#i used to obsess over writing tips. did they make me a better writer in the long run? no!

[devotedlystrangewizard]

i truly hate the "never do this thing" kind of advice when it comes to art like. "never shade with black" some artstyles do! "never use said/only use said" have you considered mixing it up depending on tone & relevancy? art has always been and will always be subjective. you cant objectively rate an art piece because everyone views it differently and you cant force your dislike of something onto others

[daddyy333]

Hurt | Joseph Quinn x y/n

if you’d like you can reblog my original work, but please don’t post it without credit. if you take inspiration from my ideas please tag me, I’d like to see how someone else would write it

Word count: 2.2k

warnings: reader gets mugged, reader is stabbed, being in the hospital, mentions of sedatives, reader tases her attacker, Joe beats the attacker up, ?

idk how to feel about this one I don’t really like it but I’m having like a wee bit of writers block so yea

summary: uhhh?

When Joe rose to fame because of his role in Stranger Things 4, so did you a little. Fans quickly noticed there was a certain ring always on his left ring finger, when the others changed every now and then that one stayed. And you two weren’t very good at hiding the relationship, considering you never had to.

Within a month after the release of Volume 1, Joe had to post a few pictures of the two of you with the caption “surprise 😁”. One was of you on your wedding day, another of you two drunkenly singing karaoke on his birthday, one from behind the scenes of Stranger Things, a picture Jamie got of you two sharing a sweet kiss as you cuddled up on the couch.

A few others as well, but now everyone knew he had married the most beautiful woman in existence and were obsessed. You quickly went from having 12 thousand followers to 5 million in the blink of an eye. You were a pretty skilled nail tech, people traveled to have their nails done by you but you had been doing less work since Joe started traveling and you joined him.

With your new found fame also came threats, mean comments, uncomfortable touches in public, a whole list of things. Of course, Joe would never let anything happen to you and nothing really got to you because you know they are just mindless people who have nothing better to do than bother you.

But, whilst you were walking back to the hotel after meeting up with a friend to do her nails, you felt like someone was following you. You sped up but that did nothing, as you were shoved into the alley a few seconds later. You yelped and whimpered as your pepper spray was knocked out of your hand, the taser you usually carry in your purse which was across from you.

He kicked you and said “give me all your money. I know who you are, and I know you have some” “stop!” You cried as he kept kicking you, punching you when you tried to get up. You gasped and groaned, curling to the side as you clutched your stomach, unable to breathe from the harsh kicks to it.

“Come on, you stupid bitch!” He said and turned you over, slapping you. You grunted, tears spilling down your cheeks. “Stop fighting!” He said and pushed your head against a wall, kicking you in the back so many times you thought it’d break.

You tried screaming for help, but he grabbed you by your hair, lifting you up so you would look at him in the face. You couldn’t breathe, you could barely see, and you felt like your hearing was muffled. “Pl- P- Please, s-sto- ahhhh!” You screamed as he took out a pocket knife and pressed against your ribs, the tip piercing through your skin.

“Give me your fucking money!” He said and you sobbed, trying to reach for your purse. He threw it at you and your shaky, probably somewhat broken hand opened it and reached inside, moaning and groaning because of the pain. You found the wallet and gave him the 300 dollars you had with you, trying so hard to regulate your breathing.

He snatched the money and grabbed your purse, taking out your phone and smashing it. You sobbed, coughing Jo some blood. He scoffed and said “your jewelry. Give me your jewelry too”

You took a few gasps of air, squeezing the button on the taser you snuck out of your bag and taser him in his leg. You got up and were starting to get away when he grabbed your ankle, making you fall and shoved the knife between your ribs, making you black out for a second.

Once you were conscious again, you managed to tase him right in the balls. He screamed, falling to the ground. You used whatever strength you could muster up and sat up, tasing him in his stomach and neck, and crawling out of the alley.

You stumbled back to the hotel, grabbing onto buildings and cars and street lamps, your phone wouldn’t turn on so you couldn’t call anyone. You just wanted to get to the hotel before he got to you again. You felt weak, you knew you were bleeding internally but it didn’t seem to have gotten to your heart so there was that.

You walked into the hotel and everyone stared but you didn’t care, you got in the elevator, shaking like a leaf. Your ankle hurt really bad and one of your heels was broken, so it was even harder to stand. You limped and nearly tripped on your way to the hotel room.

You were digging through your bag trying to find your hotel key, and you found it snapped in half. You broke, falling to the ground as you cried, weakly knocking on the door hoping Joe was there. “Jo-…mmh, oh g-god- Joe!” You said, losing your voice from the screaming and the pain.

He opened the door and gasped, he’d never cried so fast in his life. “Oh my- oh my god…how- oh my god y/n!” He said and you whimpered, spitting up blood. He gasped again and said “I need to get you to a hospital!”

He ran back into the room, grabbing one of your bags that he knew had toiletries and some clothes in it as well as his phone and keys and ran back out. “N-no…no hosp- hos- hospi-ital…” you said and he shook his head.

He got you to sit against the wall and said “y/n, there’s a knife in your chest and you probably have countless internal injuries that are going to kill you I don’t care what you want, I want you to live” He scooped you up, biting his lip when you yelled out from the pain.

“You’re okay, you’re okay…try to breathe sweetheart, please” he said, you were still gasping for air, the stab wound wasn’t helping much either. He got you to the car and didn’t care if blood or anything got on the seat, he’d light this car on fire if it meant you’d be okay.

Everything was hazy from there, he remembers panicking when you passed out, speeding so fast he was sure he was going to get arrested and then getting to the hospital. He remembers the nurses asking your name and what happened but instead he just broke down in sobs.

Eventually they gave him a small dose of a sedative to calm him down and he gave them your name and told them he was your husband and you just showed up to the hotel room like that. He really hoped that they didn’t think he did this to you, god he would never do anything even remotely like this to you.

The sedative made him sleepy and they gave him a blanket and pillow and he fell asleep, even though he didn’t want to. He was woken up by the same nurse, 8 hours later at 5am. “Hi, sir…Joseph, right?” She asked and he cleared his throat, sitting up.

He nodded and she said “your wife is okay. She has some broken ribs, a concussion and the stab did some serious damage so she had surgery to correct it and she should be okay. Her wrist on her dominant hand was injured but not a sprain or a fracture or a break, she’ll just need to refrain from using that hand. She has a sprained ankle which she'll wear a brace provided by the hospital to correct. She’s got some major bruising but she’ll be okay. She needs to give her statement to the cops and give them a description of her attacker but she’s really struggling and her heart rate is really high, we’d like to see if having you there might help”

He nodded, biting his lip as tears filled his eyes. She brought him to the room and you were crying, curled into your side, the monitor beeping fast and the cops trying to calm you down whilst another nurse tried giving you oxygen. “Hey, hey, shhh it’s okay…relax, sweetheart it’s okay” he said as he walked over, pushing past the cops and slowly reaching out and tucking her hair behind her ear.

“babe, you’ve got to calm down,” he said, grabbing the oxygen mask from the nurse and putting it over your nose and mouth. He stroked your hair for a few moments, calming you as your body twitched from how bad your anxiety was, and helping you regulate your breathing and form a few clear sentences.

“Who did this to you huh?” He asked, he’d sneakily grabbed the question sheet that the policemen had and set on his lap to look at. “I-I don’t know, Joey…I swear” you said and whimpered, still in a lot of pain. He blinked away a few tears and said “I believe you, y/n…I do. Can you describe what he looks like? Like, hair color, eye color, facial features and stuff?”

You did pretty okay and it was enough for the sketch artist to get a good idea of what to draw. He asked you all the questions and the police wrote the answers down, waiting patiently for you to get through having to relive it in your head.

“You did so good, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you, y/n, you’re so damn strong” he said and you bit your lip, covering your face with your hand as you sobbed, you felt so scared and so anxious. It took some time, and some sedatives but eventually you calmed down and were about to go to sleep, still trying to fight it for Joe.

“Baby…just close your eyes,” he said and you groaned, his fingers making the motion a few inches away from your face. One was already closed practically, it was swollen and bruised and looked so painful. He sighed and rested his head on the bed, playing with your injury-free hand. You sighed and said “fine…but promise you’ll be here when I wake up”

He wrapped his pinky around yours and kissed his hand, and you weakly brought your hands up and kissed yours. He smiled, and you took a deep breath, closing your eyes and quickly falling asleep.

He stroked your palm and up your arm as he said “I’m gonna find who did this to you…and I’m gonna make him pay”

And that he did. A few days later, police found out who he was through security cameras and put a warrant out for his arrest. With some googling and some searching Joe found out his address, and went straight there. He beat him up, worse than what he had done to you before calling the cops and leaving an anonymous tip.

He went home and he said the redness on his knuckles was from hitting his hand on the car door. You believed him. You had no reason not to. The police called some time later and said they had caught him and you broke into tears. He held you as you cried, gentle of your wounds and you sobbed into his chest, all your pain and anxiety and stress spilling out.

“He’s not gonna hurt you anymore…he can’t sweetheart. You’re safe” he said, kissing your head.

Things got better, you went to therapy and your body healed and eventually your mind as well. You stopped working completely for about a year, and Joe was okay with that and supported it. He made enough to support both of you, which was something he’d wanted to do for you since you were teenagers.

All he’s ever wanted was to see you happy. So he works hard so you can stay home where you feel safe, where you can heal. He doesn’t want it any other way. He loves you more than life itself.

But when things got really good you got back into working, and Joe then threw around the idea of you being an actor as well. You did the stupid school, and the plays that made you feel like an idiot just to make him happy, but then you started getting attention from agencies, and directors were reaching out themselves directly to you.

“I told you you were good!” Joe said. You got an agent and did a few small projects and then Joe practically begged on his knees for you to do this movie with him so you did and oh my god people were obsessed. They loved the two of you together, and you two also play a couple in the movie so it was the best of both worlds for the fans.

It was crazy that that one tragic night changed your life in not only a negative way but a positive way too. You never would’ve even considered acting if you hadn’t been looking for a new kind of job. Now you are happier than ever, at the premiere of your biggest project yet with your husband gushing over you to millions of people around the world.

Joseph Quinn, you angel. He was the only reason you were happy right now. You wouldn’t be anywhere without him.

Taglist: @kellysimagines @readsalot73

As of now l'm writing for

Eddie Munson

Joseph Quinn

Jamie Bower

Steve Harrington

Robin Buckley

Eddissy

Maya Hawke

So just comment the taglist you want to be added to and l'll add you :)

[mawofthemagnetar]

Hi, is there any advice you could give to beginner writers? Your works really inspired me as a writer for whom English isn't a first language and i wanted to say thank you so much for that, even if it wasn't intentional. I wanted to try writing something a bit more serious than short fanfiction and i figured you'd be the best person to ask about that. Sorry if it's a bit too weird ^^"

Anon, I'm truly and deeply flattered, and thank you so, so much for letting me know this. This isn't weird at all, and don't apologize for asking!

As for your question, uh...

So, the thing is, I've never, ever taken any sort of formal training for writing or English. I did okay in school, but as far as writing goes, I'm entirely self-taught.

The most basic piece of advice I can give is: For the love of god, use your enter key to break up paragraphs and make sure everything is roughly grammatically correct. That's the single biggest thing to keep in mind.

Aside from that, here are the only real pieces of advice I have:

Write for yourself.

And write the specific content you want to read.

I know that's easy to say, but the thing is, it's incredibly easy for fic you think is killer to get ignored, and at the end of the day you need to be your own target audience. If you ONLY write for numbers or comments or reaction, you're going to go insane and want to quit. Now that's not saying that feedback isn't important- it's critical, and it's a huge help. But having a story you really, REALLY want to see to completion is such a powerful motivator, at least for me. It's the only way you'll have enough steam to keep going for longer works. So, when I walked into the Hermitcraft fandom, I looked around, saw that nobody else was giving Keralis the nightmare monster treatment he deserved, and dove in with both feet.

Another thing:

KILL SECRET RULES.

Full send. Every time. Write something and full send it, slap that shit on Ao3. Obviously edit and spellcheck, but don't get bogged down in "is this good enough". No, it's not perfect. Because nothing created by human hands is EVER perfect. If you agonize over every line you'll hate yourself. So when you have something roughed out, give it a day to rest, give it a polish, and then drop it like a lead potato. It's fanfiction. We're not getting paid. It's for fun!

So who cares if the fic is short? Who cares if the fic is weird? Who cares if it's something odd or strange or whatever? Don't give yourself minimums and requirements and regulations. Let the words do what they will.

Both of these things tie into my biggest single tip, which is:

START WRITING AND DON'T GIVE UP.

The thing is, fanfic is a fantastic way to sharpen your skills. There's an old anecdote about two classes of university students in a pottery class, and how one class was graded on number of pots produced and one was graded on a single pot at the end of the semester. The class that cranked out pots like there was no tomorrow had better clay pots at the end of the day, because they'd put in the time to actually practice pottery instead of stressing over theory!

So just...start. Just open a word document (or a google doc if you're not a piratey pirate like me) and just put some words down. The more you write, the easier it gets.

If you don't have an idea for a story, look for some prompts- or just start asking questions. This is sort of how I come up with plots:

Grab a hermit. Grab your favourite hermit. Your protagonist doesn't have to be a nice person, or a good person, or even a hero at all, but if they're a blorbo it really helps.

Let's say it's Zedaph. Now let's put that fucker in a situation. Think of something you're interested in! For me, I have an extreme obsession with aircraft and aircraft disasters and the wilderness. So, okay, let's do a pilot AU. Now I get to dress Zed up in a pilot costume! (Keralis can be his co-pilot!) It's fanfic- you're allowed to spoil yourself! And then, from there, we make decisions about our story- does Zedaph crash his plane? How do they find rescue?

Plotting a story, at least to me, is about putting these bitches in a situation and then asking questions about how things will turn out based on how these characters act.

So, in general, just... go for it. Your first stories WILL suck. Christ knows mine did. You don't have to post them! But you can. And you might be surprised- because as you grow as a writer and a creator, people will look at everything you've made with very different eyes than you have. Even the old stuff you come to cringe at is often loved by someone, somewhere. (This is why you should orphan old works instead of deleting them, trust me!)

But when you go for it, there's another thing you should keep in mind:

Take breaks. Rest. Take time off. It's not a job and it shouldn't feel like it! Go for a walk. Take a month off. Look at the daisies. Spend time with your family. Real-world experience is valuable to a writer, helping you understand sensations and situations. Reading other people's works is invaluable too, helping you get to grips with stories and plots and all the machinery of narrative. So take time to exist, and take time to consume, and take time to rest.

Take time to be.

To sum up, writing is a game of mental leapfrog where you shuffle puzzle pieces around in your head until they click into some kind of shape. The perfect is the enemy of the good and secret rules will make you insane. The actual act of putting words down is something that absolutely gets better with practice. And you're not a machine, so don't treat yourself like one.

And anyone can write.

I'm not some authority on writing. To be frank, I'm kind of clueless. I don't know the technical terms for things, I'm not an English teacher, and I'm not a professional. This is just my general, overly long thoughts on the matter.

I hope this was even slightly helpful. Go for it, dude. I believe in you!

Oh, and one more thing...

Listen to some Pendulum while you write. <3

[seven-ivy]

About me!

┌────────── ・ ・ ・ ・ ✦

│⁻ ˏˋ꒰ Basics ꒱ ˊˎ⁻

✧ Nikki ♡ 21, she/her, INTJ

Hello! I'm Nikki, the author of Seven (a JJK fic) and this is my page to share my work and other interests and finally start interacting on this platform with other users.

Seven will be slowly updated on AO3 as I have already pre-written some chapters but these chapters are lengthy and take a while to write and read over. Mind the tags!! There will be violence, trauma, and gore in this fic so I will do my best to display trigger warnings.

My ask box is always open, so feel free to ask anything, or just leave a message on whatever you like. At the moment, I don't take requests but that might change in the future.

I will continue to update with my latest work(s) as well as what I'm currently writing.

More about me and my work(s) below the cut! Happy reading!

│⁻ ˏˋ꒰ Writing Q&A ꒱ ˊˎ⁻

✧ Why did you start Seven?

Seven, like all my other writing endeavors, started as a little fantasy in my head as a way to self-insert into every piece of media I consume. I didn't ever think to seriously write it until Gege started upping the angst and breaking my heart in gut-wrenching scenarios when I decided to give into the delusion and finally write something that would distract me from what was going on in the manga.

Being said, as you read Seven you will start to see that it doesn't exactly follow the plot. This is mainly because I wanted to exercise a little creativity with the plot and Gege's mind, though tortured, is genius that I could never try to imitate.

I also feel like there is a lack of OC-driven multilength JJK fics in the fandom (that, or I don't know where to look) so I wanted to try my hand at filling that niche.

✧ How long will Seven be?

... I don't know? Certain parts of the plot have been running through my head over and over for months, but some things I just leave up to the madness that consumes my brain when I'm writing at 2 AM.

Like Nana, even though is an independent original character, I haven't planned out fully what she looks like (just vague references that she resembles Gojo). As I write more, I get to know more about her character, and even though it isn't a very author-like thing to do, it keeps things exciting for me as well.

But don't worry, I have some arcs briefly planned out, and the manga is still ongoing so there will be lots to keep writing about.

✧ What do you write on?

Google docs. Just one very long Google doc that I keep updating. Maybe it's not the best loading wise but I like to keep it all in one place so I can re-read everything in one go to make sure I eliminate any plot-holes that arise.

I also enjoy Grammarly a lot (my savior) and without it there would be many times Nana would become Naan :(

✧ Writing inspo/tips

This isn't my first go at writing a long (40+) chapter fic so I have experienced an immense learning curve during this writing journey.

The first is one that I used to groan at too but it's honestly the best advice. If you want to be a better writer... read more. And I don't mean on tumblr/wattpad/AO3 (how I wish it could be) but actual published novels.

And read from many different genres from many different origins from many different periods. By doing so, you will diversify your vocabulary, your knowledge, and learn the nuances of writing that can only be learned from reading a really good book.

The second is to take the time to find what works. Writing isn't going to look the same for all people. Some people can only write in the early morning, some at night, and a lucky few aren't constricted by the silly hours of time.

Some writers can listen to music, others can't. Some need to plan everything out in obsessive detail, while others just go with the flow.

Take the time to figure out what works best for you and make use of it.

The third is to write more. Simple, but to improve your writing, first you need to get all of the shaky, baby lamb trying to stand on its own, in other words, "bad" stuff out before you can start to see progress. Looking back at my first attempts at writing... I am appalled but grateful that I got through it to get to where I am now. you don't necessarily need to publish it on a platform, but just get it out. Like letting the murky water run out from a tap first before you get it clear.

✧ My recs

Don't know where to start? I'll help you out. Here are some of the media I consumed that put a passion in me to write.

JJK (obvi), old poetry classics, Greek myths and tales, research into Buddhism and Shinto, Madeline Miller novels, The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, Agatha Christie novels, Secret History by Donna Tartt, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë, and The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.

There are many more, but these have stood out to me particularly.

│⁻ ˏˋ꒰ Other fandoms ꒱ ˊˎ⁻

If you've made it this far I'll let you into some other fandoms/communities I enjoy besides JJK:

Mob Psycho, Saiki K, TWST, Demon Slayer, MHA, Castlevania, Mystic Messenger.

I'm not always active in those fandoms and I'm def forgetting some but at some point in my life I'd been very obsessed.

[glaivenoct]

( fanfic wip ask game ) 7 & 9 ?

Ah! :'3 Thank you for sending some of them in! <3

So, like I mentioned with the previous ask, the two main WIPs I'm rotating between this month is a piece for Noct's birthday and an aside piece to my NyxNoct Cagefighter AU. So, I'm gonna answer these for both of those! ^.^

Apologies in advance for rambles :')

7.) Do you listen to music while writing your WIP? If so, what? Do you have a playlist?

Music is a must for any all of my WIPs! Anything I write, I always needs something, even if it's instrumental, to fit the vibe of whatever I happen to be writing in the moment! No distractions, no background TV white noise, no. No! Just no. Only music!!

Noct's Bday Fic: It's funny because I'm actually using the playlist I made for my NyxNoct Masquerade fic. I didn't expect to, but that particular playlist has some good romantic vibes (the bday fic is also NyxNoct, surprise surprise amirite? ^^;) that I'm trying my best to channel in this fic as well.

That playlist has a total of 10 tracks, but for this bday fic in particular, I only listen to 5 of those ten which are;

Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey Young and Beautiful (DH Orchestral Version) - Lana Del Rey I Could Almost Feel You - Owsey Young and Beautiful (String Quartet) - Stringspace Young and Beautiful - Vitamin String Quartet

(oops I did not realize until this very moment that 3/5 of these are different versions of the same song.. heh.) ((shout out to my treasured music buddy Jazz for tipping me off to the romantic Lana vibes waybackwhen))

Cagefighter AU: Listen, hear me out. This AU is my baby ;u; I have cultivated this AU's playlist over the years, and I'm still stupidly proud of/obsessed with it. With a total of 70 songs, spanning 4 hours and 3 mins, according to spotify! (I literally just added a new song to it earlier, once again thanks to Treasured Music Buddy Jazz <;3)

For the aside piece I'm currently doing for this AU - I've been listening to a certain chunk of the playlist, which are 7 tracks in total. They are;

Love The Way You Lie (Part II) - Rihanna, Eminem If You're Gonna Lie - FLETCHER Ghost (Acoustic) - Au/Ra Hate You - Jim Yosef, RIELL Blue - Jennifer Jess Impossible - James Arthur Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

It's a, erm, very feelsy aside piece ;u;

8.) How do you feel about this WIP? Is it frustrating? Fun? Strange? Noct's Bday Fic: This one's been fun but also challenging. Whenever there's a particular romantic vibe I want to nail, the pressure cranks up like 2p938490%, I'm sure any writer can vouch for that. Not only that, but I'm trying to build up my confidence in writing a certain element in this fic. The confidence is not entirely there lmao but I'm determined to adopt the Fuck It mindset and keep rolling with it. I can't get better at it if I don't try, right? We all must start somewhere ^^;

Cagefighter AU Aside: If anyone asked me about Cagefighter AU as a whole, man oh man would I say it's an absolute roller coaster. But like I said before, this AU is my baby, regardless, and it has such a big space in my silly writer heart.

This particular aside, well, it's been I believe a year(?) in the making (life stuff, writer's block, the usual writer roadblocks). I've been reworking what I already wrote for it many moons ago and, this time around, it feels a lot more exciting. It's something that's going to shed more direct light on Noctis' backstory; sort of like a flashback piece of what's already been touched on/mentioned, but I wouldn't necessarily have time to implement in the main story. If you ever catch me rambling about this AU - Noct's backstory means so much to me in this AU, he has been through a lot ;u;

Even if it's feelsy, it's fun and exciting because his backstory means that much to me!!!!! ;u;

At the same time, it is actually a little strange because, despite the AU being NyxNoct, Nyx doesn't really have a part in this aside. And it's so hard not writing Nyx in something?? Not having Nyx there to make all the things Noct's going to go through in this better :')

Also, Ignis is a main player in this aside! And Ignis, typically for me, is the chocobro I probably struggle with writing the most ^^; if I tear out my hair on anything in this fic, it will be the frustration of feeling like I'm not writing a realistic Ignis :') That, and the frustration of nailing the.. Depth of emotions there are supposed to be in this aside.

Really, I can't just wait for that sigh of relief when I finally finish and post this. Nerve wracking as that will be ^^;

Thank you again for indulging me with these, friend! :3

[nopefun]

Interview #494: Ryan Frigillana

Ryan Frigillana is a Philippine-born lens-based artist living and working in New York. His work focuses on the fluidity of memory, intimacy, family identity, and visual culture, largely filtered through the lens of race and immigration. Embracing its plasticity, Frigillana explores photography’s relationship to context as a catalyst for thematic dialogue.

His first monograph, Visions of Eden, was published as two editions in 2020, and is held in the library collections of the MoMA, Getty Research Institute, and Smithsonian among others.

We spoke to find out more about Visions of Eden, his love for photobooks, and photography as a medium for introspection.

Lee Chang Ming Ryan Frigillana

Thanks for agreeing to do this! As we’ve just arrived into the new year, I want to start by asking: how did you arrive at photography and how has your practice evolved so far? Your earlier work was anything from still life to street photography, but your recent work seems to deal with more personal themes.

It’s my pleasure; thank you for having this conversation with me! Wow, looking back at how I’ve arrived at this point makes me feel so grateful for this medium, and excited to think of where it will lead me from here. I came to photography somewhat late. I was initially studying to become a nurse and was set to start a career in that field, but I found myself unhappy with where I was going. My mother was a nurse and I know what goes into being one; it’s not an easy job, and I respect those who do it, but my heart wasn’t in it. I found photography as a creative outlet during that stage of my life, and I’ve clung onto it ever since.

My first exposure to photography (no pun intended) came in the form of street and photojournalism. I would borrow books from the library a lot, consuming works by Magnum and other photographers working in that tradition. At the time, it was all I knew so that’s what I tried to emulate. Even early on in my undergrad career, these modes of creation were reinforced by curriculum and by what I saw from my own peers. My still-life work branches off of that same sentiment: the only names that were ever thrown around by professors were Penn and Mapplethorpe, so that’s who I studied. Thankfully over the years, I’ve been able to broaden that perspective through my own research. Though I don’t necessarily pursue street or constructed still-lifes anymore for my personal work, I’d like to think my technical skills (in regard to timing, composition, light) owe a debt to those past experiences.

I suppose now I’m starting to explore how photography can be used as language, to communicate ideas and internal conflicts. I’m thinking more about the power of imagery, its authorship, its implications, and how photographs have shaped, and continue to shape, our reality. That’s where my work is headed at the moment.

I liked how you mentioned photography as a language, which calls into question who we are speaking to when we make images and what kind of narrative we construct by putting photographs together.

In your work “Visions of Eden”, you trace your family’s journey as first-generation Filipino immigrants in America. I was quite struck by how you managed to link together original photography, archived materials and video stills. To me, with the original photography there was a sense of calm and clarity, perhaps in the composition. But with the archived material it was like peering through tinted glass, and the video stills felt like an unsteady memory. What was the editing process like for you and how did you decide what to include or exclude?

For me, editing is the hardest part about photography. Shooting is the enjoyable part of course because it can feel so cathartic. Sometimes when I shoot it feels almost like muscle memory in the sense that you see the world and you just react to it in a trained way. But with editing, it’s more of a cerebral exercise. More thought is involved when you have to deal with visual relationships, sequence, rhythm, and spacing, etc. The real creation of my work takes place in the editing process. That’s where the ingredients come together to form an identity.

When creating this identity, I not only have to think about what I want to say, but also how I want to say it. It’s like speaking; there are numerous ways you can communicate a single sentence. How are images placed in relation to one another? How large are they printed, or how much white space surrounds it? Are the images repeated? What’s on the following page? The preceding page? Is there text? How are they positioned on the spread? All of these little choices impact the tone of your work. And that’s not even mentioning tactile factors like paper stock or cover material. I think that’s why I have such a deep love for photobooks because 1) they’re physical objects and 2) someone has obsessed over every aspect of that object.

I’m aware that my photographs lately have a quiet, detached, somewhat stripped-down quality to them. I think that’s just a subconscious rejection of my earlier days shooting a lot of street where I was constantly seeking crowded frames and complexity in my compositions. As I’ve grown older, I realize less is more and if I can do more by saying less, that’s even better. Now, the complexity I seek lies in the work as a whole and how all these little parts can form something fluid and layered, and not easily definable.

For Visions of Eden, I wanted the work to feel somewhat syncopated and wandering in thought. That meant finding a balance between my quiet static photographs and the movement and energy of the video stills, or balancing the coldness of the illustrations with the warmth of the family snapshots. The work needed to be cohesive but have enough ambiguity for it to take life in someone else’s imagination. Peoples’ lived experiences in regard to immigration and religion are so complex that they can’t be narrated in any one definitive way. Visions of Eden, hopefully, is a rejection of that singularity.

Yes, there’s definitely something special and intimate about flipping through a photobook! For your monograph, you recently released a second edition which is different from your first (redesigned, added images, etc.). Why did you decide to make it different? Was the editing mainly a solitary process?

The first edition was a partially hand-made object. Illustrations were printed on translucent vellum paper and then tipped into the gutter of the book. When you flip through the pages, those vellum sheets would overlap over certain images, creating a collage-like effect. That was my original concept for this book. Doing this, however, was so laborious and time consuming, and not to mention expensive! Regretfully, I wound up making only twenty copies of that first edition. I wanted the work shared with a wider audience so that’s why I decided to publish a second run.

The latest edition is more of a straight-forward production without the vellum paper. With this change in design, I had to reconfigure the layout. I took liberties in swapping out some images or adding new ones altogether. Also, a beautiful afterword was contributed by my friend, artist, writer, and curator Efrem Zelony-Mindell. I still feel so fortunate and grateful to have had my work seen and elevated by their words in my book.

For the most part, yes editing is quite a solitary process for me. But there does come a point when I feel it’s ready, where I share the work with a few trusted people. It’s always nice to have that outer support system. Much of Visions of Eden was created during my time in undergrad school so I had all sorts of feedback from peers and professors which I’m grateful for. But in the end, as the author, you ultimately have the final say in your work.

Given that Eden is a starting point and metaphor in the work, I was thinking about ideas of gardens, (forbidden) fruit, and movement of people.

How do you view yourself in relation to your place of birth? In your series, I see the most direct links in the letters, old photos where tropical foliage is present in the background, and the photo of the jackfruit (perhaps the only tropical fruit in this series).

I came to America when I was very young, about five years old. For my family and for many other families still living in the Philippines, America is seen as a sort of ideological Eden: a land of milk and honey, of wealth and excess. We all know that’s far from the truth. Every Eden has a caveat, a forbidden tree. Which leads me to ask: as an immigrant living in this country, what fruits were never intended for me?

I honestly don’t remember much about my childhood in the Philippines aside from fleeting memories of my relatives, the sounds of animals, the smell of rain and earth, the taste of my grandmother’s cooking. The identity that I carry with me now as a Filipino is not so much tied to the physical geography of a place but rather it is derived from a way of life, from shared stories, in the values we hold dear, passed on from generation to generation. This is a warm flame that lives on in me to this day as I write these words thousands of miles away from where I came.

Photographs have a way of shaping our memory and our relationship to the past, which in turn affects how we engage with the present. The family photographs and letters used in my book act as anchors in a meandering journey. They serve as landmarks that I can return to whenever I feel lost or need assurance so far away from “home”. They give me the comfort and affirmation that I need to navigate a space where I never really felt I belonged. The spread in my book­­ that you mentioned—the jackfruit on one side, and the Saran-wrapped apple on the preceding page—was a reference to my duality as both Filipino and American. It’s a reminder and an acknowledgment that I am a sum of many things, of many people who have shaped me. If I flourish in life, it’s because my roots were nourished by love.

I like how you mentioned photos as anchors or landmarks. Isn’t that why we create and photograph? To mark certain points in our lives and to envision possible futures, like a cartographer mapping an inner journey. Do you feel like you and your relationships with those you photographed changed through the process of making your works?

When my parents took pictures of our family, it wasn’t done solely in the name of remembrance; it also served as an affirmation of ourselves and our journey—a celebration. Every birthday, vacation, school ceremony, or even the seemingly insignificant events of daily life were all photographed or video-taped as a way of saying to ourselves, “Here we are. Look how far we’ve come. Look at the life we’ve made. And here’s the proof”.

Now, holding a camera and photographing my family through my own lens still carries all of that celebratory joy, but with so much more possibility. Before I really took photography seriously, I never realized its potential as a medium for introspection, but that’s ultimately what it has become for me. In taking pictures of my family, I not only clarify my own feelings about them, but the act of photography itself informs and builds on my relationship with each person. The camera is not a mere recording device, but a tool for understanding, processing, and even expressing love...or resentment. Though I may not be visible in my pictures, my presence is there: in my proximity, my gaze, my focus.

Does all of this impact my relationships? Absolutely. Photographing another person willingly always demands some degree of trust and vulnerability from both sides. There’s a silent dialogue that occurs which feels like an exchange of secrets. I think that’s why I often don’t feel comfortable photographing other people unless we’re very close. Usually my family is open enough to reveal themselves to me, other times what they give can feel quite guarded. That’s a constant negotiation. After the photograph is made though, nobody ever emerges the same person because each of us has relinquished something, no matter how small.

Being self-reflexive in photography is so important. I agree it should be a constant negotiation, but it’s something that bothers me these days – the power dynamic between the photographer and photograph, particularly for personal and documentary projects. More significantly, after the photograph has been made, who is really benefiting. But I guess if we are sensitive to that then perhaps we can navigate that tricky path and find a balance. 

Right, finding that balance is key and sometimes there are no clear-cut answers. That power dynamic is something I always have to be mindful of. As the photographer, you are exercising a certain role and position. At the end of the day, you’re the one essentially “taking” what you need and walking away. There’s an inherent violence or aggression in the act of taking someone’s picture, no matter how well-intended it may be. This aggression carries even greater weight when working, as you say, in a genre like documentary where representation is everything.

I remember an undergrad professor of mine, Nadia Sablin, introducing me to the work of Shelby Lee Adams—particularly his Appalachian Legacy series. Adams spent twenty-five years documenting the disadvantaged Appalachian communities in his home state of Kentucky, visiting the same families over a long period of time. Though the photographs are beautifully crafted, they pose many questions in regard to exploitation, representation, and the aestheticization of suffering. He is or was, after all, an artist thriving and profiting off of these photographs. Salgado is another that comes to mind. This was the first time I really stopped to think about the ethics of image-making. Who is benefitting from it all?

I think the search for this balance is something each photographer has to reckon with personally. Though each situation may vary with different factors that have to be weighed, and context that must be applied, you can always ask yourself these same ever-pertinent questions: am I representing people in a dignified way, and what are my intentions with these images? Communication (listening), building relationships, acknowledging your power, and respecting the people you photograph are all foundational things to consider when exercising your privilege with the camera.

Well said! The process of making photographs can be tricky to navigate yet rewarding. Any upcoming projects or ideas? What’s keeping you busy these days?

Oh, let’s just say I’m constantly juggling 3-4 ideas in my head at any given time, but ninety percent of the time they don’t ever lead to anything finished haha. This past year has been tough on everyone I’m sure. I’ve been dealing a lot with personal loss and grief and the compounded isolation brought on by the pandemic, so for months I’ve been making photographs organically as a subconscious response to these internal struggles. It’s more of an exploration of grief itself as a natural phenomenon and force—like time or gravity. Grief is something everyone will experience in life and each of us deals with it differently, but in the end we have to let it run its course. I see these photographs as a potential body of work that could materialize as a zine or book one day, so we’ll see where that goes.

Other than that, I’ve been working on an upcoming collaboration project with Cumulus Photo. Speaking of which, I saw your photograph featured in their latest zine, running to the edge of the world. Congrats on that! It’s beautiful. But yeah, just trying my best to keep busy and sane, and improving myself any way I can.

Thanks! Looking forward to your upcoming projects! Last question: any music to recommend?

I feel like my answer to this question can vary by the week. I go through phases where I exhaust whole albums on repeat until I get tired of them. So I’ll leave you with the two currently on my rotation: Angles by The Strokes, and Screamadelica by Primal Scream.

Thank you for your time!

Thank you for a lovely discourse. I had a lot of fun!

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[olderthannetfic]

hi hi history-non again, sorry I know it's a very

ahem wide and girthy ahem

ask, and i'm sorry for not narrowing it down farther my brain is smooth as butter and the dart board, so to speak, is. big. i feel like im throwing my dart in the ocean of 'what i don't know' and trying to spear a fish who might speak to me like the queer elder i never ha d ;lkasjd;flkas damn you small conservative town ANYWAYS

i guess okay maybe do you have any favourite figureheads? whats your fave pieces of lgbtqa+ media (like books or shows?)

thanks again and sorry for.

uh.

big.

--

Lolololol. Yes.... it’s so... big...

In the 90s, the writers of nonfiction who I found really inspirational were Susie Bright and Kate Bornstein. My Gender Workbook was a classic. I gather there’s a new edition.

I was a massive, massive nerd, so my actual favorite queer book as a 14-year-old is one that will be a bit... uh... much if you’re not feeling very intellectual. It’s Third Sex, Third Gender: Beyond Sexual Dimorphism in Culture and History. This thing is a massive doorstop of a book that collects academic journal articles on third gender roles from various cultures. I was obsessed with this thing. Again, it’s academic journal articles, not popular nonfiction, so expect that level of impenetrable prose.

I was also a giant weeb, so I read a bunch of books on the history of gay sex in Japan. It’s pretty interesting how much people assume the “m/m sex = sin” shit was worldwide and how much it just was not.

In terms of fiction, I’ve always struggled to find f/f media I relate to. I really like the tv adaptations of Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet. Lots of fucked up problematicness and gorgeous visuals. Gotta love the lady with the strap-on and the gold body paint!

For other queer media, I was a big fan of Velvet Goldmine and of Pedro Almodóvar’s older films, which are full of every problematic kink you can think of. They also have a lot of het I like, like the lady being coerced into sex (that she enjoys) by the drag queen who impersonates her famous mother she has a lot of mommy issues about... except said drag queen is really an undercover police officer. Just... whut. (All the “straight” stuff in Almodóvar’s films is also bugfuck nuts and often kind of queer.)

I really, really, really loved Crash. Not the shitty one that won an oscar: the car crash perverts one full of weird UST. There’s a ton of straight sex in this too, along with every gender combo and a laundry list of upsetting kinks. It’s just every kind of weird perv thing. (”Weird art film full of sex and problematicness” is pretty much the defining feature of movies I liked as a teen. I loved Kissed, that het necrophilia movie too.)

Stage Beauty is probably my favorite film for bi vibes. It’s this meditation on identity as the English stage was changing over from having men play women to having actual actresses. It ends in f/m, but it’s definitely a very queer film.

If you want slice of life stuff, I guess you could try Dykes to Watch Out For (the comic that’s the source of the bechdel test) or the Tales of the City novel series. These will both give you a sense of what was going on in certain queer communities in the late 20thC. If you want something relatively fluffy, Maurice is a historical costume drama with a happy ending. I found it awfully slow as a college student, but it does have naked Rupert Graves (Lestrade from Sherlock), so...

----

See, this is hard to answer because I came of age and did all of my reading of that kind a long time ago. I pretty quickly moved on to fangirl media, which I have always liked a lot better than other arguably queer stuff. Back in the 90s, that meant Japanese stuff and fic. Later, I had access to more flavors of by-fujoshi-for-fujoshi media.

So my actual favorite m/m books are a bunch of “m/m romance” (i.e. American BL being sold as ebooks on amazon). If you want live action TV and fandomy vibes, you’re better off with Trapped (hot cop/mobster action!) or one of those Thai series about schoolboys or something than stuff made by cis gay men in the US.

I also came of age in an era when “queer” media was very Cis Gay Men And Sometimes Cis Lesbians with an occasional nod to bi people existing... maybe. Kate Bornstein and a few others were raising the profile of MtF transsexuals (the term in use at the time) who wanted surgery or even, gasp, maybe didn’t want bottom surgery in some cases. Anything about FtMs or nb/agender/etc. identities was practically invisible. I saw the term ‘genderqueer’ around a bit, but it was mostly in contexts that were very tryhard and unappealing to me.

(You haven’t given any details, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re like much of tumblr and the flavors of queerness you relate to aren’t so much the Cis Gay Men Only culture that makes up quite a bit of queer history and older queer media.)

I can tell you what I liked as a teen, but not everybody is into fucked up art films that may not have happy endings. I can try to rec things about queer culture in the 90s, but I probably don’t have great recs for way earlier or later than that... unless it’s so much earlier that I’ve researched it while writing fic of some historical canon or other. A lot of how I learned about queer culture myself was from magazines or from reading soc.bi on usenet or just from living through the 90s--not typically from books that are easy to unearth and just hand to someone now.

I tend to just not like anything in the contemporary romance or slice of life genres, regardless of gender and orientation, so while I’ve watched/read a bit more queer stuff like this, especially in the past when I had less access to queer media, it’s not a space I’m great at reccing in. And that’s unfortunate because a lot of that type of art gives you a better sense of what other queer people were like in other eras and/or it’s a safer rec than some bananas crazy BDSM film.

I was, and am, very kinky (though pretty lazy in terms of actual practice), so a lot of my reading and media interest was bound up in that also. Obviously, I was quite interested in the drawings of Tom of Finland or the photography of Robert Mapplethorpe, but are you going to be into photos of some guy shoving a whip handle in his ass? I love the movie Cruising... it’s about serial killers and leather and homophobia and is every bit as potentially traumatizing as that sounds.

I feel you on the problem of finding queer elders. There isn’t really an obvious way to go about this.

[percydarling]

I'll be honest,if the weasley kids had a tv show I would have percy as my favourite. Bill aand charlie arent in it so I wouldnt have an opinion (they're obviously hinted at but never there) Arthur's gonna annoy me kinda, molly is really nice but she always compares her kids. Ron (as lovely as he is) can be really mean to percy and just sucky to him. I love Ginny but everyone knows jk made her because "girl power= not feminine traits!1!1!1!" I love her,I love her love for quidditch but I feel like I still clearly see what she represents and that's jks sentiments (like cho for example, as an asian it's never gonna leave my mind). The twins would be great in theory but 2 twins insulting their older brother, burning a hole through their brothers tongue? Pranking everybody ALL THE TIME? I say I love them but seriously if I studied at hogwarts I would loathe them because hey, were in class- prank somebody in a more boring one or after. Also they're way too mean to percy.

Percy is the kinda dude I'd identify with, I hate how his family shames him alot. Sure hes ambitious but at the same time I hate when they bully him for his pride in his prefect badge and his head boy badge, like CMON! Gryffindor traits??? PRIDEFUL like yeah hes gonna be happy because he feels accomplished. I remember getting into model un and I talked about it at dinner time,my siblings got kinda annoyed but did they insult me abt it? No! They understood that this was a big part of my pride. They teased me a little "Haha model un-er" or "your rooms the country your representing right? Oops I dont have my passport" regular happy sibling stuff. You dont insult your brothers pride and joy, it's obvious hes so happy about it.

If there's gonna be a show on the Weasley family, the only interestee Weasley I would be watching is for Percy. Now let's go through every Weasley.

Arthur- at work, never home, if at home in shed exploring muggle things instead of probably bonding with his children.

Molly-would do chores, help children and maybe chat with next door neigbour. A slight chance of bonding with kids. Not very entertaining really.

Bill and Charlie- I mean depends whether they're even there or gone. If they're there they'd probably argue with each other. Maybe we'll get the Bill earring story and Charlie dragon obsession. Other than that maybe sibling bonding which is always good.

Twins- I cannot emphasize enough as to why I wouldn't watch the twins, if there was such a tv show. Each episode they'll probably prank someone most probably Ron and Percy. And then these pranks would get violent and physical and they would still be the saints and Percy the villain.

I mean the twins cause Ron's phobia, almost make him take the Unbreakable Vow (Ron was 5!) and then beat his Puffskein to death.

AND PUFFSKEIN IS AN ANIMAL.

And that's only Ron. If I start on Percy the jokes are endless but let's just end with the twins tried to locked Percy in a pyramid( God knows how old!). Enough said.

Ron- We already have Ron content in the book. Do we really need more? Yes we do but not if it's Ron insulting Percy. And if this show was before Harry and Hogwarts then Ron would be a young child like 9-10 years old and I personally wouldn't be interested. I love Ron but he loses absolutely no moment to insult or bitch about his brother. Plus Ron is whiny. Sometimes.

Ginny- They'll probably make her a Mary Sue who can do no wrong. They would seriously do that and make her a female version of the twins. Sorry not interested in watching her.

When we come to Percy there are so many things we can do. We can see bonding with Bill or Charlie. Percy being a good older brother and helping with nightmares. Percy being his mother's support system. Percy helping Arthur with his work. Percy teaching Ron chess. Percy planning a prank with twins. Percy playing dolls with Ginny.

With Percy you can relate him to everyone in some way or another. We know Molly loves Percy and probably considers him her favorite. Probably. Arthur with the Ministry so Percy and Ministry. Percy going to Bill with help for studies. Percy helping Charlie research about dragons.(Percy telling Charlie his dormmate is crazy about quidditch and asking if Charlie could give him tips and an autograph)

Percy playing chess with Ron. We know Percy is protective over Ron and Ginny. So we can assume that Percy teaches Ron chess and helps him read. Percy reading to Ginny about Harry Potter.(Really though who else would have? Molly would be busy and Bill and Charlie wouldn't)

Or we can have Percy writing stuff. Short stories and articles. Percy being a writer. Percy singing , dancing or drawing. Percy sneaking to Muggle town and talking to them.

Percy finding Scabbers.

Percy going to the Lovegood residence and talking with Luna's mother because she is such an amazing person.

(And taking her death the hardest)

Also Percy bonding with Luna.

Percy bonding with Uncle Billius or Great Aunt Muriel. Also reminsing time with Uncle Gideon and Fabian.

Percy having babysitter called Lily Potter who looked just like him but with bright green eyes. She reads to him about adventure stories and tells him she loves him very much and once brought her husband with her(who's an animagus!)

(While his brothers rejoiced the fall of You Know Who, Percy cried because Miss Lily and Mr James were dead. That was the time Percy realised that bad things happen to good people)

Well to put it in short there are so many angles with Percy which makes him interesting in my opinion.

If they do make let's hope they don't screw Percy over like they did with him in that damn game.

Also for that Percy interacting with Muggles there's an interesting fanfic called Percy's Diary.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7542632/1/Percy-s-Diary

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Percy is the only Weasley who I can relate to which makes me love him more. I am an elder sibling, have been constantly insulted by family and friends for following rules and very rarely been put down for being excited for something.

And the whole making fun of Percy is bullying when they're laughing at him and not with him.

These 2 prepositions make all the difference when it comes to teasing and bullying.

And the twins are bullies. They are.

"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should've said something, we had no idea."

This is one of the lines they say.

How much do you want to bet that the twins didn't say something like this to Bill when he became prefect and HeadBoy?

Percy was a constant butt of their jokes and pranks, including bewitching his prefect and Head Boy badges to read Pinhead and Bighead Boy respectively, and sending dragon dung to his office at the Ministry.

This is from the official wikia. People can try to make the twins saint and say it was all good natured and everything. But I will always see the twins as bullies.

And the thing is the twins and Ron never bothered to praise Percy and that just feels wrong. Everytime they talk about Percy it's qn insult. When I talk about my brother to an acquaintance I don't insult him unlike Ron.

I feel that as Percy fans we love him because he is complicated. He isn't like the rest of the Weasleys. He isn't charming or funny. He's just a normal guy trying to do better and Percy fans get it because it's relatable. We can relate to being ordinary. He doesn't have earrings or pranks or a saviour best friend. He's just a guy who follows rules and wants to be successful. Who wouldn't relate with that?

And maybe some of us have been ridiculed just like Percy so we understand. We also understand that this is Harry's biased view and all he has been told about Percy is usually by Ron or the twins who insult him on a regular basis. And Harry is no better! He uses words like pompously like he understands how a person talks pompously?

So I love Percy a lot because I relate to him and I would never in my life apologise for loving such a complicated character.

[maxwell-grant]

What would a spider man: life story look like for the shadow?

Now that I've actually read Spider-Man: Life Story I can give this one a response. I'm gonna obsess about this question for a while because man what a ride Life Story was.

To those not in the know, the premise of Spider-Man: Life Story is: "In 1962, in AMAZING FANTASY #15, 15-year-old Peter Parker was bitten by a radioactive spider and became the Amazing Spider-Man! Fifty-seven years have passed in the real world since that event — so what would have happened if the same amount of time passed for Peter as well?" and basically it tells the story of Spider-Man as one continuous narrative spanning 57 years, from his beginnings to a potential future, allowing Peter Parker and his cast and world to age in real time and factor in elements from the character's major stories over the decades.

And it's got a lot into it that the premise doesn't convey and there is no way I can even begin tackling a project like this for the 90 goddamn years of The Shadow's history without seriously just writing an entirely different fanfic continuity (and I already have 5, plus multiverses, possibly more) and tipping off way too much about my own plans for the character. Even I have my limits.

So instead, what I'm gonna do is go over the broad strokes of The Shadow's history as it would look like if you could try and condense it all under a consistent narrative, if you could focus on each decade's highs and lows, what kind of story would arise if a deranged Shadow maniac like me were to try and build a basic skeleton for a The Shadow: Life Story story.

Basic rules first: I'm sticking to the idea of Life Story and spanning every decade from the beginning of the character's life to the end of it. The aging and death parts are important so I’m sticking to those. The character's canonical birth date is 1892, so he's not making it intact to the 2000s. We're capping this off in the 90s, although it doesn't mean no further stories can be told. I will avoid mentioning specific historical events like Vietnam and 9/11 for this post to instead focus on The Shadow's trajectory. I will also not be including other characters, only somewhat referencing whatever aspects I deem relevant. I'm not sticking to any continuity, I'm pulling literally everything I can for this one

And putting this one below the cut

The 1930s: The golden years. In 1930, after a long line of life experiences in the Great War and traveling around the world under dozens of names, the man formerly known as Kent Allard has taken to fighting crime in the Great Depression. This chapter would be more of a standard narrative showcasing the trajectory of The Shadow's 30s career, how he's started off as a urban myth fighting gangsters and then progressed to urban avenger with dozens of allies fighting spies and supervillains. Despite being in his home element, he is restless. Another war is on the horizon. We gotta know where he starts, to get a clue of where he's going.

The 1940s: Despite it being the "family friendly American hero" Shadow era, shit gets very, very chaotic in the 40s, way more so than The Shadow could have anticipated. The pulps were relatively tame for this period, by this point instead you have the radio with it's constantly rotating writers and sensibilities, and comics that had far less reservations about either being really boring or really wacky. Far more encounters with the supernatural than before and with supervillains like Devil Kyoti and Monstradamus and Solaris, plus Khan is still around. The Shadow is forced to spend a lot more time traveling the world to deal with the war, spending a prolonged period establishing headquarters in Japan to aid Japanese underground organizations opposing the military. The agents perform rescue missions on concentration camps, and this is the period where you could have the "real" Lamont Cranston start filling in for The Shadow a bit while he's overseas.

There's a particular blurb that got released during this period that explains The Shadow acquired the power to cloud men's minds not by training, but by journeying to Tibet in an unrecorded adventure that forced him to beg the monks to grant him assistance in saving the world. I have some very mixed feelings on this whole backstory but I think there's something to this idea. Some shit went down in the 40s that was way beyond what The Shadow could have anticipated, and to protect the world from it he had to tap into forces that perhaps should have been left untouched.

The 1950s: The Shadow has dissappeared from America alltogether. He gathered up his agents and announced he wouldn't return for at least a decade, and left them with enough money to last a lifetime and retire should they feel like it. Burbank and Cliff Marsland dissappeared with him, and this chapter would probably be told from the Agents's perspective as they face the 50s while we get snippets from Marsland on what The Shadow's been up to. Some of it involves The Shadow helping protect Tibet after Mao's takeover of China. The real Lamont Cranston doesn't put on the costume anymore and instead operates as a fairly regular detective, although he's training on the skills and powers he's picked up overseas. Whatever fantasy madness haunted the 1940s is all but gone.

The 50s had basically nothing in Shadow content other than the last legs of the radio show, which are 200 episodes from 1950 to 1954 that currently don't exist anymore outside of a few scripts. During this time, The Shadow's sole appearence in US content was a parody in MAD Magazine. Overseas however, there were original Shadow novels published in Norway (a story for another day), as well as a Mexican radio and film series, which also featured Cliff Marsland. I have little information on either.

The 1960s: The OG Shadow is still embroiled in conflicts overseas, but the rise of the criminal organization CYPHER forces him to mobilize Burbank and agents old and new alike to deflect CYPHER away from where he's at, although most of them have retired by now. He still cannot return, but he has been secretly instructing Lamont Cranston on furthering along his own latent abilities if he intends to take over in his stead, and Cranston's powers have grown and developed to a point that, although he is pushing 60, he is able to do things even the original Shadow could not. He also invests a lot in merchandising and costume changes, which...doesn't pan out. Nothing in this era really pans out. It's just a really, really frustrating period of bad luck and supervillains that the aging superpowered detective Cranston is able to stop. Lamont Cranston seems to die in this decade.

The 1970s: Inspired by The Shadow's DC series, and most importantly Michael Kaluta's spiffy redesign.

The original Shadow returns to a crime-torn America, intent on starting anew, and sets to rebuilding his network. But something is off about him. He's leaner, meaner, less compassionate and trusting. Just as what happened the first time he returned to America following years abroad, what happened in his sojourns overseas has fostered something inhuman in him, another sacrifice of his own identity for the sake of a world where the weed of crime has only proven more insidiuous. His powers have grown and so have his resources, but despite that, he's bordering on 80 years old by now, and cumulative trauma deep within his bones hampers his effectiveness. He's doing a lot better than he should, by any rights, but he can't keep this up and he knows it. And so, as before, he starts planning for it.

The 1980s: This was the decade where Walter Gibson died with his final Shadow story incomplete, all the movie plans from the 70s were canned, and Howard Chaykin happened, plus the other DC runs. It's the SHIT decade, basically, where everything goes to hell. Whatever plans The Shadow had blew up, dipshit copycats start ruining everything, his network crumbles, and this is probably the ideal decade to kill off Kent Allard.

But this is also the decade where something weird started happening outside of the story: The Ghost of Gay Street hauntings, where visitors on the hotel Gibson wrote the stories in repeteadly claimed to see a ghostly visitor looking exactly like Lamont Cranston, and Gibson himself claimed that to be a tulpa he created by accident.

Kent Allard may have died. But death can never claim The Shadow.

The 1990s-onwards: Somehow, The Shadow is still active. Still elderly, in a much more limited fashion, but still as sharp as ever if not more so. His powers have grown more so than ever before, even blossoming into a limited form of telekinesis. Is he a ghost? Did he somehow survive the events of the previous decade? Somehow, both Lamont Cranston and The Shadow linger on, but is it Kent Allard or Lamont Cranston? Is it someone else?

Who knows?

This is the decade in particular where he's going to be interacting with more prominently with a new generation, whether it's descendants of the original agents, or new heroes that have found themselves in his orbit. Inspired mainly by the Dark Horse Shadow comics, Ghost and The Shadow, and Peter Straub's Mystery and modern takes on the character like Batman x Shadow and the 2017 mini that play up the miserable immortal and ghost teacher aspects, also inspired by my recent realization that The Shadow's ideal future in-universe may be getting to age and mentor the next generation in some capacity.

Anything beyond that, only The Shadow Knows.

[michaelbjorkwrites]

10 Lessons from a Decade of Writing

Over the last decade, I graduated from high school, got a bachelor's in writing, earned an MFA in fiction, and started working as a copywriter.

In that time, I grew a lot as a writer — so I thought I’d share the lessons that helped me most along the way!

How does one from each year sound?

2010: Don't let high expectations be a barrier to good writing

As a teenager, I had unhealthy expectations for my writing. This not only made writing painful, but also held back the quality of my work. Thankfully, in my last year of high school, I had to crank out a short story for a class, with no time to revise as I went. The result? I had fun, and ended up writing a story that was better than anything I’d written before it. That’s when I realized how toxic lofty expectations could become, if left unchecked.

2011: Good stories often depict, or inspire, change

In my first college writing workshop, our professor (of "It's never about the bread" fame) told us that a good story often does one of two things: it either depicts a change in a character, or inspires a change in the reader. While a bit simplistic, that guidance was invaluable to me at the time. The first option gave me a clear target to aim for in workshop, while option two exposed me to the full, baffling mystery of what makes a story worth telling. 

2012: Clear, specific language brings scenes to life

As a sophomore, I fell in love with Raymond Carver's minimalism and was particularly struck by the following description from "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love":

Mel handed me the saucer of limes. I took a section, squeezed it over my drink, and stirred the ice cubes with my finger.

The description struck me as remarkably vivid, yet lean — making me realize how a small description could breathe life into a scene when written with clear, specific language.

2013: Personal experiences fuel good writing

After years of avoiding the genre, I took my first poetry workshop as a junior, and SURPRISE. I loved it. It was the first time I’d ever really tried writing about my own experiences, and it brought an invigorating sense of reality to both my poetry and my fiction. It also inspired me to become more observant, which fed back into my writing and made me better appreciate life’s little moments.

2014: Never mow the same grass twice

Throughout college, I had a trumpet instructor who’d often say, "Michael, I hate to mow the same grass twice!" You can find a full explanation here, but long story short, he encouraged me to fix flaws in my performance immediately upon discovering them, because if you repeat mistakes, they become habits. Bad habits that only get harder to break over time.

I didn't take his advice to heart in my music, but I did apply it to my fiction. In the coming years, it would be instrumental (ha) in honing my craft.

2015: How to tie plot to character growth

In high school, my stories were all plot. In college, my stories were all character. During the first year of my MFA, I learned how to merge the two, by writing narrators with:

Emotions that drive actions,

Actions that trigger consequences, and

Consequences that compel growth.

This structure is simple, but effective, particularly when your character is motivated by a clear emotional struggle. More about this structure here.

2016: Write the stories that excite you

Throughout college, I almost exclusively wrote non-genre stories, because I wanted to pursue particular goals in that space. I learned a lot in the process, but it wasn't until the second year of my MFA that I realized my stories themselves had lost a certain spark. So I switched back to writing the genre stories I loved. Like an old friend, the spark came back — and the writing got a lot more fun.

2017: Accept that you'll never catch up to your expectations

The great irony of being a writer is that the more you hone your craft, the further away "perfection" seems. Why? Because as we improve, we not only overcome weaknesses, but also discover the flaws we never knew existed. So we fix those flaws. Discover new ones. Fix them. And so on. It’s a frustrating, never-ending cycle, and it wasn’t until my final year of the MFA that I was able to fully accept it — finding comfort in the fact that my dissatisfaction was a sign of growth.

2018: Be willing to let stories go

In my first year as a copywriter, the fast pace of agency life quickly taught me the importance of knowing when to "let go" of my writing. At work, it was because I had deadlines. But in fiction, I realized I couldn't keep revising the same stories forever, when others were waiting to be written. “Art is never finished, only abandoned,” said Leonardo da Vinci, and it's true. Our stories will never be perfect, so it’s our responsibility to decide when it’s time to cut the cord.

2019: If you want to write meaningful stories, start with what’s important to you

After my fiction professor gave that brief explanation (back in 2011) of what made a good, meaningful story, I became obsessed with finding a clearer answer. Something to grasp onto to guide my writing.

But this past year, I realized it was a bit of a fool’s errand. The things that make a story worth telling are incredibly subjective and different for everyone — naturally arising from their backgrounds, desires, fears, and more.

You can’t predict it. Or at least, you can’t predict it well.

So you just need to look inward. To find what you think is important.

And then write.

2020: TBD

Cheers to a new decade, everybody! May we keep honing our craft and fill the years to come with incredible stories.

— — —

Your stories are worth telling. For more helpful tips on how to craft meaning, build character-driven plots, and grow as a writer, follow my blog.

[tigerdrop]

i have a lot of trouble writing benrey in my fics�� how did you experiment with his characterization until you were satisfied with it, and what other benny interpretations do u enjoy from other fic writers? i love the way you write him, his dialogue feels so authentic and believable.

AW thank u......it always makes my day to hear something nice about the way i characterize ppl......there were a lot of things i did to try to nail how he talks and thinks. thank u for asking this b/c i have a Lot to say about this subject

the first thing is, obv, watching the series. i have to include this one b/c i feel like quite a few ppl in this fandom.....like.....havent. there is a certain way of characterizing him as an Epic Mischievous Gamer that is, uhhh, very much a fanon thing that ppl see on tumblr and imitate and flanderize all to hell. but, like, im an obsessive little weirdo who will rewatch things over and over again to take notes on characters’ behavior and dialogue and i really gotta recommend just sitting back and listening to how benrey talks.

hes not dropping gamer references constantly. hes not making every single sentence out of his mouth some obnoxious quip. hes slow on the uptake and drops conversations entirely if he doesnt care about them. he has never once said “cringe” before and whenever i see a fic that has him doing it multiple times i feel minutes shaved off of my lifespan. the #1 tip i can give here is to not have benrey talking in fucking 2010s gamer lingo every time he opens his mouth. please

(i feel partially responsible for the spread of this kind of characterization. my first 2 fics have him doing stuff like that every once in awhile. sometimes i debate going back and changing them, but like, benrey saying “poggers” one time aside, i think they hold up pretty good. so i havent. something something historical accuracy)

the more i wrote about him, the more i tried digging into the aspects of his character that i found the most appealing. some people are really into his polite side. i am really into his bullying side. so i would watch the bits where benrey really has his “gordon bullying” mode cranked up to 11 and make note of how he acts, how he talks. trying to replicate it. “benrey saying epic random shit to piss gordon off” is much less his vibe than, like, demeaning gordon, and i feel like the bathroom skit is the ultimate manifestation of this. it is genuinely my favorite bit in the whole series b/c its so ideally representative of their weird-ass dynamic. this fuckin high school bullying LARP in the middle of a public restroom. god in heaven

the less you lean on the crutches of “gamer lingo” and “wacky non-sequitur”, the more it forces you to think about how he behaves. what motivates him. and generally, like, he operates on his own wavelength. he doesnt fully understand everything thats going on around him and selectively chooses what he tunes into. and, most importantly, he just wants to play games, man. benrey likes goofing off with the science crew and playing mind games with gordon. he fails to understand the gravity of his actions a lot of the time b/c hes not human, and hes not operating under the same social guidelines.

(this is the part where people like to speculate exactly what kind of non-human he is, and i think this can be helpful for setting up his motivations! me, personally, i am of the opinion that hes just a video game guy made real. kind of like a live-action cartoon character. so hes operating on video game logic a lot of the time, and doesnt grasp that consequences for actions are different for normal people who cant noclip or respawn. a kind of lack of empathy that manifests in him being capricious, indifferent, detached......purely oriented around “getting his job done” and “chilling” and, naturally, “fucking with gordon freeman“.)

ultimately it boils down to distilling just what i like out of their interactions and trying to Manifest it repeatedly. i go crazy about their actual canon interactions and i want to write things that hit the notes i like: two guys who are mutually kind of obsessed with one another, for better or worse, and engage in a lot of play fighting (and, you know, genuine fighting, too) as a sublimation of it. best frenemies, if you will.

i think that a lot of the problems people have in writing benrey is that they kinda just project whatever attributes they want in a lover onto him. like, man, i like cute shit as much as the next guy, but do you really think that the dude who bullies gordon freeman while hes having a panic attack is gonna tenderly stroke gordons hair and wipe his tears and tell him that everythings gonna be okay? no, dude. even when benrey expresses any kind of concern, he does it in a way that communicates that he doesnt understand the gravity of whats going on and he doesnt “get” why gordons lying on the ground yelling, or why gordons howling in pain after getting his arm cut off. he is not an empathetic guy. hes actually kind of a creep!!! a lil freakjob! the weirdness and the lack of humanity are what make him hot!!!!

and this is what makes it own so hard on the rare occasions he does show empathy! its the same reason why its so cute when gordon stops bitching for 0.5 seconds and tries to be nice! theyre earned moments, not character defaults. and cutesy/lovey-dovey shit with these two is definitely doable, but i would love to see more of it take into account the fact that these are two dudes who fucking suck and who especially suck at being emotionally open with each other.

as far as characterizations that i really like........okay. full disclosure. the biggest reason ive been losing my shit over the catmaid freemind fic is b/c the author is one of the few people who really taps in to what i like about benrey, and what i like about his relationship with gordon. hes teasing. he likes to use his perceived authority to bully people. hes weirdly protective of gordon. but hes also just, like, a chill dude who wants to play video games. and he legit likes gordon and expresses affection for him in some of the most in-character ways ive ever seen

like. deliberately spilling milk on the couch and flatly going like “oops.” b/c he wants gordon to sleep in his room......playing nurse by doing fuck-all apart from giving gordon powerade while hes sick and keeping the volume on his video games low......kicking barmey under the table for making fun of gordon being dogboyed.......it is all exceptionally cute shit and its delightfully in-character. i feel so bad for the author b/c im a frenrey head and i am primarily reading it for those two. but god they do it so well.......im hooked. im obsessed

thank u again for asking this and for the lovely compliment ^q^ i hope this answered your question......i have spent entirely too much of my life thinking about my favorite half life funny guy

[ka-za-ri]

Descent Pt. 2

Masterlist of other Chapters: Here Crossposted to Ao3: here

Part [1] Part [2] Part [3] Part 4: [4] Part [5] Part [6] Part [7] Part [8] Part [9] Part [10]

I’m so glad y’all are enjoying the food so far, please take some more of it. Let me know if you want to be added to a taglist or anything like that. For now, let’s enjoy our favorite angel doing ... not very angelic things (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Pairing: Simeon x Reader Wordcount: 5,000 ish Genre: Luxurious Smut Tags: Voyeurism, mutual masturbation Summary:   With the first chapter behind him, there's still something missing in Simeon's writing, and he needs your help to figure out what it is.

Stumble

True to his word, Simeon had the draft he promised in your email inbox within a few days. You were surprised. He seemed to be struggling so much when you last saw him, you really expected him to take a little more time. Regardless, it was to your benefit since it meant you had more time to edit. 

Even if it was just the first chapter and a little bit after, you were surprised at the speed in which he jumped to the lewd scenes. It wasn’t surprising considering sex was the focus, but you would need to teach him how to reign in his enthusiasm. By the time you were finished reading through the draft the first time, your whole face had gone hot. The explicit details he wrote out only brought your mind back to what you had acted out in that sunroom just a few days ago. It was a direct translation of your actions to text. Sure, Simeon was new to the genre, but his talent as a writer still shone through. 

Despite the roughness of the draft, the publisher approved it as acceptable proof of progress. They greenlit the whole project and you were more than excited to email Simeon and let him know the good news. Just as you had come back from the meeting with the executives, your phone chirped with a new message.

[SMS: I AM STUCK. I CANNOT WRITE ANYMORE. HELP ME.]

You laughed at how short and crude the message was. For someone who spent most of his time on a computer writing; he was absolutely hopeless with any other form of technology. Shaking your head at how someone like him had gotten so far in life barely knowing how to send a text, you packed up your things and made your way to his place. You did have a few notes about his first chapter to give him, anyway. 

Simeon hated being deceptive. He hated how quickly he had started to rely on that image of you in his brightly lit sunroom to fuel his writing and for his own desires. He was ashamed to ask you to come over again; but he was repeating the same motions in his writing, he needed new visuals and you were the only one he could trust. In reality, his request was a thinly veiled request to see you perform again. He was able to complete his work so quickly after watching you. Researching video clips and online articles gave him some fuel, but nothing got him so fired up as watching a scene unfold from you. 

It was a strange obsession he was still wrapping his mind around. He had to be careful, the temptation you possessed was absolutely dangerous. Simeon had to reassure himself that he was ancient and knew his way around humans with how long he had studied them. He needed to convince himself that he would never sully a human body, no matter how much he wanted you. His title, status and reputation as an angel were the most sacred parts of him. With so many years of writing experience, surely he could write a proper sex scene without actually ever having to fuck you.

It didn’t stop him from being nervous. No matter how many fail safes he came up with, he knew that you were effortlessly enticing him to be joined with you. He had to be vigilant. It would be the ultimate test of his will and his determination. Both for his career and his soul. He would see it through, he knew he could. No material experience could be more important than his angelic status. Right?

He paced back and forth in the foyer of his home, gnawing on his nail while he waited for you to arrive. It had taken him half an hour to find the right words to text you. Simeon glanced at the phone in his hand almost every ten seconds, hoping you had replied. He knew you had a meeting, but it should be over by now and you should be arriving at any moment. You hadn’t answered him which made him antsy. Usually you would have at least told him you were coming over. He could only hope that you were just eager to see him as he was to see you again.

He didn’t want to admit how he had fallen asleep with his hands down his pants the past three days, dreaming about your sweet voice as you came and called out to him. He didn’t want to think about how many positions he had imagined you being in. Simeon didn’t want to dwell on how many scenarios he came up with just to have you reenact them for him. Some of the scenes delved so deep into his darkest desires that he was scared to even admit he thought about them. 

But he wanted to see them play out. 

The doorbell barely finished ringing and he was already flinging opening the door to let you in. “I’m guessing the meeting went well.” He said with a bright smile to hide his nerves. He was already set up in his sunroom. During the time you were gone, he had brought a small folding desk to the recliner. The cable for his computer had also been moved so he didn’t have to worry about the battery being drained. You instinctively went over to the couch lined up against the wall but he stopped you. Instead of letting you lounge like you did the last time, he offered you a chair across from his makeshift desk instead. He refused to make eye contact as you made yourself comfortable. 

“The meeting went as well as it could,” you said while taking out the envelopes that contained his work. “They like everything so far, but it’s still rough and needs a little bit more refinement, and I have to agree with them.” 

You glanced up at him and noticed him fidgeting with his fingers while he kept his face calm. “So, what needs to be fixed up?”

You flipped through a few pages and showed him the paragraphs of smut he had written. The color drained from his face as he was face-to-face with the obscenity of his work in physical form. “So, it’s not bad. But I can tell it was your first time. There’s something missing about the partner. I can’t place it, but it just feels… flat? Like I can’t tell if they’re feeling anything from the exchange or what.” 

“Ah… Oh… Hahaha. I see… That explains a lot.” 

You raised a curious eyebrow at his comment. “Does it?” You crossed your arms over your chest and leaned back in the chair. It seemed as though Simeon was just at the verge of another great discovery about his writing and you were rather intrigued about what his thoughts were. 

“Yes. I was struggling to write this next scene and I just… couldn’t figure out how to convey the partner’s feelings. It’s frustrating. I should have all the resources that I need to make it work.” He gestured at what he had written and bade you to take a look. 

It was always fun to see his work in progress. With the partially polished scenes and unfinished sentences, it was like you got to see the inner workings of his brain. What he had in front of you was a far cry from the more polished work you were used to, but the overall flow of action was much better than the travesty you had seen last time. However, you could see the exact point where he started to struggle. As he said, there was a lack of feeling behind the words. 

“Ooh… So this is the part where you need my help again, huh?” 

Simeon covered his face with his hand. “I’m ashamed to ask you to assist me with another scene.” 

You smiled softly, reaching over and ruffling his hair. “Well, I’d be the world’s worst editor and manager if I refused to help you, right?” 

“You don’t have to…” 

“But I want to.” You reassured him, while getting up from your seat to start stripping. Truth be told, you were waiting for the next time you got to see him so hot and bothered while working. Something about how focused he was on writing and not what his body needed made you want to push him further, see just what it took to get him distracted. “But you know… I’m sure you’d get more out of it if you experienced it too. Sometimes, just watching isn’t enough.”

Simeon felt his heart drop to his stomach from your suggestion. You were putting into words all of his desires and what he had craved ever since the last time. If he didn't have his wits about him, he knew he would have taken you up on the offer. The temptation of knowing how it felt to be in you while you moaned had piqued his curiosity and he longed to experience it. “I… Uh,” he stuttered, trying to wrap his mind around how to reply. 

You dragged your finger up his thigh, pausing right at his crotch and waited for his reaction. He was so cute with his eyes wide, lips slightly parted and his brain short circuiting from your advances. You wanted to devour him and see him crumble under your fingers. “You what?” You encouraged, moving the focus from his crotch upwards, your finger skirting the soft sweater he wore and up to his chin. You tilted his head upwards to meet you eye to eye. “You want to write the best novel… don’t you?” 

“I do…” He breathed, unable to take his eyes away from you and his mind struggled to keep up with how quickly you had taken control of the situation. He needed to wrestle some semblance of calm back in his favor if he wanted to continue getting what he wanted without you suspecting his obsession.  “In order for me to do that, I need you to show me how…” He trailed off, cheeks flushed warm from thinking about his lewd request. 

“How what? Come on now, you asked me to fuck a pillow last time, how is this going to be any worse than that?” you teased. Much to your delight, he became more flustered, his gaze dropping to the floor and he mumbled to himself. You let him get over his shyness, waiting patiently with his chin balanced at the tip of your finger. 

Please uhm… Please show me how you please yourself… for this next scene.” He managed to save himself from falling completely into your trap, specifying exactly what he needed you to do. You were so alluring and so close to him, he had almost asked for the unforgivable. 

You smiled, letting go of his chin and stepping back. “It’d be so much easier if I had some toys to do that… but I guess I’ll show you since you asked so nicely.” You planted a kiss on his forehead before undoing the buttons of your blouse. 

“T-toys?” Simeon squeaked. He had seen them in video clips and read about them in reviews when he researched; but it never occurred to him that you might want to use them. 

“It’s okay if you don’t have any. I can always settle with this…” You teased, walking over to him and fondling his crotch. “In fact, I would prefer this over anything else.” 

You were close enough to see his pupils dilate and notice how his breath hitched as you touched him. He pulled away from you, hiding behind his screen and pretended to be busy with opening a new document. “I… I need to write.”

“But that’s the problem…” you whined, pouting that he pulled away but you didn’t press the issue any further. Watching him squirm was so satisfying; and you hadn’t even done anything yet. “You were writing the last time and you had the same problem, so stop writing this time and get into it.” You suggested. 

“I can’t.” he shook his head vehemently. “I can’t do it. No.” 

You sighed, putting your hands on your hips and looked at him. You never pegged him to be the kind of guy who waited until marriage to be intimate, but it seemed like he was alluding to the fact that he was saving himself. If he wasn’t, he was at least being very reserved for the type of content he was writing. “Fine, we don’t have to do it,” you conceded before going back to stripping yourself bare. “But feel free to help yourself to whatever you need for inspiration.” You winked, looking down at his crotch and he hastily crossed his legs when your gaze lingered. 

He was so cute. You couldn’t tell if he knew exactly what he was doing. It was hard to expect someone so beautiful and of his age to not get intimate when the chance arose. Part of you wondered if it was because you weren’t desirable to him outside of your little acts. Dwelling on that thought made your chest hurt in bitterness and you shoved that to the side to focus on helping him instead. 

You flopped back down on the chair, spreading your legs and resting them on the arms of the chair so that Simeon had a clear view of what you were about to do to yourself. Having him watch everything you did so close to you aroused much faster than you expected. “Well, time to get to work.” you said nonchalantly. 

You closed your eyes, imagining Simeon joining you in getting nude. You imagined what it would be like for him to reveal his skin a little at a time in a playful strip tease. He always wore such bulky and cozy looking sweaters, it made you wonder just what kind of body he was hiding underneath all the layers. You started at your breasts again, squeezing them together and playing with them to aid in the fantasy. 

In front of you, Simeon was typing up a storm. In your mind, it was his hands at your breasts, playing with your nipples until they were perky. You thought about him latching his soft lips around your nipple, licking at the sensitive skin there until you squirmed and moaned his name. You were careful this time to make sure you didn’t accidentally call for him when you really got into it. You weren’t in a rush to experience that embarrassment a second time. 

He could see your folds progressively get wetter as you touched yourself and wrapped yourself in a fantasy he had no access to. Recalling the last time, Simeon wondered if he was occupying your mind again. This time, he was much more aware of his body’s reactions to the scene in front of him. There was no way he could ignore the pressure growing in his pants. No matter how much he focused on the document in front of him, he could feel his desires bubbling and threatening to spill over. 

It was different this time. You were sprawled out in front of him, moaning softly and panting. Your head rested on the back of the chair. With your eyes closed and your mouth open slightly in an “O” you looked absolutely angelic. He wanted to join you, his fingers stopped typing and he was once again frozen, watching the performance in front of him. 

You noticed he stopped typing much sooner than the last time and smirked a bit, cracking open your eyes to see his precious face staring at you in wonder. “Like what you see?” You asked coyly, sliding one hand down from your breast to your pussy. You spread yourself wide so he could see exactly just how wet you were. 

Simeon only nodded, entranced with the way your folds glistened and he could smell your arousal from where he sat. He licked his lips holding onto his fraying desires as best as he could. Control yourself. You can do this. “Y-yes…” His voice came out thickly, as if his vocal chords refused to work properly. 

You giggled, loving how riled up you were getting him and slowly rubbed your slick slit with your fingers. You moaned, the pleasure your fingers gave you was much better than riding a pillow. With just a quick glance, you noticed he had uncrossed his legs and was sporting a rather impressive tent in his pants. “Well, I’m glad that you’re not bored.” you teased much to his dismay. 

His hands flew to his crotch, covering himself and he tried to will his boner back down to no avail. You giggled again, pulling his attention away from his arousal. “It’s okay, I would have been disappointed if you didn’t get turned on by what you’re seeing.” 

“I uhm…” 

“It’s okay.” You reassured him again. “Feel free to join in however you want. It only makes it all the more fun.” 

Simeon gulped, torn between work and pleasure. He put himself in this predicament, he needed to figure a way out of it. He needed relief and he needed to write. The two sides of him warred as he scrambled with his fizzling brain to figure out something. An epiphany dawned on him when he heard his phone go off. 

“Spam?” you asked when he fumbled with the incoming call, trying to silence the ringtone. “Or were you expecting someone?” 

“Ah.. uhm… spam. I think.” He confirmed once he managed to figure out to disregard the call without picking it up. The next thing he needed to figure out was how to get the camera working and recording. You wanted to help him, but with one hand covered in fluids, you weren’t sure if he wanted you touching his phone. 

Eventually with a little vocal coaching on your end and a lot of fumbling on his side, he got it to work and propped the phone up to start recording what you were doing. If he was going to get relief now, he needed to at least have proper reference to go back to later. 

“Wow… you are so much kinkier than I thought.” You joked, causing Simeon to cover his face in shame, but he didn’t try to argue. There was something about having everything recorded for later that only added to the sexual tension in the room. 

“It’s for research…” He mumbled more to convince himself than to explain to you what he was doing. 

“Right… research.” 

He moved his hands to mirror your own. One at his crotch and the other at his chest. It was difficult to hide your disappointment when you saw he wasn’t about to expose himself. His hand slipped under his clothes to touch and tease at his skin. You could see the barest hint of his abs peeking out from underneath the oversized sweater and you practically drooled at just the little bit of skin he showed off. You couldn’t help a small pout, frustrated at how unfair it was that you were putting in so much work for him and he could just so cutely masturbate alongside you. 

The frustration disappeared the moment you saw his eyelids flutter clothes and he let out a soft moan. It was the most beautiful sound in the world and it was infinitely better than anything you could have imagined. His blue eyes lidded with pleasure were only opened to a sliver as he urged you to continue what you were doing. 

With the camera rolling and the very vision of sin in front of you, you were more than eager to get back to getting off. Your finger found your clit and you rubbed it in the way that always made you see stars. “Hmmm, oh yeah…” You groaned, flicking your finger side to side before circling the little bundle of nerves. You were undoubtedly going to ruin his furniture again, but you didn’t care. 

Simeon watched the way your fingers moved and he mimicked everything you did. His hand under his shirt pinched and rolled his nipple between his fingers. The sensation made him hiss from the initial pain but that was quickly replaced by pleasure which sent jolts of bliss straight to his aching cock. He bit his lip, repeating the motion, drowning himself in the sensation over and over again. 

The scent of your essence was thick in the air. It felt like you were surrounding him with every breath he took. You were invading his every thought and infecting everything he thought was pure. But the freedom you gave him and the gratification that came with it was intoxicating. He couldn’t get enough of your breathy moans and the wet sounds of your fingers toying with yourself. 

His own hand in his pants pumped his cock in time with the motion of your fingers. At one point you had done the most lascivious thing and slipped a finger inside of you. His eyes widened as the digit disappeared and reappeared covered in your slick. His cock twitched in his hand in jealousy. He wanted to be buried in there, he wanted to feel your heat surround him. But all he had was his hand to satisfy him. 

Simeon was heavily panting now, working up to a frantic pace in his pants as his hand stroked his length. It was cramped and uncomfortable; but he couldn’t bear to expose himself to you. Surely that would be too much for you to see; and he wasn’t sure if he could control himself if he stripped alongside you. 

“Mmm, I’m getting close.” you groaned, rolling your hips to meet your fingers and you teased your clit further, feeling your body tense in preparation for your climax. “What about you?” 

“I… Uh.. I’m…” Simeon, stuttered, not able to process how close he was. It was so different from all the times he relieved himself alone. He just had to keep going until he was done. But with you in front of him, he wanted to do it together with you. Seeing your soaked pussy right in front of him made him more excited than he ever had been. “I think I’m close…” 

You laughed at his naivety. “You think?” You teased. Perhaps you needed to up the ante a bit. “Come on… come with me.” You beckoned and pressed two fingers into your tight hole. 

He blinked rapidly, trying to comprehend what his hormones were doing. Seeing your fingers being engulfed by your pussy, sliding in and out slowly while you moaned right next to him was pressing all the right buttons in him. He could see you stretch to accommodate your fingers and he was entranced by that. Without warning, he gasped, his grip on his cock tightened as he came. “Oh … I’m… I’m sorry…” He panted. “You just… that was… Uhm..” 

“Too hot for you to handle?” You asked, now working yourself faster. The face he made when he came all of a sudden was so hot. You would definitely think back on it during lonely nights. Simeon’s breathy moans, the way his skin glowed with a thin sheen of sweat from exertion. It all added up to be a breathtaking image. 

“I...Yeah…” You could see the faintest hint of red on his cheeks and smirked, satisfied that he was enjoyed himself just as much as you were loving every moment you were in front of him. 

“Good… I guess it’s my turn then.” You said and went right into the motions of getting yourself to climax. Locking the image of Simeon’s “O” face in your mind, you finger fucked yourself closer and closer to completion. 

You could feel your inner walls tighten and you were just at the edge of no return when you felt Simeon’s firm hand pull your fingers away. Whining loudly and glaring at him, you were about to berate him for ruining your good time until your entrance was filled with his own slender fingers. “Let me help you…” He said, his bright blue eyes were lit with a determination you hadn’t seen before and the fire behind them was such a turn on. 

For someone who had just been so bashful about being intimate with you at the beginning, Simeon sure was being bold now. You didn’t say anything, not like you really could. Your capacity to form coherent words disappeared when his slender fingers entered you and mimicked the motions you had shown him. He was a fast learner, able to have you shivering with little to no effort. It was hard to believe just how he had a sudden switch in personality, but it was beside you to figure it out now. 

You were free to call his name. After all, he was the one touching you now. “Oh… Simeon.” you moaned, panting and once again ramping towards your climax. This time, he was in control of the pace and the intensity of what got you off. He curled his fingers in you and you cried out loud when he brushed past a sensitive spot in you. He was so gentle and so precise, it was mind blowing what he picked up just from watching you. 

“You’re close… right?” He asked sweetly. You looked at him and the intensity in his eyes was only made more obvious against his dark skin. The tone of his voice was in direct contrast to the laser focus his gaze had on your most intimate parts. Just the dichotomy of that alone inched you dangerously close to your climax. 

Then, his thumb pressed against your clit and your world exploded. It was just the last bit of stimulation you needed to go over the edge. You clutched onto the arms of the chair while you rode out the high on his fingers. A mixture of curses and his name fell from your lips as you breathlessly tried to ground yourself. Your inner walls clenched around his digits and Simeon continued to slowly slide them in and out of you, marveling at the sensation of your pussy milking his fingers. 

You kept seeing stars at the edge of your vision with every extra pass he took. You wanted to tell him to stop, but he was too engrossed in his ‘research’ to really pay any of your protests any mind. Eventually, he pulled his fingers out of you and you sighed in both relief and disappointment. 

Simeon looked at his glistening fingers, holding them to the light and observed the slick essence that coated them. It was almost a little embarrassing to watch him be so intrigued by your fluids that you needed to distract yourself by getting dressed again so you didn’t have to look at him. While you had your back turned, Simeon experimentally licked his coated fingers and by the time you were fully clothed, he had fully cleaned them off. He looked at you and licked his lips. “Research.” He said nonchalantly with a shrug. 

“Right… research.” you said, already getting hot and bothered again at what you had just witnessed. This man will be the end of me. “Do you think you’ve gotten all you need for your next scene?” 

“Hmm….” He nodded sagely, remembering to stop recording. “I’ll have to review everything, but I think I know where to go from here.” 

You smiled good naturedly and pat his head gently. “Don’t overwork yourself.” you said gathering your things. Once again, it had gotten late and you had to regretfully leave to ensure you caught the last trains home. “Call me or text me  if you need help again, okay?” 

“Oh, of course. I plan on it.” He smiled at you and your heart melted a little, but there was a devilish nature to that smile that had never been there before. “I’ll finish the next chapter probably in a week and send it to you.” 

“I can’t wait to see what you come up with. I’m sure it’ll be great, as usual.” You grinned, feeling giddy after such a great climax as well as knowing that Simeon was able to continue working. It would definitely be good news to report back to the publishing house and keep them off his back as he worked in peace. 

He let out a soft laugh, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. It was a shame that he was already back to his usual innocent self. You wouldn’t have minded seeing more of that sex god who showed himself a few moments before. “Well, I’ll do my best to not disappoint. I have a lot to learn.” 

“I’ll be sure to help you in any way I can.” You said. Looking down at your phone, you gasped noticing the time. “Shit. I gotta run if I don’t wanna walk all the way home tonight. Text me if you need anything!” You yelled, halfway across his home and stumbling to get your shoes back on. 

When the door slammed shut, the silence that surrounded Simeon was deafening. He had been able to hold out on taking you, but it didn’t mean he hadn’t gotten a taste of what it was like to sin. The uncomfortable dampness of his cum clung to his leg, but he barely noticed it. Instead, he was focused on the file on his phone. The recording of what transpired that afternoon. 

Taking a shaky breath, he resisted the urge to press play. The scent of your arousal and the taste of your essence were still too fresh in his mind. He needed to clean up. He needed to work. He needed to research and plan for you. He sighed and started to make his way to the shower. If he needed relief, then at least he could take care of it there and not in the mess that was his soiled pants. 

As the sun sank past the horizon and gave way to night, the light within his soul waned and the darkness he had pushed aside grew. After a taste of sin, it was only natural that he would crave more until it consumed him. 

And it felt heavenly.

[nostalgiabones]

Without Me // M.C

This is for @sadistmichael’s Michael event! Thank you so much for holding this Jex — I’m always here for as much inclusive Michael content as we can get so I’m so glad to be a part of this! Please check out the other writers blurbs/fics who have written for this event too, under the tag #michael2020 ♥️

The idea for this is based on this text post! I also made a side blog where i’m going to be reblogging inspo for writing, so follow me at @loveroflrhwrites​ if you’re interested in seeing that! 

Content — singledad!Michael x non-gendered reader

“Hey, I’m home. Where are my two favourite people?”

Michael’s loud voice calls out from the door to his apartment — his black boots squeaking against the wooden floor as he enters the place he calls home. The scent of a familiar dish instantly fills his senses; Levi’s favourite chicken and vegetable pasta. He spots his own dinner plated up on the kitchen counter, and his stomach rumbles at the sight.

He drops his keys in the dish next to the door, before removing his boots and jacket. He wonders why the apartment is so quiet — definitely out of the ordinary.

Michael is confused as he moves through the apartment, yet he doesn’t have to look far until he solves the mystery of the quietness. His gaze softens as he spots you on the sofa, Levi tucked up to your side — his head on your shoulder as the two of you have an evening nap. He knows Levi shouldn’t really be asleep at this time, but since he’s already had dinner, he hopes he can just move him to his bed and let him have an early night.

“Hey, bud.” Michael kneels down next to the sofa, ever so gently pushing Levi’s hair away from his face. He stirs, a hand lifting to rub at his eyes, as he realises he’s fallen asleep in the lounge. He gives him a minute to wake up and to get his bearings. “I’m here. Shall we go to bed, huh? Are you sleepy?”

He’s met with a small nod, and Levi cuddles up to you a little more — wanting to retain the warmth radiating from you and the thick fluffy blanket you’re tucked under. He holds his arms out to Michael, letting him pick him up, and curling into his chest to stay warm. Michael kisses his forehead as he holds him for the first time that day, feeling content with the weight of his son in his arms.

“I missed you so much today, bubba. I’m not going to the studio tomorrow so we can do whatever you want, okay?” Michael speaks quietly to his son, not wanting to disturb him anymore than he already has. He feel as though he hasn’t spent anywhere near as much time as he should’ve with Levi this week and it makes his heart ache. After another long day working on the album, he told his bandmates that he needs tomorrow off, that he needs the time to spend with his son and partner. They understand — they always do.

“Okay, dad.” Levi is trying to hold onto the sleep he had fallen into. There’s nothing he loves more then spending the day with Michael and you (and Milo), especially when he’s given the choice of what to do. Levi is usually chatty — especially when Michael has just gotten home, and he hasn’t seen him all day. Not in his current sleepy state though. “Can we go swimming please?”

“If that’s what you want to do buddy,” Michael replies, carrying him through to his bedroom. Levi has done a few swimming lessons so far, and he loves it — especially when Michael is there to get involved.

Michael leans down, pulling back Levi’s planet themed duvet (following his latest obsession — space and everything to do with it) and setting the four year old down into it. He kneels down next to the bed, watching as Levi curls up against the soft sheets, lying on his front, his hands above his head. He’s slept like that ever since he was a baby and Michael loves that he still does it now.

“Good night, Levi. Have a good sleep so we can have a fun day tomorrow,” He whispers, tucking the covers over his back and running his fingertips through his hair. “You know where we are if you need us. I love you.”

“Love you, dad.” He murmurs sleepily in response, and Michael’s heart melts at the sound — he still remembers the first time Levi told him that he loves him, and it still provokes the same reaction every time.

Michael stays there for a moment, rubbing his hand over Levi’s back gently until he knows he’s fallen asleep once more. He stands up, switching on the moon and stars nightlight on the dresser, illuminating the room with a soft yellow glow. Levi hasn’t quite defeated his fear of the dark yet, and Michael wasn’t going to rush him, although they were working on it.

He softly closes the door behind him, heading back to the lounge where you were still asleep on the sofa. It’s then he notices the Disney + home screen on the TV, and it’s clear the two of you had fallen asleep watching a movie.

“Hey, you,” Michael gently shakes your shoulder, sitting on the edge of the sofa. All he wants to do is to get under the soft blanket and cuddle up next to you, yet he knows he should help you into bed instead, where you’ll be more comfortable. “Wakey wakey sleepy head.”

You furrow your eyebrows at the disturbance, slowly opening your eyes to find Michael in front of you. You realise Levi is no longer next to you and whatever movie you were watching has finished, and that Michael is home from the studio.

“When did you get back?” You ask sleepily, stretching out your arms and shoulders from where you’ve been laid on the sofa for so long. He smiles at your voice, heavy with tiredness — it makes him feel soft and warm inside. “And why haven’t you kissed me yet?”

“How rude of me.” He murmurs, leaning forward to drop a soft kiss to the tip of your nose, before he brushes his lips against yours in a greeting kiss. “I’m sorry, baby. Also I got home about five minutes ago, I just put Levi to bed.”

“I made you dinner,” You tell him, sitting up a little so you can cuddle into his side. His hoodie is warm and soft and smells like him, a subtle scent of fresh cotton that always reminds you of him. His arm wraps around your shoulders and his hand lands on your side, thumb rubbing little circles. “It’ll need heating up, I can do it if you want.”

He shakes his head, turning to press a kiss to your temple as you attempt to stay awake.

“I got it babe, thank you.” He replies, deciding he’ll eat it in bed. He knows if you stay out here you’ll fall asleep again, and he can’t think of a better way to spend the rest of the evening than having an early night with you. He playfully slaps your thigh to coax you to stand up. “Come on, let’s get in bed.”

“You’ll get crumbs in the bed.” You yawn as you stand up, rubbing your eyes once more as he rolls his.

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael replies, knowing that you’re right, and even in your half asleep state you’re still aware of how messy he can be. “If it annoys you so much you can go to your own bed next door.”

His touch lingers on your hip as you sleepily rest your head on his shoulder, furrowing your eyebrows and pouting at his words — mumbling a “you’re so mean to me” as you head to his bedroom. His bedroom, that recently, had felt more like your own since you spent so much time there. It would take you less than 30 seconds to go next door to your own bed, but why would you when there’s no Michael in there to hold you? Even Milo’s bed has ended up in his room.

“Time to tuck my second baby into bed.” Michael comments, pulling back his duvet so you can climb into the bed. The room is cosy and familiar — it’s so easy to feel at home there, especially since spending so much time in his apartment. “Did you have a good day with Levi?”

You nod, yawning as your head hits the pillow. You gravitate towards the middle of the bed, your face pressed against Michael’s cushion as he changes out of his jeans and hoodie into a pair of shorts. He silently gestures for you to move over as he gets into the bed next to you, holding his arm out so you can lay on his chest.

“Yeah, we did some reading. He’s getting much better with the spaceman book we started,” You reply, cuddling into his side as his fingers lightly trace circles on your back. His skin is warm against your face as you lay against him, your head on his shoulder. “I think it helps that it’s space related. I swear you could get him to do anything if astronauts are involved.”

Michael smiles at your words, his heart aching with how he misses his son, even though he’s only in the room across from you. He never thought he’d be away from him so much, not until he met you — since he had so much anxiety about finding a babysitter for Levi. He didn’t have to worry about that now, yet the guilt of spending more time at the studio eats at him.

“My little space nerd.” He chuckles, his bottom lip forming a pout as he thinks about his son. He also thinks about how grateful he is to have you and how glad he is that Levi has a positive influence around him, when he’s not there. “Thanks for watching him, babe. You know how much I appreciate it.”

You lift your head to kiss his scruffy jaw, his skin scratchy against your lips due to his facial hair growing out a little longer than he usually leaves it.

“You’re welcome. He’s a sweet boy, I love hanging out with him.” You reply, pulling the duvet up over your shoulders to get comfortable against him. “Now, are you gonna eat dinner before I fall asleep again?”

“I’m too comfortable now,” He groans, although he knows he should eat since he hasn’t had the chance to all day. His lips brush over your forehead a few times before you roll over onto your own side of his bed, letting him go and get his dinner. He stands up from the bed, yawning before heading to the kitchen. “Be right back.”

“Hurry, Michael.” You call out behind him. “The bed isn’t the same without you.”

***

Feedback is always very appreciated! Please let me know of any other requests you have for Michael & Levi 💘

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Masterlist

[widowsofchaos]

Kool Aid, i

summary: One phone-call is all it takes to unravel regret.

pairing: Winterwitch (Bucky x Wanda) x black!reader

warnings: mentions of drug abuse, vulgarity, domestic abuse, childhood abuse, mentions of mental health; eventual smut, angst.

a/n: Beta the glorious @heli0s-writes​ aka mom. Thanks for your incredible insight, and commentary; and for teaching this rusty writer to be better!

ao3  // kool-aid masterlist

do not repost my works.

Inky indigo falls over Pennsylvania.

Moonless darkness cloaks the fifty-acre land. Skittering stars twinkle and gleam in the night sky like uncut diamonds - crickets chirp across the freshly cut lawn. The low hum of security light sensors buzz around the perimeter as patients sleep off their detoxed bodies.

Security guards slip into hazy slumber in their seats at the front lobby. Jumpy crickets ignite sensors and the white light filters through the one-window of a shared room painted creamy white, rays of artificial light flares upon two bodies.

“I burned and ached for wings. A child born from hate learns to self-loath like a badge of honor.”

A watery sigh infiltrates the deafening silence, interrupting your overflowing thoughts. “Jesus - that’s heavy.” The crumpled paper held between two brown spidery fingers, handing it back to you, you huffed a hollow chuckle, as you retrieved the tiny note-pad.

Beyond crumpled due to constant refolding, an anxious tick you never quite kicked, you mumbled a genuine thanks.

It’s difficult letting strangers read your poetry, you feel as if your skin was peeled off, and exposed raw for the salts of judgment. Writing has always been an escape from reality, releasing pent up emotions onto paper. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to stop the binging.

But with MJ, you never felt more safer. You were comfortable. You read her lines of Shakespeare, both sharing books and music. She taught you odd historical facts - recites buzzfeed unsolved mysteries to exact memory, facts about serial killers, and feminism -- observant, bold, honest -- a whizz this spitfire is.

It’s been a long-time since you felt the comfort of another person, just a year ago - you were abandoned, thrown out into the cold by the very ones who promised a better future. How naive, you actually started to joke that the drugs were finally starting to rot your brains for believing such bullshit.

A cruel joke, all the day-dreams, obsessing over the tiny details, because when you’re in love, all the tiny minuscule moments of the ones you yearn for is pure brilliance. As if they could do no wrong. Mesmerized with moon eyes as your beating heart bleeds over the stitches in your fore-arm.

Love is a monster. A beast that feeds on the mush of your scrambled brains. Destructing your flesh, ripping your skin apart with its claws, gnawing on bones, till finally it reaches your soul - that's love.

You fall hard, deep within hell’s pits, but it’s agonizingly slow. It doesn’t bring the best out of you, because life is unfair, and humans tend to savor evil acts of betrayal.

Layers of trauma, and depression unravel - the strings that attached your leaning limbs are flailing, you become yourself a clingy, and needy little beast. Bury it under grave dirt, the maw of pure unadulterated pain. The falsehood of euphoria dwindles from a ball of sunshine, to a dying star particle.

You lost what made you years ago.

Moving on a greyhound to PA to a pristine rehabilitation center was meant to recover, maybe learn how to be independent emotionally - recover from drugs, you weren’t too sure.

You shouldn’t have talked to MJ, confess your dirty secrets, insecurities, the relationship with your parents - except for a particular one - that one needs to wither in ashes.

MJ understands. The pain, and the emptiness. She’s been there, one in the same. No one understands, especially your parents. Not for the lack of effort, or so you think. Mom, and dad supported you physically: put clothes on your back, fed your belly, gave you your prescribed medicine - although muttered chastised indirects on how pills were unnecessary, you weren’t ill enough. If you’re not dying, or suffering from broken bones and bruises - you’re not ill.

They were your parents - it’s their obligation by default.

It’s duty, not love.

The addictions crept slowly over the years, progressing into aggressive vices - suffocating, but balms of comfort. You became a masochist to your demons: you would hurt in the aftermath, but kept running for more-- that one moment in time - as if you were floating into emptiness.

No one can hurt you there - where you are nothing. Weightless nirvana. Self-hate festers in your mind, you don’t even feel like your breathing. Then it happens - the fall. Your breathing slows down, rapid choppy spurts - your limbs become numb, your mind fizzles like TV static.

You know a lot of people hate you, and you understand that - you hate yourself too. If you could turn the hands of time, and change yourself, you would. You don’t do it for yourself, but you do it for your mom, and your dad - although you resent them at the best of times, but ever so the people pleaser. And now for MJ.

“You’re beyond talented. I wish I was good at something -”You cut her off, “No, don’t say that. You have so much potential. You just have to unlock it. I never met a person so intelligent.” You turn your head facing her side profile, admiring her button nose, and the smooth slope to the tip. MJ side-eyes you, her face straight forward, a curled smirk before she winks at you. “You really think so?” Hazily smiled at her, you nodded.

“I know so.”

You mourn for the girl you used to be.

You wish you were like a girl like MJ.

Beneath a snarky girl is revived dreams. With her brains, beauty, intellience - yet tenderness; she will make it far in life.

You? You’re surprised you made it past eighteen. Maybe God is gonna snuff you out at thirty. Damn, you hope so.

It’s all in your head.

Maybe you’re not trying hard enough?

You don’t want to get better hard enough - you’re lazy. If you did, you would be feeling better now.

You want to get better - but how? Fake it till you make it, right? Crying spells, and the dissociation hidden from the outside world. Exhaustion from laying in bed all day, the copious amount of shedded weight, the purple hues under your eyes - one time, you couldn’t leave the bed for days.

Refusing to relieve your bladder, all the urine just building - the cramps were monstrous. Got a uterine infection, and spent a few days laid up on a hospital bed.

Why bother? Why try? You’re too hurt to give one single fuck - your garden is barren any fucks to give. Slowly die, just lay in bed, and do nothing. Maybe one day, you’ll disappear. What a miracle that would be.

Cause quite frankly, you’re just fucking exhausted.

“Hey-” a poke on your ribs, “Where did you go?” MJ has been trying to gain your attention, but you slip hazily into that decrypted space, as always in that depressing bubble. It worries MJ, but doesn’t surprise her. Not anymore anyways.

“Nowhere special.” Your tongue turning sour from the kool aid you had earlier, nervously rubbing against your teeth. You wiggle your body more into your old navy blue university sweater, skin seeking desperately for warmth.

Like a child seeking their own personal woobie blanket - your bird-nest hair sticks to your face, too tired to brush it, MJ usually badgers you for her to detangle the curls and braid it.

MJ’s nimble fingers caress your hairline, weaving it’s travel into your matted curls, “Do you wanna talk about it?” Not yet. “Later, I’m really tired. Can we just rest a bit?” you ask, a bit breathless. Panic of abandonment sores through your veins. Your throat constricts, as your first tear of the night threatens to fall.

Your body instinctively twists, and shifts into MJ’s caring arms. “Sure.” A loving embrace, a friend. Finally a fucking friend - while your old ones spilt to find their own purpose, and sobriety.

All contact cut off - because of that one night. That fatal night. A croaked laugh slips from your plump lips, the cracks of your shield splinters, and shatters. Tears form at your squinted eyes, a smile reaches your ears, stretching your brown cheeks, and it hurts.

All of it hurts.

MJ shushes you, engulfing you in her arms, the smell of laundry detergent floods your lungs. It’s a certain smell your nose is familiar with; a homebody smell - anonymous in description, and name but nostalgic.

Smells of the past - you nuzzle your nose into her loose fitted shirt, the flaps of her red checkered plaid shirt curtain your face, a quick kiss on the forehead.

Wrists tucked against her shirt, afraid to let go. Please God, let me have just one friend.

“It’s okay.” MJ, a Queens girl, forced here by her parents, has seen pain like you have. Thin razor scars on her arms, and thighs tell stories of a frightened girl who seeks to feel alive through pain. Cuts, and slashes - to remind herself, ‘Hey I’m still here.’

Rubbing circles on your scalp, “I gotta brush your hair soon.” She understands, and does it with sincerity. Encourages you what you need to do to take care of you, and somehow you listen to her advice. Listens to your troubles, and instead of mindless efforts to move, she says things like ‘It’s okay, take your time. I’m here for you.’ ‘You’re important to me.’

The only good thing rehab has done for you is bring her into your life. All the droning repetitive phrases uttered out of that tyrant therapist of yours, ‘How does that make you feel?’ ‘Um, shitty. As always. Now can I please get some fucking valium?’ The kumbaya bullshit in group therapy is - no, not for you.

The fake closeness, holding hands for inner strength and even passed judgement bestowed by fucking assholes who abuses the same drugs as you, but different reasons - upon each other. It makes you forget how to breathe - the compulsive urge to count your breathing has gotten worse over the weeks.

Family workshops? Choke. Die. Rebuke it. You screamed, and threw furniture across the facility like a feral she-beast - shouting on the top of your lungs that you rather sodomize yourself with your own detached right arm then confront the very ones who fucked you up since birth.

Two needles of tranquillisation settled your lungs, and brain - that was a spectacular one-woman show of mental deterioration. You slept it off for a day, and a half.

Nine months of being rehab buddies turned into a full-fledged friendship.

Thank God for MJ.

-

A disembodied voice beckons you out of a dreamless slumber, bracing above you as you clutched onto a knocked out MJ. The blinding fluorescent tubes shine through the dreary dark room. A constant call of your name. Through bleary vision, you croaked, “Yes, God?” A low timbre of your name. Scolding an overgrown child. “Y/n, there’s a phone call for you at the main desk. It’s your mom.” You grumbled at Ms. Brown, a nurse administrator.

There’s an edge to her voice, it’s odd - she’s usually patient, and speaks in kind tones.

“Okay.” You groaned, your eyes too dry, and groggy to roll back to the base of your skull of annoyance. Carefully detaching your arms, and legs that were tucked in MJ’s petite frame, crawling out of the nest of wrinkled paper-thin sheets, as Ms. Brown awaited with her hip leaning against the door-frame.

Padding out of the room in white socks, black shorts, and an oversized pull over. Trailing behind the massive presence of flesh and bone, like a baby chick to a hen, down the hall to the main desk in the lobby. Embarrassed by your repulsive state, you hide your ratty hair in your hoodie, and stash your chewed nails in the pockets. Ms. Brown picks up the black rotary phone that laid on its back on the shiny desk. Was that pity in her eyes?

You searched for the clock that hung above on the wall, 3:38 am. You snarled, your mother must have a good reason to bother you.

It’s been about five months of no contact with her, your spine crawled at the anticipation to hear her voice. Clutching the phone between ear, and shoulder, “Hi, mom.” you deadpanned.

A sniffle, then a sob. Your brows furrowed, “Mom, what’s wrong?” mindlessly your fingers toy with the curled extension cord. “It’s your father, baby.” Your chest began to cave, your eye twitched, “What’s wrong with daddy?” your chapped lips spoke closer to the speaker, your knuckles whitening from caramel brown.

“Oh honey -” cut the theatrics, and spill it. “He’s dead.” A light in your head went out, your pupils widened, your breath stopped, your lungs shriveled to ashes, “How?” you wheezed.

Is this shock? You couldn’t tell - your mother’s nasally voice drowns into white noise, unshed tears form at the brim, all you heard was heart-attack - perhaps two funerals are at the horizon, you’re tipping at the iceberg - a potential asthma attack.

Ms. Brown keeps ushering the words, ‘focus on your breathing.’ A caring hand placed between your shoulder blades, rubbing in circles.

“You have to come home.” You wretchedly spit on the marbled desk, dry-heaved on the spot at those words, and Ms. Brown quickly snagged the phone from your hand, holding your trembling form in her soft doughy arms. “She needs to lie down for a moment. It’s three in the morning, so she needs some sleep. I’ll make sure she’s okay …” all the bulbs in your head burn out, an empty cranium.

You have to come home.

Back to Brooklyn.

-

Ms. Brown leads you back to your room, constantly asking if you’re okay. You reply robotically, yes. Tending to you, tucking you into your own bed as if you would fall by the sims. Cocooning you in the white blanket, reaches up to your chin. You close your eyes, trying to numb yourself.

You wait.

Till her footfalls fade, with a click of the lock. Wait at least sixty seconds, brown hues open with a careless flutter of the lashes.

A moment of peace - now search. Perked on the tips of your toes sinking into your mattress, you skillfully remove the ceiling tile above your bed, your hand snuck inside, c’mon, c’mon, where is it? Aha! Stretched fingers glide a plastic packet out of its hideaway. A little jiggle between your fingers, white powder of delight - a morning snack.

Skip over to MJ’s bed, you grasped her arm, and draped it over your shoulder. “What happened?” MJ mumbled, her eyes still shut closed, a beat of silence. “My dad is dead.” MJ’s eyes peel open at the news, “How?” You love that she doesn’t ask if you’re okay, because you’re far from it.

“Heart-attack.” MJ hugged your body tightly against hers. “The last time I talked to him, I screamed that I hated him.” Your voice wavered, muffled at the crook of her neck, “I never got to say goodbye.” MJ harshly swallowed the bile at her throat, she didn’t say a word. There’s no need, the impassive cadence was enough confirmation - the grief hasn’t fully ingrained in you.

“You’re gonna save some for me, right?” A half-hearted joke.

The packaged cocaine still hidden in the confines of your pocket bellows for your nostrils, to rub it against your teeth and gums - your parched tongue.

“Of course.”

You blink.

Another blink.

You sighed a distant exhale, your swollen heart dying against your cavity, and you blink.

All you can do is blink.

[your-world-with-nct]

— 2020 has been a wild year for all of us and let me start this off by saying well done to us all for simply making it through this crazy ride - if surviving this year was your biggest achievement, that’s completely okay, and i am so proud of you for being here today !! despite the many, let’s say, mishaps, that have occurred this year, both nct and nctzens have been key in my 2020 and i couldn’t be more grateful for them, so i decided to make a little appreciation post of my own before the year ends 🥰

— to my followers ;

my petals !! i can’t believe i started off this year with around 300 followers and i’m now nearing 600 🙈 this account has grown so much this year and it’s all thanks to you. if you’ve ever come across my blog, liked or reblogged a piece of mine, sent me an ask, or pressed that follow button, i want you to know that i am so grateful for you and thank you for enjoying my works 🥺 hopefully 2021 will carry the same positive energy here on your-world-with-nct as it has this year and i’m hoping that you’ll be seeing a lot more fics in the near future 👀 once again, i love you petals <3

— to my dearest mutuals ;

@emistoomultifandom

em bubs !!! i know i could easily do this on any other app or even irl but i just wanted to thank you for making my year 🥺 my lockdown wouldn’t have been the same without us constantly texting and fangirling and our ty track/bfc reunion on my birthday was elite. and obviously this new school year has been an adventure and a half so far, with all the lunch time shenanigans, revision sessions, and exam stress, but i can’t wait for the rest of it 🙈 i am so grateful that i had you by my side during 2020 and i am eternally thankful that i’ll be able to go into the new year with you by my side once again 🧡💚💜

@misfitneo

bella - my first mutual, my tumblr mum - it feels like just yesterday that you wrote a beomgyu blurb for me after seeing my pink theme; now you’ve finished college and i’m applying to colleges 🙈i know we haven’t been able to talk as much recently but that doesn’t mean i appreciate your presence any less - i’m so proud of you for getting into med school and pursuing your dream 🥺🥺 i hope that this year treated you well, and that 2021 treats you even better 💞

@nsheeteeish

loml, almost birthday-twin, fellow leo and xiaojaem stan, fave writer - what do these things have in common? they all apply to v, or, yeet anon, if you remember the days where i ranted to you about my crush and you were a baby stay 😪 not only have you delivered such amazing content on ur writing and gif blogs, but you have provided so much comfort and joy to me whenever we message with dilay 🤧 i look forward to checking your blog every day for new posts and my twt and insta notifs in case you’ve sent me something or you’ve seen what i sent you 🙈 the fact that you think of me when you see certain things just warms my heart and you’re just such a caring person in general, thank you for being a part of my 2020 v, all the best wishes for your 2021 🖤

@cloudyangers

dilay !!! my resident yangqi and the person i think of straight away whenever i see yangyang 😚 i remember when you first requested that e2l chenle blurb back in 2019 and now the only chenle stan between us is v 😁 finding you on this app again after i forgot what ur skz blog’s url was, was just amazing and i don’t know what my tumblr experience would be like without me being able to reconnect with you 🥺 thank you for being able to make me laugh effortlessly with our lack of geography knowledge and our random antics, i will always look forward to seeing the username @cloudy_____ on my dash and screaming over renhyuckyang (+ sungchan 👀) with you for years to come 🤍

@nctsoftarchives

andi bb, my fellow dad!johnny stan 🥺 seeing you post a jaemin birthday blurb for me after your return to tumblr was so sweet and i can’t believe your first post after coming back was dedicated to me 🤧 i remember the day i first messaged you and you were gushing over how you were a big fan of mine and i said the same about you - we were just going back and forth about how much we love each other’s work 😌 you are such a talented writer and you are so full of love - wishing all the best for you in the coming new year babie 🥰

@jensungf

coming across leyna’s blog after reading that jsmr fic was the best decision, because not only have i befriended a brilliant writer, but also a jensung enthusiast who is just the kindest 🥺🥺 i think now would be a good time to tell you that despite jeno’s bias wrecking antics back in august, i actually bias jisung now 😃 i know we haven’t talked in a while, because of our busy schedules, but i hope you’re resting well and i hope that 2021 won’t be as hectic for you 💟

@doyoungcore

joyce, i know we only started talking recently but the serotonin boost both you and your works have given me this year is just incredible and i am so thankful for your warm personality on your blog and for your amazing fics 🤧 i started off as a silent reader who gushed about your writing in the tags but now i’m friends with such a talented writer and we just casually ramble about doie and jaems biases and writing struggles,,, wow 🤯 (btw took some of ur tips on editing headers 🙈) i hope that next year we can expand our friendship and that i can continue to give you the feedback you deserve 🥺💕

— favourite reads of the year ;

i have reblogged all of these to my main @/lovelycharm05 before, but i just wanted these masterpieces on here with everyone since these fics are so memorable and enjoyable to me <3 (beware there is lots of me gushing over how f&%#ing good all these writing techniques and plot devices are - can you tell i’m an eng lit nerd)

@nsheetee - moonlight café

obviously v released so many iconic pieces this year but this series was just *chef’s kiss* coffee shop au’s are the cutest to me because you can do so many different things with them, and you truly showcased that through each members’ part. although i am nahyuck biased (out of all the 00 liners), i have a soft spot for jeno’s part 🥺🤧 but that doesn’t mean i’m not obsessed with jealous jaems and cocky hyuck 🙈

@notnctu - to all the j’s i loved before

the very first work i ever read of yours, joyce 🥺🥺 i remember seeing an nct network reblog this and after reading through the summary of the series, i was enticed by the plot and i read most of your masterlist whilst waiting for the next parts 🤧 the main character’s relationship with each ‘j’ was unique to them and their interactions were just so sweet to read (except jaemin’s >:( why did my ult’s part have to be the angsty one 😤 jk jk i loved it anyways) special mention to ‘cupid’s arrow’, because that fic was an emotional rollercoaster and i loved that almost as much as i love bestfriend!jungwoo in the last part 😌

@misfitneo - lee haechan’s pride

it would be a sin if i didn’t include this in my top reads this year, pun intended 😌, especially since i have a weakness for mafia aus. i haven’t had the time to read mark or renjun’s parts yet, but from what i read in this fic, i’m sure theirs are just as good, if not better. the storybuilding and the development of the plot are so detailed and intricate and that is what i love in a fic. i already reviewed this on my main with a lengthy description of my favourite parts so i’m gonna keep this short and sweet - if you love haechan, mafia au’s, and enemies to lovers, you need to read this !!

@jensungf - passing clouds + only forever

these fics hit different now that i bias jisung 😭 ‘passing clouds’ was pure angst and as much as it hurt, it was written so beautifully and i loved it so much. ‘only forever’ healed the jisung shaped hole in my heart and made me fall in love with him all over again. the first love vibes he gives off is unbelievable and that innocence was presented perfectly in this 🤧 side note: never let jisung bake for you even if it’s as a peace offering 😖

@hyucksie - in the long run + second first kiss

although ‘sweet talk’ and ‘silent treatment’ are also contenders for some of my favourite fics of the year, these two have taken the cake 😌 the concept itself of time travel and mark and y/n seeing their future child was so creative and the mixed emotions that the characters experienced seeing their future were executed so well and the ending when their actual future selves remembered the day they time travelled 🥺🥺 not to mention the sequel doesn’t feel forced at all, the story flows well, and jealous mark is a cutie 🥰

@luvdsc - not clickbait

i’ve been following cat after i first read ‘i turned my best friend into an e-boy!! (and kissed him)’ and ever since then every piece of hers that i’ve read is simply breathtaking and so engaging. her style of writing is so unique and whenever i read anything of hers i feel so immersed in the fic. the dreamies as youtubers and tiktokers was such a cute concept to me and the little comment section at the end of each fic is probably my favourite part 😳 the way each member’s fic connects to the plot of another is perfect and their cameos in one another’s fic >>> (jisung telling y/n about the tiktok challenge in mark’s fic + cameraman jisung in chenle’s) i could keep talking abt this series for a lot longer but i’ll end it here, also i can’t wait for norensung’s parts 💞💞

@pwarkhans - the neo academy

i’ve probably mentioned my love for ‘the umbrella academy’ before but THIS !!! this series just made me love it even more 🙈 despite yangyang’s part being the only one that’s out, that and the prologue are interesting enough and seeing the 00 liners in this alternate universe is honestly amazing jxjwjxkw jaemin as three and hyuck as two is everything. the brothers’ relationship, especially in yangyang’s part, is so complicated yet so cute and i can’t wait for the rest of the members’ parts 💘

@yongtxt - vintage

when i first stumbled across this series, i was immediately intrigued by the plot, and not just because it was about rapper!mark and singer!y/n🧑‍🦯🧑‍🦯 the side characters (dreamies + doie and jisoo) were so funny and well-written and the plot >>>> i was so invested in the twists and turns of the story, the relief i felt when the conflict was finally resolved and we got our fav musician couple !!

@byunbaekby - apartment b23

i only found this series recently but wow am i invested in the plot already 😭😭 the conflict in the story is realistic and feels like something you could actually relate to. norenmin’s friendship/bond is so strong and evident through the story and the side characters are my babies (heejin, shuhua, lia - ily 🤧) i can’t wait for the rest of this series since i am a sucker for the perfect balance of angst, fluff, and crack in this 🥰

— favourite works of the year ;

unfortunately i haven’t had enough time to release any fics this year, and i’m hoping that that won’t be the case next year, but here are my top 5 favourite blurbs that i enjoyed writing and reading <3

1:48pm -> dad!johnny

one of the most popular blurbs on my blog to this day 🥺 honestly i get why, who doesn’t love dad!johnny? hyejoo is literally so adorable here and the family dynamics make me soft all over again whenever i reread this piece. also everyone’s reactions and replies to this are so heartwarming because everyone’s just whipped for the suh family 🙈

1:05pm -> soulmate!taeyong

i love soulmate au’s but something always irked me with the permanence of your soulmate like ,,, what if you end up falling out of love with them? then what? that inspired me to write my own take on soulmates, where they aren’t found, but made. taeyong’s character here is just so full of love and you know how much i love lovable boys 🤧 (ever wondered why i ult na jaemin...?)

12:13pm -> boyfriend!mark

7dream!!!! i don’t usually write domestic fluff even though it’s one of the genres i indulge in the most 😔 but when i do, i go all out because everyone needs to know how soft i am for my boys >:( mark’s love for the dreamies is so unique and i love their friendship so much, i had to write about it when i first heard about the 7dream announcement which i definitely did not cry at

11:40pm -> boyfriend!jeno

this was one of the first requests i ever got and i was just so touched than someone personally requested something from me AND it was jeno 🥺🥺 everytime i read the tags under this, everyone is just gushing over jeno and like,,, same 🙈 this type of fluff >>>

waking up with wayv -> wayv reaction

when em first requested this, i didn’t exactly know how to write something for each member without being too repetitive, but in the end, i loved the mini plots i wrote for them and it’s just one of my underappreciated faves 🥰

— favourite releases of the year ;

just a few of my favourite albums that got me through online school and revision sessions for offline school 🥲 ft. lots of nct + october albums bc that month was PACKED

nct 2020 - resonance pt1 + pt2

nct 127 - neozone: the final round

nct dream - ridin’

wayv - awaken the world

superm - super one

enhypen - border: day one

twice - eyes wide open

txt - minisode1: blue hour

seventeen - semicolon

stray kids - go live + in life

itzy - not shy

conan gray - kid krow

if you’ve managed to read all the way to the end, congrats for putting up with my lengthy and very sappy sentiment and sorry that you had to go through all of that 😭😭 thank you for being a part of my 2020, i hope that the new year allows us all to have a fresh start and brings us the opportunities we didn’t have this year. happiest new year to you all 🥳 (even tho it’s not 2021 yet when i’m posting this :))

[olicitytropes]

Olicity Tropetastic Awards: Fandom Writers

And with this post, we’re at our final rec list for this year’s Tropetastic Awards! Thank you everyone for helping us make it through this hiatus! (instant tears)

We can’t express how much we love Olicity, this fandom, and every writer who shares their stories with us. We wish we could buy you all some real trophies (or give you a really good hug) for the time and effort you’ve poured into your fics! There are just so many talented writers that we’ve talked about and fangirled over. Hopefully through this process, we’ve been able to shine some light on all of that talent. And we hope that everyone in this fandom can appreciate and respect it as much as we do! We could’ve made this post go on forever, so all of the kudos to all of you<3

As fans, we’ve followed Arrow for seven seasons, and we’ve found so many fanfics along the way that touched us and pulled at our heart strings as much as (sometimes more than) canon. It’s hard to put into words how much that means to us, but we had to try;) Here are some writers who we want to thank. And of course, they’re only the tip of the iceberg on this giant, powerful fandom.

We will always, always, always love you. 

@smoaking-greenarrow’s recs:

** @supersillyanddorky06 **

Strangers in the Night

The Firebird

The Predator

The Phoenix & The Phoenix Rises

Award: The Alternate Universe Specialist

Kudos: I’ve been so happy to let @supersillyanddorky06’s worlds distract me from real life when I needed it. The Firebird was my study-break savior in college when I needed to step out of reality and stop stressing over finals. Devouring The Phoenix and The Phoenix Rises kept me up way too late reading and made me way too tired for work the next morning, but it was so worth it! There are infinite things to love about Olicity, and infinite things to love about this talented writer. Matty, I know I can speak for more than just myself when I say that your stories mean a lot to this fandom. You’re already one of my favorite authors, but I can’t wait to read The Predator as a novel. And watch it captivate the rest of the world like it did for Olicity fans. Arrow captured lightning in a bottle when they got Stephen and Emily on screen together, and I think the same thing happened when you watched the show, fell in love with Olicity, and decided to write fanfic for them. I’m beyond excited to see what you do next, and low-key telling myself that I basically got to read a first draft of The Predator before it becomes a bestseller ;)

Bonus Kudos: MY QUEEN. Sending you all the love for the hours I’ve spent with your amazing fics! Finding an email notification that The Predator had updated always made me squeal out loud! Thanks forever for that! -Meegan (@it-was-a-red-heeler)

** @it-was-a-red-heeler **

Lost and Found

A Dance with the Devil

Desperation Club

Deep Water

Award: The Storyline Mastermind

Kudos: I know that when I start one of Meegan’s fics, it’s going to be satisfying from start to finish. I first read Lost and Found, and I was so impressed with it that I had to write this little fic review. Everything that I read of hers after that was just as wild and just as incredible. She’s a genius at pacing, building tension, and plot twists. Meegan, I’m so happy I’ve had the chance to read your dreamy and steamy versions of Olicity. And I’m even happier that we’ve had the chance to get to know each other because of this fandom. Be my friend and stay forever, K?

** @tangled23works **

Like A River

Whatever It Takes

Nothing Short of Perfect

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark

Broken Bones and Porcelain Dolls

Award: The Hook, Line and Sinker

Kudos: Sascha writes the kind of fics that I don’t want to put down. She’s insanely good at picking up her story in the perfect place, one that keeps me hooked and wanting to read more (and since those important first words are something I often struggle with, I’m so envious of her for that;)). All of the kudos to you my friend, for your out of the box thinking! Sascha, I’m so happy that you share your writing with all of us, and just your presence in this fandom in general is amazing. I can’t even tell you how many times you’ve brightened my day! Thank you for being the talented writer and awesome person that you are!

** @mindramblingsfics **

Forget Me Not

Will Fate Allow?

Summer Flame

Was It Ever Real?

Award: The Creative Trailblazer

Kudos: @mindramblingsfics I have so many praises to sing for you, but most of all I just think you’re insanely cool. The way you craft your fics is so unique and clever. You take us on a journey with everything you write. You take all of our favorite tropes and spin them on their heads in ways I’ve never seen before. I’ve never read a summary or teaser of yours that didn’t make me excited to read the story, and those stories are always better than I imagined. Thank you for all of your special fics, and all of your hard work. We all appreciate it so much!

Bonus Kudos: Oh my goodness. This amazing writer. I cannot even begin to thank you for your incredible works! They always leave me wanting more. Summer Flame is one of my Top 5 favorite fics of all time! Along with Whiskey and Romance too! From the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing such wonderful fics! -Caitlin (@blondeeoneexox)

** @felicityollies **

Vampire and the Geek

Secrets Don’t Make Friends

Trust Me

Doppelgänger

Award: The Jack of All Trades

Kudos: I dare you all to try to find a fic from Bev that doesn’t give you everything you’re looking for. This writer can do it all, and it’s amazing. I promise you’ll be impressed by every world you jump into and you’ll fall in love with every version of Olicity that you read. Bev, I’m blown away by every story of yours, you never disappoint, and I can’t wait to read more! Thank you for everything you’ve given this fandom!

@blondeeoneexox’s recs:

** @smoaking-greenarrow **

The Hardest Part

Mine at Midnight

Just Beneath the Surface

Come Back When You Can

My Favorite Faded Fantasy

Kerosene and Desire

Award: Queen of Olicity Happy Endings

Kudos: Okay, y’all are going to have to forgive me cause this is about to get really sappy and kinda personal. @smoaking-greenarrow’s fics were the first I read after joining this wonderful fandom. I was so in awe of her talent and how she could make you feel like you were really inside the fic. How she could make me laugh, cry, and really bring out the sap in me. I wanted to talk to her and rave to her about how amazing she is, but I didn’t want to be THAT person, you know? 😂 Then one day SHE messaged ME about something totally different (😉) and I was SO excited! I actually got to tell her how incredible her fics were without seeming like a crazy person, hahaha. Now, she’s my best friend in this fandom and I am SO beyond lucky to have her. Thank you for not thinking I was some random, psycho fan girl, E. I am so thankful for you and for your absolutely phenomenal writing. If you haven’t read her fics, please do yourself a favor and go do it right now! I’d start with Mine at Midnight and work down the list. You won’t regret it. 😘

Bonus Kudos: Ellie, what can I say? Besides your unsolicited review of my little fic that launched me under the fandom’s nose (forever grateful for that, my friend) your fics are beyond amazing! So many great stories to choose from, all of them a world I can fall into with my favorite couple. Love ya! -Meegan (@it-was-a-red-heeler)

** CSM **

Lucas’ Adventures

Impeccable Genetics

A Future Worth Fighting For

Almost, But Not Yet

Award: Queen of Time Travel Fics

Kudos: Oh my goodness. Nikki! I am COMPLETELY OBSESSED with her time traveling kid fics. From Ellie to Mia to Lucas, it doesn’t get any better. She puts wit, charm, sass and hilarity into every single one of her amazing works. I am currently obsessed with Lucas’ Adventures (updated every Sunday in case y’all wanna start 😉), where a sweet 10 month old Lucas shows up and completely disrupts S2 Oliver and Felicity’s lives! If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend along with every other one of her kid fics. She is an absolutely incredible writer, I’m so happy to know her and love her works!

Bonus Kudos: Nikki, Lucas’ Adventures is exactly what I need and want to be reading in this trying time. While Arrow and season 8 look very daunting and sad right now, this fic has been so much fun to read. Can’t wait to see what you do next, and thank you! -Ellie (@smoaking-greenarrow)

** @alexiablackbriar13 **

little wonders (twists and turns of fate)

whenever you’re ready 

#olicity lives!

two pints of mint chip it’s a girl 

Award: Queen of Canon Divergence

Kudos: Oh boy. @alexiablackbriar13. Where do I even begin? I’m sure as all of you know, she is a PHENOMENAL writer! From little wonders to all of her amazing one shots, I’m forever in awe of her writing! I think my absolute favorite though would have to be little wonders, because OBVIOUSLY. She took canon and transformed it into something the Arrow writers couldn’t DREAM of doing. I remember when she posted the teaser of this story. I knew it was going to be one of a kind, and it did not disappoint! GO READ IT IF YOU HAVEN’T, YOU ARE MISSING OUT. 😍 and I can’t forget my other favorite, whenever you’re ready. I remember reading this and SOBBING. Mia and Lucas travel back to 2019 and meet their parents. It’s a fic that should be read by all. You’re sensational, Lexi. This fandom is so lucky to have you!

** @dust2dust34 **

Four Walls (Of Law Firms and Honey)

Forever is Composed of Nows

Wanna Be Yours

(i will be the fire) that keeps you warm

Award: The Fandom’s Real MVP of Smut

Kudos: BRE. Okaaay, I don’t think this writer needs any introducing. I mean, one of the masterminds of the perfection that is FICON? Come ON. What you have given this fandom is more than I could put into words. From your oneshots to your sultry, smutty, smut fics, to the beautiful multi-chapters you’ve created, your writing is unparalleled. I, on behalf of the fandom, want to thank you for all of your masterpieces! They are truly incredible and we are so lucky to have you!

Bonus Kudos : Bre, I will forever be grateful to the time you have spent writing Olicity fics and obsessing over Felicity Smoak and Oliver Queen. Through the years you have become a master of your craft and I honestly can’t wait for your next story. Thank you for everything. -Sascha (@tangled23works)

@allimariexf’s recs:

** @MachaSWicket **

Deceive, Inveigle, and Obfuscate

And Then It Ends, Your Little Winning Streak

Long Time Coming

The Unbearable Hotness of Being

Va Banque

Award: Master of the Essence of Olicity

Kudos: How can I possibly summarize why Macha’s works are so special? She writes with a perfect blend of compelling plot, moving emotional development, and effortlessly beautiful prose. She writes characters that jump off the page, so that we hurt and rejoice and lust with them. She adds elements of surprise and delight to even the most well-worn tropes, infusing them with the essence of Olicity. Her canon-related and AU stories always feel like just another (and in many cases, better) path that Oliver and Felicity could have taken. Every word she writes is a treat, every story is a gift to the fandom. I know this sounds effusive but it’s barely scratching the surface of how amazing her works are! I have definitely laughed, cried, and everything in between while reading (and re-reading...and re-re-reading, etc.) her stories. (Okay also I already listed 5 of her stories, but I also have to mention two more: the utterly delightful AU WIP Our Version of Events (co-written with geneeste), and fandom-favorite Little Black Dresses and King-Sized Messes.)

** @anthfan **

Devil’s Backbone

Tropes

Times like these

Tell me a story

Dust to Dust

Above and Beyond 

Award: Queen of Canon-related Tropes to end all Tropes

Kudos: anthfan’s stories were some of the first I read in this fandom, and WOW what a high bar she set. Those of you who know me know that I tend to prefer canon-related stories to AUs (well okay, more recently I have begun to love AUs too, but canon-related will ALWAYS own me), and anthfan just hits that pitch-perfect spot of great storytelling - intriguing twists, heartfelt scenes, perfect characterization, and ANGST - OH, THE ANGST - while still remaining in that familiar Arrow universe we all know and love. And nowhere does she shine as well as when she’s taking well-known tropes and giving them a uniquely Olicity twist. Devil’s Backbone remains my favorite Olicity fic of all time (probably!), but truthfully I wish I could read every one of these stories over and over again for the first time.

Bonus Kudos: I thought the first chapter of Dust to Dust would actually kill me, but it proved itself to be clever and badass and witty and FUN! As far as Devil’s Backbone goes, I watch Season Three now and just assume all the stuff from the fic is going on after hours (headcanon accepted)—one of my all-time favorite stories! -Meegan ( @it-was-a-red-heeler)

** @mogirl97 **

Crazy for You 

Along The Way

Sportsmanlike Conduct 

The Offer

It Takes Two

Award: Master of Swoony, Romantic AUs

Kudos: So I mentioned above that I only recently (in the past year or so) really got into AUs, and mogirl97 offered a crash course that I couldn’t resist! I started with Along the Way and I was HOOKED, quickly gobbling up everything else she wrote, and it was all equally swoon-worthy. She has a way of making you absolutely fall in love with each of her universes, and every time a story comes to an end I never want to let it go. Sweet, soft, longing, gently angsty - those words can describe basically all of her stories. And romantic. So, soooo romantic!

 ** bri617 **

Across The Highs, The Lows, And The In-Betweens

Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven?

Without You (I’m Incomplete)

You Were Mine (Just For One Night)

Freeze Frame, Pause, Rewind, Stop

Award: Queen of Fluffy AUs

Kudos: bri617 is just a master of FUN. Fluffy, fluffy, soft, delightful FUN! She has cornered the market on college AUs, but basically everything she writes captures that perfect blend of flirty, simmering, quirky, playful, slightly-awkward, mutual heart-eyes Olicity that we all crave. In every one of her stories, I fall in love with Oliver and Felicity and Olicity all over again, and laugh my ass off while doing it.

@tangled23works’ recs:

** @someonesaidcake **

Ride or Die

ONE (Oliver The Footballer)

Truly, Madly, Stupidly

Award: Queen of Emotional Impact

Kudos: I’ve been trying to find a way to explain how I feel when I read @someonesaidcake’s fics and I keep failing. The best way to understand what I’m talking about would be to start reading them yourself, if you haven’t already. These stories are powerful enough that they’re gonna make you cry, smile and wish you could experience such a unique, powerful love story in real life. The fandom was truly blessed when this amazingly talented author decided to write Olicity fics.

** @olicityaddicted **

Never Tear Us Apart 

One More Chance 

And She Will Be Loved

Award: Queen of Heartfelt And Comforting Romance

Kudos: I chose @olicityaddicted for my second award because, to be honest, she deserves to be far more appreciated than she is. Her stories provide a safe refuge for me, a place where I can relax and forget about real life for a while. Her brilliance lies in simplicity; her fics will not punch you in the gut but make you feel like you’re cocooned in gentle warmth and Olicity love.

** @bindy417 **

Caught in the Rapture

Arrows & Airwaves

Bound to You

Award: Queen of Page-Turners

Kudos: @bindy417’s complex and beautifully drafted stories are one of the reasons I enjoy reading Olicity fics so much. She has written one of my all-time favorite Al Sah-him fics. I made the mistake of reading it on a bus once and missed my stop. Seriously, there are published books which are less well-thought-out and more predictable. Brittany’s works are imaginative, compelling and addictive. She deserves ALL the awards.

Bonus Kudos: Okay, okay. I’m kind of mad at myself for not choosing Brittany because she has written some of the most BEAUTIFUL multi chapters in this fandom. Bound to You. Caught in the Rapture. I have read those two fics I cannot tell you how many times! I’m completely obsessed. I bow down to you, lady! You and your stories are so amazing! -Caitlin (@blondeeoneexox)

@msbeccieboo’s recs:

** @so-caffeinated **

Forever Is Composed Of Nows series

Stop the Presses series

Award: Favourite Universe-Creator

Kudos: I adore an extended AU universe, and (together with the amazing Bre, of course) Janis has created one of my absolute favourites, the “Forever Is Composed Of Nows (ficon)” ‘verse. What I love most about her writing is her ability to not only write beautifully for our known characters, but to create wonderful, captivating and just full original characters that we quickly fall in love with, and are immediately pulled into their world to experience with them. I now love and treasure characters like William, Amelia and Jules (my personal faves) as completely as I do Oliver or Felicity. I also love how much she interacts with her readers, constantly asking for ideas and feedback, answering asks and writing to prompts. Her storytelling is original and immersive, and I can’t wait to read her original works!!

** @smkkbert **

10 Rules of Rebounding

The Way You Make Me Feel (I Call it Love)

Time For a Story

If Loving You is Wrong (I Don’t Want to be Right)

Award: Most Diverse and Constantly Creating Writer

Kudos: Kathi has a huge range of any type of Olicity fic you can think of! LoA/Bratva/canon/AU/kid fic/high school/friends to lovers/season rewrites/missing scenes, there is something and everything for everyone! From one-shots to epic multi-chapters, as well as some of my favourite smut? YES PLEASE!! I am not ashamed to admit I have read some of her stories many, MANY times over!!

She has consistently posted fic after fic after fic, writing over 50 Olicity stories, with “Time For a Story” constantly updating alongside, and set to reach 500 chapters!! I love how she seems to be able to write Olicity in a million different ways/scenarios and still always pull me into their new world and fall in love with them over and over again. Superb, AND not in her first language either! Amazing!

** @realityisoverrated-fic **

Infinite Love series/universe (of which there are >200 one-shots/mullti-chapters)

Award: Smoaking Billionaires QUEEN (we all bow to her)

Kudos: You want Smoaking Billionaires? This should be your first port of call! But to imply she simply writes around one theme would be an epic disservice.  This series has everything, Olicity/Flommy/Toliver/SBs, fluff, family feels, kids, canon, canon divergence/swerve, action, humour, angst…oh the angst, oh, and a healthy dose of smut!

Her stories can be so deep, heart-breaking, raw and real-feeling in places, whilst also fluffy, hilarious, happy and contain some of the hottest smut ever!

** @allimariexf **

Not Your Typical Secretary series

Burning Souffles

Coming Home Again

A Dream That I Can Call My Own

Award: Queen of Canon/Canon-Divergence

Kudos: Alli has the gift of writing in canon, or slightly divergent, whilst still perfectly capturing the essence of Olicity and improving on the show’s writing, all whilst bringing the angst!! An absolutely beautiful writer, more beautiful human, and mah P.I.C.!! 😍

Bonus Kudos: Alli, I’m so happy that you share your fics with the fandom and that you created a whole channel for us to be as geeky and Olicity-obsessed as we like. Thank you for writing these stories (seriously, Succumbing to Shadows is a masterpiece), for organizing Arrow rewatches and for being a true friend. Even though there are hundreds of miles between us, I still feel that I know you and you should know that you can count on me. Always. -Sascha (@tangled23works)

** @stephswims **

One Step Ahead

That’s The Way It Is

Drunk Cuddly Oliver

Numb Lips

Award: Sweetest Little Smut Monster

Kudos: Steph has written some of my current favourite WIPs, and has a knack for writing badass AU Felicitys, in particular. She always manages to get the narrative voices of her characters juust right, which makes reading her stories all the more relatable!  Oh, and the smut is glorious hehehe!!!  My love and fandom sister wife! 😍

@it-was-a-red-heeler’s recs:

** @ruwithmeguys **

What Wouldn’t I Do

Indecent Proposal

Restless Heart

Award: The Queen of Nuance

Kudos: A sideways glance. The hitch of a breath. The babbling, breathless inner dialogue of a beautiful IT genius in love with a broody-but-lovable warrior. These are the elements of Olicity we all love so much, and Jessica’s magical talent as a writer. She makes you feel the angst and the love in her writing. Long after the story ends you’ll be thinking about her characterization. The tickle of a breath on the back of a neck...a heartbeat...a kiss...

** @missyriver **

Left to Fate

A Queen 

Award: Badass Olicity Queen

Kudos: The first time I read one of Missy’s fics I assumed she was a professional author; she’s just that good. Left to Fate is one of my all-time favorite re-reads, full of the perfect mix of angst, fluff, and smut. Yum yum! I’m so glad I found her works!

** @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl **

Home to You

The Queen’s Mage

Award: Wise Beyond Her Years

Kudos: Y’all, read this author’s works and know that she is going places. I am continually amazed at the maturity of her writing and the depth of her understanding of the characters we all love so much. This is only the beginning for her and I’m so proud to call Arianna a friend!

** @callistawolf **

twelve hours

ready for the fall

Award: Olicity Fandom Royalty

Kudos: Jen (jbuffyangel) may have introduced me to the Arrow fandom that exists beyond the tv screen, but Calli’s Ready for the Fall showed me I didn’t have to fear the idea of fan fiction. She helped open up a new world to me, where very talented anonymous authors could right the wrongs of showrunners and let the characters I love so much live on forever; as each other, or as pirates, or even as werewolf soulmates. Several years later she wrote Twelve Hours and taught me not to be too hasty in my preconceived ideas (ahem, Chapter 10, just sayin’). I love her stories, her analysis and words of wisdom on Tumblr, and her podcasts with Jen. Thanks for everything!

Bonus Kudos: I remember waiting every Wednesday last summer for Calli’s latest update of real love (is never a waste of time). I would be refreshing my tumblr every ten mins it felt like. It was such an amazing fic (along with every other one of her fics!), but that one will always be my favorite of yours! You are phenom! -Caitlin (@blondeeoneexox)

@memcjo’s recs:

** @hope-for-olicity **

Love Letters

Hidden Thoughts and Feelings

I Am Not Broken

No Sex Until There is Hair

So Much Love

Choices

Award: Queen of Fix it Fic and Felicity’s POV

Kudos: I don’t even know where to begin to tell all of my love for Jacq and her amazing stories. Jacq’s stories are so easy to become wrapped up in. She has a way of putting you right there as Oliver and Felicity navigate whatever life has thrown at them. During the seasons, I become dependent on her to help me through the trama the Arrow writers have inflicted upon me with their horrible treatment of Oliver and/or Felicity. Jacq’s fix it fics have brought me tremendous joy. Her treatment of Olicity, showing them as flawed people, doing the best they can while loving each other so very much, has brought me to tears more times than I can count. I highly recommend ANY and ALL of her Olicity fic!

Bonus Kudos: Jacq’s fics are what you read when you want to be happy. I can’t thank her enough for all the sweet, feel-good, wonderful stories that always come full circle in a beautiful way. And for all the moments I’ve had to try not to smile/giggle while reading her stories in public. Jacq, you’re truly an amazing writer. And even better, an amazing person! Thank you so much for helping to make my fandom experience so incredible! -Ellie (@smoaking-greenarrow)

Bonus Kudos: Jacq, my love, we’ve talked about this. Adore you and your fluffy full-of-goodness stories and your amazing comments on other author’s fics. The show may have broken your heart, but you and I have a lot of years of great stories ahead of us! -Meegan (@it-was-a-red-heeler)

** @mel-loves-all **

A Touch Unlike Any Other

Vivez

Softly Comes Love

Under a Winter Sky

Award: Olicity Historical Romance Writer Extraordinaire

Kudos: Ah, Mel. How do I love your romance novel Olicity? Let me count the ways...Mel seriously provides the exact right mix of sweet meetings and budding romance in her Olicity novels. I adore her feisty and endearing Felicity, I swoon over her stoic yet thoughtful and loving Oliver. When Olicity comes together in her beautifully crafted stories my heart simply becomes a puddle of goo. Historical Romances are my go to get-aways, and Mel’s stories always takes to a magical Olicity AU.

** @dmichellewrites **

Wanted

Distractions 

Hover

What Are You Thinking?

Under the Stars

Award: Most Fabulous Writer of Olicity Family Life in One Shots

Kudos: Devon is the master of creating Olicity in all their flawed, passionate, driven, loving glory. Her stories never fail to give me a new insight into Oliver and Felicity and their life together. I love the way Oliver and Felicity love each other in Devon’s stories.  As she shares her Olicity slices of life I find myself cheering for my OTP. Devon is an amazing story teller and I would recommend all her Olicity fics!

** @geneshaven **

Mother and Daughter

To Do It All Over Again

Ivy Town To Star City

One On The Way

Award: Master of Thought Provoking Olicity Stories (this link leads to his Tumblr account where all his fics are posted)

Kudos: Nobody can craft a story about Olicity quite like Gene. His blend of light and dark, joy and angst has rocked me to the core more times than I can count. Gene’s love and respect for the characters of Oliver and Felicity are evident in the way he treats them in his stories.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve reread some of his stories, but every time I do it’s like the best present you can open again and again.

Bonus Kudos: I LOVE a @geneshaven update! I remember first seeing his Tumblr posts through Louise’s blog and being fascinated that a BOY loved Olicity as much as me! And then he started posting stories that mesmerized all of us. A truly special addition to our fandom. I’m so happy to call Gene a friend! -Meegan (@it-was-a-red-heeler)

** @absentlyabbie ** 

Long Way Down

You’re Not a Friend (No, You’re Nothing)

Interludes

Way Down We Go

Award: MVP of Emotionally Compromising Fanfic

Kudos: When I say emotionally compromising I mean it in the most, best, angsty possible way. Abbie’s fics can rip your heart out and stop you from breathing, leaving you shaken and in the next moment your heart is melting from the amazing tender actions any and all of our fav Arrow characters. These roller coaster ride stories takes you to the highest heights only to drop you to rock bottom! This series I’ve posted is just HEART WRENCHING, MOVING, and OH MY GOD~ addictive. Her updates are celebrations, her cliffhangers can drive me to drink. And I wouldn’t have it any other way!!

Bonus Kudos: Parts of Long Way Down still run through my head now again, it’s that powerful a story. Angsty in the best way possible, dark, sharp, and wonderful. A must-read for the fandom. Thanks for an amazing story! -Meegan (@it-was-a-red-heeler)