#i... actually don't remember how to write hsy

[lizhly-writes]

Fake fic title: a world inverted

“Okay,” the protagonist says, with a weird little twist of a smile.  “Who the fuck are you, why do you know who I am.” There are far too many knives pointed at him.  An ordinary person would panic – he would panic – but the calm of his exclusive skill sweeps over his emotions.  Easier to talk like this, when the only thing left in his thoughts is pure logical problem-solving. “Yoo Joonghyuk.  You’re a famous author.  You wrote SSSSS-grade Infinite Regressor.” “...Huh,” Han Sooyoung says, lowering her knife.  This does not lower the amount of danger he’s in, not when none of the disguised avatars around her copy the motion.  “Haven’t heard that one in a while.  You a fan?” “I’ve followed your story for a long time,” Yoo Joonghyuk says truthfully. “Huh,” Han Sooyoung repeats.  “And you’re meeting me for the first time now?  Shit.  Would’ve been nicer if this was a book signing or something.”

Ta-dah. Han Sooyoung is the protagonist, Yoo Joonghyuk is the reader, Kim Dokja is the writer, and probably lots of other people are in roles that they shouldn't be.

[drivelings]

Do you.. maybe.. have some thoughts on orv? 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Please???

It has all my favorite tropes. Enemies to not-really-lovers. Ride-or-Die. Recognizing a friend/enemy even when they've lost their form. Time loops. Outsmarting fate. Time skips. THE TRIFECTA OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS.

Spoilers below

I finished reading this at the expense of skipping work. I was rereading on a plane and trying not to cry. I just don't feel like writing any fics for it because I feel like it's pretty complete and uniquely because....KDJ basically wrote himself into his favorite story--what else do I need to do?

I love, love the implications throughout the whole story embedded within scenes. Some things aren't explicitly said and they didn't have to be explained. We knew. And if we didn't know, we'd go back and reread and understand, "Ah, so that's what he meant."

My favorite part is the Giant Squid stuff. That was so good--predicable, but so very good. That YJH really did get the Midday Tryst messages, already knew and acknowledged it but words are not his forte so he just kept fighting until his feelings and actions were acknowledged by KDJ.

I love YJH remembering the 0th and getting pissed about getting hit. I love HSY remembering. I keep fucking losing it whenever we get to the part where KDJ reads about what HSY did for him--about her squeezing every bit of her last words for him to read.

I love the 999th turn and their closure. I love how everything comes back full circle with, "I am Yoo Joonghyuk." I love how the actually story begins and how it actually ends. I love 999th Uriel's lines to the Oldest Dream--to acknowledge his suffering.

I LOVE PRISONER OF THE GOLDEN HEADBAND. I love him becoming the Oldest/Most Ancient Liberator. I love him recognizing KDJ even with the stupid Casanova Face. I love his reactions to the retelling.

All the characters are great. They're so cute. The plot is great and I just want to scream and scream.

Anyway, I like ORV quite a bit.

I don't have any deep analysis or anything because this is a translation so I'm acknowledging there's a bunch of things I've missed, but I really enjoy someone's thoughts that even though ORV is in first person, we never really know what KDJ is thinking. Either because he's beyond us or because he's not really forthcoming with himself due to his trauma. To be fair to him, he's a reader, not a writer. Some things just can't be put into words. You can't understand someone just by reading words on a page.

[your--isgayrights]

of the non benchmark scenes, which ones surprised you most and/or were the most fun to write :?

Yoo Sangah Coffee Break in the last update! It actually wasn't planned at all in the original outline, but as I was getting around to the Jung Heewon scene I realized that I felt like YSA didn't get as much attention in this chapter even though she's just as important a friend as HSY and JHW... And then, around that time I was having trouble writing KDJ because I had the plot beats with him and YJH's relationship thought out so long that I was a little tired of thinking about it... It was hard to put KDJ's headspace in the right place because I had to establish that he was freaking the Fuck out and feeling like his life was totally out of his control in that moment... I was having such a hard time writing literally every other scene in that chapter but then I was like... haha... Yoo Sangah...

So I kind of had this while where I was just kind of imagining in my head how I wanted to develop the sangsoo relationship in the background because i was like Bored of Men, and after just filling up a notes page of #DramaBetweenAdultWomen I felt refreshed enough to go back to starting Chapter 4.3... so I was like... you know what... YOO SANGAH. so then I basically figured that I wanted to incorporate YSA in more because it fit with the theme of "This chapter is about KDJ's friends" in the same way that the last chapter was about his kids and next chapter is about Pacheonmaeng and then next chapter is about ***

Anyway so Yoo Sangah was kind of the puzzle piece I had been missing in trying to write 4.3 because I really had no idea how to transition to the JHW and LHS stuff before then... It helped me sort of like cement out this specific dynamic of, like, KDJ's friends represent different parts of his world that he initially connects with them on, HSY=Caring About Stories, JHW=Surviving Rough Shit, YSA=Working Class Solidarity, who then try to sort of branch out and understand him Beyond just that.... Oh oops okay I was about to start talking about stuff that happens in chapter 4.4 okay hmm um. Ok in Broad Terms it's kind of like HSY-> trying to understand survival, JHW->trying to understand work problems, YSA->trying to understand stories, like you get it they're trying to Understand Him but even though they don't each individually understand all parts of him he as a whole is still being Understood simultaneously you know. And then obviously we see how his whole thing with YJH gets in the way of ALL of that lmao.

But anyway who cares about him lets talk about Yoo Sangah again. (<- Me writing all of chapter 4 actually)

I give JHW and HSY's backstories in meeting KDJ in this chapter, but not YSA's, because YSA's meeting and relationship with KDJ is just 1 to 1 pretty much the same as it was in cannon. Except, you know, her bike never got stolen because I decided Han Myungoh was too busy being a single dad (I decided he's divorced bc he got married to his soulmate practically out of convention and they were an okay partner but a 'demonic' parent and he won the custody fight <3 Does this matter? Literally no it will never come up <3). Instead the one telling her she could just drive her to work is Han Sooyoung, but she will say no because, again, Drama.

But yeah w/ her backstory I was just like we KNOW YSA met him at the job interview and became impressed by him just for being a Bro because i remember her perspective chapters really prominently so I felt like while writing it was something I could just reference and have other's understand without having to re-describe it from KDJ's perspective... because to be honest I think KDJ wouldn't take much note of it at all, even the coffee grounds thing I feel like he's just like "I am Looking Away." So YSA to him is sort of just like, ah, yes, that's YSA. She's the office Heroine. No I won't explain to you why I think that way. That's just her vibe okay.

Anyway yeah, "YSA catches him trying to hide in a cabinet" was really a godsend for me. I was like yes, yes, and then she tries to see whether he's gay or not in carefully veiled small talk. Excellent. It's all coming together... And I was able to slip a lot of details about KDJ in that I wanted to say about him but wasn't able to put down anywhere else... also just a good scene because I know what YSA is thinking and I'm trying to communicate it to the reader without KDJ ever figuring it out which is one of my favorite things to do in a scene...

[obstinaterixatrix]

2021 fic retrospective

yeah I'll reveal the paper mask. if you reference the relevant fics in any way other than a 500 word essay about how great they are I'll block you. 11 fics, technically... 53k? ish? but about half of that was through cowriting (lol)

2/6

“I can’t stay” and other lies to tell, ORV, 2.5k

Han Sooyoung adjusts to post-epilogue life.

this one gave me such a huge headache... but I really like it! fulfilled my goal of having ysa punch out hsy (romantically) which is the only thing that matters. I love writing hsy and ysa but they're both smart and well-read in exactly the way I'm not so It's A Struggle. I have to put so so much effort into having like... one of those hollywood western sets. flat storefronts propped up to mimic the impression of a whole-ass town. that's me trying to write these gals.

2/21

a home to keep (out of reach), Kamen Rider W, 1k

While on the run from the museum, Wakana runs into Akiko.

oh the femslash life of writing an obscure ship from obscure(-ish) source material that aired over ten years ago. this has less than 20 kudos and I'm surprised I even hit that high. if I remember right I was in a mood of 'I need to write more gals and don't have specific ideas, someone give me some' and thankfully my friends obliged. Love You Buds!

2/27

being known, being loved, and other disasters you’ll never recover from, ORV, 2.5k

“Use your words” was supposed to be a thoughtless taunt; Kim Dokja wasn’t expecting to get a monologue.

this one's great. 10/10. utter genius. well actually I wish someone else wrote it and could dig into all of the complex ideas I couldn't quite grasp and it's terrible and I hate it. so it goes with this kinda thing. regardless, it 100% would not have been as good as it was (or wasn't?) if racher didn't let me call her at my 2am and talk with me for like two hours as I wailed and wept through the 4th scene. thanks racher <3

3/18

two sides, same coin, SVS3, 2k

With this, Mobei Jun can finally rest reassured that their relationship is plagued by no lingering ambiguity.

At all.

None whatsoever.

technically I wrote this fic last year and thought it was finished, but was struck by a brief bout of inspiration (and/or madness)

5/12

going nowhere // gone nowhere, Infinity Train, 23k

Two versions of a reunion without the train.

Side A: Ryan gets a call from the Parks and rushes back to Min-Gi.

Side B: Min-Gi doesn't get a call from Ryan but rushes to him anyway.

lmaaaoooooo I love cowriting fic. I have nothing but fondness for this one. if this fic were a living creature I would dote endlessly upon it. what started as a direct and targeted attack against lex got turned around on me and suddenly We Were Both In It... Together. 10/10, fantastic cowriting experience, lex expanded on a lot that I would've glossed over and really nailed a lot of solid vibes. I had a lot of fun breaking ryan's leg. speaking of, also big thanks to kly for the med reference (lol)

6/6

actually, that was a load-bearing wall, Persona 5, 2.3k

Makoto: Ryuji, how did you get injured? Is there anything we can do? Yusuke: He did not. Makoto: …Wait, why is Yusuke with you at the hospital?

sundry wrote all this, I just edited & spruced it up by making the texting segment look ✨phenomenal✨ (and after it was a prompt for me to write too, lol).

7/28

dreams not to keep, Infinity Train, 2.5k

Min-Gi has a weird stress dream about working at Dumpty's, one that is definitely meaningless and has nothing to do with complicated feelings that don't exist.

If I'm being transparent I had this vaguely drafted without any real intention of finishing it, then saw a dead dove fic in the tag that I found personally rancid, so I finished it out of spite just to bump it down. anyway I love dream sequences and psychological torment. this is a concept that was inspired by air and that I also drew to specifically antagonize lex (lol)

9/20

a door closed to light, Deltarune, 1k

There’s no good reason for Susie, of all people, to be barging into Noelle’s room. And it makes no sense why she’s the one who ends up doing it; Kris is the childhood friend—which makes them the obvious choice for a stupidly sappy rescue—and Ralsei’s like… basically one of those baby blankets, the kind with a dumb fluffy stuffed animal attached. So shouldn’t he jump at the chance to make friends or be a goody-goody or whatever?

I was actually visiting a friend when deltarune chapter 2 dropped and carved out time to finish it. I always knew noelle and susie would have more Solid Vibes when the game progressed, and I was right! the vibes are solid! thank you toby fox for being the number one lesbian ally that exists. but also since I was rushing so much I ended up missing a great opportunity for a joke and had to rush to change the ending (rip).

10/8

the unnamed ember that burns in your chest, SVS3, 1.5k

Mobei Jun takes a nap on Shang Qinghua’s bed and pines to a truly intolerable degree.

do you understand how agonizing it was for me to have a paper mask account that I wouldn't let myself reference at all AND YET I kept coming up with titles that absolutely slapped. are you kidding me. this was so goddamn romantic. fuck.

10/22

the rays of the protagonist’s golden halo don’t shine on us lowly side characters, so how about easing up on the collateral damage (you bastard), SVS3, 2k

Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu have a fight after Mobei Jun gets injured while helping the protagonist (who, let’s be honest, would’ve been fine no matter what).

DO YOU UNDERSTAND. HOW AGONIZING IT WAS. FOR ME TO HAVE A PAPER MASK ACCOUNT I WOULDN'T LET MYSELF REFERENCE AT ALL. AND YET. I KEPT COMING UP WITH TITLES THAT ABSOLUTELY SLAPPED. I'm absolutely entranced by my own unrecognized genius. anyway this was fun I love writing petty squabbles and asshole friendships lol

12/30

as it turns out, dying isn’t the romantic gesture you might think it is, SVS3, 15k

Shang Qinghua wasn’t a protagonist. He was barely even a side character. The sum total of his dialogue never surpassed ten lines, which puts him just above cannon fodder. His death, sudden but not unexpected, was less than a paragraph in the epic of Luo Binghe:

The conspicuous absence of the man who could be considered Mobei Jun’s shadow was then explained to Luo Binghe. Just days ago, Shang Qinghua—whether by accident or a final act of loyalty—took a fatal blow meant for Mobei Jun. Scarcely did he have the time to draw a single breath before succumbing to poison potent enough to fell a great demon on the verge of becoming king.

In his previous life as a reader, Mobei Jun didn’t have any reason to pay him much attention.

Things are different now.

BLAH BLAH BLAH TITLES THAT ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SLAPPED YOU KNOW THE DRILL anyway this is literally the longest solo project I've written in years, usually you can't get me over 5k without my corpse being dragged by someone else. I'm a 2k oneshot kinda gal! I hate writing longform! it's so much work! so much effort! and yet! this fic drove me absolutely fucking bonkers and would not let me rest until it was exorcised. it has the most vibes per vibe out of all my fics. it's my magnum opus. and it's quarantined to paper mask account because if I ever acknowledge it, it becomes agonizingly obvious that nfsftlots was me going like 'haha so this is what I think a mo/shang roleswap would be. wait a second I could make them lesbians. wait a second I could make them lesbian ocs. wait a second I've written a novella.' anyway the last chapter of this fic was what I consider 8k of absolute madness. I'm spilling my guts here. I am relentlessly shaking your shoulder. can you even begin to understand what this story has done to me. I am narcissus at the pond absolutely enthralled by myself. this is the exact type of confession I love to read. you can make some pretty obvious parallels to how I'm acting now and a certain character in the fic and you'd be right to but you cannot mention this to my face.