#if anyone hard disagrees I would love to hear ur thoughts bc I get it’s a brutal book and even the author herself has said things about it

[serotinals]

Idk if anyone’s read a little life but I just reread it and I have so many thoughts okay… I’m gonna spoil the fuck out of it and just say what I gotta say!!

Ok for starters it definitely isn’t for everyone, and if it’s too much for someone to read and it would send them spiraling that is so deeply understandable! and like yeah pls PLS don’t read it if it’ll ruin your mental health like you are so much more important than a lesson on a page!!! But like the argument that it’s suffering simply for sufferings sake is simply untrue to me bc there’s so much to unpack in that book, and so many lessons,,,, 4 starters I think the reason it’s so descriptive is that we’re supposed to be transported into a mindset of someone deeply traumatized, and whether it’s to the same extent as Jude or not, the point is that some people are traumatized to the point it’s unspeakable, and what does that inability to speak on such a huge part of your life and your psyche DO to a person?? And I think we as the reader are taking on what Jude (standing in the place of many traumatized ppl) is terrified of people thinking of him - that he’s a burden, that his pain is too much blablabla, and it IS. And we’re meant to care for him and to sit and witness that pain anyway bc it’s through that witnessing process that people heal. I think a major part of why Jude ultimately doesn’t fully heal is bc he is so fixed in his self image, and so unshakably reluctant to disclose his past that he just constantly has to sit with himself and hear the echo of his own opinions of himself, and they’re awful fucking horrific feelings. And I don’t think it would have the same effect without his suffering being so relentless, as in I don’t think it was for no reason. Like it’s so bad you eventually feel numb to it, and we go through what Jude goes through, and we bury it and we can’t even comprehend it anymore, and that’s why it’s just so fucking ingrained and impossible to speak of and consequently let go of. Sigh anyways idk if this is making sense 😹😹 I’m going through a little life phase as u can see and I really disagree when people say it’s so much pain for no reason or “trauma porn” like yes it’s ABSOLUTELY not for everyone and it’s a violently disturbing read… but not for no reason. there’s so much to learn from witnessing Jude’s suffering, and I don’t think yanigahara was just torturing him for fun or for the sole purpose of upsetting or disturbing the reader … BASICALLY … my key takeaway is that we all need each other. We need to bear witness to each other’s pain, and the same way that not everyone’s gonna be able to read this book, not everyone’s gonna be able to bear witness to your pain, but SOMEONE will, and someone will love you behind all of it, and letting someone witness what you’ve buried is never pointless, or for nothing, in fact it’s necessary

[love4hobi]

Okay this is gonna be long but I wanted to respond and put my 2 cents in about ur asks u got yesterday and discussion over bts recent music....okay so I read somehwere (I forget) that PTD was like their end to the trilogy thing of songs they were doing in that type of genre / English thing...Idk if that’s 100% true but it can give hope. Imo I actually liked butter and stuff PTD was just straight up bad but I liked butter and dynamite...is it their best work clearly not close but it wasn’t bad like PTD😭😭 also as I’ve been a fan for so fucking long (2015) I can say that for 2020-2021 bts KEEPS their success bc they’re such great perofmorers and bring it everytime despite the current music they’re releasing...(my opinion...) like I rememebr watching festa room live and being like holy shit they’re so good what the fuck and then realizing they were performing like all old b sides besides 2 songs😭😭 idk. To me they still perform and put on top level stages and that’s what keeps me interested and a fan to this day...also idk if you liked MOTS and persona but I liked both ...and BE was an okay album to me (not their best but come on KDKDKDKDKDKDD) also I think we as fans need to expect that every artist has their peak. Like there’s so many western rock /alt bands that I’m in love with their albums and then they release shit I don’t like after being together for like a decade and I just have to accept they reached their peak musically but am able to look back at their work they have done and still love them for what they did and released. Idk. I think bts can still bring it back musically as the time period of 2020-2021 isn’t that long in my opinion. Yes it’s been their worst year musically but it’s been like a year since dynamite so it hasn’t been THAT long. I think it feels like a long ass time tho so I get it....I’m giving them a lot of room and you obviously can disagree I’m just stating my opinion lol!! Cuz I do agree that PTD sucked and hybe is stupid...I mean take a look at what p dogg said a month ago when he said that it’s sad that bts songs are getting so incredibly short and the rap line can’t show their skills anymore to cater to the market and to check out their other music...(literally say that shit like word for word basically in a YouTube video....) like does this man (their long time producer) expressing these worries seirously have 0 say??? Like it really seemed like he is bummed about their recent shit too and bts are rich so you’d think they’d put their foot down and say no to anything...but I agree with you about how they’ve been grinding nonstop for 8 years and maybe they’re just fucking tired. Like it’s understandable. Anyway, I agree that this years music has been lacking (and honestly I lowkey feel that way about all kpop AT the moment)....like txt is the only group imo that is releasing good music right now...not to drag anyone else but twice disappointed me this year and nct and skz too 😭😭 but you know!! It is what it is!!! Back to bts tho, I personally still love them bc of their body of work that they have done and their stage performances and probably will feel that way for a long time. Idk, I’ve experience this with so many bands so it doesn’t shock me that much. Like for ex the band arctic monkeys had a perfect discography for me then they released an ass album and it sucked and I just accepted that maybe they just reached their peak 😭😭 idk...this was super long but oof

oh hmm i havent heard that about the trilogy but that certainly would be nice,, but then the coldplay collab is pretty much basically confirmed at this point and thatll probably be mostly if not all in english 🙄 and omg yes ur so right performing is definitely one of their biggest strong suits especially on tours whenever i go back and rewatch old concerts its just like theres no one else like them like theres lots of great performers in kpop but theres just something special about them altogether as a group!! and the thought and effort they put into end of the year stages always blows me away, but yea also smaller things like the festa room live are so nice,, they just work so well together on every level. but i do see what ur saying about them peaking cus yea i loved black swan and on and i could see how that would feel hard to top, but idk yea like i said in another ask they might just be tired and i think if they dont put out anything that great in the next year or two i feel like they might be able to get back together sometime after enlistement once theyve hopefully been a little ✨rejuvenated✨ and had time to rest n just live their lives for a bit (and bighit has hopefully moved on to txt and the new gg a bit more) and finally be able to to do something thats more them and just fits what they actually want to be doing at that point in their careers. but omg yea exactly what u said abt pdogg it kinda rly sucked to hear him say exactly what i was thinking in that vid and for His opinion to still not even have an effect on anything :( but also yea like you said and ive said in some other asks the pandemic has affected the music quality of a lot of groups/artists and theres always hope that things will get back to normal afterwards or maybe they really have peaked unfortunately theres no way to know we just have to wait n see ig :/

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

no one else has reblogged ask meme Mondays so I'm just going fucking apeshit with u. from the big boy: b7 for raini bc it's funny, c1 for cog bc it's inchresting, h3 for brilliance bc I know there's some gay shit going on and I want to hear more, then a17 (character proud of themselves or ur proud of ur rp as them) L5 and L6 for whomsoever u want to talk about

I won’t need a readmore for this one, I tell myself. There’s not that many questions, and they’re not proseboys. I was a fool. She’s too long to be allowed to run on people’s dashboards unrestrained 😔 Thank you! For going apeshit!!

Raini

B7. How do they respond to babies crying in public? I guarantee the image you have for how Raini would react to a crying baby is 10000% correct. She’s unhappy. Uncomfortable. Unimpressed. Can you please make that thing be quiet. Why did you have it if you can’t mange it. This is why she’s never having kids. Like she’s not gonna say anything to the parents or shoot them dirty looks, because she’s not that specific flavor of asshole, but she’s going Mind Her Business and vacate the premises if possible. People who want to take care of something should just get a cat. Goddamn. There is ONE (1) baby that may qualify for an exception, and that’s Red. This is because (and please, picture Raini, the absolute picture of ‘fed up’, squatting down to look a fussy Red in the eye while she says this) “Baby Lent. You’re better than this. I know you are, and you’re letting me down. You need to stop making that noise.” This is unrelated to the question, but please also picture a Raini who was asked (blackmailed?) into babysitting using her Mage Hand to change Red’s diaper. It has nothing to do with the question but I think it’s a Very funny mental image. Thank you.

Cog

C1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it? Absolutely! The way Cog approaches the world is defined by three main mantras: - Kindness is a discipline, not a character trait. - Doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it is always worth doing. - If you are able to help someone, you have an obligation to do so. Between these three things, Cog sees the world in pretty black and white terms. There are right decisions, and wrong ones. The difference between the two is usually clear to anyone who cares to look, and so most of the evil in the world is born of selfishness. Consequently, Cog does very poorly in morally grey situations. She will commit without hesitation to any course of action that she deems “right” and “kind” no matter how drastic or dangerous it is, but she pretty much shuts down the second she’s faced with a decision that has consequences for someone regardless of what she does.  I’m sure that has not, and will not, come in her life ever at all. Ahah!  I think originally, this worldview was born of naivety. She grew up that religious kind of super sheltered where everything in the secular world was dangerous and dirty, and so when Cog began to realize that definitely wasn’t the case she made the choice to intentionally see the best in people and the world around her to fight what she was told growing up. When she started traveling with her party and actually seeing more of the world than the extremes of a) shitty cult town b) shiny clean magic school, she began to realize that the true state of the Wasteland was somewhere between what her Mama had told her and what she wanted to believe it was. But I’ve never in my life made a character who is stubborn as hell deep down, so instead of letting the world she found herself in change her Cog took a deep breath, rolled up her sleeves, and settled in to be the one changing it by loving and helping the people around her.

Brilliance

H3. Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right? I think Brilliance absolutely adores the idea of two people being made for one another. Two souls, wandering the world looking for one another? Who slot together so perfectly that when they find each other it’s clear they never could have fit anywhere else? Bruh. Yes, she knows love takes work. Sometimes you and your partner are going to disagree, and sometimes there’s going to be conflict. The world isn’t “love at first sight” then smooth sailing for the rest of your life. But you put in the work to make your lives better, together, because the universe gave you this person to care for. Maybe there are many people who you could be happy with, and those relationships aren’t anything to look down on. But when you find The One, Brilliance thinks, you know. She certainly did.

Don’t Worry About It

A17. What’s one of your OC’s proudest moments of themselves? Gonna hijack this question to talk about rp moments I’m proud of because Alex sorta kinda gave me permission to do that! Alright! For Raini, the biggest rp moment I’m proud of was her “I’m getting our memories back” speech a few sessions ago, specifically the line, “We’ve been fighting with one hand tied behind our backs for too long. If we’re going to die fighting this thing, I want to know exactly what I’m fighting for.” Morgan and I had been planning to kick off our return from July Hell Hiatus with Wish Two for a couple of days, which meant I was lucky enough to be able to spend a little while planning what to say. I feel like that line in particular embodies Raini’s unwavering confidence in her magic, her determination, and her specific brand of caring for the people around her without actually admitting that’s what she’s doing. I also really liked the way the scene of her apologizing to the party for being Bitchy post losing Magic for a minute went! Idk if anyone else remembers it, because it was pretty short in game, but! I thought it was a very good moment of Raini finding the most Roundabout way to say “thank you for looking out for me while I was defenseless”.  If I can pat myself on the back a little, my Cog monologues kick Ass. The most recent one was when she was talking to Ace about how War is Bad (radical, I know) and there was a moment where she looked at him and said, “...I’m not going to ask for your help, because I don’t know what I’ll do if I do and you say no.” Which. OOF. That was her and I realizing in real time that she and Ace were very much on different sides of this issue. When the session ended everyone said they Loved how good and hurtful that conversation was and I :’) Also, there was a really small moment when Cog was pleading for Maelo’s life (when Sunny’s dad had him locked in a cat carrier. It’s a Long story, made slightly better by the fact that Maelo was wildshaped into a cat at the time) and Cog went Straight for the dad heartstrings by sniffling and asking if, please, would Robert at least let her say goodbye to her friend before he killed him? Please? 😢  She is using her baby face for EVIL!  And oh my god how could I forget! Arcane Timeout! When the party went back to New Alexandria and was confronted by Ace for helping a prisoner escape (which, in fairness, Maelo did do) and Cog brought the encounter screeching to a halt by casting Wall of Stone to make a timeout hut with herself and Ace inside. She then sat herself down, looked Ace dead in the eye, and told him that the wall wasn’t coming down until he actually talked to her, or until he broke her concentration on the spell. She banked hard on him not being willing to hurt her, and it paid off. There were tears all around, both in and out of character. It was Wonderful. Also! I do just want recognition for the fact that I did not give into my impulses to be a little Shit as Cog last session by subtle casting Heal in Ace’s face after he Counterspelled my Healing Word. it was what I Rebekah wanted to do more than anything; unfortunately Cog is a better person than I am. There is No worse feeling than wanting so badly to do something you have no choice but to admit isn’t in character. Rip.  For whatever reason, all of my favorite Brilliance rp moments came during combat. Pressing her forehead to Sabre’s after he died in silent grief, forcefully taking a Narzugon off his Nightmare and then using Misty Step to mount it herself and take off after her friend, planting herself in the chokepoint of a hallway to stare down three minotaurs so she could keep her party safe behind her, pushing deeper into the hellwasp nest to rescue Dembe and Sabre despite knowing that doing so all but destroyed her chance of making it out alive, the list goes on. There were good out of combat moments too (despite the rest of the party’s best efforts 🙄), but I feel like for once I made a character who really shone in combat.  oh GOD I just remembered one really really good rp moment, when our rogue Zihro died when he got separated from the party during combat. We finished taking care of the main devil we were fighting, then began searching the dungeon for Zihro and the npc he was with. We, instead, found both of their corpses. Dembe looked to Brilliance, our healer, and demanded to know why she was just standing there instead of fixing their friend. We were only level three or four at the time, so Brilliance had to tell Dembe, again and again, that she couldn’t fix Zihro. It was too late, she wasn’t powerful enough yet, her goddess wouldn’t answer a prayer like that- It was a rough scene, and without question one of the best rp moments I’ve had with that group. Tae, if you’re reading this, you’re the only one with rights. Also, please unfollow this blog immediately.  Now as a quick pick-me-up after that mess, Pip’s best rp moment was when our barbarian Durokal -who couldn’t read and had a habit of running off and causing Problems- found a plaque he could tell had five words on it, and called Pip over to read it for him when Pip finished chasing him down. Pip, annoyed and out of breath and all of two feet tall, looked up at this 7 foot half-orc and told him, “It says: I’m. Gonna. Kick. Your. Ass.” Also, he regularly called very powerful figures in Barovia by sweet nicknames with “Mr.” in the front. As a sign of Respect. Because he’s the Best. sdfhsdkfj he also he couldn’t think of a fake name quick enough one time so he told an npc that is name was Dick and he was Very embarrassed about it. She: bought it!

Brilliance, Again

L5. Which OC do you think is the most decent morally or behaviorally?  AKA, which is supposed to a “good guy”? The answer is Cog, but we already went in depth on her morals this ask. She’s HAD enough screen time let’s move on. Brilliance is the only other character who, if asked, would say they saw themselves as a good guy instead of just “a person”. She strives to do right by the people around her, and to protect the light and beauty found in the world. She doesn’t have the same illusions about the world wanting to be a good place that Cog does, and she very much understands that sometimes the best thing you can do for the world is to put the things that make it dangerous six feet under. What’s interesting I think is that, despite being a paladin, she isn’t Lawful Good! She’s Neutral Good, because you know what? She wants to do the right thing, and laws aren’t always right. It’s up to you, as a person with a mind and free will and agency, to look at a situation and decide what you think is the right thing to do. And, for Brilliance, generally the right thing to do is heft her sword, raise her shield, and face trouble head on.

Raini, Once More

L6. Which OC do you think is the worst morally or behaviorally? AKA, which is supposed to be a “bad guy”? I don’t have any evil aligned characters, because I personally find things like “getting along with my party members” sexy, but the character who’s the shittiest and the worst is obviously Raini. She’s not a bad person per say, she’s just selfish and results oriented. Very much “the ends justify the means” and in a party like hers she’s aware that somebody has to be the bad guy sometimes, and she’s not afraid to make sure that’s her. She’s also very very likely to fall victim to her hubris making her feel like she definitely knows what’s best, and acting on that maybe without consulting other people (see: the whole fucking premise of the campaign). She sees a goal, she sees a way to accomplish that goal, so why shouldn’t she begin taking the necessary steps to reach it? I think the events of the game have mellowed this flaw out a little bit, but you can still see traces of it in the way she, for example, wordlessly handed Lent a bunch of diamonds before launching her consciousness into the Abeast and very nearly dying in there without consulting with the party first. It happens!  Also, behaviorally, she’s just. I mean. She’s like that. The worst. And that, I promise, will never change. 

[cottonblush]

model student | hrj

❧ word count: 2,568

❧ genre: fluff, humor

❧ notes: i really didn’t know what to title this but then i was like?? hey the reader is a model student bc they’re like a top student who tutors often and renjun is a literal model student so,,,, watch literally no one get my pun um we love that! also renjun is 500% visuals he could definitely be a model and if anyone disagrees they’re irrelevant:)

renjun really doesn’t want to take more time off of school since he’s already missed a lot

but he’s gaining more popularity in the model industry and doesn’t want to miss out on any opportunities

so after almost a month he’s done bunch of shoots and decides it’s time to go back to school

but when he gets back he’s kinda lost

ok maybe really lost

renjun likes to consider himself a pretty smart person but he’s having a hard time catching up

so his teacher says he’s assigning you as his tutor bc you’re one of the smartest students

and at first renjun is like,, no way josé i can handle this on my own

but then his chemistry teacher starts talking about the born-haber method and it’s at that moment he knows

he fucked up he desperately needs help

he’s supposed to meet you after school the next day and he’s lowkey nervous because,, what if you judge him or look down on him

but then he realizes he just doesn’t?? care what people think

so he gets to the library and at first he doesn’t see anyone so he’s like

gasp!! i’ve been played

but then he notices you sitting on a bean bag chair near a big window

you’re studying what seems to be calculus and you have earbuds in so you don’t hear him approach

just when renjun goes to tap your shoulder you take a sip of water

and end up spitting it out all over your textbook bc you really didn’t hear or see him coming

meanwhile renjun is just standing there wondering if he should apologize or like help clean up or something

and he’s about to ask if you need a napkin

when you jump up from your seat and turn to face him and

??? you smile at him

renjun is officially confused™

shouldn’t you be mad?? he made you ruin your textbook and those aren’t cheap

anyway you take your earbuds out and place your book on the floor and you say

“hi you must be renjun! i’m y/n!”

and renjun is like “ok but your book,, she dead”

you assure him that it’s totally fine it’s your own copy of the book anyway

so then yall sit down at a table after cleaning up the water

and then you clear your throat and ask what he needs help in

renjun tries to be nonchalant about it like “oh i mean i’ve kinda gone for a while but i’m sure i can catch up in no time”

but then his voice cracks in the middle of it and then he’s like!! oh shoot i look dumb

but you’re nice so you just don’t bring it up and decide to assure him

“ii think so too:))))) you seem like a rlly smart person”

renjun doesn’t know how but you seem to speak the language of smiles? and he’s mildly uncomfortable like how can you be this happy after a long day of school

anyway he decides to just explain his predicament and tell you about his modeling gigs and stuff

and once again you surprise him by not freaking out or acting different like most people do

you just nod and smile some more like you totally understand him

and the weird thing is?? it’s actually believable

like renjun really feels like you get him and he thinks to himself?? mayhaps yall could be friends

so you guys finally get to the studying part and you somehow manage to crack a joke every two seconds

even though they’re lame renjun laughs bc his grades sorta depend on you helping him

but once in a while you say something sorta funny and renjun loses it

and it’s weird bc you’re the first person he’s met that he feels comfortable around (other than his friends jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, chenle, and jisung)

anyway so you two cover a couple of subjects and before long the sky is dark and you’re like

oh shoot i gtg!!

and renjun is kinda worried you’ll be in trouble

but then you’re like

lol no it’s just that my cat likes to be fed at a certain time and if she doesn’t get her food she literally attacks me but it’s totally fine ahah living my best life

you and renjun decide to meet 3 times a week so that he can get caught up asap

and ofc renjun’s friends think he’s got a gf so one day they decide to stalk him and they follow him to a starbucks where you said you would meet

and they get out a newspaper and hats and sunglasses and everything

they really think they’re being super sneaky but

everyone is giving them weird looks

except you and renjun bc for once yall are?? actually studying? who would’ve guessed

anyway after about 2 minutes of staring at you two chenle gets bored and decides to confront you

so he gets up and he doesn’t even bother taking off the gigantic trench coat and sunglasses he’d been wearing

“dude are you just not gonna introduce me to your gf/bf i’m so offended,, i thought we were close i even binged the kung fu panda movies with you”

you and renjun look up and see this giant blob of a man(??) shaking his head disapprovingly and yall are just like,, whomstve?? do we know this chump?

and then chenle rolls his eyes and then takes off his disguise and renjun groans and rolls his eyes

“how did i not know it was you chenle,, first of all they’re not my gf/bf and second you’re the kung fu panda fan here are we just gonna ignore the fact that you collect all the figurines-”

ofc chenle ignores renjun and he turns to you and is like

“how do u even tolerate renjun ugh he can be so mean sometimes he’s basically my bully”

and you laugh and tell chenle that renjun isn’t that bad he’s actually kinda sweet sometimes

cue chenle going “oooooooooooooooooooh yall are totally dating”

renjun doesn’t even try to hide it when he kicks chenle in the shin

by now, the rest of renjun’s friends have given up on their disguises and are blatantly staring

and renjun notices them out of the corner of his eye

he drops his head in his textbook and just wants the earth to swallow him up

on the other hand you’re having a blast because renjun’s friends are a hoot!!

you guys have a lot in common and after 10 minutes you’ve already promised chenle see his figurine collection and you tell donghyuck that you’ll totally go sing karaoke with him

renjun is lowkey jealous so he reaches across the table and taps your hand and is like,, can we ditch uh-,, can we ditch

so then you tell the boys that you have to take care of your cat because it’s sick

and technically you’re not lying you do have to feed it

renjun stands up and is like,, dw i’ll walk u home so we can save ur cat!!

so you two grab your stuff and dash and it kinda has the boys suspicious but they’re dumb so they’re all thinking

omg i hope the cat is ok lets all go home and pray for it

anyway so now it’s just you and renjun walking down the street and watching the sun set

and renjun is mentally asking himself why he got jealous back at starbucks

he decides that he got to know you first so maybe he’s friend jealous?? yeah bc that’s totally a thing

and his mind also goes to this new offer he got from a photographer recently

he wasn’t going to take the job but now he figures when he gets back he’ll get to spend more time with you and for some reason that makes him rlly happy

so he tells you about it and is like

“you better be there to catch me up god knows i can’t count on the others”

and you laugh and say ofc you’ll help and you’re super excited for him bc it’s a shoot for a pretty well known brand

when renjun finishes his shoot he’s really excited bc he thinks it turned out amazing and he can’t wait to show you,, and of course the others too

so he gets home and he’s about to text you when he sees this notification for an article about him

it talks about how he’s just a generic teen who does the same poses over and over again and he doesn’t even look that good

and all of a sudden renjun just feels like he’s lost all confidence

it really isn’t like him he’s usually super confident and doesn’t care about what strangers think but

this review came from a famous fashion magazine and he really liked it but now?? not so much

he doesn’t reach out to anyone for a while

and after a couple days you know something’s up because you know he’s home from the shoot already

you go to visit him and you find out he locked himself in his room

and you knock and ask if you can come in but he doesn’t answer

so you just talk to him from outside and hope he’s listening

you start by saying you heard from his manager what happened and that he’s dumb for even caring about some random article

and then you rant about how he’s smart and funny and has pretty much everything going for him

and then last but not least you’re like

“you’re someone i and a lot of other people look up to a lot and i rlly want to see you smile again bc it’s lowkey gorgeous and you’re lowkey gorgeous but anyway”

you figure you’ve said enough so you skedaddle!! and uh usain bolt can step aside bc you’re pretty sure you’ve set a new world record

all this time you’re freaking out bc you have no idea where all of that ‘ur so gorgeous’ talk came from

probably out of your left buttcheek you’re literally so flustered

and renjun is just thinking about what you said and he doesn’t know why but,,, he can’t,, stop smiling

those negative thoughts? poof gone. insecurities? whomst.

ok so a few days pass by and renjun finally goes back to school

and it’s lunch time

and renjun is nervous to see you but he still doesn’t know why

and you’re nervous to see him bc you think you made yourself sound dumb the other day

so you try to distract yourself by talking to jaemin about some gossip you two heard

but then in your peripheral vision you see renjun enter the cafeteria and your heart!! stops

and you still don’t know why but your heart is like all tingly

as renjun approaches it hits you like a brick,,, you like renjun!!!!

snap crackle pop you rlly like this dude!

so you get up mid sentence and you run up to him and you just smile and say “you’re back i missed you:))”

and he says he missed you too and he missed your smiles

and then you’re like “haha that’s nice um wanna go on a date some time,, wow is that a bird in chenle’s hair i should go bye”

renjun is like “wait what did you say” but you’re already: gone

and he runs after you and makes it to the lunch table and you’re sitting there with your face in your hands bc you think you’ve just screwed it up

so he sits down next to you and gently takes your hands away and like just holds them in his and the size difference is so cute bc compared to his hands yours are so tiny!!

at this point the rest of the boys have gone quiet and are staring and chenle is about to interrupt and say something dumb but jeno shuts him up by shoving some ramen down his throat

and he senses the atmosphere (perhaps he’s been binge watching the bachelorette and love island in private so he knows what’s up) and somehow grabs all the other boys and drags them away

as he’s leaving jeno does like a salute in renjun’s direction bc he’s got his bro’s back but

renjun is too busy rn

trying to get you to look at him

also jeno is now pouting bc he really wanted it to be this whole cool scene where he and renjun saluted each other or did some like secret code but,, it’s totally fine:(

anyway so here you are face as red as the chilies in the popeye’s red stick chicken advertisement

you’re just like

why did i say that why did i say that wHY DID I SAY THAT

but then renjun is like

“hey y/n i’d really like to go on a date with you if you could maybe breath first tho”

and you’re like

“…………………………wait what”

“yeah i actually think you’re really cool and i’ve sorta had a crush on you for a while”

“…………………………wait wHAt”

“istg if you say that one more time i’m leaving”

“nono uh i mean are you sure you like me?? i’m not that special or anything”

renjun then hits you on the head and assures you that to him, you’re the most special and beautiful and perfect

and you’re like

uwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu

“that’s cute aw so glad i have a recording of it”

and renjun stops and says “um recording?? whom-”

“sweetie it’s called acting now ii have something to blackmail you with if you’re ever rude to me”

and then you pull out your phone from your pocket and you stop the voice memo app and save the recording as

'bf’s confession uwu’

and then renjun chases you for the rest of lunch trying to delete the recording and you’re laughing rlly loud and disturbing everyone but

you guys don’t care bc you’re too happy

and tbh everyone thinks you’re a cute couple

like jealous classmates? no how about supportive ones who ship you and write fanfics for yall

it’s cute how renjun can get flustered by some of the stories that get written about you two

and he has to try and keep his 'idc’ façade up but it never works

anyway the point is yall are basically perfect for each other

catch you two on campus at the tuck shop buying snacks for each other

or walking home together

or finding cute lil restaurants to eat at

eventually your relationship goes public and like

at first you get a bit of hate bc some of renjun’s fans are protective

but then they realize you’re a literal squish and then all of renjun’s supporters turn on him and are like

“istg if you hurt y/n i’ll kill you idc how gorgeous you are”

and honestly you love it and you rub it in his face like all the time

“hah maybe i should be the famous one it seems like they like me more”

“shut up or i’ll make chenle do his dolphin laugh every time you try to sleep”

“lol nice try we’re kung fu panda buddies there’s no tearing us apart”

perhaps renjun hates you but at the end of the day he can’t see himself living without you

so it’s all good

[beverlyr0ad]

crimes of grindelwald thoughts

alright obvious spoilers not that it matters bc i have one follower lmao but !! i need somewhere to scream abt this movie

first of all i love jacob and newt so much. best parts of this movie honestly i love them and i want them to be happy 

but to be fair i actually rlly rlly enjoyed watching this movie!! like,, there are a looot of things i dont understand about it and i have no idea how they happened or why theyre happening but thats Okay i would still recommend everyone watch it! its so good!!!

good things:

- grindelwald !! i mean,, no hes not a good thing but i really liked how they wrote his character. like i can UNDERSTAND the power he has over people and how hes manipulating them. hes really not just a Voldemort 2.0 and i respect that a lot bc thats not what an entirely different villain should be like. but casting issues and all aside i really liked this

- i also liked the interaction between leta lestrange and dumbledore that was some good stuff and the actors were rlly good too !!! - i like the direction queenie is going in. i mean i dont actually of course but it seems realistic and i think its important and its good character development n stuff so hhh hope that works out later tho !! i am Suspense

- jacob walked into that movie and i was like !!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDDD i love him so much and it was rlly nice to see him back even if i dont think it was that neat to have him lose his memory of everything that happened for significance and in this movie have everything go like WHOOMP hes back but i uhhhh loved it anyway so this is not a complaint its a good thing - i still loved newt and having a good main character makes the whole movie a better watch in general. ive seen sequels where i just Cant get attatched to the new characters but wow i didnt really have much of a problem with that here

- it was also never boring and i really just loved n enjoyed this movie a lot!!!  okay hhh bad things/things that i personally disliked:

- ive seen different opinions on this but??? what was that blood pact????? what are u doing??????????????? i cant even be coherent properly so here are the main reasons that was rlly dumb

1- w-who does that in a romantic relationship ever :o and yes jkr has literally said dumbledore n grindelwald were in LOVE HELLO feel free to correct me if im wrong on anything but if ur gonna say it u should show it,,,, Continuity Please. anyway separate issue but if u love someone youre not gonna be like “hey lets make SURE we dont fight each other ever” because youll trust that the other person?? isnt gonna fight u???!!!???? im

2- thats literally not the reason he “cannot move against grindelwald” okay like it shouldnt be. this conversation literally happens in dh and dumbledore says he was scared of facing what rlly happened when ariana died!! there was no actual physical thing stopping him!!! the only acceptable justification is that he doesnt want to face this ghosts of his past and that moment and he is SCARED okay so COME ON give dumbledore his faults! hes scared of his past and that IS the reason!!

3- wait how did grindelwald, aberforth, and albus fight if they had already entered a blood pact. like i dont think albus would aim for his own brother EVER but could he even attack grindelwald if they had a blood pact?? not sure how this works lol but who was he aiming for then??? just firing everywhere randomly without intention cause that sounds,,, significantly harder to believe and makes that scene loads messier esp if grindelwald couldnt aim for albus either so

4- the blood pact was so frickin unnecessary im sobbing. like there was the scene where its all like “oh some say you were as close as brothers” and dumbledore is like “oh we were closer than brothers...” and im like OK! the little scene in the air doesnt explicitly reveal anything either so thats ok but the closer than brothers line was rlly revealing for me. at least for like two minutes and then dumbledore looked in the mirror and saw himself making a blood pact w grindelwald. like ok is That what u meant by closer than brothers bc thats what everythings pointing to but it shouldnt be and i.............ugh

5- im honestly just kind of hhhhhhhhhhhh. i can concede that the blood pact might be significant in later films and i look forward to watching them! but. at the same time i. wish that if you were going to say dumbledore was gay it would actually be explicitly referenced in the movie, instead of dancing around that and dropping it in hints and pieces that fans of the series who know this information will understand and others can just dismiss as friendship! there were So Many good places in this movie to include this fact (altho feel free to disagree w me haha) and i think that not including this fact was honestly tiring.

- nagini...........obv this isnt a huge problem bc idk where her story will go next n it might develop n become important but as of rn, i have no idea what her role in this movie is. i wonder if her reappearance in the harry potter series will actually be of significance and if itll be explained how she will end up under servitude to voldemort bc i genuinely dont understand right now. it just seems like a cameo to draw attention in the trailer ghgdjh

- leta lestrange’s death didnt feel right or impactful and im sad . definitely a huge opinion here but it felt like a mandatory character snuff to make the movie sad and ghdsjgfh oh well :(

- little continuity issues?? dumbledore being DADA professor instead of transfiguration bc Boggarts Are Important For Foreshadowing. also how is mcgonagall an adult or actually how is she even alive and um of course the fact that this movie doesnt confirm what jkr has said about dumbledore and grindelwald beforehand. 

- im actually going to totally repeat myself bc this deserves a separate point umm why arent dumbledore and grindelwald actually shown as in love with each other as young men. its completely relevant to the movie and its not hard to put it in there instead of the bLOOD PACT (ask anyone irl ive been screaming abt the blood pact ever since i came out of that movie). anyway i know david yates said he wouldnt be including that as part of the movie as fans are aware of that aNyway but its not that hard to understand. people are asking for actual representation?? not smt vague??? because this is just here to Please People. if u refuse to see this ship, ure just gonna see them as having a friendship! maybe u havent heard about what jkr said or maybe ure choosing to ignore it bc,, idk that says smt about u, or maybe another reason idk! but if u go into this knowing they were In Love and hoping to see confirmation of dumbledore being canonically gay, youre going to hear that “oh, we were more than brothers” line and be like oh yeah we been knew, or more seriously like hey! maybe we’re getting a canon confirmation, not just floaty young people leaning towards each other! like when he looked in the mirror i was like okay This Is It this is gna be confirmation but then it wasnt oop. it was the !!! bloooood paaact !!! which means that people could interpret the “closer than brothers” line as meaning oh we done did a blood pact that means we blood related look at us go! Wow! so this is basically just a half azzed attempt at pleasing people w stereotypical viewpoints and people happy to see representation. hmmmmmmmmmm.. (psst if u actually ship older dumbledore n grindelwald tho What Are You Doing Stop !! thats not a healthy relationship, grindelwald is an awful person and dumbledore deserves to grow from the person he was before!!! he deserves so much better!!! im not saying to ship them but im saying that if we’re gonna say they were in love as young men and if we are going to confirm that dumbledore is gay well,,, lets put that in canon pls!!!! we need canon representation but we dont need to pretend this ship is healthy or good bc its representation either. this isnt shipping this is asking to acknowledge that dumbledore was gay and in love with grindelwald and its confirmed that grindelwald was in love with him too. in the place the story of tcog is now, that relationship is not ever going to happen again and if u actually think it is ure suffering from some next-level delusion. just be definitive and acknowledge that your characters are LGBT tho pls!! u said they were!!! actually i would be so much happier to see a Happy And Healthy LGBT Pairing can we have that? please?)

- big spoiler but hOW IS CREDENCE ALBUS’ BROTHER WHAT IS HAPPENING DKFJDKSH i need to separate my thoughts again

1- AGE DIFFERENCE........apparently dumbledore is like 46 in this movie right?? credence doesnt look over 20. okay percival dumbledore is put in azkaban before albus starts school right?? so the maximum age albus can be is 11. now im gonna say that kendra was not having any more kids w anyone else after that incident fs so the oldest albus can be when ariana is born is 12, leaving room for some other stuff okay. ALBUS AND CREDENCE DONT LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A 12 YEAR AGE GAP WHAT IS HAPPENINF

2- i saw people theorizing that credence is ariana’s son and NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO PLS NO

3- not an actual issue but i thought grindelwald said his name was berrylius dumbledore which i later remembered as berrylium dumbledore and anyway thank god for the internet

4- okay at this point i cant tell if this has just been brought in for shock value or smt like. is this relevant to the plot. is grindelwald even telling the truth. w-why did the movie end there. help....... i think thats it but i do want to say that i respect the rights of the creator jkr to do whatever she wants w these characters. its her world! but i can have a whole bunch of opinions n feelings about this movie and still support it. after all, i love harry potter and the whole wizarding world w my whole heart. 

did anyone even read that LOOOL that was so long sorry

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️