#i'm glad you enjoy it though!

[holidaywishes]

Happy Halloween

Hate Sex Part 4

Requested: 🤷‍♀️

Summary: After a rather awkward date with Auston, the two of you decide it’s probably best to leave things alone; but Halloween brings you both back to bad habits.

 Warning: smut, some fluff and a bit of angst

 Author’s Note: Yes, I’m back. To be honest, I should be writing a sample for my ghostwriting thing but I can’t bring myself to sit down and do it. As you can tell, I started this all the way back in October and kept coming back to it but I never felt like it was finished. I feel like the voice is a little different in this one, maybe less snarky? I don't know, it's just different. I personally don't know how much more I can add to this story but if people keep requesting chapters, I can write some -- maybe just tell me where you want it to go lol. This one is long AF but hopefully, it fulfills everyone’s craving though.

  masterlist

the other masterlist

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  Hearing (Y/N) say that there could be something more than sex between the two of you was almost like having air back in your lungs. But now where did you stand with her?

  “Wait,” Morgan stuttered as he sat across from you, both waiting for your server to bring your meals to the table, “what exactly are you asking me to do?”

  “Tell me I’m allowed to ask her out…” you awkwardly scoffed

  “You’re both adults. You wanna ask her out? Ask her out. You don’t need my permission,” he said, allowing a smile to spread across your face, “but she’ll probably say no”

  “Wow. Thanks”

  “I’m not gonna lie to you, Matts,” he started, leaning his elbows on the table, “she’s really not your biggest fan. Even if the two of you have been hooking up”

  “Yeah but she said s—

  “She didn’t say anything,” he interrupted and you furrowed your brow in return, “not about starting anything. I just don’t want you getting your hopes up…”

  “So I’m just supposed to leave it, her, alone now?” you asked, hoping for a different answer

  “Ask her out,” he said, “but if she says no, yeah. Let the situation end because if you keep going with the whole fuck buddies thing, one or both of you are going to get hurt.” You bit the inside of your cheek as you took in his words. You knew he was right, you were too emotionally invested already but you thought she was too and the idea of possibly cutting that off wasn’t something you were looking forward to.

xx

  You weren’t sure what to do now. Knowing that Auston had said he wanted more and that you had said you felt something as well had become all-consuming; not that you knew what any of it meant. The two of you hadn’t really talked since that night in the bathroom and now things were getting tense amongst your shared friend group.

  “What would you do?” you asked your best friend during a lunch break, “if you were me?”

  “What would you want to do?” she returned

  “No no,” you scoffed, “don’t do that. I asked what you would do, I really wanna know”

  “It seems pretty clear to me,” she added easily, a smirk quickly appearing on her face, “you both said you have feelings for each other, so it seems clear that you should go for it”

  “That’s what you would do?”

  “That’s what I know you would do,” she urged, “if it was anyone else”

  “It’s just that things are so weird!” you said, exasperated, “I mean I legit hated him and I always thought he hated me, and he probably did, but now he’s saying he has feelings for me and I’m changing my mind? Is that really what’s happening?”

  “Apparently”

  “If anything happens, it would be a terrible idea”

  “I think the terrible idea already happened,” she teased, “whatever happens now is probably a pretty normal thing.”

  “I just don’t like making anyone uncomfortable,” you admitted, “Tessa is asking me questions because Morgan is asking her questions because Auston is asking him questions. Yet, we haven’t spoken since we had sex in the bathroom so…”

  “Why did you have sex in the bathroom?” she asked and you shook your head once before shrugging, “I just mean, you always said public sex was a no, that it would never be the thing you did”

  “And then I did it…” you added with a heavy sigh, “I don’t know. I mean, it really did just sorta happen and there was alcohol involved — I guess I just got caught up in it, in him, that I didn’t really think about where we were.” When she smiled at you with that terrible poker face she had, you furrowed your brow, “what?”

  “You don’t think that your answer just now deserves a second look?” she asked before telling you that she needed to go back to work. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? I love you”

  “Love you” you said as you hugged her back and went your own way. As you drove back to your office, you thought about everything your best friend said, searching for more clarity on everything you’d talked about but only wound up more confused than you started.

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

  You decided just to go for it. Ask out (Y/N) and see what happens. But things were different now. Aside from the fact that you hadn’t spoken to her in months, you were now starting to rethink whether or not she actually meant what she said — because, if she did, why hadn’t she reached out either? You shook your head at your own thought and forced yourself to pick up the phone anyway

  “Hello” (Y/N)’s voice sang from the other end of the phone

  “Hi” you said shyly

  “Auston?”

  “Yeah, uhm,” you replied, clearing your throat to waste time as you thought about what to say, “what are you doing?”

  “What? You called me…” she giggled, a giggle that you could picture the perfect smile with, “how did you even get my number? I’m pretty sure I never gave it to you. For obvious reasons…”

“Mo gave it to me,” you said, “and I just meant what are you doing right now? Are you busy?”

  “Depends…”

  “On?”

  “On what you want.” You smiled, rubbing the back of your neck sheepishly as you paced around your apartment

  “I want— would you like to go on a date with me?”

  “No” it was almost a whisper and you could tell she was caught off guard

  “I mean a real date. In public. Sex completely off the table, not even a thought for either of us”

  “Why?” she asked, “why now? After everything?”

  “Because,” you answered, finally taking a seat, “I know how I feel but I want to be able to get to know each other. I’m really not as bad as you think I am”

  “That sounds like something a narcissist would say”

  “I promise,” you smirked, “I’m not a narcissist. I’d love for you to call me on all my bullshit but, to be fair, you’ll have to learn about me first”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yeah…” you scoffed. There was silence on the line for a while and you dropped your head as you awaited her polite refusal

  “One date” she finally said and you tried your best to contain your surprise

  “Really?”

  “One date and if it doesn’t go well, then we stop,” she continued, “stop everything. No random calls out of nowhere. No second dates because you want another chance to change my mind. No hookups in bathrooms or hotel rooms. Nothing. It all ends”

  “That’s no fun” you joked

  “That’s the point,” she said sternly, “and that’s the deal.” You chuckled a bit at her seriousness but let your shoulders relax

  “Okay,” you agreed, your smile now beaming, “so are you free tonight?”

xx

  The date was... awkward. It was as if Auston forgot how to interact with not only you but people in general and you couldn’t seem to make it any better. You honestly didn’t know how

  “This is a nice place” you said to fill the empty space

  “Thanks,” he replied, coughing on the sip of water he had taken, “I mean, it’s not mine obviously so I don’t mean ‘thanks,’ I just mean...” You raised your eyebrows as he stumbled over his words before taking a breath, “I’m glad you like it”

  “I’m a little confused...” you whispered, leaning in so only the two of you could hear, “why are we here?”

  “It’s a date..?” he replied hesitantly as if to say ‘did you not get that?’

  “No, I know,” you scoffed, “but why here? I mean... it’s nice. It’s fancy but I don’t know, it doesn’t really seem like you”

  “Aren’t I supposed to be this super arrogant jerk who likes only the best?” he chided and you grinned sarcastically

  “Yes,” you quipped, “but this place isn’t even that. It’s... too fancy for me, yet, not fancy enough for the person you think you are”

  “The person I think I am?”

  “Exactly”

  “What does that even mean? Either I’m arrogant or I’m not, you can’t decide it’s both”

  “I’m not deciding it’s anything, I’m saying this is how it is. You have this image of yourself, an inflated ego that people gave you, and it comes across in everything you do.” Your explanation left his face contorted into what seemed like permanent confusion, “you are not a god, Auston, you’re just a hockey player. Everyone has just made you believe that you’re more than that because... they felt like it. So, you became what they wanted and now you have no idea who you are”

  “You really can’t go an entire conversation without fighting with me can you?”

  “I’m just being honest with you, Auston,” you scoffed, leaning back in your seat, “maybe I thought you’d respect that”

  “Maybe it comes across as condescending” he added, his own scoff mimicking yours

  “Maybe you’re just too sensitive”

  “Maybe you’re meaner than you let people believe”

  “And what if I am?” you sneered, arms crossed as you stared across the table at Auston, one eyebrow raised slightly

  “Then you can’t really say I have no idea who I am when no one has any idea who you are” he replied. You scoffed in return before grabbing your purse and flagging down your server

  “Hi, sorry,” you said politely, a shy smile appearing on your lips, “can I just pay for my meal”

  “(Y/N)…” Auston sighed, “come on that’s ridiculous”

  “When you have a chance, I’ll just grab my bill”

  “So.. it’s separate?” the server asked and you nodded

  “No” Auston countered

  “Yes” you insisted, smiling at the server before sending him on his way

  “Seriously?” Auston scoffed once more

  “I don’t want to be indebted to you. This way I won’t owe you — for anything”

  “I can’t tell if this is mature or petty”

  “That sounds like a you problem.” The server came over with your bill just then and, luckily, he brought out the machine with him so you were able to tap your card and go. “Thank you,” you said to the young man who clearly thought this date was going better than it had, turning to dismiss yourself to Auston, “look, we gave it a try. But we made a deal — if the date didn’t go well, then that would be it. No more. So, thanks, I guess, for the terrible decisions I’ve made these last few years. It’s been a wild ride, but one I never should’ve gotten on”

  “Okay the metaphors are a little much” he said, grabbing your arm as gently as he could to stop you from leaving

  “Let go” you said gently

  “Stay”

  “Why?” you groaned, “to argue some more? To disagree over fundamental parts of each other's personalities? No, sorry, I don’t need that. It was… interesting knowing you Matthews. Catch you in another life.” You left the restaurant hastily, sighing to yourself at the idea of wasting your time before quickly smiling when you realized this meant you could get your life back to normal. Back to when Auston was just some over-hyped, narcissistic man-child who you never asked to have in your life in the first place.

xx

Five months later

  Morticia Addams was always a good choice. Last minute or first thought, alone or couples costume, it always garnered the right kind of attention. It was one of your favourite go-to costumes and you’d always worn it well; perfecting it over the years, of course.

  “Morticia again?” your cousin, Martha, scoffed when you came out in your floor-length, tight black dress

  “It’s a classic” you laughed before fitting your black wig onto your head

  “If I had known that you were going to wear it this much, I never would’ve dressed you up all those years ago”

  “You’re just mad that it works so well on me”

  “Are you ready?” she sighed as she rolled her eyes

  “Yeah,” you smirked, “just gotta put on some lipstick. Go meet me in the car.” Martha’s heels clacked on the hardwood floor as she made her way to the car and you paced around trying to make sure you had everything you needed before going to Tessa and Mo’s Halloween party. When your cousin pulled up in front of the house, you made sure everything on you was where it needed to be — no malfunctions tonight.

  “So wait…” Martha started, “do you think Auston will be in there?”

  “Probably,” you responded, moving your coat to the backseat, “he’s part of the team”

  “Have you talked to him since that date?”

  “Nope” you replied, popping the p as you fixed your lipstick and fell back in the seat

  “So after five months, you’re gonna see him,” she said and you nodded to yourself before turning your body to face her, “what’s that gonna be like?”

  “It’ll be fine. We both agreed to go our separate ways and there shouldn’t be an issue with both of us being there,” you admitted, “we’re just going back to how our lives were before all the bad decisions.” She smirked and shook her head, pushing the car door open and walked to your side of the car

  “Alright,” Martha sighed as you got out of the car and headed toward the house. You spent the first hour grabbing a drink, talking with a few people you knew and meeting a few you didn’t before finally finding Mo

  “Happy Halloween!” he greeted, stretching out his arms and his Dracula cape

  “Happy Halloween!” you returned with a smile

  “Morticia?” Tessa asked as she handed you another drink as she approached the group

  “Yep!” you said happily before noticing her smirk at Morgan who shyly took a sip of his own drink, “what?”

  “Nothing,” Tessa smirked, “you look great.” You weren’t sure what was going on but she wasn’t telling you something. You decided not to let it get to you in order to enjoy the rest of the party; that’s when you saw him.

  “Of fucking course” you whispered to yourself when you noticed Auston in his Gomez Addams costume

  “You guys knew about this, didn’t you?” Martha asked Tessa and Mo with a small laugh

  “Oh yeah” Mo replied

  “I mean,” Tessa corrected, “we knew about his costume, not about hers. It really was all a happy coincidence.” Overhearing Tessa, Mo and Martha made you roll your eyes as Auston made his way to your group, finally stopping softly in front of you. He stood silently for a moment before outstretching his hand to you, grabbing yours to continue the coincidence; this was not a couples costume but he seemed to have everyone else fooled

  “Cara Mia” he smirked before kissing the back of your hand

  “Well isn’t this a… strange coincidence” you scoffed

  “Or it’s fate” he teased, leading you to shake your head and walk away toward the kitchen. “Oh come on,” he groaned as he followed you inside, “why not just play along?”

  “Because,” you replied as you poured yourself another drink, “we agreed to go back to normal life. Normal life didn’t include us playing along with anything.” When the music changed to a slowed-down version of the Addams family theme, courtesy of Martha and Tessa, the group around you and Auston began encouraging you two to dance.

  “What’dya say?” Auston said softly, his palm open toward you and the chanting began to get louder, the peer pressure setting in; you groaned and took his hand with a glare. As he placed his palm flat on the small of your back, you corrected the train of your dress from where it had wrapped around your own legs.

  “I’m doing this so I don’t get shunned,” you chided, “not because I want to”

  “We’re back to that, are we?”

  “We never really left it”

  “Yeah, well...” he paused, leaning in to whisper in your ear, “you look stunning tonight”

  “I know” you whispered back, hoping he didn’t hear the blush you were trying to hide. Your bodies moved together seamlessly and you forgot how terrible that date was for a second, only to be brought back to reality when he moved his hand just an inch down onto your ass and you pushed him away; promptly ending the dance. You walked quickly past him so you could get back to your cousin and enjoy the rest of the party, doing your best to ignore Auston... yet again.

xx

Auston’s P.O.V

You were happy you decided to go as Gomez Addams tonight, if for no other reason than (Y/N) as Morticia. She looked beautiful and bringing her out into the middle of the room for a dance made you flashback to the moments that made you fall for her and when she walked away, you couldn’t help but follow her; even though you knew you shouldn’t.

“Stop” you whined as you ran after her, reaching out to grab her arm but not before she could run up the stairs

“Auston, go back downstairs,” she said, “back to the party. I’m just looking for a bathroom”

“You’re sure you’re not just ignoring me?”

“Can’t I do both?” she smiled sarcastically and you scoffed to yourself. Her pacing between closed doors to find a bathroom proved fruitless and she was soon brought back to you. “You can’t seriously still be trying to do something…” she scoffed, “it’s been five months and that date was a disaster”

“That’s very true. It was a disaster,” you admitted, moving one step closer to her, “and, yet, I haven’t stopped thinking about you once”

“That’s your problem, not mine. I told you that if the date didn’t go well, we’d go back to being nothing to each other”

“Is that really what you want?”

“Are you trying to coerce me into backtracking?” you took a step back in surprise at her words

“What? No, of course not”

“It sounds like you are”

“Well I’m not”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Jesus (Y/N)!” you groaned, exasperated, and threw up your hands, “why can’t you admit that you felt something during that dance?”

“Because it was just a dance!”

“Why can’t you admit that you had feelings for me?”

“I didn’t. I felt… something. But they weren’t feelings for you. It was all lust. Everything between us has been just sex and you know it”

“BULLSHIT!”

“Keep your voice down!” she yelled in a whisper as she pulled you into a nearby room, “my god, you’re so dramatic”

“You’re lying to yourself if you think it’s all been sex”

“Auston, we haven’t seen or talked to each other in five months! I think that makes it pretty clear”

“I don’t,” he said, “I wanted you to stay but you left so I gave you your space”

“Because you thought you were too good that I wouldn't just break and call you?” you groaned and rolled your eyes

“Because I knew there was something there, that we had something, but I wasn’t gonna force it.” He admitted and there was something so sweet in his eyes that you found yourself softening to his charm, “and yeah, sure, I guess I thought you’d realize that too.” You hated that you were falling into old patterns but, once again, the two of you moved together like magnets. He set his hands on your hips, staying there while you stared up at him

“Fuck,” you thought to yourself, before feeling his hands slowly climb your body until they cupped your face and, unintentionally, left you breathless. He leaned down with a smirk before kissing your forehead first as if to build the tension and your hands instinctively fell on his waist. When his lips finally met yours, you stepped into him and it wasn’t long until his hands were roaming your body, the kiss intensifying to the point of heavy breathing. “Wait,” you broke the kiss harshly and turned away from him, “we can’t keep doing this. This is dumb. This is bad. Toxic.”

“You’re toxic, I’m slipping under” he teasingly sang as walked over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist

“I’m serious” you whispered, feeling his hands move up your body until they cupped your breasts and pulled your body into him, earning a moan from you. His teeth grazed your neck as he placed kisses from your ear to your collarbone, his hands still firmly holding your breasts

“You look so fucking good right now,” he said breathlessly into your ear, your hands now finally raising to lay on top of his while your head dropped back onto his shoulder

“Fuck” you moaned, moving one hand to the back of his neck as he massaged your breasts. You finally turned back around, hastily removing his clothes with lips intertwined. Your dress wasn’t as easy to remove, being so tight, so Auston had to pull away from the kiss again to find the zipper on the side of your dress and let the fabric fall to the floor. He lifted you up and brought you to the bed, placing you on the edge so he could remove his pants. You pushed yourself back onto the pillows and Auston climbed on top of you shortly after, pulling him down to push your bodies together as his lips crashed into yours.

“Are you okay?” Auston asked suddenly, making you furrow your brow, “I just mean, should we keep going?”

“Yes,” you smiled, twirling your fingers in his hair as he kissed your neck. You hadn’t noticed his hand move down your body until he slid his fingers into your underwear, his calloused fingers moving up and down your folds. When Auston slid his long middle finger into you, you dug your nails into his shoulders and bit your lip to hold back the volume that would surely come out.

“The music’s loud,” he whispered, “you can be loud”

“Someone will still hear,” you said breathlessly, a small moan escaping your lips finally, “fuck”

“Come on,” he urged, planting kisses on the backs of your hands that clutches his shoulders, “be loud. You’re so wet, I wanna hear you scream my name.”

“You always do,” you breathed, “oh my god”

“Scream,” he said and you caught his smirk when you looked down, shaking your head before letting it fall back on the pillow. “Scream” he repeated

“You sound like a serial killer” you laughed, placing your hand on his cheek, bringing his face to yours and planting a kiss on his lips, his fingers working faster to bring you to your high. Your legs began to shake as he put a little bit of pressure on your clit, leading you to bite his lip in pleasure

“Cum, baby”

“Don’t call me baby”

“Cum” he repeated firmly. You continued the kiss, grabbing his hair so tight that you were sure you were going to tear a chunk out. He broke the kiss one last time, biting your collarbone and kissing the inside of your wrist before whispering one more time, “cum.” Something inside you unlocked and you moaned loudly as your body arched into him and your climax consumed you. “There she is” he smirked

“Shut up” you scoffed as Auston rolled onto his back, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and settling in. “What are you doing?” you asked

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t what this is” you sighed, adjusting your head on his arm before gesturing to where it lay behind you

“Just taking a break…” he scoffed, forcing you to look up at him and furrow your brow, “that okay with you?” You shook your head, deciding to climb on top of him

“Just… shh” you whispered, Auston’s thighs tightening under you while his arms stayed behind his head. His eyes boring into yours as you began to ride him slowly

“Fuck” he breathed, moving one hand from behind his head to explore your chest, fingers trailing from collarbone to breast to nipple. You moaned quietly, hands resting on his chest as you kept your movements slow, feeling Auston’s breathing increase as he took his other hand from behind his head and placed it on your waist; squeezing your side as you moved up and down his length. You began to pant as you rode him, slightly faster now, letting your head fall back as you took in the pleasure you were feeling.

“Fuck” you moaned through heavy breaths and Auston rose up, bringing his chest to yours, halting your breath in your chest as your breasts were pressed against his body; hands gripping your sides intensely. The only thing going through your mind, when something could get past how close you were to your climax again, was how wrong this was. Knowing how terrible the two of you would be as a couple after that date, how he could so easily use someone to make you jealous, the way neither of you tried to make anything healthier if you really wanted to make something work. Because, damn, the sex was good. You brought his lips close to yours, planning on muffling your moans with a kiss when Auston grabbed your hips and kept himself deep inside of you, leaving you nearly shaking at the sensation.

"Don't" he breathed against your lips, making you furrow your brow in confusion as you rocked desperately against his hips; was he seriously telling you not to cum? "Don't say this is the last time"

"What?"

"You always say that this is the last time," he sighed, hands still on your hips, keeping you in place, "that we can't keep doing this, but then we always end up here. Like this. Doing this..." he kissed your collarbone as you rode him slowly

"You know it's true"

"That doesn't matter"

"Yes it does" you scoffed

"Why do we keep ending up like this then? Naked and moaning in a dark room together?" With one strong thrust, you let out a small whimper and your legs went limp; you slid off his lap to lay on your back as you caught your breath

"Everyone makes a string of bad decisions in their 20s. I'm getting it out of my system"

"Oh is that what this is? Why didn't you say so?" he scoffed, jumping out of the bed to start getting dressed again, "I never would've taken you on that awful date if I knew that's all this was"

"Don't be a baby" you groaned

"You're stringing me along"

"What?!"

"You agr--"

"Do. Not!" you growled as you interrupted him, finally getting out of bed, and taking the top sheet with you to wrap around your body, "I never said that we should be something. I said that this was always a bad idea but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself from doing it"

"And then you said that you were feeling something!"

"Because I thought I was!" you yelled, dropping your head to your hands, "I was wrong. It was the post-sex high I guess. We're not the people who end up together. We fight, we fuck and we go our separate ways. That's it"

"It doesn't have to be..." he practically whined, "I mean if we just tried"

"What is it you like about me?" you asked before leaning down to grab your clothes from where they were strewn on the floor, "tell me honestly because I'm genuinely curious"

"You're smart," he started, "you're... passionate, fiery, and infuriating but beautiful in spite of it"

"In spite of it?" you scoffed, hastily pulling up your underwear under the sheet and turning your back to him to put on your bra as the fabric fell to the ground, leaving you feeling more exposed than you thought it would. "Real charming," you finally said, an eye-roll pairing with the harsh tone of voice you gave, "that's really what I would want my partner to think of me. That I'm beautiful in spite of everything else about me. As if that mattered the most"

"That's not what I said" he scoffed right back at you

"Oh but it is"

"No it's not!" he raised his voice slightly, putting on the last bit of his costume before approaching you once more, "I said you can be infuriating because you can be, just like you are now, but that I don't care because -"

"Because I'm beautiful" you sarcastically smiled, arms crossed over your still nearly naked body

"Fine, yeah, that's what I said," he conceded, "but what's wrong with me thinking you're beautiful? And did you miss that I said you're smart and passionate?"

"No," you said, stance firm in disobedience, "but it doesn't mean anything. Not once you mentioned how I looked"

"Why?" he asked and you could tell he was honestly curious. As if he was a student learning something new for the first time; like he'd never known that there could be something wrong with complimenting a girl on her appearance. You furrowed your brow, softly, as you thought about your words

"Because it negates everything that you said before it. I can be beautiful to you, sure, that's great. Thank you," you explained, as politely as you could muster, "but if it's following that I'm smart and I'm passionate and I'm strong and I'm brave, for me, it's as if you're saying it's amazing that someone who is all those things is also beautiful. Like they're mutually exclusive. One or the other."

"Okay..." he started, scrunching his eyebrows together in clear confusion as he sat down at the foot of the bed, "but if I don't say you're beautiful then you'll be offended. There's no winning!"

"Relax," you teased, "look, maybe there's a girl who feels differently than I do. Maybe she wants to be told she's beautiful and maybe that's all that matters to her. But I would much rather hear someone say 'You're beautiful but I care more about your mind and your heart than your body.'" Your voice was softer now, you felt a sudden need to nurture this man who'd pretended to be so macho this whole time. You moved toward him until you were standing in front of him, placing the palm of your hand on his cheek, "I've spent too much of my life worrying about how people think of me based on how they look at me. I'm tired of being pretty or not pretty enough to someone and I don't want to be with someone who is still caught up in 'appearances matter.' Does that make sense?"

"Yes," he said clearly, deep brown eyes piercing right through to your soul and you could feel yourself being pulled in again, "I'm sorry. I just... I want you to know how amazing I think you are and how amazing we could be if we decided to give us a shot"

"Auston..." you sighed, finally sitting down next to him, "Passion, desire, comes from a lot of different places but ours came from hate. It made the sex great, amazing even, but it's not like that means we're on track to start a relationship. I mean you don't really believe that, do you?"

"I mean, I could," he admitted and you tilted your head, "I've grown legit- legitimate feelings for you," he corrected his abbreviated word in what you considered to be his way of sounding more mature. "You can't argue with me on that because you're not me"

"You can see how this wouldn't work though, can't you?" you tried, hoping to somehow, someway, get through to him. Knowing that the two of you could easily end up in the same place another five months from now but that you would always leave feeling the same way -- like you were purposely running toward red flags because it meant you didn't have to commit to anything real.

"Maybe," he sighed, rubbing his face harshly before dropping his elbows on his knees and looking straight ahead at the door, "but I also know what I'm feeling and I think we'd be stupid to ignore that you're feeling something too." You took a deep breath, annoyed at the loop you'd found yourself in, and stood up to find your black dress strewn on the floor. Stepping in and shimmying into it slowly so as to not rip the zipper - a very real fear at this point in the night.

"Help me with this, won't you?" you asked, referring to the zipper that you could clearly do up on your own but you knew it would force you to feel his breath on your skin. Auston finished zipping your dress and placed his hands on your hips for a moment before kissing your temple

"I've never met anyone like you before," he whispered and you turned your head slightly toward him, "I don't want to lose you." You stood there for a minute, facing forward, Auston's hands on your hips, his chest against your back and his breath cascading down your neck. You took a minute to embrace the moment and appreciate how solid he felt behind you, scanning your mind desperately to find the same... hope he seemed to have about you with him. You fell back against his chest, a motion you'd done before when you needed to feel reassured; his steady heartbeat let the once chaotic mood in the room settle almost instantly.

"I wish I knew what to say here..." you admitted, finally turning to face him, your eyes slowly scanning his body up until his caught yours

“Say that you don’t wanna lose me either” he leaned down a little, fingers grazing your arms slowly

“I want…” you hesitated, turning away from his kiss at the last minute, “something normal. Something easy, uncomplicated,” you said simply, looking away from his eyes only long enough to watch your palms flatten on his chest. “I don’t think that’s with you.” His eyes searched yours and all you could do was give him a look of sympathy, knowing that’s not what he wanted to hear

“So I guess that’s it…” he huffed, backing away and you nodded, “or just until next time? Yet again?” You took a step toward him, feeling the train of your dress drag on the floor before you stopped in front of him, holding his hand in yours as you kissed his cheek. Whether it was the end or not, you couldn’t be sure, time had proven that you weren’t as strong as you thought you were, but right now, at this moment, you knew it had to be goodbye. You let go of his hand and turned to walk toward the door, looking back at him once you stood in the open frame, his stillness telling everything you needed to know.

You weren’t used to seeing him this vulnerable, even in times when you wished he would be, and you hated that you knew how much this was going to hurt him.

[moesoup]

visdev sketches for a project

[violentlydefending]

adventure time comics good actually [id in alt!]

[jeeaark]

Thank you for the continued fantastic comics. I love greygold so much. Thank you for blessing my dash with dipshit emperor content

I need you to know I cackled at the words 'dipshit emperor' <3

[tswwwit]

I feel like at some point in the Familiar AU, someone (Ford? Secret Flirtagent who's made it his personal mission to ""rescue"" Dipper from Bill after nearly getting murdered?) snoops through Dipper's magic cellohone for clues on how to destroy Cipher. And this really is 70% of their texts.

Obviously Bill would have made it so if anyone besides he or Dipper tries to use the phone, they get a nasty surprise, but still.

(Thanks as always for the amazing writing!)

[boyswhowawa]

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

YOU CAN'T FATHOM THAT REACH BUT NEVER CATCH

[ I'm really really proud of how this came out ]

this was TONS of fun to do and I feel so CONFIDENT IN MY WORK

I'm hAPPY

delighted to be where I am, to have th friends I have, and to be doing this tumblr thing, to have the opportunity to share this creation, to share all my work, and keep growing better and better

ANYWAYS MORE GOOFING UNDER THE CUT

SONG ASSOCIATION

early sketchings

then with the base colors of the different three colors they have in this piece!

here were base colors almost done !!

oh also fire spear ajd;sflkajsdflakjdsf

here's me goofin' off with some color filters gyehehhehehe

here was a rough sketch of the background partially

here was the front layer of the background

then here was the background prior to effects!!

then here's the whole piece zoomed out!! which shows off the sparks better, I lvoed the sparks they were such shape y to do asjdf;lkaksdjfal;ksdfja

this piece was delightful to work on, and I really love how it turned out

I had this idea yesterday, which was whwen I designed Foxificer too, but putting it to action was such fun??? my goodness, Foxificer is just fun to draw ajsd;flaksjdf;klasdj;lfkas

thanks for reading! hope to see ya around

[raiiny-bay]

making something (maybe)

[soaps-mohawk]

Heyyy I hope your doing well!!!! Your cherry blood crimson series is so awesome btw but I do have a question. Currently rereading the series and I'm just wondering when the next update is, no hate or trying to overwork you! Your mental health is important, I was just wondering ❤️❤️❤️

Hi love, I'm hoping to get the chapter out this weekend. Last week was just absolute shit and I could not for the life of me focus on writing with everything going on.

I am back to writing this week though, albeit slowly, but I am planning on posting this coming weekend at some point.

[mbohjeezart]

i need you to understand that you putting the hermits in dresses is INCREDIBLE. its literally so >>>>>>

Haha I can't tell if you're talking about my infamous Doc art or the Hades series, but thank you so very much!! I quite enjoy doing it XD

[northstarscowboyhat]

imagine grieving the loss of your best friend/crush and then said best friend’s daughter comes in your room asking for chicken nuggets, i love that doodle lmao

Starlo has an emotional breakdown at 3am because the grief of losing Ceroba and the stress of raising Kanako and running the Wild East piles up on him, and Kanako stands in the doorway awkwardly waiting for him to finish because she needs to tell him she frew up on her pillow.

[thehealingsystem]

im not sure how to feel about nate's semi-retirement video tbh.....I mean on one half good for him. he sold his catalog and is no longer pressured to keep up with algorithms and deal with the internet. he can focus on what he wants to do elsewhere and he'll come back after a certain period of time. on the other hand I feel like everything I love just keeps on disappearing so there's that

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Purge March: Initial Thoughts

Hello everybody! Sorry this took so long to get out, I got more distracted by real-life stuff than I expected since the drop. I made the decision back on the night of the Amane drop to wait for the audio drama and give myself time to think, and I'm glad I did, because in my opinion, Amane's case is really complicated.

I used the audio drama translation done by @/muu_kusunoki on twitter, which I'll link here, I'll also be doing a lot of referencing both the Purge March (PM) MV and the Magic MV. This is still going in as my Initial Thoughts rather than a synthesis theory, but it'll definitely be closer to synthesis than normal.

As usual, I'll be making bolded claims and then discussing them. Let's get started!

TW: Many kinds of abuse, indoctrination, murder, animal death suicide

The person Amane healed WAS actually a cat.

Truly insane. I'd assumed the whole time that the orange cat was symbolic for a human, but it's actually genuinely just a cat. That sort of throws out the whole theory from Magic that Riyone didn't have a role listed because their role related to the falling stage light, meaning that the injury on the cat was staged.

...Wait.

I think it still makes sense that the cat's injury was staged. Rather than being staged because the cat did something inherently wrong, though, I think it's more likely that the cat was staged to test Amane's belief of cult doctrine. She knows she's not supposed to heal using medicine, but here's an injured cat, just waiting for you. Amane takes the bait and heals the cat (the good thing to do), and as a result, she gets punished. Tased, it seems.

Riyone is the one responsible for electric torture. Because of that, I'm going to make the claim that Riyone was the one with the taser in the MV.

I've seen a couple different posts floating around say that they believe this is Amane's mother. The most convincing piece of evidence I've seen is from this alleged picture of the storyboards, but I have no idea how this was procured or if it's legit.

I think Riyone being Amane's mother makes a lot of sense, though. I mentioned earlier how Riyone doesn't have a listed role at intro like everyone else; that's probably because, to Amane, the role is just "mom." We know Amane's dad is frequently gone, so this probably isn't him. Additionally, it seems like Amane may live in this house we see in the MV, and as soon as she gets home, this other person is there. It would make the most sense if this person was her mother.

So, based on that, Amane's mother (Riyone) would have placed an injured cat right outside of their house to see what Amane would do. Amane heals the cat, and that results in Amane being punished for it. Punished, in this case, for interfering with divine will by using medicine to counteract fate.

Being the flag associated with destiny, it makes sense if Riyone is the one upholding the torture related to the cat. The cat seems to be dead and gone later, too, so it's likely that Riyone "fixed" destiny by killing it. But, in that case, who's that other guy?

Gozake is responsible for the water torture.

Safe enough claim. It's right there.

Anyways, the important thing is that means the hand you can see here is Gozake's.

This seems like it's in the same house as before, which I've theorized as Amane's house. If I'm right, that means that either Gozake is her dad, Gozake has access to her house despite not living there (the most plausible imo), or that all the cult leaders actually live here and it's more of a shared housing situation. In any case, what's important is that Gozake was in Amane's living space and tortured her there.

For what, though?

If I'm right that Riyone was the one handling torture related to the cat, that means Gozake was focused on something else. Let's check out those flags.

"Discard vulgarity" just kinda sounds like not swearing at first glance. However, vulgarity is defined as a more general lack of sophistication. I take this one to mean something like, "Behave in a way that is befitting of the cult."

Gozake seems to be in control of the cult's image and what they say to the public or something like that. So, to me, I think this means that Gozake punished Amane for outwardly doing something that the cult didn't approve of. Could also be the cat, could be something else. From Gachata flicking Amane at the beginning, it seems like the torture wasn't limited to "big mistakes" in the cult's eyes. Anything she did wrong could result in intense punishment.

Gozake is the one she killed.

If it's one, anyways. I'm still not fully convinced that she only killed one cult leader, but that's doesn't matter at the moment. Right now, my job is to convince you that Gozake is extremely dead.

The biggest point against him is the fact that Amane's prisoner card in UNDERCOVER shows that her murder took place in the shower.

It's kind of hard to see, but that's a bathroom. Based on the other prisoners' cards, it seems like the location on the cards is the location that their murder/related death incident occurred. Because Gozake was the one who tortured Amane in the shower specifically, that's a pretty bad look for him.

There's also plenty of reason to believe that at least one of the cult leaders is the one who died. All of Amane's lyrics about how she was sorry, but now the roles are reversed, makes total sense if a previous abuser of hers was begging for her mercy against being killed. Plus, there's the scene towards the end of Purge March where she's twirling her baton. It goes from clean to bloody at around 2:17.

Notably, this shot is taken from between times it shows the four cult leaders up on the cloud. We never see them again after this. (That's part of why I believe all four could possibly be dead, but I honestly don't consider it very relevant.)

We already know that Amane's murder weapon is a pole of some kind based on her kill shot of Es in UNDERCOVER.

She also uses her magic wand in Magic similarly. The point is, we know that Amane killed someone via whacking them with a pole. That's what we see in the end shot of Purge March.

That person? That's Amane's victim. Or, one of them, anyways.

Amane may have had multiple victims.

Again, I don't know how much it really matters, but it's definitely possible. That person looks like they're killed in the bedroom or something, right? And there's the light on in the bathroom.

I've seen some people say that they just think the person (Gozake) crawled from the bathroom to the bedroom before Amane finished them off. However... why?

What situation would that help in? I'm under the impression that the door out of the house is the other way, so if the victim crawled to escape, they'd likely head the other way. Additionally, Amane is still a twelve year old girl. If there were a prolonged fight, it seems like it would favor the grown ass man. So, this would have to mean that Amane would partially damage him before he crawled, out of the bathroom but AWAY from the front door. That doesn't make sense to me.

There's also the question of what Amane's murder weapon is. Let's look at that shower scene again.

A clothes washer (I think), a sink, some sort of pole thing (is that part of the clothes washer? Or is it more of a vacuum or something?), and some conspicuous bleach.

A big question for me is what that pole thing is. Could that be Amane's murder weapon? Is it detachable enough to bring to the bedroom? That's really relevant.

Basically, I think there's two options based on this.

The pole is detachable. Amane hits the guy's face with bleach and he tries to crawl away, but can't see where he's going. She then carries the pole over to the bedroom and finishes him off there.

Amane uses the bleach to kill him in the bathroom, leaving him there with the light on. Then, Amane uses either that pole or a different one and heads to the bedroom, killing whoever else is there (probably Riyone, if I had to guess).

I'm honestly kind of partial to 1 now that I've written it out. However, there is also this:

This is Amane's associated image from UNDERCOVER. We don't know what it relates to, exactly; we just know that it's something to do with her.

I would... assume that this is someone in the shower, based on the water torture. However, when I first saw it (and I know this is true for others, too), I thought it was rain. The way the water drops fall looks more like rain to me. And, based on what we saw, Amane was kneeling on the shower floor. That means that it should be Gozake in the shower, thus invalidating the theory that Gozake crawled out of the shower before getting finished off in the bedroom.

Except, what if it is rain?

If it is rain, that makes this matter a hell of a lot more. Because, if that isn't in the shower, that means that someone ended up on the ground like that outside of that house. Possibly someone who never entered the house, possibly someone who never entered the cult. Who knows!

...Possibly the little girl with the balloon?

Obviously if that's the case, it's someone related to the cult. Still, the sky is clearly the same sky, at least. There's the same rainbow despite the same clouds. Plus, we see the little girl's balloon wander off later in the MV. Maybe something happened to her?

I don't know what her involvement is otherwise. I don't know why she's important enough to be depicted. Interestingly, I believe Amane is the only one who hasn't gotten the reveal of someone important's actual face in the second round. We've seen a LOT of people with impact on her life, but none of them have been singled out with actual facial detail. Unless you count the swarm of Amanes, I guess.

Amane has or expects to take over a cult leader role.

She sees herself leading the Purge March. She seems to place herself in a position of authority. This, I'm sure, also relates to a very complex self image she likely possesses, but the fact of the matter is, she's the one leading it.

If she killed at least one cult leader (likely, Gozake is so dead), she might believe that she'd be the one to replace them. We don't know if this is true or not; Mu doesn't know what happened to her surrounding any legal punishments or authorities or anything, so it's possible that Amane doesn't actually know what the aftermath of her murder would end up being.

Still, it's something to consider. If Amane, unchanged, returned to the world, she could very believably recruit others into the cult and continue the cycle.

Amane wants to be innocent, but she has changed the meaning of what an innocent verdict is.

Amane is pulling a Trial 1 Kotoko. She's offered Es a deal surrounding verdicts. That makes it much harder for us to communicate with Amane, because she changed what the verdict means.

Much like Kotoko in Trial 1, Amane's Trial 2 audio drama is her guiding Es through the discussion she wants to happen. She tells Es that she wants Milgram's forgiveness so she can turn it into the ideal world for her cult.

That means that, if we vote Amane innocent, she likely will take it as Es approving Milgram for her cult. That's obviously bad, but the other prisoners (other than maybe like Haruka) are hopefully not impressionable enough for it to be a problem?

However, I still do believe Amane wants to be innocent. She asks Es to remember her pleas for forgiveness at the end of the Purge March MV. We all forgive Amane; the question is how to tell Amane that we forgive her disobedience and we're sorry for the situation she grew up in without approving the cult's beliefs.

It's wrong to torture a child in order to get them to conform to your beliefs.

This is what Amane's story is about. The cult leaders tortured Amane until she was brainwashed into their beliefs. Amane insists that, just because her beliefs aren't the norm, that doesn't make them wrong.

Arguably, a guilty verdict could be seen as doing the exact same thing. We'd be subjecting Amane to audio torture, at least, given that we know guilty prisoners are bombarded nonstop with the reasons why people voted them guilty. She would also be restrained, and due to Kotoko's attacks, we know it's at least hypothetically possible she could get physically injured from it to.

That's obviously not cool. Don't like that part.

Amane wants to kill Shidou.

Amane warned us that Shidou's actions (saving Mahiru's life and healing up Futa) disobey with her beliefs, and if we don't do something about it, she'll have to take action. It's not entirely clear whether that means she'll punish Shidou as she was punished, or if she'll attack Mahiru to kill her as God intended.

Either way, it's bad news for Mahiru if that happens. It's been directly stated that Mahiru is in a critical condition, and it's possible that the removal of Shidou as her doctor could kill her even if she doesn't get hurt again. If Amane killed Shidou, it could mean both of them could die.

However, Kazui has also promised that, if he gets an innocent verdict, he'll protect anyone he can from harm. Kazui could take Amane in a fight (I forget where but somewhere it's established that Kazui is the strongest in a fight, plus he beat Kotoko who I assume could easily beat Amane), so hopefully Kazui will be able to protect Shidou.

That also opens up the door for a weird possibility, though, which is the case of Haruka. Given that, in this case, Kazui would be focused on protecting Shidou and/or Mahiru from Amane, that means that Kazui would likely not have time to look after other prisoners, such as Haruka, who's threatened suicide if we voted Mu guilty. Which we did.

So, basically, the whole thing's a mess and voting Amane innocent makes it much more likely that someone dies, whether that someone is Shidou, Mahiru, Haruka or some combination.

VERDICT: ???

If you couldn't tell, the last four sections are me deliberating on which verdict to give her. In my opinion, there are a lot of arguments in both directions, which makes it difficult to decide. If I was ignoring meta voting, I'd obviously vote innocent, given that Amane is a highly traumatized child and she killed her abuser(s). That's forgivable. However, given other circumstances surrounding the dynamics of her vote, I have doubts on if it's really the "right" move.

I think that with Amane, there's no good option. To be clear, I don't regret the Trial 1 guilty verdict. I've seen a lot of people saying that this state of no good options is a result of stupid people thinking guilty was right last trial. I think that an innocent verdict would just mean that she'd be like Kotoko is right now, believing that she's right without a shadow of a doubt. Milgram is mean, intentionally. They weren't going to give us good options either way.

As a result, given that I can tell a lot of people have WAY stronger opinions on this one than I do, I'm currently not actually voting. If the margin gets close enough, I'll probably commit to a direction, but for now, I'm letting the rest of the fanbase steer the verdict. I was fully team guilty when I was worried about Kazui getting a guilty verdict. With Kazui innocent, I'm much more open to the possibility of forgiving Amane, because that verdict hopefully won't cost Shidou and/or Mahiru's lives.

If you have a convincing theory or argument in either the innocent or guilty direction, please let me know! If I'm ever convinced enough, I'll probably start voting, but for right now, I'm honestly neutral on the verdict.

NOTE: don't yell at anyone. Do not insult anyone else or get aggressive when pushing for a verdict. This is a fan blog for a fictional series that exists to have fun solving mysteries and calmly discussing ethics. Please, have fun and don't take this too seriously.

[jacksprostate]

Howdy jacksprostate can you give us some thoughts on the narrators father/upbringing? Im curious on how you interpret what the book/movie gave us in terms of his absent dad

Also i love ur posts btw and thank you for replying to like all of my fight club art 😭 It genuinely pushes me to make more for the community so i thank you

Howdy :)

The narrator's father is an important, ever present, and completely lacking figure in the book and movie. (Obligatory disclaimer I mostly focus on the book) Here's some things I've been thinking about:

The chapter detailing fight club, its start, its rules, is intertwined with fatherhood. As the narrator explains his first punch with Tyler, as he looks upon his new disciples, as Tyler reads out the rules:

"Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer. 

Tyler never knew his father. 

Maybe self-destruction is the answer."

"Me, I knew my dad for about six years, but I don't remember anything. My dad, he starts a new family in a new town about every six years. This isn't so much like a family as it's like he sets up a franchise. 

What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women."

You have the lines, Tyler’s in the movie, the narrator’s in the book, you have:

"My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college. 

After college, I called him long distance and said, now what? 

My dad didn't know. 

When I got a job and turned twenty-five, long distance, I said, now what? My dad didn't know, so he said, get married. 

I'm a thirty-year-old boy, and I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need."

You have:

"Tyler was fighting his father. 

Maybe we didn't need a father to complete ourselves. There's nothing personal about who you fight in fight club." 

And you have his boss; his boss he blows up, Tyler constantly tells the narrator how he could do it, Tyler’s words come out against his boss about how he could shoot up the office, begging to be punished, using the copy machines, begging for more than nothingness; you have:

“The problem is, I sort of liked my boss.

If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And sometimes you find your father in your career.

Except Tyler didn’t like my boss.”

You have: 

“I am Joe’s Broken Heart because Tyler’s dumped me. Because my father dumped me. Oh, I could go on and on.”

You have, Tyler’s words in the mechanic’s mouth:

“"Your father was your model for God.

…

If you’re male and you’re Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And if you never know your father, if your father bails out or dies or is never at home, what do you believe about God?

…

What you end up doing … is you spend your life searching for a father and God.

What you have to consider … is the possibility that God doesn’t like you. Could be, God hates us. This is not the worst thing that can happen."

How Tyler saw it was that getting God’s attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God’s hate was better than His indifference.

If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?

We are God’s middle children, according to Tyler Durden, with no special place in history and no special attention. 

Unless we get God’s attention, we have no hope of damnation or Redemption. 

Which is worse, hell or nothing?

Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved.”

And we have Tyler using paraffin, so the narrator can be in Heaven, chided by God.

So like, what does it all mean?

A generation of men raised by women. His dad franchises, he’s not sure if another woman is really what we need. Men with no male models. Men with shit fucking fathers who are fighting them with impersonal proxies. Men who know they're destroying themselves because they have no constructive examples to follow because every single man just fails every son.

And that IS important. It's important to note there is misogyny in the fact that men demand male idols and refuse to even borrow women, but can I condemn them for the same thing I know matters to myself? Can I condemn them for wanting to see men who aren't shit, when I want to see women who aren't shit, when I want to see both not fucking failing their children? Shit fathers fuck over everyone, I don't think it's wrong to see that problem. It's classic male to say it by implying women are lesser, so fucking classic, but it IS true — they're in large part like this because men fucking fail everyone including each other and themselves. There is a gaping, wide fucking asshole where decent men should be, and they’re throwing fits about it rather than stepping up, but I think it’s notable that the narrator DID break the cycle. He’s not franchising. 

And man, the Christian thing. Your father is your model for God because that is the point. Patriarchal religion serves a damn purpose. The father anoints himself as God, tells his children to have unbreakable faith, then disappears. What a shit fucking father. Isn’t disillusionment inevitable? When you can’t find him in his petty figures, not in your father, not in your boss?

Truth is, he says it twice. He likes his boss. As a person maybe. He’s around. But he’s absent too. He doesn’t give a shit. Just like his fucking father, he’s putting him in shit situations, telling him that’s just how it is, and expecting him to, what, be happy with it?

He likes his boss, but a part of him really wants to kill him. He likes his boss, but he begs his boss to do something, anything other than indifference. And he doesn’t. So the narrator invents his own boss, his own father, his own God, and he kills his boss, and he’d kill God and his father if they weren’t already practically dead and gone. 

Dead and gone, even if they're there, he could beg them to care and they wouldn't. Society is set up for them to be the ultimate judgement, the hallmark by which you can measure yourself, the ruler for your fucking life, especially as a guy. And you get nothing. Indifference at best. Be the best son, disciple, worker you can, your boss God father doesn't give a shit. Self improvement isn't the answer. Wouldn't it be better, to know God, your father, your boss cared enough even if it's just to hate you?

Wouldn't it be great to track him down, tell God, "I am stupid and bored and weak, but I am still your responsibility."

He externalizes all that violence, it’s always Tyler who wants to kill his boss, who says he wants to be God’s enemy. And Tyler is his stand in boss father God, so just like the others, he leaves him. Even his fantasies can’t imagine better. 

And honestly, yeah. Myself, I’ve got a pretty good dad. He loves me. He’s been around. I still hate his guts. He abuses my mom and I hate his fucking guts for it. If you asked my brothers, maybe they wouldn’t have that “but”. What he does to my mom is so baked into society that he may as well be a five star father. He’s not beating us. He’s still here. Can it really get better? I have friends that love their dads. But I don’t have any friends that love their dads that don’t have shit moms. When it’s not the choice between bad and worse. The bar is so low. What does that mean for us?

It’s so easy to point at all this and be disturbed and angry about this pathetic fucking white man letting his daddy issues result in terrorism, and like, yeah. But god, fucking everyone has daddy issues, and we shouldn’t. He’s right that it’s a problem. What to fucking do.

Fight Club sits as a “how to NOT deal with several major crippling problems in society,” obviously. But what are we doing to do? It’s not up to me, obviously. I’m not a man, father, not even someone who could raise her standards for the man she partners with, because I don’t do that shit. And hell, you raise your standards and men say you’re killing them and shoot up all the women in an engineering class because jobs are making them too uppity. So. It’s up to them, whether they decide that the fallout of having such a shit father means they should, I don’t know, change something. But as it is, father as God, boss as father is baked into society, the paternalism is extensive and everywhere. It’s baked in.

The narrator is a product of so many issues. A little clown car of a vehicle for them. I don’t really need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because really, as he accurately assesses, “if his parents weren’t divorced, his father was never home, and here he’s looking at me with half my face clean shaved and half a leering bruise hidden in the dark. Blood shining on my lips. And maybe Walter’s thinking about a meatless, painfree potluck he went to last weekend or the ozone or the Earth’s desperate need to stop cruel product testing on animals, but he’s probably not.” 

Most people, on an overwhelming scale, due to how the world is damn designed, do not need to consciously think about what his upbringing and absent dad was like, because damn if it’s not relevant even if your dad was home.

[cannibalcreeps]

I loved your Bubba stuff! He's such a love. Even thought he giggles while bringing women to their doom.

I'm very glad! I know I tend to focus more on the Wrong Turn villains I do enjoy writing about either Bubba or Thomas

He a giggly man and we love him for it UwU

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

you absolutely already know this, but i adore your work. i think it's hard to avoid the pressure of being surrounded by people we might consider "true artists," but the fact is that, frankly, everyone who makes art is an artist.

before this year, i hadn't drawn a complete piece in nearly three years. the line work i did produce felt abysmal and i was tempted to give up. then, i saw your comic and i thought, "wow, that's really cute, and it looks like a fun style to emulate."

i drew you, pondering me, eating grass. and it WAS fun. i forgot how fun it could be. i can draw lesbian horses, or pony!WWX throwing a chicken, or me eating grass. i can even make shitty memes! and all of it, no matter how good or how bad, is fun again.

you bring a lot of fun to people here. that's something equally as important as people who cultivate fancy line work or expert level digital painting. i'm sure that's something you know, but i hope it never hurts to hear it.

happy first season, friend! i can't wait to see the rest.

As a chronic perfectionist, it's been a long journey for me to accept that 'done is better than nothing' and that the worst critical voice is my own. Sure there's people who've gone to professional art schools, and those with a more than a decade of experience on me, but honestly? Would I tell a child their sonic drawing isn't art? Just because they have no 'experience' or 'technique'? Absolutely not. So I'm no longer saying my efforts should not count as art.

At the end of the day, art is what we choose to make it. We have the power to create whatever we want. And we are going to use it to have fun! We never lost the love and fun for creation we all had as children, we just told ourselves it wasn't enough. But it really is B*)

[averlym]

@remylong :