#i want the best for them but theyre gonna make each other so much worse

[zorrocafe]

So, who else is on board this disaster AsaDen ship?

[hecksupremechips]

I love to imagine Rebecca as trans like it just has become so ingrained in my mind it feels weird it’s not canon. She realized at a young age and her parents were supportive and let her present how she wanted and they used her name and pronouns, but they weren’t around enough to go the extra mile for her and make sure she was being protected. She was the target of some pretty bad bullying at school, both from the students and the staff, and Ashton was the first person to defend her. Ashton is cishet (cuz I think it’s funny) and hes kinda ignorant at first but he tries his best and he just likes Rebecca and wants good things for her and he’s so emo he scares away the bullies lol. And this was definitely a big part in Rebecca gaining feelings for him he just showed her this special kinda care that no one else ever did, and it’s what makes her extra insecure as the years go by. Cuz she wonders if maybe the reason Ashton never seems to reciprocate her feelings is because she’s trans and he just never thought to see her as romance material as a result. Which is a line of thinking that gets out of control really bad and she never gets to have the closure she wants with it either

She tells Isabella that’s shes trans just cuz they’re best friends and it sorta comes up eventually. Isabella was a tomboy growing up so she can definitely relate to the bullying shit pretty well and they are very protective of each other and vow to beat up anyone who talks shit about the other. They also just open each other’s minds a bit, Isabella helps Rebecca feel more comfortable in knowing there’s many different ways to be a woman, Rebecca helps Isabella maybe explore her feelings about her own gender and whether or not she’s really attached to womanhood. Zach finds out in a more casual way, it’s just something he learns cuz it felt weird that he was the only one who didn’t know and well. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not something the two of them ever talk about really, aside from bonding over a few shared experiences with having to deal with assholes. And really, being trans just isn’t something Rebecca wants to talk about too much, just because she’s gotten to a point where’s she’s experienced being stealth and she knows how quickly people can turn on you when they know, and she understandably doesn’t wanna deal with that shit. But because her friends are so supportive, she doesn’t exhale and let herself just exist naturally around them and it does help her feel less insecure about who she is

Sexuality wise I think she’s "straight" I think she’s spent most of her life looking at Ashton and just assuming she’d be with a man but once she finally gets to give up on him she has Moments with Isabella or like a certain fondness for Marianne and their shared love of history and other nerd shit and shes just like. Uh Oh 😟

[sugar-omi]

teasing cove when you have a crush on each other drives me So crazy

flirty eyes from across the counter, sliding your hand across his chest... or even worse (read as: better), putting your hand on the small of his back as you go around him to the refrigerator

and the idea of doing it before he's going out w his parents is even better

sat on top of his car, laughing and whispering to yourselves. you lean in to whisper something in his ear or lean closer to his face to say something smug, something flirty and he flushes

then his parents walk outside, all cheery then they pause a bit when they see the deer-in-headlights look on cove's face and the way you pause

kyra gives a cheery greeting and cliff laughs, realizing what a awkward situation he's walked in on but he greets you anyway.

"hi," you smile, abandoning your conversation with cove and talking with his parents while he fidgets beside you. "well i should get going.."

and you slide off the hood of cove's car, fixing your bottoms and you put a hand on cove's shoulder which makes him jump.

"i'll see you later cove." your hand drag down his arm as you walk away, slipping into your house.

its silence between them before cove jumps up and exclaims about how theyre gonna be late

or you have cove over one night, and you have the house to yourself. your moms and cove's parents are out, catching a movie and dinner and your sister is sleeping over a friends house in the city to catch up with her old group, so there's no one around to tease you or usher cove out for the next 4 hours at least.

taking the opportunity to be as loud as you want, you put on some music and its so... flirty

(i can see sabrina carpenter "nonsense" or sza "the weekend" or my favorite 50 cent "best friend")

maybe its not meant to be, maybe the beat isnt anything remotely sexy and more on the pop side, but either way you're mouthing/singing the lyrics back to him and you're obviously flirting with him

even though you're just moving throughout the kitchen without any rhythm and you just leaned forward across the counter but you did it with a smile and you're teasing him.

oh god even better, you're in the kitchen trying to make this box brownie you bought at the store and the radio is on low, and you're sitting on the counter and cove is mixing the batter

maybe its because he has the best arms between you two or maybe its because you wanna watch how his veins pop and his hands look wrapping around the spoon...

you like him way too much if you can find him stirring brownie batter together sexy, but thats not your problem

mmm imagine cove coming behind you to help you get the brownie pan out of the cabinet, helping you move the pots and pans in front of it and his body is against yours. and hes so chill about it, as if his groin is pressed again you....

and when its finally in the pan and its cooked, you're trying the brownies and cove finishes his so you pull him in by his belt loops...

he totally freezes up but youre in front of him, holding out a brownie for him to eat from your hand and he keeps eye contact as he bites down. hes watching you, and youre watching the way his lips part as he bites down and how he licks his lips...

and cove swallows, youre watching the way his throat bobs...

omg and if you bite the same spot he bit into, looking into cove's eyes the entire time and his hands move to your thigh, the other to the back of your neck..

and you both lean in and meet in the middle, and you're so lost in kissing each other that you drop the brownie. as much as you like, love, kissing cove you're glad that that was a smaller slice since these brownies are pretty damn good

but then cove slips his tongue in your mouth and suddenly the brownies taste so subpar to this...

oh man i need to stop typing n write this shit immediately 🙌🙌🙌😫

[go-to-the-mirror]

Hello, @a-mag-a-day. Apologies for the deception but I rather wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming you're alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldn't try too hard to stop reading; there's every likelihood you'll just hurt yourself. So just listen. Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

Statement of landscaping-your-mind regarding episode 160 of The Magnus Archives.

Statement begins.

So, from all the stuff I scheduled for today you can probably tell I really like episode 160 of The Magnus Archives, right? Like, good lord, it is... it is a time. (Also, the words were really good (and also there's poetry) so :D incentive!)

Firstly, though, I have to say something. It's not the Watcher's Crown. The Watcher's Crown is the ritual Jonah Magnus attempted years ago. This is unnamed in canon, but Jonny said it could've been called The Magnus Archives.

Secondly... I would like to draw your attention towards the description of the youtube version of this episode. (to paraphrase)

The Magnus Archive discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others.

Ahahahahaha AHAHAHAAHAHAH WHAT-

I hate this so much. Like, with a burning passion. "The Magnus Archives discovers that some escapes are a lot easier than others" COME TO MY HOME AND KILL ME YOU COWARD! It just hurts, it just... hurts.

He can escape London, but he can't escape his ✨ purpose ✨

You ever think about how The Magnus Archives follows the story of Magnus' Archive? I do. A lot. I haven't even started listening yet, god, this episode am I right?

MARTIN (Joking) Or, (huffed laugh) or it is, and she just cleaned it up really well. (They both make uncomfortable chuckles) ARCHIVIST …Yes. (The Archivist makes an uneasy noise)

THEYRE BOTH SO AWKWARD THEY HAVEN'T TALKED TO A NORMAL HUMAN IN OVER A YEAR

Just their really awkward laughter, oh my godd they're so endearing your honour, I'm so glad this episode and TMA ends at the 5 minute mark (< in denial)

ARCHIVIST Hopefully a long way out there. (soft) But I think we’re okay

THEY ARE IN LOVE YOUR HONOUR

I just love how soft Jon's voice gets around Martin, like, like, eeeee i just love them i love them they're the reason im aro bc i know i will never love someone romantically as much as jmart loves each other /j

MARTIN Oh, n-no, not yet. I was actually gonna head down into the village to go pick something up?

Ooooh yay I get to share my "where are they in scotland" headcanons! I think they're near Dunnet, because it's pretty far north and in the Highland area, and it's also got allegedly the only full time gunshop north of Inverness, and... yknow, it is Daisy's safehouse.

ARCHIVIST Anyway, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.

your honour they're lightheartedly teasing each other <3

ARCHIVIST I’ll be fine.

SOFT!

(update im wrtinging with a cat on my lap now hes big. im balancing my computer on my leg.)

MARTIN I assume it’s her attempt at a- a, a varied diet? Eating your greens, you know? ARCHIVIST (Amused) Probably. (reassured) I’m sure it’ll work fine

hhh them <3 it's just like they're so... they're happy. they're so happy, and it's like nothing gold will stay or whatever

they had such a short amount of time

i wish they were ok

MARTIN …I will give you some privacy. Go for a walk. ARCHIVIST (Warmly) Let me know if you see any good cows. MARTIN Obviously I’m going to tell you if I see any good cows.

I'm...

them being happy is almost worse, right. because what once was a surprise we now know will happen, we have to deal with the dread, and it's all bitter now, the happiness is rotten because of what lurks after.

some people can listen to the first five minutes and feel okay, but me?

for me it just hurts.

ARCHIVIST (CONT’D) (Pleasantly) Statement of Hazel Rutter regarding a fire in her childhood home. Original statement given August 9th, 1992. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He sounded so happy... he sounded so happy.

This is the first time he's happy before he reads a statement. He was happy, he was hiding from the police and the hunters and Daisy and Not!Sasha with his boyfriend in Scotland. And then, and then Jonah Magnus comes in and decides to end the world like a bastard.

I don't want to hit play. I don't want to know what comes next. I want to stop listening. I want Jon and Martin to be okay. I want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I just want it to be the real statement of Hazel Rutter.

I get it, right, horror tragedy! This was the desired effect. I am supposed to be feeling these emotions. These emotions being very sad. Well done to Jonny, lovely writing. Fantastic! I love TMA with my whole heart. I think that it's fantastic. I don't want to hit play though. I'm here for the characters suffering, I got in through The Hermit Archives, I wanted more of the horror! I am here for suffering! I'm here for the suffering. I'm hitting play.

Statement of Jonah Magnus regarding Jonathan Sims, The Archivist. Statement begins.

He could have just ended the world. Like, the whole... forcing Jon to monologue about all the times he was manipulated into furthering Jonah's plan? That's fucked. That is fucked. Just put the ritual there you slimy piece of shit!

It’s rare that you get the chance to monologue through the voice of another, and you can’t tell me you’re not curious.

*me to my dog, in the "talking to a dog" voice* You wanna kill him too! Hey! You wanna kill him too!

Like, okay, so you're Jon and you're reading this statement and you can't stop, and this bastard says "you can't tell me you're not curious." Tell me that's not going to make him think that if he tried a little harder then he would've been able to stop reading. Tell me that's not going to make him think that a part of him wanted to end the world, and that's why he's still reading. Tell me that's not going to make him blame himself even more.

The only way to ensure I did not suffer the tribulations of what I believed to be an inevitable transformation was to bring it about myself.

He's so bloody arrogant. He puts himself above the entire world. It makes sense, he's from Regency era England, but like, it's still... really awful. Awful person.

Beyond that, I was getting older, and mortality began to weigh more heavily on my mind. How much in this world is done because we fear death, the last and greatest terror?

When I fear death I distract myself, not try to end the world. Like, this guy is just so evil. His only redeeming quality is being funny sometimes.

Everyone dies, Jack Magnet, you just chose to be a bastard about it.

Of course, I had to make sure the location was kept under my control while I worked on revising my plans, and so I moved the organization I had founded to assist in my research down to London, and the Institute as you know it, was born.

Right, so The Magnus Protocol's Magnus Institute was located in Manchester, and I'm not an expert on the geography of the United Kingdom, and basically know nothing about Manchester, bar that it has the... football, I want to say, team Manchester United? I don't know how I know that. But it seems as though Jonah Magnus didn't attempt his ritual, or attempted it some other way in that universe.

You see, the role of Archivist has been part of the Beholding for as far back as my research can go. This isn’t uncommon for the Powers; most of the beliefs around them are guesswork and fallible human interpretation, but there are certain through lines and consistencies that can be spotted, regardless of the trappings.

I wonder what the others are. The Dancer could be one - The Dancer in The Unknowing. I think Jonny said in a QnA, but you know, the author is dead, he's speaking to us posthumously, that The Architect could have been one. Not sure what others. If y'all have any ideas... 👀

More than once I thought she must secretly be of the Hunt; but there was never that sick joy in her, that thrill of predator and prey. She had simply decided that this was her position in life, and went about it with a practicality that even I found disconcerting at times.

Ok, Mr. Jonah "orchestrates twelve traumatising events for this one guy and gets him to end the world" Magnus. He cannot talk, he cannot talk at all. Sure, she sacrificed people, but she wasn't malicious. She did it for a cause. Did she believe she was good? I'm not sure she cared.

Jonah Magnus is just awful for his own self gain.

You see, the thing about the Fears is that they can never be truly separated from each other. When does the fear of sudden violence transition into the panic of hunted prey? When does the mask of the Stranger become the deception of the Spiral? Even those that seem to exist in direct opposition rely on each other for their definition as much as up relies on down. To try and create a world with only the Buried makes as much sense as trying to conceive a world with only down.

Gerry's colour explanation makes a lot of sense if you don't conceive of it as a traditional colour wheel. They're growing out in every direction, they all overlap with each other.

Sure, the fear of The Eye may seem in direct opposition to the fear of The Stranger, but let's take Jon, for instance. Is it not sort of Stranger to have some guy in a coffee shop staring at you with his autistic eyes, a person you don't know, but who definitely knows you?

What about the fear of The Buried and the fear of The Vast. Episode 195 covers that pretty handily. They're all interconnected with all of the others. Separating them makes them easier to understand (and invertedly makes them actually separated), but it isn't them, not truly. They are connected intrinsically.

Even the coffin! The fear of being alone in the dark is a part of the coffin.

Because the thing about the Archivist is that, well, it’s a bit of a misnomer. It might, perhaps, be better named: The Archive. Because you do not administer and preserve the records of fear, Jon. You are a record of fear, both in mind as you walk the shuddering dread of each statement, and in body as the Powers each leave their mark upon you. You are a living chronicle of terror.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this. The Archivist is something... defined by how they feed their patron, but The Archive is defined by how they've been hurt to bring it into the world. He's not defined by even a person-like role, he's something molded by Jonah Magnus' desires to end the world.

I wrote a little poem about it, which I shall share here, because I am cringe but I am free, unlike Jon. RIP

He's not a person with a name, He's a vessel of destruction, He's not a person who feels pain, It's necessary for production, That he's scarred and marked, By things that lurk in the dark, Believe himself useless, Or it'll be fruitless, And at the end of the day, He's no person, no name, He's a plan that has come to fruition.

Also, he calls himself The Archivist, perhaps viewing himself as... something that hurts others, rather than something that is hurt for a purpose.

I’ll admit, my options were somewhat limited, but my god, when you came to me already marked by the Web, I knew it had to be you. I even held out some small hope you had been sent by the Spider as a sort of implicit blessing on my whole project and, do you know what, I think it was.

"I chose you" "I'll admit, my options were somewhat limited" Mr. Magnet, he was chosen by the web. Jonah's just not afraid to be puppeted.

So, when Jane Prentiss attacked, I watched eagerly, one hand on the gas release from the start.

This line fucked me up. "One hand on the gas release from the start." Just... like it just sticks in my mind. How he held all their lives in the palm of his hand, how he let Sasha die, and Tim get eaten by worms, because he wanted his bloody perfect Archive.

One hand on the gas release from the start, while all of them almost - or did - die(d).

Like, what gets me is how fucked up Jon was afterwards, how he was asking everyone for their statements, shutting them up before they got to the part where they'd mention Jon and Tim getting eaten with worms. What gets me is how Elias was there and Jon was what, looked like a bloody mummy! He didn't have second thoughts when he saw...

He knew everything. He saw everything. He saw how fucked up Jon was over e v e r y t h i n g. (everything)

That's what gets me.

Between the stabbing and at least two desperate flights into its door, you’re marked very deep by the Spiral.

And, you know, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the betrayal. I saw an interesting post on this, but I can't seem to find it. I'll look in the posts I've rbed tagged TMA meta, I'll link it in a reblog if I find it.

Honestly, I had nothing to do with Melanie and her Slaughter adventure, but when I saw the situation, I made sure to trap her here, so whenever her rage bubbled over you were right there, a ready target.

You know after Jon's second kidnapping that could have totally been resolved how Jonah made Jon stand in front of Melanie while she wanted to kill Jonah with a knife, and how it's like oh, right, yeah, use Jon as a bloody meat shield to get her angry at him, make him the scapegoat, that was intentional. It was intentional to destroy everyone in the Archives' interpersonal relationships, and then have Jon. A ready target for hatred and vitriol.

How is Martin, by the way? He looks well. You will keep an eye on him when all this is over, won’t you? He’s earned that.

I think that Jonah Magnus should eat shit and die.

The power of the Ceaseless Watcher flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

If you replace the Ceaseless Watcher with Determination then it reads like an Undertale save.

* The power of Determination flows through you, and the time of our victory is here.

Don’t worry, Jon. You’ll get used to it here, in the world that we have made.

This also ties in with the above, I hate that he says "our victory" "the world that we have made." Jon didn't consent to this, Jon didn't want this, Jon was made to be an unwilling conduit of the apocolypse and Jonah Magnus is insinuating that he chose it, the victim blaming little prick!

You who watch and know and understand none. You who listen and hear and will not comprehend. You who wait and wait and drink in all that is not yours by right. Come to us in your wholeness. Come to us in your perfection. Bring all that is fear and all that is terror and all that is the awful dread that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and bleeds and dies! Come to us. I OPEN THE DOOR!

GREAT INCANTATION! 10/10! And it's actually recitable, unlike the TBI one.

ARCHIVIST Look at the sky, Martin. Look at the sky. It’s looking back.

That is a fucking fantastic final line of the episode. All of it, four seasons leading up to this moment. Look at the sky. It's looking back.

Fuck dude!

(The Archivist begins a fractured, delirious, humourless, laugh that does not end)

That laugh.

That laugh is just... haunting. I love it so much. It makes me want to cry. I used to have it saved on my phone and I'd just listen to it over and over and over again and get more and more disturbed and heartbroken.

That laugh. That broken, horrific laugh.

I can't get over it.

And thus ends season 4 of The Magnus Archives. With a broken laugh in front of a window, leading out to the doomed world.

Episode 160 is quite possibly my favourite metaplot episode of The Magnus Archives, the way the whole plan was revealed, the awful manipulations that were exposed... that laugh.

I leave you all to think on this. To think on the Archive née the Archivist née Jonathan Sims, laughing at the world he has unwillingly and unwittingly doomed.

Goodnight, a-mag-a-day, goodnight. /ref

[enassbraid]

hello! can you do akito and toya [separately] with a male reader whos their singing partner, and after a good performance one day they just..confess.

like theyre just like “great concert!” “I am in love with you.”

Thanks in advance, take your time!

If Not You, Than Who?

Featuring Akito Shinonome and Toya Aoyagi

Jazzyyyy hi ty for requesting, I hope you like this cause this idea was rlly fun to write…

CW) swearing in Akito’s part, kissing smooch smooch, Toya is an awkward lover boy

Akito Shinonome

Akito could only dream of the day he could pour his heart out to you. For as long as he’s been your partner, he’d always get that warm bubbly feeling in his chest. It made him nauseous. He absolutely despised it. But he knew it would never go away; even if he were to confess it would only feel worse.

So he buried these feelings deep down. All he wants is to continue singing with you, no one else. If you were to reject him- then what would become of you two? Akito didn’t want too think of it, not risk it. ‘It’s for the best’ he’d think, despite knowing how big of a lie it was.

Of course his pining only got worse the more time he spent with you, probably at it’s absolute peak the day of the performance. Adrenaline coursed through Akito’s veins, not going unnoticed by you or the crowd. His voice boomed louder than ever, just loud enough to keep the crowd hyped and engaged. He felt lighter than ever, freely moving on the stage with out disrupting his or your’s singing. It was… entrancing too you.

The performance goes amazing, perfect even! You & Akito walked off stage receiving many compliments and positive feedback from the live-house staff. You gave him a light snack on the back with a huge grin.

“That was one of our bests yet, don’t ya think ‘Kito? You sounded amazing up there- oh and how well your voiced synced with mine! The crowd loved it!”

If Akito wasn’t feeling just as hyped as you were, he would have died on the spot. The nickname and all the compliments in just a few words from you would have been too much. For some reason, that only made the adrenaline increase.

“Yeah, that was amazing! And- fuck, (Name), I love you!”

He couldn’t stop himself, not now. And for some reason, he didn’t feel any embarrassment, in fact- he felt proud. And your reaction was only making him feel even more proud. You stared at him for a few seconds, letting his words sink in. If he loves you, then…

You placed your lips on Akito’s, who didn’t waste a moment to kiss back. It just felt right. Like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders, he practically melted. You both pulled away , looking back at each other before chuckling.

“In case that didn’t make it go through your thick skull, I love you too, Akito.”

Toya Aoyagi

It’s not like Toya to be so upfront about his emotions, simply disliking displaying them on his face. Although he’d like too, it just doesn’t feel right to him. Because of this, Toya feels twice as much on the inside, in his heart. Which is why it didn’t take him too long to understand his infatuation with you.

You’d always be his singing partner, even if he had Akito, you were always going to be his partner. So Toya didn’t see a problem with confessing to you. Even if you rejected him, he could move on, he always does. The problem was finding the right time to confess. Somehow, any appealing moment to confess is quickly interrupted or ruined, slightly pissing him off over time.

The performance set for tonight wasn’t expected to be anything too major, just a simple performance at a live-house to get your names out there more. It was gonna be quick and go, nothing more nothing less. So why was he so pumped? Noticeably as well, which was certainly new.

On stage, his voice sang smoother than ever before, syncing up perfectly with your voice. The crowd loved it- cheers booming through the live-house as well as an exciting atmosphere. You both side-eyed each other, giving small smirks to one another. ‘This is going amazing’ you both thought in unison.

The live ended at the best moment, with the crowd still hyped but settled and the atmosphere making anyone forget about any sort of exhaustion they may have had. You waved at staff members while Toya smiled at them as they gave you two thumbs up and “nice job!”’s. Finally, you and Toya were alone together, not getting your ear drums blown out by any crowd or music.

“Toya, that was so good! How did we get the crowd so hyped like that? We barley had any high expectations for this! You did incredible.”

He wasn’t sure what to say in response, but he still knew it was now or never.

“We did great, didn’t we? And (Name), I know this may sound sudden, but I love you.”

He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, avoiding your gaze in fear of rejection. He tried to play it off cool, but the pink settling on his cheeks gave him away. You felt stunned, but none the less happy he finally said it.

Pulling him in by the waist, you softly but passionately kissed him. Toya was shocked, not even able to process this moment. He wish he kissed you back as you pulled away- but he was simply too stunned to do so.

“Toya, that means “I love you too.” And it’s ok to blink y’know?”

“Y-yeah.. sorry- can we do that again? So I can kiss you back this time of course…”

[baahsu]

SIGH ITS ME LOCAL VSCEST WHORE BACK AGAIN. neways my minds fr like a fishbowl rn bc my one braincell keeps swimming back n forth btwn thinking about "yoniji dog and cat dynamic" and "super possessive of his all his siblings ichiji" but since you urself made the "craving manhandling yoniji" post ill give you my silly strange little thoughts on that one first. but know that possessive ichiji is also coming sometime soon bc he makes me crazy lmao

SO as we all know, yonji is very much puppy coded, but what we DONT know/talk enough about is how cat coded niji is. like i'm confident that mf would start purring if you pet his head n carded your fingers thru his hair

so cat and dog dynamic, already great, but now it's YONIJI where the puppy is like a head taller than the cat and the puppy loves the cat very much and wants to carry the cat around like a fancy handbag and wants to make the cat see stars (in more ways then one ;]) and this whole time the cat is like "🤬😡😾🙄" bc like. yeah niji feels the same way but GOD yonji you are a literal '''''emotionless''''' prince AND soldier please stfu you are embarrassing him 😭😭

yonjis the one who'll pull any of his siblings into his lap whenever he wants to, even in front of soldiers/staff bc A. hes physically affectionate and B. he just. can. lol (what are 0123 gonna do?? physically overpower him when theyre LITERALLY in his lap??? maybe sanji could if he was desperate but thats abt it fagagfaaghwf and if any soldier/staff member made a comment abt it they'd just fuckin die lol)

AND yonji likes doing this to niji the most bc the others just dgaf about it (ichiji doesnt mind- a chair is a chair- this one just happens to want its hands wrapped around his waist, reiju finds it cute and endearing, and sanji might've been tense about it at first but after a while he just melted into it bc ZAMN hes touch starved) but niji VERY MUCH gives a fuck about it. he gets sooo flustered and red in the face- twisting in yonjis lap and banging his fists against yonjis head n chest and shrieking "let me go you fucking ape!" in a voice an octave higher than usual. yonji is simply sitting there like "😊😊😊" bc his ass is NOT listening. hes prolly lost in his head thinking about how hard hes gonna be fucking niji within the next 3 minutes if he doesnt stop that damn squirming.

ALSO fitting cat and dog dynamic methinks- yonji bites. affectionately. like ofc he does hickeys and claim marks but sometimes he'll just go up to niji or any of 0123 and (lightly, gently) bite them somewhere on their arm or shoulder or finger to be affectionate. (is this me projecting?? maybee <3<3) niji, resident cat who finds biting as a challenge, does NOT fucking get it and goes "??!?!? motherfucker WHAT?!?!" everytime it happens. 013 understand that its meant to b affectionate but instead of telling niji this they simply watch this interaction go down whenever it happens bc its Really Fucking Funny

and to end it out, obviously yoniji fuck like animals in heat, too. yonji with the doggy style and deep growls in nijis ear and the (strong, heavy) bites that draw blood all along his neck and thighs. and niji with nails that leave scratches all along yonjis skin and whos back can arch better than any cats and who sure as hell ACTS like a cat by constantly whining and complaining the whole time during sex abt yonji smothering him with affection but the second yonji sighs n eases up on em niji immediately goes "!! what the Fuck do you love me or not??!?!". yonji quickly realizes that sometimes the best thing to do is just shove some fingers in his mouth to get him to stfu :)))

OKAY and fin lol. they are so silly yet hot together. goofy whores, even. they make each other better AND worse. i love them.

-J.J c(:

No no no but this is so good?? So accurate?? Even the little details?? Ichiji doesn't mind yonji putting him on his lap because it's just another seat to him?? Yonji's ready to murder someone if they say shit about what he's doing?? Everyone's amused at how much of a dumbass niji is?? I LOVE IT ALL

Cat and dog dynamic just fits so perfectly for yoniji it's crazy!!

Yonji is that mix of being a huge dog that doesn't realize it grew too much and of being a huge dog that's pretty much aware it grew and it's making the most out of it. He's constantly craving physical affection, you can see it in his eyes and in his figurative tail that's constantly wagging as he trails behind his siblings, the catch is that if they ignore him he can just manhandle them all, toss them over his shoulders and plop them on his lap when he gets to a couch

Then there's niji, only outwardly accepting physical affection on his own terms, but making a scene if he gets ignored for too long. He's always threading that line of "I hate you, leave me alone" and "I hate you slightly less today, come cuddle me"

So when you put them together it's just hilarity overload. Niji has no chance against yonji, he can't fight him, can't overpower him, he can't barely even move when yonji got his arms around him (even worse when yonji gets his whole body on top of him). But it's obvious to everyone niji secretly loves it, he feels yonji's weight and warmth and the way he mercilessly pounds into him and he just purrs and whines uncontrollably

I also think ichiji's kinda like a cat too, except he's the type that just sits there on his own, judging everyone and just takes it if someone decides to do something to him. And by someone I mean yonji and reiju, if it's niji or sanji his other side comes out and he'd much rather tease them for being needy

[inquisitoradaar]

feel like i need to elaborate on musics love shape. long post ahead bc god there is so much explaining that needs to be done here. the situation is Intricate and Dire. also spoilers for balding gate or whatever

i went in without any idea who i was gonna romance but then i met gale and was like ok. i think this is the guy. and had made up my mind on it until wylls introduction where i was like oh fuck hes so hot but i couldnt change my mind id already promised myself id romance gale.

anyways. the party ends up being music + shadowheart + gale + wyll for a while. this is not because of preference but bc i literally managed to miss astarion (i went to the bottom of the hill hes on and then said out loud to myself 'nothing else here' and went back in the nautiloid.) and lae'zel (saw the two tieflings that caught her but didnt see the cage and decided to avoid conflict). i eventually swap out shadowheart for karlach when i meet her (it was besties at first sight for me) and then get told by some friends who r also playing that im a fucking dumbass and completely missed astarion and lae'zel (id already saved the grove by this point so LMAO)

i go back to the crash site, grab astarion, then use a scroll of revivify on lae'zel bc shes dead in the mountain pass (whoops). theyve both missed literally everything. i go to camp and astarion immediately reveals to music that he is a vampire. awesome. theyre also both charlatans which is a lil funny to me. i add neither of them to my party bc by this point im extremely attached to gale wyll and karlach and music has rlly high approval w all three of them.

now in truth the love shape was already in the equation bc gale is still not over mystra. music is unclear as to whether or not this affection is still reciprocated on mystras part (and tbh so am i . i havent finished act 2 yet ok) but when they shared a Moment in the weave gale enjoyed it so clearly thats also happening. so we have a love triangle going on. this is fine and manageable even if music is not a big fan of the whole the-guy-im-into-has-a-bomb-in-his-chest-bc-of-his-ex-who-he-still-loves thing.

we get to the underdark. i have a long rest. astarion has smth to say. in-game it has been two days since i finally grabbed him from the crash site (has he just been waiting that entire time for someone to walk down that path so he could stab them?). cutscene plays out, he wants music to tell him hes pretty, music responds w 'gales more my type', and astarion makes a comment abt how hell have to work on himself if hes to 'catch up w the competition' um?

so the love triangle is now a sort-of love square. could be just a lil silly fun joke and i think of it as such (at least when ignoring the meta (thats another story)) until i get to act 2 and have a long rest in the shadow-cursed lands. and astarion says to music smth like 'were kindred souls, were walking down the same path, we should take over the absolutist cult and rule the world together' WHAT IS HAPPENING. what coded declaration of love bullshit is this. music and astarion barely even know each other.

so, great, love triangle is now officially a partially unreciprocated love square. but then. but THEN. to make matters WORSE for ME PERSONALLY. having another long rest in the shadow-cursed lands and a cutscene starts to play. wyll is dancing and so music joins in (naturally, theyre best friends w wyll (literally, they have maximum approval from him) and a BARD) and then things start getting. quote. "intimate" and i go oh no i have to put a stop to this bc things have started getting more serious w gale. and when i tell wyll that they should both step away from this he looked so genuinely heartbroken it made me feel so horrifically sad.

so the partially unreciprocated love square is now. even worse. a love shape of no real design. with music, some random loser tiefling bard charlatan in the middle of it all. gods help them

[yuukei-yikes]

Omg omg omg. Hi. Ok so idk if Shintaro would tell Takane about how he killed her in Route XXX (I kinda feel like he wouldn’t) but I definitely imagine that Shintaro is extremely guilty about it and the memory of it straight up haunts him at night sometimes. Dude probably has nightmares about it every now and again

Like imagine Shintaro randomly tightly hugging Takane and immediately apologizing over and over again and Takane is just “??” becuz she doesn’t know what happened!! She’s clueless! She’s not reminded of the horrors like Shintaro is!

Anyways thanks for coming to my KageTed Talk have a good day/afternoon/night

I AGREEEEEEE I AGREE COMPLETELYYYYY his ass WOULD NOT TELL HER but he's so haunted by it!!!!

shintaro sees takane and sees the person who was by his side over a hundred times and he even once killed. augh his self hatred and shit.... i want to explode theyre so best friends they love each other so much. they go everywhere together and are always together 👍

also them hugging ;_; _; ;_; shintaro is so bad with words so resorting to a hug makes sense. there's so much art of ene always clinging to shintaro and while takane (in my delusions) has her whole thing with touch i think she's naturally really clingy and touchy so she's also like. jumping on his back and surprise hugging him all the time and he's like AUGGHHH. i love drawing shintaro&takane hugs where takane holds him bc she's the comforter and shintaro is the pathetic wet washcloth that needs hugging.

GRRR GRRRR POST STR SHINTAKA CONFLICTS COMPLETELY UNRELATED BUT imagine takane having a hard time with something and the dynamic shifts and shintaro Has no idea how tackle the situation with a vulnerable takane. sorry the bit in the seventh novel where takane gets upset for like 30 seconds and shintaro's like. I DONT WANNA EVER DEAL WITH SEEING TAKANE DEPRESSED AGAIN. means so much to me.

ok i always talk abt it, takane would just rely on haruka instead, she also wouldnt go to shintaro yknow. but man shintaro would want to help he just doesnt know how to handle seeing takane like a real person. not so much like the ayano thing where he puts her in a pedestal, with takane is more like... he's used to seeing her play a certain role and when takane moves from it bc of her own problems, he's all out of orbit and he's like Whoa what. also like in the seventh novel he wants to scream and run if he sees her upset like Haha what are you doing ur the sneering girlie in my puter STOP CRYING STOP IT STOP IT THAT'S WEIRD.

i think interesting conflict could come from shintaro insisting to takane he's there for her and she should count on him and have take him into account whenever she needs a shoulder, like he makes a big deal out of that but Then when she really needs him he doesn't actually manage to show up. OR!!!! ANOTHER FUN ONE: he goes and tells her problems to haruka or ayano or worse EVERYONE ELSE because he assumes theyre gonna do a better job than him but he puts her in the worst position of vulnerability ever that she HATES AND IS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE IN. like imagine he goes and tells haruka for example. idk What. like she's having a hard time with something, probably about her sensory issues (primarily i think she'd talk to haruka, but imagining shintaro is asking her to count on him too and her actually considering it and doing it). and chose shintaro to talk but shintaro just passes it over to haruka. and takane's like. ur going behind my back telling SHIT I TRUSTED U WITH??? and shintaro's like erm erm. hehe. shes not mad about haruka or whoever else knowing, its shintaro running away that she gets angry at. sry i have a whole fic written in my head

anyways. shintaro is trying to be a good friend to takane but their dynamic is weird and strange and tends to fall back to You dont know anything about me and I know everything about you (takane) and With a side of youve known me in this life while I've known you for over a hundred other lifetimes (shintaro). they make me crazy!

[arqdyke]

whatre your opinions on all the jake ships. ALL OF THEM.

hi gaz :3 under the cut bc its literally fivemillion miles long.

rosejake - ??/10 theres something there. i can see it in my minds eye. its not romantic probably(??) but i feel like they would be so insane unhinged abt each other in a really hard to describe way. this is largely bc i like smashing my faves together and having them be weird abt each other.

davejake - 8/10 hehe. i like them :3 theyre very funny & silly. i feel like neither of them have ever introspected in their entire lives w/out repressing it immediately afterwards & together they get Worse. this eventually culminates in them both having Realizations and transitioning. i think they can holding hands on purpose.

jakeroxy - 8/10 theyre so unlabeled confusing but DEEPLY intimate relationship to me. they are baring their souls to each other in a hobby lobby parking lot ^-^ theyre very important to me

dirkjake - ??/10 clutches head oh theyre oddly compelling to me actually. i think they work best as weird ex's who have sort of something going on but they dont really work in a 'proper' relationship so its awkward & confusing for everyone around them. my feelings r mixed overall though.

jakehal - 10/10 imagine the worst pitch dynamic you possibly can. now make it worse. i have several vague aus in my mind palace about them being terrible & codependent. but in actuality i think their dynamic is very interesting from a character analysis standpoint & thats a very easy way to make me ship a set of characters. also i think its funny. and jake deserves a robotboyfriend.

jakedavesprite - 5/10 ive actually thought abt this one before surprisingly but there wasnt really a lot going on with them. definitely potential though!!!

jakejasprose - 9/10 futch dyke 4 bisexual aroace and its up to you whos which. i think theyre the weirdest palerom dynamic on the earth but genuinely they are so bffs to me. bffs that kiss a little (a lot) thats jasproses emotional support [vile slur omitted]! & jakes emotional support kittycatgirl :3

davepetajake(??) - 8/10 gripping the sides of my chair. yeah im normal about these characters who i dont think have any speaking line 1on1 interactions. so normal. why do u ask? anyways yeah i think theyre kind of supersilly awesome & fun. and also *gestures vaguely * the psychological trauma is vast and fascinating 2 my fucked up mind.

jakerisolsprite - 10/10 ok now hear me out. this was one of my first ever jakeships actually i just think the "jake/a guy who hates his guts" dynamic is supremely underrated & funny as fuck. they r like weird & messed up usually pitch vacillation nightmare girlfriends. genuinely very attached to them in a personal way.

jakearquius - ??/10 well. looks down at myself. looks back up. theyre funny? surprisingly i dont actually think abt them often.

arajake - 10/10 imagine a world so full of joy and peace. ok but fr their characters are like. intertwined in my mind. their relationship is like almost romantic...? theyre aro4aro. but very much in an 'official' relationship as well. if they knew or cared what it was they would be in a qpr but they dont. i think spending time w aradia would help jake figure out more abt himself & i think aradia would just really like spending time with him. they are marveling at each others minds.

jaketav - 3/10 unfortunately i go out of my way to not think too hard abt tavros so im gonna have to leave this one alone. in a hypothetical world they could be bffs forever!

jakesol - 10/10 deep breath. ok so actually im very very attached to the idea of pale jakesol. it shows up in my casual idle daydreams & in every au i think abt too hard. i think they can taking a nap together. i want them to sillyargue about random bullshit & infodump at each other about things the other could not give less of a shit about. clingy sleepynaptime girlfriends. neither of them has showered in weeks. also theyre so totally each others type. like look at canon for a moment and consider it.

jakekat - 7/10 idk. i think theyre sillies. they bond over cinema in the arguing way. i think jake would like to mess with him until it becomes clear that karkat doesnt actually hate everything and is just kind of Like That. i can see them being good friends and... maybe?? boygirlfriends.

jakenep - 8/10 i think she can hunting him for sport. like for actual sport they go play high stakes tag in forests for several months and come out soulbonded. also jake needs more sillycatgirls in his life & nepeta needs more chill/fun ppl to hang out with. shes being sillySTIFLED.

jakekan - 5/10 honestly i can not say ive ever though about- wait no no i thought about it once like forever ago. honestly they could be pretty good green autism besties!! idk abt romance but thats mostly bc ive just never considered it.

jakerezi - ??/10 this one is absurdly funny to me. i dont think it would ever happen but if it did it would be really really funny.

jakevris - 7/10 actually ive read several fics abt this before! it kind of appeals to me in a weird way but i prefer them as weird frenemies.

jakequius - 8/10 lays down. look. ok. so. well. i just think theres potential ok? i cant explain it. im running out of steam for this if you cant tell.

gamjake - 0/10 no thanks ?

erijake - 5/10 i dont think ive seriously thought about it but theres definitely some potential there.

thats all im doing. god bless u all.

[ekwolfwood]

Happy New Year I wanted to be back and I actually had a post about the bad things AND the good things complete with photos but it fucking uuhhhhhhhhh broke? So. Yeah. I'll try again but nooo, no photos for me i guess.

but anyways HELLO WORLD, MY QUEUE IS ACTUALLY ALMOST DEAD I HAVE BEEN ACCIDENTALLY AVOIDING THIS PLACE FOR REASONS UNKNOWN EVEN TO ME.

but yeeeeah about that 2023. its been a ~real bad year~ huh, or was it just me? Thought I'd throw up a little end ofthe year wrap up, but have been putting it off because a lot of it sucked.

Between multiple deaths in the family, covid still doing its plaguebearing thing, so much fucking stress, worsening symptoms and endless doctor visits and even worse fatigue thats left me in bed most of each week, im... it seems like i got nothing done.

But it wasnt all bad! I'm trying to think on all the things i did this year (and a LOT of things i acquired this year i did... a lot of retail therapy for the first time in my life really???)

-I cant believe i got to see a Rick Riordan Q&A live, like, it seems like AGES ago but was only this year???? It was a genuine bucket list item for me

-i started drawing again??? And im kinda improving???? Id like to share some of it one day somewhere?? Scary.

-got to dip my toes back into cons again! Only the safe/outdoor ones, but it was nice seeing folks again, despite some drawbacks (like AN being 40°C and witnessing a real stupid truck crash, and Yeti being nothing but stress overall and causing some ~brand new (old) symptoms~)

-I started my new life of cosplaying my own OC's over other things. Being Virtue (my dnd pastel barbiecore nightmare child) was absolutely freeing, i cant wait to make him 7 million new outfits

-especially because i got to do a freaking location shoot at a super cool, very out of the way waterfall, with a reflecting pool. i cant wait to bring so many things there

-also did a waterfall tour of Owen Sound. soooooo many dnd/dragon age/etc shoot ideas

-im also saving up for a few dream dragon age costumes, and its gonna be like uhhhhh.... $500ish worth of scalemail? (for two seperate projects)

-speaking of dragon age, i got alex into inquisition and i've become a nightmare about it again im not sorry

-alex and i went halvsies on thigh high boots that are 100% for my Lavellan, because he's a thot and deserves them

-tell me not to spend another like $150cdn on the official shirts. theyre just. so SOFT. they are a pure sensory joy.

-i bought so many cardigans from independent artists, on preorders. and like none of them are here yet but next falls gonna be 👌👌👌

-i have a lolita problem. got to wear one of my fanciest to the cherry blossoms at the height of my pain flares back in the spring! i now have two new dresses on top of that! there's a third im eyeing right now to go with one of my new cardigans! its a real problem y'all 😂

-but by far my biggest and best decision was i saved up for two solid years and was able to buy myself A FREAKING PS5 without breaking budget at all?????? I'm genuinely proud of myself, this was the exact opposite of an impulse buy??? even got to gift a friend the CoD game that came with it, because i was never gonna touch that lol

Next year better keep up the good things, and no new fucking symptoms. Also, depending on the Yeti news, im not letting myself be that fucking stressed this time around.

[charmixpower]

For me recently I’ve been eating up all the rivusa crumbs in the movies ESP magical adventure but since I have no irl outlet I’m just gonna say here that in secret of the lost kingdom the freaking cut scene from the Italian where the old white man tells riven that he needs to figure out whats his reason fighting and Musa just comes and links arms with him owns my heart AND THEN it links back to when they have their moment towards the end where he tells her she is what he’s fighting for😭😭 dude that kiss is engraved in my head for absolutely no reason I love it so much the animation was giving all it could have been giving at that moment😭😭 and also when Musa was giggling while riven was doing extra stuff with his hover bike just makes me so happy🥲

But then magical adventure ironically outsells the sotlk rivusa moments Bcs let me say when they meet in eraklyon and she runs and pushes up on his shoulders to kiss the side of his forehead😭😭 and his hand placement just gives me life and when they kiss (with so much tenderness that my heart is exploding) his hands deadass brushes over her ass😀😀😀 (the fact that the animators made an ACTIVE DECISION TO ANIMATE THAT TOO) it just helps with my hc that musas favourite place to hold riven is around his neck and his is around her waist (and lower ig🤷‍♀️ ) and they’re holding hands to wan to the ship too🥲🥲🥲 ALSO when riven ran up to musa on the ship to tell her “I always loved playing pirates” I MEAN COME ON THEY ARE SO CUTE and when they’re all kinda mourning over sky’s dad riven just puts his hands on her shoulders to comfort her and she later just reaches back to place her palm over his hand on her shoulder😭😭😭 URGH my heart can’t handle all these moments and then when the winx get back their powers she tackles him from the back and wraps her arms around his neck while she’s flying😭 and they just stay that way and look at each other when bloom and sky kiss lol🤪 and then when they need to fly back to the ship THEYRE THE LAST COUPLE TO SEPARATE AND HE JUST HOLDS HER HAND FOR AS MUCH AS HE CAN BEFORE SHE FLIES OFF😭😭😭 ok I think I’m done with my rivusa verbal diarrhoea I spent a whole 3 hours watching magical kingdom because I kept going back and slowing down the cute rivusa crumbs and analysing everything🤪 thank you for coming to my Ted talk about why rivusa have always been and will be the best

HELPPP THIS ASK IS EVERYTHING AND MORE!!!!

I thought I was the only one obsessed with movie Rivusa, bestie I love you, I could talk about "I've always loved playing pirates" for hours straight

YOUR SO RIGHT

SotLK is about big dramatic Rivusa while MA is all about those domestic casual Rivusa moments and I could stare at them forever

I rewatch the first and second movie p often because I love and are obsessed without them thank uuu so I am absolutely the person to send this to thank u for the food

I'm so mad they cut that scene bc Riven's arc in the first movie makes so much less sense without it but it's literally the same arc again and I'm sick of is, MA forever for just letting Rivusa vibe and exist

Like I know Riven is the most interesting and well written male character in the show but give my man a break 🙄🙄🙄 his shoulders must be in so much pain form carrying most of the specialist sub plots

I love all the Rivusa kisses from the first kingdom, but the one where she was surprising him was so cute. Riven defo stuggles with being openly affectionate even tho he really really wants to be and Musa knows this show she's being affectionate enough for the both of them I love them so much sobbing

Their so soft but I can't believe you needed the movie to tell u that Riven is handsy with his s/o /j like it was so obvious. I couldn't tell you who is worse between them tbh. Musa, as seen by her s1 outfit, is more attention getting, Riven is only subtle when you compare him to her. Musa is going to kill Riven with her outfits one day, and she's not gonna even be a little sorry because it was completely intentional

The animators knoooo

My hc is that Musa really likes just attaching herself to his arm. His arm is stuck being cuddled to her chest and he's not getting it back thank youuu. That hc is because the s2 finale party is literally everything I've ever needed in Winx, but I can definitely see where your coming from. Musa is part of the "I'm going to jump on my boyfriend" coalition with Stella and Aisha

And yes true, canon

THEIR LITERALLY SO CUTE ADORABLE AND SOFT IN THAT MOVIE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FOR IT

I love how Musa prefers to sneak attack Riven by jumping on his back. Stella and Aisha r so proud. She definitely does that just to mess with him. "Hahaha I snuck up on you 😜" and Riven, who damn well heard her is like "yaah you did babe" and then she messes with his pointy hair

They are BOTH CLINGY BECAUSE THEY WORRY ALOT ABOUT EACH OTHER CHANGE MY MIND I LOVE THEM SO DEARLY

YE S YES UES IVE DONE RHE SAME THING YOUR THE MOST VAILD PERSON IN THE WORLD

I completely agree and I am patiently waiting for the next ted talk this was WONDERFUL

[ankhisms]

ok hold on now that im thinking about it im gonna ramble some more about theater related things

disclaimer disclaimer despite feeling a bit awkward at times and nervous because everyone else has already been in other shows together and is friends with each other vs me not really knowing anyone everyone still has been nice and the director and stage manager are sweethearts and the lead actor is very cool and talented and its been a better experience than my last show and i certainly dont have any issues where people are being nasty to me like i did with my last production but ok the thing im thinking about is ok. im going to the opening night of this other play tonight right. because this is another play our theater company is putting on right. the way this theater works is that generally two plays are like kind of around the same time where one is being performed and the other one is still in the early to mid rehersal stages but its all the same theater company right and some of my castmates are in this show and we all get in free since we are actors and part of the company right and its good to support your castmates with their hard work on their other production its a lot of work to be doing two plays at once

and anyway there was this time where. ok one thing about me is i blend into the background when im offstage and it is very common for me to overhear things people dont necessarily mean for me to hear or want me to hear for better or for worse. so there was a time recently where i was offstage waiting for my time to go in and these two people start talking about this other play theyre in. and they just start absolutely trashing a girl whos in it with them who i realize is another castmate in the production im in and she just wasnt needed at rehersal that day so she wasnt there to hear them but the way they were talking about her was just so cruel and i moved away at one point because it just felt really gross and i had half a mind to speak up and say something but it was like at the time i didnt know who they were talking about so its not like i could be like hey dont talk badly about her or thinking its none of my business.

but it still bothers me specifically because these people were being so elitist and putting this girl down saying "oh shes trying so hard but shes just not good. she just isnt good!" and i think the director of that play is also kind of weird or making weird decisions but thats not the actors fault if the director is demanding they perform in a weird way. and it really just boiled down to these two people (who btw are twice the age of me and the other girl) were just like... asserting that theyre sooooo good and that theyre so skilled and know the play better and that if it were them theyd do it this way etc etc while just being so nasty and cruel to this poor girl who they admitted is very obviously trying her best and putting a lot of effort. frankly i am more impressed by and rooting for someone who may not have as much experience or skill but is putting a lot of effort and heart into their performance over someone whos got a lot of experience yes but is going to just treat their cast mates like shit like this lmao. i lost my train of thought but oh no wait there it is

its like a pet peeve of mine when people in theater think they know your role better than you do or know better than the director does and tries to like upstage you or says well i could do that role better or i wouldve done it this way. like ok but you arent doing the role. you arent the director. a theatrical production is supposed to be a group effort were all supposed to be working TOGETHER to tell a story and create an experience and get across a specific message and atmosphere to the audience and i hate how often people seem to forget that and want to be like WELL I COULD DO THAT BETTER and to be clear you may be thinking but kes you have said you could out act certain hollywood actors and thats diffwrent because im not a fucking cast mate of those rich and famous actors who barely are able to have a good meaningful deep performance because they got their roles through money and connections and being conventionally attracvtive. its different yknow.

and in the end it makes me sad. it just makes me sad to know that the issues that i have with the usa acting and theater industry are still within a smaller scale community theater. i genuinely think community art spaces are so incredibly important i wouldnt be alive if it hadnt been for community theater and its a disservice to be letting people be so fucking snobbish and elitist and cruel like yes i take our community theater productions seriously and we all put a lot of effort andnheart into it ajd ive seen some really moving and impactful amazing performances done by small community theater groups but also this is not fucking broadway you do not have to be so back stabbing and cruel and you dont have to act like you have some kind of heirarchy ladder to climb, both of these things can be true

also as a note for example like. i dont really agree with some of the acting choices the person im understudying for is making. but thats really just because we are very different people and every performer is going to do things differently! i dont think theyre a bad actor in any way and i can clearly see theyre putting a lot of thought and effort into their performance. and in the end even if i dont agree with how theyre doing it thats not my decision, its the directors decision for how she wants the character to come across so that the story can be cohesive. plus our director knows more about this play than any of us she literally did her thesis on it. but anyway what im saying is that you can not agree with your castmates acting choice while not being a fucking asshole about it

anyway whew thanks if you read this ramble lmao i just want theater to be a safer healthier kinder place and i care a lot about acting and theater. everyone be fucking nice for the love of god

[eyelessfog]

okay anyway so big important stuff: its the UNVOA angel au. its just pokemon b&w. and im so so focused on team plasma because ummm i like them. mwah. anyway N was picked up from the forest as a child. hes a natural angel, right? and we made reshiram his like. his dad basically. raised him because N could hear him.

and then ghestsis took N because this kid was a whole entire angel and thats. huh. but he didn't get out Okay. because reshiram smited him. smote him. screwed him up in his right arm and the right half of his face. but he didn't die, yk? but the fact that he ACTUALLY met god does make him worse. and hes like oh so i CAN get gods attention i just have to. i dont know. do this and this and that.

anyway so we're talking about anthea and concordia now. if you dont know who that is thats okay but i like them :] basically theyre 2 characters with tiiiiiny roles but theyre basically N's caretakers. and no one really thinks about them? except for me and a couple others. but anyway. my obsession, the two of them.

anthea has pink hair and she kinda looks calmer? concordia is blonde and looks a little more excitable. i gave them personalities.

okay so one bit that was always important to me was that these two aren't angels. theyre literally just N's caretakers. but theyre also his sisters because he loves them sos sososo so much and they love him sososo much. they have, since the beginning, known what ghetsis was up to. he told them, then threatened them for their silence. the thing is, they don't know what to do about it. because he gave them a better life - better food, better bed, better place to live. they should feel grateful. but they don't . because they're terrified of him and both of them deal with it in different ways

anthea has a freeze and fawn response. when she gets scared she goes quiet and does her best to be small and perfect and whatever gets her out of trouble. concordia has a fight and flight response. she needs to do something about it, needs to fight back, take whatever comes at her - she can't keep still

and both of them hate the other for it. "if you would just keep quiet, he'd get less mad and then we wouldn't get in trouble." "if you would just speak up we could fight back against him and then he wouldn't bother us."

it takes years for the two of them to become friends. longer still to become sisters. but it happens, and when it happens, it all becomes just a little easier.

they both love N, and both of them try their hardest to work stories with morals they think N will need into their stories. he has to understand that he can't always trust the person closest to him. he can't always trust that someone promising perfection will give it to him. he has to understand, someday, that ghetsis is using him, and they don't mind if he has to stop trusting them for this to happen.

[anything for N. they'd give up anything for N. even if they're giving up his love.]

they're... fucked up, the both of them. fucked up and pushed to the side because they know how to smile, because they've lived this hell for long enough that they know how to convey the emotions they want to convey, and keep the ones they don't close to their chest.

N is innocent. he's confused. they're guilty and they're scared.

when they get out - when they all get out - they're traumatized and they're dealing with it. Not well, but they're dealing. and also concordia gets to watch ghestsis die so win for the her community. they have mental issues, both of them. im gonna have to go double check which ones it was but anthea i think had delusions and hallucinations.

okay wait uhh shadow triad :D these three ALSO have problems. they were taken in at an even younger age than N was, sculpted into being the same person AND were all born angels. three, in christianity, is recognized as a holy number. they each had one set of wings that was their own, and then ghetsis put another two sets of wing symbolism into their outfits, giving them three pairs of wings each. three of them, which is the holy number, and then three pairs of wings, which is even MORE holy number

see the thing is, and this was so fun to think about, 666 is an evil number. a number that people generally consider to be the devil's number, but was used in reference to an awful king. now, recognize that if you put them all together, they have 6 wings each, and there is three of them, so..... 666

sorry its so. awaugh my friend is such a genius for this

anyway. they're fallen angels because ghetsis has them do all his dirty work, and the thing is. one of them is scared of ghetsis. in a different way to the others.

the others trust ghetsis. the others love him. the others think of him as a father, but this one... he can't. ghetsis was just... he was always there. over his shoulder when he did something wrong. caught him when he shouldn't have been able to. there's just... something wrong with it, and he can't... he can't find comfort in ghetsis the way his brothers can.

okay i dont think i can talk about this anymore because now im getting distracted by the other stuff we used to talk about cough cough the pkmn fangame we made up but anyway @ouughhh :} angel au

[mizuta]

god im tired (longer winded ramble under the cut about disability?)

the thing they dont tell you. about being the son of two disabled parents, two people who hate themselves more than they could hate you, a woman who swears up and down that her becoming disabled enough to need a wheelchair full time is the worst thing thats ever happened to her, thats Ruined her life.

the thing they dont tell you is their constant insistance that you can do better and are just lazy warps your fucking perspective to yourself until its unrecognizeable. they push themselves until theyre now falling apart at the seams with worse and worse damages that couldve maybe been avoided somewhat and refuse to allow you to be 'weak' and 'need help'.

they dont tell you that when youre navigating constant persistant wrist pain at 22, when your cognitive functions have always been bad but not bad enough, that youre never gonna feel like you deserve help or accommodations. that you cant do math or numbers and thats a larger symptom of something, of when words blur together and you read chunks of writing as nonsensical regularly, when you hear one thing but someone said something completely different and you have to just bashfully laugh it off.

when your language function breaks down and youre speaking in fragmented sentences. no proper grammar. the words are hard and dont make sense and youre just desperately screaming in your own wy trying to be heard. you get told that one might be a symptom of your psychosis but fuck nobody ever told you that wasnt normal to begin with other than making fun of you when your guards down.

when you can barely tell time between two days from each other and your disassociative disorder makes you all lose so many gaps in time, and youre not mad at each other for that, but you just kind of wonder because between that and how much time doesnt exist to you all and how much you forget from adhd to the point that entire days are forgotten after youve lived them, when youre so exhausted and your head feels like fog 80% of the time, when your mood tracker never puts you above a 5 on the mental health scale on your best days.

when you know damn fucking well youre not abled enough, but nobody tells you that youll constantly be told youre not disabled enough, either. not abled or disabled. some fucking other thing, something thats useless, something thats just fucking pointless.

its like, i know im mentally ill. severe clinical depression. adhd. probably cptsd that im still coming to terms with. likely ocd. possibly autistic as well its hard to tell. psychosis. but im also in pain pretty regularly, but its 'only' wrist pain, so does it matter? i cant think straight most days of the week and its a genuine struggle full of spoons to keep my speech coherent and just tonight alone i keep hallucinating my bathroom lights on and getting up and discovering when i come to turn them off theyre already off.

ive been sick for a week and a half and i could barely manage to get out of bed and shower twice. or get a sports drink so i didnt just... faint. i need constant access to electrolyte water/sports drinks or my near-constant dizziness and lightheadedness and sometimes physical pain gets way worse, rather than 'manageable and liveable'. i feel like im going fucking insane.

all signs point to me having asthma. my parents literally think im insane at the idea. i have so much breathing trouble and this last week i couldnt breathe for multiple 10 minute chunks because i went to work sick because i need the money.

christ almighty. not abled. not disabled enough. cant quantify my cognitive problems because itll never be 'enough'. god.

im so fucking tired, dude. i just want to sleep for a really, really long time

[mercy-burning]

Move This Along

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: After months of waiting, Spencer decides he finally wants to have sex with Reader. Category: SMUT (18+) Warnings: Language, sex (oral sex- female receiving, virgin!Spence, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie) Word Count: 5.6k

Full Request: “...so a smutty oneshot with like virgin!spencer but im talkling like baby spence. and hes super blushy and cute but then when it happens its rlly raunchy and therws a lot of dirty talk. and like reader doesnt work at the bau but theyre close friends. and like she goes out to a bar with him and the team and they tease him so then she takes him home and literally fucks him after a movie or smth idk...” — @mggscumrag

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to do this, but once I did, it came out so quickly! I hope it’s to your liking 🥰

***

The first time she went out to meet Elle's friends from work, Y/N found herself absolutely nervous, and she wasn't sure why. She was always great with meeting new people, but for some reason, the prospect of meeting her next-door neighbor's co-workers seemed to really do a number on her.

She remembers how anxious she'd been, constantly worrying that they wouldn't like her, not to mention they were all probably super smart and strong and intimidating, just like Elle. Anyone who aided in putting away serial killers, rapists, and other monsters had to be just about the most intimidating personality there ever was.

But as Y/N soon learned, that wasn't quite the case at all.

To be fair, they were all intimidating in their own little ways, though it was really easy to forget about that when she was laughing with them, sharing drinks and stories, and exchanging phone numbers to stay in touch.

That's how she and Spencer had come to be good friends. Despite how obviously shy he was whenever they saw each other, the two of them managed to have conversations on just about everything. It usually happened that he talked and she listened to whatever he was teaching her, but she'd always add on the occasional, "Wow, I didn't know that," or "That's really fascinating." All of which she could tell he was surprised at and appreciated.

And since the first time they met at Elle's birthday party, the night she met the whole team for the first time, they'd been practically inseparable. While Y/N was good friends with the whole team, save for Gideon, who always seemed to like it better by himself, her relationship with Spencer seemed to even surpass the bond she'd built with her neighbor-slash-best friend.

Elle even told her as much one Saturday night, as the two of them were driving to the bar to meet up with everyone for a few drinks.

She'd mentioned it as a joke, but Y/N was instantly apologetic.

Elle only laughed. "Don't apologize. Actually, I think it's good that Reid has another friend outside of work. You're good for him. And you know, I think he has a little crush on you."

Warmth rushed to Y/N's cheeks, and she tried to hide it but failed miserably, causing Elle to give her a knowing smile. "Y—You don't know what you're talking about, Elle, it's not like that."

"Oh come on, it totally is. You give him the light of day when no one else does, he talks about you all the time, and everyone at work knows it."

She paused. "They... do?"

"Of course they do, we're all profilers, but it doesn't take one to see how obsessed that boy is with you. I think you should go for it."

Y/N would have been lying if she said she hadn't thought about asking him out. But in the end she had always figured it was a little weird, being that she was friends with all his and Elle's co-workers and she'd kinda been adopted into their family of sorts. But hearing what her neighbor was saying... She started to think differently about it.

"You really think so?"

Elle nodded. "Absolutely."'

"Okay," she replied with an excited smile. "Maybe I will, then."

A week later and the two of them started dating. Y/N always thinks back to the first few weeks of their relationship, how adorably shy and blush-prone Spencer was, even after they'd been together for some time. They spent almost all their free time together, and it still seemed like he was nervous to be around her. He'd assured her on multiple occasions that that wasn't the case, but Y/N still wondered why he hadn't fully warmed up to being around her.

Especially in public. Oh, in public it was worse. Y/N clung to his arm, and his face immediately got red. What confused her the most, though, was that every time she pulled away to make him more comfortable, he pulled her back in, seemingly desperate to feel her warmth.

In the end she and Spencer had grown to develop their own little communication system for public settings, something to let the other know when something was really wrong, and when to ask if the other was comfortable.

One night everyone was meeting after a rough case somewhere in Denver, and Y/N offered to buy everyone drinks once Spencer had called to tell her they were all back. It wasn't out of the ordinary for her to do that, but it had been a while, so everyone was quick to except. Well, mostly everyone— Gideon as per usual went his separate way, and Hotch was eager to get home and see his family.

Y/N was waiting for them at their favorite bar downtown when she heard a loud squeal that sounded a lot like her name. Sure enough, it was easy to spot a very yellow-clad Penelope Garcia headed straight towards her with her arms stretched out for a hug when she turned around. The smile she adorned was instantaneous as her arms came out a well, embracing Penelope with a large hug that almost knocked the wind out of her.

"I missed you!" she exclaimed, still hugging Y/N and swaying them back and forth a little. "I mean, I know I don't ever travel with the team, but because of that we should hang out more."

"Next time I need some company, I know who to call."

Y/N spotted Spencer then, behind Penelope and patiently waiting for a greeting. She smiled at him and whispered, "Hi," to which Penelope must have heard.

She quickly released her from their embrace and stepped out of the way. "Oh! I'm sorry, I'm keeping you from your boy wonder."

She laughed as she transferred from Penelope's arms to Spencer's. He muttered a little, "Hi," into her hair as she squeezed him and shoved her face into his neck. If she had to bet, he was probably red as a tomato right now with how close her mouth was to his neck—it was his weakness and she knew it. And just to tease him a little bit she quickly kissed up his neck, his jaw, and placed a decent peck on his lips before pulling away and grabbing his hand.

Despite the shy smile and the blush adorning his cheeks, he squeezed her hand tight and kept her at his side like they would die if they weren't touching at all times.

Everyone gave little greetings to Y/N as they all made their way to a large booth near the back. Y/N was sitting on one side with Elle to her right and Spencer to her left, while Derek, Penelope, and JJ sat across from them. Y/N got them all their preferred drinks, and a beer for herself, which Spencer couldn't help but find oddly attractive.

He glanced over at her as she took swigs from the bottle as the night progressed, and for whatever reason the sight made his insides all warm and tingly. And when she used her unoccupied hand to grab his under the table, rubbing gentle circles over the inside of his palm with her thumb, he'd never felt more in love with another person. He wasn't even drinking any alcohol, yet his head swam and his heart soared all the same, every bone in his body humming with euphoria at just the mere thought of her.

He must have been staring a little too obviously, because Derek kicked his leg under the table, pulling him from the lovesick daydream he never wanted to leave.

"I can't tell if those are cute ol' puppy dog eyes or bedroom eyes," Derek laughed, and everyone laughed right alongside him.

"Oh, stop it," Penelope said, swatting his arm. "He's obviously just very in love with her, what more could you need to know?"

"Oh, come on, tell me you're not curious to know how they... operate."

She smacked him harder this time, and everyone laughed.

Knowing her boyfriend didn't really care for the spotlight, especially when it came to their relationship, Y/N squeezed Spencer's hand under the table in reassurance. She drew a question mark in his palm, their signal for, "Are you uncomfortable?" And he responded by drawing an "X" in her palm, their answer for, "No." She laced their fingers together then, and set her beer down.

"Morgan, our sex life isn't any of your business," she stated simply.

Spencer felt his stomach churn at the sentence, if only because said sex life was, as of late, non-existent.

He and Y/N had made out a lot, sure, but the one time they did try having sex, he made it about ten seconds being inside of her before he finished, and since then he'd been kind of embarrassed about it. They only ever made out since then, because before it ever got that far he stopped it, nervous that he'd disappoint her.

And now his non-existent sex life was the topic of conversation, and if anyone picked up on it, he would have felt worse about the whole thing.

So, he didn't stop himself from speaking. "But if you must know, it's great."

Y/N's hand tensed up in his, and she looked over at him, shock marinating in her eyes. To anyone else it would have looked like she was surprised he'd even bring it up, but he knew she was most likely more curious to know why he'd lied about it.

Their friends laughed regardless, Elle adding a curious and joking, "Care to elaborate?"

Ready to change the subject, Spencer shook his head. "Nope."

"Yeah, actually I think we're gonna head out early," Y/N added. Spencer was suddenly worried he'd made her upset, but she rubbed gentle circles into his hand that reassured him everything was okay.

He got out of the booth and Y/N followed, as their friends grumbled.

"Oh, come on, we didn't mean to embarrass you guys," Derek said.

"No, that's not it," Y/N said as she threw on a light jacket. "You just reminded me how much I'd like to operate with my boyfriend since I haven't seen him in a few days, so we're leaving. Have a good night."

Spencer felt searing heat rise to his cheeks as he turned around and ushered Y/N out the door, accompanied by low whistles and claps from their friends.

***

The two of them were sitting on the couch now, Y/N having just set down a couple classes of water.

"Sorry if you wanted to stay," she said quietly, playing with her thumbs. "You know we don't... actually have to operate if you don't want, obviously, I was just looking for something to say..."

"Oh, Y/N, I know. Don't worry about it. Really, I... I was the one who even brought it up, I should have just let you handle it."

She looked up at him with a small smile. "Why.. did you bring it up anyway?"

"Well, I... I guess I just felt embarrassed. And I know what we do together isn't any of their business, but I was just... I really was thinking about how much I love you, and when Morgan brought it up, I felt like I wasn't... living up? To your expectations? I don't..." He sighed, unsure how to properly articulate how he was feeling. "I don't know. I just thought about the last time we tried having sex, and I felt embarrassed about it, that's all."

"Oh, honey," Y/N cooed, scooting closer to him and bringing her hand up to brush some of the hair from his face. "You know, you... don't have anything to prove, right? I know how much you love me, and you don't need to be having sex with me to show me, I hope you know that."

Still, he couldn't bring himself to look at her face. "I do," he choked out, pulling at the hem of his shirt. "I'm... I'm sorry."

Y/N's tongue clicked, and she leaned into him, wrapping one of her arms around his neck and placing the other across his lap. She held him tight and kissed the side of his head. "Don't you ever be sorry, unless you cheat on me. Then there will be something to be sorry about."

He laughed at her joke, turning his head to brush his nose against hers. "I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, giving him the lightest of kisses on the lips.

When she pulled away, he leaned in again, kissing her a little harder, and she gladly reciprocated. With every passing second, all of his worries started to melt away like the snow to her sunshine. Within every kiss was an emanation of outpouring love and comfort that warmed his soul and gave him the confidence to try something bold.

His hands threaded through her hair as he drew her in closer, and instinctively, she climbed over his lap, resting her hands on his shoulders as he gently probed her mouth with his tongue. The sound of her sigh as she opened up to him and allowed him to fully explore her mouth with his made his stomach bubble and tense.

This would be about the time where he'd stop, telling Y/N that they should slow down, and she'd sweetly oblige and stay cuddled into his side as they drifted off to sleep.

But tonight he didn't want that.

Tonight he wanted more.

While one of his hands remained in her hair, gently massaging her scalp, the other snaked down to her lower back. He gently slid his fingers under the fabric of her shirt and pressed his palm flat against her, pulling her closer to him with a desperation that both shocked and excited her.

Deciding to test the waters, Y/N rolled her hips, feeling him jump slightly underneath her, followed by a whine that vibrated her mouth and sent a low hum of pressure through her stomach.

Still, she pulled away.

Well... She tried to.

When she pulled her face away from him, Spencer used the hand in her hair to bring her back, tilting his head in the other direction and continuing to kiss her with enough passion for the both of them. And it didn't help that the sound she made when he did it spurred him on. She whimpered loudly into his mouth, and the hand on her back involuntarily slid down to grab her ass.

"Hey," she managed to get out when he pulled away momentarily for air. "Hey, you don't... We don't have to really do this if you don't want. I—I don't want you to think that what happened earlier means we have to have sex."

"Y/N..." His hand gently kneaded her ass, and against her better judgement, she rolled her hips again, sighing out against his lips. "I don't want to put it off any longer... Really, I... I want to. I want to show you how much I love you."

She kissed him softly again, bringing both of her hands up to cradle his face. "You already do. Every day."

She was giving him an out, and Spencer appreciated it. But with the way his insides were practically melting away at her presence, he knew more than anything that this was what he wanted.

"I know," he said. "But if you don't mind, today I'd like to show you a little extra." And then he kissed her deeply again.

Her hands tightened on his face, right before they slid up and through his hair. She gently tugged at it, and he let out one of the most delicious sounds she'd ever heard. For future reference, she relished in that sound, in that feeling, and made a mental note to try it out some more when they got further along in their sexual path.

But tonight, she would let him call the shots. He was finally ready to try it again, and seeing how confident he grew in his touches and kisses when she submitted to him, it was the simplest decision.

So she remained on his lap until he made another move, encouraging him with whimpers and languid rolls of her hips against his. Her hands grew frenzied in his hair when he dipped his hand past the waistband of her jeans and underwear, sticking his fingers in only about a knuckle deep. The warmth of his hands against her bare skin sent shivers down her spine, which she let show by involuntarily grinding down on his lap.

Spencer groaned deeply more than whined this time, his grip on her hands gripping tighter to her backside. He forced himself to remove his mouth from hers long enough to breathe out, "Bedroom. Please."

As much as Y/N didn't want to get off of his lap, she knew that what waited for her in the bedroom would be worth the momentary loss of complete physical contact. So she peeled herself away from her boyfriend, grabbing him by the hand, and lead him to her bedroom.

Once the door was closed, he was on her again, caging her face between his large hands and capturing her lips in another heated kiss. They moved backwards until she hit her back against the door, and the second their movement stopped, Spencer used their standing position to press his full body weight into her, their legs tangling together.

Meanwhile, Y/N was trying to figure out where to put her hands. She wanted to brace them on his chest, but it was pressed tightly against hers. So they wandered over his back, but she couldn't decide whether to place them under his shirt or on his butt. Or maybe she wanted to grip his arms to feel the veins as they strained against his skin from holding her face. The possibilities were quite endless.

So endless that they were even surprising—Spencer noticed her wandering hands and promptly decided to place them where he wanted, which was apparently above her head. He removed his hands from her face and pinned her wrists to the door above her head, and she huffed a breath as he pulled away to speak.

"Is this okay? I wasn't too... too rough?"

The concern swimming in his lust-filled eyes drew a little whimper from her throat as she struggled to find the right words. But finally, she settled on, "That was so fucking hot..."

Relief flashed over his gaze right before he grinned. His fingers flexed against her wrists, and even though she couldn't see them, she could imagine how it looked. And it really was fucking hot.

Seeing the expression on her face, Spencer leaned forward again and kissed her one last time. Their lips moved together hungrily, dancing in perfect synchronization, the music being the frantic beating of their hearts.

And then he started to trail his kisses down her jaw and neck, keeping her hands firmly pinned to the door. Usually she was the one to explore his neck with her tongue and teeth, but this time he wanted to try it for himself. Mirroring what he'd felt her do to him hundreds of times over, he soaked in every single sound she made, from the little whimpers of pleasure to the soft, choked whispers of his name dancing over her lips. And when her hips canted forward, searching for any kind of friction, he decided to grant it to her.

As his kisses moved down along her collarbone, his hands gently slid down with him, over her arms and then down to the bottom of her shirt as he kneeled in front of her. He lifted the shirt slowly, each new inch of exposed skin being met with soft kisses until it reached her breasts. He reached up to palm them over her bra while he trailed his kisses downward again.

Even though she was wearing jeans, he pressed kisses to her legs anyway. She squirmed under his touch, and the feeling made his heart soar.

"Please, Spence," she huffed, bringing her hands down to lay overtop of his. She felt the tendons and veins in his hands as they squeezed her, and with everything she had, she tried not to beg him to use them in more interesting places. She wanted to let him take his time, to be a vessel for his exploration, but it was growing harder every second to be patient.

Thankfully he seemed to get what she was feeling, because his hands slid out from under her shirt and rested at her jeans. "Can I take these off?"

The fact that he even asked when she so clearly begged him to do it made her heart swell. "Please do," she chuckled, though it turned into a choked sigh when his fingers actually started undoing the button. And at the sound of her zipper going down, she could have come undone right there.

He pulled her jeans down slowly and helped her step out of them. And she thought maybe he'd take the next step and do the same with her underwear, but he opted to use his mouth instead.

With gentle kisses, he traced the hem of the fabric all the way to either side of her waist. And then he looked up at her with curious eyes and shifted his face, pressing his nose right up against where her clit would be. Her hands immediately went to his hair, but he grabbed her wrists again and laid them at her sides. "Do you want me to move this along?" His voice wasn't teasing as much as it was genuine curiosity.

Still, Y/N resisted the urge to tell him yes. "I—I want you to do whatever feels right. Tonight's... about you. What you want."

"Well, what I want is to make you feel good. So, again... Do you want me to move this along?"

Every time his lips moved, they brushed up against where she desperately wanted him. And it was killing her. So, she nodded vigorously. "Yes, please," she whispered.

And with that, Spencer released her hands and used his fingers to gently rub her over the fabric. The contact made her shiver visibly, and he took that as a good sign. So he wasted no more time and replaced his fingers with his tongue, fluttering his eyes closed at the taste of her. And he knew that once the thin fabric was gone it would be stronger, but even then he was thoroughly wrecked.

He kept lapping his tongue over her, feeling her panties get wetter with ever second, and he only finally removed them when she started grinding her hips closer to his face, desperate for more.

When he did finally bring his tongue to fully taste her for the first time, they both let out the filthiest sounds, months and months of build-up starting to come to a head. He tasted her like he would an ice cream cone, and for the first few moments his eyes remained closed, all his focus on this brand new sensation. But he wanted nothing more than to see her react to him. So he opened his eyes and continued his ministrations, pupils blowing wide at the sight of her above him.

She was panting, her mouth hung open and her tongue just barely peeking out over her bottom lip. Her eyes remained shut, though Spencer could tell she was struggling to open them. With a tentative flick of his tongue over her clit, he took notice of the little gasp she made, and he knew he'd found it. So he repeated his action, providing small kitten licks to her clit as she picked up her breathing and clenched her hands at her sides.

He picked up the pace then, taking note of every little thing that made her cry out or jump with pleasure until she was clutching his hair. He was sucking on her clit now, his middle finger gently sliding in and out of her when she spoke.

"Oh, fuck, keep doing that. I'm... I'm almost..."

He felt her tighten around his finger as she started careening off the edge, and he did his best to keep his eyes on her face, because it had practically been haunting him, wondering what it would be like to see her come undone at his mercy.

To say it was better than he could have ever dreamed was a severe understatement.

Y/N's head leaned back against the door, her chin jutted out so he could see the beautiful contours of her chin and neck. He saw her throat contract as she moaned out his name, saw her chest heave as she struggled to catch her breath, and best of all, he felt her flutter around his finger and mouth. And if that was high inducing, he couldn't wait to feel wat it would be like to replace them with something else.

The mere thought had him trembling.

He pulled back when she huffed out an over-stimulated, "Okay, please, please stop, oh..."

Though it could just as easily have been a painful sentiment, the hungry, dazed look in her eye suggested otherwise.

Spencer stood up and brought his finger to his mouth, still caught up in her taste before she ripped his wrist away and kissed him, threading her fingers through his hair and moaning into his mouth.

Before he could get lost in it, though, she pulled away and nodded. "Okay. I think you're wearing too many clothes."

He tilted his head down in a little flush, and with the help of Y/N, his shirt peeled away from his body and joined her pants and underwear on the floor.

Y/N mirrored his actions, kissing gently down his jaw, neck, and then down his torso. Her hands wandered his bare back as she sunk to her knees. But when her hands moved to his belt, he stopped her.

"W—wait."

She peeled her hands away and looked up at him. "Are you okay? Do you want to slow down?"

He visibly swallowed, and she could read that look on his face that he got whenever he was embarrassed to tell her something. "N—no, I... I want... the opposite, actually."

"I don't follow..."

"Well, I know that... if you return the favor, I won't last very long, a—and I... I don't want to wait anymore."

Y/N smiled, standing again and bringing her hands to rest on his shoulders. "So you're saying you... want me to move this along?"

Spencer smiled at her recollection of his words. "Yes, please."

They travelled to the bed then, Y/N taking off her shirt and bra when they got there, and leaving her completely bare to him. She sat down and reached for his belt, looking up at him as he stood.

"I'm clean and on birth control, do you still want to use a condom? I have some in my table drawer."

He thought about it for a moment before shaking his head. "As long as you're sure."

Y/N undid his belt quickly and threw it to the side, making work of his button and zipper with a smile. "Oh I'm so sure..."

The way she said it made his dick twitch, images running through his mind of how it would look seeing her filled and dripping with—

Her hand was palming him through his underwear now, and it was all he could think about. He had already been hard before, but now it was tilting on the precipice of painful pleasure. So he stopped her, taking a deep breath.

"Lay down?"

"However you want me," Y/N answered, positioning herself on the bed so she was leaning back, her head nicely laid out on the pillows.

Spencer swallowed and removed his underwear before climbing on the bed and kneeling over her. Her legs were already wide, feet flat on either side of him as he positioned himself and got ready.

She reached out and gently grabbed his forearm, a gentle smile on her face. "You ready?"

"Mhm," he answered with a curt nod, bringing himself forward to run the head of his dick through her wetness. They both sighed at the feeling, and Spencer knew he was in trouble.

It was finally happening, he was getting another chance to have sex with her, and if he didn't last long again, he was going to—

"I love you," Y/N said reassuringly, rubbing circles into the hand that rested on the inside of her thigh.

He looked into her eyes and saw that love radiating from them. It warmed his insides and gave him the confidence he needed to finally, slowly push into her as he whispered, "I love you, too."

Once he was fully sheathed inside her, he let out a large breath, leaning down to brace his arms on either side of her head. The pressure of her clenched around him was overwhelming in the best way possible, and he never wanted to move.

But he had to.

She stroked his hair, pressing soft kisses all over his face, and whispered, "I love you."

With those three words, Spencer had the courage to pull back and then forward again, testing the waters and more accurately, his limits. He picked up a slow pace that burned him from the inside out, every muscle and vein in his body on fire with the knowledge that he was finally, properly making love to the woman he was pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

But he was holding back. Y/N could tell. He glided through her with ease, sure, but his eyes were squeezed shut like he was concentrating, like he was pacing himself and trying to hold on to this feeling.

She moved her hands down to his back and lightly ran her fingernails over the skin, feeling him tremble under her touch.

"You feel so good, Spence," she whispered. "So perfect for me..."

The words made his hips stutter just a little, and Y/N knew then what the hesitation was.

He wanted to go faster.

So she moved her fingers lower, cupping his ass and scratching featherlight circles into the skin as she moaned. "You like when I talk to you, baby? Does hearing my voice help you out?"

Spencer choked out a groan as he opened his eyes and saw how feral she looked. Her pupils were blown wide, her mouth was pouted cutely, and she smiled as soon as she saw him bite his lip.

"You wanna go faster?" she cooed, digging her fingernails a little harder into the flesh of his ass. "Hmm?"

"F—fuck, Y/N... I..."

"You fuck me however you need to, baby. Don't hold back. Just let it all out."

He groaned out then, his hips picking up speed. She felt the relief and the tension rolling off his body as he finally gave into his urges, and it was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever witnessed.

"That's it, baby... Don't stop... Give it to me, let me feel you..."

He leaned down and kissed her then, pumping into her harder and harder with every second. She moaned out against his mouth, swallowing all his breaths and grunts. Meanwhile her fingers gripped his ass harder, relishing in the feeling of his muscles as they aided in fucking her.

His mouth pulled away as he shoved his face into her neck, and she sighed. "You're doing so good, baby. Fuck... " His hips kept moving, and she clenched around him hard, hoping to gauge his reaction.

Sure enough, he groaned against her neck and canted his hips harder. Every thrust forward now was so deep he hit her g-spot, and the sensation made her sigh with a smile. "That's fucking right, baby... Just like that, don't stop, don't stop. You fe—el so... ohhh."

Her words lit this fire in him that was impossible to put out. His body was hers for the taking, and so he'd give her everything he had. Which is why he picked up the pace and fucked into her as hard as he could, dangerously close to finishing.

"Fuck, Spence, I'm gonna... —na..."

Y/n's moans turned into a quiet scream as she came, clenching tightly around his dick and digging her fingernails into his ass. Her eyes squeezed shut with the swirling patterns of fireworks exploding behind them, meanwhile he twitched inside of her and lost it at last. As she came down, she helped him hold himself there, deep inside her as his cum spilled over in warm increments. They both moaned out at the feeling, all their tension easing and dissipating.

By the end, all that was left between the both of them was a thin sheen of sweat and murmured promises of "I love you."

They could have fallen asleep right there. Y/N's hands slid up his backside, over his arms, and then to the back of his head, combing gently through his disheveled hair as he pressed loving kisses to the patch of skin where her neck met her collarbone. He was still inside her, unwilling to leave the warmth she provided, and she did nothing to object.

"How are you feeling?" she finally asked, opening her eyes.

Spencer tilted his head up to look at her, his heart once again swelling at the adoring look in her eyes. "I'm great."

She laughed, and he laughed with her. And they were silent for a few moments before he spoke again.

"So, uh... What we just did is what we're counting as our real first time together, right? Like, the other time doesn't count?"

Y/N laughed again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "If you want to count this as our first time, then yes. I'd be more than happy to agree with you."

"Good. This was much better."

Even though she would never hold their first first time together against him, she was inclined to agree.

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[spacedlexi]

What are your thoughts on Clem getting a new girlfriend in the graphic novel?

dont talk to me about the comic it doesnt exist

but to honestly answer your question: it pisses me off. for a few reasons:

violet is SUCH a perfectly written match for clem that i cant see either of them with anyone else. i didnt think the writers would Ever be able to write a good love interest for clem esp after s3 but im not kidding when i say violet and her are a perfectly written match. violet is very similar to s3 clem with her trust and abandonment issues, the angry loner who cares but pretends not to to protect themselves from the grief of loss/pain of being left behind, and so they put up walls and push people away. theyre both natural leaders who never wanted that position. loyal. fiercely protective. where javi helped clem learn to trust people again in s3, clem helps violet learn to trust people again in s4. clementine can see herself in violet (the "i know where youre coming from" line), and they help each other. which leads into my second problem with the new comic romance

violet has SEVERE trust and abandonment issues (even more than the other kids who all by default pretty much have trust and abandonment issues), which is obvious even without letting her get taken by the raiders (and is only made that much worse if you do). i cant imagine what it will do to her emotionally to wake up and realize clem is GONE without even SAYING GOODBYE. thats gonna hurt her so bad regardless if you romanced her or not. like clem is their leader now and shes just...leaving?? without telling anyone?? EVEN AJ???? HER ADOPTIVE CHILD??? fuck this stupid ass comic it is SO OUT OF CHARACTER for clem for like a million reasons. like skybound/tillie are saying theyre excited to focus on clems sexuality (which :/) but like to do it theyre really damaging representation that was already THERE and GOOD.

like way to just rip away really nice wlw representation just so you dont have to worry about determinant choices. (violentine is my favorite wlw rep in media theyre just......so nice. so cute but like so natural?? they are so in love and the writing just feels like it really came from the heart like the writers really cared abt their relationship even if it WAS a little rushed but like s4 was rushed in general) every scene they have together just makes me 😳😭😭🥺💕💕💕 no matter how many times i see it

another reason it pisses me off is that like everything else about this comic feels like a cheap rip off of s4!!! like theyre just sweeping s4 under the rug (which imo is the best season) just to rehash it again but BADLY. apparently theres gonna be "evil twins" now theyre REALLY going all in on the s4 rip off

ALSO i just love violet!!! shes a GREAT character. shes funny and mean but meaner than she intends to be. thinks shes not great with people but is a great leader. cares so much even though she pretends not to because shes afraid of being hurt. so she puts up walls to keep people away and it ties into her coming off harsher than she means to, but also longs for connection. also shes better with people than she gives herself credit for esp her interactions with aj so cute. LESBIAN!! got a bit of a gnc thing goin on i love it. her little rainbow pin and untied boots with different colored laces. her voice gideon i love your voice So Much 😳💕

s4 was the perfect end for clementine, and the writers of the last season INTENDED for that to be her ENDING. thats where she spends the rest of her days, surrounded by her found family who love her, safe at the school. shes DONE RUNNING she literally hung up her hat like shes DONE. she NEVER wanted to be on the road shes always longed for a place to be safe with aj and she has it she would never leave.

so yeah this comic is not canon in my eyes and apparently for a lot of other people as well. im just trying to pretend it doesnt exist i wish people would tag it because i want to block it. im glad not many people are even gonna be aware of its existence i wish i was one of them. let me eternal sunshine this shit away please erase it from my mind.

they didnt even draw clems peg on the right side :///// theyre making her grow her hair out :/// fuck off