#i'll be so honest this was so much work for someone who doesn't think dazai is dead but i also cannot resist angst this good

[wwxsflutesolo]

"Chuuya. Come to your senses. Our fate will not end in a place like this. Because you and I are destined to—"

@/kedreeva// ernest hemingway - the old man and the sea// death cab for cutie - summer years// unknown// unknown// lidia yuknavitch - the chronology of water: a memoir// richard siken - saying your names// taylor swift - gorgeous// unknown// victor hugo - les miserables// jeanette winterson - lighthousekeeping// sylvia Plath - lady lazarus// margaret atwood - power politics// tory adkisson - Anecdote of the Pig//richard siken - planet of love, wishbone// ethel cain - hard times// margaret atwood - variations on the word love

[4ngel-inc]

𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐎 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐃𝐎𝐆𝐒 — 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐘 𝐒/𝐎 ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

notes: i'm just in the mood for fluff so here ya go !! ᰔ

warnings: none, just a little suggestive in some parts.

𝐃𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐈 has absolutely no problem giving you the attention you crave from him—he loves your surprise texts, your sweet doting, the way the last words that leave your lips every night are "i love you so much, osamu" as you fall asleep tucked under his arm. dazai actually loves the fact that you follow him around, asking him if you look pretty or if he likes your hair or outfit—he's learned your ways and you suit each other perfectly, he has a way of always knowing exactly what you need to hear. you cook for him often, hug him and kiss him always, practically drop to your knees each night he comes home from work, so eager to please him—you seem to pretty much always want your hands on him, and he's obsessed with your affectionate nature. there's not a single thing in the world that could convince him to let you go—he's that hooked on you. he never imagined he would find someone who loves him as much as you do, and the fact you always seek to have him as close as possible just makes him feel even more loved.

"mmm, get closer, 'samu."

"ha, i can't, darling—i've already got my arms wrapped around you."

"ugh, it's not enough, can you squeeze me a little tighter?"

"you're so cute, angel. how about i pull you onto my lap, that better? now you can stay and watch me while i do my work. i'll cuddle ya extra hard tonight, too, k?"

𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐔𝐘𝐀 doesn't really know how to accept the love you give him, or at least, that's how it is when you first start dating—as time passes, he starts to love the things you love about him, and his confidence grows for once in his life revolving around something other than his physical strength. your love language takes the form of performing sweet little acts of service for him—making him dinner, bringing him his coffee in the morning and rubbing his back when he's sore from a long day. he loves how you watch him when he gets dressed after a hot shower, your hand trailing down your body and he knows you're turned on just by watching him. but he stares at you just the same, watching as you brush your hair or apply your skincare at night—truthfully, he finds himself seeking you out throughout the house on his day off, finding you when you're cooking or watching tv and wrapping his arms around you, snuggling into you. he wishes he could find the courage to be as vulnerable as you—it's beautiful to him the way you love, the way you lean on him to make your day brighter, asking him to say "i love you" whenever you feel even a little neglected, and he finds himself even more eager to hear you say it back each time.

"hmm, what are ya thinking, sweetheart? you look pretty deep in thought."

"thinking about you, chu- you know that."

"ha- but i'm right here, princess."

"i know, 'm just thinking about kissing you again. you give the best kisses, c'mere? i want another one already."

𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐖𝐀 really appreciates how affectionate you are. he's still learning to express his own feelings, so having you be so vocal about what you want from him means there's less guesswork on his part. "baby, do you like this outfit? i feel a little awkward today, ugh." his compliments are always genuine, since he doesn't know how to be anything but honest, quite frankly. "of course, you look so pretty, love. do you not feel like you are?" "mmm, idk- i love hearing it from you, though." akutagawa also loves it when you make him little bento box lunches, snuggle up next to him when he's feeling weak, and massage his bruises from a long day at work. it doesn't seem like you're with him just because you're impressed by his ability, and it's refreshing to him—he's known as one of the strongest members of the mafia, but he sometimes feels valued only for his skill. it's just one part of him, and before he met you he wondered if anyone would ever care about what else he has to offer. he's grateful you care about what's on his mind and how he feels, what his fears are, what his greatest weakness is. you're teaching him a lot about himself, and he only hopes he does the same for you. you're like a comfy, cozy home to him—a refreshing breeze after years of heavy isolation and loneliness that almost crippled him.

"anything you want for dinner tonight, babe?"

"huh? no, i'm fine with whatever, i love anything you make."

"aku, you always say that, tell me what you want!"

"really? alright, let's order in, i'd rather just spend time with my arms around you. that is what i want."

𝐅𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐙𝐀𝐖𝐀 is quite solitary, he really prefers being by himself most of the time. however, when he made the decision to start dating you, he realized he'd have to open up a little, and he eventually finds that his desire to be free from the responsibility of a relationship is fading quickly. you got into a few fights during the start of your relationship, with him making a few (unintentionally) hurtful comments about you following him around everywhere. "i just want to be by myself for a moment, can i just relax for a few minutes?" yukichi is blunt and straightforward, and though you'd told him before you admire that about him, he knows it gets him in a bit of trouble sometimes, and it strains your relationship, as well. as time passes, though, he finds himself craving your touch more and more, and he's certainly grateful you stuck around during his transition period. he can't fall asleep without you next to him now, the sound of your breathing the greatest comfort to him. he knows he's a bit of a workaholic, but he comes home early at least once a week and brings you flowers and your favorite coffee, calling out to you when he enters your shared home.

"dear? i'm home."

"yay, you came home early again?!"

"ha- are you that excited, my love? i just saw you this morning."

"yes, of course! now i get to spend all night with you, i love doing that. i can't believe i get you all to myself tonight, yukichi!"

[stuffeddeer]

https://www.tumblr.com/stuffeddeer/734553783616536576/its-that-lurking-anon-again-please-forgive-me

Omg you answered that😭 I was genuinely worried you'd hate me for sending something so long 😭 I'm sorry about that but your response is great! I love discussing things with people, I hope you didn't mind it! 💖🥺

I definitely do see where you're coming from with him cheating but the reason I think he's less likely to is because as you said, the thing with Oda, he won't want to see someone hurt again, he won't want his love to be hurt again, he wouldn't want to go through that kind of pain again. It's quite obvious Dazai isn't stupid(I hope this doesn't sound like I'm saying you implied he is, I promise it's not like that!! I just realized how it might've sounded after re-reading it) and he's able to predict people around him's actions, he knows the impact certain things will have on the people around him, whether is be good or bad. He's able to know what they might do in certain situations, certain choices they'd make, emotions they'd feel etc and to me this means he'd know very well that whoever his love is, he'd know hurting them to the point where he betrayed them isn't gonna do anything but make them feel how he has in the past. I've researched into relationships where people have been cheated on in the past and many of them who have been so incredibly in love before the cheating, have felt quite literally like their entire life was ending because of this betrayal by their lover. Their pain is excruciating to the point where some may get PTSD symptoms and yes I know that might sound weird but a betrayal that big can be detrimental to someone's mental health. I don't think Dazai would want his lover to go through that kind of pain, Dazai knows the impact of a betrayal cuts deep and I actually think that if Dazai were to get a lover in the first place, that he'd get someone who obviously isn't average in personality, he's definitely go for an eccentric, probably someone like Oda, non judgemental, not much ego, someone who can surprise him even though he's not easily surprised, someone who can teach him new things. Someone he actually can trust and him giving someone his trust is a big feat for him and he'd probably never see himself letting go of this person nor hurting them. He would also probably keep his lover private.

More reasons I don't think Dazai would cheat is because in the past we've seen him break up with many women as Chuuya says "I'll send your address to all the women whose hearts you've broken." But the way I've seen this is in a few situations where him having a girlfriend or a relationship is brought up, he was very transparent when it came to breaking up with the women he was with. An example would be, the bomb that was used in Atsushi's entrance exam being sent to him by his ex girlfriend after she became obsessed with him when they broke up. Dazai talked about being very transparent with her and scolded her saying that it won't work out between them so she should stop with sending him bombs. I see him in relationships that he has no interest in continuing or pursuing, as being transparent and very honest instead of betraying their trust and moving onto someone else while being with them. It's implied a few times that he's had flings and he's the one who stopped it from getting too serious(I think that's another way he shields his heart).

Anyway so sorry if this is too long, I just wanted to clarify why I said I didn't think he'd cheat and believe me this isn't just me having wishful thinking, I enjoy analyzing characters a lot.

And thank you for the well wishes, I wish you well too, I'm doing better so thank you for that💖💖

i totally see the argument of him choosing to break up instead of stringing someone along and cheating on them! that's such an interesting way of viewing dazai, esp with the added reference of him tracking down the couple women he think would have left him a bomb (it was like his fourth call too does he have a type or smth..)

i agree in the sense that instead of cheating, he'd probably just apathetically break up w his date rather than continue to pretend he's interested... i feel like maybe he'd gauge the person he's with and if cheating would ruin them he'd know that and rather shoot them a quick text goodbye before sliding into someone else's bed. i still think he can be a bit sleazy from time to time, especially before joining the ada, though your viewpoint is interesting and appreciated!

andddd all of this delves into his more careless or ruthless nature, but he's probably had his fair share of kind and normal breakups!! i feel like i just spoke so negatively of him lol i love dazai promise <3

[cousticks]

what makes arthur rimbaud your favourite bsd character?

Alright this is the first of my set of asks I'm answering today. And also possibly my most fascinating. Rimbaud is a character I post a lot about, sure, but I'm really curious as to what makes you think he's my favorite? If anything, from my profile, I'd expect someone to assume its Verlaine.

Now, as to why he's a compelling character I like to write posts about? That I can certainly discuss. And its gonna be long, so I'll put a break in here.

Here's the thing. I don't anymore, but when I was first introduced to Rimbaud (when S3 came out) I absolutely hated him. This was back in 2019, but boy oh boy. That's the thing though, he still made me have a pretty strong emotional reaction, even then, before I'd even read the novel.

I want to detour for a second and talk about one of my favorite classes I've taken, with my favorite literature professor. The class itself doesn't matter here, but for it, we read Gone Girl. And if you've never read Gone Girl or seen the movie, all the context you need to know is that almost every single character in that sucks. They're all terrible people. And the next day I came into class literally stomping and screaming about how much I hated how it ended, and everything leading up to it. And my professor laughed and told the class about how after she'd seen the movie she was so mad about it she kicked a wall coming out of the theatre. She had the same reaction as me. And that's exactly why she taught that book. I still think about it often, because really, it was incredible how much emotion I got from it. I was downright pissed. And that's how I knew it was, in my opinion, well written, to get that much out of me.

Circling back to Rimbaud, I didn't really have as strong of a reaction as I did with that book, but he made me uncomfortable. I didn't like him. (I had similar progressions with Dazai, where I used to absolutely hate him, and with Verlaine as well after my first Stormbringer read.) A lot of the characters I originally despised are some of my favorites now. They get some emotion out of me, they give me a reaction, they catch my attention. Sometimes hate makes you think about something far more than more positive feelings do. (Even if that hate later converts into something kinder.)

Rimbaud... isn't my favorite, as far as which characters make me happy or so, but he's very very interesting to me and I do love to think about him. When you think about the grander scheme of BSD, we don't know the full backgrounds of a lot of characters, they just kind of show up as they are and we don't know much about their lives before the series. Rimbaud, we actually know a good deal, about how he had to give up his family and be presumed dead to work as a spy. He's also a little different, because we get a really interesting insight to his inner thoughts via his journal in Stormbringer. We don't get such an open, honest look into a character like that very often in this franchise. Between his lost, memory addled appearance in 15 and virtually his entire life fleshed out in Stormbringer, I didn't hate him anymore. He was interesting. There was so much to work with, and his own motivations and loyalties were fascinating. I made a post earlier about how sure, he tried to kill Chuuya (and Dazai in association) but really, both he and Chuuya were looking into Arahabaki for similar reasons, to unlock their past. All of the times we actually see Rimbaud, he's not that much different from a ghost, including at the end of Stormbringer when he's akin to an actual ghost, but we learn so much about him through his journals and Verlaine's memories.

He's lost, he's trying his best to figure out who he is based on what he could piece together, he's trying to find out what happened to the dear friend he thought he killed, he's likely been a spy during the Great War since his early teens, and he and Verlaine's entire story in the background of Stormbringer is such a special shade of tragic.

So, anon, I hope you kind of got your answer here about why I talk about Rimbaud so much. TL:DR, its hard not to when there's so much to talk about.

[wakanai]

Romantically speaking, which BSD character do you think it's more compatible with you?

hello cathy!!!

aaaaa thank you for this ask hehe! 🤭🤭

sorry it's a bit late. I try to take a break from tumblr sometimes (usually on Sundays) but yea 💞👍

I actually spent some time thinking about this yesterday.

and I came up with 2 answers.

1.)

(I so badly wanted to put a smiling picture of Odasaku but it's from pinterest and I'm not sure who the OG artist is so 😔)

but anyways!!!

Odasaku.

He strikes me as the 'ride or die' kind of friend. Whenever Dazai wants to do something crazy, Oda goes along with it and is SO CALM. He can be goofy with Dazai and Ango. In Dark Era, Dazai once drugged their food and when Dazai offered to cook again, Ango was like "NO!" but Oda was literally just like, "If it keeps you from getting tired, then it must be good."

Oda is a listener. He listens a lot and is VERY observant. He's good at understanding other people BUT he also doesn't act like he knows everything about them.

I like that.

Tbh I want more adventure in my life. I think Oda would be very good and understanding with me 🤭 If I think of doing something crazy, he might go along with it and help me. He's very calm even in stressful situations so that would help me a lot.

I'm also a listener-type-of-person so we would listen to each other. I'd listen to all his cool backstories and ask him questions about the book he's writing. We can help each other make stories haha.

He has low self esteem but I can support him and try to make him feel better.

I want him to treat me like how he treats Dazai.

Unless it's a life-or-death situation, he doesn't force Dazai to do anything. He's 100% honest and doesn't try to control Dazai or manipulate things. He's usually always on board and doesn't judge when Dazai says something crazy.

I want that. I don't want him to treat me like a kid/control things for me/lie to me and I want him to spoil me.

I think he's the type to remember everything even if it's just a small detail. 💞

Lastly, he's brutally honest but he says it in a calm, non-aggressive way.

Oda is also the kind of person who you can confront without worrying.

He's very caring and considerate.

I think we could work well together 👍

The next person is..

2.)

Nikolai Gogol!!!

I mentioned earlier that I want more adventure in my life.

Nikolai can definitely help with that 🤭

He's so chaotic, bubbly, and goofy!!

I like goofy people who are loud and make jokes.

Nikolai is VERY EXPRESSIVE when it comes to people he likes.

He doesn't get shy at holding Fyodor's hands or saying out loud in front of everyone that Fyodor is his << dearest friend >>

I like that! If he was my partner, he'd probably tell everyone about it and hug me a lot --- which I like 💗 (I really like hugs lol)

Besides being goofy and funny, He's also very philosophical.

We can talk together about the deep things of life ✨

Lastly,

with Fyodor, Nikolai continues to stay on Fyodor's side even though Fyodor doesn't respond with the same energy.

Sometimes I get drained or busy and I don't feel like responding right away.

Even if I seen zone Nikolai or send dry texts, he won't get mad at me and he'll be the same as always.

He's okay even if he cares about me more than I care about him.

My mom told me,

<< find someone who's more in love with you than you are with them so that you won't get hurt as much>>

Ik this may sound toxic to some but dw, I'll treat him better than Fyodor.

AND OFC -- I'll actually care about him. ❤️

It might be hard to connect with him at first because he is a criminal but I think he'd be fun (fictionally speaking) to have a relationship with.

Also..

I like clingy people but not *too clingy.*

Nikolai is clingy and he will always express to you that he likes you.

I like that and at the same time,

I like that he doesn't get mad when Fyodor doesn't act as clingy as him.

He still shows Fyodor affection even if Fyodor doesn't like him back lol.

*****

TLTR: Oda and Nikolai ❤️

***

Thank you for the ask!

I really enjoyed doing this :D

also I'm not really that toxic btw :")

I just don't like "clingy" when they get mad over little things like seen-zones or expect you to always be there for them.

that's all <3

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 5: One’s desires (Part 4)

Warnings: blackmail, mind control

Author notes: Ogawa being a girl for once didn’t seem like such a bad idea... What do you think? XD

The weeks passed, rather quickly. It was meaningful to say human life was spent within a blink; time had never fled so fast to me, although the fourteen first years of my existence had been dull, filled with boredom, to the point a second would seem like an hour to me.

The day of Mori-san's birthday approached, and Dazai-san looked more and more concerned about my own presence at the party. The lower men would definitely have their evening off to spend with their families while the executives and their second in command would enjoy the luxurious festivities with corrupted businessmen and politics; I, a mere lieutenant, was not supposed to be there, even though I was Dazai-san's protege. I wonder if his other subordinate, the "dog", had been invited as well. I had heard rumours about his strength but had never gotten the opportunity to meet him in person. Would we get along...? However, those thoughts were just a small matter in comparison to the problem I had on my hands; I looked horrible.

Any woman would want to dress up for a party, even more for a fancy event. Picking up her outfit and choosing her makeup according to her hairstyle were points a member of the feminine gender could not neglect, for appearance also represented who she was inside. A woman could not dress up in any way... But I... I was a hideous person, so thin the bones of my back and my ribs actually showed when I looked at my bare body in the mirror. Despite the sleep I had been granted, my eyes were still circled and my hair was completely colourless, as if it was not even alive. I gritted my teeth in front of the mirror, then resigned myself to wear my usual suit, which managed to hide the horrible thing I had for a body. I had no curve and my chest, due to long time starvation, was flatter than the usual. There was no way the ugliness I saw in the mirror could be covered up by a pretty dress and nice makeup. I would just end up shaming Dazai-san... Oh... No one expected a lowly lieutenant like me to look good anyway, as long as I wore something correct. I would just be there because the Boss had ordered me to. Even so, was it wrong to wish I could dress up, even for an evening...?

"You seem down, lately, Ogawa-kun." My superior noted when I entered his office in the morning.

"I can't pretend the contrary..." I sighed "Moreover, it is such a ridiculous reason..."

"Do tell me. I am so bored, you could make me laugh~"

"If you insist..." I cracked a smile "Actually, I am troubled by my outfit for the Boss' party... I can't pick one..."

"Too many choices~? Men have it easy, any suit can dress us up." He chuckled.

"If only...! It's just that... Nothing could suit me..." I confessed "But that's just a trivial matter, nothing involving life or death..."

"I must say, I thought you didn't care about such things." He told me "And to be honest, it is not 'trivial', as you would put it. It is not vital, indeed, but it is not trivial. If it is important to you, you have the right to be troubled over your outfit."

"Do you really think so...?" I was shocked by his reaction, not expecting his support the least.

"Of course. And I'm even going to help you by giving you advice. What about you go and see ane-san? She will most certainly be able to find you something."

"D-Dazai-san..." I could not help feeling grateful "Thank you..."

"Don't worry~ You'll be perfectly fine. Besides, you're okay as you are, so don't torment yourself too much." He smiled.

I felt myself blushing slightly upon hearing his words. Although he was just being nice... It was good to be complimented from time to time.

The day of the party, the very feminine executive of the Port Mafia accepted to take care of my appearance, not without stating it was a shame I had not come to see her earlier. She was one of the few women in the organisation and, although I had sometimes watched her taking part of a torture session, our relationship had remained strictly professional. I was not even aware that she had kept an eye on me all this time...

"You should eat more." She stated, taking a look at me "Does Dazai-kun not give you enough money to feed yourself?"

"That's not it..." I shook my head "I just... Don't use the money for eating..."

"Is that so...? That being said, there are rumours about a morphine addict in that boy's squadron. Do you know anything about it?" She asked.

She was terrifying. There was not a single thing happening in the Mafia that she did not know of and, despite not uttering a single word about these matters, she watched it all in the shadows. Even so, she also had a reassuring and mother-like presence which made me feel safe. I could tell she would not harm me in any way. Her hands stroked the skin of my cheeks as she examined my face, thoughtfully.

"Your eyes have a beautiful colour." She noted "It is very unusual. Who do you take after?"

"I'm not sure..." I admitted "Perhaps... My mother...?"

"What do you mean you are not sure?" She sighed "Whatever... Modern clothes won't fit. I'll find a suitable kimono for you. Besides, the obi makes a rather practical place to hide your gun. It'll be perfect."

"I don't know how to thank you... Helping me out like this... Whereas you must have much more important matters to take care of..."

"What are you saying?" She giggled "I really enjoy dressing you up like a doll. Besides, who said we were done~? There is a dozen outfits waiting for you to try them on~"

"Is... Is that so...?" I grimaced.

"Of course~ And we'll find the perfect one, believe me~"

After an afternoon of being wrapped in silk by ane-san, she finally made up her mind and accepted to give me a night blue kimono covered in colourful flowers. The sleeves were long, characteristic of the furisode worn by young unmarried girls and the obi was not tied too much so I could easily put a gun under it to defend myself. The executive smiled at me gently as she combed my hair with her delicate hands, doing her best despite its short length. Finally, she clipped in various hairpins and jewels to make it look better.

"You look very pretty." She complimented me "It was worth asking for my help, finally."

"Of course...!" I agreed, barely able to hide my joy "I am very grateful..."

"By the way, Ogawa-chan... Do you know what the flowers on your kimono mean? I'm afraid it might bother you..." She hummed.

I considered her question and lowered my eyes to study the patterns on the sleeves. They were red, scarlet flowers, splattered like blood on the silk. She had not asked such a thing innocently… I chuckled and a slight smirk made its way to my face.

"Higanbana..." I recognised them "Red spider lilies. It doesn't bother me, I am used to carrying death around me. I only fear the Boss may find it ominous, if anything."

"I'm sure he won't mind. I just realised, but that colour suited you so well..." She laughed softly.

"Of course it does, ane-san. What am I, but a murderer? Even makeup and a fancy attire can't hide that fact. But I do not care."

"We are flowers of darkness that can only bloom in the shadows. Our beauty shall not radiate in the sun, after all..." She patted my shoulders "Just let me paint your lips with rouge, then you'll be ready, Ogawa-chan."

"Thank you, ane-san. For everything."

She grinned.

"Our heart shall never soften, lest we want to fall apart."

Kōyō ane-san accompanied me to the party, dressed in a gorgeous red kimono which enlightened her naturally pale complexion. Thanks to her presence, I was noticed by only few curious people and could easily make my way inside the crowd of mafiosi and corrupted officials chatting, drink in hand. I took a deep breath and put a hand onto the gun, carefully put inside the obi. If anything were to happen, I could defend both myself and Dazai-san. There was nothing I had to fear, despite the feeling of uneasiness overwhelming me.

"Ogawa...? Oh, it really is you...!" A familiar voice greeted me from behind.

Calmly, I turned around and wore my most polite smile, before realising it was Oda-san. I relaxed my posture.

"Good evening." I nodded at him "Dazai-san told me he had invited you. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Not quite." He admitted, rubbing the back of his head "I'm not used to all of that..."

"The fanciness...?" I guessed "Neither am I... I must say, it is too much for the poor slum girl I am."

"Yet, you carry yourself so properly..." He remarked "Not that I am here to judge..."

"I originally come from a rich house." I recalled "I remember seeing my mother greeting some important guests. She wore a kimono too..."

"I see... You never talk about your parents."

"I never talk about the people I kill. I could speak about the plethora of cowards who deflected the Port Mafia as well, but they aren't interesting." I grinned.

"Oh..."

"My apologies, Oda-san... I know you do not kill... All that talk must have made you uncomfortable."

"I'm not... Uncomfortable. Only intrigued. Do you enjoy that work...?"

I frowned, taken aback.

"Do I enjoy it? Obviously I don't." I blinked "It's just work..."

"You don't seem particularly repulsed by it either."

"Is an office worker repulsed by paperwork?" I glanced at him.

"It happens... When there is too much."

"Then, the man is an idiot. Working is vital to earn money, and money is vital to live, although too much creates such greed human beings tend to become vicious." I sighed "Whatever..."

"I'm not sure to ever understand that way of thinking..." He shrugged it off.

"That's because you perhaps haven't lived in the shallows yourself. Surviving... This is my only way of living. I don't care about being immoral." I smiled.

"Yeah... I can see that. At least, you know that what you do is bad..."

"Who would think killing is good?"

"There is someone I know who doesn't quite make the difference between good and evil..."

"Oh, really? I wonder if we are not thinking about the same person..."

"What are you talking about~?"

We both became more cheerful upon seeing Dazai-san appearing in front of us with his carefree smile. I noted, amused, that he had not bothered getting changed at all, wearing his usual dark suit and his heavy coat I found so warm.

"Nothing important." I told him "Good evening, Dazai-san."

"Good evening, Odasaku, Ogawa-kun~ So you did go to ane-san. I'm glad she found something suitable." He said.

"Thank you." I felt my cheeks heat up the slightest.

"Do you want a glass of champagne?" He suggested as a waiter carrying a tray walked next to us.

I accepted and had a taste of the drink. I had heard it was expensive alcohol, produced in France. A single bottle of good champagne could cost hundreds of dollars and even more yen. I brought it to my lips. It was sweet, a tad bitter, but overall sweet. The bubbles made it a fresh drink, the perfect one for a fancy event like the one we were attending. I remembered when I was younger... The father used to import it to sell it in Japan to other rich businessmen. He would always keep one or two bottles for himself. He had done so for wine, too.

"So, are you enjoying yourselves~?" My superior asked us.

"I feel uneasy..." Oda-san admitted "I might go look for Ango."

"Oh, I'll reach you soon...!" He promised "What about you, Ogawa-kun?"

"I'm anxious." I declared without detour "Why was I invited...? I am a mere lieutenant, I don't have my place in there."

"You don't stand out." He chuckled "But, indeed, why were you invited...? I had a talk with the Boss, a moment ago, and he refused to tell me anything."

"I'm afraid we'll have to find out..."

"Good evening Dazai-kun, Ogawa-kun." A poised voice interrupted our talk.

We both turned around, and I bowed, automatically, feeling as though my back was being pushed down by some uncontrollable strength. The charisma emanating from this person, the imposing fear-inducing aura of his... It was far more powerful than Dazai-san's, and my whole being shook in fright before him. So, he was the Boss of the Port Mafia, Mori Ōgai-san... The merciless leader of this organisation...

"We've already seen each other." My superior was the first to raise and look at the Boss "Several minutes ago."

"Indeed. Ogawa-kun, you may raise. After all, you are my guest, tonight...~" He demanded.

I was paralysed. This was an order, I had to obey his order so I would not be punished, yet I... Was unable to even lift a finger. This man bore no good intention.

A glass fell down and cracked on the ground, waking me up from my dazed off state.

"Oh my, I'm so clumsy...~" Dazai-san chuckled as people came to pick up the shattered pieces of glass.

I immediately regained consciousness and smiled at Mori-san.

"It is an honour to have been invited, Boss." I said in a breath.

"Well, I wanted to introduce you to someone important, after all." He smiled back "Dazai-kun, how could you drop this precious crystal glass?"

"I hurt my hand with a knife earlier, and the pain loosened my grip."

He was lying, with a most casual smile. However, I could feel that those were no usual words. The Boss had easily deduced the executive had attempted to save me and was silently threatening him, with this fake, knowing and mischievous smile. I wanted to run away.

"Be more careful in the future." He advised, smug "Ogawa-kun?"

I hesitated upon taking his hand into mine, sensing that as soon as I would make contact with him, my fate would be sealed and I would not be able to go back on my words. Moreover... I was unsure whether it was permitted to touch the Boss of the Port Mafia. I sought approval from my executive.

"Yes, Boss..." I timidly obeyed, registering the nod from Dazai-san.

"So..." His voice lowered so I was the only one hearing him "You have no choice but to do as I say, now."

His fingers imperceptibly crushed mine, and I held back a gasp of pain.

"Whether you like it or not, you will use your ability for me. Otherwise, someone you care about will die. You know I cannot kill Dazai-kun, but I have my sources, and it seems someone miraculously survived the massacre of your family... Isn't it odd~?"

My heart skipped a bit, and I let the Boss drag me across the room, completely losing both composure and willpower. Ruriko-chan... How had he known? Then, again, he was the leader of this underground organisation, there was nothing he would not be aware of...

"If I reveal the truth to Dazai-kun, how will he react, do you think? He will be disappointed, he will toss you aside like a worthless pawn..." He smirked at me "We would not want that, would we~? Not after everything he did to keep you there~”

"N-No, Boss..."

I was in front of a child. He was small, had deep eyes lost in thoughts and held onto the ugliest plush toy I had ever seen. Mori-san let go of me to introduce us and slowly pushed the boy closer to me.

"This is Yumeko Kyūsaku-kun, call him Q. He is eleven and a member of the Port Mafia too, and has an ability involving breaking people."

Horrible. This man was horrible, and despicable. At eleven years old, how could he make this poor boy a member of an organisation...? It was insane. I felt as though I had stepped onto a mined ground.

"Hello, Q-kun..." I tried a friendly smile "My name is Ogawa Yōko, I am glad to meet you —"

As I was going to shake his small hand, I retracted immediately upon seeing the razor blade in the palm of his hand. What on Earth...?

"Oh, you noticed it, miss...!" He chuckled, much like a madman "Too bad, I can't show you madness~"

This boy was sick, too. He was mentally unstable, what was I even doing, talking to him? Around me, the silence had fallen, and hundreds of evil looks were turned toward us. People were expecting; what was the show Mori-san would create for them? What kind of twisted plot had the Boss planned to entertain his guests?

"What do you want from me...?" I glared at the Boss.

"That boy... Has troubles." He grinned "I do not quite understand what is in his mind, and I would simply like you to read his thoughts."

"Oh... Well..." I looked at Q-kun a moment "He's very glad to see the light, for once, and only wants to have fun... If I may, Boss, teaching a child to have fun with razor blades is not quite... Sane."

"We do agree about that, then. You see, Q has always been a peculiar child... He seeks joy in madness, his own and people's. But that's not our topic. Ogawa-kun, I'm afraid you misunderstood me." His eyes narrowed.

"Did I...?" My voice came out meekly.

"I have no interest in these useless and superficial thoughts. What I want to know is his inner desires. Because it is the true power of The Sweet Appeals, isn't it? Discovering one's deepest and secret desires...~"

My hands trembled uncontrollably in fear. What was he going to do to me?

"I... I don't quite control it..." I defended.

"I don't care about that. I need you to delve in Q's world, and you will."

Suddenly, someone pushed me against the boy. Quickly, I grabbed his shoulders to prevent us from falling on the floor, then knelt in front of him.

"Are you alright?" I inquired "Are you injured anywhere?"

Q-kun's innocent and dumbfounded face turned into a large smirk when he heard my question, and, with horror, I noticed his sleeves were reddening. I backed away, terrified. He had blades hidden on his arms as well, and I had unintentionally hurt him... Mori-san grabbed the ugly plush from the boy's arms, earning a displeased whine, and showed it to me.

"When that thing is torn up... That boy's ability turns on...~ So~? What will you be able to find in the world of madness, I wonder~? Oh and by the way... If you hurt any of my guests, I'll have you killed~ That being said..."

"Ogawa-kun...!"

The moment Dazai-san was about to reach us, guards restrained him and kept him farther. I was frightened. So much that I wanted to break into tears. What was going to happen to me...? I did not want to die...! My heart thumped in my chest and time seemed to slow down. All too brusquely, I saw the doll being torn in two.

Nothing happened, at first. Then, one by one, a mark appeared on the guests and they started attacking me. I remembered the Boss' words about hurting them, and did nothing. If I were to hurt them, even the slightest, he would take my life... The punch never came. Was that an illusion? It did not hurt. But still... Containing the part of me who wanted to counterattack was becoming harder as the seconds passed. What was I supposed to find in there, anyway...? There was nothing related to Q-kun, nothing I could hear about his thoughts, nothing at all... And how to get out of there? I started sobbing like a lost child. I wanted to go out. I wanted to be freed from that nightmare!

Something hurt. An attack. Somehow, it had touched me. I realised that, the more time I spent in the illusion, the less I had control on my own mind, and the more I would give in to madness. I groaned as the guests hit me, but did not try to defend myself. How to leave...?

"Stop it... Stop it... I beg you... Stop..." I cried "Someone... Someone...! Help...!"