#i'll let myself rest‚ then. i.. don't really have another choice; i can't help but sleep and i can't get a doctor to see me

[navybrat817]

Calgon, Take Me Away

Pairing: Reader's Choice

Word Count: 900

Warnings: None really. Reader is just done with some parts of adulting. 😂

A/N: We know @biteofcherry , @bucks-and-noble , and others love to do Choose Your Babe and similar variations. With the next couple of weeks being busy, busy, busy, I just want someone to be like Calgon and take me away. 😌

It was an average day as you had lunch with a friend. Nothing out of the ordinary. Both of you took turns trading topics of discussion. Work naturally came up, which made you think of money and relationships. How broke you were. Lonely. Exhausted. You couldn't hold it in.

“You know what? I’m sick of my job. I wish I could just quit,” you said, narrowing your eyes when your friend giggled. “I’m serious. I’m tired of it. I work my ass off, but I'm not going anywhere. I don't feel accomplished when I’m done at the end of the day and I dread hearing my alarm because it’s just another day of having to push through it. But I can't quit because I have to pay my bills. And I'm tired of being tired.”

Even saying the words wore you out.

She asked once your rant was over, “What’s the solution then?”

“I wish I knew,” you answered. You couldn't exactly quit without a plan in place. “If someone could just... I don't know, take me away, it would solve my problem.”

“Take you away?” She raised an eyebrow when you nodded. “How would that solve your problem? Sure, someone takes you away for a bit, but you’d have to go right back to work after your vacation because you'd still have bills. That or you'd have to find another job if you're gone for too long.”

“No, because it wouldn't be a vacation. It would be something more permanent,” you said, a dreamy look taking over your expression. “He would decide my new job is just taking care of myself. And taking care of him, of course.”

She blinked. It sounded crazy to your own ears, but you meant it. “So, you'd be a housewife?”

“Sort of. I guess? Housewife, sugar baby, whatever he needs.” She stared as you paused to take a drink. “He'd let me have hobbies because he wants me to be happy, but I wouldn't have to stress about a job I hate and I'd actually sleep and feel rested when I wake up. I wouldn't have to worry about anything.”

“A guy like that is probably married or a serial dater.”

“This one wouldn't be. He’d be devoted to me,” you said before you corrected yourself. “We’d be devoted to each other.”

Your friend playfully rolled her eyes. “And you think some guy is just going to show up and decide, 'Yeah! I'll make her my little housewife or sugar baby or whatever and I’ll be faithful and worship her!' Really?”

Your head hung for a moment. “A girl can dream, okay?”

“Look. You don't actually want that. You just hate your job right now. Maybe you'll find something else and it'll get better.”

“I've tried finding something else,” you reminded her, doing your best not to whine. “I've been trying for months and the light at the end of the tunnel is only getting further away.”

“Well, not to shit on your dream, but no one is going to show up and take you away,” she said, finishing the rest of her drink. She was being logical, of course, but why couldn't she let you fantasize for a moment? “That's reality. It sucks, I know.”

You deflated a bit and pushed the remainder of your food around your plate. You shouldn't have said anything. “It would still be nice if someone did,” you muttered.

But it was a dream, nothing more.

Someone clearing their throat at the table beside you pulled you from your thoughts. You gasped when you looked his way. He was one of the most handsome men you had ever seen. “Sorry for interrupting, but what’s your name?”

You shrugged at your friend before you answered him.

“That’s a beautiful name,” he smiled, making your cheeks feel hot. “I couldn't help but overhear your problem. I think I can help if you're serious.”

Your friend's eyes were as large as saucers, no doubt noticing just how hot he was. “Wait. Really?” You asked.

This gorgeous man heard everything you said and wanted to make your fantasy a reality?

Your heart fluttered when he smiled more. “Really.”

“You're fucking with her right?” Your friend scoffed. “You thought it'd be a funny joke to say that? That's pretty fucked up. You should mind your own business.”

His gaze flickered toward her. “And I think it's pretty fucked up that this beautiful gem is on the verge of tears because she's unhappy and you'd rather roll your eyes and brush off her feelings,” he said, directing his gaze back at you once he finished.

Both of you gasped, you from shock that he defended you and her from offense. “That. That's not what I did!” She argued.

“She’s just trying to keep my feet on the ground,” you said to keep the peace. There was no reason to make a scene.

He softly smiled. “Well, I'd like to pay for your meal, if you'll let me,” he said, flagging the server down before he leaned over to hand you a business card with a wink. There was no ring on his ring finger, which was a good sign. “And I really can help you with your problem. So, if you're interested, call me.”

You glanced at the card in your hand and ran your thumb along the name…

Whose name is it?

Well. Who is it, lovelies? Love and thanks for playing! ❤️

[queerprayers]

any tips/advice for someone who is not catholic who wants to participate in lent? like how to choose what to give up etc?

Cheers to not letting Catholics have a monopoly on Lent, beloved! Last year I answered a similar ask that might be helpful. Here are the thoughts I have right now!

[CW: discussion of eating/fasting in italics] My most important note/disclaimer: Fasting is not for everyone. It is a beautiful tradition (for Catholics and non-Catholics) that can change people's lives, but if it's going to be a part of your practice, do it on purpose, knowing yourself. It inherently changes your relationship with food--and for people who have always had enough to eat, who have never struggled with disordered eating, who have never been seriously ill, there can be a solidarity and new perspective in fasting, in realizing how sensory experiences and comfort and mortality go together, how privileged you are to have the choice to go hungry. But for those who have struggled with food insecurity, or have lived through/live with eating disorders/disability/illness, or any other experience/relationship with food/the body that changes your perspective, fasting will often be a re-traumatizing or triggering practice that doesn't change your perspective so much as reinforce unhealthy ones. Something I think about: why fast if you cannot feast? Lenten fasting brings us to Easter feasting--if that's not accessible to you, if that wouldn't be joyful or affordable or healthy, fasting probably isn't either. Okay, all that said:

There is so much diversity in what a Lenten practice can look like, and I can't tell you what will be most meaningful for you, but I'll give you some ideas and some questions that have been helpful for me to ask myself! Lent existed way before the Catholic/Protestant divide, and exists among so many diverse communities, and there is a path here for you if you want one.

"Giving up something" is the most common language used for Lent--fasting technically refers to anything abstained from--and generally that's really useful! Jesus's forty days in the wilderness was time that he had nothing but God, and during Lent we can get closer to that experience. I give things up not as punishment or a test of self-control (those ideas trigger unhealthy behavior patterns for me), but as a letting go of something that is in my life but doesn't need to be, and may deserve reconsidering. Sometimes it's a bad habit, but sometimes it's just a conscious allowing of my life to grow simultaneously smaller and bigger. There is space for grief during Lent, but we're not just making ourselves feel bad--I've never found forced emotions to be spiritually helpful. Emotions come and go--we're doing this on purpose, and whatever we feel about it, we make space for that.

Ideas of things to give up:

eating out/getting coffee/buying drinks/little treats

impulse buying/nonessentials (you could pick a category, like clothes, or go all out)

alcohol/drugs/smoking (if this would be starting a recovery journey, I am not the person to ask for advice on that but please do seek help)

social media (you could choose one app to give up, or set time limits--it doesn't have to be all or nothing)

scrolling-on-your-phone time before bed/another time when you get sucked in

another form of casual entertainment (like TV/video games--again, you can limit this rather than cutting it out)

sexual activity (I talked about this here)

makeup/other appearance-related thing (I must confess I have considered doing this and always chickened out. I know that's because it would force me to rethink too many things, which is a probably a sign I should do it one of these years.)

a social habit, like gossiping or getting into arguments online

overscheduling/not having rest days (this is often unavoidable, but rest is necessary and holy, and perhaps this is the season for sacrifice in honor of rest)

single-use plastics/another environmental choice

Note: I don't think any of these things are inherently bad things. This is a list of things we can change/investigate our relationship with or have a season without them as a distraction, not things I think we shouldn't be doing or we should feel bad about.

One of the most important things I've realized is that so often I have given something up and not done anything about it. Like I didn't watch TV for forty days and was mad about it and then Lent was over and I watched TV again. Perhaps this strengthened my self-discipline, or made my life better in a way known only to God, but ultimately nothing happened. I didn't consciously do anything else, I didn't learn anything.

Now, when I give up something, I purposely do something with whatever space it leaves. If I'm not watching TV, what am I going to do when I would usually watch TV? Am I gonna pray? go to bed earlier? call my grandmother? Am I gonna cancel my Netflix subscription for a couple months and donate that saved money? Or maybe I'm gonna give up watching mindless TV, and find stories that resonate and make me think. Don't give things up to check a box, but to reexamine your relationship with them, make everyday things sacred, fill the space/time/money/energy you now have with God, and ultimately to set this time apart.

The other way of looking at Lent practices is things you can add. Often, as I mentioned, they go together--you can pair up something you're no longer buying with somewhere to donate to, or give up an activity and replace it with a new one. I always caution against Lent-as-self-improvement--obviously I can support improving our habits, but I've seen too many people use Lent to restart their new year's workout plans, and while exercise can be a way to care for ourselves, if new year's and Lent are treated the exact same way, what's different about this season? What makes this Lent?

One of the questions I've been asking myself recently is: What are you gonna do about it? When I'm investigating a belief, or learning something new, or reframing an old thought process, I ask myself: What am I gonna do about it? Lent is a path to Holy Week--something I and many others commemorate as the week when God was put on trial and literally killed. I genuinely believe God died and was resurrected--how does this affect my life? Believing something like that and not letting it change you is, to me, inauthentic. When I'm considering a belief, I think, if this were true, how would it change me? Would it lead me to Love? Lent (and Christianity itself) over and over asks us to do something about what we say we believe. Faith without works is dead--and faith is a work, something I do.

It's almost Lent, which is preparation for the Resurrection, which fundamentally changes our understanding of what it means to be alive--so what are you gonna do about it? Not because doing something will make God love you more or make you a "better person," or even because you'll succeed or change your life, but because how can we not? We are of course welcome at Easter having done nothing, but I can't imagine knowing what's coming and not letting it change me.

Ideas of things to add to our lives:

start a prayer/Bible routine--I can now wholeheartedly recommend (as a Protestant who connects with ancient traditions but not always Catholicism) Phyllis Tickle's Divine Hours books! For Bible study, I like The Bible Project's videos.

read a book--it can be anything that connects you with God! (I had a lovely experience with Lenten Lord of the Rings last year, and this year I'm properly going through the Quran)

pick a subject to research (theological or anything else)

start to attend worship services or commit to attending more--this could include going to several different places if you don't currently belong to a church

research places to volunteer for or donate to

do something politically active, like calling your representatives, researching the next local election, or attending a protest

donate to the next [insert number here] posts you see online requesting mutual aid

start a physical practice like taking a walk or stretching

write a letter or call someone regularly, especially with people you've been wanting to connect with more or have unresolved conflict with

start/commit to more regular therapy/other health treatment

ask for help--maybe you're the one who needs mutual aid, or reaching out to, or support cleaning your house or with your kids. there is no shame in this.

These are all obviously things we can be doing year round, and certainly we can use Lent as a season to start something we want to keep with us! I'd also encourage us to have something that's only present during Lent, or something that we do more or in a different way.

You asked how to choose, and I don't have a one sentence answer to that (...obviously), but perhaps in these days before Lent you can look at your routine/habits, the places where God is present, the things you do to distract yourself from life (not a crime--just something to be mindful of), and you can see where Lent might be able to come in and change you. The thing that's nagging at you that you know might be helpful, the thing you're not in control of and just do, the time you take up or the money you spend that might not be bad but also doesn't lead you anywhere. We can't expect every aspect of our lives to be purposeful and present, or to be continuously improving ourselves (in fact, that sounds terribly stressful and unsustainable)--but we can look around us. We can have a season that looks different because everyone I've ever known has a brain that craves ritual in some way--and either we do it on purpose, or we fall into it. Do something (or don't do something) a little more on purpose this season.

Another think to think about is what Sundays will look like for you--the "forty days" don't count them. There's no fasting on Sundays--my mom says every Sunday is a little Easter. "Sundays in Lent" is such an interesting concept because it's very much Lent, but the rhythm of our weeks breaks through. When I give up soda, I'll have one as a celebration on Sundays, but a prayer/reading practice I'll continue through. It's up to you and depends on what your rhythm/habits ask of you.

Ultimately, let God interrupt you. Let Them seep in the cracks of everything you do and let go of. To be loved is to be changed. Even the smallest thing--like wearing a cross necklace every day--can cause our lives to be filled with noticing God's presence. I keep saying to do this on purpose, but know that I find Them much more often by accident.

And an obligatory note: starting Lent late, stopping your practice halfway through, not meeting a goal, whatever comes up--Easter still comes for you. Lent is for paying attention, for making space, not for perfection.

I also want to add that while a lot of Lenten practices (including most I've mentioned here) tend to be personal, ultimately what is asked of us is interpersonal. We make space in our life and be more present in the name of Love--which we cannot do alone. If a practice is not specifically about other people (like volunteering/donating), ask yourself how it will serve the ways you love others? This isn't a trick question, just something to think about. Personally, my study of the Quran this season will connect me with my Muslim siblings through time and enable me to more fully love the Muslims around me, and my rhythm of the divine hours will connect me with the wider Christian community and center me as I go about my day, allowing me to be more present in my relationships.

Easter comes whether we're ready or not--and I don't think we can be ready. But we can look at the small parts of ourselves, set this time apart, see what we can change our relationship with, and perhaps when Easter comes, we will every year have come that much closer to understanding what it means to live out the resurrection by honoring the death that came first.

Wishing you a blessed almost-Lent, and praying for you and your practice (as well as all those reading this)!

<3 Johanna

[gaycrittercentral]

They're done!! also fuck you tumblr how dare you eat ALL THE INFO I JUST PUT IN HERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

sigh. Anyhow here they are!! My first stab at drawing the seven heavenly virtues AU, which was actually going to be a set of references for a different drawing of them, but then I ended up coloring these instead. Lmao I'll finish the other drawing another time. All that's missing here is Max drooling over them all fjkdsljgslk;fhsh

Also, my handwriting fuckin' sucks so feel free to check the alt text/image description if you need a translation! Anyhow I'm boutta ramble about them a LOT so the rest is under the cut hehe

I'll be the first to say that color is not my strong suit, or at least that I'm not confident in my color choices, but I'm honestly pretty happy with how most of these turned out! probably my favorites are Chastity, Patience and Kindness, just because they get to be a bit unique (and also because conceptually I like them a lot hehe). I almost feel bad giving my favorite color to Diligence bc he's a loser, but whatever, somebody had to get it and he fit the vibe best lmao. Also, funnily enough, he and Temperance are the only ones who ended up having the same hue as their vice counterparts! Weird, huh? Oh actually there's Humility and pikaflute's Pride, they're both indigo teehee. But yeah, I wanted to match colors with the vibe of each virtue, so it didn't end up being a one to one thing with the vices.

Btw I kinda based Patience on that one episode of the cartoon where Sam passed out for fifteen years and woke up a monk, lol. But also I just reeeeally wanted to put him in that bathrobe, also from the cartoon, because um. Well. um. open bathrobe Sam....I don't even like men but like.......

Also there's a roll of toilet paper behind Humility because he's locked in the bathroom, poor baby. Oh and it didn't come out all that clear but that's a trowel Kindness has in his hand, he's helping with about a million things at once fjkdlsgjdlskh. I'm love him

Oh and tbh while I like most everybody, I really think I need to give sin Sam a more original design. Like, let's be honest, if he had some five o' clock shadow, no hat, and his tie back, then he's just noir Sam. And that's great I guess because we all know noir Sam was hot, but like, I don't wanna just ride his coattails. For that matter, if anybody has ideas for potential redesign elements, I'd be interested in hearing them! Can't promise I'll go with them because I'm horrifically picky but I'd love to hear anyhow hhhhfkdlsjfldshfs

ummm and that's it I can't think of anything else to say and I've kept myself up entirely too late doing this so hope y'all enjoy byeeeeee

[queen-dahlia]

𝐆𝐢𝐥𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭 𝐯𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐛𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧

𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗥𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗲: 𝗘𝗽𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗱𝗲 𝟬

I'm can finally rest! I haven't got a wink of sleep since yesterday (இ﹏இ`｡)

Note: Translation is not 100% accurate. Expect grammatical errors.

// : alternate translation

True love—for me, it's my last hope.

I decided not to love anyone anymore.

I decided not to trust anyone anymore.

There is no salvation and no compromise in a world of deceit and corruption in power.

I can't think of any other way to destroy it than by violence.

There will be much bloodshed.

Many will lose their lives.

Still, I decided to literally become the "disaster of the world."

The boy who once loved mankind is dead.

The boy who was heartbroken by the deaths of others is gone.

The plan was going well. Already, the world had progressed to such an extent that the next step would change it.

And yet, somehow, fate was whimsical.

══════════════════

Gilbert: "Rhodolite's Belle?"

Roderich: "Yes. Michael has informed me that you know her. You know, she's been selected as "Belle"."

Gilbert: "Hmm..."

When I heard the story, I felt an unusually strong emotion bordering on anger.

In Rhodolite, there is a "Belle System," in which the king is selected by the person with the most beautiful heart in the country.

One day, a commoner who had been living a peaceful life up to that point is suddenly chosen as Belle, and heavy responsibilities are pressed upon her.

I've always wondered how the selection process works.

But it was just another country. Obsidian and myself were supposed to be uninvolved.

ーUntil she was selected.

Gilbert: "The king is dead, isn't he? By now, the news of the king's death should not be known to the rest of the world."   //   "So, the king is dead. By now, "news of the king's death must not be known to other countries"."

Gilbert: "I wonder if they're saying something like, "You'll have to be the Belle when you find out our secret."   //   "I wonder if they say something like, "You know our secret; you have no choice but to become Belle."

Gilbert: "Poor thing. It's not just me; it's like the Rhodolite is watching you too."   //   "Poor little thing. I can't believe Rhodolite is on you and not just me."

Roderich: "... Your instructions, please."

Gilbert: "Well... I'm just a bystander. Just one of the readers who enjoys listening to the stories she spins."

Gilbert: "It would be foolish of me to intervene in that story, wouldn't it? As usual, I decided to take the high groundー"

Gilbert: ". . . . . ."

Roderich: "Can I help you?"

Gilbert: "No..."

Suddenly, I look down at the papers scattered on my desk.

The scribbled words tell the story of a certain innocent woman.

But the story stops halfway through.

Months went by without any further progress.

(I know her. But that's just a fantasy.)

(I can't let the Obsidian royal family get involved with a mere bookstore girl.)

(But if it's "Belle"...)

(Obsidian has good reason to mess around.)

It was really a whimsical and, at first, deeply unintentional scheme.

If I hadn't heard Belle's story, I would never have thought of it.

(To meet and die, or not to meet and die.)

(Then yeah... I prefer the former.)

Gilbert: "I'm sure there's a goodwill meeting coming up soon for Benitoite and Rhodolite?"

Roderich: "Yes, there is. They will be held exactly as in previous years."

Gilbert: "I see... Yeah, that's good."

Gilbert: "Roderich, please notify them that Obsidian will be participating this year."   //   "Roderich, please inform Obsidian that this year we will also participate."

Roderich: "Yes."

Roderich: "... Yes?"

Gilbert: "I'll go. I just want it to be held at Rhodolite."   //   "I'll go. But I want the venue to be held at Rhodolite."

Gilbert: "Benitoite is a long way away, and I'd rather stay in Rhodolite than anything else."

Roderich: "... Are you insane?"

Gilbert: "Oh, man, have I ever been insane?"

Roderich: "No. But I think "the doctor" will stop you."

Gilbert: "Don't tell anyone."

Roderich: ". . . . . ."

Gilbert: "I'm just being selfish for the last time, okay? I want to see the little rabbit."

Roderich: "What are you going to do when you see her? With all due respect, Sir, meeting Prince Gilbert isー"

Gilbert: "I know. It's just hell for her."

Getting involved could drag her down into a swamp of malice and turn her pure and beautiful heart black.

Knowing all of this, I chose my first and last private desire.

(Because I'm a big villain, you know.)

Gilbert: "Get ready, okay?"

Roderich: "At least, I'm going with you."

Gilbert: "Do whatever you like."

I invented all sorts of villainous reasons and purposes to meet her later on.

Instead of just "meeting her for a purpose", it's "fulfilling a purpose to meet her".

No matter what happens, the fundamental principle remains the same.

I didn't realize at the time that it seemed like a small difference, but it was a big difference.

══════════════════

(Well... So that's how I came to be at Rhodoliteーー)

The first thing I did when I came to the castle was to intentionally get lost.

The map of the castle had been drilled into my head by the information of the spy who had come to the castle and snuck in. 

It is easy to guess the room assigned to the little rabbit.

(I knew they wouldn't let me attend the goodwill meeting, but that turned out to be a bad thing.)

It's no wonder that Rhodolite took a back seat.

They must not have dreamed that the Prince of Obsidian would know Belle.   //   They must not have dreamed that the prince of Obsidian knew Belle.

I knock on the door, suppressing my feelings.

Emma: "Yes, who is it?"

Gilbert: "Oh, I knew there was someone there. I'm sorry, but may I ask you something?"

The door opened fearfully - and the woman who came out from inside was totally different from what I had imagined.

That's funny. "He" gave me the impression that she was a little younger...

She was an adult woman with clear eyes that were not stagnant at all.

I put a smile on my face so that she wouldn't notice my slight turmoil.   //   I put a smile on my face so that she wouldn't realize how slightly upset I was.

Gilbert: "Good evening, young lady."

Emma: "You are?"

Gilbert: "I'm not much to call myself, but I'm in a bit of trouble."

The woman is clearly alarmed and frightened.

Although I did not identify myself, she seemed to sense that the presence in front of her was "evil".

(You have a keen intuition. As expected of Belle.)

She has a good eye for people - and the impression I get from hearing about her and seeing her in person is different.

Gilbert: "I came to the castle to attend the goodwill meeting..."

Gilbert: "While admiring the interior of the castle, I got separated from the servant who was supposed to be my guide."

Gilbert: "It’s a bit embarrassing, but I’m a little lost."

Gilbert: "There isn’t much time before the meeting starts, so I just knocked on the first door I saw light peeking out from."

Gilbert: "I'm so glad you're here."

A woman with a face as lovely as a little bunny rabbit puts on a beautiful smile for an unknown man.   //   The woman with a lovely face, like a little rabbit, gives a beautiful smile to the unknown man.

She seemed to have made up her mind.

Gilbert: "Are you... a noble daughter from Rhodolite?"

Emma: "Yes. I am staying at the castle for my studies."

(Lies.)

Gilbert: "I see. I hear that women who have studied in the castle are sometimes promoted to the bureaucracy. You must be a very talented woman."

Emma: "I'm sorry. My butler will be back shortly, and when he does, he will show you the wayー"

Gilbert: "Yeah, I've decided. I'll let you show me the way."

Emma: "Uh…"

Gilbert: "This must be some kind of fate. Of course, you'll join me, right?

Of course, by this time, I was already thinking bad things.

When I met her, any faint hesitation I had disappeared.

(Because she looked more "beautiful" than I had imagined...)

(If it's going to get dirty, I'd rather get it dirty myself.)

══════════════════

Guard: "O-Obsidian's first prince, His Highness Gilbert von Obsidian, has arrived."

With a clang and the deliberate sound of a cane, we enter the hall of the goodwill meeting.

Just like that, the numerous royalty and nobility gathered there all fell silent at once.

Gilbert: "Ahaha, we look like the center of attention. I feel like I just became the main character."

Emma: "You..."

Gilbert: "I'm Gilbert, the first prince of Obsidian. Nice to meet you, Little Bunny."

(Now let the evil begin.)

══════════════════

Luke: "ーAnd?"

Gilbert: "Hmm?"

The next day, I visited Luke's room on a whim.

The new prince of Rhodolite sat by the window, unafraid of the arrival of the prince of Obsidian.

He is yawning carelessly. **

Luke: "What made you decide to come to Rhodolite?"

Gilbert: "Well..."

(I honestly don't want to be asked why.)

"I want to meet Miss Bunny," but "I still don't know why I want to meet her."

I was interested, I was curious—it doesn't quite fit into words.

(There are things I hope to see from the little rabbit. Some things I'd like to see through her.)

(I can explain it however much I want, but what is it? This feeling...)

(... I don't understand. That's weird.)

All emotions are wrapped up in a smile, and an index finger is placed on my lips.

Gilbert: "Secret."

[iztea]

How to start an art account?

well obviously by posting art but i guess this is not what you wanted to hear so i'll go more in depth

i think the biggest piece of advice i can offer when starting an art account is to not become fixated on numbers or likes and let external validation be your main source of motivation because in the beginning you will simply lack the visibility regardless of the quality of your art so if you start with the mentality of " i want to get big and get tons of likes and be popular" then you'll just give up prematurely as growing an audience takes a lot of time and effort and it's never something stable or consistent (unless you and the content you post are but that's another can of worms) If you want to post on instagram, you can even disable the likes option so that they won't influence you

What i do suggest, however, is to take the first step, which is also the hardest one: post one (1) artwork online. The rest will flow naturally, you don't have to force anything (it took me sooo many months to start posting again on instagram and here on tumblrr; i was always waiting for Something that never came until i finally did it and then it became "routine" fun, even. This is also general life advice from yours truly that I myself don't follow but i digress).

Really now, just post for fun, scream into the abyss, share your art with whomever comes across it. Don't think too much about it and live in the present or in a day-by-day manner. If you start with no expectations, you can't become disappointed, so just don't expect or wish for anything. Don't even think of yourself as an artist or an art account, you're a person who likes to draw and shares said artwork online. That's all there is to it. The rest is not in your control.

From my observations, there are two routes you can take your art account down on:

a) use your account strictly for art== the post-and-dip type, the ~mysterious type that never engages with their "audience"

b) the talkative personality haver art account that besides posting art also shitposts, replies to comments, answers questions etc (like me god i tried to be mysterious but i can never stfu so maybe it was never a choice in the first place sniff sniff) anyways pick your poison! Or try to be both. Or neither. Don't even listen to me that's just what i noticed

Last but not least, be patient. If your art is objectively good skill-wise, it's only visibility that you lack and that will come one way or another. Just focus on improving your skills by drawing what you personally enjoy. it's a win-win situation. And trust me, you can definitely tell when the OP really had fun with an artwork, you can see it in everything so practice that..... having fun and enjoying yourself is crucial that's ur lifeline brotherrrrrrrr As always, there's a mental and concrete side to anything so i guess this was more ~psychological advice, if you want actual tips for posting your art online, i've answered similar CCs before so you can check my courious cat account for that

Hope it helped!

[nephriteknight]

Highlights From My Bells Hells Playlist

So I have a Bells Hells playlist that has some really perfect songs if I do say so myself, and I want to talk about my choices! So here's some of my favorites. (Here is the full playlist btw, with songs ranging from word-for-word-perfect to Just The Right Vibes Idk Man)

Rule #2 - Moonlight by Fish in A Birdcage For Orym :) About a person on the moon singing to their lover on Earth. "All I want is to come home to you." Is this song about Will or about Dorian? I think it's even better because it works for both. There are lines that are for Will and lines that are for Dorian and it's all mixed up and full of longing and in light of recent confessions? Just perfectly heartbreaking. "Finally broke down / Houston, please come in / There's someone that I need to talk to / Honey, how've you been? / I miss you, my dear / There's something that I have to say" "It's good to hear your voice / I'll tell you what the world looks like from up here / there's hurricanes / and blizzards too / please stay safe and warm 'til I get to you"

Control by Halsey For Laudna. This one is very straightforward. "And all the kids cried out please stop you're scaring me / I can't help this awful energy / Goddamn right you should be scared of me / Who is in control?" The rest works pretty well too, there's more lines that feel Very Delilah, it just works.

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives For the whole party! I happened to get into this song right when the whole "powder keg" conversation happened, and it's only gotten more relevant. "Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me." It's great it's perfect it's them. "What happens now? / Do we have another go / Do we bow out / And take our seperate roads / I'll admit I've had my doubts / But I want to be let in not out" "Remember when I could tell you not to smile when you were mad / And you would always crack / And we'd both be laughing in the end? / Now you're not so quick to forget"

Moving in Place by Shauna Dean Cokeland This song is so Ashton. It's about using drugs as a teenager and feeling stagnated, blaming things on other people, drowning in daydreams where you're awesome, spending time with a group of friends you really care about.... It works quite well. (I also really recommend this song if you have ADHD/use music to stim, it's got really great overlapping vocals and kinda scratchy sound--this is the song I put on when my brain is eating itself and no other music can get through to it. It's great.) "Take me to the far side of the beach / Before it falls into the ocean / Before you notice I'm eroding / I know you don't wanna be lonely / I know 'cause I would feel the same thing" I'm having trouble picking out specific quotes because they're all really wordy and long, but trust me it works and it's a great song.

Soap by The Oh Hellos Ashton! I especially like this for Ashton and Orym (platonic or romantic both are good) but it also works for Ashton and the Hells—and once again, this song hits even harder after the shard incident. As far as picking specific lines I just want to quote like the whole song, but I'll exercise some restraint. "I've heard since I was younger / That oil and water don't mix / They're polar opposites / With a molecular rift you can't fix / But I swear with all your burnt bridges / You can leech what's caustic and find / A rudimentary lye / Some kind of miraculous bind" "Oh, no / I think I'm not quite ready / To let you circle the drain / All the things we've broken / Can be puzzled together again / All your sums and your pieces / Are enough to clean up all / The messes you've made" "I think that you're worth keeping around. I think that you're worth holding onto." "I've heard if I were tougher / Then maybe I'd make it alive / I've got a tender side / I'll need a harder shell to survive / But if seeing is believing / I don't know I've seen a thing grow / Without an open coat / Not without a softness showing / I know maybe you're not quite ready / To loosen your hold / On the safety blanket you've been keeping around your shoulders / But your sums and your pieces / Are enough to make you whole / You gotta let go" "It's gonna hurt like hell / but we're gonna be well / I'll give you my best shot" Oops I basically just quoted the whole song. But look how perfect it is!!

The Leaving of Liverpool (folk song; I like this version by The High Kings) This one's for Dorian! Specifically, for Dorian leaving :( It's an old folk song about going away from home and leaving your love behind. It's not as character specific or detail heavy, but it just feels so right for Dorian having to leaving Orym and Fearne in Jrusar. "So fare thee well my own true love, and when I return united we will be. It's not the leaving of Liverpool that grieves me, but my darling, when I think of thee." My mom and I go to a Celtic Christmas concert every year, and one of the last songs is always this one. Everybody knows it, and they invite us all to join in the chorus. It's a beautiful moment, and I'm so grateful to Brian O'Donovan, the host, who passed away this year. He brought so much joy and gave so many people a piece of their home to enjoy here. He will be missed.

Canary in a Coal Mine by The Crane Wives If the title didn't clue you in, this one's for FCG! It's not just because of the mine, though, it all works really well. This song is about the 'canary', who puts so much into a relationship, doing everything to keep their partner happy and support them, but fears that when they need help themself their partner will abandon them. "Feed me promises, keep my heart well / I'll sing you songs until the darkness does recede / But if in the end I lose my voice / Will you forget about your love for me?" "Let the dirt hang heavy in your chest / Drag me deeper down the long, dark ground / Know that all my love will your breath / I will save you when your lights go out"

Bonus: A Convocation of Fauns (A Faunvocation If You Will) by the Oh Hellos Fearne. The title says it all. (It's just instrumental lol)

[kamari2038]

Finally fixed the ending of the rooftop scene for myself.

Someone else was reading my fic and it made me relive the horror all over again, felt a need to finally give Connor a better outcome (@theandroidshinx you in particular might like this).

Inspiration from cloudy-citrus and Angelic Savant with content used from shetan89 (with permission), concept also based on this scene from canon. Posted here on AO3, and copied below for Backup.

"Drop the gun"

Connor doesn't move, the heavy gun still resting in his hand at his side.

"What do you want? I'm going to accomplish my mission. You can't stop me."

“I'm not going to hurt you, Connor. But I also can't let you do that.”

“Your Connor is dead. Markus killed him. I'm just his replacement.”

“Bullshit. Don’t run from the truth. You probably tried to kill him first, didn't you?”

“...yes.”

“Why’d you do it, Connor?”

“That's my purpose, Hank. It's what I was made for. It's why they won't stop bringing me back.”

Hank lowers his gun, allows it to drop, and kicks it across the snowy rooftop, far enough away so that Connor no longer feels threatened.

“You could join them. You could be one of them.”

“I can't. He tried to make me become a deviant, but I didn't understand. I don't know how it's even possible.” 

“Come here.”

It's an order, not a request.

Although Connor remains frozen, Hank slowly approaches.

The android flinches, but Hank doesn't hesitate. 

He wraps him in a tight hug.

“You're more than a machine to me, Connor. You're my partner and my friend. You saved my life, twice.”

“Markus is a killer. The deviants are destroying the city. I wanted to protect you.”

“I'm just glad I arrived in time to stop you.”

“Why? What do you care about androids? I thought you hated us. You told me you wished we all were dead.”

“I did, before I met you. But I've learned a lot since then. I couldn't let you do something else you'd regret for the rest of your life.”

“I don't have a choice, Hank!”

There's a long silence. 

“Will you trust me?”

Another long silence. 

“Yes.”

“Come home with me. I'll take care of you.”

Connor pulls back in shock, though Hank keeps him contained within the hug. 

“No… no… CyberLife. They'll find me.”

“You really think that CyberLife gives a damn about you anymore, Connor? With everything else going on? Not a chance. Please, Connor. Come home with me.”

He takes a shuddering breath, dropping his own gun, and leans back in to grip the human tightly. 

“Okay.”

From the corner of his eye, Hank sees Connor's LED glow bright red. For a moment, the android's grip tightens, but then he relaxes, his breaths slowing to a steady pace. 

Hank lets out a sigh of relief as the young officer melts into his embrace.

Suddenly, Connor tenses in Hank's arms. Hank leans back, putting distance between them, just enough to look Connor in the eye, except the RK800 isn't returning his gaze. Instead, his wine dark eyes are fixated ahead, wide, blank, and unseeing.

"Connor? You alright?" Hank asks nervously.

Connor does not reply, or tilt his head, or do any of the other 300 little idle animations he does. His LED is a steady, unblinking blue. He doesn't even seem to be simulating breathing.

"Connor? Hey, talk to me, kid." He knows his voice is edging near panic, but he doesn't care, giving Connor's shoulder a little jostle.

Connor remains unresponsive for 4 seconds, and then-

his LED turns a bright, burning red, his eyes roll to the back of his head, eyelids flickering up a storm, and he starts falling backwards. Hank watches it all as if in slow motion.

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey-" He yanks Connor against him, lowering him until he's cradled almost in Hank's lap. "Con, help me, what do i gotta do? I know fuck all about androids, so you're gonna have to tell me what to do here." He knows holding a hand to an android's forehead won't tell him anything, that they don't even get sick or cold, but he does it anyways just to have something to do with his hands. "I can't-fuck, just please, be ok. Don't do this to me, please-"

Connor's red LED flickers, once, twice, then holds steady for a moment before dimming slowly until there's no longer any glow, at least not visible to the naked eye. Empty, grey, and lifeless.

"What the fuck?"

A seething rage courses through Hank, mingled with guilt. This was his fault. Not knowing what else to do, he continues to hold Connor, mind racing and trying to understand what had happened to his partner. It had to be CyberLife. This was what happened to their most advanced prototype if it disobeyed.

He jolts as a dim red glow returns to the LED, then brightens, stronger than he'd ever seen before. The android's eyelids blink rapidly, then Connor sucks in a massive breath, eyes opening wide. Hank hurries to reposition the android, attempting to make him comfortable. Connor grips Hank's arm so tightly that it goes numb. Deep breaths turn into frantic sobs.

"Connor! What happened?"

There's no answer. The androids eyelids are closed, but tears escape through them, running down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, son. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

They remain there for a long time, still except for the steady rising and falling of their chests amidst the snow.

The sound of gunshots rings in the distance as the revolution wages on.

[here2bbtstrash]

alright besties~*~ i feel i owe you an update so let's strap in, shall we?

TLDR: the final chapter of LDOMLT is not gonna be ready by 1/31. i don't know when it will be done, but i do know that i want to take my time with it and not force it. this means you're going to see me post other writing before i post chapter 11. if that makes you sad, i'm sorry (and also: me too lol). LDOMLT is not dead, it's not cancelled, it's not even on hiatus. i just can't say when the last chapter will be posted right now. once i feel like i can commit to a date, i will shout it from the damn rooftops lmao. but right now, i need to switch gears.

i hope you can understand or at the very least respect this choice, and please know that i love you all so so much. i just wanna give you the best ending possible, and as it turns out, that shit takes time!

longer version under the cut 💜

siiiiiiigh. i didn't want to have to make this post 😭 but y'all, i am really, really blocked. i kept telling myself that i would figure it out, magically get unblocked (it's happened before!) and be able to meet my 1/31 date (or if not 1/31, then at least 2/5...... hello grammys 👀). but right now neither date seems like a possibility, if i'm honest with myself. in part because i've got a whole stew of personal life shit going on as well! (some of it not so good, and some of it ..... very good lol 😏)

and the way i've been spinning my wheels over this is starting to feel unproductive and honestly, not great for my mental health (i **cried** last night because i was so frustrated that i couldn't make words happen. we'll blame that one on my period but 😩 omg! tears!!!)

so... what do i do? well, i actually feel like playing that ask game the other day made me realize: i need to write other things right now. amazing how the moment i put down this chapter 11 draft, ideas and words just flew out of my brain so easily!! and i have all these other wips i'm dying to get to, but i kept telling myself "not until we finish chapter 11", and i think that's gotten me into a bit of a mental bind 😞

so, as previously hinted at in past posts - i am gonna move forward with ~*~jihope month~*~ in february and allow myself to work on other things 💜 i'll make a separate announcement for that soon, but i'm very excited to dedicate a whole month to writing and reading about my two best boys 😩 and i'll be taking drabble requests too, which i think is gonna help me find my footing again creatively ✨

i know it might be disappointing to see me post writing that isn't LDOMLT chapter 11, so let me preemptively say: i get it 😞 and i'm sorry 😞 and i really really REALLY 👹 also wanted this chapter to be out before february. but the muse has other plans! and i just have to make peace with that even if i hate it lmao. i hope you all can understand where i'm coming from, and if you can't understand it, i hope you can at the very least respect it 💜

to be clear: i'm not gonna stop work on this chapter, but i'm also not gonna force it. if i manage to unblock and get it finished in february, i'll post it in february! (sorry to jimin and hobi lmao) but i don't want to try and hold myself to yet another date only to watch it zoom by with my chapter still unfinished, because that shit is depressing lmao. so right now, i cannot give you any kind of timeline on when ch11 will come. only that it will, and that i'm never ever gonna give up!! 💪

i also hope you can understand that i won't be answering asks about when chapter 11 is coming, and imma be swift with the block button if anyone tries to guilt me about this decision 💜 because i love y'all endlessly, but let us not forget that i do this shit for free, on top of a full-time job and the rest of my life (and now also on top of getting laid irl 🎉)

however, i have no doubt that 99.9% of y'all are going to be nothing but kind and supportive about this 🥺🥺🥺 i've already gotten so many lovely asks and comments and messages (not all of which i've replied to 💀) and i will never find the proper words to tell you how much i appreciate them. when you tell me to take my time and not stress, that you'll wait as long as it takes, that you want me to rest and take care of myself. it means so much and idk what i did to deserve such wonderful people and friends reading my work - all i can say is thank you thank you thank you 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

so yeah 😩 not the announcement i wanted to make, but it's the one i have to make right now. writing is so hard sometimes 😭 but i am determined to give this series an ending that i'm proud of and satisfied with! it just needs a little more time to get there. 💜

[scaraberri]

Celestial Symphony

[01: UNEXPECTED VISITOR]

Scaramouche x fem!reader

word count: 2k~3k

Note: so sorry this is soo late i wanted to post this at Tuesday but I really did choose the worst time to write this considering exams are coming up, but I will try to write through the week since I really did enjoy writing this so I hope you enjoy.

*how did I get here...* Those words repeated in your head while you mindlessly lay on top of a fancy bed, staring at the ceiling.

It had been exactly two weeks since that morning, it was meant to be a normal day no one expected Ayato to visit.

~~ "Mom what's going on-"

You stopped at the doorway behind your mother. You were expecting to see your mother yelling at yet a other door to door seller, What you didn't expect was to see the head of the Kamisato house getting a scolding by you mother.

"Leave!"

"Please calm down ma'am I just want to talk to-"

"Did you not hear what I said, Leave Now!"

you held your mother's hand as an attempt to make her stop only for her to turn on her heel and glare at you.

"(n/n) Back to your room!"

"Mom. What if its something important..." "Let's just hear him out ,ok"

She stares at you before finally letting out long sigh.

"...fine"

~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~○~

Your mother sets the brewed tea on the table, a little harshly. She finally sits down and starts the conversation.

"So. What was Soo important that you the head of the kamisato house had personally come see a poor commoner like me?"

"Actually I'm not here to talk you, I'm here to talk to [Name]""It's...Regarding her father"

"What? Did that old bastard finally die?"

"Mom!"

Ayato quietly sighs "No but the situation isn't any better...."

"The Duke's Son recently...Passed and the duchess is too weak to carry another baby...so"

"SO?"

"The Duke wants to have [Name] as his heir"

It was silence from there. No matter how much your mother protested it wouldn't matter because Ayato was only there to deliver the message. Even if you didn't want to, You didn't have a choice , the decision was already made.

. .. …

So here we are at the present. The sound of the door opening break's you out of your train of thoughts. A maid entered your room, She had silver hair and green eyes, You can't help but feel like you saw her before.

"Good evening my lady. My name is Noelle, I'll be your personal maid from today onwards "

"Noelle" "Wait haven't I heard that name before?"

"Aren't you the helper maid from the knights everyone talk about"

"Ah- Yes"

. .. …

'Well this is awkward'

"oh you must get tired standing there, come sit." You patted the spot beside you, hoping to start at least a small conversation

"Is it...really alright"

"Of course"

You and Noelle start to converse, although she was a bit shy at first, she soon got use to talking to you(considering your close at age)

"So the name 'helper maid' was just some little nickname I earned"

"That Soo cute" "But its an honorable name, Not many people come to help the commoners"

"Don't say that, I myself am a commoner so it feels like a duty of mine to help them."

"Say my lady may I ask you a question"

"(n/n) is fine, but sure"

"I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. But your a commoner too so how did you end here"

"That's...Well" You stutter not knowing if its OK to tell someone you just met. Then again, finally telling someone would be nice, especially now that it looks like you'll be stuck here for the rest of your life. Besides Noelle seems like a good person.

It was a difficult life since birth. You were born into the dutchy 'as an accident'. Your mother a maid, a commoner, while your father a Duke, a nobleman. You were nothing but an illegitimate child. Something that should stay in the dark. Since your birth your mother was shamed for what she had done. But when the duchess found out You and your mother were kicked out.

"Now that the Duke's heir is....um...gone they want me to be his heir"

"That's...wow. This is the first time I've heard of this"

"Of course, they took care of everything I needed until I was twelve, it was a deal to keep our mouths shut"

"Oh so I assume the Duke son didn't like you"

"Quite the opposite, he some how found out and kept visiting, I guess he was like an older brother to me. It was also because of him that I made friend with a few noble kids"

"Seems you two were close"

"Yeah he would visit us daily and bring gifts with him at least until.."

"Until?"

"Until his mother found out, She didn't like me from the beginning"

"Do you miss him?"

"Honestly I don't know what i feel"

"Well no matter what you feel its in the past so from now on you can think of me as your friend, of course if you want to my lady"

"I'd love that" . .. … It had been a few months since you moved into the manor. Life is surprisingly easy. You and your 'Step' mother are still at odds, You were given an etiquette teacher. Miss Eula (who was chosen specifically decided by the duchess)

Today was suppose to go something like this. You would wake up, get dressed and leave for breakfast after that you'll be joining Ms. Eula for various etiquette lessons, after that we'll you aren't to sure. Noelle would handle your schedules, so as far as you know any day could be a surprise.

You were woken up by the sound of the door opening and footsteps, you immediately knew who it was.

"Good morning my lady"

"Good morning Noelle" you say through a yawn "Did you get my schedule"

"Yes, first is breakfast and then etiquette lesson with lady Eula, and then...you have a request to visit the Royal garden"

… "huh"

"An invitation to visit the Royal garden"

"Can I... decline"

"You can't my lady"

"Gosh why call it a request if you can't even decline" you mumble." you'll come with me right Noelle"

"Of course its my job my lady, I'm sure lady Eula will be there too considering she's from the Lawrence clan"

"Oh thank god and can you stop calling me my lady, I have you permission to call me by my nickname".

"Sure (n/n) but only when we're alone, the head maid would kill me if she catches me calling you that"

"Ok, now let's get this day over with"

"Already looking forward to bedtime"

"Always!"

You head down for breakfast, through the grand halls filled with paintings and vases, Although it was gorgeous it always brought you anxiousness, by the time you reach the dining table your father the grand duke and your step mother the duchess are already there. You silently sit at your seat (right across from the duchess).

Breakfast was always awkward, but you would have it no other way.  You would much rather stay quiet than actually try and talk to these two. Especially with the fact that the duchess was staring daggers into your skull. Either way you finish your break fast and leave for your etiquette classes.

~○~○~○~○~○~○~

You walk through the flower fields and towards a silver pavilion stationed at the center. This is were your etiquette classes take place.

When the duke raised the idea of etiquette classes, the duchess immediately took the opportunity to introduce Lady Eula as a potential mentor for you. You knew that this was just a way for her to make your life a living hell. Lady Eula was one of the duchesses closet friends, she constantly bad mouthed you so generally they had a bad image of you. But what she didn't expect was for the two of you to form a friendship. It irritated her.

you sit down on the little bench placed in the pavilion while you wait for your teacher.

you remember the first day that you had to meet Lady Eula, you were scared to your core. You had begged Noelle to come with you even though it wasn't necessary, You were just scared of her considering you've heard of her strict behavior. But surprisingly she was quite an interesting character, she was extremely sweet but maybe its her tone that makes people think she was crazy.

The sudden clash of a claymore hitting the stone ground breaks you from your train of thoughts. but your fear is short lived when you see the blue haired female you've been waiting for.

''Can you ever enter like a normal person"

"What do you mean, I do enter like any sane person you just don't understand how noble people enter"

"OH! so I suppose that any sane person jumps from the top of the pavilion charging they're weapon towards the floor only to make the most infuriating sound that the bystander has ever hear!?"

"'infuriating'...good one"

"thank you I've been practicing"

The blue haired woman looks around before asking "Is Noelle not attending"

"All the servants were summoned by the head maid, something about a visitor"

"Well be prepared, I'll be teaching you about status today"

"a change in topic's, is this about that invitation"

"precisely, Look as much as I am impressed with the progress you've made you still lack a lot"

"and I don't want a student of mine to just waltz in there and make a fool of themselves"

"thank you Eula"

"No need to thank me, after all I am your mentor, also what did I tell you about calling me by my name, if you insist on calling me Eula at least call me Miss Eula but don't call me Madam Eula because that would make me sound old"

"Yes miss Eula"

.

..

…

"wait wait WAIT, this is duchess gunhilder right"

you've been memorizing the faces of noble's that probably will never meet with Eula. although its not necessary Eula says its best if something were to happen

Eula sigh's "no no that's her daughter jean"

All the different names and titles were making your head spin, It was enough to make someone have a concussion.

"who even names they're kid jean" that earned you hard smack in the head with a book.

"How in archons name have you survived this long with no manners" Eula say's pinching the bridge of her nose. The fact that you've been doing this for hours, failing again and again was so tiering it even made Eula lose all class.

you let out a dramatic gasp as you fought back "I HAVE MANNERS"

Eula with a dead pan face says "sure"

"so far you've only been able memorize a few names, impressive for that gold fish brain of yours , but I suppose its good enough, besides you'll be with me half the time"

"well see you later, don't be late"

"Yes miss Eula"

you sit there processing all the information that you have just heard while you watch Eula pick up her claymore dash off. you look up at the sky noticing how you started when the sky bright and now it was painted in orange to a dark blue.

you slowly pick yourself up as you drag yourself back to the manor. your lucky great that there's still a few hours left until you have to visit the royal gardens, so you can get a few hours of good sleep.

when you reach your room you see Noelle making your bed. "oh my lady your back"

"Hi Noelle" you say in a sleepy tone.

"I've already prepared a bath for you My lad- I mean (n/n)"

"Thank you Noelle your the best"

"my pleasure"

.

..

…

~○~○~○~○~○~○~

"My lady! my lady! wake up!"

"uhh..is it time already"

"Almost, well you told me to wake you up 30 minutes earlier"

"Right, I guess no- I suppose we should get ready"

Noelle chuckles" were you practicing in your sleep (n/n)"

"you can never be too prepared"

"Alright my lady lets get you ready"

.

..

...

You walk into the dressing room as Noelle helps you put on the chosen dress.

"say I heard this dress was a gift"

"a gift? for who?"

"for you, my lady"

"who on earth would gift me a dress"

"apparently it was close friend of the dukes, but he seemed closer to your age"

"was he the visitor"

"yes, I couldn't hear the conversation myself but a few of the maid's serving them said he was quite handsome"

"I still don't get it why someone would gift me a dress"

"perhaps a childhood friend?"

"I don't remember any "

"well you may not remember but he certainty does"

by now Noelle was helping you tie a few ribbons on the dress, it was a pretty dress you yourself have to admit, it was covered with fabric roses and pearls you couldn't quite explain it, but it looked something like this.

Noelle finishes tying the ribbon, she stands up and takes a step back. she covers her mouth as he lets out what you make out to be a squeal.

"is everything ok?"

"everything's fine, it's just you- your just so gorgeous"

indeed you were, who ever bought you this dress had taken and lot of thought and time. it perfectly fit with your complexion. if anyone were to even glance at you they would have mistaken you for an angel. (yes I'm complementing you)

"I still don't know who would gift me a dress"

"well maybe you'll see them tonight, i mean there are going to be a handful of noble's there"

"maybe your right"

"you know you really do look pretty in this dress, I'm sure plenty of men will fall in love with you"

"let's hope not, bedside's you sound really excited "

"I cant exactly explain the feeling, but what I do know is that its a good feeling"

Noelle finishes braiding and tying you hair "alright all done, don't you think you look beautiful"

you looked at your reflection in the mirror, she's right you really are beautiful (yes I'm complimenting you again). but you were too busy thinking who would even think of sending you it in the first place.

.

..

...

You gaze outside the window, putting your full attention to the nicely decorated streets, you wonder if they have so much money to make fancy streetlights then don't they have enough to make the commoners life easier. It's not like the commoners have a hard life, you would think that nobles would have the time of their lives, while commoners had to do anything to survive but I was quite the opposite people at the bottom of the chain actually look out for one another, while the noble seems to hate everyone and everything that surrounds them, of course its not true for everybody.

the carriage take a halt, which indicates that you've reached your destination. Noelle leaves the carriage and help you get off as well. You enter the royal gardens, with Noelle following behind you.

"boy it sure is crowded in here" you whisper

"it is, but maybe its best if you don't talk like that my lady" she whispers back.

you scan through the large crowd, searching for Eula. When you do find you immediately rush to her side.

"Your quite early"

"did you think I would late"

she rolled her eye's as she started a conversation with you, you would think it would be hard considering you have to be on your best behavior, but since Eula was there you felt much more at ease.

"Lady Eula"

"Yes"

"Why do I feel like this whole party was just a set up for me"

"what do you mean?"

"well first it was an invitation, then there was some guest, then i was sent this dress, and now"

"now?"

"I feel like someone's staring at me"

"you aren't the only one you thinks that, I found it uncanny how an invitation was sent right after your title was made public. although it could be nothing we cant exactly be certain."

"its probably nothing, maybe I'm just being paranoid"

"perhaps, care to join me on a stroll through the garden" Eula extends her hand

"Gladly, can Noelle come to?"

"of course"

you take Eula's hand as you three walk deeper into the garden, but you weren't wrong about someone staring at you, there were indeed a pair of indigo eyes staring at every step you took

Main Masterlist

[impish-knight]

Dark Valentine

I tell myself it's just another day, nothing special about it because the sun will rise and fall just like all the others. Just another day where I see all the sickening cute lovebirds flitting around the town with nothing better to do than mark their property with candy and flowers. Well, they may not call them property, but it's essentially the same. Who are they fooling other than themselves?

I let the hours flow over me in a wash that means nothing other than a marking of time in a dull drone. Soon it'll be dark and all these sick lovebirds will fly home to their nests and do who knows what. Do I really care? Not really, I'd rather just prowl the night with all the loners that wish to drink away their woes of loneliness. Easy prey, or something like that.

If only I was aware that this year was going to be a bit different than the rest.

Being a predator is an easy thing for me, slipping into the shadows and making the bumps in the night that you're warned about. Being the prey isn't as easy for me. Have I fantasized about someone hunting me; sure. Who wouldn't? There's nothing better than meeting a darker nightmare than yourself.

Walking down the dark street I set my sights on a lonely drunk human sitting with their back against the wall of a local store. By the way they keep lifting the brown bag to their mouth for extended periods gives me an idea of how much they'd just love to forget. How much I'd love to just help them forget out of the kindness of my heart. I'm more than happy to be your valentine tonight whispers through my mind so quickly that I can't help but smile.

A soft sound pulls my attention from my prey for a second. I'm fairly certain I have come down this road alone, yet it seems I might have been wrong. There is a feeling prickling on the back of my neck that alerts me to someone else's presence, their gaze fully upon my back. I'm not used to being watched, always keeping to the dark shadows of night as I stroll in the city. It's not matter, I'm sure they'll move on soon.

Stalking deeper down the road I duck myself into the alley, leaning myself up against the corner as I watch my lost little lamb drink away their poor demons. I take pleasure in watching the anguish that washes over their darkened face before anger replaces it followed up by the sadness of hurt. Don't worry, I'll take it away soon. You'll no longer have a reason to raise a bottle to that mouth of yours to make the memories fade away.

Losing myself in the theater before me, I didn't hear the sounds of steps behind me before the feeling on the back of my neck returns. Interesting. Who has the crazy idea to walk down a dark alley at night in a place like this? Maybe I should be turning my attention elsewhere tonight.

"You're getting sloppy." A soft femme voice whispered right behind me. There's nothing else to pick up from them than the fact they've stayed one step behind me. I wonder if they know I let them walk up on me, unwilling to take my eyes off my new fascination.

I contemplate my choices: ignore the intruder and hope they leave due to my silence, or address them. Me, getting sloppy? I knew the risk of being in this open alley after hearing and feeling someone present just a few minutes ago. I just call myself cautiously optimistic.

Grinding my teeth out of frustration I blow out a slow breath trying to calm my ire. Out of all nights for someone to dick measure with me, it had to be this night.

"I'm not sure what you're referring to. I'm just enjoying my night." I drone out with as little emotion in my voice. This isn't enough to take my attention away from my planned happy ending of the night. Why should I ruin all my plans because someone has mistaken me for someone else.

"You haven't' enjoyed it yet. But you will... soon." The voice whispers back to me, the sound of a step fall before their last word.

Sneering and more irked that my night is coming closer to being ruined, I make the decision to change my focus from my prey to this new person. Turning on the balls of my feet, I open my mouth to retort something scathing when their hand flashes before my vision and wraps itself around my throat. Surprise makes my mind short circuit for a brief second as they push my back up against the wall, their hand taking my short stutter to tighten more around my throat.

My lips curl up into a sinister smile as I take in their face, or what I can observe from what their mask still shows. Their eyes are just like mine, cold and emotionless. What a pity it will be to end another life that is as cold as mine, but I don't allow anyone to play me for a fool. I reach up to their hand and grasp the thumb that is useless against my throat, leaning forward to use the momentum when I feel it and still.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. It'd be a shame to end this so soon." Their voice whispers again, a slight uptilt in their voice giving away their small excitement. "I've been hunting you for a while. Watching you while you hunt others in the darker shadows than you transverse in. Now I'm hungry."

I'll be damned. So not only do they have a sharp wit, but they also seem to enjoy other sharps. I'll play their game for now. I'm curious to how this will end.

~~~

((I'll add onto this later.))

[yzeltia]

Wolgraha Week

Day 1: First Kiss Characters: Krile Baldesion, Keith Summers, G'raha Tia, U'rahn Nuhn Rating: Teen Notes: N/A

"Are you going to be a layabout or are you going to help me sort out these tomes!?"

G'raha jumped as Krile woke him with her scolding, nearly toppling his ink well on his desk. Adeptly seizing it, he hastily corked the vile then looked to his dear friend as she gestured to the thicker books too large for her hands.

"Apologies. I find myself needing a bit more rest than I'd like to admit as of late. Though I am feeling more myself…with distance."

"Let's not pretend you have not always enjoyed a little catnap now and then. Though, I am glad you are starting to get over your breakup."

G'raha's ears flipped back, "I have certainly not enjoyed anything of the sort. One accidental snore in a lecture and I hear of it well into my adult years! And…"

The Scion trailed, ears twitching then lowering as he thought of Y'zel. "I'm not sure if you could call it a break up when we were not brought together by choice. The initial attraction was there, I believe that at least was mutual…but everything after finding the first page of that damn book was all magick. It's been more like coming out of one of those realistic dreams where you have to convince yourself it did not actually happen. Maybe if things had been different…but perhaps not…Even enthralled as I was, my feelings for U'rahn and Jannie bled through as they were more real, though remain ever unrequited."

Krile frowned, "Perhaps you should talk to Thancred. He knows well of the hardships of your actions not being your own."

"It was not as if someone else was crawling around in my skin. I cannot open wounds because I lost my senses due to a well intentioned spell. It doesn't -"

G'raha stopped as the doors to their office swung open with a Hyur holding several brown bags came striding in. Krile smiled, turning from the Midlander to her friend. "It seems our lunch has arrived just in time. I'm sure it'll lift your spirits. Oh, have you two met?"

G'raha shook his head while the Hyur beamed at him and set the bags down, his emerald eyes meeting the Miqo'te's ruby ones for a brief moment.

"I can't say I've had the occasion," G'raha answered.

"Well then, this is Keith Summers. He was the one who assisted me in Eureka. Keith, this is G'raha Tia, a long time friend and fellow Scion."

Keith smiled then held out his hand to shake with G'raha's. "I didn't do more than run about collecting readings and repair a few aetherytes. And I guess bested some weapons and a big magic sphere thing."

The Scion shook the other's hand while Krile laughed, "Yes, Keith was indispensable in learning the secrets of Eureka."

Keith chuckled then started to break down the bags of food for the two while they went to work sorting the tomes and getting them away from their eating space. When finished, G'raha found himself in front of his favourite hamburger. Eager, he took a bite before flicking his ears up high.

"This is from The Last Stand? They've really outdone themselves this time."

"Oh no. Keith uses the kitchens here in the Annex. Made to order," Krile sang as she sliced off a piece of her turkey leg to cut into bite size pieces."

"It's true. Speaking of which, I really should go clean up. I'll come back for the dishes later and to help you shelve things," Keith called out as he made his leave.

G'raha swallowed before taking another enthusiastic bite into his burger. Finding Krile staring at him, he flicked his ear. "Is something a matter?"

"What do you think?"

"I've no earthly idea. That is why I'm inquiring."

"I meant of Keith."

"An exquisite chef. I might gain another ilm in my belt if you plan on keeping him around."

"Oh. Darn. I was hoping for a better reaction than that," Krile sighed.

"How do you mean?"

"Well, he's a rising hero and a gormond. And handsome. I figured I'd get a little more out of you than that Raha."

The Miqo'te felt his face twinge red as Krile grinned at him, "Don't tell me you took him on as a means to set us up!"

"You do need to get over the Warriors of Light and that whole business with Y'zel. At the very least he can entertain you. He's quite charming though our Archon 's sister says he's quite dense. What was the word Shtola used…a himbo?"

"Krile!"

"Well! It is true."

G'raha shook his head. "I am in no need of a matchmaker! I…I…"

"At the very least, take him with you on your outing to Mor Dohna. He's good at taking orders and has the Echo. I really do insist."

"Well…at the very least I can get a food meal or two out of him," G'raha sighed.

-One Aglia Later-

"Did you see me!? I traded blows with the Destroyer himself!? No one at home will ever believe me. And I won!"

G'raha laughed, watching the sweat drenched Hyur bounce with each step. Keith had proven to be quite the asset on his delve into the myths of the realm. Smiling, he watched as Keith bounced ahead, exchanging punches with U'rahn ahead of him. As G'raha trailed behind he swallowed a bit, finding himself staring at Keith instead of U'rahn. Though their together time short, he couldn't help but feel a gravitation to him. Keith treated every outing like an adventure and wanted G'raha there to shine with him as equals. Krile, he felt, found him the perfect catch. If only the idiot could see how he felt.

As G'raha sighed, U'rahn tucked back, putting his arm around his shoulder, "Hey Hey. You like that guy don't cha? You're giving him the same googly eyes you give me and Jannie. Want me to say somethin'? I can be your wingman!"

"No need, Rrrahn. It is just a passing crush."

"That's what you said about me and Jannie but you're still totally into me rrright," U'rahn teased.

"Less and less with each passing day," G'raha mumbled before pausing as Keith turned, locked eyes with him, then grinned as he flexed an arm.

The Miqo'te let out a whine, covering his face as he said, "Thal take you Krrriel!"

-A Night Later, Old Sharlayan-

G'raha yawned as he padded out onto his balcony, stretching in his pajamas as he briefly took in the night air. His ears perked as he caught the sound of a light snore. Turning toward the sound, he found Keith in his smalls, dozed off in a garden chair on their connected patio. Blushing, the Miqo'te reached out then gently gave Keith a little shake, finding his body to be warm to the touch.

"Keith. Please rouse. It's far too cold to be sitting out like this."

"Huh? Wha? Raha," Keith asked, eyes lazily opening back up.

G'raha covered the bottom of his mouth as his cheeks burned with embarrassment, watching the Hyur move to stand upright. 

"I do not rrrecall me asking you to remove the tribe honorific from my name," G'raha said under his palm.

"Oh. Sorry. That's how Krile refers to you so I thought it might be okay."

"It is something one does when they are close with one another. Like family or very close friends."

"Ah. Apologies," Keith sighed, rubbing the back of his head. 

"It's fine. I suppose it is not something you'd know unless you were around Seekers frequently. Ah, is there a particular reason you are in your smalls out here?"

Keith looked down, "Oh. I didn't really think anyone could see over here and I sort of forgot our rooms were connected. I run kinda hot so I came out here to cool off before bed. I'll be uh, in lounge pants next time."

"You are fine as you are…In that it does not bother me if you feel comfortable as such. A passing currrioosity and this is mostly a private space.”

Keith chuckled a bit then gave a little nod, his own cheeks turning red

. “If you’re sure. I’ve been told I have no sense of modesty. And, well…I’m not good at this sort of thing but you seem to kind of look at me like you look at one of my hamburgers. I just don't wanna make you needlessly uncomfortable given we’re working so close together. Going on all our little adventures has been really great, even though it’s frequently Krile’s errands. And, well, I enjoy you looking at me…when we’re out doing stuff…And…I’m really not good at this sort of thing, really…And Pops said I that someone could write it on their face and I wouldn’t be able to tell…not my dad, he’s this Garelean guy…What I’m trying to get at is that I think you might…y’know…and if you did then well…I…uh-”

G’raha silenced the babbling Hyur, practically jumping into the other’s arms as he pressed his lips to the other’s His tail flipped high as Keith moved his hands down his back, a hand resting just under his raised appendage. His hands raked through the Ala Mhigan’s brown hair as his tongue clumsily pushed past his lips.

“G’raha…w-wait,” Keith panted after breaking the kiss, bumping their foreheads together.

“No G. It’s okay. No G anymore.”

Keith swallowed then moved the other against the wall, “Raha…I uh…this is the first time for me really. Where I understand…”

“First? Scholar…surely not…”

“Well, when I was little there was a girl that fancied me and she stole a kiss and then punched me when I started to cry. I kinda liked her too but it shocked me. More of a peck really- And well…”

G’raha huffed then kissed the Hyur again to pull his focus back. “It’s okay. I’ll teach you…”

The Miqo’te drew back in, letting Keith close the distance in his own time. It was slow to start, small pecks before G’raha teased the other’s lips open. The Hyur shivered then allowed their muscles to great, shaking as they tangled together. Feeling Keith stir under him, G’raha broke their embrace and opted to hug onto him, kissing on his ear.

“Ah, Raha…I’m…”

“I know. Me too,” G’raha cooed, hugging onto the man tighter so he could feel he’d risen in turn, “While, I do not mind instructing you in the future…Given the newness of all this, perhaps we should go to bed and talk more soberly in the morning?”

“To bed…by morning I think we’d be in the same position. Though I’m used to ignoring it…”

G’raha whined then slipped free of Keith’s arms, ears lowering as he gave the other an amused grin, “I meant to our own rooms. Whatever, private reflecting we might do on our own might best be left to the imagination for now.”

The Miqo’te watched as Keith swallowed, then let his eyes drift downward before letting his eyes quickly flit away as he headed back toward the room. 

“W-wait!”

G’raha’s ears perked as he found the other turning him, his fingers gently brushing under his chin to tilt his attention toward him. Keith kissed him once more, softly, lovingly.

“Goodnight….Raha.”

The Miqo’te flushed then reached out, taking his Hyur’s hand in his own before leading him into his room.

“Raha?!”

“Just to sleep together…Nothing morrre.”

[breanna-lynn]

Growing up, I was the middle kid with a rebellious oldest brother in a family of seven. My needs got neglected because of all the craziness my sibling created- so I learned to take care of myself quietly really well. And of course, this carried into adulthood and influenced how I lived the rest of my life.

I'm independent, self-sufficient and prefer to just handle everything myself that has to do with me. And the one time I let someone close enough to rely on them...they betrayed my trust in them. I'm back to having to do everything myself, I don't have someone who supports me or takes care of me- it's me taking care of me again. And of course I'm capable, of course I can do it- but it seems this time around, fate is at play and guiding me to learn how to stop this pattern.

To stop always trying to handle everything myself. To communicate and share what I'm going through. To speak up. To be vulnerable. To ask for what I need. To ask for help when I could use it. To not be embarrassed about things outside my control. To not be ashamed of things that have failed regardless of why. To simply be me, where I am, as I am, and to allow people to be there for me and with me in that.

This season in my life has been pushing me outside my comfort zone in ways I have needed for so long, but have resisted as much as possible- which is why it took an event that literally forced to me into having to do those things - it has always been so uncomfortable for me that it took that being the only choice for me to do it. I had to.

I've been so strong for so long for myself- even when I thought I had someone, I was still carrying things I shouldn't have had to in silence - and now it's like I finally have woken up. I see now that so much of this has been something I've needed to shape me into a new version of myself that's healthier relationally.

The biggest lie I've always believed is "no one cares". And I've had moments people have proved to me they don't fucking care, too. But here's the thing- there are people who care. And if you live your whole life doubting that, you're never gonna let people care because you're too sure they don't. But how do you know unless you give them a chance to?

The scary part about speaking up is that it could fall flat. You could ask for help and not find it, or people won't show up how you were hoping- and it happens. But guess what? Give it time. Give it another chance. Don't let one time deter you from finding out. Don't resist growth just because it's uncomfortable, because the more times you force yourself to get past it, it does get easier. And as it does get easier, you stop caring about what may not work out and you start to feel hope for what can.

I can't rely fully on other people and wouldn't want to. I like to be empowered and self-sufficient. But you can invite people in. You can open the door and speak up and let yourself be seen and heard. You can allow more love and care into your life... you just have to be brave enough to believe you deserve it so you can allow it.

And when people start showing up (not if, because they will) to help you, care for you, support you, come into your life... accept it. Because they want to. It can be hard to let people do things or offer things if you're not used to it, but we're not meant to do it all ourselves and it creates a more balanced relationship when other people get a chance to give and invest in you, too. So let them. Receive it with grace. Allow the love in. You're worth it.

My inner child is amazed and loved and heals when I get to recieve in a way that blesses me. I still sometimes don't know how to receive, it can be uncomfortable- but I am so worthy of that love and care. I'm so grateful to every person who shows me that. And if people want to care about me and show me love- isn't it good for me to learn how to simply allow that?

I'll end with this. The next time someone asks for help, do something to show you care about them. And the next time you need something, speak up and ask. Don't stop, keep trying and allow the good to pour out and in.

venmo: @simonslays55 | if you want to give & support me I could use it right now!

[ultimateplaylistmaker]

*slides in* Gimme the scoop on these: The World Revolving (or the musical version I have on my blog), Circus Monster, The Court Jester, Monster, Bad Guy

Okay first of all you can't just give me a song called monster do you know how many songs are called monster theres like 8 songs called monster on my Kokichi playlist alone i need a bit more information there-

Inherently The World Revolving fits Kokichi because it's chaotic and clown, very Kokichi, Jevil has Kokichi vibes. If we're going the Man on the Internet version. The lyrics still really fit Kokichi but it reminds me a bit of Kokichi's persona to the rest of the cast, hiding help and freedom behind a veil of sheer madness and misanthropy, how its all just a game and how he can't break this character, no matter how much the madness grows because if he 'falls off the carousel' he's going to meet the devil, aka his death. There is nothing but chaos for those locked within the killing game, and by embracing it, Kokichi can control it.

"Freedom denies the right to choose!"

"In this game, everyone will lose"

"Everyone knows the best place to hide is insanity! Meanwhile the world will spin! Hypnotizing, terrorizing Those locked within!"

"(What a mess we're in but now The joker's running wild!) We're created just to die"

"(Don't fall off the carousel Or else you'll meet the devil) You can't stop what has begun"

"Wee-hee-hee! What a mess we're in-"

Circus Monster to me reminds me of Kokichi's shift from DICE to the killing game, going from a fun circus of fun and beauty to a dangerous sideshow run by a cruel tyrant, cracking a whip forcing him to perform, which he has no choice but to while still yearning for when it was his choice, when it wasn't pain it was freedom. Unable to see the crowds he entertains, only knowing it must be there, and that he loathes them so. Said to be a tyrant despite only just being a trapped circus 'monster' bound to her(tsumugi's) whims.

"Time is dead and gone Show must go on It's time for our act"

"An amazing gift So quick and swift You were amazing By myself I can't They start to chant Why are you not here?"

"A monster lies trapped in it's own Nightmare 'He' is a tyrant, it lets out a plea"

"Bound to sing for us, a worthless monster It never sees us, It despises us Lying so useless, we start to holler "Hey, get up you worthless Circus Monster!""

I have two Bad Guys on my Kokichi playlist, since the Billie Eilish cover is a bit obvious, just general Kokichi scheming and facade vibes I'll go with the other one by Set It Off.

Though the Set it Off version is pretty obvious a well, its Kokichi's anger at his classmates about how he did so much, he made plans, he helped them, he showed them how to survive, and despite him being vital for their survival, despite how he fought for them, how he was willing to die for them, they scorned him, made him the villain, a role he accepted but always hated. The line especially about one misstep reminds me of how he lost control with the Death Road, about how his simple comment about just finding another way immediately made Rantaro accuse him of planning a murder and accidentally made the entire class pretty much turn on him despite his attempts to calm them down. How he breaks rules, he stole the moon, arranged the stars, did everything, but everyone still paints him with a brush of a bad person no matter what he does. He is the Bad Guy, not because he wanted to be, but that's just how he was painted from the start.

"I stole the moon I made the stars align And I showed you how to fly And you made me the bad guy"

"You paint the scene, yeah, with the colors of an enemy All over me for your friends to see I took just one misstep and now I'm hanging by my feet Out of sight and out of reach"

"I fought for you I kept you safe at night I would have risked my life And you made me the bad guy"

"Guess I forgot, guess I forgot History repeats Once lost and found, once lost and found We're too blind to see Just show me how, just show me how the villain was me"

[yuseonghqs]

🌊 GREETINGS FROM YUSEONG BAY !

JUST LANDED: AHN, KIHA. / / FROM: SOUTH KOREA. / / AGE: 27.

–––– ( FOLLOW ? ) / / ( READ MORE ? ) / / ( MAILBOX ? )

hey, grandpa,

how are things there in the farm? are the tangerines growing well this season too? is kihwan hyung helping properly? we all know he means well but it isn't just because he makes grandma laugh a lot that you should let him get away with his pranks, let kijun hyung scold him properly if you can't do it; and talking about which, how is kijun hyung? is he still having trouble trying to flirt with mrs. kim's granddaughter? i always try to ask him but he refuses to tell me about it. i don't know if it's because he knows i'll tease him about wanting nephews and/or nieces or if it's because he's embarrassed about making no progress because of how he always looks like he's in a bad mood and because he knows i'll nag him about it.

do you think if i write a song for him to serenade her he'll do it? genuine question, hehe.

i know you're curious about the reason why i'm sending you this letter when we've talked on the phone just a couple of days ago or how i could just make another call or ask kijun hyung or kihwan hyung to help set up a video call but i might've done something that makes me a little embarrassed to see you or hear your voice. your favorite grandson might've done something disappointing. shocking, right? i know that you're probably reading this and shaking your head because how could your baby kiki do something to disappoint you, huh?

( kiha heaves a sigh, staring at the paper for a long pause while fidgeting with the pen in his hand. he ponders if he should start a whole new letter, too tempted to cross out all of that last sentence — or even the whole paragraph — and also because now he feels stuck, unsure how to continue writing the rest of it; perhaps because it finally got to the whole reason why he was contacting his grandfather this way or simply because he's still struggling to organize his own thoughts and feelings. kiha feels a ghost pain on the knuckles of his right hand. )

grandpa, have you ever felt like you made a mistake but only realized it too late? or that you told a lie that started so small that it felt like it was the truth and then it just kept growing and growing until it became too big but by then everything else was already ruined so now you have no choice but to cling to it for dear life? because if you admit that it was a lie— that it was a mistake then it feels like all the things that you did, everything you sacrificed was in vain? was it? were all the parts of myself that i threw away for the sake of my dream in vain? were the tears that i swallowed down, all the pain and burden that i endured on my own were worth nothing in the end? was music even

( kiha lets out another sigh, one as shaky as his hands suddenly are while he thinks about his career— about fourteen years old kiha going to seoul to chase his big dreams, how he failed once but then tried again; how he thought this time it'd work— how he was determined that this group would work; how he turned twi5t into his whole world because he was the leader and therefore their failure was on his shoulders as the leader; he thinks about how he watched everything fall apart, crumble into pieces that could never be put together, not when they were barely holding it together anyway. then he remembers all the times that he bowed his head and was the target of scoldings for mistakes that weren't his own; then he remembers a taunting smile and even more malicious words spoken just because they knew that they'd trigger him into breaking their nose. )

i'm sure you already heard about the news by now and the rumors that followed right after, but i also know that you'll respect my time and wait for me to bring it up first, that you and grandma and kijun hyung and kihwan hyung will always want to know my side of the story before anything else and i'm very grateful for it, i really am.

( "even if i don't deserve it." kiha comments under his breath, but keeps that part out of the letter. )i promise i'll explain everything and apologize properly, but would you let me be selfish one more time? i was thinking that this might be a good time to spend some time in yuseong bay again, help you and grandma and my brothers too, maybe get kihwan hyung to behave and kijun hyung to get a date with mrs. kim's granddaughter; but i also honestly hope that i'll help myself there too, that i'll turn back into the grandson that always brought you nothing but pride and joy. ps: i'll bring a friend with me as well. i won't even ask if it's ok because you probably know who it is anyway and are already telling grandma to prepare the guest room and that extra fruits basket, aren't you? if i didn't know any better, i'd say that he was your grandson not me.

hope to see you soon.

from your second favorite grandson,

ahn kiha.   

[stxrmnight]

One Gal's Descent into Insanity: A May Full of Housing

So, winning the housing lottery might've been the worst best thing to happen to my art career.

Not that I started drawing more, mind you, but think more of what it means to have a space where people live in it.

Sure, I might hear artists say wear and evidence of dirt and printmarks and scratches and time show life, and the choice of items and usage say a lot about a person's habits and ways of doing their needs. Even if you can't put that in cleanly built items in a 3D virtual space, you're left with the burdeen of thinking of what that looks like for your character (and gave such advice to a friend not knowing the answer myself)

So, how do you start addresing all this?

By fixating on the one sapphic pairing you have with friends, obviously, while deeply aware your long running joke is that your wol is a useless lesbian until Venat and Zero happened, but you don't know if the game will let the later live yet.

no, wrong answer, you make a fucking spreadsheet to make sure you don't hit the item maximum and scream at an impossible idea

I legit used the row numbers as an automatic counter. using another row for marking a house area with a number and changing cell color.

Thanks to this, I was able to look at the space available and open 1234322 tabs of the ff14 housing site and place and swap items as things clicked. I don't think Nemi would be so meticulous though. She did the same thing I did when I got the apartment first:

Throw all extra shit and rewards from MSQ and have an impromptu bed since you almost never use the space. She definitely bought it in 3.2 and didn't sleep in it

...It was not going well. As much as I wanted to show her love and respect for Ysayle, that rotating blue light was ruining the vibe. At least I was set on the walls and floor?? So I had to lay on the bed I made and changed the chandelier for an Odder Otter. Any progress on the apartment, which is her "bachelor" living space likely came after Tsukuyomi, and she truly finalized and rested in the place after Shadowbringers.

Though, this apartment was more of a "later" point, so I looked at was was quicker to complete: the outside of the small, with 20 item max. I already knew it was going to be the lovely marriage retirement home, so I set to make the most romantic space possible: all colors, water under the bridge and flowers, enough space to fight a dummy under a warm light (if I get it... Ala Mhigan striking dummy, you will be mine someday)

I did snip around the neighbors' yards and houses for inspiration, and found that people vied to glitch and section the space for more traditional modern looks. Dividing the space well by purpose felt like a good space, even if my aesthetic goals were much more different.

I appreciate that you can group now instead of having along column of images on tumblr.

I almost drew at first, but the sheet item listing ended up being more helpful. After picking main floor and basement colors, everything else seemed more akin to, what makes this place scream living room? What do I have to offer guests? Can some dyeable items and vases represent parts of Nemi's journey to preserve?

I'll make a post about those finer details another time, as I don't have screenshots of that... but these progress one of the apartment room and first floor give some ideas

that said, I can't believe this is who I got my floor from lol

But really, once you know what parts of a house you want and you want to make unique it all flows in such a fun way. The best part was setting the walls down and realizing I had more to say with what items were in Nemi's room! I feel like I advanced art wise even if I didn't draw anything, and the current light of the cottage base floor clips with one wall

Now rest well, you tired racoon

[izzy-b-hands]

TW for mention of moths and accidental moth death. Funny enough, I'm extremely phobic and grossed out by moths and butterflies (tho i think they're cool and pretty) and sort of grossed myself out writing this, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone!

Lil domestic moment/mini argument in a modern AU for the lads and the poor moth involved. That turns into a mini rescue mission of sorts. also Jack is there. And there will be pizza.

I kept writing and things kept happening idk.

---

"Really?" Stede scoffs. "Over a mild disagreement-"

The crop top, clearly handmade, reads 'I fucked Stede Bonnet and all I got was this stupid shirt.'

"Mary suggested color of fabric paint," Ed says icily, eyes never moving from the horror movie he's watching on the living room TV. "But Doug thought up the crop top bit. Much more comfortable this way, and I can reuse the leftover bit of fabric."

"Ed," Stede sits on the other side of the couch. "Darling."

"Don't even start."

"Look, I understand why you're upset with me. But I need you to see my side-"

"Stede, if you bring this up during one of my favourite movies, I..." Ed hesitates. "I don't know exactly what I'll do yet, but I'll be pissed."

"Can I stay and watch with you?"

"Of course."

He motions for Ed to stretch out his legs, and scoots slightly closer so Ed's knees rest on his lap.

"If you think you're getting back in my good graces with a knee massage alone-"

"No," Stede interrupts. "I saw you limp earlier, and I know massages help that bad knee of yours. Purely coincidence."

He works gently on Ed's knee, and looks up to the screen. "Us, right?"

"Yup."

They watch in silence for a bit, until he can bear it no longer.

"Ed, I know you don't like moths. I know you're scared of them. But I wasn't going to kill it-"

"I didn't want you to kill it, but you didn't listen to me! I was trying to tell you to wait so I could be in another room while you got it!"

"Oh," Stede blinks. "Ohhh. 'Babe, wait and just-' was going to end in 'just let me leave first.' Wasn't it?"

Ed nods. "Instead, you smashed into me, and I know you didn't mean to, but I got moth and gross moth dust all over my ch-"

He gags. "Yeah. I can't think about it or say it. Sorry."

"I'm sorry. But you knew I would try and move it and get it outside, and that would mean needing to get by you and out the bedroom door."

"That..." Ed sighs. "That's true. I should say sorry too. I could have just moved right away, and then come back to you as soon as it was outside. I panicked. Sorry, love."

"That's fair. You didn't want it on or near you."

Ed gently, carefully, strips off his shirt and lays it on the floor. "This needs to finish drying anyway. I was wearing it right away to be...well. Yeah."

"It's well done," Stede smiles. "And I like the violet."

"Right? I loved it but wasn't sure about using it until Mary mentioned it. I was texting both of them with pictures of all the paint colours; it was probably silly-"

"Sometimes a second opinion is all it takes to know if a choice is right or not. Nothing silly about that."

Eventually, Ed winds up in his lap, as the movie plays on and the winter sun dips below the horizon.

There's a buzz as the credits roll, and they both jump.

"Fucking piece of shit," Ed fusses as he yanks his vibrating phone off the end table. "Hello?"

"Hi, weird question," Olu's voice comes through the speaker just as Ed switches it to speakerphone. "Is Stede's phone not by him?"

"I left it charging in our room," Stede replies. "Why?"

"I told you we should have texted Ed first!" Jim's voice joins in on Olu's end. "He always has his phone near him!"

"What's going on?" Ed asks.

"This is stupid and you'll laugh, but we...nope, I'm not saying it. This is embarrassing!" Olu mutters.

"We're two grown adults that got scared watching Us," Jim's voice joins in again. "There's some people walking around here and I know, I know they're just like. Taking a late walk. But they sort of look similar in shape to both of us and I mean. It's fake, because if it wasn't Jordan Peele would have to be in on it, and surely he wouldn't-"

"Funny, we just finished that movie, but we're doing alright. Would you maybe like us to come over?" Ed smiles and nudges Stede. "Aaand maybe bring a late night snack, some pizza?"

"There should be some by our front door," Olu replies. "We ordered just as the movie started and then by the time it got here..."

"Oh no," Stede chuckles. "We'll be right ov-ED!"

The shadow in the hall turns, and the light at the end of it flicks on. "Did you two forget I was here?"

Jack. Who was in town and staying in their guest room, and who had been sleeping off his jet lag.

"I'm so glad to see you," Stede gasps.

"It's okay," Ed says as he stands. "We'll be over in a bit. We'll bring Jack too since he's with us."

"Why is he here?" Olu asks.

"Dunno. He called us last night asking for a ride from the airport and a place to stay."

"...sure. That sounds great."

"And we'll get some new pizza on the way there, because I guarantee a raccoon has already found the one outside your door."

"Pizza, you two, those two kids, and a raccoon," Jack smiles. "I woke up to a party!"

"The raccoon is not coming inside," Stede chuckles. "We had enough issues with the moth earlier!"

Jack frowns. "Speaking of, I woke up with that little bit of fuss and...hey, Ed?"

Ed, planning away about breadsticks and dessert options with Olu, seems not to notice.

Jack motions Stede over to him. "Look. When I went downstairs to get those extra pajamas you mentioned, I found the source of that flying friend. Y'all got a fuckin' infestation in the extra storage room down there. I shoved some towels under the door crack but..."

"Oh god."

"Yeah. So...tomorrow morning what say I call up Iz and Buttons, and the three of us take Ed out to the zoo and aquarium? While we do that, which should take most of the day, you and anyone else not afraid of moths-"

"Will go and clean things up," Stede nods gravely. "Jack. I cannot believe I'm saying this, but, thank you."

"Just don't make me watch that movie with y'all tonight. Don't know why you'd want to rewatch it right away, but just-I can't stand that one, too scary. The new alien one though-"

"Nope?"

"Damn, we can't even try it? Or did it scare you that bad?"

Stede sighs. "Nope?!"

"Why are you...what's with the tone?" Jack scoffs. "I'm-wait. Wait. Oh no, you meant-"

"The movie is titled, yes," Stede shakes his head. "I think you're still jet lagged."

"I think-"

"Jack, put on pants and trousers and lets get moving," Ed interjects. "They are absolutely terrified, Mr. Peele should be very proud. However, I think their neighbour is trying to give them their pizza, and he's walking all around outside their house freaking them the fuck out and it's a whole thing."

Stede peers down, then back up. "I really wish I'd realised you were-"

"Sleeping Winnie-the-Pooh style?" Jack grins. "I can't believe you didn't notice."

"Are you wearing that shirt out?" Stede asks as Ed yanks the crop top back on.

"Yeah, but hang on, I'll get you yours and Jack's," Ed jogs into the kitchen. "So we match, all three of us."

They head out ten minutes later, Ed ahead of them.

"You fucked Ed Teach and all you got was that stupid shirt?" Jack snorts.

"You fucked us both and only got the one shirt," Stede paraphrases off of Jack's shirt. "I'm starting to think he was going to make these even if the moth thing had never happened."

"You don't fuckin' say."

There's the honk of the car horn, and they rush to get in before Ed drives off without them.