#i'm always thinking about him. caleb widogast

[dent-de-leon]

All Caleb Widogast can taste is ash, the soot and smoke turning everything pitch black. Heat still searing the palms of his hands, boiling his blood. Before him a face burns, the flames cresting higher and higher, a roaring beacon in the darkness. The face is a stranger, eyeless sockets hollow and empty, mere kindling for the fire.

The face is his Mother, his Father. Astrid and Wulf and every good thing he'd ever burned.

He falls to his knees with a last, desperate cry--a curse, a prayer--begging for any and all gods to hear him, save him, change his wretched fate. All his life, Caleb Widogast had never known faith, never dared to invoke it. But deep down in the marrow of his bones, in whatever hell he's buried his heart, a part of him still clings to hope. Redemption. Salvation. An anguished plea for some force in this cruel world to set him free. Someone--anyone. Help me. Please.

And then, all at once, the world was quiet. He breathed with choked up, ragged gasps, and the air was clear--all the soot and ash drifting away. The roaring blaze dissipated into dying sparks and dull embers, just a winding cloud of smoke swallowed up by the chill night air, the smoldering heat at his fingertips going numb.

A figure stood towering above his prone form--a mere shadow one moment, but bathed in glistening moonlight the next. Curled horns glinted and gleamed with all manner of little baubles and golden charms, a forked tail darting out and swaying playfully behind him.

He's draped in a parade of vibrant color, ornate coat emblazoned with the symbol of every deity across the pantheon, the lining a sea of shimmering silvery moons. Each stitch of embroidery delicately woven with care, intricate beadwork and crystals glinting in the moonlight.

Caleb could see the Moonweaver's gossamer light in him, the way his eyes glinted with her playful mischief.

The tiefling spins and twirls with that roaring, ringing laughter, his coat fluttering in a blur of crimson as the wind kicks in. And before Caleb could protest, he's caught up in that wild dance; warm hands reach out and find him in the darkness, casting him back into the light.

And Caleb gladly welcomes that tender touch.

Hands joined with his partner, steps lighter than air. Caleb lets him take the lead, following after in a dance he's always known. He can't help but gravitate toward this shining soul, as inescapable as Catha caught in Exandria's pull. They beckon, and Caleb can only follow.

As their dance descends into its final steps, the tiefling whispers in his ear. A soft lilt to his cadence, charming and musical.

"Why so surprised, Magician? You asked me for help, didn't you?" A hint of amusement colored his words, warm and playful.

Not you, Caleb thinks, fleeting iconography of the pantheon flickering in his mind. This was not the noble Dawnfather, the Lawmaster, the Knowing Mistress--none of the…appropriate gods his family prayed to under the strict reign of the Empire. This was a heathen god, some interloper. One of the dangerous idols he was always warned about.

The stranger circled Caleb, eyeing him appraisingly as his gaze trailed over the wizard's haunted stare and torn clothes. The tattered, fraying bandages he'd stolen years ago. The fresh bruises just beginning to bloom.

Caleb backs away, unable to bear the piercing focus of that unerring gaze, the way this stranger could see his whole hollowed out heart with but a glance. His eyes--all his red eyes, shining bright--seeing everything.

"Who are you?" he demands, head held high, even as his voice starts to shake. What are you?

The tiefling advances. Drawing another step closer, a hand outstretched in welcome--all Caleb wants is to take it.

"I'm...a friend," he says amicably, bearing all his teeth in a sharp-toothed grin.

For some reason, Caleb isn't afraid.

Gentle claws skim his skin with the barest touch, drifting down his cheek in a fond caress.

"Your dreams called to me, Magician. You're...interesting, and I'm curious. And more importantly--you cried out for help. Do I need any other reason?"

His gaze, his voice--they soften, melt--soothing him as the glistening sky above bleeds away into inky black darkness. No starlight, no moons. Just them, tucked away in this little patch of shadowed solace where the nightmares can't reach him, where the flames don't still burn.

The only heat is the tiefling's arms around him, wrapping him in a warm embrace. The delicate press of his lips to Caleb's sweat sheened forehead. It feels like a gift, a promise; solace and grace and the first gentle touch he's known in so long. Devotion so divine it feels purely mortal.

"Consider this my blessing--and an invitation. May the Monweaver watch over you, Magician."

"What are you offering?" Caleb rasped. He can feel the rest of the world slipping away, can feel the taste of ash and soot clawing up the back of his throat.

"Nothing much. Just a bit of luck. And some dreams. Sleep tight, Mr. Caleb--you've had enough nightmares for one life."

When he awoke, the flames were gone.

[critter-rarepair-reccs]

Hey friends, happy Wednesday! To kick off the month of May, we have seven fics set in or that otherwise have the vibes of spring! As always, you can find them below the cut and if you check any of them out, I encourage you to leave kudoes and comments to spread the rarepair love 💕

i’ll illuminate you by orphan_account (539 words, Teen) Pairing: Fresh Cut Grass/FRIDA (Loveletters) Warnings: None

FCG and FRIDA visit Zephrah for Orym and Dorian's wedding. Flower crown adorableness ensues.

Reccer Says: One of the cutest fics I have ever read. The phrase "aeormapartner" is goofy and so fucking adorable.

a star fell from your heart and into my eyes by glossolali (1,959 words, Teen) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss (Shadowmauk) Warnings: None

It's Molly's birthday and all he wants is to flirt with Essek and sweep him off his feet. Little does he know that Essek has a terribly romantic surprise of his own in store for Molly.

Reccer Says: It is so so cute, with an excellent Molly POV (seriously, his inner monologue is adorable and feels So Right) and the sweetest ending. Essek's gifts to Molly are the most romantic things ever and I'm obsessed with it. Also celebrating Molly's birthday on the day after Cognouza's defeat when he woke up in the Grove is perfect and I love it!!! ALSO druid Essek beloved!!!!

We should just kiss, like real people do by CupOTeaHatter (910 words, Teen) Pairing: Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast (Widobrave) Warnings: None

Veth and Caleb, apart and unable to sleep, muse on the rain and could-have-beens.

Reccer Says: The angst and yearning is delicious

Sunflower by ShadowCrw (1,264 words, Teen) Pairing: Keyleth/Pike Trickfoot/Vex'ahlia Warnings: None

Post-canon, Vex and Pike garden while Keyleth recovers from an injury.

Reccer Says: Nice post-canon slice of life! The shenanigans towards the end with Trinket and the water are especially cute.

she wore flowers like a crown by orphan_account (896 words, General) Pairing: Jester Lavorre/Yasha Nydoorin (Yashter) Warnings: None

Jester makes Yasha a flower crown. Yasha has emotions about it.

Reccer Says: Yashter is such an underrated pairing and this fic is a lovely little microcosm of them <3

after the storm by allmadeofstardust (2,352 words, General) Pairing: Orym/Will Warnings: Survivors Guilt

Three times Orym is caught in a rainstorm, each with a different person.

Reccer Says: Only the first third of the fic is Orym and Will but that section is so lovely! As is the rest of the fic, I love Orym and Imogen’s friendship and Orym’s guilt and grief over Laudna’s death so much.

Air Ashari Floral & Ink by SociallyAwkwardFox (12,563 words, Teen) Pairing: Orym/Dorian Storm/Will (Dorymwill) Warnings: None

A series of vignettes as Dorian falls in love with and begins a relationship with the owners for Air Ashari Floral & Ink, Orym and Will.

Reccer Says: It’s very sweet!! The relationship is so cute and they really do just Fit together. It also kinda has the vibe of a non-linear narrative despite being linear, which I think is neat, probably a side effect of the vignettes in a fun way! Takes place over a span of time, not just spring (the only mentioned point in time is actually Winter’s Crest lol) but with all the flowers it’s got real springy vibes throughout.

Thank you for joining us this week’s recc list! All the love to everyone who submitted a fic 💕 All enclosed recommendations were submitted by the community via our submissions form, which you can find here. All fic information is as it was provided by the reccer, so it may not be accurate to the author’s intent or the precise contents of the fic itself. Please assume good intent from all parties 💕

Submissions for next week’s list are already open! We’ll be featuring Jester Rarepairs. If you have any you’d like to highlight, you can send them in here. The week after that, the theme is Alternate Universes and the weeks after that we’re taking recommendations for Hurt/Comfort and PC x NPC! Submissions for all of these themes are currently open.

If you want more rarepair fic, check out @cr-summer-wildflowers and their event collections on ao3! If you want some friendship after all this romance, take a look at @critter-genfic-events and their recc lists! And if you’re interested in everyone’s favorite wizards, you can’t go wrong with the lists at @aeor-is-for-reccing !

Thanks all and have a lovely day/night/timezone! 💕

[snail-eggs]

2 RUNNING FINGERS THROUGH HAIR FOR DAENA AND ANY OF HER HUSBANDS🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

pairing: Caleb Widogast/Daena Aren (F!OC); Essek Thelyss/Daena Aren(F!OC)\

warnings: none

a/n: any of them? porque no los dos?

divider by @/saradika

Caleb

Nicodranas, she fears, is the closest she'll ever be to home again. Daena watches from the balcony of the Lavish Chateau as waves lap on the shore. This view used to be something she got every day---somewhere far, far away from here. But she'll take Nicodranas over nothing. Beggars can't be choosers, after all.

It aches, in a way. Knowing she might never get back to her shores; her home. But the Nein have dulled that ache greatly. The yearning, it doesn't afflict her on as many nights. No, she's too focused on the now to think about what was and what will never be. She allows herself this moment of weakness, sips on some liquor from her flask as she listens to the sounds of the night. It makes her skin crawl, how quiet it is.

Drinking herself stupid doesn't sound half bad right now. Not at all.

She hears him before she sees him. Recognizes him by the apprehensive shuffling of his feet. A hard stop and two steps back, like he's scared she'll bite.

With a look over her shoulder, still leaning on the railing, she catches him before he slinks back into the halls of the chateau; surely to continue his antisocial streak with his face buried in a spellbook.

And Daena smiles ever so slightly, trying to wordlessly beckon him to stay because the night is too damn quiet and she can't really stand it anymore.

"Hey stranger." Truth is, Daena hasn't seen much of him in days. Not since the Nein took respite in the chateau, exhausted by their adventures out on the road. "Didn't think I'd get to see your face before we left." She takes another sip from her flask. Looks back out at the sea and holds the silver up to her cheek, feeling the coolness of it melt away with the warmth of her skin.

And Caleb doesn't say anything, not with his words, anyway. Instead, he takes the place right beside Daena, eyes burning into her for a moment too long before he sets his gaze on the sea as well like its what he came here to see all along. But Nicodranas' glistening waters aren't the real sight to behold here. Not for him.

"I have been trying to take advantage of our downtime. It is very rare we get a moment to breathe anymore."

"So what's got you all hermit-y?"

"Oh," Daena can't help but let the corners of her lips twitch into a smile with the way he perks up. All it takes is a question and its like he's a new Caleb entirely. "Well, I managed to get my hands on some rather interesting journals. I have no idea whether they hold any promise or not but there's no harm-"

"I kinda missed you."

"I'm sorry?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. Like, I know you're here and everything but you're so into your shit that we don't... talk at all. And I liked that---I liked talking to you." Daena has no clue where this is all coming from. She can't get it to stop.

"I like talking to you too. Very much." And suddenly those eyes are burning into her all over again. Daena can wants to meet his gaze so badly. She keeps staring at the ocean's waves twinkling in the moonlight. "And I apologize, if you will accept it." For what, she wants to say. There's nothing for him to really be sorry for.

Finally, she wills her neck to turn. Faces him and stares into those ever melancholy eyes of his. Daena reaches up, invades his space and tangles two gentle fingers into his hair, pulling a lock out from the mess he always seems to have it in and what gets her---what really sets off bells in the back of her mind---is that he lets her. Not once does he break her gaze to watch her hand, he never flinches away. Interesting, she thinks.

"You gonna cut your hair?"

"I haven't given it much thought."

"Don't. It looks good like this."

She lets the hair fall away from her grasp. Takes a swig from her flask as she disappears into the chateau, leaving Caleb to stare at the waves, looking for an answer.

Essek:

"I don't think well-adjusted people are like this."

"Have you ever really thought you could describe yourself as well-adjusted?"

She can't lie, he has her there. Daena lays her head in Essek's lap, her voice hoarse, raspier than it normally is. This is their default now, arguing ceaselessly. Has been since Caleb died.

Gray hairs are starting to pepper the dark auburn that was once abundant. She's getting too old for this. Knows, deep down, that Essek has to be sick of it too. But tonight isn't the night for big conversations and solving things once and for all. She's too caught up in the warmth of his lap, in the fear of airing things out once again. How many times do they have to air things out before they realize this---whatever this strange thing is that they have---might not be meant to outlive Caleb?

Daena buries her cheek into his thigh, eyes fluttering shut as he begins to run his fingers through her graying locks.

"I do love you," he says it to no one, like its what she's been accusing him of this entire time; like he needs to reassure himself that its true.

She shifts onto her back, lets his palm rest on her cheek and looks at him with furrowed brows. "Essek, when did that ever really mean anything?"

And that's it. Just like that, the warmth of his skin against hers is gone. He's pushing her up off him and taking long strides across the room. He can't seem get far enough when she says things like that.

Essek opens his mouth to speak. More than once but he can't find the words. He's right. She could never describe herself as well-adjusted.

[sammusbird]

25 jonathan antichrist sims

1-25 for Jonathan "Antichrist" Sims Archivist? Coming right up

I love his corruption arc and hate that he doesn't eat enough bread.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character? Bad skin. Unwatered crops.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character? Doesn't accept his best frenemie Helen :(

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in? The book 1984, or a giant Eye, OR a blender.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them? Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In! by Will Wood.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like? Love the green eyeball orbs that follow this bastard around SOOOOOOOO much

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise? Lied to me about him being MENA representation

9. Could you be roommates with this character? Ohhhh my shit never

10. Could you be best friends with this character? Not unless he changes his mind about Helen

11. Would you date this character? Never

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character? Stinky

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot? nerdy emoji

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character. Lots of plaid and dark cheap blazers

15. JMART has the best name of any ship ever

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character? Jon and George were not meant to be

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with? I can't think of any other ships

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire? Jon and Daisy are epic bros

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like? BE NICE TO BESTIE HELEN WAHHHHHH

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter? Tim. With benefits.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them? I have actually forgotten all characters ever. Han Solo and Bernd das Brot. Teru from Mob Psycho 100. I'm trying my best here OH SHIT CALEB WIDOGAST FROM CRITICAL ROLE

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now? My first impression was that Jon Archivist was this super cool, super cursed, super star-crossed protagonist on a corruption arc a la Macbeth, going further and further down a dark path despite his best efforts. I now know I was incorrect and Jon Archivist is a miserable terrible pathetic little meow meow and the Ceaseless Watcher's most special guy. It loves him soooooooo so so much because he always keeps getting into terrible situations and somehow surviving on his own. to the point that when Daisy sees Jon in the Buried she outright says it. yaya

[bloopitynoot]

shadowgast fic rec: hurt/comfort

3 Hurt-Angst/Comfort Shadowgast Fics I enjoyed

Okay! I'm not making this an official list because I really want the asker to know I posted this.

I realized I read a LOT of hurt/comfort shadowgast fics but have mentioned a lot of my favs in my previous lists (I'll link the lists at the bottom of this reply) so I went through my bookmarks and picked three others I enjoy (of various lengths):

__________________________ 1- I'm not Asking for Hope

I'm not Asking for Hope (9492 words) by DamnthatGeko (if you know them here let me know and I will tag) Chapters: 2/2 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: There are three discreet hook closures that hold the collar of his shirt closed. He undoes them with deft movements to expose the column of his throat. He pauses after the last one, his eyes widening. Oh. Well, there we go, Essek thinks distantly. Like a tree growing deep roots into rich soil, there is a bloom of dark veins beneath his skin, just over his clavicle. He reaches a finger to touch it and finds his skin shockingly cold. Essek tries to say goodbye and fails miserably.

Why I liked it: It's the self loathing for me, the "I would rather die a horrible death than ask for help", the "I guess I will die and not think about the consequences or emotional impact on those around me" mess of an Essek vibe. This is a great shorter read and I love the several levels of emotional work that Essek goes through in this. As usual- yes it is a happy ending because I physically cannot handle hurt/angst for no reason.

2- Sleeping in the shadow of an other self

sleeping in the shadow of an other self (32857 words) by @nonwal Chapters: 10/10 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: Essek has a moment to consider that gravity-based trust exercises have never worked for him, and then the spell hits. He leans back into it, falls, falls. (In which Essek is resurrected by the Mighty Nein and framed for innocence.)

Why I loved this: Okay but this entire fic was a WHIRLWIND of emotions. I loved the moral dilemmas, the philosophical ponderings of what makes someone good or just, the heist feelings, and ultimately the end (even though it wrecked me to get there). I don't want to say too much here in case I spoil, but I totally recommend this read if you are interested in the Mighty Nein exploiting and using the loophole of a lifetime.

3- Time yields to no one (except for you and me)

Time yields to no one (except for you and me) (85178 words) by Chiakery (If you know them here let me know and I will tag them!) Chapters: 26/26 Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Summary: No matter what people say, Essek isn’t a god. As far as the proper classification goes, he’s not even a lesser idol. But he is a deity and the powers he possesses make people whisper his name like a prayer and seek his guidance in matters that transcend knowledge of mortal arcanists. But, in the end, it's always the same: they cower in fear before him as soon as they realise the size of destruction he’s capable of. There’s no reason to believe that Caleb Widogast would be any different. EDIT: Now with my version of Exandrian myth of creation with Luxon as the main star!

Why I vibe: I LOVE fics in which Essek is the champion - or something close to - of the Luxon and this one is especially wonderful. A deity who is painfully lonely (and a little evil), and a wizard who would quite literally trade their entire soul in exchange for knowledge (and attempt to trick a god). The way in which these two very broken people come in and out of one another's lives and find love and family in this longform fic has my entire heart. They both deserve so much love (and it does work out in the end even though it is a painful process!). I hope you enjoy at least one or all of these fics! __________________

The Previous lists;

1. Shadowgast Corporate/Office-Au Rec List!

2. Shadowgast Bakery/Coffee/Tea Shop Au's I Love

3. Shadowgast Space-AUs I love

4. 3 Shadowgast fics that made me ugly cry

[grayintogreen]

WIP WEDNESDAY

4k into the finale of Arc Six right now. My vacation last week meant that I got to spoil everyone with two updates in two weeks, but I'm going back to biweekly now or at least something that rhymes with it.

Here's a sneak peek, featuring some delicious echoes of the canon timeline.

-

Cree excused herself from the conversation about the maximum time it would take to make it to Rumblecusp and what they needed to do in Nicodranas now that they had only days instead of weeks. She wasn't going to sit there and pretend to be okay with it when she had finally accepted that she might have some time to fucking breathe.

Yes, she'd do anything for Jester, but gods it was every fucking minute with these people.

Her people. Well, that was her fault for choosing them.

She stood to the side, waiting patiently for Caleb to finish talking to Lucien and head out the door with Caduceus and Yasha in tow. Judging by the longing look Lucien shot their retreating backs, she could imagine only one thing they were about to be seeking out.

“Is it time?” She asked, just to be certain. Her tail lashed behind her, simultaneously anxious and thrilled.

“Mm. Suppose it is. I think Widogast wanted to wait a bit longer before he had to dig out that much clay again, but it's kind of him to put it high on the docket.“

“That is how Caleb shows his affection. He is a strange wizard.”

“Indeed he is.” Lucien tipped back in his chair because Bluud wasn't around to make him stop, having gone to the back to accept a delivery of new furniture. “You haven't said a word about any of this. Not fond of my new form?”

Ivan Fantine's body was a fine specimen of humanity to the average person, aside from the fact that he had pale blond stubble growing in patchy and his hair was in his face- Lucien hadn't bothered to do anything with either yet. And yet, all Cree saw was the same thing Lucien saw when he looked in the mirror- a man who probably didn't deserve to die like this, but certainly deserved something awful.

“Of course not. I hated Ivan as much as you did.”

“Doubtful.” He let the chair fall back on four legs with a thud. “But that's a problem that's going to be settled once the wizard's back. I meant the other… thing.”

Ah yes. The adult dragon-sized wolf in the room. “I hate it, Lucien. You know I don't like dogs.”

He didn't take offense to it, but his smirk was so infuriating, she almost wished he had lost his temper. “That's the part you hate?”

“I do not doubt you will… avoid problems with the Beast.” That was how June back in the Orders had always described it. The Beast, like it was a separate entity. “But I do worry it will make you even more reckless.” Off his look of quiet frustration, she sighed. “ That is not the same sort of lycanthropy we saw in the Orders.“

”No, and I don't know that it will be useful all the time. I can sort of… feel it a bit.” He pursed his lips. “It's not very bright.“

And Lucien did so value his intelligence. ”It does not strike me as more practical than a blade, no.“

”But still useful, liberating in its own way. You know, maybe Caleb has the right idea, slippin' off into animals like he does.“

That was something coming from Lucien whose biggest fear outside of whatever the Somnovem did to him and being held in bondage was a feeblemind spell. Perhaps there was something liberating in being allowed to let go in a safe environment, knowing you’d be back to yourself in an hour.

Provided you could control it without biting anyone.

However. ”If you wanted to be a mindless animal, you should just let Jester turn you into a cat again.”

“Well, I didn't exactly have much of a choice, did I? Ivan was there and he was ripe.” He flexed his fingers. “Don't suck all the joy out of it. I'm aware there's going to be consequences, but I'm about to be me again. And if I'm me with a bit of a beast to tame, well… That was always true, aye?“

”I suppose it was, aye.“ Perhaps not so literal, but apparently the Raven Queen had a sense of humor and there was no denying she had a hand in this somehow. It felt like she'd hit both of them with consequences for their actions against her while still making certain she could use them.

This was why she preferred the Champion. He was infuriating but at least he was straightforward.

”Do you want me to be there?“ She finally asked. Anything else would just turn them in circles. Lucien was confident in what was done and would hear no more about it until it suddenly became a problem.

”I'd think I'd like everyone there. It's not as much fun if there's hardly anyone around to hear my birth cry.“ He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling, wistfully. ”Veth said it was like a cocoon, eh? That's interesting.“

”Why's that?“

”I always wanted to be a butterfly.“

[burningdarkfire]

dear critter (wildflowers 2024)

Hi! I’m burningdarkfire on both AO3 and tumblr.

The prompts below are in order of preference, although of course I would be excited about anything listed (which is why I listed them!). If you want reference points, I’ve written 50+ critrole fics on my main AO3 account that you are welcome to peruse. 

I read widely and am hard to shock or dismay. In general, I would prefer for you to write something you are comfortable with than tie yourself into knots trying to fulfill my vision. Confident writing is fun to read!

I am not active in discord servers but you can always reach me on tumblr if you have questions. Here is last year's Dear Critter letter if you'd like it for reference.

Details below!

DNWs:

I love reading and writing about trans characters, but I do not want to put the pressure of conforming to my complex preferences onto a gifter. Please avoid any unrequested genderfuckery—there are two exceptions that I will detail in the next section.

I do not want any included or implied character backstory for Essek Thelyss that whumps him to explain or excuse his actions—this includes abuse from his family members, abuse from members of the Cerberus Assembly, etc. Additionally, I strongly prefer that Essek returns to the Dynasty post-campaign and tries to build a home there.

I do not want sprinklings of other languages in the fic—this includes snippets of dialogue, recurring jokes, nicknames, pet names, etc. I know it’s a canon characteristic for some but I prefer not to read it. It’s fine for the narration to indicate that characters are speaking in other languages or if there is a specific purpose to the change in language (e.g., familial titles that don’t translate if they are strictly necessary for the world-building).

Likes:

Explicit fic, including both smut and darkfic

Power dynamics, complicated relationships, codependency, devotion, strong platonic bonds, relationships that defy labels, polyamory, having casual sex or sex between people who are not in a romantic relationship, waking up together, laughing together, descriptions of food and other small aspects of domestic life, found family

Stories that explore the role gender plays in character—the two exceptions to the above "no genderfuckery" are a/b/o and Rule 63

I absolutely adore aromantic Caleb Widogast with my whole heart

Request #1: Campaign 2 Wizard Soups

Astrid/Eadwulf/Essek/Caleb, Astrid/Essek, Astrid/Eadwulf/Essek, Eadwulf/Essek

Definitely my flavour of the year! They're so similar and yet so different—I love to imagine how they might fit (or not fit!) with each other. There's a lot of potential post-canon for complicated feelings—jealousy, nostalgia, missing someone even though they're right there, staking claims on Caleb's past/present/future, budding and re-budding relationships. I don't need Caleb to be present in a fic where he isn't included in the central pairing, but I think his presence or absence is exactly what makes A/E/W contending with each other interesting. I love it when no one knows the answer to "what are we?"  Divergent canons, such as Volstrucker!Bren, are also totally okay and encouraged. I particularly enjoy explorations of the canon where Astrid kills Trent and/or the existence of the Volstrucker continue under her hand. I think there's a lot of opportunity to explore how A/E/W are much closer to the dirty details of running a nation versus an idealistic Caleb—how might they collaborate or antagonize? 

Request #2: Campaign 2 Blumendrei

Astrid/Eadwulf/Caleb, Astrid&Eadwulf&Caleb, Astrid/Eadwulf, Astrid/Caleb, Eadwulf/Caleb

It's my fucking bread and butter and I'll take pretty much anything. Academy days, post-campaign reunion, the most nebulous of timelines or the most obscure of AUs. I'm happy to read about assassination missions, eating lunch together, or an AU with nonsensical white collar office jobs. How did their relationship start—how did it fall apart—how did they reconnect? It can be nostalgic, happy, or toxic. It's fine if not all the characters involved are queer, as long as they're together. The sky's really the limit here!

Request #3: Campaign 2 Wizard Shenanigans

Astrid/Jester, Astrid&Jester, Astrid/Beauregard, Astrid&Beauregard, Astrid/Marion, Eadwulf/Fjord/Jester, Caleb/Lucien, Caleb/Nott, Caleb/Essek/Jester, Caleb/Essek/Fjord, Caleb/Marion

Basically this is the catch-all category for "happy to read more about the wizards"! Again, pretty much anything goes—flirty and fun, serious parallel character studies, "what if" moments in canon that might have turned another way. Non-canonical pairings in the background are okay and even encouraged. If Fjord and/or Jester are involved, I've always held an immense soft spot for Pirate AUs (set in Exandria or elsewhere). My only preference is that Astrid, Wulf, and Caleb remain on good (or just unknown) terms if the fic is focused on them with other partners.

Request #4: Campaign 2 Polynein

M9/M9, Fjord/Beauregard, Caleb/Beauregard

I believe deeply that relationships don't have to all look the same—I would love to explore what Polynein looks like, in the canon world or another! What does it look like with children involved, with marriages, with differing or changing primary partners, when the Nein are scattered across the globe?  Including the Beauregard pairs here as I feel like they're natural fits in this category, but I would also be interested in how you can make them work otherwise!

Request #5: EXU Calamity

Asmodeus the Lord of the Nine Hells/Zerxus Ilerez

I just think there should be more fic about how they're fucked up together and what it looks like for them to be bonded to each other post-game. I'm not particularly caught up on Campaign 3 but would be interested to read what they might be up to in the "current day" of canon (spoilers totally fine) or at any other point in the past or future. Please don't soften the sharp edges of this one.

[spottedenchants]

Let's try a weird one and see if I've double up on it too XD

Joshua by Simon Curtis for Caleb.

now this is some PRIME amv potential for Caleb's self-loathing and longing...

many words, so see under the cut for Thoughts :3

I'm so tired of people always saying that I'm a good person, 'cause I'm not It's like, if they could only see what was in my head

So our intro is Caleb's standing conclusion of his character and backstory c. ep 18 when he tells Beau and Nott the story of how he killed his mother and father:

"But you didn't know what you were doing--"

"So what?"

"You were brainwashed."

"So what?!"

"Programmed."

"Doesn't matter, I should have-- I'm a disgusting person. It doesn't matter."

[Instrumental]

Backstory time! Titles over pleasant shots of Bren and his parents and Frumpkin :3

Little boy's coming to his own He's gotta make them big decisions 'cause he's grown He's gonna get a rude awakening if he don't realize Who really loves him, who lies

This bit could covers the beginning of the Caleb origins comic pretty well, I think. First line, a smiley Bren heading into Rexxentrum, getting settled. Second line: excelling in his classes and getting picked by Trent alongside Astrid and Wulf. Third line is the haircutting and 'endurance training' with residuum. Fourth line starts with blumendrei cuddling up in the tower and then the 'lies' hits with Trent's grin as he sees them the next morning.

Do you ever stop to wonder if they love you When you look into the mirror do you see the truth Or do the voices in your head still got you confused Do they make you wanna say

More Caleb origins. First line: blumendrei teamwork torture and bath. Second line: blumendrei going home (good end) and then 'do you see the truth' goes with Trent's Modify Memory. Third line: back to Blumenthal, murder time. Fourth line: fire, screams, yowling.

I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am

1: Bonk -> in the Sanatorium 2: Aging/beard growing 3: Mind cleared + escape -> Trevor Albrecht

Who I am Who I am Who I am

1: Eren Angermeier 2: Colin Krämer 3: Philip Sommer

I'm not a good boy

In jail (Max Degenhardt) -> Caleb Widogast

Wonder if you ever stop and think About whatever happened to me Did you ever maybe think that I was victimized By those who said they loved me, they lied

Line 1: Trauma response in the manticore cave -> Molly's slap + forehead kiss. Line 2: Party's on the road! Line 3: Victory Pit Trent sighting + High Richter house Fjord sword moment. Line 4: Nott saying her fake name is Bren.

Do you ever stop to wonder if I love you When you look into the mirror do you see the truth Or do the voices in your head still got you confused Do they make you wanna say

Line one is totally this moment: "You should just go. You have told too much. I am going to go. It's time to go. He sits there for a solid five minutes. Then two hours. Wait for everyone to wake up."

I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am Who I am Who I am Who I am I'm not a good boy

Pirate arc montage maybe? (<- is in desperate need of a rewatch)

Ooh, do you know that you broke me down-down-down Ooh, and I'm letting it go, I'm breaking it down-down-down-down

Would be fun to flash forward and back here

1: "You made vulnerability look so easy" 2: "Light them up, pretty."

Ooh, forever I know you've broken it down-down-down-down Ooh, I just want you to know you can turn it around

this time back and forward

1: "Your people were doing experiments and trying to find out and harness the power of-- What? It's your people! It's the people that you know and trained with." 2: "Maybe if I could talk plainly with you and see one inch of change, then I wouldn't believe we're all damned."

[Instrumental]

This bit from ep 49:

"I'm not a very good person."

"Well, I don't think our actions define who we are all the time. Good people do bad things sometimes. Even bad people do good things. I think you're a good person."

And then Fjord and Jester with the one-two punch of:

"Also, I don't think a very bad person would care about us."

"I don't think a very bad person would care that he was very bad."

I-I'm not who you think I am

Cut to Caleb offering the beacon and Essek being all 😒

I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am Who I am Who I am Who I am I'm not a good boy

Xhorhas arc + traveler con mayhaps

I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am I-I-I-I-I'm not who you think I am Who I am Who I am Who I am I'm not a good boy

aeor montage

and then the outro getting staggered like so:

"You're a good person."

This isn't about you It's about me

"(sighs) I... could be."

[katagawajr]

10 Characters | 10 Fandoms | 10 Tags!

(tagged by @babeoffrontiers thank you!!! 🫶)

i think other than the number one spot, none of these are in any particular order. but yes let's begin.

Caleb Widogast (Critical Role). undisputed favorite character in any piece of media, he’s my entire world. literally a perfect narrative story, an emotional character exploration of grief and found family and time itself. profoundly sad man but also filled with so much silly sweetness that makes the sadness even MORE painful. he's a friend, he's a lover, he's a pining man, he's of the empire but not a friend to the empire. he's MY boy, he's a magic man, he's trying to be the man his parents believed he could be. i can cry (and have cried) about him for hours on end but i’m not making this list any longer. ("hi caleb... how are you doing today?" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH)

Gale Dekarios (Baldur’s Gate 3). omg another sad wizard? sorry i have a type. wyll also belongs on this list but i’m hopelessly drawn to gale so i have to pick him. mama’s boy? cat dad? big wet eyes, a little suicidal and extremely devoted? i don’t know that i’ve clutched my heart harder than when i saw his act 2 romance scene for the first time. i think it also just pulls at my heartstrings that his relationship with tav is so showing of his kindness regardless of whether or not you romance him. even platonic gale is so ;-;

Ann Takamaki (Persona 5). i fought about putting yusuke or ryuji or even zenkichi but this spot has to go to ann because she's just so. perfect. the first arc of p5 is the BEST hands down and she's literally one of the biggest reasons why. the writers end up ruining her but the way she grows even in that first arc... her confidant scene with the line "i'm just a lonely, scared girl..." BREAKS ME. she's a treasure, she's strong and kind and wants to be a light for others while not giving up on the things that make her 'girly.' and her love for ryuji as best friends is one of my favorite dynamics ever.

Artemis (Hades). i love artemis in general, i grew an attachment during my greek mythology kid phase and never let go so i'm obsessed with every iteration of her in media. but artemis in hades has my favorite visual design in the game combined with her quiet sweetness :') and her willingness to have a family bond with zagreus because she's also an outcast who's overwhelmed by her other family members. and then to be a total badass of a goddess, ugh love her.

Katagawa Jr. (Borderlands). okay this one is funny because i honestly love katagawa as an OC more than canon... like canon treated him pretty badly and if it was based on that alone then august tftbl would be in this spot. but the POTENTIAL... ohhh the potential... youngest son born into the highest echelon of one of the most powerful companies in the galaxy, but to CEO parents who see them only as property?? and puts barcodes on the back of their necks?? and katagawa jr being the desperately lonely, attention-seeking son? don't get me started on him and naoko... genuinely my OC now. i took him from canon.

Julian Devorak (The Arcana). this one always embarrasses me to talk about because it's like a romance visual novel game. so let's make it quick. but julian is unironically such a good character, i'm a sucker for the way he loves his little sister more than anything in the world. also for being a silly pirate plague doctor who wants to help people, blames himself for a past he can't even remember, and trips over his own heels being so madly in love. the outfit and eyepatch too, 10/10.

Crona Gorgon (Soul Eater). the definition of 'nonbinary baby' LMAO- but seriously, i instantly fell in love with their design when i first watched. one of the best ever, including ragnarok's design being a part of them. being so powerful but so pained, just such a sad soul and it's so interesting to watch them on screen. i love a character that seems silly and awkward and then also can turn very scary/cool. brief shoutout to stein though, i almost put him on here instead because his design and fighting style are just peak >>

Mad Maggie (Apex Legends). my first ever apex love was horizon, but idk when maggie came out i just fell in love with her personality? she's SO funny to me. i also love her and fuse's backstory, and i think her tough attitude but capability of being kinda sweet as well is cute (although i genuinely just adore her as a mean character too. let women be meaner. she's funny and hot about it). her kit is also very fun even though i'm bad with it, i love riot drilling halfway across the map when i play her. her voice is 10/10 and even her theme music is banger.

Undyne (Undertale). undertale still has one of the greatest narratives in all of gaming history and i will die happily on that hill. sorry. undyne was always my girl, her being the badass knight (that everyone assumes is some scary guy), her theme music is still one of THE best video game songs ever. her design is amazing, finding out that she's papyrus's friend and that she's in love with alphys, her backstory with asgore. all amazing character beats. and that's not even mentioning the genocide run... "for the sake of the whole world... I, UNDYNE, WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN." ugh.

Prince Canute (Vinland Saga). gah i haven't even watched season 2 yet because i'm terribly behind. BUT. oh my god, i think canute's monologue in the snow in season 1 actually fundamentally changed my brain???? and the way that i think??? like i felt something crack within me. i actually gave a talk about that exact scene in an animation class i had once. anyways i loved watching him on screen and watching him change... watching him be so sad... not to mention his design is just very very pretty. can't wait to see my best friend canute in s2 i'm sure nothing bad will happen right.

tagging: @magnuficentwo @aliensmoothie and anyone else who wants to do it if you feel like it, no obligation :) i'm bad at the tagging part of tag games sorry!

[hyperionshipping]

TRICKS can u tell me things abt ur f/os considering I rambled abt John yesterday..... TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM TELL ME SILLY CUTE THINGS U DO W THEM!!!♡♡

WELLLL. See there's SO much to sayy for this. Hmm hmm!!! Lemme list some for each romantic f/o. I love lists <3

Handsome Jack

THIS MAN. THIS MAN. HIM.

What don't I fucking do with Jack. He's everything to me. Our anniversary was earlier this month. He's not even the f/o I've had the longest but he truly is special to me. More than any other f/o

We are the worst couple. We stay winning. We are NOT made for each other <3.

Jack can't sleep without me but would not ever admit that. I sleep with my face to his chest, and his leg between my thigh.

We are the worst with PDA. Anything you can think of? Jack's done to me in public. And he will do it again. And again, and again, and again and--

I fight for Jack <3 absolutely utterly dedicated to him. In an unhealthy way.

He's gotten me bandits to practice shooting on. Live targets are better to try out new guns on after all!!

Sometimes, late at night, I get to see glimpses of his face without the mask on. He's the most handsome thing to me.

Killian Jones

The like Biggest thing I do for him is very often smooth down his hair a lot. Both when he's frazzled and just because.

This isn't a thing *I* do as much, but god he's a big ol' flirt. We are SO disgusting with our PDA. We ARE kissing again, yes indeed

We hang out at the beach pretty often! Killian swears he isn't a pirate anymore but I know the way he looks at the sea. So, often, dates end up with us walking the beach

Caleb Widogast

GOD. Where do I start?

I braid his hair a lot, so often. Or put it in a ponytail, tuck it behind his ear. Anything. Caleb always melts when I do.

We fight TOGETHER!!!! I have a whole fic on this. We always have each other's backs in combat. Where he goes I follow. That's FINAL.

We kinda. We heal each other. In more ways than one. Caleb learns to let himself heal through me, and it's the same for me

Some of our best moments is when Caleb reads to me in Zemnian. Do I understand all of it? No. But he speaks so softly, so gently, it always makes me feel safe. And Frumpkin will join us, and it's so good!!!!!

I call him sunshine and hummingbird!

Hardwon Surefoot

My honeyboy <3

I tease HIM!!! He has his moments too. The way we actually meet is him going "watch this!" and failing so bad that I laugh and call him cute and join him and the other boobs!

We also fight together for sure but it's different than Caleb and I.

I braid his hair. ALL. THE. TIME. And wash it. Style it. Eveything. Hardwon barely does his own hair anymore. I always braid it with dwarven braids for his heritage, and crick knots for the family that accepted him for who he is.

I do the same for his beard. I help him keep it in tiptop shape

ALWAYS together in one big bed.

I follow him to the ends of the earth (literally, really).

Grog Strongjaw

Power couple. That's us!

Literally. We are two barbarians. I'm letting him take my kill because it's ROMANTIC. AND YOU GUYS DON'T GET IT!!!!

What's more romantic than the heart of our enemy? Nothing! That's the gift I'm giving him.

Also his biggest hype man following Scanlan and Pike.

I pick him flowers a lot too. He always worries about breaking them cause they're real delicate and he's not but I promise him it's ok

I let him do MY hair. That's a great privilege. He's the first of the party I let touch it

Lepos

Also a PDA heavy couple. Lee sometimes gets a little flustered from it all. But he also got me in bed because he was a flirt...

He's my kitty. My big, fat, demon <3

He really likes rodeos, and I always oblige him and go with him!! I am learning about them more slowly but surely.

I constantly lay on his chest to listen to him purr. It's the most comforted and safe I've ever felt

We dance a lot in our house, to no particular song. If I grab his hands and look up at him and smile, ask him to dance he'll always do it!

Crowley

Little shit. *Shoves him* *punches him*

Ugh. HIM.

Behind closed doors, he's a big lover. All he wants is that, you know? And, though it takes him a while to admit it? He hasn't felt Loved like this in a while. A long while. Forever, really.

We tick each other off. Threats that go nowhere.

He sends hellhounds to watch over me! Just gotta make sure I'm safe.

He's really very protective at the end of the day. God forbid he learn a demon tried to do me harm. They aren't going to see the light of tomorrow.

He always takes me on such lavish dates. Really, I don't know what to do with myself at the places he brings me x_x

Lucifer Morningstar

rAUGH.

I fell for him so hard and so fast. Fuck!!!!!

We party often~. At Lux, at his penthouse, just out, that one time at that one place... It really doesn't end.

I dote on him so much. He says I'm awfully lovey-dovey for a demon and I just kiss him again.

Something special Luci does for just me is, since L.A. makes it hard to see the stars, he drives me out and away just so I can look at the stars with awe. He thinks it's so beautiful to see me so enamoured with something so simple.

He sings to me too! Serenades me~. Alone in his penthouse, he'll play the piano, let me sit on the bench as he plays, or place his hands over mine to play the keys. He sings me Frank Sinatra specifically.

Jack Hodgins

Ohhh Hodgepodge. My lovebug!!

I help him with all of the experiments he does. Always hands-on with him!!

He loves flirting with me. Because he always, always figures out what to say to make me blush beet red.

He fell so damn hard for me though so like, checkmate baby!

He likes when I call him King Of The Lab <3. He is, by the way.

We always go on lunch dates to this one Sandwich shop in D.C. that's my secret little spot!!!

And, when we go out? I find every bug I can to ask him about it, and ask for facts and god I love hearing him talk. I could listen to him for hours

Lance Sweets

Sweets <3. I... Didn't expect to fall for him like I did.

I like making him blush! I do it a lot by accident. It's very easy heheh.

I love just hanging out with Sweets. He means a lot to me and he didn't GET that as much when he was a kid.

Karaoke is a thing that is like OUR thing. It was our first date too. We always sing rock songs together!!

VINYL SHOPPING TOO!!!!!!! He used to work at one, and I collect them. Sweets helps me find my favorite bands and cool, older vinyl.

John Constantine

Hold on a minute. *FUCKING SHAKESHIM SO HARD*

Okay. See. I didn't MEAN to fall in love with him!!!! Me and John's thing was. Mutually beneficial. FWB's. But I should've known he wouldn't last in one of those.

It so wasn't ME with feelings first. No. It was ol' Johnnyboy. Trust me.

We get into so many stupid situations together. Constantine and a demon together? Strap in!

Silly stuff we do together though... date nights are always fun. Wherever I wanna go.

He's stuck with me! I tell him that a lot. Even when he's being a little shit. He can't get rid of me if he tried. And oh how he tried.

Fun things to do with YOUR demon lover! Send them back to Hell!

I forgave him.

LOVE cuddling that man. And rubbing my face against his stubble or beard. Heheh ^w^.

[lemonous-snake]

"It's All So Incredibly Loud" is literally a Caleb Widogast song like I don't know how to more clearly sum up early game Caleb's personality than with the lyric "gave it all and everything for more time, but I lost"

[critter-rarepair-reccs]

Hey all, hope everyone's having a good Wednesday! Today we have eight whump fics for your enjoyment! Some are on the lighter side, some are much heavier, so don't forget to mind the warnings! As always, you can find them below the cut and if you check any of them out, I encourage you to leave kudoes and comments to spread the rarepair love 🩷

if you must falter, be wise by mabarihound (3,546 words, Explicit) Pairing: Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss (Esswulf) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Unhappy Ending, Dubious Consent, Cannibalism, Body Horror

Wulf dies but Essek brings him back as a vampire, a la the Briarwoods.

Reccer Says: unhappy ending TO YOU. I'm built different. Essek is so fucking insane in this, Wulf is barely human, there's so much blood and bad sex, it's gruesome and sad and amazing. Love doesn't fix anything but it makes a thrilling story!

The Self in the Other by fjorests_of_wildemount (1,010 words, Teen) Pairing: Astrid Beck/Eadwulf Grieve (Blumenduo) Warnings: None

After killing some of Trent’s loyalists, Astrid and Wulf head home to tend their wounds.

Reccer Says: It’s a delicious glimpse into what post-C2 might look like for these two and I love it. Their dynamic oozes of the decade and a half of history between them and it’s so good.

Crowned Teeth (or, an Offering Revoked) by fruitzbat (130,570 words, Mature) Pairing: Kingsley Tealeaf/Original Female Character Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Slavery, Mentioned but Not Depicted Sexual Violence

Kingsley escapes being kidnapped by pirates after being mutinied against. Finding himself a long way from home, Kingsley then resorts to hunting the people responsible down with the help of a new ragtag bunch of misfits that call him captain.

Reccer Says: With respect to the rarepair, I think it's a fun dynamic. fruitzbat does a really good job of capturing all of those weird, uncomfortable nooks and crannies that come with new relationships. And I think most importantly, Kingsley really stretches his wings as his own person. There is such a clear vision of what he's like and how that's distinct from Molly and Lucien, and that clearness really carries throughout both this piece and the rest of the series.

which is a tenderness. by redhoods (5,724 words, Mature) Pairing: Fjord/Caleb Widogast (Widofjord) Warnings: Fjord-typical Self Harm, Fantasy Racism

Caleb returns to the tavern and learns Fjord has gotten hurt in a bar fight then locked himself in their room, refusing healing.

Reccer Says: Fjord angst and tender wound care *chef's kiss* (and also just a touch of trans Fjord)

i feel you, your precious soul by glossolali (6009 words, Mature) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss (Shadowmauk) Warnings: Offscreen Past Non-Consensual Body Modification, Mentions of Limb Loss & Amputation, Mentions of Disordered Eating, Selective Mutism, Panic Attacks

Essek, a cyberware expert, medical technician and researcher, helps his friends save Mollymauk’s life using what he knows best. What he didn't count on, was the connection that would develop between them, and his own misgivings about it.

Reccer Says: Cyberpunk/cybernetics AU, Essek has mixed feelings about fixing up Molly, and about initiating a relationship (established shadowgast, established widomauk, but Essek hasn't said anything to Molly about them yet). Its great <3 mollymauk's half cybernetic/prosthetics, and the malfunctioning is pretty oof

fell in love with the fire long ago by BananasofThorns (2,501 words, Teen) Pairing: Fjord/Caleb Widogast (Widofjord) Warnings: Mind Control, Burns

Caleb has been mind controlled and is attacking the party with deadly intent. Fjord has a ring of fire resistance and a bad plan.

Reccer Says: What's not to love about a person being forced to hurt those they care about and then blaming themself for it? I've rearead this 3 times.

by the water by nonbinarywithaknife (578 words, Teen) Pairing: Veth Brenatto/Yeza Brenatto Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Nott-Typical Alcoholism

In Felderwin, Nott sits by the river and remembers.

Reccer Says: Mostly sad, briefly sweet. She's really been going through it😢

Peace At Last by HyperKid (4,770 words, Mature) Pairing: Jester Lavorre/Mollymauk Tealeaf (Jestermauk) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Mentioned Past Character Death

After Cognouza, Jester takes some quiet time to herself in the Blooming Grove. Molly finds her and they cuddle and talk through some difficult emotions.

Reccer Says: It's heartaching and sweet in equal measures. The atmosphere is beautiful and suits it so well. Molly and Jester fit together so well, like the softest of puzzle pieces, if that makes sense. Their relationship feels natural and you can sense the strength of their bond in each moment. It's got some wonderful mentions of Jester's struggle with being the Happy One and Molly having lost so much time while his friends have grown as well, on top of all of the other deliciously angsty feelings the two of them are coping with.

Thank you for joining us this week's recc list! All the love to everyone who submitted a fic 🩷 All enclosed recommendations were submitted by the community via our submissions form, which you can find here. All fic information is as it was provided by the reccer, so it may not be accurate to the author’s intent or the precise contents of the fic itself. Please assume good intent from all parties 🩷

Submissions for next week’s list are already open! We’ll be featuring Pre-Relationship fics. If you have any you’d like to highlight, you can send them in here. The week after that, the theme is Canon Divergence and the week after that we're taking recommendations for rarepairs including Keyleth! Submissions for both themes are also currently open.

If you want more rarepair fic, check out @cr-summer-wildflowers and their event collections on ao3! If you want some friendship after all this romance, take a look at @critter-genfic-events and their recc lists! And if you’re interested in everyone’s favorite wizards, you can’t go wrong with the lists at @aeor-is-for-reccing !

Thanks all and have a lovely day/night/timezone! 🩷

[marymauk]

Marymauk fic recs: Post-canon Essek things

It's all basically canon compliant. Sorta. Almost. Look, let me have that last one, okay? Also a few of them are actually more about Caleb. Shhh.

Paperback Romance by EscWizard (Esc), T, 5k, Shadowgast

There had been rumours about his and Caleb's sordid love affair since long before it was technically true. Essek was simply... playing into them a little, to help his defection go a little more smoothly. Rosohna would gossip about it for a few months, and then the rumour mill would move on, as it always does.

(it doesn't).

Or: how Essek and Caleb accidentally inspired (at least) a few dozen smut novels.

As funny as you might expect, with a surprisingly heartfelt Verin moment in the middle.

The Climb by Chekhov, T, 6k, Shadowgast

It’s... the stupidest thing.

Essek grits his teeth. It’s a trained habit - a way to redirect some of the pain without showing any symptoms. A Shadowhand never shows his hand, and it is this he excels at - a poker face, a well-concealed illusion of poise and grandeur and tolerance.

But today, he is unlucky.

Because there is little that escapes the keen mind of Widogast - and here he has quite the disadvantage.

It is, quite literally, his least favored terrain.

Stairs.

The mortifying ordeal of walking up a set of stairs. The ending Killed me. I'm dead.

path of the traveled sun by mousecookie, G, 6k, Essek and Verin

The baby chews on the ring and considers Verin with doleful sea-green eyes.

"She is teething,” Essek reports, and the way he says it reminds Verin of the days Essek was still memorizing arcane fundamentals. “I am told that the lower tusks are particularly discomforting in their early stages, even when they are milk teeth."

“Understandable,” Verin replies. He feels mentally adrift, like he’s stepped into an alternate universe, one where his aloof brother has been replaced by this warm, doting double.

Just some good Essek and Verin conversation feat. a Fjorester baby

come in from the storm by hanap, T, 3k, Shadowgast

“I haven’t heard from him in a while,” Caleb admits.

It has been nineteen days, eight hours, and forty-five minutes, to be precise.

The knot of worry that seems to be permanently lodged in his chest these days coils a little tighter.

The wizards have had an argument about whos turn it is to feed the cats. Is this the end?

Pastries and Paradise by Professor_Rye, G, 1k, Jester and Essek

For their weekly Bakery Vacation, Essek takes Jester to a famous Tal'dorei bakery. This time though, he has something to show her. Now if only she'd notice.

Jester and Essek my beloveds

Living a Nightmare, Chasing a Dream by Professor_Rye, T, 7k, Shadowgast

Caleb is in the middle of class when his husband sends him a desperate message. He's hurt, he's confused, and he has no idea where he is. Caleb and the Nein are now racing against the clock to try to find where Essek might be, and to get to him before his assassins do.

Gratuitous use of the word "husband"

Lay Your Bones by LadyOrpheus, T, 53k, Shadowgast, the Mighty Nein, and Verin Thelyss

Footsteps pad down the hall and past the stairs. Actual footsteps. Verin can’t remember the last time he saw Essek walk on his own two feet. He feels a twisted knot form beneath his sternum; something isn’t right.

Thinking only of justice and restoring his family's honor after Essek's betrayal, Verin Thelyss finds something he never expected, an Essek he never expected. A mission for justice turns into a race against time and a family finds their world upended.

Aaaaa this fic!! Listen, basically, I love it...

[tickle-bugs]

far be it from me to avoid soliciting more CR fic, especially from an author whose work i am always respectfully 👀 at - may I request 30 with any characters of your choice? -Chock

omg,,, thee @chockfullofsecrets of critickle role fame? in my inbox? Such a special occasion deserves one in return: have my very first attempt at a CR fic :)

30. “I’m not ticklish, who do you think I am?”

Please hold off sending new ficlet requests for now! I'm trying to catch up :)

“I’m not ticklish. Who do you think I am? Caleb?” Molly huffs, staring Jester down. He recognizes that look on her face--wide, sparkling eyes, a tail twitching with promises of tickly ruin--and he wants it, badly, but his pride is at stake here.

“Sounds like something a ticklish person would say~” She singsongs, making another swipe at him. He dances out of her reach.

“Mr. Mollymauk.” Caleb’s voice pierces the air. Molly freezes, then turns slowly on his heel.

“Yes, Mr. Widogast?” He means for it to come out snarky, but he lands just shy of breathless. Caleb’s giving him that look, which means he heard him. Shit.

“Come here.” A pause, then softer: “You too, Jester. You should see this.”

Molly all-but-drifts over to Caleb, feeling like a fish on a hook of his own making. Jester skips along behind him, her mischievously hungry gaze rising goosebumps along his arms.

“We can--ah, we can talk about this, can’t we?”

“You seem plenty inclined to talk already.” Caleb pulls him close, back to chest, and his hands roam up Molly’s torso. His first thought of Ah, that’s quite nice actually immediately evaporates into a wave of snickers as Caleb kneads into his sides.

“Molly, you lied to me?” Jester gasps, and well, that doesn’t bode well for him.

“‘Lie’ is such a strong word--”

Jester crowds in close, practically vibrating, and she buries her hands beneath his arms. She discovers the devastating effectiveness of gentle touch a little too quickly for Molly’s liking, but then Caleb’s spinning him around and he’s face to face with a decidedly worse threat: Caleb’s smirking at him. Not that he can see much, anyways--his eyes are wrenched shut in laughter.

“Does someone have a ticklish tummy?” Jester giggles evilly, not even attempting baby talk, and claws at Molly’s middle. He jumps into full-blown laughter, sucking in his quivering stomach, but Jester presses her thumbs in and he shrieks.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Caleb murmurs into his ear, and Molly can fucking hear his grin. Wizard’s on the menu tonight--Molly is going to string Widogast up and devastate him. Jester would be dessert.

It can’t get worse until it does--Caleb worms a hand up the back of Molly’s shirt and starts playing with the thin skin between his shoulderblades. Molly digs his claws into Caleb’s ratty coat and jumps, somewhere between climbing him to get away and toppling him over.

Jester giggles and squeezes at his hips, fascinated by the desperate, wheezy noises floating out of him. Caleb spreads a strong palm over Molly’s back, scritching gently but persistent, and the conflict between the two sets of hands finally pushes him to at least try getting away.

“Okay, gods above, Caleb i-it tihickles!” He shoves at Caleb’s chest, tossing his head back.

“Hey, I’m helping too!” Jester pokes along Molly’s ribs in strikes more precise than Beau could ever hope for. He jolts at every touch.

“Hm, that’s nice,” Caleb hooks his chin over Molly’s shoulder, likely sharing a smile with Jester, “But that is not what I asked you.”

Oh, now that’s just cruel.

“I-I cahahan’t!” He whines, hoping for some pity.

“Then perhaps I will keep going, until you have something worthwhile to say.” Caleb massages his thumbs into Molly’s lower back, just into the little dimples there, and Molly screeches. His fingers work nice and slow into either side of his spine and it tickles, fuck--

A hand grabs his tail and he whirls around, chest burning, to meet a very smug-looking Jester. She knows. She’s a Tiefling, of course she knows, but the promise of what’s to come sends all shreds of his pride out the window.

“I beg of you, don’t--”

“Jester, what are you doing?” The curiosity in Caleb’s voice sends a shiver down Molly’s spine.

“Tieflings have very sensitive tails. Sometimes it’s, like, a sexy thing, but usually it just tickles a bunch--” She scritches a claw over the heart-shaped end of Molly’s tail-- “Isn’t that right?”

Mollymauk has left the building. He’s got fight and flight covered--he keeps flopping between giggling like a madman into the open air and cackling wildly into Caleb’s shoulder. If they weren’t holding him up, he’d certainly be in a heap on the ground.

He tries to pull his tail from her grasp but she’s got a good grip on it, and when she spreads her claws over the tip of it, a debilitating zing! races down his spine and into his limbs. He feels it in his muscles everywhere, absolutely alight with sparks, and that unbearable little tickle shuts his whole body down.

“Think before you speak next time, ja?” Caleb tilts his chin up, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips.

Molly’s too caught up on his laughter and the idea of a ‘next time’ to offer any coherent replies.

[saphirered]

Would an individual ask about Caleb ending up with the reader instead of Essek at the end of campaign be alright? I love the wizard bois together, but I'm crushing baaaad on Caleb hehe. Maybe they teach and live happily ever after together, very domestic living after all the adventures they've had :3

Hoping to satisfy your Caleb crush. How's this for some domestic fluff? Enjoy! 😘

The first rays of sunlight are blocked by thick heavy curtains. Awake or asleep, Caleb’s sense of time never fails him. He wakes up bright and early on the minute precise but makes no move to truly start his day. How could he with the sight he wakes to? There you lay, in his arms, eyes closed in peaceful sleep. Never did he think he’d see you so relaxed, or allow yourself to be so relaxed. Sure your lives are not free of stress or the occasional disaster and rarely are your livelihoods in peril these days but compared to months ago that doesn’t even come close to the dangers you’ve faced together; dangers that the majority of the people will never know about. A moment of peace and quiet was just another luxury you and him couldn’t truly afford no matter how much you may have pretended. But now you finally know peace.

Caleb watches your eyes flutter beneath your eyelids and watches just a moment longer carefully trailing his fingers up from their place on your waist to your cheek, caressing it fondly as you sleep. He reminisces when and where your lives intertwined in that tavern in Trostenwald and the events leading you both here together in your shared apartment in Rexxentrum at the Soltryce Academy as respectable teachers of the arts you both love.

When you first met Caleb feared you. He feared you more than anything for you just like him had ties to the Cerberus Assembly but you did not suffer the same fate he had. Luckily your studies were of no interest of his former master and you were instead claimed by another sent out into the world to learn more and find your own way. He was so scared you might lead the Assembly to his nonexistent doorstep and at one point entertained the thought you were a spy sent to bring him back but you proved the opposite. When he revealed his story and you told him you would help him or die trying beside him he brushed you off. Persistent as you are you gave him the wakeup call of a lifetime saying that you’re not doing this just for him but everyone before him, everyone after him.

To Caleb you will always represent all that is good and pure in this world despite the horrors that may have shaped you, changed you for better or worse. He will always consider himself to be the luckiest man in the world to have you at his side as his confidant, moral compass, study-mate, intellectual equal, bailout, friend, partner, but most of all; his lover for he could not want for anyone else in the world. No one could ever replace you and no one can compare to you. You may tell him you’re not the most intelligent, quick-witted, charming or interesting individual in the world but to him you are and he will argue with you on that until you grow tired of him and are forced to accept. He certainly does not mind the fluster of your cheeks and kiss you offer to shut him up.

And now you lie asleep cuddled up against him, limbs intertwined, the sunset orange covers slipping from your shoulder. Caleb hears the birds begin their song signalling he must leave the warm comforts of your embrace so carefully he begins to untangle his legs from yours, his arm from underneath your head replacing it by quickly pulling the pillow above down. He begins to untangle your grasp on his shirt slowly removing your fingers one by one. A deep intake of breath on your end and adjustment of your legs below the covers has him worried he’s woken you up.

Caleb knows fully well you have your own ways of waking up on time and you would have asked him the night before if he ought to wake you, so since you’re not already awake he’ll give you every extra minute of sleep you can get. You deserve it so he’ll curse himself if he’s the one to ruin it. Once you have adjusted and he’s sure you’re still sleeping he continues and removes himself from the warm comforts you’re huddled up among longing for nothing more than to share them a minute longer and gathers his things. In putting his lesson plans, notes and a few books to pass the time for the day he bends down to allow the orange tabby to jump into his arms and sets the cat onto the table taking a moment to stroke its fur and give some chin scratches leaving the little beastie purring.

Ridding himself of his night clothes Caleb puts on his shirt, and trousers tucking the shirt into the waistband and moves on to his footwear as per his usual routine. He takes the vest set out for him and is about to button it up when he feels eyes on him. His first thoughts go to the cat but that one’s not the guilty audience so instead his eyes fall to you, propped up against the headboard watching him.

“Well don’t stop on my accord. Though, I prefer the clothes back on the chair.” Your voice is still riddled with sleep but you’re awake enough for your comments so Caleb feels justified to give you a disapproving scowl though he cannot prevent the smile from creeping up his lips.

“Good morning to you too.” Caleb smiles as you cover a yawn with the back of your hand. You pull yourself out of the bed and stumble over to Caleb until you’re toe to toe placing a hand on his cheek guiding him into a kiss. Your lips move against his and his arms wrap around you to return and welcome your efforts openly. Though, enough’s enough and Caleb breaks the kiss giving you one final peck in an attempt to kiss away the onset disappointment and pout on your end.

“No matter how much I’d like to continue, Astrid will have both of our heads we show up late.” Caleb runs his fingers through your hair kissing your cheek as you cross your arms. Is there nothing you can do to convince him to stay? He might be right about Astrid…

“Well, I do not have any classes until second period but if you’re so adamant to stay with me I can send the archmage a message to tell her you’re regretful to be missing your first class of the day and to find a substitute.” You’re joking. Not really. A joke hiding the actual offer. Caleb considers it for a brief moment purely to entertain the thought but he knows very well he shouldn’t.

“You know we can’t but how about I make it up to you with dinner and dancing and a night in? Just the two of us.” Caleb cups your cheeks stroking your cheekbones with his thumbs, a gesture he knows very well makes you melt.

“That sounds like an agreeable offer, professor Widogast.” Your acceptance brings another bright smile to his face and he pulls you into another chaste kiss to seal the deal. This time you’re the one to pull away.

“Best get you ready for the day then, lest you be late.” Your nimble fingers stroke down the front of his chest finding the buttons of his vest and one by one buttoning them up. Once you’re done you take a few steps back looking him over.

“Do I pass your inspection, professor?” Caleb laughs half the mind to do a little spin for you but he refrains instead lifting the cat from the table into his arms.

“With flying colours. I think his highness is inclined to agree.” You watch as the cat meows making himself comfortable in your wizard’s arms without any intent to go anywhere but alas, all good things come to an end be it for the cat or you. With some protests Caleb puts the cat back on the ground allowing the creature to skitter off to gods know where.

You pull open the curtains allowing the light of dawn to fill the room. Caleb already regrets the decision of not taking you up on your offer to call in late and miss his first class as you look absolutely radiant but he feels certain both of you will be missing second and possibly even third period if he does, so he must refrain. Tonight will make up for it. He’s already got the perfect place in mind for dinner.

You catch Caleb staring, his gaze following you as you pull at the heavy fabric until the outside world is revealed to you. You put a little sway in your step before you gather your own clothes for the day and change in your usual attire, slowly. Deliberately slow. If he’s already staring you better not waste your opportunity and make a show of it.

“No use in staying in bed all alone. His Highness makes for good company but he’s a dull conversationalist. Perhaps I’ll drop by Beau at the Archives?” You deliberate your events for the morning tapping your chin.

“If you do, tell the Expositor I have some more files for her to study.” Caleb, finally pulled out of his trance steps back over to you, or rather besides you to grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder. You know he’s about to be off so you wrap your arm around his waist as you guide him to the door. Not much you can change about the need for students to be taught the wonders of transmutation magic. While you may find times you’d want to spend more time together, in the end neither of you would ever want to give up teaching. There’s plenty of other times you can spend together happily. Or you can justify combining your classes for one reason or another as you love nothing more than to share your passions.

“I’ll see you in a few hours at the Academy?” Caleb watches as you fall silent for a moment, your focus drawn away.

“Yes, I’ll make sure he knows. We’ll be there. Thank you.” You speak but Caleb knows fully well it’s not directed at him. This has become a habit he’s very much gotten used to so he simply awaits for you to share the message.

“Astrid wants us for lunch. She threatened to limit your access to the library if you’re late.” Of course she does, Caleb thinks to himself. So the archmage may or may not have heard about his almost-arrest of the day before. He’d already gotten an earful from you.

“Of course she does. There go our lunch plans for our free period.”

“You’re the one to get arrested for- and I quote ‘encourage insurgence among young impressionable souls’.” You grin. Okay, you may have been a little proud of Caleb actively trying to do better but you could do without the accusations of treason. You’d rather not have Caleb spend the night in jail because word got out or he pissed off the wrong person. You’d expect this from Beauregard but had hoped Caleb would be more careful about it and so apparently thought Astrid. He’s in for a scolding according to her tone.

“Merely teaching young impressionable souls how to be better. Is that a crime?” You grab Caleb’s coat and help him into it as he offers you a ‘thank you’.

“According to the king, yes it is.” The amusement in your voice is enough to earn you a playful glare. You open the door for Caleb and he steps halfway out offering you one final kiss.

“Love you.” Caleb pecks your lips. You’ve drawn out the length of the kiss long enough and he’s already on the verge of running late now so no matter how much he may want to stay, he has to go.

“Love you too, Caleb. See you soon and for the love of the arcane arts; stay out of trouble.” You know he won’t make that promise as he can’t keep it but you still tell him to every time. You kiss his cheek stepping back and watching the wizard leave as you close the door. Nothing but a usual morning; sneaking out of bed, cats, kisses, a message from your friend the archmage, talks of treason and the love of two fate-entwined mages trying to make the world a better place.

[omniscientwreck]

Hi🖤 Omni! If you're looking for a fic request I've got one.

Okay so Essek is Feeblminded by remaining Volstrucker at his tower. Verin came to visit later that day and has been taling care of Essek, as they both would be scared of the Umavi's wrath should someone find out.

Well Caleb comes to visit a few day's later and Certainly gets a surprise.

Fluff ensues.

I'm talking the Unicorn from Despicable Me level Fluffy😁😁😁

Hi Umbra! Sorry I'm incredibly late answering this, life is weird but I hope the length makes up for it! I know I said drabble but like this just turned into a whole fic so I hope you enjoy!

Verin had worried when Essek’s door hadn’t opened of its own accord, usually he knows when he’s arrived. Deciding something was certainly wrong he barges his way into his brother’s tower. He finds it silent which is normal but unnerving and the unnatural stillness as he calls for Essek has his hackles up.

His knuckles pale as he grips the hilt of his sword and searches methodically throughout the tower. Finding the main floor empty he heads up the stairs to the library. There’s a shuffle, a falling book, a whimper. He draws his sword, adrenaline coursing through his veins. The door is ajar and he can hear shuffling. He thrusts it open is momentarily relieved to see his brother. His hair is tousled and white is stained with flecks of red, his robes are torn and his mantle is askew.

He’s never seen him like this before and his heart lurches. Surprise and fear are plastered across his features, far more freely than Verin’s ever seen him feel. He doesn’t talk and he seems to not even recognize him. Checking the rest of the room, the sword is returned to its sheath and Verin crouches, reaching a hand to Essek.

“Brother, what happened?” Silence, a whimper. “Essek? What’s wrong? It’s Verin, your brother.” His brows unknot, and the tension in his jaw slackens. There’s a looseness to his demeanor and as he stands he waves his hand as if to float, but nothing happens. He tries again and again. The first try was decisive, after watching him for so long Verin knows what it looks like when he casts it. The second time it’s not quite right, the third time it gets looser still. By the time Verin has stopped counting and Verin has grabbed Essek’s hands to calm him it seemed like Essek didn’t know what he was attempting to do.

“Is this some kind of spell? What happened?” His brother looks up with the face of a stranger. His eyes are open and sad, his ears fall just a touch and Essek leans in to hug Verin. He’s never wanted to do that before.

Verin hugs him back. “Oh Essie, what are we going to do?”

Caleb approaches Essek’s tower and is struck by immediate concern when the door doesn’t open for him. Essek always lets him in when he arrives, and with everything that’s happened he immediately panics. Caleb tries to tell himself Essek must be busy and has missed him tripping the wards. So, he lifts the knocker and gives the door a few raps.

He’d asked Caleb to meet him here to assist in the transport of his most important items after their trip to Aeor. He needs to run, he knows it and Caleb knows that turning himself in to the Dynasty would mean certain death so he’s agreed to help. No amount of good will from the Bright Queen would let them bargain for his favour. Selfishly, Caleb won’t allow him to get caught, so he will harbor Essek for some time, helping him stay out of the eyes of the Dynasty.

Eventually he knocks again, beginning to hold a firebolt just in case. “Uh, just a minute,” calls a stranger’s voice from behind the wood. “I’ll be right there.”

The door opens just a crack, “Who is it?”

“I am Caleb Widogast of the Mighty Nein, who is this?” His hand is up and encircled in flame.

“Oh thank the Light, one moment.” Whoever he is, he’s clearly relieved. Caleb’s firebolt stays held.

As the door opens Caleb is greeted by a tall drow, muscular with long braided back hair. He looks familiar but Caleb cannot place him. His features are slowly fading into relief from what must have been a deep concern. “Hello Caleb Widogast, I am Verin Thelyss and I am so glad you’re here. Your the wizard yes?”

Nodding, bewildered as he’s being dragged into Essek’s home by his brother, Caleb can hardly remember to respond, “Uh ja, that’s me. Where is Essek?”

“Well so I came by a few days ago and he didn’t let me into the tower which was weird. There have been some rumors going around and when our mother said he was back I had to ask. I don’t know if you know but… well it’s bad.”

He’s leading him upstairs as he explains and the back of Caleb’s neck is on fire. Verin doesn’t know, but there are rumors that are most likely true. Is he too late?

“So, I’m hoping since you also practice the arcane you might know what’s happened here and how to solve it.”

He leads Caleb into the library and Essek is seated on a chair idly flipping through a book far too quickly. It doesn’t even look like he’s reading, Caleb knows what he looks like when he’s reading. The quiet concentration and the tension it brings his jaw is completely missing. When Essek looks up at him there’s recognition but no words and when he rises to make his way to Caleb, he walks.

He’s wide-eyed and has a sweet smile across his face, it’s difficult to look away but if he doesn’t the heat rising in his cheeks will show. “Essek, what is it mein Freunde?”

No words. Why can’t he talk and why isn’t he floating?

“Essek?” A gentle hand reaches up to rest on his cheek and the heat takes over at the abrupt contact. Especially with Verin standing over his shoulder observing them. “Verin how long has he been like this?”

“About 2 days. I didn’t really know what had happened and if the Umavi found out well… I’m unsure what she would do.” Verin is a little more easier to map out than Essek had been initially and he’s been told enough stories about Dierta to understand the undercurrent of Verin’s words.

“Ja, I understand.” Verin starts at that and Caleb just continues past it, “I believe he has been affected by the spell Feeblemind. I - ah - have experience with this kind of thing. We have friends that can cure him but I will have to contact them, which I will not be able to do until tomorrow.”

Essek’s hand has wound its way into Caleb’s and he tries and fails miserably to contain the blush that he knows is spreading to his ears. Memories of little touches in Aeor flood back and Caleb pushes away thoughts of conversations he’d promised they’d have later, after Essek was safe. To call to attention this thing between them and get it out in the open before it drives him mad. Even if Essek’s feelings do not align with his it will be better to have it in the open.

“So this isn’t hurting him?”

Caleb turns to Essek, “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He remembers a blur of time, when his mind had failed him. He remembers terror, looking down at his hands and not knowing whose they were. He didn’t have an anchor, nothing but his own thoughts, with someone there it might be different. Essek can’t understand him but the tone of voice seems to elicit some positive emotions and Essek squeezes his hand, a contented smile across his face, “He seems alright to me. It is unpleasant to be cut off from your casting, but he isn’t in pain and he isn’t alone.” It’s difficult to mitigate the emotion bleeding into his voice.

He pushes down memories of the years he’d been locked away and squeezes Essek’s hand back, reassuringly. “Have you gotten him to eat?”

Verin nods, “Occasionally. Probably not as much as he needs. I’m not exactly an excellent cook and nobody can see him like this so I’ve sent his staff away.”

“Alright, well I’ll just do this then.” he begins casting the tower, “I understand if you want to stay but if you need to go I can care for him.” he wants Verin to leave, he wants him gone so badly, to just take care of Essek properly without the shadow of somebody who doesn’t know hanging over them.

“I should be back to Bazzoxan soon. They’ll begin asking after me.” Caleb finishes casting the tower and leads Essek in. Just before he enters, Verin stops him, “You mean something to each other. I’ve never seen him act this way before, granted there’s an arcane influence but genuinely he has never smiled like he did when he saw you. I trust you with this because I think he would. Do not betray that.”

Caleb nods, “Of course not. We’ve faced the most difficult challenges of my life together and with our friends. I will care for him.” Verin seems satisfied with that and makes to leave, and Caleb enters the tower to find Essek waiting in the centre of the tower. He has an idea of where he wants to go. As the tower door closes behind Verin, he and Essek begin to drift upwards. Essek opens his mouth as if to reflexively murmur ‘up’ as had become their custom in their long travels together and his brows knot in distress, as if he’s realized again that his voice will not come. Caleb reaches for his hand, to comfort him and says it for them both, to which Essek smiles.

The drow releases Caleb’s hand and begins to swirl around, never leaving the central column and Caleb is forced to mirror his motions lest they collide. He flashes back to a moment of levity when they’d first come to Aeor. They had showboated then, dancing around each other as their works often did. This Essek is less restrained and his eyes and nose crinkle into a genuine smile when Caleb joins his frivolity.

They stop at the ninth floor which Caleb had known to be Esseks’ destination and immediately Essek lays on the pillows he always places in the corner. Usually, on their research expedition, he tranced in his room but on particularly emotional days they both preferred an expanse of stars above them as they rested. It became tradition and over time they’d drifted closer and closer together, until they would sometimes come to consciousness to find that through the night Essek had curled into Caleb’s side or that their hands had wound together unknowingly.

Now, Essek’s eyes are wide and his mouth hangs open in wonder as though it’s his first time seeing it all over again. Caleb stands over him, following his gaze up to the idly shifting starscape above. Caleb is quickly distracted by the versions of them that traverse different paths. Sometimes in each other’s company, other times in solitude. In a few they hold hands or make contact at the shoulders. Those are the ones he likes the most.

When his gaze is pulled back downwards, Essek stares up at him with a tenderness that quickly turns to expectation. He’s arranged burgundy cushions across the floor beside him for Caleb and so he obliges. As he stretches out across the crude bed slender, cool fingers interlock his own and he lays back and tells Essek of the constellations he’s hidden among the stars.

When Caleb himself was in this state he remembered lacking familiarity. Nothing around him made sense and the upheaval of his life only moments prior had only amplified the disorientation of the magic that kept him prisoner for 11 years.

Essek has someone to watch over him, he’s in a place that evidently brings him much joy and in recent months he’s found himself halfway to peace. Caleb finds his heart swell at the idea of making this experience bearable.

The silence was always the worst so he points to guide the elf’s eyes as he tells them the stories behind each constellation. He tells him of Nila, gentle and fierce. Of Twiggy, ever optimistic and wholly delightful. He tells him about Reani who Essek has spent some time with. Brief recognition flashes across his face, though it’s quickly replaced with frustration. Caleb remembers. He remembers knowing that someone was there who he should recognize but not having the words to know he had forgotten their name. He was in terror and treated everyone as a threat. Essek treats everything with wonder and discovery. The innocence is sweet and a syrupy feeling pools in Caleb’s throat as he’s again confronted with the way his heart swells when Essek looks at Caleb with that same contented smile.

He scoots closer and this is entirely too much. The idea that this version of Essek may curl into his side willingly, while they were fully conscious where the other version cannot unsettles him. Instead he stands, offering his hand, “Why don’t we get you something to eat ja?” There’s a momentary droop of his ears, much more pronounced than any movement he’d seen before before he lifts Essek and they go down to the dining room.

If there is to be anything significant between them it cannot be spurred under these circumstances. Caleb has to know he means it. As they wait while he cats prepare what had become their usual fare while traversing Aeor, he defaults to telling stories. First he tells him of the tunnels they traversed to reach the Dynasty, crafting an illusion as well as he can of the crystalline caves they made camp in. Food arrives and he continues weaving story and image as Essek picks at the well spiced soup comprised mainly of squash and potato. As he crafts an illusion of the dragon turtle they’d fought just after the peace talks out of amber and morphs its shape to a smaller turtle and then a sea slug, laughing to himself at the absurdity, he notices the clink of Essek’s spoon has long subsided.

Glancing over electric eyes focus on him instead of the illusion, so he drops it. “Ah, Es tut mir Leid, I know I tend to get carried away.” A little contented noise bubbles from Essek’s throat and his heart squeezes. In a desperate attempt to try and get Essek to eat more he turns back to his own soup and looks expectantly over to his friend.

Giving him a look of exasperation, he mirrors Caleb and eats most of the soup. Caleb rips up bread and encourages him to dip it in what’s left of the soup and finally, the bowl is empty. They leave the cats to clean up and Essek’s hand grasps Caleb’s again and squeezes. He knows he shouldn’t draw conclusions or let himself be taken by these gestures that the man wouldn’t make if he’d had the presence of mind, but it’s turning into a losing game.

With the time spent on the ninth floor and the prolonged battle of coaxing Essek to eat they only have a few hours until sleep. Essek takes his customary seat on the couch in the study and Caleb withdraws some of the lighter fiction that now populates the shelves. Lying back on the sofa, feet resting on the armrest, head by Essek he holds up the copy of Der Katzenprinz to show the illustrations. “You seem to like hearing me talk so why don’t I share this with you? Either way you won’t understand what I say so I will read it to you as it was originally intended.”

He begins, in Zemnian to tell him the fairy story that had brought him so much joy as a child, and the cats bring them hot chocolate as instructed. Warm mug in hand, Essek sits patiently through the story and as it turns to a close, picks up another of the books Caleb has gathered and thrusts it upon his chest. A real laugh bubbles up at that and he obliges.

As the night winds on and the mugs are emptied, Essek’s hand winds its way through Caleb’s hair, gently combing. When he looks up at Essek he’s met with soft, drooping eyes and a plain smile laced with nothing but care. He tries to stop Essek over the course of the book but finds that the drow always goes back to his hair so eventually, he leaves it. When Essek’s breaths even and elongate and he’s having trouble keeping his eyes open, Caleb sends him to trance.

He’s met with a slightly mournful look as Essek settles into the cushions he’s provided for trancing, but Caleb squeezes his shoulder, “If something goes wrong the cats will know to come get me. This is for the best.” Looking not at all reassured, but staying in place, Essek lets him leave without protest.

In the middle of sleep, dreamless and warm, there’s pressure. Then a caterwaul cuts through his subconscious followed by several more. He awakes with a start and immediately the cats gather around his feet as he pulls on slippers. They lead him to Essek’s room, where through the closed doors he can hear the sounds of furniture being disturbed.

Barging in, heart pounding, he finds Essek with tears streaming down his face. “Essek Schatz what’s wrong?” He kneels, abandoning any sense of propriety or boundaries and as he collapses into Caleb’s arms with nearly silent sobs he’s struck by how small the other man is.

“It’s alright Essek, whatever it was it cannot hurt you. I will keep you safe as you have done me.” They’ve never talked about the nights when the cats would do the same to Essek as they’d done to Caleb. When he’d been awoken from nightmares with angry red scratches down his forearms and a friend to bandage them. They’ve never quite discussed the comfort in Essek trancing just beside Caleb’s bed on difficult nights and he’s tried to stifle contemplation about the safety the man brings to his subconscious. The timing wasn’t right and despite his own longing he couldn’t make that step towards Essek. Not then.

Now, however, the elf shudders in his arms and he brings him into his lap, lighting soft amber globules of light to examine Essek. When he finds no physical harm he puts them out again and draws him in tighter as Essek clutches at the sides of his nightshirt and curls into his chest. He sings gentle lullabies his mother had once used to soothe him, voice cracking slightly as he flexes it in a long forgotten way. Eventually the shaking stops and breath becomes more solid, but hands stay grasped into his shirt so, with assistance from the cats, he maneuvers them into an easier sleeping position. Ever determined, Essek stays in his arms the whole time and when he tries to encourage him to trance beside him, arms wind around his waist.

“Okay, okay. If this will help.” Caleb resigns himself to creaky joints the next morning and sleeps with Essek in his arms, pushing away any indulgent thoughts of future nights spent with him in the same orientation.

When he awakes Essek is gone from his lap, though their fingers are laced and his head rests atop the drow’s on his shoulder. “Guten Morgen Essek.” He startles and smiles over at Caleb. Open, honest, vulnerable. They need to fix this. “I just need to prepare and then we will see Jester ja?” He receives a blank stare in return and nods to himself. “I will be back in a few moments and then we will go to Nicodranas. Just wait here.” He leaves and dresses quickly, returning to find Essek essentially where he’d been left. He takes a moment to glance over his spellbook and concentrates as he casts Sending, “Hallo Jester, I need your assistance with a pretty big restoration. Can you help today?”

She sounds half-asleep as she responds, “Caleb? Oh hi! Yeah I can help, just come to mama’s, we’re in Nicodranas. Oh my gosh I have to tell you, the dragon turtle-” her word economy same as ever.

“Okay Essek, Jester can help. I don’t know where you kept your parasol but I’m sure she can make you another.” With that they head out the door and Caleb transports them safely to the Lavish Chateau. Essek’s hand never leaves his.

Upon arrival they’re beset by a shouted greeting and Jester crushes Caleb in a hug before even realizing the other man is there. “Ohmigod Essek hi! I missed you!” Instead of awkwardly patting her back as he usually does, he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her in. “Hey Caleb, what’s going on with Essek?”

She pulls back and sees his broad smile and dancing eyes and looks at Caleb distinctly concerned. “Ah- I’m afraid he is a victim of the Feeblemind spell. It’s what they used against me in… well.” Her face clouds with understanding. “He’s okay physically though, whoever attacked him clearly just needed him out of the way. If you can use Greater Restoration that will undo the effects. He’s been ah - rather clingy.”

She waggles her eyebrows at him, making suggestive noise, and gets out the required diamond dust, sprinkling it delicately over Essek who watches in wonder. She puts both hands on her shoulders and green radiant energy emanates from her and passes to him. Before long he’s shaking his head and stepping back, voice hoarse from disuse, “Where- Jester? Thank you oh my gods thank you.”

She grins back at him, “I’m glad you’re back Essek! It’s a good thing Caleb brought you here you were acting so weird-”

She’s cut off as he chokes out, “Caleb.” and looks over with a deep violet flush and wide, apologetic eyes. “I ah- I am sorry for putting you through that. I-”

“Nein, do not apologize. Maybe we should get back to your tower to try and piece together who did this to you and what they were after ja?’

Essek nods and casts his levitation cantrip, shoulders sagging with relief when it works. “Yes, of course. Thank you Jester, I’m sorry we can’t stay but-”

She hugs the both of them again, “It’s okay, you have lots to talk about probably I don’t know bye!” she gives Caleb a wink as he begins casting the spell again and to his surprise Essek’s hand winds itself in his as they vanish.

They’re back in the tower and Caleb looks down, Essek’s hand still in his. Essek drops it and there’s a flush set deep into his cheeks and it spreads to his cheeks as their eyes meet. “Caleb I-” he swallows “I remember most of what happened, though not very clearly. I um-” his eyes are downcast and Caleb braces for what he believes to be coming, “Thank you for your patience. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable it is very difficult to explain but I think you’re aware of the feeling. I didn’t exactly have my full faculties and I fear I broke boundaries that may have encroached too far on your hospitality and our friendship.”

It’s difficult to see him so apologetic for the affection displayed. This thing between them has gone unspoken quite too long and before he realizes it he’s speaking, “Don’t apologize for that Schatz, I ah- I didn’t mind. There’s something I think we ought to discuss fairly plainly because I do not want to mince words about the way I feel anymore, it’s tiring.”

Essek looks up to meet him, steeling himself and as Caleb is about to speak he cuts him off, “I am aware enough of how I acted to realize I cannot properly hide my feelings further.” He takes a deep breath, the back of Caleb’s neck is burning and time has all but frozen, “I care deeply for you Caleb. It is difficult to bring myself to those words for I know this is the last thing I deserve but here I am, a fool for you. I know that there were moments in Aeor, I hold them close to my heart as precious things in a life of solitude. If you do not do the same, if you do not feel the same I will remain your friend if you’ll allow it, your research partner, anything. But-” he looks down almost sheepishly, “I owe it to you to be forthright and so I will tell you that if you’ll have me, I would very much like to see where this takes us.”

A smile breaks across Caleb’s face as their eyes meet, “May I kiss you?”

Essek draws in a sharp breath, eyes wide, and nods. It takes Caleb only a moment to close the gap, hands sliding around Essek’s waist and over the back of his neck as he leads them together. Essek’s hands hold his shoulders and his eyes flutter closed as their lips meet, electricity and heat mixing. When they finally pull back they’re both flushed. Essek lets out a huff of a laugh and Caleb wraps him tightly as he brings him in again, smiling into another kiss.