes to mind, but im sure that if i knew more about east asian cultures, i could identify more and more details you scattered throughout the plot to turn this make believe world into a truthful parallel of the real one we have. i can only say bravo. and if you have any recommended reading for homework, i’d love to know more about these references! now back to your writing! one of thee strongest points of the story, for me, is how believable these characters are as people. they feel so fully fleshed out that sometimes it was like intruding on someone’s most private thoughts - even a little painful to keep going, and i mean that in the best way possible! i especially loved the subtle addition of zuko’s ingrained sexism and prejudice against other nations, things that ofc he’s never had reason to unlearn in this universe. he is compassionate, but can be very unkind - seems like a delicate balance, but in your story, it just flows naturally. you inhabit their heads, strengths, flaws and life experiences so well, like sokka’s blind defensiveness when he thinks of himself as helpless, his brashness and ingenuity when he sees zuko more as a puzzle to solve than a person. that goes even people who haven't gotten that much plot attention yet - like azula wearing blue lipstick (!!!!) foaming at the mouth from the thought. OFC she would!!! shes bold, shes confident and shes here to shine + now she allows herself to have fun! do “ugly” and “imperfect” things for fun! and all the parallels between this redeemed azula and the canon zuko we know. your oc who is zuko's guardian, who he calls grandma, hasn't even shown up yet and i already love and miss her. uncle iroh!!!! zuko assuming malice from uncle iroh who only wants the best for him - but ofc he doesnt know that! but we do, and it hurtssss katara and aang!!! the bath scene with aang, zuko’s forced vulnerability, their honesty, aang’s absolute grace towards zuko. suki and the kyoshi warriors! i trust they will get their turn to kick some ignorant prince ass. and the thing that draws me the most to this genre: the exploration of trauma in its aftermath. your storytelling is wonderfully brutal here. like… you draw a white picture by filling in all its shadowy contours…. if that makes sense. all the ways zuko’s life was affected by his father add up to the shape of his hurt. him not eating fatty foods to stay fit and "bend better". recognizing azula in his own reflection instead of himself. wearing his mom’s night clothes. im going feral feral feral whew! in my heart all this would’ve been a very pretty glittery letter sent to your author p.o. box. i love your story and it lives constantly in my imagination - thank you so much for sharing it with the world!!!

ohhhmg.... thank you for this!! i sat on it for a whole minute to respond right! i'm so glad you like it!! i love that you love all these characters' new lives <3 <3

there are so many Very Careful Lines to Walk in doing an ATLA au bc the original characters and cultural stories are really so complex. and i am FAR from an expert on east asian history / cultures but here are a few sources that I found helpful / interesting:

jinian qian's writing for The Millions, especially the articles "The Moon Is Beautiful Tonight: On East Asian Narratives" and "Light in the West and Shadows in the East"

chaoyang trap, which is not at all about ancient china but about very modern chinese cultural existence, especially on the Internet / social media / fandom. I can't say this has directly provided me with a lot of relevant info but it does help me figure out attitude / approaches / how things "translate" into western contexts

and of course there are so many A:TLA blogs that really keep the analytical conversations going and make ao3 as vibrant as it is-- @atlaculture, @boybff, @volkswagonblues, @azularedemptionarcwhen, @chitsangenthusiast, @azulasnailtech, @visit-ba-sing-se, @marriedzukka, @bleekay, @ash-and-starlight, @sokkagatekeeper, @azulapropaganda, @zukkababey, @comradekatara, @ofherlionheart, @chaoticsandstorm

okay i will stop blasting this post into all of atla tumblr's notifs but the above blogs are total Gs, 10/10, would not be as deep into my MFA in a:tla without these trailblazing scholars who went before me

have a lovely vintage kermit meme, mwah

[sunberry-strawflower]

Hi so SIF2 came out a week ago and I decided I'd post how I feel abt it so far (as someone who played the original SIF for nearly 7 years)

Pros:

1. Calibration is SO MUCH BETTER OMG. The last game's engine must've sucked or something bcz the rhythm was so weird. You had to change your calibration every 3 secs it was awful😭the only reason I even full combo'd most of the songs is bcz of the timer cards. Now in SIF2 I just had to set my calibration to 3 and I was good to go like the notes actually went with the beat.

2. Most (keyword being most) of the cards are really pretty and well done! I can tell they went all out with these initial URs they are GORGEOUS MY GOSH. And the first event URs are really good!

3. The home menu is a lot cleaner. I rlly like it!

4. OVER 500 SONGS HOLY COW. Ofc more doesn't equal good BUT if you know Love Live you know almost all of their songs slap I can't rlly think of any bad ones. I'm so happy they added their whole song catalog.

5. 3% UR rate instead of the last game's 1% thank God.

Cons:

(Note some of these are just some personal gripes I have with it)

1. Still no co-op live for some reason? Like maybe when an event rolls around there'll be one but idk why we need an event to do co-op lives. Plenty of other games have co-op lives without any events and the Rhythmic Carnival was a thing back in LLSIF and that stopped being event based why do we need events to do co-op lives? </3

2. We can't sort by characters in member lists. There are WAYYYY too many characters for us to just sort them by group come on😭what if I just wanna see my (not that great) collection of Keke cards? But nooo I have to see all of Liella.

3. Remember when I said most of the cards were really pretty? Well yes they are but then there's that some that I don't rlly like that much tbh.. Like You's card for example. I saw quite a few ppl like it bcz of the background and all that and I get that but ngl You's butt being in most of the shot kinda rubs me the wrong way like I get she dives but can't we just use a different camera angle? Why do we have to focus on her butt? She's SIXTEEN. Alsoalso some of the nijigaku and liella cards don't rlly do it for me--maybe it's cause of the differing art styles from the muse and aqours cards idk. I will say tho that Chisato's new event card and cards like Ayumu and Emma look AMAZING imo.

4. You can't set certain songs as favorites and sort them by your favorite :( that would've been a great feature to add especially bcz of the amount of songs there are. Looking for some of my favorite songs is a pain sometimes even with the member sorting system cause there's just SO MANY SONGS. Ik I just said 500 songs is great AND IT IS BUT PLSS LET IT BE EASIER TO SCROLL THROUGH </3 you can only scroll by like 3 songs it's pain.

5. The "Live 2D" is kinda disappointing to me. Like yea they move but that's kinda it. They don't change poses and bcz of that they aren't rlly that expressive. Poor Muse and Aqours especially they've been stuck in those same poses since 2013-2016 LET THEM MOVE MORE PLEASE💔also the "lip syncing" is just random mouth movements it doesn't actually sync with what they're saying.

6. I find the texting system to be very limited and tedious. I know it's the only way to bond with your members (other than grinding songs but bond points are given at a snail's pace with that method) and the chats don't last very long but aaaaa I just find them so boring. Even the group chats. And I can understand the gist of what they're saying so it's not like I don't understand. It's just boring.

7. There's not a lot of master charts for songs tbh--at least not satisfactory enough for me. Only 240+ out of the 500 have master charts for some reason? I know most rhythm games also have a limited number of master charts, but their expert/extreme charts make up for it. LLSIF's expert charts are so easy for me. Maybe it's cause I've been playing for a long time idk. I'll cut them some slack for this one tho bcz the last game also had this issue.

8. They removed a good majority of features SIF had. The rhythm game screen, notes, etc. aren't as customizable, you can't message your friends anymore, nor can you look at your friends activity like stories they read and cards they got. You remember side stories from the last game? Welp, they're gone. Remember the sticker shop? That's gone too. Support members? Gone. N girls? Gone. Blue vouchers? Nope. School idol skills? Screw those, amiright? They removed so many things that made School idol festival...School idol festival.

In conclusion, uhmm it's alright. The rhythm game is fun but that's abt it </3 I can't help but be a little disappointed by this game simply because they took away so many features the original had and the features they did add weren't rlly doing it for me.

The fact a lot of the player base lost their accs for this is rlly upsetting.

I still have hopes this game can improve. Especially because it's in its first week so I don't wanna be TOO harsh. But with the way it is right now, I can't rate SIF2 any higher than a 6/10 :(

[aris-ink]

The problem with multis like you it's not that they like other groups no one cares about that, it's that they always throw bts under the bus to defend their other groups, and that's what you did, you always write about bts but never post anything about their songs or defend them, only when BP is mentioned you threw them under the bus, they're like characters for you nothing more

let's get through your points properly, so that hopefully, this is the last ask I have to answer on the matter.

1) I mentioned, for the 100th time, since this is a freaking BTS BLOG, that the boys have made their mistakes too, but you're still here, clearly, aren't you? and so am I. so, I am allowed to also believe in someone that isn't from BTS, and it's not fair to judge that so harshly. that is NOT throwing anyone under the bus, that is a goddamn fact, but people threw themselves at me and got offended that I dared to mention bts and bp in the same sentence. it was literally an example I used. please don't put words in my mouth. not to mention the audacity of some people to come onto my blog and tell me what I'm "allowed" to say and what I'm not.

2) does this look like a bts fan blog to you guys? dedicated to their gifs, interviews, music? this is a writing blog. dedicated to horror fiction. I don't know how long you've been here, but I've had plenty of conversations back and forth with sweet anons about indigo, our biases, Tae's selfies. I have plenty of beautiful things saved in my likes. I don't even have to explain myself in the first place for what I choose to put on my blog, but I'm tired of this.

3) frankly, do you see me reblogging or talking about bp? I've had a lot to say when flower came out, I was excited for born pink, etc, etc. but again, this is just a fanfiction blog for bts, so I don't say anything.

4) just like I didn't share my excitement for any upcoming debuts or music for bts (besides asks) or bp, I also don't defend them here, you say. look. I see stuff on tiktok. I see Jungkook apologizing for his new piercing. I see Taehyung being fed up with comments on lives. I see Yoongi being tired. I see poor Jimin having to deal with the most awkward and disappointing fancall in the world.

just like I see Rosé being (baselessly, ofc 💖) accused of doing drugs, Jennie getting called lazy all over the place, Jisoo "untalented/stiff" (lmao). have you ever seen me bring any of this up?

no. because first of all, nothing I say here, on this blog that not many people even know exists, is going to either ease their pain, or change anything in their lives, and I always tried to keep this a positive space instead, filled with love and support.

the first and only time I ever defended anyone here was Jennie, but that was because someone came into my inbox attacking her. I would do the same for the rest of the girls, and I would do the same for all of the boys, but there was never a need to before, as no one came here to insult any of them. she got attacked, so I said something. it's literally that simple.

5) this whole drama is the exact reason why this blog remains a fanfiction blog only. everything gets turned into discourse. I have said multiple times I don't involve myself in the fandom because I can't stand all the wars and hatred and delusional behaviors. I have clearly said that I love bp, I love bts, I support them and their music but I refuse to dive into the community, since this is how it looks like.

but even without all that, it's my choice to have a fanfiction blog, my choice what I put on it. if any of you think I don't love the boys just because the blog isn't filled with banners that say that, or because I defended bp, you can keep thinking that and let's part ways.

[userblaney]

racism rant part 23456786543245

the double standards are through the fucking ROOF. it actually makes me want to fucking strangle someone. if i get called 'racist, and anti white' for saying that white ppl cannot experience racism and get held back when i have another lesson????? then a pasty ass dude call me, the n word (im fucking brown anyway) IN FRONT OF A TEACHER?? AND NOT FACE ANY CONSEQUENCES??? and if i report them?? i'm 'mistaken' and hes 'just uneducated'??? number one. educate them?? number 2. thats unfair???? these incidents happened when i was 14 btw. but do u know what is even more painful?? when ppl 100% know what they are doing, what theyre saing and the meanings of theyre actions and consequences. im talking about higher ups, teachers, slt members, shopkeepers, all that. it makes me so fuckING MADDDD. im in a class with one of my friends. she has a pretty noticeable indian accent bc she yk. moved here from india less than 2 yrs ago?? but her english is perfectly understandable. yet this bitch (ofc middle aged cishet white man) decides to pretend he has no clue what shes saying. anD PROCEEDS TO MOCK HER??? the audacity he has. hes also called me the saddest and most awkward person ever for waiting for him to fimish his converstaion. which ok yeah i am, however if alex (white kid) waits for him to finish his convo before asking something. hes polite and well behaved and praised like crazy. its not much but its very worthy of a fucking boot in the face. and if i report him?? im disrespectful. ofc i am. its jus banta inni. cant u take a joke? NOT IF ITS FUCKING RACIST I CANRT. oh yeah dont even count the number of times ive been called paki. another huge thing, im sure poc would relate to (specifically 1st gen immigrants) is being underestimated like fucking CRAZYYY dont even lieeee. when i was in primary, i was rlly good at readinf so like everytime i had a sub or wtvr yeah theyd always b like omg ur english is so good!! no shit i was born here. ur accent is rlly welsh omg i thought itd be different!! no shit i was born here. do you understand what that means?? yeah dw. my personal fave is one where ur doin sumt wrong or zoned out like ill give u an example. the local co op makes a queue for the skl kids since its right by our skl and i was waitin once bc i had to get milk n eggs on my way home innit then. i had a major migraine so i was zonin out all day and i happened to zone out while second in the q. then i was allowed in then for abt 30 secs i dint realize, then atp someone nugded be from behind so. i went in. then the security guard asked me if spoke english??? even tho id spoken to him on previous days bc im a rlly regular visitor???? anyway long story short, id been called a 'fuckin immigrant' but yeah. i'm just mad bc how can ppl who we are supposed to trust treat us like that and thing thats ok????? yeah its nutn new k bye

[p0megranad]

In a manifestation-related funk. What now?

first, I'd like to analyse what may have caused this whole debacle.

one thing I believe contributed to this was my lack of faithfulness to persisting. one minute I'm thinking, "alr, I'm gonna persist by using these specific affirmations and looping them for a couple of days. I'm bound to get results, right?" but then a couple of days later I'm thinking, "bah, I'm the sole power in this reality so what if I don't constantly affirm, I'm bound to get results either way". here, it's not me not constantly affirming for a few days or starting to believe that I don't need to affirm at all that's the problem. it's me not persisting in either of these beliefs. I switch back n forth between them, just running in a circle producing nothing. ofc, I could affirm that my switching back n forth b/w would have no effect on my manifesting but ironically, the lack of logic there bothers me.

my solution: start persisting in the idea that persisting isn't constantly affirming, even when I don't feel it. making manifestation a chore is one mistake that I think we'd all made. I need to understand that manifesting is customisable. what you say goes, literally.

another is that I need to stop trying out every new method that pops up on here. I want to make manifestation work for me the way I want. in the past, I'd tried the void, guided meditations for shifting, and sleep paralysis-inducing meditations. through all of these, I'd learned that I didn't enjoy lying still or relaxing my body gradually, all of it was uncomfortable for me. I'd feel stiff, itch here and there. naturally, I didn't give up and tried again and again, yet the discomfort persisted and I started feeling so mentally drained after each try. but the seductive voice of those methods saying, "hey, it might just work if you try again. who cares if you're exhausted, don't you want your dream life. I mean, no pain, no gain, after all, yea?" tempted me to try it again and again, slowly draining myself and finally exhausting myself and giving up. the void slowly became an object of great mental torture rather than the peaceful haven it was supposed to be.

my solution: stop trying other ppl's methods. it may work for others but not for me. manifestation is flexible. it is accommodating. I need to come up w a method that is neither mentally nor physically taxing bc again, what I don't want is for manifesting to become a chore.

one more is that i keep changing between beliefs. for example: thinking "oh, it takes 3 days max for me to manifest" but then half n hour later deciding that 3 days was much too long and that I'll now manifest in an hour max. the switch up right there would be enough to give anyone whiplash. tho, to me there isn't much of an issue in logic, I'm yet again not being faithful to one belief and thereby failing at persisting.

my solution: create manifesting rules for myself and stick to them. doesn't matter how but we are not tossing ourselves back n forth, we are not a shuttlecock.

I think I'll be posting my manifesting rules tomorrow once I get back home from school tomorrow. (my having to go back to school is yet another thing I kind of failed to manifest but I'll talk ab that at some later date.) anyway, I'm feeling a lot lighter but getting all of this off my chest. I think I'll be using tumblr as a diary to record all of this so expect to hear a lot of whining and the like from me. if you see this, I apologize in advance :). and who knows, perhaps all this venting cleared some kind of blockage in my belief and I'll wake up with my dream life gasp. we'll just have to see, yea?

your friend, d

[symptoms-syndrome]

You do yoga for your chronic pain, right? How long do you do it for? How much does it help?

I do! Among other treatments, ofc. I do take medication as well, and try to get other exercise in when I can, in addition to general small stuff like trying to fix my posture when I notice myself slouching and such. Granted, I've sort of built up a lot of little things over a long period of time, so.

As for how long, I've been doing yoga in general for a very long time. I had VHS tapes that would guide you through poses and breathing when I was little, I used to attend a yoga studio in my teens, that sort of thing. I've never been incredibly gung-ho about it but it's been a low level thing in my life for a while. I started getting back into it more when I tried it for chronic pain.

If you're asking how long I do it per day, it's usually less than 10 minutes. I try to just do a couple things in the morning and/or evening rather than overextend myself with an hour long routine or something. On the weekends or when I have the time/energy, or if there's a particular spot that feels tense, I might do a longer session until I feel better. Sometimes I just do something like child pose for a minute or two before bed/sleep, and/or cobra pose or cat/cow pose when I wake up and my back is all fucked. Sometimes it can just help to know how to move to stretch specific things when they hurt.

How much it helps is hard to measure, given it's not the only thing I do. I would say it usually makes a noticable difference if I'm targeting a certain spot, and can sometimes be enough to bring me from "I want to just lay in bed" to "yeah I can probably go out to dinner and a movie." It certainly doesn't bring me from "I want to lay in bed" to "let's go for a hike!" though, and when I'm in extra pain I generally take my flare medication in conjunction with stretching exercises.

Also some of it can be hard to measure because some of the things I do are for building core strength or other types of work that are "build slowly over time" type goals. My back pain is significantly lesser than before I started because I've built strength to support my body and am sort of training my muscle memory (or something) into better posture, but that didn't happen overnight. Additionally, it would depend on the type of pain. It really really helps target my muscular pain more than nerve pain, for example.

Overall, it is genuinely something I would suggest for people with chronic pain if they are willing and able, as it has benefits beyond pain relief as well. For example, while holding child pose before bed does also stretch out your spine and lower back which can help pain, it also is just calming and relaxing, which can help me get to sleep easier even if I'm still in pain. Painsomnia is real, and sometimes just some deep breathing can take my mind off it and help me relax enough to sleep through the pain. I also think it can help with a lot of the smaller level pains that can have a harder impact on people who are already in different types of pain, so it might not fix scoliosis pain but you could do some poses that help alleviate other discomfort, like tense shoulders or gas/bloating (there are actually poses for that! And they help it's kinda incredible LOL)

TLDR; I do find it very helpful for me, but manage your expectations and use it in conjunction with other recommended pain relief treatments.

[noa-ciharu]

003 for both Subaru and Kamui??? 💕💕

YES! Two sad gay disasters i LOVE them <3

I’ll skip fave friendship one because I’ll put that under favorite non-romantic relationships.

Subaru:

How I feel about this character: sad little unfixable man. Every character ever is getting character development, he got character regression (joking obvs since his whole character is based on tragedy where he can't break free from self-destructive patterns and see worth in himself; nonexistent coping mechanisms 😞). I like how complex/human he is. That part of how his innocence was ripped away from him and how he entered adulthood broken and lonely - it hits too hard. I love how despite everything he's been through he's still kind and considerate (I'd say put others before himself but that one turned pathological in his case). For example, when he was blinded Subaru's priority was to comfort Kamui and explain how none of it is his fault - all while bleeding to death pretty much. My new OTP: Subaru and therapy! (Unrealistic)

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: I used to ship him with Seishirou only but now I ship him with Kamui too. Beside that, I'm rarely strictly against ship so any reasonable ship with another male would be okayish to me I guess?

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: ofc Hokuto! I love how she grounds his worries and reminds Subaru to take care of himself. Also Subaru totally needs someone cheerful and bubbly like that to bring him out of his blues from time to time (that thing with Yuzuruha in hospital scene in X was cute also, but I feel like Subaru was far too gone by that point to be 'brought out of misery' via cheerfulness). If we're not shipping him with Kamui then their friendship too.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I think I mentioned this before but I like his clothing style in X? It’s significantly toned down from some of his outfits in TB. And that’s the whole point - he doesn’t want to stand out and probably feels more comfortable ‘in the shadows’ like that. Also his selflessness and self-sacrifice in TB is certainly praise-worthy but it also pathological? One thing is to empathize with other’s pain, but quite another to feel that amount of pain and wish to help others at cost of your own wellbeing (allowed to be attacked/injured few times, wanted to donate a kidney to boy he met day ago, self-neglect etc.). Yet even if selflessness is his major trait, he certainly possesses ability to be selfish and ‘less than pure’ (and that’s good!). Similarly Subaru does have a backbone and won’t back down when something isn’t right with him. Just unfortunately has critically low self-value and rarely, if ever, fights for himself 😥 It’s always for someone/something else.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: therapy I wish we got to see some of Subaru during 9 years time skip. How did his wish change into suicidal one? When did he realize he’s “sick in the heart” as he put it? What about cigs? Gradually getting more and more distant? When did anger subdue? Wish we got vol or two separate manga on that period. Also Sakurazukamori!Subaru, so want to see how he handles being an assassin and if he’s more well put than prior to Seishirou’s death (or if he got even worse). Also I wish we got a longer fighting scene between him and Seishirou, filled with tension and more angst (but X is shojo and all fighting scenes are actually hella short). Also his ceremonial robes 🥺

My crossover ship: I think Sakurazukamori!Subaru and TRC!Seishirou meeting in X!Tokyo would make an interesting and angsty fic. TB!Subaru and X!Kamui would make a cute (and blushing) combo - and we already have them in Horitsuba. They’d hold hand and blush to point of passing out pretty much. As for friendships, I think Subaru and Watanuki would get along. Also in TRC if vampire twins were to meet again (under more calm circumstances) with main gang, I believe Subaru would get along with them instantly. Kamui tho, he’d need time to get domesticated but would accept them eventually (after Kurogane calls him out on being a hissing cat most likely).

Kamui:

How I feel about this character: he gradually became one of my fav clamp characters; second actually after Subaru. I like how confused he is about world around him and himself and character shift he undergoes through. At first he was lashing out in misguided attempt to protect not only those he cares about, but himself as well (still, I like what little fierce brat he was, bc his actions did make perfect sense considering his background). Then after tragedy struck, instead of fighting recklessly he seals the holy sword and seeks answers instead. He softens from all hardships, matures and begins forming connections with others instead of pushing people away. Truly an unique character arc since most of protagonists go in reverse. Also how Clamp made him so goddamn beautiful like that, I have no idea.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: I ship him mostly with Fuuma and Subaru. Since X is basically Kamui and people who got to caress his cheek and pat his hair, I suppose I wouldn’t mind ship with Keiichi or some other male character. That puppy crush thing with Kotori was cute but idk, I have hard time picturing anything more serious than that between them. I honestly doubt anyone ships them for real tho. I know half of Clamp's characters are bi but I have hard time picturing Kamui with a woman tbh

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: friendship he has with Seals (mainly Sorata, Yuzuriha) and one with Keiichi. He seems draw towards cheerful optimistic sun-type of people - they can lift his mood up at least. Same as above, if we’re not shipping them, then Kamui’s friendship with Subaru.

My unpopular opinion about this character:I don’t think he’s weak at all? Emotionally I mean (bc he’s physically OP, a god basically). Yes he grieves, he angsts and regrets things but considering all traumas and hardships he’s been through that’s all to be expected. Take TB!Subaru for example and try to place him in Kamui’s place - he wouldn’t be able to take it imo (bc of self-destructive amount of empathy and self-blaming tendencies; Kamui has them too but when something bad happens Kamui thinks of himself as incompetent, not a bad person). Excluding that one time after Fuuma’s ‘betrayal’ and Kotori’s death when he had nothing to live for, Kamui managed to push himself over every highly traumatic thing (sometimes with little help of others). Tho, whatever his real wish is there is a very good reason why Kamui is unaware of it; it’s probably ego-dystonic to him and he subconsciously rejects it. Also once saw people bashing on TRC!Kamui for attacking main crew and almost murdering Syaoran but? I think his actions were reasonable considering: what type of world acid Tokyo is (short on resources), Subaru being asleep underwater and Kamui wanting to wake him up asap, main crew are strangers to him, Seishirou potentially catching up with them etc. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: clamp let him have one angst free day plz beside obvious X ending I wish we got to see more mundane carefree moments with Seals. Of course, X isn’t that sort of manga so we should count our blessings that we were given at least some cute moments between Seals (such as friendship between Sorata and Kamui (how Sorata said Kamui would be great housewife and Kamui just, didn’t react 🤣) or one with Yuzuriha (that cookie scene 🥺)). Beside that, I wish he’d just sit down and talk with Fuuma. No fighting and stabbing (not even homoerotic one, it'd serve as distraction), no shouting, no omission or double meanings - just honest (and probably angsty) conversation. But I feel like that would solve the apocalypse so it’s understandable something like that didn’t happen.

My crossover ship: same as above, X!Kamui and TB!Subaru would make a cute pair; two blushing idiots in love and neither knows how to make a move - sign me the fuck up. TRC!Kamui (yes, that feisty one) and X!Fuuma after his transformation would be fire 🔥😈 They’d argue, fight (TRC!Kamui would sooo fight back instantly, might even attack first), then make-out furiously. Fic material honestly. Since Kamui has no idea how to handle overly eager people, for friendship I suggest Tomoyo. She’ll put those cat ears on him under 5 mins. Similarly if Hokuto was alive in X she’d so dote on him and Kamui would have no clue how to handle that since he’s bad with overly eager people. She’d rope him into one of her creations 300%

Original ask

[renticat]

I wish but I can't because some people have no luck and yeah some people are just shitty anyway even the person who supposed to love you.

But again what's bare minimum? The standard are so diverse from one person to another

Well for me, bare minimum is like what you need to keep alive, food, clothes, book to write as a child and home without no constant yelling and beating but I guess is already too high and for some it was like the default set up.

This is funny okay I kinda mad because tumblr is not consistent on their font and I really picky on little things but the app is not better either so yeah I SHOULD just keep writing but you know my mind is not that great as it's always been on too much pressure since the beginning.

One one rainy day back then in 2015, I am about to get into my class which I don't remember what lol but I do remember vividly that I am using this white sweater because it's cold but I didn't know that it was gonna rain and I hate it cause it's white and gonna get so much dirt cause ofc it was raining. I cared too much and anxious bout it until my friend realized (well we're not that close but aren't everyone in your class automatically be your friend?)

Saying what happened? Aren't you putting your priority wrong, instead of worrying so much about your sweater you didn't worry about yourself, your body cause you can catch the cold but the sweater is just sweater. Damn, I can't process my thought at that moment cause I was too stunned too speak.

It was because since I was a kid I always raised to be fucking worry about small things, like breaking the glass it could get me so much trouble even when i was just 4yo which is very common but I never really have this kind of thought in my head (to care about myself) but worry about cleanliness bullshit all fucking things that ofc will break one day cause my father just love to be angry at me and calling me stupid and worthless.

Not hiding it anymore but I guess my brain was too fucking broken (and still is but I'm trying to learn better way to approach things and think about another positive point of view) but also it's so hard. It's hard and this friend who point out to me about my crazy worriedness and agitation about my sweater getting dirty instead of me catching the cold kinda open my eyes about the self love itself.aq

It was so fucking strange for people with childhood ptsd like me cause everytime i fell from the bike or my scooter they asked if the scooter is fucking okay and not me, instead they're so angry and saying how could you become so stupid and reckless. See you're truly a destroyer.

And my pain is not coming from why they didn't care about me but overthink about their words like yeah why am i fucking stupid and can't doing fucking things right.

Like this mentality they build up on me, it's cruel and like poison to my body but they wondering why i wanted to check out from this life very soon. I felt so unloved but i didn't have the words for it because i believe i can only got some love when i did sometimes remarkable which also not true because since I was a kid i was like top 3 students on the class (no I actually always be the first) but then they see it as just meh, like it was expected from me cause you don't work and only eat go to school ofc you should have good grade.

Fuck. That's when I remembered now my friend said if I were you my parents would give me anything I asked for. Like gifts. Wow. Like I only get dissatisfaction because they never vocal about love (or maybe they just not proud enough) but ALWAYS LOUD TO POINT OUT MY MISTAKE. the sadder things is they don't treat my sister this way. Because she is younger. Their words when she's only ONE YEAR FUCKING YOUNGER THAN ME. I kid you not. Since I was three ( I already have sharp memory probably because I am an 🐘 lol) I was always just playing with myself as they're busy with my sister and since i got in kindergarten they always saying me to protect her and be a good example when fuck you parents it's your job and she's not even that younger than me.

But I was craving for love and I did that, my best and that's shows from my mark in school also I was very religious even when I was just kid (as kid absorb nonsense quickly also they can't think for themselves just yet) I can read arabic when mostly my peers still struggle and even my sister hate to learn the hijaiyah (the arabic alphabet) and refuse to partake on studying that when I was already so good and can read Quran (cause you know it's step by step learning as they combine every letter and the shape changes) and yeah yada yada yada it's in the past.

I was always too mature for my age and I know I love childish things probably my revenge cause I can't do it those things back then cause I have to be the big sister. Big fucking sister and she even hates me because i guess she think I am being smart pants when if I didn't do that parents hates me for not showing her the fucking right way to life. Fuck.

I iron my uniform bu myself, for some people.is amazing like 4yo know how to do that washing, cleaning up the house, but for me it's just a burden and my sis is never get her hands dirty at all cause it's like only my chores. The resentment building up over years, also my curiosity never stops (thanks for encourage me to read even when I was 4 I was too early to know about rape but I read the newspaper and I understand the world, learning things everyday). It only makes me grow bitter and darker, it robs me joy being a child i told you, this so called truth of life i mean cause child they just read the things they told them to read but I already learn the translation of that (tafseer) and growing so religious to the point i never asked and just believe. Not until I got better in English and read many English books, fiction and non-fiction that now I know philosophy also not everyone is believing the same shit. I mean I aware back then not everyone is believing same things but mostly they're believing the things that handed down to then from their parents. Because if you don't you're the problem and rebel in the family and ofc I don't want that as I still long for love.

But the love is never come and so I got into dark deep shit about ending it all before all my own process thoughts is the one who set me free from all the chains they've been put on me before when I can't even say no cause it's just what everyone does here.

It's the best thing. For them. Not for me

And we can agree to disagree but look at the world rn. They choose war over peace because they cared so much to prove the truth when truth is we should love each everyone the same and trying for the best to help each other and nature so it won't fall apart and more broken day by day.

[gatzbright]

4, 7, 54 🫶🫶🫶

hi sappy! ♥️ 4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

they honestly just come out of nowhere like i feel like its different every time! i'll be experiencing a Moment irl and then be like OH this could work as a fic somehow and then the plot (or no plot had the time it's just Fic) will just snowball in and i know what i wanna write. or i'm listening to a song and the lyrics hit me and a fic forms. a lot of the time too i feel like ideas just drop into my head from absolutely nowhere, and it feels the same way when writing. words are magical in that way ya know. i love it :)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

for me it depends on the context of the fic, because almost every time i will know straight away who's pov the story has to come from—like it just makes sense. for example 'invisible smoke' my archer fic just felt like it HAD to come from dream's pov bc it was centred around the hardships he faces almost daily being so in the public eye, and i wanted to delve into his inner world during all that (god it's painful ... april is the cruelest month). and then other fics like 'corduroy' felt straight away like a george pov bc he's watching dream's experience at twitchcon for the first time from the outside, and gosh it was months ago now but i think i wanted to write dream getting comforted, and us all getting to read that comfort too because we knew he would've been so anxious. and i think it also depends on who i feel like i can relate to more in the situation, like 'homesick' was me heavily projecting onto george bc i'd just moved across the world a few months prior and was .. struggling to say the least lmao. but i then began wondering what george would feel when he moved bc it's very conflicting emotions to experience when you know you're in the place you've been longing to be for ages yet ur heart is aching for home—but maybe more so memories, and a time u can't go back to. phew. yeah!

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

ohmygod i love it all so much where do i start ... starts sobbing. fanfiction is such a unique thing to experience, both in reading and writing it, and i could talk about it for an eternity. i love being able to hyperfixate on one specific universe and group of people, a main ship that is predominately always a soulmates kinda love, and then just getting to exist in this world and community with so many other people who adore the same things, write the same things, and read it all as well; it's just so damn fun—which is something all of us understand i know lol. you can disappear into the community whenever you want bc it's always there for you—and the friends you make along the way are too! fics are an easier way to write as well, less pressure (when i'm not too in my head) on the story and its weight since the both the writer and reader already know all the context for the world the characters (or in our case real people ofc) live in, and it just makes it so much easier to write a little or a longer fic and already have that all established. and us writers get to write so much, get lots of practice, and just enjoy it (most of the time lmao), and we also get to hear feedback and just give out lil bits of joy with each fic we write. i think that's one of the most lovely things; hearing that your words made someones day and made them smile. comments are the most beautiful thing and i am grateful for every single one i've gotten (please leave comments on the fics you love bc it makes the author's day!). gosh i love creating. life can be very lovely at times like these :)

[justsomeoneunordinary]

I guess that one of the reasons why people hate Hiruzen so much is because he was a bit of a pushover, and could've been more firm in his decisions. Leaving Orochimaru alive and the handling of the Uchiha Massacre are probably the biggest ones. Ppl probably hate Jiraiya solely for the Peeping Tom trope. Both of them never getting 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 push-back for these flaws by the narrative, despite their awful actions, definitely doesn't help. What other villains do u like to hate? Mine's Kabuto!🤓

no, see, i fully get why people don't like them. i'm no fan of either of them either. but hatred is just such a strong intense feeling for a character that is at the end of the day just badly written and don't even have that much of a prominent presence. the sheer energy that goes into hating them is just baffling to me.

if hiruzen had deliberately been written with a dark side, if he had been a man who had shown a kind grandfatherly facade from the outside but done deep fucked up shit (such as deciding the uchiha must die because of the coup) in the shadow, now that not only would make him a well written, more realistic character, but also would deserve the hatred he gets.

like danzo? he is a well written character. his motivations make sense. he's power-hungry and abuses his powers and truly believes do konoha good with what he does. he deserves hatred. (tho tbh i find him too fascinating bc of all this to hate him either lol)

as it is, however, kishi meant to show hiruzen as the good kind guy whose kindness leads to leniency (? is that the right word? i'm too lazy to look it up) which is a flaw but still means to show how good he is. and that's just boring. to feel such strong hatred against such a poorly written character is beyond me. if anything i hate kishi for his poor decisions and not hiruzen for being written poorly...

as for jiraiya, he's a character in a shonen manga. ofc there must be at least one pervert man. what shonen manga doesn't have a jiraiya? and i'll be honest - the whole pain arc with jiraiya's death is so well done and heartfelt and i cry every. single. time during it. where's that post that says "i don't care how bad naruto is, it has heart"? because yeah that. how do ppl not cry at jiraiya's heroic death and naruto's grief??? jiraiya is a good man and he was good to naruto and that means more to me than his perverse behavior and poorly written jokes which are to be expected in any shonen story, so yeah, i honestly truly don't know where ppl find the energy to hate such a character. dislike? yes. hate? no

as for me, i only truly hate villains that are realistic, everyday villains, such as umbrige from hp (yeah yeah ik ew hp in 2k23 but she's a perfect example bc everyone knows her), and naruto doesn't have such villains. i definitely dislike kabuto, he's just so fucking uninteresting and esp sleazy (i don't like sleazy characters like him) and his story went on for far too long, but what i hate more is that kishi gave him a backstory and a redemption arc which he really, really didn't fucking need. kishi couldn't find the time to show us sakura and her parents, what made her decide to become a kunoichi and other personal stuff, but he found the time and space to fit a boring ass catholic backstory for kabuto?????!!!!!!! i'm going to kill him with my own two hands istfg

there used to be sasori but that was back in my deidara fangirl phase when sasodei was all in my face and i couldn't give a shit abt sasori. i still don't care abt this puppet child, the only good thing is that he gave us a badass fight with sakura (and got killed by his own grandmother lmaooo get wrecked) but i don't hate him anymore as i used to once bc he's not so prominent anymore

the only characters i truly hate are charas that just fucking annoy me but are so prevalent, so in my face, that i can't fucking ignore them. that's when annoyance turns into hatred, and it applies to no naruto villain anymore for me. or any founders character for that matter, which makes this sub-fandom so relaxing to me

the only villain i hate is kishimoto himself. i want to strangle him and cut off his balls so fucking bad istfg

anyways this got way too long lol sorry abt that

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#10

I'm taking a lot. Maybe 700s. Stressed and I don't want to think anymore. Plus, I'm hoping while I'm coming up I'll be a little motivated to clean my room and get in the shower rq.

AFTERMATH

Uh I only ended up taking 400 and I just passed out after a while. The day after wasn't tooo bad. Was no major weird feelings I just had a really hard time waking up

NOTES/EMOTIONS

R has been having health issues and I have this random brown spot on my finger that's been hurting really bad. Plus, the place I interviewed for ended up not calling me so. Lol. I thought after calling me so soon after they did that screening was a sign. But no. Ig I have 60 days til they won't be considering me at all so I it's possible I'll still get it. But I'm not very optimistic about that

I also just got a letter that my old school is now back to charging me 2k? Don't know how that happened. But I'm not complaining.. Tho they only gave me 12 months to pay it off so. I'm going to have to keep 200 on deck every month for the next year or so

I think I'm going to get started with the work from home shit. I didn't really want to. I was trying to avoid having to fake being cheery for 8 hours a day but my dad said no to the one place I was pretty much guaranteed to get in, the other place interested in an interview ghosted since I took 3 days to get back to them, and the other place I interviewed for never called back. So until I start getting offers otherwise, ig this is my only option

R is kinda. Been a sore subject for me for a little bit. I feel like now that I've shifted my thinking about us, I am a lot less upset about her getting sad/happy about nonsense going on with her partner. You know the saying if someone loves you, you'll know? I think that I haven't been as slick with my feelings as I thought.

Her health issues have been leaving her spiraling and getting high to deal with the pain. That plus her girlfriend has been being really weird about her issues. She keeps dipping. It grosses me out a lot tbh. But anyway yeah. All that going on has been affecting her alot. To a point where she forgot my birthday completely. And I wasn't even upset. I never even thought about being mad. She was kinda beating herself up over it, and at one point was just mad that even after all that going on on my end and all that she's "done" I was still worried about her. And it made me look at myself like oh my god..

I still doubt if my feelings are fr but it kinda seems like it's obvious now. But I kinda feel bad that I can't hide it. On one hand, I'm partially glad cause I can be an example of what it really looks like and maybe someday it'll make her look at her relationship critically. But on the other, I hate that I can't respect her relationship more you know? I'm sure anyone can see it atp and it makes me sad that like. I could possibly cause problems down the line. What if someday her girlfriend gets mad that she's still friends with someone that so clearly has feelings for her? Or like what if someday she does end up breaking up with her girlfriend and then she feels obligated to feel the same towards me? Or what if I'm making her feel guilty for not treating me the same way i treat her even though it's literally not in her hands? Just like.. i hate that I can't just switch this shit off. Or better cloak it.

Ofc like, I guess you could see it as me being a really good friend but I feel like everyone sees through that at this point. It just makes me feel powerless and I feel so horrible that I'm causing problems just by existing atp

Oh I forgot to include this. The rant I did on my sister's relationship is a general gist of what I feel like I'm seeing from my best friend's relationship. So, I can't even blame her for being a dumbass rn. And I don't really want her now cause of that anyway. Well. Not like that. I do but. I'd rather her come to me with a clear head than coming to me as a rebound. Plus, if she's away from her girlfriend off of shit that's not either on her own terms or something that she's already processed and alright with, it wouldn't be worth it. I'd rather her learn the lesson and not endlessly chase no matter how much she's put through.

Bruh. Should I be learning that lesson?? My lordddd. ALRIGHT BUT. She doesn't do the shit TOOOO hurt me and I haven't opened up about half of it. ANd and the shit we actually talked through she was quick to fix it. So to meeeeee even though I'm not getting the same energy back, it's not something I can compare to that shit. She's not treating me poorly even after and I'm not changing myself to accommodate her. SO. I'm diff. Ish

I'm gonna clean now. Or something. I'm going to spiral if I dig any deeper into what I'm thinking rn.

[mostly-mundane-atla]

Hey! I'm indigenous (cherokee) and I just read your post about the blood bending being a metaphor for generational trauma, and I wanted to ask you if it was a topic you felt comfortable talking about, what were your thoughts on the puppet master episode, when Katara was taught bloodbending? This isn't a leading question, I just genuinely would be interested to hear another indigenous person's perspective on it. 🥺

Ofc it's a heavy topic too, so if you don't have the emotional capacity or even a want to dive into it, I totally get it, and ya can feel free to delete this ask all together.

Don't worry, I'm actually pretty open to talking about this sort of thing!

The Puppetmaster is one of my favorite episodes. I think it's very well-paced and it definitely does a good job reinforcing the themes present throughout the series. It puts a very tragic spin on the first time we see Sokka and Katara's village and seeing the Fire Nation ship in the first episode hits different after watching it. I think the scene where it shows the waterbenders fading away until Hama is the only one left in her flashback is very effective in its use of imagery.

I'm less thrilled about how the fandom insists that Hama did nothing wrong.

Yes, Hama is a Native elder woman with a lot of trauma. That doesn't mean she can't be toxic and cruel. The fandom has some major issues when it comes to accepting that female Water Tribe characters can be complex people who greatly impact the plot and setting with their choices. It's probably the racism.

I read something about Mae Whitman (the voice of Katara) saying that this episode was very tough because of how emotional it is, and i can see why. Katara has spent her entire life in fear, knowing that for some reason, the Fire Nation came after people like her. She found someone from her culture, someone who can answer her questions, a survivor. But this newfound mentor, this person who was a victim but made it out alive just like her, to whom she feels she owes alliegeance because they faced the same violence, turns around and says "I went through this so you have to live through it too." And no amount of "please" or "you don't have to do this" makes her stop.

Not until Katara makes her stop.

There's definitely a struggle being Native because you're supposed to have other Natives' backs because racists will look for inconsistencies and twist it into something that supports whatever dumb shit they think justifies our extinction. It can be hard to speak up if one of your own has hurt you because then you open up your entire community and more to criticism, knowing that most of it (for example "they sit around getting money from the government") is entirely undue and little if anything will actually be done to help you.

When Katara cries at the end of that episode, it's because she thought Hama was someone she could trust. She thought that Hama could be proof that you can suffer the worst and still be someone who doesn't take that suffering and inflict it on weaker people in turn. But that wasn't the case. Hama took a product of her trauma and hatred and pushed it on Katara. Hama kept that cycle going, used Katara for the exact purpose of keeping that cycle going. And some part of Katara is terrified she'll perpetuate it too, and she has good reason, she almost does in The Southern Raiders.

I think Hama could have done with being humanized more, maybe having what she does built up over a few episodes and then it's like a "so all those rumors, they were about you?" moment. But I don't think it's fair to say that she does nothing for Native fans as she is. I have grown up and gone to school with kids who dealt with anti-Native racism, both personally and with how it's affected earlier generations, and were beaten, treated as a burden, neglected, or otherwise unsafe in their own homes. I have my own family drama I don't talk to anyone about that has scarred me in ways I'll never be able to forget. There's value in that pain being validated.

[ackermanshoe]

So since I became a rivamika anti ( que my bio ) I apperently lost my right to speak on rivamika 🙄 but this b!tch @ackermanshoe dared me to post a verryy unbiased and veery angry analysis on

Why "call your name" is about rivamika - from Levi's pov.

Since I failed music in high school I don't know shit about music or anything so it'll be purly based on lyrics ok? Ok

• "Call your name" OST on attack on titan, lyrics I'll be pointing out •

Okay so the first paragraph goes

"she lost her brother a month ago (...) and it reminds me when she brings me coffee..."

So apperently if your a delusional rivamika anti like me you'd go under rivamika posts and comments " oMG leVi iS liKe MikAsA's olDeR bRotHer 🥰" but I have to be honest and say that this is pure bullshit 🙄 or whateveRr. Anyway if you're smart like Ackermanshoe and other rivamika shippers ( 🤢 ) then you probably consider Eren as mikasa's brother because of the way she looks after him, and them essentially being a family after mikasa's actual parents died. So in my unbiased theory I'd have to agree that this song is from Levi's point of view, after the war has ended.

( Oh and thank you @thegloomybrat for telling me about this song it's painful :D I love it ! )

Of course from Levi's point of view Eren would be mikasa's brother or something alike because of their dynamic, like I said before Levi is the reality that Mikasa strays away from and he brings her back.

"and it reminds me"

Here Levi digs deep into the past, recalling all his memories not only Mikasa killing Eren but also the war in general. "When she brings me coffee" OKAY IMMA BE HONEST HERE, even if I am a rivamika anti I have to say this is a freaking dead giveaway like (????!!!) Coffee is basically tea but for people who has no will to live and the one person who drinks tea more than anyone else in the series??? Yeah that's fucking right, it's Levi. Since unlike the entire fandom, I'm a SMART anti I can see this fact with my eyes closed. Hence in the first few lines Levi refers to Mikasa loosing Eren ( a month ago ), then he remembers the past when Mikasa brings coffee ( tea ) to him.

" I wish I could be with her till my last day" ( I'm crying 😭 )

Okay so in this Levi's point of view is clear as fuck, he loves Mikasa and wants to spend the rest of his life by her side. Note: this is the past Levi saying he wished he could stay with her until the end.

"she said she gave all her love to me, we dreamt a new life, some place to be at peace" Levi is probably implying that Mikasa cares about him now. Idk how, after reading this verse ANYONE could even think this is about anyone else but Levi and Mikasa. After all Levi's teashop dream and mikasa's desire to have a family all lead to a peaceful quiet life doesn't it? Mikasa returning to a ordinary girl is also her having a peaceful life. " She said She gave all her love to me' idk about y'all but this gives me hints of some promises, it's such a rivamika thing to do in my opinion.

"I lost my dreams in this disaster"

They BOTH dreams of the same peaceful life, but they both had to let go of what they WANT in order to survive, the disaster that got in the middle is the rumbling.

Now for the chorus

"I'm crying missing my lover.."

Okay so idk if I talked about this enough before so I'll quickly touch on the fact that Levi "doesn't know " why Mikasa is SO attached to Eren is because he is jealous. 😒😒 Yeah okay y'all may have won this but even in my anti rivamika Goggles I can see his surpassed jealousy. THINK about it ? Levi is always on the frame when Mikasa is concerned for Eren and he always somehow breaks their convos it's a low-key thing Levi does but the tension is there. It's like when a newborn child is born and the mother gives all her time to the child because it's her child and the father often gets jealous because of it. No matter how you think about it Levi never had someone care for him in such way, even if it ain't romantic, it's jealosuy in some way or another. From his dead mother to uncle Kenny who left him, to countless deaths of his friends and comrades he had to bare it alone and carry it on his shoulder for so long. He is the definition of being lonely at the top, because of his strength. But not with Mikasa, the care she shows for Eren is unlike any other characters care in the series, in my unbiased opinion ( for the 50th time) Levi wants to be treated the same way. And he knows that Eren doesn't appreciate mikasa nearly enough. And no one better then Levi knowns what it's like to miss love from your life.

And so I have to say that he is missing her although he has been living with Mikasa ( and others ) for so long. Let's not forget that Levi is the most emotional character in the anime so obviously if from his POV he said he was crying missing his lover - being loved by Mikasa and added "I don't have the power on my side forever" he knows his weakness and it makes complete sense lmao. Alluding to "humanity's strongest" everyone thinks you're always strong but the fact Levi is actually emotional which is why he doesn't have the "power on his side forever".

"Oh where is my lover" again I have been saying this man is the most patient thing when it comes to mikasa and this is what I mean.

"I'm standing alone (....) Calling out you're name" so this is me referring to my previous post where I mentioned the unnatural amount of time Levi called mikasa's name through out the whole manga. It's sad but Levi has always been alone hasn't he? Even when he had Erwin and hanji and his old squad he was always a lone man due to his powers, I could see the barrier that his power puts between him and everyone else ( apart from Mikasa ofc). But it's strange because y'all remember Mike ? He was thought to be only 2nd best to Levi and yet he was still not nearly there. Interesting.

This could be a example of what I mean I say he is a lone man. After all his future wife and soulmate is literally busy babying another man right Infront of him ( no wonder he looks pissed of all the time lmao 💀 ).

Finally "calling out your name"

"MIKASA? MIKASA!! MIKASA.."

That was 90% of Levi's lines in the recent chapters lmao. I interpret this as Levi knowing this is the conclusion to Eren and mikasa's story and he knows he is the one who can get Mikasa back to reality. He finally called out her name, it's not even a freaking joke, he was literally calling her name and saying her name to himself ughh. Anyway like I said it's like he has accepted a part of him that he kept hidden for a while and now something new has awakened.

IN CONCLUSION, rivamika shippers kinda won this battle 🙄💔 and but tbh as an anti I have to admit that everybody is so wrong if they think this song is about anyone else but Levi and Mikasa 🤡🤡. It's clearly from perspective of Levi from the future who is remembering the past and his feelings for mikasa during it.

(( This is basically all the lyrics and I can't be bothered with the two different lines in the 2nd verse lmao y'all get the idea that rivamika canon yes? Okay.

Can we normalise using #rivamikacanon everytime we talk about them because 🥵

Thank you all for reading my bullshit analysis once freaking again I love y'all so much it's never r a bad at in rivamika Tumblr 😚😚 I hope this made sense lmao ))

[fairycosmos]

this is random but like obviously we're in an internet culture or whatever where mental illnesses are basically being glamorized under the guise of "awareness" like it's cool to brag about depression/anxiety now and I absolutely hate it like I feel like we're sometimes moving backwards but also with that has come this weird "anti-recovery" stance a lot where like people completely disregard like meditation or going on a walk because they're like "OH YEAHHHH thankksss my depression is cured now 🙄" and like obviously no one is saying depression goes away by doing that stuff but it also makes life more enjoyable?? like going on a walk on a sunny day definitely brings more happiness to you than laying on your bed in the dark that can't just be disregarded because it's not a full on cure (also, meditation has quite a bit of science surrounding it about it's effects on the mind). i saw a tweet earlier that was like "students with anxiety should not be forced to present in class" and I understand the sentiment (and I also understand it's not the same thing as my example before) but as someone who had severe anxiety since childhood, like literally would cry before presentations, being forced to do presentations is what made me slightly less anxious. ofc it's not the same for everyone but almost every job requires presentations and life in general requires you to speak to people and the whole point of recovery is to be able to function a little bit better in life. idk I feel like the purpose gets ignored so much in the name of accomodations. I'm not saying accomodations shouldn't be made (they absolutely should in many cases) , but I feel like being in that fixed mindset that you're life *can't* be changed for the better is such a dangerous idea prevalent on the internet. sorry for this random rant I just needed to get it out lol

omg yessss >:( lets Dis Cus this bc it irks me too and i can’t sleep. to be honest throughout my teenage years i feel like i’ve noticed this very weird mentality just continue to develop online when it comes to mental illness. on the one hand it’s clear that most ppl esp kids can not afford or do not have access to the treatment they need  - like they don’t have any real world support so they just turn to the internet without thinking too much ab it. but because of that it’s a well of misinfo with literally no boundaries or critical thought. there’s definitely this self pitying competitive almost passive aggressive, even infantilizing, aspect to the way the topic is approached. like most therapists will give you these same standard self help techniques - go for a walk, do some meditation, breathing exercises - not to cure the mental disorder but to alleviate the effects of it in the moment. and i think teenagers or even ppl in general just like brushing that off bc it makes them feel like their pain is just simply too unique and deep to be confronted lmfao. also they often make their depression and anxiety a whole personality trait which causes them to take any well intentioned suggestion offered as a personal attack. when it comes to presenting in class, i’m kinda on the fence. i don’t think anyone should be forced, i think it should be a case by case sort of thing. maybe modifying for each individual child’s needs. for example, if a kid is really anxious over presenting in front of the class, the teacher could perhaps allow them to present in front of a smaller group instead so they still get the experience of public speaking without that much pressure, you know? and then they could work on building up to going in front of a bigger crowd bit by bit. i only say that bc i know different ppl respond differently to that sort of thing and i used to miss a lot of school out of pure (mental illness induced) fear which was just overall bad for me LOL. like you said accommodations come in handy when necessary i totally agree w that. anyway yeah like it doesn’t surprise me that a group of ppl dealing with often untreated mental illnesses can’t see any hope/ don’t believe in self improvement, but it’s super harmful rhetoric to spread as a universal truth bc like. the majority of mental illnesses absolutely CAN be controlled and you CAN live a whole healthy life if you learn how to cope with the specific makeup of you own brain. it’s sad to see children thinking they’re beyond help or a lost cause like that’s truly practically never the case :( theyre not even done developing, nothing is final you know. but ig it really feels that way in the moment and i totally understand that so i won’t undermine it. it just sux to see !! and adults should def be more mindful of that :( dw about the rant i gave you one back lmfaooo x