#i'm real bad at faces in general so it's probably bad i'll try harder next time

[swasdoodles]

an inconsistent clutter of quick cleos

[sansxfuckyou]

so, why'd ya do that?

summary: in Shadow's defence, Sonic should be able to tell when he's bluffing

tags: sparring, cafe meetup, chattin' it out, Amy and Sonic are roomies

authors note: @ohposhers @aethiriarts so i wrote some sonadow and you're are the sonadow fans in my dm's. it turned out a little bit mid methinks, but fuck it we ball and send it off the sonadow nation.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58263085

"You wanna kiss me so bad," Sonic taunted in spite of the blood that had made it's way to his lips from a fierce punch mere moments ago.

"What if I do?" Shadow snapped back.

And holy fuck that was not supposed to be the response that Sonic got for his smug remark.

He's pretty sure that it's visible the way that his mind crashes, a blank look sort of creeping onto his face. Wild way to respond to that. He's never ever had anyone say anything like that to him before, usually it gets him another punch to the snout.

But that?

Not that.

The grip on his shoulder presses down again, forcing quills into dirt and it hurts. But it jolts Sonic back into reality, he stares up at Shadow and finds a sharp gaze searing into him.

"Well?" Shadow said, a low growl vibratory on his voice.

Sonic smirked, trying to regain his footing, "Then do it, coward-"

And, well, maybe Sonic should've expected Shadow to actually do it. He isn't usually the type to bluff. It still leaves Sonic absolutely dumbfounded even as he watches Shadow rear back and wipe the blood, Sonics blood, off his lips with the back of his hand.

They're supposed to be fighting right now.

Not supposed to be doing whatever it is that Shadow just did.

Still, he stands up like nothing happened, "Good match."

Sonic takes a full moment to register the words and give a response, gathering his composure to come to sit up. He still struggles to be coherent, "Shadow- wait. I. What."

"Our sparring session is over, I have to go do some real missions," Shadow said, he spat the words with some form of bland venom. Not quite aggressive or disappointed or anything really, just flat and firm.

"Could you at least tell me why you did that?" Sonic asked, shocked exasperation on his voice as he spoke.

"You told me to," Shadow said, "Same time, same place, next week?"

"Well, yeah obviously- you still didn't answer my question though." As he spoke he ambled over to Shadow.

"I did, if you didn't want me too you shouldn't have put the offer out there," Shadow snarked back, "Now please, let me do my actual job."

Sonic retracts himself, hands raised in surrender, "Be on your way, my good fellow."

And in a flash of green chaos Shadow is gone.

That leaves Sonic to contemplate by himself.

Man what the fuck Shadow?

-/-/-/-

"Hey, Amy, what does it mean if a guy kisses you?" Sonic asked over dinner.

Amy nearly choked on her own spit, "A guy kissed you?!"

"Yeah-"

"Who was it?" That exuberant glee she held in her youth has returned tenfold at the knowledge of her friends latest affair. Not an affair though. It was just a kiss, to her knowledge. Still, excitement courses through her.

Sonic waved off her statement, "Nu uh, not telling."

"Then I won't tell you what it means," Amy said.

"Alright, that's cool, I'll go ask Rouge instead," Sonic said, a bit of a huff on his voice.

"You know she'll ask the same question." Came the singsong response. The pink hedgehog gives a pleased hum as she places aside her plate to the coffee table and reaches to turn down the tv. "I'll explain it to you if you want me too."

"I'm not gonna tell you who it is-"

"Don't worry, I have a hunch. I'm generous anyways, I let you live here for free."

Sonic rolled his eyes.

"It probably means he likes you, if he asked then you might like him back because you said yes."

"Well I thought he was joking."

"That does complicate things- do you like him?"

"Obviously, but it's complicated!"

That gave Amy pause.

Well shit.

This might be a little bit harder than she expected.

"You like him enough to let him kiss you, so that means something. You're one interesting hedgehog."

"Okay, so how come my best friend kissed me?"

"Is he your best friend? Do you think he feels differently?"

Sonic can't quite answer firmly, he doesn't fricking know. Shadow isn't exactly an open book. Still, "Of course he doesn't!"

Amy catches the hesitation, "You should go talk to him about it, see if he's caught some feelings for you."

"There's no way that he has!"

"You can never be too sure about feelings, they're fickle, Sonic."

"What would you know about it?"

Amy gestures vaguely to the apartment, "We went from me chasing you around with a hammer to living together as besties- that seems pretty fickle to me."

Sonic huffs, "Fine, I'll ask him about his feelings."

A grin creeps onto Amy's face, "Yay, now eat your dinner! You've got a mission tomorrow and we cannot have you drop unconscious on the spot."

"Alright, alright."

-/-/-/-

"A coffee date?" Shadow asked, just to make sure he heard correctly.

"Yeah, just to chat!" Sonic answered with as he slammed down his heel on a badnik, metal shredding under the force.

Shadow bashes his elbow into a different badnik before speaking, "I'll consider it."

"Okay great! How does tomorrow sound?" Was Sonic's response to the notion.

"How about we work out a time and place after this mission?"

-/-/-/-

Shadow is used to Sonic being late, so it's very much a surprise to see the blue blur waiting patiently for him at a patio table with a mug in hand. He's tapping his foot anxiously on the ground and it deterred most of the other patrons. He perks up the second he sees Shadow, a smile quickly rising to his face as his postures straightens.

He takes a seat across from his friend and finds a cup of iced water sitting in front of him.

Sonic slides over a plate with half of a croissant, cleanly sliced in half.

Shadow raises a brow.

"I thought you might enjoy it, so I saved ya half," Sonic said as calmly as he could despite nerves wracking his form.

Shadow takes the plate, "Thank you." He breaks off a piece of the croissant before speaking again, "What did you want to talk about?"

"Why did you kiss me?" Sonic asked.

Shadow shrugged, "I was given the chance and I wanted too, why else?"

Sonic just sort of stared at him, "That's seriously it?"

"You wouldn't take a hint any other way," Shadow said, a scoff of disappointment on his voice. He knew Sonic was dense as a brick but this? This is a whole other level.

He stares at Sonic as he processes the words.

"People already think we're dating, Sonic- there are rumours flying around town, Sonic," Shadow said, leaning forward just a bit.

"What do you mean there are rumours?" Sonic questioned.

"Do none of your friends keep you up to date on that sort of thing?" Shadow asked back.

Sonic shook his head, "None of them gossip."

"Rouge is good for that sort of thing, she knows everything," Shadow said. He broke off another piece of croissant, "But I kissed you to get it into your thick skull that I like you- and yet you still had to come ask me to confirm it for yourself. You really are an idiot."

"Huh." Sonic pauses, "I guess Amy was right about you liking me-"

Shadow refrains from barking at Sonic and first falters to swallow his bite of croissant, holding up a hand as if to say one moment. Then he wipes his lips of crumbs and speaks, "You told Amy!?"

"In no uncertain terms! I didn't say it outright, I just asked her for some advice."

"That girl has never once been in a relationship, how would she know anything!?"

"It was her or Tails, I think I chose right, Shads."

Shadow sighs, "Look, just, do you like me back?"

Sonic shrugged, "Yeah, 'course I do. Might be fun to date you while we're at it."

"You are so annoying- fuck, I can't believe I love you."

"I can't believe it took you so long to say it."

"I can't believe you had to ask me outright to realize how insane the tension between us is."

"Fair point."

Shadow groans in annoyance, "You are, so dumb."

Sonic leans in a bit, "Yeah, I might be." He's smirking, "Wanna go spar?" He quirks a brow that's loaded with implications.

Shadow chuckles, "After I finish my croissant, we can spar all day and night."

[nerdnag]

Hi Sara! You are wise and cool and I'd appreciate advice if you have any! I am trying to make friends especially with fellow autistic people in real life but it is very very hard and scary also I don't know how to find people who want friends. Do you have any advice? (Please only answer if you want to!)

Thank you Ghostly!! 🙏 You are so valid - it *is* hard and scary to make irl friends!! (... Online friends too, tbh)

I don't know if I have any helpful advice, but I'll try!

I think what's worked best for me is to meet people in contexts that are related to specific, niche interests. I'm not entirely sure I have any IRL friends anymore who are only autistic, I do have a bunch who are both autistic and have ADHD though. And all of them, I've met through various kinds of special interests.

For example, several people in my TTRPG group are neurodiverse. How did I meet them? I happened to sit next to a guy I'd never spoken to before while at a work lunch, and we got to talking fantasy books (... I don't really remember how), which got us into RPG talk, which eventually led to him asking me by the end of the lunch whether I'd like to join the TTRPG group that he and some of his friends were starting up soon. That was 3,5 years ago, and we're still playing together to this day!

Another, I met through Magic: The Gathering - we were going to the same weekend event (not related to MtG) and I saw him post in a thread about looking for people to play some games with, so I replied to him, and we pretty much clicked right away because it turned out we had lots of other similar interests as well.

A third, I got to know through playing social deception games at yet another event, in which we sort of fell into a banter-y jargon while trying to convince everyone else to vote out the other. (We were both the wild cards in every game, because I had a habit of grinning wildly and looking generally untrustworthy regardless of which role I was given, and he had an absolutely straight face regardless and was really hard to read, so we pretty quickly identified each other as friendly rivals.) Then I figured out he lived in the same city as I did, and my train was cancelled, so I used my Charisma™ to hitch a ride with him and his dad back home :D

... So based on my own experiences, it seems I've mostly met other neurodiverse people through various kinds of games, which is one of my great passions in life! Depending on what your interests are, maybe there are events, groups or such that you could be on the lookout for? Sort of like it usually happens on Tumblr I guess, but IRL it's a bit harder since you have to do more work and research to find those places and communities.

The thing is though, it will always be scary. The first time I went to play with the TTRPG group, I was super scared. I barely said anything during the first hour or so, and even after several sessions, it still took some time each time to get back into it and relax. But I always have a lot of fun while playing, and I know they appreciate having me there, so that makes it easier to relax and not worry so much. It was the same thing with the MtG friend - I rewrote that first message sooo many times, and then had a racing heart by the time I went to meet up with him. The trick for me has been to recognise when it's worth pushing through that discomfort, and try to be accepting of the fact that sometimes it won't work out, but sometimes it will; sometimes it will lead to amazing friendships, but sometimes it will fizzle out or face plant before it could even start. And that's fine.

It gets easier with time in my experience, but it never gets easy. I've sort of had to accept that I usually don't make a great first impression. It's not that I make a bad impression, I just don't think I make much of an impression at all - I probably seem more shy than I really am, and sometimes my fears make me behave really awkwardly. But after a couple times, as I start to relax and get more comfortable being myself, I think I can make a really really good impression! And I stress a little less about first impressions when I remind myself of that.

Oh, and one more thing: I've personally found that it's a lot easier to meet new people if they are there by themselves. People who already hang out in groups are much harder to approach. Because of this reason, actually, I tend to avoid going to places together with my friends if my aim is to meet new people. It means I won't have the comfort and safety of my friends with me, but it increases the likelihood that I'll approach people I wouldn't have talked to others - or that they will approach me! (The friend I met through social deception games is the opposite, though. He says the comfort of having friends with him makes him more relaxed and confident, which makes it easier for him to meet new people.)

[fly-like-a-phoenix]

House of Lust (part 17)

Abbé de Coulmier x reader

Summary: Five years has passed since the events of Quills. The Abbé de Coulmier is released of prision by a misterious event. And he will know again those feelings he never thought will meet again: love... and lust.

Warnings: some weird things, pre-smut.

You arrived together to the dining room, and a lot of guests shared glances. The handsome priest disappeared for three days, and you too. And a lot of them noticed that.

The table was full of guests already sitting. Only two chairs, one in front of the other, were empty. Everyone wanted to be closer to Odelle's chair. The table had a lot of food too: two turkeys, one big pig with an apple in his mouth, cheese, fruits, eggs, bread, soup. And wine already served in big glasses, in front of every chair.

Coulmier moved a chair to let you sit, and then he smiled at you. He was a gentleman. He then sat in front of you, Josephine closer to you both at one tip of the table, smiling too. You looked beautiful together.

Odelle sat at the other tip, and everyone went silent and looked at her. She glanced at everyone with a perfid smile in her face. Then, she rised her hands.

"My friends. My guests. My visitors to this House of Lust. As everything, this celebration of our way of life has to end. We enjoyed these days together, doing everything that pleases us and what we can't do freely in the cities. For that, I raise my glass. Bottoms up, for the Marquis de Sade!"

Every person raised the glass of wine that was already served, and said, at the unison "Marquis". As a coincidence, Coulmier and you glanced at Josephine. The way Odelle said "My friends, my guests" was strange, like leaving her behind.

François looked at you and drank wine. It had a nice taste. Perhaps a little strong, but a good red wine. The meal continued with people talking about their days in the mansion, and the things they did, alone, with others, to others...

You drank too, sharing Josephine's and François silence. Without any doubt, something strange happened between your sisters. Something bad, surely, because usually, Josephine always sat at Odelle's side in the last party. But you didn't ask.

And hour and a half latter, François could not eat more. He was really satisfied after those days without eating nothing in the dungeon. He looked at you, the way you were finishing your meal, and smiled.

"So, everyone!" Said Odelle, making a sound with her glass and spoon. "Enjoy this last day like if you're going to die! And I hope I'll see everybody again next year. Try to keep your crimes in secret."

A general laugh filled the place, and every guest went back to their rooms. Fine, you thought. No one asked nothing about you or the Abbé. You raised and went to Josephine side.

"Can I talk with you?" You murmured, and she nodded. You made a sign with your head, and François understood you wanted to talk her about the plan you got with him. Josephine didn't deserve to stay with Odelle.

François left the table and went to your bedroom. Suddenly, the large house seemed empty. He could hear sounds from the inside of the rooms, but again, nothing else.

He was walking very slowly when he heard his name. At first, it was like a whisper, but when he heard it again, he stopped. There was no one in front of him, so he turned around.

"Abbé." Said the sweet voice. And he recognized it.

It was Madeline.

She was standing there, outstanding as she was those days before everything happened, those days before Roger-Collard arrival. Her hair was tied, and her dress was clean as her skin.

"Abbé." She said again, and smiled.

François had his mouth wide open. He couldn't belive she was there. She was dead! How was that possible? Was he dreaming? Did he died in the dungeon?

"What is it, Abbé? Why do you look at me so scared?"

Her smile vanished. He was really in shock, trembling, feeling a little dissy. The walls of the corridor seemed to twitch around him, and he wanted to cry, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't move.

"Abbé, don't scare me." She said, again his title in her beautiful lips. Then, he reacted, and almost run to her, hugging her strongly and crying.

"Madeline. Oh my God. How...?"

She looked at him, and for a second her face was full of confussion. She arched an eyebrow, and then smiled at him, touching his face with both hands.

"It's something... I can't explain. Just follow me."

Her hands took both of his, and then just one. Her skin was still soft, warm. She guided him through the hallway until they arrived to the empty dining room. And François saw the sky behind the windows, which was dark because of the rain clouds.

He could hear the storm coming and some thunders while they walked to a hallway he hadn't see before. Suddenly, Madeline let go his hands and got closer to the wall. She pushed it, and the wall opened in two. It was a secret door.

The inside was darker than the sky. There were no windows, and just a few candles lighted the place. It was big, and cold. Walls were different from the rest of the house, made with stone. And there was something in the center of the room that François recognized at the moment his eyes got used to darkness.

It was an altar. Big, an made of stone too. Then, he scanned the place better with his eyes, and then he saw something that terrified him for a couple of seconds: people. There were people standing in there.

They were dressed all in black, like cassocks. But no one was a priest. And no one had a normal face: just two orifices as eyes and everything black as the rest of the clothes.

"What is it?" Madeline asked, watching the place as he did.

"Don't you see them?" Said he, as if seeing her wasn't strange enough.

"Who am I supossed to see?" She lifted her eyebrow, smiling at him.

"The people. The..."

Maybe it was his mind. But he was sure she was there, with him. Why did he suddenly see her? Maybe he drank too much, arrived to the bed, and he was just dreaming with her and all that.

"The statues, you mean?" She asked, speaking slowly.

"St... Statues?"

Coulmier was sure he saw people, and not statues. He was sure about that, as the sky clear, blue and without any clouds during the lunch. But then, after Madeline said it, the people were indeed statues. Saint statues.

"Is this... The Charenton chapel? How...?"

But his questions were blown away from his mind at the moment Madeline kissed him with hunger. He closed his eyes after the surprise abandoned him. She still felt the same way. Her lips, her taste. He let himself go, and his hands traveled to her hips, squeezing gently, earning a soft moan from her.

They were in the chapel again. But she wasn't dead as that time. That dream he had five years before this was happening scared the hell out of him. But now, it was all beautiful. She was well, healthy, without any wound.

If this was a dream, he didn't want that kiss to end. The kiss ended, of course, but it was better that what he has thinking. At the second he opened his mouth to say something and probably ruin the moment, Madeline put her fingers in his lips, and he didn't say anything.

"Come on. I still want you. And I hope you still want me, more now that you're not so churchy."

Not so churchy? Madeline was a lot of things. But she never mocked about his work as a priest, or the things he believed in. She respected him, she helped him. And that time they kissed in his bedroom, the one and only real kiss, she understood why he couldn't make love to her.

The word seemed weird to him, like new like new but not totally unintelligible. It wasn't a word that everybody used. It was a word like those the Marquis used. Like those he also used a lot while writing wicked stories.

But again, when his own thoughts filled his mind, Madeline hands went to his sides and then, slowly opening some buttons of his cassock, she let her hands go into his trousers.

When she took his erect manhood in her hands was something really shocking for him. Yes. He still desired Madeline, even if in his mind he knew he was dreaming again with her.

But that feeling... Her fingers caressing his skin, his thumb playing with the tip, wet because of his arousal... He felt himself getting harder, because it was all so real.

"Do you like it, Abbé?" She murmured, and he nodded while passing his tongue over his lips.

She kept touching him like for a minute, opening the rest of the buttons and his shirt too with her free hand. His breathing became faster when her nails caressed the skin of his abdomen and went up to his chest.

She then put her hand flat in the center of his chest. He saw how quickly he was breathing, feeling hotter down there around her hand.

"I can feel your heart in my hand. That's what I do to you?" Said she, moving her fingers to play with the short hair around his nipple, her nails scratching the wound a little.

"Yes." He answered. "I still got like that for you."

"Really? Because I thought you got like that for Y/N only now."

He didn't answer, but it was true. He was scared, aroused. It was all so weird but so exciting that he couldn't control his feelings. But did he still really love Madeline? Was she real? Or a product of his mind.

He repeated himself he used to see her and the Marquis while he was in that cell in Charenton. He talked to them. He was really lost.

But now, he knew she wasn't real. He could enjoy the dream and the feeling she was still among living people. But he knew it was not like that. He was cured. And yes, his faith wasn't the same as before, but the only man who resurrected was Jesus.

"It beats like that for Y/N only. It's just that seeing you here... After those horrible things happened... After you... I can't belive I'm with you, Maddy. But... I..."

There was a moment of silence where she stopped her movements around his cock. His hearth became wilder, but because he was nervous about whst he was just about to say aloud.

"I don't love you anymore, Maddy. Since I met Y/N, I don't love anyone else."

He took her hand out of his pants, and kissed it. Tears came again to his eyes as he touched her cheek, smiling with pain.

"I hope you can forgive me. Forgive me for this. Forgive me for not showing you how much I loved you. Forgive me for not accepting making love to you that night. And forgive me for arriving so late to the basement. I couldn't save you."

She kissed him again, like forgiving him for all he said and more. When the kiss ended, she caressed his neck, and her hands went to his sides, giving him tingles.

"You can't love me. But you can make love to me. What do you say? Don't you wanna do it one last time before you go? Or is it the first time?"

Go? Go where? Out if the mansion, away from the House of Lust? Did she meant that? Or away of his memory forever?

It didn't mind, because seconds later, he didn't know when, Madeline took of her dress and being fully naked and ready for him, she laid in the altar, seducing and waiting for him.

Tagging: @darknessisafriend @five-miles-over @yukis-writing @thegirlwho @jokerflecker @missrockabilly99 @luperugorria99 @weirdflecksbutok @skaraboo @starksclown @sgtsavoytruffle @joaquinisart @sophiefleck @the-queen-of-things @ajokerfangirl @bailaycantaconmingo @joaquinfeed @joaquinphoenixdaily @beatlebabe1996

[honeyoongiah]

Most beautiful coincidence

Pairings: Yoongi x Elly (reader)

Genre: Bookworm! Yoongi AU, fluff

Words: 2.9k

Warnings: none!

Summary: Yoongi spent most of his time in the universities library with his nose in some books to escape from reality. At least until Elly decided to sit on the other side of the shelf and showed him that love stories don't just exist in books.

A/N: another Oneshot that has a special place in my heart. I hope you'll feel the warmth that I felt during the writing process.

It was a surprisingly hot november day as Elly walked down the hallways of her college. Packed with countless books, she made her way to the library to learn how she always did for exams.

The room was cold because the air conditioner tried its best to fight the heat, so she quickly started to shiver in her top and cursed the long summer.

"Isn't it supposed to be a little colder outside?", she mumbled to herself while walking through the library searching for that one book she knew she'd need. Everyone was silent so she tried to be as well, but apparently someone on the other side of the shelf noticed her.

"Global warming."

It was the voice of a boy, but she couldn't see him through the books. He sounded a little annoyed but maybe that was just his normal tone, she wouldn't know.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't want to disturb you.", she said in worry. Most of the people here got really mad for being interrupted and she understood. This was a place of silence to study, but she couldn't control her mumbling sometimes.

The voice buzzed something that sounded like "it's okay" and Elly started to relax again. Just as she looked for a table to sit on, she realized that she was a little too late with that. Every single chair was already taken and she ran her fingers through her hair.

What should she do now?

Well, obviously there were people sitting on the ground in between the shelfs just as this mysterious boy she couldn't see. "Hey uhm, sorry for bothering you again but would you mind if I sit here? The library is full."

"No.", he answered shortly before there was silence again. "Thank you.", Elly answered and smiled friendly until she realized he wouldn't see it.

She had to admit it was somehow calming to know that there was someone right next to her, even if they weren't talking and didn't even know each other.

Sitting down and taking some notes, she didn't realize how time flew by.

"Ohh god I gotta go or I'll miss my lecture.", she talked to herself again and got up, packing her things in a rush.

"Don't run with books in your hand, though. It'll be dangerous for them... and for you too.", the boy answered again, sounding a little amused by his own comment.

"I won't be a threat to the books, I promise. I don't know if I can say the same about me, though.", Elly chuckled. She didn't feel right to just go without saying anything. "So uhm... Goodbye."

"Bye."

With that said she began to rush, but without running, so she wouldn't miss informations that were relevant to her exam.

____

Just a day went by and she had to visit the library again. Without really thinking about it she ended up in the same spot she was yesterday. It had something calming not to sit together with all that stressed and desperate students.

Elly sat down again and leaned her back against the shelf made of wood. She was curious now. Was she alone, or did he happen to be here too?

"Mysterious boy from yesterday? Are you here?"

First there was silence and she already thought that he wasn't here, until she heard a dark chuckle from the other side. "Mysterious boy, huh."

"Oh hello, you're actually here again."

"Well, actually this is my favorite spot since I first entered this college. So I'm rather surprised of you being here again.", he explained and Ellys eyes grew big. "Oh I didn't intend to steal it from you, I'm sorry."

"You didn't. You're on the other side of the shelf."

"Well that's true."

The silence broke over them again, although she began to like talking to him. It had something carefree and noncommittal. So unlike what she felt at the university. He cleared his throat and seemed to be focussed again to what Elly couldn't see from here. Again many minutes passed before he was the one breaking the silence for the first time. "Are you doing well? The subject should be particularly difficult this semester."

Elly sighed and when he heard that, he immediately laughed. "Okay, I have my answer."

"No joke, it's terrible. But I can do it. Thanks for asking."

Suddenly she felt an object pressed against her back, but without hurting her. Amazed, she looked at the book the boy had handed her through the shelf. His hand was thin, his fingers long and also narrow and defined by bones and veins. "Here, that helped me a lot last year."

Fleetingly, she flipped through it and realized immediately how useful it would be for her. "Oh my god, thank you, that will help!"

"My pleasure."

"By the way, my name is Elly. You said the book really helped you last year, so you're a year above me?" For a few seconds she had to wait for an answer and thought he hadn't heard her or didn't want to talk, but then she heard him. "My name is Min Yoongi and yes, I am one year ahead of you."

Elly gave a low ah and nodded her head. "I have never heard of you, although I know so many students here." A few students tried to pass her, but with so many books in the way it was a lot harder. Elly looked at them with an apologetic look. "That doesn't surprise me. I don't even think my lecturer knows that I exist. At least they can't connect my name with a face. I don't go to many lectures, because I rather teach everything myself and spend my time here."

"It's impressive that you can teach yourself.", she marveled, shuddering just at the thought of trying. Sure, she was good at learning on her own but it helped immensely if someone explained it to her. "I just don't like being around People much, I prefer the company of books of all kinds."

"You just weren't around the right People then, Yoongi.", she spoke her thoughts out loud and hoped she didn't cross a line. "You're probably right but I don't even try anymore."

"That's sad though. You might miss someone very special."

The usual silence greeted them again as Yoongi thought about her words.

He really didn't have much emotional connections since he was young, he early began to bury his nose in books he found interesting. The genre didn't really matter to him as long as it had a happy ending.

Yoongi knew that sounded cheesy but he just didn't feel right when stories ended with heartbreak or other pain. He liked to feel that comfortable warmth of satisfaction when everything turned out to be okay.

It was so far from reality, maybe that was what kept him reading all day. He found the real world terrible, not knowing if there will be a happy end for anyone and not being able to skip through the bad parts if he'd like to.

Books never hurt your feelings or leave you behind.

Books were so much more comforting than dealing with his actual life and the people around him. It was definitely way more fun.

"I have to go now.", he told her and got up from the ground. Elly heard the rustling noises next to her and tried to see him through the mass of books next to her, but besides his black pants she didn't see much.

"Okay Yoongi. I hope we'll talk tomorrow?", she asked casually which made him froze in his movements. Why would she want to talk to him again? "Sure. I'll be here.", he answered though, a light smile gracing his face.

_____

A few weeks passed by and Elly couldn't imagine not being in the library every day anymore. She started talking to Yoongi in her free time on the same spot as the day before. And they talked about everything.

The topic didn't really matter, they always managed to find something to say. Either they discussed something and shared their opinions, which were very often the same, or they opened up about personal issues and feelings.

He opened up about his past and why he became so distant, the whole issue with his parents and how they never understood him the way he needed.

Yoongi never did that before. But it felt right to finally do and when he heard Elly saying that this wasn't his fault he knew that he needed to hear that at least once.

Elly talked about her past broken friendships and relationships who hurt her deeply and made her insecure. She told him that she often felt she wasn't enough and he reassured that this feeling wasn't valid.

To him she was enough.

He held her hand through the shelf when he heard her snuffling and brushed his thumb over her skin to calm her a little.

Sometimes they just enjoyed knowing the other one was right beside them when they had tough days or were feeling like a more silent day. They didn't need to talk.

Slowly they became really close although they still didn't know how the other one looked like. It didn't matter to them, they found it funny and special.

Even her grades got better because he always helped her when she needed someone to explain it again. He was calm, patient and didn't set her under any pressure. She felt comfortable telling him when she had a problem.

"Hey Yoongs, I'm back.", she greeted him and sat down on her favorite place in this university. Maybe even in general. "Hey Elly, I've missed you."

"I missed you too. How was your day?", she asked and placed her hand in the shelf which he immediately took into his. That was a new habit that neither of them knew how it began but they enjoyed it.

"It was fine. I took a look on the new curriculum for my semester and learned a few things in advance. Then I started a new book and read it until you came. What about you?"

"You're incredible. How do you teach yourself the whole fucking curriculum? I'll never understand. Can I have your brain please?", she grumbled but still with admiration for him. "You're incredibly intelligent Elly. Don't put yourself down so much." - "T-thank you."

He squeezed her hand and chuckled when he noticed that she was flustered. "It's the truth. I really think you are amazing in any way possible but you need to see it yourself."

"You're so kind. So supportive and caring. I think you are amazing too Yoongi.", she answered while smiling and stared out of the window.

"Would you mind coming over to the other side and sit next to me?", Yoongi asked and took her by surprise. It wasn't that she didn't want to, but that somehow made her nervous. "How come so suddenly?"

"I don't know... I just feel like it. You don't have to though."

"N-no I want to! Wait I'll come.", she quickly said and let go of him to stand up, which made her feel incomplete for a moment. With these words Yoongi felt nervous now too.

He would look the person who knows him best now, with his good sides but all his flaws too, in the eyes for the first time.

Elly was thinking about the same things too. It was somehow scary, but in a good way. She was curious how he looked like, but she was insecure about showing herself. Will he think I'm pretty? Why does that matter to me?

Slowly, but not too slowly for Yoongi to notice how unsure she was, she walked around the shelf that separated them for the past months now and immediately met two dark brown eyes looking at her.

She smiled shyly and sat down next to him.

Yoongi was too overwhelmed to really hide his staring. He admired every inch of her, trying to imprint the details of her face in his mind. She truly was beautiful to him.

He gently stroked a wisp of hair behind her ear and made her blush. Without him noticing she was admiring him too. His blonde hair she'd really like to touch, his brown eyes which sent out warmth and looked so vulnerable and his soft looking red lips.

"So... uhm what are you reading at the moment?", she tried to break the tension between the two, even though it felt good having his eyes on her. "Oh, I'm reading a novel about- wait do you really want to know?" - "You like the book don't you? So yes I do want to know."

His lips parted while he thought about where to start. He took the book in his hands and let his fingertips run over the cover. "Well, it's about a young detective who tries to solve a murder in the city he lives in, near his own home. He consults a lot of people and there is where he meets this woman for the first time."

Elly listened to him with honest interest and Yoongi didn't feel so good in years. He wasn't used to people caring about what he was reading, but she did. "He starts to develop feelings, but she's the prime suspect in his case. Although he really wants to believe her that she is innocent, everything speaks against her. So he's in a big discrepance."

While he continues talking about how they try to find the real murderer and that Yoongi still isn't sure if she is innocent but hopes for it because he wants a happy end, Elly noticed the sparkle in his eyes.

She could see how comfortable and happy he was feeling right now and she couldn't suppress a loving smile. "And then he- wait why are you smiling?", he interrupted himself and looked at her confused.

"You just look so happy. It makes me smile.", she blurred out and felt shy about it right away. "I uhm... yes I am. I enjoy spending time with you."

Elly didn't know how much time passed while she looked into his eyes, she could drown in them. Only his voice brought her back. "Would you like to spend time with me outside of this library?"

"Y-yes! Of course. I know a better library only 20 minutes away from here.", she teased him and he laughed. It took every nervousness away. "I'm serious Elly. I don't know much about these things, but I know that I want to spend more time with you. Would you like to go eat something after lecture today?"

He found her so cute with red cheeks, it suited her overall cuteness he thought. "Yes Yoongi, I'd love to."

Her words made him weak, he never experienced something like this before. Yoongi only read about it in books.

Was it really his turn this time? Is it possible that he could be as happy as the characters in his books? Was he really blessed to experience something like that too?

These thoughts didn't leave him when they both left the university for today. Yoongi suggested to go to one of her favorite restaurants if she has one, since he didn't really go out much.

Quickly they figured they didn't want to sit inside though, but just get something and go to a place Yoongi told her about a few times. It was a single bench in the middle of nowhere but with a beautiful view of the city.

"You said you like reading here if you're not in the library, right?", Elly asked when in between her bites. "Yes. It's so calming and silent here. It's my special place."

Elly put her box down and parted her lips, just like she wanted to say something, but remained silent. "What did you want to say?", Yoongi asked because of course he noticed. He looked only at her, even though his favorite view was right in front of him.

"It's nothing. I'm embarrassed to say it.", she admitted and buried her face in her hands. Yoongi was sure he never saw something so pure. "It's okay, you don't have to be ashamed of anything. Just tell me.", he said and came a little closer.

He took one of her hands and held her just as he did many times while they were hanging out in the library. Both thought they were fitting into each other perfectly. "I think you made the library to my own special place, Yoongi."

If she was a book, Yoongi would read her again and again. He thought she was so perfect, every little bit of her. She was that type of girl people were writing books about he enjoyed and he never thought they existed in reality.

But it seemed like he found her and therefore his own story.

"I'm glad I started talking to you out of the sudden and got to know you. You are the most beautiful coincidence of my life.", he confessed and stroked her cheek with this thumb.

She smiled at his words, her heart beating so fast when he leaned over with half closed eyes and his nose brushing against hers. "Can I kiss you now?", he whispered and she felt his breath on her skin.

An almost not audible "yes" left her mouth and he gently lay his lips on hers. He felt so soft against her, she could feel how careful and loving he was treating her.

After separating again he kissed her nose and made her chuckle before saying: "I really like you, Elly."

[ma-gic-gay]

The next day, they show up to court on time, as expected. There's a large gaggle of reporters in the room and an even larger group of witnesses. Most are for Carly, of course, but a few are probably for Cyrus. After all, you don't make it this long in the business without having any friends who will back you in court.

Court starts fairly quickly, opening statements passing dully before the first witness, Elizabeth, is called to the stand. "Mrs. Baldwin, you were the nurse to treat Mrs. Corinthos right after her rape and kidnapping, correct?" Diane asks.

"That is correct, yes."

"Now, can you describe to me what you saw when she was brought in, in terms of injuries and just how she looked?"

"She was beaten up pretty bad; you can still see some of her bruises. Jason was carrying her in, but she was still snarking with me, so I could tell she was distracting herself. She seemed like she was processing what happened to her still. Now, I don't know much about how she acts in most situations in general, but I could tell something had happened and it wasn't good from her body language and from the way she seemed a lot more... Fragile."

Carly scoffs from her seat in the courtroom, "Fragile?"

"She's testifying for you, Carly. Play nice." Robert whispers.

"This is nice," she shoots back before redirecting her attention to the testimony.

"Now, you and Carly don't get along very well, do you?" Diane questions.

"Understatement."

"Then why did you volunteer to testify?"

"Because this is something that's bigger than the fact that we can't get along. This is a traumatic experience for her no one deserves to go through. So I put aside my own personal feelings for her and volunteered to testify." Elizabeth answers, smiling at the blonde, who actually manages a real smile back. A minor victory, but he's counting it as one.

"I retire this witness," Diane says before sitting down at her chair again.

"Now, Mrs. Baldwin, you discussed your dislike of Mrs. Corinthos a minute ago, did you not?" Cyrus's lawyer, who's name is Addison Helstrom, questions her.

"We don't get along, yes."

"But you have a child with her best friend, correct?"

"That is correct; Jason and I have a little boy named Jake."

"And did you and Mr. Morgan ever engage in a romantic relationship?"

"Objection, relevance. Asking witness about her relationships has nothing to do with this trial, on any count." Robert objects.

"I'm merely trying to establish a relationship with Mrs. Corinthos here."

"Overruled. You may answer."

"Yes, we were in a relationship at one point." Elizabeth answers uncomfortably.

"Did this contribute to your dislike of Mrs. Corinthos?"

"Objection, relevance. We're not having their feelings on trial here, we're having the charges against Mr. Renault. As far as I can tell, questioning Mrs. Baldwin about her social life isn't affecting that." Diane objects.

"Trying to establish a relationship between them."

"Overruled. You may proceed."

"My relationship with him didn't affect my feelings about Carly, if that's what you're asking. I'd already had the dislike for years by that point."

"Now, do you believe that someone could hate her enough to kidnap her?"

"It's happened plenty of times before."

"A yes or no will suffice," Addison says sharply.

"Yes, I do believe people could hate her enough to kidnap her. It's happened before."

"Do you believe that Mr. Renault could kidnap someone?"

"There's not much he could do that I wouldn't believe. Kidnapping Carly and raping her, that doesn't strike me as something he wouldn't do, along with the rest of the charges against him."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, he's done or arranged a lot of things in this town since he's been here. Even if he's made it so that you can't trace it back to him, we all know that it's his fault that overdoses have gone up, along with a whole other slew of crimes he's had other people commit."

"So, speculation in town has helped this? Mrs. Baldwin, you're a town gossip. Are you sure that you should be talking here?"

"Objection, harassing the witness."

"Sustained."

"I retire this witness," Addison says before sitting down again as Michael's called to the stand.

Flashback

"Carly, enough! Yes, alright, I'm Jake's father. Happy?"

"No. You lied to me, for over a year, about being his father! Me! I'm your best friend! And you lied to me because why, because Liz told you to?"

"Stop badmouthing her!"

"No! Jason, you're not telling me things because of her! You're keeping secrets, you're acting like she's the most important thing in your life. You've let her manipulate you into thinking you don't deserve to be Jake's father! I remember how you were with Michael when he was a baby and he turned out great," Carly shouts at him, hurt and betrayed.

"Jake's not safe with me as his father," he defends his decision to her angry laughter.

"Really? That's your defense? He isn't safe? Jason, you'd give your life in a second for any of the people you care about so don't give me that bullshit. Lizzie really does have you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she? I mean, god, what does she mean to you?"

"She's the mother of my child."

"I found out from Sam that you're Jake's father, Jason! Sam! Who else knows about this? Who else did you trust with this more than me? Who else did you decide got to know that you became a father while I sat there, thinking that kid was my cousin's? Please, tell me who means more to you than me. Give me a list." She shouts, tears streaming angrily down her face and making this conversation a lot harder.

"It's not like that-"

"The hell it isn't! You became a father and I had to find it out from Sam, of all people. Sam, who hates me. So who else matters more than me, who else deserved to know this more than me? Sonny?"

"Fine, you want to know who else knows about this? Lucky and Sonny. That's it. They're the only people we told," Jason shouts back. "So yes, your cousin knows that he's not Jake's father."

"Is this a bad time?" Elizabeth asks, walking in. "I can go."

"No, please, stay, Elizabeth! Clearly, you're worth keeping one of the most important things to happen in his life from me, so I'll go and leave you two to it. Maybe you can make another kid and hide that from me for a year!" Carly says. "I'll go. Clearly I'm not wanted."

"Excuse me?" Elizabeth asks, confused. "What the hell is she talking about?"

"She knows about Jake."

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you have to say for yourself? You managed to trick him into thinking he shouldn't be a father to his son! Because, you love him, but you hate his dirty life, right? This is the way for you to keep your claws in him and distance the life you think is too low for you to deal with. God, Elizabeth, this is working out so fucking perfectly for you! You get to keep Lucky and you get to keep your claws in Jason at the same time. Congratulations!" Carly says sarcastically.

"Look, the adults who matter in his life have already decided this is for the best." Elizabeth counters. "And you're right, I do love Jason."

"Not enough to be with him! Not enough to let him be a father to his child! Not enough to even think of ruining your perfect little saint act by admitting to yourself that the reason you hate him is the thing that sustains him. So don't you dare start fucking preaching to me."

"Carly, stop!" Jason says, standing between the two fighting women. "This is exactly why I didn't tell you!"

"You know what? I'm not even mad at you, Elizabeth. I'm beyond angry you managed to get him to agree to not take fathership of his own child, but you're not the one who hurt me here. You did, Jason. How do you become a father and hide that from me? The biggest thing to ever happen to your happens and you didn't tell me but you told Sonny. You told Sam. You decided that Sonny, Sam, and Elizabeth are the most important people in your life. I'm no longer on that list. When did that happen?" Carly asks, half sobbing by this point.

"What are you talking about? You're my best friend. Of course you're one of the most important people in my life," Jason asks, confused.

She laughs, but it's absent of any humor and full of hurt. "I'm your best friend but you hide this from me. You hid this from me. The single most important thing to ever happen in your life happens and I'm not on the list of people who get to know. No, but Sonny is! Sam is!"

"Sam knows because Jake's why we broke up. And Sonny knows because I needed to talk about it with someone."

"And that someone couldn't be me?" Carly asks, voice breaking. "You had to talk to someone and the person you talked to couldn't be me, your supposed best friend. No, you talked to my ex husband about this. When did I lose my place in your life, and when did he fill it? Or, did Elizabeth," the name comes out venomous, he's half sure she's going to kill someone with it, "take it? Please, tell me when I lost my best friend to fucking Elizabeth Webber."

"You didn't lose me."

"Like hell I didn't! You hid this from me!"

"Because it's what's best for my son!"

"Is it? Or is it what's best for Elizabeth? You agreeing to pretend not to be Jake's father means that she gets to keep her perfect reputation and you, what, you just pretend you don't have a son for the rest of your life?" When he doesn't respond, she laughs again, still full of hurt and absent of humor. "Just tell me this, were you ever going to tell me about it?"

"I don't know." He admits slowly, watching as she practically dissolves into hysterics.

"You don't know? You were going to keep this a secret for the rest of your life? You would go to the grave without telling me about this, about your son?" Carly asks, sobbing by now. "How would you feel if I did that to you?"

"I'd be pissed," he agrees.

"Then why the hell did you do it? Why did you hurt me?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well, you should've thought of that before you hid from me that you're a father," she responds sharply, wiping her tears and collecting herself. "You know what, I'm going to leave."

"Carly, you don't have to go," Jason offers.

"Yeah, yeah I do. I've got to go somewhere that doesn't remind me of the fact my best friend just betrayed me." Carly says before walking to the door. "I guess I should've known better than to go anywhere near this mess. Then again, I always thought you were the only person who'd never lied to me."

With that, she walks out the door. And, as far as he knew, out of his life forever.

"Well, for once, I agree with her," Elizabeth sighs, smiling. "She shouldn't have stuck her nose where it doesn't belong."

"Stop, Elizabeth."

"What? I'm not lying, she had no business inserting herself into this-"

"I've got to go find her."

"Why? Because she's mad? Carly's a big girl, Jason, she can deal with being mad every now and then. She needs to understand that we made the right decision for our son."

"Because she's my best friend and I'm pretty sure she's as close to hating me as she's ever been. I need to fix this."

End of flashback

"Thank you," Carly thanks Elizabeth.

"I just told the truth." Elizabeth smiles before leaving the courtroom for work.

"I never thought I'd say this, and this doesn't make me a fan of hers by any means, but she definitely helped our case. I don't know if I'd be able to do it if I were her." Carly whispers to Jason, who just smiles to himself in response. "I'm still not buying her whole saint act though."

"Mr. Corinthos, you've had your fair share of spats with Mr. Renault over the past couple of years, correct?"

"That's one way to put it, yes."

"Can you explain that answer?"

"He's presented a serious threat to my family since he stepped foot in Port Charles, so we've been in several arguments. The biggest came when my wife, Willow, who was pregnant at the time, somehow got kidnapped and was found, tied up, in one of his warehouses. Mr. Renault's doing what he did to my mother a few nights ago hurt my entire family." Michael explains calmly. He's a good testifier, very calm and assured while also not being too cocky. Probably comes from all of the testifying he's done.

"You believe he would kidnap your mother, correct?"

"Yes. My mother's been one of his chief enemies, second only to my father and Jason Morgan."

"Now, do you think he has an obsession with your mother?"

"I try to spend as little time as possible with him, but yes, I believe he's probably got an obsession with my mother. After all, he had one with Willow before he kidnapped her."

"Have you ever seen Mr. Renault harassing your mother? Loitering at areas she's at, things like that."

"Yes, numerous times. My mother can handle herself, so I don't step in, but yes, he does harass her regularly."

"I retire this witness."

"Mr. Corinthos, you're close with Mr. Morgan, correct?"

"Yes, Jason's like a second father to me."

"And you love your mother, correct?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you believe that they would concoct a story of a kidnapping and rape in an effort to hurt him?"

"No. Never in their lives would either of them lie about a kidnapping or rape. Especially not when there's evidence both took place."

"So you believe they're good people?"

"Objection, relevance."

"Sustained."

"I retire this witness."

Flashback

"I come with the boys."

"I think the proper greeting is hello."

"Whatever. Come on, you are going with us to the park. It'll be fun."

"Carly, I have-"

"Work and, lucky for you, it can wait. You know what can't? The park. It's beautiful outside and you are going to go play with my boys outside to take your mind off of everything." Carly insists. "Come on, let's not keep them waiting. They're rowdy enough as it is."

"You can't just storm in here and-"

"Too late, I have. Come on, Jason, it's gorgeous outside and the boys really want to see you."

"Fine," he sighs, giving in.

"I knew you'd cave."

In lieu of a response, he rolls his eyes and they leave the office to the presence of two very loud boys. "Jason!" They yell excitedly, running over to him.

"You see, I don't get a greeting like this every time they see me. I think they like you better." Carly jokes.

"Didn't you say something about the park, Carly?"

"Just change the subject, it's fine," she sighs. "Alright boys, to the park we go!"

The boys chatter excitedly the whole way there, talking about everything from their latest school projects to the video game they just got to pretty much anything having to do with them. That's one trait they got from their mother.

When they finally arrive at the park, the boys run over to the jungle gym excitedly, leaving them to themselves. "Things any better on the Sonny front?"

"Nope. He's still with Emily."

"Well, you do know you're doing the right thing, right? Fighting him on it, even if he doesn't see it now. Emily is going to get hurt and you, better than anyone, know that."

A few minutes pass and Michael walks up to them. "Jason, how come I look more like you than my dad?" He asks. "And how come I haven't always been a Corinthos?"

Jason and Carly exchange a glance before sitting down and gesturing for him to sit in between them. "It's a long story, bud. You sure you want to listen to it?"

"Yeah."

"Alright. Well, you know how Sonny's your dad, legally and emotionally and stuff? Well, biologically, your dad is actually my brother, AJ Quartermaine. For the first year or so of your life, you lived with me and your mom."

"So I'm a Quartermaine?" He asks, confused. "Like Emily?"

"By blood. And legally, for a few months." Carly answers. "Michael, when you were born, AJ couldn't be a good father to you. He threatened to take you from me. So I had Jason take care of you. I practically begged for him to say he was your father because Tony Jones, a doctor who I'd also been involved with, wanted you too. I knew if I didn't have someone on my side, preferably him, I'd lose you."

"And he agreed to help you out and say I was his. So wait, I was a Morgan?"

"For a while, yeah. AJ, though, he found out you weren't mine, you were his, and he was going to sue Carly for full custody of you. So she married him to save herself and he changed your name to Quartermaine."

"So I went from a Morgan to a Quartermaine to a Corinthos?"

"Yeah. Your dad and I, we got together and I got pregnant."

"With Morgan?"

"No, that, uh, that baby didn't make it. I miscarried him. But your dad and I stayed with each other and we got married to keep him out of jail. Eventually, though, we really fell in love so we renewed our vows and he adopted you. So that's how you became a Corinthos."

"That's complicated."

"Yeah, yeah it is."

"So wait," he asks, turning to Jason, "you were my dad for a year?"

"Yes I was."

"Cool. So is that why I look like you?"

"Well no, you look like me because I guess AJ and I look alike."

"Not really."

"Well, then it must be that the combination of your mom and him made you look like me, Michael."

"I guess," he says, shrugging your shoulders. "Are you sure you're not my dad biologically?"

"Yes, we are."

"Alright. Well, I'm going to go swing."

End of flashback

To be continued when I wake up or something idfk

@ryleighjosephine

[justagayguysworld-blog]

Not sure what you will think of this one, but my mind inhabits the most unusual of places.

It was the last beer and we'd shared it on the way to town for another twelve-pack. I barely knew Antonio. He'd only been there a couple of weeks, but it was the damnedest thing I'd ever seen. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, could talk to a horse the way he did. I thought it was a fluke the first time. Then he did it again and I knew it couldn't be natural.

We had a contract with the state for wild mustang management. It wasn't the easiest job in the world, but I liked the outdoors and it beat hell out of watching my old man slap his third or fourth wife around. Maybe Sheila was the fifth; I'd stopped counting or giving much of a shit by that point. For my purposes at nineteen, it was a godsend they'd hired me and paid my bus fare to Utah. We rounded them up, checked them for diseases, tagged them, sold off the limit, gave them their shots and then trucked them back to the desert.

I'd been at the ranch for maybe three months when he came up one night seemingly outta nowhere and sat next to me at the fire. I greeted him in what little Spanish I knew. "Save it, dude. I speak English." And that was that.

One of the stallions was raising bloody hell in the pen and stirring up the other horses. I stood up to see if I could go quiet him down. Antonio braced a hand on my knee and said as he was standing, "Can I borrow that? Thanks." He took the beer out of my hand, turned it up and walked over to the corral with it in his hand. Sitting the bottle on the post, he hopped the fence, picked the bottle up and walked straight over to the hellraiser.

Just walked inside like he owned the place. He was fixing to get trampled to death near as I could tell, when he grabbed that bad boy by his mane and said something. The horse shook its head side to side. Antonio jerked harder on a handful of hair, the horse quieted down and lowered its head. Then the crazy fuck turned up that bottle, and I swear to God, I saw a mustang down the rest of my beer.

Tossing the bottle over, he walked back to the fence and hopped it again like nothing had happened. Picking up the empty he came back to the campfire and said, "Sorry about that. Can I get you another?"

Stunned, I asked, "What the fuck was that about?"

"Horses can smell fear. And some of them like beer." He walked away leaving me gape-jawed and went to the bunkhouse for another round. When he came back with our longnecks, he twisted the lid off one with his forefinger and thumb. I'd never seen anyone do that either.

Bottle in hand, I asked, "Where you from?"

"Can't say exactly. I tend to move around a lot. Guess you could call me a restless spirit." Bending down, he placed the same hand on my knee again to sit like an old man trying to find his bearings and steady himself. I hadn't noticed it earlier, but the chill of his touch radiated through my jeans to my kneecap.

The hand was just as icy when he extended it. "Antonio. What's your name, cowboy?"

"Jason. Jason Sparks. But most people just call me Rufus or asshole. Seems I'm the low man on the totem pole around here."

He laughed and said, "Not anymore. I just blew into town. I'll be working the night shift."

"Night shift? I wasn't aware we had one."

"Yeah, I'm something of a specialist. These positions can be hard to fill. Not everybody can handle an alcoholic horse with bad dreams."

I literally fell off the log laughing. Struggling to get up, Antonio grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me back to an upright position. Without any real effort on my part, I found my ass firmly planted on the log again. If he was superman, I didn't see where he could be hiding the muscles. We were about the same size and weight from what I could tell. He chuckled and mumbled something about horses not being the only alcoholics in those parts.

"I'll drink to that. Let me get us one more beer and then I guess I'll turn in for the night. Where are you bunking?"

"Next to you if there's room still available at the inn. Larry said to grab any empty bed I could find. And yours kind of looked like a mess when I was stowing my gear. But at least it didn't smell like shit."

Stopping to take a piss I wondered how he knew which bed was mine, but in the quest for brewskis I'd forgotten the question by the time I returned. As if reading the mind I was in the process of losing, he stated very matter-of-factly, "You don't smell like a cowboy or a horse with a drinking problem."

Not knowing exactly how to or if I should reply, I thought a moment and said, "Generally speaking, I don't go around smelling cowboys or their sheets, and I damned sure ain't smelling a horse's breath to see if they've been drinking."

He must've sensed my unease. Clinking his bottle against mine, he offered, "Sorry, I have a really weird nose. It smells the strangest damned things. Guess that's why I'm good with the horses. I smell what they smell."

"Ain't nothing wrong with your nose, Antonio," I blurted out. "You have a real nice nose. Most of these ugly old bastards have had their's broken in so many bar fights, I don't really want to think about it, much less how they smell."

Bumping his shoulder against mine, he clinked his nearly empty bottle to mine and said, "Yeah, I'll take loving over fighting any time I can. Probably why I get along with the horses and avoid divorces.

We had minimal contact after that. Other than rolling over or the occasional fart, I didn't hear much out of him for the next two weeks. Except in my dreams if I'm going to be perfectly damned honest about this. And generally speaking, I didn't have much of a habit dreaming about other men, at least not in that way. But there he was, more than once, pretty damned specifically. If I'd been anyone else, it would've been hard to ignore. Only I'd learned to master any direct concern for my actual feelings, and dick management had never been an issue for me personally.

The crew I was working was out on range management. I'd barely been back to the place long enough to sleep, much less for fireside chitchat. Then Saturday night came, we were going to take a couple days off and there he was. Just like in my damned dreams. I have no reason to lie. It was disconcerting when I saw him sprawled out there next to the fire. Not a care in the world, acting as if he'd grown up right out of the ground on that very spot, he smiled.

Looking me directly in the eye as if he hadn't invaded my dreams, he said casually as a cousin, "Hey Jason Sparks, if you're going to the house, could you grab me another cold one?" It had been a particularly hard week, I was bone-ass tired and his nose still wasn't broken in six different places. Two beers later we were left alone with a raging fire and the feelings I was experiencing that matched that blaze. I really wanted to kick his ass. Antonio had seriously fucked with my head, and he didn't seem to know or at least care.

He got up for the third round. It wasn't my knee he touched that sent icy shivers up my spine this time. It was my thigh. About three inches below the part that separates the men from the boys. Close enough for discomfort, I met his glaze and that fire was dancing in his eyes. His nose still wasn't broken, but the quiet smirk on his face made me seriously think about rearranging it.

Fucker scratched my head as he walked away like I was some kind of damned puppy in love. Brought back another round and said, "These are the last ones, Jason Sparks. Let's polish them off and make a run into town. I'm still thirsty. If you'll drive, I'll buy."

That was the night and I guess the moment that changed or ended my life. Something deep inside me could hear it slowly rumbling. I'd seen it in those dreams. I simply didn't have the power to say no or the least of will to fight him. And we weren't struggling. I guess that was what's so odd about it. Everything in my body and soul knew it was happening, even if my conscious mind was slow in catching up. I wanted him. I'd be the worst kind of liar if I said I didn't. And I knew he knew it.

He took my hand and pulled me up off the ground. I could've just as easily staggered to my feet of my own accord. But he wanted that ice running through my veins clashing with my toasted toes inside those boots. And I felt it. Felt it thoroughly as we climbed in the truck and started the motor. Only once did he touch my body on the way to the store. It was completely casual and anything but innocent as the shivers raced up and down my spine.

He went in and came out. I felt very strange. Almost in an out-of-body floating feeling I drove away into the darkness of the rural night. I still remember. It was as vivid, quiet and unstoppable as a freight train bearing down on the family sedan stalled on the side of the tracks.

"Pull over." I could've kept driving, but the truth was that I'd pulled over two weeks before. "I said pull over, Jason Sparks." He didn't have to ask again. And the truth, as he very well knew, is that I'd been wanting to pull over my whole life. The cab of the truck was full of echoes and whispers as I floated above my body while it and he crawled into the back seat. Voices were everywhere, the engine was running and for the first time in my life I didn't give a damn.

I thought in some delirious way I was about to kiss a boy, but that wasn't it. That wasn't it at all. My feelings, those secreted desires weren't important. We weren't boys. I'd become a man without realizing or acknowledging it, and that brief period of my life was about to end abruptly.

It was brutal. How could I possibly forget when he folded down the lambswool collar of my jacket and sunk his teeth into my flesh? I could've fought him off, but I'd already struggled my whole life to be something different than what I was. Antonio was reconciling my conflicts, meeting my innermost longings and he'd bought the beer.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: [Bank statement screenshot, his transfer circled] Rio: Is that you??? Buster: What? Rio: Did you transer that money, 'cos it's the amount I told you Ryan owes me, and around the time I told you, so Buster: You aren't ever getting it from that cunt Rio: That doesn't mean you have to foot the bill! Rio: Buster, oh my god Buster: It means he's got less of an excuse to come around though Buster: Worth it for that Rio: You must think I'm so ungrateful, I thought it was from the streams, I didn't clock it 'til now Buster: I didn't do it so you'd be grateful Buster: I have better methods for that, like Rio: Are you sure? Rio: I won't touch it, 'case you change your mind Rio: but thanks Buster: Don't be an idiot Buster: I don't want it back Rio: It's a lot of money that you don't owe me Buster: Nah Buster: It's like a piece from Nance's summer wardrobe or whatever Rio: I know Rio: and I already raided said wardrobe once, like Buster: Only what she left behind Buster: Nothing she cares about Rio: Still that good shit though Rio: not that I've priced it all up to put on poshmark or anything but you know Buster: Get that sorted for next time Buster: Anything you don't wanna keep yourself that is Buster: 💄 maybe Rio: 'Course Rio: was my colour Buster: Yeah Rio: Now I really owe you, yeah? Buster: Not for that Buster: I'm not trying to buy it, you know Rio: I know Rio: I will think of something though Buster: Good 'cause I can't stop thinking about you Rio: Same Rio: but reversed Rio: not that self-absorbed or feeling this bitch rn Buster: You should Buster: You look fucking good right now Rio: You would say that, perv 😉 Buster: Not sorry Buster: It's true Rio: Too early for truthing Rio: though thanks to all-inclusive i've been off my face nearly this entire time on cheap wine Buster: So what you'd rather a dare? Rio: 😂 Yeah Rio: what kinda of boring bitch picked truth, 'less they wanted to tell all their mates who they fancied Buster: I'm never bored of hearing how much you fancy me, babe Rio: Shut up 😏 Rio: about how mature i feel rn Rio: though glad you've grown, cuter now, like Buster: Are you saying I was an ugly kid? Buster: Bullshit and just rude to be honest Rio: No, just that you've got better with age Rio: don't start with me, accept the compliment like i'm accepting the cash 😜 Buster: Alright Buster: cheers then Rio: Welcome Rio: see, wasn't that nice? Buster: Shut up Buster: I've been nice to you loads of times Rio: I know Rio: I've been the cunt this time, like Buster: You're not Rio: Hmm, jury ain't even out on that one but imma use my time wisely Rio: gonna go straight guv Buster: Don't Buster: You actually would be in danger of being a boring bitch then Buster: And you ain't bad as is, like Rio: Now who's being rude, you don't need to take my place, babe Rio: Idk, undoubtly won't last, hasn't stuck yet, like Rio: sick of feeling like crap and acting or being treated like it Buster: I'm just saying, sin with me first, babe Buster: Do you really feel that bad? I know you didn't want a truth but you can tell me Rio: That doesn't count, I've decided Rio: mostly 'cos I really want to but no one's gonna know so no one can get fucked over, like Rio: Right now, yeah Rio: I didn't wanna go and leave Indie and things are weird between us rn as is Buster: She's alive I've seen the evidence Buster: but yeah I know Buster: Has he contacted you since you got there? Buster: Either he, like Rio: Yeah, I know she'll be alright, made sure but Rio: A few times Buster: And? Rio: Ryan just liking my pictures loving being the reason I'm here having a shit time on my tod Rio: Drew asking when my next shift was, so clearly been to see Indie, Dad of the year Buster: Twat Buster: Do you wanna come home? Rio: That's the thing Rio: not really Rio: Christ 😂 sob story moment Buster: You're allowed Buster: And you don't need my permission anyway, like Rio: I know I did it Rio: but everything is fucked at home rn Buster: Babe you haven't done anything Rio: I must've flirted with Drew too much and too real Rio: then the stupid fucking stream Rio: if Ryan has told anyone and my fam find out or get shit for it Rio: which he definitely will, fuck Rio: could explain the burlesque style of things but that was just fucking porn Rio: no escaping it Buster: Rio Buster: breathe, yeah? Buster: Drew's a grown ass man first of all and sketchy as fuck since he's been around. Indie knows Buster: She's not gonna blame you for him being a fucking perv Buster: And I've told you before, I'll shut Ryan up, 'cause I can and will Rio: Yeah Rio: Okay Rio: I just don't feel like I'm sorting anything from here Rio: 'cos I ain't Rio: I always fix things Buster: Exactly Buster: So let me do it this time Buster: I've got you, alright Rio: but it's not your mess Buster: So? Rio: so Rio: why Buster: So you can focus on having a not shit time Buster: That was the whole idea of you going, remember? Rio: Missed that memo Rio: here's me hiding in shame like Buster: Don't Rio: Try Rio: fuck's sake, do i have to admit i should've let you help from the start Buster: No, but I ain't gonna be mad if you do, obviously Buster: Just tell me what I can do now, yeah? Buster: What do you need? Rio: Don't reckon pride's gonna allow that just yet but then again Rio: gonna ask you to keep me company again though so maybe I can deal if I can admit I need that Rio: alone time's all well and good but feeling really fucking alone, like, nah Rio: not so much Buster: So let me come and keep you company for real Rio: can you? Buster: I wouldn't have said it if I couldn't Buster: I can be there Rio: do you wanna though? Rio: not exactly sold it Buster: Like I said, I'm not trying to buy you Rio: yeah Rio: well, if you did come Rio: i'd be happy about it Buster: Then I'm packing Rio: Buster Buster: What? Rio: Thanks Buster: Let me earn it first, babe Rio: Overachiever Buster: You say that like it's not the best thing to happen to you Rio: 😏 Rio: I ain't mad about it but don't ruin it, boy Buster: You reckon I could? Buster: I know how bad you want me, it'd take more than words Rio: True Rio: can't be bothered to lie about it now Buster: Good Buster: Don't lie to me Rio: I won't Rio: Can't, your annoyingly perceptive, like Buster: Well yeah, got my twin's share too, didn't I? Rio: Mean! Buster: Still true Rio: You don't have to say EVERY true thing just 'cos it is Buster: Not saying it to her, am I, she don't have to handle it Rio: 🙄 Rio: She's doing her best, bless her Rio: like the rest of us Buster: Maybe she should try a bit harder Buster: Like the rest of us Rio: She's changed a lot since she came to my School, you know Buster: Good for her Rio: Just saying Buster: Whatever Rio: Focus on packing Buster: It's done Buster: Not some amateur like Rio: know i don't plan on letting you leave the bed much but Rio: probably pack some outfits, babe Rio: how did you do it that fast Buster: 😏 Buster: I know you're more adventurous than that, babe Buster: Not gonna hide you away in the room when I can fuck you anywhere Rio: i did manage to get a room with a decent balcony, actually Buster: That's a start Rio: how soon can you get here Buster: There's a flight in a few hours then plus the actual time in the air, like Rio: Good Rio: Your 'rents cool? Buster: They could care less Buster: What else is summer for? Buster: Work hard, play hard, basically on our family crest Rio: 👍 Rio: I feel it Buster: Not gonna tell them I'm travelling to fuck you senseless Buster: Probably less approving of that but you know Rio: 😳 Rio: can't have them after me too, like Buster: I'd never let that happen Buster: I'm coming to make things better not worse Rio: You're too good Rio: to me and in general like Rio: got me weak 😩 Buster: You ain't seen nothing yet, babe Buster: Be ready for it Rio: You know I've BEEN ready Buster: Yeah but it's not just talk now, is it? Rio: Never been just talk Rio: unless you packing disappointment for me, like Buster: Shut up Buster: You know everything I've put in this case you'll wanna rip off me Rio: Just don't bill me for your dry cleaning Buster: Like you could afford it Rio: 😤 Rio: my point but don't be so rude Buster: Mine's that we gonna ruin half this Buster: That's why I packed so fast Rio: thank god i packed some decent shit in my own mad dash Rio: no excuse not to be seen with me now Buster: I'm done making excuses, believe me Buster: I don't care what you're wearing I just want to take it off you Rio: I know but I still want you to enjoy the view whilst doing it Buster: You know I will Buster: You're so hot it drives me insane Rio: Yeah Rio: I genuinely reckon when we finally get to fuck my life is gonna feel less shit because i actually feel mental how much i think about it Rio: no pressure 😂 Buster: I perform well under pressure Buster: No worries Rio: so fucking capable Rio: jesus Rio: such a turn on Buster: good Buster: 'cause I swear everything you do gets to me Rio: yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: i'm glad Rio: all i wanna do is turn you on and get you off Buster: It's finally gonna happen Rio: I know, I get to feel it Rio: taste it Buster: fuck I bet you taste so good Rio: you can find out as soon as you get here Rio: already so wet ready for you Buster: Jesus Buster: I need to Rio: make me cum with your tongue before you fuck me Rio: i'll be so hot and tight on your dick Buster: Babe Rio: Yes? 😇 Buster: You're perfect Rio: perfect for you Buster: Yeah Rio: You are for me Rio: I have to have you Buster: You can have me as many times as you want Buster: There's nothing to stop us once this plane ride is over Rio: I intend to Rio: Not gonna be satisfied with just once Rio: waited and wanted too long Buster: I've never agreed with you more Rio: Good thing no one else can ever know, right? Buster: My ego won't agree after I've made you cum more than you ever have but Buster: I'll forgo the brag this once Rio: Realisitcally you already got 'em beat, how many times I've screwed myself and pretended it was you Rio: Brag all you want, just don't put my name down as a reference, like 😂 Buster: Bragging won't feel as good as any of this anyway Buster: You think you like my odds now but just wait until I'm inside you or been eating you out for hours Buster: The competition just won't exist Rio: Fucking hell Rio: my brain won't exist Rio: i need to not think for a while Rio: only think about making you feel as good as you make me Buster: That's all I want too Buster: Fuck it Rio: you've earnt it, daddy Rio: gonna take care of you like you do me Buster: How long until somebody misses you? Buster: I'm not even there yet and I already don't want to leave Rio: Ugh, I took a week so we've got Rio: 3 days left Buster: You don't need to sleep, right? Rio: If I do wake me up by pressing your hard on into my ass Rio: 😍 best way to wake up Buster: Least I can do Rio: what's the most Rio: i want that Buster: You'll have to fall asleep to find out Buster: Depends what you want more, really Buster: 'Cause being awake will be very tempting, like Rio: but but 😖 Rio: i just want you constantly idc Rio: i'm yours for the weekend use me however and whenever you want Buster: You have no idea how many times I've imagined you saying shit like that to me Rio: and i wanted to Rio: had to make sure you did too Buster: Thank Christ we both know now Rio: Now it doesn't have to be all fantasy Rio: I want to do everything you've ever thought about me doing to you, let you do everything you've ever dreamed of Buster: I'm not gonna say no Buster: I'm still waiting to hear all of yours Rio: interrogate me, i'll list 'em off, one for every spank you give me Rio: harder you go harder i will baby Buster: Fucking hell Buster: okay Rio: you want that? Buster: I really want it Rio: Good Rio: it's always made me wet when you tell me what to do and get a lil rough with me Rio: even if it makes me mad too, still want you to push me up against the nearest wall and fuck the shit outta me Buster: I know Rio: Not even ashamed Rio: 'cos I'd rather you knew so you would sometime Buster: Don't be Buster: I'm not ashamed to admit how hard you get me anytime you do what you're told either Rio: get used to it, i wanna do whatever you say right now Rio: sometimes i've gotta ignore you though so you punish me Buster: I don't reckon you can ignore me, even when you need to Rio: True Rio: you're too good Buster: That's what you'll be saying when I let you talk, babe Rio: Buster Buster: You can say my name too Rio: Good, because you're all that's on my mind Rio: byy the time you get here i'm going to need you so bad Buster: I need you so bad now Rio: can i touch myself or do i have to be good and wait Buster: Wait for me Rio: okay daddy Rio: my fingers aren't going to be enough anyway when i'm thinking of your big dick Buster: 3 days won't be enough Rio: i know Rio: we can work it out Buster: promise Rio: promise Rio: i need you Rio: whenever we can Buster: Me too Buster: There's nobody else who comes close to you Rio: 'cos i'm made for you Rio: don't forget Buster: I won't Buster: not after this Buster: I couldn't before, like Rio: I know Rio: we both tried Rio: saw you trying not to look at me when i was failing myself Buster: and I tried to get you to look at me any way I fucking could Rio: You never had to try, trust me Buster: It felt like it, some of the stupid shit I've done Rio: Why am I here? Rio: Can't get any more desperate or stupid, like Buster: Don't say that Rio: Sorry Rio: it's just the truth Rio: you know that was for you Buster: It's not gonna be like that any more Rio: no Rio: if you get me wet then my pussy is yours Rio: i won't ever ddo it again Buster: I won't do that kinda shit to you anymore Buster: New games now, like Rio: Better Buster: Yeah