#idk... i think it is fair to blame grant for A Lot of things. but i do not think this is one of those.

[grantwilsonenjoyer]

i think so often about the fact that grant says he doesn't have feelings but he also . Thinks he is at fault when he does. And i think about this a lot bc it is basically reaffirmed over and over because his love Does end up hurting people and. And.

i think of this specifically in the context of him killing terry. Because his instruction is just to stop them. and the most efficient way he can think to do that is killing one of them. And he is BLAMED for that and i think. I think That is where i disagree. because i think when u look at it in perspective of grant's own feelings it Makes Sense.

Like. This specific instance? That is born out of the part of him that DOES feel, the part of him that loves and protects.. and i think that makes it So Much Worse. because grant doesn't stop at anything really. He can get hurt, he can hurt other people, he doesn't have trouble with it. there is very little that could be done to Him Personally that would make him give up on his mission.

but if it came to someone he loves getting hurt? Well. That might stop him.

[your-ne1ghbor]

My problems with Magnifico and Amaya and how I would rewrite them (TKoRaT AU)

GOD DAMN IT NOW I WISH MAGNIFICO AND AMAYA IN MY VERSION WERE GOOD PEOPLE AHHHHHHHHH-

Ahem..sorry..what was I gonna say?

Oh yea! Feeling like a long rant again, so prepare your eyes!!!💀

Sooo, I kinda have been off putting stuff again since I had school work and a bunch of ideas like this one, so I decided to just share it so I don't loose the idea (ik I can write it down but idk I felt like sharing it). Plus the fact that I've been more chatty lately lol.

Idk how to transition to my problems with Amaya and Magnifico so here.

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Magnifico and Amaya's Character in Wish 2023

Magnifico

Magnifico in the film is...well is a pretty stand up guy! Sure, he is paranoid most of the time and is pretty stubborn, but he is very selfless and a really generous person!

You can say he is more in line with the kings of original films that deeply care for their children, such as King Sefan from Sleeping Beauty, or King Frederic from Tangled.

In this case, he deeply cares for the people of Rosas. I mean yeah, it is weird that you forget what your goal is in life, but if I had nowhere to go and no roof over my head, of course I would go to Rosas to live there safely. Heck, in perspective, you have a chance of your wish getting granted, and don't have to pay rent to live there. It is a pretty fair deal, especially for families who want their kids to grow up out of harms way. Sure, he can't grant all of the wishes, but his reasoning is pretty valid. The only line I could get from the film that would support this would be when he commented on Asha's Grandfather's Wish (which is to inspire the next generation):

"To create what? A rebellious mob perhaps? Inspire them to...to do what? Uh, destroy Rosas, maybe?"

And a lot of people can argue that Saba's wish is very simple or isn't dangerous, but here is the thing. Simple things can have dangerous concequences no matter how small or big they are. Sure, you can start out small, like inspiring people, but it will cause a domino effect that can lead to something greater. Either for the better or worse. And example would actually be Walt Disney himself! He started out small, but without him, animation would not have gotten to where it is today. With his love and passion to art and story telling and taking risks, we WOULD NOT have gotten Puss in Boots, SpiderVerse, OR EVEN ANYTHING ANIMATION WISE. Walt Disney really pioneered animation and without those baby steps, there would not be an Disney, Pixar, Dreamworks, ect. It would just be...well...live action I guess. Hate the Disney company or not, Walt helped get animation to where it is today, and it sucks that his company, even after death, wont try anymore to push the limits of animation except for companies that isn't Disney.

Plus, I don't even blame Magnifico for thinking this way! Although it is sort of annoying that his backstory was told instead of shown (not that there is nothing wrong with telling, but showing for me is a more effective way of story telling for me. You can take the little mermaid for example), I personally understood where he was coming from. In his backstory, his home was destroyed from thieves and barbarians, with his family and possibly everyone he knew being dead. Its honestly tragic, so him making a kingdom for people to not suffer that pain again is very selfless of him and just...feels good in a good way you know?

But as everything in this movie is, it takes the good things and beats it over with a 30 foot pole and leaves it to rot.

He is turned into the villain. And no, it isn't because of Asha not getting what she wanted, and no, it isn't because Amaya, his wife died (she never did btw)! OH NO IT IS MUCH WORSE.

He opens up a mAgIc bOoK oF dArK mAgIc and becomes the bad guy...

...What the fuck. Actually no, applauds to you Disney! This is such a effective way of telling a story. 10/10 forever and ever. Great job! :D

(I am being sarcastic, this is legit the worst way for a good guy becoming the villain, its so fucking stupid-)

He is just simply stripped of his good qualities and only lets his bad qualities shine through. It kind of feels like he was being held at gun point here.

"OH PLEASE BELIEVE THAT I AM ACTUALLY THE BAD GUY. OH PLEASE GOOD CIVILLAIN THEY ARE GOING TO PULL THE TRIGGER-"

Seriously, there was no other way of making him the bad guy? Like legit? Simply remove his backstory and make him evil at the begining. I guess it would be weird if he took the wishes without reasoning, but even then, why give him good qualities when he is supposed to be the bad guy? He became more of a tragic hero than a tragic "bad guy".

I will go more into my problems with him after I talk about Amaya for a bit since talking about her character is more shorter than Magnificos.

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Amaya

The best I can say for her character is that she is like Jimmy Cricket but fell in love with Pinnocio (I know that sounds weird pls spare me).

She is like the voice of reason for Magnifico, and it is best shown when Magnifico FIRST concidered on using the book for "his evil deeds". This scene specifically:

Other than that, she wasn't really a character in the film AT ALL. It sort of sucks concidering what the original concept was (WE WILL GET TO THAT) and instead degraded her character to...well...nothing.

I can't really say anything about her since she just was "I am loyal to my husband" to "actually fuck you I will believe a 17 year old instead of the man I trusted for the amount of years it took to get the kingdom to it's feet." I want to, but I can't. SHE HAS NOTHING.

I wish I can say more about her character, but it would just be me ranting about how trash her is character and was handled. Speaking of that, lets get into why I dislike how they were handled.

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Why does their character bother me so much?

Well it is sort of hard to explain, but I'll do my best.

Magnifico was supposed to be the return of the classic villains. You know, on the levels of Jafar, Ursala, Evil Queen, Malificant, ECT, he just...wasn't. Although he had a bunch of Evil Queen inspirations thrown into his character, it felt like more of refrences to a better film than being apart of his character. Plus, I feel like I sympathized with him way to much. I personally felt more emotion when he was on screen instead of the main character because I understood where he was coming from. Its honestly baffaling to me, since if he didn't have his backstory told to us, I still would not rooted against him. Even without his backstory, it just sounds like he was doing this at the bottom of his heart and empathizing with people who are doing far worse than what he is going through. Its honestly heartwarming seeing a person trying to do good in the world and provide a safe place for everyone to be free from the burden of this world. And want to know something? None of the classic villains had tragic backstories. They are evil for the sake of being evil. There probably was some with sympathetic traits, but from what I recall, there is none. So going with the sympathetic rout is not on par with classic villains.

However, there is nothing wrong with giving your villains sympathetic traits. It makes them feel more rounded as a person/character, and you can get a lot of emotion from that alone. I just think that Magnifico being the villain doesn't make sense since as I said, they made him so generous and kind in the begnining and only destroyed it since "oh wait, we need a villain, so why not make the good guy the villain" and threw in the dark magic book and called it a day. Not even that, but he is not threatening in any way. What I mean by that, is that his powers don't really get an upgrade at all. His magic just sort of turns green and thats it! I even bet that he can crush wishes even without the powers of the magic book.

Going off topic, but making plushie..COUGH... star...(plusie = wish 2023 star) less "stronger" to make the female lead stronger just makes Magnifico's reason for going after plushie's powers even more useless. Even with plushie's powers, HE IS JUST THE SAME. I guess he can now create vines? BUT IT JUST DOESNT WORK. It makes more sense for Magnifico going after plushie when it is powerful because he could see that power as a THREAT to his own powers and his kingdom.

Now for Amaya, her turning against Magnifico is just stupid. Haven't you went through a lot with him? Why the hell did you give up after "oh he can't be saved"? I feel like she could have done a "true loves kiss" sennario which breaks the spell it has on him. Not only that, she barely contributes to the plot at all. The only thing she contributes to the plot is just "getting the teens into the castle so they can free the wishes" then disappears, then reappears at the finally when Magnifico got a little too silly with his drugs-I MEAN wishes haha... Then she becomes the ruler of Rosas. It feels weird and out of place, especially concidering her character MOST LIKELY went through so much with Magnifico only to turn on him when he gets a little mad. It is so stupid. Also, if you just remove her, nothing would really change except the first scene where Magnifico has the book, only this time, no one is there to stop him. And as I said, HER CHARACTER IS NOTHING. But here is the thing...

When concidering the concept version of Amaya, she would have been the villain along side Magnifico. Not as a selfish love relationship or they are together at ones expense (gaining something from one another for only themselves) no, THEY WERE MADLY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. Something to note here is that there is barely ANY villain couple or ANY VILLAINS who are like this, let alone love each other for the sake of it instead of a "selfish love relationship and then one gets redeemed " situation (im looking at the mayor of paris from miraculous ladybug). So that, THAT RIGHT THERE, would have been a brilliant idea and brings something new and fresh to the table. Not only that, it is so brilliant that it would have respected all of the male/female antagonists we had for the past 100 years with the company. It is also A RISK. Walt was all about taking risks, even when his company would have floundered at the expense of making art. Snow White for example had a lot of money put into it that if it failed, well Disney would not exist in this timeline so to speak. So taking that risk is also RESPECTING Walt's legacy in a really good way.

I personally just see this as a fun way to explore their characters, especially when you can reflect their characters off of our main characters, Asha and Star (boy), if you want to of course. I can imagine Magnifico kinda be like Gaston from beauty and the beast with some Frollo flare to it (not the lust thing tho but yk what I'm getting at) and Amaya can be like Ursala or Gothal. Plus, it works as a power balance. In the original concept, Amaya was the potion maker while Magnifico does all of the magic. Its honestly a fun way to play with power set ups. Magnifico can just be for show and Amaya can just be a drug dealer (or basically Ursala).

But NOPE. WE HAD TO SHIT ON WALTS LEGACY TO GET THOSE SHINY DOLLAR SIGNS $$$$$$$$$$$$$

Here is the thing: I can get over Star Boy not being in the film, like I get it. We gotta have that girl power in Disney movies now, and they have to be emotionless people. But a Disney power couple? WHAT THE HELL??? LEGIT THE BEST IDEA YOU HAVE EVER HAD IN 100 YEARS. AND YOU GOT RID OF IT BECAUSE WE CAN'T TAKE RISKS ANYMORE??? BUT WALT WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT. YOU WANT TO RESPECT HIS LEGACY? THEN TAKE THE RISK TO DO SO YOU SELFISH, INSUFFERABLE, PIECES OF SHI-

(This section was removed because I went a little crazy there. Sorry about that. I'm not sure how I can transition into the rewrite section, again, soooooo here:)

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How I would rewrite the characters

There is no wrong or right way of rewriting a character, especially when a lot of people interpret them in different ways, and that is completely fine!

This will also fall into somewhat Asha's character and she will be mentioned to fit what I am going for with the characters. I will also leave out what they both do to the wishes since I am making a whole reimagined scene and it is going to include what they do to the wishes there. It will leave out some stuff I had with it here, but I will do my best interpritation of the characters the best I can, even when I can't really say much about it :)

Magnifico:

🌟 For starters, right off the bat, he does not have any of that sort of backstory they gave him for the original. For what I am going for, his backstory will not fit his reasonings for what I am going for, especially for his character.

🌟 He is more on par with the original personality from the original storyboard, specifically this one:

(This also goes for Amaya too personality wise)

🌟 Something that is very different from a lot of villains is that he has sympathetic traits. Although he has more negative traits than positive, he has more of a caring side. Mainly to Amaya, but Asha as well. When Amaya found Asha at their door steps (they aren't holding me hostage as I write out this specific part guys, I swear) at first he saw her as an opportunity to boost his and his wife's popularity that would have other people come more to their kingdom (its more of like they are seeing their "generosity" side and dismiss the problems the kingdom has). But as she continued to live with her adoptive parents, Magnifico became pretty close to Asha. Its mainly because of her passion to what she strives to be, to be like him. Probably feeding into his ego, but you know, nice to know he cares.

🌟 Just because he treats Amaya and Asha well, doesn't mean that the kingdom gets that same treatment. He doesn't care about the people at all. He actually has enjoyment when he hurts or breaks people's dreams. He gets all excited about it and you guys can ask him why he finds enjoyment out of it cause idk it would be more fun that way and gives you guys the chance to interact with him :D

🌟 The wishes boost his powers temporarily. It fades away after either a few days or hours. When his powers are boosted, he has more control over the people. And, to who he consumes the wishes of, can see through their perspective for a little while. It also makes civilians more compliment with him and not question his authority. This does not work with people who have not given up their wishes though. Only to people who have already given up their wishes. He can also make people forget certain memories (that might be Amaya's thing though but I'm not too sure) and can put on much more longer "light shows" (think on the level of: Playing with the Big Boys, but more flashy and crazier). He can also manipulate his surroundings with images, but not at a physical level. (Like hallucinations so to speak)

🌟 His powers without the wishes are more of what he uses to do simple things or put on small light shows. Not as flashy than ones when he has his powers boosted, but he puts on the smaller ones to "gain more people to comply when they have to give up their wishes", one might say, inspire them to do so. He also uses it to help Asha practice with magic (She can't even do magic STFU I KNOW.) It also can be used to take desires that you have deep in your heart.

🌟 If hair jell were to exist in his time period, he would eat it with no regrets (Amaya would make it so he can eat it without getting hurt)🔥

🌟 When he consumes a stars powers, he legit goes insane and can shape shift like one, but more corrupt with no consistancy to what he turns into since he legit gone insane. With a star, a star can shapeshift to whatever it wants or to express it's emotions. With him, it is all over the place. He can't control it.

🌟 Like Frollo, he tortures anyone who is against him, and will not hesitate to take it to the extreme if needed too (or that he wants to, to please himself).

🌟 What his wife says or does, he will willingly go through with it. After all, he loves her with all his heart.

🌟 He can't let Asha out of the castle often to make sure that the people will not take advantage of her generosity (thats what he thinks though, in reality everyone is just scared of the royals.. most of them at least) or learn-

Magnifico then breaks the forth dimention and destroys my house.

Ah...right...

🌟 He is such a silly goober!!1!11!1!11!1 o(*￣▽￣*)o

(He told me to write that or else he will kill my dog and cat. HELP ME PLEASE-)

Amaya

🌟 For starters, she is much more involved in the story than she is in the original. She doesn't have a backstory like what Magnifico had in the original, nor does she need too. Not sure how they would meet at the moment, but I'd like to think that they met and then were like: love at first sight and became more silly as time went on...including their insanity <3

🌟 As I said for Magnifico, she is more on par with the concept version personality wise. But she is more of an Ursala and likes to put herself as the victim to get more people to feel bad for her (MANIPULATION AT ITS FINEST 😜)

🌟 Just like Magnifico, she has sympathetic traits. And she only has it, because of our main character Asha! She just found her one day at the castle doors. She didn't understand why, but like Magnifico, only let her stay for as long as she did to post her popularity with the commoners, and grew closer to her as she became more of a mother figure to Asha. (Ruh Ro, anyone sensing Mother Gothal vibes?) Unlike Magnifico though, she uses her sympathetic traits to get people to comply with their ways better. Her main trait she is good at looking at the person's situation and understand it well, or aka being empathetic. She uses that to her advantage when manipulating them to do whatever she pleases.

🌟 She is more of a witch than anything. I imagine her somewhat like Ursala (yes a heavy load of Ursala), Evil Queen, and Yzma (Emperor's New Groove) when in terms to what they make. She does make a lot of poisons to use if anyone is getting a little too close to the close and they gotta...TAKE THEM OUT without anyone knowing. She can also use it for like a form of medicine too.

🌟 Some potions, like turning people into animals or certain poisons, requires people's desire. More so with turning people into animals as a form of punishment. She can also use her craft at potion making to have her wield magic for a certain amount of time WHEN NEEDED. (Gee I wonder what she will use that for). It can also be used like a drug, or to get someone to comply with what they want a little better than Magnifico. She can put on pretty shows too, but more smoke themed and is better at manipulating her surroundings.

🌟 Although Amaya would teach Asha how to make potions, she worries that the people of Rosas would take advantage of her kindness and use the skills that she would teach Asha to their advantage and form a revolt to take them down. (Which really, with them ruling, who can blame them?)

🌟 I would say she is more of a planner than Magnifico. She plans ahead and makes sure everything is in line with what they want and makes plan Bs or Cs even Ds in case anything would go wrong. Asha actually gained that trait from her believe it or not!

🌟 Magnifico is more reckless than his wife. Amaya is more so less confronting and tries to keep up their image. She actually have certain gestures that Magnifico would take notice too. And since he trusts her a lot, he complies and lets Amaya take lead in certain situations.

🌟 Yes...she also finds enjoyment of seeing people getting tortured. They actually made up a game on how they would torture a certain civilian 💀

🌟 When it comes to how she treats the people of Rosas, she is as I said, less confronting and puts on more of a fake smile and gaslights everyone that their kingdom is fine or whatever (It is not gaslighting when it is telling the truth. I feel so offended right know! DUDE LADY CHILL I AM CREATING YOU RN AND YOU ARE ALREADY TRYING TO GASLIGHT ME WTF😭)

🌟 When she has a star's powers, I feel like it would let her create whatever the fuck she wants at an insanity level. Wishing stars create items that would help users on their journey, so with her, she can use it to her advantage. Also she becomes just as insane as her husband. It also gives a difference in terms to what they would do when they have a star's powers. Magnifico would be able to shapeshift at a corrupt level, and Amaya can manipulate her surroundings that would become reality so to speak at an insane level. I chose this one since it fits her not being more confrontant while Magnifico is more so on that. She be lurking in the shadows like a cat :3

🌟 How she knows so much about the people, is by her cat! I think the cat would be called Custos. Idk the name yet, might go with the concept version of the name.

🌟 I learn more about my prey before I strike at their weakest point. (Nah that's very catnap of you. Unless you want to fall asleep for 100 years, I suggest you choose your words carefully. Bruh alright lady💀) And yes she wrote that in...

🌟 She is such a silly lil guy...AMAYA STOP LET ME BE SILLY U SON OF A BI-😡

Erm anyways...(she tried to eat my dog and steal my cat. GRRRR)

I feel like it would be fun if it is just expanding their empire for their main goal or taking over the world. Kind of like this song as their modivation:

I want this to be their goal since it kind of feels like some of the old Disney Villains, for me at least :3 (And I am having WAYYYY to much fun with their characters already hehe)

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Final Thoughts

On a final note, I will mention that there is a possibility that all of this wont make it into the final version. And in all honesty, I'm actually shocked I was able to compose all of this together without mentioning what they do with the wishes, like what- 😭

I also am still debating if Amaya and Magnifico made the kingdom or it was passed down through generations. Don't know yet tbh :^

Also, Amaya was sort of difficult for me to jot down since I didn't know how to get her into the story, and I think I am slowly, but surely getting there :D

I also really tried to make it different and fresh from the other versions and I am very excited to show that "I DECIDE WHAT EVERYONE DESERVES" when it is done (it is now We decide what everyone Deserves).

You can also ask both Amaya and Magnifico questions regarding the info you know about them now and about how they feel with the other versions of them if you want to of course (and I can show off their designs HEHHEH)

And yes...I had too much fun with writing out how they would interact with the post. DW, they wont interact here in the Final Thoughts section hehe ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I might also do a post on Asha since I have been pretty quiet on her character design/rewrite and another post about Star Boy since I wanna get more in depth with the ideas of Wishing Stars in my AU.

Speaking of Au...

what to call this AU of mine hmmmmm

I'll go with The Kingdom of Roses and Thorns, or TKoRaT. Feels fitting to me, at least for what I am going for story wise and character wise. Might change it since I can't stick with one thing, but rn it rolls off the tongue nicely.

Until then, I hope you have a great day and I hope Magnifico and Amaya don't steal your dreams 💀

@oh-shtars @annymation @chillwildwave @signed-sapphire

(They are thinking of working with your versions of Magnifico and Amaya oh boy not good 💀)

[kkyujikoo]

These are my... 2...? Maybe 50, cents about the whole "freejk" thing. I'm gonna be extremely petty and at some points a whole lot sarcastic and it's gonna be long but I had to say it. As soon as I get my computer I'm gonna make it under read more, but the app does whatever it wants, as we know.

Listen, this ain't my first fan rodeo, and not even the first fan rodeo where I've been directly or indirectly accused of being some sort of pervert or delulu. I've been in fandom spaces since I was a teen, I was shipping mlm couples when queerbaiting in TV shows was still something that was seen as the norm rather than some cheap disgusting trick. I was there when fanfic spaces saw "slash" fics as something "different" and to be tagged with a more mature rating even when they just looked at each other.

I was in BBC's Sherlock's fandom and I shipped Johnlock during the hiatus between S3 and S4, at this point I'm not even feeling it when people call me delulu or a weirdo.

So, yeah, take this with a grain of salt: as a person who has seen thousands of times fandom drama unfolding and has lived too much of it... This whole situation is so ridiculous it makes me laugh. Like, yeah, it's maddening how people will blame anyone and everyone because they don't even see their own bias and homophobia, granted, but like... It also makes me laugh for the sheer dumbassery of the reasoning behind it all?

Like... Y'all are getting mad and for what? Because it sure as hell isn't the invasion of privacy, since y'all are watching the same content we're all watching and you're paying to see it the same way everyone else is. If you don't want to "invade their privacy", you should just... Stop watching content that isn't their music videos, RUN episodes or interviews. Memories and any kind of dvd/video that shows what they're doing behind the scenes shouldn't be part of their job as musicians, and therefore we're intruding in their privacy... Or aren't we?

Or maybe it's more nuanced than that: maybe the content they release on dvd/on their official channels is part of their job as entertainers, and it's been approved, and it's a small window THEY are granting us.

You know what's the REAL invasion of privacy and what REALLY invalidates someone autonomy? When you, who maybe aren't even paying to see that content (which is something I understand, like, dude, I'm not covered in money either), DEMAND what kind of behind the scenes content you want when I swear ABSOLUTELY NO ONE has asked you. Once again: you don't like it? You think it's some huge invasion of privacy? Don't buy it. Don't interact with it. Convince your friends to do the same. For all I care, just go and petition to boycott this kind of content. I know you won't do it, because... That's the thing, isn't it? It's not the invasion of privacy that bothers these people.

Y'all aren't mad because we get into their business or else you would have gotten real mad when we were privy to REAL private moments like people crying their hearts out.

No, no. Y'all are mad because it's "shipping content" and "fanservice" which apparently bothers you because it lacks authenticity.

Pick a side, lovelies: either you DON'T want to invade their privacy, and thus all the content they release should be focused on what fans want to see, or you WANT to know how they interact TRULY in private.

And here's the catch: "shipping content" can be anything. Shipping existed WAAAAAYYY before the word for it was invented, same way with fanfictions. Shipping means, literally, "seeing two (or more) people interact and thinking they would make a good romantic pair". That's it. That's quite literally it. Everything else is just some nuance of the concept of shipping, but at its core, it's nearly impossible to ban all shipping content when it's a group of seven people, because they should for real go in social distancing mode to do so. Most people who have parasocial relationships tend to have "ships" whether they know it or not, because we've all, at least once, looked at a dynamic from the outside and thought "oh man they look cute together". So, even if, o dear ones, your wishes were granted... What the hell do you mean by "shipping" content? Should they just film solo clips, avoiding talking about the other members? But wouldn't that be fanservice, since it's focused on pleasing the fans? (Which, ultimately, is what fanservice MEANS, and I hate to break it to y'all but the whole concept behind entertainment and thus all the content BTS releases it's... For the fans. Like, they're not going out of their way to just meet our expectations but they're certainly doing fanservice by the mere act of releasing bonus content.)

But it's not even quite that, is it? Because no one bats an eye if it's Tae kissing Nj's cheek. I've seen no hashtag against everyone - and I mean literally every one of them - wolf whistling at Nj. It's okay to show intimacy... Because they're bandmates and it's okay to be close to someone who you see basically 24/7, I hear you. And it's also okay when people see that and gush over that closeness, because it's such a nice thing to see.

Soooooo... We've got to free JK from whom exactly? From what?

Are y'all mad cause people pointed out there's very little way a bruise that stayed for a whole ass night could be a quick bite? Because that doesn't harm jk, at most makes fun of him and jimin and their poor excuses (seriously, guys, next time consider using mosquitoes or "I was doing stuff". It'll be equally embarrassing but at least the meme will be funny), and it's literally... A fair observation. Like. It's a hickey, people are gonna make jokes about seeing a hickey and poor excuses of covering it up in the exact same way they're gonna make jokes over jimin falling out of chairs. And yeah, a hickey is AT LEAST something that happens in a sensual context. Like, I could understand "people who are extremely familiar with each other will have different body language/touch in areas where usually you wouldn't see friends touching each other", but that's not. Not a hand on the thigh. It's a hickey on the neck. I don't even know a more stereotypical placing for a hickey. But once again, are y'all mad because someone is pointing it out? Because that's not being delulu or even being a shipper, really, it's just commenting on something that was approved to be shown and discussed in something that was released BY THEM.

Are y'all mad at hybe for showing something that literally fell onto their hands? Cause like, unless someone (I'm counting on Jimin, since as we know Jungkook was busy spinning him round and round and had both his hands busy) called at hybe headquarters to say "yo bang pd substitute, is it okay if I give my friend jk here a hickey? Cause he's being really annoying rn and he has to pay", I highly doubt anyone expected Jungkook to come to rehearsal all neatly marked up. Or idk, maybe someone at hybe asked them "we need Jungkook to come in with a hickey but refuse to say it's a hickey, so that fans will feel reeeeally served." That sounds perfectly plausible too. Or a good marketing strategy.

Now, if you're a big company and your objective is to have some footage of the rehearsals for a concert, and the fandom is too good at noticing stuff for their own good, and one of your artists comes in with a very visible mark, and he and his bff bropal4lyfe come n with a story about how they were playing and a bite happened, you've got three choices: 1. Cut the artist out of aaaaalll the footage. Someone would have noticed the "bite mark" anyway, you best believe that. If you don't want anyone to notice it, you gotta cut him in most of the footage where it's visible. 2. Keep the hickey, discard the explanations. You could do that, but also it would feel a lot more unfaithful to everyone involved. Also they clearly worked their ass off to invent an explanation, come on! They truly tried to do their best inventing something that was not "it's a mosquito bite", they should get some credit! 3. Keep the bite, keep the explanation.

Notice how none of these solutions include the biting never happening because... They couldn't prevent it? The only thing they have any control over is how they're framing each "accident". And that's not an easy job.

I applaud you, people on the editing team.

So... On whom should we cast the blame now? Ah, yes, I think it's finally time for the ultimate scapegoat of this fandom: Jimin. Which is funny, cause... You know... If this were really about privacy, or being "victims" of shipping... This should be about freeing him too, you know? But obviously Jimin does it for attention, while Jungkook, poor angel that he is, doesn't even know what shipping is.

Furthermore, don't we all know how much Jimin imposes himself in Jungkook's life? To the point where he, multimillionaire man feels compelled to share a car with Jimin even if they're both late in the process. And can't you see how uncomfortable he is, draping himself over Jimin, making Jimin drap himself over him?

Oh lordy, truly such an awful eight years Jungkook spent, choosing to have vacations with someone who made him uncomfortable, spending free time with him, even having to suck his ear in public to the point you can see his saliva just because Jimin was sad :( truly an all-around bad time for Jungkook, as evidenced by alllll those times when he said Jimin was pretty, cute, and all-around knowing every little thing about Jimin. I absolutely concur, the dude would be so much more happy if jimin was not in his life.

Did that sound weird and absolutely ridiculous and a really absurd joke? Because that's what y'all sound like to me. Like. Jungkook is out there living his best life, getting hickeys and showered in affection and y'all paint him as a fucking martyr??? I'm sure he's really truly desperate that Jimin holds him in such high regards 😭😭😭 I can see him suffering whenever he starts doing his own serendipity rendition 😭😭 and when he claimed you are me, I am you as his and Jimin's only 😭😭😭 I cannot believe this poor baby 😭😭😭

I've reached a point where every time I hear this stuff I laugh because the levels of twisting reality when it comes to jikook are extraordinary, Jungkook will have a literally blissed out face and people will cry in outrage.

But coming back to my point: let's pretend you're not mad at Jimin and the possibility that jikook are dating: are y'all mad... At the hickey? Because at this point it seems like the only feasible solution. And if you are, do not worry: I'm sure Jungkook's skin was throughly healed by his boo. A kiss soothes even the worst pain, doesn't it?

[romchomp]

nana rewatch notes- episode 12

-this episode starts with hachi telling us that ever since she was a kid, all she wanted was to “become a beautiful bride”. there was nothing else that she wanted to be. this has to do with a “beautiful bride” symbolizing happiness/the ideal way to be happy and avoid loneliness. again i think hachi sees dependency on others as a way to avoid loneliness. as a result she rushes into relationships and mold herself into whatever need be to keep the relationship afloat. as we see with shoji, she then realizes she doesn’t end up feeling happy or fulfilled in the relationship.

-before this, hachi says “im straying from the subject, but please bear with me.” isn’t this a part of her narration to nana? who is hachi’s audience? WHAT IS THE SUBJECT? Most of hachi’s reflective narration is about her relationship with nana and/or what happened between them- so maybe thats why she thinks she’s straying from the subject, but that also means she intentionally included this bit--who does she want to know this? why??? so much to think about.

-i forgot how funny nana gets when she’s drunk lmao

-hachi’s style is constantly changing…gemini rising

-hachi is so sure that nana loved yasu and vice versa which...yes and no. while hachi isn’t WRONG, it’s also a lot more complicated than i think she originally perceives. her conclusions for why anyone ever does something burns down to “they must be in love”. granted, hachi is also missing a huge puzzle piece (ren)

- i also cant believe it took me so long to see how much hachi and nobu have in common the first time watching this. it’s painful to watch this time around.

-am i being mean to hachi? i always feel like im being mean to her lol. these are all reasons why i love her so much i promise. i think her flaws are portrayed and executed in both clever and unique ways.

-also really interesting that the first reason hachi thinks yasu is stoic around nana must be bc he has a girlfriend

-another thing worth pointing out is that while hachi’s assumptions are often treated silly+naive by the rest of the characters, she’s actually usually spot on abt others romantic feelings

-idk man…junko’s attitude considering the situation is super weird to me. and this line is just sad. hachi is just baggage that shoji has the burden handling.

-okay but what does shoji actually like about hachi? has he ever said?? no.

-hachi easily changes her look for jobs- she even manages her speech pattern- when i say gemini rising

-she was so excited to see them play!! ahh love them. also, this montage playing over shoji saying that he wont betray hachi…yeah.

“if nana was a guy, she would be the love of my life. back then i often thought that. however if that were the case, i doubt we would’ve been left with only happy memories. because love and pain go hand in hand.”

-hmmm so hachi and nana definitely dont only end up with happy memories. it’s fair to assume that hachi meant that nana never hurt her (which isn’t true either). hachi probably means that she doesn’t blame nana for anything that happened between them. there’s of course A LOT to say about hachi’s constant comparison between nana and romantic partners on top of hachi always saying how much easier being with nana was, even though her relationship with nana was no less complicated. i think it felt less complicated to hachi bc she was in love with nana. idk i just think hachi is showing some lesbian behavior.

-also hachi has a boyfriend as she’s thinking this lol.

this narration goes over shoji as he sleeps with sachiko. masterful

previous episode

next episode

[ruby-whistler]

all /dsmp /rp /nm, a reply to someone bringing up some good points and some i disagree with in the replies of this post

tw // physical & mental abuse, torture, murder

@bellovebug

the point about consent and sacrifice is a good call - ghostbur really didn't want to die, but to be fair, neither did dream.

i think that's the main reason why both the attempts, whether successful or not, were wrong. you don't really have the right to take away another person's life, though dream's life was being threatened, while tommy couldn't be more safe from a man who was stuck being physically and mentally abused - granted, tommy didn't know that, but dream also didn't know ghostbur wasn't aware this was a murder attempt. the point, both tommy and dream were wrong, and their actions are understandable to different degrees.

one could argue it was never mentioned that ghostbur stayed behind, and wilbur slowly getting his memories could be interpreted as them merging (which, that would be a much happier ending than having to choose between the two, wouldn't it), but those are all theories, so let's look at it from the most widely-accepted perspective.

it is true that ghostbur never hurt dream, he's really the only innocent person in all of this (ranboo and tubbo standing by while tommy ropes him into all of this with lies, sam ignoring the danger he was in and dream actually killing him) but dream has been being subjected to giant amounts of psychological and bodily pain for almost 50 days now (exile lasted around 13-26 days in comparison) on top of prolonged solitary confinement, classified as torture (because it is) by the UN, for about 85 days now (i think? might be more).

sam and quackity put dream in a situation where his only escape from possible death and months of constant agony leading up to it was killing someone who seemed like they had just tried to get him killed, and i think that's the best way to describe the situation + tommy getting ghostbur into this position in the first place.

not considering the fact that ghostbur was a hostage and both sam and tommy acted the worst possible way you could in a situation like that (ignorance and aggression), both of which drove dream to believe reviving wilbur was the only way.

"Ghostbur never murdered him three times lmao." to be fair, tommy murdered dream two times as well, and unlike tommy's two initial deaths which were in war context where both had consented to risking them for their ideals, and the third one being a direct consequence of solitary confinement or "double-celling" (i encourage you to look that stuff up, very dark but also interesting), tommy's killings of him were after he had surrendered and followed all orders given to him, and besides that being a war crime (let's be honest dsmp doesn't have the geneva convention) it was very cruel. so i'd say that was probably more than enough payback for that already.

"It's not something tommy WANTED to do, but something tommy that he NEEDED to do for the safety of the entire server." *something tommy thought he needed to do. i think we all can agree he has a bad habit of blaming everything bad that's ever happened on a single individual. like the moment wilbur got revived he went "wilbur this was all because of you" and i'm like. oh cool you've picked a new scapegoat lmao

i know from tommy's perspective he was trying to kill someone who has hurt him, but looking from dream's perspective he was trying to kill someone who was in a terrible situation, never given a chance to be on the good side and slowly losing hope for recovery + ever getting out of the hell that his life's become.

tommy's perspective is the only one from which dream's threatening in any way, from any other pov dream is just miserable and desperate and clinging on to any hope he can find so he doesn't just let himself die to end the pain. that is incredibly dark, which is why dream being treated as "oh look he's a big bad villain again he never changed" because of this incident rubs me the wrong way. he did change, even if not for the better, he was broken and is actively being broken and no one on the entire server is there to help him, while people like sapnap tell him they'll kill him if he tries to escape from the situation and people like sam stand by.

"genuine proof and logical reasons to believe would break out and hurt him and others." but that's the point of ptsd. it makes you think illogically and be terrified of something without being given present reason to think it'll hurt you. so yeah, as someone who's going through that, i understand tommy in a sense, but i don't think there's anything logical to it.

"He can't feel safe while dreams alive" but tommy can feel safe! there is no reason to kill dream, there has never been any reason to kill dream. that's what recovery from trauma is; being able to move past irrational fears based on past experiences. that is not, and will never be achieved by causing further hurt and destruction.

"purely for self gain, where tommy tried to kill dream for the benefit of himself and others" tommy was acting irrationally and doing something wrong and unnecessary because of his personal feelings and beliefs. the only danger present from dream was him giving quackity the revive book, because oh boy that man would/will do terrible things with it. idk if i'd call getting away from an abusive situation "purely for self-gain", but i digress.

"an abuser killing an innocent to free himself from what happened as a result of hurting so many other people" dream in this situation is the victim. dream was an abuser for two to four weeks, and granted he did terrible, irreversible harm to c!tommy, but at the present moment he's the victim who is trapped with no means of retaliation against those who are hurting him.

he did hurt people, but never even close to such a scale as is being done to him, so you can't call it karma, and even if in some alternate universe he did, no one deserves that kind of treatment. so, to rephrase; "a victim desperate to get away from a hopeless situation and killing an innocent who seemingly tried to help kill him, because his ultimatum in the situation of not being tortured anymore was not met."

"I don't think that excuses tommy wanting to kill dream, but i think it's a lot more justified and a lot more reasonable" all in all, i don't think it's justified at all. from tommy's perspective, the motivation is there, but it's still not "understandable" because it's just plain wrong with no real positives for anyone. dream reviving wilbur and holding ghostbur hostage is justified, and him doing it against ghostbur's wishes is understandable considering his situation, but not right in any way, shape or form.

hope this didn't come off as too aggressive! i'm just invested in the prison arc, and i guess people's bad takes (someone said dream deserved to be tortured more because of this, prime give me strength) kinda got to me so i made that post to kind of contextualize dream's actions, but i appreciate the interest in civil discussion! :]

[mycelier]

Xena Coffee Shop A/U Idea

So Gabrielle works in coffee shop, maybe Starbucks, but more likely a smaller more niche store that is soft and quiet with big squishy couches where all the regulars know and love her. She’s exhausted from managing the place without being an official manager (or maybe she is idk) but she smiles often and the place remains busy despite a Starbucks having moved in just around the block because (although she would absolutely deny this) the patrons look forward to her positivity and advice. But people know not to mess with her or try to cause trouble for her or any of her fellow employees because although she is sweet she’ll kick you out if you even THINK about being rude to any of the employees.

Xena founded a karate/jujitsu/something hybrid gym SOMETHING where her primary focus is helping people (in particular, women or marginalized people who feel weak or unsafe or feel incapable of protecting themselves), but she doesn’t turn away people if they come to her for the right reasons. She hosts daily fighting lessons using different techniques (jujitsu, weapons, hand to hand, p much everything) and had reached an almost legendary status to those who have come to her in their time of need. It is well known in many circles that Xena used to the be the head of a....gang? Crime syndicate? Mob? I’m not sure, but something HUGE and something that made her a lot of money and a LOT of enemies before she left the life for good. I kind of like the idea of her being some kind of crime boss for some huge underground syndicate because that gives some room for some kidnappings and crazy stuff but also that’s hot as hell.

Joxer DEFINITELY becomes an employee by simple virtue of being in the store so much and bugging her so much that he may as well be being paid for it (but also he is...surprisingly good at creating new roasts and making cool new drinks so why not). He thinks he’s suave (like Ares) but deep down knows he’s not.

Ares is the obnoxious rude ass businessman who treads the line of being banned from the store but is accepted only because he buys ENORMOUS amounts of their coffee for his meetings or whatever. He’s buff as hell and has reflexes that put a cat to shame. I’m not sure if he’s officially into martial arts but he knows a lot of things from a lot of places. OH MAYBE HE IS LIKE BIG BOSS OF CRIME SYNDICATE THAT HAD BEEN PARTNERED WITH XENA’S IDK.

Ephiny is a student of Xena’s; she’s amazing but struggles with trusting partners after the loss of her husband (Phantes). Her son is just getting to the point of toddling and she already has him INVOLVED with Xena as much as is physically possible. She also works with Gabrielle in the coffee shop and is the eventual link that brings Gab and Xena together.

Callisto was Xena’s top student and top pain in the ass until the loss of her family. She now trains at a “rival” dojo. She’s constantly proclaiming herself better than Xena and trying to take Xena down a notch or two despite the fact that that’s not how any of this works. She lost her mom and sister in a fire and blames Xena (she was 8 or 9 and a student at Xena’s dojo; Xena took her home one evening with nobody came to pick her up after practice. she tried to run into the burning building but it was too far gone. she claims Xena kept her from saving her family but deep down thinks that if she hadn’t been at practice she might have been able to save them). She will probably have some kind of redemption arc because I feel bad for her even though she is irredeemable (from what I’ve seen so far in the show).

Perdicus worked at the coffee shop but left to figure out how he could win Gabby’s heart (they grew up together and he’s loved her since he knew what love was but she’s always been...unsure). He’s gonna be in the thing as like...some kind of friend at the very least because Callisto did him dirty in the show and I liked him.

Iolus and Hercules MAY run the “rival” gym. “Rival” continues to be in quotes because although everyone in the town sees them (Xena and Herc) as rivals, they have nothing but respect for one another. Herc is in love with Xena (she thought she loved him too..once.) and Iolus THINKS he’s in love with Xena and then thinks he loves Gabby but realizes he loves Hercules; this may be a uniting factor for Xena and Gabby as they work to try and help Iolus overcome his insecurities and confess his feelings to Hercules (who will be startled but is bi as hell and will be really excited because he thought Iolus was SUPER into Gabby/straight as could be).

Autolycus is an art thief a la Cary Grant in Psych. He has a lot of money but lives relatively modestly and donate a fair amount to charities and to Gabby’s coffee shop, all under a pseudonym of course because it could never get out that he secretly wants to be Robin Hood more than anything in the world. Perhaps at some point the coffee shop has gone broke (maybe Krykus runs the shop and he’s an asshole who doesn’t care and ends up stealing a ton of money and running off into the night?????) and Autolycus (and Xena) band together to purchase the shop and put it to Gabby’s name (which upsets Gabby at first until she realizes that they were helped by the ENTIRE STAFF and a lot of the loyal customers because they love her and they love the changes she’s made to the shop).

I’m thinking...maybe one night, late, after Gabby had to stay to do inventory and order stock, she’s mugged. They have a gun and although she’s willing to give them what’s in her wallet, she fights back when they threaten to physically assault her and she ends up punched a few times. Now, depending on how dark I want this to be...she’s either beat up BAD and ends up joining the gym after Ephiny finds her and takes her to the hospital and demands she take better care of herself....but more likely (because it’s HOTTER), Gabby is saved by Xena, who had also been at her gym late doing an inventory and stock of the small pre-packaged bars and shakes she sells or something, important because maybe Gabby will start providing some kind of healthy snack as a thank you to Xena??? Anyway, Xena busts in after Gabby’s beat up and saves the damn day. Now!!! Either Xena falls in love INSTANTLY but keeps it way down because that’s who she is, or she simply thinks Gabby is cute (’m not decided) and is delighted at first when she sees Gabby show up to her gym. Gabby is enraged and frustrated that she wasn’t able to protect herself and Xena shows her how to redirect and channel her anger away from doing harm and into protecting herself.

This will EVENTUALLY and ultimately be a Xena x Gabby fic but I think it’s gonna take a while for Gabby to get there. When she realizes she loves Xena it will hit her like a sack of bricks and she won’t be able to breathe for a few moments as she takes in the woman who has become her best friend in the entire world and realizes that she absolutely loves her.

And that’s more writing or thinking about writing than I’ve done in eons but I wanted to get it down somewhere.

[captainshadowgirllostfan]

Okay if you want to write different versions of cannon characters...fine.

But fuck if you’re using cannon events and twisting it to something it’s not... that’s not okay.

Like blaming everything on one person especially when evidence suggests that person wanted to go and wanted to succeed while the other member would rather murder the leader of the group so that person decided another route just to go home because leader was insufferable doesn’t indicate said person was trying to sabotage the research project on purpose but that they were at their wits ends. 

Okay going to put some names here, I’m talking about Leonard and how the Shenny fandom hates him for what he did to Sheldon which yeah is fair... but I’m reading a fanfic right now that literally seems to pin all the blame on Leonard when it’s pointed out very obviously that Leonard didn’t act alone and that Leonard actually did wanted to go on the Arctic Expedition for the scientific opportunity it presented. He was the first who wanted to go. It was HOWARD who didn’t want to go. Who wanted to kill Sheldon just to leave and not deal with him.

Okay granted we could say Leonard did want to sabatoge things and didn’t want to go after Penny told him she will miss him but we don’t know that... I’m not sure if that is the case... I think it’s more that the gang was at their ends with Sheldon’s OCD and high expectations and Leonard decided sabotaging evidence was the least lethal way of going back home so they won’t be stuck in the cold with Sheldon harping on their backs. That’s at least how I felt the script was being written as....

But I will admit I freaking hated how Leonard and co didn’t feel any guilt. Or rather Leonard especially. Howard and Raj later became concerned with Sheldon when he ran off to Texas but all Leonard could think about was sleeping with Penny.

That’s what I hate about Leonard. He tries to be the “good guy” or rather he thinks himself as that and to be fair, he does put up a lot with Sheldon (though if he’s so tired of Sheldon why he doesn’t leave and find another place is beyond me), but in the end of the day the guy is always thinking with his penis. It’s the reason why I feel nothing but disgust with Lenny. The writer literally want me to root for Leonard Hoftstadter and Penny Teller when all we see of them interacting is yelling at each other, arguing, insulting each other, being passive aggressive and the only time their pleasant is when their in bed? They literally have nothing in common... which would be fine if they at least strive to get to know each other..

With the Shenny relationships, there is a back and forth, there’s fighting but it’s not toxic, there’s insulting, but there’ also talk, as in both Sheldon and Penny try to understand each other and learn about the other’s knowledge, play with each other’s strengths. Sheldon literally created a game for Penny and him to play where they challenge each other on what they know and he learned about the Kardashians, meanwhile Leonard wanted Penny to read some more books so they could talk more....

Granted the game happens in the later seasons.

In the early season, we see both Sheldon and Penny looking to each other for help in order to be better at something their each not. Penny goes to Sheldon for dating advice on Leonard, and to learn about physics so that she could talk to Leonard better. Sheldon goes to Penny, per Amy’s advice, to learn about acting in order to be a better teacher. Penny took care of Sheldon when he was sick (even though she didn’t want to and had work). Sheldon in turn took care of Penny when she dislocated her shoulder and even drove (which he does not like to do) to the ER for her. He gets angry at the receptionist because a guy on his phone is apparently more of an emergency due to having cardiac arrest even though he looks fine to Sheldon. He sings soft kitty to her as almost a mirror to how she sang soft kitty to Sheldon when he was sick. It was beautiful. There’s a give and take with these two and that’s how relationships especially romantic relationships are supposed to be.

They went grocery shopping together and apparently made a date to play golf in one of the early episodes.

Sheldon was the first to help Penny with her Penny Blossoms.

They also created an app together in one episode, I wish we knew what happened to that. I think Penny’s idea was great!

I mean there’s so much good Shenny moments to write without making Leonard a villain. Because yes he’s kind of disgusting in how possessive he is of Penny, how he clings to her even after breaking up with her and how he continues to pursue her knowing it’ll end in disaster... but Penny in the end keeps accepting his advances. It’s not like she’s rejecting him. For some godforsaken reason, she loves the guy despite the fact we see no evidence of these two having any sort of chemistry or meaningful interaction beyond sex. Their flirting to me seems more like veiled insults against each other and if not disparaging barbs about themselves. It seems to be a relationship built on insecurity, distrust, maybe slight resentment...

What I’m getting at is Leonard’s biggest flaw is his insecurities which stems from his childhood. Does it excuse his possessiveness and harrassement, no. It does make him a bit more understandable as a character. Also while his character seems like a harrasser, the narrative paints him as right in going with his gut because for some godforsaken reasons Penny truly is into him and loves him for some reason. idk why but she does...

So he’s not the manipulative bastard that he seems for some reason to portrayed in Shenny fics (and the way he’s written as manipulative isn’t even well writen... fannon Leonard is honestly an idiot)

[eloura]

Appreciation for the 13th Doctor, why I love Jodie Whittaker’s Doctor

This has taken me forever to write, so I hope at least I few people read it. Granted, once I start talking I can’t shut up. I’ve seen an array of hate towards Jodie Whittaker as the Doctor, and I thought it would be nice to write a post on why I personally love her and why she’s my favourite doctor. And no, it’s not because she’s a woman. Though, it was one factor. And for context, I’ve been watching doctor who since I was a child, and my old favourite used to be the tenth doctor, so it’s not because I haven’t seen previous seasons either.

I’ll get this one out the way, the thirteenth doctor is a woman. This is a big deal for me, in a positive way- I’ve always looked up to the Doctor, always wanted to be like him, for years I wanted to cosplay him as well but as a feminine lady I wasn’t comfortable with cosplaying a man. Then Jodie comes along, she’s everything I wanted in a female doctor, I never through in a million years we would ever have a female doctor. When I first watched The Woman Who Fell To Earth, I just started tearing up,

This. This moment. Because in this moment I though, yes. This is the Doctor. And she’s wonderful and brilliant. What I love most, is her personality didn’t change because she’s a woman now, she doesn’t really wear makeup, she still wears a tux, she’s not bothered about the way she looks, it’s just nice to have a female characters who’s so heroic, kind, and intelligent. It just hit differently for me watching her. She doesn’t forget.

Now, one can argue there’s not much continuity and 13 doesn’t mention her past, which I can understand why you would think that but I disagree.

Here, you can see she still remembers her past, and is still hurting from the ones she lost, from Rose, Martha, Donna, the Ponds, Clara, Bill, etc etc. And with the fez reference, and little lines like “Talking about wasps, have I ever told you about me and Agatha Christie?” Or “Half an hour ago I was a white-haired Scotsman!” Keep long term viewers happy, while not completely alienating new fans, as I feel with series 11+ it’s like a blank slate for new viewers to get into the show, which in my opinion is a good idea. 

Another thing I really love about the thirteenth doctor, is how positive and hopeful she is.

I feel like each doctor symbolises different things, and to me I feel like she’s represents hope and positivity. I really love this about her because I have a lot of personal issues where it leads me to feeling a bit down, but when I watch her Doctor I always feel a lot more happier, positive and hopeful, and for me I really appreciate that.

I also really love how witty she is. Now, I know every Doctor is a little bit quirky and funny, but I find 13 one of the best. She’s a little bit childish, excitable, cute. I love the running gag of her forgetting that she’s a woman now, it’s a nice touch that’s unique to her Doctor.

The Doctor’s speeches are always spine chilling. and for 13, it’s no exception. I love how protective she is of Earth and humans, as previous Doctors have been. A lot of people say the writing isn’t all there, I get where you’re coming from but I personally like it, especially moments like:

She’s confident, she’s protective, she’s loving. It’s just something I really love and appreciate with her Doctor. I  feel like she always wants to do the right thing and will always put everyone first before her own safety.

Talking more recently, I like how she interacts with The Master, she’s not trying to reason with him, convince him to travel with her, mend their friendship, she’s just done. She is sick of him at this point,

She’s rolling her eyes, she’s taking no chances. It’s different, as with Ten, he was doing anything he could to convince the Master to see the universe with him. With Twelve, he wanted Missy to stand with him. with Thirteen and the Master, she isn’t interested. She just wants to save humanity.

I also love the family dynamic. I know we’ve had that before with Rose and the Ponds, but having the entire ‘fam’ as she would say, in the TARDIS with her, idk I find it really cosy and nice. A lonely traveller finding a family to show them the universe with is just really nice, and in my opinion a lot better than having one companion where they /usually/ fall for the Doctor.

Finally, I want to talk about Jodie Whittaker’s acting. I’ve been hate for her online saying she can’t act, which I disagree with, have you seen Broadchurch? Anyway, for this, it’s not fair to blame Jodie for what is the writer’s fault. I like series 11 but its undeniable that Jodie doesn’t have many chances to truly shine as an actress. However, I feel like this is changing in series 12, I especially liked her acting when seeing the destroyed Gallifrey, and how angry she looked when listening to the Master admit her did it. With hope, public opinion of her will change after this series.

Right, well, I think I've babbled on for enough about Doctor Who. If you’ve made it this far, I am surprised with your patience! And if you disagree with me, that’s fine of course! We won’t always agree or like the same characters and that’s completely fine, as long as it’s respectful. 

[sophroniaa]

Perfectly Lovable

(just quickly wanted to say a huge thank you for the love on "Admiring", it honestly means the world to me. 🖤 & aaaalso, this might turn into a two parter if you like it?? idk)

Word count: 1,3k

Trigger warnings: Mentions of alcohol, being hungover

You wake up the next day, hungover to say the least, trying to deny the real reason as to why you got so drunk in the first place.

It had struck later in the afternoon and you were sitting in the backyard with Rook, enjoying the afternoon sun before it would set and the degrees would start dropping for the night. You had all been having a lazy day. A few of the guys even just starting to come back to life after last night's party. It hadn't been too long since you'd gotten out of bed yourself, feeling too hungover to move. Your thoughts wandered back to the night before, trying to remember what had happened past midnight… you came to the conclusion that the night could be rounded up very easily, as you'd been way too drunk since most of the night came up as a thick fog. The throbbing headache only proving your mental point further.

"It's been a while since I drank that much…" You mumbled to Rook, which only gained a snort in return. "Tell me about it." He chuckled as an answer to your statement, also thinking back to the events of the night before. "Have to say you took me by surprise when you challenged me to a tequila race." He said after a few seconds of silence, the images from the night before playing clearly in his mind. 

The new information caused you to push your sunnies further down your nose to look at him, eyeing his facial expressions trying to see if he was fucking with you. You covered your face with your hands in slight embarrassment when you realized he wasn't. "No fucking wonder we feel like absolute shit today." You said shaking your head, no longer finding the aching body & foggy memories strange.

"Don't think I've ever seen you that drunk." He stated before taking another sip of his pedialyte. You leaned over and took the plastic bottle from him before taking a gulp of your own. A grimace quickly spreading across your face once the taste hit your tastebuds, holding out the bottle to read the flavor.

"Euw, you willingly drink the mixed fruit flavor?" You exclaimed, more than happy to give him the bottle back.

He burst out laughing at your reaction. "So you're able to down multiple shots of tequila with a straight face but pedialyte gets you?" He teased, smirking so big that his eyes squinted a little.

"Shut up asshat…" You mumbled before offering him a playful smile.

"You seen Kells today?" You asked instead, not sure if you dare hear anything else about your drunken state from the night before. You leaned your head back, letting the sunshine rest on your tired face.

Rook only shook his head in response. You could see from the corner of your eye that he sneaked a peek at you trying to read your feelings. "So…" He started to say before falling quiet, like he was debating whether or not to bring it up. "We gonna talk about why you got so fucked up last night?"

You leaned your head back again to enjoy the warmth of the sun whilst hiding away behind your dark sunglasses. "I'm good, Rookie." You said flatly, knowing exactly what he was trying to get at. "Not like I haven't seen him with other girls before."

Not like you hadn't seen him with other girls before wishing it was you in their place.

"I'm just saying… Even an idiot would connect the dots, he brings over his "new girl" & you, who normally don't drink much, gets absolutely trashed."

"That's not why!" You protested.

"Oh yeah, then why did you get so drunk?" He was quick to ask. "Enlighten me." His voice letting you know just how much he believed you, which would be about approximately zero procent. Deep inside, you knew you were crushing so incredibly hard on Colson. It was just easier pretending like you didn't. The palms of your hands would start to sweat just by the simple thought of actually telling him. You could only imagine standing right before him trying to explain the situation, to you that sounds like nothing but a bulletproof plan for a break down.

This caused you to sit in silence for a while, trying to come up with something smart to say… Reaching for anything, really. So far you'd been doing a horrible job at trying to convince him. To be fair, you were probably the one needing the convincing. However it fooled neither of you, no matter how hard you tried to deny stuff. When you came up shorthanded you sighed loudly, signaling that he'd won this time around as well.

Fuck models, switch condoms. You felt your heart thug a little, thinking about the constant variation of girls in his life. As of right now he was seeing a brunette model that you honestly couldn't remember the name of, not too long before that it had been a blonde.

You hated it.

How they would stride into his life chasing that bad boy fantasy, wanting a taste of the exciting celebrity world, being MGK's center of attention for a short while.

Something you hated even more was how they knew exactly what they got themselves into, only to become disappointed when he immediately didn't change his ways and grant their wishes by becoming a whole other person for them.

"You've got that look on your face again." Rook pointed out only to sigh dramatically when he realized you'd slipped deep in thought about Colson, again.

"Sorry, what?" You sat up, straightening out in your seat, coming back to reality after he had nudged your leg with his.

"I said, you've got that look on your face again." Rook repeated. You looked at him dumbfounded.

"You get a bothered look on ya face when you think of the constant switching of girls." Rook explained in a matter of factly tone. Trying to even out your furrowed forehead with his thumb to further prove his point. You were quick to shake your head.

"It's not that… " You said while hating how well he could read you, always knowing exactly what's on your mind. Part of you knew there really was no point in denying it, he could read you like a book at this point. In a desperate attempt at keeping your mouth shut you started to chew on the insides of your cheek, but unfortunately it didn't take long before you spoke again.

"I just hate how they exactly know what they're getting themselves into and yet still have the nerves to act disappointed, demanding this and that, ultimatums left and right… " You mumbled, picking at your nails. "Leaving him to blame it all on himself thinking he's a complicated man to love."

When in reality it was the complete opposite, perfectly lovable the way he is. He was in no way complicated if you saw him for who he was instead of trying to change him into what you thought best fit. Understanding how the things he had been through shaped him into his whole existence. He still had his struggles, but who doesn't? He put on a tough act a lot of the time, acting like nothing could get to him, sometimes even talking a big game, sure thing, but underneath all that was a mushy lil' Colson. A side to him he wouldn't show to just anyone, you had to connect with him. Vibe with him. Almost like he needed to make sure your intentions were good before he could let his walls down a little. He wasn't just an angry guy, shouting into the microphone at an impressive pace. There was so much more to him than the established MGK image.

Never had you met a more genuine or kind-hearted guy, so naturally your heart ached when you oh so clearly could see people taking advantage of that.

Bitches, news flash, this ain't build-a-man factory.

"Dude, just fucking tell him already!" Rook exclaimed, clearly becoming impatient with how you acted like you only saw him as a good friend. "You the type of girl he should be with. These toxic models ain't doing him no good."

"Someone to date him for who he really is, shows him patience and acceptance. Understands his issues and encourage him to get better." He saw the hint of uncertainty spreading across your face as he talked. "Stop that, I honestly think that equals you." He said, putting his palm on the left side of his chest. "You just need a little encouragement to get over your nerves." He teased.

You couldn't help but smile at Rook's encouraging words, loving how he always rooted for you no matter what. You reached your arms out to embrace him in a big hug, a way of showing your appreciation towards him. "Everyone needs a Rook in their life." You mumbled into his chest.

[callsignbaphomet]

My aunt drove me to the appointment and I was hesitant at first because she is...a stress factor in my life. I know for sure she doesn't mean to be and I'm sure she doesn't even realize she's doing it but it ain't easy talking to her. I feel like my entire family is prone to playing the victim.

Example. A few years ago my aunt planned out a vacation for all of us to go on. The majority of us didn't want to go. It started disastrously bad when my idiot brother wanted to take the long way which here in PR it means going through the middle of the island which meant taking roads that were curves over curves over curves. I get car/motion sickness. I said this aloud. My aunt and my mom have witnessed this first hand. Solution? I gotta drive to avoid throwing up. I didn't want to drive because I didn't know the directions, even then we got super lost, and I was on some medication that forced my p****d out and I didn't wanna go on this vacation but was forced to go (this is me as an adult btw 😐).

So what happened? We had to pull over so I could throw up on the side of the road. I was beyond pissed. The rest of the week went from bad to worse. My sister and her husband insisted that all they wanted to do was go to the beach. I don't like going to the beach, I don't like swimming, I don't like pools, I don't like getting wet. First time at the beach I was on the shore overheating and heavily bleeding and I looked miserable but yeah I'm soooo glad that bitch and her bitch husband had soooo much fun.

Following day they (sister and her husband) wanted to go to another beach. My mom spoke up and said I wouldn't be able to go into the water and didn't think it was fun to just sit at the shore all day. Someone finally remembered me 🙄

So C, who had had enough of the trip since the start had been super quiet and I got a little angry at him for not speaking up either. Turns out he was on the phone searching for interesting things to do in the area aside from going to the fucking beach. So he asked my aunt if he and I could borrow her car. She said okay and during the entire stay all they did was follow my idiot sister from one beach to another, that's ALL they did. Beach hopping.

Meanwhile C and I went to see some weird salt flats, we saw a fuck old lighthouse and befriended some cats, we went to a really old church with an amazingly beautiful garden full of flowers. On the third day we went out to a park and had ice cream. Loooots of ice cream. So all in all C managed to make that disaster better. When he and I got back to the apartment my sister was putting on a show about how C and I didn't wanna spend time with the family.

Dude, I went from 0 to 1 trillion in 1 second and I swear I was gonna lunge at her but C grabbed me basically by the scruff of the neck and held me back and quietly said, "If that's what you think that's a you problem." and we went to take a shower. Which btw only had two temperatures: third degree burn and lava coming out of Satan's butthole. You can imagine how great that felt in the middle of summer in the south side of PR.

Fourth day was an all out disaster cuz my idiot brother, who btw, first day there kicked me and C out cuz he wanted our room cuz it was the only one with ac and he needed it because his crack whore ass was detoxing from some meds. Was yelling and screaming about going to kill himself (read: he wanted something and no one was indulging him so he used the excuse to kill himself to manipulate my mom and aunt to get him what he wanted).

That day was a mess of people pointing fingers and mostly my sister shoving blame everywhere and basically calling out my aunt for making us all go on this vacation when no one else wanted to go.

Drive back was awkward as fuck all with my aunt crying and feeling bad and me and C on damage control. She was super mad that all they did was go to the beach and asked me and C about all we did so we did and tried to make her feel better because my sister told her she has a lot of flaws she needs to work on and now she all boo hoo. Sure, my sister coulda worded it better but I'm glad it happened.

My aunt is one of those "my way or the highway" type of people. She gets set on one thing and noooooothing will change her mind. She constantly hounds me about doing something "productive" with my art. I often just shrug and ignore her but this is constant. I don't sketch in front of her anymore because it's every single time. She also doesn't take social clues, she outright ignores them on purpose. If a subject makes someone uncomfortable she'll keep prying because in her eyes you're probably not working hard enough or doing your best.

On the way to the doctor she brought up art again. I outright told her I wasn't going to do it. I wanted to say not everything has to be about making money but I held on to that one. I told her it was hard to establish a network, that I would be competing with thousands and thousands of people and that it was hard.

All she got outta that was that everything is hard and I'd have to work hard to get out there and establish myself.

Bruh...I was stunned.

So I outright told her no. I don't want to. My art is for peace of mind and she dropped it but I just know she'll bring it up again.

Look. As a hobbyist my art is okay but me charging people for that??? Who the fuck would??? Pay for that???? Jfc.

So we moved on to yet another uncomfortable subject and she said I may have ptsd. Dude...no offense but ya ain't a doctor (thank fuck). So she told me I should check to see a psychologist because then I'd have the tools to handle things better. Fair. I have been thinking about that to see if maybe I can finally get an answer to several things or if maybe I'm making all this dumb shit up in my head. But that was about all the logical shit she said.

She even thinks people are actually not working because they wanna live off unemployment and don't wanna work.

My face went blank. I tried explaining to her that people are protesting unsafe work environments, slave labor/wages, shitty bosses and she heard all of that (granted maybe I could explained it better) and all she said was, "You gotta start somewhere and from there go up".

Then it struck me that of course she'd never understand. This woman NEVER had to work during her entire years of college or even her master's. She has NEVER worked a minimum wage job ever in her entire life. I wanna find articles on what is going on with that and send them to her. She's all of what I said and more but she can sooooometimes see reason. To be honest I'm angry and disappointed in her. She always seemed to adhere to more open minded concepts in terms of society, how differences in generations was good for all of us in general, who's taken to learning what she can about mental illnesses and trauma and so on. She still has much to learn about those last two, she still can't comprehand how me making phone calls scares the fuck outta me, but it's a start? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Idk I just needed to let all of that out. I love her, she's done a lot for me but she's also been a source of stress for me and I can't openly talk to her about anything because she's not easy to talk to. Sorry for the length.

[grapefrutjuce]

The first thing is to do with Amira’s outing of Kasim. I don’t blame Amira for this - I blame the writers. The second is the delicate situation that Amira and Dani find themselves in. Tons of rambling, again.

Is there a realistic, plausible circumstance where she might have outed Kasim in some fashion? Perhaps. I generally tend to thing it’s a bit out of character, but let’s say it could happen. People make mistakes, and that is indeed a Big Mistake. My issue is with the way it was framed.

As many people have pointed out, the moment of her decision to implore Dounia to check on Kasim while he was at home with Lucas was basically tension-free. Dounia wasn’t being angry or wrathful, and her gist of the situation was basically accurate. What did Amira have to gain in that moment by choosing to STILL push Dounia to find Kasim, at that exact time? I mean, by that point Dounia was accepting of Dani and Amira and the tone was mostly conciliatory. Amira could have let bygones be bygones for the sake of the friendship. Case CLOSED.

Instead, Amira’s actions came across as quite vengeful and calculating. Maybe if it had been in the middle of a heated argument - we’ve seen her lose her temper before - and she blurts out more than she should have. She could insist on Dounia confronting Kasim immediately (she’s sick and tired of being used and blamed), and he might be outed as a consequence. 

But how about as an unintended consequence of Amira lashing out in anger, instead of totally on purpose? Where Amira thinks again and instantly regrets what she’s done, once she realizes? Not to mention completely neglects to mention Lucas or Kasim in her prayers...don’t even know what that’s about.

Plus, this is after Amira specifically told Lucas he could trust and confide in her. After knowing what Cris went through. I’m just baffled at this choice. I can’t really make it make sense, so I’ll just...ignore it I guess.

Now with Dani and Amira’s relationship. After the conversation she had in the library with Viri and Eva, I was wondering what direction things might take. Amira mentions struggling herself, and that she can’t imagine how bad it is for Dani. She mentions her desire to not ‘pick and choose’ from the rules. Eva emphasizes how big a Sacrifice this must be for Dani, because no guy would bother to do the same for her. 

With this things in mind, I thought perhaps Amira might go to one of two extremes. One, she might feel guilty about what Dani is ‘giving up’ to be with her and as a result push herself beyond her established boundaries in terms of physical interaction. I didn’t want that to happen because it’s cliche and reiterates the implication that Amira - just Amira, as Dani himself wrote - isn’t enough. Chaos ensues, and she appears weak in her faith.

Or, she might do the opposite and cut Dani out of things unceremoniously (sort of like what OG Sana did when she found out Yousef was atheist). She wants to stick to the rules she chose, why involve Dani at all? She doesn’t want to be this great temptation or struggle for anyone, so maybe they should quit while they are ahead and keep their own separate paths. Given the friendship that Dani and Amira are supposed to share above all else (this is pointed out in the few interviews I’ve read), this makes her seem cold and uncompromising, that she doesn’t believe Viri’s ‘love can conquer all.’ I’m not interested in that ‘hard, fierce, independent’ stereotype for a WOC character.

Now, after the context of their almost kiss and Amira’s conversation with Nora about the situation, it seems like they’re walking on thin ice with option number one.

The almost kiss itself, I didn’t really have a problem with. They are attracted to each other, things are still new. It will be something they need to focus and work on, if they want a future together - there will be times of uncertainty or weakness. Communication will still be the key. I appreciate that Dani did try to break the tension afterward. I can’t say I fault him for following Amira’s lead in that moment. But he didn’t pursue it or pressure her, or act passive aggressive or disappointed. I can’t take such things for granted. 

And, others might disagree with me here, but I don’t know if I’d like him being the one to ‘correct’ Amira in that sense. Like, if she had leaned in and he responded by reminding her of the rules they agreed to or turning away or something. In real life, I think it would be fine for him to do so - if they were in a serious, mature relationship. It’s always important to support your partner and encourage them to be true to themselves, or not to do something they might regret. 

But on SKAM (a fictional show about a bunch of kids), I think it would irritate me if Dani was suddenly the morality police who had to chastely rebuff Amira’s advances. To me it would read like Amira lacks conviction or agency or both, or that she’s toying with this poor white boy’s heart. Or it would make him seem like the pure damsel to Amira’s lustful villain lol - IDK, just bad optics.

But, Amira’s conversation with Nora? I didn’t care for it, honestly. I didn’t really understand it. When Amira was talking about her decision to wear the hijab to her mom, it was made very clear that it was just that - her decision. It made sense to her and was right for her. But the way she talked about her relationship with Dani, makes it seem completely different. As though she herself wants the same type of relationship her friends have, and doesn’t see why it might not be the best decision for her personally. I mean, if it was her parents who just forbid it - ‘no kissing boys’ - then her complaints would sound normal, that she would feel it isn’t fair. Because your parents have a lot of control and can enforce seemingly arbitrary rules that you disagree with.

Here, that’s not exactly the situation. Amira told Dani she eventually wants to raise Muslim kids, and her education is her primary focus right now. She genuinely didn’t seem interested, or like she would derive much from, a casual relationship. I’m sure she would like to be physically affectionate with him; I’m not questioning that. But the way she spoke to Nora made it seem like she wasn’t choosing to abstain, like she didn’t agree with it and didn’t understand it. 

‘You can do it and I can’t, that’s not fair.’ I mean, anyone can do anything. Isn’t that the point? You’re just trying to be honest with yourself in your own soul when you make your choices. So when Amira says she wonders if it’s all worth it, what does she mean? Not worth dating if you can’t do anything physical? Or not worth refraining from contact if you are dating? If she genuinely sees no harm in kissing Dani, or can do so while having a clean conscience, then what’s stopping her? Is it really just boiling down to ‘rules are rules’ for her?

It’s not that she wouldn’t have doubts, all people do. Just the wording, I don’t know. It didn’t sound so much like Amira as it did someone who follows religion merely by rote, with no thought or heart in it. Then why do it at all?  I’m not a very good Muslim by any means, but in my view that is not sustainable. 

My wish is that the Dani and Amira relationship succeeds to show that being ‘different’ is still valid, and you can choose to express your feelings with your partner in the right way for you. It doesn’t make it any ‘less’ than anyone else’s relationship and it isn’t wrong or dysfunctional. I don’t think the execution is that great, but I still have hope in the message. I’ve seen more than enough Nadia/Guzman types to last a million lifetimes - for once, can we please have the Muslim character worthy of devotion and romance without changing a thing?

[currentlyreadingmanga]

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun Chapter 21: The Tea Party (Part 1)

Previously: we went on a very stressful and very emotional trip. We finally learned Hanako’s brother’s name: Tsukasa and he continued to unsettled me like he does every single time he appears. Mitsuba actually passed away, this time for good, it seemed and it made me tear up a bit ngl. After that, the chapter decided I hadn’t suffered enough so it punched me while I was down and showed us how Hanako feels about the existence of the dead as ghosts in general and how that reflects in his own sense of self. We also got another glimpse of the mermaid and she said some real ominous shit :)))) if anything happens to Nene istg :)))))) Sigh And last but not least, Natsuhiko went to see Nene at her classroom and I’m,,,,concerned,,,,

Now onto the next chapter!

Personal update for the 50 (holy shit?) of you that still follow this blog: Well…..hi there, it’s been a while ^^;; Looking back on it, quarantine really hit me like a bag of bricks and burned me out. It’s not the first time that has happened, and what it means to me is that I just can’t bring myself to consume new content; I might have loved it so far but my brain is like “nope, we’re not doing that today” and well, this time it happened for almost two months. Also, one of my cats went missing for a little over a week (he’s home now, thankfully) and that just added to the general distress I was feeling. But over the last week I actually wrote small fics for another fandom and it finally pushed me back into a creative state, so I went back to re-read the last couple of recaps I did for JSHK and it made me realise that I miss my babies and I really want to know where the story goes, so here I am c:

Ohhhh that’s right, we’re starting a new volume with this chapter! Our main trio is front and center and judging by the colorful pastries and the tea, it is a reference to the tea party that was alluded to in the preview of the last chapter. Also, I see the ropes are back again, but this time Kou also has some around him! Nene and Hanako seem to be tied together with pink, blue and yellow ropes, Nene and Kou seem to be tied together with an orange rope and both Hanako and Kou seem to have another rope each that it’s not connected to neither Nene nor each other. Hanako’s is red and considering the way in which we’ve seen him tied up before, I would guess this represents his connection to Tsukasa. Kou’s is pink and considering everything that just happened, could his rope represent his connection with Mitsuba? Like, I know he’s dead dead now and their actual friendship was short-lived but I would also like to think that even though he’s gone, his memory will live forever with Kou, hence the rope. But I’m speculating and I already went on a long enough tangent for the cover page so let’s move on.

The next color page has the main trio again as the central focus in what seems to be the inside of a place that has a clockwork-like mechanism. On the corners of the page we have who I assume will be important character during the following arc(s): Aoi, Akane, Yamabuki and Teru (the latter one worries me slightly ngl). 

Ohhhh okay, the content page says that one of the arcs is called “the three clock keepers” so the art on that page now makes more sense.

……….I really don’t trust him hhhhh please be careful, Nene, please don’t let your weakness for pretty boys cloud your judgement.

Ohhh it could be because of Nene’s dress and the bunny ears (and the twins) but the title page gives me strong Alice in Wonderland vibes. It’s a cute picture but Tsukasa is there and Nene is tearing up so I’m,,,concerned 

Okay so Nene followed Natsuhiko outside and 

Are you reciting her your dating profile or something? also “call me Natsuhiko-senpai ♡” omfg he’s one of those, huh? Like, it could all be an act but he’s looking less and less threatening by the minute lol

Nene, bless her, has the common sense of asking him why he wanted to talk to her all of the sudden and he says it’s because “someone wants to meet her”. Gee, I wonder who that could be :)))))

…………….oh, oh no. Nene, sweetie, I need you to run and to run fast because this boy is up to no good and you’re not gonna  like what’s gonna happen. (Edit note: also this brings up a question: how did the chaotic trio know that Nene turns into a fish when she touches water? Like, I know they had been keeping tracks on her and Hanako for some time, so maybe they found out that way? Oh, maybe they use the Mokke? Because the Mokke were there in Yako’s boundary when Hanako pushed Nene down the waterfall)

Hhhhhhh and to the surprise of no one, there’s Tsukasa here to make Nene’s day more difficult.

asdasgdjash please do not make my daughter share the same fate as the puffer fish, she doesn’t deserve it (ﾟдﾟ；) (ﾟдﾟ；)

Nene fainted (can’t say I blame her jfc) and now she’s waking up in what seems to be the tea party and the floor is wet! so she thinks she could be on another boundary. Interesting, I wonder which number would this one be? Because the boundaries are assigned to the seven mysteries, right? So one of them should be in control of this place. Could Tsukasa be in control of this one? But that wouldn’t make much sense because he managed to get his “physical” form only recently, right? However, Hanako also spoke of a traitor that was changing rumors and we know that these three are responsible, so if they’re not the owners of the boundary maybe they somehow managed to manipulate the mystery that does control it? Oooor it could also be that there’s another boundary that managed to go under the radar and in turn the other mysteries don’t know about it.

sjdgjjasd she’s so done with them lol I know I call them the chaotic trio but it’s really the chaotic duo + Sakura. I’m so curious about how this whole *gestures wildly towards them* arrangement came to be.

Ohhhh this great! So Sakura got everything under control and from her introduction to Nene we now know that she’s a third year and we have confirmation that she became Tsukasa’s assistant in the same way that Nene did, in exchange for a wish. B U T, again, that brings up even more questions because Tsukasa said that while Amane granted the wishes of the living, he granted the wishes of the dead. So like (⚆.⚆) what’s up with that?? Is she an exception? Is she dead? Another supernatural? Or, maybe, even though it should be impossible considering what we know so far, could her wish have something to do with her being ‘alive’ in the school right now? Mhmmmm…...suspicious.

Okay but like, I actually really want to know how he fits in all of this because okay, Sakura and Tsukasa are linked together by the wish she made, but why is Natsuhiko here? Who is he? How did he end up working with these two?  He seems silly and completely whipped for Sakura, so maybe they knew each other before she made her “contract” with Tsukasa?  Hhhhh idk let’s keep reading.

Sakura says that she wanted to meet Nene because they’re in similar positions and she thought they could be good friends. And like, that’s a fair point…...but I don’t trust like that, no sir. Even if she didn’t want the boys to be so rough when they brought Nene here, the fact remains that they still kidnapped her so if this was just a friendly meeting, why would they need to do it in such a convoluted way?

Okay good, Nene is suspicious because of their methods and the amount of knowledge they have about her.

………………...sigh, I shouldn’t be surprised but bby no please don’t trust them so easily. She’s venting to Sakura about Hanako’s unpredictable behaviour and Sakura says that she can empathize with most of her struggles while Tsukasa is sitting on top of her shoulders and wrapping his arms and legs around here…...I can definitely see why she said he was cat-like because my cats do things like that when I’m sit down to write at my desk. But again, I know he’s technically a kid but I really need him to stop acting so cute because it unsettles me a lot.

Even he can see the romantic chemistry between those two. Well, thinking about it, that’s probably why they dragged her here, because she’s important to Hanako.

(;;⚆.⚆) NOPE, no, no thank you, I need you to back tf up please jfc

Nene snaps out of it and realizes that she let herself be drawn in by girl talk. She thankfully knows it was a stupid thing to do but she was just relieved and happy to have found someone who seems to understand what she’s going through, so I’ll cut her some slack. And she mentions that they don’t look like bad people but like I did, if they had innocent intentions, they wouldn’t have had to bring her by force.

………………...I feel like I’ve mentioned this before but I really hate it when either of them does this fucking face, it’s so creepy >n< also, Nene, sweetie, once again I’m asking you to run, run far and don’t look back because that look doesn’t spell anything good, especially paired with Sakura’s scared/resinged look (which makes me think that maybe her own intentions had been more innocent that I had originally given her credit for)

Hmmm. This is concerning; like, yes, Nene has to help Hanako with whatever he needs as his assistant as part of their deal and he does threaten to turn her into a fish when she pouts but I never got the feeling that it was malicious. On the other hand, Sakura’s wording (especially calling Tsukasa “Master” and saying she “can’t” disobey) and the look Tsukasa gave her make it seem like her punishment for not following his orders would be much more severe. hhhhh I really don’t like where this is going

Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||) Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)  WHAT THE HELL THIS THAT THING WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK OH MY GO D

“We’re gonna have you disappear now” okay so, yeah, he’s doing this specifically to upset his brother. the room is fucking sinking though and omfg what even is this room?? is it really a boundary? Since this happened at this very moment, it looks like they do control it so my questions from before remain, the biggest one being “how”. Also I’ve just noticed that the eyes all over the place are very similar to the ones in the broadcasting room and now this tells me that those weren’t an artistic choice and that is terrifying.

…………………..excuse me, w h a t??? why? hello??? “she’s like this sometimes” ????? Sakura what???? I have….so many questions, the main one being why do you let her treat you like this??

……………………………………...oh…..y’know, I hate the term simp with a passion because I feel like it’s been memed to death but wow.

Hhhhhhhh it looks like she can’t stop sinking and that (and the fucking eyes) tell me that this is not normal water (since she would have turned into a fish already). She’s yelling out for Hanako and that’s how the chapter ends. I’m still :)))))) concerned :))))))))

[marvelsangels]

I See The Light (part 2)

@valkyriesryde 400 followers writing challenge

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader. Steve Rogers/Reader.

Warnings: Idk hun depends on you.

Summary: 4 years that's how long you and bucky lasted. 4 years that's how long it took for him to break your heart.

8 Years Ago

Steve Pov

2 years, 2 years thats how long we have been together 2 wonderful years, all pushed to the side,because of the accords.

Bucky,he had to help bucky, bucky was his bestfriend he still considers him his bestfriend, it's a bond no one can break, so when he heard about what happened he had to leave everything behind, he had to sacrifice it all, even Y/n.

Y/n my love, my new beginning.She helped me get back up at my feet when i got defrosted, she helped me with the new technology that i don't understand, she helped me realize i ccould fall inlove again. And i did, i fell inlove.... with her.

She told me she loved me too, and i couldn't be more happier, she told me "i see a future with you', and i told her the same, she told me to stay... to stay and sign the accords.. to stay.. stay with her. And i wanted to, i really did, but i had to help bucky. Bucky my... bestfriend.. and my ex lover's new lover...

Years after our rebellion everything fell in to there right places again, but everything changed, nothing was the same.

I don't blame her for falling inlove with bucky, we both parted ways with a promise to each other. "I understand Steve, if it was nat i would've done the same, i would've fought by her side, im not holding this against you, so you shouldn't hold this against yourself." You looked up at him with a small smile and single tear leaving your eye. "But promise me one thing, promise me this...dont be afraid to fall inlove again, dont be afraid to try and live again, dont let this be a burden in your heart, be free..." She sobbed. I pulled her into my arms tears also leaving my eyes. "I promise." I pulled back and lifted her chin. "But promise me the same." I leaned down and gave her a small kiss of goodbye before I pulled away completely and made my way to the jet, leaving...leaving everything behind, including my...heart.

But i made a promise, and i kept it, i fell inlove, i fell inlove with Sharon Carter. I loved Sharon. Sharon helped me move on from you, she helped me, she helped me return, she convinced me to go back. To make things right.

And i did, i returned, i went back with bucky by my side. And you were there, you were waiting, you were standing outside the compound waiting, you had a small smile in your face, you waved at me, and when i reached you, you hugged me and i hugged you back, i pulled back and introduced you to bucky. Bucky, who already had heart eyes bucky, i saw it, i saw it in his eyes, he fell for you the moment he laid his eyes on you, it was love at first sight, i smiled tho i had an aching heart inside... i smiled, cause you had the same eyes, the same spark in your returned hello, the same spark bucky had. And who was i to stop you? Who was i to say i can't allow it? I had Sharon. Had. I broke it off with Sharon thinking i could get back with you, thinking i still had a chance with you, but i brought my bestfriend back and introduced him to you.

I had no right to stop you from falling inlove again, i did the same, and this was you falling inlove.. but with a different man.

No. No i didn't mope around being all bitter you were with my bestfriend. I was happy. I was happy that he made you happy. I was happy to see you smile again. To see you with your bright eyes again. I was happy. I love you, and seeing you smile made me happy.

But after 4 years of you being happy and proud you had bucky. Then bucky broke you, he let himself fall inlove, fall inlove with someone who wasn't... you.

And it pained me to see you cry, you never were once to make a scene, to show your heart was breaking, to show you feel pain too. No you chose to smile and say you were sorry, you said sorry to bucky, bucky who fell inlove with another woman bucky. That's why after you ran into your room i sped up and in to the kitchen and gave bucky a few punches he deserved.. okay maybe a lot but who's counting? He hurt you, he broke your heart, it's only fair he fights for you, you were bestfriends still after everything that happened. So he did. He fought for you. "How fucking dare you" i seethed. "How dare i what steve? This is between Y/n and i so back the fuck off." He replied calmly, before making his way out of the kitchen and into his room, but halted in tracks when i said. "I let you be buck... i let you fall inlove with the woman i once called mine...how dare you disrespect me... my heart.. by cheating on her like that?... what happened to you buck.." I said quietly. He shook his head. "I still love her steve...i wish i could say i didn't love... Olivia.. but i love her too." He whispered back. He looked up at me and said his last words before he took his jacket and his keys. "I- i- im gonna give her some space." He dragged his boots out the door and went on his way... probably to her..

Present Day

Your Pov

You stood beside steve with your hand in his, just looking over the river. "What a wild life we've had huh?" You chuckled.

He looked down at you smiling. "What a wild life indeed." He squeezed your hand letting you know he's here, he will always be here.

You looked up at him. "How are you really steve?" You smiled. He shook his head and said. "Well im with my missing puzzle piece so I'd say im pretty good?" He laughed.

You couldn't stop yourself from doing the same. Life may have given you both a shit hard time, it separated you, it gave you both heart ache. But it made the both of you grow, grow into something better from who you guys where 8 years ago. Grow so you could continue on now and grow together.. because no matter what happens, puzzle pieces are meant to be together.

So that's what you did. "I love you Steven Grant Rogers." You smiled, a tear falling from your eye. "It's been a while huh?" You chuckled with glossy eyes. Steve tucked a hair behind your ear. "I love you too babydoll." He reached for your tear and wiped it away. He shook his head and stood back extending his hand to you.

"Hello ma'am my name is steve care to have a cup of coffee with me?" He said with a Brooklyn accent and a small smile on his face.

You smiled back. "Why sure thang sugar bun, but you better get me home by 8 or my mama will kill me." You played back.

Laughing to yourselves you made your way to the nearest cafe and started.... you both started a fresh new beginning.

Fin.

-angel 💜

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

Directory’s Commentary- Love for You, Keith and Lance talk in the car

You know the drill :)

A while later, Keith came back and shut the console off mid-game. Keep in mind that by now, Keith has been sitting with the information that Lance had a panic attack AND never told him for a while. After everything else and trying to do better, he’s annoyed as hell now and hence... no patience. “What the hell?” Lance snapped. He wasn’t so much angry that he’d been playing, but the fact that Keith had hardly talked to him since he got back and simply decided to disconnect the game instead of asking Lance to pause it. “What was that for?” 

“We need to talk.” Lance stared at him, and Keith gestured to the door. “Outside. The last thing I need is for the kids to wake up.” And also, he wants to stop fighting in front of them, because the last time they argued inside, Violet got really upset if I recall correctly. It’s an attempt to shield them from arguments. 

Lance scoffed and got up to follow him outside. They got into Keith’s car and stared at the front of their house for a while. “What the hell happened?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been getting panic attacks in the middle of the day?” Keith asked in a flat voice. Y’all ever realize how when someone is pissed, it’s scarier for their voice to be all calm and quiet as opposed to loud and angry? Yeah. Keith is now at quiet voice anger. Lance frowned, unsure of what he meant. “Why didn’t you tell me… you can’t handle watching the boys?” He only got Violet’s understanding of it, so to Keith, it’s like Lance couldn’t handle the boys on his own because of the trauma, which he feels Lance should’ve told him. Lance meanwhile takes this as a jab at his parenting. Keith finally turned to look at him, his face bathed in moonlight. “Why do I have to hear it from my concerned, eleven-year-old daughter?” Then what upsets Keith is that Violet got subjected to seeing it and dealing with the worry on her own for Keith’s sake. There’s things younger children should have to do or feel obligated to do, and Keith- having never gotten a decent childhood- doesn’t want his daughter sacrificing any bit of childhood for them. Plus what he says later-

Lance clenched his jaw and ran a hand through his hair. “I can handle taking care of my sons,” he muttered. “And she’s my daughter too. The whole “My eleven year old.... etc” felt like another jab. Like he wasn’t part of it or something. And granted, because Keith had them, he has this extra sense of protectiveness, which isn’t to say he loves them more than Lance or anything, but y’know for Lance it’s like... what I didn’t have them so I’m not part of this conversation? It feels territorial which isn’t fair because they’re his kids too. What did she tell you?” Lance just wants to know what he needs to clear up, but of course to Keith it’s like wjhkadsjfakfj WHAT DO YOU MEAN just tell me what the fuck happened like you should’ve WHEN it happened!!!

“Why don’t you tell me?” Keith snapped.

Lance looked over at him and glared. “I freaked out for a second, okay? It happened once; it doesn’t mean I can’t handle my kids. Violet freaked a little, but I was fine-”

“You told her not to tell me!” Keith yelled. THIS is a big yikes. From personal experience, there is ALWAYS a sense of guilt and confusion and fear when a parent tells you to keep something secret from the other. Lance had NO malicious intentions, but it’s still heavy for a kid, and once Keith found out it just felt.... well like being lied to and roping their kid into it. 

“Because you don’t listen!” Lance yelled back. Lance does feel justified because he DID want to tell Keith himself, but Keith never opened a space for him to talk. So now they’re both just pointing fingers at each other. “Because no matter how many times I tell you I can’t sleep or I don’t want to, it just seems so easy to you. Just send me to sleep every time I get a little frustrated, because you’re not the one with the fucking nightmares!”

“They would go away if you-”

“No they won’t!” Lance shouted, hitting the dashboard. “Fuck. Keith, come on. I don’t want a fucking psychologist because I know what’s wrong with me. I know I’m traumatized, I know that…. Talking about this shit with someone isn’t going to make the nightmares stop. I don’t want to be given medication meant to numb my brain until I sleep. These aren’t stopping until I make it past the fucking cycle. What I want is to be comforted by my husband, to be with my family, not have my brain picked at by a stranger telling me I’ll be okay!”Per usual, I really want both sides to make sense and be justified. I need Keith’s side of “you should have told me, why did you hide this AND tell Violet not to tell me” to be valid and I need Lance’s pain and anger of everything he just said to make sense too. And what makes them clash is the lack of communication and the different stages they’re in. Keith is expecting Lance to be able to just act on the problems and work for a solution and tell him things, but Lance needs him there giving him a space to safely tell him what he’s going through and give him the comfort he needs at a pace. Keith isn’t giving Lance a chance to say what he needs, but Lance also isn’t bringing it to Keith’s attention and he’s putting on a face so Keith doesn’t realize what he needs. As you can see it starts to go in circles. And right now that he IS telling Keith, it’s like.... Keith is in a very angry and frustrated state now and he’s taking Lance’s tone and words as an accusation. Like he’s not a good enough partner or parent rather than a cry for help.

“What happens if the next time you panic, you hurt Charlie or Oliver?” Keith said in a quiet voice. “What, I’m supposed to come home and shrug and say it’s fine because you’re having a hard time?” Another fair point. Things could have gotten really bad if Violet hadn’t arrived, and it’s a valid concern. Keith as a parent definitely prioritizes the kids over anything, so while he’s now aware of what Lance says, he’s also pointing out that by not telling him before, the kids could’ve been in danger in some way because of a PTSD episode. 

“I’m not going to hurt them.”

“You don’t know that.” Keith sniffed and ran his hands through his hair. “God, Lance. You think you’re the only one traumatized? I was in the war with you. I jump when I hear certain ringtones and alarms because they sound like the sirens in the Castle. I have to stop and breathe when the construction workers next door are a little too loud demolishing shit because it sounds like the blasters. I’m there with you. Keith’s trying to say “we’re in this together” but with how upset he is, it’s not coming across. But he’s also trying to remind Lance that he’s not weak or dumb for struggling, that he is too. Because Keith thinks that shame is part of why he won’t say anything. I get nightmares too. But you’re…. You’re losing sleep. You’re having these panic attacks and flashbacks in the middle of the day when you’re alone with the kids-” The argument was STARTING to de-escalate here, or at least Keith was trying to reel it back and take on a more comforting approach, but again, to Lance it just sounded like Keith was blaming him. For not handling it, for struggling too much with PTSD in comparison, for bad parenting, etc. 

“Maybe if you stayed home I wouldn’t be alone.” Then this happened.

The change in Keith’s face was immediate, and it made Lance’s stomach churn. He knows Keith’s expressions by now. He knows that this means anger there’s no coming back from tonight. “Goddammit. This again?” he hissed.

“I-I know you want to provide for us, Keith, but…. God, I don’t care about how much money we have or how many luxuries we can afford. I just want you here with us like you’ve been this week-”

“You’re the one always talking about giving the kids more than what we had!” Keith exclaimed. “For fuck’s sake make up your mind! It is a lot of back and forth with of them, isn’t it? I don’t like being home all day, Lance, I need to be doing something. So.... The “I don’t like being home” came across in the worst way for Lance. To Lance, this was “I don’t like being home with you. I don’t like our home. I need to be away from the house, from you.” But Keith meant it in the sense that... he can’t be still. He can’t be stagnant. He has to be doing something besides trying to figure out how to pass the days, especially when Violet’s at school. While Lance enjoys being home with the kids and figuring out games and knows how to pass the hours, Keith just can’t. Sit still. Working gives me a routine, and it gives me the chance to give the kids things they need and things they want. And even then we’re still barely making it because we spend on so many pointless things-” I just hear this from so many adults in my life. They’re always working for more money, and when they have it they get so excited they spend it all, and then it’s a struggle with no money again and over and over. 

“Alright! Whatever. You’ll go right back to work Monday and it’ll be the same as ever,” Lance muttered. In my head, the underlying message in that sentence was “Shut up, soon you’ll go back to work and none of this will matter because you won’t have to deal with it.” “The nightmares will stop soon. We’ll just go right back to normal.” Normal for Lance is... well, the routine. But as mentioned before during the sleepover, normal isn’t okay for Keith anymore. It’s scaring him. So he stays quiet.

Keith didn’t say anything to that. Lance wasn’t sure if he expected him to. But he knew what he didn’t expect was for Keith to get out of the car and leave him alone. The silence says a lot. But leaving I think says more. I can’t even put into words the emotion or the intent or the unspoken words I wanted here. I think that sense of someone just walking out on you says a lot and I hope that it causes the emotion I wanted. I just know my heart falls to my stomach at the concept of Keith leaving Lance alone, and Idk. It’s something I can’t fully express in words, so I left it as an action. Lance stared at the dash for a moment, feeling sick to his stomach. Then he got out of the car, manually locking it before he went back into the house.

[blookmallow]

i dont have the energy to go through all my outlast 2 screenshots right now, i have one liveblog post drafted that i was working on before, and now i have a huge pile of screenshots to go through again so there’ll be. at LEAST two more... play by play type posts lmao

so anyway the order’s gonna be kinda weird but my brain is screaming and ive been going through wiki pages for like 2 hours so heres. some thoughts and a lot of questions and some observations i think im. sort of starting to get it,

---

ok so... knoth believed the antichrist was going to be born, apparently he DID think it was going to be from one of his own people, but then. blake and lynn obviously aren’t from his people so i have no idea why he suddenly decided it was on them 

marta was his “angel of death” hitman going around murdering people in the name of god

people who got sick (definitely STDs, believed to be the Curse of Sin or whatever but it might have just been anyone who was diseased at all) got banished to the scalled village where they all got HORRIFICALLY sick and infected and have completely lost their minds now abandoned by the church

val broke off from knoth’s church and started the heretics cult, they seem to be. satanists now and are trying to allow the birth of the anti christ but are also constantly trying to kill me to death too 

according to the wiki val is almost definitely a trans woman, which. the Only trans character in outlast is a woman who is a violent sexual predator who might be a devil worshipper and has wet dreams about child murder. granted everyone in outlast is fucked up but THAT’S A PARTICULAR KIND OF FUCKED UP

lynn was not visibly pregnant when they crashed, blake claims they hadn’t been sexually active in months so if she was pregnant, it’s not his child. when he finds her again she’s not only very visibly pregnant, but actively going into labor. she calls it “our baby.” blake doesn’t have the chance to ask her how this happened. this is never fucking explained : )

like it doesn’t look like lynn was just like.... reverse c-sectioned and even if someone raped her to force pregnancy she wouldn’t have gone through an entire 9 month pregnancy in ONE NIGHT, so what the FUCK was that about

the wiki mentions its possible the baby isn’t actually real, it apparently doesn’t cast a shadow and lynn has the “there’s nothing there” line, but even if blake hallucinated the pregnancy and the baby (which. at least would explain how the process of “giving birth” took like 3 seconds and she became suddenly 9 months pregnant in one day) why would lynn be reacting as if she was pregnant too. or if they both hallucinated it why did she say “there’s nothing there,” wouldn’t she be able to see it too 

anyway jessica, lynn, and blake were all friends in. high school middle school whatever age.  it seems like there was some kind of love triangle going on, jessica seems into blake in the flashbacks, blake seems unsure

he starts getting lynn and jessica confused near the end so he might’ve had some kind of feelings for her though, the wiki mentions his complete obsession with saving lynn might have been partly fueled by “i couldn’t save jessica but im going to save lynn im not going to lose them both i HAVE to succeed this time” to the point that they just kind of became the same person in his head by the end 

there’s some weird parallels with jessica playfully jumping on him and val pinning him down so its very possible jessica was acting... sexually aggressive toward him, on a much smaller scale of course, but enough that val’s assault triggered the memory

jessica was almost definitely being molested by one of their teachers/church leaders/whatever and blake seems to blame himself for not doing anything about it

i thought jessica killed herself and blake felt responsible for it, maybe figuring the abuse she was enduring from the teacher (and possibly her father, she reacts very afraid when he threatens to call her father) might have been one of the causes, and he didn’t help her 

but the wiki says the teacher actually may have killed jessica and forced blake to help cover it up as a suicide, hence... finding her on the stairs. which i guess makes sense too 

but the whole flashback thing is never explained?? i guess maybe it really was just trauma manifesting in really fucked up ways and like, that’s still narratively interesting but the fact that it kept crossing over into the real world (the recordings from the flashbacks showed up as corrupted files, so Something happened and it wasn’t just in blake’s head, frequently you get stuck somewhere you can’t escape from, get pulled into the other world, wake up somewhere else entirely) means it’s not just internal so why the FUCK is he crossing dimensions. they don’t tell you!!! i had to go digging on the wiki to figure this shit out

from the wiki:

“The "apocalypse" Blake had witnessed, as well as the nightmarish flashbacks to his childhood, were all just hallucinations induced by the Murkoff Corporation's local Radio Towers.“

WHAT???? IT WAS MURKOFF THE WHOLE TIME 

but like. are you telling me it was all a hallucination that was just kind of vaguely mentioned Once. the big reveal/the truth behind it all was literally just hinted about in One Note/One weird encounter with a distant radio tower in ONE SCENE randomly in the middle of the game and never expanded on. what the FUCK kind of writing/game design is THAT

it looks like the “voice of God” knoth was hearing was actually the murkoff frequencies too, but like. fucking why. why were they telling this guy to kill babies and create a murder cult. was it just a “how far can we take this” experiment like the “how badly can we fuck someone’s mind up if we take away their meds and exacerbate their mental illness” thing at mount massive. i mean i guess a corporation that would do That would also probably fuck with a bunch of hyper religious hillbillies too but it just seems way too convoluted for “idk just wanted to see what would happen” 

and “maybe if we hide subliminal messages in the radio frequencies we can convince some random guy we’re the voice of God” is. way too specific to actually Work, i guess maybe if they could induce hallucinations they could maybe manipulate peoples’ minds that much more efficiently but like. still. it doesnt fucking make sense!!!!!! why would it manifest as “flashbacks of childhood trauma” in blake and “suddenly im pregnant” in lynn and “God Said I Gotta Kill Everyone” in knoth and “satan said i gotta fuck everyone” in val NONE OF THAT MAKES ANY FUCKING SENSE!!!

APPARENTLY there’s a whole mess of comics that go along with this and hopefully explain shit a little bit more but “explaining what the fuck happened in your game by means of a side comic that isn’t mentioned in said game” is : ) 

I DONT KNOW. iM SO TIRED ITS 1 AM SOMEHOW

ill go through all my screenshots and shit later maybe that’ll help. something :’) god. I MEAN TO BE FAIR, outlast’s strengths have never been its story telling, it’s a great game for being absolutely scared out of your fucking mind and boy did they ever deliver on that front so like... i guess ultimately i got what i wanted out of it but im still CONFUSED,

i should really have expected this though lmao this is the same thing that happened at the end of outlast 1 i didnt understand anything until 900 wiki pages later and still hated the ending even when i finally did sort of almost understand it 

[miilesgmorales]

Abilities far beyond the ordinary (2/7)

A/N: Again, I don’t really know what I’m doing or what this is, but I gotta say I actually liked writing this a lot and am not too mad about how it turned out (maybe because Diego is my favorite and I relate to him the most. just maybe.)! I hope whoever reads this enjoys it, some feedback would be greatly appreciated. Idk if I should add like word count and warnings and such? This one’s around 2.5k, not much to warn about honestly, maybe a swearword or two if anyone’s bothered by that. Also probably worth mentioning that English isn’t my native language, so please just blame any mistakes you find on that. Now, without further ado:

Diego

Extraordinary. Super powers. What a load of bullshit.

 Okay, yeah, maybe Luther had kicked his ass for the third time this week. But that didn’t mean he was ‘super strong’ like he claimed to be. It didn’t prove shit. It just meant Diego had to do better next time. Next time, he’d be prepared. Next time, he’d come out on top.

 “Number Two!” Diego flinched at the sound of his name. It wasn’t even a name, not exactly a title either. Just an old man’s stupid ranking. What kind of father ranked his children? All it ever meant to Diego was “second best”, and he hated it. “Yes, father?” he sighed. “I will schedule an additional training session for you. Be prepared in an hour,” Hargreeves ordered. “But dad, we just got done with training. My knee feels like it’s not in the right place, I’m pretty sure Luther almost broke my arm, and my head feels funny. Do I really ha-“, Diego started to complain, but was interrupted by his adoptive father. “Stop whining, Number Two, it is unacceptable. If you want to be a member of the Umbrella Academy, you will neither complain about nor object to anything I order you to do. Understood?” Diego nodded slowly. “Use your words, boy,” Hargreeves commanded. “Yes, u-understood,” Diego murmured. He remained standing in the middle of the hallway until Reginald Hagreeves disappeared behind his office doors, then he turned around and marched down the stairs.

 Okay, this was it. He needed to figure it out. Today. No matter what. Everyone else was already there, Diego didn’t want to be left behind. Luther with his stupid strength that Diego didn’t know how to compete against. Allison had her rumor thing, that was freaky; the thought that his sister could shape the entire world to her own liking? Somewhere deep down, Diego was wondering if he’d have a place in his sister’s perfect world or if she would choose just Luther over the rest of them. Klaus’ power, well, that was downright scary. He wasn’t sure how it worked, which made it even more terrifying, it wasn’t really tangible. Five, of course, thought he had the coolest power. Sure, it was neat, but from what he had seen, it wasn’t all that reliable. Diego had watched Five’s power fail him quite a few times, that had to be frustrating. Diego would rather walk places than knowing he should be able to teleport there, and then it just didn’t work. Never in his life had Diego been more thankful for Ben to exist. Ben hadn’t come any further than he had, he was just as clueless. He was trained in hand-to-hand combat much like Diego himself, although Sir Reginald hardly ever paired Ben with Luther. Why couldn’t Diego get to fight Klaus every now and then? It wasn’t fair. However, as far as Diego knew, Ben wasn’t all that special. Not yet. So, if Diego just hurried up and figured it out today, he wouldn’t be the last one. Granted, even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t truly be the last one. There was always Vanya. Things were weird with her. Diego knew that their father had taken her aside a few times last year, and he had been under the impression it had been to figure out her power. But it had turned out Vanya was the black sheep of the family. Ordinary. Nothing special. Something Diego would not be if it was up to him. He just had to have abilities, right? It couldn’t be two out of seven, that’d be too much bad luck, even for him.

 Something Diego had always been fond of, was super speed. If Luther was super strong, why couldn’t he be super fast? There was some logic to that, right? Yeah right, the Hargreeves and their very logical super powers. Diego scoffed. He checked Allison’s room first. It was empty. Good. She and Luther were probably up in the attic. Five wasn’t home, Diego knew that much. Ever since he had found his damn abilities, he was using them constantly, never staying anywhere for too long, constantly on the move. How Diego wished he could just leave this place with a snap of his fingers or whatever it was Five did. Diego shook his head. This wasn’t about Five. Next up, Klaus. Where was he? Usually, if Klaus was in his room, Diego would hear some kind of noise - laughter, his brother jumping around. But the house was silent. Most likely, Klaus and Ben were off somewhere together doing god knows what. Diego just hoped Ben would keep Klaus out of trouble. The only one Diego had to get rid of was Vanya, who was currently playing the violin in her room. She didn’t seem to hear Diego knocking on her door, so he slowly opened it, peeking inside. His sister stood with her back to him, eyes closed, swaying slightly back and forth, clearly lost in the music. For a minute, Diego was fascinated. He just listened. To be honest, it was beautiful. How Vanya seemed to be one with the violin. How the music changed from sweet and soft to strong and powerful. He had to admit, his sister was really good at what she did. Not that he’d ever tell her. Sometimes he wanted to, felt bad about not spending as much time with her. But it wasn’t entirely his fault. Dad kept them busy most of the day, and Vanya didn’t train with them. Diego also felt like, in his father’s eyes, talking to Vanya, the ordinary one, was something that was frowned upon. And if there was one thing Diego tried to gain, it was his father’s respect and acceptance. He couldn’t jeopardize that.  He stepped forward and put a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “Hey, Vanya? Vanya’s eyes flew open, she shrieked and spun around. “Jesus! Diego! You scared the shit out of me!” “Don’t let Dad or Pogo hear that,” he laughed and added a mocking “Language, Miss Vanya!” A genuine smile appeared on his sister’s face, something Diego hadn’t seen in too long as he realized. “Sorry to interrupt, but mom needs your help with something. In the kitchen.” “Mom needs my help? Now? Twenty minutes ago, she told me I could go practice.” “It’s what she said. Better go downstairs, see what she wants.” God, Diego hoped Mom wouldn’t bust him. But she would find something for Vanya to do. She’d know Diego had his own reasons for sending his sister downstairs. She’d keep her busy. “Fine.” With a small sigh, Vanya set down the violin. “Thanks, Diego.” Diego nodded, then opened the door, letting his sister pass through first, then followed her out of the room. Done. He was alone now. Just perfect for what he had to do.

 Diego climbed up the stairs. When he reached the landing on the third floor, he inhaled deeply. If super speed was his power – and at this point, Diego was desperate enough to believe it was – this had to be how it worked. All he had to do, was to run fast enough, then his power would take over and he’d be practically flying, right? It made sense to him. Enough at least to give it a shot. Diego closed his eyes for two seconds to focus, then he bolted down the stairs faster than he ever had. He very quickly noticed two things. One, it wasn’t fast enough. There was nothing super about his speed. Shit. Two, he had somehow forgotten about the slight turn the stairs took between the second and the first floor. With full force he crashed into the wall on the first floor, and tumbled down the last flight of stairs until he came to a stop on the ground floor. Groaning, he reached for the railing and pulled himself up, just to sink down on the first step, burying his face in his hands.

 He heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Diego jerked around, ready to defend himself, to explain to his father that he was just trying to figure it out, to be better – until he realized it wasn’t Sir Reginald towering over him.

 “Diego, dear, what’s wrong?” “M-mom? What if…what if I’m not special? What if I’m ordinary? I- I’ll never be enough for him!” “If you weren’t special, you wouldn’t be here with us.” “Vanya’s here.” “Now, now. Don’t be mean to your sister, Diego. She’s figuring it out just like you are.” “But dad…he…he looks at her different. And why doesn’t she train with us? What…w-what if he won’t let me train anymore if I’m not s-special? How am I supposed to go on missions?” “Diego, dear, listen to me. You can do anything you put your mind to. Train hard, and you’ll be extraordinary, you’ll see.”

 ‘Train hard.’ Easier said than done. He was training hard, wasn’t he? How much more was he supposed to do? How much more could he do, realistically, without there being lasting damages? He wouldn’t be much help for the Umbrella Academy with a fucking limp.

 Just like he always did when he was upset – which happened more often than he liked to admit – he went to his room, crouched down in front of his bed and reached underneath it. His fingertips brushed against soft yet worn out material. There. Just a few inches more and he had it. With a sigh, he flopped down onto his stomach to crawl further under the bed. Bingo. He wiggled a bit, pushed his body backwards, and finally got up, triumphally holding an old tennis ball in his right hand. He needed it, always played around with it when he was upset, anxious, or just needed to think. The ball clutched in his fist, Diego made his way outside, carefully checking his surroundings for his father. The old man was nowhere to be seen. Good. Diego let the tennis ball slide through his fingers, from one hand to the other. He needed to focus, keep his hands busy so he could clear his mind. Except, today, it wasn’t working all that well. He was just so frustrated and upset. Stupid powers. Stupid training. Stupid Academy. What were they even doing? They were just kids. Angrily, he threw the tennis ball up in the air, catching it with ease, throwing it a little higher the next time, and a lot higher the time after that. Every time it came down, he caught it with a little more strength behind it, until he was damn near punching the ball. Diego continued his game for a while, not even paying attention to his movements or the ball anymore, instead, he was lost in his thoughts. Extra training. Bullshit. As if he needed it. He was the best out of all of them, not Luther. His brother just had an unfair advantage with his super strength. But father wouldn’t hear of it. His precious Number One. Number One, Number Two. God how much he hated it. Who was the old bastard to say Diego wasn’t good enough to be Number One? Who was he to place him second best over and over again? With a sudden furious outburst, he threw the ball as hard as he could, putting all his pent-up rage into it. What happened next was by far the strangest thing Diego had ever seen in his life – which meant quite something, considering the circumstances of his upbringing. Time seemed to stand still. The old tennis ball started to move forward, much like Diego had intended. But then, as if pulled back by an invisible force, it turned, missed Diego’s right ear by less than an inch, and was launched all the way back across the yard. It went right through one of the mansion’s windows. Glass shattered. Shit. This wasn’t just any window. It was his father’s office. Diego probably would’ve made a run for it before his father had a chance to see him, but he couldn’t move. He was still staring at the spot where the ball had turned by itself. Slowly he turned around and took careful steps towards the house. What if the ball came back? To attack him? Was there something or someone else here? Something he couldn’t see?

 “NUMBER TWO!” Reginald Hargreeves’ voice cut through the silence like a knife. Diego jerked and snapped out of his observation. “Holy shit,” he muttered. “Are you out of your mind, Number Two? What are you doing outside? Did I not tell you to get ready for your extra training? Do you have any idea what you just did?” Truth be told, no, Diego really had no clue. But at his father’s words, he had scales fall from his eyes. ‘Do you have any idea what you just did?’ What you just did. You. “I knew it,” he whispered to himself.

 Later that day, after lunch, when most of the others had scattered to probably get some time to themselves or do something fun before the evening lessons began, Diego remained at the table lost in thought.

 “What’s got you brooding like a champ today?” Klaus quipped from beside him. “I’m not brooding, asshole, I’m thinking.” “Oh wow, really? Are you feeling okay? Should I tell mom?” “Shut up. Maybe if you weren’t being such a jackass, I’d tell you.” “Tell me what?” “What my powers are!” “Oh wow, Diego, you found it? Well, what is it, do tell?” “It’ll be cooler if I show you!”

 This was it. The moment of truth. Diego had practiced a little bit before lunch, testing out his newfound abilities. He had thrown a bunch of things around in his room, even with his eyes closed they had gone exactly where he wanted them to, whether he had aimed at his target or not. He was pretty confident this was going to work.

 “Okay, so I’m gonna throw this at you.” “Excuse me?” Instead of his tennis ball, as Klaus had expected, Diego had picked up one of the kitchen knives. “No, no, no, no, hang on. You’re not throwing a damn knife at me, are you crazy?” “I won’t hurt you, it’ll go exactly where I want it to, trust me.” “Well, how do I know where you want it to go isn’t my eye? Or my lungs? Or my heart?” “Quit being so dramatic, Klaus. Just trust me on this, okay? Go stand behind the door.” “How are you-“ “I told you, it’s my power. You’ll see.”

 Reluctantly, Klaus did as he was told. Diego took four steps back and closed his eyes. One deep breath. Go time. With a slight buzzing noise, the knife glided through the air. Diego could feel a gentle breath of air on his face. Then the noise. He knew the knife had found its target. Klaus shrieked. Diego let out a laugh. “Oh wow, Diego. That’s…” Klaus stared at the knife that hat struck right between his outstretched fingers in awe. “Cool, huh?” Diego exclaimed with a satisfied grin.

 Maybe super powers weren’t so bad after all.

tags: @diego2hargreeves @gayouijaboard (you didn’t ask to be tagged, I know, but I’m just kinda forcing this on you, sorry not sorry) @errmynee @goldennparker @missingyoucth