#i'm trying new writing styles so hopefully this is ok! ^_^

[nariism]

come out and haunt me

pair. itoshi sae x ghost!reader

content: fluff, angst/comfort with a happy ending, reader is a ghost, platonic + romantic interactions, strangers to friends (to more?), slight pining

synopsis. sae is 13 years old when he moves to madrid. his temporary apartment is old and cheap, and worst of all it's haunted. but he finds your company better than nothing, even if you do tend to knock all of his belongings over.

wc. 5.7k

You are dead.

As it comes to all mortal humans, you have died. You can't remember when, or how, or why— only that it is your duty to haunt this home, that you are abysmally cold, and that you are dead.

You don't know if you had any last words, what it was like to draw a breath, or how to stop feeling so cold. Cradling yourself somehow makes it worse. But you are dead, so what does it matter if you can't remember?

If you had aspirations and meaning in life, then you suppose you should try to find them in death, too. So you float around empty halls, deliberately bump into things just for the fun of it, and pretend that you aren't dead. It is purposeful enough.

There's a boy who lives with you.

You are dead, and he is alive, yet he seems completely unbothered by your loud, obnoxious presence.

Sae feels more dead than alive.

He is 13 years old when he moves into his temporary home in Madrid. It's old and worn. It is all his parents could afford with Yen in a foreign country.

His new home is despairingly lonely. It makes the heart in his chest sink into the pit of his stomach. He misses Rin. His parents. Japan.

He should be thankful. He doesn't mean to be a brat. But the small apartment is cramped and cold and smells like mildew. He's allergic to something in the walls. His light buzzes horribly when it turns on.

And, well. The place is haunted.

You are a ghost haunting an old, rickety apartment in Madrid.

You've never seen your reflection in the mirror, but you're pretty sure you look scary. There has been others before him— a young couple with a dog; a retired carpenter; a businessman complaining about how shitty work is over the phone. Each and every one of them have left you the same way: screaming, crying, colour drained from their faces and packing their suitcase before you could even say hello.

It's a little lonely, being a ghost. Sometimes you wish you came off a little friendlier. You have no ill intent, you're just bored. Bored and lonely and wishing to know why everyone thinks you're so terrifying.

The boy who lives with you is the first. He's the first to look you dead in the eyes and shrug you off. He's the first to fall asleep knowing your presence is watching. He's the first to leave out a bowl of warm, steaming rice for you even though he seems to know you can't physically eat it.

His company is silent, as is yours. It's better than nothing.

Sae is 13 years and 5 months old when he tells Rin his apartment is haunted.

"A ghost? Seriously?" Rin sounds unimpressed even through the static of the phone call. Take it from the kid who watches horror movies in his spare time. Freak, Sae thinks.

"Seriously. I have a picture."

He can hear his brother pulling his phone away from his ear to look at the image he just sent. The call goes quiet for a moment, and then Rin is scoffing in the microphone again.

"Quit messing with me." The younger Itoshi sighs. "This isn't funny."

Rin is only 11. He lives at home with Mom and Dad. He's not alone right now, in a place where everyone speaks a jumbled language he can't decipher yet.

He doesn't understand that even if Sae isn't being haunted, he shouldn't crush his brother's hopes that someone, or something, is watching over him.

"I'm not," Sae deadpans.

"Yeah, okay, and what does this ghost do, then?" He still sounds skeptical.

"Mostly just knocks over my books and stuff."

From his couch, he watches you bristle in embarrassment and scurry away into the darkness of the hall.

You are some sort of untethered soul, unsure of where your actual body rests. It could be 10 meters from this apartment. It could be in Antarctica, for all you know.

Okay, well, Antarctica is a bit of a reach, but you're certain that your body is somewhere. You wonder what kind of clothes you used to wear; what kind of music you used to listen to; what kind of hairstyle you used to prefer.

You wonder if these things are anything like Sae's.

He's all you have right now. It would be nice if you had some things in common. Maybe you could be friends, if he was ever going to acknowledge you to your face instead of gossiping to his brother.

You watch him quietly from the kitchen table, waiting for your bowl of rice. You must make some kind of face when he instead places a plate of eggs in front of you.

He almost laughs, you think. He hasn't shown any sort of emotion in response to you thus far, so it's hard to tell.

"Coaches told me I have to be stricter about my diet," he says out loud. It's the first words he has ever spoken to you. It's the first words anyone has ever spoken to you.

He eats his bland eggs silently after that remark, eyeing them disdainfully.

You have that in common, at least. You miss your warm bowl of rice.

Sae thinks you are funny.

He's only ever known ghosts to be malicious, benevolent beings. Things stuck in purgatory with no way out, forced to wander the mortal plane and thus turning into baneful monsters. Watching spooky movies with Rin has ingrained this into him—  hardwired his brain into giving him goosebumps whenever you're around even though he knows you're harmless.

He has to wonder how anyone could ever find a ghost like you genuinely scary, with your avoidant eyes and that patience while you wait for breakfast.

He doesn't mind doing twice the amount of dishes. Not if it means he doesn't feel alone.

You do silly things, like shoving his belongings over when you want his attention, or sitting on the floor and blowing bone-chillingly cold air into his face when he's taking his midday nap.

He's discovered that your inconsistent corporeal interactions with the world are quite amusing.

"What's your name?" He asks one day over eggs that he's shoving around on his plate.

Silence. Of course.

"Don't have one?"

You shake your head, but really, you don't know. You can't remember.

Sae has never been the talkative type, but for some reason he just can't keep his mouth closed. Being a complete shut-in and not having anyone to talk to outside of his team would do that to him, he guesses. He's thankful that you at least don't seem to have a language barrier when he speaks Japanese.

"Should I name you?"

Your offended expression screams: What am I, a pet?

He just smiles, placing his fork down and observing you carefully. And the name he decides on dances at the tip of his tongue, sounds so sweet coming from his lips.

You can't help but think the name was meant for you, in life or in death.

You like listening to Sae talk.

He has a voice smooth as silk, so charming and boyish. He's young, you think. He told you once that you also looked rather young, and asked you how old you were when you died.

Even if you had an answer for him, it's not like you could have told him.

Sae is famous for his age, you discover one night while watching television with him. You're sitting on the floor and he's on the couch. You cause the TV to frizzle and crack with static but he doesn't shoo you away. Maybe he finds your presence more valuable than the background noise of the screen.

He's in a recording, playing what he calls "football"— light blue uniform, eyes wide with adrenaline, sweat sticking to his forehead and a proud shine in his expression. He isn't smiling by any means (you've also discovered that he rarely does), but you can tell he's happy.

"I'm going to be the greatest striker," he says from the couch. He talks about his dreams a lot, which is apparently what he used to do with Rin, but you don't mind filling in that role temporarily. "I'm going to be the best in the entire world."

You don't know anything about football, but you believe him anyways.

Sae is 14 years old when he gets his first contract payment.

This is his chance, he realizes, to move out of his shitty little apartment and into an actual livable home.

He has to consider if you'll feel lonely, if you even can feel lonely, and if you'll like hanging out with your next housemate, whoever it is that's unlucky enough to have a ghost befall them.

He's getting soft. If it were any other point in his life, Sae would have taken the chance to move out without hesitation. But you've been there for him since day one, kept him enough company — no matter how quiet — for him not to go literally insane.

You're the only thing he has in Madrid that he can come home to right now. You’re the only reason he even comes home at night instead of just sleeping in the locker rooms.

If not him, who else would feed you crappy bland eggs in the morning?

You, football, sleep. You, football, sleep. You, football, sleep. At some point, it became his routine.

"I was thinking of moving out."

Your head tilts to the side. You seem perplexed by his statement.

"Like, leaving. Leaving here."

You blink at him, head tilting the other way. There's a look in your eyes that tells him you understand. There's also a look that tells him it's not your first time being abandoned, left in this terribly lonely, smelly apartment.

"I can never tell what you're thinking," he huffs.

You're still for a moment, just staring at him as if you suddenly can't understand Japanese. But then you get up from the table, walk over to the container of dry rice that's been untouched for so long that it's gathering dust, and knock it over.

"Hey," he scolds sharply, chair screeching as he stands. "I have to clean that, you know?"

You start moving the spilled rice into place. He watches curiously as you sort dry rice into a pile. You don't know any Kanji, he isn't surprised. But you know enough to draw him a universally understood symbol.

When he peers over at the messy counter, he finds himself staring at a giant X. Stay, it means. Don't leave.

That night, when he knows you've retreated into the closet where you seemingly go to sleep, he crumples up the lease for his new place without signing and burns the paper.

It's because he needs to make you eggs tomorrow morning. Only he would know to do that.

"Do ghosts ever have dreams?"

You raise your head from the edge of the bed. You've made it a new habit to protect him in his sleep, from what he can tell. Perching yourself on the floor beside the mattress and resting there, head in your arms, making his sheets cold.

You shake your head. Of course not, he internally smacks himself. What a ridiculous notion.

He rolls himself over onto his side, looking at you from under his duvet. "So when you sleep, you don't see anything?"

Another shake of the head. He isn't sure you're understanding him. There's another pause as he peers at you, and then he sighs, eyes sliding shut.

"Do ghosts ever have dreams?" He asks again, this time emphasizing his words in a different way and hoping you'll answer him the way he wants.

Your eyes shift away for a second, as if pondering. When you look back he's surprised to see that you look... bashful?

You point at him, then at yourself, then shy away again.

You. Me. Friends.

Sae feels silly that it makes his heart ache a little— the sadness carried in your face and a loneliness so powerful he feels it rattling in his own bones.

Well, the two of you have a lot more in common than he thought. How long had you been alone? Was that really all you ever dreamed of? Having a friend?

Suddenly, his doubts about his own dreams feel immeasurably small.

He reaches out to pat your head. His hand goes through you.

Sae is 15 years old when he packs up his belongings for a flight to Japan.

"I'll be back," he promises with a small smile. You believe him. He doesn't lie to you.

You wait patiently at the door for him for two weeks, three days, and sixteen hours. When he comes home, he finds you sitting on the floor like you always do with your head in your knees and a sleepy expression on your face.

He seems colder. More withdrawn, for some reason.

"Miss me?" Sae asks, but he's not even looking at you. He makes his way over to the kitchen and dumps a cup of rice into the cooker, suitcase abandoned at the door unpacked.

You trail behind him curiously, watching him in confusion as he washes it in the sink. He pauses, finally glancing at you before reaching over and dumping a second cup of rice in.

"I stress eat. Don't tell my coach."

The words don't make much sense to you, but you nod anyways.

For the first time in months, he places a bowl of warm rice in front of you. You do as he does, say thanks for the food in your head even though you can't eat, and observe him. You both sit quietly in the dim light of the apartment, moonlight beaming through your single rickety window.

He only gets four bites in before he puts his head in his hands and sobs.

You've never seen someone cry so hard before. Usually, they only do it when they first catch a glimpse of you and flee in terror. You've never known it to be such a painful sound— like a bird singing for the sky but never finding it.

Sae sits there for a long time just crying to himself, not caring that your presence is still watching. It's not like you'd ever judge him or have the voice to speak this secret, anyways.

"Fuck—" he hiccups, wiping up his face. "—Sorry."

You look at him funny. He has no reason to apologize. He's just a kid. A 15 year old kid who needs to stress eat in the solitude of his lonely apartment right now. It makes your chest squeeze; an unfamiliar, horrible feeling that's completely new to you. You wonder if this is what all the anime he watches calls a heart.

By the time he finishes crying, his rice is cold. And when he looks up, his eyes widen. Your lips are trembling and you look like you want to shout at him, but you can't. You are dead. You're a ghost. You can't yell some sense into him, even if you tried.

In the pale moonlight shining into the room, he can see tears illuminated on your cheeks.

Sae is 16 years old when he meets his first partner.

"They're nice," he reassures you as he slicks his bangs up with gel. You shake your head in disapproval and he rolls his eyes. You always liked his bangs down, thinks he looks better that way. "Well, I can't stay single forever."

You scowl at him and swivel on your heel to stubbornly deny his claims. He just laughs.

"You're seriously jealous?"

You shoot him a glare.

"If you really don't like them, you could always scare them away. You are a ghost, aren't you?" He reaches up to pat your head as he always does. And as always, his hand phases through you.

He turns around to fix his hair again, leaning into the mirror to see himself closer.

You're not sure if you even have human features. You can't see them in a reflection, anyways. Even if you did, you're sure they're pretty scary.

You glance at Sae in the reflection. He looks as good as ever, no longer a scrawny little 13 year old kid who eats rice for breakfast every morning. You wonder if his partner is pretty like he is.

He must notice the chill in the air grow ten times colder— a telling sign that your mood is dropping. He turns around to see what has happened, only to find you sulking.

"What?"

You pout, gesturing to the mirror. He looks to the vanity, then to you, and he shakes his head with an exasperated smile.

"I was wondering when you'd ask," he says as if this was a conversation he's been waiting for. And then he talks. Talks more than you've heard in a long time— since he came home from Japan, probably.

He's gotten meaner over the years. He was always a rude little kid, but being pushed around in football must have given him thicker skin and a sharper tongue. You've never known him to be a saint of a human, someone who speaks so eloquently in their descriptions. But here he is now, defying your every expectation like he always does.

He tells you what colour your hair is. Compares the shape of your head to a fruit you can't recall an image of. Gives you a detailed explanation of all your flaws and marks and why he thinks they're so perfect because it proves that you were indeed alive and human at some point.

"You're beautiful," he concludes casually, as if he's not turning the entire world on its head right now.

Silence fills the room as he waits for your response. You don't do anything but gawk at him, and he chuckles.

He doesn't show up to his date that night.

"Your hair got longer," Sae points out one day while he's scrolling through his phone.

Your eyes flutter open from where your head rests on the coffee table. You hadn't even noticed. Can ghosts grow? 

"You know, I used to think you'd stay the same forever, but you've been growing up with me. It's cute."

Have you? Is it cute? Are you seriously so tethered to him that you've been unconsciously changing to match him?

Sae puts his phone down at your confusion. "Should I give you a birthday if you're going to grow up?"

You don't know what a birthday is. When he tries to explain it, you're even more perplexed. Ghosts don't have birthdays. They have... deathdays.

He puts a cake in front of you anyways and lets you blow out the candles.

Sae is 17 years old when he gets the eviction notice.

Four years. Four long, hard, unbelievably painful years later, and he's finally being kicked out of his house.

13 year old Sae would have celebrated. All he feels now is despair.

He doesn't tell you. He can't. How can he explain that he won't wake up every morning at 6am sharp to make you eggs? That you won't have someone around who will tell you every little thing that's changed about you from the last day? That you won't be able to doodle him little incomprehensible blobs with dry rice anymore?

He shouldn't care so much. You're not chained to this Earth. You might just disappear once he leaves, inperceptable to anyone else. The thought makes him so sick that he throws up that night. He tells you he ate some bad food.

Sae doesn't want you to feel sad or lonely, but it's not like he can just become a squatter in this place. His dream is to play football, not be thrown into jail.

You wake up one morning, and he's gone.

There isn't a note. There isn't an explanation anywhere to be found. There isn't even a trace of evidence that Itoshi Sae ever lived here.

Well, except for the plate of eggs and bowl of rice sitting on the stove.

You thought you would have been used to being alone by now. For some time, you were used to it. But that was many years ago.

You're not sure how long you've been haunting this apartment in Madrid, nor do you know how much time passes after Sae leaves. The world seems to come to a halt, actually. Without him, what fun is being a ghost?

Now you're just a lost soul like all the others. There isn't anything special about you. You're just the ghost that used to haunt Itoshi Sae and wake him up from his naps.

For the first time in years, you only know one thing. A singular fact that keeps you bound to this world: it's your duty to haunt this home. There is nothing else.

No one moves in after Sae leaves. No one new comes to be haunted. No one dares to set foot into this apartment. You remember that there were moments when life flickered inside of you, if even for just a fraction of your infinite time. The reason for that has abandoned you without explanation.

There's a knock on the door one day. You can't open it, and the person outside doesn't bother sticking around to see you phasing through the door to look around.

There's a birthday cake on the floor with candles that say '19' sticking out of it.

Only one human in the entire world would have deemed today to be your 19th birthday. He's nowhere to be seen.

He moves back to Japan on his 21st birthday. Sae is having trouble remembering what you look like, despite seeing you in his dreams every night.

It's a terrible realization. So terrible that it makes him sob into his pillow at night when no one in the world is awake to hear his anguish.

Japan is lonelier than Madrid. He never thought it would happen, and he blames you entirely.

He doesn't have anyone waiting for him when he opens the door to his luxury penthouse apartment. He only washes one plate in the morning. He wakes up from his midday naps undisturbed and rested.

Sae misses you deeply. And he can't help but wonder if you feel the same.

(You don't know what the yearning ache inside of you is. You don't know what to call it.

You miss him, too. You just can't put a name to the feeling.)

He doesn't stop seeing you in wisps; little blurs in his peripheral that make his head turn fast as lightning. Wherever he looks, you're gone.

It's not fair that you're a ghost who both literally and figuratively haunts him. He'd like to move on in life and forget about those 4 miserable years he spent living in that damned apartment.

He can't. Sae is incapable of moving on from that place. The irony of it is that you actually can't move on from that place, for some reason.

He would give anything to have you haunting him again. It doesn't matter where in the world the two of you are, if you were together everything would be okay. He's impossibly lonely without you.

You start to think that you're the selfish one.

The idea of leaving this terrible apartment in Madrid scares you to your very core— whatever soul is resting in your incorporeal body. It's not fair to place the blame entirely on Sae. Not when you're too wimpy to leave this place and find him.

Death is lonely without him.

One step forward, one day at a time. It's the advice Sae used to mutter to himself while getting ready in the morning.

One step forward, one day at a time. One step forward, one day at a time. And day by day, you're slowly inching closer to the door.

Sae talks to Rin and all he can think about is your confused smiles and head tilts. He talks to his parents and all he can imagine is how cold the room would be if it were you. He talks to his fucking therapist and thinks that all of her shitty advice can't compare to your quiet understanding— that your tears of solidarity are the only thing that could make him feel better.

It's fucked up, really, that he can't move on. His body is in Japan going through the motions: playing football, being famous, being interviewed and going home to nothing. His heart is in Madrid. You took it with you and refuse to let go.

You're the closest thing to love he's ever felt, perhaps— his only friend in Spain. His only reason not to leave. A ghost from his childhood that protected him in his sleep and ate bland eggs for breakfast across the table from him every morning. A ghost that would sit on the floor and wait for him to come home every day. A ghost that kept him company when he had no one else.

He loves you. He doesn't. He needs you. He doesn't. He misses you. He doesn't. Whatever. What does it matter now?

"So playing football has always been your dream?"

Sae stares blankly at the interviewer. He's reminded of a distant conversation: he is laying in bed looking at a ghost with a lump in his throat, and then he makes his first and only friend in Spain.

"Yes."

"And now that you're back in Japan, will you be playing for the national team?"

"I have no interest in playing on such a weak team." In other words, he has no reason to stay in Japan.

"So where will you go?"

Anywhere but here, he wants to say. In reality, he doesn't know where to go anymore if not to his old apartment in Spain. He just knows that he wants to come home to your sleepy face.

(That night, he makes two bowls of rice. He cries like he's 15 years old again and just ruined his relationship with his brother.)

You've never been outside before.

You've heard about it, almost entirely from Sae but also from little snippets of anime he liked to watch. It's brighter than you imagined it to be, and warmer. You're not sure you've ever felt so warm before— it's hard to when you are a walking freezer.

There isn't anyone to tell you where to go. No one pays you any mind. You wonder if you even exist anymore outside of the small confines of that old apartment.

Something tells you that you do.

You don't know where to start looking. He could be all the way across the globe for all you know, though he did used to talk about his home country.

You have no map. You have no sense of direction. You have no one to ask for help. 

All you have is the soul caged within your ghostly body tugging in one direction, and wispy feet dragging your body along in response.

Sae is 23 years old when he finally signs the contract to play for Japan, after months of being pestered by Rin about it.

His relationship with his brother is complicated. On one hand, he feels as though Rin will never truly forgive him for what he did when he was 15. On the other, he looks so ecstatic to be playing football together again that Sae wonders if their discourse was imaginary.

Japan is just a smidge less lonely with Rin in his life.

He wants to tell you all about it. That everything worked out and it's fine now. That you can stop weeping for him and to wipe up the tears that fall into nothing.

He counts the distance between you. Fourteen thousand kilometres separate him from telling you how he's living his new dream: playing football with his little brother again.

Fourteen thousand kilometers, ten years of needing you, and a reminder set on his phone to buy you a birthday cake again this year.

His heart aches.

Japan is loud and busy and everyone is always in a hurry to get places.

You have to wonder if Sae really grew up in a city like this, and how he turned out so calm and unmovable. The street names are all in Kanji you can't read, but your soul tells you that you're going the right way, anyways.

There's a crowd gathering when your feet finally come to a halt. Lights flash and there are fancy looking people with microphones clamouring toward the center.

It's only a fraction of a second that your eyes meet, and then someone shoves him into the back of the car and they drive off.

He must be famous here, too.

Sae is 24 years old tossing and turning in his bed, wondering if you were just a figment of his imagination or if you were truly standing there under a streetlamp watching him.

It wouldn't be the first time he dreamed you into existence; on some occasions you feel so real that he nearly reaches out to attempt to pat your head, like he always used to do when he was younger.

He goes back to that spot a couple hours later. The crowd is long gone and it's the dead of night— no one would be around to witness Itoshi Sae looking psychotic.

He doesn't find you in that spot. Instead, you're two blocks down and crouched in front of the window of a 24 hour shop. There's an ad for sparklers, and though you can't read the poster itself, the picture makes you stare with wide eyes.

He crouches down beside you as if 7 years of distance never existed between you.

"Do you want one?" He asks. You look at him in a strange way and his knees grow weak beneath him. You nod.

He comes out five minutes later with a few packs in his hand, walking away from you down the street to the park. You follow him quietly as if 7 years of distance never existed between you.

Sae holds one out, flicks the lighter in his pocket open and ignites the first sparkler. You watch it in fascination, ghostly form illuminated in warm orange and yellow light.

He smiles at you as if 7 years of distance never existed between you.

When the sparkler dies out, he lights another. And another. And another, until he's gone through all the packets he could afford with the Yen in his wallet right now.

As if 7 years of distance never existed between you, he reaches out to pat your head. His hand falls through you.

You think Sae's new apartment is pretentious, but it's clean and open and doesn't smell like mildew.

It's hard to imagine what kind of purpose you had before him— all your memories are flooded with his hands and eyes and bangs and small smiles reserved for you. You think that the only reason you were ever materialized into the mortal plane was to haunt him, and only him. Itoshi Sae's permanent looming presence.

He doesn't seem to mind. In fact, you've noticed he's been smiling more lately since you started waiting for him to come home by the door.

Sae is 25 years old when you fall asleep beside him in his bed.

You don't care that he's a kicker or a blanket hog in his sleep. It's not like either of those would affect you. He watches your sleeping face carefully, waiting to see if he would ever wake up from this blissful dream and be alone again.

But every time he wakes up, there you are.

You've grown since he left you in Madrid— you don't look like some lost little kid anymore, at least. He wonders if your souls are truly so intertwined that you would change alongside him, regardless of the distance.

Your eyes flutter open and his breath catches in his throat. You blink at him slowly in the pale moonlight, brows furrowed.

You point at him. Then yourself.

You. Me.

He nods in understanding.

When he drops a plate of protein pancakes in front of you for breakfast, you look confused.

"Oh, sorry. Do you want rice?"

You shake your head. You don't care what's for breakfast, as long as you're sitting across from him while he eats it.

"I'm going to be the world's best midfielder," he tells you one day. You're on the floor and he's on the couch, and it's like time had never even passed.

You don't know what that means, but it's his dream so it must be important. The most important thing in the world.

What you don't know is that it's not his entire dream. World's best midfielder doesn't mean a thing if he can't come home to tell you all about it.

You are dead.

You're a ghost haunting Itoshi Sae— one that followed him from Madrid all the way to Japan. You don't remember how, or when, or why you died. You can't remember what your face looks like either, no matter how much Sae tries to describe it to you. 

You are dead. You're a ghost knocking over Sae's belongings to get his attention when you want it. You're the ghost curled up in bed with him even though he has to wear two layers to stay warm because of it. You're the ghost watching him rotate through different breakfasts that he says could never compare to a good old warm bowl of rice.

You are a ghost, and Itoshi Sae gave you a name. A birthday. A purpose greater than being a loud nuisance.

You are a ghost who likes to watch him light sparklers on his balcony. Who feels the things described only in the books he reads to you. Who learned to love somewhere along the way.

You are dead, and somehow alive at the same time.

(One day, Sae will be brave. One day, he will tell you he loves you. One day, he will thank you for waiting for him at the door when he comes home.)

© ALABOADOA 2023 — please do not translate or post my works to other platforms.

[secretsandwriting]

Come On Darling

Part one has gotten a lot of attention and all the comments were really motivating so have a part two. Idk how good it is, i wrote this in the same general time it took me to write part one so hopefully it's decent.

Part One

"Hello, welcome to Roselight! How may I help you today?" The girl working there didn't even stutter when she saw Noah. She must be used to it in such an expensive shop like this one.

"I need a new tailored suit, she needs a full closet." You could almost see the dollar signs adding up behind her eyes.

"Of course! I'll have the tailors get prepared. As for her what are you thinking about for full closet? Different styles? All dressy? Casual? Sexy?" She didn't even look at you, just paying attention. While she and Noah were talking, you looked around the store. Eyes stopping on one of the other employees smiled at you. She was dressed down a little more than all the others, still in all designer. She seemed more normal then high class like everyone else working.

"Well, then are you ready to start shopping?" She was looking at you expectantly.

"No." Noah's arm you were told to hold onto tightened. His hand resting on yours. Not a threat a warning. "I was hoping I could work with her." You motioned to the employee you had seen earlier. Noah's arm relaxed.

"Unfortunately, she's not a shopper. She just helps stock and bag items."

"She'll be a shopper today then." Noah ordered. She finally started getting nervous.

"A manager has to sign off on i-"

"Then get a manager." Noah interrupted. "She wants to work with her, and we don't want to stand her arguing." A hurried, "I'll get one" was thrown over her shoulder as she retreated to the back. Remerging a minute later, a sharply dressed man following her.

"Hello, I'm Marcus, one of the managers. What can I do for you today?"

"She needs a new wardrobe and would like her to help." Noah motioned to the girl. Marcus glanced over at the girl, who looked like she was starting to get a little nervous with the attention she was getting for a reason she wasn't aware of. Marcus glanced at you next, understanding flashed through his eyes.

"Ah, of course. I'll go inform her of your request and as long as she agrees to it, I'll sign off on it."

"No i-"

"That would be great!" You interrupted Noah. You didn't want to pressure her into having to deal with Noah. Marcus came back a few minutes later, the girl following behind him.

"This is Jackie, she's agreed to help you and I've signed off her helping." His gaze was directed at directly at you. "All commissions will go to her for this sale." Noah's posture changed, considering Jackie's shift, it wasn't good.

"Thank you, that was my next question." Once again Noah relaxed. He had to be overly stressed because that could not be normal.

"I'll leave Jackie with you, let me know if there's anything I can help with." Marcus excused himself. Noah gave the same instructions he gave Caroline and Jackie wrote a few things down in a small notebook.

"Ok, whole new closet?" Jackie looked at you. "You've told me. I'm asking Y/n now." Jackie interrupted Noah when he tried to tell her again. She turned back to you. You nodded. "All styles?" Another nod. "No budget?"

"Budget." Noah immediately started protesting. Jackie waited until they stopped.

"Alright, we can easily get everything you need and any extra you want with 1 Million. So we'll set that as a tentative budget. Budget for you, tentative for the no budget peanut gallery." You were soon whisked away to a small room to get measured. With that out of the way, you were lead to a room full of overpriced clothes and accessories.

Anything you looked at twice or seemed interested in was added to a growing pile of try ons. Once you had ten full outfits, try ons started. Jackie was exactly what you wanted. If it looked good, she made sure you knew it. If it didn't look good, she figured out why. Certain styles were completely removed from the cart, some colors were pulled out too. She didn't try to get you to like the most expensive styles, or the big trends, her focus was solely on what you liked and what looked good on you. Something you were very grateful for.

Four hours of shopping later, and you were lead out to the main room where you had come in. Noah joined you and paid for the large amount of clothing you had liked enough to leave with.

Next you were taken to a shoe store. This time you had a name Jackie had given you. Another sign off and bags left with Noah, you got to work looking for shoes.

An hour and a half and 6 pair of shoes later, you were taken to a makeup store. Another name and sign off, more bags left with Noah and the process started all over again.

Three hours later, Noah paid and you left the outlet and went back to the hotel. Food was dropped off at the room and Noah inhaled his before changing and running out the door for a meeting away from the hotel. A quick "Here's my card, Don't leave the hotel or there will be problems." was thrown over his shoulder before the door was closed.

You started putting your things away, quickly realizing there wasn't enough room for all your new things and Noah's in the small closet in the room. So you made a call to the front desk and a half hour later a clothing rack with a few shelves at the bottom was delivered to your room. Setting it up was easy.

The hard part was deciding if you wanted to risk being petty and moving his things or just putting yours there.

Petty won.

If he was going to force you to get an entire new closet of clothes, you were going to put them in a closet. While moving his suits you snorted to yourself. If circumstances had been different, this shopping spree would have been a dream come true, but now, it just felt like something you would have to worry about repaying later.

Once all of his clothes hanging up were moved, you put his shoes on the bottom shelf. Once you were finished moving his things and adding yours, you moved onto the dresser. Moving his things into two of the six drawers and filled the other four with yours. Next step was rearranging the bathroom to add in the large amount of random makeup things you had gotten.

With nothing else to do, you looked through the list of things the hotel offered and decided to go get a massage. The shopping spree and large total numbers had apparently tired you enough that you didn't really care if Noah was upset.

-----

Noah came back from the meeting to a dark and empty hotel room. Nicolas thankfully kept his head and told Noah to call the front desk to see if they had seen her. That phone call lead him to the spa where he was let into a small room where you were laying face down on a table while a woman worked on the knots in your back.

"He needs to go next. He seems way to tense to be healthy." Noah just stared at you in exasperation, questioning why the hell he was putting himself through all of this for Alec

[tarjapearce]

Hey, I wanna say i really really like the way you write fics. It feels??? Natural?? To read it?? Always an adventure everytime I read a fic of yours.

How do you write so good?? I'm a writer as well and I'd love to hear your tips and tricks ^^

First of all, I wanna thank you for liking the crap stuff I write. (Cause I'm genuinely amazed some times that people just like it and I'm not saying this because.)

⚠️⚠️LONG AND POSSIBLE CONTROVERSIAL ANSWER AHEAD ⚠️⚠️

It's kinda funny, ngl. Lemme tell you something, I don't know if you guys struggle with Impostor Syndrome a lot like me, but everytime someone gives a compliment like this my brain just goes into self sabotaging mode.

In the outside its :

But in the inside, my brain immediately goes:

Cause I'm aware that I can do better. (And we will ~) it's weird. I'm always striving to do better.

As for the tips and tricks, I'm surely not the right person to ask advice from 😅, but Imma just tell you this from what I experience and from my perspective (Hopefully won't get backlash from this, if not, R. I. P. me jsksj) Be warned though, it's kinda contradictory cause writing is hard yo!

1. You gotta read. Either books or whatever your favorite genre is, but you gotta read. I consume fan fics and non fanfics cause you learn from other people too. I read fanfics mostly to know new words, how the character develops and the like.

I read more spanish stuff than anything. Which I try to transfer to what I write.

2. I try to keep it as simple as possible. With that I mean to not over embellish words cause it gets boring and weird. Sure, everyone wants to make their fanfics pretty (nothing wrong in that) but sometimes I feel that less is more. Like, nothing wrong if you wanna poet the f- out of your fic. (THIS IS A DOUBLE EDGED ONE SO BE CAREFUL!!)

I mean there is a huge difference in reading:

"The anger and frustration on her way of living was taking a toll on her mind"

and:

"Her nemesism had muddled her mind into an endless spiral of what ifs and what not, and frankly if her mind could speak, it'd beg for a break."

It's hard to pick one style, but as long as you keep it consistent, I guess it's all good (?) (Funny cause I always aim for the second one and end up in the first jsksj and I dont even know myself if I'm keeping it consistent)

3. Get yourself a beta reader that doesn't coddle you. It helps alot!!!! Cause again, compliments sure are nice, but they don't tell you where you could get better. ✨( Unless the reader provides puntual feedback on what they liked and what not. Those are my favorites and a rare gem ❤️)

4. I know this one is hard because everyone at some point have done this. But IF YOU COMPARE yourself to other writers? You'll lose yourself. Not only you'll lose motivation cause you seem unable to write like them, but you will fall into this... vicious circle of self deprecating and burnout. And the self doubt sky rockets nonstop.

Everyone is different. Everyone learns in a different pace. Trust me, I wanted to make great stories with a good looking writing when I had the slightest idea of what I was doing (Still do!) 😂. Writing fanfics is not a competition to who writes more beautiful/good/professional than others. Or who has more notes or the most canon-stuck character, or the cause let's face it, none will get a character's personality to a 100%!!! (And that's ok cause it's fanfiction and we all have a different approach to the character either emotional or mental) .

Personally for me, the cockyest thing someone can do is to claim to know a character more than the creators themselves. Kinda rude for me, if you ask . Like, sure feeling a deep connection with a character doesn't mean it'll grant us instant access to their whole self. Characters just like us evolve. Either for the good or the bad, but they don't remain the same, so knowing them completely is a big fat lie. Unless stated by the creator. (But we're delusional in this site, so~)

I mean, sure characterization is something we all struggle since we guide ourselves by some of the character's most prominent traits and make them their default personality. (I've sinned in this jsksj so don't worry)

5. HAVE FUN AND TAKE BREAKS. I mean it. The favorite things I've written is where Im genuinely having fun writing it. But also after a well deserved rest. Cause if something doesn't feel right, it won't be right. And burnout is easier to get at than we actually think.

6. I recently started to follow writing advice blogs, one of my favorite @heywriters.

@she-who-fights-and-writes. (They have amazing writing resources, so does Pinterest and YouTube. Seize them!!!)

But yeah, I'm still an amateur on this, I make emphasis in the 5th one tho.

Hope this helps you? ;w;.

Love you❤️✨

Thanks for stopping by. ❤️

[olderthannetfic]

Hi there! I hope you're having a nice day.

Little bit of a rant and a bid for advice, if you or your readers have any. I hope that's alright.

I'm currently writing a fic or maybe multiple fics (plot bunnies be running rampant in me brains) about a rarepair of two guys. I'm a bi woman and have basically zero social skills, so in order to properly understand other people's body language, I like to look up guides or articles about body language between two people, although I know those things are full of bullshit and don't mean anything, and it's hard to find articles for example about whether another woman's body language indicates interest in you if you're a woman yourself, but eh, they're still better than my brain which is usually like "eh, could mean this or that or this or that or this or that or- basically could be anything, I wouldn't know that lol, now I'm tired and will shut off, bye" aka useless as well.

The results I've found have been absolutely useless. I like writing characters in a slightly plausible-sounding way, so I like incorporating body language as in acting choices or subconscious body language (or whatever a proper term might be) in my writing to make it sound more in-character. So for stuff like this, I usually just think "ok what is that person's expression and if I do it, what would that indicate me to be feeling currently", and I don't know if other people do that or if that's just me being bad with social stuff and intuition about it again, and if I should really try to get re-evaluated for autism which I have been advised to think about doing multiple times in multiple direct and indirect implicative ways such as people being like "hey btw are you autistic? no? you sure?" or "I know you got a negative diagnosis as a kid, but maybe that was wrong and you might wanna do it again because of all your social struggles and sensory stuff etc.", heh. (Have been diagnosed with ADHD though, so that might also just be it.)

Sorry for the rambling. English isn't my first language, so if anything sounds strange, that's to blame.

My question or rather bid for advice is: I am wondering if you or your readers might have any advice on where to find resources for reading body language and romantic or sexual implications in body language between two parties, in this case between two guys.

(Hopefully this is not too nonsensical or insensitive or something like that because that's not my intention. I just really don't know how to human or if there actually is some difference on how different people of different genders flirt consciously or subconsciously or if that's some weird unnoticed transphobic bio-essentialism shit that I hadn't yet noticed and sorted out of my head because I don't want to be transphobic since that sucks.)

--

Weeell...

If people have links to guides, that's great, but I do think that in the context of fanfic, people often write flirting that they find sexy or they write whatever the canon style of interaction is and recontextualize it as how these particular guys flirt.

They're not usually thinking "What does flirting look like in general?" and then having the characters behave in a new way.

A lot of our interpretation of body language in written fiction has to do with information we get from the POV character about how they're feeling internally. For the non-POV character, we may have the POV character's thoughts on what the body language means, but we're generally interpreting it based on media cliches and based on knowing this is a ship fic.

So the other dude acts like he doesn't like our POV dude and the POV dude is like "Alas, my pining is unrequited!" and the audience goes "Ooooh, it's one of those fics!"

If the goal is writing certain types of fic, you may not need a guide to How People Really Act as much as one to How Fans Interpret Such and Such a Behavior from Canon as Subtext.

[sugarschnaps]

Leland HCs, because he died in Chapter Four

My heart has been broken by fanfiction countless times with Leland dying omg. (You know who you are) Anyways so I decided to write some Leland Golden boy McKinney HCs!!! They're mostly for my comfort and my inexplicable thoughts. Went from Leland hater to Leland brainrot real fast. Thank you, fanfiction authors! You're a gift to the planet <3 Not used to writing for characters that aren't my ocs, and these are purely my own comfort hcs, so hopefully you guys don't mind my little contribution to the fandom. I might post other hcs if people want? idk Side note: These are also kind of somewhere between "soft boyfriend" and "part time group dad" energy, interpret these how you want. :D

-

He's not big on slushies originally. Probably not a big fan of cold things generally with a few exceptions of course, but he can't resist seeing you so excited to try the new flavour and wanting to drag him along. (At the time, probably blue raspberry. It came out in '74!) And of course, he'll go with you. You manage to persuade him to try it. He winds up enjoying them quite a lot. Blue raspberry is his favourite from then on, though you can never quite tell if it's the flavour that he likes or the fact that you introduced it to him.

He doesn't like hot custard. Can't explain that one, it's just a thought, honestly. But he'd rather die than eat hot custard, he just doesn't like it lmao

He absolutely has a thing for you wearing his shirts or if he has a jacket on, his jacket at the time. Especially when it's colder out, and he knows he can help you warm up. He protects his friends from literal cannibals in game, so why not from the elements too? And to build on this, I also HC he doesn't really like leather jackets because of his arms. They're always tight for his shoulders. But he still wears them sometimes for style points, you know what I'm saying? (When I say "a thing" here it means his heart is swelling and he can't stop smiling. Proud dad, maybe happy boyfriend, I dunno I'm just here for happy and alive boy Leland)

He gives the best hugs out of the whole group, for sure. He's always warm to the touch, even in winter, it's like he's literally got a built in heater or something. Plus, look at him. He is literally built for hugs. Wrestle hugs? Are those a thing? They are now I said so He'd definitely have anyone he cuddles with feel safe when he holds them. (He also prefers to be hugged around the waist than higher up his body.)

If you ever go out to watch a movie with him, you're absolutely leaving there laughing. Leland is a master of comedic timing and stupid comments. He'll find a way to spin any movie to be a comedy. Horror, Romance, anything. He'll make a terrible joke, and it'll be funny. Maybe less because of the actual comedic value, more in how he delivers his jokes, or how he ends up laughing halfway through them and ends up laughing also. His laugh is infectious.

Leland gives me dad joke energy. I will not elaborate.

He is literally just such a ray of sunshine. He's a bit dim-witted at times (it's ok bb me too <3) but he makes up for it in how pure he generally is. He's a good shoulder to cry on, especially while hugging him (literally speaking as well as emotional things- sorry, I'll shut up about his arms now). He might not be 100% certain how to comfort you most of the time, but he's trying his best.

One thing I can conform for an absolute certain is that he has the most banging record collection anybody has ever known. Man has brilliant taste in music. Queen, ABBA, that whole vibe is his favourite to listen to. He has a collection of vinyls he tells nobody about. You're probably the first to know, likely from him knowing the words to things like Killer Queen especially.

His favourite song, however, is definitely Hooked on a Feeling. It's just... I can't explain it. He'd dad dance to this, for sure. He's just a little silly goofy boy <3333

If you're the type of person that sees fluffy and/or soft hair and immediately wants to braid a bit of it, he will gladly let you do so. He'll probably have to lean down for it to be more comfortable for you. He doesn't care if you're a bit messy or not used to braiding hair properly, he'll happily keep it in for a day at least. He has the SOFTEST hair anybody has ever known, he's just a very fluffy boy and I love him.

In the winter, if you forget to bring gloves or whatnot, he'll hold your hands to warm them up. Referring back to the little portable heater energy thingy we've got going for him. Also, doesn't matter who you are his hands are always bigger than yours even if it's very slightly.

He gives me golden retriever energy he's so baby That's it that's the post, love y'all, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk <3

[marcilled]

According to the votes on that poll, at least 70% of you want to hear about my FFXIV ocs (meanwhile, only 12% think i should sleep. so i'm awake still, typing this.) I'll ramble about them under the cut, but for the ~7% that said they don't know what ffxiv is, I ended up rambling quite a bit about what ffxiv even is, and why I personally enjoy it/what i recommend for anyone who's interested in it. (I made it easy to skip over if you don't care to read about that, though)

Gonna put this under a readmore since it got really long;

Cassern Qestir! my main girlie. she/it pronouns. lesbian .

she's the warrior of light. if you don't know what that means; it's the protagonist. if you still need more context:

(skip to the blue text if you don't want to read me explain ffxiv and why i think it's worth playing, i didn't expect to ramble this much about it...)

Final Fantasy XIV is a MMORPG by Square Enix. Most other final fantasy games aren't MMOs, but this one is. That means it's a multiplayer game with RPG elements. It's also heavily story-driven. While you might hear people complain about the story at times- and I'd be one of them- it manages to really leave an impression in spite of any contrivances, awkward writing, or plotholes. That's due to the fact that the player character is... well, whoever you want them to be.

Your WoL (Warrior of Light), the player character, is the protagonist of the story. And it really must be emphasized... They are so, so fully the protagonist, it's hard for other protagonists to even compare to the protagonist energy the warrior of light has. That might seem... dull or uninteresting to some, but eh, it's not like you can please everyone- the point is for you to get into character, and if that doesn't interest you, then hopefully the other characters in the story will. Personally I love this aspect- I've made the WoL my own oc with a really, really detailed backstory. Which brings me to my next point;

The Worldbuilding... The worldbuilding is probably the strongest point of ffxiv, aside from the STELLAR soundtrack it boasts. The worldbuilding is incredibly detailed, and is there to encourage roleplaying, as well as to help the plot along (tho, really, it works best as a means to encourage roleplay). I suppose I should be more specific here; it's the setting that's really the key point here- the world, the cities, each and every river and valley... But also the time period, the history, etc etc etc... There's a lot of material to work with, and I suppose you'll just have to believe me that it's really quite in-depth (if you're interested in that depth! totally fine not to engage with it, too.)

All of this isn't... going to grab or interest everyone, certainly, but eh, I've accepted that at this point lol. Don't force yourself to keep playing it if it isn't grabbing you, but for me, I started playing it for the social aspect- doing something in the game with friends, socializing in the game, making new friends through it... it's been great for that. What I didn't expect is how much the story would grab me.

FFXIV's story is very slow to start, but gradually builds on the humble roots of your adventurer until you're literally saving the entire universe. It's very, very gradual, and this slow pace might turn people off as well. Especially if you hear people say "it really gets good at heavensward!" "shadowbringers is unforgetable!" "just wait til next expansion--" these sorts of things are common to hear, but it's the same as touting that a game gets good "after the first 20 hours of gameplay", it's poison. Just try it out and see how you feel about how it plays. If the style of doing quests is interesting to you, if the combat feels engaging or shallow. etc. hey wait this was supposed to be about my ocs. ok i'll finish talking about the story and then get back to my ocs.

Anyhow. The story is really shallow at first, it's true. Even within the whole base game itself, (A Realm Reborn, aka 2.0), it can be a bit dull and contrived, and boy oh boy is the voice acting completely awful... It's rough around the edges. But if you're like me, you can really appreciate a series that starts out rough around the edges, and slowly evolves over time from humble beginnings into an epic tale that really blows away your expectations... It's about growing with the narrative, to me. If that sounds interesting to you, maybe you'll like it. I certainly did. In fact, ffxiv might be like... top 10 games to me, in terms of how its story affected me personally. Particularly the shadowbringers and endwalker expansions. But you can't skip all the way there, either- the context of everything that happened before it is crucial to understanding where you're at once you get to those expansions. The more you skip, the more lost you'll likely be. Take your time. Don't rush. And ignore anyone who tells you "it gets really good at (x) part!!!", it's a great way to set yourself up for disappointment if you end up not personally connecting with a certain plotline or character moment. I think, the thing that makes ffxiv really special... is.. it's YOUR story. The story of you- your warrior of light. And the parts that are going to connect for YOU, and for your warrior of light, are not necessarily the same as what connects for anyone else. You may end up loving the slow, humble beginnings of ARR, and feel alienated by all the saving-the-world stuff that comes later. Who knows! It's what you make of it. That's kind of the beauty of it. Now, I could talk all day about how I personally connected to shadowbringers and endwalker, (and some smaller moments, scenes, & questlines from earlier in the game), but you didn't come here for all this, you came here to read about my ocs. SORRY.

I'm done talking about FFXIV as a game now. It's time to ramble about my OCs.

FFXIV is really great for making OCs, if you like its setting. Square Enix doesn't like when you talk about it, but there's a pretty big modding scene that lets you customize your characters way beyond what the vanilla game allows for. This is often used for horny purposes, but more interesting to me personally is the gender euphoria I get from seeing my own body reflected in my own character. I gave Cassern wider shoulders, made her taller than any other au ra woman can be in vanilla, and gave her the horns that are typically only on male character models. She is so transgender. i love cassern.

Cassern Qestir is the warrior of light, meaning she's the protagonist that goes on to save everyone and everything. But at the start of her story, she's a budding new adventurer, completely new to Eorzea- her home is far to the east, in the Azim Steppe, where most Xaela Au Ra hail from. It started out casting spells, but picked up ninjitsu along the way, and quickly became one of the most skilled shinobi there is.

(she kills fascists lol)

she's also pretty socially awkward, in spite of her unparalleled combat capabilities... it lacked a lot of confidence early on in the story, too, but over time it got a lot of character development, and gained confidence. my little beepo. i have a lot of photos of it, but I don't want to make this TOO long... plus, it's difficult to give a spoiler-free overview of her character that's still approachable to people that don't know anything about the game. I suppose I could talk about her backstory, because most of my writing for her actually happens before the main game... but, eh, I'd still need to introduce a lot of settings and topics that wouldn't make sense if you haven't played before. tricky to do. maybe I'll attempt that one of these days. Anyhow... onto my next oc...

This is Samga Mol! they/them. bi.

Samga is a touchy, standoffish Xaela dragoon. (Dragoon means they fight with a lance- it's one of the many jobs in the game, like Ninja is. I'd need another long tangent to explain that in full.) Samga was actually close friends with Cassern in their youth, having also grown up on the Azim Steppe- but the two of them haven't spoken in years... I wonder what happened between them?

They're very edgy, as dragoons often are- but they also have a softer, gentler side that they don't often let show... They also get grumpy if you say they're cute. (Which is just even cuter, by the way.) They actually have a soft spot for animals, particularly chocobos.

But shhh, don't tell anyone you saw them like this... they have a reputation to uphold, you know. Tough, menacing dragoon that kills in the name of dragonkind and all that. Most feared heretic in all of Ishgard, strikes fear into the hearts of the temple knights... Wait, weren't they from the Azim Steppe? How did that happen?? Hmm, I wonder...

---

I have a lot more OCs, but most of them don't have cohesive designs and intricate backstories like Cassern and Samga do- and more often than not, mostly exist just to add more depth to the story between the two of them. There's a few others I have, like this mad scientist catgirl named Dr. Frankie. I'm still working on her. She's completely unrelated to Cassern and Samga's story;

stay tuned if you enjoy morally dubious scientist women with an ephemeral grasp on social etiquette. i'm already obsessed with this little freak, i just need to develop her a bit more before i start showing her off all the time. she also has an ... "assistant" that i'm excited to design. more on that later.

Anyhow, this was a really, really brief overview of my ocs, and I have SO many more thoughts on them, that I post about with much more frequency over on @azimsteppe ... when I remember to... (I usually use twitter for ffxiv stuff, but I'm sure you're all familiar with how that website is faring these days...) just be aware that there are spoilers on that blog, and although i try to tag them, you'll likely run into some spoilery stuff if you browse there long enough.

please let me know what you think!! it always makes me happy hearing what people think of my ocs and what interests them about them... :] and!! big thank you for reading all of this!! it was a lot of fun just to ramble lol, my ocs mean a lot to me. so i'm glad it interests at least some of you. take care!!

[amxthystiine]

So uhr I may start trying to at least finish the whole Mainline!Tom - Kairos storyline (yes I have AUs of my lore I am not ok about my OCs man) part of my lore from where I left it off from the lore before and gather all the posts here alongside art of all their designs from different times in lore

Hopefully I don't get burnt out and then just forget like last time

So for now have this

Loredumps themselves rn:

Tom's design pre-first possession/pre running away/pre trauma >:))):

Kairos's design post-body "enhancements":

Alex's design pre-body "enhancements": (I probably could change this later tbh)

Tom's design post-runaway/post prologue/S1/post first trauma event (btw that shadow is an alternate version of himself holy shit it's a long ass story) (yes for some reason the only ref I art was bothered to do of this design was in an attempt the epithet erased style that's a whole other story on its own hhhhhh):

^ And I'm kinda torn on whether this'll be his alter ego design or just his casual clothes and whether I should make another design for the other

And yes, that is him going ham on the crappily drawn saxophone on my banner

[ellathoompson]

Not sure how often you've been asked this, but do you have any general advice for making art as someone with autism and adhd? I know autism is different for everyone, but I've recently come to believe I have it, so I'm just hoping I could learn something new to help reduce the mental friction I have with art.

Hi @ohrobro ! Oof it’s hard because I still struggle a lot with both my ADHD and autism when it comes to art and getting stuck haha, my time management is horrific and my brain is often scattered, and I’ll forget about projects I’m working on and move on, but I would say my hyper focus and hyper fixations are my strength.

So I think my advice is… if you have any super strong interests, draw those!! Write those!! Hyper fixations can give an insane amount of passion and focus that can override executive functioning issues, to where you can learn and absorb things so much faster when they are related to it. Make fan art of your favorite media, try to study the behind the scenes work of the artists that make your favorite media and hopefully you’ll find that you’ll be very excited to learn it and that it’s easy to absorb. Get as detail oriented as you can, and maybe try out different styles while you’re at it! You may feel shame for being too slow or for not being able to finish projects because you move on (I do both) but remember that you are working with a very different brain than the average person, and that you won’t have a linear line of production as people expect and that’s ok. Don’t feel ashamed drawing lots of fan art or writing lots of fan fiction, it’s a great way to learn for people like us who are special interest oriented I believe!

Welcome to the nuerodiverse community BTW!🌈❤️ I hope this advice was what you were hoping for 😅 and if you have any more questions you can hit me up. I may or may not be able to answer them haha.

[boxwinebaddie]

hii uncle nina how are you??

hi friend! this is such a sweet message thank you for checking in on me! i am doing a lot better! i am working on putting more structure into my life and taking my rot girl summer and making what's left of it into a hot girl summer that i can be proud of!

i was doing really, really well and then i took a small dip because of stress and am trying to regain that momentum again!

while i love all of you and pep/the boys to bits, i am really realizing that at this particularly moment in my life, it is becoming a little bit difficult for me to write. i have a lot of writers block around pep. and this chapter will take...however long that is to write. and i'm trying to teach myself that that is ok! ( hopefully you feel that way too! <3 )

i'm not saying pep is on...hiatus, but it is on the backburner. at least for a second until i feel my zest and passion return.

BUT!!!!! with that being said...i am...working on something ;)

it's not pep or mm ( mm being a true sequel to pep should really come after it, i can't rush it )...but it's another style fic with a couple of other large ships in the background and a spicy little passion project side fanfiction that i have been thinking about writing for moments that i am very excited about!!!!

it's a lot more Intense than pep ( its rated E for explicit on ao3 when its out ) so please advise the trigger warnings, read with discretion and all that but its different than anything i've ever written i am very stoked on it!!! the boys are like 21/22 in it! its dramatical!!!

as opposed to like 15k a chapter for pep i am going to try and put this fic out in smaller chapters ( which...is not that much smaller but hush ) so i can put more of them out! chapter one is a lot of exposition, fair warning, but i'm very excited to get chapter two out. after that i think 14 should return...thank u for ur patience and support! <333

but i am reeeeeallly!!!!! excited about it and even if no one else is, i'm stoked writing it and its the best i have felt writing in a while! i'm going to try and put chapter one out sometime this week, so keep your eyes peeled! i'm sorry if this wasn't the news you wanted! i am only human and hopefully can give you guys chap 14 at some point!

j'adore darling,

-uncle nina

[torchickentacos]

Introduction!

Hi!!! I'm Taylor, she/her. I've seen some of these going around and figured I should make one to pin, especially since I have a bunch of new folks around!

This is primarily a pokemon anime blog that tends to center around the gen 3 anime/ Hoenn Coordinators, though I have knowledge on pretty much every season, though the least on unova and sun/moon! I'm big on Contestshipping but I'm chill with pretty much everything else too. That being said I also reblog random shit a lot. I'm also big into ATLA (any zuki shippers here? no? Just me and my comics? ok), Korra, The Legend of Zelda, and I have a lot of leftover dormant knowledge on warrior cats/wings of fire/percy jackson from middle school-ish if y'all want to talk about that, and I had a homestuck phase though I could barely tell you anything about it honestly.

My DMs are always open but I usually take a long time to get around to them. My askbox is also always open and I ADORE getting asks about pretty much anything! Right now I have a couple taylor swift anons (suprising amount of you guys!) and contestshipping anons, but I've had webkinz killer anon, harley's ass anon, and a bunch of other random stuff that makes me very happy. Free infodump spot in my inbox!!!!! They also take a while to be answered sometimes because I like to get in-depth and really answer stuff to the best of my ability, and I'm somewhat long-winded, but all asks WILL be answered! Just not always very soon.

I also do art sometimes! In terms of art style, we have none of that. I'll put some of my best stuff below the cut though! I'm best at landscape art but dabble in everything a little bit.

I have an Ao3 but barely update it. I'm always writing, but never finishing. Same username over there but right now it's mostly shitpost fics like goncharov and #sanssweep reigen stuff with two pokemon things thrown in. Hopefully I'll put some good stuff over there soon! Until then I post wips here sometimes.

Tags I use are taylor's tag for when I'm talking about stuff, shitpost hours for. shitpost hours, I tag art and writing, and I try to tag characters and ships as much as I remember to.

Best art time!!! Kind of long, mostly landscape work but there's some fun fandom stuff tossed in too!

*ignore the unfinished island to the left oops

ok this one is unfinished wip territory but I'm still fucking proud of it so here it is!

below, also wip territory for the next two but they're still good! ft. tribute to the first pokemon episode!

[kitkatopinions]

New RWBY ep (for once not two days behind.) Criticisms and praise below the keep reading

Praise

The theme song is starting to grow on me. It's got a bit of Sonic-vibes? Like Adventure 1 and 2 Crush 40 stuff, which is my business. It's not as good and there's something off about the sound mixing and Casey's vocals could be better, but it's starting to grow on me.

Weiss's reactions to the Red Prince kind of make sense to me lol. She's dealt with pompous rich people her whole life and I feel like both her sense of superiority that we still see at times and her probably projecting Jacques (and to a lesser extent, Whitley) onto this little red prince but with none of the history makes her treating him like an annoying pest at the start very in character.

I'm digging the suspenseful music that plays during the 'describe the rules' and the start of the chess match. And I love the concept of Ruby being forced to play as chessmaster, with the lives of her friends on the line. I also like that a lot of Ruby's soldiers on the board are already beaten up and busted. It gets across that the game isn't necessarily fair early on (which is good because in war and in the war in Remnant, not everything is always going to be 'fair.')

I also like Ruby's worried and panicked expression as she sits at the chessboard. She's treating this seriously.

Weiss's little bow is so cute.

Yang's little Sonic the Hedgehog style grin is also cute.

The animators are doing what they can to carry this volume in terms of facial expressions and getting across emotion when they can. Some of the choices aren't so good, but moments like these are (as far as the animation goes.)

While there are elements of it I don't like just from this brief listen, the OK Goodnight song in this episode sounds like it's pretty good and the kind of song I'd willingly seek out to listen to. That's a great improvement from my complete disinterest and dislike in the majority of the music from the last two seasons where I didn't actually like a single track. Looking forward to hearing more.

I kind of... Dig the cat sometimes? Obviously it's uncreative in its concept and I wish it was more humanoid and just based off of the Chesire Cat instead of actually being a cat and some of its 'random' lines are annoying and stupid, but. There's an element of creepiness to it that I wish they'd done more of, but is nice to see. His "Promises are like birds. They taste great, but always escape." *Leans in super close to Ruby's ear.* "You should go. Before he changes his mind." The voice acting is good, and hopefully after the writers are done trying their hand at humor with the cat, it takes on more elements of the cat from Coraline.

The loud sound effects for things like Ruby landing on the wall are good, they add an element of suspense to an otherwise not very suspenseful moment.

Neo fell like a comet and it looked fucking radical. I don't think she meant to turn into Ruby and Cinder? Or for her semblance to change and provide her with doubles? But I think it's cool. A bit campy, but cool. And I think Neo expressing her rage at Cinder and Ruby both by transforming into them was cool and a good way to establish her current angry mindset.

Criticisms

Yang: "Are we sure we should do this?" Ruby: "The Red King helped Alyx." I sure wish there was a way for us to know the actual story of Alyx In Wonderland in canon because all I know is that Alyx defeated the Red King at a board game, so Ruby being like "he helped her" has me immediately kind of frustrated. I do not know what to anticipate because it's like they're making up the details of this rip off Wonderland book while they're writing each episode. Why couldn't they have said that Alyx 'got help from the red king after defeating him in a board game' last ep?

Immediately no on the Red Prince btw. I know he's meant to be annoying, but I thought I might have a chance to like this character (my history of liking flamboyant posh spoiled rich kids is vast,) and instead he's just another annoying character in a volume filled with annoying characters.

Blake is so... Weird this season. I feel like she's so far removed from who she was in this first five volumes that trying to compare her to Blake of the past is pointless at this time, but she's even more different than ever this season and the "happy birthday" moment really just drives that home. I feel like if I picture Velvet doing everything she does, it makes more sense to me.

Also I'm not saying that Yang and Weiss's attitudes don't make sense, but they really aren't helping anything and I'm getting kind of annoyed with their "I'm too tired for this, I'm pissed off at everything, I'm gonna act like all of this is just too lame for me" kind of behavior. It's not helpful and it's getting boring. Ruby and Blake are at least trying, and the other two can't even be bothered to put on a happy tone for two seconds if it means they might get to go home to help the refugees being attacked by Grimm after suddenly losing everything and getting launched into Vacuo, the place Salem is likely to attack next.

Weiss: "Did I used to be this unbearably pompous?" Maybe not to that extent, Weiss, but you were horrible in other ways, soooo.....

Wait wait wait... So the toy block soldiers get hauled off into the bushes and beheaded, two seconds after them and the red prince were played for comedy by the way, and the reactions from Team RWBY are

There's no reason for us or Team RWBY to think these block guys aren't sentient feeling people, there's no reason for us to think that they aren't really dead, and Team RWBY just moves on immediately? No 'you can't do that?' No pulling out their weapons? No questioning whether or not they should fight this monster beheading his people for the crime of making something the wrong color (real creative of the rwby writers btw /s.) They just... Move on? No questions asked? God, when did these characters become so... Lifeless? Even if we say they're trying to stay on the red prince's good side, they don't talk about it? They don't have a moment of upset where the hot-headed Yang or the compassionate Ruby or the once-feisty-and-justice-driven Blake or even the so-done-she-can't-manage-a-smile Weiss so much as say "hey" or "what was that for?" Ruby literally said "How could you" when the red prince tossed aside green glass but barely reacts with anger, sadness, or surprise when he kills people? Yeah, I know she has an emotional attachment to that barely used in the show so far weapon because it was Penny's, but it's two people's lives she's pretty much ignoring here.

The Red Prince: *Smirking darkly while pointedly refusing to tell Ruby that no one will be hurt during his game, heavily implying that this game is to the death or at least to the injury.* The music: *Suspenseful and foreboding.* Ruby, in an uncertain and serious tone: "Uh, can you... Advance one space forward, please?" The little pawn on the board:

Soooo the pawns aren't taking this seriously, they're taking a swing and then relaxing as they get carried away in stretchers. The stakes for this got lowered by three hundred times and watching it, I no longer felt that much suspense. Sure Blake, Weiss, or Yang might get injured, but they're not going to die or get knocked out for the count in episode three, so I'm not that worried.

But wait, there's no reason to believe the Red Prince's red pawns are evil or non-sentient, and WBY are attacking them with a smile at Ruby's command? Bit weird, right? Why aren't Team RWBY trying to avoid needless harm or at least frowning when they're forced to harm things? Ruby seems to be the only person taking this seriously.

"We want to go home, and we believe the tree can get us there." The suspenseful music stops playing. Ruby's voice changes to a completely different tone as she says "Yang, you're up." Fun music starts up. Yang starts Wreck-It-Ralph-style punching Pawns. All in like two seconds flat. Guys, try to ease into your tone change! It's jarring!

"Blake is a faunus... And the rest of us are human." Guys, I seethe with rage every time the writers of this show act like Blake is a different species of creature than the others rather than a different race of human. Every time they refer to Blake or other Faunus as not human it is literally DEHUMANIZING. They literally will say "Blake is not human" and "Faunus aren't human!"

More angelic imagery with Weiss, which I don't like. How are Team RWBY even kind of struggling with these toy soldiers? By all accounts they seem very weak. And the combat... While it isn't Volume 5 levels of bad, it also just isn't isn't good. Combat in RWBY hasn't been that good since volume three, and it's a real shame. I want to like it, but I just can't. Also even when the pawns seem to be taking this slightly more seriously, I feel like it just isn't well done still.

The moving through the Red Prince's castle is so... No. It's like right out of Phineas and Ferb's Across the 2nd Dimension. I liked when Ruby hit the wall and reacted to that, I think they should've kept that without knocking it up to eleven immediately. And they didn't react to it? Ruby wasn't like "one minute I was on the floor, then I was on the ceiling I think, then it was this twisty ramp and the soldiers were right there but they were on other floors?! Upside down?!" Like, yeah, in the moment, she was just running, there wasn't time to ask questions while she was running, but then she stops running and is like "I didn't beat the chess game :(" When wacky stuff breaks all the rules of the universe they're used to, they should... You know. React to it.

Also

Ruby's flower petals had barely disappeared by the time the soldiers were walking over the trapdoor, and this looks like a long hall. How did they not see her jump into it?

Also also, why is it that the mice attacked Blake because specifically her ears and only her ears resembled a cat, but Little barely reacts at all to the presence of the Chesire Cat?

The Cat: "Times change, you know. And so do we when it's our time to change... Don't you?" *Ruby and the team get engulfed by a bright light and suddenly find themselves in a clearing outside.* Me: "Wow the cat just teleported them? They're going to take this time - the most obvious time - to ask about the cat's magic or react vocally to the fact that really freaky stuff like instant teleportation or gravity changes is going on or talk about how dangerous it is that WBY are small or ask the cat what the hell he's talking about, or say that all this wackiness being in the Alyx in Wonderland book is something they knew but it's all still really weird for them to go through in real life or something like that." Yang: "There was a Red King!" Blake: "But something's changed since then." That's what... We already knew that, guys! Didn't they already come to that conclusion earlier? Why - what - the dialogue in this season is so badly written.

Weiss: "Great, so we're not in the stupid story after all." Me: "They're going to take this moment - the most obvious moment - to talk about how they probably didn't just blue skadoo into the pages of a book and that this place might be an afterlife or another world and Alyx or the author must've gone through this and gotten back to Remnant and the fairy tale is just based on that story and that it isn't even like the story they know because everything is clearly different and also maybe express concern about the tyrant beheading people considering that there's no reason to think the world they're in is fake or that the stakes don't matter because it isn't just fiction (for them) and they're clearly in a real place where people have real feelings." Weiss: "We're in its stupid sequel." ... Close enough.

Could Little stop being annoying for three seconds? I want to kick this mouse into the sun like it's a little dog named Teacup

Weiss: "What is the deal with this cat? Can't anyone here be normal?" Blake: "That's not just any cat! When Alyx was lost, she met the Curious Cat who loved to ask questions!" Yang: "And the Curious Cat helped Alyx find the tree!" They're... They're only just now realizing that's the Curious Cat? Guys, if I had gotten transported into a book I'd read enough as a kid or was culturally well known enough that I could recall details about the plot as a nineteen year old, why would I not be able to recognize a character like that? Especially one so fucking iconic looking! This isn't getting transported into Narnia and meeting a little girl and because she looks like any old little girl not realizing right away that it's Lucy Pevensie. This is basically like getting to Narnia and seeing a big old lion breathing life into trees and telling you he's the real king of the whole wood and talking about the deep magic and then ten minutes later being like "Oh shit are you Aslan?" This is quite literally like getting transported into a world like Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and seeing a grinning cat gradually disappearing while offering confusing conversation and then ten minutes later being like "Wait that wasn't just any cat, that was the Chesire Cat!" I am reeling.

All in all, this episode was better than the other two, but still really lacking imo. I give it a four out of seven. I didn't laugh once, didn't feel emotional once, but they got a couple of grins and a bit of suspense out of me.

[figofswords]

Hi!! Okay for comic recs, if that's okay - I'm not a big comic nerd because I don't like the gritty style as much (not saying that all are, that's just what I've been exposed to). I do love graphic novels.

But I've watched Young Justice and read the Batfam webtoon and am now a massive Dick Grayson fan. Do you have any recommendations for DG content? Thank you!!

ok sorry i saw this when i was busy and then forgot about it but YES i do have recs!

the lost carnival (michael moreci) - you said you like graphic novels so this is my first rec! it's a dick grayson stand-alone graphic novel about dick going back to visit haly's circus and sort of discovering this history of magic and romance and tragedy. i love this graphic novel. it's maybe not the most CANON canon thing but the art is GORGEOUS and it's a really sweet story.

robin: year one (chuck dixon) - this is among my favorite comics. it's a four book series featuring dick right after becoming robin, following the origin continuity established for him in batman: dark victory. it's very cute, it's sort of a coming of age story, and i adore its portrayal of dick and bruce's dynamic. (in general, chuck dixon is a good writer to look out for with robin comics—he has a really good run on tim's robin in the 90s. he is unfortunately annoyingly conservative but his writing itself is really good and he keeps his politics out of his comics, so. death of the author, yadda yadda, it's hard to avoid in comics but again his writing is really quite good)

batman chronicles: the gauntlet - this is a single-issue story, again from dick's early days as robin. the premise is basically he's got this final test before bruce will let him go out as robin officially: make it a whole night in gotham city without bruce finding him. but then! stuff happens! bruce needs to get to him to help him but uh oh! dick still thinks they're doing hide and seek! anyway yeah this comic is really well done and i like it a lot.

batman: year three (batman #436-439) - dick (now nightwing, post jason's death, JUST before tim) comes home for the first time in a while just in time for tony zucco's parole hearing and ends up revisiting the circumstances of his parents' murders. disclaimer that while this has been on my list for a while i haven't gotten around to reading it yet, but it's sort of the first real deep dive into dick's origin story and it's written by marv wolfman who i 100% trust. (anything by marv wolfman is also good to check out - he's responsible for aging dick into nightwing and giving him his own identity outside of being batman's partner during the new teen titans, which i haven't read much of but which is supposed to be very very good)

some other stuff i haven't read yet but have heard very good things about:

-nightwing (1996). chuck dixon's run. i don't like the art style which is why i keep failing to read this but the story is well regarded.

-the new teen titans. again, i trust marv wolfman. i did start reading and loved what i was seeing but haven't gotten very far. this is an ensemble cast and not just dick but you said you started with yj so you should be fine.

-batman: gates of gotham. batman!dick and the rest of the kids dealing with a resurfaced old old gotham mystery. the only reason i didn't finish this is i got distraced bc im trying to read like ten different things at once

-the current run of nightwing written by tom taylor is also supposed to be pretty good. i definitely love the art style but i've been putting off reading until more of it got uploaded to dc universe infinite. if i try and get caught up now i'm going to want to read them as they come out by going to the comics store and buying individual issues and that is bad for my wallet. ANYWAYS. it looks good so maybe worth checking out.

and that's my list for you! this is probably way wordier than you were looking for but who am i if i don't type up paragraphs and paragraphs when asked about my opinions. hopefully this is helpful and have fun reading!

[nextinline-if]

hiiii <3

i played the demo just now, and i gotta say i loved it! i was so pleasantly surprised to see separate choices for gender and pronouns in character customisation - it's something I sadly don't see that often even in very inclusive IFs and it's also something that's making my whole experience a fair bit more comfortable. i identify as nb but i prefer she/her pronouns, even if pretty much any and every pronouns are ok for me - so i really wanted to say i appreciate that little detail!

i also liked the harbinger's oath - it's very cool how it stresses the importance of leadership and making a way when there is none, and not just, you know, staying faithful and loyal and stuff. the overall style, fashion and atmosphere are all very nice, the mix of ancient greek and victorian and original ideas is both familiar and new so it's hard to get bored!

oh, i loved the gods too. there isn't so many that either the author or the reader can get lost trying to untangle the threads of mythology, and you don't risk any of them being forgotten or becoming less prominent - it's nice! i loved the myths we've seen, the twins are charming! i thought I'd like to follow aurora since i usually go for sun aesthetic, but in this case i didn't really vibe with her. maybe it's because the 2 myths were mostly about euribia or at least her side of the story, so i just don't have enough info. so, here's hoping for some more mythology lessons in the future! ah, i also liked that fertility and love and marriage belong to different gods domains.

james and anna are dears, gotta tease them to marriage and (hopefully not) back :3

the ROs are... prominent, i guess? at this point i don't feel like the pc knows enough about them to see them for what they are, and i mostly used what i read from your blog to choose between them and orient myself. tbh I didn't quite like most of the flirting options (though it can be the case that I'm just picky lmao, don't take it to heart). i think i liked what you did with constantine - that some options aren't marked as flirting or anything but... they get a reaction from him, and in return the pc also reacts somehow. dialogues with him also feel less "cheap" - unlike some of the scenes where the so called flirting is just ogling or blushing and tripping over your words because of someone calling you lovely or something. constantine's scene also have this stuff but... to less extant? i think? i know it's some kind of imaginary world, but it's still hard for me to comprehend how a literal royal, a year before becoming the monarch, minutes after thinking "everyone is judging me i must be perfect" now goes around and makes a fool of themselves... but i still want to flirt! ugh! such dilemma! i loved margaret's first flirting option though - the one where pc asks anna to bring her another glass, now that was fun.

the "cold" options of dealing with f. were very nice too, i really enjoyed the balcony scene in the prologue!

anyway, sorry for ranting, and thank you for sharing the demo with us! wish you the smoothest progress and good inspiration and much free time to write! good luck 🍀💙

i was so pleasantly surprised to see separate choices for gender and pronouns in character customisation - it's something I sadly don't see that often even in very inclusive IFs and it's also something that's making my whole experience a fair bit more comfortable.

I'm so glad to hear this! I've found that it's really not much extra work on the coding side so I didn't think there was a reason not to add it.

the mix of ancient greek and victorian and original ideas is both familiar and new so it's hard to get bored!

yay! the last thing I want is for anyone to get bored playing my game aha I know it's a bit different and some people like things more traditional.

here's hoping for some more mythology lessons in the future!

there will definitely be additional myths.

the ROs are... prominent, i guess? at this point i don't feel like the pc knows enough about them to see them for what they are

The current demo is only a taste but the MC will be able to learn more as the story progresses and build friendship or romance as wanted. There are no straight "routes", as all characters have their own role to play in this story. I hope you will enjoy learning more about them. The rest of the chapters cover around a month of events each.

tbh I didn't quite like most of the flirting options (though it can be the case that I'm just picky lmao, don't take it to heart).

No worries, the flirting is something I added more shy options for because when I first released the demo, the feedback I received was that there weren't enough of those options. Also, flirting is the hardest for me to write about. But, my hope is that it will more natural and worthwhile in the rest of the game. :D

I may consider revamping the flirting that is available now but only after I get chapter 2 released.

Thanks for your feedback and thoughts! It sounds like you enjoyed it overall. I appreciate you giving it a go. I'm always open to feedback, whether I'm able to implement or change things depends but I'm eager to learn where I can improve.

Hope you have a great day!

Discord | itch.io | Ko-fi | Tag List | 1K Giveaway Rules + Entry

[giggly-squiggily]

Hi there! I know you’ve already done a few zenitsu/reader fics, already, and are planning another, but I hope it’s ok if I request another one! I’ve been feeling really down lately, and overall just feeling overwhelmed, and I wanted to request a fluffy cheer up/comfort fic with him and the reader? Non tickles, If that’s ok! I love your tickle content, a lot, but I was hoping it’s alright if I just request some standard fluff. I hope you have a great day or night, and make sure to take care of yourself!!! And keep up the amazing writing!!!

Heyo anon! First of all: I'm truly sorry to hear your feeling so low lately. My apologies for the delay on this one! I hope things are getting better for you, and I wish you nothing but love and support!

One comfort Zenitsu fic coming right up! :D

Cloud 9 (Taglist)

@duckymcdoorknob, @baby-tickles2022

“God, it’s endless. One after another, mission after mission…” You sighed as you finished off yet another demon, bowing your head in prayer as their body faded away. You’ve lost count on how many months it’s been since you’ve joined the Demon Corps. Your breathing style was unique and rather effective in tracking down the most evasive demons, so you’ve been put to work since nearly the beginning.

You’d think it would be considered a compliment; and in a way it was. You took pride in your merciful defeats and ability to save those in need.

That didn’t mean you were a machine of course.

Sitting down on a nearby bench, you tucked your sword away and let out a tired sigh. Days like this were especially bad. The town was massive and lively, making it harder to find the demon in question. Alongside that- you had an unfortunate encounter with a rather unpleasant group of people; yelling at you for this and that and only adding to your fatigue.

The job was done; you could leave soon.

And to what next, you couldn’t help but ponder.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), are you awake?” A hand was suddenly in your vision, and you blinked as you took in Zenitsu’s curious face. “Hm? Zenitsu? What are you doing here?”

“I had a mission.” He nodded towards the town, wincing slightly when his gaze met a glaring old woman’s. “Not the most welcoming bunch, huh?”

“You're telling me…” You closed your eyes and ran a hand over your face, fighting down a sigh. “They’re anxious. The demon has been causing a lot of problems as of late. Now that it’s been defeated, everyone should calm down some.”

“Hopefully…” Zenitsu watched you before taking a seat, leaning back into the wooden bench. “You sound defeated yourself, (Y/N). I heard you’ve been busy. Are you doing alright?”

“Sure. Never better. I’m so excited to get back at it!” You snapped, dropping your hands in frustration. You took a breath. “Sorry. That was mean. I’m just…”

“Overwhelmed?” He offered, sympathy etching into his expression as you nodded wearily. “That’s fair. It sounds like you need a break.”

“That’s as likely as me finding a pot of gold.” You grumbled, earning a gentle head pat.

“Well, when you do find that gold, let’s share it.” Zenitsu smiled, an idea taking form in mind. “We’ll go on an adventure somewhere! A nice relaxing place.”

“With cozy futons and warm food…” You nearly whimpered, the idea of a mini vacation was better than any gold.

“Clothes not lined with dirt, a hotspring to ease our muscles…” Zenitsu added, seeming to melt on the spot. “Oh, and the best part of all…”

“Sleep~” Both you and Zenitsu sighed, sinking back into your seats. The idea was magical, but unrealistic. “Maybe one day.” You nodded, trying to smile.

“When that day comes, we’re taking it.” Zenitsu nodded back, patting your hand.

“Caw! Caw! Zenitsu Agatsuma, (Y/N) (L/N), Caw! No new missions! Caw!”

You gasped, sitting up in shock. Zenitsu looked like his heart stopped. “Did the crow just-”

The bird repeated his message, circling over them again and again. Zenitsu turned to look at you.

“What do you know?” He started to laugh, lighting up at your smile. “We found our pot of gold!”

~~~

“Oh my god, I’m gonna melt!” You sighed as you flopped back into the futon, wiggling this way and that as you got comfortable. The inn you were staying at was a local wisteria house; this one in particular carrying the most amazing spa you’ve ever been to. By the time they were done with you, your aches were nonexistent and your body felt like air. “What a treat!”

“Definitely!” Zenitsu came over with a tray of snacks, placing them down near your feet before climbing into his own futon, breathing in the floral scent. “I wonder how they knew we needed a break?”

That was a question you still wondered yourself. At first you figured your crow said something; but with no immediate injuries to speak of, it wasn’t likely. Then you thought about the others. Tanjiro did look rather alarmed when he saw you last time. Still; he couldn’t have arranged this.

“I don’t know…but I’m grateful nonetheless.” You smiled stretching out. “If I ever find out, I’m gonna bring them a gift!”

“A big one; maybe flowers?” Zenitsu offered.

“Candy too! Lots of it!” You snickered.

“We should write a letter too.”

“A poem really.”

Zenitsu visibly cringed. “I’ll leave that to you; I don’t think they’d want to hear any of mine.”

That was true; Zenitsu was incredibly talented in most things. Poetry was not one.

“We’ll save that for death threats.” You teased, yelping when he smacked you with a pillow. “Oh it is ON!” You roared, shooting up and fighting back, laughing when he shrieked.

Soon the two of you were fighting like Inosuke, pillows soaring back and forth as you laughed yourselves breathless. The smell of Wisperia radiated with each smack, and while the futons were certainly messy by the end of the fight, the snacks remained intact.

Before long you and Zenitsu were lying side by side, catching your breath and using whatever pillow was closest as a headrest. “Hehe…hehehe…who wohohon?” Zenitsu grinned, a warmth in his eyes as he turned to look at you.

“Ohohbviously me!” You snickered, smiling back. Suddenly you were feeling very tired. It was like everything that has happened leading up to now hit you all at once.

“Heh, looks like we’re both in need of a nap.” Zenitsu chuckled as you yawned, feeling your eyelids droop. “Let me go get your-”

The blonde stopped talking as you crawled up, flopping across his chest like a weighted blanket. “You're tired too…stay.” You whispered. “Is this…is this okay?”

His response was to gently run his fingers against your back, humming softly as you faded into dreamland. “More than okay, (Y/N). Goodnight, and thank you for sharing your break with me.”

I hope this was good!

[frankiehagg]

writing journal: i'm restarting my manuscript from scratch, again

i just finished the fifth week of my second go at grad school. i am studying to become a translator! it is so great and uses my skills as a researcher, writer, and editor SO well, in ways i hadn't predicted. it has also, until this week, DECIMATED my capacity for non-school reading and writing. it's been so nice to pick up a non-assigned book, of fiction, about people who aren't real. missed this.

as my skills develop away from the crisis mode of learning a new skill, lean into my existing editorial skills, and leave me more free time, i find myself having time to fall into The Bad Mood, which happens when i'm not being sufficiently creative. so tonight is my rip roaring friday night of... starting the seventh draft of my six-years-in-the-making book manuscript, from scratch, again.

some FAQ about my intense journey with this manuscript:

Q: WHAT KEEPS GOING WRONG WITH THIS BOOK?

A: fundamentally, nothing. the story was too character-heavy in its first incarnation and dealt with themes that have been progressively less interesting to me. more accurate to say that my skills develop at a pace faster than the manuscript does. i don't mean this as a flex; i've averaged ~7k a month on this manuscript for years & other projects have naturally developed my skills along the way

Q: SEVERAL OF YOUR LAST DRAFTS HAVE ONLY BEEN 5-10k BEFORE YOU SCRAPPED THEM. WHY? ARE YOU *SURE* NOTHING'S WRONG WITH THIS BOOK?

A: i uh... ok, everything's wrong with this book. the themes are wrong. the beloved characters i have retained along the way no longer fit the story—at least one of them, the main character as i imagined her, needs to join the 350k pile of killed darlings, and the others need to undergo serious relevance editing. the logic of the setting is quite thin. my style is also "broke" on the scale of broke to bespoke; my skills are better now, so now every time i write this piece the voice is unbearably weak and uncompelling. fixing voice has been the main impetus for these endless restarts, and i haven't found one that both sounds good and works with the setting.

most egregiously: as the themes and setting are developed, the plot breaks and breaks and breaks.

i've been aware of these issues for a while and i hoped writing through them would fix my problems. not so. now that i've had a nice monthlong break from writing (at least, anything that wasn't translated from the original french), i opened my document and... didn't like what i saw. i opened my wiki and didn't like what i saw. i opened my file of short story ideas and—saw a theme. a theme that works very well with the setting i've been trying to develop, overhauls everything, and gives me a fresh lens from which to spawn new characters or refresh old ones with new purposes.

the first thing i am doing is scrapping everything. all meta material—gone. new scrivener file. new wiki file (i use obsidian for wikis, which i wrote at more length about here). i'll keep the old stuff for reference, but this is a new world for a new story. i am entering only with a vague understanding that this is a science fantasy story, both hero's journey and tragedy, and... isn't NOT about the john searle–jacques derrida debate.

it'll be good, i swear!

the second thing i am doing, for the first time in my life, is attempting to write a COMPLETE, COMPREHENSIVE outline—i am normally a cheerful planner-pantser combo—before i write a single word of prose. i am hoping this will help me identify areas of weakness before i invest a ton of words only to meet a dead end. since my time is at more of a premium than it used to be, i'll be able to mull things over longer-term and hopefully come to the file on weekends with developed ideas.

the third (and final?) thing i'm doing is to identify elements of style that i particularly vibe with in *reading* and make a point to run 20-minute style drills when i can carve out a spare moment, and keep them in a separate file for reference when it comes time to actually put down prose. i'm hoping this will help me hit the ground running with a style that motivates me to keep writing it, and prevent more style-related dead ends as well.

there are a lot of different ways to outline. beat sheets have helped me in the past, including save the cat and romancing the beat. increasingly i am moving away from beat sheets as structural crutches, but having a visual guide for the outline stage is still useful to me.

there's the kind of intensely complicated outlining tool like MOTT, but every time even i, a detail-loving methodical research type, open this spreadsheet, get scared, and close out again. instead i'm going to try a combination of the snowflake model and the ring structure as i try to feel my way toward a setting-relevant plot: my snowflake is going to have five act-sized points to start, and from there i will develop smaller and smaller details until i have a narrative outline that is also symmetrical for that "the hero comes home but they can never come home again because their home is NOTHING LIKE THEY THOUGHT IT WAS" kind of journey i'm going for.

i do NOT know if this is a good idea, it might NOT work, i might wind up with a rambling scrivener outline that is basically just a summary of the plot the way i have tried and burned out of in the past. but it'll be fun! let's try new things! failure is liberating in that failing again doesn't feel that bad! that's true, right? that's definitely true.

if you don't hear from me again i've gotten lost in the outline mines, but know i died as i lived: upset that my manuscript still isn't working.

(first posted in a slightly simplified format on mastodon).

[gatzbright]

3 4 & 11 🫶🫶

BELLA hi !! :D ♥️🫂

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

oooo ok okay. for fics usually like half the time it honestly starts with a title, because recently that will come from a song that has inspired the vibe or story i wanna write. i love pretty lyrics and they just jump out at me straight away and i'm like THAT NEEDS TO BE A FIC TITLE. then i start writing but a lot of the time i write random scenes that come way later bc i am impatient in my writing, but also entirely all over the place, and i just have scenes come to me in full force and i have to get them down. this is also not helpful when i have a 5k doc and only like 1k of actual coherent and Chronological fic. but yeah it gets written in the end after much chaos (hopefully. i mourn my fic graveyard on the daily ... shout out to australia fic. goodbye goodbye goodbye u were bigger than the whole sky and u will be missed). my attention span is also nonexistent on a bad day (adhd is so fun) and i will repeatedly find myself zoned out and staring at a wall. but then there's good days and i DO write :D i very much have to be in the mood to write too, and i am also a slow writer, but each to their own ya know! we are all writers n people and we are all different, and that's what makes life so fun. don't be hard on yourself guys bc u have ur own way of doing things and u ROCK (trying to convince myself that slow writing is fine. we will get there. whew). then comes posting time and i both love and loathe doing tags lmao. i love writing the free random tags but then remembering what people may Actually search to come across my fic is hard and annoying pft and i usually just get my previous fics up and look at their tags or the ones for other fics i know are similar. summaries and formatting and links also suck so bad. my god. i usually copy paste all of it over from my previous fic again and change where necessary. but yeah that is it and then i hopefully have a coherent and fun fic to post :D

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

i answered this one in the post before this so if anyone wants to read it is there :)

5. Link your three favorite fics right now

OOOOOO MY GOSH. YES. love this lets go (heads to my email to zero in on the fics i Know made me sob endlessly). house of gold (rated m) by tippysleeps is one of the most beautiful and heart wrenching fics i have read lately, if ever, and i sobbed at the end very hard into my pillow and made it extremely damp. this is so pos please read it i am yelling. it's like george moves to florida n then lots of domestic slice of life moments almost vignette style but still so in depth, and it reached into my chest and squeezed my heart n slotted right in next to it and there it shall stay. tippysleeps is a genius everyone needs to read his fics go go go. asystole (rated e; no minors) by womanhunt is incredible and i also cried while reading this fic (shoutout to bella !!!). dream and george go to london and george is experiencing being back there for the first time since his move, all alongside seeing dream in the city he grew up in. it's fluffy established relationship, while also making ur heart ache, alongside some flashbacks that i adored, and entirely full of love—it is love and dnf captured in a few thousand words. instigate the paradigm by nervouswaltz (also rated e; minors don't interact) i loved this fic so much it tore me to pieces when i read it. bird is such an incredible writer (ily birdy) who's words are always so visceral and he ties love and life and the experience of being human all together into every fic he writes. this one is a bodyswap fic and i think it's a very important read to make u think n see yourself from another persons eyes, and is all about learning to love yourself. it's so beautiful guys :( buh. please check out birds fics !!!