#idk this is a bit stream of consciousness but i am having a big think rn

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

like I feel like Sugar's "did you know I recently had a brother die, too?" does say a lot about how stuck in his own head Carmy can get but at the same time i don't think he's completely oblivious. the thing i keep coming back to is that he's actually very emotionally intelligent/intuitive, like he can read a room and empathize with people and on some level understand what they might be feeling, it's just that when it comes to trying to talk about it he completely stalls out. which is actually a major thing that's showcased in episode 5, is that he's really good at picking up on and kind of working with/bouncing off other people bc he is kinda intuitive like that!! it's just the communication aspect of it all that he sucks at. so you end up with stuff like the opening scene with Syd, just this kind of unspoken communication and half-finished sentences (bc I think she kind of has a similar intuition, just that her thing is that she can't NOT discuss stuff, which can be both good and bad as, ya know, anything can, but that's a different post), and you end up with that interaction he has with Tina about his mom and the smacksmacksmack of the spoon against his palm bc he can't figure out how to say what that conversation makes him feel, or you end up with him knowing that Sugar is gonna be upset and trying to mitigate that (to cut back on stress for himself but also maybe for her, too; like, to spare them both the argument), and you end up with the conversation he has in the alley with Marcus. like, yeah Carmy may be absolute crap at talking about feelings (even the scene with Marcus steers mostly away from emotions talk; except for the one line about making all his anxiety go away, it's all very grounded in actions and happenings) but he's not stupid. he's actually REALLY good at reading people, he's just crap at communicating. (but the thing is, he TRIES. he's Aware that he sucks at this and he is TRYING for his own sake and for the sake of everyone around him. and that's like... half the point, isn't it? choosing to get better [at things, or just in the way of healing]?)

[whiskeyswifty]

I regrettably don’t listen to Hits Different enough and I didn’t drag myself to target to buy the cd so only rarely do I find myself listening to it. which is such a shame bc it’s suuuuch a good fun bop of a drunk girl at a party sulking around in remorse but looking hot while doing it

anyway, I wanted to hear your big-brained thoughts on the track because I always love your take 🫠

i don't either! i wish it was on streaming so i can just listen wherever i want and on whatever device i'm on. and i CANNOT be bothered to go to target to by it lmao i'm not in the demo that will do that for her anymore, sorry miss swift. it is so fun though!! the best song on midnights by a mile. idk if i have any like bigger picture thoughts or super deep reads, but sure haha i'll share what i have. I did make a post recently about one line in it over here.

right off the bat i loved the instrumentation. it sounds just like a 2000s romcom/teen movie ending song or like theme song. which is a time i'm very nostalgic for as a 90s/2000s kid so it just warms my heart! and i think is a great contrast to offset the woe-is-me lyrics of the song that makes it instead more silly melodrama. as if to further get through to the audience that she really is just that one friend who's like hung up on her ex and in that stage of the breakup. it's not that serious just put her in a car and send her home. very like end of 500 days of summer type shit. to move on sometimes you have to grieve and let go in 10 different ways and it swings like a pendulum and you're kind of a wreck and impossible to be around. but eventually, time heals everything and you'll sort yourself out. (also 500 days of summer GREAT breakup movie, very honest, and unflinching in the same way the song is).

and i love the lyrics because i love songs that sound like they were written in real time (i know they're not, but they SOUND like it). rambling and meandering and stream of consciousness songs are sooo my bag. also some lyrics sound like drunk ramblings or, well, 2 am ramblings, which creates a great landscape for the song's timeline. just her struggling over days and weeks to move past this breakup. and it's a bit intentionally confusing and messy, just like how real relationships/breakups can be. at several points in the song she blames herself, then them, then herself again, then swings back into desperation, anger, frustration, just a rollercoaster of emotions that happens during this experience.

i do think my favorite part though is the end of the rambling bridge when she sings in a sudden surge of self confidence "Bet I could still melt your world. Argumentative, antithetical dream girl!" and it's said in a bit of a manic tone, coming in quick succession after a snowballing bridge that culminates in this burst of confidence and instrumental crescendo. and it seems like ok! she's maybe coming out of it like, i'm great! you probably want me so bad but you don't DESERVE me. but then the song quiets down, her voice falls away for a few seconds and when it comes back, it's wistfully soft again, desperately deluding herself into thinking that they changed their mind and came back. she's right back where she started, delirious to the point of willfully hallucinating and in that moment, also realizing she's gotten to the part of the grief where she's lost her mind a bit and hit kind of a rock bottom of desperation. and to play it off, she sets it up as a joke and it's just so sad and deflecting and human to do that as you swim through the emotional muck, even if she's just being melodramatic. even if she knows it shouldn't still hurt, "make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding" it still does and it makes her feel crazy! but then the track picks right back up again with that jovial banger of a tune to keep the lightness and the almost cinematic thread of "life and love has it's ups and downs, but isn't that the common human experience that we can all laugh about?"

i think it's a fantastic song, in how it's construction is in conversation with it's lyricism. and what it's trying to accomplish is such a throwback, and in that showing how universal the experience of a messy breakup is and always has been and probably always will be. and how important it is to remember how it's not that serious, even if it feels like it in the moment. you're just in it, but it'll pass and it is important while you're in it to honor how it feels serious, even if you're self aware that it's not. you gotta feel the crushing grief in order to process it and claw your way out. in the mean time, your friends are just rolling their eyes at you like, girl we've been there. see you in a month when you got it out of your system and i'll stop by your house every few days to make sure you shower. and one day it'll make for fun fodder to put in a song so everyone can listen and laugh at the melodrama and say yeah, we've been there. it always happens but it also always passes.

[rooolt]

3, 17, and 41 for the writer’s asks?

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

I think all my fics tend to be very short one shots that have pretty defined scene breaks and such bc I get tired and am bad at plot. Being bad at plot also means a do a lot of weird stream of consciousness type character studies w/out any dialogue which have always been fun exercises for me. Also two separate times now I’ve written ghost hermie and have an idea for a third idk why I’m obsessed with it

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

as mentioned above im noodling around with another ghost hermie thing where he died in a fire and now haunts that house, a house in which a college aged scary and norm move into for super cheap, antics ensue. Additionally, I had a hyper specific gothcleats au idea that plagued me a bit ago that was a post canon thing where they’re the only two who go to college on the east coast together and scary does poetry and Link still does soccer and they like dance around each other and line for four years until in their last year of college they finally get together idk they make me sick

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

extremely difficult bc I bookmark nothing and don’t know how links work, but recently “I think it’s nice to be myself, don’t you?” By y2ksnowglobe has had a big impact on me and I fic that I will always remember was something I read years and years ago and have reread probably five times since is “hands cupping sparklers” by rosyredlipstick. I don’t know why it stuck with me as hard as it did but it will always hold a very special place in my heart along with “eyes reflecting fire” the companion piece

[mantarrayss]

march 4 eden

march is over. winter is over and spring is here. i was walking back to my place and i noticed that there were some flowers blossoming right along the rsf. they were just there vibrant asf. i was thinking why am i lowk really into seeing monthly recaps? idk cus like they really are markers for where u are in your life. and sure, i knew that ofc but like looking back to my "documented" thoughts are beautiful to me. i confuse myself; this is so stream of consciousness (im so jodi picoult coded, nah tbh def more sylvia plath coded unfortunately.). a very feminine way of writing. thinking back to when my therapist told me that i am 25:75 masculine:feminine. sometimes it feels like i have two wolves inside me. haha jk. human emotions are so weird. i think its so funny that human is an adjective. i remember my ap lit teacher had an issue with something abt the word human. i wish i could remember what it was. i hope ms. goodwin is doing well. march was so funny i think. i was thinking back to the start of this month. i went to the mom jeans concert w b and k (im not fully name dropping ok) and that was just so funny how everything came about. that night was funny and everything else just unfolded after. im learning so much about myself and my human emotions like never before. critical thinking is a must now i suppose. right now im super obsessed with a couple of things. all ive been able to listen to is the sorry mom ep called juno goes to the big house and dazey and the scouts' album, maggot. i think this obsession will continue for a bit thru april. my top song of the month was te quiero por hombres g. ive been hella corny but that song is so good. ive been listening to a lot of music in spanish now. i think it makes me feel closer to my parents. rn i've been really into the idea of kafkaesque. imma try to read more kafka when i have a month of summer vacation we'll see tho. oooh and also mercury retrograde has been on my mind but just superficially. tho, sometimes, it feels all too good for everything to be a coincidence ykwim. i feel like ive been most leaning into the thought that nothing is coincidence. is that a crazy thought? lets see where i am next month... currently writing this at the steps of the campanile facing the golden gate bridge (i feel like ldr in that specific audio) i guess this is where i am meant to be.

[minlex]

you are like.. literally just regurgitating 'all men bad' terfism. anti-men queer spaces are incredibly harmful to transmascs, amab nonbinaries, and non-passing (or butch) transfemmes, all of which are often bullied and harrassed out of spaces for 'being men' or 'man-like'. and it often puts transmascs in a position of 'admit you're not a REAL man and we'll offer you support, otherwise you're evil for being a man', which is once again, terfism. not to mention the way transmascs are often told we dont experience misogyny, or any other form of bigotry. it also reinforces the notion that queer men are vile, evil monsters that are not safe to be around. I've seen many amab trans people (nonbinary or binary) speak about how unwelcome (and even hated) they feel in those spaces, and as a transmasc who VERY MUCH gets harrassed by cishet men and deals with misogyny daily, i myself feel very uncomfortable around said people. idk. i just dont think that it's a bad take, but you do you. i don't mean to be invalidating or like. aggressive or whatever, so i am genuinely sorry if that's how i come across in this.

You raise a lot of genuine concerns, and I don't see anyone try to talk about this particularly in depth on here. So I'll try to give you as good of an answer as I can, and in turn I hope you'll interpret me in good faith (also feel free to DM me if you'd like). This is going to be fairly long, but I hope you'll read it.

To start of, I'm not a terf, however I do come from a place of understanding radical feminism and reading a lot of it. I wouldn't strictly place me in that box, but that is the main feminist theoretical stream I follow. That is with the understanding that trans women suffer under the same oppression as cis women, and with full understanding of trans women being women, and trans men being men, as well as non binary identities existing (I'll get more into that later).

When you mention "anti-men" spaces I'm a bit confused about exactly what you mean. What I am talking about is organisations with an understanding of patriarchy (not a perfect word, in Swedish we call it könsmaktsordningen which translates to "gender power structure" but you get what I mean). And use that understanding in practice with women-separatists spaces. These spaces can be permanent (with completely separatist groups), or they can be short term (having a separatist meeting before or after the big meeting, or certain separatist courses etc).

If this is done with a good understanding of gender and trans issues, it is good. And the separatism it self can look a lot different. The org I'm part of uses women's separatism for everyone who IDs as a woman. Including trans women. We also in some cases have separatism for people who IDs as women and/or are positioned as women. This includes non-binary people or transmascs who haven't started transition yet, or present more feminine. It's a practice that's taken a while to work out, and it's still developing to make sure it fits everyone.

However, as I stated before. Not everyone has that understanding. And in those cases it can unfortunately lead to trans people being disrespected or mistrusted, as well as a bastardisation of feminism itself.

It's deeply important to understand that men ARE NOT inherently evil. However. They are all raised in patriarchy, and all of them gain something from that. That leads to learning that women should cater to men from a young age. Often it's not consciously, most men don't actively think they're suppressing anyone. But they are, unless they unlearn that behaviour. Therefore, in our org during those separatist events, there's usually a meeting for the men to talk about how to unlearn the behaviours they've been brought up with.

This is an uncomfortable truth. It's uncomfortable for the cis men who have to unlearn their behaviour and come to terms with being raised as an oppressive class. It's uncomfortable for women who deal with the consequences. And it is especially uncomfortable for trans women, who often are made to feel inherently evil, or predatory due to this. But several things can be true at once.

Trans women are one of the groups absolutely most oppressed by men, they're more likely to be assaulted, murdered, sexually harassed than cis women. And they ARE women. Therefore, it's also equally as important for trans women to be able to have a room without men, to be able to talk about their experiences together with other girls, and make strategies to deal with that.

When it comes to transmascs, I share a lot of your experiences, and am well aware that a lot of feminist spaces have not come to very good conclusions when it comes to transmascs. To state that we don't suffer from misogyny is wrong, because we do. And my personal opinion is that trans men are very much not as big of a threat as cis men.

What makes it difficult is walking the line of both respecting trans mens identities as men (as they are), while also recognizing the very real experiences of misogyny they face or have faced. Most trans men I know would not want to participate in a women's separatist event, and I think it would be wrong to allow them into women's spaces, as well, they're men. But they still need a space to talk about their own experiences.

This has gotten super long already, and I don't want to make it unnecessarily long. But to be clear of my position, I think separatist rooms for women, and a good understanding of patriarchy are EXTREMELY important for any form om feminist organizing. And that does not stand in opposition to having similar spaces for, and respecting trans people. In fact it needs to, or it sucks.

Feminism and queer liberation goes hand in hand, but for us to be able to do that we both need a better understanding of each others theory and practice.

[revol-lover]

ok yall idk if anyone is going to know what I'm talking about but i have been making rambling posts on Tumblr since i was in high school since like what 2009??? and i first started writing poetry in 2005/2006 after my grandmother died and it was the first time i really used writing as an outlet but everyone starts out bad at stuff right and i still have those poems and they sound like they were written by a 12/13 year old because they WERE LOL but anyway at some point i decided that i could ONLY write depressing poetry i could only write about sad things and i guess that's still little true about me all my stuff always has an annoying undertone that I'm working on but also i think that's just who i am but LONG STORY SHORT I HAD AN EPIPHANY RECENTLY because I've been writing a LOT !!!! and i haven't talked to you guys in forever but I'm writing a book! and I've been writing a ton of poetry! and i even started posting my poetry online which is huge because i am so afraid of people seeing my work or i was but i'm less afraid now because I've leaned into big time fuck it energy since becoming an adult orphan ™ earlier this year but the epiphany is this!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have been writing stream of consciousness stuff my entire adolescence into adulthood HERE on Tumblr and i don't think you understand or maybe you do but i know there are others like me and i just want to say that SOME PEOPLE CONSIDER THIS AN ART FORM LMAO and if you work on it a little bit it really can be so i just wanted to share that with you lmao

[blockgamepirate]

Okay so, “Avenging Ranboo” thoughts, specifically re: Technoblade

tl;dr: I think this IS consistent characterisation, actually?

Also I’m kinda mad that I didn’t make that post I had been planning for weeks now but didn’t finish because writing is hard, because it would have tied very well into point 3. Oh well.

I know my friends have been posting about how Techno was OOC in this stream and that’s valid, I just kinda disagree.

1. The Red Festival apology

I think this was a good scene actually? I mean aside from the one life reveal which was a bit awkward and felt forced, probably because he was SUPPOSED to say it naturally in the course of his speech but ended up missing that cue.

I mean, I am pretty excited to have that theory that goes ALL the way back to the canonization of the three lives system finally confirmed, I just think the execution was awkward lol. But yeah, the main issue against that theory was that Wilbur Word-of-Godded it out of existence like immediately after it was first suggested, but I’m frankly glad that we’re just allowed to not take Wilbur’s Reddit posts as definitive canon anymore. And that theory always made a ton of sense based on c!Techno’s characterisation.

But anyway yeah, I actually liked the apology scene. This is another very very old notion I had. Idk if I ever posted about this (it would have been like over a year ago if so) but the sense I got from c!Techno and the Red Festival was that a) he felt very defensive over the whole thing (for very good reasons) and frustrated that his allies didn’t understand what he believed had been a rational choice, b) he was at least somewhat traumatised by the incident and felt abandoned by Wilbur and Tommy and not ready to deal with those feelings even in his own head which is why he focused solely on point a, but also c) on some level, probably subconsciously, he still felt guilty and this is part of why he always deflected the issue with humour, pretending not to care, pretending like it wasn’t a big deal. Particularly around Tubbo.

Point a was pretty much confirmed during the Spooky Stream

Point b was pretty much confirmed during Doomsday

And now point c is pretty much confirmed here.

Point c is just a very natural human reaction to a situation like that, but at that point in his story arc, and especially with him feeling attacked and defensive, I don’t think he processed that at the time. (Tbh I don't think he processed point b either for that matter.)

And the thing is, because he wasn’t processing it, I think all the things Tommy and Wilbur and everybody said about him being a traitor, about how he shouldn’t have just caved to Schlatt’s orders, about how of course he could have just fought everyone, all that was left to fester in his subconscious and made the whole thing worse.

I do think c!Techno has some very fundamental insecurities about his own morality, despite his convictions when it comes to ideology. His entire pacifist arc is full of pretty blatant evidence of this. And I think it did start with the Red Festival, and then was later reinforced by November 16th and its aftermath. Consciously, he felt justified at the time, but it’s hard not to question yourself when literally everybody hates you and thinks you’re a monster. And hanging out with all these guys who are all about noble self-sacrifice, it’s enough to cause a nagging feeling that maybe you ARE a coward and a scoundrel.

And c!Techno does call himself a bad guy a bunch, often sort of jokingly or ironically, but it kinda betrays a sense of fear that he might be in the wrong after all-- or maybe not in the wrong, because he never actually doubts his own convictions per se, but just because he's confident that his convictions are good doesn't mean he's equally confident that he himself is a good person. And when the guilt becomes too heavy, he overcompensates, first with the whole pacifist arc, and now, increasingly, by adopting that self-sacrificial mindset that everybody finds so noble.

Which, for the record, is not healthy or good. Throwing your own life away when it doesn’t achieve anything is not helpful. But it makes sense why he would feel that way after being told over and over again that he should have simply died rather than doing what Schlatt told him to do.

And there absolutely is precedent for him going into extremes like this. I mean, again, look at the pacifist arc.

Because he DOES self-reflect. Maybe not always in the most constructive way but he absolutely does.

And even then it’s not like he’s forgotten point a and b. He brings both up in this scene. It’s only that now he’s giving them less weight, maybe because he’s literally just managed to process that sense of guilt that he’s been stewing on, subconsciously, for over a year. Just like it took him nearly three months to process point b but when he did, it was what he fixated on the most.

So yeah, I think this makes sense, I think it’s a good scene and it makes sense for his characterisation and it was something him and Tubbo needed to talk about to move on (not that they necessarily needed to move on but I can't say I don't appreciate it because I want them to become friends). And I'm glad he figured this out, even if the conclusion he came to is not so great, and even though I know a bunch of haters will take this as validation for their views on the Red Festival.

2. Him viewing Tubbo as a power-hungry dictator

Look, I absolutely do think that it isn’t that simple, and he’s always definitely seen Tubbo as a person, not just the representation of government. What he said to Tommy was that Tubbo might be a nice person who thinks he's doing what's right. And it’s true that he was very much willing to give Tubbo the benefit of the doubt during the Snowchester visit.

But I don’t think any of that contradicts the “power-hungry dictator“ thing, actually. Even after the Snowchester visit Techno was suspicious of Tubbo and wanted to keep an eye on him (which is frankly justified, the guy had nukes and was doing some pretty sketchy shit, like the entire interrogation stream after one of the nukes is stolen. Also Techno KNEW from personal experience that he was the kind of guy who would execute someone without a trial, despite the fact that Tubbo himself should really have known better than to condone such a thing, considering he was ALSO executed without a trial).

And during the NLM era Techno absolutely did view Tubbo as kind of his archnemesis, because it makes sense: he’s the president. Yes, Techno had some level of respect for Tubbo as a person (saying he did have courage), but I think it was pretty obvious that he strongly condemned the fact that Tubbo had exiled Tommy, no matter what his own feelings towards Tommy were. Techno was always quick to put the responsibility of Tommy’s exile on Tubbo, who HAD been the one to make that call and veto the decision of his own cabinet.

As much as Techno bullies Tommy in this era, there’s ALWAYS the implication, between the lines, that he believed Tubbo had wronged Tommy, and this is one of the major disconnects between Techno and Tommy during the whole Bedrock Boys arc: Techno cannot understand why Tommy still cares about Tubbo and honestly my sense of it was always that Techno kinda saw Tommy’s relationship with Tubbo as equally troubling as his relationship with Dream. Because from Techno’s point of view the way Tommy acted in regards to both of them was very similar and as far as Techno knew, Tubbo didn’t seem to care about Tommy's wellbeing.

Not to even mention everything Tubbo's government did to Phil and Techno himself, which would obviously give him a pretty grim view of the guy. (Again, justifiably so. Tubbo was allowing authoritarian notions to guide his actions. He was taking pages straight out of Schlatt's playbook, like the whole execution without a trial thing. Although some of the things the cabinet members did actually had nothing to do with Tubbo, to be fair, and the Butcher Army definitely wasn't his idea and in fact he originally opposed it. Not that Techno had any way of knowing, and I think he might have still seen those things as ultimately Tubbo's responsibility as the president.)

And going back even further, again, as far as Techno knew at the time, the people in Pogtopia who were planning to stage a coup d’état were Quackity and Tubbo. Those were the two guys he found scheming about taking power. Techno didn’t know that Wilbur had been misleading him into believing that Pogtopia’s goal was definitely anarchy. From Techno’s point of view, it could easily have been Quackity and Tubbo who had been pulling the strings behind the scenes and pressured Wilbur into caving, especially since Wilbur had the whole speech about how he had realised that government was not the answer, but that he couldn’t dictate what other people chose to do.

You see how that could EASILY look like Tubbo had pushed Wilbur into nominating him as the president? This kind of stuff is not at all unprecedented, historically. There have been a lot of revolutions that have been stolen in this way. Especially so since Tubbo and Quackity were both members of Schlatt’s cabinet who defected. Yes, Tubbo defected VERY early, but still.

And Techno’s attitude towards Tubbo while he was president and to some extent after it was consistent with this theory. He didn’t even try to talk to Tubbo after Tubbo was declared president, he just immediately attacked him and only after that talked to the crowd. Just the crowd, not Tubbo himself, as if he had already dismissed the idea of Tubbo as someone who might listen. Because I think he had, due to the logic I mentioned above.

All that doesn’t negate the fact that Techno understands that good people can be corrupted by power, that’s basically his entire shtick. So yeah, there’s nothing stopping him from seeing Tubbo as both a potentially good person AND a power-hungry dictator at the same time.

3. Locking Sam up in the prison

I’m leaving this last because it was obviously my least favourite part of the stream. Not a fan. This is what forces me to become a c!Techno anti now because this is the last drop. Can’t excuse shit as dubiously canon or isolated incidents anymore.

But was it out of character? For the guy who once went along with the plan to kidnap and enslave a random stranger? And the guy who once kidnapped and tortured a completely innocent bystander in order to get his weapons back from NLM? Nah, this is unfortunately also very much in character.

I know we tend to kinda gloss over the "hostage" streams, because they seem like "bits" (and frankly probably because they also make Tommy look very very bad) but I mean, those things were never decanonised, actually. Not that I know anyway.

So he has done this before, and if he was willing to do it to a completely unrelated guy he had no grudge against, why wouldn’t he do it to the guy he had ALL the grudges against? It’s perfectly consistent. Shitty, but consistent.

Revenge always seems to bring out his ugliest sides. It’s kinda like the part of him that thinks he’s a bad person just gives up and goes “oh well, might as well just be a bad person then”. And maybe that’s what the point of the obvious foreshadowing towards the start of the stream with the revenge exchange was about. Idk, I hope that’s the point anyway.

But yeah, as much as it sucks, I can see him going along with this, because sometimes he’s just too full of rage to stay true to his ideals. It might in fact be his biggest character flaw.

[kittimau]

Two things: 1. Can you share some of the wips and fic ideas you’ve got squirreled away on your laptop with us? 🥺 2. I wish you loved your writing as much as I love your writing and self doubt or overthinking stuff didn’t hold you back from posting. You are so talented!! Don’t let your brain tell you otherwise!!!

Thank you sm 😭🥺

Sure, I can share some stuff! I have a doc I fling ideas into whenever they hit me, no matter how detailed or small or stupid. PWPs, crack, AUs, slow burns, fix-its, etc. They're usually little more than stream of consciousness rambling, and sometimes just a link, or song lyrics, a reddit thread, meme, or fanart - whatever inspired me in the moment and made me think, "I should revisit this later."

To give you an idea what the former looks like (though I'll be honest, this is tidier than most lol):

Psychologist/Client Modern AU

Premise: Obi-Wan realizes he’s becoming attracted to his beautiful young client and tries to refer him to another doctor. Little does he know, Anakin has been harboring a crush for years.

Anakin comes in one day for a session and Obi-Wan seems off somehow, nervous almost. It's unlike him. Immediately, Anakin is wary. Before he has a chance to say anything, Obi-Wan gets right to the point and tells him he's referring him to another doctor. Anakin demands to know why and he won't give him a straight answer, or at least not one Anakin believes. He's heartbroken, but the more Obi-Wan dodges his questions, the more frustrated he becomes. Obi-Wan opens the door and tells him he should probably go.

As Anakin is passing by, he gets a little too close, and that's when he notices it. A hitch in Obi-Wan's breath, dilated pupils. And he knows. There's no way he's letting it go now. So he tests his theory. Boxes Obi-Wan in. Obi-Wan is becoming increasingly agitated, holy shit he's actually stammering - that never happens - not to him, the man who's always so smooth and professional and careful with his words.

“If you're referring me,” Anakin says, leaning closer, “I guess I'm not your patient anymore then, am I?" 

Obi-Wan blinks, eyes falling briefly to Anakin’s lips. “No,” he breathes, “I suppose you aren't.”

Anakin grins. "Good.”

And then they kiss! Blah blah blah cue the hot desk sex.

Okay, the rest of this got pretty long so I'm dropping the WIPs under the cut.

First, there's Troubled Water. I have bits of multiple chapters written already but most of my focus is of course on chapter 4. Idk why but I've been struggling with it. 😅 It takes place on a different point in the timeline than originally intended (it was actually ch3 but what was supposed to be a flashback ended up turning into an entire scene of its own and thus the whole club disaster lol). It's, again, so long that it will probably end up split into two chapters but as of right now I'm kinda wingin' it.

And am I being entirely self-indulgent by using my own OCs (and some friends')? Yes.

I'm a writer, I can do anything.

Also I just thought it'd be cool to introduce a new species or two lol. The GFFA is vast okay, there's always room for more. Anyway, here's an excerpt:

“Please, allow me to introduce myself. I am Da’riel of Clan Sarel. You have already met my Captain. The big guy behind you is my personal bodyguard. Don’t mind him, he only looks terrifying.” His grin takes on a mischievous edge as Bull huffs what might be a grunt or a laugh and he gestures toward the room he just emerged from. “And last but certainly not least—”

Another Dua’vian materializes in the doorway as though summoned, leaning her shoulder against the architrave. Her hair catches Anakin’s attention first; red as Queen’s Heart blossoms, it cascades in thick waves around shoulders draped in the black silk of a shirt several times too large to be hers, its hem halting mid-thigh. Her legs are bare beneath it.

Cheeks flaming, Anakin turns his gaze resolutely away.

“—this absolute vision is Liv Viventoly. If Preia is my right hand, Liv is my left.”

“What does that mean,” Anakin blurts, and everyone looks at him. Though Obi-Wan never rolls his eyes, the expression on his face is about as close as he gets to it. It’s a very particular brand of fatigue and mild annoyance entirely unique to his master, translated via a blank stare and slightly raised brows. He doesn’t even have to hear the “Honestly, Anakin,” aloud to know that’s exactly what he’s thinking.

“It means”—Liv straightens, smirking—“that I work in the shadows.” Anakin flinches back as she saunters past him and slides smoothly onto one of the tall stools at the well-stocked bar.

Like that answers anything. Why is everyone so cryptic all the time?

“What’s important is that while you’re here, know that you can trust them as I do,” Dua’primia Sarel says.

Obi-Wan nods, though Anakin senses apprehension through their bond. “We appreciate your hospitality, Dua’primia. I am Obi-Wan Kenobi, and this is—”

Anakin jolts forward. “Anakin Skywalker. We are at your service, my Lord.”

Sarel looks at his proffered hand with something like amusement and glides past Obi-Wan to clasp it with his. This close, he realizes the Dua’vian is an inch or two taller than himself—being somewhat tall for a human, it’s not an experience Anakin has often—and his eyes are a vibrant peridot green, accentuated by the black markings curving elegantly around the angles of his face that remind Anakin a bit of a Zabrak’s. A vicious scar bisects one eye from brow to cheek, long healed but still pink against his fair complexion, and Anakin spares a second to wonder if he got it during the war.

“Please,” he says, and is it just Anakin’s imagination, or did his voice lower in timbre? “Let us do away with such formalities. Call me Da’riel.” 

Anakin swallows around the sudden lump in his throat. “Oh—okay. Da’riel,” he repeats stiffly, hoping he isn’t completely butchering the pronunciation. By the way the man beams, he thinks he did alright. Da’riel releases his hand slowly, fingers grazing the sensitive skin of his inner wrist before Anakin withdraws it behind his poncho. He glances sidelong at Obi-Wan, but his master’s expression is as inscrutable as ever.

“Well then,” Da’riel declares with a brisk clap, making his way to the bar, “drinks?”

“Can we get down to business, please?” Preia says, rolling her eyes. 

“Such a spoilsport. Would it surprise you to know she isn’t always this uptight?” Chuckling, Da’riel uncaps a sapphire-blue crystal decanter and waves it beneath his nose. “Normally my dear Captain is the one pouring the liquor.”

“And I’ll drink you under the table like always once this threat is dealt with.”

“I shall hold you to that, my friend. And you, Jedi?”

“No,” Obi-Wan replies, a little too quick to be casual. “Thank you.” Anakin shoots him an inquisitive glance. 

“Ah.” Da’riel nods sagely. “So the rumors are true.”

“Da’riel—” Preia hisses.

“What?” Da’riel looks around at everyone, not contrite in the least. 

And his master was concerned that Anakin would be the one to say or do something culturally insensitive. He hides a quiet snicker behind his hand, pretending to rub his nose, and Obi-Wan gives him an unamused look before schooling his expression back to its artificial serenity. 

“Please excuse him,” Preia says, hip cocked, a finger rubbing against her temple. “He’s very—”

Liv butts in, “Reckless, blunt, uncouth?” 

Da’riel merely laughs, and Anakin can feel that it’s genuine. This is not at all the fearsome war General, leader of a revolution, and ruler of an entire planet that Anakin imagined. He seems close to these people, treats them more as equals and friends than subordinates or subjects, yet there’s still an aura about him that commands attention and respect as power or royalty would. 

Preia smirks. “Too honest for his own good.”

Whatever it is, Anakin doesn’t sense cruel intent coming from the Dua’primia, just honest curiosity. Despite the glare his master is drilling into the side of his head like he knows what Anakin is going to do, he can’t help asking, “What rumors?” 

“That you’re, er, monks,” Preia says, chuckling to mask embarrassment on behalf of her comrade and her own curiosity. 

“You know.” Liv sips at the drink Da’riel just poured her, not looking at them as she speaks, and Anakin leaks a pulse of unease into the Force. There’s something about her he simply can’t put his finger on. “No drinking, no fu—”

“Fun!” Preia hastily interjects, staring daggers at the other redhead. 

The corners of Anakin’s mouth twitch into a partial frown. They aren’t entirely wrong. He has his own… issues with the Order, with following rules that often either don’t make sense to him or directly conflict with his own ingrained beliefs. But it rankles for some reason, like he’s being judged, like they’re being judged. Mocked, even, though he doesn’t quite discern their meaning. Jedi are guardians of peace and justice within the galaxy. Maybe he doesn’t agree with the way the Order does things sometimes, but without them, without Anakin and Obi-Wan, the world would fall to disorder. To the dark side. People should be grateful—

“We are simply tired from our journey,” Obi-Wan interrupts his thoughts, sidling close enough that their shoulders graze, and Anakin exhales.

“My apologies, Jedi,” Da’riel says sincerely. “I am merely intrigued by your culture, as I’m sure you are of ours.” Obi-Wan bows his head in acceptance. “The hour is late. Preia?”

She hands Obi-Wan a datapad. “This contains an updated blueprint of the palace and map of the city, including the hidden exits and underground tunnels. I’ve marked the positions of my officers for each shift rotation as well as their schedules.”

Obi-Wan hums, stroking his beard as his eyes flit over the information on the screen. “And the evening of the festival?” 

“We’re tripling security, pulling from both the palace guard and local law enforcement.”

“How many of them know we’re here?” Anakin says.

There’s a knock at the door before she can answer, and Bull moves to open it, standing back to allow someone entry. It's a man Anakin recognizes. Tall and broad, with neatly-combed dark hair, deep-set brown eyes, and a kind yet serious face. His attire perfectly matches the regal demeanor flowing off him in waves, fine tailored robes of pewter-blue that swish around matching trousers as he walks. When his eyes land on Obi-Wan, a fond grin meets Obi-Wan’s public, Jedi-persona equivalent; a small, polite smile, though his eyes twinkle with equally affectionate mirth as Senator Bail Organa bends to his height to trade light kisses upon each cheek. 

Anakin knows from experience that it’s just a traditional Alderaanian greeting; it doesn’t mean anything. The Senator is a happily married man. And he’s pretty sure Obi-Wan hasn’t been involved with anyone in years, if ever. Whatever illicit affair he’d thought his master had with Vos was obviously just fueled by his own overactive imagination. He knows this because Obi-Wan never did meet the Kiffar before he shipped out for his next mission, and he hasn’t been alone with Vos since. Obi-Wan even stopped going to bars and clubs; stopped going out much at all, in fact, aside from diplomatic dinners and stuff they do on missions. Otherwise, he mostly stays with Anakin, and that’s exactly how Anakin likes it. 

None of that prevents the irritation boiling within his veins or the tormenting memory of a kiss that’s burrowed its way into his very soul, a kiss that should have never been, and the hollow, bitter pang that always follows in its wake.

Goosebumps prickling the flesh at his nape, he glances around and finds Da’riel leaning back lazily against the front of the bar on one elbow, sipping his drink and watching Anakin intently. Face flushing with heat, he plops into one of the plush chairs and out of the Dua’primia's view.

“Obi-Wan. As always, it is a pleasure to see you.”

“And you as well, Bail.”

“Now that everyone is here,” Preia says, “shall we get started?”

This is Da'riel btw:

"But there are no elves in Star Wars," one might say. Well guess what: there are now. 😌

Preia and Liv belong to @jacklyn-flynn & @charlatron respectively.

As for other WIPs; there's one I started before Troubled Water, though my focus was drawn to TW instead so it's been put on the backburner for now. The original idea was some kind of canon-divergent time-travel fix-it, but in the sense that Vaderkin's consciousness from the end of RoTJ returns to his body around the end of the Mortis arc in The Clone Wars. Can't say why that inspired me but it did lol, it felt like a pivotal moment (one of the shatterpoints I like to theorize about, change one thing and they're all altered via butterfly effect etc).

Like, what if he lived the future shown to him in that vision that the Father erased, and how would he react differently afterward, how would he talk to Obi-Wan and Ahsoka about what they went through on Mortis and the implications if he actually, finally understood and believed that he was indeed the Chosen One, how would they approach the Sith situation and the war from that point on... yeah I just have a lot of thoughts idk. I know that arc isn't a fan favorite but I personally loved the metaphor and the entire Prophetic Greek Tragedy vibe.

Excerpt:

“General Skywalker, come in.”

He feels… strange. Heavy yet impossibly lighter. Awareness presses down around him, suffocating, and a sharp pain lances through his skull as he draws the first shuddering breath in what feels simultaneously like mere minutes and several millennia. His mouth is dry, his throat sore, and his eyes burn as he slowly blinks into wakefulness. The crust of sleep clings to his long lashes, the salt-stained skin upon his cheeks pulling uncomfortably as he moves. He rubs them with a gloved hand and groans at the bright flashing lights of a console as they sharpen into focus. 

Wait—

He has a body. 

Moments ago he was formless and adrift, yet he is once again whole. And before that, he was… he was…

Kriff, he has hands. Hands he sees unfiltered, rather than through a tinted transparisteel visor protecting damaged retinas. And he’s breathing. Unassisted by a mechanical apparatus, by endless tubes and wires, no longer submerged under the ceaselessly distracting harsh rasp of a ventilator. Fingers flexing inches before his face, he blinks again, stunned. Not only does he have a body, but it’s his body. His limbs—well, with the exception of one. His gaze drifts slowly down to his long legs, toes curling experimentally in his boots. The sheer relief of it sends him reeling. 

Red light glints off his leather tabards and he looks up, expecting that any moment now, this will all prove another dream, a nightmare; a life free of that shell dangled temptingly before him only to be snatched away again. But the scene does not change. Dazed, he assesses his surroundings. A ship. He's on a ship? Familiar, Republic make. And there is a presence in the Force, a presence he has not felt in—

Hours. Years. An eternity.

Breath held, he turns. Only his head; as though any attempt to move this foreign yet thrillingly familiar youthful body will snap him out of this vision, send him back to that… that hell. And as he does, he sees him, a shining beacon of pure light, warm and bright and soothing. A man in beige robes, slumped in the co-pilot’s chair beside him, just beyond arm’s reach. Legs akimbo, elbows perched upon the armrests, hands dangling limply over his lap. His bearded chin is tucked to his chest which rises and falls in the slow, steady rhythm of unconsciousness. Auburn hair spills across his forehead, obscuring his eyes. But he would know this man anywhere.

Obi-Wan.

The desperate beat of his heart and rough, relieved exhale that escapes his lips seems thunderously loud in the otherwise silent cockpit. Fresh tears springing to his eyes, he attempts to stand—to go to him, to sweep Obi-Wan into his arms and feel his warmth, to surround himself with his scent and know for certain that he’s here, he's real, he’s alive—only to wobble and collapse back into the seat like a fawn testing new legs for the first time. 

How is this happening?

He feels himself, and not himself. As though he took a nap and awoke with another lifetime sliced into his brain, a vision he can't shake, an overwrite of his programming, and it's becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish between it and the reality he's presented with the more he struggles to process it—

A flicker of blue dances in his periphery, repeating a question, and it is only with great reluctance that he tears his eyes away from his former Master. The holo-projection of another man stands at attention in the center console, brow furrowed with worry. Fondness and guilt and confusion flood him with equal measure as he takes in his Captain’s, his friend’s, appearance. 

“General Skywalker, do you read me?”

Skywalker.

The voice of the last person to call him by that name, in that other life, echoes in his mind. It is the name of your true self, you have only forgotten. The son he tried to kill, to corrupt, to save. The son who saved him, and in the end, returned him to the light. Luke.

Clearing his parched throat, he responds, “I—we read you, Rex,” and marvels at the sound of his own voice, so crisp and clear and young, without the distortion of that burdensome helmet. “You—you’re a sight for sore eyes. Can you hear me?”

Fabric rustles behind him and he instinctively reaches for the lightsaber at his hip before the sleepy, curious brush of another Force signature meets his own. Gasping, he whips around in the flight chair.

“Ahsoka!”

She winces, rubbing her tired eyes. “Not so loud, Skyguy,” she says on the back end of a yawn, glancing around the cockpit. “What happened? We were—-mmphh!” Her surprised grunt is muffled against his shoulder as he all but falls out of his seat to the floor at her feet and drags her into his arms, then his lap, cradling her like a child. 

Face buried in her soft lekku, he squeezes her close to his chest, body wracked with silent sobs. All he’d wanted was to protect Ahsoka. To mentor her, as his master before him, and give her the tools she needed to protect herself and innocents across the galaxy. Brilliant, kind, stubborn and strong, and so, so wise beyond her time, she became one of the most talented Jedi he had ever met. Though they’d gotten off to a rocky start, she made him proud, made him feel honored to be her master. Watching her leave the Order tore his heart in two. Watching her leave him destroyed him. Already he’d been questioning the Council, questioning the Order as a whole and their damn inflexible code. But more than that, he questioned himself. He’d failed as her master, failed as a Jedi. 

The memories haunt him. For months he examined the shatterpoints of their lives together, in hindsight—every lesson taught, every battle fought, wondering where he went wrong, what he could have done differently, how he could have fixed things, helped her, kept her close—spiraling down, down into the depths of his own torment and self-loathing. Without Ahsoka, Obi-Wan had been his only remaining tether to the Jedi. To the light. A tether broken, in the end, by his selfishness. By jealousy and hatred and greed, by the fear of abandonment, loss, and… deep, shameful, unrequited feelings. 

But here she is, right here in the secure circle of his arms. His beloved young padawan, the girl he’s come to cherish like a friend, a sister, who he’d met lightsaber for lightsaber in that dark future but even then, corrupted as he was, could not bring himself to kill because he loved her so. Loves her still.

“Master?” Ahsoka murmurs, hands hanging limp at her sides for several seconds before hesitantly returning his embrace with equal strength. Too often preoccupied with and separated by the war, the opportunities to shown her such open affection were far and few between, usually coming after particularly difficult missions, brief brushes with death, and how kriffed up is that? Filled with regret, he promises himself here and now that will change. 

“Are you…” Trailing off, she reaches up to slowly pet his hair and he releases a quiet sigh, finally pulling back to look at her. Her eyes are wide and worried and so very, terrifically, blue. “Master, what’s wrong?”

Letting out a soft chuckle, he shakes his head. “Nothing, Snips.” The old nickname rolls off his tongue without even thinking and his heart clenches, this time with both pain and joy. “Nothing at all. Everything is perfect.”

There’s a crackle of static behind them, then, “Ah, General Kenobi. It’s good to see you, sir. Are you three alright? General Skywalker seems—”

He lifts his gaze to the co-pilot’s chair. Obi-Wan is awake and perched upright in front of the holo, staring silently at them with a frown so achingly familiar a tangled web of affection, longing, pain, betrayal swells within his chest. It hurts, it hurts so much to look at Obi-Wan like this, yet now that those eyes are open and trained so intently on him, he can’t tear his own away. And Obi-Wan’s just as beautiful as ever, just as heart-wrenchingly perfect and good. 

Too late, he remembers that their bond, while not as strong as it had once been, remains. Unlike most master and padawan pairs after the apprentice reaches knighthood, neither he nor Obi-Wan could bring themselves to sever it. They were at war, their connection was vital. It made them a better team. Until— 

His mental shields slam into place but not before Obi-Wan arches a single brow, lips parting as if to repeat Rex’s inquiry. 

“I’m fine,” he rushes to cut Obi-Wan off, “we’re all fine. Just, uh—where are you?” 

He can only beg the Force that his former master and current padawan did not feel too much, did not see the torment buried within him. By the way they appear to be communicating with one another like whispers behind closed doors, however, he’s sure they will have questions. Questions he doesn’t know how to answer. Letting go of Ahsoka, he clambers to his feet, limbs still trembling, and drops heavily back into the pilot’s chair.

“Standing by, sir. We were worried. You were,” Rex hesitates, “off the scopes there for a moment.”

Memories hit him in a rush. Chaotic, lacking order. He's in a dark room with his dead mother whispering poison in his ear. On a balcony overlooking a pristine lake, flowers scenting the air, one hand rising to touch soft skin. In a junkyard, fingers covered in mech oil, the ever-present grit of sand between his molars. At an opera listening to the viper beside him spit lies, lies, lies. The sky above shifts rapidly from day to night, and he's lost in a spinning whirlpool of stars and the obscene rush of power he feels as he brings gods to their knees. Then he's watching the silhouette of a robed man against the backdrop of sunset thinking look at me, look at me, please look at me, I need you—

Sifting through them is a struggle. Everything blurs together, and he can't control what comes or when, skull throbbing from the effort. His thoughts, his feelings, are an amalgamation of eras he can't quite reconcile; the slave boy, the padawan learner, the Jedi Knight, the General, the Sith Lord. It's too much, it's too much and he doesn't know who or what he is anymore and the panic is rising— 

A comforting hand settles upon his shoulder and he opens his eyes. Ahsoka.

“A moment?” Obi-Wan says, still staring at him. He shifts in his seat, uncomfortable under that all-too perceptive gaze. At length, his master turns to the holo. “We’ve been gone far longer than a moment.”

Rex’s eyes flit between them. “Sir, I don’t understand. You’ll need to explain.”

Ahsoka snorts. “You wouldn’t believe us if we told you.”

Still have a lot of mental fleshing out to do before it goes anywhere but there ya have it.

May the Force be with you, always!

As for the first part of your comment, really, thank you. It's not that I don't love my writing so much as the process can be difficult at times. 😅 I'm a perfectionist, and not by choice so much as my brain simply won't let things go until they feel right. Even after publishing something I have a very bad habit of going back in and editing it a dozen more times. It's very annoying! 😂

Sometimes that single-minded focus gets me stuck in a huge rut because I'm too zoned in on trivialities to navigate back to the big picture. Basically writer's block is the worst feeling ever and sometimes I get down about not being as productive as I should be. But I do love writing, and making people happy with my work gives me a lot of joy and motivation to keep at it. Well, I should probably get back to work on TW but I hope you enjoyed the excerpts! All your kind words made me smile and I'm gonna try to carry that positivity with me. 🥰

[dreamteamspace]

We hit 400 so here’s a- ✨ DREAM APPRECIATION ESSAY ✨

(by Yours Truly. Much thanks to the one, innocent anon who just wanted to ask a small talk question but hit my serotonin-providing hyperfixation.)

1. Self-esteem

I love the way he’s confident in his abilities when it’s become such a “trend” to either be completely and utterly self-depricating about your own skills out of fear of being labelled an asshole or overconfident nowadays.

At the same time you can still tell he doesn’t want to pull anyone down ever, and will always be really careful with that and take every oppertunity to lift up the people around him. Dream has a very emotional voice that gives him away a lot, so you can really tell he genuinely admires the people around him and he’s never afraid to say that they could totally easily beat him in something if he doesn’t have practice with it.

He tends to be a bit too hard on himself, so his friends always encourage him in his abilities, and that’s just. So nice. He celebrates his victories! He gets so so excited and happy when he wins in the manhunts, and I think celebrating your hard-earned victories isn’t something that should be villanized.

He won, and we should KNOW by now that doesn’t mean he thinks he’s somehow better than everyone. He has a pretty good eye on his abilities, and that allows him to really use them to the max.

2. Morality

He isn’t afraid to change the game! His adhd picks out a Cool New Thing and he just goes, You know what? Why not! His adhd goes “do this thing repeatedly another 3847 times” and he’s like, yeah sure!

Nobody expected him to release a song, but he just went for it! He’s been speedrunning so much, but he isn’t afraid to stream it every day 5 days in a row for hours while his friends bicker in the background.

Dream genuinely does the things he finds fun, but at the same time puts in so much effort to make them good and entertaining to watch and never forgets about his viewers.

He’s kidfriendly because he wants to be! Fame-wise, at this point he could definitly swear more if he wanted to (and he does when in other people’s content who don’t care about swearing), but despite that he doesn’t swear on his main because he wants his content to be accessable for everyone.

Sure, on one hand it could be for clout/money, but consider: Dream doesn’t stream the DSMP because he doesn’t want to take attention away from other people. He participates in the videos of his friends. He lets compilation channels and the like do whatever they want and even monetize his content. He lets his friends stream Road Trip on twitch as much as they want for free.

Dream doesn’t not swear just for his fanbase, but he does it because he has so so much respect for people. No matter how high he goes, he’s always consciously focused on respecting and admiring the people around him.

He has genuine respect for creators so much smaller than him, and he has respect for people in his fanbase that are younger than him. He isn’t afraid to go against the norm and STAND for that, either (see the video where he defends his stans).

And he defends his friends so much too! So much so it could almost be a little bit of a flaw sometimes, but I feel like he truly wants to learn from his mistakes. He apologizes for things even when nobody asked him to, and that just shows that he does it out of genuine guilt and fear of hurting someone.

He’s always seemed like someone who is genuinely willing to change to be a better version of himself, who isn’t afraid to challenge what he thinks and what other people think and what the norm thinks in order to improve everything for everyone.

Dream also doesn’t let any of the fame get to his head! As I said before - he’s confident in the things he’s good at, but in a way that doesn’t pull other people down, and he still remains firmly admirable of other people.

And even when OTHER people let fame get to their head (it was a while ago, but there was a video he made about five block jumps, where he added in a clip of a video of another guy doing it complete with credit and link etc. The guy was 100% alright with it at first, but when his video started getting more views because Dream’s video blew up, he started accusing Dream of “stealing” his content (when dozens of other videos of the 5 block jump already existed, and Dream could’ve just put in a clip of himself doing the jump)),,, but he insisted in his reponse that fame gets to people’s heads sometimes, nobody should blame anybody, he genuinely was never upset at him and just said that this just... happens sometimes.

He’s a very forgiving person all around, in part due to being willing to challenge his own norms and give people the benefit of the doubt JUST in case he’s wrong. He lets people enjoy things so long as they aren’t hurting anybody, like allowing people to ship him w people who are also alright with shipping, but at the same time taking a hard stance on, say, how shipping minors is absolutely wrong and should not be done ever (and he’s right).

3. Fandom

He appreciates said fanart and fanworks as well! He thinks dnf fanart is cool and he even appreciates the fanfic part of his fandom, something many ccs wish to ignore or forget it exists altogether (and it IS ofc in their right to do so or be uncomfortable with such content!), but Dream sees the work put into it and how people find connections and friendships through the fandom and appreciates it all the same.

He loves his fandom. So much. But not in the overdone, fake-feeling way I’ve seen other ccs be,,,, he’s just. Quiet and shy and genuine about it but not afraid to defend it.

He’s said before - and I QUOTE - “If you send hate to people or have sent hate to people, in the form of hateful comments or DMs, you aren’t welcome in my fandom. You’re no fan of mine”, which is the HOTTEST take he’s ever uttered and I love that. He really just went and said that. And he’s right. I like that despite how he’s usually more held back and waits things out before taking a stance, he chose this topic to really take a hard stance on and not budge and stick to it.

Pmbata has also said that he believes his fans have his back no matter what!! And that he really loves them a lot!!! And I am!! Emotional!!!!

4. ND/Adhd

He has adhd which is something I relate to personally (I have it as well sdlkfj). He gets excited sometimes!! I love how he shows being fidgety in mc, always pacing and parcouring around,, the way that in manhunts you can SEE when he’s thinking or bouncing back and forth between two options,,, or the way he gets close to people in mc to laugh with them.... He shows so much with his movements by them being quick and daring and calculated (and it’s especially hilarious to watch other people react to it in the video “mc but three people control one player”, where he’s the one moving and Sapnap and George will gasp or go “Dream!!” in surprise when Dream was THIS close to falling off a ledge, but he just laughs sdlkfjsdf).

When he’s not moving around he stands perfectly, perfectly still (which, idk if thats what all adhd ppl have, but I know I have something similar? Like when I’m nervous I’ll sometimes just. Freeze in place. No movement at all). He’s just relatable sdkjf.

There was one Manhunt extra scenes where he,,,,, stims by clapping,,,,,, the lil excited clap in the background,,, I’m gonna cry. I’m so soft for excited Dream that one is such a comfort clip for me!

He also tends to stim by getting under trap doors and then jumping back out of them, or jumping up a block and then walking back down over and over (especially noticable in The Village Went Mad tftsmp episode, where they were all discussing who the murderer could be and he was the only one moving, hopping up the log and then running back down again).

Also it is. Really Soft when he starts rambling and overexplaining something. What’s even better is that George, who is usually present at such moments, will laugh a little at his antics, and Dream will automatically laugh with him.

5. Rp/Uplifting other ccs

Dream wasn’t all THAT into the rp at first, but his server has been so strongly supporting and giving attention to smaller creators that he’s since completely rolled along with it. Being a villain in the RP is a difficult role because you will, inevitable, as much as it is just roleplay and all scripted, always get some amount of dislike from people for it.

Despite that, he’s basicly the main big villain on his own server where he let a bunch of theater kids beat him up in character and imprison him on his OWN SERVER. He wasn’t as into the rp at first, but has obviously been practicing and joins every Tales of the SMP when he can, despite getting zero clout for it.

What Dream also tends to do is find small content creators, see their talent and lift them high. His entire discord server is dedicated to give smaller ccs a place to grow, and when he first found Tubbo, Tommy, Ranboo, etc., they were much much smaller than they are now. He truly wanted to help them make it big.

He’s also added Foolish Shark and Hannah onto the SMP, both much smaller ccs (not tiny, but you get what I mean), allowing them to grow. He doesn’t stream on his OWN SERVER. He let himself get imprisoned to let the good guys win on his OWN. SERVER. He’s willing to play the villain and everything.

An interesting thing though! A lot of people used to/still do clown on Dream a bit for his sometimes uncertain acting,,, but when he’s around people he knows well (Sapnap and George, Tubbo and Tommy) we’ve seen him go ALL OUT. I have the theory Dream might be genuinely afraid to accidentally be mean to someone in character and have them misinterpret it sldkfjsdf,,, so he’s rly careful when he goes into the rp, and sometimes even when he’s in it he goes quiet, especially with other people around.

But also the fact that he needs time to feel comfortable around ppl is,, a mood,,, and adorable,,, sdlfkjsdf-

Apparently he’s also shared his youtube algorithm secrets with Tommy?? Which he had only shared with Sapnap and George before?? Dream took one look at that chaotic kid and immedietly adopted him as his little brother. He literally got up super early to rp the prison visit. Idk about ya’ll but I would die for someone first and get up horribly early for them second-

6. Friends!!

Dream?? Considers so so many people his friends?? And despite having so many friends, he also has his few closest friends (George and Sapnap) whom he would absolutely die for in a heartbeat. He WILL defend them with everything he has and loves them so so much.

He listens to them and really, truly wants them to succeed. He respects them so much and will go OFF about how good they actually are and how talented they are and how important they are to him.

I can’t even COVER everything about how much he is SOULMATES with Gorg. They live in each others heads rent-free. He mentions him all the time. They get!! So happy when they’re around each other!!! Their voices get so soft,,

And I can’t even BEGIN to explain the energy of Sapnap and Dream just moving together permanently. Imagine moving together with your best friend. Like, permanently. Into one house. They’re best friends Your Honor,,,,

Also,, remember the Techno and Dream rivalry? And Dream has recently said that he’s hesitant to make a serious manhunt against Techno because he doesn’t want there to be any feud between them or have them be compared to each other. He said that while he absolutely wanted nothing more than to beat Techno at first, now that he knows him better he just wants to be friends with him. He wants to be FRIENDS. With his, essentially, mc RIVAL. Friendly rival, but still. He doesn’t even wanna fight Techno or have ppl compare them cause he,,, wants to be friends with him,,,,

7. Vulnerability

What I feel like really sets Dream apart from some other ccs for me is that he’s willing to be vulnerable. He will tell George he loves him. He defends his friends. He sounds so, so genuine when he tells his fandom that he loves them.

What’s just really rare to see, especially in male ccs, is that vulnerability. It’s becoming more acceptable as time goes on, but it’s certainly not easy, and a lot of people become and stay long-term fans BECAUSE they can see how genuine he is.

I know Dream looks up to Mr. Beast a lot, for example, but honestly? I think he’s a little better than Mr. Beast. Because he feels more genuine, more bound to what he believes is right. I’m sure Mr. Beast isn’t a bad content creator! But ultimately they have different target audiences and I’m very glad Dream is the way he is.

Less of that insecure masculinity and more willing to be vulnerable, to care about things, to get emotional and to encourage and uplift the people around him.

8. Pure Brainrot

Green boi has nice deep calm soothing voice. Little shy laugh. Wheeze laugh. Gorg live in his head rent-free. He lov friends. He lov block game. He good at block game,,, a little shy but confident,,, big heart,,,, soft voice,,,,, rambles sometimes....

He also Gender. He’s so gender. I don’t know how else to describe it. I want That. Whatever That is. My gender is Dreamwastaken

[bluemoonpunch]

I just discovered your website and fell in love with your readings! I love how you give your insights and your approach to the reading. One thing I want to ask is does the group energy reading represent the energy of the group at the time of the reading, or just the energy as the group exists? This is mostly towards the Stray Kids group reading. I'm curious, because as a fan watching them from afar, I think there has been a dynamic shift among them. (1/2)

(2/2)This is not me asking you to do another reading for them though, and I also believe it's not the time yet. They are still in the middle of a shift that is not yet ripened. They are going to join a survival show with big exposure this year too, so they might drastically change as a group after that. On a totally unrelated note though, I let out the ugliest wheeze as you refer to page of wands as the Signature Jungkook' Card.

📕 Referencing:

Stray Kids Group Energy Analysis Part 1 (2018)

Stray Kids Group Energy Analysis Part 2 (2021)

A: Yes, any reading I do should be looked at as more of a "snapshot" of the state of things there at the moment of doing the reading, which is why I always provide the date that the reading was performed as well as when the reading was posted as I can sometimes do bigger readings a week or so in advance. I've done two different group energy readings for Stray Kids and there is a noticeable change between them, but, for example, before the first group reading for them I posted, I had done the reading a couple of times before that and got a lot of negativity which didn't really change that much between those first couple of readings.

It's good to keep in mind that with group energy readings, I look at what the individuals project into the group, which is sometimes a lot different from the general energetic projection of the individuals separate from the group. I then look at how those projections mix together, how they interact with each other, which can vary between conscious level interaction and energetic interaction. Then, after all that, I look at the overall projection, the general ~vibe~ of the group as a whole, how they function as a unit, what they are able to produce physically or energetically through the group projection. It can be quite complex and fluid, but there are many factors to take into consideration, so just because some things seem different doesn't always mean that things have changed in terms of their energetic balance and connection.

Of course, major changes in career or how things are done superficially in relation to their work and routine, as well as any dynamic changes with members leaving or even changes in contracts, can alter the energetic projection of the individuals and change up the overall balance of the group. So, for sure, in the future, I'll probably look into them again if there's a demand for it, but yeah, they do need some time to settle into new things before anything would come up as being different.

XXXX

Q: thank you for the reading!! I'm glad that there has been progress for them personally, that was good to see. I've been getting that vibe from them and it seemed like taehyung's core was no longer split so I'm glad that it actually isn't. I hope that even with the not-so-good energy that they'll be okay. the end of the reading had me feeling kind of 😔 it would make sense if it has something to do with any kind of enlistment. im hoping it's not disbandment. im aware it could happen but it'll still hurt lol i just want them to be happy either way =( but thanks again -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

📕 Referencing:

BTS OT7 2021/2022 Outlook Reading

A: Yeah, the reading was a bit of a bummer toward the end, but overall things were relatively balanced for them as individuals on a more personal level. However, I do think we're seeing a lot of that general tension now with how a lot of fans are responding to the new music, specifically their last three releases. I'm sure that's stirring up some debate and conversation behind the scenes both with the group and the company overall. So, it seems like one of those things where work-life can be a bit stressful going forward, but personal work and personal life for them can be relatively smooth and enjoyable, which can be more rewarding in the long run.

XXXX

Q: oh wow, I did not expect ur 2022 outlook to hit me that hard lol, I was hoping for something more positive for BTS but on the other hand they have been doing all this for over a decade so it's natural for it to finally come to close. still feeling emotional tho hahah -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

A: Same, honestly. 😥 But yeah, it tends to be a natural progression for a lot of artists that get that big, almost as if their careers grow past them and they just ride the wave the rest of the way. Still, a fascinating thing to watch play out over the years, definitely something to appreciate and be proud of.

XXXX

Q: love love love your dream and georgenotfound reading! I agree dream's reading is especially interesting, and an individual analysis on either of them would be amazing!! -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

Q: This might sound crazy but I read your tarot reading on DNF and remembered you mentioning Cecil? I'm watching their geoguessr stream happening live rn and just saw them go past a sign that said Cecil. I thought that was a funny coincidence -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

Q: Hi! All of your readings are so well written and I loved your reading you did on Dream and George and I was wondering if you could do a reading on Dream. You mentioned maybe doing one. -@glimmercherr

📕 Referencing:

How do GeorgeNotFound and Dream connect?

A: Yes, most likely I'll be doing an Elemental Alignment reading for Dream at some point and maybe I'll include some stuff about his birth chart as he has some underlying cosmic imprinting that I think is really interesting. And yeah, coincidences like that are my favorite, just the little things that pop up that seem to tie things together in a funny way, lol. I'm sure there's always some underlying meaning to it somehow.

XXXX

Can you do a mini reading on jimin and jungkook? Whether it’s more equal now? Idk maybe because I am a Pisces I have been able to read other people’s vibes (I call them ) better I am no expert but I feel jimin thinks of jungkook as like an individual grown-up but still would always see himself as a protector kinda like powder siblings too? Also because this doesn’t show up consciously Like they always seem like equal and above sand all in behind the scenes too? Can you explain or clarify if I am right? -Anonymous @ BMP Tumblr

A: Yes, things are definitely more equal now. There's a very interesting progression for them that plays out energetically and even as deeply as on a soul level, lining up with their personal development and separation from the Soul Body. Of course, with Jimin being older and having had known Kook for so long, I have no doubt that no matter what, some part of him would always feel protective of Kook, the only difference is that Kook is in a headspace now where he can be protective back, be more of an equal support for Jimin right back. And, I agree, behind the scenes when they're not performing and not "in character," they can definitely display more of that equalizing push and pull, more so reflecting their energetic connection on a conscious and physical level, which tends to show a very strong soul bond that is being supported on both sides.

If you haven't already, I recommend reading these readings in order as they can really display that development between them over the past few years:

Relationship Reading for Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook P1 (2018)

Relationship Reading for Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook P2 (2020)

The Internal Alignment of Park Jimin (2020)

How do Jimin and Kook connect? (2021)

[army-of-bee-assassins]

idk the point of this post and sorry it's gonna be very stream of consciousness-y but i'm having Thoughts about getting frustrated with what are definitely Good puzzle games and your experience being improved by having a friend with you who can give you non-spoilery hints. like i've been playing the witness which is just almost entirely puzzles and i've been losing my mind a little bit because i'm getting so goddamn frustrated. i know i should enjoy this game but i can't bc i am frustrated with its intentional lack of instructions and i've started looking up puzzle solutions sometimes and that was a big mistake cause it's ruining the fun even more. apparently the common advice for the game is to step away when you're frustrated and go explore somewhere else, so i'm gonna try doing that more, but it has been a rough start for me.

and i keep thinking about how a few years ago, i played the very beginning of the witness with my brother, who has played it before, and i don't remember being frustrated at all. cause he was pointing out little things to me or giving me little tips.

i also keep thinking about outer wilds. outer wilds is also a puzzle game, though it's more story/mystery-driven than the witness. people often recommend one game to fans of the other, since apparently they both give you a similar sense of discovery. i've played outer wilds and i'm obsessed with it, it's easily one of my top 5 games i've ever played.

but i have seen many twitch streamers try to play it and get extremely frustrated. the exact same kind of frustrated that i have been getting while playing the witness. and i keep coming back to needing a buddy to give you tips. bc some twitch streamers will accept small nudges. but most of them are strict about no backseating, and refuse any tips or hints whatsoever. and i mean with twitch, i agree that a streamer needs to ask for a nudge before the chat offers one. but some streamers just. refuse to ask for one. or they refuse to ask for one until they're already so fucking angry with the game that they're way past the point of enjoying it anymore. i wish those streamers would learn to prioritize their enjoyment of the game over needing to achieve some purity of never having any help ever. especially since a hint is just that, a hint. it's not the same as just giving you the solution.

what's also interesting to me though, is that i played outer wilds by myself for the most part. there were a few times when i played with a friend or my brother, and there were a few occasions when they gave me tips. but i never experienced the frustration that i've seen so many people go through when playing that game. and yet the witness is driving me crazy.

idk! sometimes you need a buddy (or chat) who's played the game before, and sometimes you don't i guess! i'm just thinking a lot about this. i want to enjoy the games i play. maybe sometimes you need friends to heighten your experience.

[lemontongues]

that is something I was thinking about recently, like. this is just stream of consciousness btw I don't have an important point here but. I've said before that on a public policy level I genuinely don't care what other people make in fandom and that is true, people should make whatever they want, but as a consumer I am. highly critical of both original works and fandom stuff skfndk and I think for me one of the issues I tend to stumble across in fandom that makes me go oh boy this is ooc and close the fic is like. characters addressing things too directly? idk if that's just me but I feel like I see it a lot, like fics where the resolution is an Earnest And Emotional Conversation where characters cry and/or confess their love/trauma/whatever when that is frequently. not even a little bit the vibe of the canon lol? like obviously there's lots of ways things can be ooc but that's one I've been thinking about lately, this tendency I see to wanna. reeeeally spell things out in in big block letters even when dealing with characters who are known for being secretive/gruff/indirect/etc. I'm sure there's plenty in that vein to criticize in my writing too but it's something that I really struggle with in reading fic idk

[marvel-download-tutorial]

How to Download Marvel comics for free!

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while especially since we’re all stick inside but last week Marvel made the shitty decision to transition various print titles to digital only, meaning they’re directly taking revenue away from local shops rather than delay the titles, so since Marvel thinks digital comics is such a cool idea I’m gonna show you how to download as many as you’d like! (oh also this is for windows only, idk how to do it if you own a mac but also you’re rich anyways so who cares buy the comics richie)

I don’t want to take money away from the people that need it, not the actual companies of Marvel and DC fuck them they’re dying and they deserve it, but for my own rationalizing I want to take a minute to plug the Hero Initiative, basically what it is an organization that provides for comic creators that are having hard times, comics are a rough industry and you don’t get into it to get rich, I won’t go into it too much you can read for yourself but it’s been endorsed by Stan Lee, Justin Ponsor, Mike Grell, Skottie Young, Rags Morales, a lot of big names, so I’d ask if you do follow this guide and download some comics for free please consider donating to the Hero Initiative (they also sell autographed prints and you can commission some really famous artists)

anyways onto the good stuff! I’m going to be doing a fairly brief but easy to follow guide, there will be links at the bottom of the post so look for those, I’ll probably be making a few other posts with some more info so also check back for those if my blog is still here

What do I need?

You’re going to need 4 basic things if you want to do this as easily and safely as you can 

1) a good anti-virus

2) anonymous web browser (Tor)

4) a safe and reliable source for the comics

4) a torrent program to download the comics

Also optional: VPN

Anti-Virus 

it’s good to remember when torrenting that no one is your friend, everyone is out to trick you and no one cares, honestly you should also have a good anti-virus though, I’m not really gonna tell you which one you should have but Norton 360 is pretty good but say that in a room of CS majors is the quickest way to start a fist fight, honestly just google it, you’re gonna have to do some research, but really you’re good as long as you don’t go with Avast or Kaspersky, I’m going to go over typical tricks and traps later to ensure safety, this is just basic overall security thing

Anonymous Web Browser (Tor)

next we’re gonna download Tor (you can do this before getting a VPN, like I said either one is going to put you on a list but using one to cover you getting the other at least mitigates it lol) Tor is a great open source project that allows for basically complete anonymous web browsing, it’s a project dedicated to privacy and disruption of corporations ability to control every aspect of our lives, also a friend of mine bought K off silk road with it once in highschool, really not too much you need to know about it before using it, just download it, let it configure and you’re good, also use Duck Duck go that it comes with, don’t switch it to chrome or anything, Duck Duck go is anonymous search service which better lends to Tor’s protection

Where to get the torrents

Now this is really important because you can have everything else set up but without a safe reliable source none of this is gonna do any good, but this is the dangerous part, torrent sites are notorious traps (I bricked more than on family PC on limewire) and this is why I said earlier to remember these people are not your friends and are out to hurt you, don’t click banner ads, don’t believe pop ups, make sure your virus protection is on and it’s a very good idea to have an adblocker on, also look out for another post I’ll be making on what download buttons to trust for different popular torrent sites

when talking comics (and remember specifically only Marvel comics) there’s no other name out there than Nemesis43, he is a god and he’s going to be your new best friend, there are groups and sites out there that do comic scans that you have to pay to join or like apply to join, that shit’s dumb as hell and I’ve never used them once and I’ve got more comic than I can read in my lifetime, you don’t need em and you especially don’t need to give them money, donate to the Hero Initiative instead

Nemesis has moved around a bit in the past (if you remember the WWT debacle) right now the main site for him is ettv (there will be a link at the end of the post) sites a bit barren but he’s there, he also has a reddit he gives updates on very rarely, generally if he moves he adds where his new home is in a text doc in his recent uploads, I fully trust him and his uploads, he’s been doing this for years and I’d never have a second thought downloading from him, also because he uploads so much he’s often very highly rated and verified on whatever site he’s on

The second place I’d recommend is getcomic (again there will be a link at the end), now this is very important, never donate to them, they kinda suck, basically they’re plugged into a bunch of different scanner groups and just steal those scans and put them up and then ask for donations, basically they’re just an aggregate (Nem kinda is too but he doesn’t ask for donations and stuff), they usually use browser downloads which are a complete pain so I’d really recommend Nemesis over them but they do have TheComicGuy on torrent galaxy for larger files but that updates a lot less frequently then the main site, again I trust these guys (as long as you’re on the actual site) but don’t trust any banner ads or pop ups, also for downloading they give multiple options, a lot are very sketchy, just use the main server

also there’s other sites like readcomics or newcomics, never used em, don’t like em, use at your own behest 

On sites like ettv you’re gonna want to use the magnet, someone years ago told me it was safer and I just believed them and have always used em, not sure if it’s true but it’s worked so whatever, really you shouldn’t be too worried about this stuff and if you follow this guide you’re going to be way over prepared to download comics, really no one cares about comic torrenting, movies, video games, tv shows that’s the stuff people really get caught on, this is just nerd shit

I’m going to be making another post showing how to use these sites, and other sites comic can be found on so look back at my blog for that

Torrent program

This is pretty basic, just get utorrent, it’s what I’ve always used, it works, whatever, definitely look this up with a VPN on or on Tor, it’s simple to use, I’ll be doing a short tutorial on how to make it even safer

Lastly this one is optional but a pretty good idea, for more than just this

VPN aka Virtual Privacy Network

honestly you can get the anonymous web browser (Tor) or the VPN first, their both going to help cover you downloading the other and honestly both are going to put you on a list for googling them (which is why I suggest looking for someone who just already has the .exes ((I always keep them on a thumbdrive for when I have to reset one of my computers)), I might try to make a google drive with em but also I might not bc that sounds like work and I’m already typing all this up), anyways I’m not really gonna explain what a VPN is, there’s a lot of resources that can explain it better than I can but basically it masks what you do on the internet, there’s a lot of choices when picking a VPN but the big thing I looked for when choosing mine was 1) non-US based so it’s harder for US investigation agencies to request stuff for them or get anything from them 2) one that doesn’t keep logs, honestly they all do even if they say they don’t, but you wanna look for one that hasn’t turned over many logs to US agencies and 3) unlimited peer 2 peer connections which is complicated but basically means you can torrent stuff anonymously and with decent speed. Like Anti-Virus there are a ton of different VPN’s out there, you really have to do research because there are actual accounts of FBI agencies crating VPN’s telling people they’re anonymous when really they had direct access to all the info, I haven’t done any research but NordVPN seems kinda like one of these, really the more they advertise the more suspicious I am, Just google “best vpn 2020″ and look at like 5 lists and read the the stuff, personally I use IPvanish which unfortunately is US based and while it gave over logs in 2016 even thought they said they didn’t keep any but now they’re owned by a new company that super double promises they don’t (again who cares they all do) but they’ve allow P2P and use 256-bit AES encryption

I wanna take a second to mention that this isn’t going to be free, this is the only place you’re going to be spending money (besides donating to Heroe Initative of course), a good VPN is about $100 a year which all in all isn’t terrible, technically you can just get by on the anonymous browser but this gives you an extra layer of security to pretty much ensure you won’t get caught and plus in the ever worsening internet hell world a VPN is becoming more and more important, I’m sure you can find articles about it but yea you don’t technically need a VPN but it’s useful for more than just this

How to work it all

Ok so this is gonna be a little stream of consciousness, as this all kinda has been, so sorry but I’m gonna try and explain it as best I can and also feel free to ask any questions on this blog, I’ll check back eventually I’m sure

So first thing first, make sure you’re virus protection is on and you’re connected on your VPN if you’re using it (you can google “what is my IP” to double check it’s working) then load up Tor, let it load and connect up and whatever, then go to https://www.ettvdl.com/user/Nemesis43 (I’m just gonna show this with Nemesis43, maybe I’ll make another one for getcomics but that’s pretty straight forward, also nem is better)

now remember we’re only here for Marvel comics, so scroll past all those thousands of other comics this would work exactly the same for, I’m gonna go for Ant-Man #4 which was released on the 13 as a digital only comic despite the first three issues being physical copies and now sit on my shelf forever unfinished making me look like a complete penis

it may take a while but it’s going to look like this, click on the blue words, it’s gonna take you to a page that looks like this

now from here we’re going to get the magnet link, right click and select copy link address, I like doing this because it limits my interactions with the page, note the advertisement at the top telling me I need a VPN despite thinking I’m in Guadalajara (which for legal reasons I am)

just copy that and then go to utorrent and click the add link

it’ll open a little box, it should add the link automatically, if it doesn’t just hit ctrl+V

hit ok and it’ll load it up, it might need to download some metadata but after that it should be good, oh also it might bring up a window basically asking where you want to save it and what to name it, you can set all that up in preferences, I did so I just turned that window off and can’t be assed to turn it back on, just hit ok if you don’t wanna bother with that stuff, it’ll go into your downloads by default

and that’s it really, it’s that easy, I might make another thing talking about how to make utorrent more anonymous or whatever so look for that, but stock it’s fine, also when it’s finished downloading it’s gonna start seeding (like uploading to someone else) I’ve always been a scumbag and I never seed but Nemesis seeds stuff so much you really don’t need to anyways, just select it and hit the stop button (the black square on the tool bar)

here are all the links I could think of

Hero Initiative

download Tor

here’s a guide for VPNs

download utorrent

song I found recently that I like

getcomics

Nemesis

so yea that’s pretty much the basics, be smart, be safe, any viruses you get are on you but I hope you found this helpful and feel free to ask any questions

oh and also this is all parody and I’ve never actually torrented anything, I don’t even own a computer

[lady-plantagenet]

if you’re still doing those: edward iv / elizabeth woodville for the ship bingo 🕊x

I’m so sorry, this whole past week has been one massive mental breakdown and I have been finding it incredibly hard to do anything besides uni assignments and writing. Also, I have a lot to say about these two so I didn’t want to half-ass it.

Some Comments:

I don’t know if I told you this but this used to be my OTP, like years ago when I first got into this era and did not think/know much about Clarence and the others. But now it’s no longer the case and that’s not necessarily because it got replaced by gisabel per se but because I’ve always found it extremely hard to reconcile myself with the infidelity aspect. Even when I was more childish I felt a bit dissapointed in the fact that he didn’t appoint her (or Anthony) regent, like obviously now I understand why it was to an extent untenable politically, but back then my younger mind just saw it as ‘he trusted his brother more’, which kind of threw a wrench. So much for the ‘it’s complicated’ square. The problem with long marriages is that the delicious aspect tends to wane, and that can’t be helped in a 20 year long marriage! But obviously the 1464-1470 years taken into isolation... well... it was the epitome of delicious, sexual and romantic. You might find me pointing this out wierd given that I didn’t make the same remarks on Catherine of Valois and Owen Tudor who were also a pretty long marriage, it’s just that... in my mind they kind of stagnate age-wise even as they advance past their twenties because the whole narrative (historical and fictional) around them focuses on the first years of their union and the tribulations, whereas Edward and Elizabeth have a presence way past that as they were after all monarchs and never at one point left to live a quiet life and were no longer chronicled - so in that way they age before our eyes. And with that age you see the infidelity issue get worse, together with Edward’s greater promotion of Gloucester, his drinking, eating etc issues and it starts painting a sad image into my mind of like idk a love that at one point stopped being what it once was and could never again be - like the embers burning out? This turns the what could have been a obbsessive unhealthiness borne from passion into another caused by disillusionment? I don’t put too much stock into this, personally I feel the change in Edward was caused by other external factors and not Elizabeth herself eg Warwick and Clarence’s betrayals and deaths, the massive burden of fixing the previous administration’s mess etc. Nevertheless, Elizabeth on her own did not seem to be enough to drag him out of it and prevent some of his unhealthy habits. I do realise it’s a bit too much to ask for though.

Nevertheless, I do see them as soulmates, she seemed like one of the only people who could keep up with him in will and wit (though Jane Shore seemed quite a competitor in this regard) I’m not the type of person who thinks Edward was dominated by his lust, and I think based on that venetian letter (you know the Ziglio one XD) and the fact that it said that Edward loved her for a long time before marrying her, it was clearly a decision from the heart not the *ahem* codpiece. Also a part of the soulmate/star-crossed trope is the whole ‘they defied all odds, they withstood opposition’, and Liz and Big Ed are famously that. I would totally read fic for this but surprisingly there aren’t many! I honestly don’t know how come?? Like yes they do appear in a lot of histfics and the like, but apart from TWQ they are never the central focus, and even there we don’t get enough of them (which really irritates me). Some write me some!! I am intrigued by the pairing but extremely picky when it comes to how they are written because I have particular headcanons which I am fairly wedded to but do not expect they will be abided by. More in the pragraph below.

The Ship:

I absolutely can not stand portrayals of Elizabeth Woodville as a golddigger, much less some Marilyn Monroe type of bimbo. We know the type of beauty she had... a chronicler called her an excellent but solemn (or sthing like that) beauty where York in his letters to her for the marriage of Sir Hugh complemented her deep sorrowful look or such. She was a pious, economical woman who took her queenship extremely seriously and led a cultivated court, patronised literature and may have also written a poem herself (you know the one about Venus we spoke about). She was years older than Edward and on top of that a widow with two children of her own. I want to see that dynamic! I want to especially see how she drew Edward away from Warwick’s influences in order to put him on the path he was angling for: the statute of livery 1463 and the new sumptuary laws (that most famously restricted the length of piked shoes to 3 inches hhh) are very indicative of a king who (even before meeting her) wanted to install a strong centralised monarchy with a monopoly on violence and its laws. Not because of some rapaciousness on her part but because her and her family believed in him, experienced the exequies of war and wanted to put a stop to it. I want her to love Edward for putting an end to people like Warwick who caused all her family’s (and the gentry class as a whole) misfortunes and struggles, and in a way feel like she provided him with not only a circle of people who would help him realise this but also with a sort of family to soften the personal blow that he felt when part of his birth family betrayed him. I love the father-in-law becomes surrogate father trope (as I think you can tell) and I like to see Earl Rivers as that for him, hell you can take it even further and make Jacquetta as some sort of mother-figure for him as opposed to Cecily who apparently scorned the marriage and at that time seemed to side more heavily with George. I like to think under her influence she empowered him to act more ruthlessly in pursuit of his goal, but at the same time I think that while certain things were good in the long-term eg Clarence’s execution, (maybe Desmond’s??) they may have had a toll on the relationship later on. I headcanon Elizabeth as tragically hardened by the loss of her brother and father at Edgecoat and I think that may also have thrown a bit of a wrench into their love, given how she was faced with the violent consequences of being queen and afterwards with how Warwick and co. went free and she lost her chance of vengeance. I don’t think they were ever out of love though, especially judging by how she continued to be pregnant up to 3 years short of his death and the absolute trust he put in her. But I headcanon his attachment to Jane Shore as him seeking the light-hearted wit and lively banter that Elizabeth slowly started losing as the years went on and she became less vivacious and a tad more calculating and icy. I headcanon them as having a rift when it came to dealing with problems: she would keep on with her ministrations whereas he would just want to engage in escapisms. But the thing with the infidelity is that one should keep in mind that during that period relations would have to stop once the woman started showing, so Edward having affairs should not be read into too much tbh, perhaps it was more a type of addiction on his part like drinking and eating was - like all part of an excessive Epicureanism which he adopted to relieve himself of his stresses and sorrows (and boy were there many!), so not something that necessarily indicated he grew tired of her or whatever. Maybe she understood that and that’s why she didn’t make a fuss? But then again, the fact that there wasn’t complete faithfulness remains a personal impediment for me with this ship :// that’s just me personally.

Also the discussion we had about Mélusine and the alchemical elements and Edward IV’s own interest in such (which was used as ammunition for George when he accused Edward of engaging in dark arts to corrupt his subjects XD... yes I know très ironique)... made me headcanon him and Elizabeth bonding over this, and perhaps seeing their union as somewhat quite mystical. It would be something so interesting to explore and I think it’s a real shame that people nowadays recoil everytime they hear the word ‘Woodville’ and ‘Mélusine’ put together which is a shame because when handled delicately it could turn into something beautiful and it was certainly not a PG invention!

Also... those two have some bitchin’ fannart!

So yes, this was quite the stream of consciousness... but I do have a lot of thoughts for this couple! They were my OTP for the longest time after all.

[imagineurfavs]

Liquid Confidence

I'd like to submit a request for a drabble with GOT7 Youngjae, 37, 43, & 57. IMO, there just isn't enough for Youngjae...

Pairing: Youngjae (GOT7) x reader Prompts: “I’m not drunk enough to have this conversation” “Would a friend do this?” “Can you just shut up for 5 minutes please?” Summary: just a drunken confession lol Genre: Fluff?? idk really... Word Count: 1,485  A/N: this is beyond terrible im sorry im apparently terrible at writing anything with any kind of emotion sjghsjgns

Pushing your way through hordes of sweaty strangers, you make your way to the exit of whoevers house it was you were actually at. You’d only tagged along to this party because you had been assured you that your friend Youngjae would be here; but it didn’t look like he’d bothered to turn up. Without his desperately needed comic relief, you really didn't see any point in hanging around.

 Just as you reach the door and go to grab the handle, a clammy hand reached over and rested upon your own. You spun around expecting to see a red faced stranger ready to ply you with more alcohol in an attempt to get you to stick around. Instead, you were met with an equally red faced, and very drunk Youngjae “y/n!!!! I’ve been looking for you all night- I was hanging out in the kitchen then for some reason i ended up in the bathroom, I’ve been everywhere but I didn't see you so i thought you weren’t here but I spotted you from the other side of the room so i ca-” he rambled on, his sweaty hand still on yours atop the door handle.

“Wait. You’re leaving?” He stopped himself mid sentence to ask, spotting your hand still trying to turn the handle. With his eyes growing larger, the drunken giddiness on his face turns to a look of disappointment.

“Well yeah, I don’t really see any point in staying. I was waiting for you but honestly now I just think my social interaction meter has run out for today, I just wanna be somewhere quiet and ma-”

“Wait no. You can’t leave, I’ve got something to talk to you about, come with me.” He cut you off, now grabbing your hand and leading you through the rooms, making his way to the back door on the other side of the house.

Pushing open the door, you’re hit with a cold blast of crisp night air, the sounds from the inside vanishing slowly as the door closed behind you.

“Everyone went inside because it’s getting kinda cold out” Youngjae said with a nervous giggle as he let go of your hand, beckoning you to a garden table surrounded by worn out plastic lawn chairs. “Plus at least you can get a bit of quiet now” he continued, picking up a half empty class of unknown alcohol someone had left behind.

After a few minutes of relishing in the new quiet atmosphere, you turn to Youngjae, who was leaning back in his chair, staring blankly at the night sky, “What was it you wanted to talk to me about...?” You said across the table, breath hanging visible in the air.

“Oh...yeah, right, that” He answered, snapping back to reality and sitting upright, finishing what was left in the glass in one big gulp. Letting out a big sigh and leaning closer to you across the table. “y/n...I like you. Like...really like you...”

“Oh god, that was blunt...are you saying what I think you are..?” shifting uncomfortably in your seat you mumble with a sigh “I’m not drunk enough for this conversation.” trying to avoid eye contact, but you can still feel his gaze piercing into your cheek.

“Well” He draws in a long breath, trying to compose himself as much as possible “I am drunk enough and I really need to tell you. I promise it’s not just the alcohol talking, it might seem like it is but I promise it’s for real. I’m being serious.” Without looking you feel his hands shift closer to your own, barely touching, but close enough to feel the warmth radiating from them.

You keep your gaze locked firmly on the ground below the glass table, but listen as he speaks out loud. His stream of consciousness continues “I know you know what I’m gonna say y/n, we’ve been friends for such a long time, I know, but I really think I like you more than that, y’know? Like...we’re like peanut butter and jelly, Tom and Jerry...and other analogies I can’t think of because to be honest...I’m pretty hammered...” he trailed off with a giggle. “What I’m tryna say is, we’re inseparable... there’s no me without you...”

“I really need you to think about what you’re saying Youngjae, we’re friends...best friends I might even say.” You knew you should probably stop talking, but you couldn't stop your words coming out, before you knew it you were babbling right back at him “And I’m not saying that I’ve never thought about you in that way, I have, many times but like what if everything goes wrong and we end up hating each other, I dont want that to happen but like wha-”

“Can you just shut up for 5 minutes please?” He spoke clearly, the intoxication in his voice almost fully disappeared. “Are you saying you feel the same way y/n?” You could pretty much hear his massive grin in the tone of his voice, you wanted to see that smile so badly but you didn’t think you could face him.

“Well...I don’t know. Maybe” You hear the sound of the plastic chair moving across the patio and Youngjae standing from his seat “I mean, yeah, I guess I do...but we’re friends Youngjae, I don’t wanna lose that...ah, I dunno...”

Before you could look up, you see his feet directly in front of you, he crouches down so his face is inches from yours. Taking your chin with his thumb, he lifts your face so your eyes meet with his own.

“Would a friend do this?” He spoke with a shaky breath, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on your lips. An overwhelming taste of alcohol on his lips is the first thing that hits you, replaced slowly by his overwhelming warmth. Suddenly the cold air felt like a hot summers day. 

The kiss was sloppy, but meaningful. Messy, yet innocent. With every move of his lips against yours, the world around you began to feel further and further away. One of his hands rested on your shoulders whilst your own cupped his soft flushed cheeks. His free hand sat comfortably on your thigh, drawing small circles with his thumb.

Even with the awkward crouched position he was in, you felt his body relax next to yours, deepening the kiss as he leaned in closer to you. Every movement of his lips telling you everything he never had the courage to admit to you before. 

Your moment was cut short by the door being flung open, a rowdy friend of yours practically falling out on to the patio next to you. Youngjae pulls his lips away from you, but keeps his hand protectively on your shoulders, pulling you closer to him.

“Ooooooooh...whats t-this...did I interrupt you two...hah- sorry...it was about time you two got together though...we’ve all been waiting for you both to ad- admit you like each other loooooooool...sorry- pretend I was never here..” They said as they stumbled backwards, quickly tried to make their way back indoors.

“Well...now I’m embarrassed” you mumbled quietly, head hanging low.

“To be honest” Youngjae replied laughing “I’m more embarrassed they said lol out loud. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Plus like they said, it was about time anyway”

He moved slowly to his feet, offering you his hand as he stands. “Come on, you wanna get out of here?”

“What exactly are you insinuating?” you laughed, standing up, ready to make your way out.

“What?!?” I’m not suggesting anything like that!” He answered with a jokingly shocked expression on on his face, “You said before that you wanted to go somewhere quiet...and I wanna be with you, so I thought we could both go somewhere together, yeah?”

As you make your way back through the house, you’re met with the laughter filled cheers of your intoxicated friends as they spot you walking hand in hand with Youngjae. You turn to him just as you reach the door you very nearly walked out of earlier, met with the crescent eyed smile of your...friend?...boyfriend...?

“We’re totally dating now by the way, we’ve kissed and everything, it’s the law” He places one last very dramatic peck on your lips, one that he obviously wanted everyone close by to see. After causing chaos you quickly scurried out of the house to the sounds of yet more rowdy excited cheers. 

The night was bitterly cold, but you didn’t care; you’d stay out all night if it meant getting to stay with Youngjae even an hour longer. Before you were even aware, the boy had let go of your hand and was removing his jacket, draping it carefully over your shoulders. “I wanted to do that earlier, but I didn't wanna let go of your hand” he admitted quietly as you continue strolling peacefully though the dimly light suburban streets.

-------

a/n lets just pretend i ended this on some super sweet note and didnt just cut it off randomly bc I apparently have no idea how to end things lmao sorry 

[artificiary-fr]

ok so arti’s unnecessary opinion time

Just wanna give a disclaimer that these are just my sort of thoughts in general, and are in no way an attempt to demean, attack, or cause drama about any artist or staff member, or community member. Just kind of what I’ve observed and come to the questions/conclusions of. I got a little opinionated at the end but I tried not to single anyone out save for I think, one unnamed example? 

I’ll put everything under the cut here, because I know I have a tendency to get wordy (and spoiler: It did. This is a super long post, I’m sorry). So, here we go...

TL;DR: I like the gene, I’ll wait for the revamp before giving a concrete opinion, there were definitely some issues, I appreciate that staff took note/action, more communication like this or the dev streams is good (though communication between staff/community is a Thing unto itself of which I probably have a Disliked Take on and that was the really long part that isn’t necessary to read)

Okay before anything: the familiars. They’re super pretty! I like the recolors, and now I’m gonna have to grind the Kelp Beds for those boss fams. Dang. I love the kitty golem recolor.

With that out of the way, here we are - the subject of today’s discussions... Glowtail.

So, my first opinion: It’s not a bad gene! I can see some curious use for it, certainly. But there are some problems with it (and yes; I am aware staff has addressed this and pulled it to fix those problems! That’ll be more relevant later on here c: )

Note One: I think I do understand why it is a gem gene. Yes, design/thematically it does appear to fit the bill of a Baldwin Gene more. But I’d like to posit it’s the completion of a gem-gene set - Wasp/Bee/Glowtail. So in that regard, it makes sense!

Note Two: My personal opinion with the gene is that I like it, but it feels... hm. Plain isn’t correct. Like it’s missing something, I guess? I wish the segmenting was a little more prominent, and that the glow or gradient had a little more glitz/glamor, maybe some glitteries around the hips, to really sell it as a gem gene. I do like the glow we have on the other bits of dragon like light reflection, though, because it adds a little bit of dimension! All in all however even so, I do like it, and I won’t cement my opinion until we see what their updated version looks like in the future.

Note Three (The Problems): The art errors. What... what happened here?

As we’ve noticed, male snappers and male tundras are the two big offenders, with large chunks of color erroneously sitting outside the lineart quite noticeably. There is also part of the ‘glow’ (the aforementioned light reflection) that doesn’t make sense - being on parts of the dragon where it shouldn’t be, like on the front of wings where the tail is not in front of said limb, but behind.

But like... how did this not get caught before it got posted? Was it a time crunch, or it just... didn’t get quality checked before this happened? It’s really unfortunate. :c

Something I do with my art - and this is just my own process/thoughts - is when I’ve put down the base color, before I do any shading/highlights/big details, I pop a layer underneath the entire drawing and fill it with a high contrast color to the palette. That way any bits where I missed coloring in - or didn’t clean up outside the lines - becomes super noticeable, and I can fix it then instead of being a problem later. Maybe doing something like this before throwing the gene through the color automation process would’ve helped?

Last Note:

I feel like part of why these errors went unnoticed is because of how often, and sometimes how rushed, some of these updates have been - and this has been more noticeable in this year than otherwise. Is it because of community dissent with wanting more updates creating more crunch? Due to low-attention reticence creating a need for pushing more ad revenue / more “come to the site there’s new”?

I’m unsure, but it’s unfortunate nonetheless. I think staff, and FR as a whole, would benefit from like... hm. How to word this...

Maybe taking more time on updates / a more extended schedule so things aren’t as crunch (of course this being said, I don’t know what the workload is like so I can’t even say if crunch is applicable), and more open communication? Like how the dev streams were going - that was pretty well liked and everyone I know got pretty excited to see em and how the art was doing. It also opened up the avenue for more open communication / more nuanced opinions or thoughts.

---

But herein lies the huge issue, I think, with communication. This is the part where I’d like to reiterate, this is just my observations, and is not intended as an attack, a vaguepost, or deliberate callout at anybody. There’s no malicious intent here. This bit could also be construed as drama I suppose, and I apologize for that because again - not the intent. Just my take.

I’ve noticed posts going ‘no drama please’ or being tired when new updates come out of like, ‘oh boy here comes the negativity’ so I don’t think it’s just me who’s seen it, but have you guys noticed when anything new comes out, there’s an immediate rush of extreme salt and negativity?

And I don’t mean posts where its like “it’s not for me” or “I don’t like it but here’s [detailed/explained reason why]” - those are the nuanced opinions I mean. Those are fine. I mean the ones where people in forums, or on the more prolific drama blogs, are just.... mean/empty? Like “FUCK staff I hate how lazy they are with this it’s shitty looking” - that really vocal generally super salty in general minority of the community. Just hate without explanation, or just kind of aimless generalized attack/complaint.

I think that’s where communication with Staff fell off the bandwagon. The really loud, really vocal minority of folks who throw super salt or yell “This Sucks You Suck” completely overshadow the people who are well intentioned with sharing their opinions or problems/criticisms. The toxic bits and really vitriolic words are what gets seen and noticed. I think this is the majority of what gets heard, which is why communication got so closed off / shut down unless positive, in recent times. Do I agree with that? No, I don’t either - but I’m just looking at this from the outside. Idk how staff feels or thinks.

And this goes for both people who don’t like the content, and people that do.

Remember that the Keel thread got locked because someone who was white-knighting started getting real nasty with people in the thread, and going to extremes insulting artists who did mock-ups to help visualize their thoughts/opinions and was just being a real douche?

What I really wish was that we could have more open communication. Some of the things I really liked to see were like: Dev Streams, Community Updates/Q&A, Opinion Polls, That Update Progress on Breed/Gene Progress from a while back. All of that was excellent. And I like to see the community responding in well thought out ways! I like to see staff more hands on too! We’re only human and love this site and our dragons and want to see it at it’s best - but they’re also only human, and make mistakes, and we don’t know what’s goin on in there, just out here.

Trello is a really good way to kind of show that communication, and is transparent, but isn’t free-to-use for businesses, so... of course I also don’t know how Stormlight Workshop runs their business/hours so I’m just blowing hot smoke. But anyway, I think everyone would benefit from slowing down and opening up. If things are going slow, that’s okay - if Staff opens up to the community and says “This is taking longer than expected, but here’s upcoming releases / current in-progresses” I think we’d be like oh okay things are happening and it’ll be nice! As compared to everyone gets super antsy, nothing’s happening, no-one is talking... and then we get hit with a bunch of updates, some of which, like today’s, have... issues.

Of course then I worry that with more open talking or “we’re experiencing delays” the more vitriolic will get even angrier/saltier which doesn’t... help... but I mean... yeah. 

ANYWAY so I’ve written a full dissertation essay here without really intending to (see? I warned y’all! I ramble/don’t shut up ahahaha) so I’m gonna just stop myself here before I start going in circles. This last chunk I don’t really know what the meat of what I was trying to say was, now, I think. Sorry about that. It was just “here’s my stream of consciousness” apparently ^^;;;;

Have a good evening y’all! Thanks for listenin’ to my (rant?) if y’all made it this far. You’re appreciated and thank you for letting me bend your ears! Stay safe in this crazy world, hang in there, and have a good one!