#i wouldnt watch this with my grandma is what im saying

[clownboy-yeehonk]

.

[zsakuva]

!!SPOILERS FOR THE NEW NOBLE TRAILS EPISODE!!!

Saku i just watched the new noble trials episode and it’s so amazing great job as always! i can definitely tell the great amount of effort you are putting into this project.This episode has to be my favourite by far i love the back and forth banter between the Earis and Zaros but despite that i feel like their relationship has evolved at least a little bit,Im also curious to know more about what the Earis and their mother were discussing at the end about Zaros’ grandma i cant wait to know more about that!

But on the topic of the queen Roena I had mixed feelings on her this episode…I dont wanna say she seemed sinister but she definitely appeared a bit more ig mysterious to me this episode?? Not just that but I definitely feel like she seems a bit more manipulative when it comes to the earis and their role as the upcoming ruler(potentially).

In the first episode she seemed genuinely supportive and like she genuinely wouldnt care if her child lost or won the trials and didnt want them to be to hard on themself,im not saying she doesnt still feel that way but in this episode she seemed a little more controlling and adamant on them winning. Its natural for her to want her child to succeed,especially since its something they have been working on for so long and something she missed the opportunity of doing with her first born but i feel like overtime shes slowly been putting pressure on the earis(wether shes realised it or not) and making them believe this is their only/best option. I mean in the first episode didnt Zaros mention that the earis wanted to travel but they said “that it was only thanks to his influence” or something of the sort? I feel like it wouldve been the queen feeding that idea into them so they carry on her legacy.

Another thing i think was a bit odd was her letting the earis know that they beat Zaros in the trial after all it was supposed to be a secret ik she said it was okay and it wasn’t technically breaking the rules but it still seemed wrong.I suppose she wanted it to act as a bit of a push for them to keep working hard on the trials to become the ruler?

Anyway ive absolutely just been yapping nonsense and i feel like i havent made my opinion on her clear or portrayed my argument very well but in my head it all makes sense i promise😓.

!!!The point is that I definitely think theres more to her than what meets the eye!!! So i was just wondering if there was anything you could tell us about her character? maybe her personality or even a bit of her background??😖😖

I'm glad to see that you're enjoying The Noble Trials! You make some interesting points here!

But I can't tell you anything about any of the characters other than what's already been established, so Queen Roena's personality and background are off the table!

[youngestdaughtersyndrome]

Tagged by my darling @glassangels <3<3<3

1. Are you named after anyone? Im named after a kinks song which is a massive win for me personally. They almost named me rosa after the pixies album (which wouldve made sense bc we do in fact surf) but one of my moms friends was already knitting a sweater with the kinks-name on it and she convinced them to keep it. My middle name is also my paternal grandmas middle name so i guess that counts too

2. When was the last time you cried? No idea tbh. That thing where you lie down on your side and then your eyes start leaking happens to me a lot but a proper sadness-induced cry hasnt happened for months. I will say that sometimes i say something made me cry, and although it technically didnt due to no tears falling, it did make my soul hurt and crying is the closest phrase that expresses that <3

3. Do you have kids? Thank god no

4. What sports do you play/have you played? Soccer, ran track for a bit, ultimate frisbee, swimming, fencing, fighting (mma, kickboxing, cage, etc), equestrianism (im including my brief and unimpressive time vaulting here), did some stuff with a circus briefly (contortionism, aerial arts, lyra), and then the usual outdoorsy shit (surfing, bouldering, hiking, skiing, and since caving is technically a sport, caving). Also danced for a bit (ballet, contemporary, and jazz). Yeah man idk either

5. Do you use sarcasm? Technically yes but its less "sarcasm" and more "inability to express a truth about myself without making it into a joke". A bit of sarcasm when the time calls for it is always fair game though and i will indulge

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone? The way they carry themself says a lot about their temperament and emotional state and whatnot so thats typically where my eye is drawn. Second place goes to wherever theyre keeping their valuables on them and how expensively theyre dressed though

7. Eye color? Blue but ive got a bit of yellow central heterochromia so they tend to look green if its bright out

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Kill them <3 scary movies 4ever

9. Any talents? Party trick-wise i did retain some contortionist ability and so thats always a good one to break out. Also can spit water up to 30 ft for tooth gap reasons. I am the type of person whos just naturally good at a lot of things (sorry) so i consider that a talent too

10. Where were you born? The top left corner of the USA, not including alaska

11. Hobbies? Writing, journaling, watching movies, reading, various textile arts, going for walks, playing assorted instruments, and occasionally traditional art (im particularly fond of ballpoint pens and oil pastels). Would say listening to music but thats a job to me and i clock into that shit like i get paid

12. Any pets? Maeve the most anxious dog in the world who i love very much <3

13. Height? 5'8/172 cm

14. Favorite school subject? I was a school hater so it really depended on the teacher... in high school i did have the same teacher for like three years in a row (she taught me english in freshman year, history in sophomore, + health in junior) and she was totally awesome so all those classes were great. Typically the classes i had the most fun in were english and history just bc there was more room for fucking around. In the single semester of college i took i did have crazy amounts of fun in my film class though which i will say was mostly because my professor rocked and i got him on my side early so i could kind of do whatever

15. Dream job? Due to the Issues and also common sense mainly i just wish the government actually took care of people and i wouldnt need to work. But if i have to chose a job than itd be a) writing a book or two that are good enough i could live off the royalties and film rights and whatnot for the rest of my life or b) pulling an enya (dropping some widely beloved and largely incomprehensible music and then disappearing totally from the public eye to live in a castle in the middle of nowhere)

Idk whos already done this so ignore me if you have lol @supersonic1994 @nothingrhymedwithcircus @hauntedwoman @halogenstreetlight @evebabitzgf @serethereal and anyone else who wants to <3<3<3

[ilovechubbieguys]

Not every man deserves to have kids.

Aug 21 2024 12:42 am

-today i cried for alot of reasons, i cried because i saw a video of dads getting the choise of money and beer and everytime they chose the beer. This just reminded my of my dad, because i know he would choose the beer or the cigarettes evertime. Ofc i love my dad but i dont like him, i dont like him at all.

Hes a crule, rude and, cold man. He makes fun of me all the time for everything. Its gets to the point that if i have any imperfection on my face or with what im wearing i hide in my room because im scared of the remarks he will make at me. He doesnt care at all about my dog max, he beats him and pushes him away when all max wants is a pet or to be played with the same way my dad plays with my other dog audrey. Everytime my dad pushes max away and yells at him i get so sad because i see maxs tail go down and his ears go back and he slowly goes and lays in the corner and watchs my dad play with audrey. There was one time max pooped on the carpet of my air bnb and my dad lost it. He started screaming to loud i couldnt breath and i felt like i was having a panic attack. Max wouldnt go outside so my dad took a broom and beat him with it. He beat him with it till the broom broke. Hearing maxs yelps made my world shatter and tears poured out my eyes before i could even think. He kept screaming "im gonna kill this fucking dog" and "im gonna shoot him in the head" and ofc apart of me thought he meant it so again

i cried. I was the only one that saw it.The worst part was my dads mother and his brother where there, they knew it was wrong and yet, they did nothing. They just stood by and watched. My grandmother even endured my dad screaming at her when she tried to help. Eventually i went into the room me and my sister where sharing i kept crying and my sister hugged me. My sister is not one to hug so i knew it meant somthing. She kept saying "shh if u keep crying it will only make him angrier" All i wanted was to die. He came into our room and told us he was getting rid of max and it was all my fault it was my fault i didnt make sure he pooped before we left so he was gonna find someone that toom care of him correctly. Ofc this never happened. Eventually everything "calmed" down and me and my sister where taking turns showering right before she left our room to take her shower to turned to ms and said "would you hate me if i moved out" i knew if i said anything i would cry so i simply shopk my head no. Nothing could make me hate her nothing. The morning after i sat on my phone in the living room where it had all happened acting as if nothing had ever happened my grandma came up to me and sat on the arm of the couch i saw sitting on and just hugged me and ask how i was doing. I knew exactly what she meant but she couldnt just say what dhe was thinking since my dad was in the room. It never got brought up again.

[marisoft-paint-adventures]

Pgs. 385 - 445

TG: skepticism is the crutch of cinematic troglodytes TG: like hey mom dad theres a dinosaur or a ghost or whatever in my room. "yeah right junior go back to bed" TG: fuck you mom and dad how many times are we going to watch this trope unfold it wasnt goddamn funny the first time i saw it TG: just once id like to see dad crap his pants when a kid says theres a vampire in his closet TG: "OH SHIT EVERYONE IN THE MINIVAN" TG: be fuckin dad of the year right there

so fucking true Dave, keep spitting.

EB: that's fine, you are entitled to your opinion, i am just saying that being a white guy who is a rapper with a ventriloquist doll is not cool by any stretch of the imagination or by any definition of word cool, ironic or otherwise. that's all i'm saying.

ULTIMATE WHITE BOY BRO STRIDER.

oh hey it’s the page I used to showcase Hussie’s affinity for slurs.

uh

still bad.

me when I fucking sTAB MY MOTHER.

I’m having rough flashbacks to HS^2 and I don’t like it.

also I just gotta say that Mom is the coolest looking person in this entire comic I mean just look at this fucking POSE.

it just screams “hello daughter you are going to get fuckin served.”

yes. the pony. beloved Maplehoof.

I’ve always seen this idea that the process of creating Earth, and by extension Universe B, involved taking the attributes and interests of the 12 trolls and morphing them into brand new instances and ideas, like how Gamzee’s Juggalo religion manifested as ICP on Earth.

I like to think that the entirety of the For Assholes book series exists through a recycling of Karkat’s personality.

also that fucking Asshole Note is comedy gold.

aw yeah time to fucking beat the shit out of an imp let’s

shit.

W magnet.

alright for real this time let’s kick the shit out of this imp.

goddammit.

also another White John can be found in this flash, collect all 7 to turn Super White.

also the Egbert Centipede I guess.

Tip: I am so fucking mad.

OK 1 MORE TIME.

he did it. he destroyed the fucker. John man.

YES.

DO THE THING.

YEEEAAAAAAH.

yeah.

fuck you cat I am about to revive.

IT’S HER, CLOWN GRANDMA.

HI NANNA.

TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever TG: or semi-semi ironic TG: man i dont even know TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up TT: I've seen his websites. TT: I like them.

what did she mean by this.

what did she mean by this?

what did she mean by this?!

TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that TG: with those dead eyes jesus TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out

not saying it.

Page 422, titled “[S] GO ON. ==>” completely underrated flash, just listen to this fuckin song.

it captures the feeling of a big expository RPG cutscene so damn well I love it, it’s like I’m a kid again.

this is also just one of my favorite Sburb mechanics, I love the concept of basically deciding the abilities and aesthetics of the NPCs via prototyping, it’s such a cool little thing and opens up a lot of possibility for any fan-sessions.

JOHN: ok, i think i get it now! JOHN: so i guess the battle against good and evil is sort of irrelevant? well, i don't know, that all sounds kind of weird, but in any case, we build the house to get to these gates, and then i can save my dad! NANNASPRITE: Yes, John! JOHN: and then after that, we solve this ultimate riddle thing and save earth from destruction!!! NANNASPRITE: Oh no, I'm afraid not!

NANNASPRITE: Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that! JOHN: oh...

I fucking love this sequence because John activates the Cheery Protagonist Mode ready to assemble a team of teens with attitude in order to save the world from Dark Chess and whatever only to hear that the entire world will end and his response is just “aw..... :(”

I went on this entire shpeel about the potential of writing an isolationist John based off of willy nilly prose narration at the beginning but MAN do the early versions of the kids not give a SHIT about what’s going on.

“John Egbert, the Earth is doomed, it is going to explode, all life will die, you and your friends will be the last living things remaining.”

“:(”

AND THEN HE JUST MOVES ON.

this is a very weird moment that sticks out when looking at the comic as a whole because the weight of literally all life dying at once is nonexistent, but at the same time, this is fucking hilarious.

it makes think about a lot of rewrites I’ve seen where they try, emphasis on try, to give the fact that world ends more emotional relevance, and they basically kinda force this by introducing random background characters who are obviously going to die immediately.

like “oh hi my name is Huma Nfriend I’ve been besties with John Egbert since childhood we’re very close and cool and we’re gonna play a game called Sburb!!!” and then they just

I understand y’all want to make the characters actually feel something in regards to the entire home blowing the fuck up but there’s gotta be better ways than inventing some characters just to fridge.

also John does this.

uh, yeah. I don’t know.

he’s having a moment.

just give him some space.

ok now that’s just rude.

god Rose’s house during the winter is so pretty.

holy shit a Jade and Rose conversation, I hope we get plenty of these! (we do not.)

Jade knows about Sburb??? and it could bring Jaspers back to life???? what could it me- ok this joke already fucking sucks.

ah yeah it’s time to beat the shit out of the local whiteboy.

this shit is so fucking cool oh my god.

also there are literally meteors falling as Dave looks out and I guess he does give a shit.

[cozybearz]

my grandma telling me abt the ✨unbiased✨ news guy she likes to watch every weekend. hes literally just a centrist im pretty sure but i am Not touching that conversation rn i am not strong enough for that knowing it wouldnt go anywhere regardless what i say dhdhdh

[chaoticfandomthot]

Ep 14 mouse thoughts

- called the bong yi not saying anything and also the mu chi misdirection

- i fear if he stays close to his friends he'll end up killing one of them but if he tries to separate himself he'll fall deeper into yo han's brain

- Choi PD that was kind of stupid af of you ngl

- ah unless it was a trap/test FOR ba reum.. still stupid but smart stupid yknow

- im having the 'i could fix him' urges towards ba reum ill be honest

- okay this is cute af but so so so so sad i hope the dad was able to come to the wedding (HE WAS!! YIPPEEEE!!)

- i.. enforcing that him killing people is a good thing is stressing me out i'm scared of how it'll affect him long term (if he gets to have a long term)

- the aunt.. she knows.. she going to the us cause she knows..

- ba reum giving the cat away feels like a good thing for the poor kitten but i'm scared it might be a further loss of control but im glad the kitten can be safe but i have so many conflicting thoughts

- ..'she can fix me...' ...ba reum.. no...

- this would be better if she wasnt a highschooler when they met and there wasn't the 'i'll marry her when she comes of age' i can't root for them together

- NO DANIEL YOU'RE REALLY REALLY NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING BUT IT'S A BIT LATE ISNT IT YOU STUPID BITCH

- aaah fuck the kid will die or have very important evidence fr fr

- AMAZING SATURDAY??? I hear kibum💕

- were the other guys just training?? 필요없어?? Daniel is bad news bad news bad news

- i feel like that target was really important tho..

- yo talk to that grandma she knows things for sureeeee

- i mean it feels like it's the meat truck guy but it seems a bit too straightforward?

- i mean okay then

- Chi kook! The shot was really weird and a bit ominous.. worried...

- okay so he's using the grandma as cover, he probably killed her cat which is the one she carried around and the keys are either for trophies or-

- okay so for evidence of bigger crimes

- OH ISNT THAT THE GIRLFRIEND?? THAT'S SUPPOSEDLY ABROAD??

- the concept of identifying killers by dna never fails to piss me off because it assumes people can be born killers and never have the choice to not be one and no one kills vulnerable people unless they were 'born this way' but this show is too good for me to stop watching

- BA REUM HIDE YOUR FACE OMFG YOU NEVER KNOW DON'T TAKE STUPID RISKS

- oh he had time? I'm glaf but also please stop before you can't anymore ba reum

- damn ba reum is quick af??? (Kinda hot)

- ba reum.. don't act dumb when you were previously sooooo fast to understand it's suspicious

- i feel like he'll believe he's getting better only to fall deeper

- mu chi my poor mid 40s baby boy

- not the sibling adoption😭😭😭 break my heart more will you

- wtf. Why is that necklaxe there??? The scar?? The brain can't replicate that but it can't be him?? It was before the surgery??

- WHAT???!???? HOW?!??!?

-no. No he didnt. He wouldnt. It cant be him. It was before. It was before. It cant be him. Please its not him. Please he wouldnt. No no no no no no non on ono no no no no no no no no come on no please.

- .

[romanarose]

15 & 21 for invasive asks bb

HI IVY!!! ily

15. What's your favorite tv show?

Ever? Doctor Who. But i havn't watched in years lol Right now though... man what was the last show I watched? I watch a lot of youtube ;-; and documetaries...... I think right now I'd say bobs burgers. i rewatch a lot. Been a minute but i watched the christmas ones while crafting the oridiments out of my late grandpa's shirt and it reminded me how much i loved that show. Plus it was on for HOURS on my grandmas tv over christmas vacation. Love it lol

21. What are your thoughts on love.

JESUS IVY

Okay first of all i believe in love at first sight. I do. Never felt it but I'm a sap. I beleive love is above logic. I don't need to explain love at first sight bc its just what it is. However im honestly scared of it. Been in love twice, both hurt. The main one was high school though was pretty bad. never put his hands on me but the mental fuck up was so bad i remember as he's yelling at me having a manic episode, i thought "he's gonna hit me, and im gonna let him" lemme tell you that has NEVER been the kind of person i was. I always fought back against my dad, but with him, he broke me down so badly. The worst part is we didnt even date, we had this whole messed up thing where i loved him, he wouldnt date me, we'd blur the lines of friendship, then gaslight me like i was crazy for thinking he was flirting, tell me i wasnt allowed to date other people but then date or try to date my friends. a mess. that whole thing and my history of SA and CSA the idea of being vunerable like that is so scary

Send me an invasive ask

[freebooter4ever]

I dont believe in love at first sight by any stretch of the imagination, but there's something that happens sometimes when i meet a person - and i dont mean just seeing them i mean start to talk, like actually talk - that says this connection is different, platonic or romantic. (it took meeting “Paul” twice for us to even have a proper conversation and after we did we were both like why the fuck did we waste so much time not being friends)

I wish i knew what makes it different. I wish i knew why with some people silly mundane things can feel like the most exciting thing. What quirk of personality makes it more interesting with them than with anyone else? Like, say when a friend calls you up and says ‘hey i need to grb beer and snacks can you give me a ride?’ and you're like ‘fuck yeah why not’ cause you know with this friend, no matter what you do it's gonna be awesome. Or giggling in a supermarket while looking at pasta cause no reason. Or stopping a walk in the middle of a random neighborhood because suddenly in that moment the sunset and light is perfect and it must be appreciated. Or spending two hours carefully checking light bulbs to find the single burnt out bulb in a christmas light string. Or sitting in a crowded club booth knitting while everyone else dances cause your friend just isnt feeling it tonight. Or taking photos with a weird ass dolphin mural that happened to be on the walk to dinner. Or driving through snow to the end of the forest road, just because. (all of these are different people btw)

But then with other people i can do exciting planned out events with them - and its great, the best. But when we are alone the excitement fades. And something is missing. Like a gaping ache. And i can never fucking explain. 

As grandma once said - with grandpa nothing was ever ‘the usual’, even things they did every night like go to the back room and watch columb*o on tv never felt boring when he was with her. And i didnt say it but i was thinking : grandma aren't you old? Shouldn't that have faded by like the first 50 years together? 

But also, i knew exactly what she meant and i think ive been searching for a version of that for myself my whole life. Because my version of it always ends - friends move away, i move away, nick fucking rips my heart out and smashes it under his foot when he tells me he didnt say goodbye before leaving the city because he thought he wouldnt miss me at all (im not bitter) , lives drift apart emotionally, etc. And im really REALLY happy and grateful for the periods when i am feeling that platonic or romantic love.

But god i wish it happened more often. And i wish it didnt feel like nails on a chalkboard when im trying to force it. If im not always a little secretly thrilled when im with someone no matter where we are or what we are doing, i think i know deep down its not The One. and i get antsy and guilty and like an itch in the back of everything i do.

[toaster-hair]

now that fionna and cake is done i just have... one little complaint...

before you say it yes i know its my fault for not watching adventure time before watching fionna and cake lmao

fionna and cake didnt meet my expectations. it surpassed them. that should be a good thing but for me, im not so sure.

i think this is gonna be a long one folks so strap in. also i have the memory of a gold fish so if i get a characters name wrong or something just bear with me.

so before i can really complain i need to talk about what went on before i started watching fionna and cake.

i always thought adventure time was cool. i watched some episodes as a kid but i never finished it. i liked the designs and the lore but i have a pretty good sense of telling what pieces of media id like and what i wouldnt (ex: my grandma told me id like harry potter but i just know that i would never). at the time i liked adventure time just not enough to watch all 10 seasons.

i knew some lore like betty becoming golb, bubbline hooking up, jake having kids etc

so when fionna and cake came out, i was excited. sure i wasnt planning on watching it until everyone started saying how good it was but by that point i figured itd be something id like.

i was pretty good at avoiding spoilers for each episode because i wasnt following anyone on tumblr who liked fionna and cake and the only spoilers i found were on twitter that i mostly just scrolled past.

so going into fionna and cake, really all i knew about the show was the trailer (specifically the first episodes intro, not sure if there was a trailer released of the actual intro or something) and a few screenshots. because of that the version of fnc that i came up with in my mind was... pretty different from the fnc we got. i love the fnc we have, but going in i thought itd be a pretty fanservicey slice of life show focusing on fionnas life as a depressed 20 something year old, with some magical parts mostly taking place in fionnas dreams. just something cute for the fans to watch without being that important to the overall story of adventure time. i guess ill just watch something like bee and puppycat for something like that.

i knew simon was in there but i thought hed show up in like, the 4th episode not in the immediate next one. and i also just feel like fnc doesnt focus on fionna and cake as much as simon. i get it, simon is basically the most important character in adventure time, i was just expecting that a show named fionna and cake would mostly be focused on fionna and cake. there are scenes that dawn on fionna and cakes narrative, but i feel like it just wasnt all that. like i feel like we dont really get to know them that well.

how did fionna first become friends with marshall and gary? how does cake feel about being treated like a pet for so long? how did fionna loose her other jobs? why couldnt we have focused more on fionnas depression? hell, even just simple stuff like what their favorite color is or what niche thing are they nerdy about?

im not trying to accuse the writers of being "sexist" or whatever even if i do think its a bit sad that fionna and cake kind of got side lined for simons arc. i know in adventure time marceline and bubblegum's relationship and just overall characters were an important part of the show. but i think the difference is that adventure time had enough seasons and specials to focus not only on finn and jake but many other characters as well, while fionna and cake only had 10 episodes.

personally, if i were to rewrite the series while still having most of the original story in tact, i would have a couple of more episodes focusing on fionnas regular life before being summoned by simon. id also give the series at least 15 or 20 episodes just so that theres enough time to focus on multiple characters. there would be more of a focus on fionnas feelings, maybe we could even delve more into fionnas romantic relationships because i feel like the ice prince part in her dream, as well as the winter king episode, was hinting that she might have a bad love life. i mean, knowing what i know about finns romantic relationships, it doesnt seem that out of character.

i still love fionna and cake tho, dont get me wrong. i just kind of felt a bit falsely advertised to and wished there was more focus on fionna and cakes arc. i might start watching adventure time just because i liked fnc, there are 2 shows i want to finish first tho. i dont need a second season of fnc or anything, i just wish there were maybe 1 or 2 additional episodes just to flesh things out. this is just my opinion.

[goremet-chef]

vent/rant

its so fucking ABSURD man. "whats with the attitude?" you want me to kill the mood even more? want me to say im depressed cuz my cat is dead and i didnt even realize that on the 21st, that would be the last time id ever see her again? is that what you fucking want?

its so NON EXISTANT to EVERYONE, it means fucking nothing to them!!! how could you care so little, just because we didnt live with her? she was the last remnant of my home. a home free of yelling and violence and blood, home where my friends live, home where i was safe and now shes gone, she was the last one. i thought i had longer with her, at least with riley i got to say goodbye properly

the same thing happened with domino, when i was younger. i felt so betrayed that they didnt even let me say bye to him, i feel a similar anger now.. but i live 2 hours away, there was no convenient way for them to let me do that. i think just..

the SUDDENNESS of the decision is what breaks my heart. she didnt know she wasnt gonna wake up ever again, she probably had no idea what was happening and its. its not like i wanted to see her die, the same way we watched riley get worse until we realized there was no saving him and he wasnt gonna get better, but.. was there really nothing we couldve done? nothing at all? was euthanasia the ONLY course of action? maybe we could have saved her, but its too late now. it doesnt matter anymore

im still kind of in denial, honestly.. it doesnt feel real. some part of me thinks it was a sick joke from my sibling. i know its not, i know its real, but with how everyones acting like it didnt happen at all, you couldnt blame me for feeling that way. part of me really hopes it was a joke but. i know if i ask ill just get confirmation that it wasnt

i wish i was there at least. that way i wouldnt be stuck in this limbo of thinking its not real. i know when riley was put down, id still go to my grandmas room and go to the living room at night somewhat hoping that he'd be there when i looked, but of course he never was. one time i was zoned out and i subconsciously reached over to pet him and feeling time stop when i froze and saw i was reaching for nothing, it hurt so fucking bad, it still hurts so fucking bad man. looking up and seeing the little box he was inside, it fucking sucks i hate this so much

i wish i was there, because at least my grandma gets it. those were her cats, have been for years. she always played it off like they werent because technically artemis and riley were OUR cats, but my mom lost her home and my grandma took us in when i was like.. 8 or 9. and she decided to go back and get them for us. im so grateful she did, because they wouldnt have lived as long as they had out there.

she gets it, because she loved them too. my mom didnt love them. my brother didnt love them. my older sister literally just completely abandoned and probably forgot about riley, who was HER cat. i remember he used to attack my feet from under the bed, when i was a little kid. the only one who came close to loving them like how we do was my oldest sibling, and even still he doesnt seem sad about it at all. like i know hes sad cuz he loved her but he rarely ever saw her, it was more like a passing claim of "oh, thats my cat", yknow?

my grandma gets it. i know she knows its really hard for me. it was so hard when domino was gone. when riley was sick, she tried to be lighthearted about it and even when i saw him for the last time, and we were both crying, she told me to say bye to him in kind of a goofy voice. i know she doesnt want to see me hurting like that, and it was kind of dreadful at the time, but im really glad she let me say goodbye to him, because it was a goodbye i meant. it wasnt "goodbye, see you later", it was the real one and i didnt get to give that to arty. i just said bye like normal, because i thought shed be okay! i thought whatever was wrong with her, we could fix. i cant believe it was so cut and dry

and i cant stand it here, they dont have and kind of sympathy, i think my mom doesnt even KNOW that i know. which means she just didnt plan on telling me at all. even my sibling was confused as to why she wouldnt have. its like they cant fathom why id be sad for more than a day or two, but i loved her! i fucking loved her, i loved all of them

i dont believe in the afterlife, but part of me wants to believe that they can at least know how much i miss them, how much i love them. its the only sort of comfort i have, even if i dont really believe it. i hope they can hear me cry and they know that its because i love them so fucking much and i want to see them again

it doesnt help that, exactly like when riley was put to sleep, im having dreams about her. dreams where shes dead, but im hallucinating her and i can see her again and im petting her and its so real.. shes there in my head and everyone around me tells me "its not real" but i dont even care! i dont care if its not real, because seeing her is enough. arty, i love you so much girl, im so fucking sorry we couldnt do anything. im sorry to riley too, and domino, and talcum. im sorry marceline, im sorry ellie. i know its not my fault, there was really just nothing we could do, but man i wish that wasnt true

they lived their whole lives with us, which is why its so crazy to me that most of my family doesnt really care. no one is gonna remember them, so ill drown myself in the grief just to honor their memory, because they deserve to be cried over. they deserve to be missed, to have someone who loves them after everything. their loss should be mourned, how could i think back on their whole lives and do anything but? i know people say "oh, remember the good times! they wouldnt want you to be sad" but the good times are gone. crying affirms the fact that i loved them and ill keep loving them until im dead too, because they deserve that

[mordeiswrld]

“Im drained...im unmotivated...im tired...im done. So many hurtful things have been said to me by the ones who were supposed to care for me...i still rememeber it, and some of it still goes on. Why do I remember the things that hurt me...?”

“Wear some makeup maybe that’ll make it better” -because i wouldnt smile for a picture i didnt wanna be in

“She’s a grown woman she knows what she’s doing”- my great grabdmother & mom when i got mad about my siblings (1-2 and 6-7 years old) being out without me and with my grandma who hasnt had a baby in over a decade

“You need to stop dressing that way”- my great grandma when i showed up to my her house in an oversized sweater

“Your too young”- my mom when i told her i wanted a binder and that i was a boy at 11-12 years old

“ive always wanted a boy”- my mom. Then she got what she wanted and started being ‘better’ as if she couldn’t do that with her 1st 2 kids

“Yeah mhm, or girl what?😒”-my mom, dismissing me whenever i try to tell her something im happy about

“You need to start talking to your grandparents”- my mom everytime i ask her for something, now im scared to ask since everything i ask for is “too much” even though she buys herself stuff everyday

“Ill talk to him”- my mom whenever me and my dad get into our fights...it never gets better and she never talks to him and always takes his side

“Shut the fuck up”- my dad whenever i try to explain something to him even if it’s not that serious(its never that serious)

“Stop being selfish”- my dad whenever i say no to my siblings using my stuff that is strictly MINE and that i dont have to share if i dont want to

“Watch your brother” my dad almost all the time everyday and they’ll just be lying around doing nothing with the excuse of ‘i work i need a break’ you dont need a break all damn week while i have to go to school and handle your wild 3 year old while your in your mid 30s

“Sounds like a personal problem” my mom whenever i tell her that I genuinely can't handle my siblings and am on the verge of snapping (violently)

“Maybe if you had a bedtime then yknow...i dont wanna have to say it”- my mom around her friend talking about my low grade in a class and thinking its bc of electronics when in reality my mental health is in hell and ive been crying more than usual and i dont have the motivation to keep pushing on anymore, but she thinks im up at 12:30 bc of a phone...

“Congratulations”- my mom when i show her my all As. But won’t be as nice and be a bit irritated that i got a low C in something she knows I struggle in

“I'm so proud of you”- my dad hugging me for the straight As. He doesnt hug me ever and he never says those words to me. Not even when its a minor accomplishment

“Has your father ever told you he loves you?” my mom years ago in a random parking lot that got me realizing last week that he never says he loves me willingly, he has to be forced

“I'm obligated to be there” my grandfather after getting married and never calling us to see how we are

“Your ___ eye is bigger than your ___” my friend. I always liked my eyes growing up...not anymore

“She ugly as hell” my 9th grade classmate he just says it whenever he can. I dont even have to be talking to him

It’s getting worse day by day...nothing i do is enough...im tired..

admin zjay

[himbos-hotline]

Top 5 albums that you think changed your life forever (my favorite question to ask everyone)

I can tell that these are gonna be very sappy and very sentimental and I am gonna feel so many emotions about it.

1 The sound of music.

It was the first musical my nan took me too when I was four years old. I cried so hard that I nearly threw up and some random stranger brought me an ice cream. I remember skipping home singing do rai me. Its what got me into musicals, which then lead to me getting into singing and acting and that now is what I wanna do in life. I met wonderful friends because of musicals and I don't think I would be the person I am today if my nan didnt take to see it. The theatre she took me too is still around and I really should go to get tickets to see something.

2 Handwritten [delux version]

My big sibling sent me one of the songs [handwritten] when I think I was sixteen and honestly at the worse point in my life. I adored the song and the band and now its in every playlist I make. I refuse to skip the song whenever it plays. My big sibling has supported me through fandoms, gender crisis, nights where everything feels wrong, panic attacks. They were on the phone after my first doctors appointment coming out as trans, were on the phone when I tried on my binder for the first time. Every important moment in my life they've been there. I honestly wouldnt be here if they didnt exist. I would not be writing, I would not be making characters or drawing or doing anything I find love in. I wouldnt feel so comfident in myself.

@itsnoosetome I know we don't do emotions because ew gross, bad icky. But I honestly just wanna say thank you for being so supportive to me. I love you so much, you've helped shape me into the boy I am and im not scared of things to come because I know that you will always be there. I am so thankful that we met and I am so fucking happy that we're friends, im happy that were still writing together and you listen to my writing. I am so happy to call you my big sibling and I love you so much. You're such a good person and I just love you a lot.

*poke* there no more emotions heh.

3. The black parade

I was once an angry 14 year old who used loud music to block out the voices in my head [Look, DiD is a weird fucking thing] It would block out the shitty thoughts and sometimes I still lsiten through the songs and theyre nice to yell in the park or when im home alone and need to scream my emotions away. I think a lot of MCR's like lyrics and the way they write them leads itself to my flowery language I gues. I dont know I just feel like if I didnt fuck my ears forever I wouldnt be here writing stupid flowery sentences and using abstract concepts that I hope make sense.

4. Anything julie andrews

My great grandma had dementia and used to listen to her songs over and over again. I remember sitting with her about a week or two before she died singing along ot somewhere over the rainbow. The memory still hurts because I don't think she knew who I was. Sometimes I wish that I spent more time with her or at least remembered their voices. I miss her and my great grandpa and my uncle. Theres a lot of good painful memorys when I listen to her voice. My great grandma taught me to love the little parts of music and in this, is what also spurred me on to sing.

5. Anything from the simpsons and/or queen

My great uncle and I used to watch the simpsons together whenever my nan and I would visit. I remeber sitting surrounded by cats watching who shot mister burns. I still sit and listen to homers barbershop quartet and remember singing along at aged nine.

Queen is my grandpas favourite band. I grew up listening to their music and it shaped my music taste today. I remember being a little kid and telling my nan I wanted to be Freddy Mercury. I grew up listening to music and its such an important part of who I am both as a person and as a system.

______

WC: 2,128 words FIC: unnamed fic This ask motivated me to write 685 new words

[jadesbrain]

20240406

i am still stuck begging. still longing for something that will never be. things arent getting any better. we're still constantly arguing about things that dont need to be argued over and if you asked him he would just say that it's my fault. that im the one causing all the arguments due to my constant complaining and nagging. but he doesn't clean unless i hold his hand to help him, he doesnt help pick up or even pick up his own things. he literally told me he needs me to guide him in order for him to clean his own house. i am not going to mother him. i am not going to raise a grown man. im already raising our son. tonight i cleaned almost the entirety of downstairs by myself. moved the couch, swept, mopped, dishes, sippy cups, high chair tray and the cover, moved everything by the stairs, and wiped off the dining room table. i know since i stay home all of this should have already been done but it gets so overwhelming. i clean one thing, move onto the next, and then the last thing i cleaned is already dirty again. and i know having a mini tornado running around doesnt really help but he really just tears up the living room and his room but his room is always the cleanest in the house. honestly, life would have been easier had i kept my job. my husband and i might not be married but at least i wouldnt be picking up after two children. im so tired. i have been thinking about taking my life quite frequently. some days it seems so peaceful. just to die. to not have to beg, expect, or try to get my husband to act like he's in love with me. in death, i wouldnt have to beg anyone to help me around the house or have to constantly push through days where i want to hide away and never see the light of day again. other days it's not so bad. the days my son and i go to the park and he actually eats breakfast(he's teething rn), and we stick to the little schedule i made for us. the days my husband makes an effort to show his appreciation for what i do for our family and at leasts thanks me for the workload i carry and the mental burden of everything else. i am constantly going back and forth with myself about whether i should just take my life or not. theres nothing left in my marriage for me to hold onto. the love, the passion, the care.. it's all gone. sure if i did kill myself they might blame my depression or ptsd or even my bpd. but it's not any of that. it's the abuse when i was 7 and begging for a family. it's begging to be seen as a daughter by my stepdad while his daughters came to visit for the summer, constantly wondering why i was a bandage instead of a daughter. it's watching my mom become a borderline alcoholic and becoming addicted to smoking while i barely had money in my lunch account, staying home to watch my brother because she couldnt afford the after school care and no one else could watch him. it's being told that nothing was wrong with me all these years while i had 4 suicide attempts between the ages of 13-17. it's trusting someone to take me to see my family and then they shoved my head up to force me to kiss them. it's my great grandma dying within 2 months of that. it's me being raped in my sleep for 2 weeks and then everyone finding out about it. it's me being raped in my sleep again and developing ptsd stemmed insomnia. it's me getting kicked out of my in-laws house with my 6 month old son with no car and no place to go. it's my husband begging me to stay with them after and not caring about my mental health. it's my husband never realizing that i needed him to lean on, his shoulder to cry on. it's my husband making me feel like i am too much and the love i want is too high of expectations. it's me still fighting for him to care about me and love him right. it's my son now being at an age where he doesn't need me anymore. all of this, all the abuse, the rape, the trauma, the begging. for what? just to end up wanting to kill myself and no one realizing. i dont have a plan. i just want to die.

[away-ward]

The most unbelievable thing about that instagram dn post is emory having an account, ots so funny 🤣 im sorry, i cannot ever imagine em ever having an active personal account, no matter how much she loves will and their children, or were coerced by her current family to make and be active on one. Someone like her wouldnt give 2 fucks to post or like anything, especially commenting something pettily possessive on will's ig, she would just "punish" him irl for the fun of it (will being hot and a bad boy), or The only other way she would have an account if its a foreplay between willemmy where will talks about his love being "claimed" by her in fromt of everyday, especially in "the light/day", like how he loves it when she claimed, loved, fucked or confessed to him in front of everybody, even their ex-schoolmates/alumni, lmao. But outside of those fun foreplays, she would most probably only scroll through insta from someone else's phones or accounts, even then, only occassionally. I'm not saying she hates every social media or anything, i feel like people with a lot of unique interests like emmy would be more active on discursive social medias like reddit or youtube to watch tutorials for her hobbies, or even cooking blogs and irl stores or places than be on short hyper-interactive social media like insta, snapchat, tiktok. Out of all the girls, emmy would probably say something like "what the fuck is a snapchat? is that a dog filter?" I love emmy, but she sounds like my grandma sometimes ☠️🤣

Hey. Usually I wouldn’t have a thought about this because the only site I’m on is this one, but I’d have to disagree with you here. Because canon.

And yeah, I don’t think there would be anything wrong with her wanting to document her personal life. She was a sad teenager who now has a husband and three kids and people who really care about her. Her having a personal insta would not be the most unbelievable thing in the world.

She would most probably only scroll through insta from someone else’s phones or accounts, even then, only occasionally.

I could believe that she doesn’t use it as frequently as some of the others. Maybe there’s weeks or months between her posts. It’s definitely not the first thing she does in the morning. She might not even open the app every day. But there’s a time and place for it.

emmy would be more active on discursive social medias like reddit or youtube to watch tutorials for her hobbies, or even cooking blogs and irl stores

Everyone’s Youtube subscriptions or recs would be interesting! I can totally believe her putting something on in the background while she works, having diy or rebuild channels on. There’s one youtuber that I watched for a while who was rebuilding a cabin and I always thought it would have been nice if Emmy in the 9 years had a small cabin that she rebuilt, maybe as a place to go between school semesters, so she didn’t have to find a place to rent, and it gave her something to work on. It would have been a nice way for her to work through some stuff, process what had happened to her, and figure herself out a little.

I know I have some pretty plain ideas about how Emmy spent that time, but I, like everyone else, wish she had done something for herself and had a life worth remarking about outside of Thunder Bay, outside of Will.

Out of all the girls, emmy would probably say something like "what the fuck is a snapchat? is that a dog filter?" I love emmy, but she sounds like my grandma sometimes ☠️🤣

Yeah. She’s probably not on snapchat. And poor Emmy. The girls probably tease her about her old fashion sayings, but what can she do when she was raised by a woman born in the 30s. Besides, Emmy probably hangs on to those phrases because it keeps her close to her grandma.

What I find even more interesting is that Damon checks instagram first thing in the morning.

It's honestly the most normal teenager-thing about him. Of course, he's having a really abnormal conversation. But he's a man of duality.

[asunas-junk-drawer]

September 19th

i had no idea what to wear today. i just went with a black tank top and jeans with sneakers. i dont really think it matched. but its okay. i was particularly insecure about my hair though. i was trying to cut it with scissors as of recent during lunchtime, but my friend astro was being a bitch and ripped away the scissors from me. even when i told her that i was just trying to cut off my split ends, since im insecure…

i did stand up for myself tho… i told her to give them back to me and she actually did do that. she did back off thankfully. im working on trying to get her to understand boundaries as well. also today, she saw that i was texting some weird guy who goes to our school (she literally looked over my shoulder just so she could see……,,,,..). then she went on a rant and went ‘stop texting him, block him’. but like the thing is that im literally a lesbian????? plus i know that hes weird (well call him fei. hes kind of a weirdo who has a hentai pfp for his instagram acc. plus astro says that he watched hentai during class….). but like all he does is send memes to me…! plus i don’t even like him, but im pretty sure that astro doesnt know that since i made a comment about him being kind of fine. i never clarified if i was being serious or not so I guess thats kind of my fault. but she just kept on saying that and stuff…. im thinking of dumping her but the problem is that shes apart of my friend group and has a lot more influence over it than I do (meaning that if i do that, then i might get kicked out of it………). which is bad since i dont have any friends at school other than them, and i wouldnt say that im close with them tbh…….

when i came home, my siblings and parents weren’t there. i did things as normal, but i wanted to go into my old room (my grandma, who is visiting from mexico, is using my room right now, which means that I’m forced to sleep in the living room and have all my clothes in some spare room that we have….) so that i could search for some dresses for homecoming. while searching, i decided to get some heels that were inside of this little box. my grandma had some of her stuff on top of it, and I had to move it away to actually get to the shoes. Underneath the stuff, was fifty solid dollars. i stole it. It’s justified though because my grandma is a total bitch. i won’t go into too much detail, but she basically wants my dad to go back to mexico with her so that he can take care of her or something idk…. to reach this goal of hers, shes been trying to make my parents fight, so then she could get into my dads head and convince him to go back with her. She’s tried doing this once before.

when my parents got back home, my mom told me about stuff that happened with my grandma. She told me that while they were at the self checkout aisle for Walmart, that she forgot to scan a couple of items and technically stole from the store because my mom was distracted from my grandmas rambling. my mom got mad at my grandma because she didn’t like a doll that my mom picked out for my baby sister (the doll had a darker skin color). Basically my grandma was being colorist and kept saying that it was ugly just because of that…. (My mom literally has darker skin while my grandmother is racially white, but ethnically mexican). So yeahhh….

i don’t regret stealing those fifty dollars. My grandma is blind anyway…. It’s not like she’d notice lol

Listen to this. it’s a good song.