#idk. i feel like i should probably just bite the bullet and take it. especially because i'm pretty sure i can't get my money back

[krispycreamsicle]

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[alphabetatoes]

never been kissed (v. sanji x reader)

a.n.: I FINALLY did it boys 🫡 got this fic done and over with. l + ratio + get rekt 😤 to the scrivener file of this that's been sitting in my desktop files for like 2 months. be nice to me, im such a nerd when i write fluff pieces 😭. me 🤝 myself ending fics probably way earlier than when they should be ended. also me: scraping the bottom of the barrel for fic ideas summary: reader has never been kissed and known romance appreciator sanji WILL NOT stand for this. reader and sanji are awkward but in a fluff fic type of way?? idk. also no beta, we post like men. c.w.: slightly suggestive content toward the end of the fic. w.c.: 950

“What do you mean you’ve never been kissed?” Sanji looked at you with an expression of utter disbelief. There was nothing wrong with it, just a mere statement of fact. You hadn’t had a genuine kiss yet. “Hell, if you asked me to kiss you right now I would, no questions asked.” Sanji was never one to be discrete, especially in the art of romance.

“Easy there, loverboy.” Nami shot him a look, quietly making a point to keep him at bay. It wasn't a huge deal anyways. In fact, being out at sea and busy as ever as a pirate made it difficult to find time for simple pleasures. But your current environment wouldn’t negate innate desires.

Twilight was setting in as you laid in your bunk. You couldn't help but think about Sanji's comment. Was he just being polite, or was there something more to his comment? Part of you knew Sanji was sincere, as he never did anything to betray your respect. However, your nerves were plummeting you into the idea that he wasn’t speaking out of seriousness. It also might not have helped that you had feelings for him. Forgoing the seemingly endless night of restlessness, you decided to bite the bullet and get an answer.

As you made your way to his room, you tried to calm your mind. You played out practically every scenario in your mind, prepping for their outcomes. Once at your destination, you knocked lightly on the door.

“Come in.” When you walked into the room, Sanji was sitting at his desk and flipping through a few recipe books. He looked to be researching the cuisine of the island you were soon to be docked on. Without an immediate response to him, you sat on his bed. You were still trying to draw up the courage to ask your question, but it felt like a steep hill you were trying to climb.

“And to what do I owe the honor of your presence at this hour?”

“I don’t know… I was just thinking about your offer? The kissing lessons?” Your heart was racing so fast, you thought it would pop out. Sanji raised a brow, prompting you to continue your query. “Were you serious?”

Sanji turned to face you in his chair, contorting his body ever so slightly.

“Why would I joke about something like that?”

Oh? Maybe your initial thoughts were wrong. Hell, you wouldn’t be mad if they were. But still, he looked to you for any sort of reaction, clearly set in his response.  

“I don’t know.” You looked down at your feet dangling off his bed, and played with your fingers.“Maybe I thought you were just trying to be nice?” The vulnerability made you unable to meet his gaze, still nervous for his reaction.

He stood up and met you at the edge of his bed, both your knees barely grazing each other. You were close enough to smell the lingering fragrance of cigar smoke and whatever he’d been cooking earlier. It smelt sweet- and comforting. The kind of scent that brought an ease to your racing heart. “That’d be a pretty fucked up thing to do, you know. Especially in front of other people.” Relief flooded over you. It was the confirmation you needed.

“Do you still want to do this? If you feel uncomfortable at any point we’ll stop.” You nodded, and with a smile, gave a concrete “Yes.”.

With your response, he sat next to you and placed his hand to your cheek. “We’ll take it slow. When you’re ready, just lean in. “ You took a deep breath, trying to rid yourself of any lingering nerves. You closed your eyes and leaned in, waiting for Sanji. You felt his lips meet yours, pressing softly. Your cheeks warmed at the new sensation. After a moment, Sanji pulled away. “So?”, Sanji smiled. “It was nice. Think I might want to do it again.” 

He pulled you back in for another kiss, this time moving his hand down to your waist. Warmth radiated from his fingertips, kindling a fire in your stomach. His lips moved slowly against yours, drawing you into a rhythm. His mouth was slow and steady, yet eager for your reciprocation. As you met his pace, you felt yourself melting into the kiss.

Oh. 

This time, it felt different. More passionate, with electricity circuiting through your body. Sanji brought his other hand to your thigh, anchoring himself to you. You traced your tongue against his bottom lip, causing him to smirk. “You sure you need these lessons? You’re a pretty fast learner.” You gave him a playful slap on his shoulder. He was right though. The lesson was starting to feel less like a learning opportunity and more-so shifting into a session airing out unspoken and previously unmet needs. You grabbed the bottom of his shirt, bringing yourself closer to him. Eager to eliminate any unnecessary space between the two of you.

You felt Sanji's surprise at your forwardness, but he didn't pull away. Instead, he returned your enthusiasm, eagerly pulling you into his lap. His hands now had free reign on your body, tracing up and down your sides, admiring every inch of you, your skin tingling with every touch. You could feel him harden beneath you, but he didn't make any further advances, prioritizing your comfort given the situation. “I think you’re enjoying this lesson too, Mr. Teacher.” You couldn’t help but smirk at the circumstance. This newfound boldness of yours made him feel like putty in your hands.

 “What can I say? I take pleasure in my craft.” Sanji joked, causing you to roll your eyes.

 “I’m sure you do.”

[sunnyoldbear]

Luca Headcanons Part 2

DoesLast one blew up and I was gonna wait to make another before making this one but then my Italian fish obsessed brain couldn’t stop thinking and I literally couldn’t stop myself so let’s go, part 2!

Luca:

Has nightmares of what would happen if things went differently: If he was sent to The Deep, if he and Alberto were outed as sea-monsters before the race, if Ercole, Cicco, and Guido didn’t miss Alberto when throwing the harpoons at the beach, if Alberto didn’t come with the umbrella during the race and he was outed in front of the town and hit with Ercole’s harpoon, etc. He always wakes up terrified. 

Apologizes to inanimate objects if he bumps into them or drops them.

Names everything he comes in contact with. Random animals such as birds, insects (even though he’s terrified), erasers he uses often, etc. They’re always random, silly names, but he loves them. 

Is a slow reader because of how he fantasizes himself in the books and daydreams, then is snapped back to reality.

Keeps a dream journal!

Loves making stories about the stars and constellations. He loves the original stories, but he loves to make up his own.

Honestly I just get the vibe that he’s scared of birds after the encounter with the seagull.

His favorite color is purple followed by green!

Giulia’s mom buys him his own bike and he loses his mind, loving it so much

He’s a bit awkward with making friends at school, sticking to Giulia’s side most of the time

He doesn’t really care for music

He can fall asleep anywhere, honestly. He once fell asleep leaning against the doorway and then crashed onto the floor

Alberto loves to doodle on his arms and hands and Luca doesn’t really care to wash them off so they just kinda chill there. 

He’s very easy to prank and scare

Oh you should see him around the holidays! He’s so excited! His eyes sparkle and shine, he absolutely loves the decorations!

He’s not competitive, actually. He just wanted the prize money to get the Vespa, but he doesn’t really care about winning. He just... Isn’t competitive

He is very protective over his friends. Do what you want to him, but lay a hand on someone he loves and he will tear you a new one. We see him in the movie just frown when Ercole makes fun of him, but when Ercole shoved Alberto, all bets were off.

Charts the stars

He doesn’t have one love language, he has all of them, but probably Physical Touch and Quality Time more than anything, or Acts of Service.

Drinks expresso more often than he probably should, but just to get through his schoolwork

Misses his goatfish more than he wants to admit, especially little Giuseppe

Allergies beat him up during the spring

Slowly gets used to cats with Machiavelli’s kittens, but he’s still scared of the chunky boy

A teacher at school made the mistake of introducing him to Shakespeare. He spent hours sobbing over a good chunk of the plays.

Because he liked Shakespeare, Giulia’s mom got him some poetry books. He was not a fan of Edgar Allan Poe or Agatha Christie or Mary Shelley, all the horror/murder type stuff. He loved Emily Dickinson though!

Is as terrified of losing Alberto as Alberto is terrified of losing him

While he isn’t as touchy with Giulia as he is with Alberto, he does get more touchy with her

Reads tons of books about cats, dogs, and turtles to give Machiavelli, Nerone, and Caligola the care they need

Hears about human farms and loses his mind, rapidly asking questions about how they work and if they’re similar to his own

Giulia tries to convince him that fairytales are real. He has nightmares about them for a few nights until Massimo has to tell him that fairytales are made up and her mom changes them slightly to be more... Non-scary. She starts telling them to him to bed just because she misses doing so, and then he can’t fall asleep without someone telling him a story.

Doesn’t do the handshake with anyone that isn’t Alberto or Giulia.

Giulia’s mom calls him “fishy” or “guppy” and he wants to hate it but he can’t

Hates it when people call him cute or baby him, but his family + Alberto + Marcovaldos still do it

Once heard some French Tourists and stared at Giulia and went “why is their Italian so weird sounding” and she lost her shit laughing

Doesn’t swear, refuses to swear

Tries to use Vespa stamps if they’re available

Once he learns what “Piacere, gioralamo trombetta” means, he sends a letter to Alberto which is just him freaking out and laughing while making fun of it. They don’t stop saying it. In fact, they probably say it more.

He has a map in his room with pushpins of where he’s been. Beside it are a bunch of sticky notes of where he wants to go with Alberto with reasons on why he wants to go.

Has a little bit more courage, but not too much

He’s often teased for calling others “sir” or “ma’am” and so he feels really shy about it but doesn’t stop

Refuses to call Massimo and Giulia’s mom by their names, it just feels too awkward for him

Makes friendship bracelets for the trio as well as separate ones for him and Alberto, then him and Giulia.

While he loves gelato, he doesn’t like it as much as Alberto

I feel like he’d dot the i’s in Giulia’s name with hearts but no one else’s

People at school think he has a crush on her but he doesn’t

He and Alberto still say they sleep under the anchovies. No matter how often he researches stars, he’ll always call them anchovies around him.

Sticks out his tongue when focused

Doesn’t like aquariums, he stares at those fish and he just feels trapped

Loves to dance in the rain

Does that little feet tappy dance thing when he’s excited or shakes his hands

Honestly half of his vocabulary is stern shouts of “Alberto!” “Giulia!” or “silenzio Bruno, silenzio Bruno! Silenzio Bruno!”

Speaking of, he can’t just say “Silenzio Bruno” once, it’s always him saying it more than once, especially when he’s really scared

He doesn’t have loud, aggressive sneezes, but he does have sneeze fits. Once he sneezed so many times that with every one his face got closer to his desk until it just went BAM and he has a massive bruise on his forehead for days. 

Sometimes just goes into the water and swims to relax. If he’s feeling homesick, he’ll do some daring trick and then instinctively turn to smile at Alberto only to realize he isn’t there

His dad still keeps crabs but lets Luca name them. Luca chooses to name them all after space things. Mainly moons, but sometimes planets or galaxies

Secretly feels really guilty about Alberto selling their Vespa

After almost being sent to The Deep, he is terrified of the dark and can’t sleep without a light on, no matter how dim it is

Alberto:

Matching pajamas with both Massimo and Giulia! (Refuses to match with her, Massimo yelled at them)

Tries to see what triggers his transformation. Does watermelon? Does juice? Is it any liquid? He’ll find out!

Calls Giulia “Spewlia” just to piss her off

Those two are always arguing. Yes, he often starts it

Lots of tattoos and ear piercings!

Will into Giulia’s room, stare her dead in the eyes, call her a bitch, and run out while leaving the door open. She’ll scream at him and probably throw something. 

Tends to shorten people’s names. He calls Luca “Lu,” “Lulu,” and even “Luke.” Luca does not like any of these names.

Still builds his Vespas! They’re not as fun without Luca, though

Takes Giulia with him sometimes too and purposely crashes into the sea or something just to see what she does. 

Gains quite a bit of muscle 

Is the one who takes down all the sea monster things with Massimo. He and Lorenzo carry Smuca to the fountain

Idk I feel like he has loud sneezes

I also feel like he makes that weird cough face like that one cat idk I just know I’m right

He doesn’t just sing... He scream sings

Doesn’t know how to dance but if there is music he will dance

Loves dancing in the rain too!

Sometimes he’ll just walk into Giulia’s room and gossip with her. They’ll make a blanket fort and grab some snacks and cats and just... Spend the night talking and catching up

She teaches him how to braid hair and now he just loves doing her hair

Bites his lip quite a bit. That’s canon but like, still worth mentioning

Learns how to ride a bike so he doesn’t get killed or something

Keeps a journal on things Luca and Giulia are interested in so he can learn about them. He writes down bullet points on what he remembers from conversations, but it’s honestly not much

He doesn’t have big dreams other than traveling the world with Luca. He knows Giulia wants to be a marine biologist and Luca wants to travel the world + is still figuring things out. He has short term goals other than that and changes the topic about it.

A popular headcanon is that Alberto takes care of the goatfish when Luca’s at school and I think that would happen!

He’s shockingly good with kids! When not working, he loves playing soccer with them by the fountain

He almost named Machiavelli’s mate “Frog” because he can’t name things

Half the time when Giulia and/or Luca talk about school, he goes “I don’t what that means, but I’m choosing to define it as ____” and won’t let them prove him wrong

Technically canon but he will bite. Chomp chomp.

When he meets Giulia’s mom, they love to paint together

He does make some friends in Portorosso, but none are as close to him as his sister and best friend!

This man is the most dramatic person good lord

Love language is definitely physical touch!

Still screams “Take me, gravity!” pretty often

Can’t do work alone without music. He doesn’t really like opera but he can’t stand silence, he just can’t

Sometimes he thinks of Luca’s betrayal and is really angry, but knows he’d probably do the same if the roles were reversed. It was about self preservation and the risk of living. He still gets upset about it sometimes, but completely forgives him and understands

Is always torn between giving Giulia genuine facts about sea creatures and giving her such absurd but lowkey believable lies. He wants her to succeed so badly but also wants to screw her over

If you give him anything, he will play with it. String? A toy. A pen? A toy. A literal rock you found on the side of the road? A gorgeous toy, thank you!

Never just goes into the water, he will always be dramatic and dive in or jump

Sometimes when not on duty, he just blows his lifeguard whistle because he thinks it’s cool

He loves yoyos!

Will noogie Giulia.

Sometimes gets scared that Massimo will abandon him, but it seems like Massimo always knows

Città Vuota is his favorite song!

Doodles all over everything, especially Giulia and Luca’s arms and legs. They range from little stars to tic tac toe games to fish to anything that comes to mind

Giulia:

Is very much into photography! Luca always does hearts with his hands/fingers while Alberto does stupid poses or flips her off... or both.

Hums and sings a lot! 

Also loves to dance and is the best of the trio! Loves to twirl and vibe even if there’s no music! It’s just her personality

She doesn’t just hug, she jumps into their arms and holds them close

Sometimes just to annoy Alberto she’ll hug him and press kisses to his head and cheeks. Siblings gonna be annoying.

Always has so much energy but really struggles with sitting still for homework after such long hours in school that her grades aren’t all that good except for Astronomy!

The most competitive of the trio

Bites her lip when she’s nervous

Started wearing her hat to match her dad when she was little and now she doesn’t like being without it

Has probably fallen asleep in class

Loves watermelon and gelato

While Ciccio and Guido apologize for their actions, she doesn’t forgive them and doesn’t want to. She has every right to

Gets really into singing when she’s singing along to songs

Doesn’t like makeup for herself but will hold the boys captive to do their makeup

Loves puns! Will make sea puns to piss off Alberto and Luca, but Luca loves them so it half-works

Loves copying Alberto’s lipbite

Machiavelli her beloved <3 

Loves her fam so much! She’s got pictures of them everywhere and is constantly buying them gifts

Speaking of! Her love language is giving gifts! 

She’s actually pretty good at making friends since she can read people so well. It’s just that Portorosso doesn’t have any.... Great kids to befriend and Genova just has too many that she sticks to a small group which eventually fades, as groups do

She isn’t the most emotional but she also isn’t the least emotional. She doesn’t cry often but she does get sad and shows it

I don’t know why I feel this way but I definitely think she’s scared of the doctor

She used to be scared of thunderstorms until meeting her boys and the race happened. Now she associates rain and storms with that win

Summer is her favorite season

She knows everyone in Portorosso by name and knows most of their birthdays by heart

Speaking of, she always celebrates Alberto’s birthday like her like her life depends on it

Now loves racing on her bike even more cause of the race

Calls Alberto “Berto” and is the only one allowed to do say

A very light sleeper

---

More on the way probably they’re all I think about

[zuzuslastbraincell]

mai & the rest of the gaang:

mai & aang: a bit awkward, at first? not on aang's end of course, he's totally unflustered and in fact quite keen to get to know zuko's girlfriend and I actually think mai doesn't know what to do with this attitude, given she spent six months or so trying to hunt him down, and that's very present in her mind. hanging out with aang is a very pleasant culture shock in how he casually diaregards half the norms she was raised to strictly follow, speaking with warm enthusiasm and genuine curiosity to all, be they dish washers or tea servers or the Fire Lord's girlfriend, disregarding barriers of social class that are so carefully upheld in the Fire Nation. It's refreshing as it is bewildering. I think mai does develop a fondness for aang - although she can find him and his antics a bit much at times - and deeply respects and cares for him if only for how valued his friendship with zuko is. she claims to tolerate his goofy antics but she enjoys them far more than she lets on (his flying marble trick does elicit a rare smile, although it only appears for 0.02 seconds before returning to the most deadpan expression). I think mai respects him most politically actually - aang grows up to be an excellent diplomat, an excellent mediator who does not lose sight of the importance of various different perspectives, especially those who are forgotten or maligned, even when in circles of power.

mai & sokka: as discussed, they have a rocky start. sokka, my darling beloved sokka, has a tendency to be a bit abrasive, if we're honest, in that his humour and his puns are a little in-your-face, he has a bit of an ego aboht being the funniest/smartest person in the room, and he can take it personally when people don't like it. mai doesn't have much time for that. mai doesn't care much for sokka's jokes if only because they're attached to this ego, but also and finds the puns a bit flat (whereas she finds aang's mischief making genuinely funny, though she tries to hide it), and sokka takes this deeply personally and tries really hard to elicit a laugh from her. this just ends up with him aggravating her more. I think mai has little time for sensitive male ego games and that's partially why her and sokka clash- she won't blunt herself for him, even if he is one of zuko's closest friends. I think sokka, to his credit, doesn't dismiss her as a 'bitch' and keeps trying - in fact, the reason he comes on so strong is because he actually really wants her to like her - and i think that's because of boiling rock, and because of that alone sokka deeply respects mai on many levels (and was extremely surprised by how all that played out, and knows from that alone that mai is a layered and complex person who contains multitudes). I think what might cause mai to warm to him is politics - sokka's a pragmatist, who is skeptical of idealism without material backing and is refreshingly realistic for one of aang's friends. he keeps the fire nation on its toes at the negotiating table but he's also the first to point out when a potential proposition - when anyone's potential proposition - has more logical holes than a piece of honeycomb. i think mai appreciates that perspective. and i think they could slowly and gradually go from personality clashing to building this begrudging friendship where mai will never openly admit that she likes him, where sokka will still grate but in a way that becomes almost familiar and comfortable because of that, and where - especially in a situation where they have to work on a project together - they're a formidable team. a difficult friendship but eventually could be a dear one.

mai & katara: another personality clash that becomes a really fascinating friendship. katara wasn't there for boiling rock and is perhaps a bit cool towards mai even understanding what she did there, and the grounds where they most often meet is politics, and they largely are at odds there too. they're interesting parallels, in terms of role - both partners of powerful world leaders, but while mai positions herself as a vital support and power behind zuko's regime, furthering that goal, katara loathes to be associated with aang simply because of their romantic relationship, and does not envision their relationship to be a political one: aang and katara stand independent, but with shared values and goals (and perhaps katara simply does not understand why mai takes the position she does regarding politics and relationships). their actual political approach wildly differs, with katara being an impassioned idealist who is the most radical out of the gaang, whereas mai is a pragmatist - much more concerned about the feasibility of the radical ideas proposed and sees herself occupying the role of a much needed skeptic who asks 'okay, but how are we going to do this?' in a group of radicals. this does lead to some fierce clashes actually - some of katara's proposals appear outlandish to mai, and katara interprets this as fire nation indoctrination and ideological conditioning limiting her perspective (and honestly neither are completely wrong - mai can be on occasion perhaps too conservative and cynical and that is often because her upbringing has limited her scope, and katara sometimes isn't fully aware of how feasible her ideas are and leaves practical concerns to others). I think despite this they have such a deep respect for each other - and that's in part why their arguments are so impassioned, because they both fundamentally know the other comes from a good place. mai saved katara's brother's life at boiling rock, and katara saved mai's partner during the final agni kai - they have both proven to each other the extent of their commitment and cared for another they care about deeply. they're the biggest idealism vs. cynicism clash but honestly over time i think the respect only grows over time despite periods of hot and cold. I'd like to think if katara ever has relationship difficulties with aang, after her gran's, it's mai whose advice she might respect the most - after all, it's mai who understands what it's like to date someone who is a world leader, and mai absolutely believes in having firm, healthy boundaries and little tolerance for sufferring for men in relationships. I think given their positions they're often in dialogue and in conversation and end up building the most unexpected but also rock solid friendship. they *would* take a bullet for each other, i am sure of it.

mai & toph: i love these two. an incredible friendship. mai takes to toph the quickest out of aang's friends. it makes sense - toph comes from a similar class and upbringing as mai, albeit has taken a different life path and expresses herself completely differently, and i think while surprised and thrown at first by toph's bluntness, mai sees that and not only respects but honestly just loves how toph is a little crass, and doesn't hold decorum as the be all and end all. I think the age difference here actually makes a difference - mai very much sees toph as a younger peer (and eventually, much like zuko, a younger sibling), and while it can be sad to see someone from a younger generation express themselves freely in a way that mai feel she can't, i think her joy at seeing that takes precedence here over any mixed feelings. mai pretends not to be amused at toph's antics (but quietly delights at them) and absolutely is the person who will get the authorities that be in the fire nation to look away from whatever misdemeanours she's committing at any given time (indeed, mai as often been a partner in crime - actually, speaking of, she's been surprised before to see katara also partake with toph, and it was an ice-breaking moment for them, probably one engineered by toph). that said, mai absolutely does not patronise toph, gives it to her straight, will also tell toph when she's going too far or pushing the limit, something toph deeply respects and values. mai can see toph's wisdom and her strong intuitive understanding of how others feel, and admires that, as well as the kindness toph shows (i would not be surprised if mai looks at toph and wants to be a little more like her). I also think mai's sardonic and biting sense of humour is best appreciated by toph out of aang's friends (sokka also finds it very funny, but sokka is also trying hard to get mai to like him, as aforementioned). mai and toph vibe together *so hard* and *so well* (something i think zuko is quietly deeply grateful for, since mai hasn't clicked as well with the rest of the gaang, but also because he views toph like a little sister too).

mai & suki: right! so this one is complicated. mai does not see suki as often as the rest of the gaang - she sees katara and aang often for political reasons, at summits and keets and so on, sokka keeps in touch often and is constantly sending letters, and toph will just turn up unannounced and will stay for several weeks to "relandscape" the fire nation gardens (so she claims) every year or so. I am sticking to show canon here but reject the comics canon - there is no way in hell suki ends up as a bodyguard for zuko, the kyoshi warriors have better things to be doing. so! while mai absolutely saved the teal at boiling rock and suki knows this, the fact that they see each other relatively little mean things are a bit... cool between them? Not quite cold, but there's a degree of awkwardness that mai works past with the others that takes longer with suki. I honestly don't know if suki knows how she should feel about mai? like ty lee not only helped at boiling rock but then went on to work with the warriors and suki very much sees someone who wants to prove herself and right those wrongs in ty lee (as well as someone who is running away but. that's another post). mai completed step 1 and 2 with boiling rock, but hasn't... done anything after that. and on paper they're cool and she knows it but... idk if she knows how to feel? it's a bit weird. a bit awkward and weird. it's possible suki holds more of a grudge than she's willing to admit (she's been most directly wronged by mai and ty lee after all) and the fact that mai has returned to the fire nation, and been, according to katara, disappointingly conservative at times, makes her question what boiling rock meant. suki is cordial and professional around mai but doesn't really know her that well and doesn't trust her as much as the others. mai doesn't particularly care either way and will take or leave friendship with suki (though mai, to be clear, does respect suki immensely as a warrior). the key factor here is ty lee, honestly. i think the two of them could have an excellent relationship if so inclined but it would apmost definitely be due to ty lee trying to prod them into getting along and hanging out and getting to know each other - because i think they're both practical minded, no-nonsense girls who are exceptionally skilled in martial arts and if nothing else they could bond theough sparring sessions, but i think they'd also just get along splendidly if they had the chance. suki just doesn't quite trust mai and mai making those personal amends isn't a priority when she's trying to stop zuko running the fire nation into the ground.

[confusedbutstillgay]

MF Gotham Logic.

Okay so stabbing/blood/shooting trigger warning, please DON’T READ if this will trigger you.

Hello, I’m gonna be talking about a bit of Gotham logic today. Before you start complaining about your least favorite plot holes, stupid twists the writers put in there, characters that only popped up for like 5 seconds… nah I’m not here to talk about that shit. In all honesty, I didn’t watch much of Gotham, so I can’t really talk about that. What I am here to talk about is Gotham’s logic of how the human body works. Spoilers ahead.

Let’s start off with one of the most well-known scenes. Ed shooting Oz and letting his body fall into the river. Lemme explain.

Infection. The Gotham river has gotta be polluted as fuck, so if and only if Oz actually survived he would have a hell of an infection.

Pressure. The pressure of the river, as I’ve heard, would probably turn Ozzie’s insides into outsides, especially since he was shot in the stomach region. 

The river itself. Undercurrents especially I’m worried about. How the fuck would Oz get himself out of that in time? And yes, he would have to, since he would die in minutes from blood loss. He doesn’t have enough time for him to just wash out and be magically okay. Not to mention the risk of, idk, breaking bones and stuff from getting bumped around in the river so much.

The risk of hypothermia and/or frostbite, since rivers are fucking cold regardless of the time of day or the season. 

Now let’s talk about what Ivy would have had to do in order to heal Ozzie. First off, she would have to know how to perform surgery, since she would have had to sew up the walls of Oz’s internal organs and also get the bullet out if it was still in there. Second, well, we talked about infection, probably having to patch up broken bones from the river, hypothermia, etc, etc…

Okay, let’s go to something simpler. Bombs.

Mother. Fucking. Bombs.

Inhales

Do you know how far away you need to be to survive from a grenade? 30 feet. This is because your tissue tears from the highly compressed air that slams into you, and your brain and lungs can collapse and bleed internally. Just imagine how far away you need to be from a bomb to survive. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES GRENADES/BOMBS HAVE FUCKING APPEARED IN GOTHAM WITH CLOSE TO NO CONSEQUENCES EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE WERE LIKE NOT EVEN 2 FEET AWAY FROM THE GODDAMN GRENADE

So now let’s talk about the whole severed-hand thing. 

Oh, god, where do I start with this shit.

Okay, let me start by saying: it’s possible, with modern medicine, to have your hand cut off and be able to use it again. BUT. But. You need to go through (I estimate) months of seriously hard physical therapy, and it’s frustrating and exhausting, but again, it’s possible. 

HOW THE FUCK DID THAT BITCH USE HER HAND AFTER LIKE A FEW DAYS?!?!?!?! LIKE MISS GIRL BE GLAD YOU CAN BARELY HOLD ONTO A KNIFE YOU SHOULDN’T EVEN BE ABLE TO USE YOUR HAND AT ALL.

*Clears throat*

Okay, let’s talk about Ozzie getting shrapnel in the eye. This is a bit of a problem for me when it comes to looking up the logic, since we don’t know how big the shrapnel was. If it was over 2 inches Ozzie’s getting some brain damage and probably internal bleeding. I feel like there, yes, is a chance he could survive but he’d have some brain damage. This would affect his temporal lobe, which could result in: difficulty learning and retaining new information, impaired factual and long-term memory, and persistent talking. But otherwise this seems to check out. 

Oh, boy. I wanna talk about Jerome getting stabbed in the neck. So. So, so, so. Getting stabbed in the neck is NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM an instant death. It can take a few minutes to a lot longer than you’d think to die from that shit. Also it looks as though he could have nicked a major artery… so that would mean death in a minute or two, from blood loss. 

Now, Theo’s biggest flaw here is NOT TAKING THE KNIFE OUT. Leaving the knife in means stemming the bleeding and allowing there to be a bit of a higher chance of living. 

Also I want to talk about the bleeding to the mouth… just no. From my knowledge this should not, in any way, shape, or form, happen unless he got tilted back and the blood from his throat SOMEHOW trickled up to his mouth. Actually the blood would go down, which would not be good for your stomach or possibly lungs… but anyways. The “bleeding by the mouth thing…” I’m starting to believe that shit doesn’t happen. Not as much as the media says, anyways. Yeah, yeah, I get that it’s a huge sign you got into a big fight, but that doesn’t mean it’s logical or right. Only way I would accept this is if you made a point that a tooth got knocked out (because I don’t think biting your tongue hard would result in THAT much blood… also if your character is good at fighting this probably wouldn’t happen). 

And last but not least, Ecco dying. Now, getting stabbed/shot in the heart is… fickle. It all depends on the situation (and yes, people have survived getting shot/stabbed in the heart. It happens) and how quickly you lose blood/how quickly your brain loses oxygenated blood. BUT AGAIN WITH THE BLOOD POURING FROM THE MOUTH THING. WHY. WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH THIS SHIT. 

Anyways, that’s all for right now, if you have questions about any other scenes my ask box is open and I will gladly speak about these things :> Goodbye!!!

Edit:

@yanderebeat​

Ohhhh. My. God. How the fuck did I forget this??? (Also clearly this is gonna be a thread now so WHOOP)

Okay so it takes like. 4-6 min for someone to die while choking and 10 min for irreversible brain death. IT TAKES. 4-6 MIN. FOR SOMEONE TO DIE. WHILE CHOKING.

This is because of the lack of oxygen that’s going to the brain. SO FUCKING EXPLAIN TO ME HOW AND WHY KRIS DIED THAT FUCKING QUICKLY. Only reason would be if her brain was already lacking oxygen but there’s no reason for that to have happened so like… why

Anyways thanks for the little reminder of that :>

[genevievemd]

Can I ask you some questions about Ethan and Genevieve I discovered your page a week ago just finished all the fics I'm interested in your version of the characters

Oph MC is usually seen as flawless and perfect (like every other MC in choices) what are some bad habits or flaws your MC has and we know Ethan's flaws he is one of the few li's who have actual flaws but still I'd like to know your Ethan's flaws which are personal or you have imagined them. (English is not my first language can't explain my request more clearly than this)

Do you see them married with kids in the future ( ik the marriage part you have a fic about it but here is what I specifically want. both of their opinions on this matter before meeting each other and after spending a year or two dating)

Does Ethan have extended family that you have created like a cousin he is very close to or a best friend (if yes can you make a fic where Genevieve meets this best friend or cousin?)

Any hobbies or skills Genevieve has?(like sketching or piano or something idk why Genevieve gives me piano vibes)

Which med school did you have Genevieve go to?

Are they fresh air kind of people or city air kind of

Do they believe in aliens

Opinions on pineapple on pizza

And last but not the least body language ( signs their body gives off when they are anxious, scared, happy and excited)

Ik they are a lot of questions and you probably hate me for making you answer this question air but either way love your work♥️♥️✨💫

Yes! You can always ask me questions and I LOVE these questions. I’m very attached to Gen lol so I’m always willing to talk about her! 

Thank you for reading all my things! 

And I don’t hate you for all the questions, I answered every single one, under the read more because they got lengthy. lol 

First Question: 

I definitely don’t see Gen as perfect. I’ve kind of put a lot of myself in her, which I’ve never done with any other MC I’ve played. I kind of see Gen as as a perfectionist, to the point where she gets in her own way. She also, like Ethan, tends to put everyone’s problems on her shoulders and feels responsible for thing that are way out of her control. And though Gen is patient, sometimes too patient, she can hold a grudge. It’s unhealthy and she knows that, but she has a hard time over coming it. Like with Landry, deep down Gen wants to let it go and move on. But there’s a small part of her that will always feel angry and betrayed. Gen’s also not one to put her own needs ahead of others, it’s rare that she’ll ask for what she needs, unless she 100% trusts the person she’s confiding in. (I have a headcanon where her dad cheated on her mom when she was in high school, they didn’t get a divorce, but Gen was the one who discovered the affair and it left a sort of trust/abandonment issue.) She can be rather clingy in a relationship, at first, something Ethan was annoyed with, he’s rather independent I think, but once he understood where that was coming from it didn’t bother him as much. It was just Gen’s way of reassuring herself that Ethan was hers, that he wasn’t going anywhere. Plus her love language is physical touch/affection and spending time together. 

As for Ethan, I think he’s a very closed off person, has a hard time trusting people. He absolutely will push someone away, not because he necessarily wants to, but in order to protect himself. For me, I think one of the main reasons why he didn’t dive 100% into a relationship with MC was his fear that he’d lose them. That they would walk out the same way his mother did. I also think he’s way too stubborn and has a hard time admitting when he’s wrong. He won’t be the first to back down in a fight, even if that means it makes him unhappy. 

Second Question: 

I absolutely see Ethan and Genevieve married with kids. Gen has always wanted to get married, always wanted to be a mother. She’s had a pinterest board since high school thats dedicated to her dream wedding lol. When she found out Ethan wasn’t 100% on board with marriage, she was bummed. But at the same time, she was/is willing to let that go if it meant she could be with him. As long as she has Ethan, she doesn’t need a ring. Gen’s also always believed in soulmates and fate, she knew after their kiss in Miami that Ethan was her soulmate. 

As for Ethan, I think deep down he’s always wanted kids but never saw them as an option because he never thought he’d find the right person to settle down with. I think that also ties into his past with his mom. Same with marriage, when he wasn’t in love, it didn’t make sense to him. But once he was, realized he never wanted to lose Gen, he understood it. Once he recognized how much he loves Gen, he wanted everything with her. Marriage, kids, all of it. With MC/Gen he realized he could be the parent he wanted to be. 

I have a scene in chapter 3 or 4, I can’t remember which, in Love You Home where Ethan and Gen have the marriage/kids talk. 

Third Question:

I think Ethan has an extended family. We don’t know much about his parents, if they are only children or not, but I think either his mom or dad has a sibling or two. They’re definitely not close at all, he probably doesn’t see them. But they exist. Gen’s influence definitely persuades him to reach out, in the same way she influenced him to give his mom a second chance. 

As for a best friend? I don’t think he has one, I think Naveen is his closest friend at the moment. But I would love for him to get back in touch with maybe a childhood friend or friends from collage. Maybe even become friends with some fellow attendings at Edenbrook. Again, I think have Gen/MC around has really opened his eyes to different things and realizing how important friendships and relationships really are. 

And at some point I may write something for that. 

Fourth Question: 

I love that you see Gen as a piano person because I also see Gen as a piano person. She doesn’t play much now, lack of access to a piano and too busy with work but she does know how to play. She also speaks a baby bit of french, not enough to be fluent but enough to understand her maternal grandparents (they’re first language is french, so they speak it interchangeably with english). I also think she’s a pretty decent singer, she did choir in middle/high school.

As for hobbies, Gen is super into photography. She’s not the greatest, but she loves it. It ties into her being a super sentimental person, she likes to have tangible memories. She also loves journaling, she definitely has a bullet journal that she does herself. It’s relaxing for her, after a stressful day. And I don’t know if you’d count make up as a hobby, but Gen is super into it. On the daily, she really only wears eyeliner, mascara and a light lipstick, but on her days off she experiments and does more intricate looks. I have a headcanon where Ethan comes home and sees Gen in like a super dark lip with a kickass winged liner, very femme fatale, and he’s shookith. 

Fifth Question: 

I go back and fourth on what med school Gen went too, I googled top 100 med schools when I started open heart so I could pick a good one for her lmao Its a toss up between University of California or University of Pennsylvania. Gen is from New England, she grew up on the coast of Maine - not too far from Providence actually. So I sometimes think UPenn because Gen would want to be close to her family. But then sometimes I say Cali because she wanted the adventure of going off on her own. At some point I’m going to have to choose obviously but where not there yet lol Still a toss up. 

Sixth Question: 

Genevieve is absolutely a fresh air girl. She loves the beach and being outdoors. Boston is a bit of a change for her, being a city but it doesn’t take long to find some country air here in New England so she gets both. lol 

Seventh Question: 

LMAO I love this question. I never thought of this but you know what Gen absolutely believes in aliens. Not in a weird conspiracy kind of way, more in a scientific kind of way. There’s no way Earth is the only planet in the galaxy to have life. The galaxy is freakin huge, scientifically there is no way we’re the only planet with life. 

Eighth Question: 

Pineapple on pizza is a crime. End of story. No one should ever have pineapple on pizza. No just...no.

Ninth/ Last Question: 

I’m going to answer this for each of the things you listed in your question. 

Anxious: It’s very easy to see when Gen is feeling this way, at least to Ethan and her friends. She retreats inward and does this like twisting motion with her fingers. Like cracking your knuckles but not actually cracking your knuckles. She’ll also bite the corner of her lip. 

Scared: Gen doesn’t scare easy, but when she does she kind of hugs herself, makes herself smaller. Will hide behind things or run away. She’s a flight not a fight when scared. Especially if its like a spider, bug or snake - she’s terrified of those. That’s a freeze or run and scream situation. 

Happy: Super easy to tell when Gen is happy. She gets really smiley, a little bouncy. One of those people that does that little happy dance of swaying back and forth. 

Excited: Same as happy, big smiles. Jumps around. a little dancing. Lots of giggling. 

I’m gonna add one more here, for shipping purposes lol 

In Love: Gen is affectionate af, very touchy. She’ll show you how much she loves her way before she ever says it. Ethan realized she was in love with him months before she said it. Just by how much more open she was with physical affection. Always gently touching his arm, or kissing his cheek, always willing to hug him or snuggle in close. 

Thank you so so so much for the questions, these were so fun to answer! Feel free to drop in any time. I love Gen and Ethan so much, I will always answer any questions you want to ask me about them.

[golbrocklovely]

I've toyed with the idea of starting a YouTube channel myself, I'll probably bite the bullet one day and actually do it. When I do I'll probably do the same, reaction videos for movies and TV shows. Or just shut post like Brittany Broski and Jenna Marbles did, ya know😂 just film shit that makes me laugh. I like video games too so I'd probably try and start a twitch at some point but thats a whole different ball field lmao

Favorite music artists at the moment Corpse, Jack Harlow, Ariana Grande and Billie Eilish❤

Worst movie I've ever seen probably any Nicolas Cage movie..OH NO! You know what movies are just absolutely awful? Fifty Shades of Grey. They're so cringey and bad. Not to mention just plain gross, no one should of ever put that story to film lmao

Perfect day for me would be waking up to no alarm clock, hanging out with my cousins, maybe do some shopping, watch a movie and have a fire in the backyard

What makes you really angry? Do you have any phobias? Would you rather stay in or go out on a Friday night?

i feel like everyone wants to be on youtube now, but that's the fun part about it. if i could just get out of my own head about it feeling embarrassing, i think having a youtube channel would be dope.

ooh, i like some of those ppl :) right now i think i'm really into the jonas brothers and olivia rodrigo. i've been listening to the both of them a lot.

omg fifty shades of grey is so bad for so many reasons lmao also it's the least sexiest thing i've ever seen. i tried to sit thru the first movie once and literally fell asleep. i would have to say that the worst movies i've seen as of recent are the after movies. but i weirdly like them at the same time. they're fun to hate watch, if that makes sense.

that sounds like a fun day ! i just love any day where i don't fee like i have to do something, where if i wanted to lay in bed and not move all day, then i could do that and not feel stressed.

something that makes me really angry is pettiness. i can't stand it at all. like, obviously being a bit passive aggressive or having a petty moment is understandable. i'm like that sometimes too. but, when you are constantly petty... it infuriates me. like, if you're not gonna speak up and explain what you're feeling, why take it out on the other person? just be an adult and express yourself. or, if you can't, accept that you can't and stop being petty. especially if the other person has no idea they did something to upset you.

i have one phobia, and idk if it has a name, but i'm scared of smelling bad. i know that's a weird one, but like ever since i was child i've been hyper aware of what i smell like. it started when i was kid bc my parents used to smoke all the time and thus i smelled like smoke so ppl would literally make fun of me for it. ever since then, i'm over-the-top with how i make sure i don't smell. i will literally ignore certain foods that i think will make me smell bad. i will also spray so much body spray and perfume on just to make sure i don't stink. i've literally never had someone tell me i stink, but the idea alone makes my skin crawl lol

it depends on what i have planned on fridays, honestly. most nights, i'm staying in. but if i feel like going out, i usually try not to do it on fridays bc in my town fridays are kinda crazy (or there's just a lot of drivers). as of recent, i'm most likely staying in.

questions 4 u: favorite pair of shoes you own, what's one moment you would like to relive, have you ever met someone famous and if so what were they like? and if not, who is someone you want to meet?

[when-they-write-stuff]

okay you seem really nice lol, but idk if you take random prompts and its fine if you don't but i've really been feeling a "they get tied together and derek is in the back with stiles pressed against him omg-" fic ever since i saw a fan art like that for one of my other otp's,, so like if you could??? thatd be great

Oh heck yeah, I’m always down for a random prompt! And oh my gosh, this one is absolutely fantastic.

- -

Stiles thought this sounded like the beginning of a bad joke.

Two people get tied together back to back— an Alpha werewolf and the local token human— and one tries to get loose and accidentally ends up in a compromising position. What happens then? Absolutely nothing good for the innocent teenager that said Alpha werewolf is currently pressed up against.

Stiles hated everything sometimes.

It started when Stiles had been used as bait for the newest threat of Beacon Hills. He thought hunters were a little tiring, especially because they’d just come off of a bloodthirsty witch and that had been the ride of a lifetime. So when Jackson offered him up to be the hook, line, and sinker, he didn’t even try to argue. Their pack could handle a few hunters, after all.

Stiles had been wrong before.

He decided later, with a bloody nose and black eye as he lied tied up on the cold floor, that he hated everything. Hunters, werewolves, all the jazz. Stiles just wanted a nap and then maybe some curly fries.

After this, someone was buying him curly fries.

Stiles tried not to wince as he heard the sound of approaching footsteps, trying to draw into himself as much as he could. But the hands bound behind his back didn’t help. Nor did that fact that his entire body screamed in pain every time he dared to move an inch.

The hunter knelt down in front of him and Stiles got an eyeful of brown teeth.

“We’ll ask you one more time, boy. Where is the Hale-McCall pack?”

“Dude,” Stiles said, trying to roll away. “Breath freshener, whitening toothpaste, or something. Please invest.”

Stiles’s words were rewarded with a kick to the ribs, which he really should have expected. That didn’t change the fact that his breaths leaped from his lungs, though, or how he curled in on himself even more, choking out a small cry of pain.

Brown-teeth sneered down at him. “Wanna try that again?”

“I thought you were only asking me one more time.”

Stiles got another kick, harder this time. He tried to bite back his noise of pain but it came out anyway, more of a whine than a cry through gritted teeth. Laughter rolled around the room and Stiles gasped welty into the floor, tasting blood in his mouth.

“Come on boy,” the hunter said, crouching down again. “Is the pain really worth protecting a bunch of mutts? Tell us where we can find the Hale-McCall pack and we’ll let you go.”

“Minty gum works too,” Stiles said in a gasp. “With the stench at least, if you’re too lazy to brush.”

“Mouthy little shit—”

Before the hunter could strike him again, a loud roar filled the air. Stiles’s heart leaped and he tried to look up, only to groan and curl back in on himself. His everything hurt and honestly, he was surprised he was still conscious right now.

He heard… a growl. A single growl. Nothing else, no resounding howls or thankful sounds of rescue. Stiles blinked a few times as a gunshot filled the air followed by the sound of cheers.

Stiles’s heart plummeted. In five seconds, someone was being tossed next to him and he didn’t have to look long to realize who it was.

Stiles swallowed the taste of blood in his mouth. Derek laid next to him, a glowing bullet in his shoulder while his chest rose and fell in pants. Slowly, despite himself, Stiles raised a brow.

“Hey there, Sourwolf. You come to save me?”

“Shut up, Stiles.”

“I’m feeling very good about this entire situation right now. Thanks a ton.”

“Stiles.”

There was a footstep right behind Stiles’s head. He winced and cursed as brown-teeth leaned down again, glancing between them. Derek snarled weakly and Stiles only rolled his eyes.

“Well,” the man said. “The Hale Alpha and the pack human?”

“I never get a cool title,” Stiles grumbled. Derek gave him a red-eyed look, which Stiles pointedly ignored. He was aware of a hand on his arm, yanking him up, and his entire body screamed in pain at the sudden movement.

He didn’t mean to make a noise, but it just slipped out. Derek snarled again and the man laughed, dragging Stiles to his feet. But he didn’t make it all the way before his world was dipping in and out of darkness. Stiles tried to stay conscious— he really did.

But it was a losing battle from the start.

By the time Derek was trying to rise to his feet, only to get kicked back down again, Stiles had given into the black. He heard the man call his name, was aware of the floor coming again, too fast this time. And then… nothing.

Nothing.

Stiles thought that right now, he liked it better that way.

-

So where was he? Oh yeah, the beginning of a bad joke.

Stiles woke up with his hands bound behind his back. The first thing he thought was that his head pounded. The second was more along the lines of how hot he was— and not just to the eyes. Stiles felt like he was being pressed against a space heater. 

His third realization was that he basically was.

“Stiles,” Derek said, shifting carefully. “Are you awake?”

“No,” Stiles whined. “Or at least, I don’t want to be. Knock me back out again, please.”

The man sighed. 

Glancing around, Stiles realized they were alone. He didn’t know if that was a good thing or not, attempting to shift in his bonds only to groan. The pain pounded through his head and rippled all the way down the rest of him, like a full body ache he couldn’t escape.

Until Derek caught his hand, that was. Then slowly, some of the pain ebbed away.

“Okay,” Stiles said tiredly. “What now?”

“Someone will find us.”

“Someone like Scott? Who occasionally gets lost trying to find his own shadow?”

“Someone like Lydia,” Derek said. “Or Boyd.”

“Yay for Lydia and Boyd.”

“Would you rather be stuck alone in this?”

Stiles thought about that for a moment. Derek growled at his silence and Stiles couldn’t help smirking a little, feeling much better now that the man was taking some of his pain. But then Derek pulled away and Stiles whined again.

“Hey, no, dude, put your hand back on mine. I hurt!”

“I have a bullet in my shoulder, Stiles.”

Oh yeah. That was a thing too.

“Well,” Stiles said, refusing to be cowed. “That’s usually what happens when you come bursting into a hunter’s safehouse alone. What the hell is even with that anyway? Why didn’t you bring the rest of the pack?”

“I didn’t think I’d need them.”

“You didn’t— oh my god, Derek, I hate your Alpha ego sometimes.”

Derek only huffed. Stiles really hated him.

“Fine, is there anything you can do? These are ropes, have you tried like, chewing your way out of them or something?”

He was pretty sure the man tried to shoot a glare over his shoulder. “Wolfsbane infused, Stiles.”

“Well, that’s just fantastic.”

“Your comments aren’t helping.”

“Should I start screaming for help instead? I mean, that might end up attracting the hunters, but I can scream pretty loud when I want to. The pack might hear if we’re lucky.”

“No, Stiles,” Derek said, sounding pained. Stiles sighed.

“Fine, but neither of us are dying here. Not you and your stupid shoulder wound or me and my stupid everywhere else wounds.”

Derek tensed against him. “Are they bad?”

“They?”

“Your injuries, Stiles.”

“Oh,” Stiles said, shifting a little bit. “Okay, no not really. Just a bruise or two, a black eye and a split lip. I think brown-teeth might have cracked a rib but—”

“Brown teeth?”

Stiles grinned, despite himself. “Am I wrong though?”

Derek huffed.

“Okay,” Stiles said. “What if one of us managed to wiggle out of the ropes. I mean, I could probably do it. I’m small and wiggly and—”

“And you have a cracked rib.”

“I should’ve known not to tell you about that.”

Derek sighed. Stiles squeaked in surprised as the man was suddenly moving, and then the ropes across his chest were twisting and moving along with Derek’s attempts to break free. In a matter of moments, Stiles realized the man was in a whole new position, but it was definitely not free.

“Derek,” he said, blinking at the opposite wall. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

The man didn’t answer. Stiles glanced to each side and nodded as he spotted the large legs straddling him. Because yeah, this was just his luck. And things couldn’t get any better.

“I swear to god,” he said, wishing Derek could see the venomous look currently on his face. “The next time you don’t let me do the wiggling because of a ‘cracked rib’, please remember that things like this happen.”

“Shut up, Stiles.”

“I’m just saying,” Stiles said. “This right now? This should count as a cruel and unusual punishment.”

“I could make it cruel and unusual.”

“Please don’t say things like that when certain parts of you are literally pressed against certain parts of me.”

“Stiles.”

“What, Sourwolf, are you going to tell me to shut up again? Because I’ll have you know I’ve had just about enough of that and you and— Derek.”

The man didn’t answer, but he’d gone rigid pressed up against Stiles’s back. Stiles closed his eyes for a long moment and took a deep breath, trying to calm his sudden rapidly pounding heart. It didn’t help much.

“Derek,” he said, voice cracking. “Stop that.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Some part of you is doing something.”

“Shut up, Stiles.”

“Why, is me talking a turn on? Oh my god, me talking is totally a turn on. Derek! Stop that!”

“I’m not doing anything,” the man snarled, breaths hot against his ear. And suddenly, Stiles’s heart was pounding for a whole new reason. This was so totally not fair.

“You are doing everything right now, asshole.”

“Then stop talking!”

“I always lived under the impression that my talking was a boner-killer, not the magic spell that brings one to life!”

Silence fell over the warehouse. Stiles’s face was red and hot and he forced himself not to shift, trying to relax against Derek’s chest instead. But then Derek made a small noise at the back of his throat and Stiles realized that wasn’t an option either.

“Okay,” he said softly. “How did I never know this was possible until we were literally sitting on death’s door?”

“I hate you.”

“Clearly, not all of you does.”

“Stiles, I swear to god—”

“Okay, okay,” Stiles said. “We don’t know how much longer we have until the hunters come back. Now, as terrified as I am that they come to kill us, I’m even more terrified of being caught in this position right now. So can we please try to figure out how to get out of these ropes?”

Derek didn’t answer for a moment. Then the man sighed. “I can’t break them, but maybe you can.”

“Maybe I can? How.”

“I don’t know, Stiles, use your teeth or something.”

“You want me to bend over,” Stiles said, his heart thudding against his chest even harder. “And attempt to chew through the ropes.”

Once more, Derek was silent. Stiles scoffed.

“I thought so.”

“So you’d rather we just wait here to die?”

“I’d rather we not be in the position at all, Sourwolf!”

“Oh, it’s that bad, is it?”

Stiles clenched his jaw and didn’t answer. He glared at the wall for a long moment before glancing down at the ropes circling his chest. He supposed he could try. After all, what dignity did he really have left?

“Okay,” he said quietly. “If I try this—”

“You don’t have to, Stiles.”

“I’d rather get out of here alive than dead, Sourwolf.”

Derek sighed, breaths warm on the back of Stiles’s neck. He still shivered, despite himself, and then tensed even more when he heard the man murmur a quiet “sorry”.

“Uh, dude? What for?”

“I don’t,” Derek said, and then cursed. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh,” Stiles said intelligently. He blinked a few times before it really sunk in. “Oh. I mean, dude, I’m a little hot right now. You radiate warmth like a space heater, you know that? And the ropes are rubbing a little uncomfortably across my chest—”

“Stiles.”

“Okay,” Stiles said quietly. “You’re not making me uncomfortable. I just… didn’t realize?”

“Realize what.”

“That clearly, dude, you’re all about this hot bod.”

Derek’s sigh was one-hundred percent pained. But Stiles grinned a little bit to himself, wishing he could meet the man’s gaze. He startled as Derek rested his chin on Stiles’s shoulder and the man’s lips brushed against the shell of his ear, making him shiver.

“Stiles,” Derek said softly. “Get us out of these ropes.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles squeaked. “Right away.”

Except, before he could even do anything, the door across the warehouse burst open. Stiles startled so hard, he spilled sideways. Faintly, he heard Derek shout his name, blinked as the world started to tip, and then they were both crashing hard against the floor, the impact making Stiles feeling like he’d cracked another two ribs or so.

“Oh,” Stiles said, voice cracking. “Ouch.”

“Dammit, Stiles.”

The sound of laughter filled the air as a couple pairs of footsteps approached. Stiles felt his face go hot and fixed his gaze on the floor, even as brown-teeth stood over him.

“Trying to go somewhere, boy?”

“No,” Stiles said. “Just, uh, hanging out. You know? Having a hell of a time right now.”

“You amuse me. I might kill you last.”

“... Is there any way I can dissuade you from killing me at all?”

The man chuckled and grabbed Stiles by the hair, starting to tilt his head upward. But suddenly there was a bang, a crash, and then a series of howls that struck the air.

Stiles had never felt so relieved.

Brown-teeth let his head fall back down and Stiles grunted in pain. But he’d take the stars flashing before his vision if it came with a rescue. Derek shifted against his back and Stiles felt warm breaths against his skin again.

He tensed as someone moved around the room toward them. Stiles snarled at the back of his throat as a shadow fell over them again but then Erica laughed and Stiles went silent.

He turned his head upward, blinking at the beta. She was smirking from ear to ear, eyes flicking from Stiles, to Derek, and then back.

“Well, it looks like you two got in a messy situation.”

“Erica,” Stiles groaned. “Just get us out.” 

“Hm,” she said, glancing at the ropes. “That’s wolfsbane. Have you tried using your teeth?”

Derek growled, but the beta only smirked wider. Stiles had to remind himself that murder was illegal and he was the Sheriff’s son.

Still, relief crashed over him like no other when Allison came running across the room. Stiles had never been so happy to see another pack human in his entire life.

Allison glanced over them, shared an amused look with Erica, and then dropped down, slicing through the ropes. Stiles slumped forward, wincing a little as the extra weight was put onto his rib cage. In a moment, Scott was moving across the room toward him, but Stiles waved a hand through the air, gesturing toward Derek.

“He’s the one with a wolfsbane bullet embedded in his shoulder.”

“No,” Derek growled. “He’s got a cracked rib.”

“Two now, I think,” Stiles said in a groan. “But that won’t kill me, asshole. Stop trying to be heroic.”

“You stop—”

“Okay,” Boyd said, cutting in. “There are more of us than you. Derek, do you need Deaton?”

“I need a bullet. And Stiles needs a hospital.”

“Oh my god,” Stiles said. “I hate you so much sometimes.”

“Lie.”

“Shut up.”

“Um, alright,” Scott said. “We’re going to do one more sweep of the warehouse. You two… figure this out?”

Stiles gave his best friend a withering look but Scott only smiled apologetically and backed away. As the rest of the betas followed, Stiles turned the look toward Derek. But at the man’s sweeping gaze over him, with concern in his eyes, any and all irritation melted.

“So,” Stiles said. Derek rolled his eyes, shifting a little with a grunt. 

“Shut up, Stiles.”

“What, are we just never going to talk about this again?”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Derek mumbled. Stiles looked at him for a long moment before cursing everything. Why was Derek always so difficult?

A spastic teenager and an emotionally constipated werewolf try to admit their feelings. Sounded like the beginning of a bad joke.

“Derek,” he said softly. “You don’t make me uncomfortable.”

The man eyed him dubiously. Still rolled his eyes.

“Okay, but not in a bad way. Only like, when I’m trying not to get an inappropriate boner during shirtless trainings, or when you give the betas red-eyed looks, or when—”

“Stiles.”

Stiles frowned. “The point is, I’m—”

“A teenager.”

“Eighteen.”

“Who can’t control himself, but I should be able to—”

“Derek, shut up.”

Derek gave him a sour look. Pushing himself up with a grunt, Stiles leaned forward and cupped the man’s chin, studying his face. 

“Is this control?”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“This,” Stiles said. “Is control. And this,”  he leaned closer, touching his lips to the man’s forehead, “is proof that maybe I would like to lose it sometimes, but in every good way possible—”

Derek cut him off by turning his face upward and catching his lips. Stiles grinned and hummed his approval, making Derek growl. 

They were cut off by clapping behind them. Erica looked smug, the other betas looked uncomfortable, and Scott just looked a little confused. Derek glared but Erica only grinned wider.

“Too bad all the hunters are dead. I totally would have thanked them.”

“Erica.”

“I mean all that unsolved sexual tension—”

“Erica.”

But Stiles only grinned back at her. Because a werewolf and a human get tied together; sounds like the start to a bad joke. That’s what he thought about three hours ago, at least.

The punchline though? Stiles supposed it was satisfactory in the end.

To say the least.

- -

I never realized how much I wanted to write this prompt until now. I had so much fun with it! You’re fantastic, nonnie, I hope I did it justice!

(if you enjoy my writing, consider supporting your underpaid student writer? You can also request a prompt if you’d like!). https://ko-fi.com/rh27writer

[thinking-in-symbols]

Quinquennial Life Assessment

So, it’s been a few years.  When I was 19 I posted a sort of “roadmap” for the evolution of my life on this blog.  Today I thought I’d revisit that.  I want to take a look back and see what progress I’ve made, and then in a separate post I want to turn to the future, think about how my vision for it has changed, and consider how I can reincorporate these goals into that vision.

This is the list of things I wanted to get done in varying time frames.  I’ve crossed off the things I’ve done to get a sense of my progress:

1 year:

At 19, my hopes were to accomplish the following things by age 20:

- Joined, and consistently participated in, at least 2 campus organizations that suit my interests, at least 1 of which should be competitive in nature - well, I joined the ISO and KVRX, my college radio station!  Neither of those were competitive, but in retrospect I don’t really care about that :-)

- Made concrete plans to study abroad - Nope, unfortunately I never did this.  I’m not quite sure I regret that, all things considered - I traded that experience for other things.  I did make plans to spend a few months abroad of my own accord, and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for that meddling global pandemic.  But as it stands I haven’t done this.

- Learned C++ and python to proficiency - Hm.  “Proficient” is a relative term.  But I think I have a tendency to downplay my skills, so in the interest of counteracting that I’m going to count myself as “proficient” in these languages.  I think that’s fair.

- Gone on at least a several day road trip with at least 1 friend - I’ve gone on several trips with @meeshbug​, my very lovely girlfriend and best friend in the world :-)

- Decided on a concentration beyond the extremely vague umbrella of “computer science” - Unfortunately as far as my education is concerned I never really did this.  If anything my interests have *broadened* rather than becoming more focused.  More on this later...

- Made meaningful, ongoing contributions to an open-source project - You know what?  I’ve published the source of everything I’ve ever made, and I’ve gotten to the point where I can make stuff that’s not trivial.  So I’m giving myself credit for this one.

- Learned to cook enough meals to eat in most days and not get sick of my own food - I wish.  I’ve learned to cook a fair amount of stuff but I still get way too depressed and lethargic to apply that consistently.  Whether I consider myself to have achieved this honestly depends on the month.

- Learned to keep my living area clean - I’m much better at this than I was at 19, but at 19 I could barely clear a path to walk across my room.  So there’s more work to do.  More on these last two later.

- Gotten a pet - Meesh and I have a dog named Courage (after the dog of cowardly fame) and a cat named Jax!

2 years:

- Independently written a piece of software to completion and deployed it publicly - I’ve always pretty bad at actually seeing projects through to completion, but I do have a few full, independent projects under my belt at this point.  I’ve built a simple game engine, a pathtracer, plugins for games I like, and some other stuff.

- purchased and begun regularly using some basic amateur radio equipment - Ah man.  I got my license but I still haven’t gotten any equipment.  I guess I have to get on that...

- purchased and begun experimenting with some basic music recording equipment - This one I’ve done, but I haven’t done as much experimenting as I’d like.

- hosted a party - I did this for my 21st birthday and it’s one of my favorite memories!  Honestly this was probably the last time I had all my really close friends in one place.  I’m actually getting kind of emotional about that.

- done some kind of hallucinogen - I have now done this.  I definitely did get something out of it, albeit not what I expected.  This is something I actually only did pretty recently and it’s still having a pretty profound effect.  Maybe I’ll write a separate post about this.

- Gone camping with friends - Despite my best efforts, this hasn’t happened yet.  Pretty fucked up.

3 years:

- learned to play another instrument besides the piano (guitar?) - I don’t feel comfortable crossing this one off quite yet, but I went ahead and bought myself some guitar equipment and have been messing around with it lately :-) I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and pay for lessons if I’m serious about this, which I am.

- Written and recorded a song - Damn, I can’t believe it’s been 5 years and I haven’t even done this.

- Met a group of people I can play music with - nope

- Owned a leather jacket.  I can’t believe I’ve still never even owned a leather jacket - I’ve done this and wore it frankly too much.  Kinda cringe.

- Worked as a professional software developer - Yep!  Worked as a software developer for a retail company for a couple years.  I’m actually not working as a software developer right now, though; I’m working in a sort of adjacent position.  More on this later.

- Participated in research related to my field - That’s pretty ambitious.  Not sure I’ll ever do this, unfortunately.  But we’ll see.

- Been to a film festival - Oh shit, I totally forgot about having written this.  That’s a cool idea.  I should do this, it’s not like it’s hard (well, at least in principle.  I guess covid kind of changes the situation).

- Gotten a dog - Courage is one of those, I think, although he might also be part rat.

- collected 50 records - Lol, my dumb ass really thought I was going to buy $1,000 worth of records on college money.  No, I haven’t done this, but I’m on my way there.

- Purchased a desktop computer - Well, my dad gave me his old desktop.  That’s not really a purchase but I think it counts.

5 years:

- Begun accepting freelance development gigs - haven’t gotten here yet and I’m not totally sure this is a direction I want to go in my career.  Freelancing has its own stressors as I’ve come to learn from others.  No career path is sunshine and roses and I’m trying to internalize this fact.

- Participated in a student film - Nope.  I don’t even know why I wrote this down to be honest.

- Gotten laid by solving a 5x5 Rubik’s Cube in front of a girl because surely that’s gonna have to work on someone eventually, otherwise I wasted a lot of time - These are getting weird.  Surely I didn’t really expect this to happen, right?  Well, either way I now have a long-term girlfriend, so I don’t - wait, Meesh has seen me solve a Rubik’s cube and she saw it before we started dating.  So actually I’m going to give myself credit for it.  I’m the one who makes the rules here.

- Fleshed out my political opinions - Yes, I now know everything about politics and can answer 100% of questions on political issues.  Just kidding.  But I know where I stand.

- Participated in a protest or some other kind of political event - Done!  Went to a few protests as part of the ISO, participated in lots of their events, and attended some protests with friends as well.

- Studied abroad - Nope :-/

- Learned a language other than Spanish - I took a semester of French!  But I don’t quite want to give myself credit for this one because I really would like to learn a different language to something resembling fluency.

- Run a marathon - Lmao.  I am in much worse shape now than I was when I wrote this post, and even at that time I could probably do like 7 miles if I really pushed myself.  How sad.

- Gone hiking outside of texas - This is weird because I’d literally already done this when I wrote this post.  But I’ve done it more since then, so hey!

- Been out of the country with a friend - This I had also already done.  I guess the point is to have done it without “adult supervision” or whatever.  I haven’t done this since writing this list so I guess I have to leave it uncrossed.

10 years:

- Lived with a girl for an extended period of time - Meesh 🥰

- Spent at least 6 months living on the road in an RV, preferably with a dog and a girl - God, I am so close to being able to do this.  I don’t want it to be an RV anymore - those things are expensive.  But a van?  Still pricey, but doable, especially if I’m willing to sacrifice some comfort.  This has actually been front-of-mind for a while.  I’ll let you know when I get the balls to pull the trigger.

- Started making Real Money - Well, yep, I have gotten to that point.  I do have other thoughts on this, though.  Money is weird, man.

- Lived in a long-term living space outside of Texas (i.e. not including RV time) - How long is long-term?  Three months?  If so, I’ve done this by living in Boston with Meesh for a few months after she went there for law school.  However, I anticipate staying there much longer in the near future, so I’ll wait on this crossing this one off.

- Written a book about something, idk - Not yet.  I’m halfway to the deadline on this one and I have some ideas, but ideas aren’t worth all that much, especially to me, who rarely sees them through.  We’ll see where this goes.  It’s not exactly a priority and historically I struggle to get even my priorities done.  It might make more sense to replace this with recording a concept or narrative album, for which I also have ideas that I happen to take more seriously.

- Learned to solve a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Gotten laid by solving a 6x6 Rubik’s Cube - nope

- Lived in an apartment where I pay all the rent - Yes!  :-))) We love independence

- Earned an advanced degree (this one’s iffy) - This hasn’t happened, and whether it will ever happen is something I’ve been thinking a lot about.  I sort of decided half-way through college that I would be totally burned out on school by the time I graduated.  But in retrospect it takes way less time to burn out on work than it does to burn out on school, and grad degrees are a different kind of thing.  So it’s worth revisiting.’

- Given a best man speech (Sam, this means you have to get married within the next 10 years.  Good luck out there.) - Holy shit, Sam, you maniac, you actually did it!  Sam got married back in 2019 and I gave his best man speech! It’s another one of my favorite memories :-) 

- Gone on a cruise with someone I’m dating - Hmm, not yet.  I’ve gone on cool trips, but none on a boat.  Maybe that’s something to aim for after the pandemic passes :-)

Retrospective:

1yr: Completed: 5/9

More than half isn’t bad!  I’m not gonna worry too much about whether I got these things done within their assigned “time-frame”.  I’m a procrastinator in my heart and I don’t see any reason to put that kind of pressure on myself.  The point is, they got done.  That’s enough for me.

The things I did best in in this category were academic things, and things to do with relationships.  I’m proud of the academic achievements, I really feel like doing them has increased my belief in myself and my sense that I’m good at the thing I’ve spent the last four years studying.  And of course, I am so happy to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship that brings so many good things into my life.  I almost feel like the things I accomplished sort of fell into my lap - of course I’m gonna do programming stuff as a programming student, and getting pets / going on road trips are things I did as a result of my relationship with Meesh.  I don’t say that to downplay the accomplishments, but I do think it’s worth noting.

The things I haven’t done are more to do with personal development, which is disappointing.  I would like to be able to say, 5 years down the road, that I’ve done the personal development I expected to do in just a single year, but maybe that’s a lot to expect.  These are problems I’ve dealt with my whole life.  I think what this means is that I can’t expect everything to fall into my lap.  Those things are going to take real concerted effort to change.  I’m not quite sure how to go about that, though.

2yrs: Completed: 4/6

Two-thirds!  Even better!

Lots of these are one-time accomplishments, not so much long-term commitments to personal development.  The good news is, I did them, and I think those resulted in some development in their own right :-)

Again, though, the things I didn’t do so well are the things that require long-term, concerted effort.  For instance, while I crossed off the one about experimenting with music, it’s really only the initial investment that I’ve really done at this point.  It remains to be seen whether I’ll be able to follow through on the commitment to actually experiment and learn.

3yrs: Completed: 4/10

This category also follows the same pattern I’ve noticed with the last two.  The other thing I’m noticing is that so, so much of my effort over the past few years has been going towards developing a very particular skill: programming / computer science.  Music and art are so important to me, but I’ve done very little real development in those areas.  I mean, I’ve done some.  But not as much as I would have hoped for half a decade.

5yrs: Completed: 4/10

This is getting a little more fun because less of my goals have to do explicitly with my degree.  I’m starting to think beyond college, which is good, because the stage of life I’m in right now requires me to start thinking about the kind of life I want to build now that I’m done with school.  Also, I’m at the deadline for this one right now!  So this is a particularly interesting category because it really shows where I thought I’d be by this time.

The goals I accomplished in this timeframe are, again, mostly things I’ve done through my relationship, but politics also feature pretty prominently on this part of the list.  I spent a lot of time reading and researching political issues during college and really did look for ways to participate.  I honestly made politics a pretty big part of my identity over the last 5 years, and I think it will stay that way forever, but I’ve gotten to the point where I think I need to devote less of my mental energy to knowing more.  I know what I need to know.  It’s time to think about other things.

10yrs: Completed: 4/11 (and counting!)

There’s some career stuff in this section that I’ve been able to do, which is good news.  I’ve always been scared about entering the working world.  All things told, it’s gone more smoothly than it could have.  But I also have lots of lingering doubts about what I want to do in the long term.  So one of the most pressing goals I should aim for is to resolve those doubts.

Ultimately, I have a lot of time left, and I’m not even done with this time frame, so I’m not gonna spend much time dissecting the things I haven’t done.  What I’ll do instead is say that while I didn’t do everything on this list, I feel proud of the things I have accomplished.  I said when I first wrote this list that it’s sometimes hard for me to feel that my life is moving in any particular direction, and I’m still feeling like that five years later, to be honest.  But looking back on these things has helped me see that I actually am making progress in my life.  Not in all the ways I want to, but that’s OK.  There’s still time.

In the next couple days I want to come back to this and reorganize this list into an updated set of goals, for the same time frames.  Maybe that will help me think through exactly what it is I want out of the next five-ten years, with the benefit of having analyzed the things that I did and didn’t do well over the previous five.

[vagrantblvrd]

ramwood with werewolves?

Oh my God, yesssss.

So, like.

Ryan on a long roadtrip - moving somewhere or business trip kind of thing, and his car breaks down in the middle of nowhere.

Single-lane highway cutting through a forest/national park kind of deal up in the mountains.

No phone reception to speak of and no choice but to walk however many miles to the gas station he passed a sign for a mile back.

Thing is?

There’s something in the forest, right? He first noticed it when there was a construction detour that took him where he is, glanced over and saw something in the woods keeping pace with his car.

And, like.

He’s going at least tend, fifteen miles over the speed limit in a bid to make up for time lost on this detour.

Whatever is out there veers into the woods when the highway curves, and he’s like.

Well.

Maybe he imagined it?

Sunny day and trick of the eye/play of shadows and he’s been driving for hours at that point, so.

Yes?

But half an hour later there’s a rock outcropping ahead of him overlooking the highway and something up there that’s gone by the time he drew even with it.

Too far away to make it out, and there are trees casting shadows and all that but he swears there was something there.

A few more instances where he knows (he thinks?) he saw something out there before the sun went down and he was driving down that single-lane highway in the dark.

Before his car died on him and he had to get out and check things using his (mostly) useless cell phone as a makeshift flashlight to see if he could fix it.

Which, or course he couldn’t.

So then the Walk of Doom, and he swears he’s seen horror movies that start like this?

Keeps hearing things, seeing things, as he walks along.

Owls and foxes and other things?

But also whatever he saw (thought he saw) earlier.

Big.

Fast.

Stalking him?

Hairs on the back of his neck raising and Bad Feeling and seriously, seriously, super not fun?

Eventually (somehow) he gets to the gas station without being horribly murdered in the dark.

Discovers it’s attached to a little truckstop kind of diner, open 24 hours, and wouldn’t you know it?

Geoff’s there.

(Not that Ryan knows him at that point, but shhhh.)

Geoff’s there, and so is Jack and the two of them are bickering about something or other at the counter, and look up in surprise when Ryan walks in.

Get decent business during the day, but not so much this late at night. Long haul truckers and the like every so often, people on roadtrips pushing themselves kind of thing.

Also, idiots like Ryan, but whatever.

Jack dips back into the kitchen while Geoff is like, all country charm (or Geoff’s idea of country charm) on Ryan.

Makes all the right noises when Ryan tells him about his car breaking down and wouldn’t you know it, the gas station/garage has its very own tow truck?

Turns out Jack runs the diner and Geoff runs the gas station/garage and they’ve been in business together for years.

Because of course.

Jack comes back out with thermoses of coffee for the both of them because Ryan’s not their first poor bastard with a broken down car on the side of the road in the middle of the night and all.

“Really?”

“Uh, yeah. Come to think of it, that does sound weird, right?”

(Only you know, not, but shhhh, Plot Reasons.)

So Geoff and Ryan drive back to his car where Geoff putters about trying to see if he can get it started again - he can’t - and they tow truck the fuck out of it for the drive back to the gas station/garage.

Ryan plays flashlight handler throughout, stands next to Geoff when he pokes at the car engine and whatnot and they chitchat in between Geoff trying different fixes for Ryan’s car.

Get engine grease and oil on hands and smeared on faces when wiping sweat out of eyes and the whatnot and look, okay, look, shit happens. (Also I’m weak for this stuff, give me a break.)

Nothing can be down without replacement parts and the whatnot, because of course.

Anyway!

Just when they’re about to get back in the tow truck for the drive back Ryan hears something in the woods around them again, whips around with the flashlight trying to get a good look at it and such.

Shushes Geoff when he’s trying to pinpoint where the noises are coming from and all that, but to no avail.

Geoff suggests it’s a deer or something, maybe even a bear because why not, and c’mon, Ryan, Jack’s probably got their food ready. (Because you know. Food and hungry idiots and just. Yes.)

Ryan’s like “...Alright” and off they go!

But of course as soon as Geoff starts up the tow truck there’s a fuckin’ wolf howl right fucking there.

Ryan’s like !!! because of course he is, and idk, wolves aren’t supposed to be in the area at all???

Geoff is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  because the tow truck’s engine is just so loud, you know? Big ol’ diesel or whatever, and rumblerumblerumble what was that, Ryan???

Get back to the gas station/garage/diner/truck stop and go over estimates and such - gonna take a few days for said parts to get there, but conveniently there’s also a motel there?

More like a couple of cabins, because nearby lake and honestly, the weird plot convenience things are everywhere but, uh.

Yeah.

Geoff cuts Ryan sweet deal on a cabin until he can get Ryan’s car fixed and Ryan’s like, God, yes, whatever, because he’s exhausted at that point.

Takes whatever Jack cooked up to go and crashes in his cabin. Food shoved in his facehole and dead asleep in under an hour. Barely even registers the wolf howls and the whatnot.

And then!

Next day and Ryan’s like shit because his schedule is way ruined and just.

Yes.

Everything seems pretty normal, just your typical middle of nowhere America and all that?

Songbirds and all that nonsense all over the place as Ryan heads to the diner for breakfast and all that.

Jack’s not there, because night shift, but in his place is Jeremy, because of course.

Chatting to this scrawny asshole in Gavin, back from a trip or whatever and stopping for coffee a bite to eat before heading on to the next town over where he lives/works/whatever.

Ryan’s like awkward mcawkward, especially with the way Jeremy’s attention snaps to him like whoah?

All weirdly intense and stuff for a moment before he dials it back, puts on the cheerful face and greets Ryan. Gavin joining in because new face???

And then small talk as Ryan eats breakfast, says goodbye because he forgot to grab something out of his car the night before and all that.

Feels like he’s being watched (Jeremy and Gavin???) as he walks across the parking lot.

Geoff’s not in at the garage, also because night shift, but wouldn’t you know it? Michael is. (Look, I know.)

ANYWAY.

Michael watches him the whole time, shrugs when Ryan tells him he forgot this thing in his car and waves him over to where it’s parked and so on.

Ryan grabs the thing, thanks Michael and all and scurries back off to the cabin.

And just kind of fucks around for the day, makes phone calls and whatever to explain he’ll be late and so sorry and so on.

Takes a nap because still tired from pushing so hard on the roadtrip, and wakes up just before night falls. (Some would call it dusssssk.)

Hungry, so diner?

Finds Geoff and Jack and friendly small talk while they eat and the whatnot, and Ryan nearly dies when he takes a big sip of (diet coke, because of course) and the fucking wolves start up right fucking there.

Or, like.

Somewhere in the woods nearby, but yeah.

Howling up a storm and Ryan slowly turns to look at Geoff who clearly hears it too?

But is like, wow, this food is just so darn good! Also! Must concentrate on chewing it the recommended amount so as not to choke and die! :DDDDDD

But he can’t keep it up forever and he just sighs, looks over at Ryan and is like.

So.

Spins a story about wolves moving down from the national park just north of there a few years ago and all that.

Got some rangers studying them and their movements and it sounds pretty legit?

But no, okay, no.

Geoff is all eyes darting towards Jack to see if he’s still telling a believable story and this weirdly nervous laugh and something is clearly going on?

But Ryan’s like.

Okay! :D and all.

Just goes along with it (only not so much) and finishes his dinner and turns in early - man he’s just working off that sleep debt, you know? - and then Scooby Doos some shit or whatever.

Flashlight and pack from his car and off into the woods he goes following the howls and whatnot and it’s not long before he’s in deep.

A mile into the woods at least, gas station/garage/diner/whatever the hell else far behind him and just.

Dark, dark woods. Eerie as hell and those damn howls.

Goes chasing after them, and if gets him in trouble because of course it does.

Fricking wild boar or something, and he’s just like.

Shit.

Reaches for his bag and wouldn’t you know it?

Has all these interesting things in there like wooden stakes and bottles and vials of holy water, silver bullets and other such things.

A gun, too.

Pretty little thing, but it’s not something that would do much to stop an angry wild boar in its tracks, you know?

More for silver bullets and the like and he really should have brought something with more stopping power along but - like an idiot - he didn’t think he’d need it.

After something that wasn’t a fan of silver instead, and a little tunnel-vision of him, wasn’t it?

Anyway, anyway, just as he thinks getting murderized by a wild boar is going to be part of his obituatry (assuming anyone found him) the wolves show up.

Only...obviously not normal wolves, you know?

Big motherfuckers, huge, and they chase off the wild boar.

Well, most of them do.

Because there’s a whole pack - four? Five? - and most of them take off after the mountain lion, but one of them stays behind.

Lankier than the others, fur that looks black in this light and blue, blue eyes on Ryan and just.

“Uh, hey,” because clearly not a normal wolf in the way Ryan’s not just a normal guy.

The fact it and its buddies didn’t just let the mountain lion have a go at him or come at him themselves says a lot.

(Things like probably not a problem he needs to deal with, which is always nice, but also? What now???)

Because these kind of wolves (Were) are usually not all that ofnd of people like him. (Hunters.)

The wolf huffs, and Ryan swears it rolls its eyes at him before turning and walking off a little ways. Stops to look back to see if he’s following, and makes this annoyed noise because he wasn’t, but uh.

Then he does, and the wolf huffs again before it starts walking.

Ryan is super confused/awkward as hell, but not like he has anything better to do, and follows along.

The wolf slows down until they’re even and then it’s this lovely little moonlit stroll back to the gas station/garage/diner/whatever.

Ryan starts...rambling.

Some random topic that gets little sideways looks from the wolf, occasional grumbles or huffs and so on.

And Ryan, okay.

Weirdly enjoying the walk - they hear the others howling or barking in the distance, but pretty obvious they’re out shenanigating and in no danger and all that - and all too soon they’re back at the gas station/garage/diner/whatever.

Awkward little moment where Ryan looks down at the wolf that’s absolutely laughing at him before it ambles back into the woods and Ryan’s like, well, fuck.

Hunter of some renown or whatever, but not all fantatic about it.

Got a call from a friend next town over about weird shit that’s been happening and maybe if he’s not too busy he could swing by, and then the untimely car troubles and these asshole werewolves.

Probably not them? But he’s got a few days to kill until his car’s fixed so why not do some checking around.

And he does.

Chit-chats with Geoff and Jack and the others when he gets a chance.

Definitely something totes suspicious with them but nothing that pings his Bad Feeling meter, so he figures they’re not a problem he has to deal with.

A few days later the parts for his car come in and he watches Geoff and Michael fix his car up real good -

Maybe pays special attention to Geoff during it, you know? Guy’s under his car on the little rolly thingy (words no work now) and when they get it up on the lift he’s there too.

Maybe some shirt riding up action and it’s not like Ryan’s a saint, you know? Also Michael totally catches him checking Geoff out and Ryan has the choice of spontaneously combusting from embarrassment? OR he could just look Michael dead in the eye and do that eybrow raise thing he does like hey, buddy, he’s not dead, okay?

Michael snorting because jfc, this idiot, but also kind of...impressed isn’t the right word but you get it, right?

ANYWAY.

Ryan’s car gets fixed and he heads out to see that friend of his, who, it should be noted, is of course fricking Lindsay.

She runs a little vet clinic in this adorable little touristy kind of town or some animal rescue. (Both, definitely both.)

Weird shit still happening and oh, thank goodness you made it, Ryan!!1!

Ryan is like ??? because wow,what a reception, and also -

“You forgot to mention the werewolf pack.”

Because could have been a problem?

(Lot of Hunters would have killed them, no questions asked because they’ve all got their stories and this long-running history with werewolves and just. Not a good idea to forget to mention that kind of shit, you know?)

Lindsay’s like ??? until she realizes and is just :O because, fuck.

Asks Ryan if he killed them - please say no, they’re just idiots, omg Ryan, please say no!!!

Ryan is kind of tempted to let her sweat it for a little bit longer, but no, because cruel? And also she will absolutely get revenge on him if he freaks her out for shits and giggles.

Tells her the idiot werewolves are fine, no trouble with them and that they even helped him out and just.

Yeah.

Anyway, since he can’t go investigating the weird shit until nighttime (Plot Reasons) she puts him to work as an extra pair of hands at the clinic/rescue.

He meets one of the volunteers - Fiona, and definitely not human, but he’s not sure what she is? - and these assholes in Trevor and Alfredo stop by at some point.

Complete assholes, but Lindsay clearly likes them and he honestly can’t tell if they’re human or just weird as fuck and stops trying because it hurts his brain.

He’s staying at Lindsay’s - nice ranch-style house that goes along with the clinic/rescue - and takes a nape before nightfall and his Investigation.

Goes out - this time he brings something a little bit heavy-duty than that handgun of his for those silver bullets, just in case.

Checks out the area Lindsay told him about and finds tracks and the whatnot.

Claw marks on tree trunks and in freaking stone - boulders and cave walls and fucking fuck, what the hell did Lindsay get him in to out here?

Like.

Nothing he can’t handle, but still. He was on vacation before all this.

Hunting is serious business and all? But it hardly pays the bills, and he does It or whatever else gives him a flexible schedule and opportunity to work from home and not have to explain horrendous wounds/injuries his second job gives him every so often.

ANYWAY.

Nothing conclusive the first couple of nights? But the third, fourth, one and Something is watching him.

Something that gets his Bad Feeling meter screeching at him and then something’s slamming into him and for God’s sake, why is it always like this?

And then pain, because those fucking claws and thank God he’s got something in the way of body armor under his clothes (CONVENIENT) and those claws slice through it, sure, but his insides stay where they’re supposed to so A++++ for that.

Some tussling and wrasslin’ and all that until he manages to stab it with a knife - silver to it, because it’s one of those multi-purpose things, but it doesn’t slow it down too much.

Makes it angry as hell and Ryan fumbling for the shotgun that he lost when it hit him and some shots fired.

Angry shriek, glowy red eyes and Ryan about to get disemboweled low whoah, but then these wolf howls and then actual wolves (were) and talk about last minute save by the cavalry, you know?

Whole damn pack and not at all happy with this fucker in their territory and lots of growling and snarling. A few pained yelps and wolves (were) being tossed about before running back into the fray and just.

A lot of shit going on, you know?

Whatever the hell is out there with them gets some good hits in and then goes running off to wherever.

Ryan’s not doing great (still alive, though), and the same goes for the wolves.

Ryan’s like.

“Well, shit,” because one of the wolves is limping, another has this bloody wound along its ribs and just - they’re all a mess.

Make their way back to the clinic/rescue and wake Lindsay and Fiona up - neither of them are thrilled with Ryan or the wolves, but not like anyone would be.

They get patched up Heavily Judged and then it’s Ryan telling Lindsay about their super exciting brush(es) with death out there.

A few ideas on what it could be - wendigo, it’s totes a wendigo - and all that and just.

Yeah.

Ryan and the wolves get kicked out of the exam/surgery room of the clinic/rescue because all fixed now, time for sleeps.

Ryan is just like, huh, as the three smaller wolves form a puppy pile in Lindsay’s living room. One of the bigger wolves curls up nearby and keeps an eye on them and the last one -

Dark fur that looks almost black in this light and blue, blue eyes on Ryan is just.

Watching him, at least until Lindsay goes over and looks down at it, hands on her hips and “Something to say, Geoffrey?”

Because of course it’s Geoff, and he sighs. Looks over at Ryan who is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ because he knows better than to cross Lindsay. (He still does it, but he’s gotten better at hiding it/running for his damn life before she finds out.)

Heads off to the guest room he’s using while Lindsay interrogates Geoff. Doesn’t know what he’s thinking when there’s the sound of a werwolf shifting and Geoff’s voice all “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I may be an idiot, but how dare you call me stupid,” like an absolute idiot and laughter in his voice and just.

Yeah.

Anyway!

Some stuff about Geoff and the others smelling a wendigo prowling the borders of their territory and going looking for it - whole reason Ryan saw them that first day - and so on.

Ryan showing up making things all complicated because no way to know if he’s going to be trouble for them and various shenanigans up to them saving him from the wild boar and just.

That thing where they team up to deal with the thing that almost killed them? (Kill it if it comes to that, but yeah.)

Planning and plotting, maybe a touch of scheming and also a lot of awkward flirting and feelings between Ryan and Geoff and everyone knowing about it?

Because werewolves and also Lindsay being Lindsay? Fiona being Fiona and who the hell knows with Trevor and Alfredo, also that Matt guy that’s just like. There?

Seriously.

Ryan has no fucking idea where he came from, but nobody seems to care and just. Not important to know what that’s all about.

Anyway.

Thing where they use squishy human Ryan as bait (no one’s a fan of the idea but it’s the best one they have) and then shit goes wrong.

Ryan almost dies, but thankfully he’s got a pack of werewolves on his side and the wendigo’s the one who dies.

And then Ryan healing up and such while the werewolves loiter about.

Or, like.

Geoff, really, since Jack has to deal with the diner and Michael takes care of the gas station/garage and Gavin goes with them, and then.

Uh.

Awkward flirting while Linday is freaking dying at how dumb they are? (Fiona is ignoring them because no, just no. She’s got enough pining idiots in her life, what with Gavin and Jeremy and Michael being the most clueless fucks to ever live.)

Eventually Lindsay has enough of their bullshit and is like. “OH MY GOD,” and tells them they either need to figure their shit out or get their pining asses out of her house and then kicks them out anyway.

To, like.

Feed the rescue animals and the whatnot? But also akwardly talk about feelings and all that and then, you know.

Smooches in front of the birds of prey  habitat/house/whatever Lindsay’s got going on for them.

Which he does, because while he is super happy with smooching Geoff and all that they did just meet.

Might be a good idea  to see if they like one another while not involved in potentially deadly situations and all that.

So the whole long distance relationship for a while? Phone calls and video calls and virtual dates. Well, one, before they break down lauging at how ridiculous it kind of is?

Ryan taking a few days for himself and heading back to the gas station/garage/diner/whatever for a few days and actual dates. (Plus smooches and fade to black scenes because woo-hoo, in the SIMs vernacular.)

And then!

Geoff being :(((((((((((((((((((((( because things are great between him and Ryan?

But werewolf and he loves his pack, assholes that they are, but he misses Ryan because he smells real nice and he’s got that soothing/beloved heartbeat and all this other stuff that would super creepy in a different context because what the fuck, but because werewolf it’s just really sweet.

ANYWAY.

Ryan’s like, “Hmmm,” like he hasn’t been talking to Lindsay - and Jack - about getting a place out there.

Because the whole thing of him being in IT for a day job and working from home, and wouldn’t you know it there’s a nice little house/cabin-thing out by the gas station/garage/diner/whatever.

Other side of the lake where Jack and the Lads have cabins/whatevers and cozy and shit and enough room for two, if Geoff feels like moving in???

Takes Geoff on a little walk around the lake while he’s there for weekend or something, stroll right on up to that house/cabin-thing and mentions something about what a great view of the lake it must have in the morning?

Geoff’s like, hmm, yeah, because sure why not? Kind of sad because Ryan’s supposed to leave in the morning and it’s getting harder and harder to say goodbye when he leaves?

And then Ryan’s going up the steps, wiping dust/whatever off the windows to look inside and Geoff’s like.

“Uh, maybe don’t do that?” because wow, no?

The owners are never around  have been trying to sell it for years, but still, you know?

Ryan looking back at him all ??? because why not?

Geoff a little annoyed as Ryan just keeps on being obllvious about what a bad idea all that poking around the house/cabin thing is until Ryan’s like >:DDDDDD and pulls out a key to unlock the front door and walks on in.

Geoff being !!! before following him, still confused as he follows Ryan around inside until he realizes he can smell Ryan.

Like.

All over the place inside, scent a few days old and he’s like “What the f - “ as he checks the place out.

Realizes all the cardboard boxes around the rooms aren’t dusty at all, have Ryan’s scent and handwriting all over them.

Turns to see Ryan standing there trying to look like a smug bastard?

But he smells nervous, and he’s projecting awkward as hell and just.

“Ryan?”

Ryan and a nervous laugh and telling Geoff that the rent on his place is way overpriced and he doesn’t like his neighbors all that much. (Mutual kind of thing, but no need for Geoff to know about that.)

Babbles on for a bit before he gets to the part about Lindsay and Jack helping him look for a place out here. Ryan packing up his life and dropping it all off here a few days ago.

Figured things with Geoff were going well enough he was ready to do something about it.

And if things don’t work out, it’s not like he can’t just move somewhere else afterwards, you know? Just getting by where he was living and potential for something good here with Geoff and the others if he took a risk, and  -

“Geoff?”

Geoff just staring at Ryan like Ryan doesn’t fucking know - good? bad?? indifferent??? - and then he’s being tackled, the two of them hitting the floor hard because idiots, but, you know.

Geoff laughing and smooching him - and also calling him an idiot and an asshole and -

“Wow, Geoff, wow,” because hurtful words and Ryan’s delicate heart and Geoff just.

Shaking his head and this fond look and Ryan’s laughter trailing off as he looks at Geoff.

Old asshole, sure, but he’d got some good traits in there too. (Everyone says so.)

“Asshole,” Geoff says, and there’s this...his voice doesn’t break, he’s not a fucking adolescent, but there’s a lot of emotion in there, and then there’s some smooching to keep Ryan from making fun of him, which Ryan was kind of angling for anyway, so it’s all good.

[naromoreau]

From the writing prompts. ‘ sit still and let me take a look! ’ For your choice!

Thank you so much for this! This one is my first John Seed/ F!Dep ficlet that turned out into idk what seriously. lol 

Thank you so much to @seedsplease for allow me to use her OC, Levi the peggie in this fic! ____________________________________________

It’d been a bad idea now that she ran her train of thoughts backwards. Attacking Seed Ranch under the moonlight, half-wasted and maybe a bit bliss-highed, under the blurry daydream that everything was just an extension of her Metal Gear Solid campaign was stupid. And it wasn’t even a pivotal stratagem because as far as she knew, the younger Seedling was still tucked away in his harrowing dungeon at the Bunker.

But she needed to prove a point. To herself. She needed to know she wasn’t afraid of coming back and jump head first into the free-for-all clusterfuck in Hope County. She unconsciously dragged her fingertips over her scarred chest while memories of her close encounter with the self proclaimed Baptist harred through her mind. No, she wasn’t afraid of John. But fuck, the injury still hurt her pride. And she’ll well damn return the favor, snatching his own house from under his very nose.

In a haze, her hand closed around the trigger of her sniper rifle and aimed. If only her targets would stop wobbling. Really, drinking while working. These peggies had no shame. She took the shot, but the bullet collided against a flammable cylinder next to the porch, exploding in a magnificent fire Sharky would definitely have approved.

“Oops.”

The flames licked the balustrade, now spreading to the stairs and she revelled with a devilish grin in the bewilderment and panic painted in the faces of the peggies.

“Put that fire down, and someone explain to me how this happened!” A man in a leather trench coat, probably the one in charge, moved hurriedly among the crowd that had gone haywire. “Brother John is going to be furious!”

She stifled a laugh biting the flap of her flannel, and adjusted her scope, drawing a bead on yet another red cylinder. Unfortunately the alcohol had damped her reflexes significantly and she tripped with the root of a nearby tree.

“You hear that?” A nearby man, dressed in the unfashionable peggie-mayonnaise craned his neck to where she was hiding, and slowly trod in her direction.

Oh fuck. She drew her pistol and turnt up as she was her shots missed the peggie’s head by good five inches hitting him in the shoulder. Mayhem unleashed at the first blast throwing to the trash bin her stealthy maneuvers.

“Sinners!”

The outside of the house crawled within seconds with a heavily armed crew, as bullets snickered in the air, rippling the silence around her. She rolled to a side, as her previous spot was soon overrun by overzealous goons looking for her blindly. She took one, two, three guards down, before dodging enemy gazes behind a bush at the very front of the house, choking with the smell of gunsmoke.

“There! Behind those bushes!”

Shit was getting problematic. Her attention snapped at the shouted words, her ears ringing by the bullets landing closer and closer to her, and before she could veer off course, two projectiles shredded the skin of her arm and abdomen.

She yelped loudly. It hurt like a motherfucker.

“Stop the fire!”

She paled to her lips. Damn. She knew that voice; that cloying tone still sending shivers down her spine. Fighting through the agonizing pain, she lifted her eyes and her ragged breath caught in her throat. Apparently her intel was wrong. Fucking Dutch. John Seed stood at the threshold, slowly descending the partly charred stairs with that smug walk of his that she found equally magnetizing and loathsome.

Everyone froze in place as he closed the distance to where she was hunched down, soaked in her own blood, drawing breath after breath to quell her…fear?

“Take her inside,” he said signaling to a burly man that stood with his head bowed next to him. The darkness and the loss of blood made everything seem bleary, so she wasn’t sure if his words really carried streaks of concern or was just her heart thundering in her ears. His blue eyes could’ve carved her soul, etching deeper than his needle.

“Fuck off John. I rather take a bullet to the head than spent a minute with you alone, again.” She hawked blood and saliva at his feet, glaring at him. She knew it was futile, like the pathetic little roars of a kitten trapped in a dark alley.

A gamut of emotions flickered on his face and she could’ve sworn pain waved back at her for a fleeting second, before disappearing behind a self-satisfied grin.

“Don’t tempt me my dear.”

She huffed and kicked hopelessly when his subordinate carried her bridal style into the house but her legs felt shaky and weak, and the effort puffed all the air out of her lungs. She shot a final glance behind her where another peggie picked up her forgotten rifle and pistol, dragging them away from her. She grunted.

Once they were inside, she chewed down a malicious comment. So much for humbleness. John Seed’s Ranch was lush and elegant, looking more like a luxurious lodge than a battle post.

“Put her in the couch,” John said standing at the center of the living room.

She untangled her arms of the unfairly broad shoulders of the peggie as he placed her down carefully. He gave her a final mistrustful gaze, and stood next to the door.

“Should I post guards at the door, Brother John?”

John fidgeted with a pocket knife before closing it, placing it on the coffee table, a lopsided grin tugging his lips. “No, Levi. She’s barely a threat at this point.”

His comment lit the fire in her blood. “Maybe you should listen to Levi, John.” She cocked an eyebrow, stomping down a wince, as her side and arm throbbed in pain.

“Leave us,” John said to the peggie, ignoring her completely.

Her heart was thumping so hard, she could feel it under every inch of her skin, whatever amount of blood left in her system pooling in her cheeks.

“Relax my dear,” he said sauntering towards her, his boots tapping against the wooden floor as the tickle of a doomsday clock, drawing closer and closer. “I’m not going to hurt you, trust me.” He sat at the edge of the couch, face relaxed and attentive.

“Ah- kinda hard to believe man,” she said, brows furrowed, trying to scoot backwards and away from him, “last time you were very determined to do some very hard damage.”

John drew a hand forward, as if he intended to touch her and she shivered. He heaved a sigh, pulling back. “I think you need medical attention first, Deputy.”

“Yeah, so ah- could you let me go?” she asked as he stood up, fumbling between the things of a near cabinet.

“So you can bleed out on your way to wherever is you’re going?” His voice came muffled as he was half stuck into the mahogany furniture.

Sweat beads fell down her forehead, flyaway strands of hair sticking to her temples. “You said so yourself, I need medical attention,” she bit back, fighting back a grimace.

He made his way back to her, holding a first aid kit. Oh great.

“And that’s what you’re getting,” he said sitting again next to her. “Now sit still and let me take a look.”

He took gauze and clean cloth along with a peroxide bottle and some antiseptic gel out of the box. She bit her lower lip. There wasn’t much she could do in her position, and who was she to look the gift horse in the mouth. If he was offering his help, she could well accept it to ebb away the ache in her body. After all, she didn’t want to see wrath flooding him as she’d seen in the bunker.

So she held her arm in front of him.

“This is just a scrap, you’ll be fine,” he said brushing gently the red burned flesh, grabbing her wrist with a merciful grip, almost kind. Almost tender.

What the hell was going on?

“That’s a relief.” The irreality of the situation was kicking her in the gut. Only three weeks ago this same man had thrown her into hell, alive and breathing, searing in her mind memories too gruesome to forget.

“Now, darling, where is the other?” he said, throwing the bloodied cloth on a trash bin and preparing a new one.

She flushed beet red. Modesty wasn’t something she particularly enforced, especially not under duress but there was something about John that rattled her walls, whether she wanted to admit it or not. “Ah…”

“We don’t have all day my dear Deputy.” He looked at her with a tinge of exasperation.

Her breath was shallow but she managed to control it. “Okay, fine, fine, hold on.” She pulled off her torn shirt, placing it in the floor and twisted her upper body so he could see the wound at the side of her abdomen.

There was a slight delay in his answer she didn’t fail to notice. “It looks- uh, it looks nastier than the other one,” John said, flicking out his tongue in an unconscious gesture, barely grazing her skin with shaky fingers in a place Rook didn’t feel any pain at all.

“Uh, John?” she side eyed him, watching him struggle to keep his charming, nonchalant facade.

He inhaled deeply and the air let out his lungs in a short blow. “I’m sorry my dear, I’ll clean this right away.”

He started working on her skin with the precision of a surgeon, shushing her when the pain of the chemics burned her skin and she cried out.

“Can I ask you something?” She said with a low moan as the pain began to subside, her head buried in her arms, as he kept working.

“I doubt a ‘no’ would deter you of doing so, darling.” He shot her a sincere smile and something tumbled in her stomach.

Pathetic.

“Am I leaving your Ranch in a coffin?” she spluttered, brushing aside the flurry of emotions galloping inside her.

“Don’t be absurd. If I wanted you dead I would’ve done so before you torched half my property and killed half my guards,” he said casually, as he spread the gauze, dressing her wound. “No, Deputy. I don’t want you dead. I want  you saved.”

And there he was again. The John she knew, but severely toned down, the maniacal edges that flickered to life during their last encounter, subdued.

“Thanks?” She offered. “I don’t understand, last time was so-”

“Rough?” He cut her off, chuckling. “I know, and I should apologize.”

Her face shifted from curiosity to certified wariness. “Excuse me?”

He finished his handiwork and leveled his gaze with hers. Christ in Heaven, those blue eyes. Sometimes cold as lakes in the winter, yet other times filled with warm, sparkling life as it was the case right now.

“After you left, Joseph spoke to me, and he, eh, he showed me my ways were wrong, that I wouldn’t get what I–,” he stopped and cleared his throat, “what the Project wants from you out of fear.”

“And what’s that?”

“That you truly accept us in your heart.”

A clear laughter rang in her ears. Her own laughter. The sound so unfamiliar, it cracked a shudder on her body.

“And how do you intend to do that?,” she asked, certainly curious.

He stood up and placed the first aid kit away and her body complained silently and unwittingly for his absence. “I want to show you that pain is not the only thing I–,” he sighed, shaking his head, “that we can offer you. I want to show you that is love what opens the Gates, and you should embrace it.”

Her mouth had gone dry, and she was barely able to resist as John came back and effortlessly swooped her in his arms. Solid, muscular arms, that lifted her as if she was light as a feather. The minty spice of his scent flared up her nose, eliciting a sigh she was determined to attribute to her dog-tired state. This wasn’t happening. Maybe she was stuck in one of Faith’s fucking Bliss crops, dozing off and any minute now Sharky was going to wake her up setting her on fire by accident. As a hundred times before.

He carried her up the stairs to an empty room with a full size bed, and placed her on top.

“This will be your home for a while,” he said sitting next to her and tucking auburn strands of hair behind her ears and everything she could do was look at him, astonished and rattled. “Don’t think about leaving, my darling, because everything you need is here.”

He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and walked away. As she saw him disappearing from her sight the thought that haunted her the most was that to her dismay, leaving, was the last thing on her mind.  

[bibbleboo]

Could we get some headcanons/more background on Abbey and Doyle’s kids? 🥺👉👈 I love the premise of this AU

YEEEEE (im just gonna ramble a bunch about the backstory i have so far but ill put it in bullets so its easier to follow lol i apologize for it being long as fuck-)

OKAY SO,,, first of all,,, doyle and abbey timeline,,,, [i am looking respectfully]

in this au, they get back together and have a sort of ‘lovers pretending to be enemies’ chaotic on again/off again hookup thing off to the side just between the two of them thru like Most of the final season, they try to keep it a secret (especially doyle who doubts the saturdays would be hAPPY if he was seeing her again) but in the end, saturdays ofc find out, probably are unsure about it at first, but she gains enough of their trust to be there for the big finale battle in the weird world mansion.

when shit goes down and argost becomes the vessel for the two opposing kurs (regular kur, and the anti kur from zak monday) and they like. explode his matter or w/e, i imagine instead of kur just completely disappearing, the ‘anti kur’ gets shot back to its universe, while original kur gets forced into a new vessel in this universe... the closest of which happens to be the unborn child abbeys unknowingly carrying. basically, what if the two kurs just LOOKED like they evaporated but actually did what happens when you try to like tape two same sides of a magnets together and they YEETED-

So thats how we have Parker, their firstborn daughter! and this... also implies ‘Parker Monday’ exists which. 8^) i havent thought about yet so forgive me on that but hoo, 

they dont know parker is kur, they got no idea and rly just assume kur is gone for good. but after they find out abbeys pregnant (which is a huge emotional trip for both of them in its own right) they do eventually sort of agree they dont want their kid exposed to that whole world of mystery. like, ik its a vital thing to the whole family, and ik these two people were probably voted least likely to ‘settle down’ in high school, but i cant imagine they didnt escape the kur/zak situation without a LOT of trauma, so while the saturdays stay in the cryptozoology field, doyle and abbey slowly pull away from the mystery and mercenary stuff, and also instead of going for big dollar lifestyle settle with ‘independently wealthy’ parenting.

also, neither of them really . grasp the concept that theyve even started a family, and are ‘together’, and that this is REAL, until around when she gets pregnant with their second daughter, Kendall. and then theyre like. oh nooo wait are we actually like boyfriend and girlfriend EWW-

when kendall is born parker is 3, and the next like 10+ years are pretty smooth sailing. as far as what the kids know/see, they probably know the cryptids when theyre little but. (tw animal death sORRY TO BE DARK I JUST??????) idk,, how long komodo dragons live/how old komodo already is and i definitely dont know Anything about giant prehistoric birds and am not even sure if science knows that lifespan, so. im not sure how long they could really be in each others lives??? i almost imagine parker would have memories of them that she assumes she remembers wrong, like “oh yeah they used to have a lizard and a bird... my imaginative little kid brain thought they were a komodo dragon and a dinosaur”, and as for fisk im still working on it but i . actually kind of imagine he might have a much longer lifespan (since lemurians are like ancient or w/e? and also if hes by dna like a gorilla cat or w/e gorillas at least live long af) and also feel like once he got older and settled down a bit he might live somewhere in the woods, maybe even his old tree? and the saturdays see him ALL the time obviously, but hey zaks gotta go to college eventually, a gorilla cats gotta eat bugs in forest, we all have to grow up and leave the nest sometime,

so idk the last time parker has actually seen fisk and she might assume he was an imaginary friend or smth but, 1. if i do write a fic they absolutely have to meet again, 2. overall the vibe is they know the saturdays are cryptozoologists, like, the same way josh gates does destination truth, seeking answers and studying, they dont really. know that theyre REAL. to them its like, a hypothetical science. (this is also part of why they dont realize parker is kur, she isnt around cryptids and therefore whenever her powers would actually show up they wouldnt be recognized) anyways parker isnt embarrassed or put off by it but just thinks its a little wacky, meanwhile kendall is obsessed with the world of mystery/paranormal/cryptic lol

speaking of the girls personalities;;;

parker is like. not really normie/preppy, even if she seems it at first glance, shes nice and has a good head on her shoulders but also is a teenage girl (inherently unhinged) and shes THEIR teenage girl (+5 feral) so despite her success and charm shes also very witty/crass when she wants to be, and deep down shes closer to the kind of person that would on pure inexplicable instinct put something random in your mouth when you’re yawning so you bite down on it afterwards. or like. that video of the girl singing in the bathroom while her friends curl their hair and she grabs the curler to use as a microphone before realizing its burning hot??? shes. the voice of reason, but the voice is usually shrieking in fear, making a cursed joke, or half the time whatever shes saying is actually smart. she kinda wants to go to college and travel, but struggles with indecisiveness and anxiety, so she has no idea where to go, what to major in, etc. and is again kinda just livin thru the typical teen life in that regard

kendall on the other hand is like. weird kid culture, the kind of kid that believes they are secretly a new supernatural creature each year (mermaid phase, werewolf phase, alien phase, etc), probably completely accidentally starts cults or witch covens at school (didnt realize teaching peers how to become ‘blood brothers’ and ‘make potions’ from puddles and stolen school supplies would be taken so seriously by parents) , very into emo/scene/punk/alt culture but not rly in an overtly dark/edgy way, more of a having fun and expressing self way. she wants answers for everything, really loves mysteries and being open minded, and definitely a rebel/adventurer at heart, even if she gets naive or in over her head sometimes.

the girls get along well! parker is not dismissive of kendall she just. isnt really into the same stuff/is more freaked out by it most of the time, but she would tag along on certain adventures, especially if it was to keep her safe. and kendall definitely directs gentle mockery towards parker a lot but does see her as a good role model and guiding figure, their bond is really strong!

other details !

doyle and abbey prob decide to say fuck it and get married after kendall is born, they probably have a few rough patches but nothing is more important to them than the kids now and in the end they understand each other better than anyone else so . canon tension idk her! family ftw! power couple! they intimidate the teacher during parent teacher conferences together hand in shady little hand !

their parenting style is exactly what one would imagine, 70% fun and sass and controlled chaos where theyre the bigger children than their children, 15% ‘this is how you hack the government and dual wield swords-- i was not supposed to teach you that im sorry’, and 15% actual guidance / emotional depth / etc. flaws might be overcoming their own immaturity for the first few years, and then being lowkey overly protective (while claiming they arent, but just bc you semi jokingly tell parker she should join the football team doesnt mean you dont actually hide 60% of ur life from her and check that her bedroom windows are locked every night and have 24 people listed in her school emergency contacts and used to cut up her food till she was 7 and-)

so abouT THE BABY BOY (Phoenix), 1. his middle name is leonidas bc im gay and i love emotional turmoil babes , 2. fully unironically the idea behind such a late pregnancy is abbey would be mid fourties when hes born right. so like. [has two kids] ‘ok birth control time’ [when theyre teens many years later] ‘ok im old enough to stop taking this’ [the hyperfertility curse that plagues many women rears its ugly head with one last hoo-rah]

and finALLY a very quick elevator pitch of what id write an actual fic to focus on;;; kendall sneaks into the attic to look for old shit bc they BOTH know their parents have been hiding stuff over the years, she finds things like a cryptopedia (now offline), the claw, maybe even a piece of the kur stone, and ropes parker into the long haul of figuring out what all this stuff is. and ofc the second they ever find the naga relic and parker comes face to face with it, [rest in rip] time for mom and dad to find out and all this kur shit to start ALL over again-

[inadequate-nefelibata]

I’ve been thinking a lot about about that clea duvall interview in queery and i found out that many queer ppl i liked, were actually outed. and ok since i’m drunk, I’ll bite this bullet... I’m glad there’s no real macchio-zabka rpf :/ or at least, if there is, i hope it never becomes overly popular.

so, okay, they joke around a lot and we joke around and that’s fine. also, I know there are gray areas in fandom. (like idk how ralph would feel about the fact that we call him a lesbian, or how mr zabka would feel about the fact that i made a gif of him with the word ‘whore’ on it), and curiosity is a normal thing. there’s never going to be a super clear cut idea of what is and isn’t acceptable in fandom spaces. and tbh certain actors are going to be uncomfortable with things they have no bussiness feeling uncomfortabe with. like the people who don’t like it when fans say their character is queer. 

but it’s different when it comes to actually speculating/ forming a fandom around an rpf relationship, especially, especially, one that would be queer if it was real. i know tumblr can feel like secret corner of the internet, but if a fandom is big in enough it will spill over. and here’s where the clea duvall interview comes into play because if you listen to any famous person that dealt with journalists and fans making persistent attempts at outing them, you’ll know that it really fucked with those people. she talks about having to evade that question in interviews, about that time where she was told that there were no journalist, so she talked a bit about her experiences with what she thought were just fans. only to find out that someone had published an article about her ‘coming out’ without consulting her. And here’s the thing, i know that those people are despicable and most fans here would never do something like that. but the problem... the problem is that those people didn’t really care about clea duvall’s sexuality. i mean, maybe they were curious but the thing that made them ask that question, write that article, take that picture, etc was the fact that they knew there was an audience for it. they knew it would get attention, it would sell.  that’s where the whole... fandom presence thingie can become tricky. 

I don’t know. this fandom is pretty small. and it’s pretty tame when it comes to them. I mean, this probably not going to be an issue. i just. i’m drunk and i worry. and i hope this is something that most people are aware of. and i think that the whole ‘celebrities being outed’ should be a bigger discussion, honestly.  

[frozs]

I only have twelve bullets, and you’re all gonna have to share: Chapter 1/4

Summary:

Hidan and Rock Lee race around the world trying to find Orochimaru, the dickhead who made Hidan immortal. Deadpool inspired fic.

Warnings: Swearing and shit, Hidan x Ino (Is that even a warning? idk) 

Word Count: 3, 527 

@syndellwins​

“For peace, and silence, we have our sacrifices that make Konoha, and the rest of the world yearn for peace…”

All Hidan could hear was: blah blah. blah, blah blah.

(Blah blah).

“For The Will of Fire, amen.”

Everyone said amen at once, except for Hidan, who wasn’t paying attention. His girlfriend, Ino, was sobbing quietly into a polka dot handkerchief next to him. Hidan had only turned up because Ino demanded he pay respects to her father, who’d lost his life during The Fourth World War. He’d been in the intelligence division, and although he didn’t like Hidan very much, Inochi supported their “relationship” - if you could call it a relationship. It definitely wasn’t a normal relationship.

Inopig - Ino’s pet miniature pig - was sitting on a cushion next to Ino, whose handkerchief matched the frilly vest she’d dressed the little creature in. On Hidan’s side was probably some other blonde haired, blue eyed Yamanaka who looked at him accusingly as if he shouldn’t be there.

Ino had said that Hidan should come along to the memorial service, especially because it was religious, and told him to pay his fucking respects as he was a good little god-fearing twit, wasn’t he?

Ino and Hidan were both snarky fuckers who somehow managed to make their relationship work in a war zone. The Yamanakas played a large part in the war, in the area of intelligence-gathering and interrogation. Ino was promoted to head of interrogation after the enemy blew up HQ, and quickly she and Hidan became a close-knit team; she as the interrogator, and he the torturer.

They had mostly argumentative hate sex in the secluded dugout where nobody went - once even someone got shot and died just as they finished. Ino had pushed away, saying that was disgusting. Hidan had paid more attention to the blood splatter on his face while Ino grumbled about getting brains and half an eyebrow on her skirt before they went back to work. Sai came to announce that they’d captured a Kumo spy, so Hidan went to rip their fingernails off with pliers while Ino calmly spoke to them, trying to extract information about the Raikage’s whereabouts, all while giving them a good look at her cleavage.

Hidan had been staring at Ino’s leg for the last few minutes, thinking about the amount of sacrifices he had made to Jashin during the war. Was it eighty-five, or eighty-six sacrifices?

It was definitely eighty-six, said the little fucked up voice named Jashin in his head. Ino elbowed him in the ribs, so he stopped and pretended to pay attention to the long list of names of those who sacrificed their lives for the Fire, Wind, River and Steam countries to ensure peace in the world.

He left the shitty temple with its shitty wooden pews before the shitty people attempted to have an even shittier conversation with him. He was regarded as batshit insane compared to the rest of the folk in Konoha. He was the only person in the world who was pissed the war was over. Hidan was a soldier, not a civilian, and he was not interested in the sissy civilian life of working at a supermarket scanning tampons at eleven o’clock at night - something which might even happen if he continued to be broke and acted like he was talking to some crazy fucker in his head named Jashin all the time.

There was a military parade in the afternoon following the memorial service, showcasing the surviving Konoha, River and Suna soldiers doing the goose step. They looked strong and serious, chins up with rifles to their left side and headbands showing their alliances. Floats with papier mache animals moved their eyes forward and back, as people used rods to move the hands up and down as if they were waving. A marching band played in front of the parade. He recognised the song they were playing, Soldiers of The Old Home Guard, while the leaders of Konoha and Suna, the Hokage and the Kazekage, waved from their seats politely, opposite Hidan and the crowd of mostly women and children clapping and cheering. They didn’t even ask Hidan to participate as the only remaining Yugakure soldier left.

He could figure out why he hadn’t been invited to join in. The nickname Hidan of Hot Water stuck, because of his foul temper, and it was almost as though steam came out of his ears when he was shouting. Not to mention he was from a tourist resort, not a military state. Sometimes he wouldn’t have minded putting his bayonet into asshole Konoha soldiers who smirked when he muttered his prayers at nightfall by the glow of a matchstick (they’d taken his fucking candles) who said that their religion, The Will of Fire, was the correct and only religion that mattered. Hidan tried to argue that it wasn’t a religion, it was more of a tradition, but nobody cared.

Burnt out crates littered Konoha like strays, as nobody had got rid of them yet. Blackened buildings were a common sight. The smell of dirt permeated the air as people’s shoes scuffed up the dirt, making the ground look like brown fog. He could see the parade bringing in more floats of Mount Myoboku, the legendary One Tail and including one that was marked WILL OF FIRE with people handing out pamphlets.

Hidan took one anyway. Be Loyal To Your Country, it read. “Fucking patriotism at its worst,” he mumbled. “Ow!”

Inopig bit Hidan’s ankle and snarled at him. Well, as much of a snarl as a pig the size of a piggy bank could muster. A few people looked around in surprise.

Hidan snarled back - that pig fucking hated him, and he returned the feeling. “What do you want?” he snapped. Usually Inopig had a reason to be following him around, usually outside the interrogation room while he was having a break after slowly pushing pencils into people’s ears while they screamed in glorious agony. He spotted on Inopig’s collar a note shoved between the skin and the ugly jeweled band covering her fat neck.

“Don’t bite - for fucks sake - ow!” Hidan managed to get the note off Inopig before she pushed her snout into his hand to bite him a second time. Pulling himself onto a nearby bench so that Inopig wouldn’t try to attack him again, he read, in Ino’s neat handwriting, Hidan get your ass over here right now, someone’s been looking for you! on ornate Yamanaka Flowers Stationery.

He followed Inopig through the narrow rubble-covered streets of Konoha, ignoring the stares, currently from a mix of Suna and Konoha folk with banners and rifles. Konoha was slowly getting back on its feet after a more than a year of war against the neighbouring large countries. As Inopig and Hidan approached Yamanaka Flowers, he realised there were now little chairs outside with umbrellas over them, and the blackboard a-sign announced new stock: candles, keyrings, vegan treats, stationery sets in store now!

“Oi! Angel of the Morning. You sell candles and vegan shit now?” Hidan said loudly, entering Yamanaka Flowers. Ino didn’t look up, until he reached up where the top lock was on the door and dinged the bell loudly several times with his finger. Ding ding.

Ding.

Dingdingdingdingding-

“I can hear you, shut up,” Ino said, turning around and crossing her arms. Inopig trotted to her owner, who patted her on the head and gave the pig a treat. Inopig squealed in delight, then plonked down on the cushion she usually occupied in the shop corner. Her beady eyes remained on Hidan, who glowered back.

“Can’t you send a carrier pigeon next time, jeez? My poor ankle.” Hidan pulled up a camouflaged leg to show a dark red mark. He didn’t seem to have a spare change of clothes that weren’t the Yugakure military uniform.

“Hmm…” Ino put a finger to her lips and looked up at the ceiling. She spend a few seconds pretending to actually reconsider using a carrier pigeon instead of Inopig to send messages.

“Well?” asked Hidan impatiently.

She smiled. “No.”

Figures. Hidan pretended to look interested in the new stock shelf which had been decorated with plastic orchids.

“What do you want?” Hidan wasn’t even going to try and be nice. Ino knew Jashin came first, and she came a very, very distant second in Hidan’s life. “Is someone pissed at me again?”

“Someone asked me to hand this to you,” said Ino, tapping her finger at a piece of paper while she balanced flower stalks on those metal spike things so they held up on display - Hidan forgot what they were called. “It’s like a Jashin meeting, or something?”

He perked up at the word Jashin.

“Really?” He stalked over and swiped up the paper. It was on pale blue card, typed out neatly, informing that there was a Way of Jashin meeting tomorrow, at the local temple that had held the memorial service this morning. “There must be a Lord Jashin follower around here. Like for fuck’s sake, I thought I was the only one.” He pulled his hair back, cherishing the card as if it was his firstborn.

His heart - his cold dead heart - as Ino called it, felt happy, instead of moody and shitty since the war was over. Ino shrugged. She had no interest in Jashin, and she was up-front about it. One of her hobbies was intentionally pissing Hidan off about it for fun.

“You better go then, see what other freaks will be there who also like taking pleasure in the suffering of others.”

“I think I will,” Hidan put the blue card and put it in his back pocket, “Might find myself a hot Jashinist girl, and we can go sacrificing some lambs together.”

“How romantic,” Ino remarked, with more than a hint of sarcasm. She had finished putting the stalks on the spikes, and was placing them carefully in vases for the front shop window. Inopig had stretched her trotters out and was now snoring loudly.

“I better prepare,” said Hidan, and he waved as he walked out the shop. “See you, bitch.”

“Bye, dickhead.”

In retrospect, he really should have realised something was up, because Jashin followers were almost nonexistent. He knew of several, but they weren’t soldiers - they owned butcher shops, mostly, but spent their night sacrificing lambs in caves and carving the circle-triangle symbol into their chests while screaming in glorious Jashin-filled agony.

Hidan ignored the parade on the way back, which had almost finished up by the time he had crossed the main streets to get back to his hotel. Ino’s mother refused to let him stay in the Yamanaka apartment after Ino mentioned that her boyfriend was a Jashin follower and that they were also pretty mean to each other on purpose. The foreign soldiers were currently staying at the hotel. River and Suna soldiers were just about to get out a pack of cards to play in the lobby after their bit in the parade had finished. They whispered when he approached, gossiping about his exploits during the war.

“Eighty-three hits? Wow.”

“Yeah, but he’s mental. He’s always going on about his delusional God.”

“Jashinists are weird as fuck. Just ignore him.”

He turned around to the Suna moron who had been polishing his headband. “It’s eighty-six confirmed hits, dickhead.”

He then spent the next twenty-four hours studying his scripture, as if he didn’t know it off by heart already. But there was always something new to be found in it, and he had sent off for a copy of the old testamental version through mail order to be delivered to his hotel room. Inopig didn’t come back with any more messages from Ino, so he stayed in his room. He used an old maths compass needle to re-carve his Jashin symbol into his chest, and then two onto the underside of his feet, which represented the earth he would walk on and its sacrifices made for him. Walking through the pain - literally - made him feel closer to God.

At six o’clock the next day, he dodged the crowds of happy veterans all fattening themselves up with ramen and yakitori. He recognised a few faces, such as Sai, who also worked in Intelligence with them, and Shikamaru, an old friend of Ino’s. Sai had that horrible smile on his stupid face again and Shikamaru raised his eyebrow only a tiny bit in acknowledgement when Hidan strolled past.

Can’t believe there’s a fucking Jashin meeting in this temple.

The temple, with its Konoha flags falling down from the ceilings, and polished wooden pews and floor, was empty. The lights were on, but no Jashin symbols… no nothing.

Feeling a bit pissed off, Hidan turned from the room to leave. Then the door slammed, and he hit the floor.

Now he knew he wasn’t here for any Jashinist meeting.

*

Feeling groggy as fuck (the only way he could describe it) and feeling as if someone had dumped him in a pool of anaesthetic, Hidan woke. His first thought was that he had been gassed with Zyklon B. Eyes blurry, head hurting and feeling as if his brain was sloshing around in his skull, his retinas burned as he squinted up at the blurred figures in front of him. He realised they were calling his name. He tried to answer but stopped when he saw who they were. He didn’t recognise them, but he knew the colours.

Two men dressed in Konoha flak jackets were smiling down at him. One of them had a white lab coat over the dark green uniform. Hidan was tied down with rope, sitting propped up with his arms pulled out in front of him like a doll. He could see red pinpricks on them. He was reminded of the children’s game heads down, thumbs up, except this was a much, much more gruesome version of it.

They definitely weren’t here for a Lord Jashin meeting.

“Fuck off, what the hell?! Is this revenge for accidentally putting those Fire country cunts in the gas chamber?!” A pale man with long black hair smiled and his tongue flicked out. It was long. It was even forked like a snake. Gross.

“I knew he was going to be hard to handle,” said the man with the ponytail and glasses. “After all this time, he’s finally woken up.”

“I am Orochimaru. My subordinate is very sorry for gassing you,” said Snake Man, not sounding very sorry at all, but looking down at Hidan’s body with interest. “Kabuto, give me the syringe.”

“What are you fucking doing, fucking nerd?!” Fucking Nerd’s white laboratory coat made him look s if he was going to give a speech on body creams in some CGI skin rejuvenation clinic. A syringe full of red liquid was produced from somewhere, and Hidan couldn’t move. Orochimaru jabbed the syringe into a vein in his arm. The liquid was blinding hot. Almost like he had thrown his arm into a hot spring back home, but hey, he had a high pain tolerance.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Hidan decided on a more nicer and less-sweary approach find out why these two weirdos from Konoha had kidnapped him and tied him up, which was upsetting because it wasn’t Ino doing it, and also put drugs and shit into his system.

“Well, put it this way, I’m going activate a few genes. You are Hidan of Hot Water, the only living soldier from Steam Country.” said Kabuto. “And we have been watching… certain soldiers. During the war. Eighty-eight confirmed kills. Nice.”

“Eighty-six, godless moron.” Why can anyone get it right?

“Out of everyone in the war, you were probably the bravest - yet you didn’t even receive the Kage Cross. You threw yourself into bombs, catching grenades - it’s like you wanted to die.”

“But then I got transferred to torture so that shit stopped,” said Hidan. “Why are you interested in me?”

“What if I told you we are all in a Infinite Tsukuyomi?” Orochimaru suddenly said, putting a long finger on the skin where he had just injected the liquid. Hidan’s blood seeped slowly underneath his finger, and he kept it there instead of getting a cotton ball or whatever the hell creepy Orochimaru had in his creepy room. It was dark, only lit by several candles, so Hidan had no idea where they were.

“Infinite Fucking What?”

Orochimaru sighed.

“This world is an illusion, Hidan.”

Hidan shook his head, strands of silver-purple hair falling over his eyes. “I’m not stupid.”

“It is,” said Kabuto, aka The Fucking Nerd. “Originally, we were all ninjas.”

Hidan gawked. “You’re fucking kidding me.”

Orochimaru and Kabuto raised their eyebrows as Hidan laughed, “Ninjas? Like those old assassins with the swords that stabbed themselves in the stomach when they got sad and shit? Let me go, freaks. I have better things to do then become a meth head.”

“During the Fourth Shinobi War, we were all placed in an illusion. My subordinate and I have figured out how to regain our original powers, but not our memories. My test subjects can do things like walk on water, become water. They can make things explode with only a few hand signals, and even create clones of themselves. They can become stronger than anyone else just by lifting a finger.”

“That’s nice,” Hidan said, not paying attention to them, but rather, seeing if he could somehow get himself out of the ropes. “Let me go, Snake Man.”

“We are bringing your powers back,” said Orochimaru. “We’ve done a lot of work while you were unconscious. Have a good look at yourself.”

Kabuto produced a small mirror from his lab coat, and Hidan had to now “take a good look at himself.”

His hair had grown at least an inch, and his eyes were crazy bloodshot. But that wasn’t what he cared about. The Jashin symbol - the infamous triangle in a circle - which he re-carved religiously into his chest once a week so it would never, ever heal - was gone. It had been a part of him since he was a teenager, since he’d crushed those bird eggs as part of his first sacrifice. The symbol had grown bigger and deeper over the years.

“How long has it been?”

“We knocked you out for a month, while we administered what we needed,” said Orochimaru. “In your real life - that is, the one where the Infinite Tsukuyomi doesn’t exist - you were definitely a ninja, although we do not know what powers you possessed, except for your healing powers and ability to not die.”

That is the true way of Jashin, the voice suddenly said in Hidan’s head. He perked up. Immortality. He knew that at the end of his life he would have been granted a spot by Jashin’s throne, the Death God of the Underworld, who watched over hell.

Wait.

“A month!?” he suddenly squawked. Ino would definitely think I’ve gone off with the rest of the people from that fake Jashin meeting…

“However,” Orochimaru flashed a smile. “I’d like to keep you. Usually those whom I have dealt with work for me afterwards. I think you’d be better off working for me. I myself am not immortal. Although I have the powers from our real world, I do not have what you have. I’m a little jealous, Jashin-boy.”

At this, Hidan realised that it wasn’t quiet in the room. Kabuto and Orochimaru now turned away, writing down notes on their clipboards and mumbling medical jargon Hidan didn’t understand. They said words like hemoglobin and thrombosis and platelet while Hidan listened in silence.

In the distance, he heard the screams of other people. A few minutes later, Kabuto pulled him up by the ropes, and pushed him out the door.

The torturer now being tortured. Fucking great. Candles lit the hallway, which meant that wherever they were in the world electricity hadn’t been restored yet. They passed cells of people, many of them with various muted colours covering their skin. Every single one of them had a mutation - wings out of one shoulder, bones covering their faces - and each was as ugly as the next one. The smell of death lingered when Kabuto shoved him into a small cell with nobody else in it.

For the next few days, every hour, on the hour (they forgot to take away his watch, turns out) they would come in with a syringe, or beat the shit out of him.

“You forgot I get off on that stuff,” he said as they slapped him, cut his arm away and watched it regrow. It hurt, but there was a high threshold of pain Hidan could take, and now everything felt numb and different to what he normally felt like. Watching a baby hand come out of his normal arm was a truly bizarre experience.

One day, being sedated after punching a guard with shark teeth in the face (whose face turned to water), Orochimaru cut his head off.

[amadeus-aerinstat-blog]

Really Long Character Survey

Rules: Repost, don’t reblog. Tag 10! Good luck!

Tagged by @sirgyrodegearloose​

Tagging: @liveslikeadisaster​ @everyonelovesaladythief​ @sinisterhypnos​ @eldritchburrito​ @heartoftheteam​ uhhhh that’s p much everyone I know??

BASICS.

FULL  NAME : Amadeus Aerinstat

NICKNAME : Ami

AGE : 237

BIRTHDAY : His world uses a different calendar from ours, it translates to roughly around the middle of our summer, or sometime in July.

ETHNIC  GROUP : Mitchski

NATIONALITY : Redacted

LANGUAGE / S : English (Several in his home world)

SEXUAL  ORIENTATION : Demi

ROMANTIC  ORIENTATION : Demi

RELATIONSHIP  STATUS : Married

CLASS : Upper

HOME  TOWN / AREA : Amerisk

CURRENT  HOME : An apartment in the Mages’ Collegiate

PROFESSION : Retired Major-General, former mercenary, currently Professor of Wizardry

PHYSICAL.

HAIR : Silvery grey, thick and shaggy. Keeps it cut short, otherwise he pulls at it when he’s nervous.

EYES : Blue

NOSE : Used to be long, but it’s been broken a lot so it’s very crooked.

FACE : Angular and asymmetrical

LIPS : Always frowning

COMPLEXION : White. Mtichski actually don’t blush on their face much, it’s their ears that blush when they’re embarrassed or upset. Turns grey when ill or extremely stressed.

BLEMISHES : Do you mean, like, pimples? Not really.

SCARS : Where to begin?? His face has two deep gouges on the right side, and he is littered with scars from a parasitic infection that covered his right hand, arm, shoulder, torso, and thigh. His left chest has a couple scars from some stab wounds, there’s a scar from a bullet in his abdomen, and some burn scars on his left calf.

TATTOOS : None, but he’s considered getting one more than once. Unfortunately he has an intense phobia of needles.

HEIGHT : 5'1″

WEIGHT : 120 lbs wet and with boots on.

BUILD : Thin and wiry. 

FEATURES : Bright eyes and a resting bitch face that could kill a man.

ALLERGIES : Peppermint

USUAL  HAIR  STYLE : Combs it with his fingers. Has a cowlick in the back that will not stay down.

USUAL  FACE  LOOK : Annoyed.

USUAL  CLOTHING : Usually wears a suit.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : The dark. Peppermint. Demons. Bugs, especially worms. Needles. 

ASPIRATION / S : He wants to settle down with his wife and maybe have a couple kids.

POSITIVE  TRAITS : Loyal, can be caring at times.

NEGATIVE  TRAITS : Dishonest about himself, arrogant, brash, foul-tempered, fouler mouthed, at times antisocial.

MBTI : INTJ (x)

ZODIAC : Cancer or Leo

TEMPERAMENT : Equally melancholic and choleric (x)

SOUL  TYPE / S : Surprisingly, he’s a Thinker, followed by Spiritualist/Hunter and Leader.  (x)

ANIMALS : He’s a porcupine and honestly it fits.  (x)

VICE  HABIT / S : Former alcoholic and cigarette smoker, but he quit before his wedding (his wife wouldn’t marry a drunk that smelled like a chimney). Now he tends to chew things- his lip, his fingers, his shirt, hay, pens, pencils, whatever.

FAITH : God and the Angels

GHOSTS ? : They absolutely exist.

AFTERLIFE ? : Heaven or Hell

REINCARNATION ? : That’d be awkward...

ALIENS ? : Nah

POLITICAL  ALIGNMENT : Not concerned with it.

ECONOMIC  PREFERENCE : ???

SOCIOPOLITICAL  POSITION : There is a level of respect that each person is inherently owed because of their personhood. If you make your living by exploiting others, you deserve no respect and should probably just go die. He will be more than happy to make that happen for you.

EDUCATION  LEVEL : Doctorate in Thaumaturgical Analysis ((the study of how and why magic works in his world))

FAMILY.

FATHER : General Aiszha Aerinstat ((commander of the entire Church Militant))

MOTHER : Kath’Arynne Orrinvale ((formerly Colonel))

SIBLINGS : Older half-brother Cyprian Godthwayne; older brother Devlin, older sister Katrina, twin brother Reginald.

EXTENDED  FAMILY : Sister in law (Reginald’s wife) Zolene, deceased, and their 8 children; brother in law (Katrina’s husband) Duncan and their 12 children.

NAME  MEANING / S : ???

HISTORICAL  CONNECTION ? : None in our world.

FAVOURITES.

BOOK :  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

MOVIE :  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5  SONGS :  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

DEITY : In Amerisk there is only one deity but there’s that deity’s Seven Angels and from them idk??

HOLIDAY : Any of them because usually they allow him to sleep in on holidays.

MONTH : Doesn’t have one

SEASON : Autumn

PLACE : Forests

WEATHER : Rain, thunderstorms

SOUND : Chirping birds, singing

SCENT / S : Autumn mornings, fresh bread, gumbo

TASTE / S : Spicy foods

FEEL / S : Wool sweaters, hair, having that spot between his ears scratched, the weight of a sword in his hand

ANIMAL / S : Cats, cows, horses

NUMBER : ???

COLOUR : Blue

EXTRA.

TALENTS : Baking, sewing, knife-throwing, singing, magic, long-distance spitting

BAD  AT : Patience

TURN  ONS : excuse

TURN  OFFS : u stop that

HOBBIES : Baking, gardening, wood carving

TROPES : Anti-Hero, Faustian Rebellion, The Napoleon, Good Is Not Nice, Jerk With A Heart Of Gold, Only Sane Man

AESTHETIC  TAGS : Autumn leaves, baked goods, swords and knives, mountains, forests

GPOY  QUOTES : ???

FC INFO.

MAIN  FC / S : N/A

ALT  FC / S : n/a

OLDER  FC / S : n/a

YOUNGER  FC / S : n/a

VOICE  CLAIM / S : Jeremy Irons

GENDERBENT  FC / S : n/a

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : If  you  could  write  your  character  your  way  in  their  own  movie ,   what  would  it  be  called ,  what  style  would  it  be  filmed  in ,  and  what  would  it  be  about ?

A1 : Currently writing it. It’s a fantasy adventure about the power of friendship. And also why you don’t make deals with the Devil.

Q2 : What  would  their  soundtrack / score  sound  like ?          

A2 : A lot of violins. Just. Jam-pack the fuckening orchestra with a ton of violins.

Q3 : Why  did  you  start  writing  this  character ?        

A3 : I got bored so I made a blog for an OC I’ve had for damn near half my life.

Q4 : What  first  attracted  you  to  this  character ?        

A4 : Don’t think this question applies, seeing how this is an OC.

Q5 : Describe  the  biggest  thing  you  dislike  about  your  muse.          

A5 : He is one goddamn stubborn son of a bitch. He works when he wants to and often doesn’t want to work at all.

Q6 : What  do  you  have  in  common  with  your  muse ?          

A6 : A tendency to bite way more than I can chew.

Q7 : How  does  your  muse  feel  about  you ?          

A7 : He doesn’t know I exist, but if he did he would probably hate me.

Q8 : What  characters  does  your  muse  have  interesting  interactions  with ?      

A8 : Well I’ve only just started, but pretty much everyone I’ve interacted with has been amazing.

Q9 : What  gives  you  inspiration  to  write  your  muse ?        

A9 : I’ve had him rattling around for about 10 years now I have to get him out somehow.

Q10 : How  long  did  this  take  you  to  complete ?        

A10 : About an hour.

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #12: “if they were smart, they would take me out tonight.” - David

Man, things are not looking good at all for me and my alliance, LOL, sweet lord. Jones was blindsided at tribal, and now if I don't win out these immunity challenges, I'm definitely gonna go home.

Winning 2 in a row is a feat in itself, now I'm going for 3. With a time of 7:58, I feel pretty good about it. The key is to not get ahead of yourself and take your time. People go too damn fast in these endurance challenges and manage to mess up, I'm hoping that's the case again this time, LOL.

so...! POST TRIBAL JONES WENT HOME 4-3-1 HALLELUYAH LOLLL LIKE THE GODFATHER IS GONE!!! rhys legit gave me tobi and ryan a fucking heart attack bc if he selfed it would have been 3-3-1-1 and ryan was gonna use his idol on tobi.. i have to laugh lol but ya like uhm.

its rly weird to be in this position. where i feel insanely comfortable. i’m the only person left with 0 votes to my name, me and tobi are the only people to vote 100% in majority throughout this game. :))

and it’s even better bc.. tobi and ryan both think i’m their #1’s. and i can act the fool bc i’m the ONLY canute left vs 3 mercia 2.0 and 3 sweyn 2.0 hehe...

its super weird i dont usually have good positioning but i feel as if the only way i’ll ever leave is an idol play which i think me and ryan have the only ones :)

I BEAT THE CURSE OF EIGHT. But Jones got voted out. So it’s a win/lose situation. She was determined on helping me get past eighth and it’s upsetting. But I gotta keep moving forward and do my best. Block Party was very tedious and I don’t know what’s considered a “good score” for this challenge but I completed it in 7 minutes which I think is pretty good.

so im just gunna be a psychic and hope this comes into fruitation or whatever the word is...

OK SO THIS VOTE GET OUT DAVID.. easy 4-3 lol

next vote.. bait tobi mo and ahrre into voting ryan, tell ryan to idol, we pref get ahrre out if possible..

then i PREF WIN F5 IMMUNITY AND BAIT all of them into votign tobi and i idol tobi... but if i dont win immunity im gunna prob use it on myself and be a selfish cunt lol

Just kidding it took me 11 minutes I don’t think I’m winning this

So last tribal was interesting. In theory my plan didnt change anything, however it couldve stopped a tie vote. Jones was close to Ahrre and Mo (maybe David?!). So she couldve easily chose to vote Ryan and sway them on board. My plan stopped this happening as she had no idea they were voting for Tobi.

Now I feel like I am still in a power position. I am inbetween Tobi, Ryan, Scott and Mo, Ahrre and David. I have to assess my options. I did lie to Mo, and Ahrre. So they may want to make a move against me. Where as Tobi, Scott and Ryan are the more safe trio but also more dangerous in that I wouldnt be able to beat one of them in the end.

Someone has idols too. So ANYTHING could happen. I need them to get burnt out soon. I CANT have a possibility of 4 IDOLS at final 5. Dani, Felix and Jones were all blindsided, so there may be a chance some idols laid there. However the merge one is likely still here. It was gone before jones left, and might be gone still. Meaning the idol is with someone else or wasnt re hidden.

My main goal in this round is to keep votes off me, get an idol possibly used and stay low. I didnt make a massivly obvious move, so my visiablity may still be low. I dont need a huge threat level, it makes getting to the end 100x harder.

Tobi snapped in immunity and tg he did bc David is finally vulnerable again <3 honestly it should be an easy vote considering ik our 4 wants David out bc he's so strong, and I doubt anyone else has an idol since me and Scott have 2.... so wigggg smooth sailing? i ain't gonna settle into comfortability tho bc that's never good

Ok so now I need to think about my end game. The only two people I’m not comfortable sitting next to FTC are Ryan and David. Ryan has been swerving eliminations and has gotten rid of several big threats. David is a comp beast and is also responsible for some big moves. So now you might be thinking, Mo? What’re you going to do? Lemme tell ya Barb. So my plan AT the moment. Is 7. David 6. Ahrre or Rhys 5. Ahrre or Rhys 4. Ryan And then final three will be Scott, Tobi and myself.

Winning immunity at this stage feels sooooooo damn good like especially for this round, this is the first time david has been open on the table after his immunity... and i feel like this is the round where advantages from the other side will be played and im glad im not vulnerable to whatever shit they throw at us... so like from a gameplay standpoint, me and scott have one of the best games currently (i think) with scott edging me slightly since he hasnt got any votes yet, but we're working together really well and like i feel like i can talk game to him really well... so the plan is that we take out david this round, we round up mo (idk about ahrre) for next vote and blindside ryan, and then from there we take out ahrre, and then me and him are in f4 with two goats. He wants to go to f3 with me while taking one goat (or so he says he does) but im gonna start making moves on scott at f4, if i can take out scott at f4 that leaves me a huge opening to take the game all the way till the end... but maybe i'm thinking too far ahead

Lowkey tho like... I kinda want ahrre out over david at this point... i feel like ahrre has built some sort of barrier in our relationship for no reason. like i've shown huuuge interest in working with him in the past, but he's just gone against me and even voted me last tribal in SPITE of me??? like??? everything he's done has landed him in the minority LMFAOOOOOOO LIKE get your head out of your ass and realize that i actually want to work with you!!! and like to get ryan out at f6 we're gonna need numbers and im not sure how comfortable i am with depending on mo to flip with us, the problem with telling ahrre is that hes soooo unpredictable like, he might just go and tell ryan everything me and scott are doing and then bam there goes everything... i understand wanting david out now since he's an immunity threat but thinking about all  the blindsides I need to pull off like... I wanna keep david but I don't have numbers to keep him so I'll just have to bite the bullet on this one

So!! i lost challenge. again. lol xd

missus david and his ragtag bunch of misfits who dk how to Not piss everyone off are now deciding to vote me after unsuccessfully voting everyone else. (: BC THATS GUNNA WORK OUT FOR THEM.

like bitch.. work w/ the majority. they arent even TRYING. its lowkey kinda sad but its their own faults they put themselves in this position...

the tea is even tho i have my idol im only playing it @ f6/f5 OR if david idols. like. tobi/ryan def wont vote me and rhys will just follow ryan i think NNNN

wisj me luck x

Fuck. I have a really tough decision to make. I’d like to say I’m the swing vote but I don’t actually know 100%. I can choose to vote with David, Rhys and Ahrre or Ryan, Scott and Tobi. My main concern with this vote as a whole is jury management because I don’t want someone to leave unhappy with me but that’s really tough to do. I said previously my two concerns are David and Ryan when it comes to who I don’t wanna be sitting next to at FTC. A final four with David is scary because he’s a comp beast. A final four with Ryan is scary because he is super close with Scott and Tobi. This is a headache.

Well so last vote was funky dunky. So rhys sticked with the majority because he considered Jones to be a bigger threat than Tobi due to her connections.... Then the vote comes around and literally everyone lied to Jones about the vote LMAO.

So me mo and david followed thru with the tobi vote but it was to no avail, mainly because rhys not only flipped but he let him know I was gunning for him. Meanwhile the rest convicted Jones to vote me, probably by telling her some lie about how I was after her. While they all voted for her.

So there goes Jones and my no votes streak with her RIP. So after all of that I decided it was time for me to try and win imunity and while I was close Tobi just edged me the fecker.

So now we have an immune tobi and depend on rhys to flip for real this time. I hope he realizes that if he doesn't then everything is fucked but now it doesn't even depend on him. Since it's between Ryan and Scott and it's f7 the chances of an idol being played are high.

David is worried it might be him they're going after but idk anything could happen.

hmm so I've been busy today and haven't been talking with everyone. but i believe the tiffany alliance is still on the same page of voting David. i heard from Scott that the other 3 are voting him and they think Rhys is voting with them so that's interesting. i'm defintiely feeling safe, and i feel like Scott isn't going anywhere either so yayy final 6 here we go. I also talked with Scott about taking out Tobi sometime before final 3 because he's definitely a big jury threat, and he can definitely win immunities so if we get a chance to take him out we might hop on that. A final 3 of me/Scott/Rhys sounds pretty ideal and i think me or Scott would take home the win whew

david got another thing coming if he thinks he can idol me out... thats tea lol :)

So I lost the challenge yesterday...and yet I'm hearing that I'm not getting any votes tonight o.O which I don't believe for one second, cuz if they were smart, they would take me out tonight.

As I'm hearing...me, Mo, Ahrre and Rhys are gonna be voting for Scott, and Ryan, Scott and Tobi are voting Ahrre...because they think that I have the idol, LMFAOOO. WHICH IS TOO FUNNY OMG. I WISH I HAD THAT FUCKING IDOL, LOL.

Okay, so one side thinks Scott is going, One side thinks David is going. Meanwhile im in the middle lieing to half the tribe trying to stop an idol getting played to save my closest ally. Yeet.

Ok so according to rhys they're gonna be voting me since they're worried about david having an idol. But maybe that's just rhys playing the long con. Either way there's a sizeable chance I could be going home this week but hey third time's the charm amarite maybe this blindside will work once in for fucking all. Anyhow let's see how this thing goes.

David is voted out 4-3.