#i would be a math major but i hate proofs

[max1461]

I've said this before, but I was identified as gifted in elementary school but my school didn't have any kind of gifted program or anything like that so nothing was done about it. Later in life when I met people who did go through gifted programs, especially earlier in their education, I always thought "oof, glad I did go to one of those". Of course this is purely anecdotal I don't have any policy opinions based on this. But I have the sense that it would have made my thinking more academically myopic and robbed me of the chance to develop the genuine autodidactism that has served me very well.

Like, from middle school through high school I hated the math I was being taught. Not because it was too easy, but because (among other reasons) I wasn't any good at it. Turns out I was good at proof-based math, which I found out by Browsing The Web, and in college I was a math major and did very well and loved it. But I just scraped by in HS calculus and stats. If they were even harder and more rigorous and so on I probably would have concluded I wasn't cut out for math.

[evanivox]

i love math <3

[maliland]

PLAY FAIR!

now playing: xo by beyoncé

barbie(s): e-1610 miles & black fem reader

includes: fluff & fake ass friends

synopsis: your day starts off a bit rocky when you're confronted with conflict concerning your friendships. your boyfriend cheers you up by taking you to the fair!

wc: 8358 (not including the bonus)

credz: @/firefly-graphics

a/n: first fluff fic yayay!! i lied abt when i was dropping this sooo many times, mb.. there's a bonus to make up for it. i hope u guys enjoy this and read VERY slowly bc idk when i'm dropping a fic next 🚶‍♀️ idk what i was doing here lowkey… i h8 everything but the bonus. (i'm biased i like angst better) lmk what y’all think of this tho 💞 ((i proof read but there might be mistakes))

mothers were always thought to have an intuition when it came to their children—some sort of sixth sense. the science behind it? well, there is none. none that’s been proven, anyway. that doesn’t stop some mothers from swearing that their second sight was legit. your mom was one of them, constantly giving her unwarranted two cents about people in your life who seemed harmless to you.

you felt blessed to have the mother you did. she was your best friend and your biggest cheerleader. she brought you up to be the girl you are today. without her, you didn't know who you'd be. not having a huge group of friends to be around 24/7 didn't really bother you as much as it would have if you didn't have her.

you’ve never felt like you needed to hide anything from your mom, but you did keep your crush on miles a secret for a hot minute. you'd never liked someone the way you liked him. you were shocked to discover that he like you too. when miles was ready to make things official, you knew you couldn't hide him from your mom anymore, so you didn't. she met him one saturday morning over breakfast, and to your surprise, she liked him. you were shocked she didn’t have anything condemnatory to say about your boyfriend, not because there was anything wrong with miles, but because your mom is overprotective of you.

growing up, you hadn’t always been the most sociable kid. all of the friends you had now found you and so did miles. that being said, your mom worried that people would take advantage of your built-in hospitality and youf kind heart. she watched out for certain things when you'd describe your interactions with people, then told you to watch out as well. although her overprotectiveness could be irritating more often than not, your mom had definitely helped you avoid trouble here and there.

growing up meant change. you weren't the biggest fan of change because of the risk that came with it. you had always preferred to stick to what you know—until this year. your fourth and final year of high school had you wanting to break out of your shell. the same few friends wouldn’t be there to keep you company when you graduate and go to different colleges, or hold your hand for the rest of your life. neither would your beloved mother. you had to hold your own hand.

you weren't sure how you were going to make friends, and you were too ashamed to ask anyone how to do so. thankfully, you didn't have to do much, because the friends you made came to you.

it started with a group chat with the five girls you had calculus with this year: tiesha, taraji, yanira, and adana. tiesha had created the chain so you all could send homework answers and test reviews back and forth. math was never your strong suit, so cheating was really the only reason you were passing. brief conversations about homework and how much you all hated the class turned into full blown conversations about boys and tv shows. minor comments about something annoying that someone did in class turned into major gossip sessions. you couldn't remember the last time you went a whole day without talking to those girls, whether it was one text message or twenty.

your mom told you she was excited that you had expanded your circle, but you could tell by the way her smile had slightly faltered that she was indeed irresolute. you knew you’d never understand her intuitive claims unless you had children of your own, and even then, you’d still doubt the phenomenon’s validity. it was just your nature to question everything.

presently, you were at a food court in the mall, sitting by yourself at one of the tables. every now and then, you’d glance up from your phone and see a group of friends or a couple pass by you.

you were supposed to hang out with yanira, taraji, adana, and tiesha, but it was almost one and none of them had showed up to the spot in the mall where you agreed to meet. every call you made went straight to voicemail. frustrated, you opened instagram to see if any of the girls were active. you raised a brow when you noticed the multicolored spiral around yanira’s profile picture at the top of your dash where stories were located. you tapped it just to be confronted with a boomerang of yanira, tiesha, adana, and taraji posing in a dressing room mirror. your eyes bored into the screen for a few seconds before you swiped out of instagram, treachery bubbling in your stomach. you released an exasperated sigh.

your mom was right. once again.

you glanced at a nearby tv on one of the walls in the food court and saw a picture of spider-man. you read the captions as they glided across the bottom of the screen, the clip of the hero fighting off a villain playing simultaneously. the news reporter narrated the highlights of the brawl and another one followed up his narration by concluding that spider-man had once again saved the city.

you smiled to yourself like a proud mother, then you thought about miles, not spider-man. you hadn’t talked to your boyfriend since the night before. as if he could read your mind, your phone buzzed against the table and lit up.

3 text messages @ 12:42pm

miles: hey, pretty girl (12:42pm)  miles: i couldn’t text you this morning, i’m sorry (12:42pm)  miles: villain of the week decided to get up early today (12:42pm)

so did you, but for different reasons. reasons that no longer mattered. you didn't even know why you were still sitting in that food court. you should've been en route to the train station by now. you felt so damn stupid.

you: that’s okay (12:43pm)

miles: are you okay? (12:43pm) miles: yk i’d never purposely ignore you, right? (12:43pm)

you: yeah, i know (12:44pm) you: it’s not you (12:44pm)  you: i’m at the mall rn bc i was supposed to meet some friends here, but they never showed. nb wanted to answer the phone either (12:44pm) you: i checked instagram n it turns out they’re all here (12:45pm) you: just without me (12:45pm) you: sooo now i have to do the walk of shame back to the subway station (12:45pm)

miles: that’s so messed up, i’m really sorry (12:46pm)  miles: did anything happen with them before this? (12:46pm)

you: no (12:46pm)  you: i mean if it did then idk anything about it (12:47pm)  you: my ma warned me about those girls. i should’ve listened 🤦‍♀️ (12:47pm)

miles: i got an idea. are you free now? (12:47pm)

you: i am 🤨 (12:48pm)

miles: take the subway to mine (12:48pm)  miles: i have a surprise ❤️ (12:48pm)

you: i gtg grab smth from my place b4 that (12:49pm) you: but i’ll be there :) (12:49pm)

miles loved a message @ 12:50pm

you didn’t even realize the smile that had crept up on your face until it was almost ear to ear and a few seconds away from making your cheeks ache. you quickly stood up from your chair, the legs howling loudly as they scraped against the tile. you winced at the noise and picked the chair up to move it instead of pushing it in. afterwards, you began walking to the exit closest to the subway station. your pace slowed when you saw your “friends” in front of you. they hadn’t noticed you yet. you hoped they wouldn't. they were walking in a horizontal line, laughing and carrying bags on their arms from different stores. you thought it made them look like they belonged in mean girls, or some coming-of-age disney movie with a clique of popular girls who manage to be both unnecessarily cruel and loved by everyone for antsgonists.

when the group of teens finally spotted you, they briefly side-eyed one another before looking back at you, fake smiles gracing their lips almost immediately after.

did they think you were stupid, blind, or both?

“[name]!” adana called out to you when you were only a few feet apart. she dragged out the last part of your name too. you saw it for what it was: an obvious and weak effort to sound genuine. adana picked up her pace so she got to you faster than the other girls. “we thought you weren’t coming, girl!”

you remained tranquil, though you could see everyone else behind adana snickering and exchanging looks. your kept your face relatively blank, not wanting to show the girls before you even the slightest bit of chagrin. they’d get a kick out of it and your outburst would be the topic of their conversations for weeks to come. high school was truly exhausting.

“i mean, i got here at twelve like we agreed,” you shrugged. “i called you guys too. i guess your phones were off.”

“yeah, they were,” taraji chimed in, showing you the 'do not disturb' icon on her phone. you fought the urge to roll your eyes at her fraudulent tone.

you almost couldn’t believe that this was a real situation that you were somehow caught in the middle of. tiesha pouted, the friction between her lips causing her already-faded pink and brown lip combo to fade some more. you knew she was mocking you, but you only wanted to smile when you thought about the shiny gloss that was neatly slathered on your lips, much unlike hers.

“are you okay? have you been here by yourself this whole time?” tiesha interrogated. it felt more like instigating.

“i mean, yeah,” your eyes darted around nervously. lipgloss honestly wasn’t a big deal anyway, tiesha probably had more in her bag. your confidence boost was short-lived and had diminished. you were never the type to thrive off someone's disadvantage. either way, you could act. “but it didn’t really bother me ‘cause i was texting my boyfriend and we—”

“boyfriend?” adana laughed mockingly like it was unbelievable. like it was impossible. “i didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

“what? i’ve told you guys this,” you frowned, your voice wavering to a degree.

you stared at the four girls with an eyebrow cocked up while they turned to each other and shook their heads, a few whispers floated in the air and into your ears. you had spoken about miles to these girls before, you were positive. he was never a secret, you just weren’t someone who posted online a lot. in fact, you only had instagram because your mom made you sign up. you’d never posted once. either way, it’s your relationship. you didn’t want everyone in your business, that’s where mess was rooted. that's how problems started.

what mess the unforeseen treatment you were receiving was rooted in? that was a mystery to you. you didn’t understand how the girls who were supposed to be your friends could switch up on you at the speed of light. there hadn’t been any fights or arguments between any of you—to your knowledge, at least.

you’ve always preached that there are two sides to every story, but you also preached communication. you all were cool last night while confirming today’s plans, now suddenly they know nothing about you?

nobody questioned you about miles. instead, yanira broke the silence that you’d spent lost in your thoughts, trying to make sense of the uncomfortable situation you were in with purely scraps. “well, good thing we found you now.” she pursed her lips afterwards, clearly stifling a laugh.

words couldn’t describe how stupid and naive you felt. they were trying to play you in your face and thought you were oblivious to it. you were starting to think so too. maybe they’d been playing in your face this entire time. maybe they’ve been acting for the duration of your friendship. maybe there were signs this entire time and you didn’t notice until now. maybe the idea of meeting new people thrilled you too much, and they took advantage of that when they realized it.

you weren’t lashing out over everything going on in the name of “staying calm.” you couldn’t grant anyone the satisfaction of knowing they struck a nerve, and bad. you were just as committed to keeping up with your act as they were to theirs, and nothing was going to make you let up.

“we were just about to grab some food,” tiesha added after yanira, smiling ever so innocently, as if she was oblivious to the treatment you were receiving. tiesha was the one you were the closest with, so that hurt. stung even.

“thanks, but i have other plans,” you faked a smile and made sure to look each one of your “friends” dead in each of their glowering, dull eyes.

adana’s face contorted in slight indignation. “how could you have plans? were you only gonna hang with us for an hour?”

“i was heading out before i ran into you guys,” you smiled and shrugged, checking the time on your phone. “gotta go now or i’ll miss the train. i’ll see you guys at school on monday.”

those insolent girls gave you the stink eye as deviated away. a few steps farther from fakery and you could already hear the whispers and the murmurs, even if the mall was loud. they sounded more like hisses the farther away you got, until they blended into the many, many sounds of your local mall. you were thankful to be free from that conversation—if you could even call it that.

your next chat oughta be a real one. though you hated it, confrontation was just around the corner.

❤︎₊ ⊹

“and then they acted like absolutely nothing was wrong… tiesha too!”

you were seated on one end of the couch in miles’ apartment, your legs crossed and resting on top of his thighs and a pillow between the arm of the couch and your back. miles hadn’t told you what the surprise was yet, and quite frankly, it had slipped your mind entirely. you were never good when it came to keeping your emotions in check. the fury boiling and seething inside you was so immense that you couldn’t give anything but what happened at the mall even half of a thought even if you wanted to. miles was steadily running his hand up and down the bottom half of one of your legs because he knew it’d help you calm you down. it was something he did by default while you were ranting, because when you were upset over something, you could go on for hours.

miles was a teen girl’s diary that could talk back. you had been on a twenty-minute tangent about what transpired at the mall, making sure to include even the most minor details that other people would view as futile. your boyfriend made sure you knew he was listening, nodding and making a few comments when you’d pause to catch your breath. most people would hate hearing someone complain for as long as you usually did, but miles didn't mind it. in fact, he enjoyed it. it wasn’t your anger that he savored, he just loved staring at your pretty face. you had miles in a trance forever and always. your beauty would forever captivate the boy and you were well aware. the difference between now and when you weren’t blowing smoke out of your ears was that miles could admire every feature without you teasing him for it, because you wanted him to pay attention. in any other instance, you loved pointing out how much he stares and making fun of him for it as if you’re not just as head over heels.

“i feel pathetic. i waited there for a goddamn hour. and you wanna know what the worst part about all of this is?” you exhaled, your irises peering directly into miles’.

even when you were upset, you could admire him. you were doing it in that moment. last time it was his eyes, now it was his hair. the sun rays looming from the unfolded blinds painted his afro a soft brown, singling out and defining numerous strands of those gorgeous spirals sprouting from his head. he was so perfect to you. you often had trouble believing you could call him yours.

“tell me,” miles retorted, slightly angling his head to the left.

“i wore a good outfit for nothing,” you whined, tipping your head back concurrently. “i just got this tracksuit! this is honestly ten times worse than wasting a good outfit on a boring day.”

you had on a black, velvet matching set from juicy couture. it was expensive and you were pissed to have had wasted your first wear on the day you found out your friends aren’t shit. miles remembered how excited you were to buy that outfit. you’d talked about saving the money for it for what felt like forever.

“you didn’t waste your outfit,” miles assured you, drawing confusion to your face almost immediately. “i still have a surprise, you know.”

“right,” your eyes lit up and you sat up straighter, disregarding your mood. “i was thinking about it on the subway and i have a few guesses.”

“i don’t think you’ll be able to guess this one, but you can try," he laughed lowly.

“cookies?” you started.

miles shook his head. “no.”

“a cat?”

“no, mami,” he laughed.

“ummm,” you tapped your chin like you were deep in thought. your dark-colored orbs traveled to the ceiling. “movie marathon night?”

“better.”

you snapped your fingers. “christmas movie marathon night."

“no movies,” miles clarified.

“beyoncé?”

“not beyoncé.”

“i can do your makeup?!”

“nope.”

“you got me,” you rolled your eyes and blew raspberries. “i give up. spill.”

“i know you wanted to go to the fair during the summer, but i didn’t take you because i knew you’d complain about the heat,” miles began. “now that it’s november, i figured it’d be the perfect time to go.”

“oh shit, for real?!” your eyes slightly widened as you swung your legs off of miles.

“i don’t see why i wouldn’t be,” he retorted. “we’ll take the train and walk the rest of the way.”

you jumped off of the couch in excitement and shuffled behind the piece of furniture to grab your purse. you glanced over at miles, who was now scrolling on his phone. you crept up on him from behind the couch and inched close to his ear.

“get up!” you demanded playfully, grabbing his shoulders. miles slightly flinched, and you burst into a fit of laughter at his reaction.

“okay, okay!” he stood up, rolling his eyes and smiling. “i was thinking we could wait a little bit before we went.”

“nope, no time to waste,” you insisted. you’d wasted enough of that with your “friends.”

your boyfriend told you about all of the abilities that he acquired when he became spider-man, one of them being his heightened senses. you used to expect them to go off whenever you were approaching him, or whenever you scared him, but they never did. when you inquired about it, miles told you that his senses were most likely there to protect him, therefore they’d only go off when they felt like someone or something posed a threat. he didn’t elaborate any further, but you got what you needed to out of it.

knowing that miles and his radioactive dna felt safe around you made you feel special.

❤︎₊ ⊹

you hadn't been to a fair since you were ten. you had gone with your cousins, your mom, and your aunt. back then, you weren't smart enough to know how to play any of the games correctly. you weren't tall enough to ride anything that looked cool to you, either. you despised always having to settle for the teacups and the carousel.

going back to the fair wasn't really a priority until that past summer. it just happened to be on the long list of things you wanted to do with miles.

the air outside was cool and crisp and the sun probably felt threatened by the clouds obstructing its view of the city with insomnia. you were relieved to not feel the sweltering heat beating down on you, especially since you had worn the sun’s favorite color in velvet. the leaves on the trees were turning orange now. you were entranced by one tree in particular, watching as the plant detached itself from the branch of the tree and danced in the wind on the way to the ground.

at the front gate, you held out your hand so one of the employees could give you a stamp, as did miles. the stamp was an orange leaf, but it didn't really show up on your darker-colored skin no matter how you squinted.

now that you were there, the fair was much more different than you pictured it to be. though you wanted to experience as much as you could, you had three main goals in mind:  1. win an unnecessarily oversized plush 2. take pictures in a photo booth 3. go on the ferris wheel

as long as you were able to say you did all of those things by the end of that night, you’d forget all the misfortune that the first half of the day bestowed upon you and forgive the universe for allowing it.

as you strolled the fair grounds with miles, you tried to catch a glimpse of everything there was to do as you passed. the fair was bustling with people. there were families, groups of friends, trios, duo. there were also couples, like you and miles. you even saw people by themselves every so often. your day could’ve ended like that, you were elated that you didn’t feel alone anymore, but you’d never say it out loud.

“whatcha wanna do first?” miles asked you. he was being just as observant as you, if not more.

you squinted your eyes ahead and a specific game caught your eye. “let’s play basketball, i’ll definitely whoop your ass this time.”

“big talk for someone who can barely even shoot baskets when we're on the court,” miles fired back. “whoever wins gets to choose what we do next.”

“fine by me,” you shrugged.

you two grabbed a single basketball from your lanes when you got over to the game. you saw miles adjust his grip on the ball from the corner of your eye. you reduced your eyes to slits in response and pressed your lips together.

when the bell rang and the timer began to count down, you both shot your balls into the baskets. both of them made it in. you were doing fine for the first couple of seconds, but then your balls began to veer away from your basket. you quickly glanced over at miles’ scoreboard to find that he was eight scores ahead of you. you furrowed your brows and began throwing balls into the goal again, making the first three shots and missing the last two. you were on autopilot from that moment on, throwing balls at your goal without stopping to celebrate nor gripe.

just as you reached down for a basketball to make another shot, the timer went off, indicating the end of the game. you looked up at your scoreboard to find that you’d only gotten twenty-eight shots. you could already feel miles’ eyes boring a hole through your head, patiently waiting on you to look over at his lane and accept defeat.

you gave in to defeat and scanned his final scoreboard: fifty-eight shots.

you finally looked over at the boy and he was smirking slyly. “yeah, so i’m tryna play the game with the water guns and the targets.”

you would’ve much preferred to find a photo booth next, but a deal was a deal, so you brushed off your loss. neither of you had a map, so you weren't sure where any of the games were. you two agreed to wing it, so you and miles roamed around for a while. you made small talk and miles teased you for being so confident that you'd win the last game.

finally, you came across the mini-game he wanted to play. your face lit up when you saw all the stuffed animals hanging from the rack above. you could get behind this.

the worker was on her phone, visibly nodding off until you two approached the game. you caught a glimpse of her rolling her eyes and shoving her phone in the back pocket of her black jeans. though she was clearly fed up by the presence of you and your boyfriend, she thoroughly explained the rules of the game. miles had to strike down moving targets with a water gun. the targets would move left to right, up and down, or both. he had to shoot all of them to win, and he only got five minutes to do so.

the worker hit the red button and miles was on the clock.

the targets were the typical kind: white circles with red circular stripes, and a red bullseye in the middle. you watched keenly as miles gripped the gun and squeezed one of his eyes shut for precision, pulling the trigger and shooting a line of water at two of the targets with ease. to his surprise, they began to move faster. he was still hitting them though.

the employee was paying miles no mind, already turned around and back on her phone, texting away. even though dealing with those targets was like breathing for miles, he decided to take a shortcut. just for fun.

while the worker wasn’t looking, miles handed you the water gun and used his web-shooters to swiftly shoot down the last five targets. your eyes enlarged at him in a panic and before you could really think about it, you sprayed the webbing off of the targets miles shot down with them.

the worker turned back around when she heard the winner’s bell ringing. by that time, the water gun was already back in miles' hand. the worker stared at the both of you in confusion. miles looked proud of himself. you nervously smiled and shrugged.

the worker rolled her eyes before they traveled over to the selection of toys and stuffed animals just above her. “pick a prize, any prize,” she said unenthusiastically.

“which one do you want, mama?” miles asked you.

“umm…” your voice trailed off. your eyes glossed over all the different plushies until one caught your eye. “stitch for sure.”

the worker nodded and unhooked the stuffed animal from the rack. she quickly handed it to miles and gave him a quick half-assed smile before resuming her bored expression. miles passed you the stuffed animal and you smiled brightly. you remembered this feeling, and you felt like a little kid all over again.

“he’s our son now,” you proudly declared.

“he’s too big for that,” miles teased you. “that’s a grown man.”

you gave miles a dirty look and punched him in the shoulder. “i won’t let you body shame our son.”

“my bad!” miles laughed and put his hands up in defense.

"yeah, whatever," you gave miles an eye roll and grimaced. you clocked the worker glaring at you two from the corner of your eye, so you grabbed miles' hand and hurriedly dragged him away from the booth. "we gotta go before she sees the pile of webs on the ground and has cps investigate us. she already hates us, what if she makes us return our son?”

"that's your main concern?" miles' eyes widened. "not the worker finding out i'm a superhero?"

“why would i be worried about that?" you inquired playfully. "i shouldn't have to lose my baby because you wanted to risk your identity."

you both laughed as you wandered along the paths of the fair aimlessly. neither of you knew what you where you were going next, but you were way too immersed in your debate to think about it. amidst your little parley, the sun finally escaped from the clouds' cover, the sky shifting to a warm orange and light shades of pink instead of the gray it had greeted you with.

“by the way, that was very much cheating,” you chuckled, thinking back to the mini-game. “you need to play fair next time. no web-shooters.”

“we had no opponents,” your boyfriend reminded you.

“the employee seemed like one,” you replied, thinking back to the looks she’d give you two. “i didn’t even know you had your shooters on you… anyway, that means stitch is an accident.” you frowned.

miles' nose wrinkled. “man, what?”

“i’m just chattin’,” you snickered.

“per usual,” miles shook his head, slinging his arm around your shoulder and shaking his head.

you two kept walking aimlessly for a little while, but you stopped dead in your tracks when you spotted a photo booth. you briefly made eye contact with miles before briskly snatching up his arm, pulling him as you sped over to the booth.

“the booth’s not gonna disappear, damn!” miles from behind you, panting with his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.

“it could,” you shrugged, gesturing to the curtain with your free hand. “get in.”

“stitch won’t fit in there,” miles pointed out.

you frowned and observed your surroundings. you knew stitch was bound to get stolen if you left him outside unattended. you continued to glance around, trying to come up with a simple, but logical solution. your eyes stopped on an old lady sitting on a nearby bench by herself, flipping through a novel. she had on a white sweater with a black dress underneath, her long hair braided down and resting on her shoulder. you told miles to wait by the booth and approached the woman with a light-hearted smile on your face.

“hi, excuse me," you spoke softly in an attempt to make a good impression.

the lady looked up at you, half-surprised. she adjusted the position glasses with her index finger, gently pushing them up the bridge of her nose. “oh, yes?”

“may you please watch this for me while i take pictures with my boyfriend in that booth over there? i promise we won’t be long.”

you looked back at miles and pointed in his direction. though he was clearly confused, he smiled nervously and waved anyway. you turned back around to face the woman and smiled again.

“of course i will, dear,” the lady replied, a smile gracing her lips. she waved back at miles.

“thank you so much,” you smiled graciously, setting stitch next to her on the bench. you were ready to go back to miles when the woman stopped you by calling out. you whipped around, biding patiently in the same spot until she spoke.

“cherish the memories that you’re making. all of them.”

you didn’t exactly know what she meant, but then your last trip to the fair came to mind. it was so long ago, but you had almost forgotten how much fun you’d had, even if you couldn’t do much. you never wanted to make the mistake of taking memories for granted whilst you’re making them, because then you'd miss them too much when they were in the past, at least that's how you saw it. the future is uncertain. life is cruel. that day at the fair as a toddler could’ve been the first and the only time you ever went. today could be the second and the last. you hadn’t really thought about any of that before. you hadn’t thought about how precious your memories really were.

“and make them with the right people.”

you knew what that meant.

your eyes lowered, confusion evident on your face anyway. “how do i know if they’re the right people?”

“you’ll know. intuition is real. if something feels wrong or right, you'll know. listen to what your body is telling you, my dear,” the lady replied, crossing one leg over the other and opening her book back up.

your eyes widened slightly as you were still a tad bit lost, but you nodded. "okay. i will."

you jogged back to the photo booth, excitement coursing through your veins. miles didn’t bother questioning your tactics this time.

you both sat down in the photo booth and miles drew the curtain shut. he sat back and you tapped the screen, selecting two printouts so you could both keep one. before you even got the chance to retrieve your wallet from your purse, miles was sliding a couple dollars inside the machine. you hadn’t even noticed them in his hand before.

“today is my treat. you’re not paying for anything,” he told you.

“boo. i can’t spoil my man every now and then?” you clicked your tongue. “i’ll get you those comics you wanted instead.”

miles shook his head and chuckled. when the timer on the screen began to count down from ten, you fixed your braids and made sure your clothes looked presentable.

“i have ideas,” you announced to miles. you'd be envisioning this moment in your mind for ages. “just let me lead.”

“you the boss,” miles conceded in compliance.

“cool,” you giggled. you slid your hand under miles' chin and pulled him closer until your lips were pressed onto his cheek. you stayed in the same position with your eyes closed until you heard the first flash. the next photo was simple, a shot of you and miles kissing. the third one was the both of you looking at each other and laughing. it wasn’t planned, but miles had made a joke so you didn’t have time to pose any differently.

in the following ten seconds, you made miles your canvas, scattering kissing all over his face. he was confused until he looked at the screen to see all that your lips were imprinted on his face with colored lipgloss. he kissed his teeth but then laughed. your arms were wrapped around his shoulders, and that was the last photo. it was your favorite.

you waited for the photo strips to print and then left the booth. you immediately snapped your neck towards the bench to see your stitch plushy still sitting with the older lady. you sighed in relief and jogged over to her.

“thank you again!” you beamed, grabbing the stuffed animal.

you had a feeling she knew you were also thanking her for the unsolicited advice. you'd never understand how some older people were so good at reading others.

“you’re welcome, dear,” she waved goodbye and you waved back.

you wouldn’t forget what she told you.

you then went back to miles, expressing how happy you were that stitch wasn’t stolen. you went on and on about what a terrible mother you would’ve been, had you lost your child after not even twenty minutes of having him.

a few minutes later, miles caught you staring at some nearby concession stands. you didn’t eat anything before leaving his flat, but the line was a bit lengthy. you were silently trying to decide whether the wait would be worth it.

“you hungry?”

you nodded, settling for waiting in a long queue over an empty stomach. “starving."

❤︎₊ ⊹

it was getting late now. the sun was nowhere in sight and neither was the end of the night. the cool fall breeze felt nice against your soft skin. you wished that you could live in this part of the day for eternity, playfully bickering with miles as if you wouldn’t cling to him a few minutes later during the drop on a rollercoaster.

up to that point, you had gone on at least thirteen rides and played nine competitive mini-games. miles ended up winning most of them, despite him saying he’d go “easy on you.” you’d always respond to loss by saying you won in your heart, and he’d laugh at you. you’d pretend to be upset until you couldn’t fake it anymore and laughed along with him.

now, you and miles were sitting on grass, the synthetic kind. you two had shared a peculiarly long corn dog. you claimed that was enough for you, but miles ordered nachos too, and you shamelessly snatced up a sizable amount of them. food just tasted better when it wasn't yours.

after hours of being offline, you finally had a phone break. you sent your mom a text to check in with her before navigating to your email app. you scrolled through your recent until you came across the digital copies of the pictures you and miles took in the photo booth earlier sitting in your inbox. “i got the digital version of the photos. they're so cute!" you exclaimed.

miles grinned. “send ‘em to me later on."

“will do,” you agreed, looking back up to see him stood up from the ground with stitch in hand.

“i’ma rent out a locker to keep this guy inside of and then head to the bathroom,” he told you.

“okay, i’ll be here,” you nodded.

whenever you were out with anyone, you always thought it was common courtesy not to reply to texts that weren’t urgent. you never wanted to make anyone in your life feel like your focus wasn’t on them while you were spending time together. that being said, you hadn’t thoroughly gone through your notification center since you were at the mall. since miles was gone for a little, you thought it was a good time to deliver a few textbacks, because you knew that after tonight, you wouldn’t have any energy to do so until the next day.

you didn’t have any notifications from the calculus group chat, no surprise there. you had an older one from your mom from before you checked in, but she was just sending a tiktok. the next one down was tiesha and then adana. a pit formed in your stomach and you nervously chewed on the inside of your cheek. despite the uneasy feeling you had, you opened tiesha’s text first.

tiesha💞: [name] (5:46pm) tiesha💞: miles is your boyfriend?? (5:46pm)

‘not this again’ you thought.

you didn’t know what you were expecting the text to say, but it wasn’t that. this wasn’t a topic you wanted to circle back on, given everyone’s initial reactions. and you thought she knew—you thought everyone knew. maybe you weren’t as close with tiesha as you thought you were. or any of those girls.

you: yes... i’ve said this before (7:34pm)

you: literally with him rn. why? what’s the problem? (7:35pm)

your brows were knitted together as you anticipated a reply, your fingers drawing circles in midair just centimeters above the keyboard. you were biting the left side of your lip and your teeth were close to piercing the skin. tiesha's response came quick despite your late reply.

tiesha 💞: miles morales? the one i told you i like?? (7:36pm)

you read the text and had to do a double-take. your stomach dropped all over again. you had an exceptional memory. tiesha had never mentioned miles to you, like, ever. she hadn't mentioned any crush of hers to you at all. you just assumed she wasn't interested in dating.

you: i don’t remember you saying anything about like any miles.. but yeah he’s my boyfriend. (7:36pm) you: he has been for months now. i told y’all this, so idk why you were acting all confused @ the mall. (7:37pm)

tiesha 💞: if we knew then why would we be acting confused? 😐 (7:37pm)

you narrowed your eyes at the screen. you could tell her tone was meant to be harsh.

you: i don’t know, tiesha. (7:38pm) you: maybe for the same reason y’all were acting confused when you found me by myself at the spot that we agreed to meet at tday?? 🤦‍♀️ (7:38pm)

tiesha 💞: we said you could come hang w us (7:39pm) tiesha 💞: you’re the one who left (7:39pm)

you released an exasperated sigh as you read her response. you thought back to what the lady who watched stitch for you told you earlier. you couldn’t stick around these girls for any longer. they weren’t the people you wanted to make memories with. perhaps they were nothing more than a much needed lesson. you partially learned how to socialize, but you also needed to learn how to stand up for yourself. you were growing up. nobody else was going to do it for you.

you: i left bc you guys were acting weird towards me (7:40pm) you: idk what the deal is, but if there’s a problem you need to be straight up about it. (7:40pm) you: we all agreed to meet at the food court, but i opened ig to see y’all posing in a mirror while i’m sitting alone. why’d you even invite me atp?? (7:40pm)

tiesha 💞: i thought adana was lying when she said you got with miles, behind my back but ig she was right. (7:40pm) tiesha 💞: you weird af for that. you know i like him (7:41pm)

you: fym bro.. ??? 😭 i literally did not (7:41pm) you: and either way, he’s BEEN my boyfriend (7:42pm)

tiesha 💞: yk you only got w him to tick me off 🖕 (7:42pm)

you: ok wtv. (7:44pm) you: you guys showed me what kind of people you really are, so best believe i’m not sticking around anyway. you can tell that to eb else.(7:45pm) you: and i don't know what you thought you were doing. miles has been MY boyfriend for almost over a year now. he’ll continue to be my boyfriend for years to come, thanks. (7:47pm)

you didn't hesitate to leave the group chat and block those girls everywhere. they didn’t get to have access to you anymore. it felt like weight was lifted off your shoulders and you silently celebrated in your head. you were still in public and didn’t want to draw attention to you because you were cheering about cutting people off. at least you were free from the burden, even if you had a few less friends now.

“ready to go to the ferris wheel?”

you glanced up from your phone to see miles towering over you, both of hands in the pockets of his green puffer. you smiled big. this was the last thing on your checklist, and the thing you’d been looking forward to since you set foot on fair grounds.

“duh,” you giggled, reaching your arm out so miles could pull you up. after he did, you brushed off your outfit and cleared your throat. “so, do we know which way it is?”

“nope,” miles answered. “we’ll just start walking and hope we come across a map, or something.”

you raised and eyebrow and smirked. “so like we’ve been doing this whole time?”

“like we’ve been doing this whole time,” he echoed.

“i guess it makes it more adventurous,” you decided as you two began to walk away from the grass. you clasped your hand with his. “plus, i can tell you what happened with tiesha while you were in the bathroom while we look for it.”

miles’ eyebrows elevated. “something happened?”

“yep,” you shake your head in annoyance. “tiesha had a crush on you or something. apparently, she didn’t know we were together, so she thinks i got with you just to spite her.”

“how wouldn’t she know?”

“that’s what gets me!” you pointed your index at miles’ chest and tilted your head back in irritation. “i told her and the other three, so i don’t know why they were acting clueless! plus, she swears up and down i knew she liked you. that girl never said a word.”

“from everything you’ve told me today… it sounds like they just don’t like you,” he frowned, speaking in a way that told you he was trying not to hurt your feelings.

“they don’t,” you sighed, tilting your head up slightly. “that’s why we’re not friends anymore. i told tiesha to tell everyone else we won't be talking anymore.”

"really? are you okay?"

you reluctantly nodded. "yeah, i think i'm okay." you were telling the truth. in the moment, you were okay. maybe it'd bother you later, but all that mattered was that it wasn't bothering you now.

miles’ expression softened in relief. “that’s good. i’m glad you’re learning not to take b.s.”

you covered your mouth and snickered when you heard "b.s." for whatever reason, you thought it was humourous coming out of miles' mouth.

“no, really,” miles insisted anyway. “i’m proud of you.”

you didn’t ask for confirmation because you believed him even if you found the delivery funny. “thank you, miles.”

he smiled and pulled you closer, planting a kiss on your forehead. you grinned and pressed your ear against his arm. you made sure to take in and appreciate each and every step you took forward with your lovely boyfriend. you were cherishing a memory that wasn’t one yet, but tonight felt far too special not to. you absorbed everything to the scenery and the moonlight to the warmth that clinging to miles' arm gave you.

as if it was looking for you two and not the other way around, you and miles found your way to the ferris wheel without even having to seek out direction. surprisingly, the queue wasn’t at all demanding. when you got closer to the front of the line, you thought of something. you needed something to remember your favorite memory by, anyway.

“we should take a picture in front of the wheel,” you suggested to your boyfriend. “we can ask someone to do it for us.”

“bet,” miles pulled his phone out of his back pocket of his jeans.

he turned around and kindly asked a random girl standing in line behind you two if she could take the photo for you. she thankfully agreed and miles swiped to the camera app and handed her his cell. you two backed up a bit and the girl told you where to stand so that the photo would look better. you took a few pictures standing in front of the wheel side by side, miles’ arm around your shoulders. you two were hugging in one of the shots and he was kissing your forehead in the other.

after those pictures, you took miles’ arm and made him face a different direction. now your shoulders were to the camera lens and the ferris wheel. you snaked your arms around his neck and he instinctively placed his arms around your waist. this was one of your favorite poses, miles knew what to do by now.

you glanced down at your feet and took a step closer to miles so the distance you two wouldn’t look awkward. you lifted your head back up to meet his gaze. the boy was looking at you and you could’ve sworn you saw hearts forming in his eyes. he wasn’t just looking at you, he was admiring you. there was a difference, and you could tell.

but it’s not like you weren’t doing the same.

you whispered loud enough for only miles to hear. “i love you."

“i love you more."

you shifted onto your toes and miles slightly leaned down to reach you. your lips connected effortlessly, your eyes fluttering closed in unison. the ferris wheel lights glimmered behind you two as miles deepened the kiss. you mindlessly lifted your hands to his cheek, your thumbs gently caressing his soft, warm skin.

“got it!” the girl taking the photo called out.

you and miles slowly withdrew your bodies apart and she approached you two, handing miles the phone. you both thanked the girl and got back in line. your gaze was fixed on the structure above you. all you could think about was how pretty the sky was bound look from all the way up there.

you excitedly entered the cabin when it was finally you and miles’ turn. the designated employee shut the door and your eyes immediately glued themselves to the window. you were just barely going up, and you already had a better view of the fair and all of the lights.

“you seeing this, miles?” you questioned without even daring to rip your eyes away from the window.

“i am,” he smiled. your reaction to the view made him happier than any angle of the world around him ever could.

as you ascended higher up, you focused more on what was above ground rather than on it. the luminous stars painted the night sky like white spatters of paint would paint a black canvas. they glittered brightly above you while the ferris wheel slowly spun.

you turned your head back to miles to smile at him, but he beat you to it. you felt like the luckiest girl alive. you were thankful to have at least one person who was true to you. that alone was more than enough. 

miles was more than enough.

the moonshine illuminated your beguiling features as you admired its fullness and its beauty. your head was rested on miles’ shoulder and his arm was sitting around your waist, the other one holding your hand in his lap. you knew you’d look back on this and recall that you never took this day or the feeling that came with it for granted, not once.

this felt so right—you didn’t know how to explain it. tonight was perfect and you would never change a thing. everything was how it should be. you were where you should be, you could feel it. this felt right in your soul.

maybe this was it. maybe this is what everyone was talking about.

maybe intuition is real.

❤︎₊ ⊹ bonus:

you and miles had concluded your fair date and were back at his place. you were going to stay for a while before returning to your own. your head was on his shoulder and your legs were curled up in the opposite direction. his hand was evolved in yours, as yours was in his. miles' mom was home and you definitely didn't want to give her the wrong idea by appearing exceedingly handsy.

“i had fun,” you gloated on the day you'd just had as miles browsed through netflix on the tv.

“are you sure? you seemed pretty over it when i beat you at basketball.”

you tongue clicked. "very funny, morales." you thought for a moment. “and thanks for taking me out, by the way. i know you were probably tired from having to fight all morning,” you exhaled.

“it’s no problem,” miles insisted, though you could tell he looked tired. “tomorrow’s sunday, i’ll get some sleep then.”

you both turned your heads when you heard the sound of a door being opened echoed through the hallway followed by rhythmic footsteps. even though you and miles both knew the footsteps belonged to rio, the hallway was dark, so neither you or him could see her until she stepped into the living room. her hair was down instead of being braided or put into a ponytail like it usually was. she was trying to slide a hoop into the earring hole in one of her ears. she was in one of her fancier outfits.

"jeez, you kids been on the couch all day?"

“we went to the fair,” miles replied, a smile tugging at one corner of his lips.

“oh really? explains the oversized oso on your bed. papa, didn’t you use to watch that one show… what was it called? spy oso?”

“special agent oso, mami,” miles corrected her, a hint of embarrassment fermenting in his voice. his teeth were clenched and his eyebrows were furrowed. “and that’s stitch, not a bear.”

you were stifling a laugh, one of your hands shielding the grin on your mouth while the other clutched your stomach. rio didn’t see, but miles did and he rolled his eyes at you.

“i left the snacks in your room, i’ll be right back," you told miles before you got up and disappeared down the hall.

“stitch? what’s a—” rio stopped herself and shook her head. “actually, never mind. how was the fair?”

miles answered her anyway. “it’s an alien, mom. from lilo and stitch. and the fair was good, we had a lot of fun. i can show you pictures later.”

“good,” rio smiled but then broke into a whisper. “miles, mejor la llevas a casa. don’t let that girl wander around all by herself at night.”

“alright, alright,” he put his hands up in defense. “you know i always take her home, calmáte.”

“alright, then. just making sure," rio retorted. "anyway, i’m in a hurry, i’m going to meet your dad, his coworker, and his coworker's wife somewhere. comportarse,” rio cautioned in a stern tone of voice, walking over to the couch and planting a kiss on her son’s cheek.

“i will,” miles promised as his mom hastily walked to the front door.

“tell [name] i’ll see her soon,” rio called out to miles before shutting the door.

a few moments later, you emerged from the shadows that lurked in the hall and took your seat next to miles on the couch. you scooted closer to him and pulled the blanket over both of your legs, handing him his bag of chips then opening your own. he hadn’t chosen something for you guys to watch yet.

“where’d your mom go?” you inquired, looking around.

“somewhere with dad,” miles answered, shrugging his shoulders at the same time. “she told me to say she’ll see you soon though.”

“aww,” you grinned. you really did love rio. you had to stop yourself from chuckling when you recalled her bringing up one of the shows miles used to watch as a kid. as hilarious as you found the whole thing, you held in your laugh anyway. you refocused your attention to the tv on the other side of the coffee table. it didn't take you long to realize that your beloved boyfriend still had yet to choose a movie to watch or a show to binge.

“what should we watch tonight?... homecoming?”

“jesus, no,” miles frantically shook his head, waving his arms around in a panic.

you were referring to beyoncé's 2018 coachella headlining performance movie. you’d made the boy watch the film with you more times than he could count on you two's twenty fingers combined. miles knew the name's every song being performed, the lyrics, and what order they were performed in. he had almost memorized all of the dance breaks, but not willingly. he swore that the word “homecoming” alone triggered some kind of ptsd. miles knew you too well. he was well aware that the renaissance movie would be a homecoming repeat, but maybe ten times worse. he'd been mentally preparing for that as well.

“booooo, you’re boring,” you frowned.

“thanksgiving is coming up, how about that one charlie brown movie?”

“only if we can binge christmas movies after.”

“deal.”

maybemymali ©

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[scotianostra]

On April 4th 1617 John Napier, the mathematician, died.

I hated maths with a vengeance at school, I'm not talking about counting, I can hold my own with that, but real maths. algebra, geometry, topology and worst of all logarithms, which we have Robert Napier to "thank" for, he introduced them in the early 17th century as a means to simplify calculations, aye right!

If John Napier had been born a common man he would maybe have been burnt at the stake, nothing to do with him and his maths nonsense but because he dabbled in the occult at a time when we were routinely setting such people on fire!

James VI was on the throne and his obsession with devilry consigned hundreds of unfortunates to the flames. Unless you were born of a noble family of course. A wee bit background on the Napier's his father was Sir Archibald Napier of Merchiston Castle, and his mother was Janet Bothwell, daughter of the politician and judge Francis Bothwell, Lord of Session, and a sister of Adam Bothwell who became the Bishop of Orkney. Archibald Napier was 16 years old when John Napier was born. John, as was the common practice for members of the nobility at that time, he was privately tutored and did not have formal education until he was 13, when he was sent to St Salvator's College, St Andrews. He dropped out of Uni and toured Europe for a time before returning to Scotland aged 21.

Back to his links with sorcery, several members of John Napier’s family – respected and wealthy participants of Edinburgh society - were commonly known to be wizards or sorcerers. Their necromantic power was feared by nobles as well as peasants from far and wide.

The family wizardry started with Napier's father, Sir Archibald, seventh Laird of Merchiston, who successfully predicted when Mary, then the former Queen of Scotland, would leave Lochleven Castle, where she was imprisoned. The story goes: "Claude Nan, the Queen's secretary, wrote that 'the Laird of Markyston (Sir Archibald), who had the reputation of being a great wizard, made bets with several persons to the amount of five hundred crowns, that by the 5th of May Her Majesty would be out of Lochleven." Mary escaped on 2 May 1568 – and the senior Napier was presumably wealthier for his prediction.

Sir Archibald married Janet Bothwell, sister of Adam, Bishop of Orkney, who the paper said was "a notorious necromancer", so that their son, the future mathematician, inherited "a double inclination towards the magic arts". This might explain some of John's odd behaviour. A necromancer is a wizard or magician by the way, I had to google it!

Tenants who lived on the vast Merchiston estate south-west of Edinburgh thought John to be a bit mysterious at times, Napier would be seen many evenings wearing a long gown, pacing outside his tower chamber, a private work area where he often would pass many long hours alone.

Many people thought that his pet black cockerel was a familiar – a supernatural being which assisted witches and wizards in their magical practice. However, the Napier family held the hereditary role of King’s Poulterer and Napier may have kept the cockerel on a whim but I have read he travelled not only with the bird but also with a black spider in a small box, not normal behaviour.

The Scottish writer and translator Sir Thomas Urquhart, who, told of a demonstration of devastating artillery Napier devised against the threat of invasion by Spain.

"He gave proof upon a large plaine in Scotland to the destruction of a great many herds of cattel and flocks of sheep, whereof some were distant from other half a mile on all sides and some a whole mile,"

A well as being a wizard and mathematician Napier was also a fervent Protestant, much of his writing is vehemently anti-Catholic even by the standards of the time. He was a man of contradictions though, as he is said to have had friends who were Catholic, including Alexander Seton, the Earl of Dunfermline, although the vast majority Catholics back then had to hide their faith.

The last interesting, and worrying, fact I found out about John Napier is that his cause of death according to wiki he died "from the effects of gout" at home in Merchiston tower, now I suffer from gout and it is bloody painful but I didn't know it could kill you!

[then-ponder]

Truthfully, I am critical of most arguments that urge people to learn math. This is in particular because most public defenders of mathematics and math education argue with the implicit assumption that you should learn this if and only if it is useful. They will argue that because we can use all of our math to travel the stars and save our dying planet it is worth learning.

I do not blame them for this. After all this is a common practice under capitalism. The constant need to prove useful is a hellish practice in which all professions participate even if some have it easier than others. But it is harmful. It separates us from seeing math for what it is. Want it wants to be.

Many people would call math a science and there is a truth to that. Much of mathematics is a process of learning cold hard facts, even if the idea has been proven a million times over, but that ignores all the bits of it that we tend to not include. The parts about logic and reasoning, the parts about discovery, the parts that suggest a deeper explanation, the parts where intuition feels like magic and reality feels fake.

At the beginning of this post I said that “arguing math is useful is a harmful argument”. This is why. There is no discovery of facts. Logic, what should be the foundation of all mathematics, is not taught and proving that a statement is true goes ignored and is deathly fatal to students who seek the answers, yet are obscured. Worse, the facts we teach in math are plainly obvious to the student in a way that destroy any merit of the claim “ math is useful” because why would I use math when I could use logic. Why would I use the Pythagorean theorem when I know that two sides of a triangle are longer that the hypotenuse when I’m path finding and why the hell would I use a polynomial to describe anything. You use the language of usefulness you should be teaching useful things, but math can’t teach useful things. It’s math not a trade or a science.

And in truth mathematics isn’t useful. Nothing you point to that most people understand are useful things and the vast majority of research is on problems that most people either don’t care about or find utter nonsense. Truly I don’t mean this to be cruel, it’s just that the proof for 1+1 = 2 is a books worth of pages. And that’s the thing people can’t possibly be bothered to ask questions that a mathematician would lose years to. They just want a fucking answer and that’s fine, but this more explicit explanation is why Mathematicians don’t like ‘applied’ math. It’s because assholes take our prized possessions, our meow meows, and our blorbos and they throw them in a shredder and mangle them up till they have a thing that they like and then they give it to another person who fucking hates math because they got their degree in “I hate math but I love problem solving so I became a [insert stem field here]” so they can blow up that thing so that they can use it to solve something.

The truth is that math is a humanity because it is a reflection of our own reality. Quite like art. And the reason for studying art is the same reason you should study math which also happens to be the reason why math and art education sucks. You should learn about these things because you want to. No amount of money can justify it. You have to want it. And the thing is art is best taught as art. It’s not a just or simply a tool for people to make money. It’s an expression of the self - The very people who created it.

Many fear that if we allow people to stop studying the math people won’t. Fair, but high school math is not reflective of math. It doesn’t teach foundations, it doesn’t teach about the different sub-disciplines. It refuses to teach any math that can’t be directly applied to science and engineering. Of course people don’t want to learn that. You’ve ripped out the meat.

[smores100]

i don't believe anything hamas has to say. about anything. they're sadistic manipulative liars and have been proven to be ones again and again. they're the ones giving out numbers of casualties and injured people. they've already been caught including certain names more than once; they've also been caught including names of people who had died long before the attacks ever happened

it's amazing how 5 mins after an attack they know to announce 1000 people dead (they count so fast!), whereas 2 months later and israel is still making adjustments to the numbers and finding and identifying bodies from the october 7 massacre....(side note: by archaeologists. they use archaeologists. try and think why an archaeologist is needed to find proof of someone being dead rather than missing/kidnapped. let that sink in...)

interesting how when the idf was accused of bombing a hospital there were 500 dead, but when it was proven to be a failed rocket launch by islamic jihad there were only 20-50 people killed…math is fun!

and yet the world keeps hanging on to every word by 'the most credible not terrorist organization in the world'… (if you don't get the reference go watch eretz nehederet's parody of the bbc…they did a couple and it's so accurate it hurts)

also as mentioned here hamas doesn't differentiate between 'innocent civilians' and their own terrorists. they /are/ freedom fighters after all to them eeeeeveryone is innocent! but you can be sure at least half - if not more - of the real number of casualties are terrorists (there's a reason i used quotation marks but that's a whole other story...) and yes there IS a difference b/w collateral damage bc that's what happens in war specifically when the enemy hides like cowards amongst civilians, and PURPOSELY and DELIBERATELY invading cities and torturing and executing every civilian in sight if you can't see the difference then sorry i can't help you 🤷‍

also SECONDED on that whole genocide bs…sometimes people die at war??? it's not all genocide??? why aren't you crying about hamas' continued attempt at genocide? they literally have KILL ALL JEWS written in their charter! they massacred 1400 people (the majority being jews) on october 7! what do you think they're trying to do when they launch 10000 rockets at populated civilian areas??? the only reason there aren't thousands of dead israelis is bc israel gaf about their people and spent millions of dollars on shelters and the iron dome for protection. hamas could've done the same. instead they stole the people's money and used it to build underground tunnels to hide in and rockets. (in their defence they also used it for charity…how else would haniyeh have been able to survive in qatar w/o his 4 billion dollars???) your liberal misuse of the term dilutes its meaning and is an insult to real genocides happening across the world. ffs assad murdered more than half a million of his own people and the UN still sucks his dick and the world is silent....(i get it; actual war crimes and genocides and ethnic cleansings aren't interesting when the jews aren't involved…)

last but not least since this all started due to the cancellation of noah…FUCK YOU fuck you for trying to cancel a JEWISH boy for being PROUD of his IDENTITY and wanting HIS PEOPLE to be SAFE guess what? zionism IS sexy *le gasp* all of you using zionism as if it's a bad word a curse word using it to hide your antisemitism....zionism (nowadays) simply means you believe israel has a right to exist (as a safe haven for all jews) and the jewish people's right for self determination. it means NOTHING regarding the palestinians and any rights they should or shouldn't have. you can be a zionist and still support a two state solution! these things aren't mutually exclusive! the way certain people have twisted its meaning to make the world believe all jews and israelis are evil monsters who want all palestinians dead and the entire land to themselves is disgusting the backlash and sheer hate and the cancellation of a 19 year old jewish boy over it is no less disgusting but you know what? thanks for proving EXACTLY why zionism is still important and why israel MUST keep existing 👍

This was a reply to someone else, but I'm making this its own post because so many people are being so evil right now re: Noah Schnapp.

You can find other, longer explanations with history and all, but all the places I've seen more or less agree with this:

So you're all calling people to cancel Noah because he's in favor of a Jewish nation in what is today Israel. Which is a perfectly reasonable, decent and educated opinion to have, especially when you, to use a trendy term, "educate yourself" and find out why the state of Israel was created.

11000 dead Palestinians, half of them children

According to Hamas. Don't forget that, ever. They're the current, official government of Gaza, thus they're the ones who give numbers. This means that the real number could be 10, 1 million, anything in between. What I've read is that they probably give more of less accurate total numbers. What they fail to do, however, is distinguish between Hamas militants and civilians, and beteween civilians killed by IDF strikes, civilians killed by failed Hamas or Palestininan Islamic Jihad's rockets (which happens a lot), and Palestinians murdered by Hamas/PIJ (which also happens, a whole damn lot). They also don't specify how many civilians they have prevented or tried to prevent from evacuating or receiving aid.

11k dead people is a horrible number. Even 1 dead person is a horrible number. However, urban warfare in such a densely populated area is its own kind of hell, especially when the other side is fond of using civilians as human shields in every way possible. The fact that the number is 11k and not 50k, 100k, and so on, indicates that the IDF have indeed done a lot to minimize deaths. You don't genocide people by doing roof knocks, opening evacuation lines, dropping guided bombs, putting up an Iron Dome to deal with rockets while avoiding escalation, etc. simply because actual genocide, while a lot worse, is also cheaper, easier and faster than what they're doing. This is important because caling every act of war genocide dilutes the word, and there are actual genocides happening around the world. Also, there is a difference between striking military targets and causing civilian deaths as a side effect (what the IDF is doing) and planning and carrying out a massacre deliberately targeting civilians and inflicting as much pain and humilliation as possible on them. And there is a difference between doing so by breaking a ceasefire (which is what Hamas did), and defending your country because if you don't do that a terrorist group will anhilate you (which is what the IDF is doing).

Back to Noah. So far, these are the things that people have tried to cancel him for:

Traveling to Israel (a completely normal thing)

Having Israeli friends (another completely normal thing)

Condemning Hamas' horrible attack on October 7th (the decent thing to do)

Posting a statement saying he feels unsafe as a Jewish person in the US (which, given the rise of antisemitic acts in the world, including the US, including where he lives and where he studies, is a valid feeling to have)

Signing a letter, along with Shawn Levy, Brett Gelman, Ross Duffer and I think Cara Buono, asking Biden to press for the liberation of every hostage by Hamas. This especially shows the utter ignorance of the cancellers because, as it turns out, caring about every hostage implies a slowdown of IDF's actions (and, at the time, a delay of a ground invasion).

Supporting the existence and preservation of the state of Israel (once again, a completely normal thing). The fact that people are turning against him for these things says to me that the real reason you are all hating Noah is beacuse:

He's Jewish. Like, really really Jewish.

And the fact that this all comes from a place of antisemitism isn't hidden at all: I've seen y'all on here, on Twitter, Reddit, every other social media calling him slurs (such as "cunt"), censoring his name, pretending he's not part of the cast, asking the Duffers/Netflix to fire him, wishing him failure, doxxing him, calling on his classmates to physically assault him, etc. He doesn't need to educate himself: you guys are already teaching him a great lesson on why a Jewish state is necessary. If that's the treament he gets from his own "fans", what can he expect from the world at large?

[jaykayfictions]

My high-school worst enemy | Park Jimin ff part 9.

summary: Park Jimin was a jerk and you hated him your entire time in high school, but what happens when he isn't the asshole he appears to be?

genre: angst and fluff, enemies to lovers au.

warnings: swearing, a bit of violence and bullying.

author's note: sorry for the late update there's been a lot of school work lately. This chapter is extremely long, I'm sorry (＞﹏＜) it's where the interesting parts of the next chapter is built, just a fore warning it's not proof read so please pardon me for the mistakes you come across. Enjoy!

"So if you have 1 as the number rounded to one significant figure, the lower bound will be what?" He asked awaiting your answer. You blinked. Once, twice. But your head was blank, your brain couldn't process a single word he had said for the past ten minutes of the session. You were definitely not gonna choose maths as your major in uni. Hell nah. You kept trying to use his example as a guide but you always ended up getting stuck.

Your lips parted to tell him that you didn't understand but of course he already knew, so he beat you to it, causing you to close your mouth. It's 0.5 because 1 minus 0.5 is 0.5 and 1 plus 0.5 is 1.5....." he sighed "I know it's confusing but it'll come up many times in the exam so you have to be good at it. You really couldn't be frustrated especially when he volunteered; considering how desperate you are, you weren't gonna decline anyway.

But how could someone be so goddamn smart and hot as fuck at the same time? You were actually shocked and your jaw dropped to the ground when Jimin started writing complex equations down on a paper at the beginning of the lesson and then his glasses. His fucking glasses. It made him look so cute; like a nerd but a hot one. Who knew the 'hot' Park Jimin wore glasses? You really had a hard time focusing on his explanation, when he himself was a distraction.

His veiny hands, sharp jawline, pouty, pink and plum lips- you actually wondered how they would feel against yours; soft or thick? Before whacking yourself for your indecent thoughts- his muscular thighs and flexing biceps, his hair, ruffled from him running his hands through it constantly. Goodness you, he was a full package. You spent most of your time ogling him.

"I know you're wondering why it's 0.5 when in the first example it's 0.05...." He explained snapping you out of your thoughts. "The reason is because the first question is rounded to one decimal place while the second one is rounded to two decimal places. If it's two decimal places you divide 0.01 by 2 giving you 0.005, then you subtract 0.005 from 0.01 to get the lower bound and add 0.005 to 0.01 to get the upper bound." You looked like a helpless puppy, you had no clue about what Jimin was talking about and you froze trying to take in all the information at once but it felt like all he was saying was coming in through one ear and leaving through the other.

You were never gonna cheerlead ever again because you couldn't even understand what a fucking lower bound meant. You didn't mean to but it just happened.All the feelings of frustration and sadness had caused angry tears to spill from your eyes; curse the creator of the stupid subject, curse Ms. Lee for her brutal decision, and curse yourself for being so slow and dumb. If there was one thing you hated it was not being able to something.

''Hey,hey,hey. It's okay, let's take a break.'' He ushered softly, swiftly dropping his pen to bend down in front of you so you were the same height. (face to face with each other). ''No it's not okay, I'm shit at maths. I'm making things harder for you and m a complete mess!" U exclaimed, wiping your tears with the sleeves of your jumper before chocking on a sob.

''Did I say that though?'' He asked in such a soft and comforting tone that made you want to fall into his embrace. ''No.'' You mutter, lowering your gaze, avoiding eye contact with him, suddenly finding your jumper more interesting. ''Look at me.'' He whispered ''You looked up shyly and you knew the pink tint on your cheeks exposed your bashfulness. If he noticed he didn't point it out, maybe because it wasn't the right time.

He looked so serious and his eyes were filled with warmth and his lips were stretched in a small soft smile that caused your heart to flip over. ''Look, I understand, maths is not an easy subject and it sucks but you have to be better so you start cheer leading again....'' Just when you thought he was actually going to be very serious he- ''.....I don't wanna sound cocky but you'd be better with me tutoring you than any other person.'' -Jimin and his stupid egotistical smug self reappears; he's so annoying! Can't even live a day without hyping himself, but you found it funny. You laughed and his famous smug smile appears on his lips before becoming a grin.

''Besides, only me can keep up with your shit.'' You gasped dramatically and swatted his bicep, your reason for crying long forgotten. ''I still haven't thanked you, you know?'' You smile gratefully at him as he repositions himself in his chair. ''For what?'' ''For saving me the other day from Yeji and for helping me with this. I really appreciate it.'' You motioned your hands towards the books indicating that you were talking about him tutoring you.

''We're friends, aren't we?'' He smiled warmly. '' It's kinda funny though.'' You clacked your tongue. ''What's funny?'' He questioned. '' It's funny how you're protecting me when you used to be in their position before.'' You arched your brow, daring him to say something stupid or mutter a nasty and snarky comment in his head about why he hated you then, but of course he never failed to surprise you.

''I didn't bully you, no way that's classified as bullying. It's called picking on someone.'' He said smugly. He was being so cocky over a stupid justification. ''I like your confidence but isn't picking on someone the same as bullying?'' ''Whatever, I only did that because I thought you were cute when you were mad.'' He shrugged as if it was nothing. You literally felt your heart leap out of your chest at his words.

He thinks you're cute, Oh My Gosh! He thinks you're cute! You shy away from his gaze trying to hide the blush on your cheeks. Now it made sense of why he'd always egg you on just so you explode like a bomb with a scowl of an angry bird. This guy was doing things to you.

''I'm sorry about crying earlier....'' You meekly apologized ''I get really emotional at this time of the month.'' Your cheeks heated up. You were indirectly telling him that you were on your period and it's so freaking embarrassing, why did it slip out like that? You internally cringed, replaying your statement in your head. He must feel very uncomfortable.

''Oh.'' He mouthed. ''I understand,no need to apologize. You girls are strong I swear, I would literally kill myself if I woke up to see my cock bleeding and hurting as hell.'' He joked and of course you laughed but you knew he was serious and the grimace on his face was proof of it. ''How do you know it hurts?'' ''I have a sister you know? In case you've forgotten. I help her with her cramps and mood swings when she's on.'' He shrugged. ''Aawn you're such a caring brother.....'' You cooed finding the mental image cute.

''...Taehyun just asks why on earth God gifted him two sisters 'cause he can't handle our emotional baggage.'' You rolled your eyes. If anyone amongst your family had the most emotional baggage it would be Taehyun. His feelings are so messed up. You’re not surprised though, when he’s already a mess on a normal day.

It took you literally five months to convince him to confess to Yuna. At least he’s out of your hair now, too busy playing around with his girlfriend. “Wow, crazy.” His countenance in mild shock. “I know right.” You and Jimin somehow ended up having a random debate on which was the best sweetener; honey or maple syrup in which he won of course.

“Honey is naturally made from bees and is suitable for vegans and vegetarians, while maple syrup is just sugar in liquid form, so what’s your point?” He mocking asked already knowing he’s won. “I don’t care anymore, whatever.” You rolled your eyes for the nth time.

You walked him to the door and bid him goodbye. Your parents have met Jimin a couple of times even Jungkook’s sister Somi has seen him as well and she’s hell bent on getting you two to date as quick as possible and it’s kinda annoying how literally almost everyone-or in fact everyone you meet ship you both but it’s only attraction. Nothing else. There’s no spark, no crush, nothing apart from being regular friends; you really don’t know what they’re fussing about.

Walking-more like dragging your feet to detention was so infuriating. How are teachers so evil, stupid, smart and annoying as fuck at the same time? ''Every one makes mistakes, we're all human.'' They all say, yet they never admit that they're the ones at fault. Fuck Mrs. Min. Getting newly married has surely gotten to her head. Does she think cuz she she just got back from her honeymoon she can just make children's lives hell?

A normal person after their honeymoon would be bursting with joy and happiness but Mrs. Min was lashing out in anger and frustration (she wasn't even normal to start with). Did her husband leave her during her little vacation? If he did then congrats to him. He ust saved his life; he probably did due to her inner demons. (she rages like a pit bull). If he didn't then good luck to him for signing up for hell. At least you're not her husband.

It fucking pisses you off when all she does is to force her mistakes on you and say you're wrong. That's why no single person-not even the teachers like or respect her. She's giving the ' I'm a baddie and I can do whatever I want now 'cause I'm married' vibes. Well, newsflash you're a teacher not a high school mean girl and your hubby is a secretary not Yoon Suk Yeol (the president of South Korea) so what the fuck is she on about?

Entering the classroom you're met with the sight of Ms. Han. She gives you a soft smile. You loved this woman, not romantically though; you were as straight as a metal ruler. She was the kindest teacher you've encountered or have been taught by so far. She always smiled and was very bubbly and now she is engaged which also made her so energetic, unlike Ms.Min.

You reciprocated her smile and went to sit at the back of the classroom because sitting at the front draws attention, little did you know that it was the exact opposite that was about to happen. A few moments later Jimin arrived, he was late, as usual. He got told off and apologized and of course Miss Han would forgive him. His eyes flickered across the classroom looking for an empty seat when his gaze landed on you.

He seemed surprised because one, why on Earth were you in detention? For all he knew, you were a badass that puts on a good girl facade just so teachers never believe it when you get in trouble. You could decide to be a typical bad girl but never had the time for detention when you had practice three times a week, but now that you're out for a while maybe you've decided to test the waters a little. And two, why were you sulking? You looked cute though.

He spotted a vacant spot next to you and this motherfucker walked to the back of the class to take a seat, slouching and manspreading his legs casually. ''So what's your reason for being here? You never get detention.'' He raised his eyebrow with a look of suspicion. ''Not even a hello, how rude.'' You scoffed. ''And why should I say hello when I've seen you more than twice today?'' He snorted causing you to roll your eyes at his obviously pointless question.

''Whatever, I'm here cuz the newly wedded Mrs Min lost my homework and instead of owning up to it her stupid ass blamed me for it.'' Your jaw clenched at the memory, thinking of ways to kill her without going to jail. ''That definitely sounds like what she'd do.'' His expression beguile due to you not trying to hide your hatred for her.

''So what did you do this time? I know for a fact that you spend most of your time here.'' ''You're wrong. I spend most of my time at basketball club. Anyway, a girl snaked us out, well she technically lied that we were in a gang, no proof, no evidence, just words from the mouth and bam! ended up here.'' He sighed, his hands flying in frustration. ''Crazy shit.'' You snorted.

''Teachers really are devils without horns, 'understanding and trustworthy' my foot.'' Jimin scoffed. ''Do you have a foot kink?'' You blabbered so quick. ''What the fuck? No and how the hell do you know what a kink is? I thought you were innocent!'' He exclaims, his eyes wide in shock. ''Of course I'm innocent! Did you forget that I have a brother and a best friend that have sex almost all the time?'' You put on a poker face. ''That means you're not innocent!'' His exclamation worsening. ''Bro chill, it's not that deep.'' You snorted.

''You don't have to worry, next time I'll be your witness.'' You sigh dramatically, patting his shoulder and nodding your head side to side with a fake sorrowful expression. Almost as if you were mocking him. You somehow managed to resurface the topic. ''You weren't there though and just so you know, there's no way in hell that there'll be a next time!'' He exclaimed once more. ''Cameras don't work, you dumbass.'' You slapped his bicep. ''Ow!'' He whined even though it didn't hurt. ''What's your problem with my bicep?'' He huffed.

''I don't care about your bloody biceps, by the way, what did you mean by 'us' when you said the 'girl' snaked you out?'' You questioned, wanting to know who was involved. ''The entire BTS of course.'' He shrugged. Wait. If he said the entire BTS it meant that Jungkook was apart as well and he said he was 'going for a run.' What a liar. You should have known, judging by his outfit.

''If you're wondering why they're not here it's 'cause they're in the other detention room.'' He explained answering your unasked question. ''That little shit, I'll kick his ass when I get home.'' You grumbled earning a laugh from Jimin. ''Count me in as well, he's annoyed me too much today.'' Detention wasn't that bad to be honest, you both laughed, joked and had fun, drawing the attention of other students as you looked like a couple fresh out of a k-drama scene.

Miss Han however, couldn't care less about conversations as long as her nap wasn't disturbed, you could talk as much as you wanted. She wasn't going to wake up anytime soon, from the looks of things she was in dreamland. When detention was over you both packed your belongings and made your way to the other detention room. The rest of BTS were making their way out when you and Jimin arrived.

Jungkook's eyes widened when he spotted you at the door. ''Run.'' Taehyung whispered. And that's what he did, he ran as fast as he could. ''Hey! Where are you going you piece of shit?!'' You shouted while removing your shoe from your right foot before running after him. He sped up but of course you were a sprinter, he had the legs but you had the speed. You caught up to him and jumped on his back causing him to stumble and almost lose his balance. ''You son of a bitch, you lied to me, I thought we said no more secrets. You broke your promise you stupid maggot!'' You shouted before hitting his back multiple times.

''Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm sorry, can you get off me now?'' You got off him and fixed your hair while Jungkook dusted his back and adjusted his clothes. ''You owe me.'' You pointed accusingly at him. ''Fine, whatever you say.'' He rolled his eyes, slowly pushing your hand down. ''What do you want?'' He sighed. ''An answer.'' You smiled cheekily. ''But you never asked me a question.'' ''Okay promise you'll keep it between us.'' You said just in case. ''I promise.'' He impatiently muttered ''Pinky?'' You raised your aforementioned finger. ''Pinky promise.'' He sighed once more. You both crossed your pinkies.

''If u break it I'll make sure to actually kill you.'' You threatened, glaring at him sharply. '' You wanted to kill me?'' He gaped at you dramatically. ''Anyway moving on, do you know the girl who snaked you guys out?'' You ask, ignoring his silly act. His eyebrows scrunched in thought. ''No, I don't think so. The principal made the person anonymous.'' He shrugged. ''Then how do you know it's a girl?'' You asked adding two and two together. '' 'Cause she referred to her as a 'she', quite a mistake on her part.'' He answered unaware of your uneasy expression. ''Oh, okay see you at home then. Thanks for the information, bye.'' You headed out. Now you had all you needed to know.

''What the fuck was the meaning of the stunt you pulled?'' You angrily marched towards Yeji with your blood boiling. ''What stunt?'' Was this bitch really trying to act clueless? ''You snitched on them didn't you? Don't play dumb with me, I already figured it out.'' You scoffed eyeing her while crossing your arms, you raised your brow daring her to say something stupid. ''It wasn't me.'' She babbled rather quickly. ''Now leave me the fuck alone.'' She shouted walking away, bumping into your shoulder in the process. This bitch was getting on your nerves.

''Jimin! Jimin! Where are you?!'' You called for him as you climbed up the stairs. You've been very familiar with his house and his maids; they were very nice, especially his ahjumma. His siblings were as annoying as he described them, maybe even worse. They were so rude and mean. It felt like every time they looked at you they were judging you. Thank God you had Rosé or else your interactions with them would have been more than awkward. Not like you even want to communicate with them.

As you walked down he hallway you spotted a familiar door and you opened it. As you got in you were met with the sight of a post shower, shirtless Jimin in grey sweatpants, water dripping down his toned chest and fuck his tattoos. They make him look even hotter as he dried his hair with a towel. How the fuck did he have tattoos at eighteen?! you weren't complaining when it made him look more attractive. It took you thirty seconds- which was too long- to realize that you were ogling him. How embarrassing.''Umm.'' You cleared your throat. ''I'll get going, call me when you cover this up.'' You waved your hands in circles towards his milky and buff ass chest before rushing out. Damn his abs- his fucking abs!!!

''Y/N you can come in!'' Jimin called out from his room. ''Oh okay.'' You responded walking into the room and he finally had a shirt on. (It was a plain black t shirt) Thank fuck! 'If we don't stop undressing me with your eyes we wouldn't get anything done, now let's start the lesson.'' Oh the lesson, you totally forgot. You couldn't be blamed though when a whole plate of dessert was served for your eyes to see two minutes ago. ''Oh yeah.'' You awkwardly chuckled trying to ease the tension.

''I think my dick is broken.'' Jimin sighs exasperatedly, throwing his head back against his chair. This guy and dick problems, goodness me. First it's always hard and now it's broken. He has been teaching you for a while and you're proud to say that you're back on track (not like you've ever been on track in maths before) your maths grade grade determines whether you continue doing what you love or not.

It was hard at first, meltdowns, crash outs, confusion and sadness happened most times before it became natural to solve a statistic question. All thanks to Jimin, the little shit keeps bragging about his tutoring skills. You were both currently sitting in the dinning hall while the others went up to get food. ''What's wrong with your dick this time?'' You also sighed, tired of his every day problems. ''It's not been hard in like forever, I can't even remember the last girl I fucked. It's preventing me from hooking up and before you say anything else for your information it's always hard.'' It's really amusing how he alks so freely about his dick, you couldn't imagine yourself telling someone not even Jungkook that your pussy doesn't work. Never in a thousand years! Not like you've had sex before anyway.

''And what about the hot girls?'' You cocked your eyebrow. ''Nah, tried that already.'' He sighed once more. ''Okay, look for a girl with the biggest, plumest ass you've ever seen.'' You proposed already on the look out for one. ''And what if that's you?'' His question caught you off guard causing you to choke on air. ''Holy shit! Are you confessing to me that you stare at my ass?'' Your eyebrows lifted in disbelief. ''I'm just gonna say that it's huge and I may have looked at it a few times, I can't lie. You can't blame me though, when it's that big of course I'm gonna stare.'' The idiot smirked.

''Whatever you say perv.'' You scoffed. ''Hey don't call me that!'' He playfully glared at you but you really couldn't care less, 'cause you know he can't do anything. ''Okay back to the conversation, how about someone with a round, huge ass?'' ''And what if that's you again?'' He shamelessly smirked. ''Seriously, what's your problem with my ass?'' You crossed your arms against your chest. ''When it's that huge? Of course it's gonna be a problem. He blatantly licked his lips.

''Dumb ass bitch.'' You rolled your eyes, eating more of your bulgogi. ''Excuse me? With an ass that big and you expect me to look away, show it off more will ya?'' The dim wit thinks you don't know that he wants you to flash him your ass. ''So boys ogle me or worse slap my ass out of no where like I'm a school thot? Oh hell no, no thank you.'' You shook your head before sipping some water. ''Calm your tits down young lady.'' Did he just- you chocked on your water and looked at him in bewilderment, but before you could say the long list of insults you were planning to pour on him straight from your head the boys appeared; always at the wrong time.

''What are you guys talking about? Y/N looks like she wants to kill you Jimin.'' Tae the winter bear asked, his attention directed towards his strawberries. ''I just found out that this dunce checks me out.'' You emphasize on the 'dunce', giving Jimin a nasty side-eye. ''Oh.'' was all Yoongi dryly said with no ounce of surprise before they all burst out laughing. ''You just noticed?'' Joonie guffawed. ''You guys knew and didn't think to tell me?!'' You felt so betrayed right now. ''What did you expect us to say? 'Oh Y/N Jimin stares at your ass!' Oh hell nah. Hobi snorted. Here comes his sass ''I mean we're guys so...'' Jungkook agreed. Feeling defeated you pouted glaring at them for not taking your side, they were right though.

''Y/N you must know that Jiminie is so whipped for you, of course he'll check you out, he can't even think of another girl.'' Jin 'oh so conveniently' chirped, as a result the elder receives a whack on his head from Jimin. ''Hyung shut up and don't call me that ever again.'' The younger cringed. ''Yah! How dare you hit me?! Is this how you treat your elders?'' And the famous never ending Jin rap begins.

Jimin was coming over to your house today and you were alone with Jennie due to your parents visit to your grandparents house and Taehyun going on a rewards trip for 100% attendance. He's never fully present and he gets to go on a rewards trip? This is how you know everything the school does is rigged. You've not missed a day of school since 9th grade no matter how sick you were and you've never gotten picked to go on a rewards trip. 100% attendance my ass.

You heard the doorbell ring indicating Jimin's arrival. You scurried to open the door. ''What took you so long?'' He asked shrugging off his leather jacket and taking off his black boots. This block head has the audacity to talk like he was waiting for five minutes. ''You didn't even wait for up to two minutes.'' You rolled your eyes . ''One minute is still too long.'' Before you could clap back Jennie interrupted you. Why always when you have a perfect comeback? Always at the wrong time.

''Unnie who's this?'' She asked, her two big almond shaped eyes staring at you. She and Jimin have not met yet due to you always hanging out at his place. ''Oh uh, this is my friend, Jimin.'' You introduced him to her. ''Hi, I'm Jimin, what's your name?'' He smiled sweetly. Aawn-wait what! eew! ''Jennie..'' She answers before staring a you innocently. ''Noona, is he the cute boy you told Kookie oppa about?'' ''Kim Jennie!'' You interrupted causing her to giggle, not wanting her to scare Jimin off, even though he won't leave. ''Oh?'' The brat arched his brow with a cocky smirk.

''Jennie go finish your homework.'' You softy ushered, wnting an excuse to send her off before she blurts out all the silly things you've done in the past. ''Okay.'' She nodded, heading towards her room not before waving at Jimin. ''You had a sister and you didn't tell me?!'' Jimin exclaimed. ''Not my fault you're so smart yet so dumb.'' You scoffed, walking your way into the kitchen with Jimin trailing behind you. ''What do you mean by that?''

''I told you my brother has two sisters with emotional baggage, didn't I?'' You question, pouring some pear juice into a cup. You knew it was his favorite and recently you've developed a liking for it. ''Oh yeah, it makes sense now, your little sis is cute, I think she likes me.'' And his stupid cocky smirk appears once more. ''Shut up.'' You hand him the glass and exit the kitchen before sitting down on the couch with Jimin following suit.

A few moments later Jennie comes downstairs with her school book in her hand saying that she doesn't understand it. You all sit around the coffee table and solve the problem, both you and Jimin explain to her, making her understand. Being the bubbly and over excited Jennie, she jumps on you both and hugs you tightly with a squealed 'thank you.' You both spent your time babysitting Jennie until your parents came home. Jimin is very cool with kids you must say, you'd never tell him though- his ego is already over the roof a small compliment would take it to space. He looked so happy when Jennie laughed at his jokes. Then and there while staring at him with stars in your eyes you realized that you've developed a crush on him. Shit.

It's been a few months of a lot of hardships and today is full of tension because it's the day you get your final maths results. Youy were so nervous that even your palms were sweaty and your legs were shaking. Your grades would be written on your report card but your teacher allowed you to have a sneak peek. He handed you your paper and checked the top of the paper. Time for the truth.

''Jimin!'' You shrieked, he turned towards your direction and you ran towards him, hugging him like a koala. ''Woah, what got you so excited?'' Not like he was complaining, he hugged you back. ''Thank you.'' You whispered. ''You got your maths grade I see.'' He chuckles as you lowered your feet to the ground. ''Yes! I got a grade 8! an A on my maths test! I hardly ever get a B, thank you so much!'' You exclaimed in pure excitement. ''Good job.'' He patted your head gently. ''What did you get on your paper?'' U asked, your doe eyes staring at him in curiosity.

''I got full marks, an A*.'' He smugly smiled. For him to ace his test he had to be that smart. You weren't surprised though, you predicted that he'll get above an A but you didn't expect him to get full marks. You still can't believe this was the Jimin you thought was dumb, well he kinda is, he's book smart but street foolish- if that makes sense or is even a word. Looking around you notice an overwhelming amount of people watching your interactions with Jimin making you uncomfortable. But who gives a fuck about what they think? Definitely not you.

Two weeks later and you're back to cheerleading. Today is different. You want to make an effort to look pretty just for the fun of it. You curl your hair, put on some light makeup and chose the outfit you want to wear. It was a tight black leather mini skirt with a white corset crop top, a black pocket detail cropped trench jacket and knee length combat boots.

Walking down the stairs you felt so confident; you were going to rock school today. The moment Jungkook set his eyes on you they popped out of their sockets before it changed into a teasing smile. Somi had a similar reaction but she ended up squealing. ''Oh I see you girl! Make those boys sorry for being taken!'' Her hype caused you to smile shyly. But of course the imbecile next to her had to ruin the mood. ''All dolled up for Jimin huh?'' His noddy smirk plastered on his face.

''Is he that cute guy that comes over frequently?'' Somi squeals even more causing you to snort. ''Hell no, I just decided to put an effort, you know?'' You explained earning you a snort and a scoff from both siblings, they definitely weren't convinced. Do you care? No. ''Meet me outside, bye.''

Arriving at school you noticed some eyes on you and God did you hate attention. But a voice you've come to familiarize yourself way too well with called your name causing your shoulders to unintentionally relax. ''Hey.'' You waved at him. ''Woah, woah, woah, turn around.'' You did as he said in confusion. ''What's all this for? M'not complaining just curious.'' Jimin licked his lips. ''Perv.'' You rolled your eyes. ''You sure you wore panties? Horny boys are everywhere.'' This bone head asked with a smirk. ''Fuck you.'' You rolled your eyes for the second time in less than one minute. You turned around and before you could react Jimin ran up to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder.

''Calm down I was just joking.'' He smiled. This was he closest Jimin has ever physically been with you. You never saw him this close before and shit he was cute. He was so close that if you moved your head closer to his your lips would touch. You really wanted to kiss him right now, but why? ''I know you were.'' His soft smile made you breathless, gosh why was he so darn attractive? ''I'll buy you your favorite ferrero rocher chocolate.'' ''Really?! You're the best-'' Your excitement didn't last too long though. Before you could call Jimin the best person ever a cup of orange juice splattered all over you, staining your white shirt.''

On the day you decided to look pretty. Wow you have the best luck! Really? Just when you thought you'll rock and the school will be shocked and this happens? It's not even time for the first class! Your blood begins to boil as your body surges with anger. Your reaction was okay compared to Jimin's. He was a raging bull. Long gone was the teasing and playful Jimin, the only emotions shown were fury and rage. Turning to the direction the cup came from, you see Yeji, which infuriates you even more. ''Now you're just gonna play boyfriend and girlfriend now, huh? After all I've done for you?!'' The bitch scoffed.

''And what have you done for me?! Mention one fucking thing you did for me! You don't know when to stop do you? Yeji we're done, anything you think we had- anything at all is over, okay? I don't like you, just take the fucking hint! You are dead to me! Jimin growls, his words like acid. Damn Yeji needs a reality check. You couldn't be mad anymore when Jimin got angry in your place and Yeji got humiliated in front of the whole school. It could have been better if you had popcorn and some diet coke. Oh well.

Turning around to meet your gaze Jimin's demeanor softens. ''I'm so sorry about that, do you have extra clothes?'' He softly sighed. ''No and don't apologize, it wasn't your fault.'' You mumble, trying to rub off the wet patches of orange juice from your shirt. ''I have a hoodie I can lend you, it's in my locker, let's go.'' Without waiting for your response Jimin took your hand and dragged you away from the scene, leaving a dumbfounded Yeji behind. His touch felt electrifying, you swear that you felt butterflies erupt in your stomach. You decided to ignore it. For now.

''This should do, right?'' You asked, feeling self conscious all of a sudden. This was the first time you have ever worn any of Jimin's clothing yet it felt so intimate. It smelled musky yet so soft and it reeked of his signature Dior cologne. You definitely aren't giving this back. ''Yes it's fine, you look cute in it.'' Oh gosh, he had that sweet and sincere smile and you felt blush rise to your cheeks. What the fuck is happening to you? ''Umm thanks.'' You coughed out awkwardly. ''Now let's get to class before we're late.'' He slung his bag on his shoulders.

You had asked the P.E teachers if you could use the toilet and she said yes only for you to return and find out that they had left you alone and went to the sports trip without you. Due to teachers not being able to teach one student you had to play with the boys and guess what?! The sport they coincidentally had to play was BASKETBALL! Wow, fucking amazing! You are now fully convinced that the only luck you have is bad luck.

You were going to play basketball with the boys, instead of being on a trip which is obviously worse. But how the fuck could you cope with thirty boys playing basketball in the same court as you and you're shit at it?! 'Fuck my life' you thought. Too late now. ''Hey.'' Jungkook addressed you. ''Hi.'' You muttered in disappointment. You would be playing netball by now. What a terrible day. ''I asked Jimin if I could watch and he said yes so don't expect me to play, I'm terrible at it as you know.'' You explained. ''Of course it's Jimin, what a simp...'' Jungkook rolled his eyes. ''I mean that's what men do when they're in love.'' He teased. He didn't just say that did he?

''Take that back you dumb motherfucker, we're just friends.'' You sternly warned. ''Nope, and what stops friends from being lovers?'' He lifted his brow. This knobhead is not getting away this time. This was the moment he knew he fucked up. He started to run and you chase after him screaming a ''You bitch.'' Unknown to you both that the other boys were staring at you both, laughing loudly. ''He's done something stupid again.'' Namjoon sighed, nodding his head from side to side. ''Of course he would, he's Jungkook after all.'' Yoongi sightd as well, patting his shoulder while the rest of the members laughed.

''Y/N is closing in on Jungkook, oh boy, his ass is getting whooped. Taehyung cackled. As you closed in on him you jumped over his back and this time he fell. You weren't heavy but when you're running and a bag is thrown at you, of course you're gonna fall. You removed your shoe and hit him a couple of times until he was begging you to stop. ''If you ever call us lovers again you'll be put on the news for being beaten to death.'' You threatened, glaring daggers at him. If looks could kill Jungkook would be dead and buries six feet under. ''Let's play basketball shall we?'' You asked while walking away, not even sparing him a glance.

Turns out you were pretty good your P.E teacher was just trash. You could even dribble the ball! If this is what every P.E lesson for boys was then they should just forget you exist everytime so you could run away. Basketball is officially your favorite sport! Now you understood why they were called BTS. They stood by each other no matter what. You regret ever hating them in the past. You were walking home with Jimin just so he could buy what he promised you.

While walking the ringing of a phone interrupted your conversation about earlier events. It was Jimin's. He picked it up and paused for a while, listening to the person on the other end. He responded with an 'okay' and ended the call. ''Rosé needs my help with something, I'll need to see If i can do it, I promise you that I'll buy it for you tomorrow. I'm sorry I can't walk you home.'' He sighed, his expression downcast. ''It's okay. I understand, now get going, bye.'' You waved him off.

-----

Jimin's POV

Walking the other way, I check to see if the shop Rosé asked me to buy chocolates from was still open. Unfortunately, it wasn't so I walk back and dial her number. It rings twice before she answers. ''Hello, could you get it oppa?'' She asked. ''Sorry, I couldn't. It was closed. I sigh. I could feel her pout from the other side even though I can't see her. ''Okay, see you when you come home. Bye.'' In which I responded with a 'bye' before cutting the call. I look around and I notice four boys going in the same direction I just left Y/N.

Just to be sure she's safe I trail after them, leaving a little distance between us. ''This is our last chance to deal with her, we're getting paid loads to do this so we better not fuck this up.'' One of them voices. ''Yeah, it's just a small girl. There's four of us, it's going to be easy''. Another states. ''It's her fault though. She chose to mess with Yeji, she shouldn't be surprised when it happens.'' The third boy says. I make sense of all they're saying and it all adds up. Fuck. I left her alone. ''What the fuck are you guys going to do?'' I shout behind them, causing my presence to be known. Four heads turned towards my direction. One of the boys gasped but I couldn't care less. Y/N better be home by now.

---------

Time skip

Y/N's POV

You hear a knock at your door and you wonder who it may be. It couldn't be your parents because they are at Jennie's parent-teacher conference , even if it was them they have the key, and it can't be Jungkook because he has a key to your house as well. Maybe it was the neighbours but it doesn't make sense for them to come here at this time. It was currently 7:30 pm. You pushed your scary thoughts away and opened the door. The sight before you caused you to gasp.

It was Jimin. He looked battered and bruised. His lower lip was burst and his right cheek had a pink tint, most likely a punch mark. His knuckles were red and bloody and there was dried blood at the corner of his mouth. Your eyes glossed seeing him in this condition. You were very emotional and you knew how to hide it very well but one thing you hated was seeing the people you care about in pain. ''Come in.'' You sputtered, not letting him steak, your eyes wide in shock. He made his way in and settled down on the couch. ''Stay here, I'll bring the first aid kit.''

While cleaning up his wounds the question that had been spiraling round your head and biting at you to ask finally slips out. ''What happened?'' He hisses at the pressure of the towel you pressed against his face causing you to loosen your grip. ''I couldn't help Rosé buy what she wanted and I decided to walk home since I left my car at home because I lost a bet. Then I saw four boys headed towards the direction I left you. To ensure you were safe I followed them and then I overheard their conversation.'' He clears his throat.

''Yeji payed them to beat you up because apparently you messed with her. I asked them what the fuck they were doing and they attacked me. Well just so you know, if you think my injuries are bad you should see theirs.'' Even in this situation this jackass has the courage to smirk. What a jokester. You rolled your eyes. ''I'm not surprised about what Yeji did...'' Especially after your conversation with Sana. ''How did you even beat four guys?'' You asked your attention on his wounds. ''I do karate sometimes.'' He smirked cockily before his expression morphed into a serious one. ''So I just told you that someone planned to beat you up and you're not even reacting. What the hell do you know know? Tell me. His puppy eyes stared at you in curiosity and of course you agree. ''I met Sana on my way home.

------------

Earlier today

''Umm, hey. Are you Y/N?'' A familiar girl came up to you. ''Umm yeah?'' You answered, confused as to why a random person asks your name out of nowhere. ''You need to follow me not! You're not safe.'' She yelled. ''Why the fuck do you think I'll go with you?'' You questioned.

''Look, I need to tell you something important and in about fifteen minutes four guys will come beat you up.'' She rambles ''And how the fuck do you know that?'' ''I'll explain later, let's go somewhere more suitable to talk.'' She dragged you along with her, not listening to your protests. You both ended up at a small convenient store. ''Hello eomma! I'm back from school, I have a friend over, do you mind?'' She greets the woman at the counter, who is definitely her mom. ''Aniyo.'' Her mom replies before turning towards you. ''Come in and make yourself comfortable. Do you want some ramen?'' She warmly asked with a sweet smile. Oddly, she reminded you of Jimin's ajumma. ''Oh no thank you, I'm fine.''

The girl takes you to a table and offered you a seat which you obviously accepted. ''Spill.'' You curtly say as you settle in the comfortable chair. ''Oh yeah , I'm Sana, I'm sorry, it was rude of me to not introduce myself.... She rambled ''.....anyway Yeji hates you so much as you know, well she... Sana clears her throat, tears soiling her eyelids. ''.... made a bet with me and I lost so she dared me to bag Mark. I did for the fun of it but later it became a reality. I fell for him and I felt so bad that I was playing with his feelings but later we got closer and well, we're official but later Yeji began to threaten me with the fact that I only approached because of a dare and she'd make me do bad things for her. I couldn't complain because I haven't had the chance to tell him yet.'' She sighed regaining her breath.

''Okay? And what does that have to do with me?'' Your eyebrow arched. ''She's using me to break you and Jimin up and she wants to get you alone on purpose.She made me lie about BTS being in a gang so on the day of detention she'll catch you alone and teach you a lesson. She didn't know you had detention so it didn't work... She paused, regaining her breath once more ''.....She was planning to send the boys to you today. If I hadn't brought you here, you would be as battered as a rotten apple. I'm coming out clean and I'm sorry for the shitty things I did, It wasn't my fault. I was either that or I and Mark would be over.'' She pauses as tears trickle down her cheeks; she wipes it away and looks at you straight in the eye. ''I'm so fucking sorry for the things I did okay? Just watch out for Yeji, she's a devil.''

-------

Present

''What the fuck? I knew she was petty but to stoop this low is crazy.'' Jimin scoffs in disgust, his jaw clenching tight- he does this when he's angry- a thing you've come to notice. ''I know right, for a guy she's lost long ago, she really needs to wake up from the dream she thinks she's living in.'' You look outside and notice it's starting to get dark. ''I think you should get going now, it's getting dark. I can tell Jungkook to take you home, if you don't mind.'' ''Thanks.'' He mumbles before surprising you by enveloping you in a hug. ''No need to thank me.'' Even after sending him off with Jungkook your mind is still not settled. You are still worried about Jimin. There are a hundred instances playing in your head about what could happen to him.

You cried while cleaning up his wounds and you've not felt so much worry and unease for someone in a while and then it struck you like thunder. It fucking hit you like a tonne of bricks. Shit. You hated to see him hurt, it wasn't just a crush you were fucking in love with Park Jimin.

[mangodestroyer]

Anyone else regret going to college right out of high school?

Seriously wish I'd waited a few years and just got some work experience instead, to see what the real world is all about. While in the meantime, seriously pushing myself to do some career research.

I mean, I was at the top of my hs class and just assumed that me being good at math and science, and just picking whatever STEM field has the most jobs, would be the easiest and most secure bet for me. I also assumed that going straight to a rigorous engineering school, without prep or life experience, would work out.

Instead, I've become one of THOSE students who have switched majors a few times, AND schools. Took a couple breaks. STILL not entirely sure what I want to do. AND I passed the mark for graduating within four years.

And I've done extensive research on math jobs I can get with my background. I've already learned all the math that could possibly be considered useful to employers (outside of some rigorous study in differential equations, advanced calc, and statistics). So unless I really, REALLY want to go into academia, or shoot for a prestigious role in computer science, getting through theoretical math is really only worth if for the practice in logic exercises and for building a foundation, and should only be done as a hobby.

Not only that, but having a strong foundation in math isn't enough. You need to also learn a lot of programming, or you need to specialize in something like finances or engineering.

I know it's not really that big a deal. Like I said, I've taken so many college level courses in applied math. More than enough to have a minor in it. And literally, everything I've read said that employers are going to take that over someone who hasn't even touched calc 1 (if both candidates have the same qualifications otherwise). It definitely wasn't a waste of time. But I'm also not so sure I want to struggle for a few more semesters through rigorous proof writing courses when learning abstract math is just more fun when other people are doing the work. Especially if I did fine through a lot of the other math courses which, again, are useful. And ended up enjoying those more. I think I'd rather spend those last two years doing something that's more employable. At this point, I'd graduate within the same amount of time if I just transferred to something involving lots of applied math.

Also, I haven't taken an in person class in almost three years. As an introvert, I was okay with this for the longest time. Now... not so much. I don't know how we did it during COVID. I am now starting to understand why people hated it so much.

Honestly, good for the people who just knew what they wanted to do and got right to it/through it within a short span of time. But also, I totally get it now when adults, growing up, would talk about how they switched majors/careers a few times before finally settling on something. Also, I used to be a shitty teenager who thought flunking out of college was lazy and stupid (I bought into the whole "college degrees give you value in society" bs). Now, I don't even judge people if they drop out when they were close to graduating. Although a part of me still wants them to just go back and FINISH since they're so close.

[hanjinstant]

what subjects bts would teach at a school

jimin :: maths. this guy is flawless at maths, and we all know he used to get full marks on almost every test. maths as a subject isn't particularly well-loved, but he would be one of those cool teachers that makes you look forward to your lessons even if you hate the subject itself. unique selling points: charisma, enthusiasm and knowledge.

taehyung :: history. there has long been a stereotype that everyone has a crush on the history teacher (hi! aromantics i see you too ☺️) and honestly, this could only be for taehyung. he is so so so so fine but also through his instagram account we know that he has an interest in typically history teacher things like jazz, actual history and photography. unique selling points: passion, ability to make it romantic and fashion relating to the lessons.

hobi :: geography or pe. the enthusiasm and attention to detail this man his would be perfect for a job in either department, probably more towards geography. he's open minded and likes to travel, like anyone, so this would be a great way to fuel his passion. he would be the fun, not scary pe teacher (yes we all know pe teachers get a bit of a bad rep) and would incorporate ways to make the activities as much like dancing like possibly i.e. adding music to a game of tennis. unique selling points: caring nature, ability to read the room and again, enthusiasm.

namjoon :: art. the thoughtfullness of this man means he would be perfectly suited to a more laid-back lesson type, where students could paint and discuss topics like religion, current affairs and philosophy at the same time. his students would all love him and even say hi in the corridors, as well as ask him philosophical questions. unique selling points: down-with-the-kids, openness, relaxed nature.

yoongi :: ethics or philosophy. like namjoon, yoongi is clearly a very well rounded and balanced man, who is able to express his feelings pretty well. that's an underrated skill, actually. bottling up is 3000 x easier. philosophy or ethics would be the best choice for him as he appears to be very passionate about injustices and inequalities through the way he talks in interviews irl. he would be fairly reserved in general but when it comes to his lessons he would explode with colour and excitement. (that's an interesting thing to picture haha). he'd be one of those teachers that everyone likes and no-one would want to upset because he gives off major "disappointed not angry" vibes in lessons, when someone misbehaves. unique selling points: articulation of hard-to-swallow information, has a really great lesson pace, tranquility.

seokjin :: drama. i think he'd have to be teaching one of the arts, for sure. this man has so much confidence and energy which would reflect right onto his students and leave them feeling refreshed and excited after every drama lesson. irl, i can actually see actor jin in the future so this is just background proof haha. the kind to not over-advertise school plays because he knows loads of students will join anyway because he's the teacher and he's lots of fun. puts his heart and soul into the production and doesn't even act surprised when they ask him to do a cameo too. unique selling points: passion, infectious confidence and popularity.

jungkook :: a science of some sort. because, as we know, he's the golden maknae so he has pretty much natural-born talent in all aspects of life, so he'd be a versatile teacher for all three sciences: biology, chemistry and physics. he'd be the one to give the students the secret examiner tips for their assignments because he understands that a lot of doing well in exams is knowing how to interpret the questions they're asking. would finish each lesson off with a video explaining some of the more fantastical aspects of science, such as quantam physics, parallel universes, how many atoms would fit into x, cool facts about the human body. unique selling points: versatility, encouraging nature and knowledge.

[prettylittleproblem]

ur a gay unicorn. u can do math! what grade do u teach? I hated algebra but would not have minded being taught by u.

I love numbers. They've always just made sense to me, but no worries; I'm still a useless gay. I can't parallel park or reverse park. Woot woot!

I'm not a teacher. I'm a tutor at a high school. I work for a tutoring program that is contracted by a school district to tutor on-site. The majority of students that come see me come willingly since most algebra teachers offer extra credit and bonus points with every X amount of attendance (and proof of work).

[eldritchqueerture]

Point of View - Original Statement Fic

Point of View (5004 words) by LadyNikita Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Original Statement Giver(s) (The Magnus Archives) Additional Tags: Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives), Original Statement (The Magnus Archives), this was intended as the eye but evolved into the vast as well, happens, cosmic horror, attempt at Eldritch Madness, unreality, Discussions of pointlessness and meaninglessness, Canon-Typical The Vast Content (The Magnus Archives), from the eps about space, Mentions of Death, Compulsion, discussions of free will (kind of), Dissociation, Panic, Mentions of addiction, Leitner Book (The Magnus Archives), except it was not possessed by Leitner, Pretty Colours <3, Neurodivergent Protagonist, Queer Protagonist, because I can project a bit as a treat, Can Be Read Without Prior Knowledge of the Podcast (I think)

Summary: "Humans crave understanding. They strive towards knowing more and more, that’s what all science is about, isn’t it? To study, to learn and understand; to seek answers to questions. But are we really equipped to handle the answers we seek? Even if we were able to reach them, are our minds advanced enough to grasp the truths about the world we live in? What if there are things just beyond our understanding, lurking in the shadows of reality, peeking into our world just enough to feed on us, on our uncertainty and our pathetic scrambling towards answers that would only bring madness?" --- Statement of Lyria Ellison regarding a different point of view and the dangers of knowledge.

Notes: Hiiiiii <3 I've been reading Lovecraft recently and as much as I hate the dude, The Colour Out of Space gave me so much inspiration that I immediately sat down and produced this in one sitting. I've been meaning to play with the concept of eldritch madness for a while; something about this trope is really appealing to me and I'm really enjoying my attempts at shaping it with words. Lyria is a preexisting OC of mine, I will give some background on her in the end notes because I love her very much. This is a form of practice for me; I'm playing with horror themes and I'd like to get acquainted with them to better incorporate them into my overall writing. Therefore I will accept constructive criticism if anyone wants to give it, but only in the form of DMs, either on Tumblr (your-queer-vampire-dm) or on Discord, if we know each other through a server. All of the warnings I think should be mentioned are in the tags, but if you think something should be added then please tell me!

Date: May 10th , 2018

Name: Lyria Ellison

Subject of experience: A different point of view and the dangers of knowledge.

—

How do you start telling a story that changed your heart, your mind, and your soul so profoundly that you can barely still function in a society? How do you say all that without sounding borderline insane? Nobody knows what I’ve seen, what I’ve been through. I know they would all say I’ve hallucinated it all and should seek treatment. But I know it won’t help. I know… I know so much now. Too much and not enough. Never enough. I know what happened was real . I don’t have proof so I’m guessing you won’t believe me either, but I need to tell someone about it. So I might as well tell you.

My name is Lyria Ellison and I’m a neuropsychology major. Ex-major, I should say. I dropped out after… Yeah. I dropped out; there’s not much point in continuing studying things about the feeble, insignificant human brain. Utterly pointless venture.

Humans crave understanding. They strive towards knowing more and more, that’s what all science is about, isn’t it? To study, to learn and understand; to seek answers to questions. But are we really equipped to handle the answers we seek? Even if we were able to reach them, are our minds advanced enough to grasp the truths about the world we live in? What if there are things just beyond our understanding, lurking in the shadows of reality, peeking into our world just enough to feed on us, on our uncertainty and our pathetic scrambling towards answers that would only bring madness?

Just a year ago, I was convinced I was going to finish my degree. I was so passionate about it too, eager to learn more and more, to research and seek knowledge. Curious and fascinated by the world around us. What a foolish thing it was to give into that drive. My mind was open to the supernatural, although I always approached it scientifically; I never said the supernatural existed, but I also never said it didn’t. It was plausible; all in all, every scientist must accept that there is still a vast amount of knowledge we don’t have about the world.

The ignorance was a blessing. But I shall not get ahead of myself.

It started around December last year; my dad had died, and my girlfriend, Shawala, and I were clearing out his house. There wasn’t really anyone else to do it; my mother had passed a couple years prior, I had no siblings, and extended family was out of the picture as well; and my dad had gathered a lot of things in his adventurous life; he was a traveller, and he loved the world, loved learning about it, just like me. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with it all; my dad meant a lot to me back then, and Shawala proved an excellent support at that first shock. She promised to do some first view assessments of the ground floor, while I went to scope out how things looked in the attic.

It’s always either basements or attics, isn’t it? I used to read horror, Lovecraftian was my favourite – how ironic, isn’t it? How stupid . How utterly ignorant. The hubris of the human race at its finest.

Anyways, the attic was half-lit from the small windows in the roof, and dust was swirling in the faint light of the afternoon sun. It was cold here, but I didn’t pay much mind; the house was old, and it wasn’t surprising that there was draft. To say the space was cluttered would be an understatement; I could barely walk around the numerous boxes, old furniture, crates, and overflowing bookshelves; all of which made something in my chest curl tight, bringing tears to my eyes. I steered my steps towards the nearest bookshelf; I’ve always been a bookworm, fascinated by nearly any tome I came across; I’ve been reading popular science books since I was eight. So naturally, I was drawn to the books, taking huge steps above the cardboard boxes and careful not to hit anything else.

The books were old, of course, and dusty. Some of them had loose pages, and I treated them very gently, almost reverently. I have a little bit of a bookbinder streak, and I decided I would take them home and try to put them back together. As I rifled through them, I saw they pertained to a vast variety of subjects, from poetry, drama, and history, to science, metaphysics, and maths. The deeper I looked into this stunning collection, the more reverence rose in my heart; at my fingertips I had the oldest and the biggest accumulation of knowledge I had ever seen. I saw some books dated back even two hundred years ago.

At that point Shawala called me to check if I was alright. I put the book I had in my hands back and my knuckles brushed against the black leather cover of the next one on the shelf. I felt pleasant tingling in my palm at the touch and my heart leaped at the prospect; I didn’t know why –  the book seemed ordinary enough on the shelf and there was no title on its spine.

I sometimes wonder if I could have just left it there and gone downstairs; chosen to come back later and then maybe, it wouldn’t have enticed me as it did. If, by that point, I had had any choice left on the matter.

Alas, intrigued by the book, I placed my palm on the spine and took it out. The leather was soft and smooth, probably sheep, with familiar subtle grains all over the texture. I remember it striked me as odd that it was warmer than the rest of the books in the drafty attic, but I shrugged it off. The front cover had a title, small but visible in the centre, etched in gold – Punctum Visus .

I, by all means, cannot read or speak Latin, but I figured it was something to do with vision. I opened the book, an unknown anticipation buzzing in my stomach. The pages were worn and old, their texture was slightly rough but pleasant under my fingertips; as I opened the front page, I saw the title again, this time in thick but still elegant, black letters, and the smell came up to my nostrils.

I tried to describe it in my head countless times after. I always loved the smell of old books, and I knew it very well, so it came to me as a surprise to realize it wasn’t the only smell I could feel from the book. It was… cold, somehow, distant but prickling at my nose, a little bit the way peppermint tastes. It reminded me of the night sky and distant stars somehow. The smell awakened an unease within me, as I couldn’t quite place what it was and why it seemed so weird , but it wasn’t by any means unpleasant. It was… enticing. Like a promise of a mystery.

I breathed it in again through my nose, closing my eyes, and for a moment I lost all feeling in my body. I was untethered and immaterial, somewhere in deep darkness that seemed to envelop me whole. It felt cold on my mind, stretching it thoughtlessly in the empty vastness, and I saw distant flickering lights of stars. Before I could form a coherent thought, I was back in myself, panting and shaking, staring at the front page of the Punctum Visus . I looked around with shaky breaths; the attic looked the same, and Shawala’s steps on the stairs reached my ears, with her voice calling my name. A shiver passed down my spine, causing goosebumps to bloom on my skin; was it the draft, the dread, or the excitement I couldn’t tell.

I knew I had to read this book, no matter what it took for me to do so.

I took it home, almost forgetting about the rest of the books upstairs. It had spent the next month laying in my room, as I dealt with the formalities and moving the rest of things that weren’t sold from the house either to my place or to charity. After the day we left the house for the last time, I collapsed in my bed, exhausted, but instead of closing, my eyes fell on the book unassumingly waiting on my nightstand.

A surge of excitement passed through me, waking me right up. I sat up and reached for the book. It was still warm; I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad, but warm it was. I think it made me subconsciously assign it more… being? Like, even before I knew anything, I somehow subconsciously accepted that it was more than just an object; that it was, in a sense, alive on its own. I brushed my fingers on the cover, feeling the texture of the leather and the etching of the letters. In the meantime during this month I had checked the meaning of the title – Point of Sight; a position from which a thing is or is supposed to be viewed. It makes so much sense now.

But then I didn’t know what dangers it held; or I didn’t want to think about them. I do remember feeling anxious, my hands trembling every time I opened the cover, but it was so mingled with exhilaration of the certainty I was discovering something important that I must have disregarded it. As I turned the pages, I wasn’t surprised to find the text in Latin; though I still felt a pang of frustration that it meant I couldn’t read it for now. I rifled through the pages, looking curiously at the letters that formed words yet unattainable to me. There was a hunger inside of me; a hunger to Know. As I turned the pages past various symbols, illustrations of the constellations, and of Earth, I determined it must be some sort of a metaphysical work. The point of view on the world around us.

Normally I just skim through works like this and leave them. While they are an interesting read sometimes, they’re not my favourite genre and, looking objectively, putting in the effort of learning a whole language just for the sake of reading a treatise on the meaning of cosmos by an unknown author seems strange at best. But somehow it seemed obvious to me that I had to read it. It called to me, sang into a part of my being that begged to be filled, promising knowledge that would finally leave me satisfied. I know now that it’s impossible. Once you’ve tasted the hunger for knowing, you will never find satisfaction; it’s like an addiction. You just crave more and more, and the knowledge never ends. After a certain point you know too much and when it all connects, when it starts to make sense… you slip. I didn’t know that, even though maybe I should have. I didn’t know what those things I was feeling meant then and I didn’t stop to question them; I gave into it as soon as it touched me. I was stupid.

What followed were a busy couple of months. Every waking moment that wasn’t spent keeping up the pretence of being interested in my major (back then I only thought it a brief hyperfixation, of course, and wouldn’t have called it a pretence at all), I was learning Latin online or staring into the incomprehensible words on the pages. This period of my life is a blur; I remember my friends checking up on me if I was alright, since I wasn’t particularly social anymore. Shawala got progressively more worried, but it fully escaped my mind to care. I know that staring thoughtlessly at the book took up more and more of my time; once, I remember, I returned from my classes at three PM and took the book out; when I came back to myself it was well past midnight. That’s when I started to feel truly uneasy about it. It was the second half of April; I looked back on what I’ve been doing these past months and this cold dread started creeping up to my throat. I realized I didn’t know why I wanted to read the book so much and I remembered the “vision” or the hallucination I had that first time in my dad’s attic. I had set it aside completely as unimportant, and I couldn’t wrap my head around why. I started shaking and theorizing in my head about the book being able to influence my mind somehow, to control it. Had my actions not been my own? How much of it was my own will and how much was the book? Was it even possible for it to influence me like that; could it be that it was supernatural in some way?

The house became cold, unnaturally so. It was dark and all the windows were closed, but a chill draft managed to find its way into the corridor I was in anyway. I sank to the floor and hugged my knees, trembling in panic. I was all alone in the flat, everyone I knew was surely already asleep in their homes, and I was small and weak in the face of something that maybe could have controlled my mind. I suddenly became aware of the leatherbound book in my hand, and I threw it along the corridor at the front door with a whimper, as far away from me as possible. The book thumped against the door, then the floor, and opened on a random page.

I’ve read enough horrors. I knew that the page would be significant, and that knowledge made me sob and hug my knees tighter. I didn’t know what was happening; I felt like I’d just woken up from a months-long dream… and perhaps I was right. The recent past felt alien.

I felt tears sting my eyes and that’s when the smell reached me. Again that mixture of old paper and peppermint cold, distantly sweet but freezing the blood in my veins. My breath came in ragged and shallow, and tears streamed down my face as I stared at the open book that was calling me in an inaudible whisper. The logical side of my mind was trying desperately to make sense of it, to assign the dissociative feeling to my father’s death and yeah, it was plausible, but somehow it just didn’t feel right. The whispers sounded again, swirling around my head, the golden sound almost touching the back of my neck, making me wince. It was enticing and promising, but this time, I felt terror instead of excitement. Disregarding how my mind was trying to rationalize the situation, I knew the book was cursed somehow. I knew that I was its victim. And I knew that I would not be strong enough to resist it.

I don’t know how much time I sat there, trembling, and sobbing into my knees, before I calmed down from the panic and decided I had to do something. I had to find out what this book was and how it found itself into my dad’s library. I couldn’t remember seeing anything in his diaries that would mention it at all, but then again, I didn’t read them all cover to cover. On wobbly legs I carefully made my way back to my room and searched the Internet until the sun started peeking out of the window; I found nothing about any book titled Punctum Visus . I tried all the libraries that I’d known of, that had their assortment online, all the research databases; nothing.

So, at the crack of dawn, with a fast-beating heart, I stood in the door of my room, staring out into the corridor, where the book still lay by the front door, unmoving. The golden strings of a wordless melody made it to my ears; it promised an explanation; that this time if I looked close enough, I would find what I was looking for.

What was I looking for?

Where else could I find the answers if not in the book itself?

I could feel its cold fingers slowly wrap around my mind, steering me to come closer. It called me with a hypnotising voice that awakened all the red signals in my brain, telling me to run and hide, but I didn’t. The voice meant danger, but I knew it also meant knowledge.

Dangerous knowledge. The pull dragged me through the corridor step by step; I hadn’t been fighting it as strongly as I could have had and I was about to start, since I was getting closer to the book, but suddenly I felt the chill of the influence let go, hovering close but out of reach. It was still compelling me to come, to Look, but I could move my own limbs. I had a choice to make.

Knowledge of danger. Did I believe my own warning thoughts that I would regret looking into the book? Did I take my own logical, rational side seriously? Was I ever good at resisting my own impulses?

I’ve never been addicted to anything, but then again, I never really had the opportunity, as it were; my friends were more of a no-alcohol types and I really ever smoked cigarettes once. I’ve never seen drugs in real life. So who’s to say if I’m not an addictive personality? And this, this was addictive. The thrill of mystery, the exhilarating process of learning, the anticipation of the answers.

Was it ever really my choice?

No supernatural force guided my steps that night; no cold fingers made me kneel next to the book and carefully cradle it in my arms, looking at the page with a shaky breath and tears in my eyes, as if I was coming back home like the prodigal son. But I’m sure it was by some paranormal means that this time I could understand the text on the pages.

I honestly don’t remember what it said. As I read the unfamiliar words, the meaning presented itself in my mind, not entirely unlike that first “vision” I had in the attic; as soon as I started reading I knew that I had made the choice and there was no turning back. That cold draft enveloped me, sat on my skin, and started to bite; I felt that smell again, stronger than ever before, something intangible but unmistakably inhuman . It was then that I realized that’s what had felt wrong to me about the smell since the beginning. It was inferior and alien. My hands started shaking as my eyes, glued to the text, moved now on their own down the page, drinking the words in. I was terrified out of my mind, but the pleasant tingling along my nerves was back, the anticipation of the promised understanding.

My mind was drowned with the tide of knowledge. This was just a prologue; a true discovery would require preparation, but I was almost ready. The voice said I was chosen, that I was a perfect candidate to bring It what It needs and that I would be rewarded. I cried tears of amazement and horror at the sheer scope of the voice – it seemed to encompass the entire world. I couldn’t comprehend it, but I didn’t know then that it was a blessing. I wanted to know, I craved to know what It was and how I could be of use to something so powerful, so huge. Divine. That was a word that crossed my mind, as much as I don’t like that. I don’t like many things, but I can’t change any of them.

The voice said I’m on the right path. I would Know and Understand. First, I needed to do something. As It told me what that was, doubt started to creep up to my mind. What was I doing? What was happening? How could this be real?

I came to on the floor by my front door, the cursed book in hand, with a tear-stained face and a bloody nose.

I knew what I had to do to get ready and, as I calmed down and went over everything in my head, I was surprised by how trivial it was. Honestly, by this point I was kind of afraid It would tell me to hurt someone, so I was glad this was just about reading a bunch of words in a specific location at a specific time. I was aware of the fact that this was most probably a ritual, and I was quite apprehensive. I kept arguing with myself in my head, over and over whether I should follow through, but deep down I knew that I would, no matter what I told myself. This part, I think, scared me the most; how compelling the promise of knowledge was, how reverently I’d found myself thinking of the book and its owner (which I assumed was the voice), how fanatical some of my thoughts sounded. I’ve never been religious, never really felt idealistic either. I was always focused on facts, on the here and now. Can knowledge be an ideal? Can you be a fanatic of Seeing and Knowing?

How much had I changed since I’d found Punctum Visus in that old attic.

I found a good, quiet spot, on the north-west side of the New Forest National Park near Southampton. I told no one about this, deeming it unimportant. I would come back after my big discovery, I would explain everything. I laugh at myself now; at my naivety.

The night of April 28 th was clear, and the starry sky looked back at me as I parked my car on the road in the forest and locked it. I tied a piece of a long red string to the wheel, not to lose my way in the forest, and started to walk forward. I held the book close to my chest, as if it could protect me from the dark, eerie outlines of the trees, swaying gently on the wind and whatever the darkness around me held. I didn’t light the torch; the moon was nearly full, bathing everything in its gentle light, and besides, for some reason it seemed that the crude yellow light would somehow break the sanctity of what I was about to do. I could see the ground in front of me and managed to lose sight of my car and everything else besides trees pretty fast.

I stopped when I found a small clearing. The moon was high in the sky, shining down on me like a big eye; I didn’t know why this comparison seemed the most fitting, but it did. I took a deep breath, feeling a chill plant little dots all over my skin, making my hairs stand on end. The wind died down and the trees froze, as if in anticipation. I felt something watching me closely; I was not alone here anymore.

The realization made my breath catch in my throat and the last streaks of sanity broke through my thick skull. Run! Drop the book and run! I didn’t. My hands trembled, my muscles tensed, and I stood there, frozen with fear as something stared at me, seemingly for eternity. Something bigger than me, bigger than anything I have ever seen was watching me, waiting. My eyes dropped to the book in my arms. The black leather was warm, as always, but this time I felt a pulsating sensation from it. A heartbeat.

I screamed. The book landed discarded on the ground, and I stumbled backwards and tripped, landing in the grass as well. It was cold and wet, and it glistened with something in the faint moonlight. At first I took it for water, but upon closer inspection I saw it was the grass itself that glittered – a shy rainbow, glowing iridescently in an impossible way. I froze, stunned, for I have never seen such colours before. It seemed utterly alien, something unfitting for the human eye to see; simultaneously beautiful and horrifying.

As I looked around, I noticed that everything alive in the forest – the trees, the grass, the bushes, the plants – had taken on that iridescent mixture of faint light that prickled my eyes and sent a shiver of terror down my spine. It was beautiful, utterly gorgeous in a way that nothing a human eye can perceive could be. It was horrifying in how different, alien, and other it was. My senses could tell this is not of the Earth; not of this reality, not of this world; everything in me that still had common sense tried to recoil from the inferiority of this magnificence and the danger it brought, but I had abandoned common sense a while back. Maybe even when I touched the book for the first time. I stared then, breathless and trembling, at this scenery as if from a fairy tale and decided to lock away my rational thoughts. I wanted to See, to Know; I wanted to experience and if this was the death of me then hell, it was a pretty good way to go. To behold such a sight, I thought, was a reward in and of itself.

Of course, I had no idea what any of it meant. I slowly rose to my knees and patted the ground down until I felt the book. It still pulsated with this heartbeat and the letters etched in the leather glowed with golden light. My hands were sweaty, and I didn’t know whether I was shivering from fear or the cold. I opened the book on the first page.

What I saw was not what I had expected. I remembered that the first page, after the titular one, was the beginning of the introduction, that much I had understood, but now it was a big picture in black and white; a night sky, with an almost full moon and strewn with stars. It was a shot from the ground and treetops could be seen at the edges of the picture. As the book swayed in my hands, the stars glittered, and the perspective shifted ever so slightly, as if it was in 3D. Stricken by a surge of dread and cold certainty, I looked up. My suspicion was right – the picture in the book depicted the exact image that was now above me. I gasped quietly and looked down at the book—

And this is where things started to really go horribly, horribly wrong.

The book was gone. What’s more, the ground was gone too and suddenly everything was not where it should have been. I blinked but it did nothing to ease the dizziness; and when I composed myself enough to register what I was seeing I froze, the most intense horror I have ever experienced crushing my body from all sides and inside out.

I realized that I was Seeing. I was finally Seeing, and I Understood it all.

I don’t know how to convey in words what I saw. I don’t believe it’s possible; humans were never made to see and understand such things. I should have never touched the book, I should have never asked for knowledge. All my life I believed that knowledge was the point; it was a tool, and it was power. I don’t know what I think anymore. I think some knowledge should always be hidden because we were not made to know everything. We can’t , it’s physically impossible for us to comprehend.

For one moment in my life. For one moment I became something else, and I saw the world in the way It sees the world. For one moment I shared a mind with an eldritch being, a thing that is Fear itself, and I saw the Earth through Its Eye. I can’t… I can’t tell you just how horrible it is. How… How meaningless; we’re all intertwined things, guided by strings of web that lead us through life, and we’re all connected in this maze of fear . We’re not individuals; we’re not special. We don’t have souls and none of our experiences matter. We’re just fear. These… These entities are a part of all of us. They’re our fear and they live inside of us, inside of every living creature that can feel fear. Can you comprehend that? How can you be sure you are yourself when there’s a cosmic entity, a power as old as life itself, living you ? And no one has any idea. Nobody knows and if I tell someone they’ll think I’m crazy. Sometimes I think I’m crazy. But deep down I know what I saw. I know it was real. And I’m terrified. I’m terrified because I know that this Being of eyes that I became a part of watches everything I do. I feel Its presence here very strongly, and I guess it makes sense. It will never leave me. It’s a part of me, just like the rest of them; just like they’re all a part of every one of you, yet you have no idea. But I know. And I know I’m all alone with that knowledge, the knowledge that I can’t comprehend, but I know I could in that one moment. It’s a very lonely place to be and I’m scared.

I’m scared as I have never been before; this fear doesn’t leave me anymore. Every second of every day I’m aware I’m watched by something as great as cosmos. I’m aware I shared my mind with that being and it makes my skin crawl.

I don’t know what to do now, but I don’t expect any advice from you. I’m leaving the book with you, as proof. Its heart doesn’t beat anymore, and I’ve seen what I was supposed to.

Don’t read it.

Notes: If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving me a comment!! For people interested in a little bit of background: Lyria is a D&D character I have created that still awaits her chance to play in a campaign. She's an arcane scholar that has a dark little secret of actually being a warlock of a being she doesn't know a lot about. She's in love with knowledge and she seeks to learn about her powers as well as the world around her. I'm currently DMing a Ravenloft campaign and I just couldn't miss the fact how much potential for a corruption arc she has. Then I listened to TMA and I was like, she would definitely become the Avatar of the Beholding.

[chongoblog]

Did you enjoy your computing and maths major, or do you think it was a good idea? Thats what I'm planning to do but i have no idea how useful it will be

So this is a bit of a multifaceted answer. I’ll start with the easier part.

I think that it’s been very useful, especially on resumes. For jobs in entry level  STEM stuff (at least software development), the education you get is SUPER important, so as someone who wanted to go into the STEM field, the answer is yes, it was a good idea for me. There’s all kinds of other factors regarding whether or not it’s a good idea for you (some I’ll go over in a second), but I’d say overall yes, if you’re going to get a degree, that combo would be a good idea.

As for “enjoy”, I know that I personally enjoyed a lot of it, but I know a lot of people who hate math and stuff. I’m sure since you’re planning on going for it, you probably like it, so the only piece of heads up I’ll give you is this:

As the Computer Science track goes on, you might have to do some electrical engineering, which is hell, but tolerable. As Math goes on, you’re going to be doing less and less actual problem solving and going more into proofs. The last year or two is going to be mostly proofs. Less “2 + 2 = 4�� and more “Prove that 2 + 2 = 4″. Obviously not that EXACT problem, but nevertheless. It’s a shift, and it’s one you should be warned about before going for a math major!

[bitchpack]

help @ that quiz i just rbed acting like if you’re a math major you must hate the “there’s no right answer” spiel and “you know there is a right answer and you WILL find it” duuude so many mathematicians are just here for the vibes. like if we wanted to find the right answer we would not be doing maths bc we know thats almost impossible and there is even a mathematical (well, logic) proof that not all math questions are answerable

[scotianostra]

On April 4th 1617 John Napier, the mathematician, died.

I hated maths with a vengeance at school, I'm not talking about counting, I can hold my own with that, but real maths. algebra, geometry, topology and worst of all logarithms, which we have Robert Napier to "thank" for, he  introduced them in the early 17th century as a means to simplify calculations, aye right!

  If John Napier had been born a common man he would maybe have been burnt at the stake, nothing to do with him and his maths nonsense but because he dabbled in the occult at a time when we were routinely setting such people on fire!

James VI was on the throne and his  obsession with devilry consigned hundreds of unfortunates to the flames. Unless you were born of a noble family of course. A wee bit background on the Napier's his father was Sir Archibald Napier of Merchiston Castle, and his mother was Janet Bothwell, daughter of the politician and judge Francis Bothwell, Lord of Session, and a sister of Adam Bothwell who became the Bishop of Orkney. Archibald Napier was 16 years old when John Napier was born. John, as was the common practice for members of the nobility at that time, he was privately tutored and did not have formal education until he was 13, when he was sent to St Salvator's College, St Andrews. He dropped out of Uni and toured Europe for a time before returning to Scotland aged 21.

  Back to his links with sorcery, several members of John Napier’s family – respected and wealthy participants of Edinburgh society - were commonly known to be wizards or sorcerers. Their necromantic power was feared by nobles as well as peasants from far and wide.

The family wizardry started with Napier's father, Sir Archibald, seventh Laird of Merchiston, who successfully predicted when Mary, then the former Queen of Scotland, would leave Lochleven Castle, where she was imprisoned. The story goes: "Claude Nan, the Queen's secretary, wrote that 'the Laird of Markyston (Sir Archibald), who had the reputation of being a great wizard, made bets with several persons to the amount of five hundred crowns, that by the 5th of May Her Majesty would be out of Lochleven." Mary escaped on 2 May 1568 – and the senior Napier was presumably wealthier for his prediction.

Sir Archibald married Janet Bothwell, sister of Adam, Bishop of Orkney, who the paper said was "a notorious necromancer", so that their son, the future mathematician, inherited "a double inclination towards the magic arts". This might explain some of John's odd behaviour. A necromancer is a wizard or magician by the way, I had to google it!

Tenants who lived on the vast Merchiston estate south-west of Edinburgh thought John to be a bit mysterious at times, Napier would be seen many evenings wearing a long gown, pacing outside his tower chamber, a private work area where he often would pass many long hours alone.

  Many people thought that his pet black cockerel was a familiar – a supernatural being which assisted witches and wizards in their magical practice. However, the Napier family held the hereditary role of King’s Poulterer and Napier may have kept the cockerel on a whim but I have read he travelled not only with the bird but also with a black spider in a small box, not normal behaviour.

The Scottish writer and translator  Sir Thomas Urquhart, who, told of a demonstration of devastating artillery Napier devised against the threat of invasion by Spain.

"He gave proof upon a large plaine in Scotland to the destruction of a great many herds of cattel and flocks of sheep, whereof some were distant from other half a mile on all sides and some a whole mile,"

A well as being a wizard and mathematician Napier was also a fervent Protestant, much of his writing is vehemently anti-Catholic even by the standards of the time. He was a man of contradictions though, as he is said to have had friends who were Catholic, including  Alexander Seton, the Earl of Dunfermline, although the vast majority Catholics back then had to hide their faith.

  The last interesting, and worrying, fact I found out about John Napier is that his cause of death according to wiki he died "from the effects of gout" at home in Merchiston tower, now I suffer from gout and it is bloody painful but I didn't know it could kill you! The pics are of John Napier, a set of Napier's calculating tables "Napiers Bones" from around 1680 and his dreaded book of Logarithms, note the Latin spelling of his name.

[gabesapwhoreta]

mistakes recounted: the dragonfly

As a child, I was obsessed with theoretical physics and cosmology. I knew nothing of the math behind it, but I could tell you at length how the universe worked, how all things "goed". I couldn't explain to you how or why the equation E=mc^2 was important in terms of math, but I never shut up about the theory and philosophy. Black holes, the speed of light, the fabric of the universe, all those things - I was obsessed. And yet, I never wanted to be a physicist. I hated math, and finding the proof for string theory never interested me as much as just thinking about string theory. I used to say I just "wasn't smart enough" to do that sort of thing - but whenever the adults in my life pressed me about it - I was very obviously smart enough to become a physicist, I was a savant, albeit an unfocused one - the truth always boiled down to the fact that I simply didn't want to. I didn't want to calculate the strings, I wanted to know how the strings worked - I thought of them like strings on a universal instrument, and I preferred it that way.

In middle school, all that obsession with theory and philosophy naturally led to existential crises of the severely thoughtful kind. I became severely depressed and mildly catatonic. I was obsessed with death and with consciousness, and considering my parents' divorce around that time, I didn't see the point in being alive rather than dead. And I'd argue about it, too. It was my right to be dead, if I wanted to be. But that's slightly off the point.

I idolized Stephen Hawking, and firmly believed he was the most intelligent man alive. That being said, I always thought he was pretty thick for being an atheist. How could he see all that math, that big beautiful picture of the universe, and say that the existence of God wasn't even a question worth asking? At that age, I always figured that if there was a God, then there was an afterlife - and that the only way to know for sure whether or not God existed would be to die.

So, amongst the many other things I did around that time, I made plans for Stephen Hawking's death. I wanted him to tell me. Please bear with me as I explain the very creative reasoning I had at the time.

Stephen Hawking: he had ALS and was confined to a wheelchair, he communicated through software which spoke in a robotic voice. "His brain is so excellent, God had to nerf his body," I used to say. Being obsessed with death, naturally I was also obsessed with the idea of living forever, and one obvious sci-fi option for living forever has always been to have your consciousness "uploaded". I said that I figured, Stephen Hawking was essentially half-robot anyway, so he wouldn't mind taking part in my strange little experiment. (And then I drove myself crazy wondering whether or not he'd find that phrasing offensive, and I spent a lot of time talking him up as the world's most badass cyborg.)

Make Stephen Hawking into an AI, I demanded. Start it now, because he'll be dead by 2018. Track his neurofunctions and his decision-making. After he dies, give him time to adjust to the new conditions of his consciousness. I figured he would agree that his body was more of a vessel than anything, and after it went cold, I wanted to know Stephen Hawking would still exist, in some form or another. Temporarily, so as not to doom him to the curse of immortality. Or "however he'd like it to be done".

The ice bucket challenge was involved in some way or another. After Hawking died, he'd leave that icey bucket holding his consciousness and be a cold machine, so they'd have to spend some time teaching him how to be moral again. Laws of robotics and all that. I don't know how it turned into a social media trend for ALS, but looking back on it, I'm almost positive that I was a major part of why it happened.

Then, I said, after the AI knew what it was doing, and wasn't a threat, unleash it and point it at me. And let Stephen Hawking explain to me how the universe exists - not by talking, but through brainwaves. I thought the idea was crappy and too sci-fi to exist, and I had a crappy little remote-control dragonflyer, so I said to call it the dragonfly. It could only go one-way, couldn't turn around, couldn't stop, and it'd crash straight into a wall most of the time. "And if I get crushed like a bug, I better get something out of it other than just a horrifying experience." CORPSE the rapper was/is my backup plan. That's a different conversation topic, but to put a long story short: there's been no "face reveal" because there is an entire team behind him that's been following the creative direction I gave 8 years ago. I'm the face reveal. If I can have my way, he's going to be the creative project I work on for the rest of my life. He fills all the gaps in my life, he's what I've been waiting to inherit for 8 years. Through him, I can use the skills and ideas I already have in terms of art and performance and music, and I can build on them too - in particular, I really want/need to learn how to produce music in a DAW. He's my lifelong translator, to turn the ideas in my head into something tangible and enjoyable for audiences - and the more I learn and grow, the more of his work I can personally create, rather than pushing it off onto a creative team.

Back to the point: three years after Stephen Hawking's death, his consciousness was aimed like a missile and fired at my skull. I think. I still don't know exactly what happened. But I do know a few things:

1.) I understood and felt the mechanics of the universe on a tangible, touchable level, like I had circled a black hole. The highest level of math I have completed is precalculus. Telekinesis is both possible and painful.

2.) I firmly believe in God, now. We're homies, basically. He said I should do CORPSE stuff forever. He also said I'm Christ reincarnated, but I try to be humble. Pope Francis said "Mi perro es muy grande," or something, that's where the Pope album meme came from. Probably. There's a movie about a dog called Beethoven. Get it? Hahahaha i almost died and jesus did nothing to save me, that fucking bastard liar

3.) Whether or not anyone believes me is irrelevant. The only thing I'm counting on is contracts. And if Gabe Saporta doesn't manage me and help me out with CORPSE like he promised, I'll basically be forced to blow up the entire universe. Also, it's lowkey my fault Cobra Starship broke up.

[zmediaoutlet]

for the ask meme, how about: 17) What’s an aspect of SPN people often point to as a flaw that you really enjoy or 30) Make up a fact about a character and convince me it’s true

omg! here’s what I get for queuing something and then forgetting -- a) I did watch the inauguration (!!) and b) work project from hell continues, hellishly. but now it’s time for a lil break, and anon is coming through, ty ty --

17)   What’s an aspect of SPN people often point to as a flaw that you really enjoy? 

hmm. A common fandomy answer to this would be the focus on codependence vs ‘healthy’ relationships, etc, but that would really be preaching to the choir, with you folks. A different more GA-oriented answer, then: I actually really like their bizarre cyclical conflicts. A brother (not at all fandom oriented) tried watching SPN just so he could talk to me about it (sweetie!), but he gave up in like s9 because “they just keep having the same problems over and over, Z.” And you were right, Bro, but... I find that kind of fascinating. The aspect where they’re just stuck on a treadmill, repeating mistakes and selling themselves for each other, the half-joke-but-it’s-not-really-a-joke of “which one dies this season?”, the way they’re stuck on each other. That stuff, it just... kills me. It means that the show really drills in and focuses on this crazy aspect of them, not minding that it’s repetitive, looking at this same question from every single angle and, every time, coming up with the same answer: yes, they’re going to choose each other, no matter what, no matter that they should “grow” and choose something else. They’re going to keep walking that same road, holding each other up as worth more than the world, every time---and the writers just indulge in every little tweaked characterful aspect of it, rather than dwelling on “plot” or “change.” It’s rad. ...oh look at that, I managed to make it about codependency anyway. Well. If the canonical shoe fits.

30)   Make up a fact about a character and convince me it’s true.

(did you mean: fanfiction)

Sam fucking loves linear algebra. There’s the actual mechanical math work, going through equations and everything, and that part’s satisfying because it’s neat and methodical and easy---but the thing he really loves about it is working through the proofs. He took a class at Stanford (what class didn’t he take at Stanford) and he was the one pre-law dork in a sea of engineering majors, but he was also the best in class because he just... got it. Walking through each step, figuring out how to make it from a guess to what was true, not just intuiting what was right because it felt good. Making the world align into neat columns, until the professor, reading through it on paper, couldn’t do anything but look up and smile and say, correct, and the thing was that it really was correct and couldn’t be anything else. No wiggle room. No mess. What a relief.

(Dean hates math.)