#i've been so horribly obsessed with this game and i just started like a week and a bit ago

[cheesus-doodles]

askjdnaklsdnasjkdnas goddamnnnn you can’t do this to me

and its not even coming to global yet argghhhh i want them so bad

look at my boys!! and they have a special action together!!

I WILL GIVE YOU MONEY GAME JUST GIB

[fyeahnix]

so the last few weeks I've been horribly obsessed with a little game called Project Zomboid. I initially bought it during the Steam Winter Sale as a game to chill to on my Steam Deck. I thought "ok zombie apocalypse survival RPG, I'll try it out, sure" and I was also wondering how tf a game was still in beta for 10 years

LITTLE DID I FUCKING KNOW....

this game is so ridiculously detailed it's unreal. you have to manage your hunger, sleep, thirst, mood/happiness, stress, prep for the water and power shutting off, prep for rising zombie populations, prep for winter, etc. OH yeah SEASONS. the game is very realistic seasons that mimic real life. there's so much to talk about just in the mechanics alone that I don't know where to start.

anyway, I started playing this on the deck, and eventually moved to PC because I saw how much more controls and shit you can do with a mouse and keyboard. and I like it so much better.

so the game straight up tells you that at some point, you will die, and there's nothing you can do about it. and that's fine. I died SO MANY FUCKING TIMES when I first played. I played on Apocalypse mode initially (which was very stupid as it's the hardest preset difficulty lol), and then moved to Survivor when I found that out. but the more YT videos I watched on this game, the more people really encourage you to play Sandbox mode and figure out what your preferred playstyle is.

so that's what I did when I moved to PC. I found out I do no like zombie infection so I turned it off. zombie infection happens 100% of the time when you're bitten by a zombie and there's literally no way to stop it, you get sick and die a slow death over the course of like 3-4 in-game days. if you get scratched or lacerated there's a percentage chance of that happening too. I just didn't like making progress and then having it stripped away because I got unlucky.

I finally made a character that survived more than a month in-game, made the firehouse in Rosewood a base, had a lot of shit set up for water, farming, electricity, etc, and then I fucking DIED trying to clear out a grocery store. now when you die, you can choose to respawn another character in the same world, but all your skills are reset. I chose this option instead of starting over completely because I had a good thing going and I enjoyed that setup. what I didn't like was the skill grind. I managed to get most of my skills back up to where they were before death in the span of a few hours because I had all that set up at my base. anyway, I said "this grind isn't fun" and installed a mod to craft a skill journey where you can manually record your character's experience progress and if they die, you can read the journal and get those skills back.

that came in clutch because last night, my second character died trying to clear zombies out at the kentucky state prison in Rosewood. that kinda upset me, but I just reset in rosewood, went to my base to gear up with backup gear, and trekked it on foot to the prison to reclaim my lost shit:

that red circle is my second character's dead body I had to drag outside and loot because there were too many corpses inside. (btw if you stay around corpses for too long your character will get sick). in the bottom right corner you can see my truck that got abandoned. thankfully I got in an out pretty quickly and got my truck back.

now you're prob saying "wtf that takes the fun out of the game" to which I reply "to you" lol. the survival and combat aspects of this game are fun as is the exploration, but the skill grinding takes forever for some skills and I didn't wanna redo that again. the downside of this is that I STILL have to go retrieve my shit and if it's too far away from my base, then I might be SOL. these two deaths were lucky because they were within walking distance of my base. also I still have to reread skill books for bonuses and that takes DAYS in-game to accomplish because I took the slow reader trait....

anyway here's some of my base. it's a fucking mess I am currently trying to clean up:

the patch of grass to the right of the water barrels is where I farm food. but I have a ton of food in the freezers so I'm holding off on farming again until I get close to low on fresh food. I have canned food as a backup.

bottom two pics is my messy ass storage and workshop area. I got a shit ton of guns and ammo from the prison that I hauled back in my pickup truck and I need to organize everything. the problem is that I need a skill book to learn how to make metal crates and neither the bookstore nor the school library has it so I have to venture out. second problem is that I may have to go to Muldraugh or March Ridge to check those bookstores and I'm DREADING it. the prison furthered humbled me and I don't wanna die again lol esp not that far away from my base. but I gotta do it. all for metal storage crates. you're prob wondering "why metal? just make the wooden ones and you're golden." and you would be correct but fuck it, 80 storage space compared to 40 and 60 for the level 1 and 2 wooden crates is just so much more appealing and I have a ton of shit that needs to be stored.

anyway that's my adventures in PZ so far. there's more to talk about like how I tried to go to the lone shack out in the woods one day to find an antique oven, almost got stranded, and had to make the trek back because the road there was covered in trees and not good for car travel. speaking of, the map is absolutely fucking gigantic. don't play this game without the map on another screen. it makes planning and traversal so much better

but yeah. it's about to be winter in a few in-game days, which means I'm gonna be struggling to forage for food, fish, and grow crops from December-February. I have food and water saved up and I think I can make it but maaaan it's gonna be a time.

thanks for coming to my tedtalk lol

[drysaladandketchup]

Get To Know You Game!

I was tagged by @irrelevanttous! Thank you my dear❤️ (also sorry this took me so long to answer I have a horrible memory)

Last Song Listened To: hard pressed to find a time I don't have music on but this one's embedded itself in my brain recently

Currently Reading: I recently finished a stack of new books I got over Christmas, so currently I'm taking a break and mostly catching up on fanfics lol. But the last book in that stack was A Land So Wild by Elyssa Warkentin. Quickly became a favourite, too. If you like fiction about mid 1800's British polar exploration (inspired by the Franklin Expedition) and a gay love story, it's fantastic. It's written in the form of ships logs, letters, personal diaries, and Inuit oral accounts, which is a format I ended up really enjoying, and the author's depth of research is just 🤌

Currently Watching: Got really into 9-1-1 recently, after a long while of not watching much of anything. I don't watch a lot these days. But I've been working my way through that the last couple months. Ended up enjoying it a lot more than I thought. It's got a lot of heart. Very excited for the new season starting next week!

Currently Obsessed With: Shock to no one, but... hockey. Like when I'm not doing real life shit chances are I'm thinking about hockey. It's a problem lol. Super excited that I'm getting the chance to go to my first game this month though! May end up being my only game; they're so damn expensive😅. But the Oilers only come to my area once a year and I'd like to experience a game in person at least once.

[imnotgoinganywhereok]

*opens my purple coffin* Ayyy, I'm back from the dead!! Four weeks later and I'm finally here. Back on my bullshit. With more Sims 4 content that caters only to me and a few of my friends XDDD

A lot happened since my last update. I got sick (shocker) the first day after coming back to work after the winter break. During that time I realised I didn't miss it at all. The students are dumb as always, the pay is bad as always, I have a lot of work that I have to take home and can't have a break from... as always. This is horrible, fuck this job. I'm not married to my work so I decided to quit!! And, as a proper DND character, I rolled the die and chose something completely out of my expertise - being a croupier in a casino. I'll be starting in two weeks time once the contract at my school ends!! I'm excited but I still have no clue how I landed this job with my piss-poor experience; I mean, all I know is being an English teacher XDDD It was definitely the English studies... Must be the English. Keep your fingers crossed I do well there, please!!

As for the Owls, I really missed my Soft Boy, his hot alien wife, and their small green beans!! While toddlers are still as boring as ever, I quite enjoy them walking around in their cute frog onesies (or without them, as seen in one pic) and being curious about the house in general. The room is still a WIP but Hieronim and Baltazar have plenty of toys to keep them occupied for now. When they grow older, they'll get new furniture to liven up the place. These screenshots are from late November 2022*, actually, so I'll have a chance to look at the house again with a fresh eye!! Also, I aged up the newborns before the toddlers update so they still suffer from pudding face syndrome (the Sims 3 players will know what I'm talking about). I hope to see improvement with the next generation.

I've been so obsessed with the bunnies-anything in this game; rugs, sculptures, toys (love that BIG unlockable one), drawings. I don't know where it came from, I just fell in love with the Cottage Living rabbits and their function in-game. I love befriending them, I love naming them, I love giving them presents (and getting some in return) - they're just fantastic!! This pack was pretty solid in general, I really enjoy the gameplay aspects of it - there's a sufficient number of things I can indulge in, and I'm still discovering new fun bits I missed until now. I'm always late to buying packs because I'll never pay full prices for them!! So sometimes I won't remember every single piece of trivia about each pack. And, surprisingly, there's not as much chłopomania present XDDD Anyway, a good pack to have.

So, that will be all for now. No grand news regarding the Owls themselves - they're just a happy family at the top of the... mountain? and it's all that matters. To be fair, I was more concerned about my own life than about the game, haha!! Just like I said. We're back to happy times, though, so you may expect new crazy stories from my new job!! Oh, and I also bought Werewolves recently, so I'm excited for that too!! Monsterfuckers, unite <3

[sixofravens-reads]

I feel like I've been MIA for a while, so a short update:

Finished the Kingston Cycle! Loved it, though I wish books 2 and 3 were longer bc it felt like there were too many subplots for such short books! Aside from that though it's a wonderful queer fantasy series and I'll definitely reread it!

Started the Micah Grey trilogy bc my goal was to finish those 2 series by the end of November, though I've been pretty slow to start it. I think I'm just not really in a reading mood right now. Might try and force myself to just read for a half hour a day or so (I need to start doing a half hour on the exercise bike anyway) and see if I can chip away at it slowly.

I've been into a lot of other stuff lately: nanowrimo, rewatching/finally finishing Twin Peaks, playing video games, and kpop (Blackpink, mostly). Work has also been busy since I got back from vacation, and all the snow means my commute has been extra long and stressful, so when I get home I only have the mental energy for writing (sometimes) and staring at a screen lol

That said, this is the first nanowrimo in 2 years that I'm not failing horribly at! It's not particularly well written, but I'm just glad to be getting words down on the page, and my brain didn't quit just because I had to think up some new characters (like it did last November)

Started listening to the podcast Wizard and the Bruiser, which is about pop culture/geek history, and it's reminding me of a lot of stuff I used to love or wanted to get into as a kid but couldn't, and now like every three days I have a new thing to obsess over

At least I'm quite far ahead on my reading goals for this year and I'm trying to let myself have Other Hobbies and not get stressed out for not finishing a trilogy in one week. As long as I finish the Micah Grey series by the end of November I'll still be on track.

[whiskeyandwolfsbane]

8/9 - 12:51PM

Whoops. I kind of forgot this blog existed, lol, my bad.

Not much has been happening though so that's alright. Here's the rundown regardless for anybody who might be bothering to keep up with this blog (I know at least two of you, hello!).

So far, everything is healing up pretty well. I haven't really needed painkillers in quite some time, though I've taken some once or twice when my chest happened to have more shooting pains/twinges than usual. Not because I needed it - the pain has been manageable - but because I am kind of worried that if I don't take pain meds, it'll get worse, and I'd rather kick it before it gets to that point. Nothing crazy though, I haven't had the oxycodone in a while.

Itching isn't as bad finally, though it is still frustrating. We've been changing out bandages and cleaning the grafts, which look gnarly as hell but are progressing well, I think. The steri-strips over the incision marks is starting to peel off as the stitches beneath them dissolve. I'm going back to the medical centre again for a post op appointment on the 11th, which is also when I'll yet again attempt to contact someone about that goddamned paperwork.

Ah yeah, the paperwork. Where I'm at there: apparently I was denied paid medical leave because I'm like, 50 hours short of having worked at a real job for an entire year. I wasn't going to bother appealing the decision because like... it's not as though I can magically provide another 50 hours of work out of nowhere, I doubt they'll approve me.

But shortly after I got that news, I got an email from work basically stating that I should appeal it, because if I don't get medical leave approved, all they can do is put me on a thirty day leave of absence, and then I have to use my PTO to cover any other recovery time.

I personally think that sounds like horseshit, especially since (wrong form or not), they have a doctors' note written by my surgeon in his own handwriting stating that I'm not supposed to really go back to work until September 9th. So what exactly can you do except allow me to recover for that long? Firing me over it (since by the way, I don't even have enough PTO, since I've only accrued maybe thirteen hours in the last half a year) seems illegal.

But whatever. I'm gonna appeal it. However, unless I want to actually meet with a court and have a hearing - and I very much do not - what I can do instead is just request a review or something. Unfortunately, for that, I need the correct paperwork - which if you recall, is floating around in Red Tape Hell somewhere in the far off distance.

So I'm gonna wait another day to see if that paperwork gets back to me, but if it doesn't, what I am going to do is contact my social worker - he called that same day I was dealing with this shit at the medical centre and when I told him what was up, he said that if this isn't taken care of in a week, to call him and tell him and he'll try and get people moving.

Unrelated - I hope - but I got a horrible nosebleed the other night too. Like... I'm not gonna get too graphic but it was freaky. Lots of coagulated gross shit and way more blood than I feel is normal. I used to get terrible nosebleeds when I was younger due to stress and cold/dry weather usually, and I could breathe much easier when it stopped, so I'm pretty sure that it wasn't anything serious, just a combination of factors and my congested sinuses finally clearing out somewhat. But I'm trying to keep a mental eye on things just in case it might be something to worry about.

And that's where I'm at with that.

Otherwise... life is about the same as usual. I just play video games, watch videos, try to spend more time reading or drawing or anything but looking at a screen because I do that way too often. I've been obsessed lately with WolfQuest, an oooold game I used to adore as a preteen that I recently rediscovered. You play as a wolf in Yellowstone, and it's centred on realism/teaching you through gameplay about Yellowstone's wolves. I like it.

Mentally: stressed. It was nice up until the 4th or so to just. Not have anything to freak out about. But of course with the nonstop haranguing by my job and the inability to get medical leave squared away ASAP, it's right back to frayed nerves.

Which I hate but hey, capitalism.

I'm stressed about money, and already thinking maybe I should try to be... I dunno. Doing something worthwhile, as in, worthwhile to society so that I can get money to scrape by with, but I'm not physically capable of most things right now. I just really wish I could find an at-home job that I could survive on so I didn't have to put up with this, it's destroying me mentally, and I'm not even WORKING right now. (Which is part of the problem while simultaneously meant to be the solution.)

I'm trying to distract myself as best I can from the thoughts though, because I never get to just exist without stressing about work, and I want to make the most of it before I'm thrown headfirst back into the Rat Race.

And that's about it, yup. Anyway, I'll try and update again soon.

[fenimores-book-nook]

Day 17 <3

January 2nd - 2024, Tuesday 10:49 am At work!

HAPPY 2024!!! That's crazy! I haven't accidentally put 2023 instead of 2024 yet, that almost seems crazier. (I'm sure that'll happen soon enough) Enjoy my little illustration from New Years Day at 1 or 2 am. ;)

I am currently at work, as you would've read at the top of the post. I. Am. Exhausted. On top of getting back into the work-at-8-am routine, I'm fighting a cold, ahg. Don't worry, it isn't a horrible one and yes, I'm taking care of it. It's been a few days full of hot teas and warm baths/showers, ginger ale, ibuprofen, and water! And of course rest and cozy clothing. Even though I hate being in the midst of a cold, I am glad I didn't have to deal with it while I was visiting family in Canada! So, there's always a bright side, right? ;)

Today I don't have much of a plan, other than after work I would like to crash on the couch and take a much needed nap. After last week being as busy as it was, I'm ready for a chill week. This one isn't going to be as chill as I'd like it to be, but it'll still be *chill.* ;) Tomorrow I'm going to be hanging out with a friend, but our hangouts are usually fun and low-key. Thursday I have therapy, Friday I just have work, and Saturday is my work holiday party in the evening. And I work 8-1 all those days, minus Saturday. So, I'll for sure have some nice downtime. :)

A lil' collage containing the events of my New Years celebration! :)

I started the night out with my friends, at one of their houses for a party. It was fun at the start, we played a game called "Radical Queer Witches," which is basically a gay, non-offensive version of "Cards Against Humanity." I 100% recommend. ;) And don't get me wrong, it was a good time to just hang out with my friends, but as the night went on, I started feeling uneasy and not very well. (for a number of things that aren't necessary I get into) So, around 10 pm I headed home, knowing that that was the best decision for myself in the moment. And I am really proud of myself for making that decision. If it was during the summer of last year, I probably would've forced myself to stick it out. So, I've come a ways and I should be proud about that! Being proud of yourself can be a hard thing to feel but it's important. <3

So, after I got home, I felt a lot better and decided to make up my own little New Years celebration area. I made a cozy set up on the couch with our dog, Charlie, some cuddle buddies, and books and notebooks! I also had gotten some hot tea and later, some Ginger Ale and poured it into a champagne glass to feel all fun and fancy. :) Then, I clicked on some Christmas lofi with a cute animation on the tv and journaled for a while! Around 11:45 I found a countdown and put that on, then with about 3 minutes before 2024, I facetimed my friends to welcome the new year with them that way. :) Even though the night had some ah-feeling parts, it was a good night in the end!

The Owl House new year-vibe art from Pinterest. :3

Flash forward in the day ~ 6:31 pm In a cozy blanket with a New Years jazz animation YouTube video playing in the background. ;)

The rest of my time at work went well and fast! I worked on the novel I'm writing for most of my shift. Whenever I write at work the time seems to go by really quickly! ;) It especially helps on days when business is slow, the only problem is that I gotta be in the mood to write. (or just sit myself down and force my hands to the keyboard, but we're trying not to force things ;) ) I did end up taking that much needed nap I mentioned. I spent most of my afternoon resting and watching Gravity Falls, another amazing show I'm obsessed with. ;)

~ Self care writing ~

I did some novel writing today after a while of not doing it! I got a lot written and a lot of good stuff written! I was able to come home and rest instead of forcing myself to do things I didn't necessarily want to in the moment. I gave myself time for rest. <3

I remembered something that I read/wrote about in my devotion last night. How God's love for me is not determined on how much I get done. He loves me regardless, I don't need to make myself always be doing something. <3

Not necessarily learned, but reminded of: that there's always more to the surface level of stories. It depends on the reader to look deeper or not.

Pretty good overall, I think. I spent a good amount of time today doing something I love: writing. And I thought more about my faith in a way that makes me feel more confident about it too. I feel proud of myself. :)

Lacking motivation would probably be the best answer. But not in all areas. I had the motivation to do novel writing and to do some illustrations. It isn't always like that, but sometimes the lacking motivation tells you something. Maybe there's something that needs a change-up.

I forgive myself for giving myself unrealistic expectations to reach. It's always a journey to focus on yourself and the realizing of hard truths is a part of it.

Mabel + Waddle hugs from me to you. :)

Until next time,

Thalia <3

[wondereads]

Personal Review (10/31/21)

Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

Why am I reviewing this book?

Technically, I read this book back in middle school, but I didn't remember a thing. It was chosen by my book spinner, but I also know it's been gaining popularity lately, so I've been looking forward to rereading it.

Plot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Juliet has been kept locked up for years. Her touch drains life of whoever she comes in contact with, so it's a surprise when she gets a roommate. It's even more unusual that said roommate, Adam, is someone from her past, before she was taken away. The new regime has use for Juliet, and it might be her only chance at freedom.

This starts with a good idea, but I'll be honest. It's slow. I very nearly put this book down many times because, while it has a decent beginning and end, the middle drags horribly. The prison cell and the Reestablishment at the beginning and the resistance at the end are good, but the middle is essentially just Warner and Juliet playing a game of cat and mouse while Juliet and Adam pine for each other. It really just needed more in the middle.

I think it would've helped to add more worldbuilding and tension. I never really got a grasp on what exactly the Reestablishment's goal was or how they were going about it, and therefore I didn't really feel the need for Juliet to get out of there. I vaguely knew they were bad, but there was no urgency.

Characters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

The characters were pretty good in this book, which is really what kept me from leaving it unfinished. Despite Juliet being a very typical YA protagonist (quiet and reserved and basically lacking autonomy until the "big fight"), I did appreciate that she was a genuinely kind person. A lot of YA protagonists are portrayed as cold-hearted and ruthless, which isn't a bad thing, but Juliet being someone who has the potential to be a remorseless killer and instead choosing to be good and kind is a breath of fresh air.

I can see why people go crazy over Warner. While I'm not a fan of the war crimes, he and Juliet did have a lot of chemistry, and I'm really interested in his backstory, especially with his parents. I wanted to like Adam, I really did, but I just can't trust him. He seems too good to be true, and at this point I'm just bracing myself for the betrayal.

In terms of side characters, this book is pretty lacking. There's Kenji, who seems to be the comedic relief, and James, the lovable child, but they don't have much development in the book, probably because they aren't introduced until over halfway through, which is partly the fault of the pacing.

Writing Style 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Ugh. I really hated the writing style of this book. It reminded me very much of poetry, and, in my opinion, it detracted from the plot and worldbuilding. I felt like Mafi was so focused on sounding "meaningful" and "poetic" that the information necessary for a dystopian setting like this was lost in translation. There's far too much attention on Juliet's self-hate and counting obsession and not enough on the actual plot, and it relies a lot on telling rather than showing. This is the main reason I had to force myself to finish the book. If an almost-poetry style appeals to you, maybe you'll like it more than I did, but I just could not get into it.

Overall 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

This book is hyped up a lot in the YA community, so I was disappointed. While I liked the characters, the plot needed more, well, plot, and the writing style threw me off. I'm not sure if I'll continue this series, but if I do it'll probably be for the romance and not really anything else. Give this book a try if you're looking for a typical YA dystopia or if you're interested in an unusual writing style, but I personally found it lacking.

The Author

Tahereh Mafi: American, 32, also wrote Furthermore and A Very Large Expanse of Sea

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every two weeks, and I take recommendations. Check out my about me post for more!

[hypnowave]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Learn to know your mutuals and followers ❤

okay ily for sending me this no joke!! this is such a huge infodump i'm actually going to cry

1) just dance + dance central 3,, you DEFINITELY expected this one, i never shut up about how much i love both of these games and how they've helped me get exercise 6 days a week during the pandemic. i don't even OWN a copy of dance central 3 yet (though that might change when i get off my ass and actually spend some time looking at secondhand xbox 360s and kinect sensors) but it was something i was completely obsessed with in my childhood and it feels really nice to be able to talk about how happy it makes me without feeling shameful about it being weird or niche. it's a game where you can time travel using the power of swag dance moves, what's not to love?? on the other hand, i got a digital copy of just dance 2020 on discount not long after i got my switch, and i've managed to get the megastar rating on 95 songs so far! i'm hoping to hit 100 before just dance 2021 releases in two to three days, but even if i don't manage to get it by then, i'm still pretty excited to hit that milestone. i'm also currently trying to memorize the choreography for the alternate routine for lady gaga's bad romance and oof ouch my bones

2) i started watching buzzfeed unsolved true crime about two days ago and i'm absolutely hooked. i have no idea how i've gone so long without watching it (save for one episode that i took a look at because i was curious about the particular case they were talking about), but it's nice finally having something to put on while i eat my meals that isn't pokemon or among us. both games are great, but sometimes you just need to throw something fresh into the mix, y'know? it also feels nice going on a true crime kick again in general, haha.

3) I LOVE MY CHARACTERS AND ART and i've been drawing a lot of humans recently! i feel like i'm actively improving and that i'm gradually becoming more confident with my human artwork. i'm no maestro and i know my work isn't astounding by any means, but doodling my friends' characters and seeing their reactions has helped me push forward and try new things when it comes to art. i don't draw my own characters as often, but i've been working on some new plots and it's slowly coming together and it's giving me that sweet sweet serotonin. tangentially related but my FRIENDS' characters and art also makes me incredibly happy. i'm now going to annoy the hell out of them by tagging them; @/polygarnstars you know i would absolutely die for all of your characters (especially bate and fanael. horrible children) + i swear you know my own characters better than i do, @supernovacity if i had a nickel for every time i drew eyvind i'd probably be able to get a better laptop and drawing tablet by now, @arasolcan YOUR CHARACTER CONCEPTS AND DESIGNS SLAP and i always love when i get a chance to hear about them and doodle them, @kingsmanmechanics the starboys live rent free in my head and our current AU is SO GOOD i love it, @fihyn hello i love elvoth and co., and i should honestly take a shot and drawing more of your characters!! they're so unique and i'm excited to see what you have planned for 'em.

4) my cats,, i have five cats and they all share one brain cell. mochi usually has that brain cell. kiki still doesn't understand that she's not allowed on the bed and i've given up on trying to convey it to her sgdhgnshfkd

5) uhh i'm highkey blanking out because i really gotta go get some sleep but man, i can't believe i'm in university. sure, it's a stressful thing to go through, and i'm not going to pretend that the pandemic isn't making it even harder to socialize and get out of my comfort zone, but a year ago i was thoroughly convinced that i wouldn't get to experience this. the fact that i managed to get here and study the things i'm interested is amazing to me and i don't think i give myself enough credit for that :")

[real-starkinder]

MARCH UPDATE 3

Well... This is awkward. This is my second time starting this week's Blog, because I accidentally unplugged my laptop cord & killed her -Sweet Dee hasn't had a battery for almost a year now & I was typing on the couch this morning. Upon a cursed Tray Table, by the way. It was a good blog too - I opened up about why I'm antisocial sometimes, I shared some great advice, I talked about organizing crayons & how I currently (try) to plan and meet goals.. Oh well - I get a chance to write again.

I truly wasn't feeling up for socializing, this morning. Then, I started typing.. Lately, I've been nose deep in my Story Building / avoiding emotions, while I patiently wait for a Start Date of my new Career. My usual routine hasn't changed - still up early, feeding everyone, making Love's lunch, then it's Story Building until late afternoon. After some afternoon chorin' or some time outside, I cook dinner, do the dishes, then clean the litter boxes. Sometimes I have a bit of energy left to do a little bit more story building work, but most nights I just watch Love play a video game or we find something we like on YouTube. I love my routine!.. However, we haven't been doing well financially because we only have one income. Hence, the reason I need a New Career - one I can juggle while I put together the Stardustopian Universe - One I am trying very very hard to wait patiently for... It's been weeks - I have been told it takes time, so I'm trying not to get discouraged.

An emotion that has been tossed into the pile of laundry by the rest of them. Imagine that emotions are blankets - I have all mine piled in a corner of the room - waiting to get washed, folded, and neatly put away... but I hate laundry.

Cursed Tray Table? - It's a long story...

Anyways, yes - I can be antisocial at times. This week, for example, it has been more challenging for me to say hi to my friends and family & post to my Instagram Story. <- Is something I truly enjoy doing because I LIKE sharing the fun adventurous parts of my life. Also, I am so grateful to have a couple of friends & family that will reach out to me when I do go quiet... Love y'all.

Why has it been challenging? A lot of the reason is because I don't want to burden someone with my emotions - especially if it's got something to do with the nature of the relationship, friendship, partnership. It's probably good for myself to admit that I try too hard to please everyone. Coupled with horrible trust issues, this is a horrific combination. I've reached a point where I'll just deal with whatever emotion on my own, because it's too confusing for others to understand, yet. I haven't learned how to properly socialize my emotions, just yet..

I only ever wanted you to see the confident go getter that I know I am - not the shy, serious, insecure, resentful mess that I'm still working on.. - It's probably good that you know both, however.

Back when I was 5 years old, being raised by cartoons, an alcoholic mother & a father who paid all the bills but was never home - I was obsessed with organizing my crayons and coloring in my coloring book page by page. My Mother asked me when I was that age why I would start to color a new page without finishing the one I started before. It really stuck & from that point forward, even if it was half assed & rushed - I finished the page that I was on before starting a new one. It was a Rugrats Coloring Book, in case you are curious.

I spent most of my childhood playing by myself or with my little sister. We used our imagination to bring Barbie dolls or Beanie Babies or Dinosaurs to life & would march them around our house, going on adventures - this still cracks my Father up, to this day - As we got older, we became more independent of one another. She was able to go out and make friends, whereas I felt too shy to be myself among my peers. I'll talk about this more in detail in a future blog.. the reason I brought that up is to help explain why I created all the imaginary friends & the world that I did.

The few friends I was able to make in real life were cool. I lacked the self confidence to be able to hold on to those friendships & put in the work it takes for lasting ones. I learn from my mistakes. Also, since I lived the childhood that I did, I now have a really interesting World and Friends to share with this Realm. One that I'm putting all my heart & spirit into.

The advice that I said in the first blog, I will say again - I'll try to remember how I worded it, because I really enjoy how I said it before..

For you young Artists, Writers, Musicians - If you're inspired to create, do it - Art truly is in the eye's of the beholder & we're our worst critics. Even if it's something you don't like right now, don't ever throw what you create away! Hold onto it. It could be the inspirational zest that you've been looking for. Humanity is meant to create.

Well, it went something like that...

Don't you be worrying about me, now - I'll go take care of my laundry. I'll also throw out the cursed tray table - I mean, why do I even still have this thing?

This week, I've given you a sneak peek at one of the first characters I'll be introducing in my Story - Ella. I'm working hard at it, folks - I would like to have a chapter drafted before our wedding in July.

Anyways, that's all I got for today - I saved this draft, this time. >.>

Have a good week, Everyone

:)

[nar-nia]

i really like the questions for the ask game!

1, 2, 6, 12, and 15 if you have the time and energy 💕

i have time and energy so let's go 🤩

1. sun, moon, or stars?

i honestly can't decide between the stars and the moon. the stars are beautiful but the moon is so fascinating. i know there are scientific explanations but the way the moon always looks different and how he manages to appear even during the day when the sun is still there is just amazing. i'm always looking forward to seeing it.

2. what outfit would you wear if you knew you were going to meet the love of your life on that day?

most importantly something comfortable! i bought a pair of pants with colorful stripes on it during my holiday in italy a couple years ago and that always puts me in a good mood. that plus my blouse with flowers! they make me happy and i feel really pretty in them, so i'd make sure to wear that!

6. who’s your favourite figure(s) from fairytales and folklore?

i've always been obsessed with the snow queen so she's definitely on the list! i don't like her, but i find her very intriguing, especially seeing how she is portrayed in different versions.

another one would be klara from the nutcracker. she's brave and fearless, very protective when it comes to her friends and even a stranger and she's interested in learning new things. i really want to see a ballet performance of the nutcracker one day 🤩

and last but not least the girl from the six swans. i looked it up and the original story is slightly different from the movie versions i saw but it's still admirable how caring she is. She cares so much for her family and her brothers even though she doesn't even really know them. and she's so brave and has a lot of perseverance. she's been through a lot and still never doubted herself or her plan.

12. if you could spend an afternoon out with a handful of loved ones and could choose where to go—gallery, theatre, carnival, etc.— where’s your pick?

i'd love to spend a whole day with them! first we start with brunch at a cat caffè. next we're off to a walk in the park and then we'll be visiting a fair (if there is one) or a little market, before we'll order some food and end the day with a movie night or a musical visit 🥰

15. if you had to woo someone just like you and sweep them off their feet, what romantic gestures would you do? mail them flowers? sculpt them a knife? bake for them? anything goes. if you don’t like romance feel free to skip this.

a dagger to the throat is always welcome 🤩 /j

food is always a good option, especially if we're cooking or baking together. you can test how well you work together while being able to talk a lot, and if i let you in the kitchen while i'm cooking i must really like you.

i love holding hands, too. which is probably why i always try to flirt with the typical comparing of hands... not like that has ever worked.

and in general just remembering little things about me and showing me that you care about them. my memory is horrible and i forget so many things (which makes me feel awful) so if you manage to remember something about me i'm really impressed and happy. i once mentioned to a friend how much i'd like to see the sunrise and a couple weeks later (on my birthday!) she was staying awake with me so we could go to a park and watch the sunrise. that really meant a lot to me, because not only did she remember it but she also stayed awake just because i wanted to do something. but it's enough if you remember little things, you don't need to sacrifice your sleep for me 💀

[logun-vakt-maga-lokison]

Sorry to bother you, but I have a question about the post you made about it being called polytheism for a reason. How did you get in contact with the Gods/Deities? I've read a lot of how-to posts but none of them make a lot sense to me. I'm mainly asking how you did it, if you don't mind. Thank you for your time! 💖