#idk if i should tag hh but whatever

[arobraindead]

This might not be permanent but I'm done with the fandom.

I've done this before and I always come back and I'm not going to say I 100% won't but.. I've been done.

Which is horrible because the fandom is just getting started and I just up and leave? Yeah I feel guilty.

I love this community, I love the amazing stuff that has been made for and from this community. But i've been here for three (almost four) years. Since 2020. I've ran my course.

I feel sad. To leave something that I've loved for so long feels horrible. But I'm burnt out.

This isn't really a goodbye, its not a see you later either. Its a.. one day I'll post for the last time. This post is more of my current status.

If I ever do leave. This blog will NOT be deleted. Still love the shit I've done here lol.

[chaoticspacefam]

2020 In Review: Wordcount Tag

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch​ , thank you! I’m not sure who’s already done or been tagged for this cause I am, once again, late to the party LOL but I shall (no pressure and sorry if you’ve already done it!) tag: @rainofaugustsith​ , @darth-bagel​ , @thatmmolesbian​ , @thelastenvoyyy​ and anybody else who wants to do this. Yes, I promise I mean you!

Words: 45,314

Published: 0 (I’m not counting the couple of Six Sentence tags I’ve gotten, they’re snippets of an unfinished piece & are included below instead :), or roleplay replies, cause that feels like cheating lol.) I actually wrote a lot more than I thought I had, this is a rough guesstimate as well, as my oneshot WIPs tend to be all over the place across something like 6 different documents, some of which have existed since 2018, so I had to guess at how far up to count from the end for some of them, but I think it’s a fair guesstimate XD I also have included lore/worldbuilding docs in this because that was a 3-month long Lockdown 1.0 Boredom/”Canon is a trash fire so I’m ignoring that and making up my own lore” passion project and I’m goddamn proud of how much I wrote for that. It’s the most I’ve written in one stretch (think I finished it over a span of 3 nights or so, once I’d done all the research and made all the notes ofc ^^)

Not Published: 45,314

The Breakdown:

swtor - 45,314

for creeping shadows (my main longfic/part one of the subterfugeverse series) - 1,553  - Aria, stop being difficult! *shakes fists* XD

oneshots - 16,223

lore/worldbuilding (for subterfugeverse naturally) - 23,001 (is this ALL tomato alien lore? pretty much, yes, yes it is :’D ~400 words is “the WIP reworked timeline to correlate my worldbuilding with the canon timeline that was released”, but 98% is just...me thinking way too much about Purebloods and how they deserved way better goddamn lore. I blame @fluffynexu ‘s amazing tomato worldbuilding posts,  reading them when I went looking for “canon” lore one day for the rp is what got me started down that rabbithole (it’s awesome and if you haven’t already you should totally go check hers out too :DD), I had a “fuck you then canon I’ll do it myself too >:L” moment and once I started I couldn’t stop until I’d crapped out literally over 20k words on the subject *whispering* thank you LOL)

zephyrverse au bonus oneshots - 4,537 (stuff I wrote to fill in time gaps or “just cause I had a plot bunny”, relating to mine and k-christine’s zephyrverse au rp. None of these will likely be posted publicly, but they still deserve to be counted as words I wrote this year :’D

As you can see, most of my “muse” this year came from sporadic oneshots :’D The Ahaszaai twins also properly plot-bunnied their way into my brain in late 2019 and haven’t stopped making a nuisance of themselves the whole fucking year. Every time I tried to carry on with a chapter, one of the two of them would pop up like “Nooo write about ME! pay attention to ME!” - Yes, Ni’kasi, I will get to you this year, I promise XD

New Things I Tried:

Just Writing. Not worrying about whether “it wasn’t part of the next chapter” or “it comes from a part in the story that I’m nowhere near close to posting yet”. If I felt like writing something, or for a specific pairing/feeling/scene, whatever. I wrote until I ran outta muse juice. Yeah, it meant I didn’t technically “finish” anything this year BUT - the important thing is I wrote stuff. and that’s all that really matters, eh? :’D

Polyam ships! May not seem like a big deal but I spent a long time talking myself out of them because of internalised toxic monogamy and finally saying “you know what, fuck it! I can ship three or more people together and it can still be a perfectly wholesome, healthy and loving relationship and that’s okay” was a BIG thing for me this year.

Dialogue Scripts: which I didn’t count as wordcount because really it’s just word vomit of general tone/inflection and dialogue that I came up with right before falling asleep which I didn’t want to lose. Basically, if an exchange or a particularly punchy or moving line of dialogue popped into my brain but I wasn’t ready to write the whole scene that it fit into out, but didn’t want to forget the line(s). I wrote it out in movie script/script-style roleplay fashion e.g. Character’s Name: (emotion, hand gestures etc.) [Dialogue here] and so on. I know this is probably a well known trick of the trade, but I never took it seriously until this year. Seriously, do it. It’s great.

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

Hmmm, a snippet for Andronikos/Ni’kasi that I started this week which isn’t posted yet (saving it for this week’s Six Sentence Sunday so look out for it! :D) was pretty fun to work on, I love their dynamic and Kas is suprisingly fun to write for.

Also the Aria/Vano proposal scene that I posted a snippet for the week before last. I’m having great fun with that scene, and I really enjoy putting a non-serious spin on the classic “proposal scene” tropes. Can’t wait to finish it, though it may be a while before the full one goes up on AO3, as it depends whether it ends up fitting in as part of the mainfic or as an additional oneshot

And I have a D’leah/Kissai oneshot that I need to give another once-over before I finally yeet it onto AO3 and Tumblr for you guys to see :’D

Favorite Fic I Read:

@sleepswithvillains Eleanora/Quinn fic, Helplessly Hoping. I’m horribly behind on chapters and I gotta catch up and read the finale this week, but it’s been a helluva great ride and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the story! <3

Also The Invitation collab with @tishinada featuring Zas and Fiona had me squealing, I can’t wait to catch up on HH and see more of these two, they’re adorable ;-; @a-muirehen​ ‘s Relu/Merkara series of course! I’m a complete sucker for (friends to lovers to in Ariano’s case but yea pfpfpf) enemies to lovers ships and these two are just so good, I am on the edge of my seat every time we get a new snippet for them, ngl (grimace emoji) @darth-bagel ‘s Sylvas/Graz’zt and Sylvas/Liz/Rilfaen snippets which they’ve been spoiling me with on Discord @mercurypilgrim ‘s Ven’fir/Quinn AU oneshots, Cloudbank (Western was a particular favourite, but all are very good!) and of course @rainofaugustsith ‘s Lana/Viri updates are always fantastic, some personal favourites from this year were Almost There & Memory of Healing :3 (I totally still go back to read Commander & Advisor too sometimes, getting to see Viri be a little diabolical and messing with “MiNiSTeR LoRMaN!” was and still is my favourite thing XD)

If I’ve left you out I’m sorry!! These were the ones that stuck out in my memory, but I’ve loved everyone’s writing this year, it’s been great :3

Writing Goals:

to actually finish and post chapter 8 & 9 of Creeping Shadows. Then we’ll get to the meat and potatoes of the story and maybe Aria will stop being a brat and fighting me every time I try to stick to a semi-regular update schedule Get off my butt, finalise the name and get started on Ni’kasi’s part of the Subterfugeverse story. Maybe run the updates in-tandem with Creeping Shadows but idk if I want to wait till after CS is done before I start posting Kas’s side, or do them side-by-side yet, we’ll see ;) Keep writing! I know better than to pressure myself by setting a specific word count goal, that’s never worked well in the past

At least 2 chapters of each of the works mentioned above would be great though, more would be better! We’ll see how I go

Words of Thanks:

honestly, to everybody in the fandom I’ve met this year. Anybody that I follow, thank you for being there and engaging with me and/or posting amazing content for me to look at! I came over from deviantART where the SWTOR fandom is incredibly small and generally quite inactive and the contrast since moving over here has been incredibly uplifting. I very nearly cancelled Creeping Shadows and stopped posting fic for my SWTORverse altogether because I got next to no engagement on dA and it was very disheartening to the point where I felt I could enjoy the game and the rp partners I had, but the solo projects I’d put so much thought, time and love into already weren’t worth continuing. You guys took that spark and kept it going and I really don’t have enough words to say how grateful I am for that. Even if I haven’t published much this year, making posts on this tumblr, interacting with everyone and working on lore, plot points and so on for Subterfugeverse has kept me going through the Hellish Year of Nightmares that was 2020 <3

to the amazing new friends I’ve made in this past year, who have listened to me ramble about headcanons, character backstories, writing snippets (and rambled/sent some back), keep being awesome: @walk-ng-d-saster , @darth-bagel , @kyber-heart , @deepseacritter , @thedinalixlegacy to further friends and meme tag buddies, I get so excited every time I see a mention for a new meme or ask game in my inbox, so thank you!! : @mimabeann , @palepinkycat , @a-master-procrastinator , @raven-of-domain-kwaad , @actualanxiousswampwitch , @thatmmolesbian , @a-muirehen to my regular commentors/rebloggers/likers/askbox lurkers, I see every one of you and every time your users pop up I grin like a kid in a toy shop: @starlightjedi , @sparkles-and-rust , @wilvarin-chan , @sunsetofdoom , @ask-an-andalite , @thelastenvoyyy . @lyrishadow and more because Tumblr only goes so far back and I have the memory of Swiss Cheese. If you regularly comment, like, reblog, or anything, from me, know that I see you, and I love and appreciate you for it! <3

I couldn’t possibly remember to tag everyone and I promise if I missed you out it’s not because I hate you! Anxiety just sometimes be a bitch and I don’t wanna look like a clown calling someone a “friend” if I’m not explicitly sure we are, in fact, friends. I think you’re all awesome and I’m so glad to have moved over here and met you all <3

[claitea]

tagged by @rokuseis :D

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people

name: clai (maybe.... i have been pondering changing it for like the 3683537th time lately ;A;)

nickname: soapy

gender: agender

star sign: aquarius

current time: 7pm

favourite artists: song artists or picture artists?? with music i dont usually like artists, i like individual songs. with art? if i have ever liked a post of your art, YOU are my favorite artist ❤

song stuck in my head: some remix of a fire emblem song they're using in the current dragalia x fe crossover event. i should play fire emblem, the music is nice--

last movie i saw: promare

last thing i googled: "acnl coffee" i think? needed to know what villager preferences were

other blogs: just this!

do i get asks: wish i did :(

reason for your url: i wanted a sora url because he's my favorite but couldnt think of anything other than just tacking "star" to the front in an attempt to sound cute

following: 189

average sleep: 8-6 hours??

lucky number: dont think i have one?

currently wearing: simple shirt n sweatpants

dream job: i'm not sure exactly yet but i want to draw!! if i can get into the games industry, even better!!

dream trip: i dont really have a dream trip, i just want to travel somewhere nice. japan maybe, though exactly where idk!

favourite food: ok so i am the PICKIEST person on earth, so whatever few foods i do tolerate, i love to pieces. rn i guess i could really go for this one very specific brand of fish.... i could easily go put it in the oven right now but i dont know what we're actually doing for dinner aaa

instruments: actually i mostly sing! i did get an ocarina for my birthday though and i've been meaning to actually learn it but i got distracted-- i do have a kazoo but that doesn't count jvdjvshsv

favourite song: hh-- kh2's lazy afternoons? kh bbs's date with fate? ff7r's hollow? kakusei from promare? don't make me choose between those rn please

tagging: i don't like tagging people for the fear of bothering them so uh,,,, anyone can steal this from me! ;w;

[illiterateopossum]

i don't really know what this is but thanks to @brisingr-iettauthr for the tag!!! im not tagging anyone except @manthastop because i don't wanna bug em but you all know who you are, so feel free to do this,,,,,, or not!!!!! no pressure!

are you named after anyone? - nope

when was the last time you cried? - almost last night but probably like two days ago. i cry a lot, sue me

do you have any kids? - i have friends that make jokes about my dad-ness but nope, just my pets

do you use sarcasm a lot? - not as much as i used to because it can come across as mean sometimes, but i do use it

what's the first thing you notice about someone? - probably outfit? face wise idk probably makeup if they're wearing it, or piercings. when it's not about looks, then the way they talk to people. cause ive met some pretty rude people at uni and you can always tell by how they address everyone else

what's your eye colour? - simply just v light blue. its the one thing i like about my appearance even tho it's p boring and common

scary movie or happy ending? - oooooo i l o v e a good scary movie (scary stories to tell in the dark is a good one if you haven't seen it yet) but overall id have to say a happy ending

special talents? - i wouldn't say i really have any? i can write pretty well apparently tho so ig that (my ao3 is schreibenzi, not to shamelessly plug it or anything lmao)

where were you born? - hull in england, live just outside of it in a small village now, (and huddersfield for uni lmao) but go back very regularly

what are your hobbies? - is it bad my first thought was video games and mobile games n stuff? i really miss dragon age inquisition rn so that'll be why. writing too of course, and sometimes digital art cause even tho i can't really draw all that well, im good at the painting bit

do you have any pets? - yup! a big ol poodle called pepe, he's huge and silly and i would die for him, and a chubby* cat called smokie who i would also die for even though he prefers grass to me. oh and two tortoises that live in my great grans room

*it's just fur, don't worry hes nice and healthy! just got a lot of fluff

what sports do you/have you played? - i mean ive played plenty of sports in highschool (hockey, baseball, netball, basketball, etc. rugby was the personal fave cause i wasn't too bad) but since then nothing ://// i don't feel comfortable with them lmao

how tall are you? - somewhere between 5'4 and 5'5. i both hate it and love it

favourite subject in school? - gcse was history for definite, idk what it was before then probably german or english, but i absolutely loved history and was really fucking good at it. a level at the time was sociology cause i was, once again, really good at it (even tho i seemingly bombed my exams which makes no sense. should have sent them to be remarked lmao) but looking back probably classical civilisations as a subject because it was a mix of history and english lit, two things i still love, even now as im doing a degree in a hhs subject

dream job? - i want to help people. i will say the same thing every time. i don't care what my job is so long as at the end of it, i can look back and see people thriving and know that i used whatever means i could to get them there. people who are doing no wrong don't deserve to be treated as though they are, just for existing.

well. that was a lot for only a few questions. im used to doing these things on my sideblog, but that's p much dead so hello guess im using this one more now.

[mariesmh-nuked]

Tagged by @alwaysshoutnani ! Thank you UvU 💖 My music taste is kind of a mixed bag LMAO so uh-

I'm tagging @rowanthejojonerd , @dianezeppelijoestar , @wings-of-nevermore, @missemmyem, @fairlydorky and @kirakira-tae !! Altho if you don't wanna do this you don't have to! QvQ

1. A song you like with a color in the title

Mr. Blue Sky but Electric Light Orchestra

2. A song you like with the number in the title

21st Century Schizoid Man by King Crimson

3. A song that reminds you of summer time

Sunflower by Rex Orange County or Hello, Goodbye by the Beatles

4. A song that reminds me of someone I’d like to forget

Oh god oh fuck- probably Just Add Water by Cavetown

5. A song that needs to be played out loud

I MISS YOU BY BLINK-182 !!!!!!

6. A song that makes you want to dance

Tender Lover by Baby Face, or Stayin' Alive by Bee Gees,,, OR Angeleyes by ABBA

7. A song that makes you happy

Let Me Know by Róisín Murphy

8. A song you never get tired of listening to

The Take Over, The Break's Over by Fall Out Boy

9. A song that I’d love to be played at your wedding

hhhhHh oh god- I mean, i'm never getting married, but hearing Love of My Life by Queen at any wedding is guaranteed to make the Queen stan in me go apeshit

10. A song that is covered by another artist

Turn The Page by Bob Seger (I honestly prefer the Metallica version tbqh)

11. A song you would sing as a duet for karaoke

DANCING QUEEN BY ABBA!!!!! HELL YEAH

12. A song that makes you think about life

Dream A Little Dream by Doris Day or The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala

13. A song with a person’s name in the title

Valerie by Amy Winehouse skdjksksks

14. A song you think everyone should listen to

My melodramatic ass is so fucking tempted to say "I Miss You by Blink-182", but then there's also Let it Happen by Tame Impala ;000

15. A song by a band you wish were still together

Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance :((

16. A song by an artist who is no longer living

Gold by Prince

17. A song that makes you wanna fall in love

hH lol if I could experience romance, it would be to the tune of Careless Whisper by George Michael à la Deadpool sKSKDNKS

18. A song that breaks your heart

There's a lot, but only one song makes me go "fuck yeah it hurts", which is Liability by Lorde

19. A song you remember from your childhood

OH GOD THERE'S A LOT– I'll have to go with You Changed My Life In A Moment by Janie Fricke, or Crazy by Aerosmith

20. A song that reminds you of yourself

Uh idk imma just put whatever is stuck in my head rn which is Fight Fire With Fire by Metallica and uHhhh FYA by Bonaparte

[arofili]

tagged by @jrrtolkiens​ thanks!

nickname(s): technically anna is a nickname

zodiac sign: virgo

height: 5′8″

last movie i saw: hhhhhHHHH i don’t know ??? snowpiercer maybe but that was like a month and a half ago??

last thing I googled: ‘brooklyn 99 season 6 episode 4 123movies’ am i ashamed of pirating b99? a little bit but i gotta do what i gotta do

favourite musician: uhhh hh uhh uhh [runs away]

song stuck in my head: whatever tomska was using in his most recent last month bc im watching that rn

other blogs: hoo boy do i got a lot... let’s plug my taz blog @aroburnsides​ and my personal aro sideblog @arogimli​ !!

following: 815 blogs, wow that’s too many i should prune it down

followers: 1,992 ... so close to 2k!!

do i get asks: only when i’m too busy to answer them lmao

amount of sleep i get: 6-8 hrs...trying to be healthier

lucky numbers: idk,,, i usually pick something in the 30s for number games and i won one recently??

what i’m wearing: green shirt + jeans + bombas socks

dream job: author !

dream trip: literally anywhere

favourite food: pasta!!

instruments: piano & voice!

languages: just english

favourite songs: i already ran away when u asked about favorite musicians

random fact: i need to get dinner now before the dining hall closes

aesthetic: green, elven, cozy, hearts, stars, pastels

i tag @thishazeleyeddemon @but-what-if-i-fly @harperslee and @eldritchmage

[gendice]

(1) oh honey I feel your struggle. I'm a writer in this fandom too and like... I KNOW my stuff is good. I know it. And I have spent MONTHS on fics before only to post them to a lukewarm reception. It sucks because there are so many factors. So many! Posting time vs timezones, how many followers you have, the off chance of a popular blog reblogging it.. etc. And the most frustrating thing is sometimes I'll get a good reception on one website but NONE on another site, for the exact same fic!

The unfortunate thing is that’s just kinda .. how it is. It blows dude like fandom artists don’t really have to face that? The barrier to entry for them is so much lower I think. I’ve been writing for a very long time and I’ve sort of come to terms now with the fact that sometimes a story is just only going to get so many likes/comments/etc. Even when I think it deserves more or even when I feel like I haven’t gotten back nearly as much as I poured into it in the end I just try to remember that I’m writing for me more than anyone else. Everything I write makes me a better writer, so even if I post a fic and it only gets half the notes I’d hoped for, I’m still glad to have written it and put it out there. I’m still glad for the people who did read it and love it. I’m not trying to be preachy or anything, its just hard watching you struggle over something I’ve also struggled with for so very very long :/

Even established writers struggle with this! Like, I have a fic on ao3 that’s got 1000+ kudos and yet the Tumblr post for it slipped completely under the radar with few notes. You just can’t predict the whims of the internet sometimes. The only thing you can do when you’re sad about the reception of a story is to keep writing. The more you write the bigger you audience grows!! It’s the only constant that’s stayed with me from fandom to fandom. If you just keep writing, the readers will come.

sorry for the wall of text!! I really thought your story was lovely, and had a unique style to it. I hope you keep on writing no matter what, from one writer to another. Don’t be discouraged :)

hhhh h h ok i don’t want to discredit artists bc i know they spend a lot of time and effort on their works too but i think it’s easier for them to get notes/reception bc their works are visual and people can see what it is at a glance and decide whether they like it or not instead of having to spend actual time reading a bunch of words lol 

but anyway you’re right and logically i DO know there are plenty of factors to how well a fic will be received but also i can’t help but worry that it’s my fault that they’re doing so poorly?? i worry that the content that im putting out isn’t what people want to see which is the reason why my fics do so badly and, idk, i want to know what im doing wrong and what i can do to make it better but i just can’t? im not trying to say that my fics are better than those that get more hits/kudos but i can’t help it when i look at some more popular fics and i try to study them but i dont get what people like about them so much?? sorry this just makes me sound like a jackass but it’s probably just personal preference and mine being so different from the majority of the fandom’s which is also why i can’t write stuff that people like 

god i know everyone says that you should write for yourself and part of me does which is why i stick so closely to the style that i do but also it’s just,, numbers in the form of hits/kudos/notes serve as affirmation that my stuff is good, and it’s the only thing my flimsy-ass self esteem can rely on because i absolute hate hate h a t e the stuff that i make sometimes and i doubt myself so much all the time so when i see that a fic does well, it tells me that hey this isnt so bad, but when i see a fic flop it’s like, confirmation that my stuff stinks big time which is. its a sucky feeling. i know it’s not good to have that kind of mentality but it’s just the way that i am??? lets be real here like i can say in confidence that im a thirsty bitch and i do want people to read and like and kudos my stuff and my self esteem gets kicked repeatedly every time my fics flop so. h yea h 

honestly if it werent for my followers on here (sorry 2 everyone) and me shoving my fics in their faces i probably wont even get more than 100 hits on my fics lol and i feel kind of bad bc a part of me wants to deserve the hits and kudos that i get instead of having them just bc i kept yelling at my followers about my fics (i kind of feel like those people who would hold up the news and yell hear ye in medieval times or whatever) but. idk im conflicted cos i know this is one kind-of efficient way to get people to notice my fics. but part of me feels Bad when i do so too but idk. its also bc of this that i refuse to tag people or ask them directly to rb my fic posts bc i’d feel really guilty and ashamed and i don’t want to use people in that way?? and i’m not close friends with a lot of people on here either especially popular content creators so honestly i don’t think a lot of writers/blogs with large followings would rb my fic posts either so basically im just fucking myself over lol 

god sorry im ranting and i know i don’t technically have a right to bitch so much since as i’ve said before 1) my stuff isn’t as good as some other people who i know face this same problem and honestly deserve so much more attention for their works and 2) i havent even been writing for that long so i really am not allowed to complain but hh h h idk i just get super frustrated over this i cant help it