#idk what the fuck i'm doing honestly i'm still tired from this weekend and stuff

[pollyna]

au: Iceman lives but he's still doing chemio, Mav and Slider have a kind of hate/hate/love relationship but when it comes to their mutual friend they pair up faster than you could ever believed. Oh, and Hondo is fuckin' smart, he follows Mav from job to job because he likes to go around and meet new people and have new challenges everytime, before he gets bored.

Warning for homophobic assholes, angst, slurs and not enough punching.

Sunny outside doesn't mean Maverick is happy. This fucking new place where they moved the base is always sunny and he would appreciate it if heat could give them a little breath because it's just the end of march and they already have to switch on the air conditioner and that made Tom get cold again. It's never a good day when his husband gets sick because of stupid stuff it could be avoided. Better yet, it is never going to be a good day until a cold won't degenerate into fever and long nights fighting sleep and nightmares.

He fucking misses Miramar, their favourite spot on the beach and the gentle old lady who used to spend the afternoon with Ice playing cards, watching stupid telenovelas and keeping him company when Maverick had to be elsewhere.

The new class isn't helping his mood either. The best of the best and a new brand of fucking assholes who doesn't listen to him, makes him want to punch everybody in the face and likes Cyclone a little too much for his, and Hondo's, taste. Hondo not liking an entire class says much, especially after three years of teaching at TOPGUN and the number of years the man himself spend working with many different kinds of people in every program the brass moved him to.

If on a normal and sunny day Maverick would have just let it slide and got back to them making the exercise just a little more difficult to complete, today he just can't, not again and not after what he heard while walking in his classroom. Skylab is the first voice he hears but Viking is the one who answers and the deafening silence from the others doesn't help. It hurts a bit when not even Empress, the only decent person and a very good pilot, says something.

The brass let a faggot like Kazansky win this stupid fucking price and then made him Admiral. Who knows how many favours he had to do just to enter the Navy.

Probably not as many he had to do all these years to save Captain Mavsshole. Probably he has AIDS and not even cancer but they are just too ashamed, to tell the truth, or everyone would ask too many questions.

Pete has to count until ten and then until a hundred and then another time until a hundred before taking another step. He knows all his seeing, and hearing, is just blind rage and it could make it worst, probably ending up in prison or in the hospital and then Ice should get up to fetch him and he isn't in the state to do anything, he shouldn't do anything if not get better. He counts from one hundred to zero a third time, takes a deep breath and thinks he can handle this without resulting in homicide and a dishonourable discharge from the Navy and leaving so much mess to clean to Carlos and David. He likes them and he likes having lunch with them. So no to punch because then his husband should come for him and he can't, no to kill or he's going to lose two friends but he can't act as if nothing happened. So he'll have to think about what to do and they're going to regret even letting their own brain think about something like that.

The punishment arrives in town under the shape of one Ron Slider Kerner who decided to come around to see his best friend and spent time making Maverick's week a complete hell. Or maybe not.

When he comes back home that same night Slider is already around, sitting on the couch, talking with Ice about something and someone who got married down in Cali and people Mav doesn't know. Tom looks a little better and just that makes the day a little less heavy, when they kiss hello he can feel his husband's hands around his face and their grip is stronger every day and that would have made his knees give up and cry a little because it was such a close call this time he almost can't still believe this man, four starts admiral Tom Iceman Kazansky, is still alive and fighting and kissing him when he comes back home. Then Slider cough and oh, oh man now he knows what to do and how to make that bunch of assholes pay. They're going to hell without moving a step and they're blissful unaware of what it's waiting for them.

He has to wait after dinner after Ice is in bed and Slider is tidying around because he lived with Ice too and took some of his husband freakish habit when it comes to have a spotless kitchen in a spotless house. So Slider, I have a favour to ask he announces once he's back in front of him and Slider's smirk is a very knowing one. And so the game begins.

Wednesday morning is a little cooler than Tuesday and Ice's cold seems a less intense. He takes Slider with him because he must see the new state of art place where he's working he says to Ice and his husband laughs and looks like he's sayin' I know something is going on, be careful babe. 

The class is already sitting in their usual spots, a pilot and their RIO every row, and they look at them walking in with the most confused expression ever. Oh, you don't have the slightest idea of what is going to happen now. 

Class this is Captain Ron Kerner, callsign Slider, he was Admiral Kazansky's RIO for most of their years in the air and he's going to teach you a couple of things this week. He worked around a little bit, after he stop flying, went to DC, decided to put his ass on a chair and then went back in combat with some very tough dudes who taught him a thing or two. He's here for a visit and, over dinner, I was thinking it would have been so nice to have him over to teach you something new. He was so happy to accept. 

Slider is subtle in what he does and how he does his work, he learned it following Ice around during his first years in his Admiral carrier and perfect the rest working on his own projects at the Pentagon and around DC. He takes the all class up in the sky at five am, makes them run miles every time their manoeuvres aren't exactly by the book, gives homework and books to read, checks their rooms and confiscated their alcohol and cigarettes, and takes them to the veteran home and forgets them there for a whole day because he has to take Ice to try the new ice cream place, then comes back at eight in the evening, makes them run again, questions them about politics and tactics and makes them running a little more. But the worst is the inactivity: after spending days moving around like the world is going to end the second next to this one, he makes them sit in class st five-thirty in the morning and makes them wait. For an hour, then two and then three. It's eight-thirty and Slider is strolling in the classroom looking like someone who had the best sleep and coffee in his life while every single student is dying to sleep, drink something other than water and, generally, their poor brains are begging do something. Good morning class, today we have a nine-hour lecture, so get ready to have your world shake and you're going to learn stuff you're never going to forget.

Almost ten hours later, a break of thirty minutes around midmorning and Slider smiles and announces, candied as the day his parents baptized him, that everything has a reason in this life and a day of lectures on the culture of queer people, slurs, AIDS and flying is the bare minimum they deserve and he's going to make sure no one's name is going to end of the plaque because they don't deserves such an honour, or any honor, when they can't give the basic respect to a human, let alone to one of their superiors. And yes, every single one of them is going to get back in flight school, even if it will cost Slider and Maverick all the favours they have to ask, and not isn't just because of the comment on Admiral Kazansky, that was only the last straw and yes Viking you can call the President of the United States for all I care.

It's Wednesday again, it's raining outside, Maverick is making pancakes for three people, he doesn't have to go to work because he doesn't have a new class for at least another month and a half, Slider is looking around as if he was the king of the world and Ice is trying really hard not to ask what his husband and best friend did. He's going to read a report, a couple of days later, very detailed about everything that happened but by then Slider will be back in DC and Maverick will be fussing about taking a walk and looking to adopt a cat and starting a new hobby that will get them out of the house every time they can.

For now, Tom enjoys the pace and some delicious pancake, while Mav and Slider finish forging a strange new alliance, signed over the promise of mutual help and no question asked when needed.

[wyrdify]

This is my brain right now. I am burnt out. Beyond it, really. Both my husband and I are. Ramble below cut because I'm just... I need to vent.

My husband works 50 hour weeks with a boss who does not show up most days, yells at him a lot over the phone, isn't clear about what he wants, and is overall abusive. The person who brought my husband into the company takes credit for the work he dumps onto my husband and doesn't come in half the time. Never mind the other issues he deals with on a daily basis. He comes home exhausted every day, and his weekends don't leave him much time to recoup that energy (especially since at least one of our friends likes to ask for help every weekend). To say my husband is looking for other work is an understatement. Y'all know my job. It's part-time, pays minimum wage, corporate thinking it was a good idea to use gifts instead of raises or bonuses, has shit communication with management, is stressful as fuck, et cetera. It sucks. It's sucked for years. I hate it. It makes me cry and rage nearly every time I have to sign into work. Getting out is difficult because it's convenient for me to work from home and not spend money on gas. Plus, my car currently needs a bearing fixed, and it means I can't drive on the highway. I did apply for a part-time job as a library assistant, but I have very little faith in it going anywhere. Working on getting my master's degree in library science is complicated because my past loans are in default, so my husband and I are gonna work on that this weekend when we have time. This is on top of trying to deal with my mental health shit: needing to change systems (which means changing providers, going on wait lists, etc), trying to ensure I have little to no breaks in my actual care, chasing down diagnoses for myself, maybe trying out new therapy... yeah. I will admit to dragging my feet because it honestly sucks that I have to do this, but someone's gotta. I'm just so tired, y'all. It took me months to beat TotK when it normally wouldn't have. I am so tired all the time. I had to work on my birthday, and I could barely enjoy that actual day. The day after was better since I got to get stuff pierced, and I got to go see Barbie, but I still feel... I dunno. Maybe it's depression talking along with the fact that I don't ever handle my birthday well (what is an appropriate amount of attention to receive vs is it even okay to mention it vs is it okay to want attention). I cannot stand my own brain. Anyway, before I keep dissociating, that's just an update. Husband and I are burnt out. I just wanted to vent. I may delete it later. idk my bff jill

[the-force-awakens]

I was tagged by @alwritey-aphrodite to do this, thank you hon!

Favorite time of the year: autumn, ofc! it's the time of year where the weather is bearable, where you can feel the significance and potential in the air like magic, and it's the time of year I feel the most like myself.

Comfort food: grilled cheese has a soft spot to be sure, but also mac n cheese too. and pastas! mm. pizza is good too.

Favorite dessert: apple or pumpkin pie! I'm not big on desserts because I don't have a big sweet tooth but my god I will go to bat for pie. Walmart had NEITHER the last time we were there and I consider this a personal fucking offense.

Things you collect: anything to do with poe dameron tbh, stuff about england, books on the paranormal, and pops!

Favorite drink: irish breakfast tea, water (basic, I know, and we're out of bottled water so I'm suffering bc the Taste Of the Tap Water Isn't Pleasant For My Autism), sweet tea, coca cola (hi space mom), lemonade, HOT COCOA BELOVED I need to get some, and root beer. Also I had some cool blue Gatorade last week and forgot how damn good it is so that too.

Favorite musical artist: florence + the machine, queen, imagine dragons, halsey and taylor swift are probably the ones I have most songs on spotify for. but atm it's definitely f+tm

Last song you listened to: willow tree march by the paper kites (I'm listening to my fall playlist! I'm very soft for this song bc i discovered it the same time I met my current group of friends back in 2017 here in tumblr dot com so it reminds me of all them).

Last movie you watched: multiverse of madness and it was so fucking good, so much better than I was expecting? I like that it felt like a comic book movie and the horror elements of course I ate up. I love that they didn't try to water down the ridiculousness of a comic story to make it more palatable for neurotypical mainstream audiences. It looks, sounds, and is paced like a comic book and I fucking loved it. Let Raimi do more movies!!!!!!!!!!

Last series you watched: *error noises* my memory isn't good. I'm pretty sure it was Moon Knight though because I rewatched The Friendly Type again last weekend because I was sick and needed the comfort lmfao. Last one I watched all the way through was, again, Moon Knight because I rewatched it with my mom (it was her first time watching it). Before that, I watched the first season of only murders in the building :')

Series you’re currently watching: well we were watching s2 of omitb but my folks got tired of it ldndksksl. I might try to finish it but idk yet? Aside from that, I'm still painstakingly making my way through the west wing (Josh Lyman I WILL kick my executive dysfunction for u)

Current obsession: *glances at my blog* I think it's kind of obvious nfjdfhd. Moon Knight is definitely one of my biggest spins right now, alongside Poe and the sequels. I think at this point I have to admit to myself that Oscar Isaac's filmography has slid a little ways from 'hyperfixation' to possible 'spin' as well. That guy's like catnip for the asd crowd and also the asexuals what's up with that.

Dream place to visit: so many places are you kidding? England, New York, New Orleans, and Rome!!

A place you’ve been you want to go back to: there's a comic store about an hour drive away that has sO MANY FUCKING COMICS IT HAS SO MANY BACK ISSUES but we haven't been in absolute y e a rs and honestly I want to go there so badly again and flip through the back issues and maybe find some mk stuff 👀

Something you want: currently a nap because I couldn't sleep last night lmfao. I'd also like to get to read more of seraphina bc I keep. saying I will and getting distracted (same goes with princess and scoundrel), snuggles, and pops of Marc & Steven to put by my bed...my heroes.

Currently working on: is it really fucking cheesy to just say myself? It's been a difficult year of really struggling to process the amount of bad that happened in such a short timespan for me (one of my pets passed away in january, I got and then promptly lost a job bc I was hoh), and the depression hit bad. I'm just a little bit proud of myself for where I am now (standing up for myself more, being more cautious with my energy & time), but I still have more to work on terms of really beginning to move on and find confidence in myself again and accept all the parts of me, even the oddest neurodivergent things about myself.

I tag: the usual mutuals, if they wanna do it <3

[keiscait]

hey, may i please request a bedroom matchup LOL 😏

she/her, bisexual (men over women (unless it's a big tittie goth gf)

sagittarius sun and virgo rising

ravenclaw 😏

sexual: i like being the top. call me mommy LOL. i also like being topped, i have a major knife kink 😏 im in charge most of the time, however it can change every now and then. when i'm the bottom i want my partner to spit in my mouth 🧎‍♀️ neck and ear bites plz 😏 i'm very vocal 👹👹

things i look for in a partner:

-LOYALTY!!1!1!2!2'

-has to have a good sense of humor

-chill

-very understanding

personality: i'm very outgoing and friendly to most people, but i keep my friend group small. i'm the loud friend of the group and i'm always trying my best to make my friends laugh. i say really weird things at the most random times and i often look really high so people think i'm on something. i'm a good leader though and take charge in the three sports i'm in. (i'm varsity captain in one of my sports!!)

appearance:

plans for future: i'm currently a senior in high school and i plan on going into the national guard or air force when i graduate :). the military will pay for college and i plan on either going into the criminal justice field or information technology field :p

music taste: literally everything except for country. you can catch me listening to dr dre, schoolboy q, blackstreet, and kendrick lamar one minute and then queen the next. i also love my female rap artists 👏👏 90s rock and rnb are also a must. i listen to 00's club music on a regular 😏

Hello and welcome, my dearest Bri! AND ADVANCED HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Wish I could bake you a cake, but all I can do is send some love (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* Let’s get right to it then! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who we have here, hon!

Suna Rintarou! (Runner up: Kageyama Tobio)

Suna here has a really cold and icy demeanor, which I think has to be balanced out by outgoing people (like the Miya twins). He likes to act like this dark and brooding person, but deep down, he’s actually just a little gremlin like most of us. 

- Okay okay, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I already know that you’re a Suna stan, but I genuinely could not think of anybody who matches your personality description better, the two of you would just be *aggressive chefs kiss*

- I’m kinda getting an enemies-to-lovers-ish vibe with this dynamic, but also like a partners-in-crime-to-lovers type of deal. Either way, it’ll start out a little bit chaotic

- Has a crush on you immediately, I just KNOW it, but he won’t realize this until later on, and may even totally deny it to himself

- He doesn’t really know when exactly he starts catching feelings for you, but the realization probably hits him when he sees you going about your daily activities

- You could be doing any of your extra curriculars - basketball, track, or marching band - and he sees how much you enjoy it, or maybe even after you just said one of your random thoughts. Whatever makes him feel like he’s getting to know you a little bit better

- it’s when you laugh right after, and suddenly he feels like he’s just been spiked a ball in the face, and he just audibly goes “ah shit.”

- Has no fucking clue what to do at first KDHFKSJHL someone pls help him!!!

- He ends up being a little awkward when he tries to do anything about it, and it’ll all just feel so unnatural HAHAH

- “Let me carry your bag” “No Rin it’s fine I can--” *pries your bag from your hands with way too much force*

- in his mind he’s like “Ah yes that went perfectly 😌”

- he tries to communicate his feelings in little ways like this, hoping you’ll catch on

- No, Suna Rintarou, poking fun at someone is not a declaration of love, but nice try!

- he’ll get so frustrated if you don’t catch on (or maybe you do, and you just want him to say something first), and eventually will straight up yell tell you how he feels

- once you two are together, he’ll still try to act he’ll try to keep up his icy exterior, but trust me, he’s completely whipped for you

- SHARED PLAYLISTS!!!!

- Appreciates that you keep your friend group small, because at the end of the day, he’s still a pretty reserved guy

- Admires your leadership qualities, and will not be insecure and toxic about it, despite what other people believe. He honestly wishes he could be more like you, in that sense

- He’ll be your # 1 fan in everything you do. Will support whatever it is that you want to achieve, and will cut any bitch who tries to get in your way

- boy is in LOOOOOVE

- If he ever gets mad or annoyed at you, just give him the smallest peck on his cheek, and he’ll be all putty in your hands again

- Likewise, I think he’d be so good at making you blush too. It’s not all the time that he does this, but when he does, it’s 1000000% effective

- A FRICKING TEASE SKJDHFDSJFGLSGJ CHANGE MY MIND

- Honestly I love this dynamic so much that I wanna make him your bedroom matchup too, but I feel like that would be a cop out 

~

You were exhausted.

It was never easy juggling all the activities that you took part in - each of them was truly a labor of love. Today was particularly draining because it was, after all, your birthday, and it just HAD TO fall on a weekday. You plonked on your bed and started scrolling through your phone.

Your tight-knit group of friends continued to send you birthday wishes, despite having already done so when you saw them earlier that day. They had sung to you and let you blow out a birthday candle - it was all they could do, given your busy schedules. You looked forward to the weekend you had planned with them and your boyfriend, Rintarou.

Speaking of Rin, you thought to yourself, as a message notification from him popped up.

- You’re already home, right?

- Yeah! Just got here. So tired

- That’s too bad. I was gonna ask you to open the door for me but I guess I’ll just go home

You ran to your front door faster than you expected you could manage, and there stood Suna, a balloon and a box of pizza in hand. He pretended to walk away slowly, making you giggle before you grabbed him and dragged him inside.

He pressed a soft kiss to your temple. “Happy birthday, babe.”

You were giddy, not expecting him to show up. “I thought we were gonna wait til the weekend for my celebration??” 

“Do you not know me by now?” he chuckled. “As if I’d let today pass without doing anything about it.”

You smiled and looked at him for a few seconds. He rarely looks so sincere, and so warm, and you just wanted to drink up every last drop of this moment.

He teased, “But y’know, I guess if you’re too tired, I can totally scarf down this pizza by myself.”

You groaned before dragging him to your room and setting up the playlist you guys worked on together, getting ready for a night in.

~

I hope that was alright, bb! Let’s make our way to the bedroom now ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

For some private time, I’ve invited over...

Oikawa Tooru! (Runner up: Suna Rintarou)

Despite how other people believe he’s a dom, I think he’d be a switch, at best. I think in the bedroom, he’d love to let his partner take control, just as much as loves having his way with them.

- What really gets this fucker going is pleasing people - and who would he love to please more than his s/o?

- He loves how your confidence translates into your bedroom behavior

- I headcanon that he easily falls apart in bed, and would gladly do so for his partner 

- He is s e n s i t i v e. Touch him, kiss him, grab him EVERYWHERE

- LOUD, but a lot of it is trying to get his partner to be even louder

- How does this man have both a praise kink and a degradation kink? Idk but I’m so sure he has both

- Would be totally onboard with your knife kink. He’s super into sensory play

- Speaking of which

- BLINDFOLD HIMMMM SKDJHFSDJFK THAT WOULD BE A SIGHT TO BEHOLD

- Once you ask him to take charge, I think he would still be a service dom

- Knows all your sensitive spots. Made sure to take note of them so that he can get you back for all the times you hit his sweet spots

- Loves mouth stuff. His mouth. Your mouth. Putting stuff in them. Tongue stuff. Loves all of it

- Great at aftercare, just a bit flashy with it. Kind of makes a show of what he’s doing but in the most adorable way

- Delicate with how he handles you after. Or if you’re the one giving him aftercare, would praise you the whole time

- Will hold you til you fall asleep 🥺

~

As a little extra gift, I wanted to give you a dressing room matchup too! 

I think your gorgeous face would look SO GOOD with...

Miya Atsumu! WHAT AN INSANELY GOOD LOOKING COUPLE YOU WOULD MAKE

~

That’s it for now, darling! I hope that was worth all the waiting you did. Thank you for being such a wonderful housemate - don’t hesitate to chat with me anytime. Advanced happy birthday again! (੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭*

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #15: August 22, 2021

Dollar Tree is honestly pretty fucking awesome 👌👌👌

I set my alarm for like 6:25 this morning, but it took 6 minutes for the "Horsin' Around" theme song instrumental to wake me up. I was pretty tired lol. I just dismissed it and went back to sleep.

I only went back to sleep because I knew I had another alarm set for 7:00. That got me up.

I should mention that this was still in the RV over an hour away from the house.

After I got up, I went to go get a shower, and did so successfully.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten my brush this time and had to do it afterwards after my hair had a bit of time to dry, which did make it a little more difficult lol.

I got dressed and grabbed my stuff, putting it into my car.

I made it a point to see and say "see you later" to my grandparents before I left for the flea market.

My dad insisted that I stayed to say goodbye to my mom, so I left.

I did NOT have cell service up there, as was mentioned in my previous 2 blogs of which I could only post today, so finding my way was a tiny bit difficult until I got some service to ask Google to take me to "...".

It worked and I got there.

On my drive, I listened to 1 by Simple Kid, a CD I had previously purchased at a Dollar Tree location.

I got a call from the guy at the flea market saying that I had some people there waiting for me. He asked how far away I was, to which I said "about 10 minutes." Ironically, that call made me miss my exit, as Google couldn't talk during the call, and added about 3 minutes to my arrival time lmao.

I did sell the Xbox that he said someone was interested in. I got $40 for it. I spent 27¢ on it. Pretty good return if you ask me.

I couldn't sell it with anything other than a power cord because the controller and AV cables I had been using to play it there were for my personal console. I'm just glad I can actually hook my Xbox up and stop having to drag them to the flea market along with a small library of games.

Not too long after I sold the Xbox, someone came in and asked if I wanted to see some electronics he had in his car. I went out with him. It was a pair of 3ft speakers and a Pioneer audio system with dual cassette decks (although neither of them works) and a 25 Disc CD-changer, as well as the standard AM/FM tuner. Additionally, there was a Fisher amplifier and AM/FM tuner as well as a Fisher Direct Drive turntable. He said he wanted $60 for em, but before that he casually, and probably accidentally, dropped that he was just gonna take em to the thrift store.

Big mistake.

I got em for $35 lmao. THERE GOES MOST OF MY PROFIT.

Oh well.

I tested everything. As I mentioned, the cassette decks don't work, but everything else does apart from the turntable needing a new stylus.

I posted some new photos of the shop to Facebook, and someone soon DMed me about a stereo system.

I priced everything, and it turns out I have about $300 worth of equipment from that deal, the Fisher amp and tuner being worth about $150.

The buyer will hopefully show up next weekend, for he wants to buy the Fisher stuff ($185 with the turntable), the 3ft speakers, an 8-track deck, and a Kenwood deck we've had for a week or two.

The speakers are listed for $50 (and are worth around $100-150), the Kenwood Deck for $50 as well, and the 8-track for $35. That makes it about $320 in equipment. Since he's buying so much, I'll knock it down to $270 and essentially give him the speakers or cassette deck for free lol.

Apart from that stuff, not much happened at the flea market. I sold some records, cassettes, CDs and I think 2 DVDs. One person bought a VHS tape? That money was the other guy's though. Oh well xD.

I can't say that I didn't miss my wonderful partner while on the trip. I actually brought along the stuffed animal they gave me (who's name is Greg) and snuggled with him both nights.

I was very happy to hear from them UwU.

They let me rant and I let them rant.

I honestly give them too much responsibility over me xD. I'm like, "Okay, I'm gonna do this. HOLD ME TO IT."

I know I can't hold myself to anything I personally say (this blog being the only exception apparently), but I listen to them pretty well I think 🤔. If they tell me, "No, you don't need that VCR," so long as it's not some weird specialty thing, like a worldwide VCR 🥵, I'll be like "Yeah, you rite bro."

I love you man xD. You control my craziness pretty well. I'm so thankful for you UwU.

#relationshipgoals

So part way through the flea market day, I went over to Dollar Tree to buy some snack, but ended up looking through the CDs to see if there was anything good. I took photos of about 18 CDs and flipped through them online for the remainder of the flea market day.

I deleted the photos of the ones I didn't want and kept those that I liked. Surprisingly, I ended up buying 13 CDs there, but not before dropping them on the floor like the dumbass I am.

Also, sorry for all the nerd shit I spilled on your lap earlier. No one cares about amps and tuners xD.

I'M LISTENING TO ONE OF THE DOLLAR TREE CDS RIGHT NOW THO.

I already transferred over to my online library on iBroadcast and put the disc into my CD changer, which is now holding 164 CDs.

Its max capacity is 300 discs 🥵

WHY AM I NERD

Oh well

I like being a nerd gurl

Also maybe a technosexual 👀

I get really excited over some electronics. Like. REALLY excited.

Some editing VCRs are like "Holy shit that is SEXY. Look at those goddamn VU meters 🥵. And hhhh there are like 7 inputs on this thing and individual controls for left and right audio gain, not to mention Hi-Fi S-VHS recording. Hhhhhhhhhhh please gimme 😭. Why are you so expensive?"

I uh, mean, uh, *cough* look, pretty lights.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say the album I was listening to xD. MAN I GOT SIDETRACKED.

It's 37 Everywhere by Punchline. Def give it a listen; it's pretty heccin good.

Another notable album I picked up was Page One by Steven Page. I very much like the first track, "A New Shore." It's quite catchy and he has a great voice imo.

Also at dollar tree, I bought a regular bag of Fieras and 2 bags of Fieras Sticks, which were marked down to 75¢/bag because they're expiring soon.

I honestly like the generic Dollar Tree version of Takis more than actual Takis. They're a lot more flavorful when it comes to the lime, but also hotter at the same time.

Don't get the hot nacho ones tho. Hot nacho? More like hot pile of shit.

HAH

Goteem.

They're not that good xD.

THE REGULAR ONES ARE FIRE THO

"How do you do fellow kids?"

I got home and started working on putting the CDs onto my computer, and then onto iBroadcast, but not without first adding The Music Man to my digital library, something I had neglected for a month or two. The CD had just been sitting there lol.

I also switched my digital file for "The Black Parade" to that of the uncensored CD, which I had purchased before I event started working over 2 months ago.

MAN I'M LAZY

I eventually get around to shit tho lol. I guess it's just a matter of priority.

What usually takes priority is digging through everything to find something that I forgot about but then remembered, making a mess in the process that I would then have to clean up, at least partially.

I think the album just ended. I've been writing for a while xD. I'ma start "I Made You Something" by The Island of the Misfit Toys.

I'll tell you where that album came from in a minute.

In the meantime, where was I?

I kinda lost my train of thought despite reading up to see where I was. Oh well. On I go.

I ate dinner and kept working on those CDs, eventually putting my clothes from the week into the washer.

I FORGOT TO PUT MY SHAPING UNDERWEAR IN. FUCKING HELL MAN.

I wanted to wash em for this week 😭

No tight pants for Leonna I guess qwq.

Meanwhile, the box of my CD album cases is overflowing. I need another box.

I keep all of the album artworks in a big CD folder. That's almost full.

I wanna fill my entire CD changer. That's one of my big goals in life. Idk why, but I just wanna legitimately fill the entire thing.

My clothes are in the dryer now. I don't think I have the time (or energy) to fold them tonight. I'll leave that for tomorrow morning before work.

And God. Fucking. Damnit. I start school again on Wednesday. NOT looking forward to that, and neither are my 2 coworkers. We already have low enough staff, but only the two of them working is gonna be a pain in the ass.

I'll still work Saturdays.

I need to contact my guidance counselor to get out of the gym class I signed up for. I scheduled this shit before I found out I was trans, and I don't wanna deal with the fucking locker room situation 🙄 I have far more important matters.

Okay so anyway, the album I'm listening to came from a cassette. I bought this cassette a few months ago at the flea market along with a few others. The reason I bought them? They were all newer cassette releases from the 2010's, and they're all actually pretty good music from very indie bands.

Currently getting mad at iBroadcast's compression algorithm. It's unnaturally fucking anything over -10db up. Oh well, there's not really anything I can do about it.

I have like 13GB of music on my phone btw. That's about 3.5k songs on 268 albums.

I'm kind of an audiophile, but I'm too cheap to pay for a lossless service. Oh well.

They do actually have a lossless service on iBroadcast, but once again, too cheap.

Someone just sent me a friend request who legitimately posted that BLM and the democratic party are hate groups.

BLOCK.

Goodbye ho.

I don't get that. They call the democratic party a hate group when they hate people like me, and I, being more of a democrat although not fully because the 2-party system is fucked, think nothing more of them than they're very wrong about certain things, especially, as shown, that black people, as well as asian, Indian, native, and people of all ethnicities and backgrounds, are not equal to white people.

Yeh.

Totally.

You go buddy.

Anyway, yeah, I can, and do, convert music and video from analog formats to digital files in order for me to archive and listen to whenever and wherever I please. I've actually made a bit of a business out of it, but I don't get too much work from it. At least I'm not overloading myself xD.

I honestly have so much more to say, but I should probably go to sleep soon.

A few final shoutouts to the following people and companies:

-Dollar Tree

-Steven Page

-Broken World Media

-The Island of Misfit Toys

-Simple Kid

-Punchline

-My incredible partner QwQ I love you so much. Thanks for being the best all the time. I hope I can give you the best life ever.

Anyway I suppose this is goodnight. Lmk if you want a full list of the CDs I bought today! I'll link that song by Steven Page here.

And here's a good song from Simple Kid

I really like music lol. Enjoy these pieces.

Anyway, goodnight lol.

Lots of love,

-Leonna.

[kfawkes]

alright get up here with Taron (I'm not sure if you do actors but it would be lovely if you did :) x

[Hi! I’ve been sitting on this for awhile… and I apologize for that!!! I know I’ve made posts/comments on how I don’t really write for celebrities… and I really don’t lol, but I have said that I would be open to making exceptions… so here I am lol, making an exception XD 

It’s pretty short and quick though, and I really don’t know Taron as a person so it’s a little harder/awkward for me to write for/as him… where as Eggsy I super connect with and feel like I know him so well SO ITS SO EASY TO BE EGGSY!!!! But… anyway off topic lol. This is pretty fluffy and Colin makes an appearance hahah. Hope you like it my kind sweet and patient anon!

Pairing: Taron Egerton x Reader 

Warnings: mild cursing.

About: You’re a makeup artist on the set of Kingsman 2!!! Why? Because idk. I can :P ]

It didn’t take long for you to realize just how amazing Taron was. It was one thing to see him on the big screen acting cheeky as fuck as Eggsy, but another to witness it first hand. Not only was he charming as all hell, but had a smile that lit up the room, with eyes even brighter than that… and to top it off he had a killer personally, and his terrible jokes never failed to make you laugh. 

Which to be clear only made your crush worse. A whole lot worse… 

It was normal to have a tiny crush on some random celebrity you’d never meet– it was even to be expected, and had you known a few months ago that you’d be working alongside yours, you may have tried to mentally prepare yourself… But could you really prepare yourself for something like this? 

The answer was no, you really couldn’t.

When you got the call that you’d be doing lead makeup on Kingsman: The Golden Circle you just about pissed your pants while simultaneously crying and mumbling in attempts to form any sentences other than ‘ohmygod’ or ‘is this real life???’ and even now over 4 months into filming you could still hardly believe it. 

You were a nobody in the industry. A nothing, fresh out of school with only indies under your belt, yet here you were–

“Mornin, Y/n,” a familiar voice purred softly behind you, and in that moment like every moment before you felt a warm wave wash over you as you jumped in surprise. 

“How are you?” he voice continued stepping forward.

“Sneaking up on people is super creepy, Taron…” You spun around with a smile when he laughed; pulling your hand to your hip as you tilted your head slightly eyeing him as secretively as you could, and god damn if he didn’t look just like a dream. 

“Right. Think Colin mighta mentioned that actually…” 

You smiled to your feet then tried to look busy– moving stuff around, organizing things you’d already well… organized. “To answer your question, I’m good. Veeeery tired, but good… what about you? Busy night?” 

“Nah, just stayed in and watched something… was quite lovely actually.” he answered dropping his bags to the side not breaking your gaze once. He watched closely as you fidgeted with your makeup brushes; enjoying the cute nervous mannerisms you displayed.

“Good… I’m glad. You deserve a break.” You paused nodding as you placed your makeup kit to your waist. “Alright then get up here, and let’s see what I can do with this mess…” you offered a wink– which was ballsy you had to admit, but you were just so comfortable with him, maybe too comfortable now that you thought about it… then signaled to the chair for him to sit. 

He nodded lightly then complied not saying a word. 

Today seemed different some how. Like Taron was different… and now you could swear he was staring at you in the mirrors reflection as you styled his hair. 

You tried not to smile… to hold it back, but you felt it slipping just like the pink now decorating your cheeks. This of course he noticed as well, and in that moment he looked to his hands and pursed his lips as if in thought. 

You bit your lip lightly trying to push away that feeling; knowing there’d be no chance in hell his thoughts would be about you… In that moment you reminded yourself he was miles out of your league… that he was just nice– friendly. Charming, kind and considerate, but not into you.

“Turn around then.” You set your hand lightly to his shoulder after a brief pat, but he didn’t move. A  moment later you narrowed your eyes, trying to figure out what that look could possibly mean– Had he not heard you? “We don’t have all day do we? Pretty sure Matthew wanted you ready, oh…” you paused looking at an imaginary watch at your wrist. “15 minutes ago?”

Taron smiled this time, softer than the one he usually gave you but it was just as pure and sweet. He didn’t say anything yet, his face still lined as if he were debating something or having an argument quietly with himself. He did however turn in place finally, and when he ended his eyes looked up at you almost affectionately. 

That look was jarring… intoxicating even, and in that moment you almost forgot why you were there at all. You just looked at him, and he just looked at you. 

He smiled again, but this time he held admiration behind those azure eyes and maybe even something else… but you couldn’t think about that right now, because you had work to do and how does one even figure out what a look like that meant? Not like you could just ask him…

You finished the little that needed doing, then instructed him to turn around to bask in your masterpiece. Which… honestly wasn’t much aside from a few cuts and bruises but he acted woefully impressed as he eyed your handiwork with a wide smile. 

That smile distracted you so much you hadn’t even realized you’d set your hands on both of his shoulders. That you’d been holding them there lightly while you laughed together… but a few seconds later he raised his brows, locking eyes with yours in the reflection once more. 

It only took a split second for you to realize you were STILL touching him, and your face turned about awkwardly as you began lifting them, turning a darker shade of rose; mind rushing with anxiety as you realized the inappropriateness of it all… But before you could remove one of your hands, he slid his up and across his chest; resting it on yours, and locking your hand to his shoulder. 

You stopped suddenly with jaw laid open lightly; eyes still transfixed on his, and saying you had no idea what to do or say didn’t really cover it… so you didn’t do or say anything at all. You just stood there as he ran his thumb lightly over the back of your hand with the softest smile you’d ever seen slipping the corners of his mouth.

“Ahhh, good morning Taron… Y/n.” Colin said as he stepped into the trailer with a wide smile. If he noticed what was happening between you two, he hadn’t yet let on– He just held his jacket in one hand and a large cup of coffee in the other looking oblivious and chipper as ever.

The second he spoke you pulled back from Taron as he turned in his chair to face his old friend with a welcoming smile. You hadn’t done so smoothly of course, but Colin was polite enough not to acknowledge your falter and went on as if nothing happened at all.

“Hello to you too… we just finished up. I’ll see you both in a bit.” Taron stood then, and as he passed Colin he gave his shoulder a friendly squeeze and made his way towards the door. 

Colin walked towards you after a moment, ready to offer other pleasantries on your past weekend, but you were still focused on Taron and whatever the hell that was…

You shot your eyes to the door just before he exited the trailer. He was already looking at you, and tossed you that smile… that perfect smile as he stepped down and out leaving you with a warm feeling you would never forget and a fistful of questions.

[traumaticexperiences]

Anonymous: I'm scared- 16 years old

My whole life has been pretty good compared to others. My parents have given me everything I’ve asked for, they’ve been sweet most of the time, but it’s moments like today and what’s happening right now where I get terrified to be in my own home.

It started when I was 11-12, where I started to be depressed. I don’t know what happened, probably my friend group wasn’t the best, but I was very unstable. It was the first time I cut myself. My mom noticed and asked about it, but never asked if I was okay. To this day, when referring to that situation, she has only ever told me to see a therapist. I remember my older sister crying and my mom telling me to straighten up. That was the first time I really got a concept.

After that, it was the grades. I am not good at math, I have never been, and I know for damn sure I never will be. It was in 8th grade when I failed my pre-algebra class. My mom continually told me it was my fault and said “what are we going to do?”. I didn’t understand why she ever asked if I was okay. I never asked for help because I was too fucking scared. The last time I had asked for help from my dad, he screamed at me to the point where I was crying. They made me feel worthless, and that’s the first time I thought of suicide.

Freshmen year was my borderline suicide. I remember sitting up until 3 in the morning, crying softly so my parents wouldn’t hear me, questioning if I was really worth it. Then I failed my physical science class. My parents were so mad, they took away my phone, my Xbox, my kindle. Everything I had to get a say on. They went so far that I would try to get them back and me and my dad would end up screaming at each other until, once again, I started to cry. Then it was the first time he threatened to hit me. It shook me to the core and I was terrified. I remember I was sitting in the bathroom because my mom wanted to show me something (like some make up or something), and my dad came near the door and I started to cry. It fucked me up.

Then last year, my sophomore year, was when I found the child abuse tag on tumblr. I educated myself with the different types of abuse and I diagnosed my type as mostly mental and verbal. Once again, my dad and I go in a fight and my mom defended him, and I stayed quiet. Then he grabbed me by the sides of my arms, near my shoulders, and threw me onto the steps. I immediately felt myself wanting to throw up, but nothing would happen, so I told myself it was ok, it was ok, it was ok and hen I started to hyperventilate. My dad told me to sit on the couch. He started to compare me to my sister (who is a straight A, honor roll student, golden child whom I love very much), which was always a great way to knock down my esteem. I held myself as he continued to watch nascar and sip on a beer. I told myself I hated him and I glared at him until I excused myself to the bathroom, turned on the fan and sunk to the floor and cried. He didn’t give a fuck about how I was feeling.

Now it’s my junior year. My sister has graduated and attends college now, so it’s just me. Sometimes we’ll go on vacations and stuff. Like this last weekend we stayed at a little town and my dad embarrassed me in front of everyone saying I had a bad attitude and when I said I didn’t he was like “you’re fucking lying” or “you’re making fucking excuses”. He sometimes gets drunk and gets mad at me. Anyway, this year I was hoping I could talk to my parents about our relationship and patch things up because I hate playing victim, but they still don’t give a fuck. My dad still threatens to him me, kick me out, and scream until his face turns red and I have to leave from crying. But today we had an argument about cleaning my fucking closet. Idk what happened but I had no motivation, so I didn’t really do a good job. My dad came upstairs, gave me a Hershey’s bar, and everything was good or whatever until my mom decided she wasn’t satisfied and decided to yell at me. My dad came upstairs and started to yell too, until it went like this.

“Dad, you and mom verbally abuse me! It’s verbal!” Was what I said. “You have no fucking idea what abuse is if that’s your idea of it.” Was what he said back. “And of course I can’t speak my mind because everything i say is wrong to you.”

It’s just stuff like that, and I’m tired of it. I never look them in the eye anymore because I’ve grown to be ice cold. I’m so scarred by it, I think I have no fucking point of being here, and I honestly think my parents HATE me. I don’t know what to do anymore.

///////

You’ve been thru a lot, and you haven’t had it that good really. It sounds like you’ve always been forced to swallow your feelings and to accept that everything is your fault, and that you need to fix it. It sounds like you got no help at all when you were cutting yourself, and you were always all alone, nobody took care of you. What they did to you when you failed a class is horrifying, isn’t it enough punishment that you failed? why would they want to hurt you on top of that? that’s really cruel and hateful. Your dad throwing you on the steps sounds terrifying and is a really dangerous and harmful kind of physical abuse, only a person who hates you and really wants to hurt you badly would do such a thing. And afterwards to compare you to your sister, while you’re shocked, hurt, hyperventilating, scared? That is cruelty. They had no compassion or love for you. It’s so sick to accuse you of not knowing what abuse is, while you’re being abused, and while you’re pointing it out. You’re absolutely right, and he has no excuse to yell at you at all, it sounds like he’d take any excuse for it, just because he likes hurting you. I know it’s hard, and that you’re alone and tired of all the abuse. You deserve so much comfort and warmth and love. Your parents do hate you and you’ve done nothing to deserve it, they’re abusive and cruel people. I hope one day you get away from them and have people who truly care for you in your life.