#i wish i knew how to function | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

evenstarfalls · 2 months

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Actually crying I hate working with other people so much

#there's this event one of my student orgs is hosting that ive literally. spent all semester trying to get settled and it's in a month #but we literally have nothing but my plans no posters the event hasn't been approved yet nothing is happening #it's like im the only one with any sense of urgency but i don't have the power #to get anything moving or the communication skills to get anyone else to do things #while also trying not to step on anyone else's feet cause im in theory not even the only one involved in planning #looked at the meeting agenda for next week it LITERALLY SAYS TIME TBD NO IT'S FUCKING NOTTT IT'S BEEN DETERMINED THE WHOLE TIME #i wish i knew how to function

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opens-up-4-nobody · 3 months

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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

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fruitloid · 11 months

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pda

#fruitloid #vocaloid #voiceroid #kagamine len #iori yuzuru #[redesigns len] [redesigns len] [redesigns l #GOD I WISH I KNEW HOW TO DRAW CLOTHES.#like. functional ones #i think i like lens new look. all i really did to iori was change his shirt a little #len had to get a whole hair and wardrobe change #bc he was HARD TO DRAW ORIGINALLY #idk how i feel about the sailor collar. like he doesnt feel right w/o it but it looks odd here #might?? change it?? oh i have an idea

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chaotic-history · 6 months

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I am LOSING MY MARBLES trying to find a foot control for a sewing machine that doesn't cost me an arm, a leg, and my soul

:ooo i didn't know that u sewed stuff, that's v cool !!

sorry abt not being able to find a foot control tho

#i wish i knew how to sew #i mean i can in terms of like.. functionability but i can't make it look nice lmao

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assassins-and-hidden-blades · 2 years

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@asscrackcreed @rk1kincorrect @ayameiris4 just a PSA to let you know that u lot have made me softer for Altaïr and I will be grateful every day

#i always thought he was sweet by endgame #but I can’t lie #I’ve caught myself thinking about him more often than usual #I’ve got an idea for a fic #if only I can bring myself to write it #no executive function recently lmao #ellie’s thoughts #altaïr ibn la'ahad #altair ibn la'ahad #need to sort out his tag situation soon #wish I knew how to do special characters on a laptop b4 my new one

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boyghcst · 1 year

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god i don’t wanna be here i don’t wanna exist

#i hate myself so much #I’m sick of myself and sick of this world #i got upset at Lexi bc they said they didn’t wanna hang lol like i just shutdown n went quiet even tho they drove to take me to the shops #bc I’m ill #like I’m tired of always getting hurt I’m so damn sensitive all the time #like idk i guess i just thought they were gonna stay at mine for a while like we usually do #n instead they just wanted to go home #which is obv fine like they can do whatever they want but im sick of getting upset over this stuff #n i always feel horrible and guilty when i get triggered whether it’s shutting down or passive aggressiveness #or having a meltdown over stuff idk i just feel so emotionally childish n even when i know it’s wrong to feel tht way it still happens #i just wish i knew how to be better and stop being like this #n my therapists just keep telling me well it’s okay and normal to feel this way because I’ve been thru bad experiences before n thts why #i feel abandoned and unloved #but it’s like I’m 24 i shouldn’t be so emotionally all over the place and get triggered all the time like i can’t function bc of this #n i end up just acting in ways i don’t like like if someone was acting this way w me id be exhausted I’m not surprised I’ve been called #exhausting and too sensitive and negative and immature bc i am n hell if u don’t like me dw i hate myself more ive literally been trying #to get better and it’s going nowhere i think i just gotta end myself fr #journal

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cutearose · 1 year

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okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for

#im really struggling to function rn and i finally accepted that i wont make it to my appt without help #so i posted on my snap story asking if anyone could come over for a few hours to help me get back on track #n. two people replied saying they cant but hope i find someone but no one else has replied at all #i knew the answer would probably be no bc no one has time to come all the way here to help me to do tasks i should be able to do alone #but idk i thought i might get some comfort or encouragement or something. just some acknowledgement #i wish i had a group chat or something where i could reach out to people. bc things like snap stories people are just flicking past #i NEED to change the kitty litter today i have no choice its unusable and needs changing but i just. how. i am so tired #i have a ridiculous amount of glasses n crockery specifically for when i struggle like this n yet im still almost completely out of them #bc i just. cant do the dishes. i dont even have to wash them they just need to go in the dishwasher n i Cant #my brain just completely shut down once i got back from the trip #especially bc i got a cold n i dont cope well being sick at all #but of course thats another reason i feel bad asking for help. bc my house is full of germs. n i dont want people to get sick bc of me #but i am running out of food and clean dishes and bench space and i just. cant do it alone rn #but i used up my asking capabilities posting on snap #posting on insta would prob get more people to see it but insta feels. much more public #i dont use my insta stories like ever so it feels like a Lot to post on it for this #n when i asked for support after my parents divorce i only got a couple responses anyway #n this is. not worth support. like its a problem of my own making? i went on the trip knowing it would be a Lot for me #i wasnt planning on getting sick And getting an infection which are both exhausting me a lot but thats not the point #idk im just beating myself up over here. idk how to ask for help esp bc i expect the answer to be no anyway #like who is gonna travel an hour+ to help their friend clean their kitchen and fill out paperwork. im 28 i should be able to do that stuff #these tags are getting very maudlin and mean to myself. sigh. i wish i didnt feel so guilty when i need help #i wish i felt like i was allowed to ask for and accept help #love that childhood and autistic trauma haha lmao #anyway. brains are annoying. and im struggling a lot.

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leonsi · 2 years

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tcestors and weirdos INTERACT !!!

#man i knew the new rottmnt antis pulled in by the movie would be annoying. but i didnt know it was ‘fundamentally misunderstand ao3’ levels #i wish new fans the best and i love that theyre getting into tmnt ! but please PLEASE go back to lurking through fandom for a bit #to get the hang of how it functions and what ‘rules’ are already in place (eg ao3 tagging and how tags are Not a place for your weird dni)#having dnis on ao3 just makes the poster the weird one in that situation skfhsk #tmnt

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sso-moonchild · 1 year

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Practice with reshade and making gifs

#I am not very good with moving pictures (yet)#I want to make them aesthetic gifsets #I wish I knew how the others frame these shots #maybe I need to make a ghost acc to function as a camera lmao ew

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biromanticbookbabe · 1 year

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I was working on my new experimental writing project any way. It's something I wanted to try since well, I have waited way too long already to not do something.

It's historic fiction, it's a dramatic family epic with a lesbian lead character.

#all I wanted was to be a writer #other people pushed the idea of being teacher on me a lot #just because I'm a good student does not necessarily mean I'd be a good teacher #I thought maybe professor since it did appeal to my ego a bit I'm not going to lie but honestly my heart is not in it #this just seems draining #school just feels like it's in the way of what I actually want #I just wish I knew how to function in the normal world because I'm very good at school and almost nothing else :/#writeblr #WIP #mychatter #I haven't posted ANYTHING about this new project on here yet #but I might soon since I'm still working on it

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spark-lapis · 1 year

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YOUTUBE HAS A YEAR IN REVIEW THING TOO????

delighted im delighted. i've always been sad to miss out on spotify's wrapped thing because i don't like spotify very much or use it often. these youtube stats are for an account that i only made at the beginning of april and only really started using in like june, so this is basically just the past five months.

surprised the nitw soundtracks made it onto my top artists before like, shaffer james or the hoosiers. probably because it's background music so it plays for longer passively. wish I could see more than just a top 5 ahhhhhh

anyway yeah. thrilled . i love music

#spark speaks #yes i have youtube premium i frequently go without internet and i wanted to be able to download songs without the hassle.#dunno if that's part of the bias but spotify is just so unpleasant towards non premium subscribers at least youtube FUNCTIONS for free #apparently i was top 0.4% of two door cinema club listeners?? i wish i knew more what these percentages MEANT #551/9238 minutes were two door cinema club though so that's like....almost 6% of my own personal listening minutes #that sounds about right honestly #kind of funny how my top was two door cinema club but none of their songs made it to top 5????#wish it did top 10 playlists tooooooo #i think probably my oc playlists would be top 5 followed by maybe #''plane of euphemism'' or ''canon fox :(''#..... actually canon fox might be like. top 3.#anyway i love my playlist i love my songs :))))#my tags

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branchiopod · 2 years

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can’t sleep. keep making myself mad about shit

#it’s like three things rn #someone from my old college had it out for me and i genuinely have no idea why #like they were always rude as fuck to me and in the first few weeks we knew each other i was being interrogated ab slur and pronoundiscourse #asked how i felt ab he/him lesbians and i was like i’m not a lesbian so…who fucking cares #and we got into slurs somehow and i wish i could’ve been more articulate bc i was like yeah. i think some trans men can say the d slur #and they were like why aren’t you saying it and my response was cuz i don’t feel like it #but the point i wish i had thought well enough to make is like first of all slur discourse is stupid #and the word dyke is central to so many people’s identities not just currently but in the past too #when i was still fem-presenting and pre-any sort of transition i was a dyke. that’s the best word for how i felt then and now looking back #AND you don’t know the intricacies of someone’s identity. are you gonna police this shit? leave me tf alone #also pissing me off lol #is the fact that i dated someone who hated the parts of me that i like #shit spanned from like him saying it about tank tops and sweatpants immediately after i said they’re gender affirming for me #to not being able to deal with me being loud to the point that i re-triggered a depressive episode as soon as i got out of one #when im doing well im loud and excitable but they couldn’t handle that so i just shoved it down #and last thing. did anyone else deal with the predatory gay stereotype bc i never see ppl talk ab it but i was a huge target for it #it’s affected my ability to just. function as person like i can’t compliment people without making myself panic #the few times i’ve seen it talked ab is specifically the predatory lesbian stereotype #which does make me wonder how much of my experience was fueled by that and how much was just generic homophobia

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katya-goncharov · 4 months

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it's weird how during the pandemic & the whole november 5th aftermath i felt more a part of things and less like an outsider than i ever have since

#even though i was literally stuck at home not talking to anyone for months #somehow online i felt like i was part of this community and it was easier to function and know how to act here #and now the world's gone back to normal i feel so much more like an outsider again and it's just kinda weird i guess #and i wish i knew how to have that sense of community in real life #emma vents

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qualitychaoslover · 6 months

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Every time I leave an ao3 comment I feel bad that I'm not good at leaving comments. I still want to show support, but others are leaving 7 paragraph comments and im just over here with "💜💜💜"

#i never know what to say :(#im not good at being a functional human being and knowing how to communicate things with words #my only consolation is im not one of those “update pls” or “when r u gonna update” people #but i just wish i knew how to say i really liked a story in a way that doesnt sound awkward and robotic or like i copied and pasted it #ao3

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radioactiveryan · 7 months

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ugh

#wish i knew how to be competent and functioning tbh #i dont know how to do literally anything at all #i *cant* do anything at all #its frustrating as fuck #its pissing off everyone around me and im just ruining everything #rlly working wonders for my mental health #how many times can i tell myself i need therapy before i actually call someone #christ #ryan talks #vent

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neverendingford · 7 months

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#tag talk #kind of morose rn. I wish kind wasn't functionally the same as trusting.#I wish trusting wasn't the same as gullible #I wish gullible weren't the same as stupid #I know so clearly that lies are easy to tell. and yet I know that in order to live freely I need to choose to believe sometimes #and this is one of those times I knew would happen. the inevitable failure that walks hand in hand with trying #and I will try again. because failure is a chance but not a guaranteed outcome. but it's annoying. it's exhausting.#this is about getting stood up twice in one night. in case you thought something actually important happened. nothing big. but annoying #annoying when you put out your genuine self as the best way to attract authenticity in others and instead it's played with #and I guess I should have looked for more ahead of time. demanded reciprocal honesty instead of simply trusting things would work out #trust but verify.#I just. I don't have a cynical bone in my body. I've had to learn all this #and I rephrase stories to make myself sound cleverer than I really am because I can think of a million witty retorts an hour later #but in the moment I'm just naive and trusting and over messaging it's so easy to take advantage of that #and I can't even report them for the undoubtedly stolen pics they baited me with because they block as soon as the game is up #oh well. live and learn and take away the experience and use it for something #I did meet a dude who actually plays age of empires so that's fucking sick.#got stood up twice. but met two actually cool people so it works out maybe. we'll see what happens.#I just- bruh how hard is it to get some good dick in this town?#anyway. I had a nice walk around the park while I waited. found a gravel hill with a hollow on the top and waited there to escape the wind #it was actually a really nice time at the park aside from the social circumstances

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