#idk what to do i hate medical stuff i hate it all

[joyouspursuits]

Why do bad things keep happening to me? Am I a bad person? Am I being punished? Is that why?

[electoons]

guys this "keeping myself busy with distractions so I don't get sad" thing isn't working

[nomairuins]

i just fucking hate having ptsd all of it. so many stupid fucking things send me into fucking hysterics it sucks and i hate it and i dont want itttt anymore i dont want it.

[imwritesometimes]

I have this very very stupid marchly fic idea that I've thought about on and off for over a year and I might just say fuck it and write it since the appropriate season will be upon us soon but also... it's very silly & stupid and I'm not sure how to flesh it out even into a short one shot cause all I've really got is the idea for this scene that amuses me to no end but would probably not be an amusing funny one-off to many other ppl

[dread-knight]

Why do you have to write a story for other people to see it I feel like my brain is being stretched in twenty different directions with all the shit I want to make but low energy & not enough time & my own sense of shame makes it so that I’m not doing anything. Gahhh

[nexus-nebulae]

i wonder when the last time was that i went more than 24 hours without taking any form of medication

[wintermage]

at yet another juncture in my life where i am making a Serious Attempt to become a Published Author, let's see what ruins it this time

[neverendingford]

.

[isnt-it-too-dreamy]

i wish i wasn't just this unmotivated lump of a person. no matter if it's easy or difficult, uncomfortable or pleasurable, i can hardly motivate myself to do anything.

[xperfectlite]

.

[fabulouslygaybean]

mannnnn. why is my brain so fucked

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

Moxxie Redesign! (2/4)

You didn’t think I forgot about this did you? ‘,:/

I wanted to base Moxxie off of what his name actually implies, having nerve and determination. Ive almost entirely changed his personality in certain ways. He is still an assassin but he takes his job very seriously and struggles with his inner morals because of this. Being berated by Blitz often leads to him pushing aside his concerns with his job and causing internal conflict instead that he typically only ever talks to these issues about Millie. She is trying to get him to consider therapy but he doesn’t want to lose his “sparkle” (he gives in eventually and goes and it goes fine, this would be around season 2 but definitely after episode 6)

Moxxie also doubles as a medic for any potential injuries at I.M.P (this happens often). Moxxie was also born in greed so he has the more aquatic qualities of a greed imp such as the little headlamp, frills, and gills. And for any fish nerds, yes I know only female angler fish have headlamps, thats the point. Viv has literally no main trans characters so I guess I have to do everything myself. Plus I’m tired of the super straight shit that happened a few years back, Millie isn’t any less straight for dating a trans man. I think Moxxie certainly struggles with his masculinity and also takes his job so seriously as a way to prove to himself that he’s meeting some sort of “masculinity criteria” however he’s fully aware of how silly the mindset is (hes working on it). I think som trans imps may definitely paint their horns like Moxxie, but with certain days I really doubt he gives much of a shit considering it probably gets chipped a lot anyway.

Moxxie still hates his upbringing and the greed ring leaves a sour taste in his mouth, however he prefers to use his knowledge and features from greed in his work. For example, preforming minor surgery under his headlight, it’s goofy as hell and I think any show benefits from some extent of stupid silliness like that. It’s also good for distractions!

Moxxie isn’t always super serious like in this art either, he’s still a bit stupid but still respects himself. Tough nut to crack because of his past but is very kind underneath somewhere.

Heres some notes I went off while working!

- glasses (REQUIRED. Give him those stupid little circle spectacles)

- Get rid of the stupid suit

- Maybe some interesting horn stuff?

- Make him look a bit more like his voice, not sure how to describe this

- Write a boyloser properly

- Probably doubles as a medic? I think he’d be interested in medicine with all that errrm akshully energy he has

- Make him actually look like an adult (I tried)

- More of a fishy tail

- Born in wrath but both parents are greed imps so he has those features + moved back when he was like 6 idk

- Or idk maybe imps change the longer theyre in a certain ring? Could be fun

I have a lot more I could talk about with this guy but I’ll save it for some other posts :3

[sugawhaaa]

🥀HONGJOONG ONE-SHOT🥀

Brat.

Warnings::SMUT

Pairing:: dom!Hongjoong x sub!fem!reader

Genre:: spanking, whipping, degradation, discipline/punishment, praise, aftercare

Word count::1138

A/N:: uhm so idk how to put this but recently I kinda got interested in the whole idea of spanking and sort of punishment stuff 🥴 I've never really been huge on it before now, I used to even hate the idea of being "punished". This fanfic is kinda just for me personally and I'm experimenting with things sooo

Tonight went nothing like you had planned. You and Hongjoong were going out to dinner with all the members to treat yourselves but for some reason you were just in a bad mood. Maybe it was PMS, maybe it was some medication you were taking, or maybe you were just having a bad day. Hongjoong tried to be warm and understanding with you while you got ready but you basically gave him the cold shoulder.

He brushed it off because he knew sometimes you had mood swings and mental health issues can make it difficult for you to control yourself sometimes. Once you got out into public though you were only worse. Complaining about everything. You talked back to one of the staff at the restaurant, hardly engaged with the members during the meal and complained about the food afterwards. The members didn't overly mind really, they just kind of did their own thing. However Hongjoong was not impressed with your bad attitude.

He knew that you know how to keep your mouth shut even when you're in a pissy mood but today it's like you didn't even try. When the two of you got back into your sweet home you set your purse down and take off your shoes.

“I shouldn't have worn these shoes,” you sigh as you see the little blisters on your feet. Hongjoong sets down his bag and grabs your wrist, turning you to face him.

“What is your problem?” He hissed and you're taken aback by his aggression.

“What do you mean,” you laugh and Hongjoong grits his teeth.

“You're being an asshole!” He exclaimed and let go of your wrist forcefully. “Back talking, making rude remarks, and ruining the fun for everyone else and for what?” He growled and you look away from him with a frown. “Answer me,” he brings his hand to your chin, making you look up at him. “Do you want attention that badly?” He scoffed and you look away sheepishly. “So that's it. All you wanted was a little attention and you ruined everything for everyone else,” he puts a hand to his hip before sighing. He lets go of your chin and you look down at the floor. “What am I going to do with you?” He sighed. “I guess I'm going to have to teach you a lesson on how to behave,” he smirked before leading you to the couch.

He tells you to bend over the side of it and you do exactly as he says without hesitation. The armrest of the couch is right at your core and your toes barely touch the floor. Hongjoong comes up behind you and flips up your skirt, your ass fully exposed to him.

“H-Hongjoong what are you doing?” You whimper with red cheeks before feeling his hand come down and smack your right ass cheek. You gasp softly at the feeling.

“You're not gonna act like a brat anymore are you?” He whispers into your ear before slapping your left cheek, this time harder. You moan and kick your feet up. He slaps the right one again. “Answer me,” he says sharply and you whimper.

“I-I won't,” you squirm beneath him and he smiles. You hear the sound of him undoing his belt and sliding it off his waist. Your face turns red at the thought of what he's going to do next.

“But I need to punish you for today,” he folds the belt and rubs the cold leather against your burning red cheeks. “Teach you what happens when you misbehave,” he smirks before pulling his hand back. He then slaps the leather across your skin and you whine. “It hurts doesn't it?” He smirks before slapping you again, harder this time. The added sting of the leather made you squirm under him. “Answer me when I ask you fucking question,” he whips you with the belt harder than you've ever felt before. You moan loudly before replying.

“Yes, yes it does. It hurts so good,” you whimper as you feel your ass turning red.

“Good girl,” he smirks as he plays with your hair softly. He lifts the leather belt again before bringing it down to your ass again. You jump at the shocks. “You won't disobey again will you?” He taunts and you shake your head.

“I won't, I will never disobey you again,” you whimper and he smiles wickedly.

“Good,” Hongjoong holds the small of your back gently as he hits you a few times back to back. “You will listen to me,” he whips you again. “And you won't talk back in such a rude tone to anyone,” he hits you again. “And you won't act like a brat just because you want attention,” he whips you one final time with the hardest you've ever felt. Your knees buckle from the feeling and you slip off the couch. Hongjoong sets the belt down and helps you up gently. He kisses your forehead and rubs your back. “You did so good, baby,” he smirks. “I'll go get some cold water for you,” he says before getting up and heading to the kitchen.

In reality, Hongjoong knew how much you had a kink for discipline and punishment so violently and he was happy to oblige. He was very thorough with aftercare and before you even started this whole spanking thing Hongjoong made sure to understand what was too much for you, which was basically nothing but still.

Hongjoong came back with a cup of cold water and two towels. He told you to on all fours and you did as he said. He pulled off your skirt and panties, setting them to the side. He then situated one of the towels just below your ass, bunched up in his hand, while his other hand poured the cold water down the red marks.

You hiss at the sting the cold brought. “I know baby,” he whispers softly before setting the cup down, using the other towel to gently pat your ass dry. He then repeated. When he put the towels away he came back with some gentle lotion to soothe the burns and he ever so carefully applied it. “There, there, you feeling less cranky now?” He chuckles softly as he holds your head in his lap. You nod while blushing.

Hongjoong knows it always makes you feel better when you get put into place like this. It makes you realize how little all of your problems are. “Let's get you to bed,” he picks you up and carries you off to your room. He gently sets you down on the bed and peppers you in kisses. “Did you have fun?” He asks, referring to his little punishment.

“Yeah,” you chuckle. “You know I always do,” you smile and he kisses your forehead

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

[starlyx0]

so I have noticed some people think Ben is boring (trust me I’ve seen it)

so I am here to talk about everything ben and try to explain his character!

This won’t be the best character analysis

as English is not my first language and I'm trying to bring more attention to stuff that's not talked about often.

So I'm going to split this into 6 categories to try to make writing this easier for me so bare with me.

Things I’ll go over!

personality 

looks 

hobbies

past & current 

relationship with family 

relationship with friends

This is going to have a bunch of stuff that are headcanons I'm only including them to show ppl if u can put some thought into it u can get some reasonable ones.

1 | personality

I see a lot of ppl reduce his character to only music and being mute? which really upsets me because he soo so much more,

but making his entire personality music makes me so mad

most headcanons I see are all the same PLEASE I AM TIRED of hearing what kind of songs he listens to that or all ship headcanons titled as Bens 

he's a shy awkward guy we all know that cuz he really just stands in a corner awkwardly scratching his neck most times and he also doesn’t like horror or anything scary (eps 11) 

hes a protective older brother not overly like Tyler where hes more protective of Tay from other people ben is more chill going and more afraid of what life throws at Lily, there’s not much here cuz more points I have fit in the other categories :)

2 | looks 

he looks kinda of basic nobody can deny that so I won't, but because of his past I imagine he would have a bunch of scars ik he doesn’t and that’s a bummer cuz I really wish he had 🥲

After he lost his voice he became super facially expressive but also really good at hiding his emotions so it’s either really easy to read him or really hard no in between. also because of his past bullying, I assume it affected him and the way he presents himself that why he sticks to basic outfits and look,

overall trying not to bring attention to himself even after therapy he stuck to his habit but if someone gave him a little push and helped him he would drop it and start putting thought into his looks,

saw this somewhere I don’t remember where they said he would have curly hair as a kid but his mom didn’t know how to take care of it so they ended up shaving it and i think curly or wavy haired Ben would be so cute also he would look amazing with an eyebrow piercing %100 and uhh I genuinely don’t remember him smiling genuinely in canon so i imagine his with a downturned smile I may be wrong about that idk

3 | hobbies

did I make this a separate category just to talk about him being an artist? yes I absolutely did 🙂↕️

I fear most people forgot about it n honestly and that is criminal 

there is not much said about it in canon but I’ll work with what I have,

he probably didn’t have much artistic skills when he was younger and only started doing it as a distraction and a way to calm down n he probably made himself draw

I feel like red projected onto him in that ifykyk😭

but from the picture Ben draws based on things that happen so he diff draws a bunch of random things he sees and thinks its cool, he would draw everything and everyone and I feel his art style would be more realistic tbh

but Ben also plays guitar, plays piano 

, fight, used to sing, and the medic of the group like what else he do?? he is literally perfect what more can I say here but most of these are not really hobbies but skills he had to learn for the sake of his life 

4 | Past & current 

I’ll talk more here about how his past affects him currently,

I love to think he has a fear of fires because of the fire that burned down his house more of a headcanon tbh

see the pan he burned in that official art? it took him half an hour in his room to calm down his heartbeat and gathering around the campfire is the opposite of relaxing for him

probably hates turtlenecks with his being 

and I want to talk about his voice as that affects him the most what really bothers me about the fandom is that a lot of people ignore the fact that he probably will never speak. 

I see plenty of ppl benlor shippers say 

“he would sing for —-🥺“ “he would whisper to comfort—🥺“ n it makes me wonder are we even talking about the same character???? which is absolute bullshit if he did that he is the one that’s gonna need comfort like please. he would probably never speak unless he sees someone's head gets ripped off there body.

It's said flat out in episode 27

That he has the option to speak but he doesn’t why? Because he hates his voice and if he hates his voice sm he chose to not speak for yearsss what makes u think he would speak for the sake of someone else's comfort when doing that only pains him? he is selectively mute for a reason I'm not saying he doesn’t have a voice but at least if u headcanon him to speak in the future at least let it be for his own sake instead of doing it for someone else or make it about ur ship.

5 | Relationship with family 

Starting with his parents I don’t think they are bad parents at all they tried to help him as much as they could but they couldn’t so they opened up other options and let him move away and heal even if he’s not with them I think what the did is a good choice for their situation and their relationship would still be great tbh considering the distance 

now onto Lily

I honestly can talk about them for days. I love them 

Their relationship is so sweet the way Lily is stuck to him every chance she gets and ah also used to sing to her can you imagine how she felt seeing her brother coming home later and later covered in bruises not singing to her to sleep anymore watching him sneak out 

she basically watched her brother spiral down and then leave she was probably too young to really understand what was going on fully so now she just wants to spend all the time she can with him and he tries to make up for lost time :(

now Aiden 

most people probably forgot Aiden is the closest person to Ben and the same goes the other way around.

Aiden is a life long friend of Ben’s

he literally trusts him, follows him everywhere and lets him decide for him 

they spent most of their time together since Ben moved in they live together there stuck together.

Aiden probably helped him a lot mentally helping him try new things and be more carefree

Ben also probably helped him mentally and physically patching him up and looking out for him overall,

I see some Aiden fics that are like “Oh no Ben’s gonna be so upset at me 😖” and they make him act like a nurse, not a friend and he just bandages him up then leaves as if nothing happened and someone else comes and in does all the comforting 

like I can count all the fics where Ben acts like a decent person and I'd still have more fingers up than down,

it’s so upsetting how ignored their relationship is in this fandom they deserve so much more honestly.

6 | Relationship with friends 

he is definitely the therapist friend 

He is that kind of friend that you can tell everything to him going from weird food to the worst time of your life and won't even realize it 

his friendship with Ash is very chill not the closest I'd say,

they're really just trying to keep their peace lmao

his friendship with Taylor

I imagine them as gossip girls tbh Ben being a quiet kid while Taylor is popular they definitely know some good gossip 

his friendship with Tyler is something he used to find him irritating but then he realized they have a lot in common especially when Tyler was teaching him guitar which was precise since he was the one who offered 

and his friendship with Logan 

it's really sweet Logan would try to teach him gardening while they talk about their interests

and be absolute nerds together lmao

overall the friendship between all of them is really sweet ik I didn’t give it justice here but the found family trope and the way they find comfort in each other is just everything to me

And I'm done yappin hope u enjoyed that because that was over 1,5k words 

if u have any questions feel free to ask 🫡

[angy-grrr]

I keep seeing people worried abt potential Iz/ch but like. We know that he probably wanted to talk about the same thing they did at the cliff, and she will keep thinking about Toga.

Yeah, for a second I also got slightly worried -bc yk, heterosexuality can just happen at any moment-, but after reading it all it doesn't look romantic at all. At least to me.

I am going to use this ask as an excuse to discuss the leaks under the cut, elaborating on this too

This chapter, to me, looks like Izuku is considering what means for him to be a hero himself, and if he even gets to be called that.

He is really... reflecting, if we pay attention to his facial expressions. After that student who used to had Aizawa-sensei as her teacher says she realized she really wants to be a hero after dealing with his "pranks", he is contemplative, maybe thinking about what he believes a hero should do -and if he fulfilled that role.

Ochako is the person who opened up about her complicated feelings towards a villain -while keeping to herself her admiration for certain things-, and probably he wanted to know more about her fight/confrontation. Because Uraraka interrupts him to comment on his hair, they probably haven't talked during their time in the hospital -idk about medical stuff, but im pretty sure he already went thru the operation and had his head shaved in chapter 424, that's why im guessing they were more focused on healing physically than meeting each other.

Because of this, I believe Izuku doesn't know what happened between her and Himiko, and because she probably isn't as relevant for the public as AFO, the end could also be unknown to him, including Ochako's thoughts. But after seeing how she is all okay apparently, chatting like nothing happened just like most of them... he probably felt more alone.

I can't confirm what he feels bc, well, he doesnt say it. Izuku just looks to me like he is looking for someone who could understand his goal of saving a villain, and how it could hurt failing, even if you are glad everyone is okay, but the only people who were open about it -Ochako, who also was focused on stopping and saving a villain who is "not related" to her, and Shoto, who wanted to save his villain brother- don't seem to want to talk about it with him. Like they can move on into other things.

Uraraka seems fine, idk what that says about Himiko's fate -I'm hoping she is okay and we'll get to see it later-, and Todoroki directly says it... is he alone in this? Is he a bad hero bc he couldn't save Shigaraki fully, or because he's stuck in that moment?

This chapter doesnt go against the idea I expressed here -it was a promise to themselves, and he expected Ochako to tell him about the aftermath and the internal conflict of being a hero that saves villains, just like before. But now, Ochako isn't opening up to him, she is keeping it light, and he doesnt want to be a burden.

Izuku rn is isolating himself bc he isn't being vulnerable with others first -the only people he is like that is All Might, and slightly Katsuki because he can't just lie to their faces. Before, both Shoto and Ochako were the ones who would spill their feelings to him, and he expected to be able to also be honest in return -but not being the first one. If he starts it, he risks making others feel sad, angry or down for things they might not even think about, so he prefers to shut up and keep it to himself.

Him and Katsuki... is complicated, because with his feelings he ends up pushing Izuku to places he might not be comfortable with -for example, expressing his admiration and closeness to the point of being nasty and inappropriate, and not hating it bc they are parts of Kacchan. He doesn't feel like he can say that, yet Katsuki makes him see those sides of him instead of focusing on other practical things.

Izuku is a clueless character, who prefers to put others' happiness over his own, and feels conflicted over his fight with Shigaraki. He is the definition of the bad at feelings tag. When he looks for support in the people he knows could be in the same position, and start the conversation for him -give him permission to express his thoughts- he finds they are doing okay. They are not lost, confused, or stuck. They look... fine.

But he is not okay.

Making that moment just an izu///ocha moment... idk, I think that takes a lot from their characters and from Shigaraki and Himiko, like the villains are just tools to make them a couple.