gently placing miguel o'hara under a microscope and seeing a tangled mess of trauma, depression, grief, perfectionism, guilt and catholic guilt
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"im a waaste of oxygen.." Harley you are literally friends eith the therapist go talk to him holy fuck
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My last post about bloodweave was pretty negative (though necessarily so imo) so I wanted to talk about the little things about the bloodweave dynamic that I DO like and want to see more of in fic (under the cut).
- the orb means Astarion can't start their relationship transactionally. Gale can't give Astarion blood, and also can't have sex with him (and presumably would refuse casual sex anyway). How would the relationship develop without Astarion being able to rely on the give-and-take, forced instead to just trust Gale will watch his back? Astarion isn't a plans guy, I imagine having to come up with something on the spot (considering none of the other companions are reeaaaally an option either) would lead to a lot more emotional vulnerability as he tries to take a route he has much less experience with. Not to mention that the flirty and standoffish front isn't exactly going to endear him to Gale, who approves of the capable, loyal, and righteous. How long can Astarion pretend to be invested in Gale's wellbeing before it becomes true?
- they both have bad ascension endings, but different natural outcomes. Gale is considered the more morally upstanding one, but in their solo states (without the player's influence) Gale will go through with ascension and Astarion won't. Would they goad each other on? Gale disapproves of Astarion's ascension, using arguments that could apply to himself about the personal sacrifice and loss of the soul. Would Astarion flip them around, become defensive? Their dynamic could mean the power hungry character ending up discouraging the pursuit of godhood, or the two of them hurtling over the edge together. Or, maybe, Astarion encouraging Gale to ascend and having to trust him to return.
- they're the party members with the most life experience, and they're also both pretty well-educated (even if Astarion's law qualifications may well have expired by the events of the game). He spent his time under Cazador sewing (like Gale in his Baldur's Gate epilogue) and learning languages (of which Gale knows four). They have enduring common interests beyond their circumstances. Gale can help Astarion rediscover the latent nerd potential he lost when he died, and lord knows he would love to pick his brain for a first hand account of the mid-to-late 12th century.
- Astarion recently regained hope for his future when the tadpole freed him, Gale recently lost all of it. While act 1 is a continuous series of positive discoveries for Astarion (tadpole frees him from cazador -> ceremorphosis is held off by the dream visitor -> tadpole can be controlled), Gale's life gets worse with time as his treatment stops working. It's a dynamic that could give Gale hope, force Astarion to practise empathy, or put them completely at odds.
- Astarion's all-encompassing desire to reclaim his life could be inspiring to Gale. Moreover, I imagine seeing just how passive Gale is about his death would infuriate him. To have so little regard for his real, mortal, free life? It's a great source of angst, and also a great starting point for Gale to start wanting to live again. Because after learning about Astarion's past he would agree, he'd recognise how much value a mortal life was supposed to have. He'd think himself ungrateful or impolite for entertaining the idea of throwing it away when Astarion would give anything to have what he had. This would lead to guilt, and potentially self-loathing, unless someone was there to help pick up the pieces.
- If Astarion meets Oblodra before Gale's act 2 romance scene, (or for a fanfic plot, just before Gale is confident enough to confess) they most likely won't have sex until the graveyard scene in late act 3 (or the post-ascension equivalent). It means that rather than the fuckfest we so often see from bloodweave fics, the relationship is almost entirely a slow-burning, emotionally intimate affair. I'd really love to see that play out, the progression from semi-horny yearning on both parts as the orb keeps them apart, to two love confessions that are followed by the both of them experiencing non-sexual intimacy for the first time in years. I doubt Mystra was one to hug her chosen, after all, or hold their hands.
I just love a bg3 ship that forces the characters to take different actions than they do in canon. It makes me feel like I'm developing a broader understanding of the characters, you know?
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i have come up with a new, extremely self indulgent AU for tfrb:
basically what happens is each individual character in tfp accidentally finds out about the rescue bots, whether it's through a ground bridge mishap, an intel scouting mission, even a situation where they get rescued.
this starts out with mostly autobots, because i assume griffin rock is either in autobot territory or a neutral/unclaimed area (or it's off the grid and nobody knows about it) (i think the last one is the funniest), but the decepticons also learn about them eventually.
now. here's where the funny/self indulgent part begins. none of them know anyone else knows. the autobots AND decepticons all assume they're the only one who knows about these bots, and that the team has been trying to live a normal, calm life away from the war.
team prime doesn't know optimus and bumblebee already know, and the decepticons don't know that these guys have connections to the war. and of course, the rescue bots always manage to worm their way into every. single. bot's. spark. all of them individually grow to care about the rescue bots, and independently decide to keep them secret. nobody wants their new friends to get hurt!
anyways shenanigans of course ensue because it's very hard to keep a previously extinct group a secret from all of your friends, and since everybody knows but doesn't know everybody knows it becomes a lot of ridiculous sneaking around and badly lying to everyone.
the rescue bots are SUPER confused by all these bots who keep showing up, but they pretty much just assume that someone spilled their secret and everyone after are all showing up to meet them. eventually i think they would start to figure everything out, but they don't fully comprehend that everyone has been trying to hide them from each other until some big reveal happens.
the way this pans out is probably the end of the war honestly, because again; no one wants these guys to get hurt, physically or emotionally, and if that means having a ceasefire so be it.
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I am so excited for what the anime onlys are gonna do once they get their hands on mithrun like that bishounen is hand crafted angst bait woven of the finest trauma and misery known to man and comes ready-to-install into your favorite h/c scenarios please my brothers run wild
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Mxtx was so sexy for having shen qingqiu experience the shen jiu flashbacks and still deciding to dislike him. Don't get me wrong I eat up all those awesome fanfics and headcannons of them having some sort of positive relationship like it's breadsticks, but sy!shen qingqiu's canon perception of shen jiu is just so juicy!
Like, you die, you die cursing and screaming some trashfire novel but wake up in your least favorite character's body. But he's not a character anymore, you eventually find out and accept that you and everyone around you is real. This body is real and so was the person who had it before. This body was theirs but now its yours. This body has done real horrendous things to real people that you care about. Some omnipotent system inside you is encouraging and coercing you into doing similar horrendous acts this body would have done, what it used to do. This body is not yours but now it is and now you have to live with it knowing you have to act out this body's role. Hurt your loved ones, distance yourself from your comrades, die a painful death. That is what this body was meant for, this was the original owner's fate, live with it. You are now one of the only people in the whole world that intimately knows how that man was the way he was and why he did the things he did. But that does not make it better, you feel pity, some sort of regret for how things could have been, but you cant forgive and forget because you hate him. You hate the character who turned out to be a man. You hate the man that used to own this body. You hate this body that's yours but not really yours. You hate your role, this narrative, this world, your future circumstances. Your actions of self preservation that have caused great harm. And ultimately, you hate yourself.
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THE BROTHERS PAOLO AND VITELLOZZO VITELLI
man. the fucking. cycles of violence going on here. war, condottieri brothers, the execution of paolo vitelli (but the on the matter of guilt: questionable! no proof besides the absence of potential violence, but what conspiracy-betrayal wants to leave behind proof? torture and execute him anyway. maybe machiavelli has a point! unfortunately you left a surviving brother), the congiura della magione, all of it coming together at the strage di senigallia. just blood and gore and war all the way down, never stopping for a breather, already on to it's next battlefield. also malaria is there!
in other news! it turns out if you want to draw a comic about the strage di senigallia, you have to figure out designs for all the people in the room, but if you draw vitellozzo, you also have to draw his brother because he's like. there. in a dead way. something something vitellozzo's desire to avenge his brother manifesting in his desire to brutalize florence for their role in his brother's death.
that said, I did not want to draw military armor for an illustration that was partially designed to test out some splatter brushes. in the future though….I will have to revisit that visual…..
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