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atinylittlepain · 5 months

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Part Two

no outbreak!joel miller x f!oc

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joel miller masterlist

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She's tired. He's tired. They're neurotic. They're in love. Something needs to change. They need to change.

word count | 5.1k

chapter content info | 18+ little angst, couples counseling, just two tired people trying to figure out the tangle of their relationship together

a/n | part two is here, and i'd just like to say thank you to everyone being so kind about the first part - i know this isnt the usual peepaw fare, so thanks for giving her a chance - and also big thank you to @wannab-urs for beta-ing this bad boy <3

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This is not a failure. She is not failing. They are not failing. Every Thursday at four o’clock she shuts her laptop and locks her office and stops in the bathroom at work, silently repeats these things to herself in her mind while she rubs her fingers at smudged mascara in the bathroom mirror. Like a mantra, though she’s not sure she’s fully bought into it yet. Because the truth is, she has had plenty of conversations with plenty of girlfriends that, really, they shouldn’t have been having about other girlfriends, not in the room with us girlfriends who, did you hear, started going to therapy and, did you hear, started going to therapy with their, oh no, husbands. Yes, she has been the bitch who has made jokes about death knells and a marriage’s last gasp for breath, jokes about the husband having the emotional range of a goldfish, and the wife being so up the husband’s ass she should give him a colonoscopy while she’s at it. She’s not really making jokes like those anymore.

She’s not supposed to be doing what she’s doing this Thursday at four o’clock. When they first went to Vicky (LMFT, for the record) her fundamental decree had been a period of full separation. Sixteen years, she had asked, and they had nodded, and she had said whoa boy, yeah, y’all need to back off each other before we do anything else. If Paula Dean had a penchant for self-help instead of butter, she’d be something like Vicky. And so, with all the care of a drill sergeant delivering commands, or a mechanic running a diagnostic on a fucked-up car, Vicky had told them how this is going to go. An apartment, she said, don’t care which one of you lives in it. Minimal contact between sessions, right, keep it civil, right, this isn’t for forever, right. So Joel got an apartment, and Tommy helped him move all the furniture in the basement with admittedly minimal, but still present, wariness, and for the last four weeks they’ve been doing everything their beloved herr-therapist tells them. She supposes it’s working, although you can’t really do much fighting when you only see the other person for ninety minutes every Thursday so, the results might be confounded, actually.

“Hey there.” Hey there? What the fuck, what the actual fuck. He doesn’t think he’s ever said those words to her, ever, maybe not to anyone actually. He feels a little insane, a little itchy under the skin, mouth full of cotton, brain too, because they’re not supposed to be doing this, not really. The first time she’s seen the apartment, or, well, the doorway of the apartment, doesn’t really seem interested in stepping further inside, running her curled palm up and down the strap of her purse and right, not here for that. He shuts the door behind him and then they’re on their way to therapy because it’s four o’clock on Thursday and this is what they do now at four o’clock on Thursday.

“Thanks again. I didn’t think my car would still be in the shop today.”

“Oh of course, you said it’s a transmission leak?”

“Yeah, the bad, expensive kind that’s above my paygrade. Guy said they’re still waiting on a part for it.”

“Well I’m off work tomorrow if you need a ride anywhere.”

“Vicky’ll get pissed.”

“If she finds out. Are you gonna tell on me to Vicky?” It’s a joke, they can joke, right? She laughs a little on the end of her words to make it clear, hey, it’s a joke, awkward and out of touch and unsure of what the rules are. But he offers a breath of a laugh, at least, fine, it’s fine, they’re fine, and now they’re silent driving to Vicky’s office.

Should he ask her how her week has been? If the kitchen sink is still leaking? He’s not sure. Not sure about any of it, really. Every week, Vicky asks them how they think they’re doing and Cass doesn’t even hesitate. Good, she says. Not fine, not okay, but good, usually with a sure, terse nod. It takes him a little longer to find the right word to describe how he’s doing. Not sure about that either, but it’s definitely not good. Some things are better, sure, easier not to argue when under foot, easier not to remember all the ghosts they’ve built up around themselves. But at the most basic level, he misses her, even misses arguing with her, in a perpetual state of missing something, walking around and wondering if he left his wallet at home, or if he remembered to call a client about a new build, wondering if he’s missing something essential, a limb or an organ he didn’t know about. No, none of that. Missing something else.

“You’re not wearing your ring.” She flexes her left hand over the steering wheel in response, her very bare ring finger making him feel a quick pinch of something he’ll call anger, though it’s probably something else entirely.

“No, Vicky advised I try not wearing it during the separation.”

“Why the fuck would she tell you to do that?”

“Joel.”

“I’m just asking.”

“You’re swearing.”

“Well, why didn’t she say the same thing to me?”

“Maybe because I told her this is how you would react.”

“I think I’m having a pretty normal reaction to it, actually.”

“It’s not a big deal. It’s just for now.”

“Right.”

“It is.”

“Seems like a strange thing to advise someone to do when they’ve been married for nearly two decades.” She parks outside of the office complex that Vicky works in, lets out a long sigh through her nose and doesn’t spare him a glance as she reaches around to the backseat and pulls her purse up front, producing her ring from somewhere deep inside of it and sliding it back on her finger.

“There, are you happy now?”

“Why the hell were you keeping it in your purse?”

“Oh my god, really?”

“That’s a real easy way to lose it is all I’m saying.” The truth is, she’s been keeping it in her purse in order to have easy access to it. Like a pulsepoint, sometimes she just needs to know it’s there, reaching into her purse underneath her desk and yep, still there, still okay. Sometimes she doesn’t get through a whole day without putting it back on. Like reflex, like ghost limb aching. But she’s not about to tell him that.

“Do not bring this up with Vicky.”

“Why not?”

“Because then she’ll know we drove here together.”

“You’re that worried about what Vicky thinks?”

“She’s our therapist, I’m a healthy and appropriate amount worried about what Vicky thinks.”

“You know she’s not the arbiter of marriage just because she has a couple of degrees, right?”

“Really, the arbiter of marriage?”

“Are you doing that thing you do, is that what this is?”

“What thing?”

“Cass.”

“What thing?”

“Are you trying to win therapy?” Fuck him. No, really, fuck him. He’s doing that thing, his thing to her thing, half a smile in the passenger’s seat like he’s got her. Awful, of course he’s got her, smug and sure in his getting her. She doesn’t answer his question, knowing that her silence is an answer in and of itself and not really caring because they have therapy, damn it, and it’s going to be his fault if they’re late to therapy, damn it.

“You know, I’m starting to see why Vicky told us no carpooling to sessions.” Slammed shut, he sighs when she gets out of the car, thinking idly to himself that yes, he doesn’t necessarily disagree with that commandment of their therapist either. At the very least, Cass’ ring is still on her finger. He tried a few times in the past to get her something new, something nicer than the gold band he had given her when they were still young and still not able to afford much of anything, but sure enough in each other to want to keep doing it, all of it, together. No, she would tell him, doesn’t want anything other than the gold band. What she doesn’t know is that he pawned his grandfather’s watch and an electric saw for the ring the shop owner kept in a padlocked display case. Twenty-six years old, and looking back, he thinks he would have sold a whole lot more just to get it for her.

He used to call her pearl. Something about grit that would make her roll her eyes and ask him what late night National Geographic TV special he got that line from, all the while inwardly swooning because sure, she had been baby before, babe, an errant sweetheart even, but pearl was new, and tooth-decayingly sweet. And when he proposed, Sarah bouncing around them like a manic cupid, Cassandra made an ugly sound somewhere between a laugh and a cry, little black velvet box and a ring that was more signet than wedding, simple and gold and a single pearl set in the center of it. Her hands clasped, she runs the pad of her finger over her ring, wordless and worrying it on the elevator ride up to Vicky’s office.

Vicky has a thing for lamps and art prints of naked women. Her waiting room is a little dim, no windows, green velveteen loveseat and two high-backed wooden chairs that they always take when they get here, his eyes scanning over the coffee table laden with back-ordered Psychology Today magazines, headlines about overcoming anxiety and exercising your way out of depression. There had been one about postpartum depression somewhere in the pile the last time they came, but he had made a point of hanging back after Cass left, some excuse about checking an insurance thing with Vicky, though what he really did was pluck out that magazine and throw it away in the men’s restroom down the hall. One less thing to worry about, at the least.

“Hi, you two, come on back.” The sessions always start the same. Vicky asks them how they think the week went, and they both offer up some iteration of fine. Vicky asks them if they’ve been upholding their phase of separation, and she answers before Joel can, pointedly not looking at him, yes, no contact between sessions. But apparently, this week is going to be different.

“We are nearing the end of the total separation phase. After this initial period of cooling off for both of you, the real work can begin.” Right, phases, because Vicky works in phases like this is some sort of military siege. He tries not to roll his eyes at the real work beginning.

“Can either of you remember the last date you went on together?”

“It would’ve been in August, right before the separation.” Cass scoffs at his answer, tilt of her head like, really?

“Tommy and Maria’s baby shower hardly counts as a date. But we did go to dinner at the end of July.”

“I don’t think your work banquet counts either.” Vicky hits them with that look, that yeah, that’s what I thought look, all raised brow and scrunched nose and nodding. Not that she is, but if she, hypothetically, were trying to win therapy, Cassandra thinks she wouldn’t be doing a great job of it right now.

“Right, well, you’ve made my point for me. It’s not unusual for people who have been together for as long as you two have to let things like this fall to the wayside. However, it can be very helpful to reestablish some of these routines. Think of it as marriage maintenance.”

“So you want us to start going on dates again?”

“Yes, but not with each other.” Did she? Did he? Hear that right? Cass is nodding like it’s the most reasonable thing in the world, like, yes, of course, this is just the solution they’ve been looking for. This time, he doesn’t hold back a laugh.

“I’m sorry, what?” Both of them look at him like, yes, keep up, please, let us explain this to you very slowly so you can keep up, please. Something about seeing what life is like outside of their marriage, testing the waters, seeing if they still like the same things without their extra marital limb, something about making a decision about their marriage, though he tunes most of that part out because, no, thanks, no new decision has been needed since he got down on one knee during that trip to Galveston, sunscreen and sticky sweet and he’s not sure if he or Sarah was more excited, but he was definitely more nervous. And Cass said yes, and then he wasn’t nervous anymore, not scared anymore, and that’s all there was to it, is to it, right? Right.

“This is the closing exercise of the total separation phase. It’s really important that you both have this opportunity to see what it’s like to be back in the dating pool. Think of it as a trial run of if you decide to make this separation–”

“No, no thanks. That’s not– we’re not those people, so, you know, we can just move onto the next phase.”

“Joel.” The mom voice of all things, and he knows for certain now that Cass is trying to win therapy, nudging her shoe into the side of his, and, come on, really? She’s really bought that hard into what Vicky’s selling? Now that, that isn’t like her, at all.

“What feelings are coming up for you right now, Joel?” She fucking hates that question, and she imagines that he does too, fingers drumming on his knee, long sigh, and she knows that look, that’s his getting ready to bolt look. Big man, big, skittish man who has accidentally nailed his fingers to house frames and hardly shed a tear. But feelings? Yeah, forget it.

“Uh, I guess I’m confused as to why that is so important for us to do. We came here to help our– to help us, not to create more problems.”

“And you think that if you and Cassandra went on dates, one date, with other people, that it would create more problems in your marriage?” Well, it’s hardly rocket science, Vicky, though judging by the way she’s speaking to him, he’s pretty sure he failed some kind of test of hers. He doesn’t particularly care.

“I imagine it’d do that to anyone’s marriage.”

“It’s just one date, it’s a part of the process.” She’s starting to get pissed, and trying very hard not to show it in front of Vicky should she get the what feelings are coming up for you treatment. When they agreed to start going to therapy, like a pair of dogs gagging down a pill, they had both agreed to put their full effort into it, and if Vicky wasn’t in the room with them currently, Cassandra would sharply remind him of that agreement.

“Maybe I should clarify the expectations around this exercise. It’s one date, preferably with people outside of your shared social circle, and it would be best if the focus is just on the date, no sexual relations.”

“Oh really, you think that’d be best?”

“Joel.” He gives her a slack and slanted look, speaking two different languages, apparently. And really, she doesn’t see what the big deal is. One date versus sixteen years is pretty obvious math for her to square up, though it doesn’t seem to be for him. But, watching him engage in psychological tennis with Vicky, some new jab dripping in sarcasm for every reassurance she tries to offer him, the realization comes to Cassandra slowly, simply. Joel is scared.

By the time they leave Vicky’s office, he feels deflated, defeated, because yes, they are, apparently, going to do this fucking exercise that fucking Vicky has fucking assigned to them, scheduled in three weeks instead of one to give them time to do this fucking exercise that fucking Vicky has fucking assigned to them.

“Can’t we just, you know, say we did it but not actually do it?”

“Are you serious right now?” Judging by the look she gives him, a quick, sharp flicker of her eyes before she focuses back on the road, he thinks he probably shouldn’t say anything else. He shouldn’t, but, well.

“Is this about pleasing Vicky, or are you just that interested in dating someone else?”

“Don’t be a child about this, Joel. It’s a therapeutic–”

“It’s bullshit is what it is. I don’t– I already know what I want, and I don’t need to go testing the waters to be sure of it. What I’m not so sure about is if you can say the same.” She can’t put her finger on anything specific, probably just a slow-building amalgamation of things. Stressful week at work, and the leaking sink getting worse, and her doctor increasing a medication dosage that’s made her body feel like something other than her body, and this fucking therapy and this fucking trying and she’s trying so hard and she feels like she’s failing and when she glances at him he looks hurt, really hurt, a close crumple in his face, deep frown, and it frustrates her because all she’s trying to do is do it right, and all she gets is this constant rhythm of resistance, this push and pull and yes, it’s all of that, all of that creeping up her throat tight and hot and curling behind her eyes sending salt pinpricks and sharp pangs. When the first sob breaks, it does so as a gasp, like a small and stunned thing in her chest. And, well, it’s never uphill from there, is it?

“Do you– do we need to pull over?”

“No, I don’t need to fucking pull over. I’m not an invalid, I can cry and drive at the same time.” Except it doesn’t come out quite like that, not smooth like that. The words get stop-started with each new shudder, new stutter, hiccuping on fucking and invalid. The world has gone to slanted stained-glass through all her tears.

Unsure what to do, but that’s nothing new. He doesn’t say anything else, watches her through the wary side of his eye, sobs turning into something more subdued, little wounded sounds high in her throat, a choice fuck you with a little more bite behind it when someone cuts her off merging onto the highway. He feels useless, feels like, maybe, this is what Vicky should be talking with them about instead of her siege on marriage plan. All he knows is that he seems to get it wrong every time, so this time, he doesn’t interject or intervene, doesn’t say any more than he already has. He lets her cry, and he lets her drive.

He doesn’t know when it happened. When he decided he was going to fix things for her, or just fix her, really. His lady in pieces and he was going to put her back together, and it seemed like every time he tried to, she just shattered a little more. That April is the obvious answer, the most shattered he had ever seen her. But the fighting had started before then, and so had the fixing that wasn’t really fixing. Like a relief, like a release, the slow realization that no, it never worked, and no, it was never going to work. The sobs turn into shivers turn into something even smaller. By the time they pull up in front of his apartment complex, it has passed.

“I just– I want to do this right, this therapy thing, and I want it to work, and I want it to work so we can be okay again. That’s what I want.” The words hang between them. He makes no move to get out of the car, and she counts her inhales in the silence, waiting for him to say something, anything. It feels like a child’s logic, or maybe a hail Mary, and she knows it, feels a little insane saying it, the words fitting strangely in her mouth. The brief wondering comes to her, what would she have said about where they are now to her girlfriends, what snark, what sharp jokes at their expense? Him in an apartment and a fifteen minute drive separating them and a woman named Vicky unraveling (and in theory, putting back together) their marriage in phases, fucking phases, and fucking Vicky. She doesn’t want to go on a date with someone else, and she doesn’t know why she’s taking Vicky’s instructions as gospel. But she does know, doesn’t she? It’s not about Vicky, not about Vicky and her fucking phases. Fixing, being fixed, that’s what she wants.

“So, you’re saying you want us to date other people in order to fix our marriage.” Grateful that she takes it for the joke he meant it as, it’s just enough to slough off some of the tension, roll of her eyes, please. They both let out a sigh, too tired for much else. But maybe, he thinks, this counts as progress, sitting here with her in the car and the sun washing everything down burnt and orange. He watches her eyes drop shut for a moment, fine lines like porcelain fissures and he loves those lines, liked catching her in the bathroom with her face pressed up close to the mirror and her fingers pulling those lines taut around her eyes, her mouth. He’d pull her hands away from her face, ask her if she was planning her halloween costume for next year, earning a scoff and a roll of her eyes and her trying to pull away from him, and he wouldn’t let her. Making it better with kisses to those lines, and eventually, her pressing her fingers as light as prayers over his, an implicit wondering, where did the time go?

“Look, if it really makes you that uncomfortable, let’s just lie to Vicky. We could still get like, an A-minus in therapy if we leave just one thing out.”

“I didn’t realize therapy came with a grade.” He smiles, all soft, and she can’t help the sheepish bloom in her chest, rolling her lips back into her mouth to hide her own grin, eventually, reluctantly, admitting in a quiet, skewed to the side voice, okay, so maybe, maybe I was doing that thing, that winning thing. He doesn’t say anything, and that’s a mercy. Just nods, of course, and of course, he knew, maybe even before she did, and is that knowing not a mercy too? She thinks it is.

“I want to do this right too, Cass. And, I mean, we’re paying Vicky enough money that we should do what she tells us to.”

“Are you saying you want to do it then?”

“Want is a strong word.”

“Okay, are you saying you’re willing to do it?”

“It’s just the one?”

“Just the one.”

“Alright, fuck it, let’s do it. We better get a goddamn A-plus at the end of this.”

“Mmm, gold stars too.” Another sigh, another settling. How nice, another sigh, another settling. It’s a strange equation, but she thinks it still adds up. Neither of them want to do this, not really, but they’re willing to, and they’re willing to because of each other. Willing to try and get it right for each other. Just, well, ignore the finer details of what getting it right entails.

“You hear from Sarah lately?”

“On Monday, yeah. Called to wish me a happy birthday.”

“Well, only off by four days, not too bad.”

“Oh no, she called on Monday because she was, and I quote, too busy the rest of the week to call.”

“Wow.”

“Right?”

“Is it bad that sometimes I kinda hate it?”

“Hate what?”

“That she’s like, a fully-formed person now. I miss the days when she was a little blob who liked holding onto me by one of my belt loops.” He has to smile, nod, because he knows exactly what she means. And the truth of it is that Sarah was so good, maybe the best, if he’s allowed to give his completely biased opinion. And the other truth, Cass is, was, one of those people simply meant to be a parent, a mother. He remembers when they first started dating, and all the exhausting maneuvering he did, getting his parents or Tommy to watch Sarah, a string of canceled dinner plans when his kid couldn’t seem to stop catching things at daycare. He was sure that Cass would lose interest every time another piece of his reality was revealed to her. After all, he was not unfamiliar with being left behind. But that never happened, she stayed every time.

It was Cass who first suggested it. Didn't want to impose, but what if, maybe we could, would it be okay if, why don’t we. They went to the zoo that weekend, if he remembers correctly, Sarah in tow, shy at first around the woman she barely knew, though she bloomed over the course of the day. Yes, he thinks, it was the zoo, because he remembers how by the end of the day, Cass had her on her hip, as easy as anything, so she could get a better view of the rhinos. He knows now that, even in those earliest days, she loved his kid just as much as she loved him. He knows now what a gift that was, and continues to be.

“She’s gonna be alright, Cass. We did good with her.” She sighs, yeah, we did. She had been worried about telling her about the whole lieutenant-LMFT thing, the whole quasi-separation thing, but that was a direct command from Vicky, letting the family know what was going on. Sarah had taken it surprisingly well when she called, could be good, mom, like a reset. Of course, they kept the worst of it away from her, and of course, she still knew something had changed, something not right between them. No one was left unscathed after that April.

From the start, loving him included loving Sarah. It was never difficult for her to do both. Sweet girl, bright like the sun girl, rounded cheeks and bouncing curls, and Cassandra found that her love for her had a particular effect on her heart. Whenever small hand reached for one of hers, whenever small face tucked into her neck, whether tear-damp or milk-tired, and eventually, whenever she was given the name mom, like a stop and restart of her heart, like something turning back on inside her and finally working right. An everything kind of love, to not only be chosen by him, but to be chosen by her too.

“Well, anyways, Vicky didn’t make any stipulations about birthdays, so I have something for you.” Just a small thing, she says, leaning over the console and into the back seat, and he knows better than to say no, shouldn’t have, because there’s already a perfect package being placed in his hands, navy blue wrapping paper and a white bow, and her hand cups underneath his for just a moment, there and gone.

The truth is she had already picked out this gift two months ago, what feels like a lifetime before this separation. Now, watching him open it, she’s a little worried it had been presumptuous of her, if not completely narcissistic. But if he thinks that, he makes no show of it, lets out a quiet laugh as he takes the watch out of the box and holds it up in the fading light to look at it.

“It’s a little sappy, maybe. But, well, we have something that kinda matches now.” Something is unfurling in his chest, heat loosening something he didn’t even realize he had been tightening up around. It’s a beautiful watch, rich leather strap and polished silver. And the face of it catches and shimmers a little in the light. He knows right away that it’s mother of pearl.

Here, she says, let me, and he does, feeling a little indulgent watching her fasten the watch around his wrist, and definitely breaking one of fucking Vicky’s fucking rules when he ducks his head down and steals a kiss, another one, letting the third deepen just a little, both of them humming because missed this, missed this, didn’t realize how much, but missed this.

“Thank you, pearly.” It feels good to be so close to him, noses brushing and smiles curling around each other. Feels like a relief.

“Happy birthday, one day ahead. We could, you know, do something tomorrow? Get dinner maybe?” Before he can answer, say yes, she’s already caught herself, sheepish smile and pulling a little further away and oh, right. She says sorry, wasn’t thinking, and they do an awkward dance around the whole thing, right, yeah, probably shouldn’t, right, yeah. He is not a hateful man, and it would be too strong to say he’d wish Vicky harm. But if something were to happen, in theory, that’d make Vicky go the fuck away, in theory, he wouldn’t be too torn up about it.

“See you next Thursday then?”

“Well, next next Thursday, because we have to do the– yeah.”

“Right, yeah.” Right, yeah, this is the part where he gets out of the car. The part where he goes up to his apartment and she drives home and they don’t eat dinner together and they don’t brush their teeth together and they don’t go to sleep together. Right, yeah. They say goodnight. He’d like to say love, but he doesn’t. She’d like to say love, but she doesn’t. And they part ways.

She hates being in this house alone. Leaves all the lights on all hours of the day and checks all the locks three times before going upstairs to bed. Passes by the closed door that remains closed with her breath held. She knows it makes no sense, but she’s been sleeping in the guestroom, makes the whole thing a little easier. Always had a tendency toward insomnia, tossing and turning brain and body.

When they were just starting to get more serious, and she was just starting to stay over at his more often, she got worried that eventually it'd drive him mad enough for the whole thing to not be worth it, neither of them getting much sleep as they learned how to share a bed together. And she doesn't remember how it started exactly, maybe out of a moment of pure exasperation, him draping just enough of his weight over her to press slower breath into her lungs and still her body. It became a routine, she'd ask could you? And he'd already know what she was asking for without her having to say any more than that. What she also doesn't remember, when that stopped working, when she stopped asking, and he stopped answering. She supposes it all happened slowly, just like the rest of it.

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dyketubbo · 2 years

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tbh for me the thing about cbeeduo is that its so like. how am i supposed to look at this dynamic and not feel insane for the rest of my life. like going along w the crushing during nlm hc ranboo fell in love w tubbo at his WORST. they saw some child president who was probably on illegal substances like half of the time with a tired face and forced grin as he got through politics he didnt understand and got insults hurled at him, comparing him to an abusive dictator as he tried to solve a trolley problem (his best friend was on one line and his country was on the other and of course he chooses majority rule but the trolley loops back around anyways and all he did was delay the inevitable) and ranboo saw some 16yr old on his last leg going on about how he felt like he was going to die soon (and hes too too close to the cliffs edge but hes grinning and its like hes really hoping death is a happy ending) and everyone was leaving him and he didnt want all this and ranboo goes follow my voice i wont leave im sorry and they fall in love with whatever virtues there are left in tubbo and decide that they would keep trying to do right by him

and then, inevitably, ranboo messes up and betrays tubbo and tubbos voice shudders and ranboo never wants to see that broken expression of disbelief again so he fights for a country even though hes been disenchanted with it for a while and hes never liked picking sides anyways (but this is tubbo, and if hes choosing tubbo its okay because he cant hurt tubbo again) and of course it falls anyways and tubbo makes a new home and tubbo makes nukes and tubbo makes a plan and then tubbo is on his knees and an axe is held to his neck and ranboo barely gets a glimpse before things are moving forward and tubbo is pressed to her side calling them minutes man again

the marriage starts out as a joke, tubbos never been rich and ranboo only gets richer and tubbo pretends its for tax benefits, hes just a golddigger, because right now its a joke and thats all hes letting it be. but then hes laughing like normal but it feels different and hes looking at the family portrait of the two and michael and hes thinking about bunk beds and he gets a mansion because hes in love at this point because ranboo was there during his worst moments and even as tubbos getting (relatively) better ranboos still there and of course tubbo forgives him because when he met ranboo they reminded him painfully of himself and tubbo cant let ranboo be like him so he falls in love with them instead and if ranboos going to stick by him tubbos going to try and be someone good to stick by

but of course ranboo finds bad influences anyways and tommy is back but different and everythings different and ranboo wont move in so every few days its just him and michael (and god, he shouldnt be a parent at 17, what is he doing with his life? he should have been dead by now) and he tries so so hard to be good for michael and good for ranboo and better for tommy and he isnt really good to himself but thats fine and ranboo is so much better than he'll ever be and michael adores him and tubbo adores him and its fine that the mansion is collecting dust and its fine that ranboo lives by tubbos executioner and the people who helped destroy his country and its fine that he doesnt really know who ranboo is at all outside of his kind husband that was there for him at his worse and its fine that ranboo doesnt really know who tubbo is outside of someone who has been through a lot and needs a good break and its fine that theyre keeping secrets its fine that they never really talk about their problems (its fine that its been months and ranboo still hasnt moved in)

and then they have their first disagreement and tubbo tries to make up for it and it works until they have their first argument and ranboo tries to make up for it but he has to make a point too and they hardly get to talk about it before suddenly time has passed and

and ranboos dead and tubbos a widow and single father at 18 and his (their) son got kidnapped and hes making friends with murderers and hes not sure how to feel about his husbands ghost (and ranboo is so so happy to be dead and ranboo is in limbo alone and tubbo doesnt know how any of this works) so he moves on and his anger gets the best of him and he pushes someone off a bridge and he moves on and he isnt getting better and he moves on and nothings getting better and he moves on and because the dream smp is at its core not that great pretty often theres no closure to any of this ever tubbo dies and loses all his memories ranboos forever a ghost and takes his son elsewhere and thats it the end youre just meant to be normal about all this now. they never learned how to truly trust each other and they were so so in love and wanted to be good for each other but never talked about their problems and now they just Dont Get To. The End !

#mask mews #not to go insane but im going insane rn #beeduo #dsmp #tubbo #ranboo

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xenosagaepisodeone · 3 months

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it's so funny that this documentary exists. a retrospective on a band that has existed for nearly 30 years that is as tepid as said band's creative output. This is all clearly marketing for I guess younger post-covid nickelback fans who weren't old enough to participate in making fun of nickelback when it was the in thing, but ultimately the documentary has nothing to say because there isnt anything to say. a representative from their label accidentally alludes to this: for a time, nickelback's uncontroversial commercial sound was the only thing keeping the lights on at the studio, and the money they made went on to support the metal artists under the same label (take from that what you will). the beats the doc takes us through are the following: "were small town guys who aggressively marketed and got big because we were in spider-man" "we had some health problems, but we're fine now" "we were a meme and it kind of hurt our feelings, but were fine now" "we had some lows where things were difficult for us creatively, but were fine now". there's even a dramatic point where one band member talks about nervously going back to make amends with a bandmate they had to kick out and....it goes completely fine. No talk of struggles with sex or drugs or family, even! A largely safe, frictionless career, which is probably why this film struggles to escape the confines of it's blatant marketing framing. nickelback was monoculture without a brand in the 2000s (at least Here In Canada). This is How You Remind Me was smattered all over the radio for years (the documentary mentioned at one point nickelback would be played on the radio once ever 3 minutes in the US) but what was nickelback as a band? the exact same as seether or creed or 3 doors down...did I mention that their current drummer is actually the former drummer of 3 doors down? the film is painfully aware that part of the reason why it was so easy to take potshots at nickelback was because of this interchangeable identity but refuses to contend with it. as ryan reynolds proclaims at the beginning and towards the end of the film "it's time to admit nickelback is actually awesome", because if they sound good, what else do they need to really be, right?

if taylor swift is monoculture as horror then nickelback is monoculture as existential horror, specifically. at one point in the doc, chad kroeger says that he doesn't know what he is without nickelback, that the band is more or less his identity, and that all he would be without it is "the guy who makes jokes". this could easily be played up to give some semblance of heart, but I don't think it's necessarily dishonest. at a point, kroeger talks to his brother about how they can't rely on doing covers as often as they do. at his concert he wears band shirts for other bands (not a weird thing on its own btw just in this one context). Hes aware of being "nirvana-lite" and its likely the inspiration behind his infamous ramen hair/beard look. his mom says that being the face of the band is what repels him from getting married or having kids like his brother (do i mention that this doc barely gives a shit about the other members). they mention his brief marriage to fellow canadian export avril lavigne, who is the only person he or his wikipedia article ever reference romantically, and I can't help but wonder if there was some motivation to be a canadian musician power couple behind it all. the documentary predictably makes a big deal about the fact he's from canada, and with the lack of well, Self that is present here I can only assume that "canadian" was meant to fill the slot where "identity" was meant to be.

none of this is even me being mean. I like buttrock. when their songs from the aughts come on the radio, I go "mm...alright" and let it play like i do with old eminem or evanescence. my mom is a nickelback superfan (self professed #1 fan, even) and the copy of All The Right Reasons I bought for her birthday when I was 12 is probably one of the few non-burned cds she still has. and when I ask her what she likes so much about them beyond the passable rock angle, she goes "chad kroeger is so cute n_n"

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hazshit-hotel-hater · 4 months

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I'm not a "ship" person whatsoever but I do scroll character tags on occasion and see quite a bit of Vox and Vel together as well as what seems to be a lot of what I'm assuming is female original character stuff. I've even seen some Charlie and Vox too. So it's out there, but unless you're scrolling through character tags I can see how it might be hard to find. Personally, I also block/filter a lot of the big "ship" tags so maybe that also makes it easier for me to stumble across this stuff that "slips" through since I don't know if those pairings have names.

I get your point though. I do think many are inclined to erase his bisexuality when it's convenient. Interestingly, they also erase Valentino's pansexuality too. The same with Husk as well, but I check his tag a lot less so who knows.

What disappoints me, and I know I'm about to come off as nit-picky right now lol, is the lack of research people put into their "sexuality" headcanons for the characters with reference to their different eras. When reading some of them, you'd think the idea of "gay rights" was a completely new and foreign topic that only emerged after the early 2000s. I get people want to go for the simplistic "repressed and doesn't know what being [insert identity here] is" for some of the older characters but that completely ignores a fascinating and rich tapestry of queer history that could create far more interesting (and still accurate) stories for the characters/their backgrounds. I would really encourage those who haven't already or are generally unfamiliar to dive into this history as it might inspire their character ideas while also educate them on the work, art, and activism our queer elders have contributed to the community we have today.

I think this may partially relate to character ages being under explored as well. While I've seen debate on what is canon/has been decanonized many of these characters, as far as we know, died in their late 30s and beyond. That's a lot of life to live and experience. While certainly many people throughout history (and even today) kept their sexuality hidden from the public due to culture, shame, and safety that doesn't mean there weren't many incredible private venues/spaces that could be utilized to explore those feelings/identities in secret.

I could go on and on about this but I've totally strayed from your original point (I'm sorry!) and I'm very tired haha. I just think there are multiple factors coming into play here with these character interpretations and, for me, the biggest missed opportunity is the lack of historical research. But end of the day people should have their fun! Just an observation.

Completely agree with this! I doubt my response will be as long since I just woke up but other characters doing certain things or not knowing about sexualities is interesting, it just seems like a lot of people think older people don’t want to explore any of that like it only just happened recently as you said. I like to joke about Angel being shocked about gay marriage and not knowing a bunch of current terms but thats about it. With him being in the mafia when he was alive makes it much more interesting as well, I’m pretty sure around his time the mafia was blackmailing men in gay bars but dont quote me on that I might be wrong.

Anyway for Husk and Valentino pan erasure I see that a bunch too. Not exactly erasure but just… ignoring it? Moreso erasure on Valentino’s end because Ive seen people get mad at people for shipping Valentino with a woman and was like “hes gay dont do that” no he isnt. Also dont ship Valentino with anyone for the love of god. But like people are super used to just making up headcanons that they dont bother to look up actual canon stuff. I know Hazbin isn’t the best but if you want canonically LGBTQ+ characters use what you have and add on later. Or headcanon a background character, thats what I did with Molly.

People are very focused on modern day queerness and forget that this stuffs been happening for decades and it’s a bit sad. Also I seem to have strayed from my own question as well?? Anyway ty for mentioning this! Its very interesting 🩷

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umbreoncomplex · 2 months

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did it have to be a fucking fire?

(aka my google docs rant written from 3 to 4 am about spirit of justice and apollos backstory)

okay to preface this is not an essay. this is a yap session. my word isnt law on anything but instead by opinions based on my life and upbringing. im no be all end all for how you should view ace attorney and apollo but i cant NOT talk about him

so like, i have major fucking issues with spirit of justice. a lot of different issues. one of them is apollo. something i struggle with a lot as an adoptee is representation in media. its not that big of a deal i guess. but its frustrating what the limited pool of adoptee characters is filled with. a lot of it are these grandiose tragedies orphaning a child. which can happen in the real world. im not denying the existence of those orphaned by great tragedy. but it feels like the only type of adoptee representation out there. a lot of times, it feels like their tragedy is more of a spectacle than anything, rather than actually treated as a tragedy. after having finished aa4, before really knowing anything about aa6, i would lightheartedly talk about how i appreciated apollo and trucy not having the backstory of their parents dying in a great tragic fire on a boat out on sea wherein they had to abandon their baby in a basket and push it across the sea. you can imagine my reaction to learning how apollos dad died considering the choice of examples i tend to joke about

because, look, trucy is a good example of a way you can use some of the admittedly crazy circumstances of ace attorney while not falling into tired tropes about adoptees. she was the daughter of a single father and was abandoned by him. he didnt die some sort of heroic death or whatever. he left her. simple as that. sure, he disappeared in a magic act to escape a criminal conviction, but it was a breath of fresh air after a lot of carbon copy orphaning stories. and you know what sweetened the deal with me? thalassa coming back. thalassa regaining her memories. and still not returning to trucy. that hit such a good emotional spot for me. adoption exists in a great many different forms. some bio parents never get told the whereabouts of their children. but some do. some are only a call away from their bio children and refuse to get in contact with them. and in a world where most adoptees i saw were orphans, it hit me hard to have a character with the experience of, not only having living bio parents, but those who did not reach out to them. sure, thalassa promises to tell trucy and apollo eventually, but shes still pushing it off. still refuses it for a while. and it almost made me cry

this isnt even mentioning trucys relationship with nick and the gramaryes. a lot of stories either prioritize blood family or chosen family and refuse to let you have both. but there are children who experience both. children who do love or want to love both their biological and adopted families. and trucy is not demonized for wanting to love both. she calls zak and nick daddy and, sure, theres a joke about how it gets confusing, but its not Bad that she cares for both, that she still considers both her parents. and thats something special. especially as she wasnt adopted at birth. she did live with the gramaryes for a not insignificant amount of time. if she wants to keep her connections, her feelings, then let her

in aa4 and aa5 we hardly get any information about apollos family aside from his connection to thalassa and trucy, and honestly, i was very okay with that. i liked him serving as a mostly blank slate. i had been excited to project my own experiences on him, especially as he was from thalassa’s first marriage, meaning thalassa had very purposefully left him behind. far before her whole assumed death. thats another thing i cried about and i think its very telling of the type of experience ive had. we didnt know much about his fathers death by aa4, but i was honestly fine with the idea of apollo being left to a single father who died. i was a little wary, considering how orphaning tends to be handled, but i had hope. theres plenty of ways to die after all. and both trucy and apollo had a lot more grounded experiences than i was used to. i dont ever expect to find characters who experiences match my own by like 80% but im not that broken up about it, especially when aa4 handled apollo and trucy surprisingly well

and of course, i ended up being spoiled for aa6 before playing. and my frustration got to fester for like weeks until i finished up aa6. and it just kept getting worse. apollos dad dies in a fire. sure, ironic and mildly annoying but not that big of a deal. apollo was raised by the leader of a rebellion. okay… not the biggest fan but sure i gues. the fire was part of an assassination plot. what the fuck are you on about now. apollos foster father was the husband to the queen who was assassinated, also connecting apollo to the royalty of another country. now im sick of all this. theres a whole nother argument to be made about WHY apollo was given this backstory which im absolutely going to touch on at a later date. but it was honestly disheartening to learn about his backstory. what i loved about aa4 was how much more realistic these stories felt compared to everything else. but sure make him an illegitimate prince to a throne as well as the son of an infamous rebel. whatever man. i dont care (Cares a lot). it was just a slap in the face. and maybe thats my fault for getting too excited about any adoptees in media. but like jesus man. did you really have to do all that? i get ace attorney has a thing for these crazy plots and schemes and pieces falling together but i swear to god apollos story just feels like such a tropey mess compared to others.

i can live with jove dying in a fire. thats fine. i am MORE than okay with apollo growing up in khura’in, either being born there or not. if aa6 handled khura’in half decently, it couldve been fun to explore. unfortunately, aa6 handled khura’in Horribly. where you start adding in the plotlines about the defiant dragons and dhurks marriage to amara you just. lose me so thoroughly. i just lose my excitement an interest. because apollo is another of the hundreds of adoptee stories that couldve been good, couldve given representation to people like me, an opportunity to see a very underdiscussed part of our lives in media, but ended up falling so short. it feels like no one wants to write an adoptee unless theyre a spectacle. and yea i get it stories are stories you gotta make things interesting whatever. but so many mundane aspects of life are written about time and time again. so many life experiences are included as a Normal part of existence, rather than something you have to dramaticize so heavily. adoption in media feels like a tool rather than an author legitimately wanting to write about more diverse life experience. someone being an adoptee or an orphan is usually used to provide a narrative reason for a characters family being uninvolved in the story, to connect to them to a grand plot or scheme (orimarily through character relations), or for the beloved angst factor of a tragic childhood. and its tiring. does anyone care about the children of teen pregnancies? the children of international adoption? the rehomed or the abandoned or the neglected or the displaced? i could be here for hours concocting various types of adoptees that can exist in the world because its such a large spectrum of experience. but it feels like no one cares. maybe im making a mountain out of a molehill, but i had high hopes for ace attorney, and it hurt to have them crushed. its hard wanting to get excited about adoptee characters when theyre consistently placed in the same character templates to be repeated over and over again. i wish my story was treated as a real life possibility. as a type of person who can exist in the world. so often are adoptees and their stories mystified in media. or, on the other end, are completely ignored and disregarded. adoptee characters never feel like theyre written as, or discussed in fandom as, characters with traits that people can have, but instead as completely fictional tropes and archetypes. every day i see arguments about shipping adopted characters and so often it feels like adoption only exists as the fictional and hypothetical. and apollo just feels emblematic of this to me. because he had potential. we saw this potential in trucy. but they had to make him “interesting”. had to spice up his story. had to justify his involvement in khura’in because otherwise the story starts feeling too much like a white savior story. they didnt come here to write a realistic adoptee. and maybe i shouldnt be putting that expectation on writers. but goddamn i am sick of dining on crumbs. im sick of only finding myself in headcanons that I MYSELF HAVE TO CREATE

apollos backstory deserved better

#ace attorney #apollo justice #trucy wright #aa4 #aa6 #spirit of justice #ace attorney spoilers #aa4 spoilers #aa6 spoilers #thats all i care to tag

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inkizblog · 12 days

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this is like a little rant about fantube so if you ship it and are kinda sensitive to opinions I advise you not to read

it isn’t targeted to the normal or actually okay fantube shippers so dw if your one of those

idk I feel I have to talk about this

if you decide to read just read till the end it gives you all the info (it’s pretty long though)

tw: opinion, cursing, sexual mentions

why can’t we have fan and test tube separately?

why is it when THOSE fantube shippers see test tube they are like “oh my gosh it’s literally fans wife!! literally married to fan guys” BUT WHAT IF SHE WASNT? BUT WHAT IF SHE WAS A SCIENTIST AND NOT MEANT TO BE LABELED AS SOMEONES “WIFE”?? BRO IT MAKES ME SO GRRRR

also when I say those fantube shippers I mean the crazy ones not the normal ones you guys are fine

it’s getting out of hand though .. like seriously

“B-but the marriage is literally canon!! It happened in a stream” FIRST OFF, THAT WAS A VOICE REQUEST. SECOND OFF, THERE WAS NO ROMANTIC IMPLICATION!!

“b-b-b-but that one part at the end when test tube says-“ erm! what if that was a JOKE and it didn’t even mean that things should be romantic between them, it was just the DELIVERY of the speech? let’s put our thinking caps on!

“oh my gosh people can’t even have fun or ship now you suck inki” I DIDNT SAY YOU CANT SHIP FANTUBE. BUT CAN WE STOP. MAKING. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. ABOUT. FANTUBE?

sure!! I’m all for the platonic family with Bot and Egg and whatever but I don’t make EVERYTHING about it. like cmon bro they are separate characters

Another thing that pisses me off (and this probably is the worst) FANTUBE IS BECOMING OVERSEXUALIZED. LIKE REALLY OVERSEXUALIZED TO THE POINT IT MAKES ME (and probably others) UNCOMFORTABLE

I JUST SAW A VIDEO WITH AN AUDIO OF FAN LIKE, MAKING WEIRD NOISES OR SOMETHING?? I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE IT CAME FROM (I THINK FAN WAS BEING PEPPER SPRAYED APPARENTLY OR SOMETHING) BUT THAGS NOT THE POINT

THE VIDEO HAD TEXT ABOVE IT THAT SAID SOMETHING LIKE “Damn Fan, the backshots can’t be THAT good” AND ALMOST EVERY SINGLE COMMENT WAS JUST FUCKING

“Test Tube had that shit ON”

“Yeah that was me, aka Test Tube”

“Someone animate this with Fantube”

IM ACTUALLY SO ENRAGED. BEYOND WORDS. THIS ISNT EVEN PREPPY, QUIRKY, SILLY, OR WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT. ITS ACTUALLY NOT FUNNY

ITS ESPECIALLY NOT FUNNY BECAUSE IT KEEPS ON HAPPENING OVER AND OVER AND OVER

this is why I can’t say I like object shows anymore. this is why i can’t watch silly little thingies compete for an unknown prize. THIS IS WHY.

forgot to mention even the creators of ii are annoyed of people still asking if fantube is canon.. that says a lot

I don’t CARRREE if it’s “canon”. THIS HAS TO STOP

I thought this was a silly or cool ship at first. I was wrong.

[EDIT: before some of you are like “just click off of the video..?” WHEN ITS PLASTERED EVERYWHERE AND ITS LIKE 90% OF II CONTENT I CANT]

#disscussioninf #not a very oh yeah post #rant. I gues #object shows #inanimate insanity #fantube #fantube ii #fan ii #test tube ii

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xshiny · 8 months

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König x gn!reader prt 2

In honor of my birthday, I decided to finally make a part two!

Sitting in your seat, the plane takes off. Berlin, Germany, here I come.

You made your decision of leaving America, and head for Germany. Something new, yes, but also quite the adventure.

After long hours, you exit the airport and make it to your hotel. Meliá is a very nice and expensive looking building. Mitte, the "center" of Berlin is said to be the nicest spot to be in while visiting Germany. And well, it's true.

You sigh, plopping down onto your bed once you get into your room. Long day today, even longer tomorrow. You close your eyes, settling down for a nap, and let the calmness in the room lull you to sleep.

When you wake up, it's late outside, and the streets are busy full of pedestrians and drivers. Kind of seems like downtown Chicago, doesn't it? Reminds me of home. You smile, and change into street clothes, heading out the building and onto the sidewalks like a good tourist you are.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

"Where did you say to meet up?"

You're blowdrying your wet hair, getting ready for the long and eventful day. Right now you're talking to the person who sent you the letter. "The Messenger", as he likes to call himself, says to meet up at the Cafe Cinema.

And that's where you're heading. The Cafe Cinema. What a gorgeous place to eat at! It's unbelievable how beautiful Germany can be, compared to the crazy organized America. As you stand outside waiting, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

Behind you is a nice young looking Korean dude, who wore sunglasses and had a small tiger patch on his sling bag. "Can I help you?" You ask, and the Korean guy just laughs.

"I think I can help you" he chuckled, amd held his hand out for a handshake. "Kim Hongjin- but you can call me Horangi" the Korean guy introduced himself with a warm smile. You shake his hand back.

"Y/n L/n. Although I'm sure you already knew that" you joked, and Horangi gestured you go follow him. "Come, I have a reservation for the two of us- there is much to explain" he cheerfully said, disappearing inside the cafe. You quickly followed behind.

You and horangi talk about childhood, what teen life was like, how you feel about adulthood. Then the conversation went into marriage and how things were gonna work. The wedding location? Kept a secret, orders by the king. And of course, some paperwork.

After the meal with your attendant, he drives you to the palace. Yes, a whole f*cking palace. Almost feels like as if you were the queen, but not like Queen Elizabeth of England, but a soon to be queen of Germany. Who knew König was part of a royalty life?

Inside, you were met by lovely maidens and butlers, and a beautiful chandelier hanging in the middle. Some stairs that lead to a balcony, and large windows that let sunlight through. Suddenly, you see someone coming your way.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

A/n: I WILL MAKE A PART THREE I JUS RAN OUT OF ROOM

Also thanks to those who asked to be on my taglist!!

@psycho-lilium @notyoursweetcat

Which..isnt much, but that's okay. Sorry I left you on another cliff hanger 😅😅 ASK ME IF YOU WANT TO BE ON THE TAGLIST.

Happy birthday to me!!

#konig mw2 #konig cod #konig x you #konig x reader #cod konig #könig x reader #könig x male reader

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desire-mona · 3 months

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randomly assigning house md characters internet moments / videos / memories / whatever i remember based off nothing at all (i did i dps version too) (also links for everything i talk about will be provided) (also also this isnt made to make fun of anyone involved in any of this)

house - mr beast and his OLD OLD youtube videos, like circa 2015? i think? he used to make cringe compilations essentially where he just made fun of kids' youtube intros. face and all like nothing was blurred for privacy, and then he'd call them cringe and make drinking bleach jokes. like a LOT. i binge watched those back in like 4th grade i think? maybe 5th? so thats kinda all i associate him with now. he also made videos where he would say a word like a thousand times, sometimes WAY more (like 100k+). or like. count to that number, he did both. anyway rip house you wouldve loved making fun of kids' youtube videos

wilson - does anyone remember the evian baby commercials? i think the whole shtick was like "this water makes you feel young again" I THINK? the one i linked was the one where the reflection on a building makes ppl babies, but theres one where babies are on roller skates or whatever too. this isnt entirely an internet moment as much as it is just a memory, cuz i remember my mom and my aunt DYING laughing at these commercials. idk what it was they were just in tears. theres something so 2007-2015 about dancing babies. wasnt a dancing baby the first internet meme? just googled it and yes it was.

cuddy - onision's shitty spoken word songs PLEASE tell me someone remembers them. onision really shouldve stopped trying to make music after the banana song bc the rest really suck shit. this is NOT based on vibes i gotta get that out there, i was like hmm cuddy has a kid. you know who else has a kid? YOU KNOW WHO LET THEIR KID FALL OUT OF A WINDOW? cuddy would fucking HATE onision. ALSO OH MY GOD PAUSE EVERYTHING ONISION JUST UPLOADED A SONG. I NEED TO MAKE A SEPERATE POST ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW WHAT THE HELL. anyway dont watch it. i linked strange æon's video on his music just bc i really dont wanna direct u to anything of his directly. did u know i dont like onision?

foreman - the most insane youtube poop ive ever seen in all of my 19 years of living, i sent this to maddie specifically when i made my initial "like for a rando internet moment!" post but i really need to share it with the general public. general warning for youtube poop-ness; flash, loud noises, overwhelming, etc. i am actually begging you to watch this because it tops every other ytp ive ever seen, like actually blows it out of the water. i also has no idea ppl still made ytps after 2014 tbh.... btw this is probably the only ytp that i'll ever recommend LMAO

chase - OH MY GOD KYLERLOVESJESUS. so basically this one eboy influencer type on tiktok back in 2019 Found God and went on rants about how abortion is wrong and gay marriage is bad and blah blah blah. there was this moment on one of his lives where he went "i love gay people, i would be best friends with a gay person. do i support it? no." which was the FUNNIEST shit back in the day. i would quote it on the daily. btw the editing of the video i linked is VERY of the time so beware LMAO

cameron - cutie the kitten (sans' wife and gf) + the killing videos sans fan girls would make. i actually cant link anything bc the channel doesnt exist anymore but! basically back in 2016ish there was this one girl who had such a crush on sans and she had a whole ocxcanon situation with sans and her pink cat oc Cutie. a lot of ppl hated her + the ppl who had ocs shipped with sans but looking back its truly not a big deal. what is a big deal is that she (? maybe?) and other sans fangirls would make animated slideshow videos of their ocs using powers or whatever to kill other sans fangirls. like brutally. it was a wild time i wish cutie's channel was still up so i could prove thats a real thing, but ask an undertale fan from back then and odds are theyll know. heres a sans fangirl cringe compilation so you kinda know what im talking about, but fair warning it is a cringe compilation so. it wont be nice.

thirteen - TW INCEST!! this one hamilton animatic i saw back in forever ago to the song 'helpless'. usually animatics to that song use eliza and hamilton (im not a hamilton fan this is very surface lvl knowledge btw) but the one i saw was eliza and ANGELICA. like as in HER SISTER. big surprise someone in a big fandom ships incest wow I KNOW its tame compared to other shit, but it was i think my first exposure to anything like that circa 2017ish, so it kinda stuck in the brain. also the video i linked isnt the og its a phil collins mashup, the og got taken down. hamilton always makes an appearance in my house posts doesnt it, be lucky i didnt give kutner this one bc ppl were turn up abt hamilton fan kutner.

taub - WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABOUT MIKE AND MELISSA ⁉️⁉️ basically mike and melissa is this animated passion project this guy made to show himself (or his persona? or maybe just some guy) falling in love with his fursona that comes to life. this was the only episode this guy uploaded and i think he kinda disappeared after. the plot is kinda hard to follow and its not TERRIBLY animated but its certainly not professional looking. there's a video about what happened to him uploaded like 5 months ago, but i havent watched it. when i first heard of mike n melissa i fully thought it was a mid 2000s family sitcom but it definitely Is Not That.

kutner - undertale sans au christmas party comic dub. i probably dont need to give an explanation as to what sans aus are but idk how many ex or current undertale fans follow me so i'll do it anyway. making au's for undertale was a pretty common practice back in its early days, and usually the most popular character in any undertale variation is sans. who sans is shipped with was always up in the air, so much like the onceler, ppl ended up shipping sans with other au versions of himself. this christmas party comic is in my mind the undertale fandom equivalent of camp weehawken. i think there was also a sans au comic where all the sans' except for like 2 were toddlers at daycare? i dont remember who the adult sans' were but also i think the creator got into hot water? dont remember why.

#desire mona #posts like these are so fun #i like seeing where my trains of thought take me #i wanted to include sugoi quest for kokoro and jreg in here but i obviously ran out of room #to be discussed later i suppose #house md #gregory house #james wilson #lisa cuddy #eric foreman #robert chase #allison cameron #thirteen #remy hadley #chris taub #lawrence kutner #hate crimes md

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dreamychuu · 2 years

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Hokuto as childhood friends rambles...

Warning/info = gn!reader, hokuto is in love, fluff, pet names, some comfort, mention of being bullied, mention of arranged marriage.

A/n : i was suppose doing request but this thing have been appearing in my brain every second.

Rambles undercut

1. okay okay i think since you guys know each other since a kid there is a bigger chance that its beacuse of the both of your parents

2. You're very close with his grandma too! you guys spend times playing in his grandma house most of the time and maybe help her cooking (you guys ended up messing up the kitchen but his grandma just chukles)

3. Hokuto always call people with their surname but maybe since you guys know each other since you guys were a kid there is this habits to calls each others by a cute nickname that the lil kids you made.

Some hokuto nickname i made : oku-kun/chan, kuu-chan, kutoo-chan/kun, etc

4. But for the sake of his Reputaion he always calls you by your surname when there is other people who isnt both of your family.

(He once accidently calls you by a cute nickname in front of trickstars, at first he doesnt notice until subaru start questioning it while jumping in curiousty)

Basically all of them start suspecting hokuto and you were dating since the both of you keep secret nickname's for each others (the one who make the theory was makoto)

5. If you're being bullied , he will always try to comfort you, he's not good with words so all he can do is do something to comfort you.

Comfort Scenario : he hurriedly enter your room and saw you crying while sitting on the floor leaning against your bed with folded legs as you cover your face on your kness. He then took the blanket from your bed and sat next to you on the floor, covering the both of you with the blanket.

Noticing Hokuto presence , you start to cried harder and jump into his arm hugging him. he hugged you back with his hand on your back pushing you closer to him and his other hand behind your Head bringing your face in front of his chest as he give you a comfort kiss your forehead.

6. There is this one time when his & yours parents jokingly said that they might arranged married the both of you, when he heard this he was blushing but try to keep his composoure (he imagine about the both of you get married not in the creppy way)

7. Despite being in busy with each others life you guys at least can be seen going everywhere together at least once a week.

8. Whenever the both of you travel together you two always hold hands , beacuse of that you always bring a gloves so you wont feel much cold while holding his hands.

9. just like sillies little kids maybe you guys made like the classic "lets get married when we got older" Promise. (You forgot about it while he always remembers it)

10. You always do acting Together but since you got older you guys stopped doing it together but you still watch his performance (he appreciate it alot)

11. He such an hopeless romantic and when he do try to flirt or make a move on you, you always see it as a friendly joke since the both of you always do that as a kid.

12. Aoi twins found out about his crush and gave him a flirt lesson (it doesnt work)

13. He confess to you when the both of you was going home together. As you both decided to visit his grandma house by walking.

the two of you walked together until you suddenly stopped and looked towards the beautiful river that was in front of the bridge divider.

your eyes look towards the beautiful river while his eyes are glued to your figure , you look so "beautiful under the sky that evening", he said to himself

"[name]", he called out

with you turning to face fixed towards him your eyes meet each other.

"I love you," he said directly without hesitation with his gentle expression.

your eyes widened in surprise with a sudden confession from him you looked down he was confused and tried to melt the atmosphere by saying if you don't love him back it's okay.

You laughed hearing him sounds a bit sad and answered his confession with "I love you too, always been..."

#enstars x reader #chu~works #ensemble stars x reader #hokuto hidaka #hokuto hidaka x reader #hokuto x reader #random rambles #enstars fluff #enstars headcanons

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calocera · 1 year

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Your posts about SNW Spock makes me so curious, could you please explain how they've done him wrong since he seems very different from the original series :O Are they making him more human despite the SNW taking place before the og?

yeah i can! im not the best person to talk about it probably since im a pretty recent trek fan and also tos/spock arent parts of trek i care about as much as a lot of other fans, but i have opinions for sure!!

firstly just up front i do not like ethan peck as spock. he does not look like spock or act in a way i am satisfied with. it feels like the only reason they cast him was because he has a deep voice. so i am going forward in this with haterism for him specifically not JUST how he is written in snw

Spock is written not like a vulcan but like an anhedonic human. actually not even anhedonic, just like a human raised in vulcan society trying to blend in. like there is nothing about him that feels genuine he just feels like woobiebait for 2012 tumblr to make flower crown edits of because he is awkward and quirky. every scene involving spock is a joke about him and his demeanor, everything he says is a wink wink nudge nudge "lol vulcans act like this and its so stupid lol logic is silly" like i can physically feel a laugh track whenever hes on screen. i enjoy jokes about vulcans but it isnt funny when there isnt anything else. its like spock showing emotion, it isnt satisfying when its a constant and not a little treat peppered in. in snw hes stifling a giggle or screaming in pain or being oopsie awkward silly every time he gets a focal scene, it takes the magic away because now it isnt a rare break in character its just how he is. Ive seen a lot of people defend this aspect as him being young and therefore less mature than in tos, but hes like approaching 30 :\ i get him being less mature but he doesnt act like a sheltered 30 year old he acts like someone freshly 18. at this point its just like…MAKE A NEW CHARACTER!!!!

as a point of contrast, i like how uhura is written in snw (in season 1 anyways, she has barely appeared in s2) she is obviously younger and is growing into her spot on the crew, but they arent hinging her character on the 1 or 2 pop culture uhura moments, retconning anything about that that doesnt align with modern media fandom, and calling it a day; they actually expand on her character outside of like idk her doing a sexy dance and her sitting at the phone (though i guess it is easier for her since she had barely any character in tos anyways). meanwhile they DO do that with spock, his bullet point top 10 iconic spock moments of sometimes being awkward and showing emotion are now the only things he is allowed to do. tldr flanderization

i also think its interesting that it is this way since ethan peck played spock in discovery and there hes the exact opposite. hes extremely serious and vulcan; which fits the tone of the show (regardless of my opinions on the tone of disco). i just dont understand how that spock translated into the snw spock. they are not the same guy.

anyways on to the biggest plot related gripe with him...how he interacts with women!!!yay!!

first theres how they decided to have multiple episodes about his, apparently, strained-yet-loving-and-involved relationship with tpring. the inclusion of t'pring feels stupid because other than the 1 minute of cheap "oh i remember her!" from someone seeing her on screen for the first time what point is there to her returning when the ONE canonical fact about her is that she and spock A: had an arranged marriage, B: did not meet in person since they were children, and C: hated each other. its not like there is a huge contingency of t'pring/spock shippers holding out since 1967 so what value does reintroducing her as a character serve? i assume its as some kind of attempt to give a woman who previously had no real character something to do, but her existence on snw is STILL only about spock and her relation to spock so there isnt any sort of feminist level up happening. including her was not interesting enough to justify retconning the plot of the most iconic episode of star trek. especially when multiple episodes tonally and stakes-wise rely on you caring about them as a couple, and anyone watching who knows who she is already knows that her and spock dont have any relationship to speak of in the future so who is this for? if you really really just NEED spock to have sex with a woman why not make a new character? that would also suck but at least it wouldnt be timeline interfering. im not even a huge continuity purist "oh no!!the timeline!!!plotholes!!!" but when the situation is the writers deliberately breaking the continuity in large ways and the outcome isnt even fun? stupid.

and now his relationship with chapel. i am way more annoyed by this one since its just gross. so from tos the only thing with them is that chapel has a crush on him and spock is not interested. also worth noting that its such a non-plot related thing that it only is revealed under the influence of alien drug virus that makes you horny. and they decided that not only was that enough to base a whole reciprocated romance arc around, but now since theyve introduced tpring back into the story, spock is now a cheater??? what is the POINT of breaking canon to introduce spocks girlfriend only to go "well actually hes horny for his coworker" like...that isnt how love triangles work youve just done a character assassination. the man who would rather kill his best friend than have sex with his wife is now fucking both her and the woman who confessed to him and he got so mad he crushed a computer with his bare hands. ok 👍. i just hate that they chose spock to be the romantic center of the show. anyone else could have been the character who gets into relationship drama why spock? there are multiple new characters who could have taken up the position. and its not like spock has nothing else to do as a character without it

to say things specifically about the most recent epsiode since it was particularly annoying and showed things that happen throughout the series:

firstly spock just does shit thats stupid. illogical even. i know the whole logical fallacy moment with vulcans but when it isnt a point of note in the show and rather just happens as if its a normal occurrence for spock as a person im like...he would be a laughing stock on vukcan and not have any of the positive reputation he holds.

the plot of this ep was basically that spock gets turned completely human and they just miss literally the whole point of it. vulcans have MORE emotion than humans, they ACTIVELY suppress it. yet when spock is turned human he just experiences human emotion completely emotionally? he should be having an EASIER time suppressing his emotions. and OMG he gets a BONER because he sees a hot WOMAN LOL LOL isnt that funny? spock got hard isnt that hilarious? its just so cheap. they act like being human makes him a completely different person, they played it like the voyager episode where belanna gets split into human and klingon BUT in that case she was literally split into two different people (this ep had a lot of issues too ie racism but that’s a different can of worms); here spock just becomes human he still has the same memories and training and history...why would he forget what its like to be a vulcan. they could SO EASILY make excuses too but they just didnt care. and anyways bada bing bada boom the ep ends with him and chapel hooking up which i already complained about and could complain about more.

i think thats already too much so im gunna stop myself here but trust theres more i hate and other people have probably talked about this better than i have :')

blade nation

#ask #star trek #sorry for this everyone im a hater at heart

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cartoonrival · 5 months

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Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

#asks157 #nrto

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viro-lil-goat · 1 year

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I already wrote this in reblogs but i want to saparate so here we go, shoutout to this post

AU Hyde friends with Emma Carew

In this au, or more like an addition i can add to one of my aus – in one of Hydes outings, while jumping on the roofs he noticed Emma crying on balcony to her room. Even though he would usually leave (and Jekyll dosent want to get in trouble hence Hyde is still a searched criminal) he decided to come closer, Emma noticed him and was confused on why tf theres a man on the roof above her balcony (i would shit my pants) But Hyde reassured her he isnt a threat, and was just coming by (on the roofs 🤨). And asked her whats wrong.

Surprisingly she wasnt afraid, she already had a breakdown so she couldn't really think straight.

She told him she is supposed to have an arranged marriage with Simon Stride, in her families will. But she doesn't love him nor she ever had romantic or sexual attraction to anyone ever (shes aroace but that term didnt exist back then ). Plus, hes a jerk towards her.

Hyde shows his opposition to it, he thinks all those traditions and aristocrat things are absolutely stupid (sorry for my lack of smart language 😂) . He tells her he knows one person who was also married against their will, and that ruined their relationship with their lover (as hyde says this jekylls jaw drops to the floor XD). So he understands how harmful it can be. He jokes to lift Emmas mood.

Emma already calmed down thanks him, and also tells abot how in general its annoying. Her fathers friends were making jokes about her marrying jekyll right after their dance. Her father dosent take her seriously as he thinks shes still kid (like in musical, same with her mothers death) and he dosent think that marriage is harmful as family of simon conviced him otherwise. She dosent blames him but still holds a grudge for not helping her but instead adding fuel to the fire.

Hyde dosent knows what to say so he suggests her to jump on roofs with him to unwind, jekyll as a shadow is completely apposed. She is unsure but decides to accept the offer. Jekyll tries his hardest but hyde has an idea to make it a little safer.

Since shes in a party dress she takes some time to change into more for jumping clothes. Hyde asks her to hold his hand so she dosent fall while jumping

Artistic interpritation bc im not good with words XD

(the end of second slide feels weird but i didnt know how elso to phrase it 🫡)

And here another time they meet ⬇️

Okay im almost done this took wayy too long

Hence things has worsen with her abusive fiancée, and marriage was soon to happen, she decided to run away and asked Hyde for help in that

Later on i imagine her cutting her hair as a sign of new life (so she'll have something like a pixie cut)

She would write her father a letter that she has left due to her own will

Andd Hyde helps her escape to become of Lucy girls ^^ they still meet even after that.

Thinking abt that, most likely in this scenario her father would still search for her. Just wondering if suspecting Hyde should be a part of it (maybe someone has seen them or something like that)

Okay phew finally first one done ☠️ thats exactly why i usually only keep it in my mind its so hard expressing what im thinking i had to fill the gaps as i wrote. Buttt i want to share (and not forget) so here

#the glass scientists #the glass scientists au #tgs au #tgs emma carew #long text #tgs hyde #tgs

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thekhoei · 5 months

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i love to joke "john beet wif" yes but have we ever tried to understand his violent behaviors? probably also yes. i have been rambling about this man so much to the point my brain goes nut, but will i ever stop? no

i'd air my views based on James Fallon's The Psychopath Inside, although i can't be sure if John has any "distinct neurological pattern" in his brain that leads to "cold and violent behavior", or if it was purely just lsd and heroin. i haven't finished the book yet to give a full analysis on this issue i brought, so i'd discuss only the surface of the iceberg.

we always hurt our love one, intended or not. we can all agree a toxic environment builds a toxic child. John didnt have that fortune to get a healthy childhood. emotional abuse and neglect from the adults, he grew up to be a rebel against the world. i have been wondering, has this man ever felt like a lone man that is distant from the human world for so long (like The Little Prince). and the answer i give to myself is a yes, and a no.

"He told me later, he didn’t tell me then, he said he’d written it about himself, feeling like he wasn’t going anywhere."

“I thought of myself sitting there, doing nothing and getting nowhere,”

now i'm not sure if anyone has thought this way before, but i love the way Tom Taylor (i came across his article while finding John's (or other Beatles' quote about Nowhere Man)) said that the protagonist was far from alone. change my point of view from here ngl. does the Nowhere Man isolates himself from other people, or the other way around. does John isolates himself, or the other way around. definitely not the second clause. we can't deny that this man has some serious mental illnesses. i know he got some treatment back then, but did it help him get anywhere better? i have no idea. i'd say barely. Nowhere Man to me is about a depressed man who sits alone on a hill, in a room, in nowhere, in a void, in a vast space that surrounded by so many people yet he still can't feel any lighter, although he had planned so many plans, but all of it goes to nowhere. "Isn't he a bit like you and me?" a reflection to himself, and the listeners, us. Nowhere Man is alone, yet "he" is also far from alone. there are so many lone men like "him" in the world, but could "he" know they exist? his break up with the band, his early days with Cyn, Julian (how come i just realize this is literally his mom's name), even during the marriage with Yoko, his friendship with Paul, George, Stuart, and his every other relationships already show the world enough. so much love that he isnt able to respond, that he slowly destroys everything from the inside like a time bomb.

"In the place, where I was born

No-one cared, no-one cared"

there is this quote from one of the greatest writers in my country "Một người đau chân có lúc nào quên được cái chân đau của mình để nghĩ đến một cái gì khác đâu? Khi người ta khổ quá thì người ta chẳng còn nghĩ gì đến ai được nữa. Cái bản tính tốt của người ta bị những nỗi lo lắng, buồn đau ích kỷ che lấp mất..." which means "One with a sore leg can not think for anybody when he is in so much pain. Too many sorrows cover one's eyes from the others' misery. All the kindness are buried within all the grief". not all of us can realize or be aware of our mistreatment towards our love one when we are also in so much despair. one can blindly become a monster to their dearest without acknowledging the uncontrollable and unreasonably strange behaviors. John is no exception in this case. he is enmeshed in a mess he created. he is loved by so many people, so many people are willing to sacrifice themselves just for him, but John still cant love them fairly.

that man is insecure, he admitted so many time. he even wrote a song to ask for help, even though he can directly communicate to someone. communication is a key to a balanced relationship. yet in a society that man is fucking weakling if he talks about his feels and emotions, how could he show his true color. we would have "good night" sang by him if he did. instead that man sabotages himself. John has never been on his right mind.

there was one time where i dreamt of being in the world where The Beatles didnt exist (i love this concept so much, Yesterday's scene where the protagonist meets old John has been haunting me to the point i became him in that dream). its just so wild to ever think if one day The Beatles doesnt exist. so many chances and so many results that are so fascinating even only just a glimpse of those. back to the dream (i go a bit personal here) i was a neighbour kid lives nearby John's house. i would come and play with him and Yoko and little Sean everyday, until one day i didnt see him anymore. days by days i tried to find him with hopes slowly fading. he came back on the day when i thought he had gone forever. i ran towards John and hugged him tightly, to wake up with tears in my eyes. that day i realize i just love John so dearly.

okay this is the point where i goes nut so id stop trying to sound like im a egghead here. i never want to defend John or even want to be his apologist, i used to hate him with all my heart, but choose sympathy to understand this man is to forgive my own self and the others from my own mistakes, and their mistreatment. for i love and im loved, but love is painful. i mean we can all see ourself throughout John's mirror. im so tired of hatred towards Lennon without trying to know him for a bit. to me he is still a beautiful humans. even with so many flaws. i love John the way Paul loves John. i love John the way George loves John. i love John the way Ringo loves John. the way Cynthia loves John, the way Julian forgives John, the way Yoko spends her life with this man, the way May Pang adores him. i love John the way half of the world loves John. i hope that lone astronaut is still having fun across the universe rn.

"John Lennon is a saint and he's heavy-duty, and he's great and I love him. But at the same time, he's such a bastard – but that's the great thing about him, you see?"

#john lennon #im having a tic now that makes me unable to sleep #midnight fucking ramble #AGAIN #sorry for the messy unorganized thoughts

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