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elderbwrry · 4 years

Text

Even if he doesn't say so

A little darkgingerpilot Witcher AU I discussed months ago with @cleversturmhond I have no concept of how time passes anymore

Summary: The Witcher meets a bard, the bard meets a mage, and they travel the continent. Kylo knows what he feels, but he can't seem to act. Hux acts without talking about things. And Poe... well, what does Poe feel?

Tags: Witcher AU, Inspired by The Witcher, Slow Burn, if you count 13k as slow burn i guess, within the story its slow burn, fantasy medieval setting, Self-Indulgent, Mage Hux, witcher kylo, Bard Poe, scenic, They're oblivious, sex references, Yearning, i guess, im slapping a mature on it for sex references and some minor violence but honestly ehhh idk, darkgingerpilot

Chapter 1/2/3/?, wordcount 5012

also on Ao3

Whenever someone asked Kylo, he always said he preferred to keep to himself and the company of Silence, his horse and his best companion for the very fact of her name; she didn't talk, she didn't disturb the meditative quiet of his lonely rides, and, most importantly, he wasn't unsure how to curry her favour. An apple would do it. His current companions, on the other hand...

For some gods-forsaken reason, Poe and Hux were quarrelling about a composer who had been dead for over a century. When the three of them had first started travelling together years ago, and in the short time since they'd reunited, such discussion had been endearing; both of them were opinionated about certain things, and their conversations often turned into little debates over whatever topic arose while they were travelling. This was one of those occasions, Kylo enjoying listening to their thoughts and voices filling up the worn country roads. A throwaway comment had become interesting; Kylo didn't actually know much about this particular composer, whereas Hux and Poe both did, and, though Kylo didn't often contribute to these discussions in any great detail since the other two were both so much better with words, he did like to learn something new occasionally. But now, several hours into their journey and still on the same subject, it was just getting fucking annoying.

“I literally studied her work. You can't just turn around and say she wasn't revolutionary,” Poe objected, trotting along between Silence and Hux's own horse on the wide bridleway, looking up at Hux indignantly.

Poe's lowered position made it seem slightly laughable when Hux looked down at him and countered, “Since I actually met the woman, I think you'll find I can,” before prompting his horse to walk on ahead of them.

Poe picked up his pace a little and continued the argument, making some musical point Kylo didn't understand either. He tried to tune them out a bit as he let Silence drop back a short distance behind the them.

Considering how much time the three of them spent around each other in recent years, Kylo supposed he should be glad disagreements as lengthy as these were relatively few. And, certainly, they were fewer even than when it had only been Kylo and Poe on the path together.

[break]

Kylo had met Poe many years ago – at least a decade, if he thought about it – when he'd been compelled by his work to go through the city he'd been born in. Not only was the place particularly unfriendly to Witchers, but also had relations of his – distant now, yet he wanted to avoid them nonetheless – in positions of authority. Kylo had used a fake name, a low hood to hide his eyes, his scar, and stuck to the dingiest taverns, but a curly-haired, high-born young man had recognised him anyway, sitting himself down confidently at Kylo's corner table, offering his name, and saying, “I know you. You're that famous Witcher.”

Kylo had eyed his unwelcome acquaintance – Poewas what he introduced himself as – guessing that he couldn't yet be twenty summers old. Of course, Kylo was no good with ages – his own longevity had corroded his sense for them until everyone seemed either old or young in confusing measures – but Poe's next request had practically confirmed his suspicion.

“Would you let me come with you?” Poe had asked the second the bar-wench had placed down Kylo's ale.

“Come with me where?” Kylo grunted. He wasn't in the mood to bodyguard some noble, out for the first time in a world without castle walls.

“Well, where are you going?” Poe's eyes had glinted as he offered Kylo a charming smile.

Kylo had appraised him again, taking in his youth, his rich clothes, his courage, and summarily said, “No.”

Poe's smile didn't drop, even though Kylo could see his only half-amused chuckle for the frustration it was. “Come on, I just wanna see a bit of the world. Get away from my guardian's expectations.”

“The Queen?” Kylo had asked, an imprudently displayed gold ring on the youth's finger catching the light.

Poe had shrugged a yes.

It only made Kylo refuse all the more. The Queen was one of the people Kylo was known to by unfortunate fact of his heritage, someone he never wanted to anger, in case of her having some cause to meet with him personally. Poe, while not her blood family, would surely be missed, as her ward, were he to make off with a Witcher, especially with the one so primarily known for the massacre at Crait.

Poe's gaze went steely at Kylo's final dismissal, and he'd left the tavern quickly after that. It couldn't have been two years later when Kylo encountered the young man again, fine doublet swapped for something a little more incognito in orange and brown tones, a lute slung over his back and all the more determination to see everything.

Kylo hadn't refused him a second time, and he wouldn't have been able to, since Poe no longer had any qualms about following him uninvited. Thus, he had a new travelling companion.

Just as he suspected, Poe was a liability in some aspects of the job where monsters were concerned, but Poe had also dragged him, limping, back to camp before, bandaged his wounds, fetched his potions. His life had undeniably turned for the better with the bard around; Poe was a talented musician, it turned out, and the extra income and incentive to stay at inns meant Kylo was now more acquainted with feather pillows than he'd ever hoped to be. The positive company had made Kylo better as well, at talking to people, at putting up with them, at giving life nuance. His path was lighter with Poe on it.

They became comfortable around each other. They began to argue, about the silly things people who know each other well and cared for each other deeply argue about, about which direction to head in, which inn to stop at, about the jacket Kylo had left to get trampled by the last monster he'd fought. Barely a day went by without some kind of silly quibble to that effect, but it never truly changed the form of their relationship.

Then, they'd met Hux.

[break]

Kylo had been around long enough that he'd thought he'd heard of most of the other powerful, non-mortal beings on the continent, so randomly running into an evidently strong mage like Hux, who he'd never heard of, was a bit surprising. Kylo had been employed to go and rid a keep up on the hill of whatever it was that was plaguing it. He was expecting to take a while to figure it out, but when he arrived, the malevolent spirits were revealed easily by the mage already locked in battle with them.

The fight the man was putting up was impressive, given the sheer number of foes. He was spewing fire everywhere, manipulating the elements to his will, his bright hair and swan-white robe whipped around by the wind he was creating, but eventually Kylo could see he was losing, and so joined him in the fight. It was fortuitous that they were both there, as Kylo certainly couldn't have defeated them all on his own either. When the last spirit was destroyed, however, Hux had spun round, announced that he had decidedly notrequired the help of some filthy Witcher, and flounced off. He'd gotten about ten paces when he collapsed from the sheer exertion of having used his magic in such a manner.

So Kylo had carried the mage back to camp and laid him down on his bedroll to recuperate.

Poe was travelling with Kylo at that time, and, though he was surprised to see Hux, he seemed very glad to see Kylo back from the fight, juiced up on potions but otherwise unharmed. His smile had made Kylo's heart do something he didn't really understand, the same thing it did when Poe met his gaze during a performance at whatever tavern they were staying at, the same when Kylo said something complimentary to him. Indeed, it was becoming more and more of a common feeling, and Kylo was finding that he rather liked it.

When Kylo suggested he should probably go find a rabbit or something for dinner, Poe seemed happy enough to watch over the mage until he returned, and Kylo had picked his way into the forest they were camping on the edge of with his head full of thoughts of Poe. His distraction had meant he took longer than usual to catch something, and when he got back, it was to find Poe backed against a tree, Hux threatening him using a dagger Kylo hadn't realised he'd had on him.

“Kylo!” Poe had shouted when he saw him – and again, the weird thing Kylo's heart did around Poe – equal parts relieved and pissed off.

Hux relaxed only slightly at knowing whose camp it was he had been brought to, and, once Kylo had convinced him to lower the weapon, he protested strongly that he didn't want anyone's help or charity, and that he was offended to have been carried around like some damsel. Poe told him he was very welcome to fuck off, but it soon became clear that Hux wasn't in any shape to be going off on his own, so he stayed with them that night.

Kylo was settling in to sleep on the opposite side of the fire to Hux when Poe dumped his bedroll down next to him, closer than usual – cue the weird heart thing again – and lay down. All Kylo had managed to ask was, “What are you doing?”

Huffing, Poe leaned up to peer over Kylo's arm at where Hux was lying, turned away from them on the far side of their little camp. “He tried to kill me today. I don't wanna wake up with my throat cut for some magey shit.”

Kylo considered pointing out that Poe wouldn't wake up at all if his throat had been slit, but he was more struck by the implication that Poe was trusting him to protect him. Usually, people were more likely to fear that Kylo would be the one killing them after whatever monster he'd been hired to dispatch, but Poe was different, and always had been, really. He insisted that Kylo had good in him, that he wasn't all the darkness that Witchers were supposed to be. He wasn't entirely right, of course, but it was nice to have someone hope in him.

So instead of making the bard move away, all Kylo had said was, “You'll get cold, so far from the fire,” and offered Poe an extra side of his own blanket.

One night of Hux staying with them turned into two, into three, into a week's travel to the neighbouring city. In fact, Kylo was almost sad to see the severe mage leave, as it meant he and Poe went back to their usual sleeping arrangements, instead of curling up together with Kylo as his shield.

[break]

Months later, to Kylo's surprise, Hux sought him out. He was after a gem of something something and he needed hired muscle that he could trust would actually get the job done. Hux had found them by the coast, and the first thing he said as he took Poe in was, “You're still travelling with him, are you?” Kylo wasn't sure whether the question was meant for him or Poe, but they'd both answered definitively.

The month and a half of travel it took to reach the mountain cave system in which the gem was kept saw Poe and Hux grow accustomed to each other, if not strictly friendly. Poe didn't resume his habit of sleeping next to Kylo, Hux didn't try to kill Poe again, and eventually they stopped speaking to each other in jibes and barbs.

Hux and Kylo also ended up bonding; they would sit together in taverns while Poe was performing and talk, about things that they remembered from when they were young, things Poe had learned only from his history professors. It was nice to have someone who related, who had experienced similar things to him, who understood what it was to be not-quite human and tied to a duty they didn't quite want. Hux had been raised in magic, it turned out, and, as they talked, Kylo realised it wasn't so different to being raised into killing as he had been. The small, commiserating smiles Hux offered struck Kylo deeply, and one day he realised that Hux, bathed in the yellow, glowing tavern light, was beautiful.

When they reached the cave systems that were their destination, Poe had to stay in the local town while Hux and Kylo went in search of the gem, since the place was too unknown and dangerous to risk him coming. And it did turn out to be dangerous; Hux and Kylo each saved each others' life a few times, had several close calls, and, once all the stress and danger of the adventure had turned into the satisfaction of success, they translated that pent-up tension into a vigorous fuck on the way out.

“I don't know why you keep him around,” Hux commented as they trudged back to the town to meet Poe, gem firmly in his grasp. “He can't help you with your work like I could.”

Kylo supposed that was true. “He helps me be better,” Kylo replied, which was also true.

Hux made a derisive sound. “Does he, now.”

Kylo shook his head at Hux's tone. “Why don't you like him? You have plenty in common.”

“It's not that I don't like him,” Hux said, tossing his head to get a strand of hair which had slipped in front of his eyes out of the way. Considering Kylo was grimy and dishevelled from the fighting, Hux's deep crimson tunic still looked remarkably put together, and it gave him a haughty air as he said, “I know his type. I've served them in courts all over the continent for centuries. They think they're entitled to everything without working for it and without thanking the people who actually make it possible. He's just another ungrateful, mortal noble.”

Kylo thought about what he said for a good minute. “You're wrong,” he said.

[break]

Back at the inn, Poe had the entire town in the palm of his hand thanks to his songs. He looked charming as ever, flashing smiles to all the ladies who were fawning over him, but Kylo was happy to see that, when Poe spotted them enter, his smile softened and a new light entered his eyes. This time, the flip in Kylo's heart felt more natural than ever.

When Kylo emerged from the bathhouse, Poe was already waiting in his room for a full account of the adventure so he could turn it into his latest ballad. Kylo related what happened as he usually did, keeping to the bare facts and trusting Poe to make them into pretty wordplay later, until he got to the end, at which point he decided that Poe didn't strictly need to know that Hux had pushed him up against the wall of the cave and kissed him with a ferocity he wasn't likely to forget any time soon.

But Poe noticed the brief hesitation and looked up from his little book where he'd been scribbling notes. “What?” he asked.

Kylo shrugged. “Nothing. We left to come back here,” he said, pulling the shirt he was wearing off and reaching for a different one.

“Did something bite you?”

Kylo could hear the frown in Poe's voice, and he turned back to see Poe's eyes locked on a slightly bruised, reddish ring low on his neck. A vague recollection surfaced in Kylo's mind of Hux tugging down his collar, once his outer layer of armour was off, and digging his teeth hard into the flesh over that spot. He hummed, reaching up to rub at it and thus hide it from Poe's sight. “Must have.”

Poe stood up and approached, batting Kylo's hand out of the way, which he couldn't find the motivation to resist. When Poe ran his thumb over the bruise, he was so warm Kylo pushed into the touch. If Poe noticed, he didn't comment, his brow was deeply furrowed. “What kind of monster even has teeth like that?”

A knock came on the door. “Kylo,” Hux called from outside, “we need to talk about payment.”

“I'm...” Kylo hesitated, feeling strangely and suddenly like he'd betrayed Poe. “I'm coming.”

Kylo wasn't sure what about him looked guilty, but Poe seemed to realise at that moment where the mark came from. “Oh,” he said, stepping away and back to his book.

Not long after that, Poe announced his intention to head back to his home kingdom. Kylo's mouth went dry. It was Hux who had to ask the platitudes – did he have some business to attend to? How long did he think he would stay? - which Poe replied to blandly, something about responsibility to his mentors. Kylo wanted to ask him to stop, to stay, but all he managed to get out was, “I'll miss you.”

[break]

Time passed.

Poe left for home, taking his light and song with him.

Kylo spent one winter with Hux, back in the keep where they'd first met, which Hux had appropriated for himself, but it was all wrong; there was a grounding influence missing, without which the two of them spent more time treating each other angrily than well. The sex was amazing, but eventually, it felt hollow. The day it became clear that the harshest weather had blown over, Kylo was back on Silence, looking for the next contract out on a monster, something he could hack into pieces without thinking.

The seasons changed, fled and returned until it had been another year. Kylo was firmly back in the blank swing of contract, monster, payment, move along, but the campfire felt lonely after dark, when he had nothing to occupy his mind. He started talking to Silence; she never replied.

Sometimes, Kylo found himself wondering how long it would be until he ran into Hux again, and if he would even want to see him. Maybe he could make the way they left things up to him. They'd had something, after all, and, though it hadn't been perfect, he missed that feeling of love and understanding and protection which Hux provided. Kylo didn't hold out much hope of seeing Poe; he never went near his home city, and why would Poe venture out again? He'd seen his share of the world. He was back in his real life, now.

But eventually, those nights of wondering wore Kylo down, and, quite without intending to, he found himself directing Silence down the path to the kingdoms neighbouring Poe's.

There, Kylo found himself invited to the royal tourney of Queen Phasma, as a guest of honour. She was a renowned warrior, and Kylo reasoned that it would be rude to decline the request of such an esteemed ruler. He reasoned that perhaps she would even have some work for him. He reasoned a lot of things, in his attempt to deny to himself that the real reason was hope that a tourney would be more than enough cause for a neighbouring noble to be in the area, or even just a bard...

The festivities were festivities. It was strange, to watch others fight instead of having to do it himself, and for performance rather than necessity. Though sometimes the rush of people grated on him, Phasma was a gracious host and Kylo enjoyed the good food well enough, always keeping an eye out for some shock of red hair, or those cheerful, dark curls he so hoped for.

His vigilance yielded one of those prizes.

A tall, beautiful, severe looking man entered the great hall one evening for the feast, walking directly up to the main table at which Phasma and Kylo were seated, and didn't even falter when he recognised Kylo's distinctive scar, yellow eyes, dark garb.

“Hux!” Phasma exclaimed standing and marching around the table to pull the man into a hug, which he returned with surprising readiness, “My dear friend, it has been too long!”

Hux gave a half-bow. “I'm sorry I'm late, I was caught up with business.”

“Ah, yes, business,” Phasma said knowingly, “and where is Lord Dameron?”

Hux's eyes flitted over to Kylo's for the briefest of seconds. “Altogether too caught up with his teaching to bother with a tournament, I'm afraid.”

“Well you must tell him I want him at the next one.” With that, she made to retake her seat again, gesturing at Kylo. “Kylo, this is Hux, currently an advisor to court in the neighbouring kingdom and the most talented mage in all the continent. Hux, Kylo, the Witcher.”

“Yes, we've met,” Hux understated, settling his gaze on Kylo fully, now, and extending his hand to Kylo over the table. Not sure what he was expected to do, Kylo gave Hux his hand, and Hux took it, raising it to his lips and kissing Kylo's knuckles.

Kylo wasn't entirely certain if he could blush any more, since the mutations which had turned him into a Witcher, but if he could, he was sure he was, what with so many people around to witness a display of affection which Kylo was unused to at the best of times. Along with that, relief, because it made him feel suddenly like all was forgiven without him having to wrangle the words around an apology.

“Hux, stop that and sit down!” Phasma reprimanded, “The players will begin soon.”

It was only as Hux sat down that Kylo realised the empty chair on his right had likely always been for Hux. No sooner had he settled than the players flooded the floor, dancing into their performance of an old, famous play, something about two supernatural kings vying for the affection of a mortal with all sorts of fanciful gifts.

“This version is better than the original,” Hux remarked a short while in, and Kylo hummed out an assent, though he had never seen it when it first was performed. He was probably too busy wading through drowner guts, or something similarly uncouth.

“So, you're in Poe's court, now?” Kylo asked instead. “Is he king?”

“No,” Hux remarked, picking up his goblet of wine and keeping his gaze on the players. “Nor does he want to be. The Queen has plenty of other worthy successors, and Poe would much rather go back to spending his days as a bard.” He tutted. “Even if he doesn't say so.”

“Why are you there?”

He sighed. “I wanted to see what you meant about him not being like the others, so I offered my services to the Queen.” Kylo hummed again, and this time, Hux turned to look at him. “You were quite right. He's different. I find myself rather taken with him.”

Kylo reached for his own wine now, his mouth suddenly dry. “Oh. Have you..?”

“No. Kylo...” Hux placed his cup down and leaned to the side so his shoulder was brushing Kylo's, even as Kylo was resolutely not looking at him. “He misses you. And I know you miss him.”

As if by design, the lutist started to play, and both their eyes went to the young woman performing in the corner. Kylo found himself thinking, perhaps uncharitably, that she wasn't as talented as Poe, her song wasn't as sweet.

Hux didn't fail to notice this. “I think we should travel together again,” he said.

“We?”

“You and I and Poe,” Hux said, as though it were obvious. “Like we did those few months travelling in from the coast. I've found myself thinking about them a lot.”

Kylo shrugged. “It was only a few months. Things have changed since then.”

“Which is why we should give it another try.” Kylo jolted in slight surprise when he felt Hux's cool hand lay over his own on the arm of the chair. He turned to find Hux looking directly into his eyes. “Stay here for a week after the tourney is over, and I'll have convinced him to come. Kylo.” A tacit command from Hux, as usual, instead of a request.

Kylo nodded.

[break]

So Kylo waited by the city gates, where Hux had sent a messenger bird that he should meet them. He was nervous, when he first spotted the black dot on the distant path that he was sure was them, shuffling from one foot to the other and gripping Silence's reins tight, like that would do anything. He was wondering how he should greet Poe; hello, certainly, and he didn't think he'd be able to stop himself from smiling, but he found that he also wanted to give him a hug, press their lips together, feel that he was really thereagain, after the nearly two years they'd spent apart.

It turned out he needn't have worried, since Poe sprang forward and clasped him into a hug without prompting, talking immediately about where they would be going and how good it would be to be back on the road.

Hux had merely given him a look that said I told you so, and followed after the excitable bard.

That had been nearly two weeks ago.

It turned out that Hux was entirely right; things were different than before, and they were better. The things that had changed were these:

Hux had brought a horse with him, this time, and several other magical items, such as a tent which was far larger inside than it appeared. Poe hadn't bothered with a horse, since he hadn't needed one before, and had thus left the money with which to pay for its upkeep back at home, planning instead to sing for his money like he used to. Kylo rather liked this; it reminded him of old times, when he steadfastly refused to let Poe ride Silence, in case it tired her out too much. The tent, on the other hand, felt annoyingly like Hux was living in style while the two of them were stuck outside, since Hux had never invited them in and Kylo, for one, wasn't about to invite himself.

It seemed Hux and Poe had also developed a much closer friendship, in the time Hux had spent at court. It made Kylo feel a little like he had missed out, like he had time to catch up on, like there was something impenetrable he couldn't access. Kylo supposed it must be similar for Hux, since he and Poe had known each other for so long before he met them, and again for Poe, given that winter when it was only him and Hux, but times like these – Poe and Hux discussing something so academic that Kylo knew so little about – could be daunting as much as interesting.

Mostly, Kylo felt like he still had to make something up to Poe, and he wasn't sure how to do it. He should probably just have a conversation with him about it, but the words never came, and bringing it up when nobody was thinking about it would, he was sure, just sour the mood. And if he just left it, the tension would have to break eventually.

[break]

Ahead of him on the road, Hux and Poe's little argument seemed to have reached a peak point. Kylo had been too lost in his thoughts to pay attention to what they were saying, but now Poe had stopped walking, raising open arms in that way of his that was almost defeated, but actually said he still thought he was right. It was very cute, like he was a turtle with a lute for a shell, and Kylo couldn't help but think his annoyed expression was charming as well.

When Silence reached the spot where Poe was standing, watching Hux ride on with his usual haughty confidence, Kylo hummed. “Did he win?”

Poe huffed, moving again to keep up with Silence's ambling pace. “No, but he's acting like he did. He always thinks he's right.”

Kylo thought about it for a beat; Hux did indeed always think that he was right. It was one of the things that had caused friction in their attempt at a relationship that one winter. It wasn't that all three of them couldn't be stubborn, more that Kylo and Poe had much more ability to hold out against each other's pestering than either of them seemed to have against Hux. One narrowing twitch of those steely-grey eyes, and anyone with even half a sense of self-preservation would surrender. So Kylo could sympathise with Poe's little pout.

They came to the edge of the forest, the village where they planned to stop a short way before them across a few fields. Kylo drew Silence to a halt and put out a hand to Poe, who looked at it first with surprise and then joy. He quickly allowed Kylo to help him up, settling just behind the Witcher, his chest pressed to his back, their thighs brushing against each other with every movement. Kylo could feel it all, and he tried not to let his stomach flip too much when Poe's arms snaked around his sides, hands locking at his front. He cursed inwardly that today he'd chosen to forgo some layers in favour of his cooler shirt.

But then Poe was saying to him over his shoulder – though it felt more like murmuring in his ear - “Come on, I wanna see Hux's face.”

Kylo prodded Silence to walk on, closing the distance on Hux. As they passed, Kylo felt Poe remove one hand to wave at the mage. Looking around, it was in almost slow motion that Hux's expression went from one of mild astonishment to annoyance to jealousy.

“See you there, Hugs!” Poe said, and Kylo smiled to himself.

#darkgingerpilot #armitage hux #poe dameron #kylo ren #kylo/hux/poe #kylux #darkpilot #gingerpilot #my writing #fanfiction #witcher au #fantasy medieval au #even if he doesn't say so

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ratspberry · 3 years

Text

many naruto thoughts head overloading

ok im only like 20 episodes into shippuden and i skipped a Lot of filler in original naruto bc i do not have the patience </3 (i will come back to the filler one day though) and while i love this anime theres so much i wish... was not written how it is

first of all sakura... i love her sm and i just wish her character was given some more care like at this point in shippuden im actually really enjoying the direction shes taken but i heard a lot of her growth is sidelined when sasuke comes back into the picture and thats my biggest issue. im sorry but if youre going to introduce a TRIO of main characters i want to see that main group equally fleshed out. first going all the way back to the beginning i wish that sakura was allowed to fight??? like we KNOW shes super smart and has powerful chakra so even when at that time she wasnt the most skilled fighter (as far as we KNOW at least. given that we barely got to see her fight who knows!) she couldve in the very least played a similar role to that of shikamaru as far as leadership and strategizing. and ok her crush on sasuke should have dissipated a lot more after the chunin exams. even though i do hate to see her spend so much time fawning over sasuke when hes not even particularly kind to her i think a crush in the beginning could still work IF the moment of her cutting her hair (“sasuke likes girls with long hair”) and her battle w ino during the chunin exams were like an eye-opening moment for her when she was like “wtf am i doing i am going to work hard as a ninja to prove that i can do this to MYSELF and MY RIVAL first” (which. ok she does get to this point later and again i love her learning chakra and getting strong as HELL during her training w tsunade but again. i want to see that REMAIN parallel to the enormous power level leaps that sasuke and naruto make. also let sakura and ino have a fun friendship rivalry that has nothing to do w sasuke) . i think it would be better if she naruto and sasuke were just friends who ALL help and motivate each other. and so when sasuke leaves sakura is STILL super fucked up over it and maybe even has a hard time trusting naruto again after he comes back? (but ofc she eventually does bc power of friendship) like IDK loss of one best friend, then almost immediately after your other best friend (who u just learned secretly is sealed w the nine tails and the akatsuki is after him just like orochimaru was after sasuke) leaves you for THREE YEARS??? kind of a salt in the wound moment! also im simply not even going to touch on all the comphet marriages in the end

next im going to talk about rock lee my friend rock lee who i adore. anyways he either should not have foregone the surgery from tsunade or died from it. HEAR ME OUT! this surgery was good in showing how powerful tsunade is as a healer but like? was it necessary? after she brought naruto back to life??? as far as lees characterization his whole thing is that he may not have special jutsu or the same prodigal abilities as his peers but he can still be as powerful or more powerful! and idk i hate when characters have serious life changing stuff done to them and not seeing it fully explored in the story. like ok so we’ve got tsunade telling lee (who cant be older than 12? 13?) theres a 50/50 chance he’ll die in the surgery to heal him. and then guy ENCOURAGES HIM, HIS FAVORITE STUDENT, to go through with the surgery so he could then go on to be a ninja and continue risking his life?????? so i thought that was pretty screwed up. which leads me to the two paths that i think would be interesting to see play out: 1. lee doesnt get the surgery, but continues to train as a ninja. his injuries still exist but lee learns to fight WITH the injuries and creates a really cool badass unique fighting style and goes on to be a great ninja like he dreamed 2. lee dies in surgery. id hate it i would and i dont WANT lee to die but it might be a fuckin wakeup call to all these adult ninjas urging kids into warfare. lee is beloved by all so it would be a good moment of pause for everyone to think like “ummm so the systems that be are kind of majorly fucked up.”

those are the two main ideas i had but heres a few misc things:

-jiraiya can be the author of as many trashy romance novels as he wants but him hitting on younger women and being like a peeping tom and UGH the way he was introduced w narutos ‘sexy jutsu’ is just. not good. take it out.

-let tsunade look her age. like the whole “she uses her chakra to make herself look young”? i dont buy it. i dont care that you just didnt feel like drawing a woman who looks over 20. you will do it anyways bc i said so.

-i dont dislike n/ruhina as much as i dislike s/susaku bc at least its clear theres a mutual respect and admiration there but hinata, like sakura, has so much more potential to be explored. idk if its looked at in filler or later in shippuden (id sure hope so) but i think her parallel to sasuke is kind of interesting? both have intimidating, extremely powerful older brothers (i know neji is technically hinatas cousin or smth but whatever older brother figures. also i know hinatas sister is also supposed to be super powerful but idk her yet) who are held in high esteem by their families and have all this pressure on their shoulders to want to surpass them? given that neji didnt um. do the things itachi did clearly its not the SAME between hinata and sasuke but i feel like examining the hyuga family dynamics would be SO interesting in comparison to sasukes arc. i didnt mind seeing hinata motivated by naruto the first few times but like. there is SO MUCH MORE THERE than JUST hinatas relationship to naruto.

-all of these kids need therapy but ESPECIALLY sasuke like the signs were there. halfway thru the bell test thing SUPER early on sasuke went into a full-fledged “i am an avenger.. i have to kill a certain someone” monologue and given the fact that everyone knows his entire clan was killed and that sasuke is likely VERY traumatized... who thought it was a good idea to let him become a ninja before addressing any of that. my god. like i love kakashi and i know he has his own devestating backstory and that hes a product of the system but why the Fuck would he let sasuke take the chunin exams. give team 7 a year more of training and getting to know each other and give sasuke some time to create bonds and maybe even open up emotionally and begin to heal and then MAYBE we can THINK ab chunin exams.

-asuma and ino apologize to choji for telling him not to eat as much challenge? did asuma not know that chojis clan uses food to replenish their chakra? it would make sense if ino didnt know but chojis teacher?? either way still p fucked, leave choji alone

-speaking of ino i want more of her character tok. why was she not included in that mission to save sasuke that shikamaru, her TEAMMATE, led?? was there an explanation for that?? i feel like her not being there was a missed opportunity for some real growth/bonding between team 10.

-speaking of the last bullet point shikamaru being like “ugh women 🙄” is tired and boring. very misogynistic “i hate my wife” facebook dad humor. cut that shit out

-orochimarus coding and his whole um. intent as a villain is just very. Hm. i dont think i like that very much but im not going to go into it bc im sure its been touched upon a million times

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infinitum-imaginaerum · 6 years

Note

F.11 with Wonwoo, please.

Wonwoo | F.11 “I’m just glad you’re safe. I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you.”

Words | 6,060

Warnings | SWAT!Wonwoo !!!!! Soft bath hours: implied nudity. Lots of kitheth, slight angst?

Notes | This prompt doesn’t belong in the fluff section??? but like??? whatever I guess??? so it’s like… idk 15% angst. Im sry but this is just not a fluffy prompt hahaa. And as I said, many kisses. Please check the status of the game in my blog description before requesting!

Send a bias, a section, and a number and I’ll write you a thing!

You’d met Wonwoo through the NIS, or the National Intelligence Service, when the two of you were just young trainees at the ripe age of eighteen. The two of you were among the best shots of your time, and quite quick on your feet. Your risk analysis was incredible for someone your age, problem solving skills; recon mission assessments were all but too weak for the two of you. It was if you had been training for this all of your lives; the field agent aspect.

Constantly, the two of you were competing with each other, though it was mostly in fun as you both were above and beyond excelling in your academy. You were just kids back then, looking on to bigger and better and more dangerous and riskier things, getting into the NIS. Not only was the security of the country to be put in your hands, but the most serious criminal cases often crossed your teams after graduating your academy.

Wonwoo went to the National Police Agency soon after the two of you had gone your separate ways, dropping out of NIS. The two of you still often worked together when dealing with the more serious cases, as he was a top-tier member of the SWAT unit. Outside of work, the two of you often met for coffee, discreetly discussing cases in the open even though it was highly frowned upon. Both of you had set up your own list of code-words to make it sound like you were talking about ordinary things.

Here you were, now, four years down the road after entering the academy, two years into your separate forces. You and Wonwoo had occasionally entertained the idea of a relationship in passing in the beginning years, mostly as a joke to one another, not that neither of you had feelings for each other.

Because, in the feelings department, the both of you were raging.

His smile was much more attractive, his laugh made your skin crawl in the best way; his eyes held the galaxies, and his touch—oh, his touch lit you up like nothing else. It always had, since you first met, but now it was magnified, tenfold, and goodness were you weak for a man in a bullet-proof vest. A weird thing to be wired about, especially in your line of business, they were a dime a dozen.

You remember the first time you saw him in his tactical uniform, though he was a little more of a show off about it than most of the others. He was a sniper, so he didn’t need as much mobility from the bagginess of the uniforms. Often, when you caught him after a call, he looked so incredibly dashing in a tight black turtleneck, his cargo pants belted to his hips securely, a bullet-proof vest peeking out of the cover he was supposed to be wearing.

As the old saying went, you loved a man in uniform. It just was odd, coming from someone who shared a similar uniform from time to time, when you weren’t prim and proper in a skirt-suit or something similar working actual files for the cases at the confines of your desk—the desk Wonwoo often invited you away from. He insisted on buying your coffee every single time as repayment for taking you away from that work. Sometimes, when he couldn’t take you away from it, he brought the coffee to you and closed the door to your office silently behind him.

Everyone knew something was up between the two of you, everyone at NIS and NPA. Most of them just assumed you were dating already; it wasn’t as if their assumptions weren’t in the right direction. Others knew the details of your struggles with one another—it was hard to commit to someone in your field, knowing the risks that came through every single day while on that job. Still, Wonwoo persisted.

Often, he invited you out for dinner, just the two of you. Most times, you rejected with a soft blush and the shake of your head, even as he reached for your hand, trying to convince you to go out with him. But sometimes, you agreed. He always took you somewhere really nice, the both of you getting dressed up to go out since it was few and far between. Those were the nights the two of you most adamantly considered a relationship, when he dropped you off on your doorstep to share a kiss, or two, or three, or more when you grabbed his sport coat to pull him through the front door of your home.

You never wanted to admit it to yourself, but you were fully committed to Wonwoo, even if your title didn’t say so. The fact that he stayed with you through the night when they became a little more passionate than the others, or that he was always checking up on you and bringing you coffee, or that he texted you every time he got back from an intervention to let you know he was safe was slowly shattering your non-title. He started staying over at your place more and more, some nights passionate, some nights sweet, either way, when he stayed over, he stayed in your bed.

One thing you may have loved more than seeing him in uniform, was seeing him bare. The warmth of his chest when you slept against him was surreal, despite its frequency. When you’d wake in the morning and peer at his bare back, you couldn’t help but fawn over him, innocently, more often than not. You adored the rasp in his voice, laced with sleep, when he finally would wake and hull you up against him, requesting five more minutes and melted at the sound of your chuckle as you combed through his hair, deeply inhaling your scent masked by his own as you usually dawned his shirts. Half the time he was at your place, half the time he was at his own, despite still paying rent to his roommate.

Today, he was off, which meant he was actually on call, but didn’t have to actively be in the office. He brought a large cup of coffee to your office, strolling through NIS as if he worked there, but he had the clearance, both from NPA and from you. He knocked on your door, listening to your sweet voice invite him in.

“Good afternoon, beautiful,” he uttered to you, lightly kicking the door closed behind him as he set your coffee in front of you.

“Good afternoon, handsome,” you replied, a soft smile on your face to match his as you gathered the coffee in your hands, thanking him with a chaste kiss as he planted his hand on your desk, on top of your case file, to lean over to you lips. It wasn’t enough for him, though; he rounded your desk to step between it and your chair and leaned back, resting on your open file to garner a look.

“How are your cases going?” he asked you, fully aware of exactly what he was doing, exacerbating the situation as he plopped his rear on top of said file.

“Well, I was reviewing them to see if I could find any leads…” you trailed off as he lifted one of his legs to fully rest on your desk, hulling it just a little higher than his other hip to open his legs to you. He often did this, attempted to distract you from what you were saying—when you forgot, he won, and would lean down to collect a kiss.

“Jeon Wonwoo!” you protested, but that didn’t stop his kisses from trailing away from your lips and down your neck to what he could reach from the ruffled collar of your blouse.

“Yes, honey?”

“Get your cute butt off my files,” you warned him, turning your head to nip at his ear. He pulled back, giving you a dazzling grin, innocently peering at you but you weren’t having any of it as you took his chin, cupping it with your index finger under his jaw, your thumb pinching it. “Don’t flash that dazzling grin at me, boy,” you continued, shaking his head involuntarily, softly from side to side, “even if you melt my insides when you call me that.”

“You just melt my insides in general,” he replied, causing you to push him away with a firm hand on his chest as he giggled, teasing you.

You rolled your eyes as he stood from your desk, doing as you asked to pull up a chair next to yours. He watched you cup your coffee, gingerly sipping from it now and again as he settled into his seat until he was gnawing at his lip, looking at you, getting a little shy which was unusual for him. Your brows rose in question, coaxing it out of him and he cleared his throat.

“Can I pamper my baby for a minute?” he asked you, watching you melt at the pet-name. It got you every single time, no matter which one it was, when he called you something cute like that. When you didn’t object, he reached down, palm skyward to motion with his fingers. Your tight clad feet pulled out of your heels, lifting from the ground for him to tug your legs across his lap. His wide palm smoothed over your shins, cupping your calf as he rubbed your legs down.

“I know you’re on your feet a lot, standing in front of that profiling board,” he whispered to you, setting his coffee down on your desk to caress both of your legs down to your feet, digging his thumbs in the arch of both of them. He watched your lips part, a relieved sigh falling from them as he released the tension in your feet, both from being on them and from being contorted in your heels. Your coffee was almost shaky in your hands as your eyes fluttered closed, his thumbs working into the bottoms of your feet and back up your legs.

“You spoil me,” you told him, mostly a whisper as you took another sip of your coffee, your eyes opening again to peer at him from under your lashes.

He winked at you, “Maybe I do, but only just a little bit.”

“Are you coming over tonight?” you asked him, watching his eyes lift to yours after drifting back to your legs. His hands rubbed you down as he thought about his response, taking a deep breath.

“Do you want me to?” he replied, slipping your legs off his lap before tugging your rolling swivel chair in his direction, leaning far over to kiss your lips once, twice, thrice—gentle closed-mouth pecks that had your heart fluttering for him, especially when his fingers touched your jaw, tilting your head up for him.

You nodded, eyes fluttering back open as he pulled away.

“I was thinking we could have dinner and a nice quiet night in.”

“Mm, how about after dinner we have a candle-lit bubble bath and a fine bottle of prosecco,” he suggested, a purr in your ear as he charmed your coffee out of your hands, a more desperate kiss he placed against your lips.

“You really do spoil me, Wonwoo,” you purred back against his lips. His soft chuckle was a symphony in your ears, his soft hands tugging at your waist, desperately wanting to drag you into his lap. Just as he was about to, your boss knocked and opened your door. Wonwoo wasn’t unfamiliar to him, as your boss gave him a salute before turning his attention back to you, mentioning something about the profiling of one of the cases that had been cold on your desk for a while. You turned in your chair to search for it, picking through file after file before handing it to him so he could review your work—something for a press conference.

Once the door closed, Wonwoo looked over at you with a grin, his fingers back to tug at your suit jacket.

“You’re my queen, I’m supposed to spoil you,” he finally replied, giving you a half-lidded look as his tongue teased the side of his lips.

“That’s code for I want to drag you into my lap,” you responded, rolling your eyes even as he continued to tug at your jacket, trying to do just that, coax you right into his lap. He chuckled, dropping his head to break the gaze with you.

“It’s not code for anything!” he added, his hands finally finding the attempt at your waist futile as they dropped from your coat. Despite that, you stood, surprising him a little bit. It would have been hard to drag you into his lap the way he wanted, considering your pencil skirt, but you gave him a little bit of what he wanted as you leaned over and placed both of your hands on his strong thighs, leaning over him to garner his gaze again.

His brows were raised in surprise as he looked at you, but soon relaxed when his eyes fell closed, one of his hands placed on the back of one of yours, the other cupping your jaw the instant your soft, supple lips met his in a kiss that had his heart pumping hard. His deep inhale through his nose had your heart pumping just the same. Seldom did you kiss him like this when it wasn’t at your house, but something in you told you that you should.

The hand of yours he wasn’t pinning against his leg rose for a moment to stroke your fingers against his jaw before trailing down his neck, over his shirt and against his chest where you lay your palm flat over his heart and before long, the hand that was pinning your hand to his leg was then pinning your hand against his chest, clutching it against his body.

His warm tongue touched against your closed lips, begging for a little more, just a little, and your lips parted for a moment to gingerly graze his tongue with yours before shyly breaking the kiss.

“What’s gotten into you? You never kiss me like this at work,” he breathed against your lips, and you were kissing him again, removing your hand from his leg to thread through his hair and tilt his head for you as you nipped at his bottom lip. Something desperate was screaming at you, but you couldn’t place it.

Wonwoo’s brow drew together—not that he wasn’t enjoying it, but something wasn’t right. He tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the way your tongue touched tentatively against his, when you were usually so fervent about him. Maybe it was the fact that you were at work, typically not too keen about being this unprofessional, even in the privacy of your office.

But that didn’t seem like it, either. He was becoming an anxious mess, mirroring your anxiety. He tried to break the kiss to ask you, muffling a quiet ‘baby’ against your lips, but you kissed it away, silencing him. Your right hand was furled in the front of his shirt, a sure-sign that something wasn’t sitting right with you, only confirmed when he pulled away—

“Sweetheart,” he begged, cupping your chin to keep you a short distance away, but still at his will, “stop.” His eyes looked into yours, looked between them as he tried to read your face, your breath was nervous, but he didn’t give you enough time to say anything as he turned you, plopping you askew in his lap and wrapped his arms around you to cuddle you close to him.

“Something’s wrong. You’re never like this; talk to me, what are you feeling?”

His chin resting on your shoulder was a sliver of solace, his arms tightly around you to drag you into his warm chest. You were askew enough that he could peek up at your face, on the edge of your shoulder, begging for your attention. Unable to come up with a good answer, you shook your head, fingers soft on his arms wrapped around you.

“I—I don’t know, Wonwoo; I’m nervous,” you finally replied.

“Talk to me, baby,” he pleaded. “What are you nervous about? Is it about me?”

All you could do was nod, slowly at first but more vigorously the more you thought about it.

“I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, all of the sudden. Instincts… took over and—”

Wonwoo’s phone started ringing, and you knew that ringtone like your death knell. He looked at you, wanting to ignore it to make sure you were okay, but it was duty calling and he had to answer it. You nodded for him to take it and, with you on his lap, shifted to dig his phone from his pocket and put it to his ear as his eyes met yours again. It was what sounded like his commanding officer giving him the details of a high profile situation which sounded vaguely familiar like the open case file that was on your desk.

Wonwoo swallowed hard as he finally looked back at you. “I’ll be stationed ASAP,” he spoke into the phone before hanging up. He could see the nervousness on your face; he almost never got called in, especially like this. You could feel your blood pumping through your veins, but for a different reason. His commanding officer already had a three cop body count and when he gave the news to Wonwoo, he cursed under his breath, his face showing the disappointment with the situation.

“It’s going to be okay,” he tried to soothe you, bringing your hand to his lips to kiss the back of it. “It’s going to be fine.”

“It’s the case, Wonwoo,” you told him, wanting to direct your attention to the open file on your desk, but he knew what it was, and he wasn’t going to let you look. He wanted your sweet eyes on him as he reassured you he’d return to you. He cupped your chin, making you look at him and only him as he stroked your fly-aways back with the fingers of his free hand.

“My stuff is in the car—”

“I’m going with you,” you interrupted, standing from his lap to slide your drawer open, grabbing the Glock in it before his hands covered yours, and wheedling it back out of your hand.

“You’re not,” he whispered from behind you. “You’re going to stay here, or you’re going to go home. It’s dangerous out there and I don’t want you needlessly tangled up in it. I’m the best shot they have, and someone unaccounted for. It’s going to be fine, I’m going to come home to you and we’re going to have a nice dinner and forget all about it.”

“Be on the radio with me,” you replied firmly.

His arms tightened around your waist after sliding your drawer closed, clicking the lock on it, as he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

“I’ll be listening.”

He could feel your heart pounding in your chest, feel your uneven breathing against his body, and feel the tremble in your bones.

“I have to go, baby,” he whispered in your ear.

“Please, be safe.”

Without another word, just a chaste kiss against your cheek, he disappeared with the promise he’d come back to you. He hadn’t even bothered close the door behind him, his coffee next to yours on your desk, the messy files of the case open and splayed across it. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves—he was NPA’s best shot, and if he posted up properly like you knew he would, there would be no problems.

Still, you turned in your swivel chair to flip the small TV in your office on, turning to the live action news of the SWAT situation currently taking place down town, the situation Wonwoo was on his way to. Helicopters circled a building you were familiar with and you glanced at your drawer. You didn’t want to, but you heeded Wonwoo’s words. He would be back for you, he promised, but that didn’t settle the unnerving pit in your stomach.

Your boss pushed through your door, startling you, but he didn’t bother apologize before continuing with what he was going to say.

“There’s a SWAT situation—”

“I know,” you interrupted him. He looked around the office, noting Wonwoo’s absence and he looked at you, looked at the distress on your face. “He left about five minutes ago.”

“Go home,” he said, surprising you for a moment. “You’re just going to torture yourself sitting around here, helplessly, with all of the resources to go help him. But it needs to be just him, there’s nothing you can do. I can see the distress on your face—go home.”

It would have been what Wonwoo wanted. You grabbed your things, flipped the TV off, stowed all the files in the lock box which you shoved into your filing closet and headed out your office door, locking it behind you. You headed home without another word, trying to keep your mind off whatever could be going on and keep it on the reassurance he’d be okay.

You felt like you were going to throw up, trying to occupy yourself with what you were going to cook the both of you for dinner before realizing there probably wasn’t much at home. The grocery store was your first stop—an attempt to just continue the day as normal, as if you weren’t falling apart on the inside as you mindlessly perused the shelves for something to make.

An eternity you felt you spent in the store, only a thirteen item total in your cart. Your mind kept going to the radio; you begged to ask him how he was doing, what was going on, knowing he wouldn’t reply. That, and you didn’t want to distract him. You ignored it, putting your groceries in your car and headed home. An hour had ticked by since he left your office, and you wouldn’t dare turn on the TV. He would let you know when he was okay—and he would be okay. You sat on your couch after changing out of your work clothes, waiting impatiently, keeping the TV off. A little hard, you tugged at your hair, pulling it away from your face, trying to keep from going insane, trying to keep yourself grounded, trying to keep the pit in your stomach contained and keep the contents of it where they belonged.

You had prepared dinner for the most part, placing the proper ingredients in the crock pot. It was four forty-seven in the afternoon, and it would easily be ready by seven if he was back and ready to eat by then. You hoped, prayed even, that it wouldn’t be that long, that he would be back to you long before that. But the sun was quickly going down; visibility would no doubt get worse if there weren’t flood lights prepared for a stand-off.

Agony. Agony was all you felt as you fumbled with your phone in your hands for another thirty to forty minutes, considering giving him a call the more the time ticked by. You had dialed his number into the keypad, thumb hovering over the call button before you could hear the lock on your front door tumble from the turn of a key.

Relief washed over you as you tossed your phone onto the couch, leaping from it to get to the front door. Wonwoo hardly had enough time to drop his duffle bag in the entrance before your arms were tight around his neck, throwing your body into his to stagger him a bit off balance. It was a bit difficult for him to move as he wrapped his arms around your waist, sinking his face into your neck, his vest and cover restraining him a little bit. You could feel the firmness of his bullet-proof vest against your front, but that was much less of a concern than the warm liquid that smeared against your neck.

You were so concerned about him being home that you had transitorily forgotten to process the cut across Wonwoo’s cheek, hardly trickling blood, but enough to smear into your skin.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, probably talking about the blood as he held you close, feeling the entirety of your body against his, despite desperately wanting to tug you closer. “I told you I would come back to you.”

“What happened to you?” you whispered, trying to draw back to look at his face, but he wasn’t having it. He stayed nestled into the crook of your neck, holding you tightly.

“Nothing… nothing,” he whispered back.

“You’re smearing blood all over my neck, it’s not nothing,” you replied and he finally let you draw away. He reached into his back pocket for a handkerchief to clean the blood off your neck, ignoring your stare at his cheek, sliced from what looked like a tactical knife. When he seemed to be done, you snatched the handkerchief from his hand to clean his face a bit.

“I’m a little rattled… I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Your stomach about fell out of your rear—even though he was right in front of you, in the flesh, his words indicated there was a high possibility that he wasn’t going to return to you. You pulled entirely away from him, clenching his handkerchief in your hand as he unzipped his cover, revealing his vest that held two bullet casings centered on his torso, easily kill-shots.

The churning in your stomach came back as you brought your hand up to cover your mouth; the tears stung your eyes, but you pushed them away. He was there with you just like he promised and the casings stuck in the weave of his vest wasn’t going to change that. The grief on your face had Wonwoo’s insides tangling up.

“I—baby, I’m—”

“I’m just glad you’re safe. I wouldn’t know what to do if I lost you.”

He hurried to tug his cover off, his vest with it and dropped them both on top of the duffle bag, desperately wanting to feel you against him, to feel your warmth mingle with his own. Quickly and firmly, he tugged you in, pulling your whole front against him once again, but this time, it soothed the both of you to just revel in the warmth of one another. One of your arms wrapped around his neck, draping over his shoulders, while the other completely disheveled his hair, clutching him close as if he would disappear if you let go.

Wonwoo was counting his breathing, trying to calm the adrenaline still pumping through his veins. Clutching at the back of your shirt, his hands desperately tried to reel you tighter, letting your fingers carding through his hair calm him a little more as he began to walk to the both of you out of the entry way.

“I realized my mortality, today,” he said, more for himself than for you. You were always concerned about that, and you often expressed it. He tried to reassure you as if he was invincible, but you never fell for it. You knew of his mortality the same as his own—nobody was immune to a bullet. Despite that, you just nodded, understanding that he needed to get some things out but keep some other things in.

“It’s okay, you’re safe now,” you whispered back to him. He nuzzled deeper into your neck, no intention of letting you go any time soon. “It’s okay, Wonwoo,” you soothed, stroking down the back of his head and over his neck, hooking on his broad shoulder as you attempted to reel back from him again. You’d be having a word with NPA, with no real reason Wonwoo took fire as an add-on when they should have only called him with the necessary information for him to take the shot and be done with it.

In his eyes, you could see the cesspool of emotions. The fear, the relief, the contentment with finally being home; his arms were still tightly around your waist, but he’d let you lean back far enough to take both of his cheeks in your soft hands. Your thumb brushed just under his cut, which had stopped bleeding—barely a nick, though a long one.

“I had the intent of being the big spoon—”

Your thumb tugged at his bottom lip, silencing him almost instantly as you cupped his strong, sharp jaw.

“You don’t have to ask me for comfort; I will always take care of my man,” you finally replied, peering up into his eyes when his grasp around you finally allowed your feet back flat on the floor. His brow drew together, humming at your words—he loved when you called him your man. “Go run the bath, I’ll make sure the food stays warm,” you told him, dismissing him with a sweet kiss against his pleading and almost quivering lips.

You fiddled with the crock pot for only a moment; the food wasn’t quite done yet, but you had it programmed to low warm for when it went off. Faintly, you could hear the bathwater running in your master bathroom. He knew where everything he needed was at—the matches, the candles, the bubbles, the rose oil; he knew the temperature at which you liked the water and he laid out towels for the both of you. By the time you entered the bathroom, Wonwoo was already chest deep in the bathtub, clothes scattered across the floor as he eyed you.

In your hands were the missing pieces—two slender flutes and the bottle of prosecco he promised you, knowing that it was sitting in your fridge for a special occasion. This was special enough. He waded in the water a bit, finding the edge of the tile-encased bathtub to take the bottle from your hands as well as a cloth, also taking your lips with his in a sweet kiss. Quiet violin was playing in the background and the lights were dimmed. It was exactly as you had imagined when he offered you this earlier in the afternoon.

The bottle popped and he took both of the flutes, distracted with that while your clothes fluttered to the floor and you climbed the steps to settle into the hot water with him. Behind him was where you settled, as per his request, settling down with the water just under your clavicle.

“I changed my mind,” he uttered, crossing the tub to settle his back against the warmed porcelain wall and motioned for you with the finger still holding your flute. “I want to see the galaxies in your eyes,” he muttered to you, handing over your flute so he could help you settle over his lap. The scent of rosewater wafted through the air of the bathroom, mixing with the candles.

With your free hand you pushed his hair away from his forehead, brushing it out of his eyes before tracing his square jaw. His eyes never departed from yours, looking right into the deepest parts of your soul while his free hand entertained the small of your back, adjusting you on his lap so that everyone’s legs were comfortable. He delicately sipped his prosecco as your hand fell into the water, touching against his chest, against the love-bites littering his collarbones. He licked his lips, watching your eyes look them over, knowing you were the cause of all of those marks.

But those marks didn’t rile you or him, those marks reminded you of the blood under that skin, the blood that kept that flesh warm, the blood that kept your favorite human being alive and well in your arms right where he belonged. You couldn’t help but lean over and press a soft kiss against the cut on his cheek, and then his forehead, and then the tip of his nose before he was getting antsy, his fingers furling on your back as his lips tried to chase yours.

Your eyes fluttered closed with the anticipation of his lips, the sparks flew through your body when they finally met and your hand slid up to cup the back of his neck to tilt his head up just a little bit for you. His hand on your back tugged you into him, the skin on skin contact bringing a sigh out of his throat and against your mouth. He broke the kiss first, but rested his forehead against yours.

“Talk to me,” he pleaded, feeling the tension in your body he begged not to be there.

“I was scared,” you whispered to him, “I was right about my feelings. I felt like I was never going to get to kiss you again, back in my office. I—”

“I’m here,” he reminded you, taking your hand to put it over his beating heart. It was calm for you, the heart that belonged to you under your soft touch, his flesh warm and inviting—it was enough. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m going to have a word with NPA, there’s no reason—”

“Baby girl?” he asked, interrupting you, not wanting to hear any more about it. You looked from the wall that had caught your gaze in your frustration, his voice uttering that name melting you back into him as your gaze turned to him. He clutched your hand against his chest, pressing it firmer, making sure you could feel the way his heart beat for you. He shook his head, “Be mad tomorrow. Right now, I just want to be with you.”

You softened, relaxing into his lap. He was right; there was no reason to be upset about it now and taking your frustration out on him. He was there, as he promised, and would go to bed with you and wake up with you. He kissed your jaw as you thought, trying to calm yourself down as you took the first sip from your flute. Despite wanting you to face him, he helped you turn, knowing you’d calm down cradled into his body. He settled you between his legs, letting your back rest against his chest as his lips lingered next to your ear, your head resting on his shoulder.

Wonwoo reached forward to touch your knee which just barely peeked out of the surface of the water; his soft fingers against your skin pulled the goosebumps out, even in the hot water.

“Did you know?” he asked quietly in your ear.

“Did I know what?” you asked, pinning his left leg between your hip and your elbow as you stroked the backside of his knee, listening to him purr into your ear.

“That I love you?”

You shifted against his chest, squirming against him with the sweetest smile tugging at your lips, your eyes fluttering closed as you pushed back against his shoulder.

“Did you know that I love you more?”

“Ah, I don’t think that’s possible. I love you the most,” he teased back playfully, kissing against your neck under your ear that had your head tilting away from him.

“I can’t wait until your lease is up and you move in with me,” you told him.

It was his turn to wiggle against you, creating small waves in the water as he wiggled you with him.

“I can’t wait to wake up to you every single day, not having to worry about what’s going on at home and splitting myself between two houses. I can’t wait to come home to you every single night and just crawl into bed with you whenever I feel like it, knowing my time is unlimited. I can’t wait until I can ask you what you want for dinner instead of you asking me if I’m going to come over.”

“Wonwoo,” you hummed through a soft chuckle.

“Yes, my lady?”

“Cheers to that, babe,” you said, holding your flute just high enough to clink with his.

“Cheers to you, darling.

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kyunsies · 3 years

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Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!!

#asks #💥 anon #my dorm is the oldest one on campus so :’) it looks a little ugly but I try my best MXJDJD #ignore the popcorn bag on the side :)#also peep the jo malone perfume LOL

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