#i'm capable and smart
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Anyone have advice for dealing with job application burnout?
#i'm capable and smart#i really don't know what to do sometimes#but become a batman villain#bc this is so insanity-inducing
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Sarevok's image in Baldur's Gate and how he uses it
Among the numerous misrepresentations of Sarevok's character in BG3, is how he came into power. Of course, properly showing that would also show that the new villain's great master plan is just a rip-off of his, but let's ignore that. Obviously, Sarevok's stunt in Baldur's Gate becomes infamous, and he, rightfully, doesn't have a good rep in the city. That being said, it wasn't always the case, yet all you'll see in BG 3 is a brutish villain that only knows violence and 'mURdEr'. Yes, spelled like that, yes.
More rambling under the cut.
The thing was that, prior to Charname exposing his plan, Sarevok had become truly popular in Baldur's Gate. Let's remember the set-up back then. The Iron Throne is a shady mercantile organisation from Sembia. A new western division is trying to take root in the Sword Coast, led by Rieltar Anchev.
Their plan goes as follow: they aim to create a misinformation campaign to blame the Zhentarim for all the troubles in the region. They worsen tensions between the governments of Baldur's Gate and Amn. With iron being the most important resource in a war, the Baldurian government has to go to them in order to get any. The Iron Throne has disrupted all the iron trade through the region using the Blacktalon mercenaries and the Chill. The only known iron mine in the region is at Nashkel, and the Iron Throne has effectively crippled it. They have their own mine operating in Cloakwood. When the Baldurian government comes to them for iron, they will be able to make exorbitant trading demands, and thus become the preeminent trading power in this region.
(Yes, this is copy-pasted from the dialogue you can get from the charmed Iron Throne leaders, what can I say, it's a good recap)
So, that's Rieltar's plan to settle the Iron Throne in the region, a plan Sarevok will hijack in several ways. He intends to kill Rieltar and the other two leaders, and while the Iron Throne didn't intend to actually start a war, only increase tensions, Sarevok thinks that a massacre on a godlike scale can ascend him to godhood. That plan of Sarevok also requires him being named Grand Duke, and thus becoming sole leader of Baldur's Gate once he's eliminated the others (yes, the more you know, the more it sounds like someone in BG3's act 3 copy-pasted this plan for his own takeover, hush). This part of his plan required Sarevok to build a positive public image in Baldur's Gate, so the nobles would want him to be grand duke (despite being a newcomer from a Sembian trade group). That wasn't an easy task. The Iron Throne has a bad reputation even before Rieltar's iron plot. It's a known fact they're more a criminal organization than a trading organisation, so people are less likely to deal with them, unless, as Rieltar's planned, they don't have a choice anymore. However, Sarevok doesn't wait for his father's plan to be completed before he starts building relations with the ruling class of the city.
When you first get to Baldur's Gate, various npc inform you of the, mostly, positive image Sarevok has built for himself. That's something even Gorion's ward points out in their own journal entries.
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1: "Nobleman: Those Iron Throne fellows are quite the secretive bunch. Sarevok, the foster son of their leader, is quite the charmer, though."
2: "Journal entry by Charname: Sarevok, son of one of the Iron Throne's leaders, has become increasingly popular in Baldur's Gate."
3: "Noblewoman: From what I've heard, the new man with the Iron Throne, Sarevok, is an unmarried man. I plan to change that."
Love the last one.
So, Sarevok is very popular in the city, even though there are some who disagree, they're not the majority. Most people who aren't as fond of Sarevok are among the commoners, and I would argue that's because they weren't the target audience of his PR campaign. Sarevok needs the nobles' vote to be Grand Duke, so they are the ones he wants on his side. The popular vote is only a bonus.
It's also important to notice he's improving his popularity, not the popularity of the Iron Throne.
He still has popularity among the lower class, and that only increases when you near the game's end.
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4: "Commoner: I think it's about time we took the fight to them [Amn], and Sarevok is the man to lead us."
5: "Commoner: I don't know what them nobles see in that Sarevok fella, but he's something darker, that's for certain."
6: "Commoner: That Sarevok is going to make everything all right again."
7: "Nobleman: An election of sorts has been called because we cannot be without a full governement in these dangerous times. I hear Sarevok is a frontrunner in this matter."
8: "Noblewoman: Entar Silvershield's death was a tragic blow, but with Sarevok stepping in I feel a true sense of hope."
9: "Journal entry by Charname: With the murder of Grand Duke Entar Silvershield, Sarevok is poised to gain control. The people love him."
10: "Noblewoman: Such people would not dare to show their faces in Baldur's Gate, not now that Sarevok and Angelo Dosan control the Flaming Fist. Order will be enforced, more so once Sarevok is appointed as a Grand Duke. I shall have little to fear of the streets once that comes to pass."
11: "Journal entry by Charname: The nobility is especially approving of Sarevok and Angelo Dosan being in control of the Flaming Fist."
12: "Nobleman: He's [Sarevok] making a lot of friends, and I bet he will be nominated to replace poor entar as Grand Duke."
13: "Noblewomen: It is a good time to be of the nobility. Sarevok has ensured us all that order will be restored in this region, whatever the cost."
14: "Journal entry by Charname: The nobility are especially welcoming of Sarevok and his hard stance against Amn."
15: "Nobleman: Sarevok seems like a man who gets things done."
16: "Sir Lothtyran: Personally, I think he'll [Sarevok] do wonderfully."
17: "Brennan Risling: That's why we need Sarevok as Grand Duke, for he'd take the resources from the Iron Throne and' assist us."
18: "Journal entry by Charname: It is good to know that not everyone in this city has fallen in love with the hardliner Sarevok."
Sarevok doesn't have everyone's approval, but he has more than enough to take over the city. Obviously, the mood changes once his plot to drag both governments into war is revealed.
But you know what? Even then, he still has some popularity.
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19: "Commoner: He was such a handsome one, such a shame he had ta go and do that."
random commoner woman: if evil, why hot?
In conclusion: Sarevok almost took over Baldur's Gate and the whole Sword Coast with covert force and was almost lawfully elected Grand Duke of Baldur's Gate thanks to the popularity he cultivated within the city. That was possible thanks to two things. One, it's safe to say that Sarevok can be charismatic and charming when he wishes to be, even though, according to Diarmid, another one of the mercenaries working for him, "[...] subtlety is something that doesn't quite comes naturally to him. He doesn't have the patience for it, though his mind is amazingly tactical".
In his BG2 banter, you also learn he's not overly fond of being around people. That means this entire schmooze fest he did to boost his popularity took serious effort on his part, and it paid off. It was a trial of patience for a man who isn't known to be patient, or at least, not patient for niceties. He can prove very patient for the sake of a plan. We're talking about a character who has had to wait years before he got the opportunity to take revenge on his father for his mother's murder, and a way to get away with it. Sarevok may not enjoy being patient, but is definitely familiar with the practice.
The second reason is that, well, he's hot. I'm not the one saying it, the women (and men, you know there had to be men too) thirsting over him are saying it. They're bound to be disappointed, because while he's not married, he's definitely not single. Anyway, being hot, not something to underestimate. He gets pretty privilege.
To be a bit more serious, while impatient, Sarevok is described as having an "amazingly tactical" mind. This is something you clearly see in his takeover of Rieltar's plan, and manipulation of public opinion. Yes, Sarevok's plan involves various murders, but it's a tool, not an end in itself. He's even careful to have specific murders look like 'robbery gone wrong' or 'mysterious disease strikes'. He has assassins do the killing for him so he can't be directly linked to it. Sarevok is a strategist, whose plans involve a lot more than just 'killing'.
It is a part of his characterization BG 3 abysmally fails to show.
#bg 1#baldur's gate 1#bg 3 critical#baldur's gate 3 critical#sarevok anchev#observations on sarevok series#we could've had hd sarevok and we were ROBBED#yes my charname spends her time doing vox pop in the streets of baldur's gate#sarevok isn't a dumb brute he's smart he's a strategist#and he's capable of doing things he dislikes for the sake of an end goal which takes discipline#YES g0rt4sh copied sarevok's entire plan#and i don't spell his name right so it doesn't show in his tag you're welcome#i'm not saying bg3 should've made sarevok do another pr campaign#but they just show him as a murder boogeyman#i don't know that anyone will read this but i wanted to do it#yes that's a lot of screenshots i know you don't wanna see my folders#it's folders within folders it's an inception of folders#anyway i have my tools back i'll be making more of those
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u know what though... i don't think this facepalming is for the witnesses in the room, but i also don't think it's an "oh no, thor's so stupid" facepalm, i think it's a "why the fuck did i do that?" one. i don't think loki especially wants to invade jotunheim, he just thought it'd be a laugh to get thor to do it, but then oh shit thor is actually going to do that so now he needs to sabotage it somehow (telling the guard) but also:
"shit, i've fucked this up, haven't i?" it seemed like such a good idea two minutes ago. couldn't help himself. wouldn't it be funny if? but now they have to go to fucking jotunheim and he could so easily have just not done that. oops! facepalm time!
#thor (2011)#whoever called this movie the story of an accidental coup is right.#but it's not that loki's entirely innocent it's just that he hasn't planned ahead. each initial fucked up thing was unconnected#and he just took advantage in the moment to do what he thought would stir the most shit.#let frost giants in because that would be a laugh. now you can get thor to make a stupid decision! do that too!#now dad's in a coma and you can just tell bro he can't ever come home because he killed dad and mum hates him! LOL!#now you're regent and you could be normal about it... OR you could deliberately provoke people you don't like#which makes them stage a counter-accidental-coup oops!#each step is unplanned and *could not* have been planned ahead of time he's just fucking with people repeatedly for shits and giggles#because loki appears to assume odin will wake up and there's no way thor will be stuck on earth forever once that happens#so it can't be something he thinks is going to stick. he's not *actually* able to exile thor forever on his own authority.#but IN THE MOMENT it was funny to fuck with him :)#and to just straight up fucking lie to him :)#and to pretend he's lost the throne to you :)#because loki does not consider the consequences of his actions even though on the evidence of this film it doesn't work out well for him.#therefore this is the facepalm of 'why did i do this to myself?'#fandom thinks loki's a good king due to Being Smart which a) nice obvious classism you have there but also b) he's also dumb as rocks.#he is capable of smart but he can and will fuck things up anyway because he is less capable of being sensible.#so while thor is indeed impulsive i think loki was equally impulsive in his own desire to use thor's impulsiveness against him.#because it'd be funny! right up until the moment it turns out thor really is going to do the thing you just convinced him to do D:#oops lol what am i like!#there'd be an instagram selfie oh him doing a thumbs up gesture captioned 'just told thor he can't come home LOL!'#'me on the throne ha ha bet none of you saw that coming! ps dad is in a coma pls send your thoughts and prayers 🙏 mum is sad :('#'turn your tv on guys i'm invading migard lmao'#'that's me on the news!!!! thor's here too wasn't expecting that might stab him when we meet up lol i love him he's my fave avenger💚'#anyway that's why loki is my problematic fave in this movie
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my sick and twisted fantasy: forcibly being taken care of. you see me working much later than i should be, so you take my wrists and push me to the ground and sit on top of me. you rub my shoulders and as the exhaustion creeps into view i start to resist, waffling about how much i appreciate the thought, and you don't have to do this, and that i really am busy. you push my face into the hard wood floor with one hand on the back of my head and explain calmly but sternly that i am not getting up until i fucking relax. then, once i've stopped fussing, you pet my hair and work the knots out of my back until i'm so zombified that you don't even need to hold me down anymore. i'm just your sleepy plaything.
#op#text#the frustration of you interrupting a billion projects to make me sit on the floor and feel my feelings. augh. the audacity.#bonus if when i'm cozy you tie me up and set me on the couch to watch some documentary while you make dinner for us#oh to be someone's pet technician#smart and capable but also owned and cared for
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I GOT AN INTERNSHIP AT A MUSEUM BTW!!!! it's gonna be really cool but i also already have a little bit of imposter syndrome but it'll be FINE!!!!
#i've been thinking a lot about wanting to work in a museum after graduating#i still feel like i'm not qualified for a Real JobTM but I WILL LEARN#i need to remember that i'm smart and capable and not as socially awkward as i used to be#it'll be fine!!!!!#uni blogging#my post
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#long one#ryuuji suguro#blue exorcist#ao no exorcist#ryuji suguro#suguro ryuuji#suguro ryuji#bon suguro#cram school#manga ryuuji#lewin light#lewin lightning light#we've been watching lewin slowly become more invested in this fight and this moment#but not to study the demon or even see what ryuuji knows#it's ryuuji himself lewin is now studying and now seeing as a puzzle#a prodigy who is top of his class and the heir to an important sect of buddhist monks#a boy who helped fight multiple demons on important missions and just refused to give up a sword despite having all the reasons to#someone who is clearly incredibly smart and capable but also aware of their surroundings#and who hasn't thought of the more obvious answers here and hasn't stopped trying#and for lewin there are a lot of different meanings to smart#and right now he has just become entirely curious about the puzzle that is ryuuji#and ryuuji does something that will firmly cement the choice he's actively making in these panels#because lewin doesn't want another smart person around#not when he's chasing a lot of really smart and really fucked up people#no he wants something different#and the “I'm sorry” cements it for lewin#he stuck to his beliefs#was clever enough to figure out the right verses and versatile enough to go for the guns when that failed#and is humble and teachable and that's an important thing#someone who can apologize and not go against their beliefs and decency just because it would benefit them to do so is exactly what he needs
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Blog and blogger
Tagged by @galadrieljones on this interesting picrew
Wearing down my oversized sweaters attending dozens of protests and gatherings, brows uneven and hair unbrushed ? VERY accurate (*shade of brown may vary)
Tagging @lathbora-virann @gefionne @bucketsofmonsters @mickeysalamander @luna-teacup @midnight-enansal without any knowledge of who might have already done it !!
#blog and blogger#picrew#tag game#little bit successful at getting myself into more grass and less internet...#it was draining my entire brain out....#I'm so EXHAUSTED...... I'm in... exhaustion fog... staring at a wall...#i hope i can give a bit of support to many organisations#to the humble extent of my capabilities#moving on :#a few days ago I read dengue boy (fr: l'enfance du monde) it's sci-fi two centuries in the future from argentina published in 2024#a disabled kid from the slums takes revenge for all the injustices and destructions from continued imperialism#climate hell and much more#there's so much in there even predatory game monetization#protag is a mosquito#shareholders speculating on death counts#it gets esoteric and even warps time and reality#but somehow it's never confusing#it was An Experience#beware for gore#beware for one disturbing sex scene (i wasn't able to understand what it was aiming for but it was probably smart too)(dont ask me)
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The agony of having a story idea but you don't know who you want to write it for because on the inside the fictional men you like are all the same. How do you choose.
#smart capable men who are secretly messes on the inside#that's my type#baxter ward and simon riley actually do have a lot of similarities and in this essay i will#it's the pitt too i'm going through it
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Yeah, you wouldn't, Bowman.
#you and FEELINGS#swan rewatches camp cretaceous#darius bowman#“This smart and capable and beautiful girl who always has my back and whose back I always have sure is great”#“I'd really hate to upset her oh hey sure she can come stay at my place what do you mean your boyfriend dumped you”#“I'm really angry about this and really upset for her she's the best person ever what a wonderful friend to have”#Bowmwn
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// personal
how strange it is to observe yourself changing
#not snz#delete later#another suddencolds yap post 😭 i apologize#i have been trying to draft a post like this for awhile now... i suppose this is a subset of the many thoughts i've had lately#this year has been so strange??! i joked in january about taking a leave to metamorphose into someone more tolerable but#honestly i am not sure if i am more tolerable now... though i do feel like i've changed. :')#for the better? for the worse? unsure... i feel like i am finding out more and more that#my social battery is unfortunately finite 😭 and that i must be more selective in how i choose to spend my time 🙇♀️#i think all throughout uni the majority of my substantial social interactions happened#over text/online? irl i made a lot of acquaintances via classes and student organizations... but the number of#close friends i had and actively met up with irl was pretty low 😭 and that embarrassed me!! like#how can one 🫵🏼 be surrounded by so many smart people her age and come away with so few in-person friends?? ☹️ skill issue truly!!! 🙄👎#even now i sometimes feel like the need to defend myself from that uncharitable perception of me? as though the idea that#there is/was something wrong with me is something i need to actively disprove 🥲#taken objectively i feel like i'm doing okay socially 😭 i have a decent handful of irl friends that#i meet with pretty regularly and people do seek out my company... but there's this feeling at the back of my mind that#no one will believe me when i say it. perhaps because i am so deeply used to seeing myself as undesirable :')#(^ i think this was all more painful than i am getting across in writing and i am summarizing it all from a point of relative detachment 😶)#but anyways! i am older now and it feels like things are shifting... or that i'm being forced to acknowledge that i have limits socially#in terms of energy rather than capability. which is new :') and i've also been thinking about the feeling of closeness (or lack thereof)#that i feel when it comes to the various friendships in my life. i think i am really fully vulnerable like#kind of seldom actually... but on the rare occasion that i feel sufficiently attached i worry i come across as a little intense 😭#(if i have embarrassed myself in front of you i am very sorry 😭😭 i'm still figuring things out)#(not sure if anyone is still reading this but) these tags are getting long enough 🏃♀️
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I don't like fics that make Marinette (not Ladybug) too level headed and jaded. That girl is silly goofy to the max and she shouldn't be watered down. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
#miraculous ladybug#from my experience most fics where Marinette is an adult miss the mark for this exact reason#is she smart and sharp and capable of being serious#yes of course#but if you take away her silly that's not Marinette imo#not telling anyone what they should write esp since I'm not a voracious fic reader#but yeah#ml fanfic#mlb#marinette dupain cheng
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sometimes pecco pops his pussy so hard that i’m like wow you really are 3 time world champion! other times he decides to go play in the gravel when leading and i remember that he scored 0 points in his moto3 rookie season
when the commentary during the sprint was like 'you know, he could have been on five consecutive race wins now if he hadn't crashed out of the catalunya sprint on the last lap', I had to laugh because that's the pecco bagnaia experience right there isn't it. even when he's winning four races in a row, a part of your brain is still remembering the disaster that directly preceded it. when he got that track limit warning, I was convinced he was gonna mess it up. not because it's something he usually messes up, because it isn't - just because you're always waiting for something to go wrong and that seemed as good an opening as any. but no, apparently he's just in the bit of the season where he wins stuff. for whatever reason. or maybe he'll crash on sunday. who knows
#ask made me laugh cheers anon#the moto3 campaign is just such a perfect detail. when uccio was like wow this child should smile more#real character establishment moment. the saddest little ferret in the whole wide world#pecco does slightly break my brain because *nothing* about him suggests he should be capable of these kinds of runs of form#like I get how he wins titles. I don't get how he wins this many races in a row. where does this pace come from where does it go#I'm always like 'well y'know he's a smart rider... he WORKS his way to success' okay maybe or maybe he's just obscenely fast...?#at least catalunya mugello assen I kinda get why you'd be fast in all of those places. I mean *gestures* look at his mentor#his 2022 run...? buddy what is wrong with you#I quickly pulled up the 2022 season again and just looking at the results table gives me a migraine#//#brr brr#batsplat responds#yes he's not the first inconsistent rider who sometimes catches fire but you do not win CHAMPIONSHIPS like this my fucking god#decades worth of people blathering on about titles being won on your worst days. well CLEARLY not#//currt
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Something I've noticed with Rayman is that he's one of those heroes that is often getting captured somehow and some of those times he NEEDS the help of his friends to free himself. He's a hero that tries his best to help others but is not immune to either needing help himself, or that help never comes and he has to work hard to try to free himself.
Times Rayman has been captured in order (at least to my knowledge):
1. Rayman 2. When the pirates destroyed the heart of the world, it robbed Rayman of all his powers which left him an easy target for them to capture him. Globox got himself captured so he could smuggle a silver lum from Ly to him. He was able to escape with his help.
2. Rayman vs Cullcut. This was a flash game you could play on your internet browser that released around the same time as Rayman M. It was a french exclusive typing game where Rayman was at risk of being eaten by one of the robots the pirates used to make canned food. The game ends and your score counted if Rayman's cage is lowered enough for cullcut to get him. He would also have to watch Razorwife usher crying baby globoxes to also be consumed by Cullcut. Pretty dark if you ask me.
3. Rayman 3. On Rayman's quest to purge Andre from Globox's stomach, his adventures take him to the desert of the knaarens. While trying to locate Globox after he was captured by the creatures, Rayman was soon captured by them as well. He was caged then sent to the arena where he was forced to fight Reflux. Rayman was released and was made a friend to the knaaren people when he defeated their champion.
4. Rayman Raving Rabbids (Original Console Version). Rayman was captured by Serguei and was locked in a cell. He was forced to perform at their arena and was rewarded with plungers and sometimes won the freedom of the captured baby globoxes. He had to collect enough plungers to reach a window in his cell and managed to escape with enough time, effort, and a whole lot of patience.
5. Rayman Raving Rabbids (Gameboy Advance Version). The Gameboy advance version was a completely unique experience to the raving rabbids series of games with a completely different storyline that was the most faithful to the old prototype. Rayman was captured by the rabbids, locked in a cell, and they took his hands so he couldn't fight back. He was completely helpless. Murfy was the one who went in and rescued him by busting through wooden planks on the bottom of Rayman's cell. He helped Rayman locate his hands and guided him out of the base to reunite with Ly after rescuing their friends.
6. Rayman Raving Rabbids (DS version). Once again captured by rabbids while he was just minding his own business. forced to run obstacle courses in a colosseum to win enough trophies that would allow him to fight "Rabble Droid" and earn his freedom. Rabble droid being a boss version of Serguei.
7. Rayman Origins. While enjoying a nice nap with his friends, little did Rayman know that their snores were being sent through a microphone to the land of the livid dead. The Grannies, fed up with all the noise, would retaliate and start to capture the electoons, Rayman, and his friends. This would also drive Polokus temporarily mad and the glade began to disintegrate. Rayman was caged, but managed to free himself rather quickly.
#Rayman#Rayman Lore#Apparently Ubisoft had delved into internet browser flash games at one point in the past#and a few of them were rather dark#Rayman vs Cullcut being one of those#The GBA version of Raving Rabbids revealed that certain Rabbids are capable of speech that Rayman can comprehend#But I guess they didn't want to recognize it's existence#I'm looking at you Mario Rabbids Sparks of hope Rayman and the Phantom Show DLC#GBA Raving Rabbids also proved that some of the Rabbids were pretty smart.
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Every once in a while there will be a blogger I'm not following, but whose posts I know and whose blog I visit from time to time. They can either be a generally popular user, a fandom-popular user, a mutual-in-law, or simply someone whose posts I've seen reblogged by other blogs I visit. You know how it is on tumblr dot com.
Anyway, impressing me -- and at the same time making me take you for a Cool Person Who Knows Things, And Whose Opinions Are Important And I Should Defer To Them -- is only a little bit harder than biting into an overcooked noodle, or accidentally stepping on an ant. So, I'll often admire these people from afar and feel sad and inadequate if we disagree on something, or of they criticize something I think is fine (especially if they do it without giving a reason, like 'well, it goes without saying that X simply sucks').
However -- sudden salvation -- every once in a while this blogger will have an opinion that's so nonsensical, or they'll behave in a way that's so unnecessary hostile to someone who doesn't really deserve it, that it's honestly both sad and surprisingly relieving to me because ohhhh okay you're just a fucking asshole. You're not a special, sophisticated mini-god, you're just an asshole who's mean for no reason. Phew! Aaaaand block.
#shrimp thoughts#this too is an Incorrect way of thinking. I should not do that. I should work on maybe not putting people on pedestals while burying myself#deeper underground. Other people being smart don't mean you're dumb and pathetic or something! Well I'll have to work on believing this#(as well as 'it's okay for you to exist and be as you are' though this one is more difficult) but like. yeag#this is funny because I do dislike this genre of a person who's acting all cooler than ya and edgy asshole. yknow this 'yes i do believe#men/white people/straights should all die/kill themselves <3' person. I really fucking dislike them AND YET I can't help but feel that#Smart and Capable People are allowed to be judgmental assholes to a degree. like well this opinion was phrased meanly and it made me feel#bad but it's not that they're an asshole! I'm simply just stupid for thinking otherwise. it's REALLY difficult to get rid of this mindset#not that I ever tried it in any way but you know what I mean
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Men who view women as their intellectual equals 😍
#pro tip for the boys: a lot of girls will respond a lot better to a stimulating conversation than to a guy trying to show off#ignore the movies they're lying to you when they tell you you need to be a show off#and if a girl wants that it's maybe not the best sign y'know?#but most girls just want to be treated like we're capable intelligent humans#that's all!! the movies and shit make it way more complicated than it has to be#and yes some girls do make things awkward and complicate everything#but maybe you wanna be careful about that because those girls generally have a lot to unpack#being friends with those girls is fine!! just make sure you have strong boundaries in place#and make sure she's doing some work on herself before considering a romantic relationship#but anyway i've had a lot of men in my life that i feel like wanted to be so much smarter than me#and not to be rude but they weren't?? i was just as smart and sometimes smarter#i didn't care that they were confident in their intelligence but i felt like i needed to dumb myself down#and it. freaking. sucked. i have no idea how i did it for so long#and i would even make jokes about like the guys i dated being smarter than me and nobody ever said anything??#and again these guys weren't smarter than me. that's not an insult to them just acknowledging i'm smarter than i was gave myself credit for#i'm outgrowing the notion that i have to dumb myself down for men and it's so freeing#and you know what really helps me actually? being in college#and especially being in college with so many intelligent men who know they're smart#these guys KNOW they're smart. and not in an arrogant way in a secure and confident way#them knowing they're smart makes them the OPPOSITE of arrogant actually#it's weird but i stand by my observation and it makes sense when you think about it#if you're secure in yourself and your intelligence you don't need to proce yourself by making other people look dumb#these guys are secure in their self-image and masculinity. they don't need women to be dumb and weak to feel strong and intelligent.#and it's so freaking endearing. i love that for these guys so much.#i am just so thankful for people in my life who are taking me seriously and who are helping me to understand i'm worth taking seriously.#wow these tags are long but anyway#guys you don't have to prove anything girls you should never have to dumb yourselves down live long and prosper
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Ooof
Looking at old posts, sometimes you just ask yourself what was I thinking 😅
#only then you realize maybe i did change a bit#i'm feeling embarassed about some of the things i said#maybe i really was an insufferable person at times 😅#but maybe that retrospective opinion is also normal#i really really should have worded some things better#altough i still stand with some of my opinions but i definetly would argue in a different way#like god was i overdramatic i know i might still be sometimes today but not as much#i feel like now i'm much more logical and level headed in comparisson also in how i try to get my point accross#and i got so worked up over things i got no control over like yeah sure some things may be very unfair but you have to move on#like i still feel my rants about gregor's treatment from ösv and it makes me very upset when i think about how it ended#but at the end of the day there's no way you could influence such decisions in any way altough ranting helps yes#but like now in football if i get worked up over some coaches decisions which harm my team in my opinion ... yeah frustrating but ...#i can't change it#or some athlete who is hard done by their club or whatever no matter how unfair it might be i can do nothing#can only hope they make the best of their situation but ultimately no things i have no controll over are sth i should think abt all day#doesn't mean i never get upset ... i still do sometimes very much but i'm much better at distancing myself from these things after some time#tbf it does help gregor my alltime favourite isn't involved anymore but i still believe i would act differently#like yeah some things sucked but he was a more than capable and great athlete and smart person who had to deal with all that stuff -#and i could do nothing about all the things i felt were unfair#also not just related to these things i remember in school i blamed my teachers sooo much for bad grades#i had some really bad teachers one who i am sure disliked me but i underestimated the hand i played in this#like sure she was all that but i completely put all blame on her and convinced myself there was nothing i could have done better#when now i know SURELY i could have studied more bc i really didn't know what studying a lot even meant in school#i was so lazy and also instead of trying to make an effort to get on my teachers good side like hers i just thought it's pointless anyway#... thinking to myself she won't ever like me no matter what i do ... not that i'm the person now to kiss up to others but just be polite#and put in your best effort it does wonders ... like if your uni professors like you makes life sm easier and getting better grades as well#or extensions on papers lol#i almost did the opposite in school i was not outright rude or smth but i don't think i was very good at hiding my dislike for here#well anyways#besides also so many of things i liked and hobbies i had i really couldn't imagine having this life anymore 😅
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