#i wouldn't be able to sleep

[bloomingonionbitch]

(manifesting getting this writing/editing gig that's split between remote and D.C.)

[mamulgogi]

[ohitslen]

Happy birthday TRIGUN STAMPEDE!! 🎉

[saragapen]

Scorpions from the past

[sbkmsk]

I JUST REALISED HOW TERRIFYING LEGEND OF THE "HUMANOID TYPHOON" SOUNDS TO ORDINARY PERSON ON NO-MANS-LAND. imagine JUST IMAGINE thay you live your average life in the sands fighting for your life with a god and bandits probably but you know there's one man on this planet that knows all of your sins and will find you someday. not only you, but all the people you knew and will ever know. he will kill you. and if he doesn't kill you, you'll want to die yourself. This man is literally an apocalipsys with a human face, and you know too well, he's somewhere near by. no one can describe him accurately enough, so you may have been talking to your death a couple of hours ago. you don't know.

no wonder why wolfwood was terrified of him (he knew way more than average people and it was EVEN WORSE)

[angry-roomba-army]

why does he look like such a fucking creature here. looks like he came straight out of a top ten scariest photos taken video slideshow with thefatrat playing in the background

[navstuffs]

carlos oliveira decides to surprise you when you can't be home for valentine's day(gnflightattendat!reader, FLUFF)

when you told your boyfriend carlos about your schedule on valentine's day, you watched his shoulder fall down in disappointment, although he tried to keep a smile. you had flights planned for the whole day, from seven am to nine pm.

you apologized a million times that day, promising you would make up to him on your next day off together - in three months. deep down, you thought about asking for the day off (which would be impossible), getting "sick," or firing yourself (seriously, the best option). carlos, watching your internal struggle, gently grabs your face to look at him.

"we will find a way. don't worry," how can carlos be so sweet to you when you just ruined your first valentine's day together?

so the day finally comes, and you receive a happy valentine's day text from him as you walk to your gate. you are so focused on texting him back you hit a man with familiar broad shoulders.

"i'm sorry, sir!"

your voice dies down in your throat. carlos is right in front of you, wearing comfortable gray sweatpants and a tight black shirt with an unzipped grey hoodie. he smiles at you, holding the straps of his backpack.

"carlos? what are you doing here?"

"what do you think? i am going on the flight with you."

you think it is a prank, laughing. during boarding time, you welcome the passengers in front of the plane when you see the famous dark curly hair going down to enter the plane because he is that tall. when carlos winks at you as he passes, your co-workers give you fast smiles.

you end up trading with a co-worker to stay in business class, so you can stay close to your boyfriend. carlos is alone in his seat, smirking at you when he sees you.

"i can't believe you did this!" you exclaim, surprised but happy. at least you had him for a couple of hours, before saying goodbye.

after the flight lands at the next destination, carlos waits on you by the gate. you are ready to say bye to him, when he remains on your side, naming your next destination. you look at him surprised, making him chuckle.

"i said i was going fly with you today, didn't i? the whole day."

you can't believe he did this, as carlos shows his multiple reservations on his phone. you want to kiss him so badly. during the day and numerous changes of airplanes, carlos gives you favorite snacks and chocolates, smiles and winks, small notes that say "i love you", and even rubs your hip when you are passing by him when he is sitting by the last row; you see him struggling so much during the three hours flight since he is so tall. he naps, and you have to hold your hand to not give him a head rub, or kiss him on his lips. just his presence makes you feel loved, and the work day not so hard.

by the end of the last flight, carlos is waiting for you by the gate exit. he looks exhausted, you can't even imagine how you look. you finally hug him, hiding your face into his body.

"thank you, thank you so much for this carlos!" you whisper, on the erge of tears. carlos chuckles (your favorite sound in the entire world), giving you a kiss on the cheek.

"if you aren't so tired, we can stop by the fancy airport restaurant and continue the celebration?"

you nod your head, happy.

part of my valentine’s day special 5/5 DONE!!! OMG I DID (before midnight where i live, please forgive me brasil). i am SO SO HAPPY! and seriously, this idea came to me on a whim (i had another idea for only f!reader for carlos, but since i am doing gn! for the challenge YAY). thank you so much for all the feedback! I DID IT!!

[fivewholeminutes]

so. wembley.

Once I have finally gathered my wits the words did not want to stop coming. This rambling is long; apologies for that. And for the messed up tenses I hate tenses we only have one past tense why is English like this

No photos/videos yet, they are still not properly checked/deleted/edited by me.

It was. Unsurprisingly. One of the best days of my life. But also, I don't remember much from my life, so don't trust me on this one. (Kidding, it totally WAS one of the best days of my life). And uhh... I have a problem with processing events and emotions, so it still feels like I have seen it on a TV screen instead of, you know, actually, physically having been there? Idk how to explain that, I still have to convince my brain that I've been there. I feel detached from it completely. But!! I!! Have!! Been!! There!!

I woke up so early that foxes were still roaming the streets. Didn't talk much with people around me in the queue (hello anxiety), but they were lovely! I signed the blue flag for iii from me & Lia, got the sticker for Projekt Atlantic, received some bracelets, exchanged some bracelets, put some sea creatures tattoos on people (LIA I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU THE WHALE!!!), slept on a pavement, bought merch for myself and others (I've never had anyone to buy concert merch for before, it's such a nice feeling 🥺).

And queueing for so long was so fucking worth it! Third row, baby!! For the first time in the middle!! (Which was my downfall later, but the pre-show me was not aware of that just yet). I couldn't actually hear HEALTH that well, but I really liked their drummer, he was enjoying himself and his joy was contagious. (I've checked them later though and. Last album, my beloved.) During the break, well, you all know what was happening, I have been liveblogging everything (sorry about that <3). The moment someone in the crowd literally screeched when they saw the new masks on instagram was a blessing, I wouldn't have survived seeing them in new masks without a warning. Also, my blind ass would probably realise 3 songs in that they have different masks, I shit you not. Besides, it was super fun having a mental breakdown here on tumblr with y'all <3

When Espera entered the stage, everything else stopped being of any importance to me. I remember my first thought was "oh yeah, sure, the ladies are dressed up and moving like this and you expect me to focus on anything else that is happening on this stage?". And of course, my second thought was "I GOTTA TAKE PICTURES FOR DARYA". Naturally, I was trying to keep up with everything else anyway. I haven't seen ii all too well though and it makes me sad :( Alas. I've had a good vantage point for the ladies. Yeah. Brain went brrrrr every time I was looking at them. Where was I again-

I was still coughing at that time. I got a terrible coughing fit after literally 3 short screams during HEALTH and my idiot ass has left all the lozenges except one in the hotel room an hour before the door opening. I thought I would have to spend the rest of the night not singing along nor screaming and felt utterly heartbroken for a few minutes, but after my Holy Grail Lozenge (and a LOT of water from the venue's crew) my cough has abandoned me for the duration of the whole ritual (thank you, Sleep). Even though, when Sam told us that we have to sing, my only thought was "I CAN'T FUCKING SING EITHER, MATE". But I did. Oh, I so fucking did. I sung my lungs out and did not cough even ONCE.

But you know. I was exhausted, anxious, surrounded by strangers and had more sugar in my veins than red cells at that point, so I wasn't my best self. I really thought the karaoke was for shits and giggles at first. "Oh yeah, it's The Most Popular Song, let's see how it sounds when 10k people sing it without the singer's help!", you know. Thought it was for the recording the announcements warned us about. But then we sung Granite. Ohhhkay. And then The Love You Want - certainly not a song they would leave for an impropmtu singalong. It was then that I (belatedly) realised that yeah, something really was wrong and so my heart broke again. So many preparations! Their biggest gig so far! Even iii managed to be there! And something had to happen!! Specifically!! To Vessel!! Of all people!! That was just not fair. He totally didn't deserve this. But it's just life and its endless fucking bad surprises for everyone, huh.

I didn't have enough time to collect all the broken pieces of my heart from the sticky floor and mend them after this realisation, because after Vessel joined the singing for the last few lines of TLYW, he dropped to his knees in front of us crying and thanking everyone. That sight is now carved into my brain. This is when I realised the 3rd row was a mistake. The psychic damage it gave me is irrevocable. Do you have those moments that you will never forget? A few seconds of an (usually traumatic) experience that will haunt you forever, replaying in your mind like a broken record? It was a bit like this for me. It wasn't traumatic, mind you, but it was definitely something that made a permanent dent in my heart and a home in my brain. And I wouldn't change it anyway.

Another thing that made me think that I will just fall down and never get up was iii & iv's hug. It was. So full of love and reassurence. Idk, you could just feel that emitting from them, okay? I was standing there thinking "yeah sure, just fucking murder me tonight instead, okay. Should've kept staring at Espera only-". Ah yes. The ladies. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where was I again-

The goosebumps when the whole venue yelled "they won't be missing you" during Nazareth, oh my fucking god. On my previous rituals, in way smaller venues, there's always been a handful of people screaming it. And everyone doing it? Unparalleled feeling. Bordering on the shrimp emotions scale.

The lights were spectacular. I cannot describe how amazing the light show was. I am sending a kiss to each and every light crew member.

Also, Vessel being more emotional during the ritual as a whole. The TLYW moment was the worst for me, but there were many others. (Ascensionism and Bloodsport stabbing me with a rusty knife the most.) I mean, who could've blamed him for the emotions, he would probably be very emotional even without the voice issues. Who wouldn't be!! It was a big night, after all. God, it must have been so difficult for him, I really, really fucking hope the love coming from his bandmates, crew and the crowd was enough to help him focus on the good parts of the evening only. And!! It wasn't even that bad!!! Sure, he lost his voice for a while, but once it was back you could!! Barely!! Hear!! The difference!! I have a whole new level of respect for Vessel because of that. And for staying onstage with us for the songs he couldn't sing. Didn't know I could respect him even more than I already did, but hey. Love being surprised like that. I have seen concerts where the singers were singing way worse live while being completely healthy. Like sure, you could notice he's not using so many uhh, how do you call this in English, vocal ornamentations??? and that his voice is strained, but it was still beautiful. Take care of your voice now though, dude, jfc. Thanks for the sacrifice, much appreciated, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU- (kidding, kidding. or am i.) I also liked that he was leaving the more screamy moments in songs for us. Aiming the microphone at us, positive we'll have his back. Like yeah, yeah, other bands do that relatively often, but it's not something they usually do, you know.

I can't vouch for everyone in the crowd, but I sure as fuck did not have a SINGLE thought that the show sucks because of his voice issues. Like it didn't even occur to me. Honest to god. I was shocked when I saw on tumblr that people were leaving? Asking for a refund????????????? I was having the time of my life singing those songs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably!! Who can say they karaoked whole 3 songs with the band playing for them live?? Your local karaoke bar could never. (Bonus points, you could hear Espera better bc of that! Yes, I know, you are not supposed to hear backing vocals too loud in general, I'm just saying it was nice hearing them, bc usually I hear them on recordings only.)

Yeah, sure I was disappointed after the show that there was no Euclid, but that's just me, a total whore for Euclid. It's a completely different thing than being a bitch who leaves halfway, because something out of the ordinary has been happening.

Anyways. I would like to wish all the crowdsurfers a very fuck you. Hope you will all step on a lego every day for the rest of your lives <3

Crowdsurfers and constant giving away of water (which I understand, it was terribly hot there and it was needed) were a bit distracting, I missed some things because of the commotion, the drum solo has been disrupted by me getting a (fortunately very light) kick in the mouth and DRUM SOLO IS SACRED. I HOPE THE CROWDSURFER WHO DECIDED TO GO UP IN THAT MOMENT WILL STEP ON 3 LEGOS DAILY. IT'S LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RITUAL FOR ME AND THEY HAVE RUINED IT. Thanks to another crowdsurfer, I missed the moment the band was throwing stuff into the crowd and I promised Lia I will catch a pick/drumstick for them!!!!!!! I've had a banner for this occassion and all!!!!! And!!!!! For the whole time things were flying from the scene!!!! I have been under someone's legs and ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Side note: Vessel was throwing away his rings. That's so fucking cool, ahh.

All in all, half of the things that happened there, I've learned from tumblr. The announcements about the recording, people leaving, Vessel being covered in runes (I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G. I HATE BEING A BLIND IDIOT), the Espera ladies laughing at iii for not coming to the photo, hell, even Vessel trying to get his attention. I have NO idea what I've been doing back then, it's a blur again lmao. And. The most important thing: Vessel's "thank you". I didn't catch it back then. I don't hear it on my recording. Tbh I couldn't believe y'all for a long while that it really happened (I'm sorry). But it did and you know what? I'm glad the broken pieces of my heart were left on the arena's floor earlier during the show. I don't want them anymore.

I would also like to thank that one security guy in huge headphones who was our warning that another fucking crowdsurfer was coming our way. I hope the headphones guy's pillow is always cold on both sides, his skin clear, his crops- and so on. Our hero <3

There was also a moment during Atlantic (another important moment disrupted. Smh) where 2 security persons dived into the crowd?? I still have no idea what was happening, bc if someone faints for example, they are always brught to the barricade by the crowd and security picks them up, I've never seen security getting into the crowd before. And because of that, people around me were talking loudly during Atlantic. Kill kill murder kill

Still, Projekt Atlantic was a huge success and I am so proud of the organisers!! They're in the same category of lovely people as the big headphones security guy

Sending a kiss to @murderofcrow for this gif 🖤

To sum up. I will forever be grateful for this band. This music has activated the dormant parts of my mind. I am making art again. I am meeting cool people because of them. I have people to talk about it with who are as excited about it as I am. For the first time in ages I really feel alive again. And life is not good, far from it, to be completely honest with you, they haven't magically fixed all my problems, but I do have something that actually fucking works on me. I know Vessel wouldn't agree, but they are saving people. And you all, lovely ST pocket of tumblr motherfuckers who are reading this, you are saving people too.

And, last but not least!! In hot pink, because I can! Thanks to this ritual I could finally meet @vesselsscarlet and @thevenomousseprent in person!!!!!!!!! I love you guys, you are amazing and I can't wait to see you again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 You've made me feel so loved that weekend and it's something I haven't felt in a while!!

[scoliosisgoblin]

he's ruined my life. Peter.

[alexpdcl]

OKAY but what if role swap wesker meets og chris

[chthonic-cassandra]

There are a lot of things that went well in this training I just finished running, but I am also holding a deeply simmering rage towards the participants not actually doing the work who came in late and proceeded to shame the other participants, service providers on the edge of burnout who are trying to do very difficult work to help people very much in need of it, for being insufficiently radical.

[deoidesign]

Melatonin is a delicate balancing act, it took some time to find a dose that helped me fall and stay asleep without leaving me groggy after 8/10 hours. For me, that has been 10 mg gradually increased to such over a few weeks then steady since.

I also take roughly a week without it every month or two, as the bottle recommends. Listen to your body and do what you can. Good luck, and thank you for the sweet gay were/pire comic<3

Yeah, I can tell my sweet zone is somewhere between 3 and 6 mg, at least right now. Or at least I think it is. Admittedly my sleep has been absolutely horrible since I was a kid so my standards on "not tired" are pretty low, so I'm not actually sure if they're any good right now. All I know is I'm getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time, and I'm not spending every waking moment fighting off a nap!

Thanks for the confirmation I've gotta test with it and go off and on and such, my doc didn't give me a straight answer on that (he just kept saying take it as needed... I need it every night!!!). 75% of the time being good is way better than 0% so I'll take what I can get!

And the gay comics are the least I can do 🧡 thank you for reading it!

[found--family]

they couldn't let cesar and jesse return bc they would've taken one look at dean and cas interacting and known they had it bad for each other

[tmascfaggot]

just found out there's a sleep apnea surgery that removes your uvula. thinking

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

'yandere sebastian' 'yandere abigail' 'yandere wizard' give me yandere clint 🖐✊🖐✊

[nebulouscoffee]

genuine question does anyone know what to do when you feel like a nervous breakdown is coming? like is there a solid reliable way to stop it or at least prevent it from getting really bad