#i was gonna draw little portraits but im gay

[transboykirito]

if the squad got drunk and got tattoos, what would they be and where (i have one braincell rn im so sorry skdjakssj)

KLEIN GETS A TRAMP STAMP

okay but i'm gonna answer like. stupid drunk tattoos + actual tattoos i like for them because Thoughts

kazuto's drunk tattoo would be a lightsaber honestly. or one of his swords (twinning). for a sober tattoo i literally just said this to you in dms xD i think he'd get a little design for the girls, maybe with something yui had drawn. like, a picture of the yui's heart object and their initials. i could also see him doing something rose-related, for obvious reasons

isn't asuna like canonically petrified of needles?? so if she got one it wouldn't be a big one, also i can't see her with tattoos tbh. i think if she was drunk, like, entirely too drunk, she might get kazuto's initial (my friend has chimed in that she might get kirigaya somewhere near her heart and i like that idea)

sugu... hm. drunk, it would be a full back piece photorealism portrait of legolas holding a gay pride flag and smoking a pipe that has rainbow glittery smoke coming out of it. seriously, i could see her with a little bird or butterfly.

lis i can actually see having a few small tattoos, so. maybe her drunk tattoo would be like a little stick and poke cat on her leg. not-drunk, i can see her doing just small little ones here and there. like, a little hammer somewhere, a cartoon baby dragon, some flowers, etc. also she would SO ask her friends to draw little doodles for her.

klein drunkenly gets a tramp stamp end of discussion. honestly it's so self-indulgent but i wanna see him with like, a nerd tattoo. and by that i mean i want him with natsu's guild mark.

agil... drunk, maybe he gets like, an eagle or a dragon or a car or something cool looking? regularly though i have a headcanon he has his wife's name tattooed on his heart with the coordinates of their first date lol

sinon again i can't ever see her with tattoos. maybe if she was drunk she'd get like, something mythology related, or maybe she'd get hecate somewhere hidden??

silica is Baby but if she was drunk lis would probably try to convince her to get a matching cat tattoo xD otherwise i can see her letting the others give her fake tattoos

i know he isn't part of the squad but eugeo would get a little blue rose tattoo and in my heart that is canon. also midori has her children's names tattooed on her arm.

[lyypeachu]

hello im lyy and welcome to my dl2 self-insert/sona (gay) ted talk (lots of images)

hes so gay and creature coded. normally lives in elyseum but ever since theres been a shortage of workers in carnagehall (coughs astrid what the hell) he basically sleeps there (OKAY SO you know the art room in carnage hall with all the posters, big easel and ad sketches?? yeah theres another door in there so im gonna assume its open and thats where martin made his little nook)

hes also friends with adisa! (yknow. the poor drunk portrait guy. yeah i made him my oc atp)

look at him. WHAT A BEAN.

i also plan on giving him an infected cat or sth. to keep him company (mainly bc i have a cat irl and he follows me everywhere) 

pet him!

youre a sentient infected visiting carnage hall at night:

whenever galla starts saying some insane shit and acting like its normal:

hes a guy. just a dude! hates going outside but is also scared of the dark. nonbinary lesbian SLAYYYYY . hes  tormented by everyone and everything my guy just wants to sleep. also is shit at realizing his own feelings for certain someone. teddy bears!!! he loves them.  someone who was important to him gave him one when martin was a kid, i wonder where he is now?

he also got W rizz

hes so failguy.

aand this is mainly the reason why i didnt draw any dl2 fanart LOL. thank you the tower server for making me more confident to post this shit here

[eveningdove]

Left: Self-Portrait November 2022      Right: Self-Portrait April 2017

A love letter to myself

On a whim I went back through everything I had tagged ‘art’ on this blog and was filled a unique feeling of love for my younger self and everything they drew and accomplished. I tagged a lot of things as being crappy, but i would also go back and appreciate any detail i made that i loved, and all of it made me kind of emotional lol. I really made art for everything and it was frankly delightful to see me make art of people I had crushes on, of myself asking “fuckbois” if they had a death wish for touching me, and the little drawing i made of how i felt realizing i wasn’t straight. I know my younger self would be floored to see that not only am i a gay space scientist, but also that im a phenomenal artist who finally figured out that sort-of-painting shading they kept trying to do.

I think this is what is actually gonna get me to start posting my art on tumblr again. I want to be able to do this again many years down the road and see all the things i enjoyed drawing. I have a few ocs and a dnd pc i care deeply about and make just a fuck ton of art for, so tbh tumblr will be a great place to show them off to any remaining mutuals from times long past and also my future self haha.

[theflowersofdoom]

gonna talk about my spooky side account lore bc its unabashedly my favorite

sam and his sibling max lost their parents to to the bringer when they were really young. they were freed from terror mountain when the hannah thing went down. sam had trouble adjusting and stayed in terror mountain for awhile while max eagerly went out into world. the two kept in constant contact, until max suddenly stopped replying after he traveled to the haunted woods. sam decided to leave for the haunted woods to look for his sibling, and had a pretty terrifying time of it until he met lonnie

lonnie is a ne’er-do-well grave robber squatting in an abandoned house in the middle of the haunted woods. he found a very afraid and confused sam stumbling around and took him in with the intention of using him to help in illegal activities. sam, being cut off form the world for 10000 yrs and being generally too trusting, enthusiastically goes along with him. the two run around causing trouble and eventually lonnie finds himself actually CARING about this  sweet bori

paix was born to a terrestrial aisha and alien aisha couple and was raised exclusively on the virupets space station. her childhood had a backdrop of constant and oppressive paranoia of sloth. her family had several connections with the resistance and as a result knew several ppl who either disappeared or were seriously negatively effected by the sloth empire. she even lived through the sloth takeover of virtupets, which while thankfully was relatively uneventful on the part of the station her family lived in, it was still pretty terrifying for 10-or-smth yr old. while all this died down when paix grow up to adult, her parents were still very protective, not allowing paix or her little sister to travel unsupervised and helicoptered pretty bad. paix prided her self in being very level headed, but then one of her only friends disappeared while tracking down a sloth aligned organization and is presumed dead, paix is absolutely devastated, and in the months following his disappearance she quietly takes a small, former resistance ship from a family friend. she intended on flying it to neo central and parking it somewhere visible where the authorities would find it and return it with her apology note sitting in the seat of the cockpit, meanwhile shes in faerieland or mystery island, she doesnt know where just anywhere she’ll figure it out when she gets there. 

what ACTUALLY happened was a little more dramatic than she intended

paix initially and rightfully doesnt trust lonnie much, but he IS nice enough to let her stay at his house after she  crashed into his back yard  (is this even his house? i looks like its been run down for a while). sam was amazed in meeting a real alien and paix liked him well enough, hes a very kind guy, but still the whole situation was suspect

she probably wouldnt have stayed for long if lonnie hadnt up and died on them

paix suspected murder, from what sam says lonnie wasnt the most liked person around, but its not like theres any laws this is the haunted woods. as far as sam knows lonnie doesnt have any family, he thinks once there was a sister mentioned but he didnt even get a first name. the only family sam had left was a missing sibling he had been trying to find for a year now. so paix helps sam bury him in the back yard

paix takes on a lot of the responsibilities, like get food and telling people that lonnie is in fact dead, he wont be bothering you anymore. she even starts helping sam in his attempts to track down his sibling (shes not super optimistic but its not like shes going to tell sam that). 

at first paix thinks that sam is just very, VERY upset. he hasnt been very tired and acting a little strange, but his friend just died in front of him, its not like she has any room to judge. but as time goes on, things seem increasingly off. theres breif moments where sam seems to be his old self, but more and more he seems confused. paix finds him standing in the middle of the hall, staring at the wall. theres times where sam doesnt remember where hes been or what he was doing just moments ago. paix goes to the attic to get sam, finding no one, only to remember that sam is asleep in the in the living room, and when she goes back down staris of course hes still there, passed out on the couch like he has been all day, why was she so sure there was someone in the attic

when it becomes clear that lonnies been possessing sam, paix has a weird mix of terror and relief, though its drowned out by how PISSED she is at lonnie. she yells at him in portuguese for WHILE before he explains that he really wasnt trying to hurt sam or steal his body or anything else paix is accusing him of, hes been trapped in the ghost zone since he died and nothing he did could get their attention (he had gotten SO CLOSE with paix, she seemed to almost hear him. paix remembers all the times she felt she was being watch or heard someone screaming and just shrugged it off as a side effect of the haunted woods) 

paix could absolutely kill him AGAIN when he goes on to explain that hes now stuck in sams body. she begrudgingly agrees to help lonnie not be stuck, using a ritual from one of the weird creepy books littered around the house. it works and paix is incredibly relieved to find that sam is alright, but then immediately un-relieved to feel someone standing behind her and turned around to find lonnies spooky ghost standing there, menacingly 

the tension was immediately broken as sam  scrambled up screaming YOURE ALIVE and attempting to tackle-hug lonnie only to go through him and crash into the wall

and after paix gives lonnie a peice of her mind and lonnie profusely apologizes to both her and sam, things fall back into normality. paix and sam have found ways to make a living without doing anything illegal. lonnie is somewhat weirder as a ghost, hes taken a liking to scaring the heck out of ppl and is back to being a menace, but he seems to be more sincere with sam and paix at least 

zaf generally doesnt like photos, meko probably caught them by surprise 

zaf was a unfortunate victim of one of the many sloth-aligned splinter groups, and while they have made an amazing recovery, they remember nothing before waking up in the hospital. they were told that they had been kidnapped and eventually were found and taken in by authorities before being treated and successfully reverted to the physiology of an average mutant kacheek. zaf knows theres more to the story that authorities and their friends arent telling them, and has vague memories, but zaf isnt sure if they want to remember them. they were told by their friends that they had been a zafara before, that they were kind and generous and everyone was devastated when they went missing. zaf, surrounded by people that they cant remember, felt incredibly guilty. they hear stories about themself that they cant remember or even relate to. they ask for descriptions of themself that dont feel like them, least not anymore. zaf looks at pictures of this person that doesnt even look like them, and they cant help but feel like that person isnt here anymore.

zaf distances themself and eventually leaves neo central, taking a job at a hotel in the haunted woods. they have trouble finding a place to stay, and on their way to look at yet another apartment, they mistakenly knock on the door of a spotted bori who has THE friendliest face theyve seen since they moved to the woods

the two talk until its dark out and sam insists they stay the night bc its not safe to be out are you kidding me its the haunted woods. paix, given her past, is suspicious before zaf mentions what happened to them and she straight up offers for them to stay indefinitely (good thing too bc sam was pretty confident the place they had been on their way to see was a scheme to murder people, which seemed way more alarming to zaf than it did sam)

it takes 3 days for zaf to meet lonnie bc hes busy being an ass, slamming doors and leaving creepy messages in the mirror, culminating into jump-scaring zaf in the hallway at 3 in the morning. paix had tried to warn them but its still a spooky ghost in your apartment. sam mentioned that lonnies body was buried in the back yard and zaf looked like they were about to cry. just two sweet kids living in a dilapidated old house thats haunted by their dead friend, whose body they had bury in the back

zaf seems to be the only one concerned about the skulls in the living room, and the strange books, all of which, at least the ones zaf can make sense of, contain what appears to be spells. they mentioned where they lived to their boss and some coworkers and all hell broke loose and zaf had to leave the premises. paix apologized and said that lonnie had a reputation with the hotel staff and it kind of extended to everyone esle in the house. lonnie zipped through the ceiling and stated that they had ALWAYS had it out for him even BEFORE he stole that golf cart and the two start up another argument and the initial point is lost. 

but even months afterward, zaf cant forget the the moment of panic in their former boss’s eyes when they mentioned the house

mini is a witch living in the woods. sam and the gang think shes their neighbor, but no one is really sure where she lives. she comes by the house every now and then. sam, paix, and zaf have invited her in but always stated that she cant come in. has started to come around more frequently after zaf showed her one of the book they had found, wondering if she could make any sense of it. usually cryptic mini straight up said it was incredibly dangerous in the wrong hands. the two have since working through the books to see if any of more of them had spell theorems that could ‘potentially warp the fabric of reality’ as mini had put it

[dolokhoded]

javid headcanons would be super cool if ur up for that 👉👈

YES JAVID full disclosure i used to not get this dynamic at a l l but my friend loved it and it slowly grew on me and now i just uGHHH THEM

imma do high school au because i was talking abt that with said friend a couple days ago,,

AIGHT,,

JACK AND DAVEY

davey transferred to jack's school in their junior year

(along with sarah obviously but this ain't about her)

and they started out,,,,,,,,,,,,, they certainly started out :)))

they were these two kids that would always fight in history class and im rlly pissed that not all of your schools do philosophy in america bc they do here and having experienced these lessons these two would THROW HANDS during philosophy

it gets like pretty intense, they don't like,,,,, punch each other or anything but they'll like get up from their seats and everything and because this isn't the real world the teacher's just like 'hm yea discussion im not gonna stop this :)'

and they're convinced that the other hates them just bc they happened to have a history class together

so they're kind of at each other's throats at first

of course they're also kinda pushed together because al and sarah are rlly close

(i'll get more into this POWER FRIENDSHIP some other time)

and most of the guys take a liking to davey so they have to be near each other sometimes

and thEN,,,,,,

jack had taken part in this portrait competition because he loved to draw portraits it was basically all he did and at the LAST MINUTE just as he was about to sit down and start painting he was just,,,,, so out of inspiration

and he was so pissed

so he cried a little and then he just kinda let himself go and,,,,, just kinda vibe with it, let his mind help him through it

and you KNOW this bitch drew davey without even REALIZING

he's like ",,,,,,,oh no" because that's also kinda the moment he realizes he has the gay for him........ but he also has to submit something in the next like three hours and to be frank it's looking pretty amazing

so he just,,, goes ahead and submits his accidental davey portrait

and it wins first place

and obviously since it won first place davey kinda notices and he's all like

"you,,,,,,,,,,,, you drew me?"

"shit, i didn't mean to, i know this might be creepy, look, i'm sorry about it-”

“no i mean- it's actually kinda sweet”

and davey didn't stop talking about it for like a month

sarah was like oh my god would you SHUT UP

WE GET IT YOU'RE GAY

and davey has like a moment where he's like ",,,, wait im gay?"

"i mean, i know im gay, but like,,,,,,, im jack gay?"

sarah needs a break she can't deal with this she calls albert to bring her weed

and davey panics for a moment and then absolutely loses his shit and he sprints to jack's house

this is at ONE IN THE MORNING

and jack just opens the window and he's not sure if he's high on paint fumes and having hallucinations because davey's just yelling

"JACK!!!!!!! IM GAY!!!!!!!!!"

and jack's like

"i.........havent we been over this?"

but davey's just like "NO JACK,,,"

"I'M GAY." intense gesturing between them

",,,,,,,,oH, YOU'RE- YOU'RE LIKE ME GAY?"

(side note that crutchie, race, romeo and jack are medda's adopted sons in this so the other three are just like standing outside the door like "is jack literally having a stroke should we check on him?")

they kith

by some miracle it doesn't take them a billion years of miscommunication until they start dating

and like everyone saw it coming but they're also kinda like what the fuck

this happened when

although davey loves all his friends and his boyfriend,,,,,,,,,,,, he doesn't want them breaking his perfectly normal siblings

he will NOT allow jack alone with les anymore because the moment davey's gone he proceeds to teach this INNOCENT KID some QUESTIONABLE stuff

knowledge that he should NOT HAVE

one of jack's favorite davey moments is when he got a voice message from him at three in the morning being just like

"jack tell your twink brother to come collect that dumbass ginger he's encouraging my sister to shave her head.”

he laughed at that for ten minutes

we woke up race just to inform him that not only had davey just used the word 'twink' but he did it to refer to him

davey actually likes albert and doesn't really care if sarah shaved her head he just wanted them to shut the fuck up so he could sleep

jack is literally the definition of "aw babe you had a crush on me? that's embarrassing"

he's lucky davey loves him otherwise he would be so done with his crap

[tempestaurora]

Favourite poem has to be the Old Astronomer to His Pupil by Sarah Williams. I’m a deeply anxious person and I don’t think a lot of people in my life realize that, when I feel like a panic or spiraling it centers me.

uh hello??????

I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night

god im gonna get that tattooed on my FOREHEAD

had a very interesting little dive into this, especially as the version i read was the anthology version with four stanzas, but it originally had ten.

I must say Good-bye, my pupil, for I cannot longer speak; Draw the curtain back for Venus, ere my vision grows too weak: It is strange the pearly planet should look red as fiery Mars,— God will mercifully guide me on my way amongst the stars.

uh hello?????? outstANDING?????

so this poem came from 1868 so i do not feel bad returning the poetry favour with some poems from all over the place. these are some of the poems that calm me when i'm feeling anxious!! (all transcripts under the cut)

1938: William Carlos Williams, This Is Just To Say

1960: Frank O'Hara, Having a Coke with You

1951: Dylan Thomas, Do not go gentle into that good night

2017: Laura Gilpin, Two-Headed Calf

This Is Just To Say, William Carlos Williams

I have eaten

the plums

that were in

the icebox

and which

you were probably

saving

for breakfast

Forgive me

they were delicious

so sweet

and so cold

Having a Coke with You, Frank O'Hara

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary it is hard to believe when I’m with you that there can be anything as still as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it in the warm New York 4 o’clock light we are drifting back and forth between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them                                                                                                               I look at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it’s in the Frick which thank heavens you haven’t gone to yet so we can go together for the first time and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn’t pick the rider as carefully as the horse                                it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I’m telling you about it

Do not go gentle into that good night, Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Two-Headed Calf, Laura Gilpin

Tomorrow when the farm boys find this

freak of nature, they will wrap his body

in newspaper and carry him to the museum.

But tonight he is alive and in the north

field with his mother. It is a perfect

summer evening: the moon rising over

the orchard, the wind in the grass. And

as he stares into the sky, there are

twice as many stars as usual.

[pumpkinpaix]

老师好！Thank you for writing! i found you through your MDZS story and i really adore your insightful writings about the show. In my opinion, i even think the show is better than the novel in their presentation of WX relationship ~ ! it feels more natural and less pandering. Another essay suggestion for you if you want to write --- In the show, who do you think fell in love first in WX? When were the "turning points" when they realized?

sldjfslikl first of all anon, it’s WILD that anyone would address me as 老师 and i’m simultaneously flattered and gobsmacked. (i’m really really really not qualified to be called 老师 friend—thank you, like, a lot?? but yeah, i gotta say i’m not that cool) thank you for reading my fic and liking it and apparently my one meta enough to come talk to me!! also, SORRY this took approximately a million years i’ve been working on it on/off for like. two weeks. (@the other anon who also requested meta—pls forgive me im really doing my best apparently these take a lot out of me)

confession: I wrote a WHOLE ADDITIONAL essay in response to your opinion about show vs. novel that i ultimately decided to cut because it flies a little too close to the discourse sun and you didn’t ask for that hahaha. if it turns out you are interested in it, feel free to hmu and i can post it (though i’ll probably try to keep it out of the tags for my own mental health’s sake im not cut out for this lmao)

that all being said, who do I think fell in love first? it was definitely lan wangji, and it was right here:

[id: screenshot of lan wangji watching wei wuxian making a wish to “protect the weak and curb the strong, with a clear conscience for all my life” from episode 7 of the untamed drama. wei wuxian’s eyes are closed, his hands clasped. lan wangji looks on with a surprised tenderness. /end id]

I think it’s safe to say that he already finds wei wuxian attractive/intriguing (see: his reaction to wei wuxian drawing his portrait, tying the lan ribbon around their wrists, the PEAK gay panic in his voice when wei wuxian trips and falls on top of him), but this is the first moment he’s really moved by him. up until this point, wei wuxian has been teasing, immature, A Nuisance™, too clever for his own good, troublemaker energy personified etc but he hasn’t ever revealed his deeper moral values in front of lan wangji—and he does it like this, without pretension, without irony. He doesn’t spend his wish on something frivolous or material: he wishes to be able to do good for all his life, to be righteous, to be kind. it’s the wish he makes for both of them. “the promise we made together all those years ago,” as he says, half a lifetime later.

like just. imagine, for a moment, being lan wangji, whose whole world is being constantly challenged and needled by this unfairly attractive, chaotic bastard and then he just comes out of left field with this. I think this is where lan wangji first recognizes himself in wei wuxian—that at their core, they share their most important values.

look what i’m saying is this is where I fell in love with wei wuxian.

(sidenote: I really think a lot of the tragedy of mdzs/the untamed is stems from this moment. wei wuxian fails, over and over and over, even when his wish never changes, even when all he ever wanted was to do good without fear.)

i had to think for a really long time to try and decide which moments i wanted to talk about on wei wuxian’s part, because i don’t think he’s nearly as easy to pinpoint. lan wangji falls in love like a lightning strike, but wei wuxian’s love is something that grows so slowly, i don’t think he realizes what it is until pretty late in the game.

so let’s begin with this moment on phoenix mountain:

[id: screenshot of lan wangji and wei wuxian facing each other on phoenix mountain from episode 25 of the untamed drama. lan wangji is waiting expectantly for an answer, having just asked, “what am i to you?”, hand behind his back. wei wuxian is holding his flute, expression complicated and uncertain. /end id]

this is the first time i think wei wuxian is asked directly to label his feelings about lan wangji, and he says, “i once thought of you as a lifelong, intimate friend.” and when lan wangji presses, “and now?”, he doesn’t respond.

two episodes later, when wei wuxian is taking the wen refugees out of their prison camp and lan wangji appears before him, I think he has some kind of answer to lan wangji’s question:

[id: screenshot from episode 27 of the untamed drama. wei wuxian holds out chenqing before him in challenge to lan wangji, who is offscreen. he is smiling, just slightly, resigned and fond and terribly sad. /end id]

“if there really must be a battle between me and them, then I would rather fight to the death with you. if i must die, then at least i would like to die by hanguang-jun’s hand. it wouldn’t be an injustice.”

if that isn’t some kind of confession, I don’t really know what is.

but it’s too late—he’s now a defector in the eyes of the four sects. lan wangji lets him go and wei wuxian rides away. the remainder of his first life, that’s how things stand. even through everything with a’yuan, the final massacre at the nightless city—even though there’s something really meaningful there between them, it’s all tinged with a sense of impossibility, you know? there’s no outcome where they can resolve it happily. wei wuxian has gone too far down that single-plank bridge.

the first moment i think wei wuxian has to confront the unresolved and unsaid things between him and lan wangji comes when lan wangji gets drunk that one night and tells him, “i have regret.”

“what regret?”

“that at the nightless city, I did not stand beside you.”

[id: screenshot of wei wuxian looking at lan wangji (offscreen) with tears in his eyes as the full realization of what lan wangji just drunkenly confessed hits him from episode 36 of the untamed drama. /end id]

“so all this time, you’ve been searching for me?”

earlier i said can you imagine being lan wangji for a sec, and i’m gonna say it again except god. can you. IMAGINE being wei wuxian in this moment. finding out that this person that you maybe suspected you had deeper feelings for but never acted on has spent the entire sixteen years of your death searching for you, regretting that he didn’t stand with you before you died? a regret that he’s been carrying in secret, alone, for sixteen years?? that’s A Lot to unpack.

however, I don’t think wei wuxian really, fully understands and accepts how he feels and how lan wangji feels in return, how far they’re both willing to go until episode 42, at the confrontation at jinlingtai.

[id: two screenshots from episode 42 of the untamed drama, right after lan wangji takes a stand beside wei wuxian against the four sects. image 1 is lan wangji smiling at wei wuxian: he is gentle and sure. image 2 is wei wuxian smiling back at him, eyes red-rimmed and wet. /end id]

even though lan wangji has been walking with him since dafan shan, he’s been doing it with a plausible deniability. and here, when wei wuxian is trying to give him an out, lan wangji puts everything he has on the line so that he can clearly stand with wei wuxian, without dissembling, without hesitation. “the feeling of of walking on a single-plank bridge into the dark truly is no worse.”

lan wangji is finished with regrets.

“it’s just funny, that’s all,” wei wuxian says, “back when the whole world flattered me with praise, you were the only one who would scold me. but now that everyone is calling for my death, all hating and condemning me, you’re nevertheless the only one standing by my side.”

i think after that, for all the remaining episodes, there’s an unspoken commitment between the two of them that underpins the rest of their interactions, which I think I can say without reservation that I like more than how it played out in the novel. EDIT 16 APR 2020: I changed my mind a while ago, ahaha. Turns out, I don’t prefer CQL over MDZS. I love them both so much. ;A; there’s something really profound about it, the trust in their unlabelled relationship. it really feels like the inexorable culmination of two adults in their mid-thirties coming together after falling in love for almost twenty years. there’s a maturity to it that isn’t present in the way the novel does the confession (which does have its own disaster energy™ charm) that I think highlights the fact that they love each other, not just because they admire each other, not just because they’re attracted to one another, but because they understand each other—because when they look at each other, they also see themselves.

[bunn10415]

My introduction.

My names Ian, I’m a gay man with little to no taste with anything lmao. I’m mainly here to read but since my wattpad is literal trash I’ve come to bring my shit writing here. Here’s some stuff you’ll expect on my page.

Art

Now I don’t always post my art on social media platforms, basically why I have my sketchbook I draw for myself in. It’s gonna be rare for me to post such art like: nsfw self portraits commissions. Im not in that zone of art to draw nor post. Sure some fanart but that’s my limit

Writing

I’m a writer I write many things but if I ever let requests happen I won’t always have the motivation to do some. If you ever request me it’s a matter of time I’m still a dumb writer who is dealing with school and mental life.

NSFW writing

Im willing to do NSFW REQUESTS and maybe just writings off the top of my head. I’ll put as much warnings as I can in the description but this is an only warning for my introduction.

Fandoms

Some of the fandoms I’m in (so you can know) are listed. Some I may not be as in but I’ll list it.

Dream daddy

The outsiders

Stardew valley

Eddsworld (ish)

Squid game

That’s all 🦧

[wroef]

how would you characterize the finches (as in who are they a person, what is their personality like, their aesthetics, etc). you don't have to write essays, i'd just like to know what you think of each of them. that would really interest me.

mod milton just went to go get food which has left me unattended so (peace sign emoji)

(EDIT MOD MILTON GOT BACK FROM GETTING FOOD AND IM ONLY ON WALTER, you can’t tell me to not write essays i will anyway im trying to be as brief as possible this is just how i AM)

milton is the aesthetic dude so he can either reblog or go back and edit this with what he thinks everyone’s aesthetics would be, i’ll just give descriptions of them and their personality. also im only gonna do the ones with portraits!!

odin - probably has an attitude a lot like dawn? i mean, he uprooted his whole house to sail to america to try to escape the curse. so like, paranoid family man that wants to keep his family safe. also probably likes boating/fishing or something. he’s probably sorta like my dad in that he cares deeply about his family, doesn’t like really anyone else, and can almost be sorta hotheaded when it comes to something getting in the way of him and his family. i sorta get that vibe? idk

edie - probably like how mod milton has described her before, like a kooky but weirdly lovable grandma? like the kind that would babysit the kids and then give them a bunch of chocolate and candy just before sending them back to their parents or something. probably a sweet old lady but also the kind that’s like ‘youre too nice wtf’ because she’d also be weirdly paranoid and such because of the family curse. definitely a person you could sit with and hear all of her stories though.

molly - i feel like she’d be the kinda kid who’d eat bugs and stuff as a kid and break her toys to figure out how they worked. she reminds me a lot of me as a kid, just more happy? and more interested in sea stuff. i feel like she’d be the kinda girl that you’d have to drag away from the beach whenever yall had to go home. just super bubbly and sweet but with sorta a weird fascination with dissecting things and figuring out how the innards of stuff work together. also probably spends more time eating than doing literally anything else

barbara - definitely the cute blonde that everyone said ‘she’s gonna be big one day’ and she did. she probably woulda loved watching child star stuff and when she had the opportunity to be in a movie she begged edie to let her audition. as she got older and america ‘grew out of her’, she probably was a theater kid type in high school, just waiting for another big break and auditioning anywhere she could. definitely the kind to roll her eyes whenever she had to babysit her little brothers, but she still cared a lot about them.

calvin - the kid to have probably gotten his head stuck in a fish bowl pretending to be an astronaut more than once. he was probably a big nerd growing up about space, begging for stuff like a telescope or astronomy books or anything he could get his hands on. he was the kid who said ‘im gonna be an astronaut when i grow up’ and was actually gearing to do just that. he was probably amazing as heck at school and sam might have even had him do his homework more than once. so smart kid, very hardheaded. think of like, how the majority of the fandom portrays clay terran from ace attorney (if anyone around here plays AA?)

sam - perfectly content staying on the ground, thanks. total one-with-nature type kid, probably wanted to be a nature photographer before calvin died. after the fact, he probably geared himself more toward military because he figured the thought of achieving your ‘true dream’ was all bs since he had then lost two siblings trying to achieve their dreams. so he dropped the photography except for recreational usage, and focused on gearing toward the military probably because this is vietnam war time and he didn’t really have a drive to go for anything else. he liked the structure that being in the military gave him and raised his kids with the same strict schedule, but it was probably a combination of his general stubborn pessimistic personality (which was never shown around the kids, of course) with his history and being away from the kids for a lot of their younger years because of the USMC that lead to his and Kay’s divorce. i feel like ive rambled a lot about sam for someone who doesn’t like him. tl;dr bad dad but also sad dad?

walter - my poor, sweet, paranoid delusional baby. he was probably the type to, like molly, enjoy the sea a lot. he probably wanted to be a marine biologist growing up, and when barbara died because of the supposed ‘monster’, being exposed to that kind of trauma of literally hearing your sister’s last words as she screams while being killed, that would kinda fuck you up. i could see him locking himself in his room for days on end, eventually forcing edie to have to drop him out of school and homeschool him. it probably took him months to even be able to step outside of his room. when calvin died he probably re-shut himself in, just terrified of everything. it said in game he had been down there for 30 years, and since he died at 53, that would mean he retreated to the basement at 23 years old. possibly, when no one else was living in the house aside from edie, she and him worked together to create the bunker that took a few years to make before it was livable.

dawn - she probably took after her dad a lot, not in the fact of the hunting or other activities he enjoyed but more in the pessimistic view of life. she’s seen in his story reading a lot and i feel like that’s because she’s the quiet type that would rather submerse herself in a fantasy world in a book than she would interact with the real world. sorta like how the whole “sam seemed to go out of his way to meet [death]”, conversely, dawn tried to stay away from it as much as possible. she probably grew up wanting to explore and ‘see the world’ before she died, which was why she started joining volunteer programs to help people in other countries. she probably became more religious after her dad passed but hid it more when she got close to sanjay because of religious differences, which was why she and sanjay would have decided to raise their kids without religion. she cared a lot, but she showed it in a weird way; she was angry and paranoid, sure, but she did care. sorta like how i wrote odin.

gus - rebel kid. probably grew up with a resentment for his dad and saw him as the source for ‘mom leaving’ and such. gregory died when he was around 8 years old, which is just around the time hormones are about to go wild and puberty sets in, so he probably launched himself into a punk rock lifestyle to sort of rebel against his parents and deal with his grief in his own way when he felt no one else really understood him. since dawn was pretty hardheaded and stern and pessimistic like their father, gus probably didn’t feel all that comfortable talking to her, so he just bottled a lot of stuff up. sad baby

gregory - i feel like his story sums him up personality wise pretty well, idk, hes a baby

lewis - stoner kid. he probably grew up in india learning both english and hindi from his parents, and was generally a normal happy kid until his dad died. when he did and they moved back to the states, he would have been about 14, with milton at 10 and edith at 3. milton and lewis probably got along a lot for the year they were together in the finch house and while they were being homeschooled, and when milton disappeared he probably fell into a depressive state as he had no one else to really talk to around his age about the losses he experienced. not to mention as another anon said, he was the only finch to not really show any artistic talents, which further ostracized him from his family and everyone else. he probably took to drugs as a means to cope, which became a habit. when he graduated and isolated himself in his room to smoke and occasionally talk to edith, that’s when dawn signed him up for a job at the cannery to try to help coax him out and into a more healthy life, which of course backfired. overall though, he would have been a really nice person, if not sort of standoffish emotionally. he loved spending time with his siblings and his dad, though never really had much attachment to his mom. nice dude, 10/10, would smoke a bowl with him

milton - (in the words of mod milton: college art student doesn’t get sleep) ok thanks mod milton. ok so like. i see milton as being the super artsy kid in class, the one who’d say ‘i wanna be an artist when i grow up!’ and fucked around with paint all the time and stuff. as he got older he figured out how to make stuff work better (might have even been signed up for art classes) and figured out how to make landscapes and animate (with flipbooks) and such like that. he was probably a kid very eager to learn and discover new things, like how in an entire year he managed to find all the passageways in the finch house and disclose that information to lewis before he disappeared. very smart kid, practically a prodigy for his age in the world of painting and art

edith - sweet sweetheart baby child. probably grew up like the others, wanting to learn and figure out as much stuff as she possibly could. she took to drawing a lot and maybe even took pointers as a young 4 year old from her 11 year old brother milton before he disappeared. when he disappeared this probably raised a lot of curiosity in the young child and she wanted to learn more about her family history, but dawn wouldn’t allow it and edie wanted to respect her grandchild’s wishes despite her great-grandchild’s arguments. once they stopped being homeschooled (which idk what age that would be, i’d have to do math) and edith started going to public school, she may have been kind of insecure and introverted and kept to herself a lot of the time. when lewis died and she had to switch schools she probably gained more confidence from being in a place where no one knew her or her family history anymore and got herself a boyfriend which would lead to current situations in game.

I KNOW YOU SAID TO NOT WRITE PARAGRAPHS BUT THIS IS JUST HOW I DO MAN SORRY

-mod lewis

[franeridart]

Hey hey hey, so I've seen your lack of Bokutoo art (or haikyuu art in general) and at first I was going to comment on it, but then I saw your art theft post and I hope that won't have too much influence on your haikyuu art? Of corse I'm gonna let you post whatever you'd like to post, I just miss it a lot y'know :0

Well. Okay, I’ve talked about this a lot but I understand people don’t just read all my answers and it’s totally my fault for procrastinating on that faq page so let me just go through this again in an as clear way as possible?

I haven’t stopped drawing for hq! As a matter of fact in the last week alone I have posted one, two and three things for that fandom for a total of five portraits and a three panels comic

That said I understand with the rhythm I update this blog you might think “well, that isn’t much at all, is it?”, which, again, is my fault because - even though when compared to most art blogs’ update schedules eight drawing in one week is more than enough - I’m the one who set the rhythm here

The “problem” with hq is that all my favorite characters are currently absent from the manga and there’s no anime airing, while at the same time my other main fandom (bnha) has both an interesting arc going on in the manga AND an anime season airing right now - I hope you’ll understand if my interest at the moment is mostly focused there, that’s a continuous stream of inspiration I have coming my way

To add to that some parts of the Haikyuu!! fandom are being unrespectful of what I post (this includes reposting, treating my stuff as if it were templates for their own art instead of ship/character specific content, honestly unrespectful comments and tags under a lot of my main ships posts and so on) which, you’ll excuse me, but dampens the joy I get from posting art a lot

Moreover, the creative side of the hq fandom is being, at least for what concerns the zones I frequent, pretty damn quiet lately, so I can’t say I get much inspiration from there either

I haven’t stopped and I can’t see in my foreseeable future myself stopping posting stuff for haikyuu!!, and all things considered I don’t think I’m posting too little for it either? Art and inspiration aren’t things I want to force, if I started I would stop finding drawing enjoyable really damn fast and I can’t let that happen - please be understanding, I first and foremost draw for myself, I can’t help it if sometimes I get stuck on one fandom or another

Anon said: Have you seen the latest chapter of haikyuu? I like how they are showing more Daishou. It’s fun to see his reactions and thoughts about nationals! And I will love to see him in your art style.

Anon, my friend!!! I have drawn Daishou in the past! As a matter of fact the last one was just after he appeared again in chapter 251! I love that snake boy a lot, seeing him there made me really really happy haha

Anon said:SAEKO NEE-SAAAAANNNNNN

SHE WAS AMAZING WASN’T SHE OH MY G O D !!!

Anon said:Kirishima and/or Bakugou being good at singing. And then gay happens.

BOI ANON I have drawn these boys singing to each other a whole lot already (like here or here) at this point I would assume you guys were fed up with it hahaha (… can’t say I won’t ever have them sing to each other again, though)

Anon said:DADZAWA IS SO REAL! But I’m actually so amused because Izuku is basically Ron Swanson with his “I can do what I want” permit except Aizawa wrote and signed the permit

No no anon it’s even better because Aizawa wasn’t like “you can do what you want” he was like “you can do only what I tell you you can do and it just so happens that I’m deciding that you can do exactly what you want to do but it’s still my decison” it was amazing lmao I love Aizawa so much poor man

Anon said:friendo, whats your opinion on the traitor kaminari theory? it breaks my heart but it has a good backbone to it?? like in the new chapter, theres a character that looks like kaminari’s dad/uncle/older family member and im worried for my electric baby

I still don’t think Kaminari is the traitor - as a matter of fact, I still don’t think the traitor is any of the kids. If that’s how it’ll turn out to be I’ll be sad about it, for sure, but right now I really, really don’t believe it. It’s true that the Kaminari-is-the-traitor theory is very cleverly worded and super convincing, but a lot of the things in it are really stretched out as far as I’m concerned

ie, taking the weird faces Horikoshi makes him make in the sketches and using them as proof that he’s got a double face? Too far out for me; his original design being that of a villain? Deku’s original design was villain-ish too, no one is calling him a traitor; taking the expression he made when Aizawa told him he could go to the camp and making it sound like he didn’t want to go? Might be believable as long as you don’t take into account the fact that he had just had a conversation with Midoriya in which he told him it was impossible Aizawa would let them go and that Midoriya was just being too optimistic, the “what the actual fuck is this” expression makes a lot more sense in that context; the fact that he makes clever quotes and uses a complex vocabulary used to say that he’s pretending to be stupid is unfair towards the very real possibility of him just not liking studying or thinking things through analytically but otherwise enjoying reading and being fairly intelligent in his own way?? - in the theory it’s also mentioned that it’s weird how during USJ he was worried about an electricity villain overcharging him as if that’s not perfectly normal, having an electricity quirk obviously doesn’t stop him from suffering overcharges, and later during the end of term exam they say it’s “weird” he refused to go all out with his qurik from the start, again, as if that weren’t a perfectly sensible decision in that context (you have to keep in mind that Kaminari is also studying to become an hero, him going “wait a second, maybe keeping on going stupid and putting myself out of commission every time I fight isn’t the right choice” is perfectly in line with him growing up and learning)

Now I don’t have the post open in front of me and it’s been a while since I’ve read it, but most of the theory as far as I get it is based on the idea that Kaminari can’t be lazy and an airhead and might talk without thinking now and again (the Stain comment), but at the same time be clever in his own ways, which just isn’t convincing for me. It’s taking this character’s three dimensionality and making it a plot-hole, why would you want to do that

(on a similar note, the Kirishima-is-the-traitor theory doesn’t convince me for the same kind of reason, it’s all based on the idea that he can’t just genuinely like Bakugou for who he is without having second reasons for it, which is just unfair and cuts too much off the personality of a really good, well written character)

As far as the new villain guy goes, I understand why most of the fandom might be weary and linking him to Kaminari, but we don’t know his color scheme nor his quirk and the pattern on his hair isn’t even a lightning bolt - Horikoshi has had to make up unique designs for a whole damn lot of characters, the fact that one random guy might have something similar to Kaminari isn’t really enough to make him his dad (again, it might turn out to be true, but in my opinion it’s still too early to make theories about it). Also, this guy is from the Eight Precepts. Weren’t you all trying to link Kaminari to the League of Villains? Isn’t the traitor supposedly tied with the League? How many people is this boy working for even

By the way, during the USJ attack the villains had informations they couldn’t have gotten from any of the kids aside from Midoriya (the “they told me All Might was getting weaker” comment) and tbh that’s enough for me to not believe any of the student is behind the informations leak, but all of this is just my opinion

Anon said:Your thoughts on mob psycho 100??

LOVE IT  one of the best anime I’ve watched lately, without any doubts

Anon said: Being a bokuroo artist? More like drawing art but every time someone says brOTP, you get steadily more annoyed, lol - love your art, btw; you have a really cute and fluffy style

Yyyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhhh… sadly you kind of grow used to it but it is incredibly annoying and one of the reasons why I’ve been drawing it less, t b h

Anon said:I love the concept of the bakubowl because unlike with other characters where everyone’s like “omf they’re so cute!!” the bakubowl is just “why is he like this. why do we ALL like him for this ffs”

WELP I don’t ship Bakugou with everyone so I can’t say I’m fond of the idea as a whole, and the ships I do ship Bakugou in are with the people that actually do like him for whatever reason (lmao), but I can understand why you’d find it a fresh take on the concept! 

Anon said:Ily your art gives me life

AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!! *O*

[thedecemberthoughts]

On everything and anything during the quarantine so far...

April 23, 2020

There are many things i am currently worried about, and it seems that its so much that i cannot identify each of them. I have been thinking over many things, and i cannot keep up. I worry about what i can do to keep myself motivated. I worry about what i can do to keep myself moving, and not just on my phone. I think about projects i can do, but never find the motivation to do them. I am worries about the things i applied for, and if they will get cancelled. I am still hoping that i get the artist residency in Liepzig, Germany but i won’t know that until may when they send the emails. Or when i check the website, and they’ve announced the participants. I hope i do get in. I know i can provide work that can truly be called art. But i know i should also leave room for disappointment, and as i dough, the more i worry about the results. I hope later today,

you find things to drive you to do the things you plan to. To finally 3D model again, to dra the portraits you havent, to research about lights so you can have a set up in your room. To try and move the uniqlo paper bags from the back of the cabinets, into the big suitcase. To continue learning german, and maybe have a practice partner soon. 

May 21, 2020

I haven’t left the house for about 60 days now. I haven’t really gone crazy, and to be fair, i am quite enjoying being home. I do miss human contact; i want to be hugged. I think if anything, i miss the weight and warmth of another person. I often hug my parents, but hugging someone without them hugging back is a totally different feeling. I think im okay. For the most part, i think everything is fine. But if im being honest, i know im mostly keeping it in, and pushing it down. I think im going crazy, but unlike everyone else, its not because im locked in. 

I wish i knew how to be honest for everything. I hope i find the courage to come out to Floris soon, and i hope nothing bad happens to our friendship when i do. I think once everyone i care about knows im Bisexual, id been less anxious. Hiding this from everyone, i think is keeping me so tightly wound. 

The sleepless nights keep coming. i hope it gets fixed soon. Ive been enjoying getting to know Lucas during the late/early times though. I hope we become better friends. He’s really nice and i enjoy his company. Hopefully soon we get to call and i can finally talk to him and hear him speak. I know he’s not gay but hey, he’s also a nice guy to have as a potential boyfriend; of course thats not my main point. I like him because he can be as passionate about design as i am. And besides, hes just really fun to get to know. I hope that doesn’t die down soon. 

I also haven’t heard about the German Artist Residency. I still am sparing it a bit of hope, despite this i know the news that i wasn’t chosen, though might be predictable, will crush me. By all means i really wish i get to go. In this weird times, its a sliver of hope that i am craving. 

What really tugs on my heart is how little friends i seem to have; which i can’t seem to prove because i do care about some people, and i talk to a few from time to time. But being someone’s second or spare option is something i feel no one i know really gets. Being someone who doesn’t really belong in a group of friends, and who doesn’t fit in with their circles, as much as i have endured living it, crushes me more each day. Is there something inherently wrong with me? Can i be someone’s first choice, main priority, someone’s person for once? I love being there for people but why can’t i have someone be there for me? Its a hirt i can’t seem to ease, and each day it throbs even harder. I hope i get over this, or find a solution soon. 

Will my death even matter at this point? I’m not thinking of killing myself, but it makes me think. Do people actually care about me enough to want me to stay alive? Well yes sure. thats easy. i think for most people who know someone, they wouldn’t wish death on them. But does it really matter if its only hypothetical. In these situations, perhaps actions can speak louder than words indeed.

Bottomline, i guess i just want attention from someone who willingly and pointedly wants to give it to me. To be appreciated despite my discomfort with being appreciated. To be noticed, and to finally be visible. I crave to be someone’s. But for now i guess a tight hug from my best friend (which is impossible because he’s in fucking Germany right now), or from one of my other friends. To have a caring person envelop me in their arms, and radiate warmth from their hearts to mine. Is that too much to ask? 

I want someone to care for me as much as i care for them. 

May 27, 2020

Why the fuck am i so fucking gay? Also why do i want to have friends so bad, only to push them away before they fuckin leave me? I want to die and i hate this life. Or maybe i just don’t want this particular life anymore. 

It seems that despite all my efforts to leave this life behind, something keeps drawing me in. I know in these cases, it mostly means that theres something i am not answering to. In the heroes journey cycle its believed that until the hero answers the call, it will keep beckoning for him to acknowledge and do something about it. (this shit is gonna sound so fucking gross when i read this back, but man. do i care?). anyway, It seems i am stuck in this cycle, and to be able to leave all this behind, i have to acknowledge or do something. Am i so stupid oblivious to know what it is? I wanna fucking die. 

Why does my heart hurt too? how is this fair. I hate being so ugly, and so unattractive. Fuck this life… what am i doing wrong. Besides, why can’t i be transparent with people? why do i keep putting up personas to everyone i meet. ITS NOT FUCKING COOL. and above all, its so exhausting. I seriously need help…