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idealisticrealism · 2 years

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TCL 2x05 recap

Okay yep I did not manage to tone this recap down from last week AT ALL. (In fact it got even longer... god help me lol). Also posting late because I spent all weekend defibrillating mannequins (and all week studying for said defibrillating)– but good news, all the mannequins survived, unlike me when I watched this ep lol

Man this cleaning montage honestly made me so emotional about Thony and Fi– for once they’re cleaning for no one but themselves! Also that shot of Thony walking through the building as it all changed around her? So cool. I also loved how they had the same music playing over both Thony and Arman’s respective activities, like it’s saying that their daily lives are momentarily a bit separate rn but they’re still connected regardless. But omg Arman in that tight black tshirt looking all pissed and THEN grabbing Robert’s neck??? Like god, that shot ~did things~ to me and I would be so down to see more of that– especially from a scene where he finds out about Thony being forced to strip off! C’mon writers, give the people (me) what they want (Arman going feral on Thony’s behalf)!!!

Tbh I’ve actually missed seeing La Habana? But oh man it’s not doing too well. Looks like Arman’s big plan from 1x10 to take down Hayak (or more honestly, his plan to protect Thony ughhhh) came with some serious consequences…. Anyway I love seeing Thony stride confidently into La Habana, especially because we can see a member of the cleaning staff (aka likely one of her old coworkers) in the same shot, showing the new direction Thony has moved in and the new connection she has with this place and the people in it. Speaking of which, ugh the way Arman stares at her as she walks in, his eyes tracking her the entire way…. could this actually be the first time they’ve seen each other since the motel? Timing wise it’s probably been about a week since the event of last ep, so it is possible that they haven’t been together since then. And ok sidenote but I do actually enjoy Nadia’s reaction to Thony here lol, the ‘oh great’ and then the falsely bright tone… ah the complex relationship between two women who are in business together and also in love with the same man. Yikes. Poor Arman is caught in the middle in multiple ways, but ugh the way he tries to explain to Thony that the street drugs would only be temporary, and tells her, “We can’t keep working for Kamdar. We need this”-- sigh my boy is too proud to say what he actually means, which is that he can’t keep working for Kamdar, and he needs this. Honestly if he and Thony were one-on-one rn and he simply told her that, she would help him. Instead it looks to her that he and Nadia are just fed up with working for Robert and are looking for a quick and easy out, regardless of consequences. And ugh the disappointed, disapproving way she looks at him must sting (and it must be hard for her too, to be reminded of the ways that they are still so different) but yet again, his eyes stay on her the whole way out of the club. Like buddy I fully support you being 100% gone for Thony De La Rosa but maybe don’t be so obvious about it right in front of your (not quite ex) wife?? But ugh he clearly doesn’t want to go behind Thony’s back, but he knows there’s no other choice available to him (well, except being honest with her, you idiot!!! Just tell her you need her help and she will help you!!!)

(Also, woooo I totally called it about Nadia and Arman selling the street drugs behind Thony’s back! Though idk this may have already been common knowledge to those of you who actually look at spoilers lol)

Ok I want a hoodie with their The Cleaning Ladies logo on it so bad. This show really needs to do merch bc I would buy it all lol. Also Thony and Fi walking around their house in bare feet is so cute and natural, and I just love seeing these two at home, talking through problems together (or not talking about it, in the case of Marco’s death). But honestly is it too much to ask for Thony to decide Fi is right and that she needs to open up about what happened with Marco, and to choose to do that with Arman?? And to have him talk to her about Hayak in return?? Please writers, I need it. Also ooooh Fi can talk to Jazz’s HOT DAD lol. Like okay this guy clearly has a good relationship with the whole family AND he’s moving to Vegas permanently?? And oooooh he was an army guy who was stationed overseas a lot, which means he and Fi might have split bc of his army commitments rather than bc of relationship issues or incompatibility… Hell yeah, I ship it already lol. Fi honestly deserves someone great. Also ooh if Chris’s hand still needs to be bandaged then it’s almost definitely only been a week (or less) since last ep…

I’m so happy to see my boy Bosco again!! And that he and Thony seem to be becoming quite friendly– he called her sister awwww. (though considering he calls Arman ‘brother’, maybe she’s more like sister-in-law lol). Speaking of Arman, I swear this man decided to show up to this meeting looking as hot as possible in the hope that Thony would be less pissed off at him when she found out about the street drugs lol. Because jesus christ the bike and sunglasses and the leather all seems specifically designed to torture both me and her in the best way haha. And lbr Thony totally did check him out (I see you, girl) but he’s basically avoiding even looking at her bc he knows he’s about to be on the receiving end of that sharp temper once again. (And tbh, deservedly so). Ugh no, not another mention of Sin Cara though, please don’t kill Boscooooo! You already took Mateo and Carlos from me, and he’s just too cute to die ugh. But anyhow, as someone who lived with a married couple for a year, I can relate so hard to how uncomfortable Bosco looks as Thony and Arman start to argue lol, and I love that after Arman says ‘Now we’re trying it my way’ Bosco looks away and gives a little shake of his head like ‘oh you’re in for it now my friend, it was nice knowing you’ lol. Tbh I like to think he’s actually a little bit on Thony’s side here haha

But okay the shot cuts from Thony turning to look at Arman with a pissed off expression, to her yelling at him (lol) as he brings the last of the boxes inside. But what about unloading them from the truck?? And when did Bosco leave, and how much of the lovers’ quarrel did he witness?? I need answers and yet this show is determined not to give them to me lol. But alright fine I’ve decided that right as Thony was about to start ripping into Arman, she got a call from Fi about the business, and gave him a ‘I’ll deal with you later’ look and stalked off to take the call, and then he turned to Bosco and asked him to help him unload the boxes and Bosco was all like “yeah man I want to be out of here asap before this place turns into a warzone and I get caught in the crossfire” lol. So they dump out all the boxes and Bosco makes a run for it, giving Thony an apologetic wave as he goes.

And so then by the time she’s done on the call, Arman has most of the boxes inside (sidenote, it amuses me that we see him use a trolley to move one single box that probably weighs less than 10kg lol). And okay now the shouting starts. The imagery of him walking back and forth with boxes while this tiny woman follows and yells is so funny lol, like a doberman being berated by a very furious chipmunk. She does make a good point about the potential consequences of putting these drugs out there, but then again, he was involved in the gun business for years, with the full knowledge that the guns he sold definitely went on to kill people… so he probably has a bit of a different perspective about the harm caused by this kind of thing. And lbr he knows he’s backed into a corner and has no choice but to follow his own rule– not the right way or the wrong way, but any way you can. Tbh he’s right to call her out on the hypocrisy of what she’s saying about caring what happens to people, considering what happened with MMM. And ughhhhh his whole “Everything you’ve needed, I’ve done for you/I’ve done whatever it takes to keep you safe” (keeping the promise he made to her just days after they met ugh) and then “I’ve even killed for you” (yaaaasss please talk about it!! please!! ) but oh man the “Do you even appreciate that?”-- like he’s really saying I gave up a piece of my soul for you, did it even mean anything to you at all? Do I even mean anything to you at all? Bc honestly he was used to having to do terrible things on Hayak’s (or now Robert’s) orders and for there to be no acknowledgement of the personal cost to him, but for her to act like he’s some cold-hearted criminal so soon after he did something so huge for her… ugh my poor baby boy. I honestly expected her to backpedal a bit when he asked that, and to say ‘of course I do’ but lbr we all know Thony has a temper, and also I think it’s hard for her to face the truth of what she had him do– bc firstly she’s all ‘do no harm’ yet had a guy killed, and secondly bc I think she carries a lot of guilt and regret over putting that burden onto him and she’s not dealing with it well. She manages to bring down the anger enough to tell him she wants to help him, but she still drops the ultimatum about walking away if he goes ahead with the drug deal– and ugh that must feel like such a rejection to him, like it has just proved that his limit of what he’ll do for her (literally kill someone) is so much higher than her limit of what she’ll do or him, since she can’t even support him in this decision despite how much he needs it. And omg “Well then I guess we’re done” *cue him angrily striding away, and her kicking a box lol* (ngl that was oddly hot?) and dude that literally had the most breakup-vibes possible for two people who aren’t technically in a relationship lol (though really, that could be argued tbh). And ugh I live for this kind of angst though bc the making-up part is going to be amazingggggg

Ngl I like Garrett and Agent Jefferson as a duo, and this diner scene was actually pretty fun. Having the CI be a drag queen was a little bit like the jockey from the last ep– treading a little close to tacky but not actually going too far, and honestly I really liked Madame Delilah lol. She was great, and I wonder if she’s an actual drag queen or if it’s just an actor playing the role? I know that the casting director for this show often tries to find extras that actually do their roles (eg the airport staff in 2x01) so it would be cool if she was actually a local queen

Ok having Robert meekly ask to borrow Nadia (aka his employee) for a moment and then having her respond by silently beckon him over to her like she’s the boss here?? What a queen. Also it was kinda hot that she picked up on the guy cheating, and hotter that she apparently threatened a guy with a corkscrew to the neck (that is an excellent visual lol). Tbh though the way Naveen delivered the lines telling that story didn’t sound natural at all, it sounded very recited or something. But whatever. And oooooh here comes Arman, fresh from his devastating breakup fight with the woman he loves, and what does he see? Nadia and Robert looking extremely comfortable together. The look of ‘oh shit’ on her face was great lol. And then ugh my boy’s terrible day only gets worse as Robert promotes (demotes?) him to a bouncer for the day– retaliation for the lil’ bit of light choking, I’m guessing?

“What are you, like Costco now?” have I mentioned lately that I actually kind of love Vinnie?? And “I think you’re confused about the company I keep” lolll. His and Thony’s relationship is so great, how they’ve become unlikely business partners– and also that Vinnie totally thinks Thony is a goddess lol (as do we all). But omg imagine Arman’s reaction if she had managed to get rid of the drugs??? Also did she plan to give them to the VA hospitals etc for free, as payback against Arman for breaking up with her? Or had she at least planned to sell them to those places, so she could still give Arman some money for them and not entirely screw him over?? Anyway re her comment about “I still took an oath to do no harm”-- like okay I find it SO strange that people interpret this oath as doctors having to always avoid doing any harm to anyone ever?? We’re not monks who have to live our entire lives by some rigid doctrine– we’re professionals who do a job, and there are certain rules we follow while doing that job that don’t necessarily apply to all other aspects of our lives. Like obviously I wouldn’t sell street drugs either, but that’s just general morality, nothing to do with my profession. To me, the ‘first do no harm’ rule applies to my patients (or anyone to whom I am providing medical care) only. But if I am ever in the situation where I need to defend myself or anyone else, you can bet I’ll be doing harm lol. (anyway, /end rant lol). “Expensive morality you’ve got” lollll Vinnie’s really dropping some truth bombs here– is she really prepared for her strict morality to cost her Arman????

Omg. Arman in the bouncer shirt. He looks like he’s in one of those local-league ten pin bowling teams that takes themselves way too seriously. But ughhh my boy is having the worst day– first, the woman he loves and who he has made huge sacrifices for all but turned her back on him when he needed her, so he lashed out and broke up with her ended their business arrangement. Then his wife is getting all flirty with another man, who just happens to be the guy that is doing everything in his power to make Arman’s life miserable. Then he is faced with an old acquaintance who can’t seem to stop commenting on how far he’s fallen from the position of respect and power he had only a few short weeks ago. Like man, could this day get any worse?? (Spoiler, yes it definitely could lol)

This season is really enjoying including a wide variety of almost over-the-top small-bit characters… I guess it IS Vegas after all, so it kind of goes with the territory to have all kinds of big personalities. And Ginger seems pretty cool lol, even if that Southern accent feels like it’s gotta be fake haha. Also the middle of the day seems like an odd time for a retirement party, but then again, it’s Vegas, and I guess most of these showgirls work evenings, so….? Anyway my favourite part of this scene is the woman watching Ginger’s performance who looks like 1000% unimpressed hahaha

Omgggg JD and the kids walking in in their little uniforms, and Luca jumping up to see over the barrier? My heart. I love this family sfm. Also aw Jazz worrying about Chris and asking what’s wrong, and Fi being like ‘uh… yeah, that’s it, that’s why he’s upset’ to literally any suggestion Jazz makes lol

Aw look at Garrett and Jefferson actually kind of almost figuring things out like real agents. I’m so proud of them. Gold star, kids.

Oooooh Nadia and Arman are fighting (what’s new there lol). “I think you like hanging around one degenerate” hahahaaa. Like honestly this is like 10% jealousy towards Robert, and 90% Arman feeling like the main person who is supposed to be on his team isn’t putting in nearly as much effort as he is, and has in fact instead just completely ditched him to go join the opposite team bc it seems like they’re more likely to win. But bro she has every right to call you out on your hypocrisy here bc you’ve definitely been more focused on Thony than she has been on Robert. “Don’t make this about Thony” - mate literally everything in your life is about Thony, you’re just the only one who can’t see that. But ouch the whole “clearly the only person who can make you feel like a hero is your cleaning lady” must hit him hard considering that a) he is half-convinced he and Thony really are over after their fight this morning, and b) during that fight Thony made him feel like a complete villain rather than a hero, and he hated it. I looove that Robert overheard this though– can’t wait to see what he does with this information! Also “so you do know how to keep your mouth shut” I take it Robert’s referring to Arman being smart enough not to keep arguing with Nadia and piss her off even further? Or?

Aaand Arman’s day just got even worse. Like yeah, I bet that taking out his frustrations on that guy’s face probably did feel kinda good, but it would have been tainted by the fact that it just reminds him that his body is not his own right now– it is a tool for Robert to use how he wants, and god that must feel so violating. “Take away the suit and you’re nothing but a stupid thug” wow gotta say, props to this guy for a) saying something so inadvisable to a guy who could literally kill him, and b) literally landing on one of Arman’s greatest insecurities??? He’s fought so hard for years to be respected, to be considered worthy, to be seen as more than a working-class immigrant or brainless brute, and then here comes this guy and with one sentence pushes him over the edge. I was honestly afraid Arman would actually accidentally kill him, and tbh it was only Robert’s appearance– and clear satisfaction at what was happening– that snapped him out of it. But anyway, enough angst, more curls. We have been so spoiled with all the curls today ugh, I am living. (Gonna ignore the magically appearing blood on the face that wasn’t there in one shot but was in the next lol, because ngl I am a sucker for a hot man covered in blood lol).

Also ugghhhhh my boy is practically trying to run away from this place; he can feel how close he is to breaking down and he needs to be as far away from here– as far from Robert– as possible before that happens. But of course Robert finds a way to drag him back, by insisting he bring Thony in. And damn the subtle challenge in “why not? Isn’t that what you employ her for?”-- oooh Robert has him in (yet another) trap and Arman knows it. If he doesn’t bring her in to do this task that is very reasonably within her job description, he’s basically announcing to Robert that Thony is more than just a cleaning lady– specifically, more to him than just that, which he already knows Robert suspects thanks to overhearing his and Nadia’s argument– and that’s dangerous for both her and him. Ugh my poor boy, the last thing he wants is for Thony to be anywhere near Robert, but he has no choice now. I’m just imagining him sitting here on the bike with his head bowed for a minute before he forces himself to go back inside, going into the bathroom and staring at himself in the mirror, then roughly scrubbing the blood off of his face– and even when it’s gone, he feels stained, feels like he’s going to taint her just by speaking to her. But finally, he pulls out his phone– already half certain that she won’t answer, that he’s truly lost her already– then takes a deep breath, and makes the call.

I would like to formally announce that I am never getting over the fact that, despite having a huge fight and all but ‘breaking up’ only a few hours ago, Thony has consciously chosen to keep her burner phone– aka the direct line of communication between her and Arman, that literally no one other than him uses– on her, even through two separate changes of outfit. If she’d truly been angry about their fight and didn’t care about reconciling, she would have deliberately left the phone at home (bc lbr he could have still reached her on her other number in an emergency). But no, she consciously chose to keep carrying that phone with her everywhere she went, like she was carrying a piece of him with her, like she was just hoping it would ring. And then it does, and she barely even pauses before answering, just a tiny moment for her to take a breath and ready herself. I love her abrupt little “what”, like she wants to make it clear she’s still pissed– except, again, if she was actually pissed she wouldn’t have even bothered to have the phone on her at all. And ugh lbr part of him was probably hoping she wouldn’t answer– if she was uncontactable, then Robert couldn’t force him to bring her into this– but mostly he must have been so goddamn relieved when she picked up, to know that even after he did something she completely disagreed with, and even after he told her they were over, she was still there when he needed her.

But ugh “There’s a mess that needs to be cleaned” – yeah, it’s him, Thony! He’s the mess! And no one can fix it except you ughhhhh. (Also sidenote, did he call Robert’s place the Sportsbook? I thought it was Fast Lane??) But ugh the snippiness in her tone when she says she’s on a job, and then “besides, you’re the one who said that we were done” aka “YOU broke up with ME, remember??“ aaaaaaahhh you can tell that there’s hurt hiding under that anger. But then god the way that anger is completely replaced by concern the moment he mentions Robert being the one ordering him to call, and then as soon as she hears that trace of pleading– that unspoken I need you– in that ‘please?’ our girl is running to her man. She knows him, and she knows that whatever is happening, he’s not okay right now. She was too blinded by her own emotions to be able to see it earlier– especially because he kept it so carefully hidden, first behind a facade of near-callous indifference about the drugs, and then masked with anger when she pushed back against his plan– but she sees it now, and all she knows is that she needs to be there for him, be there with him, no matter what.

I can’t help but picture Arman in that moment after she hangs up so suddenly like that– she didn’t explicitly say, “I’m on my way”, and I’m sure he is just insecure enough that a small part of him would be terrified that she’d actually finally turned her back on him– that when he’d pushed her away that morning, he’d pushed too far, and that she’d decided he wasn’t worth it after all, that all he’d done for her wasn’t enough to get her to stay. But ugh even with that fear whispering in the back of his mind, somehow he still knows the truth: she’s coming. Even after everything that happened that morning, she’s still there for him, still on his side; she's still his.

And maybe knowing that is what gives him strength to walk back into Robert’s office and tell him that Thony is on her way; my headcanon here is that Robert is all like “Good. Shall we have a little game while we wait?” and gestures to the pool table, and given that Arman doesn’t really have a choice (and also that there’s no way he’s going to leave now that Thony is coming here) he nods and they play a round of pool, and Robert very casually asks about Thony and how she fits into their business etc and Arman is being so careful with his answers and body language, doing everything he can to protect her from attracting further attention from Robert, and then after a while Robert shrewdly starts to wonder aloud what Thony will think when she sees the mess Arman made, whether she will think him monstrous for committing such violence– deliberately sticking barbs into him, because he heard Nadia say that Thony makes Arman feel like a hero, and so he wants to try to bring Arman low by forcing him to reveal his shameful deeds to the woman whose admiration he apparently desires and needs. It’s actually a pretty genius move by Robert– thanks to Nadia, he knows Thony’s connection to Arman is more than just professional, so by bringing her in now, there are two possible things that could happen: either Thony sees what Arman did and is horrified by it and turns her back on him, which would further crush the man Robert is intent on making suffer in every way he possibly can; or, she will support Arman regardless of what he’s done, and their closeness will create more distance between Arman and Nadia (especially considering he’s bringing her in right in front of Nadia, less than an hour after their fight about her). It’s honestly a win-win for him. I imagine that Robert asks the bouncer at the door to notify him when Thony arrives (and of course, lead her right past where Nadia is) and then when she gets there, he makes some final dig to Arman about her before he steps out of the office to await her, leaving Arman staring out into the gaming area, feeling equal parts relief and dread at seeing her out there, her stride quick as she hurries towards the office, towards him.

Honestly I love seeing Thony interacting with Robert, because (even though she’s far better at hiding it than Arman) it’s clear that she detests him– partly from how he treated her at their first meeting, but more so because she’s now starting to realise that there’s something terrible in the way he’s treating Arman. And then she witnesses it firsthand– sees him present Arman (whose name he deliberately mispronounces every time, I’m sure of it) to her like a dog who got caught pooping on the rug, and is now having his nose rubbed in it. He makes sure to describe Arman’s actions (‘beaten to a pulp’) in a way that highlights the animalistic violence of it, while pretty much implying that Arman did it purely of his own volition rather than under orders. Tbh she’s barely listening though; her eyes go first to Arman, quickly assessing for signs of injury, and then they take in the scene as she deliberately positions herself over on his side of the room, where she can see him more clearly and where he can see her, even if it’s only in his peripheral vision. Robert’s comments about the rug are also (unconsciously) metaphorical as hell– the rug is a possession he has recently obtained, and now that it’s soiled he considers it only fit for being disposed of. Just like Arman– something people once found flawless and beautiful to look at, now all but ruined, and destined to be nothing more than discarded trash. Which is why I died when Thony tells Robert not to throw the rug out, that she’ll take care of it– Arman is damaged, stained with blood both literally and figuratively, but Thony is there to wash it away and make him new again. (I swear this show is just… ugh. God help me). Anyway in terms of more deliberate metaphor on Robert’s part, the line “it’s good for people I do business with to see what happens when they don’t deliver” is clearly very pointedly directed at Arman, as in never forget what will happen to you if you don’t obey, but you could also say that Arman himself is also the example of what happens when someone doesn’t deliver– a once powerful man who is now little more than Robert’s slave because he couldn’t pay what he owed. Ugggghhhhhhhh as much as I hate Robert and am sad to see my precious boy suffer, I am also LIVING for it haha. Gimme all the angst and hurt/comfort yaaaaassss

(Btw does Joseph have a split lip? Did Robert hit him again?? Oh Robert don’t you know that if you keep mistreating your right hand man like this, he’ll turn on you? Honestly it would be so cool to see Joseph snap and turn on Robert like Arman did on Hayak– I would love to see him ending up doing something that helps Armony in their mission to take Robert down….)

Ugh okay so who wants to guess how many times I have watched this scene??? Better make sure your guess is in the quadruple digits lol, because oh my goddddd. The way that she doesn’t even wait until the door closes behind Robert and Joseph before she says his name, figuratively reaching out to him– and the way she immediately knows something is terribly wrong when he doesn’t respond to that connection, doesn’t even look at her, because that’s never happened before, not even when they’ve been furious with each other. And ugh the immediate worry (“Arman, what happened???” - ugh the throwback to him asking the same question when she was devastated in 1x06 is killing me) and the way she quickly crosses the space between them, looking up at him and trying to meet his gaze, trying to get that connection back. And then “It doesn’t matter. It’s what I’ve become.” ugh, he’s so broken. Since the moment they met, Robert has been breaking him down piece by piece, cleverly and deliberately. Bc lbr Robert knows he can’t kill Arman– Nadia would never forgive him for that– but he’s a master manipulator, and he’s known since the start that if he applied pressure in just the right places, Arman would start to buckle under the strain, leading him to lash out at Nadia (who Robert has been carefully rebuilding his relationship with, and of course, who he makes sure to look extra cozy with whenever his staff inform him of Arman’s arrival at the building), so that when Arman eventually snapped, his and Nadia’s relationship would already be irreparably damaged. Thony was an unexpected factor, but like I said before, she’s one he’s already figured out that he can use– he’s just not sure yet exactly what that will look like. Honestly I am convinced that he has security cameras in his office and that he immediately looks at the footage on his phone the moment the door to the office closes behind him, to see how the two of them will interact when alone. And they immediately prove his suspicions right when she instantly goes to Arman and holds his hand in hers for like a solid thirty seconds while they talk (I maintain she doesn't let go until she turns to walk away; fight me on it lol).

But anyway enough about Robert, because ughhhh the way Thony reaches for Arman’s hand– the bruised and aching hand that has been used to commit acts of violence against his will– and holds it so gently, and the way he stares down at it?? That touch is so huge to him, because while Thony has certainly always willingly responded to his touch, she’s almost always held herself back from instigating any kind of physical contact with him– other than her briefly touching his arm in the motel room, the last time was way back in 1x07 when she checked his bullet graze; so literally like 6 weeks ago, and in a situation where she was technically providing medical care. (Sidenote: as I’ve said before, her not touching him is not because she doesn’t want to– we all know how much I love my crossed-arms theory lol– but because she wants it too much, and there have always been too many barriers between them. Thankfully those barriers are steadily crumbling though ugh). But anyway, this situation is different again from 1x07: this isn’t her checking an injury for him– even though lbr that wound check in 1x07 was a blatant excuse to allow herself to be close to him again, even if just for a few moments; it was clear from the miniscule amount of blood on his shirt that the wound was very minor and he didn’t need stitching-- this is her saying I see you, I see what you’ve had to do, and I am still with you.

Honestly I will never get over the dichotomy between the two women in his life and their reaction to him being Robert’s ‘enforcer’: Nadia says it’s beneath him, and that he’s not some common street thug– but it very much seems like her objection is more about the fact that she feels it’s beneath her to be a woman married to a man who performs such lowly role. Being the wife of Arman Morales, the respected and powerful club owner and ‘businessman’, suited her very well and though she has been pretty on board with the whole ‘for better or worse’ thing thus far, it’s clearly because she views their current situation as a very temporary departure from that previous life, one that will soon be over and everything will be back to how it was. She doesn’t like being faced with the reality of the position he’s in, prefers to stick her head in the sand and pretend that he is just helping Robert out with little jobs, like she is. Meanwhile Thony also objects to his enforcer role– no, it’s not who you are– but she doesn’t care at all about appearances, or feel that it somehow makes him inferior to how he was before; she only cares about how it affects him, and how it makes him feel about himself. Her voice is so gentle as she speaks with him, and ugh it clearly hurts her to see the pain he’s in– because lbr, since the change in their relationship in 1x06, any pain that one of them feels, the other shares. And that’s part of what has her so upset, because she has been distracted by so many other things over these past few weeks, and he has been hiding this pain so well that she hadn’t seen it until now. He’d needed her and she hadn’t seen it, hadn’t been there for him, and that eats at her. But she’s here now, and she’ll do whatever it takes– including going against ‘everything she believes in’ (as she said earlier) and helping him sell the drugs, even though it means a number of people could suffer or even die as a result. And ugh when she tells him she’ll help him and asks when he’s meeting the buyer, he just stares at her like he can’t even compute what she’s saying, because he knows how huge it is that she would do this for him– and then when it actually sinks in that she means it, he finally swallows and answers ‘Five’ in that scratchy voice, which honestly reminds me so much of how little kids sound when they’re trying to act like they’re not about to cry. And ugh she could have so easily just told him she was okay with him selling the drugs, and sent him on his way to do it– bc lbr he doesn’t technically need her there, since there’s no expertise that she can contribute in this particular scenario– but instead she tells him she’s coming with him, bc she knows that rn he does need her there. He just needs her, and in this moment she’s making it clear to him that from now on, whatever they do– cleaning up the office, selling the drugs to make the money to buy his freedom, whatever– they do together, as partners.

And okay god I have already written so many words about this scene but here’s the final two things I die over: the way she seems to bite the inside of her lip as she turns away from him, like she’s trying not to cry; and the way that his eyes follow her as she moves away, his body breaking free of the near-paralysis he’d been experiencing and reflexively orienting itself towards her, like her body has a gravity that his is powerless against. Help. Another little headcanon to finish off: that she knows he’s still dazed from everything, so she gives him some simple instructions of what to clean up ("I'll take the rug and any stains. You pick up the glass and put everything back in its place. Okay?" ) and then while they clean she just keeps up a steady monologue about the cleaning business and the interview/job trial for Ginger and all the family coming to help, using her voice to soothe him. And then eventually when he seems steadier and the job is almost done, she sends him out to contact the buyer and confirm the time and location of the meet etc, giving him that sense of control back. Like honestly I don’t understand people who feel like Armony isn’t happening, because god, if this isn’t love, I don’t know what is.

Okay okay away from Armony for a moment. Please, writers, please make Fi and JD a thing! He is so sweet (and hot!) and I ship itttt. “I guess as a mom I don’t really think about what I want anymore” / “Sounds like that’s something we need to change around here” yes JD!!! Give my girl Fi all the happiness she deserves!! But oh shit bad time for Ginger to come back… but Luca’s cuteness always wins everyone over haha. (Also he’s almost six– is he going to start school eventually?? How’s that going to work?? Also I desperately need an upcoming ep to include a birthday party for Luca, and for Arman to be invited ugh). Anyway this moment between Ginger and Fi is so great– I love the recurring theme of women supporting women in this show!! Also lol at Ginger’s “he’s good lookin’. ooooh yeah” over JD hahaha– agreed :P

Oooooh Thony witnessing Arman and Nadia fighting… must feel weird for her, bc lbr she would feel bad for contributing to their problems, but at the same time there must be a tiny part of her that can’t help but be glad to see more cracks forming between the two of them. I assume the fight is Nadia demanding to know why the hell he called Thony there, and possibly her reaction to him telling her he’s going to take Thony with him to make the deal? I figure he almost definitely would tell her, because a) she was the one pushing for the deal anyway, and b) it’s a convenient way to excuse the fact that he’s absolutely about to ride off into the sunset with Thony no matter what.

Anyway oooh Thony witnesses Robert and Cortes together– ngl I’m very surprised that Robert didn’t make sure to clear her out first, but whatevs, I’ll roll with it lol. Also I’m trying not to get stuck on the fact that she leaves all her cleaning gear behind haha (but of course, can’t take that on a motorbike! lol). But omg. The way Arman strides towards her, and instead of just gesturing or putting a hand on her back– both which would be very normal and reasonable– literally takes her hand instead?????? Like excuse me sir I was not at all prepared for that to become a thing you just do now?? Clearly he’s been absolutely dying to touch her since his release from prison, but has been holding himself back because of everything going on with Marco, and Nadia etc (the hand on the back at their reunion was as much as he could allow himself, but it was nowhere near enough) but now it’s like she gave him permission when she knocked down that wall between them and reached for his hand, and he simply can’t help himself. Hence the way he helps her with the helmet strap even though it’s likely totally unnecessary (and all while they hold eye contact - honestly I’m totally fine about this, I swear, and not at all emotional about his bloodied hands being used to make sure she’s safe. @enigmaticfox made a gorgeous gifset highlighting this too).

I’m also obsessed with the way she looks nervous as she climbs on the bike– because of being on a motorbike itself, or because they’re heading off to sell street drugs, or because she is about to get to hold him in her arms and press her body against his for however many minutes? Lbr we all know I’m going with the third option haha. (Like c’mon, she's from Cambodia and the Philippines, the woman has for sure been on a motorbike plenty of times, so I definitely don’t think she’s nervous about the ride itself). But ugh the way he pulls her arms around him, binding them even closer together and making sure she’s safe and secure… honestly I think it is likely very clear that I have lost all ability to deal when it comes to these two. (also does he smell good Thony???) And then omg to have them ride off together as Nadia stands there and watches, a tear running down her face as she realises that her and Arman are doomed? Holy shit, show, you didn’t have to go this hard???

(Also side note: I have successfully found the location of this alley, as well as the cleaning storehouse, the diner where Garrett and Jefferson meet Madame Delilah, and the spot where Garrett pulls Thony and Arman over. My list of spots to visit next year is growing haha)

Anyway, back to Nadia, now drinking her feelings at the bar lol. Honestly I feel for her, but it’s also very much ‘sorry not sorry’ when it comes to cheering for Armony lol. But oh… “You ever wish you could take something back, even though you know it won’t change a thing?” Damn, son. I can’t pinpoint exactly what specific thing she wants to take back, but if I had to guess, maybe it’s all the sharp words she’s thrown at Arman over the past few months (aka the time he’s known Thony), and all the times she’s pushed him away or not appreciated him? Maybe she’s wishing now that she was better to him, and that if she had been, things might have been different for them– but at the same time, she already knows it wouldn’t have been. She knows Arman better than anyone– well, you could argue that Thony actually sees him and understands him better than Nadia does, because Nadia created a persona she wanted him to fit and that’s who she sees him as, rather than who he actually is underneath– but regardless, she knows that nothing she could have done would have made a difference. The moment he and Thony met, it was game over for him and Nadia– they just took a little while to realise it. And how timely that Robert should appear, calling her ‘my love’ and telling her that there’s als things he would go back and change if he could– clearly with regards to her– and then he gives her back the emerald ring. @enigmaticfox raised an amazing point about how poignant it is that he gives the ring– which was clearly some kind of symbol of her and Arman’s relationship– back to her right as she’s realising that that relationship is all but over. Phew, these writers, man.

Lol I just realised that when Garrett calls Jefferson to tell him he got a tip from a CI, he calls him ‘Jeffrey’? I assume it’s possibly a slip of the tongue from Oliver but ngl I wanna pretend that they are buds and Garrett has given him that as a nickname lol

I would pay so much moneGod y to see a deleted scene of Thony and Arman’s reaction to being chased by ‘the FBI’’ and then realising it’s Garrett lol. Especially because I bet that Arman was trying to convince her to duck down and make a run for it when he stopped the truck, and to leave him to take the fall alone. But of course she would never agree to that– like I said before, they’re in this together now, no matter what. Garrett’s reaction to seeing the two of them is priceless (small world, hey buddy??) and I guess he’s got his confirmation now of his suspicion that Thony was still involved with Arman somehow (hell of an understatement there haha). But lol at the way Arman tells her not to say anything and she immediately goes ahead and says things. He may have previously been her employer but we all know who the real boss is here lol. Also I gotta say I actually really love this three-sided dynamic??? You’ve got Thony and Arman who are obvs soulmates, then you’ve got Thony and Garrett, who have a weird reluctant kind of camaraderie even if they butt heads literally most of the time, and then you have Arman and Garrett, who hate each other’s guts but who share a common trait in wanting to protect Thony. And ugh speaking of which, Arman repeatedly insisting that Garrett leaves Thony out of this? Ugh my precious boy is always thinking of her first. And honestly every bit of this interaction is so great (the ‘hey, handsome, I’m talking to you’ is probably the best line Garrett has ever spoken lol).

A bit of a technical note though– if Armony have the bag of money, presumably from selling the drugs, why are the drugs still in the truck?? I am clearly missing something because I have not been able to figure out why they would have both the money and drugs in their possession. I mean it adds to the scene, I guess, because the bag of money is the first sign of criminal activity and then that leads to Garrett looking in the back? Idk. But honestly I actually really like Garrett’s reaction to seeing the drugs– he seems genuinely disappointed and worried about Thony? And then he gets even more pissed at Arman for supposedly bringing her into this. Like I said, I love that both these men genuinely care about Thony (obviously in very different ways– god bless this show for avoiding the love triangle route with these three and creating a totally different and much more interesting dynamic). But ugh Arman again trying to get Garrett to let her go, and then her trying to protect him, saying “It wasn’t his idea, it was mine!” and saying the meds were for her clinic (they are so ride or die for each other, ughhhh). Of course Garrett saw through that though lol, but man when he asks her if she’s working for Cortes there’s actually almost hurt there? Like it wounds him to think of yet another good-hearted person he cares about getting sucked into that world, and potentially then lying to him about it. I love that she says “No! I– we have nothing to do with Cortes.” Don’t mind me, just getting emotional over all the use of ‘we’ and ‘us’, continually referring to her and Arman as a unit– they’re a package deal, now and forever.

And ugh the way Arman stares at her when she drops the bomb about giving up Robert– this man has no idea what the hell is happening right now except that Thony is somehow saving his ass, and ugh the way he closes his eyes when she tells Garrett she’ll inform for him again (catch me over here crying over the lengths these two will go to for each other, and the way that Thony has been ‘erasing’ his sins from the start, and is now fighting to save him from ever having to commit them in the first place. There was an article that mentioned this season would be about Thony saving Arman’s soul, and I’d assumed that meant he was gonna head down a dark path and she needed to show him the light, but now it’s clear that it’s about Robert crushing his soul and her saving him from that. Ugghhhh).

But anyway honestly when the ep ended right after Garrett ~accepted the deal~ I was like NO WAIT I NEED MORE because aaaaaahhhh this plotline is gonna be SO GOOD ugh. But ngl I so desperately wanted to see Armony getting back in the truck after Garrett lets them go, and then Arman saying “I need you to tell me what just happened” and then for her to explain everything to him, because since the start of the season there’s been two major things going on in her life outside of her connection to him– the stuff with Marco/Chris/motel guy, and the stuff with Maya and Garrett– and last ep he learned about the former, and now he’s going to know about the latter, and ugh it just means a lot to me that they are literally becoming involved in every aspect of each other’s lives now. Also ugh I had such a great fic idea for a follow on from this ep (Armony arriving back at the cleaning storehouse and deciding what to do from there) and yet I have zero time to write it or literally any of my other 500 ideas about this season. Honestly I need this show to give us a week or two of hiatus just to give me some goddamn recovery time, I can’t take this level of weekly OTP perfection lol

Ugh anyways I gotta go to bed, so good luck to all of us in regards to surviving this week’s ep, and I’ll see you all in a few days for the next installment of my steady descent into madness as a result of this show lol

#The Cleaning Lady #TCL recaps #seriously how are these getting LONGER???#good lord #this show has no goddamn compassion for my poor nerves #Armony

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neon-in-the-night-time · 16 days

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oh god memorial day weekend was so chaotic this year, everything was a clusterfuck. friday and saturday were so chaotic but i barely remember what happened then bc everything sunday overshadowed it wtf

family drama and rants after the cut… also a content warning for mentions of blood

my sister and i woke up at 7 am on friday in order to beat the traffic (we couldn’t go down thursday night like our parents and my mom’s older younger brother did bc my sister had a concert). i decided to take advantage of the house being empty of my parents to look in the “witchcraft shed” to see if my mother had hidden any of my possessions i didn’t know about (my mom in the last year has gone on a crusade against “witchcraft” and after i left for college she took anything she deemed witchcraft and shoved it in this shed so that the witchcraft wouldn’t be “tainting” her home) and a few things that i knew i didn’t take with me to college but were missing when i came home weren’t in the shed (most notably the giant 6 foot wide 4 foot long spider me and two of my friends built in high school that was meant to be aragog from h*rry potter that i keep not bc i like harry potter (🤢) anymore but because he’s a giant spider and i always take him with me to sleepaway camp to decorate the unit bc he adds ambiance and also the matching smaller spiders that i made that i hung from the rafters are gone too). but what i’m most mad that she hid in the shed is this little canvas painting of a corn snake that a camper made for me 3 years ago… that goes on my camper fanart wall! that was a gift! how dare she!

anyways me and my sister rescued the shit we wanted to rescue (including the cd of the live action little mermaid soundtrack) and we went on our merry way down to the shore. all was well, we didn’t run into any traffic on the way and we got dunks for breakfast. my mom’s youngest brother was also supposed to come down on friday, and he was supposed to drop off his 13yo daughter (my cousin) at his ex-wife’s house bc it’s supposed to be her weekend. my cousin is not happy with this seeing as she has spent the first 12 memorial day weekends of her life down the shore at our beachhouse with her dad’s side of the family and the last 3-4 years since the divorce it was always her dad’s turn during mdw. my cousin had been trying to convince her mom to come down so that she can come down too and spend the day with her cousins (mainly me my sister and our two cousins who are our age (19-21)) (there’s no one her age on our side of her family). this is unlikely as her mom has not been to our beachhouse in 7 years. my uncle is trying to communicate with my aunt (ik they’re divorced but she’s still my aunt in my head idk) and trying to coordinate dropping off my cousin with her but she is not responding. he ends up taking my cousin with him down the shore. my cousin keeps complaining to me and my sister that her mom would rather go do yoga that spend time with her. the gist we are getting from the cousin is that her mom does not want to have her that weekend for whatever reason and our cousin is not happy about it. she eventually comes down saturday afternoon (without telling any of the other adults apparently. just her daughter. which my uncle (her ex-husband) and my mom were not happy about). it was extremely awkward for everyone

i don’t remember if anything happened saturday. i’m almost positive something happened but i don’t remember after the chaos of sunday

so of course the day starts at 8 am to wake up and go to my parents’ new church that’s totally not a cult… it was whatever. i’ve been zoning out during church sermons since i was like 12 so i was a pro at this. i think up gay fanfiction during the entire time. on the way back to the beach house from church i sat in the backseat of the van (a spot that i have had claimed since middle school for whole-family car rides bc not only can i zone out whatever my parents and brother are arguing about this time but i get praise for how “selfless” i am for taking the backseat, which i suppose technically has a little less legroom than the other seats). we’re on the exit ramp from the garden state parkway to get back to [town redacted]. my parents are arguing, my brother is loudly complaining about something i guess, idk, i was reading fanfiction on my phone. i was not paying attention. i am, however, paying attention when my dad rear-ends the big pickup truck in front of us on the exit ramp, which is very crowded because it’s memorial day weekend. my mom starts to yell at my dad for being reckless. my dad steps out to talk to the guy in the pickup truck. luckily for us the truck isn’t damaged, just a small gash on the front of my mom’s minivan. my dad and the guy in the pickup dap each other up (or at least i am told that’s what the gesture was after trying to explain it to my cousin). my dad gets back in the car and we start driving back to the house. my brother starts yelling about something. i don’t remember what. my mom’s still chastising my dad for driving recklessly (the pickup stopped very suddenly it would’ve been hard for my dad to stop on time). my brother continues screaming as my parents ignore him. my mom declares that we’re having “quiet time”. k-love is playing faintly in the background. my brother is not happy that we’re still playing music during quiet time. my mom wins.

also on sunday my mom’s older sister and their dad (my poppop) are supposed to come for a day trip. now the thing you need to know about my poppop is he is very old. he has dementia and he has a large number of health problems. the backs of his hands and forearms (which are normally the color of a very tan italian-american) are speckled with black. i don’t actually know why this is. he has difficulty with walking, but refuses to use mobility aids. he also isn’t allowed to drive anymore, which is why he came with my aunt. his skin is apparently really really thin (this is relevant). the plan was initially for everyone to go out to lunch at this one seafood restaurant we always go to. usually we go saturday night when the most people are here, but poppop wanted to go, and because he has been going there for decades and is friends (?) with the owner, his kids were willing to indulge him. my aunt and my poppop get there while my mom’s older younger brother, his wife, and their two sons (the aforementioned cousins who are me and my sister’s age) are down at the beach. my sister and i text our cousins saying “hey pop’s here you guys wanna come back so we can go to [seafood restaurant]?” but no. apparently poppop and my aunt want to go to the beach first. also poppop wants to go to the restaurant for dinner. everyone except me and my mom seem fine with this. before he leaves for the beach, however, poppop asks my mom if there’s any beers. she’s trying to get out of getting him a beer. i’m not sure if she was genuinely concerned for his health or doing her weird “i am in this world but i am not of this world” judgey thing again. she asks if i can look in the outside fridges for pop. i do not pick up that she does not actually want me to get him a beer, however, i thought that my uncle’s beers that he had were in bottles and not cans so when i saw the beer can on it’s side i thought it was a soda can. “sorry pop, there’s no beers in there” “uncle [redacted] must have took them with him to the beach”. my dad gets him the beer, as he also did not pick up on the fact that my mom really did not want him having that beer (she ended up being right on this one tho given what happened)

it is agreed among poppop’s kids that we are going to show up at the restaurant exactly as it opens at 4 to put our names in so that we can get poppop back home to pennsylvania at a reasonable time bc he’s old and they’re worried about his health. there are 9 people going to the restaurant: me, my sister, my mom, my mom’s older younger brother and his family, my mom’s sister, and my poppop. my dad and brother are staying back bc my brother has a ton of allergies and is eating on his own, my mom’s youngest brother and his kid left in the morning. me, my sister, and the cousin that’s my sister’s age are sent on foot to put our name in and the other six come a little later in two cars. we put our name in, we get our table, all is well. we’re waiting for about 5-10 minutes and then our aunt (my mom’s sister) comes in. she tells us that poppop fell coming out of the car and he’s bleeding heavily from his head and also his knee. she says that poppop is insisting we don’t call an ambulance. my sister and i, who are first aid/for trained and certified, say abso-fucking-lutely not, especially at his age. we tell the server we’re forfeiting our table and we walk outside to see what’s happening. when we walk out we see my mom had the same idea as us bc she’s on the phone with 911. her siblings think she’s overreacting (she’s correct to do this). my older cousin (my age) and his dad are pressing paper towels against poppop’s head to stop the bleeding. the restaurant owner (who is friends/familiar with my poppop and is also very old) and his daughter and granddaughter (who run the restaurant) are outside too (this is where they got the paper towels) (they also got a large bag of ice but it wouldn’t help much in the situation). the police arrive, ems not long after. at some point my mom has me call my dad to update him on the situation. ems gets pop bandaged up and on a stretcher in the ambulance. my mom goes with him in the ambulance, and the adultier adults (my mom’s brother, sister, and her brother’s wife) follow in one of the cars. once my older cousin has washed his hands of the blood (biohazard), my mom has the four of us drive her van back home. our cousins’ mom gives us $40 for dinner.

we drive hack home, we give my dad another update, we eventually get dinner at this italian place on the boardwalk that used to have really good really cheap pizza but has kinda fell to the wayside recently and is hella expensive now but it’s possible for me to eat there with my gluten thing which is what really matters. poppop is in the hospital until 9ish at night, the adults are arguing whether he should stay the night in the hospital, stay the night at our beach house, or drive back to pennsylvania and spend the night at home. staying at the hospital would probably be best but he really doesnt want to and the hospital discharges him. by now the other adultier adults have agreed that my mom was right to call 911. it’s decided that poppop is going to stay the night at the shore, which is an issue because the fog is really thick and we’re on the second floor of the house so he’d have to go up the wet, outdoor stairs to get up here. also because with him and my aunt staying over, we are slightly over capacity when it comes to beds. when he gets there there is a team of about 5 people surrounding him making sure he doesn’t fall again coming up the steps. nobody can agree on the bed situation, nobody is happy, at some point somebody tries to convince my sister to sleep on the trundle bed. it’s a mess.

also the whole time all this is happening my parents and sister are arguing about my sister’s birthday/her birthday gifts and my mom is being all uppitty about the fact that she doesn’t drink alcohol

#rambles #long post

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1d1195 · 2 months

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ohhh myyy godddd that’s so crazy to me. i’ve been going to weddings since i was a CHILD. i think it’s a culture thing tho bc where im from ppl are always getting married andddd you’re supposed to invite LOTS of people, there’s no such thing as a small wedding😭

but i get being tapped out !! when it’s been too many back to back i get tired and stressed abt it. also funny but i think ive only been to like one funeral ??? maybeee two idk

birthday was fun !! vry simple i stayed home all day im not much of a birthday person, or at least just not my birthday bc i love celebrating my friends. the skincare routine is ???? it’s only been a few days so im not sure yet but ill keep you updated

i was going through dresses with my mom today for the weddings that was fun, always love putting together an outfit. i got a new phone case with one of those cute charms that hang from the bottom and it feels like a whole new phone🤭

I SAW ONE OF YOUR ANONS MENTION SHATTER ME ???? SO FUNNY CAUSE IM READING IT RN (i’m on book 5, anon TRUST when i say things change) im also not a huge dystopian fan at ALL bc it’s just getting too real !!! but i picked this up because my friends were BEGGING me saying i had to read it and I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS DYSTOPIAN 😭😭😭 I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS FANTASY ???? but nope !! its taking me forever to get through them but im pushing thru💪

on the topic of books, have you ever read a court of thorns and roses ??? i spent so long avoiding it for some reason but i finally caved and O!M!G!!!!! i LOVED it. idk if u have or haven’t but i will say i think you’d LOVE rhys😉

wishing you every single good thing in the world cause you deserve it !!!!! tell me how you’ve been <3333

~🎶

The weddings I've gone too haven't been that big either. I think the max was 150 people (but could have been closer to 120). Most of them have really been ~100. It's just so expensive and that's why I'm sick of it. It's a lot to spend on a bridal shower gift, a wedding gift, AND I've been on two destination bachelorette parties so it's just literally been draining my bank account.

I love that you had a lowkey/relaxing birthday! It sounds so nice! I am actually a huge bday fan. It's the only time I want to be the center of attention (or willing to be). What's your favorite kind of outfit? Or your style in general?

Isn't it cute how a little detail can change your whole attitude about something? I got a new screen protector and I'm like "I love this phone again" and last week I was ready to go trade it in HAHHAHA

🎀-anon will hopefully see this! I'm not sure I'll ever read it tbh. Like I said, dystopian really freaks me out now. I was firmly in middle school when The Hunger Games came out and Divergent was all throughout high school. On top of that my friend was recommending a whole bunch of zombie apocalypse books at the time too I was just really stressed while reading which is not what I wanted. It's still not either hahahahaha I don't mind a little conflict obviously but reading about governments and people being horrible to each other for the sake of being horrible (essentially)... I'm all set. I would first watch the news 😂😂

I have not taken the leap to read A Court of Thorns and Roses 😭 I think it's inevitable but I have A LOT of reading to do to get through my bookshelf. I've been making slower progress which isn't very helpful either 🙃 The fantasy side of novels never really piqued my interest either but I've seen lots of good things of course about the series! I'm sure I'll read it eventually, but I don't think I will be doing so just yet. When I do, I will keep an eye on Rhys hehehehe

I've been good. I swear the weekends are getting shorter every week. I'm lowkey dreading May and June but hopefully it will go by as quick as possible 🙃 I'm thinking about taking magnesium supplement because my doctor recommended it as a way to help me get out of my funky moods, boost energy, etc. etc. It's also just supposed to be really beneficial overall. Idk, I'll try anything to fix me hahahahaha I'm reading my book and writing part 4 of Ding...I'm not sure if it'll be done in time for tomorrow. I'm hopeful, but nervous it might be a Thursday update this week. Thanks for asking! Hope you have a great rest of your weekend and stellar start to the week!

xoxo

#🎶

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thesunshinebehindyourdestruction · 3 months

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I miss 2015/2016, I had it mostly pretty good then compared to where I am now, and for the most part I knew it too. Like, yeah I was still getting over my high school sweetheart and I was dealing with my parents and living at home, but like, overall things were pretty good. I had so many friends, I was going out and doing things (I went to a fair number of concerts and went out to hangouts at a friends house every weekend or something), I felt accepted in my community, I was confident in my looks and there were a fair number of people who were crushing on me, I didn’t have to worry about bills or money bc my parents took care of my basic needs and tuition and I had a job so I could pay for my wants, I was really coming to love and accept myself for who I was, I had a strong personality that other people were drawn to, I had my issues but I hadn’t gone through my most traumatic experiences yet. There’s a photo of me in 2016 crying from laughter at an ihop when I was with my 2 best friends, and when my friends were wondering what I was so happy about I just said “I’m so glad I have friends”. I miss crying from laughter, I don’t think I’ve done that in a long time.

Idk going to that concert the other night was just, such a high point compared to all the shit I’ve gone through. I went to a patd concert in 2019 but we had seats in the balcony for that, so the last few concerts I went to that were somewhat similar to the Waterparks one the other night, with close crowds and moshing and crowd surfing and a kind of intimate relationship with the band and the crowd, were in 2015. And like, I didn’t feel socially anxious at the concert like I normally am around people these days. I had a conversation with a stranger in the parking lot and it felt totally natural, I was talking to my friend that I brought with me at a volume that other people could hear in the merch line and I just didn’t care, and when my friend left to go to one of the opener’s merch table and I stayed to listen to the other opener I didn’t feel afraid, I felt totally at home in the crowd. And I haven’t felt that way since those concerts in 2015.

Idk I just miss having friends and a community and going out and doing things that I enjoy. I miss being able to just live my life and not be afraid, I miss being young and full of love for my friends and my life. Maybe I’m romanticizing it, I know I didn’t always feel good in those days, but I was a big proponent of “fake it till you make it” and some days I was faking it, but in the end it really did help and I was making it. But things have just gone downhill since then. I want life to be as good as it was back then again. And I know that maybe I could get there again with the right mindset, fake it till I make it again, but it also feels kind of impossible.

Maybe if I do move to Santa Cruz in a year and a half I can try again to have a life like that. Make some friends, find a community, be myself, my true self. Not this shell that I’ve been left as after all my trauma. It’ll take a lot more work than it did back then, back then it was so easy, I didn’t have to try to be myself and make friends, I didn’t hide anything about who I was and friends just came to me. This time around it’ll take a lot more work to allow myself to just say “this is me” without my anxiety and people pleasing tendencies taking over, it’ll take a lot more work to find friends and a community than when I was surrounded by people in community college. But I want that life back.

#personal

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loucipherrrrr · 4 months

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Talk to ya later

but probably not.

Tbh i’m tired, fed up, bored, annoyed, beat down, exhausted. Tired of checking up on you. tired of asking how you are. tired of begging to hang out. tired of you not making time to do things with me. tired of you flaking.

NO: I have been talking about going together since november maybe even october. every month you’ve pushed it back. one month we were supposed to go and the week of you tell me your friend is coming too… “she always comes anyway” like i was supposed to know she was coming this time like she has a permanent spot when you go back home. how are 2 large dogs and 3 adults supposed to fit in your lil honda? why didn’t you think about this before i took those days off. why didn’t you say she was coming to begin with? yeah she’s Always going with you, so i thought you’d tell her not to come this time bc i Never go with you. wtf. Then january comes around i’m asking ab going again and you say you’re going for madi gras…???!!!! in february the weekend before my birthday like I don’t have plans. bitch come on!!! you got into a accident so you have no car. this literally reminds me of louis. LOL!!!!!! I would have to take my car so we’d be taking 2 cars I might as well go alone. why sit here and say let’s schedule something so we can just do things with the dogs. i think we’re actually scheduling something looking for days i can take off so we can actually do it and you FLAKE every time.

R/L/L: I’ve dropped people over flaking. Why you’re so dif idk. You flake all the time. we’d make plans to watch movies together and instead you’d be sleep. you’d rather pick up a bottle than stay up sober. “i’m so tired, i just need a nap. why didn’t you wake me?!you can still come but i’ll be sleep.” Every time i think you’ll actually wake up ON YOUR OWN to make time to WANT to hang with me. but instead i’m begging you to hang. IM always coming to you. When you did have a car you rarely came here. yes theirs stairs and blah blah bs but you work 5 minutes up the road but i’d always be meeting you at your house? I’m so tired of doing things for fuckers that wouldn’t do the same for me.

N: I’ve watched your child multiple times for you while you’ve gone to wherever. i’ve asked you to watch stella once. i never go anywhere as is but if i were to “need a break” i’d still have to deal with mine bc you’re normally “going through it” too. like it’s never equal? “i’m getting another job can you watch her until i get my life together?” i say sure bc my child needs a play fucker but what if i’m tired of mines but you’re going through it too? like wtf.

Tired of me asking you if you’re good. asking if you’re alive. asking if you’re okay. asking about you. asking this that and the third without you asking me for shit. yeah i can’t keep my mouth shut and i’m just rambling half the time anyway. but when i’m not you’re silent… no are you okay without me saying i’m not. no are you goods from you.

You always got company. always doing some shit then complaining about it later. Complaining about having people at your house till 4am then saying you didn’t get any sleep and also getting drunk after you said you’re done drinking. “this is my last night out” Everytime you go out. Lmao i just be wanting to be included but for that to happen i have to ask instead of you just offering… but you’ll tell your company about whatever y’all got going on she’s always invited. Am i to much? To little? What’s the problem??If you don’t want me there just say that before I make a fool outta myself. I swear you be thinking that shit is funny.

you said you were spirling i said i am too. i asked you the next day if you were good but you didn’t ask me. haven’t asked me shit since actually. you stay MIA often and i’m always trying to figure out if you’re okay or not. If you need anything or whatever but i swear you be forgetting ab other people around you. But I’m not talking about your company that you have around you 24/7 i’m taking be me the nigga who dropped whatever they got going on to make sure you’re good thinking you’ll do the same. LMFAO.

your company you always got with you is all you think about. i’m so mf tired of it. i bet you lost my house key i gave you. lmfao i’ll be changing my emergency contact soon. don’t worry ik you’ll be to busy to come out anyway

ps: lol you remember when i made a matching set of earth girls and the one i made you, you didn’t want ᵒʳ ˡⁱᵏᵉ. ʷᵉ ʷᵉʳᵉ ˢᵘᵖᵖ��ˢᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ᵗᵃᵗᵗᵉᵈ and that never happened. but now all of a sudden i make a betty pic that you like better and you want to get that tatted instead… it doesn’t work like that.

definitely weird behavior. don’t wanna be around it anymore. tbh i’m good in solitude. 🧑🏽‍🦯😘🕺🏽🫡

#toodles #haha oops

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spoonless-sunflower · 1 year

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I woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Slept in, called Leo to make sure she got the East coast safely and was doing well, and was ready to center myself. I did a good job for maybe an hour or two doing stretches, meditating, watching MP100, and then...shit hit the fan.

I got a text from a co-worker saying accounts were being deactivated again and that it looked like layoffs were happening at our job. I ran onto Slack to see what was going on but things were frozen and nothing was posted so I couldn’t find any information. I had to just...sit and wait to see if I still had a job and if I did...how it was going to look soon.

I called a friend to cry bc this is the 3rd round of layoffs. I was already preparing to leave this job but I thought I had until the end of the year. Now even if I wasn’t going to get laid off, the schedule would have to be moved up. This place was too insecure.

Suddenly another text from my co-worker...”they laid off everyone”

“Who’s everyone?? From what department??”

I was told only a handful from our department remained..including myself. All of our co-workers were gone.

I jumped on to Slack right in time to see our director post a meeting link and didn’t hesitate to hang up the call with my friend and hop into the meeting even though it was my day off. I was steaming and sad and confused and I wanted answers.

Our department head explained that the situation and asked us if we had any questions. I raised my hand immediately and tried to calm myself bc I didn’t want to get mad or yell at anyone bc I wanted to tear someone apart. I asked politely why they keep laying our teammates off with no warning. I let them know it was demoralizing to those of us fortunate enough to stay and asked if we could go about this differently moving forward.

They explained that they fought to be able to tell us but bc higher ups were also up to be laid off and had access to sensitive info, executives were afraid they could leak or steal info out of anger. So layoffs had to be kept under wraps.

They also explained the new company structure. The long and short of it is that those of us leftover basically got promoted today but by title only. Both of the tier two departments have now been laid off so we are now tier 2. The offshore teams are tier 1. In a couple of weeks, even my work schedule will change and so will my workload. I’ll also have to learn new types of escalations. But I probably won’t see a single cent for the extra work.

The good news is I’m ahead of the curve on the technical half since they had already tried to promote me when they cut the technical support last time. But I need to learn the hardware half. It’s a bit trickier for me but I know I can pick it up.

The part I’m most stressed about is that they’ve made it pretty clear that they can only guarantee our job security for another 6 months. So my timeline to jump ship has been cut in half.

With Leo in the middle of a funeral this weekend, I did let her know something stressful happened, but I didn’t want to drop this whole bomb. So I talked to my friends and brother and have been dealing with it well enough. But I let her know I’d update her when she got home.

On the bright side, I’ve finally been promoted above tier 1 support...but at what cost..At least it will look good on my resume and hopefully make the job search easier. I am good at this kind of work and I think I can do well as long as there are jobs available. I think the scariest part for me is getting connected to people on Linkedin and such. Being sociable is scary. Idk how to be in work or professional settings very well. I mean I’m still here so I’m doing something right but still..

Anyway, I’m going to try my very best. I’m sad and scared and I have to restructure my schedule again for the year but I will not lose track of my goals, dreams, and what’s most important!!

#sunbun talks #q

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missmonsters2 · 3 years

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today I feel awful... idk my insecurities are taking over me and I just want to curl into a ball and cry. maybe it's my hormones maybe the fact that I weighted myself and found out I gained weight (I can't fit into my jeans 😭) and the fact that I saw my sister in a tight skin dress looking perfect while I'm in my pj's just destroyed my confidence. I need something angsty to read to make me forget about my sad, miserable lffe right now. would you be down in writing sth angsty with nat maybe? you don't have to though. it's fine either way. I really appreciate all of your work and I keep reading on repeat whenever I'm feeling down. makes me cheer up. thank you, van ❤️

It's like we're the same person because I also went to visit my sister recently and my sister has gotten her life together and is living her best hot girl bod while I...let's not go there.

I just want you to know that you're hot as fuck and a body is just a body that we can change with time and effort. We're lit rally in this together. This time next year, we will be rocking the body that makes up happy and we'll be healthy!!! 💘💘

But I will still give you nat angst...but with a happy ending bc I said you deserve a HEA!!

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The Withers of Springtime Bloom

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring is a time of blooming and when things come back to life. You can't help but notice things that may be causing your relationship with Natasha to wither.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, insecurities about body, relationship with working out and food, seasonal depression. angst with HEA.

Count: 2.1k~

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You're not sure when things changed.

Things change so slowly after all.

Without you noticing, things change and change and change until one day, you do notice.

You notice that Natasha has become quieter, somber.

You notice the lack of date nights and affectionate touches.

You notice that you've let yourself go a little.

You're standing in front of the mirror, staring at your body with a frown. You've gained weight since dating Natasha, but relationship weight gain was normal, wasn't it?

But you remember how Natasha was just as fit as she was before she met you. Sure, she was a superhero, and you were a regular civilian; there was no reason for you to train long hours as Natasha did.

Still...

You turn to the side and peer at yourself in the mirror again.

You can't help but wonder...were you becoming less attractive to her?

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It had been the beginning of fall when you met Natasha. You loved the season of change and when things turned into warm colors before withering away for winter to come.

Natasha had come like a blessing, and in the winter, she was just warm as the colors of fall. Instead of withering away, she bloomed and invested that warmth in your relationship with her.

Despite always being an early riser to work out, weekends were the days she stayed in bed with you just a little longer. There had been so many breakfasts, lunch, and dinner dates. You found yourself moving things around or neglecting to work around her busy schedule.

Perhaps that was when things began to change. Eating out so often and forgoing working out to spend time with Natasha was what led to this.

Spring has arrived, and things are coming back to life. Yet somehow, your relationship with Natasha was withering away.

"Hey," you greet her as you come home, shopping bags in hand. You bought some more clothes when things felt like they didn't fit comfortably anymore. The experience had been upsetting for you, and you didn't end up buying too much, telling yourself you didn't want to spend too much when you were going to lose the weight.

Natasha was working in her office, peering down over reports, and barely acknowledged you other than with a hum.

"Long day?" You ask her as you put your things away and walk over to her.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. "Trying to get these reports done since Maria needs them tomorrow."

That had been Natasha's excuse for spending long hours in her office every night for the last two weeks.

You place your hand on Natasha's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze, but she leans to the side as if to readjust herself, but still away from your touch.

The sting immediately comes, but you try to push it down, so it doesn't hurt as bad.

"Right," you say hoarsely, but Natasha stares on at the reports. "I'm just going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day and all. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha gives you a nod as you leave the room. You feel awkward as you lie in the bed you share with her. You wonder if you're taking up too much space.

There's a pang of something as you try to curl yourself to be smaller and only distantly realizing you've skipped dinner before you fall asleep.

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You fall back onto the mat, chest heaving and your lungs burning.

It's been a while since you've worked out, and now you're definitely paying for it with how unfit you are.

The gym is moderately empty with the hour it is. You hate going to a public gym because it always feels like someone is staring, but it's better for strangers to stare than working out at the Compound for people you know to stare at you.

The rational part of you knows that you should just talk to Natasha, but the emotional side of you whispers that you won't like what Natasha has to say, that she might even end it before you've had a chance to change yourself.

When weeks pass, and you weigh yourself again, you almost start crying because you've only lost a couple of pounds.

It's normal, you know it is. You're losing weight at a normal rate, but it's not enough. You know fast weight loss wouldn't make sense for your body but you also feel you don't have half a year to go back to your normal weight.

You sit on the bathroom floor for hours, debating what to do when you hear a quiet knock.

"Sweetheart, are you in there?" Natasha's muffled voice comes through.

You wipe at your eyes furiously as you stand up.

"Y-Yeah," you answer back. "I'm just in the tub soaking."

There's a moment of silence through the door before Natasha answers back, "Alright. Enjoy yourself. Did you want me to order anything specific for dinner?"

"No, it's okay," you tell her. "You order anything you want. I already ate on my way home." You think about the chicken salad you've been eating for the past two weeks and almost sigh.

Natasha answered that she just came back to see if you've eaten, but she actually had to head back to the Compound. You were Natasha shuffling around before leaving through the front door, and you let out the breath you were holding.

You actually take a long, hot shower before putting on sweats and a big hoodie.

The truth was, you were hungry. The chicken salad was okay on the way home, but it had been a couple of hours since.

You knew starving yourself wasn't the answer, so you went into the kitchen to see if you could find something healthy to hold you over until you could go to bed.

But you can't find anything in the fridge except for Natasha's leftovers from whatever she ordered the day before. You can't find anything except frozen pizzas and microwavable foods.

You check the calories on the back and let out a frustrated sigh. Checking your watch, you realize it's too late in the evening to go grocery shopping because, by the time you get there, stores will have closed.

You slump down on the floor, leaning against the cabinets as you let out a pathetic whimper while your eyes became hot with tears.

You miss Natasha. You want Natasha holding you and telling you it would be okay. But you couldn't have that until you were back to what you were when you met her.

The front door suddenly opens.

"Have you seen my—sweetheart?" Natasha started to call before she noticed you sitting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

You use your sleeve to wipe at your eyes as you sit up straight.

"Nothing," you sniffle before you start to stand. "I just stubbed my toe against the edge of the kitchen island. What were you looking for? USB? You left it next to the bedside."

Natasha stares at your back, hair still wet as she takes in your attire.

"It's a little hot to be wearing a hoodie and sweats, isn't it?" Natasha asks softly. "Doesn't seem like you turned on the aircon in here."

You keep walking, but Natasha starts to follow you.

"'m cold," you say quietly so she can't hear the tremble in your voice.

"Are you feeling sick?" Natasha asks with concern as you sit down on the couch, turning on the TV. You pull the blanket over you as if to make your point.

"No," you tell her because you don't want her to worry. "Just cold after a bath."

Natasha sets her things down before she takes a seat next to you. Even in the low lighting, she can see your eyes rimmed red and dampness of them.

You're refusing to look at her as you have your knees drawn up to your chest and stare stubbornly at the TV screen.

Then she hears it.

Your stomach grumbles.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Natasha asks softly again. "We can just order food and stay in tonight."

Your cheeks grow hot. "Don't you have to be at the Compound?"

You don't mean to snap at her, but you can't help but feel embarrassed.

Natasha remains quiet for a moment, quickly thinking over the last few weeks before she feels guilt trickle in.

She doesn't remember the last time she ate with you—doesn't remember the last time she saw you eat.

"Sweetheart," she calls you gently again, and you bristle at the tone. "Is there something wrong?"

The fragile dam you've built to keep the weeks of compiling emotions at bay breaks, and you're hurtling down the stream over the waterfall.

"Are you not in love with me anymore?" You choke out as you begin to cry.

You can't even register to feel horrified at your breakdown because you just need to know.

"I know...I know my body has changed since we first met and I've gained weight but I really am trying to lose it. I just—I feel like you're avoiding me. At first, I thought things at work have been really stressful for you, and I wanted to give you space but you're gone all the time. You're gone even when you're here."

Natasha can barely understand anything you've said after hearing you say the first part. Her breath hitches painfully in the back of her throat, and she legitimately feels appalled at herself.

She starts to say something, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me because if you're going through something then I want to support and be there for you. But I can't help but feel like you're grossed out by me. I mean—I feel grossed out when I look at myself. I feel like I'm taking up so much space—"

Natasha cuts you off abruptly, pulling off the blanket as she pulls at you until you're in her lap.

"Nat—"

"You're not gross and this is not about the weight you have or have not gained. You hear me?" Natasha says forcefully as she holds you close to her, hand over your thigh to keep you against her.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I've been making you feel like you're not attractive me," Natasha's eyes well up as your tears wet her shoulder. "You're literally still the most gorgeous person I've ever met and you're always going to be that to me."

Natasha's hand at your waist dips underneath your hoodie, her fingers trailing up your back as she sighs at your warmth. "I should've told you, but the springtime is just really hard for me. It's odd because it's a time for things to come back to life but some of the worst things have happened to me during the spring and things blooming makes me think about things that aren't coming back. I think it's also just a little bit of seasonal depression too. I'm just the rare percentage that gets it in the spring."

The explanation makes your body sag with relief because while you feel so horrible that there is a reason Natasha doesn't like spring, she's not falling out of love with you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you," Natasha apologizes again. "I didn't mean to be so distant but I didn't want to bring your mood down as well, which is why I've been working so much to keep busy."

"It's okay," you muttered as your turn your head, forehead pressed against her neck. "I'm sorry spring is depressing for you."

Natasha merely hushes you as she kisses the side of your head.

You begin to feel awkward, thinking about how you must be heavy on her and try to move, but Natasha doesn't let you.

"Sweetheart, I don't know how to convince you that you're perfect to me," Natasha says so seriously as she forces you to look at her. "If you want to lose weight because that is what you want, then I support you. But I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care either way because you're so fucking lovely to me always. Do you understand?"

Timidly, you reply, "Okay. Thank you."

Natasha presses her lips against yours in a long kiss before she pulls back.

"Now, I'm going to ask again. Are you hungry? We can order in and watch that new show on Netflix I heard was pretty good from Wanda."

You feel lighter. You think you might still want to work out because that would make you happy, but you don't feel the rush like you did just a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah," you say shyly. "But maybe something not so heavy?"

Natasha nods as she presses another kiss into your cheek as she helps you settle onto the couch right beside her to grab her phone.

"Anything to make you bloom."

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff oneshot #black widow x reader #black widow x you #black widow imagine #avengers imagine #avengers x reader #mm: my fics #g.angst #g.fluff

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drawlfoy · 2 years

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4/1

alternate title: the 4 times i wanted to break up with draco malfoy. and the one time i did

masterlist request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: yes...almost a year late tho this has literally been sitting in my drafts since june

summary: draco malfoy is your boyfriend, but he has a funny way of showing it. the end is very “good for her” vibes.

WARNINGS: themes of gaslighting, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, implied sexual content, explicit language. my loves, this is my take on draco as a little bitch of a controlling and toxic bf. so plz keep this in mind whilst reading

a/n: so i’ve sat on this request for a hot min. idk why i stopped writing it but i’m pretty sure i stopped bc i was like damn i did not need to go this hard on a request and put my whole drawlfussy into making draco a horrible human being fjkd;salf. this is the most negative portrayal of him on my blog. i am legally obligated to tell u that if any of this draco’s behaviors or sayings remind you of your partner i implore you to leave him/her. not to wax philosophical or anything but my last relationship was not super great and i left without getting to say anything that i rlly wanted to say to them. the ending is a bit cathartic for me as it’s everything that i wish i had a chance to do :) i hope u enjoy.

wc: 5.6k

tags: @writeandtranslate @sycathorn-slush @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @yiamalfoy @crystalox @dracoismybabey @dreamcxtcherr @decaffeinated-turtle @marrymetheonott @felicityofbakerstreet @daedreamss @sycathorn-slush @writeandtranslate @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural @sycathorn-slush @big-galaxy-chaos

music recs:

burning pile - mother mother

no children - the mountain goats

i want you - mitski

jobless monday - mitski

drunk walk home - mitski

She couldn’t believe that she used to like how it felt.

Her relationship with Draco started like a fairytale, like the beginning of a great romantic story that would make even the most seasoned rom-com writer swoon. Soulmates weren’t real, not to her knowledge, but somehow he was perfect for her. There were too many things that added up--like how they had the same lucky numbers, the same type of wand, the same way that they used their quill as bookmarks when one wasn’t available, the way he always managed to finish her sentences and guess what she was thinking…

They had been perfect together. At least, perfect enough during the first 3 months that she only took the mentions of Astoria with a grain of salt. It didn’t hurt that he sweetened every comparison.

“Wow,” he’d say as he looked down at the gift she brought him from Hogsmeade one weekend when he wasn’t feeling well, “No one has ever made me feel this way before. I mean, Astoria would just leave me alone when I was sick. She never got me anything. Thank you. For making me feel...special, I guess.”

He’d always press the pad of his thumb into her dimple and let her try on his rings that were far too big for him, bringing up how Astoria would always insist on him shrinking them to fit her. It always gave Y/N a little bit of an uneasy feel, but if Draco said that they were over, they were over.

“Love, you have nothing to worry about,” he told her one day after she expressed her nervousness to him. “I told you. We’re completely over. Plus, she’s gone completely mad. Keeps sending me owls telling me how she can’t imagine herself with anyone else. It’s pathetic, really. You, on the other hand...well, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

She glowed up at him at the sound of this, filing away the note about Astoria owling him and instead basking in the joy of his praise. Y/N had never been with someone who saw her in such an amazing light. Draco Malfoy, the cold, sometimes cruel, aristocratic Slytherin somehow looked at her and decided that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him. And there was nothing that could feel as good as that.

It couldn’t get any better. So, naturally, it got worse.

Y/N understood that Draco and Astoria had to spend at least some time together--they were both on the Slytherin Quidditch team and their families were very close--but it seemed to be getting excessive.

“Listen, Y/N,” he said to her after she voiced her concerns once again. “There’s nothing going on between me and Astoria. You know that I can’t cut her off. She’s basically part of my family at this point.”

“I just don’t understand why you had to be alone in your room to study,” said Y/N, fighting back her tears as she sat cross-legged on Draco’s bed. “I don’t understand. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Her roommates were being loud and the common room was freezing,” he said as he searched for a sweatshirt in his drawer. “I know she’s worried about the Transfiguration exam. My family would disown me if they knew I didn’t offer my help and she failed.”

Y/N swallowed, allowing the silence to engulf them for a few seconds.

“Draco?”

“What’s up?” He didn’t even bother to look in her direction.

“What did you tell Astoria when she sent you those owls after we started dating?”

Draco ceased all movement for a second before resuming his search. “Er. I told her that if she didn’t respect our relationship we couldn’t be friends.”

“And did she? Respect our relationship?”

He stood up suddenly, the drawer slamming shut. “Obviously. We’re friends now, right? What’s your point?”

“Nothing,” said Y/N. Why was he being so defensive all of a sudden? “I just realized we never talked about that is all. I never told you how much it hurt when she sent me that owl after you first asked me out calling me a rebound fuck or whatever. I wanted to clear things up.”

“Oh,” he responded. “Sorry. Glad I could clarify things for you.”

“Thanks.”

He leaned over to desk to grab his shower caddy full of his shampoo and various other toiletries before pausing. “But you know what? I get why you might be concerned about Astoria, or whatever, but do you have any idea how much it hurts for you to imply that I’m a shitty enough person to cheat on you? Especially when you’re still talking to Potter?”

“Whoa,” said Y/N. “What? He told me that he got into his dream medical program. That was it. That was all it was. We’ve hardly spoken since you asked me--”

“And what does ‘hardly spoken’ mean?” he spat, glaring at her from the desk.

“As in we’ve had a few conversations,” said Y/N, staring down at her hands as her nails dug into her palms. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. They were nothing. He just said hi to me in the library once.”

“Good to see you so invested still in his career opportunities,” Draco drawled.

“That’s not--”

“And now you’re going to deny it?” He scoffed. “Wow.”

She bit her lip as tears started coming to the surface. The guilt she felt for not telling Draco about the encounter in the library was quickly covering up any worry she had about Astoria. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say. I made a mistake, but I broke up with him a year ago.”

“I would be more inclined to take your apology seriously if you weren’t constantly trying to justify yourself,” he said. His composure was clearly regained.

“I’m just trying to explain. I’m sorry. I understand where you’re coming from and I shouldn’t have done that.”

He sighed, keeping his eyes locked on her for a few seconds. “Okay. I think I need a little time by myself. Do you mind?” He sidestepped away from the door, tilting his head towards it.

“Oh.” Y/N wasn’t sure what she was expecting--maybe a hug from him, maybe make-up sex--but whatever it was, it wasn’t this. “For what it’s worth, I really don’t think you’re a shitty person. Or that you’re cheating on me. I just get nervous sometimes. And insecure. I’m sorry. I love you more than anything.”

He let out another deep exhale. “Thanks for listening. I’ll let you know when I feel comfortable talking again.”

“Wait. Are we breaking up?” Y/N asked, her voice becoming shrill at the end.

He shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I need to think.”

About what Y/N had to keep herself from saying to him.

And thus concluded their first real fight. Y/N went and cried herself to sleep in her room, mostly out of confusion, while, from what she heard after the end, Draco and Astoria were seen chatting away the night in the common room.

II.

The second time was much more blood-boiling. Looking back on it, Y/N wished that she could throttle him then and there. But only hindsight is 20/20.

After making up, Y/N brought Draco a bouquet of flowers that she knew were his favorite after the Quidditch Match. He’d grinned down at her, sweeping her off her feet and peppering kisses around her cheeks.

“Just who I wanted to see,” he crooned, setting her onto his bed and running his fingers through her hair.

“Can we nap?” she asked, leaning into his touch. He beamed down at her, pulling her into a hug once again. THIS was the Draco she knew--not the one that exploded at her in his room the week before. He’d just had a bad week.

“Of course.” He turned around to go fishing through his dresser again. She tried not to flinch at the memory of what conversation had ensued the last time she watched the scene before her. “Want a shirt?”

“Yeah.” She failed at holding back a giant grin. His shirts were always so soft and smelled like his cologne--a dead ringer for her Amortentia.

Draco turned and tossed her a sweatshirt from the top of his dresser as he quickly changed into sweatpants. Y/N laid back in his bed, examining his room in the dim light. It was moments like these that she’d be willing to give everything for. Her boyfriend’s bed was so, so soft and the sweatshirt was so cozy. She felt the bed dip to her side and arms fold around her, pulling her into Draco’s warm chest.

“I wish I could freeze this moment in time and live in it forever,” she whispered, letting her fingers trace up and down his chest as she felt it shake a bit with his laughter.

“Me too.”

From her position, she had a perfect vantage point to look at the corkboard hanging over his desk. Out of sheer curiosity, she squinted at the notes pinned to it. As far as she could see, all the notes had some incredible sentimental value, whether it be from his mother or an artifact from a special day of his. A grin stretched across her face as she wondered if she’d be able to find one of the many notes she’d written to him pinned up.

“What are you smiling about?” Draco teased, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Noth--” the words died on her tongue as her eyes locked onto the final note. The tell-tale fancy cursive and signature was most certainly not hers. But she knew whose it was. The nausea that followed was immediate. Why was he saving notes from her?

She squinted a little harder to make out what it said in the low lighting.

“Dearest Draco,” it read, “My parents wanted me to send this fruit basket to you as a celebration for your final year at Hogwarts. I hope you know that we’ve always got your back. No matter what. Yours, Astoria.”

“Is something wrong?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing. He looked so concerned that Y/N thought that maybe telling him wouldn’t ruin the moment.

“I’m looking at your corkboard,” she told him, not trusting her voice not to shake. “And I’m seeing that you kept a note that Astoria wrote to you after we started dating. And you don’t keep any of mine.”

The energy immediately shifted as he sat up. “Are you actually serious?”

“Yes?” said Y/N, more confused than anything. “Can we please talk about this?”

“You know how it makes me feel when you imply that I’m cheating on you,” he said.

“I never said--”

“Then why bring it up?” he asked. “Honestly, at least she was never this sensitive. At this point it seems like you’re trying to get me to cheat on you.”

“Oh my god,” she said, pulling his covers off her and sitting up. “You’re seriously going to say that after you know how insecure she makes me feel?”

“Listen, Y/N,” he began, “If you’re not the type of girl who can handle my friendship with Astoria then that’s okay. But if that’s a deal-breaker I need to know now.”

“No! No, I want to be with you,” said Y/N, feeling her hysteria rise. “I respect it! Little stuff like this worries me, though, and I just want your reassurance. That’s all I want from you.”

“I shouldn’t have to justify what I keep on a corkboard,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. “She’s just a family friend. It meant a lot to me to hear that from her and her family. I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this. If you can’t deal with this, then just say so. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Oh.” Y/N swallowed, pulling her knees into her chest. Why was everything so confusing? When things were good, they were perfect. Astoria was just...a constant obstacle for her to overcome. But he was worth it. He was always worth it, and she would do anything it took to make things right again, even if it meant swallowing her feelings. “I’m sorry. I know I’m overreacting.”

He reached out to cup her cheek. “Hey. It’s okay. Thanks for telling me. I guess I’ll try and distance myself as much as I can. It might be hard though, you know. Just because of our family. I’m sorry if it’s not enough for you.”

“No, no, Draco.” The guilt flowed into her as she realized just how much of a problem she was causing over this. He never cared if she talked to any of her exes, and it wasn’t like she had strong family ties to them. “You don’t have to do that if it’s a hassle. I trust you. You’re enough for me as you are.”

I want to trust you she thought as she looked at the boy in front of her. I just don’t know if I can.

III.

The Yule Ball brought all sorts of festivities. Y/N felt her worries slip away as Draco asked her to the ball in extravagant fashion, filling her room with her favorite flowers and giving her a locket with their initials etched into it. His devotion to her was clear, and she felt it as he twirled her across the floor of the Great Hall.

“I’m so happy I got to spend this with you,” she whispered to him as she rested her head on his shoulder while they swayed. “And I’m so excited to spend the holidays together.”

“Believe me, me too,” he whispered back, spreading out his fingers on her back to hold her a bit closer. “You look beautiful.”

“I couldn’t let you blow me out of the water now, could I?” she teased, relishing in the feel of his smile forming.

“You mean the world to me, I hope you know that,” he said a few beats later. “I’d do anything for you.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course, love.” He pulled away to frown down at her, his eyebrow slightly furrowed. “Is something wrong?”

Y/N sighed. She couldn’t pretend the be the perfect girlfriend any longer when this was eating her alive. “It’s just...I saw you and Astoria together at the Three Broomsticks.”

All the softness immediately disappeared from Draco’s face. “We were just going over Quidditch strategy for our next game.”

“But why with her?” she asked. “She’s two years younger. Why don’t I ever see you talking to Pucey? He’s the one who’s going to be captain when you leave.”

“She wanted extra coaching.” His voice was flat. “You know my family will be angry with me if I say no to that.”

“But we were supposed to go on a date that day!” she exclaimed.

They’d stopped dancing, and Draco finally let go of her and stepped back. “It was a family thing. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it actually is. You always do this. Can you please just let this be a good night for us?”

“Excuse me?” she hissed, feeling her cheeks grow red. “Maybe you shouldn’t blow off your girlfriend to go out for drinks with your ex.”

“I told you,” he began waspishly, “She’s a family friend. She’s hardly my ex. Either way, you’re being completely ridiculous and you’re embarrassing me. I think it’s best that we spend the holidays separately.”

And with that, he left her alone in the middle of the dance floor.

IV.

Dearest Y/N,

I’ve been thinking of you this holiday season. I really miss you. It seems like it’s been forever since I’ve gotten to see you. I’m sorry that we weren’t able to spend the holidays together. At the time, I thought I needed the space, but now I really regret it. I know I’ve been reactive lately. I’ve just been stressed. I’ve been such a shitty boyfriend to you, making you worry like this. I love you, Y/N, and I can’t wait to see you this January. There’s a package with this letter. I hope it made it to you. Wear it and think of me, will you, love? I annotated a few of the books I sent you, too. I am seeing if I can come visit this weekend if my schedule allows it.

Yours forever, Draco

Y/N sighed as she ran her fingernail over the stones of the choker he’d given her. The diamonds glittered under her fingertips. It was a beautiful, beautiful gift. He had included a few wizarding books—one on herbology, something he knew she liked, and another contemporary fiction book that all of her friends were talking about. She glowed at the thought that he was paying such close attention to what she liked. This was what made all the pain worth it, she thought, as she gazed lovingly at the note in her hands. He loved her. He was right, she had nothing to worry about. She was choosing to trust him, like you did in any healthy relationship.

Seeing him later that week made her heart skip a beat. Her parents had left for dinner, leaving her and Draco to have some privacy. She leapt into his arms moments after he’d stepped out of the Floo.

“Hiiii,” she said, pressing kisses into his neck. She could feel his smile.

“Hiii,” he echoed. “How have you been?”

“I’ve missed you more than anything,” she admitted, bouncing once on her bed as she sat down. “I have so much to tell you. I want to hear all about your winter break first, though. How was Christmas?”

“It went well,” he said, walking over to her bookshelf. “It was great to catch up with Edward. He and Father argued the entire night over the credibility of Rita Skeeter’s work—”

“Wait,” she said, sitting up ramrod straight. He turned to her, his eyebrows raised. “Edward? Like, Edward Greengrass?”

“Yeah, the Greengrasses were there,” he said slowly, a frown forming on his face.

“I didn’t know about that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He sighed. “Love, I did tell you. I guess you weren’t listening. Or you just don’t remember. Your memory has never been the best, has it?”

Y/N swallowed, racking her brain for any remembrance of that mention. She came up with nothing. Had she really just…forgotten? No, she wouldn’t have forgotten about that. “Oh. I guess I don’t remember.”

Draco’s smile was strained. “I see the books I sent you on your bookshelf already. Did you get through them that fast? I know you only put them there if they’re finished.”

“Oh, no, I’m still getting around to them,” she said, reassurance flooding her once again at the feeling of being recognized.

“Oh.” Draco went silent.

“Is there something wrong, love?” she asked, leaning forward so she could see his face better. He was wearing a deadly serious expression.

“No, it’s nothing. It’s fine,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “I just…I spent a lot of time annotating those for you. I just hope you actually get around to reading them. I know you have a habit of just forgetting about them.”

“No, Draco, they’re on my list!” she said, trying desperately to lighten the mood. “I promise I’ll get around to reading them. They made my week. Thank you.”

“If you say so.”

“Anyway,” rambled Y/N, “I’ve been dying to tell you something. I’ve come to the decision that I want my concentration to be on Potions and Arithmancy. I wrote to Snape over the break, and he told me that my plan would be excellent if I wanted to go into healing. Isn’t that great?”

“Yeah, yeah, definitely.”

“You don’t seem like you agree.”

Draco dropped his hands to his side in a dramatic swoop. “I’m sorry. I’ll try and be more enthusiastic. It just seems like a lot for you, you know? Like, you’re a History girl and you always have been. Why do you want to go into healing? You don’t have the skills for that. Most future healers start helping Madame Pomfrey by second year.”

“I know I don’t have experience in healing,” she said, deflated. “But Snape told me that my grades were exemplary and that he’d be willing to write a stellar recommendation to the program of my choice—”

“Ok, ok, I’ll shut up,” he said, holding his hands up in a surrender. “I’m happy for you, doll. Even if I don’t agree with your career choices.”

Y/N’s mouth felt dry as he came down to kiss her forehead. Something felt horribly wrong within her, like she was homesick. But she was in her childhood bedroom, with the love of her life—there was nowhere more like home.

She had to be dreaming. She had to be dreaming. There was no other reason as to why she could clearly see Draco and Astoria studying together in the library, Astoria giggling while Draco threaded his fingers through her hair. Especially after Draco had owled her, telling her he didn’t feel well enough to walk around the school grounds with her like they’d planned.

Fueled by nothing but rage, she approached the table. “Draco,” she said, nodding a greeting to Astoria. The girl seemed unbothered by her presence, turning to give Draco the slightest eyebrow raise.

“Y/N, how good to see you,” she said, sending her a little wave.

“Do you think you could go? I need to speak to Draco. Alone.”

They shared glances. “I’m sorry love, we really need to get this project done for her Runes class,” explained Draco.

“She can do it herself, I’m sure,” she said.

“Sorry, doll, but she can’t. I gave her my word that I would help her.”

“Like you gave me your word that we’d go on a walk together?”

He shrugged. “I caught a chill. I didn’t think I could handle the winter air. I’ll come by your room after. It’ll only be a bit longer.”

Stunned, Y/N stared at him. Draco gazed back, his face devoid of any concern. “Er, right then. I’ll see you later.”

The homesickness was coming back, full force, like she wanted to vomit. But more pronounced than that was her fury. How dare he lie and cancel on her? How dare he snap at her for having one conversation with Harry when he turned around and did that with Astoria?

Y/N skipped dinner waiting for Draco to come by her room. One hour passed, then two, then three. It was just past curfew when a knock finally sounded at her door.

“Come in,” she said. Draco opened the door, stepping in.

“Sorry for the wait,” he said briskly, setting his satchel on her chair. It occurred to her that he hadn’t even had the chance to stop by his room to drop his things off. He’d been with Astoria the entire time. “We ran into a bit of a snag with the—”

“I don’t care about the fucking project, Draco,” she said, her voice cracking. “I need to talk to you about this. I was okay with you being friends with Astoria. I was fine with you keeping contact. But I’m not okay with you lying to me—”

“I have never lied to you about Astoria. Stop overreacting,” he snapped. It was like another person had possessed the sweet Draco that was her boyfriend, any semblance of affection leaving his expression. “Don’t you ever try to blame me for the fact that you have a piss poor memory.”

“I don’t understand!” Y/N cried out. “I don’t understand why you insist on prioritizing Astoria over me but then blow up when I so much as look at Harry—”

“That’s different,” he interrupted. “You know it’s different. We’ve been enemies for years. You have to understand—”

“I’ve tried to understand,” she said. “I’ve tried so, so hard. You don’t even know how much I’ve tried to twist these situations around to make sense. But I’m tired of it, Draco. I wish I could just trust you. I can’t.”

He scoffed. “Are you seriously going to break up with me over this? That’s ridiculous and you know it.”

“Of course I’m not—”

“You are so ungrateful sometimes,” he continued, cutting her off. “Most people wouldn’t put up with this kind of bullshit accusatory behavior from their partner. Grow up, Y/N.”

“Ok.” She looked down at her palms, interlacing her fingers together for the much needed strength. “Ok. If I’m so ungrateful and such a pain to be around, then you don’t have to be anymore. Consider it done. We’re over.”

Draco froze. “Um, sorry. What did you just say?”

“I said,” she began, fighting back the tears that were welling up in her eyes, “We’re over. I can’t do this anymore.”

His mouth shut, his face void of any further emotion. “Oh. Well, I think you can. You just don’t want to.”

“What I want is for you to leave,” said Y/N. “I want to go to bed.”

He spared her one last glance before yanking his satchel off the chair and slamming her door shut.

She wasn’t sure what she expected from Draco. Maybe a bouquet of flowers, an elaborate apology, or a knock at her door at 3am to reveal a sobbing and heartbroken version of her now ex-boyfriend. What she wasn’t expecting was nothing except for the sight of Draco and Astoria together everywhere. He didn’t give her a second glance, just flouncing past her.

That was all before Astoria met half-Veela Beauxbatons transfer Hugo and left him in the dust. There was a sort of morbid pleasure in seeing Draco sit at the breakfast table alone, glowering over his toast.

“Y/N,” said a familiar voice behind her.

“Oh, hi, Harry,” said Y/N, turning around on the bench to see him. Harry looked somewhat concerned, his messy brown hair looking more ruffled than usual.

“Can I sit?”

“Yeah, yeah sure.” Y/N couldn’t help but feel the pang of guilt at seeing one of her oldest friends sit next to her for the first time in almost a year. After she began to date Draco, she tried her best to avoid Harry to keep Draco from getting upset. She wasn’t quite sure how to even begin apologizing for what had happened.

“I heard about you and Draco,” began Harry, picking a crumpet off of her plate and buttering it. The familiar, friendly motion almost brought tears to her eyes. “I want to say I’m sorry. I know we haven’t been the closest lately, but I noticed you become a lot more reserved while you were with him. I don’t know the extent of which he caused that, but I hope you’re feeling better now.”

To her horror, a sob began to climb in her throat. Without knowing what else to do, she launched herself forward, throwing his arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry, Harry,” she mumbled into his shoulder. “I’m sorry for cutting you off. Draco—”

“I assumed he had something to do with it,” said Harry, patting her back awkwardly. “It’s really okay. You’re here now, yeah? Let’s start over. Friends again?”

“Let’s.” She sat back up, wiped her eyes, and managed a watery smile. “I missed you, Harry. You’ve always been my best friend. I’m sorry I haven’t been yours lately.”

“For our debut back into society, do you want me to hex Malfoy’s balls off or something?” asked Harry casually, spreading jam onto her crumpet.

“Harry…”

“Now that I’m into the healer program, he can pay me to fix them in a couple of years,” he said.

“Did I tell you?” She grinned at him. The sick, homesick curdling in her stomach had vanished. “I think I want to apply to the healer program, too.”

Harry’s smile got even wider. “No way. You’d be great at that, Y/N. Snape likes you, too. You’ll definitely get in.”

Harry had been right. A month after she had ended things with Draco, her acceptance letter had come. It was all her friends could talk about. News apparently had gotten around to her Slytherin friends, too, as that night she heard a knock at her door.

“Come in,” she said.

Draco stepped in, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Draco. Can I help you?’ She thought that when she saw him again, she’d feel regret. Looking at him now, though, she felt nothing.

He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to say congratulations on your acceptance to the healer program. I knew you could do it. I’ve always believed in you, you know.”

She watched, her lips pressed into a thin line. “Thanks.”

“Also, I wanted to give you this.” Draco set a box down onto the desk. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, love, and I’ve realized that what I did wasn’t right. I didn’t listen to you and I regret that every day. You’re amazing. You’ve always been too good for me, which is why I feel so unworthy asking this of you.”

“Asking what?”

“I want to get back together,” he said, crossing the expanse of her room in a few steps and clasping her hands. “I can’t imagine being with anyone else. You’re the one for me, and I know that you feel the same way.”

She pulled away from him. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Because our relationship wasn’t healthy, Draco. You weren’t good to me.”

“I…” He ran his fingers through his hair. He was stressed. He hadn’t prepared this far, Y/N noted. “I know, love. And I’m sorry about that. But when things were good they were great, weren’t they? Remember how great things were for the first few months? We could have that again.”

“You hurt me, Draco. That’s a risk I’m not willing to take again.”

“But think of how amazing we were together,” he said. “And we have a chance to do that again. But only if you give me another chance. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Y/N stared at him for a few moments. “I think the trajectory of our relationship was concerning. It was controlling, unhealthy, and borderline abusive. I would have to be mad to put myself through that again.”

“But I want to change for you. You know me, love. You know I’m a good person. I want to be better for you. I’m capable of it. I’ll cut Astoria off. I won’t ever speak to her again.”

“I don’t think you’re a good person,” said Y/N, her voice cracking. “I didn’t realize that until after I ended things, but you’re not. If you really were one, you wouldn’t need me to end things before you had the magical ability to defy your parents’ wishes and cut off Astoria. No, if you had loved me independently of what I offered you, you wouldn’t have been so peeved by the parts of me that weren’t of your choosing. A good person wouldn’t treat me like that. You did.”

He scoffed. “Is that seriously how you see me?”

“Yes. Unlike you, I don’t lie.”

Draco straightened before grabbing the jewelry box off of her desk. “Forget it. I don’t know why I bothered. You were always a rebound. You know that, right?”

“I’m sorry for you,” she said suddenly.

“I’m sorry for you,” he fired back. “Imagine how pathetic it is to be someone’s rebound.”

“No, that’s not why I’m sorry.” She met his eyes. “Draco, the 6 months I spent with you were the most unhappy months of my life. You sucked the life out of me. But I got to leave. I only had to waste 6 months of my life dealing with your fuckery and your inability to genuinely love other people. But you? You’re stuck with it. You have to live with that for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I’m sorry. It must be sad to be you.”

He slammed her door.

Time passed quickly. Her short relationship with Draco drifted into the past. By graduation, she was so focused on planning for the healer program that he hardly ever crossed her mind. But that summer, when the annotated book that he’d written her was left on her bed, halfway finished as she’d left it in January, a sort of bittersweet anger washed over her. She opened it up to the very last page to see a long letter he’d written her that she’d never read, depicting how much he’d adored her and how much he’d loved her.

She sat on her bed, the annotated book pressed into her chest as she stared up at the ceiling. Did he ever even mean those words? Were they just hollow? Was she ever more than just a rebound fuck?

But beyond all of that anger she felt for him, there was always an underlying sense of love. It didn’t matter how he felt. What mattered was that she had truly loved him.

Her fireplace roared to life as it was charmed to at 10 every evening, making her jump. After one last glance at the novel in her hands, she tossed it into the flame.

She remained awake, watching until every page was reduced to ash. Then she slept.

final a/n: ooh! i almost forgot to mention. shoutout to my ex gf, the only woman i would ever consider calling a c*nt. i wish i’d had the chance to! this one goes out to u girl, thank u for being my muse <3

#draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #draco x you #draco malfoy x you #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x y/n #draco x oc #draco malfoy x oc

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meltwonu · 3 years

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| 𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔩 𝔦 𝔪𝔢𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 | [Chapter 1]

pairing; fratboy!wonwoo x reader

this chapter’s notes; fratboy!wonwoo, dom!wonwoo, dirty talk, masturbation, sex toys, mentions of sexting/sending photos/videos, baby this has hella plot lmao dkhf 🥴💕 WELCOME TO UNTIL I MET YOU!! THE MINI-SEQUEL TO CAFFEINE! A bit of a shorter chapter but I didn’t want to overload with too much everything in the first chapter, ykwim? 😎 Thank you so much for your patience with this sequel, I know there were a ton of people asking for a sequel for months after I said I would 💕😭😭 As always, inbox roundup tomorrow! And don’t forget, next chapter for UIMY goes up on Feb 26th! T|H ch 1 next Friday! 🥰💕 Enjoy ch 1, have a great weekend and I love you! 💕

chapters; 1 - x - x - x - x

“Mmh… Wonwoo…”

His hands roam all over your naked body; warmth spreading all over when he digs his blunt fingernails into the skin of your waist.

“Feels good, doesn’t it? Did you miss me, sweetheart?” His voice is soft, gentle, yet teasing; barely above a whisper as your back bows off of the bed to lean into his simple touches. “I missed you, sweetheart. Missed your ‘lil cunt too.”

A choked sob falls from your lips, followed quickly by rushed, hurried cries for Wonwoo to move faster.

“Don’t you want me to take my time? We haven’t seen each other in months.”

There’s a smirk on his lips, eyes twinkling with mischief when you reply back with a shaky whine. “Don’t you want me to slide my cock into your pretty ‘lil pussy nice ‘n slow? Let you feel every inch of me filling you up, just like it’s the first time all over again.” He stares at you dreamily; fixated on the way your body chases his hands when he drags them down to your thighs. “Or would you prefer it if I fucked you hard and fast? Your cute body squirming and trembling from how good I give it to you and my cock slamming into your tight ‘lil cunt.”

Wonwoo’s fingertips spread your folds as he licks his lips; appreciating how wet you already were for him.

“Bet your toys don’t feel as good as the real thing, huh?”

You shake your head ‘no’ furiously, “N-no, god, no! Wonwoo, p-please!” The male grins down at you, pouting mockingly at your desperate, pleading eyes.

The wetness between your legs is unbearable and the sobs are caught in your throat when Wonwoo leans over you, lips ghosting across your own.

“Okay. Just say--”

You’re shocked awake by your alarm clock; chest heaving in deep breaths as you sit up in your crumpled sheets. “Oh, fuck...” Groaning, your clammy palms reach for the ringing device as you shut it off and sigh.

The clock reads 10:02AM; tired eyes trying to blink away the sleep that threatens to take you back to the dreamland you much preferred. Although, dreaming about Wonwoo was becoming a little bit too common these last few days.

Sighing once more, you move to get out of bed; already finding your panties soaking wet and sticking to you like a second skin when you stand.

“Ugh... Damn it.”

You press the vibrator harder onto your clit; teeth chattering with the pleasure that pours over your body.

“Oh, god, please, p-please…”

Images of Wonwoo dance behind your eyelids; sultry smirks and teasing glances bringing you closer and closer to the edge of an orgasm.

If there was anything that the last few months without Wonwoo taught you, it was that you couldn’t afford to lose him - in more ways than one. And despite his lack of calls or even text messages, you held out in hopes he still felt the same way that you did despite the distance.

You sent him pictures and videos of yourself often; teasing images half naked, toys in hand, and videos crying out his name while you came. And while he took the time to reply to those with praise and adoration, he almost never sent anything back.

When he did, it was always short, clipped replies of how exhausted he was and how he didn’t have much time.

“Ngh, h-harder…” Your toes curl against the bedsheet; phantom feelings of his cock fucking you hard and deep making you cry out in desperation to be filled by his cock.

Your phone rings on the nightstand next to you as you cum - vibrator pressed so hard against your clit that your back bows off of the sheets while your thighs shake uncontrollably.

And for the first time in a long time, it’s an orgasm that feels like it’s worth something.

‘Gyu: hey did wonwoo text u?

‘Gyu: he’s back next monday he said

‘Gyu: idk abt classes tho, might be out of commission for a while bc jetlag

‘Gyu: thinking abt throwing him a party on friday after he comes back...

‘Gyu: u wanna plan with us orrrrr? U got a private party or sth 🥴😏

‘Gyu: lmk

You’re nervous. Shy, even.

After you’d come down from your orgasm and checked your phone, your mind momentarily went blank from shock and the first thing you’d done was text Wonwoo to ask if he was really coming back that soon.

‘Ah, yeah, I was just about to text you. Prof said we can go home early if we wanted since we finished up classes. I’ll see you sometime next week? Jetlag and stuff.’, was all he had said and in your excited state, the only thing you had responded with was an, ‘Okay, great!’, without asking when, where, or what time.

You figured you’d give him some time to readjust instead of bombarding him as soon as he got in. But each second that you knew Wonwoo was home, you found yourself itching to just be in his presence.

You just had to be a little more patient.

Wednesday morning comes and you find yourself skipping your morning class to go to the library.

For studying, you tell yourself.

The male at the receptionist table shoots you a small smile to which you awkwardly smile back before ducking into an empty aisle. All you knew was that it seemed like Wonwoo wasn’t here.

Maybe he’s still at the frat house, you wonder.

Sighing slightly under your breath, you decide that maybe getting some work done would actually help distract you from looking for the male.

You find an empty table, setting your things down before pulling out your phone.

In all honesty, you weren’t even sure why you were being so shy and nervous about contacting Wonwoo, especially when you so unabashedly sent him nudes every few days when he was away.

Although, with how things had been before he left and the prospect of actually dating once he came back from his semester abroad - the butterflies in your stomach had been nonstop with the different scenarios that played out in your head. You’d even gone so far as to plan what happened if Wonwoo had decided he didn’t want to make an attempt at dating you.

“Sweetheart?”

The grip you have on your phone only tightens as you whip your head around to find Wonwoo standing behind your chair and you swear your heart stops beating the same time your breath gets caught in your throat. “H-huh?”

He smiles gently down at you and you can’t help but wonder how long you were spaced out to not notice him there.

“Is this a dream too?” You wonder aloud - Wonwoo chuckling in response as he moves to collect your things for you.

“Have you been dreaming about me that much, sweetheart?” You stutter and stumble over your words; embarrassment eating at you every second that Wonwoo has a knowing smile plastered on his lips.

“C’mon, let’s go get something to eat since we both know you’re not really here to study.”

The version of Wonwoo that sits across the cafe table is… different.

Not bad, just different.

His arms are much tanner and definitely more muscular and the glasses missing from his face lets you appreciate his eyes even more when they’re not hidden behind the thick frames. He had even opted to wear a sleeveless shirt; something that you weren’t used to when he usually was around campus in long sleeves and sweater vests.

Although, you can’t and won’t deny the way your body reacts to this Wonwoo.

“Hey, I’m talking to you and you’re just spacing out.” Muttering, he leans over the small cafe table until his face is only inches away from yours and the smirk on his lips already lets you know that you’ve been caught staring.

“Listen, I know I’ve been gone for three months but you’re lookin’ at me like you haven’t had a fix in all that time.” Your lips press into an embarrassed firm line, avoiding his stare as he raises a brow at you.

“Wait, you didn’t fuck anyone in the three months I was gone?”

“No… did you?” Your voice is barely above a whisper; a little afraid that his answer will be ‘yes’ when he takes a second longer to respond.

“Nah,” He settles back into his seat, “I told you, didn’t I? I was willing to try the whole… dating, relationship thing with you when I got back. Although, I’m somewhat surprised one of the others didn’t try to seduce you while I was gone.”

You laugh slightly, cheeks warm as Wonwoo teases. “I wouldn’t have given them the time of day anyway.”

Your entire body burns hot, palms clammy in your lap from how giddy you were to be with Wonwoo and it made your heart do backflips knowing that he’d still been willing to try with you.

“Ah, how was it abroad anyway? You… didn’t really say much over the past few months so I feel like I don’t know how you were. Just some messages about how tired you were...” He takes a sip of his coffee; unintentionally making you internally scream when his lips form a pout while he thinks.

“Honestly? Other than the days we were excavating ‘n stuff, it was pretty boring. Really hectic though, and a lot of documenting which meant a lot of paperwork. I swear, I closed my eyes and I saw the inside of my textbooks.” He chuckles lightly, eyes focused on the cup of coffee in front of him.

“I just want to say sorry for my lack of communication. I really didn’t expect to be so busy that I couldn’t even pick up a call.” There’s a genuine apologetic look on Wonwoo’s face when he looks back at you. “And the time difference was really rough too. I didn’t want to take it out on you over the phone if I was stressed about not sleeping or the workload. I know we can get a little rough when we ‘play’ but this wasn’t that and it wouldn’t have been fair.”

Oh.

“T-that’s okay, I understand!” Your heart does somersaults in your chest, “I--thank you for thinking about me too.”

The feelings you have bubbling up inside of you make you feel like you’re falling in love for the first time, all over again. “Um… Sorry I sent so many pictures ‘n stuff.”

Wonwoo laughs, this time throwing his head back slightly before he tries to hide his wide grin. “Oh, sweetheart. Don’t apologize.” Your eyes meet his and for a split second, you see the familiar dominating look in his eyes before he leans over the small cafe table again.

“I might’ve not had all the time to entertain you those times but I thought about you alllll the time. I missed everything about you.” His voice is barely above a whisper - careful to not let anyone else in the cafe hear the topic of conversation. “Which, by the way…You piqued my interest earlier with your question. You never really answered my question about having dreams about me.”

You shift in your seat as you avert your eyes from his; eyes flitting down his toned body instead as you mentally curse yourself.

“I… kinda? I m-mean… not normally but just--just these last few days. It’s almost been every night… I wake up and--and it’s just… I’m...” You trail off; somewhat shy to say the rest of what you were going to say even though you’re almost certain Wonwoo already knows.

“Odd. Me too. I kept dreaming about you, which is, honestly, kind of why I thought to come back earlier.”

“Oh?”

“Mm, we still had 2 weeks left, technically. A bit of a spillover since my professor wanted us to explore the city once finals were over. But I just wanted to come home.” He finishes with a chuckle - a soft look in his eyes.

You pout back at him, “You didn’t come home early just for ‘lil ‘ol me, did you?” You say it jokingly, but deep down you do wonder.

“Would that be so bad?” Grinning, Wonwoo sets a couple of bills down onto the table to cover the meals you both barely have touched.

“Like I said, I missed everything about you, sweetheart.”

Wonwoo walks you back to your place afterwards; laughing and joking with you as if he hadn’t been gone for the last 3 months.

There’s a certain playfulness about him that makes your heart bloom and part of you wonders if he’s opening up to you more now that there’d been some time apart.

“Are you gonna be working at the library again? Or is that done forever now?” “Mm.. I mean, it’d be kind of weird if I stopped, don’t you think?”

The grin of his face is telling and you have to mentally stop yourself from letting your mind wander in the middle of the sidewalk. “Y-yeah... Studying in my apartment isn’t really the same, y’know…”

Laughing, Wonwoo takes the opportunity to swing an arm around your shoulder as he tucks you under his arm. “I was actually at the library earlier to ask about my position back. I start tomorrow.” Goosebumps rise on your skin and the close proximity is enough to make you whimper.

“I’m only taking two classes this semester to give myself a bit of a break so I’ll be in the library more often to fill up the time. You can always call me if you need to know where I am. I promise I’ll respond this time, sweetheart.”

Before you know it, the two of you are already standing outside of your complex as Wonwoo takes his arm off of you.

“Will I be seeing you tomorrow?” There’s a hopeful lilt to his voice that has you nodding feverishly in return.

“I have a morning class but I’ll come by in the afternoon? I can text you to let you know, just in case.” You offer back.

Wonwoo licks his lips, tilting his head before leaning down and kissing you on the forehead.

The soft gesture momentarily throws you off as you freeze but the smoldering look in Wonwoo’s eyes when he pulls away lets you know that he’s already scheming.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, sweetheart.”

#fratboy!wonwoo #wonwoo smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt scenarios #wonwoo #wonwoo fic #jeon wonwoo #uimy_meltwonu #svt fic

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jesswritesthat · 3 years

Note

omg hi i know this request sounds a bit hefty but hear me out: you’ve got y/n, and you’ve got her twin. they’re both exchange students but their school somehow messed up the application or there wasn’t enough space in one school whatever, so one of them ends up in nekoma and the other in shiratorizawa. then, they each decide to be the managers of that school’s respective teams. and then when training camp comes up, they finally meet each other again and are happy to be together but the rest of the teams are SHOOK (including their own maybe 👀👀) bc they didn’t tell their teams they had a twin. bonus points, inarizaki is there and the miya twins try to flirt w them (ships are up to you bc tbh anything sounds fun asf, idk i’ve had this idea in my head for so long IM AN ONLY CHILD I DONT EVEN HAVE A TWIN FKDKSKSKS) idk if you wanna just do headcannons go for it babes it’s a lot i know lmaooo

This is genius!! Omg, I’m not a twin either but I’m VIBING with this idea — I did headcanons because there was so muuchhh. I hope you like 💕

(T/n) = twins (first) name

>>>>—————————>

(L/n) Twins going to seperate schools and reuniting during a Shiratorizawa vs Nekoma practice match and Nationals:

• Due to unfortunate circumstances, (L/n) (T/n) had gotten into Shiratorizawa however, her twin sister (L/n) (Y/n) had to attend another school - luckily Nekoma had last minute vacancies.

• You stayed in Tokyo whilst your twin lived in the Shiratorizawa Dorms, it made seeing each other tricky but you always had video chats and since you were identical, it was easy to sneak into the dorms and stay for the weekend.

• You both loved Volleyball and had looked into your respective teams, (T/n) having the more famous one begrudgingly but being siblings... things got competitive.

“I’m going to become the manager of Shiratorizawa and I’m gonna take them to Nationals~” Was your twins cheery statement, whilst you playfully taunted her.

“Hah, more like they’ll take you, if I join Nekoma I’ll actually be useful.”

“No way - I’m a better manager than you (Y/n)!”

“Oh yeah?! Bring it on (T/n)! I’ll see you at Nationals - if you make it!” Thus, the challenge had begun.

• Nekoma and yourself had bonded, you’d heard the same about (T/n) and Shiratorizawa, it was like fate had gifted you your perfect matches in the end. Even if it meant being separated.

• It was around your second year with them that you’d heard about Karasuno, the once- upon-a-time rivals of Nekoma and how they’d organised a practice game with them over in Miyagi.

• You’d be playing other teams in the district to make it more beneficial... which is where your scheming came in.

“Hey, Tetsurō Senpai...”

“What do you want, you’re only ever so cute when you want something from me.”

“That’s not true! (Y/n)-chan is cute all of the time!” Yamamoto playfully punched his Captains shoulder, the latter reluctantly agreeing with a flush before clearing his throat and gesturing for you to continue.

“Think we could play Shiratorizawa whilst we’re over in Miyagi?”

“I’ll talk to Coach Nekomata and see what I can do, no promises though (Y/n).” Kuroo would do his best, you knew he tried for those he cared about, especially his team.

• It was no surprise then, that within 3 days you’d received a call from your twin.

“You’re coming to challenge me and my team (Y/n)?” The excitement in her voice, as well as that in yours was clear.

“You can thank Kuroo for that — you’ll finally get to meet my team!”

“And you mine! Tendō and Ushijima are incredible, I love them.” You’d spoken of respective players, shared stories and felt like you already knew part of each other’s teams despite never meeting them.

“Yes! I can’t wait - Lev isn’t coming with us, but Kenma and Yaku more than make up for it!”

“Lev is that first year you told me about right? I hope you’re ready to lose (Y/n), Goshiki is talented as hell.”

“And Nekoma is a unified machine, you’ll need a tissue to wipe away your loser tears~”

—

• Fast forward to the training trip, and the second you walk into Shiratorizawa you and your twin immediately rush over to each other, a collision of hugs, screams and excited conversation exchanged amidst the suddenly silent room.

• Tendō is the one to separate you both, guiding you to stand side by side as he leans in to inspect you both with a finger on his chin.

“Well well well, seems our Chibi-chan has a Chibi-chan 2.0~”

Ushijima doesn’t seem all that phased by the phenomenon, meanwhile Shirabu had to restrain the awed interrogation of Goshiki.

• Nekoma weren’t quite as calm, immediately Tendō hopped out of the way as Yamamoto tackled you, gawking between you and (T/n) whilst Inuoka attempted to null his yells.

“(Y/n)?! THERES TWO OF YOU?! DOUBLE THE BEAUTY!”

“Aw he’s cute, my team are never so nice to me.” (T/n) tutted, a subtle glare sent to Shiratorizawa - Satori being the one to stick his tongue out.

“Trust me, Yamamoto is the only one.” Cue your mirroring glare sent to a scheming Kuroo, whilst Nekomas Ace is still gushing over the two of you.

• The teams are moderately amused once the game starts as the main smack-talkers are you and (T/n) hollering over the court as you’d reached the Third Set at a tie. Friendships between both teams were formed due to your family relations.

• It’s not until the game is over and the Captains shake hands whilst you two hug it out with congratulatory words and playful insults that they start messing around again.

“C’mon (Y/n), we’ve gotta go~” Kuroo smugly states, purposefully slinging an arm around (T/n)s’ shoulders and guiding her out.

Before you had the chance to retaliate, Tendō gladly joined in.

“The Cat Captain is right, I’ve missed my little kitten anyway~” The redhead cheerfully gave you a high ten, intertwining your fingers in the process adding intimacy and offered a mischievous wink which you only laugh at.

• Nekoma are freaking out, that’s their manager and they’d know if you had a boyfriend, right? Yaku and Kai are quick to hold back Yamamoto with Kuroo suddenly sweeping you away from Satori since Ushijima had already reclaimed (T/n).

“That’s our kitten- ah manager.”

“And (T/n) is ours, but I look forward to seeing you at Nationals Nekoma.” The Captains bid one another farewell and you can only hope to play your twins’ team again.

—

• Shiratorizawa didn’t make it to Nationals (since Karasuno beat them) but (T/n) wanted to come and support you (bitterly). Ushijima came with her too since he’s the Captain and wanted to keep you two out of trouble. Plus he loves Volleyball.

• It’s when you’re checking the matchups do you encounter your beloved rivals, whilst Nekoma were distracted you went to scope out the area. ‘Luckily’ for you, you bumped into other competitors, the blonde ‘accidentally’ tripping.

“Woah, are you okay-“ Before you could finish, he’d interrupted all suave.

“Yeah, I just fell for ya that’s all~“

“-send me a postcard next time~”

There was a moment of silence, you impressed by the smoothness and him awed by the sheer sarcasm.

• The boy introduced himself as Miya Atsumu, Inaruzakis Setter and took note of your Nekoma jacket, asking you to watch him play if you got the chance. Especially if you become opponents.

• Bidding farewell, you found (T/n) with a bright smile upon her face, Onigiri in hand.

“The games haven’t even started and you’re eating.” Was your bemused observation, your twin scoffing with an innocent pout.

“I was hungry, and this cute player from Inarizki recommended the teriyaki Onigiri here so I brought some, wanna try?” (T/n) justified, showing the item to you.

“I met an Inarizaki player too, and I’m too nervous to eat but thanks (T/n).”

“Suit yourself, good luck and I’ll look for you later.” She rejoined Ushijima, the pair waving as you met up with Nekoma.

• It isn’t until after the first round beating Kiyokawa High School, before the Karasuno vs Inarizaki game that you’d encounter the Miyas again — or rather Atsumu approached (T/n).

“Yer scoping out the competition huh gorgeous? I don’t blame ya (L/n), ‘Samu and I are the best of the best.” The blonde proudly told (T/n), thinking you’d shed your Nekoma jacket to be inconspicuous.

“I— I don’t even know you? Wait, how do you know my name?!”

• Osamu meets the pair, and actually thinks it through, Atsumu on the other hand jumps to conclusions.

“We just saw eac-“ Hearing (T/n), Atsumu was quick to argue but Osamu kicked his calve.

“Shut it dumbass.”

“Hey, loser twin!” You called over, gaining the attention of her and the Miya Twins.

“Ah... ‘Samu there’s two of them...”

“That’s what I was gonna tell ya.”

• It must’ve been a twin instinct (twinstinct hehe) but yourself and Osamu could tell the individual differences/quirks immediately, hence how he’d figured it out so quickly. A mutual smile was shared as your respective twins continued their petty insults.

• “(T/n)! Ushijima is looking for you and I need to find Kuroo so...”

“Oh, yer boyfriends?”

“Uh - aha -no no, our Captains.” Your twin managed, flustered and embarrassed - you were glad she’d spoken because you were no better with the heat on your skin.

“Perfect, tell your Captains’ that we’re not sorry for keeping you~” Atsumu shouted as you both waved goodbye and headed back to the stands/courts.

• Nekoma won against Sarukawa Tech High, your next opponents currently battling it out on the court which you’d all raced to see - mainly for Karasuno.

But it was during the break after the first set that the twins approached the stands, well, you.

“(Y/n), ya won?” It was brave of Osamu to address you so casually but you didn’t mind.

“Of course, my team, my friends, are truly amazing. Our next opponent is either Karasuno or you.”

“You’ll be facing me- us- Inarizaki! Don’t you worry sweetheart.” It seemed whatever suaveness Atsumu once had was long gone by now.

• They played incredibly, but the entirety of Nekoma were glad of Karasunos’ victory, you’d taken a second to see the twins though.

“You were amazing, I’m grateful I got to see you both play. Looks like you won’t be facing me after all, sweetheart~”

“Yeah well- I— jus’ watch yer back next year beautiful. I’m comin’ for ya.”

“OHO! NOT ON MY WATCH PRETTY BOYS!”

“Yamamoto! Apologies for him.” Yaku forced the Mohawk to bow, Kuroo slipping an arm around your waist with a smirk. “But he’s not wrong.”

—

• You were staying with (T/n) for the weekend, utilising Shiratorizawas practice break to tell the tale of the Miyas and their flirting. The team were oddly protective over the both of you, but you hadn’t the time to question it with Goshikis inquiry.

“Okay, so if you two had children with the Miya twins respectively... would your children be identical?”

“...”

“We won’t have to find out.” If anyone else had said it you wouldn’t have believed them, but something about the certainty of Wakatoshi made you both smile.

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu headcanons #anime x reader #anime headcanons #shiratorizawa #nekoma

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imagines-r-s · 3 years

Text

sticking it

chapter 9

a/n: idk why this chapter took so long, but here it is. for reference - in gymnastics, US Championships are the last meet before Olympic Trials, they’re a two day competition. any feedback is welcome. i’m kinda upset that this series (or at least this part) is almost done, but there is more to come with this series i promise. also had to repost bc it wasn’t showing up in the tags

taglist: @butgilinsky @barbienoturbby @sunsetholland @lovenhlboys @sortagaysortahigh @hockey-racing-fubol @oopsiedoopsie23 @iwantahockeyhimbo @dreamsndior @itsurgirlgracie @heartshapedkissxs @lwstuff @handwrittenheroes

warnings: uh, i don’t think there’s anything, but if i miss something just let me know (the jamie mentioned is jamie oleksiak, not j b*nn)

sticking it masterlist

wc: 5.8

(not my gif)

“Are you sure that you have everything?” Joel asked for the twentieth time in the past hour, “we can run back to yours if you need anything else”

“I feel like you’re just trying to get me to stay with you longer,” you said, skeptically.

“Is it working?”

“No, Bee, I have to leave at some point,” you said, putting another bag of yours in his car,”I won’t be gone long.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be closer to the Stars and that has me worried,” he said, causing you to chuckle.

“You worried about Seggy? Or Roope? Or Big Rig? Or Mi-”

“Okay, I get it.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, I love you and only you, shawty. Besides, I can only tolerate Texas weather for so long,” you said, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

“I love you, too, shawty,” he paused,”Wait,- that was rude.”

After packing the last of your bags into the car, you made your way to the airport to meet Marcus and Michelle. Once you arrived at the airport, Joel parked the car before the two of you headed into the airport. The four of you caught up for a while before Marcus suggested giving you and Joel time to say goodbye.

“Is this how it feels when me and the guys leave for the road?” Joel asked, softly.

“Yeah,” you said, smiling sadly.

“Well, good thing I’m the one on the road all the time, I mean, I don’t like leaving you, but when I’m leaving it’s a different feeling, you know.”

“Well glad it makes you happy, buddy.”

“Did you just buddy me?” Joel asked, incredulously.

“Did I?” you asked, laughing as Joel gasped in shock.

“Wow, I see how it is. I’ll remember that.”

“Go ahead, babe. Remember it however you want,” you paused when you saw the sad look on his face, reaching to hold his face in your hands, “hey, I’m only a text away, I might not be right here, but I will answer as soon as I can and we’ll facetime as much as you want these next few days.”

Joel nodded before looking up and seeing Marcus and Michelle headed your way, “we hate to cut this short, but we have to get going pretty soon.”

“I know I asked, but do you really have to go?”

“Yeah, Bee, I really have to go.”

“You better kick ass out there or else you’re just leaving for nothing,” he said, jokingly, “but honestly, I wish you the best of luck - I know you don’t need it, but I’ll say it anyway. Make sure to tell Nicole I said good luck and please make sure to wipe that smug look off Kathryn's face. Okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you said, wrapping your arms around him as he pressed kiss to the top of your head. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, but if you don’t go, the only thing you’ll be missing is your flight.”

“Wow, Bee, you are so funny.”

“Well, one of us has to be the funny one in the relationship. Your mom jokes only get you so far far in life, babe,” he said, causing you to elbow him in the stomach.

“I’m leaving now. I love you and I will text you when I land,” you leaned up for a quick goodbye kiss before grabbing your carry-on bag and heading to your gate. You avoided looking back, knowing that if you did, both of you wouldn’t let the other leave.

“I think you chose a good one,” Marcus said once the three of you had sat down.

“What?” you asked, shocked.

“Joel. He seems like a good guy. He clearly cares about you and I can see that you care a lot about him, too. He clearly makes you happy,” Marcus added.

Heat rushed up your face, to which you simply looked out the window, “yeah, he’s a good guy.”

“A cute one, too,” Michelle interrupted.

“Yes, that too. But Michelle, you better lay off,” the three of you laughed as the flight attendants started to announce the safety procedures for your flight. The three of you did your own thing the rest of the flight: Marcus planning out how podium training would go, Michelle analyzing your routines, and you sleeping.

“Alright, so as soon as we land, we get luggage and go to our hotel. There is a small media event tomorrow morning before podium training, then podium training, then probably some more media. You will have the rest of the night to do whatever, I know you’ll probably go see your Dallas friends and that’s fine, just make it back in time. Then, Friday is the first day of competition, Saturday is the second day, then we have some free time Sunday,” Marcus read off to you, even with you half asleep.

“Sounds lovely,” you grumbled.

…..

“So, y/n, with your injury being a top priority, how different have practices been since you are still somewhat in recovery?” one of the journalists asked. You had stayed prepared for a multitude of questions having to do with your injury, so this question had an easy response.

“I would say, it’s definitely a totally new experience. I’ve had to tailor my focus to other aspects of this sport since the start of my recovery, whether that be drills, more conditioning, or changing up my routines. My team and I definitely have figured out what things work and what doesn’t and we continue to learn as I continue training,” you answered, swiftly.

“Now obviously, you were the highest scorer in most of your competitions, even before your injury, how has competition changed for you? And what has inspired you to train harder?” another journalist asked.

“I have to say, competition is slightly more nerve-wracking than before. I mean getting injured at a major competition definitely changes perspective for all aspects of it. I feel that I have to be more cautious when performing, whereas before I would just go with the motions. Something that’s inspired me has been that my competitors have continued training, I have a fair amount of competition - all of which are excellent athletes - which has helped motivate me a lot, but I also have an amazing support system back home who have made sure to give me that extra motivation when I need it,” you smiled.

“Now, having to deal with that support system at home, who and how have they influenced your decisions of your journey through recovery?” which was the first question that made you smile.

“Well first, a huge shoutout to my family, especially my cousin, Kevin. Without his support, I wouldn’t have ever tried to get back in the gym, he’s been there this whole time and I couldn’t be more grateful. Um, my coaches were so supportive of my comeback; my physical trainor, Adrian, who told me all the doctors were wrong and gave me the reality checks I needed; the whole Philadelphia Flyers roster and their families cheered me on the whole time, especially my boyfriend, Joel Farabee. My friends, my teammates, all of them pushed me where I needed to be,” you said, gratefully.

“Thank you for your time, y/n. We wish you the best of luck this weekend,” the main announcer said to you before you went off to podium training.

Marcus and Michelle had both told you only to warm up simplified versions of your routine, so that you could bring shock factor when you were actually performing. You had upgraded almost all of your tumbling back to where it was before injury, but no one needed to know that besides you and those in your gym. Podium training had gone very well, better than you had anticipated, so you were looking forward to how championships would go.

As you packed up your gym bag and grabbed your phone, you saw all the messages you had from the Flyers group chat you had somehow found your way to.

Bee: did you guys see that too?

Tiki Bar: if we are talking about the same thing, i think we did.

Patti Lapone: did she actually say nice things about us?

Kev: i really think the texas heat is getting to her already

G: she’s probably just feeling under the weather about competition, otherwise we might want to check if she is okay

Scotty: i think i misheard or i got hit in the head and didn’t realize it

Frosty: hell has frozen over

Bee: haha. frost. frozen. get it

Tiki Bar: beezer.

G: i’ll make you do laps if you make another frost joke

Laughing at the texts in the group chat in reaction to your interview, you simply typed up a simple response: this is what i get when i’m nice, now you know why i’m not like this all the time.

Luckily for you, you didn’t have to do any media after podium training, so you were able to leave whenever you wanted to. After checking with Marcus and Michelle, you made sure it was alright that you went off to go see Tyler and the rest of the guys. Assuming that they would be at practice, after changing out of your leo, you took the drive to the Stars practice facility.

Having come to Fort Worth so much for gymnastics and Dallas for a few hockey games, you had run into some of the Stars roster on multiple occasions. By the third time you had ran into them, and this time ran into was a very literal statement, you had exchanged social medias and most of the roster kept an eye out for any updates in your gymnastics career. During your recovery, the whole team constantly asked for updates about how you were and how gymnastics was going.

Once you parked, you quietly made your way inside - not wanting to interrupt the practice. There were a few officials walking around, but most either paid you no mind or recognized you from times before you had been here. Walking towards the rink, your eyes settled on the boys doing laps for the last part of practice. It wasn’t until most of the guys were only talking and about to get off the ice that they noticed you.

Tyler was the first to notice you, smiling and waving towards you, which caused most of the team to follow where he was looking and notice you. As the team headed to the locker room to change, you simply waited on one of the benches for them.

“I feel like you only came all this way to see my dogs,” Tyler said, making his way towards you.

“No, I would never do such a thing, I obviously came here to say hi to you,” you stood up to give him a hug.

“Mhm, whatever you say. Didn’t you have podium training today? How’d it go?”

“Well, it went pretty well actually. I did a few of my dismounts, but kept most of my landings safe just to be careful. But other than that everything went well.”

“As long as you kick ass tomorrow, I’m fine,” he said, honestly, “do you have anything else to do for the rest of the day or did you just come to say hi?”

“Well, I have no plans for the rest of the day, but I don’t want to intrude on any team plans.”

“You know you would never be intruding on anything with us, even if you are dating a Flyer,” Jamie O said from behind you.

“God, Jamie, what the fuck? Where’d you come from?”

“Your mom’s house,” he said, earning a fist bump from Tyler.

“I can’t even be upset, that was a good one,” you smiled as Jamie hugged you,”and don’t bring Joel into this.”

“My condolences.”

“Condolences? No one died?” you questioned.

“You are dating someone that plays for the Flyers,” Tyler said.

“Damn, that’s harsh,” you replied.

“Anyways, moving on. Me and a few other guys were coming over to mine for lunch and to hangout, if you want to come you are welcome to,” Tyler said to which you simply nodded.

“Is that who I think it is?” another familiar voice rang out, causing you to whip your head around to see Roope and Jake heading your way.

“Well, if you thought it was me, then you would be correct, my friend,” you retaliated.

“I’m surprised they let you in here, considering you are dating a Flyer,” Otter said, jokingly.

“Quit bringing the fact that I’m dating Bee into the conversation.”

“At least Nicole is in the safe zone,” Roope said, causing your eyes to widen, “y/n. What was that?”

“What was what?” you questioned as Roope simply narrowed his eyes.

“You did the thing.”

“What are you talking about, bestie?”

“Oh, you have a habit of your face changing when you know something that will ruin the whole perspective or something or if you know a secret that will change the entire story. Very entertaining and concerning that you didn’t know,” Tyler added.

“Um, well, didn’t expect to be psychoanalyzed by a bunch of hockey players today, but here we are.”

“Ok, I think we should head to mine and then, we can continue psychoanalyzing you,” Tyler suggested to which you all agreed. Roope, who had gotten a ride from Tyler in the morning, immediately hopped into your car as soon as you unlocked it.

“What’s up with Nicole?” he asked as soon as you started driving.

“What happened to hello? How are you?” you joked.

“Listen, I’m asking now because I don’t want to talk about this with the guys there. But what did you mean?” he said, causing you to take a deep breath. It wasn’t like Roope and Nicole were ever together, but it was always an unspoken fling of sorts, that they never made official.

“Look,-”

“Please, just tell me what’s happening,” he pleaded.

“Nicole and Nolan are sort of together,” you rushed out, causing a moment of silence to break out. You didn’t know what to expect as a reaction, considering they weren’t official and hadn’t really talked since the last time you and her were in Texas.

“Is she happy?”

“Yeah, she’s happy.”

“Okay, that’s all I care about,” he said simply, which made your heart almost break for one of your closest friends.

…..

Being able to spend time with some of your close friends that you hadn’t seen in a while was just what you needed to destress about championships. Maybe an intense game of uno with five of the most competitive people was exactly what some might call a destressor, but here you were.

Tyler threw down his cards as he stood up dramatically, “no, because there is no way that a.) she already has an uno and that b.) all of you used your draw two cards against me.”

“Don’t be upset, Ty, that’s just how the game of uno is sometimes,” you replied, hiding a laugh.

“Oh, shut up. I think you guys cheated,” Tyler accused.

“I think you just don’t know how to play uno,” Jamie mumbled.

“Oh, yeah, real funny. I think you all teamed up against me and Jake dealt that way on purpose.”

“And we all think, you just can’t accept a loss in uno,” Roope added.

“Fine, let’s settle this like men,” Tyler grabbed all the cards, attempting to shuffle them before accepting he couldn’t shuffle and handing them over to you to shuffle, “I’m watching you.”

“Oh, wow, so scared,” quickly shuffling them, doing a little bit more than usual to get Tyler off your case, you handed them back to him, “there you go.”

Another final round of uno, which ended up with you and Roope head to head as far as who would win, while Tyler had ended up with at least 15 cards to which Jamie was the first to speak up, “I think we should end here before someone gets hurt.”

“No, no, we’re fine. It’s fine. y/n, take your turn,” he said, eyes narrowing as he watched from beside you. Even if it was your last card, you dropped the draw 4, which made Tyler draw more cards.

“Damn, that sucks,” you said, hiding a laugh.

“What was that, y/n?” Tyler said.

“I said, damn, that sucks,” you repeated, watching Tyler closely as he stood up quickly once again, before practically chasing you. “Tyler, it’s just uno. Stop chasing me.”

“Oh, wow, ‘damn, that sucks’” Tyler mocked.

As the other three watched, Jamie just grabbed the bowl of popcorn as they watched their friends running around chasing each other. “I see why we don’t play uno much,” Jake said.

“Yep. Exactly. But no one listened when I advised against it,” Jamie said, taking a drink of his beer.

“Tyler, watch yourself,” you said, as he stood on the opposite side of the couch. He started running one way, as you ran the other to avoid him, but he quickly sidestepped and caught up to you. Practically throwing you over his shoulder, he made his way out to the pool, “Tyler, let’s not do anything crazy here.”

“Oh, you mean like hold a draw four card until the end of the game,” Tyler said, as he tossed you into the deep end of his pool.

“Children. Literal children,” Roope said, shaking his head, going to grab you a towel.

Rising up from the water and quickly moving the hair out of your face, you swam over to where Tyler was, “hey, can you help me out?”

“Nah, I’m not falling for that one,” he stated.

“Seriously, I won’t do anything right now, I promise,” you said, as you saw him reach his arm out to which you quickly grabbed and stood out of the pool. Walking towards Roope, who had grabbed you a towel, you turned back around to see Tyler still walking near the pool. Using this to your advantage, you ran and pushed Tyler into the pool. “Sorry, bestie,” you said, running to get the towel from Roope and running back in the house.

After getting changed into one of Tyler’s extra shirts he had lying around, you were just hanging out with the guys when a familiar contact flashed on the screen to FaceTime, Jake who was right next to you immediately noticed, “ooh, better go talk to your man, y/n.”

“Shut the literal fuck up,” you called back, standing up to go the kitchen for privacy. Answering, you noticed that Joel was at Nolan and Kevin’s apartment, “were you that lonely without me, babe?”

“No, well maybe, but I’m helping them set up for the watch party tomorrow,” Joel said, taking a seat at their kitchen island, “how’d podium training go?”

“It went really well actually, I didn’t work the 3.5 just so that way I have something over their heads, you know. But other than that, it was all good. How are things at home?”

“Well, I mean no one is dead, which is always good. Um, debated getting a dog, my mom called, I told her about you. Uh, already told you about the watch party. I don’t think anything else interesting happened,” he said, shrugging as if he hadn’t just mentioned bringing you up to his mom.

“Wait, you told your mom about me?”

“Well, she does follow me on Instagram, so after seeing the post she texted me asking and then she asked while we were on the phone. She wished you good luck, by the way. She’s also visiting here with my dad in a few weeks and I’d really love it if you would meet them,” he said, shyly.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, of course,” you rushed out, hoping you didn’t sound as nervous as you were.

“That sounded very unsure.”

“No, it’s fine. I just have never been at the spot in a relationship where I meet the parents, I’m just nervous. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Babe, my mom already loves you, she was getting on my case about not telling her, but she already thinks very highly of you and I definitely hyped you up a little bit. You have nothing to worry about,” he reassured you, which made you smile.

“Hey, y/n/n,” Kevin yelled.

“Hey, Kev.”

“You were very nice in your interview today, it had all of us worried,” Kevin said, which caused you to roll your eyes in response.

“Hey, I can be nice sometimes.”

“On very rare occasions, yes,” Joel added.

“Whatever.” As you talked a little while longer with the guys, eventually Roope and Tyler had come in to say hi to everyone as well, which had you dying laughing as both of them gave the ‘you hurt her, we fly to Philly and hurt you’ talk that almost everyone had given him.

Telling Joel you would call him back whenever you made it back to your hotel, you stayed with the guys for another couple of hours before heading back to your hotel. Nicole had spent most of the day after podium training resting and had met you in the hotel lobby when you got back.

“So,- “ she didn’t even have to finish her sentence before you knew what she was saying.

“Roope is doing good, he said he hopes things are going well,” you said, watching as a small smile crept up her face.

“Well, good to know. Did you know KD is also staying at this hotel?”

“Well, considering this is the host hotel and most competitors are here, I am not all that shocked.”

“Yeah, but you probably didn’t know she’s legit a few rooms away from us, did ya?”

“No, guess not,” you said, “how’d you find that one out?”

“Well, let me set the scene for you. I go to get ice and then I hear her talking with, uh, whatever her name is, Callie or Carly, it starts with a C. Anyways, they were talking about you and me and how our skills have been less than recently and all this stuff about you not catching up to where you were - which I found so fucking funny because who has won gold at the past few meets? Not her. Anyways, all is fair in the sport of gymnastics, but I’m just excited to see her reaction to you doing the 3.5.”

“Damn, no pressure there, Nic.”

“Okay, but the thing is, you have the skill,” Nicole said, as you got into the elevator. “You have it down. It’s all up here, in your cranium,” she said, pointing to your head.

“Alright, let’s just go to bed now,” you said, slowly removing her hand and opening the door to your hotel room.

…..

“Hello everyone and welcome to Day One of the 2021 US Gymnastics Championships. We are very excited to see how today’s competition goes as this competition will decide who makes it onto the National Team and who will qualify for Olympic Trials,” Joel heard the announcer say as he made his way to sit with everyone in the living room.

“Did you talk to her this morning?” Claude asked from beside him.

“Yeah, usual pre-comp anxieties. Nolan talked to her and Nicole to give the usual pep talk and then we talked for a while on their way to the arena,” Joel answered, looking back to the TV to see you prepping for bars, “she said podium training went well, but Kathryn was talking shit, so all I know is she better kick her ass.”

“You know she will, it happens everytime. She gets in her head and still does amazing, just a casual Tuesday,” Scott added.

“It’s not Tuesday?” Travis questioned.

“Yes, I know,” Scott said, confusing everyone.

“Alright, moving on,” Joel reiterated.

“And starting on bars, we have y/n y/l/n. Now if you remember, less than a year ago, y/n was injured at another competition doing a beam dismount that she might be competing in today’s competition. She is definitely one to watch as she has a reputation of scoring high in these meets, before and after her return. Her teammate, Nicole Carter, will be following up.”

Joel watched as you stepped away from the chalk box to start your routine, he watched intently as you jumped from the springboard to reach the high bar. He watched intently as you went through your routine. Release skills. Giants. Pirouettes. More release skills. More giants. Dismount. Stuck landing.

“A great start to Day 1 for y/n, who seems pretty proud of how that routine went,” the announcer said, “rotation two will be beam, where we might see that 3.5 twist, which is currently in the process of being named by Kathryn Davis, who was the first to compete it at a major competition. Now the question everyone is wondering is will we see this skill from y/n today?”

“She’s doing it. Fucking dumbass,” Joel grumbled at the announcer.

“Damn, Beezer, tell them how you really feel,” Travis replied, as everyone else laughed at Joel’s behavior before watching Nicole compete. Nicole’s routine ended with a stuck landing, the camera following her as she made her way off the platform and hugged you before the two of you did your secret handshake.

Knowing the next event was beam, Joel waited as other competitors did their routines as you were warming up. He knew this moment would make or break how the rest of the meet went and with this only being your second event, it needed to go well.

Everyone watched anxiously as you saluted the judges, shaking your hands out before you reached to mount the beam. You took a deep breath before actually starting your routine. Starting the beginning choreography, you kept your movements sharp and clean. All the skills in your routine were sharp - doing this so if the dismount didn’t go well, it hopefully wouldn’t affect your score too much.

Joel had memorized your routines, knowing you were approaching your dismount, he saw your movements become slightly hesitant. Watching as you did a quick pivot on the beam to prep for the dismount, he watched you take a deep breath.

“C’mon, babe. You got it,” he said, and by whatever power was listening he watched your lips twitch up to a smile as you started your dismount. Going for the round-off and starting the twists, you did the three and a half twists, opening up to find your landing, and stuck your dismount. Joel’s smile grew even more when he saw how happy you were with your routine.

The rest of Day 1 of Championships went well for both you and Nicole; the two of you ending in the first and place spot in all around, with Kathryn following close behind. After the competition, both of you had your media conferences before you made your way back to the hotel. As both of you checked your phone, you saw the multiple notifications from various social medias.

“Dude, did you see what Ryanne posted?” Nicole asked, a look on her face that you couldn’t easily recognize.

“No, hold on,” you opened Instagram to see she had tagged you in multiple posts on her instagram story: starting off with a picture of all the guys wearing a jersey with your and Nicole’s name on it, a picture of all the guys watching warms ups intently, a video of Joel and Travis debating the name of a skill from Nicole’s routine (Travis was right), a video of Joel watching you do your beam routine and cheering you on right as you go for your dismount, and then a video of everyone cheering as you and Nicole as they announced the end of day 1.

…..

After falling asleep with Joel on FaceTime, you woke up to your 6am alarm to get ready for Day 2 of championship, Joel - who had told you he would wake up with you - was still sound asleep. Getting you and Nicole an apple from the lobby, you talked to a few of your competitors and a few fans before heading back to yours and Nicole’s room.

“Wake up, bitch, it’s Day 2 of Championships,” you said, jumping to lay next to Nicole on her bed.

“Leave me to die here, I don’t want to go. USAG can suck a homeless man’s dick,” she mumbled into the pillow.

“That’s truly something, wait til the media teams hear about that one,” you joked, only to get a glare sent your way.

“You know what? You can suck on one, too,” she responded, pulling the blanket over her head.

“Well at least, there's less competition,” to which she quickly peaked out of the blanket.

“Oh, you wish. We’re neck and neck this time, so we’ll see who gets bragging rights.”

“Well if you don’t get out of bed, then we’ll never know,” you said, to which she only sent a glare your way.

“Do we really have to get up and compete today? Do you think we could petition to reschedule?”

“I mean, I’m sure if we talked to people, we’d get a lot of signatures, but I don’t think it would go over well,” you said, grabbing your garment bag that held your leo for today, “I’m going to go get ready because I know if we end up talking to Joel and Nolan first, we won’t be ready in time.”

After you got ready, both you and Nicole got your pep talk from Nolan and Bee. On the way to the arena, both of you got a bunch of good luck messages - not just from your friends and family, but also from teammates and even some from most of the Stars roster. You had a feeling in your gut that today would be a good day.

…..

“Alright folks, Day 2 of Championships have been off to a great start and are about to come to a close. With Nicole Carter in first with a 57.605 All-Around score and Kathryn Davis in second with a 57.1, Cassie Riley in third with a 56.2, it comes down to the final rotations. y/n y/l/n is one of the last to go on floor today, who will need a score of at least a 13.5 to get first,” the announcer said.

“And compared to her average score, this will be easily attainable. If she scores at least a 14.5, she’ll be first overall for both days of competition. She already has a for sure spot at Trials, even when you don’t consider scores. As long as she is able to hit all elements of this routine, she’ll be fine,” another announcer said.

“Ok, you’re good, you just have to hit this routine and there’s no doubt you’ll make it to where you want to be. Deep breaths, Twinkle Toes,” Marcus said.

Walking up the platform to get up to the floor, you took your spot at the edge of the floor, ready to salute the judge, and get the last meet of championships out of the way. After anxiously waiting, the judge finally saluted. Entering the floor with a determined walk, you took your spot waiting for the familiar sound of your floor music to ring out.

That familiar feeling of doing the sport you loved, once again, rushed through your veins. Block everything out and complete the routine, that’s all you had to do. Going to your starting pose, the music started. Going through the familiar motions of your routine, you stuck your first tumbling pass. Then came the leaps and jump sequence and all that was in between, with the additional three tumbling passes.

You didn’t give yourself a chance to overthink about your routine, you knew that it wouldn’t benefit you in any way, but as you stepped off the floor you knew that you did what you could. As soon as you made it back to where Marcus and Nicole were sitting, you waited to see what your score was.

Joel and everyone watching at home watched as you sat down to see what your score was. He had this dopey grin gracing his features from the amount of pride he felt in that moment. He didn’t care what your score was, he knew you had put whatever you could out on the mat. He listened to Travis for a moment until the announcer started up again for scores and awards, “and y/n y/l/n pulled through with the score that she needed, a 14.9 on floor. She placed first in All-Around, Carter following right behind, and Davis in third. If all goes this well at trials, I’d say we have a lot of good representation for the Olympic Games.”

…..

After the meet and countless amount of interviews both you and Nicole were extremely worn out and had both passed out on the flight back. As you and Nicole stepped out of the terminal, you were met with the familiar faces of your friends and family. You smiled as you saw Bee for the first time in a few days and despite how tired you were, you couldn’t stop yourself from running to him.

He immediately caught you and did the cliche spin (the one you swore you would never do) before pulling you into a regular hug, “I’m so proud of you, babe. You have no idea.”

“Thank you. I surprisingly missed you,” you joked, laughing harder when Joel pulled you away slightly to catch a glimpse of your face.

“Wow, aren’t I glad I was blessed with such a nice girlfriend? It’s crazy.”

“Absolutely insane.”

“Preposterous.”

“Can the two of you shut the fuck up?” Kevin asked, coming over to give you a hug, “you did good out there, y/n/n. You also kept all your bones intact, I’m proud.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kev.”

“Okay, aside from you getting onto Kev and Bee, I missed you, too,” Karly said from beside Travis.

“I kinda did, too. You did amazing though, y/n/n. I’m proud,” Travis said.

“Thank you, thank you. All in a hard day's work,” you said, shrugging.

“Dude, you might want to go back to Beezer, he looks like a lost puppy watching you talk to us,” Travis pointed out, nodding in Joel’s direction who smiled when you caught his eye.

“Yeah, not a shocking development,” you said, before walking back in Joel’s direction, “hey, Bee.”

“Hey, honey,” he said, wrapping his arms around you again, “you ready to go home?”

“Yeah, of course,” you leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Ew, guys. Get a room,” Kevin called out, fake gagging.

#joel farabee #joel farabee x reader #joel farabee imagines #joel farabee x gymnast!reader #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #hockey imagines

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morkofday · 3 years

Text

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once

how many followers do you have: over 800

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right?

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :)

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥

#tag game #this was so much fun ok #also yes am an emotional mess #especially when it comes to liu chang/liu sang #and if anyone has any knowledge #about anti-fraud league #then am all ears???#thank you for tagging me!!

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vyvesvi · 3 years

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updated top albums list + recommended tracks from each bc im bored lol

*tentatively* in order

unnatural - wjsn | recommended songs: all of them (especially unnatural, supermoon, and yalla) except for rewind | skips: just rewind bc ballad /// im not sure what style to call this album but they really made such a smash, its crazy that it came out so early in the year and no gg is touching it (album wise). literally the only complaints i have are the obligatory ballad (that they always do bc they can all sing lmfao), the album cover/title (dont love the cover design and i dont love when the album name is the tt name, except in certain circumstances (a full album (especially where the title isnt necessarily from the title track) like montero) or when it's a single album (the inverse of this being rsq's prequel which couldve just been called colorfull since that was the only damn song 😐)). i also was disappointed with the outfits for last dance but that's peripheral.

timeabout, - yukika | recommended songs: insomnia & secret | skips: none /// okay to keep it very real im genuinely scared that she'll never surpass soul lady. i love, and i mean LOVE timeabout, but soul lady was on another plane of existence. like she could've held that album a little bit

the other side of the moon - gwsn | recommended songs: like it hot, starry night, i cant breathe | skips: i sing, depending on my mood /// i dont have much commentary tbh,this is just a very solid mini idk. id like to see a fusion of i cant breathe/tweaks/after the bloom/burn, maybe on their next mini. i love their brighter stuff but maybe a darker concept next (halloween cb pls pls pls)

montero - lil nas x | lowkey too soon for me to pick recommended songs but i'll say montero, scoop, lost in the citadel, sun goes down, and am i dreaming for now. will update! | skips: none /// i cant say that this is this year's sawayama bc sawayama was kinda more like a collection of really strong singles? whereas i feel like these songs shine as an album. i dont even know what to say except that im soooo surprised and impressed because i didnt know that this is the type of music he made???? like he raps but theres a lot of singing? not like belting but definitely not rapping. its kinda...alt ish? in some places? if i had to use ine genre to describe the whole album id probably say alt pop? idk but whatever it is it's definitely working

hide & seek - purple kiss | recommended songs: zombie & so why (tbh all of them) | 2am and zzzz depend on my mood but theyre def not full skips /// no bad song on the album this is crazy....i might rerank since i just listened to it for the first time but as of now idk, its good im just super impressed. ponzona wasnt for me but this cb theyre really doing all the things, lovr tht for them

produced by: [myself] - onlyoneof | recommended songs: coy & night flight | question mark depends on my mood /// im still mad at them (read: 8d) sooooo...idk. i can’t really listen to their music rn. but this mini is still good

play game: holiday - weeekly | recommended songs: check it out, weekend, holiday party | i like memories of summer rain and la luna but it depends on my mood /// very cohesive mini, def their best overall imo! not much to say, but i hope jiyoon gets well soon TTTT

enchant - orbit | recommended songs: gokurakuchouka & never gonna get away but also all of them except flor lunar | skips: flor lunar is nice but boring /// i need kpoppies to get into it im tired of being here alone cmon y’all

set - woodz | recommended songs: feel like | skips: none /// i prefer his bright tracks but this mini was solid as usual. where is the full album tho seungyoun hmmm????

guess who - itzy | recommended songs: sorry not sorry, tennis (0:0), kidding me | skips: in the morning, occasionally wild wild west /// i remember being very surprised that i liked this album, especially given that i dont like mitm. not anything groundbreaking but still solid. i think the naming of tennis (0:0) was really clever

intersection: trace - bae173 | recommended songs: green light, loved you | skips: none (sometimes the intro tho) /// honestly their music is really good??? mbk just hasn’t promoted them well, i feel like they make it a little hard to stan...i really appreciate that they’re not doing the stereotypical hard bg concept thing

lilac - iu | recommended songs: coin, flu, ah puh, troll | skips: honestly id have to relisten, some of the songs a lil boring but idr them at the moment

hello future - nct dream | recommended songs: hello future, life is still going on | skips: idr tbh, probably hot sauce though //// was very surprised that i liked this album, but the outro of hello future really got me after a few listens so i had to check it out. very decent!

killa - mirae | recommended songs: killa, sweet dreams, 1 thing | skips: none really but all of the bsides are a little mid tbh /// i will be 1000% honest in saying that the three reasons this allbum made this list are 1.) killa (the tt), 2.) none of the songs are bad, 3.) lien’s vocals. something about lien....he really just sells whatever song he’s on. his belting >>>>>>>>>>>. he makes their music very enjoyable to listen to, next in that department would be junhyuk. based on their most recent cb, siyoung and khael also contribute a lot as well. shame that the rest of the cb album kinda does nothing for me idk. random but i would really like a gg to cover higher and/or killa

& - loona | recommended songs: ur, ptt | skips: a different night, dance on my own /// these r my girls but this is not their best. ur is wonderful though, and ptt is addicting somehow. wow and be honest are fine but really not their best. i like wow’s choreo tho!

albums im excited to listen to (no particular order):

last year was weird volume 3, tkay maidza (i’ve already listened to a bunch of it but i need to sit and just listen to the whole thing)

troubled paradise, slayyter (same as above, but i didn’t even realize it came out this year, i thought it was old for some reason lol)

jo1, challenger (every song of theirs i hear i like pretty much so i need to take an organized look at them lmfao)

jo1, stranger (same as above)

only lovers left, woodz (duhhh its woodz. not out yet but im excited! i do prefer his brighter concepts and this def isn’t that. he says its not gonna be like what he’s done before but the title and concept photo that’s out rn is giving lift up)

the book of us: negentropy - chaos swallowed up in love, day6 (the title kinda bored me but we’ll see. also sungjin’s gone so.....................we’ll see.)

ancient dreams in a modern land, marina (i barely got past venus fly trap because its soooooo good. i’ve listened to a little after that but the songs i heard didn’t really compare. i have to give it a shot tho)

the chaos chapter: fight or escape, txt (i liked the blue hour mini so i need to give them a chance i suppose)

333, tinashe (i just feel like i should idk)

honorable mentions (no particular order):

blue hour, txt - discovered this year, came out last year. retroactively makes the 2020 albums list bc whew the market research that went into that thing paid off

hula hoop/ starseed ~kakusei~, loona (why tf does the album not have a name) - duhhh loona + synths = a smash. in fact like i said when it dropped i dont even wanna call them loona anymore. this is kongetsu no shoujo!!! this isn’t on my top albums list because im counting as two songs and my limit is 3. i might add it anyways lmfao. we’ll see

ugly beauty, jolin tsai - discovered this year, came out in 2018. i just really like jolin tsai idk. i had only heard that album w play and i’m not yours, both are iconic but the production quality sounds...low? like its older but ik they’re not *that* old. either way, ugly beauty does everything i wanted it to - dramatic, vocals, rapping, boa vibes...jolin tsai is a queen what can i say

also, there are of course a ton of singles that i love as well, this is albums only though lmfao. i have no idea if i could even attempt to organize the singles lol

#vyvesvi's year #song rec

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chrisevansgoodgirl · 4 years

Text

the closest i’ve been to a bar was at ballet class

summary: just some smut building up to 🎟🩰(that’s a ticket and ballet slippers in case you aren’t reading this on mobile)

pairings: reader x natasha romanoff, reader x steve rogers, reader x carol danvers, reader x ...someone 👀

word count: a little under 12,000

warnings: everything. as usual, all kinds of sex in here. i can’t remember all of it. some is pretty rough so avoid if that is not your thing.

a/n: so...i may have added a fourth and bc i’m a jerk, i’m not yet tagging who... but i’ve been thirsting for this character so hard lately and idk why! i’m done tho, i swear! no more. none.

a/n2: so, obviously there is no show here and they have yet to find out about each other but i started writing that but this all happened first and it would have been like a billion words. so part 3 will be coming!

a/n3: part 1

Your ballet instructor was Natasha’s number one enemy. It had started almost instantly. As with her experiences in ballet, she felt that your instructor was someone who simply needed to be watched. She said ballet instructors were hardly ever completely honest, they always had ulterior motives.

You highly doubted your instructor—a 38-year-old woman with an amazing husband and three adorable children—was up to no good. But you couldn’t take another lecture!

Natasha liked to remind you that she had been at this for a long time. Sure, she was paranoid, sometimes. But other times, she was very much correct and that was enough for her. She just wished you would put your guard up sometimes.

So she claimed, anyway. And she was convincing, but at the end of the day, she was glad you weren’t jaded and cynical. It meant she got to take care of you. It meant that she got to protect you in all the ways she knew how—threats, murder maybe.

She was waiting for you at your apartment around noon after practice was over. Her eyes sought out any signs of stress. You knew you looked tired—a big show was coming up, that same show you knew was going to conclude this whole sneaking around thing you had going on. You also knew there was a huge bruise on your shin and arm that she would be furious about when she undressed you.

"Hungry?" she inquired. No 'hello', no 'I missed you', but Natasha liked to save that for when you were falling asleep. She really thought you wouldn't remember how sappy she'd gotten in the morning. You let her pretend because the alternative was no sappiness.

"Starving. Are we going somewhere?"

"Let’s stay in, I’ll make something."

You opened your apartment for her and she waltzed right in. She directed you to change as she headed for the kitchen.

You didn’t have the energy to try to hide the bruises. It was better to get it out of the way. Besides, were you going to say no when she wanted to fuck you?

You chose a tiny bra top and a pair of tiny shorts. Maybe your ass would distract her.

She was at the counter, waiting to see what you came out in. A box of pasta in front of her, a few jars and a saucepan off to her side. It wasn’t anything too crazy but you were okay with that, and at least she wouldn’t get to tease you in that restaurant she loved taking you to.

Concept: picture that scene from a movie where the rich, white man has his favorite restaurant that he takes his billions of too-young, way-out-of-his-league dates to and the staff is used to not mentioning any of the terrible things they see to his wife. Now, take that vision and place it on Natasha. Subtract all the dates and the wife and that Natasha was out of your league, and that had you sitting at her usual table of her favorite overpriced, noisy, terribly lit restaurant at least once a week. At least you were starting to make friends with all of the hostesses and most of the servers. But they weren't naive, they knew when Natasha was, in a sense, in a mood, and they knew when to be succinct but still helpful. That was what made part of The Incident possible—

"What is that bruise?" she demanded, startling you out of your thoughts.

You contemplated the innocent act for a moment, but you'd rather be dismissive. It was just quicker. "Nat, I'm fine—"

"Did you get that in class?"

"No."

"Where, then?"

You sighed. "When I was leaving class. I fell walking down the stairs."

"Because you’re so tired!"

"I am not that tired," you protested.

"Y/N—"

You sauntered over to her, sliding in between her and the counter. "I guess I am a little tired but only because I’ve had some trouble falling asleep lately."

She already knew where you were going, but she would never refuse one of your challenges. You weren’t in charge, she was, and you wouldn’t know that if she was too soft with you. She sighed, "why is that?"

"Because you haven’t fucked me in so long."

She rolled her eyes.

"When you tire me out, I sleep like a baby. Without you...I have to tire myself out and that can take forever."

She sighed, knowing she was not going to get you on a different path. "Forever, huh?"

You nodded. "I mean...I can think about you when I do it. Your mouth, your fingers... But it’s not the same."

"And how often, exactly, do you think about me?"

It was the closest she was ever going to get to asking where she stood with you. She knew there were others but she wanted to hear that she was special compared to the rest. She was, so special you couldn’t put it into words. But that didn't mean Steve and Carol weren't special in their way as well. You figured they were going to have a hard time wrapping their mind around that when they found out about this. A competition? Sure, they could understand that.

"Very often," you promised. "I missed you."

You craved them exactly as you had gotten used to having them in your life. The mornings had you longing to be with Natasha, staying in bed late while you thought about how she wasn’t going to be walking you to class or waiting for you after. Nights were reserved for Steve when you realized how empty your bed felt and wanted to have one of your under-the-covers conversations with him—a trend started in the winters when he would unintentionally wake you up because he was trying to slip out of bed, it was your way of keeping him there for just a little longer. Then there were weekends, random mid-days, and every Thursday night that Carol had you set aside just for her so she could take you to Maria's for dinner.

Natasha's hands settled on your hips. "I missed you, too. But that doesn’t mean I don't want to hit your damn teacher."

"Why waste time?"

"I’m nearly retired," she countered. "I have the time."

"No, you really don’t." You slowly removed your shirt and then shimmied out of your shorts before kicking them away. "All of your time needs to be spent on me, not worrying about my teacher."

Natasha always looked at you like she’d never seen anything quite so beautiful regardless of how little time elapsed from the last, but there was something different this time. For the first time since she’d met you, your skin was an unpainted canvas. Steve and Carol had been gone as well and that meant there were no bruises anywhere because there was no one else.

Natasha liked marking you up because Steve did—not that she knew that, but it was a possessive outlet for them both. Steve’s marks were always bigger, bigger fingers, bigger love bites, she’d known instantly that he was a man—random, inconsistent. Hers were smaller, healed quicker, but no doubt sent the message that you were fucking a woman. Something she wanted to be known to whoever else was sharing your bed.

She lifted you onto the counter, leaving your hips hanging over the edge as she dropped to her knees. Immediately, her mouth was set to your inner thigh where she nipped at your skin and kissed after. She never once took her eyes off you as she switched legs..

You wouldn’t beg, even after the eighth time she made that switch. You knew she had her plans and not even you could change them. That didn’t mean you weren’t dripping and squirming, cursing her for being so thorough, however.

She shoved your legs apart wide as she stood, dipping down to run her tongue through you slowly, just once.

You shuddered when she caught your clit. "Natasha—"

"Hush." She eyed your pussy, then the rest of you. "You are delicious, baby. I can’t believe I had to go so long without tasting you." She chose your hip bones to mark up next but finally, slid two fingers inside you. She didn’t move them, she just wanted to fill you up a little.

You clenched around them several intentional times and she didn’t bat an eye. She was trying to drive you crazy; she hadn’t said it but the second you tried to take, if you rolled your hips, if you grabbed her arm and attempted to rush her, she would make you wait longer.

She trailed up to your breasts, small kisses scattered without pattern before she started to bite and suck until your skin was numbly tingling. You knew her game was over when she pressed her lips to yours.

You wasted no time, opening your mouth for her tongue and moaning out of the sheerest need. There was just something about Natasha’s lips that could always get you weak. They were beautiful to look at but they felt even better gliding across your skin, kissing, sucking.

She was the one who pulled away, turning down to look at her fingers still inside you. "You are soaking my hand."

Now you grabbed her forearm, pulling her fingers in deeper. "Fuck me, please."

She acted as if she was thinking about it, arched her eyebrow and curled her fingers once, twice, and then yanked them away from you.

Your eyes widened up at her. What the hell?

"Go sit at the table while I finish making the pasta."

Your mouth dropped a little. "Um...?"

"Hurry up," she ordered.

She was serious, dead serious. You slid off the counter, leaning down to reach for your clothes.

"I didn’t tell you to get dressed," she pointed out. With her hands on your arms, she stood you back up and turned you around. You went to move away but she grabbed your ass and leaned down to kiss your cheek, then gently urged you forward. "Sit down, stop pouting. Be a good girl or else I won’t be fucking you, understood?"

No, hell no, not understood. At all! But you didn’t say any of that as you moved for the table. No, no, no way in hell.

Steve teased, even Carol had her tendencies to make you wait, but Natasha was different. After that first time in the studio, she had never again made you wait for something that you wanted. She gave and gave until you shamelessly flaunted how spoiled you were to anyone who would listen—mostly the ballerinas from class. It was that Natasha didn’t need to be as in control as them, it was that it didn’t need to be some power struggle.

Maybe she was trying something different, but that meant that you could do that, too. Instead of sitting in a chair like a boring mouse, you turned to her and sat on the table instead.

She was pouring the box of pasta in the pot, but she turned up to arch an eyebrow at you.

You lifted one leg, then the other, setting the arches of your feet on the edge of the table. You were obscenely spread for her and she acted as if that wasn’t unnatural.

You brought your hand down to your pussy, two fingers slowly tracing circles around your clit. You watched her watching you the entire time, there was never a break in her resolve. But you were too far now to just quit, besides that was more than likely was her feigned indifference was trying for.

She didn’t stop making the pasta either, but that was how you knew you were winning. She was trying to speed dinner along because she was going to remind you that she was in charge.

It was so cute that they believed that. You worried that she may not let you finish that night, so even if you wanted to give her that little bit of obedience you could manage, you weren't convinced it was in your best interest.

Your hand began to move frantically as you cried out her name because you were just mean like that. Your eyes closed and your head fell back as you took in two of your fingers. Your hips rose to grind against the heel of your palm, around that time you were almost certain you’d heard something clatter in the kitchen.

Your finish was little more than a show, an end you’d drawn yourself to many times in their absence but one that you played up. It felt as good as it could have but you needed them, nothing else could suffice. That didn't mean you weren't acting like it was the best orgasm you'd ever had.

You came down quickly and did so without a word or even another glance at her. You climbed off the table, sat in a chair, and looked at her once more.

She looked down at the counter in front of her and shook her head. Yep, you were in major trouble, but you deemed it well worth it.

After an uneventful meal, she took you to the bedroom where she edged you ruthlessly. She was trying to get you to apologize for misbehaving, but you refused. Well, until she told you that she wasn't going to give you the presents she brought you back from Paris. (Later, you opened a new pair of thigh-high boots and a diamond choker with a dangling charm of cursive letters spelling out angel.)

And finally, when you gave in and apologized, she herself was worked up beyond comprehension and set your cunt over her face so she could eat you out until you were crying and delirious. Thankfully, she didn’t stop even though you begged her to, not until she was satisfied.

That was the first night Natasha stayed over. She kept her arms wrapped around your bare torso to keep you pinned to her as tightly as possible. You felt her running her hands through your hair until you fell asleep, enjoying the sound of her breathing in the quiet room.

In the morning, you woke first. You were able to watch her sleep for a while, surprised by how peaceful she looked. And you were caught off by how good she looked in your bed, her red hair fanned out over your pink pillowcases, the sunlight filtering through the blinds and layering her in gold light.

Her arms were slack around you, her right falling away as you sat up. You situated yourself on her side, crossing your top leg over her hip. You took her hand in yours, guiding two of her fingers to your already wet pussy.

You teased your clit for several minutes, careful not to wake her just yet. When you were ready, you slid down on two of her long fingers. Still, she was not woken by you.

You rolled your hips desperately, moaning every time your clit swept against her palm. You felt her fingers curl on their own and moaned louder, an attempt to get her conscious.

When her eyes shot open, they focused on you instantly. You continued to fuck yourself on her fingers, setting your head on the pillow next to hers and staring in her eyes.

"Fuck," she whispered. Then she was up and urging you onto your back. She spread your legs wide and slotted herself between them. She started slow, hands groping your breasts as she dragged her pussy against yours.

She was deliciously slick, you could feel her cunt dripping onto yours. Wet sounds filled the room, along with the small, desperate noises that spilled from your open mouth.

When she knew she was close, she used your thigh as leverage, moving quicker. It was a breath-taking scene when Natasha got lost in pleasure. She shut her eyes, tilted her head back and her red curls lined her back, her breasts bounced hard because that was how she was fucking you. She didn’t stop until you were both screaming each other's name and coming.

She collapsed on top of you, mouth lazily seeking out yours. "That’s the best way I’ve ever been woken up."

You smiled.

"Turn over, let me see your gorgeous ass."

You waited until she stepped off the bed to roll over, eagerly sticking your ass out for her. She had never asked you to do this so you were excited to see where she would take it.

You heard her get back on the bed and then felt her hands gripping your ass hard.

"You have such a beautiful ass."

You smirked, glancing back at her.

She set her body flat against your back and you titled your head just so you could kiss her. She began grinding her cunt against your ass, nipping at your lips as she moaned. One of her hands slithered down between your pussy and the mattress, her fingers circling your sensitive flesh skillfully.

Her soaking pussy brushed over your ass desperately, you could feel her soaking you all the way down the back of your thigh. She got herself off on your skin, never once easing up on your clit even though you’d finished and were terribly oversensitive to her touch. Instead, once again, she stopped only when she wanted to.

And if you thought that would be the end, you didn’t know her very well. She sat up and brought you with her. She took your hips in her hands and situated you over one of her thighs, her front pressed to your back once again. "Come on my thigh, baby, don’t stop until I tell you to."

You leaned over, using your elbows to keep your balance. You rode her thigh hard, making sure to give her quite the show of your ass. When you were reaching your end, you grabbed one of her hands and set it over your ass. She took the cue immediately, grabbing you, digging her fingers in.

When you finished, she shoved you flat onto the mattress. You were only half aware of what she was doing behind you, still floating from your orgasm. You snapped right out of that when you felt her lips against your ass. She kissed you several times before you felt her tongue against your hole.

You startled, hands fisting in the sheets. You were definitely surprised, you guys had never even approached this topic. But just as soon as you had felt her, she was gone. She turned you back over, kissed up your body, stopping only to worship your breasts. When she reached your mouth, she gave you an out-of-place chaste kiss and sat up. "Seriously, we need to get out of bed or I'm never going to stop fucking you."

When Carol opened her apartment door for you, things quickly changed. She gripped your arm and walked you to the couch where she forcefully sat you down. One thing was clear: she was in no mood to hear you speak.

"Stay." She headed to the kitchen where you heard cupboards being opened and slammed shut, the fridge a few times. Mostly, she was just walking around.

Perhaps you should have been scared, but you were just wet. So fucking wet.

She came back with a beer, glanced at you, then began pacing. "You’re..." she trailed off and shook her head before taking a long drink from the bottle in her hand. "I mean, I can’t even..."

It was definitely a mistake to laugh.

Her eyes widened and she turned to you, a clear warning, but one that you would not heed. "Just try to make me understand," she finally settled on. "What possessed you?"

"Well, you were gone for quite a while."

"So, you missed me?"

"Of course."

"So, you decide to be a brat?"

Was that supposed to make you regret acting out? It was a somewhat humiliating thing for her to call you but you didn’t dislike it. "Well, you weren’t paying enough attention to me."

Again, that sharp look that you were sure was supposed to make you backtrack. "I only pay attention to good girls, girls who behave."

You hummed, standing. "I suppose I should go home, then."

"Sit down," she growled.

Instead, you tossed your purse on the couch and slowly removed your jacket. Nat had left you covered in marks but she was secure enough in her place with you that she didn’t need to do so in a way that would inconvenience you. She understood you were a ballerina so she left your neck, shoulders, and chest mostly untouched. Your breasts, stomach, and thighs were another story, but you were still in a tiny ass skirt that allowed Carol to finger you in the car before you’d arrived at another little gathering Maria was having—who had more parties, her or Tony Stark? She was giving him a run for his money.

Which was where you’d started acting out. Carol had picked you up around noon and you were as sweet as could be. But around 3, you were suddenly hit with the realization that you wanted to be fucking her more than anything else. It started with a text about how you had taken off your underwear. She was having none of it, she told you this was not happening. You let her know that the scrap of lace was in her purse.

You sent a picture 30 minutes later. She warned you to stop. You sent a video showing her just how wet you were for her, then told her all the things you wanted her to do to you. All the things you had missed while she was away.

In total, you sent her 27 texts, 2 videos, and 7 pictures. You’d received 4 responses, but the final one was completely out of place. Show me your ass. You obliged but then nothing. She said nothing, she requested nothing further.

Did you feel as though you'd gone too far? Not exactly. Carol was definitely into the most public shit, making possible for the second part of The Incident. You still blushed thinking about that day.

She rolled her eyes at your display of disobedience, bringing the bottle to her lips once more. "Strip."

You didn’t need to be told twice. First, it was the shirt, and you paid no mind at all to what Natasha had left you with, but you noticed Carol's lingering gaze. Next, you pushed your skirt down and stepped out of her pumps you’d borrowed. You loved wearing heels when you were out with Carol, she was taller than you without and sometimes it brought you to her level or made you just a tad taller.

She made her way closer to you, setting her bottle on the coffee table off to her side. Abruptly, she grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled you closer to her. "If you wanted me to get rough with, princess, all you had to do was ask."

You didn’t have time to respond before she was kissing you, greedy and demanding. But just as you reached up to touch her face, she yanked back and turned you around with her hands on your shoulders. She grabbed your hair once more and forced you down toward the table.

You were on your knees, bent over the edge, your breasts flat against the freezing glass. Your cheek was pressed so hard against the solid surface you almost couldn’t open your mouth to speak. "Carol—"

"Silence."

It was a while before you heard her move, she got down behind you and kept one hand on your head as the next began to feel through your folds.

She slipped one finger inside you, pulled back, then added another. She curled up against that spot that always made you buck your hips wildly, even though now you were digging into the sharp wooden border of the table she’d bent you over.

"You know how to drive, right, princess?"

You paused for a moment, confused.

"Answer me."

"Um, yes?"

"You know that when you reach a traffic light, green means go and red means stop, don’t you?"

"Yeah..."

"So, right now, bent over this table, your soaking cunt filled with my fingers, you are...?"

She was speaking slowly as if you were a child that could barely comprehend this conversation. Never mind that you were definitely getting lost and her fingers were turning your brain to mush. It was another humiliation tactic and you felt yourself blushing. She’d never been quite so...formal. "Green?"

"Are you asking or telling? Green means that you are still my desperate little whore that needs to be fucked hard."

"I’m green," you assured.

"And if at any point you feel like you need me to slow down or you are beginning to get worried or uncomfortable, if you need any verbal communication, you’re yellow. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"And you understand if you need me to stop, if I’m hurting you or you don’t like what’s going on, you can tell me you are red and you know I won’t get mad at you?"

"Yes."

"One more time, what are you?"

"Green."

She pulled her fingers from inside you. "Arms on the table."

You hurriedly obeyed, gripping the edges hard. Carol never really spoke to you like this, it was all spoiling you in attention and affection. This was something else, something you hadn’t anticipated when you started this game.

She brought her hand down on the right side of your ass, your hips stuttered forward and your gasp and the echo of the smack filled the room. Your cheeks burned and your eyes filled with tears. It didn’t hurt, she was experimenting, but you knew it would eventually.

"And what are you now, princess?"

You swallowed, willing your voice to stay even. "Green."

She finally let go of your hair and you tilted your head a little just to get the pressure off your cheekbone. She repeated the slap on the opposite side with just a bit more pressure.

You shuddered and blurted out the same color. Your skin was stinging but you felt yourself growing wetter, your slick running down your thighs now.

She had you in this cycle until she found enough force that it was barely manageable. Tears were running down your cheeks, landing on the table and she had to hold you up on your knees because you no longer could.

She hummed. "These marks are going to be pretty in the morning."

You realized then where this came from. Had you come to her with the same attitude but without all of those marks Nat left you covered in, you probably never would have pushed Carol to this point. They had both officially found their ways to be just the slightest bit possessive.

"You sorry?"

You snorted. "No...are you?"

"Excuse me?"

"You should have fucked me at the party if you really wanted me to stop sending you pictures and videos."

She rolled her eyes. "Stay here. I'm not joking."

You smirked as she stormed off to her bedroom. You knew what she would be coming back with. She returned naked, save for her strap. A smooth red dildo hung between her legs, one of the larger ones she owned.

You went to stand up but she clicked her tongue disapprovingly.

"Crawl over here."

You lifted your eyebrows—crawl? Hadn't she just called you ‘princess’? But you could be a ‘whore’ since she called you that, too. On hands and knees, you made your way to her.

She reached down to grab your hair, pulling you up to stand on your knees. She said nothing else as she used her other hand to press the tip of the dildo against your lips until you opened your mouth. A struggle that ended with the sounds of you choking on the piece of silicone down your throat.

The rest of the night was spent on the couch. She made you ride her strap until you physically couldn't continue, which ended up being a bit after two in the morning. She didn't tease or edge, she allowed you to come as many times as you wanted to, in fact, she ordered it—unstated, but the threat that would come from not playing her game was clear.

She didn't help, however, she stayed still underneath you and didn't say a word. She just watched you, watched as you pathetically attempted to get her to break. You would kiss her, take her fingers and suck on them, place her hands over your breasts. A few times, you even got up, turning your back to her before sinking back down on the dildo, knowing that she would love the sight of your battered ass.

Steve understood your love of ballet.

Sure, Natasha knew what you were talking about and related to you somewhat, but she also had her opinions about ballet and sometimes she was a little closed off about your dancing. And hell, Carol would support you doing anything. Tap, softball, book club, Broadway, murder, she just wanted you to be happy.

With Steve, well, he sort of understood interests that left you a little battered and bruised. His new obsession (TM) was patching you up through those unanticipated injuries and wrapping your feet before you practiced at home to prevent injuries. It was a careful 20-minute process where he was utterly focused on making sure you were completely protected. And either he paid tremendous attention to you—his skills at quickly prepping your feet was enviable—or he had a thing for ballerinas. You were okay not knowing.

When he called you and told you he was coming over, you noticed something in his voice. It was different, not that usual sweet and doting tone, but you'd heard it before. Steve was always confident and assertive, but this was...something else. Something more. When he told you that you needed to get dressed in nothing more than a leotard, you wanted to be a brat and flat out refuse, maybe just tease, but you didn’t. You had enough sense to know that it wouldn’t get you the results you wanted.

You also had reason to be nervous. Carol had left you some nice marks. They didn’t really hurt anymore, but they were there. There was also no false illusion about what they were. Steve would know and you just weren’t sure how he would feel about them. Most of your ass was covered with what you were wearing but there were still the especially dark areas that could be seen through your one-piece, and there were a few bruises that extended the cut of your outfit. Not to mention, there was no way to hide what Natasha left on your upper thighs.

But you just decided to act like it wasn’t an issue. He was the one who said he couldn’t be your boyfriend, right? He couldn’t get upset over others leaving marks behind. At least that was what you kept repeating to yourself as you walked toward your barre in the corner of your apartment living room.

You began going through your usual warm-up routine, only glancing at him when you felt you wouldn’t be caught. He was laid out on the couch, eyes following your legs as if he hadn’t seen you do this a dozen times already. He was already hard, made more noticeable by the one leg draped over the edge of the cushions. His hand was on his thigh, fingers twitching just barely. The control he was trying to maintain was clear on his face, through his sharp blue eyes, his set jaw, and furrowed brow.

It was silent the entire time and your nerves were growing. Eventually, you would have to turn around and he would have the perfect view of your ass. He’d already noticed your thighs, you saw him eyeing you when he was prepping your feet for the pointe shoes. But he didn’t say anything and he wouldn’t, because he wasn’t allowed to. Right?

With a finishing soutenu turn, you were facing the opposite direction. You heard him sit up but then it was completely silent, minus your breathing and your shoes brushing along the floor.

When you were done, you stayed put. You’d gone as far as teaching him a lot of ballet vocabulary because he knew what he wanted to see and after your warm-ups, he would often direct you. It was always somewhat thrilling—apparently, you both shared this depraved ballerina kink. Maybe there had been role play—maybe he was the casting director and you were a desperate ballerina auditioning for a role, willing to do anything to get it, and maybe he pretended he had a million and one critiques for you, and maybe instead of having the talent, you got the role after you sucked him off.

“Face the barre. Run through your pliés.”

You turned to your side, pretending to be focused on keeping your hips squared and your pelvis locked. You could do pliés no problem, but the alternative was meeting his stare in the mirror and you were too nervous to do that. You completed the demi-pliés slowly and the grand pliés much the same. Normally, he would speak during this step, knowing that he wasn’t going to distract you, but nothing.

You waited for more instructions but they never came. You felt his arms wrap around your waist and you startled—you hadn’t heard him get so close.

He just held you for a moment, pinned your back to his chest as he kissed the side of your face. His hands began to squeeze your breasts and you melted into him eagerly. But soon, gentle touching became rough grabbing and all you could do was watch him in the mirror. He looked at you like he was starving and he touched you like it had been ages.

One of his hand dropped down and grabbed your ass. You held on tighter to the barre, shuddering. "What do you call him?"

Because you just didn’t know what was good for you, you laughed. "Are you jealous?"

He gripped you harder, bringing down his other hand to join. "I don’t need to be. What do you call him?"

'I’m not fucking another man," you informed, amusement still clear in your tone. Steve Rogers jealous, you never thought you’d see the day.

"Then what do you call her?"

She had you call her captain, but you couldn’t exactly tell him that. "What do you want me to call you?" you purred. "Sir?"

"No."

You hummed. “Master? You don’t strike me as the type, but you’re weird enough that I wouldn’t be surprised."

"No."

"Then I’m not sure what you want, Steve." You did know, you’d always had the suspicion since he liked to take care of you and loved calling you baby girl.

"I won’t ask you again," he finally said. He didn’t much care what you were doing with other people, but he did have a special liking to your ass. Maybe he was just mad that someone was spanking you before he was.

When it came to Steve, you knew how to get under his skin. You always knew just what to say to shock him and he could pretend all he wanted that he didn’t love when you would say the filthiest things to him, but you knew better. And after he just handed you this, how were you supposed to resist? "I don’t think I’ll have enough time to answer."

He lifted his eyebrows. "Oh, are we on a clock?"

You shrugged, leaning back to set your head on his shoulder. "Well, yeah, if you want to fuck me before mom gets home."

He scoffed, averting his gaze forward.

You knew you’d caught something though, his hands tightened on your hips and his jaw was doing that thing.

"You are sick."

You snorted. "And you’re hard, so."

He turned you abruptly, pinning you between his body and the barre. "Fine, what’s the story?"

You hummed. "You met my mom in a bar, you liked her, you started this all with the purest intentions. But then you stayed over one night, and there I was. You’ve tried fighting it—"

"But you don’t make it easy," he sighed.

You smirked. "I’m sorry, daddy. Really."

Any last reluctance he had was destroyed when you called him daddy. "Well, baby girl, daddy really isn’t okay that you’ve been letting so many other people fuck you."

You shrugged. "Maybe I was practicing."

He scoffed, fully aware of how you were intending to turn this. "Practicing. For what?"

"You. I just wanted to make sure I was good when you fucked me."

He hummed, turning you away once again. "And are you?"

"Good?"

"Mhm."

"The best," you promised.

"Baby, I don’t know how I feel about sharing you. What if I wanted to be your first?"

"I—"

He brought his hand up to your neck and you fell silent. "Daddy is really disappointed."

Rarely did Steve commandeer your scenes. Mostly, he pretended that he was just humoring you, then he fucked you well enough that you weren’t in the position to tease him afterward. It was a great system. But you weren’t complaining that he was suddenly changing things.

"Are you sorry for letting me down?"

You nodded quickly. It was surprising how naturally he could commit to this character.

"How are you going to make it up to me?"

"I’ll do anything," you promised.

He took his other hand, palm sliding over your ass. "Have I ever told you how much I love your ass?"

"No."

"I do... you ever had your ass fucked?"

That was a huge no. The men you had been with up to that point, prior to Steve, did not meet your standards that well. There was lacking trust, skill, most of them couldn’t define 'foreplay' if their lives depended on it. And after, well, Carol was the only one who liked straps so much and she’d never brought it up.

"No."

"No?"

You were about to repeat the answer when his hand came down on your ass. It (illogically) was the last thing you were expecting and you pathetically squeaked before you could stop yourself.

"You know what I want you to call me. Correct?"

"Yes, daddy. No, I’ve never been fucked there."

"You want daddy to fuck you there?"

"Will daddy forgive me?"

"Maybe."

Pouting, right now? Steve Rogers knew no bounds. "Yes, daddy, I want you to fuck me there."

"Spread your legs and hold the barre."

You hurriedly did as he asked, watching his face in the mirror. His eyes were focused on your ass, the way you moved, the way you were teasing him by leaning over just a little.

First, he moved your suit aside and buried two fingers inside you. You were obscenely wet, something he chuckled at.

You would have blushed, had you not already been. He pumped his fingers in and out, ordering you to watch, even though you couldn’t see much with your leotard in the way. When he added another finger, you squirmed a little, trying to get more comfortable.

"Does that hurt?"

"A little, daddy." It always hurt, taking Steve was always an adjustment process. The first few times, uncomfortable, an orgasm without his fingers rubbing quick circles around your clit was impossible. You were getting used to him, it was still a stretch, you’d just grown to like that ounce of pain because you knew how much pleasure was going to follow.

"Well, imagine how they’re going to feel in your ass. Then imagine how my cock will feel. Worried?"

"No, daddy. I like it when you hurt me."

He thrust his fingers a tad indelicately and your hips jerked.

Ass—obviously you’d said that to get a rise out of him, but still, rude. You had completely soaked through your thick suit by the time he pulled his fingers out, and not a single finish to show for it. But you figured he knew what he was doing, he’d probably had experience with this before so you were fine letting him run the show.

He pulled the material over your ass so he could watch you take his fingers.

"Take it off, daddy," you pleaded, voice all weak and breathy. You were pathetic.

"Can’t, baby. If your mom walks in, you can’t be naked."

You whined unintelligibly. Was he serious right now?

"Don’t misbehave," he warned. "I don’t want to have to punish you. Understand?"

"Yes, daddy." You set your forehead to the bar, angling your head so you could still see his face.

"Are you ready?"

You nodded slightly. "Yes, daddy." You startled a bit when you felt his finger, taking a breath when he told you to. The first finger didn’t hurt but you felt impossibly full—he was right, how were you going to take him? There was a sting when he got to his knuckle but he told you to relax so you tried.

His opposite hand reached through the suit where he pressed his fingers flat to your clit and began to massage them over you, back and forth, with a toe-curling pace and pressure. He pumped his finger in and out of your ass until you were crying out about your approaching orgasm. His finger felt different now, better, and you weren’t sure any finish had ever built up so intensely.

Before you could find out, he stopped touching your clit, dipping his first two fingers down to tease your entrance. It was then that he decided to add another finger to the one working on opening your ass for him. He was quick about it, slid one finger out, shoved two in.

You threw your head back, moaning loudly.

"Starting to feel good, baby?"

"Yes, daddy." Maybe just the looming promise of the right kind of pain, but not necessarily good. Not yet.

He continued his pattern of edging you until he had four fingers inside your ass. Your legs were shaking and his other hand was completely soaked. He never stopped talking, telling you about all the times he had thought about fucking you like this, how he touched himself during these fantasies, how he was going to make you feel better than you’d ever felt.

Steve wasn’t the most forthcoming man. He didn’t lie, never, but sometimes he kept things so completely to himself and you never had a clue. When did this obsession with your ass start, and how? And if Carol had never spanked you, would he even be doing this now? What other fantasies was he keeping to himself?

"Do you want to go to your bedroom, doll?"

"Not yet."

"Do you want your mother to catch us?" he joked.

You snorted. "Maybe I do."

He leaned over you, kissing the side of your face. "You know, I’m just saying, if you really did have a mom and I was your stepfather and was trying to fuck you on a clock, we would have definitely been caught by now."

You couldn’t possibly refrain from smiling. "You’re such a dork, Steve."

He smiled a little. "You think you’re ready?"

"Yes."

He arched an eyebrow at you. "Don’t drop the act now, baby girl."

You scoffed. "Yes, daddy. I’m ready." You watched him in the mirror as he moved his pants out of his way, something he eventually had to remove his fingers to do. You immediately missed that full feeling.

He adjusted your leotard out of his way once more, opposite hand leading his cock to you. He pressed in just barely, allowing you time to adjust or to protest if this was a failed experiment. You guys had had a few of those. Beyond handcuffs, he did not like tying you up. You guys actually weren’t overly into public sexual situations, save for the final act of The Incident. And phone sex was something that only occurred in times of true desperation. This would not be making the same list.

He folded his hands over your hip bones, pulling you back further on his cock. Your mouth dropped and your eyes slammed shut. It didn’t feel natural, it was like your body was trying to push back at him but well, Steve was nothing if not stubborn. He just kept pushing and pushing until your ass was flush against him.

It felt like an eternity when he started to pull out and then another eternity when he thrust back in, but you enjoyed every second. You felt high by the time his hips were moving easily, steadily. It was this maddening feeling like you were on the edge of something really good but he wouldn’t touch you anywhere else and it just wasn’t enough to finish. You suspected he knew that.

His hands moved up your hips and your waist until he could grab your shoulders. He stood you up, his hips stilling, your back flat to his chest. Just when you thought you he couldn’t get any deeper inside you. He pressed his hands up until he closed around your breasts. He pinched your nipples through the material, lips brushing against your ear as he spoke.

"Let’s go to the bedroom."

He would have a much better angle to watch, of course. Two months prior, you were days away from a huge audition so you were either at the studio or at home practicing. One night when you arrived home at nearly 10, it just felt like something wasn't right. Like someone had been in your apartment, nothing looked off. You just felt it.

You didn't lock the door behind you, just in case. You kept hold of your phone. You hadn’t spoken to Natasha that day and you worried she wouldn’t answer, she didn’t generally stay awake so late. And well, it wasn’t like Steve was a stranger to your AM calls or texts. But Carol lived closer and would have been there in a second if you’d needed her.

You made yourself move, tomorrow was another busy day. You flipped on your bedroom light, nearly sprinting straight back out when you saw flowers on your bed. But fear was quickly replaced with all sorts of confusion.

It looked like an expensive bouquet and there was a card right next to it. And see, these were not roses or daisies, these were dahlias—dark red, full, extra flowers. And who was more extra than... As the card read—ding, ding, ding. Steve Rogers.

When you’re not so busy, we’ll try it out.

Fear soon returned. Oh no, you thought to yourself. What could he have possibly done? It took you only three more seconds to find a full ass mirror over your bed. At the moment, you were stunned, but once more, pulled yourself out of it with your insistence of sleep. You did not have time for this.

However, when you were in bed, your phone charging next to you, you just couldn’t fall asleep. Of course. You had to call Steve. He’d broken into your home, or allowed others to break into your home, without your permission. All to put a fucking mirror over the god damn bed? He was insane, you realized.

"Hey, doll."

He sounded so smug. "You’re sick."

"Hmm, does that mean you don’t like it?"

"That means what I said: you’re sick."

"Take your clothes off."

You snorted. "Who said I’m wearing any?"

As mentioned, this wasn’t your usual routine with him. Steve loved seeing you, feeling you—phone sex just didn’t cut it. But who knew when you would have time for him next?

"There are many toys in your bedside table, pick one now."

You eagerly obliged, spreading your legs and fucking yourself with a vibrator he’d used on you several times. He told you to watch, to not take your eyes off the mirror.

The mirror added to discovering that Steve Rogers liked role-play had been some of the most pleasant surprises of your life. It was fun for both of you, never a question about when or where. When either of you wanted it, the other was always up for it. You’d thought it was just a one-time thing after the ballet incident, but then he found handcuffs in your room, which believe it or not, you hadn’t actually been using for sex. They were sex handcuffs, but they were just part of your costume to the Valentine's Day party Carol had taken you to, thrown by the lovely Maria.

Regardless, he asked you about them and you dismissed them. He then “arrested” you for “being a brat”. That got you bent over the kitchen counter as he fucked you from behind. He had you beg him to let you go but didn’t stop until his cum was dripping out of you onto the floor.

Then he’d noticed you were struggling in one of your classes and offered a prize for doing well on an upcoming exam. Of 50 questions, you’d only missed 4. He laid you out on your bed and told you he was going to eat you out. After the first time, you attempted to pull him up to you, gasping about how you needed him inside you, please Steve. He grabbed your hands and held them down, ordering you to call him professor Rogers.

Then there was the loose sugar daddy scene. He’d bought you a diamond choker on one of his trips away and it was stunning. You felt spoiled and wanted him to feel the same. You got on your knees and stayed there until you were sure your jaw was going to suffer permanent damage if you kept your mouth open that wide for much longer. It was three days later that he sent you a screenshot of your Instagram post about the diamond choker and told you to get dressed exactly how you were in the photo. So, in a rose pink wig, a tiny pink satin dress, a dangerously high pair of red heels, and the diamond choker. He didn’t use your name when finally got to your apartment, he called you baby and made you ride him, fully dressed, until you couldn’t sit up on your own.

Then there was the time Steve Rogers actually sent you the address to a sex shop and told you to meet him there. You’d had no idea until you pulled up to the building but you knew immediately that you were going to enjoy this. He asked you to help him find toys that his wife would enjoy—you told yourself you could play along, but you definitely needed to smack him upside the head later. When he got you in the car, after a little back and forth, you being somewhat mouthy, he placed one of the vibrators inside you and wouldn’t turn it off. His fingers paid attention to your clit the entire drive home.

Your payback for that was you dressed as one of his former chorus girls. A designer at the university that you’d met because she always made the costumes for the show was all too happy to help. You sent him a picture of the outfit then flipped the skirt up to show him you weren’t wearing underwear. The absolute last thing you expected was for him to show up in one of his suits. He was wild almost animalistic, he made you scream so loud that three different neighbors came to check if you were okay. Which had been a great source of pride to him.

Then you bought a stripper pole. It took 7 entire classes before you had any idea what you were doing. Though he appreciated it, it was a requirement of patience that he did not want to execute. Natasha, though,

Natasha loved watching you dance. Carol had the same problem as Steve but if you let Natasha, she would watch you for hours.

When you woke up, it was because Steve was getting out of bed. You glanced at the clock, 4 in the morning. He was getting up for his run, then he'd head out to the tower for another day at the office.

He fucked you again before he left. He had you on top of him, chest to chest, his arms wrapped tight around your back, one hand on the back of your head to hold you to the bend of his neck. He liked to do this with the mirror. He liked holding you flat against him and then watching your ass as he fucked you fervidly. He had become wild and insatiable since the mirror's arrival.

Natasha liked to lay you down, tie your legs to the bedpost, sometimes your arms, and would spend hours teasing you with her mouth. Sometimes, when she knew you weren’t too tired, she would tell you to finger yourself and she would stay next to you and watch in the mirror for as long as you would allow it.

Carol liked making you ride her and you couldn’t deny that was a beautiful scene to watch play out from above. She also liked to turn you away from her, settle directly behind you, drape your leg back over her hip, and fuck you with one of her straps.

They had their shared interests, that was undeniable. You still blushed every time you thought about The Incident. It occurred four months ago. They’d been on a short trip; not even a mission, they’d promised, they’d told you it was more politics than saving the world. The first one you saw when they got back was Carol.

She had texted you while you were out with friends and asked where you were. You informed her that you would be shopping alone after lunch. She joined you because she had a present that she just couldn’t wait. It was a vibrator that she could control from her phone. She never used it while you were walking, concerned that you may actually fall and hurt yourself but if you stopped to look at something or sat down for even a second, it was on.

Natasha had taken you to the restaurant. She told you to go to the bathroom and take off your bra and panties and she handed you her purse to place them in. She made you sit down next to her, slipped the same vibrator inside you, then made you sit on her lap for the entire night. She let you watch her phone, let you know when she was going to speed up or slow down, and all she did the entire night was sip on her wine and keep a tight hold on you so you couldn't move away from her.

Two days later, Steve made you wear it to class. Not ballet class, actual classes where you would be sitting down. It was so random when you would feel it and it was terrifying as he wasn't there. You never knew when or where, or if you were standing up and reading! You wanted to hit him when you got back to your apartment and he was waiting for you. You didn't, but you were really upset. Mostly because he hadn't let you come the entire day.

You wanted to know why? You’d asked, but their answers were dismissive and it wasn’t like you could elaborate on what you actually meant. You weren’t just asking why, you were asking why all three? It was just one of those answers you weren’t going to get while you were still keeping secrets from them.

When Natasha showed up after Steve left, it was two hours before class. You were still in bed checking social media when she slipped under the covers and made you come with her mouth and fingers. You’d taken a shower since Steve left, fortunately.

She kissed up your body and settled on top of you. You undressed her, kissing her bare skin as soon as you exposed it, her arms, her chest, her stomach, her legs, her ass, her cunt. She wanted you on top, grinding against her as she watched in the mirror.

She walked you to class and you fingered her in the dimly lit hallway before she left. She picked you up afterward and made you eat since you simply did not have the time to before class. She walked you home, set up her phone on the table next to the couch, sat down, sat you on top of her, and made you ride her fingers. Sometimes, Natasha wanted videos.

In between your second and third lecture classes, the biggest gap in your day, Carol texted. She picked you up in her car and drove out to some hiking trails that she felt were empty enough. In the back of her car, she had you pressed down to the seats, ass up as she fucked you with her strap. She held the side of your face down against the leather, not so much that it would stifle your screams.

When you finished, she made you clean the seat with your tongue. You could distinctly tell the difference between her taste and yours. She watched you as she removed the strap, taking the dildo and fucking herself with it.

She laid back and let you on top, directing you to sink down on the dildo as it was still buried in her pussy. You didn’t stop taking it until your pussy was against hers, thankfully it wasn’t one of the longer ones in her collection. Leaning over, you used the side of the car to keep your balance. She rose onto her elbows, nipping and sucking at your nipples as you ground your wet center against hers.

This was a regular day, one you had grown to love, one you were completely obsessed with. You were scared. You felt that the likelihood of them all being okay with this was low. But you were not so scared that you would ever lie to them. Withhold information? Sure. Lie? Out of the question.

You'd finally confided in the ballerinas. They'd always known about Natasha because she was at practice all of the time, but you only told half-truths about Steve and Carol. You didn't actually want them to know that you were sleeping with three Avengers. Maybe it was because everyone was drunk, but they promised you that Natasha adored you and she wouldn't leave you.

Okay, but what about Steve and Carol? You were stressed, really stressed. During the preparation period for shows, when training was intense, the ballerinas often went out on Saturdays and got wasted and talked. This was why you were in a loud night club with dancing and alcohol, and no one who was going to stop any of you from getting in trouble.

You were impaired but you were not a bad friend. At the bar, you counted all of your friends. They would likely be leaving with someone as they had all found someone to dance with, you would make the rounds in a minute. It was a rule, if they wanted to leave with a guy, that guy had to give you his number. You would verify it right then and there by sending him a text, then they could be on their way.

It was one in the morning when the girls started leaving. You had a drink at your side and five new names (proven by ID) and numbers saved in your notes.

"That's sweet."

You turned to your left, eyebrows shooting up. Gorgeous blue eyes, long brown hair, and beautiful fair skin. Wanda Maximoff was either sitting right next to you at a bar or you were completely imagining her. Given your drunken state and your current obsession with her, it was possible.

"Well, they don't exactly agree...I read stories about guys and bars and how to avoid getting chopped up into little pieces."

She smiled a little. "Who makes sure you get home?"

"I live close."

She hummed. "Were you heading out?"

Yes, you should say yes. You should leave because this could not happen. You didn't know how to explain that you were sleeping with three of them! And Wanda was wearing this red dress that was really tight and so low cut, so, how would you explain four?!

"Maybe...after I finish my drink."

She eyed your glass for a moment. "I'm Wanda."

"I know. I'm Y/N."

"I think you're the first person who's recognized me all night."

"You're stunning. I don't know how anyone wouldn't recognize you."

She smiled slightly, turning back down to her glass.

There was something so wrong with you. Instead of leaving, you just wanted to sit there and drunkenly flirt, clearly.

"Can I buy you another drink?"

No, say no! "Sure."

It was two drinks later, technically three drinks later, since you finished your drink and then she bought you two more. Things were starting to get...closer. You guys were closer. You'd started out at a normal distance, at least you assumed, but the next thing you realized, you were centimeters away from her.

She had her hand on your arm and she'd stopped ordering drinks. She was ready to leave or almost ready to leave. You hadn't neglected your duties as the best friend. You had 12 names and numbers in your notes but now you were realizing that you were all alone and if you wanted to do something, you could.

You'd talked about yourself a little, the usual. You were a student, you were a ballerina. However, you left the part out about your apparent gambling addiction! She didn't share much and you didn't think that was odd, the others didn't for a long while. They had to be a lot more guarded than you. You completely understood.

Wanda glanced at her phone when the conversation died down, or when you stopped babbling like the intoxicated fool you were, before looking back at you. "Can I be honest with you?"

"Yeah." You should still be saying no. You should try being honest. You should say: I'm sleeping with three of your team members and I should go home. But god, she really was fucking stunning.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"No."

"I do. I have a boyfriend that I love very much...but sometimes, there are things that I want to try. Things that he doesn't want to try."

"Are you...referring to me?" That was a stupid question, you were almost sure. But was she? Was that what you were supposed to be picking up?

She scoffed. "In a sense, yes. I do think you are beautiful and you're nice, and really cute. I want to have sex with you, but it can't be a relationship. My boyfriend is offering me an open arrangement... I'm still with him, very committed, but sometimes...I would like to call you and meet you. Does that sound like something you would be okay with?"

Should you be offended by how many Avengers didn't want to be in a relationship with you at this point? You may end up dwelling on that later, but now, you were thinking about having sex with her. She looked soft and sweet, very unlike Carol, Steve, and Natasha. You weren't saying she was better or worse, it wasn't like you were comparing them to rank them.

You were just acutely aware of the fact that they were so dominant and you were not. Wanda didn't seem to need that so much, she seemed like she would be fine just having sex. Meaningful sex, but not too meaningful. Soft sex, but not boring. In fact, it sounded like she wanted to try something different, and maybe you wanted to also.

So, you said yes. Mostly because it reminded you that Natasha, Steve, and Carol all said they were not able to be in an actual relationship with you. You were getting ahead of yourself, maybe they wouldn't care at all. Maybe it would be a complete non-issue, and you shouldn't miss out on having sex with Wanda if you don't have any proof that they'll react negatively.

She kissed you the first time while you were both still sitting at the bar. After you'd given her your consent, she set her hand to your cheek and pressed her lips to yours. It was all soft lips and tongue, no teeth, no power play. She tasted like alcohol and lip gloss, at least her mouth did. You wanted to know what her pussy tasted like, which you didn't fail to whisper to her when she pulled away.

She immediately took your hand and led you out of the club. It wasn't terribly cold as you waited for the Uber she sent for. She was just a bit taller than you and wrapped her arms around your shoulders as she leaned down again to kiss you. Your hands started at her hips but soon began to roam, her ass, her waist, her back, her shoulders to pull her down closer.

By the time the driver showed, you were both completely flushed and very ready to find a bed. She was taking you to a hotel. You figured that was best, no need to add any more people to the list of individuals who randomly show up at your apartment without calling or texting.

She kept her hand on your thigh the entire drive there but didn't dare move it underneath your dress. Another point of difference between her and her teammates. Any of the others and you would have already finished at least twice.

Getting up to the room was a blur. Thankfully, she did all the talking. You weren't sure how to function under this kind of calm, steady build. It was always fast and immediately, but Wanda was taking her time and making sure everything was how she wanted it.

When you finally got into the room, she didn't bother turning on the light. She curled one arm around you, the other pulling your hair off to the side as she began to kiss your neck. She held you against her as she walked forward. There was a bed that you supposed was big enough, a small bathroom, a sad excuse for a kitchen, a huge window with dirty curtains shining light on the mattress.

None of that really mattered, anyway. She led you closer to the window, stopping only when she wanted to remove your dress. It hit the floor, she peeled the curtain away from the window, and her hands were all over you. "Is this okay? I like the moonlight tonight."

She waited for your confirmation before she ran her hands up and down your sides, a teasing touch before she grabbed your breasts. She was still kissing your neck, gentle and open-mouthed.

You turned your head upward, catching her mouth. She opened her lips for you instantly and you took full advantage of that with a slow but sloppy kiss. Her fingers trailed down from the middle of your chest, straight down your stomach, and all the way to your pussy.

She hummed when she felt you were wet. The brushes against your clit were faint but somehow it was enough, it didn't take long at all for you to unhurriedly fall apart. Your legs were shaking and your mind was even more blurry than before.

You turned to her to slip her out of her dress. You kissed across her collarbone, then over her chest, glancing up as you closed your lips around one of her nipples. Her eyes fluttered shut, her head fell back, and she opened her beautiful mouth to moan.

Your hands on her hips, you directed her to the bed. She sat down first, grabbing your arms to pull you down with her. Your naked skin was flush against hers and all you did for the longest time was kiss. Hands buried in each other's hair, quiet moans and gasps filling the room, all the while just building up to this intense scene.

When you sat up, she remained on her back. She pushed your hair over your shoulders so she could see your chest and your face. She was right about the moonlight, it washed over her so well.

You kissed her chin, off to the side of her jaw, then down her shoulder and arm until you reached her hand. You took it in yours, the same with the other as you lowered onto your knees on the floor, intertwining your fingers. There was no prelude, you simply took her with your mouth.

She cried out your name, arching her back and squeezing your hands. She tasted sweet, smelled musky and a little like vanilla. You kissed down the length of her soaking cunt, sliding your tongue into her entrance.

"Oh, fuck," she gasped. "Do that again."

You obliged, releasing one of her hands so you could rub her clit with your fingers. She took her newly freed hand and grabbed your hair. She pulled you down harder, rolling her hips up slowly, trying to get your tongue in deeper.

Not even a minute later, she was making you aware of her approaching orgasm, "I'm close, suck my clit--please, fuck! Suck my clit."

You ran your tongue through her as you brought your hand down, you closed your lips around her and began to suck hard. You pressed two fingers inside her and pumped them in and out, moaning when you felt her clenching around them.

She was shaky and smiling as you lazily licked her through her finish. She pulled you up as soon as her brain was working enough to tell her arms to pull you up. "And how do I taste?"

"Amazing."

She smirked.

You had to figure her boyfriend wasn't much for going down on her since she was looking at you like you were the reason the sun would rise tomorrow morning.

You laid on top of her but she quickly rolled over, legs slotting so you could grind against one another's thigh. Her slick center against your skin was almost enough to make you finish. Again, her mouth was on yours and nothing was hurried. You canted your hips, catching your clit on her soft leg, and she did the same.

Soon, your hips started to gain speed, you were close and could tell she was, too. The sounds of wet pussy slapping against thigh nearly drowned out the desperate screams and whines you both made.

You completely soaked her thigh with your orgasm. As she continued pursuing hers, she reached down, hand gliding between you and her wet skin. She brought her fingers up to her mouth, humming and sucking on them. "I can't wait to have you sit on my face." Then she closed her eyes, her hips stuttered, and your leg felt much hotter.

She didn't waste any time at all, she rolled back over and hauled you on top of her. Your hips jerked when you pressed against her, still sensitive from the last finish. She didn't seem to mind, she just placed both hands on your hips and moved you relentlessly against her.

"Hands behind your back, lean onto the mattress," she instructed.

You quickly did so, relieved to have some type of balance.

She loved watching your breasts bounce this way, loved watching your eyes roll to the back of your head. And she especially loved when you sat up again to grab her hands, an attempt to pull away from the overstimulation. She didn't allow it, she kept her grip tight and pulled you in faster as she rolled her hips up.

#natasha romanoff x reader #steve rogers x reader #carol danvers x reader #will tag the fourth a little later bc i believe in surprises #my writing

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