#idk man. sonic found family just hit different | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

t4tails · 2 years

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Do you have any post-sequel Wachowski family headcanons?

yes! im 90% sure all of my hcs for them are what most people already think so its not toooo original but heres some under the cut ^_^

- tails and knuckles room with sonic in the attic, despite a basement being open, due to tails wanting to be close to sonic and knux having a big protective streak and knowing the attic has a height advantage in the theoretical disaster scenarios he runs through his head lmao

- i was actually planning on drawing something like this but i lost motivation but tails has a plane bed hanging on the ceiling :) and knuckles has one of those sleep pods in the corner of the room so hes practically sleeping in a nest

- im a big sucker for maddie bonding with tails and knux due to their quieter nature in comparison to tom and sonic <3 maddie and sonic are the two who really encourage tails to be more open and confident about his interests and abilities!

- literally within a month of living together if maddie mentions having any kind of mild problem tails will immediately start brainstorming how to make something to help her. shell say she hates doing the dishes and by the next day they have little robot arms in the sink that rinse everything all off and puts it in the dishwasher for them.

- maddie and knux do yoga and meditation together! sonic has tried but gets too restless and tails has trouble calming his mind enough for it to not feel like hes just sitting there doing nothing, but for knuckles it really helps him calm down after the stress of watching over his emerald + the ones he cares about

- tom and sonic still do big day long hangouts with just the two of them every so often! sonic will follow him around while he works and just in general make sure hes not bored out of his mind lmao

- a dam breaks after that first dad in the movie, sonic will break out anything when asking for something. itll be 8pm and hes asking for one last run around the town and obviously tom says no but then sonic comes out swinging with a please dad 🥺 and well. who is he to refuse.

- MOVIE NIGHTS obviously sonics a speed and action fan in general, and i think tails is a sci fi fan. he also surprisingly likes horror! thats not to say he isnt scared out of his mind and that he doesnt immediately curl into the person next to him when jumpscares happen, but he loves practical effects and trying to figure out the tricks during the film. i think hed like alien cause of stuff like this (if they let him watch it lmao). knuckles likes slow-paced things without too much dialogue, i think i saw something about him liking wall-e once? i agree. that ones a family favorite

- just in general i dont think it takes very long for them to all get close :). the first time sonic calls tails little bro tails almost cries. knuckles is a bit less open with affection but sonic says something about being the cool brother and hes like 🤨 i think not. i am the superior brother to the fox, hedgehog. cue sonic smacking him with a pillow.

they make me soffft idk i bet you could pull some more out of me but youll have to get more specific 🧸🤧

#og post #ask #anon #idk man. sonic found family just hit different

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thestaffofgrayson · 6 years

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1-100 for the unusual asks, you meme lord

Mmmmkay so I cant help being sassy but also wanna give a real answer so we gonna do this -> Anything in parenthesis is a real answer everything else is sass central station

1) Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Im a dank soundcloud rapper check out my soundcloud at nobodycares540.soundcloud.fuck (I dont really use any of em tbh)

2) is your room messy or clean? *glances over* clean (m e s s y)

3) what color are your eyes? All 16 of em are different colors actually (blue)

4) do you like your name? why? No because its not Jojo (Yes!!! Love the name Perrin gonna be honest)

5) what is your relationship status? *sets status to its complicated* you could say im a bit of a player (deathly single)

6) describe your personality in 3 words or less? Im sorry who? (Described meme lord)

7) what color hair do you have? Minecraft Steve Brown (Ver Ver Pink)

8) what kind of car do you drive? color? No I run like sonic next question (nope fuck driving fuck boulder)

9) where do you shop? Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (For what Next question)

10) how would you describe your style? Goku Black cosplay (Goku Black cosplay)

11) favorite social media account? The one with the Z U C C (Tumblr fuck snapchat)

12) what size bed do you have? Uuuummmmmmm my size OBVIOUSLY next questions (Dont know tbh queen maybe?)

13) any siblings? Little shit brother (thats not even a joke)

14) if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Why this world fuck you what about mars (uuuuhhhhhh no idea gonna be honest)

15) favorite snapchat filter? Oh man! Love this one altho its not well known what ya gotta do is hit the delete button and when it asks if youre sure say yes :D (they change so often I dont pay attention)

16) favorite makeup brand(s)? Whatever it is Genji uses as eyeliner (dooont wear makeup)

17) how many times a week do you shower? I get clean by rolling around in the snow so maybe like 3 times a year (depends usually once a day with exceptions)

18) favorite tv show? I dont watch tv I AM the tv (The Office or if its Anime then Jojos Bizarre Adventure)

19) shoe size? M Y S I Z E (size 10)

20) how tall are you? hOWs ThE wEaTHEr dOwnTHeRe (5′9 - 5′11 somewhere in there)

21) sandals or sneakers? Gadget Shoes (legit those are cool but sneakers)

22) do you go to the gym? I think theeessseeee muscles speak for themselves (nope but I do martial arts)

23) describe your dream date Killing all mortals and achieving a state beyond that of a god (iiiii dont know I dont really see myself going on a date)

24) how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? Why do YOU wanna know (no really why tho)

25) what color socks are you wearing? Well I’m at home on the sofa playing sonic the hedgehog and typing up responses to an ask on tumblr that about 5 people are gonna see. That being said, Dragon Ball orange. (not wearing em but I have a fuzzy pair of polar bear socks my friend Ana sent me that I love!)

26) how many pillows do you sleep with? Wait what do you mean not everyone sleeps with 25 pillows are they mad? (One for my head, one on each side, smol pillow, pillow pet)

27) do you have a job? what do you do? I am assistant regional manager at a paper supply company named Dunder Mifflin. (Not currently but I’m gonna apply to Gamestop and Costco here soon)

28) how many friends do you have? Toooooooooooooo many I hate mortals (honestly I’m too lazy to try and count rn)

29) whats the worst thing you have ever done? Well I haven’t seen Mulan don’t call the cops (Iiiiiiii’m not sure I guess cheated on my Chinese final freshman year but hey I needed to pass that)

30) whats your favorite candle scent? V o i d (I dont use candles that much and I shooouuulld)

31) 3 favorite boy names Jo[seph] Jo[estar], Jo[taro Ku]jo, Jo[nathan] Jo[estar] (uuuuhhhh I like my name so it would be Perrin, Joji, Donovan)

32) 3 favorite girl names Jolyne Kujo there is no 2 and 3 (Jolyne yes I know but I actually really like the name, Perrin is also a girls name so, Milly)

33) favorite actor? Shrek from Shrek the musical (Robert Downey Jr and Chris pratt)

34) favorite actress? Taylor after she sasses me and acts like nothing happened (Millie Bobby Brown)

35) who is your celebrity crush? McCree (Matt Mercer)

36) favorite movie? UM IS THIS A QUESTION LIKE??? OBVIOUSLY THE SHREK AND BEE MOVIE CROSS OVER SHREK B: HONEY AND SWAMPS (I LOVED Black Panther and Thor Ragnarok but Secret Life of Walter Mitty’s stuck with me for a loooong time)

37) do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I don’t read cuz I’m not a NERD (I mean actual books I don’t ask me about it another time but comics I sure do I love the Marvel Civil War storyline)

38) money or brains? They say Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy me more games! Eat that SUCKERS (Honestly brains because then you can be smart which can make you a lot of money. So many more benefits)

39) do you have a nickname? what is it? Perriushium, destroyer of life and bringer of the new age (Pey given to me by my brother when he was still a baby and couldn’t say my name)

40) how many times have you been to the hospital? Enough to be immune to every disease known to man NOW IM UNSTOPABLE MWAHAHA (none for any of my own conditions or injuries but for family stuff about twice)

41) top 10 favorite songs All Star, All Star, All Star, Chum Drum Bedrum, All Star, All Star, All Star, Never gonna give you up, All Star, All Star (Bloody Stream, Sono Chi no Sadame, Flying Battery Zone, Stardust Speedway, Stand Proud, Goku Black theme, Halo theme, The Apparition, Shovel Knight main theme, Hooked on a Feeling)

42) do you take any medications daily? I take a shot of cold hard whiskey when I get up (nope I dont have anything)

43) what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) The largest organ of my body I’ll tell ya that much (I honestly dont know?? Smooth and soft I guess?)

44) what is your biggest fear? The Communists lol jk Communism is the only way (I’m not so sure on this one gonna be honest I do fear something I just cant think of it at the moment)

45) how many kids do you want? I mean I’m a 16 year old teenager in high school with no job and no relationship that being said 5 (NONE EVER NOPE 0 KIDS)

46) whats your go to hair style? Super Saiyan 3 (Idk I just kinda comb it to the left)

47) what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) All Star. Wait fuck wrong quest- (Two floor medium sized house)

48) who is your role model? Uuuuuuuuhhhhhh (uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh)

49) what was the last compliment you received? A like on my post we did it guys we hit one like so I’m here making this 1 like special (I was told that everytime my friend see’s my dyed hair it absolutely makes his day :D)

50) what was the last text you sent? Yeah that’ll be $5000 for the kill nice doing business with you (Maaaannny pictures of Genji Shimada)

51) how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? WHAT SANTA ISNT REAL????!!!!!?!?!?! (It kinda faded over the years my last strands of belief were gone by 12)

52) what is your dream car? Odie’s car from Garfield Kart (The Mach 5 from speed racer there’s a street legal car look it up)

53) opinion on smoking? Jotaro does it so I do it too (PSA: Smoking doesn’t make you cool or look cool you’re just killng your lungs. I won’t try and make you stop as long as you’re aware I don’t want you smoking around me and you understand the consequences)

54) do you go to college? After that SAT I meeeaaaaannnn McDonalds might be hiring (I’m still in High School but I want to)

55) what is your dream job? To stand in a corner for 8 hours with a lamp shade over my head and make a clicking sound every so often (I would like to be able to draw, animate, design and/or play games for a living. Achievement Hunter would be a fantastic job but I doubt that’s happening)

56) would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? I wanna live in a cloud In the sky and abduct people to harvest their DNA and make clones which I can fight to the death with (eh somewhere quiet and disconnected from people tbh)

57) do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? They fetch pretty high prices on eBay you’d be surprised (Nope I dont use them at all I bring my own and take my own)

58) do you have freckles? My face is a giant freckle little known fact (not really thank god I would look real bad with em)

59) do you smile for pictures? *leans in* I’m gonna let ya in on a secret kid. I wait until the photographer is just about to take the picture and then I hold a middle finger over my face to block the proper shot. Do it enough times then they’ll be payin YOU to get the picture done (I do but I only open my mouth slightly)

60) how many pictures do you have on your phone? They’re all of people I’ve killed because they showed me a stale meme dont worry about it (960 exactly and they’re all either memes, fan-art, or my cute friends)

61) have you ever peed in the woods? Ew no I don’t go outdoors thanks (Yep once on a school field trip in which we hiked to the top of a mountain it was fun)

62) do you still watch cartoons? Well I mean SOME ONE spoiled my belief in Santa earlier so I’m a bit too old for that now. I have a boring desk job thanks LAZLO (I do spongebob is really funny to me still and I LOVE the original Teen Titans)

63) do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? McWendy’s next question (I dont eat either so)

64) Favorite dipping sauce? Drip dip dip I’m boutta rip please i want to die (I dont use dipping sauce either call me a heathen all you want)

65) what do you wear to bed? Well I take off the clothes I wore for the day, take off my earring, ring, necklace, eyes, hair, 3 layers of skin, and call it a night (Pajamas mostly and sometimes sweatpants)

66) have you ever won a spelling bee? *Obligatory Bee Movie Joke* (I’ve never even heard of a spelling bee in any of the schools I’ve been to)

67) what are your hobbies? Well I like to kill all mortals #ZamasuWasRight (I enjoy martial arts, drawing, video games, game design, and walking around my house with nothing to do)

68) can you draw? UH BOI YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ART IS UNTIL YOUVE SEEN A SHITTY JOJO DRAWING OF MINE (I mean yeah but not well)

69) do you play an instrument? Electric Triangle (Actually, I play the Violin but not super well)

70) what was the last concert you saw? SORRY WHAT I CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THE CONCERT (I’ve never been to one that seems like the opposite of fun for me personally I hate hyper loud music, people, and crowds)

71) tea or coffee? Coftea next question (tea. I don’t drink caffeine if i can help it)

72) Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I need my sugar sonic rings (Again, Don’t drink caffeine)

73) do you want to get married? I’m already getting married. MARRIED TO THE LIFE OF CRIME THAT IS UP TOP (I mean I would like to one day)

74) what is your crush’s first and last initial? My Self (I don’t have anyone I’m crushing on)

75) are you going to change your last name when you get married? What’s crimes last name? Smigglesworth? (If my partners last name is something with an S cuz then I can be PJS)

76) what color looks best on you? You know the color mario turns when he uses the super star? T-that (Pink and Black)

77) do you miss anyone right now? PPFFFFFT NOOOOO WHATS A FEEL *CRIES* THOSE ARENT TEARS ITS JUST SWEAT IVE ANSWERED A LOT OF QUESTIONS OKAY (I miss all my internet friends :( *cries*)

78) do you sleep with your door open or closed? It is neither open nor closed it is in a hyper dimensional state between open and closed in which no mortal can enter or exit but also cannot be blocked from passage (clooossed because otherwise the cats are gonna kill my fish)

79) do you believe in ghosts? I mean how else would I make a long and successful career as a ghost buster (I do!)

80) what is your biggest pet peeve? My pet, Peeve! Biggest one I know! (depends on for what tbh the other day a guest speaker was talking to the class and this kid was playing music in his headphones really really loud and it pissed me off)

81) last person you called? Called what? Called them a nerd? A good bean? A meme? MAKE MORE SENSE YOU ******* **** *** ******** (Well according to my phone, the name listed is “Mom”)

82) favorite ice cream flavor? I’ll ice your cream if you’re not careful (Vanilla with chocolate syrup mixed together is hella everyone GO TRY IT)

83) regular oreos or golden oreos? The fuck is a golden oreo?? (No seriously, what the actual is a golden oreo)

84) chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? *mario invincible star song plays as I flash color and dash down rainbow road* I’ll have to think about it (rainboooowww!)

85) what shirt are you wearing? Well I…. You see… The thing is…. excuse me for one second (yeah I can’t think of sass to this one but my favorite shirt! Sonic mania that my friend Tasha bought for me and I love it!!!)

86) what is your phone background? RYUJIN NO KEN WO KURAE!! “What do you think of this color? Is it not beautiful?” If you dont know those HOW DARE YOU LEARN THEM AND WE ARE WATCHING DRAGON BALL (Genji lock screen and Goku Black home screen)

87) are you outgoing or shy? Does THIS answer your question >:D (Outgoing when I want to be, but I’m antisocial so it’s like I CAN be outgoing and personable but it’s highly on my terms ya feel?)

88) do you like it when people play with your hair? My hair is a pride to my race the Saiyans hair is a sacred thing I will advise you not to touch it (YYYEEESSSS I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT BUT THAT HARDLY EVER HAPPENS)

89) do you like your neighbors? …..the what? Never heard of it before is that a type of appliance? (I mean they’re chill we don’t interact a lot which I’m cool with)

90) do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Nothin can cure this ugly face fest of spring 2018 (I use face wash when I shower which is typically right after school not sure why it matters but there ya go :V)

91) have you ever been high? “I’m high on LIFE maaaannn” -Incorrect Shaggy quotes (N o p e never have don’t plan on it)

92) have you ever been drunk? shots ShotS SHOTS SHOTSSHOTSHOTS (nope but I will one day maybe in College years)

93) last thing you ate? The shattering realization that my friends will keep saying OWO to me every chance they get (Pancakes! asked for french toast but I loooove the breakfast food so no complaints)

94) favorite lyrics right now someBODY Once Told Me The World Is Gonna Roll Me… (The lyrics to Bloody Stream dude it’s a g r e a t op)

95) summer or winter? Sorry I’m on Mars weather its ZXAR right now (eeehhhh winter cuz then I have an excuse to be inside and it’s also the ski season)

96) day or night? I am the darkness. I am the night. I am BATMAN (Night honestly I’m a fan of the darkness)

97) dark, milk, or white chocolate? Plllleeeeaaase its like asking if you’re heart is pure of evil or not. Dark Chocolate is a sin (Milk chocolate is the best chocolate fight me on that)

98) favorite month? See, some may argue for their birthday months, christmas, new beginnings to the year, but I say there’s only ONE spooky time :3 (Altho I’m one of the fools that’s gonna have to go with March because it usually has my favorite kind of weather for where I live)

99) what is your zodiac sign I refuse to go by Zodiac signs until Ted Cruz is proven to be the Zodiac Kill————–”OLD MEME ALERT THIS IS THE MEME POLICE” “I AINT GOIN BACK TO JAIL” (Cancer! I wear a necklace of my sign all the time fun fact for ya)

100) who was the last person you cried in front of? Me after writing all these (Don’t know actually I try not to cry in front of people ever)

#Perrin answers #Thanks for the ask!#About me

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hopelesslylovesick · 7 years

Text

Perspective

07/15/17 || Cocaine

12:22 am

I just did my first line. I have the magnolia video going. I don’t know what’s going on....

12:29 am

Weeknd’s Reminder never sounded so good.

12:34 am

Going to do another line, I think I’ll properly start feeling it after I do.

I think I’m going to be binging weeknd for a bit.

Sort of fucked up but I’m looking so forward to being able to do my next line...fuck LOL

12:43 am

Time do another line, probably going to go do stuff for a bit right after.

1:20 am

I did a line earlier at 1, and did another one just now. Think I’m going to go through the True to Self album, I feel like it’s a dope vibe.

Also...I feel like I should have gone to the club with her tonight. How could I have left her on her own, trusting the people there to take care of her was a mistake...fuck I just hope she’s okay. She deserves to be happy. She really does.

I opened all the usual tumblr pages...I think I’m going to read old stuff again, that always helps somehow....

1:29 am

I’ve been reading her written posts on insta. I feel a little nauseous. Think I’ll do the line anyways, might numb it away......

Also, I’m probably going to end up reading again what she said to me that night when I told her everything... It seems to be almost a routine at this point....Fuck

Just did the line.

1:37 am

I feel so...strange. Not physically speaking but, just very....unsure? I don’t even know what to call this. Think I’ll do the line early and do it now.

Reading our old messages, the early ones where it was still a surprise to her for me to be the way I was....

Fuck, she just called me asking me where he is. She’s so drunk. I’m really praying someone is there to take care of her and make sure she’s okay...fuck I should have gone tonight.

I feel like looping Nevermind This Interlude. I also barely debated doing more lines. This is so fucked, fucking hell.....

1:51 am

Time to do a line.

Reading really old posts, like from the first couple months when I first met her. Also switched to Rolling Stone now.

I hope she’s okay

Haha that’s pretty funny in a weird, throwback kind of way. I totally forgot that the way I used to hint to her I wasn’t okay was telling her I was thinking whenever she asked me what I was up too. That seems like so long ago, yet not at the same time....

Switched to High for This

2:01 am

Not sure why, but felt like listening to it so switched to Keep the Family Close. Also going to do a line now.

Reading the messages when I was considering OD. It’s honestly pretty interesting to read these convos, gives a really peculiar feeling.

She’s been texting me every once in a while throughout the night about how she misses him...damn.

Drake’s Freak In You remix was a good choice.

2:12 am

Going to do a line now. Probably going to start listening to party for a bit now.

God...I found the messages of when I told her I knew and I instantly felt sick....That pain...that whole experience was something I don’t ever want to go through again.

2:23 am

Started listening to Ed like 5 minutes ago. She also just called, taking her friend home, so probably going to call her again to keep her company just in case. Also, going to do a line right now.

2:35 am

Did another line. I’m trying to make sure she’s okay but she’s not sober at all fucking hell.

2:44 am

Shit, I feel like she might have noticed that I’m not sober, or at the very least that somethings off when I called her. My voice didn't come out right because my throat is fucked. Hopefully she’s drunk enough to not remember this...

I should have fucking gone tonight, why is it that the one night I don’t go this happens, fucking hell I’m just going to always go now just in case.

2:47 am

Interesting, because I was listening to Ed for a bit, I’m listening to his Say It cover. I’m not mad tho, it’s so good anyways. Also going to do a line now probably. Also I’m praying either one of her friends finds her or she somehow gets home.

Fuck I can’t reach her. Also listening to Say You Won’t Let Go, but going to switch to You’re Beautiful now.

Holy shit, it’s amazing live. I think I like it better then the normal version, the acoustic vibe just fits the song perfectly.

Also, still super anxious about her.

I reached her, thank god. I think...

Also, I just went through a bunch of 2000s classics, like Jason Mraz’s Lucky and what not. Listening to You Found Me now haha.

Why won’t she pick up, wtf. I’m hoping so bad she’s okay. Hopefully she gets found soon. I’m so fucking worried, dammit.

I totally forgot about The Script’s Breakeven. This is definitely a classic as well.

2:58 am

Just switched to No Doubt. Felt like a different vibe. Going to do a line now as well.

God, this song is so good as well. Think I’ll listen to Creep next.

NEVERMIND, I just remembered Dido’s White Flag was a thing. This is actually a childhood throwback. Wow....that’s crazy. I feel like listening to Nickleback’s Photograph next, their old stuff was actually great, LOL

Gotta listen to Stan real quick before that, that chorus is the stuff of legends.

Forget Photograph, How You Remind Me is the real banger from them, so many memories associated with this single song. Just chilling in the old house’s basement as a kid. God, that was actually such a great time. Everything so much more simple....

Also haven’t been able to reach her for a bit now again, shit.

Listening to Creep now, it sounds so good. Think I’ll listen to the cover after this.

She was with the fuckboy from tinder. Really. Fucking hell. Fucking. Hell.

3:08 am

I’m doing a line.

Listening to Every Breath You Take now, idk why but yeah. God I’m lowkey so fucking annoyed. Holy shit. I want to like, beat the shit out of something LOL.

Okay, I’m going to try calm down. Cause being mad literally doesn’t do anything. I can’t do anything rn anyways. Listening to Musiq’s Love now, this song will definitely do the trick.

Old school R&B is actually one of the greatest things. It’s just so good. It’s both so emotional yet so sonically amazing as well. If anything, the fact that it’s still popular now and sampled by so many modern artists is a clear indication of it’s impact and how timeless it is. Think I’m going to listen to more old R&B. Probably start of with Ne-Yo or something.

On Boys II Men now, End of the Road is one of those classics that everyone just knows, but it’s also actually a good song at the same time. Another timeless song.

3:19 am

Haven’t heard from either of them for a bit now, getting anxious and worried again, fuck. Also on Tamia’s Officially Missing You, the original never sounded this good to me, it’s so smooth. Think I’ll still listen to the cover though, but goddamn is this good.

Also, going to do a line now.

I listened to the studio version of the cover for a bit, but I feel like live could be better so switched. Oh it’s definitely better, in some ways at least. Feels more intimate, more personal.

Well I just emptied whatever was left int he bag, which wasn’t much to be honest. This is so fucked. Also think I’m going to listen to Taeyang song, then GD’s. Youtube suggested pulling through hard right now.

3:29 am

Why have none of them updated me, holy shit I hope everything is okay...

Listening to GD’s That XX, probably going to switch the song when I do a line though. Speaking of which, I have the last 3 set up now. I already know I’m going to lowkey crave more once I finish it. Whatever....

Went with Sam Smith’s Lay Me Down. It’s....I don’t know what to call what I’m feeling, but it’s almost putting things into perspective, in a weird sort of way.

3:31 am

Doing a line now.

Listening to I’m Not The Only One now....it just feels right to now...

Holy shit I just realized how much I texted her. I think it’s fine though, shouldn’t make her too suspicious. She is lost downtown late at night after all. It’s an appropriate response....

Just finished reading all of our conversation from when I told her. I left off near the end earlier and forgot. I don’t know how I feel. Probably because of the numbness. Also been listening to When I Was Your Man. Think I’ll switch soon though.

I don’t know if it’s the coke or I’m just remembering wrong, but a lot of songs seem to be faster then I remember. Like the one I’m listening to right now, Stay.

Also, I feel strangely sober, like super awake, although that’s definitely the coke doing that LOL. Like a 99.99999% chance that it’s the blow.

I see why people love Love On The Brain so much, it’s pretty good. Not amazing though. Now I feel like listening to Rihanna’s best hits.

Take a Bow is such a throwback, holy.

Suddenly just got the urge to listen to Halo. Probably will go to Adele after this.

3:41 am

Time to do another line. Going to turn up Halo a bit more, this song needs to be heard in a way that it feels like it’s just fulfilling.

Just set up the last line, as in gathering all the stray stuff around it. I’m really hoping she’s okay...fucking hell. He’s not responding either.

Took a quick detour and listening to No One right now. Also, I’m pretty much fully convinced the white is making the songs feel like they have a faster beat they they really do. No way No One was this fast.

3:46 am

And now it’s time for the end. Listening to Someone Like You right now. Think I’ll switch to the live version soon though. It’s just so good. Feels so much more real, genuine, so much more personal. It also sounds better in some parts I feel like.

3:52 am

She just called me and told me how it wasn’t supposed to be like this, how he was genuinely unhappy. How she felt so dirty. What can I do. What am I supposed to do. Fucking hell. I’m going to play the live version now and just do the last line. I wish I had more. Might even drink...

3:58 am

I should have done the line a bit ago, but I feel like I should wait for the right moment. It just feels like the right thing to do...

I hope she really does call back...

Also I think she might suspect something, not surprised tbh. I told her I’m tired and I’m still up, just doesn't really add up....

4:00 am

She just called, she’s all good and safe. Thank god. Time to end off my night too I guess...if I even can.

Did the line, the end is always a weird feeling. I’m debating if I should listen to this one more time and try to gather my thoughts like I used too. That was originally the point after all...

4:12 am

She just texted me “how the fuck u know”

I don’t know what she means by that....hopefully nothing bad. Actually now that I think about it I’m pretty sure I know what it’s about. If it’s what I’m thinking everything’s all good, at least to a certain extent I guess.

4:33 am

She just called, she’s definitely bothered, and has a lot on her mind. She asked to text, I’m guessing because there’s other people around.

5:30 am

I just had a massive conversation with her. Haven’t been that deep and real with her in a really long time. It’s a strange feeling, but really familiar at the same time. Oh, I thought she fell asleep but I guess not. She just texted me she’s going to cry. Fuck. I hope she listens to me and calls me.

5:50 am

Still talking to her, I think. Yeah she’s still awake I’m pretty sure. I’ve constantly been asking her, pushing her to tell me, or at least decide. She finally did, cause her phones about to die so maybe that’s why haha, but she decided. She decided that she doesn’t want to leave him.

If I’m being honest, I can’t say I’m happy with what she decided. Of course I’m not, how could I be. But, it’s what she wants, what she genuinely wants, so I’m going to do my best to help her in any way I can like I always have been...

I find that lately I’ve been wondering, asking myself randomly why I’m still here. Why I’m still there for her as much as I am. I can’t say it’s just because she’s a friend, I don’t think any friend would do as much as I do, not even bragging, just how it is. I know I care for her a lot, that has never changed, and honestly dont think it ever will. She’s someone I just genuinely want to be happy, whatever that is. But...I can’t help but think, wonder every once in a while, if I do this out of love. Obviously I love her. You can love people platonically. People like close friends and family. People who you have a sort of unconditional love for, who you would do nearly anything, if not everything to make sure they’re happy.

But, it’s hard, it’s really hard to figure out where the line is between loving someone and being in love with someone. I know it’s probably the first, it makes the most sense, and it can’t and shouldn’t be any other way. I dont know why I’m starting to get confused about this again, although if I’m being honest with myself it’s probably because I’m trying to figure out what I feel for the other girl. I barely know her, but I feel like there might be potential? I don’t know what I’m saying anymore....

Lately, it seems more and more frequently....I’ve had the urge to just tell it all, tell her how I’ve felt, how I feel now, and everything I’ve ever thought. Everything I’ve ever thought and had to go through and endure and pretend was fine in order to maintain this precious relationship I have with her. This is, and can be enough for me. I can be happy with being her close friend. But I’d be lying if I said I don’t get the urge for more then just that every once in a while. Hell....it might be possible that urge is always there, but I’ve just subconsciously learned to suppress it, and shove it all the way into the deepest corner of my mind so I can’t ever stumble upon it...

Coke, for as terrible as it is for all the obvious reasons, really does help me express all my feelings, properly, nothing held back. I don’t know if what I did tonight was a good thing to be honest, I can’t say I don’t have doubts about what I said, about the possible repercussions of it. But... I think it was better to say it then not. At least now, when it’s still not too late.....

I think that’s the main reason why I hate him so much. I couldnt really put a reason on it, because I wasnt sure myself, just knew only what I felt... But I think it’s because of what I thought what feels like a time so long ago... That he’s insanely lucky, to me extremely fortunate to have someone like her in love with him. Someone like her who would do anything for him. Someone who is amazing in every way.... I don’t know what I feel for her. I honestly don’t. Realistically, I’m probably going to sleep and wake up today totally disregarding all the things I just poured out. I know everything I said is the honest truth, I really dont believe that it’s anything but.

But....I just can’t say it, maybe I’m too much of a coward, maybe I waited too long and now it’s too late, or maybe I just dont really feel that way and Im just confused about my feelings. None of that matters in the end though, because you just cant go back after something like that.... Who knows, maybe you could, but I honestly would rather not risk it and keep what I have with her. It’s that exact reason that makes me doubt my “feelings,” makes me think I’m delusional. Because if you really love someone,...shouldn’t you want them at any cost? Or is it really love because I’m doing what’s at least best for her, what would make her happiest? I honestly don’t know. It’s something I dont think I’ll ever truly know how I truly feel about it unless I confront her and tell her everything.... Just have to find the right time I guess. But...I already know her answer. Doesn’t matter if I tell her now or later. She won’t ever be in love with me, and that’s why I think I haven’t done anything yet.

Because at the end of the day she doesnt love me, and I dont think she ever will.

So I need to move past it however way I can and be the most that I can be for her.

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