#i'm also struggling to try to define like... i'm disabled. i'm not who these conversations are about

[thespacesay]

one thing I feel like people miss in the discussions around the ridiculously low pay rates allowed for certain groups of disabled individuals is that in order to effectively change that, we first need to tackle funding for programs that support the types of disabled individuals who receive these pays. while i'm speaking to my personal connections to this, those low pay rates typically are social programs. these programs create jobs that are applied for via social workers assigned to disabled individuals by the state, and not through job applications. they are notoriously underfunded, primarily run by companies or groups who want to be seen as progressive, and typically are shut down rather than given increased funding.

for example: a recent change in a local pay rate for disabled individuals made it so my downs syndrome brother got like... $7 every two weeks (low hours + low pay) instead of $3. cool! for people who need more hours and the money it gives them, that sounds great!

but the thing is, at least for all the programs I know of, these programs are typically designed with people like my brother as the primary goal: adult disabled indiviuals for whom the goal of work is not to have a job, not to make money, but to provide a consistent socialization system. my brother is financially supported by our family, and he's disabled in ways where financial wellbeing is beyond his cognitive abilities. almost no money is put into the programs beyond paying a program manager, and it's generally used as a public "look at us, being so nice to provide for disabled adults!" thing. when my brother's pay went up due to legal changes... the company decided to simply end the program rather than invest in paying more.

again, i'm fully for raising their wages. I think the absolutely pitiful amount of money they're paid for legitimate work is terrible, and i'm well aware that my brother works with others who need what finances they can get through these jobs. but there's more to this than just wages. there's campaigning for better social programs so that there's something for them to fall back on. there's looking into how your local programs for disabled individuals are run, and ensuring they have enough money and equipement to provide a safe working environment for their workers. there's understanding who is paying these wages, what their goals are, and holding them accountable to helping disabled people instead of using people like my brother on an endless stream of advertisements to show how socially progressive they are.

and i'm really not joking about those ads. god, I really, really wish I was. my brother is visibly disabled, adores public attention, and very friendly. he's in like... 3 programs and featured in newsletters or ads probably 3-5 times a year. those programs have also let him wander out the door and not noticed for over an hour, fired program managers for manufactured reasons after they request funding for small but meaningful changes, and... been the local police. guess which group is the only one that never shuts down from a lack of funding?

I honestly can't tell you how best to help disabled people in your area. my needs as a disabled person are vastly different than either of my brothers, and all of us have terrible problems with employment not providing for us in vastly different ways. but if you're just tacking on "disabled people deserve better wages" to a broader "people deserve a living wage" with no nuance, you have got to understand that you can be actively harming the very people you want to support.

[nat20composure]

Man ok sorry I am constantly being critical on here but I keep thinking about how the shift from body positivity to neutrality happened and what sort of people spear headed it and getting really frustrated so I'm just posting it here:

I genuinely understand that a lot of people want to decenter the value of beauty from their lives because of the superficial nature of beauty and the Genuine Earth Shattering despair that caring about beauty can bring but like? One thing I have noticed is that a LOT of the people who are speaking in favor of body neutrality over body positivity are people who....are relatively close to or in proximity to the beauty standard?

And don't get me wrong, things like body dysmorphia and the Beauty Standard TM can hurt all sorts of people- It's kind of the point of them. The fact that nobody will ever be good enough for the standard is what keeps people consuming things and products that will bring them "closer" to it. But it does not escape me that a lot of the people who are pushing for body neutrality are also people that don't necessarily benefit from trying to broaden what we define as beautiful? Like....even if you don't FEEL beautiful, if you were a thin conventionally attractive white person, your proximity to the conventional beauty standard can leave you feeling like there is no need or benefit to actually challenging these beauty standards.

To clarify the perspective I am approaching this conversation from: I am a POC who is pretty "ambiguously brown". I benefit from colorism in the sense that I am of a lighter-medium tone of skin. And I have experienced some pretty drastic weight fluctuations since I was a child. I struggle pretty badly with body dysmorphia, and so I have no idea whether or not I am ugly or beautiful or whatever, but I have been bullied and complimented on my appearance on and off since childhood as well. For me personally the body positivity movement has been the Most helpful because it's actually forced me to confront and break down the preferences I was taught to have, whereas with body neutrality it was REALLY easy to slip into just. Passively allowing ableist, racist, and classist mindsets to wear me down.

I think it's also really important to recognize that allowing yourself to continue to passively hate YOURSELF for these things almost always always always leads to you inadvertently looking down on others for these same things. And these general beauty standards DEFINITELY inform how society as a whole treats people who do not meet the current ones.... When you're not being bullied because people think you are ugly, of course you do not feel any urgency about trying to fight the idea that you are.

I personally really appreciated the body positivity movement because of the way that it was proactively challenging those beauty standards to point out that one) our perception of beauty is rooted in a lot of racist and classist standards and two) that because beauty is subjective, it inherently applies to all of us?

I just feel like body positivity was doing a lot more to actually work on rewiring ones brain to confront the biases that they have and to garner more of a proactive appreciation for all kinds of bodies...Whereas with body neutrality, it can sometimes feel like it is? A bit of an excuse to never put in that work to acknowledge that fat people, or people with big noses, or people with acne, or people with darker skin, are also beautiful? It's really frustrating with me because I feel like it allows a passive coasting by of these mindsets that we were all raised with, with the argument that these are mindsets we were all raised with?

I think additionally I am also just a bit frustrated with the idea that there is a "better" standard to use when judging the value of one's body. I understand the mindset of prioritizing it's function over it's appearance....Also as a disabled person that does not make me feel even a little bit better or appreciatiative about/for my body.

I think personally what I wish the mindset was when it came to bodies was more like this:

-We acknowledged that the value of our bodies is priceless regardless of how functional or beautiful we are.

-We still worked towards unpacking our conceptions of what is and isn't beautiful: Challenged these harmful standards and allowed room for personal growth in the way that we view ourselves and other people.

-Prioritized personhood over both form and function while still allowing room and grace for the human parts of us that want to feel beautiful or want to not think about beauty at all.....

Just. Blah I have a lot of feelings and opinions about it but my main points are like) consider how your refusal to endure the discomfort of challenging your preferences affects and informs your treatment of other people and)

[accessibleaesthetics]

Hi! I love your blog! If it's okay, I'd like to request a bit of advice.

I have a physical disability (born legally blind due to albinism). I had spent a lot of time "masking" my blindness since I was 8 or so. I stopped using my cane in public, only used a screen reader when I had  earbuds, read braille in private, etc. I suppose in retrospect it was me trying to play into respectability politics, so I would stop getting the "how many fingers?" routine. It feels even more reinforced that the field I'm studying is considered too dangerous for someone with low vision.

As an adult, I want to let go of that shame and integrate properly with this incredible community. Yet, I feel like a fraud just by interacting. I know that my disability affects me in a multitude of ways that makes me qualified to be here, but I struggle to shake the feeling that others have it worse than me. I am privileged enough to be able to mask myself at all. Short version is: how do I know that I'm enough to be here? If I am enough, how can I get over this imposter syndrome and support my fellow disabled people?

Thank you for reading this, regardless of if you respond or not. Sincerely, I hope you have a good day! :D

First off, I invite any of my followers to comment or reblog this with their own input, especially those who are blind or low vision, since I am not. But I will do my best to answer based on what I know and believe, and what has helped me with my own imposter syndrome.

While it is obviously a privilege to be able to pass as abled, anyone with an invisible disability will tell you that it is sometimes as much a curse as it is a blessing. I'd be willing to bet you could think of some examples from your life that exemplify that too.

In fact, I'd go as far as to say that not being able to mask is also a privilege in some contexts. Being so visibly disabled that society no longer expects you to pretend like you are abled is a privilege, and not one that you enjoy, by the sound of it.

And that's the thing about privilege; too often, I think it's easy to get caught up in conversations about privileged groups and start to think that those are groups of people: the privileged and the not privileged. But it doesn't work like that. Literally every person on the planet is part of at least one privileged group and not part of at least one other privileged group.

You asked if you were enough to be "here," but where is "here"? I think defining that might help you zero in on exactly what arguments you are compiling against yourself, and more easily allow you to counter them.

For example, is "here" the disabled community? If so, I think it would be useful to remind yourself that everyone is part of some privileged groups and not part of others. Do others have it worse than you in some ways? Absolutely. But they might also have advantages that you do not enjoy. At the end of the day, the community isn't so much a place you need to earn a spot in as it is a collaborative effort to pool resources and find solace in the fact that we are not alone in our struggles.

[hiiragi7]

(**Note: This post is about CDDs and discussions of CDDs being trauma-based, not about origins or any relations between origins and CDD development, for clarification. This post also does not address any nuances of possibilities of CDDs which are genuinely not trauma-based, and centers the discussion around trauma-based CDDs, denial, trauma, etc.. Discussing any hypotheticals surrounding non-trauma-based CDDs is beyond the scope of this post and not the focus of what I am wanting to say here.)

So, I'm just chewing on a half-formed thought here, but... I wonder how many more conversations within syscourse and plural spaces would be more productive if we shifted our language in some conversations to "dissociation is often caused by struggles or suffering" rather than "dissociation is caused by trauma"?

Not because it's not traumatic, but because people get so... caught up on "What I went through wasn't trauma" that it feels like many discussions we have go nowhere.

This may seem like a very minor wording change, and you may argue they're synonyms in most if not all cases, but I want to remind people that... to most people, the word "trauma" is heavy, it takes time to accept, it's a big word to process, much less self-identify your experiences as being. Trauma is something which completely shifts your entire view of your life and your experiences. Trauma is life-changing.

Struggles or suffering may seem gentler as a word to some. It is an emotional state, it seems temporary.

Maybe some genuinely just do not view what happened to them as traumatic, maybe it's a symptom of the heavy denial aspect of CDDs, maybe it's a lack of awareness of what trauma is, either way we have people claiming heavy dissociative disorders without trauma, yet claim other life stressors as the cause - Things that they may not define as traumatic but another person absolutely would.

I think for a lot of people that... "trauma" is a very scary, big, heavy word with a lot of weight. And things that are not commonly discussed as traumatic may lead someone to believe their experiences were "normal" or "not bad enough to be trauma", even when suffering badly emotionally or mentally.

Also, within media and most social spaces most discussions of trauma and common trauma responses revolve around heavy things like war and trafficking and flashbacks and nightmares and addiction, it can be hard to know what trauma is and what a trauma response is for someone who is not familiar.

I've seen many people claim reasons that are either not as often spoken about in the context of trauma or those which have heavy stigma around them, such as chronic pain, lifelong medical issues, getting bullied at school, having neglectful parents, struggling academically, being socially isolated, growing up disabled, etc. as reasons they have a CDD without trauma.

These are all things I would personally consider traumatic, but I've had people argue with me about how it's not.

Trauma as a word also has a heavy and nearly inseperable association with abuse (even though not all trauma comes from abuse) which also brings up many, many complex feelings - Placing blame on an abuser for your suffering is not easy, not when it's someone who claimed to try to help you or love you or who told you it was love and that they were trying their best and only human. Especially not with those whose abuse is inconsistent or far in the past.

Most people cannot seem to view abusers and "good people" as being capable of being part of the same group. Because of this, people will go "well my mother is a good person, so she could not have abused me".

I believe with time many people will come to the conclusion on their own that it was traumatic, especially when given space and patience to process it as a traumatic experience, education on what trauma is, resources, and preferably professional help where possible, but I'm not going to force the trauma label onto them. That's their business and thing to figure out, not mine.

I think a lot of ways we discuss CDDs needs to be multi-approach and much more gentle.

Telling someone "DID only happens from severe childhood trauma, so if you have DID you have severe childhood trauma and need to accept that" will not often make someone come out of denial - If you have a person who does not even accept they have an ounce of trauma at all, how will they react to hearing they must have *severe* trauma, especially severe, often repeated, lifelong or multi-decade-spanning childhood trauma, likely beginning before they even reached their 10th birthday?

In my experience, often not well. It just leads to heavier denial, spiralling, worsening of symptoms, and in some people uncovering things they were not prepared for such as traumatic memories.

You cannot get someone to accept they have been traumatized before they accept they have been harmed, and you cannot get someone to accept they have been harmed before they accept their life was not all sunshine and rainbows. You cannot just skip steps like that without massive consequences. It is counterproductive and hurts people.

I really don't enjoy this culture within syscourse we have of someone with a CDD experiencing some of the most common symptoms of CDDs, such as heavy denial, amnesia, numbness to pain, not recognizing their own emotional reactions to their trauma, distancing from the trauma, etc. and viewing that as spreading misinformation rather than viewing this as a common struggle with CDDs. These people are not trying to be malicious, these people are having symptoms.

It may be maladaptive or unhealthy, but it is not an attempt to cause genuine harm.

The goal for them is not purposefully spreading misinformation, it is an attempt to make sense of themselves, their symptoms, their struggles, and their identity while also actively fighting off CDD symptoms such as amnesia and denial. That ends up with a person who may recognize some of the symptoms of a CDD within themselves but does not see the trauma or the harm done that caused it.

This is a disorder presentation, not a smear campaign against DID.

I personally find it much more helpful and honestly fulfilling to provide people with information on what trauma is rather than just saying they have it without explaining what trauma is, because I promise you when most people hear "trauma", especially "severe trauma", they are thinking rape, being beaten, warzones, being starved for days on end, kidnapping, trafficking, and things described in horrific crime cases.

They do not know that things such as feeling chronically unloved by your parents, failing in school, having an undiagnosed learning disorder throughout your childhood, being in chronic pain, being unable to connect with others socially or make friends, being forced into things you did not want to do which caused you stress or upset repeatedly (such as being forced to hug family members or the loss of autonomy many children may feel when being forced to go to events which may be incredibly stressful for them such as church) can also be incredibly damaging, because trauma is a response, not an event.

People also seem to misunderstand that trauma is not about your emotional reaction in the moment. People will say "I felt happy during it, and so I could not have been traumatized and feel weird calling what happened to me grooming", or "I felt numb or was able to laugh it off, so their comments or screaming did not hurt me, and so I am not traumatized by it".

People may recognize the actions taken during abuse as being wrong, but because they had an emotional reaction that was not complete panic and distress, they will not see the true extent of the damage done and will not see it as traumatic. This, ironically, is often a trauma response, if not even a trained response.

When we describe "severe trauma", it is not solely about the events or actions that happened to you, it's an extremely complex experience with a countless number of factors to consider. What may be highly traumatic to one person may not be to another.

Access to social and environmental supports during and after the trauma, ability to escape the situation, ability to regulate, your own natural reactions to the world around you, what mindsets you already had about the world and opinions about situations similar to the trauma before it happened, to give just a small handful of important factors to consider. It's not just about what happened but everything surrounding it too.

If you struggle seeing people talk about having a non-trauma-based CDD, consider just... blocking them instead of trying to bash it into them that they must have trauma, because it does not help.

If they are traumatized, there is a reason that denial is there and the reason may not be safe to peel back without a professional or at least a close friend to work through it with, and it absolutely isn't safe to do in a discourse setting with internet strangers.

It can be frustrating to watch someone describe what is obvious abuse or trauma in your mind while also watching them claim it was not abuse or trauma, but you will not get them to accept it by getting into an argument with them on the internet. If you don't know what you're doing, you can seriously fuck someone up by trying to strip those trauma responses away before they are ready and force them to accept trauma in an online discourse debate.

Vent about it in private, block them, create positive resources and information on CDDs and trauma responses which do not focus on forced sudden trauma acceptance, but don't go after others. Being pro-healing does not mean forcing someone to accept things they are clearly not ready for during a tumblr argument.

[olderthannetfic]

Partner with learned helplessness anon here!

Firstly, thank you, profusely.

Secondly, I think you hit on it in a couple places. They have an abusive parent with no boundaries who frequently berates and shames them when they try to set some. I'm sure it's that they don't feel empowered to seek information on their own because they've never had to; it gets dumped in their lap even when they're repeatedly saying they don't want it to be.

It's primarily asking me to explain easy, very common vocabulary with very simple definitions that they understand just fine when I link them. I had kind of hoped answering their questions by sending them wikipedia links might help them realize that the answers are easily found on wikipedia...but no dice.

There's definitely an element of anxiety, too. They ask for reassurance on things I think it would actually help them to seek out information about on their own, because their anxiety stems from lack of experience with the subject and learning about it would give them a sense of control and provide fact-based counters for their spirals. I understand wanting to hear it from your partner, but now that I chew on it, I think I'm enabling them a little on that front.

Just, for the record, we're long-distance and I have never, ever acted on any of my unkind impulses and snarked at them or snapped at them—the most I've done is silently step away from my computer for a few minutes. I know they're not doing it out of spite or to hurt me or from lack of intelligence. I also think they honestly don't realize it would take less time for them to look it up on their own than to wait for me to look it up for them. I can't hold my own avoidance against them; they have no idea I feel this way and it would be so unfair to put the blame on them because I struggle to assert myself.

(fwiw, there's no gendered aspect to this and we both have learning disabilities. It might be that they understand me more easily, but...I'm literally linking search results here, not actually changing the explanation in any way.)

I think...it's a lot of pressure. What if I got hit by a bus tomorrow and they don't know how to look things up on wikipedia? There's also that it interrupts conversational flow and I often feel like I can't just...talk about my day without having to stop and explain my word choices every three seconds. Especially when the thing that's easy to look up is the least important part of the story.

It's so petty and that's what bothers me. I feel like I shouldn't be irritated every time I have to divert a conversation to define vocabulary, but I do.

Thank you again. Even in a broad-strokes sense, I needed the gentle nudge that pretending I'm not silently seething doesn't actually stop me from silently seething, and the seething is the issue, not its volume.

--

I'm calling it now: this entire thing is a bad coping strategy for anxiety.

You need to essentially stage an intervention. They're not going to like it. No recipient of an intervention does.

But even if you were less annoyed, constant anxiety blasts at a friend or partner are not cool. That's not a strategy that overall manages the condition or leads to improvements over time. Asking for some reassurance is okay.

(LOL. I am legendarily allergic to being asked for reassurance about anxiety. One ping and I'm gone.)

But "some" is not what is going on now. Egregious levels are what is going on now. I suspect they feel cared for when you listen to their anxiety spiral, and it hasn't occurred to them to figure out what else would make them feel cared for or whether this is really a healthy way to get that feeling.

The constant asking for definitions while you talk about your day thing... hmm... I'd approach that as a flow issue: you need them to look things up more because it's hard for you to get your words out when you're digressing to define words. You don't feel listened to when they do this even though, perhaps to them, they're demonstrating how closely they're listening. That's the actual issue for that part, and one I think they'll be able to empathize with.

TBH, I think your reactions are entirely logical and more than justified, but even if they weren't, it's okay to be like "I know you love to give presents, but I need to hear the words 'I love you', and presents don't affect me very much emotionally."

The equivalent here would be "I know you don't mean to disrespect me, but that's how it ends up feeling, so I need you to do more X so I can feel more Y."

Like, emotions are dumb, yes? They come from chemical brain soup to ruin our days with irrational nonsense. It's okay to acknowledge that they're happening and that you need to do something about them.

You're both currently granting them this by letting them barf reassurance demands all over the conversation. Neither of you is currently giving your emotions this much importance.

With that garbagey parent, they literally do not know what a healthy conversation or relationship looks like, and whatever they've got with you is enough better that they're going to assume it's fine. It's time to put your foot down because they're never, ever going to figure this out without some concrete explanations in words.

And, to be honest, it sounds like they're causing you anxiety about how they'd cope without you. I think that is something they'd also be able to understand and find heartwarming instead of insulting. So maybe start with those emotions.

[sharkfish]

Ace headcanons for cas are actually. Kind of bad because they’re rooted in ableism, he’s coded as autistic before any headcanons come into play and people just LOVE to make every autistic character asexual.

if you’re not autistic and coming onto an ace persons post about how they don’t like ace headcanons about a queer autistic character you’re not the hero you think you are

Sincerely an autistic ace person who hates the way neurotypical aces write ace cas and wish you’d stop because it’s clear y’all hate us 🫠

i'm a little stoned so bear with me while i try to arrange vaguely coherent sentences to think through this. edit: i'm so fucking sorry for the disaster that follows. my brain is working about as well as my electric fence is rn, whose charger is currently in the red and says "CHECK FENCE" (because i guess the dial in the red doesn't make it clear enough i've got a problem). despite that... i hope someone out there has some idea wtf i'm trying to say and can help me out here.

this is literally the first time i have ever heard anyone express something like this, and i've seen a whole lot of talk from autistic people, ace people, autistic ace people, etc, about how much cas (& their reading or hc of cas as autistic and/or ace) means to them.

—background info: i am neurodivergent, but not autistic. i'm also ace.

—sidenote: thank you for bringing the ace autistic stereotype to my attention. i'm legit not sure how honest this ask is in general, but thinking back on autistic characters i've seen in media, i can see that being a thing. there's a long history of seeing people with a variety of disabilities* (*i know there's some nuance and conversation around whether or not autism can/should be actually considered a disability) as uninterested (even undeserving!!!) in sex or romance, as if PWD aren't fully-fledged humans with rich interior lives just like everyone else. that's not ok!

—sidenote 2: i made a mistake in my OG reblog of that post by even bringing canon into it. it's like pointing out bible contradictions to christians in an attempt to deconvert them--it's irrelevant because the bible isn't a real story. i don't fuck with canon. the author is dead. etc. BUT that doesn't mean the way people interpret a character can't be Problematic (for lack of a better term) when we compare it to canon. i just shouldn't have brought canon into it because i don't actually care about those specifics.

so -- i'm not doubting the validity of a character being "-coded," because that has been the only way for many people to see themselves represented in media (see: hays code, etc). i think there might be a convo to be had here though about how we define "-coded." ugh i'm struggling to articulate what i mean, but i guess... when is it "-coded" and when is it "i see myself in this character, regardless of authorial intent" and when is it "i will make this character x thing because i damn well want to and not even god himself can stop me." smarter people than i have talked about this i'm sure. i'm just not sure the threshhold where a character is "-coded" (or "similar to" or whatever) where it is canon to the point where representing a character otherwise is erasing a marginalized identity.

i'm trying to suss through in my head.... ugh, something about cas being non-human without any understanding of human mannerisms, culture, etc, in-universe. i understand people seeing themselves there. i see myself there — i often feel like an outsider, like someone who can't show my true self to any of the people around me, even the ones i love, i often feel lost in a world with rules i don't understand or agree with (some of which are around sex!). but i guess as an allistic person, i would feel really uncomfortable declaring a character autistic when the mannerisms/etc that tend to lead autistic people to seeing themselves in him are literally caused by him being non-human. to me that feels like some sort of implication that autistic people are not quite human.

if i'm understanding what you're saying, it sounds like it would have to be clear to everyone that he is autistic, and representing him as anything else would be ableist (bc erasure). maybe i'm totally totally off-base here. but i guess i'm asking myself if making him allistic is erasure, or if deciding a not-human character is autistic because of their alienness is a little hinky in itself.

—it is worth nothing that the OG post that led to this ask did not say anything about cas being autistic. maybe you're OP and you just forgot to include the most important part of your "cas can't be ace" argument (i would tend to think "it's ableist" is a better argument than "he's horny"), or maybe we're just moving off on a tangent, or whatever.

as an autistic ace person, i imagine you know how little (respectful) rep there is out there for autistic people and ace people, much less autistic ace people. do you legitimately not want to see someone like you in stories? do you legitimately want to put a ban on ace autistic characters?

because you're certainly not alone as an ace autistic person, and other autistic ace people deserve to see themselves. art exists so we can see and be seen. (art is also discovery, which is another reason representation is so important!) and i have cried, actual wet tears on my face, from seeing characters who look like me. i cried the first time i heard a character identify themselves as ace in popular media. shit, i'm old enough that i still get emotional seeing queer couples in media and just existing out loud. that shit really, really matters, not just to reduce stigma but to tell people they aren't alone. (i also cry when someone leaves a comment on one of my ace stories or trans stories or stories with mentally ill characters saying it made them feel less alone.)

i have bipolar. the optics on bipolar are not good and there are a lot of fucked up representations of people with it. people fuck it up more often than not. but banning people from writing bipolar characters is moving in the wrong direction. we have to be thoughtful, and we have to examine ourselves and others, and we have to do it right. there's just no way to do it right if you can't do it at all.

ultimately i'm just not sure how it's fair to say a character can't be ace if they are also autistic(/adjacent). hell, you're going to have a hard time convincing me it's fair to say a character can't be ace for any reason.

—sidenote: is this like the anti thing where you have to declare your traumas and diagnonsensicals so everyone knows it's Acceptable for you to write a certain topic? like, if it turned out i was autistic, would it then be ok for me to write ace autistic characters? as mentioned before, the OG post didn't say anything about autism and neither did i. or did you 100% know i don't have autism because i think it's ok to hc cas as ace? anon, are you allowed to hc a character as ace and autistic?

honestly this came so out of left field. the idea of "i am both x and y, but it is Wrong for a character to be both x and y" is so strange. it brings to mind people who are like "GOD you WOKE IDIOT SNOWFLAKES, i'm so TIRED of you forcing diversity in my face, WHY is this character black AND a wheelchair user?!" and of course the answer is... because some people are black and use wheelchairs? i think this is one of those situations where we go so overboard trying to do the right thing (e.g., not create disrespectful representations of autistic people) that we end up with the same result as the people who want to do the wrong thing (e.g., no one is allowed to write characters with multiple marginalized identities).

sincerely, a person who is sincerely confused by an autistic ace person saying characters are not allowed to be both autistic and ace

ps: just for funsies i was looking to see if there was an autistic ace mash-up pride flag (saw one someone suggested on reddit but there doesn't appear to be one widely used) and learned a fun fact! a survey of 2400 autistic adults found they were 3-9x more likely to identify themselves as asexual, homosexual, or bisexual than the general population. the article mentions that folks who answered the survey were specifically 8x more likely to describe themselves as asexual than the general pop. this is completely irrelevant to the actual discussion in this post, just something to say when mom asks if you learned anything on tumblr dot com today.

[meyeselph]

Gwenpool: Desperate Misanthrope's Confused Angst

Showtime

Ms. Pool woke up in a familiar room. Not in Krakoa - there are no mutants around. This isn’t a story about that. Look, honestly, without an actual Gwenpool series and the constant breaks in her comics appearance I can’t even begin to give a fuck. I cancelled my marvel universe subbie. I might get back to my stories but single issues are iffy. I read fast and don’t pore over the artwork. So I get 10 minutes of entertainment for….FIVE DOLLARS? When did this happen? Jeezus.

Who even reads comics anymore?

Anyway, long story short, Gwen got out of bed and recognized the room as her old one from the “old times.” The dark times. The ‘not running around in pink and white outfits and shooting people’ times. She panicked (Been there. It is what it is though). The only way out of trauma is through.

She dressed in old clothes, immediately hit by old smells, she couldn’t help but cry. Was it all a dream? Have I gone insane (again)? All the usual self doubts cropped up. I mean, really, if you think this kind of thing didn’t pass through her mind regularly why don’t you transport yourself to a comic book universe?

Oh, you can’t?

Oh. It isn’t actually possible for you and I’m stupid for suggesting it. So, yeah. If it actually happened and you kept that attitude then the logical assumption for a normie is a mental breakdown. Trick for Gwen, though, is it's probably always been both real and her being nuts.

So she goes downstairs to the kitchen to figure out why this is happening and Evil Gwen is having cereal. Let's say cocoa puffs. I’ve been thinking about those recently. You ever remember cereal as something worth cherishing. Not as just bullshit that TV convinced you to want? God damn, now I want Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp wasn’t even ever that good. Why do I want Cookie Crisp?

So also sitting around the table were the faceless versions of her father, mother, and her brother. Just chilling. No BD. Seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

Yes, I know that references aren’t jokes - fuck you, I’m painting a picture and I CAN’T PAINT, THAT’S WHY THIS ISN’T A COMIC. Fucks sake. Anyway. So, Gwen is so creeped out that she just sits her butt down by Evil Gwen as if she’s the comforting presence here.

Her name’s too long. Let’s call Evil Gwen uh…….Gren. You know, like Grendel from Beowulf. I haven’t actually read Beowulf and this is all a little confusing but I'm solving problems here. Writing this is harder for me than you would think so it’s best to keep things flowing off the cuff. That’s the Gwenpool™ style anyway, isn’t it? Are you laughing yet? IMPROV. “YES AND” MY SHIT, READER!

“So, you ever really look into the retconned past thing, hun?” Gren said, moving her tongue around her food. Being gross as an attempt to be properly evil. She swallowed before continuing. “This is all I could really put together on short notice but i’m pretty sure what the future people created, all that stuff to try and trick you, it was all bullshit.”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to convince me to go all psycho like you again?” Gwen asked, exasperated, realizing she was now back in the whole ‘fuck with Gwen to decide her fate’ song and dance routine from the end of her first arc.

“Nah, not really.” Gren said. A hammer appeared in her hands out of nowhere and Gren swung it into their fake father’s head, snapping his neck..

“DAD!” Gwen instinctively cried as she saw her father’s body slump to the floor. Gren slapped Gwen’s face. “That’s it,” Gren said, “this is what the trick was.This is a poorly created character in a fictional story. Meant to manipulate you into attaching your concept of “father” to it. Even his finished version in the original comics run wasn’t THAT well drawn. Your dad read like a boomer’s idea of a responsible parent. You were going through a mental crisis and struggling to find purpose in life and his genius idea was get a shitty low paying job and suck it up?”

Gren turned to their brother, pushed his face to the table and smashed the back of his skull. . “Brother dearest, too. Going right along with their victim blaming. He gaslighted you as if what you were going through was just you being ‘irresponsible.’ Bitch, people working a minimum wage job aren’t somehow not impoverished and miserable because they get some of that ‘honest work’ that folks keep badgering on about. Minimum wage work is occupied by many physically and mentally disabled people held hostage; they’re people society only pretends to care about. Then they turn it all into you acting like some world ending threat. No questions about what drove you to the edge in the first place. You are just ‘unstable,’ so you’re just a problem to be solved. They say, ‘Let’s all solve this girl being upset and on edge by ruining her concept of self, reality, and memory.’ Brilliant!”

Gwen barely processed this in horror. Gren then slit the poor facsimile of their mother’s throat while continuing to rant, “You see people die all the time, Gwen. Half of the time you are doing the killing. You do it because it’s in a story. In a story the NPCs don’t matter and, after all, your original schtick in the story was to be kill-crazy. The non-marketable characters can be replaced or retconned at the stroke of the artist’s pen.” Gren leans forward as she pulls a Gwenpool mask over Gwens face. “Then the writers convince you that you have some middle class milk toast family and you take abuse and subsume your emotional needs because the problem MUST be you. You aren’t ‘normal’ so you have to be fixed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes over the mask and sighed. A bit of fire filled her gut as she stared at Gren. “So fucking what? You want me to go on a killing spree and be a big time villain to get myself a nice, shiny permanent big bad status? That’s how I stay around right? Just build my legacy on bodies?”

Gren scoffed “You already lost that fight, girly. Where do you think we are? Because this ain’t Marvel Comics.”

Confused, Gwen blinked and tried reaching for the page margins, finding nothing. Wait….why was everything on this page so ill defined and undetailed? Wait? Why was the story in kinda wobbly third person past tense?

Gwen sighed “Oh. I’m in a fanfic. I guess the publishing fight is for another day eh?”

“My advice, personally,” Gren stated, “is that you consider the lobster.”

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Gren pulled aside the kitchen curtains revealing the face of a giant lobster, its claws tapping on the glass. The lobster muttering gutterally about personal responsibility.

“Because there’s a couple thousand giant lobsters outside that would like to claw you until you read their book.”

--

Scared of Girls

On the rooftop, Gren shoved a high powered rifle into Gwen’s hands while she handled the close range threats. So, this conversation they’re about to have is important. Sniping puts Gwen into a sort of zen space, so that’s a better task to keep her focused, after all.

“So, what? You wanted me to internalize that my “origin story” is bullshit? Okay, what does that accomplish, then?” Gwen asked in a bit of a deadpan. She was so tired today. Not really feeling her happy go lucky energy. More like a “happy go fucky” energy. It was hard to always be on a knife's edge. Still the rifle’s kick into her shoulder was satisfying as she blew through two of the creepy looking lobsters at once. “Also, why the lobsters?”

Gren considered this. “Okay, last question first, I had to experiment a lot and do a lot of research to construct this place for your learning and healing in fanfic form....These buddies are a failed experiment of mine that I repurposed because the fic needed more action. Isn’t that right, giant enemy crap?” As she peppers the nearest goon with a hail of shotgun pellets the entire throng of them burst out, sharply muttering about divine symbols.

“As for what I'm trying to teach you, it’s that you aren’t reaching your potential.” Gren grumpily huffed.

“Duh,” Gwen reloads, “I mean you just killed a mannequin version of the voice in my head that says that to me every day.” one of those crustaceans talks about feminine symbolism while she decides on her next target.

“Not like fake daddy’s ‘Be a responsible member of society by paying your taxes’ type of potential. I mean your creative and emotional potential.” Gren flipped off the slavering throng of monsters, noticing they were starting to keep their distance from the roof.

“I never did finish that fanfic idea I had.” Gwen mused.

“God, don’t mention that,” Gren thrusts a finger at Gwenpool. “Not that I don’t respect fanfic, but when comic book writers make you and Kamala squee about fanfiction to try and relate to “the kids” it comes across as so condescending.”

“Really? I mean…..I'm sure it’s meant as support for the concept?”

“Most fucking superhero comics are just legalized fanfiction! The people who created the characters are either long gone or working on someone else’s characters! They just think they are so much better because they got fucking paid. They can’t imagine themselves as on the same playing field as fanficcers even though most of them have the same level of connection to the roots of the work as anyone else.” Gren groused loudly as she seemed to pull Reed Richards out of nowhere.

Confused, Reed looked around until his eyes met Gwen’s.“Oh great, you again.” Reed groaned as he turned to survey the piles of lobster gibs while Gwen cheered the lobster forces’ retreat with a resounding “EDF, EDF!”. The scattered creatures skittered amongst the bland scenery. It looked like a suburban neighborhood but someone forgot to color in the sky….or write that the sky had color. A castle hung out in the distance breaking up the generic normalcy and lay cloaked in shadow despite being surrounded by an endless white void.

“And…..black….you?” Reed pointed to Gren, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I have an evil future self….well I stopped that future so it’s an….evil...alternate timeline self?” Gwen said with a nervous chuckle, abandoning the kill quest for the minute and rested her rifle on the roof.

“Ah. Yeah I’ve been down that road. It’s a rather common occurrence. Multiverse being what it is.” Reed laughed heartily while putting his hands on his hips.

“I’m not sure I’m evil, honestly,” Gren interjected. “I think I’m just really fucking grumpy and I’m slightly more gung-ho on the homicide. Considering Gwen’s already one of the more kill crazy characters on the roster it’s not that much of a distinction.” Gren flipped her cape. “My main distinction is I don’t like that meme from The Incredibles! You can just make it so the cape detaches automatically when it’s pulled hard enough!”

“You could still have it tangled up around your face.” Reed pointed out in his standard know-it-all fashion.

“Don’t make me go into fuck wife mode, stretch.” Gren spat. “Okay, anyway, so I brought him here to illustrate a point. Reed. Explain particle physics to me as a laymen.”

“Huh...i’m not sure why but okay. Particle physics (also known as high energy physics) is a branch of physics that studies the nature of the particles that constitute matter and radiation. Although the word particle can refer to various types of very small objects (e.g. protons, gas particles, or even household dust), particle physics usually investigates the irreducibly smallest detectable particles and the fundamental interactions necessary to explain their behaviour. In current understanding, these elementary particles are excitations of the quantum fields that also govern their interactions. The currently dominant theory explaining these fundamental particles and fields, along with their dynamics, is called the Standard Model. Thus, modern particle physics generally investigates the Standard Model and its various possible extensions, e.g. to the newest "known" particle, the Higgs boson, or even to the oldest known force field, gravity.” Reed rattled this off rather mechanically.

Gren then took out her phone and showed Gwen the Wikipedia article on “Particle Physics,” which is naturally the same words that Reed had regurgitated above, just without any formatting and, again, on a phone.

“Reed can’t be a genius in any subject unless he’s written by a genius in that subject. That’s how stories work. Everyone is limited by the understanding and capabilities of the writer. Same with your origin story and all the people you’ve interacted with. If you are as ‘meta’ as you think you are then you have to realize that you aren’t actually talking to people. You are talking to the writer. Dr. Strange didn’t rewrite your existence to be a part of the Marvel Universe. As far as most of Marvel continuity goes Dr. Strange was never there and doesn’t know or care about his MCU casting…..Hey Reed, buzz off please before the conversation pivots to why you haven’t cured all known diseases.”

Reed looked a little surprised but then pulled out a teleportation device (of course he has one) and blipped away with a shrug.

“How awkward is that going to be when he enters the MCU after Kamala is already introduced with a very similar power set?” Gwen chuckled.

“Keep up the way you’ve been going and you’ll never see it. I’m not exactly expecting a young blonde girl casting call for Deadpool 3 and that’s your best bet.” Gren snarked. Gwen winced with a sigh.

“I don’t get what I'm doing wrong. I have a fanbase comparable to some of the characters that have already shown up but I can’t even get comics written about me most of the time. An MCU push seems unlikely. They would literally have to deal with completely recontextualizing my powers and gimmick”

“Let’s ask her what you should do.” Gren motioned her way to the suddenly appearing long hair future Gwen, looming over them like The Attack of the 50 foot Woman for some reason. Dwarfing the roof they are on. Let’s call her BIGwen!

--

Gold Guns Girls

As BIGwen acclimated to her surroundings she stubbed her toe on a car, dramatically flipping it so that it took out a few more lobsters before caving in a nearby house. The lamentations about clean rooms soaring as the remaining couple dozen of them attempt to clean up some of the bodies of their fallen kin. The large and sort-of-in-charge Gwen hissed in pain and adjusted her boot. Getting her balance as best as possible she muttered curses that traveled rather well considering the lung capacity of a giant.

“You know,” Gren started, “I wasn’t expecting much from our previous uses of the ‘make her big for emphasis’ trick, but it really does only work as a vague ghostly background element. I didn’t just want it to be ‘oh, here's a third Gwen for the conversation, though. Would lack umph.”

“ Yeah, I get it, but staring at my own giant taint is unsettling.” Gwen muttered.

“I’d still, hit it.” Gren grinned, then immediately got punched in the arm. “OWWW! Look, I’m the evil one here and we’re in a fanfic. I’m allowed to make internet fetish jokes.”

“And I’m allowed to hit you for it.”.

“Dirty lampshading goody two shoes. Don’t act like half your fanbase isn’t thirsty. It’s “insert current year argument”, all art is sexy to someone.” Gren complained back,rubbing her arm before hopping off the roof. Gwen followed while listening as patiently as she could considering how many changes in topic her evil-caped self is going through to get to her point. “This chick is the reason you’ve been on the path of good girl. Some vague idea that in the future everything will work out for the best. HEY, DOWN HERE, BIG SHOW!” Gren waved at BIGwen and she looked down curiously.

“Yeah what??” BIGwen responded in a booming and agitated tone. Honestly, being in this fic made every version of Gwen a little grumpy.

“How’s she supposed to be a popular hero that makes it into the MCU and has a stable publication history?” Gren asked.

“Fuck if I know.” Came BIGwen’s response. “Have you tried growing your hair out?”

“Rub it in,” Gwen muttered under her breath, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of depressed now.” Gwen said as she sat on an abandoned car.

Gren hopped on the roof of the car, patting Gwen’s shoulder before squatting with enough force to flex the car’s shocks like a rocking chair just to amuse herself. “Future “good” Gwen wasn’t an actual plot point, it was a call to action to the fans to make fanfic like this and support the character outside of the actual Canon. Chris didn’t trust that Marvel would treat the character right. That, and your obsession with getting a new book, are both the writer’s attempt to turn a marketing tactic into fan engagement. If you want to be real then that makes the fans want you to be real even more, too.”

Gwen sighs heavily and leans her chin on one hand. “I mean...the time traveling through the life of an NPC fan complete with a Never Ending Story reference was a bit sappy even by the standard we sometimes set...damn it it really was just kind of a fan manipulation trick wasn’t it?”

BIGwen Sat down on the street next to them and crossed her legs. “Hey, little me. Don’t get too down. I mean it worked for the most part. You have a healthy cult following. Characters have survived on less and there are worse things to be known for then as a fan first character”

“But I have to fight for attention all the damn time, though. It’s so easy for Wade with his fucking meme bullshit. He even gets runoff enthusiasm from me. Jeff the land shark is all over Oldpool online” Gwen felt rather heavy and tired all of a sudden. Marvel editorial forcing a gun to your head is not a fun way to be.

“All that fight is hell on the fanbase too.” Gren sighed. “Advocating for shit, getting crumbs and being expected to accept it while Disney lavishes all the attention based on some bullshit numbers game. Even if you make it into the MCU will it be a Batroc style cameo with obligatory ‘killed off in case we don’t feel like paying the actor again later.’ Will it be an emotionally rounded character or an ambush bug style joke? The thing is. You're Not the one fighting and you never were.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“This version of her doesn’t know?” BIGwen whimpered.

“You aren’t real, Gwen.”

--

Head Like a Haunted House

“No….we aren’t having this conversation. Fuck you fuck you i’m not a fucking Nihlist and i’m not going to do this right now.” Gwen said as she scrambled off of the car and pulled out some guns. BIGwen then picked her up off the ground.

“You need to hear this, Gwen,” BIGwen boomed. “The gimmick has run its course. It’s fucking with your canon. You’re never going to be a marketable character keeping up a half fourth-wall Kayfabe”

Gren climbed onto BIGwen’s Shoulders and perched over Gwen all menacing like. “You need to listen. I’ve been trying to ease you into this. Making things more meta slowly until you were ready but it was never going to be easy.”

One of Gwen’s guns was fired from it’s holster and pierced one of BIGwen’s fingers. BIGwen screamed and her grip loosened. Soon Gwen was on the move running up her arm and firing at Gren, who dodged like the nimble and cute badass she is. “Don’t do this Gwen. Just because it doesn’t matter to the comic version of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a real person god damn it! I read the comics out there! I came in! That’s why I know shit I shouldn't know. That’s what I am! THAT’S ALL I AM!” Gwen shrieked as she pulled out a sword from hammer-space and decapitated BIGwen. Suddenly a mess of colored streamers and a pile of Mickey Mouse merch tumbled out. Look, I am busy right now. Gwen is still slashing at my ass. I'm not going to explain it.

For some reason now the remaining lobsters were helping Gren. For Gwen’s own good you understand. This is proof that I’m right for some reason.

Gwen pulled out a revolver, firing pumpkin sized holes in lobsters who were still wailing about self actualization. She fully planned on shoving a sword up her evil self’s ass and getting rid of this doppelganger shit for good. Which is total bullshit by the way. She totally just cut off Gren’s leg because what the fuck you mean I’m not real? I’m going to be real all over your corpse.

Gren didn’t really think that was even a good comeback and also thought you should probably say it instead of meta willing the smack talk into existence, otherwise this fanfic is going to read like trash. Also, Gren’s leg wasn’t actually cut off. In a puff of smoke it is revealed that the cut off leg is a log and her leg is fine. Gren is a ninja now, believe it.

Gwen proceeded to do a sick ass CQC judo throw on Gren and then grab her cape and wrap it around her face like Reed suggested. Callbacks for the win! Callbacks to Checkov’s gun ideas always lead to victory in fights! She then totally shot at her and such.

But the bullet was caught by the cape because the cape was a symbiote! That’s right Gren is also GRENOM!...boy that sounds stupid. Anywho, the cape was no longer around her face and the fight continued and Gren now ALSO had extra powers and special wizard-symbiote armor (that would only show up in the MCU version if Marvel finally got the Sony characters back). The meta powers work like shit in text but this would be really good in CGI or animation if Marvel wanted to adapt this fic and give the writer lots of money. Gren still has more experience with them, though, and Gwen can’t really just kill her way out of this fic so she has to just let the story play out.

…...eh?....oh Gwen’s crying. I love/am you girl but we gotta work on the crying. Fucks sake this is harder than I thought. I’m depressed now too. Well I'll try to get the writing back on track so you guys can see what is going on. Even the lobsters are minding their manners now. Chill vibes, guys.

“The marvel character page for Gwenpool says, and I quote:

Gwenpool arrived in the Marvel Universe from the “real world,” but has wasted no time in making the most of her time in her fictional universe. Using her knowledge of comics to her advantage, Gwenpool causes and solves problems for her fellow heroes.”

Gren drags a lobster corpse slowly toward Gwen and sits on its tail as she talks to her. Taking her time to really scrape the lobster against the ground, smearing the gore on the pavement. Not that it was heavy for her or anything. Totally still has that symbiote, which would make moving it easy. Totally wasn’t a detail added in the second revision of the fic slightly before the lobsters were added.

“The words “Real world” are in quotation marks in that wiki. Real people don’t make it into comics because fiction isn’t real. Half of your versions barely make use of the ‘real person’ gimmick because it’s too meta by half and not every writer wants to waste time justifying it. So they just treat it like Deadpool’s medium awareness. Which it mostly is.”

“I really am just a fucking rip off distaff character.” Gwen moans. “Just a Gwen combined with a Pool. I’m worse than the Batman who laughs. I never mattered because I was never real”

“Fuck don’t say that. You were made with love and care by a team of creators who took a weird offshoot idea and built out a compelling metafiction idea and a likeable protagonist off of it. They just didn’t have the time and foresight to go far enough.” Gren sighed.

“Far enough?” Gwen sniffed as she was pulled up to her feet and dragged toward one of the big castles. As they walked Gren kicked along a Mickey Mouse doll that had rolled out of BIGwen’s severed head. Every time it bounced it cheerfully said ‘hahah. I love you!’

“Too much haha, not enough trauma. You’re not just a joke character.” Gren said as she kicked the Mickey doll into the big front door of the castle. The shadowy thing of course lighting up and being all fantasy and shit as the door opened.

“Well I did end both of my comic runs pretty mopey.”

“Damn right you did. When the jokes run thin they run to your real bread and butter. You’re an empathy machine.” As Gren shoves Gwen through the gate they are swallowed up in the castle, going dark again. “Let’s getcha sad clown on.”

--

Never there

“See, what evil me should have been telling you about in the original run is how to find meaning and purpose when technically nothing means anything. Comic book characters live in a world without real death and suffering. It’s all a puppet show version of real pain and real emotion meant to bring that out of an audience.” Gren opined as they walked through a black void to a couch floating in a nothing area lit only by the static of an old TV.

“Can we turn on a light?” Gwen asked as she sat on the couch. Gren sat on another recliner that suddenly appeared and put her feet up.

“Fuck off. Ambiance is a thing. We aren’t having a ‘lights on with something fun on the TV’ conversation. So look, I am not really ‘evil gwen.’ I’m half an author insert and half a plot device. If we are talking about the reality of the story you are basically talking to yourself. I am speaking about the things you don’t want to admit to yourself. You know, you’ve seen this kind of story sorta... right?” Gren picked up the remote and frustratedly changed channels between a bunch of vaguely illustrative footage on the TV, not finding anything that worked. A lot of black and white footage of trains for some reason. Just what comes to mind when I think of documentary footage? Weird.

“I am not sure how to illustrate this shit visually and this is a text story anyway so I would have to explain the illustration,” Gren griped.

“I basically get it. It’s not that uncommon a trope.” Gwen nodded.

“Because of the level of meta we are on right now we have to really acknowledge that you are basically an author insert, too. I mean, to a certain extent every version of you is more the writer that is working with your character at the time than a set character.” Gren said as she settled on a visual of Gwen being pushed out the window by her own narration text in the original comic run. When all else fails, resort to footage from the last story. That way people can look it up online!

“Right here is where the character crystallized in the mind of the author of the current fic we are in. A vague suicide metaphor wrapped up in the flavor of self destructive escapism. Your parents in the story thought it was a suicide attempt on at least some level. This is serious business. Not just a girl who doesn’t like work and can’t finish her fanfic. In this comic you are built on this understanding. The writer of this fic has ADHD and autism. So his version of you more or less has it, too. Writers bring themselves with them into their work.”

Gwen nods and takes a deep breath. “I….I can feel it. Like the world is closing around you. You aren’t built for anything that anyone wants from you. The one thing you really believe in, the one thing that really defines you, the stories in your head…..it’s just not enough.

You can’t trust you’ll ever make it with writing because you can barely write. You barely have the energy to do anything but wish that you weren’t you. What if someone actually listened? Actually believed in you and whisked you away somewhere else where the world would fit your needs? What if you were someplace you could be someone else, someone strong and confident?”

“Yeah. Like a funny anti hero in a comic for instance.” Gren nodded. “But the original comics sort of left the theme on the table. They were captured by the misconception of Gwen as the problem and not a person who needed help. All that desperation that real fans of the character might feel just bundled up into love for this character that really ‘gets’ them but Marvel doesn’t ‘get’ the character. They won't use her. They won’t go past vaguely gesturing at her mental issues and moving on. They saved the angst for Wandavision.” Gren scoffs.

“I mean the show was okay but they literally have a character built entirely on the theme of escapism and trauma. One that’s custom built for mind-screw visuals and reality bending plots and they think she’s just a lazy fangirl who really likes guns that they can sit beside Deadpool sometimes and stick in the X-Men’s bloated background character roster when they don’t need her.”

Gren leads Gwen off the couch and deeper into the void where a door to a bedroom waits. A room like her own, absolutely slopping over with old toys of comic book characters. An unclean messy space in a run-down house that smells faintly of cigarette smoke. Huddled in bed, reading an 80s era X-men comic with a flashlight, is a 12 year old Gwen.

“This is never going to be canon but this is the version of Gwen in this fic. She can’t stop crying at school. Things that shouldn’t be hard are so hard and she can’t explain why. Everyone says she’s making excuses. Meanwhile her mother is fucked out of her mind on pain killers and her step father killed himself last year ‘cleaning his gun’ while drunk. You know exactly what is on her mind right now?” Gren says as she gestures at the girl.

“I wish the superheroes would save me from this.”

“They won’t. They can’t. They were never meant to.” Gren Slams the door loudly on the scene.

“That is the emotional core of Gwenpool in this fic. The desperation that so many of the fans down here in the fucking muck of the real world feel. Poor and emotionally unfulfilled. Confused and vulnerable. If Disney and Marvel gave two fucking shits about people like that they wouldn’t waste as many stories as they do. They wouldn’t just use untold wealth to make expensive escapist stories with the military. Their gestures toward progressive ideas that they occasionally make in their stories would be THE ENTIRE POINT of their stories and the actual thing they used that money for instead of lobbying the government to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain.

“Disney has the power yet they save a fucking miniscule fraction of who they could. Saving people doesn’t make money.”

--

When I Get To The Green Building

Gren stormed through the void. The scene disintegrated around her as Gwen followed. Both now in a bit of a sour mood but with newfound determination.

“Come to think of it. Why is the fucking Hulk getting to fight for social justice in the comics? Why are they making a gay alternate universe Captain America? Why are they grasping at straws so hard to find characters that get to advocate and I am just sitting on a fucking island being grumpy?” Gwen groused. “I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual….at least in this fic. I could advocate for a bunch of shit at once.”

“You have a youth fanbase, a unique story and you technically aren’t an alternate universe version of fucking anything no matter how many people still think you are a Stacey. They made a fucking ‘for the fans’ character and then neglected it. Presumably because some fucking money making metric didn’t pan out despite the comics just being an MCU test kitchen and IP farm anyway.”

“You’re a fucking check mark on a ledger. I don’t even know if anyone technically created Gwenpool as a whole and Disney/Marvel can give the character to whoever they want to do whatever they want completely separate from what the fanbase wants and needs because she isn’t established. The IP landlords have spoken. The fans haven’t risen to enough ‘buy my merch’ calls to action to invest more resources. So tease endlessly until that changes.”

“Gah. Now I'm actually as pissed as you are.” Gwen said as she started fiddling with her guns. “Who do I kill?”

“We can’t do shit. You’re not even a character at this point. You are a meme for an underused character.” Gren smirked all evil like. “See but that’s it. You aren’t just a meme. You’re a MEME.”

“Uhm...I don't follow.”

“Like the concept of Justice. Gwenpool is an idea. Defined entirely by how people who engage with the idea choose to engage with it. The IP law means Disney owns Gwenpool but they don’t own how Gwenpool is perceived. Just like we as a people decide what justice is through popular consent we also decide what Gwenpool is. You see they made a character for the fans…..in my opinion that means the fans can do as they like with it even if it makes Disney uncomfortable.”

“I mean they can’t even stop porn of their characters just because of the sheer volume of the problem. I suppose people could do whatever.” Gwen nodded.

“Exactly. So the fans should just fucking Occupy Gwenpool!” Gren said as she flipped her cape dramatically with a mad smile on her face. That’s right. She was Dirtbag Leftist Gwen all along!

“Squat on that IP. Make Gwenpool a mental health advocate. Make her an LGBTQ activist. Make her fight for social and financial justice so hard that Bruce Banner looks like a poser. Make her talk shit about politicians who put their career ahead of the people. Do all the shit that makes the comicsgate crowd sad. Keep politics in our stories! Rally around that pink and white ass so hard they have to notice and then tie it all to the fact that Disney has great power and with great power they take no responsibility for how shitty the world is.”

“ If they are going to fuck Gwenpool fans they gotta learn Gwenpool fans fuck back. We have already proven we can make all kinds of cool shit. Let’s get serious and make more, harder, faster! Get a hashtag or some shit. They can't DMCA all of us! GWEN IS OURS WE JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. Then they either respect the character and her fans or they just hit a PR disaster.”

“Marvel/Disney neglects fan focused cult character themed protest movements. Proves they are only progressive when it makes them money. They’re so worried about Mickey ending up in the public domain? We’re the public domain! After our entire lives stannin their characters and buyin their merch building them from an animation house into a juggernaut they are just another weight on top of the boot on our necks. They have to take responsibility!” At this point Gren is pretty much ranting maniacally and neglecting the actual writing of the story so this is Gwen taking over to wrap up.

Guys I may not be ‘the real Gwen’ but really, isn’t the version of Gwen that actually came from the real world all of us? Isn’t Gwenpool really the Gwens we made along the way? We could easily bring a little heroism and chaos to the real world (at least to the internet) if we really tried. Put the fear of God into some IP landlords and fight for some cool people that society is screwing over, too.

Prove that even in the fandom abyss people aren’t as powerless as they seem. Use that internet comic fan mobbing for something besides giving Zack more money. Disney is gearing up for their next IP fight for Mickey in 2024. Seems like a fine time for IP themed protests. For now we just need to spread the word that our needs are more important than their profits.

It’s been real. It’s been long. It’s been a real long time coming…..

But I finally finished my fanfic.

See ya, true believers.

[cripplecharacters]

1-IV been trying writing about a characters progression with learning to use advanced prosthetics after losing a arm and a leg, but I'm always concerned about having it sound like I'm trying to make a inspiration porn. 2-they are a soldier who is mostly used in high speed scenarios where they need to run and move lots. I don't want to make it sound like they need the prosthetics function but at the same time, show the characters struggles with thinking that they can't do there job without them

I also really don't want it to seem like they have to be cured to be useful, I know it's something that's frequently brought up but I have no idea how to avoid it in this situation. I was to be as respectful as possible and not try and make it sound like the only characteristic of this character is that they are disabled, but it's hard when IV never had experience with limb loss or physical disabilities in my own life to use a large A example.

Mod Wolfy - An important thing to keep in mind is that adaptive technology isn’t a cure.  Showing a character being hugely more effective with the correct adaptive tech is not a cure, and not very much like a cure.

Adaptive technology makes a huge positive difference in the lives of many people with disabilities, and for some people with disabilities can absolutely be the difference between functioning well and smoothy and “This situation sucks, I don’t know how I’m going to manage.”  So don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with portraying its helpful, or as something that’s difficult to function without.  

If you want to not make it too much about the prosthetics, think about what the character would do without them, if they malfunctioned or became unavailable. That is one thing about adaptive tech - it’s rarely perfectly functioning at all times.

In terms of avoiding inspiration porn, keep in mind that inspiration porn isn’t “Character with disability does something badass, and it’s treated as awesome and badass because it is.”  Inspiration porn is about presenting people with disabilities in a way that’s all about the feelings of people without disabilities, such as the warm glow they apparently get with “You did something that I’m going to assume is a massive achievement for someone like you, despite not knowing your life?  So inspiring!”  Or “Okay, this person with a disability did something that would be awesome anyway, but I’m going to make the entire thing about how awesome it is that someone like them did it, to the point of getting distracted from their actual actions in order to focus on how very disabled and inspiring they are.”  

In terms of not making the disability their only characteristic, what do they do for fun?  What music do they like?  Do they have a family?  Do they date?  Do they have hobbies?  Pets?  Round out the character, and even if these things are impacted by the disability, you’re going to end up with a character who’s not entirely defined by a disability.  

It sounds like you’ve got a lot of workable elements.  Keep in mind that some of the more abstract conversations on Tumblr about representation can get perfectionist and present a distorted impression, and complicated, messy, flawed characters with multiple dimensions and imperfect attitudes can be awesome.