#i've waited my whole life to see this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

world-of-fire-and-flight · 4 months

Text

💖🥰🎉

#y'all i almost cried #northern lights #aurora borealis #i've waited my whole life to see this #and yes it did live up to expectations in my head #and yes this is how i see the godberd woods in my head/how i saw the night sky in Nyla's homeland when i was writing F&F #year made

2 notes · View notes

kaatiba · 3 months

Text

i guess i should just accept that i am primarily a fanfiction writer. i've completed one (1) long-form original work in my whole life and it's increasingly feeling like a fluke. i've written two "collections" of prompt fills, which are very like fanfiction as you take someone else's idea and run off with it, but they're not short stories really, as they're not complete narratives, just expansions. fanfiction I can write quickly and easily and well and I almost always finish them. but I can't do the same with og work no matter how hard I try. And maybe that'll change in the future but I just feel like a failure and a fraud and a flop

#Not to brag but ive been told my whole life I have a gift with writing and everyone has eagerly anticipated my writing something incredible #And *i* have eagerly anticipated my writing something incredible and original (I.e. not fic) and I feel like I CAN I feel the potential #I KNOW how to write and write well! Well enough to make me happy anyway!#But I just CANT for og works!!!!#And it's not really about the comments and motivation from readers (I don't think) bc I don't wake up thinking about my og writing and wher #I'll go next with it I'm not excited and eager and hyperfocused on it like I am with whatever fic I'm working on in the moment #....but maybe I get that way bc I write a chapter and post and then get responses and so I am always thinking about it bc someone's out #There waiting for it and loving it and that gets me excited???? But no that can't be #Because I don't get readers right away and I'm still so excited about my fics the way I never am about og works #Maybe the lesson here is actually I just can't write alone. That writing is meant to be communal #So it boils down to my utter lack of social life like so many other things in my life which is #Incredibly depressing #Anyway I don't feel like a real writer even tho I don't think the same of other fic writers even though I love my fic #There's a poll going around about the longest works ppl have written #And seeing people I follows tags on it is so incredible and I'm so in awe and yeah yeah #Comparison is the thief of joy but I have never written the way everyone else seems to have #I've never been so into or attached to an idea and then written for it as much as other people have #What's wrong with me?#Why can't I write #Anything other than prompt fills and fic #Why don't I want to write my og works #Why aren't I interested in them and inspired by them #I have all these ideas and like everything else in my life just.....fail to execute them #Fail to go anywhere with them #Like my photography and my language learning #Everyone's so impressed with me and my potential but it all just fizzles out and I never #Accomplish anything #I never make anything of any of it #I start and then just. Linger. In the goddamned purgatory of it all #Through lack of effort? Perseverance? Ability? Idk but somethings wrong with me

12 notes · View notes

rapidhighway · 3 months

Text

I wish my friends invited me somewhere ToT we're supposed to be in a friend group why is everyone taking someone else cool places 😭😭

#i only ever hear about cool events or places or concerts and trips my friends take with all their other friends #and meanwh I've been trying to invite them places for YEARS and it never works out #it's just so sad and it sucks I don't want to be holed up at home my whole life waiting for someone to invite me #at the same time i see no point going somewhere by myself it's just not fun to me #so... -_-#and well #just way too many people around me are the type to just sit at home doing nothing and they don't really like my ideas #ughhh pleaseeee #i only ever get updates from my friendg group #oh we were here (place i wanted to go) or (event i wanted to go to)#ughhhh #i just want a bitch who will hype me up and go places ToT #and keep me in mind???!!!?!!

17 notes · View notes

noahtally-famous · 5 months

Text

not me popping back on here with a post after months of semi-inactivity (uni is being a bitch) just to reiterate how much i love writing the pahkitew island cast.

aside from sammy and amy (obviously), literally everyone else can be shipped with one another and it'd make sense to some degree, like it takes skill to create a group of people so inherently shippable (platonically and/or romantically) and ofc the writers didn't know it they just shoved a bunch of random ppl together and dusted their hands off on it but fr tho 😭

(yeah im planning out my leonave 'stranger things inspired' au, and the gears are turning, and i forgot just how much i love writing for this dumbass group)

(i swear im working on the next chapter of a guide to surviving the apocalypse too)

#no but i've way too many ideas lmaoo #i forgot ive a whole longass post in my drafts dedicated to ramblings abt this longfic and i came across it today ahaha #like amy leading a manhunt for leonard bc shes got everyone to think he killed her sister (who she didn't even like much smh)#and topher's one of the ppl involved and when shawn hears he's like “topher? yeah i can handle him dw” (possible tophawn minor pairing??)#and leonard's abt to get the equivalent of being burnt at the stake literally #when guess who shows up in a fucking mercedes of all cars #fucking dave #and he helps leonard escape narrowly by driving fast af and leonard's so confused bc like “i thought you'd be with those guys”#and get this: dave doesnt believe leonard killed sammy bc of his vehement belief that leonard doesn't know magic LMAOOO #and leonard doesnt know whether to be affronted or grudgingly thankful bc if it wasn't for dave's desire for everything to be normal #leonard would have been part of the witch trials 2.0 #and idk who's watched st but the plot is somewhat inspired by it #like shawn goes missing first and dave as his best friend is panicking abt it (in this one axel is shawns cousin???)#and then when they find him at last the weird deaths start leading to leonard finding sammy dead and this whole situation #and theres a whole different world underneath them and its up to leonard dave ella and sky to team up and prevent certain destruction #and theres slowburn leonave (with pining leonard and oblivious dave)#and leonard lives with his uncle whos understanding of his passions (unlike his dad who basically gave him away for the same reason)#and leonard's life is total opppsite from dave's #and they both know it #and omgggg this au has been a brainrot for so goddamn long #but idk why i just got a slew of ideas for it today #and like dave stays over at leonards at one point and leonard gives him his bed (like a gentleman)#and the next morning shawn barges in like “wheres my best friend” bc ever since he was taken he's been v paranoid abt losing the ppl he lov #and he hugs dave and daves like “how dirty are you rn” and shawns like “nothing yet i waited so that i can hug you when i see your dumb ass #and everyones like abt dave to leonard “idk if he's the right one for you”#but then later on dave saves his life by going a little bit unhinged classic dave-style #and ends up scaring a nurse and receptionist into retiring early #total drama #td leonard #td dave

8 notes · View notes

thebirdandhersong · 1 year

Text

:'))))))

#darn darn darn DARN. like!! tears in my eyes!!!#do you ever want to ask someone so hilariously clueless #like. sir. have you ever been in love. like. have you??? do you know what it is??? to be fond of someone?????? WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIN #anyway FIRST boy i've been able to converse with about dickens and tolstoy and dostoevsky and theology comfortably and for WHAT #APPARENTLY my brain jumped immediately to fondness rather than friendship. FOR WHAT!#anyway that's on me for clown behaviour and general silliness #pray for me lolllllll i am literally so so sick of this!! i too would like to live life without the weight of this!!#i've had 'i'll come back to you' and 'i don't want you to be alone' going round and round my head for the whole week.#like. my dude you have someone waiting for YOU back home what are you TALKING ABOUT #a note from the logical side of my brain: girl you don't even agree theologically with major points also he doesn't want to have a family o #be a father. and you knew that before he casually mentioned he was seeing someone. like. clearly it wasn't going to work anyway. let it go #but alas it is SO so horribly easy for me to grow fond of a person it is SO so horribly hard to claw my way out of that #i do not want this!!!! i do not want silly feelings!!! what's more i do not want complicated emotions because he IS my friend!!!!#it wouldn't bother me so much if this weren't like the tenth time i've had #some form of hope and reality hit it over the head with a two by four!!!!

27 notes · View notes

sandinthepipes · 1 year

Text

I feel like an empty house

#good omens 2 spoilers #i mean I've cried for like 30 minutes #I've waited to the credits to completely end because no that can't be it i trust neil he wouldn't do that to me #and then i kept stering at the ceiling for another 30 minutes contemplating life #I can't #i literallg screamed while crying #I didn't basically see the whole scene because i was blinded by tears #I don't know how to move on with my life #what do i do now #since s1 e1 until aziraphael started talking go was my top comfort show with rainbow and sunshine and everything nice #and now here we are falks #i start crying just thinking about it #give me death please #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands

15 notes · View notes

icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

Text

I still very loathe the Media Trope of ‘’cold genius man doesn’t feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)” or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, don’t bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. pathetic

#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks #or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow #him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their #entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho #w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode #It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just #like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked #away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write #the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol #you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what #has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for #the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba #too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool #Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions #of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous #ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long #and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good #enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one #special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person #or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first #sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol #Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes #lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi #re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLY setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype #then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever #or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring

24 notes · View notes

silentspaces · 3 months

Text

it's always weird when something random suddenly hits The Button in your brain and you can feel the obsession creeping in

#me listening to that gaia collective hadestown song on repeat on the way to work and back home #(this is not the first nor even the 5th time i've watched that video idk why this time my brain was like 'yes more of this NOW')#and then getting inspired to actually look up hadestown that so many people were really into years ago and I only saw glimpses of on here #then searching for youtube clip and then the algorithm recommending me videos from people who glued together the whole dang play with subs #keep in mind I am usually not into plays. especially musicals #thank god I don't live in the States otherwise I'd be booking tickets #(did I look up tour showings anyway? maybe)#now we just have to wait and see if this is just a one-week binge or if this becomes part of my personality from here on out #(if it did I would create a side blog for it. just like I do with all my other hobbies that I secret away)#my life

5 notes · View notes

thebleedingeffect · 6 months

Text

.

#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks.#ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

3 notes · View notes

mosspapi · 7 months

Text

Oh fuck. Today marks 6 whole years since The Bullshit started. I mean. It'd Started well before then but that's when it officially started yknow. And what cosmic irony is it that a whole new bullshit that's basically just a worse version of the original bullshit is starting now too

#my autoimmune disorder fully kicked in on Feb 18. 2018 lmao #and like. I know it all started before then bcuz even that previous April I had what I realized later was a flare #and the December before that was when I had strep that spread to my ears and almost definitely my brain bcuz my doctor just didn't give #us the strep test results for a whole week #so shit was definitely going wrong before then but it didn't actually Do anything until that day yknow #we were in Seattle to see Hamilton live and I could barely even see the stage because the world was spinning too much and I was so nauseous #I spendt the entire next week in bed and barely ate anything. missed a ton of school. and it just never got better #and now here we are. 6 years later. and I've spent almost the whole week in bed and barely eaten. waiting on specialist appointments again.#it's like nothings fucking changed #last year I was almost over even remembering the day because I'd mostly stopped grieving the loss of the life I used to have #and now it's even worse than before.#idk man it's just. it's a lot yknow #armchair speaks #actually disabled #physically disabled

5 notes · View notes

stabbingandorbeingstabbed · 1 year

Text

i need to run away from home i need to move to a city and meet people who get it and i need to get my tits cut off for realsies this time like i've had enough actually. for the love of god

#my parents are being kind enough to pay for sessions with a life coach bc im very stuck and not at all sure what to do #and the bad news is that it's a woman from my old church #but the good news is that i've always liked her and she's the most normal person there re: non-christians #like we have a relationship that goes back 15 years and i've never once felt judged by her like i love her #and had NO IDEA she did the whole life coach thing #so im hoping that once we start this it'll be the active hand holding i need to like. pull me out of the rut i've been stuck in for like #almost a decade now #gonna have to wait on even thinking abt top surg tho bc i cannot see my family being super supportive of THAT and like #idk how to go about looking into how to do that like my insurance covered my breast reduction #bc i was still on my moms really good insurance and it was deemed medically necessary for my quality of life or whatever #and im SO GLAD i did it but u know what would be even better ?? never feeling the need to put on a bra ever again in my life #anyways. right now at this moment nothing has like materially changed but i think i can feel Something shifting #but that might just be me having a little bit of hope for the first time in a while lmaoo. bleak !!

15 notes · View notes

soupandsorcery · 8 months

Text

Kieran Iathrana

#bg3 #bg3 tav #bg3 oc #he's just so beautiful #noah oc: kieran #cillian got redone since i finally found the hair mod i've been waiting my whole life for #now we have this disney prince of an elf #still blind. and i am waffling on his class #cleric? wizard? bard?? probably not bard #he looks adorable and sweet and he is. but he's surprisingly sassy #sometimes he'll say something funny and astarion will just be like 'ha!' in the background #you love to see it #or not see it in kieran's case

6 notes · View notes

terzomega · 1 year

Text

coming out as a copia hater due to recent tags by @waspspirits it's real

#the thing is terzo. he's just like me fr and he's the love of my life. if you couldn't tell. fave #he's 1. italian 2. the shortest 3. purple is his favorite color 4. omega is his favorite ghoul 5. monsterfucker 6. long nails enjoyer #as you can see he's Just Like Me FR #so ofc anyone who replaces him would be my enemy. but not only THAT #not ONLY you replace him which like ok not necessarely your fault I Guess but you Get Your Picture Taken While Holding His #Beautiful Little Severed Head. AND you talk shit abt him on ceremony & devotion iirc. enemy of the nove immediately and forever #fuckin rat bastard i will NEVER forgive you and i AM praying for your downfall everyday of my life i cannot WAIT for him to GO #so i can buy impera without him feelin slay abt and i can go see a ritual without having to lay eyes on him and support him financially.#i am insane #i'm the only girlie on here who will rejoyce w her whole chest & pussy & dick & balls when he kicks the bucket #feel free to unfollow & block & shoot me on sight. idc. enemy #mine #i used to include pro memoria in the list of crimes against me & terzo but i've come to the conclusion that song is as much about and for #him as it was about and for the others. but we won't get into that bc we're going to the beach

3 notes · View notes

shitty-check-please-aus · 2 years

Text

my mom never had wisdom teeth so my greatest source of knowledge for various adult life scenarios just has no experience with something I’m dealing with and I’m stuck with google of all things

#the left ones are erupting #and they don't hurt aside from like. slightly sore gums where the tooth is poking through #so like. is it okay #I saw a dentist two months ago and he didn't say anything about it #do I just let it wait until July when I see the dentist again and then ask about it?#do I NEED to get them out??#I've had oral surgery before and I'm really not a fan #why is it so difficult to have a human body #I don't know how to deal with this I haven't dealt with a tooth poking out since the last oral surgery #(one of my adult teeth didn't come down so I needed the surgery to attach a tiny chain to it and then the orthodontist slowly pulled it down #via like elastic tied to the tiny chain or something)#it's just very frustrating that my mouth is arguably the part of my body that I practice the most consistent self-care on #ie I've literally never not brushed twice a day in my whole life #and yet it still brings me trouble and pain #it's frankly rude

16 notes · View notes

t-t-p-d · 1 year

Text

idk but sometimes i just sit around and realise life isn't that bad after all

#i've been studying this whole week like mad #and seeing all my other friends study too (more than me)#it just feel like the world is so small #but the world is so much bigger #life isn't all about grades and shit #like it's fucking cliche but it's true #and especially in my own bubble i keep getting pressured about my grades #but i just feel that there's so much to be grateful for #i was studying in a different part of my house today (like not in my room)#and i'm just looking at our family pictures and how homely this place is and i'm already so lucky you know?#life is way too fucking short to be focusing on “oh what's the next step” or “oh what am i going to do in uni and internships and career”#“how do i keep climbing up the ladder”#but then i forget to admire the view along the way #i obviously have to acknowledge that i'm at a position of privilege as i say all these #and also i hope i don't regret saying these after getting back my grades 💀#also i was rereading some sally rooney quotes from bwway i had saved and she was speaking some facts man #like that long quote about living and being with other people #wait i'll post it later #but yea!#these are my thoughts of the day #and i shall get back to studying #text

4 notes · View notes

solradguy · 2 years

Text

I came to terms with the Sol kinnie thing months ago now because honestly who gives a shit, but every now and then I'll find myself in a situation where I wonder if whatever it was I was about to do was/is a pre- or post-Guilty Gear interest lol

#textpost #Most of them have been pre-Guilty Gear interests which is honestly hilarious #Like of course I don't have proof for most of it but my fursona is the funniest one #He's basically bootleg furry Sol Badguy BUT he was like that MONTHS before I got into GG #I've been thinking about this over the last few days though #Because I was doing some Queen stuff and had a thought like 'am I only doing this because my brain's weird or do I actually care'#And went through like a checklist of things. I do actually care #Sol is like frighteningly relatable though and sometimes I wish he wasn't lol #I typed this at 2am last night but saved it to my drafts instead of publishing it haha Still kinda feeling it this morning though tbh #I wish I could better articulate or find a term that describes how I relate to Sol better because 'kin/fictionkin' feels too...#Hmm.... Psycho-religious? A lot of essays I read while initially figuring this out related the kin tag to something more like a-#-Philosophy or something similar to a religion #But for me it's more like my brain filling in empty spaces within itself because No One was like me growing up and #now that I'm also trans there are even LESS people who are like me #So my brain sees a character that's similar to me and is like 'oh holy shit it's us. Let's be like that' hahah #This got really long I should've put it up in the post sorry lmfao #Anyway this is something I've done my whole life and 'kinning' is really the only term that fits what it is even if it's not a 1:1 fit #It usually doesn't bother me but knowing that some of the things I enjoy now I probably won't later once my interests shift again does #I still keep waiting for it to happen with Guilty Gear but GG is so different from anything else I've been into I'm not sure it will #Since most of the things I like about GG were things I liked before getting into it. Like heavy metal & weird scifi/fantasy #I'm not going to elaborate on how exactly I relate to Sol also. My blog is too public for that #and this post is already a little too personal #kin tag

17 notes · View notes