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#i wish i was being dramatic but im :) bordering on a psychotic episode :) so im kinda not
alastors-wife · 4 years
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ok last one im sorry
#u ever just. suddenly have it kind of sink in like ''oh. im mentally ill. this is mental illness n this is what it feels like & does to u''#and realize that this isnt a bad dream and it's something you genuinely cannot escape#like wow i love feeling like i'm literally trapped in a nightmare that i cant ever wake up from ♥#i wish i was being dramatic but im :) bordering on a psychotic episode :) so im kinda not#i would give anything to be neurotypical. literally anything#even if it meant just having depression and like... i dont wanna sound like thats not bad it Is but this...#this ruins your life. this changes everything. like im trying not to panic bc i feel like im slipping more and more by the second#i dont know how to articulate it outside of it feels like im both in an alternate dimension and a nightmare at the same time?#that same sickening feeling of knowing something horrible is going to happen and something is very very wrong#and you're in danger and you cant escape from it#something is coming#i just want this to stop. i want it to stop. i want to wake up#i want to be real#im prolly gonna wanna k*ll myself for saying this tomorrow but i want h*m#real or not i dont fucking care#the lines feel so blurry anyway so why the fuck do i care anymore#i wanna wake up#i wanna wake up and everything is okay and solid and REAL and i dont have to be afraid#i dont want to be alone#i just...want somebody#and that's never going to happen#and something tells me i'm going to die like this#fuck i need to go to the hospital so bad but i cant lmaoooo im about to fucking cry
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