#idk like i kinda get why you could argue that their marriage is more important culturally speaking

[terrorbirb]

:( our bosses decided to send a card AND a gift to our coworkers who's daughter is getting married but I didn't get anything when I got married :( apparently the decision to add a gift was the idea of the two principles who HATE me so while I don't think it was targeted I do think they don't really consider my marriage important (my marriage was gay).

[mercurytrinemoon]

On houses, house rulerships & how ya'll should stop associating them with signs + a rant on the meaning of the 8th house

This is one of those moments where I'm going to say (read: rant, so heads up, I may sound pretentious) that modern times keep distorting astrology. I’m talking about associating houses with signs/planets (aka the “12 letter alphabet”, briefly mentioned by William Lilly in the 17th century but ultimately it became a product of modern astrologers: first attempted by Alan Leo and decades later popularized and named by Zip Dobyns). Can we just... use a neuralyzer and make people forget that method? It's ingrained in people's minds because, seemingly, it's easier to learn that way - search astro basics in google and you'll see things like "9th house=Sagittarius=Jupiter". This compressed version of astrology seems more accessible and easily digestible for a casual reader and not many newbies try to even question that approach. But there's a reason reputable astrologers these days are trying to erase it from everyone's minds. Signs are traits, planets are vessels, houses are areas of life. Houses are a completely different thing + every person has their own chart with their own house rulers. You can't say Mars is the “natural” ruler of the 1st... well unless, of course, you're an Aries rising, then yeah, your 1st is ruled by Mars, 2nd by Venus and so on.

Sure, some houses share accidental similarities with planets that have been assigned to them by modern *cough*lazy*cought* approach. Example, the 3rd rules communication... oh and so does Mercury. But then again, Mercury has nothing to do with health, injuries, work - all things 6th house. 7th is relationships and 2nd is money & values... and it so happens that Venus shows our attitude towards these things. I would sometimes find myself loosely refer houses to planets, like “oh the 3rd mercurial house” just because SOME of them do fit with the characteristics... and because it's a language that is well-understood (I won't do that anymore). BUT even when I started learning astrology, I had a red light go on in my head when people would straight up go "Moon in Virgo or Moon in the 6th". It never made sense to me. These are completely different things. And I've seen some awesome astrologers who would state things like "oh Aquarius Sun is basically the same as Sun in the 11th", like nah, dude. Because why? Aquarius is the friendly type and the 11th rules friends? Because Aquarius is the big innovator and 11th stands for hopes and dreams? But Aquarius is also a rebel who's stiff in their beliefs. Aquarius is a weirdo, is the 11th house the house of weirdos? No. Aquarius likes to be independent and usually has issues with feeling of not belonging anywhere, while 11th rules communities. THAT'S CONTRADICTORY. Because they're not the same.

Want more examples? Having Venus in Aries is completely different than Venus in the 1st. What do people usually say about Venus in the 1st? That it makes the native charming, lovely, well-put together, with great manners, maybe beautiful, graceful, maybe a bit shallow. When in Aries? None of these characteristics fit, on top of that, it's in its detriment. Our poor gal Venus is uncomfortable and confused in Aries. She's like, "conquer? Swords? Selfishness? Obnoxiousness? Sparring? You're telling me to fight people? What am I doing here???" 

I think it most shows in the 8th house, which... *deep breath* has gone through so much (ironically since it rules transformation), like, there's a lot to unpack here. "tHe sCorPioNic HoUse": tell me in what way does Scorpio have to do with inheritance, death, taxes, other people's stuff? These are the og topics associated with the 8th house. And by the way, it doesn't have to be a material inheritance, because I saw people being confused by that. You can have your 10th house ruler in the 8th so maybe you'll inherit that job as a chairman in your father's corporation, along with its renowned name. Or your 6th house ruler is in the 8th so you'll inherit a genetic health condition from your parent. 

Now, modern astrology, as per usual, tried to turn it into something positive (and psychological because apparently according to modern notion, astrology can’t predict anything so it’s only psychological *eye roll*) and put its rose-colored glasses on it so they'll say things like: transformation or taboo topics - like okay, makes sense, it's an intense house after all. Like a near-death experience or a metaphorical death will be transformative and maybe hard to talk about. And Scorpios do have the tendency to go through drastic situations in their lives and to dig deep & not being afraid to uncover secrets and all that's unknown and scary for others. There you have it, some convergence. But still, Scorpio and the 8th house are two different things.

Then there's the topic of the 8th house and sex. Actually, side note, a quick history bit, the 2nd century astrologer, Vettius Valens saw sex in the 7th house - because that was the thing that happened after marriage - it represented two people coming together. In medieval times it then moved to 5th house of kids - because children-making requires intercourse, duh. Listen, I get that the 8th, as the follow-up to the 7th, is seen as joined resources; and joined everything, including bodies... or bodily fluids... (tmi?) after you get married or whatever. I don't think that makes sense in the modern times. I mean, go ahead if you want to associate the 8th with sex but after some time of studying astrology, I see it almost exclusively in the 5th as it's the house of pleasures. Simply. Besides, technically you can get yourself off and don’t need anyone else to assist you. My issue, again, comes from the root of the association with the 8th. Modern astrologers started linking 8th with Pluto and Scorpio in medical astrology rules reproductive system and so Scorpio is seen as the fReAky sEx dEMon blAh blaH (honestly, try asking Scorpios about their intimate life and they'll run for the hills abashed). So it turned out that 8th house is the "plutonian one" (I had a moment today wondering if it's plutonian or plutonic and idk anymore) so therefore it must rule sex. Well that logic doesn't make sense because everyone knows that the first and most important planet in the matters of sex is Mars but none of ya'll go and say "1st house is the house of sex because it's ruled by Aries". So no, houses are not the same as signs/planets.

12th house has a similar issue. This one has literally nothing to do with Pisces. Like, I feel bad for Pisces honestly, you guys don’t deserve being dumped into the 12th. It's a rather gloomy house and the most positive thing you could come up with it is being the house of imagination and intuition - because it rules the subconscious and partially your mind. And Pisces is usually characterized by those two. Or you could say that they're both kinda foggy in nature - 12th is the unattainable. But that is literally the closest you can get with them correlating. Other than that, 12th is hidden enemies, succlusion, illness (but mental or chronic, it's a bit different than 6th). There's nothing piscean about it really.

But I get it, open most of the astrology books and you'll see chapters called that way. Why? Because it's easier to publish something that's shorter aka simpler for the reader (actually that was one of Dobyns' reasoning behind spreading that approach). That’s why I said it’s lazy. And someone would argue that it’s easier to learn this way - because the information is compressed into 12 sections (signs) instead of 24 (signs+houses) or even more if you include delineations of every house ruled by each sign. Like, “well if I memorize the meaning of Cancer and Moon then automatically I’ll also memorize the 4th house”. But in fact, it’s so limiting in the long run and then forces you to unlearn what you have learnt, which is actually harder than taking the time and grasping the proper meaning right away. And again, with time it warps the meaning of everything.

Saying house=sign completely discredits the purpose of even having houses. And then on top of that it leads to people not understanding their own charts because they don't know the core meanings of the houses and instead look at them through the lens of signs. "I have planets in Gemini but I'm not that talkative and extroverted". Well okay, where are those planets? Are they in the 7th? Then maybe they're not talking about you but about people you come in contact with? Are they in the 4th? Well maybe it's your fam that has those qualities? The 11th? Are your friends like that? Houses are areas of your life, you can't say "Moon in the 3rd or Moon in Gemini" - Moon is "how", house is "where" - these are not the same things, even if they have a few traits in common. 

Ok, rant over, bye.

[rahleeyah]

sometimes i wish EO wasn't endgame, and honestly i love them but continue to be so on the fence about it all

the funny part is, i have no long-term resentful bone in my body, i can be mean and vicious and a bit vengefull but i could never be done with the love of my life, even after some of the shit we've gone through, some of the things i have felt and been made to feel, some of the things i have heard, some that hurt so badly but that i needed to hear

so i should understand olivia, i should understand how it is to feel unable to give up, to let go, to be done with someone, i should know that one look or move would be all it takes for my anger to subside, i also know that my rage burns bright and short and that i immediatly feel bad about it after because i don't want that to define me, to be how people and the person i love most remembers and knows me

but i feel vengeful for olivia, i feel like i need to protect her at all costs, and sometimes i am unwilling to believe that the one who hurt her the most is also the one who can make her the happiest, for some reasons that thought makes my heart ache, it makes me not believe in justice and i wish that elliot would just understand what it is she has been feeling her whole life, about people leaving, about her feeling she's not enough or, actually, too much

i can relate to olivia, i know how she feels because i feel it too, being too much and not enough at the same time is a burden to live with and i think, somehow, elliot tries to understand but he doesn't know and he will never know and sometimes, sometimes i just wish he could actually get into her head and her heart to finally, finally understand completely what is feels like

but the worse part is, the ones who actually don't understand are the ones the best equiped to heal you, because they try so much to get it that they do the work, they listen, they try and i know elliot can be that person, the one who completes her, who gets her in another beautiful way, who sees who she is, the real her, olivia

but sometimes i also want her to not be olivia all the time and to be selfish and to just say to hell with it and just take what she wants instead and not give it, give it, give it

so yeah, i wish they would end up together, but i also wish they wouldn't, i guess i will be happy and frustrated either way

Something I think is important to remember, when we talk about how Elliot leaving hurt Olivia, is that Elliot is also a person and Olivia knows this.

I don't think I agree with your thesis; is Elliot's departure the thing that hurt her most? No, I think Lewis did the most damage, emotionally as well as physically, bc he took away her control and her understanding of herself. Elliot's departure hurt but she wasn't in therapy over it. Sheila's betrayal hurt worse, I would argue. Bc Olivia didn't trust her but she wanted a family so goddamn bad she let her in anyway, and very nearly lost her son in the process, and blamed herself for it.

The thing is. What Elliot did, leaving, wasn't about hurting Olivia, and she knows this. He wasn't being cruel to her. He made a decision and one of the consequences of that decision is that she was hurt, but there are also positive outcomes with that decision. His family - the family both he and Liv have always put first - will be taken care of. He won't lose his pension, his reputation. He leaves his job on his own terms. Liv won't be dragged thru the mud alongside him.

Also!!! Remember!!! The part where he killed a teenager!!!! He is grappling with an actual serious trauma. And Liv knows this. Liv knows he wasn't trying to hurt her. He wasn't even being particularly selfish, imo; it's not like he wanted to go. Oh he could have answered the phone; ok well Liv knows where he lives and she's turned up uninvited to talk sense into him before. Why didn't she?

A) bc they're not real but b) I think she understands, on some level, why he had to go, and that she has to let him.

His marriage is not just an inconvenience to him. As far as he is concerned it is never going away; he loves his wife, he loves his kids, he believes in his god and the vows he has made, and he wants to be the man who stays. With that in mind it is kinder of him to leave Olivia than to continue to keep her in his orbit, bound to him and yet not ever his. He can't have her, and letting her go hurts her but it gives her the chance to maybe find happiness elsewhere.

You've pointed out that he does understand, better than pretty much anyone, exactly how Olivia feels, exactly how much she needed him, how she struggles with abandonment and feeling like no one wants her, bc she has told him more about herself, given more of herself to him than she has to anyone else and also he walked beside her for so long. They know each other. She knows his secrets and he knows her. So what makes him a threat? That he is the one who loves her most, and therefore is the one who can hurt her most?

The people we love most by default have the ability to hurt us more than anyone else, not because they choose to (yes, they know which buttons to press and which words cut the deepest but willfully inflicting pain for the sake of it is not love) but because they are so bound up in us. Their choices affect us more deeply than the choices of people we care less about. When you build a life with someone, every move they make has the ability to shake you bc you have the same foundation. It doesn't make them cruel. We have to learn to bend together.

The only way to protect Olivia from this pain is for her to never share her life with anyone else. If she doesn't depend on anyone she won't be hurt. If there's anyone who matters, tho, there is a risk of pain. That's life.

I hear you wanting to protect her and I fully get that but I don't see Elliot as a threat. Yes, his leaving hurt her. Yes, he could hurt her again. Anyone could. Anyone she loved, no matter who he was, could hurt her, bc she loves him and he could leave.

Their journey isn't over yet, either. We don't know how their coming together is gonna look. We don't know what kinda work they're gonna put in, what kinda conversations they're gonna have. So we don't know what this looks like.

And also. Fiction gives us a safe place to explore dynamics we maybe wouldn't want in real life and that's ok. Wanting them to be together in fiction doesn't erase your moral judgment, or your knowledge that you'd want better for yourself in a relationship.

So. Idk what to tell you, really. Your feelings are your own and you may just stay conflicted and that's ok!!! We all bring our own baggage to the table and sometimes we can't help but project our own feelings onto the characters, and sometimes that means we're gonna react differently to stuff than other people do. That's just human. I'm sorry if you feel you're struggling with this, but I hope that eventually you find some peace.

[millennial-ring]

Can we get more info on 5-7?

             5. Dear God

So this one is ANCIENT (2012!!!) and idk why it’s still in my WIPs folder because I do clean it out/reorganize it every few years or so (which is why that unfinished powershipping christmas fic wasn’t on the list, cause I moved it to a different folder). Sadly the title makes it seem more interesting than it actually is - it’s just a few paragraphs and nothing really happens at all. 

Russet eyes were glazed over as they watched the rain pelt the ground, each drop making tiny indents in the dirt, puffs of the still-dry earth floating up with each splash before settling down again, the process repeating over...and over... Rain drummed against the body of a beaten up jeep, the only prominent sound within miles, save to the sound of the rain falling in the grass, and the dirt, and the leather jacket Bakura wore. 

The man blinked as water ran down his face, following the curve of his brow and rolling over the crease of his eyelid, flowing into his eye. The water pooled between his lids, blurring his vision for a few moments until he blinked again, and the water was squeezed out to mingle with the rest on his face, like a single, solitary tear. He inhaled slowly, then let the breath out in a quick huff, turning away from the long stretch of dirt road in front of him. Behind him, another long chunk of drivable desert. He growled under his breath and began to pace, wet sand squishing under his boots, gravel shifting with each step. 

How could be trapped here, in the middle of fucking nowhere, with a flat fucking tire and no spare? 

It was inspired by this Avenged Sevenfold song and I vaguely remember that it was going to be thiefshipping, about the various trials Bakura goes through to get back to Malik after a fight or something but... 🤷

              6. Domestic Disturbance

This one is also super short, more fleshed out in my mind than on paper, and I started writing it after we had to call the cops on our neighbors because they were having a very loud and long argument (like, over an hour of yelling). Inspiration comes from the dumbest places with me, haha, but this is another one of those “why is this still in my wips” documents because I don’t have any intention of finishing it. After writing what I did I kinda had a “maybe these kinds of situations shouldn’t be your inspiration for fanfics, weirdo” moment and I scrapped it. But anyway! 

The story goes that Bakura was playing some Wii game, lost grip on the controller, and accidentally chucked it and broke a vase because he wasn’t wearing the wrist strap. Malik hears the crash and comes around the corner, lecturing him about “how many times have i told you i s2g bakura why are you like this” even as Bakura’s already beginning to clean up the mess. Bakura gruffly tells him to chill out because nothing important was broken anyway, just “that ugly ass vase” and he holds up a piece for Malik to see. The tension thickens immediately and Malik speaks with measured anger instead of the usual screaming, so Bakura knows He Fucked Up. “That was a gift from my sister.” Bakura panics a bit on the inside, but outside he scoffs and he’s all like “even better, tell her she has awful tastes” because ykno. He’s like that. Doesn’t wanna admit he fucked up, doesn’t wanna take responsibility or acknowledge he hurt Malik’s feelings. At this point I’d stopped writing it, but still have the basic outline. The regular bickering becomes a super intense all out screaming match about basically anything and everything, all the tiny little things they’d been burying for as long as they’d lived together finally coming out, start demanding why they ever thought this would work and they’re just about to get to that great crescendo where they're about to break up (”Well then maybe you shouldn’t have brought me back!” “At this point I’m inclined to agree!” Bakura’s shocked. “Well...then is this going where I think it’s going?” “I think it is.” “Then say it.” “...” “Say you want to break up!” “I...Bakura, I...” when someone knocks on the door. Heyo, it’s two cops, saying someone called in a domestic disturbance. Malik snaps that they’re fine, still pissed from the fight, but obviously like no Malik that’s not gonna help. So one officer brings Bakura out into the hall to question him and the other stays with Malik. Cop asks if they’re together, how long, what the fight was about, etc etc, and then if the fight had been physical at all. Bakura recoils in shock and practically screams “No!” “You never hit Malik?” “I would never!” “And Malik wouldn’t hit you?” There’s a few things there, bc I wasn’t sure how I wanted Bakura to respond; make an “only if he asked wink wonk” joke that the cop rolls his eyes at, or stammer that “i mean he’s smacked my head once or twice but it never hurt and i was being super annoying at the time and it was more like playful slapping” but either way the cop asks for a more direct answer or for Bakura to elaborate and Bakura gets pissed, says Malik would cut off his own hand before he hit Bakura because obviously. Cop seems taken aback but nods, and then lectures Bakura a bit about volume, tells him maybe one of them should pack a bag and stay with friends or family for a few days. Their partner comes out soon after and the two cops leave. Bakura goes back inside, where Malik is standing with his arms crossed, looking shaken with red rimmed eyes. They look at each other, feeling awkward, but then they make tea, sit down, and have a calmer “are we really like that?” conversation. they admit a lot of their fights are pointless and stupid and they’re just fighting to fight because it’s Their Thing and aha, aren’t we so cute and quirky, arguing is our foreplay - which it is, but they admit they’ve taken it too far, gotten too used to snapping at each other when something happens, and some of their issues (like Bakura disrespecting Malik’s siblings, and Malik’s control freak attitude) really need to be sat down and talked out, not screamed out. They apologize, foreheads pressed together, and Malik thumbs a tear from Bakura’s cheek. Bakura strokes his fingers through Malik’s hair. Malik makes a “well you know the best part about fighting, right?” and Bakura laughs, and then it ends.

               7. But he came back

So if y’all didn’t know I recently commissioned a(n amazing) fic from @/sitabethel (not properly tagging cause i don’t wanna bother them). In it, Bakura promises Malik he’ll come back after his final showdown with Atem, but ten years pass and Malik gets engaged to Seto. It’s corporate theifshipping and obviously I recommend reading it - but it’s based on an RP I did with a friend of mine years ago. In the RP, Bakura was pissed Malik hadn’t waited for him and does the whole “why did I even bother coming back I literally only came back to be with you?????” and Malik being like “Sorry? But you took a long fucking time and I had to do something to stop the loneliness.” We never finished it, but when we dropped it Bakura was starting to heal and move on and we had plans to end it powershipping and tendershipping - and Bakura catching the bouquet at the wedding and Ryou immediately being like >:) but anyway. The concept stuck with me and I really liked the idea of Bakura coming back to that situation and more so rolling with it - maybe a touch bitter at first, but hey, he’s nothing if not adaptable, and he absolutely invites himself into the relationship in the clunkiest way possible. 

“But he came back” was the start of my own attempt to write something with that kind of plot. When I write a fic, I start with a vague collection of ideas or scenes I want to write, and then when I have enough to work with, I begin organizing them into an outline. This doc is just a very small collection of ideas and dialogue, mixing some things taken from the RP and my own ideas. It’s mostly things like how Malik and Kaiba get to the marriage point, starting with an impromptu kinda tipsy make out session hidden away in the kitchen during a party Yugi’s throwing, and how they navigate each other’s trauma and fumble their way into a genuine romance despite everything. I’ve never managed to sit down and work it out into an outline of any kind, and the way I wanted to explore Malik and Bakura’s relationship before the show down, Malik and Kaiba’s relationship building afterwards, and then the relationship building with all three of them meant 30 chapters, at least (the original rp is over 2,500 pages and again, we had only just started with Bakura wanting to ask Ryou out and going to Malik for advice adjklj, when we dropped it) and well. yall know i’m bad at writing multi fic chapters 

[starchildrenofdustand-ashes]

My Six The Musical Review

Once again nobody cares— BUUUT I saw SixChicago yesterday with Adrianna Hicks as Aragon, Andrea Macasaet as Bolyen, Abby Mueller as Seymour, Brittney Mack as Cleves,  Anna Uzele as Parr. Here are somethings I noticed (essentially this is a rundown of everything you wouldn’t get just from listening to the album lol) ((Also im so tired and its 12.28 am and im sorry for any mistakes))

❤️💚💛💗🖤💙

👑 So before the show, they were playing a ton of pop music, but it was on an instrument that kinda sounded like a lute or harpsichord. 👑 When the Queens walked out from behind the curtain in a single file line to take their place on stage, the crowd went crazy. They all came out through a tiny crack in the curtain,, but when they belt “LIIIIVE” the curtain falls to the floor as is dragged off stage. 👑During the dance breaks in Ex-Wives, they go from dancing hip hop, to dancing with each other in a style they would’ve done back then to the beat. It was cute. 👑It was so weird hearing their accents! I’m always expecting “divooced” but it felt like they were almost emphasizing the r “ divoRRced” 👑Before Catherine of Aragon starts singing in Ex-Wives she says “Remember us from PBS??” 👑When Jane Seymour sings her bit in the song she moves Stage Left and when the Queens all say “Hey!” She looks surprised and shrugs, continuing to sing 👑Anna really played up the “JA’s” during her bit and IT WAS SO CUTE (you will find I am partial to clever, bc my gay ass is in love with her.) 👑There is so much dialogue!! After they say “Chicago!! How’re you doing tonight!!” They say we are “SIIIIX” in their harmonies and “Welcome to our divorced, beheaded, LIVE TOUR” 👑Aragon says “WE HAVE SO MUCH IN STORE FOR YOU TONIGHT— WE HAVE THE RIFFS TO RUFFLE YOUR RUFFS” before she does a really sick riff 👑A few of the other queens add on to that,, I forgot what they said but then  Howard says “AND A WHOLE LOT OF HISTORY” and Parr cuts her off and says “OR AS WE SAY A WHOLE LOT OF HERSTORY” 👑then they introduce their band (who are on the stage with then) as their ladies in waiting and I was soft 👑 So then they go on to explain the deal with the show; they are all competing against each other for the crown of the “ultimate” queen based on who had to put up with the most shit from Henry 👑 When they’re going down the line to explain why they say 💛Who lasted longest was the strongest 💚The biggest sinner is obvs the winner 🖤 I have no idea what Seymour said I don’t remember DX ❤️Who was most chased is first place 💗The most glorious will be victorious 💙The winning contestant was the most protestant (but she says it so it rhymes with contestant and then all the queens look at her like ??? And she sighs and says ‘protestant’ with its correct pronunciation 👑Aragon says “How in the purgatory are they gonna choose a leading lady??” 👑”The queen to take the crown will be the one who had the biggest, the firmest, the fullest…. LOAD OF BS TO DEAL WITH FROM THE MAN WHO PUT A RING ON IT 👑There is a reprise of Ex-wives but this time they change the lyrics to “welcome to the show to the coronation” 👑💛lol Aragon cut the reprise off and was like “It doesn’t matter, because I’m the winner” and then she asked the drummer for a beat 👑💛So with the beat, Aragon begins to tell her story, and the bass is strumming the baseline for no way ��💛”Okay, I’m thinking its… a bit weird they want me to marry my… dead husbands brother”… 👑💛So then she continues recounting the story and she says “I saw lipstick on his collar and I’m like… okAY… so now he wants to annul our marriage and moves this sidekick into mY palace and wants me in a CONVENT” and she’s on a RANT so she pauses and breathes really heavily before smiling really widely and sighing “Now… I don’t think I look that good in a wimple so I said. No. Way.”  And the song starts immediately after that 👑💛Idk what else to say except that Aragon was a total badass and Adrianna Hicks  was a fucking QUEEN 👑💛When she asks him to name when she’s ever caused him pain, she’s all the way upstage on the same platform/semi circle that the band is on, and she’s on her knees kinda begging kinda. She pauses for a LONG time and waits for an answer and her face is smug when she’s like “no?” 👑💛She said “I had the most to deal with AND I hit that high c so that crown is mine,” 👑The other Queens stop her and are like theres another really REALLY IMPORTANT one… the one that overlapped with you who is she?? The famous one that people actually care about!” Then they all start chanting “The one you’ve been waiting for” and the lighting turns green,, while they’re chanting, Anne Boleyn looks really confused and shrugs and walks to the back of the stage and picks up her phone 👑💚The Queens eventually say “The temptresssssss” and they hold it out like a snake “ANNE BOLYEN” and they sing this very choir like 👑💚They all turn to her and Anne is just sitting there cackling at whatever is on her phone and she’s like “ Whoops sorry,,” and Don’t loose your head starts 👑💚Andrea Macasaet has SUCH a high pitched voice she was absolutely ADORABLE 👑💚When she said “get ahead” she smirked and everyone laughed 👑💚Instead of her voice going down on “Pret a Manger,” it got even higher almost In a mocking French accent. 👑💚She is pissing Aragon the fuck off this entire song lol 👑💚When she says “Are you blind??” She gestures between she and Aragon 👑💚 “What was I meant to do?” Is sung like a confused toddler lol 👑💚 So the bit where they play the wedding song, all the queens bow to her and she walks past, smiling and waving and she gets to the end of the line and is like “Hold up,, let me tell you how it went down HENRY’S OUT EVERY NIGHT …. Etc” 👑💚”Bro just shut up!” Instead of mate 👑💚She even asks the band what was she meant to do, and everyone is repeating her and she screams “OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY HE REALLY WANTS TO CUT MY HEAD OFF” 👑💚and then she grins again after a long silence and she’s all smug like “I guess he really liked my head…..” While kinda licking her lips lol 👑💚DEAR GOD HER RIFFS JESUS FUCKING HREHTTLTURHGUEHURL 👑💚And she was like “yeah… that was such a weekend… I like died… and it was so extra! So im clearly the winner. So now, I have to sing a song I wrote when I found out that Catherine of Aragon had died. Its called WEAR YELLOW TO A FUNERAL SING IF YOU KNOW THE WORDS. And the bass came in and Boleyn sings “Catherine was a massive C-” and the other Queens immediately shut her up 👑Aragon and Boleyn start arguing until Seymour is like “its my turn now…” 👑Everyone looks at het before they burst out laughing, telling her ‘bye’ and ‘girl, please’ 👑And Seymour is like yeah,, I was in love and I was really really lucky. 👑🖤 And Seymour goes into this really heartbreaking monologue about how she missed her songs future and how she had a picture of her family. She said that Henry was really sweet and that she loved him 👑Boleyn cuts her off and is like “yeahhhh,, there was this one really cute time where he, like, cut my head off :) 👑🖤Seymour said that Aragon and Boleyn were badasses. Then she said that she promised to always stay by his side and didn’t yell at him back like the other two because she loved him. Then she dedicated the song to him 👑🖤Heart of Stone started and honestly,,, its not my favorite song and I usually skip it. But mY GOODNESS. Abby Mueller is a fucking goddess wow. The amount of control she has on her voice is astounding 👑🖤(fun fact abt me— I have perfect pitch lol)  they pitch changed it into A major and it transposes into B major which was SO BEAUTIFUL. It made me actually like the song lol 👑🖤Its not really eventful,, she just stands in the middle of the stage. 👑Seymour is like,, “what hurts more than a broken heart?” And  Boleyn is like “A chopped off head” 👑Almost immediately  after it transfers to Cleves and she’s like “soo he’s running out of options in England he had to expand his fields and adjust his location settings to find his next queen. We are Heading to Germany where  he got the help of Han….. 👑At some point during the song, the other queens ran off stage to get their glasses and ruffs 👑They all run back on stage in their glasses and ruffs (Cleves still hasn’t said his last name yet) and they all whisper “Holbien” 👑WELCOME TO THE HOUSE 👑lol this song is SO funny… and Cleves is so fucking adorable (she was flossing at some point). The dancing was so… German…it was hilarious. 👑So after the song is done,, the girls still have their ruffs and glasses on and it kinda turns into a mobile app like tinder.. 👑Basically there are two queens before Cleves and they all stand up and walk downstage as they are introduced, they smile and their picture is taken and they wait for about two seconds before Henry swipes left or right. 👑The two in front of Cleves are played by Parr and Howard. 👑After Cleves is selected their is a Holbein reprise 👑❤️The other queens run off taking the ruffs and Cleves is left on the stage sighing comically several times. She’s at the back of the stage sitting on a makeshift stone 👑❤️”Its the tragic story of a princess-educated, savvy, young- deemed ugly by an ulcer-ridden, wheezing, winkled man 20 years her senior.” 👑❤️WHATS A MORE DEVASTATING FATE THAN BEING FORCED INTO A BEAUTIFUL PALACE IN RICHMOND WITH MORE MONEY THAN I COULD EVER SPEND AND NO MAN TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WITH IT 👑❤️Get down is also key changed 👑❤️When she sings “I’m the Queen of the castle” she is skipping across the stage 👑❤️When she gives her fur to the footman, she actually takes off her coat and hands it to one of the queens. The crowd went crazy and she’s like “guys stop,’ and like acting all shy but secretly enjoying it-she says “Okurrrrrrrrr” . Then she’s like “AS YOU WERE” and everyone is quiet lol 👑❤️the part where it slows down and she’s like “SIT DOWNNN YOU DIRTTTY RrrrrrASCALLL” she opera sings it and I shat myself 👑❤️she uses her microphone as a lute lol 👑❤️YOU CANT (nope) STOP (nuh-uh) YOU CANT STOP ME 👑❤️At some point she squeezes her boob. I love her. 👑❤️after she kills us all by belting that last note she points to a girl in the front row and is like “YOU IN THE PINK DRESS!” and she gestures for her to stand up. And the girl stands up and they bop together with Cleves ad libbing in the background 👑❤️Eventually she says “Okay sugar this is my song, GET DOWN” 👑❤️And then after a moment of silence she’s like “So yeah it was really tragic…” 👑Aragon is like that doesn’t sound difficult at all and Ceves is like “oh… yeah.. I probably won’t win this thing… WELP BACK TO THE PALACE!” 👑the queens argue more and honestly it’s iconic 👑Seymour is yelling at Aragon and her voice is so loud and Cleves interrupts her and is like “guys,… I have the plague” and they all gasp and she’s like “HAHA JUST KIDDING MY LIFES AMAZING” they roll their eyes and Parr is like “our next queen! K HOWARD!” And everyone is like who??? 👑Aragon is like “ The least relevant Catherine,,” and Boleyn is like “Yeahhh i get it and I still don’t care,,,”
👑Howard is like “You’re right… I need all the help I can compete. What happened to you was terrible,, and so were you songs,,” Then she proceeded to roast everyone. She says “Anne you obviously had it worse I mean you lost your head……. Oh wait…..” 👑💗And then she says “but seriously Anna, getting rejected for your looks really sucks…. cant relate…I’m really hot…. So yeah. I can compete like this” or smthing and then all you wanna do starts. 👑💗At the beginning of the song the queens touch her everywhere and she leans into it willingly 👑💗Blowing the flute,, she winks at the audience and when she says C-D she puts her hand in front of her crotch and squeezes. 👑💗 “There was this guy… Francis and he asked me to be his little piece of aaaasssssss…istant! 👑💗The song goes from upbeat to upsetting very very quickly after Francis she starts to become less trusting and she gets more disoriented as the show goes on. 👑💗”Apparently men only hire women to get them into their private chamber… times were different then…” 👑💗When she says “He says  we have this connection,”  about Henry Seymour comes from behind her and touches her stomach — all you can see is her hand touching her sensually. She looks a little surprised and then she’s like “I guess its not so different..” 👑💗By the time we get to Thomas Culpepper she is flustered and VERY uncomfortable. The girls are all touching her now and she looks down and stares at their hand before pushing them away and finishing the end of the song. she keeps pushes them away but they keep coming back. She looks utterly heartbroken and you can see her unraveling. 👑💗THAT RIFF WAS SO GGHRSILGBRLGKJBJL 👑💗she screams “WHEN WILL ENOUGH BE ENOUGH” as they keep touching her and she fails as she pushes them away. 👑💗Eventually she gets them off but she ends up by herself on the stage with her face facing up and a dim pink spotlight is on her. 👑💗There is a chilling silence and then she’s smiling and says ‘YEAH and then I was beheaded and I won this competition!” 👑Then they get into another argument. Boleyn starts talking about how her beheading was more relevant because Henry humiliated her more and Aragon was like,,, um I won the humiliation game and she counts her mistresses 👑Then they start yelling about the miscarriages they had and Boleyn says she has three and Aragon says “You know what Anne BO-LOSER I HAD FIVE” and Parr is like “this is not okay, don’t compare miscarriages, thats hella insensitive” and they push her to the center and tell her to sing her song 👑Theres a random baseline again and Parr looks like she’s about to start singing but she stops and says,,”I’m good,” and tries to go off stage. They all accuse her of being a sore loser because she survived and knows that she had no chance of winning. 👑Parr is like,,, NO its pitting us against each other and the queens all groan  and make fun of her and she’s like okay,, imma sing the song then. And Katherine Howard says “Are you sure?? Are you sure you dont want to stick to backing vocals where you belong?” 👑💙And Parr softly says “Queens take a seat,” before turning to the pianist and saying “Can you give me a Bb maj7, please?” 👑💙Parr shuts down all the queens and says her life wasn’t all rainbows because she survived. And she talks about her love tom, and I never realized that the song is a letter to tom. She starts off “Dear Tom, You know I love you boy,” 👑💙 Anna Uzele was so fucking good. And Tbh,, this is my least favorite song so I don’t remember much about the staging (I’m sorry) 👑💙Side note,, parr is such a badass and an amazing woman 👑At the end of the song, she turns to the queens and is like “without Henry we all disappear ,” and Boleyn is like “I don’t get it” and parr asks “How does anyone know who we are” and Boleyn is like “mY SiX fInGeRs-“ before Aragon cuts her off and is like “Put it away, baby” 👑Parr then asks Henry the 7 and 6’s wives names and nobody can answer. “but, when we get together as a group-“ Boleyn cuts her off and is like “EVERYONE NOTICES THAT JANE CAN’T DANCE!” “NO WE COMPARE OURSELVES” 👑when Boleyn finally gets it she explains the situation like she’s an encyclopedia and it was so funny and fast and oMG 👑”UGH if we had realized this before we started we could have done something else like make a fake competition to show everyone how messed up comparing us is and then we could reclaim our story and all become the leading ladies…” “:/ and they are all saying this dialogue its just split up and I dont remember it very well 👑IF ONLY WE HAD THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE 👑then they look at each other and smirk at the audience before reprising Parr’s song as “We don’t need your love,” 👑Which was so good bc THEY DON’T NEED HENRY’S LOVE YES 👑Then they point out “We might only be remember for marrying the same man,, but why does anyone give a sh- who he is? It’s because of his,,” then they all harmonize ’SIIIIIIX WIVES’ 👑AND WE ALL HAVE A ROYAL HAPPY EVER AFTER but Boleyn cuts Seymour off and is like “But we didn’t” 👑then they go onto explain how none of them had happy endings and they’re like,, but we can rewrite them! So they do and that leads into Six which is such a soft song. 👑Six, actually starts off very slowly. It speeds up after they say “we’re six” 👑It was such an energy ending I was speechless and gold confetti poured down on them and OMG I was shaken to my core. 

[bilgisticallykosher]

Selfishness vs. Selfishness Redux

Pre-episode thoughts. I don't think they're going to address the dark side Everybody-already-knew-that thing right away. I'm still thinking Deceit's gonna be Virgil, but I'm also not so certain that's going to wind up going down. Because there's a lot of other stuff to get into. We know from the first Asides that stuff between Virgil and Patton is growing, and simmering. It's coming, and while that's in the future, there's probably going to be more build-up here. Is it that Patton knew about Virgil's past? Is it something else entirely? This is going to be a two hour episode, geez. 

Also, I can't believe he's actually going to the wedding. Idk. All those people saying he got the date wrong, though? First of all, Logan is in charge of the schedule, he'd never let that happen, how dare? And also, I always double check dates and invitations for stuff. I really doubt Virgil wouldn't have looked at the invitation and checked the information again. Watch me be totally wrong now. 

I don't know who I think the cloaked figure is. Could be Deceit ("like a freaking Scooby Doo villain"), could be Thomas himself. Probably not Organization XIII, but I'm not completely eliminating the option, let me have this. 

Things I'd like, but am 99% certain won't happen; Deceit's name (which I'm both hoping and expecting to not start with D), a new side, Remus and Deceit interacting on camera, or really Remus at all. Except for that green score of BOOBS, I maintain that's Remus's contribution. 

ALRIGHT, LET'S GO, I'M NOT READY!!!!

First impression of the thumbnail. You vs. Yourself???? Oh my gosh. Ohhhh, I'm freaking out. Patton looks so apprehensive, and I don't know if that's on general, or because of Roman or in response to Roman, because Roman looks so annoyed at Patton! He's so angry oh my gosh. I mentioned I wasn't ready, right? Okay. Okay. So their sprites are different styles, which is cool. Patton's looks risk-based stroll around town type of RPG, Roman's looks fighting style. 

The options for the character select???? Oh my gosh, that's. Hi, Remus. Anyway, uh, I don't know what this means, but there's three character options on top and- DARK SIDES ARE SEPARATE FROM LIGHT SIDES! Oh gosh, I was thinking maybe it was something to do with specifically Logan. Ooh, Deceit's in his lawyer outfit, nice touch.  THERE'S AN EXTRA BLANK PLAYER OPTION. I don't know if that means he'll be revealed this episode, or just that he exists. I mean, we just had Deceit's logo, Remus's reveal and name reveal… here goes.

IT STARTS WITH THE VIDEO GAME??? THIS IS THE INTRO????? THE WEDDING??????!!!!!!! Oh hey word crush. Oh hey, it's the couple! Starting to think this is a dream or fantasy, btw. Also, Lee and Mary Lee sound like...Esteban and Valerie? Maybe? Idk. Omg, Life is pain. 

This is awkward, beautiful. Pfft, hence the marriage. Photographer is great, no idea who he or the emcee are. Ooh. Crushed. 

INTRO??? EXCUSE ME??? Oh was SvS originally on 3/31? Yeah, good, play a review like all of us haven't been obsessing over what happened last time. "APRIL 13" I'm just going thi pause forever now. Oh this is going to be the angry walk in that was previewed in the bloopers, I can tell. Oh no. OH NO! And it is at night and he seriously freaking actually went to the wedding????

Oh my gosh he's so angry. Ohhh, Patton rethinking his phrasing, nice. You should never→I'm surprised that you etc. Oh Roman! Oh, maybe we should… not review. Oh boy. 

Oh there's Patton's avatar. In then guitar hero thing. Oh, Thomas is associated with the color white, confirmed??? I like how they did the notes there. So much detail. The talk sprites are great, but the expressions on the dancing sprites are worth paying attention to. Okay, Patton's still very, um, defensive, I guess is the word? Thomas is angry and bereft and confused and full of doubt, and Roman's heavily on the confused side (ha) about him aligning with Deceit. This is why he stole his hat. Great animation work, everyone, that was fantastic, artists! 

"Why didn't I just talk to them before the wedding?" THOMAS. Also, because Deceit specifically prevented Logan from being too close to the courtroom scene by benching him and not asking him what his idea of a compromise was. "I brought that up," well, you did, but Deceit kinda made it seem like you were suggesting lying to them, so you got shut down. Sorry, Ro. Listen, I love Deceit, but the boy's a manipulator. 

We learn to predict the future!!! Roman, no. Woah, Patton's just being completely dismissive. I mean he's been through some hard times the last few episodes, minus LNTAO, but damn. Oh. Roman's very much defending Patton. This forebodes very badly. This is going to explode terribly. Oh no. 

Okay, so, the thing with the feral cats. Is Roman okay? Did someone do this to him? More importantly, did he do this to me? Also, on a serious note, I'm super shocked Deceit hasn't come in yet, because he (and Thomas, and arguably Patton) is obviously regretting going to the wedding. I mean, Virgil's not coming in right away because of the reveal at the end of DWIT, but- hey where's Logan?! Logan and Deceit should both totally be here! *gasp* Except in the one on one episodes (Heart vs. Mind, My Negative Thinking, Logince; the argument) it's always primarily been the two sides that are featured with the others either not there or off-screen or making small cameos. But Deceit was and is an important part of this decision past, present, and going forward! 

Oooh, I like the Lee and Mary Lee backstory. Hm. Patton does bring good points, but. I still agree with- oh, Thomas just solidly saying no made me snort. Okay, so speaking of the coin bleeping, why the video games? I know there's more to come with it, how do they come into play? Oh okay metaphor. 

That was clearly not the good ending, Roman. Bringing up Is Thomas A Good Person again. OOH xylophone, is he a-comin'? Oh he's directly blaming Patton. Wow, Roman. 

A BAGEL?! Oh, game sssssssstore. Really? Frogger, Pat? 16 graphics. Oh there's the hotdogs. OH and there's the cloaked guy! Smashing our theories. That does not seem like Sondheim. 

The puns, oh my gosh, brilliant. Getting to the meat of them here. Gosh these graphics are fantastic. 6AM dull. 

Oh. Hm. Technically, he does not have to give him the 'dog. The building tension is fascinating. 

HI, LOGAN! Patton looking real uncomfortable at "regret." I mean, they all know they regret it now, right? Roman making fun of behoove, that's so funny, I have no idea why. Seriously, whoever's doing the art, I'm dying at Logan's expressions. Woah good thing viewers have the pause button. I'm all for not buying X-mas decorations. I'm doing my part, goyim. 

I'm counting "it's not like Kingdom Hearts" in lieu of that having been Organization XIII. Oh boy, Patton. Right thing vs. Feeling good vs. Feeling good about doing the right thing. This is falling apart. Patton's noise. 

BOOBS omg Deceit is Bowser. I love that painting in the background! Scutes! Time went from limited to being lost to poorly spent to wasted! I'm standing by the purple being Virgil. Fyi, in Judaism, doing a good thing for the wrong reasons doesn't matter, because you're still doing the good thing, even if it's just for the reward. There's a thing about it with Avraham and a King.

Roman's getting close to breaking. Reptilian rapscallian guy. And who's to say he can't be doing it for the reward and to help people? 

"... an individual's happiness and the amount of selfless acts…" that should be number, not amount, Logan! Can't judge good deeds only by how good you feel when you do them. 

Okay, here we go. How do we know what's Right? Killing and stealing is illegal everywhere, yes, Thomas, what are you doing, Thomas???

Oh my gosh, not the trolley problem. They're referring to Deceit as Denial and Roman as Passion! Oh gosh, that looks like Joan, Talyn, Dot, Valerie, and Terrence, and Leo by himself, maybe? Oh geez, I jolted. Logan index carding for trolley problem. 

Unus Annus is right, the trolley problem is stupid. Oh my gosh, Logan's giant wall of text physically pushing Patton back, I spit all over my screen. Skip All. 

Roman's… blaming himself? Oh!!! Are we getting Roman's insecure arc???!!! This is a complex issue, and Patton's having a hard time backing down, and everyone's feeling bad.

Scared?! I hear music! NO. Why is he scared, oh my gosh?????? That's not a tired metaphor. Oh! I've heard of hypoxia! It was hypothesized (and disproven) to be the reason for a specific Bermuda Triangle incident. 

Good point, Logan. Regarding theory and in the moment instincts. Remus mention with intrusive thoughts! Shocked that Logan is arguing for leisure time. Logan's self satisfied smirk at the self-sacrifice. GLITCHY! Oh he's a frog. Lilypadton. 

Oh my gosh I'm getting so stressed. Yes, thank you, Logan for the scream. I… don't. The conscientious comment. No, it's not. This seems… Deceit-y. IT IS! SHARP SIDE OH MY GOSH! Oh, he didn't rise up, he popped out in the freaking dialogue box, NO, FRICK IT WAS RIGHT THERE! And the Nietzsche and the specific examples that he used!!! I'm so angry! I DIDN'T THINK HE'D TAKE LOGAN'S PLACE AGAIN! I MISSED THE SIGNS! 

Hey guys, look, it's Deceit. Bull… frog. Lord of the lies. Oh! 8-bit Deceit theme. Okay, the first thing Deceit said about him not doing it on purpose was nice, but yeah, those words striking him is accurate. Yeesh, harsh. 

Is Patton eating his own words? Oh, uh, is anyone going to acknowledge he hit Thomas? Is that telling of the situation instead of just being a funny background event? 

The crick in Thomas's neck is so funny. SNAKES ON THE PLANE!!! ...Hm. Happy that he brought that up. Oh my gosh, Deceit's spluttering, he's like so bad at things sometimes, I love it. 

Logan! No, don’t do that, everybody appreciates you! Double curse? Pffffft, Logan. Deceit…definitely smiling at Logan's logic. Deceit is interesting here. Oh wow, yikes. He's really fascinating here. Legitimately complimentary? Oh, no, kind of not, maybe. Roman looks distressed.

"...Trees?" Roman's super pumped up. Good for him! Ha, his imitation. Deceit looking confused? Patton looking all sorts of things, I really think that Deceit is being genuine here- NAME?! I'D THIS HAPPENING? Why is he stripping? His, no, what does his glove have to do with his name? 

………. Janice? Did he say Jenus or Janice. It sounded like Janice. Deceit. No. Oh, burn, Roman. Damn, he almost got me. His name is not Janice. No. It's not. Don't even. Deceit was being so straight(ha)forward for the past couple of minutes. Awww, Roman. Insecurity addressing time? Wait, why is Deceit nodding at the hero thing? His lip is trembling, his voice is cracking and oh no! Roman just sank out.

Don't call him Janice, that's not his name. Oh he's being genuine again. Patton's talking about himself. WAIT WHAT. He had a five second cameo, omg. 

Yeah, those are the easier questions. No, Deceit, bad Deceit. Man, his facial expressions in this episode. Fractionally fiendish fibber. Oh, I like the reasons for Deceit being a part of him! That's… cute? Oddly cute, maybe. So, freaking how far in the future is the Asides? 

Stop calling him Janice, that's not his name. Oh, Deceit and Thomas bonding. That snort, oh my gosh. Oh, serious Deceit again! That reaction to "you're right" is oddly similar to that fake laugh at the end of Embarrassing Phases. 

………. Virgil's not here yet. His reveal isn't being addressed. Accepting Deceit. That's why he's so pissed at Patton in Asides. The next episode proper they're going to reveal that Deceit's accepted, more or less, and Patton was a big part of that, hugely changing his mind, that's why he's so pissed at him!!!

April 30th? Oh is this Lee and Mary Lee? I was wrong on the voices. Door-yelling! Hm. I mean. It's nice that they're acknowledging him, but I really don't think that sways the situation one way or another. Cute more background, and Thomas being awkward. They. This could have been instead of the wedding. Kingdom Hearts again! 

Oh hi, Patton and Deceit. He seems annoyed at the situation. Patton and Deceit bonding. Hi again, Leslie. Wild. 

This video really didn't go at all how I thought it would. Roman was barely miffed at Patton. Oh man, this was intense. I. Oh man. I need to process a lot. But I think we're on the right path, here. Janice is not his name!

Okay, I went on tumblr and two seconds in, I saw Janus, which I looked up and that makes way more sense. Another, more condensed post to follow. And several thousand reblogs.

[propshophannah]

Hi, so I’m not super sure what I’m trying to say but I’m feeling down abt some manorian posts I saw. It’s prob really dumb but I get like upset/sad when blogs I like a lot love everything SJM but then say they’re anti one of her ships. I’ve criticized SJM’s writing & there r ships I don’t particularly like...but I’d never say I was anti one of her ships? Idk. Maybe I’m just confused/sad abt why ppl who love SJM choose that word when it carries a lot of baggage in fandoms. idk. I was just 1/2

feeling kinda sad about it. I also saw ppl I respect a lot saying manorian isn’t a ship cuz they don’t say I love you/show PDA/only have sex. I was just…really hurt by that? It felt like they were saying ppl had to act a certain way for their feelings or relationships to be valid. I don’t think they meant to be offensive(?) they just didn’t realize they were marginalizing a lot of ppl & cultures that show affection differently. idk. It made me really sad & I’m not sure what to do. 2/2

—

Hi Nonnie, I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this ask and I’m sorry you’re feeling sad and confused. I want you to know that what you’ve brought up here is not dumb. Your feelings are valid and important! I’ll try to address your ask as best I can.

About fandom use of the term anti.

You are not alone in finding this odd or discouraging. I’ve seen stuff like this from time to time on “pro” blogs and found myself thinking the same exact thing. I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about it, too. It does seem like there could be a better way to phrase ship criticism or dislike of something other than to use the word anti because you’re right, it does carry a lot of baggage.

To play the devil’s advocate, I think it’s really important to remember that context is key. Just because a fandom blog you love says they’re “anti” something doesn’t mean they’re using the term in the same way Official Anti Blogs use it. (As I write this, I’m wondering if I’ve ever used it to express dislike, not realizing how it could come across!) It could be a joke you’re not in on, or phrasing used because the blogger was rage posting (we’ve all been there) and that was the phrase that validated their feelings in that moment, or it could be that they used that phrase without thinking about how it might come off to their followers.

Have you tried asking the blogger about it? Maybe just send a quick note about how it made you feel. They might not realize how it comes off. This could give you an opportunity to feel as though you’ve been heard and it would allow the blogger the opportunity to explain why they chose that phrase. I think you should ask them, Nonnie! Just because there are a lot of reasons someone might choose that phrase that don’t necessarily mean they are against SJM, or only pro the things they like about her writing and against everything else.

Now that’s not to say that a blog can’t be pro SJM and still be anti something about her books or (as you said) criticize her work. And if that’s the phrase they choose to use then there isn’t much we can do about it. We can’t change other people, but we can change ourselves. So maybe, you don’t follow that blog anymore, or you remind yourself that they’re still a great blog, but one you disagree with on word choice and topics.

About PDA and relationship validation.

I actually love that you brought this up because this is a conversation I’ve been having a LOT lately. There have been a handful of posts or comments on posts lately where things like PDA etc. were used to lessen or invalidate Manon and Dorian’s relationship and it just left an icky feeling with a lot of people.

I should be VERY clear here. I DO NOT think the people who use PDA as an argument for invalidating a ship realize they’re marginalizing people, or are being offensive when they do this. I think it’s more that they’ve just never been in a position where they were asked to think about it that way. The normative category is by definition ignorant of itself, right? Like, even I had a hard time figuring out why some of these arguments left a bad taste in my mouth, and it wasn’t until after I’d talked to a few people that I was able to really figure it out.

But you’re right! Not everyone expresses affection by exhibiting normative displays of romantic love (such as hand holding, cuddling, kissing etc.). Some people aren’t capable of those things, don’t like those things, or they just choose to express affection differently (maybe by validating someone’s feelings, keeping them safe, being present, providing for them in small ways like making dinner or folding their person’s laundry etc.).

And I think the best/most relevant point you make, is that some people don’t come from cultures that normalize PDA. Western cultures show affection VERY differently than Eastern cultures.

Recently I watched a CNN special on Japan that talked a lot about this idea of “sexlessness” and how culturally the Japanese don’t show a lot of affection, specifically touch affection (hugs, kisses, hand holding after marriage etc.). It was fascinating and I’d argue that the idea of cultural differences TOTALLY APPLIES to the Ironteeth in ToG. We don’t know a lot about their culture, but we do know that affection in any form is frowned upon and discouraged. So if we consider how Manon grew up thinking she was incapable of love/displaying loving or kind emotions (and subsequently beaten/abused for displayed them) it’s not hard at all to see how it would take her a lot of time (and deprogramming) to be able to show and express those kinds of emotions.

This is her ENTIRE character arc, right? From the very moment she appeared on page, she told us how heartless she was, while simultaneously showing us how heartless she was not. (I mean, helloOoOo Abraxos!) Her first “I love you” always belonged to him. But she didn’t need to say it for us to know she loved him. It was there the whole time in her actions. Same with the Thirteen. Manon loved them dearly. They were her sisters, her family. And just because she never told them “I love you” doesn’t mean she didn’t love them. I have plenty of friends whom I love very deeply who I’ve never said I love you to. I likewise have lots of friends who I have said it to. Also, it’s easier to tell a pet/animal that we love them rather than risk saying it to a person, right? Animals aren’t going to judge or reject you—or even verbally respond. Therefore, it’s a low risk endeavor. (Not to say I think this is the only reason she said it to Abraxos!)

My partner and I are not into PDA. At all. Sometimes, if we’re in a group of close friends or family I may be more into showing touch affection, but usually we save those moments for private. There have been MANY times when we’ve been out and people have hit on my partner because they honestly don’t know we’re together. And I don’t get mad/jealous or physically stake a claim or anything when this happens. I let my partner handle it. We just aren’t into sharing our intimate moments with other people. It’s for us only.

So I totally understand how an argument based on PDA can be really hurtful or potentially offensive. Especially when the argument ignores the great moments of communication we get with manorian. As if communication is less important to relationships than PDA…

I also see nothing wrong with casual sex, though I don’t see manorian as having had casual sex (even before the “stay” scene where they clearly did more than just sex). I think they both talk a big game about how the sex didn’t mean anything, but if that were true then why wouldn’t Dorian pursue Vesta? Why would the idea of Dorian with another person make Manon jealous? I feel like they both wanted to pretend like The Sex didn’t mean anything, but I read two people, who weren’t able to verbalize their feelings for one another, finding a shared safe space that was free of responsibilities and the horrors of war where they could be with one another and express their feelings the only way they could at that moment in time. (Which is another reason the “stay” scene stands out.)

TL;DR

A good friend of mine is not monogamous at all. She’s in a relationship with a married man (who’s in an open relationship with his wife). They’re bf and gf and she tells me how they say I love you to one another, take trips together, have AMAZING sex, he writes her the most beautiful love letters, they go on dates—they do EVERYTHING couples do. Except he’s married and they’re both sleeping with other people.

And sometimes it’s HARD for me to figure out where to put this in my brain because I grew up with a specific set of parameters that defined what a relationship was supposed to look like. Sometimes I get confused about how he also loves his wife, sometimes I get confused about how my friend knows their relationship is real. Like it’s hard because it challenges societal expectations of what relationships look like.

I think that happens sometimes with ships in books—or with anything in life that we don’t understand. When something is different than what we expect or are used to, it can kind of…blind us to what’s there. If it still bothers you, Nonnie, you could try explaining your side to these people and start a dialogue? It might actually be really helpful for you and them! Give it a try and let me know!

[maryannalush]

Rant on Voltron season 8

I dont know how long this will be and im sorry if i ramble.

Okay so i just finish watching Voltron and let me tell you i am not amused. And it is more than just the last episode. I mean that was pretty weak in my opinion. I know some people liked it. Power to them. But not me. I felt like my intelligence had been insulted.

First i will start with Allura. I knew when I first started watching Voltron that she was going to die. And at first i was like "yea okay, last altean, i see where they are going with this". I didnt really like her character at first. She seem to happy, and just to much. But as the seasons when on i felt like she gained something. She wasn't just this hollow, one dimension, self sacrificing character. But at the same time i felt like she was constantly trying to die to save people and that's good and all but it was way overused (not just with her but all the paladins) and i just felt it was really stupid. Like you are the only people who can save the universe (and all realitys) and yet you are willing to throw away your life at the drop of a hat. 💁‍♀️ bitch what. And then with her romance with Lotor. That just rubbed me the wrong way. I get it. She thought he was the last one of her kind. I just felt forced. Like really forced. It felt to me like a plot point and nothing more.

Then we have Lance. Some things with his character were really good. Like he was a ladies man but not in the creepy way that a lot of them are played out to be. He was kind and never tried to really force his was with Allura and i loved that. He respected her and didn't treat her like some object that he could have if he tried hard enough. Everyone knew he liked her but he wasn't constantly showing her with affection and offers and gifts like i have seen over and over again in TV shows. It was really refreshing. But outside of that there wasn't much to his character. He could shoot well, yea. But that's not really a character trait. Just a skill. I think they could have done so much with his character if they tried. But he was literally like a side character the entire time. Nothing about his character really shown through the whole show. He was just sure of himself and sometimes but the team in danger. Plus he was super annoying at times. Don't get me wrong i think hes a good character but just way under done.

Next us Keith's character. I think he went though the most changes thought Voltron. With a few occational backtracks. He started out as this out cast kid who didn't like authority and wanted to be alone (the emo kid) into someone whole led the fight against the Galra. (More about becomig leader later). And i loved his character growth, but we didnt really get to see it happen. One minute he was with his mom outside of the Colony the next he's back with Voltron and hes ready to be a leader. Before he left he was still this kid who was running away from responsiblitly, running g away from being the Black Paladin and then he gets back to the ship and boom hes a leader. I understand he aged and matured and probably learned a thing or two from his mother but we never really see that. Shiro was alway "ill never give up on you" but it didnt make him the leader. Another thing that frustrated me was when Shiro left for space Keith got himself kicked out of the Garrison. Its kinda like all the stiff Shiro did to get him in and keep him in was for nothing. Especially after they thought he died. All those flash back and the time he spent with him added up to nothing. Sure it was used later to show the bond between them and help them a time or two, and that great, but i feel like that could have been achieved though the other things they went through. I also find it weird that no one ever knew that he wasn't fully human, i feel like something would have shown before he activated the Blade. All other half breeds showed outwardly that they were part Galra but he didnt. He looked totally human until then. Once again i think it was a plot point. Especially when Allura was avoiding him because he was part Galra was super stupid, or at least i thought. Mainly because i feel like really had no reason to dislike him, like he never did anything and she was like "thats because your Galra". He wasn't mean or anything. Loner, yes. I dont know it just kinda made me made.

Pidge is next. I feel like Pidges main thing was learning to accept herself and find her brother. I like how they did it and that she didnt start dressing girly once they found out. She was who she wanted to be. And being male or female didnt change that. Even when she got back to earth. I also low key forgot they were looking for her brother and farther like half way through because they never really made way on it until she saw the picture of her brother. I mean yes they hinted at it. But it seemed like she put it on a back burner, then all of a sudden it was all she cared about. And that just doesn't seem very Pidge to me. And even thought she is a girl they didnt make her less of a character than the rest like Allura was for a while. She was always super important and stayed that way.

I dont really have much to say about Hunk. I loved him and he was a good supporting character to the main people but that's just about all her was.

Okay now one of the things i really didnt like about the whole thing. The switching lion. Why, why..... why. To me it felt silly and unessisary. At the time Keith was no where near being ready to pilot the black lion and Allura had been a dull character. Lance was perfect for Blue and Keith for Red. But when they switched it made me feel like they were being forced into role that really didnt belong. I feel like Allura should have piloted the black lion in Shiros absences but given it back when Shiro returned. She had shown.she was a leader and respected by everyone and it was almost a slap in the face to see her in the blue lion. And Lance in the red lion felt wrong too. Shiro should have stayed Black paladin and in his absence Allura. Like a mom and dad duo. (Not ship wise tho) They gave off the vibes of both being the leaders, Shiro being the to and Alloura his second i command. As i srated ealier Keith did eventually step up as a leader but i feel like as the red lion he could have been a leader like Shiros right hand man. I feel like the shift was unessisary and cause more problems then it solved. And then they didnt change out fits either so you have the red paladin wearing a blue outfit and the black paladin wearing a red outfit. It irked me to no end seeing that. Like you change lion you change suit. Boi 😤🙏

And then the last season. Oof. I feel like it was pulling in so many different directions. It was so much confusing, more like info overload. They could have either made another season or took some pointless thing out. Like they kept having to prove their bond with each other every other episode. It got boring. I under stand it happening once or twice but how often i heard Keith saying we have to work together it the power is within was over kill. They already established they were super strong together. I understand they wanting the audience to know that were strong but really. Almost every episode. Come on. Give me a break. It almsot it like their bond before wasn't really a bond so they had to do it again. But whatever.

Now Alluras death. Let me tell you that made me mad. Like wtf. The was they did it was alomst lien they pulled ut out of their ass. "Hey how should we end this" "i dont know... it had to be something epic" "how about all the paladin combine their strength with all the last paladins and Hagger and fix the universe and channel it thought Allura ( how i thought it should have gone. Because we literally see the past paladins before she goes but idk) " naw lets just kill Allura and make it as unrealistic and simple as possible". I feel like they could have done so much more, something so much more meaningful. It just felt so rushed and almost pointless. Like they didnt know what to do and took out the most useless paladin and called it a day. It just wa ssooo freaking stupid and dull. And then when They were saying goodbye they were all okay with it. Didn't question it. Didn't try to come up with a different solution like they have done ever time in the past that someone tried to sacrifice theirselves. Nope just was like if you say so. Boop. Big freaking ooof. Like ever other time someone tried to sacrafice themselves they found a was to do something else but there they where kind ooc a bit. And lance. Man. I feel like he was under reacted. That was the love of his life. The girl he would never get over a d he barely argued. Like no. No. Just no. All his character development, poof gone. All im saying is they wouldn't have just accepted it. Of all the things they went through i just dont think they would.

Lastly the after credit(?) Thing. There was so much wrong with that. Like lance. I feel like he would have not moved on per say but found someone else to love. Because Allura wouldn't have wanted him to grow up and be alone for the rest of his life. It was sad and kinda pathetic. She would have wanted him to find a nice girl and have little baby lances. Instead he was forever heart broken and unable to move on. Blah. And Chip i wanted more about chip. Why did she build him. Was he supposed to be a son like figure because he looked like a child. Did he even work. I have so many questions. And then Shiro marring some random bimbo. They had no build up, nothing. He just in a few shots aboard the Atlas. It felt like a last minute decision. They could have done so much with them becoming a thing. But nope they show Shiro may or may not have been with Adam and then decided just to give him a random gay marriage. They aaidsomething about him finding happiness but never once did it seem like that was what he was looking for throughout the show. Not like Lance was. He never even seemed interested in anyone thought out the whole thing. Like maybe he traveled the first earth mission thought space or something idk. It made his character feel sallow.

End of rant. If you disagree with me or think i jave something wrong feel free to discuss it with me. Like and adult.

Thanks for your time.

[liuwdere]

the gay ass anime masterpost*

*not actually a masterpost, since i give about two and a half fucks about keeping this updated or properly categorized. real loose classifications to follow. shit i haven’t seen in italics; stuff i’d highly recommend in bold. now updated w/ streaming links (some are US-only tho, sorry)

no predatory lesbians or okama joke characters or else we’ll be here all day. k? k.

LGBT-THEMED: anime that directly addresses LGBT identity as one of its primary focuses

Revolutionary Girl Utena

the ez one

Yurikuma Arashi

Class S is bullshit, did u know that. Also, thirsty-ass bear girls and a real angry takedown of the patriarchy

Flip Flappers

I don’t know how you can read this show as anything but lesbian sexual awakening, especially given the Class S Yuri Hell episode

Wandering Son (Hourou Musuko)

pls pay attention to the T friends

Aoi Hana (Sweet Blue Flowers)

Showa Genroku Rakugo Shinju

Kikuhiko is def not cishet and i will fite u if u insist otherwise. Half the show’s choices make no sense without that lens

Yuri!!! on Ice

fite me

LGBT-THEMED; LIMITED REP: anime that addresses gender or sexuality as a secondary focus, though perhaps lacking explicit representation (e.g. LGBT narratives in the secondary cast). 

The Woman Called Fujiko Mine (from the director of Yuri!!! on Ice)

One of the supporting characters is a gay man struggling w/ masculinity

Gay schoolgirl episode all about female sexual repression

did i mention the titty is good

Princess Jellyfish

Prominent focus on gender presentation

Kuranosuke can be read as a closeted trans woman

Paradise Kiss

Heroine’s love interest is bisexual

Trans woman in the supporting cast; trans identity plays a major role in her story

Ouran High School Host Club

Discusses gender + gender presentation, though protagonist isn’t explicitly stated to be nonbinary

Protagonist’s parents implied to be genderqueer; father definitely bi

Plenty of gay subtext among the male cast

Scum’s Wish

Strong focus on female sexuality; main character is bisexual

Central cast also includes a lesbian

Simoun

Discusses gender as more of an abstraction? Takes place in a world where everyone is born female to later choose a permanent gender. It does less to directly address gender than you’d expect, though, which is why I’m sticking it here

From the New World (Shin Sekai Yori)

Future dystopia where societal norms practically mandate bisexuality. Honestly, I dunno where to put this; the story’s more concerned with sexuality in general than with LGBT identity

Devilman Crybaby

Classic characters reinterpreted through a queer lens; important theme of coming to terms with one’s own sexuality and identity. Ryo is the definition of disaster gay 

LGBT REP: anime w/ positive depictions of LGBT characters, though not necessarily concerned w/ addressing queerness directly. 

Samurai Flamenco

Four words: gay naked gunpoint proposal. the show makes about that much sense but it’s a lotta fun

i don’t care what the director said

bisexual girl in a poly relationship 

No. 6

boys kissing tho???

Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid

pls ignore the manga and its magic dick nonsense

Haruchika

One of the two leads is a gay boy. He explicitly says so in the first episode. Avoid the live-action movie like the plague.

I should probably list Kase-san and Bloom Into You here

Mikagura School Suite

The heroine is REALLY THIRSTY for all the cute girls

Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo

Beyond the obvious homoerotic overtones of Albert/the Count, there’s Franz’s gay crush

Sympathetic trans girl character in the secondary cast

Michiko and Hatchin (from the director of Yuri!!! on Ice!!!)

Girls are good ok

Atsuko is gay

Macross Delta

two girls in the supporting cast do a hell of a lotta cuddling on screen

some versions of Sailor Moon

namely the ‘90s anime

Sailor Moon Crystal and the manga do address gender in… questionable ways

Tokyo Godfathers

Trans woman in the main cast

Tiger and Bunny

Reasonably respectful portrayal of a gay man once it gets going

Central relationship between two men could be read as romantic

Genshiken

Whispered Words (Sasameki Koto)

Psycho-Pass

One of the officers is a lesbian. She gets a focus episode

Monogatari series

Really just limited to Kanbaru, but she’s the most accurate depiction of the constantly horny dank meme problematic gay (e.g. me) i’ve ever seen, ironic propositioning of her straight dude friend and all. The rest of the franchise is obnoxious though, so ymmv

Kill la Kill?

i don’t know how else you interpret one girl kissing another on the mouth

Attack on Titan

If you’ve been living under a rock and somehow haven’t heard about it Ymir and Christa are all but explicitly stated to be in love with each other

Kino’s Journey

Kino asks people to use non-gendered pronouns, apparently? I haven’t seen this yet.

Knights of Sidonia

Non-binary character in the main cast

The manga goes some iffy places with their character tho, be warned

Really though, I mostly like this show for the sentient pink penis alien

Gatchaman Crowds

Several gender non-conforming characters

Trans girl in the main cast

Cardcaptor Sakura?

Fuuka

One of the dudes is canonically gay, not that it makes much of an improvement to the show

A Centaur’s Life

there’s a moment where a lesbian objects to her PDA being considered more obscene than the straight equivalent, which is nice but pretty off-the-cuff

Rose of Versailles

Oscar’s debatably genderqueer, though the show goes some real questionable places towards the end

Gay ladies?

Hunter x Hunter

Trans girl in the supporting cast. Her story’s extremely minor in the grand scheme of things but it’s there and it’s good

Love and Lies

potato-kun gets a harem that includes his male best friend

Land of the Lustrous

non-gendered rock people searching for meaning in life

Bodacious Space Pirates

via @madscientist212​: “two explicitly lesbian characters who are lovers, and one of the story arcs involves the crew helping one of them avoid being forced into an arranged marriage to a dude by her uncle”

Banana Fish

Extremely dated BL-flavored crime drama; unfortunately falls into the pitfalls of old-ass exploitation films: csa, sexual assault, etc. It’s such a problematic fav tho

Kiss Him, Not Me

Reverse harem includes a lesbian

Double Decker! Doug & Kirill

heavy gay subtext between leads and secondary cast members; well-intentioned trans representation that’s... kinda clumsy, tbh

Zombie Land Saga

one of the zombie girls is a trans girl who dies from the shock of puberty. it’s p incidental to her character but the show’s real cute otherwise so go for it

Anima Yell

apparently one of the girls admits to having a crush on a female teacher. or something. idk this show looks hella boring why bother

THE SUBTEXT IS STRONK: not textually gay (some you could argue could fall under category #2 and vice versa; not the point of this post) but can be read that way, even though these shows aren’t super concerned w/ romance in general

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Neon Genesis Evangelion?

Depending on the version, Shinji’s sexuality can be read a variety of ways. Manga Shinji is pretty clearly bi; TV anime Shinji you could debate. 

Free, I guess

Love Live (Sunshine esp.) if I’m counting Free

Symphogear

Dear Brother (Oniisama e, otherwise known as BE STRONG)

Kids on the Slope (Sakamichi no Apollon)

Nominally they’re straight and pining for the same girl but BOY do Kaoru and Sentarou have a LOT of chemistry with each other, so much that it’s hard to read them otherwise

Marimite (Maria Watches Over Us)

Izetta: The Last Thing I Would Watch Even If I Had a Gun Pointed at My Head

Despite what you may have heard, this show is bad and 100% plays in bait territory. Also, obnoxious gun fetishism and way. too. much. goddamn. phallic imagery.

Tanaka-kun is Always Listless

Umamusume: Pretty Derby

Princess Principal

Spiritpact

I have complicated feelings about this goddamn trash fire of a show, but halfway through the second season it turns into a genuinely compelling gay pseudo-romance (?) about two boys navigating heteronormativity. also i guess the main couple exists, tho they spend a ridiculous amount of effort no-homoing

Amanchu

basically any sports anime ever tbh 

Golden Kamuy

MADE FOR THE STRAIGHTS BUT STILL OK: the yuri, BL, etc. that’s clearly targeted at a heterosexual audience but respectful enough to be enjoyable for the people they’re about

Doukyuusei

This Boy Caught a Merman

This Boy is a Professional Wizard

Strawberry Panic

Love Stage??? I have some qualms about putting this here but of the trashy BL anime that exist this is probably the least offensive

Maria-Holic

TEXTUALLY GAY BUT BLUGHHHH: the yuri and BL that just sux

Sakura Trick

Junjou Romantica (how the hell does this thing have three seasons)

Sekaiichi Hatsukoi

Gakuen Heaven

Dramatical Murder (POTATO DOGGO)

Super Lovers UGH

idk Gravitation and all that other crappy BL I don’t have the patience to list

GIMME THE TRASH NOW: problematic as all hell but i sure ain’t complainin b/c i’m gay ass trash

Netsuzou Trap (NTR)

Riddle Story of Devil

Love to Lie Angle

if you ever wanted a generic ass harem comedy except with a potato girl instead of a potato guy, here’s that compressed into 3 minutes

Citrus

Corpse Party wwww

Gakuen Handsome FITE ME

NOT TOUCHING THIS HORNET’S NEST WITH A TEN FOOT POLE: pls,,,, save me from the Disk Horse

Sound! Euphonium

One of these days I might organize this a lil better. Maybe if/when Tumblr figures out how to make editing not a pain in the ass

[identitycris1s]

so this is the new year

im finally taking time to sit down and reflect on the past few months. the new year came and went and its been a bit of a whirlwind. i suppose i’ll just go by chronological order cos i dont really know how to start...also i dont think im an abstract thinker so really my life isnt ordered by “themes” or “lessons” or whatever but i sort of think of it in terms of events and the epiphanies or lessons that flow therefrom. this is probably just gonna be a stream of consciousness exposition cos im lazy to organise my thoughts and this is basically my journal so WHATEVER!

November

X told me he liked me and asked me out. i was shocked. but sort of saw it coming (what else could “r u free after lunch, i have some stuff to say” mean...LOL). i reacted awkwardly - distinctly remember saying “huh..what does that MEAN!!!” (LOL) i told him i would think about it but could probably only give him an answer after part b was over. 

tbh this was probably just me stalling for time. i think instinctively i knew that i didnt see him in that way, but he seemed to tick so many boxes in terms of who i was “supposed” to be with - that sounds dumb, but what i mean is he’s a steadfast christian, a good boy, similar values, similar tastes in music / movies / books, same bloody industry LOL...

also he seemed really serious about it - ermmm he brought up marriage on that first day :0 ok i suppose thats unfair and it sounds insane without context - he said it with reference to how dating is always with a view to marriage which i do agree with but yes it was a lot to absorb in one conversation. and then he cracked out this book about dating and marriage and i was like woah. so, given how much thought he seemed to have put into this (he also said he chatted with his CG leader about me yikes) i felt obliged to at least think it through properly and give myself some time to consider rather than immediately rejecting him. 

and so i mulled it over whilst studying for part b. he was overseas for a while towards the end of my studying period (ie when i was freaking out the most and generally being a headless chicken) and this probably contributed to me feeling like i liked him more than i really did hmm wonder what this says about me. i like to feel like someone’s out of my reach i suppose. so fucked up lol! and so during this period we were texting everyday and i would look forward to his replies and he was a real source of comfort during that stressful period and i never told him this and i probably never will. 

December

exams were over and i had to face D DAY!! so i went to meet him to give him my answer and honestly even on that day i didnt know what my answer was. we met at BTM and he literally had written down a list of things to talk about and i think in that moment i knew this probably wouldnt work out. hes so damn thoughtful about every little thing and he thinks everything through and even though he seems to think he “doesnt take things too seriously” I THINK HE DOES...and i really dont...so i felt that showed how incompatible we were. its not a bad thing to be thoughtful. its just that i felt so pressured by how seriously he was taking things...i thought “trying this out” would be casual and chill and we would just hang out as if we were friends but with this overarching agenda of potentially being together but no his conception of “trying things out” is much more intense and serious and thought out and in his words “intentional”. which i realised is some christian dating jargon haha.

dinner was normal until he cracked out that list i was talking about. then he started talking about what he wanted out of a relationship and asked me what i wanted out of a relationship. like it was a damn interview. you know what, im saying this in a really condescending tone and i wouldnt ever be this hurtful if i knew he was gonna read this - in fact i really do think this kind of approach would suit many people and perhaps a more emotionally well adjusted person would think this was normal but i felt so bombarded and i really didnt know what to say in response. so i blurted out some nonsense about wanting to be with someone who was God fearing and “kind and compassionate” and “ambitious” LMAO...what bullshit (that last one i mean). and he had clearly thought out his answers a lot more and he went on a whole spiel about wanting to be with someone who could stand on their own as a christian and who he didnt have to “drag along” on their walk with God and i was like ok cool but i think im not that...im not what youre looking for...but of course i didnt say this. idk why. maybe i enjoy being wanted and sought after and i didnt want to shatter his illusion that i was what he was looking for, even though i was kinda seeing that he wasnt what i was looking for.

anyway, being the shitty person i am, i told him it wasnt a no but it wasnt a straight out yes either i.e. i would be willing to try with a view to potentially saying yes. and we left it at that. but even as i said bye to him that night i kinda knew this wasnt gonna work...but i wanted it to! i wanted to like him! i want to be the kind of person who can accept love from a well adjusted person who’s not afraid to be real and to take things seriously...but i suppose i have some emotional growth to work on...or is it perfectly valid for me to not want to be with him? tbh i never found him attractive (physically or even personality wise oops) - he doesnt make me laugh, hes kinda too uptight, he doesnt get my jokes (i have to be like “JUST KIDDING” a lot of the time..ded) but somehow we worked as friends. but to be with someone requires something more than just working as friends doesnt it?? ack

so we met a few times in dec (i think we went on four or five “dates” in total...im so reluctant to call them dates cos throughout i just couldnt see him in that light, but thats what they were i think) and through the course of our interactions i started picking up on things that i didnt like about him / about our interactions. this sounds awfully petty and i dont wanna be mean about this cos im sure i have MANY MANY MANY flaws that one could nit pick but these were just some signs that we would not work (quite apart from my lack of physical attraction to him)

1. our conversations always end up argumentative. i think this probably stems from both of us being law students and so whenever we disagree on something we both cant seem to fucking let it go. i distinctly remember one stupid conversation, i shall put it here (not verbatim but this is the gist of it)

X: what are your new years resolutions?

S: i dont like making new years resolutions because they always end up in disappointment because i never stick to them. 

X: but disappointment isnt always a bad thing because you can learn from it and improve from there

S: yes but that doesnt mean disappointment isnt a bad thing - cos disappointment in itself is bad (like duh the feeling of disappointment is bad) but what comes after disappointment can be good or bad i.e. you can choose to work on yourself and improve or you can wallow in the disappointment.

-some more argument and confusion about what we are even talking about-

S: ok lets not argue on this its a semantic point. 

X: is it semantic? its not semantic.

S: it is semantic. we are disagreeing on what the word disappointment means. i think it is necessarily negative but you are saying that disappointment isnt always negative because of what can come after but i think thats sidestepping the point of disappointment being negative in itself.

do you see what i mean. what kind of petty argument is this? whats the damn point? of course im definitely not blameless in this at all. i perpetuate it. but what im saying is i feel like talking to him brings out this argumentative side of me that im not a fan of. also its fucking exhausting haha.

2. he is so. fucking. serious. every conversation involves some heavy thing like spirituality or self evaluation or Godliness etc. which i suppose is good but i just found it tiring...why cant things be light? why cant things be fun? why do we always have to talk about *important* or *weighty* things? tbh i think he sorta compartmentalises me as a friend whom he can talk about these *weighty* things with cos im also a christian and i get what hes saying when he talks about God but i dont want to only talk about that...

3. we dont have similar senses of humour. i dont think he thinks im funny...but i think im bloody funny ok haha also i dont think im deluded on this? my friends think im funny too? yeah i think its a major problem that we cant really laugh together...hes not someone that makes me laugh at all :( 

ok enough bashing X haha i really do think hes a great person we are just NOT compatible romantically.

ANYWAYS! sometime in dec i also met up w SM for the first time in aaaages. but things were like normal again. sounds stupid but i think ill always think of him as the one who got away LOL....emotionally unavailable and not interested in me?? IM DOWN! haha. ok hes not emotionally unavailable tbh i probably was more emotionally unavailable in the course of our friendship but he defo never really expressed any interest in me other than always hanging out one on one but that doesnt really count for anything does it. anyways! he told me about his BTO plans and im honestly v happy for him :) friends r growing up and moving on in life mang..

sad part was i dropped avo toast on my new everlane pants and that honestly ruined my day lol

January

NYE was spent w S and some of her friends plus R and A (who went home after dinner cos of family drama lmao angie is siao) - we went to AL’s fam friends party at fullerton for countdown and the fireworks were amaaaazing, lasted about an hour (which made us question the budget allocation on this tbh isnt it a bit of a waste?? fireworks are insanely expensive??) and we promptly went home after the clock struck 12 which was perfect haha i have no stamina to stay out late anymore. 

work started on 2 jan! its been fun tbh - back with the trainees and meeting some new people and using my brain again. i like feeling useful and being stuck in a routine...at least for now haha. check in on me in about 3 months and we’ll see. 

and....i finally mustered up the courage to tell X the truth ie i didnt see this going anywhere and we should just be friends. we had kind of an awkward dinner (i could feel myself being rude to him and being dismissive etc but i think it could partially be attributed to me being tired from work..but mostly cos i didnt wanna be with him!! as a romantic partner!! it felt wrong!) and so i told him after dinner otw to the mrt (funny, we always have these convos otw to the mrt haha). he said he understood and he sort of felt it coming. and i felt bad - he mustve picked up on my coldness and rudeness over text and in our meetings also...why am i like this. i shouldve been up front with him on the first day. but i didnt know!!! i didnt know for sure this is how i felt. ahhh well u live and u learn right. next time ill be better at this. hope theres a next time LOL God pls send me someone whos right for me

ok bye for now! this was a lengthy post haha

[landofwordsandfrogs]

FUCK IT ITS ALMOST ELEVEN PM AND IM GOING TO ASNWER THIS SHIT

i love oc stuff and have no idea how to change this bold back to normal. anyway

LETS ANSWER QUESTIONS ABOUT AGNES CARDOSO, FROM AUDAZ !

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

naw, but she is v close w her cousing armando. she basically raised him. <3

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

her mom and dad died when she was seven. her father was a v bland, calm person, and mostly she slept on him and watched silly tv together. her mother was louder, more excited and demanding. agnes had a lot of live up to, was demanded a lot from her mom, but overall felt like she could do it and wanted to do it and shed make her proud!

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

when she was seven, agnes was Hanging Out with aunt gabi when they got a call and aunt gabi, who never knew how to act with children, just took agnes with her. when they arrived at the place and agnes got out of the car, she saw both her parents dead and bloody in the street, along with another woman and two boys, while a crying vampire sat in the middle of all this. he begged her aunt to kill him, and she did.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

hmmmm. her cellphone would be in her pocket, cept its perpetually GLUED to her hand instead. pack of cigarettes and lighter. wallet, keys to her bike.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

agnes has like crazy insomnia, doesnt rly remember dreams and stuff. mostly about vampires, and blood, and killing vampires, and not being able to wash the blood off her hands.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

oh boy. yes agnes has about a million guns and shoots them a lot, bc shes a vampire hunter. first target was a feral vampire.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

naw. being part of an olden Hunting Family that basically runs an entire town gives a person TREMENDUOUS financial security.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

more clothing. agnes’ jacket is her armor.

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

well, when she was seven, and she saw her parents dead on the hot alphalt. nothing would ever get to her while mommy and daddy were with her, except something did.

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

well. agnes state of being is Stress, so. when she was < 7 yo ?? rofl

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

not rly. its just that she cant get it out of her hands. its everywhere. she tries to wash it away, she does.

Does your character remember names or faces easier?

both? neither? agnes is perpetually surrounded by a bunch of people from the family and the city and her subordinates and the visiting Families and the neighboring Nest of vampires, so sheS GOTTA remember people.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

naw, see financial security above. mostly agnes has her jacket and her boots and her bike. shes got an entire wing inside the House but its very spartan. mostly empty. she doesnt have time to go out and buy things, much less decoration, doesnt have time for hobbies. in the beginning and middle of the story anyway

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

iddealize? happiness. success is her middle name; shes the second of the cardoso hunting family and extremely competent; if the position werent by blood, she’d become head in the future anyway. but happiness?

agnes is unhappy. its something that she knows she wont achieve.

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

aw man idk. doesnt strike me as much of a “carries plushie around” child or anything

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

hm. wisdom? ambition is cool, but mostly she feels like people can do what they want if they put enough effort in it. but shes extremely aggravated by slow or non-practical people, so i guess. wisdom ? so

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

ah. ags is like. Extremely Practical. will argue incessantly forever when she thinks shes right, of course this is the right thing to do. also, she tends to take responsability for everything. everything. if the sun explodes agnes will be out in the backyard watching the explosion thikning, but i could have done something i should have noticed the sun was shining differently i should have tried to evacuate people etc etc etc

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

compare? agnes doesnt compare herself to much, cept maybe her aunt, who she thinks is too dramatic and should be more practical like her so things would run more smoothly

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

takes responsabilty for everything even things that were literally impossibe for her to be at fault or know about at all.

What does your character like in other people?

she lieks people who understand her quielty and dont crowd her. she likes people who dont dance around stuff. she likes people who make things seem a little simpler, life a little less heavy.

What does your character dislike in other people?

being too dramatic. being prejudiced pricks. being too violent.

How quick is your character to trust someone else?

shell trust people with what theyve proven to her they can be trusted, no less no more.

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

everyone is kinda sketchy until they prove themselves somehow. id say shes loyal to people who prove themselves to her, but honestly people are more loyal to her than she to them.

How does your character behave around children?

is never really around them? is friendly, tries to be nice? ultimately doesnt much know what to do. 

How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

shes the boss and youll do what shes fucking telling you to do.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

they get a warning that a punch is coming, and then a punch will come.

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

nothing, really. agnes grew knowig that she’d be head after her mother, and then after her mom died she knew shed be the head after her aunt.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

huh. ok, one thing i dont know.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

its evening and shes in beatrices house. theres sunlight, and a breeze, and bia is planting flowers or collecting her berries or pulling out weeds. agnes is sitting by the big tree. their dogs are around them. theres nothing too pressing demanding that they go out and do things for a moment.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

uncomfortable? hm. having to pretend to be Hetero

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

defensive and willing to improve. she did the right thing and youre wrong and now shes going to do an even better thing and youll be even wronger.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

you move on. you move on and on and on until something works, because something will have to work, and we’ll have to deal until we get there.

How does your character behave around people they like?

nicknames. dry humor. smokes in their faces. being quiet in the same room.

How does your character behave around people they dislike?

depends. if its some subordinate or something like that, she wont hide. be better. she wants more from you, and youre an asshole. if it someone more “Important”, shell be polite, but mostly monosyllabic.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

uh, neither? as i said, status is kinda garanteed. kinda. and honor? she knows shes a black sheep. shes got too different beliefs from everyone around her. all she can do is what she can do, and it will have to be enough.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

The problem will leave because she has no time for this shit.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

do feral vampires count. shes been bitten by them several times. many scars

How does your character treat people in service jobs?

politely. theyre doing their jobs, which is something she respects. everyones got a job to do.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

you must earn it, and even then you might not get it, and you have to live with this.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

well, theres her uncle-by-marriage uncle al? so i gues him. he and her aunt took care of her after her parents died.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

SPOILER ALERT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yep in epilogue she kinda adopts two teens, a 15 yo and a 16 yo. kinda. mostly they live w her and bia and theyre more or less reponsible fo them.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

she doest say it without meaning it bc whats the point? doesnt feel the need to say it all that much, isnt a very touchy or romantic person. shell say if the person asks, or is the person says that they’d like to hear it more or smth.

What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

life starts and ends and that is that, and we have to do what we can while we are here.

[anonymoustalks]

The thing is society dosen't really care for men and even many me don't seem to care for men, it's like both men and women never care about men's problems

(6-20-20) You both like Feminism.

You: hiyo

Stranger: Hi

You: what's on your mind?

Stranger: Many things.

You: mhm, anything that you want to talk about?

Stranger: Yours?

You: religion

You: my last conversation was about religion

Stranger: The feminist cult religion?

You: nope, I was on the religion tag

Stranger: Okay.

Stranger: I'm so not religious lol

You: is there a word for anti-feminist?

You: I'm not religious either

Stranger: There is, it is anti-feminist.

Stranger: That's it lol

You: it's a dull word

Stranger: Or anti-feminism.

You: so you are anti-feminism?

Stranger: I don't know but i don't support feminism and i hate most feminiets, the majority of feminists are scum and extremists.

You: mhm I support feminism

Stranger: Well good for you at least you know what you want.

You: mhm and you don't know what you want?

Stranger: I do but i cannot get it.

You: oh what exactly do you want?

Stranger: I want a boyfriend. I am gay.

You: ahh gl with that

Stranger: Gl?

You: good luck

You: where are you from?

Stranger: So do you fund feminists groups?

Stranger: America

You: mhm I donated once to the HRC

You: which supports both lgbt and feminism

Stranger: What's hrc?

You: human rights campaign

Stranger: Ohh

You: I donated 20 dollars to them and then they didn't stop calling me

Stranger: You donated to help what?

Stranger: Why didnt they stop calling you?

You: well if you donate once you're listed as a potential donor

You: so then they keep calling you hoping you'll donate again

Stranger: Yikes!

Stranger: So what did you do?

You: I think it's kind of common

You: I just said I wasn't going to donate

Stranger: What do they use your money for?

You: it's like your typical phone canvasing

You: colleges and univesities do that too

Stranger: I see.

You: they're an advocacy and lobbying group

You: so I think you'd probably dislike them

Stranger: What do they advocate for?

Stranger: It's okay, we're just having a convo.

You: oh that lobby for the passage of pro-lgbt bills in congress

You: *they lobby

Stranger: Are you from america?

You: yes

You: like big industries like guns and pharma all have lobbies in congress -- which means they spend millions to convince politicians to vote a certain way

You: for like other things, the money that goes to lobbying comes from ordinary ppl

Stranger: What's your opinion on metoo and the believeallwomen hashtag?

You: mhmm

Stranger: I mean woudn't you say metoo is toxic?

You: yeah I would say there are circumstances that it is kinda toxic

You: but I think it's important to speak out if you get sexually harrassed

You: there's a long history in the us of women staying silent

Stranger: I do and i would to but that does not justify accusing someone of rape when they did not do it.

Stranger: 2 wrongs don't make a right.

You: mhm, what percentage of people #metoo-ing do you think are lying?

Stranger: I'm saying we shoudn't believe all women cause the stats say 2% to 10% of women lie about rape.

Stranger: I can't even imagine how many more men might have been falsely imori

Stranger: Imprisoned for something they never did.

You: sure, although I think it's good that these 90-98% of women who aren't lying are speaking up now

You: a majority of rape cases are dismissed

You: overwhelming majority

Stranger: I'm not saying they shoudn't cause they should but we need solid evidence before accusing someone of being a rapist

You: sure

You: although I think everyone should have the right to speak their story

Stranger: If anyone tries to rape me of course i would speak up in a heartbeat.

You: I think some companies may overreact in some circumstances to firing someone who get's #metoo'd

You: but I think people should be able to speak up and say it happened

Stranger: Because of false accusations men have killed themeselves and entered years in prison.

You: I mean the imprisonment thing I think that's just not true

You: so few accusations ever lead to prison time

You: I think you could say many men have lost their jobs

Stranger: Are you sure?

You: yup, I'm sure

Stranger: There is news on it.

Stranger: Men have told their stories.

Stranger: Search on youtube

You: yeah, but if they're convicted by a trial and jury, that legitimately means there was like evidence

You: like a dna test or sperm or things like that

You: us courts do not convict without evidence

Stranger: I dont know about that i mean people always see to believe women even without evidence

You: mhm, but the legal system hasn't changed in the US at all

You: I think more ppl are concerned about their employers believe claims and getting fired from their jobs

Stranger: I heard stories where men spent many years for a rape they did not do

You: yes, but you can't get convicted unless there is some evidence that convinces the jury

You: sometimes there can be bad evidence though

You: but it's the same thing of ppl going to prison for murder they didn't commit

You: a rape charge is very serious in the US, and you can't get convicted without serious evidence

Stranger: The jury can just call anything evidence whether it is real or not.

You: mhm idk, it can be sometimes hard to argue dna tests and stuff like that

Stranger: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3DO5yrFOX5vh0&ved=2ahUKEwjuhr7l15HqAhWs63MBHVavCq8Qo7QBMAN6BAgCEAE&usg=AOvVaw2Nj1O1PtJHVUDh-T9RW6Bq

Stranger: Maybe you should watch this video, of you want to that is.

You: but again, a lot of ppl support abolishing the death penalty, because there are times when the justice system convicts the wrong ppl

You: but this isn't a problem seen just in rape cases in general

You: it happens with murder convictions and other crimes

You: rape doesn't get special treatment in us courts

Stranger: But why are there so many men in prison for a rape they did not commit then?

You: mhm..... idk, you will have to look up statistics for that

Stranger: Okau

Stranger: Okay

Stranger: Are you like a liberal btw?

You: yup

Stranger: A hillary supporter?

You: lol hillary isn't running

Stranger: I know but you voted for her?

You: versus trump lol?

You: of course

Stranger: Is it true that all feminists believe men have it much easier than women?

Stranger: I just don't see how anyone could think that.

You: well I don't really think that's the case

You: I think each gender has its problems

Stranger: I sometimes feel ny life would be easier if i was a woman.

You: mhm how so?

Stranger: Well i feel like i woudn't be told to man up

You: right

Stranger: People would be more concerned about my mental help

Stranger: I think people woudn't be so hard on me

You: mhm I think it's bad that you had to go through all those things

Stranger: I always felt like the female gender is the privileged gender.

You: idk I think for me it's hard to say one gender is more "privileged" than the other

You: but for me, I think about women who can't get a promotion because her boss thinks she will get pregnant

Stranger: You're entitled to your opinion, i am not trying to change your mind. Just sharing my views.

You: mhm totally

You: you are too

You: so I think there are challenges in different areas

You: and I think society should work together to improve issues experienced by both genders

Stranger: The thing is society dosen't really care for men and even many me don't seem to care for men, it's like both men and women never care about men's problems

Stranger: The suicide rate of men is so high and that upsets me everyday.

You: I think society should care for men, and we should change culture so that society does

Stranger: People still believe me cannot get raped.

You: a lot of ppl tell me that feminists want to "emasculate" men when we say that we should encourage it so that it's more acceptable for men to talk about their feelings

You: and express feelings and talk about their emotions

Stranger: If a woman rapes a man then people think it's not possible and that pisses me off.

You: yeah rape can happen to anybody

You: you were raped? :c

Stranger: No but i am worried about the men who did get raped.

You: mhm

Stranger: I just want to prevent men from getting raped.

You: rape is bad, and I think it's important to look at what we can do to improve it

Stranger: Men are usually less likely to speak up if they are being raped or sexually assaulted.

You: right

You: I think men should speak up

You: or I think we should make the culture acceptable for that

Stranger: I want them to but society also needs to advocate for them.

You: mhm, yup

You: sexual violence hurts everybody involved

Stranger: I know.

You: but yeah, if it's important to you, have you thought about getting involved?

Stranger: I dont know how to

Stranger: Maybe i should join the mens rights

You: well there are rape crisis hotlines for women, maybe you can find one for men?

You: or start one for men?

Stranger: How much would that even cost?

You: most of them are run by volunteers

You: it's basically a phone number

You: and you organize a group of ppl to pick up the phone

Stranger: What is the phone number?

You: I think it depends on the area you're from

Stranger: Oh okay maybe i will try to find out

You: the trevorproject is the lgbt suicide hotline

You: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

You: you can get trained to volunteer for them and answer the phone

Stranger: So anyways are you married?

You: nope

Stranger: Oh okay

Stranger: How old are you?

You: 26 you?

Stranger: I probably will never get married..

Stranger: 23

You: mhm why not?

Stranger: Well i am gay so i dont think i can get married lol

You: are in the US?

You: it's legal in a bunch of states now

You: supreme court also ruled on anti-discrimination too

Stranger: Not that marriage in essential anyways especially if we consider.how many people get divorced after marriage.

You: mhm if you don't want to get married I can understand that oo

Stranger: I mean marriage was always between a man and a woman so i don't know if.it is really marriage.

You: are you from a conservative state?

Stranger: I mean are there any religions who have same sex marriage?

You: idk, I'm not religious, so for me marriage is a secular union

Stranger: I am not either but marriage was created by religious people.

Stranger: Even though i am not religious i believe in a spiritual world, don't laugh lol

You: no it's fine, I understand

Stranger: Do you believe in the supernatural?

You: I think in a lot of the non-religious countries, or atheist countries, marriage still happens. Maybe the meaning has changed

You: not really

Stranger: Oh okay. So you believe in science only? I believe in both science and the supernatural

You: mhm I guess you could say I lean more towards science

You: maybe I believe in a soul, idk

Stranger: Ok

Stranger: Oh ya do you want to talk about abortion?

You: sure haha ^^

You: do you have strong feelings?

Stranger: Like what strong feelings?

You: some people have very strong opinions about abortion

Stranger: Ya i kinda do

Stranger: Why?

You: pro-life?

You: no just curious, mine are less strong

Stranger: Well i don't join groups so no but i don't like killing a fetus either

You: mhm

You: is there a particular point in pregnancy that you think abortion should be illegal?

Stranger: A fetus is still the child of that mother and father.

Stranger: I think abortion always be illegal unless maybe there are a few exceptions like if the mother will ide

Stranger: *die*

You: have you ever heard of plan b?

You: the birth control pill?

Stranger: No i have not

You: it's the day after pill

You: technically you can think of that as a kind of abortion too

You: since you're aborting the day after

You: sex

Stranger: I dont know about those birth control thingies

Stranger: I dont have a lot of knowledge on many things

You: oh

Stranger: Lol

You: it takes a long time for the fetus to form

You: many states have laws on what point it should be illegal to abort

You: because early on it's like microscopic

Stranger: I really need someone to teach me things i want to learn

Stranger: I think if the sperm meets the ovum and becomes one then isn't that already a life?

You: it depends on how you see it essentially

Stranger: Do you support abortion?

You: yup, up to a limit

Stranger: If i was a woman i would never abort my baby.

You: mhm I don't think I would abort either

You: but I think it's important to have a right to choose to extent

You: having a baby is a life-changing event

Stranger: I believe abortion is murder, even in the early stages i would never abort my baby.

You: mhm

You: I was talking about weeks because at certain weeks the fetus is at a different size

You: like by week 6 it's like the size of a grain of rice

Stranger: I know it is a life changing event but murder is never the answer

Stranger: So you are counting the value of your child by it's size? :(

Stranger: I a

You: mhm well, I think there's a certain point when the fetus develops a heart or a brain

You: and takes its first heartbeat

You: I think for me, before it has developed to that point

You: I mean, in a way, every sperm cell has the potential to become a baby

You: and same with every egg in menstruation

You: so for me internally, I guess we all have a point when we consider life to have started

Stranger: But i dont think sperm is the same thing as a embryo or fetus

You: mhm but the day after fertilization, it's basically just an egg with extra dna

You: from the sperm

Stranger: Are we all a sperm and a ovum according to science?

Stranger: I am curious.

You: mhm in a sense, yeah

You: there's no brain

You: so it's not thinking

Stranger: So you and i are sperms and ovums?

You: well I mean, we've grown a lot

You: I think it's unethical to kill a fetus with a beating heart and brain

Stranger: That's weird cause i never felt like a sperm and ovum

You: because I think at a certain point life has started

You: and I believe the baby has started to feel things

You: lol you wouldn't remember being a zygote (the sperm+ovum)

Stranger: What stage at birth do you think the soul enters the body.

You: mhm somewhere in between heartbeating and having a brain I think

Stranger: I know but it is hard to imagine i was ever a sperm and ovum.

You: yeah but we all started that way

Stranger: What if it was even before that? Then it would be murder :(

Stranger: But it is so weird to think of it

You: I mean, like when ppl have sex there's millions of sperm

You: if it was a different one that fertilized the egg

You: in a sense you could be someone else

You: or when a guy masturbates, those are all potential babies

Stranger: Ya but without the ovum there is no baby

Stranger: And without the sperm there is also no baby

Stranger: So we are 2 parts merged into one? That is creepy

You: lol is it?

You: I guess it's just nature

Stranger: So i am 2 beings in 1?

You: mhm you are you

You: you know another weird thing?

You: so our skin is constantly dying

Stranger: What?

You: like we shed

You: dead skin

Stranger: Ya i know that

You: how long do you think it takes before all of our skin is replaced?

Stranger: Maybe a few years?

You: yeah idk

You: sometimes I think its weird that our body now is totally different from our body a couple years ago

You: like not even the same cells

Stranger: But then why do i still have my scars?

Stranger: Why didn't my scars go away?

You: scars are like dead tissue

You: so when your skin grows, it grows around them

Stranger: Oh. Well that upsetting that they wont go away anytime soon

Stranger: I just thought since scars that arent so deep should go away since they are on the surface of my skin

You: mhm yeah idk

You: how did you get them?

Stranger: I got scratched my sharp things i guesd?

You: oh

Stranger: But some of them are not really that deep at all

Stranger: Yet the marks are still on my fingers

You: mhm

Stranger: What is mhm?

You: oh, it's just a sound of agreeing

Stranger: Are you planing to get married?

You: maybe

You: I think I will probably get going

You: it was nice talking to you

Stranger: Ok

You: bye, I wish for the best

Stranger: Where will you be going?

You: hm? maybe clean a little

Stranger: Ok bye

You: bye

You have disconnected.