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#i’m doing the BARE MINIMUM!!! well my bare minimum can be a lot. but i’m doing it for ME!!!
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i’ve decided that 2024 is going to be my year of my rest relaxation and most of all selfishness. i’ve been reflecting on myself this past year and this holiday season has made it really clear to me about how i’ve been working myself to the bone for others and holding myself back in terms of the things that bring me joy and i just can’t keep living like this. i’ve never thought of myself as a people pleaser i’ve actually actively been against that label but the more i’ve been reflecting on my behaviors i’ve realized that i totally am one and well fuck that!!! i hate that shit!!! it’s not that i want to be rude or unkind or anything because that’s definitely not my goal but. straining myself and pushing myself farther than i need to and ignoring my own wants and needs in fear of being judged isn’t going to make people love or care about me or put any more thought into me. i’m so utterly exhausted of constantly giving 150% for others when i don’t get even an eighth of that back. so i’ve decided i’m going to start putting myself first and everyone else leagues behind me because. so much of my life is rooted in guilt and shame and beating myself up because of how i’m perceived and it makes zero sense and all it does is make me fucking miserable. i want to knock down even those stupid mental barriers like how i’ve been too scared to go see movies by myself or forcing myself to be quiet because i’m convinced that all of my emotions whether it’s misery or joy is a burden to others because Nobody. Cares. nobody cares!!! nobody cares and that’s so freeing. i am going to find a way to love myself if it fucking kills me i am going to do what makes me happy and not care if it’s a “burden” to anyone else (it isn’t.) i am gonna do what i want when i want to fuckin do it and i don’t Care anymore. this will be the year i come out victorious in the idgaf war and it’s gonna be incredible
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saetoru · 1 year
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Tee…
I’m now on my hands and knees BEGGING for bully Gojo who is (secretly) DISGUSTINGLY IN LOVE over the reader PLEASE ANY CRUMBS I WILL TAKE
(you don’t actually have to write this it was just a nice thought)
idkkkkk if it’s rly bully gojo—but he’s definitely a real cunt for sure.
i just think about an asshole! gojo a lot like he’s ur lab partners or something and he does that stereotypical jerk move where he’s like “seriously ?? her ??” when he’s first paired with you. and he’s just naturally an douche, yk ?? wears sunglasses indoors and makes jokes at the professors expense under his breath that gets him snickers and snorts from his frat guys in his class. has to be asked more than once to “please keep it down in the middle of class” by wtv prof he’s in class with.
and he ofc makes u do all the work bc he can’t be bothered—and on the rare occasion that he is bothered, he just does a poor job that’s the bare minimum and sloppy enough that ur like wtv i’ll just do it myself. and then ofc sometimes u don’t have a choice but to meet up to finish something after class every now and then—he wouldn’t care to, but he actually needs to know the stuff for the final report he has to write individually, so he begrudgingly meets up with you, and sometimes you notice his friends give you an amused look when he walks up with them. they snicker before they leave as he sits with you. sometimes they make a snide comment here and there like “have fun with ur super hot date” that makes him roll his eyes—he doesn’t do much to hide the look of distaste on his face.
but then—and he doesn’t even know when it happens—you start to slowly grow on him. because ur actually pretty snarky urself, sometimes making a dry comment here and there about the professor and his stupid bald headed self. sometimes a girl in the distance laughs too hard a group of guys that u roll ur eyes and mumble how “if i had a voice like that i’d never laugh in public” and it makes him snort a bit without meaning to. sometimes you stare daggers at the person who has their music so loud thru their headphones they can’t help but notice u and turn it down in embarrassment. ur actually not as much of a pushover as he thought—you just genuinely think he’s too incapable to help u out that you’ve just shrugged him off and started doing his part. it’s an easy weekly lab class anyway, you don’t need him—and then he realizes that u rly just don’t care for him. his little snickers at u with his friends and their snide comments roll off ur back bc well…he’s him—an asshole little frat boy and u didn’t expect anything better from him. so it makes him a little intrigued—maybe a little wounded in his pride, deep down, because no one has ever been indifferent to him before. they’re either madly in love, or they hate his guts, or they follow his lead. either works—he still gets the attention he craves.
but u just don’t rly care. and ur actually pretty cool, and kinda sorta funny in a way no one else is. he likes it…and fuck, now he’s starting to like you. he can tell bc when his friends ask how his little date with you went, he starts getting a bit huffy ab it bc they don’t need to talk about you. they don’t even know you…but also….its not a date. and that’s the worst part. sometimes it feels like a date. almost—sometimes you both decide to take a break in between and go get a coffee or a light snack. sometimes he’s even paid (to which you look mildly shocked before politely thanking him) and you both walk back to the library while u make light banter and it’s…well, fun. and nice. and your laugh is pretty. and your smile is kinda cute and he (though he hates to admit it) rly likes it when u laugh because of him.
and then things start to get messy—really, he didn’t mean for it to start this way. he really was meaning to ask you in a genuine manner to see u again once the semester was finished. because he’s actually started pulling his weight—he wants u to see him for someone who’s smart. satoru is actually rly rly smart and no one knows it because he doesn’t rly show it but he is. he wants u to see that side of him—somehow there’s some sick validation he rly needs from you knowing he’s not a dense frat guy who drinks and fucks until 3 am every night. so he starts doing his parts and actually communicates with u about sections. so starts ur texting routine—sometimes a little longer than u rly need to for just doing a lab together. sometimes it’s “did u hear ab that girl in our class getting dumped in front of the kfc ??” and sometimes it’s “god our prof rly needs to get some pussy” and other times it’s “look what the guy who sits behind us just posted on his story” and it leads to a few long convos that admittedly…are rly fun. ur so fun. he likes it. he rly does like u and he thinks maybe….maybe he’s grown on u too and you know what ?? satoru’s always a jerk but ur nice and who’s to say he can’t be nice too ?? just for one person. for u, he can be a nice guy—u carried lab all on ur own long enough that u deserve it anyway.
until he gets swayed in that way only a coward can. in that way you do when ur used to being “the man” around ur friends and ur too pressured to keep up that energy for appearances sake bc u don’t wanna be the laughing stock who softened up for “some nerdy chick who’s a nobody.” so he laughs when they laugh at the fact that ur probably “still a virgin who’s never touched a guy before” and then they’re patting gojo on the back and shoving at his shoulder as they laugh harder and suggest that “y’know what would be so funny man ?? if u took her virginity. you could probably do it.”
the thought is sickening because…satoru wouldn’t want to fuck you like that. god, you have him caring about when and how he fucks you—in fact, just thinking about you lewdly makes him feel guilty. disrespectful, even. you’re more than a fleshlight for his dick. since when did he become so respectful ?? but he doesn’t know how to say no, especially when everyone starts agreeing one after the other—and oh no, now they’re betting on how quickly he can do it….and oh, now it’s not just fucking. now it’s “how long until you think she’s head over heels for you? man, that would be a sight, huh ??”
and….well, satoru decides it couldn’t hurt, right ?? he does want to be romantically involved so that would include you being head over heels. hopefully. fingers crossed. and he doesn’t rly want to seem lame in front of the guys either, so he gets to keep both sides of the coin, so is it really that bad ?? maybe not the right idea but certainly the right execution. he’ll treat you well—that much he’s confident of. so he forces out a laugh and says “gimme a month or two, you’ll see.”
and a month or two they give him. and a month or two it takes—but not for you to be head over heels. it’s him who’s utterly and completely obsessed and fallen head first and whatever else they say to describe love because wow. this must be what it is. this must be that stupid fairytale shit they always talk about because fuck, no one has ever looked at him like that. like he’s some miracle to this earth and some wonder only you know of—like you hope it stays that way and that he’s yours and yours alone and no one else comes in to take him away. satoru really likes being yours, it kinda feels better than you being his. being yours means you hold him like that at night and wake him up to a kiss between his brows and sometimes, when he gets those migraines he’s prone to getting, you always seem to know. always seem to understand when to close the blinds and keep quiet and wrap him up in the covers as you rub your thumbs over his temples soothingly.
he almost forgets about that silly little bet he made two months ago when he’s around you. actually, he forgets everything when he’s around you. he’s only ever thinking about you, you, you. when he comes back to his frat house, on the other hand, they’re all gathered around waiting for the newest details. how you must’ve been so pathetically star struck by him. how you must be embarrassingly bad at kissing. how you must stutter over every other word around him. how you must be making a complete and utter fool of urself trying to impress him and be someone you’re not bc the real you would never pique his interest.
they’re wrong ofc. if anyone’s star struck, it’s satoru bc how the hell are u so…cool ?? and so funny and witty and carefree ?? and you’re good at kissing—have him chasing your lips with a whine every time. sometimes you even chuckle at him when he does and make him blush a bit. he’s the one who stutters over his words when he sees you in your little date night outfits. sometimes he watches you drink from your straw and his brain short circuits a little until you snap at him and ask him in confusion if he’s alright. but the real kicker ?? it’s that if anyone’s pretending, it’s satoru. you’re always just you—unapologetically so, that it’s endearing and beautiful and so unearthly he wonders how he got so lucky. but him ?? he’s always acting like some guy he’s not. some chivalrous guy who opens doors and pushes out seats and kisses the back of hands and waits at least a few dates before even considering fucking. some nice, sweet, genuine guy who’s deserving.
he’s not that—never was. if you knew the real him, you’d leave in a heartbeat. it’s a scary thought. a raw feeling he doesn’t like. makes him feel all self conscious and insecure and all that weird shit he never thought he’d feel.
he tries. so hard, he tries to make them forget about that silly little bet and just slowly drop it and maybe even forget ur dating so he can just stay living this peaceful little fantasy with you—but that’s stupid. that’s naive. it’s been 4 months and enough is enough—the guys need to see the look on ur face when u realize what a fool ur being and satoru is “being a lazy ass who’s too comfortable not having for work for pussy these days.” so then there’s a video going around. it’s everyone gathered around on the couch drunk and talking about you. and satoru. you both, in fact. how it’s been two months and u seem desperate for his attention with the shrill little voice you use to call him toru, baby! it’s so, so fucking embarrassing, they say. how you think he likes it. (he does. god he does so much, it hurts. he loves it, actually, when you call him that. makes him feel special in a way he never has.) but then, the worst, most disgustingly nauseous part of the whole thing is when satoru laughs along and plays into their awful words. just lets them talk about you like you’re some piece of meat. something for him to chew up and spit out after he has a taste or you. not even worth savoring and enjoying. he laughs along and agrees—you’re nothing special and he can’t wait until he’s free of you.
that part hurts. that part sucks the most—when he acts like he didn’t tremble under your touch every time you kissed him. like he didn’t beg you to stay just five more minutes! before walking out the door to go home. he acts one way in front of you and one way in front of them and what’s worse ?? you don’t know which one is real. couldn’t tell even if your life was on the line to decide. because there’s no way he’s that good at pretending to be desperately in love, no fucking way. but there’s also no way he can be in love if he’s talking about you like that. that’s not what love is—that’s not what love feels like. that’s not what it means to someone.
you don’t know which satoru is the real one, but you know that neither is worth your time. not if he can’t stick to it.
it’s terrible thing—the way you break up. it’s messy and teary and he’s begging, he’s actually begging. he never thought he’d do that. but he doesn’t even hesitate to plead for you to hear him out. baby, please let me explain. wait, please don’t walk away—please just listen! i can explain.
he can’t explain, though when you as him to. stands there with a bitten bottom lip and teary eyes that are pleading you to just stay with him. to overlook this and just … ignore it like it’s nothing. like what he did and said was just nothing and you can shrug it off like you’re nothing too. like your feelings are nothing and so is your worth and that’s why you should just ignore the way he absolutely destroyed your pride and reputation and dignity and worse….every ounce of your love.
such deep, raw, pure love—it’s almost enough to heal every dry crack and crevice of this earth and bring it back to life.
you look at him with teary eyes and something so broken, it makes him feel like dirt beneath your feet.
“it’s embarrassing, satoru,” you hiss that night through tears, “you’re in your twenties getting a degree and you’re still just a high school bully. life’s really gonna kick you in the ass some day.”
life’s already kicking him in the ass as soon as you walk out. the air is colder. the world is dimmer. food doesn’t taste as good and fuck—there is just so much loneliness when you have no one to be yourself with. when there’s no you.
but he supposes you’re right though—he is just a bully. it’s pathetic, really. and maybe it’s for the best. maybe you don’t deserve someone who’s only ever known how to feel good because someone else doesn’t.
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the-boy-meets-evil · 6 months
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on second thought | jww
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(where your roommate, wonwoo, has an interesting solution to all your bad dates. nothing can go wrong with two friends crossing a line, can it?)
pairing: wonwoo x f.reader genre: roommates/friends to fwb to?? | smut, tiny bit of angst if you squint rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni word count: 6.5k warnings: there's some plot here but it's mostly smut, multiple sex scenes (some quickly referenced), roommates who enter a fwb agreement, kissing, fingering, oral (f. receiving), protected sex, multiple orgasms, use of actual lube, some scratching, after care, mentions: masturbation, kitchen sex, teasing, overstimulation, edging, i think that's it.
authors note: happy birthday to my bby @wongyuseokie! i'm thankful to have met you through nets. i hope you like some wonwoo to celebrate. thank you to @wonwussy for helping me with a title, you're a savior. this is unedited because i only started it yesterday so sorry in advance. also tagging: @aaniag @gyuminusone
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Another disappointing date. Another man who couldn’t even seem to let you finish a sentence. Was so intent on proving how well he could provide for you that he forgot to treat you like a person. So intent on establishing his dominance that he tried to order for you at the overpriced restaurant with too-small portions. So irritated that he paid for your dinner and drinks only for you to leave separately from him and refuse his offer to drive you home. There was no way you were letting that man know where you lived. Is it really asking too much just to have a decent date? You aren’t going to let anyone try to tell you that your standards are too high. You’re really just asking for the bare minimum. 
That’s why you’re sitting on the counter in the kitchen of your shared apartment, spilling your guts to your sympathetic roommate. His hair is messy, sticking up at odd angles in some places because he’s been playing video games for hours. Probably streaming at some point. You admire that he’s able to do something he loves to fill up most of his days. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and you try not to find it so endearing. But, you fail at that. He really is impossibly cute sometimes.
“Do you want a bite of this?” you ask instead, holding out the instant ramen you made as soon as you got home. 
“No, I ate earlier,” he answers. 
“An actual meal or a Wonwoo meal?” you challenge and he rolls his eyes.
“I ate real food. Go back to bitching about your date,” Wonwoo says. 
“I don’t know, maybe I was being too harsh,” you say. 
“He sounds like a fucking nightmare,” he disagrees. 
“Ugh, maybe I just need to redownload one of those apps,” you whine. Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at you. “Don’t look at me like that. I hate fucking on the first date, but I’m so pent up that I need to release it somehow. I’m going insane.” 
This makes him laugh, at least. It releases a little bit of the tension, too. You’ve lived with Wonwoo nearly three years and were friends for years before that. Nothing is secret between the two of you. Not anymore. The first time you realized he caught you getting off in your room because you didn’t think he was home was mortifying. Even if he didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. After you got over it, things settled. And in the time since, you’ve both heard the other doing a lot of things. Some of your friends think it’s weird, but you just chalk it up to the comfort of living with someone. After all, you would tell your female friends all about your sex life. Why was that weird to share with Wonwoo? 
“Toys not doing it for you?” he throws out. You only fix him with a glare. It’s more proof that you’re entirely too comfortable.
“Our walls are thin, what do you think?” you answer. 
Wonwoo snorts a little before seeming to consider something. “Why don’t we just fuck? Get it out of your system.” 
The sip of water you’re taking when he suggests that comes bursting out of your mouth. A real life spit take. Thankfully, he’s out of the blast zone. He looks unamused at water coming out of your mouth, but he doesn’t look like he was kidding. It can be so hard to tell with him. You think that you know his face well after all these years. But, you never thought you’d hear that coming out of his mouth, so you’re not sure. 
“Please give me some indication if that was a joke or not,” you say.
“It wasn’t a joke,” he says.
“Pretty clear indicator,” you mumble. 
“Is it that crazy? You think I’m hot…” Wonwoo starts. If you were still drinking, you’d spit out your water again.
“Uh, what?” you ask.
“You think I’m hot. Hao told me,” he says as if it’s no big deal. You’re mentally running through what the appropriate payback is for this breach of trust. “It’s fine. He told me because I was saying I also think you’re hot.” 
“I mean, thanks,” you laugh, still considering how you’re going to torture Minghao. “But, we can’t have sex.” 
“Why not?” Wonwoo presses. 
“Because we’re roommates?” you ask like it’s obvious. 
“So I can hear you fuck yourself with a toy or hear you fake an orgasm with another bad date, but us fucking each other is the line?” Wonwoo asks. 
“I don’t fake that many orgasms,” you scoff to buy time.
“Yes, you do,” he argues. “I can hear the difference. And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be faking it with me.” 
There’s a little bit of cockiness in the statement that shouldn’t be doing anything for you. But, it is. There’s also the very real possibility that Wonwoo does know the difference in the sounds you make. It’s not like you’ve bothered being that quiet since the first conversation where he heard you. What’s the point? The walls are pretty thin and you’re both adults. It’s not like you’re going to kick him out every time you bring a date home. And you’re definitely not going to only get off in the shower because it drives up the water bill. 
Beyond any of it, there’s also a little curiosity. Wonwoo is insanely attractive. Someone would have to be blind to miss that. He’s got that whole nerdy thing going on for him on initial inspection with the glasses and gaming. Or there’s the fact that he’s content to just hang out around the house, even with company over, wearing his pimple patches. But then, there’s this whole other side to him. It comes out when you’re both out with friends and he leaves the glasses behind. Swapping out graphic tees or hoodies for form fitting clothing and leather jackets. Casually leaning against a bar and whispering honey into some nameless, faceless stranger’s ear. 
And that leads you to the reason you’re actually curious. Sure, he’s heard you having sex with people you’ve been dating or just someone you brought home for the night. But, you’ve heard him too. If any of your orgasms sound faked, the ones he coaxes from the pretty girls in his bed sound anything but. There’s nearly always an incoherent string of praises. That thought alone has you considering his proposition. It has you shifting a little on the counter.
“Let’s pretend for a second that I’m considering this,” you start and he smiles. 
“Pretend, sure,” he echoes. 
“We’d need ground rules, right? Like we don’t want this to get awkward,” you say.
“It’s not gonna be awkward. But, we can set whatever makes you feel comfortable,” he says nonchalantly. 
A very strong, very hard to ignore voice in the back of your head argues against setting rules at all. Actually urges you to just drag him into your bedroom. Or his bedroom? Maybe you do need some ground rules. 
So, you talk. You don’t say that it’s only going to happen once because you never know what needs might pop up. The most important thing that you agree to is that nothing can change between the two of you. If either of you feels like it’s going to, then you have to talk about it because preserving the friendship is most important. It doesn’t matter what bed you have sex in as long as the other helps clean anything up. You’re not planning on this being a regular thing, so you don’t need to negotiate any kinks or anything like that. If it does become more of a thing, then you can revisit the kinks. There won’t be any weirdness about dating or talking to other people. This is just a solution between two friends that are both going through dating dry spells. 
Once the rules are set out, Wonwoo brings you into his room. Even though you’ve been in here more times than you could ever count, it feels different now. He tells you to make yourself comfortable on his bed. When he turns around to take his shirt off and toss it aside, your eyes map out his back. And, yeah, you’ve seen Wonwoo shirtless before, but never given yourself permission to so openly appreciate his body. His shoulders are impossibly wide and he’s in deceptively good shape for someone that hides under baggier clothes. 
“Should I take a picture for you?” he asks. It’s only then that you realize that he’s facing you. 
“Funny,” you say with an eye roll. 
Wonwoo crosses the space to his bed and settles next to you. The way he reaches out to pull your face into his own is so smooth. His lips are on yours before your brain has a chance to catch up. You gasp a little and pull back.
“What are you doing?” you ask.
“Uh, didn’t we just go over this?” he asks.
“No, I mean, we’re kissing?” you ask.
“What am I supposed to do, sweetheart, just get right down to fucking you without foreplay?” he asks.
You feel a little stupid for asking that because of course you don’t want to skip the foreplay. It’s just that you don’t want to force it, either. 
“Just let me take care of you,” Wonwoo says to keep you from overthinking anything. 
It’s not something that you expected to be doing. Giving up control to Wonwoo. But, it’s surprisingly easy when he starts kissing you again. Any thoughts that this might be weird fly right out of your head as soon as he deepens the kiss. Instead, your focus is on what a good kisser he is. The way his lips mold effortlessly to yours. The way his tongue licks into your mouth. The way his hands roam your body as if they’re trying to memorize every curve. 
You’re breathless by the time Wonwoo pulls back from you to pull your shirt over your head. When you changed after the date from hell, you hadn’t considered putting anything nice on. Hadn’t bothered to keep your bra on. What was the point when you were just going to be going to bed after having something to eat? Now, you’re wondering about that decision. Because your very hot roommate is drinking in the sight of you. It’s making you a little self-conscious, the way his eyes move over your body.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” he utters. 
It’s a little too intimate for you to respond to. It doesn’t seem to matter, anyway. Wonwoo starts kissing down your neck and working his way to your breasts. He spreads his kisses between them, rolling your nipple between his fingers when his mouth is on your other breast. There’s something so consuming about the way he kisses your body, like he’s worshiping you. Like this is a lot more than roommates helping each other out. 
He works his way further down your body, kissing along your stomach, stopping at the waist band to your shorts. Thankfully, he doesn’t give you the chance to overthink here either before he pulls the shorts and underwear down your legs. Tosses them off to the side for good measure. You’re totally naked in front of someone you find you do actually trust. And someone that, yeah, maybe you’ve thought about fucking before. There was no reality where you thought it would happen, though. Even if it does make a lot of sense. Every part of you truly does feel safe with him. He knows you better than most people in your life. Which clearly translates to this part of you. 
Since you’re so comfortable, you’re finding it easier to not be embarrassed at the way he’s got you squirming under the barest touch. The way he ghosts his breath across your center makes you let out a whine. It’s unfair, the way that he wants to take his time like this. It’s also unfair that he’s the first person to ever make your mind go this blank during sex. Nothing exists to you outside of this moment and this man.
Wonwoo moves back to where you need him the most, blows gently against your center. The sensation sends a shiver down your body. You barely hear him mumble out a “so pretty” before he flattens his tongue and licks a stripe up your core. There’s just enough time to think this slow pace might actually be the death of you before he goes back in. Using his fingers to spread you apart, he starts tonguing your pussy. A mix of slow and deliberate movements with faster ones. His thumb circles your clit before his mouth moves up there to give it the attention it needs. 
With his mouth on your clit, he presses one finger into your pussy. You’ve never really thought much about his hands and now you’re wondering how you missed them. His long finger pumps in and out of you quickly. It seems that he’s reading your body and can tell that you don’t want something too slow. There’s so much pent up in you.
“Fuck, please, Wonwoo. I need another finger,” you whine. 
“Anything you want,” he mumbles into your pussy. 
He slides another finger inside of you and it makes you clench around him. That only seems to make him move faster. His mouth continues to work along with his fingers and your hands grip whatever they can reach. You’re a babbling mess and you suddenly understand what you overheard from Wonwoo’s room. There’s something so hot about knowing he’s this good with his mouth and his hands. It’s got you coming hard on his face. Harder than you can remember coming before. 
“That’s my girl,” he praises as soon as you’re coming down from your high. Your hazy brain doesn’t latch onto it the way it clearly should.
He presses a gentle kiss to your inner thing and then pulls himself up to lie next to you. His fingers trace patterns into your skin while he’s waiting for your breathing to come back to normal. 
“Jesus, I guess I know why I always heard so much praise through the wall,” you mutter. 
“None as pretty as the sounds you just made,” he says quietly. It’s so gentle, so intimate. There’s a lot of love between you and one of your closest friends, so you don’t dwell too much on it.
You turn your head to face him. His eyes are still dark with desire, fingers still keeping contact with your body. There’s like some kind of bubble around the two of you where nothing else exists. It’s a comfortable feeling, even in the quiet. Something pulls you in closer to him and you can feel his erection brush against your leg.
“Oh,” you say quietly. “You know, I’m still a bit pent up…”
“Are you sure?” he asks. 
“What? I’m gonna come on your face but we can’t actually fuck like we meant to?” you joke, a little braver than you feel. 
“This was about you, not about me,” he says simply. 
“It can be about both of us,” you say, hand running down his stomach. He tenses a bit under your touch and it’s unfair. He’s got perfect abs and you kind of hate it. Kind of hate that it’s so hot to you, too. 
You run your hand over the outline of his dick threw his shorts, enjoy the sharp intake of breath at the contact. It feels like a sign for you to keep going. But, he grabs your hand and pins it above your head. Kisses you hard and desperate. All of his restraint from before seems to be gone now. 
“Don’t play with me, sweetheart,” he warns. 
“Then show me how good you can fuck me. You were so sure earlier,” you press back. 
Wonwoo rolls over and pulls his shorts and boxers off. Casts them off to the side with your clothing. He reaches into his nightstand and pulls a condom out. He rolls back over to position himself between your legs. 
“One final time, are you sure?” he asks. It’s the first time since you came into his room that you’ve seen him look unsure.
“As long as you’re sure too, yes. I need this Nu, please,” you say, a little breathy with desire. 
“I love it when you call me that,” he admits. 
With your go ahead, he slides his tip along your entrance. You know you’re still wet from his hard work, but he still reaches into the dresser again. He pulls out some lube and runs it along his cock. Once he’s done that, he puts the cap back on and tosses it aside. He presses his tip against you again and this time slides in, slowly. Gives you a chance to adjust. 
You’re completely at Wonwoo’s mercy like this, with his arms on either side of you like he’s caging you in. Instead of wanting to get out, you can only think that you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Your hands find their way to his arms, gripping him tightly as he bottoms out in you. 
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he hisses. 
“Nu, fuck, please move,” you beg. 
“Give me a second, sweetheart, I’m trying to adjust so it doesn’t end too fast,” he says, voice so impossibly deep. 
“Please,” you beg again. 
“Fuck,” he whispers. 
It finally does get him to move though, barely pulling out at all and fucking slowly into you, so deep. He’s filling you up in the most perfect way. Your nails dig into his arms, but you can’t help it. He doesn’t seem to mind. If anything, it spurs him on. Makes him pull nearly all the way out of you before snapping hard into you again. He repositions one of your legs so that he can reach a different angle. With each hard thrust, his dick hits exactly where you need him to be. The rhythm is fast, which is really everything you need for how stressed you’ve been feeling. Each thrust uncoils more of the tension in your body. Each moan seems to spur him on more. 
When he leans down to kiss you, it’s messy. A clash of tongues and lips and teeth and need, so much need. Your hands find purchase anywhere on his body they can, even as his own arms seem to be a little shaky. So, you pull him down on top of you, bodies pressed tight as he continues fucking you. You’re still so sensitive from the first orgasm that you’re building up entirely too quickly. Even though you wanted it fast like this, you’re a little sorry to think it might be almost over. 
Wonwoo must feel that you’re close by the way you’re clenching around him and begging for him to give you everything. He pushes himself up a little, just creates the tiniest amount of space between your bodies, and you miss it a little. Miss the feeling of skin on skin. But, he’s only doing it so that he can circle your clit. He just wants to take care of all that tension. You give control over to him completely. Let him set the pace. An embarrassingly short time later, you’re coming for the second time. He removes his hand but still fucks you through the high. 
When your body stops shaking, you realize that he’s stilled inside you. He’s barely even moving as he looks down at you.
“It’s okay, Nu, I’m not that sensitive yet,”  you assure him
“Thank fuck,” he whispers. 
His pace is fast and you reach up to run your nails down his back. That seems to get him like nothing else does. When you do it a second time, he hisses out and you know he likes it. Each time your nails find a new part of his skin, his thrusts stutter. You clench your pussy around his cock and that’s all he can handle. He’s coming undone. 
You return the favor through his high, lightly keeping the rhythm going and helping him settle his weight on top of you. His breathing is still heavy when he meets your eyes and gives you the gentlest kiss. Slowly, he slides out of you and rolls over. The next second, he’s up to dispose of the condom. He disappears into the bathroom and returns with a wet washcloth a few moments later, sitting on the edge of the bed to help you.
“Well, I guess I learned one thing,” you say when he gets up to take the washcloth back to the bathroom.
“What’s that?” he calls over his shoulder.
“All that confidence was definitely warranted,” you say through a light laugh. 
You can just feel him rolling his eyes. “And here I thought you’d have less to say after a good fuck.” 
“Nope, chatty as ever. No more tension, though,” you say. 
“I’m glad,” he says, but it looks like he actually means it.
You move to get out of the bed and look at the sheets. Probably in need of a change. “Hey, do you wanna throw these in the hamper and just sleep in my bed tonight?” 
“Are you sure that doesn’t break any rules?” he asks.
“No, we’ve done it…are you teasing me?” Your question morphs in the middle when you catch sight of his face. He can be such a shit for someone who acts like he’s chill all the time. 
“I would never tease you,” he says, faux seriousness lacing his voice.
“That’s a shame, I like being teased,” you toss back.
“I’ll remember that for next time,” he shrugs.
“Next time?” you wonder.
“Just go get in your bed, I’ll be there in a minute,” he says. 
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It wasn’t like you agreed for sex with Wonwoo to be a one time thing. That felt like putting too many rules in place. Still, you’re not expecting it to happen again quite so quickly. You also genuinely didn’t realize he was home when you pulled out your vibrator. But, he was home and he barged into your room without knocking, pulled you to the edge of your bed, and fucked you hard. Made you wonder why you’d ever even consider using your vibe in the first place. 
The next time comes after another failed date. It kind of seemed like that was the recipe. Something goes wrong or you’re pent up and he’s there to let you use him. Although, he’s really using you just as much. You like to let him be a little rough with you. There’s something satisfying in the way he doesn’t treat you like he’s going to break you. It’s unquestionably the best sex you’ve ever had, but that’s your business. You don’t need to share that with the class. You do figure that it might be time to talk about some kinks and boundaries, though. It would be good to be on the same page. 
That seems to be how it goes for a while, at least. It’s mostly you needing something, Wonwoo being able to sense that, and helping you out. It doesn’t seem to ever start from him being the one to need something. He doesn’t even seem to be going out and bringing people home so much anymore. Not that you’re keeping track, you just can’t remember the last time he did. Or maybe he’s trying to only bring someone home when you’re not around. 
He definitely holds true to his promise to tease you. One night, after a really long week at work with a lot of little things going wrong, he asks if he can take his time with you. In hindsight, you should have known it meant that it was going to mean teasing. But, you agreed anyway, and let him set the pace. Instead of hard and fast, he takes everything slow. He brings you right to the edge over and over again without letting you have your release. It’s insane how well he seems to read your signs. It seems like he can tell you’re close before you can. That night, it feels like it goes on for hours before he finally lets you come. It’s the biggest mess you’ve ever made. A fact that you would be embarrassed about if Wonwoo hadn’t looked so proud. Still, it feels like you’re the one always working something out.
Until it doesn’t.
One night, you come back from a night out with friends and are rummaging through the cabinets looking for a snack. This is the thing you hate about living with Wonwoo. He’s taller than you and doesn’t think twice about using the higher cabinets. You, on the other hand, can’t reach them so easily. You’re on your tiptoes trying to reach something when you feel him press into your back. His hand comes up and grabs the box you were reaching for with ease. You press further back into him when your heels hit the floor again.
“Fuck, you’re driving me crazy,” he mumbles into your hair. His hands find a place on your hips, holding you against him. This feels different from how every other time has started. 
“What do you mean?” you ask quietly into the silence of the apartment. 
He lets one hand slide down, quickly meeting the bare skin of your thigh. You know your skirt is a little shorter than normal, but the night seemed to call for it. “This. Did you go out hoping to bring someone home?” 
“Maybe,” you say, shivering a little at the way his breath tickles your ear. 
“Are you trying to tease me?” he asks. It comes across almost like a demand. 
You wiggle your ass against him a little before you answer. “I would never.” 
“Of course not,” he says. 
Everything that happens after that feels different. It’s never started like this. It’s been passionate, but it’s never been driven by so much raw desire. It’s never been the kind of sex where Wonwoo pushes your skirt up around your hips and pulls your underwear down to your ankles. Never been the kind of sex where he buries his face in your pussy while you grip the counter for support. Never been so desperate and needy and rushed. 
He makes you come twice on his tongue with your knees going so weak that you can barely stand before he even moves onto actually fucking you. You’re so weak by the time you finish that he has to help you to the bathroom to clean up before he tucks you into your bed. You’re so tired that you don’t even realize how intimate it is when you ask him to get into bed with you. 
The disappointment that sets in when you wake up to get some water in the early hours of the morning hits you hard. Entirely too hard for something that’s supposed to be free of feelings. Your bed feels a little empty without him taking up space. Which is really stupid because it’s not like that’s been something you’ve been doing all of the time. It’s not something you’re used to. But, there’s an unexpected comfort in him. Something that catches you completely off guard. As you drift back off to sleep, you resolve to deal with your feelings in the morning. 
That’s how you find yourself sitting on Minghao’s couch as he makes you both a cup of tea. He hasn’t asked about your roommate yet, but you know that it’s coming. He just wants to have everything he thinks you’ll need first. A few minutes later, he sets two cups of tea down next to the plate of snacks he threw together. If you weren’t in such a crisis, you’d have time to be envious over how pretty the presentation looked. 
“So things with Wonwoo have gotten awkward?” he asks without preamble. 
“Jesus, Hao, let me take a sip first, at least,” you groan. 
“I don’t want to say that I told you this was a bad idea…” he starts.
“You were the one who spilled the beans that I thought he was hot. This is your fault too,” you point out. 
“I told him that he wasn’t alone in thinking his roommate was hot. I didn’t tell you both to start fucking without realizing it was bound to blow up,” he says. 
“I know,” you sigh. 
“So, what’s going on?” he asks. 
Minghao is a lot of things. He can be a bit of an art snob. He’s that kind of impeccably dressed where he looks like he just stepped off a runway. He can appear a bit detached. But, he’s also one of the most thoughtful people you know. He’s complex and he cares for his friends more than he cares for himself most times. Both you and Wonwoo are among those he counts as his closest friends. So, he just listens as you lay out everything that’s happened since the first time you had sex. He doesn’t judge or interrupt. Patiently, he just waits as you get it all off your chest, including how you felt after last night. 
None of that really comes as a surprise. You know that he’s going to give you shit and be there for you at the same time. What does come as a surprise is what he says when you’re done laying out your issues.
“I haven’t wanted to set you up because I wasn’t sure you were in the right place for it, but I actually have a friend that I think you might hit it off with,” he says. “He’d definitely get you out of this whole Wonwoo funk you’re in so things can go back to normal.” 
“You wanna set me up?” you ask, surprised. 
“Yeah, I think it’d be good for you,” he says. 
“Okay, tell me about him,” you agree.
“He’s really kind. Kind of talks in a permanent pout, but it’s endearing somehow. He’s a giant softie at heart and he’s so incredibly loyal. He’s been talking about how he’s looking for something a little more serious. I think you’d like him,” Minghao says. 
“What’s his name, Hao?” you ask skeptically.
“Mingyu,” he answers and your eyes go wide.
“Mingyu? As in that hot model you’re friends with?” you ask.
“Yeah,” Minghao says evenly.
“Okay, you can see if he’s interested,” you agree.
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It’s been a couple days since Minghao threw out the suggestion of setting you up with Mingyu. The two of you have exchanged a few messages and he does actually seem really nice. He’s also funnier than you expected him to be. When he asks if you want to get dinner the upcoming weekend, you find you’re a little bit excited. 
There’s only one issue. You feel like you need to tell Wonwoo. You know that he’s not going to care, but it still feels weird when you’ve been fucking around. Maybe Minghao was right and the whole thing was a terrible idea after all. It’s hard for you to tell him when you seem to keep missing each other, though. Lately, he’s been playing video games over at Vernon’s place more than normal. Even if they’re streaming, something feels weird. 
“Hey,” he calls out from the front door, snapping you from your thoughts. 
“Oh hey,” you answer, looking up at him. He doesn’t meet your eyes as he moves to head back to his room. “Everything okay?” 
He stops to look at you when you ask that question and his eyes still look a bit distant. “Yeah, fine. Why?” 
“I don’t know, you’re being short with me,” you say. 
He just shrugs. “I don’t have anything to say.” 
“Okay,” you say, drawing out the first syllable. “Well, I just wanted to tell you that Minghao set me up with his friend Mingyu and I was thinking I’d go out with him.” 
“You don’t have to tell me about your dates,” he says evenly.
“I just thought…” you start.
“We agreed,” he interjects. “Enjoy your date whenever you go.”
“Thanks,” you say quietly to his retreating figure. 
The whole point of agreeing to go out with Mingyu was to get things back to normal with Wonwoo. It was clear that you had gotten in over your head. Now, you’re wondering if things are going to be able to go back to normal at all. This isn’t your normal dynamic. You always shared stories about dates, hook-ups, anything and everything under the sun. Your other friends always said it was weird for the two of you and you just ignored them. Now, you feel like you’re in it alone. Maybe they’re right and it is weird.
Since it’s a little on the later side anyway, you decide to grab something from the kitchen and just head into your room. You can go to bed early and forget that whole conversation even happened. That’s probably for the best. It’ll be easier to get back to normal once you’re going on dates again. Once you stop fucking your roommate like you could have ever done that without forming some kind of feelings. 
It’s the middle of the night when you feel someone slide into bed around you. A familiar scent slips into your consciousness as an arm slides around your center. You nestle back into the chest and know for sure that it’s your roommate. The same man you’re trying hard to get over.
“What are you doing, Wonwoo?” you mumble in sleepiness. 
“Don’t go on the date with Mingyu,” he says. He sounds completely awake. 
“What?” you ask. Your brain is still foggy from sleep. 
“Don’t go out with anyone else,” he says. 
That makes you open your eyes as the words bounce around in your brain. You turn over to your other side so that you’re facing him. His hair is messy and all he’s wearing is a plain white t-shirt, but your heart still constricts a bit at the sight of him. 
“What do you want, Wonwoo?” you ask, voice thick with mental exhaustion.
“Exactly what I told you. I want you to turn Mingyu down,” he says.
“Why should I?” you challenge. 
“Because, well, we’ve got this…” he starts and fumbles over his words.
“We haven’t got anything. You’ve been avoiding me for days,” you point out. “Hell, I asked you to stay in bed with me after you fucked me in the kitchen and you couldn’t even make it til morning.” 
“I know, but I was scared that night because I realized I was starting to feel something,” he says. “And then Hao texted me to tell me he’d finally given your number to Mingyu…”
“Finally? What do you mean?” you asked.
“He’s been asking for your number for months,” Wonwoo says through somewhat gritted teeth. “So Minghao told me you’d agreed to be set up and I don’t know, I guess I just decided…”
“To avoid me?” you supply. 
“I didn’t know what to do. And I didn’t know how to process you not telling me,” he admits. 
“You weren’t around for me to tell you,” you point out. “We’ve been fucking. I wasn’t just gonna be like oh by the way, I’m going on a date.” 
“Please don’t go on a date with him,” Wonwoo asks again.
“I will consider not going if you can actually talk to me,” you say. 
“About what?” he asks. 
“Everything you’re feeling and why this whole let’s just be roommates that fuck was stupid,” you say. 
“Whatever you want, sweetheart,” he says immediately. 
You sigh, realizing that you’re not going to be able to go back to sleep, and send Wonwoo to the kitchen to get you something to drink. By the time he’s back, you’re sitting up in bed and ready to have an actual conversation. 
You stay up entirely too late talking about everything between the two of you. It’s a little hard to believe Wonwoo is so open with admitting how he feels. It’s harder to believe that Wonwoo knew he felt something for you before the very first time you had sex. In his mind, it was clear that he wasn’t just offering because the two of you were friends. He offered it as a way to gauge your own feelings. But, after that first time, he kind of figured it was just sex and tried to detach himself from it. That was when you started to feel something for him. 
When he’s done admitting his own mistakes and feelings, you figure that it’s time for you to own up to your own. It was really silly to just make up his side of the conversation about why he didn’t stay in bed with you that night. After all, the one thing you both stressed before sleeping together the first time was that you had to be honest in your communication. That’s what friends did and you were friends before anything else. As it turns out, you’re both way more on the same page than either of you realized. 
“You’re wrong about one thing, though,” you admit. 
“What’s that?” he asks.
“It was never just sex for me. I was totally done the first time you kissed me,” you share, picking at a thread on your comforter to avoid looking at him.
“I kissed you before we even had sex,” he points out, incredulous. 
“Yeah, turns out I’m not so good at the just friends who fuck thing,” you say with a shrug. 
“If I’d have known that was all it took, I’d have kissed you months ago,” Wonwoo grumbles.
That brings you up short. “Nu, just how long have you liked me?” 
“I don’t know, a while,” he says. 
You just shake your head at him before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “Just talk to me next time.” 
“Can we go back to having sex now? I miss the feel of you,” he whines out. “And the taste.” 
“We literally fucked less than a week ago,” you point out to try and avoid the way it makes heat pool. 
“I could taste you every day and never get sick of it,” he says without any embarrassment. 
“Are we really giving this a try?” you ask.
“Unless you don’t want to,” Wonwoo says.
“I do, I’m just scared. What if we try a relationship and it doesn’t work?” you ask. “You’re one of my best friends. I don’t wanna lose that.” 
Wonwoo reaches out to tilt your head up. “We’ll just promise to be honest with each other. We can figure this out together.”
“Okay,” you agree.
“So, we’re doing this?” he confirms.
“Yeah, we’re doing this.” 
Just like that, you agree to take a leap with the only person that you’ve always trusted to catch you every time you fall. It feels scary, but also completely natural. 
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i hope you enjoyed it! 💕
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sstrwbrryccke · 8 months
Text
— bullying him pt.3 | sub soobin
part 1 | part 2 | part 4
tags: loser!nerd!soobin x bully!mean!reader, gn reader, possessive reader, mentions of possessive acts, pet play slightly, dubcon, tons of public humiliation, public sex, bullying, mutual pinning with heavy denial, both are obsessed for each other, unhealthy relationships, reader is pretty sadistic, foot on crotch, exhibitionism, handjob, multiple orgasms, public fondling, fluff at end
tag: @zuzuhasablog
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you tapped an impatient foot on the ground, periodically checking your phone for the time. he was late by 2 minutes now, and you feel your irritation rise as you type snarky texts to him. how was it that you were the one who came early to the pity date? it was seriously ridiculous. shouldn’t he be on time to the date he looked forward to?
yn: where tf are you? loser: im sorry im sorry im so sorry im coming right now yn: im going to pull your hair out when i see you mutt. loser: im sorry please forgive me
if it turned out that he had stood you up, you were seriously going to rain hell on him. he’s going to get shoved into the locker, have his hair roughly grabbed and face thoroughly punched until he’s bloodied and bruised. though perhaps it wouldn't be that much of a punishment compared to your usual bedroom activities with him. he would probably enjoy the process too; as it meant all your attention was on him. you realised after a bit that he really was a desperate. masochistic. mutt. (or maybe he just craves your validation that badly)
just as you were cursing him out in your mind, you see a tall figure in the distance, stumbling and running towards you like the loser he is. you can tell he spots you as well because he quickly turns to the nearest reflective surface to fix his appearance and hair; even popping a mint in his mouth before running up to you. his face was pink, probably from the exercise— his plump lips pressing into an apologetic smile.
“sorry, i’m sorry i’m late.” he was slightly out of breath from running.
“sorry? fucking mutt. do you not respect my time? if you were any later i would’ve stood your ass up.” you shove him by the shoulder and he looks at you like a kicked dog.
he shakes his head profusely at your accusation, desperately trying to get back into your good favours.
“no— no! i’m, i, i’m so sorry. i respect your time, i’m so dumb i know.”
soobin degrades himself as he chews at his bottom lip, hoping he didn’t upset you enough for you to leave him. he had been thinking about this date all night, he could barely even get any sleep. if he messes up now he’ll never forgive himself!
“—you, you look amazing by the way.” he stammers, fingers fiddling with the hem of his sweater.
“i always look like this.” you deadpan, you didn’t bother to dress up more than you usually do in your school uniform. the most you did was pick out a simple, trendy outfit and brush your hair. bare minimum really.
“yeah you always look- i mean no, not that you don’t look amazing, always, because you do! but you look extra. amazing. compared to, usual…” he awkwardly stammers, making it worse for himself. he decides to just shut up before he embarrasses himself more and you ghost him.
“shut up and start walking, you loser.”
he follows behind you eagerly, glad you still want to hang out with him even after the most embarrassing stumble of his life. though to be honest, he stumbles like this quite a lot, and for some reason, you tolerate it (with only a few snide comments here and there). it was a few quiet seconds of walking, him being too afraid to speak up and you taking sly glances at him.
“why were you late?” you break the air, his head was lowered the entire walk, but he raises his head with your question. he was clearly nervous and sheepish as he averted his gaze.
“i… was picking an outfit.”
you give him a doubtful look and he continues, stuttering. “i— i didn’t know what style you liked. and… and i was trying to comply to your requests.”
ohhh... right, the request. you snicker to yourself. you forgot about that. it was just a small throwaway statement you texted him with no real thought behind it. you wanted to see if he would really follow through or not.
“so? show me.”
he’s nervous again, arms bracing himself as he glances around to check for people. soobin mentally hypes himself up before he pulls down his white turtleneck, showing you the silver collar around his neck. you cover your mouth with an audible pfft, laughing at him and he quickly rolls his turtleneck back up. god he was so foolish, but so obedient and cute.
“and? what about my other request?”
he looks at you wide eyed, stammering. “i, i can’t show you that!”
“did you do it?”
he blushes, hands clutching the edge of your hoodie, looking at you through his bangs. “please not here…”
he begs and you feel your heart soar. fuck, who taught him to act so cute? since when did the nerd know how to play sly? you clutch his crotch to feel for his cock and he silently whimpers.
“you didn’t wear any underwear, good boy.”
he trembles, moving away from your touch to look around, hoping no one caught you two. but his heart was in his throat and he was so excited about the praise you gave. so you liked what he did? he was over the moon. ‘good boy’, he repeated in his head. ‘good boy’.
it was unbearably adorable watching the cogs in his head malfunction, and you had to control yourself from ravaging him right here and there. you take the moment to appreciate his appearance, it was pretty obvious without him having to say so that he put a lot of effort into his outfit. he was wearing stylishly rimmed glasses, a jean jacket with a soft-lined collar, a white turtleneck and black pants. he also managed to get his hair under control, bangs carefully styled and curled.
you always thought he had looks, but this just proved how stunning he could look if he cleaned himself up. everyone else seems to agree too, and you notice the unsubtle glances thrown towards soobin. he stands out, tall and lean with a bunny-like charm. a few girls whispered and giggled, clearly blushing about him. but the attention twisted something dark in your chest, it grasped and dug its filthy nails into your heart. you wanted to lock him in your room and never let him see the light of day ever again. it was an insane thought process, deranged and unhinged. he wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a victim. you needed to get a grip.
you clutch his wrist tightly, pulling him along so he walks faster. he winces at the hold but lets you roughly handle him because it’s almost like you two are holding hands. he stares longingly at your hand and his, wishing you would interlock them again like you did yesterday. when you reach the mall, you watch with silent satisfaction as his eyes rake over the stores. there was a subtle pride you felt seeing him enjoy the choice you made.
“we have some time to kill before the restaurant reservation.”
he looks at you, eyes wide and plump lips smiling, you could almost see his irises sparkling. stupidly hopeful eyes. “you made a reservation for me?”
“don’t look at me like that. i just dont want to wait in line.”
he turns his gaze back to the front as you demand, but you can tell he is still giddy, ecstatic that you put even a sliver of effort into the date. it really didn't take much to satisfy him. even the slightest attention had him trembling. the two of you explore the mall, and naturally, soobin’s nerdy ass is drawn to the anime and manga stores. you tail behind him, mindlessly noting each thing he stares or geeks at.
while he was shuffling through the array of mangas, you pick out a shirt with a few familiar characters on it; you faintly remember soobin mentioning this show when you asked about his phone background. you tap him on the shoulder to get his attention, pointing to the shirt. “isn’t this your favourite anime?”
“oh! it’s limited edition!” he gasps out, excitement in his tone. taking the shirt from your grasp. his eyes widen in glee as he examines the details. the joy didn't last however, and soon he was putting the shirt back on the racks with a meek smile.
you raise an eyebrow “thought you liked it, nerd?”
he shyly looks at you, “yeah, but it’s too expensive.” he admits, clearly embarrassed. he feels like he was parading around his misfortune, look at this loser! no friends, no lover and now he doesn’t even have money. choi soobin, born on this earth and destined to be a loser.
“i’ll buy it for you.” your words cut through his thoughts. his cute hopeful eyes look up at you, and you interrupt him before he could utter out another word.
“but, you need to try it on for me first.” you continue, a pointed look on your face.
he pause for a second, the request was innocent enough, right?
☆★☆
he should’ve known, nothing was innocent with you. that's why he’s standing in the middle of the changing room with you sitting in the corner. a smirk on your lips.
“strip.”
he hesitates, but slowly shrugs off his jean jacket, he’s done this many times in front of you, and you’ve explored every nook and cranny his body can offer. but he never ceases to feel shy in his own skin, especially when you observe him like a collector would with a jewel. maybe its the setting that’s making him bashful, it feels borderline illegal to do such an act in the mall. even though many people have stripped down naked in the changing room, the way you make him feel is so sinful.
he takes off his turtleneck, exposing his bare chest, the silver collar complimenting his pale skin beautifully. it wasn’t much of a striptease and more of an activity he had to get over and done with, but it was still extremely arousing for you. watching him debase himself in his casual clothing. normally you only saw him in his school uniform (bruised, injured, crying, fucked out of his mind and all other similar variants), but watching him in his own clothing made you feel so much more powerful. like you had control and dominance over him even outside of school.
he awkwardly stands in the middle, half-naked. waiting for your next command. it didn't even take that much to train him! naturally so obedient.
“take off your pants too.”
he whimpers at this, clutching at his pants but not making a move. he begs you with his eyes, take pity on him please! not here!
“i’m… not wearing anything underneath”
“i know, take it off.”
“i, i, no, it’s.” he stammers, sweaty hands staining his pants.
“no? are you saying no to me?”
he shivers at your tone, nervously gulping. this didn't seem good at all. “i—!”his ears ring, reverberating in his chest. his right cheek was stinging red. “wh—“
you slap him again.
“mutts don’t talk.”
he shuts up at this, tears threatening to spill onto his glasses. you pull him forward by the silver collar and he helplessly stumbles as you tug him around. you observe the red slap marks on his cheeks, intertwined with his blush.
“you’ve been disrespectful since the beginning of the date. first you show up late and now you refuse to do something so simple? are you trying to make me mad choi soobin?”
he shakes his head desperately, a tear slipping down. he must be the lowest scum of the earth, because the rougher you treat him, the tighter his pants get. he isn’t a masochist he swears, but your attention (no matter good or bad) on him feels so good. he was so touch and attention starved, desperate for any kind of recognition from you.
“i’ll only repeat myself once, strip.”
he stumbles up, shaky hands quickly peeling his pants off his legs. his already hard cock embarrassingly erect and dripping the moment it’s exposed.
“look at that.” you coo, slapping his dick, making precum drip to the floor as he cries. “pretending to be so shy and innocent while you’re sporting a rock hard boner.”
he snivels pathetically, shaking his head and making his hair tousle around. the silver collar glints like a gem in the light. you chuckle cruelly. “okay, put your limited edition shirt on now.”
he bites back a whimper, he wanted you to touch him so bad. but he obediently slips on the shirt, it feels so dull against his skin, barely covering his cock. soobin rubs his thighs together, now more interested in you rather than the shirt. he wanted you to adore and spoil him, hell, spank him and hurt him too— just anything!
as if you read his mind, your hand reaches out, before you could even touch him, he starts trembling. you pull back with an amused smile and he immediately begins to cry and beg.
“no— no please touch me please touch me i’m sorry, i, i wanna, i wanna be good for you please!”
“bunny can’t even keep quiet?” you tease, putting your hands behind your back and he whines. the nickname thumping in his heart.
he starts again, though this time he tries to control his voice, suddenly aware that you two were still in public— only hidden away by a thin curtain. his bottom lip quivers as he moves closer to you, fingers meekly reaching out to grasp your hoodie. he leans his head on your chest and a small weak whisper escapes his pink lips.
“you already own me… so please just touch me…”
a shiver runs down your spine, holy shit this was dangerous. playing sly at first and now coy? he had an effect on you that you weren’t sure you liked. “i get it already so shut up and come here.” you lowly groan, pulling his body flush against yours. he tremors out a whine as you roughly grab his cock. he couldn’t complain though, because your warm hands were embracing him and touching him exactly where he wants. he melts in your hold, face comfortably nestled in the crook of your neck as you played with his cock. his groans and whines die down in your shoulder, and the way you thumbed his slit was almost domestic.
fuck what was this pathetic man doing to you? here you are in the changing rooms, letting this loser hug and sniffle into your shoulder as you jerk him off. the whole situation was bizarre and you were starting to feel lightheaded. weren't he supposed to be the one servicing you?
you press down on his cockhead particularly hard and he cries into your neck, biting the collar of your hoodie as you slide his cock underneath the limited edition shirt, rubbing him with the friction of the fabric. this sets him off, the motion just felt way too good, he keens into your fist, panting into your shoulder as he holds your hoodie tightly.
it was taking a little more than usual to make him orgasm, normally you would describe his orgasm speed as 'embarrassingly fast', but he seemed to be holding out for some reason. you give his cock an experimental squeeze and he just digs his face into your neck more. then it hits you, you haven’t given him permission yet. could he have been waiting for your verbal confirmation? maybe that's why he was squinting his eyes so tightly and biting down on your collar. just the thought itself sparked heat in your lower regions. it satisfied you more than you would like to admit.
so you lean down to where he was tucked, breath touching his ear.
“come for me”
it was a simple test on a guinea pig, cause and effect.
you eye him down as his body quivers, face flushing a thousand shades of red with an embarrassing amount of saliva wetting your hoodie collar. right after the command he releases, cock jittery and shaky as it spurts out come into the limited edition shirt. he finally lets go of your hoodie, taking a second to gain back his strength. when he comes to clarity, you can see the panic set in his throat. staring at the ruined limited edition shirt.
"what do we do? it's dirty now!"
"we buy it, what else?"
he hesitates and you raise a brow. "but, the, cashier she might, see this."
he vaguely gestures to the come stain on the shirt, right above his now flaccid cock.
"so? hurry up and change."
soobin seems troubled at your nonchalant response, but changes back to his outfit as you asked, timidly holding the ruined limited edition shirt. you shove the dollar bills in his hand.
"go up to the cashier, and pay."
somehow he summons up the courage to walk up to the counter, trying to ignore the feeling of his dick making contact with the rough jean fabric each time he took a step. it was all smooth at first, he let the cashier scan the item (making sure the stained patch was hidden), paid with the cash and felt the relief of freedom just as the cashier took the shirt to bag.
only for her to pause, soobin feels his palms clamber with sweat. she was staring at the shirt, an unreadable expression on her face before her eyes meet back with his.
"sir, it seems this shirt is stained."
god please just strike him down already.
"oh." he feels so dumb, only able to let out a sound in response. his tongue wasn't cooperating, how was he going to explain? what could he say? what should he say?
"ugh," the sound of exasperation makes him jolt. she's disgusted. she's definitely disgusted and he can never show his face in this store again.
"—it seems like the only one in stock. i'm so sorry for that sir."
she still doesn't know a thing. his heart was threatening to jump out of his throat. "it's, it's alright." his words came out weaker than he would've liked.
"are you sure si—"
"yes! yes! please give me that!" he couldn't help his sudden outburst, snatching the item from the poor lady's hands and running off in the opposite direction. he was dying from humiliation and his feet carried him like the wind over to you. he bit back tears as he faced you, bashfully showing you the receipt. it was times like this when he wishes he wasn't so tall, it would be so much easier to hide away in shame.
"what happened?" your introspective voice came through, he could hear your smirk.
"she saw the stain" he had to use all his willpower not to cry, hands clutching onto the shirt tightly. it was humiliating to admit, but a small part of him felt relief in his confession— as if the natural progression was for you to give him comfort and ease his anxieties.
"look at you soobin, so embarrassed and ashamed of your come stained shirt." you coo in your familiarly condescending yet comforting tone and he folds, nodding in agreement, tears brimming in his eyes. you rub his cheek, which was still red from the slap. it was such a surprisingly caring act that surprised both you and him, but he melted into your touch like it was the most natural thing in the world.
"you were so obedient bunny, let's go to the restaurant." he dumbly bobbed his head at the nickname. all he could think was how the humiliation was so worth the reward.
☆★☆
the cafe was packed, but it wasn't a big problem in the private booth. you tap your finger on the counter as you watch soobin go through the menu for the fifth time now. indecisive was his middle name.
"hurry up."
"what do you want?"
he's asked this for a millionth time now, could he really not decide without your input? the waiter has been standing there for a good minute. "dude, just choose what you want already. i'm getting impatient."
he purses his lips in clear panic, pointing to a random food item on the menu. "i'll, i'll have this!"
"an extra spicy jjamppong coming up." the waiter escapes quickly, leaving soobin with an exasperated and intimidated expression after having his order read out for him.
"what? loser can't handle spice?" you tease. he looks at you with a frown.
"i can eat spice!"
"right." the conversation ends there, but you weren't just going to just let him off like that. the table was so nicely set up after all, such a thick tablecloth.
"soobin, pull down your pants."
he immediately widens his eyes, looking around rapidly to see if anyone heard. "i, i don't know i,"
"calm down, no one can see under the tablecloth. pull it down." you rest your foot on his inner thigh, signalling to him. he lets out a shaky breath. your grin broadens as his hands travel down, shuffling his pants down to his knees. still paranoid, he takes another glance at the other customers.
you focus on something else entirely, your trailing foot to his exposed crotch to be exact. when the leather of your soles makes impact with his naked cock he wails before slapping a hand over his mouth. his thighs instinctively clamp around your foot, shivering and shaking his head. "mean, you're mean."
his bottom lip was quivering, thighs still clamped tightly as you pressed your foot down harder. "please." he whispers.
"hm?"
"please please ple—"
"here's your orders." the waiter interrupts with both of your orders, soobin glances at the man with terrified eyes, looking over at you in a silent prayer.
you smile graciously (you press harder on his cock) as you take the plates (his thighs shake and you rub your foot ever so slightly), what a nice waiter, of course, you had to start a conversation! (he tried to control his panting but his face was a scarlet red), turns out the waiter was born in japan, how very interesting (you start going in a circular motion and soobin nearly keens), his father met his mother during a road trip! (you knew from his expression that he was already leaking onto your shoes), wow and he's fluent in three languages (soobin's thighs are spasming and you were rubbing him hard, you can tell he couldn't hold it in anytime soon).
"it all started when i encountered a multilingual tourist as a child."
the conversation was a little redundant now, wasn't it? you were talking to the waiter, yet staring intensely at soobin in the eyes, a snicker on your lips. "come again?" you press down, and his body shudders, thighs so tightly squeezed around your foot it could almost cut circulation, he was curled in ever so slightly. shivering in the aftereffects of his second orgasm today.
"huh?" the confused tone of the waiter piques.
"nevermind, thank you for your time."
the waiter leaves, slightly befuddled by the conversation. while you turn your attention back to soobin who is breathing heavily with red-tinted cheeks. "wow, orgasming in a public space again, what a perv."
the words hit him hard in his chest and tears drop from his eyes, he could only let out a small 'sorry' in shame before dropping his head down. his sleeves come up to desperately wipe at his eyes and save some face, at least it was all over now and he could enjoy his meal in peace, hopefully!
"can... can i pull my pants back up now?"
"hmm can you?" you tease, and he pauses, unsure of how to approach the situation.
"can i please?" some begging would do the trick, right?
"you can if you jerk yourself off."
he pouts, and more tears drop on the table as he squeezes his thighs around your foot. but he obediently slides his hands down to try and make himself hard again. his cock was so so so sensitive to the sensation, but limp in his hands. it hurts to stroke, it hurts to touch. the longer it took for him to get it up the more he frowned and panicked.
finally, you had enough, you were just playing with him anyway, so you slide your foot off with a chuckle. he looks at you in confusion. "i was joking dumbass, put your pants back on."
you dig into your food, and soobin follows suit right after he shuffles his pants back on, looking up at you hesitantly. though the moment the food touched his tongue, all he could think was—spicy! now he was crying for an entirely different reason, he was never the strongest spice contender, and this was another league of spice.
you notice his discomfort, laughing when he ducks his head down. "too spicy?" "no..." he responds, surprisingly stubborn on this matter. he pettily eats another spoonful of noodles (swiftly to regret it). you just roll your eyes, watching him eat in amusement.
☆★☆
the date ended smoothly after, nothing else notable happened (other than some pervy touches and teasing from your side), back at your room again (it was a common occurrence for the two of you to stay in your room, he told you once he didn't enjoy staying in his home).
you flopped onto your bed while soobin shuffled in, putting his things neatly to the side and closing the door behind him. he stared at you as you typed messages to your friends (they had been filling up your notifications all day because you were ignoring them), he awkwardly stood near the foot of the bed.
"uhm, i, thank you, for today. i had fun." he starts bashfully.
"so you don't have fun with me every other day?" you deadpan and he stutters, being caught off guard.
"n—no that's, not what i—"
"i wasn't serious, idiot."
he shuts his mouth quickly, silent again and unsure of how to start up another conversation.
"god you're such a loser. look in that bag over there." you break the air, pointing to a grey bag you had been carrying for the whole day. he was curious about it but wasn't brave enough to ask. so when you gave him the go-ahead he didn't hesitate to dig his hand in. when he pulled out a box containing a figurine from his favourite anime, clear confusion was evident in his face.
"i didn't know you liked—"
"no shithead it's for you."
his mouth drops open, bunny-like eyes widening as your words start to register in his head. instantly he lights up visibly, smiling uncontrollably as he admires the figurine in his hands. it wasn't anything crazy, was rather affordable compared to the prices of other figurines, but soobin's heart soared at the gift and he felt like he was on cloud nine. you didn't pay attention to his reaction, or that's how it seemed, because you were secretly staring at every differing expression on his face.
"thank you... i, thank you so much..."
"it's not even a big deal, you're so dramatic."
but it was a big deal for soobin, he tenderly held the gift in his hands. this was the first time he's gotten anything from anyone other than his parents and occasionally aunt and uncle. it really did feel like the two of you were dating, even if nothing is official and the most accurate label on the relationship was 'bully and victim'.
"can i unwrap it?"
"i don't care."
he slowly unwraps the gift, taking the figurine out of the box carefully as he begins to admire all the details of the sculpture. you, on the other hand, admire him, no matter how much you deny it, there was something so addicting about both his happiness and pain. it hooked you on like a drug.
"sleep over."
he knew what you meant, in a seemingly harmless phrase. it often happened like this, an insignificant and passing statement. strange in retrospect, you were his bully and the door was right there, if soobin wanted to, he could make a run for it.
but the both of you knew he wouldn't. your attention was almost an obsession to him, no matter how good or bad.
"okay."
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cr4yolaas · 2 months
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every year, with you — kageyama tobio
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content: timeskip tobio, established relationship, self indulgent, fem reader, angst if you squint but mostly fluff, not proofread
note: happy bday to me !! i’m not celebrating irl, so this is my way of appreciating the day :) (p.s. mezzo forte will be updated eventually — i unfortunately don’t have the energy for anything more than this rn 😓)
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tobio doesn’t usually celebrate his birthday.
he isn’t attracted to the notion of a sweet sixteen, nor does he find the idea of bar hopping at twenty one appealing. he’s content with whatever is below the bare minimum — quick greetings, maybe one small gift, and a normal day. that’s all he needs.
as such, he doesn’t find it necessary to do much for his friends’ birthdays. he’ll usually purchase something small, like a plushy or a gift card. it’s simple. it’s easy.
but with you, his routine shifts. he marks down your birth date on his phone as soon as he catches wind of it, and in the weeks leading up to the day, it fails to slip his mind. he wants to do something more than simple, something more than easy.
after all, he thinks you deserve more than that.
if you were to peer into his notes app and figure out the password for a locked note with an ambiguous title, you’d find a list of everything you’ve ever mentioned — the show you watched religiously for two months straight, a clothing collaboration you were particularly excited for, the animated character whose merchandise is littered throughout your bedroom — all neatly listed for him to remember. the contents vary; some items are specific, like the shade of the lip tint you searched up a week ago, and others are vague, like ‘silly white mouse with big round eyes.’
tobio finds that, when it comes to you, he wants to give you the world. he wants to cradle you gently in his arms, as if you’re the most important figure in the world (to him, you are). he wants to make your special day just that — special.
the summer heat pierces through your air conditioning, even in the middle of night. your boyfriend has yet to return home, presumably preoccupied with volleyball practice, and you decide that tomorrow you’ll greet him with extra kisses as a reward for working so hard.
but as soon as your hand flicks the lights off, the front door squeaks open. you’re silent. soft footsteps thump against the floor, and if you listen hard enough, you can hear tobio’s heavy breathing in the kitchen. your rationality overpowers whatever yearning has festered within your heart throughout the day during his absence. a soft wave of quietude washes over you as you lay down, opting to wait for him to come to you when he’s ready.
it comes sooner than later, however. tobio slowly opens the door to your shared bedroom, assuming you’re fast asleep given the time. he’s a little startled to find you awake.
“i got you something,” he whispers against your forehead. he doesn’t realize you just laid down — he’s quiet, as if there’s sleep riddled in your system. but there isn’t. he doesn’t know that. and yet, he’s still careful in his movements. his hands reach to brush away hair from your eyes, and his lips ghost against your skin as he stamps his affections onto your flesh.
he slips away for a moment to carry something up onto the bed. it weighs heavy in his hands, although you can’t quite make out what it is in the dark of the room. “well, it’s a lot of somethings,” he muses while he reaches around for the bedside lamp. when the warm light floods the bed, you see it — a gift basket, overfilled with everything you could possibly like. you look at tobio and find his ears dusted with pink and his eyes cast aside. “i wasn’t sure specifically what to get you. so… i got a lot of different things, in hopes that you’d like at least one of them.”
it’s hard not to laugh at him (endearingly, of course). “tobio, you put all of my favorite things in here. i’m not sure why i wouldn’t like it.”
his lips, albeit chapped from his troubles of the day, curl up into a smitten smile. “there’s more, by the way. it just didn’t fit into the basket. and i’m way too tired to bring everything here right now,” he speaks as he curls up on his side of the bed. his athletic wear clings to his muscles from the coalescence of sweat on his skin, but nonetheless, he finds himself clinging to you. the gift basket sits on the table beside you, and in the morning when you arise, you’ll thank him for it, again, but with a little more energy.
“happy birthday,” tobio mutters into your shoulder. he looks like a sleepy baby. “i love you.”
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494 notes · View notes
bookyeom · 3 months
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to care for you — lc
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pairing: dino x reader word count: 4.4k warnings: mention of blood and injuries, mention of fainting, swearing, hurt and comfort, kissing request prompt: Okay so tumblr ate my ask 😭 but this is in response to @darkypooo’s request for Dino + “do you want to kiss?” “Yeah.”
Author’s Note: Yes, this is a Spiderman AU — but you don’t need to know much other than the bare minimum about the Spiderman universe to understand the story :) It’s set in college instead of high school, though. I’m actually so, so proud of this one, and I hope you like it!
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Thanks so much for all the support on my 700 follower celebration. You guys rock! I’m doing my best to get through the requests, but there were way more than I anticipated so bear with me!
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He‘s exhausted. 
It’s an exhaustion that’s begun to seep deep into his bones lately, but it feels extra heavy tonight. After a not-so-brief brush-up with some bad guys, he’s hurting in places that he didn’t know existed — even after all of his years spent studying science. He can’t remember the last time he got this hurt — to the point where even breathing is hard. All he wants to do right now is give up. He’s not sure what good he’s doing out there, anyway.
He’s exhausted, and he’s hurting all over, and honestly? All he wants to do is see you. 
He feels like that a lot these days.
He knows he’s not supposed to want you like he does, to need you like he does — for so many reasons. First and foremost, because you’re one of his closest friends — his confidante (in everything not Spiderman related, anyway), his safe place. You’re his friend, and friends aren’t supposed to love each other the way he loves you. Besides, he’s Spiderman. He’s not supposed to need anyone at all. In this line of business, feelings are a weakness.
You, thankfully, have no clue about his alter ego… or his feelings.
Well, at least you didn’t know about the superhero part. Until now, when he drags himself into his room and you’re there, curled up in his bed. He thinks he must be hallucinating. He’s too out of it to really register it at first, but then your eyes meet his from where you’re sitting up against his headboard, duvet pulled up to your chin, and he’s frozen. You blink back at him in the dim light of his room, your face lit up solely by the lamp on his bedside table.
“Chan?”
Your voice is small — so quiet that he thinks without his heightened senses he wouldn’t have been able to hear it. He can’t think straight enough to really process that his mask is off — he must have dropped it somewhere between the living room and here. All he can register before he’s stumbled back and slumped into his desk chair, eyes screwed shut from all the pain, is that you don’t look nearly as scared as he thought you would. Then everything goes black.
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There’s a warm pressure against his jaw and his cheeks. 
He slowly comes to as he registers the feeling, struggling to open his eyes and find the source of the sensation. He can hear a faint voice call his name, once, twice, and when his eyes finally manage to flutter open just a little, he’s met with your concerned gaze.
“Fuck. Hi,” you mumble, and he blinks. The pure worry in your voice helps to bring him back to earth a little bit more, and he tries desperately to clear his head. How long was he out?
“Why…” He tries to speak but fails, his voice weak and his throat hoarse. 
Why are you here? 
He sees you wince when he tries to move, to shift into a more comfortable position even though he knows nothing will be comfortable right now, and your head is suddenly shaking back and forth so fast that it almost gives him whiplash.
“Don’t move,” you tell him, and he dazedly wonders why you don’t sound mad. Or frustrated. Or anything but concerned, really. He’s confused, his mind swirling even more as he tries to understand why your hands are holding his face like that. Hadn’t he kept things a secret from you for far too long to warrant your concern? Don’t you hate him now?
“I don’t know what’s going on,” you say, and Chan fights the urge to try and speak again, to blurt out everything that he’s wanted to tell you since he met you. Oblivious to his inner turmoil, you hastily continue, “but you have to tell me how to help you, Chan.”
His eyes flutter shut once more at the sound of his name coming from your lips, and he feels your thumb brush against his jaw. 
“Chan,” you say again, and you sound more panicked this time, so he does his best to calm you down. 
“Off.”
You blink at him again as he finally speaks. You’re not sure what he means, and you’re desperate to know, because you can’t look at him in pain like this any longer without doing something to help.
“Off,” he repeats hoarsely, and your eyes widen as you hastily remove your hands from his face.
“Shit, sorry!” Your eyes frantically wander across his face, searching for any damage your fingers might have caused. “I don’t know where you’re hurting, I didn’t mean to—“
As you babble on, all he can do is shake his head minutely. That’s not what he meant. The last thing he wanted right now was for you to take your hands off of him. He manages to lift a hand to press gently against his side, where a dark stain has formed. He glances down at where the material is clinging to his skin before looking back up at you. 
“Oh!” You reply, realization dawning on your face. You try to hide the flush of your cheeks. “Can you stand up to move to the bed so I can help? If not, I can—“
Already, he’s attempting to move, desperate to make any of this easier for you. He wants to apologize, to say he’s sorry, but he doesn’t know exactly what for. For not telling you? For you having to see him like this? 
You help him stand, his arm reaching to rest on your shoulders as you do. You can tell he’s trying not to hurt you with his weight, and you almost laugh — how very Chan of him. You’re grateful that in the shock of survival mode, you’ve managed to avoid for now the way you know your heart is going to break when you register seeing soft, kind, selfless Chan beaten down like this. 
Cry tomorrow, is the message your brain is sending. Figure it out tomorrow. Right now, you need to help him.
“I’m strong,” you try to joke, though it’s a weak attempt, and Chan looks at you in confusion. “You can put your weight on me,” you elaborate quietly. He understands and gives you a sheepish smile, before doing as told, though you know he doesn’t want to. 
The two of you maneuver the few steps to the edge of his bed. Chan hisses involuntarily at the pain as he sits down, and you whisper soft apologies, though he has no idea why. Once he’s down, you immediately get to work, reaching behind him to find the zipper at the top of his suit. You manage to get it down as smoothly as possible, your eyes falling to where Chan is still clutching at his side.
“This part is going to hurt like a bitch,” you tell him softly.
“That’s okay,” he says. “It always does.”
You freeze for a moment from where you were about to begin to slide the suit off of his shoulders, but Chan doesn’t seem to realize what he’s said. You feel a sharp pain in your chest as his words replay, and you blink back tears, taking a moment to steel yourself. 
It always hurts.
You don’t respond, your fingers beginning to move again, and you’re surprised that they’re not shaking. Chan shivers when your fingers brush against his skin as you begin to slide the suit over his arms and off. You ease him out of the material on his uninjured side first, before coming around to the front of him and crouching down. You meet his eyes, his brown ones clouded over with pain, and your fingers gently reach to rest on top of his hand that’s still clutching his side. You give it a squeeze and he nods in understanding, closing his eyes tight, and you help him remove his fingers from the wound. You stand back up, and begin to pull the rest of the suit down his side and to his waist. Chan barely lets out so much as a whimper when you peel the rest of the material off of him. 
His lack of reaction is not what surprises you the most, though. The biggest surprise comes when you reach the spot on his side where you know a sickening amount of blood should be, and you find that it’s all dried — and that the wound has already begun to heal over. 
Huh?
Your brain can’t compute it. You glance up at him in complete confusion, but his head is hung low, and your heart breaks enough to distract you from all of the questions you want to ask. You force yourself to push the confusing mess of thoughts away until later. You can’t think about any of that right now. You can’t. 
“Chan?” Is what you say instead, knowing that you need to keep him awake enough to help him clean up, long enough to know he’s alright. Your hands are on his knees as you kneel between his legs and peer up at him. You have to stop yourself from reaching out to trace the newly-forming scars on his chest and arms, wanting nothing more than to kiss each mark and its associated pain away. You desperately want to know what happened, who hurt him like this, but you’re not sure you can handle it. You briefly register the older, faded scars that mark his skin, unsure of where they end and the new ones begin. 
You can’t figure it out — in front of you sits Chan, but it can’t be the Chan you know. It can’t be the one who giggles at your stupid jokes or falls asleep in your 8am lectures, or the one who remembers your coffee order every single time. The one who you swore had never fought with anyone in his life. The Chan in front of you looks so broken that you can’t put the two of them together. 
“You… okay?”
Your eyes shoot up to meet his again as he speaks, voice cracking and hoarse. Your heart stutters a bit in your chest as he attempts to look down at you, his eyes hooded over and half closed with the effort. He looks like he’s about to fall over, and still, he’s asking if you’re okay.
You’re hit so hard with sudden emotion that it causes you to inhale sharply without warning. Your hand lifts involuntarily to brush his hair back from where it’s falling into his eyes, and as he continues to try and hold your gaze, you register it all. This Chan is still your Chan. It’s the same Chan that has stirred feelings inside your chest that you were certain you could never feel again. The Chan whose intelligence and kindness still astounds you every single day. This Chan and your Chan are the same.
Your head spins.
When you finally make it to the bathroom, it’s all Chan can do to slouch down onto his bathroom floor. You help him out of the rest of his suit before crouching down beside him, wracking your brain for everything you’ve ever learned about cleaning wounds. You remain numb as he gives you single-word answers to where things are in his bathroom. It’s funny — you’ve been in his apartment so many times, but you’ve never needed to know where the antiseptic was. 
Chan’s eyes remain half-open as you work. He’s fighting with all his might, you can tell, and you can feel his eyes on you the whole time. You don’t think his gaze leaves you even once. It becomes monotonous: you clean the cut, he winces, you apologize. And repeat. Your mind wanders in what you’re sure is an attempt to protect yourself.
You’d come over tonight for your weekly movie night, letting yourself in with the code you’d long since been given access to. When hours had passed with no sign of Chan and no texts from him either, your heart had broken a little — had he forgotten? Was he okay? It was so unlike him that you’d stayed just in case, your heart racing with every little noise as you waited. 
You hate so much that your worst fears had come true.
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Chan’s pain seems to ease in record time, bruises forming on his skin faster than you’ve ever seen. You have so many questions, but you push it all down, down, down. He falls asleep on his couch and you stay up all night, blanket pulled around your shoulders as you sit on the windowsill and make sure he’s still breathing. 
He wakes as the sun is beginning to rise, and you watch as he shifts to sit up, letting out a breath of what sounds like relief when he’s able to move without much trouble. Some of the cuts on his face and chest are already scabbed over. 
How?
When his eyes finally land on you, he jumps a little.
“Hi.”
”You didn’t sleep.”
It’s an observation rather than a question. You pull your knees up and rest your chin on them. “I was worried.”
It’s quiet, and he doesn’t know what to say. Neither do you.
“Well,” he clears his throat. “I’m glad you stayed.”
“Yeah.” Your voice is small, and he immediately feels guilty.
“I’m sorry.” He’s not sure what he expects you to do, what he expects you to say. You level him with your gaze, searching his face. Your eyes linger on the scabbed-over cut just above his brow, and you bite your lip before you speak again.
“It was…” You can feel your lower lip start to tremble in an act of betrayal, and you bite down on it to try and stop yourself from crying. “It was terrifying to see you like that, Chan,” you finally manage, and you know that after all these hours, the dam is about to break. You can tell he knows it, too, by the way his brows furrow even more, and his eyes widen just slightly.
“I know,” he murmurs, and that’s what does it.
Your hands move to cover your face as you finally let yourself cry, sobs muffled by your palms. You can hear the couch creak as Chan moves, and you can feel his presence as soon as he’s close. He whispers your name once, his voice breaking, and when he moves your hands away from your face, you don’t have the strength to stop him. He’s sitting next to you on the windowsill now. You sniffle, eyes looking anywhere but at him. Chan holds onto your wrists, rubbing gentle circles against the skin. 
“I’m so mad at you,” you finally say, and he lets go of your hands. He doesn’t retreat to his side of the window though, staying put as he nods, chewing on his bottom lip as he looks down.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,” he says, voice quiet. “I hope you understand why I couldn’t… but you still have every right to be pissed at me.”
It’s silent, and you stare at him in disbelief. There are so many thoughts running through your head, and it takes you a moment to settle on just one. “You think I’m mad because you didn’t tell me that you were Spiderman?” You finally say, causing him to look at you again in surprise.
“I mean, yeah? Why else—“
“I’m mad,” you emphasize, “because you’re out there getting hurt, and my heart literally can’t take the thought of that, oh my god, Chan.” Your voice breaks, and fuck, you’re about to cry again, but you can’t stop. Your eyes trace over his face, pausing where the bruise is starting to form on his cheek, and you feel frustration begin to build again as you angrily blink back tears. “What the fuck, Chan. Why the hell are you… I mean, if I hadn’t been able to help you last night, I wouldn’t — I just, I can’t even imagine—“
Your words are cut off as Chan’s hands find the side of your face. His gaze is firm as he looks at you, and his sudden boldness catches you off guard, your words dying in your throat. Once he seems to realize that you’re not going to run, his thumb moves to caress your jaw, and you can’t help the shiver that spreads through you at the gentle touch. Your hands lift to rest on his arms where they’re holding you, and you’re speechless, your eyes unable to leave his. He takes in a deep breath, and you follow.
“I’m here,” he says, and you draw in another shaky breath. You don’t think he’s ever been this forward with you before, but you’re grateful for it. He’s warm, and he’s here. He’s alive.You’re torn between wanting to never leave his side again, and needing desperately to be away from him so that you can think.
“I think it might be good for me to go now that I know you’re okay,” you say softly after a moment, and you can see the hurt that briefly shadows his eyes. It’s gone as quickly as it comes, though, and he nods, removing his hands from your face. 
“I understand.”
“And I… I probably need some time.”
He nods again, and your heart breaks at the thought of leaving him, but you have to. For now. Your feet feel leaden as you get up, going through the motions as you grab your backpack from the hook by his door. You barely register putting on your shoes, your mind on autopilot until it’s broken by his voice from just behind you.
“Y/N?”
Your name coming from his lips feels like a punch to the gut, and you almost reach out for him again, but you hold firm.
”Yeah?”
“I’m sorry. Can you just…” he sucks in a breath. “Can you please not tell anyone? About, you know—”
His words hit like a ton of bricks. You cut him off, expression full of silent fury at the insinuation. “Yeah. I won’t.” 
You’re pissed that he even had to ask, and he knows it, but there’s nothing else he can do. His secret is more important than anything — he just wishes it didn’t have to be more important than you. 
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It takes three days for you to end up back at his door. He’s missed all of your shared college courses so far this week, and you’re worried. You’re terrified, actually, and you need to see him.
When he opens the door, you do a double take. It’s almost like nothing happened to him at all. The bruises and cuts are barely-there, and you’re reminded of the miles-long list of questions you have stored in the back of your brain. He’s surprised to see you, you can tell, and he blinks slowly before stepping aside to let you in.
“How are you?” You level him with raised eyebrows as you take off your shoes, and he nods, biting his lip. “Yeah, I know. I was worried that—“
“I didn’t tell anyone,” you interrupt. “Don’t worry.” You look down, your heart twisting painfully in your chest when you remember the words he’d said to you. ‘Can you please not tell anyone?’ You cross your arms as you head over to the living room, but you don’t sit down. You don’t really know what your plan had been — you’d just needed to see him. 
“Oh,” comes his soft reply before he adds, “I mean… I didn’t really think that you would.”
Your eyes briefly meet his across the room, confused, before you recover and look back down at the floor. “So then what were you worried about?”
You can feel his gaze intent on your face. “You.”
Your breath catches and your eyes swiftly meet his again. You blink. “Me?”
“Yeah.”
“Chan,” you say after a moment, trying to push down the bubble of irritation you feel building in your chest. “You didn’t even text me once.”
He’s quiet for a moment before he says quietly, “You said that you needed time.”
“To process, yes! But you didn’t even text me that you were okay. I was worried about you, Chan. Why would you be worried about me? I’m not the one coming through your window and fainting from injury, now am I?”
You can see the guilt flicker across his face. “I know,” he says, and then he suddenly feels the need to apologize again. “I’m sorry that I didn’t message you, but I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.” He pauses. “Ever again, maybe.”
You can hear the sadness in his voice, and your heart breaks. You feel the anger in you start to dissipate as he looks away from you. Your eyes catch on the barely-there faded scar across his eyebrow, and your mind is filled with painful memories of the Chan you’d seen that night. 
“You’re so fucking stupid, Chan.” 
He knows. But judging by the way you sit down on his couch instead of storming out again, he thinks that somehow, his stupidity has already been forgiven. 
It’s quiet as he joins you. You can feel him looking at you, and when you can’t take it anymore, you look back at him pointedly. He blushes, quickly looking away when your eyes meet. You sigh, your head falling into the back of the couch before you turn and curl up against it, your eyes drifting shut. 
"Is that my sweater?" 
Your eyes shoot open, and it's as if he's finally grown the courage to look at you directly again now. His brown eyes search yours, and he motions to the shirt you're wearing. You look down — even though you know he's right — and your cheeks are on fire. You’re wearing the sweater he’d leant you forever ago on a cold night for your walk home — the one you’d never returned. You slept in it almost every night, and he hadn’t asked for it back. 
"Keeps me warm," you mumble, tugging on the hem. It's silent for a beat before you continue, voice even quieter than before. You pause, ruminating on your next words before you take a deep breath and say, “The last few nights, wearing it kind of made me feel like you were safe.”
You can hear his intake of breath before he says, soft, “Are you mad at me?”
You shake your head, because you’re not. You’re scared, stressed, worried sick — but you’re not mad. Not anymore. “No, Chan.”
The nickname sends a flood of relief through him more than your actual reply does. 
“I’m not mad,” you continue, “because of course you’re Spiderman. Of course you’re putting yourself in danger trying to protect others. I love how selfless you are, Lee Chan — I always have. But me? I’m selfish. And I’m scared to death of losing you.”
All he says, all he can say, is, “I’m scared, too.”
You look at him again now. You search his face as you ask, “Of what?”
“Of getting hurt. Of… of losing you, too.”
Your heart is suddenly beating so fast you think it might soon break free from your rib cage. You don’t know why you say it, because you’ve already got his undivided attention, but his name comes out breathlessly anyway. “Chan?” 
“Yeah?” He’s looking at you with those beautiful, big, questioning eyes, and you can’t help it. 
“I think it might be a terrible time for me to say this,” you blurt out, “but I — Chan, I’m in love with you.”
Silence.
Chan blinks.
“Wait, what?”
Your face flushes, and it’s your turn to look away. “Sorry,” you murmur.
“No, don’t — oh my god. What?”
You’re not sure what he wants from you. You’re embarrassed now, pulling your knees up to your chest in a feeble attempt to protect yourself from your feelings. Your face is flushed as you turn to look out the window, and you can almost hear Chan’s brain buffering as he remains silent.
“Do you mean that?”
“Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?” Your voice comes out a bit harsher than you intend it to, but you don’t take it back. 
“I…” He trails off. He doesn’t say anything more, and the quiet is almost deafening. You’re finding it a little harder to breathe as the seconds pass, and you wrack your brain for something, anything to say to fill the stifling silence.  
“I’m going to go,” is what comes out, and then you’re standing up so abruptly that you feel a little dizzy. The scene is familiar — you, running from what you’re feeling, running from him. 
“Wait,” he blurts out, and you do. You pause in spite of everything in you that’s begging you to run, and then he says, “Can I… I mean, do you want to… kiss?”
You turn back, eyes wide. It’s such a ridiculous question, such an innocent thing for him to ask in light of everything that’s happened in the last few days — but it’s so Chan that you almost forget about it all. This is probably a bad idea, you both know that — and you don’t care. You don’t know how this is going to work, but you’ll figure it out. 
Because it’s your Chan — the one who cares so much, the one who gives you hope, the one who wants nothing but for the world to be a better place.
“I mean — I love you too,” he says into the silence, and you realize that you haven’t given him an answer.
“Yes,” you breathe out before he can panic. “Fuck. I have so many questions, but first, yes. Yes, I want to kiss you, Lee Chan.”
You can hardly believe the giggle and shy smile he sends your way before he kisses you breathless. 
Yeah, you think to yourself as he pulls back, as your fingers lift to gently trace the barely-there bruise on his cheek, as he leans into the warmth of your hand. As you think about how he’s been doing all of this — trying to change the world — alone.
Yeah, you think. You’ll figure it out. 
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TAGLIST: @waldau @minisugakoobies @tae-bebe @gyuminusone @wqnwoos @wheeboo @christinewithluv @lvlystars @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @iluvseokmin @seohomrwolf @pan-de-seungcheol @bewoyewo @kyeomkyeomi @mingyuscoffee @harry-the-pottypus @lightprincess-world @icyminghao @bella-l @darkypooo
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runninriot · 1 month
Text
Damn You, Capitalism!
inspired by and written for @sidekick-hero , hope that helps getting through the day 🖤 because work sucks (i know!) - but eddie sucks harder 😏
1.231 words | cw: contains smut, nsfw, mdni
also on ao3
Steve has been drowning in work lately, it's a nightmare.
Eddie tries his best to support him, to make things as little stressful for him at home as it can possibly be.
He keeps the guitar unplugged when he's working on new music, to keep the noise at a minimum.
Always makes sure there's some meal ready for Steve to grab and microwave when and if he remembers to eat.
He reminds himself to do the dishes as soon as he's done with them because he knows how much Steve hates when the sink is full of dirty plates and forks and mugs.
Eddie even finally figured out how to use their new washing machine - he's not stupid, just lazy, and- why does that damn thing need so many buttons?
So, yeah. He's trying, really, because it breaks his heart every night when Steve comes home from work, looking one moment away from collapsing. Always tired, always moody, just- miserable.
Eddie wishes he could do more. Wishes he could take some of Steve's stress away, help him relax. Ease his mind just for a while.
And- look, he knows what would probably, most definitely help, that's not the thing. The problem is, Steve can barely even stay up long enough to kiss Eddie goodnight as soon as they're in bed. So any attempts of trying to have some one-on-one quality time with his husband aren't really up for debate right now.
Right?
Right.
He'll just have to wait for this massive project to be over and done with.
---
As Eddie crawls into bed shortly after Steve, he finds him quietly snoring, already fast asleep with his face mushed uncomfortably against his pillow.
Even in his sleep, he looks exhausted and it makes Eddie mad how much that job is demanding of Steve.
He pictures himself in front of the corporate building that holds his husband's soul captive, angrily stomping up and down the pavement while waving a sign that reads Damn You, Capitalism! and the thought makes him laugh.
He realises too late that he's been making an awful lot of noise, instantly shuts himself up with a hand over his mouth when Steve stirs awake and looks at him through bleary eyes.
   "Is everything okay?"
Steve sounds knackered (he learned that word from his British co-worker) and Eddie hates himself for ripping him out of his well-deserved sleep.
   "I'm sorry, baby. Everything's good. I didn't mean to wake you up. Just go back to sleep, okay? I'll see you in the morning."
Eddie leans down to kiss his forehead before he turns off the light and lays down next to him, trying to be as still as he can to let Steve drift off peacefully again.
But the damage is already done. Even without looking he can sense that Steve has trouble falling back asleep and it’s confirmed by the heavy sigh Steve lets out.
   "Can you-" His voice flitters quietly through the room, "Can you suck my dick?”
    Oookay, what?
Eddie can’t help but snort at those words.
Steve must be dreaming. Maybe he did fall back asleep after all.
   “I’m being serious, Eds!” Steve sounds almost offended.
He then rolls to the side and even in the dark, Eddie can see his big eyes staring straight at him.
So, not sleeping, then.
   “Babe, are you sure? I’m just asking because- well, we haven’t done anything for weeks and I miss it. God, do I miss it. But you’ve been completely out of it not even 5 minutes ago and-“
What the hell is he even going on about?
His perfect, beautiful husband wants him to suck him off. Why the fuck is he still babbling instead of using his mouth to do exactly that?
   “I just think it’d help me sleep?”
Steve uses that honeysweet voice of his, the one he knows Eddie can never say no to, the one he always uses to get what he wants. And- like, what is Eddie if not a very devoted, very helpful, very loving husband that would quite literally do anything for his man?
---
Steve’s boxers are gone as quickly as the blanket before Eddie makes himself comfortable between his husband’s spread legs.
It’s almost embarrassing how much he’s already drooling just thinking about the perfect weight of Steve’s glorious cock on his tongue but- excuse him for not keeping his excitement in check when he’s literally been suffering from Steve-withdrawal for weeks now!
Still, he tries to take his time, not wanting it to be over too quickly. He can hear in Steve’s pleading moans that he won’t last long, can taste Steve’s desperation in each drop of precum that hits his tongue as he licks the tip.
It’s heaven.
It’s so good Eddie wants to cry.
    Fuck, he missed this. Missed the familiar stretch of his lips when he takes Steve in, the familiar sound of Steve’s husky voice, the scent of freshly showered skin, the feeling of sinking deeper and deeper on his lover’s cock as he swallows him down like he’s starving for it.
His hips can’t seem to keep still, wiggling and rubbing against the sheets where his own cock is searching for friction. But his focus is on Steve, he can take care of himself later. This is just for the beautiful man that is the light of his life – he deserves it. Deserves to be worshipped like the divine creature he is.
   “Ed- Eddie, oh God! Oh fuck!”
Steve’s words spur him on. He finds the perfect rhythm, uses one hand to pump Steve’s cock while his tongue curls around the tip. His other hand strokes the sensitive skin on his inner thigh, dragging his nails up and down, knowing too well that it drives Steve just a little insane.
   “Babe, I’m- I- fuck! Don’t stop. Please, don’t stop. I’m so close!”
Eddie wouldn’t dream of it.
Not when it makes him so happy to hear and taste and feel his husband slowly falling to pieces. When, with every staggering breath, Steve crawls a little closer to the edge.
Until finally, Eddie is rewarded with a mouthful of Steve’s love; a sweet gift, despite the bitter taste, he swallows with pride, not wasting a single drop of it, taking it all in.
Beneath him, Steve’s trembling through his orgasm, legs shaking and breath uneven. He stops Eddie with a hand in his hair, tugging just lightly to make him look up.
   “Com’ere, baby. Wanna kiss you.”
A little reluctantly, Eddie leaves the perfect place between Steve’s thighs and crawls on top of him to comply.
They kiss slow and soft, no hurry, just their lips finding each other in the dark with gentle pressure.
   “Love you so much, baby,” Eddie whispers against Steve’s lips as he feels his movements slow down.
And as he kisses his way from Steve’s mouth to his cheek, to the tip of his nose, his closed lids and his forehead, Steve’s breathing eases into a steady, calm rhythm.
He’s asleep again, hopefully dreaming of beautiful things as he sinks deeper into Eddie’s embrace, lets his husband's warmth envelope him where they’re lying side by side.
Steve deserves it.
Because tomorrow, he has to fight his way through the constricting clutches of capitalism again.
Man, capitalism really sucks.
But, Eddie laughs to himself, he can suck harder.
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kissitbttr · 6 months
Text
I SEE YOU (FIRST TIME IS A CHARM)
a/n: a simple first date of frat!miguel and cheerleader!reader after the party
warnings; tiny angst but then turned to comfort<3
miguel sometimes think it would be good if he occasionally pinches himself in the arm. or glen could do it if he wanted to since he’s got quite a grip. enough to make sure he’s not living the dream.
for example, finally scoring a chance to take you out after months of pining on you? not getting rejected by his long time crush?! scratch pinching, somebody slap the dog shit out of him and tell him that this is real,
he had texted beck prior the date that he needed his right hand man to keep tabs on everything at the party. and being the good best friend that he is, beck congratulated him for finally having the balls to actually do it,
beck: so i guess that means we don’t have to hear about you moaning her name again during sleep?
miguel: shut the fuck up, kingsley. do as what you’re told.
beck: aye aye buddy
“so uh.. are you hungry? we could grab something to eat if you want to” he asked you while looking over to the passengers seat
“starving, actually” you replied with a giggle, and he felt his heart skip a beat at the sound. “got any recommendations, o’hara?”
but for a guy who knows his ways around women, he sure is nervous when it comes to you. and fuck, he cursed himself for being like this. he wanted to look cool in front of you, not stupid. what is wrong with him?!
“well we can have something off the diner on 13th street. that’s twenty minutes from campus, though. sushi stop, i know one where they serve the best sashimi. and kebab food truck but i don’t think you-“
“a kebab?!” a gasp fell from your mouth, eyes widening at the sound of middle eastern delicacy. “yes. no doubt. i want it. let’s punch it!”
he swore he’s not the type who falls in love quickly. but the way your eyes twinkle in excitement when he mentioned about kebabs,
he might just have,
he smiled at you before putting his focus back on the road. “kebab food truck it is”
one thing that miguel had forgotten to mention, is that food trucks don’t have tables and chairs. so people either eat them while standing up or inside their cars,
he didn’t want to trouble you at all, because looking at you right now, in a very pretty dress and heels, he doubt. that you actually wanted to eat while standing up,
“i’m so sorry, muñeca. i forgot to say something about this” he scratched the back of his head. eyes looking through the window where the kebab truck is at,
with a shrug you shot him a reassuring smile. “i don’t mind standing up while eating if that’s what you worried about”
he shook his head. “i mind actually. can’t let you eat and get tired while standing. how about we’ll eat in my car and i’ll go order something for you, si? what do you prefer? i swear if it you say vegan, i will leave you”
you laughed at that comment, “no of course not. i’ll get the chicken one, medium sized. and a cold water”
he pulled out his cash from the back pocket, smiling at you. “be right back”
there was definitely something different about him. a good different. one of them was how miguel is not how the people at campus had painted him to be. could be too soon for that conclusion but throughout the car ride, you were extremely sure that miguel is not a jackass.
instead, he had asked about which songs you wanted him to play in his car. whether or not if you’re comfortable and constantly saying sorry if he overstepped. it all seemed so sweet to you,
your friends would probably give you a weird look praising such simple things. the bare minimum. but these days, those ‘bare minimums’ are hard to pluck from a decent person, correct? nothing’s wrong with praising them anyway.
he knocked on the window, pulling you out of the train thoughts, in which you then rolled it down. “here you go, muñeca. the man assumed that it was for me so he put a lot of chicken there, so-“
“it’s fine. i said i was starving anyway” you took it from his hand, the smell of the delicious meal was making your mouth water.
miguel had himself crouched down to your eye level, thumb pointing over his shoulder. “so. standing up? or my car?”
you thought for a while, then an idea came into your mind with a pretty smile. “got a better one”
miguel frowned in confusion at that, watching you opening the door before walking out of the vehicle. and that’s when you and him standing almost chest to chest, unintentionally.
the moment he looked at you, his mind immediately went blank. in that exact moment, he thought that if it was possible to put charges on someone for how they stare with their eyes, yours would be number one.
because it felt like he was getting hypnotized by your beautiful irises and that there’s no turning back for him. he would volunteer to drown himself in them if it means he gets to see those eyes forever,
“—way nicer”
he blinked. mentally slapping himself in the forehead because he had just realized he wasn’t listening to you at all, too busy day dreaming about your gaze.
“i’m sorry, w-what were you saying?”
an amused smile made it towards your lips, “i said, we could sit by the pavement here. it’s way nicer. we could act like one of those drunk people after night out.”
“but we’re not drunk, muñeca”
“i said act, miguel” you reply in a duh tone, closing the door behind before guiding him to one of the empty ones where it’s not taken, “see? this one’s good spot”
one thing he noticed, you were wearing a pretty dress. “wait!” miguel then rushed towards the back of his car to grab a jacket before going back to you and laying it down on the asphalt. “there. now you can sit”
that one made your heart flutter, eyes moved up to him. “miguel you can’t just do that. your jacket will get dirty”
“I don’t mind. they made washing machine for a reason. i wasn’t going to let your dress get dirty anyway. the color is too pretty” he smiled, finally taking a seat on the rough surface with you following his actions after,
it was quite a cold night, and you regret not bringing a jacket along with you. what even was this weather? sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s rainy and sometimes you couldn’t even fucking predict it,
you tried not to let the chills get to you, because it seemed like miguel wasn’t really bothered by it. this man had his whole arms out in a muscle tank and he sat still like it was nothing,
“this is the best kebab i have ever tasted” you moaned with your eyes close on you had the first bite, chewing on the sweet delish,
miguel tried not to let his mind wander when he saw you doing that. “you like it?”
“like?! i love it! miguel this is amazing!” eyes turning into hearts when you gaze the food upon your hands, “how did you find this perfect place?”
“me and the guys often tried to find new places to eat other than burgers and hot dogs after parties and football practice” he settled his legs down, crossing them. “saw this truck while passing by and decided to give it a go”
you hummed. “do you do that a lot?”
“do what a lot?”
“partying” you took another bite, looking over at him as he raised his brows at the question,
“w-well” he chuckled nervously, thinking of a better way to answer. “if i’m being honest, i don’t enjoy it… as much as i did before”
“really?”
“yeah. it was fun at first. partying, getting shit faced… feels lame now. also, probably because now i think of alcohol are just empty calories”
“is that why you wanted to take me out? so you didn’t have a reason to stay there?”
his eyes turned wide, shaking his head in panic mode. “what? no! no of course not! i wanted to! i mean—it just felt like it was the perfect timing! and i— I—so—didn’t i tell you i have a crush on you?!”
with that, you laughed. placing a hand over his knee. “just joking, miguel”
oh fuck you’re touching him.
‘keep it cool, miguel’ he thought,
“oh-oh right, right. sorry” he replied, clearing his throat. still feeling nervous. “you know, i rarely see you at our weekly parties. only gloria and some of your friends.” he pointed out. wiping some of the sauce from the corner of his lips,
you answered. “not really my scene”
“you don’t like parties?”
“not really. i prefer when it’s just a few people that i know. not a whole campus. i like it better when it’s intimate”
“why is that?” he couldn’t help but ask,
“so i can hear people better when they talk. i love having a conversation”. it’s simple really. and it’s true.
you haven’t gone out to wild parties or clubs in a while, and it was safe to say that your life is truly at peace now. not saying that you would turn down any offer to go to one, but you just don’t do it as often,
waste of money and energy. simple things like sleeping before eleven, waking up early, getting your work done and having walks or working out regularly have been your main priorities now,
“ah, i see” he nodded at that, a smile appeared on his face. “intimate party yeah? i keep that in mind”
you raised one of your brows. “you don’t have to just because i said so, miguel”
he shrugged, taking another bite of his food “if that’s what i have to do just so i could see you around more often”
his response completely took you by surprise. and you had no clue what to say to that. fluttered? sure, that’s why you tried to suppress the smile on your face by looking away. you were quite thankful that it was dark out. that way, he wouldn’t be able to see the blush prominent on your cheeks.
the two of you sat there in comfortable silence for a while. devouring the perfect late night meal while watching the cars go by, accompanied by mindless chatters from left to right,
it did come to a surprise that you and miguel have a lot more in common than you think. something that you didn’t see coming. hell, you didn’t even think that you would actually converse with the head of a fraternity and captain of a football team.
a person whom you always try to avoid ever since freshmen year.
“another thing—why haven’t i seen you in lots of my games?”
“miguel, i come to your games. i’m the cheerleader for crying out loud”
“what i meant was why have you never stick around? you do your part and then poof! you’re gone”
raising an eyebrow, you eye him. “are you stalking me now?” he laughs at the accusation, but it’s not entirely false. “i have no reason to stay, why would i stick around?”
“not even for me?” he fakes a dramatic gasp, hand over his chest as if he’s actually hurt. “that pains me, muñeca”
“you’re getting way ahead of yourself, o’hara” you reply with an eye roll but smile anyway,
miguel then looks at the road, shaking his head. “unbelievable. and here i thought about handing you my jersey for you to wear next at our championship game”
and man, did your heart somehow stop for a second there.
because miguel o’hara do not give away his jersey numbers. not the real one nor the merch ones.
“you’re joking?”
“why would i be?” miguel turned his head at you, finding it is much better to look at you rather than the busy road ahead of him,
shrugging, you looked down at your open kebab. “people talk about how your jerseys are off limits. you don’t give away those numbers for anyone”
“well” he breathed out, chewing his lower lip while fiddling with his fingers. “you’re not just anyone to me”
a breath hitched on your throat when his ruby eyes met with your pretty ones once more. and he made a mental note on how your smile deflated in seconds after he said that,
and fuck fuck fuck, he didn’t mean to make you feel weird or uncomfortable. it was the last thing he wanted to do. because he did feel like he was confessing too much to you that night.
but what could he have done?! he likes you and you make him nervous. put the two and two together, and miguel would sputter bunch of shit from his mouth without actually thinking,
“shit” he shook his head, looking away from embarrassment. “i didn’t—I didn’t mean to say that— i mean, i did but—sorry if it made you feel weird. that was too straight forward”
you couldn’t lie, it was rather entertaining to see the captain of a football team and the so called ‘player of campus’ stumble upon his words like that. usually, you would simply roll your eyes and brushed every single guy who had said that to you. because you knew all they wanted to do was to get into your pants,
however miguel looked genuine. and by how fast his cheeks were warming to the color of crimson red or how he scratched the tip of his ears was pretty explanatory,
he wasn’t trying to get into your pants,
instead of giving him a dirty look, you just smiled shyly at him who looked down on his lap. probably re-thinking about his life choices.
“that’s cute” you managed to mumble, scooting a bit closer to his body. putting the half of kebab down beside you. “you actually like me, huh?”
he scoffed at the silly thought, as if the answer to that question had already been written well enough. “i really like you” he confessed, craning his head towards you and he almost passed out on how close you were to him. “makes me go crazy every time i see you, muñeca—i counted the times that you looked at me for just one split second and i died on days that you didn’t”
the way he spoke so carefully and lovingly with you was truly something you had longed from someone. took you by surprise just how much it meant to him for something so simple like wanting you to look at him for once,
one that you didn’t expect miguel o’hara would have said,
“yeah?” and this time, your voice wavered a little. almost like he made his mission accomplished by making you nervous too. “have you been gawking at me then?”
“god you made it sound like i’m a creep” he shook his head out of embarrassment making you laugh. “not gawk—just simply admiring you from afar—during class and your cheerleading practice. but it’s not a weird ass admiring or something like that. hope that’s okay”
it was. indeed it was.
because before this happened, you always assumed that miguel was the typical jock that romcoms have always shown. heartless, player, annoying, screw ups, and the list goes on.
but fuck was he different.
“more than okay” you responded rather quietly, letting your shoulder touched with his and it made miguel’s eyebrows quirk upwards,
and the moment miguel let his eyes looked into yours for more than twenty seconds, he knew for the second time that night—he was in. hooked line and sinker.
you pulled him in deeper than anyone had ever did without you even realizing. he hadn’t even shared a three hour conversation with you. this is the longest he had spoken with the girl he had a crush on,
miguel gulped by the sight of your pretty lips and doe eyes looking up at him. the innocence twinkled within your gaze and he had to refrain himself from kissing you out in the street,
it was one of the hardest thing he had to do that night,
“i just wanted you to give me a chance” he admitted, resting his arms on his knees as he stared at you. “to look at me as me—not as someone who people had spread rumors about on campus—because i’m not that— i don’t sleep around, i promise I don’t”
it was a weird feeling on how your heart broke a little by how defeated he sounded at the moment. his eyes were soften, voice turned small. he was begging silently for you to look past the ‘playboy miguel’ talk from the people that barely even knows him,
he didn’t care if others don’t believe him but he cared if you did.
that’s the only approval he needed,
“i want you to see me” he shyly continued when you chose not to say anything, only looking at him with your widening eyes. “that’s all”
trust has always been something you struggle with from time to time. because it’s easier said than done.
relationships are indeed not your strongest virtue. you shared some in the past but not all of it were pretty except for one. and you haven’t even heard about that person in a long time but you did wish he was okay.
it is unbelievably difficult to put your heart upon someone else’s hands and asking them to take care of it knowing how easy it would be for them to break it along the way,
which was the reason why you avoided miguel in the first place,
to say you hate him with all of your guts and soul would probably be too much. you wouldn’t go that far. you hardly know the man.
but you were persuaded by the gossips and girl talk scattered throughout campus. how he used girls for sex, only to dump them the next day. despite gloria telling you the opposite, you refused to believe her. you were solemnly only trying to protect yourself.
yet only now the guilt was eating you alive. why didn’t you even try to find out for yourself instead of listening to a gang of plastics who love to start off disgusting rumors about others?
looking at him now just made your heart clenched and for your head tilt to the side, just so you can look at him a bit better. you wanted to look at his eyes. you wanted him to not avoid your gaze because you understood now,
more clearer than ever.
“i do. i see you, miguel” you placed a hand on top of his, gently rubbing the skin until his ruby eyes turned to you at the sudden affection,
miguel’s heart almost did a somersault at your smile. even more to the words you had chosen to say next,
“i see you, baby”
reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! it would make my day:)
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lloydskywalkers · 28 days
Text
moats and boats and waterfalls
Read on AO3
Post-Crystalized — after surviving apocalypse no. 2 (possibly 3, currently under debate) the ninja now face the unspeakable horrors of budgeting.
(Years late to the Crystalized party but here's part one of my seven billion fanfics about this season because there are Thoughts to be had about this one)
As it turns out, rebuilding a monastery is a whole lot more trouble than rebuilding the Bounty for the eightieth time. 
And by trouble, Cole means incredibly expensive.
“Re-installing central heating costs what?!” 
Kai’s horrified cry reverberates throughout the half-constructed monastery, the echo from the noticeably empty rooms only adding to insult. 
Oh, what Cole would give to have his bed back. 
“I guess we’ll have to use you during the winter,” Nya sighs, patting Kai on the back. “Lloyd, get ready to supercharge him.”
“Forget heating, do you know how much Wi-Fi costs?” Lloyd stares at the estimated summary like it’s personally kicked his pet. “Who even has that much money? God?”
“If god had money, he could’ve given Sensei Wu his inheritance and we’d all be loaded,” Jay mutters. “But noooo, ‘material possessions are the death of the soul’, blah blah blah, we’ll see whose soul is dead when the gas cuts out and he can’t make midnight tea anymore.” 
“It does seem a bit extreme, looking at it all like this,” Zane remarks. Somewhat ironically, as he’s taken one look at the bill then wisely retreated across the room. 
“Well, blowing up the entire monastery with us in it was extreme, so it figures repairs are just as bad,” Nya grumbles. 
They all shift, the mood dampening at the reminder. 
Lloyd opens his mouth. “I’m sor—”
“Do not,” Kai stabs a finger at him. “Even try.”
Lloyd slumps. “If I hadn’t gotten caught—”
“We all agreed to the plan, okay?” Cole says. “Also, no one knew we’d be sending you to Harumi, so the whole thing was doomed from the start.”
While he looks a bit miffed, Lloyd gives it up. Though perhaps that’s mostly in part because he desperately wants to avoid any more conversation about—
“So speaking of Harumi,” Jay starts. 
Lloyd springs for the window. 
Unfortunately for Lloyd, said window is currently boarded up by heavy-duty plywood, since quality window glass fell low on the list of priorities, which gives Kai plenty of time to tackle him before he can even raise his leg to kick it in. 
“No!” Zane cries. “We can’t afford anymore plywood!”
“Or like, Band-Aids at bare minimum, so don’t you dare!” Nya adds. 
“—overdramatic phase has gotta go, what are you, five — hey, no biting!”
Lloyd makes a muffled sound as he wrestles on the floor with Kai. Cole turns, very slowly, to glare at Jay.
“Oh come on, we were all thinking it,” Jay defends, reluctantly standing to help pry Lloyd from the floor. “Fine, hey, I promise we won’t talk about certain loser ex-princesses who are nice and cozy in their prison cells right now, okay? There, there, little gremlin, she can’t hurt you anymore—”
“I’ll bite you next,” Lloyd threatens, but he returns to his seat, wincing as Kai scuffs his hair. 
“Turn Oni again, and that might be an actual threat.”
Lloyd startles terribly, staring at Kai with wide eyes. “That’s — not — I wouldn’t—”
“Kai,” Nya hisses.
“Woah, hey, no, I didn’t mean it like that!” Kai says quickly. “It’s supposed to be positive reinforcement! Easing it into a normal thing, y’know?”
Lloyd growls. “Nothing about this is a normal thing—”
“Except none of us are normal, so therefore it is,” Kai interrupts him smoothly. “Also we already loved you when you were a tiny demon, turning into a literal one is nothing. Give us some credit.” 
Lloyd pulls his hood over his flaming face, thunking his head against the table. Kai pats him cheerfully on the shoulder. 
“Additionally, unless we can swindle someone by selling Lloyd in his Oni form on the black market for cold cash before stealing him back, I don’t see how this helps matters.”
Zane finds himself on the receiving end of five blank stares. Lloyd, successfully having been pulled from his hood, whistles. 
“I forget how evil you can be, sometimes.”
Kai gapes at him. “So that makes you feel better?”
“I mean, in terms of normalizing it—”
“Alright!” Cole slams his hands on the table, silencing them all. He glares them down. “Meeting room in five. We’re figuring out how to make this place livable if it kills us.”
There’s a brief silence, then Jay hesitantly raises his hand.
“Hey, so uh, we kinda don’t have a meeting room right now?”
Cole collapses on the table in despair. 
---
Twenty minutes and one session of shoving chairs into what could have been the living room later — it’s hard to tell, with all the construction markings and plywood still up — they’ve kicked off the official first meeting of the Finish-Making-the-Monastery-Livable plan. 
“Alright,” Lloyd announces, brushing his hands as he steps back from the chalkboard that may or may not have been stolen. “At the top of the list we have Wi-Fi, central air and heating, beds — huh, maybe those should go higher — running water, electricity — that one’s debatable, me and Jay can tag-team it if we get desperate — blankets-slash-pillows-slash-etcetera, stuff to cook with, actual food — y’know what, I’m putting that closer to the top—”
“So basically, we have nothing,” Cole says blankly. 
Lloyd glances at the list, then to the sliver of chalk left in his hands. “Uh. Yeah.” 
“Take the weaponry, sure, but all my albums?” Jay mourns. “I spent years collecting those.” 
“I lost the blanket we stole from that super fancy apartment we lived in for like five minutes when Lloyd was a kid,” Kai sighs. “That thing literally made it through the apocalypse, just to bite it now.” 
“Two apocalypses too many,” Nya says.
“Did the Preeminent count as an apocalypse? Like, a minor one?”
“Three apocalypses. It took three apocalypses to vaporize my closet,” Cole sinks lower in his seat. “Man, the hoodie you got me for my birthday was in there.” 
“All of our photographs are lost, too.” Zane stares at his hands. 
Lloyd murmurs something under his breath that sounds a lot like family pictures and figures. 
The mood plummets a bit more, after that. 
“Motherfu—”
“Alright, this isn’t helping,” Cole claps his hands. “We can all cry again later. Lloyd, overall mission status conclusion?”
“Well, like you said, we basically have nothing,” Lloyd sighs. “So unless Zane wants to stop chickening out and abandon his morals so we can just hack into everything and get it free, we need to find some way to pay for all this.”
“Again, I cannot hack in to rebuilding an entire cooling unit throughout the monastery, much less make the latest clothing line from Gucci materialize,” Zane says. Kai swears. “Also, that is called stealing.” 
“You call it stealing, I call it a charitable donation,” Nya says. “I turned into the ocean for this city, the least they can do is cut me a check.” 
“Besides, even if it is stealing, what are they gonna do, send us to jail again?” Jay scoffs.
Lloyd jabs the piece of chalk in his direction. “Don’t jinx us.” 
“Too bad we wasted our chance at crime and didn’t even get rich,” Kai mutters. “All we got was Nya.”
He yelps as she punches him in the arm. “What, too soon?”
“You should be so lucky to have me,” she sniffs. 
“Hey, but going on the donation thought train — do we know anyone who’s rich?” Jay asks. “Why don’t we have any rich friends?”
“Hey, you know what’s rich? That coming from the son of a billionaire.”
“Hey, you know what else got blown up? My inheritance!” 
“Please, let it go,” Zane says. “We do have rich friends, I’ll remind you, we’re friends with actual monarchy. But we can’t exactly go and ask anyone else for money, since they all already helped out so much in getting the monastery rebuilt.”
There’s a moment of pensive silence. Lloyd draws a little sad face on the chalkboard next to ASK FOR DONATIONS. 
“What if we just…sued Harumi,” Cole says. “Like, there’s gotta be some law that could work in our favor here.”
“I don’t think the court would go for that,” Lloyd mutters. “Since they’re all morally corrupt frauds who hate us.”
“Yeah! Down with the system!” Kai punches his fist in the air. 
“Also, Harumi likely has very little in the way of money, either,” Zane says. “Considering she blew up any and all assets she might have had claim to.”
“Haha, what a loser,” Nya crows.
“What if we sued Garmadon?” Cole tries. “The courts have to hate him more than they hate us.”
Lloyd scowls, scrawling a large NO on the chalkboard. “Not worth the effort. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’s still couch-surfing at Vinny’s, which means also penniless.”
“We could sue Kalmaar,” Nya cracks her knuckles.
“Isn’t he dead?” 
“Oh, yeah.” Nya looks disappointed. 
“Did anyone survive that we can sue successfully?” Jay muses. “And actually get money out of?”
“Vangelis,” Cole snaps his fingers. “Wait. No, we ousted him from the throne, so he’s probably broke too.”
“Vangelis survived?”
As they dissolve into bickering over the status of enemies potentially living-or-dead, Kai squints at the chalkboard, where Lloyd is still scratching out letters despite having completely lost the room. 
“We…are…fu—Lloyd!” 
“Well it’s true,” Lloyd huffs, finishing off his message with a flourish. “Tada. There’s my grand plan.”
“That’s not a plan, it’s a pessimistic estimation at how things are gonna go.”
“It’s extremely rude language, is what it is! I thought we taught you better.”
Lloyd simply looks pleased with himself at having recaptured the room’s attention. It is, of course, then that Sensei Wu walks into that room. He stops, looking from where they’re all frozen in place, then to the chalkboard. 
Lloyd pales. 
Sensei Wu pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers and closes his eyes. 
“My dearest nephew, you have three seconds to make that disappear, or I’ll be forced to—”
Lloyd springs for the chalkboard in record time, wiping frantically at his writing with the sleeve of his gi. 
“People would kill for that thing, and here he’s using it as a chalkboard eraser,” Jay mutters. 
It isn’t until later, when they’ve all retreated to the collective mass of blow-up mattress and borrowed blankets they’re calling a bedroom, that anyone breaches the topic again. 
There’s a loud rustling as Cole turns over where he’s precariously shoved between Kai and Zane. 
“…can we sue the mayor?”
There’s a noted pause of silence, only broken by the whirring of the cheap oscillating fan. 
“You know,” Zane says slowly. “In terms of slander and defamation…” 
An evil, sharp-toothed smile spreads across Lloyd’s face. “I like the sound of that.”
“Hey, let’s sue the new ninja, too,” Jay grins. “Can Pixal retroactively trademark our vibe?”
“You cannot sue them based on vibe appropriation.”
“Yeah, but I can sue them for impersonation.”
---
They cannot, as it turns out, sue the mayor, because legal work like that costs even more money. 
They can, however, ruin his year by filing (and forging) every possible insurance claim under the sun, so they all walk out of the office a little more satisfied than before. 
“I hope all your socks go missing in the laundry!” Nya yells toward the building as they hit the streets. “I hope you have a rock stuck in your shoe for the rest of your life! I hope you’re plagued with a mildly inconvenient headache every waking moment and never fully enjoy anything ever again!”
“Alright, alright, we’re getting looks,” Cole grabs her arm. “Let it go.”
“As much as I appreciate it, I am not going back to jail,” Jay shudders. “Twice was enough.”
Kai frowns. “Twice? When else did you get arrested?”
“We all did, re—” Jay cuts off, suddenly aware of the absolute daggers Nya is staring at him. “Uhhh…aw, snap, another mental breakdown, haha!”
“Is this the whole ‘we all have missing memories you guys are definitely hiding from us’ thing again? ‘Cause I swear—”
“I said I’m getting to it, it’s a really boring story anyways—”
“Didn’t you say you lost an eye—”
“Oh look, a window!”
This time, Jay is thwarted by Lloyd, who’s simply jumped out enough windows to recognize when someone’s about to try it themselves. Except Jay is aiming to jump inside a window this time, so they both go crashing into Pixal just as she joins them. 
To her credit, she barely flinches. “I thought I heard clown noises nearby.” 
Lloyd stares at her in such utter betrayal, the mental breakdown thing might become valid.  
“Pixal,” Jay simply begs. “Please. Help your clowns scavenge our clown dinners.”
Pixel surveys them all, a fond smile tugging at her lips. “There is a nice pizza place down the block.”
The cheers she’s met with nearly succeeded at knocking her over where Jay failed.  
Dinner that night comprises of actual, warm, take-out pizza, which nearly moves Cole to tears.
“Definitely changing the priorities order,” Lloyd says blissfully through a mouthful of cheese. “Food goes at the top, no questions.”
“Seconded,” Kai mumbles. 
“Thirded.”
“Fourthed.”
“I cannot believe, that after everything we’ve been through, we did not qualify for the post-apocalypse discount,” Zane bites out. 
“Well,” Jay says brightly. “Pixal hacked the card reader, so technically we got a hundred percent discount.”
Zane stares at her, in equally utter betrayal. “Pixal?”
She shrugs. “They can try to send me to prison. They will fail.” 
---
Two days later, Skylor cements herself as everybody’s most favorite person in the entire world by not only saving them from starvation by demanding they sit their butts down in the restaurant and eat for free, but also donating six pillows and a year’s worth of shampoo. 
“I know it’s not a lot, but I’m on the lookout for more,” she tells them. “I’ve asked other people to help chip in, too, so hopefully that’ll make things a little easier.”
“Skylor,” Cole nearly sobs into his new, beautiful pillow. “If Kai doesn’t marry you, I will.”
“H-hey!”
“No marriage necessary,” she snorts. “Consider keeping you all fed my way of saying thanks.”
“But you already helped out with the monastery,” Nya says, around the same time the rest of them assure her there’s no need for thanks, despite the fact that no one has the slightest desire to relinquish their food. 
“Fine, then,” Skyler huffs, her cheeks turning pink. “Make me say it out loud, will you — consider it my way of showing that I care about you all. Very much.” 
“Aww,” Lloyd says. 
Kai makes a face somewhere between melting and heart eyes. 
“I hate all of you,” she mutters. 
“We love you too, Skylor,” Cole grins. 
“Hate you!”
Despite her words, they all leave with six boxes of leftovers and free dessert. 
This, of course, brings another slightly-pressing issue to mind.  
---
They end up getting a refrigerator for a steal of a bargain, which is probably again influenced by Pixal’s criminal extremely generous activity. 
Given how enthusiastic they all are about getting it installed, Kai is half-expecting there to be no work left for him at all by the time he returns from the food run. 
He’s…not entirely disappointed when he walks into the kitchen, though he is rather baffled. 
The room freezes as if on record-scratch. Jay is perched on top of the counters, Lloyd has a sledgehammer raised halfway in the air, and Cole is on the ground beside the refrigerator crying. 
“What?” Kai asks, blankly. 
“The fridge…doesn’t fit…” Cole moans into the floor. 
“We didn’t leave enough space between the cabinets,” Jay informs him through a mouthful of gummy worms. “So the door can’t open.”
Kai looks at Lloyd. “So the sledgehammer is for…?”
“DIY home improvement,” he shrugs.
“Huh.” Kai glances at the cabinets. “Put some safety goggles on first, okay?”
Lloyd only gets about two swings in before Zane descends with the all wrath of the Ice Emperor and adds to the tally of times-the- Green-Ninja-almost-met-his-doom, but it’s fun while it lasts. 
They were ugly cabinets, anyways. 
---
While his love for his family could potentially fuel a nuclear power plant, Kai does grow tired of being the living team space heater rather quickly. 
The effort of keeping his power going all night just gets annoying (and exhausting) — so by the time he’s tagged in Lloyd to use his power to keep him going, they’re up to two moody ninja short on sleep, and no one wants to deal with that. 
While they’ve scrounged up a few dollar-store quality blankets, Jay takes the opportunity to highlight his accomplishments in arts-and-crafts.
“You mean your mom’s accomplishments.”
“Hey, we made it together! It counts.”
The it in question quickly gains the name “god-awful-t-shirt-blanket” simply because the blinding combination of all their cast-off shirts sewn together is impressively terrible. 
“I still think this is a waste of good clothes,” Kai grumbles. “It’s not like we have outfits to spare these days, you know.”
“Do you wanna keep heating the room at night or no?” Nya threatens. 
Kai quickly shuts his mouth and returns to sewing Cole’s old plaid shirt to one of Jay’s neon blue shirts that features a dolphin printed in enough colors to kill a man. 
“So, what do we think?” Lloyd steps back, wiping at his forehead with his arm as he surveys their masterpiece. 
Staring at the multi-colored mess they’ve patched together into a quilt, Nya announces, “It’s the ugliest blanket I’ve ever seen.”
“Harsh.”
“Hey, we did our best!”
“See if I ever sew for you again,” Lloyd huffs. 
“I didn’t say that was a bad thing,” Nya quickly interjects. “It looks a little like us!”
“Are you saying we’re ugly?!”
“Nya, no, our family genes are enough to carry us through this, I promise—”
---
They’re in the middle of figuring out how to steal Wi-Fi from the government when Tox drops by, Karloff in tow. 
“You really…need…to get an elevator…or something,” she pants, red-faced and sweaty as she hauls several large bags behind her.
In contrast, Karloff looks unfazed, casually toting a hideously floral-patterned sofa over his shoulder. 
“Skylor mentioned you need furniture, no?” he says. “It��s not much, but you need somewhere to sit.”
“Karloff,” Jay tells him, very seriously. “This is the most beautiful sofa I’ve ever seen.” 
“Haha! Karloff is right once again,” he brags to Tox. 
Tox stares at Jay in flabbergasted despair. 
“You can’t put that in your home,” she mutters. “You can’t. It’s a crime against eyes everywhere.”
“Well, it’s better than no sofa, and we’re literally turning down nothing these days,” Nya says cheerfully. She leans over to peer at the bags Tox has managed to drag up. “Speaking of…?”
“Oh, yeah.” Tox heaves the bags in front of her. “Skylor said you guys needed help interior decorating? So I brought a couple rugs. She also mentioned something about the ugliest blanket she’s ever seen, so we called up some of the other Elemental Masters and got like, six or seven together. They’re not exactly works of art, but they’re okay?”
Kai tears open the first bag, his eyes lighting up. “They’re beautiful,” he whispers reverently. “Hey, guys, we got blankets! Dibs on the one with a wolf.”
“Oh, no, not that one, it’s from my awful middle school phase—”
“What do you mean, dibs, I want the wolf one!”
“Oh yeah? Down to fight for it?”
“You’re on. Training ground in five.”
“Absolutely not, we are not fighting over a blanket we’ve been so generously gifted,” Zane snaps, snagging Kai and Cole by their collars. 
“Yeah, we also don’t really have a training ground anymore,” Lloyd says, half-buried in a blanket embroidered with countless bug-eyed fish. “It went ka-boom.”
Nya rubs her temples. “Zane?”
“Already factored into the expenses,” he sighs. 
“Oh wow, you guys weren’t kidding,” Tox says. “Do you want, uh, like a keychain? I have some mints here too I can donate…man, Karloff, help me out!” 
“Does the monastery need a metal helmet?”
“We’re really not that broke,” Nya says hastily, pushing away the offered mints. “But thanks.”
“Speak for yourself.” Lloyd snags the mints, clasping his hands together in prayer at Tox before slipping back into the emerging blanket battle. 
Nya sighs. “Do you guys want tea? We’ve got three whole mugs, now.”
Tox glances from the other ninja, where Jay has been successfully rolled into a blanket burrito and is in potential danger of being rolled right down the mountain, to Karloff, who’s the reason said danger is potential. 
“We can spare a minute, I guess.”
The t-shirt blanket is later relegated to the living room, where it lives as a throw blanket over Karloff’s floral sofa. They unanimously decide it’s the perfect home for it, and the only real critic is Skylor, who’s almost reduced to tears the next time she visits. 
---
They celebrate their achievement of having a living room by all eating dinner on Karloff’s floral-patterned couch. This comes with a good deal of kicking and squirming and the tragic loss of Kai’s fortune cookie, but they make it work. 
“This is kind of depressing, though. Sitting in the dark,” Nya remarks. 
A muscle in Jay’s jaw twitches. “Well, maybe if someone hadn’t melted all our candles—”
“You were the one who had the brilliant idea of trying to barbecue with them, genius!” Kai snaps. 
“It was a pretty spectacular fire,” Lloyd admits. Then, hastily, “In a really cool way!” 
“Perhaps a lamp should go next on the list,” Zane says. “Rather than relying on Kai as our light.”
“Hey, I’m a great light,” Kai scowls. “I’m the light of your life. I could light this place up all day!” 
“Yes, and I’m sure it would end similarly to the time you nearly burned down a building under the belief that you were achieving your true potential, but were, in fact, just dehydrated.”
Kai gapes at Zane in betrayal. “You said you’d take that to the grave!” 
Zane carefully laces his fingers together. “Technically, I did.”
“No you didn’t!” Jay interjects. “We never buried you, so you never had a grave! Ha!”
Zane looks affronted. “I didn’t get a grave?”
“You got a statue!” Kai quickly consoles . 
“Yeah, what’d you want us to do, pick your exploded pieces out of the street for half a year then toss ‘em in the ground?”
“Oh, as if that’s any worse than being left to pour your corpse out in cups of water.”
 “It wasn’t my corpse, I was still alive!”
“You were the literal ocean. Fish swam in you.” 
“Ew, does that mean—”
“Finish that sentence and I will drown you where you stand—”
“You’re all in desperate need of counseling,” Pixal mutters. 
“Tell me about it,” Lloyd says, leaning back on the armrest of the sofa. 
Cole shakes his head. “Lost causes, all of them.”
Pixal stares at them both, expression pinched, before deciding to respect the hopelessness of lost causes. 
“Hold on, I think Kai’s crying,” Lloyd moves to sit up, only to wobble, slip sideways, and go crashing to the floor gracelessly.  
“Just like when I fell to my doom off the Bounty,” Cole reminisces.  
 Pixal’s eyes glaze over. 
---
Later that evening, Pixal adds “therapy” to the list of potential expenses on the fridge door. Regretfully, it loses miserably in the debate against hot shower expenses, so it too joins the pile of repressed memories that will undoubtedly haunt them in the future. 
“But hey, a hot shower can cure depression on a good day,” Cole says, and that settles that. 
---
Hot showers, as it turns out, are a hard-won priority. 
It’s less so after Jay, Nya, and Pixal camp out overnight near the pipeline and perform their own less-than-legal maintenance, but one of Zane’s carefully filed insurance claims actually went through the other day, so they’re taking their luck as they can. 
It’s not until they get working on the bathroom itself that the true difficulty makes itself clear. 
“Hey, uh,” Kai stares down at the patch of rotted floor he’s ripped up, wiping at the fog that’s spread across his safety goggles. “Is the base layer supposed to look like that?”
“Look like what?” Cole abandons the tiling he’s been placing to glance over. His face drops. “Uh-oh.” 
“Is that all black mold?” Nya gags, nearly dropping her bottle of cleaning bleach.  
“FSM, no wonder we’re all crazy,” Cole mutters. 
“Alright,” Kai strips off his rubber gloves. “Nothing for it. Back up, guys, I’m barbecuing this baby.”
“Wait wait wait don’t—”
Ten minutes and a good deal of hacking and wheezing through teary eyes later, Cole murders Kai while they all look on. 
Well, he attempts to.
“You filled the monastery with chlorine gas, you absolute moron—!”
“How was I supposed to know that would happen, I’m not a chemist—”
Nya glares ahead darkly as Lloyd gingerly treats the reddened blisters on her hands. 
“None of you,” Zane says, through gritted teeth. “Are touching cleaning chemicals for a year.” 
---
“Not sure I wanna know how you pulled off poisoning yourselves, but I’m kinda impressed you did a better job of it than most criminals would,” Ronin tells them, once the monastery has been successfully de-chlorinated and the bathroom tiles firmly put in place, sans black mold. 
“Maybe we can hire ourselves out to them when we’re strapped for cash,” Nya sighs.
“We’re literally always strapped for cash. We’re broke.”
Ronin laughs, clapping Jay on the back. “Welcome to adulthood, kid.”
“I don’t think normal adulthood gets their home blown up on a regular basis,” Lloyd hisses.
“Fair point,” Ronin nods. 
“Well, thanks for saving us all from a slow and painful death,” Cole scrubs his hands over his face. “We can pay you back sometime in the next century. Maybe.”
“Ah, don’t worry about it,” Ronin waves them off. “It’d be like kicking a dog when it’s down, askin’ you all to pay. Besides, I probably owe you one.”
“You sure do,” Jay glares. 
“Hey, hey, I said I was sorry for the whole human sacrifice thing,” Ronin placates. “Want some good news, at least?”
“Is it actually good news?” Lloyd eyes him shrewdly.
“Lighten up, captain trust issues.” Kai barely snags Lloyd before he lands himself back in jail. “I looked into some more of those insurance claims you filed, and you actually got somethin’ out of it. I, uh, helped the bank along a bit, with the refund.”
“Bank?” Cole whispers.
“Refund?” Jay’s eyes shine. 
“Yeah, got you all your checks right here,” Ronin says, tugging six neat envelopes from his jacket. “Just don’t blow ‘em all at once, okay? Haha.”
Zane looks as if he might propose to him on the spot. 
“Hey, this isn’t too bad!” Kai exclaims. “We got money!”
“Guys,” Lloyd says, staring at his check. “You know we should probably pool all this together and spend it on necessities, right?”
“Yeah,” Cole sighs. 
“It would be the smartest course of action,” Zane adds. 
There’s a noted silence.
“Or,” Lloyd says. 
---
In their defense, they spend exactly two-thirds of their checks on household items. 
Whether or not these are needed household items remains a debate. 
“If we’re all buying lamps for the living room, can we at least attempt to match?” Zane sighs. 
“Booo, where’s your joy and whimsy?” Jay sticks out his tongue. 
“That isn’t even a lamp, it’s a light-up axolotl.”
“The heck’s an axo-lot—”
“It lights up, doesn’t it? Ergo, it’s a lamp.”
“Ergo, what are you, Sensei Wu—”
“We’re never having guests over again,” Cole remarks, as Lloyd and Nya maneuver a five-foot-tall rendition of Godzilla into the shopping cart that may or may not light up. 
“The monastery’s gonna look rad as heck, we’re forcing everyone to come over and look at it,” Kai corrects as he tosses a set of flame-patterned curtains into the mess. 
“Absolutely not.” 
“I actually might like them,” Zane muses. “They would capture the energy of our kitchen perfectly.”
Kai beams. “Flame curtains are a go!” 
In the aftermath, they total around six individual blankets, five mismatching lamps and one light-up axolotl, a table that no one knows how to put together, one set of flame-patterned curtains, another hideous couch, and enough cutlery and kitchenware that no one has to eat out of Sensei Wu’s incense bowls anymore. 
“Alright,” Lloyd says. “We’ve got three hours until the stores start closing. Everyone take the rest of your checks, don’t think about how much of a disaster the monastery still is, and start thinking about how valid retail therapy is.” 
“Aye-aye,” Kai salutes, before immediately booking it for the clothing outlets. 
---
Three hours later, Kai’s happily blown his entire check on a new wardrobe and exactly one pair of name-brand brand shoes. He’s unreasonably proud of himself for his restraint, until he catches Cole with three pairs of his own name-brand shoes, and immediately regrets being responsible. 
He spots Jay going off in the N-Pop section of a music store, Nya investing in a sinfully-priced espresso machine, and Zane walking toward the clothing outlets himself with a high-quality pair of noise-cancelling headphones. 
He doesn’t find Lloyd until well after he’s picked up his own clothes, already sporting an oversized hoodie he could’ve just stolen from Kai. 
He’s more concerned when Lloyd proceeds to blow the last of his check at the sporting goods section of the local convenience store. Considering how long Lloyd spent looking wistfully at the candy aisle, Kai is baffled by the decision. 
He’s even more baffled when Lloyd proceeds to box up his purchase for delivery instead of keeping it himself.
He’s utterly horrified when he sees who it’s addressed to.
“Are you serious?!” he asks shrilly, torn between ripping the box from Lloyd’s hands or immediately calling the mental health hotline. “You’re sending her gifts?”
“It’s not a gift, it’s — look, it’s a long story, you wouldn’t get it,” Lloyd grumbles, plastering another layer of duct tape over the box. “Just help me deliver it to Kryptarium and I’ll show you, okay?”
Kai very much does not help, because he’s not an enabler and he cares about his brother’s mental health, but he does follow Lloyd to Kryptarium Prison and lurk behind him as he eagerly watches the surveillance screens. 
Harumi stares at the box before her, looking every bit as baffled as Kai is. 
“Who would send me a volleyball—”
She freezes, her face going utterly blank. A muscle in her jaw twitches. 
There’s a brief flash of what could be amusement, a brief expression as if she’s eaten something sour, then a fury like no other eclipses her face. 
“LLOYD! I’LL KILL YOU MYSELF, YOU THINK YOU’RE HILARIOUS—”
Lloyd’s still laughing by the time they’re escorted from the premises, hard enough that Kai has to catch him when he trips at the top of the steps. 
“What’d you even write on the note?” Kai finally asks, a bit in awe. 
Lloyd grins. “I told her good luck getting together her villainous volleyball team in jail.”
Kai blinks. “Do I…want to know?”
“Nope!” Lloyd says airily. “But I’ve made my point.”
---
Regardless of some behaviors, the mental health hotline remains a constant idea. It simply happens to come up at inconvenient times, such as when Cole drops a dresser on his foot halfway across the courtyard. 
He swears so loudly the whole monastery echoes with it. 
“Oh geez, Cole, are you okay? Why’d you lift the whole thing on your own?”
“We could have helped,” Zane rushes over. “You don’t have to do it all yourself—”
“Yes I do!” Cole yells. “I’m stronger than that, I’m supposed to be stronger, I have to be stronger or you’re all going to die next time—”
He cuts off abruptly. Zane looks heartbroken. Jay—
Is suddenly busy smacking Cole upside the head. 
“No, you don’t!” he snaps back, even louder. “You don’t have to do it by yourself! None of you do! Every time anyone tries to do something by themselves it all goes wrong and we lose someone, so we’re never — doing that — again!” 
He seizes Cole around the arms, his wild eyes meeting Cole’s wide ones. “No one blames you for the stupid tunnel. I don’t care how strong you are. We’re all here and that’s what matters, so don’t you dare put that at risk.”
“But I—”
“No.”
“Jay, I—”
“No.”
“I—”
“No!” A manic expression overtakes Jay’s face. “No, no, no! No one’s taking the blame. No one’s isolating themselves. No. One. Is. Going. Off. Alone. You hear me?!” 
The others are frozen, halfway outstretched hands caught as if suspended in ice. Kai’s expression is twisted painfully. Lloyd’s eyes are on the ground. Zane is as frozen as the metaphorical ice, and Nya looks devastated. 
“No more being alone,” Jay says, the fire in his voice giving way to something wetter and considerably more sniffly. “No more. Don’t — you can’t—”
“Okay,” Cole whispers. He carefully takes Jay’s hands from his shoulders, grasping them in his own instead. “Okay. No more going at it alone. I promise.”  
 The monastery courtyard seems a little colder, in the silence.  
“Anyone feel like circling back to the whole ‘suing Harumi’ idea?” Kai finally speaks up. 
Jay gives a wet snort. 
“Well, we’re probably gonna need to afford tissues,” Lloyd says. His own voice isn’t exactly dry, either. 
---
The downside to sticking therapy smack at the bottom of their priorities is that they all really are, in fact, not okay. 
Most of the time, they manage. 
There’s a solace in being together, a comfort in having the people you trust and care for most in the world right next to you when the nightmares get bad. When Jay awakens screaming for Nya or clutching at his throat for air, Nya is already holding his hand and Cole’s holding the rest of him.
When Zane lapses into silence too long, emotions a roiling mess that leave him paralyzed, Kai is there with one-two-three’s for breathing and Lloyd is there to draw little cats with him until the world subsides again. 
When Cole’s eyes shadow in training and his hits grow wild, Zane is there to pin him before he bloodies his hands and Jay is there to sing horrible off-key songs he loves until the panic ebbs.
When Nya stares at the water too-long, her eyes misty and her expression dreamy, Jay is there to hold her tight and Kai is there to talk until his voice goes hoarse and hers returns. 
There are other times, though, when it’s harder. 
It hits Kai this time about halfway through painting the walls of the kitchen a cheerful yellow, said paint splattered up to his elbows, courtesy of Lloyd. He glances down — to joke, to laugh, to not think—
And pauses. With the headband he’s stolen from Pixal in place, pushing back the mass of thick blond hair, Kai can just see the purple-red edges of the swollen, irritated wounds that scar Lloyd’s scalp. The twin marks are a better sight than when Kai first glimpsed them, bleeding circles that looked as if someone had drilled into Lloyd’s skull — but not by much. 
“S’fine,” Lloyd mutters, catching Kai’s devastated expression. “I can’t even feel ‘em. Not really.”
“Liar,” Kai rasps. “They look awful.”
Lloyd makes a face. “Gee, thanks a lot.”
“I mean it. What if they get infected, or worse, or — have you had Sensei look at them?”
Lloyd wraps his arms around himself, avoiding Kai’s eyes. “No. I didn’t really…I did what he asked. What they both did. And then screwed the whole thing up, so it was all useless anyways, so I—”
He bites his lip, hard enough to crack the already dry skin. 
“I don’t really wanna hear anyone telling me what else I’m doing wrong with myself, right now.” 
Kai is angry enough to feel sick. 
“That’s stupid. That’s so stupid, he should — it shouldn’t be like that, it’s — why didn’t anyone—” he shakes his head. “Why doesn’t anyone ever ask us if we wanna be — if we wanna—”
Lloyd’s hand closes around his wrist, gently tugging Kai’s own hand from where it’s clawed unconsciously at his arm, leaving ugly red stripes against his skin. 
“You asked,” he says, quietly. “That meant a lot.”
Kai looks away. “Lot of good it did.”
Lloyd’s grip tightens. “It meant the world to me,” he repeats, stronger this time. 
“But I couldn’t—!”
Lloyd abandons his hold on his wrist to wrap his arms around Kai entirely, holding tight. Bony and strong and familiar, Kai’s little brother to the core. 
“Thank you,” he says, fervently enough that Kai can feel the ache in his voice. “Thank you for looking out for me.”
Kai’s voice is a miserable mess of fought-back tears. “I couldn’t even do anything.” 
“You asked me what I wanted,” Lloyd says once again, and Kai can hear the edge of tears threatening his voice, now. “That was everything.” 
Giving in, Kai drops his head into the mess of blond curls and hugs Lloyd back. Lloyd’s hair smells like blood and paint and steel and the strawberry shampoo Skylor gave them, and now it’s gonna smell like Kai’s stupid snot and tears. 
“Hey, having another hug party without me is lame.” 
Kai gives a wet, broken response as Nya throws her arms around them both. 
“Idiots,” she murmurs, resting her head atop theirs. “I love you both, you know that?”
“Ew, gross,” Lloyd snorts wetly. “Hey Kai, Nya loves us.”
“Little jerk, who you callin’ gross? And here I thought you loved us too.” 
“Well obviously I love you guys back, who’s the idiot now—”
Kai simply clutches them both and cries harder, as if holding onto them will stop himself from falling apart.
It works, in the ways that matter, though it’s always because they’re holding back even tighter. 
Later that evening, Zane bathes Lloyd’s head in antiseptic and Jay forces them all to sit through the PowerPoint presentation he’s made with Nya titled “Every Super Cool Totally Good Character with Horns Ranked”. He loses them the minute he brings anime characters into it, as everyone suddenly develops incredibly passionate opinions about the rankees, but Lloyd’s laughing too hard to have his own opinion and Kai doesn’t feel like he’s drowning under inadequacy anymore — just choking to death under the weight of Jay’s elbow for daring to insult Re:Zero as an anime “since it actually has Oni in it, idiot, your opinion is trash—” 
They get things back to being okay, one way or another. 
---
Somewhere in the third month of renovations, they finally scrounge up six whole beds. It takes a good deal of dragging and cursing, but they finally manage to move into their own rooms, the once-empty spaces looking a little less lonely. 
“Now we don’t have to all sleep together in the same room anymore,” Jay announces. There’s no small amount of celebration at that.
The celebration lasts up until sometime around three in the morning, at which point the  consistent nightmares land them all right back in the pile of communal air mattresses. 
“Just for like, one more night,” Kai yawns, as Lloyd curls closer beneath his arm. 
“Totally, yeah,” Nya echoes, one leg spread across Jay, her arm sprawled over Kai. 
“Go to sleep already, FSM’ sake,” Cole begs, before slumping over Zane. 
For all Cole’s begging, he’s still the first to act when Zane suddenly lurches up from the bed, gasping for air like he’s drowning and giving them all joint heart attacks. 
“—hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s just us—”
Cole’s hands hover, non-threatening, as Zane buries his face in his palms, breathing ragged. The others have begun to get up now as well, the slow kind of approach that lets Zane know exactly where each of them are. 
“I despise this,” Zane spits, as his hand drags down to fist over his chest. “I hate feeling like this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it—”
“I know,” Cole says. “I know.”
“This is why — it’s so much easier—“
“It’s okay, it’s—”
“It is not! I do not need to breathe, and yet I can’t!” Zane bursts out, frustrated and frightened. “I’m not supposed to break down like this, I do not, I do not—”
“You’re not a machine,” Cole says steadily. “You get to break down.” 
“But if I—”
“You don’t,” Lloyd murmurs. “You don’t have to turn ‘em off, Zane. You’re one of the strongest people I know.” 
Zane’s head lowers, his eyes shadowed. “It wouldn’t hurt,” he says, but it’s reluctant. 
“Yeah, you’d never hurt, but you’d never be happy, either,” Kai says. “And that’d suck.”
“It’d suck for us, too,” Cole speaks up. “We’d have to live without your laugh. Without your sassy remarks. Without your kindness.”
“We’d live without you,” Lloyd says, quietly. “And you wouldn’t really be living, would you?”
Zane crumples, his shoulders shaking as he allows Kai to pull him close. 
“If it gets too much, just come to us,” Jay says. “We’ll be more, okay? We’re pretty good at that.”
Zane gives a wet, stifled laugh. 
“Don’t go, even if it’s just your emotions leaving,” Nya murmurs, her head against his. “It isn’t worth it.”
With slowing shudders, Zane lets himself relax, the warmth of their little family pressing around him. Kai is an immovable barrier at his side, save for where Lloyd’s tucked beneath his arm. Jay’s legs tangle with Lloyd and Cole’s, his hand held tightly in Nya’s.  
“Leaving isn’t worth it,” Nya echoes. “Not in any lifetime.”
---
Bit by bit, the monastery comes together. 
The smell of new paint gives way to a familiar scent of mixing elements and laundry soap, one that’s followed them since the first Bounty. They comb through every online shop until they find the exact brand of sheets that feel like the first apartment they ever lived in together. Thrift shops and sales and birthdays stock closets once again, new hoodies that are quickly stolen and passed back and forth. The collection of CD’s and movies rebuilds into stacks once again through shared movie nights and pirated music.
And little by little, with the consistent passage of time, photographs line the walls of the monastery once again.
 A little older, a little worn, but a collection of family all the same. 
---
“Except we still don’t have damn central heating—” 
“Suck it up and light the fireplace, hothead.” 
“No respect in this city. None at all.” 
192 notes · View notes
sanzaibian · 3 months
Text
I look at my watch, it’s already 3 PM. He is one hour late, although I feel that he’s not as much late as he is not coming.
I sigh, and go back to the locker room. I wanted to surprise him by waiting in the lobby shirtless, but after so much time loitering and being told off multiple times by the staff, I guess I must cut my losses. I knew that he wasn’t all that fussed about me wish for a second date in the gym, even if he seems to be a health nut, but still, ghosting me like that really hurts…
As I walk next to the mirrors in the locker room, I look at my body.
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Honestly, with a body like that, guys should be drooling and yearning to be my boyfriend ! Yet, when I go on Grindr to find dates, I can only find people who will take me for a quick fuck, and never agree to anything further along… And this is why, no matter how fat my muscles are, how much hair is dusted on my body, how symmetric my face is, or just… how conventionally attractive to a gay audience I may be, I find myself waiting for a whole hour for a prince charming who will never come.
With a disappointed face, I walk towards my locker. By now, it’s no use to try and squeeze in an actual workout in addition to that whole hour full of variants of nothing – not that I really want to work out at all. However, as I reach my locker, I suddenly notice Ilham standing there in gym clothes, that he has presumably just put on.
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I guess you can call him a friend ? In the barest of sense ? We do talk sometimes, only the bare minimum, but he’s always the one who leads the conversation… Well, you can’t fault me he’s so ridiculously hot without even trying, it makes me feel self-conscious even when I look how I look ! And, as if on queue, he notices my gloomy expression, and immediately confronts me about it.
“Hey Vítor ! Good workout ? Why do you look so sad like that ?” He asks, way too energetic for the situation. - Ah, it’s nothing, I had a gym date, but I was ghosted…” I answer succinctly. I don’t want to dwell on it too much. - Oh…” I can almost see the gears turning in his head, as he tries to makes sense of what I say, before he gets it. “Oh ! I’m so sorry, bro ! What a bitch to abandon you like this ! Ya know, I know a few girls I could hook you up with, I’m sure they wouldn’t do that ! - I’m sorry, girls won’t do.” I smile at his answer. “Once again, I’m gay ! - Sorry bro, I forgot again ! I swear I can make up to you !” He apologies.
He’s Azerbaijani, and due to how homosexuality is seen over there, he has a really hard time conceiving of masculine gay people. But he tries, and that’s by far the most important.
“Don’t worry, don’t worry ! But I won’t hold you up too much, especially since I already butchered my workout by waiting for him.” I urge him, as I do want to come home sooner than later. - Oh, too bad… then see you next time, bro ! Have a good afternoon ! - Have a good workout !”
He smiles to me while I wave him goodbye, visibly trying to empathize with me, before leaving the locker room in a small trot. This is how far our “friendship” goes, just simple courtesy when we see each other in the gym, which isn’t often since I don’t have a lot of time to go in the first place, and nothing beyond. I could likely try to deepen our relationship, but I feel we don’t actually have much in common, since he’s much more of a social butterfly than I’ll ever be, no matter how eager he may seem to get to know me, with all of these allusions of making me meet people or inviting me to parties.
Finally reaching my locker, I open it and find inside all my regular clothes, my phone and my other belongings, as expected. However, I also find a small piece of paper inside.
Curious, I examine it, and notice that there are actually stuff written on it. Handwritten. A secret message ? In the gym ? That’s weird…
It reads :
“You with no name and no house, do not forget who you are.”
I try to find a signature of any kind, but I do not find anything but this… warning ? poem ? I don’t really know what it’s supposed to be…
But whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to have much substance. I guess it’s not that important for me to take further notice of.
I stick the piece of paper inside my bag and take my clothes. I’m happy to have thought of taking two sets of clothing, since with loitering this long in the lobby, the staff needs to see me leaving, even if it originally was in order to have something to wear for the after-workout date. So I change, I stock everything in my bag, and leave the gym, bidding farewell to the staff at the same time.
Once I’m out of the gym, I look around to find somewhere secluded enough. I wouldn’t want to do anything in public, after all. So I walk around a bit, until I find a public bathhouse, in which I enter, since it is perfect for what I’m about to do.
See, I have quite a big secret… or rather, you know the secret, but you don’t know why it is a secret…
Suddenly, my muscles start mellowing out, my abs fading, while the rest seem to deflate. My pecs start retreating inside my body while my shoulders narrow, losing at the same time all the muscle mass making them fuse into my neck. My v-line disappears, my calves and my arms thin out, and I’m losing mass all round. At the same time, the light dusting of hair on my torso starts thinning out, just like my big beard, losing loads of length until only a few short hairs on my lip and on my chin remain. My hair also grows wildly, covering my forehead in messy coiled hair, losing any order it may have had. And as both of these processes come to an end, I lose a few centimeters of height, while my face rearranges to become more square, my facial features arrange themselves in a less symmetrical way, until it all becomes… well… not a model’s face, just a normal guy’s face.
Here is the secret : the guy that was in the gym wasn’t the real Vítor Nunes. This is the real Vítor Nunes. Just a normal guy, a bit skinny-fat, a bit twinky, a bit nerdy, but most of all an unremarkable guy. And that normal unremarkable guy gets out of his big clothes to go into his small clothes, complete with jeans and a red t-shirt. When everything is secure, I go back out to the street to head to the cafe I go to every time after the gym.
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I think I owe you an explanation.
The way I look right now is the way I always looked – well, minus aging. However, one day, about a year ago if my memory serves me right, I suddenly gained the ability to transform. I still don’t know what caused it, but all of a sudden, when I concentrate, I can change my body to reflect what I have in mind.
Of course, I’m gay, so my first instinct when I discovered this gift was to give myself big muscles, and so they magically grew. God, I loved it, it was so exciting to see my muscles swell in the mirror, it’s really a one-of-a-kind experience ! However, this is also when I learned of the limits of this power : it’s actually really uncomfortable to maintain another form for too long, especially when it’s quite far from my normal form. If you have that experience, it’s a bit like when you are in high heels, everything starts to become tricky to do (don’t ask me how I know that). That’s why when I tried to become a woman, it was so uncomfortable I could barely remain like that for a few seconds before I made my boobs go away. Therefore, while I have access to a very hot persona, I can’t maintain it forever, meaning it’s not actually that useful aside from some kind of party trick.
However, the temptation was always too strong.
I used to be a virgin, both in sex and in romance, and the dream of prince charming was a reoccurring one, especially for someone as lonely as I am. However, with this power, I could spend some time in another body, in a body in which I could look like god amongst men. And so, the Vítor Nunes you saw, the one well-thought out to be as attractive for gay men as I could think of, was born. And it’s using his body that I lost my virginity in what could be its own sub-story.
But it never went beyond that, a quick one-night stand, even though I looked very hot and not very picky. I don’t even know what I am doing wrong ! Like, sure, when I’m on dates, the other guy always wants to directly fuck, but still ! Suddenly, someone hails me.
“Hey ! Vítor ! You hear me ?”
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I’m jerked out of my thoughts, and quickly cobble an answer.
“Oh, er… hey, Satoshi ! I… didn’t notice you here ! - Well, I noticed.” He answers me, dryly.
He’s always been quite dry with me, and I don’t know why. We go to the same university, and are in the same curriculum in writing, although most of our classes reflect our different paths throughout this degree. So we talked in the few classes we had in common, but nothing more, really. I guess he’s the closest person I could classify as a “friend”, and even that is a stretch. Recently, though, he’s been acting quite weirdly. I know that he’s started attending the gym, and he’s also bleached his hair. I wonder if he is trying to impress someone or what...
“What are you doing in this part of town ?” He asks me. - Oh, I… I was just at the gym, I want to be healthier, you see…” I half-lie, hoping he will be convinced. - I see…” He looks at me, squinting. He doesn’t seem convinced. “Well, what matters is that you become the real you. Now, I’m sorry, but I need to go. Bye.”
What ? What was he mumbling ? I look at him as he continues his way opposite to where I’m heading. He seems to be in quite the hurry, I wonder where he’s heading… Recently, he hasn’t got a lot of time, I always find him almost avoiding talking to people, and always disappearing once class is dismissed. Is gym this much of a time-eater or does he also have something I don’t know of ? … N-not that it interests me this much, of course, that’s his own private life !
Ugh… To save myself from my own thoughts, I enter the cafe and go at the back of the file. When I’m finally at the counter, I go to order, before the woman behind the counter, Sandra, recognizes me. I’m a regular at this cafe, after all.
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“Hey Vítor, I didn’t expect you this early ! - Yeah, I had something to do with someone, but he never showed up.” I once again lie by omission, though I admittedly give her a more accurate picture. - Oh, I’m so sorry for you !” She brings her hand on her mouth to empathize with me. She’s always been very expressive. “But speaking of people not showing up, I’m guessing you want an americano, like usual ? - Yes ?” I answer, unsure where she’s heading with this. - Well that’s great ! Because a kind soul actually bought you one !”
Smiling, she gives me an already prepared americano, to which a piece of paper is attached, that I take with a confused look.
“And… to whom I owe the honor ?” In ask her. - Well, that person asked to remain anonymous ! But they told me that you should be able to piece together who they are thanks to this piece of paper I attached !” She answers, radiating in glee. Yeah, she also loves drama. - Okay… well, give them my thanks if you see them, I guess…”
I wave her goodbye and take place at an outside table. Another piece of paper ? It must be a coincidence, the consequences of it not being are way too scary for me to dwell on too much. Yet, when I read it, these consequences seem more and more like reality…
“For you really have a beautiful self, especially when you show your true face.”
It’s the same handwriting as the note I found at the gym ! Plus, when putting the two pieces of paper, it really does seem to be directly talking about my transformations… But who is it, and what do they want from me ? How did they find out about my secret ? And why this sudden… flirty tone ?
I sigh, and quickly drink my coffee. Due to the fact that it has already been prepared, it means that it’s a bit colder than usual, meaning it’s easier to drink. Wait… if it’s barely colder than usual… does this mean that the one having ordered it was here barely a few minutes ago ? But if it’s so, then how could they have slipped another piece of paper inside my locker ?
The caffeine starts hitting my brain, making me mull over the facts and imagine who could be the one to deliver these notes. Whoever they are, they seem to know my routine, since they knew that I would go to this cafe after the gym. It means that it’s very likely someone I know, or at least someone whose face I have already seen. They also have been witness to one of my transformations somehow, so they’ve likely hung out at the gym… or been one of my earlier dates perhaps ?
Everything is confusing, I just cannot find a way to make sense of all of that ! And… what will happen now that my secret is revealed ? Am I suddenly going to become a lab rat, as my weird condition is revealed to all ? Am I going to have to perform weird or even illegal tasks to stave off outing of my power ? Am I going to be recruited by a criminal organization in order to perform heists as an unknown person ?
Looking at my empty cup, I understand I’ve now gone too far in my thoughts. I’m likely not going to be coerced by a criminal ringleader to commit crimes. That’s ridiculous.
I dispose of my cup and head home. I’ve seen enough today, and I really need an actual break. So I take the bus, a few connecting ones until I’m finally back where I live. Before entering, I quickly go to check if there’s anything in the mailbox. And as if on queue, there is, some random account statements and other official stuff… and another of those papers.
They know where I live ! Now I can actually be scared ! For sure they’re going to make me do crimes or intern me inside a research center, I know it ! Shaking, I take out the piece of paper, and read it. It is written with the same handwriting as the others, so it confirms the fact that they do know a lot about me, but… er… eh ? Here is what it says :
“You are always worthy of love, so never forget the above.”
Wait wait wait, from the beginning, the flirty was what it was all actually about ? It is a love declaration ? … I guess it does rule out the criminal possibility… So who could it be ?
Thinking about it… It can’t be Sandra at the cafe, her shift wouldn’t let her go in the gym when I was there, and she was the one saying that they bought the coffee and left me the message. It can’t be Satoshi, although he could have bought me coffee, he couldn’t put the message in my locker, since I didn’t see him entering the gym, and he was actually walking towards the gym when I saw him. Plus, he’s so dry with me I’d think he hates me before I’d think he loves me. It can’t be Ilham, although he could have put his message in my locker before I entered, he’s currently at the gym, so he couldn’t buy me coffee. Plus, to my knowledge, he’s straight, and he’s still learning English, so he couldn’t have written such a complicated “poem”.
And I didn’t see anyone else during my little trip, so it could literally be anyone else !
But wait… looking back at the three pieces of paper, of the sequence they put together… it reminds me of something… I open my door and quickly make my way to my computer. I need to check something. To check a certain creative writing homework I had in first year.
And finding it… yes. I was correct. This is directly taken from it. The homework we did in duo back in first year of college. It’s weird… is it… really him ?
I close back up my computer, put down all of my stuff while continuing to mull over this revelation. But all of my thinking leads me to one conclusion and one only : I need to call him. So I take out my phone and do just that.
“Hello, Vítor ? Why do you call me ?” He asks, picking up almost immediately after me calling. - I just wanted to ask… do you remember our creative homework, back in first year ? - Yeah, I do, of course I do. - And… have you recently used it for anything ?”
I hear a sigh. Of course I was right.
“So you understood that it was me. I think we both have things to say to each other, so let us meet. - I guess we do.”
And so I go back out of my house, back to where it all started. Back to the gym. I walk for a bit, take a few buses, and when I’ve finally arrived, none other than Satoshi was waiting for me in front of the gym.
“Hello again, Satoshi.” I hail him. “So, you said we had to discuss ? - Yes. Let me be clear at first : I know that you have a muscular alter-ego that you can become. I don’t know why, or how, but I know you do. - How… did you know ?” I ask, a bit anxious, while he smiles at my question. - Well, you see… since the beginning of the year, you’ve been quite absent, and it made me quite worried.” He began recounting, feeling in his way of speaking way more personal and warm. “Honestly, while at first I thought to myself that you can have your own life, and that I shouldn’t interfere with it, your presence started to feel… missing.”
Huh, I didn’t know that I turned him down this much when I discovered my power. I thought that everything was just going as usual, only talking while in public transports and all… Yeah, I guess since I started going to the gym to get hookups, I changed my route after class, meaning that it overlapped less… I didn’t consider that…
“So, one day, I decided to follow you. Discreetly, of course, until you went to that gym. I… I didn’t know why you would go in there, but following you, I saw you entering a changing room… and out left a muscular man. It doesn’t take a genius to understand that it was you. - So this is how you understood that I had powers… - Yes. But this is not the end of my tale. Because I then thought of why I cared so much about you not being available. It wasn’t the first time someone would more or less abandon me out of the blue like that, but it was the first time I was this agitated. Especially because our relationship wasn’t that deep, all things considered. This lead me to the conclusion that I… er... want to spend more time with you, and made me realize that… in truth… er…” He blushes, suddenly trailing off and having a hard time to articulate clearly. “That… that I’m in love with you.”
Although I expected it, I still blush. He’s so straightforward ! And… it’s so unexpected, all things considered ! I guess I still had in mind the possibility that he was just trying to hype me up, somehow ?
“And what really angers me most,” He continues “is that you are overt there trying to be as ‘masculine’, as ‘beautiful’ or anything else to woo people, even though you’re already great the way you are ! And how you sabotage yourself by catering to this image of yourself you invented, going to the gym and all…”
I don’t know what to say. I guess I’ve been really focused in being as much of a gym rat as I could, else my cover would be ridiculous…
“Is it like that ?” I can finally manage. “That people don’t bye the muscular self I have ? - No. I- I don’t think that’s it. It’s more that you do it too well, so they don’t see you as anything more than a gym rat. I guess it all feels wrong and not personal, because it’s not you ! You’re forcing yourself to be someone you’re not ! B-but… since I have the privilege of knowing who you really are… I want to say that the real you is more. It’s beautiful, and warrants love…” He says, blushing even more. - H-how are you saying this with a straight face…” I answer, smiling, while being swept by the wave of awkwardness he radiates. - I’m not… But I really want to tell you what things really are. Because you deserve it.” He takes a large inspiration. “So. Do you want to go out with me ?”
By now, I fully knew what was coming.
And I know my answer.
“Yes, I do.”
“Hey, I’m home !” I announce, coming back home.
However, I do not find any answer to my call, even though Satoshi is supposed to come to my house this evening. He’s likely not there yet, I’m sure taken by his work, meaning that it’s going to be at least a small while until he makes it here.
I smirk. I know what to do to him. He will hate that, but it will be way too fun an opportunity to pass up. So I go to my room, completely undress, and take out some of the special clothes I still have stashed in the corner of my cupboard. In particular, I take out a very big par of jeans, the kind that would usually never fit me.
Then, all of a sudden, I feel my muscles tense up. They’re pulsating, getting progressively bigger and bigger. My pecs are the most noticeable of all of them, rounding up and sagging down in big globes attached to my torso, but everything else gains in mass. My shoulders crack as they’re pushing apart, muscles growing between them and my neck, and a light dusting of black hair starts appearing on them. They descend all over my body, on my torso, beneath my armpits, in my crotch, and on my legs. My crotch also embiggens, the hose hiding inside taking more and more place, while on the rear side my ass cheeks firm up, and gets bigger just like the pecs upstairs.
As it all happens, my face also itches, as the little hairs that are on it start growing, elongating my face at the same time. These hair grow all over my chin into a long beard, while on my lip they only grow denser. At the same time, my face rearranges to become more conventionally attractive, more symmetrical, and my hair starts shortening a bit, and becoming more well-kept.
As the last few details of my transformation arrange themselves, I put the large jeans on, not even bothering to put on underwear before that. Yup, that’s very sexy alright, he’s gonna hate that ! And so my muscular self takes place in the living room, waiting for his beloved to come.
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Because this time, I know my prince charming will come.
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Hey ! A story (that was again hard to write) for the last few hours of Pride Month, if it's even still on in your part of the world ! ^^'
I hope we in the TF community can recognize all the colors of the rainbow and all the letters of the acronym, including bi (and similar identities) and trans people ! And I also hope that we can all help to build, each to our ability, a better and more tolerant world (especially in the face of the rise of hateful ideologies around the world, yes I'm quivering at the results of my elections ^^')
So yeah, happy pride, everyone !
232 notes · View notes
dira333 · 6 months
Text
Don't judge a man by his cover - Kiyoshi Teppei x Reader
requested by anon - I'd love to get to know you, you're so creative with your prompts
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The worst part of being an exemplary student? Getting picked for the job of babysitter.
No, you don’t want to show some freshman how to get around College. You’ve got assignments to finish and deadlines to catch and if you’re falling behind on your reading because you had to hold someone’s hand, who’s going to hold your hand? 
-
“Kiyoshi Teppei?” You ask, mouth turning dry the moment he gets up from his chair. He’s a giant. He’s going to crush you with one hand. 
You blink down at your paper, the bare minimum of information on your sheet. 
“You’re eighteen?” You ask, unable to keep the disbelief out of your voice.
“Sorry,” he smiles, “I know I look younger.” 
He doesn’t. He looks like he could be passing for thirty. He’s probably buying Soju for younger guys, pretending to be their father when the cops call.
“Well, follow me,” you croak out, knees turning into jelly when he smiles down on you like that.
-
Thirty minutes in you’re starting to believe less and less that he’s barely turned eighteen.
Kiyoshi walks like a grandpa, hands folded behind his back. 
He smiles up at the birds and down at the flowers and when a particularly rowdy freshman runs past you, he lets out a low whistle and calls the guy a “rascal” of all things.
“So, uh…” You look down at your notes, “What are you going to study?” 
“Sports education,” Kiyoshi explains with a smile. “It’s important to look out for the next generation, don’t you think?”
“Eh…” You start, but you don’t know what to say.
“What are you studying?” Kiyoshi asks, eyes crinkling at the corner as she smiles with his whole face.
“Medicine.” That’s an easy answer. “I’ve always wanted to go that direction, but I’m still a little undecided which direction to go into.”
“Ah?” 
“Well, there’s sports medicine, which I’m currently most interested in, but I also think veterinary medicine is important. I don’t think I could work with children. While it can give you a lot, if the cases are sad, they are very sad, you know?”
He nods. His smile is warm and inviting. Your lips move on their own.
-
“Hungry?” Kiyoshi points at the little bistro. You blink, check the time on your watch, and flinch back in shame. 
“I’m so sorry!” You rush out, “I didn’t mean to blabber this much. You barely saw anything yet! If we turn left now, we can still catch-”
“Or…” he interrupts you softly, “We can get something to eat first and discuss some of my questions. I’m sure you would prefer doing this introduction in a few short, separate times instead of all at once, right?”
“Well,” you start. Kiyoshi opens the door to the bistro for you, waves his large hand to invite you in. You don’t really have an argument against it. 
- - -
“Any more questions?” You ask, popping another fry in your mouth.
Kiyoshi’s leaning back in his chair, hands folded behind his head. He’s whistling something, eyes almost closed. If you didn’t know better, you’d think he’s falling asleep.
“Are you free on Saturday?” He asks and you blink, a little surprised.
“I am, why? Did I forget anything?”
“No, you went over everything in minute detail, I appreciate that. But I wanted to ask you out.”
You halt, another fry halfway to your mouth. 
“You’re asking me out?” You ask.
Kiyoshi smiles. “I am.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
You cock your head to the side and muster him. He’s not one to make jokes about this kind of thing, at least that’s what you gathered from the five times you’ve met so far.
Kiyoshi’s good at listening, even better at asking the questions that make you start talking. He probably knows you better than you know him and you did think you got him figured out already.
“Why would I date you?” You ask, try to sound more confident than you feel.
His knee presses against yours. You doubt it’s a coincidence, not after sitting close like this for thirty minutes without ever touching. His smile is soft and warm, giving you the (wrong) impression that he’s slow on the uptake, on thinking this through.
You should have figured out sooner that he’s pretty sly if he wants to be. 
“I’ll buy you fries?” He poses it like a question. You press your knee against his and his smile turns mischievous, if only for a heartbeat.
Kiyoshi Teppei is not the fool he likes to pretend he is. There’s a depth to him that makes you want to know more.
You nod, pop the now cold fry into your mouth and grin.
“Fries and a milkshake, please.”
- - -
“Honey?” Teppei’s large frame swallows all the light and you blink, look up from the book you’d been reading in. He’s towering over your bed like the giant he is, a strawberry-themed Squishmallow in his gigantic hands.
“What?”
“It’s time for bed.”
You blink again and check the clock. Okay, yes, it is pretty late. But you only have like, twenty pages in this chapter, and-
“If we go to bed now, we can still cuddle before you fall asleep…” Kiyoshi explains, voice slow and careful as if he’s just now pondering it. But he’s a sly one, your boyfriend, and you’re pretty sure that Squishmallow isn’t dancing in front of you because he just picked it up at random.
“I guess I could be convinced,” you start, squealing when he picks you up with ease. You don’t flail in his hold, not when he’s pulled you this close, your nose digging into his hair now, your chest probably smothering him. 
“Okay, okay, we can snuggle,” you agree, laughing now that you’re in his arms. “Jeez, you could have just asked.”
You sense the pinch before you feel it. You can’t help but giggle, slinging your arms around him as he puts you back down, pulling him with you as best as you can.
You can read more in the morning, cuddling Teppei is more important right now.
my Kofi if you want to tip me
201 notes · View notes
ichorai · 1 year
Text
hell, yeah ; roman roy ; part two (m).
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pairing ; roman roy x f!reader
synopsis ; pain was an old friend for the both of you.
words ; 32.0k
themes ; fluff, angst, drama, slowburn, smut, childhood friends to lovers
warnings / includes ; depictions of mental and physical abuse, talks of sexual misconduct (cruises incidents), mentions of death, a lot of sexual/suicidal jokes and general foul language, a lot of business talk, phone sex & a handjob, degradation, roman’s implied demisexuality, reader's got a tooth motif bcs all the other roy sibs have their own motifs, a lot of morally grey shit
series masterlist. main masterlist.
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The Roy’s summer home in the Hamptons was nothing short of grand. That was always the bare minimum for the family, after all. Though you had been preoccupied with work, having a lot piled up because of your time off for Shiv’s wedding—you had dropped quite a few important meetings to come at Logan’s behest. He called for you, and for all his children, to come to the Hamptons and discuss his plans to sell the company.
You stepped into the home, hands buried within your pockets. Immediately, you were hit by an overwhelmingly foul stench. It smelled an awful lot like rotten meat and, strangely, the piss-sodden alleyways in New York. Your face twisted into a grimace as you strode in, finding Kendall wandering aimlessly downstairs.
“Hey, uh, hi,” he said, awkwardly reaching for a hug when you stuck your arm out for a handshake. The both of you gingerly stepped away from each other.
“What’s that smell?” you asked, knowing full and well that Roman and Shiv were still quite angry with him for basically stabbing them in the back.
“Oh, uh, I don’t know. I think they’re trying to figure that out,” he replied, waving his hands around to gesture to the milling workers. “You, uhm, you’ll get used to it. Listen, Y/N, I know you and Rome are close, so I just wanted to ask if you could… talk to him. For me.”
Arching a brow, you tilted your head. “You can’t talk to him yourself?”
“He’s not… he’s being difficult right now.”
“Understandably so.”
There was a melancholic look to his eyes. “I know. Can you just tell him I’m sorry? I want… I want us to be okay.”
Pursing your lips, you gave him a firm nod. “Okay, yeah, sure. No promises that it’d change anything, though. You know where he is?”
“By the beach. With Shiv.”
With a hum of farewell, you started backing off, making your way to the sandy shores not too far from the house. You spotted their figures in the distance, bundled in dark coats and long scarves. When they spotted you approaching, the both of them waved.
“Hey, guys,” you greeted, smiling brightly.
“Hey, fuck-face,” said Roman, giving you a quick hug, before stepping back to allow Shiv to do the same. “We were all waiting for you.”
“Sorry I’m late—work has been kicking my ass lately.” 
Snorting, Roman quipped, “You know you can take a couple days to relax, right? I’m literally your boss.”
“I’m a general manager, Rome. If I stop, that’s a large chunk of Waystar down. I’m trying to keep the company from sinking further into the depths of hell,” you said lightly, crossing your arms. “But it seems like Logan wants to sell it away. What’s our viewpoint?”
The both of them struggled for words.
“If the selling isn’t actually real… like some kind of fucked-up loyalty test, we were just talking about how dad’s going to kill Kendall,” said Shiv, looking none too upset about the prospect. “How that would mean it could be Rome who takes up the mantle.”
That made sense. Connor was not an option, not in Logan’s eyes. He was barely a son to the man, much less the heir to his legacy.
“It could,” you said, careful. “It could also mean you, though.”
 Both you and Roman stared Shiv down. 
Finally, she caved and shook her head with a humorless laugh. “Yeah. Yes, it could be me.”
Sensing that the two of them were on the verge of another catfight, you quickly intercepted, “I bumped into Kendall in the house just now. He wanted me to, uhm, tell you that he’s sorry.”
Roman’s features twisted. “Well, tell him he can stick his apologies up his ass.”
“I’m not a fucking messenger! Tell him that yourself.”
Rolling her eyes, Shiv jerked her head back to the house. “We should probably get back inside. Dad’s gonna be here any minute by now.”
It was on your trek back that the three of you bumped into Kendall, who was wearing sunglasses even though the sky wasn’t all that visible through the gloomy clouds. Both Shiv and Roman didn’t hesitate to duke out their frustrations on him, asking why he changed his mind on the takeover so quickly. 
“You do realize how fucked you’re going to be once you’re no longer of any use to him, right?” asked Roman to his older brother. “He’s got you eating fuckin’ humiliation gumbo on TV, and then what? Nothing.”
Snickering, Shiv added in, “Dad’s gonna play a merry tune on you and then throw you out the fucking window. You know that, right?”
“He’s like a sex robot for dad to fuck,” said Rome.
“He’s like a beaten dog.”
“He’s both of those things—and also a piece of shit.”
To your surprise, Kendall stood by and took all the insults his siblings lobbied at him, expression permanently fixed into one of unadulterated misery. A part of you felt bad for him, but another part of you knew he’d brought this upon himself.
Shiv stepped closer to him, each one of her words saturated in venom. “He’s a fucking narcissist who repeatedly puts his self-interest above everything else, and then tries to justify it with half-assed appeals of the rigors of the fucking market.”
“You’re a fucking prick,” Roman finally tacked on after Shiv’s mini-monologue. He glanced over at you. “Y/N, you wanna throw a punch?”
“What were you thinking, Kendall?” you quietly asked. “In what world did you see yourself winning against your father? And even if you did win, it’d be at the cost of your siblings. Would you kill them for your own personal gain? And not to mention that you relapsed and you’re not getting the help you need. You didn’t even thank Roman and I for picking you up from that addict’s shithole. We got you out of there because we were worried for you. We care about you. And you threw that right back in his face.”
Your words lingered heavily between the four of you. 
When Kendall remained as silent as a statue, Roman let out a loud groan, rolling his eyes to the side. “Come on! Fight back, you fuck-bag.”
“Guys, I just… I…” Kendall paused to look off into the waters. “I can’t get into it.”
“Oh, you can’t get into it? Shucks,” Roman mocked. “Fuck you. Come on, man. Treat us! Why did you actually back out?”
Shame flooded his features. He completely disregarded Roman’s question by telling his little sister, “I’m sorry, Shiv. About the wedding.”
There were tears in her eyes. Her father had made her cry after ruining family therapy, and now her older brother was making her cry after ruining her wedding. 
“How dare you apologize to me?” she asked, a sharp edge to her tone. With that, she rotated on her heel and strode off. 
You and Roman followed after her, your arm linked with his.
“You look like shit, by the way,” Roman murmured to his brother as he brushed past him.
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By the time you got back to the house, you caught sight of the cooks dumping the expensive food they’d been preparing and laboring over for hours straight into the trash. When you wondered aloud what was going on, one of them quietly answered that they’d found the source of the smell—a dead raccoon covered in maggots, rotting in the chimney. Logan demanded all the food be removed because it’d been sitting around in the stench, calling for pizza to be ordered instead. 
When lunch rolled around, you sat between Roman and Kendall, feeling incredibly tense. The atmosphere between the siblings had yet to clear, and you weren’t quite sure if it ever would. The chatter died away when Logan cleared his throat sharply to quell the commotion and greet the family.
He began with a blunt address of the bear hug situation, which you noticed made Kendall’s foot tap against the floor in agitation.
“I guess the question is… do we really want this fight?” he asked. “Or is now the moment to cash in and fuck off out of the casino?”
Silence. He was met with dead silence.
“If we do fight, I need to tell the board who I want to take over,” said Logan. “So, please—I want you to speak freely.”
His words made Shiv tip her head back and scoff-laugh. “Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law?”
“Come on! We’re pals here. Let’s fuckin’ have it out!” gruffed Logan as he surveyed the table.
As if to purposefully push her father’s buttons, Shiv crossed her arms and pointedly kept her mouth shut. 
Tentative, Kendall spoke, “I think you should fight, but, uh… you’re the one who built it all. The man, the myth, the legend.”
In a condescending tone, Roman crooned, “Aw. That’s adorable. You’re always lookin’ out for Pops, aren’t you?”
“But is he saying Dad should stay on because that’s what Sandy and Stewy would want?” asked Connor with a frown, ever the conspiracist. “How do we know he’s not a double agent?”
“Nice to see you, too, Con,” mumbled Kendall.
Shaking his head, the older brother said, “Hey, Ken, I’m just saying what others are thinking.”
“It’s possible,” Shiv added, narrowing her eyes.
“Should we frisk him for a wire? Burn him? See if he’s a witch?” joked Roman, scratching at the back of his head.
Interrupting the banter, Logan said, “He’s taken his medicine.”
“Taken his medicine?” Shiv parroted in an affronted manner. “Is that it? Dad—you beat Roman with a fucking slipper in Gustav until he cried for ordering lobster, remember? And Kendall tries to kill you and he’s only five minutes out in the cold?”
You remembered that day. When you’d casually told Roman that you preferred lobster over crab. How he tried to order it for you instead of what was already on the table, and how an already ticked-off Logan was tipped over the edge and lost his shit, taking his frustrations out on Roman. The memory of the actual beating itself was hazy—all you could recall were thuds and muffled whimpers, fearful tears on your cheeks. The purple bruises on his face didn’t fade away for a long while. He would try to joke about it, but you never found it funny. You had apologized over and over again, until Roman told you to shut up and forget about it, nonchalantly adding that he wanted the lobster, too. That it wasn’t just for you.
But it was. It was all yours, had Roman been successful in acquiring the crustacean for you. You didn’t need to know that, though.
Trying his best to shrug off Shiv’s words, Roman tilted his head to the side and quipped, “Well, it’s not polite to order the most expensive item on the menu when you’re not paying, Siobhan.”
Logan could dump a billion dollars into an incinerator and that would barely even make a dent on how much wealth he was hoarding, you wanted to say. You kept your mouth firmly shut, biting down on your tongue.
As per typical Logan fashion, he brushed off the call-out of his abuse to his son. “We’re not doing memory lane here. Come on, spit it out. What do you all think? Stick or sell?”
“Well, I think you’re in the prime of your life,” chimed Tom. “I think another decade is just what the doctor ordered.”
From beside you, Roman’s knee nudged into yours as he began miming choking on a dick. You smiled, almost laughing out loud, but caught yourself before you did. 
“I, uhm, I think selling seems cool…” began Willa.
“Hey, Dad, Willa thinks selling seems cool!” snorted Roman, which made Willa fall uncomfortably silent.
With a disapproving stare, Connor bit out, “Asshole.”
“You,” said Logan. It took you a moment to realize that he was staring directly at you. Heat prickled at the back of your neck. “What do you think?”
You sat up straighter in your chair. “You’ll be rich enough to live a thousand lives if you sell. You’ll still be rich enough to do so if you stay in the game. The only difference is, you lose your legacy if you go with the former.”
Scrutinizing you, Logan dipped his head and took a sip of champagne. “Mmh, wise words, sure. Not your opinion, though. Not what I asked for. Those are just facts we all fuckin’ know. Bah—don’t waste my time. Fucking useless. Leeching off of me while your parents are parading in a nameless exotic country, drinking their brains into toxic liquid that leaks out of their ears.”
Shame curled within your stomach, and a blistering flush spidered through your skin. You could feel all eyes on you, including Roman’s. You were no stranger to Logan’s verbal abuse, but it’d been a long time since he brought up your parents' and their neglectful nature. The wounds were reopened, and stung much worse than you remembered.
Drumming her fingers against the table, Shiv said, “Dad, I think it’s possible that you’ve somewhat chilled the atmosphere of free-flowing debate here.”
“You know, Kodak was trading at about a hundred dollars a share back in ‘97. Yesterday, you could pick it up for about three bucks. That could be us. If we cash out, we could walk away with ten billion.” Logan glanced at his youngest son, noticing how he’d shuffled his chair closer to you. “Roman. What do you think?”
Swallowing, Roman shrugged. “I dunno, Dad. I fuckin’ love money, but I’m really scared of you, so…” He made a high-pitched noise, barely passable as a laugh. “Yeah, uhm, honestly—I’m not sure I’m willing to give my strategic advice in a public forum when I could just be a, uh, a player in any future moves.”
There was obvious exasperation in Logan’s eyes. Disappointments, the lot of you were in his eyes. Without another word, Logan stood up and began to hobble out of the dining room, pizza left untouched. 
“Uhm, Dad?” Roman called out after him, confused. 
He didn’t respond.
Roman patted your back twice before getting up as well, following after his father. Shiv was hot on his heels.
One by one, Logan had told them through the door he had closed behind him. He wanted his kids to come in one by one, alone, so that he could have their unfiltered opinion.
Roman went in first, but not before squeezing your hand, and slipping through. When he emerged only ten minutes later, his face was despondent. But his lips were twitching upwards, and you could immediately tell that he was just faking it.
“He’s dying,” he joked with faux anguish. “Riddled with cancer.”
The way Shiv’s brows kinked told him that she didn’t find it all that funny. “Rome.”
“What? It’s a joke. It’s funny. Dad’s got cancer. What’s not funny about that?” You patted his back and nudged him over to the couches, where Connor and Willa were sitting.
The eldest son rolled his eyes. “Sick puppy,” he called Roman.
“No, but seriously, he asked me to run the company.” Dead silence. “I’m kidding. Or am I?”
It was then that Logan called for Shiv to go in. You took Roman’s arm, leading him off into another room, where it was quieter.
“Hope you’re not planning on molesting me back here,” Roman languidly commented, but didn’t fight off your grip. “Nobody would believe me after what I said about Dad—I’d be like the boy who cried wolf.”
“Rome,” you said, partially exasperated, partially somber. “What did he say back there?”
The man across from you scratched at the back of his head. “Honestly? Nothing.”
“Hm?”
“I mean—I explained to him that it’d be smart to sell some shit, keep some shit. Financialize the company. I don’t know. Couldn’t really gauge his reaction—then he just said okay and told me I could go.” Your friend rested his hands on his hips. “Do you think that was smart? Do you, uhm, think he thinks that was stupid?”
It took you another moment to shake your head tentatively. “I think you did the best you could, given the ultimatum. Besides—you wouldn’t really want to run this shitshow, would you?”
He stepped back in an affronted manner. “What do you mean? You don’t think I can do it?”
“It’s not a matter of whether or not you can do it, Ro. It’s about if you want to or not. And I know you wouldn’t. It’s not… it’s not you. You’ve always said the company was like a cage for you.”
The way Roman squared his shoulders told you that he was growing defensive. “Yeah, well, it’s like a fuckin’—a good fuckin’ golden cage. An amazing cage. A cage where I can roll around and throw shit at people. I’d like to stay here for the rest of my life.”
“Do you? Really?”
“What, is this some kind of reverse psychology bullshit Dad put you up to? Just—” He stepped back when you reached out for him. “Fuck off.”
With a huff, you shook your head. “Roman, you need to pull your head out of your fucking ass and realize that I’m the only friend you have. If you can’t trust me, you’re fucked.”
There was a tense beat of silence between you.
Then, he narrowed his eyes on you. “If you stab my back, I’m going to kill you, then throw myself off the highest building I can find. It’ll be like a Shakespearean tragedy.”
“Okay, Rome.”
“I’ll put your head on a spike. Keep it as decoration.”
Slowly, he let you wrap your arms around him. “Okay, Romeo.”
“I’ll pluck your teeth out and wear them around my neck like a string of pearls.”
“Love you, too, Ro,” you said, hugging him tight.
“Yeah, whatever, fuck-face.” He buried his nose into your neck, inhaling sharply. “I knew you were going to molest me.”
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The family reconvened later that night, where Logan announced that he decided he was going to keep the company, claiming his ambitions to be the last man standing. Then, he pronounced Roman and Kendall as co-chief operating officers, much to everyone’s dismay.
“We need to stick tight—tighter than ever now,” Logan defended when Roman began to protest. 
“But he—no. No, I’m sorry. Excuse me? He… he tried to help your oldest enemy to take over and now he’s getting a fucking promotion? Is that what’s happening?” Rome asked from beside you, arms crossed over his chest. 
The old man nodded. “That’s my decision.”
“Well, it’s bullshit,” Roman declared.
Quiet settled over the group. 
Like a dog being kicked, Roman withered away beneath his father’s contemptuous stare. You put a hand on his shoulder. 
“And you’re going to name a successor?” Connor asked.
“After some consideration, I think we just need a name to flag privately to big investors for now. I mean, it could be anyone. I’m not going anywhere. Could be a stuffed fuckin’ shirt. Could be Y/N, for all I know.”
Did he just compare you to a stuffed shirt—?
“Gerri,” said Logan. “It could be Gerri. We might as well say it’s Gerri.”
With a quirked brow, Shiv said, “Congratulations.”
Her godmother tilted her head and shifted in her seat. “Wow. Okay. Thank you.”
“It won’t be Gerri,” Logan rudely clarified. “But Gerri’s fine. Just so we’re clear.”
She was an expert at hiding her disdain, clearing her throat slightly. “No, yeah, I think we’re very clear.”
With that, Logan dismissed himself, calling for Kendall to follow after him. His number one boy.
It was clear that Roman was still upset. He pulled away from you to go sulk about to his sister.
That night, when the moon shone brighter in the Roy’s summer home than it ever did in the city, and you were buried under a thick blanket, you felt the mattress dip beneath another person’s weight. You didn’t need to open your eyes to know it was Roman.
“Shut up,” he gruffed when you smiled ever so slightly, even though you hadn’t said anything.
You hummed pleasantly when he curled his arms around your form like a koala would a tree. The two of you fell asleep that way, breathing each other in and dreaming of necklaces made of teeth.
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The acquisition to take on PGM was a bad fucking idea. One of the worst you’ve heard, in fact. When Logan brought it up to you and a few other managers during a meeting, you didn’t hesitate to go bee-lining for Roman’s office, demanding him to tell you every single detail.
“So, you think this is, like, not good?” he asked, voice high-pitched and unstable. Just earlier today, he’d been telling his dad and Shiv what a great idea this was.
“No, Roman. It’s not fucking good. I’m sorry, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want the most trustworthy news source in America right now to be adopted into a fuckin’... fascist, right-wing, conservative dick jerking fest!” You drummed your fingers against his table. “Ro, this can’t happen. It could very well tank Waystar, and news media outlets in general. Reliability goes down, money goes down, our rivals go up. The political climate couldn’t handle such a change like this—”
Pulling at his face, Roman shook his head. “Fuckin’ political climate. Everything’s about the political climate these days. Fuck!”
“Roman, I’m being serious,” you said, brows furrowing. 
He sucked in a deep breath. “Fuck. Ugh—fuck! You are… you’re so…” He made an unintelligible noise while shaking his fists at you, nose wrinkling. “You’re right. God. I hate saying that. Feels like I just took a bite out of a rock. But even if you are, I can’t just stab dad in the back like that.”
Shoulders loosening, you nodded in understanding. “What’re you gonna do?”
“Tabitha is friends with Naomi Pierce. I’ll ask her to get me in touch,” Roman said, lips pursed to the side. It didn’t go past your notice that his stance on the Pierce situation was still left ambiguous. 
Your eyebrows raised a fraction. “Tabitha? You guys still going steady?”
“Uh-huh. Yup. Never better,” he replied, a tad too quickly.
“Really?” you asked. To none of his surprise, you read him like an open book. “You must really like her.”
“Mhm.”
“But not like-like her?”
Roman clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth in distaste. “What are you, nine?”
“You didn’t say yes,” you said in a sing-song voice. Then, you sobered up to seriously tell him, “Oh, Ro, she’s a great catch, sure, but if you don’t have romantic feelings for her, then don’t string her along like that.”
Rolling his eyes to the side, Roman tried his best to sidestep the topic. “It’s none of your beeswax, you prick. Anyways—you’re coming to Hungary, right? Corporate retreat and all that jazz.”
You didn’t feel like the conversation about Tabitha was quite over, but you let it slide for now. “Yes, Roman. Not really looking forward to it, now that I have to deal with an entire acquisition worth billions hovering over me.”
“Just relax for now—it’s not concrete, even if dad says it is.” Roman stood up from his desk to go pour himself a drink. “I’ll save you a spot on the plane. Next to me, if I’m feeling nice. Next to Greg if I want to be entertained by watching you kill yourself in front of him.”
“Thanks, Romeo,” you dryly said.
“You’re welcome. Okay, you can go away now. I wanna jerk off in front of the window without you watching this time. If you stay, I’ll fuck you against it, and that’d be my one-way ticket to a stern finger-wagging by HR.”
With a snort, you got up from your chair, heading for the door. You couldn’t help the way your cheeks burst aflame at his words, even though you knew it was just light-hearted banter. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, you fuckin’ slut.”
“Bitch,” he shot back, just as you stepped foot out of his office. 
“Whore!” you yelled over your shoulder, loud enough to have a few employees turn their head curiously. 
Roman watched you go through the glass windows, shaking his head with fond amusement.
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The estate in Hungary was surrounded by forests and clean air—a stark contrast to New York. You were walking alongside Roman down to the hunting grounds, hands shoved into the pockets of your jacket. The rifle slung across his shoulder kept bumping into you, and you would push him away with a mild grin each time it did. He wasn’t very good at walking straight, eventually colliding into you mere minutes later.
The amicable atmosphere was effectively killed when Kendall approached the two of you, solemn-faced as ever. 
“Hey, guys,” he greeted in a monotone voice. “Listen, I have a question.”
Both of you stared at him, waiting for him to go on.
After an awfully lengthy pause he continued, “So, uh, did you guys get a call from that biographer?”
Right. You’d been in the middle of discussing with Tom how he’d landed a top position at ATN when your phone began to ring. You politely excused yourself to take the call, surprised to hear a woman claiming to write an unauthorized biography on your godfather—and she wanted you as a source. Though you had many opinions on a man, you knew that voicing them would be nothing but trouble for you.
Roman rolled his eyes. “I mean, yeah, obviously. I’m the interesting one, after all.”
When you laughed, Roman grinned along with you. 
“I got a call, too,” you admitted. “Did you?”
Tilting his head into a nod, Kendall mumbled, “Yeah. I did.”
“Well? Are you thinking of talking to her?” asked Roman.
“I don’t know,” Kendall said. “Maybe. You guys?”
“No… but if you’re going to talk to her, then I guess I have to talk to her, too. Just to correct your bullshit,” Roman responded.
Two seconds of silence before you huffed out a sigh. “It's a messy business that I don’t want to involve myself in. If Logan finds out, which I’m sure he will, I’m not going to let myself be killed because of it.”
The two started talking about Pierce. Both of them sounded so awfully fake about the entire ordeal that you wanted to bash their heads together and force them not to speak through a brown nosing filter. Their conversation came to a halt when Roman’s phone began to ring, and he stepped away to answer privately, much to Kendall’s chagrin.
“Hey, Kendall,” you broached, rocking your weight back and forth on your heels. “If you talk to that writer, Logan won’t be as forgiving to you this time. He’ll slit your throat in front of everyone to see.”
The man who you onced looked up to as an older brother stared at you with a dead expression. “I know,” was all he said. 
Once Roman came ambling back, Kendall began to interrogate him about the call. Defensive, Roman lied—you knew he was. He had an obvious tell: the way his nose would twitch and his left eye went all squinty. The older brother told him he was full of shit.
Before they could break out in another argument, a Hungarian hunter came up to the three of you, claiming that the truck was ready to take them out into the wilderness. 
“Let’s go murder a terrified mammal,” quipped Roman, taking your hand and leading you away from Kendall.
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The hunting party returned to the estate with four boars. You took no part in the killings, having stayed in the truck to speak to Gerri on the phone. Apparently, she had very strong doubts about adopting PGM, and wanted to know if you felt the same. You were Logan’s family, she had said, and he listened to family more than his own general counsel. 
You told her you would if you could, but Logan was adamant on taking on PGM. No amount of needless peddling would sway his mind. 
Hours later, when the sky was dark and the table was laid out with all sorts of fruits and glasses of spiced wines, everybody was seated for dinner. You sat between Roman and Gerri, speaking to both of them in hushed whispers about nothing quite important.
The amicable atmosphere was shattered when Logan stood up to address everybody. 
“Someone has spoken to Michelle Pantsil.” The biographer. 
Both you and Roman glanced at each other, knowing that it was neither of you. Was it possibly Kendall? Had he been lying to the both of you again? Or had it been someone else? Tom? Greg? Gerri? Frank?
“We’ve got rats on this ship,” continued your godfather, rounding behind people’s chairs in a menacing, domineering manner. “And Pierce—who’s got my back, hm? Who’s really behind me? Anyone wanna own up? Hm? Anyone want to rat out a rat?”
Ah. So it seemed Pierce knew of Logan’s moves now. You didn’t dare chance a glance at Roman, knowing it was him who had told Naomi.
Logan began to sharply question a few people at the table, demanding to know if they had anything they wanted to say to him. It shocked you even further when he barked out an order for everyone to put their phones on the table—both company and private.
“Is that really necessary?” asked Gerri. “I’m not even sure if that’s legal to demand people to—”
“Yeah, well, we’re getting down to brass fucking tacks,” spat Logan, eyeing everybody darkly. You did as he said, placing both of your devices onto the table—you had nothing to hide. From the corner of your eye, you spotted Roman slipping his phone beneath his leg.
When he caught your gaze, his head dipped forward a bit and his eyebrows pulled together. Shut up, his eyes seemed to tell you. Even without verbalizing it, he still somehow managed to be rude to you.
You narrowed them back at him, wordlessly telling him not to worry.
“Karl, do you like the Pierce deal?” Logan queried.
“I do. Yes, I do. Yes, yeah.”
With a dry chuckle, Logan shook his head. “Bullshit. Boar on the floor.”
The two men began their back and forth—Logan commanding Karl to stand in the corner whilst the former sputtered out indignant protests. It was embarrassing and humiliating, and he was going to do it all anyway.
“Tom.”
“Me? Uh, Pierce?”
“Yes,” said an exasperated Logan.
Clearing his throat, Tom hesitantly said, “Well, there’s a lot of factors, but uhm, yes. Personally, I like it. I do.”
“Boar on the fucking floor, over there,” gruffed your godfather, pointing over to where Karl stood. 
With no protest, Tom pushed away from the table and slunk off. 
“Gerri! Stand up! Tell me about Pierce.” 
Her gaze stayed on her untouched plate as she got onto her feet. “Well, to be perfectly honest with you… I’ve, uhm, I’ve had a few doubts.”
“Honesty,” Logan finally said. “You see, everybody? Do you see? Honesty. Greg, stand up! Did you get any orders from my brother? The fucking Conscience of the Prairies?”
Everybody watched as Greg stammered out a near incoherent response. He was sent off to stand next to Tom and Karl, as well. This seemed to be Roman’s breaking point, because he burst into a fit of giggles.
“Roman!” barked his father. 
This brought him back to sobriety. “I like it, Dad, for real—”
“Stand the fuck up!”
With a bitter murmur beneath his breath, Roman got up to his feet. With discreet motions, you silently swiped the phone from his chair and placed it beneath your leg so it wouldn’t be seen by his father. 
Desperate to divert the attention away from him, Roman said, “Kendall took a call from the biographer.”
Logan rested his hands upon Kendall’s shoulders, which made Roman bristle even harder. His older brother droned out, “We all got a call, Rome. Y/N, too.”
“Okay, yes, but you—you seemed like you actually wanted to talk to her.”
“To smoke you out for Dad.”
Roman’s nose wrinkled. “What? Fuck you! Why’d you get to smoke me out? I was smokin’ you out!”
As you watched Logan’s fingers curl into Kendall’s shirt, you couldn’t help but think of him as a meat puppet of sorts. So damaged and broken and directionless, ready to heed every single one of his father’s words. 
“Why don’t you tell us about your mystery call?” 
“Oh, the phone call?” Roman propped a hand on his hip, risking a glance at you. Then, he violently began to scratch at the back of his head. “Yeah, sure, it was Frank. He meant to call you, he wants to know if the plan to overthrow Dad is still happening. ”
Finally pulling away from Kendall, Logan’s voice rang out across the room like a slap to the face. “Someone spiked Pierce. Which one of you boars did it?”
He yelled for the three men in the corner to get down on their knees, claiming it was a game. Your godfather, now more of a monster than a man, called for everyone to get up and cheer, “Boar on the floor!” as Tom, Greg, and Karl scrambled about to eat a sausage that was tossed to them in order to prove their loyalty. He demanded they oink and squeal like real piggies would.
It was cruel and animalistic. And Roman was filming with his personal phone, a sadistic smile on his face. 
You would’ve berated him for it, if not for Kendall cornering you against the wall when everybody else was distracted by the Boar on the Floor spectacle. 
“I know you took Roman’s phone. I saw you,” he said, eyes flickering down to your pockets, where you had hidden away the mobile.
“Fuck off, Kendall,” you responded with a daggered edge. “You touch me, and I’ll bite your fucking head off.”
“I thought you were smarter than this,” he told you. “Defending my brother—do you know how many times he’s fucked you over? How many times he’ll keep fucking you over?”
Curling your upper lip in contempt, you spat out, “Get the fuck away from me, Kendall. What’s wrong with you?”
Suddenly, his hand shot out to grab Roman’s company phone from your pocket, prompting you to shove at him, trying to grab the phone back. The commotion caught the attention of everyone else, Roman included. 
He was quick to step forward, pulling you away from his brother so he could try to yank the device away himself. 
“What the fuck? Give me my fucking phone back, asshole!”
“What are you hiding? What’s the code?”
“Are you fucking serious? My code is, uhm, fuck you—”
The two of them began to tussle, arguing indistinctly as they pulled at each other’s hair and limbs. You stepped back, burying your face in your hands in utter exhaustion. 
When Kendall locked Roman in a chokehold, Roman finally keyed in his PIN, shoving his older brother away with a labored breath. 
“Okay, you got it! You fuckin’ happy? There’s nothing in there. Now give it back—give me my fucking phone!” When he began advancing on his brother again, Colin stepped in to keep him at bay. “What, are you going to touch me, too? Grab my fucking balls—I will drop you, you cocksucker!”
Finally, Kendall opened up Roman’s call history, not at all to see Naomi Pierce at the very top. He didn’t hesitate to tell his father.
“Dad, it was Roman. Roman talked to Pierce.”
Panic weaving through his tone, Roman shook his head. “Dad—I didn’t… I didn’t betray you.”
“Then what’s this call from today?” asked Kendall, holding up the phone. “Why are you talking to her?”
For a moment, Roman’s eyes flickered over to you. “Come on, man. I wasn’t trying to fuck the deal. I was trying to land the deal. I was trying to help—I thought it would be a… a nice surprise.”
His words struck you across the face like a slap. Roman had told you that you were right—that acquiring PGM was a terrible idea. You’d thought he was on your side. And now—it seemed like he was doing it all for his father’s favor. The best of both worlds, blew right up in his face.
“Roman,” began Logan, “you’re a moron.”
Crackling silence.
Kendall cleared his throat. “Boar on the floor?”
Having enough of him, you snapped, “Shut the fuck up, Kendall.”
“Y/N was helping him,” said Kendall. “Tried hiding his phone from the table.”
Logan swung his heated, intense gaze onto you. It took all you had within you not to flinch away. 
“I didn’t know what Roman was doing. I just didn’t want to get him in trouble.”
Your godfather shut his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers. “How sweet,” he spat. “The two of you are perfect for each other. Fucking morons!”
“Dad,” said Roman, voice warbling. “I am not a moron. She isn’t, either. Y/N, tell him—tell him why you thought PGM was a bad idea.”
Everybody’s eyes were on you. Suddenly, your throat went dry, and all words flew out of your vocabulary. You shook your head, a defeated sigh falling from your lips. Roman’s shoulders drooped with the weight of shame and loss.
“How much is a gallon of milk?” Logan suddenly asked his youngest son, advancing on him until he withered beneath his father’s glare. 
“What?”
“How much is a gallon of fucking milk?”
Confused beyond his mind, Roman said, “I don’t know. I mean, who the fuck knows, Dad? Literally nobody knows! Who gives a shit?”
“Greg! How much is a gallon of milk?”
The lanky man stammered out, “Uh, I mean, like, regular milk, or—?”
Burying his face into his hands, not unlike you had done earlier, Logan sighed out, “I am surrounded by snakes and fucking morons! You’re a bunch of silk-stocking fucks! Who backs me on Pierce, huh? Who?”
When he was met by silence, Kendall answered in everyone’s stead.
“None of them do, Dad. They’re all against it. Karl’s lying, Tom’s lying, Gerri’s playing both sides, Y/N is very clearly against what you’re doing.”
Hot shame curled within your gut. Though you were steadfast in your beliefs against taking PGM, disappointing your father figure was never a pleasant sensation, no matter how terrible he was.
“Uncle Logan, I’m sorry—” you began, but he was quick to shut you down.
“Don’t go sucking my dick now, girl. It’s too fucking late. You’re lucky your brainless parents are major shareholders, or I would’ve fired you a dozen times by now. Do you know that? How fucking worthless you are?”
Tears pricked the corner of your eyes. You wrapped your arms around your stomach, training your gaze onto the ground. 
“Here’s the news,” Logan said, addressing the entire group now. “We are going after it. And what’s more… I will win.”
With that, he stormed off, disappearing somewhere in the vast house. 
“Hey,” Roman tried to speak to you, but you maneuvered away, disappearing up some stairs, where your room was waiting for you.
It took a lot of indecisive thought, but you left the door unlocked.
To none of your surprise, Roman came crawling into your room when everybody was asleep. He slipped into the empty spot beside you, slurring out a litany of nonsensical apologies mixed in with how much of an asshole Kendall was.
“You’re drunk,” you whispered, pushing his face away. You hadn’t the heart to be angry at him. Not this late at night. Not when he was just as upset as you were about what had transpired during dinner. “Go to sleep, Rome.”
“Give me a kiss g’night. And tell me you forgive me.”
“Ro—”
“Just—just fucking do it! Don’t ask me stupid questions.”
Shifting in the bed, you leaned forward to press light kisses to both his fluttering eyelids. “We’re good, Romeo. I don’t know. I’m mad at you, but not as much as I’m mad at Kendall and your dad. I’m your only friend, remember? I love you, asshole.”
“Yeah. Shut up.” His hands curled over your waist and pulled you close. “Say that again.”
There was a laugh in your voice. “What? That I’m your only friend?”
He prodded your side with a stiff finger. “The fuckin’... the love thing.”
A part of you contemplated telling him to fuck off. But the wide, warbling brown of his irises told you that he was desperate to hear it. Desperate for any crumb of affection he was offered. “Mhm. I love you, Ro. I do. Now go to sleep.”
He lazily blinked at you, as if he was a cat. “Don’t be mad if I puke all over you.”
“I won’t be mad.”
“I’d be mad if you puked all over me. Why wouldn’t you be mad at me?”
“Go to sleep, Rome.”
“Night. You smell good, you know? Like if a unicorn had sex with a bouquet of flowers.” Without warning, he sank his teeth into your neck, and you had to physically pry his teeth from your skin to keep him from using you like a chew toy.
Muffling a yawn, you murmured, “Go to sleep before I euthanize you.”
It took him another hour to finally drift off, but when he did, the two of you slept better than you had in months.
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Roman was terribly hungover the next morning. Headaches and droopy lids, barely registering your voice telling him to get up. When he finally rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he noticed that you were already dressed for the day, having gotten ready while he was passed out. 
“Everyone’s waiting for you, Ro,” you gently told him, brushing his hair out of his face and then taking his hands to tug him off the bed. “Go wash up. Come on, stinker.”
He let you push him around, handing him the toothbrush and a cup of water to drink once he was done washing up. You turned to give him some privacy to change, but his fingers just couldn’t seem to button his buttons right.
“These fuckin’ things—like they’re made of soap or something—”
With a light sigh, you rotated back around. “Come here, you big baby.” You straightened out his collar before slipping the buttons through their respective holes with ease. 
“Dad’s killing me. He’s cutting my fucking balls off.”
You watched him with a sympathetic gaze. “He won’t do that. He doesn’t see you as a threat.”
“That’s not the compliment you think it is.”
“I wasn’t trying to compliment you.”
Roman watched as you fastened together the last button for him, but you didn’t step away, staying close by him.
“If I was capable of any sudden movement, I would totally pounce on you right now. I like your shirt—is that a new shirt?”
“I’ve had it for four years,” you deadpanned.
“Hm. Old shirt. You should throw it out.” To his relief, you smiled at him.
Patting his cheek once, you asked, “Are you okay? How are you holding up?”
“I don’t know. I’m fucking terrible. But I should be asking you the same. Dad took a beating on the both of us.”
Memories of last night made your nose wrinkle in distaste. 
“I think everyone was just… caught up in the heat of the moment. I don’t think your dad meant everything he said.” He did, you knew he did.
Shaking his head, Roman slunk away to go put on his shoes. “He thinks I’m a moron. The worst of his seed, or whatever the fuck. How am I supposed to get him to take me seriously? Grow a mustache and read the Journal? I’ll fucking do it.”
“Don’t grow a mustache. You’ll look like you came straight out of a shitty European porno.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
Ignoring him, you sat down beside the disorderly man, pulling on your own dress shoes and knotting together the laces, before helping him tie his, because his fingers suddenly decided not to work this morning. “Gerri told me I should convince you to go to management training. Because, you know—tada. Your only friend is one of the company’s head managers. Lucky you.”
“What, she and Dad want you to be my teacher? Sounds like a sexual fantasy to me.”
“It probably won’t be me. Might be a lower-level manager. But I’d come to visit! Get you in the spirit of things.”
Roman snorted. “Ugh. I don’t want to go back to classes. I’ll kill myself.”
“Don’t be dramatic. Let’s at least have some breakfast first.”
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A week later, Roman was enrolled into the management training program, much to Gerri’s relief. She’d thanked you for convincing him, and you told her that it barely took any effort at all. Really, he just wanted to become better in his Dad’s eyes.
You were swamped with work as usual, occasionally checking your phone to see a long strings of texts from Roman, complaining and whining about the torture they were putting him through (they made him watch a video about ethical conduct in a workplace). 
When Roman called you the first time, you declined because you were in a meeting. You declined the second time as well, because you really had to concentrate on filling out important documents. By the time your phone rang again, you were in between tasks, and picked up with a grouchy, “What, Roman?”
“Yowza, who put that stick up your ass?” his voice came through. His high pitched laughter followed. “It’s fucking hell here. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Sorry,” you replied, pinching your brows. “It’s been terrible up here, too. I’ve got a lot of shit on my plate. This acquisition really isn’t helping.”
“Are you coming?” he asked.
Blinking, you shifted the phone in your palm. “Coming where? To your training?”
“Well… yeah.”
“Mmh, I’m sorry, Ro. I really would, but I’m just up to my head with work. But I’m proud of you! Really, I am.”
“Oh, you are? Fuck you,” he snapped.
You took no offense to his bitterness. “Fuck you back. This is good, what you’re doing, Romeo.”
“Yeah, I know—I’m gonna grow up to be a real little boy and learn the price of an egg, and do… phone sex with my girlfriend like a normo.”
Laughing, you knocked your head back with a grin. “Y’know, phone sex is more kinky than anything. If you wanna be normal, you look her in the eyes during missionary sex and tell her you love her.”
“Pfft. Yeah, right. Do people actually do that? That sounds disgusting.”
“Yes, people actually do that. Have you ever considered that you’re the disgusting one?”
“Don’t be mean, this is my first day of training, you bitch.”
From his tone, you could tell he was smiling, too.
“Seems like you’ve been complaining to me more than actually paying attention.”
“I can’t help it. The videos are too fucking long. It’s like trying to teach Beethoven how to play hot cross buns on the piano.”
You laughed, and Roman felt a certain warmth pool in his chest.
“You can do it, Ro. I believe in you.”
“Thanks, mommy,” he teasingly replied. 
Your phone began to buzz with another call. “Ah—sorry, Rome, I gotta go. See you later, okay?”
Before he could say his grumpy goodbyes, you’d already hung up. To your surprise, your screen displayed the called ID of your godfather. Your palms suddenly grew clammy.
When you answered, his voice was soft and amicable—a stark contrast to what it was like in Hungary.
“Hello, dear. Hope you’re well.”
The rest of the call went surprisingly fine. Logan wanted you to go over to his office to run through some analytics and, apparently, he wanted to apologize to you in person. Mend the broken bridges, he had said. You weren’t entirely sure if there was another game he was playing at, but you couldn’t say no to him. He was your top boss, after all.
Just as you slipped through the glass doors with a hesitant smile, a loud bang sounded from somewhere on the floor. You flinched, eyes widening. 
A gunshot.
Terror wrapped its dark hands around you when security guards quickly took you by the arm, guiding you around bends and corners, before finally leading you into a panic room. Logan came in behind you, looking mildly distraught.
“Are you okay?” you asked, helping him sit down and giving him a loose hug. 
“Fine, fine. Where’s Siobhan? Kendall?”
“I don’t… I don’t know.”
When you felt down your pants for your phone, you let out a frustrated sigh when you couldn’t find it anywhere on you. You must’ve dropped it during all the commotion to get to the safe room. You settled into a seat across from Logan, watching the news on the television, your leg bouncing up and down with agitation. 
A few minutes later, Shiv showed up, embracing her dad with a chaste kiss. She gave you a hug as well, cheek pressing against yours. 
“Do you know what’s going on?”
“No, I don’t. Where’s Tom?”
She pulled away to call her husband, and you slumped back into your chair. 
Down on ground level, Roman was still in his training class, watching his partner begin to present his idea for a new ride, when a man burst through the doors, calling out Mr. Roy!
Well, there goes his chance to pretend to be a normo.
“Just in case you get a news alert on your phone, there’s been an incident at ATN.”
Roman’s brows quirked downwards. “Is my dad okay?”
“It’s been suggested that it could be a concerted attack against the family. Do you want us to take you to a more secure location?”
“Yeah, of course I want that—get me the fuck out of here!” The guard began ushering him out of the class, down the hall to a more ‘secure’ space, which was clearly just an inventory room. “So, uh, does an attack against the family include, like, godchildren, too? Or just, uh, direct blood-related shit?”
“I don’t know yet, sir. All we know so far is that there was a gunshot in the building.”
Panic began to settle in Roman’s chest. He fished out his phone from his pants and called you. No answer.
He texted you, over and over again.
Hey Fuckface You heard about this shooting bullshit? I thought they only went for schools nowadays. Answer me Bitch Right fucking now Can you pick up? Hello  Helloooooooooo 🖕 Hahaha funny joke! Now fucking pick up
It didn’t quite occur to Roman that he should probably call his siblings just yet. He was far too caught up with the idea of you lying on the ground somewhere, bleeding out to death. Certainly not a pleasant thought.
He called you again, and nearly threw his phone across the inventory—safe room when you didn’t pick up.
What the fuck Please answer me it’s not funny anymore If you’re dead I’ll kill you I’m being serious Hello? Please answer You can’t be dead it’s literally not possible
He called a third time, and there was no response. Growing increasingly worried, Roman finally called his twin sister, who responded after the second ring.
“Hey, Rome. You okay?”
“Yeah, whatever. Is Y/N okay?” he hurriedly asked, itching at the back of his neck.
“She’s fine. Here with me in the safe room. I’m fine too, by the way. Thanks for asking.”
“Fuck off, just put me on the phone with her!” 
A second later, your voice came through, and Roman nearly melted onto the floor in relief.
“Hello? Rome? Are you okay?”
“You fucking bitch! What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought you were fucking dead! Why didn’t you answer any of my texts?”
If not for the situation at hand, you would’ve laughed at how worked up he sounded. “I lost my phone when the gunshot sounded out. Sorry, Ro. It happened so quickly. They’re saying it was a suicide. But I’m not really sure—Gerri’s filling me in.”
“So you’re, like, okay? Actually okay?”
“I’m okay.”
“Ugh, fuck you. Go to hell!” he barked into the phone, right before hanging up. 
You stood, still stunned, handing Shiv’s phone back to her with a quiet word of thanks. 
Curled up in the corner of the inventory room, Roman found out that he and Brian had won for best pitch for a ride in the class. He smiled a little, then followed out after his partner to make sure that he wasn’t fibbing.
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“I slaughtered them, you know? Everyone in that fucking training class grovels at my feet now,” Roman told Tabitha on the phone. “They’re jealous! And that’s all there is to it. Anyways, um, how are you?”
“Good!” she told him. “I’m about to get in the bath.”
“Oh, yeah?” Roman took a long pause. “Uh, y’know, Y/N told me that phone sex is kinda… kinky. You wanna…?”
On the other side of the line, Tabitha smiled, putting her phone on speaker. “Mmh, alright. I’m making the bath real sudsy.”
“Is that because you’re dirty?”
“I am. I’m a dirty, dirty girl.”
“Yeah, you are. And I would love to fuck you.”
She laughed, light and airy. “I’m so wet for you right now.”
A long pause. Roman winced. “Uh, that’s not… well, you don’t have to be so specific.”
“I’m… being sexy?”
“Yeah, it’s just—could you not do that thing? With your voice? It’s, like, breathy and unnatural.”
Sucking in a frustrated lungful of air, Tabitha shook her head. “That’s what I sound like when I’m turned on, Roman.”
“I know, I just… I don’t like it, so—” He made his way to the bed and laid down. “Let’s just be normal. Let’s be normal. Casual.”
“Normal? Okay, I was just trying to get into it but…”
“No, I’m sorry, yeah, you’re right.” He cleared his throat, trying to lower his voice. “Um, I’m fucking you in the pussy. I’m fucking you hard.”
Tabitha pursed her lips. “Amazing. What are you gonna do next, change your water filter cartridge?”
Rolling his eyes, Roman sighed out, exasperated, “Jesus fucking Christ—oh, look at that, I’m coming! I’m coming! Ah, wow, I came! Thank you! Hooray! Bye.”
Abruptly, he hung up, not unsimilar to what he did to you earlier to you in the day. Guilt suddenly flushed through him—he probably should give you a call. Say he’s sorry.
It only took one ring for you to pick up, and he could tell that you were smiling on the other end. “Hey, Romeo. Didn’t think you had the emotional capacity to talk to me after thinking I was dead.”
Roman rubbed his left eye. “Fuck you. So are you, uh, okay?”
“You already asked me that, Rome.”
“No, like—mentally or whatever. Must’ve been scary. Ooh.” He made a ghost-esque noise, but cringed upon realizing that that probably wasn’t appropriate.
Nonetheless, you scoffed through the phone. “It was jarring, but I’ll be okay. How’d training go?”
“I mean, it’s fuckin’ bullshit but I won the stupid ride pitch thing. They should have it built.”
There was some rustling of sheets. Roman wondered if you were clambering into bed. He wondered what you were wearing. 
“You really think they’ll build you the ride after your first day in management training? Don’t be stupid.”
“I’ve got money. They’ll build whatever I want them to fuckin’ build.”
“You know who you sound like? Like Joffrey Baratheon, from that show I made you watch. The one you never paid attention to unless there was a pair of tits on screen. Spoiled little shits, the both of you.” 
With an affronted gasp, he said, “You can’t talk to me like that. I’m technically your boss.”
You giggled. “Don’t pull the boss card on me, Roman. You’ve slept in my bed more times than in your own. That’s fucking… that’s like power play, right there.”
“Yeah?” Roman could feel a rush of blood go straight to his dick, which began to strain against his pants. “D’you think we’d get in trouble if we ever…”
There was a long moment of silence. Static filled in Roman’s ears.
“If we what, Roman?” you asked, voice quiet. 
Clicking his tongue to the roof of his mouth, Roman blurted out, “I tried the fuckin’ normie phone sex with Tabitha.”
“And?”
“She got turned on.”
“Uh, congratulations?”
“I didn’t like it.”
“Oh. Why not? You like your sex dirtier? Wrong?” You began to chuckle, but it tapered away when Roman went silent on the other end of the phone. More rustling blankets. “Oh, fuck, Roman. You’re an idiot, you know that?”
You could hear the sound of his belt unbuckling. 
“What else am I?” His voice was breathy. Whiny, almost.
“This is wrong, Romeo. I can’t… you’re dating Tabitha, remember?”
“Just keep—keep talking.” When his hand wrapped around his hard dick, weeping with pearly precum, Roman wondered if he’d bust his nut right then and there.
After a few seconds of silence, you tentatively continued, “You’re disgusting, Rome. What’s wrong with you? Touching yourself to my voice when your girlfriend was left high and dry for you.”
He began to stroke himself, eyes fluttering shut. A strained moan fell from his lips. Neither of you had ever ventured this into this territory in your relationship before. Sure, sexual jokes were always passed back and forth between the two of you but this was—this was real. Wasn’t it?
“Mmh, I don’t want you to cum yet, Ro.” You clutched the phone close to your ear. 
A choked noise emitted from his throat. “I can’t—I can’t hold it—”
“Hold it.”
“Why?”
“Because I want to cum with you.” More rustling on the other end as you kicked your pants and underwear down, dragging your finger around your clit. 
This seemed to send Roman into another fit of whines—the thought of you fucking yourself on your own fingers to him made his mind go all hazy. 
“Romey, tell me,” you whispered. “Out of all those times we slept in the same bed together—did you ever imagine fucking me while I was asleep? Like a sick little pervert?”
A groan climbed up the back of Roman’s throat. His pace slowed down, trying his best not to cum prematurely. “Yes, all the fucking time. Yes—” His words died on his tongue as he moaned again, and again, and again—
“God, Ro.” You stifled a gasp when you plunged two fingers into your throbbing cunt. It’d been a long while since you’d had the time to touch yourself—it was no surprise that you were already on the brink of an orgasm. “Have you touched yourself to me before? I’m sure you have. You sick fuck.”
The vein in Roman’s forehead popped as he bucked his hips into his fist. “Fuck, yes! Yes, please, Y/N, please—”
“Please, what?” You moaned yourself, grinding into your palm. “You wanna cum, baby? I wanna hear you make a mess of yourself. Like the dirty fucking pervert you are.”
With those words, Roman toppled off the edge, spurts of warm cum dribbling from his throbbing cock, soaking his fist with its sticky mess. He fucked himself through his high, whining with overstimulation at the sound of your own choked sighs.
Breathily, he whimpered, “What else? Please, what else? What would you do if you were here with me?”
“Mmh, if I was there, I’d make you lick your cum off of me. I’d ride your face until you pass out—oh!”
A creak of the bed as you arched your back, crying out his name, cresting over the peak yourself. 
More silence. Labored breaths.
You swallowed heavily, skin glowing with a faint sheen of sweat. The haze of your orgasm was beginning to dissipate, and you were coming back to your own senses. “Fuck—I’m sorry, Ro. I don’t... I don’t think we should’ve done that.”
He blew out a shuddering breath. “Yeah, we shouldn’t have.” His chest rose and fell unevenly. “But it was fucking amazing.”
“It was.” You ran your tongue along your teeth in thought. “I’m gonna go, uhm, clean myself up, Ro. G’night.”
“Mmh. Night.”
“This doesn’t change anything, right? We’re still best friends?”
Roman screwed his lips up to the side. “Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Totally. BFFs for liferz, or whatever cheesy fucking bullshit you need to hear.”
You scoffed. Things would be okay with the two of you. They always worked out in the end. “See you soon, slut.”
“Hey, Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Romeo.”
“Mmkay, bye, fuck-face.” 
With that, the call ended.
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Weeks later, the Roy family was to spend the weekend with the Pierces at their family estate. You figured the reason why Logan had called you to his office right before the suicide was because he wanted you to come along and play mediator—the Pierces were a rather articulate and fanciful family. According to your godfather, they aligned much more with your and Shiv’s politics than his. It reminded you how you were nothing but a pawn on the chessboard for him to maneuver. 
Regardless, you knew you couldn’t say no. Even though he knew you didn’t support the Pierce acquisition, you were a valuable asset and that could potentially be beneficial for both parties. Besides, the Pierces were a powerful family. Having them as allies would be good for you.
You were lounging on the couch beside Shiv and Tabitha when Roman strode into his father’s house, bowing down dramatically.
“How was summer camp?” she teased her twin. 
“Hm? What’s that? Didn’t catch what you said. I’ve been down in the salt mines for so long with my fellow Johnny Lunchpails, I no longer speak One-Percent,” he said when he bent down to kiss Tab’s cheek.
Snorting, Shiv retorted, “You were slinging candy apples, Rome, not digging the Panama Canal.”
“I’ve seen the world for how it really is, Siobhan, and it has changed me! I’m a kettle corn shoveler, here to show you frilly clit-flickers the truth. Hullo, Y/N. You look lovely.” He patted your cheek thrice, and you swatted his hand away before the fourth. A part of you had been worrying for the past few days about your relationship with Roman. Would things change after what had happened over the phone? Or was it all just… no big deal?
To your relief, the two of you seemed to be just the same as before. 
“Hey, Rome. Nice to see you’ve been so… humbled. Tell me, if I were to ask you to do my laundry, would you know how?”
Tabitha cracked up at your words and she nudged at your knee humorously. 
Roman rolled his eyes, muttering something about how he wouldn’t want to touch your tighty whities anyway, and scuttled off to greet Marcia and Connor. Only then did Logan come in, Kendall in tow. His little meat puppet.
“Alright. Cars are waiting—but first, some announcements. Frank, if you wouldn’t mind?”
Logan’s right-hand man stepped forward to address the group. “As you all know, the good news is that the Pierces are entertaining our offer, but bad news—they’re inquiring about your moral character, hence this weekend.”
“They want to look us in the teeth,” gruffed Logan.
Frank nodded. “Right. They want our 24 billion, but they also want to be able to ensure the integrity of their news outlets into the future.”
“Mmh, to ensure everything goes smoothly, we’ve prepared a few do’s and don’ts for the weekend,” said Gerri, pointedly staring at Roman. “Topics to stay clear of: Ravenhead, ATN, Israel, Brightstar, and the Cruise’s rumor mill. Steer onto: gossip, investments, art, movies, literature… tittle-tattle. Wider cultural interests.”
“Oh, and two drinks maximum,” Frank added. “They’re not big drinkers.”
Tilting his head, Roman drawled, “That’s okay. Nobody here has any glaring substance abuse issues that almost brought down the company, right?” He lolled his head over to Kendall, shooting him a wink.
Logan went through a few more details about Tom and ATN and Rhea, which certainly raised a few apprehensions. 
“Thanks for all your help,” said Logan. For a moment, his eyes landed on you. You wondered if he had considered that you’d purposefully sabotage this weekend to stop the deal from going through. Or maybe he knew you were his loyal lapdog, no matter how far he kicked you. Or maybe he simply wanted you there for diversity points. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. “We need this. Bagging Pierce is the key to our proxy defense. And the defense is life itself. See you at Plymouth Rock.”
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Once the helicopters landed onto Pierce's land and everyone was filed out into the vast green fields, Logan turned to his group and gestured for them to smile. He’d even gone out of his way to brush a stray piece of lint off of your coat for you whilst passing by. 
“I am smiling!” Roman haughtily protested when his father gave him a pointed glare.
“Yeah, not like a pervert,” said Shiv.
You grinned, laughing out, “That’s just how he looks, Shiv.”
“Hardee-har-har,” Roman spat out. Then, he watched as Logan linked arms with both Marcia and Shiv. “Wow, Jesus. Look at Papa Smurf. Should I be doing that with you guys?”
Both you and Tabitha glanced at each other, before walking onwards, flat out ignoring Roman. 
The Pierce family was waiting not too far from the helicopters, greeting everyone with apprehensive yet kind smiles. 
The woman who spoke had soft eyes and a round face. Not at all intimidating in stature, but you knew better than to judge a book by its cover. “Welcome to Ternhaven! Our city on the hill. I’m Nan Pierce—it’s nice to meet all of you. I think we’re going to have fun getting a look at all of you, won’t we?”
Both families drew nearer as everybody exchanged polite greetings. You shook hands with about half a dozen people, trying your best to keep up with names and faces. Once at the estate, someone had taken off your coat and offered you a glass of water before you’d even taken three steps inside. 
It was certainly a beautiful home. It felt more lived-in than Logan’s houses, with its abundance of paintings and framed pictures on the walls. The furniture was warmer and cozier—a stark contrast to Logan’s preference for sharp edges and monochrome colors.
Roman came up to your side and pointed at a Latin phrase inscribed into the archway. 
“In veritate triumpho,” he read aloud. “This wine is triumphant? No—your vagina trumpets!”
Passing by, Gerri sharply hushed him just as your shoulders began to shake with mirth.
“I triumph in the truth,” you told him. 
“Honesty is the best policy around here,” said a dark-haired man, appearing from seemingly nowhere. You heard Roman mutter Jesus H. Christ, beneath his breath, but you discreetly pinched his side before he could say anything else. You faintly recognized the man as Peter Pierce—a cousin of Nan. He’d been overly enthusiastic with his handshake, watching you with gleaming curiosity, complimenting you on your outfit. 
You weren’t blind. You knew attraction when you saw it—and Peter wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding it.
“So… where’d you learn Latin?”
“Self taught,” you told him, smiling politely. “I’m not fluent. I just know a few bits and bobs here and there. Tried to learn during my college years.”
Before Peter could respond, Roman motioned gagging. “Barf. I’m gonna go see who Tabs is flirting with. See you nerds later.”
He slipped away, leaving you alone with Peter, much to your chagrin. 
The man was nice enough, sure, but he was being very obvious with the way his gaze lingered a tad too long on your chest. And when it wasn’t there, he was ogling your lips. It was a bit unnerving. 
“I’ve heard a lot about you, you know,” said Peter, arms crossed. 
“And I know next to nothing about you,” you airily responded, trying your best to keep your smile natural, though it proved increasingly difficult with each passing second.
“Well, that can be remedied, no?” he asked. 
You internally cursed at his forwardness. “Sure, yeah. Sounds great.”
And off he chattered, prattling on about his time with his company and what he studied during university, occasionally asking for your experiences as well. You only paid him half a mind, keeping the other occupied with observations of everybody else in the room. How Shiv had somehow managed to insult someone already, how Connor was talking about his presidential campaign with someone who so clearly didn’t agree with his views, and how Roman was guffawing at something Naomi and Tabitha were discussing.
“And what about the tabloids on you?”
“I’m sorry?” you asked, snapping your attention back onto Peter. 
“The tabloids about you and Roman. A lot of them discuss the two of you as a pair.”
Shrugging one of your shoulders, you shook your head. “Those are just baseless rumors.” You thought back to how you and Roman jerked off to each other through the phone. Not baseless at all, it seemed. “Roman and I are friends.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?”
Peter smiled. A part of you felt bad for stringing him along in such a way. He seemed like a nice enough guy, if you didn’t count all the uncomfortable ogling. “I just feel like we have a connection, you know? Do you feel it, too?”
“Mmh. Yeah, I’m feeling it.” You chanced a glance to Roman, who was staring straight at you with an impish grin. He saw right through your little facade—he knew you were miserable, and he was enjoying the shit out of it.
“That’s so good to hear. I knew you were different the moment I set eyes on you.”
“Wow. You really do have a way with words. Edgar Allen Poe up in here,” you joked loosely, trying your best not to sound deadpan. 
“You like Edgar Allen Poe, too? God, you’re like—fricking perfect for me. Excuse my French.” To your horror, Peter reached out to clasp your shoulder, steering you to a more quiet part of the room. “Tell me more about yourself. Things I don’t already know from the tabloids. What was it like growing up around the Roys?”
They were more of your family than your actual parents. They were the bane of your existence. They were everything to you. 
Before you could vocalize any of your thoughts (or, some poor, watered-down rendition of them), Logan shepherded the Waystar side of the group into another room for a short, private talk. You let out a long sigh as soon as you were far away enough from Peter, feeling your muscles loosen up. God, that man really did make you stiff in all the worst ways. 
“I think it’s going pretty well,” Roman said once everyone began filing through the door. “I mean, nobody’s fucked Nan or killed her cat by accident, so I think we’re doing pretty good.”
It seemed Logan didn’t quite agree, because he stormed up to his daughter, angrily demanding, “What the fuck did you say to Mark? Making cracks about his PhD?”
“It was a joke! He laughed.”
Frowning, Logan continued on, “He’s a yes, Shiv. He’s solid. Why are you even bothering him?”
The group began to then argue about Maxim, who Connor was supposed to persuade into the yes territory of the acquisition—which he was clearly failing.
“Cut the horseshit, know your roles!” barked your godfather. “Shiv, I want you on Nan.”
“Okay, Dad, we don’t have to be so schematic,” she protested, but her words went largely ignored.
Logan rounded on Roman, standing beside you. “Romulus. When you laugh, please do it at the same volume as everyone else. We didn’t get you from a hyena farm.”
“Thanks, Pop,” said Roman. You frowned, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.
“The good news is that Nan seems to be spending money in her head—but she could still be swayed by her family, so every cousin counts,” Gerri added.
“Everybody, stay in your lanes. Who’s on Peter?” asked Logan.
“I got it, Dad,” said Kendall.
Quirking a brow, Frank said, “Actually, Peter seems to be rather taken by Y/N. I think it’s a good idea for her to keep him entertained. He’s worried the rest of us are barbarians.”
You crossed your arms uncomfortably, but nodded with a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah, uh, sure.”
“Pimp her out, why don’t you,” scoffed Roman. 
“Good. Everyone got their person? Let’s go, people. Stay focused, stay sharp!” barked Logan, and everyone began to pour out of the room at his dismissal. 
Roman clapped a hand on your forearm. “Hey, uh, if Prickly Pete there does anything—” He made an unintelligible noise while pulling a sour face. “You know the drill. Stop, drop, and roll.”
“That’s for a fire, Ro.”
“Yeah, but it’ll freak him out enough to leave you alone.”
You spared him a sarcastic smile, shaking your head. “Great advice. Thanks.”
“No, but seriously—just say you have to go to the bathroom or something. I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”
“Okay, Sauron,” you chuckled, shoving him away. “Go. Go and use your wily charms to seduce Naomi into making a terrible decision.”
It was his turn to offer you a lopsided grin. “That’s what I’m best at. Influencing women into years of regret.” With a click of his tongue and a wink, he was off.
 When you turned around, Peter was already waiting for you with an expectant expression. Ugh.
This was going to be a long weekend.
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The Pierces were a strange family. Who the fuck recited poetry as grace before dinner? Nonetheless, you clapped with a polite smile once Naomi was done with her little poem. Roman rolled his eyes none too discreetly and you kicked at his leg beneath the table. 
On your other side, Peter didn’t hesitate to dive into yet another lengthy conversation once everybody began eating. 
“I like to have three novels and a memoir going at once,” said the man with a flirtatious smile. “It’s like natural selection.”
You forced a laugh—one that sounded genuine to everyone but the Roys, who knew you well enough by now to know that you weren’t amused at all. 
“Hm. I think it’s rather redundant to pit literature against each other in such a competitive fashion. Art is art is art, no?” you responded, quirking a brow as you forked a portion of salad onto your plate. 
You’d hoped that your comment would deter Peter from talking more, but your challenge seemed to only invigorate him. 
“A bit of healthy competition in a given field never hurt anyone. Pushes people to create better things,” he said, leaning closer to you.
“Mm, well, respectfully, I disagree. I think art—literature, especially—can blossom organically, just for the sake of it. The idea that creativity flourishes under competition is, frankly, just capitalist propaganda,” you said. 
To your dismay, Peter tilted his head and quipped, “Isn’t that a bit ironic, coming from you? Goddaughter of one of the richest men in the world?”
Your eye twitched. Beneath the table, Roman nudged your foot. 
“It doesn’t matter who I am. My point still stands, no?”
“I suppose we can just agree to disagree. I still enjoy reading several pieces at once… maximum efficiency, right?”
Another fake laugh.
To your surprise, Roman swooped into the conversation, “Yeah, I hear you, brother!” he chirped, trying his best to sound like an intellectual normie—he wasn’t doing a very good job, so far.
Peter spared him a glance, which made him lean even closer to you. “Are you a big reader?”
“Me? Oh. Yeah, big time.” No, he wasn’t. Roman couldn’t even remember the last time he picked up a book and read past the first page. 
“Can you recommend anything Oprah isn’t pushing? Any new fiction?”
For a moment, Roman’s panicked eyes met your goading ones. He began to laugh, but cleared his throat when he realized that Peter was genuinely asking. 
“Oh, right, yeah, sure I can… I, uh, rather enjoyed The Electric Circus.” 
“The Electric Circus?” echoed Peter in a rather pretentious manner. “Who’s the author?”
“Oh, uh, shit! Who was it… it was uh, Timothy Lipton. Yup. That’s him.” Roman was a terrible liar. You were getting second-hand embarrassment just listening to him. 
Catching wind of her brother fumbling, Shiv asked, “Yeah? What’s it about, Rome?”
“Uh, it is… about a young man making his way through the world. Except in two different time periods, so it kinda switches back and forth between—uh, yup! And—and the circus part is like, you know, a metaphor.”
Shiv narrowed her eyes. “For what?”
“Ugh. For the anxiety of modern life, Siobhan.” Roman only ever called his sister that when he tried to provoke her, or when he was exasperated with her antics. “Ask Y/N. She read the book. Ask her.”
Incredulous, you swung your gaze from your food to him, brows pulling together.
“You’ve read The Electric Circus?” asked Peter. His phone was in his palms. “I’m not seeing it on Google… Are you sure that’s what it was called?”
You began to fumble with your words, internally cursing Roman for throwing you under the bus, as well. God, he was going to owe you a million favors from now on. 
“See, uhm, it was a private little thing, uh—it hasn’t been published yet, exactly. Roman and I were just, you know, we were given the pages because we, uh, we were thinking of funding the novel ourselves! So, yeah… I don’t know why Roman would go and recommend that to you when it isn’t even available to the public yet.” You spared Peter a sweet smile whilst simultaneously stomping on Roman’s toes beneath the table. He retaliated by pinching your thigh.
“Oh. I see. Maybe when it comes out we can talk about it over a cup of coffee, then.”
Roman snorted. You sent him a half-hearted glare.
“Sure. That’d be great,” you told him before the man-child on your other side could come up with a rude retort.
Thankfully, Peter was quick to move on to another topic. Something about how mediocre the movies have been getting as of late. What an asshole. 
The conversation was cut off not too soon later by the white nationalist elephant in the room, as Rhea had so eloquently put it—ATN. Logan had vehemently denied sharing their fascistic beliefs, though the Pierces were clearly still skeptical of your godfather. Hell, even you were. 
There was more tense silence when Logan was questioned on whether or not Tom would stay on as head of ATN. The matter was never resolved, as he excused himself with a lame excuse of his sick dog having arthritis, pulling Shiv out of the room with him. 
You and Roman exchanged confused looks. 
By the time they came back, Tabitha was telling one of the Pierces about her willingness to help out her friend. “I’m thinking, like, if they can’t have a baby in six months, I’m just going to offer them my womb. Why not, you know? I’m young, I’m hardy.”
“Wow, Tabs, that’s really nice of you,” you told her genuinely, sipping on some water.
“Good for you,” agreed Marnie Pierce. “I had a friend who did that, it was so great—”
And then there Peter went, butting his fat head into the conversation where it was clearly not needed. “Uh, but if it isn’t too rude of me to ask, what about you two?” He gestured to Roman and Tabitha.
The blonde woman chuckled. “Oh, you mean us planning to have a baby? No, we’re not planning for a baby, because that would require us having sex!”
“Woah!” exclaimed Roman. “Hey, now.”
Peter grimaced. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Yes, you did,” said Marnie, and Peter only shrugged sheepishly.
“No, no, no, it’s totally fine, it’s just not our thing,” Tabitha replied. “We’re kinda like eunuch besties. It works for us.”
Scratching the back of his head, Roman cleared his throat. “She’s joking. Obviously. She’s kidding. We’re actually quite relentless in that regard. Just… fuck city out here.” 
You almost choked on the water you’d been sipping, the memories of a certain call you had with Roman resurfacing to the forefront of your mind. 
“You okay, Y/N?” Peter asked, lightly patting your back. 
“Fine. Just down the wrong pipe,” you winced. “And, you know, the idea of Roman and Tabs going to pound town doesn’t exactly whet my appetite.”
“Oh, don’t be jealous,” said Roman. “It’s unbecoming.”
Before you could snip back, the table fell quiet when Nan Pierce asked who would be taking on the company after Logan. Your godfather purposefully skirted around the topic, evading a solid name entirely.
Then, Shiv made the terrible mistake of announcing herself as the next CEO.
“Wait, uh, what’s happening?” Peter queried.
“Mmh. I think my life just ended,” Roman responded, looking every bit as shocked as you.
More flubbering from both Logan and Shiv. They were fucking themselves over, you could just feel it.
“You know what, maybe this dinner was a little bit premature. Seems like you guys are still working some things out,” said Peter. 
“No, uh, this is just some family hijinks,” Kendall tried to protest.
Marcia leaned in closer to Logan to ask, “Is this true?”
That seemed to be the last straw for him, because he yelled out, “Will you stop?”
More tense silence. Your foot rested over Roman’s, which was bouncing up and down rapidly beneath your heel. His hand rested on your knee, gripping a tad too tight.
“Well. I was just thinking that it’s such a beautiful, clear night out. Mark—would you like to guide us on a little after-dinner stargaze?” Nan asked.
And with that, came the end of the dinner.
“Did you guys know?” Tabitha asked both you and Roman as the three of you pushed away from the table to head outside. 
“No. No, I didn’t,” said Roman, still in shock.
You had a feeling, sure—there was no way it’d be Connor. Not Kendall, because of his recent endeavors with trying to take over the company, along with his substance abuse. It was between Roman and Shiv, and it didn’t take a genius to see that Logan didn’t think his youngest son was all that competent. That left only Shiv, after all.
“I didn’t know,” you simply said. 
The three of you strode out, leaving only Shiv and Logan left in the dining room.
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“Those stars were really nice,” Tabitha said, lounging on the bed as Roman aggressively rummaged through the luggage in search of his toothbrush.
He was growing increasingly agitated about the idea of Shiv taking over the company, channeling his frustrations out on the poor suitcase for not presenting him his toothbrush on a golden pedestal. With a groan and a hand carding through his hair, Roman kicked at its side, sending the bag skidding against the wall.
“Ro,” Tabitha called. “I have a meeting on Monday, and I’d really love to deal with your neuroses and talk about it and everything but, uh, if you’re gonna lose your mind in here, I might just see if Naomi would let me crash in her bed.”
The man pulled on his face. He hummed once, then twice, as if he was deliberating over something.
“Alright,” he said. “Let’s fuck.”
A disbelieving smile danced across her face. She thought he was full of shit. “Yeah, totally. We do the sex so well, so that’s a brilliant idea.��
Clenching his jaw, Roman clambered onto the bed. “Alright. Come on. Come here, you hot fucking piece of shit.”
He tried kissing her, but his nose knocked into hers the wrong way, his hand gripped at her shoulder at an awkward angle, and his lips fell onto only the upper corner of her mouth, barely even counting as a kiss. 
“Woah, easy there, wolfman!” She burst into a fit of laughter, and Roman pulled away with a string of insecure apologies, rubbing at the bridge of his nose, which throbbed from the impact. 
“That was awesome,” he bit out, lying face-down on the bed next to her. “I’m so fucking good at this. Sorry.”
“Yeah, you were, like, squeezing my shoulder really fucking hard—”
“Wasn’t that sexy? How I just took you? Bet you orgasmed like five times in a row.” Roman rubbed at his eyes. “Do you want to, though? Like actually?”
She smiled. “Mmkay. Do I want to…? Make love?”
He frowned. “Nope. Wow. I just—” A groan and a sigh.
Features softening, Tabitha reached out to rub at Roman’s back. “Hey. I’m not… uninterested in solving you.”
Roman turned to face her. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you think we can make it, like… I don’t know… wrong?”
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Tabitha was supposed to be dead. Which—and Roman thought this was quite obvious—meant that she wasn’t supposed to be wet. Now, there were a million and one ways for them to have sex and have it be wrong (like how it felt with you, maybe), but he’d suggested for her to play dead because… well, because he didn’t want it to feel like he was having sex with her. 
The very thought of fucking Tabitha didn’t sit quite right with him. He liked her a lot, and she was fucking hot as shit, but Roman just… couldn’t. He just couldn’t! Maybe she was right. Maybe they were better off as eunuch besties.
And so it came as no shock to both parties when the dead woman sex didn’t end up working out. Tabitha murmured that the morgue was closing for the night—and that she’d go wank off in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush as a makeshift vibrator. Roman apologized to her again, and curled up in the middle of the bed.
What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he have sex with his girlfriend, like any other fucking person would?
After five minutes of wallowing in his own shame, Roman dragged himself off the bed and did what he knew how to do best: he ran straight to you.
When there was a knock at your door, you were ninety percent sure it was Roman. The other, more terrified, ten percent anxiously wondered if it was Sleazy Pete coming to talk your ear off some more about the latest developments in artificial intelligence. 
To your relief, it was Roman, clad in a loose white shirt and soft, dark pants. 
“Hey, Romeo,” you greeted, pulling him in and glancing out the hallway, making sure nobody was around to see. “Man, am I glad to see you. I was really scared you were somebody else.”
He made a high-pitched, humorous noise, crossing his arms as you softly shut the door closed. “Peter? Oh, no. He’s too high and mighty to come chasing after you so early. He’s the kind to date the same person for ten years, accidentally cum inside one time and knock them up, which then keeps them chained to his side for the rest of his life. You’re good for now.”
“For now?” You were ready to make another quippy retort, when you noticed the way Roman scuffed his bare feet into the carpet, hand scratching at the back of his head. Something was bugging him. “What’s going on? What happened?”
“Huh? Nothing happened. Fuck off.”
Biting at the inside of your cheek, you reached out to him, holding both his hands within yours. “Rome.”
He parroted your name in an equally emphatic manner. 
You sat down on the bed, steering him to sit beside you. “Is this about Shiv?”
Oh. Right. He’d been so caught up with his guilt and shame over Tabitha that he’d momentarily forgotten about that other part of his life that was just majorly fucked over. 
Roman shrugged. “She fucked up bad, huh?”
You laid down, which prompted him to follow you, his head leaning on your shoulder. The two of you stared up at the ceiling together. 
“We all make mistakes. I think your dad probably led her on with a carrot painted with faux gold. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
Your long-time friend made a noise of agreement. 
Comfortable silence stretched thinly between the two of you. Roman faintly noticed that your hair was damp—you’d probably taken a shower after the walk. After inhaling sharply, he caught a whiff of your body spray: sweeter than fucking cotton candy and it almost made him want to puke. Key word being almost—Roman rather liked the smell. Especially on you.
“You smell good.”
“Mmh. Thanks.”
You arched your back, bones popping with your movement as you mumbled under your breath sleepily. Something within Roman stirred. 
“I tried to have sex with Tabitha.”
Suddenly, you weren’t all that sleepy anymore. “Oh? How’d it go?”
“I…” Roman winced. Saying it out loud made it sound so much worse, for some reason. “I pretended she was dead.”
“What?” There was a mildly shocked laugh to your tone.
“Consensually!” he vehemently tacked on. “But, you know, she was fuckin’ dripping for me, so… took the experience away, I guess. I don’t know. I like her a lot. I just don’t… I don’t…”
“You don’t want to have sex with her?”
Another shrug. Roman blew out a drawn-out exhale. “Yeah. I dunno.”
“That’s okay, Rome. You don’t need to have sex if you don’t want to, and you shouldn’t feel bad about not wanting it. That’s literally the definition of consent.”
A part of Roman seemed to melt with your words. Your affirmation that there wasn’t something wrong with him (or, at least that one trait of his, he knew there were several other parts of him that you’d consider highly immoral) relieved him more than he’d care to admit.
“Well… I do want it. I just don’t want it with her, maybe?” His voice went all soft yet high-pitched at the end of the question.
Suddenly, you turned your head to him, your nose only a hair’s breadth away from his. 
“Well, Ro,” you began, husky and low, “who would you want it with?”
He didn’t need to say it. You knew already.
“Who do you want to touch you?” you murmured, hand reaching out to skim over his chest, his stomach, grazing over the very top of his pants and toying with the band of his boxers. “Who do you want to make you feel good, Romeo?”
A low whine caught within his throat when you leaned forward to kiss up the column of his throat, nipping at the skin lightly. All of his sanity seemed to fly straight out the window when your hand dipped within his boxer, tugging out his semi-hard cock, languidly stroking along the length. He moaned, chest rumbling with the sound.
Your eyelids hung low as you nosed along his jaw, which strained with how hard he was clenching his teeth. “Mmh, you’re a dirty little pervert, aren’t you? Sneaking away from your girlfriend to rut your pretty cock against me. You’re a mess and I’ve barely even touched you, Rome.”
It’d been so long. So fucking long since someone touched him this way. Since he’d let someone touch him like this. Since he wanted someone to touch him like this. It was all you. Just you, and only you.
And so, it was no wonder that he was nearing his orgasm already, twitching within your grasp as he whined louder. He murmured unintelligibly, pleading for something he didn’t yet know. 
“Can you be a good boy and cum for me?” you susurrated, planting kisses over his jaw, his cheek, the bridge of his nose. You didn’t dare kiss him on the lips—you weren’t quite sure if that would be too far for your peculiar relationship. 
When he came, a loud groan erupted from his throat, which was quickly muffled when you clapped a palm over his mouth, his eyes flew open to meet yours, pupils fully blown, almost eclipsing the molten brown of his irises. You stroked him through his orgasm, murmuring a mixture of degradations and praises all the way.
You pulled back when he began to jerk his hips away with overstimulation, panting against your palm. The sticky spend on your hand glistened beneath the lamp’s warm-hued light, and you brought it up to your face to kitten-lick his cum off his fingers, humming in satisfaction. The sight nearly made Roman pass out. He swallowed hard, propping himself up on the bed on an elbow.
Voice hoarse, he croaked out, “Thanks. Do you, uh… do you need…”
Yes. You wanted it so badly—you wanted him. 
But you knew Roman wasn’t really in the right mindspace to reciprocate anything at the moment. And the guilt that weighed heavy in your stomach would’ve only been worsened if you’d pressured him into anything that he might’ve been uncomfortable with. 
Baby steps. The two of you had been taking baby steps in your relationship ever since you were, well… babies.
“I’m fine, Rome,” you told him, ignoring the drenched throbbing between your thighs and crawling up next to him to lay down. “You can repay me in the future.”
The haze from his orgasm was beginning to clear away. Roman’s nose buried into your sweet-smelling hair. “With, like, a fuckin’ Baskin Robbins coupon or my tongue up your vagina?”
A soft laugh and a shake of your head. “Both sound wonderful,” you told him, curling up into his warmth. A wave of sleepiness overtook you. It’d been a really long day. “Night, Rome.”
“Night, fuck-face.” 
You might’ve simply hallucinated it in your sleep-addled mind, but you could feel a faint brush of lips on your forehead, along with a whisper of thanks. You fell asleep with a smile on your face that night. Roman had taken a picture (with the flash on, which made for quite unflattering lighting) and sent it to you the next morning, giggling his amusing hyena-giggle while the two of you were in the bathroom—with you brushing your teeth and him perched up on the toilet seat lid. It was a tender moment of picturesque domesticism—a life that didn’t quite seem right for the two of you, unless it was with each other.
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The rest of the weekend at the Pierce’s estate was uneventful. Everybody had gone home thinking the deal wasn’t going to go through—Shiv had told you her dad fucked everything by refusing to name her as the next CEO.
But, to everyone’s surprise except Logan’s, Nan Pierce ended up calling only a few hours later that she’d sell. You weren’t quite happy with the turn of events, but you supposed that’s just how it was with Logan. 
He always won.
Argestes, a business conference for important folk all over the world, was just under a month later. It was a rather prestigious event, the itinerary always decked with the most ludicrously rich and fanciful activities, with only limited invites handed out. 
This was to be your sixth annual year attending. 
You arrived with Roman practically draped over you, much to the press’ delight. After he made a snide comment about how manipulative you could be when it came to business, you bid him adieu, off to fraternize and mingle with potential allies you might need in your pocket. You were just grateful not to bump into Peter Pierce—the last thing you wanted to do was have him glued to your side for the rest of the weekend. 
The next day, when you’d just barely stepped out of your room, you got a frantic text from Roman. It was a link to a journal article about the cruise incidents, followed by a series of question marks and an indiscernible mash of emojis. The last text gave you the room he and his family were in. 
You rushed off to meet them there, checking your constantly buzzing phone along the way to see texts fly from dozens of people: Shiv, Gerri, your colleagues, your friends, your coworkers alike. This wasn’t a good look for the company, that was for sure. 
When you finally got there, Roman quirked a brow at you. “Have you read this? Tell me this isn’t the greyest shit you’ve ever read.”
“Give me a second, I’ve barely even woken up, much less had time to read the article.” You settled in beside him, opening up the link to begin reading. From across the room, Logan was skimming through a physical copy, glasses on the very tip of his nose as he mumbled under his breath. Shiv was on the other end, waiting for everyone to finish reading. 
Finally, you reached the end of the article, slumping back with furrowed brows. “This is, uhm, serious stuff but it’s also really unclear what’s actually being thrown at the wall here.”
“Maybe this, maybe that bullshit,” Roman uttered.
“Rome, careful,” said Kendall.
“Is this one of those things I need a woman to explain to me why it’s bad?” His head knocked into yours. “You tell me—is it bad?”
Offering him a shrug, you huffed out a sigh and scrolled all the way back up to read it again. “It’s bad, it’s fucking awful someone had to go through this—but in all honesty, I expected far worse for a journal article to blow up this much.”
Growing frustrated, Logan ripped his glasses off. “What’s the protein?”
A man you only faintly recalled as Hugo Baker, part of the Parks and Cruises sector, replied, “They found a woman, Keerson. She was working the cruises back in the mid nineties, and name-checked Lester McClintock.”
Gerri nodded. “She says Uncle Mo asked for sex with her and the other dancers to get their contracts renewed.”
“So they fucked?” Logan asked.
“It says sexual exploitation,” clarified Shiv.
“Said subject of the article is dead,” you chimed in. “So the blame on Mo will effectively be shifted onto Waystar. Negligence of ethical conduct, cruise malpractice, so on and so forth.”
A moment of silence filled the room.
“Well, what can we do about it?” Roman queried. 
Gerri said, “There’s not a lot of specifics. It’s not detailed. Cold hard facts: it’s one woman in the nineties, not twenty women four years ago.”
This made Kendall’s face sour, as he pulled the bill of his cap down lower over his face. “Great. I’m glad we’re so good at doing victim math.”
“Yeah, well, Gerri’s just saying it doesn’t necessarily punch through,” Shiv defended.
The older brother gestured to his phone. “Sure, but… this is not okay.”
“We know it’s not okay, that’s why we’re preparing a corporate response,” the redhead bit back. 
The conversation moved on to PR, which Gerri claimed to be Preston. This was met with Shiv’s vehement disapproval—they were three disgusting, old white dudes who, in her words, would just claim the women to be money-grabbing sluts.
“Call me sociopathic but isn’t this a tiny bit quaint in comparison to the past few years?” asked Roman. 
You bit down on the inside of your cheek in thought. “I think they’re hyperfixating on this right now because they see it as a gap in the chainmail. Mo is dead. He’s not around to bear the weight of blame on his shoulders.”
“We’re being punished for the sins of others,” claimed Logan. “No one real gives a fuck.”
You narrowed your eyes at the hot take. 
For once, you seemed to agree with Kendall when he shook his head. “No, no, we can’t be seen to minimize. I think we need to loudly and quickly say that this is not okay.”
“The question is, what would make it go away the fastest? Do we say it’s something and fix it, or say that it’s nothing and fuck off?” Gerri asked.
“Something,” pushed Kendall. “There has to be consequences.”
To your frustration, Shiv shook her head. “Nope. Condemn and move on. It’s just good advice.”
“Not to be the only frilly-pink feminist in the room, but this isn’t something to sweep under the rug. It may not seem that serious at first glance because of the vagueness but a few dozen women’s lives were ruined, and that’s just barely what we know because of the NDAs. If we ignore it now, it’ll come back to bite the company in the ass later down the line. The least we can do is compensate them, no?” you said, crossing your arms.
Sinking into a wooden chair that creaked beneath his weight, Logan threw his hands up. “This is bullshit. It’s all about me! It’s not real, it’s not honest. They don’t give a flying fuck for these poor bitches. They hate me! And I won’t be giving them the satisfaction of giving in. So no—condemn and move on.” 
You wanted to bury your face in your hands and scream. But you didn’t. You stood still and expressionless. 
They started discussing the panel for later that day. The original plan was for it to be Kendall and Roman up there, but having a woman up there would be much more… fitting given the well-timed article’s release. Shiv haughtily refused, but softened upon her dad asking her if she would. 
She’d think about it. 
And with that, the group began to file out. 
The hours trickled on by and before you knew it, there was only ten minutes until Roman and Kendall were supposed to go up for the panel. You were helping Rome rehearse through what he was supposed to say, even though you didn’t agree with the direction they were taking with simply condemning—it was better than not addressing it at all. 
It was all going smoothly until Shiv burst through the doors, declaring that she wanted to be up there for the panel, much to both Kendall and Roman’s dismay.
“Come on, man. It’s panicky as fuck,” said the eldest of the three. “It looks… kind of fucking cheesy, to be honest. Like we’re throwing our token woman at it? The woman who’s not even in our company?”
“Well, it can’t be two men up there right now. It just—it can’t. Right?” Shiv rounded her gaze to you, and you shrugged half-heartedly. 
“I don’t know, Shiv.”
Standing up, Hugo suggested, “Well, the audience is just expecting Roys, so—maybe we stick at two and someone relaxes.”
Logan’s gaze fell on his youngest son. “Romulus.”
“What? You want to pull me? That—that looks like a humiliation,” your friend heatedly defended. 
“We could just say you got sick,” Hugo said.
Both you and Roman made eye contact and you nodded at him to defend himself.
“No. No, you can’t just fuckin’ bump me ten minutes before the panel. That’s bullshit! Fuck that. Respectfully, dad, why is Shiv even here?” he hissed.
“I was invited,” Shiv replied in a serrated tone.
Roman crossed his arms. “Yeah, well, no, I need to be out there. We need to hang together. You know, like, family.”
Rolling her eyes, Shiv drew herself to her full height. “Oh, so you wanna get Connor on the line, get him to come down here, too? Let him dog-pile on so no one’s nose gets put out of joint?”
“I’ll put your nose out of joint!”
“Oh, yeah, you should say that on the panel—!” Shiv pursed her lips. “If you wanna know what I really think—I think you should drop both of them and I’ll do it solo.”
This time, you were quick to say, “Shiv, I love you, but you’re not part of the company yet. To shove you up there alone would look like fucking… empty wokeness. Like we’re smothering the problem with estrogen and calling it a day.”
Roman nodded. “Pretty desperate, Shiv—exploiting the situation for personal gain, hm?”
The three siblings bickered some more until it grew quite cumbersome and repetitive. 
Two minutes until the panel.
Logan held up three fingers, and that was the end of that.
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The panel was… certainly a panel.
It was a lot of dancing around the subject between Kendall and Shiv. You were pretty sure Roman had only said a grand total of two short sentences. 
“We’ll do whatever it takes, you know? We’ll do whatever anyone wants,” he had said. 
From where you were watching on a screen backstage, you face-palmed with a sigh.
By the end, Shiv had made the fatal mistake of implying that Logan should step down from his position, going so far as to call him an old dinosaur. 
It was a shitshow, painted over with glitter and rainbows. In all honesty, it was an embarrassment to even associate yourself with the company at this point. There went all your business schmoozing and fraternizing for the past two days—right down the drain.
“Nice. Bring your daughter to the slaughter. Did you tell the old dinosaur what you were going to do?” Roman asked his twin once the three siblings returned to the room you were in. 
“Hey, I’m sorry, ‘We will do whatever anyone wants?’ What the hell was that?” Kendall asked.
Shrugging, Roman clapped both his hands on your shoulders from behind, squeezing your tensed muscles. “Fuck it, right? It’s just words. There’s no press, anyway. Who gives a shit?”
It was then that Logan walked in, Marcia and Gerri in tow. Roman’s hands slipped away from you to go pour himself a drink and stand by his father.
“It was too much, Siobhan,” said their stepmother. “Dinosaurs?”
Ducking his head, Kendall nodded. “It was over the line. Shiv was over the line.”
Brows cinching, Shiv protested, “Oh, I think it was pretty clear that I was talking about—”
Roman interrupted after taking a long sip of champagne. “No, it was clear, yeah. You tortured the old dinosaur. Barbecued him alive—!”
In a blink of an eye, Logan swung around and back-handed his son straight across the jaw, bellowing out, “Don’t fuck with me!”
The hit rang loud and true across the room. Flesh on flesh, skin on skin, father to son, boot to dog.
Roman fell back with a muffled noise, and you were immediately shooting out of your seat to curl a protective arm around him, placing yourself between him and his aggrieved father. Commotion sprung out—Kendall vehemently yelling at Logan not to touch his brother as if he were a valiant hero, Gerri trying her best to quell the situation with reassuring words.
But all the noise was drowned out in your ears. It was just you and Roman.
It was like you were children all over again, watching with watery eyes as young Roman tried his best to pick himself up after Logan’s frequent beatings. You hadn’t even noticed that your eyes had welled up with a warbling film of stinging tears, heart slamming against your ribcage with staggering, uneven jolts. 
He hunched over, working his jaw and spitting into his palm a second later. 
A tooth fell past his lips, flecked with blood and spit. You could feel your lips twitch downwards as you tried your hardest not to cry.
Kendall flanked to his left, his hand on his brother’s shoulder, and Shiv stood in front of him.
“Rome—you alright?” they both asked. “You okay?”
He worked his jaw again, then shrugged off Kendall’s hand. He was in no mood to be coddled by anyone but you.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fucking fine! Just fucking—leave me alone. I’m fine.” As you began to lead him away, he called over his shoulder. “It’s just a tooth. I’ll get another one.”
Once it was just the two of you in the hallway, Roman dropped the act. It hurt like hell, and he felt safe enough around you not to have to put up a front.
You tugged him into your room with a mildly haunted expression, fingers gripping far too tightly into Roman’s arm. He walked into the bathroom to rinse his mouth out. The water ran a dark shade of pink. 
As he gingerly began brushing his teeth with a spare toothbrush you handed him, you studied his reflection. He stared back, hating how worried you looked for him. 
“You want me to call a medic?” you asked, voice small. “There’s a few on site.”
Roman squinted at nothing in particular, humming. His tongue ran along the part of his gums that throbbed the most. It tasted like copper. A familiar taste. Nostalgic, even.
“No.”
“Do you need to be alone?”
“Fuck, no.”
You rolled a tissue into a tightly-packed bundle, telling him to bite down on it to stop the bleeding. He did as you told, but not without complaining about it tasting like ass. It actually tasted like nothing, but Roman wanted to make you smile. He hated seeing you so worked up.
With that, the two of you made your way out of the bathroom. You made him sit down on your bed and wrapped your arms around him, clinging onto him like a koala to a tree trunk. The both of you slowly kicked off layers of your clothes, trying your best not to break hold of each other in the process. Shoes first, then jackets, then pants, then button-ups.
You were left in a dark short sleeve and your underwear, and he’d tossed off all his clothes except his boxers. 
“The Argie awards are in an hour,” said Roman. His lips brushed against your collarbone as he rested his forehead onto the slope of your shoulder.
“I wouldn’t have stripped down to nearly nothing if I was planning on going.”
“You’re gonna miss dinner. You’ll starve to death—and you won’t be allowed to blame me for it.”
“I have a banana somewhere in here. Plus—room service is only a call away.”
“Mmh. Mmkay.”
The tooth was still curled inside his clenched fist. 
“Wait,” you murmured against him, crawling off his lap to grapple for your wallet that you’d left on the nightstand. Roman murmured unhappily at the loss of warm contact, rubbing his palms up and down your legs. “I don’t really carry cash around these days but… I always keep a few spare coins in here.”
He watched as you fished through the slits, brandishing first a dime, then a nickel. Another dime.
Then you pulled out a quarter, grinning widely.
“I’m supposed to slip this under your pillow while you’re sleeping, but I have a feeling you’re not gonna let me get up for the rest of the night,” you whispered, crawling back to him and throwing a leg over his waist. He curled his own legs around you as well, leaning his weight into you. His head throbbed, his jaw throbbed harder, his heart throbbed the most. 
The cool metal of the quarter fell into his free hand. Then, he unfurled his fist. You stared down at the bloody tooth with unsure eyes.
“You have pretty teeth,” you told him after snapping out of your initial frozen state, pressing your nose into his uninjured cheek. “Even when we were kids, you had the prettiest pearly whites.”
Roman smiled, even though it ached to. “I remember you chased me around for my tooth once. Like a fucking freak.”
“Hm. You loved it, Romey.”
“Yeah, sure. Whatever,” he said, trying his best to be dismissive. Then, he craned his arm to place the tooth on the nightstand. 
You yawned, and he followed closely after you.
“It’s only eight at night. We’re falling asleep at fuckin’... fucking granny hour,” he grumbled.
A giggle, cut off by another yawn. “I don’t blame us. It’s been a long day. Sweet dreams, Romeo.”
“Night, fuck-face.”
“You know I love you, right?” you whispered. A light kiss to his throat as he swallowed.
“Obviously. You’re infatuated with me. Obsessed, even.”
If one was infatuated-slash-obsessed with the other, it’d most certainly be Roman.
You hummed and grinned into him. You didn’t deny his words, merely huffing with amusement. “I’m going to take your tooth and sell it on EBay for a hundred bucks.”
I’m fucking in love you, he wanted to scream.
“Fuck off,” he said. “It’s worth a million bucks at least. Shut up—stop fucking smiling, you freak. Go to sleep.”
You settled against him some more, and drifted off a few minutes later, listening to his heart beat from his throat.
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You weren’t entirely sure what had transpired during the last few hours of Argestes, but there was one thing made clear: Nan Pierce had called off the acquisition entirely. You had no idea what to think of the entire situation anymore. You were just… tired of it all.
Not long after, a team had called you in to record a video message for Logan’s big fiftieth anniversary at Waystar. You were given very little time to figure out what to say, and so your message was short and sweet:
“Hey, Uncle Logan. I think we all owe you a bit of gratitude for giving half a century of your life to the large, ever-expanding field we call media. You’ve always been a constant figure in my life—heh, more constant than my own parents. I couldn’t imagine where I’d be without you. Congratulations, and I look forward to the next fifty years working by your side.”
It wasn’t over the top, and only slightly sugar-coated with falsities. 
Once you stepped out of the recording booth, Roman shot you a grin. “Cocksucker,” he teased. “There you go—something you and Rhea can bond over.”
You prodded his chest with stiff fingers. “Shut up,” you fondly told him.
“How’d you even get all that in one fucking take? They had me say ‘I love you, Dad’, like, ten times in a row.”
Before you could retort back, the two of you bumped into Shiv, who was typing away furiously at her phone. 
“What do you guys reckon—you think Dad is boning Rhea?” she asked.
With a snort, Roman strode away to pour himself a cup of coffee. “Can’t wrap my head around that. Too steamy. Too hot.”
“You are a walking Freudian complex, you know that, Ro?” you asked him, bumping his hips with yours so he’d move over as you fixed your own drink. “I don’t wanna think about it, honestly. Who my godfather fucks is really none of my business.”
“You’re just jealous. You want daddykins all to yourself!” said Roman in a sing-song voice, which made you purposefully step onto his toes. “OW!”
The hot coffee jostled over the rim of his cup and some of it sloshed onto his chest. He sent you a glare and you kissed his cheek with a sweet smile before moving off to sit next to Connor.
“Yeah, yeah, but we should, like, talk about what this means. We’re… we’re all sensing the shift, right?” asked Shiv.
“Gerri says she’s the new thing,” said Roman as he took a seat beside you, obnoxiously leaning back to drape both his legs over your thighs.
Connor lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “Well, it just so happens that Gerri was the new thing a while back.”
“Mmh—Logan made it clear that she was more or less there as a placeholder,” you said, sipping on your cup, watching the siblings over the rim. “Come on—there’s no way Logan is handing the company over to a woman, much less a woman older than fifty. It’s a shame, because Gerri really could’ve been a great CEO had she been given an actual chance.”
It didn’t go past your notice to see Shiv’s face contort with dismay at your words. Not too long ago, she’d been under the impression that Logan was handing the company over to a woman—her. 
“I just think we need to be careful,” she said.
“Awh, what’s wrong? You all wedgied up because Rhea stood on your back and worked your arms like an elliptical?” asked Roman, which made both you and Connor snort with amusement.
She rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying, we should probably have a plan. You know, in case Dad does something rash.”
It was then that Connor was called away to record his message, and Kendall sauntered in just a minute later. His jacket and pants were noticeably rumpled and a pair of sunglasses sat on the bridge of his nose. Only assholes like Kendall would wear sunglasses indoors.
“Hey, what’s up?” he greeted everyone.
“You’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday—you want us to think you got laid. Nice try.” Both you and Roman giggled like schoolgirls, which only had the older man rolling his eyes. 
“Well, have fun discussing killing Rhea—” you began.
“There wasn’t anything about killing—” protested Shiv.
“I’m gonna head out. Gotta get some work done before the flight to Dundee. Which, is so fucking over the top, by the way. Even my parents are going for this. They weren’t there for any of my birthdays in the past twenty years, but sure, let’s go to Uncle Logan’s celebration for his fiftieth year working at Waystar.” You nudged Roman’s legs off of yours so you could stand up. 
Rome’s eyes widened. “Your parents are coming? Damn. Rhea really went all out, didn’t she?”
You frowned. “Feels more like a personal affront to me than anything. Not looking forward to seeing them, but whatever. See you guys later.”
They all murmured their farewells and you patted Roman’s knee softly before heading out.
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Dundee was cold. So cold that you had to wear two layers of thermal socks, and your toes were still cold. Roman made fun of you the entire way into the hotel room, joking about icicles forming beneath your chin. 
Once you were finally inside, you cranked your heater up as high as it could go, shedding all your layers off with a grateful moan. It’d been a long flight, and you were exhausted.
Roman laid down on your bed, lazily turning his head to follow your movements as you flitted to and fro around your room, unpacking your essentials.
“There’s better ways to warm up than hanging your wrinkled button-ups,” he quipped. One of his brows quirked upwards in an almost seductive manner.
You laughed at that, fishing out articles of clothing from your luggage. “You’re all bark and no bite, Roman. Besides—you literally brought Tabitha to this event. Where even is she, anyway?”
With a shrug, he remarked absentmindedly, “Oh, she’s off exploring all the joys of Scotland.”
“So… grass and sheep?”
He laughed his hyena-laugh. “Yeah, grass and sheep.” Then, he propped himself up on an elbow to face you properly. “Did you bring a date?”
“Ugh. Didn’t want to bring one. Not with my parents coming. It’ll be a nightmare.”
Something in Roman’s eyes softened. “I would’ve been your date if, uh, if I hadn’t already asked Tabs. To be fair, I asked her before I knew about your parents. I can kick her back to America right now if you ask.”
You paused in your ministrations. “Stop it. I like Tabs. She’s nice. And I wouldn’t have wanted you to be my date out of pity, anyway.”
Roman lifted his shoulders in a slow shrug, lips pursed. “It wouldn’t be pity if I wanted to.”
A beat of silence. 
You blew out a sigh. “I’m really here for the image. I’ll say hi to my parents, and then avoid them for the rest of the night.”
“I can help you with avoiding them.”
“Hm?”
“Gerri wants me to secure funding for Waystar to go private. As a… back up plan, in case everything combusts into fuckin’ flames. She wants me to target Eduard. Seduce him, or whatever. You can come with—butter him up with all your oozy corporate rank and that—that pretty face on your face. He wouldn’t be able to resist if we double-combo him.” Roman shot you a lopsided smile that only lifted one corner of his lips. You pushed away the urge to coo at the fact that he called your face pretty. “Or… you can flit around with all of Dad’s cocksuckers and awkwardly bump into your parents two hundred times before the waterworks break out and you make an embarrassment of yourself in the middle of the celebration.”
Done with putting away your clothes, you made your way to the bed and sat down beside him, your shoulder pressed up flush over his. 
“You’re a lifesaver, Rome. Yeah, of course I’ll come.”
“Yeah, yeah. You can repay me with a blowjob.”
You laughed, but a small part of you wondered if he was serious.
“Any other ways I can repay you? None that could, uhm, potentially warrant a lawsuit?”
Roman scratched at his chin in thought. “Yeah, actually—what if we got, like, married?” His voice went all soft and high-pitched. Lilting. Tentative. 
Your eyes widened at first, then narrowed thinly. “What?” you asked, partially incredulous. He was joking, right?
Right?
“Not like—” He gestured aimlessly. “Not like that. Not actual marriage. Like something equivalent to that—like me chaining you down in the basement, or something. Like me kidnapping you and keeping you hostage.”
“Romeo, what the hell are you talking about?” You sat forward, your face all the closer to his. “In what world is that equivalent to marriage?”
Nervous anxiety clawed within his stomach. “Jesus Christ, I’m not talking about marriage. Just something on that fucking level of us being tied together. I don’t know, you chop off my dick, I chop off your tongue, whatever the fuck. You know, like, you eat me, I eat you—like they do in Germany.”
You were pretty sure that’s not what they did in Germany.
“You know what I mean.” His eyes were pleading, asking you for something you weren’t quite sure of.
“I… I don’t think I do?” You took one of his hands. “Rome, what’s going on? You’re being… weirder than normal. Did something happen with Tabitha?”
Because he was in love with you and he had no idea how to say it. 
The answer to Roman was simple: he just wouldn’t.
Hastily, Roman pulled away from your touch. He rolled off the bed in one single motion, almost tumbling over his own feet as he scrambled to the door. He tried to ignore your crestfallen expression watching him put more distance between the two of you.
“No, nothing happened with Tabitha. Just, uh—just think about it. I’ll text you the details to meet Eduard. Bye!” He was already halfway out the door with his last word.
You screwed your lips to the side in puzzled exasperation, and blew out a heavy sigh.
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The pub was nearly empty, save for a snogging couple near the back, and a few scattered about the seats casually sipping their ale as they watched the soccer match on the mounted television above the bar. Amongst them was Eduard, standing out like a sore thumb with his crisp suit and his dark, slicked-back hair. Just the sight of him seemed to cost money.
“My God, you smell like cotton candy—I almost want to lick your neck. Don’t you want to lick his neck, Y/N?” Roman asked instead of greeting him like any regular person would.
You shot him a half-hearted glare before sticking your hand out. Roman had always been one to overstep boundaries. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Asgarov.”
“Oh, please, Eduard is fine. And the pleasure is all mine,” he languidly drawled, eyes darting up and down your form as a pleased smile curled the corner of your lips. He firmly clasped your palm in a handshake. “I’ve heard much about you—general manager… the glue of the company, some people say. But Roman never mentioned that you were so beautiful.”
A large part of Roman’s insides bristled with hostility, an emotion he couldn’t quite put his finger on, but he plastered on a strained smile anyway. “Yup, yeah, forgot to mention. But, uh, yeah, thanks for coming, man. My dad’s going to be very pleased when he sees old friends and whatnot…” He waved the bartender over to order himself a pint, and added on a non-alcoholic beverage for you—he knew you didn’t like to drink during the day. Then, he caught sight of the television. “What’s this? Who’s playing?”
“Scottish,” replied Eduard, taking a sip of his own beer. “I’m thinking of getting in.”
 Your eyebrows raised a notch. “Mmh, smart choice. Lots of buried money in European soccer leagues.”
Eduard spared you a warm smile.
A frown crossed Roman’s features—he was starting to regret inviting you, even though he’d been the one to suggest you flirt him up. 
“Scottish kicky-ball,” he remarked. “Looks like two eunuchs trying to fuck a letterbox.”
His foul comment went largely ignored by the two of you. 
Eduard was certainly an attractive man, you thought once you watched his tongue draw out to run along his lips in thought. “I’m liking the look of Hibs,” he said, eyes trained on the television, flitting down to glance at you for a second. “Or Hearts. I’m undecided.”
“Hearts?” asked Roman. “That’s my dad’s team. The only childhood relic he can stomach.”
Hazy memories of seven-year-old you peeking over the expensive leather couches to see what your godfather was watching on screen came across your mind. It always cycled through the same three channels: ATN, soccer, and old black-and-white English films from the fifties. You never stayed for long, always darting out of the room in fear of him turning to see you there, watching along with him. But from the little that you did catch a glimpse of—you could only barely recall the green insignias and jerseys of the Hibs on the screen.
“I think he was a Hibs fan, no?” you asked, thanking the bartender when he slid your drink over. 
Roman scoffed. “Pfft—I think I’d know which team dad likes.” You didn’t bother trying to argue with him. After all, your childhood memories weren’t exactly the most reliable source.
With a half-minded hum, Eduard said, “I’ve got an agent in Spain. I buy the club, he loans me nine shit-hot players. Climb the ladder, take the second Champion’s League space, UEFA goes full European super-league, flip it, walk away.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it sounds fucking slick, dude,” Roman replied, sipping on the frothy part of his drink. “Slicker than cum on a dolphin’s back.”
“You want in?” asked Eduard.
“Mmh, maybe. But before all that—can we talk about what we talked about before? You know, a major injection, or even taking us private. Have you talked to your dad?” asked Roman. 
A smile and a nod. “It’s a conversation we can have—I have total, three-sixty latitude to work on my father’s behalf.”
“Great. Yeah, cool. No, me too. Yup.”
He didn’t, but you wisely kept your mouth shut. 
“Weird, how much we’re the same,” said Roman, playfully punching Eduard’s shoulder.
“Yeah, you guys are practically twins,” you quipped, smiling over the rim of your glass. “Couldn’t tell the two of you apart.”
The dark-haired man tilted his head. “Buy them with me. We’ll split it fifty-fifty.”
“I, uh…” Roman spared you a look, silently asking you if he was being stupid with his rashness. “I don’t really see a downside, other than zero knowledge or interest in Scottish football. But, yeah! Hearts. Sounds fun.”
“Hibs,” you said.
Roman wrinkled his nose. “Hearts.”
“Hearts, it is,” said Eduard.
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It wasn’t Hearts. 
After Kendall’s laughable rap song about—what was it—stanning his dad and calling him the OG, Roman had broken the news that he’d bought the Hearts club as a present for Logan on such a special day.
Logan fixed the three of you with a blank stare. 
“The Hearts?” he echoed.
Roman spread his arms, wiggling the tips of his finger in a sad rendition of jazz hands. “Mhm.”
“Hearts Football Club?”
Roman nodded.
Shiftily, Logan looked towards you. He always looked to you for clarification when he couldn’t understand his son—which was quite often.
“Uhm, Roman bought the Hearts for you,” you said, voice small.
“It’s your team, right?” Rome asked.
A beat of silence.
“I’m Hibs,” said your godfather.
You fucking knew it.
“You’re Hibs,” parroted Roman, his shoulders beginning to droop. “Really? Are you sure? I thought you were Hearts—I’m pretty sure you were Hearts, dad.”
Scratching at his chin, Logan softly said, “You know what, maybe you’re right. Hm. How would I know what team I’ve supported all my fucking life? Who knows—maybe I supported Kilmarnock. Or Fucklechester Rangers? I mean, how could I possibly know?”
Roman recoiled as if he’d been kicked. Eduard patted his shoulder, and brushed his hand along your lower back as he slipped away, chest burning with secondhand embarrassment. 
“Sorry, Uncle Logan, there’s just been a, uh, a miscommunication—” you said, hastily tugging Roman away. The two of you wove through the crowd until you got out of the large room, into one of the quieter halls. 
You chewed on your bottom lip, watching Roman frustratedly pace back and forth in front of you. Just as you opened your mouth to speak, he snapped out, “I thought he was fucking Hearts, dude!”
“... I told you, Ro.”
He scowled. “Ugh. Shut up.”
Before you could ask if he could maybe switch somehow, two figures pushed through the doors, coming to stand in front of you. You tore your gaze away from the flustered man, fixing your eyes on—
Fuck.
“It’s lovely to see you, Y/N,” said your mother. In her hand was a glass of wine, half empty. “You’ve grown quite a bit. Have you gained weight?”
She reached out, but you immediately stepped back, closer to Roman. 
After getting over your initial shock, you cleared your throat and tentatively responded, “Hi, mom. Dad.”
The couple gave you an awkward onceover. It’d been years since you last saw them, with maybe one or two texts exchanged every year for the holidays. Though, even that wasn’t a guarantee.
“We, uhm, we saw you rush out with Roman here and thought we’d say hello,” said your father, sparing you a terse smile.
“Wow.” Roman, unsurprisingly, inserted himself into the conversation. “And the parents of the year award goes to…”
“You thought you’d say hello. Jesus—I haven’t seen either of you in fucking forever and the first thing you do is nitpick at my appearance?” you growled, fists clenching by your side. “Listen, if you want to be in my life, then be in my life. But you can’t pretend that everything is okay when you see me and then promptly waltz off and disappear for another decade or two.”
Your mother sipped at her wine, at a loss for words. They glanced at each other, both wearing a mildly guilty expression, but had really nothing to defend themself with.
With an angry scoff, you stormed back into the room where Logan was about to give his closing speech, shoulder roughly knocking into your father’s as you brushed past him. 
Roman scratched the back of his head, left alone with your parents. 
“For the record, Y/N is doing fucking great without either of you. You know—crunching those numbers, being a goddamn messiah for the lower-level employees, fucking the boss. All that jazz.” He grinned and hum-laughed when their eyes widened in shock, and sauntered in after you. It wasn’t exactly that white of a lie. You’d given him a handjob and the two of you technically had phone sex—would those two activities put together constitute as one whole traditional, in-person fuck?
He’d come in to stand beside you and Tabitha just in time to hear his father make the announcement.
“... And I shall be appointing Rhea Jarrell as my Chief Executive Operator.”
The crowd burst into applause. Roman clapped with a faux-surprised expression. When he glanced at you, you were wiping the corner of your eyes with the back of your palm and hastily clapped along.
Once the cheers began to mellow away, Roman stopped clapping to lace his fingers through the gaps of yours, squeezing tight. Your eyes watered even more at the contact, but you squeezed back in gratitude.
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There was an interview of  James Weissel on the television: a whistleblowing interview tossing Gerri, Kendall, and Tom into the stinking shitpot that was the cruise incidents, accusing the three of covering up McClintock’s actions. Logan had shut it off before anybody could finish watching.
Whilst everyone was busy prattling off about how bad of a situation this was, Gerri seemed to be the one lighthouse amidst the storm.
“I say we tell the truth,” she calmly said, adjusting her glasses to sit higher up her nose. “The family knew nothing of this. We throw Mo overboard. Mo, bad apple. Jim Weasel, bad apple. Spies a book deal—sotto voce, backed by Sandy and Stewy. All corporate fuckery, no real concern. In terms of historic shit? I say we give up Bill. He should’ve let us know what he discovered rather than cleaning up without telling us the details.”
Bill had been the old Tom before Tom was, well, Tom.
And so there was the strategy: letting Bill take the fall, and kill him off. It wasn’t… a decision you necessarily felt good about, but it was the least messy the situation could be.
Things felt like they’d be smoothed over, just for a little bit.
But then Siobhan came in, phone clutched tightly in her hand. “Gil is going to call for hearings.”
This stirred up quite a murmur in the room. Both Kendall and Frank sat up in their seats with incredulous questions on the tip of their tongues.
“Yeah, Senate Commerce. Probably House, too.” 
Gerri was on her phone in an instant. “Buckle up folks,” she said while scrolling through the news. “We’re going to get an invite to the national latrine. See who’s going to take a public dump.”
“Mr. Fuck is going to Washington,” Shiv sighed.
It was then that Logan let out an ear-splitting bellow of rage. It shocked both you and Roman into flinching. 
“NO! I CAN’T HAVE THIS NOW!” he screamed in distress.
There was a long moment of silence. 
In a leveled tone, you asked Shiv, “Who’s testifying?”
“Uh, well… well, they’d want Dad.”
Kendall quickly protested, “No, we can’t—we won’t let that happen—”
“Protect the egg chamber!” said Roman. Nobody could quite tell if he was being sarcastic or not. 
It was then that Hugo suggested Gerri and Tom to testify. The group went back and forth for a little while longer on what the play would be, but it was quite clear that everybody was already settled with Gerri and Tom going up there. 
To your surprise, Logan called for you and Roman out of the room. 
A part of you wondered if he’d beat Roman over the head with his fancy business shoe for buying the wrong soccer team. You certainly wouldn’t put it past him, especially in his already-agitated state. 
“I need both of your help,” he told the two of you once you were out of the room, lingering by the foot of the pristine staircase. 
“Need someone to run to the store for smokes?” Roman asked, his hands propped on his hips.
“This’ll go on all night… and it might not be okay,” your godfather said.
This made you tilt your head. “Will this really sway the shareholders into folding? It happened under our noses three decades ago, and the perpetrator is dead.”
“The very fact that we’re being called to testify will spook the shareholders. I’m on a knife’s edge.” He grunted softly as he lowered himself to sit on one of the lower steps of the cold staircase. “Ten bad minutes on camera, and that could be it. The end.”
Roman’s brows raised. “The end? Come on, Dad.”
“I need the two of you to chase down the sovereign wealth money,” said Logan.
You and Roman glanced at one another. Was he being serious? 
“Right. Uhm… I mean—that’s… it’s a cool idea, but it’d be a stretch, no?” Roman tentatively brought up. 
Logan leaned forward, shifting his weight onto his elbows, which were resting upon his knees. Though he had made himself physically smaller, he’d always be the biggest presence in the room. “We need that central Asian money. It’s a time out from the responsibilities of being a public company. That’s a fucking lifeline, if I’ve ever seen one.”
“They’d be taking on a massive amount of debt. That’s a… huge responsibility, Uncle Logan.” 
The older man snorted. “Which is why I’m making you go with him. Make sure he doesn’t fuck up. Keep it under wraps. And bring Karl and Laird with you, as well, for the financial matters.” There was a pause as he studied the two of you. “Can you do it?”
Roman scratched anxiously at the back of his head. “Fuck, Dad, I want to say I can. But, I’ll be honest—if it’s, like, really important… I mean, I can say I can do it—like one of those firefighters in the movies. But I don’t know if—”
“You act the fuckleknuckle, but you know… people like you.” 
There it was. A narrow slant of light. It wasn’t real—at least, you didn’t think it was—but it was warmth regardless.
Roman’s features twisted. “It’s a really big fucking deal.”
“Nah. It’s getting the right number from the right suit. Getting your dick in there is easy. Getting into bed—that’s the hard part,” said his father. “You can do it. Both of you can.”
You scuffed your shoe against the floor just as Roman’s nose twitched. 
“Yeah. Sure, dad, I got it.”
Logan pushed himself off the staircase, placing a hand on each of your shoulders. The light was warm, and far too addicting. He smiled softly. 
It wasn’t real, you had to remind yourself. It’s never real. But did that really matter? Did it?
“You’re brilliant, my dear. A real force to reckon with. I trust you to hammer the nail right on its head,” he said. 
You swallowed harshly. “I hope we won’t disappoint, Uncle.”
When he pulled away, he began to make his way towards the doors once more. “Keep me close,” he said. 
And with that, he was gone.
Roman let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding. 
“Why does it feel like we just dug our own graves? I feel like I’ve got fuckin’ dirt in my eyes,” he lamented just as you leaned your head onto his shoulder. “You know, if the company ever kills you off, I’ll quit. I don’t know how I’d do it around here without you.”
“All bark, still no bite,” you quietly told him. “You wouldn’t leave the company. Not on your own free will.”
Like a caged dog: it was only able to escape if their owner opened the door for them.
“I’ll kill myself if they kill you. I mean it—I’ll eat a fucking silver bullet.”
“How romantic.”
“Mhm—we’re like fuckin’... Romeo and Juliet.”
He smiled, and so did you.
“C’mon. Let’s go watch the grown-ass men I bought kick around balls for a bit,” said Roman.
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Eduard greeted you at the soccer team’s practice field with a kiss on the cheek, Roman with a firm handshake. 
“It’s good to see you,” you told him with a genuine smile. 
“Good to see you guys, too,” he replied. His expression was well-guarded behind a pair of dark shades. “With everything I’ve heard going down at Waystar, I was surprised you even showed up.”
With a shrug, Roman said, “I have nothing better to do, I promise. I’m gonna cut right to the chase here—do you think there’s any chance you guys have the muscle to take us private? Is that something that’s interesting to you and your dad?”
With nearly no hesitation, Eduard bobbed his head in an affirmative.
Shocked, Karl asked, “Really? That’s…”
Eduard spared the older man half of a grin. “Yes, we’re interested. It’ll look good as part of our portfolio, and we like the news expertise you can share.” Just as Laird began spewing off details to tell Logan, Eduard cut him off by saying, “Actually, Roman, Y/N—can you guys do it? The two of you make quite a team. You and your… bum-boys here can come to Turkey tomorrow? Pitch to me and my Dad?”
You and Roman exchanged earnest glances, as if speaking to each other telepathically. You were sure you could push back your work at Waystar for a few days to settle the privatizing deal. 
“Absolutely. I think we can definitely do that,” said Rome, with a pleased hum. Then, he turned back to fix his gaze on Laird and Karl. “Ain’t that right, bum-boys?”
 “Why Turkey?” you asked, brows raising. “I mean, I can pitch to you anywhere, but why, you know, all the way across the ocean?”
“There’s an investing conference in Bursa. Everyone will be there—we can get into it. Unless you have any objections…?”
Hastily, you shook your head. “No, no. This is great. Thanks for the opportunity.”
“No problem,” said Eduard, watching the ball fly across the field, landing into the goal. “I like you guys. Really.”
The coach called for the team to huddle up, allowing for the owners to say a few words. A part of you wondered if Rome even remembered the name of the FC he had bought.
“Great session, guys. And listen, for Saturday, you have the ability, you have the mentality. Watch that press doesn’t leave you exposed on the turnover, and you fucking got this. Rome?” Eduard turned to your friend, who hadn’t really prepared anything to say.
Roman fixed you with a panicked look, but you nudged him forward with a purse of you lips.
Scratching the back of his head, he awkwardly started, “Uh, yeah, hey guys! Really proud to be associated with all of you. Uh, well, what the fuck can I tell you that you don’t already know? You, uh, you got all this guys, don’t worry about it. ‘Cause you guys are a team, and, uh, when a team… is a team… it can’t actually physically be beaten. It’s impossible. So, go hard, go fast—uh, go you… lovely bastards.” The team glanced at each other and began to awkwardly clap, before Rome looked to you and said, “Anything else you want to add?”
“Me?” you hissed under your breath. “Rome, I’m not an owner—”
“Just say something—!” he whispered back, yanking you forward by the arm.
Stiff, you waved at the litter of sweaty, jerseyed men in front of you. “Hi. Yeah, I’m sure you guys know I’m not one of the team’s owners, but I was there during the business negotiations as Roman’s, uh… co-partner. All I can do now is wish you all the best of luck for your next match—get some rest, eat some good food, keep your eyes on the prize. And if any of you want to get in touch with Waystar Royco for any sort of PR pitches to get your face out there… Coach will have me and Roman’s contact details.” With a smile, you stepped back, shoulder brushing against Roman’s.
“Fuck you,” he muttered bitterly. “Did you rehearse that in your head or something? How’d you manage to perfectly squeeze business into a fucking pep talk?”
You grinned and pinched his cheek lightly. “Go hard and go fast, you lovely bastard,” you mocked, voice rife with fondness, chortling when he swatted your hand away.
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Before you knew it, you and Roman (and the bum-boys) were in Turkey, pitching to Eduard and his team. You had tried practicing a little the night before, but Roman had tossed all the flashcards away out of part-frustration and part-cockiness, assuring you that things would be fine. 
Now, as he was speaking, he seemed pretty confident in his own words. The two of you made a good team, after all.
“Look at the cash flow,” said Roman. “We are undervalued. I think tech just had everybody shitting their pants about legacy media, but really, the wheel turns.”
You nodded with an emphatic smile. “It’s true. No matter how much content moves to streaming sites, people will always want to look for something physical. Something you can feel and experience outside of home—hence Waystar’s adventure parks, and films to experience in theaters.” You made great effort to skirt around the touchy subject of cruises at the moment. 
“Most tech is overvalued. We’re profitable. We’re real money,” Roman added, growing more assured of himself with your support. 
“Tech is always changing. Invest in one thing, and it’ll be outdated in a blink of an eye. Invest in things people will always need: news, broadcasting, life experiences… now that’s reliable.” Eduard flashed you a smile, as if he was already sold.
“This is a tremendous opportunity,” said Rome. “This is once in a lifetime. You get to buy into the US media landscape at the very top. The very top.”
Two of the men leaned forward to whisper indistinctly to one another. 
“It’s a lot of debt,” one of them said once he finally pulled away. “You sure you can pull it together?”
“Absolutely sure,” Roman said with a mild laugh, knowing things with money and debt were quite rocky at the moment, before pointing back at Laird. “Jaime here is the fucking master of leverage. He has structured some of the biggest LBOs in history.”
“Guilty as charged,” said the older man.
Before anyone could say anything else, the doors to the room opened, and a few men filed in, murmuring indistinctly to the security. Your brows pulled together upon seeing guns strapped to their forms.
Roman exchanged a worried look with you.
“Are they, uh… are they with you?” he asked Eduard, who got up off his seat to speak to them in hushed tones.
“Rome, they have guns,” you murmured as you placed a hand on his forearm, glancing back at Karl and Laird. “What’s going on?”
The atmosphere seemed to chill when Eduard turned back to the four of you.
“Hey, look, we’re good. We’re good. But, uh… we’re all gonna go with these gentlemen now, okay?” He raised his hands in an almost placating manner, as if trying to tame a nervous mare. 
 Roman pointed at the armed men. “We’re going with them?” He laughed nervously, wondering if this was one big, elaborate joke. “Uh, no… I don’t think we—uh, who are these guys, exactly?”
Genuine fear began to curdle in your stomach when you watched the security walk out. “Dave just walked out. Hey, Eduard? I just—I need you to be honest with me. Are we in danger right now?”
Eduard worked his jaw in thought. “We’re just going to go with them now. Okay? It’ll be fine.”
“No, uh, I just—Can I just ask what this is in regards to?” Roman stepped in, high-strung. “Is this about the meeting? Is this a business thing?” 
Did I fuck it up and put a loaded gun to my own head? he wanted to say, but bit his tongue before he could.
With a sharp tone, you asked, “Our security guy, Dave, he just walked out with them. Where’d he go? Is he coming back?”
“Dave’s not coming,” said Eduard with pursed lips.
“He’s not coming?” Roman parroted. “Uhm… I would actually really like for Dave to come?”
“Dave is downstairs, we’ll go without him,” Eduard said in a calm tone. “Dave is a security risk. It’s better with these guys, okay?”
“Well, I know Dave, and I sure as hell don’t know these guys so… I think I’d prefer Dave—” you began to say, but was quickly cut off when Eduard put a hand on your shoulder and began leading your tense form out the room, Roman hot on your heels.
“It’s all good. It’s all under control,” Eduard murmured, though you highly doubted it. “There could be a situation, but we’re being looked after.”
A frown crossed Roman’s expression. “Oh, great. We’re being looked after. Fucking great. Laird—can you call Dave?”
They pulled out their phones, but the vested men with guns took the devices away just as quickly as it was pulled out. One stood in front of you with an expectant expression, and you complied with no resistance, handing him your phone, though not without a scowl.
“Great. They took my phone, and now I can’t contact my security, and now we’re going to die,” Roman said. When you looked at him, you could see genuine, restless fear dance over his irises. You didn’t quite know what to say, so you simply squeezed his arm as the two of you walked along.
The armed men led all of you to a crowded hotel lobby, where there seemed to be more hostages, more armed folk in similar attire. 
“Fuck,” Roman mumbled under his breath. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. This isn’t business, is it?”
“Doesn’t look very business-y,” replied Karl.
When someone passed by and their gun brushed against your arm, you flinched back into Roman, your lips pulling back in a snarl. “Eduard. Fuck—Eduard, where the fuck are you taking us?”
“Just relax. This is normal,” he said, shiftily.
Roman scoffed. “Oh, yeah. This feels really fucking normal. Is this—are these guys terrorists? Where’s my fucking security guy? Where’s Dave?”
For a moment, Eduard seemed at a loss for words. You could feel dread pile up in your stomach. “It’s just… it’s an administrative action function,” he reluctantly said.
“Mm, yeah, great, and what exactly is that—?” Roman began to ask, before halting his own question when he trained his gaze on a struggle across the lobby. “Oh, wow, look at that. Guy not being allowed to leave the hotel at gunpoint. That’s—uh, yeah. So what’s… what’s this administrative action function?”
Pursing his lips, Eduard finally fessed up, “There’s just a gathering here now, of us and some other investors, and—”
“Men with guns?” Roman impatiently chirped.
“Yeah, yeah, that, and their guys are some kind of… anti-corruption kind of guys and this is like—it’s like their conference. Or, uh, a party of some sort. And we’re all invited.”
Your eye twitched. “That’s really lovely, but uh, what if I don’t want to go?”
A scream from somewhere over the crowd echoed through the lobby. Glass shattering followed soon after. Karl paled and he anxiously picked at a hangnail.
Eduard sighed. “It’s the kind of party where you have to go. It would be… rude.”
Roman stared at the ground, at nothing in particular. “Well, uh, I guess I wouldn’t mind being just a tiny bit rude.”
It was becoming more and more clear that no amount of protests or questions would get you out of this situation—not with every exit manned by armed personnel. The hostages in the hotel were soon herded into a large hall, empty save for bare white chairs for people to sit on. Eduard was led into a different room, and you briefly wondered if that’d be the last time you ever saw him.
You blew out a breath as you took a seat. Roman was quick to snare Laird into playing a multitude of games, like rock, paper, scissors, eye spy, and fuck, marry, kill. You didn’t pay much attention to them, instead trying to figure out what you’d do with yourself once you got out of this situation. One thing was for sure: your therapist was going to have a field day hearing this. 
“Where do you think they’re taking them?” you asked the men beside you when they began grabbing hostages and shoving them out the doors. 
“Doesn’t look like they’re gonna be taking a tour of the spa,” said Laird.
“My advice,” Karl huffed, looking awfully sweaty, “just don’t look at anything. If you don’t look, you’re not a witness.”
You buried your face in your hands. “Wonderful. Brilliant advice, Karl. At least you didn’t tell me to just take it if they decided to shove their dicks into my mouth.”
“Woah!” exclaimed Roman, eyes widening. “That’s not going to happen. Right? That can’t happen.”
You spared him a shrug, slumping back against the chair. Though, you were quick to sit up straight again when Eduard emerged from the doors, making a bee-line for you and Roman.
“Hey, guys. It’s all good. Things are good. So, uh, my president’s daughter’s husband has asked him to take closer control of some key assets. It’s anti-corruption, but it’s a bit of a power-grab. Some Turkish acquiescence, but it’s all in play.”
If you had to be honest, you understood very little of what he was saying. Whether it was because of your panic-hazed mind, or because he was merely being ambiguous, you couldn’t quite tell.
“Not to, uh, make this all about us…” began Roman, tentative, “but are they going to shoot us at any point?”
“No one is getting shot,” assured the bearded man. “Look, it’s complicated, but with the Zeynal here—there’s some interest about the deal.”
Deal? 
Both you and Roman glanced at each other. 
“Uh, fuck. Okay. The deal, sure,” said Rome.
“One thing they wanted clarity on was—how could they be sure the deal wouldn’t be blocked by your government?” Eduard asked.
You stuck your tongue against your cheek when Roman shook his head, “Well, it wouldn’t. My father has a lot of sway. I mean, he can’t lock up his opponents in a hotel, but, well, he kinda could.”
“And you’re the target of another bid? Won’t that be a problem?”
Sandy and Stewy. “Not a problem,” you quickly said. “They’re all bark, very little bite. If the price is right, we can easily reach a settlement before the shareholder meeting.”
With a nod, Eduard patted your knee, and he got up to leave—talk to his associates once more. 
“That went well,” said Laird, mildly surprised. 
“Yeah… a little too well,” Roman mused.
Hours later, Eduard returned, calling for the four of you to follow him.
It was a pitch. A messy pitch—one you clearly weren’t in the right mindspace for. One where the audience had clear smudges of coke lining their nostrils, dusting their tables. One that had a lot of money thrown into the empty promises, accompanied by high smiles and wandering eyes. It made you feel sick, and Roman clearly wasn’t a fan of it, either. Laird seemed to be satisfied with the mutual agreements, though. He heard money, and he immediately thought he was safe.
But the agreements didn’t feel quite real. None of it felt real. It was all bullshit, you wanted to yell at their face. Being held at gunpoint to play business in front of the coked out billionaires was not your preferred method of saving the company, especially when none of the settlements felt cemented. This wasn’t safe money to bet the entire company on—it might’ve not been money at all, in fact.
By the end of everything, the ambassador had arranged for a plane to finally get you out of the country. You fell asleep as soon as you sat down in your seat, the long hours going without sleep finally catching up to you. Roman curled up in the seat beside you, his head on your shoulder. He stayed awake the entire flight, listening to your steady breaths.
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The Mediterranean. The Roys were on a fancy yacht in the Mediterranean.
It would’ve sounded like a pleasant getaway, if you weren’t dead-tired, having just returned from being held hostage at gunpoint. You just wanted to go home. Logan, however, wanted you and Rome by his side—and who were you to say no to the top dog?
As the speedboat skidded to a stop by the yacht, cheers erupted from siblings, along with Gerri and Frank, Greg and Tom. Roman slid his sunglasses on as he clambered onto the larger boat’s deck. 
“Here they are! The heroes of Asia!” exclaimed Shiv, a flute of champagne in hand. She was the first to greet you, taking your hand and helping you out of the speedboat. After a kiss to your cheek, you spared her an exhausted smile.
“The lions of Turkey! Welcome back, guys!” chimed Greg. He leaned down to embrace his cousin, but Roman was quick to push his face away. Greg didn’t dare try to hug you after that, merely waving from afar.
Frank clapped a hand on your shoulder. “Back like Odysseus. Did you guys ride out on sheep?”
Snorting, Shiv added, “Yeah, I heard you took down an entire army alone, bro.”
“That would’ve been really traumatizing if you weren’t already so fucked up,” Gerri told Roman, who simply frowned.
“Yeah, who’d you suck off to get out?” Kendall inserted.
Tom smiled widely from behind Shiv. “You were staying at Four Seasons, right? How did you guys escape? Did you—did you build a glider out of a caesar salad?”
Roman squinted at nothing in particular from behind the dark lens of his sunglasses. “Uh, you know what? It was actually fucking scary and we thought they might kill us, but yeah…” The tips of his fingers wiggled in a poor rendition of jazz hands. “Hardee-har-har, caesar salads, har-har. So funny.”
An awkward silence ensued between the small group. You scritched at your neck with a wince, wanting nothing more than a shower and a nap.
“Sorry, dude. Seriously,” said Kendall.
Roman snorted. “Yeah, no. They just raped me a little, but I’m no hero. They stuck their cocks down Y/N’s throat, too. Tell them.”
He nudged you and you shook your head tiredly. “They didn’t do that.”
“See? It got so bad that she trauma-blocked the memories. Shame on all of you,” he said, propping his fists on his hips. 
Feeling mildly guilty, Shiv had the gall to rub her hand on her brother’s shoulder. “Sorry, Rome.”
“It’s fine. I’m just tired, or whatever. It was funny, actually. Karl almost shat in a bucket and I have it on my phone, so we can fully humiliate him in our daily jerkfest later,” said Rome, tugging you to sit down with him on a large white seat.
“So how’d it all go, business-wise?” Connor asked, eyeing the both of you curiously. “Or was that forgotten?”
Before either of you could say anything, Laird stepped in, shaking his head with a wide smile. “Oh, we can’t say anything about that. Confidential stuff. But they—they did good.”
“Oh! Okay. Promising!” Connor exclaimed, shooting the both of you a grin. “Congrats, you guys.”
Unease crackled between the two of you. When you locked gazes with Roman, he merely lifted one of his shoulders in a shrug, lips pursed. The deal probably wouldn’t go through. It was all empty promises, powdered with a layer of cocaine. 
The two of you failed. And maybe that was okay.
Your hand found his, and his head knocked against yours. He drank the beer Shiv handed him, and you drank in the salty air of the sea.
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After you’d finally managed to pry yourself away from Roman (or, more accurately, Roman away from you), you had yourself a nice, hot shower, and a long-overdue nap. When you drowsily blinked back into consciousness, it was early afternoon, the sun still high up in the cloudless sky. A part of you wondered how you hadn’t just slept through the entire day.
You cleaned yourself up and changed into loose loungewear, heading down a story of the yacht, where you caught sight of the Roy siblings hanging by the pool (minus Connor, who was discussing matters of the play).
Roman waved at you limply. “Hey, sleeping beauty. You were knocked out for a while. I poked you in all your ticklish spots and you didn’t even stir.”
With a sigh, you curled yourself up into the cushioned spot beside him, Shiv on your other side. On her right was Tom, who had his gaze trained on Greg on the other side of the pool—the Roy’s cousin was… getting his toes looked at by the medic? You weren’t sure, and you didn’t quite want to know.
“You know, if you snuck into my room while I’m asleep and prodded me like a corpse, at least don’t fess up to it. You weirdo,” you said once you finally tore your gaze away from Greg, wrinkling your nose at Rome fondly.
“Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it,” Roman whistled, to which Shiv let out a loud groan of complaint. 
Sloshing water from the pool drew your attention to Kendall. “You good, Y/N? Sorry about—if I was, like, insensitive earlier—”
“It’s fine,” you quickly replied. “They were never going to shoot us, anyway. It was all just… theatrics.”
Theatrics. Puppets and strings.
Kendall smiled loosely. 
“So, uh, how was DC?” you asked the older man as he leaned against the rim of the pool. “They had it on the TV for a bit when we were waiting to give our pitch.”
He nodded, water dripping from his hair. “Yeah, it was—it was pretty fucking real.”
“You did good,” Roman chirped, adjusting the sunglasses on his nose. 
Scoffing, Kendall shrugged his shoulders. “Okay. And what? I did good for—for a crackhead? For a moron on crack?” His voice was lilting with incredulity.
“Nope. You did good, Ken,” he said.
Shiv nodded. “Yeah. You killed it.”
Kendall wasn’t used to genuine praise from his siblings. It was usually edged with an insult, laced with sarcasm or ire. 
“It was Tom that, uh… that didn’t really persuade everyone quite as well,” you said, sending an apologetic grimace to Shiv’s fiance.
“You’re being too nice. He shat his pants and puked all over the floor,” Roman huffed with an amused smile. 
Tom pulled a cross face. “I didn’t—!” He drew in a sharp breath. “You know, a lot of people are saying I was deadcatting. Yeah. So like—dead cat on the table. Everyone’s looking at this dead cat, and not… not talking about your dad.”
Shiv pursed her lips. “Right. Sure, yeah, you drew the fire. Yeah.”
Both you and Roman exchanged humored looks. 
“So, what’s going on with Rhea? She’s out, right?” Roman asked a beat later.
“Mhm. Melted. But she’s agreed not to say anything publicly until after the shareholder meeting,” said Shiv.
You briefly wondered why she backed away, but chalked it up to immense financial risk and potential ethical demise of her career. Good for her. 
“Instead of Rhea, whose big hairy foot is going to slip into the glass slipper?” Roman queried. “Washington Ken here?”
His older brother clambered out of the pool, grabbing a towel to dry himself off. “Me? Uh, no. Nope. I mean—Rome, you brought the golden goose home.”
The two of you frowned at the same time. Roman let out a loud sigh.
“Could be anyone,” you said. “We’re right back to square one.”
“Yeah. Could be. I mean, why is Greg here?” Kendall shot a look over his shoulder to glance at his cousin, peering between his own toes.
Roman snorted. “I always ask that question.” Then, he patted your thigh and leaned against you, enjoying the warmth of your skin against his. “I did think—you know, when I thought they were going to vacuum out my innards and fill me with concrete or something—like… if we come through this, is there a thing where we, like, talk to each other about stuff? Normally?”
In a strange alien-baby voice, Shiv mocked, “You wanna twalk to each other nwormally?”
Kendall snickered and tacked on, “You wanna twalk abwout the big shit?”
“Yeah, let’s twalk abwout the big shit!”
“We can talk about—our feewings!”
The siblings joking around for a rare moment reminded you of when you were all younger, with missing teeth and scraped knees. When Shiv’s hair would still be done up in a ponytail and yours would be twisted into pigtails. Simpler times—when things weren’t all that simple but you, in your blissful ignorance, had thought they were. 
Though you really didn’t want to laugh, you tried your best to smother down a chuckle, making Roman send you a betrayed glare. 
“Wow. Really? You, too?” He lightly shoved you away, and you and Shiv burst into a fit of giggles when you knocked into her. “How am I the most mature one here?”
“Sowwy, Wome,” you crooned in the same alien-baby voice. He kicked at your foot, then hooked his leg over yours.
The laughter dulled away when the whirring of helicopter blades descended over the yacht.
Logan was here.
“Emotional gunship incoming,” said Kendall.
“Yeah. Send out the distress signal,” Shiv added, the smile on her lips fading away as she looked up to see her father fly down. “We’re under attack.”
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Logan was smiling. It wasn’t often that he smiled. 
He greeted you with a chaste kiss to the cheek, and Roman with a pat to the shoulder. It was warm in the light—brief, but warm nonetheless.
When he hoarded the two of you, along with bum-boys Laird and Karl into a separate room, he immediately asked, “Are you two alright? I heard it got a bit tasty.”
Tasty wasn’t exactly the right word for it, you thought. 
“Mmh, we’re fine. I’ve had worse experiences at hotels before,” Roman languidly commented, shrugging it off. 
Logan tilted his head. “Did they look after you? I spoke to the White House.”
“Someone came and told us there was a warship,” you said, pursing your lips. “Felt a bit extreme.”
“Knowing us gun-handy Americans, I bet it was already there,” Roman snorted, pouring himself a drink. “The ambassador took us for a shitty lunch—you know, sorry that you were held at gunpoint, have a cheese sandwich.”
Logan gestured for all of you to take a seat. “So… on the money. What’s the situation?”
“The kids did great,” said Laird, which made Roman audibly gag. “I think, Mr. Roy, you’ll be able to go private. Eduard and his father have titular responsibility for the sovereign wealth but the president’s daughter’s husband, Zeynal, is the key guy now. The two of ‘em killed it with him.”
Shrugging, Roman said, “Well, it was clear Eduard was getting sidelined. Zeynal figured out who we were, and I thought we were gonna be taken to get a fucking chainsaw massage but… nope. We had an hour, we pitched hard, and they said they wanted in.”
“Too modest,” Laird emphasized, brows raising. “This is the perfect opportunity.”
It wasn’t. It never was.
Karl went on to talk about the numbers, and Logan seemed quite pleased. 
“That’s great. That’s fucking fantastic!” announced Roman’s father.
Rome bit down on the inside of his cheek. He winced, and scratched at his head.
“I just… I do have to say one thing, dad…”
Panic flashed across Laird’s eyes. “Roman, we’re good.”
Ignoring him, Roman said, “I mean, we had a good talk with Zeynal and he said, with his mouth, that he wanted in and that’s great and all… but if this is really serious for us, I think I actually do have to say that it feels like it’s… probably horseshit.”
A beat of silence.
Laird’s eyes twitched.
Clearing your throat, you said, “Yeah, I just wanna make it clear that they said they wanted in, but didn’t sign anything yet. I mean, it’s not like we had any documents on hand but… words mean nothing. Uncle Logan, I don’t know if it’s… really smart to bank the entire future of the company on words of drug-addled men taking a piss out of you.”
Logan’s brows raised.
“It was flaky,” Roman added. “There was a lot of shit going on.”
The head man glanced at Karl, who remained deathly quiet, and then back to you. 
“Roman, they want to rebalance their portfolio for, uh, for a variety of geopolitical reasons,” began Laird. “It’s very European-focused, and he wants to tilt Western Hemisphere. It’s all very logical! I know that it’s a lot of money, and that can be very scary, but it makes sense.”
“All due respect, Laird, but I really don’t think they give a shit about adding us to their portfolio,” you said, voice hesitant. “They know we’re in debt. They know we’re in hot water with a large sector of the company. Why would they want in at all, much less hand over a ten billion dollar investment like it’s nothing?”
Roman sucked in a sharp breath. “Sorry that we’re worrying our pretty little heads, Laird, but if they’re rebalancing their portfolio, it’d be fucking insane to do it over one ten-bil mega deal like it’s nothing.”
“Yeah, it’d be more sensible that they invest into several different markets around the globe,” you agreed. “None of this feels right.”
“It doesn’t matter what it feels like,” stressed Laird. “They said yes!”
With a frown, Roman retorted back, “Maybe, sure, they said yes! And there’s a ten or twenty percent chance that you’d make, like, a hundred million bucks with this deal. That’s so exciting! But if we miss, we could be fucked.”
Logan’s expression was hard to read. Anger? Disbelief? Disappointment? Acceptance? You couldn’t quite tell.
Swallowing hard, you said, “If we go through with this and none of it turns out to be real, we’d go straight over the edge. No votes, no political gain, no money.”
Finally, Logan murmured, “If it falls halfway through, it’d be terminal.”
A vein popped out on Laird’s head. “But if it works… just one step forward, and you’d be free.”
You couldn’t help but scoff. “Free from what? Just because we go private doesn’t mean we can do fuck all.”
Before Laird could argue back, Logan fixed his stare onto Roman. “Son?” he asked.
“Dad, I have to say, I’ve done a little bullshitting in my time—and Zenyal was a cokey, lying, 3 AM scotch and see-you-in-the-morning man. He won’t follow through.”
With a frustrated groan, Laird angrily got up from his seat.
Roman shook his head. “Dad, I wish it was real. I really fucking do. But it’s not—and we have to step away.”
When Logan turned his stare onto you, you nodded in agreement with Roman. 
“Karl?” your godfather asked.
The man buckled under the scrutiny. “You can’t lean on this,” he said. “Not now.”
His mind finally made, Logan got up onto his feet. “I’m sorry, Jaime. Keep exploring, keep talking. I cannot pile my chips on something that isn’t solid.”
“Excellent,” sighed Jaime. He looked at you, then at Roman. “You wanna talk solid? Maybe take a look at your kid there. Does he sound solid to you? And—thanks for the support, Karl. I hope you enjoy the king’s favors, because you know what you’re looking at if you don’t go private. Someone has to pay the price. Someone is going to go to jail, and I won’t be around to see it.”
With that, he dramatically took his leave. Roman tilted his head back and rolled his eyes.
“I wanna do the best thing. The most decent thing,” said Logan. His hand was on your shoulder for a moment, before he pulled away. “Tomorrow we’ll get into a discussion about our missteps and how we can indicate how sorry we are to the rest of the world. Get some rest, the both of you.”
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As you clambered into bed, Roman unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it somewhere behind him. He’d followed you into the cabin, claiming that there were no available cabins left—and you knew he was lying, because you’d passed by several empty rooms on the way to yours, but you didn’t bother to protest.
“If you wanted to cuddle, you could’ve just asked.”
“Ugh, shut up.”
“You know, I overheard Tom and Shiv speaking to each other,” you said as you fluffed up a pillow to lay on. 
“Ooh. Is Tom the one getting shitcanned? No surprise there,” Roman replied, crawling next to you and laid down on his stomach, head resting on his crossed arms. 
“No. I mean, I don’t actually know who it’ll be, but—” You paused to smile, near-childish laughter falling from your lips. “I heard Tom saying he was excited for a threesome.”
“Ew! What? Ew! Tell me more,” Roman exclaimed, swatting at your arms and you shoved him back, laughing at his tone. “Oh, that’s so gross. Never pegged Tom as the type.”
“I don’t think it was Tom’s idea.”
“Ew!”
The two of you giggled about it some more, before you lolled your head over to face him. 
“Do you think it could be me?” you quietly asked. “Would Logan throw me to the sharks?”
Roman hummed. “Sometimes it feels like he likes you better than any of his own fucking kids. You’re not getting canned. It won’t make sense.”
“Hm.”
He threw an arm over your stomach. “But… it won’t be me, right?”
“I don’t know, Rome,” you told him honestly. “After today… I just don’t know. But I’ve got your back.”
The two of you basked in the comfort of each other’s quiet for a brief moment. You scooched closer to him and shut your eyes.
“You’re a really good friend, Rome.”
Something akin to an amused snort fell from his lips. “Pfft. Friend. I don’t think friends jerk off to the sound of each other’s voices. You’ve had your hand on my dick. Is that what friends do these days?”
“Friends with benefits, then.”
He brushed his lips along your shoulder, light as a feather, barely there. There was a strange ache in his chest. An ache that you also felt. The two of you ached together, unknowingly. 
“Hm. I like the sound of that. It’s like you’re my personal whore.”
“It’s a two-way street.”
“Yeah. You fuck me, I fuck you. You kill me, I kill you. Like they do in Germany.”
There it was again. What was with Roman and Germany?
“Sure. Like they do in Germany.”
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It was hard to stomach breakfast with your restless nerves shooting adrenaline through your veins. You anxiously plowed through two apples and started on your third just when Logan stepped onto the lower level. Everybody’s attention piqued, their heads turning, postures stiffening up against the chairs around the dining table. 
When Gerri tentatively asked him who he had in mind as the sacrificial lamb, Logan waved her away.
“Enough. We stick together, alright? Most things don’t exist. The Ford motor company hardly exists—it’s just a time-saving expression for a collection of financial interests. But this exists, because…”
Roman leaned in close to mockingly whisper, “Family.”
“Family,” Logan finished. “We are a family. And so that’s why I think… I think the obvious choice is me.”
A ripple of shock coursed through the small group. Your eyes narrowed, unsure of what game Logan was playing at now.
“No,” Shiv vehemently said. “What? Dad, you—you can’t.”
Logan tilted his head. It wasn’t often he was told that he couldn’t. “Well, I may not be responsible, but the buck has to stop somewhere.”
The rest of the group erupted in protests. Tom, Kendall, Frank. They were all bleating sheep. Roman rolled his eyes.
“It doesn’t work,” Kendall elaborated. “When people find out Rhea isn’t coming in, we’d need stability. From you.”
Logan raised a single finger. “I need one meaningful skull to wave.” Wave didn’t seem quite the appropriate term. Chop off, maybe. Sever was a good one. “If the shareholders’ meeting was tomorrow, we lose. I need to persuade a number of big figures. So… would anyone like to say anything?”
Crackling silence. Across the table, Greg popped a fat green grape into his mouth.
“I’ll take care of whoever it is,” said Logan. “No one will be forgotten.”
Clearing his throat, Kendall ventured out, “Well, I mean, if we’re doing this, I don’t wanna spread shit around. We’re all loyal servants here. But, uh, I say this without malice aforethought, presumably, uhm, general counsel is the center of the web. Sorry, Gerri. I like you, I do.”
Logan reached out to put his hand over the blonde woman’s. “There is no one more loyal than Gerri,” he said, effectively dismissing the idea.
But you saw right through him. It wasn’t about Gerri’s loyalty. She wasn’t a big enough cut. 
“What about Frank?” Roman offered. Everyone was well aware of his disdain for the older man. “How come Frank is even here today?”
Full of ire, Logan’s old friend nodded his head. “Thanks, Roman. I see it. I could take it. I mean, I make sense.”
“Yeah. And after what he did to you? The whole boardroom coup?” Roman lifted a shoulder, convinced that Frank was the most obvious choice.
“Water under the bridge.” Logan brushed away once more. Still not big enough.
After a long while of stammering, Frank finally coughed out, “I would say objectively, considering my, uh, my indiscretion against the family makes me a less compelling sacrifice. Unlike—uhm, for instance, a loyal servant like Karl.”
Instead of defending himself, Karl decided to turn the blade right back around to Gerri. “My thing is, I guess, if Rhea is no more, then sadly, we’re back to having Gerri as named successor. So that fattens her up for the kill, in my opinion.”
“Everyone knows I was just a name on a piece of paper,” defended the woman, laughing incredulously.
“Oh, don’t put yourself down. I think you were always more than that,” scoffed Karl. “And, you know, the old copy book is a bit blotty. Expense accounts… daughter’s first class on the company coin…”
“Karl sounds good!” Tom chimed in. “Sausage thief,” he bitterly muttered, in reference to the entire Boar on the Floor debacle in Hungary.
“Gerri is theoretically kind of perfect,” said Connor.
“No,” Roman was quick to protest. “Nope. That’s bullshit. I disagree.”
Propping his joined hands on the table, Logan asked, “Why?”
“Why? Because that’s my opinion,” Roman said in a defensive manner.
“Yeah… but your reasoning?”
With a hasty glance to you, Roman hastily spun out, “Seriously, Gerri? To pay for cruises? We, what, we take out our senior woman? Haven’t we, you know—kidding, here, but—killed enough women already?”
“It’d look orchestrated. Gerri is just too obvious,” you said, wrinkling your nose. “Sexual misconduct cases three decades ago, and we’d be placing the blame on general counsel and simply wiping our hands clean? Not to mention it’d just make Waystar look more… anti-women if we went down that route.”
Roman nodded. “Listen, I think the obvious choice here is, and I hate to say it because he’s such a swell guy, but—” he made a whistling noise and pointed to the man sitting across from him, “Tom.”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, you're the head of cruises, man.”
Kendall pursed his lips. “I gotta agree with Rome here. Tom, I fucking love you dude, but you shat the bed over Mo Lester.”
“But I was sent in there as the fucking beating man—I took the fucking beating!” 
Shiv shook the back of her head, making no effort to defend her husband.
“You got suckered in by Eavis,” said Kendall.
“I answered the questions!”
“You don’t answer the questions. Okay? That’s, like, rule one.” Kendall patted his brother-in-law’s shoulder. “I’m not beating up on you here, I’m just saying that he got a win off you and you’re kinda the face of this now.”
Lifting her head up high, Shiv said, “Tom looks logical. Cruises, document destruction. It’d be laid out for us.”
Tom’s gaze swiveled to his wife, expression utterly torn. “What?” he croaked out.
“I’m not saying you should be,” the red-head defended. “But I’m just saying you’re like family, but you’re not… actually family, which is also good. Tom, it’s the elephant in the room. We can say that!”
“No, we can’t! There’s absolutely no need to speak of the elephant in the room! There’s fifteen other fucking elephants in this room!” With an angry scoff, Tom threw both his hands up. “If you want someone who’s family but not family, what about Y/N?”
Immediately, Roman let out a high-pitched, “No! Why would it—why the fuck should it be her?”
Tom’s face contorted under the scrutiny. “I don’t know. General manager of Waystar, and goddaughter to Logan sounds like a good fucking steak to throw to the lions.” At your confused expression, Tom quickly backed down. “I’m not actually saying Y/N. I’m just saying things! It just—it shouldn’t be me. What about you, huh, Shiv?”
“Okay, fine. How do I work?” she hissed out. 
“I don’t know!” Tom exclaimed, his voice raising a few notches in volume.
Gerri pursed her lips to the side and mentioned, “I mean, if we’re saying Shiv, we could highlight witness tampering and, uh, that she was going to take over but—I don’t know, it probably wouldn’t work.”
Shiv reared back as if she’d been stung. “Uh, yeah. Too fucking right it wouldn’t work. I don’t make sense, I’ve never been inside.”
“What about both of them? Shiv and Tom? Beauty and the beast,” Roman said.
“Does Tom work?” Logan asked. “Alone?”
A long beat of silence. 
In all honesty, you thought he’d work. The missing documents were more than enough to go off of. 
But Kendall shook his head, and it flew right out the window. “Honestly, I don’t think he’s a big enough skull. No offense.”
“Then how about Tom with some fucking… Greg sprinkles?” Roman asked, gesturing to his cousin, who’d managed to polish off all the grapes on the tray. One of the workers floated by to take the tray away, no doubt to fill it back up again.
“Greg sprinkles?” parroted Greg.
Wincing, you apologetically added, “I mean, you did destroy those documents for Tom, no? It’s—it's an aided crime. It works.”
Connor laughed. “Elmo and Big Bird. I could start to see that, yeah. You could throw in a Karl or a Frank, and you’re golden.”
“What—what precisely are Greg sprinkles?” asked the Roy cousin.
“Greg sprinkles are basically a fantastic garnish for practically anyone seated at this table,” Roman replied with a faux warm smile. “Like a Tom sundae with a little Greg cherry on top.” He popped his lips and Greg frowned.
“No, I object. I do. I mean—I’m more than a sprinkle! What about you, huh? What about Roman?”
“Roman?” you asked, cocking a brow. “How would he be a good candidate?”
“Well, he’s widely known as a terrible person!”
Roman snorted. “Thanks, Toe Jam.”
“There’s another elephant in the room,” Connor interrupted. “What about I just throw myself over the side, huh?”
Shiv laughed quietly, hiding her smile behind her palm.
“Yeah, just—in return for a payout. I’m cash strapped, so just lock me into that sweet, sweet golden parachute and toss me in the volcano!” said the oldest Roy sibling. On he blathered, about how he should be the one to take the fall.
Logan glanced around. “That’s… that’s kind of you, Con. Thank you. We’ll bear it in mind.” He smiled, but it wasn’t quite authentic. It wasn’t real. Connor slumped back, going largely ignored once again.
With that, Logan stood up. “We have half an idea but… yeah. Let’s do this later.”
Off he went, through the glass doors, gone to God knows where.
You and Roman exchanged a look. His was one of relief and gratitude, yours was one of exasperation. Then, Roman leaned forward to snatch the tray of grapes away from Greg, and offered a branch of the plump green fruits to you. 
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Dinner left a stale taste in your mouth. Maybe it was because you weren’t particularly fond of the served courses. Maybe it was because of the rocking motions of the boat upsetting your stomach. Or maybe—maybe it was because Logan had finally chosen his sacrificial lamb.
Kendall stood beside his father with pursed lips. Logan nodded to the sitting group. “I’ve decided,” he simply said.
Incredulity danced across Roman’s expression, brows raised. “Ken?” he asked. “Come on, really? Dad, you—no. There’s… what about the… one of the other shitfuckers?”
Your eyes darted from your godfather, to Kendall, who took a seat across from you. He met your eyes, if only for a brief moment. A part of you felt bad for him—after all, to you he was always going to be the eight-year-old boy draped in a suit far too large for him, practicing a speech in front of the mirror for a nameless award he was going to accept one day. He’d make you and Roman sit down and listen to him, four and five years of age, expectantly turning to the two of you after he was done and asking if it sounded okay. Desperate for approval, even if the assurance came from two young kids with missing teeth and bored eyes.
He was practically your brother. You averted your gaze with mild shame burning within your chest.
“Hey, it’s okay,” said Kendall. He looked around the table. “You’re all off the hook.”
Roman leaned forward and asked, uncharacteristically genuine, “You okay?”
Wordless, Kendall nodded. He was trying his best to stave away the frown tugging at the corners of his lips. There were tears warbling over his irises. 
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m good.” 
But he wasn’t. Roman knew, and you knew, too.
Karl cleared his throat. “Is it just… I don’t wanna be rude here—is it just him?”
Gerri tilted her head. “First—uh, second-born son—with his responsibilities, it wouldn’t be a hard sell.”
“Roman,” said Logan. “You’re taking over as full chief operating officer.”
An indignant noise fell from his throat. “Yeah? What with Captain Cautious back in the other room?” 
“No, no. Frank’s going to be responsible for the cruises clean up. You’re on your own. Solo.” Logan stared at his youngest son. “Can you handle it?”
Beneath the table, Roman’s jostling knee bumped into yours. “Yeah,” he unenthusiastically said. “That’s really exciting.”
Kendall spared his little brother a lopsided smile. “No, Rome. It’s great. For real.” Then, he raised a fork. “Eat up, guys. This one’s on me.”
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Day three on the boat. You woke up to Roman’s arms wrapped around your midriff, his face buried in the fabric over your chest. He sleepily mumbled and whined when you dragged yourself (and, effectively, him as well, seeing as he refused to let go of you) out of bed. The two of you brushed your teeth together before you promptly kicked him out of your room so you could take a quick shower in peace.
By the time the both of you got down to have breakfast, Greg was the one to tell you that Kendall had left earlier in the morning. 
“Right to his slaughter,” you mumbled to Rome, who’s face twisted with guilt.
An hour later, you were watching Kendall on the television. Shiv and Logan were on the couches, and Roman had both his hands resting on your shoulders, kneading your muscles as if you were a stress ball.
“I have been asked to explain my role in the management of illegality at the firm and associated cover ups. And it has been suggested that I would be a suitable figure to absorb the anger and concern,” said screen Kendall. To your surprise, his words were followed by, “But…”
You and Roman exchanged glances. He stopped working at your shoulders and crossed his arms. 
“The truth is that my father is a malignant presence. He is a liar, a bully, and was fully aware of the events that had transpired on the cruise ships for many years, and made efforts to hide and cover up. He had a twisted sense of loyalty to bad actors like Lester McClintock, and a disregard for the safety of migrant workers, union and non-union workers, along with vulnerable performers and guests.”
“Fuck me,” Roman whispered. Logan silently lifted a finger to his lips to shush him.
The Kendall on screen was vastly different to the puppet Kendall you’d come to know for the past few months. He’d finally broken free of his strings.
“My father keeps a watchful eye over his entire empire, and the notion that he would have allowed millions of dollars of settlements and compensation to be paid without his explicit approval is utterly fanciful. I have with me today copies of records that show his personal sign-off. How much those of us who executed his wishes bear responsibility is for another day.” 
Shiv briefly twisted around to shoot you an utterly dumbfounded look, as if to ask you if you’d known he was going to do this. You sent her an equally befuddled expression.
“But I think…” said Kendall, “This is the day his reign ends.”
With that, Kendall got up and walked off to the side, out of the camera’s view. You couldn’t see it, for Logan was facing the screen, but there was a slight smile on your godfather’s face.
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mncxbe · 1 year
Note
Can I request Dazai, Ranpo and Chuuya with a s/o that’s never been in a fully healthy and loving relationship so they sometimes get confused or shocked by the bare minimum? Like if they say they care about their consent for anything they’re like “Wait you what?- you do? Fr?” Or if they say smth they can do they go “Wait I’m allowed to do that?”
Totally not self projecting
sure dear omg this is lowkey so sweet. hope you like it♡♡
// also tysm for 400 followers hihi♡♡ love you all
°☆●
Kintsugi
𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊, 𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒑𝒐, 𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒖𝒚𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓
𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: fluff♡/ light angst maybe?
𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊
he probably figures it out during the first weeks of the relationship
asks lots of rethorical questions and lowkey pushes you into telling him all about it (he just needs to know) but he doesn't actually force you to tell
"Bella, you know I'd never do or say such things to you. Your exes just weren't real men, aight? Didn't know how to handle a beauty like you" (he thinks he's a smooth talker fr)
super kind to you overall; he'll pay attention not to be toxic to you
"Wanna play a game, bella?" Dazai cooed, curling on the couch next to you.
You carefully set down the cup of honeyed tea you were drinking and scooted closer to him, a wide smile stretching your lips.
"Sure. What do you have in mind."
"How about a game to get to know each other better? We ask questions and the other one answers. I'll even let you go first my sweet." he said with a wink.
"Um... ok?" you said reluctantly "Cats or dogs?"
"Cats. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?" he asked playfully.
"Hm... probably figs. Figs would be nice"
This little game of yours went on for around twenty minutes until your boyfriend finally decided to ask you a more serious question.
"What's the worst relationship you've ever had?"
Although he asked that question in a lighthearted tone, there was a hint of urgency to it. Seeing the blank expression on your face, Dazai added:
"It's been weighing on my mind for a while now."
"Well... I gotta say all my exes were kinda shitty. I've never actually been in a healthy relationship and the worst part is that I didn't even know they were unhealthy at that time." A light chuckle rolled off your lips as you reached for your cup and took a small sip. "You see, I didn't wanna tell you about this. I assumes it would be a burden"
Dazai's eyes softened upon hearing your statement. "Bella" he began, taking your hand in his "Nothing that you do or say will ever be a burden to me."
"Alright then" you replied with a sheepish smile "Then I guess I could tell you"
And then you did. You told him everything you've been through: your first ex who never let you go out of the house without him because he thought you'd cheat on him, your second who always made you cook dinner for him because "that's what a real woman would do" and the last one, who constantly brought his friends over although he knew how shitty they were with you. As he listened to you tell your story, his thumb gently brushed over the soft skin on back of your hand. It did hurt to hear what you've been through, but what pained him most was the fact that you didn't think he'd understand and accept your trauma.
When you were finally done talking, a deep silence fell between the two of you.
"You know I'd never treat you like that?" he eventually said.
You gave a small nod "I know. I just... I guess I'm not used to healthy relationships."
Dazai's arm snaked over your shoulders as he pulled you in a gentle hug; your head coming to rest on his chest. He simply placed a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.
"In that case I'm honoured to be the one to teach you what love should be like"
𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒑𝒐
he probably knows from the start
it was the little things: the ways you'd always ask him if you're allowed to do certain things, the fact that you were always so aware of all his moods and actions
so yea, he figured it out
doesn't force you to talk about your exes tho, he'll wait for you to open up or ask you casually
so supportive fr; reassures you that he'll never do something like that
"Y/N you deserve the best really. And lucky for you I'm the best"
protect him at all costs fr♡
Your boyfriend's ultra deduction was something that never ceased to amaze you; but still you didn't expect him to catch on so fast on the fact that you have never been treated right in a relationship before.
When he finally called you out on it all you could do was look him dead in the eyes; your fingers fumbling with a loose string on the cuffs of your hoodie.
"So?" he asked again, pouting.
"Yea, you're right. I've never had a healthy relationship"
"I knew it!" he exclaimed but immediately regained his composure when he realised this wasn't something he should be happy about.
"Look, sugar. I won't force you to tell me anything about it but just know that I'm not like them."
"I know Ranpo my sweet but-"
"Nuh uh" he interrupted, pressing his index fingers against your lips to shush you "Let me finish. First off, you're allowed to go out with your friends whenever you want to. Just text me from time to time so I know you're safe. Second off, please tell me if I'm ever crossing your boundaries. And third stop apologising for every single thing you do, ok? It's not a good habit"
"I know I'm sorry but-"
Ranpo raised a brow and smiled lightly "What did I just say love?"
You took a deep breath in and returned the smile "No apologies, noted." After a minute of silence you eventually spoke again, this time with more confidence "Thank you dear. For being so patient and understanding with me. Maybe one day I'll tell you about my exes, I want you to know. But I don't wanna let the past affect us."
"And it doesn't, my sweet. Did you forget?" he giggled, flashing you his signature smirk. "I'm the best boyfriend ever. Nothing could ever determine me to see you as less than perfect."
You suddenly leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips; the saccharine gesture taking him by surprise.
"I'm so happy I'm with you Ranpo. You make me happy." you beamed and the detective felt his heart melting. His entire body felt like pudding, a soft, mushy mess. This was the effect you always had on him.
Your boyfriend hugged your waist and burried his head in your chest as your fingers combed through his dark locks.
"I'll do my best to be worthy of you" you said after a while.
And Ranpo only nodded, smiling against your chest. His slender fingers found yours and loosely intertwined with them "You already are, sugar."
𝑪𝒉ū𝒚𝒂
"What? What do you mean if I let you go out with your friends tonight?"
he's so confused fr; doesn't understand why you ask such questions
such a sweet boy fr
at first he doesn't realise why you're so moved by every small thing he does, but after you tell him about your past relationships... oof
you know he's gonna threaten to kill those guys🫡
he's even more gentle with you now and reassures you that you're worthy of a good man (he's talking about himself hehe) and that he'll treat you well♡
literally the definition of "You can wear whatever you want. I can fight."
JUST BECAUSE FLOWERS🌹
It was around 8:30 p.m when you heard the door open, announcing the arrival of your partner; you quickly discarded the fluffy blanket you were wrapped in and tip-toed to the hallway.
"Chuu. Let me tell you what happened today you won't believe it!" you said excitedly as you turned the corner and... you stopped dead in your tracks.
There he was; Chuuya Nakahara, your beloved boyfriend, holding a bouquet in his arms. Honeysuckles, milesii irises and golden daylilies perfectly wrapped in a coffee coloured craft paper with drawings of the Eiffel tower and French bistors. 'La vie est belle', it read.
"Hey honey. Sorry I'm so late tonight but I stopped to get this for you." he said casually as he handed you the flowers.
You took the bouquet from his hands and held it to your chest, breathing in the sweet, fresh scent of the blossoms. Chuuya must've noticed the disdained look on your face for he came closer to you, gently placing an arm on your shoulder.
"My love are you ok? Do you not like the flowers or..."
Suddenly you burst into tears, a wide smile rising to your lips. "No Chuu I love them. I love them so much thank you I just-" you stammered, choking on your tears. "I just never got flowers before."
Chuya's heart sank upon hearing your words, a wave of sadness washing over him. "My sweet love." he began, his calloused hands gingerly cupping your tear stained cheeks. "You deserve all the flowers in the world."
His words only made you cry harder. Both of you were smiling, gazing into each others' eyes; from time to time Chuuya wiped away a pearly tear that streamed down your face with his thumb. Between you the flowers were getting squished but neither of you could care less.
"You're a silly girl, you know? Crying over something like this." he said playfully, trying to lighten up the mood.
"Oh shut it" you replied in the same tone as you kissed him on the cheek.
Your boyfriend took the flowers from your arms and carefully placed them on the counter before pulling you in a tight hug; he breathed in your scent and God, you were even sweeter than the blossoms.
"You know I'll give you everything you want and more darling." he said in a hushed voice, causing you to sob quietly.
He let you cry for a while, whispering sweet nothings and caressing your hair until you finally calmed down.
"I'm sorry Chuu. That was embarassing" you chuckled lightly but your boyfriend didn't miss the hint of guilt in your voice.
"Not at all, silly." he said, pullng away. "I know we've talked about this before, the way your past relationships impact our own and I wanna remind you that it's ok if you react like this. To be honest you're cute when you get so worked up over my little gifts"
"Hey don't tease me" you cried out, wiping away the last tear from your reddened cheeks. "Or I'll cry again"
"Now we can't have that, can we?" he replied as he slid an arm around your waist. "Let's put those flowers in a vase and get you a glass of water. I think you need it love."
A smile rose to your lips as you looked at him, chest swelling with love and pride "Yea. I think I do, love."
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Text
Tear me to pieces
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Summary: Vanessa was annoyed. Her dad had sent her to check on you at the old Freddy's location on the outskirts of town. She expected the eerie atmosphere and dusty hallways, but she didn’t expect the way you made her feel. | Words: 6,031K
Warnings: Semi-graphic depictions of corpses. Death, murder, missing people, references of child death/murder. Parental abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, manipulation. Cursing. A slight sexual joke. Heavy angst, hurt/almost no comfort. William is an asshole on this one, you guys. Fem!Reader.
A/N: Whew, this took so long! But I'm kind of proud on how this turned out, so I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I went out of my way to make William as shitty as possible because I love making Vanessa suffer, and well, there's also sort of a plot twist? It's probably pretty obvious but I tried to keep it in the dark a little :). Title is from Lovely by Billie Eilish & Khalid/Inspired by the entire album of Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge, by My Chemical Romance.
Main Materlist | Vanessa Masterlist | AO3
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She had arrived at least fifteen minutes ago, but her headache from her father’s berating had not yet subsided. She really wasn’t in the mood to make any effort. In spite of William’s scolding, she wanted just to fulfill her father’s orders in the most half-assed-and-bare-minimum-effort way possible.
Vanessa sighed, staring at the restaurant’s sign. The letters of the neon sign glowed dimly over the parking lot.
She cursed under her breath and got out of the car. She opened the trunk and took out the bag where she kept his fake police uniform. Her father had been trying to convince her for months to enroll into the police force, but she had refused over and over again. Vanessa knew he just wanted her to cover for him, and she refused to be more involved in his crimes than she already was.
She put the uniform over her normal civil clothes, grabbed the fake police badge and the ID and stepped out of the car. 
Vanessa took a deep breath and finally walked to the entrance. 
Doing these checkups was never easy for her. She got to meet pretty mundane people who were practically doomed from the start. From middle aged parents that just needed the job to survive with their kids to college students and teenagers that were fresh out of high school and just wanted to make some money to buy a car or go out with their friends.
They never lasted. Never.
Unfair was an understatement.
At least her father didn’t have to do with the disappearance of the majority. Most of them she would find inside Freddy. It wasn’t pretty. It didn’t get any easier, but at least she knew her father wasn’t the real cause in the end. Or that’s how she tried to convince herself.
She rang the bell, waiting for the guard of this month (or perhaps of this week only) to come out.
She looked back at the parking lot. It was empty except for her car, parked on the darkest corner she could find. The door opened and she snapped her head back to the entrance.
And she saw you, looking confused.
“Is there anything I can help you with, officer?”
She stared at you for a moment. “Another college kid?” she thought wryly, “she’s not even going to last the full week”.
Vanessa forced a smile, suddenly becoming too aware of the way your gaze wouldn’t leave her face.
“Hi,” she said in a slightly strangled voice. You frowned.
She blushed slightly and cleared her throat. “Sorry. I’m Officer Shelly. Vanessa Shelly,” she laughed awkwardly.
Vanessa extended her hand out, hoping you would understand the gesture and shook it. You complied. It was gentle, but firm. 
It made her skin tingle.
Vanessa swallowed, trying to shake the feeling away. 
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious,” she began. “I just wanted to check on you. When there’s a new night guard in this place, word spreads fast.” 
You made a confused face, but you nodded. She smiled at you, “can I come in?”
“Um,” you hesitated, then sighed. “Yeah, sure,” you said while stepping aside. She gave you a polite smile and she went into the restaurant.
Once inside, she looked around. It looked the same every time, but that didn’t make it any less dreadful.
The place used to be crammed with kids and their families. There were always birthday celebrations, kindergarten graduation parties, some people just going for a quick bite after a long day. Hell, sometimes even some high school students would show up after homecoming.
She remembered it well. The smell of pizza, the laughter of children, the animatronics singing and dancing. 
And then, her father inside the suit. The police sirens, mothers crying, fathers yelling.
A chill runned down her spine, snapping her out of the memories. You eyed her curiously at the sudden reaction, but said nothing. 
Vanessa cleared her throat again, “how long have you been working here?”
You licked your lips, an action Vanessa got too caught on. “A couple of days only.”
She hummed, nodding. “Has anything weird happened?” You swallowed, “weird how?”
Vanessa shrugged. “Like someone trying to break in,” she said casually, glancing around. “Or,” she trailed off, “equipment malfunctioning, like the monitors, or the cameras, or…”
She turned to face you. “Maybe the animatronics getting a bit quirky.” She tried to be as nonchalant as possible while mentioning the animatronics.
You seemed to tense up slightly, opening your mouth to answer but then snapping it shut again.
“No,” you said finally, with a slightly higher pitch than usual. “Nope. Nothing like that has happened, ma’am.”
Vanessa grimaced at the formal way you addressed her. “Please,” she forced some humor into her voice, “don’t call me that.”
“Oh,” you breathed out, “I’m sorry Officer–”
She raised her hand, signaling for you to stop talking. “Just,” she sighed, “just call me Vanessa.”
You breathed out softly. “Sorry, Vanessa.”
The way you said her name had her avoiding your gaze nervously. “God, Vanessa, get a grip,” she thought.
“It’s fine,” she dismissed quickly.
You two stood there in an awkward silence for a few moments. She couldn’t bear it.
“So, what made you decide to work at Freddy’s?” Vanessa internally scolded herself for asking something so stupid and personal.
“Oh,” you said, shrugging. “I just wanted to make some money before the school year starts.”
Vanessa nodded slowly, “Highschool?”
You shook your head. “College, actually.”
Her eyes widened, you looked younger than you were then.
“That’s,” she blinked a few times, “nice.”
You nodded awkwardly, and she smiled. “What’s your major?”
“English literature.”
“That sounds interesting,” she said thoughtfully.
“You know, I never considered going to college,” Vanessa murmured, thinking how her father would reduce her to dust if she even dared to suggest the idea.
“Is that why you’re a cop?” You said bluntly. You quickly realized how that sounded and attempted to take it back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Vanessa stared at you blankly for a moment before bursting out laughing. 
You smiled, confused. 
“Don’t worry. It is probably why I am a cop, yeah,” she said, smiling, trying to regain her composure.
Not one of the previous had charmed her enough to even smile, and now you were making her laugh.
She obviously couldn’t tell you that she wasn’t actually a cop. She sighed, gazing at the clock that hung on the wall. “Well, I better get going, I still have to patrol a couple of blocks,” she lied.
You nodded, understanding, and then escorted her to the door.
“I may come back another night to see how you’re doing, alright?” 
“Sure.”
Vanessa nodded, but before you closed the door, she spoke again. “You never told me your name.”
You smiled, “Y/N.”
“Y/N,” she echoed, then nodded. “Nice to meet you, Y/N.”
“Nice to meet you too, Vanessa.”
And with that she made her way back to her car, her heart pounding inside her chest.
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She returned four days later by her father’s order. 
Same routine. Choose the darkest spot in the parking lot, put the fake uniform on top of her normal clothes, grab her fake badge and fake ID and put on her bravest face. 
It was the same procedure she had done for years. Except, of course, that this time it was pouring, and she hadn’t brought a rain coat with her.
She frantically rang the bell, feeling the rain wet her clothes and soak her to the bone. 
You opened the door, letting her through. She mumbled a thank you as she rushed inside.
“God, you’re soaked,” you murmured. She snapped her head towards you, almost straining her neck, and you blushed at how that sounded. “I, I meant–” 
Vanessa sighed, looking at her uniform, “I know what you meant,” she grumbled.
You cleared your throat awkwardly, “I think there’s a towel in the office. Come with me.”
She followed you to the office while shivering. You offered your chair for her to sit and she gladly accepted it.
She watched you search every corner of your office for a towel, but the only thing you could find was a handkerchief. 
“Sorry, this is all I have,” you scratched the back of your neck as you offered the piece of cloth. She took with trembling fingers, and immediately dried her face.
“What brings you here again?” You asked, sitting on your desk. She sighed, untying her hair to try and dry it a bit with the handkerchief. 
“I just want to see how you are doing, honestly,” she said, making a face. “I didn’t read the weather forecast, as you can see.”
You chuckled a bit, “you’re going to be fine.”
A beat passed and you spoke up again, “actually, I have coffee, would you like some?”
She groaned softly. “Oh my God. Yes, please.”
You chuckled again, taking out a thermos from your backpack and pouring some in the mug sitting on the desk.
She took the coffee hastily and took a sip, humming in contentment. “I think you’re the first guard to bring coffee to the job,” she murmured. You raised your eyebrows.
“Okay, first of all, that’s ridiculous. The job is being a night guard, I can’t be the only one,” you rolled your eyes, and she smiled into the mug. “And second of all,” you looked into her eyes, “you met the other guards?”
Vanessa choked on the hot liquid, and coughed. She had said too much.
“Um,” she said, trying to recover. “Well, I met some of them,” she laughed awkwardly, avoiding your eyes. You hummed, seemingly satisfied with the answer.
“And how were they like?”
Vanessa sighed, as flashbacks flooded her mind. 
Sometimes she would find their bodies still sitting on the chair, their head laid down on the desk. She would consider herself lucky when she found them like that. Usually they had been just stabbed on the chest, or the stomach. It was probably Foxy, or that’s what she liked to think.
Other times she would find them in the supply closet. Dismembered, split in a half, headless, or smashed. She would have to hide the bodies and additionally clean the whole room. 
The animatronics were relentless, especially, she had come to realize, if the person looked like her father, even if it was just the minimum. 
She didn’t blame them of course. They had been trapped in there for at least two decades, and even if they had forgotten what happened, and who did them wrong, they still subconsciously searched for vengeance.
“Vanessa?” 
She snapped out of her thoughts, “yes?”
“What were the other night guards like? I mean,” you shifted on the desk, leaning in. “I mean, I’ve heard that most of them went missing. But that can’t be true, can’t it? That’s too many people to be a coincidence.”
She swallowed, looking at the remaining sip of coffee on the mug.
Vanessa cleared her throat in an effort to regain her composure. “Well, I’m sure most of them simply quit.”
“You don’t seem so sure,” you said, arching an eyebrow. She tried to brush it off by chuckling. 
“I mean,” she sighed, “it would be too many people to be a coincidence, like you said. People don’t just… disappear.” 
You frowned. The tone in which she had said it made your curiosity rise. 
Just as you were about to ask her to explain what she meant, she drank the last of the coffee and handed you the mug.
“Well, thanks for the coffee,” she looked down at her hands, where she was holding the handkerchief. “And for the…” she waved the piece of cloth, “this.”
You smiled and her heart sped up. “Sure thing."
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It had become a routine. She came back to supposedly check on you, but in reality she just wanted to see you. To hear you.
She ached to look at you as you ranted to her about a boring book you had been reading lately. 
She brought you dinner sometimes, which you always took with a smile, and a thank you in a soft voice, which made her heart leap into her chest.
Vanessa wasn't what people would call experienced in love, much less in dating, or relationships, but she knew that what you made her feel was not only attraction, but also affection.
Affection had always eluded Vanessa. First from her father, given his nature, and then from her mother, who vanished from the face of the Earth when Vanessa was a child.
But you were different. You seemed to exhale affection through your pores. It was so natural for you, whether with her or with everything else, that she could feel devotion slowly consuming her.
Her father had started to suspect that something was up. He had always controlled her outings, only letting her out at night to fulfill her duties as his spy, but she was checking on the guard a little too much for his liking.
He had even cornered her, grabbing her arm tightly and pressing her against the wall. “I’m warning you, Vanessa,” he said. “If I find out that you are crossing the line between my orders and your personal matters, it’s not going to end well for either of you. Especially not for her.”
She had suppressed a shiver as William let go of her arm.
Vanessa knew it was risky, but she didn’t want to stop. In fact, she couldn’t. It’s like she had become addicted to you.
Addicted to your smile, your humor, your voice. 
She hadn’t even touched you yet, aside from the handshake on the first night she met you, and the occasional brush of hands when she handed you some food, or when you gave her a mug filled with coffee.
She loved to hear you rant about the books you read, even if she thought that reading was boring, especially the books you always chose to read.
“I’m telling you,” you said, “this has to have some truth to it!” You exclaimed, holding the book up, whose cover read “The Turn of the Screw.” 
“What if ghosts do exist?” You continued. She rolled her eyes, slightly unamused by your interest in the supernatural. 
She knew ghosts were real. The whole place was a proof of it. All the deaths, and the attacks, it was obvious what had provoked them, but she remained silent as you kept speaking.
“I mean,” you continued, “you know energy can’t be destroyed, right? And humans are energy. So what really happens to our energy when we die?”
You seemed fascinated by the concept of ghosts now. All thanks to that stupid book.
“Y/N, you can’t be serious,” Vanessa scoffed. 
You rolled your eyes, “you just don’t get it.”
She sighed, shaking her head. “Yeah, that’s probably it.”
You grinned, “I could lend you the book if you want.” She chuckled.
“That won’t be necessary, believe me. I know enough thanks to what you have told me,” she smiled.
“Well, that sounds like you don’t like reading.”
 She laughed, “Not all of us can be workbooks like you, you know?”
Your grin widened. “You just don’t appreciate the beauty of reading and analyzing.”
Vanessa hummed, and smirked, “that must be why I became a cop.” You groaned. “God, no. I thought you had forgotten about that.” She smiled.
“I never forget the things you tell me,” she said softly. 
You smiled softly, blushing slightly while you looked down at your book. On the page you were left on you put the handkerchief, which you were now using as a separator, and closed the book.
“You know,” you spoke softly. “I know that might have sounded pretty mean. But I said it as a compliment.”
She met your gaze, “how so?”
You licked your lips. “Well, I could never be a cop. To be a cop you need to be brave, smart and caring. Reading is something I’ve always loved, that’s why I’m majoring in english literature, but you,” you paused. “You became a police officer to help people, something that has never crossed my mind.”
Vanessa swallowed, knowing that she wasn’t a real cop, and that she wasn’t pretending to help anyone but herself and her father.
“Your decision to pursue a career that allows you to help others doesn't compare to my futile decision to study literature because I like to read and be annoying.” You smiled at her again. “I could never be like you, and I admire you, honestly.”
She felt a little overcome with emotion, and completely filled with guilt. She swallowed her feelings down.
“Thank you. For your kind words.”
You grinned, “as long as I’m alive you’ll get to hear more kind words coming from me.”
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One night, when Vanessa descended the staircase, carrying the bag with her fake belongings, William was waiting for her at the foot of the steps, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.
He wore that look he always had when he was planning something, like a predator stalking its prey.
“Vanessa,” he began, his voice cold like ice, “where are you going?”
She swallowed, lifting the bag for her father to see, hoping he would deduce her intentions, but he merely arched an eyebrow. “I’m going to Freddy’s”, Vanessa said in a small voice, “to check on the night guard.”
She brushed past him, walking towards the garage.
“You’ve been checking on her an awful lot lately, hm?” 
William trailed behind her, his pace slowly but his steps wide.
Vanessa didn’t turn to look at him. She opened the car’s trunk, throwing the bag inside, and just hummed in acknowledgement to her dad’s words.
“Is there a reason why?” William insisted.
Vanessa sighed. “No, dad. I just want to keep an eye on her,” she closed the trunk with more force than she intended to. “I’m just doing as you told me. I’m just doing what you entrusted me to do.” 
He hummed, sounding more like the typical cartoon villain than an actual man. 
“Remember what I told you, Vanessa.”
Vanessa didn’t answer, she just opened the driver’s side door, and got into the car.
Just as she was adjusting the mirror by her window, William grabbed her wrist tightly, and squeezed even tighter.
Vanessa groaned.
“I’m serious, Vanessa,” he leaned closer to her through the window, towering over his daughter. Vanessa felt herself shrinking on her seat.
"If I catch you spilling your guts to that filthy little friend of yours, I'll skin her alive, and you, dear daughter, I'll lock you up in the basement with the prototypes of animatronics I've been working on.”
Vanessa’s breath got caught in her throat. “Dad–” she tried to explain, but he just kept talking, squeezing her wrist harder.
“And I assure you, little girl,” William practically sneered, “this time those animatronics will serve their purpose if you dare come near them."
Finally, he let go of her wrist, or rather, he flung it away from him, and Vanessa's hand hit the mirror.
William walked away, slamming the door behind him as he left the room.
Vanessa sat there, still trembling, holding onto her hand, which hurt pretty bad. But she didn’t know what was worse, if the physical pain, the threats against you, or the threats against her.
When she had finally calmed down enough, she turned on the engine, and drove away.
Away from her father, and looking for you.
Your smile had disappeared, and turned instead into a frown as soon as you saw the state she was in. 
A nervous mess, with tense shoulders, and a bruise starting to form on her wrist. Wide, alert eyes met yours instead of the usual bright eyes that typically greeted you.
You closed the door behind her, the atmosphere was so tense that it could have been cut with a knife.
“What’s wrong?” 
“Nothing,” she sighed, leaning against one of the tables that were used for dinning back in the day.
You crossed the distance between you and her in two seconds, and delicately took her injured wrist.
“Then what is this?”
Vanessa’s pulse quickened. You were touching her.
Your skin felt so soft, so warm, and inviting. She suppressed a shiver as she swallowed dryly and looked away. 
“That’s just,” she gestured with her other hand, “an occupational hazard.” “I've never seen you have one of these before," you murmured. “Does it hurt?” You asked as you poked the bruise lightly. Vanessa hissed.
“Shit–” you let go of her hand as if it burned you. “I’m so sorry–”
“It’s fine,” she cut you off. “I’m fine, really.” She ran a hand through her carefully arranged ponytailed hair. “That just… happens sometimes. Sometimes things just happen to you, and you can’t explain why.” She swallowed, “you never know if you did something to cause them, or if that is just how life works.” You opened your mouth to say something, but then closed it again.
“Come with me,” you said finally, walking towards your office.
She hesitated for a moment, but ultimately followed you.
Once inside, you took your backpack and began to search inside. After a few moments, you pulled out a cold juice can wrapped in the handkerchief from last time.
“I brought this because I wanted to give it to you,” you said after you saw Vanessa’s look of confusion. “But I have books in my backpack, I don’t want them to get wet.” 
You unwrapped the handkerchief, which was now cold. With a subtle gesture, you  extended your hand towards her, indicating for her to bring her wrist closer.
She complied. You took her wrist, wrapping the cold cloth around it.
“There,” you said, “that’ll help with the swelling.” 
She took a deep breath, touched by the gesture.
“Thank you,” Vanessa said, meeting your gaze as she smiled softly.
“Anytime,” you replied, offering the juice can to her. “Besides, it matches your uniform.”
Vanessa smiled, taking the can from your hand. Her fingers brushed against yours, which caused a tingle to go down her spine.
Your smile widened, your eyes traveling to her injured wrist. “I hope it helps,” you gestured towards the piece of cloth wrapped around her wrist.
Vanessa nodded, pulling the tab from the can, and resting her lips on the cold surface of the lid. “It already feels better,” she admitted with a soft voice.
“Good,” you replied. You both stood there in silence, and Vanessa couldn’t help but notice that providing her with some comfort made you look strangely content.
“Have you seen the animatronics perform?” She asked suddenly.
You huffed a laugh. “Uh, no. Not really.”
She took a sip from the juice, “would you like to?”
You met her gaze, holding it for a second, and then you nodded.
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When Vanessa woke up the next day, she lay in bed, mulling over everything that had happened the night before.
You giving her your handkerchief to help with the swelling of her wrist, the juice can, the animatronics' performance, the dancing, the way you rested your forehead against hers as you laughed after tripping over your own feet.
It felt surreal, to say the least.
When she finally decided to descend the stairs to find something to eat, her father was in the dining room reading the newspaper.
Their eyes met, but due to the fight from the night before, neither of them said anything and shortly after, William disappeared from her sight.
She was relieved, of course. A day without William meant a day without problems. No arguments, no empty threats, and no deathly stares.
Vanessa decided to just stay in and relax. It was true that she was glad William wasn’t around, but she didn’t want to upset him further by going out without permission. With her going out almost every night, deliberately disobeying him and lying to his face. She didn’t want to think about what could happen if he found out.
Hours passed and Vanessa was growing worried. Had something happened to him? 
It was true that whenever they were together, Vanessa felt like she had to walk on eggshells, always being on edge. But he was her dad after all, wasn't he? Her only family.
After a while of pacing out in front of the door, Vanessa sat down.
She started dozing off, and just when the clock was about to strike midnight, the door opened, with a very calm William stepping inside.
Vanessa immediately jumped from her seat, rushing to him.
William gave her an exasperated look, but smiled to her nonetheless.
He unceremoniously walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge, and Vanessa trailed behind him.
“Dad?”
William ignored her, taking the carton of milk out of the fridge, and setting it on the table. He then turned to the cupboard, taking out a mug, and lastly, took out powdered coffee from the kitchen cabinet.
“Dad,” Vanessa insisted. What was his deal now? Was he going to ignore her until his anger had dissipated?
He turned around, turning on the hot water, and filling his cup, which was now full of coffee powder. He hummed a tune, one Vanessa could recognize from the songs the animatronics used to play, she clenched her fists.
“Father,” her patience was running out, her voice was more commanding this time.
William continued on his task, now pouring the milk after having dissolved the coffee with water. Then he took the sugar jar and opened it.
She hated him. She hated him so much.
She hated his smugness, his incredibly enormous ego, the total dismissal of her feelings, the threats, the fights, the screaming, the hits –
Her fists clenched until her knuckles turned white. What was his problem? All Vanessa had ever done was to please him, and when she displeased him just once, he preferred to be away all day and ignore her afterward.
“Look at me!” she all but growled. 
William audibly sighed, taking a sip out of his drink. He put the mug on the counter, and finally acknowledged Vanessa’s presence.
“Tell me,” he said in a monotone voice, “are you going to visit your little friend today?”
Vanessa swallowed. “No, I’m not.”
William raised his eyebrows. “Oh, really? That’s surprising.” 
Vanessa opened her mouth to answer, but he interrupted her with a low chuckle. “I mean, you were so eager to see her last night, weren’t you?”
She inhaled, trying to relax and push her uncomfort down. “Yes,” she said between her teeth. “But since it upset you, I’m not going to go check on her for at least a couple of days.”
William hummed.
“Is that satisfying enough for you, father?”
“Bah,” with a dismissive gesture, he waved off her words, turning his head to the side with disdain.
“Playing the “father” card with me, like you’re a little kid,” he murmured to himself. “I know what you’re doing,” he turned to her, closing the distance between them.
Vanessa recoiled, panic etching her face. 
She tried walking away from him until her back hit the wall, and William finally cornered her.
“You think you’re so smart, huh?” He smiled condescendingly at her. “You think you’re so tough, so… lucky. One day reality it’s going to hit you, and you’ll realize you’re not worth any of the trouble you’re causing.”
He raised his hand towards her face.
Vanessa’s breath quickened. She felt as if all of the air in the room suddenly vanished. Her chest felt tight, her throat was dry and her eyes burned with unshed tears.
William gently stroked her cheek before slowly sliding his hand downward. He rested his hand around Vanessa’s neck, not squeezing, just to hold her in place, like a silent warning.
His voice was soft and calm, but incredibly supercilious. “The day will come, Vanessa. Just wait and see.”
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After a week of radio silence, Vanessa couldn't take it anymore and went to look for you at work.
Something had changed. She didn't know what exactly, but you weren't the same.
You would barely face her, let alone look at her. You would avoid her touch, you wouldn't accept her offerings of food.
You didn't offer her coffee anymore.
Vanessa couldn't help but wonder if it was something she had done.
Every time she tried to mention it, you brushed it off like it wasn’t important.
“I’m just tired, that’s all,” or sometimes it was “I just had a rough day, don’t worry about it.”
You were lying, it was painfully obvious, and both of you were aware of it.
But why? What had happened? 
Vanessa couldn’t help but roll around in bed every night, thinking, analyzing.
Whatever it was, she was determined to find out.
There was something else, too.
Her father had also changed his behavior.
He stopped asking where she was going. He also spent most of his time in the basement, working on his projects.
Vanessa honestly didn't mind as much, she felt better with him being out of sight most of the time.
That night, when she went downstairs ready to check on you at Freddy's, he was in the living room, reading the newspaper.
“How's your little friend?” He asked, not lifting his gaze.
“She's fine,” Vanessa answered, maybe more coldly than she should've.
William chuckled, amused, for some reason.
“I've been thinking about placing an ad in the newspaper to look for another security guard.”
“Another?” Vanessa frowned. “Are you going to fire her?”
William lifted his gaze, “you sometimes worry me, Vanessa.”
Vanessa was taken aback by this, but her father didn't elaborate.
She sighed, making her way to the garage. 
Vanessa heard her father say, “have fun,” as she left the room.
She was inside Freddy's in no time. You had developed the habit of leaving the door unlocked, Vanessa knew she probably had to scold you for that, but she honestly couldn't care less.
Vanessa headed to your office, but something stopped her.
Was that the smell of…?
No, she interrupted her train of thought. No, it can't be, it's impossible.
“Is it, though?” A voice inside her head said.
She swallowed, turning around and heading to the storage room.
With her heart beating madly inside, she entered the room.
An incredibly strong and nauseating smell hit her. 
Vanessa recognized the smell easily. 
Putrefaction.
Death.
And there were you. Or rather, what was left of you.
Her heart was beating so fast that she was subconsciously afraid that her blood pressure would drop and she would faint.
Slowly, painfully so, she approached your body.
At first glance, and also thanks to the stench, she could tell this had happened days ago, if not weeks.
How?
You talked with her not too long ago, barely a couple of days had passed.
How? Who?
Vanessa could no longer stand, and her knees gave way.
How? Who? Why?
All she could do was stare at your decomposed body, the dry wounds, the rotten blood, the pale skin. 
It was like seeing the kids again. All over again.
Before she could When he realized it, big tears were sliding down his cheeks and falling to the ground.
This couldn't be happening. Not to you, at least.
It didn't make any sense, one day she had you dancing in her arms, and now you were lying dead on the ground.
Why?
Could she have prevented this?
She never even get to tell you how she felt. She never got to tell you that she liked you.
Vanessa trembled, unable to stop crying. Was this a divine punishment?
Did God see all her atrocities and decided to take action against her?
She tried to brush away the tears, being too harsh.
It hurt. Everything hurt. From her eyes, to her head, and her heart.
Her chest felt tight, she couldn't breathe. No amount of trying was going to compensate for it.
You were dead. But she had seen you, hadn't she?
And that's when she heard footsteps behind her. 
Vanessa snapped her head back, and lo and behold. You were there.
Vanessa choked, trying to say something, anything.
“You're gone,” was the first thing that came out of her mouth, barely audible over her sobs.
You nodded, softly.
She raised her voice, “why didn't you say anything?”
You just stared at her for a moment. “I don't know.”
“You don't know?” Vanessa stood up on her wobbly legs. 
“It wasn't supposed to be like this,” you say. 
Vanessa looks at your face after what felt like eternity. So that was why you would recoil from her touch. That was why you would never look at her, you would never let her look at you. It was disturbingly obvious now.
Your eyes were basically drained of life, hollow, empty. 
She would have realized something was amiss if you hadn't taken all those precautions.
The tears kept falling.
“I'm sorry,” Vanessa breathed out with a broken voice.
You managed a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes. “Don't be. It wasn't your fault.”
She choked on her sobs, her cries getting louder.
“I don't understand,” she choked, “why are you still here?”
You (or rather, your ghost,) looked down, sighing. “I guess what they say it's true. You can't go if you have something pending.”
You approached her. "I guess I should tell you.”
Vanessa looked down at your corpse and then back at your ghost.
“Tell me.”
You sighed, smiling bittersweetly. 
“Let me tell you something else first,” you began. “I still admire you for your decision to become a police officer. I know you think it's nothing. But not for me, because I know you'll help with the investigation. I know you'll report what happened here, and I'll finally get some peace.”
Vanessa swallowed. She wouldn't. She couldn't.
“Anyways, I…” you closed your eyes, and opened them again. “I'm ready to tell you.”
A beat passed.
“I like you, Vanessa.”
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Numb. That's the only way she could describe it.
Her hands felt numb after dragging your body through the cold and burying it behind Freddy's, on the empty lot William had bought a few years ago.
Her heart was numb after your confession. 
“I like you.”
It repeated over and over again inside her head, like a broken record.
I like you, I like you, I like you.
If only she could have said, “I like you too,” before your spectrum became nothing more than dust and memories.
If only she had said something before you were killed.
If only she had done anything at all.
She knew exactly who had done it. She couldn't pretend that she didn't see it anymore. 
That night, coming home felt like a nightmare.
Vanessa had barged inside the basement, and screamed at him. At her father.
The one who had taken you away from her.
She screamed, and threw everything she could find at him. She cried, and cried, and cried.
And William remained impassive until he didn't.
Vanessa made the mistake of tearing William's work plans off the wall, and at that moment he finally saw red and revealed himself.
With an incredible amount of force, he grabbed Vanessa and pressed her against his desk.
“What do you think you're doing, you stupid creature? You think throwing a tantrum will bring her back? Do you forget who you are, and who I am?”
William basically spat the words out, Vanessa took a deep breath.
“Look at what you have become,” William narrowed his eyes as he said this.
With a trembling voice, Vanessa replied, “I am what you made me. I am your daughter.”
He growled, “you're unbearable. I want you out of my sight!”
William pushed her out of the basement, and locked himself inside.
A couple of days later, Vanessa was packing everything she owned, including the handkerchief you had given to her that one time, and leaving her dad's house. For good this time.
And a month after escaping her father's shadow, she was changing her last name from Afton to Shelly and enrolling in the police academy.
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A/N: Well, that was a ride, wasn't it? Reblogs are appreciated.
148 notes · View notes
stemmmm · 9 months
Text
Close to a year and four rewrites later, I present to you...
Stem's Thoughts on the Game Design of Harvest Moon on SNES
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I’m not going to lie, if you don’t like farming sims, you won’t like this one. At their core, every farming sim (at least in the rpg genre) is nearly identical, and that’s because of this game. In a way, I might dare to say that Harvest Moon for the SNES is the perfect farming sim because it has every one of the usual elements in their most simplified form and it just works straight from the get-go. It works so well in fact, that after this game came out in 1996, four more entries to the series were released before the year 2000.
If you are someone who does like farming sims, I can’t recommend this game enough. It’s simple and to the point, with a fast pace and enough random events and points of intrigue that the game kept me relatively engaged for my whole playthrough.
Also, by nature of this being the first game and therefore hard to cover concisely and by nature of taking so long to write this... it's long as hell! Enjoy! :) <3
I can’t say my appreciation of this game doesn’t come with a few caveats. I’ve intermittently played HM games all my life, starting with the GameBoy port (GB1) all the way to Pioneers of Olive Town, so while I don’t know exactly how the series has evolved, I’ve seen it at some of its earliest and at its latest. My vague childhood memories of GB1 (a game I didn’t own and didn’t play much of) were that it was pretty sparse and bland, so knowing that this original game was allegedly the same thing but with a little more content, I was expecting the bare minimum. I was prepared to never even be able to leave my farm, but the first thing the game did was shuttle me off to the nearby town and blocked the exit until I talked to everyone there. 
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(Maps of the town, mountain, and farm via The Spriters Resource)
You learn everything you need to know about the game right here at the beginning; Firstly, that this town is small as all hell and has hardly anyone in it aside from the five girls you can marry and their immediate family members. The next thing you’ll learn is that there’s a fence on your farm, and you need to be taking care of that. Of the few repetitive lines of dialogue any given person in town has to share with you on any given day, a fair amount are devoted to reminding you to fix your fence, to make sure it’s in good repair. There was just a big storm so watch out! Remember to check it every day! Are you chopping enough wood? Because you’ll need it for that fence!
I’m being dramatic of course, you aren’t reminded about it that much, though the thin variation of dialogue means it comes up a lot. The emphasis on your fence does exist, and it isn’t for nothing: while it doesn’t matter as much if all you do is grow crops– if you keep animals, the game tells you that the ideal thing to do for yours and the animal’s happiness is to put the animals outside to graze. Animal feed bought from the livestock shop will keep them fed, but it's nothing compared to fresh grass grown on your farm. You can’t even buy animals without a certain amount of grass planted! And sure, you can cut the grass to store for later, but it’s at its best straight out of the ground. However, the way the game is programmed, the animals only eat when the day rolls over, so putting animals outside for the day and taking them in at night isn’t an option, and on top of that, there’s things that come out at night that can hurt your animals. This is where your fence comes in.
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The Utility of Fences
At the entrance to your farm is a cluster of buildings: your house, a small lumber shed, a barn, coop, and silo, a tool shed, and an old, dried up well. Just barely surrounding all of these is a little wooden fence that looks more like a row of upright logs than anything else. Despite this farm having presumably been abandoned, the fence is in perfect repair. You’ll quickly discover that the fence as it is won’t work out; there’s hardly space to plant anything within it, and with the well dried up, you’re forced to hop it to get to a water source to fill up your watering can. It’s pretty clear that you’ll need to expand your fence, and it’s easy to do with all of the tree stumps littering the massive field that it’s blocking off. 
On top of needing to expand the range of your fence, the individual planks eventually will rot away and leave useless stumps. They show up more frequently after rain or a large storm. The posts don’t rot away completely so they have to be manually removed, but replacing them is as simple as smashing the old post with a hammer or ax and popping a new post in its place. It becomes a very natural part of your daily routine to run a lap around the farm’s perimeter before you go to bed to make sure everything looks safe and secure. It’s a good way to ensure your animals are put away and debris is cleared out, too! It slotted very nicely into my daily schedule until a certain point.
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With how much time you have to spend hopping over the logs to get to the rest of the area too large to fence in, you might be tempted to leave one out of place for easier traversal. When night comes, it’s clear why that would be a mistake. Sometimes when you go to bed, you’ll hear your dog barking. It’s a small detail, one that took me a long time to notice because I didn’t always play with the sound on. There are wild dogs that prowl around the wilderness surrounding your farm, and only at night do they dare to come close. Your dog, if left outside, isn't able to do anything other than warn you of their presence if they show up. There’s nothing to notice during the daytime if it happens, unless you happened to leave one of your animals outside. There was one night that I left my chickens outside, having thought my fence was in perfect order and repair. I went to bed and heard the dog barking, followed by a horrible crunch. When I went out in the morning, I saw where my chicken had been before, it had been replaced by a pile of feathers. On the north side of my farm was a rotted fence post I’d failed to fix. 
The Reality of Fences
After losing my chicken, a cluster of pixels on my screen it may have been, I didn’t feel comfortable leaving my animals outside. I didn’t want to take a risk again, the sound and sight of feathers was upsetting enough. On a more logical note, the chickens didn’t even lay eggs if left outside so there was no value in it. Cows were a pain to put back inside the barn too, because of some silliness with the game’s collision. As much of a disappointment as it was to not have my animals roam around, it was just easier. At the time, I was focusing on upgrading my house anyways, so I didn’t have time to take care of my animals outside where time would pass when I could use that time gathering wood, and everything I had was being saved up for the house so I didn’t have any extra materials to repair my fence with. My fence was all rotting away. Because it was inconvenient for getting to my crops, I started smashing all the old posts as they went, too. That’s when I noticed something: the wild dog wasn’t coming anymore.
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I didn’t pay much attention to it until I was looking up a completely different mechanic and discovered a forum explaining how the fences were broken. Rotted posts attracted the wild dog, they said. It didn’t matter if you had gaps in your fence, or even a fence at all–in fact no fence was the best kind to have because the mere existence of posts that could rot was a liability. 
I was hesitant at first to test this concept, after all there wasn’t much I could gain from it. My chickens wouldn’t lay outside, and my cows would be too challenging to get back in if the forecast called for rain. The thing that got me to finally try it was when I was trying to hatch more chickens. My coop felt like a nightmare to navigate due to its current population. I wanted less animals inside that I had to feed, so I threw a couple chicks outside–they weren’t laying yet anyways. Lo and behold, the dog didn’t come. More days passed and more animals were left outside, and it never came. My fence had rotted until there was nothing left at all. No dogs could ever come to my farm again. And I realized that the game’s own insistence on its mechanics was all a lie.
How You’re Told To Play - How The Game Lies
Of course, my animals didn’t stay outside. For a minute it was fun having a crowd of cows milling about while I tended to my crops, but letting them wander free and uninhibited made it impossible to find and milk all of them without any trouble, and there were the rainy days to watch out for. After the novelty wore off, they went back inside and stayed there. The thing is, that didn’t make a single bit of difference in how much they liked me compared to how they were living in the barn. On top of that, they didn’t seem to care whether I was feeding them grass or store-bought food either, though I mostly stuck to the grasses since they were cheaper and easier to get. Nothing about how I was told to care for animals really mattered past feeding them every day, petting it and maybe brushing it, if it was a cow.
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It gets worse. The most basic aspect of the game is the fact that time passes. The story takes place over 2 and a half years, running through each day until the end, and these days last from 6AM to 6PM according to the game’s own internal time setting. After 6PM, all of the shops aside from the bar will close and you lose the ability to sell anything as you’re told it would rot in the shipping bin overnight, so there’s nothing to do but sleep until the next day. Issue with this is that when the days stop at 6PM… they just stop. Time doesn’t flow anymore. The game doesn’t give you any kind of clock to know the exact time it is until after you’ve upgraded your house, so all you have to go by before that is the color of the environment and whether or not your character has played an animation to eat something (you’re automatically fed when you wake up, at noon, and at night). I discovered this because I was curious if I could actually see the wild dog by staying out, and left the game running for probably 20 minutes in real life only for nothing to happen. Because of the time freeze, the time after 6PM actually becomes really valuable for farm logistics. You can’t sell anything, no, but you can pull up all the weeds on the farm, water your crops, fix your fences, feed and care for animals if you hadn’t already, and harvest wood for fences and house upgrades which would have taken a lot of valuable time to get during shipping-hours. The only thing that gets in the way of doing all that is you running out of energy.
Your energy is what allows you to use your farming equipment like your ax or watering can. Running out of it doesn’t mean you fall unconscious or anything, but your character will play an animation of them stumbling over and will fail to use any tools. The most obvious fix to this is to simply go to bed, as sleeping gives you a full recharge. You can also, however, recharge it by going to the hot spring on the mountain, or by eating food bought at the restaurant in town or foraged for in the forest. You can’t tell easily how much is refilled, as there’s no visual indicator like a health bar, but you’re able to eat more than once, and jumping into the hot spring seems to count whether you did it or not more than how much time you spend in there, so you can hop in and out a couple of times and call it good. 
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Individually, time freezing at 6PM and energy being endlessly replenishable aren’t bad things. Even together, they’re not the worst. Having free time to focus on profitless chores is nice, and I think it’s important to be able to replenish your energy in case you have a limited amount of time to do things like for example, cut all of your grass before winter kills it. What makes an exploit out of these is the fact that the resources in the forest will never run out. Every time you re-enter the forest, all forage items and tree stumps are respawned. The infinite amount of forage makes for infinite energy refills, and could also make for an incredible money exploit if you didn’t have a very limited amount of time to ship things. You don’t have a limited amount of time to cut up tree stumps though. If you wanted to, you could run up to the forest after 6PM, chop every stump, then simply reload the area, and everything’s back. You can get all of the wood you would ever need to fully upgrade your house in one night. It’s a bit of a grind to do all at once, but it’s a grind you’d be doing over time anyways. It’s not the worst exploit in the world, since you still need money to pay for the house upgrade, but arguably because of how you have to focus your energy elsewhere for most of the game, the wood is the harder thing to get. Additionally, when the game has very little to do in both fall and winter due to the lack of crops, this exploit takes away just about any reason to play those two seasons other than to take care of animals. It’s an optional exploit of course–as all exploits are–but once you learn about it, it’s hard to resist the desire to get the grind out of the way all at once and mess up the pacing of the game.
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The Charm of the Game
Learning that the fences were completely broken as a mechanic was a huge disappointment for me. From the moment I got a grasp on how the game was supposed to work, I wanted to eventually surround my whole field with fencing and keep my animals outside so I would have some life on my farm while I worked. I didn’t just want this, I was excited for it! This was something I’d never done in a farming sim that didn’t already manage putting animals in and out for you like Stardew Valley or newer Story of Seasons games do. My routine is always the same: I go into the barn and coop to tend to each of my animals, I take care of my crops outside, then run straight to town to talk to everyone, and go to bed. The change in routine that would come from taking care of the animals outside and patrolling the fence every night felt fresh to me. It made me feel that even though this was the first game of its kind, it was different and required new things of me. But in the end, I played it exactly the same.
Harvest Moon is still very different from all of the games that followed it, though. In many ways, it’s because it has less “stuff” in it– both in terms of items and things you have to do. But I wouldn’t say that it feels incomplete. Harvest Moon runs over the course of 2 and a half years before your work is evaluated. Until that happens, you have the ability to farm four different crops, you can raise both cows and chickens, you can upgrade your house to have more features, upgrade your working tools, build relationships with the townspeople to a small extent, go to town festivals that happen each year, and you can get married to one of the five girls living in town with whom you can have up to two children. Everything that you would come to expect as a fan of games like this is already here from the very first iteration. The most notable lack this game has, and one that seems to be completely unique to this game, is that there aren’t any crops in the fall or winter, which means that unless you have animals, there’s a whole half of the year that you don’t have anything to do. The game is clearly aware of this though, because in an average playthrough, this is where you’ll start to run into the story events.
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There isn’t much of an overarching story in the game, past the general concept that you’ve run away from home to work on an abandoned farm. The conclusion rests on how good of a job you actually do. In between those two points are smaller events, usually tied to when you get tool upgrades or special ones for each of the romantic interests. The first event you’re likely to run into happens on the very last day of summer, where one of the woodsmen comes to your house in the morning to ask if you’re okay because he heard a huge crash at night and you should check your farm. What I found was that a tree in my field had fallen over, and its remaining stump had a big empty hole in it. When I inspected the stump, I was suddenly underground in a cave filled with loud and industrious music, and I was faced with two, little green people–Harvest Sprites, though I don’t know if they’re called that yet here. One asked me if my scythe worked well, and when I said yes, told me that they had made it and that I should check my shed tomorrow for a better one. Other tool upgrades are obtained in similar fashion; one comes from feeding a starving sprite a mushroom and another comes from another hole in the farm opening up to reveal another part of the cave system that has a couple of hints on how to unlock other things. 
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The events for romantic interests happen at less scripted times, as they’re tied to how strong your relationship is with each girl. Each girl only has one event, and it only triggers when your relationship is high enough that you would ask her to marry you. The events usually take up a whole day, and don’t necessarily add much to each character. Ellen’s revolves around how she’s no good at keeping pets– something established on your second day at the farm when you get your dog from her, Eve’s hammers in her fraught relationship with her grandpa, and Ann’s is about losing the chicken weathervane, or “weathercock” which sits on the roof of her workshop and goes missing every time there’s a storm. Conversely, Nina and Maria’s scenes bring up entirely new events that bring up a number of questions while providing no answers. Nina disappears while looking for a medicinal plant because her mother is apparently sick, and Maria vanishes for days until you find her hiding away with the woodsmen for some reason. All of these events, whether they share new information or not, manage to add some greatly appreciated depth to each character by giving them more room to speak and be sincere than their short and repetitive day-to-day dialogues do.
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The dialogue in this game is simple, to the point, and sparse– probably because there was only so much memory that could be reserved for approximately 15 people who all have multiple lines of dialogue, and only so much money to pay someone to write more. There is simple dialogue that doesn’t tell you much more than “hello, how are you” would, more dialogue that I’d label as tutorial text, and a few lines that I truthfully couldn’t understand well because of the sub-par translation this game received for english. The dialogue that exists to inform the world really manages to create a unique vibe though. Nina’s dialogue, almost always about plants, goes into forays about how they’re creatures with wills to live, too. Ellen’s uncle who runs the ranch shop tells you that it’s much better to feed your animals fresh grass if you try to buy any from his store, and if you decline to purchase he laughs as if he’s won something. There’s even dialogue referencing the silent player! Multiple lines exist to comment on him not paying attention, and inspection prompts have people telling you not to touch something rather than being an item description. It was the last thing I expected, to get the same level of personality out of the main character as I did from each of the girls, albeit very subtly. He went from a kind of nothing, self-insert into being what I perceive to be a hyperactive boy, akin to a border collie who was let out into a field of sheep for the first time–the exact kind of person crazy enough to take on an abandoned farm and succeed.
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It’s these short little character details that bring life into the game. Each day, you’ll really only see one line of dialogue from each character, be it new or old, with that dialogue usually only changing if there’s a change in season or festival coming up. The repetitive, pretty mindless routine of the game can turn into a sort of meditation if you let it, where you spend your time working thinking about the folks in town and what they had to say to you the previous day. The developers took this concept in stride and gave the side characters loads of dialogue about life, about God and religion, and about… very basic morals, but morals nonetheless. It’s a children’s game after all. When you take the thoughts, questions and prompts the characters give you back to the farm to do your long and tedious routine, you have to ask yourself– what are you working so hard for? For the feeling of accomplishment? Recognition from your peers? For the sake of some higher power, if you worship one? For me personally, it was to write this essay, but it was also for a good grade on the high score screen at the end, so to be honest a lot of this stuff was lost on me until just now when I was reviewing the game to get screenshots.
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Setting The Standard - Why You Should Play HM SNES
You may read all of this and still think, well, it doesn’t sound like the game has much in it. And you would be right, it’s a very small game, but it’s also extremely quick. On average, my days only lasted about three minutes of real life time. Everything flew by, and I think I finished the game in 20 hours or less. I barely got a chance to notice that there wasn’t much going on because every second of my day was spent busy doing something, and when I wasn’t busy, the break was appreciated. I didn’t start to run out of things to do until I was finished with the second year, and when I looked up what I needed to do to get a decent ending, I was already most of the way there. It was easy to push through those last two seasons to get to the end, and it was so, so worth it. 
As I mentioned earlier, the game ends with a high score screen, meaning it has to track all of your accomplishments. These include, but are not limited to: the number of things you ship, number of each crop you grow, number of animals you have and how much they like you, how upgraded your house is, who you married, how much all of the girls in town like you if you didn't get married, how many kids you have (which basically equates to how long you were married), your happiness score (increased by going to festivals and decreased by having animals die), and how many times you’ve pet your dog. In addition to these being tallied up and presented to you, you get special cutscenes not just for each one of these accomplishments, but additional ones for if you managed to do even better! I got a cutscene for having a cow, followed by one for having lots of cows, followed by yet another for having cows that loved me! Watching them play one after the other felt like taking a victory lap even without getting the best possible result. Seeing all of my numbers come up at the end made me want to try again to actually get those other cutscenes, not to get to see them, they’re so easy to find on Youtube, but because the game made it feel like an accomplishment! If I weren’t following this game up by immediately playing its GameBoy port, I absolutely would have started a new file right away. I’ve been playing the Harvest Moon series since I was a little kid and this was the first time I’d actually managed to beat one of these games. I struggle to think the finale of any game following this will feel as good as this one did.
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I started writing this whole thing about the fences because it was an easy and silly entry point to get into my core issue with the game, and so I could have an opportunity to dig into game mechanics and the way the knowledge you have of them will completely alter your playstyle, because that’s all fun and interesting for me to talk about. Another reason why I focused on that was because it was near impossible for me to pick any kind of focus point when talking about this game. After all, I’m trying to study a whole series of games that spans multiple decades, and this is not only the first game in that series, but a game that created the whole genre of farming sims and defined that genre so thoroughly that you can see its DNA in every single game that followed.
 I didn’t expect much to come out of my experience with this game. My expectations for it before I even picked it up were that it was going to be basically featureless, as informed by my experience with one of the first games I ever played as a child, Harvest Moon GB, which I will get into next. This game was not that at all. I think that everything it did manage to get working right came together just about perfectly. Harvest Moon is exactly what it wanted to be, and where it wasn’t, it lied about how it worked to try and make you play the correct way anyways. When I believed that lie, my time playing was even more enjoyable. Maybe if farming worked just a little bit more like how you’re told it’s supposed to, and if there was just a little bit more story, those would cover the things I felt wanting for the most. But maybe a little flexibility and ambiguity is a good thing. Maybe actually maintaining a fence is just too hard, and maybe if the girls were more fleshed out, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy filling in their gaps in my head.
There are many more things I could say and wanted to say about this game, but this has grown far too long already so I'm cutting myself off here. I'm sure my later entries aren't going to get near this length. If you managed to get to this point, thank you so much for reading!
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nicromancytarot · 6 months
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WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU WERE TO CHANGE CAREER PATHS?
This is a general reading based on a collective of people. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t. If you don’t feel the pile resonates with you, don’t be scared to try another, if it still doesn’t feel right, that’s ok! Maybe our energies aren’t as connected and my readings are not for you.
I do these strictly for fun and educational purposes. I don’t change for these readings and I do not fake readings. I would tell you the cards I got but I pull like 20-30 cards each reading and that just slightly a strenuous task to write them all down lmao.
PICK A CARD READING
I asked my spirit guides what would happen if you were to change your current career path, pick a pile and see what they had to say!
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Pile 1 ———> Pile 2 ———> Pile 3
PILE 1
You guys seem to be in a current job which you’re not feeling all that fulfilled in, this is either to do with the community that surround this job, the work that you are given, or possibly the work that this job requires. For some of you, you may feel outcasted from a larger group of individuals, some of you may even go through “bullying” stages, or harassment in the workplace. Others of you are overwhelmed with the amount of work that you are being given, and possible over exaggerated standards that you are expected to meet in the workplace. For the rest of you it’s to do with the actual work itself, you may not be feeling very happy in this field, perhaps you gave up a hobby or passion project to take part in this workplace.
The reason I say this is because I notice that the pay isn’t necessarily the issue for a lot of you, the job you’re currently in does seem to be paying you well, and gives you a good amount of leadership and possible creative freedom. Changing your career path would be a very big difference, it’s not something that you are used to, and it’s not the same as your current job.
For a lot of you I am feeling that this is some type of business that you want to begin building and working on, perhaps something that you have been dreaming about for a few years. A lot of you are stressed about the time and energy this project would take to perfect, and are mainly failed about the possibility of it failing and you being left jobless.
Those of you who are not planning on starting a business, this links into some job that is more creatively freeing and fun for you, perhaps you’re going from a classic barista job, and changing into a graphic design field instead, there’s definitely a large amount of change and difference for all of you however.
Whatever you are choosing to do and how you are deciding to change this, you’re all very stressed out about the possibility of failure and being unsuccessful. Of course you could fail, but that’s a given is it not? With trying this, you could literally become a millionaire lmao, with so much perseverance and resilience, you can take this wherever you please.
For business people, makeup? Gloss?
A lot of you are scared of reaching out to people, whether it be making new friends at your new workplace, or finding yourself a trusted team to help you with your passion project. (I’m getting heavy passion project honestly)
Doing this will get you taken more seriously, it will take a while to nurture this decision and create the career path that you want for yourself, but with bravery and strength, you have the potential to create whatever dreams you have and bring them to life.
PILE 2
I feel like a lot of you are in a job that doesn’t pay you enough to sustain your living situation, almost like you’re a corporate slave? I’m getting the feeling of living in New York and struggling to pay your bills, or living somewhere which is below the bare minimum and making you feel like shit. Some of you could really be struggling with housing at the moment, possibly bug or rat infestations, a lot is going wrong, peeling paint, mould, it’s certainly not ideal.
Some of you are in a relationship with someone who would help you pay for your rent, or whatever you needed during your time of discovering your plans for your career in the future, even if this isn’t a romantic partner, it could be friends or family who are more than willing to lend a hand, masculines are very prominent for this pile.
I feel like leaving this job will give you some time to think about what you need to do next, what are the steps to take and how can you better your life?
I’m not getting business, however I am getting something that takes a lot to make work, perhaps you’ll be working alongside a friend, becoming an influencer, stepping into fame.
It’s giving very much “trust me” energy.
There are some people around you who won’t trust this or have much hope for it, you’ll have a good amount of individuals telling you to find a “proper job” or just go back to your old one.
You’re very sure about what you want after taking this small break away from everything, I see someone who knows what they have to do to make something work, as if they have it all planned, some of you might literally have a board like a detective, with strings pointing to certain opportunities or ideas.
You’ll get into this new thing very quickly, you’ll waste no time and give it your all, for those of you who are influencing or dipping your toe into the life of fame, you’ll be very good with handling criticism and hate, you’ll be very quick to brush it off and ignore those trolls, as you know that they are only jealous of you.
Your main motivator is your living situation.
The rest of you who are doing something else not relating to fame, you will be very defensive to the people around you who doubt your innovation and creativity to do what you want as a job.
Verrrrry quickly, this opportunity brings in those bags of money, I’m seeing someone doing the absolute least and then getting paid a ton for it.
How you will feel after this change will have something to do with your home, I’m seeing someone buying a much larger and stabler house, somewhere that they feel happy to bring their friends and family around to, I do see a lot of your money going into your housing situation.
PILE 3
Bro, are you guys sleeping with your boss or something??? There’s a heavy energy on workplace affairs, something to do with temptation, selfishness and love. This person that you are sleeping with, IS MARRIED!!!! Don’t go there, for the love of God.
Some of you could honestly be the work wife/husband, rather than an actual affair, however this person is down bad, but they only want you to have you, not to keep you.
This is a VERY specific message, only a few of you will relate to this, if it’s not your message, feel free to find another pile lmao, this one is insane.
For those of you who have been sleeping with or fawning over some person in your workplace, what are you doing?! Listen, I do not condone cheating, some of you are also cheating on your partner, oh my days.
This person has you in a metaphorical chokehold, they’ve got you in their arms, their spouse in their mind and their past rendezvous on speed dial. You’re getting ready to make a decision, you’re telling them about leaving the workplace and they are threatening you with telling everyone the truth. Their spouse already knows, I’m feeling like they are aware and just want you gone, they may even offer you some money to get you the hell out of their husband/wives life, they are not coming to play.
I’m seeing someone who will keep their money and reputation, meanwhile the other will only keep money, and say goodbye to their reputation. If people find out about the affair, they will turn on either one or you, however I’m feeling it point more towards you.
Fear not, create something new, spend the time working on it, and everyone will forget. It’s only one big scandal of the workplace, and they’re sure to do it with another, so you will soon be long forgotten.
For those of you who have romantic intentions or feelings for this person, they could be telling you that they’ll leave their spouse. Run. Run and do not look back, they are lying.
Working on something new, whether it be your own creation, or just something better paying and worthwhile in the long run, will help you achieve all you dream or achieving. I’m seeing someone who realised that they dodged a bullet, and now is possibly even their own boss, or married to their new one (slay)
I also see that you will “repent for your sins” the rest of your life (lmao, that’s so dramatic), but you will beg the universe for forgiveness for a while.
Also, for those of you who are cheating on your partner, you can work through it, they will forgive you, however I would recommend setting them free.
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