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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years

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More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers

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pluviophile-imagines · 3 years

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Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

#ask.🌧#anon #pattering on the roof #char.🌧 multi #again these r just the ones ive thought about so sorry if i didnt bother with any chars u care abt ajkhsfbgsjdhfb #thank yall for asking LMFAO any excuse to ramble abt this shit #it does impact the way i write these chars #obviously #bc this is meta more than anything else and so is fanfic lol

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ankhisms · 3 years

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the always wonderful shelley @shanheling tagged me to do this thank u so much!! i think that everyone i wanted to tag has already been tagged to do this but if you feel like doing this feel free to consider urself tagged by me!! im putting this under a readmore bc its long and i ramble a lot

the piece i was tagged to explain my process on is this oc piece! unfortunately i have a habit of deleting my original clip studio file once ive finished my art and saved it as a new png file, so i dont have the file to show the sketch and different stages of this piece. but I still can go through my general process and talk about how i did that piece!

1. planning

honestly i think about the art that i want to do a lot, and in this last year or so ive thought about the art i want to do more than ive been able to actually create and finish that art that i want to do. for my planning i tend to do a lot of different thumbnail sketches for the art im thinking of

these are some examples of thumbnails, a lot of times ill do thumbnails just on pencil and paper and with some of these theyre done quickly with my fingers on my phone note function on a day where i was feeling too bad to get up and draw on paper but still wanted to get the thumbnail ideas down. two of these are for the same songxiao piece that i still havent finished and i have more thumbnails digitally on clip studio for the same piece, i do a lot more thumbnails when a piece isnt working the way i want it to and theres times where ill completely scratch a thumbnail or a sketch and start over in order to do more thumbnails because i dont feel happy with some aspect of it.

two of these are small gouche painting thumbnails for two pieces i did maybe a month or so ago, i did the thumbnails and then tried to expand on them digitally and im wanting to do more thumbnail paintings like this in the future because it was fun

for the piece of my oc trio it was based off a series of ask prompts i got for a few different outfit prompt memes i had reblogged, so i based their outfits on the ones in the meme. when im drawing figures i tend to try and get the movement down in the poses when im sketching, i do several rough sketches of the pose before beginning to start setting down lines (if im doing lineart at all because sometimes i dont like doing lineart and do a more lineless painting kind of style). i really try to get my art to convey some kind of emotion, in the oc piece i wanted it to feel fun and like youre seeing three best friends while theyre out on the town having a fun night

2. creating

this is the only real example i have of a piece in the middle of being filled in and created, this piece is one that im really not very happy with & have had lying around for a while and ill probably scrap it and try to come at it from a different perspective at some point. but anyway it still shows what i do, i lay down a kind of neutral gray color underneath my final sketch/lineart if im doing lineart in that piece and then i start picking out the colors that i want for the piece and kind of setting out a pallette for myself. i dont do this color pallette thing 100% of the time but i do it really often, especially if im working on a commission or a larger piece where i know theres going to be a lot of colors or if its a piece where im not sure exactly what color scheme i want so laying out the colors together helps me kind of decide what kind of scheme i want. i am sooooo picky about my colors in my art i am genuinely obsessed with colors in art and there are times where i really have to stop myself from working on something forever just constantly adding more colors or putting little tiny changes and gradients in the colors.

after ive got the colors i want down i tend to try and block out parts of the piece with the base color for that section, and then i start to paint with the colors that i want to go on top of that base color from there.

once im satisfied with the colors/shading/rendering and everything ill go back and look over things and will fix things that look off or sometimes completely redo segments if they dont look right to me. when i was younger and mainly doing digital art using my phone and my fingers i would use a lot of filters and overlays on top of my art once i was done, and honestly im glad to not be doing that anymore because i dont think it made my art look any better. i do color adjustments and sometimes will put on a color overlay or a layer to emphasize the shadows and the light in the piece, but i try to keep those layers to a minimum and like i said before i have a tendency to obsess over the colors and ill spend a good amount of time in the color adjustment tool of clip studio and then ill just decide "actually it looks fine as it is" so yeah!

3. posting

i feel like i dont have a lot to say here gbfm i mean i honestly have a lot of thoughts about the relationship between artists and social media and how social media changes our views on art including our own art and how we can feel like we constantly need to be posting new art and just become content machines churning out new stuff. but ill save that rant for another time. i used to be really concerned about how many notes my art would get when i was younger, and i dont at all blame anyone who still is very concerned about that bc it sucks when u work hard on something youve created and then you dont get a lot of recognition for it, but honestly within the last two years or so i feel like ive begun to have a lot healthier relationship with posting my art. i really just post my art on my art blog, reblog it to my main blog, and then thats that yknow! i do really appreciate any and all support people give me, it means the world to me, but for me having the mentality where i dont need to post all the art i make and i dont need to be posting every day or every week or every month even has been a lot healthier for me because then im not constantly asking myself why didnt this get notes is my art awful??? and yeah i just kind of post it and my brain goes okay were done with that art we gotta make more

ive honestly been struggling a lot with art thru the pandemic and if youre reading this and have been struggling with creating in any way recently or even before the pandemic, please know theres no shame in having trouble creating and it doesnt make you bad at whatever it is u create!

thank you for reading this, feel free to consider urself tagged by me again if u want to do this!! love u all

#showyourprocess #beep beep its a txt

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tendoki · 4 years

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pulling up with a baby with tendou bc of the quarantine and how the team would react pls 🥺 i feel like coach washijo would be happy and would try to convince yall to let the bby go to shiratorizawa 🤣

anon ive been having the worst day but this request made me lose my shit thank u so much GOOD LORD LMFAOO

I did my best to do this request JUSTICE lol. it turned into general baby havin hcs but I hope you like it regardless!! its rlly long so my bad 🥺

Shiratorizawa reacting to Tendou + his s/o leaving lockdown w a mfin BABY

OK. so he was prob at your apartment when the lockdown was announced

so since all his shit was already there, he had clothes and a toothbrush n it was just generally more convenient for him to stay at your place

he did! he messaged his mom to let her know where hed be, she Didnt Mind lol (we dont know much ab tendous family so?? aah)

now. not saying yall spent all ur time fucking. but u 100% did

and since u ran out of birth control and condoms pretty soon into quarentine......... 👀

both of u sorta just went

FUCK IT

both of you were pretty in love anyway, and even if things didnt work out, you guys figured that youd always work together to be the best parents for the kid you could possibly be

which led to were ur at now. a measly week out of quarantine. n ur being rushed to the labour ward.

tendou is RUNNING AFTER U W HIS LONG ASS LEGS

shiratorizawa closed for the rest of the academic year, which meant that as a 3rd year, you guys and a lot of the team wouldnt see eachother in uniform again

but not to worry!! to make up for the missed celebrations theyve organised a prom and a couple days where 3rd years can come in and give proper goodbyes to everyone, including the coaches!!

everyone on the team showed up, because they wanted to say bye to their senpais 🥺🥺

but. that's like 3 months from ur labour

so when u n tendou pull up to the school, with a 3month old CHILD they r. astounded.

they know its u guys' tho

literally theres not even the possibility for a JOKE that u cheated on tendou because the kid has the same fucking hair.

it's only a little tuft (u know what anime babies look like lol) but that nose n that hair? TENDOU SATORIS GENES CAME THRU

the baby has ur eyes. and compared to the rest of its tiny little face?? they're fucking HUGE

you guys let ushijima hold him (I feel like youd have a son?) and ngl ushi cries.

it's a single tear but tendou will INSIST that waka was SOBBING years afterward

everyone is so attached to the kid sorry

USHIJIMA IS THE GODFATHER LMAO DID U EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE???

the baby is so attached to semi tho!!! the second semi reaches forward to hold the kid and poke at its fat lil cheeks, hes giggling and blubbering up at his uncle semi 🥺

JWJDJD GOSHIKI FREEZES WHEN YOU OFFER HIM TO HOLD THE KID. HE JUST GOES PALE AND FREEZES UP

REON IS SO GOOD WITH THE BABY

he offers to help you guys go shopping for more baby stuff 🥺🥺 and when his mom finds out ab the kid (team sleepovers were at reons house n u were ALWAYS invited so she LOVES U sorry I make the rules)

she gives u some of reons old baby clothes!!! n ur LOSING ur mind because WDYM THIS TALL MFER WAS ONCE LIKE A FOOT TALL AND WEARING A BLUE BEAR ONESIE???

she doesnt judge u for being a young mother!! I imagine she was too?? Reon is real respectful n I'll be damned if she isnt just as sweet

the coaches are already on your ass about toddler volleyball. they call up a couple friends and have already organized a group for teaching young Young YOUNG kids how to play despite ur son being. 3 months old.

the whole team is Maybe in love with your son

sorry. it's our son now. shiratorizawa owns ur kid :/

when shirabu is holding your boy. the whole team watches as semi get jealous????? over a kid that's NOT his???

hes petty and tells him that hes holding him wrong (hes not)

washijo is obsessed with ur baby. hes so proud of tendou. insisting that ur son being 'the size of a FAT volleyball' is a great sign for his skills in the court

the whole team. is offering money. they know u 2 are JUST out of highschool and with quarentine, are probably pretty low on cash??

BUT !! I 100% hc that tendou draws!! nd hes been doing a shit load of commissions for like. years LOL

n hes always saved that money!! he only spent it on shounen jump, which dont make too much of a dent in the money pile lol

besides he took emergency comms the second you guys found out ab the pregnancy

if you draw/write/do any work from home that's gets you money, then you do that too!!

he forces u to do less work than him tho because hes WORRIED AB U N THE BABY 🥺

but you guys appreciate the offers from your friends!!! Reon and Ushi's mom both volunteer to baby sit when you guys want a date night, thus ur child creating one hell of a friendship between the ex-captain and his vice's mothers 🥺

I'm not gonna go thru ALL the team members reactions

but they're all really happy!! ofc they scold tendou for not using protection and are MAJORLY GROSSED OUT KNOWING THAT THE TWO OF U HAVE INDEED HAD SEX

even tho the fact that satori is a Horny boy should be universal knowledge by now

the team is there for you guys while the baby grows up!! the second the kid can walk ushi is kneeling down and teaching him to spike

tendou is just as bad and insists that his son is a prodigy and should be a pro volleyball player already

LISTEN

TENDOUS SHIRATORIZAWA NUMBER??? HIS JERSEY

U GUYS GET A TINY VERSION OF THAT MADE

EVEN OF HE ISNT DOING VOLLEYBALL ANYMORE THIS MAN IS SO PROUD TO SEE HIS NUMBER ON HIS BOY 🥺🥺🥺👉🏻👈🏻

ur son is a mamas boy n it breaks tendous heart ngl

u make up for it by having a daughter a year or two down the line 😳 n shes OBSESSED with her dad it's cute but also BABY ur 4 please stop sleeping in mommy n daddies bed 🥺🥺🥺

also ur sons first words

oh boy

u can tell that the whole fuckin team has been teaching ur son volleyball stuff

u came home n ur son is sat in the living room SURROUNDED by ur (other) boys

ur (main) boy starts blubbing and bouncing at the sight of his mama 🥺 (or dada/other parent if ur an afab trans person!!!)

you tell off the team for tryna get ur baby into vball when hes barely 6months at this point

but before the boys all leave 🥺🥺 ur son grabs his favourite uncle semi and just goes

'sehtah!!!' (setter)

SEMI BREAKS DOWN CRYIBG LMAOOO

ngl tendou n u r kinda pissed that ur babies first words werent mama or dada. but then u see how happy semi is n u both just 🥺

semi is soft for your son and as the kid grows up hes still attached to him

he cant get away with being a brat though, boys got a whole mfing TEAM of dads/uncles PLUS grampy Washijo are ready to scold this boy

your son (and future daughter) are both SO loved though

theyve always got SOMEONE they know they can depend on

the team loves tendou and they love u, so OFC they ADORE any kids u guys have EVER.

they stay in contact with both of you even if you split up later on, they care enough about you guys that the y/n tendou powercouple is something every new generation of shiratorizawa volleyboys are taught about and introduced to

and YES ANON. WASHIJO DOES INSIST ON YOUR KID(S) GOIN SHIRATORIZAWA

they're guaranteed a spot!! they dont even have to work for it lmfaooo

mostly because coach threatens to leave the school and work with karasuno if they dont confirm them a place

it's an empty threat but it WORKS

the worldwide lockdown of 2020 is something you and tendou remember fondly forever 🥺

even if it was in bad circumstances the two of you made something so positive

this turned into general baby hcs with tendou MY BAD LOL IM IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN AND ALSO CONSTANTLY GOING THRU BABY FEVER

#tendou satori #tendou satori x reader #tendou satori fluff #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #yeah i love kids so much #long post

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pokemoncoloursplash · 4 years

Note

Mods, can you share some of your OCs? I would like to know the types of characters you all have 🤔

Yes, they're all girls, and there's flannel and swords, I know. I was going to pick less... predictable characters, but I figured I at least knew what I was going to be bullied for with these. I think this is the first art I've posted onto the blog, too, so that's fun. - Mod Paragon.

---

Most of my OCs are dnd characters at this point lol. In the pride pic theres Keo (Fire Genasi Ranger/Monk, she is very sad rn), Valsera (Aasimar Barbarian who is now in a ghost form cause of cursed sword), Aisa (reformed Tiamat Cleric, I love her lots), Lachesi (Lesbian Tiefling Pirate aunt), Trish (Chaotic Thief turned Royal Adviser), and Thielva (Cottagecore Witch). The kitsune woman is Yon, she my current fave rn. Theres also my fursonas! One is a Monster Hunter Mizutsune and the other is a fox with antlers and decorative wings because why not. I have too many to list tbh

----

Well, Paragon’s was on-brand for her with flannel and swords, time to go on brand for me.

Unless you count Fakemon, I don’t really do OCs... With one exception from years ago.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to tell you about the RMS Harmonic.

That’s right, in my youth I had a boat as an OC.

The RMS Harmonic set sail on her maiden voyage on July 9th, 1918. She was built by Harland and Wolff to help pick up the slack that would be caused by Britannic’s sinking during the war. She was smaller than Olympic, a more moderate ship, but she was designed for speed. There were hopes that she would take the Blue Riband from Mauretania, hopes that came true in 1919. The two traded back and forth, taking the title of fastest ship while Olympic and Aquitania focused on comfort.

Then 1920 came around. White Star got its reparations for ships lost during the war, claiming Bismarck and Columbus. Rather than displace the beloved Olympic or the speedy Harmonic, White Star decided to transform their intended three ship service into a four ship service. Olympic would serve as flagship thanks to her years of reliability, Majestic would be the height of luxury, Harmonic would be the express service, and Homeric would be the stable middle ground.

The four vessels continued their career in tandem, working to keep White Star profitable. When the Depression rolled around, it was White Star that bought out Cunard rather than the other way around. The presence of Harmonic gave Olympic a chance to rest and be remodeled for a modern audience. Mauretania and Harmonic remained rivals for speed, but the rivalry became much friendlier and incredibly marketable. The Racing Horse and the Greyhound of the Atlantic.

But then came 1939. World War II. The aging Old Reliable, Lady Maury, and Ship Beautiful would return to battle, whilst Harmonic, Homeric, Berengaria, and Majestic would have their first taste of war. Not all of them would survive.

Olympic, Majestic, Aquitania, and Berengaria were used as transport ships due to their size. Mauretania and Harmonic became escort ships for their larger counterparts, using their speed to defend them. Homeric was to serve as a battlecruiser. The seven ships became a convoy, but seven would soon become six.

In transport mission gone wrong, the convoy was attacked. Aquitania, Harmonic, and Homeric were all damaged, with Homeric’s wounds being fatal. She sank, but the quick action of her comrades saved most of the souls aboard. Mauretania and Harmonic opened fire, with Harmonic pulling a card from her adopted sister Olympic’s deck and cutting open the submarine with her propeller. Homeric was gone, but she was also avenged.

Unfortunately, six would become five. Berengaria’s faulty wiring finally came back to bite her. She caught fire and lost power in the middle of a journey. Mauretania and Harmonic were dispatched to help her, but it was too late. The dreaded battleship Bismarck had claimed yet another a victim. Bismarck opened fire on the Greyhound and the Racing Horse, but the two vessels managed to escape, using the speed that had forged their rivalry to save themselves.

When five becomes four, Harmonic’s career ends. In the waning years of the war, Olympic, Majestic, Harmonic, and Mauretania sailed together. They were a prime target. A submarine was sighted, aiming at Old Reliable. Harmonic’s captain pushed her to her limit, lunging forward. A shot that could have hit Olympic instead hit Harmonic. She was quickly evacuated, but the second torpedo hit the crippled ship. With a sad final groan, Harmonic sank to the bottom of the ocean.

Harmonic’s sacrifice was not in vain. Olympic survived, she lived on. She stood in for her sister in “A Night To Remember”. With Harmonic’s end, the legend lived on.

Years later, Robert Ballard, the same man who discovered the wreck of Harmonic’s step-sister Titanic and her attempted destroyer Bismarck came upon her, her wreck broken into three pieces. Harmonic’s story was told once again. She was remembered for her speed, the rivalry she had with the now floating hotel Mauretania. She was remembered for her service, noted on the walls of the maritime museum that Majestic had become. She was remembered for her sacrifice, with the continued existence of Old Reliable Olympic being a testament to her work. Aquitania may not have made it, the damage sustained during Homeric’s sinking having finally put her out of commission, but the legend lived on.

Harmonic was not remembered like Titanic. Of course she wasn’t. But her name was spoken in the same breath as Berengaria. She was remembered as a ship that survived Bismarck’s wrath, her name immortalized in the song “Sink The Bismarck” along with Mauretania. Her legend lived on.

Her wreck was remembered for another reason. She sank just right to be perfect for divers, preserved in water warm enough for her to become a coral reef. She wouldn’t rust away. She would carry out one last purpose. She would teem with life once more. The legend would live once again.

---

A bit difficult to continue off of that, lol. Light wanted me to share some of his dnd OCs as well, I'll add their summaries. Balthazar is a Gold Dragonborn werebear, chosen by the Morta fate to be her champion against the damage an entity known as Obsidia has caused (Obsidia is one of my girls). Balthazar is many centuries old now, and is currently settled down with my Kitsune, Yon. He has a son named Eclipse and 3 young kits with Yon. Theres also Holden, who is Thielvas husband and one of the Archdruids of the realm. The druid Naya was his tutor, an elf woman who lost her arms talking back to her slaver. Lastly but not least is Obexis, a very mysterious Blue Dragon whose intentions and allegiances are unknown. He seems to play many angles, but no one knows why. -Decim

----

Needs to b cleaned up a bit n updated but here https://toyhou.se/SyBeez/characters - Shay

-----

Here are my main 8

These are their redesigns I did on mgm2 (monster girl maker 2)

Roger looks weird in this lol he has a beard.

Adalwolf has a prosthetic metal right arm.

You can barely see it but Vincent has freckles.

Kurono and Saturnalia are CrowDoll's family (Kurono adoptive little brother and Saturnalia created CrowDoll and is her mom).

Shiroi is an oni and Eigna is a ghost.

Adalwolf, Roger, Vincent, Kurono, and Saturnalia are humans (Saturnalia is half human half doll).

Azazel is not there in the pic cus he looks weird humanish on this app lol, he's a big and tall animated puppet.

I should really them sometime soon ówò

I hope you guys like them!

-smol

#paragon rambles #paragon extras #decima speaks #long post #dnd #ocs #oc talk #tiefling #elves #discussions with dragonis #ocean liner #regarding light #shay.txt #smol talk #i have a lot of ocs lmao

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klaus-is-the-real-number-1 · 6 years

Text

She’s Electric (Number 5 x reader)

54A/N: wowowow so im not smart at all so hopefully i pulled the whole fake smart act because im pure clueless :))) hope yas enjoy :)) still havent posted the playlist of all the songs because my spotify has my full name and am not that commited for ppl to find this soo. and i also went a bit off like i hope this is what you want lmao.:)) stay fresh. (ok so you have powers in this and its more like portal jumping rather than spatial jumping so you like create holes and jump down ? if that makes sense(also if anyone gets the date hmu))

ASK: jellyxfulll:hi could you please do one where the reader is really smart, likes coffee and sarcasm (legit a carbon copy of him) like five and when he meets them he’s absolutely smitten ? i have a lot in common with him anD i wAnt to bE loVed bY mY fiCtionAl chAracteR

Words: 2146

Black coffee steamed in it’s mug as it sat out in the open, wind swirling it in different patterns. The swirls of steam looked like it was dancing a tango, as if the beat it was dancing too kept getting faster and faster until a sudden stop and the steam disappears, signifying the end of a dramatic dance.

Black ink stained up the side of your hand as you furiously wrote away, you just couldn’t get the equation right and you couldn’t use your powers, not yet. You were on the run from the commission as they wanted to use you for your powers, it was a valuable asset, time travel and dimension jumping, the Handler said it could open a whole new market for them but once you refused they came after you.

You’d got the equation wrong while you were running and you got stuck, you got stuck somewhere, an abandoned world that hadn’t been looked after. Years and years passed with you stuck in the wasteland of a world until the Handler came back but you couldn’t say no otherwise you’d die alone with no chance of seeing your loved ones again. So you became a killer to survive, you kept to yourself. In that world it was kill or be killed.

After years of service you thought you had the equation, endless nights of black coffee and sleep deprivation you thought you’d got it right. All you wanted to do is go and see your family again but next thing you knew you were 16 years old again and stuck in some random dimension but it was a start. You had removed any form of tracker the Handler had on you back in 1854 after completing your last mission.

During your time in the small town you’d managed to get a small job to rent a tiny one bedroom apartment, it wasn’t the best but it would do for the time being, until you get the maths right.

You let out an exasperated sigh, slamming your pen down on your scribble ridden page. It was a bright but nippy day meaning you could sit outside in peace and be uninterrupted. Griddy’s was always quiet on week days, the perfect time to go for a black coffee and just go over everything that’s happened, it’s good to do that sometimes, just to think and remember.

Reaching for your coffee, you underestimated the distance between the mug and your hand resulting in the mug falling. You open a portal under it so it falls right into your hand and take a sip, placing it down gently in it’s original place.

“How did you do that?” A boy was suddenly next to you, an excitable expression present on his face. He looked about the same age as you, but he had a look in his eyes, like he’d seen some things.

“What do you mean?” You ask, pretending to be confused, taking another sip of your coffee. You watched as he pulled the seat opposite to you out and sat down crossing his arms and legs simultaneously. He looked at you with a slight smirk.

“You’re y/n, aren’t you?” He leant back in his chair, scanning you up and down. “I’ve heard so much about you.” His eyes could tell 1000 stories but you could tell that he had no one to tell, no one would understand.

“huh, interesting, I’m not going to lie to you, I don’t really know who you are.” You say matching his movements but making sure you can have easy access to some form of weapon of he attacks. For all you knew he could be part if the commission finally catching up to you.

“I’m Five, ex-commission.” You narrow your eyes at him as he sticks his hand out, you take a glance at his hand. You reach out but just before you meet his hand you grab the handle of your mug, bringing it to your lips. Fives hand drops and he lets out a breathy laugh, crossing his arms again.

“I would introduce myself but you seem to already know who I am so I guess there’s no need.” You give him a sickly sweet smile before taking another sip. You had heard a little bit about Five, he had a similar story to you,stuck in an apocalypse, ran away from the Commission to see his family and tried (and succeeded) to stop the apocalypse.

Five couldn’t believe his eyes when he first saw what you did with the mug, there was only one person who he had heard that could do that, y/n. Five had heard rumours upon rumours about y/n, an example of some is that she was the most deadly killer the commission had ever seen and the prettiest person the universe had ever seen, and Five couldn’t agree more. He couldn’t imagine you ever killing anybody, your hair loosely hung with strands tucked behind your ear. Five took in your soft features, the warmth of your eyes and the freckles that littered all over your face and arms, presumably from the years in the apocalypse.

“It’s rude to stare.” You tell Five, not even looking up from your writings. Out of the corner of your eye you see him shift uncomfortably, averting his eyes. “Listen, I don’t know why you’re still here but if you’re lying about being ex-commission and are here to try and kill me I think you should reconsider your options because we both know who will make it out alive.”

“I’m not lying about being ex-commission, I know what it’s like and I think I can help you with getting back.” Locking eyes with Five, you saw the sincerity in his eyes. He held out his hand, you think about the worst possible outcomes from this situation, you take his hand.

You had never travelled the way Five normally does, you just were not used to it. As soon you reached the desired destination your knees gave out and a wave of nausea washed over you. A retching sound made it’s way out of your body as you cover your mouth with shaking hands, as if that would stop you from being sick.

“How the fuck do you travel like that?” You almost shout at Five, staring at him from the floor, you didn’t even know where you were, you didn’t care. Another wave came over you again along with a banging headache. The one thing that you were grateful for in the Commission is that they let you travel how you wanted, the first time you had used a briefcase you could’t stop shaking and being sick which wasn’t the most efficient if you needed to complete a mission.

With a flash of blue Five was holding a glass of water crouched down next to you. “Here take this.” He held the glass closer to you.

“How is making me sick going to help me get home?” You say cautiously taking the glass from his hand. You sit up straight and try to take a deep breath in.

“Just show me your equations, I’ll see what I can do.”

Days turned into weeks, then weeks into months. The more time you spent with Five the more you began to forget about the equation. Truth be told, you got the right equation about 3 weeks into working on it with Five. After years of being alone you liked spending all this time with Five, you were both equally as emotionally deprived as each other, both in need of a friend who you could relate to.

Feelings for Five was also a newly developed emotion, the more time you spent with him the stronger these feelings got and all of his family could tell. You had met the Hargreeves on many occasions, often getting comments about how much you had made him come out of his shell since he stopped the apocalypse. But it’s not like you wouldn’t do couply things, if that was even a word, you would hold hands, cuddle and exchange compliments back and forth all the time. It was done so casually, as if you both didn’t know what to do with your feelings.

You were currently laid down with your head in Fives lap as he absentmindedly ran his fingers through your hair, occasionally twirling stands in his fingers. It was a summers day, natural light streamed through the open window, giving the room a natural glow.

“y/n,” He lightly taps your nose. “You’re really pretty.”

You smile, leaning into his touch. You knew you had to tell him at some point, about the equation, you just didn’t know how. Sighing, you sat up and faced Five, you noticed in the past months how his features had softened from the hard, brooding looks he used to give.

“Five, I’ve found the equation.”

“What?”

“I’ve found the equation.” You repeat with more force. “But I’m torn, I don’t know what to do.” You searched his face, trying to read the emotion. “I miss my family so much. But I don’t want to leave here, you’ve shown me theres so much in this timeline.” His face dropped.

Five didn’t want to sound selfish but he didn’t want you to leave, the past few months had been the best time of his life, he’d found someone who understands him. Y/N never questioned his coping mechanisms, you had actually made him accept his own past and move on with his life. He doesn’t know what he’d do without you. Five eyes began to sting, he felt a wave of sadness but also anger, he felt himself getting warm, an uncontrollable range swept over, consuming any other emotion that was in it’s way.

“How long have you had it for.” Five had a quite voice, not looking you in the eyes.

“A few months.” You watch as Fives fist clenched. “Five I-” But he had cut you off.

“So you’ve just been leading me on.” Five eyes met yours. They weren’t the soft, welcoming eyes you had come to love, they were cold, hard and shut off, the only emotion you could see in his eyes was anger.

“What no, why would you-”

“Maybe you should just leave.” Your chest sank, Five let you go from his grip and stood up. He looked like the killer you had only heard about mere months ago, he didn’t look like your Five anymore. “Just go, y/n.”

So you did, no arguments, no questioning, you had gone. As soon as you left the room Five caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror but the reflection wasn’t him, it was the killer that he thought he’d left in the Commission, he was his clenched fists and cold eyes. He couldn’t believe he spoke to y/n like that, looking like this.

“Y/N!” He called out, he was in a cold panic. He kept calling your name out, traveling to your work, your house, all your favourite places but you weren’t there. Five had been told that you handed in your resignation at work and your flat was cleared, you had gone home.

Five didn’t know what to do with himself since you had left, he was constantly thinking about the what ifs, what if he acted differently, what if he didn’t snap. You had been gone from Fives timeline for almost a year, he didn’t have much to remember you by other than one picture that he had on his bed side table. The picture was taken by Allison of the two of you, you had both fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs, you looked so peaceful together as Five held you in his arms.

He fell in love with you in the time he had met you, the complexity of love confused him but he wanted to figure it out with you. He loved the way you talked, how you carried yourself, your smarts, your personality, everything. It was a cold night and Five wasn’t able to sleep, he just laid there staring at the ceiling. There was a strange noise, a noise he knew well, y/n.

“Hey Five.” You were breathless, it had taken you so long to find the right equation for the frequency of Fives timeline, to see him again.

Five couldn’t believe his eyes, you were really there. Without a second thought Five leapt out of his bed and crashed his lips to yours, he pulled away and tightly wrapped his arms around your frame.

“I’m so sorry y/n. I’ve missed you so much.” You couldn’t agree more, leaving was an impulse moment of anger, there was a gap in your heart that only Five could fill. “y/n, I love you so much.” He held your hands, his eyes were soft again, filled with love.

“I love you too.”

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ofindcmitability · 4 years

Text

( benjamin wadsworth, 18, he/him) welcome to san francisco, william bright. rumor has it they are a demon-darklighter, but only they could tell you the truth! when i close my eyes, i think of them and imagine scars, broken blades & bloody hands.

enter at your own risk, this is a long one folks. i considered condensing but i said fuck it haha sorry guys theres a tldr at the end thou dw

BACKSTORY.

tw rape, abuse, child abuse, child soldiers, murder, assasination, abduction, torture, grooming, violence, weapons, entrapment, death, sucide attempt

he was born from a negotiation between a darklighter and a demon. well, more like the demon’s father and the darklighter. the demon was called MEPHISTO. he hungered for power in all shapes and forms, fathering a cambion and trying to use her for his own means. his daughter, a cambion named LUCIANA, had too much of her mother’s heart in her. she was useless to him, at least until he found use for her. as a bargaining chip. the darklighter’s name was JACK. the man had been an ordinary human by the name of jack adler in the 16th century. he was chosen by a demon to become something darker. however, even with this new power granted to him, jack wanted more. and more was something he never stopped reaching for.

jack wanted nothing more than his own army, and who better to be his soldiers than perfectly groomed children? so he made some. so many, all failures to him. the wrong species, he’d deem them. the wrong upbringing, the wrong strengths, the wrong EVERYTHING. in his hate for waiting, and sickness of failure, he started going after whoever he could. ( so yes, there’s lots of adler babies in the world. none of them to his standards but yeah. )

finally his mindset on a CAMBION. cambion, who were stronger than their demon counterparts. and a darklighter to boot? this child would be PERFECT. jack would even raise them himself, he decided. so after negotiations with mephisto, he took his daughter. he assaulted luciana, more than once. until finally, she got pregnant.

luciana was at a crossroads. she wasn’t happy. but that wasn’t the child’s fault, none of it was. so, she decided, she would TRY and love them. her level of succession... varied.

a small boy was born, given the name XION. it was not luciana’s choice, but jack silenced any protest. luciana hated the name. it was the name of a blade, not a child. and that was what xion was groomed to be. trained to hurt, to maim, to kill, all before he even reached double digits in age. jack was relentless in his plan. he wanted this child to be PERFECTION. and in jack’s eyes, he was. a measly five-year-old with blood-stained hands. perfection.

xion didn’t know what was right and wrong, he wasn’t taught it. he was taught his to slice with a sword, how to choke someone, the best places to hit, and how to make someone feel pain like no other. he learned violence like one would abcs. it was something ingrained into him. he lacked the knowledge to know killing was bad. no one told him otherwise. luciana had tried to, once. when he was small and lacked understanding. but her voice was small, jack’s was loud.

death was a normal part of life. to xion, it wasn’t just death that was normal. it was murder. murder he committed without looking back. xion had no idea the weight of a life. he simply obeyed his father’s orders without hesitation and continued on. he ate, he slept, and he obeyed. there was no room for likes, dislikes, wants or needs. he didn’t even know what he was missing.

he was nine years old when things... changed. luciana had given up on him by then. seeing the child she bore as a monster rather than a little boy. it was easier for her that way, at least for her. it made it a bit harder when xion actually started questioning things. it began with a man, an old man. xion’s first victim to ever beg for his life. many never got the chance, or they’d attempt attacking xion. ( each target was handpicked by jack, of course. ) but this man, an old man. he cried. he begged for his life, he spoke of a child younger than xion, a child that apparently needed him. he was on his knees, shaking violently as tears rolled down his cheeks. begging and begging. and xion... hesitated. this was unlike anything he’d known before. it brought to the surface emotion he didn’t even understand. so, xion let him go. he didn’t understand why, he didn’t understand much of any of it.

he knew his father was not one to confide in and his grandfather was hardly around as it was. so that left his mother. a woman who always kept her distance, who was cold at times. but never intentionally cruel. at least, not that he realized. he chased her down (no, it wasn’t easy. she didn’t want to be alone with him and he didn’t understand why.) but eventually, he was able to tell her. that he spared a man’s life. that he didn’t know WHY. that there was something wrong with him, obviously. luciana thought differently. instead of the anger he expected for his failure she... she put her arms around him. for a moment, he thought she was attacking him. but instead it was warm. it was a hug, his very first.

she spoke with such kindness, such softness, such affection--- it was unlike anything xion ever knew. he wanted more of it. ( he’d never been loved before, he didn’t understand it but it felt so nice? ) he saw her smile and it made him feel something else unfamiliar. something... good. he made her smile and it made him feel good. it was kind of wonderous. in her burst of emotion, luciana decided he could be salvaged. he wasn’t a monster, he could be saved. she began going on about how they could leave jack, leave hell, leave everything behind--- even their names! she never liked xion, she proclaimed, she much better liked WILLIAM. with curious eyes, he agreed to her plan. he hungered for more of it, for more love and affection and warmth.

a week, she had decided. she needed only a week to make preparations and then they would run like a week. a week, and then they were gone. well, luciana had been half right. she was gone in a week. on the day they were set to leave, xion couldn’t find the woman at all. and then there was his father, so smug... xion demanded the truth from him ( it was the first time he demanded anything.) and jack gave in. gloating, even. how luciana had deluded herself into thinking xion was any more than a weapon. how, maybe, she could have gotten away with it. if she hadn’t commissioned the witch to catch that spell. a spell to ensure jack couldn’t have any remaining children, to spare the world. jack hadn’t cared, he had xion. his perfect weapon.

his perfect weapon that attacked jack in that very moment. he dispatched with the boy easily, still only 9. scarring his down his eyes, and keen that he learns his lesson. xion, did not, in fact, learn his lesson. rather, he began to rebel. rebel was hardly even the word for his level of disobedience. refusing to even respond to the name xion ( in his head, he called himself WILLIAM, but jack needn’t know that ).

3 years went by, with xion intent on escaping his father or fighting him at all opportunities. no longer was he the perfect weapon at jack’s hand, he was something far worse. angry, disobedient, without purpose. he hungered for those warm emotions his mother gave him, and when he couldn’t recreate them he settled on something far more burning.

by the time the boy was 12 he riddled a number of scars, and unbridled fury. He wanted to find his mom. he was imbued with a goal. make sure his mother was alive, and once she was safe he’d kill his father and grandfather. simple. except… it really wasn’t.

it was nearing his 13th year when mephisto came back into the picture. angered at what jack had done to his daughter ( his possession ), mephisto arranged to set william free and to his mother. and finally, he felt it again, that warmth. his grandfather took him a asylum, a magical asylum. it was where his father had kept luciana and in the three previous years she’d been through what amounted to hell. her appearance alone was a drastic change, she looked so much older. so tired, so broken, exhausted by the simpleness of being. her hair was even whitening. and yet--- when her eyes landed on him she SMILED.

before william could make a move toward her, there was commotion. hunters, in the asylum. he didn’t know if it was planned or coincidence, but the timing was all too perfect. one moment, his mother was smiling at him. the next, the door flew open. her eyes went black, and then there was a bullet between them. william ATTACKED the hunters, almost like a rabid animal. he was scarred across the face, but ultimately they hesitated to kill a child. rather, they knocked him out.

he awoke in a cage with a devil’s trap upon it, keeping him locked within. the hunters were wary of the young boy, but ultimately unsure of what to do with him. they needed to decide if he was a menace to society or not. if he could be TRUSTED. so they did... tests. well, they called them tests. others would call them torture. william called them annoying (and to him, who been tortured properly the last three years, they were).

an ally of the hunters eventually came along. a young man by the name of DALLAN BRIGHT. it was around the time the hunters decided william was too dangerous, that he needed to be killed. now, you see, dallan didn’t exactly agree. and dallan (like his mother) was a cambion. so rather than arguing, he turned the hunters to stone and freed the young boy riddled with scars.

learning to trust dallan was something of a journey. he doubted it was permant, that dallan expected to become the guardian of a little hellion. and yet, together they remained. time went on, and something happened akin to bonding. will only thought akin because he had never bonded before. yet there dallan was, watching out for him in a way he had no idea what to do with. it was nice though. strengthened with time and action. when dallan proved time and time again he was trustworthy, and each time it shocked will. until eventually (maybe around the time he was 16) it stopped shocking him. because dallan was dallan and suddenly that meant something.

due to moving around quite a bit with dallan, will never had a fixture of permanent schooling. rather he acquired data from time to time and did a lot of research on what could be considered normal. he lacks quite a bit of knowledge in some others, where others he’s practically a dictionary.

APX SEASON 1.

his life changed in the form of a girl named lizzie saltzman. he was fiddling with a toy that made annoying sounds she wasn’t fond of. they talked and for the first time in his whole life, william felt interest, fondness. he was KEEN in getting to know the blonde girl who was undoubtedly one of a kind. the two met again, traded numbers, traded jabs and flirts. it was fun for them both, a spark to light up a whole home. however as she confessed to him her species a siphoner, will realized something vital. he happened to be a mass murderer, a former assassin, with kills over his belt extending past three digits. just because he wasn't that person anymore, didn’t mean lizzie shouldn’t know what she was talking into. he refused for a date until she knew more. then, she did. lizzie was a smart girl, she did her research. the two met at a library, ready to END IT ( before it even began). only for henchman of his father to attack. an altercation occurred, with the ultimate result of will sacrificing himself in order to ensure lizzie’s protection. will had been tortured for weeks, trying to reign him into submission. he had begged lizzie to let him go. she hadn’t listened. instead, she saved him. while he took to the mend, they spoke. they discussed. and their feelings were far too deep to let each other GO. it was beyond chemistry now, they were bonded together in ways they hadn’t with any other. eventually, the two went on their first date ( five guys ), they had their first kiss ( yes, there were fireworks between them ), among other things. they were a normal, healthy couple. at least until an incident occurred. lizzie’s life was put in jeopardy, and she confessed to him her dire situation of the merge. so, will proposed. it was a no brainer to him. if lizzie only had a few years left, a life sentence, if they didn’t find a way out of it— he wanted to spend every moment with her. she accepted, and they are officially ENGAGED. however, they made the decision to postpone the wedding itself for years to come. give them time to find a solution, and not to worry too much about it itself. only that bit has changed recently. done with the threat of jack looming above their heads, the two concocted a plan. a plan that went wayside. jack was banished to a prison world but lizzie DIED. or at least, will thought she did. his grief was painful, but upon learning she was alive--- well, things changed. the two made the decison to stop waiting for the wedding, they were happy and in love. they’re getting MARRIED.

the next radical change to his life was somehow getting a best friend in the form of landon kirby. inspired by lizzie, will tried to be more social. this resulted in him meeting landon kirby. the guy was a bit nerdy, but later will found out he was too. there was no life changing situation that thrust them together, but rather, much like lizzie and himself— will and landon clicked. they hung out together, had fun, built an ease of a relationship. so much so, that will confessed to landon his past on his own accord. and landon, he accepted will without hesitation. it was landon who found will in the aftermath of lizzie’s ‘death’ and it was landon who talked him off the ledge. the two are kinda bonded for life tbh.

NOTES / FUN FACTS:

for the longest time, william’s only goal had been to murder his father. that has changed in frequent time, however, if ever given the opportunity it wouldn’t be as easy he dreamed it. in fact, he’d probably struggle with killing jack due to the man being the single constant within his life and having such a power over him, even now.

meta on william halliwell & emotion.

nicole alfaro and arlo park are his half siblings and yep, will has no idea.

TLDR: william used to be a weapon (assassin) his father jack. hella escaped and was semi adopted by dallan bright ( he is william bright now ). met lizzie saltzman, fell deeply in love, and is a kind of a hot mess but he’s trying.

#apx:intro #all the tws are at the top #there are so many #take heed

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magioftheseas · 6 years

Text

Day 1 - Reserve

Written for @the-hinata-project

Prompt: Reserve Course Student Hinata

Rating: G

Warnings: Lowkey manipulation and insecurity, but other than that, not much.

Notes: Alright, so I’m still in the middle of these, but like... Here’s the first one! They’re all going to be pretty short, around 2K but I’m gonna do my best to finish all of them so wish me luck...! And this first fic is gen. No ships. Next ones won’t be so gen. It’s also pre-HPA. Kind of.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

The last wish he made on New Year’s was a simple one.

I want to get into Hope’s Peak.

But of course that would never happen.

“Can’t you dream more realistically, Hajime? Do you have any idea how expensive Hope’s Peak actually is? We can’t afford that.”

“I... I know that, but...”

“If you know then why are you burdening us with this? Please. Just think about other people besides yourself for once.”

“...sorry.”

His mother sighs, but ruffles his hair in a show of affection.

“You current high school isn’t so bad, right? You can make good friends here, and it’s a fine school.”

“I guess it’s...decent,” he mumbles.

“Just don’t even worry about Hope’s Peak anymore,” she tells him. “It’s impossible, and it can’t be helped. Keep your chin up. Okay?”

“...fine...”

Because he knew, after all, that she had a point. They couldn’t afford it. And he wasn’t talented. It was a pipe dream to attend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Still...

For his birthday, he was given a new laptop to replace the old. It was a fairly recent model. Pretty expensive. Likely compensation. He can’t say he didn’t like it.

He wasn’t ungrateful. He doesn’t think so.

It’s just that I admire Hope’s Peak more than anything.

So much so that he finds himself on the forums first thing.

>Does anyone have any idea who’s going to be in the upcoming batch?

>They haven’t finished scouting, right? Oh, but I just saw on the news that an actual princess was accepted! Hope’s Peak really can get in anyone!

>Wow, actual royalty?!

>There’s this photographer I follow. She’s getting in, too, I’m pretty sure.

>I just saw Saionji Hiyoko-san’s performance last week. I’m positive she’s getting in.

>I’m more interested in the princess. Can you imagine how lucky it would be to meet an actual princess?

>>They’ll be running the lottery in a month or so. What I would give to have more of a chance...

>Wow, they’re doing that again?

>With how much getting into the reserve course costs, you probably have a better chance with the lottery...

>But if you win the lottery, you’re actually considered talented. Reserves are just...y’know, reserves.

>But you’ll get to meet the princess, potentially. I think the money’s worth it, even if all I can do is steal a glance!

>Still... Seems so lame that you can just pay your way in...

>But brand name recognition is pretty powerful...

>>I heard you can actually get into the main course from the reserve course if you do well enough.

>No way! That’s a pipe dream! Maybe if you paid like, twice as much!

>Must be nice to be rich, huh...

Hinata stares, wondering what to type, but also letting the thoughts swirl around in his head.

>>I would do anything to get into Hope’s Peak. But my family just can’t afford that.

>Yeah, mine neither. Who actually can?

>You’d be surprised... They’re getting a lot of enrollments.

>You can’t like...get a scholarship or anything? It’s not like you need to go to college after attending Hope’s Peak.

>Well the golden gates can’t open that wide, I suppose...

>It’s for the best. If just about anyone could get in, it wouldn’t be that special.

Hinata bites his lip, picking at the peeling skin with his teeth.

>>Still. I want to get in more than anything.

>If you aren’t talented, it can’t be helped.

>>I would give anything.

>Pffft. No kidding. I’d give an arm and a leg, probably.

>>I would give anything.

>A lot of people would.

>You’re like a super fan, huh. Well, I am, too, but still...

>>Getting into Hope’s Peak has always been my dream.

>Everyone wants to be special, man.

>But if everyone was special then no one would be special.

>It can’t be helped. You’re either born talented or you aren’t.

>Right?! I must have spent hours drawing but there was always that one person I could just never compare to. It’s hopeless!

>You shouldn’t say hopeless on the Hope’s Peak forums!

>Haha, sorry!

>>I’ve never been talented. There’s not one thing I’m particularly good at.

>Normie...

>>But I want to get into Hope’s Peak Academy... More than anything.

>Give it up. For your own good. Wishing for the impossible isn’t healthy.

>Hey, don’t tell him that! What if he ends up winning the lottery?

>Yeah, right!

>>I’m not particularly lucky, either.

>Luck’s not a talent anyway.

>Are you sure? I’ve known people who get ridiculously lucky while gambling...

>If they gamble too much, that luck’s bound to run out. And I bet they’re not that lucky, they just brag a lot.

>That might be true... Still it would be nice just to get into Hope’s Peak by chance...

>Whoever wins that lottery probably is ridiculously lucky considering how many people are participating. We’re talking like, every high school student in their first year in the country.

>Sucks to be other countries, huh.

>Maybe someday but for now, I like not having that much competition.

>Still a ridiculous amount competing...

>I bet it’ll be someone who can afford the reserve course if they haven’t already enrolled.

>No fair! That kind of thing should disqualify you immediately!

>>I just...want to get in...

>Yeah we all do. But it’s impossible.

>Impossible.

>Totally impossible.

>Pigs will fly first.

>I heard some Ultimates actually can make some crazy shit. We might see flying pigs pretty soon.

>That’s terrifying.

>>I just want to get in.

>You should get offline.

He should. He really, really should.

Is it really impossible?

“Of course it is,” he can practically hear them murmur. “Not only are you untalented, you can’t afford it! And you’re going to win the lottery, either!”

Hinata buries his face into his hands, shuddering.

I just... I just...

To his surprise, he later receives a DM. Shivering, he clicks it open.

>Would you really do anything for Hope’s Peak?

He doesn’t recognize the name of the sender but...it looks official.

>>Yes. Of course. Why?

>There actually is a program you can sign up for that will get you in without having to pay a coin.

Hinata blinked once. Twice.

It’s way too good to be true.

But he’s desperate. Beyond desperate.

>>What is this program? How can I sign up?

>Here’s the information.

What he’s about to do is how people get themselves abducted, he’s pretty sure. But right now, he’s desperate and... If it really was someone associated with Hope’s Peak, how bad can it be? What’s the worse than can happen?

I already have no chance getting in. I know that... But...

His heart was pounding as he took the train. He stared out the window, at HPA’s towering buildings in the distance, getting closer and closer, and he sucks in his breath.

It’s so shining that it hurts to look at.

Shining like a dream...

“Ah, Hinata-kun, you made it after all. So you have the necessary information?”

“Uh... Yes...” Truth be told, he didn’t understand most of it. There were a lot of words that were hard to read and pretty...advanced. “I just...well you said you couldn’t explain everything in just files, so...”

The other looked pretty professional. Sharply dressed and smiling in a way that at least seemed pretty welcoming. But...still pretty intimidating, considering the circumstances. Hinata ducked his head, feeling rather flustered.

“Yes, it’s meant to be kept very tightly under wraps, you see,” they laugh. “I need to assure confidentiality before explaining, Hinata-kun. Surely you understand.”

That’s...weird.

But it made his blood thrum with excitement to be a part of.

“I... Y-Yes, of course. Absolutely... Of course...”

“Sign this form, then, promising that.”

“O-Of course...!”

He scribbles down his signature without a second thought. The other smiled more, pleased. Hinata squirmed in his seat, and tried to keep his posture straight.

With that, the other sat across from him, polite and yet...expectant.

Ah... Hah...

“So you’re willing to do anything for this school,” they say, voice almost light but also dense with significance. “Might I ask why?”

“It’s...as I said on the forums,” Hinata mumbles, fiddling with his tie. Even dressed professionally for this would-be interview, he feels underdressed. “I’ve always admired this school. Always. It’s always been my dream to...to go there...”

The other nods, expression unchanged.

“And why do you wish so badly to go there, despite not having a talent that can be cultivated?”

Hinata flinched.

“T-That’s...! I...” He hesitates, but he soon finds the words just spilling out. “I just want to be someone I can be proud of. Someone who can stand tall. Be confident. Be significant. Isn’t that what I deserve?”

“Isn’t that what everyone deserves?”

Hinata’s nails dig into his palms.

“I admire Hope’s Peak...more than anyone. I will give whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.” His teeth grit. “Whatever it takes... W-Whatever it takes...!”

Even though I know it’s selfish and impossible, I just...!

He just wanted to be someone. Someone other than...this.

Unimportant. Unremarkable. A faceless, meaningless part of the mass. The idea of being consumed by mediocrity and insignificance for the rest of his life, never to matter, never to even be remembered, just to disappear, just like he never even existed—

“I’ll do...w-whatever...it takes...” He’s shaking, eyes wide and crazed. “Whatever it takes... Whatever I can...and then more than that...if I have to.”

“Ah. I see.” An easy smile. And yet, the atmosphere felt so heavy that it was near suffocating. “Very well then, Hinata-kun. That’s exactly the kind of attitude we’re looking for.”

Hinata lit up.

“R-Really?” He dares to let hope slip into his tone. “D-Do you really mean it?”

A nod.

“Hinata-kun... If you could be reborn from the faceless body of a miserable nobody into the world’s hope... Would you?”

“That...sounds too good to be true...” His heart really was racing, but he was flushed with excitement. “But... Y-Yeah... I... Of course...”

“Then, allow me to tell you about how that can be possible. If you agree, you’ll be accepted into the school, free of charge, no talent necessary. In fact, it’s even essential that you be talentless.”

I...don’t understand.

He doesn’t understand but it just sounds so incredible that he can’t help but be swayed.

“...tell me.”

“Very well.”

A folder of files is placed before him. They look too important to grasp. And the stamped out letters of CONFIDENTIAL stare back into his wide-eyed, shimmering gaze.

Fingers trembling, Hinata actually slices his finger open as he flips it open.

He doesn’t even feel the sting, as engrossed as he is in the text.

“I...”

The words swirl around in his head, over and over until he drowns in them.

“Do you need time to think about it?” the other asks him kindly. So kindly that Hinata is struck cold. “Tell you what... You can still get into the reserve course. You don’t have to say yes right away, and the deadline will be in a few months from now. You can attend classes here until then...and then make your decision on whether or not you’re willing to stay. Okay?”

“I... O-Okay.” Hinata swallows. “That’s... I’m okay with that.”

I said I’d do anything. And I do...want to do anything. But...

His hands are shaking while still gripping the files.

I can’t...let this chance slip by...even if it’s something like this. This is everything I ever wanted. Why am I even hesitating?

“It’s alright,” the other says reassuringly, taking the files away with ease. “Hinata-kun, I know you’ll make the best decision for yourself.”

For...myself. Myself...

“I...yes.”

“I’ll have them send in your acceptance letter and uniform.” His hand is shook, the grip warm and calloused. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Hinata-kun.”

“A-A pleasure... Yeah.”

Just like that, Hinata was stumbling out of Hope’s Peak, trembling and falling to pieces with every shaky step.

I have to do it, he can’t help but think. I have to do it, for...for myself...

This was going to be the year his life changed irreparably. He was sure of it.

#thehinataproject #hajime hinata #hinata hajime #Magi fics #the hinata project #although it's not going to show up #I might as well #I'll probably have to message someone anyway #The tragedy of being muted

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piperemerald · 6 years

Text

Memories

I have commissions open and will write for pretty much any Votlron pairing or idea!

Pairing: Klance

Premise: In which Krolia sees a handful of memories Keith and Lance shared and gives Keith the motherly advice he needs.

Read on AO3

Krolia saw more of her son’s life than she let on. She knew that neither of them had any control over the moments that they saw, and didn’t want to embarrass him by bringing up the ones that she knew were clearly not for any eyes but his own. That didn’t mean she didn’t treasure each glimpse into the life she’d thought she’d never get the chance to be a part of.

Most of the memories hurt her heart. Part of her had always known that it wasn’t in Keith’s genes to lead a perfect life, but seeing how ripped at the seams his child hood was felt like a knife in her chest. The universe hadn’t been good to him. He’d struggled to survive and he was still fighting now.

However, there were a handful of moments that made her glad. As she had expected from what Keith told her of his life, all of these included the friends he’d found himself with. She’d heard stories of the paladins of Voltron as she continued her mission for the Blade of Marmora. None of the legends told in countless planets quite captured the quickly group of kids who’d sworn to save the universe.

Keith talked about Voltron without hesitation. Unlike the sore spots of his growing up or the still present wounds of the losses he’d endured with the Blade, this was a topic he seemed happy to share with her. That was why the glimpses she caught surprised her. While Keith loved talking about the group, he’d made a point to cut out a detail. That detail was Lance Mcclain.

Sure, Keith had talked about his former school rival and teammate about as much as the others, but he never told his mother what Lance really meant to him. She had to see that for herself.

The first moment happened a week after they had boarded the creature taking them through space. Keith was asleep, but she was too restless and had been spending the past hour watching the fire. It hurt her eyes, but there was something compelling about seeing the flames from and flicker out.

It happened without warning. One moment she was completely present, sitting next to her son’s sleeping body. The next she was standing in a crowded hallway. Only she wasn’t standing. She wasn’t there. She was seeing everything clearly, but it wasn’t through her own eyes.

Keith was just trying to get passed everyone else. He didn’t want to be here, he really didn’t.

"Hey, Keith!”

Of course he was being wrenched out of his thoughts by the most annoying voice he had to deal with. Of course he wouldn’t be allowed to just walk out of here without some sort of half-assed confrontation.

“What do you want?” He turned to face Lance.

“Seriously?” Lance had his arms crossed and what Keith imagined was supposed to look must more threatening than a pout on his face. “You can’t just call me out in front of everyone and saunter away.”

“It’s not my fault that you don’t know how to pilot,” Keith said smugly before grimacing. “Saunter? Really?”

“Just mind your own business next time,” Lance huffed.

“Whatever, Lance.” Keith shook his head, but he couldn’t help the small grin forming on his face as he walked away. He made sure Lance didn’t see it. He didn’t know how this kid would react if he realized that despite his determination that they were opponents, he was the closest thing Keith had to a friend in this place.

Keith had told Krolia he only vaguely remembered Lance from before they became paladins. She had a feeling that this was what he’d told everyone. She decided not to question the matter. Keith hadn’t meant to share that moment with her, and she wasn’t going to invade what he wanted to keep private any further than time was already making her.

Still, it was nice to see a younger him smile. So many of his memories lacked anything happy, and if this boy trying to irritate him could give him that then she was grateful.

Part of her did question why Keith was so dead set on keeping this a secret. It wasn’t as if Lance and him weren’t teammates, or that Voltron was as divorced on acting on emotions as the Blade. If her son was anything like her—and she knew he was—then emotional connections wasn’t something that came easy to him. Krolia only ever had a rare few loved ones, and most of those she had lost. At times that had made her more reserved, but it had also made her cherish love in the instances that she had it.

But many that was presuming too much. Keith might just not like to dwell on his life before becoming a paladin and a member of the Blade. That she understood more than anything.

That morning Keith seemed a little bit lighter. She wished she could say the same for herself. After seeing the memory it had been even harder to still her thoughts enough to fall asleep.

“Did you sleep well?” She asked her son as they began what had become their mourning routine.

“Surprisingly, yeah.” Keith smiled. It was the same smile that she’d seen in the memory.

The next one was just as unexpected as the first. She was watching Keith try to teach the dog how to fetch. They hadn’t settled on a name for him yet, mainly because Keith didn’t want to go with Yorak but couldn’t think up anything better.

In the eighteen years she’d been away from Earth, she’d managed to keep domestic fantasies at bay. However, watching Keith now made her think of what it might have been like if she stayed. She could see a much younger him with a much more Earth-like pet. She’d be watching them in the yard of the house her and her husband shared while he made dinner for the three of them. They’d talk about what Keith did that day at school and a million tiny trivial things that not one of them had really been allowed.

It was then that the real past took her dream’s place.

Keith was sitting alone in the control room. When he first joined Voltron he’d thought that it would be jarring to look out into empty space, but now he found it oddly relaxing. It reminded him how small he was—how small all of them were. For some reason, that made most of his fears calm down a little bit.

The peace was of course shattered by the sound of something falling behind him. Keith sprang to his feet, expecting—well, at this point he wasn’t even sure what he was expecting. His eyes were met with Lance, sprawled on the ground and looking thoroughly embarrassed.

“I wasn’t supposed to trip,” he informed Keith.

“Right,” Keith uttered.

“Hi,” Lance pulled himself to his feet.

“What are you doing awake?” Keith asked him.

“Hello, Lance. It’s nice to see you. How are you doing?” Lance attempted to imitate Keith’s voice.

“Whatever,” Keith shook his head. “It’s late.”

“Well, technically it isn’t.” Lance informed him, walking forward to sit down. “Since we’re in space and all.”

“You know what I mean,” Keith muttered. “Everyone else is asleep. What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing?” Lance asked back. “You’re awake too, you know.”

“I’m aware,” Keith said dryly. He sat down as well, for the moment accepting Lance’s presence. “I come here to think sometimes.”

“At midnight?” Lance asked.

“Yes, at midnight,” Keith rolled his eyes.

“Do you need no one else to be around to think?” Lance questioned.

“It helps,” Keith said pointedly.

“Then your brain should thank me for giving it a break,” Lance decided. “Also, I’m pretty sure theres a difference between thinking and brooding.”

“I don’t brood,” Keith said stiffly.

“Uh, yeah you do.” Lance informed him.

Keith sighed. He wasn’t in the mood to bicker, he just wanted to clear his head.

“What about you?” He asked Lance. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, nothing,” Lance shoved his hands in his pockets. “I can hear Hunk snoring from the other room. Kinda hard to sleep through that.”

“The walls are sound proof,” Keith dismissed.

“Which is why it’s so distracting!” Lance exclaimed.

Keith didn’t buy that for a second. Flimsy excuse aside, Lance wasn’t a a great liar. Whenever he said something that wasn’t true, every part of him seemed to radiate an “I’m guilty” vibe. Keith was sure that made things a lot easier for Lance’s parents when he was growing up.

“So you can’t sleep?” He asked.

“I can sleep fine,” Lance brushed off. “When it’s quiet.”

“Right,” Keith nodded.

Why was it only now that he seemed to notice the dark circles under Lance’s eyes? Surely those hadn’t been there before. Someone would have said something. Shiro and Allura were the most observant and caring people Keith had ever met. They would have seen how tired Lance looked in a heart beat. It wasn’t like he could make part of his face go away.

Then again, Keith had once seen how many beauty products Lance had in his room. He could be covering the sleep bruises during the day. Still, that would mean that he was actively trying to hide whatever was going on with him from the rest of them.

Maybe Lance was a better liar than Keith thought.

It was at that moment that Lance failed at stifling a yawn. So he was tired, he just wasn’t sleeping. That explained why he’d tripped on nothing coming in. He was probably exhausted but he wasn’t sleeping. He had trouble standing, yet he’d made himself walk all the way from his room to here.

“Are you okay?” Keith hadn’t meant to sound like he really had no idea. That was probably the worst thing he could ask, anyway. Of course Lance wasn’t okay, that much was obvious.

“Yeah,” Lance shrugged. “I wasn’t the one brooding.”

“Right,” Keith muttered.

He noticed when Lance’s shoulders slumped a little bit more, and his body leaned a little bit farther back into his seat. He also noticed that it was getting harder and harder for Lance to keep his eyes open. Keith didn’t say anything, or try to keep Lance awake. They sat there in silence for what felt like ages, but really was probably only a few minutes.

When Lance finally slipped out of consciousness, his head fell onto Keith’s shoulder. Keith stiffen slightly, but didn’t try to push him off. If he did Lance would wake up and continue to avoid sleeping for whatever reason.

So he just sat there with Lance’s head resting on his shoulder, quietly looking out into space. Suddenly everything was peaceful again. Keith wasn’t sure that it made sense for him to feel at peace with Lance practically sleeping on top of him, but for some reason the sound of his breathing was soothing.

At least, it was until Lance jolted awake with a violent gasp, nearly punching Keith in the chest as he did so.

Krolia was starting to wonder what time was showing Keith without her knowing, or if this trade was something that only went one way. Maybe this was deliberate. Maybe some force was telling her that these were the moments she needed to know. Or maybe she was seeing the memories that Keith chose to call back to him while they waited to continue their mission.

“They’re getting worse, aren’t they?” Keith didn’t bother with small talk when he found Lance alone in the control room.

“It’s fine,” Lance shrugged.

“You’re a bad liar,” Keith informed him even though he still wasn’t certain about that.

“Why are you here?” Lance didn’t sound defensive, just curious.

Keith didn’t have an answer for that. He was tired enough to sleep, and he didn’t need to clear his head right now. This was one of the few times where he was calm, but he’d still dragged himself here when he knew that the rest of their team was asleep.

“I don’t know,” Keith lied.

“Okay.” Lance knew he was lying. Keith hadn’t noticed when they’d gotten to the point of being able to communicate with out talking. He’d only ever been that connected to Shiro, but some how Lance and him were on the same page.

“You could tell the others,” Keith voiced. “Pidge might know some science way to help them stop. Or you could ask Allura to use Altean magic on you. I’m sure you’d like that.”

Lance tried to laugh.

“Why don’t you tell someone?” Keith asked more seriously now.

“You know why,” Lance stated.

“You’re in a team now,” Keith pressed. “How are people supposed to rely on you if you keep stuff like this hidden.”

“That’s funny coming from you,” Lance informed him. “I’m fine Keith. You don’t have to worry.”

“I’m going to anyway,” Keith blurted.

For a second neither of them said anything. Keith didn’t like to speak his emotions. He didn’t like to make connections if he didn’t know how long they’d last. He didn’t shut people out on purpose, but that thought pattern was so engraved into him that it was hard not to.

“I remember our bonding moment,” Lance let the words fall from his lips with a small and genuine smile.

“I knew it,” Keith couldn’t help smiling back. “Do you want to sleep in my room?”

Keith wasn’t sure where the confidence to ask that had come from. The second it left his lips he could feel his face turning red. It didn’t help that Lance was staring at him, apparently at a loss for words.

“I mean,” Keith cleared his throat. “You can’t just not sleep. I could wake you up if they get bad, and at least then you won’t be alone after.”

“Are you sure?” Lance wasn’t brushing him off. He wasn’t telling him he didn’t need help. He was looking at Keith like he actually wanted to say yes.

“Yeah,” Keith nodded. “We don’t have to tell the others if you don’t want to.”

“Why are you doing this for me?” Lance asked.

“We’re part of a team,” Keith reminded him.

“I wonder how long it’s been for them,” Keith voiced one day.

“The Blades?” Krolia asked.

She’d been in the middle of attempting to make them lunch. It seemed the both of them weren’t very skilled in that department. She remembered once saying that she’d take the ability to fight over knowing to cook anyway. She was rethinking that now.

“And Voltron,” Keith answered. “They’ll notice if I don’t contact them for a while. They’ll get worried.”

“Maybe they’ll decide to rescue us.” She wouldn’t mind that. Even if she was happy to finally be with Keith again, they were both slowly getting restless.

“Yeah,” Keith sighed. “I don’t think they’d listen to him.”

“I thought Shiro was the leader?” She asked.

“What?” Keith blinked at her. “Oh, yeah. He is. I meant—never mind. I’m just babbling.”

“Right,” she hummed. She was pretty sure she knew who he’d meant.

“Is something going on between you and Lance?” The question caught Keith completely off guard. Shiro was giving him a knowing smile that Keith really didn’t know how to react to. “I saw him sneaking out of your room yesterday morning.”

“Oh,” Keith wasn’t sure if he should laugh or scream. “No. No, it’s not at all what it looks like.”

“Okay, Keith,” Shiro was still smiling.

“I’m serious,” Keith sounded like he was babbling excuses. It really was nothing like that. Not at all. “We were just talking.”

“I get it,” Shiro told him. “It’s between you and him. That’s nice. I’m happy for you, Keith.”

“There’s nothing to be happy for,” Keith tried. “Shiro, I’m not lying.”

Shiro ruffled his hair. He hadn’t done that since Keith was in high school.

“Where you and Dad in love?” The question seems to come out of nowhere. “I mean, I know you were, but—God, that sounds so stupid.”

“Is this about why I left?” She had to ask.

“No,” Keith shook his head. “No, I understand that.”

“What’s bothering you?” She knew something was. She knew he wasn’t just wondering, there was something behind the question.

“What’s it like?” He asked a little hesitantly, as if he was judging the words even as he was voicing them.

“Being in love?” She asked.

“I just,” Keith ran a hand through his hair almost nervously.“I never talked to him about it before he—”

That sentence was left unfinished. It was alright. They both knew how it ended.

“And Shiro never tried to broach that subject so,” Keith smiled meekly. Suddenly he was nineteen and not stiffened from war and hardships. Suddenly he was the young man who might have come to her one normal night with these questions and an innocent gleam in his eyes.

“It’s nice,” she stated.

“Well, I figured that much,” he muttered.

“Do you think you’re in love?” She asked him.

“No,” Keith seemed to hear how quickly the word came out and how untruthful it sounded. “I don’t know.”

“You can talk to me,” she told him.

“I know,” he smiled at her now. “I just want to figure things out in my head first.”

She couldn’t help the knowing look that spread on her face. It was funny. All the times that she’d imagined him grown up, she’d never thought that so much of her would be in him.

“What?” Keith crossed his arms.

“We’re very alike,” she hummed.

“Yeah,” he stated.

“Your father wasn’t like that,” she told him. “He was more passionate. He was very impulsive in a good way. He went with his gut and didn’t go back on it.”

“Yeah?” Keith was listening intently now. He was hanging on every word. She pushed down how sad that made her feel. It had been so long since he had a parent.

“When I was your age, I didn’t think that everything happened for a reason.” She went on. “I figured that everyone was in charge of their own fate and that was that.”

“Are you trying to say meeting him was destiny?” He asked skeptically.

“Having you was,” she answered honestly. “Meeting him was a happy accident and I wouldn’t trade anything for it.”

“So that’s what love is?” Keith wondered. “An accident?”

“For me,” she admitted. “It’s something that people like us don’t think we’ll get. But, Keith, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“I thought they stopped,” Keith said when he opened the door of his room to find Lance awkwardly hovering outside of it.

“I was gonna knock,” Lance said quickly.

“Right,” Keith wanted to laugh. If he didn’t feel so empty inside he probably would have.

“They might come back,” Lance told him.

“You’re still a bad liar.” Keith stepped aside for Lance to come into the room, closing the door behind him. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Lance shrugged. “I’m just on edge.”

He wasn’t.

“Lance,” Keith exhaled.

“Okay,” Lance sighed. “I don’t get why you won’t let be be subtle. I don’t want you to be alone right now.”

“I’m fine,” Keith tried.

“No, you’re not.” There was something in his eyes that Keith never really thought would be directed at him. “I know you’re not, and that’s okay. I miss Shiro. We all do, but you’ve known him the longest. You were the closest too him. It’s okay for you to be in pain.”

“No it isn’t,” Keith said sharply. “Me being in pain isn’t going to find him.”

“Neither is you bottling everything up,” Lance countered. “Look, you don’t have to talk to me. But just let me stay here, okay? Just for tonight.”

“I don’t need you feeling sorry for me,” Keith started.

“It’s me caring,” Lance corrected. “And you don’t get a choice about it.”

Keith felt something inside him collapse. He felt something stop fighting, because maybe this was what he’d wanted the whole time. He’d wanted someone to push through his walls because they knew that he was destroying himself alone inside of them.

“Just don’t hog the blankets this time,” Keith uttered.

“No promises.”

“I like guys.” The statement didn’t seem like it was coming out of nowhere. All day, Krolia had thought that there was something Keith was trying to tell her. She didn’t think that was it.

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know if for Galra that’s a big deal or not,” he continued. “On earth it kinda is. I didn’t tell Dad, I mean I didn’t know I did back then. I didn’t think that I’d ever have the reason to come out of the closet, since Shiro kinda already pegged me as gay.”

“Come out of the closet?” She questioned.

“It’s what people call telling everyone that you’re gay,” he explained.

“Which means liking men,” she figured.

“Or women if you’re a girl,” he added.

“And this is a big deal on earth?” She was starting to get it.

“Yeah,” Keith nodded.

“I’m glad you told me.” She didn’t think it was something that he needed to say like a confession, but from how he was talking she could tell it was important to him. That alone made her happy that he’s wanted to tell her. “So is there a boy that you like?”

“No, not really,” Keith said sheepishly. She wasn’t sure she believed that.

“You don’t have to tell me that much,” she added. “I don’t think most boys tell their mothers those details.”

“Do Galra care?” He wondered. “About which gender you prefer?”

“Most don’t,” she had come across a few who thought that others were odd for their romantic preferences but those were few and far between.

“Right,” he nodded.

“They’re more concerned with those who like other species,” she added.

“That would be you then,” he said with a slight smile.

“Fitting the norm doesn’t run in our family,” she informed him.

“Good.” For a moment, he didn’t say anything. When he did speak, his voice was softer, and the slightest bit more vulnerable. “There is a boy”

“Yeah?” She hummed.

“He doesn’t like me.”

“How do you know?” She doubted that. If Keith’s memories where anything to go off of she really doubted that.

“I just do,” he sighed.

“I’m sorry,” she meant this.

“It’s okay,” he shrugged. “Considering everything going on, heartbreak is nothing.”

“Does that stop it from hurting?” She knew the answer to that.

“No.”

There weren’t words that could mend what he was feeling. So instead she pulled him into her arms and just held him. She thought of how she would have comforted him if they had lived that normal life. She thought about how much bigger all of this would have felt if they weren’t floating in the middle of space.

“Hey!”

Keith hadn’t thought that it was going to be this hard to catch Lance at the end of the meeting. It was becoming for rare for the Blade to travel all the way to the Castle of Lions to strategize, but Keith had made sure that he was with the group when they did.

“Hi,” Lance turned to him as if he hadn’t been avoiding his eyes for the entire day.

“I thought we could talk,” Keith stated. He’d thought that Lance would want to as well. He’d thought that they would waste no time catching up.

“About what?” Lance asked.

Keith didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t know what the air of coldness between them was. This wasn’t them. This hadn’t been them for a long time.

“I don’t know,” Keith said honestly. “Anything. How you’ve been, I guess.”

“I’m fine,” Lance said curtly.

“That’s good,” Keith uttered.

“Yeah,” Lance turned to walk away. Keith wasn’t going to let that happen. He wasn’t going to leave them like this. Maybe the him when he’d first joined Voltron would have, but he was different now. They both were.

“What’s going on?” Keith demanded, blocking Lance’s path. “Are you mad at me?”

“I can’t do this right now, Keith,” Lance didn’t meet his eyes.

“Do what?” Keith questioned. “What is with you?”

“What is with me?” Something in Lance’s restraint broke at that. “I’m not the one who disappeared.”

“What are you talking about?” Keith gapped at him. “I didn’t disappear, you know exactly why I left. You all do.”

“Okay, that makes it all fine then, Keith.” Lance said harshly. It was only now that Keith realized what he was hiding. It was only now that Keith saw he was trying really hard to keep himself from crying.

“What’s wrong?” Keith asked. “If you don’t talk to me, I can’t fix anything.”

“You can’t fix anything,” Lance stated. “There isn’t anything to fix.”

“Then why are you mad at me?” Keith all but shouted.

“Keith, I don’t know who you are anymore!” Lance stopped trying to keep the tears at bay. He stopped trying to keep his voice steady and his chest from contracting with silent sobs. “And you didn’t even give me the chance to say goodbye.”

“I told you I was going—”

“Yeah, and then you were gone,” Lance cut him off. He didn’t sound angry now. He just sounded sad. “You gave me no warning. One second everything was normal and then it was all gone.”

“I had to.”

“You wanted to,” Lance corrected. “And that hurt the most. I kept questioning everything before that. I kept wondering if maybe everything else was just you humoring me. Maybe you actually left a long time ago and I was just too stupid to notice.”

“That’s not what happened,” Keith hated how broken he sounded. He hated how much these words shattered him. He hated how much he had wounded the boy in front of him. He’d cut into him and not looked back.

“It was like I was in mourning or something,” Lance continued.

“I wasn’t dead,” Keith reminded him. “I still talked to you guys.”

“Not of you,” Lance snapped. “Of us. It’s like we died and you didn’t give me the chance to save us.”

“I’m sorry,” Keith uttered. Because that was really all he could say now.

“I am too,” Lance just sounded weak now. He sounded weak and tired and like he’d given up. “I miss you a lot.”

“I miss you too,” Keith needed him to know.

“But we can’t just go back to how things used to be,” Lance smiled now.

It wasn’t a real smile. It was him trying to put on his brave face. Keith had seen that before. He’s seen it when the nightmares started, he’d seen it all the times they rushed into what they knew would be a battle, and he’s seen it when he left.

“We can’t,” Keith said. He couldn’t just leave the Blades, and even if he did that wouldn’t fix the hole he’d made. It wouldn’t convince Lance that all he really wanted was to be back by his side again.

“You should go,” Lance told him. “You weren’t supposed to stay this long, right?”

“Yeah.” Keith didn’t want to leave.

“Call us later,” Lance tried to push humor back into his voice. “So we know you’re not getting yourself into trouble.”

“I will.” Keith didn’t want to leave.

“Bye, Keith.”

“Bye, Lance.”

Keith walked away.

“I’m gonna miss how quiet it is here,” Keith remarked.

“Really?” Krolira asked doubtfully.

“A little bit,” Keith shrugged. “It’s nice not to be in the middle of everything for once.”

“You don’t have to always be there, if you don’t want to,” she told him.

“Neither do you,” he countered. “Someone has to.”

“I didn’t think we’d be this the same,” she mused.

“Neither did I,” Keith smiled now. “You’re a lot better than the mom I imagined.”

“Really?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Keith nodded. “She was incredibly boring compared to you.”

Krolia laughed at that.

“You’re much more grown up than I thought you’d be at this age,” she let him know.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” He asked her.

“I’m still deciding that,” she ruffled his hair for good measure not caring about the eye roll she received in response.

“Keith!” Lance didn’t give him anymore of a warning before launching himself toward him. For a second, Keith thought he was going to punch him. He guessed he’d kinda deserved that. Instead Lance tackled him into what Keith took a second to realize was a hug.

“What?” Was all Keith was able to get out before Lance did infect punch him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I should ask you the same thing!” Lance was angry, he was really angry. “Matt told me what you tried to do.”

Oh. So that was what this was about.

“I didn’t do anything,” Keith pulled himself up from the ground. Lance was still squared off, this time Keith didn’t know if it was to attack or embrace. “Lotor showed up before I could.”

“And what if he hadn’t?” Lance questioned.

“You know what,” Keith felt cold. He didn’t know what to do with the stare Lance was giving him. He didn’t know what to do with the worry.

“Never do something that stupid again,” Lance hissed. He grabbed hold of Keith’s shoulders. Keith hadn’t realized he was that strong.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Keith snapped. “I was trying to protect the rest of you!”

“With your life?” Lance’s grip on him tightened. “That’s not okay, Keith. There’s always going to be another way.”

“But there wasn’t!” Keith shouted. “You think I just jump into danger because I want to? I’m not an idiot, Lance. I looked at the situation and…”

Keith swallowed his words. He didn’t know if he wanted to voice them. He knew this wasn’t the right time, he knew there was never going to be a right time, because this wasn’t right. It was selfish but if Keith was being completely honest with himself, he was always going to put Lance first. Whether that meant giving up his place in Voltron or his life.

“And?” Lance was still staring at him with those bright, demanding eyes. Keith wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to keep anything from those eyes.

“And I’d rather die than not keep you safe, okay?” Keith pulled out of Lance’s grip. “I’m sorry if I scared you, but I’d do it again if I had to.”

“Keith,” Lance’s voice was softer now.

He looked like he wasn’t sure how to phrase what was going through his mind. Keith just watched as the emotions danced on his face. Lance didn’t need to say anything. Keith heard exactly what he needed just by looking.

“We should go find the others,” Keith said softly.

“You’re not staying, are you?” Lance asked.

“You know the answer to that.”

It was after that memory that Krolia decided she wasn’t going to keep silent anymore. She wanted to give Keith his privacy, but she knew that if he was anything like her—and he was—being alone with his thoughts was not going to do him any good. By not making him talk about Lance, about why he left Voltron, she was leaving him alone with the pain.

She was going to sit him down and have a conversation. Then they’d found the Altean colony, and everything after that had pushed talking aside. It felt like none of them even had the chance to breathe until it was all over.

They stopped on a plant to plot their corse back to Earth. They were going back to Earth. That alone was too much for her to handle.

Keith was like her. He thrived under pressure and had learned how to handle a crisis. It seemed that with Shiro recovering from coming back to life, he had appointed himself the leader. She was proud of him, even if it was stressful to watch him run around making sure everything was in order.

“I didn’t think he’d actually find you.” The voice startled her out of her thoughts. It was a voice she’d heard in Keith’s mind so many times, but in person only through the chaos.

“You’re Lance,” she stated.

“Yep,” the blue paladin nodded. “He told you about me?”

“A bit.” Far more than he’d meant to.

“Right,” Lance sighed. Somehow she felt that had been the wrong answer. “I don’t know if he told you, but—I just—do you know if he’s going to stay?”

“With Voltron?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Lance nodded.

“I don’t,” she answered honestly. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Lance sighed again. “Thanks.”

“If you want him to, you should tell him,” she added.

“Nah, I’d just get in the way,” Lance shrugged. “He��s gotta do what he’s gotta do.”

“Talk to him,” she said firmly. “If you don’t you’ll regret it.”

“I can’t tell if that’s a threat or a premonition,” Lance sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s both,” she informed him. “Take it as both.”

She pulled her son aside later. It was nearing night and the group had decided to rest in a near by inn. The inhabitants of the planet where on their side, so at least they didn’t have to worry about safety.

“This wasn’t how I wanted you to meet them,” Keith chuckled. “I’d kinda hoped that we get a calm moment.”

“That’s not how this universe works,” she said knowingly.

“Yeah,” Keith nodded.

“I need to talk to you about something,” she started.

“Is it about Lance?” He asked before she could say anything. “I saw the two of you talking earlier.”

“Yes, it’s about him,” she answered.

“And about all the memories of him you saw?” Keith asked this as if he wasn’t dropping a bomb on her.

“You knew,” she stated.

“Yeah,” he ran a hand through his hair. “I was gonna talk to you about it, but I didn’t really want to talk about it.”

“Would it be better if I pretend I didn’t see it?” She asked him.

“I don’t think anything is going to be easy for any of us anymore,” Keith replied. “I’m not embarrassed.”

“Okay,” she nodded.

“But if you’re gonna ask me to just go and talk to him, I can’t.” He added.

“And why is that?” She questioned.

“Look at everything that’s going on,” Keith sighed. “I’m not going to make him talk to me about feelings. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’s still mad at me for leaving in the first place.”

“He’s not going to forgive you if you don’t talk to him,” she chided.

“Communication isn’t my strong suit,” he said dryly.

“I know,” she smiled a sad smile. “You get that from me.”

“I think I’m gonna go to bed,” Keith decided. “I’m really exhausted.”

“We’re not done talking,” Krolia told him sternly.

“Mom, I don’t need love advice,” he groaned.

“How about just advice then?” She rested her hand on his shoulder. The tips of his hair brushed against her fingers. He really needed to get that cut sometime soon.

“I have a feeling you’re going to give it to me whether I say sure or not,” Keith relented.

“You’re a smart kid,” she smirked.

“I’m not a kid,” he muttered. Only he was. He’d never really stop being one, even through the trauma, and loss, and danger.

“It broke my heart to leave you and your father, but I did because I had to,” she started.

“I know,” he interrupted. “We talked about this before, I understand.”

“Do you know how I was able to leave the two people that mattered the most to me in the entire universe?” She asked him.

“Because you knew you were doing what was right?” He assumed.

“No,” a sad smile formed on her face. “Because no matter what happened, I was still taking with me all of the moments that we shared. I’m never going to see your father again, but he’ll always be with me.”

“I know he will,” Keith smiled too. Just for a moment. “But I don’t see what this has to do with me and Lance.”

“When I met your father I didn’t think about having to leave someday,” she told him. “I didn’t think about the war, or danger, I thought about the moment and I’ve never regretted anything that we shared.”

“You know I can’t just do that,” Keith stated.

“Why?” She asked.

“Because we’re not on Earth protecting lions, we’re in the middle of the war!” Keith exclaimed. “We don’t have time or the luxury for things like feelings.”

“No,” she said firmly. “It’s because we’re in the middle of a war, and because you might not have all the time in the world, that you deserve that luxury. If you just fight for the mission, Keith, you’ll survive but you’re not going to live. Fight for the people you care about, and let yourself have the chance to care about them.”

“He’ll want me to stay,” Keith uttered.

“Do you want to?” She asked him.

“Yes,” his voice was small now.

“You’re going to do just as much good with Voltron as you would with the Blade,” she told him. “And unlike the Blade, I think they need you.”

He nodded.

“And you need them too,” she added. “You can’t pretend that you don’t.”

“That doesn’t mean he feels the same,” Keith murmured. “What if he doesn’t?”

“What if he does and you do nothing?” She asked.

“I’m scared,” he uttered.

“I know.” She pulled him into her arms. “But have you ever let that hold you back before?”

Keith stood outside of the room he’d been told Lance was staying in. This was stupid. After nearly dying so many times, he couldn’t bring himself to simply knock on a door. God, this was stupid.

He didn’t even know what he was going to say. He didn’t know where to start. There was so much he wanted to tell Lance, but in the end would any of it change the things Lance had yelled at him. They’d pushed that fight aside because they’d had to, but that didn’t change the fact that Lance didn’t see him as the same person anymore.

He didn’t know if that changed the nights that they’d slept in the same bed just to make sure that the other could make it through the night. He didn’t know if Lance had let go of the moments they’d spent together because he was afraid the Keith had let them go first. He didn’t know what went on in Lance’s head. He never did and it was driving him crazy.

The door opened before he could work up the courage to ask to come in.

“I was gonna knock,” he uttered.

He watched surprise turn to amusement on Lance’s face. He remembered the time that Lance had said the same thing to him. He wondered if Lance had felt as anxious as he did right now.

“Right,” Lance grinned at him. “You wanna come in?”

“That would be nice,” Keith nodded.

They sat on the edge of the bed. Lance seemed to be waiting for Keith to start talking. That was fair, Keith was the one who’d hovered outside his room wondering how to come in. Keith was the one who needed them to talk. That didn’t mean he knew how to.

“I’m sorry,” he stated because that seemed like a good place to start.

“For what?” Lance raised an eyebrow.

“Everything,” Keith meant this. “Leaving, mainly. Not talking to you alone before I did.”

“It’s okay,” Lance had a sad look in his eyes. “I get that you had to.”

“No, I didn’t,” Keith said out loud for the first time. “I wanted to because if I didn’t I thought you’d be the one to leave.”

“What?” Lance just looked at him.

“You told me that you’d step down if you had to,” Keith remembered the conversation. “I didn’t want it to come to that.”

“You’re an idiot,” Lance informed him. “You’re such an idiot.”

“You’re welcome,” he muttered.

“I didn’t tell you that because I wanted you to fix my problem,” Lance sounded frustrated now.

“I know,” Keith told him. “I was the one who wanted me to fix it. I didn’t want you to have to feel like that.”

“Well, you being gone didn’t exactly make it go away,” Lance sighed.

“I don’t regret going,” Keith needed to say. “I regret that we didn’t talk about it.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” Lance said softly.

“Don’t be,” Keith replied. “I’m kinda glad you did.”

“You shouldn’t be,” Lance huffed. “I was frustrated, and hurt. I know I shouldn’t have said most of it.”

“But you meant it,” Keith knew this.

“Yeah,” Lance nodded.

“Can we be okay?” Keith asked. “I understand if the answer is no. I really do, I just miss you a lot. I know that things aren’t the same as they used to be. I’m not saying I think they can go back to that, but I just—”

“Keith.” There was something else behind Lance’s eyes now. “We were okay since you came back in that Altean pod.”

“Oh,” Keith uttered.

Lance smiled now. Keith loved seeing him smile like that.

“So,” Lance nudged Keith’s shoulder with his own. “What else is bugging you?”

“What?” Keith blinked at him.

“You still look like you’re about to jump out of your skin,” Lance informed him. “Come on, give me some credit. I’ve known you long enough to read you.”

Keith hadn’t really thought about that. He knew Lance well, but he’d never really stopped to consider how much Lance knew him. He could tell something else was wrong. He could always tell when something was wrong.

“Why were you coming out of your room just now?” He asked suddenly. Lance had looked surprised when he found him standing there, but he’d still stopped whatever he was doing so they could talk.

“Oh, uh,” Lance rubbed the back of his neck. “I was actually gonna go find you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Why?” Keith had to ask.

“Because I wanted to annoy you,” Lance said matter-of-factly. “Obviously.”

“Right,” Keith rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know,” Lance admitted. “Your mom said something about how we needed to talk. Turns out she was right.”

“She’s right about a lot of things.” Keith meant this.

“I’m happy for you,” Lance’s tone dipped into serious again. “That you found her, I mean. You deserve that.”

“Thanks,” Keith smiled at him. “So, do I get to meet your family when we get back to Earth?”

“Oh, trust me, you don’t want to,” Lance laughed.

“No, I do,” Keith insisted.

“They’re going to avalanche you with like a million questions,” Lance informed him.

“I think I can handle that,” Keith grinned at him.

“That’s what they all say,” Lance stated flatly.

“All?” Keith raised an eyebrow. “How many half aliens do your bring home, Lance?”

“I guess you’d be the first in that department,” Lance shook his head.

“You miss them, yeah?” Keith hummed.

“I do,” Lance told him. “A lot.”

“My mom told me to talk to you too,” Keith confessed. “I mean, I still would have if she hadn’t—”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Lance scoffed. “You suck at confrontation, Keith. Unless it’s yelling.”

“Shut up,” Keith sputtered.

“It’s true,” Lance crossed his arms.

“She also told me something else.” Keith was going to say it. He was going to say it before he chickened out again.

“That you have secret Galra powers you haven’t tapped into yet?” Lance didn’t miss a beat.

“What?” Keith shook his head. “No.”

“Come on, that would be so cool,” Lance whined.

“You’re such a child,” Keith stated.

“I’m not!” Lance exclaimed.

“I’m trying to be serious here,” Keith added.

“You’re always trying to be serious.” Lance shrugged, but his expression softened. “Okay, what did she tell you?”

“That when we’re at war, or in the middle of danger, we should still be allowed to feel things.” Keith knew she was right. He knew that it went against everything he’d told himself for a long time, but she was still right.

“Okay?” Lance shot him a questioning look.

“Even if it means that we might not get to forever,” Keith continued.

“I’m not following,” Lance stated.

“I, um,” Keith wanted to slap himself. He hated sounding this awkward. He hated that he was this awkward. “God, why is this so hard to say?”

“You’re turning red,” Lance pointed out.

“I know,” Keith hurried his head in his hands.

“It’s kinda adorable,” Lance let him know.

“Shut up,” he groaned.

“Come on,” Lance put a hand on his shoulder, making him lift his gaze. “What are you trying to say? I promise I won’t laugh or anything.”

Keith was going to say it. He was going to open his mouth and take the step that scared him more than the possibility of dying. He was going to trust that his mother was right, and that this wasn’t going to be a mistake.

“I like you.”

And then the words were out. And then he heard them, he watched Lance hear them. And then he could feel himself caving in.

“I know, that’s kinda coming out of nowhere,” he babbled. This wasn’t a back pedal, it was too late for that, but he couldn’t just leave that hanging in the air. “It isn’t for me, I promise, but I could have done a better job at hinting I guess. I mean I never meant to tell you, but—I don’t know. I spent two years away from everything and that kinda made me realize that these feelings are real. I’m sorry if I just made things awkward, I didn’t—”

Keith didn’t register Lance’s hand on his face until their lips were pressed together. He didn’t realize what was going on until Lance was pulling him close. It wasn’t the practiced motion that he thought someone like Lance would have. It was sloppy and confusing and everything Keith had hoped it would be.

“Sorry was that too much?” Lance asked as he drew back.

“No,” Keith uttered. “I—”

“You’re still red,” Lance giggled.

“Does that mean—”

“Yeah,” Lance answered before Keith could even find the words to form the question. “Since that day you made sure I actually went to sleep. Or maybe since school, I don’t know. It’s kinda blurry.”

“And all the girls you flirt with?” Keith questioned.

“You didn’t actually take that seriously?” Lance laughed.

“Yeah,” Keith said sheepishly. He hadn’t thought he’d had a chance.

“I just like to joke around,” Lance looked the slightest bit embarrassed now.

“You’re impossible,” Keith exhaled.

“Yeah, I know.” And then Lance kissed him again.

They were laying on Lance’s bed. They weren’t quite asleep yet. Lance’s head was going to cut off the circulation in Keith’s arm, and he really didn’t care. It felt good to be like this. They were breathing the same air, tangled together lazily. They’d slept shoulder to shoulder so many times before, but it had never been like this. They had never been this close. Keith had never been able to hold Lance in his arms.

“Keith?” Lance’s voice was and tried and beautiful.

“Yeah?” Keith hummed back.

“Does this mean that you’re gonna stay?” He asked. “For me?”

“Yeah,” Keith answered. “I will.”

He was going to stay like this for as long as he could.

#klance #klance fanfiction #klance fic #klance fanfic #voltron #voltron season 6 #keith kogane #krolia #lance mcclain #voltron fic #fic #fanfic #writing commissions #fic commission

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thomas60barnett-blog · 6 years

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Guedin Fan Game

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shortandchatty · 6 years

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Hello!

Hello! I thought it was probably about time I made a post on here.

SO THERES A FEW THINGS IM GONNA TALK ABOUT!

1) What on earth this blog is gonna be for

2) A lil update on things I’ve been up to/why i haven’t posted since making this account

3) Stuff thats gonna be coming

4) Other that doesn’t really fall into anything, its like that random box of stuff you have in your house and don’t really know what to do with it because the stuff doesn’t have a home but also you cant throw it away!

1) I’ve been wanting to set up a proper blog for quite some time now but i don’t really know where to start with it or what to do, so I thought I’d test the waters a bit on tumblr and sort of find me feet with it all. So essentially this is kinda gonna be a place for me to talk about what I’ve been up to and the progress/updates of me setting up my production company. I’m also going to be posting links to stuff i’ve created and posts about films and other media stuff I like and just kinda wanna put some words down about or have a chat!

2) I’ve been a little bit quiet and haven’t really given this blog much time for a number of reasons. Two of the biggest reasons being finishing my degree and spending 9 months producing a lil series called clever stuff. (You can find clever stuff on shortandchatty productions on youtube!). I’m someone who doesn’t really know when to stop and just generally like being busy doing the filming, photography, and media stuff I do, so i tend to end up with a lot of projects at once! I’ve been working on a music video for the wonderful Izzii Grace (you can find her facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/IzziiGraceMusic/ shes also on spotify and instagram and all the other usual stuff)

As well as this I started a shiny new grad job before even graduating uni which has been pretty sweet! So I have a job as a videographer along side me setting up my own production company, oh look at that I actually managed to do a nice tidy move into another topic!

SO from doing lots of bits of work here and there I kinda decided I wanted to start my own production company that could work as a sort of home for any freelance commissions (I will be opening for commissions 1st August 2018 you can go to https://www.facebook.com/shortandchattyproductions/ for all stuff to do with that if ya interested!) I’m going to be doing a proper post about that but I’ll give you a quick update here!

The idea of shortandchatty productions is going to sorta be a home for my freelance work for the first year while I build myself up. In about a years time ish, I’m hoping for shortandchatty to have a proper office and sort of “home” (It’s going to be a very full on year working an extra job to fund basically saving for said office) then once its up in full swing I would love to get other creative people with different skills involved! (If you do want to get involved in any up and coming projects get in touch via my facebook page and we can talk about it! Editors and graphic/motion graphics people especially!!) My general attitude toward this stuff is that its fun and to me, it’s never felt like a job which is how your career should be in my opinion, if you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life!) I did work placement at a really cool place in cardiff called storm&shelter and absolutely adored their work ethic and general vibe and thats what i want to head toward, having more places like that!

Speaking of doing things you love, I’ve also just got back from helping contribute to the instagram and twitter pages for 2000 trees music festivals, again another job that doesn’t feel like a job! Working at trees is always a highlight of my year and something I do not take for granted in the slightest. I feel so grateful to be able to spend a few days in a field watching great bands and just being in a great atmosphere, while getting to capture it all. 2000 trees is a festival like no other to be honest and one i cant recommend enough! So if you fancy checking out those posts that would be ace!

3) So I have a few blogs I’m going to be posting are going to include

- A couple of filmy review type blogs (These are gonna include: I, Tonya, isle of dogs, lady bird, thor ragnarok, infinity war, and oceans 8, yes a few of those came out a while ago but i have stuff to say!)

- A post about 2000 trees 2018

- A full post about shortandchatty productions

- A little post about my experience at uni

- Stuff about Clever stuff and what went into it, how i feel about it, and future plans (sneak preview, there is going to be a second series!)

- Probably a bit of a deep and emotional hard hitting post about stuff like mental health, being chronically ill and just how its not a good idea being stubborn pushing through when you know you probably need a break. (Spoiler, doing this put me in hospital twice while getting through uni and producing my series because I just wanted to get stuff done and not feel like my illness was stopping me and that I didn’t have to take it a bit easier than anyone else)

4) The odds and sods:

Uni was super busy and stressful, but i survived it!

I still don’t know how to use tumblr despite part of my job being working in social media

This is probably way too long an update post!

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extradan · 6 years

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Hey I like your art a ton and I was wondering just how long you have been drawing and working to improve as an artist.

Oh my gosh haha thank you so much for liking my art!

I have been drawing for the longest time, I think ever since kindergarten, well at least the artistic dedication!

I used to draw my when i was in middle school, starting from fourth grade i have been drawing more and more frequently until fifth grade in which I was drawing on a daily base, back then I would also be sitting and making animations on flash, which unfortunately I dont have backups of

but from middle school, up to high school 2012, my art never improved, it was just all the same all the time, I was back then on ritalin and I decided to start my first pony blog, while updating my blog, I couldnt consider yet Tumblr being part of the effective social websites that I go on as nobody was following me and I had no one to intreact with back, tumblr would be the thing i would check once every few days, it was nothing to me but a mere another google plus, until i was sponsored by catfood-mcfly back when he was running the Herpy Derpy blog, and thats where I got recognized and I was determined to continue my activity on tumblr as an ask blog, and I have gotten to become more interactive with people, being inspired by the many of the art I have been seeing from following other people, I would adopt and experiment with what I saw mostly shines through their art, and 2012 was the year I have made the biggest change in my art throughout the months, whitin 6-8 months I have improved by a ton! tumblr was a very resourceful to the evolution of my art! and I also made so many friends and I have as well learned to become a better person! I am a better person of who I used to be in the past, and i am still improving! there are still a lot of things I need to work about myself as a person!

Also stepping out of drawing in flash and starting doing my stuff in sai was revolutionary to my art, flash back then wasnt recognized fully as an animators program by macromedia and neither by adobe, as they saw it an all purpose program for making goptimized ames and ads, only until all browsers and webpages grew out of flash and flash officially was blocked by all browsers since you could have implanted malicious codes into flash files, only then flash recognized as an art and animation tool for creators.

So moving to sai allowed me to build sketches and bodies easily and paint and yadda yadda and it was all great and helped boosting my art upwards

Flash limited my improvement as I wasnt drawing sketches on flash since you couldnt just lower the opacity of the layer you drew the sketch on, you would have to go through several actions to achieve that, but you would be lowering the opacity of your selected drawing and not the layer, I couldnt also paint on flash and flash ever since the stone age had those horrible vector tools that SUCKED DICK unless you do stretching and smoothing and fixing, in my opinion at least, they did improve the vector system a bit BUT IT STILL SUCKS, i prefer bitmap brushes more, which why I prefer Toon Boom harmony as a program for animators.

If you have been back in the days, you could have watched me go through a several phases! like drawing like atryl, raikissu’s shading and coloring styles, florecentmoo’s shading techniques and eye pupil style, and I uhh.. dont remember the rest, but theres have been a lot of artists out there whom I adopted artistic traits like:

theflyingtacoz, kittentoots(drunk fluttershy), w300, Santi, belaboy, dr idiot, inzergue (big impact on my current style), David (the guy who now works on mighty magiswords along with kyle), fungasm, colorlesscupcake (known as caek now), ahappypichu (a pretty powerful current impact on how i paint my art today), uhh, also “pinkie in private” which, to this day, drawing the way the draw the cheek for their characters, and some other artists I that I couldnt come up in my mind but I did adapt a trait or two from.

My current big inspirations are artists who work on OK KO and as fake as it might sound, my own fiance! yes!! they have been an inspiration for me for quite a while even back at 2012, but to how I viewed it, I never really dared to adopt anything from them because I was so out of their league, and my art was still shaping and i already had ideas that I wouldnt think would work if i mixed some of their’s, but now that my art have been developed and has a solid state of how it looks, they inspire me so much!!

Drawing ponies was probably the best practice I have ever had that thanks to that I have pushed so far in the art that I do, ponies are so simplified!! and easy to draw! it allowed me to produce more and that means that it allowed me to experience differently with each time!

It helped me improve with a lot of stuff like gesture, facial and painting and other other minor stuff! drawing ponies was such a booster seat for me!

But unfortunately, from drawing ponies alot you wont learn how to draw humans, which understanding muscle, action line, figure and bones is so crucial for drawing, anything really! understanding how the body works is extremely fundamental and its there for you to know how to manipulate the drawings your making, of any specie, its not there to just teach you how to draw the anatomy of the human body, that will only serve as a plus.

I have learned a lot from ponies but how bodies work and draw clothes lmafo, to this day I cant draw clothes for days

in 2014 I ordered a really good book and I have polished my anatomy and human drawing skills, I yet dont know some stuff because i stopped practicing because of varios reason like relationship, access and physical health.

In the begging of the year I acquired a cintiq and it been nothing but dreadful to me, but im using it because i spent.. so much money on it.. and i have been so concerned about bringing it to my home country as well.. but it has the adventage of a screen so...

its just, I dont have a low enough desktop or high enough chair to draw on it, its always above my shoulder no matter the angle and it puts so much weight on my shoulders, the thing is heavy too so its not something you could lean on your legs while you draw, neither it is portable, it made work much more harder and difficult and I wasnt drawing as frequesnt because my time wasnt so so enjoyable, my 2015 as well become a dreadful year to me and I was feeling guilty and shitty everyday, and it was my fault because it was all my doing and i let myself feel that way, and I had barely the stamina to work on my art ever over the year, I also lost my passion and motivation to draw and basically it dragged also to 2016, I drew a few commissions but I didnt produce much art neither, then I flew over the united states and I didnt have acess to drawing for 4 months as i was away from my equipment, my fiance had the equipment, but that means that I would have to use their computer for all the dedicated hours I use to work on my art and they would have nothing but a mere phone to entertain themselves, also our time togehter was really precious and every minute counted, so we rathered having fun other than doing work work work

2017 came and I still had the sense of drawing lost in me, I would draw whenever i would have a piece of paper available to me since I find fun in that, since im comfortable and cozy and i dont have to concentrate the entirety of my body weight on my hand and arm as i draw, but I would never draw on the cintiq unless its a miracle or if had a crazy comic idea in mind that i had and MUST HAD executed, i almost didnt draw anything in 2017, and neither in this year but the ok ko drawing i have recently created, but I found a new comfortable focus and its doing 3d, I am using my mouse to do everything and i dont have to feel my horrible chair scraping againt my butt like sandpaper, and I dont to feel like my shoulders are about to give up, I did try Tam’s 13hd and it was so much more comfortable and nice to draw on as i could put it on the bed or on my legs, but I cant afford another expensive piece of equipment, especially not in this generation of technology, wacom fucking sucks but no other brand is willing to be their competitive because tablet is not the purchase the average person would make.

Another reason why I have been so held on drawing and using the cintiq, which was probably the most major thing was it’s total, hot flaming shitty garbage diarrhea poopy stank abysmal horrible disgusting nasty dumbass smelly drivers which made every chance i had to draw a miss because i would battle myself from 30 minutes to over a hour fixing my tablet to draw a single thing, and its been like that every time i would turn my cintiq on! the situation was severe and everytime i would find a solution, it would be later suppressed, it was so harsh that i had a few months in which nothing I would do would make the drivers function, i was basically tabletless, so many, and a lot of opportunities for me to create a piece of drawing was flushed in the toilet with the rest, and so it was a deeper burden on my passion, determination and motivation to draw.

But yeah, now im doing 3d and it feels like a fresh hobby to me since I felt that im not going anywhere in and with my art (even though I yet have to learn how to draw bodies better, let alone drawing limbs, feet and CLOTHES!!)

and now the future has yet to be revealed!

#kawaii-corvid

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conordakidd · 5 years

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BCT

I’m en route to Fort Benning and I guess it’s a good time to write down everything that happened at Basic Combat Training (BCT). On my first attempt I tried writing everything that happened from the very first day of leaving and realized that a large percentage of it wasn’t interesting and it was taking too much time. So I guess I’ll just condense it and try to jot down the important stuff.

So after waiting , delays at the airport and more waiting I arrived at Fort Jackson and taken to Reception which is a certain place on the base for incoming recruits where we were assigned to dormitories and given our PT uniform and camelbacks. The first five days we woke up super early -around 0330/0400- and proceeded to get shots, uniforms and our first buzz cut. Most of the time we would march around in groups getting issued gear and then at certain parts of the day go to the DFAC for food. It wasn’t really that hot where we were and I was like hey, It’s not that bad. Finally we were done with Reception and boarded a bus with all our issued stuff in a laundry bag that we carried onto the bus and our duffel that was stowed onto another truck. A drill sergeant was on the bus, started screaming at us to put our head into our laundry bag when we sat down and to shut up. You are thinking a million thoughts with the first one being, what is going on? All of a sudden you pull up,the drill sergeant starts screaming at you to get off with your bag and you run down this long street with everybody in your face yelling at you and it is complete pandemonium as everybody is trying to get down the street. The drill sergeants were completely on you foreverything you did wrong. And it was like the entire Red phase where they were on top of you and all sorts of rules were enforced. It definitely sucked in the sense that you got treated like a dumbass 18 year old -which there were plenty of- and had to dumb stuff like run to a place right after lunch and get a pinecone and bring it back. We dove into things pretty quick, probably one of the first few days at basic we picked up the remaining gear we needed and couldn’t bring from reception such as IOTV (bulletproof vest) MOPP gear (chemical top and bottom) rucksack and got issued a gas mask that we would have to carry on us for FTX (Field Training Exercises ( {Anvil,Hammer, Forge} ) and daily training. In our company, which I was in Charlie 3-60th, we split into four platoons in alphabetical order and I wound up in 3rd platoon with “R”. We originally had 3 Drill Sergeants assigned to the daily management of our platoon, SDS Connelango, DS Deck and DS Allen. Connelango was a Ranger who was making his way up the NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer) pipeline and would leave less than halfway to take a First Sergeant position, Deck was a Sergeant First Class and was originally was Infantry/Ranger and DS Allen, well to be honest I don’t know much about her since she changed platoons in about the first week but she seemed nice. Our platoon was about 50/50 guys and girls, the majority 18-22 who were doing National Guard or trying to do this as a 20 year career. It definitely was a different dynamic having a lot of girls because it definitely changes the mindset or thought process of why you are going into the military. I never expected to meet someone in the service, and still dont, which delayed me from committing 3.5 years to the military. But it definitely changes things as it goes to being “this is your job.focus.” To social hour mindset which people noticeably followed victim to.

Week 1

First week was a rough introduction to basic. The first three days consisted of endless correction training aka getting “smoked” where you did all these exercises in a row that at times went on for more than an hour. PT which was something different all together, began at 0530 lasted about 1 hour depending on the activity, and would rotate between pull-up exercises on a bar to running on a track. You have to do all these cool exercises like the prone row where you had lie prone on your bellyand push your hands back before the main event exercises of pull-ups or running. If it was a running day good lord. That meant you were doing the stretches on a black track with topographical features. Others would call it a parking lot with rubble and a major depression in it blocked off, but #perspective .

We didn’t take a shower the first night we were there which definitely made me worried and very sweaty, but we eventually got to shower and privileges to the laundry machine which made an interesting time when all we had was sweaty gear. I didn’t think it was fun, maybe other people did I didnt. we got our gear and got tutorials on how to install it and put it all together. I’m terrible with small basic technical stuff like putting together an army bed so it definitely was a struggle and a lot of peer review from the people next to me. We got our gear set and it was ready to go.

Week 2

The second week we pretty much dove into things, which I guess is to be expected with a program that has only 9/10 weeks in it. First we went to the Gas Chamber which was a about 2 miles from barracks with a ruck and some weight on our back. We learned some fundamentals about a chemical attack and what not to do and then went into a gas chamber that had CS gas on the room with our gas mask. Mine really didn’t seal all the way or was too large because the moment I stepped in starting messing with my eyes just a little but there wasn’t really anything I could do about it. We did some exercises once we got into the chamber including wallsits and foot fires where you jumped up and down just trying to get some cardio going. We ended up taking off our mask for a couple seconds and immediately you could barely breath, the gas filling up your lungs and making your eyes tear. You had to wait in line to get out and it took a couple minutes outside with fresh air for everything to get back to normal. Everybody was like o yeah that was so easy but I personally thought it was challenging.

Next that weekend was Victory Tower which was this giant fortress looking contraption that had all these ropes and walls that you shimmied up and down in various manners and eventually did one of those rappel type things down a wooden wall. All of it was doable and everybody had to do as a graduation requirement, it was the waiting, anticipation and waiting in line that made it anxiety inducing. You would laugh and be like really if you saw the Tower but it becomes bigger and harder from below the longer you wait and then you realize it wasn’t that bad or bad at all it was the buildup or thinking that made it that much worse.

The last thing we did worth mentioning that week was Fit to Win, which was an obstacle course. It wasn’t that far from battalion so we had to walk there with our rucksacks and it looked like it was about to rain and to me, rain=cool so I was hoping and praying that it was going to rain and it would be somewhat of an interesting walk. Let me tell you this. When it looks like it’s going to rain in South Carolina it’s not. I take that back but there’s a 90% chance that the sun is going to break through and it’s going to be fucking hot. That’s exactly what happened that day where we covered our rucksacks with the tarp we brought and then maybe 30 minutes after we put it down the sun started to come through and try to murder us with intensive UV rays for the entire day. The obstacle course wasn’t bad it had kind of what you would expect to a elementary school to have. Monkey bars where I popped something in my shoulder, a waking balance beam, a cargo net and some other little obstacles that made it vaguely interesting to go through. And again, it was hot.

Week 3

It was either week 3 or week 4 things started to get a little more psychologically challenging. It really wasn’t the activities that started to get to me but the heat and being stuck with a group of people talking in formation about things that either you didn’t care for or didn’t want to talk about and realizing that there was a nice chunk of time at basic. Someone actually made a countdown timer in SECONDS of when graduation was gonna happen. Things like I just didn’t want to hear. But it was finally time to embark on our first Field Training Exercise (FTX) “The Hammer”. Basically we would march 5 miles with a rucksack & M4 to a campsite, dig what would amount to a liveable hole in the ground, and basically practiced simulations of drills we would later conduct. We were in a shaded area most of the time so it really wasn’t that bad. At night, everybody else’s drill sergeants would fuck with them by making them amounted to stop drop and roll type drills😬. Our platoon was let’s just say in flux as our Senior Drill Sergeant got promoted, DS Deck and DS Allen were on “training leave” for a week and a half and DS Shimer who would eventually be our DS had all of 1 day underneath his belt. So all night long we just chilled, some of us with the anticipation of getting fucked with. We didn’t and probably should of just went to bed. When you went to get water in the middle of the night all you heard in the distance was all the stop/drop commands and you were like ooooh. In the real early part of the morning they got us up and smoked us all. I was the back dogging it because I was hungry and I was like can we stop this dumb shit and all of sudden the DS comes starts yelling behind me so I’m like ooh maybe I should start planking for real but apparently she was going after this girl who was like crumpling next me and I was just like ooh the sight and sounds of basic.

Additionally, we started to go to the ranges with our M4 and started to zero our weapons “on ironsights”. Zeroing is the process of aligning your weapon to shoot straight and “on ironsights” is the method of optics your going to aim. Theres a straight tip at the end of your weapon that you used and try to get a straight shot. There’s a lot of corrections and feedback that comes through the whole process and it’s a long day of just shooting and trying to get a weapon that you know is aiming straight on qualification day. It was a super frustrating process there was a limited of time and instruction and you were just thrown in the fire. At the range it was definitely anxiety inducting that I wasn’t gonna get it. But what bothered most was not really having a way to fix it. Because we were a big class, the majority of us didn’t get individualized attention and it wasn’t like we could go on YouTube or call a pro in to help ourselves. In a lot of ways, we were at the mercy at our level of preparation coming in or just good luck.

Week 4

Week 4 picked up pretty much where it ended, trying to zero+group for our M4. This week tho we spent one day at LOMA Range which had actual targets 300 meters away instead of the shooting at pieces of papers that had a super small target in the middle and was proportional sized to represent 300 meters. While I had my hopes up that I would finally zero as this was allegedly easier, I was still super worried that it wasn’t gonna happen. I didn’t know or remember all of the techniques they were talking about and it wasn’t like I was really being helped. O well. On my first attempt it was still a mess and didn’t zero. It was a good range though in terms of shade and temperature and I was trying to pry tips from drill sergeants, so things were working in my favor and I was trying to make it happen. The problem though was that every round of shooting was followed by a 2-3 hour break as other people went to shoot. It was insanely frustrating and not a good feeling. The waiting and sucking wasn’t a good combination. Finally, on the second round I finally zeroed. The coach I had gave me some useful corrections and I somehow managed to get it together. It was a relief because this would be the hardest section of shooting and to get it off my shoulders was big. The second thing we did that of importance was prequalify on ironsights were we went to a range where little signs popped up and we shot them from three different positions. The prone supported, where we lied on our stomach and had the weapon resting on sandbags for 20 shots, the prone unsupported where we lied on our stomach and shot with a sandbag on the magazine for 10 shots and the kneeling where we took a knee and shot for 10. The whole idea behind prequalify was to determine the position you would go during qualifying, even though it didn’t really matter as everybody was going to go, just the people most likely to qualify first would get it out of the way. I didn’t do as bad as I thought I was going to but still didnt qualify. I even had to suffer through a smoke session a very hot one I might add where we had to point, squat down with the weapon still pointing straight and then get in the prone over and over again but I wasn’t worried as I was before. I had a little more breathing room and had a lot of time to qualify.

Week 5

This was the week of qualifying and the anxiety -whether real or imagined- was back. Qualifying would entail going to a range and having to hit targets at different distances 300,250,200,150,100 and 50 and would pop up at different times, sometimes two at a times. Same deal as pre-qual, but this time it counted in order to check the graduation requirement list of qualifying on a M4. It was a long day and to make a long boring story it played out pretty much like the zeroing process went. Didn’t make it-anxiety-waiting-anxiety-last go around make it. It was a good feeling and while the range broke down on the last time I went, and I probably got passed through on a technical error, it still felt good to get it done. After that, we attached a giant scope on top of the M4 called a CCO and began to zero on that later in the week. A CCO is different than ironsights in the sense that it aimed with a red dot in middle and the whole purpose of zeroing was to make sure that that red dot was aligned correctly. Even for me this was not a problem as all you had to do was point the red dot straight and you would hit the target. Instead of being stressed out about making it through, my partner discussed Lamar Jackson and how he was doing in the NFL. It felt good to finally to have non stress day.

Week 6

Week 6 was were it started picking up as we well past being halfway done and there stuff in our immediate future that I didn’t want to do. First there was prequalification and qualification on CCO’s which I’m not going to bore anybody with and “The Anvil” which to me was the hardest thing we did as a platoon. It was three days and two nights and it’s was basically a longer version of “the hammer” but this time our Drill Sergeants straight up smoked us at the most random times of the night and had us doing high crawls and low crawls (look it up, it sucks) on both Asphalt and sand. The MRE’s that I was getting to eat were not filling me up and I was operating on straight will, as I was soo hungry. We had to do land navigation the last full day of the FTX and I was in straight zombie-mail it in mode as I was hungry and in no mood or condition to be a explorer at that very moment. Where there is a will there is way. And actually, on our way to land navigation this young looking guy in a drill sergeants uniform starts yelling at us as we (perhaps just me) are trekking on water and maybe an energy bar and we are like who is this guy. It turns out it’s our new Drill Sergeant Vork whose taglinw through basic who would be “ Cheese + Rice” whenever somebody did something ridiculous. Interesting guy. But I got through it and somehow made it back to the CTA in one piece. Uncomfortable but I did it.

Things got really fun but at the same time really hot. It was early October but the sun was still beaming. The week before we got a preview for our FTX that it was going to be 98 at The ANvil and while It wasn’t that hot for it, Week 7 was definitely hotter so it was inthe 90’s at the very least. We had two events on the calendar for the week as usual being Buddy Team Live Fire and Omaha, both of which turned out to be really fun and totally worth sitting in the heat (at times) for. Buddy Team Live Fire was essentially a quick 2v2 paintball in your neighbors backyard with 🌲 ‘s, some barrels, a mini Bunker with rocks and we were shooting with specialized ammo that exploded upon impact and generally left a black and blue . Offense would start out on patrol and take fire from an dug defense team and the whole point was to practice the cover/fire drills we did on the FTX, just now simulated with actual fire. It didn’t go as smoothly when I went on offense as one of the people on defense failed to retreat so my partner basically surrounded her and then we opened fire and then when we were on defense my opponent’s cover was this skinny tree with no branches and I was behind this giant cement wall just waiting and let’s just say I won that battle as well 🤣.

Omaha was basically the structured version of Buddy Team as you were practicing covering and moving but this time there moving targets instead of people, your were using real ammo and had to follow a strict protocol of movement while lying in the prone being behind small wooden walls. Basically you covered your partner by returning fire, he moved up and then started firing, and then at that point you got up and moved to the next stage. There was some stuff to remember as you always had to have your weapon on safe as you ran and there were proper routes and positions to take, but for the most part it was pretty simple. At the very end you got to throw a grenade and then duck and take cover. It was pretty fun and glad to complete a graduation requirement without a hitch or stress.

Week 8

Week 8 was the week of the big Kahuna, the granddaddy of em all, the Mountain 🏔 of Mountains, “The Forge”. I’m not completely positive of what the Forge was intended to be other than a culminating event which I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ what that even means but it was the last graduation requirement and probably viewed as the hardest. We were going to do our night programs/exercises at night and sleep for part of the day which ended up making a lot of sense because of the level of conditioning/exercise involved. We left the first day at around mmm I want to say 330 in the morning and did a 10 mile rucks with breaks in then middle to campsite where made our Hastings, ate breakfast and I took a little nap to get some rest. We did some FTX’s which were awful as they were FTX’s and I really wasn’t interested in doing them. After that, we got ready for the Night Interval Course (NIC) where we were going to low crawl underneath barbed wire with a machine gun firing above us. While it turned out not to be that bad, as I just low crawled the entire way it had gotten a lot of hype and seemed to be really tough. We had heard the M240B going off during the Hammer 🔨 and that thing was loud. So after a really quick walk we get there and have to wait for a decent while, and then finally we start moving. We walk along this fence for a while where we end up at the entrance of an obstacle course which we ended up going through in the darkness of night. It finally came to an end after just lowing through a tonnage of sand and you come out to this area after running through dark foliage and there’s all these IOTV vests laid out and second platoon who had finished the course just before us. We put on the vests, line up and are lead to this trench where we line up and there’s no official start to NIC, people just start climbing the wall after they hear machine gun fire. After climbing the wall and low crawling 💯 meters in which I see nothing but sand and barbed wire, I emerge from the pit. It’s a crazy metabolic workout as you go 100 meters under barbed wire as fast as you can with a 20lb weight vest and all your tactical gear. While everybody wants the first night to be over, it’s not. We have to team carry a 175lb (it said it was that heavy, it wasn’t but it still was heavy) two boxes and water jugs 2 miles to our next campsite. It was a struggle to say the least. But we finally get there and we just go to 🛌. Over the next two days it followed that same routine of doing FTX in the mid dayish and then doing our traveling with our boxes. We did combatives, pugle stick fighting, relay races and other stuff during the night which finally culminated in a soldier ceremony where we got our berets and removed this blue patch on our left ocp top with the “US ARMY” patch showing that barring us doing something really dumb between then and graduation 👩‍🎓 we were going to be soldiers.

Week 9&10

After the Forge, there was a massive drop in activity and intensity. There wasn’t really more for us to do or requirements to get so we ended up doing a whole lot of nothing. We unceremoniously handed in our M4’s (not like I expected a little bugle boy to accompany us when we did but still) and 6.49 lbs of weight that had to accompany us practically everywhere was gone. The day before graduation, one of the DS makes us all grab sand bags and start doing workouts and running back and forth to the cattle gate with it in our ha. Tough.At the very end of my time at basic, my parents showed up for Family Day and Graduation and it was nice to see them. We went out to dinner, among other things and begrudgingly had to go to in my ASU uniform, which was my nice dress gear that made use wear for graduation. On the last day we spent the entire day and I mean the entire day packing and cleaning and then got rounded up on to coach buses headed to all our perspective places.

I don’t have a romantic view of BCT because the whole experience was butt, BUT you felt like you did something to earn that US Patch. Funny way to put it because I was constantly being accused of not doing anything by 18 year girls. (Untrue)

By the time I finished this, I am no longer en route to Fort Benning but rather in my second week at Fort Benning waiting to “class up” trying to get into a class. So many people, not enough slots. Gotta work on my pushups. And sit-ups. Working on land navigation and trying not to completely get lost when the time comes. also excuse the run on sentences, and punctuation etc. written on iPhone notes while on the go. Let’s gooo

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