#i'm legitimately sad okay?

[icarus-suraki]

RIP Vivienne Westwood (8 April 1941 – 29 December 2022)

[croakings]

at some point i will shut up but do you know. people have been like NOOOOOO about a skord adaptation and I Get It Believe Me I Get It but Honestly? i do think that's a solid option chance-wise. and like. also movie fodder wise. fi would maybe be kind of hard to do for live action but. not prohibitively? imo. idk i'm not a movie guy. but MOST IMPORTANTLY. they would put ghirahim on the big screen.

i know ghirahim enjoyers are probably like NOOOOO THEYRE GOING TO KILL MY GUY they're going to kill all of our guys unfortunately. but won't that one be just hysterically funny. put that toxic gay little theater guy in theaters. give him a musical number. please. all i want in life as a gay person is to have this win.

i will pay REAL MONEY to witness nintendo paying someone real money to be god's most problematic twink. ON THE BIG SCREEN.

also like the more i think about it the more i think skord is broadly the funniest possible option. i want to see them do the toilet thing. i want to see groose. and i said this somewhere else but it has SO many aspects i think these particular announced staff members would be so excited to get their grubby little hands on. and again like. it's not the worst option for live action actually. it's pretty doable. afaik.

what do we think what are we feeling. who will end being hollywood's next top fodder (material)

[icharchivist]

it’s funny when i was a teen i was not following mainstream stuff because i was deep into ~i’m not like the other teens~ (and just liked stuff that weren’t mainstream anyway) but nowadays my biggest argument to not follow mainstream is that we turned every big things into pure FOMO where if you don’t watch something big right away you will know everything about it in the couple of months that follow and it will suck any enjoyement out of it if you decide to watch it later and it’s honestly pretty depressing.

[missjessefantastico]

who's surprised? nobody!

[artfulacrostic]

y'all ever just have like. insane anxiety, and you're irritated about the thing that's causing it, and that makes u more anxious? bc i'm like fully aware that i'm having it bc of my anxiety disorder. but i'm still going in a circle here gdi 😑

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

I admire your patience with those readers who need you to spoon feed them the story. Everything is in the comics but they still manage to go pass it. I can't help but feel a bit sad for them? Do they not understand what they read? Are they not attentive when reading it? I'm legitimately concerned because I function so differently I can't fathom this. If you like a story, isn't it normal to make your best to grasp it's essence and reflect on it? I know I project a lot about this, everyone works and registers things differentely of course but sometimes it's very frustrating to see people consume any media and just completely miss all the important messages in it, or even just fail to get the scenario sometimes, and it feels like it's very common now... Idk I just wanted maybe to have your perspective on this? Sorry for the long post (Been here for a few years now and your a true inspiration to me. All my luv to you! ❤️)

You know, I'm gonna be honest. I used to stress out about this... a LOT.

As a story-brained person, this is definitely something that comes naturally to me, and perhaps to you, and to many other people who are wired similarly. To us, following the path of a story in an analytic, highly detail-motivated manner and unwrapping the themes can be as exciting as lifting up a rock to see the bugs underneath. It's an exciting mental activity that's stimulating and feels effortless.

And yes, as an author who spends literally 60% of my day thinking about this comic and how to draw it, panel it, script it, make it better (I script and panel in my head constantly)........ I have trouble realizing/dealing with the fact that some people are just here to CASUALLY enjoy the story that I am lowkey obsessed with.

But I've come to realize that... that's NORMAL! And healthy.

People have different attention spans for different things.

People have varied ways to read a story and engage with it.

People have unique interests.

People don't have the same amounts of energy to devote to reading!

Maybe someone missed a detail I lovingly and painstakingly put into the dialogue because they're reading the update late at night after a long shift at work. And maybe someone scrolled past the dialogue completely and just got the gist from looking at the art, because they're in a hurry to get to practice at their favorite sportsball.

And maybe someone just had a really bad day with a really bad encounter, and they're reading the update in a terrible mood and instead of seeing MY grey-morality narrative, they're focusing on all the negative points and misread the vibes because of their own biases that stem from places of hurt.

The thing is, I have to be okay with that as an author, because I will NEVER be able to get into my audience's heads and read this comic 'correctly' for my own sake.

They will always have a slightly different interpretation of things, and they will always misunderstand details and miss clues. And sometimes, they will be wrong about the way they read a character's motivations... and sometimes maybe they won't be! That's just a part of communication. That's a part of telling a story.

An imperfect delivery, and an imperfect reception should, in my opinion, be a natural and accepted part of storytelling. We're human, and we all have a different lived experience, and we will ALL have different takes on a comic, even if it's so close that we THINK we are both getting the exact same thing. That small human interpretation variation is a home-made touch that makes it feel more organic.

In short.... Not all light particles make it here from the sun, but damn the result is stunning anyway.

[ambling-rambling]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

C/W: honestly not much. Angst. Drunk reader. Softest of fluff

I started out intending to write drunk sex but ya sad bish needed something soft instead so have the first time Bucky Barnes hears I love you and the way it wrecks him.

Don't Leave Me

The two of you didn't actually fight that often, surprising as that was to some people. You supposed you couldn't blame them, what with the ex-Winter Soldier's perpetual frown and surly demeanor.

You knew better, though. He held people at arms length for a million different reasons, each as valid as the next, but the truth was, his core was all marshmallow fluff, soft and squishy.

In the six months that you'd been an official couple, you could count on one hand the number of times you'd so much as bickered. But this? This was different. A genuine fight, where you couldn't agree and neither was willing to compromise.

It was bad enough, his being gone on missions all the time, worrying about whether he'd come home at all, and what state he'd be in when he did. And now he was talking about some sabbatical back to Europe, trying to chase down memories and make some amends clear on the other side of the planet, indefinitely.

And it sure sounded like he didn't want you to come. Sure, his excuse had been that he didn't want to drag you away from your life, make you uproot everything. Part of you knew he didn't feel worthy of that kind of devotion, that he couldn't truly comprehend that he was your everything now.

But if still felt an awful lot like a rejection, and that stung.

Maybe that was why you'd gotten so drunk, just trying to ease the tightness in your chest, drown the ache in your soul with the burn of alcohol. It would have been bad enough on its own, but the fact that it was your first legitimate fight just made it that much worse.

So you'd gotten a little carried away, and Jaeger sure as shit did have a way of creeping up on you. You'd stumbled your way into the ladies' where you now sagged against a sink, though you'd forgotten to turn the water on.

"Honey, are you alright?" a voice startled you, and you spun, or tried to. You barely managed to keep yourself upright by clinging to the edge of the sink.

"Uhhhh..." Were you? Alright? What did that even mean? You weren't dying, but you felt like you were shattering into a million pieces. Surely that was just the alcohol talking, making everything extra dramatic. "No? " It came out a question, and the woman tutted softly. She was probably a little older than you, beautiful, and you found yourself half lost in the liquid brown of her eyes, hooded in deep gold eyeshadow, and the dreadlocks that framed her face.

"Can I call someone for you, honey?" she asked.

Call someone? Shit what a great idea! "Uhhh, my boyfriend," you said with a nod. "Er, well," you hedged, as the memories came flooding back in. "I think. We hadda fight." The words were slurred, and your new friend's eyes were sympathetic.

"Are you safe with him?"

Even drunk, you immediately understood the implications of what she was asking. "YES." Your response was so emphatic that she laughed a little. "We never fight like this," you said, pouting now, staring down at the toe of your tennis shoe. "Ever," you added, uncertain why you felt the need to add so much emphasis.

"Well, honey, why don't I call him for you? If he's got any brains in his head, he's probably missin' you just as much as you're missin' him."

You nodded, because Bucky definitely had brains, he was so smart, and beautiful and you just wanted to be with him always. Why did he have to make everything so fucking difficult?

Without really making a conscious decision, you unlocked your phone, open to your text conversation with Bucky. You hadn't even realized you had a slew of texts from him. It ran a course from appeasing,

I'm sorry, I just don't know what to tell you...

to irritated ,

Really? You're blowing me off?

to worried,

Okay well I deserve it. We don't have to talk but can you just answer so I know you're okay?

Y/n. Please. I'm really getting worried. I just wanna know you're alright.

You felt a little bad. You hadn't been blowing him off intentionally, you just hadn't been paying attention to your phone.

Your friend, god you really needed to ask her name, hit the dial button. Muffled through the speaker, you could nonetheless hear Bucky answer before the second ring, practically shouting your name.

"Sorry, my name's Meredith, but I've got y/n right here. She's fine, just pretty drunk. You should probably come pick her up."

There wasn't any hesitation in his promise to be there in a few minutes.

Meredith handed your phone back to you, and you tucked it away in your pocket, feeling a little guilty. You tried to stand up straight, annoyed with the way the world tilted and swayed under your feet.

"Easy there, honey. Let's go get you some water before your fella gets here."

You nod, because that seemed like a good idea. You clung to Meredith's arm as the two of you wound through the bar and the bartender handed you a glass of water. You sipped it carefully, uncertain if even that would settle. You had definitely never been this drunk before, and now that it was setting in you felt a little childish and stupid.

You heard your name and half turned. The sight of Bucky there, beautiful as ever in that leather jacket and his gloves, made you want to weep, and you sniffled.

"I was worried about you, doll," Bucky said gently, brushing one leather-clad thumb along your cheek bone.

You wanted to be mad at him, but the genuine concern in those blue eyes and the way he was hanging back, not pushing you, just made you want to fall into him.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, not looking at him. "I wasn't tryna make y'worry." The words came out slurred and you felt petulant and nauseous and why was everything such a mess?

"You good now?" Meredith asked, drawing your gaze. You nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay," you said.

"Thank you," Bucky said softly, extending a hand to Meredith. "Genuinely. I'm glad she found you and not..." he trailed off with a helpless shrug, and it wasn't a leap to know he'd been thinking about all the creeps out there who'd love to take advantage of a drunk and vulnerable woman.

"Nothin' to thank me for. Us girls gotta stick together," Meredith said with a grin. She gave your hand a little squeeze, and then disappeared into the crowd.

Bucky sighed, turning to look at you again, ducking his head to try and catch your eye. "C'mon doll, you still so mad you can't even look at me?" he asked, with a little note of frustration creeping into his tone.

You shook your head. "Not that. I just feel...Dumb." Suddenly you were crying and you couldn't even really articulate why. Bucky looked panicked, jerking the glove off his right hand to cradle your face, applying pressure to encourage you to look up without forcing you.

"What? Why? You're not dumb, y/n..." Bucky looked perplexed, worried still as you sniffled again, scrubbing at your leaking eyes.

"You still w-want me right?" The words came out slurred and choked, and you were suddenly clinging to him, clutching at his biceps. The world was unsteady under you and you just wanted to be in bed, wrapped up with him, safe and wanted.

Bucky looked genuinely shocked. "What...y/n, of course I do. You're all I want. Why would you think otherwise?"

He was so confused you almost laughed. It was so obvious to you.

"But you d-don't want me to come to Europe with you," you pointed out, your voice a drunken whine.

"I don't...y/n, I don't want to go without you," you could see he was struggling to articulate himself, the way words so often came as a fight, caught up in his head. "I just don't feel like I can ask you to walk away from your life..."

"You're not asking! I'm offering!" you interrupted, your voice a little too high, a little too loud, even to your own ears.

Bucky looked... Inexplicably sad. He stepped a little closer, so his body was pressed to yours, bare hand cradling your cheek. "I ain't worth it, doll. And I don't want you to be an ocean away from home and not another friend in sight when you figure that out." .

You felt like you were choking. Oh, or maybe that was just the alcohol in your stomach revolting. Bucky must have read the expression on your face, because he wrapped an arm around your waist, mostly carrying you toward the door. "C'mon, let's get outside," he said.

The cold air hit you like an Arctic front, had goosebumps prickling all over your skin and a shiver running up your spine. But it served to still the boiling mess in your stomach. You knew you were drunk, that he'd probably convince himself it was just the alcohol, but you had to try.

"Please baby," you whined, clutching at him. "I don't wanna be here without you. I just wanna be with you , always. You are worth it to me." Your voice cracked when you begged "don't leave me here."

"I'm not leaving you anywhere, doll. Let's go home," he murmured. You nodded, slumping into Bucky's arms, content to let him carry you to the car.

You didn't even remember getting home, just waking up in bed, a little panicked, launching yourself toward the bathroom, your stomach revolting against the ill treatment of the night before. Bucky was there within moments, sweeping your hair back out of your face, palm smoothing down your back.

You slumped to the floor when your stomach finally settled, cool tile heavenly against your heated skin. "I'm sorry," you mumbled.

"For what?" Bucky asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Getting so trashed that you had to come get me. Being so extra and now...this," your lip curled in distaste as you waved a hand at the porcelain throne.

Bucky 's lips quirked in that ghost of a smile that was his most common expression of pleasure or amusement. "That's nothin' to apologize for, doll," he said dismissively.

"Shower with me?" you asked, and Bucky nodded, starting the water before helping you to your feet. You shucked out of your clothes and ducked into the shower with a low groan of relief, only too eager to wash the night off your skin. Bucky followed you in, and his hands skimmed tenderly across your body, helping you rinse off, his nose nuzzled into the crook of your neck.

You lingered like that, for too long, really. It would have been easy, so easy, to just stay like that, pretend nothing had happened, but you couldn't.

"Bucky?" you whispered, voice rough and more than a little hesitant.

"Yeah, doll?" he asked, without lifting his head, voice muffled against your skin.

"I...I meant what I said last night. I know I was drunk, but it was still the truth. I don't... I don't wanna be here without you. I don't care where you're going, if it's anywhere even sort of long term, I wanna go. I'll go anywhere Buck, just .. please don't leave me here. Don't go without me."

He drew back, cradling your face, his expression a study in internal wars, looking both miserable and infatuated. "I just don't want you bored over there, by yourself..."

"I wouldn't be by myself," you interrupted. "I'd be with you and that's all I want."

You could practically see that self deprecating smile even before it painted his lips. "That's not all you want, doll," Bucky argued, and you felt yourself huff out an irritated breath. "You have a job that you really love and friends you love going out with, not to mention the cat..."

You sighed. "All those things will be here whenever you've done what you need to. Or I'll meet new people and make new friends. People do it all the time, Buck. Mallory would take Alpine for a while if I asked her."

Whatever argument he was about to pop off with now, you silenced it, pressing a finger to his lips. "Stop telling me what I want or don't want, Buck. I just want you. I love you."

You watched the emotions play across his face like he was a projection onto a movie screen. Incomprehension, and then disbelief, giving way to awe, and then something so, so soft it had his eyes welling up with tears.

He was searching your face, as if trying to sniff out a lie, and then abruptly, his gaze jerked down, swallowing hard. You'd been together a while, slept together, built routines that were comfortable, that he adored, but neither of you had ever broached the "l" word and he hadn't let himself believe you were building something like a life together, something lasting and permanent.

"Really?" he asked weakly.

His surprise broke you. All this time, it had been clear to you, that this was something permanent, that you were building patterns you wanted to live the rest of your life in, a comfortable place to rest and be at home. Meanwhile, he'd been holding himself apart, waiting for his fantasy to end.

"Oh, Bucky," you whispered, felt yourself choking up against your will. "Yeah, I love you , so much, baby. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner, that I ever made you wonder. I love you, Bucky Barnes, completely and irrevocably."

The arms he wrapped around you were all encompassing, squeezing you tight, with a hint of trembling. "I love you too, doll. So much." His voice was rough with emotion as he clung to you, and you clung right back, arms wrapped tight around his waist, lost in the touch so long that the water started to run cold. You whined as you hurried to wash your hair before it turned to ice and then crawled out.

Wrapped in a towel, you pressed yourself in against Bucky's side. "Does this mean you'll take me to Europe?"

Bucky almost snorted as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. "Let's be real, I wouldn't have lasted a week without you anyways."

[yuquinzel]

MIDNIGHT HAZE — rin itoshi.

— notes ⨾ ive been shying away from posting this for too long now. [ sensual/making out ] and heavy on the details hahahs

Rin takes note of the way you're shrinking in your seat beside him, how your arms are protectively tucked in your sides and the subtle but sharp inhales.

from his peripheral vision, he can see that you're gnawing on your bottom lip, gulping hard to swallow your sniffles because he knows you don't like to be seen crying. which is why he's not sure why he's in his living room with you beside him at 2 am watching some sappy sad movie you picked. it's been an hour already since you started your movie marathon and he could've suggested you watch a horror movie instead— but he didn't, and he thinks he regrets it now.

He sighs, pausing the movie and reaching for the box of tissues he's glad he set on the table just in case. he offers it to you, smiling a little to himself when you hesitantly take it, as if you're still not ready to accept you're crying.

“you're such a crybaby” he says. by now a few tears are falling down your cheeks, leaving a damp trail behind in their wake.

“shut up, I'm not. i don't cry often, i swear”, you whimper with the wobble of your lip, and rin laughs. it's the irony of this scenario that swells his heart. you're looking at him with narrow, glassy eyes and warm hues setting on your skin. your words are meant to be firm and legitimate, but you're voice is hushed and low.

“okay, crybaby” he teases, and you pout.

his room glows in a faded shade of honey with the paper lamp you bought him as a housewarming gift. there's nothing but the sound of his steady breathing, and your quivering one. a touch of the scent of lemongrass from the air freshener lingers in the air and rin realises he's been staring at you.

there's still a dampness sticking to your cheeks and rin wants —such a treacherous thing to do— to trace his finger along the trails. feel the smoothness and warmth of your skin. when you realise he's looking at you, embarassment blooms in shades of fuchsia, “stop staring at me like that.”

rin hums. he heard you, doesn't think much about it. and before he realises what he's doing, he's caressing the side of your face. it's a ghost of a touch at first, “staring like what?”

“like you're doing right now” you breath hitches in your throat at the tenderness of rin's caress. momentarily closing your eyes, you lean into his touch. his gaze devours you whole, it makes you want to shrink further into the couch, but at the same time— daring you to wait and see where it takes you.

when all you can hear is the loud thumps of your own heart, watching the steady rise and fall of rin's shoulders as he's gazing through the soul window of your eyes, you're painfully aware that the two of you are alone.

“can't help it,” he mumbles. “god, you're beautiful” he says.

the faint glow of moonlight strips lines of silver across the room, and rin's bathed in luminescence. you can't help but trace the sharp white cut of his collarbone and the flutter of his eyelashes, over the broad expanse of his chest and the slopes of shoulders down to the ridges of hard muscle roping the length of his forearm. you take in his light. he takes in yours.

there are too many details. too much to breathe in yet not enough at the same time. a drug-like midnight haze encompasses the room, the air in the room is electrified and frozen still. rin's fingers travel down from your cheekbones to the corner of your mouth, then brush lightly against your chin.

you can't think. can't say anything. it's like your voice is caught in your own throat. all you feel is the heaviness of the air and the brushes of rin's fingers across your skin. mind blurring with the lines of a countless ‘what ifs’ and moments you've felt the same heaviness in the air, times when the glances you steal from each other lasted longer than they should've.

you swipe your tongue across your bottom lip, and rin's eyes follow the action. his gaze rests there and your falls to his.

there's a momentary pause, as if you're caught in a trance. as if there's hesitation and doubts filling the spaces left behind your words. rin's eyes are still set on your slightly parted lips.

and then it breaks.

you feel it in the form of a shiver running down your spine when the lightning in the room reaches a breaking point, you think rin feels it too. there's a shift in his shoulders when he leans forward at the very second time melts into infinity— a magnetic pull drawing you both in.

rin's other hand supports his weight when he practically crawls on all fours and rolls forward on the leg tucked beneath him.

his lips surround yours— desperate, heated, almost obscene. it's nowhere near the gentle caress from before. teeth nipping and tugging at your bottom lip, long and languid glides of tongue against tongue. he breathes in all of your gasps and mewls, chasing after your breaths to consume you whole like he's waited forever for this very moment. breaths tangle in heated knots of passion, you're holding onto rin's arms, aware that your hands are almost shaking. this is not your first kiss. you've kissed people before. but it's your first kiss with rin and he's made you forget there was anyone ever before him.

you pull away first, breathless and hot. it's addictive— the way rin's lips chase after yours, eyes fluttering open when he can't find them. but he's still close. so, so close. forehead resting on yours and hot breaths fanning against your mouth.

his eyes are brimming with awe and glimmer, but lips swollen and sinful. the contrast is striking— awestruck eyes and moon-bruised lips.

rin falls back into the couch, calming his staggered breaths and throbbing heart.

it takes a long minute before either of you speak again.

“do you regret it?” it's a whisper that's almost raw with desperation and fear. rin's eyes are glued to you again, waiting for an answer.

“i don't. i'd never regret it. do you?” though still breathless, your voice is bold.

“regret?—” he chuckles, as if you asked a dumb question, “—you have no idea, how long I've wanted this. wanted you.” it's a declaration— of all his unconfessed feelings, all the times he'd stopped himself just short of the breaking point. “i feel like i'm about to lose my mind.”

“me too”, is all you can say. it's all you can think.

and if rin senses that, then he smiles, “why don't we try that again?”

© yuquinzel2023 [ plagiarism is a violation of moral rights ! ]

i hope this is what you wanted m'lady @rinnahhhh

[schrodingers-lesbian]

the first lesbian i ever knew irl when i was younger was my moms friend who was an ftm lesbian, who did not identify as a woman in any way but fully identified as a lesbian, and was in a triad with two women who fully accepted him for who he was.

we have been around for a long time, and will continue to be here long after you immature box obsessed baby queers have burned out. being a lesbian is about loving women and being queer, if you can't understand that congratulations on drinking the terf juice.

also its okay to be wrong as long as you don't fucking double down when confronted with the facts like. if you see this post and want to actually interact in good faith with bi or mspec lesbians and lesbians who dont identify as women or "woman-lite", then please do! that's the mature response!

i just want yall to look inside yourselves and really try to figure out why you feel like you should have control over how other people identify. thats the opposite of what being queer means, and i'm not even angry at people who think this way it legitimately just makes me sad?

[thelarkofpontmercy]

I still have to continue reading (I'm only still in the beginning here, Marius hasn't even entered the scene yet) Les Mis, but it just got me wondering. . .I know that the 2012 version cut out quite a bit of stuff (understandable bc you can only fit so much in more or less 2 hours of screen time) but I was legitimately wondering if it didn't romanticize or paint things in a different light than it might have been in the book?

This is not me passing judgement on the movie. I liked the movie, trust me. I'm not judging it. But given that apparently book!Marius was cringe, it seems to me that the movie doesn't really paint him that way. Or at least if it did, I missed that and was too busy with "Oh poor boy, he loves Cosette, but he can't be with her. . . oh he's sad bc she's going away etc" (referring to the "One Day More" scene here.

I don't know, when I saw the movie, I got that sort of feeling, like I felt bad for him bc of the seperation imposed on them, and okay, I'll be honest. It was a little bit dramatic for him to want to die just because he wouldn't be with Cosette. But anyway, I didn't get the idea that he's so cringe in the movie.

[jennycalendar]

okay still actually obsessed with the fucking selfish audacity of angel, though, especially because i really did not fully remember how thoroughly giles just looks him in the eye and goes "no. fuck you. die." like, angel legitimately thought that giles would help him. this makes him look even worse. he wasn't like "i think i'm a danger to myself," he was like "i'm having a hard time and i feel like you might have sympathy for me." it breaks my brain that angel so clearly does not give a shit about what giles is going through beyond how it affected Him Personally. buffy too, of course, but at least she has SOME awareness of what topics not to fucking bring to giles!!!! angel shows up to the house he DROPPED JENNY'S CORPSE OFF IN and goes "i'm just a sad sad little man and i need a big strong watcher to help me" and giles punts him to the curb. deserved

[rusmii]

sighs dreamily. I love vulnerable dazai and characterizing him! take a dazai character study <3 I'll let u guys decide who I should character study next in the comments ;p dunno if i like how i worded this I'm kinda bad at writing descriptive things like this😭

to me, it takes a person to not fall for his charm, in order for dazai to fall in love with you, you have to get him to realize and admit it—ignore his advances until you find him vulnerable, drunk, and clinging onto your clothes as you drag him away from the bar, shouting mini 'i love yous' while you pull him by the collar.

then confront and corner him until he's trying to mansplain his way out—advance forward, brushing up against his lips as your face inches closer to his. the forming blush on his face is a clear indicator that his facade is slipping, the voice cracks, and darting eyes are practically telling you that he's about to break.

all it takes is one accusation for him to burst, an explosive reaction taking place as he scrambles over himself, jittering words never lie—and neither was dazai. one more push, that's it. give him one more reason to break, a reason to take a step back and accept the situation—"why are you ignoring me? answer the question, osamu."

he breaks. dazai is scratching the wall behind him, teeth barring nervousness as his anxious gulp bops down. "i'm not," he tries to break away, his last resolve crumbling in the wedge of your fingers.

"you are."

"no i'm not."

"you are."

"no—"

"—yes."

by now, you could see the tears threatening to well up, his pupils glossy but never weak. he feels vulnerable, terrified, gross. disgusting for wanting to break down inside your arms. "i—" dazai doesn't have a voice to dismiss your claims anymore, all weak and cracky. "it's okay," you cup his hands, the lull of your warmth reminding him of his days back in lupin. "i won't judge you. i won't leave you. i won't lie to you. just tell me the truth, and i'll answer honestly."

what if dazai didn't want to hear the truth though? to know the fact that you may not reciprocate his feelings is already enough to warrant his shut down. eyes dulling, face going blank—"sorry," his voice is empty, never once have you thought to witness the brilliant dazai osamu shut down so fast. his refusal to communicate brought you back to square one.

dazai wasn't buff per say, but he did have some muscle in him that made him lean to a certain extent. you knew that you weren't going to overpower him by physical means, so that meant you had to act quickly and accordingly to get dazai to talk. "what're you sorry for? sorry for loving me?" direct and straight to the point.

that always seemed to be the best option when dealing with dazai osamu. his eyebags are prominent, the broken facade, now a sad one. "no," again, with his refusal. you already know by now that he's lying; truth in hand that he does love you. sighing, you break away. "oh, guess i was wrong then. see you tomorrow, sorry."

he doesn't inquire further, staring as you turn your back on him and walk away. dazai isn't sure what was with him, sure, he could be a little off the boat when it came to his emotions. but was he so down the sea, he couldn't swim back up and face the light? did he truly believe that night dwellers couldn't adapt to the light?

he didn't know. and legitimately, did not know what overcame his senses. "wait!" his shout echoes, your footsteps stopping and your silence making him nauseous. he does not know what overode his drive, but dazai is across from you, shouting, nearly into tears.

"you're leaving?" you could hear his unspoken words, just like that? averting your eyes, you nod your head. "yeah. like you wanted me to."

don't go. "why?" you need to stay. "because you wanted me to." no he didn't. he didn't—he didn't, he needed you, he wanted you, he wants to depend on you—"that's it?" his voice cracks. "yeah."

"why?"

"again, not forcing you—"

"—you're not!" his sudden outburst leaves you stunned a bit. you stood there, waiting for him to continue what he meant, but there was nothing. just heavy breathing and dazai's sniffles. finding nothing that was worth staying, you end up turning away, not noticing how dazai tenses up.

before you left, you wanted to get one last thing in; one thing you needed him to understand. "i'll leave if you want me to leave," and with that, your body starts moving, not giving dazai any time to process what you had just said.

had he been a split second to late, dazai wasn't sure that he'd be able to catch up to you. you hear him running, a bone crushing vice on your sleeve tugging you back. looking at dazai, you finally see it. the tears he refused to shed, the morbid expression he tried to hold in, and the thousand year worth of emotions he laid out on his face.

you didn't need to think twice about what he thought. no words were exchanged, dazai continued to silently cry as he wept shamelessly—"don't leave me." i love you.

[zeb-z]

Thinking about Pac and his self worth issues that stretch for miles, who will always be self sacrificing if there's a chance to save his family. He's twice repeated this risk taking for Forever, taking the pills to find a cure, and now going through the portal to find some stable way to get him back. Both times there is no guarantee for his safety, the process is entirely experimental, and the stakes are high - but that's okay, because it's only his life on the line, and in the grand scheme of things it isn't valuable (to him at least).

Thinking about how Pac took the happy pills cure while sobbing, how Cellbit told him he couldn't stop him from being sad but he wouldn't let him be alone - and now Cellbit has managed to leave him alone in legitimately the worst way possible. Not by getting lost or kidnapped, but by losing himself. Becoming so similar to a version of himself that Pac has to separate into an entire different person because of his trauma around their time in prison. Becoming someone Pac builds walls and barbed wire and lava traps to avoid, to push away. Last time he had Cellbit to finish what he started - and despite all those promises, this time all he has is himself.

Thinking about Tubbo and Pac's conversation while he was on the happy pills - "what are you learning?" "I'm learning that happiness has a price. and it's kind of worth it." How he is no stranger to the consequences, how he's aware of the dangers, and still he will pay for them time and time again. Anything for Favela 6. Anything for family. Happiness has a price, and for him it's everything.

Thinking about how it all worked out last time, but this time is different. Forever returned without even having seen Pac. This risk did not pay off, and now the guy who would burn himself to keep others warm is in literal hell trying to find someone who isn’t even there.

Thinking about a ship called Hope, and how Pac set off to find it, alone. About the Fed operation room he walked into, alone. About the portal he stood in front of, alone. How there has to be significance in this symbolism.

Thinking about Pac and his odd taste in men and his terrible self esteem and his loyalty and love for his family, and the way he can’t seem to catch a goddamn break. How despite all that’s happened, he’s pulled off the impossible before - surely, surely he can do it again.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Best of QL 2023: Favorite Lines

Okay well, I was going to spare everyone (and myself) from having to choose between all the pre-2023 shows I binged this year, but @twig-tea wanted more pain and suffering so here it goes:

Top Five Pre-2023 Lines that Lived Rent-Free In My Brain This Year:

"I don't want to see him sad." -Oh'Aew, I Told Sunset About You, Ep. 5

Okay so you see, my real problem here is that my favorite parts of ITSAY, the things that stay in my head rent free. No. The things I pay to stay in my head because I love them so much are the things that happen in the silence. Beginning of Ep 3, end of Ep 3, the kiss in Ep 4, the wrestling at the end of Ep 2. Those aspects, those moments are what absolutely destroyed me with this show. But I am gonna be real with you all, when Bas let Oh go like that? I wept. And I do love what it says about Oh that despite how much he has been hurt by Teh, he loves Teh enough to know how utterly devasted Teh is right now, and he cannot bear the pain of seeing someone he loves so hurt. Especially when he and Teh haven't spoken since Teh gave up his seat.

"You're tired, aren't you?" -Mork, My Ride, Ep. 5

If you saw my Favorite Lines 2023 post you would notice that this line is very very similar to my favorite line in Moonlight Chicken. And that is because loving and caring for people is super fucking exhausting. Meeting the world with kindness and grace and radical empathy in the face of horrible things, in the face of people who think you are weak for your kindness, or who seek to take advantage of it is fucking exhausting. And it is honestly quite rare that I see kind characters being asked this question, so I always go feral when they do because it is such a testament to love to say 'i see you' but to grant people enough space and autonomy to decide how honest and vulnerable they are going to let themselves be. I was talking with @ginnymoonbeam about this line a little so I am going to steal a line from her: "have you eaten" = I love and care for you

"are you tired" = I see how much you love and care for me/others

Of course the fact that Tawan absolutely just melts in to a puddle of tears because yes, yes he is tired, so so fucking tired does absolutely nothing to help me stop thinking about this scene. I love my boys!

"Because you raised me this way, that's why I'm not like other kids" || "I had to hate Pran, to compete against him, because of you? That's the reason? -Pran || Pat, Bad Buddy, Ep. 10

I cheated here. I do not care. These lines come almost one right after another and are just the same level of one-two gut punch that makes Bad Buddy so fucking incredible. Pat and Pran have been through so much because their parents were trying to save face. All the pain they have suffered, the lies they've had to tell, the caution, the fear, the secrecy in their relationship. How long Pran has had to keep his feelings for Pat at bay, how much Pat is sacrificing to let Pran maintain a good relationship with his mother, is all because their parents have decades old beef. There are so many good lines in this show, if I were to pick another one it would be "do you want to be friends?" "no" from Episode 5, but I feel like no lines sum up the conflict of Bad Buddy better than Pran and Pat confronting their parents.

"You must be disappointed in me." -Wang, 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us, Ep 7

Ok so I lied about this one, the line that absolutely stays in my head rent free is the line "Mom." Wang sobs after his fight with In in Episode 8 but I had a legitimate 30 minute melt-down over that singular line and moment so I am picking one of the next most painful lines for me. And if it wasn't this it would be the entirety of the 52 Hertz Whale monologue that In gives in Episode 3 because that is the saddest gayest monologue for the saddest gayest man. And if it wasn't those it would be the boy in boarding school monologue Wang gives in Episode 5. Honestly this entire script, and this entire show is with me always.

BUT what absolutely kills me about this line in particular is that Swasimol tries to shake her head no, and can't bring herself to lie, and Wang watches his mother nod in confirmation that she is disappointed in him when he tells her he is in love with In. And that's the part that is truly crushing.

"I know you're hurting," -Shiro, What Did You Eat Yesterday?

GOD. THEY MAKE ME SO. AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH. Honestly a huge fuck you to @bengiyo for introducing this show to me, this brain rot is 1000% his fault.

There is something just so fascinating to me about Kenji and Shiro's dynamic especially around how they handle and navigate their queerness. Kenji is loud and out and proud and while we don't know if there was time his mother had to work up to it, we know that Kenji's mother is pretty accepting of Kenji being gay. But Shiro didn't have that same experience, and he is quiet, and struggling with internalized homophobia, and decently rooted in the closet. And I think when you have a character like Kenji who rarely seems to take the insults and the jabs to heart, who is just the human embodiment of sunshine you can forget that Kenji is human, and Kenji uses his sunshine as armor the way that Shiro uses his silence.

Shiro never says I love you to Kenji, in the first season he rarely engaged in any level of physical affection, and kept a distance from Kenji if they were walking together in public. But Shiro loves Kenji so goddamn much, so so fucking much, and while he can't bring himself to say the words it is in moments like this one, where Shiro knows despite the fact that Kenji hasn't given any indication, that Kenji is hurt by the fact that Shiro's mother rescinded his New Year's invitation.

Shiro and Kenji mean everything to me.

If anyone is curious about any other favorites (shows, cinematography, pain, etc) from this year, feel free to drop an ask!

[seungmonggg]

arranged marriage Bonten mikey but he is goddamn cold & indifferent to reader who loves him legitimately; Uses reader’s body for pleasure only til he got her pregnant. Reader died giving birth to the child and that’s when he realized he rly loved reader. Her parting gift to him was the child :(

omggg okay so listen up...

Mikey loved the way she was sooo fucking dumb for him, the way she'd do anything just to please him, to make him like her too. She'd more than once run away from home in the middle of the night just because he called her up..

He really wasn't used to someone practically running after him. thats why he hated that idea so much he just kept turning you down over and over again, breaking your heart more than once.

it was when you turned up at his door at god knows what hour, crying your eyes out and shaking from the cold of Tokyo. You were holding something in your delicate hands, hands he loved to feel on his skin, even though he'd never admit that out loud.

"I'm pregnant, Mikey." you'd confessed that night. And he went batshit crazy over you. Accusing you of trying to "Babytrap" him, so he couldn't leave you like you knew he would. He screamed at you to "get fucking lost before i forget myself". And so you ran, ran like a person gone wild, away from all this shit, from the pain, from him.

It wasn't a couple of months later that he got a text from Draken saying "Mikey i really think there's someone you should meet..". And he agreed because he thought it was you who he was going to meet. You, who he had been searching for the last couple of months, regretting the vile words he threw at you that night.

It wasn't until he arrived at the Hospital that he realised something was terribly wrong. Ken-chin standing at a door, looking almost remorseful? sad? what the fuck was happening, Mikey thought.

A loud and shrill scream shook him. He didn't know why, the hairs on his neck standing up immediately, it was a baby. He began breathing faster, felt like there was a huge, heavy stone on his chest, stopping him from breathing normally. "Ken-chin, w-what the fuck is going on? W-what are we doing here?"

His voice was shaking, something that never happened. Draken just put an arm around his smaller friend and whispered a small "I'm so sorry Mikey. She couldn't make it.." into his hair.

What? What the fuck was he talking about? It couldn't be about you, could it? But when he looked up and saw the Doctor looking at him, with that look in his eyes... the sorrow, the pain, all of it hit at once.

He couldn't breathe, started snapping for air to fill his lungs again, the world began to spin around him, Drakens screams of "Mikey! Mikey calm down!" got quiet until he couldn't hear anything but the loud cries of his child. The child you gave him, gifted him as a final goodbye before peacefully leaving this world with an "I'll always love you, Mikey." on your lips...

So, now, almost a year later, everyone knew not to ask Mikey what happened to the Mother of his little Daughter. Last time someone asked, he went on a killing spree for three days and was only stopped by Draken finally knocking him out...

Ahh, here it is, my first ever angsty writing!! I hope you liked it. :) sorry if there are any typos, didn't proofread it :P

[thesungod]

So I've been reading toa and I'm nearly done with the burning maze and one thing that sticks out to me is ... All the characters HATE Apollo 😭 I genuinely can't think of a single character who seems to like him or enjoy his company or has been nice to him so far. And in the beginning it made sense because he was honestly insufferable but by this point he seems to have learned a lot of humanity. I mean he literally sacrificed his life for his friends about two or three times in this book already and absolutely no one cares 💀 maybe it's just me but I feel like no one likes him and that's sad

anon i totally get what you’re saying and I think TBM is the worst offender when it comes to Apollo’s happiness and health and friendship. Rick Riordan was sooooooooo wrong and will not see the pearly gates for not making a bigger deal of Lester sacrificing himself. But you must remember that:

1) Apollo is a very unreliable narrator and, despite pretending to think everyone adores him, he is actually very insecure and anxious about being liked. He takes any and all reactions that are not a 100 thousand % happy and joyful as annoyed and antagonistic. If the people that he seems to think dislike him actually disliked him, he would never get anything done: I can’t think of a single character who got as much help as him. Considering how much of an asshole he used to be, that’s a pretty big deal, and he does have a talent for earning the loyalty, or at least the allyship, of people who used to resent him pretty easily (Leo, Calypso etc).

2) I know it’s brutal out there, but don’t forget some people canonically and explicitly like him! Leo, Meg, Rachel, Nico (okay, I’m pushing it with calling it canonical, but I really do think so), his children, Chiron (somehow), Harley, Crest. Keep in mind that you have two books left to go and you’ll get to meet some really nice folks. Even Piper, before the mess happened, seemed to enjoy his company. It’s not so bleak :)

3) Demigods just have a different way of showing love and are hardened, sarcastic people who also happen to be middle schoolers and teenagers (the meanest motherfuckers you’ll ever meet). For example, it’s canon that Meg ADORES him and would die for him yet she treats him the way she does almost all the time (you will get too see occasional moments of honesty and vulnerability from her as you go on). I just don’t think they hate him because they poke fun at him or tease him, even when it gets a bit mean. Which brings me to the last point.

4) Demigods and magical creatures have big, legitimate reasons to hate and resent the gods. I do think some of them are mean or dismissive towards Apollo as retribution, and as much as I’m defensive over him and I wish they STOPPED, it’s realistic. If anything, we should focus on how impressive it is that Apollo manages to survive so much shit and earn as many allies as he does as a mortal when he literally acted like The Worst Person Ever for so long. It speaks to his real character, and shows how much he really is a People Person even when he’s not trying hard.

Sorry for the essay anon (🫣) and I hope my answer satisfied you!!