#i'll post every other week an edit of my favorite stuff and see how it turns out

[punkiexist]

woke up and decided to try my editing skills (which is none) and make a chardee edit! and this time with a brazilian song!

for everyone: chardee - velha infância by tribalistas

(lyrics in english so it's easy to understand, but i'm not sure if it's correct. anyway, good luck!)

[junekissed]

happy ending

member — husband!junhui x f reader genre — angst, fluff, hurt/comfort word count — 6.6k synopsis — a pointless argument escalates until both of you need some space, but it couldn't come at a worse time. warnings — female reader, planned pregnancy, there's a big argument but i tried to not make it too toxic (jun and reader have a happy & healthy relationship i promise), swearing, there is a happy ending lots of fluff !! notes — requested by anon — this has been sitting in my drafts for months bc every time i look at it i get shy and wanna change my mind but i'm proud of how this turned out so i'm posting it finally! i know pregnancy fics aren't everyone's favorite but this was honestly very comforting to write so i hope anyone who chooses to read can find comfort in it as well <3 also the last time i proofread this was like april and if i try to proofread it rn i'll get shy again and chicken out so if there's any mistakes pls ignore! i hope you enjoy :)

you sat on the bathroom floor, trying to comprehend the weight of the news you held in your hand. you couldn’t believe it. you could? you couldn’t. 

after many months of trying to start a family with your husband, you had finally succeeded. the slim plastic stick with two tiny pink lines was the last piece of evidence you needed. it had been months of carefully tracked cycles, fertility doctors, and new positions that seemed too weird to actually do anything. but now, everything was finally falling into place.

you don’t know exactly how much time you spend sitting on the floor and staring at the pregnancy test; thinking, planning, and thinking some more. but when you finally stand up and place the positive test on the counter with shaking hands, it still hasn’t fully sunk in yet what’s happening. something you’d wanted for so long, and finally it was all right in front of you.

what do you do now? no— you know exactly what you need to do, and it’s a long list of things. the real question is, where do you begin?

you thought back to all the videos you’d watched over the last few weeks. somehow every social media algorithm knew exactly what you wanted to see, and it had given it to you in abundance; baby showers, gender reveals, those “get ready with me - new mom edition” videos. all getting your hopes up before you could confirm whether or not it had finally happened.

with your hopes high and expectations even higher, you were already beginning to plan how you would break the news to junhui. as your husband and your soon-to-be baby’s father, of course you wanted him to be the very first person to know, so you couldn’t wait too long to tell him. you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.

maybe you’d get a little gift box and give the test to him before dinner. but, then again, it was literally a piece of plastic you’d peed on. surely you could give him… something a little nicer than that.

maybe you could buy a baby outfit and wrap it up for him. but you remembered he’d mentioned so many times about how excited he would be to pick out clothes once you got pregnant. you would want him to have the honor of picking out the very first one, going to the store together and looking through the whole section before finally settling on the perfect one.

what else was there you could do? bake a cake? make a crossword puzzle? buy him a t-shirt that says “dad-to-be”? so many ways you could do it, but none of them seemed perfectly right.

from the other room you hear the door opening, and hurriedly you stuff the test into a drawer, not wanting to tell him just yet. you need a plan first; waiting another day or two couldn’t hurt, so you’ll just have to figure out how to tell him later.

you flip off the bathroom light and stride into the hallway, barely able to contain the grin on your face. you’ve always been terrible at keeping secrets, and with news as big and exciting as this you have no idea how you’re going to be able to hide it from him for more than a minute.

but luckily you don’t have to wonder about it for long, because as soon as you see jun you can already tell he’s in a sour mood. 

you know it’s usually best to let him have some time alone when he’s upset, but not for too long because he starts getting frustrated with himself and won’t stop working until he’s exhausted.

but you’re still on a high after everything today, so you decide on being a little bit sweeter to him in the hopes that your happiness will be contagious and that it’ll lift his spirits, despite what was probably a really awful day at work.

you find him sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands, long fingers pressed against his eyes trying to block out the light.

“hey, junnie,” you call out, sitting down in a chair next to him. “bad day?”

“yeah,” he answers shortly.

“i’m sorry, baby,” you hum, putting your hand on his shoulder, but he flinches and your hand falls away in surprise. he’s never done that before. weird. you try something else. “um, any requests for dinner?”

“not hungry.”

“alright. well, i guess i can cook up some veggies and leave them out, you can heat them up whenever you get hungry.”

he moves his hands away from his face and onto the table, sighing as he leans back in his chair. “can you just— leave me alone for a while? i’m sorry.”

you nod and stand up. “no, it’s fine. i get it. i’ll bring you some tea later then, maybe. text me when you’re feeling better.” you reach out and gently touch his hand before walking away, leaving him alone at the table.

it’s definitely one of his worser days, you note, so you retreat to your bedroom to watch more videos on your phone, trying to bring back your excitement from earlier. hopefully later he’ll be more open and you can sit down and eat something, and maybe by then you’ll have come up with a good way to tell him the news.

an hour passes and you come out of your bedroom to look for jun, having a question from one of your friends about the dinner you’d arranged to have together next week. but he’s no longer in the kitchen, so you peek your head into his office room and find him exactly where you expect him to be, trying to work himself to death.

you clear your throat before you enter, not wanting to startle him again. “hey, junnie, i know you’re in a bad mood, and i’m sorry to interrupt, but—”

“what do you want?” he snaps, never turning around from his desk. just from the way he’s hunched over his computer, he looks like the most stressed you’ve ever seen him, and your chest tightens with worry before your brain registers what he’s just said to you.

“i— excuse me?”

“i said, what do you want?” he repeats, still facing away from you.

you resist the urge to glare at him, knowing he’s probably under a lot of pressure, and you aren’t trying to add to it. “you don’t have to be rude, jun. i just came in here to double check about next weekend, minghao’s texting me.”

he finally lifts his head, slamming his hand down on the desk. “i’m really trying not to snap at you, but— jesus, you make it so fucking hard sometimes.”

you raise your eyebrows in disbelief, your voice lifting in tone. “well, i’m so very sorry to inconvenience you then, but i really don’t appreciate you talking to me like that, jun.”

“and i don’t appreciate you talking to me like i’m a child! when will you get it through your head?”

his comment stings, but you brush it off. “well, maybe if you’d just talk to me like an adult instead of throwing a fit and hiding in your office then i wouldn’t have to treat you like one!” you’re starting to get tired of how he retreats in on himself every time bad shit happens. all you want to do is let him know he doesn’t have to do it alone, and he’s just… exploding at you for no reason, so you don’t try to hide the snarkiness behind your words.

he scoffs angrily and stands up, towering over you at his full height. “oh, grow up! you’re so moody all the time and you expect me to just put up with it! as if i don’t have enough other shit to worry about, i have to worry about what you think of this and that and everything all the damn time!”

you’ve never seen him get so angry like this, and it’s almost scary how completely different this jun is from the jun you know and love. “okay, jun, fine, i’ll just—”

“no, don’t fucking “jun, fine” me. it’s like you’re doing it on purpose at this point, you act like everything is just so perfect and then when it’s not you act like it’s your job to fix everything! you can’t fix everything!”

“i said fine! just forget it, i’ll leave you the hell alone like you always want!”

he pushes past you and crosses the room in two strides, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door, his hand already on the doorknob. “i need to get some air. i’ll be back later.”

you fold your arms over your chest, trying to look unphased but inside your heart is breaking. “you’re really gonna walk out like that? you’re just gonna run away from this? real mature, junhui.”

he spins around, and the look in his eyes is cold. “if i don’t get out of this house right now i’m gonna say something i actually regret.”

and in a flash the door is slammed shut and jun is gone. you can hear his car starting up in the driveway, and seconds later everything is dead silent.

you stand frozen in front of the door, unable to move. you can’t believe it. you can’t. what just happened?

jun has never just… walked out like that.

his words ring in your ears; though your argument wasn’t very long, a lot was said in a very short time and you can’t even begin to think about how to process it as it starts to hit you all at once.

say something he actually regrets? what the hell does that mean? so he’s saying he doesn’t regret everything else, the cursing and the anger and the pointed words that were clearly meant to hurt you?

minute after long minute passes and you realize he’s not coming back anytime soon. finally you drag yourself away from the door, dropping down on the couch in a daze.

there’s never been a time where you and jun haven’t made up immediately after an argument. sure, maybe you take a little bit to cool down in your own space, but neither of you like letting the tension sit unresolved for very long. so what was it this time that made him leave without even a goodbye?

so many reasons, so many excuses, so many words you could’ve said instead. you shouldn’t have reacted like that, you shouldn’t have kept it going, you should’ve just left him alone. would that have made him stay? if you’d backed down sooner and just let him work through it on his own?

despite all the what-ifs and the doubts in your mind, your conscience won’t allow you to let him worry about everything by himself without at least offering your help. you’re a team, husband and wife, and you’ll be damned if you let him forget that. maybe you trying to help actually made things worse in the end, but at least you know you tried… right?

it’s not until you check your phone and realize that jun’s been gone more than half an hour that you finally let yourself cry. you’d been so focused on worrying about where jun was and whether he was okay that you’d barely even thought about what might happen after this.

will he just… come back and pretend nothing happened? will he come back and still be angry at you? it would almost be worse if he was calm and acted like everything was normal. would he even apologize? would you even apologize? of course you would. both of you said things that were fucked up, and you’ll be the first to admit it if it means this whole thing can be over. right now all you want is to have junhui back.

the tears keep falling but you don’t even feel yourself crying, your face rigid as the tears continue to stain your cheeks.

after an hour you force yourself to get up off the couch and move somewhere, anywhere around the house to try and get your mind off things. but you can’t erase his voice from your head, the look in his eyes as he walked out the door and the way his shoulders hunched from anger mixed with exhaustion.

you find yourself back in your bedroom and you fall onto his side of the bed, wishing you would wake up to find that this has all just been a very bad dream.

it’s after 10pm when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand and you sit up in a panic, scrambling to see if it’s something from jun. your eyes sting from crying so much, and you blink away the remaining tears as you unlock your phone with shaking hands. your heart drops even further when you realize it is, in fact, from jun, but not the news you want to hear.

you let your phone slip out of your grasp, tumbling to the carpet with a thud. when he’d said he’d be back later you had assumed that meant he’d be coming back tonight. clearly you thought wrong.

tomorrow seemed so far away; too much time to spend alone in a house that was supposed to be filled with happy memories, but now all you felt was pain. you felt it in your chest and in your stomach and in your head and everywhere. the whole room was suffocating, heavy weight crushing down on you from every angle.

you slide to the floor and pick up your phone. you don’t text junhui back. you’re not sure anymore if he’d even read your message. 

instead you type in your friend seokmin’s phone number, listening to the line ring as you wipe the back of your hand across your eyes.

as soon as he picks up, he can hear the anguish in your voice and he’s begging you to tell him what’s wrong, but all you can muster up is a soft, “can i stay with you tonight?” because you can’t bear to be in this house another second without junhui. 

and of course he says yes, and of course he’s immediately on his way over to pick you up. and of course he stops at mcdonald’s on the way back to his house to buy you something to eat, because you haven’t eaten and even though you don’t particularly have much of an appetite right now, seokmin would rather die than let you skip a meal, especially on a night like tonight when you could really use something to keep you going.

you throw your overnight bag on the floor of seokmin’s living room with a small sigh. in a haze you’d tossed in whatever items you thought you might need; a toothbrush, pajamas, something to wash your face with. 

he gives you space for a while as he pulls out the folding bed part of the couch and brings out blankets and pillows for you to sleep with. you don’t say it, but you really appreciate his help. he’s been one of your best friends for so long, and you don’t know what you’d do without him. 

you hadn’t thought about it while you were packing, but as you stand in seokmin’s bathroom you think about the cleanser you’d grabbed; your favorite one, the one jun had gotten you for your birthday last year and you’d never switched to another brand since. 

every single thing reminds you of him, and you push down a fresh wave of emotion as you scrub the foam into your skin, trying to wash away all your tears.

when you’re done getting ready for bed you find seokmin in the living room with a pot of tea. he was just trying to help, but unluckily for him, he’d made green tea. it was your favorite… but it also happened to be jun’s favorite.

and this time you can’t hold back your tears, and seokmin is sitting wide eyed and bewildered, wondering why you’re crying over tea, but he doesn’t ask. he just reaches out to let you hug him, and you squeeze him so tightly you know it must hurt, but he doesn’t say anything, just lets you hug him as hard as you can and lets your tears stain his t-shirt.

it takes another half hour for you to calm down enough to talk. you’d spent the time watching whatever was on tv, not really paying attention and instead playing everything back in your mind. seokmin had just sat next to you, quietly keeping you company until you were ready.

“jun and i… had a fight,” you say finally, interrupting the commercial playing on the screen.

“i figured,” he says, offering you a comforting smile as he mutes the tv. “do you wanna talk about it?”

“i don’t know. there’s not much to talk about.” you take a shaky breath, remembering it all one more time. “we both said some awful things that we didn’t mean. at least, i know i didn’t mean them. then he just… left, and he texted that he’d come home tomorrow. that’s it.”

you don’t tell him about the pregnancy test. you’ve mentioned once or twice that you and jun had been interested in starting a family, but you’d never gone into detail about it and you weren’t going to now. you still wanted jun to be the first person to know, even though you didn’t know when that might be anymore.

you tell him about other things instead, about your day at work and your plans for the weekend. eventually you finish your tea, and seokmin retreats to his own room and shuts the door with a quiet click, leaving you alone in the quiet of his living room.

it takes you a long time to fall asleep, but soon your exhaustion catches up with you and you let yourself rest, physically and emotionally drained. at least the silence here isn’t as bad as the silence at your house.

across town in his friend seungcheol’s guest bedroom, jun can’t stop tossing and turning. he’s fucked up, he knows he fucked up, big time.

why did he leave? he shouldn’t have left. you had been absolutely right, he was running away from everything and it was stupid and dumb and immature. but in that moment all he could think about was what the next awful thing he might say to you was, and he knew if he had stayed for any longer he wouldn’t have been able to stop what came out of his mouth. he was out of control, and immediately he knew it.

not even the worst day in the world could make you deserving of all the things he said to you. you were the only thing that wasn’t bad in his life; even on shitty days like today, all you did was care about him. and all he did was hurt you.

jun barely sleeps that night, finally forcing himself out of the extra bed at dawn. he’d been too anxious to sleep, too frustrated with himself to do anything other than think about everything he did and wonder if you were okay without him.

he’d already gotten an earful from his friend last night, and he knew he was still in big trouble. the things he said wouldn’t just go away overnight. in fact, they’d probably gotten worse by leaving them to build up overnight, and again he’s kicking himself for ever leaving in the first place.

he packs up his things as quickly as he can, eager to get home and see you again. on his way out the door, he thanks seungcheol for letting him stay the night and he apologizes for bothering him so late.

“i’m not the one you need to apologize to. you better figure out how to fix this, jun.”

with a straight face he nods, bowing his head as he closes the door.

in his car, jun takes the long way home, trying to find an open grocery store. he knows it won’t make up for how he acted, but the very least he can do it buy you a bouquet of your favorite flowers.

he walks through the aisles, basket in hand, trying to think of something else for you. maybe he’ll get the ingredients he needs to make your favorite dinner tonight; he hadn’t eaten last night, though you had offered to cook for him and he’d shot you down.

he feels another pang of guilt at the thought, remembering yet another kind gesture you’d tried to give him that he’d brushed off like it meant nothing. it meant everything to him, and in the middle of the frozen vegetables aisle he swore he wouldn’t ever do it again. 

he’d taken you for granted, and he was so lucky that things hadn’t ended worse than they did. he could’ve said something truly unforgivable, or he could’ve even lost your relationship altogether. but he was still yours, and you were still his, and he would just have to work extra hard to make sure you knew how sincere he was.

he’d been a little worried that you hadn’t texted him back last night, seeing that you’d read his message but never responded. you were probably still hurt, and he didn’t blame you; still, he’d hoped you would say something back.

with grocery bags loaded full of ingredients for dinner and the special things he’d bought for you, the drive back home feels a little more hopeful.

he plans out everything he’ll do in the car. he’ll bring the groceries in and put them away quickly; it’s still fairly early in the morning, so hopefully you won’t be awake yet. he’ll arrange your flowers all nice in a pretty vase, and he’ll come in and wake you up with the best apology of his life and hopefully a really big hug. after the last 24 hours he really could use a hug, and he’s sure you could too. and then he’ll explain how sorry he is and how he didn’t mean any of it and then everything will be better again. yes, everything will be okay.

the first part of his plan goes perfectly. he sneaks into the house and when he’s met with silence he continues putting everything away, quietly so he won’t wake you up in the other room. then, he puts the flowers in a vase and with everything in place, he walks down the hallway to finally face you.

but when he twists the bedroom door handle, the bed is made and the room is empty. you aren’t there.

he frowns, leaving the room and poking his head into the bathroom, then his office. he calls your name loudly, hoping you’re just in a corner of the house and you’ll come out once you hear him. but no reply.

he goes back into the living room and sets the vase down on the coffee table, trying to think. you aren’t usually up this early, but maybe you hadn’t been able to sleep and you’d gone out for a walk, or maybe you’d gone to the store to get more cereal? 

a sinking feeling rises in his chest, and he walks back into the bedroom to confirm something, sliding open the closet door to check. your overnight duffel bag is gone.

he ducks back into the bathroom to check something else. your toothbrush isn’t sitting in the jar like it usually is. he slides open the bathroom drawer to check one more thing, and—

his hand freezes on the knob, staring at something in the drawer that wasn’t there before. he’s not sure it is what he thinks it is, but either way there it is, clear as day in front of him: a little white piece of plastic, sticking out from underneath a tissue. 

gingerly he pulls it out, holding it up to the light to see it better. when he sees the two pink lines he nearly drops it in shock, but he stops himself, setting it gently on the counter instead.

this is something special, something precious, and he knew he had to take care of it. you’d saved it for a reason; you could’ve easily just thrown it away once you knew the results, but you had kept it instead. were you going to give it to him?

he covers his mouth with his hand, still staring at the stick sitting on the edge of the sink. it was just a cheap piece of plastic, but to him it was the most important thing in the entire world.

he deflates when he realizes you’d probably been planning on telling him last night, before he’d blown up at you. if he’d been paying attention to anyone other than himself, he would’ve noticed your mood was happier than usual, your face glowing with contained excitement. he should’ve been paying attention.

there’s a sense of urgency in his stride as he dashes around the house, looking for any other sign of you, but it’s clear you weren’t there. there were so many places you could be, he can’t even begin to think of where to look. your parents, friends, family; hell, you could even have stayed in a hotel, alone and upset. he should’ve been there. none of this should’ve ever happened.

immediately he presses the speed dial for your phone, but of course– no answer. he calls again, and again you don’t pick up. he curses, resisting the urge to slam his phone down on the table in frustration. no, he has to stay calm. that’s what got him into this whole fucking mess in the first place.

he remembers that your parents are out of town on vacation, so you probably wouldn’t have gone there. you wouldn’t have gone to a hotel because you always lecture him about the importance of saving money “just in case”, so you wouldn’t have paid to stay somewhere. your sister is still in college and shares an apartment with three other people, so probably not the best idea either. 

that narrows it down to one of your friends’ houses; seokmin, who lives a couple blocks away, or joshua, who lives on the other side of town.

he figures seokmin is his best bet, so jun takes a deep breath and finds the contact in his phone.

“what do you want?” seokmin’s usually cheery voice has an edge to it today, and jun knows he’s picked right.

“is she there?” he asks anxiously.

“she is,” he confirms, and jun exhales, letting out the breath he had been holding in. “but she’s asleep still. i’ll let her know you called.”

“wait,” jun adds quickly.

the line is silent for a moment, and he’s afraid seokmin’s already hung up, but finally he gets a response. “what is it?”

"can i–are you sure? please," jun pleads. if he could just talk to you, just explain what happened and that he's so fucking sorry—

“hold on,” seokmin says, and the phone goes quiet again.

jun’s heart is in his throat as he waits for a response, and he stops when he finally hears your voice. “hello?”

he breathes a sigh of relief. “sweetheart. i’m so sorry.”

you don’t reply, so he continues.

“i’m glad you’re okay,” he starts, trying to put the right words together. “i shouldn’t have said any of that last night, and i shouldn’t have left. i didn’t mean it. i’m sorry.”

“thanks” is all you say, and he hates how small and sad your voice sounds. it’s his fault you sound like that.

“i found your test,” he bursts out, unable to hide his excitement any longer.

“oh." you pause, swallowing. "so… you know.”

“yes, i do know, baby. i’m so sorry, if i had known before—”

you cut him off, your tone suddenly rising with anger. “‘if you had known?’ so you won’t yell at me if i’m pregnant, but you’re just fine with yelling at me when you think i’m not? is that the only reason why you’re even apologizing to me right now?"

“no— fuck, no, of course not. i shouldn’t yell at you, period. and i’m not going to ever again.” jun pauses for a second, rubbing his hand over his eyes. he’s done nothing so far but make everything worse. “i really messed up, honey, and i’m sorry. i can’t say it enough. but— please, come home. i don’t want to talk over the phone.”

you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to will away the tears that threaten to fall again. you don’t want to cry about this anymore. “okay,” you say finally. “i’ll be home in a little while.”

“thank you,” jun says, and the way his voice breaks makes your heart sink. you can tell he feels awful about everything, and you do really, really miss him.

“…i love you," you add, changing your mind at the last second.

“i love you, too!” he says immediately. “i love you, too, honey. text me when you’re on your way.”

“i will.”

he says “i love you” twice more before you end the call. you sit in silence for a second, processing everything before you stand up off the couch and head to seokmin’s room to give him back his phone.

"can you take me home now, please?" you tell him softly, and immediately seokmin stands up and hugs you, his arms wrapped tightly around you.

"of course. let me know when you're ready."

half an hour later you find yourself in the front seat of seokmin’s car once again, this time sitting nervously in his driveway as he puts your bag in the trunk for you. you're still not sure if you're ready to face jun yet, but you know you have to.

reluctantly you unlock your phone and open your text messages with jun, your eyes landing on the text he'd sent last night that had gone unreplied. with shaky fingers you type out that you're leaving seokmin’s house, and jun replies almost instantly with a long string of heart emojis.

seokmin gets into the car and starts it, and you exhale and set your phone in the cupholder.

"are you okay?" he asks, turning to look at you. "because you can always let me know if you need anything. anytime, day or night."

"i'm alright," you say, taking a deep breath. "i'm fine. but thank you, seok. i really appreciate everything."

he smiles, shifting the car into reverse. "of course. it's no problem at all."

the second he hears the car pull up outside the house, jun jumps up off the couch, smoothing his shirt down anxiously. through the window he watches seokmin hand you your bag and close the trunk, giving you one last hug before he gets back in the car. he doesn't drive away until you're at the front porch, and with a deep breath jun swings open the door, before you can even knock.

you both stand there in silence for a second before he blurts out another apology. "i'm sorry," he rushes to say. "i'm really sorry."

you give him a weak smile. "can i maybe… get in the house, first?" you ask quietly, motioning with your free hand at the doorway.

"yeah, i— yeah, shit, of course," jun says as he practically jumps out of your way, holding the door open for you to walk inside.

you set your bag on the floor by the couch as he closes the door behind you. the sound of the lock clicking seems too loud in the uncomfortable silence that settles over the room.

"can… can i give you a hug? please?" he asks, and you stay quiet but nod. 

he closes the distance between you in one stride and wraps his arms around you, squeezing you so tightly and holding you close to his chest. "i'm so sorry, honey. i didn't mean any of it. i promise."

"i believe you," you finally manage, your voice a little muffled from how he's pressing you against him.

he doesn't say anything more, just holds you and holds you, and it feels so good to be home where you belong. there's a lot that needs to be said, but for right now you don't need any more words. you're just glad to be back together again.

after a while you pull your head away from him so you speak. "i'm sorry."

"why are you apologizing? you didn't do anything wrong, baby. i'm the one that needs to be apologizing."

you shake your head. "no. i said some things last night, too. granted, not as bad as you, but…"

jun breaks out into a grin at your joke, and you feel your mood start to lighten. "…which is true. and i'm sorry."

"jun, you can stop apologizing now. i get it, you're sorry. you don't have to tell me a million times," you say, trying to laugh a little.

now it's his turn to shake his head. "well, i'm going to anyway. because i am sorry." you look away from him, feeling embarrassment start to boil up, but he continues talking. "i'm serious. i'll say it as many times as it takes to make it right."

you turn your head back to him, struggling to keep a straight face. "why did you leave, jun?" you ask softly.

he takes a deep breath, and still trapped in his arms you can feel his chest expand with the breath. 

"it was stupid," he says finally. "i left because i didn't want to stay and risk hurting you more. but i realize i did that anyway, by leaving. i was just… i needed some air. but i shouldn't have stayed away, and i'm not gonna do that again. i won't do it, ever again."

"i just don't want you to leave me," you manage, trying and failing to hide the crack in your voice as you feel your eyes start to well up with tears.

he hugs you tighter and one of his hands comes up to cup the back of your head, gently smoothing your hair with his thumb. "i know, baby, i'm sorry. i'm not going to, i promise."

you don't respond, but you know he's telling the truth. the last 24 hours have been hell for the both of you, and you don't doubt he means every single "i'm sorry" he's said.

"so…" jun starts, and you tilt your head up at him.

"so?" you know what he's going to say next, and despite the excitement you had yesterday you feel yourself dreading this part of the conversation.

"you're pregnant?"

you sigh, looking down and avoiding his eyes. "yeah."

he hums. "but you don't sound excited?" he asks.

"well, i was, last night."

"i'm sorry," he winces. "do you wanna tell me now and i'll pretend this didn't happen and i don't know about it?"

you shake your head. "no, it's fine. the moment's kinda… ruined, already."

he sighs. "yeah, i know. i'm sorry i ruined it."

"i said it's fine, jun."

"no, it's not fine," he says firmly. "it's one hundred percent my fault. this is important to you, and to us, and we should be celebrating right now. last night should never have happened."

"jun, it's in the past. it was messed up, but i forgive you," you say, lifting you head to look at him once more. "it's not a big deal. we're okay now."

"i just want you to be happy about it," he says with a sniff. "we've been trying for so long, and finally…" he trails off, staring at you with watery eyes. 

you smile at him. "i am happy about it, junnie. i'm so happy, you can't even believe."

"did you tell seokmin?" he asks, and his brows furrow when you shake your head no.

"no, i didn't. i wanted you to be the first i told," you say shyly. "i knew you would want to be the first to know."

"i love you so much," he says, still hugging you. he's never going to let you go, never again. "do you know how far along?"

"no, i didn't go to the doctor. probably like two or three weeks, though, if i've been counting it right."

"wow," he sighs, a smile on his face as he stares off into the distance behind you. "i can't wait."

you watch his eyes, practically able to see the thoughts running through his head. 

after a while he loosens his grip around you, moving to swipe at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand. "well—anyway," he starts, giving you an awkward chuckle. "i bought stuff for breakfast. if you haven't had any, yet. and i'm making dinner tonight, too."

before you can even respond his eyes widen, like he's just now remembering all the things he had planned, and he lets go of you, bounding into the kitchen. he returns seconds later with a huge glass vase full of flowers, practically tripping over his own feet in his rush to hand them to you. "and i got these for you, too. sorry they're not the best, it's all the store had this morning."

"junnie, if this is the best the store had, then i don't think i wanna see their best," you laugh, holding the flowers up and admiring the dozens of bright blooms. "this is gorgeous, but you really didn't need to get me anything."

"but i wanted to," he counters, still running around the room to grab the gift bag sitting by the couch. "consider it an 'i'm very sorry' slash 'congrats you're having a baby' gift."

you set the vase down on the table next to you and take the bag from him, pulling out the tissue paper and crumpling it into a ball.

"i didn't have a whole lot of time to look this morning, but i found these," he says nervously, waiting for your reaction.

from the bag you pull out a miniature plastic hanger holding a set of tiny pajamas covered in little kitties, attached to a matching set of striped orange socks.

"i wanted to be the first person to get you baby clothes," he explains as he fidgets with his hands. 

"i knew you would," you smile at him, setting the empty bag and the clothes on the table along with the bouquet of flowers. "and they're perfect. they're so… you."

you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him back in for another hug. "i love all of it. thank you, jun."

he grins, rocking you back and forth in his arms and leaving kisses all over your cheek. "i love you too, baby. i missed you so much. i won't ever do that again."

"i know," you smile. "now… you promised me breakfast, isn't that right? because i'm starving. crying is exhausting."

he laughs. "no crying anymore. and i did promise you that, so tell me: do you want blueberry waffles, or strawberry?"

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❯ i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! thanks for reading!!

[summitclan-chronicles]

Applications are Closed!

Holy cow, we finally made it - and what a grand venture this has been! So many new faces, so many new friends, so many questions and answers! I've learned so much about the people that have come here, even before anyone hops onboard the server!

I'm so thankful for the kindness, grace, curiosity, interest and patience you have all granted me. I have wanted to make this roleplay since I was very much a child too young to be on the internet, and to see that it might actually be something - even significant, at that? - it blows my mind without hesitation.

And just the same, I am thankful for everyone that faced the bravery of coming off anon and talking to me in asks and replies! I'm so glad to have some familiar faces in my feed so early - and I'm sure others have come to recognize and respect you too!

Now, with the soft gushy stuff over, I have 3 gifts to present to you!

i. Application Replies!

Some were multiple choice, so I gathered those together to put in review:

The arcs question made me & fiancee smile, because it stayed pretty consistent, with the most people having read TPB and the fewest having read ASC. On the contrary, I was not expecting so many people to have been rping in the kitty scene for over 10 years! I was also surprised at how many inexperienced people we got - and how filled out the middle was! I'm entertained by the near perfect split on wanting staff roles, & how few people chose Leader on the rank question.

Most importantly, I want to point out the question regarding being placed on a list for future loners and kittens. 98.4% is roughly 59 people, dude! We're going to have a robust list of people waiting for such openings, so I won't have to worry about inadequate responses just yet - much to my relief!

ii. A sneak-peak at our server setup!

I won't be giving out any more than this!

III. A Summitclan Playlist!

To get ourselves in the Summitclan spirit, I put together a little playlist! I'll be making a much longer one at a later date - but this works great for writing up a post or brainstorming characters!

The songs are ordered to flow nicely into one another, but they sound great shuffled too!

In conclusion...

🎄🕎🕯🕊 HAPPY HOLIDAYS🌹🌽✡️🎁

Get on your best jammies, snuggle up into something warm and put on your favorite music... spend time with the people you love & the things you love to do. Remember all this past year has brought to you, and know the good you've put into the world will return twicefold to you. Be it snowing, sleeting, raining or sunny where you are - be it arctic or balmy - you are here, alive and loved very deeply. You are someone to be celebrated, and you make people proud each and every day to be your friend.

Admin Jingo may be a bit absent due to family shenanigans, but feel free to send asks or reply to posts!

I love you all very much! As a reminder before I go...

Make sure your main Discord is accepting Friend Requests and DMs by December 29th (Friday).

If you get a friend request from someone named "Jingo-tastic", that's me!

Once the link has been sent to you, you'll have 1 week to heed it. If 3 days pass without a reply, I'll send a bump msg to your secondary!

You will be given access to the Summitclan Lore on January 1st, 2024 at midnight EST.

Roleplaying begins on January 8th.

Character creation/editing ends on January 15th.

Now that the grand opening has closed, the only way to join SCC is by way of newborn kittens or loners coming in from outside.

And one more time:

Thank you! ☃️

[tickitytockityrattityrottity]

Writer asks!! ♥️ 8 and 24 ♥️

8: fic I would do a sequel for

I'd like to do another Rolan/Tower fic. One with Rolan upgrading the tower and touching its runes and stuff.

I also want to do a sequel to I Will Bury You In Diamonds, exploring the other tieflings Ethel and Guex "saved". How did they survive the Shadow Cursed lands, have they figured out that she cursed them, will they figure it out before the time runs out. Etc

24: recharging when I'm not feeling creative

This got long, sorry.

It depends on the energy of the lack of creativity.

Exhaustion:

If I'm genuinely tired I take a break. The longest break I've taken was over a month. I think of creating like exercise; if you over train you need to recover. I also like to think of ideas as seeds. Sometimes they need to incubate a little before they sprout.

On breaks, I like to go out a lot and people watch at bars, breweries (although I really try to not use any drugs for creating), parks, cafes, shopping centers, etc. Sometimes I run into people who like to talk, which is great, because I like to listen. I walk a lot, daydream, exercise, do something destructive (yard work, cleaning, stomping cans), try out new skills, etc. It's hard to write experiences when you haven't had any.

Right now, though, I'm challenging myself to put out a short story or chapter every week this year, which means I don't have the luxury of long breaks (and I miss them. Writing for quantity is a whole different animal, and I'm not sure I like it, even though I'm learning a lot).

I've really started prioritizing short breaks to compensate, and really indulging in writing when the opportunity hits. I've also been prioritizing editing less.

If I'm just struggling:

If I just don't want to write part of the story, I write it anyway. I slog through it and it might be crap but at least it's done. Then once I have that no longer clogging up the brain pipes, I find other writing comes easier. I find sprints/the Pomodoro technique really helpful here.

Sometimes I'm not feeling creative because the scene I'm writing is dead. So I just end it. Most scenes are only a line away from ending, anyway.

I've had success writing a scene from another character's POV.

Sometimes I delete scenes and rewrite them from scratch. I'm a big believer that writing cannot get worse, haha, and that if something was important or a heavy hitter I'll write it again.

And, my favorite, if I'm stuck on plot, I like to write an idea. Then a different one. Then a different one. The idea came from a post I saw about drawing 50(?) thumbnails for every illustration, because your first 10-ish are just going to be you pulling out your normal fall backs. So by generating a dozen or so ideas I'll hopefully find one I resonate with.

Here's a sample from a fic I'm working on, you can see the ideas getting a little wilder and more out there towards the end. I write down every idea, even bad ones, because sometimes those spawn good ones. Example under the cut

Mol helps because…

She wants a sorcerer on her side

She feels bad

She is forced to by nine-fingers

She is forced by raphael

Thinks this will get her the power to be above nine-fingers OR power from Raphael

The lulz

Arabella pays her

Arabella threatens her

She, too, wants someone back (who?)

She wants to show off/is arrogant

She was going there anyway

---To steal something

---To hide something

---To learn something

One of the targets knows something she wants to know

She wants Arabella to owe her big

She didn't kill them, but she's claiming it to seem tough

She didn't kill them and she's clearing her name

She killed them by swapping out certain supplies per Raphael's instructions and needs to hide that

She is missing a key thing and suspects she can trick Arabella into getting it for her

She regrets breaking up the team and wants her friends back

She is cleaning up loose ends and this is a good job for people to disappear on

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Collector's Fic: Cleaning Out the Vineyard House (Poll Results 2nd)

This list was inspired by this poll-- 1st part here~.

(**Note**: I'll edit out errors later when no one's looking.)

Loose chronological order below~ 

raspberrycoffeecake's Vineyard-Haven

""But he turns back toward the sea, retracts his arms, and wraps them around his knees, closing in on himself.

“I came out here once the year after Samantha disappeared,” he says in an even tone. He’s still looking out at the waves, and she wonders if he’s talking to her or to himself. “It was just a normal summer morning. My father was upstairs in his office, writing letters, making phone calls, ignoring us like he always did. My mother made me a sandwich to take with me to the baseball field, as if there had always been just one child to make sandwiches for. As if Sam was just a dream I had, as if she had never existed. And I finally decided that I couldn’t stand the denial. I couldn’t keep pretending anymore.""

Post Paper Hearts Mulder whisks Scully to Martha's Vineyard. She supports him as he processes his memories; and insists they start a relationship when it won't be based in trauma.

@syntax6's (Gossamer, FFN, Omni) Mulder 1998

""He opened his eyes and looked at her over the flames. "They say the ocean has no memory."

She licked her thumb and scanned the paltry breaking surf. "I guess I can see that. The tide comes in, sweeps everything away and washes out again, only to reappear a few hours later. It makes the ocean seem immutable, as though no outside force can change it."

"And change equals memory?"

"Sure. Every memory changes you.""

Pre-Triangle Mulder sells his father's Vineyard house because of the expenses wracked up during FTF. He and Scully share their beach disappointments; and they compare his height to the former scratches on his childhood wall.

Chimerical1975's Regular People

""Grocery shopping with Mulder was something of an experience. It turned out that he was a creature of immense habit with definite likes and dislikes. Since she'd barged in on him, she offered to cook whatever he liked and he put up surprisingly little resistance to the offer. In fact, he revealed that macaroni and cheese was his favorite thing in the world. But only homemade--he had to be close to starving to eat the stuff that came in the blue box. She was amused that such simple comfort food was something he craved, not to mention greatly relieved because it was something that she actually knew how to make. If he'd wanted ratatouille, she would have been in big trouble.""

AU-- TGTSC Scully's California flight was canceled; so she surprises Mulder at the Vineyard where he is cleaning out his father's house. They whack down yard weeds, move each other with respect and admissions on both their parts-- romantically and not living a normal life together-- and conclude their unresolved romantic tensions.

Folieadeux's Cyclone

""Closing the door behind him, he slid off his jacket and laid it on the hall bench.He'd promised himself that he would not take too much time doing this,that he would be quick and efficient, without unnecessary emotions. Just like she'd do it, like she had done it when it had been her turn.

// He sat in the hallway, his back propped against the wall, watching her. It was late spring and the yearly housecleaning was in full force. The scene was misleading in its normalcy. A woman in an apron and a freshly washed house dress ripping sheets from a little girl's twin bed, shaking puffs of dust in the air that floated in the sunshine before disappearing to wherever those particles went. Her jaw was set tight and her face was determined. Only twin paths of tears betrayed her calm exterior.

He kept silent, a skill he was beginning to hone as the weeks wore on and his sister didn't return. Every day the house grew more and more silent while they all pretended. What they were pretending was something he had yet to figure out. //""

Post Closure Mulder somberly packs up the Vineyard, apologizing to the house while battling morbid memories. He always felt he had to protect his mother: the woman who kept travel books but never traveled.

LuvTheBeez’s (mulderscreek) Packing

""Every object, every possession left in the house had been carefully wrapped and packed away only to spend the rest of its days in a dank storage room somewhere. These boxes contained once precious objects that no longer mattered to anyone, all of them things he'd looked at a million times but had never really seen. Things that had been carefully maintained, fastidiously dusted and polished, each holding a memory that was solely hers, that he could not share.""

Post Closure Mulder packs up Tena's house, frustrated that there were no more answers to be found. Scully drops in with comfort food; and both are glad she hadn't listened to his earlier denials and mild mandates.

OKayVal's 155 Words - Santa Claus, North Pole

""Dear Santa, I have been good. Please bring me a talking Crissy doll. And please bring my brother Fox a model rocket so he will be too busy to tease me. Thank you. Love Samantha Mulder.""

Post Closure Mulder soldiers on, cleaning out Tena's house. Samantha's "Dear Santa" letter guts him with guilt.

xraelynn’s (Gossamer) Illumination

""It’s good to see you, Mulder,” she said softly, taking a sip of her coffee. The smile in his eyes dimmed as he looked away.

“I, uh...I didn’t mean to run out of town on you,” he said quietly, his eyes fixed down on his coffee. “I just thought I...needed some time.”

Mulder’s face was smooth and calm now, but for days she hadn’t stopped seeing his expression of devastation and betrayal whenever she looked at him.

It turned out that she had needed some time too.""

Post Closure Mulder invites Scully out to the Vineyard, needing her company while he processes his losses and revelations.

@bohoartist's (Ao3) Unnamed Prompt

""Let me see!” she pleads, reaching for it, but he extends his arm just out of her reach.

“Oh not at all, Scully, this is way too incriminating.”

She sits back and pouts, sticking out her plump bottom lip and looking up at him through her lashes before quickly changing tactics and lunging at him.""  

Post Closure Scully rescues a picture of little toddler Mulder before her partner can destroy all of his family mementos.

Pattie's Sailor Spooky

""Besides, I wouldn't want to spoil your free time away from me."

His heart sank. He sat on the couch. After a long pause he told her the truth. "I just don't want to be alone, okay?"

Scully stopped filling the coffee maker and approached her partner.""

Post Closure Mulder doesn't want to be alone. Scully assures him he doesn't have to prove anything-- including making himself seasick by trying to bond with her.

@o6666666's (Ao3)

Untitled

""Martha’s Vineyard, he’d said, this weekend, and she’s already teased him that he ever thought it might be a hard sell. His Scully is made for the beach. Not least because her body is pink and freckled and cut from stone, but mostly because the ocean recognizes her at once—a Scully, one of its own—and she opens her heart to it like she does to her mother and small children, allowing her wild laugh and squeaky voice and a sort of space-taking that seems fundamentally opposite to the space-taking she does at work, with clipped tones, and where the littler she speaks, the more powerful she seems.

(By contrast: When he woke up this morning she had all the covers, and her arms were spread out like wings across the whole bed. “You cozy?” he’d whispered, sidling closer. She’d tucked him right in with her with a kiss to his nose. And doing the breakfast dishes together, he’d heard it—this dry little fart. She’d turned to him with wide, guilty eyes and he’d rat-tailed her, lightly, with the dish towel and whistled: “Scul-ly!”)""

Post Closure? Mulder takes Scully on a boating trip to the Vineyard-- and she boats, happily, like a crazy person.

Untitled

""Mulder, I can’t sail.”

He grinned. “Sure you can.” He was sure Scully knew the methodology of sailing. Perhaps Scully could sail like she could drive. When she was a little girl she could sail, and when she was six she accidentally hit Captain Scully in the head with the boom.

AU-- S9 Mulder bought Scully a boat for her 40th. The two go sailing while Maggie watches their son.

@scapegrace74-blog/scapegrace74's Pandora's Box

""He’s been at loose ends since his mother passed away, and she draws an invisible line around him, daring anyone else to cross it and touch his tender heart.  There are a million daily reminders of loss: calls from the family attorney, paperwork to sign, a father’s voice rising from a tour group outside the Hoover Building, “don’t wander too far away, Sam!”

So when he asks her to run this simple errand, she leaps at the chance to help."" 

Post Closure Scully finds an engagement ring in Mulder's things; and the two realize their weaknesses-- fear to take it to the next step for fear of guilt-tripping the other-- pale in comparison to their strengths.

@alienbaby-babymama/ABBM515‘s Potential

""Even though it had only been a few weeks since their partnership became an “official” partnership, Dana Scully would never have to be asked twice to spend a weekend by the water.

Mulder had mentioned in passing that he wanted to get his mother’s house prepared for sale. The place was big, required maintenance, and the memories engrained in the walls and floorboards of the house was not something he wanted to deal with. The property deserved love again. He just wasn’t sure he was the one to give it.""

Mulder and Scully-- still not dating post Closure-- sort out how to use Martha's Vineyard: a rental property so they can subsidize their IVF treatments.

@gabby-msr/ScullytoyourMulder/scullytoyourmulder993's

A Love Captured

""That night was special. In high school, I was the kid whose sister had gone missing. I guess it was some kind of curse. I was a bit of a pariah. Even on the baseball team,” he said, and he saw her frown in disapprobation.  

“But that night, it didn’t matter. We stayed on the diamond celebrating well into the night, the team and other people, too. Some people drank. I didn’t, I still had to drive myself home. People congratulated me.”

"I’m glad,” she told him, squeezing his hand. “I’m glad baseball brought you some happiness.”

“It did,” he said, but there was something sad about the way he said it.

“What is it?”

“My parents - they’ve never seen me play,” he admitted."" 

S8 Monica is trying to understand the late Agent Mulder. While snooping through his office, she finds memorabilia from his and Scully's vacation to the Vineyard post-Je Souhaite. Their trip was about him rediscovering and reinvigorating his past-- all of it: Samantha, his parents, Diana, and everything else-- with a newer, fresher start.

FatCat's Scully Pride

""Where's the car your mom rented? What did she get us, a convertible?" I grinned.

"Uh, no, it's not a convertible. It's over there." Scully pointed up the street toward a Toyota Corolla.

"Scully? A Corolla? I can't fit into a car that small comfortably."

"Uh, no, Mulder. Not the Corolla, the... erm... one in front of it."

I looked again and whistled. "A Cadillac Escalade? Your mom rented a Escalade for us?"

"She said something about it being handy to have with so many guests around." She couldn't meet my eyes. I knew she was embarrassed.

"Scully," I leaned down to force her to look at me. "Your mom told me about your Aunt Maeve. It's okay. I had some relatives just like her so I do understand.""

AU-- Mulder offers the Vineyard to Maggie's snobby relatives, good-naturedly hosting their get-together. The love bomb and a proposal is dropped; and Charlie fights Scully over her initial refusal.

WordsSpillFromMyOpenVeins_89's Weekend At Martha's Vineyard

""Less then ten minutes later, William was fast asleep on the floor and snoring with Ishy next to him.

Mulder pat the back of William's head, ran his hand down is back, feeling the rise and fall of his tiny chest.

"Oof. Don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this, bud. You're growing up", Mulder whispered against his floppy auburn hair.

Mulder reached out his right arm, to brace against the wall before taking the last two steps up to the second level of the Hamptons Style Bungalow.

Mulder carried William up to his bedroom, unlaced his converse sneakers and placed them on the floor, at the foot of the bed. Carefully covering William with the Van Gogh Starry Starry Night bedspread and tucking the edges under him, to keep him warm.""

AU-- S9 Mulder, Scully, Will, and their dog all vacation at Martha's Vineyard. While there, Mulder proposes; and all is chummy and famfic-y.

Enjoy!

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

Weekly Update for 27 March, 2023

Howdy, folks! Welcome to the last update of March! Time really has flown, jesus-

Mind Games: Trepidation

Onto our favorite subject! If you guys haven't seen, there have been multiple edits pushed for mostly Chapter 1 and 2 this week! These edits have added new options to some dialogue choices, some customisation choices, and some variation to certain spots where I saw I favored sarcastic MCs over others. There have been a couple of grammar fixes pushed in Chapter 3, 4, and 5, but I have not done a more thorough editing of those chapters; after putting in some achievements, my brain kinda just. Flat-lined and needed a break, lol!

I have gotten LOADS done on Chapter 6! I am actually in Scene 3/4 for the rough draft, with about half of Scene 3's rough draft completed. Again, the rough draft is just me going through and picking one option for each branch and getting through the story so I know where it'll go when I go back to flesh it out! However, that's still a LOT of progress!!! The whole chapter is at about 5,600 words, and before doing the update I had started editing Scene 1 for a bit to start fleshing out so it's not so much work later.

A few things with MG:T:

In case you aren't aware, MG:T is only expected to be 9 Chapters, NOT including Interludes and the Epilogue. We are over 50% done with the game! VERY EXCITING!!! (Especially as I am ITCHING to get to book 2, lol!)

Chapter 6 is expected to be out in April. I will be releasing it in full as I'm expecting it to be a small to average size chapter.

I am always open to feedback and suggestions! Honestly, I would REALLY LOVE for you folks to tell me where you think improvements could be made or where you'd like to see more choices/what kind of choices you want to see more of. Be the change you want to see, lol!!

Remember: Every time an update is pushed, your saves will be corrupted! I try to push things all at once, but I never know how much I'll get done at any one time so sometimes I push smaller updates over a course of a day. If you aren't seeing anything new, it might be because your save is before the update was pushed!

I am still checking this Google Form! I am considering making one that is all about feedback and suggestions, and I DO check the one that's listed there daily! I actually have an active list of suggestions and stuff people have given me, and I do try to take the stuff you guys tell me needs fixing and put those fixes into the game!! Those of you who have answered the feedback section have been amazingly helpful and I appreciate it so much!!!

In case you missed it, I do have a page up now that has a list of all the free scenarios I've posted in the past and present, at least, the ones I could find! It also has a list of sneak peeks from Patreon I've posted! Some of them are a bit outdated as they're from, like, when I first started writing the game back in 2018-2019, but they're still enjoyable!

There is a poll up on Patreon right now that ends in 2 weeks! It's letting Patrons vote for which RO(s) will 100% be featured in April's scenarios for Patreon, and as a special treat, one of the 2 chosen ROs will be available to the lower tier as well! And, the lower tier can always vote in polls. The tier prices are $3 and $10, with $3 opening up polls, a sneak peek, discord benefits, weekly update+ content, and credits mentions (I will be putting every Patron I've had in the past in the credits of the game(s) they were supporting me during development!), with occasional monthly bonuses. The $10 tier opens up EVERYTHING I have, and everything that gets posted monthly!

I think that's all I got to tell y'all this week! See you at the next update! (Where I can hopefully confirm being done with at least one of the scenes in Chapter 6, hehe.)

[youredreamingofroo]

📩 Simblr question of the day: It's time to appreciate the small things! What's a small detail from one of your posts that you love? Could be a small tattoo on a sim, specific clutter in a sims' room, a little detail in a render or screenshot, whatever is applicable to you (p.s. I've been scouring simblr, and I've noticed people don't like how picky SQOTD feels, so please! Share around SQOTD asks, anon or not, I'm only one person and can't find and ask every person on simblr ~ 💛)

Thank you to SQOTD Anon and other Anon for the asks!! (I'm presuming we're gonna start seeing dupe asks with this getting passed around now LMAO)

I RELIGIOUSLY put small details in my renders and stuff, so take a shot (or sip of juice) for every small detail i point out /j LMAOO

- -

starting off with my most recent post, whether u wanna call these small or not, im still gonna point them out - the next panel after "I'll see you in a weeks time" you can see the text box is still there, which is just a play on perspective, you can also see the lyrics from the Beabadoobee song in frame on the ticket close-up shot AND finally (for this post), a more subtle detail, is the fact that the box with the "-$158" casts a shadow! I gave a before and after, thats how subtle it is and how subtle i wanted it to be :)

That's the one I wanted to share the most, but if you want to see and read about more details (small or just overlooked/overlookable), I'm adding a couple more under the cut :)

- -

- -

Lighting isn't so much a small detail, but a detail that I think is important and am sharing a couple (not all) moments where I used colored lighting to create contrast or just to outline characters or where I just felt it was important to use specifically-colored lighting:

Just gonna speedrun explain these: Leo's colors are red/red-ish pink and green is the opposite of pink, which I used in that specific render, so it was a nice contrast Hero's colors are a range from Red - Orange - Yellow-ish Green - Green Vanella's (A sim I havent talked about before!) color is Blue and I used blue both as lighting for the walkie talkie and to make her stand out from the background Leo and Roo's colors are [respectively] Pink/Red-ish pink and Purple, I like to, especially in these kinds of renders with no background, use these colors to highlight them and their favorite/representing color Same as the last, I used yellow and purple/pink to contrast the two, with blue as a sort of undertone(?)

Also if you look at the W.A.S Teasers, Green, Yellow and Blue are meant to highlight the different characters and sort of set them apart from each other

- -

in this post/render-set, I wanted to show (whether u see it as a big or small detail again idk, i see it as small/medium) just how exhausted Harvey/Younger Roo was and how sorry Roo was/felt, hence the slumped over body and Roo tightly hugging him

- -

you wont see this for a bit (until i muster up the energy for a flashback Hiraeth render), but Leo DOES wear this sweater again after Roo said he loved it :)

- -

I will never get enough of this panel, i always eat it up everytime I see it... but anyways LMAO The small detail here is just the hair strands... I feel like I did SO well on not making them look exactly perfect but not exactly like... fake hair, kind of representing the "I cut my hair myself" look- also the fact that I managed to perfectly remove his glasses (via model editing in blender)... *chef's kiss*

- -

shoutout to you if you remember the first nirvana post... anyways, Obv the text isn't small but it's just the fact that you can interpret these two frames in two different ways (that I know of): One is that it's saying DONT. (as in dont grab her hand) and then she does her hypnotizing shabang and it says "DO IT" a bunch (like yk,, do it, grab her hand-) The other, is that it says "DONT. DO IT." (basically just saying DONT DO IT, with a period/comma however u see it) Not necessarily a render detail, but something i realized a while ago while looking at this

- -

And thats it! Thank you again for these asks!!! I love putting in small details or just details that might get overlooked SOOOO much :)

[spotaus]

HOWDY!!! I got another question about your little oc guys 😈!!! Where do they live? I’m trying to decide if one is living in a huge mansion, or maybe even if some are just wanderers across the galaxy with no home. Ooorrr if they are all just in one tiny suburban house heheh!

Ooooo and another good one that kinda goes along with this: are any roommates with each other?

(Also you make me smile and giggle every time I see your ocs! You make me happy never stop 😭👍)

AHHH!!! HI!!!! Always happy to see you back, Anon! ♡♡♡ (and ooh??? I hope you'll drop another ask if what I throw out here helps ur curiosity lol! You spoil me with compliments too!!!)

This is a bit of a silly one since a lot of their stuff is Omega!Timeline style... but for ease I'll explain my world building vibes: I call the space where all these guys exist the Goldverse. Most of my ocs travel the multiverse, abd those who do have AUs usually exist in a different timeline to end up there. So, we'll be going off of Goldverse lore here! (<- It's the home-universe of Eternal Ashes) Everyone can freely move between AUs and timelines.

Ichor: His universe (in GV) was destroyed by the Human. He lives in the Omega Timeline in a little apartment in a "city" portion! It's cozy, a living room, a nice bed, a kitchen, a bathroom. The usual! More cushy than most apartments in the area tho (favoritism lmao) EDIT: His apartment is actually 2 bedroom because he has Sons to watch over. They're immortal and don't stay with him often, but they do need an extra set of beds lol-

Pretender: His universe was... also destroyed by his human. Kinda. He ends up living in a suburb house, I think, on the outskirts of a city. Two bedrooms, two bath, one floor + a basement. He visits the city often though, and can be spotted staying across the multiverse when given the chance (ex. Nightmare's Castle)

N: ??? She just kinda pops into existence when she's needed. But also? She's a couch-surfer and sleeps under the stars. Ichor once found her on his couch in the morning, had no clue how she got in. (So, occasional roommate to Ichor :3)

Orchid: Lives strictly with Nightmare in his castle, even post-story EA. She has her own room that's decorated in purple decor and dreamcatchers she made and a bunch of books! Very Cozy. (I say strictly. Sometimes she goes to Underswap and stays with the bros there for a week or two when she gets overwhelmed.)

Reset: Used to live with Geno in the save screen (he and Kane went out to visit Reaper often tho) but now he has his own place in the Omega Timeline. An apartment, a few buildings down from Ichor. A bit small, but filled to the brim with video games and movie posters. And guitars. He's not the best at playing, but no noise complains yet, so that's good!

(The two above Eventually might be roommates, but as of now they get limited (and supervised) times that they can see eachother due to the whole.. genocide thing.)

Stereo: Post-EA he lives with Fresh still (I Imagine it to be like a random house in a void or maybe a Van? Yeah, I could see Fresh living that Van/Modified Bus life). It's an ever-changing living situation tbh, but Fresh is a good role-model, so who's to judge?

Monochrome: He's living with Cross after the whole EA situation. Aka, he lives in Nightmare's castle too. His room is one over from Orchid's and has a bunch of art supplies and crafts happening constantly. Orchid doesn't mind him, but does Not let him in her room... (Unless he's having a nightmare.)

Teddy: She has two houses! One that Ink made for her in a pocket void (she only goes there to sew now) and Haphazard's house in the Omega Timeline. She likes staying with Hap because he's her older brother, and she also hates being alone. (She's also been known to stay with Stereo or Sprite and Merlot.)

Haphazard: A house in the Omega Timeline as previously stated. Pre-story he never had time to stop moving so he ended up sleeping very little, but post-story he and Lost move in together and relax a bit.

Shotput: A lil different, he moves from AU to AU. Technically he prefers a Royalty AU (the one where he met his boyfriend, Roman) because it's an au where his parents actually pay attention to him. Besides that though, he'll bum at Nightmare's (thanks to Killer) and does technically have a room but it's pretty barren. So, 90% he's at a castle.

Ark: Lives in the city. But like, specifically in the Lab sectors. Work-a-holic that's a danger to everyone? Yeah. No. He's gonna stay Mildly Contained.

[coreene-simblr]

Get to Know Me - Sims Edition

Thank you all so much for tagging me @papermint-airplane @treason-and-plot @hazely-sims I feel so grateful to have wonderful mutuals like you guys!

Answers are under the cut!

What’s your favorite Sims death?

I play Sims 3 the most so I'll answer it for that one. There are so many cool deaths in Sims 3, unfortunately I only experienced a few and in those my favourite is definitely the meteor one. I got this only one time in my 10+ years of playing. I remember it like yesterday, I had just made a new sim, was planning on playing a legacy and sent her to university. I shit you guys not she got hit by a meteor on her first class activity. As that was my only sim, the game was over xD

Alpha CC or MaxisMatch?

Ahh, hard to answer. You kind of have to go with Alpha hair in Sims 3. I remember I used a lot of Alpha cc for sims 2 back in the day. Before MM was this popular. I really do not like alpha cc in clothes for Sims 3 though. I guess a bit of both?

Do you cheat your sims weight?

I never actually felt the need to do that. I personally like exercise and my sims usually are on the active side as well and they keep good shape. I certainly don't mind seeing sims who are a bit on the heavier side around town.

Do you move objects?

Probably not as often as other simmers, tbh. I do build but I don't like clutter. If I feel the need to use it I will, but it doesn't happen often.

Favorite Mod?

Definitely Nrass MC. It just makes it so easier to fix some of the quirks this game can have. Also being able to just makeover townies, is a must for me. Even though I carefully select my randomizable outfits I'll still take them to cas for a touch up.

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

Ah, hard to remmeber. I think I had open for business in Sims 2 as my first expansion but the first one I specifically saved up money for was Late Night for Sims 3.

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing?

Alive.

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

Kara Down, had a post dedicated to her a few weeks back and it's here xD

Have you made a simself?

Eh, not on looks exactly like myself but definitely on traits, Kara is pretty much me/my alter ego. I made her when I was 12 and didn't know how much I liked dancing or clubbing xD Realized it after I grew up and got to do those things, haha

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

Hmm, there was this hair mutation my only 4 generation legacy had. It was a very nice shade of blonde, I liked that.

Favorite EA hair?

For Sims 3 it's this hair Karen has in this post.

For Sims 2, harder to choose. I love all these ( 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 ) my favourite is gonna be the Bella hair.

Favorite life stage?

Always gonna be YA. In every iteration. Loved university stuff in Sims 2 and I love that stage in all other games.

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

Well, I like building the lots my sims play in. A lot of the cc lots out there have too much clutter and I do not like clutter. Whenever I download a lot I'll end up deleting all those decorations anyway so why bother. Adding the fact that I'm an architect in RL, I just notice, specially in residential lots, some no-no's we were thought in school.

Short answer is, I build them for myself to play in and share just in case if people would like to add my things to their games.

Are you a CC creator?

I haven't dabbled with creating meshes but did some recolours, tattoos, lots or whatever. Am I a cc creator tho? Nah, I just share the stuff I make for myself.

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

Sim Squad? No. Simblr friends? I would like to think, yes. I consider people I chat regularly under posts as my simblr friends :D

Do you have any sims merch?

nope

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

nah

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

I am in more control of the town but less in control of my sims these days if that makes sense? I try to do what they would wish to do and leave certain things to their autonomy.

What’s your origin id?

Do not use origin. I have the games on discs and I created their disc images long time ago. I use the no-disc crack for them now as I couldn't set the disc image to work for Sims 3 on this laptop.

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

I do not have that much cc for sims 3 but first people that comes to my mind are @sweetdevil-sims and @simlicious. Love their edits to simple maxis clothes and simlicious' patterns. They are out of this world in quality! looking at @aroundthesims for some objects I find myself looking for also.

How long have you had simblr?

I think I have been sharing my lots on @simsitecture since 2017 but haven't interacted with the community much back then due to my main blog being something else. I changed this blog to be a simblr I think about a year ago and since then I've been more active here.

How do you edit your pictures?

I have a few actions for brightness and saturation in PS. I use those on images I think that are too dark etc. Nothing else.

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite?

Sims 2: Nightlife

Sims 3: Late Night

Sims 4: Get Together

Hmm, think there is a pattern there...

I think most of you guys have already done this but I'll tag some people I haven't seen share this yet. There is no pressure to do this and also if you want to do it and haven't been tagged consider this your tag!

Tagging @simstryingtheirbestok @zergula @ts3strayastray

[blazingstaro]

DotS Update: March Edition!

Apologies for the lack of post activity lately! Came down sick with real bad allergies this past week (hay fever? Maybe a head cold? Not sure, can't afford to see a doctor), which followed a migraine that reeaaaally overstayed its welcome. Good news: no more light sensitivity, yay! Bad news: My head is more stuffed than a jalapeño popper, and just as deep-fried

I've had a post on DotS' Dark Meta Knight in drafts for a long while, so I've decided to post it for you all! Give you guys a little tasty something to chew on while I work on some more stuff! Not sure why I hadn't posted it sooner other than possibly just straight up forgetting XD Sorry about that!!

While I've been down from my sinuses going on strike, I continue to work on a lot of changes to my comic! I've been working on simplifying my style to ebb a little closer to how it was in the beginning, but more refined and streamlined. It'll still be real pretty (especially in important panels 👀), just easier for me to whip out. I realize I had burned myself out a year ago because I was putting too much detail into things that really didn't need it, and started falling back into my perfectionist habits.

Like hey, professional comics are stuffed with lazy and quick lines, and it still looks great, so why should I try to conform myself to printing out extremely high quality art every single page? I'm not trying to set a standard or prove anything, I'm just telling a story and sharing it omg

I started this comic for fun, and fun I shall have! It'll still look great for you guys, I won't be terribly lazy with it; I'll just have a more streamlined approach now, and will have predominantly cell shading rather than my signature soft-cell style ouo/

Behind the scenes, I've been playing around with some ideas revolving a certain character, and it's been giving me a lot of practice with comics, since it's been so long. Getting me back in the mind and grind of churning out page after page, sketch-wise, and helping me get back in touch with my root skills.

I'll be sure to share some examples here later, once I've done some full colored trials with this, see what you guys think!

I will probably no longer do colored text from here onward in my comic pages, mainly because it's a hassle to manage (it's pretty time consuming as well). However I'm pretty skilled at directing dialogue, so it should never be a question as to whom is speaking on any page. ouo7

On one final note, a certain official Kirby character has stolen my heart and wormed their way into among my top favorites, nevertheless stole a spot in my story AAAAAA (I understand the appeal now omg)

You guys might be able to guess, but I'll post a confession after this news blurb LOL

I can't stop drawing this funny lil' guy

This has consumed my life entirely and there's no signs of stopping

h e l p

[wish-i-were-heather]

what's your favorite conan gray song?

soo this is my 100 follower event? wow okay 100 is a big number (well actually 180 now wtf stop following me im not that funny). im lowkey shocked because its been 15 days... i accidentally deleted my blog and then remade this new one 15 days ago. thats like barely 2 weeks? so, uh, thats a lot very fast. i love every single one of you thank you so much for caring about the stupid things i have to say and my silly little fics <33 ~ [INTRO POST HERE]

followers...

LOOKALIKE~ i'll assign you a fictional character that you/your blog reminds me of and explain why!!

"i know in your head you see me instead, cause he looks a lot like i did back then. baby don't lie, it's just a lookalike"

LONELY DANCERS~ i'll give you a song based on the aesthetic of you/your blog!!

"we're lonely dancers, join me for the night. we're lonely dancers baby, dance with me so we don't cry"

GENERATION WHY~ ask me any question and i'll answer truthfully!! (within reason ofc, i'm not giving out my address)

"we get into trouble and loose our minds, something that i've heard a million times in my life, generation why"

MOVIES~ i'll ship you with a fictional character and make a moodboard for you two (pls give gender/any other preferences)

"in my head we're dancing in the dark, in my head we kiss under the stars. but we know that's not what we're doing, cause baby this ain't like the movies"

BOYS AND GIRLS~ i'll make an edit of pretty much anyone/anything (fictional or not, but this is a very vague so pls pls pls give details)

"i want you, i want you, i want you to need me. i need you, i need you, i need you to love me. i want you, i want you, like everyone else here tonight"

PEOPLE WATCHING~ i'll write a short oneshot (under 1k words) about any character x reader or ship

"i wanna feel all that love and emotion, be that attached to the person i'm holding. someday i'll be falling without caution, but for now i'm only people watching"

HEATHER~ i'll give you an outfit specifically with a sweater i think you'd wear, hence the song

"you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester but you like her better, i wish i were heather"

moots only...

BEST FRIEND~ where we'd go/what we'd do if we hung out together + moodboard

"that's my fucking lifeline, thats my ride or die like, thats my fucking hate you but you know that that's a damn lie. baby you're my best friend, best friend"

(CAN WE BE FRIENDS?)~ i'll tell you my first impression of you (none are negative i promise)

"could you be my best friend? let's hang out every weekend. go driving every night, stare at people that we like"

rules/extra

1~ please give any specific details you want for any (like trope of the fic or song for the edit, etc) 2~ i'm not very organized so idk how many i'll do per day 😭 but you send however many you want just one per day per person pls 3~ i don't have a date for how long it's just until i say it's done because im indecisive...

tagging <3

@maybxlle

@lauffey

@myhyperfixationisbooks

@never-enough-novels

@apollosmusee

@xoxonxo

@sweetnnaivete

@whatsamongus

@pinkwinesupernovas

@letmeliveinelfhame

@two-braincells-in-total

@tornqdowarnings

@littlemissmentallyunstable

@nqds

@ramblings-of-lola

@lxvebelle

@alwaysthefangirl

@just-tough-love

@riordanness

@reyreadersblog

im tagging some of my moots but any of you can request the moots only stuff even if ur not tagged- and if ur not tagged then omg i wanna get to know u more!! <3

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE I LOVE U AHH

[dracereads]

Progress Positive Friday

Hello! How are ya'll doing today? This is my first progress positive Friday since I got back. I skipped last week because I was still figuring out my schedule and how I wanted to approach certain things moving forward. So Now that I'm at least an inch closer in another direction with that, I'm restarting. This one is kinda long so I'll stick it under a read more.

Where's the August Wrapped? So I have decided I won't be making an August Wrapped. Unfortunately, I have sat down and reviewed a lot of the content I made for August, looked at what all I finished reading, and other stuff... and I just feel like there isn't much to celebrate, and what there is was overshadowed by my cancer scare at the end of the month. So. I couldn't decide on a good way to write a wrap to conclude August in a way that I liked. so I'm just going to mash it all into progress positivity. Which is why it's going to be longer than normal. So thank-you to W1 and W2 Drace for working extensively on fixing the broken tag links in the navigation, consolidating and working on the tag list so that we can remember them more when doing posts, and making self-guides and templates so that you can just make things together in a cohesive manner. Consistency is so difficult for me and this makes my life so much easier and more organized. September Goals

Continue to work on Nostalgia November! We have made a lot of progress already, but we need to keep going!

Maybe take some time to revisit some titles? I need to start integrating storygraph and goodreads into this stuff too at some point. So maybe pay a few of my favorites a visit?? could be fun and a new excuse to take pictures with halloween decs.

just0nemorepage's traveling book project

One thing that I got in on in August was just0nemorepage's travelling book project. My own copy of my book should be arriving today, and I am very excited to start chronicling my adventures through Alexis Hall's The Affair of the Mysterious Letter!

with the book club, I am going to be waiting until the end to share additions and edits to the books that I make. I want to show them off all together. You may (or may not depending on how the others feel about them) see what I've done on the others that are part of this project. : ) I am so stoked and ready to go.

Dracereads turns one year old!

Officially, Dracereads has turned 1 this month! That's such a thrilling announcement! Unofficially though, I only started doing posts for this blog in December.

I let my anxiety and perfectionism get the better of me, and I really want you all to know that it was dumb. I've had a blast making mistakes and figuring this out. I don't know why I was so afraid to make the leap after I've made it you know?

I put out a post on Wednesday saying thank-you to everyone who puts up with me, and I want to say thank-you again here too. Why? Because I have been told I am stupidly (and overly) sincere about small stuff.

I am very happy because I have loved every second of it and this blog is exactly what I wanted it to be. My only real goal was to make a blog chronicling my adventures in books, maybe make a whole bunch of bad jokes along the way, and occasionally have good discussions with some awesome people. The past year has been a really fun dive into reading again. The habit of picking up a book and tossing back a couple of chapters to relax is a very good coping mechanism... and I am honestly glad I've gotten it worked back into my life. it has also helped me pick up a few other healthier and creative-ended habits that I can hop to and from as necessary. It's all leading to good things, I swear! Anyway, thank-you as always for reading until the end. I think saying it at the end is a bit of a cliche because like. youtubers and whatnot do it too?? but I like. get why. People really care about the things that they make, and it's always such a fucking amazing feeling whenever someone gives a little bit of their day to enjoy or appreciate in their own way the thing you've just made. Whether it's fanfiction, blog posts, crappy edits. Knowing someone cared enough to actually put the time in and read it is awesome.

--Drace Out.

[minisception]

2021 Summer Painting Challenge: Retrospective

Summer has come to an end, and with it Warboss Tae's 2021 Summer Painting Challenge. That was... a lot of painting, most of which has been collected above. Huge thanks go out to Tae - if you haven't checked out his youtube channel you can do so HERE, as well as to all of the other participants. There were a lot of cool projects, and you can see them all on Tae's discord HERE.

My main goal in participating was to get together a fully painted starter army together. Despite some stumbles along the way I'm happy to say I met that goal, with a small but playable Soulblight Gravelord core units of 20 skeletons, 20 zombies, and 10 dire wolves, a couple elite unit options in the Blood-born and Vargskyr, plus a selection of hero options including a Vampire Lord that I'm quite proud of plus a couple necromancers, not to mention the named character options from Cursed City and the Underworlds Warbands.

Speaking of underworlds, I now have three fully painted warbands to play against my roommate in that game. And I made some progress on the long overdue Ravenguard commission, so that's cool.

More importantly, for the first time since I came up with this paint scheme way back when the Oldhammer Fantasy 8th edition Vamp Counts book was released, I finally have enough painted models to put them all together and have a feel for the overall effect, and yeah, I'm pretty happy with it.

I definitely learned a few things along the way - though as per usual it mostly came from mistakes. Looking at what I learned/screwed up month by month...

JUNE

Pledged - Cursed City, 3 Underworlds Warbands, 4 Sidequests Completed - Everything, though the Sidequests got extra time

June was the only month where I actually met my pledge, despite it being the most ambitious of the pledges by a fair bit. But the pace I set was absolutely unsustainable and I was already crashing by the end. In the future I'll have to set a more realistic pace.

Other things I learned: Don't use your good brush for washes (RIP my favorite brush), you can wash a wet palette in the dishwasher, but only if you take it out before the dry cycle (RIP my palette). I also think I went a bit too excessive on the greens. I want the army overall to be darker so the greens pop more, so moving forward I'm using more black cloth, reserving green cloth for detail bits, and details like gravestones and rope that I painted ghosty greens on the June models are greys and browns after.

On a more positive note, I really liked how the black armor with green highlights turned out on the Crimson Court, and have decided to make that the distinctive feature of vampire models in my army going forward. The process is a pain, and I will eventually have to go back and re-paint the dragon lord's armor to match, but it's worth it.

JULY

Pledged: 10 Zombies, 10 Dire Wolves, Rhino Completed: 10 Zombies, Rhino

I was already crashing hard when July started and ended up spending most of my free time in the early part of the month playing video games. I though I had balanced this out by aiming for a reduced pledge and not committing to daily updates, but a smaller pledge than June was still way too more than I could sustainably handle, and without the daily updates I ended up letting my break run on way too long, plus I was stuck out of town for a week. But while I may have failed my pledge, I still got 10 nice looking zombies done, plus the commission rhino, which is a lot for me, and I was really on a roll going into August.

The main thing I learned is that regular posting does a lot to keep me engaged with the hobby, and that's something I'd like to try to continue after the challenge is done.

AUGUST

Pledged: 10 Skeletons, 5 Blood Knights, 1 piece of terrain Finished: 10 Skeletons, July's Dire Wolves, June's Sidequests

I honestly should have known better that to pledge so much with so much leftover work to do, including the sidequest tutorials that I still needed in order to confirm my project from back in June, but I was on a high and on a roll at the end of July, and I let my ambitions get away from me. And I knew almost immediately that I had made a mistake, just assembling the Blood Knights I could tell that each one of them was going to require more work than most of the heroes I've painted.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the most important thing I learned. The most important thing was that Army Painter brand black primer is SUPER grainy, to the point of obscuring some of the surface texture and details of the models I sprayed it on, which tragically includes the Blood Knights. They weren't quite as badly done by as the poor skeletons, but on such a cool and important unit it's still a bit disheartening.

On a positive note, I learned from the dire wolves that hexwraith flame can be used in my paint scheme to punch up saturation a bit & add a bit of slimy green gore effect that I quite like. At some point I'll have to go back and use it to punch up the zombies & maybe the zombie dragon a bit.

So where do I go from here?

I'm going to be out of town till the middle of next week, but when I do get back I want to keep up the monthly goals with regular update posts. Maybe not every day, but a few times a week at least. But I don't want this to be my only hobby, either. I got games to play, and now that hectic summer vacation schedules have calmed down I've got a family D&D campaign to start running again. Plus some other stuff to work on. So I'm going to try to keep future commitments more manageable. One unit per month sounds about right.

I need to make some more progress on the Raven Guard commission, and I want to save October for something spooky and undead, so for September I think the one unit will be a Raven Guard landspeeder.

I'd also like to actually get to the local store to try to get a game or two in with my newly painted models. If I do, I'll be sure to take some pictures and report back to you on how badly I get thrashed.

[upsidedown-cats]

Hey everyone! Sorry I just disappeared for ~two weeks, randomly came on here every few days, reblogged three posts, and left again.

Life’s been rough, especially with school. I’m having a really hard time lately, and I'm super busy and overwhelmed.

But today I realized coi comes out in a week, so I’m back. I really feel like I’m missing something but I have no idea what, so I will probably edit this in a few minutes :)

Edit: Told you this would happen! I don't think anyone doubted me on that. I didn't actually forget anything though, I just needed a place to put some stuff that I'm doing.

Hopefully I will completely update my masterlist soon but it probably won’t be all that soon, because: a. I haven't done anything with it in months, b. I’m really busy, c. I have Not Great Tag Organization, and d. I'm going to try to fix my Not Great Tag Organization.

So yeah, that'll be awhile. And then, I was thinking about tagging stuff I create- fics, headcanons, moodboards- as something like, I create stuff, or my creations, or something along those lines. And possibly also more specifically? As in, for headcanons, I could do canon is mine? How do y’all feel about that? And then tagging memes and all that jazz with I think I'm funny, or I try to be funny, or- I really don't know. And possibly my favorite stuff I’ve done with I’m so proud of myself? This is so hard, I don’t know what to put. Please let me know what you think?

I also realized the other day that I've never tagged specific anti character posts?? I'm very sorry, and I will try to fix that too. I'll go through those as well, but I'm not totally sure how well it'll work, because of my Not Great Tag Organization. So it'll be, for example, anti lucie herondale, except you will never see hate for my queen on this blog. She’s amazing. I love her.

And uh, please, please, please give me suggestions for tags?? Coming up with titles and stuff is really hard for me. See: all my fics with super weird names that almost work but don't. Y’all are my only hope. So tell me!!

This got way too long so I'm done now, bye!💖💖💖

[moonboo127]

I already posted a finnish version of this on my other blog. I rarely post stuff like this but I want to open up a bit because of things that have occurred recently.

For many years I've had a lot of trouble being in school because of my assumed depression. I've been jumping from school to school and taken a gap year and yet every time I return to school it feels like nothing has changed.

And now after this whole COVID-19 situation got out of hand and school lessons turned in to web classes my already non-existent motivation and school performance took a big nosedive. It got so bad that I technically got kicked out because of that.

I started to see a psychologist just before that so I could possibly get help for my depression. After few visits I started to realize that maybe depression wasn't the biggest problem I had but something else. We started to talk more about how I had trouble concentrating. I even filled out a big pile of papers with questions about things like if how well I can keep track of time or how easily distracted I am by sudden sounds etc. Slowly I realized what we were after.

ADHD.

I mean yeah I had thought about it years back in high school when one of my favorite youtubers made a video about how he has ADHD and what's it like. And weirdly enough I could relate to every word he said.

Later I told my mom about but...Well. I don't think it's very convincing to hear your own daughter to say that she had ADHD because some guy on the internet happened to describe few things in a relatable manner. I should have researched a bit more and brought up some actual facts but I trusted my mom. Because there is no way my mom could be wrong and I must be just overreacting. So I decided to forget about it.

Of course I don't hate my mom because of that or blame her. The problem is that we don't talk enough about ADHD and in what variations it can be in. Not even my teachers were able to notice it.

"Heta is a smart kid, but she doesn't always pay attention to what she is being told"

"You have so much potential, but it's all going to waste because you are so lazy"

"Wake up. This isn't so hard. Can't you just pay attention just this once?"

For so long I've thought I'm a complete idiot and I can't do or learn anything. It always feels like everyone around me are getting by so easily and effortlessly and I'm being left behind. And then I'm being told

"Don't worry about it! Everyone goes at their own pace and you aren't in a hurry" but then it turns out to not be true either. When I start going in my own pace, I'm being too slow, it's not enough and I should hurry up.

But now when I finally know what's wrong I feel relieved. I've got the right medication and I've started rehabilitative work. Two times in a week I'll go to a place where I get to draw, edit pictures or videos. What ever I feel like doing that day.

What I want to say is that if you feel like there is something wrong, don't hesitate to seek help. It's never too late. And if someone close to you tells you for example that they feel like they might have depression, research and compare that person's behavior to the symptoms.

Take care of each other.

[sincerelydayyy]

How's Day?

Pretty fucking good right now.

So here comes a really happy update.

*Been writing every day this month for my novel (NaNoWriMo) and that's been so nice and exciting even when I'm half awake at night just trying to write a little before I fall asleep

*I've not be overly sad too much lately. I've had the lonely thoughts because I feel alone a lot because basically everyone I know is with someone and I'm kind of just here floating around trying to exist and find happy

*I received the obituary for great grandma and I didn't cry. I was writing at the time I got the email from my grandma so I gave myself a few moments to breathe and read again about my great grandparents who have a really interesting story about how they secretly got married when they were in high school and then moved from Texas to Cali to start their lives together and I just WHOA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I'm a little sad because I never knew this fact until both of their deaths this year so I don't know the story but it made me smile to see that in both of their in memoriam pieces. THEY WERE SO IN LOVE YOU GUYS

*Back to writing for a sec, my characters Charlie and Dana (these girls are beautiful) are so conflicting and interesting for me to write as in their respective povs. Kinda really happy to be inverting some common tropes found in f/m fiction and finding different ways to implement it for my f/f ladies. It's so goddamn inspiring. Also if anyone after I'm done this month would maybe wanna read it and give me feedback while I go back through it again, I WOULD LOVE THAT.

*work is getting crazy as you know the holidays are in full gear. I worked an 8 hours shift yesterday and I'm body hurts so bad. I'm not off until Thursday but that's okay.

*I have a routine this month if nothing else. I get up and almost immediately start writing (except today so far because I'm hurting so I'll write tonight instead), until work rolls around and then I do that and relax at night while being just excited to be writing something new the next day. It means a lot for me that the passion is still there.

*I suppose I'm back on tumblr considering I started reblogging stuff again. I would come in ever couple days just to dive into tags - mostly anime related and kastle because I missed my bbys.

*podcast episode was recorded last week??? I think??? Time is a concept I'm bad at rn. I just need to get around to editing and smashing it together so it can go up sometime soon. I'm just exhausted and focused at the same time on other stuff as you can see

*feel free to say hi so I won't feel so lonely I guess, I feel like I missed a lot - I know I missed a lot of people while I wasn't here really.

*I think that's it for the moment.

Here's a photo I took the other day (it was posted on fb and insta so it's not new) when I went early voting

PS I WAS TOTALLY WEARING THE MOLLY HOOPER WE CAN DO IT TEE!!!

- USA be sure to go vote tomorrow if you haven't already it so damn important I cannot stress that enough.

Oh and a shot from Halloween since I missed the tumblr stuff - my Jack Skellington kigurami is still my favorite thing 😍

Kbye

Much love,

Day