#i'm going to be trying to make more sense of the nesta situation we were left with

[itsjunear]

Shadows and Whispers

Note: Hello loves! I'll try to be more active and post more often, maybe once a week (this is my proof that I'm trying 😀). It's really been a long week for me, but I truly appreciate and I'm so happy for the support the previous post received. I'm very grateful for the likes, reblogs, and comments 💙💙💙 I'm not sure if I should make a second part of that one, but in the meantime, here's this. I hope you enjoy it, and sorry if it's a mess! Again, remember that English is not my first language, but if there are any mistakes, don't hesitate to let me know! I’m leaving the song I wrote this with, the slow version sounds really good :)

P.S.: I’m not really sure if this would work in ACOTAR, but I don’t know, I just liked the idea.

Words: +1k

Warnings: none, slight mention of tension

Summary: Reader and Azriel are sent on an undercover mission where they must pretend to be a couple. Reader has unresolved feelings, and the closeness with the shadowsinger leaves her confused.

The Mother definitely had a twisted sense of humor.

I was certain that in this life, I was paying for each and every bad thing I had done in my previous ones. If not, what would be the point of all this?

I had to suppress the complaint lodged in my throat ever since I had left the meeting with Rhys and he had communicated his plans for the Autumn Court.

Why? Why did these things always happen to me?

I could have gone with Cassian, Mor, or even Amren. I wouldn’t have had any issue pretending to be the lover of one of them. But of course, I had to go and pretend with Azriel.

Rhys had received a formal invitation to a ball in the Autumn Court, but decided to send us instead to investigate the political situation surrounding that entire red-haired family and how the stir was being perceived by the court’s nobles. Evidently, we were supposed to look as distracted as possible to catch any murmurs here and there, and the simplest way to do that was by pretending we were simply there to enjoy the evening as a couple in love.

Fantastic, I thought.

"I try to respect your privacy and not intrude on your thoughts" I heard Rhys’s voice in my head "but the way you’re shouting them, I could hear them even from the scraps of the Spring Court."

I grimaced but didn’t respond, letting the anger fill my mind so that he could feel it.

"Why are you so… irritated?" I heard him ask with genuine curiosity, and I sighed.

Rhys could dig just a little and find the reason, but he would never dare. Not without my permission.

"What do you care" I barked mentally, sulking.

I’d apologize later for speaking to my High Lord like that, but right now, I could feel the smoke coming out of my ears, and I guessed he could too because a laugh echoed in my mind before it simply vanished.

"Idiot" was the last thing I thought before raising my mental walls and reinforcing them with everything I had.

By the Cauldron, what was the problem? Well, for starters, I wasn’t in love with Cassian or Mor.

Hell, I had even suggested going with Amren to avoid going through this. Going undercover with Cassian was impossible—Nesta’s scent was all over him, and it wasn’t a secret that he had a mate. Mor was in the Winter Court visiting Viviane, and Amren… well, she was busy with Varian.

So that only left the shadowsinger and me free. Plus, neither of us was involved with anyone publicly, so we were the perfect candidates.

This time I didn’t suppress the groan of exasperation as I headed to my own room in the House of the River. I missed the company of the House of Wind, but now that Cassian and Nesta were there, it was impossible for me to stay—for the sake of my mental health, I fled that place. So I sighed and nearly cried when I reached my bed, bracing myself and trying to find the strength to endure what would happen in a few days.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two nights had passed. Two damned nights sleeping like shit, practicing a mask of indifference and composure that I clearly didn’t feel.

I had also been more sensitive than usual, so I tried to avoid everyone, including Azriel. However, I saw Cassian every morning at training, and although I felt him casting strange glances at me, anticipating my mood, he didn’t ask about it. For that, I was grateful.

In a few hours, Azriel and I would be on our way to the Autumn Court, and I was just trying to control my breathing to avoid panicking. Even now, my hands were shaking so much I couldn’t fasten the endless buttons on the back of the pretty midnight blue dress, adorned with some crystals at the top and quite fitted from the waist down. Courtesy of Rhys.

A knock on the door distracted me from the mission, and holding the top of the dress to my chest, I opened it to come face to face with the man I had been avoiding with all my might.

I had to restrain myself from shrinking away upon seeing him in all his glory—not dressed in Illyrian leathers, but in a formal suit the same color as my dress, fitted in all the right places that made him look out of this world. If you added the large wings behind his back, the stoic hazel gaze, and the tendrils of shadows that surrounded him, giving him a mysterious and irresistible air… My breath faltered a bit.

He scanned me from head to toe as well, and the shiver that ran through me was completely involuntary. His gaze burned, but I did nothing to break the silence in which we were immersed.

"You look… beautiful" he finally said, hesitating a bit.

I swallowed hard and looked away, unsure of how to act. I had never been shy about receiving compliments, but when they came from him, they managed to destabilize me.

"Thanks" I whispered "You look great too."

Azriel nodded, and I saw his eyes drift to my chest, right where my hands were holding the dress.

"I need help with the buttons" I said in a tired tone.

He nodded again and entered my room, closing the door slowly. His shadows roamed freely, and I felt one of them caress my braided hair, making me smile.

"Sorry" Azriel apologized as he gestured for me to turn around.

I shook my head.

"I like them" I replied with a smile that died the moment I felt his fingers touch the exposed skin of my back.

"And they like you" he answered in his usual calm tone.

I didn’t respond, fearing my voice would tremble, and I focused on avoiding my skin from tingling wherever his touched. I even resorted to thinking about the painful blows to the stomach that Cassian gave during training when Azriel’s hands brushed dangerously low on my back.

I knew he also noticed the tension by the way his wings were tucked, but he didn’t say anything. Finally, I released the breath I had been holding once he finished and he removed his hands, though a strange sense of loss invaded me. Nevertheless, I ignored it.

A moment later, I turned around and faced him, tilting my head back to meet his eyes now that we were so close.

"Rhys told me you had certain… reservations about this" he broke the silence, looking at me with a calm expression.

Of course, he had told him.

I almost scoffed.

I opened my mouth to respond, but he interrupted me.

"We won’t do anything you haven’t consented to or that makes you uncomfortable"

I frowned.

"Of course I know that, Az. It’s just that I doubt this will work" I responded, smoothing out my dress a little.

It wasn’t entirely a lie. Though that wasn’t the main reason. It all boiled down to the fact that doing this with him made me nervous.

"It will" he reassured me. "Rhys and I have evaluated all the scenarios. We are the most credible for this plan. Just trust me"

I nodded, though I couldn’t shake the slight anxiety of having him so close.

The shadow from before wrapped around my arm, making me smile again. Even though the touch was cold, it didn’t feel strange, so I didn’t fear playing with it with one of my fingers, not realizing I was practically brushing Azriel’s wing membrane until I noticed his shiver and the way his breath escaped him. I quickly pulled my hand away and looked at him only to find him with his eyes shut and the rest of his shadows slightly agitated.

"I’m sorry, Az" I apologized. "I’m so sorry"

I knew how reserved the Illyrians were about their wings and how they shouldn’t be touched, so his silence only increased the unease brewing inside me.

"It’s fine" he replied slowly after a moment. "It’s nothing" but I could see him swallowing hard.

I bit the inside of my cheek but said nothing more.

"We should go now" he spoke after a moment.

I nodded and took one of his hands, preparing to pretend I was in love with him, according to that stupid plan. When in reality, I would stop pretending I wasn't, for a moment.

That was what terrified me—letting my feelings out and not being able to hide them again after tonight.

But there was no turning back now.

"Ready?"

No.

"Yes" I responded with the steadiest tone I could muster.

He gave me a deep look before I felt the shadows envelop us, and soon the room lit up, leaving us at the entrance of the grand hall of the Autumn Court.

Then, I let go of one of his hands and gently brought it to his cheek, trying to convey my intentions. He held my gaze for a second before bending obediently, giving me the opportunity to leave a chaste kiss on his lips.

The sensations exploded inside me, but I held back. This was a mission, I reminded myself. So why did his hand immediately curve around my waist?

This is just a mission, I repeated.

I pulled away a moment later, smiling softly at him. Before we both straightened up.

I supposed we had made it quite clear that we were together by kissing in front of all these people. I made sure to do it at the entrance so everyone would see, and I guessed Az understood too by the slight squeeze he gave my hand.

I looked at him one last time, letting a bit of my love for him escape. And then I turned towards the crowd, with a bright smile.

All right, the game had begun.

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[i-love-your-shadows-baby]

Issues

Azriel x Reader

Notes: Elain bashing because Nesta is better. This is my first ever fic, so I know that it is rushed and choppy.

**Angsty, implied sex, language**

Living in Velaris, or 'The City of Starlight' as most call it, is a dream. I've been here going on 200 years. I moved from Autumn court when I made good friends with Rhysand, High Lord of the Night Court. I've loved every second of my life here. The 50 years without Rhys were tough, but of all the places to be trapped...

I felt horrible trying to be happy while Rhys was enslaved to she who may not be named. Vile bitch she was, but now he is back. With his mate in tow no less. I am so incredibly happy for him. He deserves every second with her. I know how it feels to find your mate. Rhys introduced me to mine. His very own Spymaster, Azriel. The most beautiful man to ever walk, fly, talk, breathe. The perfect mate who never lets a day go by without letting me know how cherished I am. He is also my anchor. The power that I wield within me is a raging fire that I am still struggling to control. The fire fuels my emotions which can get out of hand fast if I don't get myself in check. One touch from my mate though, I'm instantly soothed. His shadows wrap around me like a soft, cooling blanket.

Unfortunately, with recent events, my poor mate has had to do this regularly. With Rhys sending him on extremely dangerous missions where he comes home tired and bloody to Elain, Feyre's sister, flirting with him right in front of me. I'm not jealous, but the fucking disrespect is enough to enrage me. One night though.... I had had enough.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was in the library with Nesta reading. We liked to read books and gush over them later. Specifically, scenarios we would like to play out with our oh so willing mates. I paused when I felt a pull on the bond letting me know Az was back from his recent mission.

"To be continued." I sang to Nesta who just nodded her head in acknowledgement and kept reading.

*Where are you my love?* I sent down the bond. *In the garden* He sent back.

I all but ran to the garden. I had missed my mate dearly. Nesta and I's previous conversation not helping the situation at all.

When I stepped into the garden, I saw Azriel with a small, thoughtful smile on his beautiful face. A flower behind his ear, but not just any flower. A red camellia. The same flower that decorated our bed the night we consummated our bond. The flower that represents our love.

Thinking he was reminiscing about us, I made my way slowly to try and surprise him (it's the thought that counts, you can't sneak up on a Spymaster, let alone a Shadowsinger.) His shadows were immediately swirling around me in greeting. When I drew closer, hidden behind the ornate fountain was Elain. She was holding the red camellias in her hands that were extended towards Azriel. I know he knew the meaning behind that flower, and I'm well aware she did too.

Burning rage took over me at the look on her face. Completely infatuated with my mate with those damned flowers in her hand. How dare she make a move like this on my mate. She has Lucien to ogle over and give flowers to. Where the fuck was he? The shadows sensing my irritation started swirling faster with a slight vibration.

I closed in on them and Azriel felt my fury through the bond as a hiss left my mouth. He turned to me wide-eyed, confused as to why I was so furious. That just seemed to piss me off more. The shadows were trying to sooth me, but failed. My hands were shaking, trying to leash my power that was begging to be let out. Begging to blast this bitch where she stood.

"Hey kitten, what got you so worked up?" Azriel said worriedly using the pet name I loved so much.

I was too focused on the flowers in his hands that he had accepted to respond. I looked up into his beautiful hazel eyes with a tight smile.

"What beautiful flowers, love," I said with every ounce of sarcasm I could muster up, "They express ones love and desire to another."

I reached for the flower behind his ear. His brows furrow slightly as I turn toward Elain. Her breath hitched; she knew she'd been caught. She looked slightly terrified. Good. "And just what the fuck do you think you're doing? What are you trying to achieve here?" Elain just stared at me. Not moving, not blinking. "Did you think you were smart? That I wouldn't know what the intent of giving these flowers is?" She still just stared at me. "ANSWER ME!!" I snarled at her. Elain yelped and looked to Azriel for help. I let out a low growl. My control slowly waning.

I felt Azriel's shock through the bond. I glanced over to him to see him looking between me, the flowers, and Elain. "Elain...." Azriel said hesitantly.

"I love you, Azriel!" Elain shouted, "I don't want to marry Lucien, I don't love him! I want you; I love you! Remember that night...that night you held me when I was crying about how unfair everything was? How I didn't ask for any of this! You consoled me and I felt something between us. I know that something is there! Just because you have a mate, doesn't mean you have to love them! I know that! I'm trying to make you see that too!" Elain fell to her knees crying.

What a sad, delusional, dramatic witch. Hearing her insinuate that there was something between them, that she could convince him to leave me was my breaking point. My control snapped. A roaring sound that I have never heard myself make before reached my ears as I lunged for her. She tripped and fell to the ground trying to get away. I grabbed her hair and yanked her head back to look at me. "I am going to kill you. You are absolutely fucking delusional. You know that? To think my mate would actually leave me for you?!? YOU?!? You're not pretty enough to be that fucking stupid." Azriel tried to touch me, but my skin was searing hot. His shadows weren't having any luck either. I could smell Elain's hair burning in my grasp. My other hand was going for her throat. I was going to watch my hand slowly burn through her neck until she was no longer living.

Right before my hand made contact, I felt Azriel wrap himself around me. His giant wings pushing Elain away, her hair still attached to my hand. I started thrashing in his hold, and my bloodlust not yet quenched. I kept thrashing until I felt a searing pain through the bond. I was hurting him... My skin was so hot that I was burning him! I immediately stopped and turned into him. His face was scrunched up in pain, burns on his arms and chest.

"Azriel....Az...Oh my...what fuck did I do...Az...I- I'm so sorry" Tears flooded my vision as I looked at him. My mate. My beautiful mate. My mate, who dislikes fire because of what it could do...what it DID to him... He was already starting to heal, but the damage was done. I told him he'd never have to worry about my fire, that I would never hurt him. Not after he told me what happened when he was just a child. But here we are...In that exact situation.

I hated myself. Hated how I let this stupid power control my emotions so strongly. My hands shook as I reached out to touch him. "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry...I-I didn't mean to...I hurt you...Oh god, I'm so sorry!"

"Shhh, it's okay. I'm here, I'm fine. Baby, shhh, I'm fine. " Azriel tried to console me, but I didn't deserve that. I shouldn't be so easily forgiven. I know I'll never forgive myself. I tried to step away, but he grabbed me and brought me into his chest. Arms wrapped tightly around me, burns completely healed. I was sobbing and shaking in his arms. Babbling 'I'm sorrys' mind completely empty besides the fact that I hurt him. Azriel picked me up, and we disappeared into the shadows. Leaving Elain by herself.

He took us to our bedroom. I felt him sit on our bed. I moved to straddle him, put my face on his shoulder, and held him. He put his hands on my hips and rubbed his thumbs in circles to sooth me. It had never gone that far before. I've never snapped like that. I was too ashamed to lift my head and look at him.

He shifted under me. "Baby....kitten, look at me..." Not being in the right head space to deny him, I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. They were so filled with love but also concern. Seeing that made the tears come again. "Hey, hey, none of that, okay. I'm fine, we're fine." He whispered. His hands as well as the shadows were caressing me.

"I'm sorry, Az. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. I promised you that I would never...I promised that you would never feel my fire." "I know, kitten. You didn't hurt me. I'm fine, see?" Azriel held his arms out, "All fine, now... I know Elain gets to you sometimes, and I know the meaning of the flowers. What I don't know is what made you erupt like that." I bit my lip and looked back down. His fingers caught my chin and lifted my gaze to his.

"Kitten...." I knew that tone, knew that I needed to listen. "We accepted our mating bond with those flowers. We made love on a bed with the petals of that flower underneath us. Our house is decorated with those flowers. They symbolize our love, our bond. Seeing her give you those flowers and you accepting them....It made me...I didn't want you to start thinking of her when you saw them. Now you definitely will because this mess. It's stupid, I know."

"It's not." Azriel interrupted, "It's not, but kitten, you were the only thing that I was thinking about when she handed me those flowers. About our bond and our month-long mating frenzy." he got a twinkle in his eye and smirked at the ping of arousal he felt shoot through me at the thought of all the ways he took me during our frenzy. All the things he and his shadows made me experience.

"It may have looked different from an outsiders' point of view, and it took me a second to react to everything. I was so shocked by the fury I felt through the bond." I leaned my forehead against his. "I'm sorry." I breathed. "I'm really going to try and get better at controlling how much my power affects my emotions. I'll see someone if I have to. I don't want anything like this happening again."

Azriel hummed in agreement. A strange look taking over his face. "We will figure that out later. Right now, Rhys is requesting our presence." I gulped and looked at him. "I don't know if I can face him right now. I'm still a little too worked up." I gave my mate a heated stare. "Think you can fuck it out of me before we see him?"

He chuckled darkly, his shadows already untying my dress. "Oh kitten, I'm going to do so much more than that."

[bookofmirth]

The one thing about the mask though is that the Night Court also doesn't have a right to make the decision either (and arguably shouldn't be the only ones in possession of such weapons). I see so many people saying that Nesta was being disrespectful of the IC by not consulting with them, but even if she did and they came to the conclusion to give it away, then the NC would still be in the wrong.

It opens such a big can of worms. You'd have to literally bring everyone in to make a decision including other HLs, Hybern, the leaders of the continent, etc in order to make that call even justifiable bc the NC wouldn't be the only one screwed over if things went wrong. And we all know how politics go... it'd take like a full century for things to be decided lol.

I'm also not arguing this therefore makes Nesta right to just give it up. But the matter is soo much more complex than Nesta should have talked to Rhys and Feyre first.

Oh I totally agree, that's why I never mentioned the IC specifically as being the people that Nesta should have consulted. This is a much, much bigger issue than just the Night Court's ego. It would make sense for her to consult them, considering they are the High Fae that she knows best in the world and they have a lot of world/political/magical experience, but it's not like they ever trusted her. There was also a sense of urgency when Bryce came through. But - like you said, and the reason I said it being an astronomical mistake is not a metaphor - the repercussions are much, much bigger.

I do think that including the other courts in this decision isn't likely because they are all very territorial and possessive. They all have a "my court comes first" attitude. Which... I get. They can't even get their crap together right now to face Koschei. I can't imagine the other courts learning info about other worlds and being able to come to a consensus about Made objects and how to handle Bryce wanting the mask, in a timeframe that wouldn't fuck Midgard over completely.

That's kinda beside the point of Nesta's role, but tl;dr I agree with you! I think that centering the IC and their feelings in what she did is... an odd choice, considering it's not all about them.

The whole thing feels very shoulda, coulda, woulda - but Nesta was faced with a choice, Bryce was in a hurry, and Nesta did what she did. None of the rest of them were faced with that same choice, so it's quite easy to judge Nesta after the fact.

And just to make some things clear, I have actually never been a huge Nesta fan. She's a really interesting character, but she has made me angry so many times. That fight she and Elain have in acosf, where Nesta throws Greyson in Elain's face and insinuates that Elain is to blame for their father's death? Fuck Nesta specifically in that situation.

However - Nesta has changed a lot from the beginning to acosf, through everything that happens in hofas. A lot. If I knew Nesta irl, I would not be her friend. I would honestly react the way that Mor does - I'd try to be nice, Nesta would be mean to me, and then I'd shrug and say okay fuck you too. But Nesta as a character has experienced a lot of growth and change, and while I do think that not reading hofas means acotar fans might not see that right away, I am excited for everyone to see it in the future.

With this fandom it's either the ship war or it's the IC versus Valkyries war or it's pitting the sisters against each other. Just let us have nuanced fucking takes, ffs. (not you anon, I am just ranting)

[gwandas]

Maybe I'm a little more optimistic (or stupid?) but I feel like Sarah might be building up to a brief separation for Nessian where Cassian has to choose between her and Rhys. There are some theories about her ruling over the Dusk territory and the Valkyries residing there. I feel like living away from Rhys would be good for both of them.

Like I just don't think Sarah hates Nesta while giving her so much and basically any new person who meets her likes her and has nice things to say about her. And Cassian not saying I love you to her, not sticking up for her or at least trying to deescalate the situation is VERY weird. Like she has so many people where the guy is always 100% behind his mate. Dorian and Manon (kind of a weird pairing for me, ngl) are not even together and I'm 100% sure he would stick by her if she decided to go on a random killing spree for sport.

I understand Cassian has known Rhys basically his whole life, but that's your mate, man... wake tf up. I don't need him to pick a fight with every person who sneezes in her direction, but some support in front of everyone would be nice.

Once again I feel like Elain will be the only ACOTAR lady that will get a decent man. Sarah will have to work really hard and retcon absolutely everything we know about Lucien to make him an asshole.

What you just laid out is what my realistic, best case scenario is. I'm not holding my breath for a Nessian breakup (even if I do think he should go die in a ditch) but I was assuming it would get better/healthier once they were finally together. The HOFAS bonus chapter makes me hopeful or hopeless depending on how optimistic I'm feeling that day.

I fully agree with you in the sense that I cannot interpret that BC another way. Narratively speaking, why SJM would double down on Nesta's conflict with the IC other than as set up for something like her leaving, forcing Cassian to choose, etc? It's such an insane decision to have the first glimpse of mated Nessian in three years be... that, only for it to be meaningless in the end. But all that hinges on the assumption that SJM is a logical writer who remembers to tie up loose ends and doesn't retcon stuff willy nilly -- and that's where all my pessimism lies... in her writing tendencies. I think it's telling that when Bryce goes to return the Mask, Cassian is there and all seems fine, which makes me think it's just going to get brushed under the rug. It could go either way!

I think SJM has a love-hate relationship with Nesta -- she thought Nesta deserved whatever the fuck ACOSF was but you are right she loves her now that she's been "redeemed." Loves her enough to let her keep her powers/control of the Trove, give her Gwydion, give her the star connection with Bryce and make her the focus of the crossover. It's even more telling to me how many fans try to downplay all of that too. Wanting other characters to have the Trove/Gwydion, claiming the crossover was meaningless or that Azriel was more important than her - all desperate efforts to gaslight themselves into believing Nesta's story is over. Ultimately, those theories wouldn't exist if those fans didn't believe all the things Nesta has are important.

At this point I just want to know what the next book is because that's going to determine whether or not I should give up on Nesta ever getting a happy ending. Nessian is 10000% endgame, I know that, I just want to believe in it is all.

[ae-neon]

I have so many unpopular opinions!

I don't believe you necessarily have to be a terrible person to get blocked. I blocked an anti-Feysand (my people) just because she hated Nesta too and kept posting anti/critical posts of her.

Tamlin is literally not that bad. Anything he's done, the faves have done it more and done it worse, laughed about it over wine, never apologized for it, and patted themselves on the back for it.

Feyre being locked in a literal mansion where her every need was met to protect her is so unserious to me. Like honestly, I get where SJM was going with it, and I get all the other stuff, but THAT I roll my eyes at. The girl spent half her life (or three years, depending on which piece of canon you prefer) putting herself in danger just to scrape by with no one saving or protecting her. She spent the last three months going through horrifically dangerous and traumatic shit with no one to save or protect her. The idea that someone she loves says "don't go into danger, stay here in the lap of luxury not worrying about anything for a few months while I make sure our court is safe" gave her claustrophobic PTSD but almost getting trapped when stealing the Book of Breathings didn't? Recreating UtM in the Hewn City didn't? The Weaver's Cottage didn't? As someone who used to be homeless and starved on more than one occasion, I'd personally take temporary imprisonment in a mansion where I knew my next meal was guaranteed and people were there who cared about me anything else (and can we all realize that it very much was temporary? Tamlin was worried about things that he was ACTIVELY trying to take care of so he and Feyre DIDN'T have to worry about anymore).

Even GOOD people on this side of the fandom go too far with all the abuse talk. I've seen maybe four blogs telling people to dial it back. There is no way to make a supernatural fantasy story not "abusive" by our standards. We talk about it too much. Certain things (SA, grooming & manipulation, all of ACOSF), yes! All of the deep explorations of Calanmai and SA? Dial it back!

I have so many more but this is getting too long. I just really feel like I'm the only one with sense my line of thinking in this fandom (that was a joke if it wasn't clear).

Hello anon

I actually agree with wanting to pull off the abuse label on certain situations. I'm tired of moral grandstanding to justify why I like who I like Vs who I don't like.

It's fine to point out when doing critical analysis but why are we alwaaaays analysing. I don't want to sound anti intellectual but while it is that deep, we don't always have to engage at that level.

Maybe I just don't like Rhys not cause he's clearly an abusive manipulator but cause he's boring? He's just incompetent and I find that unattractive? Maybe I don't care that Cassian needs therapy, I just don't like his aesthetic? Frankly I think that should be reason enough.

Feyre locked away in the mansion is so real. It's not like she was torn away from her preferred property like Nesta. Like you're in your own house, just for the day, until he comes back and you can tell him to fuck off.

And of course nothing else in the next weeks where she was manipulated into humiliating or life-threatening situations would also trigger her PTSD. It's subjective. As subjective as SJM decides to make it.

According to SJM herself, her faves trauma is just not that deep. It disappears in weeks. It only ever comes up to remind the readers not to pick anyone else's side in an argument where SJM is losing against her own characters.

[acourtofthought]

I don't understand why everyone always says Azriel needs a year or so before starting something with Gwyn. Chaol didn't need a year and he was also in a bad state before Yrene came.

He doesn't see Gwyn as more than someone he trains, isn't so hung up on what she could give him and is able to see her as Gwyn, not mate material. That gives him the chance to form a healthy relationship with Gwyn and have the chance to finally move on from Mor. Same situation with Chaol- Celaena- Yrene.

Why give him a year? I don't think he'll change so easy by not seeing any girl for a long time. Just like Nesta was given such a long time to heal, nothing changed for her.

Gwynriel starting from ground zero is perfect for both Azriel and Gwyn because they'll be able to see each other as people. They'll be able to form a simple friendship, which will turn out to something far more.

If Azriel came into the training pit and already thinking of how lovely she is, how she could be his mate and then have some sexual thoughts then yes, someone would need to keep him from meeting any girl because wtf?

But anyway. Given that in acosf El/riel stopped talking to each other for 3 months and then include the 6 months that leads to the crossover and then a few months after the crossover (before acotar 5), it pretty much has already been a year.

I think the reason people say this is because of Azriel's history with Mor and now Elain and the fact that no SJM MMC has had anything quite like it.

Chaol and Celeana were in love, but they really only knew one another for a year or so and dated for a short period of time.

Az has been fixated on one woman for over 500 years. Fixated to an unhealthy degree. And he never truly processed and dealt with his unrequited love and feelings of rejection before transferring a lot of that over to Elain (and for the wrong reasons).

I'm not sure how scientific it is but some people subscribe to the theory:

“I try and go by the 6-month rule, which says that for most of us to fully heal, it usually takes around 6 months for every year we are with someone,” Peacock says.

Now I'm sure there's a cap to that, Az isn't going to take 250 years to get over Mor 😂. But it does make sense that his situation is much different than what Chaol's was and there's a lot more baggage for him to unpack and deal with before moving on to his endgame person. He's got a bit of an issue with obsessing over women in his life and it would look healthier for him to have a larger timeframe where he's not focused on any female before he's jumps into something new.

I think though, that SJM usually writes a character getting over their past love before moving on to their endgame in a fairly believable way. So regardless of whether Elucien is next (giving Az more time to really and truly get over Mor and be on his own for a bit without obsessing over a female) or Gwynriel is actually next, I'm sure it will be done in a way that we will be happy with.

[hellas-himself]

Where There Are Shadows pt 32

so. two things. 

I am absolute Elriel trash. But I am also here for Elucien, but since this is Feyrhycien, we’re going with Elriel. 

I’m on and off with Nessian. I eat it up when I read fics on here, but when I read the books I remember how she treats everyone and it irks my soul. But I love her in my own way. 

So with that being said, happy hump day. 

.

.

.

-Feyre-

 Elain was a giggling mess as I buttoned up the back of her dress. It was perhaps as Night Court as I would ever see my sister. It was similar to the dress I’d worn the night Rhys and I had invited Lucien to dinner at the House all those months ago, except hers was not backless and wherever there was skin exposed, she’d had it altered to at least a sheer panel of fabric which somehow made it that more alluring.

“You might just give Azriel a heart attack,” I said when I finished and we stared at her reflection in the mirror.

“If he didn’t pass out yesterday, I think he’ll be fine,” she said as she began to fret over her hair. “You’d think they’d announce themselves when they arrive.”

I snorted. Elain and I had been up on the patio sunbathing yesterday morning and when I realized all three males had finally come back from the Steppes, we’d run inside in our towels. Rhys could not have been happier, but Az…

“I can’t believe you walked right up to him and said hello before disappearing into your room.”

“It’s not like he was going to!”

I helped her pin some of her hair back.

“Elain Archeron, where is your modesty!”

She laughed.

“I must have lost it outside in the garden.”

“Maybe Az found it and has it in his pocket.”

“I’ll have to ask him for it, then.”

Gods, this ease in which Elain and I could talk to one another… We had never had this. I hated that Nesta was missing out on it. On seeing Elain break free of her shell and doing things solely because they made her happy, not because they were expected of her. And my goal was to give Elain a night she would never forget.  

All eyes were on Elain when we made it downstairs, Cassian whistling as she walked by. Amren was quick to come admire the gold bracelet inlaid with pink stones while Rhys showered us both with compliments. Varian raised his glass at her from where he sat.

When we sat down, Cassian was kind enough to bring us some wine.

“Shame Az isn’t here for dinner,” Cas said with a sigh, making Rhys roll his eyes.

“Feyre and I are going out today,” Elain declared. I noticed that she searched the room but did not find who she was looking for. If she was disappointed she didn’t say anything.

“You’re all dressed up like that and you’re not even having dinner with us?” Cassian asked, genuinely surprised. Elain blushed.

“No,” I said. Cassian looked disappointed.

“But you and Rhys could walk us to where we’re going,” Elain kindly offered to which Cassian happily accepted. 

.

“Have you ever been here before?” Rhys asked, looking at Elain as she shook her head.

Cas had his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.

“I’ve never been here before either,” he whispered.

“Mor suggested it,” I replied and he sighed.

“That explains it.”

I poked his side as we approached the two fae standing before a set of double doors. Arm in arm, Rhys led Elain inside, Cas and I following. The owner of the venue greeted us personally before guiding us upstairs to the private area I had requested.

“Feyre!” Elain exclaimed, letting go of Rhys to pull me away from Cas. She led me to a painting that hung on the wall.

“So that’s where Mor put it,” I muttered, feeling my face get warm. It was a painting of Velaris from my point of view up at the House of Wind.  

“It is an honor to have your work here, my Lady,” the owner said.

“Thank you,” was all I could manage to say. Elain laughed at me for it.

Rhysand went to speak with the owner and soon, we were left to our own devices. We walked its gilded halls hand in hand, admiring the paintings and the chandeliers that hung from the ceiling. We’d had this once, even if I did not remember much of it. But what little good I’d had as a child, Elain was there.

“What are you smiling about?” she asked as I held out my hand to continue on.

“I like seeing you happy.”

The sound of music grew louder the closer we got to the doors at the end of the hall.

“It sounds like a ball,” Elain mused, her eyes sparkling with delight.

Cassian and Rhys did us the honors of opening the doors for us.

And it was better than I had imagined.

Standing beneath a canopy of flowers and fae light was Azriel, who looked as if he had just finished decorating the room. My sister gasped, eyes wide. There were two long tables covered in trays of food, and a table solely for drinks. The quartet played from the dais on the far end of the room which was as large as a ball room. It was just as grand as the rest of the building, boasting a large chandelier and floor to ceiling windows that gave us a beautiful view of Velaris.

“Feyre… What did you do?”

“I may have let slip that tonight was very important.”

Her eyes widened.

“Just go to him,” I whispered, giving her a gentle nudge. As she made her way over, a smile blossomed on Azriel’s face that was so devastatingly beautiful I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to capture it perfectly.

“What is all this?” she asked Azriel, bringing her hands to his chest as she admired the detail on his waist coat. He took her hands in his and kissed them.  

“Happy birthday,” he said softly.

Her laughter was melodious.  

“Azriel… It’s beautiful.”

Whatever he said to her was lost on me as everyone walked in, complimenting the room and how both Elain and Azriel were dressed.

“Am I the only one who didn’t know about this?”

Cassian wrapped an arm around me.

“Elain didn’t know.”

“I resent that.”

I leaned into him.

“You’ll forgive me.”

“Really?”

I nodded, watching Elain admire the flowers with Az. Mor looked in awe of the room and was chatting away with Amren while Varian approached them with drinks. Guests from all over arrived, those who had come to know Elain and wanted to share this night with us.

“I’ll be right back,” I said to Cas. “Rhys is looking a little lonely.”

Cassian laughed as I walked off to where Rhysand was standing, taking everything in.

“You pulled it off,” he said with a smile.

“With a lot of help.”

“You look exquisite, Feyre.”

I blushed. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

His laughter warmed my heart. The way he looked at me never ceased to give me butterflies, to make me feel altogether vulnerable and safe. 

Elain danced with nearly everyone, even Rhysand. Those two did nothing but laugh the entire time, especially when they saw me watching. When Azriel swept her off her feet, quite literally, we all tried to pretend we weren’t watching them dance. But I had the feeling they saw no one else but each other.

As the party began to wind down, we found Cassian handing Elain a small glass. She eyed him with a determination that reminded me of Nesta, of me. And she drank the whole thing and held the glass out for more.

And so began their game.

They tried racing one another back to the townhouse, but that ended with Cassian slipping and Elain stopping to laugh at him. Cassian goaded the rest of us into his little game, until we were all drunk. When Elain beat Cas in finishing her drink, we all applauded. Az was watching her with a little smile on his face, not as drunk as the rest of us, but enough to not care that we saw him smiling as he looked at her.

When the time came for presents, she thanked us all individually as we passed them to her. A pair of earrings from Rhys, a set of gardening tools from Cas. Amren and Varian had given her flowers from the Summer Court to be sent to the greenhouse, which left her beaming.

The room went still as Elain opened Azriel’s gift.

“Azriel, this is too much.” She held up the little gold necklace by the blue stone that hung from it. Her eyes met his and then she was smiling as she rose to her feet. “Put it on for me.”

Azriel went to stand behind her, and the way his fingers brushed across her skin reminded me of how Rhys used to be with me, in the beginning. I wasn’t sure why I remembered the first time he’d helped me into fighting leathers but when I looked at Rhys, he was grinning like the insufferable prick that he was. I rolled my eyes, before looking away to find the Elain hugging Az, leaving him blushing.

And then came my gift.

“Just once, Elain. If you hate it, I’ll give you the back up present.”

“A back up present?” she asked, lifting the little top I’d had made for her. It was like every other Night Court outfit Rhys had ever given me, but hers was a deep blue, almost black. Little silver beads hung from the hem of the top. The pants had a silver chain that hung loose on the hips, both pant legs made of the sheer fabric I’d come to cherish in this summer heat. With a giggle, she took Cassian’s drink from his hand and finished it, excusing herself from the room.

When she walked back, I think we all held our breath. These clothes, they were made for a figure like hers. She was blushing as she went to sit between Cassian and Mor again. She’d never shown this much skin before, but I suppose after our little incident yesterday, this was nothing.

And then, Mor passed her a little pink bag, a bag I knew far too well thanks to Rhysand and Lucien. My sister peeked inside and turned red in the face.  

“I think I sent Az the matching set when we got here, but honestly, any of these three might have it on their dresser,” Mor said with a hiccup, pointing to Cassian and Rhys. “Whoever has it, make sure it makes its way to Azriel.”

But Az didn’t even seem bothered, even as we all laughed. If anything, there was a light in his eyes that I had never seen before.

“Az,” Elain said as she held up the scraps of lace long enough that I knew he was able to discern what they were, before she returned them to their bag. “I think I dropped my modesty outside in the garden. Feyre said you may have found it.”

The room went quiet as their eyes met and if this was how Rhys and I made everyone else feel, I almost felt bad.

“You left it on the desk in my office. I’d been waiting for you to come back so that I might return it,” he said so seriously that we all stared at him until he and Elain burst into laughter.

By the end of the night, Az was passed out on the sofa, Elain curled up beside him. Mor was snoring and Rhys was stuck beneath his cousin who had rested her head on his lap.

“I have to do one more thing, then I’ll come save you,” I whispered to him. He smiled, waving me off. He alone had helped me with this last part of the night. But he had felt his brother would not have accepted it from anyone else.

I had expected to find Cassian passed out on the bed, but he was wide awake, eyeing me from where he stood, tying up his hair.

“You finally get the room to yourself,” I said softly. He chuckled.

“He’ll wake up and come push me off.”

I walked in the room and made my way towards him. I knew I looked suspicious, especially with my hands behind my back.

“I doubt it.”

He raised a brow. “What are you up to?”

“Well, I discovered something I felt that the Lord Commander needed to know.”

His sudden seriousness nearly made me laugh.

“I need you to know, Cassian, that you are by far one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. And I need you to know that I love you.”

I held out the little box to him. He looked too stunned for words.

“I can’t go back in time and grace your life with my presence every year,” I said, which finally made him laugh. “But I’m here now. And no one gets away with hiding their birthday from me. Ever.”

“Feyre…”

“I know it was a few days ago, but I hadn’t found anything that screamed your name at me.”

“It’s usually a female doing that,” he said as he took the box from my hand.

“Now you know why I never visit your house.”

We both laughed. He undid the ribbon and set the lid aside.

“What’s this?”

“I’m not sure if it fits, but we can fix that if it doesn’t.”

He held up the gold band, the obsidian stone glimmering in the fae light. It was simple, but there was something about it that told me he needed to have it.

“No one’s ever given me anything like this.” His voice was nearly a whisper. Was he going to cry?

“Try it on.”

He let me slide the ring on his finger. It fit perfectly.

“Thank you, Feyre. I don’t really know what to say.��

“You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know that it matters. That you matter. That every year that we get to have you in our lives, is something worth celebrating.”

I wasn’t expecting to see tears in his eyes. But there they were. I pulled him into a hug which made him laugh.

“I love you, Feyre.”

“I know,” I said with a laugh. “I love you, too.”

“I forgive you, by the way.”

I giggled. “Told you.”

By the time I went downstairs to get Rhys, he was already asleep. He didn’t stir until I’d managed to move Mor to the other side.

His eyes fell on me, red and glassy.

“There you are,” he said. “My salvation.”

Rhys got to his feet and chuckled when he almost lost his footing. Once he was ready to walk, I led him up the stairs, but he missed a step and pulled me down with him. We tried not to laugh, but then when I tried to stand up, Rhys pulled me to his lap. His kiss was greedy, and his wandering hands were going to get us in trouble.

“Rhys,” I whispered. “We can’t have sex on the stairs.”

“Why?” he asked as he kissed my neck.

“Everyone is here.” He stopped, and I felt this sudden panic down the bond.

“Not everyone,” he said quietly, looking at me with such sadness, I would have winnowed us right to the Day Court if I knew we’d make it there in one piece. “Lucien isn’t here.”

I kissed Rhysand with as much fervor as he’d kissed me.

“Lucien wouldn’t fuck you on the stairs in front of everyone. He’d wait till everyone was in their room.”

“He would,” Rhys said with a big smile as I pulled him to his feet.

“When he comes back home, we’ll have plenty of new stairwells you two can make use of. For now, we have the bed. Now walk.”

.

Being hungover was never enjoyable. It was even less so, walking into a small bar in the early hours of morning, wishing that I hadn’t made this arrangement. But I’d already walked out here and I had to get it over with.

Nesta was sitting in the back, as she always did. She looked as bad as I felt. And yet, her eyes still held nothing but resentment when she saw me approach. I knew I probably still had Rhys’ scent all over me, but Lucien’s too, as I was wearing his shirt that I’d found at the bottom of the drawer. And when she sniffed at me when I neared the table, I almost saw red. I would never judge her for the males I knew left her apartment, the one I could scent on her now. It was none of my business, as long as no one hurt her, just like who I slept with was none of her business. Even if her gaze told me exactly what she thought of that.

“I was beginning to think you’d make me walk to your house.”

I sat down, reaching into my pocket to hand her the folded note for the rent. There might have been surprise in her eyes as she took it.

“For this, you could have sent it with the courier.”

“For what? So you could send it back without even bothering to read it?”

I saw the anger in her eyes but I was too tired to let it unsettle me. I was hungry. And I wanted to go back home to be there when Elain woke up to find herself in Azriel’s arms on the sofa beneath the blanket Cassian had so kindly draped over them.

“I don’t see how that was any of your concern.”

“You missed her birthday.”

“I had no reason to be there.”

“You could have gone to the townhouse to see her.” I knew my voice was harsher than I had meant it to be. “You could have written a note. She misses you, Nesta.”

“Your little party was all anyone talked about last night, I’m sure that her evening was perfect without me.”

“You could not be more wrong.”

She glared at me for a time.

“Are we done?”

“No,” I said. “The house is almost finished. We’re inviting everyone over once we’re settled in. I want you to be there.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my sister. What other reason do I need to want you around?”

She rose to her feet. She was wearing someone else’s shirt and a pair of pants that might have been mine once but it was stained with wine and Mother knew what else.

“Forgive me for not wanting to be subject to the judgement of your family.”

“You are my family, Nesta.”

“Yes. The way mother was.”

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.

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@readingismycopingmechanism @fuzdog @gently-say-aha @highladyofherondale @alxanxah @city-of-fae @myfeyrelady @nuggets-and-mouthwash @feysanddotacotar @daeniran @szatti1001 @rhysandshighlady

If you’d like to be tagged, let me know!!​

[vidalinav]

How do you feel about Nesta's self-hatred?

When she considers herself to be a "hateful, horrible coward", during her time as a human and when Tamlin came to claim Feyre, do you think she is being too harsh on herself or not harsh enough?

You know, I think it's in character. I just don't like how it was executed with the rest of the text, which is a lot of my problem with this series. I should say also that it extends beyond my dislike, because I can get behind literally anything as long as it follows some sequence of events or outcomes.

The way Nesta's self hatred is used drives me insane, because, as I've said before, Nesta's thoughts are suppose to be irrational if as the text claims she's hit rock bottom and she's going through something she can't handle alone and that has just been building over the years. However, her thoughts should not be proven to be rational at any moment, otherwise Nesta is correct in feeling this way and her actions therefore are justifiable.

So what I mean by this is that, if Nesta thinks people are siding with Feyre because deep inside of her she feels unworthy of love and she feels guilty for past mistakes and she's also trying to push away accountability, then the reader should constantly be seeing that no one is siding with Feyre. That they in fact have Nesta's best interest at heart. That she is indeed worthy of love and that she's done nothing that can't be fixed (which also coincides with the IC’s own morals, experiences, and personal/group goals already established). But the problem is that the text basically has multiple times where the others show that they don't have Nesta's best interest at heart, that she is guilty of something and she's being held liable for it, and that if she doesn't claim accountability then her autonomy will be taken from her, in which she doesn't really get to decide whether she should be accountable or not. It's personally why I think this book even fails as being a redemption arc. Because good redemption requires that the person being redeemed makes their own decision to change, completely out of their volition. It's half-baked, if they were coerced. And Nesta not only doesn't change at all from what we know her as, holistically, she also doesn't even really have a complete freedom to do so.

From beginning to end, no matter what decision your talking about, the book was fucked the minute the situation of Nesta being coerced into the house and to do training and to work at the library was made. If you eliminate that, it doesn't matter if the IC have bad opinions of Nesta, those are only subjective. They only live in the characters' minds. But the minute those thoughts and opinions become something used to control another character, SJM not only fucked up Nesta's narrative, she messed up all of their narratives. Or made them vile if that was her goal. Because then you have Elain not having a choice. You have Feyre not having a choice. You have Mor not really having a choice, and it builds and it builds and it builds. You have to in some way see that the romance between Cassian and Nesta then isn't of their own freewill, and then what does that say about mate bonds? What choice is really made if it's coerced? What other rationalization are you going to make, when the evidence is not for what's claimed, but for the complete opposite? It's whiplash season and my only conclusion is that the IC are actually the villains of the narrative or that they are definitely not the heroes, at best they're ill equipped to handle any situation that involves the plot either by skill or mentality, that they're not morally righteous and maybe not really good... or that SJM doesn't know what she's writing. I'm more inclined to believe the latter.

TLDR: Nesta’s personal hatred makes sense. The rest of it, does not. So not only was Nesta tricked, so were you. 

[fktonofwhatnow]

ok hold on. acomaf is my fave book out of the whole series (it's mostly out of emotional value, i read it when i was younger and didn't have a real understanding out trauma and abuse only that i saw a character i loved getting out of a bad situation and getting happy) so obviously i didn't mind feysand being endgame and the development all of the characters had. i can accept tamlin turned out like that is realistic due to his trauma, i can accept feyre had to flee because it wasn't right for her, but the thing is after acofs i see no point to feyre leaving tamlin when rhysand ends up doing everything they told us tamlin was evil and unredeemable for. hiding the risks of her pregnancy, putting on shields on her, having feyre need to compromise over it. i honestly felt so betrayed by that. i'm not saying feyre and tamlin were good for each other, but it doesn't feel worth it to dismiss the potential they had for what we got with feysand.

also, sarah learn to treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge. no they don't need to learn to physically fight to fight it. no they don't need a love interest to overcome it. yes the behaviors acquired from trauma and abuse aren't pretty but that doesn't mean a person is undeserving of kindness and compassion.

i think i had a point somewhere but i can't get to it. so hope you don't mind my rambling. anyway i loved your meta about tamlin i think he deserves better too

HOLY SHIT THIS ONE IS SO GOOD OK IM SO EXCITED

Bro you are so fine, I'm the one who doesn't make any sense and I totally get what you're trying to say. (Acomaf was actually my favorite book in the series too ngl)

BUT FUCK YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT RHYSAND.

I don't think it's a secret that Rhysand is one of my least favorite characters in media, probably ever? (How do I even put this into words) He is a bad character and to me, laughably so. You know how if you've ever written a character, there's that little phase that's like "what if people don't like this character' and then you're sad for a little bit? That's how Rhysand feels to me. He feels like SJM looked at this character and thought "I can't stand the thought of people not liking this character because I love him so much" and then did everything in her power to make sure we know how great he is.

Idk if this is just me screaming into the void, but I get to this place with my characters where like, especially if they are a little more morally gray or their decisions have negative impacts, I understand that I don't need the audience to like my main character. they can stand on their own, they can own up to what they do and they can grow from it. Thats what a good character does. That's how you keep your audience rooting for them. You gotta knock them over sometimes.

SJm doesn't knock Rhysand over. She doesn't push him to make mistakes, apologize, own up and move on. Rhysand has never made a decision that ended poorly for him. Everything goes the way he wants it to, because SJm wants us to know how cool and great he is. People who are cool and great don't make bad decisions! SJm doesn't let Rhysand fail, and she doesn't let him suffer his own decisions. Everyone else suffers his decisions, not him.

Rhysand's reputation as a good person hinges entirely on the audience liking him and/or thinking he's hot. And then what happens when the audience thinks neither of those things? Ya get a rly long post like this by a lil enby who is mad all the time. Rhysand loses all credibility when you look at him through a critical lens. Not a single thing the man does makes any goddamn sense. Here I thought acosf would give us a different perspective on Feysand and I was desperately hoping that Nesta would tell us what she really sees in them and how people around them really feel, I hoped that SjM would throw us for a loop and tell us that hey, she does know that Feysand are fucking toxic as hell and ruin the lives of people around them and she wants to show us that from an outside perspective but noooOoOOOoOoOOOO...

Instead we get Nesta hating herself because Rhysand told her that she shouldn't tell Feyre that Feyre could uh die in childbirth. Hey what the fuck.

Now I don't actually ship feylin, I kinda always sorta knew, even without spoilers, that it wasn't going to work out. Tamlin isn't sjm's idea of a good partner because he's not charming and witty and dark and handsome ya know? We met Rhysand and I knew that I was going to fucking hate this romance. Which sucks because I found Rhysand so intriguing in the first book. Ngl all the time spent in the spring court was kinda boring and every time Rhysand showed up to throw dead faeries at Tamlin I was like "oooooo" and I wanted to know more about why Tamlin, this awkward, blunt and kinda shy dude had beef with this super duper sly and shady man from another court.

I don't know if I've ever said this before, but SJm doesn't let her love interests grow. Rhysand doesn't change over the course of the story because he was already a good guy and his motives were for Feyre's sake I swear, the same goes for Rowan in TOG. SJm doesn't give Rhysand room to change. She needs to get to the part where they fuck make sure everyone knows that Rhysand is a good guy and actually he was good all along so that we like him more than Tamlin. It backtracks on everything bad Rhysand has ever done because you know... He had a good reason! It's fine!

I know it's probably just because SJm doesn't actually know how to write a good character growth arc but... Like can you imagine if Rhysand stayed the bad guy? Or at least remained the bad guy through acotar and acomaf? And then when Rhysand comes to take Feyre for his bargain it really was only to spite Tamlin? What about Rhysand, taking Feyre to the night court with him once a week every month for a long time, if only to see Tamlin's eyes grow darker and emptier every time he goes, and then he really starts to fall in love with Feyre. He's been a monster all this time, angry and cold and cruel and then he actually starts to fall in love. And then to get Feyre to stay he really does try to change, he stops antagonizing Feyre, he stops throwing dead faeries at Tamlin, and he stops harassing the Spring court. He starts spending genuine quality time with Feyre, he starts to learn about her and all the things she likes and he stops trying to get her to come with him just so Tamlin will be mad. He starts asking her to come with him because he wants to be around her and he prays that someday she'll want to be around him too. What if SJm let him grow.

But nahhhhhh instead we have a character who always knows the right answer to things, and he always knows how to fix every issue, and he is always so innovative and outside the box except that he isn't. We get a character who does the same shit as Tamlin but it's ok because he had a good reason not to tell Feyre that she could very well die in childbirth. Uhhhh don't know what that is but uhhh I know he has his reasons because all he has are his reasons.

It would be so easy to hold a mirror up to Rhysand and say "look at this. Look who you are. Do you not look just like Tamlin right now?"

But nooooooooOoOOOo Rhysand doesn't get to be wrong. Rhysand doesn't get to look like Tamlin because Tamlin is evil and Rhysand is definitely NOT I SWEAR.

But yeah I think the point I'm trying to make is that Sarah thinks so highly of Rhysand that he could never do wrong. He could never be like Tamlin, despite the narrative literally telling us the exact opposite.

Like you said, we lost the potential of what feylin could have been if SJm didn't suddenly decide that her audience needs to love Rhysand as much as she does. I think feylin could have been slow and sweet and a story of true healing and learning about one another. I think it would have been kind and steady and lots of "are you ok"s and "I'm sorry"s and "talk to me"s. Everything about Feysand feels rushed and hard and fast and the rest of the world doesn't have time to catch up. It's fucking exhausting to read it ya know what I'm saying.

(also can we talk about Rhysand like dying and Feyre finding the suriel and learning he's her mate and then instead of being like "k let's put a pin in that and fuckin save his life first" she like throws him around and everyone is like "wtf woman" and she's like I neeD tO Be alOnE these people have no idea how to prioritize)

Truly, I think it's innocent to a degree. There is absolutely no harm in wanting people to like your character. The harm comes when you destroy another character with no reason or explanation other than you want people to like a different character. Villain arc? Completely out of left field. You gotta build to that shit or like... Make it so that when you look back you slap your forehead and yell at a wall "OF FUCKING COURSE I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT"

anyways, SJm treat "ugly" trauma with respect challenge SECONDED.

WELL IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME WEEKS YO WRITE IM HAVING A HARD TIME I know it probably doesn't make any sense I can't find my braincells BUT thanks for the ask @xelly

Tell me all your acotar things I love yo hear them !!

[acourtofthought]

Shipping Elucien

I really dislike the argument that it's wrong to ship Elucien because it's obvious that Elain wants nothing to do with him. And if this were a series where there was never any thoughts or emotions going on behind that which the character does or says, I'd agree with you.

Real life is a different story because we have nothing to go on in real life but a person's words. However, in fiction, there are layers and plots and hidden meanings so the same rules do not apply.

If we were truly basing things off the words alone, than we should have never shipped Feyre / Rhys and Nesta / Cassian:

FEYSAND

“What have you done to me?”

“Make it go away,” I said, and he laughed.

I hated him with my entire heart—

I wrenched my hand away. “Take me back. Now. I didn’t want to be stolen away.”

“Get the hell out of my head.”

“I wish to roam home.”

“I think we can agree that I owe you nothing, and you owe me nothing.”

“I’m ready to be taken home,” I merely said.

“I didn’t ask to be here, or be given that week.”

“Get your hand off me.”

NESSIAN

“Tell my sister and that new High Lord of hers to send someone else next time. "

He pushed, simply because he damn well couldn’t stop himself,

“And what do you deserve?”

A slow smile, indeed a plains-cat readying for the kill. Then,

“Certainly more than a bastard-born nobody.”

“Shut your mouth,” she snapped, every inch the conquering empress. “I told you to stay the hell away from me, and if you—”

(Feyre asking) “Why do you bother, Cassian?”

But Cassian said quietly as we headed for the dining room, “Because I can’t stay away.”

She’d made it clear enough in those initial days after that last battle that she wanted nothing to do with him. With any of them.

“I don’t want anything from you.”

“Stop following me. Stop trying to haul me into your happy little circle. Stop doing all of it.”

Even as she said, “I’ve made my thoughts clear enough on what I want from you.”

“What do you want?”

She made to shut the door on his hand.

Since Winter Solstice, they’d exchanged only a handful of words. Most had been at the barge party last month. They’d consisted of: Move. Hello, Nes. Move. Gladly. After months and months of nothing, of barely seeing her at all, that had been it.

She wore a male’s shirt. Worse, she wore only a male’s shirt.

We knew there was more going on beyond what was said. We could sense that their words and actions did not match up to what they felt inside.

Elucien is not any different. While I'm not here to dispute that the author could absolutely go the route of Elriel, Elucien, or something new entirely, her disinterest in Lucien at this time (based on every other pairing in her books) has no bearing on their ability to end up together.

She is not the same person as Feyre or Nesta. The argument of "Feyre and Nesta were angry towards Rhys and Cassian which = Passion" is not valid for Elain who avoids situations she's not ready to deal with rather than attacking them. So there is a very real possibility that while her actions express disinterest, her thoughts (which we are not privy to) could be an internal battle where she is fighting like hell to not let herself give in to getting to know Lucien. Not because she DOESN'T / couldn't like him but because she resents the fact that she IS drawn to him and stubbornly does not want to be, the same way Feyre and Nesta were with their mates.

[bookofmirth]

Hello Lele. Hope you're having a good day. I just wanted to ask what's your opinion on Feyre sending Nesta to the house of wind. I have seen people say that it's the same as Tam tam locking Feyre and while I don't agree with it I would love to know what you think

Yeah that's not the same. Not at all.

I can see why people think this, because sjm did not follow through on the self-destructive behavior that she had set Nesta up with in acofas. If she had, if we had seen Nesta go through withdrawal from alcohol or seen her craving more or dealing with that addiction, then I think it would be much easier for readers to understand that yes, going to the House of Wind was actually necessary for Nesta's sake.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - the fact that sjm equated Nesta's use of sex, and alcohol, and music alskdhjaklsjdklajsdkasd Fucking hell, NO. One of these things is not like the other and I cannot deal with the fact that someone let her write Nesta's behavior as if laying on the floor of her room and listening to some albums or dancing in the club was the equivalent of regularly drinking to oblivion. Just fucking no. It's been over a year and I'm still so annoyed that I can't fully articulate my thoughts on this.

With that said - I still don't think that these scenarios are the same because:

Nesta was not communicative. She cut her family off and was cruel when they tried to talk with her. She left them no choice but to force her into that conversation.

Nesta had a choice. She could have changed her behavior for the year or more that she was self-destructing. She should have changed her behavior, but instead Feyre and the IC enabled her. This is something I think the IC got wrong, enabling Nesta for so long.

Ostensibly, Nesta was taken out of one situation and put into another because her behavior was (supposedly) self-destructive. Whether she was actually self-destructive is another question based on what I said above, but the fact remains that Nesta was doing things that could have potentially harmed her.

And then in Feyre's situation:

Being in a romantic relationship puts different expectations on Feyre and Tamlin, than Feyre and Nesta had. Feyre was, for all intents and purposes, the Mom of the Archeron family and had that responsibility for years. Tamlin and Feyre were supposed to be partners, equals.

Feyre was openly communicative with Tamlin and told him what she needed. There was no reason for her to be distrusted or for her needs to be disregarded.

Feyre literally did not have a choice, she was physically locked in that house.

Tamlin locked Feyre in his house because of his own fear - it was not actually for Feyre's own good, it was 100% about Tamlin's need for control.

So yeah, if you look at the two situations, I can see how people might see both as:

I am doing this for your own good

BUT, in Feyre's case that was not true, she has all the High Lord's powers, she defeated Amarantha, she just wanted to be able to protect herself. Being locked in the Spring Court manor was in order to allay Tamlin's fears, not to actually protect Feyre.

Where with Nesta, there was actually potential harm to Nesta if they didn't step in. When they said "we are doing this for your own good", it was actually true in Nesta's case.

Again, if sjm had actually followed fucking through and shown the impact of alcoholism and substance abuse and we had seen the impact of those poor decisions on Nesta's wellbeing, then it would make much, much more sense how those two scenarios are different. Then it would be much easier for readers to understand why an intervention was necessary. I'm still annoyed as hell about how that was handled. But the intention between why Feyre and the IC did what they did, and why Tamlin did what he did, it's night and day. And I don't know how people don't see that, unless they try to argue that Nesta was doing just fine and dandy through the whole series and didn't need any sort of healing or help at all and it was totally fine for her to act the way she was.

[bookofmirth]

Due to your love for Lucien, I figured you could help me out since you probably know more about him than I do. I'm trying really hard to grapple with how a Lucien & Vassa story would unfold. Let's entertain the idea for a sec pretty please.

We know Vassa has to return to Koschei at some point. In the meantime, she's cursed with turning into a firebird by day and human by night. Either Koschei has to be dealt with at the beginning, which doesn't seem likely if he's indeed the final boss or at the end, in which Lucien & Vassa will share their POVs with Vassa being in bird form half the time, unless Sarah opts to only share Vassa's POV when she's human.

Lucien has ties to the Autumn Court, Human lands, Day Court & Night Court. That's a lot to unpack in one book which means some of these issues need to happen in ACOTAR5 to balance everything out and leave room for Vassa and Lucien to become a thing as well. Though it pains me to say this since I believe this issue deserves Lucien's POV, but is it possible the Autumn Court business could be handled in ACOTAR5?

Vassa doesn't have anything to really do with the Day Court so it's weird to see why she would leave the human lands. I suppose if Lucien's true parentage is revealed, he could ask her to tag along to see if daddy Helion can break her curse.

Omg, I totally forgot about the spring court. Yeah, that needs to be handled too and I'm not sure how Vassa will tie into it unless she's there for support. Lucien will still be dealing with the aftermath of the mating bond rejection (I think it's important we get his POV on it). Ugh and there's the problem with Vassa's mortality.

It's all soo confusing I feel like I'm being played. I genuinely believe there are people who ship these two but man, writing this all down and trying to make sense of it hurts my head. 😅

Hi!

The major issues that I see Lucien needing to deal with are:

His paternity/learning he's heir of Day or becoming HL?

The mating bond

Reconciliation or an apology with Tamlin - at the very least he needs to hand the reins back over.

As a side thing, I think he will help Vassa get free. But since Koschei has much bigger fish to fry than just Vassa, her becoming free seems more like a free gift with purchase. A bonus on the side of everyone defeating the Big Bad.

I think what you are getting at, overall, is why/how would a vucien/vassien/whatever plot make sense. tl;dr - it wouldn't. Not with everything that you have shown still needs to be dealt with. Of course sjm could pull a 180 and change everything, but...

I don't have anything against people who ship it. Ship whatever, I don't care. I just don't think it's likely to happen in canon. People have been into it since Lucien smiled that one time in acowar, but it's never been a big ship. I don't blame people for jumping on it if they feel like it would fit what they want, I just don't think anything will come of it!

Vassa has little to nothing to do with anything going on in Prythian, in any court, and so if she were to get a supporting character/love interest POV, what would it be? Her cheering other people on, people who do have a larger stake in those issues? She's human. She's one of the mortal queens. She has something going on with Jurian, from what we can tell, and Jurian is surely fed up with the fae. It makes sense for her to stay on the Continent and regain her queenhood and break her curse. None of those things would fit with Lucien, who is High Fae and immortal and eventually will be a High Lord on another land mass. Could it happen? Sure. Will it? I'd bet my original acotar hardcovers that it won't.

Re: the Autumn Court, it's possible that the issue with Beron is dealt with in the next book. The issue with Beron is political, not necessarily personal. That means that Azriel could do his spy thing, helping Eris, perhaps working out his issues with the Illyrians in the meantime (much in the same way that Nesta had to deal with, or started to, her feelings about her father).

But as a result of all of that conflict, the truth of Lucien's paternity could come out.

All of the stuff going on in Autumn only affects Lucien peripherally because he has zero plans of becoming HL of that court. It's kinda like watching other family members squabble over an inheritance you know you have no hope of getting. Amusing and it will affect you somewhat, but at the end of the day your life won't be any different. Until someone spills the beans à la Gossip Girl.

So that's the part that most affects Lucien in Autumn, the fact that Beron isn't Lucien's father. To me, it that would make more sense for him to deal with that having the third person close narration focus on Lucien, rather than having it tell us how someone else is watching the situation. If it is revealed in acotar5, then in acotar6 (when I think he will be the LI), we would watch him deal with that information.

That would also leave Vassa/Koschei for the last book. It would make sense for the HL stuff to get resolved before they have to deal with Koschei because I get the sense that all the High Lords are going to need to band together to defeat him. That will be kinda difficult when you have Eris standing in the background plotting Beron's demise. Just kill him in acotar5, then have everyone, including Eris as new High Lord of Autumn, come together to cooperate in acotar6.

I still don't see Vassa being a big part of that book as one of 2 main characters because Koschei's plans don't revolve around her, just like Azriel's entire life doesn't revolve around Elain. Even if there was an entire book dedicated to taking Koschei down, like I said, Vassa isn't the reason why they are doing that. She is just one of his unfortunate victims. There are bigger issues, like... the Dread Trove and the destruction of Prythian. Bigger issues than one mortal queen who was betrayed.

I do wonder if - hear me out - while more stuff about Koschei is revealed in the next book, Vassa becomes free sooner? It was the mortal queens who traded her in on some bargain, right? And we still need to deal with the remaining three who are living. Perhaps we will learn what they want, how they are helping Koschei, and why they sold her out? I could see that happening like a secondary or even tertiary plot, sorta like the feysand pregnancy was in acosf.

I honestly have no idea if that answered your question haha! I haven't really put much thought into what will happen with Vassa because I don't see her as a major player in the future.