#idk maybe we're BOTH bad at it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rapidhighway · 6 months

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every time I come back home I experience new mental illnesses -_-

#its not even bad rn it's been nice #there's just so much horrible stuff underneath it all though and i think i just can't handle it #i think im just grieving my entire life every time I come here #and I've been just having these thoughts i guess intrusive thoughts about everyone dying tragically for the laste few days and it's #NOT FUCKING HELPING #idk it's nice we're all nice and both is happening but there's always some new info dropped on me that they just.#expect me to process by myself and i just end up crying at night all the time cause like what am i supposed to do #yeah sorry for venting again i was getting a bit better at not doing tht but i neeed it rn ToT #k i think i just need to go to sleep and maybe ill forget everything tomorrow or something idk #vent #vent post

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vraska-theunseen · 7 months

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google how to not be sosososo anxious all the time. its not even like stress that motivates me to get things done it's just like. i make a mistake and misunderstood instructions in class and my teacher is like "you were supposed to figure out precisely where 180 was before taping the draft and punching your marks" when i like an idiot guesstimated it and after a moment of me going "oh..." bc its something i can't fix bc i've already punched in all the holes on the part he's like "i think you'll be okay" and goes back to what he's doing and then for three hours im like he's so annoyed with me i bring things to him too much and ask him too many questions and make the stupidest mistakes every day he hates me. i ask a friend something and they don't respond because they're busy or forget about it or don't see it or any number of other reasons and then a couple weeks later i send them something else and they don't respond for a few hours and its enough time for me to convince myself i said something a while ago that they took offense to without realizing and they're ignoring me and i send another message saying "are you mad at me did i do something can you tell me what i did so we can work it out" and he's like "what?". a friend posts about people treating them badly in a way that's clear they're talking about a specific phenomenon or person and im always like omg are they talking about me did i do something bad and not realize it... and its someone i talk to so infrequently and casually it obviously would not be a concern or someone i've known for so many years that they would obviously come to me if there was any conflict that arose. help

#alex talks #one time that friend from the second example had to rescind an invitation for me to come to shabbat dinner bc he said his parents were #hosting an important rabbi and didn't want their sons friends dicking around in the house and i was like ok i get it and then another friend #mentioned to me something that implied they were still going to the friend's house and i had 2 class periods to stew and get anxious and #paranoid and think like does he hate me? does he just not want to invite me specifically? do his parents not like me did they ask him not to #invite me specifically? and then in advisory we're both just sitting there and im like 'so do your parents hate me' and he's like 'what????'#and i'm like 'jakob said they were still going to your house' and he's like '????? my parents told jakobs parents they could come and stay #overnight bc their parents are out of town so jakob has to come over' and i was like 'oh. sorry' and felt so bad about it for the entire day #honestly? now that im thinking about it so many times i've been like manic in that friends dms about something they said that i've made 10 #leaps of logic over so in my head they said a completely different thing but to them i just sound insane and like i'm taking them in the #most bad faith i possibly can. which i guess really i am but i just get so worried #hm i guess manic is a specific word for a mental health symptom idk how else to describe it like i call him and leave a voicemail where ive #worked myself to tears over something i can't even remember now. maybe hysteric?#nobody reads these right

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mulletmitsuya · 8 months

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i'm ngl y'all, dissaponted in some of you for not sharing the palestine posts

#i mentioned this before but some of you guys are nitpicking my posts or rb's and only like the tokrev ones #of all of my followers?#maybe 5% interact with anything palestine related and i'm not exaggerating #makes me wonder what kinda people i'm posting to #like is it zionists or people who don't care #they're both just as bad #idk it's a bit disheartening #yes we're here for shits and giggles but pressing a button will not hurt you i garuntee you #funny posts will always be here #fandom content will always be here but palestinians? dying as we speak #ffs i'm begging you guys please just share a fucking post #i have a groupchat cooking but like i said what kinda people am i posting to exactly #tokyo revengers groupchat #tokyo revengers

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bangcakes · 10 months

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#personal #i think that like... the dam's broken. for lack of a better term #or i guess the ice ???? idk man #either way. been messaging back n forth with him like crazy for the past few days #i just decided that like.... whatever. if i feel like saying something i should just say it to him !!!#and i think me being open has led to him being open....#god its so hard when both ppl only really talk when they have something to say JFJDJDJDJDJDJDJDJJD #like... i cant even make up a reason to talk to him. i cant pretend to be dumb n not understand anything. he'll know its bullshit NDJDJDJDN #n e way...... defs met my match here lmao. but really its been so nice just being able to talk to him when i want. bc waiting until being i #person was getting so !!@@@ long !!! like god. i didnt know i could miss someone so bad...... its so !!@@@@@@#gah !!!!!!!!!!!!#n e way. things are goin in the right direction #and hahaha !!!!!!@ i have a game plan to make sure we stay in touch too !!!!! me n one of my other friends promised to keep in touch with #each other and i was like oh should we invite everyone else. and she was like oh !! maybe ____ so i was like !!!!!!!!#so true !!!!!!!!!!@#gosh im so excited i really like them both so much we're all similar temperaments so ya..... ive wanted to make sure i keep them JFJFJFJD #n e way. we still havent asked him but hopefully he says yes !!!! bc he always sits behind us n im just like !!!! ik you wanna sit with us #so just sit beside us istg !!!! but ah ... i think hes shy #god hes so cute #and shes like not competition btw. like..... she has a bf. she knows i like this guy now (i spilled. i couldnt hold it in 💀💀💀). and ya !!#hopefully exciting things coming!!!

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toastsnaffler · 4 months

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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.

#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out #not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her #like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool #it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun #i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again #but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too #to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together #thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all #like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad #and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do #and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends #im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for #but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen #to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it #i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and #decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen #and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree #but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most #and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen #and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway #so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me #which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its #crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it #idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her #i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of #resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different #and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has

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hauntedtotem · 5 months

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I think the biggest red flag for me regarding the hopelesspeaches and lio convoy stuff, their entire group (especially lio) has near identical speech patterns and dynamics as my mom's online friend group. Which is less of a red flag and more of a raging wildfire tbh

#I listened to all the calls when they 'leaked' but I didn't know they were leaks I thought lio posted that stuff proudly #I didn't know that they weren't meant to be seen by the public until just now lol #Anyways I'm pleasantly surprised people are talking about how fucked up they were #Bc tbh when I was like 'oh this makes peaches (and everyone else) look like a bitch kinda' the first time I heard the calls-#I thought I was maybe being too judgey or sensitive or something?#But now everyone else is like 'yeah they are all being bitches actually' im like. Oh! So I understood right and wasn't just overreacting #Mostly bc lio was ranting about being a conservative Christian and weird 'nuclear family values' on one call and my immediate thought was #'oh gross Im too biased against this man to be able to look at this-#-discussion objectively. I'm gonna think he sucks regardless of the situation and therefore idk lf im a fair judge ?'#So it's cool to get confirmation from other ppl saying 'oh no ur right he sucks and here's why'#this is the 2nd time this week I got 'no youre not just overreacting. Other ppl are upset too' validation abt a topic. cool #//shade #I'm sure there's plenty of found family groups online that are great but so many of the ones i hear abt feel like a cult imo #My mom is in a group where this dude calls her and other women there his daughters like lio does to peaches and it feels gross to me idk #Ik everyone craves found family connections but. Idkk it feels weird to be taking that in a literal sense and calling them dad/my daughter #Feels like introducing unnecessary power dynamics.#Theres a difference between 'oh this person is like family to me because we're so close'#vs 'oh i am adopting this person and assuming a parental position over them'. that sounds unhealthy I think ?#Edit I just found out lio posted a response but it's midnight and I have a date tomorrow I'm not watching that rn lol #imo both him and peaches are bad and idc if one is worse than the other or whatever.#Peaches has been two faced for a while; lio might've taken advantage of her bc he's kinda creepy. They're both saying the other abused them #This is like jade and julian talking shit about each other to me. Idc guys I hate both of u srry <3 #Iykyk

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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fathers day is this month how am i going to inflict psychic damage on myself

#snap chats #we were cute and sillay even for mothers day last month #but unfortunately i actually love my dad and i miss him so the possibility of doing something a lil moody is very real #i love how i always say i miss my dad as if hes dead. hes not dead hes just scared of my mom which. fair we all are LMAO #anyhow esp when im leaning towards doing something focused on jo since last month was more for arakawa...#i dont have anything in mind yet but i have the semblance of an idea... its budding but i dont have it refined in the dome...#because i also wanna see if i can do something for arakawa too so idk if i wanna knock out two birds with one stone for one comic #or make two separate posts (whether those are pics or comics idkidk)#i always really like to imagine quiet moments between jo and masato- however rare they might have been in canon #oh wait im gonna throw up what if i posted that prison comic on fathers day #if i dont get any ideas i just might.. unless i get too impatient and post it earlier ☠️#anyway this is just a promise i will be goofy on fathers day. except instead of Actual Goofy i might post something Cereal for once #nothing i say makes fucking sense unless you know my lexicon fucking 'cereal' is my Cute And Quirky way of saying serious #because Im Cute And Quirky alright moving on #Being Serious and Emotional isnt my forte. im very bad at doing both so i of course try to be funny instead #bu maybe this once..... the jo and masato feelins are strong this month......#its cause my moms giving me a harder time than usual so of course im just thinking of my dad more and Now We're Here #alright im finally gonna finish my comm then i might get to cooking bye

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ante--meridiem · 1 year

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My current lack of offline friends is definitely my own fault for failing to put the effort in but in my defense, (a) I am so so tired and social stuff costs energy, social stuff with people I don't already know and like costs so much energy especially and most of the energy I have for that is currently being used up pretending to be cordial with landlord and (b) actively seeking out friendships has never actually worked for me*, every good friendship I've had has just kind of happened to me so at this point it feels like it would be a waste of energy I can't spare.

*In retrospect the question of why me approaching people I don't even like that much while heavily and unsustainably masking and projecting a So Very Sociable And Normal And Enthusiastic To Meet You version of me doesn't lead to close long lasting friendships is probably not that great a mystery.

#Personal #This post was brought to you by my reminding myself yet again why it would be a bad idea to try to renew friendship #With former closest friend better known to you all as first ex #At least until I'm completely financially independent from my parents since they're who he has a problem with #But god. It was so good having a friend like that.#I would probably think the current situation is fine for me if I didn't regularly remember and miss what that was like #There are several people here who I think I could maybe be friends with thougj #*though #The girl I've been on a couple of dates with but then we both got too busy with school so it fizzled is one #And also her girlfriend (we're both poly no one's cheating) seems very nice #& they were very fun to talk maths with. But I just. No energy.#There's also the guy I'm taking a reading course with #But he slightly intimidates me + idk how to approach him for anything besides maths #This post may he deleted if I regret exposing you to my whining

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infizero · 11 months

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grian: "i'm not gifting you the heart, i'm giving it to someone SPECIAL."

(silence)

scar: (hangs his head) "wow..."

grian: "aw ok i'm sorry- no no i'm not even gonna fall for this, i got guilted into helping you out last time, and you got a ton of stuff! i'm not being fooled"